#i fuckin hate how undervalued i feel

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

1) You have no idea how excited I was when someone actually wanted to delve my AU list, and #16 is one I haven't really done any work on this one so I'm so happy to think more on it thank you so much @tinpotterror

2) au 16 is one I'm so excited to get a plot for I can't stress enough that I think this one is gonna be good I just don't have a main conflict yet but who knows maybe this post will brew it, I do some great thinking while typing shit

SO AU 16 is a hospital au

which yes yes I know

but I need you to imagine, to come along for the ride with me.

It's an emergency room, because it always is, that's how these things always go, and ben solo is nearing the end of his residency. four years of undergrad, four years of medical school, and he's ready to be a fully fledged doctor. It's all he's wanted for fuckin YEARS, and he's almost there.

But charge nurse Armitage Hux continues to be a pain in his ass. All he has are complaints; the way Ben charts, his patient demeanor, hell, he even questions the dosage on meds, sometimes. (And he's often right, though Ben will never admit it. 50mg ˆwouldˆ have killed that patient, he did mean 5mg.) Ben doesn't like it, but Hux spends a lot of time cleaning up his messes, to the point that Hux legit does not respect Ben. Literally calls him Ben, doesn't call him Dr. Anything, because he's inches away from being a nurse practitioner, and he's earned the right to feel that way.

My favorite game to play is how do I get snoke in this au, and I think snoke is an elderly patient who's a frequent flier. he's awful, he's cruel, and the only two people in the ED he likes are Hux and Ben, so they end up having to work together more than either would like, as Snoke's health declines. Does Ben try to ignore a DNR? maybe? does he terrorize the other nurses to the point that they refuse to do anything for him, and ben spends fifteen minutes on one poor teenage boys blood draw, because he's only found a vein like three times? definitely. Is there a mass casualty event, because those are always a plot point on hospital shows? it is now, and you'll never guess who wasn't working that day and comes in half delirious on a stretcher, because you guessed it itS HUX (coming back I've decided he was running a race and there was a shooting because I put plenty of my own nightmares into fan fiction and this would just be another.)

and ben obviously realizes in those moments, as he looks at hux in the hospital bed, heading into emergency surgery, how much he relies on that voice, how much he's been leaning on Hux's years more experience, how much he's been undervaluing that resource. And hux gets through surgery while Ben is having to help other patients and trying not to lose his mind, he gets admitted to a room and when he wakes up from anesthesia, who would happen to be sitting in his room, passed out after a 14 hour shift still in his scrubs but Ben solo, a cold cup of tea that was smuggled in sitting on his bedside table.

and Ben keeps visiting hux, although Hux doesn't know why. He assumes it's guilt, of some sort, and figures he can take advantage of it to get the good snacks from the vending machine, but he comes back to work and Ben is still nice? And at this point, it's getting confusing, but he just keeps letting it happen, because he's decided it's preferable to Ben from before, but in some ways, it's not, because he starts to miss some of the venom, and he can't figure out why, until he realizes that oh no he hates Ben but he was also 100% flirting and that's a terrible idea, they work together it would end so poorly

But ben won't stop looking at him with his big doe eyes and eventually hux breaks and kisses him, and ben's confused? and then hux is confused, because what was this all about if Ben didn't have a crush on him, but he flees the break room and goes home and ignores all the calls to his phone and shows up to his next shift and tries to pretend that nothing happened.

At which point another one of the nurses all but slaps ben over the head for being so dumb and then they bone i guess? I created most of this plot in the last five minutes so it needs some refinement but I just need one for the nurses tbh. THIS ONE IS FOR THE NURSES it's for every nurse that's ever been nice to me and also my friend tyra

[deqdyke]

Can't read more so 🤷

TW: self harm

Don't read the tags if I know u irl?

