#i feel like my pitches are pretty simple but i've never been one to be super abstract

[maareyas]

was weirdly productive with little anxiety today!! proud of myself but also. confused

also i sent in an application for the silver fanzine and im ofuufshhsofufjshs

[almond-tofuuu]

His good girl ❄️

Zayne x fem reader smut

Warnings: PiV sex, some dirty talk, nipple play, praise, use of pet names (good girl, love, baby, angel), office sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it ppl), improper use of an evol (ice ice baby 🧊), sex against a wall/door, light mentions of biting/marking, little bit of cervix fucking, tummy bulge (he's big, trust me 😉), creampie

(lemme know if I missed anything)

You really weren't sure how you ended up like this, in fact you could barely remember your own name, all you could focus on was Zayne. His hot mouth leaving wet kisses on your shoulders, cool fingers pinching your sensitive nipples, and his thick cock pounding into your drenched cunt, his strong arms the only thing holding you up as his rough thrusts pin your body against his office door. What had started out as a simple lunch date with your boyfriend had now turned into something scandalous.

You'd never thought Zayne to be one to mix work and pleasure, but something about the way he was gripping the plush of your hips so tightly, sure to leave bruises for you to admire later on, pulling you back to meet every snap of his hips as he drove his deliciously thick cock into you over and over again, told you he was enjoying this as much as you were. With a particularly harsh thrust, Zayne's cock reaches even deeper inside you, hitting the spongey spot deep in your pussy that had you arching your back, cunt clenching tighter around his length as a high-pitched whine was forced from your throat.

"I thought I told you to be quiet love, what would all my colleagues think if they heard my little angel making such sinful noises?" Zayne whispered lowly into your ear, his voice was husky and soft but there was a quiet dominance to his words. "you need to be quiet for me, baby, you can do that can't you? You can be a good girl for me and keep that pretty mouth shut, right?"

You nod your head, desperately wanting to please him, wanting to be a good girl for your loving boyfriend who was fucking you so perfectly, biting your lip to stop any more sounds escaping as your cunt continued to flutter around his cock. Suddenly Zayne's movements slowed, pulling his cock out of your throbbing pussy until only the tip was left in, his icy fingers harshly pinching the nipple of your left breast.

"You know better than that, angel, come on, use your words. Or have I already fucked you dumb?"

A pathetic whimper left your throat as you tried to buck your hips back into his, your cunt aching to feel full again, but Zayne's firm grip kept you in place, small ice crystals forming, a warning to behave.

"You know the rules, angel, use your words. Are you going to be a good girl for me? Or do I need to stop right now, and it would be such a shame if I did because I've been aching to feel this pretty little cunt cum all over my cock.... But only good girls get to cum" his tone is as icy as his evol, sending shivers down your spine as you swallow down the desperate whine threatening to spill from your lips. Tears burn your eyes as you squeeze them shut, your brain struggling to form any coherent thoughts.

"I'll be g-good....please Zayne....'m gonna be good... please, need to cum" you hiccup out between sobs, your mind turning to mush as your cunt clenches around nothing.

"There we go, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Zayne whispers softly, lips trailing kisses along your jaw and down your neck, your skin igniting under the feeling of his tongue and teeth marking you, branding you as his.

"Now keep that pretty mouth quiet for me, love"

With that he's slamming back into you, his cock burying itself deep in your pussy, hitting your cervix with every harsh thrust of his hips, forcing your body further into the door. You bit your bottom lip hard, the tangy taste of iron flooded your mouth as you fought to keep quiet as Zayne continued to pinch and pull your nipple with one hand, the other moving from your hip to press down on your stomach, feeling the outline of his cock as he roughly pounded into your gushing cunt.

"Ngh you feel that, Angel, feel how deep I am... You're taking me so well, always such a good girl for me, perfect girl with the perfect little pussy" Zayne's praises went straight to your cunt, working you closer to your orgasm, clenching harder around his cock that was taking you so well, forcing it's way inside you, making you feel every delicious ridge and vein as Zayne moulded your cunt to his shape. Feeling your high approaching rapidly, you try to warn Zayne, hands reaching out behind you blindly as your fucked-out brain is unable to form any words. Zayne, ever the observant physician, notices your struggle, hands grabbing hold of your wrists and pinning them to the door in front of you.

"Are you going to cum angel? I can feel you clenching around me... Ngh, it's okay.... You can cum, baby.... You've been such a good girl, go on and cum for me" Zayne urges you on, voice straining as he approaches his own release. With one hand he keeps your wrists pinned above your head as the other hand moves down to rub circles on your clit, working you closer to the edge.

"Come on, baby, want to feel you cum, need to feel my good girl squeezing my cock.... Please baby, cum for me, cum on my cock angel"

Zayne's skilled fingers on your clit and husky words of encouragement are all you need to push you over the edge, your back arching and cunt milking his cock as you're hurtled into an intense orgasm. Zayne isn't far behind, hips rutting into you erratically as he chases his own release, thrusting a few more times before his hips stutter and he burries his cock deep inside you, coating your cunt with his warm cum. Exhausted, your body slumps forward against the door, unable to hold yourself up you're grateful for Zayne's strong arms as they wrap around your waist, his forehead resting against your shoulder as you both come down from your highs. The room is quiet apart from your panting breaths and the hammering of your heart. After a few minutes, Zayne slides his softening cock from your spent pussy, taking a second to admire the way your cunt clenches around nothing with the aftershocks of your orgasm, and the mix of both your cum dripping down your thighs. Leaning forward to press a gentle kiss between your shoulder blades, Zayne speaks softly against your skin "I apologise if I was a little too rough with you, love, you did so well for me" another loving kiss is pressed to your forehead, your eyes closing as you begin to drift off in the safety of your boyfriends warm embrace.

"Rest now, Angel, don't worry, I'll be right here when you wake up"

This is my first time writing smut so feedback is appreciated 😙

[ashwhowrites]

An idea that popped in my head before bed. I hope you guys enjoy it! Been a bit since I've written my own Robin idea so I hope it's worth the read 🫶🏻🩷

Robin writes a love note for Vickie but accidentally puts it in Readers locker

Wrong locker

Robin has been trying to figure out the best way to confess her feelings to Vickie. Robin figured since she couldn't even speak a word to the pretty redhead in general, writing down her feelings would be best. But Robin didn't want to sound like a crazy stalker so she settled for a simple love note.

Robin took a deep breath as she walked to Vickie's locker, she slipped the pink paper in the small cracks. She held her breath as the note dropped in. The sound of the bell had her racing to the other side of the hallway. She tried to look busy but kept her eye on the locker.

She smiled as Vickie walked up, but her stomach dropped when she noticed Vickie was opening the locker next to the one with the note. Robin panicked, whose locker was the note in?

Fear filled Robin's bones as Y/N walked up. The girl's atmosphere was terrifying. Her leather jacket smelled of cigarettes and perfume. Her healed black boots echoed down the halls. Her tight jeans framed her body along with her tight band T-shirt. She was intimating, and she liked to be. Her sharp eyes glared at anyone who looked at her. A snarl on her lips if anyone bothered to talk near her.

Robin felt like she wanted to die when Y/N opened her locker, the pink note falling to Y/N's feet. Robin prayed she wouldn't pick it up, maybe stomp on it and move on.

But no, Y/N picked up the note. Robin was stuck in her spot, she needed to run but she couldn't move.

Y/N tried to keep the smile off her face. No one has seen her smile and that wasn't going to change. But she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter at the sweet note. She knew she was intimidating and scared people off. But she's never had someone see her in such a romantic way.

She knew of Robin Buckley, the cute bandgirl. Y/N played on the volleyball team and the band always played at their games. Was Robin watching her the whole time?

Y/N put the note in her pocket, closing her locker. She turned around to walk to class when she spotted Robin staring. Once they made eye contact, Robin looked down at her shoes.

Please don't walk up to me

Please please please

"Hey Buckley," Y/N's voice ran shivers up Robin's spine. She gulped and looked up. Y/N stood in front of her, her confident frame stood tall.

"I'm sorry! The note was-" Robin went to explain what happened but Y/N cut her off.

"The note was very sweet. Thank you, it made my day. I'll call you." Y/N said, a smirk on her face as she took in Robin's nervous frame.

Robin didn't dare to breath until Y/N strutted off.

~~~

"And turns out it was the wrong locker!" Robin explained, her voice wavering between pitches. Her nervous hands were shaking as she told the story to Steve.

Steve nodded along with his arms crossed. Robin tended to talk throughout their shifts and not do any work. So Steve picked up the slack. But the place was dead so gossip time took full attention.

"Whose did it end up in?" Steve asked, he uncrossed his arms as he reached to grab his drink.

"Y/N."

Steve's eyes went wide and his water flew out of his mouth. Steve was a grade above Y/N throughout high school, and even he was terrified of her. He prayed he'd never run into her after graduation. Her sneer and hard eyes kept him up at night. He still has nightmares about the day he ran into her, his hot coffee staining her shirt. Steve could almost feel the bruises on his cheek forming again.

"You're fucked!" Steve said.

"Dingus! Don't you think I know that? She said she was going to call me! What the hell do I do?" Robin panicked.

"Maybe she won't call you! Let's not stress about anything yet." Steve said

~~~

Robin sighed in relief when she crawled into bed, not a single phone call from Y/N. Maybe Y/N just wanted to make Robin nervous and never planned to do anything about the note.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Robin gulped as she picked up the phone, she hoped more than anything that Steve was calling about his lame date.

"Sorry, gorgeous. Volleyball went very late." Y/N's voice traveled through the phone, and it still made Robin nervous.

"It's okay." Robin gulped, her fingers playing with the telephone cord.

"I know this place downtown, maybe Friday night after the game, we can go?"

Robin tried to say no, all she had to do was explain the mix-up. But she was scared of Y/N's reaction. One date couldn't hurt, maybe Y/N would realize how boring Robin was and wouldn't be interested.

~~~

Robin packed up her instrument, talking with Vickie about the game. Robin tried her best to keep the conversation going.

"Ready gorgeous?" Y/N asked. Robin couldn't help but blush at the nickname being said to her face. Y/N was sweaty and panting from the game, and Robin couldn't help but find it hot.

"Yeah just gotta pack up." Robin rushed out, her eyes meeting Y/N's for one quick second.

"Okay. I'm going to change then I'll meet you in the parking lot?" Y/N suggested. Robin nodded and felt the air return to her lungs when she walked away.

"What's going on?" Vickie asked, she didn't bother to hide how shocked she was.

"She kinda asked me out." Robin shrugged.

"Oh, cool," Vickie said, but Robin couldn't help but notice how displeased Vickie looked about the news. Was she jealous?

~~~

Robin tried not to stare at Y/N as they walked into the bar, but Y/N looked hot in her tight black jeans, tank top, and signature leather jacket. Robin tried to ignore how sweaty her palms were.

Robin was confused about why they'd go to a bar when they weren't of age, but Y/N knew the bartender it seemed. Y/N walked to the back booth, near a pool table.

Y/N had a beer and Robin had an iced tea. Y/N made good conversation and Robin was surprised by the things they had in common. Robin found herself enjoying Y/N's presence.

A few hours passed and Robin swung her feet as Y/N played pool. Robin didn't know how to play and she did not want to look like an idiot in front of Y/N.

"Come here and just try!" Y/N encouraged, she's been trying to get Robin to play for the last hour. But Robin kept shaking her head.

Y/N gave up on convincing Robin, instead, she'd make Robin do it.

Robin gulped as Y/N grabbed her hand and lifted her off the stool.

"No, I'm not any good!" Robin tried but Y/N shushed her. Y/N placed the stick in Robin's hand, stood behind her, and corrected her form. Robin couldn't help but feel slightly turned on as Y/N's body was pressed against her back. The feeling of Y/N's breath against her ear, and Y/N's arms wrapped around her, made Robin feel fuzzy.

Robin took a deep breath, letting Y/N guide her to hit the small white ball. Robin watched as the stick hit the ball, it rolled and rolled until it smacked into a red ball, disappearing into the corner.

"You did it!" Y/N cheered, Robin couldn't help but get lost in her dazzling smile. At that moment Y/N didn't seem so scary and intimidating. She looked beautiful and happy.

~~~

A few weeks passed and Robin cursed herself for leading Y/N on. Robin couldn't help but be swept up in all the dates and how special Y/N made her feel. It made Robin wonder why she never looked at Y/N in the first place.

But Robin was tugged between Vickie as well. The girl the note was made for. It seemed Vickie was jealous of all the dates between Robin and Y/N. Robin remembered the hard look in Vickie's eyes when she showed up in Y/N's jacket.

"Are you cold?" Y/N asked, her hand laced with Robin's as they walked through the carnival. Robin wore a thin long sleeve, not expecting the wind to be chilly.

"No, I'm fine!" Robin argued, but the shivering of her teeth and tight shoulders gave her up.

Y/N smiled and took off her jacket, placing the warm leather over Robin's shoulders. Immediately lacing their hands together again.

A jacket Robin still hasn't given back. She wore it every day to school. To make Vickie jealous? Or to have pride she got Y/N to go soft? She wasn't sure.

She felt torn between both girls.

