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#i feel so stuck. i just want out of this doing things always shit.
luvhughes43 · 21 hours
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BOYFRIEND | quinn hughes
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[luvhughes43 masterlist🌙]
based off the song boyfriend by ariana grande
summary: every summer without fail you and quinn fall back into old habits... you two aren't official but the feelings are there.
word count: 3.4k
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i'm a motherfuckin' train wreck i don't wanna be too much but i don't wanna miss your touch and you don't seem to give a fuck
all of your life you had four loves. there was shitty reality television, your home state-michigan, your summers at your familys lake house, and then there was quinn hughes.
you had always loved him even if you hadn't recognized it yourself. back then, both of your parents would make little comments about how they're going to end up together one day! but when you stayed in michigan and quinn moved to vancouver everything changed.
when quinn left school to pursue hockey you assumed that your friends with benefits situation would fizzle out. but it hadn't. and so youre left wanting as you watch the brunet boy trapeze around his backyard - greeting boys he'd seen countless times over the hockey season while you were stuck at school.
when you finally do catch this eye, he waltz over with a shit-eating grin. "hey, haven't seen you in awhile," he teases, pulling you under his impressive arm. you stumble into his side with practice ease and quinn tilts his head to look down your solo cup. "the fuck is that?"
you hold the cup over your head to where you assumed his lips would be, "i dont know jack made it - 'could be anything,"
quinn reaches for the cup and takes a measured sip. "that'll kill you," he winces, spilling the cups contents on the grass and tossing the cup along with it.
you sigh, peeved. quinn did this thing where he assumes he knows what's best. "i was actually drinking that,"
"yeah, yeah, i'll get you something else," he says distractedly as someone from across the yard flags him down.
just as quinns about to leave again you grab his arm and pull him back to you. even though you're embarrassed to ask you lower your voice and whisper, "when am i going to see you again?"
quinn pauses. "like, are we gonna..."
you remain silent, not wanting to say what you truly want. it was easier to hint at your forays instead of being honest about things. "i'll catch up with you tonight, promise" he kisses the underside of your wrist before shouting playfully to someone in the distance.
i don't wanna keep you waiting but i do just what i have to do and i might not be the one for you but you ain't about to have no boo
an hour later you wander inside the boy's house to grab yourself a refill. there was still no sign of quinn - and so you decide to unwind a little bit before the night truly got underway. every year the guys would host a party to reign in the end of the season. guys from across the country would travel and spend a week in michigan celebrating with packs of zyns, cases of beer, and endless rounds of golf.
"zyn?" trevor zegras says as he holds out a small white pouch towards you. you shake your head no and trevor shoves the circular box back into his short pockets.
"i heard he's single," a girl to your left whispers loudly to a group of her friends. trevors head turns instinctively,but you pay the group of girls no attention.
"ten bucks they're talking about me," trevor leans down and whispers.
"twenty bucks they're not," you announce back and then the two of you messily shake on it. you probably shouldn't have gone to jack for a refill on his concoction but quinn was taking too long so...
"well quinns hot so if he is single, i'll try it," you're not sure what it was exactly but your face heats up regardless. beside you, trevor groans and fishes his wallet out of his back pocket.
youre pretty sure he tries to hand you a wad of crumpled up ones but you were no longer paying attention to trevor or your bets. instead, your focus shifted to a gorgeous blonde hyping herself up to go and talk to your best friend.
'cause I know we be so complicated but we be so smitten, it's crazy i can't have what I want, but neither can you
"alright... i know they're wrinkled but cash is legal tender..." trevor trails off obnoxiously and thus you grab hold of his ten dollars clenching your fist.
"i'll see you later?" you call out distractedly, solely focused on the blonde approaching quinn across the room.
you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to see nobody else and I don't want you to see nobody
it was wrong to use others for personal gain but you were sure there had to be an exception for making somebody jealous. plus, it wasn't like quinn was a saint either.
you vividly remember how quinn chatted up some girl in your class two years ago at a frat party. it was a shitty thing to do, considering how much you complained about that particular girls work ethic after she left you hanging on a group project.
the next morning, quinn had stopped by your apartment to apologize with a bouquet of peonies in hand. you had reluctantly forgiven him, but because the two of you weren't exactly exclusive the fight dissolved on your tongue before you could even properly fight about it.
"hey baby," you tease all your syllables - making sure the baby really rings out in tune. quinns smile doesn't falter at your emergence, instead, he grins as his attention turns from the blonde and onto you.
"y/n," he glances between you and the new girl. you'd have to work for his attention a little more than you'd like to tonight. "as i was saying..." quinn resumes his conversation with the girl slowly, trying his hardest to piss you off.
a tuft of dark black hair peeks it's way through your peripheral and your head immediately turns to find alex turcotte standing alone a few feet away. "turcs!" you call out in the same teasing tone you'd used on quinn and alexs attention is immediately focused on you.
"baby!" he yells jovially, and you could not have planned something better yourself. baby, was a nickname assigned to you after a particular summer in which you were obsessed with dirty dancing. you had pranced around the house to its soundtrack and forced anybody who was around to dance with you - all embarrassingly bad imitations of patrick swayze.
you dont turn to acknowledge quinns reaction but you imagine it as you sway your way over to alex. quinns face would be scrunched up in annoyance, and his eyes would darken just a tad to accompany his scowl. if there was one thing quinn hated more than he liked teasing you, it was you teasing him back.
"so strong!" you laugh loudly, gripping onto alex's arm. his hand brushes across your lower back and you smile brightly when he leaves it resting there.
"you really know how to work a guy, huh?" he laughs before removing his hand altogether. "what are you drinking?" he asks then, shifting tones dramatically from flirtatious to friends-since-childhood.
"i don't know jack made it," you hold the cup up to his face and he recoils with a scuff.
"you're going to be so sick tomorrow,"
you take a sip of your drink before glancing back in quinns direction. his dark eyes were still trained on you but the blonde was still at his side. flirting with alex was truly petty. both you and quinn knew nothing would ever come of it but it was still fun to get him riled up anyway.
but you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to touch nobody else baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
"want to get me something else?" you ask with a soft voice and you hope it carries to where quinns standing.
alex looks at you momentarily before shaking his head quickly. "uh, yeah, yeah let's go to the kitchen..." you take the lead in your venture to the kitchen and alex slinks his arm around your waist.
you barely make it out of the living room before quinn interrupts your path. "hey man, its been awhile," his smile is strained as he reaches a hand out to alex. the two greet each other and the flashes of disappointment on quinns face is evident when alex doesnt take his arm away from your body.
"where ya two heading?" he asks.
alex hits his solo cup against yours and a slosh of molten liquid rolls over the rim of your cup and onto your new white shoes. "this one needs a new drink. jack made her another one his his "concoctions,"" alex laughs easily but quinns face is entirely tense.
you stay silent.
"oh, i can take her," quinn says with a slight edge.
"it's no worries i can do it," alex assures him with a small smile. "i think jacks in the kitchen and i wanna say hello," he adds when quinn makes no move to back down.
"uh, i just saw him go outside actually," quinn states and you wonder if you should interrupt.
the two boys stare at each other tensely and alex drops his hand from your waist. "i'll see you later baby?" alex mutters lowly, and your head spins from whatever moment you just missed right there.
you nod dismissively to alex and watch in silence as he rapidly walks out of the living room. "what was that for?" you ask quinn as soon as you turn to face him. as expected, his eyebrows were scrunched together and his face show small signs of annoyance.
"you need a drink," is all quinn responds with, and you follow behind him slowly as he maneuvers his way through small crowds of people.
───────── ౨ৎ ─────────
your vodka cranberry was slowly spilling its contents onto quinns hardwood floor as it lay discarded.
