#i feel like that's the kind of rumor that would circulate around jade too. just in general.

[slydiddledeedee]

sold his soul

Image ID: Jade Curtiss from Tales of the Abyss playing the violin, wearing a black tuxedo and a light blue shirt.  He is concentrating on playing.  The music emanating from him are the first 28 measures of Paganini’s ‘Caprice in A Minor.’

[goofysimpleton]

Keith Howell

Main Route Chapter 2

~This translation is not 100% accurate. Just here for you fellow impatient friends.

N= Narration

⬛️=whenever the next text showed up

I have the characters address Belle as MC for main character.

Choices are bold. The 4+/4+ selection picked is blue.

Flashback scenes are in italics.

Scene 1

Keith: “...”

N: In contrast to the refreshing sunlight shining through the window, a shadow was cast on Keith’s face. ⬛️ With a mixture of anxiety and fear in his eyes, he picked up a notebook on the table. ⬛️ After caressing the “Rose Engraving Bookmark” that was stuck in it, he opened the page.

Keith: “They’re still short sentences.”

N: One page is filled with scribbled letters, and the other page is filled with plain, clean letters. ⬛️ The similar but dissimilar handwriting suggested that the notebook was used by two different people.

Keith: “In the end, he proceeded again.”

N: A sigh of guilt spilled out, followed by a knocking sound that echoed in the room. ⬛️ Keith’s butler, Liam, entered the room.

Liam: “Good morning, Mr. Keith.”

Keith: “Good morning. It looks like I’ve been sleeping for two days since the tea party with MC.”

Liam: “Yes…It looks like the shift time is getting longer again.”

Keith: “Seems like it is. But there’s no problem. That will save me.”

N: He drops his gaze to the notebook to hide his slightly raised eyebrows.

Keith: “How was ‘he’ these two days?” ⬛️ “Even so, unlike me, there’s nothing to worry about… No, there is.” ⬛️ “I’ve scared MC again, haven’t I?”

Liam: “It’s not like you were together all the time, so I don’t think it’s a problem.” ⬛️ “Compared to Miss MC at the goodwill party, she seems to be less wary of you.”

Keith: “I see… I’m relieved. Really.”

N: He put his chest down and began to read the documents he received from Liam.

Keith: “By the way, who is she?” ⬛️ “Not only the princes of Rhodolite, but she seems to be liked by Gilbert.” ⬛️ “There are arms being smuggled in Rhodolite and Obsidian.” ⬛️ “It is highly probably that she is involved in rumors circulating about Jade. It is probably that…”

Liam: “That?”

Keith: “After talking to her at the tea party, I feel that the possibility is low.”

Liam: “Your reason?”

N: After showing hesitation for a moment, Keith muttered in a lower voice than before.

Keith: “Well…She is an obedient and cute woman who doesn’t seem to do anything bad.”

Liam: “....You still don’t have persuasive power.”

Keith: “I’m well aware, too. That’s why I’m giving up on thinking.” ⬛️ “Silvio was also very worried about her.” ⬛️ “Even if there had been no smuggling, this would be the first time that Obsidian, who had broken ties with us, participated in a goodwill meeting.” ⬛️ “If the three nations form an alliance, even the neutral nations will not be able to wait and see.”

N: He leaned over the desk while making a noise.

Keith: “Ah… I don’t feel like it.” ⬛️ “...Rumors  are rumors. But there’s no smoke without fire.” ⬛️ “...I’m fine with doubting you, but you can’t deceive me. You’re a coward, me.”

N: No one could hear the muffled groan, and Liam, who was by his side, tilted his head.

Liam: “Keith?”

Keith: “I’m just talking to myself.”

N: He lifted his head as if to regain his composure and looked back at the scribbled letters.

Keith: “Today, I’ll ask Miss MC to be my Rhodolite guide.”⬛️ “Are you going to the city in the afternoon? I’m nervous because it’s my first time taking an ID.” ⬛️ “I can’t get around well, and I’m afraid I’ll be looked down upon. It hurts just thinking about it.” ⬛️ “No, don’t be timid.” ⬛️ “Even weeds are living desperately every day until they are exterminated. I have to do my best, too.”

Liam: “What kind of encouragement is that?” ⬛️ “...Come to think of it, there’s something I forgot to tell you, Keith.”

Scene 2

Keith: “...Sorry, I don’t want to hear it. It’s always bad when you half-smile.”

Liam: Don’t cover your ears. It’s not a bad thing.”

N: Liam taps Keith’s hand lightly. ⬛️ The two seem to have such a close relationship that the prince, Keith, would allow it.

Liam: “In the past few days, there have been rumors circulating about you and Miss MC.”

Keith: “Wait, wait. I don’t mind, but I’m being a big nuisance to her.” N: In disbelief, he brought his hand to his mouth. ⬛️ His face was so blue that he was about to fall over. 

Ketih: “It’s only been two days since the tea party, but it’s too pathetic that there are rumors about me.���

Liam: “For better or worse, you are known as a being with dark roots.”

Keith: “For better or for worse, there’s not a single good thing about being dark-rooted.”

N: With a ban, he slams his head down on the desk for a few minutes. Keith slowly raises his head. ⬛️ Contrary to his large dependable body, his eyes were swaying helplessly like a lost child.

Keith: “Could you tell me about that rumor?”

——————

Jin: “Did you fall in love with Keith at first sight and get attacked with rave reviews?” MC: “Gah…!”

Licht: “Are you okay?”

Yves: “Seriously, Jin! Don’t say anything that might surprise me when I’m eating.”

Jin: “My bad, I didn’t expect you to be so surprised.”

Leon: “Maybe this is the first time you’ve heard the rumor?” MC: “Yes, today is my first time hearing about it.”

N: A few days after the party with Keith— ⬛️In order to decide the next king, it is essential to hear the thoughts of each prince. ⬛️ To that end, it is important for me to get to know them. ⬛️ I was allowed to watch the training of the domestic policy faction today, ⬛️ While everyone ate the sandwiches provided during a break, the bomb was dropped.

MC: “Those rumors must have been spread because I was seen with Keith, but they are unfounded.” ⬛️ I’m acting as a Rhodolite guide, and Keith is just receiving it.”

Licht: “Entertainment is essential.”

MC: “Yes, that’s right.”

N: After the tea party, under Sariel’s decision, I officially became Keith’s exclusive Rhodolite guide.

Yves: “He helped her when she was about to have to entertain Silvio.”

Jin: “I would like to say that it was a good fit, but her opponent is Keith now.”

Leon: “If someone is in trouble, he’ll help them anyway. It’s not even a question if he would no go back for them.”

MC: “Are you Leon and everyone else on good terms with Keith?”

Leon: “Yves and Licht get along better than us.” N: While I was surprised by the new fact, Yves smiled proudly and folded his arms.

Yves: “Well, yeah. If you ask me how, I’d say it’s about tea parties and going out into the town.”

MC: “I didn’t know! May I ask why?”

Scene 3

Yves: “When Keith came to the castle to protect refugees, I invited him to a tea party because he was hungry.” ⬛️ “That’s when I found out he likes sweets, so we had a lively conversation and became friends.”

(What a surprisingly cute opportunity.)

Jin: “I have a sweet tooth too, but I’m lonely because he only gets along with Yves and Licht.”

Licht: “You talked about your heart when you first met, didn’t you?”

Jin: “Ah, ah–”

Yves: “When he asked to talk about your heart again, you were consulted about how to respond.”

Jin: “That’s why when I invited you to drink, you were also inviting other guys…”

Leon: “That’s right, Keith is hungry a lot.” ⬛️ “If I remember correctly, it was ringing even after the meeting was over.”

Licht: “Even though you soiled everyone’s ears, you ate a lot of sweets with a dead face after that.”

(It’s easy to get depressed, or maybe he’s a sensitive person.)

N: Imaging Keith who eats a lot of sweets while feeling sympathy, I imagined it looked cute.

Yves: “I wish I could make sweets that fill me up in an instant… I think I’ll try it with potatoes next time.”

(Yves, you’re kind. That’s why you’re close to Keith, isn’t it?) ⬛️ (Licht is as expressionless as usual, but I guess he lets Keith take cares enough to get him into conversation.)

Jin: “His depression style is a little different, but his soft demeanor and reserved personality are key to him.”

Leon: “Such a guy likes you, even though it’s only been a few days since you met.” ⬛️ “It caught the eye of the guys in the court and became a rumor.”

Yves: “It took a long time for me and Licht to be invited to a tea party by Keith.”

MC: “Is that so? I thought we’d become friends right away.”

(Yves, Licht, and Ketih are kind and they seem to get along well…) ⬛️ (Hearing everyone’s story, it’s convincing that it would become a rumor.) ⬛️ (My first impression of Keith was that he was a calm and reserved person, but…)

N: I remembered my exchanges with Keith up until today.

Flashback Keith: “MC, thank you for telling me about Rhodolite.”

MC: “Not at all… Um, is it enough?”

(The contents taught were only local introductions that even children know.) ⬛️ (Maybe I bored you…)

N: However, Keith nodded with a refreshing smile that blew away my anxiety. 

Keith: “It was enough. And it’s the first time today, so you were pretty nervous, right?”

MC: “Was it on my face?”

Keith: “Yes. Your eyes were also a little watery.” ⬛️ “Even though you were nervous, I wanted to see more of you because you were cute, but I felt really sorry for you.” ⬛️ “I decided to wait until the next guide.”

(Wow, cute… Suddenly, straight words are bad for my heart.)

Keith: “Huh? MC, that book you have…”

MC: “It’s a recently published book. Do you know it?”

Keith: “Yes. I love books, and I read them regardless of genre.”

(I got so excited when I found out how much he loves books, and the next day I bumped into him and had breakfast with him.) ⬛️ (Smart or pushy…)

Flashback Keith: “You don’t like it..? I want you to listen to the end.” ⬛️ “Here, tell me…”

(Yes, even then.) ⬛️ (Does he actually have a pushy side?) ⬛️ (No way, love at first sight and a ferocious attack… Is absolutely impossible.) N: No matter how many hours I waited, I could not find an answer.

(For the time being, I have to be careful not to have him find out that I’m Belle.)

Leon: “Are you going to be his guide today as well?”

MC: “Yes. I’m going to show him around the city today. I’m planning to leave the castle in about an hour.”

N: When I answered, Leon frowned slightly. Leon: “I see… I hope Keith can make it in time.” MC: “Is he busy with work?”

Leon: “In the morning, he was taken away by the Rhodolite pharmacists.”

MC: “Taken away!?”

Scene 4

N: After the exchange with the domestic political faction, there was nothing until the guide time. ⬛️ I got it from Leon. “Keith headed to the infirmary based on the information that the pharmacists had.”

(Wow… Keith is very popular.)

N: Peeking inside, Keith was surrounded by a large number of pharmacists.

Court apothecary 1: “Could you take a look at this medicinal herb data?”

Keith: “Wow, it’s amazing how detailed it is! I’ll check it out and get back to you tomorrow.”

Court apothecary 2: “Keith, I prepared a headache medicine with a substitute herb.”

Keith: “Thank you. Are the quantities on the list?”

Court apothecary 2: “Yes.”

Keith: “I see. Originally, it should have a stronger bitterness, but…” ⬛️ “The medicinal herb is especially weak against humidity. It’s probably been damaged by it and the effects are fading.” ⬛️ “If you use existing medicinal herbs, there should be no problem if you add this one.”

Court apothecary 3: “Keith, may I ask you a question regarding side effects?”

N: He answered the questions that popped up one after another in a clear and easy-to-understand manner. ⬛️ He looks like a teacher or a scientist.

(The reason he said before that he would teach Silvio about good medicinal herbs is because he knows all about them.) ⬛️ (That’s why he was taken away by the pharmacists…. Leon’s words were confusing and surprising.)

N: The thread of tension loosens at once.

(Could I listen in closer?) N: I got permission from Yakushi who was by my side, and moved closer to a distance that I wouldn’t cause a nuisance. 

(There are so many names I don’t know, it’s like a spell. Honestly, I don't know 90% of the words he’s saying.)

N: But I want to listen to his words for hours I think. ⬛️ Even the names of the plants flying around make me want to know what they look like. ⬛️ Keith is so lively now that I can feel it. ⬛️ It was enough to pique my interest.

(I think I’ll read a picture book of plants in the library next time.) ⬛️ (Mm…? What is this unique scent?)

N: Following the wafting scene, I saw white flowers in a basket on the table in the corner of the room. ⬛️ If you look closely, the petals are pretty with a hint of pink.

(Is this also used as an ingredient in medicine?) ⬛️ (Huh? It seems like a different scent than before. It’s getting sweeter—)

MC: “Nn..?!”

Keith: “MC, don’t.”

N: Suddenly, I heard Keith-sama's voice in my ear, and his hands covered my mouth and nose. ⬛️ A strong arm wrapped around my waist, and I was drawn to keep a distance from the flower.

Keith: “This flower has a strong sleep-inducing effect even among plants, so be careful." ⬛️ "At first, it has a unique scent, but if you continue to smell it, your brain will misinterpret it as a sweet scent. That's-"

(I'm glad you told me about flowers, but... uh, ears...)

The faint touch of breath made my shoulders jump. ⬛️ Hearing a low, gentle voice near me, and the smell of trees in a deep forest enveloping my whole body made me feel like I was going to lose my strength. ⬛️ Even if I tried to escape, my waist was tightly hugged and I couldn't move. ⬛️ If I don't leave quickly, I'm afraid I'll collapse from the rising heat.

Keith: “That's why it's better not to bring your face too close...”

As if suddenly realizing something, he lets go of my hand.

Keith: "Lil. The face is bright red, is it okay?"

CHOICES:

I'm so embarrassed I feel like I'm going to fall

It's red because of the setting sun

Do you know why it's red?

MC: "I'm so embarrassed I feel like I'm going to fall.”

Keith: "Don't be shy" ⬛️ "This medicinal herb is difficult to cultivate and belongs to the rare category, so it's only natural that you don't know about it.”

(I didn't mean it that way...!)

I appreciated Keith-sama's kindness, but on the contrary, fueled my shame.

MC: “If you let go, my red face will calm down.”

Keith: “If I let go…” ⬛️ “Ah, Wah, sorry! Sorry!”

N: The moment I understood, I let go of both hands vigorously and took a distance. ⬛️ Keith-sama's face was as red as a rose.