[jrueships]

LIBRA

LIBRA!!!! i LOVE libra! But i also hate libra cus i love libras. It's not the libras fault tho! Like IDK... i hate the general PERCEPTION of a libra? Cus it can do more harm than good..? Which sucks cus i hate when bad stuff happens to a libra, cus i love libras. HMM.. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS

SO LIKE. Libras and cancers fall into the 'cinnamon roll' category of zodiacs, n i fuckin HATE that trope n hate that people get put into it. Cus it's lowkey demeaning, weird, and undervaluing. N i hate undervaluing. CUS LIKE! YEAH! LIBRAS ARE GREAT LISTENERS, THEYRE DIPLOMATIC, THEY LOVE BALANCE. THEYRE GOOD PEOPLE! but like! They're still PEOPLE! Others need to realize that! THEY ARE NOT FUCKIN THERAPISTS! ALL THE FUCKIN TIME! idk tho, maybe im just adversed to it because i don't go to therapy cus im just uncomfy putting everything on a person thats not . Funny? Even if they're paid to have that? BUT LIKE ! YKNOW! Theyre not your PRECIOUS BEANS or whatever. They can be fuckin manipulative! But still do it out of the goodness of their hearts! Like a person can be that ! No one is perfect, tho, yknow, it's easy to think that when IM here all the time... naw im kidding tho, no one is perfect (as hard as it may seem to BELIEVE with ME 😊).

I love libra traits, but with every zodiac, you can also hate those traits. Cus they can become too much or turn sour. It comes off as a surprise because they SEEM so fun or good, but that's just a possibility n people gotta learn to understand that! Some people get that shock once and will forever hate that person for it, or others will never get it because they keep a person in a box. Or keep seeing that IN that box.

Like the whole 'libras can NEVER make a decision' that is SO . Flanderized. Because YEAH ive SEEN that with them, TRUST me. I made friends with a lot of libras (n it's funny cus ive ALWAYS started the relationship WITH them. Then later found out they were all libras. It's weird! I love them tho!), n when they can't make a decision. Bruh it's TERRIBLE. I had like 10 libras worrying to me about their college decision comparisons, even after making all these intricate graphs n charts n plans, they were STILL struggling. N WHATEVER YOU TRIED TO CONSOLE THEM WITH, THEY JUST SAW THE OTHER SIDE TO. that's how they ARE n i HATE that but they need that! I hated it cus my pride was starting to get in the way with all my ideas getting warped around or shot down like i was stupid, but a libra isn't TRYING to MAKE that happen! They just NEED to see two sides! It helps em figure shit out or get lost in a deeper rabbits hole to pop back out again. N i tell em like ! They're a person who'll ask for advice when venting or want an opinion then lowkey argue with you on that opinion. But still WANT it. N they agreed, that's just how they figure stuff out!

I try helpin em best i can with that, but sometimes i realized keeping the conversation would just make me unreasonably more angry, so i let them chat it off with like a cancer or something. They're great together, along with a cancer Taurus pair? I also love cancers, but those too I gotta take a step back with so Noone ends up getting their feelings hurt.

so I like libras but people gotta understand, they wont ALWAYS. N sometimes they don't so they keep pushin n pushin n that's bad! Libras can get feelings hurt when it comes to personal stuff, even lil jokes sometimes! They can ALSO be fixed on things! People tend to think they're ALWAYS indecisive, but when they think things, they THINK things. Literally all my libra friends send me political tiktoks. It's hilarious cus they'll send me a super important subject n ill heart it then send them a video of some kid hitting his head on a picnic table. They also send some funny videos, n they have similar humors where they love funny things being said or funny images ig? Like fingers pretending to poledance. The only way i can describe it is kinda cheesy humor vs my more random humor, but both are enjoyable! We bounce off well! BUT YEA so people will just tell them ANYTHING and expect them ALWAYS to want to be 3rd person, but that's not always the case! They can have a fixed opinion too, n it's a good one cus they weighed all other options but CHOSE that one. When a libra finally chooses smthin, it's usually really educated and good (like u choosing to be in the nba tumblrinas, the BEST tumblrinas. Obvs) (joking)

ALSO because they're seen as mediators, they're seen as 'pure'.. but they rlly aren't lol. If i had a nickel for everytime i met a libra, we talked a lil bit, we exchanged numbers, N THEN THEY JUST SENT ME A SCREENSHOT OF THEIR BDSM TEST RESULTS. I'D HAVE A BANK. they're! Idk! Spicy ig LMAO? At least spicier than you'd think n they really revel in it. They love feeling not boring similar to an aquarius n can also get caught up into 'im different' NOT to flex but to feel like a PERSON. When really their big difference is that they thought the minions movie was actually funny. Cancers also love to be all 'oohoohoo i can be dirty woo' but their reveals are way more basic lmao like. They're pillow princesses or whatever lol. ALSO all the libras who sent me a screenshot were switches and exhibitionists ?? That's pretty libra to me lmao??