"your floors getting all wet," you mumble against quinns lips the second the two of you pull apart. his hair was messy and his cheeks flush when he notices you staring.
"dont care," he huffs, pulling your hips flush against his own. "'been too long sine i've seen you last,"
you kiss his neck teasingly, "the wood will get ruined,"
quinn sighs and pulls away from you. he strips his shirt off and lets it fall atop your discarded solo cup. his confidence was something that had grown over the years and you were pleasantly delighted.
"thank you," you whisper to him as he slides his arms back against you. you wait for him to say something - mention what happened downstairs but quinn remains silent.
instead, he leads you backwards to his bed with well practiced ease. the games you two play were fun when they ended up like this, but at the same time you felt a twinge for something more.
even though you ain't mine, i promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love 'cause baby, when push comes to shove damn baby, i'm a train wreck, too (too) i lose my mind when it comes to you i take time with the ones I choose and I don't want to smile if it ain't from you, yeah
the sun streams through quinns open curtains, blinding him momentarily as his eyes adjust to the morning light. when everything comes into focus the first thing he notices is your figure curled up on the other side of his bed like a cat. quinn stretches and despite the brief disturbance your eyes stay firmly closed.
downstairs the house was a mess. empty bottles and cups littered the wood floors and empty food wrappers crinkle uncomfortably under quinns tired feet.
"morning," jack says as soon as his older brother steps into the dimly lit kitchen. jacks sandy hair is tousled and if his undereye bags were any indication of how he was feeling... it was clear that he was unwell.
"you look like shit," quinn chuckles as he tosses jack a bottle of aspirin.
"gee, thanks." jack rolls his eyes but pops a pill nonetheless.
quinn fixes himself some toast and the two brothers sit in comfortable silence.
"where's yn," jack asks, nursing a yellow gatorade.
"sleeping,"
jack hums in acknowledgement. he stares inquisitively at his brother - silently hinting at what's going on between the blurred lines of quinns and yns relationship, but quinn ignores him.
i know we be so complicated lovin' you sometime drive me crazy 'cause i can't have what I want and neither can you
late the next afternoon after tirelessly scrubbing down the floors and tossing out empty cans, the group of hockey players and friends make their way onto the lake.
as always, quinn drives and docks the boat in the middle of the lake so the group could swim and yn could suntan on the hard, white seats of the boat.
quinn wasnt an idiot. he knew that his best friend was hot. the stolen glances and not-so-subtle double takes weren't lost on him as his friends ogled her. she was undeniably gorgeous and someday their relationship wouldn't be enough anymore. she would eventually want more, and quinn wasn't sure he'd be able to give her a relationship she deserved from two thousand miles away.
you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and i ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to see nobody else and i don't want you to see nobody
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yourusername daydreamin' 🧸
"what's the deal with yn and quinn anyway? have they always been so... intense?" alexander holtz asks between shooting pool.
jack sighs, "yeah theyre always like that. i wish they'd just get over whatever they've got going on and get together already. its honestly painful to watch," jack jokes tensely.
alex tuts, "i wish she were available"
another guy hums, "she's a total smoke show,"
"ew, shes like our sister," luke pipes up.
"your sister maybe," someone laughs. "she ain't mine,"
quinn silently turns away from the rec room to find you.
but you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) and i ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) but you don't want me to touch nobody else baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
"hey," you smile sweetly at quinns presence. he stares at you simply before sitting down on the decksteps next to you. he frowns when you set your book down beside you and you press your knee to his in an attempt to calm him. "what's wrong?"
quinn sighs deeply. "i just - i dont know. what are we doing?"
"what do you mean?" you ask even though you know where this conversation is heading.
quinn gestures between the two of you, "we've... things are different now,"
"i don't know what you're talking about," you say, genuinely taken off guard. "if this is about the party...?"
"we'd be an awful couple," quinn cuts in.
"who called us a couple?,"
"look, you're going to want more eventually and-"
you scoff. "are you going to actually talk to me? because i'm fine with out arrangement," you lie.
quinn stares at you with an unreadable expression. "look, it's not going to work"
"did the guys say something to you?" you bite. you reach your hand out to quinn but he pushes it away.
"no. i just don't think us being... involved... is a good idea anymore,"
"'involved'" you say sarcastically. you've been hooking up for three years now.
quinn stands up suddenly, "yeah. it's over - i'm over it,"
"okay?" youre defiant. "don't come begging to me when you see me with another guy - or when you need a quick lay. god, youre such an asshole!"
i wanna kiss you (yeah), don't wanna miss you (yeah) but i can't be with you 'cause i got issues yeah, on the surface, seem like it's easy careful with words, but it's still hard to read me
quinn didn't know why he shut everything down. he didn't want to - not really anyway. it was all so stupid and he shouldn't have reacted at all.
Stress high when the trust low (mmm) Bad vibes, where'd the fun go? (Oh) Try to open up and love more (love more) Try to open up and love more
the two friends move around each other awkwardly and the tension in the house was palpable. you start to skip out on summer activities, and quinn no longer seems to enjoy driving out into the lake when you were no longer sitting by his side. everything felt wrong.
If you were my boyfriend If you were my girlfriend I probably wouldn't see nobody else But I can't guarantee that by myself
"you know what, i'm glad we decided to all us quits. you were totally right! we wouldnt have made a good couple - you probably wouldnt have stopped seeing other people," your tone is scorching as you finally catch quinn alone.
"yeah well considering your track record you'd probably have gotten with somebody else before i even boarded my flight back to van," quinns quick to defend himself - leaving you reeling.
"what the fuck are you talking about?" you seethe, letting all your emotions wash over you at once.
"alex, that guy from u of m, the fucking football player!" quinn stresses the names of the last two, knowing those were the guys you hooked up while you were both at school.
you throw your arms up in the air, "you are such a hypocrite! do you know that? like seriously. lets not go tit for tat here quinn because trust i'll win every time,"
"everything always a game with you,"
you stare at him blankly. "what are we doing then? you told me the jealously was fun, you were the one who led me to your bed last week! you didn't want to get into a relationship in a first place!"
"so did you! don't spin this back on me!"
"i never said that!" you yell, "and i never got with alex,"
You ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend, you ain't my boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, I ain't your girlfriend) But you don't want me to see nobody else (nobody) And I don't want you to see nobody
"you might as well be," quinn tries to bait you but you dont respond.
tears well up in your eyes, "you said you didn't see us being in an actual relationship"
at the sight of your tears quinn starts to backtrack. "im sorry-"
"no, i started all this," you say, wiping away your tears with the back of your sleeve. "i'm sorry for getting mad at you - i'm done,"
"what do you mean youre done?" quinn responds, following behind you as you walk back into the lake house. as soon as the sliding door slams shut heads turn towards the two of you.
"you said you were done and i agree," you say simply, tears threatening to spill over as you catch sight of luke staring at you in confusion.
without another word you storm up the stairs and begin packing your suitcase.
But you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend, you know you ain't my boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, yeah, mmm) But you don't want me to touch nobody else (nobody) Baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody (oh yeah)
your hands grip the steering wheel tightly as you drive the fifteen minute trip to your parents house. it was over, finally over between the two of you.
You ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend) But you don't want me to see nobody else And I don't want you to see nobody
a week went by, and everybody presses quinn on why you left.
"i don't know guys, stop asking me about it," his answer stays the same, although his undereyes get considerably darker as the days go by.
