#i feel like we never talk about 127 ships

[misswoozi]

Taeyong would never top, however he will power bottom when hes really stressed and he absolutely goes to Doyoung for this 🎮

THIS IS A VERY INTERESTING RESPONSE, OP

[damn-stark]

Chapter 4 Snow on the beach

Chapter 4 of Moonlight

A/N- last full Cregan chapter, now onto Aemond, let’s see if he can beat Lord Stark

Warning- Swearing, ANGST, FLUFF!, Talks of blood and death, suggestive nfsw, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader, Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode- Before 1x08

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

*127 AC*

“…we’re hoping for a girl, so if the gods are generous you will have that sister you always wanted, wouldn’t that be great?

Daemon also hopes for the babe to be a girl. He said maybe you could choose a name, would you like that? I think it’s a marvelous idea, please write your ideas.”

A girl? Your mother is hoping for a girl again?

Maybe it’s because you’re far away from her and you haven't seen her in four years, but the idea of her having another daughter besides you makes you feel bitter with jealousy.

Is that cruel to feel?

“Anyway, I’m glad you have made friends with Lady Arra, I hate the thought of you being alone so far away. Tell me is she kind? It’s okay to admit if she’s rude and a bitch—”

You snicker softly at your mother's words regardless of your previous feelings.

“—it’ll stay between us. But if you don’t feel comfortable telling your mother then tell your cousins or your brothers. They won’t tell, trust me, Jacaerys never wants to show me what you write to each other now, but, it makes me glad that you share a bond regardless of distance. I know he misses you as I do, my Sweet.

I love you so much.

Love always, your mother, Rhaenyra.”

You put the letter down on the desk and simply smile softly. You don’t cry anymore when you read her letters.

The first two years that's all you could do, cry as you read what your mother, grandmother, brothers, and even what your cousins wrote. You just longed to be by their side again, you missed them terribly. But when your rendezvous with Cregan changed to secret forbidden romantic nights, you stopped crying at night and when you read the letters from home.

Now albeit you feel like starting crying again. Is it stupid to feel jealous about her having another daughter? Is it foolish to feel like you’ll be replaced?

You’re so far away, and you’ll always be far away because of your marriage to Aemond, so having another daughter will cure that longing to have you with her. Having another daughter also means she’ll replace you because it’s a daughter shared with the man she’s in love with, not someone she married out of political gain, not someone who had different preferences. She’ll be the apple of your mother's eye, of their eye—

No! No, it’s stupid, you’re being stupid. Your mother loves you, she’ll never do such a terrible thing.

Albeit…before, when she was with Ser Harwin hoping for another girl you didn't fill you with jealousy then because at least you had your father; he wasn’t always available, but he was there, he loved you too. He’s gone now though, so if she does replace you you’ll have no one.

——

*4 FEW YEARS BACK*

“All right, now…” he trails off and glances around the ship, you follow his line of gaze to see what he’d point to, but he then turns around and points at something else completely. “…that. What do we call that and what’s its use?”

You squint your eyes on the large spar that extends forward from the ship's vessel prow and think back to what he and Ser Qarl have taught you whilst on your way to Dragonstone.

Out of all the things you’ve learned, it takes time to come up with the answer right away, but it then comes to mind. “It’s the bowsprit!” You clap with excitement. “And it prevents the ship from…uh, being submerged in water when the waters are rough!”

“Yes!” Your father exclaims. “Yes! Good job.”

You skip forward and then speak to Ser Qarl. “I’ve thought of a scenario, all right, Ser Qarl.”

Said man leans his arm against a barrel and scoffs in amusement before he softly throws his chin up to gesture you to share what he asked of you a while ago. Something you thought of with a lot of precaution.

“I’m on deck, and then whoa, I get attacked,” you tell him as you clasp your hands back and walk towards the quarter-deck. “Pirates are coming on the ship, my crew is getting hurt, so then I run forward, use my blade to cut the main yard, and swing across the deck to save them, and myself.” You finish proudly and spin around to face both men with a smile. “Huh? Is that good?”

Ser Qarl and your father share a glance and break into a chuckle, making your smile falter. They think it’s stupid, don’t they?

You knew it! It’s too dramatic and childish.

“That’s…” your father clears his throat and walks over to you to wrap his arm around your shoulders. “That’s a great plan, darling, well thought out.”

You look up at him with uncertainty and probe. “Really?”

He shoots you a grin and nods. “Yes, really.”

“You’ll make a fine sailor,” Ser Qarl compliments. “Probably one better than your father.”

You're quick to please so once again you can’t help but bring back your smile to your features.

“Yes,” your father agrees. “You will. You’ll make a legendary sailor.”

——

*NOW*

“See! That’s how you do it!” Cregan exclaims and flashes a smile as he admires how the arrow impales exactly at the center of the makeshift target. “Let’s see you best that.”

What if he wants to replace you, Prince Daemon?

He has daughters, but those are his own, what if for some reason he just wants to replace you?

Cregan calls your name, but you don't answer or look his way. Instead, you stay lost in your mind and think that it’s unbelievable that your mother would want to replace you. She loves you, all of you, in fact, she was often advised that she not be so affectionate towards any of you, especially towards your brothers, so she wouldn’t just replace you.

No?

Cregan calls for you again and this time touches your shoulder, snapping you from your messy thoughts raveld in your brain.

“Yes?” You query and meet his curious grey eyes.

Cregan blinks and then points at the target with his eyes. “It’s your turn darling,” he says and quickly looks back at you to study you.

Albeit before he catches anything, you pick up your bow and an arrow to then go stand where Cregan was. You exhale softly to try and forget what you were thinking of while you shift your feet and lift your arms. You get the arrow in position and get ready to shoot it, but hands then fall on your arms, making your breath catch and your gaze drift to the corner of your eyes to look at Cregan behind you.

“Relax your bow arm,” he advises softly as he holds your gaze the entire time.

You can’t help but smile and stare at his lips.

“You did hear me?” He asks.

You relax your bow arm like he said and nod.

“Just making sure. You’re not looking at me in the eyes,” he teases.

You laugh softly and slowly meet his gaze with a playful smirk. He snickers and then steals a quick peck from your lips before he stands back.

You flash him a giddy grin before you look back at the makeshift target and draw out a soft exhale again before letting the arrow fly.

Albeit the arrow whizzes past the target clung onto a thin tree.

“I see,” Cregan stifles his laugh and crosses his arms over his chest. “That was terrible.”

You sigh and lower your arm to stand back without meeting his gaze—your mind is just too lost.

“Your teacher must not be so good, you missed the target. You’re usually good,” he continues to tease.

You drop your arms and huff. “The tree is too thin,” you throw out the first complaint that comes to mind.

“The target isn’t the problem,” Cregan points out honestly. “When we go hunting the prey is moving. At battle, the target is moving as well. This. this is easy.”

“I won’t use a bow and arrow,” you remark and briefly meet his gaze. “I’ll have a sword in battle, and Astraea.”

Since you glance up as if you could see Astraea overhead you miss the way Cregan watches you and sees right through your troubled mind right away.

“The target isn’t the problem,” he repeats and leans his equipment against the tree behind him to approach you. “What’s wrong? What troubles you?” He asks softly and takes the stuff from your hands to put it by his.

You know you’ll sound like a total whiner, a spoiled brat most likely. He’s more humble than most of the people at Kings Landing, so he probably won’t agree, but all these thoughts are overflowing your mind and they’re beginning to drown you, you can’t hold back anymore. Besides he is your best friend, and your…paramour? Partner?

No that sounds too official, you aren’t. Paramour sounds right—he’s your secret paramour. He should know what troubles you.

“It’s,” you begin to share and sigh deeply. “It’s my mother. She’s with child again.”

He hums and just like you predicted he responds nicely which contradicts your frown and gleaming eyes. “That’s great news, I’m happy for you….” He trails off as he notices your reaction and backtracks. “Is it not great news?”

You mindlessly grab the pendant your grandmother had given you and mutter. “They’re hoping for a girl, again. Aegon came out as a boy so they’re hoping for a girl this time…to replace me.”

Cregan sighs and shakes his head as he looks at you as if you’re mad. “What? Darling, why would you think that?”

Tears fall out of your eyes as you’re overwhelmed with sorrow you can’t surpass. “Because,” your voice quivers. You can’t even look at Cregan in the eyes or else you’ll just feel a worse anguish in your heart. “Unlike Aegon and this new baby, they’ll have soon, I wasn’t made out of love. My parents had a duty to commit, not Prince Daemon and my mother. They love each other, their kids are made out of love. She wants to replace me with a daughter she wasn’t forced to have. A different daughter that…” you trail off and shake your head whilst you wipe the tears that manage to break out. “…that’s not like me.”

Cregan sighs softly and closes the gap between the two of you with an embrace. “Oh my darling girl,” he says as he begins to caress your back. “That’s the most maddest thing I’ve heard.”

Now that you’re in his embrace, as his comforting smell filters into your nose you can no longer hold back your tears, you cry softly as you hug him.

“I may not know your mother, but from what you’ve told me, it seems she loves you,” he assures you. “She’d never replace you. Never. Who would replace a woman like you?” He asks and pulls back to cup your cheeks. “It’s like if you had a daughter already, wouldn't you want another if the gods were generous enough?”

Well, when he puts it that way.

“I suppose I would,” you whisper.

Cregan offers you a faint smile and nods. “See? You just miss your mother, that’s all. Besides you’re her eldest, you’re special to her, you always will be no matter who comes along.” He assures you while he wipes your tears away before he leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips and on your forehead.

“You’ll always be my favorite girl regardless.” he finishes saying to lift your spirits.

And you can't help it, you slowly begin to smile before you steal a lingering kiss that he takes over and deepens. When you pull back you lean your forehead against his and wipe his lips with your thumb.

“Thank you, Cregan,” you whisper with your heart beginning to race as words just run up your throat. “I don’t know how I’d survive being so far away without you.”

The corner of his lips tug to a soft smile. “I’m the one that should be thankful,” he whispers against your lips. “The gods put you in my life and saved me from this loneliness I was bestowed with.”

Your entire face burns and you can’t help but flash him a blissful beaming grin before slamming your lips against his. Right away Cregan slides his hands to the sides of your head and begins to push you back against the tree, whilst your hands travel to the back of his neck, and your nails dig into his skin.

Driven by passion Cregan then begins to slide his hands down, letting them linger on your breasts before he tears open the top part of your dress, making you gasp. Yet your disbelief is short-lived because you then give in and unbuckle his shirt.

Albeit, soon thereafter he forces himself away and lets his head hang low as if suddenly troubled. You try to ease his stress by grabbing his face and reaching for more but he stops you. “Who would I be if I made you mine?” He mumbles between pants. “I can’t.”

Your smile softens as you're quick to reassure him. “You won’t dishonor yourself or me because I love you.”

Cregan holds your gaze in disbelief but can’t help his smile from spreading on his face. “We said we wouldn't fall in love.” He reminds you of your ultimatum.

You sigh. “I couldn’t resist myself, not when you’re the very breath in my lungs. Without you, I can’t breathe.”

It might be foolish to say, no it is stupid since you won’t marry, but it’s a truth you can’t hide. Not from him, not when he’s driven you too madly in love. And especially not when he grins so tenderly for you.

“If that’s so then I can finally relieve myself of this weight I’ve been carrying for too long and say that I love you too,” he confesses with a sense of relief as if he had been forced to hold it all back.

And you knew it’s a bad idea, you told yourself you wouldn’t give in to such passionate temptations, but you’re a woman pushed away from the mother who could teach her the reality, you remember her loving passionately and freely and you can’t help but live by those terms and smile at the man before you before you feed your forbidden passion by stealing a kiss.

“Give me the privilege of giving me your maidenhead then,” he whispers against your lips and steals the very breath from your lungs—“give me the privilege of being mine. Only mine.”

You meet his gaze and never think about Aemond, he doesn’t cross your mind when you’re with Cregan. He should be the very thing that stops you, but he's left you alone, so neither you nor Cregan think of the consequences of what could happen, you’re too driven by lust, passion, and by love.

“As long as you are mine,” you whisper impatiently as you pull his shirt off.

Cregan smirks and nods. “From this day until the end of my days,” he whispers happily against your lips as he holds your gaze and nothing else.

——

*A FEW MONTHS LATER*

“You know when I was a little girl I used to be scared of the North,” you tell Cregan while you admire a flame dancing on a candle on your end table.

“Why’s that?” He asks with some amusement playing in his tone.

You snicker and peer back at him with a smirk. “The servants' children said that giant spiders roamed the snowy lands and that northern men were big, brutish, and stole women from the homes of their husbands.”

Cregan pulls his hand away from your bare hip and you can practically hear those dark eyebrows furrow while those pink pouted lips only crease to a frown.

When you churn your head you’re proven right when you see him looking at you with a pointed look. “They say that?” He presses as if those people had personally offended him.

Your smirks turns to a teasing smile and you nod. “A lot of people like to make up reality when they don’t know it.”

Cregan grumbles and turns to lie on his back and look at the canopy overhead. You ache for more of his gentle but rough fingers so you turn and tangle your legs with his while you place your hand on his chest.

“Did you ever imagine you’d love a brutish man?” Cregan asks and almost sounds deeply serious.

You snicker and tease him. “Do I? Or did this man take me from my quarters and make me his?”

Cregan blinks and turns his head down with a smile he can’t help but flash at you. “Maybe it’s you who has cast a spell on me. I heard that the Valyrians were blood sorcerers.”

You giggle and sigh longingly. “I wish I could do such a thing, but the practice is forbidden and lost in your family, unfortunately. My natural beauty is the only thing that took you under a spell.”

Cregan blesses your ears with a hearty chuckle before he flips swiftly and captures you under him. You bite your cheeks to not yelp out of excitement and alert a servant or a guard.

“That is indeed true,” he flatters you and leans down to capture your lips in his. “You have a bewitching beauty.”

You grin and hook your arms around his neck to keep him close. “Oh, I like that.” You coo. “It makes me sound frightening.”

He hums and averts his gaze before interjecting. “No not bewitching then. Enchanting.”

Your smile softens and you can’t help but look at him softly as if he had just made you fall in love with his words alone.

“Tell me,” he continues to fill the comforting silence. “What else did you think of when you were young? More fake stories about northern men?”

You chuckle softly and shake your head. “Well,” you part your lips and sigh deeply as you think back to several years worth of thoughts, casting a long silence.

Cregan doesn’t mind the silence though, he liked to watch you in the silence like an admirer watches art they find fascinating; he never could get enough of the beauty before him. He even liked to admire you while you parted your lips.

“Without getting too depressing—”

Yet you don’t get to finish because the door handle suddenly clicks before the door bursts open, leaving you no time to attempt to hide, only leaving a second for Cregan to flip himself off you.

Nevertheless, the intruder happens to be Arra, Cregan’s wife, and your closest friend.

It turns out that Arra didn’t turn out to be the concern you worried she’d be, unexpectedly she turned out to be a good friend even if you do love her husband. Sure it took time to become friends mostly because you pushed away the possibility out of your fear that she hated you, but she doesn’t.

It also turns out that her preferences are different, she enjoys the company of women, mainly that of her handmaiden. She just put on an act that day Cregan became Lord to fool the masses. Which is a relief, you probably wouldn't be able to handle the guilt if she actually loved him.

“Arra,” Cregan hisses and pulls the furs over you to cover up your bare chest.

“Forgive me,” she mutters as she quickly closes the door behind her before she waltzs in and throws herself next to you on the bed. “I grew bored listening to all the maester had to tell me so I pretended I needed to talk to my husband.”

One would think you would be appalled that she’s lying next to Cregan and you with nothing on but the furs keeping you warm, but, well in your time together, as you’ve grown closer it’s just something you do and don’t question. For one, Arra says she finds no romantic interest in Cregan, and he’s her husband under the old gods, secondly, she jokes that she’s basically married to you too because of how much Cregan loves you, so it’s just like partners being in bed with one another; arra says.

As for Cregan and you, well, you’ve grown accustomed to it, and to keep up appearances you’ve chosen to find a taste for it.

“It’s one of the dreading days isn’t it?” You query Arra knowingly. “That’s why I pretend Astraea needs tending to. They don’t bother me when I say I’m with her.”

Arra rolls her eyes and Cregan frowns at the canopy—“I really detest that I have to suffer through the Maesters dreadful lectures without you. You’re my ward, you're meant to suffer with me.”

You snicker. “I suffered through enough of them with the previous Lady, and I will have to suffer through worse lectures in Kings Landing, I’m taking advantage of your kindness.”

Arra snaps her head to you, and you meet her gaze and you both break into laughter.

“You know we were in a conversation,” Cregan cuts in quite annoyed that your precious moments were so rudely interrupted.

You don’t mind Arra barging and find it as an excuse to see Cregan later so you drag her in your conversation. “He asked me what I would think about when I was young.”

Arra hums curiously and fixes herself to get comfortable, much to Cregan’s protest.

“Well,” you finally share your long-awaited response. “When my head wasn't literally in the clouds or fantasizing about my desires, I would often think about my future. Who I would marry, where I would go, what would happen to me, and who I wanted to be.”

A silence lingers where both Arra and Cregan think about what you said and why someone young would have to think about something so serious so early on. They both grew curious about who it is you wanted to be before a future was chosen for you, but Cregan beats Arra to the question.

“Who is that you wanted to be?”

You sigh dreamily and rest your head on his shoulder first before you tell the tale you were forced to leave behind along with your childhood. “Besides wanting to be a sailor, or an explorer, or a singer, I wanted to be Queen, a kind one like great, great grandmother Queen Alyssane, and my ancestor Queen Rhaenys.”

“Queen?” Arra probes between a joke and a serious demeanor.

You nod softly. “I was the eldest, I thought it was my right, but well…” you trail off and leave it untouched because they know why your dreams weren’t granted. Albeit you do defend yourself. “Not that I resent my brother, I never have, I kept dreaming after that dream was crushed.” You smile softly and that assures Cregan that he can poke at you now.

“What is it you wanted after that? To be a pirate? Isn’t that something you asked to be?”

You laugh and nod against his chest, letting him wrap his arm around your head to press you against him. “Yes well, besides that I dreamt of things I could never be, things I no longer crave because…my feet around on the ground now, and because when I think about tomorrow I see the people I love beside me.”

