#i felt so happy this morning too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

softnsquishable · 1 year

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#i hate everything so much #ive been totally isolated all weekend and it isnt good for me and it's making me so sad #but i dont have anyone to hang out witj #and a discord server im in starts a game and i decide that even though im kinda tired ill join #because itll make me feel better #my computer is fucked #i tell them ill hop on #it takes an hour for my conputer tl turn on #then i have to jnstall discord again #and as soon as the discord window opens everyone leaves the voice call and says WE'RE DONE with a fucking smiley emoji #and i have not been able to stop sobbing since #it's been like fifteen minutes at this point #i am so fucking miserable #i felt so happy this morning too #for no fucking reason #i shouldn't expect it or anything #tomorrow is gonna be day three of the same shit and then i go back to work #fuck me fuck this fuck absolutely everything

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chrisbangs · 1 year

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YANG JEONGIN for @foxinys

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spaghett-onaplate · 4 months

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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself #and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change #it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly #so there was somewhat of a gradual progression #but still #also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time #i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i #had been socially involved #anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change #and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find #the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever #and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha #(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically #it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni #ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that #but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped #and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr #i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years #and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it #and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing #kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao #i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school #and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build #--ing towards #which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now

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carcarrot · 3 months

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this time last year i was probably sitting in the kitchen while my dad started making an early dinner of chicken bolognese trying not to get too nervous about the concert i'd be going to in a few hours

#the nyc concert was last year. LAST YEAR .#thats so insane like yeah that feels like a year ago but good god the insane amount of stuff that has happened since #but god i remember that day so well #it was cloudy and a little rainy in the morning which made me ough thinking it was a bad omen and wouldnt be as fun #and i remember going to library and printing out my silly letters (i should have just. not done that lol)#and on the DAY OF on the way back home from the library #i even bought a cropped black blazer specifically for my concert outfit. havent worn it since lmao #and my dad and i even watched a movie at lunch #a short movie but a movie nonetheless. lol and even then i was like oghh my gosh excitement and nervousness #and then the car service getting there i felt so fancy and as the drive started the clouds were magically dissipating #so that it was a nice clear evening when i got to the theatre #and then all the insanity of the show. god i cant believe it still after all this time. wowie #going to listen to a playlist of the show setlist im gonna get emotional now. guys........#one of my fave memories is how everyone started standing up as they went into so may we start so i was like ok are we all doing this #and stood up too and then stood for the entire rest of the concert. i think the first 3-5 rows were like that for the whole show #surreal and insane i was front row. those guys were REAL and CLOSE #i was also very excited to notice russells new shoes :) when i wasnt like awooga (how i was 99% of the time)#there was one so may we start jump that was well. yeah. front row baby #i think after latte i was like ok i cant film i gotta just vibe #religious experience doing the 'ah ah ah's during that. really interesting #ok im not gonna go through the whole show again but wowie one of my most insane nights. second only to hollywood bowl #wow what a fun year it was. just so many incredible moments #ok yay 💖 happy one year to all that. love those guys so much #spars #ok not actually done beaver o lindy was INSANE LIVE!!! AS WAS EVERYTHING ELSE. so fun ok now done for real

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naenaex0xx · 5 months

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maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone

#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol #my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c)#well. im happy if i get to do it now #cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !!#okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment #so im writing things im proud of!#brushed my teeth for more than two mins today #n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross #but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night!#that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time #and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<)#and oh. i want to start going on walks..#itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me #just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside #n thats not good :<#those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends!#ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol #its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well-#i guess i wanna get closer to people?#and.. talk to ny old friends too #i feel to guilty #im not good with this stuff. it drains me #but anyways. baby steps right? who knows #maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good #ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol #but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright #<333 #posts.nae/rambles

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psikind · 1 year

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hey so. childhood friend of mine commited suicide late july and his dad’s trying to fund the money for his funeral service - if people have the money to donate please do the service is in 3 days (august 5th) and he’s very close to the goal but otherwise it’d mean a lot if people spread the link around -> https://gofund.me/f04d9bf0

