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vanderlindemorgans · 3 years

Text

Cross My Heart (Chapter 5)

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+

Summary: A traitorous Agent Whiskey returns to the United States on the run. Being cast out by Statesman, he soon finds that you’re the only person he can turn to - the embittered former flame from years long passed

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: Eventual smut, some references to alcoholism and drug use. Reader is in her late twenties but there is an age gap between her and Whiskey. Chapter specific warnings: one scene takes place in a hospital, some medical talk, more heavy drinking, talk of death and alcoholism (specifically related to drunk driving), mentions of drug addiction, Whiskey being a dick, lotta heavy topics in general.

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“Alright, so the X-Rays have come back and as you can probably already guess your left arm has been fractured”.

The news hadn’t been a shock to you at all - it was only logical that the result of being thrown off the back of a horse was your arm breaking from the impact of the fall, nevermind the sheer amount of pain that it had already caused you was even more indication that something was definitely wrong there. All things considered, it still wasn’t a pleasant piece of news to receive, causing you to let out a low groan as you settled back into the hospital gurney they had allocated to you after the ambulance had pulled you in. Dressed in only a hospital gown, you felt the chill from the room's air conditioning prick the edges of your skin, the coolness of temperature making the whole experience even more foreign to you. Of course, it wasn’t like you’d never been to a hospital before - an unlucky bout of croup had sent you to the emergency room as a little kid when you’d almost stopped breathing. At the resurgence of that particular memory you felt yourself shudder, recalling the hours spent passed out in a brightly lit room and being forced to drink gross tasting liquid that was meant to clear up your airways. At least you weren’t choking on your own breath this time round.

“Well that’s just fantastic. How long will it take to heal? I kinda got a ranch to run” you asked the doctor, who was standing off to the side consulting the clipboard nestled against his arm. Sighing, he looked up at you with a look of sympathy while he ran through the information he’d jotted down on his notes. “Usually it takes twelve weeks for fractures to heal - given the fact that a good part of your arm has been displaced you’ll need to be put into surgery to shift the bone back into place, which we’ll have scheduled for you in the next twenty-four hours. Afterwards, I’ll be putting you in a cast for a couple of weeks and you’ll have to come back in for checkups weekly. I’ll also give you a list of rehabilitation exercises you can do to ensure the recovery process goes as smoothly as possible” he explained. “After your surgery and subsequent discharge, I heavily recommend a few days bed rest due to the concussion you have sustained”.

“So I’m guessing most physical labour is out then” you muttered under your breath, sighing once you realized how heavily this would impact your ability to keep things running smoothly back at the ranch. Yes, you had employees but without you to oversee everything things would slow down and descend into madness real quickly. You wished you had allocated some sort of second in command for times like this, a manager of sorts to keep things in place while you recovered but you’d just never gotten around to it, brushing the thought aside every time it sprung up with a simple “Why would I need extra help anyway? Nothing ever happens around here”.

“You’d be correct on that. Now, I have some other patients to check on but I will be back in about 20 minutes or so to prep you for surgery, though I will send a nurse to give you some painkillers so you can stop feeling the worst of the pain for at least a little while” he replied. You went to thank him but before you could you felt a light touch graze along your right arm. Your eyes glanced over to where Jack’s hand was placed, his touch delicate and comforting, sparking that same feeling in your chest that you’d felt when he’d stroked your forehead back at the ranch. His eyes met your own for a moment, deep cedar brown looking at you with nothing more than concern and worry, somehow pulling at a single string of your heart even though you wanted to fight against it with all your might.

Snapping you focus back into place, you nodded back over to the doctor and thanked him for all he was doing, listening to his reassurances that he’d have you fixed up as soon as possible as he hurried on out of the room to his next patient in need. Once he was gone, you exhaled in annoyance and went back to staring aimlessly at the ceiling, mulling over the inconvenience of your predicament.

“Everything ok, sugar?” you heard Jack ask you, feeling his enchanting eyes study your expression, his anxiety over your wellbeing plain as day. Letting out a small laugh, you returned his question with a small smile of your own. “Does it look like I’m ok?” you joked, gesturing vaguely to your fractured arm.

He chuckled at your sarcasm, always enjoying that certain fire you had to your character that refused to silence itself. Unbeknownst to you, that was one of things that drew him towards you in the first place - his own air of cockiness and confidence was equally matched by your spitfire and sarcastic wit. Finding out the sweet disposition that lay behind that harshness the first time round had taken him by complete surprise, but only did more to endear himself to you. God, he was such a fool for losing that. He was certain that your sweetness was still there, closed behind even more layers of hurt and pain that he’d caused such a large hand in.

From the moment the ambulance had arrived, Jack had stayed beside you, refusing to leave for even a single moment. It was quite endearing, truth be told, a feeling that attempted to worm its way through your steadfast reasoning against him. He’s a liar. Don’t fall for his shit again, you repeated to yourself. Though it was becoming harder and harder to continue regarding him as your greatest mistake when he was behaving so kindly and gentlemanly towards you. Just a part of his deceptive charm, I guess, you thought bitterly.

“Y’know, you don’t have to worry about things gettin’ outta hand down at the ranch. I’m more than happy to step up and help” he spoke up, snapping your attention back to his words and out of your own contemplation. You thought about his proposal for a minute, the temptation to say yes seeming very appealing towards you, though somehow that felt like admitting to weakness. The ranch wasn’t his responsibility, it was yours, left to you by your dear parents. It was your obligation to run it in their stead - there’d been difficulties along the way, sure, including the occasional nasty cold every now and then but you had pulled through without any trouble. You didn’t need help or any sort of handout, and you were more than capable of taking care of business by yourself, even with a broken arm.

Then again, it is gonna be kinda hard to run a business while being confined to bed rest. Briefly you thought about just closing the ranch for a couple of days while you got back on track yet once you thought about the loss in profits you discarded that idea quickly. It wasn’t like you were struggling to make ends meet but a dip in profits could cause a bit of issue.

“Yeah but...It’s my responsibility. I can’t just ignore that because I got a stupid broken arm” you rebuffed, though you didn’t sound entirely convinced of what you were saying yourself. Sadly, stubbornness was your nature and even if you knew you were fighting a losing battle, sometimes it was more about the principle of having a position rather than whatever thing you were debating over. Some would say that was quite a counterproductive way to look at things, and you’d agree with them, yet you still remained stubborn in spite of them, feeding back into the cycle.

“Darlin’, with all due respect, I think what’s best for you is that you take a step back and let someone else take the reins. You need to allow yourself to rest a lil. Tell me, in all the years of runnin’ the ranch by yourself, have you ever once taken a day off?”.

“No, but-”.

“Exactly as I thought. You’ve been doing an amazing job at keeping things together for all these years, sweetheart, but you gotta relax a bit. Let me help you” he interrupted, gazing at you with those heart-meltingly sweet eyes of his, a look which made you seize up ever so slightly in minor fake annoyance. Little shit, he had to be doing that on purpose.

“Fine, only if it’ll get you to shut up” you relented, rolling your eyes in a dramatic fashion and hitting your head back down into the pillow below, eliciting a playful smirk from him in return. “That’s my girl, stubborn as always” he jested.

To that you cocked an eyebrow at him in disbelief. “Your girl? Careful there, Jack, for a minute I thought you were capable of genuine compassion and care. I may have once been your girl, cowboy, but not anymore. Or did you happen to forget?”.

His own expression softened slightly in regards to your snide remark, his mischievous grin faltering while he turned his gaze to the floor, looking somewhat sheepish towards what you had said, a far cry from his usual air of arrogance. “Yeah, I guess I deserve that” he murmured. “Tell me, sugar, do you ever think one day you’ll believe me when I say that I’m sorry?”.

“When pigs fly, dearest” you smiled with a shit-eating grin, though you couldn’t miss that momentary flash of hurt in his eyes that made you pull back, a sharp pang striking through your chest that hurt harder than the agonizing ache in your arm, which really, was saying something. Could that be...guilt, perhaps?, you thought, searching Jack’s face for any further sign of offense. If he was feeling hurt, he was doing a pretty stellar job at hiding it. Maybe it was nothing, and even if he was hurt, well, he said it himself, he deserved it. Without giving you another minute to ponder your own feelings, a welcome interruption in the arrival of a nurse found you, shifting your thoughts towards the relief of finally getting some painkillers into you.

___

The surgery had gone over well, and after a grueling day spent hanging out in that hospital room hopped up on painkillers you were finally discharged late afternoon the following day. The worst of your concussion had cleared itself up too yet you were still confined to your bed for those first few days - the doctor was insistent on that fact, saying you could never be too careful. You’d begrudgingly complied, not wanting to cause any further problems to your health, and even if you had tried to go against the doctor’s orders, you knew that Jack would be there to send you off back to bed if you dared lift a finger.

Jack had doted on you the entire time, making sure you were well hydrated and cool enough in the midst of the hot Texas summer, fetching you snacks and whatever else you needed from downstairs. In his own words, what kind of man would he be if he didn’t take care of an ailing woman. You’d rolled your eyes and insisted that he didn’t have to go all out with looking after you yet he’d insisted. It was somewhat heartwarming, and it felt nice to be taken care of again after those last few years alone. It reminded you of when you’d come down with the flu back in third grade, staying home in bed lazily watching television and barely being able to keep your eyes open while your mum made soup in the kitchen. You could feel your heart drop at the mere recollection of your parents, pain that stayed beneath the surface rising up in full force. Usually you pushed those feelings down, not wanting to become distracted from the business, but today, you allowed yourself the indulgence of missing them. What would they think if they could see you now? Would they be proud, or disappointed?

Feeling your stomach grumble, you shifted over in bed and reached your only good arm out to grab onto the half-eaten grilled cheese Jack had brought in for you five minutes before, letting out a low wince at the pain that writhed through your other arm, which had been placed into a cast and sling for the time being. Already you couldn’t wait for the day you could get the damned thing taken off - you hadn’t been able to shower and you felt grotty and gross. It wasn’t like you had to impress anyone, it was just you and Jack lying about the place. Still, you could only take so many days of waking up with unwashed greasy hair. And it was itchy too. Oh dear god, it was fucking itchy. You’d heard about how itchy the plaster could get second-hand but you never anticipated it to be that bad.

Directing your eyes to the clock on your bedside, you took notice of the time and let out a small relieved sigh. You could finally take another one of those painkillers, the fourth and dismally last one for you of the day.

Your relief quickly fizzled out into disappointment when you realised the packet of painkillers that had been sitting by your bedside was empty. “Seriously? It’s only been a few days, I couldn’t have gone through them already…” you muttered to yourself in annoyance. Nevermind, there was another packet downstairs. You may have been perfectly capable of getting out of bed and retrieving it yourself, though you found yourself not wanting to be bothered with such a task. “Hey Jack, you there? I ran out of painkillers, could ya run some up to me?” you called out.

“Sure thing, sweetheart” you heard him shout back, and no more than two minutes later he was striding through your bedroom door, carrying exactly what you had requested within his palms. “How are you feelin’?” he asked.

“No better than six minutes ago when you last asked me that. Thanks for bringing these up though, fuck that stupid horse for bucking me off” you grumbled, sniping the blessed white packet out of his hands and into your fingers. “Pain making you grumpy, sweet girl? You seem a bit more full of spitfire than usual today” he joked.

“Nah, you’re getting the discounted version today. If I wanted to vocalise exactly what I was feeling right now you’d be obliterated in a second” you laughed, chucking a tablet into your mouth and washing it down with a large gulp of water, anxious to feel some semblance of relief.

“You don’t say. How’s your head doing, though? No dizziness or anything like that?”.

“I’m fine, Jack, I promise. You don’t have to fawn all over me just because I broke my dumb arm” you assured, rolling your eyes at him.

“I wouldn’t call in fawning, I only want to make sure you're comfortable and all that. Not only because of your arm and all” he smiled gently, reaching out to brush a stray hair off your forehead. It could have been the heat of the room but you could have sworn your skin felt on fire the moment he touched you. You could feel him press the back of his fingers against your head, unconsciously allowing your breath to hitch at his touch. And just like that, the warmth of his hand was gone, leaving an invisible searing mark in its place and your own head full of frenzied and confused thoughts.

“Like I said earlier, just call out if you need anything else, alright darlin’?” he said as he was leaving, words that you didn’t care to take notice of as he left you to yourself again. Blinking slowly, you couldn’t even fully begin to describe what had just taken place, or why one little gesture was throwing your mind into somersaults. Why did his mere touch have to affect you like that? Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? Groaning loudly, you settled yourself underneath the sheet covering you and huffed at nobody in particular, cursing both yourself and him for even existing. For fucks sake...

___

Taking a sip of bourbon from your glass, you leaned against the side of the stairs of the veranda with your gaze fixated off into the distance, though you didn’t take any notice of what lay ahead, lost deep in your own thoughts that clouded your mind. It’d been a couple more days, and you’d finally been able to get out of bed and get back to helping out around the ranch - not that you were still of any use to anyone, given the state of your arm. It felt good to be back overseeing things, albeit a bit more behind the scenes than you had been in years. It’d be a good month or so before you were able to move your arm properly and have things back to normal. At first that fact did nothing short of irritating you, since you weren’t one to lie about helpless when work needed to be done. Over the last few days though, seeing the ranch go about with business as usual with Jack’s extra help had put you at ease a little. It still bothered you somewhat that you had to be asking any sort of help from Jack Daniels of all people, though really, he was the one offering it in the first place so you hadn’t so much as asked him to do anything, moreso conceding to his instistance at the behest of your stubbornness.

The pain was getting a little better too, though whether that had more to do with the painkillers or not remained to be seen. For example, you couldn’t feel anything now but you had just ingested two glasses of pure straight bourbon, so of course any type of pain would be numbed. Remember when it could numb more than just that? You let out a small snicker at the thought, sounding as hollow and empty as it felt. Once upon a time you might have been classed as relatively lightweight, a fact that changed after years of the trials and tribulations life had thrown your way. You still got drunk easy, but it took a good few glasses before you actually passed out.

“You know, you should let me sign that for ya”.

Hearing that familiar voice ring out from behind you, you swivel around so see its owner standing right in the opened doorway of your home, his hands casually resting in his pockets and his frame leant against the wall. “What are we, in middle school? I don’t want it getting dirty” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him for good measure.

He smirked right back at you, letting out a small snicker that mirrored your own. “Why not? It’s not like you're gonna have to be wearin’ it forever. A little scribble in permanent marker wouldn’t do ya any harm” Jack grinned, taking a large step forward to descend down to your level, seating himself right next to you on the veranda. You cocked an eyebrow at him, letting your fingertips trail over the edge of the glass in your hands while you stared at him with utter audacity. “And yet I know you’re only so persistent in signing it because you’ll write something crude or vaguely flirty” you snipped.

“How little you think of me, sugar. I’d never dream of doin’ such a thing. I am nothing if not a gentleman”.

“Oh, do cut the charm, Jack. What is it you want?”.

“Please, can’t a man share a glass of bourbon with a lady without being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition?” he asked, wearing his devilish and frustratingly charming grin as he spoke, the appearance of which you swore made your cheeks flush a little bit hotter. Probably because of the alcohol...and it is hot out here after all...

“Not this lady, cowboy” you stated, gulping down the last dredges of bourbon in your glass and placing it back down to the floor with a thud. You went to go grab the bottle from beside you but found Jack had already snatched it up, pouring you another glass. Mumbling out a small thank you, you considered asking him if he wants a glass of his own, however once you caught sight of his silver Statesman issued flask in his hands you dismissed the idea entirely. With nothing else left to say, you glanced back up to the sky above towards where the moon was hanging over you two, the delicate light illuminating the stretches of countryside around your property in a soft glow, one that was both enchanting and eerie at the same time. Every now and then you would be reminded of how beautiful the Texan countryside could look, whether it be bathed in the rays of that damned blistering sun or the enigmatic glimmer of moonlight. It could pull you back to moments lost in time, years ago sitting right where you were in that very same spot, seven years younger and with the exact same man sitting beside you, head rested on his shoulder and looking out into the vast expanse of midnight black. Funny how things change, don’t they?

Out the corner of your eye you saw Jack shake his head, his eyes quiet, the sparkle of stark confidence bordering on plain arrogance missing. It was a similar look to the one he’d given you at the hospital that night, before he’d tried to cover it up with a certain facade of indifference. “What will it take for you to believe I’m sorry? What happened between us, it was all-” he started before being unceremoniously cut off by your interjection.

“In the past? I’m well aware of that. Doesn’t change how I feel” you stopped him. You’d anticipated him throwing out that line from day one and you’d come prepared. Shut it down. Don’t let him try to swindle you for a fool.

His expression changed to one more serious, a hint of him being slightly miffed that you cut him off in the first place. “Let me finish, darlin’. I’m gonna level with you for a second - what I did to you was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Letting everything fall apart like it did, I never should have let it happen” he expressed, his tone straddling between being firm and also being gentle. Cocking an eyebrow at him, you turned back to your glass of liquor, swirling the liquid around idly in a way that reminded you of that persistent thought running round your head. Did he have a point? Were you being too harsh on him?

Don’t become soft on him. Don’t do it. You shifted back into focus, pushing those thoughts far to the back of your tipsy mind while you took a couple large sips of liquor as if it were a lifeline. “Worse than whatever mistake led you to showing up on my doorstep?” you asked, eager to direct the conversation right back out of that uncomfortable territory and into something a bit more easier to stomach. Maybe later on you could ponder the true depths of your perceptions of Jack. Right now, though, you wanted to get wasted and not have to think about anything anymore. And hey, it’s not like I wasn’t wondering about the events that led him here in the first place anyway.“You never did tell me what happened. I know you said it was none of my concern but...I want to know. Call it a spate of drunken curiosity, if ya want”.

The question alone was enough to draw Jack’s face from being merely serious to an expression more cold and distant. He looked away from you entirely and rested his gaze to the few steps below the two of you, his hand clenching in a subconscious act that alone was enough to tell you his own reservations regarding the topic. “Truth is, I’ve been fucking things up for a good couple of years. What happened to lead me here, well, it ain’t a pretty story”.

“I don’t care, Jack, I wanna know” you asserted, surging with a sense of fiery confidence. It might have been the alcohol giving you a bit more moxie to push the topic. One thing was for sure though: you wanted answers, and you didn’t wanna let this go. Stretching your legs out, you finished off the glass you had while you waited for him to reply, not wanting to cave to your request even if he was looking at you like you’d threatened to kill the President.

Finally, he let out a low groan of annoyance and leant against the side of the veranda, not affording you a single look as he launched into his tale. “Basically what happened is some agents from an English based secret service came over to the states as a last resort - their base got blown up by someone and the two guys that approached us were the only ones left alive. Well, them and this other guy we had at our headquarters, but that’s a whole other story. The people behind the attack were a group called the Golden Circle, and Statesman had already been investigating them for awhile. I was called in by Champ to partner up with the Kingsman fellas, do the regular secret agent spiel of espionage and savin’ the world and all that crap. But, me and these other agents, we had an...ideological disagreement. I was covertly tryin’ to hinder them until the older guy got wise to my shit and shot me in the head. Ginger managed to bring me in and revive me, I went over to Cambodia where the two agents were confronting the leader of the Golden Circle, and to make a long story short things got nasty pretty quickly. I barely escaped with my life” he explained.

You nodded along to his explanation, the load of information being a lot to take in the first time round. You were always somewhat aware of Jack’s position as a secret agent though you were never privy to the nitty and gritty details - in fact, the way you’d found out about it in the first place was by complete accident and Jack had to beg Agent Champ to allow you to become cleared on even knowing the basics of his true work behind the front of being a Statesman investor. “And these ideological disagreements were…?” you pushed.

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know” he deflected.

“Try me”.

He didn’t reply to you straight away, instead staring at you with a stark look of confliction across his face, an inner turmoil brewing inside of him on whether or not he should tell you even more. Being cast out as a traitor, he didn’t have to worry about breaking any sort of rule of confidentiality, so if you had to wager a guess at what his dilemma was, then it must have been that he felt mildly ashamed, or even embarrassed about the whole situation. In your mind though, you’d let him keep his secrets for weeks now, but if he was going to stay in your house you wanted to at the bare minimum know what he did that was so bad that he simply couldn’t return back home anymore. “Well go on then, hit me with your best shot” you prodded further, hopefully enough to get his demeanour to crack and for him to spill what exactly the entire fuss had been about. And sure enough, crack he did.

Running a hand across his forehead, he let out a low exasperated sigh, one that would have been inaudible if you hadn’t been seated beside him, indicating the exact moment he finally decided to break his own silence and reveal everything to you. “The Golden Circle were primarily a drug cartel and terrorist organization based out in the hidden depths of the Cambodian jungle. Their leader had devised a plot that involved lacing their distribution of drugs with a new type of chemical she created that caused death. Since their supply was mass distributed over the globe, they were holding the entire populace of drug users and addicts hostage to their respective governments, demanding a payout for the antidote. They didn’t, however, anticipate the President and other world leaders not really giving a red hot shit about the lives of junkies. Being the noble men they are, the Kingsman agents as well as the rest of Statesman were striving to get ahold of the antidote to save all those people. And that, is where me and them disagreed” Jack elaborated, avoiding your gaze in what appeared to be a calculated move in order to refrain from seeing your reactions to his admittance. In the span of two minutes, your expression had shifted from intense curiosity to straight up bafflement at what he was saying. It didn’t make sense - why was he against distributing the antidote? He was a secret agent, wasn’t he meant to save the world and innocent lives and all that?

“Let me get this straight - you were assigned on a mission to try to save the lives of innocent people, and you chose...not to do that” you asked, your tone laced with judgment. Not that you had intended for what you said to have come across any different. If what he was implying was right, then that would mean...

“Well, when you put it like that, sure, it sounds awful. I will concede, it wasn’t my best move. But all the people who ingested those drugs did so willingly. They knew they were taking a gamble on their lives the moment they stuck a damn needle into their arms” Jack grumbled defensively, allowing you to gawk back at him in utter disbelief. “Jack, no, you can’t seriously believe that? So what you’re saying is that the kid that decided to get high with his mates one weekend at a party deserves to die? Is that right?”.

“No, no, I didn’t mean like that, I just…”.

“Really? ‘Cause it sounds a lot like you’re saying that innocent people should die for their poor choices” you cut in, shaking your head to further drive your point in. “Jesus, just when I thought you couldn’t be a bigger asshole you proved me wrong”.

“Sweetheart, please, I know. It was a mistake, you don’t have to keep rubbing it in”.

“You know it’s a mistake, but do you truly feel it? Do you really feel remorse? Because if you don’t then it’s just a bunch of empty words” you rebuffed, shooting him with a cold piercing glare that could make an entire continent freeze over. Around about this time, you really began to take notice of the dazed feeling clouding you, every glass of liquor draining straight into your brain and making you feel like your entire head was swimming. Maybe take it easy on the next glass, why don’t ya? With that thought, you shoved the glass off to the side with your free arm and bit your lip, debating whether or not you should even say what you wanted to next. That debate, however, did not last very long as you found yourself blurting out exactly what was on your mind within two seconds of your last thought. “Jack, look...maybe I’ll hate myself for saying this later, and maybe it’s just the liquor talking but I don’t think you’re an inherently bad person. I think you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who does cruel stupid things but probably has a decent enough heart. You just...you gotta stop with this shit. Stop with the betrayals, and the lies, and the false promises, all of it, and just be the real you. The Jack I knew may be a prick but he was never one to let an innocent die on his watch. What’s really behind all this?”.

He continued to glare from his position beside you, somewhat intent on making you recant and drop the whole subject entirely. You wouldn’t go down that easy though, and he knew it, for as stubborn as Jack was you were at least ten times moreso, so when he folded first and trained his eyes low to the ground, you knew that he’d finally conceded. You could feel a whole shift in his demeanour from where you sat, the mask of defensive anger slowly falling away to reveal what was truly underneath: hurt. Pure, raw, unbridled hurt. Anguish that felt especially familiar to you and spoke to a part of yourself that you’d been turning away from for years, and even before he said those words you knew exactly what he was going to say.

“Years ago, before I became an agent to Statesman, I was married to the young woman I’d fallen for in high school. I think I told you about her in passing maybe once, or twice, I don’t know…” Jack started, trailing off once he began to fully re-immerse himself in the past, heartache plainly sewn across his features. It was then that you felt an ache of your own in your chest, a heavy feeling of guilt descending upon you once you realised the gravity of what he was saying. “I remember. You said her name was Lily, wasn’t it?” you murmured, your voice small and unsure, with a hint of something else present too. Regret? Guilt? Whatever it was, you couldn’t quite put a name to it, but it was there, strong as anything and clearly wasn’t going away any time soon.

Jack let out a small hum in reply, everything about his composure presumably a million miles away from everything around the both of you.“So you do remember” he muttered, brushing his fingers over the edge of his silver flask that he had cradled in his handles, tracing the Statesman logo engraved on the side with the pad of his thumb. “I remember you askin’ me about her the first time you came back to my apartment in New York - you saw the photo of her I kept on my desk and asked who she was. I only told you briefly that she was long gone, but I never told you how. The both of us were only twenty-three, and she was pregnant with our first child, a baby boy. Last time I saw her she left the house to go to the convenience store a few streets over”. He stopped himself for a split second, the darkness of his eyes being the all-too recognisable sign of falling deep into his own recollection, feeling as if he was reliving every memory that he revisited in his mind. “Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from a cop, saying there’d been an incident. Meth addicts had robbed the store at gunpoint and she’d been caught in the crossfire. She died instantly, and I wasn’t there to say goodbye. I never got to meet our baby boy, I never got to hold her in my arms again and say how much I loved her, because she was taken from me by a couple of meth-addled scumbags”.

You were honestly at a loss for words, not knowing if saying something would be the appropriate option or not. He was right, you knew he was married before - the time with the picture that he mentioned was the most you had heard of her. He never brought Lily up again, and you never thought to ask, since in your mind it wasn’t any of your business who Jack loved before. Now, the pieces were falling into place, the interwoven connections of his past to his actions as an agent making all the more sense to you.

What you wanted to do most was lean forward and envelop him into your embrace, tell him that you understood more than anyone what exactly that felt like, and even permit yourself to pour out your own heart to him. Drunk as you were though, you couldn’t talk yourself into doing anything more than placing a reassuring hand on his knee, letting your touch be soft and hesitant in case he shrugged you off, since you did basically just goad him into revealing his own wounds in the name of having answers. “Jack, I...I had no idea, I-”.

“How could you have known? I never told you” he mumbled flatly. In the dim veranda light, all though it was faint, you could swear that there was a teardrop lingering in the corner of his cedar brown eyes, nudging the dagger of guilt further into your heart. Say something, you idiot.

Starting off softly, you let your hand rest firmer on his knee, trying to catch his eyes into your own. Tearing his glance away from the flask, he looked back at you with the same raw grief that you had seen on your own face so many times. “I know it must have hurt like hell losing her. And you have every right to feel angry, and hurt that she was taken, but that doesn’t give you the right to hate. Every addict in the world is not the same man who took her life. You can’t just-” you started, before the sound of Jack’s harshest tone cut through your words like a knife.

“How would you know? Do you have any idea what it feels like to hurt, to have lost everything because of someone else’s choices?” he spat, anger seething in his scowl that was directed solely at you. It had taken you by surprise at first - as a reflex you withdrew your hand quickly from him as if he were burnt, perplexed at his sudden outburst. That didn’t last long however, as soon enough confusion was replaced by your own flair of anger. Now it was your turn to get defensive.“I think I do know what it’s like to hurt and to lose. In case you’ve forgotten, dickhead, there’s two people who should be right inside this house that aren’t anymore and haven’t been for about six fucking years now!” you yelled back.

Shit. He’d forgotten about your parents. The anger that had been in him disappeared without a trace right then, being replaced by something close to resembling remorse over his behaviour. “I...I didn’t mean...fuck, sugar, I…I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to say” he apologised. You didn’t say anything back to him. You didn’t want to dignify him with any sort of a response. First of all, how dare he? You were only trying to empathise with him, and here he was biting your head off for daring to suggest that he doesn't hate every drug user on the planet. Why do I even fucking bother?

The awkward silence between you hung for awhile, the two of you not wanting to break it for your own different reasons. You could feel Jack stealing glances at you, like he was trying to talk himself into saying something but never had the courage to follow through. Huffing to yourself, you took in your next glass fast enough to make your head spin. You’d have to turn in for the night eventually, and truth be told you were considering doing so right then when you heard Jack speak up.

“I never did ask...if you don’t mind me askin’ that is...what happened to your folks anyway?” he asked hesitantly, as if he knew the question was fat-witted to begin with. Not that you minded too much by then. Drunk you was a lot more forgiving than you were sober.

Taking in a heavy breath, you relayed your tale of woe to him, one hand placed steady to your side to keep you sitting upright. “It was late, and they were coming back from a friend’s 50th birthday party. Their friend lived in downtown Dallas, so they had a fair way to go to get from there to here. When they were almost on the highway, an out-of-control car barrelled towards them, smashing into the front of their windscreen and killing both of them instantly. The driver of the other car had been drinking - according to the local news he was a known alcoholic and had been out having a heated argument with his friend in the passenger seat. The only survivor of the entire collision had been his friend”.

You saw Jack blink at you in silent shock, the weight of your words falling heavily on him while he continued to process it all. “Shit, darling, I feel like an even bigger piece of shit than I already did. If you slapped me clean across the face and kicked me out on my ass after this I wouldn’t blame ya one bit” he replied to you solemnly in a way that didn’t leave you questioning the authenticity of his words - he was genuinely sorry this time round. Taking his apology in stride, you shrugged back at him and acted as nonchalant about the whole thing as possible, not wanting to ponder the topic further. As far as you were concerned, you’d felt enough things for one day and would very much like a break from it all.

“It’s fine. You had no way of knowing. But please, if you take anything from this, at least listen to my words: externalising hate towards random people only feeds your trauma. It doesn’t resolve anything, and the only person left suffering in the end is yourself”.

He furrowed his brow at you, most likely feeling a little defensive that the topic had circled back around to here, but considering his unruly display of anger earlier he wasn’t one to indulge in his own instinctual need to defend his position. “But...didn’t you want the man who took your parents away to suffer? Didn’t you look at every other drunk driving incident in the papers with a little more anger and rage than before?” he asked, earning a single eyebrow raise from you in return. “I mean...I guess what I’m trying to say is...it’s so easy to hate...why didn’t you fall into that trap?”.

“Well, I did, for a little. It was almost tempting to look at every person I saw struggling with alcoholism in red. Since the man who caused the collision was already dead as a result of his own mistakes, at times I’d externalise part of that pain I was feeling onto others, and sometimes that anger became so hot and so burning that it was almost impossible to ignore. I realised pretty quickly that hating alcoholics wasn’t going to bring my parents back and that I’d have to make peace with their passing at some point. Honestly, I still haven’t processed a lot of that shit myself yet I’m still out here living my life as best I can, and really, with my own drinking habits I’d be a goddamn hypocrite to even try to find any true hatred in my heart towards heavy drinkers” you explained. Taking one last sip of bourbon, you discarded your glass off to your side and chuckled lightheartedly. “God, If I drink another glass I’m gonna collapse on the fucking floor. Think it might be time for me to turn in for the night. At least it’s Sunday tomorrow so we can sleep in a lil”.

“Y-you’re goin’ to bed? You’re not telling me to get lost or anything?” Jack sputtered in disbelief, which in turn earned him a minorly strange look from you. “Why would I do that?” you asked.

“I quite literally just admitted to treason against my former organization to you”.

“So? You made a mistake. A pretty fucking big mistake, and a shitty one at that, but still, a mistake. You obviously have some of your own pain you need to work through, and I can get that. Doesn’t mean I agree with what you did, but I get it. I’m not gonna kick you to the curb just because you have issues”.Upon saying that, you hoisted yourself up by latching your free arm onto the veranda’s fenceline, stumbling a little as you fought to maintain your balance while being both drunk and unable to fully utilise one of your arms. Nevertheless, you’d managed to straighten yourself up, and once you’d determined that you were alright to take yourself upstairs you faced on towards the front door and grasped at the brass knob in your hands, taking a brief pause to turn back and nod softly towards the man behind you. “Night Jack, I’ll see ya tomorrow” you called out, leaving him to sit there and watch you disappear back into the house with a certain look of dumbfounded astonishment.

Tag list (lemme know if you wanna be added): @giselatropicana

#agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey #jack daniels #jack daniels x reader #Kingsman #kingsman fanfiction #cross my heart #Kingsman: the golden circle #Pedro Pascal

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choiwrites · 4 years

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pjm | high school sweethearts (m.)

Words: 18.4k Genres: high school!au, f2l, never been kissed!au, a lil bit of 2000's movie angst :) Warnings: defloration, fingering, dry humping, a smidge of dirty talk, oral (f&m), teenagers being hormonal what else would this be :( Rating: 18+ Playlist: ♡

Summary: You are not one to believe in high school romance nor any kind of romance at all. Your world is turned upside down when you had to write about falling in love in high school. Having no experience, good thing your best pal Jimin came to the rescue. He's about to show you what falling in love is like through his broken perspective after his girlfriend just broke up with him.

The school cafeteria stretches before you. Chattering getting louder every second as more students join in the next table, your eyes peered at Yoongi, the President of the School Publication, who had just told you the feature's deadline. You were killing him inside your mind, butchering his insides, God you just want him to get kicked out of the school.

Exams are in a week and you did little to no effort in prepping for it, it was driving you nuts. But the cafeteria's coleslaw drove you even madder, its stupid taste lingered in your mouth even after you just took another chug of your second box of milk. You made a note to yourself to never get coleslaw ever again, no matter how convincing Jungkook's smiles were, though there's no denying that the lunch lady's son has somehow crept into your heart.

"Candid!" Jimin appears behind you, his camera flashing your eyes when he takes a candid shot of your face. You slap him on the shoulder before he could sit down beside you. "Do you have a crush on Yoongi?" His eyes scan the unfinished coleslaw on your table, his smile turning into pure disgust.

"What? No! He's just ruining my week," you reply after releasing a huff.

You tear your gaze away from Yoongi before his laughing figure would notice. Jimin giggles at the picture he had just taken. If Jimin didn't have a hundred pictures of your unreserved face, maybe you would have cared. Still, your eyes burned at the sight of your face in his camera.

"What made you sit with me today?" you ask, your eyes not traveling to his face but rather focused on everywhere else except for him and Yoongi.

His breathing was a little ragged, but enough to make your ears notice. He was breathing through his mouth, you could tell. You were that observant of Jimin. Your hand picks up the tiny box of milk, taking another sip from it while you wait for Jimin's answer. He was busy on his camera, then you heard a sniff.

"Seulgi broke up with me," he sniffs again, then he laughs in a croaky way. His voice was usually high, like an optimistic kind. Hearing Jimin's voice always sent you a jolt of happiness, hearing his voice crack made your knees wobble.

You were positive they'll get back together again like the other high school couples, it's their routine that you've gotten used to. It would only take a week before you see them smooching in the locker room again, or maybe eating each other's face in front of you. You wait for an explanation before you could ask, giving him silence so he could proceed with his sentiment.

"She was tired of me. She couldn't see a future with me," he began and forced a small snicker, one you could immediately tell was fake. "I was going to follow her to college. Good thing, I haven't."

You admit, your heart recedes at his tone. Though you've never received such words yourself, being told you're tiring would sure tear anyone's heart apart. And wanting a future with someone with no reciprocation sounded mean. You couldn't search for the right words on how hurt he looked beneath those eyes, you weren't one to have experience in any of the pain he's going through.

You place a hand on his back, a shaky motion vibrated against your palm. You could feel how hard he was trying to suppress all the tears inside him, he was afraid you would laugh. You pat him softly on his cotton jacket, scared to make the situation worse by saying the wrong thing. He took your silence as comfort, needing no words from you to make him feel better. He sniffs again.

"What was she tired of?" Jimin knew that asking you wouldn't bring actual answers, he needed those from Seulgi. But it was you beside him, not Seulgi, so he confides. "It can't be my dick," he laughs, which you returned.

"How sure are you?" Your forehead wrinkled as your brows knot together, a grin forming on your lips.

"A hundred percent, solid. It's probably my snoring, isn't it?" His stare leaves the camera, which had shut down moments ago, taking the courage to look at you who never looked more concern through the small smile you were showing.

"I've never heard you snore, but yeah. I guess so. I don't really follow the relationship you both have."

"Had," he corrects, and then released a nasal huff.

Through his burning face, he was still perfect in every way. His hair lays flat on top of his head, parted in the middle. His bottom lip bitten. His nose scrunches trying to sniff, then he brings the back of his hand to cover the lower part of his face. Your lips curved when he laughed at himself.

"Can we go? I just... I feel like she's on the way here and I don't really want to see her laugh with her friends," he said, nose blocking him from speaking properly.

Seulgi stands by the entrance, searching the cafeteria and when she spots Jimin, she pulls her friend to the counter. This didn't go unnoticed by Jimin, he pulls you harshly out of panic. You've never seen him so frustrated, it was funny.

"Dude, Jimin, what the fuck?" Your bag was open and as he tried to pull you away, your notes dropped on the floor, revealing all your drafts for the feature.

Jimin squats on the floor, examining your written works. The panic passes onto you, his face turned into a frown.

What could he have read?

"Jesus christ y/n, who broke your heart? These are so pessimistic," his hand ravishes on the crumpled paper, reading essays of a hundred words. You somehow regret not throwing those in the trash the moment you finished them.

"Can I just-" He stops your hand from reaching the papers, stretching his other hand away from you.