(I'm sure my face is as red as I am...get the fever down quickly)

Keith: "I am at a loss for words at myself for unwittingly piling up crimes against you." ⬛️ "I'm really sorry, MC."

MC: "No, no, thank you for helping me!" ⬛️ “If it wasn’t for Keith-sama, I would have set out on a journey in my dreams.”

(And I was about to bother those around me)

It was at the same time that I felt sorry and Keith-sama raised his voice.

Scene 4

Keith: “That flower is pretty, isn’t it?”

MC: “Eh?”

Keith: “Huh? I thought you were interested because of how cute it looked… But I’m sorry, it looks like you didn’t.”

N: He lowered his eyebrows and laughed as if to deceive me.

(Why did you suddenly change the subject… about the flowers?) ⬛️ (I realize he’s feeling apologetic…)

N: Keith’s casual consideration makes me feel warm. (If I remember correctly, something like this happened at the tea party.)

MC: “You’re not wrong. The petals are slightly pink, and I thought they were cute.” ⬛️ “But I’m interested in this flower not just because it’s cute, but because it’s a medicinal herb.”

Keith: “Because it’s a medicinal herb?” MC: “I was secretly listening to what you were talking about with the pharmacists earlier.” ⬛️ “I couldn’t take my eyes off you when you were answering all the questions so politely.” ⬛️ “When I witnessed that, I became interested in learning more about plants.”

Keith: “...” ⬛️ “Um…”

N: Keith’s eyes widened and he was at a loss for words as he put his hands out in front of him.

Keith: “I just happened to remember the details about what I was asked and didn’t talk about a big deal.” ⬛️ “The explanation was so bad that I can’t believe it and if it had been someone else, it would’ve been easier to understand.”

(Even if he’s modest, I don’t think he needed to say that much…)

N: I feel like he’s already jumped over humility and changed to shame.

(Aren’t you used to being praised for even the slightest things?)

N: He spoke faster than before and his gaze was restless. ⬛️ Keith showed a reaction that was exactly what I thought.

Keith: “...But I’m glad that my story has piqued your interest, even just a little.” ⬛️ “The more you know about plants, the deeper they are.”

N: Saying that, he relaxed his eyes as if to express his overflowing joy.

Keith: “Huh? Come to think of it, why are you here, MC?” ⬛️ “Ah, you came to call me when it was already time to go to town!?”

MC: “It’s okay, it’s not time to go out yet.” ⬛️ “I heard from Leon that ‘Keith was taken away,’ so I came here.”

Keith:” I’m glad… Is that so?” ⬛️ “To think that I was taken away, Leon is a humorous person, or rather he is a surprisingly mean person.” ⬛️ “As you can see I’m here, I was consulted by the pharmacists.” ⬛️ “‘Are there any substitute herbs that are used in headache medicines and neuralgia medicines?’” ⬛️ “Recently, a thief broke into your supplier’s herb garden, and it seems you only received half of the herbs you ordered.”

MC: “I can’t believe that happened…”

(It’s a big deal for people who need medicine. I’m sure the pharmacist in town is also in trouble.)

MC: “But it’s strange.” ⬛️ “There should be more people who buy mixed medicine, but why both stealing medicinal herbs?”

Keith: “It’s true that there are many buyers.” ⬛️ “But before compounding, depending on the ingredients, it can become any kind of medicine.”

N: Keith puts his hand over his mouth and raises his eyebrows.

Keith: “From what I heard, only one type of medicinal herb was stolen.” ⬛️ “Probably making medicines that can be sold at high prices that are not sold in ordinary stores.”

MC: “Will it sell at a high price?”

N: When I tilted my head, Keith shook his head as if hiding something.

Keith: “No, it’s about stealing so I wondered if that was the case.” ⬛️ “It’s just speculation. I’m sorry, I got off topic.” ⬛️ “And a list of herbs with ingredients similar to those stolen,” ⬛️ “At the same time, I’ve been teaching Jade a recipe list for a long time.”

(The more I listened, the more Keith looked like Yakushi.)

Keith: “Ah, it’s too late now, but I think I seem like I’m a son of a farmer because I only talk about plants.”

MC: “Eh!? No, I was wondering why you knew so much about it.”

Keith: “That’s because the castle grows medicinal herbs, and I’ve been helping with it since I was little.” ⬛️ “Jade is said to be an agricultural country because of its abundant nature, cultivation, and livestock are thriving.” ⬛️ “Among them, it is the plants that are used for medicine, medicinal plants that are particularly driving the economy.” MC: “I didn’t know there were so many herbs…”

N: From Keith’s words, I’m even more aware of my blunder.

(Because I was entrusted with the role of a guide, I ended up only researching about Rhodolite,) ⬛️ (First of all, I should properly investigate Jade. Even though the other party is a noble guest and a prince from the country.)

MC: “I’m sorry, I still have a lot to learn about other countries…”

N: Keith smiled softly when I was driven by the urge to enter into a hole.

Keith: “That’s good.”

MC: “Eh?”

Keith: “Ah, sorry! It was a rude reply to say good.” ⬛️ “I just feel happy when I think that I might have been of some help to you.” ⬛️ “MC, you’re in this court for your studies, aren’t you?”

MC: “Yes.”

Keith: “Even if you don’t understand something, don’t get discouraged because you didn’t study enough.” ⬛️ “You are in the process of acquiring knowledge right now. Don’t rush, learn at your own pace.” ⬛️ “So don’t think, ‘I’ve done something rude to a distinguished guest!’” ⬛️ “I see. If there’s anything you want to know about Jade or any other plant that interests you, I’ll tell you about it.” ⬛️ “There may be a bias in my knowledge, but I want you to close your eyes to my clumsy explanations…”

MC: “Keith…”

(What a good person…No, too good of a person?)

N: My chest was rippling, and a different heat than before enveloped my whole body.

(For Keith, this may be natural.) ⬛️ (However, there are not many people who say such kind words to someone who has only met them for a few days.)

MC: “Thank you very much.” ⬛️ “May I take your word for it and ask about Jade and the plants next time?”

Keith: “Yes, of course. With pleasure.”

(Keith’s kindness is as warm as the sunshine and it makes me feel comfortable.

N: Even after that, Keith received the advice of the pharmacists politely without a single unpleasant look on his face… ⬛️ I left the castle when the clock bell rang twice.

Keith: “...Sorry.”

Synopsis of Chapter 3:

It should have been a meaningful time in the infirmary, but a storm of apologies hits me?! During the guide, I hear Keith’s precious childhood memories. “There were some good things that blew away the misfortune.”

[walviemort]

Fairy Godfather, part 2

Summary: The fairies have asked a monumental favor of Killian: be the surrogate for their babies—all nine of them. He’s been pregnant before, but this? This is a whole other level. What has he gotten himself into? And just how big will he get?

A/N: Another update! This is kind of consuming me so you’ll be getting these pretty often, I hope! thanks to @sancocnutclub for all her encouragement ;)

rated T / 2.2k words / part 1 / AO3

He didn’t wake until mid morning the next day, and was still fairly fatigued, but otherwise felt alright—just a bit tender about the middle. 

A shower helped dissolve most of the lingering soreness, and he took some time in front of the mirror to look for any changes. 

Given that his stomach had never returned to its previous hardened state, it was hard to notice any discernible change in shape, but when he poked around, there was definitely a rounded area that hadn’t been there before. 

He also took a moment to memorize his body as it was; it wouldn’t be long before the babes made their presence visibly known, and the changes that happened while pregnant with Hope were still fresh in his mind. He was both glad that Belle was keeping track of his stats, and already dreading it. 

But she was probably waiting for him, so he needed to get a move on—and something to eat; he was starting to feel peckish, but couldn’t tell whether or not it was more than usual. 

His normal jeans still fit comfortably, albeit a hair snug. It wouldn’t last long, but he’d relish it while it did. At least his shirts would last longer; he’d found a new appreciation for the forgiving cotton knits of this realm in his second trimester. 

Emma was already at the station when he got downstairs, but she’d left behind plenty of pancakes, and he ate a few more than normal; he wasn’t sure how to interpret that. 

Before heading to the library, he went to pick up Hope from her sleepover with her grandparents. David greeted him at the door, with tiny Ruth asleep on his chest.

“So, how’d it go?” he asked, hardly able to keep his eyes away from Killian’s midsection.

“Fine, as far as I could tell. Weird, but fine.”

“Did it hurt?”

“No, thankfully, but I’m sure there will be plenty of aches and pains later.”

David winced. “Man, am I glad they asked you and not me. This one was enough,” he said, patting Ruth’s back gently.

“I don’t disagree, but…”

“But you feel like you owe them,” David finished. 

“Aye.”

“Well, I think it’ll be the other way around by the end of this, but we’ll help you out as much as we can.”

“I appreciate it—and I’m sure we’ll need it with this one,” he replied, nodding at Hope, who was attempting to escape out a window.

She was easily wrangled, though, and happy to see him. He had no idea what fairy infants were like, but if they were half as charming as his daughter (who definitely took after her grandfather), this whole town would revolve around them.

As he thought, Belle was waiting for him, tape measure in hand. “Seriously?” he griped as he set Hope down next to Gideon in the playpen behind the circulation desk.

“You can’t possibly be surprised,” she threw back. “But if it’s any consolation, I won’t do it again until next week.”

“You only did it monthly last time around.”

“You were only carrying one babe.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

Though his waist measurement remained unchanged, his weight was slightly higher (more than could be expected by a few extra pancakes). “I can feel it,” he confirmed when she asked. “There’s definitely something in there, though I only notice it if I go looking for it.”

Belle made a note and then flipped back and forth between some pages. “That matches up with when you found out you were expecting Hope; so do your measurements, and that was, what 8 weeks?”

“Yeah, thereabouts.”

“Second pregnancies do show sooner, too.”

“Especially this one,” he grumbled. 

“Oh yeah,” she agreed.

The day continued normally, although his hand did gravitate to his stomach pretty often, without thinking about it. Even if it wasn’t noticeable, he still knew what was there, and his subconscious seemed to have already set out to protect it—that, or his hormones were already starting to affect him. 

Based on his reaction when Emma arrived that afternoon—particularly to his train of thought when she bent down to pick up a napping Hope—it was definitely hormones. His jeans felt a very different kind of tight then; something he acted on later that night, after a slightly larger than usual dinner. 

“Those hormones kicked in fast,” a sated Emma breathed as they came down from their shared high. “You haven’t been that voracious since we found out we were having a girl.”

“Are you complaining?” he panted. 

“Absolutely not.”

“Good.” And they went for another round. 

In fact, he was so insatiable the next couple of weeks that, despite his elevated appetite, no other discernible change in his weight was noticed; his waist actually went down a bit.

“Are you feeling alright? Keeping food down and everything?” Belle asked, worried, as she recorded his 2-week measurements, comparing them to his 10-week from his first pregnancy. “Last time, you couldn’t eat more than chicken rice about now.”

“Trust me—I feel more than fine,” he assured her. “Were it not for Emma’s implanted contraception, we’d likely need to be planning for a more traditional pregnancy.”

“That’s a very eloquent way of saying you can’t keep your hands off your wife.”

“I could have phrased it crudely—how many synonyms for ‘sex’ did you want Gideon to learn today?”

“None!” she exclaimed, covering her son’s impressionable ears. He was at the age when he repeated anything said around him—a fact they noticed when Gideon’s favorite phrase became “bloody hell.”

“What are uncles for, though?” he teased with a wink. 

Belle just groaned and threatened to teach Hope how to read with romance novels. Killian, however, was just glad she slept through the night so she didn’t interrupt the real thing. 

---------------------------------------------------------

Where there had been some hubbub about town during Killian’s first pregnancy—and quite a lot of gawking—no one seemed as shocked this time around. They’d made no effort to keep it a secret, letting the Storybrooke rumor mill do its job, but either the town was more aware than Killian had been about fairy reproduction, or they had become jaded to such magical oddities (he assumed the latter).

That said—he had to assume the gawking would eventually return. 

Especially with the way Granny was feeding him. To be fair, she wasn’t letting him overindulge, but he’d noticed his portions were larger, and the amount of vegetables increased. He wondered if Blue had given her some nutritional instruction, or if it was just her innate grandmotherly instincts. 

The first time she slid an extra helping of broccoli over, he tried to protest, delicious as it looked. 

“Oh no—eat up, young man,” she commanded. “If my math is right, you’re eating for 10. I should probably be feeding you more, actually.”

Emma snickered next to him—they were on lunch break from the station—but he wasn’t sure if it was at Granny’s tutting or the fact that Killian had just realized the magnitude of…well, all of it. 

So when Granny slid some extra onion rings across the counter, he didn’t complain (but obviously shared them with his wife).

He wanted to blame it on those extra treats—onion rings, fries, pie, muffins—when they noticed an expansion in his waist measurement at 3 weeks, but it was definitely the babes; he could still wear his normal jeans, but was seeing some rounding behind his navel. 

And at 4 weeks—a month since the babes were transferred—it could finally be deemed a bump: there was a gentle curve to his whole stomach, from just under his pecs to his hips (which had been aching a bit as they widened some, likely in anticipation of the heavy load to come). Given the way he and Emma’s evening activities hadn’t slowed, he knew it was all the babies. 

Belle hummed as she compared the notes she’d just taken with those from last time. “Well, that’s interesting,” she commented.

“What is?” Emma asked; she’d joined them for that week’s check in, curious to see where things were.

“This week’s measurements match up with those from the end of the first trimester last time, which I suppose isn’t a huge surprise, but…”

“But I have a lot more to go than two trimesters,” he finished.

All eyes were on his stomach for a long while after that, likely all wondering the same thing: just how large would he get?

The only thing that took their attention away was the ringing of the bell over the door as someone arrived—Blue, it turned out. “Hi,” she greeted, clearly trying to be casual. “Just wanted to stop by and see how things were going.”

He wasn’t naive enough to believe she’d stay away from him for the duration of the pregnancy, although he had expected more subtle surveillance.

They chatted briefly about how he was feeling, and she studied his stomach with an outstretched hand, he assumed to do her own magical assessment. “Yes, they seem to be doing quite well; that’s good.”

“Did you think they weren’t?” Emma quipped.

“No, of course not,” Blue assured her. “Would it be odd to express my excitement?”

Well, they all understood that. “How long has it been since your last brood?” Belle had to ask.

“Over fifty years,” Blue answered. “They’re usually every five to ten, depending on the solstice.”