Libras also are some of the most friendly people EVER. They can smalltalk to anyone without being bored, they love talking about themselves AND asking about others. They're unreal to me in that way. I always appreciate a libra's social ability n lowkey let them do the talking for me cus im actually a pretty quiet person as long as im not with friends. (When im with friends i can be insufferable tho so it's a lose lose). BUT!!! it's like no matter how CLOSE you are with a libra or how many people LIKE them... they will struggle to feel LOVED. They could go to a party and have everyone in that party greet them with the happiest smiles, and STILL go home thinking no one really knows them or loves them. They NEED love. They need a partner or just someone close. They need a pet cat they really love or an s/o to feel balanced. Which doesn't always gel with me who's good with solitude!

They can also be super flirty n jealous, pretty basic info tho! But they're like! Funny with their jealousy. A jealous or disagreed libra can be lowkey manipulative but mean it what they think is well! Like im just trying to get you out of a bad option without directly SAYING it's a bad option jealous. I had a libra BFF who liked me (ive had lots of libras whove had crushes on me but rarely did we become a thing thing cus i didnt wanna end up ruining a friendship with a person i valued so much over something stupid like a breakup. It wasnt cus we were both guys cus ive had n have a bf. Just in the closet to keep me safe from family. Im very masculine ive been told and seem like a 'normie???' But once people get to know me they say im like a butch lesbian?? Idk man! Ask the libras, they call me that!), n whenever i would make a simple comment on how i thought xx was pretty or cute, he'd lowkey be like 'you just like xx cus you like objects' N IT WAS LIKE? DAMN BRO YOU REALLY THINK ME LIKE THAT? im just complimentin ppl n i didn't do it n like a 'WOW her boobs are HUGE' just in a 'i like her hair she's pretty', but it still got him upset! I understood it tho, libras can easily feel inadequate, so i didn't do that infront of him no more. Like, a libra HATES hates HATES introducing their older friend to a newer friend and having them end up pushing the libra out the circle because THEY became closer. They hate feeling inadequate or too boring or too much of anything. IDK! they're not as perfect as people like to think them as, n! Homie needs a therapist lol, in the most respectful intent. Those signs just would really thrive from having someone who they can talk to without worrying abt being seen or taken wrong

[soncfseed]

REPOSTED FROM MY OLD BLOG: Probably my most important headcanon, so please take the time to read this!!

spoilers ahead, but im gonna look at ethans cutscenes and talk about how his bpd (borderline personality disorder) affects his actions and his perceptions throughout the story of new dawn. this is all just headcanon and my interpretation of ethan and how bpd would affect him. none of this is meant to excuse his more nefarious actions, but explain why my interpretation of ethan doesnt pin him as a selfish, horrible, awful monster, but rather a young man with a lot of unresolved trauma and a serious mental health condition who ended up making some terrible choices that resulted in a lot of pain for a lot of people.

0:05 - ethan’s introduction

in this scene ethan experiences some pretty quick and dramatic mood shifts, and has a pretty significant emotional outburst. these are characteristic of the mood swings and emotional dis-regulation experienced by many people with bpd. he starts off catching the captain off guard, sneaking up behind them. ethan has been taught to distrust outsiders, and a symptom of bpd he experiences is suspicion of others and sometimes brief bouts of paranoia. this kind of behaviour makes sense when this is taken into context.

he says that he might not be what the captain expects. this is part of his low self esteem and struggles with his self image and how others perceive him. he constantly feels as though he can never truly be his own person, outside of joseph seed, and that his existence is a disappointment to those who know him.