"This is not what 'falling in love in high school' is like! You're not following the topic given!" he yells, but a glint of happiness spreads across his face. He finds some sort of amusement from your reaction.

"You don't get it, Jimin. You only have to take pictures of couples, I have to write about them! It's not as easy as you think!"

Jimin was also a part of the school publication. He was mostly praised for his average photos, you've told him many times how they're not at all impressive. But he was a popular and good-looking student, everything he does will be adored by many. As opposed to you, who have only written one successful work throughout four years of being in the same page with him. High school will always be that way.

"Whatever. Your works won't make it to the paper if you keep them this way," he says with a stronger voice, a restrain on his throat from earlier brushing away.

"Can you just give them to me?" You reach for his other hand, but his hand on your shoulder kept you away from him. His strong scent burns your nose, but you didn't care even if you felt how hot his skin was. You only pushed yourself further, desperate to get the drafts.

"No, no," he clicks his tongue, "gotta tell me who's this ex of yours first." He waved his eyebrows and your shoulders slumped.

"I don't have an ex-boyfriend. There, you happy?" you declare under a small tone.

He inches his face to yours, and you pulled away when you felt him breathe against your lips. "No shit, y/n. Why the pessimism then?" He was trying to get a rise out of you and you are almost giving in. He reads them again but this time you give up, you couldn't stand his perfume any longer.

"I hate highschool couples. They act like everything is about relationships, even going to college together. Ew." You raise a brow, cocking your head towards him as you cross your arms on your chest.

"Fuck off. You just don't get it." He folds the torn pieces of paper, placing them in his pockets.

"Hey, give that to me!" You try to reach again, but he got a hold of your hand and you soften.

"They suck. I don't want Yoongi to read them, he'll probably judge the shit out of you."

"Why do you care? I take criticism."

"Yeah, and you're gonna get it from me," he says without a lot of consideration. So much of smiling caused his face to lose its puffiness, eyes losing a little bit of their shine.

"I don't need a photographer judging my work. Give them back!"

"Shush." He waves his index finger in front of your face.

You slap his hand away, thinning your lips and giving in to whatever Jimin was trying to do. "What are you gonna do with them?"

"I'll change them," he tilts his head before grabbing you to exit the cafeteria, the hallway rolls before the both of your feet and Jimin only puts his arm around you, "because that's what good friends do."

"For your entertainment, fine. Change it however you'd like, hell you can even put Seulgi's name as the title, I don't care. My idea of high school romance will remain the same!"

"I love Seulgi, alright? It's true, I felt it. Just because we are young doesn't mean our emotions are invalid."

"That's not my point, Jimin. All I'm trying to say is there's not a single record of relationships making it out of high school. It ends in high school and that's it."

His grip on your shoulder loosens and he turns to face you, your eyes remained on the walk ahead. Again, the smell of his perfume irritates your nose, you breathe shortly to avoid it.

"My parents met in highschool, you know that," he argues.

"But their relationship didn't start in highschool, you also know that."

He releases a breath of defeat, but he continued with his debate. "Regardless, high school romance is real. You've never had a crush before?"

"I've had crushes, Jimin. But they're crushes, nothing ever led to 'love'," your tone curved by the end of your sentence, hating the word.

Jimin was aware of your crushing habit, and he knew about each of them. Jungkook from the cafeteria, Seokjin who used to be a senior in the school, and Mr. Kim Namjoon of Biology class. He never missed a single one, but there's one you've never admitted to Jimin. Which was your tiny feelings for him. But you find no use of telling him since it only lasted a month, then he became this jackass friend of yours and you never wished for it change. He has been an amazing friend and everything was platonic between the both of you, he was the only boy you could look in the eyes without feeling insecure.

"Infatuation is the start of everything, dumbass."

"I don't want any of it," you reply and Jimin takes a hold of your arm when you tried to enter your class.

"Wait, I have a proposal." Your hand holds a strap of your bag, slouching in front of him. You turn to him again, brows rising to let him continue.

He takes a few moments before talking again, his adam's apple bobbed slowly as he takes the courage. Your eyes narrowed at his figure, trying to analyze his thoughts faster than he could. Jimin can get unpredictable sometimes, a kind you can't read. It's unfair he could read you like a book, a book he knows all too well.

"What if I make you fall in love?"

Your eyes widen, pulling away from him harshly, just enough to make him feel your rejection to his proposal. He can't be serious, and he can't be this horrible to use you as a rebound for Seulgi.

You as a pawn? No way!

You're not letting Jimin make your last year of high school dramatic with Seulgi's friends judging you by the hallway when you walk past them with Jimin's hand in your back pocket. No, that's not gonna happen.

"Are you insane? What's wro-"

"No, not with me. I phrased it wrong. I meant what if I make you feel like falling in love. You can't just keep denying emotions all through out highschool."

You weren't denying anything. You have a belief, a belief that no relationship in highschool ever lasts.

"Why do you want to prove me wrong so bad? Can't you just let me be?" your tone loomed over him. Anger took over your voice when you didn't mean it, so you looked at him in a stern way to let him know you weren't mad, just confused.

"I want you to know that I am in love with Seulgi. And your opinion is wrong, people fall in love during highschool."

"Jimin, I get it! You're in love with Seulgi, I don't care. Blah blah blah, love is relevant for you. Now get over it."

Both of you were standing before the door to Biology class, it looked stupid. Your classmates are starting to look at you funny, gossiping before entering the room behind you. You take your attention away from it and focused on Jimin's argument and hand which was still wrapped around your arm, he doesn't seem to notice how sweaty his palms are.

"No, you obviously don't get it. You're taking my emotion as a joke."

Why was he getting so worked up with my statement?

"Fine," you surrender. "What is falling in love like?"

Mr. Kim — or Mr. Joonie as you like to call him, appears behind Jimin, his height hovering over your friend. He nods at you and says "You have five minutes" before entering the almost rowdy class. You catch your favorite musky smell when he made his way behind you.

"I'll come by" was Jimin's last response before he vanished from the empty hallway, your mind not comprehending his reply.

Come by what? Where?

Whatever it was, you tried to pushed it to the back of your mind and failed. Biology was interesting, Mr. Joonie was wearing your favorite black and blue striped tie paired with his thin white long sleeves shirt. He discussed further about DNA base pairs which you fell behind on when your brain decides to bring back Jimin's last words.

You tried to bring your ears on Mr. Joonie's lesson, but your mind could only pull away. Screw Jimin for ruining this class for you, distraction was the last thing you needed this month and here comes your infatuated friend to fuck everything up. But it wasn't his idea that made you think, it's your reaction to his idea that caught your attention. You were too defensive earlier, but you guessed it's the right thing to do. However, you can only overthink.

Jimin's proposal was garbage, in what way would it possibly help you?

Falling in love? That's overrated, your mind is set for your one and only goal and that is graduating from this hellhole of hormonal teenagers seeking for love.

Jeez, you sounded like an old lady, but you know it's the truth. Falling in love leads to nothing but a disaster and worst case scenario: baby, which is not part of the high school bucket list you've made for your graduating year. Thanks to your hormones, they weren't as wild as the other teens.

Biology was quicker than you expected. Well, you spent the whole time looking out the window and wondering what the fuck Jimin meant. Lucky for you, Mr. Joonie never paid attention to you to even notice you weren't paying attention to him.

When you finished your Spanish class — your last period, you never caught Jimin in the hallway. Which you wouldn't have expected from what he had said, but you were only left disappointed. You guessed he went after Seulgi to give her the talk. You head home quickly, preparing to study the whole night. You cringe at the idea, already missing the feeling of the living room's sofa while binge-watching 80's sci-fi movies.

He probably forgot already, you tell yourself while flipping through the dull pages of your notebook. A tinge of small dismay tugs at your stomach, you shouldn't have expected too much from a friend like him. You left the thought as you push the first paragraph of your reviewer into your mind, it was ineffective. You only longed for something else, maybe it was food.

You leave your cold room, tiptoeing towards the kitchen downstairs. Your tummy jumps when you saw the cookie jar full. A neon green sticky note beside it reads "clean the house. - mom <3"

You roll your eyes, ignoring the note and opening the glass of sweets. The doorbell rings before your fingers could make contact with the cookies, annoyance builds inside you.

I swear, if this isn't the dress I ordered online. Your pj's drag along the floor as you reach for the door, and a sweaty Jimin stands in front of you. You close your eyes out of embarrassment, regretting that you didn't check the peephole first. You stand in your loose black shirt that barely hangs on your left shoulder, revealing the strap of your bra.

"Wow, you look awful," Jimin narrows his eyes, meticulously scanning your appearance. Your bra strap was only a part of your horrible get up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" you assert, pulling the sleeve of your shirt to cover your exposed skin.

"I said I'd come by remember?" Oh, that's what he meant. "Sorry, I took long. Taehyung called for a meeting for the Curious Minds Club."

Of course, the Curious Minds Club, possibly the worst name for a science club. Jimin loved that name so much, he would always mention it in its entirety. It was his and Taehyung's idea, which you opposed when he asked for your opinion. He reasoned that you never cared about science anyway so you had no right to oppose him, which was stupid 'cause he asked for an opinion in the first place.

"You know what, it's a good thing you and Taehyung are graduating this year so juniors could rename that stupid club."

He walks past you and throws his bag on the floor before laying on the couch, not needing an invitation from you. "Why do you always have to hate my ideas? Just agree for once, Curious Minds is a legendary name."

You shut the door, heading back to the kitchen and finally getting your hands on the cookies. You moan in satisfaction, its taste exploding on your tongue. Jimin spins his head to you.

"Did your Mom make those?"

You nod, bringing the whole jar to him.You let the couch eat you, completely forgetting the reviewer waiting for you in your room. Jimin takes a bite and you absorbed his reaction, similar to yours.

"What are you gonna tell me?" you start.

Jimin's face lit up. "Right, almost forgot about that."

You sat a foot away from him, keeping distance from his nauseating perfume. Your legs cross in front of you, Jimin's arm spreads on top of the sofa right above you.

"So, you've never been in a relationship, right?" Not this again.

You nod, taking another soft cookie.

"I read your drafts during English class, and I gotta say y/n," you stare at him in anticipation, "you suck."

"You're gonna come over to my house, eat my Mom's cookies, and then roast me?! Fuck you, Jimin."

He laughs. "I'm kidding. You filled that paper with passion of hatred towards highschool couples, I started hating them as well," he explains.

"You're one of those couples, dummy. I actually took inspiration from you and Seulgi."

"I thought you don't follow our relationship?" he asks, his head cocking to your direction.

"I heard enough from you throughout the course of six months. Seulgi this, Seulgi that. Seulgi's being complicated, Seulgi's so cute when she burps. Seulgi's being too friendly with Taeyong, oh nevermind, Seulgi just said she loves me," you imitate his irritating ranting from the past, which you wish you would never receive anymore. Expecting an exasperated expression, you were surprised to see Jimin smiling at you.

"I thought you weren't listening all those times."

"Sadly, I was and I shouldn't have."

"The Taeyong part is still true, though," he extends the cookie he was holding forward, trying to pinpoint, "I saw them before dismissal."

"Look at you, all sad and sentimental. Cute li'l Jimin stalking his ex-girlfriend. Awe, how tragic," you vexed, pouting at the obviously annoyed boy.

"I wasn't stalking. I just saw them."

"Poor guy getting his heart broken in the hallway, poor Chimchim. How is he gonna move on now?"

"Quit it," sneered Jimin, indulging on his cookie.

He was still affected, it happened only a few hours ago, he won't be moving on too quickly. Seulgi's laugh is still fresh in his memory, and he could hear it vividly. He could still feel his stomach drop when he thinks of her. His world crumbling into pieces, like the cookie at the bottom of the jar, whenever he's reminded of how her eyes disappear when she smiles much like his — eyes forming intro wrinkly crescents. You felt as if you went below the belt when he became quiet, an uncomfortable silence sitting in the gap between the both of you.

"Back to my proposal," he breaks, "it would really change your writing."

You face pulled together in a center. "How can you say so, Mr. Photographer?"

He inches closer, but his smell was weaker, it was bearable. "Just like what the late Benjamin Franklin had said, 'either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.'"

Your lungs deflate, narrowed eyes processing him. "And what does that have to do with my writing? I wrote something worth reading," you proudly announce.

"No, you're writing your own opinion on a feature. When I read it, I felt like going nowhere. I didn't feel like going back to high school. I felt like I'm in the same place, there's nothing that opened in me," he explains, his words tightening your own throat. "The topic is falling in love in high school, but all I ever felt was hatred."

He pulled a chord in you. He was actually right. Your body falls on the couch, groaning out of frustration.

"What you wrote isn't worth reading, but-" he slouches on the couch and faces you, "you can do something worth writing."

Your cheek sinks on the couch, glaring at Jimin who never looked more passionate about helping you. Break ups do things to people, really.

"And what's that exactly?"

"I know you've never fallen in love in high school, so I'm gonna let you experience what people in love do."

"That doesn't sound like a good idea. I don't want to get messy with Seulgi." The cold leather against your cheeks didn't stop them to burn.

"No, y/n, we're not gonna date. Just trust me on this one, okay?" he convinces and you give in, finding no sense in arguing about a stupid subject

"Just don't do anything weird. I don't really get the gist of your plan."

"What are things that couples do?"

"Aside from making out and having sex at a party? I don't know," you say, his face not impressed.

"I really hate you right now. That's not what we do-"

"Did," you correct, a smile forming on your lips. His frown only worsens from the continuous mocking that you were doing. "Go on, what else did you do?"

His eyes rolled. "Dates. Have you ever been on dates?"

Of course, you have. Family dates count as real dates. That coffee date you had with Sana last Thursday counts, right?

And so, without further arguments within you, you decided to turn down Jimin's dumb idea. Who is he to make fun of you for not going to dates often? You were about to tell him that he's not an inch entitled to show you what a date feels like.

Unreasonably anxious, you tug your skirt down as a small swirl of wind hits on your thin skin. Jimin waves from the bench, standing up to analyze what you wore. You weren't supposed to feel your stomach fall when you finally came to face him, but you did. A tiny voice doubted your outfit choice, and a tiny voice told you how good he looked. Satisfaction fills your wandering mind, you were scared you'd come overdressed with your white puff sleeves.

There was a short amount of silence that gave you enough time to admire him. His Canon camera hangs around his neck, it was the first thing you noticed. He stands there in his skin-tight black pair of ripped jeans, and topped with a thick mustard hoodie. His cute yellow sneakers popped out from the gray cemented ground. Your nose tickled when his scent enters.

"Sorry" was all you could say.

He grins gently, eyes disappearing. "You're about thirty minutes late."

If you didn't spend minutes arguing with yourself about what to wear, you would've arrived sooner. But here you are, still regretting the choice you made. His bright fashion didn't complement your pale vintage look, not that it mattered to him, but you grew conscious.

"Where are you taking me?" you strengthen your voice, trying to seem more confident than you really are.

He tucks both of his hands inside his pockets. "Just pretend I'm either Jungkook or Mr. Kim, whoever you wanna go on a date with."

Imagining Jungkook with a sheepish bunny-like smile, your heart starts to melt and it was vivid in your cheeks.

"See, you're already flustering."

"No, I'm not. Get on with your plan." It was obvious but you chose to deny it, Jimin should be the last person on earth to see you flustered. "Where are you taking me?"

"There's a photography exhibit down the street I'd like to take you in. Wanna eat first?"

His eyes can't help but wander around your body, and you'd be blind to not notice what he was doing.

"Is there something wrong with I'm wearing?" The loud children playing by park almost made your voice inaudible.

"Nope, it's amazing. You look beautiful, y/n," his pitch ascends, tweaking your ears.

You diminish your mind from his compliment, it's all an act. You know he's only doing this to make you feel something which what everything is about. You look away from him, distracting yourself with the pigeons nearby, hoping it would stop your blood from rushing to your face. Jimin takes your hand, intertwining it with his soft palm. Your body hitches and he only held on tighter.

"I know a cafe."

You didn't give him an answer to decide, but he was already pulling you towards a corner. It would've been an unbearable silence if you weren't in public. You hoped he would not notice how your skin has gone damp, tensed by the moment his warm soft fingers made contact with yours. Excitement awakens within you, an unfamiliar emotion.

The moment you saw him sitting on the bench waiting for you, it already felt like a poem waiting to be written. You could already write a hundred words just describing how he looked today. It isn't love, it's just attraction.

He opens the entrance to a cafe — you were too distracted to read the name. You lose contact with his hand as he sits by the counter and so did you. A middle-aged woman with a forced grin awaits on the other side of the counter.

"I'd have a chocolate milkshake," you tell Jimin, shyness was completely obvious in your voice.

"Just one chocolate milkshake," Jimin tells the waiter, his gaze focused on you.

Jenna — written on her name tag — gives a forced lift to her cheeks, proceeding to the kitchen behind. You were in the midst of asking him why he only ordered for himself, but you jumped when you hear his camera click, a flash directed towards your way.

"Ugh, what's wrong with you?"

"To make it last longer," Jimin mumbles, you ignore.

You shouldn't have agreed to this. You shouldn't have rejected Sana's offer to review at the library. You shouldn't have let Jimin take control of the day. Because ever since the moment you arrived in your carefully picked clothes, your mind never acted straight. Never in your five years of high school have you ever felt so embarrassed and timid.

Why isn't he talking? Did I look stupid in the last photo? How many chapters could I have reviewed by now if I stayed home?

Jenna slams the glass of chocolate shake on the counter. You and Jimin didn't bother to react, too busy thinking of what exactly is this tension between the both of you. Jimin takes two straws, slowly inserting them on the mushy drink. He leans forward on his elbow rested against the cold edge of the table, facing sidewards to look at you better. You looked cute when you're ignoring his gaze, and for a second, he forgot the hole in his heart. It only felt stronger the moment you side-eyed him.

"What?" you mutter, unaware of your effect on him.

After a small sip, his eyes widened when he gulped. "It's good, c'mon, try it."

His bottom lip glistens, you weren't even sure why you caught that detail on his face. With a scrutinizing look from him, the moment didn't grow comfortable for you. The longer you stayed with him, the harder it is you try to stop your stomach from doing unnecessary turns.

You sigh. This is not gonna get better if you keep acting like a shy high school girl — well, you are a shy high school girl, but that's never the case with Jimin. He was your friend, a very close friend. With a lump swallowed in your throat, you approached the elephant in the room.

"Jimin," you breathe. "This is weird. I don't even kno-"

"I'll stop you there. You're having butterflies in your stomach, aren't you?" He licks his lip, excited to hear your answer.

"No. No, I'm not having butterflies in my stomach." You raise your chin.

He snickers. "You're supposed to feel it, not deny it. You're such an amateur. Your writing's not gonna get better if you keep being subjective. You feel flustered like the other girls in high school on a date, accept it."

He's making sense and you hate it. But at least it has been addressed. He knows what you're feeling and you don't have to keep it a secret. Defeated, you sigh. You regained your composure which you might have lost by the moment he smiled at you at the bench.

"You take Seulgi here often?" Your lips trembled in the slightest way before taking a sip from your straw.

Jimin chokes on his own breath. "What? You're asking about my ex on our date?"

An intense heat builds upon you, beading of sweat forms on your nape. Our date, two words that repeated like a broken vinyl in your head. Maybe it was being numb for years that everything right now starts to feel like everything. It's not the same emotions you feel when you wrote those drafts, it's something else you can't put your tongue on.

You purse your lips, swallowing the cold drink. "What do we even talk about?" you giggle out.

He didn't take any second to think, Jimin already had something in mind. His hand touches the glass of the drink, finger rubbing the small drips of water on its sides. There isn't something that he's doing that you weren't noticing. You're quite aware that he was just as observant as you by the way he hasn't taken his eyes off you since you sat down.

"Why do you write?" He lifts the glass off the table, bringing it close to him and taking a sip while he waits for your answer.

Well, it's a simple reason. It's all you know, it's all you ever do. Your second grade teacher was quite an amazing narrator. You remember closing your eyes to her melodic voice as she describes the dragon's tower: red bricks stand over a thousand pieces, to the sky it went and in the cloud it hid, scared to be found by a knight who wanted nothing but to save it. It was a remnant of your almost forgotten childhood, since then you only wanted to seek more of those words. A flaming desire sparked in you, that is to write a picture.

"You ever had that feeling like flying when you read something? It's so vibrant and you could almost feel it take you places." You bit your lip, eyes closing to pull your words together. "I want people to feel what I feel, what I see, what I know. To get them to react the way I want them to, but learn something I never knew I wrote." You open your eyes to see him deeply absorbed in your explanation. "You probably don't even get it," you sigh.

"No, I totally get it. I understand." He places the drink back to its wet ring-like mark on the table. "That's exactly how I feel about photography. I want people to see the way I view things, my focal point in life. With photography, I can get them to look at things in a specific perspective."

You were unconscious of the smooth smile that grew on your lips. All this time, you thought you knew Jimin well, but this only opened a door to him. For five years, you've always been ignorant of what others do and what others feel. It felt like a waste of years, the only thing you learned about in high school was Sana's love for body sprays and now, Jimin's reason for photography.

Your throat goes dry, not having anything to say. Though you had a lot in mind, how his eyes shined bright when he enthusiastically praised what he loves. Regret screams inside you, how could I let five years pass by so quickly. There was so much to learn and so much to write, it's a disappointment you've only written for essays and Min Yoongi.

You scoot towards the drink, trying to catch the straw with your lips while your eyes are darted on Jimin. Slurping impulsively, you caught Jimin's face turn into a shock.

"Don't finish our drink!" He dives in with you, sipping much more intensely than you.

You slid off to laugh, a small amount of chocolate drapes on your bottom lip but you were fast enough to catch it with your finger. You catch the straw again, trying to compete with Jimin. The proximity between you was the last thing in your mind, you only cared about getting more milkshake than Jimin who seem to fall behind your level.

You slam your fist on the table after finishing the drink and Jimin leans away to laugh, already accepting his lost. "I win!" you cheer, holding the biggest smile.

Jimin cocks his head, stretching out his hand for a handshake. With a graceful pump, he exhales a tired huff from laughing too hard. "I guess that's one thing you're good at," his lips curved, forming a soft wrinkle on his right cheek. "Sucking."

You snort. "You're also good at finishing early." Earning a chuckle from him, your brow raised.

"How would you know? You never tried me."

You inhale silently, not wanting him to be aware of your reaction. What a stupid comeback. He stands from his seat, pulling his black leather wallet from his back pocket.

"Let's split it," you tell him immediately, hand already reaching for your purse.

"Hey, no. This one's on me. I invited you remember?" He was already placing a bill on the table which Jenna quickly approached, leaving a tip for her that made her smile a little different than earlier.

Your skin turns moist as the both of you walk out the cafe, heat raking against your skin. He returns his hand in yours, so casually it felt so real. He's got a hold of your fingers and he does it so well, it didn't feel foreign, like your hand has somehow molded in there and made its home.

You follow his direction, not bothering to speak since you were afraid your words would only fail you. Silence doesn't seem to bother Jimin as much as it bothers you, he only focused on his way to the exhibit and how your hand felt wrapped in his. Not being able to endure it any longer, you dared to speak.

"I'll pay you back, I promise."

His head didn't turn, and his mouth didn't open. Instead, his thumb rubs over yours. It was a movement so subtle, yet electricity bursts under your skin. You drift your focus on your footsteps, refusing to step on a crack making your phase noticeable to Jimin. You fall a little behind from him, but the game you're playing with your feet felt so serious at the moment. Jimin eyes you, then to your feet, figuring out what the hell you were trying to do. Thinning the space between his brows, he pulls you close with a tight grip on your hand.

"We're here," strictly he says.

A narrow door towers in front of you, and Jimin pulls you inside. Like a normal exhibit, walls were white, exaggerating the black and white photos hanging around them. Strangers inside could easily be counted, scattered around every corner of the room.

"They're all by Ash Park, a film photographer," he states, leading you to the left side to showcase the first picture.

In a golden frame, a pale girl bends to play ball with children much shorter than her in an alleyway. Jimin finds interest in your face, clearing his throat to begin his explanation. You ignore the description pasted on the wall beside it, letting Jimin do the work.

"That's in Cuba. That girl there is an actress, not so popular though. She and Ash are very close friends, if not more than that."

Your brows quirked up, lips pouting with the information given. "Bet your ass they are."

He breathes a laugh before walking to the next frame, and you follow.

"Did you go here already?" you asked, arms crossed against your chest and eyes pinned on the picture.

The same girl sits at the end of the bed, winking at the camera. Her hands politely placed on her thighs with legs crossed. Even in a colorless picture, her personality can be vibrantly seen. She was simply beautiful in her lacy dress.

You turn to Jimin who was staring right at you, his head quickly turning to the photo.

"I've been here with Taehyung," he answers. "About the picture, it's the same girl obviously. I think it's exquisitely symmetrical. Just amazing how aesthetic she looked sitting so proper on the bed. She's like the center of everything in that hotel room, I think that's what Ash is on about."

"I love your depiction, it's making me fall in love," you thin your lips, "with the picture, of course."

Jimin huffs. "Just the picture? Look at her, she's beautiful. He's clearly in love with her. I could hear her laugh from this picture, it's making me fall in love with her too."

"What's her name?"

"Jinri."

You've always thought that words are the only thing that can move a person, but Jinri's smile shines through the printed material. In an unexplainable way, you could feel the chemistry built within the photographer and the model, it is way beyond words. Again, Jimin explains another picture and always find yourself so absorbed within his way of interpretation. And aside from that, whenever your eyes look upon him, he already had his on you.

It goes on for a while, then you found your favorite piece. Jinri reading a book while her body rests on the glass of a store's window. Surrounded by a busy street, it seemed scripted. Nonetheless, it was still beautiful.

"This is my favorite," Jimin says.

"No way, I was just debating about that." Your eyes wandered around the picture, trying to pick up more details.

Jimin grins in astonishment. "It reminds me of a specific picture I took back in eighth grade. Do you remember the book fair?"

"Are you kidding? That's where we met."

"Yeah. That's the day I first brought my camera to school. I was playing around with the lens, trying out different stuff, and then I accidentally took a picture of this girl reading a book. And when I looked at it, the camera focused on her and the rest of the crowd was a blur."

"Do I know her?"

Jimin gulps. "No, probably not. From what I heard, she transferred schools the same year. It's my favorite though, I even printed it out."

"Really? Let me se-"

"It's in my Science notebook. I'll show you some other time."

The rest of the day continued, Jimin asking if you wanted to eat again which you wasted no second to say yes to. You eventually found out about Jimin's hatred towards ketchup. And when you got home, unopened books greeted you from your desk. However, regret didn't knock on your door that night, you were only left smiling while highlighting half of the pages.

But you weren't supposed to be thinking of Jimin like that, knowing the fact that you were supposed to imagine Jungkook during that date. It was bothersome that Jungkook never even crossed your mind today.

Sana's menacing eyes scanned you from head to toe, not believing the lie you had just told her. Your words completely stopping her from reviewing the Lush soap in her hand. Placing the glittery soap back to its container, she minimizes the gap between your bodies.

"I know damn well when you're lying, y/n. You did not review with Park Jimin." Your chest heaved at the mention of his name and you hope Sana didn't notice.

But of course, she's much like you. Quite the observant type, that's why she's your best friend. Years of observing and chattering about high school drama in the cafeteria would be useless if she didn't notice that small body language.

Lately, you keep finding yourself in situations you regret going to. Again, you were supposed to be diving deeper into your calculus reviewer, which you failed to finish last night, but to make up for rejecting Sana's offer to review at the library a day ago, you let her drag you to the mall. You wish you can just gauge your eyes out to make it impossible for Sana to read them.

She releases a breath, the mint chocolate ice cream she had from earlier traveling to your nose. "Please tell me you used a condom."

You slap her shoulder, eyes widening while she solemnly awaits your response. "What's wrong with you? That's the last thing on my list." Immediately regretting your last sentence, you shut your eyes tightly. "I mean it's not on my list." Fuck.

"You're risking failing the exams for a date, that's very unlikely of you."

Not wanting to look at her much longer, you drew your eyes to the bath bombs placed on the wooden table, hands skimming through their rough texture.

"We did not date. We had to do our assignments for the school pub," you clarify, emphasizing every word clearly.

Sana's body remains to face you, ignoring her favorite shimmery body products lying on the shelf beside her. "Last time I heard that was on Fifteen and Pregnant. Was it missionary? Come on, tell me the details."

"Holy shit, quit it! I didn't have sex with Jimin!" You heard every head turning to face you, looks of disgust thrown towards your way.

"Oh, really?" A deep voice sneaks behind you, making you place the lavender bath bomb back to its place. Taehyung blinks like a dumbfounded child, contrasting his deep voice from earlier. His height towers over you and Sana who was just as confused as you are.

"Excuse me? Is it normal for nerds to be such a creep all the time?" You felt Sana nod from beside you with her arms crossed on her chest.

"What? I'm not a nerd. You're a nerd," he points to Sana, "you too."

"Why are you here anyway? This is Lush not Gamestop."

His nose crinkled. "Just a quick FYI, there's a difference between geeks and nerds. And I am not any of those." Placing a hand in the middle of his chest, he looks you deeper.

You smirk, turning to Sana. "Nerd."

"Are you buying lotion for your boyfriend? Is that why you're here?" Sana curves a corner of her lips, proud of what she had said.

"No, I'm here to buy wax for your Mom. You got any suggestions?" retaliated Taehyung, cocking a head towards Sana. "I happen to pass by and I heard you talking about fucking Jimin. I was intrigued."

"Ew, no. She was joking," you reply, rolling your eyes to Sana.

"Oh, I know. He wouldn't be talking with Seulgi if you guys did... you know?" He raises a brow, and you furrowed yours, trying to pretend that you don't understand.

The mention of Seulgi's name struck a chord in you. You knew it was physically impossible for your blood to boil, but it's the right way to describe it. Guessing it's only the hatred for Sana and Taehyung teasing you about Jimin, somehow deep inside you were envious of Seulgi. It was probably the reason Jimin was hard to be seen today, and you're not denying that you did expect him to come talk with you.

"He was?" you ask with a tiny voice, unaware that you just said it.

"I saw them during lunchtime, didn't you?" Taehyung replies sternly, having no intention to make fun of your reaction.

"Right. Yeah, I saw them," you lie quickly, biting your lip afterwards.

Sana looks at you from your side, pursing her lips and trying her best to not say the wrong thing. It was her first time to see you unreadable. Your emotions were new and something she's never encountered before throughout years of knowing you. She's only used to comforting you about a failed quiz, or a scolding from Mrs. Cruz when you can't pronounce Desafortunadamente properly. But she can guess it, jealousy and confusion isn't something new to her. However, it's still absurd to see those emotions printed on your face.

Sana ended up buying a strawberry chapstick, and Taehyung had left before you knew it. She insists to take you home for unknown reasons, it was unusual of her to do so. And you throw yourself on the bed, still with your hot sweater on, careless if you start to smell or not.

You push your head onto the soft fabric of your pillow, trying to take your mind off of your reviewer and the unresolved teenage drama, ew. Now all of your actions are revealing their consequences, your mind falling into a pit of regret. Your crush on Jimin can't come back now, not before the exam at least. You have no strength to fight all that emotions, you should only have one thing in your head and it should be Chapter 8: DNA Base Pairs.

Screaming into the pillow, your Dad comes walking to your door, knocking passively and asking if you were doing okay which you stuttered a yes to. You release an exasperated sigh when you hear him walk back downstairs, continuing his favorite ESPN show.

You would think that a long exhausting day would actually exhaust you, but for some dumb reason, you got up from your bed and sat behind your desk. With a palpitating heart, your eyes wander around the messy table, looking for some sort of entertainment.

I should sleep, like right now. It was a school night, and staying up to decide whether to watch a RomCom movie or to write stresses you more than it should. For the mean time, fuck DNA Base Pairs and calculus, life is now and you're watching 50 First Dates for the seventh time.

The light emitting from the crevice below your door and the floor dims down a few moments ago, and your Dad was no longer cheering for a Christiano Ronaldo rerun. The night has gone quicker than you thought, it was already twelve o'clock sharp, and your eyes are not weighing down at least one bit. They remain full and in awe whenever Drew Barrymore is shown on screen.

Your jump out of your skin when you heard a soft clonk from outside your window, thinking it would just be a twig falling down a tree, you ignore. But they continued for three more times, and twigs falling down during a serene quiet night would be strange. If it was windy outside, you would've heard its gush.

You pause the movie on your laptop screen, waiting for another sound. And then you heard three more knocks. Your head follows the sound. You've never felt more overly excited in your life, stomach jumping in anticipation.

Jimin smiles through the window, relieved that you haven't gone deaf. He waves, then points towards the lock on your window. You nod, hopping out of your seat to unlock it. You hear him sigh, throwing his bag inside your room.

"What are you doing here? Did you get in trouble?"

Jimin's petite body slides right in with no problem, huffing in front of you after his success. He looks to your door then back at you, sweat rolling against the frame of his face.

"You wanna wake your parents? Can you chill for a sec," he whispers, walking towards the end of your bed and dropping on the floor.

While you were busy struggling to pull down the window, Jimin drags his bag to get his camera. Before you could flop beside him, the camera flashes your face. Your lips remain thin, too lazy to react. Scratching the back of your ear, you sit beside him.

"Seriously, how'd you get here in the middle of the night?" you ask, hugging your legs while your fingers tug on the fabric of your jeans.

Jimin spreads his legs, slouching on the wood behind him. He turns the camera off before seeing the picture, his focus already on you. "I stole my brother's car."

"And for what reason?"

"I can't sleep," his head hits the hard material as he turns to see you closer and you cringed for him, "I didn't see you at school today, why's that?"

"Sana dragged me to the mall right after my Spanish class. As for lunch break, I finished my Social Studies essay in the library."

"You could have told me at least. I was waiting for you during lunch."

"No, you weren't," you say quickly, "you were with Seulgi."

Jimin's head rises from its comfort, tilting in confusion. "Why would I be with her?"

You gulp, preparing to say the next lines without jealousy interfering in them. "Taehyung told me so. I ran to him at the mall."

He laughs, making you nervous. His head falls back again, bringing his hand on his stomach. "He probably saw us in the hallway. I did talk to her."

You bit your lip, confused why you expected a different answer from him. Your emotions remain unsolved.

"She wanted to get her bracelet back. She left it in my room before we broke up, but that's about it."

Contentment calms your nerve. He leans closer, and his familiar scent once again enters your nostrils, you exhale it away. "So, I came here uh... I feel like I needed someone to talk to."

"Taehyung's a choice," you reply, closing your eyes to lessen the excitement.

"His parents are actually going through a divorce right now, I don't want to add to his problems," he lets go of a long sigh, body falling to your side.

You lean backwards to make him feel more comfortable, watching his eyes close gently. "You should be there for him," you suggest in a soft tone.

"When I saw her earlier, I didn't want to approach her. I was confused when she walked to me," he said, disregarding your reply. "I feel guilty. I feel like I shouldn't be over her so quickly, I mean... I'm not over her, it's just that I feel better than how she's doing."

You listen to the sound of his calm breathing, and his hoarse voice that tried its best to get lower than it already is.

"When I talked about following her to college, I only said it to feel like I'm doing what I should as her boyfriend. I've always felt obligated around her and that's not how it should go. I love her but it's not the kind of love where everything falls into place." Jimin groans, lifting his body off you.

He ruffles his hair, bending his legs upwards to hug them, copying your position.

"I know it sounded like I'm seeking for perfect love, I'm not. I know relationships have their struggles, but my love for her isn't strong enough to keep it going. She broke up with me, but I feel like I was just waiting for her to."

"You children are so in love with the word 'love'." You dig your chin in between your knees.

"Y/n, it's love whether it's weak or strong. It's love for what I knew love to be. But I love her in a way I couldn't do things for myself, not that she forced me to, I just felt obligated to do so."

"Then don't do it. She'll still love you back even if you don't follow her to college."

"Do I sound stupid?"

You lift your chin to look at him, his eyes already angled towards you. "Honestly? Not really. You're in the midst of things, you can laugh about it later if it's stupid, but it's how you feel and you shouldn't be ashamed of it."

"Exactly, so why are you hating on high school romance again?"

You laugh. "I might need a little more convincing from you."

Your response was what he wanted to hear. There's more comfort in your hand and he realized that the moment he have let go of it during the day at the exhibition. He wants to do this with you, more than ever.

"Do you want to get some KFC?" he asks.

"Are you kidding? It's 12AM!"

"Do stomachs close when it's midnight? Come on, I'm really craving for some zinger right now. And we'll be back before your parents even know it," he insists. "Do something adventurous for once, high school is ending and all you can tell your grandkids about it is homework."

You roll your eyes. "I really can't," smacking your lips, "say no to that."

Jimin wastes no time in pulling you towards the window, but you shake his hand off to take your dirty sweater off, revealing your sky blue smocked bodice cami top. Jimin ravels his eyes on your body, a lump forming inside his throat.

"Move," you tease, pushing him towards the window. Thank God, it was humid outside, you wouldn't have survived with just a sleeveless top.

The next thing you know, Jimin was singing at the top of his lungs to What Lovers Do and with such a falsetto voice, you sang along as well. Looking to your side was when you realized how great the city lights compliment Jimin's smile, and everything felt so fixed, you weren't worried about getting caught nor falling asleep in class tomorrow, it just felt so right and perfect.

This was something based on novels you read as a middle schooler, and you were foolish to never believe in any of it. Some quotes start to make sense, everything was a hazy dream and no words can ever define how extraordinary Jimin's eyes looked as they twinkle inside the dark vehicle.

