#i feel like starting over with an entirely new blog cuz this one just feels like too much to clean up

[hardytoms]

do i come back and start making gifs again idk is it worth it does it spark joy

[haveyouheardthisband]

i kinda have to agree with that previous anon. y'all make a difference in listenership more than you realize.

i use this blog to look up artists i've never heard of before. someone submitted it, so i take it as a recommendation! if the artist sucks as a person, it kinda sucks to post them, cuz to me this feels like a blog full of recommendations!

like, idk. i can't be the only one. i feel like a lot of ppl use this blog that way. so for the owner of the blog to deny the fact that this blog is actually... fairly large and serves as a way for ppl to find new music. it kinda just feels like ur ignoring what the whole purpose of this blog even is.

it just feels weird for you to make such a huge deal over not removing an artist when someone asks nicely... like i wouldn't want to be recommended an artist who is a rlly shitty person, either...

These aren't necessarily meant to be recommendations (though I do understand that a lot of people use this blog for that purpose). We're asking if you've heard of them - not if you like them! - for the sake of statistics. If we start taking down or skipping problematic artists on request, I can only foresee that snowballing and getting out of control. I do empathize that it sucks when an artist you like turns out to be a terrible person, but whether you tolerate it and separate the art from the artist or run for the hills is ultimately your choice to make, not ours. Sorry if this isn't very well worded - I don't mean to come off as harsh or anything! You bring up a good point, and it's one we've had to contend with for the blog's entire existence. But for now, we don't plan on changing this rule.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Caine, Jax and Kinger with an kid reader who is like sleepy and very calm most of the time; like having that sleepy voice and is most likely to sleep standing up.

But when someone gives sugar to reader OH BOI

Reader gets eletric, like running around 300 kilometers per hour (Figuratively, not literally) does jumping jacks and starts like accidentally wrecking havoc with their running cuz they keep knocking things on accident while their run, but after an hour or two, reader just... Sleeps on the ground like they didnt almost destroy the entire place an minute ago.

Im going through an hard time in my life and currently your blog has been comforting me, so ilysm! Tyy<3 stay safe!

- ♣️

Caine, Jax, and Kinger x sleepy!kid!reader who gets zoomies (platonic!)

Eeueueuee lemme just say I love this idea so much I remember seeing this when it first got sent in and I just

UGH!!!/pos

Hope you enjoy anon!

CAINE:

I was about to say that he would wear one of those kid baby carrier harness things to carry you around when you fall asleep but then I remembered how short Caine is LMAO... that said I think he would probably like. Idk summon a digital cloud or something to carry you to bed. Very nice very sweet, I think! Honestly I kind of love dad Caine...

Thinks you look absolutely adorable when you do the sleepy wobble when you're standing. Probably calls for nap time periods during IHAs

One day he thought it would be a good day to reward everyone with candy after a IHA and he just

Watches wide eyed when you suddenly start running all over the place. What happened? Is this normal? Are you okay? He tries to zoom after you to catch you before you hurt yourself

Lots of chaos for the next half hour or so. I think he would even resort to sending out bubble to intercept you

Carefully scoops you up when you succumb to the sugar crash and just

Stands there as you fall asleep on him

Very lost very confused, though the sugar rush thing was a myth

JAX:

Very similar event from Caine's part. Everyone is given a piece of candy after successfully completing an IHA. I do think that Caine would still enforce naptime breaks during IHAs during Jax and Kingers pieces too, since I think caine would just generally want to keep this kid friendly/safe but maybe that's just me falling in love with dad caine

But this is about jax

Real quick before we get into the sugar rush, let's talk about your general sleepiness. Honestly I think he would be a little worried about how tired you are all the time... what's that? Jax worried about something? Now that's new!

Jokes aside I think he would try to ask around for any advice on how to boost your energy. Earns him some looks because it's kind of out of character for him. And you know what? It is.. but I think he would be soft for his new adopted kid

Tends to carry you around when you get sleepy, which is often

Now for the sugar rush. One second you're there and the next you're bolting and running around all crazy. I think he just. Stand there flabbergasted for a second because he thinks it's a little funny

Doesnt intervene until you start knocking into things... and almost knock into him

Now we know how fast jax can be, so I think he wouldnt have much issue catching you (assuming that part in the pilot was more than a gag.. it likely was just a gag but I'm feeling silly)

Kind of just holds you up in the air while you flail and try to run away.. before eventually going limp in his grasp

Similar to caine he kind of just stands there. Very taken aback. Thinks it's a little funny though.

"Comeon kid, let's get ya to bed"

KINGER:

Same scenario with the candy after an IHA.. but first, of course, how kinger is with your eepy self

Honestly you two just hang out together in the pillow fort. Its nice and soft and cozy. So even if you werent so tired all the time you would still have a very easy time falling asleep in his fort!

Usually he will take you to your room when it's nighttime... cue the universal memory of falling asleep and waking up somewhere else as a child

Always makes sure you're tucked in and with your favorite plushie... now kinger would have a baby harness and be able to carry you around when you get tired

Let's out a yelp when you suddenly get your sugar induced zoomies. Tries to run after you but you're just way too fast. I think some of the others would take some pity on him and try to help him. Probably pomni, ragatha, and gangle.. zooble cant be bothered and jax is just laughing at the situation because it aint his kid.. caine may try to help if hes still hanging around

Panics when you suddenly slump over and fall asleep on the floor. Is going to have to be reassured that you did not just

You know... and that you're just asleep

Makes a mental note to limit sugar

...its not even real sugar.. its digital.. bro is beside himself trying to make sense of it

[euniexenoblade]

I may have asked you this before, and I'm really sorry, so I'm gonna be on anon for this. I. hate. cleaning. I've always hated cleaning. I just...have some strange aversion to cleaning. When I'm elsewhere, I clean just fine. But when it's my own stuff and area...I just avoid it for as long as possible. Executive dysfunction really sucks. What advice do you have that you can give me?

Executive dysfunction is tough, because it's really really hard to get around sometimes. Nothing I say will be a sure fire way to get through it, but I hope something I say can be helpful.

First of all, do not expect that you'll clean the whole house or anything. Just focus on a small amount at a time. Doesn't even have to be a whole room. Make it like, "today I will take care of x in the bathroom." It'll be so much easier. Maybe do like, one task a day if possible, and allow yourself to not keep up with that. You're allowed to skip chores, it's not the end of the world.