~~~

"Do you like her?" Steve asked, he felt bad for the situation Robin got herself in.

"I think so? But I don't know if I like her because she makes Vickie jealous." Robin explained. She was stuck in her personal hell.

"Well if Vickie's jealous, it means she has feelings for you. So you have your answer. Vickie is interested and single. Do you want to go after her? Or stay with Y/N?"

"I think I want Vickie. I mean the note was meant for her but I'm afraid if Y/N finds out the note was for Vickie, she'll snap me in half " Or maybe she was worried it would snap Y/N in half.

~~~

Robin sat across Y/N as she sipped on a milkshake. Robin's stomach hurt too much to enjoy the sweetness.

"Are you okay? You look like you might be sick." Y/N said, her milkshake pushed to the side as she reached across for Robin's hand. Robin gulped as Y/N's soft thumb rubbed her skin.

Just say it, Robin repeated in her head. She needed to tell the truth before Y/N truly fell for Robin.

"I need to tell you something," Robin said, her free hand gripping the leather jacket by her lap. Y/N encouraged her with a small smile.

"Remember the note?"

"Of course I do." Y/N smiled

"I put it in the wrong locker," Robin said quickly, wincing as the words finally were put into the air.

"What do you mean?" Y/N asked, her head turned as she tried to understand.

"I wrote the note for Vickie and I was scared to tell you. " Robin looked up to catch Y/N's reaction. The smile turned upside down as a frown covered its place. Robin has never seen so much emotion on Y/N's face. And just like she feared, the terrifying hard mask appeared on Y/N's face.

Robin tried not to flinch as Y/N removed her hand and moved it quickly into her lap. Robin's palm smacked the table. As always, Robin ran her mouth until she made it worse.

"And I just didn't want to hurt you! And I was a little scared you'd break me in half. So I went along with the date, not expecting you'd like me! Because like I'm me and I'm so boring compared to you. I figured you'd see dating me was blah and wouldn't be interested. But then you asked for more dates and I was-"

"Scared to say no, yeah got it." Y/N barked. She was an idiot to believe someone saw her as something else than a scary monster that lurked in the halls. All this time, she thought Robin saw something in her, something worth liking and learning to love. But no, Robin was scared just like everyone else.

Y/N refused to let how upset she was shown on her face. She shook it off and grabbed her wallet. She slammed down some bills on the table, the harsh air hitting Robin's hand, she flinched again.

Robin was scared to look up as Y/N stood up. She was too scared to see the look on Y/N's face.

"Look at me," Y/N growled, Robin swallowed nervously and looked up. But there was a softness in Y/N's eyes.

"You're not boring, and you're not blah. You're funny, fun, and beautiful. Don't think so low of yourself. Next time, make sure the note goes in the right locker. I'll see you around Buckley."

Robin didn't know what to say. Y/N walked off, leaving her jacket with Robin.

~~~

Robin barely slept that night. She felt so guilty, and not all relieved. She thought telling Y/N would take the weight off her shoulders, but it was the opposite. The weight on her shoulders now crushed down on her chest.

Y/N's jacket thrown over Robin's desk chair was a painful reminder she had to see Y/N again.

The next morning, Robin held the jacket in her arms as she walked up to Y/N's locker.

"Um hey," Robin said quietly, Y/N and Vickie looked up at the sound of her voice. Robin shrunk under the gaze of both girls.

Y/N figured she was talking to Vickie so she turned back around to her locker.

Robin couldn't help but feel like she was slapped in the face as Y/N ignored her completely.

"I have your jacket." She said, tapping Y/N's shoulder. Y/N turned around, grabbed the jacket, and slipped it back on her body. In a way Robin felt a weird feeling of pride. She knew it was Y/N's jacket in the first place, but Robin wore it for weeks to where it almost felt like hers. It felt like Y/N was wearing Robin's jacket.

"Thanks," Y/N muttered the locker behind her slammed shut as she quickly walked off. Y/N couldn't watch Robin and Vickie talk about their feelings.

"Yikes, she's back to cold." Vickie observed.

"Yeah I kinda broke things off," Robin explained, a feeling in her stomach as Vickie tried to fight off a smile.

"Oh that's too bad!" Vickie said, but Robin could hear the excitement in her voice. "What happened?"

"I wrote this note to ask you out and I accidentally put it in her locker. I've been too scared to tell her but I finally did. And I think she hates me." Robin said, looking over her shoulder but Y/N was long gone.

"Ask me out?" Vickie asked, a smile on her face.

"Yeah," Robin said with a smile. Her face warmed when Vickie reached forward to lace their hands together. Robin couldn't help but notice Vickie's grip wasn't as tight and safe as Y/N's. Robin didn't feel like she was protected like the way she did in Y/N's hands.

"I'd love to!" Vickie cheered, both girls sharing a bright smile.