“And when you don’t have a series of curses in the way,” Emma added.

Blue glanced over Belle’s notes with interest. “That does seem to match up with past broods, though I don’t think anyone ever thought to take such detailed notes.”

“Are there any?” Belle asked. “I don’t have anything here, but if you had some back at the convent, it’d be great for comparison.”

“I’d have to check our library,” Blue answered. “There might be a few scrolls, but we’re not much for recorded history.”

“I can tell,” Belle complained.

After some more chatting, Blue excused herself, but did ask if it was alright if she checked in periodically.

“Of course,” Killian said. “It’s your brood. Plus, I’m certain we’ll need to take you up on the offer of help sooner rather than later, if this is where I’m already at after only 4 weeks,” he added, gesturing to his still-small bump.

“Absolutely,” Blue said. “Oh! I almost forgot.” She pulled her wand out of nowhere and twirled it at Killian’s midsection. His skin grew warm for a moment, but then returned to normal. “I’m not sure if the original spell will account for the size, as far as how it treats your skin; that should eliminate any damage.”

“No stretch marks?” he wondered.

“No—not any new ones, at least.”

“Oh, thank goodness.”

She then left as quickly as she appeared.

“Guess that’s something we’ll have to get used to,” he sighed, and then they went about their day. But he was starting to grow very concerned about what lay ahead for him; he knew this wouldn’t be a small feat, but was worried it would be more than he could handle.

As time progressed, his bump steadily grew, though not unnaturally so. At 5 weeks, it was yet more noticeable; at 6, he finally had to concede defeat and dig out his maternity jeans, though they were still plenty roomy. By the end of the second month, he wasn’t quite where he’d been at the end of his second trimester, but it was definitely a baby bump—roughly where he’d been around 24 weeks with Hope, even though he was only at 8 with this one.

It was around then, though, that he noticed the first flutterings inside. He thought he’d noticed it the week before, but chalked it up to gas or something like that; Granny had been feeding him a lot of black beans lately. But late one night, after yet another glorious session of lovemaking, Emma’s hand had drifted to his belly and even she took notice.

“Wow, they’re actually starting to move in there, huh?”

“Seems like it. You don’t suppose they actually have wings already, do they?”

“Normal babies hardly have limbs at this stage, so probably not.”

They lay peacefully in the afterglow for a bit, before he asked quietly, “You are okay with this, right?”

It wasn’t the first time he’d ask, nor was it likely to be the last. But it was a large undertaking and though she hadn’t exactly protested, he knew it wasn’t something she’d have volunteered for.

“For the hundredth time, yes. Even if this was partly fueled by guilt, I know you probably would have agreed anyway, and that big heart is why I love you so much. And can I say something else?”

“What’s that, love?”

“I was so attracted to you with that baby bump last time, even when you thought you were massive. So as long as your libido holds out, I think we’re both going to be very happy.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Mm, I think I might need some convincing.”

“Then let me show you.” And oh, she did.

Gods, he prayed he’d be able to do that for a while. The next several months were going to be very interesting.

------------------------------------------------------

thanks for reading! tagging @wyntereyez @jennjenn615 @superadam54 @ashley-knightingale @justsomewhump @teamhook @88infinity88​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

[wonderland-in-bloom]

all for one but not for another

[malleus draconia x fem!reader]

anon asked: Hi ! I Hope you're well ! Can I have a one shot with a Fem! reader who is I love with Malleus. Sebek do not like it because she is a simple human and he keeps pushing her away from Malleus. Thank you !

yellloooos anon! i hope you’re well as well :)) 

p.s. THANK YOU ALL FOR 900+ AAAAAAA NANI IS THIS EFOWEFEWOFJOWE WHAT IS THIS ;-; im so sorry i havent been publishing as much and as frequent as i did in the past, because i really want to write quality content for you guys -w- quality over quantity i guess ? lolol BUT THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL AAAAAAAAAAAAA

p.p.s ik this story is supposed to be the reader x malleus (and i promise there are parts of that), but i feel like he only appears a tiny bit oops. btw this story has a little bit of a...twist ;)) watch out for all of the foreshadowing and hints <3

♡

THE sunlight beamed through the framed windows of the classroom, casting a perfect highlight on the features of your beloved senpai. your hand glided through your notebook as you aimlessly doodled small roses and flowers while just staring at him. different scenarios if him and you just appeared inside your mind, satisfying your daydreams. oh you wished to just confess to him behind the school, surrounded by petals of flowers floating around the two of you as he accepts your love, and thus both lived happily ever after. malleus draconia managed to capture your heart. practically everyone in the school knew, probably even the headmaster knew, except for your crush himself. with the whole school knowing, this meant that malleus’s number one fanboy, sebek zigvolt knew about this too.

in classes all he can think about are ways to make you stay far far away from malleus. all the plans that he has thought of so far didn’t manage to work for whatever reason like he was jinxed. he really thought to go as far as to come crying and begging to the one and only azul ashengrotto to make a deal with him. just to keep you away from malleus. however, he kept debating with himself, was it really worth it? didn’t he have to give up his magic to make a deal with the infamous ashengrotto? well he wouldn’t have to resort to that for now. besides there were no rumors blooming around the school about you trying to confess to malleus anyways, so he could stay calm. sebek sighed as he roamed the hallways, trying to find the young master. his eyes lit up when he saw the familiar horns. “MALLEUS-SA-” before he could finish his sentence, he saw you trailing behind him as you tried your best to approach him. you were an inch close to tapping his shoulder before you felt a force pushing you back. you shrieked slightly and fell back. 

malleus was about to turn his head to see what the ‘thud’ was before sebek rushed to him and made him turn his head away. “malleus-sama! we best not be late for lunch! the cafeteria will get full!” hesitantly malleus followed sebek. the two diasomnia students walked away, leaving you trying to stand up from the cold floor of the hallway and brush the dirt off your uniform. “(y/n)-san...are you alright?” you heard a familiar voice call out with a flowery scent like someone spending too much time in the botanical gardens. it was jade leech. “yes. i’m fine. i think..?” he extended a hand and gladly pulled you back up on your feet. “ehhh did that first year really push koebi-chan?” you heard floyd from behind you. “no! it’s not like that...well...maybe...? i’m not sure.” you sighed. jade placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “(y/n)-san, perhaps you might feel better if you sat with us in the cafeteria today.” floyd cheered as this sentence left jade’s mouth. “yaaay! koebi-chan’s sitting with us! come on, koebi-chan! that’s a yes right~” 

well...what could go wrong? besides it was better than sitting alone and just thinking about ways to approach malleus and avoid sebek. “mm, okay. i guess...” jade chuckled while floyd took your hand and dragged you all the way to the cafeteria. he sat down right beside you as jade sat down beside azul. “oya..? it’s a rare occasion seeing you sit with us, (y/n).” azul commented after taking a bite from his salad. “ah...yeah. jade and floyd invited me. i hope you don’t mind.” azul shook his head. “not at all!” he smiled, however there was a change in his expression and a change in the aura around you. “(y/n)...” he trailed off. “you look troubled.”

“eh?! troubled? what...what do you mean...?” azul chuckled. “not meaning to pry, but is everything alright? you seem a little...off.” jade and floyd agreed by nodding. “and a little distant.” jade added. “you look a little sad too.” floyd spoke. a hint of confusion struck you. how did they..? why did they even..? you weren’t feeling like being sentimental at the moment so you wanted to brush it off. “what? me? really? no, you guys i’m fine! really.” you gave them a little smile. they didn’t buy it at all. how fake the three of them thought. “(y/n)-san please...we only want what’s best for you.” you faced jade to see his face plastered with compassion and worry. “you know you can trust us right~” floyd smiled and grabbed your hand, trying to reassure you. “please, (y/n). if there’s anything wrong, we want to be here to help.” azul finished. the octavinelle trio worked wonders with their ways of persuading people, almost like putting them under a hypnosis. “i...” their eyes sparkled. “yes?”

“i just feel slightly weird.” you shrugged. “ah, is this about draconia-san?” your ears perked up at jade’s comment. “well...kind of..? it’s related to that but it’s not entirely...” floyd pouted. “koebi-chan why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” this time it was your turn to pout. “look it’s not that easy. i don’t have the courage to tell him and besides if i did, then there’s no way i can get past his bodyguard.” azul, jade, and floyd eyed each other. “ah, you mean sebek zigvolt?” to be completely honest you didn’t mind him when the year first started. sure he was clingy to malleus but he didn’t really bother you that much. only as the year went on and as your love for the diasomnia dorm leader blossomed, he became much more annoying and hostile towards you. he sure could be very irritating at times. “is that why you fell today?” you cursed jade for being so damn attentive. 

“well i’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose. maybe it was just an accident...” floyd rolled his eyes. “really koebi-chan? you really think he didn’t do that on purpose?” you bit your bottom lip. well you were in an extremely close proximity to malleus so...maybe it was on purpose. but no! he couldn’t have done that...could he? “ah i’ve been hearing about these things. sebek zigvolt would stop at nothing to keep at others away from draconia.” the three exchanged glances once more and all chuckled. “i’m surprised he hasn’t come running to us for a contract.” azul joked. you tried your best to chuckle with them but your mind was too busy with the thought of sebek purposely harming you just to keep you away from malleus. “(y/n), he can be a very irritating first year and dangerous even! he means you harm...all for his senpai who doesn’t even consider him...so are you sure he’s not the root of all your problems?” 

“i mean yeah...but still-” floyd cut off your sentence. “i heard he pushed someone off the stairs last time.” those words rang in your ear. what? “oh no, the audacity. a rumor circulating the heartslabyul dorm said that he tried to curse the first year, deuce spade, for helping draconia-san fix something.” huh..is he..? what are they..? “how scary.” azul shook his head before facing you. “do you see how much of a threat he is, (y/n)? i don’t mean to scare you...but imagine if you tried to confess your feelings to your love, malleus draconia? surely he would do something unspeakable...” you held your own hand, feeling it tremble. “eh?! koebi-chan!” floyd put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “you three really think...he’s a threat..?” azul sighed hesitantly. “as much as we hate to admit it, (y/n), we think so.” 

“we only want your safety. we only want you to be safe. we only want you to be safe while getting what you want...” jade trailed off. “winning the heart of malleus draconia.” floyd finished jade’s sentence. “getting your beautiful dream come true as spring is in bloom.” azul added. “then..what should i do? i really don’t want to be hurt, but at the same time...i want to be closer to malleus-senpai.” you were close to tears. your mind was clouded with different thoughts circling around and making you overthink. “(y/n) we would be happy to help. we really want to help you find and get rid of the root of this issue.” you failed to realize the hidden smirk on azul’s face. “meet us in the mostro lounge tonight at seven pm.” the clock struck one, time for the next class. the three stood up, with smirks and grins which showed the leech twin’s razor sharp teeth. “remember, we only want what’s best for you. we’ll teach him that he’s barking up the wrong tree. so please consider our offer...you can get your happily ever after easily.” azul spoke in a hushed tone before leaving you there in a state of dilemma. 

a contract with the sneaky octopus, for the sake of satisying your never-ending blossoming dreams of a happy ending and your own safety...

AT the end of that same week, sebek anxiously paced to the mostro lounge. “oh...we have a visitor!” floyd cheered. “welcome to the mostro lounge, sebek-san. what is it you need?” jade put down a pair of scissors after snipping flower stems and arranging them in a vase. “i want a deal with azul ashengrotto!” he barked. “you’re in luck...he’s in the vip room right now. please head inside and we can discuss this...civilly.” sebek gulped loudly while stepping inside the vip room. “ah! if it isn’t sebek zigvolt. talk about you has been spreading faster than weeds in a garden...” azul chuckled as the door behind him closed. “please have a seat. what is it that you want?” sebek didn’t even bother sitting down as he barged to azul. “i want to make a deal with you! i want that pathetic human to stay far away from malleus-sama!” azul’s eyes widened before chuckling. “how straightforward...how desperate...you poor unfortunate soul. trying your best to protect the young master...”

“so?! is it a deal?” jade interrupted. “if i may ask, why in such a hurry?” floyd snickered. “it’s like you’re whining ‘cause you got a thorn stuck in your foot or something...” sebek clenched his fist. “i heard a couple of rumors that...that human is going to confess to malleus-sama tomorrow after school ends in the meadow behind the school!” jade and floyd’s eyes widened as they exchanged glances. so you did decide to confess...”so please! i beg of you!” azul placed his pointer finger on his chin, thinking for a while. “well...i can’t turn a client down. especially not with this kind of opportunity...” a bright, glowing contract appeared in front of sebek. he anxiously took the pen and inched his hand closer to the contract as azul explained all the terms and conditions including the collateral. “do we have a deal?” sebek nodded confidently. he was sure he was going to beat you, in a way. he was positive he was going to stop you from confessing to malleus. “yes. we do.” azul chuckled evilly. “excellent.” oh how happy he was. he was going to get everything he wanted both from you and from sebek...oh how he was one step ahead of the both of you.

the next day, you anxiously waited at the meadows. just waiting for love. when you saw him step towards you, a huge smile was plastered on your face. “malleus-senpai!” your eyes widened when you saw a gentle smile being reciprocated. “(y/n). pleasure to be here.” you swallowed all your fear and anxiety and tried your best to plant it in the back of your mind. “i have something to tell you...” meanwhile sebek started running to the back of the school, ready to scream with all his might to distract malleus away from you and so he wouldn’t accept your confession. in the middle of the way, he felt his legs becoming heavy...what’s going on?! he felt weak...surprisingly not in pain...he looked down to see his legs...withering away into a bunch of flower petals. no NO NO NO! “as collateral for this magic amplifier, all of your magic will be given to me. if he however, somehow manages to accept (y/n)’s feelings, then all your magic will be mine.” sebek knew he was confident in beating you to it. so he agreed. but he didn’t know that you were one step ahead of him...that you signed a deal with the cunning octopus before he did!

sebek looked down at his hands which were now withering away. the magic amplifier fell out of his pocket as they started to disappear as well into a bunch of flower petals. meanwhile you poured your heart and soul into your confession as you were ready to accept whatever answer he was about to give you. you were expecting rejection...but all malleus did was chuckle. “oh (y/n). i knew this whole time. you really ought to be better at keeping secrets.” your jaw dropped. “eh...eh..? I’M SORRY! I’M REALLY SORRY! I’M SORRY IF YOU THINK I’M A CREEP OR-” he leaned down and landed a kiss on your lips, stopping your sentence midway. so this means...yes huh? your eyes widened as you were surrounded by multicolored petals dancing in the wind. this was everything you dreamed of. this was everything you wanted. this was your happily ever after. just like azul promised...