once he sees the book, he is triggered into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. acknowledging that the deputy is the one who found the book, and according to joseph’s prophecy will be the true ruler of new eden, is what sets him off. once ethan goes into his rant about it should’ve been him, he’s experiencing a mood swing and sudden spike in his anger and irritability. due to his issues w emotional regulation and control over his expressions of emotion, ethan lashes out by screaming and knocking over the podium in the church. mood swings for bpd sufferers can be only minutes long. what pulls ethan back down to earth a bit is a sudden rush when he realizes he can work with the captain to enlighten new eden to the truth: that joseph is a man, not a messiah, and kind of a shitty one at that who abandoned them all.

3:50 - ethan’s first speech in new eden

ethan’s posturing here is just that; posturing. he’s putting on a bit of a show with the “non believer” bit. he does, however, not entirely trust outsiders nor would he trust that the people of new eden wouldn’t turn on him if he suggested that the captain go north. no, instead he plays off of what he expects the people will do to avoid potential rejection or rebellion. this plays off of his mistrust and suspicion of others, as well as serves to protect his secret interests (getting proof that joseph is dead to get new eden to move on from him) and his ego (tied to the bpd symptom of self image issues and unstable self realization).

ethan can’t help but be a bit sarcastic with “we are all his children”. sarcasm and unwarranted aloofness can tie into bpd, and here it definitely does due to his poor relationship with his father, and with the rumours surrounding his paternity in new eden.

while bpd does not inherently make people manipulative, manipulation of others is often something those with bpd adopt as a coping mechanism to manage their unstable relationships or unstable self image. ethan has adopted this trait in some ways and this is definitely one of them. he does not trust the people of new eden, and knows they wont listen to him fully. this is his main motivator for keeping his plan secret.

the fact that ethan feels he has to act a certain way when he’s the leader of new eden further contributes to his unstable self realization. he puts on different fronts to different people to try and both please them and protect himself.

when he says “they will at last understand that i am their prophet…”, this is in part because he feels he’s worked hard to be the inheritor of new eden. he’s not only joseph’s son (and even if he doesn’t like joseph he wants to be recognized as his biological son, making the rumours about his paternity even more hurtful) but he’s been a successful leader as far as we can tell. to think he will lose it all over a book is damn near panic inducing for ethan. well this is in part a kind of arrogance, it’s fueled by his extreme emotions/mood swings as well as how closely he ties his identity to his position within his community. because his self image is so unstable, threats to that cause him to act in ways that may seem irrational or extreme in order to try and protect his self image. also, ethan will only help the captain in exchange for something in part bc of his suspicion of others. he doesn’t want to offer new eden’s archers and resources without knowing that he will benefit in return. after all, if something goes wrong in new eden bc of this outsider and he allowed it, it’s his responsibility to take the blame and fix it.

5:20 - into the bliss

theres not much in this scene to tie to his bpd. one line i think is important though: “bring me proof of my fathers death and i will make sure you are remembered as a friend of the prophet”. well this can be interpreted as ethan saying to kill joseph, i dont think he is. ethan believes joseph is long gone, that he could never survive all alone for this long. ethan isn’t evil, he’s not asking someone to commit murder, he’s asking them to confirm that someone is already dead. sure, he’s self serving and he wants something in return for his allyship, but to him this is how he can ensure a fair trade, and that an outsider won’t take advantage of him or new eden as easily.

14:18 - ethan, interrupted

ethan’s big speech where joseph fuckin crashes it. at first, he literally does not even see joseph in the crowd. he truly believes he’s dead and that the captain will bring back proof of this. to him, adherence to his rule makes sense; he’s the leader, and things need to change. it is arrogant, because ethan has partially internalized a sense of superiority and entitlement because of his position as joseph’s son, and now heir to the rulership of new eden (he thinks). this combined with an unstable self esteem and self image makes him want total compliance to his rule. criticism, disobedience, they threaten his self worth and that can send him into an emotional spiral or severe mood swing. so, to try and avoid the negative consequences he experiences from perceived slights and rejections, he wants a clean slate and total adherence to his new rules.