But you ain't my boyfriend (boyfriend) And I ain't your girlfriend (girlfriend, yeah) But you don't want me to touch nobody else (nobody) Baby, we ain't gotta tell nobody
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yourusername baby loves 🎧
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yourfriend baby loves im tryna talk to youuuuu
yourusername theres a boy ! and i dont quite know... what to dooo
_alexturcotte stunner ⚡️
user01 did u and quinn have a fight or something ? why did u guys unfollow each other lololll
user05 literal princess !!!
user11 quinn unfollowed and alex commenting... 👀
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_quinnhughes summa with the brothers 🤟
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trevorzegras #Aesthetic
user08 no mention of yn... were cooked
user15 first summer photo numb in yearrrssss where yn didnt make a feature... 🫣👀
────୨ৎ──── ended insanely abruptly but i wanted to post something for u guys today😭
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faithshouseofchaos · 3 days
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Checo taking on you the frustration of the race result, in front of the mirror doggy style meandom!checo
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“Fucking Baku” — Checo Perez x reader
Warnings — smut mean!dom!checo p in v unprotected sex doggy style mirror sex degradation + some praise slight pain kink and fear kink humiliation kink? Checo also calls reader a good girl,toy and outlet… so hint of free use name calling and objectification probably some other things to I can’t remember.
You can also pin point the exact moment I got bold and said fuck it.
Word count 3.3k
@selfishpresley
Your smile dropped as you and everyone watched as Checo, your husband, and Carlos collided on the second to last lap of the Baku Grand Prix. “Holy shit,” you said out loud as you listened to the angry radio message that came from Checo. Checo has had a bad season for racing and today was somewhat of a redemption day for him all up until the crash.
Checo arrived home, a look of anger on his face, slamming the door behind him and throwing his bag on the ground. He knew you’d be waiting for him and he made his way over to you. “That race was going so well. Why? Why did he have to ruin it for me?”
“It was an accident, Checo,” you said, attempting to calm him down, but he just wouldn’t budge. “I know it was, but still... It's so damn frustrating. He ruined everything.”
He leaned against the kitchen counter, his hands gripping the edges tightly as he continued to rant. “I was doing so well and I was so close to getting onto that podium again. But then he had to go and screw it up.”
You approached him, placing your hands on his chest in an attempt to soothe him, but he shrugged you off. “I just wanted a good race. Just one good damned race, but it didn’t happen. It never does.”
Frustration was seeping through his voice as he ran a hand through his hair, the stress getting to him. “I work so hard, but nothing ever goes my way. I’m stuck in this constant cycle of disappointment and it’s driving me crazy.”
You understood his feelings, you did; the long hours spent training, the sacrifices he made to achieve success, only for it to slip through his fingers time and time again. “I know it’s hard, but you can’t let it get to you like this,” you said gently, trying to reason with him.
“Is there anything u can do to help?” You asked.
He let out a heavy sigh before answering, “I don’t know, maybe I just need to hit the gym, blow off some steam. Or I could just go for a drive…” Then, a cheeky look appeared on his face. “Or there is another way you could help me relax…”
His words were laced with a hint of suggestion and a devilish smirk played on his lips. He pushed himself away from the counter and sauntered closer to you, closing the distance between you two.
His hand came up to caress your cheek, his gaze intense and filled with a mix of frustration and desire. “You’re always so good at helping me forget, you know that?” he said, his voice low and gravelly.
He stepped closer, his chest nearly touching yours as he continued to speak. “And I’ve been really stressed lately... maybe you could... help me relax,” he whispered, his eyes darkening with a smoldering look.
Your heart skipped a beat as he continued to lean in, his hot breath on your skin sending a shiver down your spine. He was so close, you could feel the heat radiating off his body, the tension in the room electric. He leaned down, his lips just barely brushing against your ear as he whispered, “I’m sure you know exactly what I need right now…”
Then, he pulled back, his eyes meeting yours as he waited for your response, his hands resting on your hips. “Oh yes, I have a few ideas…” you replied, your voice laced with a sultry tone.
He grinned, clearly pleased with your response. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
He leaned down again, capturing your lips in a searing kiss, and you melted into him. The kiss was intense, filled with pent-up frustration and desire. He pulled you flush against him, his hands roaming your body as he deepened the kiss.
He spun you around, pressing you back against the counter, his body flush against yours, the hardness of his muscles against your softness. His lips left your mouth, trailing hotly down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bite marks in their wake. You gasped, arching into him as his hands reached the hem of your shirt, quickly pulling it over your head.
His eyes roamed over your body, taking in every inch of you, his gaze filled with hunger. “You’re so damned beautiful,” he breathed, his hands sliding up your sides, his touch leaving goosebumps in its wake. He leaned back in, kissing and biting at your neck, his mouth moving down your collarbone and along your chest. Your fingers dug into his shoulders, trying to pull him closer, needing to feel more of him.
He shifted position slightly, his thigh sliding between your legs, pressing against you, the pressure sending a wave of pleasure through you. A shiver ran down your spine, your fingers threaded into his hair as you let out a soft moan.
He chuckled against your skin, his lips curving into a smirk. “Mmm, I love the sounds you make for me,” he said, nipping at your earlobe. “I think I could make you make even better noises though…”
His hands slid down your body, stopping at the waistband of your pants, his fingers brushing against your skin, teasing you. “Let’s see if I’m right, shall we?” he said, his voice dripping with desire.
You let out a soft gasp as he slowly pulls your pants down, his fingers tracing the lines of your underwear. He pauses for a moment, his breath hot against your skin, before he slips his hand inside your panties, his fingers brushing against your wet folds. "Fuck, you're so wet already,"
He looked up at you, the look on his face was filled with pure hunger. “You know, I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he said, his fingers tracing over the fabric of your underwear. “I’ve been imagining all of the things I’ve been wanting to do to you…”
Your breath hitches as he slowly slides your underwear off, baring you to his gaze. "Spread your legs for me, beautiful," he murmured, his voice low and commanding. You comply, parting your thighs as he settles between them, his warm breath on your most intimate area.
A whimper escaped your lips, and you pressed yourself against him, needing more. “Checo,” you gasped, your fingers gripping onto his shoulders. “Please... don’t tease me like this.”
“I’ll do what I want you're not in charge here and you should remember that” Checo responded standing up changing his mind at the last second. Your breath hitched in your throat as he stood up, the commanding tone in his voice sending a shiver down your spine. You swallowed hard, your heart racing. You knew he was right; you weren’t in charge here, and he was clearly in control.
“Y-Yes, Checo,” you managed to stutter out, a mix of fear and excitement in your voice. A smirk appeared on his face as he saw the effect his words had on you. “Good girl,” he said, his hand gripping your chin and tilting it up to meet his eyes. “You’re going to do everything I say, aren’t you?”
You nodded, your eyes wide and filled with a mixture of fear and arousal. “Yes,” you breathed out, your voice barely above a whisper. “Anything you want, I’ll do anything.”
A wicked gleam appeared in his eyes, a look of satisfaction on his face. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”
He leaned in, his lips moving to your ear, his voice low and husky. “Now, be a good girl and get on the bed. I want you facing the mirror on your hands and knees.” Your heart pounded in your chest as you obeyed, moving to the bed and positioning yourself as he instructed. You felt exposed and vulnerable, and it was both terrifying and arousing. You swallowed hard and glanced into the mirror, seeing your reflection staring back at you, waiting for his next command.
He came up behind you, his hands on your hips, his touch firm and possessive. He leaned down so his lips were next to your ear. “Look at yourself,” he growled, his voice low and rough. “Look at how beautiful you look, waiting for me.”
You looked at yourself in the mirror; your hair messy, your cheeks flushed, your chest heaving. You did look beautiful, but also vulnerable, and a shiver ran down your spine as you waited for his next move. He pulled away from you for a moment, and the sound of him quickly removing his clothes could be heard. Then he was back behind you, his body pressing against yours, his hands roaming over your body.
“Yes,” you whispered, your voice shaky. “All yours.”