Jimin had no other thoughts than enjoying the moment with you, in this year is where it all ends and everything starts. Graduation was nearing and the only thing making perfect sense for him was that soft beam you have while you bob your head to the beat. Bokeh was something that he only sees in pictures, but he dies right the moment you smiled at him and you were surrounded by them.

He makes a turn, almost forgetting that you were here to eat with him. As soon as the both of you arrive inside, Jimin runs to the counter to place the orders.

You sit near the entrance, chin resting on your palm while you wait for Jimin to finish. The girl in the counter seems to be around your age, and she looks at Jimin with so much happiness in your eyes. You giggle. Jimin leans on the counter, silently talking with the girl to which she keeps responding with a laugh.

Jimin sits across you, setting the food on the table. His hand immediately grabbing his zinger. You watch him take the first bite while you unwrap yours, pretending to be as hungry as he was.

"How do you do that? Flirt all over the place?" You point your sandwich towards Jimin whose cheeks are bulging.

He swallows, eyes shutting to savor the satisfaction. "Oh, I'm not flirting. She was." He turns his head to the girl with a wide smile, then to you. "How do you do that? Hate on something you've never felt nor experienced?"

"Hm," resting your arms on the table, "I don't actually hate it anymore. This thing that we're doing, teaching me what people in love do, it's kinda fascinating."

His gaze alternates to you and his food. "There's more to this. This is what friends do, but what Seulgi and I did was so much more than just this."

You look down, taking a bite to ignore the weird emotion forming inside you.

"I mean what couples do. I know you're pretending I'm Jungkook and that's the thing, friends are great companion but when it's the person you love, time feels faster."

"I'm not actually pretending you're Jungkook," you confess, and you felt him lose his composure but he was quick enough to take it back.

"You seem to smile at me like I'm somebody else."

"I smile at you just fine," you take a sip of the Sprite beside your tray. "Anyways, do you already have something to send Yoongi?"

He nods. "Already took my masterpiece."

You roll your eyes. "Wish I could say the same. Exams are two days from now and I just gave up reviewing."

"I could study with you, I'll come over tomorrow."

"How is that gonna help me review?"

"I'm like the best study buddy ever. Have you written anything yet?"

You huff in disbelief. "No, inspiration's not coming to me."

Jimin moves away, mouth agape. "Y/n, look at me," and you did more than you already were, "I'm all the inspiration you need. Write something about how I smell good or how my eyes look when I talk, girls love to read that shit."

"First of all, you smell like every rotten fruits combined. Second, no. That's not what feature writing is about, I'm not gonna turn it into a John Green novel."

"Turn it into an erotica, let Yoongi jack off to it before rejecting it."

You snort, cheeks turning red. "You think he jerks off to erotica?" you ask in between laughs.

"I did, Fifty Shades of Grey chapter thirty-nine." He leans back, waiting for your reaction. "It was worth a wet page."

"I do not need details. Jimin, what the fuck?"

He raises his brows, chewing on his fries. Eating has never been more attractive. He smirks. "Hurry up eating." Jimin cleans his mouth with a tissue, slamming his fist on the table to rush you.

"Jesus, you wanted me to eat," you reply with your mouth full, crumpling the wrapper to slip it inside the empty cup.

The both of you leaves the place laughing, pushing each other on the way to his car — brother's car in the dark and empty parking lot. It was just the crickets, moderate hums of cars passing by, and your laughs, play fighting with each other. Before the car splits the both of you, Jimin pulls you to remain behind the vehicle.

"What?" He holds your arm in a careful manner, calming down from his giggles.

"I've never done this before," Jimin leads you to the driver's side, opening the door to reach for the radio. Leaving the car door open, Linger by The Cranberries made its way to your ears.

You feel your neck sets afire, you swear they've turned a bright pink that roamed to your cheeks. With wide eyes, questioning Jimin's actions. "You're not turning this into a coming of age film, are you?"

His palms glide to your waist, pulling you closer to him. Thank goodness the lot was empty, but you doubted maybe the girl Jimin was flirting with earlier can somehow see your bodies ridiculously swaying. That's the least of your worries, because Jimin's hands was electricity to your exposed skin. You decide to wrap your arms around his neck, not wanting to make it any more awkward and just going with the flow.

He blinks at you. "Yes, we certainly are." He purses his lips, you can only look.

Besides your swelling heart, your lips shake trying to suppress its cavernous grin. "So, this is what corny couples do?"

Jimin exhales through his nostrils, taking your hand to extend it to the side while he hugs you closer. "No, no. This is what we do, y/n."

You couldn't comprehend what he said, disregarding it by burying your head deep into his chest, inhaling his scent like making a memory, he does the same by digging his nose into your hair. You close your eyes to concentrate on the beat of his heart, just as fast as yours and synchronized perfectly.

"I've never done this before," he repeats and he feels you nod. "Have you?"

"No," you tell his chest. "Why would you think I've done it?"

His hot breath rolls on your scalp, enjoying the smell of your papaya shampoo. It goes on for a while, steady breathing no matter how fast both of your hearts rush. Then he lets go, a part of you already missing the feeling of his chest against your cheek.

"Can I just..." Jimin breaks, ignoring your question, his hand that used to intertwine yours holds your cheek, his grasp on your waist tightening. Your eyes were still, and he watches as though they were incomparable even when they're closed.

In a sharp push from behind you, fingers extending to push you further to his groin. Your eyes flutter open as his lips connect with yours. You pull away and you catch Jimin's eyes close, slowly opening them again.

"I'm sorry." He moves away, feeling horrible for just kissing you like that. Before he enters the car, you tug his arm, framing his face with your hands to pull him again back to your lips. He rakes his fingers on your back, just a little above your ass.

Feeling shy, the movement of your lips were subtle. But Jimin just devoured them, and you followed his sloppy kiss. He exhales heavily it sounded like a grunt, smiling in between. You wrap around him again, and he lifts his fingers to your nape. Pushing you towards the car, he jerks his hip and so did you, unfamiliar heat pooling between your thighs.

You thrust against him again, he grips you waist tighter only to pull away.

"You need to stop that," he purrs, giving you one last peck.

You followed his body, but he signals you to stop. Confused, you went to the other side and processed what he was trying to do. The kiss was too good to regret, it felt like an achievement rather. And the ride back to your house was unsatisfying, you didn't want to go home, you only wanted more. But Jimin leaves the moment he takes his bag, silence wrapping every second. No words exchanged after he stopped you from kissing him again, fazing you the whole night.

You spent your day memorizing at school, just happy that the teachers gave enough free time to let their students study for the upcoming exams. Except of course for Mrs. Cruz who went about Spanish adverbs.

Tuesday was boring, well, a little. It would've been extremely boring if the kiss last night didn't happen. Aside from flipping pages in the library while Sana sits comfortably beside you, your mind wanders why the fuck - why the fuck Jimin kissed you then stopped you. You poke Sana, intending to tell her about it, it doesn't matter if she can help, but she shakes your hand away and made a hissing noise. Slouching in your seat, you pick up your notes again, rereading each sentences.

Once. Twice. Thrice. Trying to get the definition of protein inside your head, but you're far from getting there when footsteps behind you felt closer. Please don't be him. But of course, destiny seems to love the idea of you being miserable.

"We need to talk," Jimin says right when you stand to face him, holding a brown teddy bear in his hand.

"No, dingus. She's with me," Sana protests, putting down her trig notebook.

"Actually, we need to really talk. Like really need to really talk, you know?" you reply, leaving your seat while Sana frowns.

Sana was only two steps away, yet Jimin continued with his statement.

"About the kiss," he begins. "I'm really sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. I shouldn't have done it."

"Right," you lie. "I also didn't know what I was doing. I was just thinking of Jungkook and I dived right in, I'm such an idiot. It was like one in the morning, I was hallucinating." You fake a giggle and Jimin furrows his brows.

"You were thinking of Jungkook?" he mutters, almost inaudibly. "I mean, right. Yeah, you're thinking of Jungkook, I should know ha ha."

"Let's just forget about it. It's dumb." You nod your head, and he bites his lip trying to ignore your gaze. "Is that for Seulgi?" Pointing towards the medium stuff toy, and he lifts it while scratching his nape.

"Nope, this is actually for you," he extends the toy forward and you uncertainly accept. "Are we still on tonight? You know? About the studying thing?"

You grit your teeth, pushing your thumbs roughly on the bear's stomach. "Of course, why wouldn't we be? Let's just forget about that thing last night, uhm... See you at five?"

Jimin finds you unbelievable, he couldn't even get over about the kiss ever since this morning but here you were, someone who's never been kissed before being so casual.

"Five it is." His lids drop, ignoring the prickly feeling as he walks away.

You release a huff, staring at the bear while Sana watches you with her mouth wide open.

"Wow, you're actually dating him."

You turn over to see her face, rolling your eyes. "Last thing on my list, okay?"

She shrugs.

It wasn't long 'till the sun sets, you were already in your pj's and this time, you wore a tight shirt to prevent Jimin from seeing your boring bra straps. You weren't even preparing the study materials, you were just sitting on the couch, tensed and dense, with ears waiting for the doorbell to finally ring.

Bracing yourself, you stare at the bear placed on the other side of the couch and it looks as though it's speaking right back at you. The doorbell rings, and you run to the door as fast as you could but you stopped before opening it, arguing with yourself whether to smile or not, pretending like you don't care that he's here.

"Hey," he clears his throat, "are you ready?"

"For what?"

He grins at your stupid question. "To study? What else are we gonna do?"

You shake your head, throwing your thoughts in a bin as you move away from the door, leaving him to close it. The heat beneath your thighs from your seat earlier comforts you, you're home and there's nothing to be nervous about — except you're home alone with Jimin and you have every reason to be nervous.

"What do study buddies do? I'm not really a fan of company," you confess as if he doesn't know yet.

"I don't know. I've never done it either." He laughs. "Let's just ask each other questions."

You nod, watching him sit a foot apart from you, positioning his black bag next to the couch.

"Oh," he expressed, looking at his gift that lies comfortably next to him. "Hello."

You place your thick Biology book on top of your lap, searching for questions you could ask him. "You ready?"

"When you are." He waits, rubbing his knee.

Fuck, there really was this stupid tension that won't go away even if you try. You breathe unsteadily, hoping your voice won't crack.

"What's a codon?"

He clicks his tongue. "It's a sequence of three nucleotides that corresponds to an amino acid. A full set of codons is called a genetic code." His voice was suave, completely unaware of your thoughts.

"Great, that's great. That's more than what a blank would need. Next question."

He nods.

"What's a DNA made up of?"

"Phosphate, 5-carbon sugar, and nitrogenous bases."

"Yes. Are you sure you need to review?"

"Yeah, it's just two questions I got right."

"Fine. What kind of bonds hold together the nucleotides within one one strand?"

"Special covalent bonds called phosphodiester bonds. Is that correct?"

"Yeah. This is unfair, you're in a science club."

"It's not just a science club. It's the Curious Minds Club."

You groan. "I was trying to forget that stupid name."

"Say what, Ms. Secretary of Mr. Darcy Fan Club."

"That's not the name of our club! It's Diverse Readers Literary Group."

"Oh, I forgot. You know why I forgot? It's boring."

"Dee-Ar-El-Gee. Sounds more professional than Curious Minds, it's like you're hosting a Disney show."

"DRLG? Sounds like a social worker group."

"Whatever. Your tiny brain won't understand."

He steals the book from your lap, flipping to a page you've never seen before. "What kind of bonds hold together the nucleotides within one strand?"

"Shit. Hydrogen bonds?"

"See? You got this. How many bonds do the nirogenous bases form?"

"A and T form 2... uh... hydrogen bonds while C and G form 3."

"You're just as qualified for the Curious Minds Club."

"Oh, no."

He laughs, dismissing your thoughts away. You find yourself breathing properly around him, forgetting the taste of his lips.

"Next question," he snaps his fingers, "how well do I kiss?"

You look at him for the first time in a while, his legs on the couch before you could even scold him for it. He has his arms on top of the couch, right above you. "Seriously?" was all you could say.

"Quick survey." You weren't kidding but it sounded like he was, though he anticipates your answer.

"It was great," you whisper, remembering it all again. How you thrusted onto him, tasting his sweet lips from the remnants of sprite, and how his smell didn't bother you a single bit.

"Just great?"

He shifts closer, and you turn your direction in front. "What do you expect me to say?"

"Did you really think of Jungkook?" You heard the tussle in his tone.

"Mhm," you recline. "Didn't you think about Seulgi?"

He laughs through his nostrils, the air gushing to your cheek. "Why would I think of her? I was kissing you. God, how oblivious can you get?"

"Well, maybe because you stopped me? You realized I'm not her so you stopped me."

It took a moment before he responded. "I didn't want you to stop. I just can't take you there."

"Take me where? Look, it's okay if you were thinking of Seulg-"

"My God, y/n. I was trying to control myself!"

"From what?"

"From fucking you," he half-yells.

There it was again, the fire building in you. Why did he have to bring this up again? You were close to forgetting everything - err, at least some of it.

"Y/n, I'm sorry if you felt like I was rejecting you. I can never do that." He scoots again. "Say something."

You had no clue what words you were trying to search for, all you wanted was to feel his lips on yours again. What do they taste like without the sweet drink lingering? How would it feel to kiss him in private? To kiss him in a comfortable place, somewhere no one can interfere?

There's only one way to find out.

"Then prove it."

He thinks for a moment before attaching his lips onto yours once again. It was like a taste you've been craving, and having his lips on yours again felt ecstatic. Without the drink, his lips tasted just the same, sweet and satisfying. He skims a hand to your thigh, while the other holds your nape. God bless the teenage hormones!

He pulls away, breathing raggedly. "On top of me." He taps your thigh and you oblige, sitting on his lap and returning your lips to his.

The kiss was running out, you want more. You want to feel more than just a kiss, it was insatiable. His sweatpants did no justice in hiding his hardening cock, softly poking on your entrance. But he kept his hands on your waist, trying his best not to grab your ass. You grunt, finally rolling your hips to feel that friction you've been needing.

He fails at controlling himself after hearing the noise you made, thrusting upwards to get the satisfaction he needed. His hand stops before the curved of your breast, needing an affirmation from you. For the mean time, he was entertaining himself by playing with your tongue. You earn a groan from him when you rub your pussy against the outline of his cock, he pulls away again to stare at his crotch, biting his lip.

"Did I do anything wrong?" you ask with so much worry.

"No, I just... I won't be able to stop if you keep doing that."

"Jimin, please," you beg, trailing his hands to your waiting breasts, moaning while you continuously rub yourself on him.

He watches you get yourself off with hooded eyes, his mouth open as he releases quiet moans himself. "You're doing so well, y/n, fuck." He pulls you again, biting your lower lip as he inserts one of his hand in your shirt, lifting your bra to pinch a nipple.

You were nearing your climax, and Jimin just kept watching without intention to take his clothes off. Slowing down, Jimin lifts your shirt right above your breasts, licking a nipple while he gropes the other.

You release a high-pitched whine, encouraging Jimin to twitch his dick. "Woah, you could do that?"

He giggles slightly, giving you a peck on the lips. "You're so adorable."

He thrusts again, pushing you further to your orgasm. Struggling to face him, he lowers your chin with his thumb, murmuring words you couldn't decipher at the moment, but they sounded comforting and sexy. With one last hump, muffling a loud moan in Jimin's shoulder, you find it hard to look in his eyes again. You could feel yourself throb in wetness, too ashamed to get off of Jimin only to find a wet spot on his gray sweatpants.

"It's okay, baby," he whispers as you pull away, resting back on your seat.

"Are you... Did you?" you stutter, currently having a hard time finding the right question to ask him.

He didn't. You saw the tip of his cock — it looks so good — bulging through the fabric, dry and desperate for attention.

"Hey, I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Nothing was fine for you, everything was embarrassing. You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have let your hormones get the best of you. You couldn't look him in the eyes, needing time to process your orgasm and what the hell you just did.

"I think you need to leave," you sternly command, "I need to-"

"I get it. Sorry." You regret telling him to leave because after his apology, he grabbed his things and actually left, giving you more the reason to regret everything.

The room was quiet, but you can still hear your reckless moans, wishing that the neighbors didn't hear any of it or else you're dead meat once your parents get home. You glance at the teddy bear, immediately grabbing the soft toy to hug it.

"Why didn't you stop me?"

The proctor was Mrs. Cruz, the first to ruin your day. She walks a lot around the classroom for someone who's having back problems. From time to time, she'd have a sit behind the desk, typing slowly on her laptop keyboard. She would also readjust her thinly-framed glasses, tuck her dry dark hair behind her ear.

That's enough description of Mrs. Cruz, you're absolutely lost for words when it came to the unexpected essay. Who puts an essay in a Maths exam? Apparently, it's Mr. Uley. You've left a couple of blanks, and some were lacking solution. Mr. Uley also came up with the worst idea for an exam: right minus wrong.

Rolling the edge of the paper to find relief, you signaled to Sana who sits beside you, luckily. Leaning to the side, you slump your foot down ever so slightly so that Mrs. Cruz wouldn't notice. Sana looks at you, then to Mrs. Cruz who was busy finding a letter in her keyboard.

You mouthed, "Number six."

Sana furrows her brow, flipping through her pages to see her answer. She smiles, and you sigh inside your head, she has an answer.

"I didn't answer it," she whispers back, catching the crooked teacher's attention. Sana plays it cool, pretending to think while she rolls her pen in her fingertips.

Your world drops again, shit. You're most likely going to fail Trigonometry, and that means watching motivational videos on Youtube about blaming the education system and how it fails the students completely for being incompetent when you really just didn't study.

That was only the first exam, there were more to come. You have already lost your motivation, but you were confident to take Biology. You have all the reasons to be.

Jimin appears at the cafeteria from time to time, but you would ignore it. He was aware of how uncomfortable it have gotten between the both of you and he wasn't planning to make any move. Good thing Sana has stepped out of her diet and finally started to join you for lunch again. But it's not that much fun with Sana, because for every bite of your sandwich, she had to talk about how unhealthy it was and that you should change your diet too. But it's her or no one.

Well, Jungkook was one person to talk to other than Sana. Short talks with him aren't so bad, he was just too shy. You can't expect much from a tenth grade boy, but you've made a close friend in him.

Two days of examination felt longer than it should, and time for studying felt shorter before exams. The only thing you're having trouble with was coming up with a story. You missed Jimin and his scent, and you knew things would be better if your problem with him would just go away, but you can't bring yourself to talk to him and arrange things between your relationship. He wasn't doing any effort either to come talk with you.

Maybe it really is over. Maybe you really ruined everything. You can't blame it on your hormones itself, you wanted to cum on Jimin's lap, it was all on you. It was your choice, and you've come to the conclusion that you might have actually fallen for the school publication photographer. Shit, you tell yourself.

You shut your laptop, frustrated for not finishing yet again another draft. You decided to fill your stomach instead of forcing out a drabble, it always ends well when you're munching on something sweet. When you reached downstairs, your Dad was cheering for Christiano Ronaldo again. ESPN must've ran out of ideas and just kept showing reruns of the same game, still your dad was entertained by them even after long hours of working.

He glances at you while you open the fridge, unbothered to ask you how was school. When the door rings, you dropped the box of leftover donuts. You were a little hopeful of who it could be.

Seeing your dad remain in the same position of the couch, you proceeded to the doorstep with a glazed donut in your hand. It's not him, but it sure was a surprise to have Sana visit you during this ungodly hour for a school night. She's got her hair straightened and fixed, wearing a white skin-tight dress that stops on her mid-thighs. She looked glamoured up.

"The hell are you doing here?" you asked the blondie while the donut melts in your mouth. Your Dad turns for a second, but he goes back to watching.

"I'm picking you up, dummy. Daniel is hosting a party, you should definitely come."

"What? No, I'm busy."

"You're not busy. Exams are over so let's have a celebration. Your boyfriend's gonna be there."

"He's not my boyfriend! I couldn't care less if Jimin will be there, can you let me be?" Yes, you actually cared that Jimin will be there. You just can't get the idea of him having fun while you are left here confused and still thinking about last time.

Of course he was over it. You were just another girl he had on his dick. You thought you would've memorized Jimin's tactics by now, but you're still as naive as he knows you would be. Your lids lightened against your eyes, a tingly feeling creeping inside you but not in a good way. You could float and fall at the same time.

"Let's go to this stupid fucking party." You swore your dad's head turned, but that's the least of your worries.

You rush to your room, picking up whatever you find sexy, and immediately throwing it on. You wanted to be unexpected and spontaneous, everything Jimin thought you wouldn't be. When you wind up to the party, his mouth is gonna drop on the floor while you grind on some jock's crotch. Maybe you'll regret it in the morning, but you've already done enough of regrettable stupid things in a span of a week. What's one more stupid mistake?

Things don't always go as planned, that's why you're sitting next to Hoseok, a senior like yourself from another school, you can't remember. But the discussion was great while Sana plays Truth or Dare with the band geeks. He was in the middle of talking about his hiking with his very wealthy family, and you were in the middle of falling asleep hoping he won't notice your lids dozing off.

You've never caught a sight of Jimin in the party, and you've already come to the conclusion that Sana just said that to make you come. You hate the fact that she was successful in her attempt.

Irritation brushed your nerves, keeping you awake as you stare deeper into Hoseok's beautiful smile. You wanted to make your plan come true whether Jimin was here or not — which in this case, not.

Whoever was in charge of music, you were thankful. It was probably an indie party song, somewhere around Grouplove's genre. Now you were throwing your hands around Hoseok, his smile disappearing and turning into a smirk. You felt dirty, what has high school become?

It wasn't that one glass of tequila that made you sway in front of Hoseok, you just wanted to take your mind off of Jimin. You hiss at the thought of him, placing a soft kiss on Hoseok's neck. He pulls you close, but it didn't feel like how Jimin pulled you that night in the lot. It felt cold, Hoseok's hand wasn't homely. His scent was probably Old Spice, you used to love that scent, you could smell it from Jungkook back then.

This wasn't working. For the first time in your high school years, you've failed yourself to accomplish something — aside from your Trig exam. Hoseok wasn't grinding himself and you appreciate the chivalry. He was just sorta enjoying your sloppy tongue against his neck, and he loved the way you were cutely dancing in front of him.

It wasn't long 'till his hand trails down to your ass though, and he was gripping it tightly. Before you could react, he was moving away. And when you looked at him, he was staring behind you. A familiar hand traces your waist, and a sweet fragrance travels your nose.

"I didn't expect you to be here," Jimin speaks from behind before you turn to face him. Hoseok was gone and you didn't bother.

"Get your hand off me, Jimin." He doesn't let go, only gripping the curve of your waist tighter. He was holding a sippy cup in his other hand, moving to your front to get a better view of you.

"What did I do wrong?" In all your honestly, nothing. You pushed him away and he did well, but you just wished he could read your mind during that time like he always does.

"How was exams for you?" You drop the topic, trying not to think of your embarrassing "cumming undone" moment. He sips in the most attractive way. You remain your arms crossed.

"I think I did horrible. I'm pretty sure you did well, baby," he slurs, obviously drunk.

When his breath reached your nostrils, you can't deny the way you throbbed for his lips to just latch onto your neck.

"Don't baby me," you irked, earning a chocolate laugh from him.

"Why not?"

"Because you're drunk."

"What made you think I'm drunk? I'm very much sober." He grips you tighter, and you didn't insist, only attaching your hips to his groin. "I'm just lazy talking." He bites his lip, watching how your hips teased the front of his fly.

"Why did you leave?" you asked.

"I didn't want to, y/n. I just know you felt uncomfortable and I don't want to push you further."

There was silence before you could process his answer, nothing proper came up as he molds his hand to your ass. He was confident when he's drunk. Unlike Hoseok, it felt right.

So much caressing happened, heavy petting. And Jimin being the suspect, you can't help yourself. You just somehow found yourself tangled with him on the way upstairs looking for a room to do things seventh grade you despised. Fuck relationships and young love, right? But if Jimin could make your hormones rage like a sexually-deprived normal teenager, why not try?

Whoever Daniel was, he's one hell of a rich guy. Losing your virginity in a luxurious palace looking room sounds better than losing it in the backseat of a car after prom night. Good thing Jimin had good control of his dick, or else you would have been pumped in his brother's car at a parking lot in front of a KFC.

You pushed your thoughts away as Jimin had his fingers at the hem of your underwear, tugging it down slowly. The air fills the gap, for the first time in your life, your pussy ached out of lust. Being the patient man, he looks you in the eye for a second, waiting for a word.

"Do you really want this?" he asks, his index already forming circles around your inner thigh. "I'm so fucking hard for you right now. If you're not sure, tell me before I shove my dick right in your pussy."

You were never a fan of porn, not even a single bit. You would never waste time on horrible actors, but Jimin's words were straight out of a porn script. Yet they didn't draw you back, instead you squirmed under his fingertips.

"Please, Jimin."

He buries himself in your slit, latching his tongue against your clit.

"Oh," you exclaimed. It felt like that evening you were on Jimin's lap, except more intense and raw. There's nothing more that you want than for him to do it again.

"You like that?" he asked, but you ignored. His tongue was gentle, placing kitten licks on your sensitive bud, having you arched your back like a professional gymnast. Both his hands traveled to your breasts, groping them amidst the fabric. You place your hands on top of his, it felt romantic to hold them for reasons you can't explain. He leaves one of your breasts, feeling him near his finger in your entrance.

Your eyes widened, jumping at the sensation of something entering you. He affirms you by tightening his hold on your hands. Again, massaging your clit with his plump luscious lips.

"Baby," he whispers to your pussy, as if making a bond with it. Enjoying the curving of a single digit in your hole, he slowly eased in another one. "Are you taking it well?"

"Yes, yes. God, yes." You grope his hair, pushing him to your clit and you feel him smirk.

He adds another once you got comfortable, the sting passing away after a few more pumps. When he feels you nearing again, he pulls away. He winks as he removes his pants, kicking it down until his member sprung out.

You have seen a dick, of course. Well, if anatomy illustrations count. It looked scary, but it was Jimin. Thick and veiny is the proper way to describe it, he was right. Seulgi would never break up with him because of his dick, it wouldn't even make the list of why she had broken up with him. You stared at it for a while longer while Jimin prepares himself by putting on a show.

He positions himself in between your thighs, rubbing the head of his cock in your cunt. He kisses you, muffling your moans as he eases inside, in a very gentle way as if you were a butterfly that landed on the tip of his finger. Though it was tearing you apart, Jimin finds a away to make you comfortable by rolling his tongue against your jaw. It helped only a little, and when he moved smoothly, you whimper which he takes notice of.

"Jimin, wait," with such an embarrassed tone, but he comforted you by staring into your eyes, stopping himself no matter how hard it was. "I'm sorry. I just need—"

"No worries, I'm okay. Do you want to stop or not?"

"No, just wait."

He nods, the air he emits heating your face. He stares at your teary eyes, falling more than ever. He's never seen anything so precious, if only he could take a picture of such moment, but there are things that the camera can't see, much like words can't express.

You wrap your arms around him, signaling him to continue. He doesn't disappoint, he pushed again deep inside you, releasing a shaky groan to your ear. Every thrust felt euphoric, not a single one didn't give you pleasure. You clench around him, earning a nasally exhale from him.

"Chim-ah..." you trail, clawing at the skin of his back. His face wrinkled, and it was the sexiest thing you've seen. "Feels so good."

He sped up his pace, and just like before, you were cumming around him. But he motivates you, unbothered whether he was finished or not. He sends you to your orgasm, legs clinging tighter around him. He watches you bite your lip to suppress the loud moan, still thrusting harder to ride the high.

Then he throws himself beside you, and this time you wanted to return the favor. You get on your knees which had Jimin's eyes flutter open, yet still hiding his excitement. Once you grip his length, he bites his bottom lip, trying to remain his calm. He focuses on you, propping on his elbows to see you better.

"You don't have to do this," he comforted.

"I want to. I'm no expert so please—"

"Shh, everything you do is sexy," he whispered, placing his thumb on your cheek to give you the warmth you needed.

Here goes nothing, you tell yourself. You slide a thumb over the head of his shaft before rolling your tongue from the bottom to the top. I should've watched porn more, I'm such an amateur.

Jimin saw the doubt in your eyes, giving you a sly smile before he speaks. "It feels good."

You swaddle his balls, finally pushing your lips further down his cock, softly sucking. You can taste yourself, it felt dirty doing something like it, but when you saw Jimin's eyes pinned on you while his face crunches in pleasure, you couldn't help but be motivated. You pumped the rest of his cock, latching you tongue on every visible vein which had Jimin grunting. You hollowed your cheeks while your tongue ripples inside, tickling the edges of his cock.

"Shit, y/n. You're going fucking—" he groaned, not being able to articulate proper sentences.

Then he explodes right into your mouth without a warning except for a hand in your hair, thrusting his hips upwards which made you gag. It was salty and bitter—not really your definition of swallowable. You still gulped it down, and Jimin laughs at your reaction.

Patting the space beside him, you slump down. You've always thought sweaty tangled bodies were disgusting, but it was actually comforting and warm.

That's the first night of hearing Jimin's cute little snores.

A flash to your face wakes you up, and through heavy lids you saw Jimin in his usual black pants, topless of course. You panicked this time, not because of your sleeping face but because you were just as naked.

"Jesus, Jimin! Delete that!" you demanded, the boy only grins.

"Just for me, trust me." He sits beside you on the bed, giving you a smack on the lips.

Your breath smelled like the night before, but Jimin didn't care. Having his warm body right next to yours was different, and even though your values don't really support what you were doing around him, you still wrapped them around his waist. Jimin does the same, the sound of his breathing calmed your thoughts.

You've always wondered why couples spend a lot of time together, like don't they run out of things to say? However, the silence in the room spoke something to you. No words need to be exchanged to let each other know the thoughts of the other.

Jimin gave you a ride home (with his brother's car) at four in the morning, kissing you goodbye, leaving you smiling as you walk to your room. You want to see him again, maybe even have a breakfast with him.

Wait, what? I'm not in love with him! This is just a huge crush.

You diminish the smile, proceeding to the shower to wash away his scent. Shaking your head as you think about actually falling in love. No! You're too young for that, right? Though the hot shower didn't really help you scrub the emotions off, it did give you the time to deny.

English was dry, and so were the other classes. If only Sana came today, maybe you would learn another nutrition fact about your usual chicken sandwich. Also it's not to your surprise that Jimin joins you for lunch and gave you a chocolate box. You've known him for years and he even went as far as buying a bouquet for Seulgi as a gratitude after their sexual escapades.

"You're giving me Ferrero Rocher for fucking you last night?"

He snickers, one that could make your cheeks burn. "Can you— What's wrong with you?"

"You're acting like I'm a new person. Jimin, I'm still your best friend," you say without expecting your tone to be as high.

"Babe, just open it for me." You roll your eyes at the nickname.

You lift the lid of the heart-shaped box, a note taped in the middle of the lid surprises you. Swooning a little, not trying to show Jimin your actual reaction.

“Do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my prom date?”

"No," you sighed. "I mean, no way this is real."

Jimin's gaze falls over, that look of hurt surrounding his face. "Hey, I'm not rushing you."

"This is just stupid, no offense. You know me, Jimin. I know you more than anything. I know you still think about her," you protest, not daring to look him in the eyes and just staring at the note.

"I'm not forcing you, y/n. I'm just offe-"

You scoffed, but you kept your composure. "I'm not going. It will be a waste of time. I'm really sorry. You can just ask her instead."

"I like you, y/n. I don't even think about her when I'm with you." You grew nervous at the thickness of his voice.

"Because that's what it is. You move on easily because you're not really in love, kids like us don't know the meaning of love. Stop pretending that for every sex you've had, you're in love."

"Jimin," Seulgi appears behind him, clearing her throat.

"I'm gonna go," you tell him with a broken voice, giving a thin smile towards Seulgi. You take the box half-heartedly, chocolates can't go to waste.

That was the last time you spoke to Jimin and from time to time, he'd give a call but you never answered any of them. Things slowly went back to normal and finally, you've finished your feature before Min Yoongi spams you with e-mails. The outcome never really satisfied you, but it was better than nothing.

In my long years of high school, the word "love" had never crossed my mind. A week ago, I was assigned to write about falling in love at a young age. But the truth is, falling for someone during these early years will never happen. Love takes so much more than just a spoken word. I know, you're in love with your partner right now, but let me tell you this one thing: you're not. These butterflies, all the fluttering inside our stomachs, they're most likely just happiness and excitement. College will come, and all the emotions we feel now will be forgotten. So, what's the point in falling in infatuation? Save yourself the emotional roller coaster, love in high school is the last thing you should think of. There's so much more to love in the world, like baseball or cheerleading. It doesn't always have to be a person. The right time will arrive, and you're actually going to fall in love. But not when we're still struggling to solve for the x, or when we can't come up with an essay. Love is everywhere, but our young little hearts won't recognize that just yet. Just like what Ricky Nelson had said, "We haven't the right to decide for ourselves, dear, what's black and what's white."

"This sucks." Sana slams the paper on the lunch table, giving you a judging look. "I can't believe Yoongi allowed this to be published."

You roll your eyes, cringing at the sight of your highly-disliked feature. "I know, okay? No need to remind me."

"Well, everybody in campus hates you now for thinking that their relationship is all just a joke to you. It's not like they care about your opinion, just that they feel humiliated. You could have done better." Her expression was disappointed, aware of what you're hiding. "You know Jimin submitted your picture right? The one in the cafe sayin-"

"It's published. What can I do?" You cut her off before she could make you feel bad about Jimin, munching on your chips as you slouch on your seat.

Sana puts her hand behind your back, straightening your posture. "I know you can write better. You're just trying to run away from your inspiration."

You give her a dirty look before speaking with your mouth full. "Shut up, I'm not running from anything."

She laughs, caressing your back. "Oh, my y/n, you can't lie from me." She smiles, her perfect teeth annoying you.

"Who cares if they don't like my feature? They go ahead and write their own, I don't care."

"You're so narrow-minded. Are you sure you're not coming to prom? I can still get you a dress in case you change your mind."

Right, you almost forgot. Prom was tomorrow, and you're kind of regretting not going after finding out that Jungkook will be there to serve the food. But seeing Jungkook wouldn't be worth it if you will be seeing Jimin dance with Seulgi all night long.

"I'm not changing my mind, Sana." You stood, gathering your stuff before leaving Sana behind in the cafeteria, not wanting to talk about how excited she is for prom.

You spent the next day watching reruns on ESPN much like your father, nodding along as he complains how a professional athlete couldn't make a single goal. He was too absorbed by the sports in front of him, he couldn't notice the distress in your eyes. There's no hope from your mother either who was busy finishing her reports. You groan.

Then it's prom night, you flop down to your messy bed, staring at the untouched chocolate heart-shaped box Jimin had given you two weeks ago. You breathe deeply, pulling yourself from the bed to approach the partly golden box. When you open it again, the message was still there—it's not like it's going to disappear over time. But it felt like yesterday, the chocolate looked good as new, and even smelled as sweet as... him.

You jump through your skin when you hear your mom opens the door without giving a quick knock, making you jolt the box to the floor.

"Mom!" you yell, and she broke into a fit of laughter.

"Sorry, hun. What would you like for dinner?" she asks in her velvet voice, warming the cold night.

"I'm not really eating. You and Dad can decide." Your eyes wander around the room, throwing your ego to ask her a question. "Mom?"

She comes back to the door, leaning on the door frame with one of her hands on her waist. "Yes?"

"This will sound really stupid, but" — you exhale — "how did you know you were in love with Dad?"

She giggles, making you feel more ashamed of the question. She moves to your side, sitting beside you before she speaks. "Well, I didn't know it. I felt it. One day, I hated the sound of his snores, then I woke up next realizing I can't live without them. There's so many things I hated about your dad, but I still love what I hate about him. By the way, your dad had the worst perfume back in the day, but now I can't breathe without it."

You chuckle, suppressing the twinge of dismay filling your mind. "I feel like I made a mistake of letting this boy go."

She gasps. "Why didn't you tell me about this boy?"

"That's not really the point right now," you laugh.

"That's what kids do. You guys make mistakes and you keep making 'em. If you love him, then go for it, honey."

You choke. "You think I love him?"

"Don't you? You don't have to love a person to chase 'em, you chase 'em because you want to love them." She sighs. "You're young, you're not supposed to make the perfect decisions just yet. Don't stress about whether you love this boy or not. If it doesn't work out, you can use the lesson for the next."

"That's more than I need, Mom. Thank you."

She gives you a squeeze on your shoulder before leaving you room.

I screwed up.

You pick the box from the floor, and a picture falls out from it. It took you a while before you could analyze it. A black and white photo of a girl reading a book, very similar to the one in the museum. What caught your attention is you knew who it was, the clothes, the book, the face. It was you back in eighth grade during the book fair, you had your eyes pinned on Wuthering Heights.

With heart racing, you flip the picture to reveal the message behind it.

"To the first girl I fell in love with :)"

Your mouth was left open, frozen in place as you try to process your emotions. You're the girl Jimin was talking about, you were Jimin's eighth grade crush. He had feelings for you just like you had feelings for him back then, and it all came back when you started hanging out with him again.

You wasted no time getting into your hoodie, running downstairs which made your mom look at you in horror.

"Mom, I need the car keys. I made a mistake." Without a nod from her, you grab the car keys and ran to her forbidden Civic.