when he actually sees joseph, he stops, stammers, and says “father?”. not the father. just father. in this moment, his father who abandoned him (who went out for smokes and never came back) has suddenly shown up in the middle of his speech about him being dead. his arm drops and he stands there, stunned and speechless. his first question is “where have you been?”. he wants to know why and he asks why. why did his father abandon them? abandon him? the answer is completely meaningless to him. it’s basic, it has no detail, and isn’t sufficient. he’s speechless again for a bit, breathing heavier and hyperventilating. he steps away from joseph. when joseph calls the captain god’s sword, ethan damn near does a double take. he’s literally standing in his father’s shadow while he exalts an outsider in front of his own son, after interrupting his speech and embarrassing him in front of everyone.

one of ethan’s symptoms is his overvaluing and undervaluing people in his life. this is when he switches from overvaluing the captain, putting too much faith and hope into them, to undervaluing and practically hating them. his relationship with his father is tenuous, and rocky. it is characterized by ethan’s intense desire to be josephs successor and publicly recognized as his son. ethan even calls out to joseph, upset about the fact that hes now suddenly and publicly being dethroned; joseph doesnt even look back at him. ethan rejects josephs words in anger. he has a sudden outburst in front of the crowd; yet another sudden spike in his emotions from a stressful situation causes him to say what he’s really thinking. “you abandoned me. you abandoned us.” ethan says joseph didn’t leave instructions or a message, just left ethan to lead with no idea how. he does the best job he can under these extreme circumstances, and now all of his hard work is for nothing. that would make even the most level headed neurotypical person upset. whenn ethan starts to lose the support of new eden, he breaks down a bit. the anchor of his self image has been completely ripped away from him in a moment. he storms off partially and his body language is pretty dire; head down, shoulders moving sharply like he’s breathing harshly, and then he turns to watch the crowd walk away from him. imo, part of why ethan doesn’t completely lose it in this scene is that he might be partially dissociating or beginning to dissociate or experience some de-realization from the sudden, acute emotional distress this moment causes for him.

17:45 - ethan’s response

this is when ethan says that the captain betrayed him. they had a deal. he completely put his trust into the captain, idealizing them as the person who could solve his problems, only for them to bring joseph back and make everything in ethans life worse. now, the pendulum swings to the other side where ethan begins to loathe the captain. saying that the captain should have killed joseph themselves is an expression of 1) the intense reactions people with bpd can have to certain situations and 2) his skewed logic because of it. what seems totally irrational to someone else might seem like the only logical solution to a problem for someone with bpd. the stress of such a painful, emotionally charged situation like this one. he never wants to see the captain again; on a dime he flips, from putting all of his trust and hope into one person to saying he never wants to see them again and that they betrayed him. this quick switch of very intense perceptions of others is a cycle of idealization and undervaluing that people with bpd may experience.

18:07 - ethan’s prayer letter

in this letter, ethan discusses how he feels he hates his father for the abandonment; how joseph “expected everything and gave nothing”, how ethan never got to really have joseph as a father for himself because he was too busy being THE father. he says wrath and envy grip him tight to the point he feels he can’t breathe. this is definitely indicative of ethans mood swings and intense emotions, especially the irrational anger and aggression many people with bpd can have. then, he says nobody but himself, his mother, and god can know about how he feels, and that he must put on a front for new eden and be a leader to them “no matter what”. this is absolutely something i can see being tied to his bpd. he is aware that expressing his thoughts, feelings, and reactions to others would probably get a negative reaction. he seeks to avoid that, as well as to avoid the judgment from others he thinks he would get. his unstable self image is complicated by the fact that he feels obligated to hide the symptoms of his illness, and pretend to be someone he isn’t. this only makes it worse, as he ties his social and therefore individual identity to “ruler of new eden”. he relies very much on the responses and reactions of others to gauge whether or not he seems “normal” or capable of doing his job.

18:27 - npc dialogue

ethan says that josephs followers see the prophecy coming to light, but ethan sees it as a chance for new eden to make its own path. this is also when ethan says that he is josephs biological son, and that his mother raised him outside of hope county and brought him there when he was young to be raised by joseph. she died from an illness on their journey. this is some pretty significant baggage for ethan. he wants new eden, and himself, to become independent. the only reason he stays in new eden is because of his mother. he loves her, and idealizes her in a way that never flips to undervaluing because the relationship is one sided since her passing.