“we ensure you your happily ever after, (y/n). we’ll give you the scene you’ve always wanted. we’ll give you your fantasy. we’ll ensure your safety as well. as for your collateral, all you need to do is just confess to malleus draconia by sunset at the end of the week. that’s all...see. you can trust us. we wish for his love to bloom to ensure...all of our happy endings.”

♡

okay this was long, which i didn’t expect it to be...? anyways idk if the foreshadowing worked or not but probably didn’t lol. i just inputted a bunch of words and scenes related to flowers and plants hinting at the ending lol so sorry if it sucks. i’ll try to write more stories like this to improve it ;w; okay ik it was supposed to be a malleus x reader thing but it’s very heavily focused on you and the octavinelle bois...hmmm

but hey, at least you got your happy ending...

love, a♕

[lunaschild2016]

Belief - Part 5 (Edit)

Rating: M

Devi is Dauntless. Through blood sweat and tears she made a place for herself three years ago when she left her life in Amity behind. Not once in that three years has Eric Coulter even deigned to look her way. Not until that night. Now she has nothing but his attention. Eric/OC AU [Smut, Language, Romance]

{I do have the read more feature on this but it has been glitching. Sorry in advance!}

Part 5

  “You’ll never believe what I just heard….” 

The excited voice of Kari drifts to me from outside of the office I’m currently camping out in. 

I don’t need to know what she just heard because the look she cast at me when she hurried by the office lets me know what it is. The story I’ve been expecting and dreading to be circulated has finally hit the rest of Dauntless. My shoulders slump a little, but I can’t take the time to dwell over how the story might have changed and what’s being said I was caught doing with Eric in his office.

Yesterday was a crappy day and it’s not looking like today is going to be any better for me. Truthfully, I can’t blame any of that on work. That’s going great, amazing even. The extra help also came along with some much-needed supplies and a few pieces of equipment to replace the things that were on their last legs. I was even told that it looks like we might be able to get an upgrade to the station that lets us communicate with the doctors in Erudite. 

And all of that is exactly why I have been miserable as hell. Because I know who I have to thank for all of that. I just don’t have the actual nerve to face him and do it. 

As soon as I set foot in the office for debriefing yesterday morning it was loudly announced by a junior leader by the name of Edward, that there are new changes being made, care of leadership, specifically by order of the senior leader.

If that wasn’t bad enough, two of the Erudite nurses were overheard by Kari whispering to each other that they have all been given strict instructions and reminders that I’m the one in charge. Then, later on, I heard them myself as one whispered to the other asking ‘is that her’. 

Rumors about us were already making the rounds, thanks to my performance in the Pit that ended with me in his arms as he carried me out before this latest one hit circulation. Because of this, I had no intention of going to lunch. I don’t think Eric would’ve appreciated me being there either, judging by his angry look when I left him in his office.

My friends had been in constant contact after a worried Sadie sent them a group message telling them something happened between me and Eric but she didn’t know what, only that I came back home looking like fury incarnate. It took a flurry of text messages from my friends to calm them down, while I tried to beg off meeting anyone for lunch. That only ended with Tori knocking on the door of the exam room I was just finishing in, holding up a bag of food and making it clear we would be having lunch together.

I also knew Tori and while having lunch together isn’t unusual, where she took us to have it was what I call her advice spot. One of the roofs of the compound has been turned into a rooftop garden of sorts. No one knows how or by who it was started but I think it must have been some long ago Amity that wanted a bit of his old home at his new one. It’s covered in soft grass with the odd wildflower here and there. I think that Tori picked this place to take me when we first started having deep conversations because it was like having that bit of home for me too.

The sun and wind are refreshing to me, so for a few minutes I just lay back on the grass and soak them both up while she unpacks our lunch for us. 

Finally, she decides I’ve had enough of my quiet time and pushes my sandwich at me with a sigh. “So, I guess you know I heard a few things this morning.”

I snort and unwrap my food but just sit there looking at it afterward. “I’m sure you heard all about what a psycho bitch I am.”

She chuckles at that and shakes her head. “Neither of those words entered into the description. Although hard-headed, demanding, and frustrating ...those all entered the conversation.” Then she looks at me and laughs. “Now, Uri, on the other hand, might have said something about you looking like a woman who was pushed over the edge and was on your way to take out our fearless leader as you stormed your way through Dauntless. That was just from him seeing you stomp through the pit and hearing you cursing Eric out. He actually called and warned him before you got there.”

I blushed and took a bite of my sandwich and chewed while thinking. It’s quiet while we eat until she lays down her sandwich. I hear her take a breath and release it.

“I don’t know if I’ve said this to you before. I mean, it’s not like I go in for all that sentimental bullshit, but you’re like a daughter to me.” She says softly from beside me.

I swallow and look over at her. She isn’t looking at me but off into the distance. The erudite sector is a faint outline from here but is recognizable all the same. I think that’s also why she comes here at times, some part of her misses her old home too. 

Her admission leaves me at a loss for words. I guess she doesn’t expect any because she continues on without looking at me.

“I never wanted to get close to anyone again after what happened with George. I definitely didn’t want to get close to the lone Amity transfer that Dauntless has had in years, much less a tiny little girl.” She stops and looks over to me and grins. “One look at you slinking your way into my parlor and the defiance you had in your eyes, just daring anyone and everyone to say anything about you being there, got to me. You reminded me of both myself and George. Which of course made me crankier when you wouldn’t just go away.”

We both laugh at that but I can feel tears gathering in the corner of my eyes.

“You still remind me so much of myself, Devi. I just don’t know that it’s a good thing. I’ve held onto my anger and grief for so long that I let it make me hard and jaded. I know you like to tell yourself, and anyone who asks, that your life before in Amity was fine. That you aren’t upset or hurt by what was done to you there. I get that you don’t want to say anything bad about your family and that you still love them. But you got a raw deal in Amity, kiddo. It made parts of you hard that were never meant to be that way for you.”

“It wasn’t all from Amity.” I protest and see her looking at me with those eyes that can cut through all my bullshit.

“No. Some of it you brought on yourself.” She says and raises her chin, preparing for my argument and anger.

She’s right, I feel anger flaring in me violently. “How the hell did I do that? All I did was follow everyone's advice and put myself out there. To give dating and relationships another try, but look where that got me.”

Tori scoffed and looked away. “Because it was all in the choice you made. Out of all those guys that were interested, you picked Charlie. We all warned you about him, Devi. We told you he had an on and off-again relationship with Carmen for over five years; and that every time she came up supposedly single again, he would drop whoever he was messing with and go back to her. You knew all of that and you still went for him. I know you sure as hell weren’t crazy or even serious about him, but you hold onto the memory of that failed relationship like its a shield. Why?”

I sit quietly stewing in my anger as I look off into the distance not wanting to admit to myself that everything she said is true. I think back to that time and what drew me to Charlie in the first place.

It wasn’t long after I started going out and socializing that I turned my thoughts to maybe meeting new guys and dating again. If I’m being honest, I was just humoring my friends and didn’t really think there would be anyone interested in me. I agreed more out of the desire to make my new friends happy than anything else. So, when it seemed like there was always some new guy they wanted me to meet or that wanted to meet me, I panicked and realized I wasn’t ready for that, but couldn’t face telling them all this. 

Then one day I met Charlie.

He’s a patrolman that had to come into the clinic to be treated. I liked his smile and his easy-going manner. He asked me to have lunch with him and I accepted, but it was the kind of lunch you have with a new friend rather than a date to me. That lunch led to a few others, then a couple of dinners, then hanging out.

If I’m being completely honest, we weren’t really ever officially together. He never asked and I never pushed for that conversation. Being with him got everyone off my back and my friends stopping trying to set me up. I just kind of fell into the relationship with him, really. He wasn’t pushy in his advances but eventually, we did become intimate. I was never crazy attracted to him at all and the sex had been okay. Since he was gone a good majority of the time, it was easy to be ‘together’ with him. 

Why had I picked him? Back then I ignored the warnings and stubbornly refused to listen. Telling myself that I wouldn’t let anyone control my life, or me, ever again.  Then eight months later the safe little world I built for myself came crashing down when I got caught up in his drama with his ex. It was a big joke around Dauntless, Carmen’s marriage and constant on/off affair with Charlie. Apparently, she would usually make a big scene and leave her husband for one reason or another then hook back up with Charlie again. This time though, they were caught together by the husband and he was the one that left, for good this time.

She’s right that I knew going into it what the likely result would be no matter what lies I tried to tell myself to justify getting together with him. The real reason was that I knew it wouldn’t last and I was okay with that.

“Because I knew it would fail,” I whisper into the breeze but I feel Tori shift beside me and sigh. I turn to look at her and say it more firmly. “I knew it wouldn’t last and I think ...I think I wanted it that way. I knew it would end in him going back to her and that would give me an excuse. It would give me something else or someone else to blame for it. To have a reason why….” I trail off before I finish, ashamed of how weak it makes me feel.

She smiles sadly at me and nods. “To have a reason never to try again.”

I nod and wrap the sandwich up, having lost my appetite. “So it’s all my fault then? What happened with Eric?”

She snorted and then slapped me up the backside of my head. “Did I say that, idiot? Hell no. If anything I’m glad you’ve been standing up to him like you have. He needs someone that’s going to stand up for what she wants and call him out when he’s being an ass.”

“Then why…” I ask frowning but she interrupts me.

“Because you aren’t the only one with a past, Devi. He might not be going about it in the best of ways, but he is trying.” She is looking at me the entire time she’s talking and she tilts her head like she’s debating something. “He asked me about you. I don’t mean just in the last week either. Back when he first made leader, we worked together closely to bring down the Erudite conspiracy, to clean up the mess Max and the other’s created, and to get Dauntless back on track.  I would even say we became friends back then too. That’s when he asked about you, and I could tell there was interest on his part, but I warned him away.”

I frowned deeply and felt anger flashing but she again stopped me. “It wasn’t all to protect you, Devi. Neither of you was in a place where you had moved beyond your past. Hell, you guys might not be even now.”

“What…” I stop in the middle of my thought. Needing to know what could possibly be in his past won out over the thought that I had no right to ask. “What happened to him?”

She shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know the details other than there was a girl back in Erudite who chose someone else. That isn’t my story to tell anyway and it’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” She took a big breath and looked at her hands. “Everyone asks why I never got together with Bud before everything happened with the leaders. The simple answer was because I held on to bitterness and hurt for too long, and by the time I was ready, it was too late. He was gone. I’ll always regret that now. That I didn’t even try with him. I just don’t want that for you. So, even if this thing with Eric doesn’t work, at least you can say you tried.”

She had said what she needed and wanted to say. Then in usual Tori fashion, she moved on to another less emotional topic. It had left me lying in my bed that night, deep in thought and wondering what I really wanted. 

I still haven’t come up with an answer in the light of a new day. I’m not even sure I’ll have the chance to find out, because I still haven’t heard from Eric either. Not that I expected to really. He did say he was going to be busy even before what happened in his office and with the way I left things I don’t think he’s given me another thought.

I shake myself, literally, to clear my head and get back on task.

Morose thoughts and what if’s aren’t going to get the work done that’s still piled up in the office. Inventory needs to be taken. I have a few appointments with some of the older Dauntless to do some physiotherapy. I even talked a few into getting light adjustments and massages. 

So I gratefully plunge myself into it.

When lunch nears I debate my options. 

I can go grab something from a deli, go to the mess, or maybe even head to my apartment and grab whatever we might have there. 

The clinic is taken care of and I’m getting wary, nervous looks from the staff as lunch approaches. That rumor mill is hard at work again and they’ve all heard about the threats to those working here if I don’t take my damn lunch. I decided to at least just leave and make my decision on the way. Before I know it I’m just a few steps away from the mess hall. I think I already knew where I was going to go.

It has to be bad timing or the universe working against me. As soon as I get close I come even with a group about to enter the mess themselves. It’s a few of the leaders and senior ranked officers of Dauntless, with visitors from Erudite and Eric among them. He looks my way for a second before leaning in to say something to one of the men and then looking my way again. 

No, not just looking my way. He’s now actually breaking off and coming towards me. 

“Devi.” He greets me with a small nod. “Good to see you’re actually taking your lunch breaks now.” He smirks a little when I moodily cut eyes at him.

I shrug and look straight ahead as I resume walking. “Yeah well, you know how I get when I haven't eaten.”

He smiles at this. I feel it before I turn my head to see it. “Indeed I do.” Then the smile is gone and he looks around as we step into the mess. “Would you join us for lunch? I was actually going to contact you, but there’s someone here that it would be good for you to meet with.”

“So this is a business lunch?” I ask and damn myself for the tinge of disappointment I feel.

His jaw clenches and he stops me so that we turn towards each other. “This is me asking you to have lunch at the leader's table.”

Just because I’m fluent in two different languages does not mean that it makes it any easier to adapt to another one. Especially one as convoluted as ‘Eric-speak’. I narrow my eyes and do my best to try and translate the hidden meaning of his words, but he gets impatient and rolls his eyes.

“Okay then. Just remember that I asked first.” He grumbles, grabs my arm and then pulls me along to the leader's level. 

The tiniest smirk escapes me and I repress a laugh at his frustrated grumbling beside me. He doesn’t let go of my arm until he sees me going to take my seat. Then he releases and slides into the seat beside me with the visitors looking at us with interest. 

“Alyssa, Calvin, Elijah...this is Devi; the Head Nurse at the clinic as well as the Physiotherapist.” Eric motions to each of the people at the table. They are all Erudite which is clear by their manner of dress and the way they hold themselves. They each give me a nod of greeting but one eyes me a little critically before Eric continues on. “They are all in charge of different departments within Erudite and are here to assess some things for us. We’re trying to bring things to date and put a few others in place for the faction.”

I nod and smile distractedly at each of them in greeting. My attention is focused mainly on the foods at the table today. The few times I’ve eaten up here with Eric and the others, I’ve definitely eaten better than I usually do. It’s not that it’s fancy really just that the selections are always a bit healthier and lighter than the normal greasy, fried or heavy ones served on the lower level. 