Another silence follows and this time it’s not so tense, it’s comforting and full of sweet bliss. Arra breaks it and what she shares doesn’t bring tension. “I was in crisis when I was young because I learned I fancied women, and then I hated the fact that I would have to marry a man.”

“I wanted to meet a giant that I thought lived far north,” Cregan shares and right away Arra and you share a knowing look because compared to Arra and you, that was such a sweet and weightless response. He doesn’t seem to understand what his response meant though, so when Arra and you start laughing he’s just left puzzled.

“What is it? I’m being serious, aren’t you?”

——

*128 AC*

Screams fill the room while the sour metallic smell of blood begins to filter the room.

“Come on my Lady push! The babe is almost out!” The midwife instructs Arra.

Albeit Arra throws her head back and shakes her head. “I can’t,” she cries out shakily. “I can’t! It hurts! Please don’t make me go on, please,” she begs with streams of tears mixing with the thick beads of sweat that bathe her face.

“Arra,” you mumble and lean over to grab her jaw and tilt her head to the side so she can meet your gaze. “Arra, I know it hurts, I know, but you have to keep going for your babe. If you don’t then they’ll die,” you share the harsh truth so she can get inspired. “The pain is almost over. I promise.”

Seeing and hearing her in pain is something you don’t want to witness, you know the possibility of her outcome and it frightens you; not for selfish reasons, but rather because she’s your friend, your best friend and you know how cruel childbirth can be and she doesn’t deserve to suffer.

You want to be back to when it was just Cregan, you, and her, simple and serene times. Days when you’d sit under the old weirwood tree with her, and her lady paramour, Genevieve, and sing a sweet song to the babe still growing in her belly.

“Something,” she stammers as she holds your gaze. “Something feels wrong.”

You look up to meet the gaze of her handmaiden and lover and mirror a concerned look before you look at the abnormal amount of blood that is pooling around her.

“We won’t let anything bad happen to you,” Genevieve assures her even if you’re both starting to know the cruel truth.

“Promise,” she continues to say in a way that doesn’t involve the others but doesn’t give away that her words are coming solely from her own aching heart.

“Push, my Lady, push!” They instruct again, and she listens, she puts as much effort as she can into delivering the babe that Cregan and her managed to make. However, she loses too much blood as the babe struggles to come out of her.

Arra doesn't even get to meet her son, she took her last breath as he cried for the first time, and your own heart wept at the realization.

But how does that compare to when you tell Cregan?

He didn’t love her, it’s true, but he did care for her. She was his best friend since childhood, a close confidant, and his wife. He’ll be so heartbroken and you dread seeing more of his sorrow, he was already so distressed when she began to bleed more than normal. He had to leave the room at that moment—Which in turn becomes an issue though because now no one can find him.

Albeit, you know where he is. It’s obvious too. It’s the only place he can think of going to at such a desperate moment. The Godswood.

“Cregan,” you call out as you see him sitting on a tree trunk by the red-leafed Heart tree.

Said man looks up with gleaming eyes. You don't hesitate to approach him and crouch down in front of him. “It’s a boy,” you share with a faint smile but with melancholy, he doesn't miss but ignores, Cregan actually smiles at the ground and murmurs.

“Rickon.”

You take his hands in yours and lose your smile as the dread of sharing the news begins to choke you, threatening you not to speak. Albeit he looks up at you and sees right through you again; he sees the tears stains on your cheeks, and the new tears that begin to form, and he knows he can no longer ignore the truth.

“No,” he mutters and shakes his head. “No, it cannot be true.”

You sniffle. “I’m sorry,” you whisper.

Cregan drops his head to hide his sorrow from you. After all these years he still hides his anguish, but now he doesn’t put on a brave face and then hides away in his chambers, now he lets you see his vulnerability. He lets you comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat and begin to caress his back. “I’m sorry.”

Cregan drops his head on your shoulder, letting you slide your hands around his neck so you can gently caress him and accompany him in his grief. You wish you could stay like that for a while longer, but you can't be caught being so affectionate so when the others found him you could go on pretending.

You learned to get better at pretending. In the first year of your secret relationship, you were almost caught doing things friends shouldn't do too many times, luckily it didn’t happen and a scandal didn’t spread…all because of Arra, she offered her aide then, she taught you how to be very discreet. Well, you were sneaky before, but you would get caught before, and because of her you didn’t and won’t. She helped you a lot and now she's gone with nothing left to her but her bones, and baby Rickon.

However, how can a child stop your departure? You had made the excuse when the five years were up that you wanted to wait for Arra to give birth, and the Queen granted it, but now?

Now Arra’s gone and the babe is here, meaning you will leave soon. You’ll leave Cregan...

That's what hurts too, knowing that with Arra’s death, your time here has also come to an end. You’ll have to leave and face…Aemond.

Seven hells.

You exhale deeply and fall on your bed now that you are in your semi-sheer white nightgown. All the walls that surround you that you once thought dull and bland, and the ceiling above you that you hated looking at when you first got here will soon change for you. This freedom you have here will soon change to a never-ending pester. And the people are somewhat nice, they're certainly a lot nicer now than they were the first year, they’re not racist anymore, but soon you’ll be surrounded by creeps like…Aegon.

Albeit creeps like him exist even here at Winterfell so that won’t change that much—The silence at night though, that will change and you’ll miss it too…

“Damn,” you grumble. “Maybe they should catch us together. It’ll be a bit of a scandal, but what of it?” You groan and sit up to push yourself off the end of your bed and walk to your balcony.

Perhaps the coldness is the one thing you won’t miss, but the silence? The tranquility? Cregan? You will miss him the most…

You sigh deeply again and fold your arms over the railing to rest your chin on your hands as you admire the empty street below. You let the silence linger for a moment before you begin to laugh quietly to yourself.

Once upon a time when you lived in Kings Landing, you’d look down at the streets below just past your window, and you'd see the calamity of everyday life and wish to be amongst it, now you’ve found peace here and wish to stay here in this castle amongst the tranquility. Have you grown, or have you forced yourself to make peace with your life?

You don’t know, so you sigh again and turn your head to the side, in that moment catching the rare blue winter rose in the corner of your railing.

A smile spreads on your lips and you rush over to pick it up, finding a small scroll around the stem. When you open it you see a small sentence; “meet me in my quarters.”

That’s bold of him, but you don’t argue, you’ve found ways to sneak to him. You use the same methods now with no hesitation and find yourself in his quarters, but find him looking out his own balcony. When you make sure no one is approaching you break your silence.

“Cregan?” You call out carefully, finding his still behavior odd.

Said man turns and you quickly add on. “Are you all right?”

The corner of his lips twitch to a slight smile. “Rickon is the most precious thing ever.” He begins to walk to you, and you don’t fail to head towards him as well—“You have to meet him.”

You smile. “I have. Albeit our meeting was cut short. He looks like you though.”

“You think?” He asks softly.

You nod as you meet right in the middle of his room. He takes no time to be sweet and grab your hands to wrap them with his warm ones.

“Baby Rickon makes me think of…our own children.” He makes your heart skip a beat before it begins to race. His words are absurd, you can’t be man and wife, but hearing him say those words makes it seem like a possibility.

“Hair white as snow, kind eyes like yours,” he says and cups your cheek. “Mighty children born of ice and fire.”

You can’t help but let your smile widen, and lose your mind in the impossible for a moment. You come down from that dream and face a truth he doesn’t want to see. However, instead of breaking his delusions, you let him dream because of his grief.

“How are you doing Cregan?” You ask and avoid the topic. “Be honest.”

Said man averts his gaze and lets your hands fall before he then wanders to the side of his bed to take a seat. “I,” he interjects but pauses and drops his head.

Now that racing heart you felt slows down and sinks as you see the anguish he was trying not to show. You approach him and sink down beside him on his bed.

“I feel as if I could have done more,” he reveals and looks up to meet your gaze, letting you see the tears that gleam over his eyes. “I know I didn’t love her as I possibly should have, but she was still my friend, and she died and I couldn’t stop it.”

You shake your head and press your hand on the side of his neck to caress him gently. “It wasn’t your fault,” you comfort him. “You did not do this. What happened to Arra unfortunately is normal. There was no preventing it. It was simply the Gods will. I’m sorry.”

Cregan swallows thickly and drifts his gaze away again, letting you press his head against your chest to be able to embrace him and keep him close to your heart.

“Now what you can do to honor her memory is be Rickon’s father,” you add quietly. “He’ll need you, Cregan.”

Cregan pulls away and faces you with tears rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t know how to be a father.”

“Who is?” You counter softly. “We don’t spend our lives training to be parents. You’ll struggle, everyone does, but you’ll know one step at a time as life moves on. Be the father yours was to you,” you try to assure him as you cup his jaw.

Cregan holds your gaze for a lingering minute, his lips part and his gaze softens. He doesn’t say anything for a moment that seems to go on for eternity, but then, just as you were growing insecure about what you said, he smiles before he steals a kiss from you.

“See,” he breaks his silence and grabs your cheeks. “This is why I love you. This is why you’d make a great Lady of Winterfell. Your kindness can melt the coldness that surrounds this land.”

You scoff softly and drop your eyes whilst you push his hands away and stand up off the bed. He lays down and watches you pace away.

“I’d also make a good Lady because I am stubborn, a good ruler needs that,” you play along, making him chuckle. However, you end your amusement fast and grow serious.

“But you truly can’t say that,” you mutter and grab the pillar of his bed to spin around and begin to walk to the other side. “You can’t say those things to me.” You remind him sharply.

“If I put a babe in your belly they’ll send you back to me,” he suddenly blurts, causing you to stop just as you reach the other side of the bed to stare at him in disbelief.

“You’ll have no choice but to be my wife and Lady,” he adds the fire, but regardless of the heat that basks your face you pretend to be bothered and grab a pillow off his bed to throw at him. Albeit Cregan catches it and snickers.

“My darling love,” he adds and then flips on his bed to crawl towards you. “Is that not your wish? Your greatest desire? I can put one in you now. Have you back with me in 60 days. ”

“Cregan,” you mumble and sigh with sadness knowing it’s not something that can happen. “You’d know what would happen if you did. Aemond would come after you, my family would too.”

Cregan sits up on his knees before he grabs your hand and suddenly yanks you towards him on the bed, making you yelp as you grab onto his shoulders.

“What?” He counters. “You don't think I can fight him?” He snickers and cups your face. “I’d do it. I’d fight every fucking man in this world if it meant making you my wife.”

It’s these words that only add to your ache about leaving, that only makes you swoon that much more for a man you can’t have.

“I have to—”

“Quiet,” he interrupts you and covers your mouth, making you let out a muffled scoff and twist your face to demonstrate your discontent. “Don’t say it,” he says, knowing that you were going to tell him you had to leave. “Just lay with me tonight.” He pulls his hand away from your mouth and pulls you down with him so you can lie right next to him on his bed.

You debate on dwelling on the matter, but if these are your last moments, then you want to appreciate them, so you don’t bring up your fate and just let him gently stroke your exposed back with his fingers. You snuggle against his warm chest and embrace him, you don’t think about anything but him in the comforting silence that blankets the two of you.

It’s stupid of you, but you love him.

——

*A COUPLE DAYS LATER*

Tonight is the last night you’ll ever spend together. Tonight is the last night you’ll see his beautiful face basked by the moon's soft light, tonight is the last night you’ll touch his lips, laugh, and hear his sweet voice pour in your ear like honey. Tonight is the last night you’ll be embraced by his warmth, it’s the last time you’ll have his smell filter in your nose, it’s the last time you'll hear him laugh, and see his smile painted on his features.

Tonight is the last night you can be lovers before you have to act as mere strangers passing through the night. And he’s making the most of it, acting as if nothing is going to happen. You try to act as clueless as him, but the thoughts keep coming back.

“Cregan,” you call out as he keeps walking deeper in the woods. “It’s far enough, and It’s cold, perhaps we should go to your quarters.”

Cregan peers back briefly and flashes you an assuring smile. “Not much further, just catch up.” He waves you over, forcing you to pick up your pace in the fresh snow that blankets the ground tonight. However, you come to a quick stop at the same time Cregan does when a wolf's howl breaks out from very close by; or at least that’s what it seems, maybe it’s your sudden fear that makes you hear it.

“Cregan,” you whisper sharply and approach quickly to clutch onto his arm. “Let’s go back to our usual spot, come on. These aren’t our grounds.” You look out to the depths of the woods to see if you’d find a pair of glowing eyes.

“These are my grounds,” Cregan corrects you and reaches for your hand. “Come let’s get closer.” He tugs you further, but you instantly yank him back.

“Are you mad?” You argue in panic and slight judgment. “There can be a pack of wolves out there.”

Cregan scoffs and grabs both of your hands to pull you towards him and counter. “And you have a dragon, don’t be frightened.”

“Astraea wouldn’t bite our faces off and shred us apart with her teeth,” you counter back louder. “The wolves will, and Astraea can only get here so fast.”

Cregan shoots you a smirk, just a simple smirk before he lets your hands fall to run ahead without you.

“Cregan?!” You shout as you stay put and watch as he reaches the top of the small hill before you lose his figure past some trees. “Cregan, don’t leave me alone!”

Seven hells!

Fucking man…

You squint your gaze and take a step forward, but don’t catch a glimpse of him. You just hear the sound of a wolf howling again, causing your heart to skip a beat before it starts to race as your fear heightens. “Cregan!” You call out for him again. “Don’t jest with me!”

You take another cautious step forward and stick your neck out, but still nothing.

Alas then, from the deafening silence, there’s a scream that comes from Cregan up ahead.

The wolf got him!

Rather than being hesitant, you pick up your dress's skirt and run where you saw him disappear to even if there’s a wolf close by.

“Cregan?!” You cry out desperately and proceed to come to a stop when you don’t see him or a wolf. “Cregan?!” You grab onto the tree and turn your head from side to side, however, it’s at that exact moment that hands slap against your shoulders and a quiet “boo,” is whispered in your ear, causing you to yelp and spin around hastily.

And there in the shadows is Cregan, his gray eyes reflecting his joy, while his smile shines just as bright as the stars and the moon before his evil laugh fills the silence.

“Why would you do that?!” You remark with anger before you try to shove him back. However, he catches your wrists in time.

Yet Cregan’s feet aren’t planted against the ground well, and the force you put behind your hit is strong, so he loses balance and falls backward, taking you along with him since he refuses to let go. When he hits the ground you scramble to get up, but the hill you fall on is steep, so you accidentally tumble and take him with you down the snow-covered hill.

He of course laughs the entire way down, but you find no amusement in what happened considering he had you worried sick.

“You are cruel,” you grumble the moment you stop rolling and fall on him. “You are a cruel man.”

You try to move to the side, but he grabs your hands and tugs you back down against him.

“It was only a jest, my love,” he coos and grabs your face. “I just wanted to see something.”

You shoot him a glare and shake your head. “What? How bad I can get a heart attack? I thought you got hurt.”

“And you came running, I’m honored,” he counters with a smirk before he pulls you in for a kiss. Albeit you pull away and smack his chest.

“It wasn’t funny, I was worried,” you mumble with a pout and turn your head away.

Cregan finds this more amusing so he lifts his head and tries to steal kisses from you, but you keep pushing him away and turning your head. When he finally has enough of you turning away he presses his hand against your back to flip you over with ease so he can be on top of you.

“Don’t be angry with me,” he whispers. “It’s funny, laugh.”

You hold his gaze and feign a laugh, causing him to roll his eyes.

“What is it you wanted to show me?” You ask and lift your arms to grab his biceps. “Maybe that will change my mood?”

Cregan smiles softly and caresses your cheek. “I’m more than content staying right here, I love the view.” He tries to prolong this moment with sweet words that work to make you swoon.

“Well,” you whisper reluctantly. “My view isn’t terrible either…but my ass is getting wet.”

Cregan feigns concern. “Really? Let me see.”

“Pft,” you blow out and slide your hands down his arms to grab his hands.

“Come then,” he stops messing around and keeps your hand warm under his grasp as he pulls you with him. “Let me show you the world.”

No matter the impending doom, your grin widens and that fear vanishes completely, leaving only curiosity and glee where sorrow should be. Once you arrive at where he wanted to go you immediately know you should’ve known better because this place isn’t new, you’ve been on the hill that overlooks Winterfell before. Many times actually it’s his favorite spot after all.

Regardless, the castle from higher ground is truly a beautiful sight with all the glimmering torch lights, and the moonlight dancing on the snow around the ancient grounds.

“Sit,” he demands as he extends his cloak over the ground. “This way you won’t have to get your pretty ass wet.”

You meet his gaze and snicker as you sit, letting him lie down in front of you so he can rest his head on your lap.

“I’ll miss Winterfell,” you mention as you look at the castle below while you stroke his arm. “In a month's time, it’s back to, “yes your Grace, no your Grace”. Locked towers. The insufferable Ser Criston Cole who thinks he’s high and mighty, and my fucking uncle Aegon.” You groan in frustration.

“I can go beat him bloody,” Cregan offers.

You shake your head. “No, it’s fine. I can handle him. Maybe show him a thing or two as well,” you say smugly, making Cregan smirk.

“That’s my girl,” he says.

You smile down at him and lean down to steal a kiss from his pink lips, but he doesn't fail to ruin the moment.

“If that place is such torture, then stay,” he doesn’t suggest, or persuade you, he’s demanding now.

“All your things are already here. I only need to ask your mother for your hand.”

Your smile drops, and you avert your gaze, not wanting to entertain this further. You want this to be a good last night.

“I may not be ecstatic to return to King's Landing, but I have to go see my grandfather the King, he’s clinging onto life,” you find an excuse that doesn’t involve Aemond just yet. “I miss my family. I want to see my mother soon after I arrive. As well as my brothers, my cousins, all my family who I miss terribly.” You don’t excuse yourself this time, it’s all coming from your heart's desire. You've been apart for so long and can’t really fathom another year without seeing them.

You only wish you could see your father Laenor too.

“You’ll see them at your wedding to your prince,” Cregan grumbles. “Speak the truth, you want to return to him.”

You swallow back the lump forming in your throat and then look down at him with your face contorted in slight annoyance and shock. “No,” you argue back right away to assure him. “No, Aemond…he’s a stranger to me now. We’re betrothed, he was my best friend, but he stopped sending ravens, he stopped caring. He means nothing more than a stranger does.”