He chuckled, his fingers trailing over your side, his touch sending tingles through your body. “That’s right, you are mine, and I’m going to remind you of that over and over again my slut to ruin.” His words sent a shiver down your spine, a mixture of fear and excitement coursing through you. You were completely at his mercy, a submissive plaything for him to do whatever he wanted with. He stepped back momentarily, and then his hand was on your hip, his touch rough and possessive. “Keep looking at yourself,” he ordered, his voice a deep rumble. “Don’t take your eyes off the mirror.”
You couldn’t do anything but obey, your eyes fixated on your reflection in the mirror. You saw how vulnerable you looked, and how your body was responding to his touch. It was a mixture of humiliation and arousal, and you couldn’t do anything but submit to his will.
He stepped up behind you once again, his body pressing against yours, his chest against your back. You could feel the hardness of his body, the heat from his skin, as he aligned himself behind you. He leaned down so his lips were near your ear. “Are you ready for me, baby?” he asked, his voice huskier than usual. “Yes,” you breathed, your voice shaky as you braced yourself for what was to come. “Yes, I’m ready.”
Without another word, he positioned himself at your entrance, the tip of him just pressing against you, sending a wave of anticipation through you. “You look so good like this,” he muttered, his hands holding onto your hips tightly, steadying you. “So ready for me.”
Your heart was racing, your breath coming out in quick, shallow gasps as you waited for him to move. “Please,” you gasped, your voice pleading. “Please, I need you.”
“Shhh, I know what you need,” Checo replied softly, his hands tightening on your hips. With a slow, deliberate motion, he began to push inside you, inch by inch, allowing you to feel every hard ridge of his erection as he stretched you to accommodate his size.”
“Good girl.” His grip on your hips tightened, and he slowly, tantalizingly, pushed himself into you. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips as he filled you, your head falling back momentarily before you quickly looked back at the mirror, remembering his command. “Eyes on the mirror,”
he reminded you, his tone firm. “Don’t take your eyes off yourself.” You obeyed, your eyes fixed on your reflection in the mirror, taking in every detail. The way your body was pressed against his, the flush of your skin, the way your body responded to his every touch. “You like that?” he asked, his voice filled with a smug satisfaction.
His hands roamed over your body, caressing your curves, squeezing your full breasts, his touch possessive and demanding. He leaned down, his lips brushing against your shoulder blade as he began to move within you, pulling out almost completely before slamming back in.
You nodded, all you could manage was a desperate “mhm” sound in response, too overwhelmed by the sensations flooding through your body. He chuckled, the sound a mixture of amusement and pleasure. “I love hearing how desperate you are for me,” he murmured, his hands gripping your hips even tighter. “It’s so beautiful, the way you submit to me.”
He started moving, his pace slow and torturous, driving you to the edge of ecstasy. Every thrust sent jolts of ecstasy through your body, your eyes fluttering closed as the pleasure became too much. You were completely at his mercy. He suddenly leaned forward, stopping his movements, and grabbed a handful of your hair, yanking it back roughly. “I said, keep your eyes open,” he reminded you, his voice rough and commanding. “Don’t you dare close your eyes?”
With a swift motion, he began to move within you again, his pace quickening, his thrusts becoming more powerful. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room, along with your moans and his grunts of pleasure.
You gasped, your eyes fluttering open again as you forced yourself to look in the mirror. The sight of yourself, completely under his control, was both mesmerizing and humiliating. He let go of your hair, but his grip on your hips didn’t release. “I want you to watch yourself as I make you lose control, " he growled. “I want to see you fall apart for me.” He adds pounding hard into you.
You couldn’t do anything but obey, your body shaking with the pleasure coursing through you. Every time he moved within you, every touch of his fingers burned hotter on your skin, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.
“Maldito Buka, Maldito Sainz arruinando mi puta carrera” Checo seetha his grip on your hips tightened his nails dug into your skin sending waves of both pleasure and pain through your body causing you to fall onto your forearms and your head hung low.
He continued to fuck you mercilessly, his words a constant stream of profanity and abuse as he lost himself in the moment. "Fucking useless piece of shit, can't even win a race without fucking up," he spat, his hips slamming against yours with renewed vigor.
You groaned, your head dropping down as his words and actions hit you. “I know, baby, I know,” you pointed out, your body trembling with need, your voice filled with both sympathy and arousal.
“I’m so furious,” he growls, his voice deep and guttural. “I was doing so well, and then that idiot ruined it all…”
His fingers dig into your skin, a mix of anger and lust fueling his actions. The pain and pleasure mix, sending tremors down your spine. You can feel his frustration, his anger radiating through his touch. It’s both terrifying and exciting, knowing that he’s taking it out on you, using your body to release his aggression.
His pace quickened, his thrusts becoming more forceful as his anger took over. He let out a low, animalistic growl, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he continued to drive into you. “Look at yourself. Look at how beautifully you take my anger.” He grunted.”
“Uh-uh,” Checo says, yanking you back up by your hair, your back flushed against his chest, his now around your neck as he whispered into your ear. “I thought I told you to keep your eye on the mirror?” Checo says.
“See,” he growls, “see what I’ve been reduced to?” He tightens his grip on your neck slightly, a possessive gesture that makes your heart race with a mixture of fear and pleasure. “Because of that idiot.” You can feel his breath on your skin, hot and ragged. He’s completely enraged, and you’re the outlet for all his anger and frustration. The feeling of his grip on your neck, the sound of his voice in your ear, it’s both terrifying and thrilling.
“You’re mine,” he mutters, his lips brushing against your ear, his voice a possessive whisper. “My outlet, my toy. I can do whatever I want with you, however I want. You won’t disappoint me right?” he asks. The question hangs in the air, a threat as much as a statement. You know he expects obedience, that you’re here to serve him, to fulfill his needs, no matter how rough or rough or intense they may be. “No, Checo,” you reply, your voice shaky with anticipation. “I won’t disappoint you.”
He chuckles, the sound dark and sinister. “Good,” he says. “Because if you do, I’ll make you pay for it.” He pauses for a moment, his grip on your neck tightening slightly as he continues. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He knows the answer, and you know he wants to hear you say it. The feeling of his power over you, the knowledge that he can make you submit to him utterly is a thrill that you both share. “Yes, I would,” you manage to choke out, your voice barely above a whisper.
He chuckles again, a deep, pleased sound. “I knew you would,” he says. “You’re my good girl, aren’t you?” He releases his grip on your neck, his hand moving down to your hip again, his fingers digging into your flesh.
“Yes,” you reply, your voice a mix of submission and arousal. “I’m your good girl, Checo. I’ll do anything you want.”
“Anything?” he repeats, a hint of challenge in his voice. “Anything at all?” You swallow hard, your heart pounding in your chest. “Anything,” you reaffirm, the word coming out in a trembling whisper. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it for you.”
“Good,” he murmurs, his voice rough and gravelly. “Because I have plans for you, mi niña. Things I’ve been thinking about all day, ways to use you, to break you but first I want you to come.” “Good,” he murmurs, his voice rough and gravelly. “Because I have plans for you, mi niña. Things I’ve been thinking about all day, ways to use you, to break you but first I want you to finish for me,” he says his hips still thrusting into yours.
“I want to watch you come apart, want to see your pretty face twisted in pleasure as you coat my cock with your release.” his hands grip your hips tightly, holding you in place as he continues to fuck you hard and fast. “Come for me, mi niña,” your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your core squeezed Checo's cock.
"Good girl," he hissed, his control unraveling as he felt your warmth pulsating around him. He grunted with each thrust, his voice growing hoarse as he chased his release. "Keep squeezing, just like that, mi vida." checo groans and you could feel his cock twitch inside of you letting you know that he was so close to cumming. "Yes, just like that, my sweet girl," he hisses, his hips stuttering as he neared release. His fingers dug into your hips painfully, his body tensing as he tried to hold back.