Today that’s taken to a new extreme and the sight of all the fruits and veggies on the table has me drooling. It’s been ages since I’ve had the variety I’m looking at right now.

Tris, Four, and Tori all notice this and laugh at my expression but it’s Tris who speaks up to explain the difference today.

Technically she isn’t a leader. She turned the offer down after she ranked first in her initiation and it went to the second-ranked Edward. She did take an assistant and ambassador position though. It seems like her main role is to be a go-between or mediator for Dauntless and Abnegation. Tensions between the two factions are still high after everything came out about what was planned by the older Dauntless and Erudite leaders, no matter that the war they wanted never happened, many of her old faction are still wary of us.

Tris is the daughter of the main councilman, which is Abnegation’s title for their Senior leader. Their relationship and her having been well-liked and looked up to in her old faction helps to smooth things over. Her dad is a bit of a dick though. Even she admits that he’s difficult to work with. Her mom is really cool and part of why things are working out better now. Not only is she just an amazing person, but she was also Dauntless before she transferred. I might be biased when it comes to Tris’ mom though, considering she was the one that helped me decide to go where I belonged.

I will always remember her mom’s caring and kindness the day she held me as I cried while feeling like my world was ending.

“Usually when we have visitors the cooks add a bit more variety to the normal menu,” Tris says with a laugh and hands me the bowl of a summer fruit salad that had me internally moaning. 

I eagerly take it and start to scoop some onto my plate.

“Then you guys definitely should come to visit more often. I haven’t had this since before I got here.” I say as I smile widely and reach for the next platter of food to take from.

“I take it that you were a transfer?” The Erudite woman asks with derision dripping from the words. 

Eric tenses up beside me and across from me, I see Tori eyeing the woman like she’s seconds from snatching the hair from her head. Guess it’s a good thing there are three people between those two.

I look at Alyssa with a raised chin and smile proudly at her. “I found my way home from Amity.”

The man named Elijah interrupts whatever his faction-mate was going to say in reply. His eyes are almost appraising while he’s smiling at me. “That’s impressive. Amity going to Dauntless has always been the most difficult transition to make. It speaks to just how accurate you are that you made it. You had to be a true Dauntless to achieve that.”

“She is,” Eric says firmly after swallowing his bite of food. 

It seems to be a warning or threat directed at two of the Erudite. Alyssa and Calvin give him curt and respectful nods while Elijah is just grinning at Eric, almost as if he’s teasing him or amused by his defense of me.

“So she is.” He agrees softly and turns his attention to his plate. 

I let out a breath and exchanged looks with Tori who is smiling for some reason, then just shrug and dig into my food. I’m used to my friends carrying on conversations during meals and that extended to what I know happens during meals at the leader's table. I know what to expect when they all startup and at first I just listen to the conversations going on around me.

“I hope the new staff additions have been of help to bring the clinic back to where it’s at least manageable now,” Elijah says, catching my attention and forcing me to take part in the various conversations going on.

This catches me off guard because I really didn’t think there was going to be anything I could engage an Erudite in conversation over. I guess my expression says this plainly because he smiles at me in apology. 

“I’m sorry, I guess our titles or departments weren’t given in our introduction. By profession, I’m a doctor, but I stepped away from practicing when leadership asked to help get things back on track with our own faction. I also now head up the Health Services Department. One of my department's roles is to work with the other factions and their own health services if they have them or to stand in if they don’t. I’m sure you are well aware that cooperation has sadly fallen way behind and now it’s my job to see that it gets back on track. Since you’re the Head Nurse, this will see us working together fairly closely.”

He seems happy about that fact, or at least he was smiling as he said it. There’s something in his eyes though. Something nagging and familiar about the way he looks at me, appraising me even. I can’t place why they seem so familiar but I also don’t spend a lot of energy trying to. 

Not when I’m faced with the person that can finally hear about my ideas and has the ability to...maybe...see that they get put in place. 

Elijah has a small smirk tilting his lips as I switch from just concentrating on eating to excitedly launching into conversation with him. We go back and forth with ideas I have, as well as some of his own. When we get to the topic of our members being forced to go to the factionless when they either get to a certain age or too infirm, Tori and Tris join in since this is something they’ve had on their agenda to get changed as soon as possible.

It turns out that all the leaders in Dauntless are on board with that change. It’s also been approved by the city council. The problem is that the elderly and disabled members lose the ability to safely navigate the compound. It becomes dangerous with poor mobility or sight. There are even some cases of dementia and other diseases that affect the mind. In these instances, getting to and from places like the mess hall and clinic become risky ventures.

Before the end of lunch, I’ve already been informed that Elijah will be coming to the clinic to take a tour. I’ve also been invited to join the Dauntless group that will be going to Erudite where I will have the opportunity to tour the facilities and make further plans for my clinic. 

One lunch accomplished more for the clinic than anyone has been able to do in years. To be honest, this is leaving me dazed. I’m a combination of giddy, nervous, confused, and even a little... unsettled... by this new development. 

My slight discomfort might have been because Elijah seemed to be very familiar with all the reports and requests I’ve made over the years; paying special attention to the ones that weren’t the standard ones but things that I’ve come up with ideas and plans on how to solve. I think it was more to do with the fact that the entire time Eric had a smug and pleased smile as he sat silently beside me and watched the two of us closely with a hint of pride shining in his blue eyes anytime they met mine.

I’m not used to that from Eric when we’re around others. His normal demeanor is possessive, jealous even, that he doesn’t even bother to try hiding. I’ve even seen him come close to a pout when I’ve given anyone besides him attention at those lunches I shared with him here before. 

“See you soon,” Eric declared when I got up to leave lunch and hurry back to the clinic. I could only give a nodded response and hope I didn’t look like a fool when I scampered away hurriedly.

                           ************************************************

I whipped into the clinic like a hurricane, barking out orders and rushing to complete my own tasks. I wouldn’t say that I’m acting as bad as someone like Lynn, who is a complete hardass that takes no shit and has been known to kick some literal ass when someone in her patrol units fails to take her seriously, but I’ve been told I can be pretty bad at times.

Kari and Devin knew what was up the second I burst through the door and they knew better than to even try and give me any crap. They know when they can be playful and talkback or crack jokes and when not to. Some of the Erudite nurses try to mouth off when I give the order than anyone not attending to a patient will be cleaning, trying to tell me that’s not in their job description, but I take care of that pretty quickly.

The leaders haven’t cared to do a formal inspection of the clinic in years but I’m treating this visit like it will be. I’m just as busy as all the others I assign to tasks. I start in the office to get it cleaned up and at least organize the paperwork that’s still waiting to be done. After that, I take care of that and move on to the storerooms. Those are always a priority and don’t need much so I move on to getting the private exam rooms and other parts of the clinic clean.

By the time Elijah is due to arrive we have everything looking as sparkling as it can get, all the beds have been made with crisp sheets, and drawers that hold our supplies have all been organized and stocked. I can’t do anything about how the majority of our equipment and the clinic itself looks old and worn out, but I’ve made sure it’s all as presentable as I can get it. 

Shauna came in after I messaged her and helped and when we got the clinic itself sorted, I turned to the staff and started ordering everyone to get themselves straightened up and change if their scrubs are too dirty. Thankfully we have a stock of scrubs so that’s not too hard for the Dauntless staff. 

She walks along with me, giving everything and everyone a once over and lets out a relieved sigh when I give a curt nod of approval before breaking out into a smile. 

Elijah isn’t alone when he arrives but with how Eric announced for the entire table he would be seeing me again, I think I knew that he wouldn’t be. It isn’t just Eric and Elijah though and as soon as I see Harrison, one of the only old leaders that still remain, I know that the clinic is about to have its first inspection in years.

I snap out the order for attention and to present for the inspection. My Dauntless staff respond perfectly. All the Erudite, Elijah included are startled by the command and look at a loss for what to do but that doesn’t stop Eric and Harrison from looking pleased. Harrison gave a brusque nod and grunt of approval while Eric smirked briefly before they both got started on doing the personnel inspections. When Eric looked over to me at one point as I watched him do what was expected as a commanding officer, look over all the staff first, I felt a shiver of pleasure at the heat and pride in his eyes.

“At ease.” He finally gave the order to the room in general. “Devi, let’s show our guest around. Harrison, Shauna, you two go over the premises for safety and equipment checks.” 

I nodded and move forward to join Elijah then began to show him all the clinic. We discussed everything in regards to the limitations we had and what the clinic is supposed to be able to do. He had an assistant trailing behind us typing furiously what Elijah was saying in regards to what would need to be addressed first. Eric was following along and interjected as well about there having been plans once to move the clinic location to provide a better facility and to make it easier to access.

The problem with the current location is that it’s in a part of the compound that has only one route in and one route out and that’s deep inside Dauntless. When someone is really hurt they have to go all that way costing crucial seconds.  

I listen as the talk between themselves turns to not just moving the clinic but the fact that there should be live in staff from Erudite instead of the few that would deign to show up a few days of the week and only for a few hours at that. I can feel the blood in my veins beginning to boil when I think back on all those times when just having a nurse or doctor on staff could have made such a difference in the lives of the people here at Dauntless. 

When I think about the lives lost that we couldn’t save at the clinic because we just weren’t equipped or trained to.

“So you're telling me that we are supposed to have at least one doctor and three nurses from Erudite here? That they are supposed to be residing in Dauntless housing as well?” I try to keep the anger from my tone but I’m sure Eric picks up on it. Elijah doesn’t and answers for me.

There is something in the way his jaw tightens and his lips thin when he answers that distracts me for a moment but it passes quickly. “That was the idea, and about fifteen years ago there were actually a few Erudite that lived and worked on Dauntless premises full time. There is no record of why that stopped at that time other than it was a mutual decision. It might take some time but we are hoping to be able to arrange for that again.”

Talk turned to how that might be possible and carried on for the rest of the tour. Before he left, Elijah confirmed with me that I would be going to Erudite with a group of Dauntless and assured me I would be invited to spend the day with Elijah touring his department and other relevant areas.

Eric was hesitant to leave and I could tell he was trying to get a moment alone but it wasn’t possible. Instead, he just said he would be seeing me soon and left with the others.

He left me wondering and waiting, as I went to sleep that night hoping for a least a message from him and I hated that I felt so crushed when one never came.

                   **********************************************

I run my hand over the dress hanging on the back of my door and let out a tired sigh. The excitement of shopping for and picking out a new dress has finally worn off and back to where I started my evening out at. I hated admitting that not hearing from Eric once since he left my clinic two days ago got to me, but it did. At dinner in the mess, I once again found myself looking out for him even though I know he and the other leaders have been out of the compound for various meetings. I’ve been alternating between telling myself I don’t care, being livid at him, and denying how it feels like my heart is breaking a little. 

Before I left the mess hall, with Vera in tow, to go do a bit of what she calls ‘retail therapy’, I decided to write off anything further with Eric. 

I finger the material of the outfit I picked out for tomorrow and smile a little. When I picked it out with Vera’s help, I had been going for something that would still look Dauntless but that would meet and Erudite’s standards of being sharply dressed. 

I toyed with the idea of going with a pantsuit, even trying on a few of them, but with my height, I didn’t care for how much shorter they made my legs look. What I finally settled on is actually a dress and jacket combination. It isn’t outrageous or too sexy, although there is a definite Dauntless flair to it. Its what Vera called a little black dress and is a spaghetti strapped bodycon dress that goes to an inch above my knees. The neckline is a sweetheart that has a very slight v dipping in the center where it gives a peek of cleavage. Over the dress, I picked out a black pinstripe blazer to give it more of a professional look and for my own touches, I’m adding my metal belt and a new pair of heels that have a matching pinstripe pattern as the blazer.

I tried not to think of Eric at all when I was shopping, but I can admit now as I get ready for bed that he was always at the back of my mind. 

I hope he sees me and feels something. Maybe even feeling regret at letting me go? After all, if I’m feeling regret then I’m going to make damn sure that he does too.

                      ****************************************************** 

I wake up even earlier than I would normally. I have a plan to present a sleek look and that means straightening my hair. Not an easy or quick task. 

Sadie, god love her, even volunteered to help. So in thanks for that, I decided to drag my butt out of bed and head to my favorite place to get breakfast treats and coffee for us. They’re always open at ass early in the morning since they have to begin baking early for the morning patrol and guard shifts heading out.

I know that I look a mess right now since I’m still in my pajamas and my hair is falling in tangles I don’t bother to try and tame right now. I just shove my feet into the closest pair of shoes, which happens to be my work shoes, and stumble out of the apartment. 

I’m oblivious to anything else but the thought of getting coffee and a few of those bear claws that I love so much. The last time they were out by the time I made it in. I get caught up in sending up muttering threats that they better have them since I’m up so damn early just to get them and I don’t notice the person that I brush past. It isn’t until I hear his bellowed curse and he yanks me back and to him that I realize who it is.

“Goddammit, Devi.” A disheveled and sweaty Eric growls out lowly while walking me backward towards the wall in the hallway near my apartment. 

“What?” I ask in confusion as I try to push him away from me. 

“What did I say about you walking around like that the other morning?” He asks while pressing his body against mine, making me move back into the dark and against the wall even though I was trying to resist. All the fight seemed to go out of me and I couldn’t tell you why I was trying to fight him in the first place when every inch of my skin went to fire as soon as we made contact. 

Maybe it's because Eric makes me feel wild and out of control every single time we touch and I don’t know how to handle that. 

“I thought I told you I don’t care what you do or don’t like me wearing? What does it matter anyway? I’m just grabbing coffee and donuts before getting ready for the trip to Erudite today. I’m not about to get dressed just to go back and get dressed. Makes no sense.”  

He doesn’t answer me and I don’t know if he really even heard me. His mouth is getting closer to mine and his nostrils are flared while he breathes in deep ragged breaths. He’s feeling the same desire I am, maybe even the same pent up frustration that I’ve been feeling since this whole thing started as well. That thought just serves to piss me off because he hasn’t bothered to even try and contact me at all. 

So, I make another attempt to shove him away, hard, but he only catches my hands and forces them above my head.  

“What does it matter to you, Eric? It isn’t like you’ve even said one word to me outside of that trip to the clinic.” He covers me with his body while he brushes his nose against my neck and his teeth graze my ear. 

“What did you want me to say to you, little one? That I couldn’t get you out of my fucking mind the entire time I was at Candor?” His words come out in a low rumble. He shifts so that one of his hands are still pinning both of mine to the wall while the other he reaches out and grips the back of my neck.“Should I have told you that I was distracted the entire fucking visit to the prison by wondering what you were doing and if you were actually fucking eating instead of overworking?” 