But Robin couldn't help but feel an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

~~~

It didn't take long for Robin and Vickie to officially be together. Steve was proud of Robin for finally making a choice, but even he couldn't help but feel like it was the wrong one.

Robin spent every minute with Vickie, searching for the fluttering in her stomach that she had with Y/N. Robin thought it was fear but maybe it was excitement.

Robin tried to fight off the frown on her face when Y/N passed her in the halls. No more warm smile sent her way. Just a hard look, the same look she gave everyone else.

Was Vickie the right choice?

[life-is-more-than-just-a-game]

♠️ "Scars don't make you a monster." ♠️

A/N: So, someone gave me this request via direct message and what should I say? I really do like this idea and I'm pretty happy about the fact that I can wrote about it! 🫶🏻

Characters: Niragi

POV: fem!reader ; Fluff

Warnings: Not given.

It's in the middle of the night. I have never been the person who has problems sleeping through the night. Even the biggest noises couldn't stop me from slumbering soundly. In summer, I can leave the windows open and listen to the buzzing and singing of the insects without a care in the world until I drift off into dreamland. Wind and weather don't stop me either. You could say that my body is able to adapt to all the conditions of my environment. So ... even now, when I realize in my sleep that something - more someone - is missing next to me.

I've noticed it all along. Even when I met Niragi again, I had the feeling that he had changed. Not in terms of his appearance- at least that was never the deciding factor for me. Admittedly, when I saw him again for the first time after the witch hunt, I was ... shocked. Because of several aspects. His scars - his burnt skin - was one thing, but seeing him again when I once thought he ... would no longer be with us, that was the crux of my reaction. That I drew in a startled breath. That I looked at him in shock and, of course, in tears, which I had swallowed at that moment. I was ... simply happy. To see that he was still alive.

Anyway, this is the first time I've had to open my eyes in the middle of the night because my body couldn't adapt to my surroundings during sleep. As soon as I went to bed, I had a feeling that something was wrong with Niragi. And it looks like I'm about to find out whether my gut feeling was right or not. Deep down, I already know the answer, but I want to hear it from him. I want him to tell me what's going on in his head right now. How he feels. What is bothering him. If something is bothering him.

Looking thoughtfully at my partner's side of the bed, I gradually start to move, hoping it won't take me long to find him. So, sighing and wearily brushing my hair out of my face, I get up and put one foot in front of the other to look for Niragi, who apparently hasn't even bothered to really hide.

"Niragi, what's wrong?" I rub one of my eyes sleepily and look just as sleepily at the boy standing on the balcony of the building where we've set up camp today. "Come back to bed, it's still pitch dark."

"I can sleep when I'm dead." It's not that I wouldn't expect him to say something like that- but what worries me is the way he says it.

Instead of saying anything, however, I just stand still for a moment and stare over at him. He doesn't even dare to turn towards me when we talk. I don't know him like this at all.

"I'm worried about you," you say in a calm tone as you walk towards him, aiming to stand next to him so you can look over the rooftops of the city with him. "Somehow I don't recognize you anymore," you continue, "where's the Niragi I met at the beach? The one with the big mouth and the high self-confidence, with the will of a leader?" Silence.

A moment later, all I hear is a hysterical giggle, which was obviously not the result of amusement or mirth. No, it sounded ... forced ... and hurt at the same time.

"He's been burned." Such a simple answer, but one with such great significance. "You should really go back to bed now."

"I'm not going anywhere." Determined, I now walk the last few meters towards him, after which I stand next to him. "Not without you." Unlike what I had planned, however, I don't stand so that I can see the loss, dark surroundings, but so that I am facing Niragi directly. "I knew something was wrong with you. I could tell by looking at you. Even yesterday, when you wished me a good night, your eyes betrayed you- so please don't pretend you don't care." Pause. "You are a human being. Not a robot."

"I'm a monster, Y/N!", he yelled at me and I jumped back a little because he turned around so suddenly and unexpectedly to finally look me in the face. "I can't even understand how you could even look at me on the street without throwing up right at my feet!" But just as quickly as he hit the ceiling, he quickly calmed down again.

I am sad. Is that really what he thinks? Does he really see himself as he has just described? As a monster? Oh, I'd love to ask what makes him think that, but I won't. I know the reason. His burns. The scars Chishiya left on him are the reason he speaks so poorly of himself. And it hurts. It hurts to know that a person in whom you see everything wonderful and whom you love for who he is, thinks of himself like that.

"Oh, darlin', that's not true ..." I realize how pitiful I'm looking at him right now, the softer his features become and the more he shows his mental pain to the outside world. "Please, don't say that ... Scars don't make you a monster."

"Just tell me how you can look at me like that without being afraid of me. How you ... how you can hold me in your arms without being disgusted by my skin. Without worrying about hurting me or feeling the need to puke your soul o-" I don't want to hear about that.

I understood the question. He wants answers? He'll get them. My way. The way in which I don't let him speak, but simply put one of my arms loosely around his neck to pull him into a loving kiss that for just a moment - a brief moment - is supposed to make the world stop for him.

Something that seems to work well. At least he abruptly matches my rhythm and wraps his arms around my waist to press me closer to him. To be able to feel me even better. To feel that he is not alone. Will not be alone. And to feel that there is someone who can be there for him and wants to be there.

I ... have to admit that no kiss with him was as beautiful as this one. Niragi is a rough person. He gets what he wants, his kisses were molded to his personality. Ungentle. Lots of tongue and especially biting. All the more reason for me to enjoy the kiss we're sharing right now, because who knows if I will ever experience this again.

Nevertheless, you should stop where it gets most beautiful. Although the really nice part - for him - is probably only now. One answer. An answer that will answer all his questions in one fell swoop.

"I love you," I breathe to him, tilting my head a little to the side as I look up at him and into his eyes. "That's why I can do all this, Niragi, it ... It's not as complicated and complex as you might have thought." I gave him a little smile and I can see it in his face- he's smiling a little, too. "And now come back to bed. You need to rest a bit and give your injuries a treatment. And by the way ... I'm tired and want to go back to sleep." Laughter, which only comes from me, but that's okay- his smile is enough for me. "Plus, I'm in desperate need of a good cuddle from you right now." Now, I can hear him chuckle a little and damn, it's the most beautiful I could ever hear coming out from him.

After another peck on the lips from him, I take him by the hand and walk him back into the building, where a place to sleep is waiting for us. In passing, I hear him say "I don't deserve you ...", which was probably only meant for him. But ...

"If everyone only got what they deserved, they couldn't possibly be happy in their lives, don't you think?"

A/N: Damn, I enjoyed writing this so much. Thanks for you request, stygianoir! Hope you enjoyed reading it as well. 🙈♥️

[crazyrav3n]

The devil's mark - Peter Steele Chapter 1.

I've never posted on Tumblr before.

This is silly, here's chapter 1 of my fanfiction.

"Arch your back for me, sweetheart."

!! for before you start this story!!

TW! Blood & gore mention, Sex, Kinky shit, masochism/sadism, !TW

(Yes this chapter will be a little boring, that's how it all starts out LMAO.)

It had been a while since you drank, or really even gotten shitfaced with your friends. You had been so busy with work, college, and everything that it became a burden for the extra time of friends or anything else. But it was summertime now, the bugs were crawling out of hell. When the burden of your parents came along- expecting you to come home for the vacation time you had, it aggravated you like no other thing could do. Your parents had always been strict- you would have to change your entire personality just to talk to them. They were strictly Christians and not the good kind. You would come home and get into a fight with your parents about even ripped jeans, it wasn't enjoyable. 

So when you argued with your mother about how you didn't want to come back just yet, she went berserk. It was horrible- she sent audio messages just screaming and the rebellious spirit in you wanted nothing more than to ignore her texts and do something fun, do something for yourself. 

So you did. 

Picking up your car keys, and driving to a local bar was a relief you hadn't had in a while. You would Uber home- that was the plan. The familiar smell of booze and liquor-filled your nostrils as you stepped foot inside of the bar, sitting down on an uncomfortable stool with no back.

As you talked to the bartender, handing them your ID- freshly old enough to drink you ordered something simple, a few shots of vodka. It was something easy that could get you messed up. You ordered some chasers to go with it, although you were here to drink alcohol- it didn't mean the taste was at all enjoyable.

Picking up a shot, holding back your tongue to swallow it and feeling that sour and acidic taste go down your throat practically ran a shock through your body. You released a strain of coughs at the hard taste, before sipping your chaser. It was alike instant relief to your burned tastebuds. But it burnt your throat and tongue so good, that smooth warm feeling dropped over you like a warm blanket instantly.

You didn't do much besides scroll on your phone, preparing yourself for the next few shots to come later. 

"Arent you just a pretty thing?" You saw a man sit right by you- his hair long, and his teeth longer. It was one of the first things you noticed about him, those sharp and pointy canines. It didn't really bring much to mind- it was getting more common for body modification. Infact you found some of it cool and cute, so the canines must've been made on instead. he was a interesting sight to say the least, he had his ears pierced and baggy pants on, a grey wife lover tanktop on with a cross necklace draped over it. His eyebags were large, his eyes almost pitch black. 

The shirt he wore made his muscles quite defined on his body, as well as his tattoos. You had considered getting a couple of tattoos but-

"Can I buy you a drink, Sweet little thing?" you heard him ask, a Brooklyn accent on his tone. His voice is deep and silky. 

Free alcohol never hurt anyone, you internally shrugged, on the outside nodding at him with a small smile.  It had been a while since a man offered to buy you a drink.

You prepared yourself as the bartender slid a drink towards you- on his tab. You took it with grace, letting that poison run down the back of your throat once again, grimacing from the taste. 

He stared at your every move, a smirk creeping onto your face as you produced a face of disgust from the shot. 

...It was going to be a long night.

.

He was a gentleman, kind of.

He was quite teasing, and as you two talked he stared at you with that shit-eating smirk. It lit a little bit of playfulness up in your body, you smiled back. He talked with gentleness to you, casually as you two exchanged what your life was like getting to know one another.

"What do you do for work?" you let slip out of your tongue, asking him out of curiosity. from his looks- it looked like he could be a model or a bodybuilder from how tall he was. He stood at wide and strong about 6'8, filling out his height. 

"Im in a band. I do music." He smiled at your question, taking a sip of his bourbon as he ended his words. It was surprsing- it was hard to make it out into the world with just music. It made your curiosity peak a little bit more.

"Whats the name of it?" You asked curiously, it was a simple question, nothing more.

"Type O negative."

.

.

.

No way. This had been one of your favorite bands since you were a teenager, you had band posters of them still in your house! He must be- a backup singer or something.

"Lead singer. Peter Steele, sweetheart." The words almost caused to freeze instantly. You had a crush on peter steele since you were quite young. You squinted your eyes, trying to make out his full appearance out of a drunken blur and the dim lighting of the bar- it was him. Or it was a replica of him- but whatever. Holy shit.

"I love them." you mumbled back, your jaw almost agape.

"Is that so doll? Im flattered." He smiled at you, with a small chuckle escaping his stomach. You could see him even blush a little from your words, it was a little embarrassing that peter steele himself was seeing you like this. Ugh. But- he was the one who took interest in you.

as you two begin to talk about the band he was in about your teenage years he found himself quite amused and entranced by you. You both drank a little more, before the night was blurry and a mix of laughs and a good experience.

"That necklace is quite nice." Peter stared down at your necklace, it was a little crow skull. It made you giggle ever so lightly, your hands instinctively going to grab it.

The tip of the skull snatched against your skin, creating a soft and quick wince from you as you created a small scratch on your neck.

"Fuck- I just scratched myself with that. What the hell?" You groaned as you felt cold blood softly bubble up at the surface, not too much but enough to be noticeable.

It was only a scratch- it would scab up in a few minutes or so. No need for anything. 

You looked back to see Peter staring at the small scratch, his face apathetic. It was hard to tell what he was looking at the small blood with. But his eyes were almost drawn to it- glancing between your eyes and then back to your neck.

and after a few seconds- he stared at it once again letting his guard down. His eyes were full of.. Hunger.

Rather than empathy.

Huh.

[roseaesynstylae]

Star Wars: Republic Commando: Triple Zero, Chapter 4

"Mereel was on Kamino. If Zey was heard to mutter that the Nulls were Skirata's private army, he wasn't entirely wrong."

You say that like it's a good thing.

"'I never said good-bye to the lads who didn't come back, that's all. I lost nine out of my batch.'

'But the last time you saw them, you left them feeling confident, respected, and loved. That's enough for any buir to achieve.'"

*narrows eyes* *with a remarkable amount of spite* I fucking doubt that calling them "wet-droids" made them feel loved. Just because you're constantly licking daddy's boots doesn't mean everyone else does.

Okay, that was going a little far. But everyone talking about this asshole like he's the ideal parent makes me want to throw something across the room. Hard. And repeatedly.

"'Have you met Sergeant Kal yet?'

'No.' Kal was always there for Darman, somewhere, even at times like this when she wanted to say so much to him.'

'Darman beamed, clearly delighted. 'Oh, you'll like him, General. You'll really like him.'

Etain certainly hoped so. And if she didn't, then she'd try, for Darman's sake."

*beaming smile* I'll just list things off, shall I?

"Even at times like this when she wanted to say so much to him." Etain, I want to say so much to him as well. It isn't what you want to say, though. It's a bit more...profane.

"You'll really like him." I've been getting a look into this man's mind for the past few chapters. I don't fucking like him. I actually prefer Walon Vau, since he's at least open about the fact that he's an asshole.

"And if she didn't, then she'd try, for Darman's sake." I could not try. It would end in an attempted strangulation.

"Vau was settled in one of the deeply upholstered hide chairs with the strill draped across his lap on its back, all six of its legs flopping in an undignified sprawl while he scratched its belly. Its huge fanged mouth was slack, tongue lolling, and a long skein of drool hung almost to the floor. Its body was a meter long, lengthened by a whip of a tail covered in more loose skin.

The strill was still prettier than Vau, though. The man had a long square-jawed face that was all bone and frown lines, and graying hair cut brutally short. Faces rarely lied about the soul within."

MIRD!!

PRECIOUS BABY!!

Oh, yeah, and its human servant. Great to see him too.

Who is the most adorable little killing machine?! It's you~

Mird, My Beloved: 1

"'The Jedi Council is pretty adept at turning blind eyes,' Skirata said. 'For an organization that knew it was taking on an army with an assassination capability, you do send out conflicting signals to simple soldiers like me.'

Vau was watching like a man being mildly amused by a holovid. The strill yawned with a thin, high-pitched whine."

Mird, My Beloved: 2

*sourly* I'm glad someone is amused by this.

"'We didn't even know we had an army until a year ago.'