A few more thrusts later the two of you cummed at the same time. You felt Checo's cock throb inside you as he unloaded his seed deep within your pussy, his hot cum coating your walls. At the same moment, your orgasm overtook you, your cervix clenching and unclenching as your clit throbbed with pleasure. You both let out a chorus of moans and groans.
"Oh... mi amor... That was... amazing," Checo panted, burying his face in your neck. He stayed inside you, his weight heavy on top of you as he caught his breath. "You're so perfect for me, mi vida." He peppered your skin with gentle kisses.
“That was..that was just wow just wow,” you said laughing breathlessly. Checo chuckled, his arms wrapping around you as he gently rolled onto his back, taking you with him so you were sprawled on top of him. "I'm glad you liked it, mi vida," he murmured, his hands slowly caressing your back. "But we're not done yet."
“no?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No," he said, his voice firm with intention. His hands gripped your ass, lifting you slightly before guiding you back down onto his still-hard cock. "I told you, I have plans for you tonight. And I always keep my promises oh and one more thing when we’re done I want you to call your brother and tell him that he needs to learn how to drive.”
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jo-harrington · 3 days
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Chuck (Eddie Munson)
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Summary: It's just a regular closing shift at Benny's. Easy peasy. Nothing bad could possibly happen.
Word Count: 3.5k
Characters: Eddie, Jeff, Benny Hammond
Themes/Warnings: Boys will be boys, friendship, smutty intrusive thoughts, Masturbation(?), Food Fucking, Eddie has an unspecified romantic partner (could be Steve, could be Reader, could be anyone that's not what this story is about), Song Fic, What's a Little Psychological Torture Between Friends…
Note: You know what? In true unhinged fashion, I had to write this for @courtingchaos on her birthday and not only that but give her some credit here. This was born from us being stuck in a car on Lake Shore Drive, hangry and a little slap happy, on the way to Navy Pier after I witnessed something that was probably very similar (in the most innocuous way) at a suburban Burger King.
Meg, you are my life. My world. You are my Cheese. Burger. And this one's for you. Happy Birthday.
Thank you AGAIN to @dr-aculaaa for the beta and @deathbecomesthem for some of the diner lingo. Disclaimer that I never worked at a diner so this is probably horribly inaccurate...but just suspend your sense of disbelief if you have.
You can find my masterlist here.
Please do not interact if you are not 18+.
Enjoy!
If anyone wants to get the full effect of this fic, you need to put Mr. Roboto on repeat for the duration of your time reading.
---
5:55PM
Jeff stared at the clock as he wiped down the counter.
Every tick of the second hand had him gritting his teeth a little more, enough where he should probably worry that he was gonna crack a tooth. All because Eddie was late for his closing shift.
Their closing shift.
And not just late, late again. For the third time in as many days they worked together.
If he even showed up.
Now Jeff wasn't one to complain. Shit, Eddie was the one to suggest that he apply at Benny's in the first place and put a good word in for his best friend.
Ben was getting a little older and wanted to enjoy what was left of his youth while he still had it, instead of solely being stuck behind his grill for the rest of his life. An extra waitress on the weekends, an extra line cook during the week, and the business ran smoothly, even when he decided to take a day off.
And Eddie was pretty much employee of the month, knowing all of the regulars orders like the back of his hand.
Until Jeff started getting scheduled alongside him.
Until Eddie started going on dates, and started "going steady" with someone.
Until Eddie started playing hooky to go and suck face and god knows what else while parked up at the quarry.
Jeff let his fist slam against the counter as another minute ticked away, only for the bell of the door to chime and Eddie walk in, shrugging his apron on and shedding his leather jacket in a flustered rush.
"Sorry I'm late," he said with an easy smile on kiss-swollen lips. Jeff rolled his eyes at the sight and at the apology. "Oh come on, I promise I'll be on time tomorrow. Scout's honor." Eddie crossed his finger over his heart.
"You weren't a scout," Jeff retorted.
"Hey now," Eddie teased, starting in on one of his typical Munson-isms that usually ended up in forgiveness or forgetfulness. "I actually was. For one day before some snot-nosed kid pushed me over and I accidentally said fuck. Then they asked me to leave. But once a scout, always a scout."
Jeff hummed and turned on his heel to push back into the kitchen and start prepping for the dinner rush.
The thing was...they worked really well together. They had a good routine of noting what tasks needed to be done throughout the night. It's not like the diner was ever that busy on weeknights and Benny had been doing it alone for years, but it was nice to have someone you got along with at work.
Well it was nice...when they were there. It was nice when your work buddy was actually reliable and helped you out, which made Jeff feel bad because Eddie was his friend, his best friend. But Jeff could let Eddie's luck and charisma let him slide through his responsibilities.
So Eddie was about to find out what kind of hell it was when you were in the weeds alone.
---
Jeff had gone out to take an order when the phone rang.
Eddie grabbed the receiver with a quick "yello'" only to get a familiar voice rasping on the other end.
"Can I speak to Jeffrey please?" came the reply from someone dramatically sounding like Edith Bunker.
Eddie rolled his eyes. "Gareth, I know it's you," he sighed.
"No, this is Jeff's grandma," the younger boy kept up the ruse, snickering a little at the end. "I need to talk to him."
Eddie let his head roll back on his shoulders as he heard the stifled giggling of his friend over the line, and then he peeked his head out of the passthrough.
"Jeff!" he called out. "Your grandma's calling."
Jeff donned an exaggerated and fake look of concern; he jogged across the diner and grabbed the receiver from Eddie's hand.
"Hello?" he answered and Eddie watched as his expressions got more animated, as did his voice. "Grandma? Oh no, what happened...an accident? You need help? You need me to leave work and come home right away?"
"What?!" Eddie shrieked and reached out to snatch the receiver back from Jeff's hand. He placed it against his ear but only heard Gareth laughing and then the ring tone. He was about to ask Jeff what the hell was going on, only to find him pulling his apron over his head. "Come on now, where do you think you're going?"
"I've gotta leave," Jeff shook his head frantically. "It's my grandma, she's in the hospital, I've gotta go."
"Jeff, come on."
"There's no one else to take care of her."
"Seriously. Quit it."
"You'll be ok by yourself tonight right?" Jeff ignored everything Eddie said and looked at him expectantly as he dug his hand in his pockets for his car keys.
For a moment, Eddie felt the panic rise within him; he figured Jeff was a little upset that he bailed the past few nights but...seriously it wasn't anything that Jeff couldn't handle.
Was his friend really that mad?
"Listen I'm sorry I bailed on work a few times this week," he apologized, but Jeff just shook his head and pulled out a roll of quarters.
Then another.
Then another.
And the panic Eddie had faded into curiosity, then realization.
No, Jeff wasn't mad; he was annoyed.
"Hey listen, it's just for tonight so I can check on my grandma, you'll be ok," Jeff explained as he walked over to the old jukebox in the corner of the dining room. He began loading the old machine up with quarters and punching buttons in rapid succession. "I'll even make it up to you. You can have all the tips in the tip jar from before you got here earlier and I'll put on some music that you'll like. Hey look, Ben took your advice and updated this a little.
"He even has your favorite Ed," Jeff glanced over his shoulder. "Styx."
Eddie groaned in loathing this time, thinking of the power ballads and synthesizer nightmares he was about to endure because his friend was gonna get back at him.
The Grand Illusion. Or worse Paradise Theater.
The records inside of the machine shifted as they queued up tracks for the next however-long Jeff had paid for.
"Don't do this Jeff," Eddie pleaded as his friend grabbed his jacket from the coatrack by the door. "I'll never skip work again. I promise. Just stay."
"But my grandma needs me Eddie..." he whined and then winked at Eddie before running out the door. "Have fun."