Cregan sits up and turns to face you. “Then stay,” he insists. “If he truly is a stranger then stay with me. Marry me. Don’t leave me in agony.”

You sigh deeply and shake your head with a pitiful look on your face. “You know I can’t do that, it’s not that simple,” you argue for his sake and yours.

Cregan however, clenches his jaw and huffs out before adding to his argument. “I told you I’d fight him. I’ll fight everyone that comes in my way.”

You can’t let his words affect you now, no matter how fast it makes your heart race, or how hot your face burns as you grow flustered.

“We’ve kissed, we’ve laid together, you are mine,” he presses passionately. “I’ll kill him to prove it.”

“No,” you quickly rebuttal, causing him to stiffen and furrow his eyebrows as he starts to believe the opposite of what you try to tell him.

“He has the oldest dragon,” you press so he can listen to reason, while you grab Cregan's arms to keep him close. “He’d kill you first. And if he does then…” you trail off and scoff. “Then what will become of me without you?”

Cregan pushes your hands away and stands up with a scowl twisted on his face. “I don’t care because I hate the idea of him touching you, of him kissing you the way I kiss you. I fill with rage knowing he’ll be inside you.”

Your body begins to burn with desire at his words, at the sound of his jealousy, but you don’t let him tempt you, you just stand up and let him grab your cheeks.

“I don’t want him to see you smile, or-or feel your comfort,” Cregan continues to recite beautiful words. “He hurt you already,” he whispers and traces the scar on your face that Aemond accidentally left you with. “I just want you to be mine.”

You shiver at his gentle touch, you crave for more, but you still push him away. “If that’s so then…” you pause and let out a shaky sigh as your eyes fill with tears and that lump of emotions returns to crawl up your throat. “…I wish we had never become friends. I wish we had never met, or loved each other the way we do—”

“Don’t say that,” he cuts you off and approaches you, but you step back.

“I don’t want to be the bane of your existence Cregan,” you finish saying with tears rolling down your cheeks. “I told you before, that night we revealed ourselves to one another for the first time. And you,” you point. “You were okay with it. You knew what was going to happen. You know I’m stubborn, you knew nothing was going to change my fate.” You stifle your whimper and drop your head.

“Look at me,” he says sternly, making you lift your gaze to meet his gray eyes that brew like the angriest storm.

“I’d rather die tomorrow than spend a century without knowing you,” he says, making your breath catch. “You will never be the bane of my existence. Never. Forgive me.”

He approaches you and you let him this time. “But I just don’t understand why you want to marry the prince. Do you not love me?”

You nod and cup his jaw to assure him. “I love you. I just…” you hesitate. “I'm just afraid of losing you. If you win a fight for my hand, Aemond won't stop there, and I can’t even breathe with the thought of living my life without you. Sure we’ll be far from one another, but I’ll be content knowing your heart is beating, and that we are living under the same sky,” you whisper and lower one hand to press it against his chest to feel his heartbeat. “That we share the same sun, that we look at the same moon and stars.”

You offer him a sad smile and he admires it while he swallows thickly, and lingers there stiffly for a moment before he suddenly pulls you in for a deep and passionate kiss that is cut too short.

“So be it then,” he gives in as he pulls away. “I’ll let you go without a fight. I’ll ache for you every day, I’ll love you from afar and want nothing but happiness for you, my sweet love,” he tries to assure you in the way you want to be assured even if the words he says are like bile in his mouth. He presses his forehead against yours and begins to caress your face while he smiles softly at you. “If I hear that he hurt you I’ll march down there and kill him.”

You chuckle and feel tears stream down your cheeks. “Okay,” you whisper. “I’ll write to you every week. Don’t forget me.”

Cregan shakes his head and scoffs. “Don’t speak madness woman, I’d never forget you. I’ll write back every week. And if you don’t get married 6 months from now I will go to your mother personally and ask for your hand.”

You beam at him and nod, knowing that you’ll be married by then. “All right. Okay. I like the sound of that.”

Cregan pulls his head back to take in the sight of your face he thinks is so enchantingly beautiful for a lingering moment before he slams his lips on yours to kiss you again with more passion before he can’t ever again.

——

*THE NEXT MORNING*

No matter how much you keep telling yourself it was going to happen, nothing could actually prepare you for leaving Cregan and Winterfell. You couldn't even sleep a wink or eat knowing that your life was going to change again.

All your friends, Cregan, and every aspect of this life as you know it is going to become nothing but good memories. Which is very hilarious considering you dreaded coming five years ago; now you don’t want to part from it. Or him.

“Farewell, my friend,” you tell Rolf who is now a Knight, and now stands a foot over you; he was small when you first met.

“Farewell, Princess, may our paths cross again,” he redirects sweetly with a friendly smile.

You draw in a small shaky breath and nod before you step forward and surprise him with an embrace. “If you ever find yourself at King’s Landing come find me, just say you want to talk to me.” You tell him softly.

Rolf tightens his arms around you and assures you. “Of course, Princess.”

You linger in the embrace for a moment longer hoping to drag on this interaction because once you part away the last person to say goodbye to is Cregan.

But no matter how much you fight it, the inevitable is already upon you. There was no avoiding it.

“Farewell, Lord Stark,” you say softly as if you were no more than friends, you don’t even hide your tears even if they’re really for the lover you’re leaving behind and can’t kiss one last time, or tell him how much you love him.

“Thank you for letting me stay, for making Winterfell my home.”

Cregan clenches his fist to resist himself from comforting you, from kissing you, and forcing you to stay. He holds himself back even if it pains him.

“Farewell,” he puts in a simple word with that stern voice he uses when he’s amongst his people. “…Sweet Princess.”

He steps forward as he holds your gaze and reaches his hand out to ask for yours. You know what he wants and don’t hesitate to give him your gloveless hand.

When your warm flesh touches his, he carefully embraces your hand with his and then pulls it towards his lips to press a friendly kiss on your knuckles.

You shiver at the feeling of his wet lips but continue to hold his gaze as if nothing. You let your hand linger in his and push yourself to add more to your final farewell. “Write, I’ll be far but it doesn’t mean we still can’t maintain our friendship.” You smile and slowly pull your hand away to clasp it in front of you again.

“I will,” he assures you and then looks away for the first time since he’s walked you to your carriage to look back at one of the servants and give him a nod.

“I have something for you,” Cregan adds and meets your gaze again, piquing your curiosity. “A farewell present from me and Rickon.”

You slowly begin to grin and look at the servant who falls beside him and hands him a small wooden crate.

“I know how much you love these feline creatures so I want you to take one home,” he continues while motioning you closer with his eyes. When you’re a few inches away you look into the crate and see a small but chunky balled-up dark gray kitten.

“Oh,” you muse and open the crate to carefully take it out. “Hello, my beautiful friend.”

“It’s a piece of Winterfell to take with you,” Cregan interjects as he admires you comforting the kitten.

“Don’t worry, Astraea won’t eat you,” you assure the kitten. “You’ll be friends, won’t you, Wolf?” You give the gray kitten a name that reminds you of Cregan’s gray eyes. You then blink and look over at Cregan with a beaming grin. “Thank you, Lord Stark. I love the gift. I shall love it, cherish it, and always keep it safe.” You exhale deeply and let your handmaidens take the crate as you step back towards your carriage that will take you to the harbor.

“Farwell once again,” you keep longing the interaction as much as you can.

“Farewell, Princess,” Cregan says one more time using your birth name and your old family name while he also clenches his hands into fists again.

You hope he’ll keep interjecting with more but this time he doesn’t ask for your hand, he doesn’t hand you another present, this time it’s time to leave, thus, after one last lingering look you turn and walk to the carriage with tears forming in your eyes. Once you reach the steps, however, Cregan is there beside you, you meet his dark gray eyes for one last time and give him your hand again to let him cup it and help you up the two steps.

Before you can walk inside and close the door in front of him though, you linger there, you hold his comforting gaze even as Astraea lets out a soft cry in the distance. Neither of you want to pull away, but you have to, you have to leave, so you pull away first and walk in. You let the coach close the door before Cregan and minimize your view of his beautiful face.

The coach doesn’t take long to depart from that spot it was stationed at after that, he doesn’t know about your aching hearts, he doesn’t know to slow down so you could look at Cregan’s gray eyes and his pale face through the little gaps designed on the window for longer than a glimpse. The coach races out, making Cregan’s figure disappear before your very eyes, and letting you see snow, endless blankets of snow.

You want to cry badly, but you can’t, you don’t want to give anything away, so you hold onto your kitten, Wolf, and let Astraea express your hidden sadness with her melancholy song as she follows the carriage.

Now onto the stranger who was once your best friend, but who is still your betrothed, Aemond.

.

.

.

.

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Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 138 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: putting up a new fence.

MARTIN: "You know I don’t care if Jon hears this." ELIAS: "Come on, Martin. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. Let’s not start with lies." [MARTIN TAKES A STEADYING BREATH.] MARTIN: (sigh) "Fine." Martin doesn't deny it?

ELIAS: "For all his… many faults, Peter is legitimately trying to stop the end of the world as we know it." MARTIN: "So why haven’t you helped him?" ELIAS: "My relationship to the apocalypse is more… complicated." Okay, Elias saying this?! In the episode of Smirke's statement, where the sky blinks at him? I just realized how many of those conversations fit the tone of the respective episode (without the obvious, like MAG 125, 128, 131, 133, 134 etc). Of course MAG 122, Jon waking up from the dead with the Zombie statement. MAG 124 Left hanging and Martin left Jon hanging. MAG 127 A letter to Jonah with Jon's door motif talk and Basira visiting Elias. MAG 129 opening with Jon and Martin before THE anchor statement. I don't know, MAG 130 maybe? It was about a ritual and the Web suggested this tape to Jon for further preparation of the Eye's mass ritual. MAG 135 talking Basira into a potential Dark ritual after the statement about the creation of that ritual. And then that mean red herring in MAG 136, Web statement with Melanie's therapy (Jon later worries, that Melanie's therapist could be Web). Also like the way Elias talks about Peter, they really sound like a divorced couple xD

MARTIN: "Yeah, well. I’m still not sure I really believe it. (long exhale) A,And I don’t… I – I’m –" ELIAS: "Worried he might charge off into another coffin." [HE MAKES A SMUG LITTLE SOUND.] ELIAS: "Quite." I love how Elias ships Jon and Martin.

ELIAS: "As for why I’ve done so little about such a looming existential threat, (sigh) to be blunt, I have been rather busy." Martin laughs at him, but it's true. He's still pulling strings from the inside of his prison cell and he's going to be very successful with it.

MARTIN: "What? (small dry laugh) That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" ELIAS: "That makes two of us." Iconic lines. Web!Martin! Btw no wonder the Web supports Jonah in his scheme, he's quite talented at manipulation himself.

ELIAS: "I simply have to trust that when the time comes, you’ll – (rattle) – make the right choice." Like not to kill him.

"My dear Jonah," Pffft...

"What we built at Millbank should be left well enough alone, resigned to the nightmares of the reprobates and brigands contained within its walls." This statement is such a tease about what's going to come!

"It is telling, that of those I have brought into my confidence, it is only you and I who have continued this far without falling to one power or another, despite all my instruction and work. This is, of course, assuming you have not taken the path of the Eye that I know has called you, called us both for so long." Was this after the Watcher's Crown? -> “ What we built at Millbank should be left well enough alone, resigned to the nightmares of the reprobates and brigands contained within its walls.” That sentence sounds like it. So that ship has sailed? This probably why they didn't stay in contact? -> “ but I feel I must break the silence that has characterized our acquaintance for these past few decades.”

"I’m sure you recall what happened with the Reform Club" MAG 35!

"but you may be unaware of some of my other experiments below the very streets of London." The tunnels for example?

"Places I have tried to cover with churches, of all things" Was there a church built by Smirke in a statement? I immediately thought about the Oratory from MAG 20, but it's in Oxford, Smirke speaks of London here. Thought about Hither Green (MAG 25) or St Paul’s Church (MAG 63), but nope. He wasn't involved in any of the buildings I just listed. Am I missing something or do we actually never hear about anything connected to a church of his?

"perhaps the site of our Saviour will be enough to contain them." Funny how some people still won't lose their faith even in full knowledge of the Dread Powers. Smirke here. I thiiink, Dekker was also religious, was he?

"I stop, and look up at the sky, that empty black nothing, and I see the edges of the horizon becoming a dull white. I cannot understand what I am looking at. And then the sky blinks." Love that foreshadowing!

"I am not a fool. I know well enough what this dream is likely to mean, and I warn you again, that if you have any remaining ambitions to use our work, to try and wear the Watcher’s Crown, you must abandon them!" I know there's this discussion about what the Watcher's Crown actually was, Jonah's prison soap opera or using the Archivist. And, I think, there was something about Jonny saying the Watcher's Crown was Jonah's prison thing and what we see in MAG 160 could be called, like, the Magnus Archives, ha! But the title "Watcher's Crown" does fit the Eyepocalypse pretty well. Jonah calls himself "king of a ruined world" - king and crown and such. And the Eye ruling over all the other Fears like a... United Kingdom (badum tss!). (Also, Gerry says in MAG 111 "Uh, the Rite of the Watcher’s Crown. It’s what she called the ritual for the Eye. She didn’t tell me much about that one, just that she knew how to take care of it." This sounds like Gertrude called the ritual to come the Watcher's Crown. And she knows how to take care of it, sounds a bit like she already knew that the Archivist is the linchpin to the Eye's ritual. I say "a bit" because in the end there is no confirmation that this was exactly what she knew at this point. Gertrude still believed single Fear rituals could work, or she was at least still trying to stop them just for good measure according to MAG 137, which was in October 2014. And I think we don't know an actual death date of Gerry? Just late 2014...)

"But what is not to be dismissed is when your driver, on the long road from London, takes his eyes from the horses and begins to turn his head, slowly at first, but with a clear determination, inch by inch without ceasing, neck cracking and skin stretching, until his whole head seems as though it were placed atop his shoulders in reverse by some careless sculptor. The others in my carriage seemed not to mark this awful sight, but I could scarce look away" This describes the dream logic the Fears bring with them. How they can bend reality just a bit to their needs. Like Martin being trapped by Prentiss, who spent two weeks in front of his flat knocking at the door without any of his neighbors noticing anything!

MARTIN: "Good luck, Jon; I –" love you. (There, finished it for you, you're welcome <3)

@a-mag-a-day

[narcopharmacist]

Short Dramione fic review (and some spoilers too)

- COMPLETE -

I am currently reading The Binding by curly_kay thanks to a subreddit recommendation, and a comment saying that it's beautifully written. I've been reading this one for days now, and I am reading it slowly because I like savoring bits and pieces of the story.

I have never laughed (and giggled and kicked my feet) so much at a Dramione fic until this one, and I can definitely imagine Draco and Hermione acting the way they are in this story - like the conversations I feel are true to their characters. Usually, when I read Dramione fics I tend to think whether these characters are really going to say these (in the movies, for example), and it ends up with me having a hard time imagining them talking that way. Either way, I force it. But this one, it just goes naturally. I am in love. 🥰

- UPDATE - Feb 12, 2024

I just finished the last chapter before the epilogue, and I am crying. I'm very happy and satisfied with all the events that happened in this fic. It covered all 8 movies, and the ending is just *chef's kiss* 🥰

It has been more or less 3 weeks since I started reading this, and as I mentioned in my previous post of this it's because I wanted to savor every bit of this piece of work, hence I took my time. Finishing this fic made me so nostalgic about my reading this the first time... I wish I could go back to experiencing the tension that developed as the story was just in rising action. I didn't even feel the climax of the story, and it was already ending.

The flow of the story was good. Switching of POVs was AMAZING and I am very happy about the characters who got their spotlights every chapter.

The pairings are also *chef's kiss* ❤️ We have our Dramione, NottPott.... and when Pansy was brought in, I was like, "who could the Gryffindor be? Ron is a possible choice, but it was already mentioned that he was with Lavender... so it has to be Neville." Well I was wrong, I cannot believe it! It was indeed Pansy x Ron! Then we have Blaise x Luna. Super cute.

Narcissa actually played a huge role in this story... She actually got involved with Dumbledore and Snape! To protect Draco, and to protect Hermione.

We also have a side character who I thought was annoying at first, but I was like, I just know this character is the author putting us, the readers, in the story, shipping Dramione, being the wing girl, setting them up! Her name is Amelia. She's their junior, from Hufflepuff.

Smut was also lit. It was hot, but not too much where it basically became pr0n type.

I love love LOVED this fic so much!

There were chapters where it hurt, of course, but I knew they were doing it for a reason. It was all worth it in the end though.

Here are my song recs for this fic, that I think matched the vibe of the story.

Miniskirt - AOA

Whiplash - NCT 127

OK - NCT U

Perfect Night - Le Sserafim

Touch It - Ariana Grande

Best Mistake - Ariana Grande, Big Sean

[dojae-huh]

Anon as someone who works I agree most times ppl who work with you are just colleagues but you do build friendships on the way too. I've had colleagues help me financially (giving me loans when I needed it) to help me find someone to take over my responsibilities for 2 months when I needed holidays the most a few years back. There are a few ppl I would never be alone with but Ive also built friendships that have lasted me to this day even if they left the place I work at.

Most SM idols are very close, they all meet outside work and even years after they worked together unlike others. SES and also girls generation still meet (other than Jessica though). Same with tvxq we have pics of yunho and jaejoong chatting and sitting with eo parents and family. 127 are a male group so believe me when they're angry at someone they fight and resolve it, unlike women who have been programmed to be competitive with other women and so never even get along well with their sisters. Women compete for attention, snsd talked about this very well in the beginning of their career.

As for 127 you could clearly see the cracks in the band or the groups very clearly a few years back. It's still there but it has become alot better since 2022... Either they all talked out what each members wants to do or members have accepted that changes will be happening.

As for taeyong and doyoung, doyoung built this friendship. Doyoung used to get irritated with tae and even talked to his manager about it but ultimately they learned to live and become very good friends through it. Dotae are so similar to my fav ship from shinee minkey, to this day they keep arguing and fighting but they also do everything together.

We build most of our relationships both platonic and romantic and dotae is very much built on mutual respect and love so it's not fake at all, Doyoung smiles fake but never cries fake, he hates being emotional so why would he cry for the fans.