It's been long since she have let you borrow the car, but it's now or never. It seemed like the perfect timing to tell him how you actually feel, under chandeliers and surrounded by young couples dancing in love. You weren't even sure if he decided to show up to prom as well after your hurtful rejection in front of Seulgi. Or maybe he had changed his mind, choosing to take your advice and actually taking Seulgi to prom.

You brushed the negativity off, pulling in Chelsea Hotel. A parking valet stopping you from entering the hotel, but you shove him from you, quickly running towards the venue. Poor guy just trying to do his job.

You exhale, trying to catch your breath. The room glimmers, a disco ball instead of a chandelier spins on the ceiling. You roll your eyes, your school has always been a disappointment when it comes to decoration. You seek through the students, searching for the pale boy. You only found Sana who was already waving at you, eyes shinning in joy. You give her a sly smile, continuing to look for Jimin. And you found him by the photo booth, approaching him with tiny steps.

"Hi," you greeted.

He looks up from the camera and your words were already backing away, throat thinning when you meet his eyes.

"I am sorry for what I said. I was being narrow and stupid. I shouldn't have said those, you know?" You voice cracks in every word, and he goes back to his camera. "Jimin, please."

You saw him suppress a smile, but it wasn't enough. He was still fiddling with his tripod, fake fixing the stand.

"Fine!" you blurt, walking away from him.

You caught a lot of eyes staring at your outfit as you approach the stage, and you felt nauseated when you reached for the microphone. A blond girl furrows her brows at you, pointing towards her bandmates.

"What are you playing?" you confidently ask.

"Excuse you?" she returns, annoyance obvious in her tone.

"Trust me, I'll let you sing. Just tell me what song are you playing."

"Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer," she says without certainty.

"Look, I can get you in front of the page of our next publication issue. Everyone in the school will know your band, just do me one favor."

She turns to her bandmates and they all nodded. "Spit it out."

"Can you please... play the intro while I have my speech?"

"You got it."

When you said that, you didn't expect them to actually play the intro immediately. But there's no turning back, all eyes were already on you except for Jimin. Everybody gave you looks, obviously aware that you were the one that wrote that hateful feature.

You pat the mic, feedback traveling through everybody's ears. Then you sighed again, prepping yourself.

"I know I've hurt some of you because of what I wrote. I'm sorry to everyone. I was the one wrong, I shouldn't belittle these emotions because we're young. I've come to the realization that whatever we feel now will always matter even in college, even when we're old. Falling in love today doesn't make anyone less of a person, we're young and we're supposed to make mistakes. Fall in love now and fall in love again, it's how stories are made. And to that person I specifically broke, I think I like you." You breathe, picking in your nails. "So, Park Jimin, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

You bit your lip, waiting for the audience's response to your corny speech. And your back straightens when they started clapping, some even yelled "Fuck yeah!" which made you laugh in embarrassment. Your eyes couldn't find Jimin at the moment, and you gave blondie the microphone, letting her continue her performance. You have some deals to make with Yoongi for the next front page.

You walk down the stairs, trying to calm the race of your heart. A hand pulls your waist, plump luscious lips devouring yours. Sweet fragrance entering your senses, you knew who it was.

"That was the cringiest shit you've said," he comments. "I knew you would come."

You roll your eyes. "I think I owe you a meal."

Jimin puts his hand at the small of your back, directing you towards the photo booth. "No, you owe me a story."

(unedited)

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weeb-writor · 4 years

Text

Babysitting Aizawa’s 6... no 10 Nieces and Nephews

Hey There! Today we have the second part to the Aizawa fic I posted a few days ago! It can act as a stand alone so don't worry if you haven't read the first one! Ill try to post it here but I'm new at this. Also isn't much Shouta x you in this, just domestic fluff! More a set up for the loving in the next work, I hope you'll still read it anyway. Reader is neutral and I hope you all enjoy!

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Aizawa Shouta x Reader

Aizawa’s mom goes into the hospital for an emergency surgery and all his siblings turn to you to watch their kids, but you don't remember there names let alone their kids.

Words: 2610

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

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You look a bit of mess currently. You were sitting at home in your pj’s with about 20 pictures scattered around you and 20 pieces of paper. You looked like one of those crazy conspiracies theorists. When in reality you were only trying to learn your boyfriend's family’s names and likes, in preparation for Christmas of course. It was not going so well all you could remember was Saika was the eldest sister but which sister was she exactly? You looked between the two pictures on the table. None of the Aizawa’s age so that didn’t give away and you couldn’t remember if she had the long hair or the bob.

“God help me.” You mumbled with a sigh as you threw your head back. By some great miracle a phone call pulled you from the task. Surprised to see it was Aizawa you picked it up with a smile.

“Hey baby.” He said

“What’s up love? Aren’t you in class?” You said a tiny bit concerned.

“Should be but my mom’s going in for some emergency surgery, so me and my family are going up there.”

“Oh, are you alright?? Do you want me to come?” You rushed out to him

“No, and I’m fine. It’s a fairly low risk surgery from what I’m told. There is of course something you could do for me.” He said lowly

“And that would be?”

“My siblings need someone to watch their gremlins and I had the perfect person in mind.” He said with a light chuckle. You knew right away who this mysterious person was. Part of you wanted to say no because it was a lot of young kids but the other part of you knew you were gonna say yes. Even if he didnt say so, Aizawa was worried and he didn’t need to be stuck watching the kids, none of them did.

“Yes, of course! Tell your siblings to bring them to my place. I got a few toys from babysitting years ago.” You said getting up to get ready.

“You're a lifesaver.” He said fondly

“Says the hero, I love you babe, everything is gonna be fine and of course be safe.” You told him

“Love you more, kitty cat. You’ll be great, see you when I get home.” He said hanging up. Well now you were panicking. How many kids were there again? What about their parents? You couldn’t even remember their names. How are you supposed to greet them? Holy shit what did you get yourself into is all you could think as you rushed to clean your house. You were barely finished when the first knock came, you opened the door with a small smile.

“L/N!” A tall black haired man said. He looked like Shouta no doubt but he had an undercut and was taller.

“Please call me Y/N.” You smiled at him.

“Aww, you're too sweet! Seriously, how did Shouta end up with you?! Anyway, This is Haru and Jun, they are gonna be good little boys for you, right?” He paused as the boys nodded. “Thank you so much we should all be back to pick the kids at 10!” He said as he started to leave. You waved him off and showed the boys in.

“Alright! So I’ve got a few toys and I think i've got all the cartoon channels. I want to make sure we get all your cousins here first before we do something really fun.” You said to the little boys who immediately went to sit on your couch and watch the cartoons that were playing. You let out a huge sigh of relief. It was done prematurely as a knock at the door was heard. You opened it to reveal his two sisters which was which you didn't know.

“L/N you sweet little lifesaver! This is the rest of them except Rei, Daisuke, and Maki. They all walk together from school, we let them know to come here so don't worry about walking to go get them. Also, only two of them are still in diapers so you should be fine! Thank you so much, love.” The shorter one rushed out before she left, pulling her sister with her. You looked done at the baby that had somehow got into your hands. Alright this one was obviously in diapers, the one grasping on to your pant leg barely standing up was probably the other one in diapers. Okay you were now surrounded by um.. 6 six kids, maybe more you weren't sure.

“Okay, now that we're all here, wanna play a game? It's really fun I promise.” You said with a cute little smile but you were lying. You only wanted them to introduce themselves and say who their parents were. You had no idea how to make it fun.

“What kind of game?” A little girl asked, wait you knew this one! She was the only young girl when you first met all the siblings, it was Nozomi, right?

“A umm…. A… A scavenger hunt! Yeah! We're all gonna introduce ourselves and then get into groups by who your Mama's and Papa’s are and see who can find all the treasures first! Whoever wins gets a super cool prize.” You said hoping they didn't ask too many questions about the game you just made up. Which they didn't they all were giggling and saying incoherent things excited to play.

“We’ll go first since we're the oldest. Im Haru.” The tallest one with his hair pulled back into a ponytail said. “I is Jun! Our papa is Shiori! Can we play now??” The cute little blonde one said. Okay 2 down, Tall and hair pulled back is Haru, Small and blonde is Jun, they are both Shiori kids.

“Oh us next, us next! I'm Tetsuya, that's Umi, my lil sister, and Yukio is the one on your pants. My mama is Shizumi!” The boy said. He was a cute pudgy boy with black hair that covered his eyes. Umi, the little girl had her dark blue hair in two pigtails on top of her head. Lastly the little boy holding on to your pants also had black hair but it was super curly.

“L/N, Oni-chans at school and Taiyo is too small.” Nozomi said with teary eyes. Okay so the one in your hand is Taiyo, another one of Saika kids. Okay you got this. You made it through all 7 kids, you would worry about the 3 at school later.

“Its alright me and you can be a team okay?” You said as she beamed up at you nodding. Alright with that you went to place the sleeping Taiyo on your bed. You left the door open so you could hear if he started to cry or moved around too much. You took a sheet and made a makeshift sling for… Yukio, right!

“Okay so there are 3 hidden treasures around the house! One is a pink treasure chest filled with jewelry and prizes. The other is a huge blue fluffy whale, be careful it may bite! Lastly, there are 2 little lions wandering sound, we gotta catch. I'm gonna get you guys nets of course! First one to get all of these things and show me them gets a super cool prize!” You said as they erupted into cute tiny roars!

“Okay here are your nets! May the best team win!” You smiled at them as they took off. You felt a little bad for the Aizawa cats you had just set up to be chased but something told you they wouldn't mind. They were always so attention hungry this would probably please them.

“Okay then, lets go Nozomi!” You said grasping the young girl's hand. You knew where everything was of course so you just followed her around. Only helping her when you heard kids getting close to the hiding spots or helping her try to catch the cat. You guys had been playing for about an hour now, only needing to catch the cats who caught onto the game and were running for their lives.

“Kitty cat c’mere!” Jun said as he chased the gray cat around.

“Yeah! We jus wanna win.” Haru said following his brother. You laughed as the cat gently pawed at boys. Now that you were thinking about it there were so many boys in this family. Only 5 girls out of all these boys, Aizawa’s genes were strong for boys. You didn't get long to think before you saw a flash and heard a camera click. You turned to see 3 older children one with a camera.

“Oh man, Uncle Shouta is gonna be so happy.” The girl said with a smile. She looked to be about 12 and was blonde, if you had to guess she was Jun and Harus’s older sister. There were two boys next her one was probably the oldest of all the kids.

“Sorry for letting ourselves in, we were just knocking for a while and you didn't answer.” The older one said as they bowed.

“No no it's quite alright! Sorry for not answering, my hands are a little full!” You said as you had Taiyo still slung around your back and Umi squirming in your hands.

“Yeah, we can see that!”

“Daisuke! Rei! We gotta catch the kitties so I can win a prize.” Nozomi said, rushing off to her brothers. You made a mental note of who was who.

“Oh no problem! Uncle sho’s cats are easy to catch.” Rei said and he was right, you just had to know how. He went over to the counter and got the cat treats and sprinkled a few on the floor. The cats came running and began eating as fast as they could. He then took the blanket/net and put it over the 2 cats and picked them up, they compiled so easily it was almost comical.

“Oh! Yay! I wins right?? I get the prize!” She said dancing around you.

“Yes you do! I should go get dinner ready but you can pick anything you want to take home.” You said booping her nose. She did a little gig before taking off like she knew what wanted.

“Alright, who wants to help with dinner!” You called to the kids you roared with agreement, racing to the kitchen

“Oh you three would you mind helping and introducing yourselves?” You asked as you took out a few different ingredients.

“Oh yeah! No problem! Im Daisuke, the eldest of all the Aizawa’s cousins. First year in high school actually! This is my little brother Rei, he is a middle schooler. Then the girl snapping pictures is Maki-chan she’s the closest to my age! Oh, Saika is my mom and uncle Shiori is Maki’s dad. What can we do to help out.” He said with a smile.

“I think they said introduce yourself but whatever.” Maki mumbled kind of chest fallen. You only laughed and pointed out what they could do while you helped the kids and before long boom, dinner was done. You might have to convince Aizawa to have kids soon cause they were actually helpful. You all set the table and sat down to eat, almost forgetting about Nozomi.

“Can I have this!” She rushed to you holding a black cat plushie that had red eyes. Aizawa had given it to you when he went on a mission that pulled him from home for a month. You gave a small smile to her.

“Of course! I said you could have anything you wanted, I meant it. Let's eat right now then you can go snuggle and lay down.” You said moving to pick her up and help her to the table. Your table of course wasn't big enough so the big kids were in the living room, the younger kids ate with you and the babies you fed first were now napping. You let out a breath, it was 7:30. They should be done by 10:00 at the latest and the younger kids would be asleep by 8:30, so you could say you had this in the bag. Dinner was peaceful to your surprise and now you were all washing up and laying down on the makeshift beds you made in the living room. Maki was taking pictures as you had put all the younger children into your shirts, it was quite a sight to behold.

“Alright everyone lay down!” You yelled as you grabbed the youngest and began rocking him back and forth.

“We is ready” Umi said as she snuggled into her blankets

“Ready for what?” You asked cautiously.

“When we visit uncle Sho’ta he tells us ‘tories at nighty time.” Tetsuya slurred to you.

“Oh, okay then…. Um. Once upon a time there was a pretty Pink cat, who lived in a kingdom full of all kinds of cats. One day he got curious and left the safety of his kingdom. He went into a forest and everything was fine until he bumped into a big huge black wolf. He wanted to run back into the safety of his kingdom but the icy glare of the wolf kept him still. The wolf slowly opened its jaws…. Showing off its rows of bone crushing smile. The pink cat thought it was over for him until the Wolf smiled at him. ‘Your a little far from home, huh? Its okay I get lost sometimes! I can take you home.’ The wolf said, her tail starting to wag. The cat didn't know what made him say yes but he did. He continued to say yes time and time again, long after they had become friends. He said yes so many times to the cat he thought he might run out of yes’s to give. But when the wolf asked him to leave the safety of his kingdom behind and run around the world with him, though it frightened him. He said yes again without hesitation. And that's how the pretty pink cat learned to fly.” You said, it was a cheesy story with no real plot but it worked. You looked around to see everyone sleeping even the bigger kids. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You looked at the lot one more time before you went to work on something you had been meaning to all day. You continued to work on it even as 10 o’clock hit and you said goodbye to the kids one by one. Only stopping when a familiar set of hands wrapped around your waist.

“What’s this, kitty?” Aizawa asked as he kissed your neck sweetly.

“Ahh, nothing much! Just a family tree with pictures and the things about your family.” You said as you stated proudly at your work.

“Oh that's sweet. I saw the pictures Maki took and that you let Nozomi have your cat, I know it was special to you.” He said nuzzling further into your chest.

“It's fine, I told her she could have anything and to be honest, I'm wrapped around every single last one of them’s thumb and I would do anything for them so it really was nothing.” You said playing with his hands.

“God, I love you, how did I end up with you? I mean god I just love you. Let's get in bed. I wanna cuddle you, Right. Now.” He said turning you around and picking you up.

“Yes, sir.” You said clinging to him like a koala.

“Oh and babe, you got Shizumi and Saika mixed up.” He said into your hair.

“GOD DAMMIT”

#aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa x you #aizawa x reader #aizawa imagine #bnha aizawa #aizawa shouta #my hero academia aizawa #mha x reader #bhna x reader

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snarkwrites · 4 years

Note

so since i was given the permission to send you some ✨thots✨ for dazed and confused characters...i’m taking full advantage of that😏

however, this one i feel is not as spicy as some of the ones i send you, but jesus if i don’t want to make out with slater while at the moontower. maybe some high groping🤷‍♀️ you never know. THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS I LOVE YOU FOREVER - ❤️

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I could literally hug you so hard right now! I mean this! I absolutely love love love this movie and duh, slater is bae. <3 I have... definitely been feeling some kind of way about this ask you’ve sent, so.. Let’s get into this, shall we?

Warnings: Probably gonna get a lil handsy.. A lot of sloppy kissing, maybe a little grinding, mentions of weed/smoking joints and drinking.... Beyond all that, who knowssss. That being said, it’s still not advised for minors to read this, so if you chose to keep reading, you really can’t say I didn’t warn youuu.

Tagging: uhh.. I’m just going to throw random tags out here to @twistnet and @chasingeverybreakingwave because I have a feeling you two would like to see this? if not, feel free to ignore.

[ faq page | tag list doc ] ⇺ My tag list has moved / changed links. If you’d like to be on the new one, please go to the doc or let me know, I’ll more than happily add you!!

RON SLATER & moontower makeout;

Your brother absolutely hated Ron. And he was very,very,very overprotective when it came to you. Typical for Fred O’Bannion though, if one were to ask around your high school.

The last day of school came and literally all everyone was talking about was the party that night. You started off the morning just peachy -sarcasm intended here, when you somehow managed to collide with Ron in the hallway. Normally, he wouldn’t give you a second look. Mostly because of Fred, you suspected, but I digress. This time, he steadies you. And rather than step away from each other, you two wind up drifting closer together in the crowded hallway. He’s gazing down at you, calm and almost thoughtfully.

“Hey, you comin to the party later, sweetheart?” that lazy deep drawl was enough to have you squirming ever so slightly. Swallowing hard as you raised a hand to drag through your hair, holding his gaze. Pretending to think it over.

“Gee, I don’t know...”

“Aw, c’mon, sweetheart. You gotta! It’s gonna be bitchin.” Slater informed. The pleading look in his eyes didn’t go missed by you and it had you more than a little curious if you were to admit it. After a second or two, you smiled slowly. Nodding. “One condition.”

Sheesh, you were bold, asking a guy the grade above you for a condition to you attending this party, but... You were feeling some kind of way, so you went with the moment. Carpe diem and all that jazz. Anyway.

He chuckles. God the sound is both melodic and erotic. You bite your lip, still holding his gaze. He’s rubbing his chin thoughtfully, mulling it over for himself. Finally, that lazy grin. His hand raises, restling palm down against the locker, right above your head and he’s kinda leaning down and into you. “What’s the condition?”

“I kind of need to figure out a way to get there.” you admitted sheepishly. “My brother’s an ass, he’d never just willingly take me. He’d actually tell our parents if he even thought I was going to go...” you shuffled your feet, swallowing hard. Waiting on Ron to shoot you down, because that had to be what was coming, right?

Well, turns out, you were wrong.

He chuckles again. Nodding. An almost sage and wise beyond his years thoughtful look in his eyes. Almost like he was thinking. Then he steps even closer. “I’ll come back to meet ya. How’s that?”

You nodded and smiled. Told him which area of the building you’d be walking out of and you went ahead then and mentally prepared yourself to be stood up. Either he’d forget or he just wouldn’t show.

You were just about to walk away, but Ron caught up to you, tapping your shoulder. You turned around, smiling shyly up at him. "Yeah?" your stomach started to sink. Was he already changing his mind?

“Hey, I didn’t catch your name, sweetheart?” Slater asked, dragging thick digits through a long mane you'd secretly spent the entire year wanting to run your fingers through... Besides the point, but still.

Before you could actually tell him your name, your idiot older brother Fred did it for you, practically snapping at you angrily because you were talking to Ron Slater. After he'd told you more than a thousand times not to. Not wanting the bullshit involved with reminding your bull-headed older brother once again that you weren't a baby, you took a deep breath, massaging your temples. Rolling your eyes at your brother's general direction. "And there's my brother now. I'll see you later?" you asked Ron hopefully.

Ron gave a bright grin, giving you a thumbs up. And you hurried down the hall to your own homeroom but not before you heard your brother start running his mouth at Ron...

You grumbled to yourself as you stepped into class and took your seat. Resigning yourself to the fact that Ron wouldn't show this afternoon. If you wanted to go to the party, you'd have to just figure out another way.

TIME SKIP

The last bell sounded. Everyone piled out of their classrooms and into the hallway in a chaotic frenzy. Throwing notebooks, shoving and pushing for the nearest exit. You darted out of your classroom, ditching your notebooks for the year in a nearly full bin as you went. Arms shot out and wrapped around your hips and you were pulled into a quieter hallway. Body to body with Slater. He already smelled a little like his smoke of choice and his eyes were a little red. But he was here, waiting. Just like he said he'd be.

Pink wandered past, gazing at you two. Chuckling as he called out to Slater casually, "Better watch your ass, man. O'Bannion is on the warpath now, seein as how you punched his lights out earlier."

You gazed up at Ron, trying not to laugh.

"You punched my idiot brother? Why?"

Ron shrugged. Grumbled something about him being tired of Fred fucking O'Bannion telling him who he could and couldn't talk to. Then his eyes settled on you and that lazy grin started to fill his face all over again. "He's been ridin my ass all year, sweetheart. Because he knows I like you and it pisses him off."

You gulped. Brain desperately trying to process what Ron Slater just told you. Giggling like an idiot and unable to resist the urge to cozy up to him just a bit as you rose to tiptoe, your lips against his ear. "I like you too, Ron. A lot, actually."

"Sweet." he chuckled. Wrapping an arm around you while you were pressed against him. Muttering quietly, "You ready to get outta here? I've seen enough of this fuckin place."

"Yeah, gladly."

TIME SKIP AGAIN

You'd been riding around with Slater and his friends all afternoon. After the party got cancelled at one area, someone suggested just throwing it out at the Moontower.

At one point, you got split up from Ron and his friends, but you met up with a girl down the street from you, Clarissa. And you rode around with her and the girls she was riding around with. They all stopped at the rec center and that's where you met up with a slightly tipsy and very handsy Ron Slater for the third time that day. He saw you coming in and you heard him say loudly -and drunkenly, "Be right back. My girl just walked in."

Pink snickered and taunted Ron, "You better watch out man. O'Bannion even thinks you two are a thing, he's gonna go nuclear."

"F-Fuck him, man." Slater drawled, walking over to greet you. Lifting you off the ground in a hug, squeezing you against him like he hadn't seen you in ten years instead of the hour it'd been since you'd last seen each other.

Across the rec center, Wooderson and Pink were teasing out loud and cat calling. Clapping.

Ron broke the hug, standing you back on your feet all the way. Staring down at you as his hands skimmed your sides, settling on your hips. "Y-you're stayin with me, princess. Okay?"

You blushed and bit your lip to stop yourself from whimpering. If you thought you'd gotten wet earlier in the afternoon when you two were sharing a joint and he pulled you right into his lap, inhaling and letting you breath it in and then inhaling from you when you exhaled, your mouths nearly brushing and getting closer with each second... You were wrong.

Because now you were pretty much flooded. And full of thoughts. He'd been a gentleman. Hadn't tried to really pull any fast moves on you at all. Affectionate and handsy then, yeah? But not over the top. Or just assuming he could touch you / do whatever he wanted to you and you... absolutely adored that about him, even if you were literally DYING for him to kiss you and grope you... Among other things.

But now.. Oh god, now. He was a little tipsier than he'd been high earlier. And that affectionate handsiness was more frenzied. Needy. Like he wanted you so badly he couldn't keep his hands off.

You absolutely loved it.

Jodi and Clarissa called out to you, asking if you wanted to leave to go to a drive in with them to get some food, but you waved them off. Smiling as you cozied up to Slater, who slipped his arms around you and called out with a laugh, "I'm k-keepin her, okay?"

Your friends left, leaving you alone with Slater again. And a few minutes later, you two decided to grab a ride with Pink and Mitch over to the Moontower, for the party.

TIME SKIP... AGAIN.

The party was over. Everyone had pretty much gone home. Given that your mother thought you were spending the night with Clarissa, since you'd told her so earlier that afternoon, you really didn't have a curfew. So you and Slater were cozied up at the top platform of the Moontower, lying on your backs, gazing up at the sun as it started to come up. He still hadn't kissed you and you were literally dying for it to happen. He must have been too, because one minute he was telling you his theory on George Washington and the aliens, the next you were settling yourself on top of him, staring down at his lips. He gave a lazy grinning yawn and wrapped his arms around you. Your mouths just barely grazed. You couldn't take it anymore. You rubbed yourself against him a little and something snapped in him. His hands started to roam up and down your back. Stopping under your ass, squeezing. Grinding you right against him. You could feel him straining through his jeans and you sucked in a deep breath. He gave a lazy chuckle, gazing up at you thoughtfully. You rubbed against him yet again and he moaned out quietly, "Somethin ya want, sweetheart?"

"You." you muttered quietly. Your answer seemed to make him come even further undone, because he was really grabbing hold of your ass now. Rubbing you against the bulge formed and straining at his jeans just a little more with each passing second. "I've been dyin to do this, princess." he drawls out in that deep lazy husk as his mouth finally connects with yours. His lips latching onto your bottom lip, the pressure in the kiss making you whimper, the sound swallowed as his tongue flicks out and darts between your lips. You whine impatiently and he chuckles, the kiss deepening. He raises to sit and you wrap your legs around his waist, squeezing. Rocking yourself over his bulge. His hands move slowly over your curves. One settles in your hair. Tangling in a handful at the back of your head, pulling your mouth against his even deeper still. You're lightheaded; you almost can't breathe but you don't want to break the kiss. When his mouth drifts away from yours, you shiver as you feel him tilt your head. Leaving your neck totally open for the taking. His lips move over your throbbing pulse, leaving a line of soft bites and hickies too large to possibly even attempt hiding on their path down. You drag your fingers through his hair, your mouth ghosting over the side of his neck, marking him up also.

The sun's just starting to rise in the sky and it's early morning. You wind up falling asleep, bodies entangled, Slater's fingers dragging through your hair lazily.

What a night....

#Anonymous

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theonewiththefanfics · 5 years

Text

Touch (one-shot)

Synopsys: There was a time Bucky hated touch. He hated to be touched and to touch. Not anymore. Now things are different. And as the snow slowly covers New York, Bucky thinks of how he got to that point.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Genre: fluffffff, lil bit of angst as insecure and guilty Bucky

Warnings: swearing, suggestive stuff, Bucky feelin low at points and insecure (yes, that is a fucking warning)

Word count: 5517

Bucky loved touch.

He used to hate it, given how any time for the past seventy years touch meant harm, excruciating pain and torture. And not just it being inflicted upon him by his captors. Sometimes he was on the delivering end.

But he loved it now, just like he loved the early mornings of New York when the city still somewhat slept, and he could just watch the twinkling lights flicker through the pale curtains.

Now, everything was covered in a layer of snow. The sky looked lighter, despite the fact that it was 5 AM, but each flake reflected the beams of the city, encasing it in a warm white blanket.

He loved the touch of snow. It was cold, but not an angry cold. It was the kind of cold that reminded him of her feet stuck under his back in the middle of the night or the kind of cold that he felt on his lips as he leaned down to kiss her frigid nose. It was a safe cold. A loving one.

It hadn’t come easy though – getting to the point where he didn’t wince when someone clapped on his shoulder, or be the one to seek out someone’s hand, let alone initiate a hug or bring her in for a kiss.

It was Tony’s funeral of all places where everything had started. Sam was talking with Steve as his best friend passed on the mantle of Captain America. In a way, Bucky was glad it hadn’t been him. He didn’t feel like he deserved it, nor did he feel like he could carry such amount of responsibility. Not then at least.

He turned around, head tilted downwards as he watched pine needles crunch under his feet when another pair came in view. Bucky instantly recognised her.

Y/E/C eyes met his blue ones, and although there wasn’t much physical resemblance of her father, Y/N carried herself in the same suave way, and her gaze always glinted with knowledge and mischief. Now her eyes were rimmed with red.

“I uh,” she started before clearing her throat. “I wanted to say thank you for coming. He’d… he would’ve really appreciated it.”

Bucky almost choked on the sudden tears, and he shook his head. Throughout the whole funeral, he’d barely kept it together, as waves and waves of guilt rolled around. “Y/N, I don’t think anyone would want the murderer of their paren-“

She shook her head in dismissal not letting him finish the sentence. “He forgave you. A long time ago. In fact, I don’t think you were the one that hurt him the most. Dad was a lot of things… but despite what many believe, when he found out he was wrong, it wasn’t hard for him to admit it.”

Bucky swallowed hard. He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness and mercy, he should be begging her to believe how truly and utterly sorry he was.

“I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t come up with anything else. Because there was nothing else to say. Nothing he’d do would ever bring Tony back, and nothing he’d say would ever bring Tony back. He was just stuck in a loop of grief, guilt and sorrow, and would never get out of it.

Maybe that’s what he deserved, Bucky thought to himself, maybe that was his punishment for Tony sacrificing his life only so he could live.

“Anyway, I found this while going through his stuff…” Y/N handed him a little flash drive taking Bucky out of that wallowing pit. “I really think you need to see it.”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked at Y/N as she wiped away tears. “What’s on it?”

She shook her head. “It's not my place to tell,” and gently she took Bucky’s still open palm and closed his fingers around the little device. “Please,” Y/N sniffled looking from their clasped hands back up at him and gave Bucky a tight smile. “Don’t be a stranger. I’d love to get to know you.”

And then she left. Her black trench coat billowed around her in the soft spring wind. He watched as she picked her sister up in her arms, and Morgan’s little legs and hands wrapped around Y/N in a secure hug. Brown eyes met Bucky, and a little hand raised in a wave. He waved right back.

That night he went to the hotel the Stark’s had so generously placed everyone who had been decimated and newly brought back or who had arrived at Tony’s memorial. Most of them didn't have a place to stay. Bucky was one of them.

He felt Sam approach before his strong hand clapped on his right shoulder.

“You gonna be okay?”

Bucky nodded. “It’s just been a long day.”

A deep hearty chuckle, that had an underlying layer of exhaustion reverberated through the quiet hallway. “You can say that… If you need anything just knock. I’ll probably be up until whenever…”

Sam wasn’t one to really talk about his emotions, but Bucky knew he felt just as much guilt as he did. Maybe not as much, but he could see that emotions and words left unsaid, weighed on his friend’s shoulders.

Sam's door clicked shut, and only then did Bucky turn to his own, swiping the key card, and letting the small happy beep announce that it was open. He stripped off his jacket, combat boots and jeans. Unlike Y/N, he didn’t think Tony would have wanted him there, that’s why he wasn’t in a suit. It had been a last-minute decision when he realized there would never be a time, he’d be able to apologize to the billionaire. Not anymore. So, the least he could do was show respect by supporting the people he’d loved more than anything.

In a black tank top and boxers, Bucky plopped down onto the hotel bed and sighed, looking up at the ceiling. For a good couple of minutes, he stared at it, trying to find answers to unanswerable questions, but once he figured, unless the walls started talking there would be none, he grabbed the jacket and pulled out the flash drive Y/N had given him.

Not only had the whole Stark family been generous enough to grant him a place to stay until they figured out further accommodations, but they’d also given him anything he wanted or needed. A computer had been one of the things. He hadn’t requested it, but Pepper refused him refusing.

“If only to quench the boredom,” the redhead has smiled and slipped the slim rectangle in his hands along with a phone, credit card and a notebook. The last thing was already almost half-filled.

There was no password necessary as the computer camera scanned his facial features and granted him access. He plugged the flash drive in. Only one file resided on it.

With bated breath, he clicked on it. The second he saw Tony, Bucky sat up straighter.

“Hey… Hi… Bucky… I don’t know if you’ll ever see this because… well, because you’re dead,” Tony let out a bitter chuckle. “And I should be happy about it. I feel like I should. But I’m not. I’m not happy about any of this. There’s not much to celebrate nowadays." There was a slight pause as Tony bit his lip and smiled. It looked like he almost didn't want to, but he couldn't help himself. In a moment, Bucky understood why.

“My daughter was born today. My second kiddo. Her name’s Morgan… probably the greatest day of my life… it would be the second greatest had I been able to see Y/N be born, but I gotta do with what I’m given.”

He shook his head and waved a hand around, “I guess that’s why I’m making this. Also, because my therapist said it might help, but I think it’s because of what happened today… I don’t want to live with all of this weighing on me. Ever since that whole thing in Siberia, this has been the one thing on my mind I haven’t been able to push away into some dark corner with the rest of my problems…” he looked up at the camera as if he could see Bucky. “You can’t blame me for how I reacted. You can’t tell me that I was wrong in how I dealt with everything… but you can tell me that I should’ve given you a bit of time to explain yourself.

I know this will sound like an excuse, but the only thing I was thinking was – he already took away the people I love, so I won’t let him take what little I’ve got left… I know how unfair it is… was… but I hope you understand…”

Bucky let a tear freely flow over his scruffy cheek as he nodded. He did. He’d do the same if he had a family. Without. A. Question.

“But here’s the thing,” Tony sighed and looked to the side. “I can’t change the past… not what happened with my parents, not what happened with Thanos… I can’t do anything to bring you all back. And then I started thinking – what if I could go back far enough that I could save you?”

The super-soldier almost felt his heart stop at the thought of Tony risking his life just to save his.

“What if I was able to save you before any of this happened? And I pondered it for quite a while. All of those what-ifs and such… and I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t. And I know it sounds horrible, but here’s the thing, if I did – I wouldn’t have become the man I am today. There would be no Iron Man, no Stark Industries as they are now, and I wouldn’t have Pep or Y/N or now Morgan… I would've never have become an Avenger if things were even remotely different. I’m not saying it’s easy to come to the terms that it wasn’t you who did that… but I’m saying that every single piece has led me to where I am now. And that also includes you. And if you’re even a little bit like me, which from dad’s stories, I think you are, I know how you’re feeling, so I just want you to know that I forgive you, Bucky. For everything. I read some of your file and yeah…” he dragged a hand down his face. “Fuck man… I get it… I understand it…”

Bucky could see in Tony’s face that he truly did understand. He had been kidnapped and held captive as well. He knew what it was like to do things against his own will and be betrayed by humanity. Hell, he had been betrayed by someone he had considered family.

“And I want you to know I’m sorry too. It’s hard. Knowing everything you ever thought is a lie. I blamed my dad for most of my life for what happened when instead I should’ve been blaming someone else... HYDRA fucked us both over, didn’t they?”

Bucky choked back a sob. “Yeah, they did.”

The high-pitched wail of a child cut through Tony’s words, and he looked at the camera with a soft and genuine smile. “I gotta go, Maguna’s calling. But yeah… I guess that’s all I wanted to say. But if I could ask of you one thing – if you’re watching this, most likely I’m not there to tell this to you in person, so just… take care of them, please. My girls. They’re the one thing in this world that I have left.” And with a delicate smile Tony said ‘bye’, and the screen turned to black.

Bucky cried that night and the following morning. He curled up in his bed and sobbed until he couldn’t breathe, and then he took a warm bath and cried some more with his knees pulled up to his chest and hands in his hair.

That day he cut the long tresses off. It was sloppy and uneven, but it felt good. Like he was letting go of all of the guilt and pain, and he was finally forgiving himself. Sam wasn’t half bad at evening everything out.

That same day he went over to the lake house Pep and Morgan still resided in. As did Y/N.

“She’s in the basement,” Pepper nodded towards a set of stairs and readjusted how her daughter sat on her hip. “She’s been working on one of Tony’s unused patents. Something with nanotech and neurology.”

“Smart girl,” he mumbled and tickled the little sock-clad feet of Morgan, who giggled and tucked her face in her mother’s hair.

Pep laughed and patted Morgan's back. “Just like her dad. Hasn’t even taken a break since last night… would you be so kind and maybe bring her lunch? I just made some lasagna, which you’re more than welcome to as well.”

Without a second to spare, Bucky plated some food, ready to bring Y/N the much-needed fuel. He would’ve left without taking a bite for himself, but Pepper’s disapproving gaze told him he didn’t have a choice.

“No, DUM-E!” he heard her exclaim as he balanced the two portions in his hands. “Fuck, why do you even have that function? You do that again, and I’ll donate you to a community college. Dad didn’t go through with it, but I will; mark my words!”

Metal elbow knocked against the glass door, and it made her spin around.

“Sorry for interrupting,” Bucky apologized in a quiet voice. Rock music had been turned on a low hum, and goggles sat perched on Y/N’s nose before she removed them and beckoned him inside not even glancing in his direction. He heard the band sing something about teenagers and having the living shit scared out of them by them. He chuckled, thinking that teenagers were the least horrifying things on the planet.

“Don’t worry. It’s not something that can’t wait a bit,” she pulled off two heavy-set gloves and threw them onto the table, and immediately stumbled back a bit as her eyes befell on Bucky. “Sorry, I just... you look very different without the uh,” she waved at his head.

“Yeah, I uh, cut it off.”

Y/N snorted and turned back to whatever she had been fixing, pushing a piece of paper away. “I noticed. Oh, shit, sorry,” she motioned to how he was still holding the food and took one of the plates. “You made this?”

“Uh, no. Pepper did. Said you hadn’t eaten in ages and asked to bring you down something.”

She rolled her eyes but gave him a small smile as a thanks and put the plate on the table. “I’m not that bad. I just got carried away.”

He did it without a warning. Bucky just stepped forward as she rambled on about finding some clean forks when he grabbed her by the writs and pulled the woman in his chest. It was the first time he made the first move to hug someone. He pulled Y/N against him and pressed his face in the crook of her neck, muttering never-ending apologies and promises to keep her, Morgan and Pep safe just as her father had asked him to do. She didn’t respond, just wove her own hands around his shoulders and soothed him until he could form a coherent sentence.

Thumbs roughened by battles she should've never been involved in and manual labor because, just like Tony, she always had to be tinkering with something, wiped away tears. “It’s okay,” Y/N whispered. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

He pulled in a shuddering breath. “I just needed you to know.”

“I do,” Y/N smiled at him. “And so does he. Now… food?”

After that, he really kept his promise. He didn’t have any external threats to really worry about that could harm Y/N, Pep or Morgan, but Tony’s eldest daughter could be a menace to herself, so Bucky was sure to supply her with water and food and overall company.