Eddie sighed and accepted defeat as the door shut and Jeff was gone, all while the sparkly synthesized voice began amidst electronic fanfare...
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto...
---
7PM
You know what? It didn't start out that bad.
"You're wondering who I am," Eddie sang along and bopped to the beat as he flipped burgers on the flat top. "Secret, secret, I've got a secret."
He had food to cook and orders to take and he fell right back into the routine of those short staffed nights when Benny started to realize how much he valued his personal time, but right before Jeff was hired.
It would be fine.
And there was a little musical accompaniment? Even better.
He figured that he might start loading the machine up with quarters before his shifts from now on, instead leaving it up to the chance of the customers.
"Machine or Mannequin?" He did a little spin. "Secret secret, I've got a secret."
Eddie hadn't even realized that the song that started out the night--Mr. Roboto--repeated itself until he got back to the kitchen, and then it repeated again.
And again.
He had to admit it was growing on him though. Like a cancer, but still growing. So he either needed to adapt or it would kill him. The lyrics were catchy, he could dance to it a little, and there was a good beat that he could almost headbang to if he tried.
It wasn't even that he hated Styx, he just hated what Styx stood for. Mainstream popular music. It was commercial and sanitized. Yeah Babe wasn't that bad of a song. And neither was this one. Shit...if he really thought about it, was the band even really that popular? They were underdogs, and he always rooted for an underdog.
"With parts made in Japan," he sang into his spatula and slapped slices of cheese onto his patties for dramatic effect. "I am thee modern man!"
---
8PM
So if you see me, acting strangely, don't be surprised.
There was a little bell at the pass that got hit whenever an order was up.
Of course, with Eddie being the only one working it didn’t need to get hit.
Still, every time Eddie passed it, he just had to tap his hand on the bell along with whatever verse or instrumental was playing.
I’m a man who needed someone and somewhere to hide.
It wasn’t getting to him.
No. Not at all.
It was just a graduation from him playing air guitar with a broom and drumming on the counter with spoons.
Ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding ding ding.
Eddie tapped at the bell with both hands at the crescendo and then went to the walk-in to scream.
Nothing to worry about.
---
9PM
I’ve come to help you with your problems, so we can be free.
“Hey can you change the song at all? This one’s been repeating for a while.”
Eddie smiled tightly at the guy at the head of the long rectangular table and then dropped the blue plate special down in front of him with a clatter.
“It’s broken,” he explained, not wanting to get into it.
Several customers had asked already; it was getting as annoying as people who said they were tipping with kindness. Obviously if he could get another song on the jukebox, he would.
How many fucking quarters had Jeff put in there?
“Could you unplug it? Plug it back in again?”
He’d thought of that too.
But wasn’t it just his luck that they lived in the do-it-yourself amateur handyman Midwest…and the damn thing was wired into the wall itself.
And he really didn’t want to cut the line and have to explain to Benny how an electrical fire burnt down his diner.
“You know what?” Eddie took a slow, calming breath. “This is actually…my favorite song." There was a disbelieving blink. "A-and it’s my birthday.”
The withering look he received made him second guess burning down the place; it actually didn’t seem so bad after all. He could deal with Benny.
I’m just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond my control. We all need control.
---
10PM
I am the modern man, who hides behind a mask…
Eddie wore his Freak label proudly.
He accepted it, everyone else accepted it.
But maybe this music was getting to him a little bit as he started noticing of the different inanimate objects around Benny’s that he could potentially fuck.
That was a level of Freak that he really hadn’t embraced yet.
So no one else can see my true identity!
Well, it was sort of always there simmering beneath the surface. He had been a horny teenager and was now a horny young man. There was always a question about what objects he could stick his dick into.
But he’d tried to curb that curiosity after the pool noodle incident.
Now though…he was far enough gone that things were starting to appeal to him again. And it scared him a little bit for those thoughts to pop up during work.
Not enough to stop though.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo.
First it was a bagel with the perfect hole.
Actually, was it even the music causing this? How dare that bagel look so damn fuckable. Cream cheese wouldn’t be the best lube, he had to admit. But he didn’t mind trying. Unfortunately that bagel was needed for someone’s sober-up sandwich.
Then there was a hole in the vinyl of one of the booths. He stared at it every time he brought out an order or bussed a table. Eventually he couldn’t help himself and he lightly ran two fingers over it and then plunged them inside the hole, like a lover would, only to find the edges were jagged and rough…and he was disappointed that it wouldn’t be the most pleasurable experience.
He wasn’t one to say no to a little bit of teeth when getting his dick sucked but that wasn’t what he was looking for right now.
At one point he even considered fucking the jukebox itself. Get it to shut up once and for all.
The logistics weren’t right.
Where would he even put his cock? Just rub the head of him along the coin slot while he jerked off? Pass.
His depravity needed to be put on hold though, because as he was in the walk-in trying to cut a channel into a head of iceberg that might be the perfect fit for him, he spotted a tub of hamburger with a label in Benny’s chicken scratch saying “discard” with the date.
He froze and let his thoughts swirl before he shook his head and put the iceberg down. He slammed his hand against his forehead as though that would make his internal monologue right itself.
Because what the hell was he doing?
Regardless of the absolute torture he was enduring, he was still at work and had a job to do.
Why was he trying to fuck a head of lettuce? Or fingering a hole in a booth. No, he was absolutely losing his mind, he needed to control himself, he needed to get back to work.
He was about to exit the walk-in when he glanced back at the tub.
“Can't forget that tonight,” he muttered to himself as a reminder.
Then back into the kitchen he went.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo.
---
11PM
“Thank you very much Mr. Roboto,” Eddie muttered as he dropped maraschino cherries into milkshakes. His voice was ragged, desperate. Pleading. “For doing the job nobody wants to.”
“Thank you very much Mr. Roboto,” he deadpanned as he numbly swept the floor. “For helping me escape when I needed to.”
Thank you.
Thank you.
I wanna thank you.
Please thank you.
Thank you thank you.
Thank you thank you.
“Thank you,” Eddie smiled, as the joy finally die inside of his body as he rang out the last customers. But it was rapidly born once again as he waved goodbye. “Thank you thank you!”
---
12AM
The doors were locked, the lights in the dining room closed.
And Eddie stood in the kitchen with a lit cigarette in his mouth as he concentrated on the task at hand.
The problem was plain to see. Too much technology. The jukebox still played out on the floor.
Machines to save our lives? No. Machines dehumanize.
He shouldn’t be fucking the jukebox or a head of lettuce or a bagel. No. He needed something warm and malleable.
Living.
Or well…close enough.
It was the perfect idea! Instead of taking it right to the dumpster, he’d taken the tub of ground chuck out of the walk-in and let it get to room temp at the end of his shift, and now he was standing there molding it into the right shape.
He was ready and aching after palming himself in anticipation. He’d meticulously wrapped his hard cock in plastic wrap, for lack of a better option. He needed this.
He deserved this.
Why hadn’t he ever thought of this before?
The time has come at last…
He put out the cigarette in the meat then lined up with the channel he'd crafted. He hissed as he sunk in—synthesized angels sung all around him, guitars strumming in harmony—and finally felt relief for the first time all night.
Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret.
His hips rocked in time with the beat, driving deeper and deeper. He felt the slightest bit of cold when he finally bottomed out, the center of the Chuck not entirely at room temp yet. It was an unexpected thrill and he shuddered as pleasure shot through him.
He let his head fall back and he laughed with the feeling, laughed uncontrollably, and the sound echoed through the diner, forever scarring the walls with wicked glee.
To throw away this mask.
It was strange, fucking what was essentially a mass of viscous sludge. Not bad, just strange. Not entirely wet but not dry either. Maybe it was perfect actually, something he never knew he needed. Just for him. A little slice of cheese...er, heaven...just for him.
Especially when he formed meat to suit his desires as it shifted.