Dowoo, johndo, johnwoo even johnjae are very much collgues... Just look at BTS videos and who are usually sitting together... But they're good enough colleagues to be good work friends

Yes sometimes over the top ships are fake, like markhyuck but markhyuck are very close and depend emotionally and spiritually for strength to continue with their work in 2 bands. Mark kept haechan active last year but ultimately I've a feeling 127 hyungs asked haechan to just take a break so he sat out of the tour. Same with ppl not realising that haechan is very close to jisung and jeno... He closest to them along with renjun

Random but renjun is the very social and I as a NCT fan never realised it, the boy has friends who are 10 or more years older than him in SM. He's making good relationships as he gets older. From what I've seen his friendships are close enough for him to make fun of a hyung who is 9 years older to him

Also as groups grow older most groups stop selling we're family, shinee and 127 never sold the idea of good family or siblings. They are very open about being colleagues who got together but both these bands have very strong bonds... Super junior always talk about them only doing stuff for the camera but their families go on vacations together. The Siblings of the members are on friendly terms and so are the parents... The boys even live together still (at least eunhyuk and kyuhyun lived together in a flat a few years back)

As for 127 crying, army changes alot of things... Eunhyuk was the most funny member and the member with the most work but after army he hasn't found a permanent gig that's popular. Same with suju being limited to their own fandom. Shinee got a boost of new fans thanks to superm but most have left or prefer being taeminnie fans

Taeyong isn't a singer, he is the visual and the face of 127. He might be worried that fans would be bored and leave the fandom. It's tough waiting for 3 or 4 years for the band to be back together

It took shinee almost 4 years and believe me it was tough although we got so many solo albums in between this army period but the band together is more fun and the reason most ppl are in the fandom.

I get why taeyong cried and I get why doyoung supported him... Also you have to realise not everyone can cope with army. Taemin had to leave in the middle of his service coz of his mental health deteriorating too much. He did his last year as a public service person, it must be tough thinking of the future where you're expected to follow rules and regulations harsher than even idol industry. Btw fans have left fandoms in the army period alot of times... Even if youre in the fandom sometimes you stop following everything and not know half the fandom jokes or fights (me with shinee fandom atm)

I prefer to buy 127 albums instead of shinee ones now, I still don't have physical copies of key solos, And he's my ultimate fav K-pop singer

P.S. as a teacher I can tell you anon that all work places are fake, I also smile and small talk with ppl I won't trust.

Idol industry is normal life but on steroids, all these things happen in real life too, but most times you don't realise it until you're in the job.

A workplace is a place to meet people. Whether those people become friends or not depends on your personal compatibility and events that help you to know each other better. Like when I work in the field I live in the same room with others, we see each other in underwear, cook for each other and go into the night to spend hours in a dark forest. In such conditions people with suitable characters naturally become close quickly (and the opposite happens with difficult people as there is no room to breath, no personal space really). On the other hand, working at a cafe or a store offers very little to help bonding. Everyone is tired, pissed at managers and hate their job.

The anon's reasoning is correct for many idol groups, it doesn't mean it applies to each one of them. Also, I myself think that families are often less close than good friends, that they are kept together by blood, tradition and responsibilities. Thus I find comparing a band to a family very fitting actually. As one can't choose relatives, one can't choose bandmates (in most cases, sometimes older A-list trainees invite their friends into the agency and then debut together).

[doctorstethoscope]

I posted 8,263 times in 2022

210 posts created (3%)

8,053 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 768 of my posts in 2022

#aaron hotchner - 155 posts

#aaron hotchner x you - 130 posts

#aaron hotchner x reader - 128 posts

#aaron hotchner x y/n - 127 posts

#hotch x reader - 122 posts

#hotch x you - 116 posts

#aaron hotchner x reader fic - 112 posts

#criminal minds - 112 posts

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Longest Tag: 132 characters

#hotch acting like he doesn’t know what reid is talking about as if he hasn’t spent his entire adult life trying to be above reproach

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Sink or Swim || January

hiii besties so excited for you to read this first chapter!! let me know what you think <333

Series Masterlist

contains: food and caffeine consumption, allusion to sex

wc: 1.7k

It had been three whole days since Hotch was in the office. Things were quiet, the new year had just been rung in and while serial killers never slept, the people who made requests to your department occasionally did. In your 5 years at the BAU, you couldn’t recall Hotch ever taking a day off, holiday or not. It isn’t that you’re in incapable hands with Rossi and Morgan— but it’s weird nonetheless. It was weird to not pop into his office and offer to top off his coffee after you’d made a fresh pot. It was weird for him to not call out to Emily and chase her for her late supplemental reports. It was like there was a limb missing— as it would feel with any member of the team, you tell yourself. 

In the absence of Hotch, you push open Rossi’s office door with a fresh brewed pot in hand.

“Any news on the boss?“ you ask as you refill his mug.

Rossi shrugs apathetically. “Must be a nasty bug. He hasn’t told me much.”

“Is he sick, or is it Jack?” You ask.

“Not sure,” he says. 

“Did you ask him anything at all? Do we know that he’s not wasting away in a hospital bed somewhere?” You ask in an exasperated sort of tease.

“Woah, mama, take a breath.” Derek says from behind you– you hadn’t heard him enter. 

“I’m just saying. It’s a total man thing to do. He could be on his deathbed for all we know.” You grouse as you fill Derek’s mug as well.

“Don’t you think Hotch would tell us if he needed anything?” Derek asks. 

“No, actually, I don’t think he would,” you point out. 

“Fair point,” Rossi says. “If he’s not back next week I’ll send a search party.”

Next week simply wouldn’t do. That night you went home and put together a soup. Lemon chicken noodle, for vitamin c and for comfort. You pack it all up with some cookies and a loaf of bread and head over to Hotch’s place, bundled up in your coat, hat and mittens— he’s probably expecting you at this point, it wasn’t uncommon for you to deliver a care package to a coworker in need. 

You knock on the door and hear Hotch’s steady footsteps from inside the apartment. His windows still have rubbery cling decals stuck to the inside— a Christmas tree, some presents, and a few snowflakes. You smile, thinking about him and his son sticking them up together.  “Jack, the pizza’s here!” You hear him yell. 

Well, Hotch doesn’t sound sick, but it certainly can’t be Jack if Hotch is letting him have pizza. The door swings open, and you smile sheepishly, decidedly not the pizza he’s expecting. He looks almost frightened, which makes your anxiety pique as you look him over, noticing the bundle in his arms for the first time. 

“Hotch, you have a baby,” you say stupidly.

“And you have soup,” he says, just as dumbly.

“Is that…” you start, and then trail off. What is there to say?

“Why don’t you come inside,” he says. “It’s freezing out.”

He lets you in and the two of you fumble around each other like you’re strangers– but the only stranger in the room is wrapped in a pink terry cloth blanket. You set the soup and accouterments on the countertop, he offers you a mug of tea which you gratefully accept, and then he looks at you from across the counter as he sets the kettle on, his brows pinching together as he begins to speak.

“Rossi had taken me out to a bar, months ago, and I spent the night with a woman–” 

“You don’t have to,” you cut him off, gently. “I barged in on you. You don’t have to be ready to tell me all of this just because I showed up at your house with soup.” You reiterate. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”  

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready for this,” he confesses. “But you feel like a safe place to start.”

The thought of that warms you up inside, just a little bit. You nod. “Go ahead, then. I’m listening.”

See the full post

198 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

SINK OR SWIM MASTERLIST

“What am I not scared of? I’m scared of failing her, of failing Jack. Of failing you and the team. In a weird way I can’t quite explain, this whole situation feels like I’m failing Haley all over again,” Aaron tells you. “I don’t know… This whole thing, it really just feels like… it feels like it’s sink or swim.”

You reach out and take his hands in yours. “Okay. So we’ll swim.” 

contains: female reader, found family, mentions of parent loss, friends to lovers

if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist, please send me an ask.

Love u besties can't wait to hear what you think <3

Masterlist

January

February

March

April

May

June

July-- coming November 12th, 2022

August-- coming November 19th, 2022

September-- coming November 26th, 2022

October-- coming December 3rd, 2022

November-- coming December 10th, 2022

December-- coming December 17th, 2022

taglist: @spacecowboyhotch @honeybrowne @call-me-mrsreid

@lostinthefandoms11 @angelfxllcm @rousethemouse @skyler666 @mintphoenix @gspenc @ashhotchner @wheelsupkels @infinite-tides @zetasaturno99 @itsmeiguessidk @ahouseforhermitcrab @catsofsmoke @silversighs @hotchs-bitch @h0tch-r0cket @laurensprentiss

202 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#3

Play it Again || A. Hotchner x Fem Reader

hi all! This is just a little something based off of Play it Again by Luke Bryan. Hope you enjoy!

contains: alcohol consumption

wordcount: 1.6k

It was one of those perfect early-spring nights that reminded you that the winter was worth suffering through. You were gathered in Rossi’s backyard celebrating the unseasonably warm weather and a rare Saturday night off with everyone free. JJ and Morgan were helping Jack and Henry roast marshmallows, Spencer and Penelope were tossing tiny piles of uprooted grass at each other, and Emily and Rossi were in the kitchen putting together another pitcher of sangria. There was an early spring breeze carrying the music coming from the radio of Morgan’s truck, and you were sitting in the bed, your legs stretched out. Hotch ambled over to you, a fresh beer in one hand and a White Claw from the cooler in the other for you. 

“You looked like you could use a cold one,” he said, handling the can over and settling into the side of the truck, resting his arm on the edge of the bed. 

“Thanks. And you picked the best flavor,” you smile at him, cracking open the mango seltzer. 

“It was mostly lime left in the cooler, I had to go digging,�� he smirks. 

You pull a face. “Nobody likes lime.” 

“I imagine that’s why they’re all still in the cooler.” 

You chuckle a little at his dry humor. You know that most people wouldn’t really call that a joke, just an observation, but those people… they didn’t get Hotch. 

“I’m glad you came tonight,” you say genuinely, and you’re surprised to see how touched he is when he turns to look at you. “I know it’s not always easy to get to team stuff with Jack. It means a lot that you make the effort.” 

“Despite the hardass exterior, I do truly enjoy your company. You’re right, it’s not always easy, but I want to be here with you,” he says. “With all of you,” he adds after a second, instantly regretting it. Why is it so hard to be honest with you? “Actually, I should say—” he starts, but he’s cut off by your gasp. 

“I’m sorry, Hotch, but hold that thought. I’ve been waiting for this song to come on all night,” you say, hopping out of the truck and turning towards him. “Dance with me, please.” 

He rolls his eyes. If it were anyone else, he’d say no, and he knows it. But he’s helpless. 

“You’re totally going to kill my hardass act,” he says as he takes your hand. 

The song you’ve been waiting all night for is some country-pop song, and Hotch can help but grin as you throw your head back in a laugh when he spins you. He pulls you back into his chest and you stumble a bit, giggling all the while. You make contact with his chest– it wasn’t on purpose, necessarily, but it wasn’t quite an accident, either. He catches you. You knew he would. 

“Sorry. One too many White Claws, I guess,” you chuckle at your own self-deprecating joke as you take another sip.

“You okay?” He asks, looking you over and quirking a brow. You can practically see the gears of his brain turning as he attempts to mentally catalogue each drink you had this evening. 

“I’m good, Hotch. Only 20% clumsier than I normally am. Just not really a dancer,” you assured him. 

“You could’ve fooled me,” he tells you with a sly grin. 

“Good partner. Good song. There’s a saying about broken clocks that might apply.”

“Nothing broken about you,” he says. 

“What were you saying? Before the dancing,” you asked. 

Aaron draws in a breath. He’d halfway hoped that you’d forgotten in the admittedly short period of time. But, you hadn’t, so it was time to pay the piper. “I was going to say— I’ve been meaning to tell you, it’s only fair—”  he starts to stumble over his words, but Jack comes over in a rush. 

“Dad! Can I sleep over at Henry’s? Ms. Jareau said it’s okay,” he asks breathlessly. 

Hotch gives his son a discerning look. “Did she offer to have you come over, or did you or Henry pester her until she said yes?” He asks.

For Jack’s sake, you hold in your chuckle. The profiling never stops, it seems. 

“She really offered. You can ask her yourself,” Jack insists. 

Aaron turns to look at you apologetically. “I should probably go talk to JJ,” he says. 

See the full post

349 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

#2

Wonderstruck || Aaron Hotchner x fem reader

Hi besties missed you besties!! This is a little something sort of inspired by LDSK-- I was watching it and couldn't help but think how crushed I would be if I was in Spencer's shoes, lol. Not a direct au, just a little something adjacent to it!

and a huge thanks to @spacecowboyhotch for beta-ing this for me!

tw: misogyny, epithets against women, arguing, typical cm canon content.

wc: 2.1k

“He’s a violent misogynist. Sending her in might distract him enough to give us an opening,” Rossi says, mulling over Spencer’s suggestion to send you into an active hostage situation in an attempt to de-escalate.

“I’ll go,” you say, reaching for a vest. Hotch’s hand shoots out in front of yours, keeping you from the stack of protective equipment. 

“No you won’t. He’s a violent misogynist. I’m not sending you in to become a defenseless target.” He says, his jaw set.

“I’m not defenseless!” You argued indignantly. “I’ll have a vest and a gun, not to mention half the FBI as backup.”

“I don’t like the risk. There has to be another way,” he insists.

“Hotch, it’s the best we got,” Morgan tries to reason with him. 

“It’s fine. It’s the job. I can handle it,” you plead to your boss. He holds your eye contact for a moment, your hopefulness appearing to soften his steely gaze. 

“Go get a discrete comms for under your vest. You won’t be able to hear us but I need to be able to hear you to know if things are okay on the inside,” he relents, and you scamper off to prepare yourself. 

Once you’re ready, Hotch insists on walking you to the door of the compound.

“It’s very important that you don’t try to prove anything to him. If he asks you to sit with the other women, sit and acquiesce and attempt to negotiate subtly from there. And if he escalates, stand down. We are getting plenty just from your comms,” he counsels, placing a hand on your shoulder and taking care to look you in the eyes.

“I’ve got it, Hotch. I’m gonna be fine,” you nod.

“I’ll see you when it’s over, then.”

“See you, Hotch.” 

You step into the compound and walk down a long hallway before you make it to the room where the unsub is holding the hostages. 

You knock gently, opening the door and introducing yourself.

“A woman? From the FBI? Ridiculous,” he scoffs.

“I know, but the sooner you and I work things out the sooner I can get out of your hair,” you say sweetly.

“I’d sooner blow this place up than yield to one of you,” he sneers, and a look at the collar of his shirt reveals that he means it— you can see a few threatening wires coming through. 

“What do you need from me to avoid that? I’m happy to oblige anything I can.”

“How about you sit down and shut the hell up, and the FBI gets me a passport and a helicopter.”

There’s another knock at the door and you whip your head around. “This is supervisory special agent Aaron Hotchner, I just want to talk,” he says, swinging the door open. 

“Supervisory, huh? You sent the girl in?” 

“Not by choice,” he scoffs. 

You bite your tongue. It was true, you supposed, but you hadn’t expected him to tell the unsub that.

See the full post

492 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The List || A. Hotchner x Fem!Reader

hello my loves, just a little something for @hotchafterhours kink challenge!

summary: you and Aaron check off a few new boxes.

kinks: D/s, daddy kink, threesome, mistress kink, praise kink, degradation, thigh riding

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader, emily prentiss x reader

content/warnings: in case it wasn't clear SMUT 18+ CONTENT MINORS DNI

wordcount: 3.5k

You’ve been dating Aaron for a few years now, so you like to think you’re something of an expert on all things Hotchner. There are plenty of people, your coworkers included, who think he’s all work and no play. That simply isn’t true. At work, yes, he’s a stark professional, to his core. But they don’t see him at home, playing with his son and basking in the domestic glow the three of you have created in your little apartment. And they certainly don’t see the type of play the two of you get up to, either.

One of the tenets of Aaron’s work/play separation was that work stayed in the office. He had a home office, for when he needed it, but even there– nothing BAU-related got past the threshold. When he was home, he was home for you and for his son— work would wait as long as it reasonably could. So when you see him flipping through some paperwork in bed, you’re admittedly confused.

“Whatcha doing?” You ask, pure curiosity in your tone.

“I was just looking over the list. It’s been a while since we did these, I thought it might be worth taking another peek at,” he explains, looking at you over the readers you had bought for him a year ago, that he valiantly resisted for three months before finally admitting that they helped.

He’s talking about your kink lists, which explains why he’s made it out of the office. Just shy of a year into your relationship, you’d broached the subject of introducing a dynamic into your sex lives, just to see if you liked it. Aaron had agreed, but insisted on doing his own, extensive research beforehand. He, admittedly, was wary about the idea of hurting you– even in a consensual way— and wanted to make sure he was fully prepared, both for him and for you. So he’d presented both of you with lists— you checked off things you knew you liked, things you thought you might want to try, and things you definitely didn’t want to do.

“Why don’t you check yours, too,” he says, passing you your copy of the list. “Make sure it all still looks accurate. We’ve tried a lot of this stuff, so if you don’t actually like it—”

“Aaron, you know I’d tell you if I didn’t. I’d safeword if I needed to, or I’d tell you after the scene if I didn’t. You wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t let you,” you remind him.

“I’d still like you to look. Maybe things we haven’t tried that sounded appealing then, don’t now. Or maybe you’ve found that you like things more than you thought you would. It’s all good to know,” he encourages you.

You agree, climbing into bed and taking the paper and pen that he’d offered. You move some maybes that you had tried into the solid yes column, and a couple into the no column, too, but there aren’t any major changes. After a few minutes, you switch, and you find Aaron’s form to be more or less the same. You’re not surprised, really— You and Aaron have an open line of communication. There were no surprises.

“So, I was thinking I might surprise you,” Aaron pipes up. You stand corrected.

“Oh?” You say.

“You’ve been working your ass off lately, between the team and the Academy Trainee course Strauss pulled you for,” he explains. “I wanted to do something fun for you. I noticed you still had ‘experience with two or more partners’ and ‘experience with a same-sex partner’ checked off as things you’d like to try…” he trails off nervously, and you can tell just by looking at him that he’s wondering if he should beg the floor to swallow him whole rather than continue this conversation.