They talked about everything under the Sun. Mostly everything beyond the Sun, as he was a huge space nerd, and even in her contacts Y/N had named him ‘Bonky-the-space-Boi’. He’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t flutter every time she sent him a meme or a NASA article while sitting right beside him.

“Maybe you could ask Carol to take you with her when she visits next,” Y/N suggested, chowing down on some duck gyoza and soy sauce. “See the universe for yourself.”

And Bucky had thought of it. He’d met her at Tony’s funeral as well, and had fallen in a two-hour conversation with the woman because there was going to be no meteoroid left unturned. Not when he had the expert available for him. But he shook his head.

“I don’t think I’d be able to stay away for that long.”

“From what? Earth?” Y/N quirked her eyebrow up.

“No, Earth I could live without…”

“Then what?”

“You.”

It was so simple, a single word, yet it held so much weight to it. And at first, Y/N was going to say, if it was because of that promise he’d made to her dad, Bucky had nothing to worry about, but she didn’t. Because in his eyes she could see - that wasn’t it. She could see that when he said ‘you’, he meant that he wouldn’t be able to live a day without her. That any moment she wasn't in his life, was dull and bleak.

Y/N cleared her throat, put down her chopsticks and took Bucky’s hand in hers, slowly intertwining their fingers. “Well… if you do uh decide to visit space someday… I wouldn’t mind going with…”

Bucky swore when she looked at him, all the stars dimmed in shame from just how much her eyes sparkled.

He had asked her out that evening. With half-said words and pieces of rice still stuck in his throat, he had mumbled out something along the lines of ‘would you ever consider going on a date with me’, and Y/N had shaken her head and returned to her food with an ‘I already thought this was a date’.

Still to this day both of them continued to argue when did their relationship truly start – the evening in the basement when they’d confessed their feelings, or the following week when he’d taken her to a quaint little Italian place in Brooklyn; where they’d sat in a corner booth and shared two pizzas.

Bucky said it was the latter. Because it was also the evening when they’d first kissed. She had been the one to initiate it. They were on their way to the Avenger’s tower which had been rebuilt in the memory of her father and to house the new generation of Earth’s mightiest heroes as well. It was also where Bucky resided.

“Do you not want to kiss me?” she asked, chuckling before he could even say a thing. He could hear there was no hurt in her tone, and his breathing evened out a bit, knowing she wasn’t offended. “’ Cause I see you keep glancing at my lips, and I’m just waiting for you to make a move, but any time I try to look at you, you look away.”

Bucky gave her an apologetic smile and squeezed the hand he was holding in his won. “I don’t think it’s too shocking if I say I haven’t kissed anyone since the forties, so ‘m sorry that I’m a bit nervous.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Y/N brought one of her hands to his cheeks, and he practically melted. “There’s nothing wrong with being nervous. I’m nervous too. You just gotta talk to me, ‘cause your eyes are saying one thing, but you’re doing another. I just wanna know if we’re both on the same page… I don’t mind waiting.”

Bucky’s eyes softened at her words. “Really?”

“Of course,” she scoffed as if him doubting that, was the most offensive thing in this world to her. “I want this to be enjoyable for both of us, and putting you in a situation you don’t wanna be in, is not how to achieve that.”

With every passing second, Bucky’s heart beat harder and harder, and despite him giggling, he was terrified to the core. “So, if I said I wanted to kiss you now?”

Y/N shrugged as if she wasn’t about to leap out of her skin from the anticipation. “I’d say I’d be more than up for it. I did say I don’t mind waiting, not that I want to.”

Bucky’s core was shaking as he leaned in. He rested his forehead against hers; her beanie scratched against his skin, but he didn’t mind it much. He didn’t even mind the first flakes of snow that covered the November swept Central Park.

“You gonna kiss me, Buck, or just stare into my eyes?” Y/N teased him, her breath fanning over his face in a white cloud. It smelled of the sweet red wine both of them had drunk. He couldn't wait to taste it on her lips. Never in his life did he think he'd be jealous of a wine glass, but that night he had been.

“I could stare into your eyes forever.”

She snorted. “You’re such a sap… but I kinda like it.”

Bucky smiled as wide as his cheeks would allow before slipping one of his hands to rest on Y/N’s waist and the other cupped her autumn-air touched cheek.

The kiss was more than he ever could have hoped for. It was sweet and short, but it filled Bucky’s soul to the brim. He didn’t know if he believed in souls or God, not after what had happened to him, but what he did believe in is that there was a person out there that was meant just for him.

Not a soulmate that would complete him like a missing puzzle piece, but someone that made him strive to be a better person, someone that would bring only the good out in him and the bad parts… they’d accept and help him find a way to shape them into something worth living for. With that one kiss, Bucky was one hundred percent sure he’d found her.

Y/N pulled back, eyes still closed and a wide smile on her face, and Bucky watched her face intently. “Not bad,” she muttered, “for someone who hasn’t kissed anyone in like eighty years. But you could use some practice.”

Bucky’s whole chest exploded with warmth. “Yeah. And are you offering to be the teacher?”

She opened her Y/E/C eyes and gazed at him; lips pulled in a teasing smirk. “For a good price.”

“And that would be?”

“Another kiss,” her mouth skimmed over his. This time Bucky was the one to press his lips against hers first.

Now any time he wanted affection he’d gently come to Y/N, though never if she’d slipped into work, and he’d lean down to her ear and whisper his wish. He wanted to be respectful of her space and boundaries much like she was of his. Sometimes he still whisked his hand away from her if she touched him a bit too quickly and unexpectedly. Once he’d realize what had happened, he’d inch his fingers along Y/N’s forearm and intertwine them.

‘Sorry,’ he’d say with a squeeze of his hand.

‘Me too,’ she’d squeeze right back with an apologetic smile.

So, he always had to make sure she wanted his affection.

“Bucky, you never have to ask if you can kiss me or hug me,” she responded one late evening as she pecked his lips and rested her back against his chest. Brooklyn Nine-Nine played in the background. “I always want to kiss you and hug you.”

And although he tried to settle it in his mind, that he needn’t question whether she wanted him, because for some weird (in his mind) reason Y/N wanted him in every way, there was a thing he wanted a solid confirmation on.

“Can we sleep together?” his question came out as an uncertain whisper, voice trembling.

Y/N chuckled as Jake Peralta smashed through the window from a zipline and busted the bad guys. “Of course,” she said. “I kinda expected you to stay over. It’s snowing like crazy right now.” And it was. Behind the window of her house, an actual blizzard raged on. Pep and Morgan were out of town for that weekend visiting her side of parents. Y/N had insisted they stay over there and had actually threatened Happy if he tried to even sit in a car. She wasn’t going to let anyone get hurt. Besides, Christmas was in two days. They’d all make it back just in time.

“I wasn’t gonna let you drive in this kind of weather,” Y/N said, trying to reassure Bucky that he was more than welcome to snuggle up with her and spend the night. But it wasn’t what he was asking.

“No, I meant can we… sleep together?”

Instantly, her head went to the side only to see him looking at his lap. Her heart stuttered in her chest, not just at the thought that Bucky wanted her in that kind of a way, but because he asked. Because he wanted to know if she was ready to be intimate with him to the highest degree.

“Bucky,” she lifted his face so their eyes could meet. “Do you want to have sex with me?”

There was no judgement of having asked that question, there was no mockery of him being shy and scared to bring it up. All he could see was Y/N making sure he was certain in what he asked. He fell a little more in love with her.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I think – I know, I’m ready. I wanna be with you… in every possible way… do you want to?”

She nodded her head maybe a bit too eagerly, but there was no shame in it. “As long as you’re completely sure.”

�� Bucky knew there was nothing in this world he was more certain of.

Y/N switched off the TV and rose from the couch, her hand extended for him to grab. Both of them were filled with nerves and excitement as she led him through the house, up the stairs and to her room. Fairy lights had been left on just so she wouldn’t have to walk inside a pitch-black room, but unintentionally it created the perfect mood – gentle, kind and trusting.

“Guide me, Bucky,” she kissed right below his ear and wove her hands around his middle. “I want you to tell me and show me what you like.”

His touches started out trembling, slow and unsure, but soon enough, as he moved Y/N’s hands and allowed himself to show her mouth where he liked to be caressed the most, they became greedy and demanding.

They demanded to feel more of her, so he removed the shirt that had been covering her body, they were hungry to roam over her skin, so both flesh and metal slipped across every curve and dip in their way, eagerly memorizing how she shuddered and responded, how she became pliable in his fingers.

He didn’t know that it was Stark who years ago had sent over to Wakanda his nanotech patent, so Shuri could one day implement it in his arm. He didn’t know Y/N had been doing the final tweaks before Bucky was called over to the other country on the same day he’d made the promise to keep her safe. He didn’t know it was because of Tony he was able to touch and feel and relish in being touch and felt. But the day he found out about it, he swore all over again to never let go of his word.

Their first time had been soft and tender and filled with reassurances and breathless love confessions. When Y/N had touched the shoulder where his metal arm connected to real flesh, Bucky almost started crying. Her nails were digging into the scarred flesh much like his own had at one point, but they weren't trying to pry that horrid silver appendage that he once owned away. HYDRA had had to restrain him in the chair and sedate him to repair the damage he’d done to their newest weapon. Bucky had practically ripped his arm off anew that time leaving his skin in bloody scraps. But Y/N was holding onto him like if she didn’t, she’d be the one to fall apart, that somehow someone would rip her away from him, and there was no way she would allow that to happen. She bit down on the joint as she came soothing the sting with her tongue.

That night (or rather that morning), after they’d tried every possible position before Y/N had exhausted all of her energy, Bucky watched her sleep on his chest, her right palm cradling his left shoulder. She let out a small snore and furrowed her eyebrows. Whatever she was dreaming about, she was not agreeing with it. Bucky huffed and pushed away a sweaty strand of hair from her forehead. Instantly the lines between her brows disappeared.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered as the Sun slowly rose. He thought his only witness had been the quiet of her room, but the small ‘I love you too’ proved him wrong.

Bucky had never been the white-picket-fence kind of a guy, not even before the war. And he wasn’t one either now. But he did want a family, he did want to belong somewhere... with someone. And he’d found that with Y/N.

What had started off as a promise to her father, had morphed into a vow to himself. Bucky looked over to his left where Y/N had her head resting on a white cloud of a pillow, Y/H/C hair sprawled all across it.

Three years later to the day, with Christmas fast approaching, they found themselves in the exact same position as they had been in her house, this time, in the Avenger’s tower. Their frames were covered by the fluffiest and warmest duvet ever known to humanity. Bucky wouldn't allow anything less. ‘I’ll keep her safe,’ his thoughts rang, ‘because I love her’.

It was as if she could feel him thinking. Two Y/E/C eyes blearily blinked open, trying to focus in on Bucky. “You okay?” she whispered sighing and rolling closer to snuggle deeper into his chest. She shivered when his metal hand trailed down her naked spine. “Nightmares?”

“No.”

“Then why are you up at,” she leaned over to his side where the clock sat, “5:30 in the morning?”

“Jus’… thinking.”

She raised her eyebrow but didn’t pry. Bucky would tell her in his own time. “You should get some sleep,” Y/N rested back into his side. “You won’t be able to get any until he turns eighteen.”

Bucky let out a soft laugh and allowed a warm hand to weave away from her waist to her stomach. “I think you’re the one that needs sleep the most.”

Instantly Y/N winced and glanced down. “Yeah, well I woke up because you woke up, and now I’m up because someone likes to fucking assault my bladder. I swear he already loves you more than me.”

Bucky chuckled and slipped under the covers. If he wasn’t dead tired, he would’ve taken Y/N for another round, especially as he gazed over her bare chest. But he didn’t. Instead, he pressed a kiss to her round belly and addressed the person growing inside there. “Hey, Anthony, please let your mom sleep. You know she needs it. It’s how she’s keeping you safe and strong.”

“You do too,” Y/N whispered holding Bucky’s cheek in her palm once he emerged. “We’re both in this together, you know.”

If this had been the first time, she’d ever said those words, he was sure he would’ve cried. He had cried. Nobody in his life had trusted him to the degree Y/N did. Not to love or keep or hold or touch.

“You already do, Bucky,” she had wiped his tears away the day she told him he was going to be a father. “Every day you keep Pep and Maguna safe. You keep me safe… you’ve kept your promise… you’ve always taken care of us… what makes you think this will be different?” a small laugh escaped her when he finally smiled. “We’re in this together. You and me. We’ll figure it out. You'll keep them safe too.”

They still hadn’t grasped everything, not fully at least; every day was filled with new challenges and obstacles, but if there was one thing Bucky always had, it was Y/N’s touch to guide him.

With a hand on her huge stomach and a kick from their boy against Bucky’s palm, he fell asleep cocooned in the warmth of their bed with the soft winter layer protecting New York.

Y/N laid her palm over his. Yeah, Bucky loved touch.

P.S. Thirteen-years-later Bucky could finally understand why teenagers were scary.

Tags (crossed out wouldn't take):

Bucky tag list: @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @mrsalh32611 @horrorx570ximagines @the-nargles-made-me-do-it @pooslie @itsisabelanotisabella @httpmcrvel @purplebananatragedy @pxrrishly @parker-barnes-af @skulliebythesea @california-grown @stevehesaidabadlanguageword @belongsto-prachi @hello-i-am-insane

Marvel tags: @nerissa98 @happyseagrill @asguardiansoftheavengers @crazybutconfidentaf @wishingforahome @pizzarollpatrol @desir-ae

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28

A/N: woo, am I on a roll! All this Seb content is giving me life! I might have something for Star Wars with Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo that I’m thinking of writing since I’ve seen the movie now :)

P.S. what did ya think?

P.S.S. my tags are always open :)

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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 4 years

Text

for those of you who wanted to read the like, 4k words/chapter and a half of the “maybe it’s just us” sequel (i titled it “the road from where we been to where we’re going” in case you were curious) i started two years ago and then abandoned, here you go. i did not edit it, so what you see is what you get (not that that’s any different from anything else i’ve ever written in my life ig):

Chapter 1

You are You

Carol

“I can't change her, she's doing the thing,” Daryl said anxiously over the sound of high-pitched infant cries.

“What thing?” asked Carol. Her body was spent; she couldn't remember the last time she was this tired. She was sore, stitched, and her insides were trying to remember how to take care of one instead of two. From over in the corner, Daryl had their daughter on her back on a desk that was functioning as a makeshift changing table, and from the sounds of it, neither of them were doing that well.

“That flailin’ thing with her arms. She thinks she's fallin’. Shh, shh, baby, it's okay, I ain't gonna drop you, please don't cry.” His voice was so tense and scared, and Carol felt guilty for smiling, thankful his back was to her.

“She's fine, Daryl, why do you think she thinks she's falling?”

“'Cause it's true,” Daryl insisted. “Glenn—there you go, lil’ one, we got that on you, now lemme just figure out all these damn snaps—Glenn told me about it. It's some reflex babies have. When they flail their arms like this it means they think they're fallin’. Sarah even said so, so I know it ain't bullshit—goddamn, why is this thing so hard to snap? Baby, if you stopped kickin’ your legs so much, we'd be done already.”

“You aren't allowed to spend time alone with Glenn anymore,” Carol said, as Daryl finished torturing their child (or was she torturing him?). She took Rose from him and tucked her into the crook of her arm.

Carol hadn't really processed it yet. This baby that had been inside her for the past nine months had been out in the world with them for hours now, and she wasn't convinced it was real.

From the moment she peed on that stick and it glared positive, to as recently as 24 hours ago, Carol hadn't allowed herself to believe that this could possibly end well. She was too old, she figured, too stressed, too downright unlucky. When Daryl told her he wanted to keep the baby, she'd almost been angry; she'd hoped he'd make the hard decision so she wouldn't have to, and when he didn't, she found she couldn't either. How could she look him in the face and say, 'I want to get rid of it,’ when he had so much faith in their ability to do this?

And now they had a baby. In Carol's arms, Rose whimpered, sticking her thumb in her mouth and suckling.

She looked nothing like Sophia. If Carol had a baby picture of Sophia—which, of course, she didn't—and held it up to Rose, she bet no one in a million years would have ever guessed they were sisters. Everything of Carol's that Sophia had, Rose had the opposite. Sophia had had Carol's eyes; Rose had Daryl's. Sophia had had Ed's nose; Rose had hers. There was nothing familiar about looking at Rose, as Carol had both feared and hoped. She had wondered if meeting her new child would be like seeing a ghost, and she almost wished for it, if only because she wanted to see Sophia again.

But Rose wasn't Sophia, and she made sure to demonstrate that clearly. Sophia had been meek and quiet, even as an infant, but Rose was not remotely shy about letting them know when she was displeased.

Like right now, for example, as her tiny whimpers around her thumb turned into full-blown wails. Daryl tensed beside them on the bed.

“What's wrong?” he asked. He had asked that about every new noise Rose had made since birth. He was so much a new parent that Carol would have found it endearing if she weren't so tired.

Rose had tricked them. Just as exhausted as Carol, she had spent her first few hours on the planet in a deep sleep, lulling them into a sense of calm, even granting Carol a bit of a nap, but the second she woke up, she was ready to make demands.

“She's hungry,” Carol said. She'd attempted to get Rose to nurse earlier, but the baby had trouble latching, and was too tired to try that hard, and she was paying for it now, clearly having woken up with an empty belly. Carol maneuvered herself so she could offer her breast to Rose. She moved Rose's hand out of the way, and tried to get her to seek out Carol on her own, but instead she just cried and brought her thumb back to her mouth.

“You can't eat and suck your thumb at the same time,” Carol said, trying not to get frustrated.

When Sophia was born, she had rested on Carol's chest, skin-to-skin, and had latched perfectly on her own within the hour, and it had been a precious bonding moment—a precious bonding moment that Rose was adamantly refusing to have, despite her obvious hunger.

“C'mon kid, this ain't a five star restaurant, you don't get to be choosey,” Daryl said, rubbing Rose's back. Rose screamed bloody murder in response.

“It's right there, if you'd stop crying long enough to see it,” Carol said, trying and failing to not think about how Sophia had snuggled in close to her and had let Carol stroke her hand while she nursed. She had needed her mother right away, so why was Rose fighting her?

After several more minutes of this, Carol was getting overwhelmed. She thrust Rose at Daryl, who took her instinctively, and said, “Take her, please just take her, I need a minute.” She pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes and willed herself not to cry.

“Hey, you okay?” Daryl asked, adjusting Rose in his arms so that he could lean over and put a hand on Carol's shoulder.

“Fine, I'm just tired and wish she'd eat,” Carol said, not uncovering her eyes.

“It's just new to her, she'll get the hang of it,” Daryl insisted. Carol dropped her hands and, looking at him helplessly, said,

“It was never hard with Sophia,” and maybe it was months worth of worry coming to a head, maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was hormones and frustration, or maybe it was the fact that she had been trying to pretend like this wasn't bringing all her grief back to surface, but Carol burst into tears; genuine tears, big, wet, and rolling down her face, and poor Daryl, bless him, was caught between his daughter and his girlfriend, as they both sobbed inconsolably.

“Shit,” Carol heard Daryl mutter. He pulled her to him, and she let him. He wrapped an arm around her tight, and allowed her to bury her face in his shoulder and bawl.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Carol said over and over, voice muffled. She wasn't sure if she was apologizing to Daryl for breaking down, or to Rose for being so shithouse at mothering already.

Daryl was muttering words of encouragement to her, while also trying to shush the fussing baby. Through her tears, Carol heard the door to the Warden's office open and close.

“Everything okay in here?” came Sarah's voice. What a stupid question, thought Carol. Yeah, we're peachy; the baby and I are just sobbing for fun! Ridiculous.

“We're fine,” said Daryl, as Carol tried to get control of herself, taking in deep breaths, but not lifting her head. “Lil’ one is havin’ trouble eating, and Carol's a bit... overwhelmed.”

“Do you need help getting her to latch?” Sarah asked.

“I know how to breastfeed, she just won't do it,” Carol snapped into Daryl's shoulder, harsher than she intended.

“Alright,” Sarah said calmly. “Do you want me to take Rose for a minute to give you a chance to breathe?”

“No,” Daryl said, sounding as harsh as Carol had. She wasn't surprised—he had caught the baby when she was born, and had hardly put her down since. Carol could tell he was reluctant to give her up even when he was passing Rose to her. His protectiveness had gone into overdrive the moment he and Rose met.

“Well,” Sarah said, sounding uncertain. “You know where to find me if you need me. Your friends keep asking for updates, by the way. I'll try and keep them away for a while longer.”

Daryl grunted something in response, and Carol clung to him, hiccuping, but not as hysterical. She waited until Sarah's footsteps went towards the door and she left the room before lifting her head up to look at Daryl.

“Hey,” he said quietly, looking at her with concern. “You wanna tell me what that was about?”

Not especially. What she wanted was to feed her daughter and then sleep for fourteen hours.

“Gotta deal with the baby,” she said.

“She ain't goin’ nowhere,” Daryl said, shifting so he could bounce Rose gently. She continued to cry, and Carol's body physically reacted to the sound, desperately aching to feed her. Carol shook her head.

“I'm just tired and got frustrated,” Carol said dismissively.

“Nah, it's more than that,” Daryl countered. “That was the first time you've said her name.”

Carol's lower lip trembled dangerously. She took a deep breath to steady herself. Of course Daryl would see right through her like glass.

“I feel so guilty,” she said, wincing at the crack in her watery voice. “I told myself I'd treat her like her own person, and already I'm making comparisons. No wonder she doesn't want me. But I don't know how to stop thinking about Sophia.” She let out a singular sob, and Daryl reached out and wiped a tear from her face

“Thinkin’ ‘bout Sophia don’t mean you don't love Rose,” he told her gently. “You miss your little girl, and you're exhausted, and it's bringin’ it all back up. Anyone would lose their shit over it, so don't go feelin’ guilty.”

Carol swallowed hard. “I don't get to lose my shit, I have to be her mother.”

“You lose your shit when you need to. I'm here to pick up the slack.”

“Yeah, well, you gonna breastfeed her, too?” It came out more irritable than joking, but Daryl smiled anyway.

“Nah,” he said. “Imma help you do it, though.” He handed Rose over. Carol was reluctant, not wanting to fail again, but Daryl was calm, and it made her calmer. She lowered the collar of her gown and presented her breast to her screaming daughter once more.

“That damn thumb. Just do that here and you'd be golden,” Carol mumbled.

“You're all tense,” Daryl said. “She don't know nothin’ about what you've lost, and she don't feel any resentment, but she can tell her momma's freaking out and it's freaking her out.”

“Since when are you a lactation consultant?”

“I dunno what that means.”

“When did you become an expert on getting babies to nurse?”

“I ain't an expert in anything havin’ to do with babies, but when you tense up, so does she. Look—her shoulders are all drawn up to her neck. She wasn't doin’ that when she was cryin’ earlier. You're her momma and she can feel it when you're unhappy, so we gotta get you calmer.”

An odd mix of affection and envy washed over Carol. Daryl observed and knew the people he loved so intrinsically that he was already picking up mannerisms on a person who hadn't been alive even a full day yet. Meanwhile, Carol couldn't even get her to do the one thing Rose needed her exclusively for.

“How?” Carol asked.

“Hum somethin’,” Daryl said with certainty. Carol furrowed her brow.

“Why?”

“You said all the time that whenever there was music she'd go batshit in there. Maybe she likes music.”

“Why don't you hum something then?”

“I don't do music. 'Sides, you're the one she needs right now.”

This was stupid, Carol decided, and Rose seemed to agree, yelling at her, absolutely red in the face. Carol sighed, and hummed the first thing that came to mind. After a few lines, Daryl huffed a breath of puzzled laughter.

“Is that Horse with No Name?” he asked. “Some lullaby.”

“It was on the CD you were playing on that old stereo when you were out skinning those rabbits the other day,” Carol said defensively. “It's been stuck in my head for ages.”

“Don't let me stop you.”

“Now I'm embarrassed.”

“Nah, don't be, look,” he nodded down at Rose. “She's calmin’ down. I mean, she's still pissed as all get out, but she's settling down. 'Sides, I like that song.”

“The others are gonna think we're torturing her.”

“Tell 'em it was me.”

“Tell them you were the one making her cry, or that you were the one crying?”

Daryl snorted. “Whatever makes you feel better.”

Carol smiled a little, feeling lighter. She leaned back against Daryl and continued to hum. Rose's screams fell to cries which fell to whimpers. She opened her big, blue eyes and sought out the sound of the music.

“Oh!” Carol startled a minute later, when Rose finally found her breast and latched on. She turned to Daryl in awe. “How'd you know that would work?”

Daryl shrugged.

“I know her,” he said simply. “You do, too, you just got other shit to deal with that makes it harder. Don't you worry, though, I still don't know half the shit I should. You'll be helpin’ me next.”

“That's how it's supposed to be, I think,” Carol said quietly, the room suddenly unfamiliar without the ringing of Rose’s cries. “A partnership. I never had that before.” She ran a hand over the top of Rose's soft head, which was covered in thin, red hair. Now that she accepted it, the baby was now eating like she was famished, and Carol couldn't help but laugh.

“You think she's gonna be this stubborn forever?” Daryl asked.

“You're the one who knows her, you tell me.”

“Nah,” Daryl said, grinning. “She won't be this stubborn. Being part me and part you? She's only gonna get worse.”

Daryl was finally asleep. Carol was beginning to think he was going to try and just stay up forever, for fear of missing a single moment of Rose's life, and frankly, if anyone could pull that off, it'd be him, but alas, it seemed his body finally got the better of him. He was curled on his side, breathing lightly though his mouth, one hand touching Carol's thigh, as though, even in sleep, he had to make sure she and Rose were within reach. She'd have to address that eventually, before his protectiveness got smothering, but for now she appreciated it. It felt nice to be so deeply loved.

Unlike her father, Rose was not asleep, but she wasn't fussing, either. She was alert in Carol's arms, taking it all in. Carol watched her, trying to see the things Daryl saw. Mostly, she just thought about how difficult it was gonna be to wean her from thumb sucking, since Rose seemed to have some magnetic attachment to the damn thing.

It hurt more than she wanted to admit, having Rose and not having Sophia, and as much as Daryl tried to tell her otherwise, she felt crushing guilt, because Rose didn't deserve to live in the shadow of a ghost. Carol loved this new little girl so much. She was bright-eyed and beautiful, and Carol could see the subtle hints of Daryl in her facial expressions already, and that was both heartwarming and hilarious, to see a newborn look so grumpy.

But Sophia refused to leave Carol alone—she lingered, haunting her with memories of what she'd been and what she could have become.

Carol knew Sophia hadn't been built for this world, and she was confident Rose could survive it, because this was her world; it was the only thing she would know. That didn't mean it didn't hurt, though. If anything, it only made the cuts go deeper still.

“I'm gonna tell you my biggest secret right now so we start this relationship out with all the cards on the table, okay?” Carol whispered to Rose. Rose's eyes darted towards her, and watched as though she were truly paying attention. Carol said, “I'm a little broken, and I'm gonna make mistakes.

“You had a sister, and a part of me is always gonna be buried with her, but the rest of my heart is all yours. I don't want you to ever think I love you less, or wish you were her, because I don't, and I won't. I want you for exactly the person you are. But sweetheart, I'm gonna hurt sometimes, and I won't always be able to be the mother I want to be, but in those moments, you can't ever think it's because of you. You're the one who's always going to bring me back. You and your father, you're everything.

“I've made bad choices—far too many—but you are not one of them, Rose. You were a hard decision I will never regret. You are wanted, you are loved, and most importantly, you are you, and don't ever think I would change that for the world.”

Carol held a finger to Rose's free hand, and a tiny fist wrapped around it. They locked eyes, blue on blue, and Carol finally saw her new daughter for the very first time.

***

Chapter 2

Want For Nothing

Daryl

Cooing. There was so much cooing. Everybody was fucking cooing, and they were passing Rose back and forth like a football, and Daryl was going to lose his mind.

“Relax,” Carol said in his ear. He scowled. By the time dawn came, the two of them could no longer delay the inevitable—their family was demanding to meet the newest addition. Which, sure, fine, whatever, but did that mean they all had to hold her? Daryl's arms felt unbearably empty as he watched Glenn with suspicion while he rocked Rose to-and-fro.

“She's got your grouchy face look down pat,” Glenn said. “Good to know your newborn daughter is just as impressed by me as you are.”

That made Daryl feel a little better.

“I think she looks like Carol,” Maggie said, taking Rose from Glenn and cradling her. “In the nose and mouth, at least. Those are definitely Daryl's eyes.”

“I can't believe she's a ginger,” Beth giggled, peering over her sister's shoulder.

“How are you feeling, Carol?” asked Michonne.

“Exhausted,” she said with a tired smile. “But happy.”

“Sarah said the birth went perfectly; didn't need me at all,” Hershel said.

“All things considered, it couldn't have gone better,” Carol agreed. “But don't ask me about it until I've had a bit of time to repress the memory of the pain.”

“I didn't make it to five centimeters before I was screaming for drugs, I’m impressed,” said Michonne.

“How's it feel to be a dad, Daryl?” Rick asked.

It was the best thing he'd ever been, and he'd really like to have his daughter back so he could get back to parenting, thank you very much.

“‘S good,” he mumbled.

“Don’t let him fool you. He held a piss in for two hours because he didn't want to leave her. Did you know he was the one who caught her? I'm sure he's about to have an aneurysm from you all holding her, but is too polite to say,” Carol said, smiling sweetly at him.

“Ain't too polite. You told me I wasn't allowed to yell at nobody for touching her.”

“I was trying to keep that fact between us.”

“Mm.”

“Should we give her back now?” asked Maggie, grinning.

“Yes,” said Daryl.

“No, you haven't all had a chance yet. Michonne? Carl?”

“We ain't letting Carl hold her, he's just a kid.”

“Daryl,” Carol said flatly. “He holds Judith all the time.”

“I feel sorry for anything, walker or otherwise, that tries to threaten this kid,” Glenn said, running a hand over Rose's soft head. “Daryl is so possessive he'd rip them so many new assholes until there was nothing left.”

He was not wrong.

Daryl blew a thin breath of air through tight lips as Rose was handed over to Carl. It was a testament to how much he loved Carol that he hadn't already leapt up from the bed and stolen his child back.

“If looks could kill, you'd be obliterated right now,” Glenn told Carl. Carl glanced up at Daryl and blanched. Daryl, not realizing quite how murderous he must look, tried to rearrange his face into something in the neighborhood of encouraging. More than likely he just looked pained, but that was the best they were gonna get.

“Do you think Rose and Judith will get along?” asked Carl. He held his index finger out and Rose wrapped her entire tiny hand around it. Daryl's lip twitched up, just the tiniest bit, in spite of himself.

“They gotta, or it's gonna be real exhausting for them to live together,” he said.

“I bet they'll be best friends,” Michonne said.

“You and Glenn should have a baby,” Beth said to Maggie with a shit-eating grin. “Then they'd all be close together in age.”

“Maybe,” Maggie said, glancing at her father, who appeared a little conflicted, but didn't object.

“Judith and Rose would probably team up and pick on our kid,” Glenn said. That actually made Daryl snort. Glenn glared at him. Daryl just shrugged.

“Okay, let me see her before Mr. Grouchy over there banishes us,” said Michonne, taking her turn. She smiled a sad sort of smile at Rose. It was the same smile Daryl had seen both her and Carol make at Asskicker. It was a smile that read of bittersweetness; of love and loss at the same time.

Daryl had been a parent for roughly a day, give or take, and already he couldn't fathom the idea of losing that baby. He'd known Carol had hurt when Sophia died, and he could hear the pain in Michonne's voice whenever she mentioned her lost child, but he never really understood how deep that suffering must go. Just the mere thought of losing Rose gutted him—how did these two women get up every day with holes that big?

Rose began to wriggle around in Michonne's arms, and started to fuss a little, which Daryl was quickly learning was her way of warning them she was about to get mad. Despite who her parents were, that kid had no qualms about letting everyone know how she was feeling, loudly and with gusto.

“Sounds like she's telling us it's time to let her be with mom and dad,” Michonne said over Rose's cautionary whimpers. She handed her over to Daryl, who felt instant relief as soon as Rose was in his arms again.

“She's hungry,” Carol said apologetically. “She had trouble eating there at the beginning, but now that she's got the hang of it she acts like she's famished.”

“We'll give you some privacy, then,” said Rick, ushering everyone towards the door.

“We'll probably go back to our cell later tonight. We've just been too tired to bother,” Carol explained.

“We understand,” Maggie told her.

“Congrats, you guys,” said Glenn.

They all said their goodbyes, with Carol saying them back, but Daryl was distracted. Rose was staring up at him with a pouty lower lip, and in that instant the literal only thing he wanted was to make her happy again.

“You gotta feed her so she stops looking at me like that,” Daryl said to Carol before the door to the office had even been fully closed.

“Like what?” Carol asked, reaching out to take the baby, and pulling out her breast in a way that already seemed habitual.

“Sad.”

“She's not sad, she's just hungry,” Carol said with a light laugh, propping Rose up on a nursing pillow Daryl had gotten back on that run to the birth center.

“She cries about it, though.”

“Daryl. Babies cry about everything. It's how they communicate.”

He knew that, of course, but he didn't like it. If it were up to him, Rose would never want for anything. He wanted to anticipate her every need so she never felt uncomfortable or scared or sad. He wanted her to be happy.

What a horrifying thought.

Daryl anticipated his role as a parent to be about providing—providing food, shelter, safety—but he never once entertained the idea that it would be up to him to provide his daughter with happiness.

“I don't know how to make her happy when everything except you and her is bullshit,” he said. Carol frowned at him.

“Daryl, I told you she's fine, she just needs—”

“I don't mean right now,” Daryl interrupted. “I mean for the rest of her life, how do I give her what she deserves? Even if the world weren't the way it is, I ain't never been happy. Not before her; before you.”

Poor Carol, thought Daryl, having to deal with him running his mouth over abstract fears so soon after walking barefoot through the fires of Hell to bring an entire human being to life. To her credit, she spared him of exasperation. As always, she showered him with kindness he didn't feel entitled to. She said,

“No one is happy all the time. If they were, then happiness would have no meaning. There are going to be times when you're going to have to do the worst thing you can imagine.”

“What's that?” Daryl asked, anxiety mounting.

“Sometimes, you're going to have to let her be unhappy.”

#i liked this story #it was a nice place to start in this fandom #caryl #caryl fic #miju #dunlap writes shit #or wrote shit #once upon a time

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phantom-curve · 4 years

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find the strength, find the melody pt. 4 (working title)

I think I like this title but I can’t decide so don’t kill me if it changes!

also, you guys are amazing. your love for this lil fic makes me feel so happy. I’ve never written this much this fast for a side project. it’s actually starting to take over all of my writing so I might have to slow this roll a bit and catch up on my actual novel before I can post most.

or maybe I’ll just lean into the insomnia writing even more! stay tuned to see!!

as always, lemme know if you wanna be added to the tag list! @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles (hey lookie there, a title! also sorry not sorry you cried, but at least you were in good company with me and Julie), @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder, @kat-maybe-not

Later that night, long after her father and Carlos had gone to bed, Julie crept out to her mom’s studio. She knew she was going to have to tell her dad about the music program eventually. She was shocked her Tía hadn’t beat her to it already. She needed something positive to offset the disappointment he would feel. Her dad had been gently prodding her to go out to the studio and at least maybe clean it up a bit for weeks now. He would love this improvement, that is, if she could work up the nerve to actually play. Sheet music clutched in her numb hands, she wrenched the studio door open. It was exactly as she remembered it.

Her eyes slipped shut as she stepped inside. She didn’t need to look to know where the couch, coffee table, and chairs would be gathered. She knew exactly how to avoid bumping into the ladder leading up to the loft. Her hand reached out just in time to catch on the fabric covering the piano, Julie allowing her fingers to lead her down the side of it until her pinky brushed a key. One soft note rang out, and her eyes opened, staring down at where she pressed lightly on the white key.

Her feet moved on their own, skirting around the bench, her knees bending automatically as she lowered herself to sit. A tight sensation built in her chest, her breaths picking up speed. The sheet music shook as she forced herself to lift the pages and spread them out on the music rack. She arranged the piece in the correct order, wasting time as she avoided touching the keys for now. Her eyes traced over the song again, her mind showing her exactly how her hands would dance along the instrument, exactly how her voice would reverberate in the silent space. Her gaze snagged on her mom’s final message once more.

You can do it.

Warmth blossomed in her chest, replacing the cold, lifeless feeling that had lingered there for the last year. Julie felt it all at once. Her mother’s love shining off of the pages in front of her, filling up all of the empty spaces inside of her. She could hear her voice, whispering those words in her ear. Tears sprang to her eyes again, but they were different this time.

Julie had thought that she would never be able to play without her mother because she never had. Every defining moment of Julie’s life was underscored by a soundtrack mastered by the one and only Rose Molina. She had thought that without her mother, the music would fall flat. She had thought it would be meaningless without the significance her mother, specifically, attached to it. Julie never realized until this moment that she had been the soundtrack to her mother’s life as well. The two of them, the soundtrack to her brother’s and father’s lives. It hadn’t only been Julie suffering for the last year.