I like to open up the windows and let sunlight in, I also really like to blast music (or headphones if need be) and just go for it. I approach it like a jog, activity i need to power through and music is the energy. Serious about that sunlight, it wakes you up and brightens the mood.

As I said, start small. Is there garbage in your room? Pick it up and throw it out. There you go, there's one task. You can call it done there if you want. Do you have dishes scattered around your room? Pick em up and put them in the sink. There you go! A whole new task completed!

If the trash needs to go out, take it out when you leave the house. On your way to work? Take the trash out on the way. Gonna check the mail? Take the trash out.

Dishes can be daunting but if you break it into smaller tasks it can be a lot more manageable. When I'm at my girlfriend's house I tend to do the dishes immediately following the meal. (This is largely cuz they have so few dishes in general and so they're available when we want to eat next buuuut) This makes it so dishes don't stack up. Washing one bowl and one spoon and maybe a pan is a lot less work than a collected stack. You could also just load dishes into a dishwasher (assuming you have one) as you go. A lot of people don't do this which kinda always surprises me, but if you finish your meal, immediately when getting up, put the dishes in the dishwasher. No wait. Just do it. Dishes can't stack if they're already in the machine that's going to clean them.

Executive dysfunction is really hard to get around sometimes, and I'm sorry if none of this actually helped. But, with a lot of things with low energy or depression, you gotta kinda just make yourself do it. I know that seems redundant, "I can't make myself do it that's why it's a problem" but it is genuinely true. Sometimes you gotta just force it to happen. It's ok not to always be on top of everything. It's ok if today you just can't do it. It's ok if there are things you can't do and need help. Don't beat yourself up over it, that's not gonna help. Remember that it's ok to take breaks and not finish tasks.

Reward yourself. After you do the thing, do something you like. Eat chocolate, watch that show you've been waiting for, get high, whatever you want. (I like to take a big hot bath with a lush bath bomb, it's a great reward hehe~)

Buy a maid uniform, lots of people have told me that helps them power through chores :)

I don't know if any of that will help, but I hope it does.

Also, while I'm doing this, back on my last blog I wrote a post in reply to an ask of "how exactly do I clean my room" and I haven't been able to find it. So I think it'd be good to recreate it here. This is a lot more intensive, so anon plz don't feel inclined to do any of this. This is entirely for if people have the energy and ability, a bit closer to what I do.

Put on music. Absolutely the most important thing is having fun with it. Put on that song you like to sing along to, or that song you like to dance to, get yourself some energy. Jam the fuck out.

This is big optional, so feel free to skip this one if you don't want to do it. If you have a ceiling fan, wipe the top of the blades. Dust collects there even if you've been using it. But, if you haven't been using it, you don't want to knock all that dust down when you finally do. Go get yourself a duster for like $5 somewhere. If you just can't do that I'd recommend using a dry rag (always use dry things for dusting).

Do you have any dirty clothes? Whether in a hamper or on the floor, pick them up first and get the washer going, do the rest while the washer runs.

Get a trash bag. Do you have any trash in your room? Empty bottles, cans, wrappers, paper, any trash whatsoever: pick it up and put it in the bag.

Do you have any dishes laying around? Pick them up now and put them in the sink.

Wipe down any surfaces that might be dusty. Again, duster or dry rag. You can use paper towels if you want but I feel they're not very good for this task. Now wipe down any that might be dirty, from trash, dishes or whatever. Wet paper towel is allowed if you have no alternative, wet rag is probably better, lysol wipes tend to be my preference, if you're really fancy then you can get specific cleaners for wood and stuff (I wouldn't worry about this if all your shits cheap Ikea or Walmart though).

Whenever the washer finishes, of course move it to the dryer, but also put your bedding in the wash. You're cleaning the whole room, there's no way there isn't gunk on your bedding. This bit is kinda predicated on being able to wash/dry whenever you want. if you're reliant on a laundromat, edit this to whatever makes sense to you.

If you have carpet, I'd recommend to vacuum now. If you don't have a vacuum, no shame but I do recommend them. I wouldn't recommend a Dyson even though they look and seem cool, if you want a decent vacuum just stick to the normal top brands and you'll be fine. If you want one but don't have much money, get one of those small hand ones. If you have a hard floor, swiffer that shit.

You are largely done! Sometimes things may not be this easy but try your best with what you have and it'll be fine. Even doing just one of these things will feel good afterwards. Feel free to take breaks, to stop all together, reward yourself when you're done. It's just cleaning your room, don't think of it as a big deal.

[crazylittlejester]

heyo, was reading through your blog like the morning news paper or something, and got to your post about your food anxiety and i just. people told you to get over yourself. and my vision has gone red as i furiously scroll up to send this ask because MY GOD the medical world is so often a shitshow. what therapist worth their frickin salt?? would say get over it?? like hello babes you are the professional who is here to teach me skills to cope??? so maybe?!? do that?? GOD i had a friend who refused to go to therapy for so long cuz they had too many shitty ones but they Finally found one that listens to them and its been SO helpful for them. and it just throws me into an absolute rage thinking of the people who arent getting the help they need because too many douche nozzles got to be therapists. just. AGH. vibrating in my chair with rage. i got so lucky with my therapist being very good but if she hadnt i cannot imagine how my life would be, with my anxiety the way it was i would have internalized that shit so hard.

*cough* anyways sorry that was. a lot. but i just /needed/ to say something before i exploded. no matter how “ridiculous” emotions may seem, they are real and therefore valid and THEREFORE must be treated seriously by yourself and others. *grabs you by the shoulders and gently shakes* you are VALID AND SO ARE YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOU ARE LOVED. okay i gotta go calm down now. take care of yourself.

Having a good therapist is so important, and unfortunately myself and so many others have just never gotten that experience. I haven’t had time to look for a new one since my last one just abandoned me randomly at the start of the school year because they were like “nah king I don’t wanna see you anymore, good luck tho 🫶” and did not offer to transfer me to anyone else 😭 (Dw, I think it’s funny now. But it does break my heart that I’m not the only one this has happened to)

A bunch of internet strangers validating my feelings more over the past 24 hours than mental health professionals have ever done for me my entire life has been absolutely wild, but like, thank you for the support. It seriously means a lot, and I don’t even know what to say. I went from having no one understand to like 10 people sharing they have a similar experience and many many more offering support and I like don’t know what do to with myself 😭

Anyways, I love all of you guys and all the really nice things everyone has said to me. It seriously has meant a lot 🫶

[cmbdragon98]

Please tell us more about how your wife tricked you into dating her

So, setup, details all under cut, cuz it's a bit lengthy. Fun story though!