'Maybe, but the fact that you're sitting here now with a general's rank means you've accepted responsibility for it. You could have objected, collectively or individually. You could have asked questions. But no. You picked up the blaster you found on the floor and you just fired it to defend yourself. Expedience ambushes you in the end.'"

*in the most fake nice way imaginable* Fuck. You.

Lemme just break this down a little...

"You could have objected, collectively or individually."

They did.

"You could have asked questions."

They did.

The problem isn't that the Jedi didn't try to find a way to object or that they didn't try to investigate. The problem is that the Separatists were actively attacking, the Senate wanted a war, and Palpatine had manipulated everything so they had no other choice. They took the role of Generals and Commanders because they felt that it was the best way to prevent excessive casualties and lessen suffering.

But, no. It's all the Jedi's fault. It isn't that they're a group that was not and never has been intended for a military position who have just been forced into this role. It isn't that they're trying to keep to their principles in the middle of a situation they are not meant for. It isn't that the chaos of the war made it so that trying to object or figure out what the hell was going on impossible.

In conclusion...

WHY DON'T YOU ASK JEDI WHAT THEY FEEL ABOUT THE SITUATION AND WHAT THEY DID? THEY'D TALK TO YOU. THEY'RE NICE, REASONABLE PEOPLE. I"M SURE THAT YOU'D LEARN A LOT MORE IF YOU HAD AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION INSTEAD OF RANTING ABOUT A GROUP OF PEOPLE YOU BARELY KNOW.

Jedi-Bashing: 7

"'Oh no, I'm just a civilian now,' Vau said. The strill rumbled. Vau, apparently distracted, fondled its ghastly, stinking head, his slightly narrowed eyes revealing a doting affection that he never seemed to spare for any other living creature."

I'm going to make this clear right now: I like Vau considerably more than Skirata. 80% of that affection comes from Mird.

Mird, My Beloved: 3

"'How far is too far, Kal? Can you answer that? How far did you go?' Vau called after him. 'I made that boy a warrior. Without me, he wouldn't be alive today.'

With him, Ordo thought, Atin very nearly wasn't."

Vau's training methods are a discussion for another time.

(I still prefer him to Skirata. Like I said, Vau's open about the fact that he's a bastard, unlike some people.)

"It was delightful to see the mix of armor -- yellow-striped commanders and pilots, plain white troopers, and the motley mix of commando colors -- drawn together in one ancient Mandalorian ritual, every face the same.

Etain felt adrift, excluded.

She had never truly felt this degree of bond with her Jedi clan. The connection in the Force was there, yes, but....no, the real strength here was attachment, passion, identity, meaning."

Attachment is not love. Attachment is not a good thing. Passion is not a good thing for a Jedi. I am explaining this in small words for the author's benefit.

Also, nice shit you just took on the Jedi's Youngling Clans.

(Don't fucking insult the Jedi Younglings. They're adorable and have done nothing wrong, ever.)

Given the fixation on (relatively nuclear and standard by sci-fi standards) families in this series, this really feels like a jab at the "fact" that *extremely mocking voice* ThE JedI DOn'T HAve FaMilIEs.

Jedi-Bashing: 9

That's it. I'm exhausted by this series' bullshit and it's only been one chapter. Thankfully, I have a vacation coming up where I can ignore these books and concentrate on actually good Star Wars content. Once I'm done decompressing, I'll be ranting about this again.

Jedi-Bashing: 9

Mando-Shilling: 1

It's a Man's World: 1

Shut the Fuck Up, Kal: 1

Deltas, Move Out: 4

Mird, My Beloved: 3

Is This The Bad Batch?: 2

Main Post

[jeweledflowers]

Sing me a symphony | Callisto Regulus.

Author's note: I specifically did this for @hakusimp,

I'm trying to be productive in honor of my birthday--

The poetry isn't mine! I took it from a novel--

--

Callisto Regulus has never been one for music.

Not by choice, though. It's just that growing up, his home didn't really encourage such distractions. Such wastes of time.

And the few times he snuck out to festivals or concerts as a teenager, he went for the other activities. The ones that left his lungs spinning and blood on his hands and head spinning. He would sleep there, in the back alleys. And when he would wake up, he would always be a bit more hateful of the world than he was the day before. Eventually this just faded.

Then, one very eventful day, he receives an invitation, to a ball for honoring his step-mother. He rolls his eyes, ready to decline the invitation. The servant who had delivered the letter shoots him a highly scornful look. 'Your Highness, it was an imperial command for you to attend that ball.'

His irritation increases, and in his anger at both the attitude shown to him and this being forced to attend, he takes his sword and slices the servant's neck, severing it from his shoulders. The dead bloody head rolls around on the ground around his feet.

He angrily stomps off, to unwillingly get ready for this damned event--roughly pinning a basil brooch to his shirt along as well.

It hadn't always been like this. He had been excited to attend events like these in his childhood, so that he could get closer to his brother. However, the older he got, the more the reality sunk in, and he just grew sick and tired of it. He was tired of being stared at and talked about the whole time. The few times someone spoke to him, it was always to reprimand him. He sighed and set off.

____

Callisto hates his stepmother. The damned gold digger--and his stupid stepbrother is no better--he's a freeloader. Callisto dislikes nobles in general; he can't trust them, they're greedy, and stupid more often than not. Shallow, pretty girls hanging on to the arms of a sneering, well-dressed man, hoping for a good marriage. They all treat him like either a crazy, wild monster tormenting the Empire or a poor, helpless victim of his stepmother's schemes. In truth, he's neither. He wants someone to see who he really is, and accept it. He sighs, and makes for the very corner of the ballroom, by the food table, so that he can avoid people and eat at the same time.

He notices a stage in the room. What for?

After what feels like an eternity, a man comes on stage and announces, 'For this event! We have our precious Y/N L/N for this evening's recitation!'

Callisto stops listening after that. After all, he's heard the recitation at these events, and it's always girls in frills with squeaky high pitched voices.

But the one on the stage is nothing like that. Beautiful--with bright, deep eyes and dressed in a simple white attire. They smile faintly at the audience and began.

'my lovely dear,

do not be afraid to go slowly

even the moon

who carries time on silver shoulders,

knows that she cannot be made whole in one night, '

--

Callisto approached you after the recital, and complimented you on your voice. You're a little baffled, but you politely thank him and move on.

Now is 2 months, and you have a friendship so to say. The Crown Prince is nothing like you expected, he's funny, teases you and is a supportive friend. What you could never have expected, was the confession a mere 6 months later.

'The day I first met you, I was...astonished, to say the least..I've been happy every hour.' He tells you quietly. 'Please don't ever leave my side.'

You smile and press a kiss to the scars on his hand.

--

Over time, he learns to play with music too. He and you sit together, with your smaller hands on his scarred ones, teaching him how to play a guitar or fiddle with a violin. You both sit for hours at a time like that, with the soft music serving as a background.

On the days which are hard and long for him, you lay his head in your lap, and sing him a melody from your childhood or a poem from your books. You run your fingers through his hair and pull him closer as you feel his shoulders shake and his tears soak through to your shirt.

He feels like a teenager again, like those days in which he'd fall asleep in those back alleys.

But now, he falls asleep in your lap.

And this time, he actually looks forward to waking up.

--

[sapphic-haymaker]

Fio Media Log #1: Gen 1 Armored Core Trilogy

Armored! Core!

I'm a mecha gal. I love my robots. but I especially love me some clunky "real robot" style mechs. I only got into Armored Core with 6, and i've decided to take a plunge into the first generation games with, admittedly, not too high of expectations.

And lemme tell ya. I was pretty blown away at how fun these are!

Visuals

Let me start off with the visuals, holy shit do I LOVE the visuals of these games. I grew up with the PS1 as my first console, playing Twisted Metal (Darkside main btw) is one of my earliest memories. I really adore the games that have come out recently emulating the PSX style (Psuedoregalia, Signalis, Ultrakill, etc.)

The blocky aesthetic lends itself well to mecha. A lot of the genre likes to build it's robots in simple, blocky shapes so Bandai can easily make model kits of them, and there's no shortage of obvious design inspiration among ACs

The first mission, which subtly informs you of a theme of the series, has you being paid to go murder some workers striking for better pay and benefits and some other stuff that probably could've been bought with the money they used to hire a 5 meter tall death robot but hey. not our department.

The pitch black background and illuminated bridge makes for some lovely moody atmosphere. A LOT of 1st gen is going to be same-y hallways and tunnels but when they go through the extra effort to make a place look like a place it ends up very nice.

The Controls

Hooooo boy. This was a STRUGGLE for me at first. See this lil game was released a month after Sony's dualshock controllers, the ones with actual analogue sticks and not just a d-pad, hit the market. Which means this highly technical game is going to make you control deliberately hard-to-pilot machines without any sticks! (and they wouldn't add support for them until 7 years later!!!)

I found the stock control scheme where Up/Down was moving forward back, Left/Right was Turn, L1/R1 was strafe, and L2/R2 was aim up/down COMPLETELY unhandlable. Brain could not parse it. But to my shock there was an option in the game settings to rebind the controls! Making all the d-pad buttons be movement and all the shoulder buttons camera controls made things click right away. But that's just for basics. As for advanced movement…. welllll.

Meet [13th Toll], the build I did most of the game on after spending a lot of time experimenting and testing.

You'll notice she's a quad leg type AC! that's because the quad leg type trades the ability to boost on the ground for the ability to have consistent fast movement, meaning you can move fast without actually being good at the game's movement. It was absolutely a crutch but the game never threw anything hard enough at me to stop using said crutch. The gatling gun arms just felt better than any gun in the game having a huge amount of damage and ammo… at the cost of absolutely financially ruining me. @ @

See. Every mission in Armored Core has a base pay, occasionally bonus pay or penalties, and then that pay is deducted by how many resources you used in the mission. Repair Cost is how much damage you took, and Ammo cost is how many bullets/shells/rockets/etc you chewed through. And let me tell you the Gatling Arms are strong but they cost so much money to fire that i ended up LOSING money on several missions due to operating costs.

Scrounging for cash is definitely part of the AC experience, it's not shy about it's anti-capitalist messages, going into enough debt due to failing missions or not performing well enough actually resets the game, having your character undergo experimental augmentation to make them better at paying off the debt presumably (this is kind of an easy mode. I never triggered it as I wanted to do all three games without it. Felt like it was the authentic experience)

The control scheme as noted is incredibly clunky, but in a way that feels befitting of a mech. In AC6 the combat and controls are incredibly streamlined and feel as good as it gets for the most part. But AC1 takes a real-robot approach and imposes some serious limits to how you can move and aim. It genuinely feels like you're fighting the controls trying to aim at a fast moving plane or an AC boosting past you. It's a unique feeling that leaves the player feeling less like an ultra powerful death robot and more a poor pilot desperately wishing something could turn faster than it physically can. I'm a big fan.

I blew through AC 1 all things considered, aside from that horrifically frustrating final mission. (platforming in a game with the worst camera controls ever took years off my life.)

It wasn't a cakewalk per say, but i never felt incredibly pressed to improve my skill or optimize my build all that much in the game. I pretty much did whatever. Very enjoyable experience all in all. Where I think things get interesting is the first expansion…

Project Phantasma

Released a few months after AC1, Project Phantasma is when the game REALLY made me focus in on what i wanted to do and made me sweat. For the most part it's missions are about on par with it's predecessor, with one exception: The Arena.

The Arena is as straightforward as it gets, 49 Enemy ACs, one on one, no distractions. Best Pilot wins. The first chunk of the arena is a joke, but then, out of nowhere, comes

RANK: 30 PILOT: Brutus A.C.: Back Stab

You see this fucker? This was my wall. This is where the real pain train starts and Gen 1 starts to stop pulling it's punches IMHO.

Brutus is an aerial ace. You'll find that MOST of the ACs in the Arena absolutely LOVE to be in the air. this particular asshole has a sniper rifle that will literally stunlock you for long periods of time, is incredibly accurate, and generally just makes your life hell.

Quad legs could not carry me to victory here, they genuinely just do not have the maneuverability to dodge the incoming hailstorm of sniper shots. I tried heavyweight ACs, thinking i could simply outlast him, Dead Wrong. Heavyweights were even more of failure. All that armor did was prolong the inevitable.

This is where I had to bite the bullet and start using regular legs. You move absolutely pitifully slow when not boosting, but boosting takes energy, energy conservation takes practice and skill. I used these next 30 Arena fights to learn how to move and shoot in these games and the experience was so satisfying and rewarding. I felt like I was just as quick as the AI and soaring through the sky right along with them by the end of it.

Meet [Phantom Lambda], she is as fast as I could make her, she is as light as i could make her, she carries a new weapon in the Phantasma expansion, the WG-RFM118 Rifle. Along with a magazine on the back slot, a "weapon" that does nothing but increase the ammo count of your other weapons. 300 shots was consistently enough to take out most Arena opponents aside from the thick armored heavyweight powerhouses.

My weapon choice was simple. It has an absolutely MASSIVE lock on reticle. So I could focus all of my brainpower on movement and avoiding enemy fire. I still had to do a fair amount of aiming, the enemy ACs in the Arena get blazing fast. but this strategy ended up getting me all the way through the game. And suddenly I only had one Gen 1 game left.

Story Tangent

Project Phantasma tried a lot harder to have a consistent storyline which was fine, if a bit clunky. There's a big bad rival mech named Stinger who ends up being pretty pathetic as you thrash him again and again. You get all your jobs from a woman named Sumika who is also a AC pilot, and let me say, I was pleasantly surprised to see a woman in old mecha media that isn't evil and/or dead.

Master of Arena

Master of Arena had a lot more time in the oven than Project Phantasma, releasing in 1999 while AC1 and PP were both 97', and let me tell ya. It feels like a FromSoft employee was watching my Phantasma run over my shoulder when I first booted up the game.

So first things first. My strategy is in goddamn shambles. Not only is my FCS (part that determines lock-on reticle) significantly nerfed, my entire loadout has been nerfed to the floor in the ammo department. Magazines would give 50% more ammo per magazine in PP, and my rifle had 200 shots base. Now Mags give 20% each, and the rifle now only has 160 shots. Meaning I've went from a maximum of 400 shots to a measly 224. Considering how many shots end up missing and enemy AC HP, this means the rifle that carried me is absolutely not an option anymore.

Meet [The Rook], my intent was to find a middle ground where I wasn't totally made of paper like I was in piloting [Lambda Phantom]. Focusing purely on optimized utility in her design, I wanted something mobile, durable, and I needed to fit a weapon that had decent range and some nice damage, I used the WG-AR1000,a mid-range machine gun and doubled up on mags. This gave me a whopping 1400 bullets to bullet hose the competition down.

While the story missions weren't any harder than AC1 and Phantasma, the Arena didn't have a slow ramp up like it did in last one. Right away i was thrown into a fight with a lightweight aerial AC raining pain down on me.

I ended up playing a lot more aggressively this time around due to the machine gun's much shorter range, meeting opponents up-close in mid-air as abusing the RFM118's long range to plink away at opponents wasn't an option anymore. This lead to a lot of problems against enemies with similar weapons like gatling arms, where we mostly just ended up DPS racing eachother, but i only have to win once, after all.