“That would be a very special gift,” you agree with a smile, putting him out of his misery. “But who? I don’t necessarily want to bring a stranger into the apartment,” you say.

“You can say no, and we can never talk about it again,” he assures you. “But I was thinking… maybe Emily?”

You mull it over for a moment, taking Aaron’s hand in your own to let him know that you’re thinking, not shocked into silence. You… kind of like the idea of it. “Have you talked to her about it at all?”

“Not about joining us,” he says, and his phrasing is specific. You know him too well for that.

“But you’ve talked to her about… our dynamic?” You ask, confused. It’s not your real question— you know he’d never tell someone else about this without asking you, first.

“No, no,” he corrects. “That case a few months back, where the men were all bound— she floated the idea privately with me that the unsub may be a dominatrix, and it came up naturally, that she’s… similarly minded.”

“But with less murder,” you joke.

“Like I said, we can pretend I never even brought it up.”

See the full post

594 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[hiimcanadia]

I posted 9,177 times in 2022

That's 6,258 more posts than 2021!

398 posts created (4%)

8,779 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@m-e-w-666

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I tagged 3,223 of my posts in 2022

#2pm in the morning - 268 posts

#unreality - 38 posts

#ofmd - 37 posts

#reference - 34 posts

#for later - 28 posts

#😍😍😍 - 27 posts

#🥺💕💕💕 - 22 posts

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Longest Tag: 138 characters

#and there’s only one wwdits omegaverse fic on ao3 and based on what my friend told me it is. what i like to call ‘straight person a/b/o ™’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the thing about Stede/Ed/Izzy is that it has the potential to provide a really nice backdrop for the idea of “loving someone differently is not loving them more.”

“I’ve known you for a few days and I feel so close to you already” vs “We’ve known each other for years and I’m still learning new things about you all the time”

“I knew that I could love you from the minute I saw you” vs “After all these years, it hit me like a freight train how important you are to me”

“I want to hold on to you” vs “I want you to stay in my life”

“I want to kiss you” vs “I want to sit with you”

None of it is more vs less, it’s all just different

121 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

#4

Anyway my personal take on a modern ofmd au is that Stede is a mildly out of touch upper-middle-class man whose first purchase with his inheritance money was a concert ticket for a punk band that he secretly liked but was never brave enough to go see, and Ed is the poor lifelong punk who patches him up and buys him a drink after he takes a nasty fckin fall during his first ever mosh pit, and then proceeds to fall immediately in love with this strange man who wore a button up and slacks to a concert and is now drunkenly asking him if he’d like to see pictures of the flower garden at his lake house

123 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#3

Why don’t we talk about this image more often. This is literally one of the best Ed photos in existence why aren’t we like pinning it up in the town square for everyone to look at daily

123 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#2

Revenge crew bonding exercise where Stede gets one of these for the ship

127 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

For the record ofmd s2 is going to air and we’re all going to be reminded that this is a romcom and it’s not going to be nearly as tragic and complex and heartbreaking as we’ve been theorizing and I’m STILL going to love all the tragic and complex post-s1 fanfics and I’m going to keep rereading my favourite ones long after the series is over

343 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

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[warm-starlight]

Hi Eve! How are you?

I've been following you for a long time and as a levihan fan I really enjoy reading your interpretation on the ship, which is why I came straight to you for something that's been bugging me for days. The thing is, I used to read numerous comments about Eroori vs Levihan ship wars on twitter, but then I stopped at some points bcs there's really no end to it. Erooris could make you feel insecure to the point you'd even doubt yourself or what you believe what's right. Like how we've seen already how they slander Levihan as a ship or attack those who are simply here to enjoy the fiction world without drama. For example, I stumbled upon a certain discussion about how much Hanji needed encouragement through the post timeskip given the predicaments they had to deal with or how Hanji desperately needed somebody telling them "It's not your fault Eren chose this" but not even Levi said that to her. I tried to reason with them that it's mostly bcs Levi wasn't even there and we didn't their convo in the timeskip. There's also chap 126 wherein Levi once again encourages Hanji to fight, but then they told me "even up until 127 & 132 (moments before their death) Hanji was still feeling guilty about Eren. Levi encouraged Erwin every time he felt down for either having to sacrifice the recruits or when he was giving his life for the sake of humanity. He told the guy "it's only thanks to him they've gone that far" yet he never told that to Hanji and Hanji died in sadness thinking she's at fault because of what Eren put them thru" This really makes me feel awful. I'm not saying I believe them but at the same time their words are discouraging and they make me feel bad that the fandom misinterpret them so much. Could you please share your thoughts? I feel like I need your reassurance here. Of course if you're comfortable talking about it.

Wait what? Levi "always encouraged Erwin when he was down?"... When was that? He literally never missed a chance to rub the fact Erwin is throwing away human lives in his face.

Besides Hange was different from Erwin. When Levi encouraged Erwin, he was absolutely at the lowes point, ready to throw everything away, he confessed his selfish desires to Levi and literally Asked Levi to tell him what to do.

Levi's "It's only thanks to you that we've come this far" was his last words of condolence for a man he is going to send to his grave.

Now Hange is different. They felt down, sure, they felt guilty, but they never for one second stopped fighting for the right thing. Levi never needed to say anything to them, becauae they never asked him to. Levi is not a person who shoves his head into someone else's business if they don't need him to speak.

The dying soldier in ch 9.5 Asked him, Armin asked Jean and then Levi answered for him, Erwin asked him for help directly...Hange never asked him "please tell me i did good". But they didn't need to. Levi staying on their side for all that time already was a sign he isn't blaming them. And his "I know you...you aren't able to stay out of the action" was all the encouragement they needed.

[halcyonstorm]

Hey! I hope you're well. I started watching AOT and realized that levihan was a ship. And after reading the manga Ive come to the conclusion that they were more than friends if not just friends. Mostly because I saw Levi act with Isabella, a friend and a sister of sorts even Farlan. But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more. He was a different Levi with her. All the teasing and the overprotectiveness, the unnecessary sass and hostility sometimes, but that makes me wonder WHY? Why was he like this towards her? And when was the moment he fell for her or decided to befriend her that way that yes I will tease this person from now on. At first I thought its because of how they met maybe but their first meeting was so sweet. Hange seemed impressed by him and he even thanked her for her compliments. I didnt think their interaction would lead to something like this. So what are your thoughts because I wonder alot on this. Also can someon pls tell me why Levi looks at her that way in aot 4 when hange meets the kids with him and says if they dont understand us we'll meet them and teach them. Like. What happened? Thank you !

Hi! I am well, thanks! And thank you for leaving me an ask! I always appreciate hearing what people have to say. I’m gonna try my best to answer your question without going on any tangents lol (but I can’t promise I won’t). This is going to be long.

Mostly because I saw Levi act with Isabella, a friend and a sister of sorts even Farlan. But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more.

I 100% agree with this. When I read the manga and watched the anime, I thought maybe Isabel was a love interest (AT FIRST). When I realized she would call him “aniki” (brother) and the way he acted around her (patting her head), I knew there was a different relationship between Isabel and Levi. He saw her as a little sister and was always trying to avoid his two friends from getting into trouble. That’s why he decided for all of them to join the SC after all.

But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more. He was a different Levi with her. All the teasing and the overprotectiveness, the unnecessary sass and hostility sometimes, but that makes me wonder WHY? Why was he like this towards her?

I think that the reason Levi had always acted different with her than anyone else was because of their first interaction. It was not in the anime but it WAS in the manga where Hange approaches the trio saying “I was watching you at that crucial moment!” (Not to mention the chapter Hange appears for the first time is called “Hearts” and in 139 we see “...hearts” over her head). At this point, Levi, Farlan, and Isabel were ready to kill Hange since they thought she found out about their plan to kill Erwin. What actually happened was she had seen how cool they all were and wanted to pay them a compliment. Ever since that trio left the underground, Hange was the first person to show them kindness. I don’t think this is something Levi would forget or take lightly. If it were me, I’d definitely remember that moment. I know there is a post somewhere comparing how Levi looked at Hange for the first time vs how he admired the nature outside the walls for the first time. After Farlan and Isabel died, who did he have? Practically no one. It’s my own HC but I’d like to think that Hange stuck by his side. Levi and Hange both have lost so many comrades that they found solace in each other. They bonded through grief I suppose. Also, I think Levi was intrigued by Hange’s personality. Their personalities complement each other: Hange is extroverted, loud, messy; Levi is introverted, quiet, reserved, clean.

When I first saw them, I definitely felt some romantic attraction of sorts. We eventually learn he is a clean freak, yet he has no issue grabbing her hair (which probably was greasy and unclean). Also, I believe that wasn’t in the manga and Isym requested it be added? I can be wrong with that, but I think that if there was nothing planned for their relationship, he wouldn’t have requested it. From the second I saw them, they reminded me of an old married couple. The way they bickered and how Hange never felt threatened by him.

One of my favorite scenes is when Hange enters the room that Levi’s squad is in at the castle.

E: Oh, I’m not sure if I have the authority to help you.

H: Levi, what is Eren doing tomorrow?

L: Cleaning the courtyard.

H: Okay! It’s settled!

See how she doesn’t ask permission? See how Levi doesn’t retaliate? If it were anyone else, I’m sure that 1) someone wouldn't ask that and 2) Levi wouldn’t have responded that way. We have seen all throughout the anime and manga that he usually goes along with whatever she wants to do. Remember in the OVA where Levi grabs her and yells at her? She doesn’t retaliate from his tone either. She SMILES at him. Why? Because he is expressing concern for her. He is showing he cares about her (also he’s grabbing her and bringing her close again). Eventually at the end of the OVA, we see how Levi tells Hange that Erwin agreed to capture titans for experimenting.

And when was the moment he fell for her or decided to befriend her that way that yes I will tease this person from now on… Also can someon pls tell me why Levi looks at her that way in aot 4 when hange meets the kids with him and says if they dont understand us we'll meet them and teach them. Like. What happened? Thank you !

I am not sure if there was a specific moment, but I do believe it definitely developed over time. One specific moment is the one you mentioned later on in your message, “If you don’t know something, go figure it out. Isn’t that what the Survey Corps is all about?” Levi looks at Hange almost in a surprised manner. In my biased LH eyes, it shows that Hange really is a brilliant and wonderful Commander, and Levi is appreciating her and her intelligence. In reality, it is most likely because it is something similar to what Erwin would have said as Commander. In all seriousness, her statement is entirely true. I think we can all learn from and use that statement in our everyday lives. But I think that in this moment, he possibly starts to realize how much he admires the Commander. We can also see Hange taking her own advice in chapter 126? 127? Where she forms the alliance with Pieck. She is not sure how to stop the Rumbling, so she goes to figure out how she can by talking with Pieck. As it turns out, she is successful in forming the alliance.

Overall, I think that Hange and Levi complement each other perfectly. Even if you aren’t looking too deep, I think their relationship is quite obvious. I mean… why would you ask someone to live with you if you didn’t care for them or even love them? I think that this is one of the points that other shippers bring up to break up LH (how L dislikes H or vice versa). Levi didn’t reject her. If Isym wanted him to reject her, he would’ve made him say something similar to Erwin’s “Give up on your dreams and die” statement when Erwin stated his selfish dream and was willing to sacrifice all of humanity for his selfish desire. Hange told him while he was unconscious and “not listening”, and he didn’t reject her. He says “if we run and hide, what will that get us?” and “I know you aren’t able to stay out of the action” when he sees her building the cart. We also see Levi “confess” or “respond” in 132 to Hange’s statement in 126. “Dedicate your heart”?? OMG Do not get me started on that lol.

Getting back on track, the pair is almost always together in the anime. They’re together in the manga panels when they don’t have to be. They don’t even need to speak actual words to communicate. They are the sun and moon, two wings of a bird. Levi is almost always looking at Hange in the official fanarts. We know from the smartpass AU’s that Hange says “he is a good guy” and “he doesn’t say what he means.” That’s why I think they use nicknames frequently. Four-eyes could be seen as an endearing comment coming from him. Also, Levi making Hange chocolates in the Junior High manga?!?!! Oh, yeah, its definitely to shut her up.

Im sorry for the huge tangent but I hope some of this answered your question. I enjoy reading the levihan analysis’ from other blogs. Thank you for reading if you did read this far. Have a good day/afternoon/night <3

[misswoozi]

Okay cap. Johnny/Kun. It starts as a very casual 'youre sexy, im sexy' and also finding outside the industry partners is exhausting fwb situation. They were both also sleeping with other people from their group and others probably.

Somehow tho things started to get weird. One of them would get a bit moody when a 'you up??' Text got ignored, there was jealousy and possessiveness from both sides whenever members got together and sometimes even at award shows and performances.

Thing is neither of them would really talk about it directly. Instead the sex just got rougher and more desperate; they know better than to mark arms and necks but they got creative with hickies littering inner thighs and handprint bruises across asses. Slowly they stop seeing their other fwbs, canceling hookups for late night convenience store runs.

Eventually all 21 other members are pretty sure theyre in an official relationship and wondering why tf they havent been told. So, who calls them out, or is it a groupwide intervention?? Do they admit feelings then and there or do they say theyre just fucking and maybe talk about it later?? Do they last??

Sorry for the quality here, im making this up off the top of my head whilst cooking.

AKSLADGLSDGLS DON'T APOLOGIZE, THIS IS PERFECT, WE HEADCANON JOHNKUN THE EXACT SAME WAY?????

they are my go-to NCT angst ship lmaooo I feel like every group has one true Angst Ship that is just simply not meant to be endgame and never meant to have a happy ending and for me, it's JohnKun. Like yeah they like each other, yeah they're attracted to each other, yeah they make sense together but it's just not meant to be -- and when you factor in the fact that they're in 2 units of the same group that BARELY interact anymore, you have yourself a God Tier heartbreak ship and I am so fucking INTO IT

so! JohnKun, FWBs who secretly caught feelings but neither of them will admit it. like you said, they channel their jealousy into rougher and rougher sex (it's so tough because I think they're both pretty strict tops but I DO have a top!Johnny/bottom!Kun video on my Twitter that I'm obsessed with)

they fuck in secret for months before they get called out, and it's Jungwoo that confronts them about it. he pays attention and JohnKun have been acting shady towards each other in full group settings and he just says, "so how long have you two been sleeping together?"

Jungwoo calling them out finally forces them to sit down and talk and they decide to try DATING. and for half a year, it's a pretty good relationship. but they're both so stubborn in their own way and 127/WayV have such different schedules (sometimes even in different countries) and so it doesn't work out. it breaks both of their hearts WAY MORE than they let on (to each other or to their members) and it's a heartbreak that heals poorly but they get through it. full group promotions (like NCT 2021) are still a little hard but they're both moved on.

[mariesocuniverse]

Relationships: WayV

MaeKun

if it werent for the the laws of ncity he wouldve asked her to join wayv and stay in their dorms

Since they don’t live together or are part of the same unit they don’t really spend a lot of time together but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to be with Mae

Large parent/protective older brother energy

not as protective as 127 hyungs but you know

Yeah she’s a menace when she teams up with other WayV members but she doesn’t clown him as much as they do it’s cause she saves that energy for doyoung lmao

mae claims she visits the wayv dorm for him but he’s 50% sure she’s just there for the animals

the other 50% is because she wants him to cook for her which he does even if she doesnt ask

hes like those parents who insist on giving you leftovers to bring home to your family

he taught her to do magic tricks bc she was insistent on wanting to learn at least one

okay but honestly she thinks he really cool despite all the clowning she does to him

like singing? dancing? cooking? visual? magic? and he can fly a plane????

one of the reasons she has high standards ngl

MaeTen

ten has unofficially adopted her whether people like it or not

he has fought with taeyong and doyoung about it she is his baby

if mark and johnny are his brothers, mae is basically his younger sister

if you look at his photo gallery he has a folder dedicated to mae and mae only

any photo or video of them together is basically ten clinging to her like a koala

he looks at her like she put all the stars in the sky but the same goes for mae

she has admitted in an interview that ten is one of her role models because of his talent and work ethic

whenever she needs help with dancing he’s one of the first people she asks

xiaojun once asked him who’s his favorite between yangyang and mae and you could see him malfunction for like six seconds before jokingly scolding him

“yah how could you ask me that type of question?”

fun fact! ten was the person she asked to go with her when she got her first tattoo!

he arranged the appointment at the place where he got his and held her hand when she was getting it

Lowkey considered getting matching tattoos but never really took the time to think of what tattoos they’d get

MaeWin

another top ship among czennies

these two are so soft for each other omg

just one glance at the two and you’re already melting

You can see Yuta screaming about MaeWin whenever the group is together and they’re interacting

And if you can’t see it you’ll probably hear it

MaeWin: casually talking

Yuta: is this what heaven looks like

MaeWinMark is just yuta’s weakness and he doesn’t even bother to hide it

Okay back to MaeWin before I get ahead of myself and make an entire post about Yuta and MaeWinMark

If they’re gathered in a large group their interactions aren’t really noticeable unless you’re actively looking for it

While the others are talking you can just see Mae playing with his hands or winwin giving her a soft smile while patting her head

They talk more when they’re either in a small group or just the two of them

MaeWin shippers were devastated when they got separated so when nct 2020 happened they went feral

Every once in a while they go out for hotpot and talk about what has been going on

LuMae

this man right here

they first met when she was visiting NCT U dance practice for BOSS with food and she heard him from the hallway

its one of the reasons why she wasn’t intimidated by him even though hes a giant

she was excited to see what kind of energy and personality he would bring to nct

and she was not disappointed at all

personal hype man

whenever they’re on a variety show together and mae is asked to do something he just yells “FIGHT HAEYADWAE”

of course the same goes for mae but less loud bc last time she kept yelling she lost her voice and couldnt talk for the rest of the show

He just has this energy where if he’s hyped up about something she feels energized to be hyped up well so you just hear the both of them cheering loudly

its always interesting to see because you just see a gentle giant cheering loudly with this smol girl next to him trying to match his energy

he always makes sure she’s comfortable when they’re at a schedule

like we know how he’s really silly on camera but he’s also very observant and caring

one time mae complained about how her feet hurt from the heels she was wearing so he just picked her up bridal style and walked to the van without a word

XiaoMae

They’ve heard abt each other from Kun and ten and greeted each other when they passed by each other in the halls but they never really had a chance to grow close until nct 2020 happened