Tumblr circa 2015. Junior year of high school. I've convinced myself that dating is NOT for me, and that I should just wait until college to fuck around and find out. Just gone through a nasty little emotional breakup where in the near future, I'll wish that thar 2nd ever relationship was simply, entirely expunged from my life.

Paige, known as benedict-cutiebatch here, makes a post about being bored and wanting asks sent her way. Send your best pickup line. This was back when people sent eachother asks willy-nilly. I think, "Oh, sure, I've seen this person around, she seems alright. I'll send something funny and stupid, maybe make her laugh."

Send the "hot leg, hot hot leg" poem thing. She is so amused by it, she asks for my hand in marriage. Yaddayaddayadda, back and forth of just playing around pretend times. I have a lot of lighthearted fun. Cue the interaction ending, and us doing our separate things again. A week or so passes, and I've been specifically checking her blog. I don't do that with anybody else. This is a new habit I've picked up, because I loved the silly fake marriage tee hee haha joke.

Send an ask saying as such. She expresses similar sorta thing on her end. And we start talking again. Talking waaaayyy mooorree.

We talk fully through the night. No sleep. We talk fully through that next day. Eventually we exchange Skypes, because that's what everyone did in 2015. Flirting through the roof. Terribly blatant. Oml. But we're not dating, we're just. Completely all up in eachother. And I'm perfectly convinced that this girl probably just wants to enjoy the fun of somebody being bluntly into her, but not actually follow through further then that, and we'd just remain terribly forward friends with eachother, and that's how life goes sometimes.

Until I recieve an anon ask, that basically asks if me and her are dating and how c u t e we both seem to be, and I Assume that this is an unrelated third party, because, again. It was just waaay more common to recieve asks like that, back when I was a teenager. I respond to it all...

"L o l, naaahh.... b u t... It's not a Bad Idea.... 👀"

Anon sends another ask all... You should! You should try asking!

I think nothing of it, I take it as quite genuine advice that I do frankly agree with. And so. That's what my ass did. Asked Paige out in the most goofy, awkward way, after sending her screenshots of the anons, all "Haha, omgg, isn't this just sOoOoOo CrazyYyYy?? How Silly, hahaha.......... Unless.....?"

Fast forward like 2 years later into us being together, she's visiting me while I'm at college, we've Been seeing eachother, we've been having fun! So much fun!

She's sat on my lap while we're waiting on a ride back to my home, outside at a table and chairs; my ass fucking commuted. It's winter, and terribly cold in NY. I'm holding her close, and she starts saying something like... "Hey, you wanna hear something kinda fucked up...?"

I'm intrigued, of course, I'm like. Shoot, okay! I'm all ears.

Tells me that She was the one who sent those anons, and that she had a feeling I wouldn't Just Ask without being prompted. She, as she put it herself, lied to and tricked me. And she's clearly all broken up over it a bit, because she's sounding so hesitant as she tells me it.

I just sigh, hug her tighter, and I'm honest. Recalling best I can, I think it was something along the lines of...

"Thank goodness you did that, because you were totally right. I was too nervous otherwise, to just do that myself. And I would've kept on thinking you only wanted somebody to flirt with. I liked you too much. I didn't want to accidentally ruin anything between us."

Poor thing starts crying. So I just keep holding her, and telling her I love her, and that I'm r e a l l y not upset, after she says she was so worried that I would be, that I'd hate her, or think our relationship was built on a lie. I just see it as a perfectly reasonable thing to do, when someone too stuck in not doing the wrong thing, is too afraid to just ask for what she wants.

So yeah, basically, I got led into a relationship with a carrot and then a box slammed down around me, and I was completely chill with it the entire time. I truly was just having a blast.

[ssaalexblake]

I mean this in the nicest way as it's possible to mean something objectively kind of dickish, but at some point, the absolute cynical Need to assume that the people in charge of the media you consume are just bumbling fools never knowing what they're doing only makes the people assuming that look, uh, not super smart, and has absolutely zero bearing on the creators. That this happens on meta posts that Literally Explain what's going on and people still fail to comprehend that the work of a few different people all pitching in and agreeing on it would have been necessary for it to happen, doesn't help. And yes, it's a thing that's happened a whole bunch of times on my posts alone, let alone on random ones.

Me: hey look how theyre showing that 13's messed up!

Person: lol I doubt the showrunner knows that!

Sure, Jan. The 89 times he wrote 13 being as messed up as all the other doctors were just flukes for his blonde fairy-princess of good mental health and goodness regeneration 🤷

Well buddy, that's Your problem. It's one thing to see a messy as hell narrative with no clear ending or moral to it (think of the new star wars trilogy) and clock it was totally on the fly and that anything profound was likely to be an accident (I use this example cuz they admit this is what happened). It's another to look at a complete narrative that includes foreshadowing from the very beginning that tracks all the way to the end, written by a guy who is open about having planned it for a while, who has said that he has A story to tell and then he was done and left, and then go 'yeah he has no idea what he was doing'.

I have no idea when cynicism became the suave fandom thing in Any situation even if none is warranted, but it doesn't actually make people look cool and unaffected if that's what you're all going for, it just makes it look like you're incapable of making separate judgements on a case by case basis. I am cynical as hell over certain things because I actually thought about them and decided I was. I am not like this for everything bc not everything deserves cynicism. Sometimes, it doesn't actually matter what was or what was not intentional to start with. Anybody who has created anything, ever, has unintentionally started something and it turned out to be something they pursued. It just works like that sometimes! It's not a problem!

But if you can Honestly look at 13 doing all that messed up crap she did with no introspection over it and think it was the writer not realising she was being messed up because they didn't hold your hand and point it out every single time like they do in peppa pig, despite the fact that the character is Always to some degree messed up and this tracks with the show outside the era, and Fail entirely to consider that her lack of repentance in 13 was an actual consistent character trait and that you should use your brain to actually analyze what that means for the story and for the person... You should have paid more attention in English classes. You are supposed to think about what that means. I know it's a kids show, but it's not preschool.