His mouth claims mine for a fierce and passionate kiss before he breaks away with a growl.

“Do you want me to tell you that I spend a ridiculous amount of time with my hand wrapped around my cock while I’m thinking about you? Or how fucking maddening it is when I remember every time I’ve finally had you just where I’ve fucking wanted you…” He thrusts his hips forward and pulls back to look at me, his eyes blazing into mine. “But I never seem to be able to do what I want most. Do you want me to tell you that I still have the taste of you on my lips and that I crave more, or how I can’t wait to find out if you are as tight and wet around my cock as you were around my fingers?”

I whimper at the heat of his words and body as they crash into me. He shifted us while speaking so that now I’m practically straddling a thigh so hard and massive it can’t be real. I press forward, moving my chest that short distance from mine to his as I inhale the intoxicating scent of him.

It’s obvious he had either been out of a run or a work out in the training room. He’s dressed in a black shirt running shorts and a black shirt that has the sleeves cut off. The shirt is drenched in sweat, making it cling to his body. It should be disgusting to have his sweaty, messy body pressing against mine, to have his thigh pressing hard against me, making me become impossibly wet and aroused, but honestly, it just turns me on even more.

“Something is better than nothing. Especially when I thought you changed your mind after your office.” I manage to finally whisper my response to his admissions in a moment of being completely vulnerable just before his lips cover mine. 

My eyes flutter closed as I sigh into his mouth and our tongues slide against each other. His leg presses into me again and I moan when it registers that his shorts have ridden up, and all that tight bare flesh is pressing into me. My hips move on their own while Eric breaks away from the kiss and starts to kiss and lick along my neck.

“I've waited far too long for this to let you get away from me that easily, Devi” He murmured against my lips after moving back to them. “Why is it that when I finally have you like this, I never have the goddamn time to follow things through?” He says in a guttural groan full of frustration.

I let out a disappointed whimper but he grips the back of my hair and makes me look at him while still moving my hips along his leg with his other hand making me grind against him. 

“Dinner.” He growls and pulses up making me gasp out my response.

“What?” 

“I have to have dinner at Erudite tonight and I want you with me.” 

The non-lust filled and the completely hormonal portion of my brain is blaring an alarm at the command posing as a question. I take a breath that has a moan in it because, oh fuck he is biting my lip now…

Eric brushes his nose against mine and lets out a sigh of my name. “Devi.” His lips brush against mine again briefly. “I am trying.” 

I barely make out his whispered words over the thudding of my own heart and panting but they hit something inside of me. “Yes.” I whimper out as he presses his forehead to mine. 

He presses his lips against my mouth and I feel them curl up into a smile when he does. It doesn’t bother me because I know that behind the cockiness of that smile is happiness. I can feel it in his kiss. I can feel it in his hands as they grip my hip and hair tighter. 

If I thought he had been taking me over the edge before I was wrong. Somehow my shorts have shifted so that only the damp scrap of my black silk underwear is between his bare thigh and my pussy, and they seem to melt away from our combined heat. 

I grip his shoulders and help his motions along as I feel a tightening in my spine that radiates to my toes, making them curl in my shoes. My body starts to shake and I feel his chest rumble with pleasure as my climax rushes through me and I cry out into his mouth.

I don’t know how long it takes me to come down from the high but we holds me locked in place, kissing me with my head cradled in his hands. When we finally come up for air it hits me what I’ve done out in the open for anyone to see and I flush in embarrassment and the start of a little bit of shame. 

“Do you really think I would allow that?” Eric demands of me softly after he takes my chin in his hands and makes me look at him after I hissed that thought out in a curse at him and tried to push away from him. “No one gets to see or hear you that way but me, little one.” He rasped out with his nostrils flaring and eyes darkened.

It’s then that I realize, not only did Eric position us far enough back in the alcove that no one would see us, but that he is also standing guard in front of me, completely shielding me from being seen. 

I nod a little then flush in pleasure when he tenderly starts to help me straighten up only to give a sharp gasp when he finishes by reaching out and pinching one of my hardened nipples straining against the material of my sleep top. I snap my eyes to his and am about to let him have it when I see he’s not even looking at me. He’s focused on where his finger was that he now has his hand covering. He groans and licks his lips then looks straight in my eyes and yanks my keys from the pocket of my shorts and pulls me along with him the short distance to my apartment. He gets the door open and me pushed in before I can think to protest at all, the door slamming behind us.

“Which one is yours?” His arms snakes around my waist. I point into the direction just before he lifts me in his arms so that my legs wrapped around my waist and our mouths crash together in a hungry kiss.

“I thought you said you didn’t have time for anything?” I panted once he released my mouth the kiss and pushed my door open with his foot.

“I’m making time to get a real taste of you, Devi.” He tosses me onto the bed and my body bounces up. He already yanked my shoes off, but they were barely on my feet, to begin with. Then he immediately moved his hands to my shorts, yanking them down before my back hit the bed again. 

He tosses them to the side without once taking his eyes off of me. I’ve heard the saying that someone was feasting their eyes on someone but never experienced before until now with Eric and had a feeling that his mouth was going to soon follow that expression.

Eric leans over me his hands pulling me closer to the edge while he brushes his lips down my body, starting from where my shirt is bunched up and exposing my stomach down until his nose brushes just above my swollen sex.

“So fucking perfect.” I feel him breathe the words against me. “Goddamn, you already smell addicting.” He lifts his head and looks at me as he pulls me until my ass is right at the edge of the bed. “Did you know you taste sweet with just a hint of spice? Fucking mouthwatering.” 

I can’t find a response to that as he sinks down to his knees and runs his fingernails up my legs slowly. I go into a full-body blush at his words and the way I’m so exposed right now. 

I’ve never been spoken to like that before or even during sex but the raw hunger in his words and eyes has me instantly moaning and trying to clench my thighs together.  

“Show me you want this, little one. Open up.” He commands me.

“I do want this, Eric,” I respond after only a second of hesitation but only open my legs a tiny amount.

“Then show me,” He challenges me with his words and that infuriating lifted eyebrow of his.

I bite my lower lip and decide to do one better than just opening my legs. Before I can really think about what I’m doing, I lift my feet so that each one is on either side of his head, resting on his shoulders. I even moved even further towards him so that my legs were spread wide open. I’m breathless by the time I stop moving and look at him with what I hope is a challenging return look, but I’m pretty sure my face is in flames at the moment.

His answer is licking his lips before they twist into a wicked grin. He grips my thighs and pulls me so that my ass comes off the bed and his breath is heavy on my swollen lips. 

“Now watch,” He growls before he lunges towards my center. 

My legs are trembling the instant he issues that command and it gets worse the second his tongue swipes up my folds in a teasing, tasting motion. I feel like I’m already going to break apart and I know he’s just getting started. It leaves me wondering what it's going to be like when we finally do fuck.

That’s the last sane thought I have as his mouth and tongue proceeds to devour me just like I thought he would. I tried not to look away from him but my eyes keep rolling up out of pleasure and long moans are torn from me.

Each time I lose eye contact with his eyes that are like blue daggers piercing into me, his fingers dig into the flesh of my thighs and he growls into my while shaking his head from side to side slightly. 

I curse him while trying not to beg him to make me come while those eyes shine with pleasure the entire time. He brings me to the edge twice, each time leaning back with a smug grin just before I’m about to explode. I know he wants me to beg and he won’t give in until I do. 

I hate him at this moment. I hate how much control he has over my body and me. But it seems to drive my desire for him even higher.  

“Por favor,”

I don’t know what makes him decide I’ve had enough torture. It could have been my broken and breathlessly whispered plea but something in his eyes soften before he leans back and nuzzles me before diving back in and the descent into madness truly begins.

His tongue vibrates against my clit as he slides one that quickly has a second joining it. It didn’t take me long to get to the edge again. I could feel it start with the tightening up and down my spine, making me arch off of the bed and grip the sheets tightly and crying out that I’m close. Eric lifts his head, turning to place a soft kiss on each of my thighs and raises up, while still moving his fingers inside of me, pumping into me with a bit more force and hooking them so that they rub right against my g spot.

He moves so smoothly, like liquid, until his mouth is hovering over mine and he never once stopped moving inside of me. “Devi,” His deep gruff voice vibrates from his lips to mine where they are brushing against each other. “Come.” 

And I do. So hard that I feel like it rushes out of me and coats his hand as I call out his name before he swallows that and the rest of my cries in a kiss that we linger over until it turns into a languid brushing of lips.

I’m still reeling from the hardest orgasm I’ve ever had and it takes me a second to realize that Eric stopped kissing me and moved away. I raise my head from the bed with a frown, half expecting that he’s leaving but see that he’s actually headed into my bathroom. A second later I hear water running then shuts off and he walks out with a washcloth in his hand. I raise up on my elbows in slight confusion then gasp and blush when he kneels down and gently runs the soft cloth over my thighs and sex. He chuckles and leans down to place a kiss right below my navel then helps me to slide my shorts back on.

When he stands up, he also takes my hand to help me sit up on the bed. Bringing me eye level with a very large bulge in his shorts, making me eye it and him hungrily again. I have a desire to return the favor but Eric has other plans when he bends down and picks up the underwear I was just wearing and puts them in his pocket with no shame while my mouth drops open in shock and my eyes snap to his. He smirks and shrugs at me in response.

“Call them a rain check voucher for that return favor you were just contemplating.” He sighs and helps me stand up. “Until then I guess another cold ass shower is in my future.” He grumbles more to himself than to me.

“Sorry, not sorry,” I sass him with a, hopefully, carefree shrug and smiling widely when I really I’m feeling as frustrated as he is right now despite having just come. He squeezes my hand quirks a smile as I walk him to the door. It isn’t until he has it open and is about to walk out of it that I remember what I was going to do before he stopped me and now I don’t have time for. “Dammit, I was going to get shit from the bakery and now I can’t!”

He looks over his shoulder at me with a shit-eating grin. “Sorry, not sorry.” He winks at me and laughs when I scowl and slam before the door of my apartment in his face. I hear him chuckling through the door and then calling out to me that he’ll see me soon.

I bite my bottom lip to stop a stupid grin from crossing my face and fail. I yell out for Sadie to wake up and rush to my bathroom, even more, determined to look my best for the day, especially since I have an unexpected dinner date with Eric.

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC Genre: BTS Mafia!AU Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Smut, Slow Burn WC: 3,117 Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

AO3 | WP

Chapter 16: Anpanman

"I’m not a superhero. Don’t expect too much from me."

Raelyn avoided Taehyung’s room for most of her shift.

It was no secret among her co-workers that she knew him. After all, he was always coming by the hospital when she was about to clock out for the day. It aggravated her that things were already starting to circulate around work; unwanted rumors because everyone wanted to gossip like a bunch of clucking hens in the chicken coop. This was the sort of mess she didn’t want to happen. This was the very reason why she didn’t make her relationship with Hoseok known to the people she worked with day in and day out.

When Taehyung was brought in by Jungkook and Jimin, the news traveled quickly to her. However, she refused to see him. She didn’t want to inquire about his condition and she certainly wasn’t about to go poking around his chart to see why he was even there. However, try as she might, Raelyn was unable to stuff rubber into her ears. She heard things she didn’t want to hear, resulting in her heart thudding heavily against her chest.

She was worried for a multitude of reasons. It wasn’t like she hated the Golden Jackals. They were her friends once upon a time; some still even were. But there were boundaries that needed to be set and every time she felt like she was about to escape from it, something came and turned her world completely upside down.

After he was fully checked in did Raelyn bother seeking out Jungkook and Jimin. They filled her in on the basics, not wanting to go into it. They respected her need for peace and privacy and she appreciated that. There was a part of her that would always worry for them, but she knew she had to keep her distance to a degree. Raelyn couldn’t involve herself too deeply. Not anymore. It would only cause her more problems and while things had been good with Hoseok, there were too many things she’d seen that left a lasting impression on her.

She couldn’t watch another person she cared about being ripped from her grasp – making her feel inept. Not again.

She was pulling another double. It couldn’t be helped. Another of her co-workers had a family emergency, swearing she would make it up to her for covering for her. Most people would complain, but it wasn’t like she had a family to go home to or any kind of pet to take care of. She could afford to be away from home for a day or two.

Raelyn sighed, grabbing a warm coffee from one of the vending machines in the break room. Her mind couldn’t help but go back to the night she was out with Eden. Yoo Kihyun’s face appeared in her mind and she frowned slightly, unsure of what to make of the entire situation. She couldn’t recall ever meeting him or any of the others of the Jade Fangs. She wasn’t good with names, but Raelyn was stellar when it came to faces.

So, how did he even know who I was? she thought, cracking the can open and taking a sip. We were only together for a little over a year.

Taking a sip, she slipped into one of the chairs at a long table. Had they kept tabs on her even after she ended things with Hoseok? It wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility, but it also seemed a little outlandish.

Hoseok made no bones about taking Raelyn around places. Back then, the Golden Jackals were just getting their names out on the streets. Gang wars were much more prevalent then and she got to see firsthand just how bloody their world was. Truly, it wasn’t like in the movies. She had no thoughts outside of the dangers of that world. Raelyn willingly went into that situation knowing what would happen. Promises were thrown and she believed them because she believed in Hoseok and the world he eventually wanted to be a part of forever. A world that didn’t involve having a target on his back.

It was something they were all striving for.

But it was too much. She tried to keep an open mind and she tried to maintain some level of positivity. Her work environment, however, wouldn’t allow for that sort of thing. As a registered nurse, her life was hard and while she loved her job, it was stressful. Hospital occupations weren’t for everyone. It took a toll on the mind and it took from the body. She could have left it all behind when things started to pick up for Hoseok and the Golden Jackals. The glitz and glam in those last months were experiences that most women didn’t get to have; not even in their entire lifetimes.

Raelyn, however, valued her freedom. She didn’t want to give up her job and her passion was always to help people. She couldn’t imagine herself walking away from that life, the life she worked so hard to call her own.

“Raelyn?”

Her eyes lifted towards the door and she saw her co-worker, Saeyeong, poking her head inside. Raelyn attempted a smirk as she set her can of coffee down.

“What’s up, Sae?”

“I’m glad I found you.” She paused, her brows furrowing slightly. “You’re not on break, are you?”