A new type of determination surging through her veins, Julie placed her hands on the cool keys, lining her fingers up with the opening notes. Her mother deserved to be remembered like this, her music recognized and loved by more than just Julie. She would have hated the fact that Julie hadn’t played in so long, would have given her that sad smile, that soft, disappointed mija sigh. Her family deserved to come out of the silence she had forced upon them. They deserved to enjoy music the way they always had before Rose died. It was cruel the way she had taken it away from them. And Julie herself deserved this moment too. She had been punished long enough. Her mother’s love overwhelming everything else, Julie took a deep breath and began to play.

Here’s the one thing I want you to know

You got someplace to go

Life’s a test, yes

But you go toe-to-toe

You don’t give up, no

You grow

The opening was shaky, her fingers clumsy as they stumbled over the unfamiliar notes. Her voice cracked a bit, rusty from disuse. But then muscle memory took over, and Julie felt the tension drain from her body. Her fingers began to move with a mind of their own as she read the notes on the pages in front of her, voice smoothing out as she worked out the frogs. She made it through the pre-chorus easily enough, but the chorus hit her harder than expected. Like her mother was giving her permission to forgive herself for all of the hurt of the last year, reminding her that it’s who you are at your core that matters most. Telling her she still had the time to pull herself out of this spiral. That old message about how the music was always bigger than just the two of them coaxing her out of the shell she had hidden herself away in for the last year.

Better wake those demons

Just look them in the eye

No reason not to try

Life can be a mess

I won’t let it cloud my mind

I’ll let my fingers fly

Her fingers really were flying. She couldn’t even really feel the keys anymore, so sure as she pressed down against the ivory that she didn’t even have to look at the sheet music. Her eyes closed, head lifted as she belted the pre-chorus into the sky. The chorus hit again, but she was ready for it this time, emotion powering every line as she poured her heart and soul into each note. Visions of her mother filled her mind and Julie could practically feel the warmth of her love radiating throughout the studio. She glanced down to read the lines for the bridge and the words hit her like a sledgehammer. Like a secret letter from her mother written exactly for this specific moment.

So wake that spirit, spirit

I wanna hear it, hear it

No need to fear it, you’re not alone

You’re gonna find your way home

Her voice rang out pure and clear as she held the word as long as she could. Home. She really was home now. Here, in her mom’s familiar studio, playing the last song her mother’s hands touched, Julie was finally home again. The sense of rightness filled her completely as she finished the last round of the chorus. Her hands dropped from the keys, reaching out to gather the papers to her chest once more, the most precious treasure she had ever touched.

Eyes closed, basking in the afterglow of playing, she imagined her mother’s spirit behind her, ghostly arms wrapping her in the sweetest hug. Julie shivered against the electricity coursing through her system. She felt alive again. An unexpected clatter sounded from the doorway. Julie’s eyes popped open, anticipating Carlos or her father walking through the doors. Nobody appeared, but she caught the tail end of a muffled curse. It was just loud enough to send a ripple of awareness through her.

“I can hear you, you know.”

She already knew who it was. She expected him to beat a hasty retreat, maybe yell something out in a horribly disguised voice before he melted into the shadows. Without warning, he appeared in the doorway, shoulders raised and a sheepish smile on his face. His eyes darted around the studio, refusing to meet hers. Her mouth fell open. Where does he keep appearing from?

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, I just...I heard you playing?”

He said it like a question, an unsure tone she’d never heard him use before coloring his tone. She watched the way his bicep flexed as his hand rose to scratch at the back of his neck. That seemed to be his nervous tick. His body language told her he wished he was anywhere else right now. Then she glanced at the clock.

“What the hell are you doing creeping around my house at 1:00 in the morning?”

Luke’s cheeks turned bright red. The tips of his ears, peeking out of that same orange beanie, colored too.

“I’m not creeping!” Julie met his gaze steadily, raising a brow at his defensive declaration. “I uhhh, I just...I don’t really sleep? Or...well I guess...I don’t really have a place to sleep...sometimes...?”

His voice trailed off, uncomfortable in every sense of the word as he stammered his way through his explanation.

“My parents and I don’t always get along. Sometimes it’s easier to tell them I’ll crash somewhere else, only there isn’t always a somewhere else available.”

He shrugged, careless and cocky, but it was off. Everything about him was off right now.

“I make do. It’s no biggie, just gives me more time to soak in the club scene. Gotta stay one step ahead of the competition, ya know? It’s like a blessing really, gives us that edge.”

His rambling words painted a picture she was sure he would rather keep private. It didn’t take a genius to read between the lines. She didn’t buy his cavalier attitude for a minute. He was lying through his teeth. She knew. She had been lying for a year straight to practically everyone in her life, had nearly rotted her teeth through with all the saccharine sweetness she had faked. Her lips twisted in a sour smirk.

“You’re full of shit, but whatever. That couch pulls out into a mattress. You’ve gotta be gone by 6:30, that’s when my dad wakes up for work.”

“What?”

The squeakiest note yet. Julie looked Luke square in the eyes. That same intense energy from the other day sparked between them. The moment stretched on a beat too long. Julie gulped and forced herself to soften her tone. It was easier than expected.

“Stay here for the night, Luke. I’m not gonna ask about your parents, and no one is going to bother you in my mom’s studio. Sleep on the pull-out couch. There’s a bathroom in the back. It even has a shower and I think there’s still some soap in there though I can’t promise it isn’t floral scented. You can disappear in the morning and we won’t ever speak of this again.”

He stared at her, blue-green sea glass eyes cutting through to her very soul. She didn’t respond, letting the silence stretch and morph into something entirely too intimate. The tension between them pulled taut, Luke’s gentle smile breaking the moment as he took a few shy steps into the studio. Julie ducked her head, tucking a few loose curls behind her ear, before she moved to meet him in the middle of the room, gracefully spinning around his body so her back was pressed against the doors. Their eyes caught again. One of those strong hands reached up to scratch at his neck once more.

“Thank you.”

The words were a quiet whisper, almost as sweet as when he returned the song to her earlier. She could hear everything he left unsaid with those two words. Thank you for not asking. Thank you for giving me a safe space. Thank you for caring. Unable to help herself, she bit her lip, gave him a small nod, and ducked out of the doors in a near perfect recreation of his response outside of the school that afternoon.

Heart a little lighter, she sneaked back into the house silently. It wasn’t until she was safely tucked away in the darkness of her bedroom that she dared peek out the window at the studio. The lights were off, but Julie swore she could make out a shadowy figure peering through the windows up at her room. She dropped her curtain like it was on fire, diving into bed and burying her head under the pillows. Heart racing, she laid with her eyes closed and tried to convince herself that Lucas freaking Patterson wasn’t slowly making himself a home in her heart.

#did i cry again while writing this? yes #sorry not sorry for all the angst but at least it hurts so good right?#soft boy luke is my absolute KRYPTONITE #julie and the phantoms #jatp #juke #jukebox #julie x luke #luke x julie #luke patterson #julie molina #palina #Mads speaks #Mads writes #jatp ficlet #jatp fanfic #juke fanfic #find the strength find the melody

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bard-llama · 3 years

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WiP Wednesday: Saskia Coming of Age Story

Today’s snippet is small, but it comes with info about a new story all about Saskia!

I wanted to try to explore a Saskia that was a little less self-assured and assertive than my usual portrayal of her. At first I thought I was gonna do that through a romance and like, there might still be elements of that. But it’s really a coming of age story.

Premise: Dragons develop quickly. Within their first two years, their parent(s) teach them all they must know, and then they venture out into the world on their own. Saesenthessis explores the continent/globe for a while all alone, but when she starts to get lonely, she finds herself curious about the dwarven city of Vergen. But two-leggeds hunt dragons, so to protect herself, she polymorphs into her human form. But she’s never actually met a human before. So while she learns how to do that, she lives in the human ghetto of Vergen (the area where the Scoia’tael stay in the game) in a lil house and ends up building a community around her. Also at some point in here, Iorveth shows up. Idk when exactly tho.

So I think the bulk of the story is going to be Saskia learning how to human in Vergen and like, slowly learning about humans and dwarves and elves and also how to fight. Eventually, she decides to join the Aedirnian army (after she can fight or do they teach her?)

She works hard and trains with the army and makes friends with everyone she can, but no one knows who she actually is. She finds herself desperate to talk about stuff, so she adopts a stray cat and talks to it - all about what she’s learning and how she’s messed up and how weird mammals are and suchlike.

Eventually a general in the army sees her sparring or something and decides she has potential and enrolls her in officer’s training, where she gets taught how to read and write (but only in ‘Common’. I think she also gets taught Elder by some dwarves though).

She sees all the stuff going on around her and has strong opinions on it, but she doesn’t really know what to do with these feelings. Until she meets Iorveth.

So, this is my canon for how they meet, but for this specific fic, it might need to change a little? idk. I had a comic half drawn of this, but I lost it when my computer bit the dust along with all my other art. 😞

Anyway, Saskia is flying around as a dragon (she needs to resume her natural form every so often + needs to absorb fire to sustain herself) when she hears screaming in the forest. So she lands and transforms and goes to the rescue of whoever was screaming - only to find that to be a human being tortured by Iorveth. Her interference lets the human run away and Iorveth is more than a little pissed about it. They argue a bit (all “this is not the way to make change!” and “yeah, you got a better idea?”) and then Iorveth ends up shouting something like, “who are you to talk? You’re nobody doing nothing significant” or something harsh that makes Saskia realize that she needs to put her money where her mouth is. More, that she wants to do that. But she doesn’t know where to start. So she goes looking for Iorveth and thus begins a beautiful friendship. Jk at first they’re kinda prickly with each other ‘cause Iorveth can’t quite believe that a human actually wants to fight for change.

I have no idea how he finds out that she’s a dragon, but at some point before that, they’re just chatting or something and she’s feeling low on energy, so she just walks into a fucking campfire and Iorveth about has a heart attack, because “omg are dh’oine impervious to fire now!? wtf!?!?!”

Anyway, inspired by Iorveth, Saskia works to move into positions of leadership and becomes a commander (general?) in the Aedirnian army. Of course, this is the witcher world, so she mostly discovers that beaurocracy’s a bitch and the system is fucked. If they wanna change the world, they’re gonna need to overhaul the whole thing. But how do they do that?

Thus the Free Pontar Valley is born. So like, basically, this is a story of how Saskia gets to be who she is in canon.

Anyway, I gotta start work soon, so have a snip from the very beginning where Villentretenmerth teaches Saskia to polymorph for the first time.

“As you know,” her father began, voice deep and gravely in her head, “you will soon be of an age to go out on your own. But before you do, I have one thing left to teach you.”

“Mmhm,” she hummed absently, eyes tracking the trajectory of a huge bee as it buzzed around their cave.

“Saesenthessis,” Villentretenmerth snapped. “Pay attention!”

Saesenthessis groaned, “yes, father.” She huffed a breath of smoke at the bee, then turned her snout back towards her father.

The sun reflected off of his golden scales in a way it never did with her green ones, and Saesenthessis found her eyes tracing the rainbow-like patterns on the walls of the cave.

Villentretenmerth’s sigh was deep and heartfelt and Saesenthessis guiltily refocused on him.

“This is important,” he scolded her. “I have told you how dangerous the world is for dragons. We are some of the last in existence.” There was deep pain in her father’s voice and it was echoed in Saesenthessis' heart. She had never known other dragons, but her father had shared sense memories from days when he’d flown with a whole hoard of dragons around him. “In order to stay safe, or even just to walk amongst a different people for a time, you must be able to assume many forms.”

“Why would I want to be something else?”

Her father hummed, a rumbling sound in his chest. “This world is mostly made up of two-legged species. They do not understand dragons, do not understand how to communicate with us, nor can most be bothered to try. Instead, they hunt us for our hoards out of greed, believing that all that we treasure must be precious gems and gold.”

“Rubies are pretty,” she muttered. “I’ve heard this lecture before, Father. But why do two-leggeds matter? Can’t I just be me forever?”

A wave of sadness from her father made her wince and curl in on herself. She hated making him sad.

“Once,” he said softly, “that would perhaps have been possible. When there were enough dragons in the world, you could stay in this form for a lifetime without trouble. But the world we live in now? It’s… it’s lonely, Saesenthessis. All beings must build ties to those around them. When two-leggeds are all that are around…” Villentretenmerth sighed heavily. “It’s not so bad, really. You’ve liked Teá and Veá when they’ve come around, have you not?”

“I guess? But what about the other two-legged species?”

“There are a number of them,” he nodded. “We will go through each of them. But first things first. Let’s start with how to polymorph.”

She still didn’t understand why, but she kept quiet and let the lesson move on.

#saskia #the witcher #iorveth #iorveth x saskia #wip wednesday #fic planning

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keepmeinthedark · 3 years

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To The Top || A Marauders Band AU

Chapter Two: You Gotta Not

Read here on A03

So Lily Evans brought a big asset to the band?

Only if you consider Remus Lupin to be a big asset, which I do.

Did Lily introduce them?

In time.

What happened in the meantime?

Before Remus joined the band there was just James, Sirius, and Frank. They lived together in this house called Maxwells house. It belonged to these twins Fabian and Gideon and they opened it up to anyone who needed a home.

And what was Remus doing? What were you doing?

I was in Germany at the time, Remus was at university. But he had been friends with Lily since they were young and even though he was staying in a student accommodation he wasn't too far away for their friendship to change in any way.

Lily and Remus had spent New Year's Eve together. One of Remus' classmates held a party which they attended and stayed until the clock struck midnight. By the time they had made it back to his accommodation, it was three in the morning. They had both slept in Remus' bed without bothering to change their clothes or even take their make-up off, which then lead to one of the worst mornings in both of their lives.

It was eight in the morning when Remus's phone went off. He groaned when he saw his twin brother's name appear on the screen and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Re, where are you?"

"What do you mean?" he paused. "Am I supposed to be somewhere?"

He could practically feel Rom rolling his eyes. "You and Lily both promised Mum that you'd help with the fate. Remember? The fate? The one that Mum has been stressing over for weeks?"

Shit.

"Ohhh yeah, yeah I completely remember god who do you take me for? Yeah me and Lils are on our way now, well be like five minutes tops I promise." and with that, he quickly hung up.

Shit Shit Shit Shit.

"Lily come on, we have to go," Remus said quickly as he shook his best friend awake.

Lily only groaned as she lifted her head off the pillow, she watched Remus rush around the room to grab the makeup wipes and cleaned off the smudged eyeliner he still had on.

Lily didn't wait for an explanation, she just got out of the bed and found her way towards the nearest hairbrush. It wasn't until they were waiting for the bus that Lily had asked where they were going.

"My mum's thing, remember? We said we would help."

Lily didn't look like she remembered but she nodded anyway.

"How long do you think we'll be?"

Remus shrugged, "No idea. Why? Got somewhere to be?"

Lily rolled her eyes, "Got a hangover to cure is more like it."

They had gotten to the fate twenty minutes later and immediately regretted not faking a sickness to get out of it.

Hope Lupin was a powerhouse and an amazing mum, she was loving and caring, and gentle. But she was a single mum who had raised three boys and was in the middle of raising another, which made her incredibly scary when she was stressed.

"There you two are!" she exclaimed when she saw Remus and Lily making their way down the field where the fate was being held. "I was about to send Petunia off after you guys, honestly why are you so late?"

Remus panicked, "Headache," he said.

Hope placed her hands to her hips and raised an eyebrow, "Is headache code for a hangover?"

They both nodded.

Hope sighed, "There's coke, bananas, and water in that tent over there. Go and tip half of the water out of a bottle, fill the rest with coke, drink that, and eat a banana. I don't have time for this." she told them, quickly adding, "Its a hangover remedy," after seeing their confused faces.

"Where was this remedy all the other times we've been hungover?" Lily asked, acting offended.

Hope shrugged, "You never asked."

"Still could've been useful."

"How am I supposed to know that you're hungover if you never tell me!?" Hope exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air and turning her back on them in order to do other things.

"You're Mum!" Remus yelled back. "You know everything!"

"Two minutes! Get a move on!" was all that Hope yelled back.

As Hope had promised the flat coke and bananas had helped their hangovers but unfortunately didn't make them any more prepared for the long day ahead of them. Remus' parents had divorced three years ago when Lyall had admitted that he had fallen for someone else. Remus doubts that his parents have ever been in love. They had his older brother, Lycus when they were in their twenties and before they were married. They did get married not long after he was born and three years after that they had Romulus and Remus, the twins also weren't planned. Neither was Macca, Remus' younger brother who was only 2 years old at the time of the divorce.

His father's new girlfriend didn't last very long and got intimidated by the fact that he had four sons. Romulus has always said that he was certain that there was no girl, to begin with, they had never met her and their dad wasn't exactly someone who had luck when it came to romance. Romulus swears that he made her up to use as an excuse to get a divorce. Lycus believes him. Remus doesn't.

Hope and Lyall still remained close friends and the boys are allowed to stay with either one of them as much as they like, but they spend the majority of their time with Hope, or at least Lycus, Romulus, and Remus do. Macca, who is now five, spends Monday to Thursday with Hope and Friday to Sunday with Lyall in hopes that he will grow up to have a close relationship with both parents.

Remus had nothing against his father, he was a good dad and never failed to make Remus feel loved. But he wasn't yet out to his dad yet and wasn't sure if it would go well if he did come out to him. He likes to think that his dad would try to be supportive but still doesn't want anything to change between them. Not only that but he preferred his mum's cooking.

Lyall worked as a teacher for a primary school near where he lived and Hope owned her own florist in town but would always pop into the other shops there to see if they needed any help when she had the time, which is what led to her helping out with the local coffee shops fate in order to help raise money for cancer research. This wasn't the first time Hope had dragged her children out of their usual routines to stand in a field in the middle of winter and most certainly won't be the last. But they always came, Remus would never admit it but he quite enjoyed these things. Hope had always wanted to help with certain school and church events and Remus was proud to have a mum who was so loved in the community, even if she was scary when she got into her boss mode.

By the time Remus had finished their drinks and properly woke up, there was already a crowd of people going around each stall, Remus had seen Romulus surrounded by little kids. He called them over when he saw them.

"Remus! Lily! You two are captains get over here!"

"Oh bloody hell," Remus said under his breath, noticing the football that he had in his hands.

Sirius felt like his figures were going to fall off. It was January 1st, who set up an outdoor event on January 1st.

They had only just got there and he already wanted to desperately go home, he didn't dream his parents irrelevant and leave his whole family behind at the age of 22 just to play in the freezing cold, but James had insisted that this would be worth it and he seemed so excited for every gig Sirius could never say no.

It was during their first set that Sirius had seen her.

She had been all that James had talked about since their gig at the pub on Christmas eve, he could recite her description by memory.

Dark red hair that reached her chest.

Emerald green eyes.

Plus size

A smile that glows.

Exactly a head smaller than James.

Two piercings in her ear lobe and one in her cartilage.

A tattoo of a small tattoo of a wolf behind her ear.

And she was wearing white Doc Martens.

Yep, that was her. It had to be, she ticked every box (apart from the tattoo as she was too far away for Sirius to get a proper look. But she looked like a girl that would have one.)

Sirius' heart leaped. James was going to be so excited, all he could talk about throughout Christmas was how much he regretted not asking for her Instagram. He had to tell him.

He was going to tell him.

He had it all planned. He was going to give James that smile that only James got, the one that said "I know something you don't know," James always got so excited at good news.

Then he was going to ask James once more how Lily Evans looked, and James would go on a ramble, giving out as much information about this girl that he could remember. Then he would spin James around and point her out and knowing James he would probably scream. Sirius couldn't wait, he was a hopeless romantic after all.

As they went through each song he couldn't take his eyes off her, he had to make sure that he knew where she was when he told James. And he was going to tell him, he was certain of it.

That is, he was certain of it until he saw him.

Now that's a sight that he will never be able to get out of his head.

Short blond curly hair.

Tall.

Thin, yet still had a bit of muscle.

Crooked nose.

Amber eyes.

And a large scar going across his face, from his right eye down through his nose and ending just before his lips.

God his lips!

As they played on Sirius began to notice more and more about this mystery boy. He seemed to be friendly with Lily, they were playing football with a group of kids and it was obvious that he was pretending to not be good for their sake. There was another boy with them who had similar features. Must be a brother, Sirius thought.

The boy was dressed in a Queen t-shirt, a white one with a long-sleeved black shirt underneath, and his jeans were ripped. He wore eyeliner, his nails were painted black and he had multiple rings on his figures.

Sirius had never been more turned on until he saw him take a five-minute break to smoke a cigarette.

Sirius could never date a smoker. James was enough trouble, Sirius had lost count on how many times he had told him that he ought to quit but he never listens. Smoking kills everyone knows this so why did some people think that by some miracle they could be the exception.

Sirius was about to give it all up then and there, make his eyes go back to following Lily around, or maybe even have his brain focus on what he was actually supposed to be going. But once the boy had put out his cigarette and rejoined the group of kids one of them had fallen over and hurt their knee. The boy crouched down to their level and talked to the boy until he laughed while Lily got a wet paper towel and a plaster.

Damit, Sirius thought. Why do guys with kids always have to be so damn attractive?

For the rest of their set, the only thing Sirius could see was him.

He had forgotten all about Lily Evans until they had finished. When they had gotten off the stage James had been bouncing up and down. His smile was the widest he had ever seen it.

"It's her," he said quickly.

"Whos her?" Frank asked, looking at the crowd confused.

"Her, her. That girl I met a the pub last week. She's here."

"Go talk to her then." And while you're at it get me her mate's number?

James began to pale, "I can't just go up and talk to her," he told them shaking his head. "What if she hates me?"

Frank raised an eyebrow, "Why would she hate you, I thought you hit it off?"

"We did!"

"So go talk to her!"

James looked at Lily and then back at Sirius and Frank. He had now started picking at his figure nails, slowly picking one off and throwing it onto the ground.

"What do I say?" He asked, desperately.

Frank seemed very confident. "Mate, you've just played for the entire day she surly noticed that it was you at one point. She's probably begging for you to go and talk to her."

James looked confused, "Then why hasn't she come up to me?" His eyes suddenly widened. "What if she really isn't interested? I mean I know I didn't ask for her Snapchat or anything but she didn't ask for mine either!" he said in one breath. Sirius was sure he may faint if he thought anymore.

Both James and Sirius looked at Frank who rolled his eyes. "She's the girl. You're supposed to be the one to ask her out and make the first move. Most girls are scared to ask out guys cause guys suck." He said it as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "Just take a deep breath, channel your confidence, and swipe her off her feet. You've got this."

James took a breath and nodded before making his way towards Lily who was having a conversation with a much taller boy. He looked a bit like Sirius' mystery boy but older, taller, and with darker hair and no scar. Maybe another brother.

Sirius and Frank both watched James approached Lily in silence. They watched him ask to talk to her, Sirius didn't miss the smile that appeared across her face. Unfortunately said smile began to slowly disappear once James began talking and before anyone could realize that this was indeed a bad idea, Lily had slapped James across the face and had begun to walk in the other direction.

James all but stomped back towards Sirius and Frank, his glasses had fallen to the tip of his nose and his face had gone nearly bright red, though Sirius couldn't tell if it was from anger or embarrassment.

He mumbled a "Let's go" and grabbed all of his belongings before making his way towards the van. All Sirius and Frank could do was stare at each other in disbelief.

"This is why we don't leave him alone unsupervised," Sirius mumbled.

#the marauders #the marauders fanfiction #wolfstar #jily #dorlene #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Peter Pettigrew #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #mary macdonald #emmeline vance

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managedmischiefs · 4 years

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remedy//spencer reid

Hi there! So this is my first Spencer fic and while it’s nowhere close to the first thing I’ve written (I’ve been writing for almost seven years now), it’s the first Spencer fic I’m posting. Let me know what you think and let me know if you want anything like a part two or anything because I totally have an idea for that lol. Also let me know if you have any requests or just reach out if you wanna chat about our mans Spencer Reid or MGG or about anything at all.

Enjoy- like and comment!!!!

genre: fluff, angst, lil bit of smut but not much

word count: 8.2k

warning: nightmares, drugs (not use, just mentioning), overuse of pet names

This fic is inspired by Remedy by Adele so give that a listen while you’re reading okay now go!

SPENCER

"I can't believe we got these tickets!" Garcia exclaims, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Lottie Ray is one of my favorite singers of all time!"

"We know that, Garcia," Luke laughs, patting her shoulder. "You talk about her all the time,"

"Because she's talented and gorgeous and amazing and helps with charities and visits sick children and she's a goddess, Luke Alvez!" Garcia snaps, turning to the backseat to punch his chest a few times. I duck away from the physical violence and knock into the Prentiss, apologizing quietly.

"Alright, kids, calm down," Emily laughs. "We don't need a pre-concert fight,"

"Don't make a mess of my car!" Tara warns from the driver's seat.

"If this is any indications as to how the night is gonna go with you two then maybe I should go home," I joke, running my fingers through my newly short hair. I hadn't gotten it cut in a while so I figured now would be an appropriate time.

"So remind me how we're getting backstage?" Luke asks, turning his head to me.

"Backstage passes, that's what I was told," Emily answers with a nonchalant shrug. "FBI privileges. At least it's good for something,"

We arrive at the stadium and park our cars just as Matt and JJ pull up on either side of us with their families piled in their cars, Rossi and Krystall on the other side of one of them. Everyone jumps out of their cars and Rossi starts distributing backstage passes for everyone to wear around their necks, trying to tame the excited kids. They've been raving about this concert for weeks and now that it's here, they can't contain their energy.

"Come on, everyone!" JJ exclaims, waving the kids towards the entrance.

We flash our new badges and security lets us through, then we meet up with another security guard who brings us to a green room filled with food and drinks that just excites the kids even more. Nobody can seem to contain any of the kids as they go ravaging through the food in the room.

"So," the security guard at the door says, "if you all didn't know, Shawn Mendes is the opening act for tonight. He's starting a soundcheck on the stage in about ten minutes and then Lottie Ray is gonna do her soundcheck after, so you're more than welcome to go and watch it, if you want. Catering is a few doors down to the right if you get hungry, and just ask security if you need anything at all,"

We all mumble out our thank you's as the security guard disappears. Kristy and Will start pulling the kids away from the food so they don't make themselves sick as everyone makes themselves comfortable on the couches, and, of course, Emily locates some wine.

"Is this what it's like to be a celebrity?" Tara jokes as Emily fills up her glass. "I could get used to this,"

"We finally understand how Rossi lives," Matt adds on.

"Knock knock," there's a soft voice from the doorway and all our heads whip over.

Lottie Ray is standing in the doorway and I swear, my breath is knocked right out of my chest. I've never seen a more gorgeous human being in my life. Her smile is huge and her green eyes are shining, contrasting against her red satin and lace outfit that fits her perfectly. She's shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, telling me that her heels are hurting her feet, but she looks so happy that it's easy to ignore. Her long brown hair is curled down to her waistline and frames her doll-like face perfectly. She looks sinfully stunning.

The kids all gasp at the sight of the international superstar and she laughs, stepping further into the room. "Hi!" She grins, waving at the kids. "I heard we had visitors on tour and I just had to come say hi to you all before I go get ready! It's so wonderful to meet you all," The kids are absolute puddles in the face of Lottie and it's actually quite funny. I don't think I've ever seen them this quiet and compliant. "I hope you all come and watch soundcheck, it's always a lot of fun,"

"We'll be there," Garcia says, and it seems like she's in the same trance that the kids are.

"Alright," Lottie glances out the door for a moment, "I've gotta run and go get ready but I'll come visit again before the show," she blows a kiss and then starts heading out the door. "See you later!" And with that, she's gone.

As soon as she's gone, the trance is broken and the kids break into cries of excitement, raving about how they've just met their idol as they go running to hang on their parents. I'm still replaying the image of that angel in my mind and trying to keep myself under control, to keep my cheeks from blushing. She's just so beautiful.

"We should get to that soundcheck, right?" Krystall suggests after checking the time once more.

"Let's go, let's go!" The kids cheer and start running through the door, nearly toppling over anyone passing by in the hallway.

We all rush after them so they don't get lost, but when I spot Lottie rushing into a dressing room down the hall, I bite my lip. "Hey, Rossi," I say, nudging his arm. "I'm gonna go find a bathroom before soundcheck,"

"Sounds good," he waves me away, being pulled away immediately by his wife. I see them off until they've disappeared into the stadium, being led by a security guard to where they can sit and watch. And once they're gone, I hurry down the hallway.

I get to a door with Lottie Ray on the front and a handle with a number lock on it, so I quickly type in the month and year of my birthday, hearing the door unlock before pushing it open. Lottie whips around from where she's standing in the middle of the room, a smile breaking out on her face.

"You cut your hair," is the first thing she says before jumping into my arms, barely even waiting for the door to close.

"Do you hate it?" I ask, tucking my head into her neck, my arms tightening around her waist. I hear her heels clatter to the floor.

"I absolutely love it," she giggles, pulling away and placing her hands on my cheeks as she inspects my locks. "I've never seen you with short hair though. What am I supposed to pull on now?" Lottie smiles at me in the most innocent way, coursing her fingers through my hair, settling at the base of my neck.

"How about we find out?" I tease right back, carrying her to the couch in the corner of the room and tossing her down.

Lottie's eyes go wide as I reach for the button on her pants, pulling them down her legs. "What? Are you crazy?"

"Maybe a little," I quip, tossing the satin aside, taking in the sight of her in a lace bodysuit. "You're wearing red lace and expect me to keep myself under control?"

"Your team is outside and you wanna- we've kept this a secret for almost five years and you're gonna jeopardize that just so you can eat me out in my dressing room?" She protests, but her body says different as she slides her legs open when I lay on the couch in front of her.

"Nothing we haven't done before," I quip, pushing her bodysuit aside. She's looking down at me with her eyes wide and her lips parted, a beautiful and needy expression etched on her face. "And we've gotta make it fast, hmm? I told Rossi I was going to the bathroom,"

"I hate you sometimes," Lottie breathes out, tossing her head back.

Since she's not looking anymore, I take the moment to stun her and circle my lips around her clit, immediately earning a drawn-out moan. "Shh," I hush her, "we can't have everyone knowing what's going on in here. Now be a good girl and stay quiet for me."

///

"I can't believe you did that," Lottie breathes out, pulling on a pair of black workout pants and reaching for a sports bra.

I come out of the bathroom from washing my hands, smirking. "You can't say you didn't enjoy it,"

"You've gotta get back to your team, okay?" she grabs my cheeks and pulls my lips down to hers, now significantly shorter without her heels on. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I echo, pecking her lips a few more times. "I'll see you later. Be safe,"

Lottie snorts, grabbing a hair tie from the coffee table as she follows me out the door. "You're telling me that, Mr. FBI? Mr. Shot In The Neck? Mr. Shot in The Knee? Mr-"

"Yes, I am, because you're the one who broke your foot on stage last year. So, yes, be safe," she wraps her arms around my waist from behind, leaving us waddling along to the stage, but she's laughing and that's all I care about. It makes my heart flutter and I've known for a while that I'd do anything to keep her beautiful smile on her face.

"I've gotta go get my in-ears," Lottie pouts, spinning around so she's in front of me. She goes on her toes to kiss me yet again, but when someone shouts her name, she pulls away, pouting. "I gotta go,"

She goes running off in one direction and so I go out the other way, just to not seem suspicious if the team catches me walking towards them. Thankfully, they're too invested in Shawn Mendes tuning his guitar on stage to notice which direction I come from.

"Uncle Spencer!" Michael exclaims as I walk over, jumping up and down, all of the kids sitting on the floor of the stadium as opposed to the seats, where the adults are.

"What's up, kiddo?" I smile, giving him a high five as I take a seat beside JJ and Will.

"This is super cool," Michael grins, pushing away his brother when he starts poking his shoulder.

"Look, look!" Henry whispers, interjecting himself into the conversation, pointing towards the stage. "There's Lottie Ray!" She's just walked onto the stage and approached Shawn, helping him with something with his guitar and we can faintly hear their voices and laughter through the microphone.

"You seem to really like Lottie Ray," Will speaks up with his normal lazy smirk. "You got a crush on her, Henry?"

His cheeks turn pink and it makes everyone laugh, but Henry just groans. "She's just pretty!"

"Henry's got a crush!" Michael mocks, sticking his tongue out at his older brother. "Henry's got a crush!"

/// LOTTIE ///

"Is this supposed to sound like this?" Shawn scrunches up his nose as he fiddles with his guitar.

I laugh, shaking my head, walking over to him. "No, not at all. Let me fix it," I grab his guitar from him and sit down on the stage, messing with the pegs and with his microphone until the sound issue is fixed. "There you go, love,"

"Thanks, Mom," he jokes, slinging his guitar over his shoulder.

"Oh god," I fake gag. "Stop making me feel so old. I can't do it anymore,"

As Shawn continues his soundcheck, I jump off the stage to chat with the dancers who are fooling around on the floor of the stadium, dancing around to the music. I jump right in with my best friends and twirl around, giggling as my body fills with adrenaline and endorphins. Shawn is finished soon and it's my turn, so I head to the sound engineers to grab a microphone and get back on stage. The first few songs aren't sung-through properly are just used to check for sound balance, but then the dancers come to the stage to do some songs full out and we have some fun.

I grab my own guitar and sing some songs, keeping my eyes from wandering over to Spencer. Since we've been together so long, many of my songs are about him. Well, almost all of the songs from my last few albums are about him. I always want to be singing my love songs directly to him, but our relationship is a secret and it needs to remain that way. So I keep my eyes forward and try to ignore his presence as best as I can.

Someone on the crew calls a hold on soundcheck so I put down my guitar and go to sit at the piano bench, retying my yellow tennis shoes. I hum to myself to pass the dead time and then I hear heavy footsteps approaching me. I look up just in time to see my best friend and dancer, Whitney, sprinting up to me, her eyes wide. "Mayday," she sneers through gritted teeth.

"Mayday? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I furrow my eyebrows, holding my microphone lazily in one hand.

Whitney tilts her head to where the BAU team is sitting and then repeats, "Mayday,"

My eyes mirror hers as I see what she means. My own mother, lovely Mrs. Kelsey Barlow, has just walked up to the team and is hugging Spencer and I can see the uncomfortable look on his face. Then she puts her hand over her mouth and, judging by the look on everyone's face, she's just exposed Spencer's relationship status. I hastily jump off the piano bench and rush off the stage, walking quickly over to the group, catching Spencer's panicked eye.

"Mom," she whips her head around to me, her eyes wide.

"I forgot!" She exclaims before hurrying off, breezing past me as she mumbles broken apologizes to herself.

I choke back a nervous laugh, turning back to Spencer with a smile. "Well, we had a good run, didn't we?"

"So-" the woman I recognize to be Penelope Garcia speaks up, "you two are- you're- what-"

"Um," I kneel on a chair in the row in front of Spencer, tapping on the armrest, "Spencer and I are dating,"

The surprise is clear on everyone's face but Spencer is obviously panicking, his hands clutching his thighs tightly. The whole point of keeping our relationship secret was to keep me safe. Yes, if Spencer's face was plastered all over the media because of paparazzi, it would make his life in the field and as a professor more complicated, because then going undercover would be impossible. But he's told me about how his family has been targeted because of him before and how he refused to let that ever happen again. So as soon as we met, we made sure to never be seen in public. We don't go out, we have secret credit cards if we ever go on vacations (which is incredibly rare, considering both of our schedules), and we always stay home for dates. Thankfully, it's worked. It's been five years and nobody has suspected a thing, not even his team full of profilers. But now, thanks to my mom, the jig is up.

"Dating?" Tara's eyebrows shoot up.

"For how long?" Luke asks.

"I'm sure Spencer could tell you exactly how long," I tease even though I know he won't pitch in, judging by his panicked look, "but we've actually been together for a little over five years." And if they looked shocked before, then they surely look shocked now. But Spencer is looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands and it breaks my heart. "And now that everyone knows," I make another joke out of the situation to lighten the mood, "Spence, can you come help me with something? There's an audio problem and I'm sure you could probably fix it in two seconds," Spencer's head pops up and he nods, standing from his seat and walking past me. I catch his hand to keep him from completely walking away, smiling at everyone. "Soundcheck will keep going on just another few minutes, don't worry."

I jump off the seat and as soon as I do, Spencer pulls me backstage. I trail behind him, catching the way his free hand digs into his eyes, his hand in mine squeezing tightly. Once we're out of view from the team, I place my hand on his arm. "Sweetheart," I whisper as he leads me away from the stage, towards my dressing room. I know I need to be at soundcheck, but my family is more important to me than standing on stage and singing a few notes. He plugs in his birthday and throws open the door, stomping inside, and once we're safely in, that's when he drops my hand. Both hands then dig into his eyes and he grunts, flinching at the door slams closed.

"Hey, hey," I whisper, stepping closer to him, "baby doll, take a breath, you're okay. I'm right here, I'm safe,"

"They know," his voice shakes. "They know now and-"

"They're FBI agents and it's okay that they know. You've protected me for five years and they can help with that," I place my fingers gently on his biceps, hoping to soothe his panic just a bit, but it doesn't seem to help.

"Krystall's not, and Kristy's not, the kids aren't," Spencer whines, starting to break down. "I can't lose you, Lottie. I can't-"

"You're not gonna lose me," I promise. "They're your best friends and they deserve to know that you've got a girlfriend. It's okay, peach. Everything's gonna be okay. So just breathe, nice and deep for me,"

Spencer takes a shaky breath and slides his hands down his face, his eyes squeezed closed. He reaches one of his hands forward and places it over my heart, sighing of relief. "Okay," he whispers, almost as if reassuring himself that I'm actually here, "okay,"

"Spencer, can I hug you?" He nods quickly, and it doesn't even take me a second before I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling him bury his face in my arms. "I love you so much." I tell him for what could possibly be the millionth time, but it doesn't hold any less meaning than the first time. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

/// SPENCER ///

"There you are!" Garcia exclaims, practically pushing me into a chair as I walk into catering. "There. Sit your ass down and tell us what the hell is going on. You've been dating Lottie Ray for five years?"