The problem is not the material not having the depth to analyse, it is the audience's inability to objectively parse it. It does not matter if you love it or hate it! but people are merely displaying they lack the skills to even decide if they do or not by refusing to look for narrative reasons for things and instead just looking behind the scenes to say Obviously it was all just an accidental written by the clueless to justify not bothering. And then going on to make that fact very public.

And you know what, I don't care if you bother or not, you don't have to justify not wanting to think about it! but when people make it my problem I get sick of the crap.

Like why? Really? If you dislike it why are you blogging about it? And if you like it but feel like you're honour bound to act like chibnall is a moron every time his work is brought to your attention just to Make Sure Nobody Will Think You Like It, I mostly think you need to take a step back and smell some grass (or your own regional equivalent of an outside smellable thing).

[letstalkwhump]

Let’s Talk Whump No.3

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump!

I’m Malice, from @whumpers-inc and today I’ve got the fabulous @brutal-nemesis in the house to talk about her experience with and love for whump!

Let’s talk about you! Tell us something about yourself :)

Yo, I'm Nemi, I'm in my 20s and a whumper all the way, baby. Outside of whump, I like rocks (like have an entire degree in geology like rocks), video games (Octopath Traveler, Pokemon, FE, Nancy Drew PC games...), anime (don't ask me about Chainsaw Man, I won't shut up), and hiking (rocks but in their natural habitat).

What does “whump” mean to you?

I get to stab men and laugh about it. I love violence, I am very sadistic

Your fearsome reputation is something of a legend around here. How did you find whump and what made you want to join?

Very long rabbit hole but to be less long about it, I saw some whump stuff on the blog of a pokemon tumblr I stalked (because I didn't have an account) and I was like, Hey This Is The Shit. I lurked for a while but as time went on, I wanted to talk to people about whump and share my own shit cuz I've never really had anyone to talk to about that sort of stuff (at least not without making them really concerned lol).

Being able to talk about wanting to beat up/stab/restrain a guy without concerned looks and questions is so therapeutic, honestly. Do you have a favourite(s) whump trope?

Gore, noncon surgery & body modification, vivisection, female whumper w/ male whumpee, and just general depravity!

Female whumpers, my beloveds! Speaking of favourite pieces, tell us one that you’ve written?

Uhhhh what have I written at all...mmm, well, as far as Castys things, if I had to pick one, it'd probably be Cycle-stys of Yikes . Basically it's a nice little overview of Castys losing his damn mind while he's stuck in a lab for like 240 years. It's probably one of the darkest things I've written as far as, uh, what happens, and that's saying a lot. Idk I just feel like I did a good job with describing these really fucked up actions as...whatever the hell he thought was happening.

For Erebus and Terror...it's hard. I'm really proud of the whole series, tbh, just how I've been able to develop both Erebus and Neteri over time as they change each other, but for a standout chapter...Maybe Chapter 14, Red, White, and Blue , cuz I really love the way I wrote Erebus's panic and what was happening to him from his POV without explicitly describing what was happening. And what's not to love about how upset he is in that one :)

Damn, Red, White and Blue! You’ve definitely earned your reputation..that was brutal! Is there anything new you’re working on at the moment?

Yare yare...I should get started on the next chapter of E&T at some point, shouldn't I? I mean, I have a huge AU stockpile that's basically all between me and one person and we just sit on them, so probably nothing from there for the people...So yeah, probably the next chapter of E&T whenever I get around to that and then I'll probably try to come up with something for Castys since I'm sure people miss him.

Take it from me, the people definitely miss Castys! Care to share what your writing routine usually looks like?

Hahahaha who knows, man. Back before my lil hiatus, I used to write every day whenever I had time and felt like it, but then I became Gamer Mode for a few months and I'm still working on getting out of that habit. But usually just on the couch or in my room with either my video game/anime OST playlist on shuffle (she's 59 hrs long!) or my weeb playlist (anime ops and whatnot) because if it's English words then it's harder to focus on writing,  y’know. Usually I jump around in whatever chapter or piece I'm writing, writing the scenes or bits of dialogue/description as they come to me, and slowly stitching the whole thing together until it's one whole blanket boy.

Is there an easy thing for you to write, something the words just pour for? Anything you struggle with writing?

The easiest thing in the world is whatever bullshit thoughts Castys is having. He is incredibly easy to channel. Any of his dialogue or what he's thinking about comes without much thought. The words also usually flow for my classic™ incredibly long run-on sentence paragraphs that have like no breaks in them cuz it's all go go go, baby. Erebus and Neteri talking isn't too hard either, especially if they're bickering. As far as hard, probably descriptions of pain because it can hard to say how much a thing hurts over and over without being repetitive. I am also not a researcher.  I will just be out here making shit up because it's MY fantasy world so I can have whatever bullshit I want!

Do you have any words of wisdom or writing advice for us?

Well, my old habit that worked for me was to try and write every day, for at least half an hour. If I end up going more, great, but if it's not working at least I tried. That and inspiration is everywhere. Steal whatever shit you like and cobble it together into something unrecognisable. It's not plagiarism cuz you're making something new. Like, E&T came from Stephen King's Misery and a magical girl anime. Go crazy, go stupid.

Go crazy, go stupid. I love it! Let’s give a shout out to your favourite writing/whump blogs, bffs or people who've inspired you. We're hyping everyone up here!

Can't not shout out the bestie @galaxywhump who has impeccable taste and bomb writing and we talk a whole lot everyday and yeah, queen shit. @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifih-wifi is another good friend and amazing writer and she's got so many different stories that everyone can find something they love. Ugh, there's a lot of other people I could talk about, but I'll give the last shout-out to @whump-side cuz her art just always hits the spot for me, so fuckin good.

Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us today. Is there anything you like to add?

Don't be afraid to be a little bit silly, lads, we're here to have fun and it doesn't have to be the most serious shit in the world for it to be good whump. we love being silly and crazy.

Thanks for dropping by @brutal-nemesis ! 

And to all the readers, have a whump-derful day!