#gofundme #suicide #donations #idk what else I would tag this with but. yeah #sorry to the people that're gonna get jumpscared by a blocked tag I just felt liek this was important to share #he was like. the one irl friend I had consistently that never bullied me because we were both so different from everyone else #we fell out of touch but I always talk about him fondly and then my mom told me this morning and just. god #I'm really glad I'm gonna have a lot of support and love this month I already know that but what a way to start it huh.#I hope everyone's doing okay. if you're in a hard place right now take this as a sign to do something nice for yourself #talk to a friend go buy some chocolate listen to your favorite song anything #and if it feels like nothing's making you happy #please trust me when I say it will some day #I know everyone says that I know but I've been there I've been through some horrible fucking shit #like anime anti-hero/rival/love interest-to-die levels of trauma #trust me. trust. me.#it will get better. wake up another day. this too shall pass #sorry for the ramble I just feel Very Strongly about this

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munamania · 1 year

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um i miss them i miss queer joy and the gay churchism of being at a concert etc i miss being in a room with them and a bunch of other dykes

#apparently did not take a vid during the last concert but #remembering how i fucked up jos ‘right now!’ in the verses both times and was just soooo happy #full body laughing with lydia and naomi started laughing too and could’ve been unrelated but we were like you know one row back #so it felt like a Moment. and everyone WAS out dancing!!#:(((((#i better get tickets to that stupid ass music fest in october that i do not have money for rn #this song was also christened for me when. so i remember after the phoebe concert. first of all long ass day and so much walking #to and from the venue i was EXHAUSTED. slept for like an hour then my roommate at the time had people over soooo wasted in our living room #barely slept any more after. got up the next morning making myself breakfast. this bad boy comes on cause i’m listening to about u #all the way thru for the first time. and i just start SOBBING. it was a release #abby talks

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rexscanonwife · 3 months

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me irl

#jane journals #vent #uggghhhh so remember how i said id have tomorrow off?#well a coworker was feeling really sick #and no one else was able to take her shift #even though no on wanted to do that for ME i felt really bad for her so im heading to WORK rn #this sucks so fucking much even tho i know it IS my own fault #my one comfort is my cat seems to be back to normal aside from not liking his new food 😭😭#i gave him some wet food this morning and he ate that shit UP #maybe ill try mixing his old stuff with a little bit of the new stuff #maybe trying to switch him over right away was not a good move sjfmgkg #i didnt throw out his old bag at least #hes been drinking plenty of water tho which im happy about! as well as being more energetic #anyways i need a fucking break #i need a reason to smile today 😭😭😭#at least my partner is coming home tonight too 🥺💗💗💗

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mitamicah · 1 year

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Omg, hold on a second. Your lyrics are insane. Please excuse me while I cry over them. Straight to the heart, into the pool of emotions.

So pretty, so neat. So emotionally raw and beautiful. That touched something in me, if I weren’t at work I would cry over them. Can’t await to take a deep dive into your other stuff.

Thank you for sharing. :3

The worst (best?) is that this is only the beginning :'D

But thank you so much, Jay 🥺 It honores me to know my words can touch you like this 🥹💚

#sometimes I've felt worried that my lyrics was too simple or silly so knowing they're raw and emotional makes me very happy #I've always loved writing tho #it started out being short stories then novella length stories and then song lyrics #now I'm babbling again xD #I hope I won't emotionally scar you too much since I still have five videos I want to share from today :'3 #(mostly light hearted jokingly said btw)#replies #also sorry to everybody who's not here for my original music - this morning is all about my dang music x'D

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llycaons · 5 months

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I'm looking forward to packing up to move so much!! and then opening it all again there where I end up and setting up my home 😊 I'm not someone who likes unpacking after a trip, but when it's your whole home going somewhere new and exciting, I feel like it's different. I'm saying goodbye to so many things I don't need anymore, or never needed, and for the first time in my life getting to choose exactly what's going to be in my space, with an actual budget for things I need or even just want, and nobody else to impede me bring in their own stuff. ahhh it took so many years to get to this point but I can't wait!!!

#and I was very happy to come to this place too #for the majority of my time here I've been very pleased #I still remember my excitement when I learned we had a bathtub #I hadn't had a bathtub in my dorm so I felt like we were in luxury #and truly. despite the roaches and the blinds and the breakin #it's been a very reasonable apartment #with a responsive manager #there's tons of space. the floors are gorgeous. in-unit washer and dryer #even my aunt and uncle have to go to the basement for that in their fancy complex #a big room for me. a decent kitchen. came with a microwave. and fairly clean #great location. and despite the one incident. actually very secure #but in my new place I can host!!!! I can spread out!! use the bathroom whenever!! get a kitty cat!!#bake!! come home noisily at all hours! not tiptoe in the mornings!! play music!! be free!!#I'm so excited for my family and friends to visit :3 #mutuals this means you too!! come to the east coast!#and this is a new renovation so hopefully my cousin can come without her allergies acting up #my aunt and uncle have hosted so many times I would be so happy to return the favor #cor.txt

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parallaxabomination · 5 months

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my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now.#i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

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peonyleaf · 2 years

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i had a very very nice day and am going to bed feeling that little sting of sadness that happiness sometimes causes.