“Nah,” she replied easily, waving her hand back and forth, “just taking a breather. I was gonna hit the floor again in a few minutes.”

Relief covered her face and Saeyeong clapped her hands together. “Oh, good! Can you do me a favor and check on the patient in room 117?”

The smirk fell instantly from Raelyn’s face. “No.”

Saeyeong let out a pathetic mewling sound. “Please, Raelyn? I really have to go to the bathroom and I’m about to go on break in ten minutes.” She held her hands together like she was saying a prayer. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise! I’m not even going to be gone for the full hour. I’ll be back in thirty minutes to take over.”

Raelyn sighed, draining the can of coffee and throwing it into the trash. “Fine,” she said, making her way toward the door.

The girl hugged her, thanking her again, before running off to make a beeline for the restroom. Eyeing her watch, she sighed again and started heading toward the room she was currently designated over for the next thirty minutes. Raelyn pulled the chart off the wall just beside the door, knocked twice and announced herself before entering.

Taehyung, bandaged and braced, was propped up in the hospital bed. A table tray was in his lap where a laptop computer was propped. The television was off even though the remote was right beside the computer. He probably didn’t want to watch anything on TV after channel surfing. He clicked away on the keys, looking up as she walked inside – pressing his chart against her hip as the door shut behind her.

He flashed his trademark boxy smile and Raelyn rolled her eyes.

“Hey there, Rae Noona,” he greeted, lifting his one good arm up to wave to her. The other was in a sling.

“Don’t talk to me,” she said, a deadpan expression over her face, “you still owe me for my unannounced house call.”

He pouted. “Oh, come on, you know I’m good for it.” He closed the laptop. “Besides, I even made an appointment this time. See?” Taehyung gave a wide gesture with his good arm.

“Coming in all busted up is hardly what I’d call an appointment,” she said, looking over his chart, “in fact, I’m pretty sure that it’s still considered showing up unannounced.”

Taehyung huffed like a child, brushing some of his hair off his forehead. Raelyn ignored his sad attempt at a tantrum and scanned over the paperwork. According to the chart, he had one broken rib, a fractured arm, several contusions and slight internal bleeding. The patchwork done on him had been swift and the other nurses said that he’d clearly been in some sort of fight; a fight where he got his ass kicked from one side of the room to the other. Taehyung was certainly no pushover. He took a knife to the gut and practically shrugged it off when she fixed him up a few days ago.

He let someone do this to him, she deduced while turning another page.

She recalled Jimin’s hands were slightly swollen and Jungkook had no injuries of his own. It meant that Jimin had clearly been the one to administer the beating. There was a good chance that Taehyung deserved it, but the look on their faces was proof that it was something they weren’t too thrilled about.

Raelyn looked at Taehyung, his child-like pout still plastered over his face. Just what the hell did you do that you got punished?

It had to have been something serious if Hoseok issued for punishment to be placed on one of his top-tier men.

“What?”

She let the pages flutter against his chart as she set it down on a nearby table. “You look like shit.”

His eyes went wide, his mouth falling open. Blinking at her like a goldfish, he closed his mouth and opened it again until a sound of outright disbelief spilled from him.

“Wow, your bedside manner really is terrible!”

Raelyn went to the ECG to double check his vitals. She then began checking his IV and various other tubes so that the medicine being administered was the right dosage. Pulling out a blood pressure cuff from one of the pouches hanging from the ECG monitor, she motioned for him to hold his good arm out so she could check his blood pressure. After a few minutes, she looked and scribbled down his new vitals before slipping the cuff off his arm. Then she moved to undo his hospital gown so she could check on the brace he wore around his waist.

“I’m just honest.”

“No, you’re just mean. Aren’t nurses trained in being comforting and supportive? Give me some reassurance here.”

“I’m not in the business of telling lies.” Rolling her eyes, she scoffed. “Besides, you don’t need comforting. You needed this ass beating, one hundred percent.”

Taehyung gave a half scoff, half laugh. “You’re the worst.”

“And you owe me money.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. She could see the playful deviousness leaving Taehyung’s face and she saw it change to a serious expression. It surprised her, causing her spine to lock up for a moment. While she’d seen that look before, it was a look she didn’t see very often. Not from him, at least.

“I heard you were in Myeongdong, Noona.”

Her brows lifted slightly. Then they furrowed as her eyes narrowed. “Yeah? What of it?”

“Why would you go there?”

“A girl can’t go shopping?”

“Sure,” he said with a shrug, “but you’re not just any girl , Noona.”

Tossing the clipboard angrily onto the nearby table, she rounded on him. “Oh yeah?” Her tone was borderline seething.

“Yeah, you’re Hoseok Hyung’s ex-girlfriend.” He said it like he’d just swallowed a spoonful of bitter medicine.

“Ex -girlfriend,” Raelyn said through clenched teeth, “as in we’re not together anymore.”

Taehyung’s brows knit together. “That doesn’t matter, you should know that. Our world doesn’t care about that shit.”

“Well, it needs to! I have nothing to do with that circuit anymore, Taehyung!”

His eyes narrowed. “Then you should have done a better job of running from it. You should have cut us out of your life completely.” Taehyung shifted so he could sit up better. “You could have ignored us after you broke up with Hoseok Hyung. Why did you stay friends with us if you wanted to get out?”

“That’s—”

“If you’d done a better job of wiping us out from your existence, then maybe you’d be just like any girl instead of the girl.”

“So what? I’m supposed to just pretend that I don’t give a damn?” she snapped, feeling her heartbeat thundering across her chest.

“You value your freedom so damn much, then yeah, you should have.”

Anger flashed across his eyes, making Raelyn clench her jaw.

“Don’t.”

“You chose to stay connected to us. You broke up with Hoseok Hyung, but you didn’t push the rest of us away.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“Kim Taehyung…”

“You should have done a better job of telling us to fuck right the hell off!”

Raelyn’s hand went up and she had to stop herself. Her body vibrated from the willpower she mustered to keep her hand from swinging down across his face. A few breaths pushed from her lungs and she slowly brought her arm down, taking another breath to collect herself completely.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?”

Her heart immediately jumped to her throat and they both turned to look at the door. A tall, slim man wearing a pin-striped suit was now inside the room with them. He had bubblegum pink hair and was holding a vase full of flowers in one arm and a “Get Well Soon” balloon in his other hand. He wore hazel contact lenses and his full lips were slightly pursed together in a semi-confused pout.

“Hyungwon Hyung,” Taehyung said, shifting uncomfortably in the bed and Raelyn instinctively took a step back away from the person, “what are you doing here?” He paused, tilting his head as he looked through the window and saw that there was no one else there. “Better question: how are you even here?”

The man smirked, setting the vase down on the table. “Would you believe me if I told you I snuck in?”

Taehyung frowned. “Hell no.”

Hyungwon shrugged, holding the balloon out to Raelyn. She reached for it unconsciously, holding the plastic ribbon in her hand.

“It was worth a shot.”

“Excuse me,” she finally cut in, eyeballing Hyungwon. He turned to face her, surmising her just as much as she was him. “Who are you?”

He bowed his head politely toward her. “Chae Hyungwon,” he introduced, rising to his full height, “I’m a friend of Taehyung-ah’s.”

“Friend, my ass,” he said, causing both Raelyn and Hyungwon to look at him, “we stopped being friends when you became the Jade Fang’s Snapping Turtle.”

Raelyn whipped her head around to look at Hyungwon, taking another step back. Taehyung asked the right question. Just how had he gotten there? Last time she checked, Gangnam was still Golden Jackal territory. He didn’t have any business being there.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Raelyn said evenly, “you’re not supposed to be here.”

“Relax,” came Hyungwon’s soothing voice as he held a hand up, “I promise that I have permission to be here.” He turned to look at Taehyung. “From both of our bosses.”

Blinking rapidly, Raelyn couldn’t hide her surprise. Hoseok allowed a rival gang member to come into his territory without an escort?

She looked at Taehyung and saw that he must have been thinking the same thing she was. Now her curiosity was screaming at her. Just what in the world was happening? When she last was deeply involved with their world, the Jade Fangs weren’t exactly on good terms.

Had something changed?

“Anyway, I just wanted to come by and check on an old friend.” Hyungwon’s voice cut through Raelyn’s thoughts, bringing her back to the current situation.

Taehyung scoffed. “You came alone?”

He brushed his fingers through his pink hair, his smirk remaining on his face as he did so. “I told my boys to wait outside. I didn’t want them causing a disturbance.” Hyungwon’s eyes shifted to Raelyn and she swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “This is a place of healing, after all.”

One of Raelyn’s hands curled into a fist.

“Besides,” he continued, looking back at Taehyung, “I wanted to come by and tell you to keep your nose clean. You were always a troublemaker, Taehyung-ah, but running around in someone else’s backyard without permission is a big no-no.” He waggled his finger, issuing several tsk’s in the process. “You know better.”

“Shut-up,” Taehyung snapped, his lip curling into a half snarl, “pretty soon none of that shit is gonna matter anyway and you know it. So just mind your own damn business.”

Hyungwon laughed, as if he’d just heard a very funny joke. Raelyn could only blink in mild shock. Just who the hell was this guy for him to laugh that way to a warning being issued against him?

“So close to your goals and you decide to get reckless? That’s just not like you. Not at all.” Hyungwon’s laughter eased off as he looked back at Raelyn, bowing his head politely again. “I’ll see myself out. Have a goodnight.” When he straightened his posture, his eyes moved to fall on Taehyung. “Behave yourself until your dreams come true, Taehyung-ah.”

Before Raelyn could demand for anymore answers, Hyungwon was already turning around and heading out the door. When the door finally closed, she craned her neck to look at Taehyung. His ECG monitor was beeping faster than normal and while the medical professional in her wanted to soothe him, to calm him down, she found that she was unable to find her voice at that specific moment.

Silence filled the room. She was processing what just happened and she could only assume that Taehyung was doing the same. When she was able to formulate the question in her mind, she reached for his chart and held it against her chest.

“…what did he mean by that?” He didn’t answer and Raelyn tried to rein her patience in. “Are you guys finally close? Is it going to happen soon?”

Taehyung looked at her and for a long moment, he didn’t say anything. All he did was look at her with a slightly pained expression painted over his face. After a moment, he sighed while shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, Noona, but could I be alone?”

She wanted to protest; to demand answers. But she also knew it wasn’t her place and she didn’t have that kind of authority over him. Not anymore.

“Get some rest, Taehyung. I’ll be back to check on you later.”

Raelyn slipped out of the room and was finally able to breathe easier. Her back pressed against the door and she slowly let the back of her head rest along the surface. Every single thought that raced through her brain was zipping around a mile a minute. Was it happening at last? Had Hoseok managed to achieve the promise that he continuously made to her when they were still together?

Is it…finally going to be over?

[clonerightsagenda]

This was last minute but I'm a grad student so I was mostly drafting from life anyway. You can tell I was losing steam by the end though. All the library details are from my uni library, although I have never seen any dead Union soldiers, or any other ghosts for that matter. The creepy grad cages are my favorite part of giving tours.

 tuesjade prompt: school

The third floor of the library is so quiet every keystroke echoes. Last time you heard someone walking through, it was the security guard on their hourly late night round. You picked this spot for its isolation.

The door leading out into the central stacks creaks open, and you listen for the student's footsteps passing by. Instead, the curtain between your carrel and the stacks twitches back, and you squint out to see Jade waving at you from the other side of the grating. "I like your shower curtain."

"You would. School mascots are just anthro with a veneer of plausible deniability.”

You don't mention that the curtain is on your side of the door, which means she's pulled it backward (and tied it up with businesslike lashwork) with Space powers instead of with her hands. There's no one else in here, and the security cameras can't pick up that level of fine detail.

"Don't science students have their own library?" you ask. Wait shit, it sounds like you're trying to get rid of her. Which you're not, exactly, although if you wanted company you'd be doing research in your apartment. Still, when it comes to people it's safe to be rude to, even after all these years Jade Harley doesn't make your list.

If she takes offense, she doesn't say so. "They do, but a few of my theoretical readings have mentioned Foucault, and I think I've gone as long as I can pretending I know who that is."

"Yeah, you'll get random Foucault encounters in unexpected disciplines. If it's not him it's Derrida popping out of the tall grass of the lit review. Philosophers were never meant to escape."

"You would know." She glances at the shelves nearby. This section is materials so old they're still in Dewey instead of Library of Congress - another reason you preferred the spot. No one needs this stuff. "How many libraries do all your programs fit into?"

"A couple, but this is the best one." You've got a pretty good setup here, if you say so yourself. Books stacked up on the makeshift shelving unit, your own modem wired into the wall to make up for the library's spotty wifi, and a mini microwave tucked under your feet. Home away from home. "None of the others let you rent carrels."

"Is that what they're called? They look more like spooky library jail cells."

"Some undergrads passed through a few hours ago while I was typing and I heard one whisper, ‘I think there's a graduate student in there.’ They screamed and ran when I sneezed."

She giggles. "They thought you were a ghoooost."

"If anywhere on campus were haunted, this would be it." The third floor stacks are perpetually poorly lit. Thanks to later additions to a library building only Escher could love, the arched windows on the far wall open to nothing but brick. In Roxy's words, "it’s where you go to get some serious ass studying done or to share a hip flask with a Civil War ghost.”

"Actually, I asked Aradia, and she said it's clean. The chancellor's house, on the other hand, definitely registers as harboring some kind of otherworldly presence. We haven't determined whether it's the chancellor yet."

"Take a look at some of the desks and tell me this place isn't possessed by demonic energies." Graffiti springs up faster than the staff can afford to replace furniture, and when the wooden desks are too choked with pen doodles and carved Greek letters, people move to the walls. If they're not sharing their phone numbers, they're swapping insults with rival frats. You take anthropological interest in this detritus, although one time you'd tried to decipher a Sharpie scribble, made out "We fucked here ;)", and speedily left the seat.

"Rose says the building appeals to your Gothic sensibilities."

"If she compares me to Lord Byron, tell her those are fighting words."

Jade peers in, and you make a halfhearted effort to push the clutter of Monster cans and energy bar wrappers out of her line of sight. "How long have you been in there?"

You stretch your legs as far as they can go, which isn’t far. "I can still feel my feet, and if I have circulation that means it's been under ten hours."

She purses her lips. "Dirk..."