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

woagh good morning everyone .. fell asleep on accident last night woke up feeling Disoriented. didn’t even do dailies smh

Thinking about many things … rambling utc

SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT REMAKING,,…. i don’t want to lose even a single mutual because you are all My Very Dear friends and i know this blog has been around for [checks notes] An Entire Two Months so really remaking is probably silly BUT. the thought of starting fresh with a whole new aesthetic , new tag system that’s cuter and a little more streamlined; i could organize my posts even better and maybe it would be a little less anxiety overall .. i dunno .. also being public on there would be really nice idk i think about that sometimes. doing it here seems like a hassle and plus i’d feel really guilty if anyone unfollowed me cuz of it (it’s not like my f/o is controversial or anything i just have Fear About Being Peeceived) so it seems maybe easier to just start all over nd not change like . whatever i’m doing here But I Don’t Know😭😭😭 plus i had NO IDEA what i was doing when i made this blog like genuinely sooo remaking a new blog now that i actually know how tumblr Works could be cool n better. not sure augh

even if i dont do that tho i wanna switch things up on here .. I NEED TO WRITE MORE SOB also i think i might make and post a tag list form if anyone would want 2be on one :’3 as well as hrmmmmm i might change theme.. idk i’m feeling like pink could be really cute but I Dunno. i need to ponder

[theloveinc]

I am returning the favor 😘 4 and 25 for the violence asks

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

this is so funny bc i almost asked you this one, ace!! but then i thought someone (me) might get their feelings hurt so i didn't LMFAOOO, but honestly, i'm not really sure?

i'm not really a blocker because (i'm a baby and) i don't really dislike anyone that strongly? even people i'm not exactly a fan of, it's not like i don't... wanna see them? if that makes sense?

but hmmmmmmmmmmmm, the last straw for someone........? honestly i have not blocked anyone in AGES i don't even know. but i have unfollowed people for breaking moots before and there is someone on here i'm really sad abt not being moots with (bc i love them and they followed ihb right before i left and never figured out why they never came back?) so i had to unfollow bc i just starting thinking mean things for no reason lol.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

oh my god. so many. so, sooooo many. not even because i disagree w the complaint but because it's gotten to the point where i think its so useless to complain when nothing is gonna change no matter what u say!!!

i guess a non-typical one i'm sick of (cuz i was really referring to the blank blog problem w/ that comment)... is...... how do i say...................... complaining abt how readers ask too much of writers.

idk. it's hard to express because on one hand, no one should be overworked or feel obligated to produce writing. But on the other hand, i think readers do a lot more for this site than is really appreciated, and even the dumb requests that get sent... do mean the person appreciates you in a lot of ways? and just don't deserve to be entirely tormented?

it's also kinda grating to me atp because ik other fandom insert communities work differently... so it often could be someone just isn't used to doing something a certain way, and therefore get confused when they transfer over to a new community where the norms are different (such as no requests, or reading news rules).

PLUS, most vocal readers are really kind and respectful! there's just always going to be a certain handful of people who break the boundaries, and shouldn't get lumped in with the people here who actually make this place great. which is why sometimes i think all the salt is unnecessary.

it's actually a huge dilemma for me, LOL. but I love u, ace! and thank u for returning the favor<3

-

(choose violence ask game!)

[konoa-t]

GranEssex Live Konoa Reaction (part 1)

Henlo I am deciding to do a live reading of @kachikirby ‘s series GranEssex Chronicles

I’m gonna try and go through the entire series, starting with the first book, “Wings of Beginning”

This is my first full-on live blogging(?) post, so idk if theres any way I should be doing it but f*ck it we ball

Anyway there’s a lot of text so behind a cut it goes!

(SPOILER WARNING cuz i’ll also be talking about what goes down in the book to give context for my ramblings)

Chapter 1

Note: Gonna try to use punctuation for now but this will probably disintegrate as time goes on (me hate punctuation on tumblr blog ooga booga). Also this live blog is pretty summary-heavy, but I’ll try to tone that down in future posts.

I’ve technically read up until chapter 4, but I’m gonna go ahead and backtrack to look over the previous chapters again and give my reaction on those :D it would feel weird to just start it halfway through anyway. The chapter opens up with Kurabe (if u don’t know who that is you should probably go check out Kachi’s account) going on a mission to eliminate a criminal group only to see that everyone’s just been absolutely bodied by some blue toddler with a stick. Kurabe’s like, “hey I need to take u in for questioning” and the kid is like “nuh uh” and tries clubbing her to death, but obviously Kurabe is stronger so she just blocks him. Even though I was only, like, two sentences in, my attention was already grabbed; I was very excited to see what happened next :D Anyway, Kurabe gets one of her swords knocked out of her hand by the kid, and she’s just like “ah.” But then she teleports behind him and chops him in the back of the head with her hand, causing the kid to faint. I was kinda surprised that she just knocked him out like that, but I guess it makes sense because she had a job to do lmao. Anyway she gets back to her ship and Mercury is there and, upon seeing the child, is just like “HUH”. Kurabe says that he’s fine and only has minor injuries, so she goes to her room to patch him up a little. She wondered why someone would leave their kid on a planet with so much criminal activity, and I honestly agreed because I was just as confused 💀 who leaves a whole toddler on the planetary equivalent of Detroit??? Insane, bro. So anyway she cleans him up and after he wakes up, Kurabe says good morning to him and the kid just immediately goes

Anyway, Kurabe tells him to calm down and asks his name, to which the child responds, “Meta.” It was pretty much implied from the start that this was Meta Knight, but I was still like “OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS HIM” Anyway cue Meta being suspicious of Kurabe and Kurabe trying her best to calm him down. I’m watching this whole interaction go down and honestly wondering if Meta’s just gonna straight up maul Kurabe, but thankfully he doesn’t. Kurabe’s maternal urges start taking over and she offers to raise Meta- err, I meannn… train him (because I can’t imagine it would be good to send him back to space Detroit 💀) and Meta asks if he can stay on her ship forever. Kurabe is like “yeah sure” and then after talking, she helps show him around his new room and then they sit down and have a meal together. The image of Meta playing with the spaghetti was really cute :D Meta makes mention of Kurabe’s sword and Kurabe tells him that she’d train him. However, she did warn him that he training was so intense that students have quit or even DIED because of it (which is…. Scary /not neg). He agrees to the training. Meta then got kinda tired so he went to go to sleep, and as Kurabe was tucking him in, he grabs onto her and they end up falling asleep together :DD Overall this was a very cute chapter and it does a great job of grabbing the attention.