19:23 - megan’s letter to joseph

this is important just bc it states megan raised ethan as a non believer but after the collapse taught him about joseph’s word. this is important for ethan because it means he had to relearn some pretty significant things after the apocalypse, including a whole new religion and worldview. this can be very confusing for a child, and in part explains why ethan isn’t totally on board with josephs word, or the all of new eden’s beliefs surrounding him; his earliest formative years had nothing to do with joseph seed or prophets or collapses. he had to convert, and did so as a child who couldn’t really understand or make that choice for himself. he is tied to new eden solely because of megan, and without her wish to have him be josephs heir, he would’ve left long ago.

20:08 - intermission/flashback

this is when we see a young babby ethan get nasty with joseph. this is an early sign of his bpd developing. he has an intense reaction and says something very hurtful to his father over not getting what he wants, which isn’t just the apple but his father’s approval. to him, this is another rejection by joseph, or it is perceived that way by a young ethan. constantly being told something wasn’t gods plan, or it isn’t part of a prophecy without further explanation was confusing and frustrating for ethan growing up. he wanted the apple to be like his father; he wanted the apple to feel integrated into his community like the others who were given the gift. this denial, one that is permanent and leaves no room for ethan to change or grow and become capable of handling its strength leaves him feeling defeated and angry. his reaction of “you are an old man, and when you die i will take one” shows a very quick emotional shift and a shift from idolizing his father and wanting to be like him to practically hating him, becoming cold and distant in mere moments.

21:16 - joseph’s worry

“ethan’s sin is pride. there is something deep inside him that no word of mine can touch. i worry that now as an outsider appears to take his place that beast will feed on resentment and grow stronger. ” YEAH ITS BPD YA DINGUS fdpgpfd but more seriously, ethans pride is a coping mechanism to deal with his ever changing self image and self worth. its a rigid barrier to keep others from knowing how weak he really feels, and how uncertain he is of himself.

23:25 - ethan’s betrayal

this is where ethan betrays new eden and sets them up so the highwaymen can destroy the settlement. he tolerates the highwaymen laughing at him only so he can get what he wants: revenge. this extreme response is from his bpd. his impulsive anger, and the extremes his mind goes to won out and he acted on his violent thoughts.

26:26 - ethan and the fruit

when joseph asks ethan what hes done (referring to betraying new eden), ethan says: “i did what i had to do. i freed myself, i freed us all from you, from your rules.”. to ethan this was logical. this was something he had to do. he didn’t take pleasure in it, he didn’t go into new eden and kill everyone himself. no, he handed them over to the highwaymen in a desperate, out of touch moment. the spark was there and his disorder was gasoline that helped the flames to spread. he reacted intensely, out of irrationally extreme anger, towards an entire group of people he had shifted to undervaluing. he felt betrayed so he returned in kind, but no matter how wrong that was ethan couldnt see it.

“i will have what you denied me. you gave it to an outsider but you wouldn’t give it to me. i am your flesh and blood” and explosively tells joseph he doesnt know gods will. he lashes out against his father, arguing with him and rebelling directly by taking the one thing joseph kept him from that he truly wanted. to ethan, in my hc, the apple is more than just power and more than just something he covets. its a symbol of joseph’s fatherhood, of his love; he gave it to everyone but ethan, his own son, and now he would take what he wanted from life with or without josephs input.