You gesture toward your open PDF files. Several are still waiting for you to review their footnotes. "This dissertation isn't going to write itself."

"It won't write itself if you're dead either."

"Overwork is neither Heroic nor Just."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm confident on a philosophical basis."

She shakes her head. "I know I'm up a little late too. I had a night class on campus, and then I had a bunch of grading to do… You know how I lose track of time when I'm working sometimes." When you'd all lived together, both of you would get lost in projects and miss meals, only noticing the time when someone showed up to drag you out of your room. Jade had started setting timers for herself. She recommended the habit, but you hated having a buzzer interrupt your thoughts. Things take the time they take.

"I've heard rumors about your grading." You may not have a vibrant social network, but you keep your ear to the ground on social media. There's a waiting list for section 4 of Physics 1000. If you weren't long past gen ed credit requirements, you'd take it yourself. "Everyone thinks you'll be a soft touch."

You couldn’t teach. It still takes effort for you to spit out “Good job” to a friend. Your brain, conditioned by years of self-criticism, jumps over congratulations to what’s next and what they could do better. If a three-year-old presented you with their fingerpainting, your first reaction would probably be to tell them to wash their hands. No one deserves to be subjected to that. Isn’t Dave living proof?

“They have to learn,” Jade says. She doesn’t love it when people can’t keep up either, but she, unlike you, has historically been able to slow down and let them catch up without beating the lesson into them. "I let anyone who wants come into office hours. We'll walk through the concepts together and then they can resubmit. It's not my fault if they don't want to try. But anyway, I don't make a habit of all-nighters.” There she goes, picking the thread of the conversation back up again. She’s always been good at that, no matter how much people try to dodge. “They're not good for you. So how about once I finish looking up whoever this very important French guy is, I take you home?"

"Isn't that out of your way?"

She snaps her fingers. "The teleportation express runs 24/7 and omnidirectionally."

"Shit, I should have asked you for a ride here. On the shuttle I got stuck between some guy dumping his date over the phone and an octogenarian professor who might've died while we were in traffic."

"Ask me any time. I'm glad I ran into you tonight though, and not just to rescue you from dying in the depths of Web of Science. Jane wanted me to pass on that your resolution for the graduate assembly got voted down."

"Another one for the garbage, huh?" You click out of the open PDFs and drag them into your 'To process' folder. As much as you’ll never admit it, your blood pressure drops along with the number of tabs open. "I've given them the opportunity to be relevant on this campus, but if they want to keep kissing the administration's ass, that's their business."

"It's hard to challenge the people giving you funding. I'm writing grant applications for the lab this semester, believe me, I know."

Money. That’s an aspect of civilization you hadn’t missed growing up in its waterlogged ruins. For an institution allegedly devoted to higher knowledge, this place is obsessed with it.

"Speaking of which,” Jade continues, “Jane also said if you try anything else the board might pass a new resolution to stop letting you submit resolutions."

You snap your laptop shut. "This is homophobia."

She snorts. "I won't be long, I just need to track down a selected works book. Then I'll come back and we can get out of here."

" I can't be held responsible for any losses to scholarship." You stand up and stretch. Something in your back pops, and your head swims. Ok, maybe you've been sitting here too long.

"I'll take the blame from the academy. Just get tidied up while you're waiting." She looks critically at your collection of Monster cans. "You can recycle those, you know."

By the time Jade gets back with a thick-spined book on philosophy, you’re out of your carrel and have brushed most of the crumbs off yourself. The recyclables have been scooped up and dumped into your backpack’s outer pocket. It’ll be a sticky mess later. “Are you ready to go?” she asks

“Sure.” It’s not even one, which makes this the earliest you’ve gotten home all week. You’re struck by an impulse to yawn and almost crack your jaw resisting it. For fuck’s sake, it’s only November. You’re not allowed to get tired until March at the earliest.

Everything flashes green, and before you have time to rub your eyes, you’re standing outside your front door. Part of you expects to walk through together, but you don’t all live under the same roof anymore. Growing older changes things, even for gods.

“You’re coming to the group dinner next weekend, right?” she asks.

You dig in your pocket for your key. There must be some sort of interdimensional portal in there, it’s fucking ridiculous. Roxy probably knows about eldritch creatures that eat housekeys, that’s got to be within the Void’s purview. “It’s at Jane’s place this time, right?”

“It was the last time I checked.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Then I’ll see you later. Have a good night!” She waves and vanishes before you have time to reply. So instead you turn around, stick the key in the lock, and step inside.

 (Dirk would be one of those zombified PhD candidates who you can find obsessively scrolling through 50-year-old dissertations on microfilm at 3 am. He IS the library ghost. He doesn't attend any committee meetings because he's overscheduled but he does send proxies with detailed questions/comments/concerns for every agenda item. If they knew what he looked like, the other committee members would probably kill him on sight.)

[djrelentless]

“A Step Over The Line”

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2015

Imagine you have a job and suddenly a major change happens. You’ve got bills to pay and need to eat. The place you work has two owners but they have decided to go their seperate ways. One owner has convinced most of the staff to leave with him. The other is coming back into a business that he has not had a hand in for almost a year. There are accusations and rumors flying around the community about the owner who is coming back. You have a history of not getting a long with the owner who is coming back. What would you do? Would you quit or would you try to keep your job?If you live in Toronto right now, it is hard not to hear about the struggle over one of Church Street’s landmark establishments. Of course I am talking about Crews & Tangos. Many things are being said and rumored. It seems that customers, staff and even ex-staff are being forced to take sides in a personal war between the couple who re-opened the venue in 2010.In the weeks leading up to October 21st, 2015 announcements were made saying that Paras Prashad was returning to run the business. Not many other details were given, but as soon as his return became common knowledge a line was drawn in the sand. Some employees immediately said they were leaving. Others were offered jobs elsewhere. The funny thing is that in the midst of all these announcements and declarations, I was not told very much except “Not to worry”. I reached out to the owner who announced that Paras was returning but never really got any straight answers or returned calls. So, while everyone else was being offered jobs or deciding to leave, I just watched. As the 21st grew closer, I decided to write both owners to say that I wanted to stay at Crews. I had been there since the re-opening and I have always been loyal to it. Realizing that Crews & Tangos is an institution and very established I figured I would take my chances and see what Paras was going to do with the club. Plus...I couldn’t think of any other establishment that could offer as many jobs and spaces as Crews & Tangos. So, to me it seemed logical to stay put.I, like many of the employees, had numerous occasions where I had disagreements and even arguments with Paras. I mean...who really likes their boss? Most people usually say that they hate their boss. That’s normal. I have been in the bar business as a DJ, drag performer and even a manager a while ago back in St. Petersburg, Florida and I actually find it best not to get too personal or close to your employer(s). This just keeps your relationship professional and those lines don’t get blurred so easy.But you know....every now and then life takes many twists and turns. And sometimes you need to ask for help. After losing a weekly DJ gig, finances were low and my husband and I were struggling. I went to the other owner and ask to borrow $100 to tide us over until I could make a trip back to NYC for a couple of important gigs. This trip was also important to my recent “permanent resident” status. The other owner handed me $300 and I said “I only needed the hundred.” He insisted and said that “You might need it....don’t worry about, pay it back when you can.” Definitely a nice jesture as an employer (or so I thought). Around 12:38 AM on October 22nd, the other owner came to the DJ booth for the main stage at Crews and took the microphone to announce that he would have Paras out of the building in ten days and that Crews would be under his control again (after telling the patrons not to videotape him or post anything online). Then he proceeded to go into the dressing room and birate Lady G. (one of the few drag queens who were brave enough to come perform after Paras took over the venue). I stuck my head into the dressing room to give Kitanya Kelly her CD back just in time for the other owner to use me for a testimony for the money he lent me to give an example to Lady G. of how he helps his employees. It was at that moment that I realized that he had tried to buy my loyalty. Then after Paras asked me about helping with the bookings, suddenly the other owner became really concerned with getting his money back and sent me several texts demanding that I pay him his money by that Monday (October 26th). I texted him back that I could bring it to him right then. After all I had tried to pay him half of it on October 17th in the AM hours as Crews was closing, but he said “Don’t worry about it.” And the weird thing was his text seemed like he had been listening to everything that was being said in the office of the bar.  

Now...you are probably wondering why I am giving such details about the turn of events. Well, after the 21st of October, my name....my husband’s name both have been dragged through the mud. I had to stop reading the posts on facebook. I was called everything under the sun except a child of God. Why? Because I stayed put. I decided to stay where I was employed. I decided to stay where I have built my following. And although some DJs and drag performers look down on Crews & Tangos, I think it is the perfect place to go hangout. A lot of the LGBT history is wrapped up in that building. From the legendary performers who graced that stage to all the DJs who have played there. There’s always something going on and something to do at Crews. I was looking at a blog I wrote back in 2010 thanking both owners for giving me the opportunity to do what I love....DJ and perform. Crews & Tangos has been a big part of my branding for DJ Relentless and Jade Elektra in Toronto.So, after the night I had November 6th, 2015 I felt I needed to set the record straight. I don’t normally address rumors because everything that anyone would like to know about me is already out there for the world to see. I’m HIV+ and very out about that (as well as my husband). I am very vocal about the HIV+ Community and try to stand up for what is right. My husband and I do an event every month to support this community. We feel it is important to show others that there is no shame in being HIV+ (even though some are shamed and have had their lives hi-jacked because someone outs them publicly).On November 6th, the other owner came into my DJ booth in the Zone while I had a packed floor and threatened me. He told me that he would ruin me and I would never work in this town again. All because for the last couple of weeks I have booked guest DJs in Tangos. I felt that it would be a good move to open that night up to different sounds and highlight some of the talent right here in Toronto. You see, Paras asked me to help him organize the schedule for the drag shows since most of the performers had decided to leave. Being out of the loop for the past year or so, he wasn’t really informed about a lot of the new performers on the scene. And with a lot of the rheteric on the streets, it became really clear that he had to be careful who he put on that stage. In fact, the first week was full of discoveries of who was really loyal to the bar and who was there just for the money or to bring the venue down. Well, the drag schedule led into what to do about the Friday nights in Tangos. So, I said I would help with that as well. I really didn’t want to get into the fight that was going on, but when you work for a place and you notice that it is being attacked you can’t help but want to defend it and help keep it open. And trust me....there are forces that want to take Crews & Tangos down as long as Paras is in charge of it.And I know it sounds funny saying “being attacked” or using terms like “war”, but honestly.....Crews & Tangos is under attack. Why? Well, from what I can see it has to do with a court order that said that Paras is in charge of the business. How did that happen? Again...from paperwork that I have seen personally - the other owner got a few infractions involving the business in a very short time while he was running it alone. This is a fact that is not being circulated. Instead, rumors of buying the building and kicking Paras out are floating around. I have had customers ask me on the street if the bar was closed. I have heard at dinner parties that the place has been for sale for a couple of years. But I think the most horrible thing I have heard is that the other owner is running around telling anyone who will listen that Paras is HIV+. Whether he is or not is actually not anyone’s business at all. I say...unless you are about to have sex with someone that information has nothing to do with anything else. It was this rumor that made me pause and re-think my alliances. What kind of person would do such a thing? I am very protective of anyone’s privacy about their health status. Disclosure is very important and it is the law when it comes to having sex. Disclosure to defame or humiliate someone is definitely despicable. Throughout all these attacks, I have encouraged all of the employees of Crews & Tangos to not to fall into the trap of responding. The other owner and the employees that left have been very publicly vocal about their “dislike” for anyone who works at Crews. From posting things like our drag performers are in their “leftover shows” and that they are “second rate” to the owner coming in and taking video of our stage and posting disparaging remarks, we have not responded. We have tried to take the high road and let them role in the gutter. It is really sad to me that the co-workers that I still considered friends now turn on their heels when they see me walking down the street and avoid me. And even worst is the fact that customers are being dragged into this as well. Some are torn on whether to be seen going into Crews & Tangos without being criticized by the other owner or former employees. I have even seen comments on facebook from people like former promoters that I have worked with joking about how Crews has gone down the tubes.

On October 23rd (which was a Friday) a couple of old employees came into Crews with the intent of causing problems by throwing cups at a performer while on stage and harassing one of our bartenders by chanting “You smell like shit!” at his bar. I really thought we were all better than this. In the long run....what does this all accomplish? Has it shut the doors of Crews? Did the shows stop at Crews? Did the two dance floors empty? No. Why? Because Crews & Tangos is a part of this community and if I have anything to do with it it will continue to be. I decided to stay at Crews & Tangos to help change the landscape of what a bar or club can be. I want to help create a space where we nurture new talents.....drag performers, live singers, DJs and anyone who wants to be a part of making Toronto LGBT History. Even if the building is sold or if the doors closed today, I have been a part of that history and no one can change that. I have been a DJ in the second oldest gay bar in America, The Cedar Brook Inn. I have been a DJ, performer and hostess at the historic Stonewall in Greenwich Village (NY). I was a part of one of the longest running Urban based Tea Dances that ran for 13 years at Escuelita in New York City. Since I have been in Toronto, I have made it a priority to give back to the community on a monthly basis by producing events for the HIV+ Community and fundraising for organizations like PWA, ACT, BlackCAP, Supporting Our Youth and OutNPoz. I have marched for Gay Rights. I have fought against racism in the Gay Community. Why? Because I believe we all should be trying to make a difference in our world. So, to those who want to bring my name and reputation down.....I welcome you to. Because in the end, I am fighting the good fight for what is right. This is no longer a fight between two ex-lovers over a bar. This is about Toronto’s history and nightlife. The Gay Village is not getting any bigger. After losing The Barn (to a similar situation of owners fighting over the bar), the LGBT Community of Toronto has lost another venue. I am not about to sit around and let that happen again. Toronto is my new home and there is room for all of us. And I see an opportunity to build bridges for our performers and DJs to the rest of the world. I want to help make Toronto a destination for LGBT people to come visit and want to live here. The beauty of Toronto is that its LGBT Community isn’t as big as some cities like New York City or San Francisco, but when it comes to supporting each other we are big enough to do that. So, to all the bar owners, promoters and patrons.....it’s time that we make sure Church Street is still our place. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into not supporting our venues. Go enjoy yourself wherever you like. Even though some say that the phone apps have replaced social lives and communication, the “gay bar” is still the nighttime community centers where we feel safe and can still let our hair down. Don’t let anyone terrorize you or scare you into not going to the places where you have built relationships and roots.