#i had a wonderful morning and lunch with my parents #we did go to Outback after all and i did have my shrimp pasta and it tasted perfect. exactly like i remembered it.#then we came back and they bought me a new pair of jeans!#then went to my bf's house we watched Aftersun and Marcel The Shell With Shoes on and we both cried #both movies are so. so special #had awesome burgers too! and talked and talked and i felt so happy and in love.#then came back home and cuddled with my dog for a bit.#it was perfect. I'm just. it was perfect #lett speaks

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arttheclown · 1 year

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also while i’m on the topic of catscratch. i know only like. a very small handful of friends will know what i’m rambling about but i rewatched the katilda eps and oh my god i didn’t realize it as a kid but she and blik had like. negative chemistry 💀 their personalities just do Not mesh at all and as sad as i am that the show was cancelled so early im kinda glad we never saw that relationship come into fruition LOL

#sid speaks #i like Her she’s a fun character but she’s way too energetic / reckless / happy go lucky for him #and i feel like his harshness and how rigid he is would inevitably hurt her feelings #normally im an opposites attract person but wow they. really are not compatible #i kind of wish they paired her off with gordon or waffle or better yet just like her be her own character #i have to question if i ever felt that strongly about them as a kid fixating on the show #or if i just went along with it out of a sense of obligation. so glad that phase is over now 😬#anyway what im saying. mandatory het ship bad lol #before i forget — really really not a fan of how childish she comes across compared to him #she’s an ADULT yeah they both are but he’s very jaded and wants to read his morning paper and go to country clubs and shit #while she wants to LARP and not tell anyone she’s LARPing and then get upset when they wind up frustrated with her for alarming them #idk i know it’s a silly old cartoon. i just have Thoughts

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willowfey · 2 years

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#i am not doing well girlies #disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol #everything is always overwhelming i am always sad everything feels itchy #every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up #everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am #but where do i belong in all of this?#i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad #plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know #but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes?#everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping #idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little?#but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc #right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha #so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me #meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and #i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable #i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it #and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years??#and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!!#and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ??#and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever??#will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all?#will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone?#or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them?#will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever #im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.

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katyobsesses · 2 years

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Okay so how quick are anxiety meds meant to kick in because...

I think these are working? after only 3 days? Like I feel carefree and hopeful and felt less awkward just chatting with my therapist about The Last Of Us (because apparently she's watching it to which is cool!) Like I rambled for a good few minutes infodumping about zombie media because I did a course on it in Uni, I was this close to giving a fucking presentation FFS.

I feel like me again, and I don't think I've really felt this free to be me since I was like... 14. It's a heady feeling.

#its nice #im less nervous but i dont even know in what way?#i just simply feel free #if also a little nauseated and headachey #but apparently that normal for these meds #i also feel less self conscious about what i believe is my autism #like stiming in front of my mum or even alone. of realising later that i missed a social cue in a conversation. of infodumping #this is so freeing what the heck #i love this??#im singing more too which feels SO fucking nice. not just mumbling along to a song but Belting It #and its less nervous sounding too #even alone #gosh i cried out of HAPPINESS after my therapy session i felt so much like me #i havent cried in happiness for... i dont even know how long??#morning the loss of my twenties a bit. if i knew it was this easy to get help... but nevermind i have it now and #im hopeful #truely hopeful #katy liveblogs life 2023

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piercing-craft · 1 day

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..

#when am i ever gonna be more than just a sad pity project to everyone i know #i want to be capable and successful and happy so bad but i just cant be no matter how hard i try and im so so tired #the only thing i have going for me is that sometimes people kind of like me but i dont think they would if they knew how i felt all the time #im too messy and abrasive and i try to keep it managed and be normal and pleasant and never need anything #pretending that i have a goal or skills or plans or a future when its only ever just been a haze #but its so exhausting keeping it up #i will always be a washed up burned out disappointment and my brain will never let me be more than that #its not going to get better and im tired of trying im tired of dissociating through an entire year #just because i cant take the reality i live in anymore #and ultimately i will go to bed and wake up in the morning and live through the day and do it again #because what else is there to do but rot from the inside out while going through the motions #sometimes its feels like my whole life is one big joke and that im the universes favorite punchijg bag #txt

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