That feral grin stayed on his lips as he worked himself to completion, as he pumped mercilessly.
Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret.
And somewhere in all of the hubbub, Eddie came to the conclusion that although it wasn’t perfect, he could get used to it if he had to.
Because he had to.
He'd be stuck here forever, lost in Dennis DeYoung's vocal prison until the end of time.
Now everyone can see my true identity.
He thrust harder and faster, panting and kneading and clenching until all he knew was the meat and secret secrets and his own depravity as he spiraled downwards further into insanity.
I'm Kilroy.
He felt it coming.
Kilroy.
Cumming.
Kilroy.
It exploded out of him with those last few emphasized beats of the synthesizer. He felt the cling wrap bulge with his spend, felt the tingles along his spine and through his limbs as his orgasm shot through his body.
He leaned over, satiated, until his nose brushed the meat in sensuous exhaustion.
Kilroy.
He could hear his pulse in his ears, along with a buzzing din of tinnitus, and the ticking of a clock out in the dining room.
But where he expected the beginning of the next round of torture, Eddie only heard silence.
He breathed heavy, broken breaths. Gulps of air that felt like too much oxygen and not enough at the same time. He felt lightheaded.
It was over.
His punishment finally over.
He closed his eyes and thanked whatever God or Demon gifted him with this boon, and then his eyes shot open and he stood straight up as he stared at the mess he made.
"Fuck."
---
The Next Day, 5PM
Jeff felt like the cat that ate the cream when he drove to work the following day.
He felt a little bad about what he’d done to Eddie, and he had all the intention to make it back to Benny’s around 7 or 8, but Gareth had convinced him not to.
“Come on,” he’d told Jeff. “You know Eddie’s gonna get a good laugh out of it.”
“Yeah! Besides,” Dave interjected. “Shame on him for leaving you up shit’s creek so much. Hopefully this’ll teach him a lesson.”
And Jeff agreed with them.
He and Eddie were friends but that didn’t mean Eddie could walk all over him.
He was glad to see the van parked in Benny’s lot when he arrived for his shift, and as far as he could tell, everything was normal when he walked in.
Ben was at the grill and Eddie at the counter.
Actually, everything looked better than normal. Everything in the diner looked squeaky clean and under the smells of cooked food, there was a tinge of the disinfectant they used to deep clean.
“You must’ve had the slowest night ever if you did a deep clean of the place,” Jeff clapped a hand on Eddie’s back and noticed that Eddie stiffened under his touch. “What time did all those quarters run out?”
Eddie laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck.
“Little after midnight,” he chuckled. “And it was fine. But, uh, now I know better than to fuck with you again.”
“Yeah you’re on time today, you beat me here!”
Eddie grabbed his arm as he passed and then leaned in close, voice pleading and desperate.
“I’ll never be late again, won’t be a no show, but please…don’t ever subject me to that hell again. Please.”
"Scout's honor," Jeff cackled.
Upon Eddie’s look of relief, Jeff headed back to get himself settled.
He chatted with Benny for a second before the older man left for the night. But as he went to the walk-in to get more onions to chop, he noticed something.
“Hey Ed!” He called out through the pass and Eddie turned. “Thanks for tossing that ground chuck! Or…Domo arigato I guess heh.”
He turned back to the task at hand, so he didn’t notice all the color drain from Eddie’s face.
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mere-glim · 1 year
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fuckkkk i want to quit my job soo bad but the guilt..... :((
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dazais-guardian-angel · 6 months
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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mars-ipan · 2 months
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it is so nuts trying to have a healthy relationship with food when your sibling is trying to be a gym bro
#marzi speaks#i’ve been working on doing the whole intuitive eating thing#bc i have issues with my appetite and i want to make sure i’m both keeping myself fed and healthy and not having to see food as a chore#and it’s working out for me! and i’m having a good time and i genuinely enjoy food#and my parents are happy with it bc it’s working out for me. i think my mom’s happy to see me try to keep a healthy mindset with food#bc she struggled with it for a long time and is just starting to figure out what works for her herself etc etc#but it gets SO weird with my brother sometimes#i’ll grab a snack or smth sugary or high carb or whatever and he’ll be like ‘damn that’s so unhealthy :/‘#and i’m like. no??? it’s got these nutrients??#and he’ll go ‘yeah but it’s junk food’ and i have to look at him and be like ‘no food is inherently better or worse than other food’#‘i eat these types of foods in moderation with more nutrient-dense foods as well. i’m doing fine’#and he’s always like ‘…..okay… i wouldn’t eat it though’ and i just look at him like. Alright king#it doesn’t bug me bc idgaf what he thinks but it DOES make me worry for him a little#he felt guilty for eating oreo cakesters today. he had 2 of the 3 in his pack n he was like ‘i feel bad for eating these :(‘#and i asked ‘well are you full? like do u feel sick? or???’#and he was like ‘no i just feel guilty’#and i had to remind him that he’s allowed to eat and enjoy them. and it’s fine and he doesn’t have to earn it#idk how well it stuck but he did finish it bc he wanted to finish it so. i dunno#he’s got some shit to work through. he’ll figure it out i’m sure
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heartshattering · 3 months
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I really want to believe that things will get better but then I find myself back in 2018, being told by mental health professionals that I can't return to the psychiatric services center because "Your case is too severe for us to handle" and "You're too unstable" and "We just can't do anything for a case like yours here"...
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i feel like i’m wasting my time on schoolwork that i ultimately don’t care about when i could be taking pictures of bugs and drawing yaoi and discussing what kind of lingerie light yagami would like based on his sense of fashion and personality
#like idgaf abt any of this shit rn. i was academia brained for like 16 years give me a fucking break#ik i’m planning to start my masters right after i graduate but honestly i need a break i want to yaoi for some time#unforch that cannot happen bc i am on an invisible timer that says if i don’t speedrun everything in life i will die which i have always#felt since i was young#this could be the result of untreated anxiety tbh but who cares#anyway i went outside to see the fireflies and i was like i’m going to cry i never get to go outside bc i’m busy w school and if i do#go outside to have fun i know i’ll be more stressed bc now i have less time to do school idk man. it’s making me sick i’m so stressed#w school and home and my family and needing to do things and not being built for living under capitalism and shit and it sucks#and i just want to take pictures and talk abt things i like and not have to worry abt shit but life sucks so whatever#i just feel like i’m wasting time doing things i don’t care abt when i could be doing literally anything else#like i already spent so so many fucking years of my life depressed or socially isolated and it fucked me up and is still fucking me up#like i haven’t talked to anyone outside of my immediate family in months and my ocd makes life so hard and my family makes it harder#and i feel like i’m just stuck here and will never be truly happy and that i’ve wasted so much of my life being miserable and that i’m#running out of time and spending it all doing shit i don’t even care about and for what reason#idk. i’m tired so i’m probs not making sense but i’m just. not happy with how my life is and idk if i will be for a long time or if i’ll#ever make it far enough to be happy u know
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kicksnscribs · 4 months
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Wow...
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studiousbotanist · 1 year
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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non-un-topo · 10 months
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Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol
#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about#(cough) my sister-in-law.#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off#or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time#plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.#happens all the time at school too.#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.#just........ Gender. UGH!!