Overall I really enjoyed these games. I think the first one is a fun lil time and onboards you to the systems well enough, and if you're hungry for more the two expansions offer a nice challenge. I'm currently debating if i wanna do the EX Arena in Master of Arena or if i wanna jump straight into Armored Core 2.

I highly recommend you try these out if you've played AC6, it's systems and clunky control schemes are very neat lil relics of game design that feel completely lost in the modern era.

[loosesodamarble]

heyo , hru ? congrats on your milestone of 300 followers and happy new year ! for your event , pls : henry (black clover) and b1. (blank) was 99% sure—no 100% sure that they were doing it on purpose. in a romantic scenario.

I'm doing well, Anon! I feel a little bad that it's been taking a while to write the fics for this event but with each one I put out, I feel better because I've felt good about each and every one of them!

Thank you for participating in the follower event and my near year thus far has been a pretty happy one!

Now... ONTO THE REQUEST~! 💖

Summary: Just a simple tale of how you and Henry had your first kiss. Genre: fluff Word count: ~700 Note: In this fic, Henry's curse is broken but his physical frailty remains so I depict him using a walking aid when not using magic to reinforce himself.

..........

Had it happened once, Henry would’ve thought it was merely an accident. Twice, a coincidence. He might’ve even written it off at three instances. But after one month of it consistently happening, Henry was 99% sure—no 100% sure that you were doing it on purpose.

What was it that you were doing exactly?

Whenever you kissed Henry, you never kissed him on the lips.

With his curse lifted, Henry wanted as much physical contact with you as possible. There were years of lost time and opportunities to make up for. He wanted to hold your hand and bump shoulders with you. Feel your hand in his hair. Lay your legs on top of one another while sharing a couch. And most of all, kiss.

Kisses on the cheek and nose happened plenty of times. You’d kissed his hands a couple of times. A kiss on the chin tickled Henry a bit and they were probably his favorite. But the two of you had yet to share a kiss on the lips.

It left Henry confused and disappointed. Until he decided it was time for answers.

“Can we hang out later?” he asked during the chaos of dinner, to which you happily agreed.

There was the soft click-clack of Henry’s walking aids as you two made your way to his room.

“I hope… I’m not being too clingy… asking for attention… like this,” Henry commented along the way.

“Not at all!” you cheerfully replied. “I actually like it when you’re forward!”

“You do?” Henry raised a brow at you. “But didn’t… you say—?”

“I love how gentle you are?” you finished for him. It’s not that Henry doubted your memory of your own confession to him but he was curious if anything had changed. “Yes. I did and I still do, very much. But you being straightforward with what you want is charming too.” You threw your head back and laughed. “Especially since you still manage to be so polite about it!”

Your laughter and that sunny grin of yours made Henry feel light. Not just because he adored you so. But without even meaning it, you encouraged him to go through with his plan.

“So then… would you like it if… I said that I wanted you and I… to kiss?” Henry asked without any hesitation.

Your head seemed to snap with the speed at which it turned to look up at him. You hadn’t lost yourself entirely as your stride didn’t falter, but the motion of your head indicated being caught off guard.

“Honestly?” you asked quietly. Henry nodded in reply. “Well obviously. I mean, I kiss you all the time—”

“But never on the lips… And I’d like to kiss your lips…”

“Oh?” Your face began to turn pink. “So you finally noticed?” You didn’t look away from Henry as you spoke. Your lips twitched upward until they formed an awkward smile.

Henry had been right! It was no mistake on your part to avoid kissing him on the lips. But that begged the question,

“Why?” Henry asked as you two came to a stop in front of his door. “If you’re so eager to kiss me all the time…?” His voice trailed off but you both knew the end of the question.

“Well, this may sound silly but it never felt like the right time,” your voice pitched upward near the end, making the answer sound more like another question. “I wanted our first time kissing like that to be, you know, special?”

At your words, Henry let out a breathy laugh.

“Oh dear… That’s very silly…”

Henry leaned down and brushed his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes and let himself bask in your presence for a moment.

“What makes a kiss special… is how we feel about it…” he whispered to you. “So every kiss… will be special… to me…”

Henry nudged your head with his own, coaxing you into tilting back until the angle was just right.

“May I?”

You swallowed audibly.

“Go right ahead.”

Your lips were chapped. His were worse to be perfectly honest.

Henry pulled away from you, smiling.

You smiled back and nodded your head.

You both were 100% sure you’d be kissing a lot more in the future.

[saturnalorbit]

ok so with how many undertale conversations i've seen on the internet i've never once seen anyone talking about the difference between the in-game and soundtrack versions of certain songs so i might ramble about that for a little bit

so idk if this is like. a well known thing but a few of the songs in undertale play at a different tempo and pitch in game than they do on the actual soundtrack release of the game, and i'm not actually sure of the exact reason for it but honestly i actually prefer the in-game versions in most cases i think

the most significant cases that i can think of for this are probably CORE, death by glamour, SAVE the world and his theme, there might be other examples but those ones had the biggest impact on me personally (in-depth analysis of each below)

starting off with CORE the wiki says that in-game it's played at 0.4 semi-tones higher than the soundtrack version. the song is amazing regardless (what do you expect it's freaking toby fox of course it does) and is absolutely one of my personal favourites on the ost, but i love especially how this version keeps the momentum and energy super high in battles, as this is the only song in the soundtrack that continues to play during battles which is a feature that i ALWAYS love when it comes up in games.

whereas in the rest of the game you're always stopping every now and then to befriend whatever monsters try to attack you, this simple change to the music keeps you always focused on the task at hand, that while you are still befriending anything that comes your way (in the context of pacifist at least), you're doing so with the ultimate purpose of keeping moving on and on to your final destination, and it gives a whole new dynamic to this area that you haven't seen throughout the rest of the game. combine this with alphys, who has been a pretty comedic character up to this point while still having everything under control, completely breaking down and leaving you on your own to make your way through the CORE, and it's just such a perfect setting for a final area

immediately after CORE is death by glamour, which interestingly actually plays a little bit slower in-game than the soundtrack version - according to the wiki it plays at either 95% or 97% of the speed depending on if you skip his pre-fight dialogue, which?? really makes me wonder if this one is intentional or not, but whatever! you'd probably think that a slower speed would make it feel less energetic, but honestly i love this version! (yes i will be defending all of these)

the soundtrack version gives off the feeling of a super energetic dance battle but in my opinion the slightly slower tempo of the in-game version gives you slightly more room to breathe, to think about your next move to get your ratings as high as possible - it is a turn-based rpg after all, and the in-game version makes it feel more like a beautiful dance where every move is not too frantic, but is well thought-out and executed to perfection in all aspects

skipping ahead a lil bit, the next one i can think of is SAVE the world, which according to the wiki plays in-game at 95% of its soundtrack speed. i love this one guys. i know i love them all but i really love this one. the slower speed adds just a little tinge of sadness to the song, which really sells the feeling that you're trying so hard to reach out to these monsters that don't remember you, but are trying to hard to, but they just can't quite get there, but you can slowly coax them out of their lost soul state by showing them the same acts of kindness that you always have, until they finally remember who did those kind things for them, and they remember themselves as well, and god it's so good

last one i'll talk about here is his theme. this one is probably the most significantly changed, being brought down to 85% of its original speed in-game. this time it's really not a subtle difference like the other cases, it pretty much completely changes the tone of the song. it's kind of hard to describe, the soundtrack version gives off a very hopeful vibe, that despite everything that's happened, everything's going to turn out okay

the in-game version to me feels like more of what asriel is feeling in the moment. he's gained the power of a god, but he's still just a lost kid, and he's suddenly having to struggle with having all of these emotions that he had lost for years, and he just doesn't know what to do. he still believes that the person in front of him is the fallen child that was his best friend, that he watched die hundreds of years ago, and he just so desperately wants them back, but as they continue to reach out over and over i think he realises that he's trying to escape from reality, that his friend is gone and this is just a genuinely kind-hearted person that wants to reach out to him and help him through his feelings.

the rainbow laser at the end shows his feelings so well. ATK power in undertale is defined by the person's willingness to hurt others. asriel is trying so hard to kill the fallen child so that they'll keep playing the game, but his attacks continue to do smaller and smaller fractions of their health, his ATK power literally dropping as he has less and less desire to hurt them.

i know i didn't stay on topic very well but honestly this is just a ramble about how the subtle changes in the in-game versions made me feel differently compared to the soundtrack versions and yeah i've been thinking about this game so much recently and i love it so much guys thank you if you read all this 🥺

if you want one more example to check out for yourself i'm pretty sure reunited is also different in-game than in the soundtrack but i've been writing this for so long and idk what else i could say about it :')

[leviathancries]

tragic love songs to study to (vol. 5)

[DUCKBOY] (2023)

Tragic Love Songs To Study To is Ruby da Cherry (from $uicideboy$) newest solo project. Going by the name DUCKBOY for this album adding to his ever-growing list of aliases. Personally something I have been waiting for, for a long fucking time. Ruby (DUCKBOY) managed to tap into his roots in punk and created this mini album. Much to the upset of most of his zoomer iPad baby fanbase who only want KILL MYSELF! DRUGS! SATAN!!! music.

Track 1: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"You may hang up or press 1 for more options"

To be honest as an intro track I have heard better, It does set a pretty good (dial)tone for the theme of the album. (people bothering him and trying to call him)

Track 2: ROUGAROU (i've become the monster

"Let's pull back the tide and see if the moon is dead!"

ROUGAROU starts off the album strong with that signature 2000's emo pop-punk vibe. I'm a huge fan of Ruby in general but I feel on songs like this his potential as an artist shines best. His style of singing is so suited to this type of song and it's a shame he hasn't made music like this sooner lol. (yeah before you try and be a smart ass I have listened to his punk shit from his old bands, ur not cool for knowing that) Also the hook of the song is so fucking catchy it's been stuck in my head since the album came out. "I HAVE ALL NIGHT TO HUNT, I PROMICE TO PROTECT YOU WITH MY CURSE!" insane.

Track 3: where y'at, duckboy?

"Oh my god, call me ASAP..."

Interesting choice to put an interlude as the 3rd track on the album, but it is only a 7 song album so I guess it is more forgivable. That being said I actually really like this song. It carries on with the theme of people calling Ruby and bothering him. The simple hip-hop trap beat with that smooth bass kinda fucks to be honest.

Track 4: XXL hadron collider

"I ain't crying over spilt milk, but who's gonna clean this mess?"

Track four thrusts us right back in that 2000s emo mindset. Singing about suicide and betrayal has never been so cool to be honest. This is probably my favorite song on the album solely because it has such a nostalgic sound to it. This song just reminds me of being super young watching AMV's on YouTube in 2008. Like listen to this song and tell me this doesn't remind you of that. And again Ruby flexes on us with his talent of writing catchy hooks. Also the vocal style switch up between verse one and two is unmatched.

Track 5: ​my love life needs a lobotomy

"I spent the whole night throwing up your spiiit!"

Track four and five seamlessly flow into one another. I mean the song is only 41 seconds so it's pretty much just verse three of track four separated into it's own track. BUT IT'S A FUCKING GOOD SONG DAMNIT! like really fucking good. Not really much else to say about this one.

Track 6: where y’at, duckboy​?? "Call me back dawg..."

Another interlude. More voicemails. More chill-hop beats. If I had to compare this one to the other interlude I prefer the other one. Although the girl who says "Thank you" at the end sounds cute :3

Track 7: ​after further reasoning, i’m going to bed

"I'll live as long as my little lungs last!"

Last track of the album. Track seven is another pop-punk song, using catchy guitar riffs and upbeat drums. Ruby shows off his versatile voice on this song using different vocal styles and a good variety of pitch. Homeboy went crazy not gonna lie. Another memorable song IMO. Just another thing to add to my long, long list of good Ruby songs and verses.

Overview: tragic love songs to study to (vol. 5)

I know I was essentially throating Ruby in this review but what can I say? I love the dude. He's a huge inspiration for me. Personal opinions aside ill say the good and bad about the album as a whole.

It's fuckin' short. Like short as fuck. Like out of the 7 songs we have an intro and 2 interludes. That only leaves 4 actual songs, one of which is only 41 seconds long. That being said, the full songs on this album are fucking amazing. Like really, really good. If you are into 2000s pop-punk, emo nostalgia shit. Check this out. The songs are super catchy, well produced and well written. This album has been a long time coming since Ruby has hinted at a solo project for years and I'm hoping for more in the future!

Rating: 8/10

If there's any typos or inconsistencies in this review it's because I can't be bothered to proof read it.

[eat-the-richard]

GAME OF THE YEAR ("GOTY") (as they call it) 20222

Fellas!!!!! Howsit going Tumblr, felt like writing about video game again because my brain loves video games! I like thinking about video games more than actually playing them! There’s plenty of us out there who watched a baker’s million video essays in their adolescence and have been poisoned (PLAGUED... even) with gaming knowledge and insights. And I’m one of them!!!!!!!!!!! So here it is, Y'INZ... my top 300 games of christian year 2022.

And just to preface before one of you FREAKS gets any funny ideas, I think basing your GOTY lists on just what released in a given calendar year is bogus! If you do this, GET OUT OF HERE! If you only play the newest games on your PS5 and don't even look at anything released before 2018, everyone at the lunch table thinks you smell weird. So put on some antiperspirant and play freaking Halo Combat Evolved for pete's sake! (EDITOR'S NOTE: Despite this joke, Richard has not yet completed Halo: Combat Evolved despite owning it.)

HONORABLEST MENTION

Sometimes you have a list that has honorable mentions. me too!

Mario Kart 8 Booster Course Pass (Nintendo Switch)

This is actually not very good since it's just cheap mobile game levels imported into the MK8 engine. Unfortunately I love giving Nintendo money AND happen to think that playing Mario Kart after a hard day at the mine shaft is pretty relaxing. So even if they imported levels from like Forza Motorsport I think I would like that.

Sonic Origins (Nintendo Switch)

Is this even really a game to rank on a list like this? 30 year old Genesis remakes shoddily copy pasted into the Hedgehog Engine for some reason? With extra content really not worth engaging with? Ehhhh whatever man, this guy has Sonic 3 in it. You ever play Sonic 3 before? If not go do that instead and come back ONLY IF you've completed at least Flying Battery Zone. I would go further but I'd totally understand if you stop playing after pushing the Sandopolis blocks.

WWE 2K22 (PS5)

Regrettably, the newest outing from 2K Sports and WWE is probably my second most played game on this list. Not that this game is even bad, I mean it is probably the best WWE game in the last 10 years. Tons of modes, good visuals, cool roster. I played the banana slamma outta this game for like a month. But then I realized I was having more fun assigning championships to created guys on my roster to match the week-to-week championship histories of modern WWE and AEW rather than, you know, actually playing it. So I haven't touched this in about seven months. Something about the moment-to-moment gameplay of 2K just doesn't engage me at all, feels too slow but also not impactful enough to match how wrestling actually feels to watch. Feels faker than the real thing, believe it or not.