31:08 - the death of ethan seed

the first thing ethan says after he sees joseph is “father… i’m sorry”. he’s scared. he knows he’s going to die. he asks if joseph can forgive him. he knows he’s fucked up, obviously, not just by eating the apple but by betraying new eden. his last word is “father”. no matter how torn his relationship was with joseph, he wanted his father’s love. he wanted connection with his father. he wanted to feel validated, have his identity confirmed, even in his last moments.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Re-watching Gotham

Reminding me how much I love Barbara/Tabby 

And how much I HATE THIS FUCKIN SHOW for always doing all it could to ruin Barbara/Tabby even though they were both canon queer and had feelings for each other just never failing to shit on beautiful gay lady love

All that garbage with Tabitha and Butch (Seriously did anyone...ANYONE..care about Butch? As anything other than comic relief? He’s just a lovable imbecile who smashes stuff. Like he’s not a BAD character or even that bad of a person by Gotham’s standards (honestly we see the shows “Hero” Jim Gordon murder way more people than Butch does and Butch is meant to be one of the villains) but was ANYONE watching this show and seriously thinking “God I hope Tabby/Butch is OTP”)

Meanwhile Barbara and Tabitha are like...one of the few genuinely interesting relationships/dynamics in this whole shitshow? These two fierce queer women whose lives are this big stupid fucking mess because Gotham is a fucking nonsense tv series and nothing that happens makes sense but throughout it all from season one onwards the fact that these two are basically Ride Or Die for each other is one of the only consistent pieces of characterisation in it (The other is that Jim and Bullock are also ride or die for each other) and no matter what drama happens Tabby just wants Barabra to be strong and powerful and awesome and Barbara really just wants her Tabby and no matter where she is in her life she just wants to know Tabitha is there and also they basically adopt Selina as their weird little Tiny Cat Daughter and its amazing

But this fuckin show ruins it and fucks over Tabby and Barbara for heteronormativity and ignoring/undervaluing queer lady love every chance it gets and it makes me want to throw things

In the past I’ve said RIverdale is basically Archie! Gotham and in some ways that’s true but Riverdale is better in one big way and thats that it treats Cheryl and Toni’s love with so much love and respect and it knows how amazing this kick ass Hella Extra lesbian love is and I wish Gotham had treated Barbara and Tabitha like that

< Just goes to to my grump corner to make headcanons

Gotham should have been Barbara and Tabitha’s story and also maybe Oswald and Ed’s (I will also allow Ed/Leslie because Monica Baccaran is a goddess and Jim/Bullock because Bullock is hillarious and makes Jim More Tolerable)

Basically heterosexuality ruined Gotham is what I am saying.

[ravenvsfox]

okay folks time for renison for the ask meme (part two of anon’s request) let’s dive in

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

i wanna say that they’ve transcended hurt and experience only love and peace for the rest of their lives but unfortunately.... allison.... is a bitch bless her

basically I think allison can be harsh when she’s upset and she tries to make sure that shit never touches renee but sometimes it does and she likes it when she can upset ppl bc it makes her feel strong again? but she also can’t stand renee hurting so it’s this constant discord. (but also renee pulls away so much to protect people and it hurts allison to see her go, sometimes.)

who is emotionally stronger?

they’re both absolute warriors lemme tell you. remember when allison’s boyfriend died and she pulled her hair back and got to fucking work?? remember when renee’s life was a vicious cycle of abuse and she took up a bible and started smacking ppl around with it?? BOTH of them could be sifting through their emotional baggage at 5 and kicking ass at 5:30 tbh

who is physically stronger?

renee,,,,, could kill you with her hands tied behind her back

she spars and LIFTS she is gentle and small and she has a six pack and she carries her gf to bed

who is more likely to break a bone? 

I can’t imagine anything getting the best of renee even like.. the ground... but also allison walks in towering heels 24/7 and has yet to bust her ass so maybe they’re both superhuman?? I feel like maybe renee would take things too far and break a pinky when she’s scrapping with andrew and probably dead-faced set her own finger and leave every fox....... shaken

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

Allison can rip out every follicle of your hair if she’s in the mood, she’s neil with crystal earrings, just bc her mouth is all perfectly applicated peaches & cream doesn’t mean it’s not filthy

she never uses renee’s past against her though. never.