[magicalink]

2023 Wrap-up

Wow! Last year 2023 is over and I managed to post a total of 13 fanfics :0 (here I'm only counting the major posts and not smaller things)

Catboys in the House (CITH), chapter 2: Xiao joins the household!

Assembled Love, chapter 1: Perfect Sister.

Assembled Love, chapter 2: Perfect Brother.

CITH: What they do when you're down/stressed and can't sleep.

Assembled Love, chapter 3: Perfect Party.

Assembled Love, chapter 4: Perfect Night.

CITH: The Catboys' Dreams.

A Real Man.

What part of me wasn't good enough? :(

Bunny Boy Kuni!

Do they fuck or do they make love?

CITH: Catboyfriends and penetration.

Broken Beyond Repair.

This is definitely not as many as I wanted to post, but now that I actually counted them, it's more than I thought I had posted! I kinda achieved my goal of posting once a month even if I posted thrice one month and then disappeared for like two months several times.

My drafts and my Google Drive are filled with lots and lots of content that I'm struggling to finish. I've always struggled to give endings to the things I write :/ I'm working on that. I have tons and tons of unfinished Venti fics from when he was my top husbando before our divorce and my marriage with Kuni that I'm unable to finish. As you may have noticed if you took a look at the list of fics posted during the year, now I'm unable to write about characters other than Kuni bc he has me in the strongest chokehold I've ever experienced in my life :D I have to ask him for permission to work on those old fics and he always grabs me by the neck and says nope, focus on me :3 I have the same situation as this person here :3

As I said here, if I come to the conclusion that I won't be able to come up with an ending for a fic, I'm gonna post it unfinished like that Albedo fic I promised I was gonna post unfinished but suddenly got inspo, continued it and guess what, I'm stuck again :3 Gonna post it this month or next up to where I can. And in the unlikely case that I come up with an ending for fics that I post unfinished, I will eventually update them.

Well um, up to here this post was informative about the state of the blog. From here onwards it's more of a personal journal and self-reflection of mine? Just some things for me to remember so feel free to skip it cuz it'll probably be a wall of text. Things I wanna tackle to be able to finish more fics. I have many issues that prevent me from writing, but the worst one by far is toxic perfectionism.

I’ve talked about this in some asks I received, telling you about how when a fic becomes important to me, I get so scared of screwing it up that I stop writing it entirely. When something becomes important to me, I want it to be perfect and no matter how it comes out it never feels quite enough for me. This happens to me with many things in my life but it has also happened to me with Catboys in the House and Assembled Love. At first they were jokes, and side projects for me to practice my writing skills and try to develop the ability of building a linear story with multiple characters. But I fell so in love with them that I wanted to love the next chapters as much as I loved the previous ones and that created a lot of pressure on me.

So basically I’m trapped in a cycle of:  oh I had an idea I feel so passionate about—>I wrote it —--> I loved it —--> it’s unfinished —--> oh no I’m not nearly as inspired as I was back then, what if I ruin it? What if I don’t recreate the same vibes I had when I started it? What if I regret the words I use? What if I regret the changes in the plot? What if I post it and then I hate it because I don’t like it nearly as much as the first chapter I loved so much? What if…? —-> I don’t dare continue it just to ruin it. Let’s write something new that doesn’t make me feel pressured and has vibes I’m actually feeling rn —-> back to step one. Repeat.

And I’m tired of that. I wanna break that vicious cycle. It’s hard bc whenever I try to stand up to the toxic perfectionism reminding myself of the things I talked about with one of the people who asked me when tf is Assembled Love getting an update “it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be done” then the number 1 problem, the ocd, gets out of control. So they have to be tackled at the same time with different techniques.

Some people have asked me when are we getting more updates of Assembled Love and Catboys in the House and believe me, no one wants to read those updates more than I do 😭 I have the plot for like 10 chapters already decided and I just can’t come up with the inspo to put it into the right words 😭

I wanna tell you about how Xiao woke up tied up to a chair after reader and Venti found him turned into a human in their house, about how Albedo, Kazuha, and Scara got into the house as well, how Kazuha used to live in a refuge for hybrids ran by Yoimiya and Ayaka, about Zhongli being reader’s boss and how he has a foxboy boyfriend named Childe…I wanna tell you about how reader and Kuni have this annoying sexual tension they can’t get rid of in Assembled Love but they can’t do anything about it because they’re frenemies and because it would make their moms insanely mad at them, about how mysterious Keqing dad is, about how Venti has a secret identity going on at school, about a super handsome redhead quarterback from another school who wants to sweep reader off her feet…but the words just won’t come. You know what comes? Anxiety and ocd, those come in tons.

But I have a set of tools I intend to use to overcome those obstacles and write my stories because I’m the one who wants to read them the most.

The cct techniques against ocd

A shit ton of phrases and posts from other writers that rationalize the problem of toxic perfectionism when it comes to writing and make valid points about why it’s important to screw it and just write anyway. I have a full pinterest album full of them, but my favorite out of all of them is this one:

And I wanted to share it here because I think it applies to everything, not just to writing. I think life in itself is our box and we can do things every day to add sand to it, little by little, like the efforts of an ant, and someday that everyday effort will make something great that will enable you to build something great :3 I think this analogy is especially good for people struggling with ocd, depression, trauma, etc.