Ship of Harkinian (PC)

This only didn't make the list since, I mean like it's Ocarina of Time from 1998 which I first played in 2010 and have replayed approximately 8 times. But I've been waiting for something like this since the Ocarina of Time source code was 100% decompiled late last year, and the fellas over on the King's ship have given me everything I wanted. 60 FPS gameplay, tons of tweaks to improve on OOT's core features, support for nearly every device under God's watchful glare, controller remapping AND analog camera. Still doesn't look as good as the 3DS version but if you choose to play Nintendo Switch Online version rather than this you are under arrest.

OK THIS IS THE LIST EVERYTHING BEFORE WAS NOT REAL

16. Super Kiwi 64 (PC)

I remember picking up this game while being stressed out about going to a social function. The sales pitch for me was simple: it plays like an N64 platformer AND you can beat it in an hour.

As someone who has more games in his backlog than iPhone chargers in his plastic bag of chargers (pictured), it feels good sometimes to just... crank one out y'know? One session of non-stop platforming and you never have to worry about it again. Pure dopamine to your chrome dome.

It helps that SK64 is a pretty fun time too. With controls so fluid that I don't think I messed up one of my thousands of jumps, levels which are just the right about of expansive as to not be too imposing or restrictive, and a story which makes me grin to the edge of my cheek bone but not further, this is an easy recommend for people of my age range and taste in gaming.

15. Astro's Playroom (PS5)

That's right gaming public, PROOF that I own a PS5. I purchased that white block of solid matter in January after realizing the sheer amount of gaming experiences I was missing by not being in the PlayStation ecosystem. Of course, directly after making the plunge, one of my main PS holdouts I thought would never release on PC (Spider-Man (2018)), well, did. So I haven't really used my PS5 as much as I probably should have for a $500 investment. My fault, of course, for being bad with money.

But for the brief three hours that I was playing Astro's Playroom, I was not thinking these things. Not that I was absolutely head over heels in love, just that I thought, "hey! this little (big) ps5 system ain't so bad! it has this cute little robot game where I can be surrounded by playstation propaganda and murder the dinosaur from the ps1 tech demo!"

I put this game right above Kiwi since they are both pretty short but the sheer effort put into Astro's presentation just notches it a little ahead. You can tell the devs of this loved making it and, hey, I loved playing it too. A little bit. Not $500 love but maybe $10 over the course of 50 years love.

14. Mario's Super Picross (SNES) (by way of Switch Online)

Much like Kiwi, I played the majority of Picross this year while being stressed out over a social arrangement. But while the social arrangement surrounding Kiwi's purchase and playtime was honestly not that bad and I was just being an anxious little bear, the social arrangement surrounding Picross was a wedding. A wedding I had no friends to go there with, taking place 6 hours away with a crowd full of people who went to Liberty University. Needless to say I was dreading the days leading up to this thing. I distinctly remember sitting there, in my rented Airbnb quite literally just in someone's house, thinking to myself, "why the fuck am I here in someone's house for a wedding I will not have fun at?"

So instead of thinking that, I got lost in Picross. While a game I've certainly heard plenty about, Picross seemed to me like it would be confusing to learn and not super fun for me to play. But all it took was a friend explaining the basics to this Japanese-language-only game for me to figure it out. The game started with easy 5x5 puzzles to get my feet wet with the idea of breaking blocks to match the numbers on each row and column. But before I knew it, I was staring down the barrel of a 25x20 board with 30 minutes to figure everything out. And the cool part was that I didn't necessarily feel overwhelmed by that point. The concept had seeped itself into my head that much.

I'll definitely be playing more of this game in the future. I don't think I've even completed a quarter of this game's gargantuan list of puzzles. I kind of don't want to complete this one because I know if I do I'll be sent down the rabbit's hell of Picross games. That puzzle debt is too great for me at the moment.

13. Sonic Frontiers (PC)

Nearly two years ago, I wrote a bunch of words about Sonic on this very blog that ended with this pretentious garbage:

I don’t want SEGA to half ass [the next Sonic game]. I want them to boldly step into that abyss with a vision of Sonic that appeals to the heart of the fandom. Because, even if it’s been down recently, that heart is still beating, and after the abuse it’s already taken, it’s going to take a hell of a lot to get it to stop. And if SEGA can get this heart pumping to its full extreme as it had in years past, we may have something legendary to look forward to.

And, uhh, that kind of happened? Sonic fans seemingly across the board (or as much across the board of lavishly online Sonic nerds as you can get) are utterly in love with Sonic Frontiers for appealing straight into the heart of early 2000s Sonic fandom.

There's plenty about this game that I can look at and say with certainty that I absolutely love. These main four hedgehog et al characters have never been written this well in a mainline title of the series. At its best, Sonic running around the open world is a straight up good time. And the three titan boss themes have been permanently stuck in my headphones and may be some of my favorite songs of the past several years.

So its a shame then that Sonic Frontiers doesn't quite come together very well. The gameplay loop just feels kind of... random to me in a way that no other game in the series has ever been. In a four hour Sonic Frontiers review podcast (*shudder*) JebTube calls some of the challenges that open the map up "Among Us tasks" which may have just ruined that part of the game for me. More than anything, though, the controls just don't quite stick the landing for me. You feel pretty magnetized to the ground even when running off a ledge, which feels pretty strange when the very foundation of this series is based on being launched up a vertical slope into the air.

Still, it's hard not to respect what SEGA was able to accomplish with this one. Harping on potential is often a fool's errand but sometimes, with a media property that has spat you into the dirt more often than not, its hard not to cling onto that potential so that hope isn't totally lost.

12. Sonic Triple Trouble 16-Bit (PC)

Thankfully, even if the mainline Sonic releases are spotty, fanmade content has kept the spirit alive and beating. And this title, made entirely by one guy (Noah Copeland of bearded twitter PFP fame), is the latest in the Sonic fandom's absolute service to older games in the series. From the Retro Engine decomp releases to mods that force games like Adventure DX and Heroes kicking and screaming to the operating table, Sonic fans love improving on older games. Because we love those games. And preserving the core of what made those games so special while improving on the many objective flaws they may have it's the highest tribute you could possibly make to it.

Triple Trouble 16-Bit may be the shining example of this phenomenon. The base of this remake is in an already decent Game Gear game released in 1994, at the height of Sonic's popularity. But it's just too hard to play those Game Gear games in the modern day. There's a certain retro crappiness that comes with playing a game like that, with cropped aspect ratios and 3rd rate visuals bringing down a decent concept. With a fresh Genesis inspired coat of paint and enough tweaks to the overall package that make things way better to actually play, Copeland's project is pretty clearly the only way to play that game right now.

Seeing this game given such love and care makes me yearn for this treatment for other older Sonic games. Like, hear me out OK? Sonic Rush. 16:9 widescreen. No screen switching weirdness to make it easy for modern screens. CD quality soundtrack. Turn down the trick SFX. And tweak the level design to not be so unforgiving. I would do that but I'm a talentless hack!

11. Spider-Man Remastered (PS5)

When I purchased my PS5 earlier this year, I had two games in mind to play on it. One of them was Spider-Man, which has been taunting me for the last five years since its unveiling at one of those old E3 shows. Swinging around like the red guy is just one of those innately fun ideas, I think. Kids think it when looking outside the car window. Adults think it when looking outside their office's window. I want to jump out of here and swing around monkey-style!

Really, Spider-Man only needed to do that right and, shocker, it does do the swinging right. It doesn't even really matter that the open world is in New York, the pinnacle of urban homogeneity and therefore not an incredibly fun world to look around in. New York City skyscrapers were tailor-made for web swinging and video games have been trying to capture that magic for 40 years. You can argue that the 2004 Spider-Man 2 game has a bit more depth to it, but 2018's version is just so smooth and effortless. Really makes me feel like Sp-

Of course there's a story and structure to this game too. Which were both fine. Both serviceable, both doing exactly what they needed to and nothing more. Which probably is bad if you like Spider-Man more for its narrative. But also you don't exist, I had just made up a guy in my head.

10. Dark Souls II (PC)

The end of 2021 revealed to me one crucial detail - I like Dark Souls and Soulslike games after years of failed attempts. This realization occurring conveniently before the release of FromSoftware's next behemoth Elden Ring. So the race was on - how many Soulsborne games developed by FromSoftware could I complete before getting to Elden Ring?

In January, all eyes turned to Dark Souls II as the immediate next step after slaying Lord Gwyn. I've heard a lot about it, not all positive of course. There's a lot of annoying little things about this one. The controls feel a little weird. The health bar is constantly going down. The levels feel kind of samey and lack a ton of level-to-level cohesion. The bosses are truly all over the place.

But, like, Dark Souls 1 had a lot of problems too. So why did I not love this one as much? The gameplay loop involved in tackling monumental challenge is still as fun as ever, and none of the areas are truly repulsive in quality or anything. Maybe it's the fact that I can't really remember much about the experience that says it all here. Still, I had a good time messing around with this one, and even from the bit I experimented with it looks like replaying DSII is definitely worth it.

9. Risk of Rain 2 (PC)

Gamer confession time - I do not care for Roguelikes. I've tried, believe me I've tried. Isaac, Gungeon, Necrodancer, Spelunky, none of these ever did anything for me. So what were these missing? At risk of going on too much of a tangent, let's just keep it simple. They didn't have multiplayer.

Risk of Rain 2, has multiplayer. And just by nature of that one addition, I'm sold on the idea of randomly generated runs of similar content. What can I say? Reacting to the different events in every run is a lot more fun when there's people to react with. Tackling the challenge of getting to the end of a 90 minute run is a lot more satisfying when it's a group effort. And learning the game's mechanics and intricacies by asking a question to a human is a lot more engaging than doing so to a Fandom page.

You know what else Risk of Rain 2 has? Loader. Gosh damped Loader is in this game. Loader has a grapple hook that can fling her across the level AND can uppercut small critters. I want to be her when I'm robotic and dead.

8. Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order (PC)

Star Wars is kind of exhausting to engage with. Thankfully, beyond being another piece of the Disney media machine, Jedi Fallen Order is a pretty fun game as well.

I had this game on my backlog for about two years and I'm glad I finally got to it. The main make or break for me, the Metroid-enjoyer of my friend circle, is how the levels would be laid out to incentivize exploration and finding essential movement-based items along the way to facilitate progress. And while not as good as, say, Metroid Prime in that regard, Jedi Fallen Order hits a lot of those beats. I didn't even think there'd be a double jump in this game (for some reason) but when I got one it immediately made me think of all the new areas I could explore with that new ability. Combat is pretty fun here as well, with a slew of abilities both involving your saber and your force hands to obliterate the white menace (Stormtroopers) and all rats that come from the dirt.

Taken as just a game, it's a good time, albeit one that feels like a mashup of a lot of other successful game ideas and mechanics. But when all these mechanics and features are wrapped in a cozy Star Wars shaped wrapping paper along with a gift card to "Actually Tells an Interesting Story of Regret and Acceptance Without Relying Too Heavily on Star Wars Tropes And Areas," maybe it comes together better than the sum of its parts.

7. Splatoon 3 (Nintendo Switch)

Boy howdy, do I love giving money to Nintendo. One of my favorite pastimes, that and sitting. I'll be honest though, I wasn't too keen on engaging with Splatoon 3 up to launch. Nothing really grabbed me as someone who only liked Splatoon 1 and 2. To be honest, I was more of a fan of the single player modes of those earlier games. So if anything, I would just get it for the campaign. Which would have been fine, Splat 3's story takes the best of Octo Expansion's creative level ideas into a wild story that ends with a cool boss fight, like expected.

What I didn't expect was for one of Splatoon 3's multiplayer modes to make a believer out of me, which did end up happening. Not turf war though, at least not really. Still only think that mode is alright at best and infuriating at worst. Or Ranked/Anarchy, sweating in Splatoon feels like a recipe for a brain tumor. Splatoon 3's biggest win is the new Salmon Run. Well, "new" isn't really accurate since its mostly the same thing as Splatoon 2's mode. However, Splatoon 3 surprised millions and soared above the competition with just one innovative tweak and trick - throwing golden eggs with the A button.

And with that, Salmon Run can be played far more offensively, letting you run around all over the place with your Tri-Slosher while throwing eggs into the net from the lower level of the map. And my golly, when I nail a buzzer beater where the last second egg throw into the net just meets the quota to move onto the next level, I felt more comfortable with parting $20 a year for Nintendo Online than I ever have. Until the next communication error, of course.

6. Dark Souls III (PC)

Dark Souls III, the fifth Demon's Souls game and the fourth game on my Soulsborne list, was made for me by the Abyss Watchers. My experience with those guys is what these games are all about. A brutal challenge which I throw myself at time and time again, originally feeling so hopeless and beaten but gradually growing in both skill and confidence to conquer your fears and goals. Dark Souls III is also made by the Dancer of the Boreal Valley, a beautiful fight befitting of its name in which your rolls and R1 presses must fit in tandem with the bosses enveloping swings and spins. When judging Soulsborne boss fights, DSIII is easily my favorite in the series.

And on the quality of those bosses DSIII sits here on my list. Because the rest of the game is kind of forgettable. Maybe it was just Souls fatigue that did this to me but I really don't remember a whole lot beyond the bosses from this game. I remember the one terrible swamp area that felt like dragging my foot through a... mud... puddle. And I remember the area that was kind of black and white that looped back around on itself. That's about it though, and this Souls fatigue kind of bleeds into the overarching themes of the game, it seems like. This world needed to die, leaving it all in the past to chart new territory. Dark Souls is over, but it's spirit will continually revive into greater things.

5. Cuphead: Delicious Last Course (PC)

I have only played Cuphead as a multiplayer experience. Over the summer of 2019, my roommate and I gorged ourselves in Cuphead's challenge and aesthetic. He would wake me up at around 11am, staring with loving yet needy eyes which told me to get my ass up and back at the setup. Much like Risk of Rain 2, the joy of accomplishment feels all the sweeter when shared, and the journey to get there all the more fun. We even learned the Cuphead barbershop quartet jingle, singing it on the way to Frenchi's to the bereavement of passers by.

At the end of our journey, I distinctly remember feeling excited for the new DLC level to release, as at that point it was scheduled to drop later that year. Less than a year turned into three, and by the time the Cuphead DLC launched for a measly $8, I knew we needed to get together again to experience the heights of beating the piss out of bees and carrots yet again.