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

I think renee is a LOT more willing to admit when she’s in the wrong, and her life is pretty much a balance of redemption and honesty so I think she apologizes very earnestly and seriously and allison basically snorts and tells her it’s forgotten and goes in for neck kisses

allison is a liiiittle too proud to apologize but when she knows she’s done BAD and when they’re alone & intimate in their apartment allison will come in crying and bare-faced and apologize and apologize and apologize

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

renee is scrappy and allison hates it but she’ll sit down for hours making sure every bit of renee is seen to, and she’ll neatly cover up renee’s bruises like she did for neil, quiet and sweet and methodical like she rarely is

who is in constant need of comfort? 

yikes it’s always both w our foxes man

I think allison’s loss is such a fresh wound in her mind and it’s so constant. She still feels so brutally undervalued for her talent and her ingenuity and her strength, and like. that gets bad. Renee’s loss runs deeper and harder and she can’t even think about it, most of the time. She’s making constant amends, but no matter how many times she prays before bed the nightmares still come. (so does allison, lighting sweet smelling candles and brushing renee’s hair back and kissing her face)

who gets more jealous? 

TOUGH bc I think renee projects this very ‘i’ve transcended human emotions and am an eternal sweetie with clothes knit from bible verses’ but she’s still very human and her girlfriend is very very hot and if one more man touches allison without her permission renee will take his hand off :))

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

okay... neither.. 

who will propose? 

I think allison would and I think she would spend 1 million dollars trying to make it unforgettable even though they could be collapsed on the court after a game and renee would say yes? they could be in bed or walking with their arms linked or having their weekly chinese food with dan and matt and renee would always say yes

(she proposes when they’re on vacation, at some european cathedral with streaming stained glass so renee can feel as close to god as allison feels to renee, and every pew is filled with a different colour of flower and a choir sings something ancient and sapphic ok bye)

who has the most difficult parents?

THIS QUESTION DOESN’T WORK FOR FOXES HOLY FUCK THEIR PARENTS ALL SUCK TAINTS THAT’S WHY THEY’VE UPGRADED TO SUPER DAD DAVID WYMACK

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

it’s pretty equal on the PDA front they’re very affectionate ppl

like I imagine Allison w her hands in the pockets of her designer bomber jacket and renee slipping her hand in too and smiling like fucking summer just rolled in early and hung up its coat

who comes up for the other all the time? 

you know that post where allison calls renee ‘exy’s cutest goalkeeper’?? yeah.. picture that.... all the time

who hogs the blankets? 

you’d think allison bc she enjoys the height of luxury at All Times but it’s renee actually she nests it’s what she does

I think bc she’s so comfortable that she subconsciously lets herself take more than her fair share

who gets more sad? 

allison is more outwardly sad, and it manifests itself in a shade that’s almost angry, almost nothing at all

she hates that she never got to see what seth could have been and she hates that her parents don’t love her and she hates the sight of her own face sometimes

renee doesn’t let the darkness in but when she does she spirals, hard, and she can’t even feel worthy of the cross she wears or the friends she keeps

who is better at cheering the other up? 

allison is such a whirlwind that she can crush sadness under her stilettos tbh like if renee can’t quite get her serene mask tied at the back allison will come in with truckloads of food and a brand fuckin new rhinestone cross (it was the early 2000′s... leave them be) and Dan in tow, and they talk around renee until she feels herself enough to pay attention and actually... smile a real smile

renee is a soother and she knows how to fight bad moods off, so she can calm people down, but allison can pump them up

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

i feel like renee is more likely to just look very wryly and fondly at allison if she says something ridiculous, but allison would be more of a slapper

who is more streetwise?

LMAO uh renee. next

who is more wise?

renee has that kind of all-knowing aura about her like I bet she knows the weirdest shit. Allison is smart in a very straightforward, brisk, I know how to fix this or work this out way, but renee just. knows things

who’s the shyest? 

also hilarious allison will stare a stranger down until they cower and die and renee is the most soft-spoken kiddo on earth

like it’s more of a self-imposed restraint than shyness but the fact remains that allison is an extrovertTM and renee is always going to look calm next to her

who boasts about the other more? 

allison thinks renee is the best thing that’s ever happened and she will show renee off the same way she shows off her wealth tbh bc renee is PRECIOUS to her anyway

who sits on who’s lap? 

renee sits in allison’s for height reasons, and bc allison buries her face in her hair and calls her baby when she does and it’s this whole spectacle