And it sucks. Cuz I swear I get the best ideas for dialogues in the middle of a shower or having a chat with my bf and then when I try to remember it to write it down it's gone. But well, I wanna give the architect writers tips a try, and see if I can write things that I enjoy re reading even if the inspo doesn’t feel immaculate. Because I ran out of my own material to read, and it hurts when I reach the final paragraph and I’m like…where’s the rest?? I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. And I feel like shit cuz I’m the one who has to write it 🥲

Jumping to another topic, they say that there are two types of writers: architects and gardeners. I don't remember cuz I read it a long time ago, but it goes something like this: Architects plan their stories in advance and build them carefully piece by piece, they are usually more prolific and finish their things in time. Meanwhile, garderners’ projects are like seeds tossed to the ground that only grow if given enough love and passion, and they need to be extremely lucky that the writer doesn’t run out of inspiration or feelings to get finished, and that’s why people say gardener writers almost never finish their stuff. (To exemplify, I rememner they say George Martin is called a gardener writer bc he said he has literally written 3 pages in the last 3 years or sth like that) So I’d say I’m more of a gardener writer but I also have this thing in which the writing I do that I love the most to re read was done in a weird state of being possessed by something (is that what they call the muse?) and I just had to vomit it into words or else. (I swear I don’t consume any substances) Those are the best stories. (The few things I remember of being forced to read the Illyad in highschool is that it starts with the narrator saying sth along the lines of 'oh muser pls sing to me,' becaise they invoked the muse to whisper the story in the writer's ear and I swear to god I used to feel like that. No I don't consume anything. And I haven't felt like that since the fucking step brother Scara cyberpunk fic. More than a fucking year.) And I think I’m not the only one who likes them, since my most popular post was one of those. (Yes, the godforsaken cyberpunk step brother thingy, you guys like the dirty stuff better than the fluff.) And that’s another reason why I don’t write when I’m not feeling possessed. But they also said that “inspiration finds you when you are working”. Never happened to me, it’s more like this:

Anyway, I’m writing this more for myself than anyone else (like pretty much everything that I write but nvm) because I don’t wanna forget the reason I started writing: to avoid forgetting, to relive all those feelings all over again. 

Anyway thank you for reading and commenting my fics all over 2022 and 2023, I had an amazing time and I'm happy with how the blog is turning out. I had a lot of fun both writing and reading and interacting with other people. This year I hope to be able to complete those projects I wanna see finished!

[jeonqkooks]

I'm a very very new army. So I don't know how much of a say I can really have in all this. Especially because my parents have always hated on kpop and forced me to do the same until I realized couldn't just follow their shit anymore. I started following in love with k-pop (my fav group being astro) but was wary of bts because of all the toxic fans I saw everywhere. And honestly? I found your blog one day and I realized that the entire fandom wasn't like that. I started following them and fell in love with their music. Like you said, I didn't find much depth in their english songs, (don't get me wrong they're amazing but it's not that deep, it's just a song) but I loved almost everything else. Seven was different for me. It's a great song and I like it, but it was totally unexpected even for me. From what I knew of Jungkook, I thought the song would be different. Again, I love the song, but it's just not what I expected. I feel like maybe he's tryna explore but part of me is worried that maybe he's doing it just for the western fans and to please them. I also don't know if I have a place to say all this about any k-pop group, but after what happened to Moonbin(may he rest in peice), I've just been overthinking and worrying about everything about kpop groups in general.

-🐬

during my kpop hiatus (2013-2021 lol) i did not keep up with kpop at all, like i did notttt know about what was going on during these years but i did kinda hear that bangtan stans were generally toxic and extreme. but then i crossed over to the bangtan side of tumblr and until now, i think most people here are pretty chill? at least the people i follow are chill and rational. so yeah, it's definitely not all of the fandom that's weird

but like i said, me not being into Seven is just due to my personal preference. i didn't fall head over heels in love with the song but i still enjoyed the mv and the hype surrounding it. you know how it sparked my interest in writing obs again ☺️

so yeah i mean. after today i feel like we should all learn to be more receptive to opinions that differ from our own. if you like the song, i'm happy for you, keep vibing ✨ if you don't like it, it's okay, it's not the end of the world. this is also kinda a weird point to have to make cuz this is simply just people having Opinions which should be the most normal thing in the world but i guess in the kpop sphere it's different 🤷‍♀️

[kuuyandere]

Wanting to stalk/kidnap/kill your beloved is a normal 'young love' thing?

Obviously wanting these 3 things is not normal. Because if someone 'says' this, it should ideally BE taken seriously❗ So yes I'm all for NOT ignoring this.

But still, in your case, I'm considering 8 things:-

Hormonal effect: everyone's feeling extremes during this time, now if u r someone aware of the world, obviously your extreme isn't going to be drawing a moustace on her face while she's sleeping, realistically, it's going to be smth like that only. I think this point is rightfully suppressed in the society to keep the kids on their best. But still, it's smth very much there, cuz this transition is usually tough n almost everyone's being stupid.

Mind & reality: technology- blurring of the line bw the outside n the inside (mind) world [Just as how brain can't differentiate bw fantasies & past. It just stores it in the memory] blog being an extension of the mind , anons as just diff 'voices' in the 'head', I say this cuz I've myself gone to similar experiences. I've 2-3x done things over a period of time, anonymously, it gives us the best sense of freedom so we end up doing things we wouldn't normally say/do. Like seriously I'd never ever do that shit, in reality, with all of my senses & my 'name'. And now, "which one is the 'real' me" is smth which can be argued.. But still I like to think the latter w the belief that the line should never be blurred bw the outside n the inside. Like eg, I'd just simply walk off the topic (offline) or refrain from msging this long (online), if I wasn't anonymous.

Mind-Coping mechanism/comfort zone: your mind is supposed to be the ONLY place in the world, free of judgements & w full freedom. Think of the freakiest or the kinkiest shit u come up with.. But, it should all stay in the head only.

Transition to adulthood: All these new '-ve' extreme emotions, I like to call them 'adulthood'.. ½ or ⅓rd of the married couples do wish death upon their spouses on certain events, but they don't actually… Similarly, we do wish for the absolute worst shit sometimes for the person we envy/dislike.. But doesn't mean we won't realise/control our emotions n ultimately end up treating the innocent person as crap.

Emotions x logic/perfection: easier to judge others thru a 3rd person's pov, but not ourselves, don't expect yourself to be 'likeable', 'logical' or perfect when u are really feeling stuff.. Just try your best to control it, n forgive if u can't.. And move on w life. You're not supposed to dwell on stuff.

Normalising of souvenirs: no. of souvenirs/'shrines'/memories we keep actively + how much we interact w them… is directly proportional to.. the effect it has on us. You don't think about the food u ate last month, unless u start maintaining a food log, n condition yourself over it.. I've literally bent my entire social life acc to this, cuz I don't wanna dwell on stuff. You invite the guilt n precursors to further emotions.