Cuphead's Delectable Lone Continuation is, put simply, more Cuphead. It didn't necessarily set to light the world ablaze like last time, but as a fun revisit of the mechanics and aesthetic, DLC was everything I could have wanted. We certainly didn't find it as hard as the end of the base game, given we beat everything within two sessions and five hours. But perhaps we have simply grown as gamers, and as men, since our last time at cartoon town.

4. Spark the Electric Jester 3 (PC)

Spark hit the big time this year, notable since it was the first time the Yellow Lanky Brown-Coated Hat Wearing Clown Man has ever hit my purview. Taken on its own, Spark 3 is an impressive feat for a single developer, as high speed 3D platformers are a tough mix to develop for. You have to simultaneously create large, sprawling landscapes for the characters to traverse through, while being keenly aware that the world is often going to be breezed by in a matter of seconds.

But taken as a culmination of developer Lake Feperd's body of work over the past decade, forged in the fangame scene before tackling the challenges and expectations of original IP, Spark 3 rises ever higher. Comparing footage of the game's two predecessors reveals a steady forming of confidence in how to make games that feel and, more importantly, flow like this. With controls that propel the titular character seamlessly to impressive speed, and level design that facilitates such high speed without becoming too much of a straight line. Developers with higher budgets have been treading this line for years, and often fail to hit the peaks of this wondrous adventure.

High speed doesn't define Spark though, as a character and as a game. There's a lot of thought put into how each level fits into the overarching world. You're not just running through levels for the fun of it, these are genuine places that are inhabited by people. If you stray off the linear path to collect any of the colored coins scattered through each level, you'll find each area is fleshed out beyond the point of necessity. The story is surprisingly deep and moving for a game of this style, with twists and turns that call into question the world you've just blazed through. More than anything, Spark feels like a labor of love, and hopefully that love is reciprocated.

3. The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures (Dolphin)

It's easy to take for granted the emulation paradise we're currently experiencing. Nearly every console ever developed has at least some group of passionate hobbyists working to preserve that hardware and software library therein to players and developers for years to come. Even modern consoles like the Switch and PS4 have impressive emulation solutions right now, with undoubtedly more progress to be made in the coming years.

Most impressively, though, is Dolphin. A combined emulator of the GameCube and Wii consoles, Dolphin has been polished to a mirror's shine. Nearly every game worth playing on these two systems have been made fully compatible, with remaining loose ends being closed every day. If Dolphin closed up shop five years ago, it would still be among the most feature complete emulators to this day, but the continued progress is nothing short of inspiring.

No emulation experience has left me in awe more than when me and three other friends played Four Swords Adventures earlier this year. By linking Dolphin and another GBA emulator (mGBA), utilizing the built in Netplay features in Dolphin to connect to each other, and remapping our controls to better suit modern pads, we were able to play one of the most chaotic, insane, well paced, and ultimately fun co-op experiences Nintendo has ever made. While the original game was hampered by insane accessibility concerns (four GBAs for crying out loud!) and has not been ported officially to anything since, this emulation solution has blown the door open for future players to experience this multiplayer masterpiece well into the future.

2. Elden Ring (PC)

There was no doubt FromSoftware's latest game would hit this list, as it has and will do for the lists of thousands of gaming-obsessed wannabe writers over these past and future months. It's very concept left people in want - an open world Dark Souls game with the highest production values and development time in the Soulsborne semi-franchise. These games' following has progressed far beyond cult, as Elden Ring and its impact caused these games to hit the mainstream. Reverberations of which caused me and my friends to embark on our Souls experience in the preceding months. Along the journey, we fell in love with what was on offer - the world, the design, the challenge, the community, and the sense of achievement, specifically on my end, of finally putting a series that I always knew I would love solidly into one of my favorites.

All roads lead to May, when everyone I knew was either already playing or had just started playing Elden Ring. The experience of early Limgrave is something really special, and it remains my favorite part of the game. Truly no path in this early area is the wrong path. Each story and journey embarked is entirely unique to each of the millions of players. Open world games rarely get this unique part of their appeal; playing games like Spider-Man this year only reinforced this perspective. While each player is bounded to come across some of the same things, the pure scale and density of the world is something to behold, and to experience everything requires commitment and time.

But often, when beholding the monolith of something seemingly insurmountable, motivation is fleeting. Admittedly, after getting through Leyndell and conquering Morgott, I simply ran out of gas. It should have come as no surprise, given I had been gorging myself in Souls content for the preceding months and that Elden Ring on average takes around three times the hours to complete compared to the preceding titles. I took a three month long break from completing its remaining areas, in which even when I got there, I was struck by the quality difference between the early and end game. This is to take nothing away from what Elden Ring achieved, though, and the experience I had playing it. Ultimately, it's an experience I'm glad I had, particularly at the end of my Souls journey. But as the months went on, my experience with Elden Ring was not what stuck with me as the peak of my gaming year.

1. Bloodborne (PS4)

I bought a PS5 to play this game. I've owned Bloodborne for many years, with my first experience occurring in 2015. My time with the game was short, as very soon afterward I was whisked off to college without a PS4 to play with. But much like how the experience of trekking through the Undead Burg and Parish is still baked into my skull even years after first attempting it, I will never forget my first run through Central Yharnam. That packed alleyway full of damned locals wielding nothing but their bare fists and torches to light the way, dimly lit and dankly produced with the pronounced, overwhelming horror of a gothic town gone mad with sickness and death, remains the most striking opening to a Souls game FromSoft has ever made.

I didn't get much further than the Father Gascoigne fight before I stopped playing that first time, but something about those early hours kept drawing me back to Bloodborne. Even when I was pitch broke and jobless in college, I would frequently check for the price of PS4 Slims on Facebook Marketplace to see if I could get one for close to $100. While the PS4 has a great library, with tons of quality titles that I would like to play at some point, only one made me eventually pull the trigger when money was right.

And here I was, March of 2022, having bested Dark Souls 1 and 2 and becoming innately familiar with the Souls series, finally sitting in front of my obnoxiously high latency television that was stating the Bloodborne title screen. At last, I was ready to give this experience another crack. And of course, a master at gaming and gameplay that I am, I still got rocked at this same Central Yharnam graveyard. As I soon learned, knowledge of previous Souls games actually isn't that much of an advantage. You don't play Bloodborne like Dark Souls, a fact I was harshly reminded of going straight from DSII to BB to DSIII. It's been repeated to the point of chronic eye pain at this point, but the lack of shields in Bloodborne really makes a difference in how you trudge through it. This lack of instant defensive options combined with the regain system of getting back health upon hitting an enemy, the insane number of quality trick weapons at your disposal, and the complete lack of things like slow rolling and armor upgrades forces players to approach combat scenarios not so much as a studious, opportunistic Dark Souls player but as a ravenous hound, thirsty for carnage and blood vials.

Which, even in context of the game world, makes sense. You aren't a cursed undead trying to escape a rotten world by resetting the cycle of anguish, escaping this cruel engagement through wits rather than brawn. You're coming here. To this ruinous city on its most vile, violent occasion. The utter definition of eldritch, cosmic horror which unravels slowly and grotesquely as the game progresses. You, in your pride, come here to cure illness. And in your attempt, you find yourself adapting to match the furor and intensity of the beasts you fight in your path. Even if a cure can be found here (it can't), the sickness you receive in return can't be worth the trouble. Beasts all over the shop...

I usually don't think of games like this. I have what my goofy favorite YouTuber NakeyJakey calls goopy goblin gamer brain, a sickness which makes you compare every video game to Super Mario. Gameplay comes first and foremost; it doesn't really matter how it all comes together as long as the core is solid. So perhaps its because Bloodborne quite simply can't get out of my head months after completing it that puts it at the top of my list. The more I think about the experience in its totality, the more in awe I feel of it. Games like Bloodborne are not created by pure artistic competency or raw man hours put in. There needs to be a certain alignment of the moon and amygdala to have something so horrific and beautiful exist on our revolving hellfire.

My "New Year's Rockin' Wish" is for Bloodborne to release on PC, if for no other reason than for my friends to play it. They helped me get over the hurdles needed for me to enjoy this series, so they more than deserve to experience what I believe to be the crowning achievement of the FromSoftware catalog. But if Mark Sony hates God and mocks death as much as I think he does, he will continue restricting access of Bloodborne to a sub-30 FPS experience even on my $500 white rectangle. And for this, my gamer brainiacs, he will go to, and burn in, hell.

Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

[rebellicnrising]

caesar flickerman :

“ volt , pretty much all of us just adore your watches and will miss your expertise if you don’t come back to us . will your token be yet another watch this time around ? ”

“ tell us a little bit about the collection , you’ve been teasing it for a while now ? is the final piece complete ? ”

“ ellie is a lucky girl to have such a brave uncle going into the arena with her , your sister would be so proud . if you could speak to her one last time before the arena , what would you say ? ”

— feel free to include more questions & answers , caesar usually has around 5 minutes with each tribute

“ volt , pretty much all of us just adore your watches and will miss your expertise if you don’t come back to us . will your token be yet another watch this time around ? ”

there's a quiet humility in the way his mouth picks up in a gentle curve at the mention of his watches, the art he'd spent the better part of two decades creating— art that would only increase in value the moment his cannon boomed in the arena. but the mention of the token has his right hand unconsciously creeping to the band of gold on his wrist, twirling the cuff before rubbing his thumb across the inlaid band of jasper. "no— i think i learned my lesson last time," he says with a laugh that sounds almost canned, "having something that ticks in a pitch black cave system was perhaps not my smartest move." thinks back to how he'd smashed that heirloom between two rocks, shattering the glass face and denting the hammered bronze until it fell silent; thinks back to how it had been the gateway into those art pieces that made him oh so popular among those painted faces, how mending that broken timepiece had felt a little like mending the broken pieces of himself that had been shattered in the arena— how he'd been able to take that ruined piece and breathe new life into it, how the project had breathed new life into him.

there's this desire to look out into the crowd of shadowed painted and glittering faces- to let his eyes seek them out, knowing that somewhere in the crowd they were watching— ( you breathed new life into me too. ) instead volt turns his gaze back to caesar, mouth fighting to keep his smile warm and pleasant despite how the question has his heart flipping and sinking all at once, "i've picked something much quieter this time— never let it be said that i don't learn my lessons." pause for laughter; caesar presses and it's then that volt turns his gaze towards the crowd, letting his eyes sweep over those featureless faces as if all of them and he were sharing some private joke before turning to caesar, "now, we all know i'm not much for jewelry myself- we've talked about this—" another pause for laughter, the joke being how volt was every stylists nightmare; that any time he was adorned with any sort of jewelry, it inevitably ended slipped off and ended stuffed into pockets— and when they had tried to correct this problem by removing his own pockets, they ended up in others pockets. rings felt clunky on his fingers and necklaces weighed on his neck and bracelets on his wrists; pause for laughter; his mouth pulled in a wide smile and his own chuckle adding to the tittering noise before his expression sobers up and eyes drop to the cuff on his wrist, "to take it off now in exchange for any other token would honestly leave me feeling quite naked, if i'm being perfectly honest, i'm just so used to it being there." and true to caesar's form, there's that prompting- let's see it!— and the crowd joins in. it's all a performance- the playful reluctance that gives way to an exaggerated eye roll and a mouth that stretches into a near bashful grin before he moves to pull back the sleeve of his suit jacket and shirt to flash the simple golden wrist cuff, the beige jasper running in a band through the center, turning it first towards the host across from him, feeling caesar's hand move to cradle his wrist as if to inspect it before turning it out towards the crowd; there it is folks! after all these years, we finally got him to accessorize!

it's a rippling wave of laughter that goes through the crowd, punctuated by some whoops and whistles and volt joins in on the laughter- it's all a good joke, shared between friends- but when he draws his hand back to him as the laughter dies down, there's the slightest pinkish hue to his cheeks.

“ tell us a little bit about the collection , you’ve been teasing it for a while now ? is the final piece complete ? ”

he's grateful for the transition away from that token and back to the watches, his eyes lighting up at the question and he reaches out to give caesar's wrists a light shake, "i was hoping you would ask that. though, if i'm being perfectly honest, i did not realize that the piece i was currently working on would be that potential final piece— or that i would be working on such a crunched time frame in order to finish it. even so, i have to say, i think it might be my best yet." there's that secret satisfied smile gracing his face as he leans closer towards caesar, "would it be alright if i showed it off?" the delight in caesar's expression is to be expected as is the hum coming off the crowd and volt can almost feel as if they too are leaning in closer from their seats in that grand auditorium. his hand dips into the pocket of his jacket— first comes the chain, black titanium links that glint in the bright stage lights, followed by the watch itself. instead of the sleek flat circular case design, when it leaves his pocket volt reveals the jet black sphere connected to the chain by a bow of the same color. as he lets the watch spin at the end of that chain, the light catches the glittering circles that cover the entire piece.

the chain wraps around his hand and his other palm moves to cradle that sphere turning it towards caesar, "i have to admit, this project was a bit more challenging- the spherical case design was something that i had wanted to explore more with further pieces but if this is to be my last piece, it's one i would be proud to leave." his thumb runs over glittering circles- mother of pearl inlaid into the surface with such care- and over the small bumps of opals that catch the light and splinter off into rainbow hues. his smile turns a bit sly as he looks over at the host, "you know, caesar, there's a secret with my watches-- in the case designs." the watch case settles in the middle of his palm and his opposite hand traces those circles, "i've never made two watches the same; while most people look at the embellishments on the case as nothing more than an artist's flare-- they must think i really like circles." and he pauses for the quiet ripple of laughter, turning his attention to that crowd before winking, "which- i do- but it's more than just my own particular filigree; it's a language." another one of those pauses but instead of laughter, his ears pick up a quiet murmur that runs through the crowd, "hence the difference in the design of this final piece-- i had quite a bit to say for this last piece. a secret i had planned on keeping for much longer but, should i not return from the arena, i wanted to leave panem with that knowledge. i'm sure there are those who will take great care in trying to translate those messages-- i can only hope they take as much joy in the puzzle of translating them as i did in creating them."