Mae wasn’t in the Make a Wish unit so there weren’t a lot of chances to get to know each other while promoting either but it doesn’t mean they’re not friends

ten also hogs her attention when she visits the wayv dorms but we dont talk about that

these two arent as close as the others but not to the point where they actively avoid each other

whenever they’re together they just vibe

theres no awkward silence or small talk they just talk about random stuff

“no lucas, i dont hate xiaojun hyung we just dont hang out as often as we do”

“yes hendery we do have each other’s numbers we just don’t talk often”

WayV is lowkey tempted to lock the two of them in a practice room together and do a vlive to see what’ll happen

prime candidates for “It’s Awkward but It’s Okay”

their dynamic is kinda DoRen where they pretend to be awkward around each other as a joke

like they went out together once and everyone as excited bc omg they were interacting

XiaoMae shippers are starved for content and will accept any crumbs that come their way

HenMae

the duo people didnt know they needed until they met

its not like people didnt want them to become friends its just that theyre energies match well

these two are such a vibe

you know how there are ppl who don’t see for long periods of times but you still want tackle them in a hug whenever you meet? yeah its like that

kun sometimes wants to separate the two bc of how much chaos they cause together

they’re the duo where they think something is a good idea at the time but ends up as something bad at the end

kun has banned the two from the kitchen bc of a fire they started

HenMae shippers are thriving because of all the stories of the dumb shit they’ve done

lowkey considered doing a series together on nct daily but then the channel stopped uploading vids so it was never mentioned again

one time he was on call with his sister when she walked in and accidentally mistook her as his gf and now they jokingly have each other as bf and gf in their phone contacts

ten nearly had a heart attack when he saw the contact name pop up and mae picked up the call

 yangyang has the whole thing recorded on his phone and refuses to delete it

MaeYang

(A/N everytime i see this gif i need a moment to pause and try and remember my ideas cause my head goes empty when it comes to yangyang)

okay if HenMae are chaotic, MaeYang are worse

kun doesnt need to dye his hair gray bc of all the stress these two cause him

czennies thought they didnt interact much bc of different schedules and groups but once nct world happened they changed their minds

MaeYang slowly climbing up the ranks of nct ships

during one of his lives yangyang mentioned how he spoke a lot with mae and that she wanted to add him to the 00liner gc

czennies lost it that day bc 1) holy shit theres a 00liners gc and 2) why tf hasnt yangyang been added into it yet

insists that she calls him oppa/hyung even though theres only a one month difference between them

Mae and Yangyang: whispering in the corner of the room

kun: theyre either talking shit about someone or world domination and i cant tell whats worse

he tried teaching her some german once and she now knows like three sentences

“Hallo, Ich bin Mae. Was geht ab? Mir geht’s gut.” (A/N this is the outcome of my three years of german lessons everyone)

and basically all the swear words but we dont need to talk about that

haechan jokes that he’s stealing mae away from the dreamies so he wont be the maknae in wayv 

[nct-lian]

nct 127’s relation to lian

TAEIL + LIAN: IL-LI

taeil used to wake her up for school when she was still a teenager :((

such a soft but overlooked duo

will appreciate each other forever and ever

lian teaches him roasts in english that he can say to johnny

remain each other’s hype man and woman

taeil was the first to suggest he and the other nct members react to the trailers of her dramas on video so they can boost them in popularity

promotes the HELL out of lian’s solo career over twitter

lian loves coming up behind him and just giving him hugs because he’s soft (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

they watch movies together a lot! but taeil has to come down to the fifth floor because lian hates it up on the tenth one

he was once able to grab her hand in an airport and they held hands the entire time :(( a few pictures went a little viral

they share hoodies NSHDHSHCJA

lian keeps bugging him to get an instagram

taeil will ALWAYS take her side in silly arguments she and the other members have sometimes

he makes fun of her height because she’s shorter than him-

he also used to help her with her homework :(

cried when lian went on her first date

“my child is growing up (´∩｀。)”

had to do a background check on the guy before he even allowed him to come in contact with her again, though

JOHNNY + LIAN: JOANN

johnny is her dad, period

no questions asked he is her father

will give her piggyback rides all the time

he was once woken up by her jumping on his bed and asking if they could go shopping

at 6:00 am

he actually got up, got ready and took her shopping but since it was so early, the stores were all closed

he took her out for japanese fluffy pancakes, though!

whenever lian is sick, johnny makes her his mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup recipe :((

speaking of johnny’s mom, she loves lian to death and always asks johnny if he’s taking good care of her

if they’re not being asked any questions or having to translate anything during interviews, they always whisper jokes in each other’s ears to try and make the other one laugh

because of how lian dies during the trailer of her new drama, johnny cried in front of twenty-two other men while they reacted to it

he was NOT embarrassed

“how are you guys not crying? this is so sad. what a cruel world we live in ໒( ˵ •̀ □ •́ ˵ )७”

kept screaming at lian’s “dream of you” performance video

“WHY ARE YOU ON THE GROUND DANCING LIKE THAT?!” “JISUNG COVER YOUR EYES-“

he once effortlessly picked up lian and moved her somewhere else because she wasn’t standing where she was supposed to be

everyone says that their ship name is something a white, suburban mom would be named. now nctzens pronounce joann like “joanne” ･x･

it was said on the zach sang show that johnny used to measure her height every month to see if she grows or not, and that’s the only reason why he has her height memorized

TAEYONG + LIAN: LIYONG

has lost lian in so many airports it’s not even funny

“hyung, what happened to lian?” “oh, you have GOT to be kidding me-“

whenever he doesn’t see her he goes into panic mode and starts asking if anyone has seen his little sister

“about this tall with really shiny hair? her cheekbones are insane, i swear. OH OH OH SHE WAS WEARING JOHNNY’S HOODIE- you don’t know what johnny’s hoodie looks like.. okay, well thank you for your help.”

one of the first members that she was comfortable with

lian said that he was her role model :’(

as the leader, he’s always taking care of her and will not sleep until he knows for sure she’s eaten

because of how lian never participated in any of nct’s first bit of promotions due to being too uncomfortable around them, she was allowed to skip out on the viewings of their relay video letters

but she was still required to make one for somebody and that somebody was taeyong ˵ ຈ ︿ ຈ ˵

she said that she was glad he was her leader and that she hoped to become closer one day

he cried

declares that he will take care of lian till the day he dies

taeyong had yelled at lian’s former manager until he voluntarily quit working for her- he had found out that lian was being overworked to the point where she collapsed during their dance practice and he wasn’t okay with it

always cheering her on backstage when she performs solo

he always tries to include her in guiding the members for their dances because he knows how happy it makes her

instead of having her carry her glasses around with her, he does it instead :D

“nana, do you have to wear your glasses now?”

taeyong tucks her into bed every night he can ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ

YUTA + LIAN: YUN

totally doesn’t have feeling for her, yeah

yuta is obsessed and when i tell you he’s obsessed, he’s obsessed

did i mention obsessed?

he’s jealous of everyone :(

yun stans insist that the only reason yuta is so touchy with winwin and mark is because he’s trying to cover up his feelings for lian

bye if that’s true-

hyuck wanted to give her a hug (a rare occurrence) and yuta straight up just said,

“mine. go away”

i have proof guys :// johnny recorded it and literally posted it on instagram

lian died internally when yuta cut his long hair because she couldn’t put it into ponytails anymore :((

but his hair is growing back now so she’s able to do it again :)

yuta teaches her japanese every tuesday and thursday!

we don’t bring this up because it’s pretty embarrassing but,, when nct 127 were backstage before performing kick it, yuta asked doyoung (who was in a direction where he could get a clear view of lian’s face) if lian was staring at him

how do we know this, you may ask?

it was caught on camera and everyone made fun of him for a solid week straight

he’s caught staring at her from afar way too often for comfort

lian says that he’s very pretty

much like the other memebers that have instagram, he makes story countdowns that he posts about a week before lian plans to release her solo music

DOYOUNG + LIAN: LIDO

another member of the lian protection squad

doyoung was the first to start calling her cupcake

it all started when doyoung was sick and lian made him cupcakes to make him feel better

will slap anyone who makes a flirty remark towards lian

was embarrassed for yuta when he asked if she was staring at him

said “no” and walked away

lian is the only one who ever shows him any mercy :’)

they have very similar taste in decor so they often go shopping together for things to put around the dorm

doyoung said that he spends the most time in lian’s room because it smells like vanilla all the time

he spoils her SO MUCH

like so much

half the plushies she owns at the moment were gifts from doyoung

has a tendency to watch over her and make sure she’s content at all times

“cupcake, are you hungry? i can make you some food if you’d like” “oppa, it’s 3:00am-“ “and?”

they take such pretty instagram pictures :((

at one point in time, doyoung was jealous of his older brother because lian used to crush on him a tiny bit :0

not because doyoung likes her or anything, she just couldn’t stop talking about how nice he looked in revolutionary love

disapproves of the staff giving lian such short clothing sometimes

“um, excuse me, she can’t wear that. are you crazy? go get her a new outfit, please”

JAEHYUN + LIAN: JAELI

not many people bring this up because we know it’s honestly a sensitive topic :|

but he lowkey has deep feelings for her (he makes it so obvious sometimes it’s kinda disappointing to see how oblivious lian really is to it)

jaeli + yun love triangle anyways

jokes aside, though, jaehyun loves lian so so much

once cried to johnny about how he doesn’t know what to do and that he didn’t want to make anything awkward by confessing to her

makes sure to be near her as often as possible

once scared away a whole kim taehyung from talking to her during isac ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯ (let’s pretend bts were there for 2019 pls)

“jungkook, keep your friend away, please :D”

didn’t work, though, because they ended up having a conversation later in the day either way

*in the 97’ liner groupchat* “HYUNG IM SORRY HE RAN AWAY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DOl

it was uncalled for but what can you do amirite ┐(´～｀)┌

lian pokes his dimples a lot and squishes his cheeks

just randomly hugs him but he’s not complaining

johnny isn’t picking sides but he became team jaeli after jaehyun broke into tears in front of him for the first time since they were trainees about how much he loves lian

sad,, i know

lian judges jaehyun for not sleeping with sheets

continues to believe he is not a human being, but a robot created in a lab

jaehyun smiles at her for no reason

JUNGWOO + LIAN: LIWOO

an instant bond formed between them when they first met!

jungwoo learned a lot about her and has developed so many ways to deal with her anxiety :(

gave the staff a guide on how to keep her calm when he went on hiatus because he couldn’t be there with her

buys her colouring books because he knows that they calm her down well!

liwoo went viral and become a popular ship when lian accidentally changed the nct 127 instagram profile picture to a jungwoo icon

she got scolded but it was iconic orange haired jungwoo with a chain-

an untouchable duo when they do double aegyo

nctzens think jungwoo is her favourite member

maybe because lian said he was

“ “who’s your favourite member?” hmm i’ll have to say woo-oppa!”

*cue jungwoo laughing at yuta’s face because he was that shocked*

they share secrets with each other so now they probably know the other like the palm of their hand

even though he’s off his hiatus, he still has to guide the staff members through lian’s little moments because sm staff suck at their job sometimes

they’re the two members who go grocery shopping together

more like jungwoo dragging lian to the grocery store with him but okay

jungwoo loves kissing her cheeks (〃▽〃)

their vocals mixed together are confirmed to be noises from heaven

lian misses his blonde bowl cut :/

MARK + LIAN: LIMARK

leader of lian’s natural length hair committee

like when i tell you mark hates her extensions-

mark was the first friend lian was able to make in nct!

they bonded over canada and it was very rare to see them speaking in korean

mark goes into straight panic when he’s with her sometimes

has to remind himself they’re like siblings

lian ans mark covered “your eyes” by hoody and jay park during a vlive!

it was adorable :((

lian had him saved in her phone as “android user” but now she doesn’t know what to change it to

they had a fight in 2019

mark let’s her call him the weirdest freaking nicknames ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ﾉ

mars bar, markie, mork, marko

AND IN RETURN HE CALLS HER MARIJUANA-

he says it’s because czennies consider her to be addicting and since marijuana is addicting as well he thought it’d be a good fit

someone on twitter absolutely ENDED HIM though and wouldn’t stop making fun of him (；⌣̀_⌣́)

they can read each other’s mind just by looking at each other

“dude i hate this shit why does she keep asking us who we wanna collab with?” *cue lian laughing hysterically*

“what’s so funny (゜-゜)” — interviewer

HAECHAN + LIAN: LIHYUCK

haechan makes fun of her kissing scenes in dramas

calls her short all the time

“lian give me a high five- oh haha nevermind it’s too bad you’re so short”

they’ve actually been so close to fighting each other and i’m not even joking

they’re the two members who fight the most out of all of them

but despite this, they love each other very much

hyuck says he’s the only one who’s allowed to make her mad

and if anyone else makes her mad he’d kill them

limark 2019 fight flashbacks where haechan kept threatening mark

there are actually moments when they’re clingy with each other-

haechan loves her hugs :((

like ??????? one minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next, they’re all lovey dovey hugging each other make it make sense ?????

lian could be speaking english and he’d say, “korean, please. i can’t understand canadian”

“shut up <3”

hello haechan cried and wouldn’t let go of her during her and mark’s graduation ceremony in 2018

she makes fun of him for it but never takes it too far

he goes to her for dance advice

during their nct 2018 weekly idol appearance when they were doing the random kpop dance thing, they beat everyone أ‿أ

[morporkian-cryptid]

fic writer meme

Tagged by the awesome @the-golden-ghost. Thanks for the tag!

Tagging whoever wants to do this ^^

How many works do you have on AO3?

34! (I didn't think I had that many...) Although it's not ALL of my works, some of the old ones I didn't bring from FFnet when I migrated.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

...where do you find that metric?

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Lupin III (11 works), BBC Sherlock (10 works), Discworld (7 works), Sherlock Holmes and Related Fandoms (4 works, not including the BBC SH stuff), Avengers (1 crack fic). There was also a few French Webshows fics on my FFnet as well as a crack fic on Assassination Classroom.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Up in the mountains (127 kudos), my first fic in the Lupin III fandom, and somehow my highest-ranking fic ever! (JiGoe getting-together sick fic)

Treasures of time (124 kudos), a one-shot about Jigen and Lupin's relationship and their fears. Mutual pining and abandonment issues abound.

In the middle Part 1 (87 kudos), my first (and to date only) long fic in this fandom: the evolution of friendships, feelings and relationship among the Gang.

In the middle Part 2 (89 kudos), a continuation of the previous one, recounting how the Gang dealt with the tangle of their feelings for each other. Very drama, much misunderstandings, also Jigen and Fujiko have a sleepover.

We are beginning (86 kudos), basically just fluff without plot about the Polygang, their feelings for each other, the early days of their relationship, and cuddles. Lots of cuddles.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, always! Receiving comments is always great, so I want to encourage it! Also it's fun to chat with my readers ^^

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't do angsty endings. So I guess it would be Bad Dreams, if only because there's mutual pining that doesn't get resolved at the end. It's about Lupin having a nightmare, and going to Goemon for comfort.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I used to, haven't done so in a while. Actually, I think the only one I ever wrote was a Discworld/Harry Potter crossover back in high school. Also it's in French.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, never. Only positive reviews and constructive criticism. I'm very lucky in that regard, but then again I guess it comes with lack of popularity lol

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

I've written one smut scene, it was very difficult to write and I'm not planning to do it again any time soon.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've translated some of my own French fics to English, but I've never had anyone offer to do it for me.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I've tried my hand at co-writing an original novel, though. (we kinda gave up halfway through)

What’s your all time favorite ship?

LUPIN III POLYGANG. (what do you mean that counts as several ships?)

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I kinda started a thing about Goemon and Murasaki, but I had no idea where I was going.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at... I'm not even sure how it's called, but like, making effects with how you form the sentences and line breaks and single words and stuff like that? Also I'm good at getting nto (certain) characters' heads.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing Lupin or Fujiko. I always write them OOC. And starting and concluding scenes.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do that sometimes, but never more than one or two sentences if it's one language embedded in the middle of a dialogue in another one. If the whole dialogue is in a foreign language, I'll still write it in the same language as the narration (and if needed, indicate what language they're speaking).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Discworld. It's the main fandom I was in when I learned that fanfiction was a thing.

Technically it was La Quête d'Ewilan, but it was a crappy self-insert next-gen thing and I had no idea where i was going, didn't get past the prologue and never published anything. We don't talk about that one.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

It's In the middle. Honestly I'm worried I can't top that one.

[kenanda]

For the smut prompt a lonelyeyes mix of 106, 111 and 127? If you want only.

This took a while, but it was just too good a prompt not to give it my best shot. I hope you enjoy it.

Happy belated birthday!! Consider this your gift from moi <3 🎁🎉

prompt 106. “Were you just masturbating?” “U-uh..no, i was just..” “Want some help?” prompt 111. “You have no idea how much I want you.” prompt 127. “Are you wearing my shirt?”

CRAVING Rating: EXPLICIT Words: 5,7k Pairing: LonelyEyes Characters: Elias Bouchard; Peter Lukas; Tim Stoker; Martin Blackwood; Gertrude Robinson (mention); Jurgen Leitner (mention). Tags: Established Relationship; Parenthood; Smut; PWP; Mutual Pining; Fluff; Sweet; Masturbating; Cock sucking; Handjobs; Scent Kink; Fingering; Anal Fingering; Anal Sex; Dirty Talk; Banter; Wearing the other's clothes; Doting Parents!LonelyEyes; unbeta'd; Tim and Martin are their kids AGAIN

Disclaimer: These characters AREN’T mine. They belong to Rusty Quill’s The Magnus Archives. Warning: This work ISN’T SUITABLE for minors. It’s a NSFW piece of slash fiction. Therefore, if you’re a minor or in any way squicked by what’s in the tags, DO NOT READ!

Filthy, FILTHY LonelyEyes below the cut, my beloved. It's official, this is now a Verse.

Ever since they became parents, Peter and Elias haven’t known what alone time is anymore. Life is a jolly mess most of the time, with all things required for the rearing of two children. Even if the boys are now a bit older and can shoulder small responsibilities, it still seems like too much is going on at once.

Some days are more hectic than others, which often sends the two men to bed at 10PM feeling like they could sleep for days. Work hasn’t been any better in allowing for a break — Peter’s schedule has him away for months every now and again, and Elias can hardly ever catch a break from the Institute (he’s the Head, after all).