"I-"

"Five years, Reid?" She cuts me off before I can even get out another word. "Like seriously? How did you even keep it a secret for this long?"

"We-"

"Does this mean that her songs are about you? Because she-"

"Garcia," Luke says, placing his hand on her shoulder to politely shut her up, "let him explain, please. We're all curious. Now shut up,"

And truly, everyone is staring at me. The kids are sitting at their own table a few feet away but all the adults are staring at me and it's making me nervous. But I look down at my hand and see the sharpie on my knuckles in Lottie's perfect handwriting. I love you, baby doll. It calms me down.

"You guys, um," I clear my throat nervously, "well, sorry I kept it a secret,"

"We're not mad," Emily says. "We just wanna know why,"

"I did it to protect her," I answer quickly, and it's obvious on everyone's faces that they understand what I mean. "All of our families have been targeted many times because of our jobs and I've lost people, I almost lost my mom a few years ago. I couldn't let that happen again. So as soon as I met Lottie, I told her we had to keep it a secret and she agreed,"

"Will you tell us how you met?" Kristy asks with a fond smile.

"Um, yeah," I nod softly. "Lottie was here, in Virginia. If you recall, five years ago, the media was ripping her apart and hating on her for all these fake allegations about lying and stealing songs and all these other things,"

"Oh, yeah. She wasn't involved in lawsuits, right?" Krystall adds.

"She was sued by over thirty other artists and won every lawsuit. But she came to Virginia to escape the harassment because there's no paparazzi here," I suppress my smile as I remember our first meeting. "We met two weeks after I got out of prison, in a bookstore, actually. I had no idea who she was. I knew all of her music from Garcia, but not what she looked like. She thought I was lying about not knowing who she was because she's so used to people being fake around her and lying to her and using her, but I truly didn't know. I didn't even know that people were being so horrible to her online. So we just sat in the bookstore and read books in silence together for a few hours and we did that for two weeks before I actually asked her out,"

"And that's it? Simple as that? That's how you started dating an internationally famous pop star?" Tara laughs.

"That's it," I shrug nonchalantly. "I asked her out and I made her dinner and then we started hanging out and we just started dating. She moved to Virginia permanently because she likes it here so much and she feels like she can be a normal person here, not a celebrity,"

"So what suspicious things have you done with her that you haven't told us about?" Matt teases with a smirk.

"Well," I stifle another laugh, "remember those few times when I claimed I overslept and missed the flight back to Virginia on those cases?" Everyone nods. "Intentional. We happened to have cases in the same places that Lottie had stops on her tour so, on those days, I'd miss our flight and go see her, then get my own flight back. We don't get to see each other much at all when she's on tour,"

"Sneaky, sneaky." Rossi nudges my shoulder, making me laugh. "When she is around, you've gotta bring her around for one of our team dinners,"

"I'm sure she'd like that," I reply softly. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, that I've kept this secret for so long. I just- I really love her and I want to protect her."

The table is silent and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Does that mean they're mad? Does that mean they don't even need to accept my apology because an apology wasn't needed because they weren't mad in the first place? Am I overthinking? I don't understand.

"Where's the ring?" Will is the one who speaks up first.

My cheeks turn red, but when nobody else speaks up to protest the slightly invasive question, I gather that this is the question on the tip of everyone's tongue. "It's, um, it's in my apartment. Haven't found the right moment,"

Everyone's eyes go wide and I'm not sure if they were expecting that answering. After all, this is quite a lot of information for one day. In just an hour, they've found out that I'm dating a Grammy-winning singer and I'm ready to marry her. They thought that I've been single for years and I've been dealing with my trauma alone but in reality, I've been falling asleep on calls with Lottie and sneaking out like a teenager to meet up with her. I'd lay down my life to protect her and I don't know what I'd do without her.

/// LOTTIE ///

I stare out at the sea of fans chanting my name, my chest heaving after the intensive dance number I've just performed. My feet are aching from my huge heels but they always are so it's easy to ignore the pain and plaster on a smile.

"Alright," with a heavy sigh, I drag myself over to the piano and sit down at the bench, clipping the microphone into the stand. I play some chords on the piano before I start to play some melodies that just sound pretty, to underscore the speech I'm about to give. "The song I'm about to play isn't a song that's usually on the setlist," I say, glancing out at the thousands of fans before me, "but I usually add it when someone certain is in the audience and that someone is here tonight."

I look back down at my hands for a moment and take a deep breath before speaks again. "I wrote Remedy," my fans scream as I reveal what song I'm about to sing, "not as a song to put on an album. I wrote this song as a lullaby of sorts, and as a reassurance for my," I hesitate and bite my lip for a moment as I feel my eyes start to tear up, "for my someone, that I'd always be there for him. I'd always be there to love him, to make his pain go away, and to make the horrors of this world go away, even if it's for a little while. I'd do whatever I could to be his remedy. And I play this song whenever he sees the show because I don't want him to forget because I fear he will forget. I want him to remember that I love him and that," I gulp and play the first chord of the song, "I'm always gonna be here for him."

///

When I pull my in-ears out after the final song of the show, everything sounds like it's underwater. It's normal but I'll never get used to not being able to hear properly after a performance. My security guard is at my side and rushing me away from the stage, down the hallway, and towards a car that is waiting to take me home. It's key to get out of the stadium as fast as possible so that fans don't locate me and swarm me.

I jump in the backseat of this car and let out a sigh, laying down across the three-seater and closing my eyes. My ears are pounding as my hearing starts to make a comeback, and I drift in and out of sleep as a driver brings me back to my townhouse. I'm still dressed in my final stage outfit and I can't find it in me to care at the moment.

When we arrive at my small Virginia townhouse, it's nearing midnight as my security guard opens the car door and helps me to my aching feet, walking me to my front door before disappearing back into the car. There's classical music playing inside and it makes me smile, and when I hear footsteps, my heart skips a beat. Spencer comes into my view with his cute smile, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Hi, sweet girl,"

"Hi," I smile back, holding my arms out like a child.

He easily complies, stepping forward and pulling me into a tight hug. But he swiftly picks me up and prompts me to wrap my legs around his waist, and he goes off, carrying me up the stairs and towards my bedroom. "I've gotta get you out of this outfit and these damn shoes and into bed, right?"

"How was the show?" I mumble into his shoulder, feeling my adrenaline start to come down and my exhaustion kick in. "Did you like it? Did the team? Did the kids?"

"Everyone loved it. Emily and Tara were drunk by the time they left, and the kids had an amazing time. And you know that I always love watching you perform," he sets me down on the bed and starts to unzip my thigh high heels. "You pointed out that you always sing Remedy when I see your show but it always takes me by surprise when you sing it. It started out as you singing it to me when I have nightmares and now you sing it to stadiums full of thousands of fans. It's insane. And you know what else is insane? These shoes. How do you even walk in these?" He throws them aside and then reaches for the zipper of my bra top.

"Can we take a bath? I'm all sweaty but I don't wanna stand for a shower," I place my hands on his shoulders as he undresses me, giving him a cute pout, even though it's not needed because I know he'll say yes without a protest.

"Of course. Come on. Be careful," he leads me into the bathroom and runs a warm bath while I start to wipe off my makeup, grimacing as my throat starts to get sore from the hours of singing I just did. I feel Spencer's hands on my waist as the room gets steamy, his lips pressing against my shoulder blade. "Sometimes I'm so floored by your talent,"

"Stop," I blush, letting my head fall against his chest.

"Absolutely not," he quips, lips moving to my cheek. "Seeing you up on stage, dancing, and singing, and looking so happy, I'm so proud of you. And next week, you're gonna go to New York and win some Grammy's and make me even more proud of you,"

"I'm not gonna win," I pull away from his arms and step into the warm, bubbly bath, sighing contently. Spencer quickly undressed himself and steps in on the other side, facing me.

"You tell me every year that you're not gonna win and then you do," Spencer retorts, grabbing my ankles under the water to pull me closer to him. I fall over his chest and he wraps his arms around my waist again. "Some people in your position have the biggest ego, and you have the tiniest ego I've ever seen,"

"M'sleepy," I ignore the point he's trying to make in an effort to whine instead, my hands grasping his growing biceps.

"I know you are," Spencer coos, fingers brushing up and down my spine. "We'll get out in a few minutes. Just relax and then we get to bed,"

I've always loved this side of Spencer. When the sun sets and we're sleepy, we both tend to get cuddly and clingy, me more than him. He's happy to hold me and kiss me and never let me go and I'm happy to pine over him. The truth is, I've never loved anyone the way I love him. I thought I would spend my life around people who would use me for my money and society status and I'd have to fake a smile forever. I ever thought that my reputation would get ruined and I'd hide away in Virginia and meet the most adorable yet traumatized FBI agent who would happen to be the easiest person to fall in love with. I often find myself wondering how many people have fallen in love with Spencer because it's just so easy to. Sure, keeping my relationship a total secret isn't ideal, but it makes me feel like a teenager with all the secrets and the hiding and I have to admit that I love it. I love having dates on my balcony and hiding under the covers for hours on end and sneaking through back doors to kiss him. I never thought I'd meet someone like Spencer and I'm always pinching myself.

"C'mon, c'mon," Spencer whispers, and when he speaks, I've realized that I've dozed off on his chest. "Before you fall asleep again,"

I'm basically a rag doll in Spencer's arms as he helps me out of the tub and wraps a towel around me, then one around himself before pulling the plug for the tub. I wander into the bedroom and into my closet, pulling out one of Spencer's flannels that I'd stolen years ago, buttoning that up. I dry off my hair a little bit before climbing into bed just as Spencer flips the light off. He climbs in bedside me and pulls me close, kissing the top of my head. "Go to sleep, doll. You need lots after that performance." I don't even have it in me to respond and I just fall asleep right on his chest, exactly where we both know I belong.

///

Nightmares used to be much more common for Spencer at the beginning of our relationship. Unknowing to me, at first, when we met, he had just been released from prison after being falsely accused of murder and drug possession. He'd been locked inside with the criminals that he's spent his life hunting and he saw horrible things, and nightmares hit him like a ton of bricks.

He was broken when we met but he put on a brave face and told me that he was a profiler for the FBI, which was true in a way, even if he wasn't reinstated yet. He would see me during the day and plaster on a smile, then he'd go to sleep and wake up screaming as he relived what he saw in prison, that's what he eventually revealed to me. I cried when he told me that. I felt so guilty for not seeing through his facade because once he told me, it was clear.

I assumed the circles under his eyes were because he wasn't sleeping due to always working, not because he was having nightmares. I thought his hands shook because he was nervous to be on dates, not because he was experiencing PTSD, or PTSS as he would eventually correct me to say. I missed so many things and I just cried over him for hours, apologizing for not being there for him when he needed me. And Spencer held me so tight and he cried too and he told me that I make him happier than anyone he's ever met, and somehow, that cured any heartache I was feeling.

I hadn't realized how severe Spencer's nightmares were until I experienced one for myself. We didn't sleep in the same bed for the first three months we dated, and then I eventually was too tired to drive home and Spencer let me stay over. I was so excited to be wrapped up in his arms for an entire night that the thought of witnessing one his nightmares didn't even cross my mind, and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit Spencer's chest. He woke up crying out a name I'd never heard before, tears streaming down his cheeks as he thrashed around and grasped at the bedsheets, ripping them completely away from me. I woke up immediately and pulled him into my arms, cooing and promising that he was safe and everything was okay. We didn't sleep for the rest of the night because he was too scared to have another, to see the faces and places that so often plagued his nighttime.

I thought the nightmares stopped, or at least they became more sparse. Over the years, Spencer's time in prison became further and further away and while he never forgets a face, the faces seemed to get blurrier and the names he cried out became more jumbled, as if he was starting to become unsure if the syllables were correct. He still carries around his trauma like a suitcase with a broken wheel but he started therapy and it became easier for him to talk to me about his pain and he started to get better.

But then there are the hard days. There's the days where Spencer sees someone on the street who looks similar to someone he's killed on the job or someone who has hurt him, or the days when he has flashbacks, or the days when he spends hours staring at the crooks of his elbows, wondering if he should go find just one more vile of dilaudid to dull his pain. Or the day when his team finds out that he's dating an internationally famous singer- me. These send him into panic attacks that can last for minutes or hours or days. Panic attacks lead to nightmares, and that's the worst.

I know something is wrong when Spencer kicks me. He's always a relatively still sleeper and not much of a blanket hog, that's my job. He often complains over breakfast about how he awoke in the middle of the night to cold feet and my arm over his face, but always with a reassurance that he loves me regardless, usually pairing his words with a kiss and wandering hands.

So when I'm awoken by Spencer's leg jamming into mine, I'm wide awake. I let out a whine and reach for the lamp on the bedside table, flipping it on and refraining from whimpering at the sudden light. I rub my eyes and sit up, turning to look down at my sleeping boyfriend beside me. He's drenched in sweat and clutching the duvet in his hand, gradually pulling it closer to him. Whines and moans are growing from the back of his throat as his brows become tenser, and I let out a defeated sigh.

Spencer has explained to me many times that trying to wake him up from a nightmare will only make it worse and that's it's best if I just wait until he's awake to comfort him. Maybe that's the worst part, just watching him suffer. I have to watch him thrash around and listen to him scream names of those who have died because of him and I can't do anything until his body decides the trauma is enough for now.

He starts to kick his legs when his lips part and some mumbled words fall from his mouth, but I can't understand them. I watch helplessly as he progresses, pulling the duvet up to cover his face. This makes me panic and even though I've been instructed not to touch him or interfere with his dream, I fear he could smother himself. So I reach forward and pull back the blanket, flinching when his hand tries to smack mine away a few times. He's shouting names and whimpering and tears are pouring down his cheeks and I'd be lying if I said I'm not starting to cry too.

"Spencer," I breathe out, unable to witness this anymore. "Baby, wake up, please,"

He's crying out for help, reaching for someone who will never come. I'm right here but he's wishing for someone else, someone maybe on his team or maybe there's someone he's intending to help or maybe he's just needing to be held or maybe he's needing someone who's dead. But no matter who it is he's needing, he's crying out and his knuckles are white around the duvet.

Then his eyes fly open and his chest is heaving, and it's like time stops for a second. Spencer looks down at his hands and he releases the duvet from his iron grasp, lips parted as he takes shallow breaths.

"Spencer," I whisper, and he jumps at the sound of my voice. He's clearly forgotten that I was here. It's times like this that I hate my job and how I'm always traveling, how I'm not always around when he needs me. I'm holding myself together but I'm choking on my own sobs, holding out my hand to him. "It's okay, I'm here. You're okay, I've got you,"

Spencer reaches out a shaky hand and takes mine in his, collapsing into my arms in a heap of heavy cries. I hold him as tight as I can bear, rubbing his back as he tucks his face into my shoulder. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shush him, feeling his body completely meld into mine.

"Spencer, you're so-" I gulp, clutching his tee-shirt, "you're safe. It was just a dream, you know that. You're right here with me,"

"It seemed so real," Spencer cries. "It hurts,"

"Shh, darling, I know it does, I know it really hurts you," I lift my head and bring my hand to his cheek, lifting his head too. I wipe his tears with the sleeve of my flannel, or his flannel, and my heart breaks even more when I see how devastated he looks. "Why don't we go take a seat on the balcony and get some fresh air? That usually helps, doesn't it?"

Spencer nods and untangles himself from me and the duvet, heading towards the door on the other side of the bedroom. I grab a fresh blanket on the way out, one that's not covered in sweat and tears, and watch Spencer sit down in an armchair, giving him a weak smile. "Do you want me to go make some tea?"

"No, I don't wanna be alone yet," Spencer shakes his head, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. "Will you sit with me?"

I nod and move to sit on his lap, knowing the physical contact will keep him grounded and will prevent him from getting lost in his dream again. His eidetic memory has been leaning on the cursed side than the blessing side lately, meaning that every image of what Spencer saw in prison is so vivid. Sometimes he has trouble telling what's real and what isn't and I have to remind him. Sometimes he asks, sometimes I have to become the profiler and figure out when he's struggling. But that's hard when I'm always so far away from him.

"You know," Spencer keeps his gaze out on the dark sky as he speaks, placing one of his hands on my thigh, "a few weeks ago when you were in Germany?"

I keep my eyes on him, nodding slowly. "Of course I remember. What about it?"

"I called you," his voice is meek and quiet, wavering and cracking. "It was the middle of the night here and I called you and you didn't pick up,"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, tilting my head. "Spence, honey, I called you back ten minutes later. I told you then, I was in an interview. I couldn't answer my phone,"

"I know," he whispers, fingers tightening around my thigh. "But I had a nightmare," he lets out a shaky breath as a new wave of tears falls down his cheeks. "They've been coming back so much worse and it sucks to be without you and I hate waking up alone and I called you because I needed you and-"

"Spencer," I hush him, wiping his cheeks again when he starts to get worked up.

So he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "I- you didn't pick up, and I was crying and I didn't know what was real. You know- everything looked all, you know, tunnely and blurry and I just- I needed you and you didn't answer and I was in so much pain,"

My chest feels tight and I can only imagine where this is going. Spencer has been wearing long sleeves since we saw each other for the first time yesterday but he's wearing a tee-shirt now, but the thought never crossed my mind that he relapsed. It never has. I always had confidence in him, but now? This moment is the only time when I'm scared that the road in front of us is bumpy and narrow and full of spikes and potholes.

"Spencer," I breathe out, putting my hands on his cheeks, bringing his gaze to mine. "Please tell me you didn't," His jaw tightens under my grasp and he doesn't speak immediately. He's breathing heavily under my hold and it does nothing to increase my confidence in his sobriety.

"I got dressed," he finally forces out. "I changed my clothes and I put on shoes and I was crying but I got my keys and I left my apartment." With just that, I collapse into his arms, burying my face in his neck and crying. "I don't know where I was thinking I could go but I just left my apartment. But- but then you called me," I lift my head at his words, eyebrows furrowed. "You called me right as I got outside and you were laughing at something and you just started telling me this story about how you made homemade pizza the night before with Carly and Whitney and I just- I went back home,"

"You didn't relapse?"

"No," Spencer shakes his head. "You called me and just talked to me about nonsense and you just reminded me how much I love you and how disappointed you'd be if I put such horrible stuff into my body ever again,"

My lips quiver as I nod, tears pouring down my cheeks. "Yeah," I lay my fingers on his cheeks delicately, "I'm so proud of you, baby. You're so strong,"

Spencer scoffs. "Doesn't feel like it," he looks back out at the city lights and sighs. "Is that tea offer still on the table?"

"Of course," I bring his gaze back to mine, but his eyes are glossed over. "Tell me you love me," He hums in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. "You heard me. I just wanna hear it. Just, please, tell me you love me,"

"Lottie, I love you so much," Spencer whispers, turning his head to press his lips to the palm of my hand. "I love you,"

I smile happily, content with that answer. "I love you too. I'll be right back,"

I crawl off of his lap and cover him with the blanket before hurrying inside, scurrying down the flight of stairs to the kitchen. The first floor is almost pitch black and it's only now that I notice it's four in the morning. Shaking off my exhaustion, I put on a kettle and grab two tea bags from the cabinet, happy that I have at least something in the food realm after being on tour for a few months. I carry the steaming mugs up the stairs and stifle a yawn, grumbling when I stub my toe against the top stair. But I make my way back into the bedroom and close the door with my foot, returning to the brisk balcony with my shaky boyfriend.

He's still staring off at the city as I set the mugs on the little table, taking a deep breath. "I didn't put anything in your tea," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. "Didn't think you wanted anything too sweet-"

"Will you marry me?"

If I was still holding the mugs, I would have dropped them. My eyes widen and my mouth goes dry, and it takes me a minute to form a coherent thought. But all I force out is, "what?"

"Will you marry me?" Spencer repeats, turning to look at me. "I've been waiting for the right moment to ask for a long time now and I just- no moment is ever gonna be the right moment, is it? And I just can't wait anymore," he moves the blanket off his lap and stands, and I notice now that he's holding a ring box in his hand. He must have grabbed it from inside while I was making tea. "I've never loved anyone the way I love you, Lottie. I wanna wake up next to you every morning and I wanna be your husband and have a family with you and grow old with you- I want that. I never thought I'd ever get that but now I have you and I never wanna let you go. I want to be by your side forever, even when you're stealing the blankets," I let out a laugh through my tears, reaching my hands up to wipe them with my sleeves. "So what do you say?" He seems genuinely nervous that I'll say no. But why would I spend five years of my life professing my undying love for this man just to deny his marriage proposal?

I sniffle, a smile creeping onto my face. "Are you gonna get down on one knee?" Spencer smiles, nodding as he leans on his knee that didn't previously get shot, opening up the ring box to reveal a beautiful jewel to me. The moment becomes real and a new wave of tears rolls down my cheeks. Spencer's crying too and it's just all too perfect. I reach my hand forward to wipe his cheeks. "Ask me again," I whisper.

Spencer catches my hand on his free one, kissing my knuckles. "Lottie, will you marry me?"

"Yes," I answer quickly with a sharp nod. "Yes, Spencer, of course, I will," The biggest smile breaks onto his face and he lets out a sigh of relief, jumping up and pulling me into a hug. He lifts me off my feet and spins me around, eliciting a giggle from me.

"Wait, let me put it on you," Spencer mumbles excitedly, setting me back down before pulling the ring out of the box and throwing it onto the floor.

He slides the ring onto my finger and it fits perfectly but I should have expected that from him. I think I told him once what my ring size was during a dress fitting for the Oscar's and, of course, he remembered all these years. He's amazing, this man.

"God, Spencer, I love you so much," I grab his cheeks and pull his lips down to mine, taking in every inch of him that I can. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #mgg #matthew gubler

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burlesque-articulation · 4 years

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So I recently went a little... Red-string-cork-board-wild for a very minuscule reason. Namely, I wanted to try and figure out if there was any evidence to back up the fanon of whether or not Graham Folger & Oliver Banks had ever been in a relationship for... Reasons.

To start with, I decided to relisten to MAG 003 just for a lil refresher on who the hell Graham even was (emphasis on the was, lmao). Now, the statement was first catalogued in 2007, but the actual events of the statement take place on 2005; first possible hole in the theory, because, in MAG 011, Oliver, under the alias of Antonio Blake, states that his relationship with "Graham" ended 8 years previous to when he gave his statement to the Magnus Institute, which was given in 2015; which means Oliver's relationship would've ended in 2007.

Why do I point this out though?

Mostly because during MAG 003, when Amy Patel has to chill in Graham Folger's flat due to being concussed, and in an attempt to reassure her, all Graham Folger says is "no worries, I'm gay ✌️" which, okay, that's reassuring, sure... But wouldn't it have been more reassuring to say, "Not only am I hella gay, but I'm also seeing someone." Now, sure, maybe because this is '05 and they don't really know each other that well, he probably thought that would be a little TMI, but then again I feel like "oh I'm seeing someone" is significantly less TMI then just flat-out coming out to someone. Either way, later Amy spends essentially weeks or months watching this dude, and he's always. Alone.

And when she described Graham Folger's flat, it didn't sound like a place TWO (2) people were sharing, it barely sounded like there was one person living there. (And Oliver mentions that he'd been in a SIX (6) YEAR relationship, with a shared living space). A little sus, but... Amy does also say that Mr. Folger spends an awful lot of time outside of his apartment so... Double life maybe? Perhaps.

-- Impromptu read more because this got longer than I intended! So the rest is under the cut --

But now let's take a long look at MAG 011, where Oliver, or Antonio if that's easier for anyone? Nah, let's keep it as Oliver— anyways, MAG 011 takes place in 2015, 8 years prior is 2007; but then.. 6 years prior to that, when Oliver's relationship with "Graham" would’ve started... That would've been in 2001 🤔 now why does that particular year ring a bell? Well, that's because in 2001 is when Graham Folger's parents passed away; which would MEAN THAT, if these two had ever dated, then either it would've been just after Graham Folger had lost his parents, OR, the accident would have happened during the start of their relationship. And I do hear that stuff like that either makes or breaks a relationship, so; hey, maybe they would've had problems from the start. Doomed to end before it began, y'know.

But this is what actually made me go back and relisten in MAG 003, again; because I wasn't 100% on that because for whatever reason I had the year 2003 stuck in my head, IDK. Anyways, it was while I was relistening to MAG 003, again, that I realized my timeline... Wasn't entirely correct. Because Amy Patel, yes she first met Graham Folger in 2005; but it was in September 2005; and the real meat of the statement doesn't start until about 4 months after that initial encounter— which means Amy would've started Graham-watching in Dec. 2005 or Jan. 2006.

You know what else I found rather interesting? In the closing comments for this statement that the Archivist gives us, the apartment under Graham Folger's name was sold in... Early 2007. I wonder... How closely that might actually line up with whenever Oliver Banks apparently ended his relationship with "Graham".

But let's loop back to the "Dec. 2005 or Jan. 2006" bit, because in the supposed timeline given to us in Oliver's statement (MAG 011), he and his "Graham" started having issues a year prior to the official break-up. Maybe that's why Amy never would've seen Graham Folger's partner, in the assumption that he had one, because they was havin' issues, so if Graham Folger had a partner, maybe they weren't hanging about too much.

Alternatively, maybe the real kicker, the Real end to this, alleged, relationship, was because things just started being Different around the start of 2006; say maybe around April? April 7th of 2006 if we want to get real specific. Maybe it was after that day that the relationship got just a bit too much.

Maybe, in the last year of this alleged relationship between Oliver Banks and Graham Folger, maybe Oliver tried to make things work, but there was just something so off about "Graham" so... Not-him, and yet this is still the man that Oliver looks at and remembers spending almost 6 years of his life with. But maybe things get just weird enough that, Oliver just does some digging, maybe he's looking for some excuse some reason for why Graham seems so different but so familiar. Maybe there was an update on the accident that happened (either before or after they got together) and it's having an affect on "Graham". Let's say he does this little research deep-dive while at work too. So he's just sitting at his desk, scrolling through old news, etc. etc, maybe checking new stuff, who knows. (And assuming that even digital scans of polaroids are also untampered) He comes across an old picture that, sure enough those are the Folger Parents, but who the hell is that dark haired teenager in the picture?

Now why would this be happening why Oliver is at work? Well, because in MAG 011, Oliver states that he had a breakdown at work that required him to take leave and supposedly helped to fuel his breakup which then left him on a friend's couch. Obviously it could actually be the other way around; that the break-up was the catalyst for the breakdown at work, but this is no longer a post about why Graham Folger and Oliver Banks weren't a thing, but rather a post on why it would hurt so much if they had been.

Because we're gonna switch gears now and take a peek from Not-Graham's perspective. Because what does Not-Graham, the Not-Them, want? Well, we know they like scaring and upsetting people, but Graham Folger isn't exactly a socialite and apparently didn't have enough of an outstanding presence that made him particularly rememberable. But you know what he did have? The table. The same table that the Not-Them really wanted to have smashed up in... MAG 039, I think (IDK main plot is just an entrée for me right now, not super important y'know). So, sure Graham Folger doesn't have a lot of people in his life, but he's got this partner that he was already having a rocky relationship with, so why not make that relationship even more unbearable on the other party? Just make it absolutely intolerable, in the hopes that the partner might just get fed up enough to do something irrational, like smash a table that apparently means just so, so much to "Graham". But in the end that doesn't work, because the partner just ends up dippin' out (side note: love the idea that Oliver is petty in the way that instead of destroying something that he knows his partner is fond of, he just like, sells the fucking table off instead, send the Not-Them on another wild goose chase to find it again, because that would be funny as fuck).

Regardless, around the beginning of 2007, the two will have broken up, and Not-Graham no longer has a reason to keep that flat so it gets sold, because the Not-Them either has the table and fucks off after that, or they gotta start all over again trying to find it, and Oliver cuts ties and starts crashing on a friend's couch.

It's circumstantial, sure. But when you really look at it... The timeline does actually match up pretty well, and I think that's pretty cool.

Anyways, that's all for now. Whether or not Graham Folger & Oliver Banks ever actually had a relationship in canon, who can say.

But if Oliver's "Graham" isn't Graham Folger, then who is it? Well, not to mix podcasts, but anyone here ever listen to The White Vault?

#burl posts #the magnus archives #oliver banks #graham folger #tma theories #i wrote this at like 2 am on my phone so if it's hard to read; that'd be why #also spoilers i guess?#but only really for like... season 1.

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samthemarvelfan · 5 years

Text

Goodbyes: Chapter Eight

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark

Warnings: ANGST, Bucky is a dick, mutual pining, self sabotage, slow burn, alcohol, flirting, swearing. I think that’s it! Def not following a specific MCU canon or timeline.

A/N: I legit can’t believe the love from you all! Gosh my lil heart might burst! Please stick with me after this chapter and please don’t hate me! Patience is a virtue after all. Thank you for every comment, like, message and reblog. Love you endlessly. <3

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry! Tags are OPEN!)

Three fucking weeks.

At this point, you were almost positive you were losing your mind.

Everyone was still in Romania, and you hadn’t had any actual contact with the team. Sam occasionally gave you the smallest of updates, usual in the form of a message that said “we’re alive.”

Gotta love that detail.

Wanda had checked on you too, making sure you were eating, as you had a tendency to forget to when you were stressed.

What drove you mad more than anything was that you hadn’t heard from Bucky. Was it really all in your head? The two of you connecting finally, and then he just vanished without a word?

Sure, maybe you were being irrational and needy. He was working; risking his life for the greater good after all. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Miss Monroe, you’re receiving a call.” FRIDAY’s voice announced.

You jumped off the couch and ran to comm beacon in the middle of the table.

“Hello?” You ask, hopeful.

“Hey, Punchline! Miss me?” Sam’s humorous tone asked.

You couldn’t even speak, the only sound escaping your lips was an almost sob of relief.

You hear Steve chuckle in the background. “I’ll take that as a yes, meet us on the roof in 5?”

“You bet.” You reply quickly.

You pull your gray, half-zip hoodie over your head as you jog to the elevator. “Flight deck.” You announce as you enter.

The doors close and you hear and feel the rumble of the Quinjet docking. “Finally.” You whisper to yourself.

You get to the roof and see the bay doors opening as the ramp drops. Steve is the first one out, followed swiftly by Sam.

“You guys look the shit.” You jest, running at Steve with open arms.

He wraps you in the tightest hug, “Missed you too, Ella.” He laughs.

“How ‘bout me?” Sam asks. You turn to him with a smile, and he embraced you too.

“Is everyone alright? Did you...did you guys...is it done?” You couldn’t really formulate a thought, your mind still wondering how the hell they survived.

Steve nodded. “Every ounce of data we could extract, we did. That base wasn’t even close to inactive. In fact, it was the hub for HYDRA’s new order.”

Your mouth dropped, “What?”

Sam spoke, “Don’t worry, there’s a debriefing tomorrow, we’ll let you know everything we know.”

Your eyes glance behind Steve and Sam. You see Wanda and Vision exit the plane, relieved that they’re okay. You were chewing on your bottom lip, feeling the impatience take hold of you.

Where the hell is he? You thought.

“Hey Ella, listen—“ Sam said, but you tuned him out, hearing more footsteps on the ramp.

There he was, Bucky, safe and—what?

He was holding someone. A woman. Carrying her like a parent does their child after they’ve fallen asleep in the car.

She was stunning. Milky skin with gorgeous red locks. You knew who this was without a doubt, recalling her photo from the file you’d read months ago. Natasha, the Black Widow.

She was smiling. He was smiling. A real, genuine, happy look graced his face as he walked towards you all.

“Barnes, you can put me down now.” She laughed.

He shook his head, “Not a chance, Kitten. Can’t have you runnin’ off on me again can we?”

She pushed some hair out of his face, “I’m not going anywhere this time. I found what I was looking for, and I don’t intend on letting it go.” She smirked her perfect lips at him, causing him to blush.

Bucky places her gently on her feet before looking at you. His eyes looked panicked as he took in the expression on your face.

“You must be Ella! Nice to meet you, I’m Nat. Steve’s told me so much about you.” She smiled, pulling you in for a hug.

Why didn’t Bucky tell you about me? You think begrudgingly.

A smile graced your face nonetheless as you return the hug. “Its an honor, you’re a legend.” You say in an attempt to control your tone. It was true, too. Natasha Romanoff was infamous in your line of work.

“Don’t boost her ego, Kid.” Tony says walking by you.

You smiled politely, eager to escape to your room. “Well you guys must be exhausted, I’ll let you—“

“Hell no. I need a drink and I need one now.” Sam said as he walked towards the door leading back inside.

“You think you get to drink alone, Wilson? I don’t believe that’s how this relationship works.” Tony said as he completed his retinal scan by the keypad.

“We’re gonna have a ‘hey look at that, none of us died’ dinner tonight. Pizza, beer, booze, music. 8 o’clock in the lounge.” Tony said disappearing inside.

You turned around to see Bucky whispering in Natasha’s ear, both laughing like giddy fucking schoolgirls.

Are they...does he...is she... you’re brain tried to think, but it couldn’t seem to complete a thought.

You wanted to punch him in that smug face of his. He didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye to you when he left, and now that he’s back he has the audacity to not say two words to you?

“I’m always down for pizza, how ‘bout you Ella?” Steve asked, swinging an arm around your shoulder and leading you back inside.

Bucky eyed Steve with a curious look, but you couldn’t help smiling at your friend, “Is that even a question, Steve? Pizza is a main food group in my opinion, you know that.”

He and Nat were swiftly on you heels. “You sure about that Els? You look exhausted, have you been sleeping?” Bucky asks from behind you.

You stop suddenly and turn on your heel. Is he serious? The first thing he says to you is basically ‘you look like shit’ and ‘please don’t come to this party’.

“Now that you mention it, Sergeant, I haven’t been sleeping. I was worried about my friends. Wondering when and if I’d see them again, I’d hate to leave thing left unsaid,”

You grab Steve’s and Sam’s hand in each of yours and lift them, “But it looks like everyone I care about made it back on one piece.”

You turn back around and head into the elevator with everyone.

You stood in your room, fuming.

Is this really who you’ve become? This pathetic teenager pining after someone who will never be hers?

It sure seems that way.

Your stomach churns at the image of he and Nat...together.

An excessive groan leaves your lips as you flop on the bed, ready to let yourself wallow.

Your plans, however, are interrupted by a knock on your door. “What?!” You scream.

The door opens slowly, “I thought you’d have missed me?” Wanda says.

You shoot up, and smile like an idiot. “Of course I missed you, Wan. I’m so glad you’re back!” You embrace her.

The two of you had become quite close recently, and it was so nice to have a girl friend around again.

“Then why do I get the feeling I interrupted a wallowing session, hm?” She said slyly.

You raise an eyebrow at her, “Wan...” You scold.

“I know, I know—stay outta your head. But Ella, your thoughts are so loud I can barely hear my own!” She laughed.

You sigh and sit on the edge of your bed, Wanda joining you.

“I’m just mad. I’m mad at myself for acting like a love struck teenager, I’m mad at him for yoyo-ing me all the damn time. I’m just...”

“In love.” She finished your sentence.

You laugh aloud, “Wan, you have to know someone to love them. That big oaf of a man is too damn stubborn to let anyone in! Besides, I don’t think it’s me he wants.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” She asked.

You stand heading to your closet, looking through clothes to wear for tonight.

“Nothing. Forget I mentioned it.”

Wanda’s footsteps followed you, “I know you say Bucky’s stubborn, but so are you, Ella.” She smiled softly, her nimble fingers landing on a black velvet dress.

“This one.” She says. The long sleeved, deep v dress was your absolute favorite, and also very fancy.

“Isn’t that a bit much?” You ask.

She raised her eyebrows at you. “Uh, have you met Tony? He says ‘pizza and beer’ but he means a gala... with less people.”

“Fine, but I swear to God if you don’t dress up too then I’m coming back here and putting on pajamas.” You hold your pinky out to her.

She hooks it with a smile, “Deal.”

8 o’clock comes far too fast in your opinion.

You’d spent the last two hours in your bathroom doing your makeup and hair, and you look damn good.

The dress rested a bit below mid-thigh, and fit you perfectly. You make a mental not to thank Wanda later for forcing you into it.

“Breathe, Ella.” You say to yourself as the elevator carries you to the lounge floor.

Your black heels click through the corridor, the sound softening as your ears fill with classic rock from the end of the hall.

You slowly push the wooden door open, and spot everyone mingling. Maria Hill was there, as was Rhodey, and another man you’d never met before.

“Oh shoot! I didn’t know we had a supermodel living with us!” Sam shouts.

You laugh, “Oh shut up, you’ve clearly already been drinking.”

He shook his head, “So what? I still got eyes, don’t I?”

“You look beautiful.” Steve says cutting Sam off, placing a kiss on your cheek.

You blush, “Thank you, Steve. You boys clean up pretty nice too. I don’t think we’ve ever seen each other like this.”

Steve shakes his head, “Not exactly the suit I’m most comfortable in.” He took a sip of what you assume is scotch. “What are you drinkin’, sweetheart?” He asks.

“Honestly? Anything with vodka. Then I’ll have a shot or two.” You say, taking a seat at the high top table next to him.

“Coming right up, Sam why don’t you come with me fore you dig a deeper hole for yourself?”

You hear Sam grumbling as Steve drags him away, and you suddenly feel yourself being watched.