gathering the chain in his hand, he turns to take one of caesar's hands, pressing the watch and chain in his palm, "i wonder if you might do me one last kindness, caesar." of course, the host is all too eager to agree and volt's mouth pulls in a toothless smile, "this last piece is a gift-- a gift to whoever wins the hunger games this year. i wonder if you might hold onto it for me until then-- and do me the honor of presenting the piece to them." that smile goes a little teasing and his head tilts to the side, turning back to the crowd, "and you have all bore witness to me requesting this so, in the event caesar decides to hold onto the piece for himself, you all can hold him accountable. i expect there to be rioting in this chamber should he not honor my final request." another laugh ripples through the crowd but he can feel the unease that's settling over them at the thought. ( good. )

“ ellie is a lucky girl to have such a brave uncle going into the arena with her , your sister would be so proud . if you could speak to her one last time before the arena , what would you say ? ”

the smile on his face nearly freezes in place- a lucky girl, such a brave uncle, your sister would be so proud— before slowly slipping off, replaced with a furrowed brow and lips that purse to keep from frowning and his hand lifts to rub at his chin, trying to hide that slip and disguise it as an expression of deep thought. he knows the ploy: winding down the interview with something heartfelt and genuine, giving him the opportunity to play up that selfless act, to show the love for his sister and his niece as something deeply relatable to anyone who had ever loved another person more than himself— as if his volunteering for ellie were anything but an extreme act of selfishness; as if his sister, rest her soul, could look at the displays of the week as anything to be proud of.

"caesar, i'm afraid i have to disagree with you— i don't think she would be proud; i think she would be horrified," and his voice is soft, picked up by the mic on his lapel and sent out in gentle waves out into the crowd, "it's an easy thing to imagine- a lovely thought, don't get me wrong- that she would see my volunteering as some great selfless act of love; and perhaps she would at first. but once that first wave of relief had crashed over her, i can't help but think of how she would look further out-- that instead of losing only her daughter, she would stand to lose both of us. and not just us, but hita and nilani whom my sister dearly loved before her passing. it's easy to imagine that those who wait back in our districts look to us as selfless heroes, moving to stand beside the ones we love as champions for them but in the end, we all know that only one person will walk out of that arena and that our volunteering, no matter how we want to twist it, was done for selfish motivations. we all want our child to be the one who makes it out." there's a tightness in his expression, thinly veiled sorrow and regret lining his face, "we all want our own to be the one who walks out and we will do terrible things to those we have called friends for years in order to make that happen-- to their children. how can we expect any of those we left behind to look at this with any sense of pride?" his eyes move back to caesar's face, "truthfully, i'm glad she isn't here to see this. that i don't have to make those promises to her- that i will do whatever is necessary to keep ellie safe, even against those that i love.

"if i had to leave any parting words, it wouldn't be for violet-- it would be for those who will be left afterwards, the family the games created for us without even realizing it," and his eyes go past caesar, off to the far end of the stage and while those bright lights obscure his vision, he knows that they're standing off to the side of the stage, just out of sight: io, hermes, nilani, solara, hita and elianna. and even beyond them to dante, finch, mina, peeta-- all the faces up and down the line of those volunteers waiting for their turn in the spotlight and the mentors who wouldn't enter the arena again but instead would have to watch helplessly from the outside; there's that urge to look out into the crowd ( to look for their face ), but he keeps his eyes looking past caesar and his hands lift to sign, 'no matter what happens, know that i loved you; know that if i lived a hundred years, it would have never been enough time to be in your company. we were brought together through violence but love is what binds us together and i want you to never forget that-- even if i never walk out of that arena, you are all so tightly wound around my heart that i will carry you with me to whatever lies after-- i hope that you will carry me too.' he pauses a moment, feeling a lump of emotion rise in his throat and his hands tremble; he brings the three fingers of his right hand to his mouth, kissing them and making as if to blow the kiss only to let those fingers turn out towards those hidden in the wings, "i wouldn't change a thing."

caesar's hand settles on his knee and it pulls his attention back to the host, that mask of empathy on his face and whatever final words of comfort he says are lost on volt; it's just noise that rattles uselessly in his ears, never quite making it to the processing part of his mind. he follows caesar as he stands though, grasping the hand that's held out to him before he's pulled into a hug that lacks the warmth of any real camaraderie, feeling the host turn him back out towards the crowd that claps politely, confusion painted on the faces of those capitol citizens as those last words went right over their heads. he doesn't linger on the stage, walking with that slight limp out of those blinding lights and into the wings, feeling elianna's body slam into his chest.

arms wrap around her and he can feel her shoulders shake and moisture begin to seep through the shirt he's worn; he ignores the sound of caesar announcing the next volunteer from district four, focusing instead on the little girl in his arms, whispering into her hair, "i know-- i know--" and he wants to tell her it'll be alright but the words get stuck in his throat and all that will leave him is that simple acknowledgement; he knows. and he's so deeply sorry.

[h0rr0rsaxo]

[ A God's Secret. || simp party. ]

Warnings: None!

Tags: @insane-horror-movie-addict @cheesefanboy2

A/N: Damon's secret..

Damon, the quiet God, was known for his unique ability to constantly have a chilly atmosphere around him. His white hair, which always covered the top half of his face, added to his enigmatic aura. Despite his intimidating appearance, Damon was a kind and gentle God who had a soft spot for his friends and loved ones. One day, his proxy pranced along and came to visit him. Fang was a lively and energetic human who was always on the move— something he had always admired about her. She loved spending time with Damon, as he was one of the few beings who could tolerate her hyperactive personality. As they sat together, Damon began to talk about his love life.

"You know, I fell in love with Akuma in my lifetime," Fang was surprised to hear that Damon had fallen in love with Akuma at one point. Akuma was known for her destructive nature and erratic behavior. Fang couldn't wrap her head around why Damon would be interested in someone like her. She started shivering at the mere thought of the two of them together.

"But Akuma? She's so destructive! And crazy!" Fang exclaimed, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Ah, but aren't we all? None of the Gods are perfect beings, we all have committed atrocious sins. It's how we got here in the first place. She isn't as evil as you might think, that persona she displays is simply that-- a persona."  Damon only chuckled quietly, his eyes twinkling with amusement. He explained that he had seen a different side to Akuma that no one else had seen. He had looked past her destructive tendencies and had seen the goodness in her heart.

"I didn't know you had a thing for…pastel colors?" 

"I've seen her real appearance before. When all the pink finally melts away…her hair and eyes are pitch-black— with no coloration whatsoever. Fascinating, isn't it?"

"I never seen her like that.." Fang tilted her head, "Is she pretty?"

"Beautiful." He quickly corrected her. Damon let a quick smile run past his lips as the cold air played with the white strands of his hair, "It's a sight you never forget. The adoration in those eyes…I've witnessed it before, but that adoration was only ever directed toward a single person. Her deceased sister," Fang was taken aback by Damon's explanation. She had never thought of Akuma in that way before. She had always seen her as a force to be reckoned with, not someone who could love and be loved. As Damon continued to talk about his feelings for Akuma, Fang began to understand. She saw that Damon truly cared for Akuma and that his love for her was genuine. She admired Damon for his ability to look past Akuma's flaws and see the beauty within her.

As they sat together, Damon told Fang about his relationships with other Gods, including Enid. Fang had always thought that Damon had a soft spot for Enid, and so she asked him directly. "But I thought you loved Enid," she said, her voice filled with curiosity.

Damon shook his head, his face serious. "It may seem like that, but it's only a game between us," he said, his voice low. "I've never felt genuine infatuation towards her. That temper of hers tends to get the best of her, and I can't be around someone who's always angry. She almost killed Zalgo over a simple argument." He chuckled slightly.

Fang was surprised by Damon's response. She had always thought that Damon and Enid had a special connection, and that they were meant to be together. But now she realized that she had been wrong all along. Damon went on to explain his true feelings about Enid. He said that while he enjoyed spending time with her and playing their little game, he had never truly been infatuated with her. He had always seen her as a friend, and nothing more. Fang listened intently to Damon's words, and she began to understand him better. She realized that he was not the cold-hearted God that everyone thought he was. He was someone who valued genuine connections and true emotions. He was not one to play games with people's hearts.

[landofsamurai]

@whitexreflection asked:

"Looks like I've been summoned~" Junko strutted toward Sougo and then pushed him against the wall, using one of her legs to pin him in before she leaned in close. "Such a shame, though, you're still pretty cute..." A sad, yet cutesy tone accompanied her voice while she gazed up at him for a moment before her expression contorted to that of a sadistic grin. "Puhuhu~ It's so despair inducing to have to punish you," Her body further pressed against him as she snuck her hands along his wrists and she leaned in to kiss his cheek. In the midst of that, her hands deftly handcuffed his hands to the pole.

Junko snickered and stepped back, that smile still curved along her lips and her eyes were strictly focused on him. "What, did you think I was gonna feel you up?" She paused before feigning embarrassment, "Pervert! This isn't a late night hentai, Okita!" It was then she fished some darts from her person, fixing her gaze on each one while she frowned for a moment. "Hmmm... I wonder what I should do with ya? Simple dart throwing seems kinda boring, y'know?" With that, she tilted her head.

"You're so much cuter hand cuffed like that. Maybe we should put duct tape on that mouth of yours, though... You tend to be pretty mean y'know." That last part was spoken with a high pitched voice.

Oh joy. The crazy bitch herself has arrived. Judging by the annoyed look on Okita's face, he was thrilled.

He didn't look all that phased when she'd push him against the wall, merely look back at her with any lack of amusement within his features. Arms crossed over his chest. Her voice was grating to the ears, ripping out her vocal chords so she'd never be open to curse the world by speaking ever again.

Okita had been curious on what she was planning, hence his lack of effort to do anything against her. Her touch wasn't very comforting, and for some reason judging by looks alone, he can tell how much blood was on her hands.

''Woooooah, handcuffs. How original.'' Like that hasn't happened to him from various women before. Typical thing to do to someone you wanted to torture.

''If anyone needs duct tape on their mouth here, it's you. Listening to you talk makes me want to bang my head on the wall up until I reach unconsciousness.'' Despite being restrained, he spoke his thoughts anyway not having anything to fear.

''I'm guessing you're using me as your toy since no other man is crazy enough to put up with you. Am I right?''

[lifeafter32]

Who are you? Becoming the person you want to be and being the person you are.

Who are you? That is one of the biggest and scariest questions you can ask anyone. When I ask myself that question all the titles or "hats" I feel that I wear, things I identify as myself, come to mind. Mother, daughter, girlfriend, writer, athlete, or even my job title "specialist" comes to mind. However, sometimes, its incredibly hard to identify as any given one of these.

Becoming the person you want to be is not easy, neither is being the person you are, or understanding you can be the person you want to be already just by proclaiming it so. The truth is, you already are who you want to be as long as you work towards it. That might probably doesn't make sense in a way, so Ill try to clarify. Take, for example. The fact I want to be a writer. I don't currently consider myself a writer. You as a reader might think. Why? You're writing this blog aren't you!? Well yes, I am, and I've written fanfiction as well as a few other things but I still don't consider myself a writer.

Why you ask? For the same reason you may feel like you cant own different titles, because I feel like I don't qualify as one. I've never had anything published. I feel like I don't have the credentials. I feel like that even as a pitching instructor who has went to college and played college softball sometimes. I feel like I'm a fraud, like I'm not good enough or have the experience enough to have a certain title bestowed upon me. I feel like I can't own it.

I'm not alone. I know I'm not and if you've gotten to this part of my little article most likely you've felt or feel the same. The culprit in our feelings is something called Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome, according to Merriam-Webster, is " a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success."

The thing we have to remind ourselves however is the fact that this is NOT TRUE. We all have to try to understand and work towards just throwing this pile of crap out of our heads. The fact is as long as we work towards something, if we practice it or do it, we are exactly who we want to be.

That answer might feel like its way too simple. "I can just, be who I want to be?" In a form, yes. Now obviously this doesn't mean that you can say you're the president and suddenly boom you're the president. What it does mean is if you put the work in, you could earn the title of president. In other ways, for example if you want to be a writer, first and foremost all you have to do is write. You don't have to have it published, you could write just by yourself and never show it to another person, but by doing that most simple thing you have become that person. You are then a writer and have earned the title of such.

Sounds pretty easy doesn't it? I learned this a bit ago, first lesson was when I started out wanting to be healthier and lift weights, lose weight, get fit. I've been slowly working on that for the past few years and I've currently lost 80lb. I wanted to be and get fit but still after losing a bunch of weight and now I've been going to the gym, created my own little gym at home now that covid struck, and I've been lifting weights and working out in my garage I still don't fit the stereotype of gym rat because quite frankly I love sweets and chocolate way too much to have a 6 pack.

Just because you don't feel like you fit the stereotype, doesn't mean you don't or can't own the title.

If you want to be something, the instant you start to work towards it, you become it. There is no rule book on when you gain a particular title until you head in that direction. You must also realize though that with almost anything, its a practice. Its a practice because you have to continually work towards it. In writing what I mean of course, you have to write. If you want to be a gym rat, that means you have to work out or go to the gym. You have to put effort into anything in order to earn that title.

I guess the whole purpose of this post is to say, you are who you want to be when you put the work in. So for this 2023 year, put the work in, get out there and be who you want to be. Don't make excuses. If you want to workout, cool pick up a set of weights. Honestly, for my workouts right now, I scour pinterest and I've put together my own boards with my workouts for the week, if you can't figure out what to do that is.

Put the work in, and OWN IT. I hope your 2023 is a motivational one.

If you have any questions, comments, want me to talk about a certain topic, just let me know, and message me or email me at candacepiner@hotmail.com