Needless to say, it all takes a toll on their love life. They can count in one hand the number of times they’ve had a weekend for themselves in the past few years. When they want sex, it’s always rushed and quiet, afraid that one of the kids will wake up because of a nightmare and ask to sleep with them.

Elias misses the days when he and Peter would go on long dates and weekend trips; catches himself thinking about those every once in a while, of how they would spare a day to stay in their room talking and getting each other off. They aren’t that young and horny anymore, but there’s still enough of that old spark that Elias will sometimes get turned on merely watching Peter doing mundane stuff, like doing the dishes.

To think that they didn’t get along at first. Elias chuckles whenever he remembers the first time they were together. Peter had been a cocky bastard, but Elias had been cockier and given Peter one hell of a show. Elias still has the eye tattoo on his stomach, but he had removed the nipple piercings once he’d started working. Peter had been so impressed by them, he had played and pulled on them with his teeth once they actually went on a proper date.

Elias lets out a nostalgic sigh.

“Everything alright?” Peter asks over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Elias breathes. “Fine. Just reminiscing about stuff.”

“Such as…?” Peter rinses a bowl of oatmeal.

“That time you used to be more of an insufferable arse.”

Peter snorts. “You’re one to talk, love.”

Elias can’t help a smile. “We turned out alright. Sometimes though, I miss those days.”

Peter’s disbelief is visible even from his back. “Really!? We used to be swamped all the time, and there was that professor, Jonah- Wouldn’t leave you alone. I think he wanted to — what was it he used to say — see you.”

Elias shudders with a disgusted noise and gets up. He circles Peter’s waist and hooks a chin over his shoulder, pressing their bodies flush enough that there’s no mistaking that he’s half-hard. Peter drops a spoon in the sink with a clatter.

“Oh, wow, hello there.”

Elias giggles. “I miss you,” he whispers. He gives Peter’s nape a slow, open mouthed kiss, causing the larger man to shiver.

“Elias…”

“I know, I know.” Elias pauses, buries his nose into Peter's neck, where his silver hair has grown past his ear. He smells so good. “I could take a day off tomorrow. We could ask Gertie to keep an eye on the boys over the weekend. She’s always delighted to see them.”

After the beach incident in which they had met, Gertrude Robinson had become a dear friend of the family. She and her husband (an old scholar with a booming voice and a gentle face called Jurgen) had a massive library and a collection of items from all over the world. The boys always returned home with strange facts about books and places of which neither Peter or Elias had ever heard. Gertrude also had a grandchild a year older than Martin, Jon, whom Martin had (at the tender age of seven) sworn to marry.

Peter thinks about it for a moment, but doesn’t sound too hopeful in his reply. “They’ll need me at work tomorrow. I already said I’d be there, and it could take a while.”

“Can’t always have it all...”

Peter turns around and holds Elias’s face to give him a kiss. Elias struggles at first because Peter’s hands are covered in suds, but eventually gives in. The kiss is slow and warm; if he isn't careful, Elias can easily get carried away with it. Peter’s growing beard is ticklish, but when it slides down his jaw and neck, Elias has to stifle a whimper.

“I’m sorry, love.”

Elias shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’ll survive.”

That’s not to say Elias’s body will just quit the yearning — it becomes quite self-evident when Peter pulls away and Elias is half-tempted to chase his lips.

But then one of the kids calls him and he needs to go. It's like that the whole day.

Elias only gets some blessed alone time with his husband before bed. Peter pulls him into a hug and they kiss until they have to stop before it gets too hot to ignore. Elias grabs Peter’s hand when it slides between them, because one thing will certainly lead to another.

“Pretty please?” Peter pouts. It looks outrageous on him and Elias barks out a laugh.

Peter smiles, but it fades into something else — something charged. They are kissing again before they know it, and it’s insane how well Peter fits between his legs. The weight of his larger body on top of him, pressing down where it feels so good, has Elias wrapping both legs around his waist and using them for leverage. Peter hums in approval.

At least, Elias is not alone in his lust. Peter is usually quieter about his wants and needs, but once he’s into it, he’s ready to go all the way. Perhaps Elias should’ve been more careful, because now he has to live with the knowledge that Peter is right there and that he wants it just as bad as Elias.

They are humping through their clothes and Elias is ready to make a mess of his pants just like that when there’s a yell from down the hall. Elias’s head snaps up and he all but tosses Peter off of him to leap up and grab his robes.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

“Is it Martin again,” Peter rubs his eyes tiredly, pulling a pillow over his clothed erection.

“Coming! Daddy is coming!” Elias yells back.

Afterwards, they cuddle in shared frustration until they fall asleep. When Elias wakes up the next morning, Peter’s boner is poking his arse, so he gives it a wistful little press. Peter groans and holds Elias there with an arm around his waist. Peter grinds up and Elias huffs into the pillow.

“Wanna finish what we started?”

“Be late for work,” Elias points out. Peter swears, but lets him go.

They’re out an hour later; Elias drops the kids off and heads to work. Heavy clouds of sleep deprivation and sexual frustration hang ominously above his head.

Thankfully, work is something he can lose himself in. He’s good at what he does and there’s something soothing about all those Excel sheets. Coupled with the steady hum of the AC, they almost make Elias forget his troubles.

But then he sees the flyer for this new jazz café that had opened a few months ago, where he had intended to take Peter on a date but never managed to make time, and his face falls. Damn, he misses his husband’s presence, his silly jokes and ridiculous sailor stories.

Lunch hour comes in a blink; Elias is poking a fork into his salad with an utter lack of enthusiasm when his phone chirps with an incoming message. He wipes his mouth and sees that it’s from Peter.

It’s a picture of Peter standing in front of a tall restroom mirror. He’s wearing the big old ratty coat he’d left with this morning, but it’s pulled halfway to the side to reveal Peter’s hand clutching the sizable girth of him through his grey slacks.

Elias chokes on lettuce.

What’s the meaning of this???

Been thinking of you. A lot. — is Peter’s swift reply.

Well, Elias has too, but not to this extent. Can I call you?

Peter calls him instead. “Hey.”

“Are you mad!? I’m in the middle of work!”

Peter laughs. “You talk as if you don’t have a cushy office all to yourself to play as you wish.”

“Yes, at least I can say that. You on the other hand, you’ve got a bloody crew swarming you every day.”

“I’m not on the ship right now. And there are stalls here.”

“You’re hiding in the loo?!”

“Had to. Wouldn’t stop thinking of you. Now, do you want to play?”

“You can’t be doing what I think you’re doing. What if someone comes in?”

There’s something hot and heavy about Peter's chuckle that makes Elias shudder. “A while ago, you’d be the first to say fuck it.”

“Well, apparently one of us has grown past that.”

“I bet you wouldn’t refuse if you could see how hard I am right now.”

It’s a bait. Elias knows it’s a cheap bait and that he’s gonna fall straight for it if he isn't careful. When he reaches down, he notices that he’s hard too. Shit.

“I’m not gonna do this. Bloody hell, not in the middle of work. Fucking Rosie could walk in. Did you know I have a reputation to maintain?” Elias pinches the bridge of his nose. “This can wait until we’re home.”

“We won’t have time then,” Peter replies. “And I miss you too, you know.”

Elias makes a pained little noise. “You have no idea how much I want you right now. But this will wait. We’ll figure it out.”

“How much? Show me.”

"Peter," Elias warns.

Peter gives it up with a breathy laugh. "Okay," he whispers. “See you at home. Love you.”

“You too.”

Apparently, Elias’ ability to stick to reason is intact even with his horny-addled brain. He lets out a deep exhale after the call is over.

The next ten minutes are spent willing his boner to go down by and focusing on work. It’s uncomfortable, but he manages. It gives him a headache for the rest of the day and much to think about — and even more to look forward to.

Unfortunately for both, Peter shoots him a message later on telling Elias that he will be home late and not to wait for him. The boys are disappointed, because it was film night and Peter had promised to watch Return of the King with them. Elias is sad, too; Peter had come back from three months at sea not a week ago, but again they have to be apart.

Elias helps the kids with homework and gets on a work call that drags on for an hour, which only serves to worsen his headache.

During dinner, Elias is taken aback by how observant his youngest is. Martin’s Daddy must be wearing his sourest look, for it prompts the boy to pat Elias’ hand (exactly how Peter does when someone’s upset) and tell him:

“Don’t be sad, Daddy. Dad will be home soon and then you can complain to him about work.”

Elias nearly chokes on food the second time that day. Tim chimes in.

“Yeah, dad. Don’t worry about it. The old man knows what he’s doing.” And without missing a beat, with those big brown eyes of his. “Can I play before bed?”

“Definitely not. You’ll wake up cranky tomorrow.” Tim pouts, tries again, but Elias’s word is final (even if he feels soft after their comforting words). “Thank you, boys. I know how much you look forward to movie night. I’m sorry it didn’t work.”

Tim shrugs, digging into his pasta. Martin is quick to come up with a solution.

“Can you read for us, daddy?”

That catches Tim’s attention. Elias crosses both hands over the table.

“Oh? What would you like me to read?”

Martin leaps out of the chair and thrusts a tomato-sauce covered spoon up in the air. “The adventures of the incredible Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag-End!” he roars.

Tim rolls his eyes.

It doesn’t take them long to sleep with Elias reading The Hobbit. Well, it doesn’t take Tim long to sleep (he’s heard this story countless times before and it's a favourite, even if now he says it's for babies) — Martin is paying close attention and interrupting Elias every now and again to ask questions. When the youngest finally drifts off, Elias tucks him in and puts the book back on the shelf.

Tim is almost as tall as Elias now, but Elias can still pick him up from Martin’s bed and carry him to his own bedroom. For someone who wanted to play video games and rolled his eyes at their book choice, his oldest fell asleep very swiftly.

Elias clears the dinner table, does the dishes and puts the rest of the food away. It’s a little past 10PM now and Peter is still not home. Elias only hopes nothing bad has happened (especially after today’s surprise).

Elias finally has a chance to shower and spends five minutes just letting the hot water spray massage his back. He considers touching himself — the awareness that he could use an orgasm and that now is the perfect time to achieve it is very present within him — but before he comes to a decision, he’s already stepped out of the bathroom.

Peter’s sleep t-shirt seems to eye him from the bed as Elias pats himself dry. Should he? After all, why not? He misses the old fool.

Elias pulls the t-shirt on and has to suppress a laugh at how silly he looks, greying brown curls plastered to his forehead and lean body looking too small in that tee — Peter is many sizes larger than him, so the item reaches halfway down his thighs. Elias pulls on some underwear and crawls into bed with a book. The t-shirt is so large that he has to keep adjusting it lest it falls below his shoulder.

For the first hour, Elias tries to read. He really, really does. But perhaps wearing Peter’s clothes hadn’t been his brightest idea. The item is soaked in Peter’s scent, which is positively distracting. Elias catches himself reading the same line three times and lets out a frustrated groan.

“Okay, fine! Fine, I’ll do it!”

Elias shoves the book onto the bedside table and ducks beneath the duvets, lying on his side. He’ll make this as quick as he can and then he’ll go the fuck to sleep.

He runs a hand down his chest, but it feels more perfunctory than pleasant. When it's Peter doing it, it has Elias shivering in no time. Elias closes his eyes and tries to relax, tries to think of how it feels when Peter rubs a rough palm over his nipples and kisses his belly until he squirms.

Elias has left the door open and his ears peeled to any sounds of little steps in the hallway, so it takes a while to concentrate on the ways his body is reacting.

Eventually though, it becomes easier — there have been no steps, no sounds but the soft little puffs of air that he’s letting out. One of his hands is rubbing a nipple through the t-shirt and the other is cupping his cock. Pleasure finally takes over when he presses that hand down his pelvis and a shiver runs up his body, arching his back.

Elias slips a hand under the waistband of his underwear and wraps it around his cock to pull back the skin. It’s getting hot and damp under the duvets, but Elias doesn’t plan to make this long. Just a bit more and he’ll come.

A twist of his wrist has him shuddering and letting out a breathy curse. Elias pulls the too-large shirt up to his nose and takes a big inhale. His mind is filled with Peter and he darts a tongue out for a taste, but gets none.

Still, he has had Peter in his mouth times enough to remember his taste. It makes Elias wet at the tip. He’s so close, so fucking close — but he’s also tempted to keep edging himself; keep thinking of all the things he wishes Peter would do to him. It’s been too fucking long, and he knows that if he doesn’t give his body what it wants every once in a while, it will just keep coming back to bother him.

But then again, the mess… And he’s so close, so, so close. Just a bit more, just drown out everything else.

Elias is so lost in his chase that doesn’t hear it when the front door clicks open; nor when a heavy coat is hung on the hallway pegs; doesn’t notice some of the lights being turned on and off, and is completely oblivious to the figure standing on the threshold and the socked steps that carry the man inside.

Elias only notices that Peter has arrived home when the duvet is gently pulled back and Peter’s smiling face pokes into his line of view — but by the time Peter has let out a soft “hey darling, what are you doing” Elias has already let out a blood-curdling scream and punched him in the face.

Peter falls flat on his bum with an expletive. “Jesus! What the fuck, Elias!”

Elias clutches his chest, breathing hard. “Oh- Oh Lord Jesus. My heart, my poor heart.” He turns to Peter with murder in his eyes. “What the hell were you thinking sneaking in like that?!”

Peter gets up, rubbing his sore bum. “I didn’t exactly try to sneak in, maybe you just didn’t hear me. I wasn’t particularly trying to be quiet. What the hell are you doing still up anyway?”

Elias ignores him. He snaps his head to the hallway. “Do you think the kids heard it?”

Peter shrugs, still sore.

“Get on!”

Peter grudgingly goes to check on the kids, but comes back shaking his head. Elias falls back into bed with a relieved sigh. Peter takes up a spot near the edge.

“What are you doing up? It’s way past midnight.”

Elias then remembers that his (now very much limp) dick is still out under the duvets. “Nothing much, I was just reading.”

“You were reading under the covers in the dark.”

Elias nods.

Peter isn’t convinced, but that gives way to a confused frown. “Hold on, is that my t-shirt?”

Elias looks down as if he hadn’t realised he had been wearing it. “Huh. I guess.”

Peter’s frown deepens. He touches the duvet. Elias clutches it and holds it down on reflex. Peter’s mouth opens in an accusing “oh!”

Peter can be very stubborn when he sets his mind upon something. This time, said something happens to be getting the covers out of the way.

Elias curls in on himself and burrows deeper into the duvet, but Peter (the cheap bastard that he is) resorts to tickling. Elias muffles an ugly laugh into the pillow. Peter is laughing too.

“Stop! Fuck, I’ll show you, stop!” Elias wheezes. Peter’s laughter dies off. He combs Elias’s damp hair backwards and kisses his cheek.

Elias sits up and pulls the duvet aside, feeling completely undignified. His cock is poking out above the underwear, but at least the t-shirt is covering it.

It’s enough for Peter to put two and two together.

“Were you masturbating?”

“No. Like I said, I was reading.”

Peter reaches for the hem of the shirt. Elias grabs his hand. “I said I was reading.”

Peter drops it, lets his hand fall to Elias’s thigh. A moment later, he gives it a squeeze. “Want some help?”

Elias narrows his eyes at him, then glances at the clock. Way, way past midnight.

The squeeze is back, travelling upwards. In spite of his better judgement, Elias’s legs fall open to give it more access and he sighs in defeat. So much for a steely resolve.

Peter slides a palm under the shirt but doesn’t get the item out of the way. Rather, he caresses Elias’s stomach and lower pelvis. Elias shivers deliciously; he’d been dreaming of this all day.

“You’ve been holding back a lot today,” Peter points out after Elias gets hard with just some light teasing. Peter hasn’t even touched his cock.

Elias wiggles to get Peter to touch him, slides down the bed. The invitation is clear enough, but Peter seems to be waiting for a verbal one. “I was being a sensible adult.”

Peter smiles. “Thought you’d like a bit of sexting. You used to love it back in uni.”

Elias had always been weak to Peter’s eyes, especially when they’re looking at him as if he’s something to be slowly savoured and then swallowed. Elias rolls his hips, staring at Peter’s hand on his inner thigh. The movement almost makes it touch his cock, but misses it for a few inches. Elias huffs in frustration.

“Thought you said you were going to help.”

“I can only help if you tell me what you want.”

Elias rolls his eyes at him. Peter waits happily.

“Touch me.”

“Where?”

“My cock.” Elias wants to punch him when Peter merely raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. “Touch my cock, please?”

If that doesn’t do it, Elias is getting a divorce. To his delight, it awakens something in Peter that makes his eyes go dark with lust.

“Fuck, yes. But it’s too dry- Where’s the-” Elias passes him the lube before Peter finishes the sentence. “Love you.”

Peter squirts some lube onto his palms and rubs them together. They’re cool when they touch Elias’s inner thighs and drag down, massaging the region and getting it all wet.

Elias sighs, eyes fluttering momentarily. He can’t help but roll his hips to ease some of the tension. He’s so hard and Peter is taking so long — but when he finally does it, Elias hisses through clenched teeth.

“Feels good, love?”

Elias bites his lower lip, chin tucked to his chest as he watches that big fist pumping wetly around his cock. Only the glistening head is visible, hot red and ready to shoot. Peter rubs a thumb under his frenulum and Elias sees stars.

“Ah, shit,” he sobs, grabbing fistfuls of the too large t-shirt and fucking into Peter’s fist, because the squeeze is so damn good.

Will Peter mind if Elias sniffs his shirt? Fuck it. Elias balls up some fabric and pulls it to his nose. The action doesn’t escape Peter; in fact, he seems entertained by it.

Elias notices his husband’s amusement only through half-lidded eyes, because every single part of his body feels like molasses right now.

“Look at you, ’s like you’re drunk in it.” Peter licks a finger and presses it up Elias’s perineum.

The pressure sends a thick dollop of pre-cum leaking down Elias’s cock. Elias’s eyes roll back into their sockets. Peter taunts him further.

“Want me to put my mouth on you or do you want something better to sniff on?”

“Fuck you and your dirty mouth.”

Peter laughs. “You can, baby. Always loved the way you shiver when you come down my throat.”

Elias points a weak finger towards the door. “Close that first.”