You scan the room, and spot him almost instantly. He’s standing with Nat, her back to you, leaning on the bar.

Bucky’s eyes, though glassy from the booze no doubt, had never been more focused.

His gaze roamed your body from your feet to your face. He licked his lips slowly, before capturing his bottom one in his teeth.

Shaking your head, you look away from him. “Don’t even think about it, buddy.” You mutter to yourself. You glance at him quickly one final time and see Nat waving her hand in front of his face.

Bucky’s trance seems to get broken and he falls back into conversation with her with ease.

“Moscow Mule? I think that’s what the bartender called it.” Steve says approaching you.

A light bulb suddenly goes off in your head.

“Steve? Can I ask for a favor?” You say, squeezing the lime into your drink

He nods, “Anything, what’s on your mind?”

You let out a large breath. “Okay, please don’t think I’m immature but I’ve been thoroughly pissed at your best pal over there,” you gesture with a nod of your head.

“and I’d really like to get him back for all the shit he’s put me through.”

Steve sips his drink again, as Sam places 3 shot of Jameson on the table. “What did you have in mind?”

Bucky’s breathing stopped the moment he saw her. He didn’t think she could get anymore beautiful.

Turns out he was incredibly, outstandingly wrong.

He felt his heat racing and his blood pumping, drowning out whatever Nat was telling him about her plans for the evening.

Ella’s eyes were everything to him. They bared her soul and showed him her heart at the same time. He’d never been able to see a future for himself, until she fell into his life.

He worried about her constantly. Not being able to see her or talk to her or hear her voice for nearly 3 weeks drove him crazy. Then seeing her in the state she was in, so obviously sleep deprived and stressed. He hated himself for making her worry so much, and it was clear she wasn’t too happy with him when he got back this morning.

“Hello, Earth to Barnes? Did you hear me?” Nat said, waving her hand.

Bucky shook his head, “No sorry, what was that?”

Nat smiled slyly. “Mhm, your girls got you in a tizzy, that’s for sure.” She said, sipping her martini.

Bucky smiled shyly. “She’s not my girl, no matter how much I wish she was.”

Nat slapped his lapel, “So what the fuck are you doing fuck standing here with me?!”

“Ow! Okay, okay! Christ, shouldn’t you be fucking Banner in a utility closet or something?” He laughed stepping away from her.

“All in good time, Barnes. Now go get your girl.” She said spinning away from him.

Bucky’s eyes traveled to where she was standing, but she wasn’t there. Sam was in her spot, downing a shot Bucky was sure he’d regret in the morning.

He maneuvered around the groups of people, searching for her. The soft rock music playing poignantly through the speakers, he sees a few couples dancing.

He scoots around them and spots Steve.

Good for him. He thought happily to himself.

When Steve sways around with his partner, he sees its not a random guest he’s dancing with. Steve is dancing with a beautiful girl, a woman, Bucky’s girl.

Bucky wants to throw up and kick his ass all at once.

But then he sees Ella.

She’s smiling, and comfortable. She’s happy as she rests her head on Steve’s chest, and sways to the rhythm of the song.

The alcohol in his system doesn’t make these feelings any easier to handle. His vibranium fist clenching and unclenching.

A whirring sound get both Steve and your attention. That’s when you see Bucky standing about 10 feet away from the two of you as he watches dance.

“Hey Buck, wh—“

“Shut the fuck up, Steve.” Bucky slurs.

Your eyes widen at the words he says to his friend. Bucky is visibly shaking, and obviously drunk—probably more so than you, and that’s saying something since Sam kept the shots coming.

“Bucky, stop.” You say before your mind can stop you.

He lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Not fucking him, huh?” He spat in anger as he pushed by you, leaving the lounge all together.

Steve looked to the door, then to you. Your eyes brimming with tears as you swallowed a sob.

He looks at you with a sad smile, and nods his head toward the door. “Go get him.”

Chapter Nine: Seen

#samthemarvelfan #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fic #winter solider fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fanfic #mcu bucky #mcu fanfiction #bucky barnes series #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #Goodbyes

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Liam & Edie

Liam: [alright so she’s gonna get there super early so the first question is do we want any kind of interaction with his poor mother first or do we save that for later]

Edie: [In my head it’s literally early enough that she could still be asleep but also if it’s the week ‘cos summer, she COULD be going to work, unless she does a moomin and takes it off, so I’m easy with either]

Liam: [yeah I was thinking like it’s technically day 5 but it’s early enough of an arrival you could call it day 4 because we’re extra, so she probably would be asleep but equally, she could’ve woken up early to say happy bday and all that before she has to go to work because I feel like she’d wanna take the day off but he’d be essentially like nah don’t I’ll see you later 1. Because Edie is coming and 2. Because fuck birthdays anyway even before we knew that was a thing that’d be happening]

Liam: [maybe it’s like she was gonna go in and wake him up but surprise we’re already up and chilling in our dead sister’s room and surprise x2 Edie is already here hello]

Edie: [your poor mother, so shooketh, so not prepared for this, at least Edie will be being polite to you because we wanna make a good first impression and we’re not a dick but we are still weird and here at like the arse crack of dawn so hi]

Liam: [at least for our plot purposes she’ll be too caught unawares to spoil the bday secret because up til now his phone wouldn’t be popping off too hard as it’s early and normal people are asleep]

Edie: [can we just take a moment to think about the fact this is the first time actually meeting each other]

Liam: [it blows my mind when I do think about it, honestly, I need to know all about her lewk please because we know how excited you’d be about this gal]

Edie: [I will have to find one because yes, you’ve gotta do your most to be cute]

Liam: [I care very much what colour your hair is and how hard you’re serving even though I know damn well all you’ve done so far is sit on his sister’s floor and talk and talk and TALK because not an exaggeration at all to say he wants to know everything about her, that’s his intense brand]

Liam: [but also what time does the sun come up in late August? Would that be too early to say she arrived before then so they can watch it together like they did the comet]

Edie: [we know we’d show up whenever, try and stop us famalam, so yes that’s definitely a thing we can say happens, I hope you live near-ish though or what time are you setting off from yours hen]

Liam: [ngl if she showed up at 3 or 4am I wouldn’t be surprised and he wouldn’t mind so fill your boots kids, we can totally say he lives close because that isn’t something we’ve given an Ali kid before and like I can see his parents being like the country air and peace and quiet etc will totally help our dying child, as if this is victorian times or whatever]

Edie: [tbf cities are grubby i’m sorrrrrrrrryyy anyway, love that for you, you can live on a busy bit of the countryside, a nice cul-de-sac mayhaps, at least you won’t get murdered lurking in the dark]

Liam: [get on zoopla and find us a cute gaff boo]

Edie: [heheheheh, okay so we know how we’re starting our day, what’s next]

Liam: [I think we’ve just gotta run this and see what pops up as we’re pondering cos y’all are wild could be anything going on, bye to his mum go get ready for work and then go gal you can do some bday cliches when you get back at like 4, Edie’ll know by then, so once his mum has swiftly excited just 👀 because even if you’ve got no feelings it’s super cute that she wants to make a good impression]

Edie: [just smiley blush like what, not commenting on his ma yet ‘cos she didn’t have time to really make an impression so we don’t need to do that ‘can’t have her changing her mind about loving the idea already’]

Liam: [get a bit closer to her so you can look at her even more intensely because she’s being even cuter with her lil blush and smile moment and this was such a good idea thank god ‘don’t change yours either’]

Edie: [just shaking our head hardcore ‘cos can’t speak suddenly]

Liam: [‘she’s not Lexie levels but still off putting, I know’ soz to his poor mum for vaguely giving a shit haha]

Edie: [‘you’ve not met mine’ like probably has on the low but shh the point is we know what all mums are like, in one way or another, ‘yet’ very much implying we cannot be put off tah]

Liam: [‘can I?’ has only just met you and wants to meet your mum, what boy in what universe would ever want that 🚩]

Edie: [my boo says run she says no, nod as enthusiastically purely ‘cos he wants to and we will not be saying no to anything]

Liam: [get even closer to her obvs because she just keeps being adorable with her enthusiasm and he’s obvs about it, just gonna be 👀 a mm away from her face in a sec]

Edie: [at least you can gently pull on the necklace he should be wearing ‘cos sent in the post]

Liam: [and you can kiss better wherever she got hers from even though it’s gonna be healed by now like she made you do at the time]

Edie: [genuinely wasn’t trying to be that bitch but I just googled where heals fastest when cut ‘cos that bitch and he didn’t want pain and bloody drama so and it literally said the mouth LMAO soz Liam I don’t make the rules-]

Liam: [soz not soz that you’re having your first kiss then lads]

Edie: [it’s kinda sweet that you aren’t like, actually kissing, if you know what I mean, like it’s about something else]

Liam: [it’s very pure and very your energy as a couple]

Edie: [you’ll be dying girl but that’s a moment]

Liam: [he genuinely would ask her if she/that was okay because we know she’s not had a boyfriend before because Rio would not stop hammering that point home]

Edie: [we’re so obviously more than okay but likewise not trying to be like OTT and put pressure on him because we’ve been told what Lexie was like, just smile and nod]

Liam: [pull her to her feet and to your room because we’ve not been in there yet but y’all are gonna find this robot dog]

Edie: [get to go through all his childhood things lowkey love that for yous just asking all the questions]

Liam: [and we’re definitely giving it to you which is another moment because he loved it]

Edie: [we’ve gotta pimp that pup up somehow, which is within your wheelhouse deffo ‘what’s he called?’]

Liam: [‘Chip’ and a face like yeah I know I was a kid byeee]

Edie: [just loving on it like a real dog, ‘I fucked with the beast’ ‘cos of course you did lmao]

Liam: [he’s as amused as I was when I read that because of course she did is right, clearly gonna put that film on for her]

Edie: [love that childlike energy for you too, definitely raiding for the good snacks even though it’s so early because why not sugar rush]

Liam: [same because we all know he didn’t get a chill childhood, at least there would be great snacks in because it being his bday and his mum hoping she can rock a birthday tea vibe on the low]

Edie: [sneaky bday energy, god bless, just find out what each others faves are]

Liam: [taking so many cute pics and vids during all this, be jealous everyone]

Edie: [I do have cute bed ones so have a duvet day until the notifs come in]

Liam: [gives him a reason for his phone to be blowing up but that’s not why we’re doing it, he’s just obsessed with the bae’s happiness]

Edie: [I can send them to you if you like]

Liam: [please do]

Edie: [at least you can take his phone under the assumption of taking a picture of him because he’s taken loads of you]

Liam: [and he’s not gonna stop you because he’s not stupid enough to have anything incriminating about stalking your sister on there and obvs isn’t thinking about it being his bday]

Edie: [awkward when you don’t wanna be like oh it’s your birthday but you can’t not be like that because then you’d be acting weird, just pull up whoever’s said happy bday latest like hey but soft]

Liam: [such a genuine shrug like oh yeah that idc]

Edie: [‘why didn’t you tell me?’ but without the 🥺 tone, genuine asking]

Liam: [‘I didn’t want you to know’ true but then you realise how it sounds so ‘it’s pressure on you and it don’t matter to me’]

Edie: [when there is nothing you can say to that but ‘fair enough’ because it is and we’re not gonna force it into a Big Thing ™ ‘we’re still having fun though’ because y’all are that’s facts]

Liam: [‘I can’t remember a birthday this about me’ because we can’t say he’s never had a fun bday ever but he’s never been the centre of attention ‘it is enough, and fun, having you here’]

Edie: [‘that is pressure… without anyone else taking any of the focus at all’ ‘cos we have plenty of siblings so we know what he’s saying, nothing is entirely about you when there’s other kids to still care about, make the robo dog kiss his cheek ‘it can be as fun as you like, and we can stay in all day, or go out too, it’s all up to you’]

Liam: [kiss her on the cheek thank you boy because she’s being a babe]

Edie: [🥰 look as we get up ‘what’s your favourite breakfast?’ like let’s go make that happen]

Liam: [I’m gonna say his fave is a full english/irish because when does anyone ever have the time or energy for all that faff so we can make you feel special here boy]

Edie: [giving you 2 options like we can make it here for you and that could include a shop dash to get all the bits which would be cute OR we can go to a cafe and get it and dine and dash which would also be cute]

Liam: [under duress I am voting for dine and dash because it feels very them and we’ll have loads of time to be domestic when they’re squatting in the holiday cottage etc]

Edie: [then let’s ride lads, the greasiest spoon we can find please]

Liam: [forever a mood]

Edie: [have a cute handhold as you walk, also enjoy the height difference imagine]

Liam: [don’t even I can’t fathom how tall he is, it’s crazy]

Edie: [love that you’re taller than our dad, taller than Buster, flex on ‘em babe you got that reach, it’s very much that picture of ariana and pete ‘cos that’s about y’alls heights lol]

Liam: [not to be that bitch but you would feel so safe and protected like I do get it]

Edie: [and I’m sorry but if you’re even a slightly curvier gal you can’t be with a small lad you feel like you’ll break them lmao]

Liam: [so many gals salty as hell at you rn Edie so soz]

Edie: [you love to see it, don’t get too close or we will fuck you up hens]

Liam: [I’m trying to think if there’s anything else cool they could do while they’re out cos I wanna keep the vibe chill but]

Edie: [we could go to the beach today, or we could find another thing for the ‘main event’ without being like this is what you’re doing for your bday highkey, perhaps something typical childhood birthday like bowling or laser tag that kind of energy]

Liam: [sadly you’re too much a giant to sneak into soft play]

Edie: [yes they usually have an age limit of 10-12 if memory serves and there’s no believing that lmao, although we could force the twins to go at a later date and go in with them]

Liam: [we’ll definitely give you another chance to go]

Edie: [okay so getting a bouncy castle to just put up and then we’re also having jelly and ice cream]

Liam: [green jelly is the best so you can pop off with 👽]

Edie: [i’m gonna try to find vibes deffo]

Liam: [actually love that you’ve gone from hanging out in his house to hanging out in a field and it’s the best birthday he’s had probably ever]

Liam: [kinda wanna let y’all have your first kiss on the bouncy castle but kinda have had that ruined for us by skins]

Edie: [#reclaimit and like, as much as y’all just having a good ass time getting to know each other, the casual tension still]

Liam: [it’s very much NOT a platonic good time and we all know it]

Edie: [we are not here to deny what’s here tah]

Liam: [only question is how far we’re taking it because y’all could hook up on it but you could also not]

Edie: [hmm, on the one hand, we absolutely would ‘cos wanna but on the other, I can see y’all making a slightly bigger thing out of it without you know, lighting candles lol, but you get me]

Liam: [same actually because you’re very romantic]

Edie: [right? Like it’ll deffo be in your way still but it’s your first time both of yas so you can make a thing of it if you bloody well like]

Liam: [and no shade to anyone because I’m not saying they should but not enough of our ships do make it a thing™️ because they just carried away by their feels and hormones lol, he has that degree of restraint, albeit for a sad reason so you might as well use it]

Edie: [no wonder you get so caught up in this babe, casual fairytale]

Liam: [me too gurl, me too, casually too invested in this doomed couple nbd]

Edie: [so sad, soz guys we’re rude]

Liam: [anything else cute we wanna do before your mum gets back and makes you do the cliche bday cake moment and you can get the bae to blow out your candles with you because have all the wishes my love]

Edie: [I think this gives us a good framework for how it’s gonna go, lots of cuteness, doing the least but making it the most]

Liam: [thank god it’s still summer so nobody can force you back home because you’ll both be gutted]

Edie: [fight us fam we clearly aren’t going anywhere, I like to think you got something for his mum whilst out even though it’s probably a bottle of wine neither of you can buy so bit cheeky but still cute]

Liam: [that’s adorable af, his mum can’t be mad we know she knows him and his sister did a lot worse, even if she doesn’t know it all but what does make me laugh is that she’d blatantly not let Edie stay the night because of how obvs underage she is and it’s like oh hun we’ve had many many opportunities to hook up all day but sure]

Edie: [love when parents draw that line, like this is why teens hook up in cars and anywhere else they can, also tis possible in daylight but god bless you for trying hun]

Liam: [so many parents do and there’s literally so many worse things he could be doing and in Liam’s case has done but pop off]

Edie: [oh when this baby is announced lmao sozzzzzzz]

Liam: [she’s gonna be UPSET, but in the now you can walk her home and that’s always cute af]

Edie: [so gentlemanly, also gonna bring you in impromptu to meet Ali like hello mother]

Liam: [the levels he’d just wanna stay because technically not breaking the rules to be over at the cali gaff but contrary to what I just said about baby Libi he doesn’t actually wanna upset his mum so he wouldn’t]

Edie: [we’ll let you be good today, of all days, let me post my ting and know the last pic is like now in a miss you already way]

Liam: [I’m cackling imagining Grace appearing like the extra child she is]

Edie: [curtain-twitching like a baby nosy hoe, I lol]

Liam: [thank god Lexie isn’t really crazy or you’d have to look out for her being at the window too]

Edie: [we ain’t afraid of you it’s definitely the other way round rn]

Liam: [hilarious considering how pure you’ve been all day]

Edie: tell me when you get home

Liam: I don’t want to get home

Edie: If you go somewhere I have to come

Liam: I know 😇 I promise

Liam: I’ll come back for you when it’s a new day

Edie: I’m not wishing this one away, I didn’t

Edie: I don’t want it to end

Liam: me either, but no spoilers or the wish will glitch and we won’t get what we did ask for

Edie: 😶

Edie: and we’ve got to follow the rules or you’ll turn into a 🎃 tonight

Liam: a massive me sized 🎃 do you think or one you could carry round

Edie: I could live in a you sized 🎃 but I’m not sure how comfortable that would be for you

Edie: but what if I dropped you if you were normal sized 😭

Liam: I’ve seen you on a bouncy castle, you’re not clumsy

Edie: despite your best attempts to floor me

Liam: you gave as good

Edie: yeah

Edie: I hope so

Liam: there was no cracking under the pressure

Edie: then you’ll have me back

Edie: and kiss me again

Liam: we can go back for as long as it stays up, then I’ll kiss you somewhere else

Edie: please

Edie: and you felt it

Edie: the kiss, it was more than nothing

Liam: I wouldn't have done it if it was nothing, how I know you feel is important and I'm not gonna hurt you

Edie: I know

Edie: I trust you

Edie: I’m just being annoying trying to make you say it

Liam: you couldn’t annoy me if you was trying, I’m on too big of a high from meeting you

Edie: I had the best day

Liam: I’ve gotta say thanks for today, meaning tomorrow’ll have an edge on it for being all about what you wanna do instead of me getting older

Edie: you don’t

Edie: it was mutual

Edie: you even let me help you blow out your candles

Liam: if I didn’t it’s 🎂 wasted you gave me the best 🎁 by being there, right before you were I still thought you might not show

Edie: a tiny part of me wasn’t sure

Edie: what if it messed everything we’d built up

Edie: but it didn’t

Liam: yeah, that was on my mind too, I’m either too much or not enough when I can’t moderate it how I do online, faker than my 🦎🧠 has got me used to acting, and found out for it sooner

Liam: but it wasn’t like that today

Edie: it’s easier when you can code the best response

Edie: put whatever skin on it works best in that moment

Edie: but this was better than anything I’ve made or seen in cyberspace so far

Liam: your fave 🤖 is a compliment I'll take any time, like

Edie: don’t tell Chip

Liam: he’s got more to rub in my face, he got to stay, I wouldn’t start it

Edie: [pic of him tucked up casually]

Edie: bit smug, tbh

Liam: in the world we just woke him up from I could be 💔😭 he’ll have to try harder now

Edie: [a pic of him up on her titties like mr steal yo gurl]

Edie: 😱😱

Edie: I’m gonna need to train him

Liam: I remember him as naughtier than me

Edie: checks out

Edie: you’re very 😇

Liam: if it was up to him you’d be sleeping on the bouncy castle together, however many rules it breaks

Edie: I think it’d be cosy

Edie: tomorrow though, we can have a nap

Liam: waiting until my ma falls asleep and I can sneak out, it’d be tomorrow

Edie: it’s not breaking the rules, if you’re sure

Edie: you can leave a note for when she wakes up

Liam: if you are, we’re doing what you want

Edie: obviously I want to

Liam: have to keep you up half the night first

Edie: you’d already done that without trying

Edie: but I’m not turning down more

Liam: me or the beast 😏

Edie: I’m not saying you’re covered in brown fur

Edie: but you are that big so

Edie: little column A little column B 😏

Liam: I’ll check the coat cupboard, might get me closer to ticking both boxes for you

Edie: 😂

Edie: you tick every box, you don’t need to kidnap my dad to make that happen

Liam: don’t be so quick to say no to something I know you’d like

Edie: 😍 okay, only if we see him on the way

Edie: tomorrow ain’t about him

Liam: 🎼

Liam: I should’ve got you to sing something other than happy birthday, lock my ma in as part of your fan club

Edie: karaoke night 👩‍🎤👨‍🎤

Liam: she’d have your arm off, to take you up on the idea and to take the 🎤 off you for her turn

Edie: I’ll bring the machine and plenty of 90s bops

Liam: what would your first pick be

Edie: 🤔

Edie: I’d have to pick My Heart Will Go On to win your ma over, obviously

Edie: assuming she’s not fuming I’ve stolen it

Liam: too 😤 at the ending as if everyone don’t know the boat sinks and loads of people die

Liam: go for the Whitney song, the film’s got a lower body count

Edie: just poor Whit IRL

Edie: 😎 he’s no beast but

Liam: you don’t want no posh 🤴 sort over a handworking lad who keeps coming through for you, I keep saying you’re smart

Edie: makes my motives sound a bit evil

Edie: nothing but true ❤️ works remember

Liam: but you wouldn’t fall in love with someone you’ve got nothing in common with, there’d be no connection

Edie: true

Liam: I’d never call out your motives as evil, even a bit

Edie: you can if I am ever 👻👺🧙‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧛‍♀️👹💀 to you

Liam: that’s more far fetched than you and 🤴

Edie: who did you have a crush on as a kid

Liam: 🧚

Edie: Good choice

Liam: - as many points off as deserved for Lexie and I’ve still got proven good taste

Edie: I get it

Edie: I can see the appeal

Liam: being able to fly is enough of one

Edie: She looks like she might 🎯 a bitch for you but she’s the Wendy really

Liam: there's no appeal to Lex and no need to try and find it

Edie: 🏹🏹🏹💘

Edie: She’s 💀 to us

Liam: and soon to the rest of her mates including your sister

Edie: I hadn’t thought about her all day

Edie: Or anyone else

Edie: just you

Liam: you don't have to think about her ever again

Edie: I won’t show up and 😭 at her ⚰️🪦 when we bury her

Edie: We’ve got plans

Liam: I only mentioned her at all as a - bc you're such a massive + but I probably should've said that without her name being dropped in

Edie: nah, not even mentioning her is gonna affect how +++ this all is

Liam: it makes me seem like I've got her on my mind though and I don't want you to think I do

Edie: you can tell me what really is then

Edie: even if that’s tinkerbell

Edie: or that fry-up still

Liam: you are, and when my ma is gonna go the fuck to bed so I can kiss you again

Edie: I can feel the 👻 of you, your lips touching mine and where your hands were and where I wanted them to be next

Edie: it’s making me wish I were 🧚 so I could find a drowsiness potion to give her or just sprinkle some pixie dust on you so you could fly in my window right now

Edie: weren’t my 🎂 wish though, no spoilers ever 🤐

Edie: I could kiss you all night

Edie: And all day

Edie: But I have got other things we can do, even though it’s my day tomorrow, can’t be that selfish

Liam: not kissing all day or all night if that’s what you’ve decided but long enough for my hands to go where you wanted them next, yeah? i’d say it’d more be selfish if you didn’t share the complete thought with me

Edie: You don’t know exactly what I want?

Edie: It felt like you knew to me

Liam: it sounds better if I say I don’t and get it right instead of saying I do and getting it wrong

Edie: You haven’t got any of this wrong, trust me

Liam: honestly didn’t feel like I had but my instincts ain’t as easy to trust as you are

Edie: I promise I’ll tell you if you ever do

Edie: but you aren’t going to

Liam: that’s the connection I was going on about before, useful for the beginning, middle and the happy ending

Edie: You’re better than any lad in any film

Liam: you’re all I wanna see on film

Edie: bring a 📹

Liam: look for the ⏺️ light flashing in your window

Edie: like a 🌠

Liam: and ⏰ which won’t trigger 🚨 before we can get you out

Edie: I have had previous experience sneaking out, even if not to meet boys

Edie: that bit, I can do

Liam: there’s shit you can’t do, don’t believe that bit for a sec

Edie: 😏 you know

Edie: as my sister tried to make me sound like a total child

Liam: she knows you different to me, you’re a separate person to her than how you exist when we’re together

Edie: yeah

Edie: that’s how she likes to keep us, still about 7 in her head

Liam: my sister went the other way, she wasn’t waiting round for me to grow up when she could tell me to hurry up and do x z or z thing with her

Edie: it’s cool, that she didn’t treat you like an incapable kid

Edie: better, anyway, right?

Liam: but sometimes I wish she’d let me be one, it don’t matter, you can’t turn round like not today I wanna go to the park with my mates, not with lads I already knew were gonna be gone long before her, not to do fuck all instead of a crazy scheme

Edie: being ‘grown’ is only fun if it’s how you wanna do it, that’s definitely the main draw of not being a kid, doing exactly what you want and when

Edie: less shine if it isn’t your scheme

Liam: I think it’d be 🌟✨ to be looked after, but I get it’d fade for me if I had a sister like yours

Edie: you already charmed her, she’ll extend the courtesy to you now too I bet

Liam: it’s too late for me to start living like that

Edie: not if you want it

Edie: we can do it

Liam: I ain’t had a family in so long, I dunno if I could do it

Edie: we don’t need mine

Edie: we can have our own

Liam: can we

Edie: yes

Edie: and we can do anything and everything you missed out on

Liam: what happens if nothing changes and I’m stuck as a 🤖

Edie: if that happens then a baby won’t

Liam: and you’ll have to leave

Edie: no

Liam: I’m not taking no for an answer or asking anyone to love me if I can’t love them back

Edie: I can do it

Liam: your ++++ can’t make up for such a massive - in me

Edie: don’t give in yet

Edie: we have nothing but time

Liam: I’m saying it before I give in to you and believe we can do this

Edie: okay

Edie: I am listening

Liam: I’m not dying, I don’t get to be as selfish as my sister and I wanna care more than my parents

Edie: I love that about you

Edie: not enough people give a shit about anyone who isn’t themselves

Edie: or act like they’re a saint if the list includes the person they’re fucking too

Liam: we can’t do things just to try and force me to feel, even though I want to

Edie: it’s up to you

Edie: all of it

Edie: I don’t want to force you to do anything

Liam: it’s not, it’s equally up to you

Edie: Kinda

Edie: but I already feel things for you

Liam: I’m not gonna let your feelings force you to do anything same as you’re not gonna let what I don’t do it for me

Edie: I won’t let this fail

Liam: me either

Edie: does 16 feel any different

Liam: only bc of how I celebrated it

Edie: well I like that 🥰

Edie: I’m getting you a gift, just give me time

Liam: you’ve given me loads of 🎁🎁

Edie: nothing I could tie up with a bow

Liam: you could do a 🎀 in your hair before you come out, but it probably won’t help with your sister thinking you’re a kid still

Edie: 🤞 she shouldn’t be seeing me

Liam: or the 📹 footage of you 👧🏼

Edie: not for her 👀

Edie: or anyone else’s if we decide

Liam: if they’ve not had their fix of you today that’s their 💔

Edie: I’m for you

Liam: I’m buzzing not to be afraid of that, maybe normal is overrated this time

Edie: maybe it’s just scary

Liam: you’re not

Edie: 👺

Liam: you’re 🔥 people are scared of it but it’s not about you, it’s a them thing

Edie: I could cry

Edie: again

Edie: I’ll burn it all down

Liam: you’ve been crying

Edie: only happy crying

Liam: you nearly did force a fear response there for a sec

Edie: I didn’t mean to baby

Liam: I know, it was a me thing too

Edie: how’d it feel though, as it nearly happened

Liam: I was about to leave and make sure you were alright, I forgot about happy crying

Edie: 🚨🚨🚨

Edie: I can’t remember the last time I felt that, actually

Liam: it’s the kind of day for it, I can’t remember spending this much time with someone and thinking it wasn’t enough

Edie: Me either

Edie: I usually zone out after a sentence or two

Edie: it’s enough to know we have nothing worth discussing

Edie: sounds fake, how hard I’ve gone here, but I never care enough

Liam: it’d sound fake how hard I relate to not giving a fuck about anyone or anything in years before this

Edie: people reckon it’d be freeing, not relating, not being connected to anyone else

Edie: and I guess it is

Edie: but it’s boring before it’s anything else

Liam: and I’d come across as certifiably crazy if I tried to explain what walking round as me with everyone else seeming so unreal was like

Edie: people are idiots

Edie: they wouldn’t take the time to get it

Edie: just take it as a 🔫 admission or some shit

Liam: they’d only take the time to feel bad for me, I’m down for no more of that as long as I live

Edie: fuck that shit

Liam: yeah

Edie: when school starts, we’re gonna fuck shit up

Edie: without a 🔫

Liam: we should go in the night before

Edie: dedicated 😍

Liam: not saying I’ve got my ear to my ma’s door at the minute bc that’d be weird but I am, yeah

Edie: if you want something to listen to

Edie: [a song that’s clearly about today]

Liam: if you wanna hear a review I’m gonna need longer than it clearly took you to write that

Liam: I seriously don’t know what to say

Edie: it’d sound pretentious to say I think in lyrics but there’s always a tune in my head so

Edie: when you’re as inspiring as you are

Liam: when I can finally get out of here I know exactly what to do, putting words to my reaction to you being everything you are can wait

Edie: I’ll do my best to wait

Edie: but that sounds 🥴

Liam: I’m not waiting, I’ll make sure she don’t hear me go

Edie: I believe in you 😶

Liam: [obvs do that and show up to her window because we all know you can and it wouldn’t take you very long]

Edie: [question is are you ground floor music room or your room and Billie better be asleep lmao]

Liam: [how do you want it boo cos both are moods]

Edie: [I say go for your room so you have to climb and you have to control your excitement ‘til you too are out of the window]

Liam: [soz that he is gonna kiss you literally immediately though like as he’s coming through the window so you really are gonna have to control your excitement gal and also your volume]

Edie: [good luck with that sweetie, love this for you two]

Liam: [just fully making out rn nbd]

Edie: [sorry we must literally]

Liam: [do leave before you wake Billie up though lads]

Edie: [you gotta because we do not have that much chill to get any further than this]

Liam: [it’s been an overwhelming af day we’ll allow the lack of chill and get you away from the fam]

Edie: [run babies run, we’re so 😍]

Liam: [get back to the bouncy castle because y’all are 10000% those bitches who would legit kiss for hours just for the joy of it]

Edie: [you’ll be dying but in the best way]

Liam: [like who else is gonna be fully savouring this bit for what it is and how it feels in its own right, we know it’s you]

Edie: [you’ve been feeling fuck all, you deserve it, we will be putting across as much]

Liam: [and she’s never felt like this before either so we don’t need to be rushing anything rn or ever]

Edie: [exactly, ugh, so cute, you definitely brought a blanket before you ran]

Liam: [the adorable snuggles you can have bye]

Edie: [‘this was the best day ever’ so sincerely]

Liam: [just nod because we very much agree to a speechless level]

Edie: [sing to him IRL but not in a cringe way lol, a chill one]

Liam: [that is everything though]

Edie: [just that happy soz]

Liam: [not at all soz]

Edie: [what a time, deffo think one of you should get in a bit of trouble for being out right now, even if they can’t find you ‘til they do, like either his mum or someone in cali gaff wakes up like hello?]

Liam: [maybe his mum because it do be her rule and she do be extra rn in terms of her emotions and realistically even if Billie did wake up she’s not gonna dob you in]

Edie: [seems legit, how would he wanna deal, ‘cos his phone can be blowing up as soon as she realises]

Liam: [sadly he’s probably gonna have to go back because he’s not ever a fuck you mum kinda bitch, unlike 99% of the other characters lol, but he’d be leaving it as long as he could]

Edie: [we understand even if this back and forth is a trip, the bouncy castle was nearby so you’re fine]

Liam: [it would be very obvious at least that he does NOT want to go, so he’s not just messing you about intentionally gal]

Edie: [whatever we might be thinking, we know it’s not that energy like you’re not a fuckboy tah everyone]

Liam: [when your mum is overprotective as hell but you’re still gonna die soz hun]

Edie: [it’s very rude to everyone you included hun]

Liam: [and you can’t even talk to the bae cos she’s gonna be popping off at you for ages]

Edie: [we can skip but I’ll just do some immediate afters from her first]

Edie: sorry sorry sorry

Edie: hope you don’t get in so much shit we can’t meet up later

Edie: just tell me when you can

Liam: I won’t, I’ll talk her round, don’t worry

Liam: when she lets me talk

Edie: does she hate me

Liam: I didn’t tell her I was with you, she’s only 😡 at me

Edie: what did you say that she believed

Liam: my mates were 🥺 bc I’d been with you all day

Edie: fair play, boys are clingy like that

Liam: she’s have an unhappy cry and we’ll move past it

Edie: should I have told you no?

Liam: you didn’t know she was gonna find out, I should’ve

Edie: I didn’t want to, I didn’t want you to want to either

Edie: but I feel bad if I make her cry

Liam: it isn’t really about me not being here, it’s about my sister not, this is what she gets like every year

Edie: yeah, of course

Edie: it’s not about us

Edie: be nice if there was something we could do now but I know that’s probably not the case either

Liam: she’ll feel better after she’s shouted at me

Edie: 🔇

Liam: [a gap while that’s going on, such fun I’m sure]

Liam: it’s sorted

Edie: you okay?

Liam: if you can’t hurt me, she ain’t gonna

Edie: are you tired though

Edie: as it’s my day, I can make you have a nap, if you need it

Liam: you’re gonna make me 😴 when there’s 0 limits on what we could do

Liam: serious

Edie: if that’s a challenge to make you 😴 with everything we’re GONNA do

Edie: then challenge accepted

Liam: how much of a challenge are you gonna make it for me to find out what that everything is

Edie: as much of a challenge to be fun

Edie: can’t have you getting bored as well as 😴

Liam: it’ll be a fun challenge too proving I’m not tired or bored

Edie: well, when we can go out again at more sociable hours

Edie: you can start with this [clue] to come find me and prove it

Liam: ok but until then [so many pictures of people with their eyes crossed out from whatever his mum has to read and deface or like their entire photo album tbh because MISS YOU SO SO MUCH] you can have this

Edie: we need a 🏠 of our own

Edie: missing you is so

Edie: intense

Liam: I'll start hunting for a not too trashed empty round and about we can stay in until the holiday cottages clear out

Edie: how’d you guess

Edie: I told you I’d stay busy

Edie: you still have to find me so not a total fail on my behalf

Liam: I didn't, I promise, we must just think really alike and want the same things

Liam: when did you even do this

Edie: sitting still is not a speciality

Edie: and i’ve got a lapel mic so I could record and 🚴‍♀️

Edie: clearly need a go-pro for streaming purposes but you would’ve been 😱 to see that sudden POV change

Liam: I ain't scratched the surface of what you're capable of, have I

Edie: 🤔

Edie: keep going and find out, I reckon

Liam: 😏

Edie: [selfie like 😁]

Liam: I dunno how I'm gonna get used to looking at your 😁 face all the time when we live together, something else to find out

Edie: I could get a 🤡 mask

Liam: we both know the smile underneath is more deadly to me

Edie: you’re deadly and you could kill me

Edie: but I promised

Liam: and you’d never break a promise to me

Edie: never ever

Edie: you’ve got the blood to prove it

Liam: when can I solve the first clue

Edie: is your mum going to work today?

Liam: unless she pulls a sickie

Edie: whenever she’s up for the day, you can go

Edie: even if she’s not mad at me, I don’t want her to be mad at you

Liam: if I leave then, you’ve gotta go sleep for a while now

Edie: I don’t know if I can

Edie: my 🧠 & 💗 are vibrating, that’s what it feels like

Liam: yeah, meaning the comedown is gonna hurt when it does catch up to you and I don’t want you to

Edie: I’ll sleep with you

Liam: my nightmares’ll wake you up

Edie: then I can protect you

Liam: not from what’s already happened

Edie: but from getting stuck there

Liam: seeing me like that is gonna be

Liam: you won’t like it

Edie: I know but I can’t help if I don’t see it

Edie: all of it

Liam: alright, I did say it was a good thing you don’t close your eyes to what everyone else does

Edie: [👀 pic always]

Edie: If you go to sleep, I’ll feel it and I will too

Edie: then I can come find you

Liam: I’ll do it if you sing to me again

Edie: [call so you can do that and both have some sleep]

Liam: [love that for you, keep being adorable forever please lads]

Edie: [so that was my main vibe for today ‘cos she did say she’d look, it should be crappy though and not the one that you find that you actually love straight away so you don’t need to stay here, but you can spend the day there]

Liam: [and you can have fun fucking it up at the end cos you’re not gonna stay]

Edie: [exactly, a more genuine squat vibe this time, so you can get all the creepy shots and footage, as well as just causing some genuine carnage]

Liam: [I’ll see if one of the million pics I have of him holding a camera has the right energy and send it to you]

Edie: [woopwoop, likewise, a more 😈 day but definitely still cute]

Liam: [can’t not be cute ever]

Edie: [tried to fight it but we can’t]

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