First love: first time feeling stuff, it being the START to your love life, nothing to compare, blah blah blah, u dvp your.. How should I put this.. 'mate' value thru your 1st love, 1st loves are supposed to be memorable

Emotions=helplessness & forgiveness: you felt too strong, for too long, it wasn't reciprocated, so.. Obviously, the bitterness. I mean seriously, you're just WANTING to kill/kidnap her in your headspace.

So yeah i do think YOU are fine for JUST WANTING to kill/kidnap/stalk your girl.

🌬..

I see your point, I admire your dedication in writing all this out. I don't think that everyone's situation (or possibly mine) can completely be attributed to these natural factors, especially seeing how conditions like obsessive love disorder (O.L.D.) and relationship OCD exist, but this does provide a good reference to possible causes. Normalcy is something of a sliding scale, isn't it.

[finexbright]

what rlly upsets me about this fandom - larries especially is that i feel like if it came out that larry wasent real a lot of larries woukd un stan louis, and i see a lot of anons on ppl blogs, gina’s especially that they get annoyed w louis when he lies, and it upsets me cuz it’s obvious they favourite harry.

people seem to forget louis took the brunt side of the closeting so harry didn’t have to, he got bbg, he got the over doing it chav look so he looks more “straight” he imo had a way harder time w the closesting than harry ever did, especially in 2016, with the passing of his mother, he had a new stunt, and he had to deal w being a fake new father, he wasent aloud to start his solo career when he wanted because he signed that fucking contact so harry and the other boys would be free. he also was made to look homophobic when we all know he’s not, and it just upsets me.

(not hating on gina obviously)

okay first of all @twopoppies is honestly a legend for dealing with anons the way she does and i have massive respect for her 🤍

as for if ever it turns out that larry wasn't real, i don't think people will unstan or whatever, at least the people i've interacted with won't. sure there'll be some people who will be mad, and that's valid. but i think, at the end of the day, we're all here for the music, and in most cases how that music is accepted by the queer fans. and because of that, people can choose to continue to be here for the music. i've always said that, to me, it doesn't matter if you believe larry is real or not, but you do really have to be blind to not see that harry and louis both belong to the queer community.

as for the closeting situation, i absolutely don't think you can compare both their closets because they're extremely different situations and saying that louis took the brunt of it victimises louis and dismisses harry's situation entirely. louis and harry run in completely different social circles and are in different situations as well. however, over the years, both of them have gained enough experience and professionalism to know what decisions need to be made in order to get freedom in different aspects. i love louis and how much he loves the boys, but at the end of the day he is still doing a job and he isn't self sacrificing or whatever, he knows the game and knows how to play his cards right. yes, at face value, especially with bbg, and with louis' personal life and the losses he faced, his closet might seem like a lot more than harry's but that really isn't the case. by saying one is more free because the other sacrificed for it we'll be dismissing both their situations and that's not fair

[clarabowmp3]

Mildly stalked your blog and I’m curious if you have thoughts on the whole Taylor never really being single thing. As a 25 year old exiting a 5 year relationshio myself I feel like I need 6 business months on my own at the very least

Interesting! That’s so real tho, I’ve never been in a relationship anywhere that long so I can’t say for sure but I imagine it makes a lot of sense to take a breather and focus on yourself.

After the breakup news dropped, I felt like it would have been really easy for her to play into the whole #girlboss thing, loving being single etc, esp with the man as one of her eras tour songs. Maybe she wanted people to stop talking about joe/start gushing over her and her new boyfriend/stop talking about how sad she looks every night, like it could be anything. It could also be that she just went along with Travis shooting his shot, so as of today I’m not sure just how attached she is to having a partner yk. Part of it could also be that she wants to get married soon, since she talks abt marriage on you’re losing me and loml, which is why she’s jumping from relationship to relationship, but obviously this isn’t healthy.

So basically my point is that as a huge celebrity today, there’s so many factors that could motivate her actions and ofc we only know what we can observe, we don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, so in terms of actual irl events I don’t really know what to say.

Based on her songs tho, yea I think her never being single thing has taken a toll on her personality/sense of self. Almost her entire discography revolves around her relationships, and the issue with that is certain lyrics reveal how she doesn’t seem to have sufficient self esteem (at least in my opinion) to let herself get so badly fucked up by the most mediocre guys. I mean the whole of ttpd?? Over MATTY HEALY???? Even if I was that down bad you could not waterboard all that out of me 😭😭

I think we see this in but daddy I love him especially, like she seems to romanticise this whole narrative of loving someone so hard against all odds. I don’t think it’s healthy to ‘burn your whole life down’ rather than listen to what others have to say. Of course, it makes sense that she couldn’t logically evaluate what others were saying at a time when she was so emotionally vulnerable, but I think that’s all the more reason she needs to have some time to herself, and learn to have a partner that is a part of her life rather than someone who becomes her whole life.

Also, even though this isn’t the actual meaning of the lyric, I think ‘old habits die screaming’ kind of point to how it’s a pretty deeply ingrained habit for her to get so unhealthy invested in her relationships/the idea of being in a relationship that it clouds her judgement. I understand her skepticism to listen to others/“snarkers” after being so badly cancelled in 2016, but I rlly think she needs to have some voice of reason to ground her. Right now, given the kind of questionable decisions she’s made over the past year or so, it feels like she’s surrounded by a lot of yes men which isn’t good for anyone.

Even in the archer, the whole bit about ‘you could stay’ and pointing to the fans thing makes me a little uncomfortable. It’s a song that’s very dear to me cuz of how visceral the anxiety and insecurity is in the song, and it came out at a time when I was soooo very insecure, and I can get the romantic element of having someone who helps you through those kinds of thoughts and feelings, but I don’t like how she rewrote it from being about joe to it being about the fans. It makes me feel like she’s floundering and just needs someone cheering her on, regardless of how close she is to that someone, which again isn’t healthy. This also contributes to parasocial relationships but that’s a whole separate topic.

Also, I don’t want this to come across as me criticising/blaming taylor, especially given the culture of the era she grew up in. I’m so grateful every day that I grew up in a time and place where feminism was picking up, I had those values/ideals instilled in me in a girls’ school during my most formative years as a teen, and because of that I’m so confident/self-assured (except on my bad days) that I’d never let anyone let alone some guy shake my sense of self. Taylor clearly had different life experiences which moulded her into the person she is today, just like how everyone is in some way or form a product of their environment