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fagnumopus · 11 months
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#what am i doing wrong what am i doing wrong WHAT AM I DOING WRONG#why is it always wrong why can't i be stable why can't i just hold my shit together#why can't i know exactly what to do what to say why does it always have to be SHIT why do i make things WORSE#i feel so fucking hopeless im trying so hard all the time and it's not enough i feel like I'm always playing catch-up with my own life#my brain my body my psyche my money my relationships my marriage#it's all fucking crumbling why do i feel like everything around me is running away in different directions#i feel like I'm being torn apart i feel like I'm being ripped at the joints like some satirical cartoon of medieval torture#everything is falling apart around me and there's TIME LIMITS there's THINGS TO HANDLE and there's THE FUCKING DISHES#im so tired im so tired im so tired why am i so deeply miserable i want to take a flight anywhere i wanna LEAVE i wanna restart from 5y ago#i want a do-over because this is miserable i fucking hate it i hate my life rn#i haven't drawn a single line in DAYS im SO fucking miserable the thought of picking up a stylus makes me wanna throw up#i hate this fucking tattoo because I'll feel awful if i cut again#and i hate the connections and bonds bc I'll feel awful if i try to end it all bc i don't wanna put extra strain on my loved ones#i hate this#i hate myself i hate my life i hate my job i hate my brain i want do-overs please i just wanna have made better decisions#5 years or 2 years ago or just#a few months#i just wanna go a few months back#i just wanna try again#i don't wanna be stuck with a life that i got out of being reckless and stupid and idiotic and not planning better#i fucking hate this world and society im sick of it im sick#i wanna disappear into a vacuum until things get better#i wanna walk home one day 6 months from now and have a peaceful happy homemade dinner and see my cats sleeping together#and watch a fun show and then go out for a comforting coffee#i want so fucking little from life and i still don't get that#vent#to delete#do NOT message me abt this i just need to vent SOMEWHERE bc#i havent healed that other stupid fucking part of my brain that gets mad at people showing me compassion and worry#for some fucking reason
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artekai · 1 year
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Honestly "I could give you the world but you'd poison the seas" is Frosscore enough that it could apply to most people who have ever cared about him. But also, it should clearly be about Lis. Combine that with Aloy's "Elisabet is the only reason you even have a planet to return to" for greater impact. Boom
#not to be obsessed with not only my own playlists but also my own writing but. man. poetic cinema#starting to think that the reason fross is always self-sabotaging is because he's already convinced that everything will inevitably go wron#and instead of waiting for it to catch him off guard he just. poisons it a little himself first.#and maybe then it won't hurt as much when shit does hit the fan!#(< look at this dumbass (me) having the exact same realization about my characters five separate times bc my memory sucks 😔)#but just look at his history. every time he tried to do something the right way in earnest it got fucked up for reasons out of his control#so. i could see it. why put in the effort to do things the right way if he's gonna get disappointed in the end?#it's almost like the hurdles that he himself creates are a test. and smth can only be worth pursuing if it can endure those hurdles first#it makes sense why his redemption arc starts once he's stuck on earth and he's like.#''ok now nemesis is gonna kill me for sure. there is nothing i can do to make this situation any worse. guess i'll wash the dishes fml''#lol#but i also think about pre-apocalypse fross practically begging tilda to let him have something that's uniquely his. even if it sucks#(putting a pin on fross's anxieties about being cloned and his disdain towards aloy and beta in that regard)#because he feels like he's always been pulled by external forces and he doesn't know how to break free. doesn't think he even WANTS to#because it's all he's ever known. and stepping outside of his comfort zone is scary :')#but of course he doesn't have the emotional awareness to even be aware of any of that lmao. pity#oc: fross#oc tag#ramble#anyways. sorry i put the meat of this post in the tags. i didn't expect to write this much lol
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mrfoox · 2 years
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God im... Probably too nice but it's fine
#miranda talking shit#I wanted to talk about a thing but...noticed quickly that they were not in a good mood/mindset so ofc i didnt even bring it up#I mean the talk was good anyway. I think he... Needed that. We talked about feelings and how to handle them#And at one point he stopped and turned to me and went 'that thing you said about getting another perspective on it... Thats smart. Thats#A very good idea. Im going to try that' not like im good at dealing with emotions. But i try to and that's a thing i know have helped me at#Times. Discussed our goals/dreams and well... I cant agree with his or understand it at all but as long as he thinks thats what he wants#Then im not going to argue. Love how he always drone on about he doesn't care about anyone or what anyone thinks but still wants to hear#What i think. I told him that was funny to me. Bc imo one doesnt ask about something one doesn't care about or have any interest in...#He's been a lot more... Curious about what i think about things and its fun. Personally im just fairly weak in my opinions. Not many things#I think are worth fighting over or arguing over tbh. So im used to just listening and nodding. But that may annoy the shit out of him lmao#That might be why he asks me about my opinion bc im so quiet and passive . But yeah very interesting to discuss#Mainly bc i havent heard anyone have that kind of opinion and goal of their own so it was fun?#But yeah ngl i love hearing people say im wise or smart. Bc i obviously dont hear that often. So when i do im like ah ... Thank you 😭#Its bc im not book smart but i guess im emotionally smarter or whatever. In general i just enjoy making people think about other perspectiv#Bc i always do that and enjoy it. Think many are unintentionally stuck in their own way of seeing things and everything become so black and#White. To me the world isnt . I wish it was but no everything is gray with many shades lol#Also me doing and example: 'i dont think everything is your fault oliver. I think its my own'#Oliver serious: yeah well i dont think its your fault either Miranda.' i almost cried like... He didn't have to say that i was obviously#Doing an example and joking ? But he still ... Said that and im like...thabk you for reassuring me...#And he really went 'i fought hard to be the one that came by here today. It was going to be another guy which me and magnus hate. So i#Fought hard to be able to come here instead' and im like 🥺... Thank you... I wasnt there to fight but thank you for doing that...#I mean im guessing he also enjoys our conversations so i dont think it was a selfless thing but it made me happy :')#If i could have any say I'd basically only have magnus and oliver come by me but i know thats not how it works but it made me happy that he#Went out of his way to get it changed. I need to thank him again next time... At least he seemed to be a little lighter leaving than when#He came. So i hope our discussion was a bit helpful at least. Something had happened and i asked him if he wanted to talk about it#And he said no first and then 'maybe. We'll see' which to me is major bc uh.... He usually dont ever talk about anything happening actively#To me. Usually he comes and shares it 6 month later or something. So... Trust increase? I hope im rubbing off on him in healthier mental#Ways. Considering he's gone from saying nothing about himself to trauma dumping ... I guess something has changed. God i just#Want to pick his brain about everything for real. He has such diffrent values and priorities than im used to and anyone i know have. I love#Hearing all about it. Ive told him before but if we didn't meet through this... Unusual way. We'd never would have naturally. And if we did
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wholemleko · 2 years
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yellowhearther0 · 2 years
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girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔
#sagittarius.txt#negative#stopped gaming and the horrors have returned#im just so fuciing pissed off. at the circumstances. in general#bc im stuck sittubg here with these shit ass feelings that no one can jack about until im either old enough to do something about it or#like. idek.#bc itsblike i cant say shit to my parents bc they wont take me seriously and lird knows i dont trust any of the adults at my fucking school#and im not going to make the handful of peiple i CAN talk to more worried about me when they already have atuff going on and they cant do#anything abt what im dealing with#but i dont even WANT to go to anyone because i dont wanna get mad at people when they tell me things i alreadybknow because i KNOW theyre#tryijg to help and they cant do much and its liek GRAH#im justvin such a shit plce bc i want to reach out but i have to do it of my own violition or else i'll just fucking shut down#im like a scared dog. in a cage. and he'll come to u if u just leave him be and let him do his own thing#but like. if im the svared little dog than everyone else is the big scary human who i slowly inch closer to and then suddenly the stick out#their hand right as im near them and then i run right back to where i was before and then we're back at square 1. does this make sense#and its litwrally no ones fault but my own#i just never know how to tell what other people are thinking so i think i project how i feel about myself onto what i thibk others rhing of#me and so i go into every potentially vulnerable conversation with my guard drawn high because im just expecting people to get sick of me#always complaining but never actually trying to better myself#idk man#im normal#i peomise
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