Peter goes and Elias hears the unmistakable sound of a lock falling into place. Peter sheds his shirt and trousers on the way back. Elias can see the outline of his cock against his underwear and makes grabby hands at it.

Peter chuckles and stands next to the headboard. “Can’t decide?”

Elias forgoes the shirt in favour of leaning over the edge and burying a face into Peter’s groin. He takes a deep inhale and mouths at it, dragging his tongue all the way up.

“Fuck,” he groans. “I’ve missed this.”

Peter moans above him and cradles his nape, pulling at the fine hairs there to make Elias shiver. Elias gives his own cock a few lazy pumps while his mouth is busy getting Peter’s underwear all damp.

Elias steals a glance at the digital clock again and whines. Peter asks him what’s wrong.

“I want to fuck you so bad right now, but look at the time.”

“I am looking. It’s working fine.”

Elias swats at him. “I’m serious!”

Peter lets go of Elias’s nape to cradle his face, guiding him upwards. Elias follows it, standing on his knees.

“I’ve bought Red Bull,” Peter confides, and that’s the most beautiful thing to ever come out of his mouth. Elias melts a little just then.

Peter grabs his arse and pulls him to himself. The feel of his underwear is rough against Elias’s cock, but Elias ruts into it. The hand on Elias’s face has now slid to wrap loosely around his neck. Elias pulls Peter’s underwear down and Peter wiggles out of them.

Peter’s cock hangs heavy where it’s nestled amid the thick silver hair on his groin. Elias’s mouth waters at the sight of it, but he eagerly presses them together. The hairs on Peter’s chest and lower abdomen feel coarse against his skin, but Elias loves every second of it. It will leave him tender and pink tomorrow, but he doesn’t care.

Peter pulls him into a kiss that is everything Elias has been craving all day — it doesn’t stop at his mouth, but drags down his jaw and neck, making him pliant. Peter moves his face from one side to the other to nip under his ear and suck bruises onto his collarbones.

“Got rubber?” Elias asks. Peter growls affirmatively.

It’s been a while, but they know how the other likes it. Elias is dripping wet with lube while Peter preps him. Elias would usually prefer his own fingers (much slimmer than Peter’s) at first, but right now he’s turned on enough that the slight burn of the stretch feels perfect. Elias lies on the pillows and lets Peter work his magic.

Peter kneels between his legs and fingers him as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, curling up his fingers to milk Elias’s cock. Elias arches his back and watches dollop after dollop of pre-cum leak from his tip.

“Peter, I swear- to God… If you make me come like this-”

Whatever Elias had thought of saying is completely wiped from his mind when Peter leans down and gives his cockhead a gentle suck, as easy as someone scooping some ice-cream with their tongue.

Elias swears at Peter, but he can’t do much else besides clench his hands and teeth and try to keep from coming. He was so close just now; only a brief touch of Peter’s tongue and his cock is now throbbing, legs shaking so hard he has to suck in his stomach to not orgasm right then and there.

“It would be a sight to behold. You are a sight to behold.”

“Cut the crap, please cut the crap and just fuck me. Fuck, I’m so hard it hurts, you bastard.”

“Then come, love.”

“I don’t wanna come without you inside me.”

Elias should be embarrassed to find that his eyes are glistening with moisture. These can’t be tears. He refuses to believe that he’s crying during sex.

Peter wipes the corner of his eye, boops Elias’s nose with his own and gives him a gentle peck.

“Okay,” Peter whispers.

Peter rolls condoms on himself and Elias, then arranges a pillow under Elias to prop him up and slides home. The size of him fills Elias up so good, so perfect — all the way down to those wiry silver curls. Sure, topping Peter also felt brilliant — but if he’s true to himself, Elias rather likes it up the arse.

They fall into a nice rhythm — whispering disconnected praises and curses. Elias keeps a hand on the headboard for leverage, rolling his hips to meet Peter’s own, re-learning where it feels good. He reminds himself that this is supposed to be quick, just a bit of rough friction before they can’t hold it anymore.

But feeling Peter’s hand clutching his waist, relishing in the delicious push and pull, seeing Peter’s fuzzy pecs flex with the easy effort of taking him — it all has Elias clenching around Peter’s cock and reaching out to trace the lines of his chest.

“Fuck, I should be telling you to go faster.”

“Do you want to go faster?”

“No… I want to keep taking your cock until sunrise.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to stop at some point for rest, but if you’re up to it, I’m all yours.”

Elias smiles, but his eyebrows twitch when Peter finds that spot and fucks into him, pressing right up against it.

“You see I want that, but when you do this… I want you to leave me all sore.”

“You’re a man of many wishes.”

Elias grins. “Think you can answer them?”

Peter pats his leg. “On your hands and knees, then.”

Arse up in the air, Elias stifles a laugh when Peter squirts more lube onto his hole and drags his cock over it.

Peter pushes back in with a smile. “What is it?”

“Just remembered something. When we first-” Elias hisses when Peter spreads his legs further and angles his thrusts just right. “Yeah, right there. Fuck… When we first had sex. I couldn’t believe you were just bringing people to your room and never doing this to them.”

Peter holds his hips like his hands belong there, finally giving it to him hard and fast. Elias has to clutch the sheets, but damn, that’s more like it. The t-shirt has balled up near his face and he keeps breathing in Peter’s scent.

“Uh- yeah. Hah, that was a long time ago. Is this OK, love?”

Elias nods. “Yeah. Bit rougher would be even nicer though.”

Peter grunts and his hands slide upwards. “Don’t want to hurt you, but if you say you can take it...”

Elias’s waist used to be so lean that Peter’s fingertips almost touched circling around it. Now that Elias is a bit better padded, they grab his flesh with a bit of loving violence while Peter ruts into him. Elias prays that this million pound house has thick enough walls that the noise of skin on skin won’t bleed out.

Elias wraps a loose hand around his cock, but that mere touch is enough to bring him closer to the edge. The fact that he feels so wonderfully used for Peter’s pleasure also does things to his head, because every grunt of Peter’s feels like a small victory.

Peter continues, fondly. “You used to be so fucking shameless. I’m still sad you had to remove the nip piercings.”

“It was easier- Oh, oh! Yes, just like that!” Elias presses his face into the bed, panting open-mouthed against the mattress. “It was easier- Easier,” he tries to continue, but Peter is fucking him so good that he can’t complete his line of thought.

“...that way?” Peter supplies.

Elias nods. He feels half out of it already. “I think- Gonna come. S-so good...”

Peter’s approving hum is followed by him dropping part of his weight onto Elias’s back, which forces Elias flat into the mattress. Elias gasps, loud and breathless and more in love with Peter than ever before. His husband knows that he’s a sucker for a bit of choking and is giving him exactly what he needs.

Peter thrusts harder, deeper, and it only takes a moment of Elias to come — the pressure and the friction too good to resist. Peter has to wrap a hand over his mouth to quieten his moaning. Elias shudders with the aftershocks, Peter’s still moving inside him almost too much to bear.

“God, you squeeze me so good every time,” Peter breathes into his nape. “I’ve missed this.”

Elias can’t breathe; tears gather freely on the corners of his eyes, but Peter doesn’t get off until he comes, too — it feels like orgasm drags on forever in an agonised bliss.

Elias shivers when Peter pulls out. It always gets a bit dry towards the end, but the burn and the stretch leave Elias tingly and sated — and now, completely boneless.

Peter eases him onto his side and removes the now damp t-shirt, chucking it aside; he then ties off both their condoms. The one that Elias has been wearing has almost slipped off; his flaccid cock now covered in spunk. Peter kneels between his legs and takes him into his mouth, causing Elias to seize with oversensitivity and nearly pull off chunks of Peter’s hair.

Peter pulls off of him with a wet pop, looking like the cat that got the cream. Elias sags and drapes an arm over his head, damp chest going up and down.

“Feeling better?” Peter asks. He caresses Elias’s thighs gently, barely even there. It makes pleasant goosebumps rise on Elias’s skin.

“God, you’ve ruined me…” Elias croaks. “You’ve fucked my brains out, Mr. Lukas.”

Peter chuckles. “Good.” He kisses Elias’s knee, his belly, his chest. Elias buries his fingers into his hair. “Gonna get something to clean you up.”

“Wait, just. Just stay like this for a bit.”

“Feeling like some post-coital cuddling, Mr. Bouchard?”

“Ugh,” Elias untangles his fingers from his perfect silver hair. “Now you’ve ruined it. Just go.”

Peter gives a rumbling chuckle that resounds through Elias’s chest. “No, thinking about it, I rather like it here. I get to see all your freckles.”

“Hm. Have you finally managed to count how many of them there are?”

“Nope,” Peter kisses his stomach, over the Eye tattoo. “But I’m still on it!”

Elias yawns. “Good- Good luck.”

“Gee, I really ought to get something to clean you up. At this rate you’ll end up sleeping.”

Elias snorts with his eyes closed. “Already am.”

Peter kisses his nose and leaves him be. When Elias wakes up the next day, he notices three things: one, Peter actually did give him a wipe down; two, he is very much aware of all the sleep he didn’t get last night; and three, he’s got an easy smile on for the rest of the day that he can’t deny.

[dojae-huh]

i dropped my thought about jhndo here before thinking this is dy's way of making up to jhn when they were distant like that time he didn't tell jhn about his musical and jhn loving to be spoiled. seeing what's been happening, i still stand by my opinion and like another anon and huh said that when dy pushes something, he really pushes it blatantly. again not saying their friendship is fake but i guess that this is dy's way of reassuring especially for someone who needs it loud and clear like jhn. thinking back to the 127 documentary, jhn mentioned the need to feel needed. i'm just guessing but it's not impossible that that was dy's first time hearing about jhn staying cos of his letter OR he already knew but seeing jhn being open about it in the documentary, he wants to be more openly appreciate. many factors combined maybe.

that documentary and the maldives photoshoot probably helped them talk more and the jeju trip. i don't think dy expected jhn to go at first and jhn even misheard (do you want to and can you come). but since it happened that way, i think dy really appreciated it and everything got aired and publicized through the documentary vids.

maybe dy will keep being open about jhn but that's because it's how they are. like how ty is so open about dy while dy acts the tom and jerry way. some people are open and expect the same in return, some people are fine with other ways of expression.

now people on x are like jhndo dating but i think most are joking and see them as close friends while jhndo core fandom really rejoices in the ship. but no matter how they are these past months, jhn has been like that to many other members all these times so i acknowledge that he and dy appreciate each other a lot and their late addition to 127 bonded them but i still don't see them the way jhndo shippers do.

even though some jhndo shippers shade jaedo shippers, and some jaedo shippers shade them too.. even though some of us are saddened by how little dy showed or revealed about jh these days, understandably so since they are busy and i do miss them too, i'm still a jaedo supremacist lol seeing how jh was quiet about his drink support at first, can be endearingly slow, clumsy, random in how he expresses his affection, let's wait for those moments he becomes more obvious again and the random unexplainable cute moments like how jh was during dy's concert. on dy's end, well... it's admittedly harder to hope for something but when it happens, it happens.

words are sure loud and we want reassurance from them but what doesn't get spoken out loud as often isn't any less important. that's a pattern with jaedo and is reflected in their interviews and the way they act, especially after jh leaves the nest and grows up hehe 🫂

btw i read variations of translations about jhn coming on the last day so i still don't know if he invited himself on the last day instead of going with the other neos or if dy offered the last day. but it made sense either way. if it's self invitation, no surprise. i even thought he would come on the last day since i saw the others on the first day. if dy invited, no surprise either cos he met the concert team and there's the beer fam thing now.

saying this in a matter of fact way, no shade, it's jhn's nature. he thrives on attention and being loud about it. jh loves attention from dy too but i'm sure we all see how much more lowkey in the way he tries to get it, or he bides his time to deliver the punchline as we have seen numerous times.

i'm not good at observing as huh but want to share some two cents here. we probably will never get jaedo loud and clear in the traditional sense but they love each other in their own ways.

------------

I will comment on JohnDo after I catch up with content.

Fair warning to others: I won't post anymore Asks about how little there is JaeDo content in comparison with JohnDo if it will be written in a complaining and not analysing tone. JaeDo need to hide, they don't do it because they want to. They are made by circumstances: their celebrety status, and Korea being a homophobic country. Casting even a slight shade on how Doyoung goes about things is wrongful. I do not like that the discussion is shifting into some ship and shipper competition, when JaeDo is a real couple (as believed and stated on this blog). Enough.

[diffuserlover]

Hi! I was wondering if I could request a personality ship with NCT 127, Stray Kids, and Ateez? No rush of course.

Basics about me: My big three are Gemini Sun, Leo Rising, and Taurus moon (quite an interesting combination I've been told). I wouldn't say I'm shy but I'm a more quiet individual. I'm not always the best at expressing myself through words so I tend to communicate through actions and expressions instead. I also tend to get lost in my own thoughts a lot and can end up zoning out without realizing it. However overall I'm a very open and affectionate person. Someone you can go to if you need emotional support or just someone to listen to you vent rather than give advice (lowkey awful at that). Once I'm close to someone I am loyal to a fault and will do almost anything for them. A lot of my love language comes from actions whether that be physical affection, giving them random gifts, or just doing cute/silly things to make them smile. I will admit I can also be kind of clingy and sensitive when it comes to my inner circle so I try my best to avoid confrontation and often take things to heart when I shouldn't. Since I'm awful at voicing how I feel about something I'll often just go quiet if somethings wrong until it either blows over or someone forces me to acknowledge it.

I'm that really creative person who takes on a million jobs and hobbies but never actually commits to any of them. My attention span is basically nonexistent and I have a million ideas at once so I start projects then never finish them. I'm also very committed to my studies and often burn myself out by taking on too many tasks at once if I don't pay attention. Like I think I can handle all the work and very quickly realize I can't. The few hobbies I actually managed to keep interest in are baking, writing, and watercolor painting.

Other likes and interests of mine include: Music, Movies (specifically fantasy or horror), nature and going on walks, animals, sweet foods, nighttime, cold weather, and jokes/riddles as I have a rather childish sense of humor. Things I dislike include: being too hot, clothes that are too revealing, dark humor, and I am extremely scared of heights and "deep" water (things like swimming pools, the ocean, etc. Anything that goes above my knees essentially.) I also startle easily since I'm not always paying attention which is pretty embarrassing.

My ideal partner would be someone who I can just be open and comfortable around, they balance my personality but also push me out of my comfort zone a bit. Like it doesn’t matter if we go out on a fun date or just sit in the same room enjoying each other's presence because the mood is the same. They don’t have to be overly affectionate but I can be clingy or cuddly so they would have to be okay with that. Also someone who is passionate about what they do is really admirable to me. Bonus points if they can match my sense of humor and help me break out of my shell a bit more.

This is kinda long and I apologize but thank you so much in advance! I hope you are doing well!

Hi! Thank you so much for requesting!! No need to apologize for it being too long!! I hope you like them<3

NCT127:

I ship you with…

Jaehyun

He has said that he can be quite sensitive and emotional sometimes and we wants someone who he can lean on, I think your that person

He leans on you a lot for support and sometimes just to have someone listen to him and of course he listens to you and let’s you use him as support

You guys definitely like to cuddle, he hates to admit how much you guys actually do

He has tried multiple times to have you get over your fear of water but he doesn’t push you too far, but you guys still go swimming together even if that means you watch him from the side he still enjoys being with you

You guys are the definition of comfortable silence, Jaehyun and you don’t find the need to always be talking

He told himself that he wouldn’t like the amount of physical affection you give him but he absolutely adores it

Give him back hugs as he makes you breakfast in the morning, if you don’t no breakfast for you(I’m serious)

He loves that you always try to cheer him up and always make him smile, even the thought of you makes him smile he’s that whipped

Jaehyun is an active person so you guys go on a lot of walks and hikes to get out of the house and it’s something you both like

He can always tell when your zoned out and he just loves being an asshole, he always grabs your shoulders scaring the hell out of you

He appreciates the fact that your loyal to him because he takes relationships seriously

One thing Jaehyun hates is when you close your self off, he likes communicating instead of pushing those problems back so he’s pushing your limits to get more comfortable with confrontation but this is one of the only big stressors in your relationship

Overall, you guys have a comfortable and loving relationship<33

Stay Kids:

I ship you with…

Hyunjin

Hyunjin likes to read so he often asks to read your writings and give you feedback, none of his feedback is super bad he mostly just praises you for your hard work and good writing

You guys paint together a lot, your art styles are very different but you still paint with each other

One time you two decided to paint each other, he loves his so much and has it hung up above his bed at the dorms

Hyunjin is also a more sensitive guy so he comes to talk to you a lot

He just loves the way you actually listen, he goes to you with things he doesn’t want or can tell the members

Wipe his tears please, he cries during sad movies a lot

Clingy couple, you guys are both hella clingy but you guys don’t mind, Hyunjin just doesn’t like to do it in public

He loves gifts, handmade to expensive he loves and treasures them the same

I feel like you both aren’t very good at expressing with words your emotions which can make growing as a couple stand still but you guys support each other into opening up more

Hyunjin always gets scared during horror movies, protect him I’m begging you

He probably teases you a little bit about your fears but doesn’t take them too far

I say Hyunjin fits your ideal type pretty well, he’s very dedicated to his job and loves the support from you

Overall, you guys are really fun and sweet:)

ATEEZ:

I ship you with…

Wooyoung

He is the complete opposite of you and he brings how a more open and extroverted person out of you

He makes you feel comfortable and you surprisingly got close to home pretty quick compared to before

Another clingy couple

Wooyoung is all about physical affection

He often stares at you when you zone out laughing a little before scaring you out of your daydream

Wooyoung loves to mess with you but sometimes it can go to far

But Wooyoung always feels bad, he can tell when you get upset

Wooyoung finds it so funny how quiet you are compared to him

When Wooyounv gets in his feelings and is upset he feels embarrassed about it cause he is known as the funny guy the one that’s always happy, so he GREATLY appreciates you listening and trying to make him feel better

He likes the fact that you guys listen, you don’t even have to say anything back just being there and listening is enough for him

Wooyoung also has no attention span, so the two of you do a lot together because you can’t just sit still and do one activity

You guys definitely go out more than you stay in

Wooyoung loves the food you make, especially the sweets

He loves to push you outside of your comfort zone and support you in that

Overall you guys have an interesting relationship!!