#i hate my bday more than i hate myself so lol

[chrisbangs]

zzz

[ilostyou]

lallaaalalala just some things on my mind

[cuverale]

as it was - t.c

face claim: lily-rose depp

a/n: pls don’t think i hate taylor i adore her 🥹

Part 2 here | Part 3 here

enews

6,493,286 likes

enews looks like our couple is having happy time on their vacation 😍 Let us know what you think in comments!

view comments

timotheefan3 he should’ve been with taylor tho

timmyfan07 agreed!

randomuser yesss she is such a boyfriend stealer

ynfan59 she did nothing wrong u psycho

user47394 this should be taytay! They are end game periodt

ynmybaby lol nope.

taylorfan28 I don’t even know what he sees in her, like no beauty no talent NOTHING

ynfan2 stfu and leave y/n alone

timmyandtaylorr they’re right tho

timmytimmy parents 😍😍😍😍

ynsbabygirl i’m glad there is still persons like you tbh

timmytimmy we’re in this together sis! I love them. And timmy is obviously so in love with her 🥰

tayrussell my babes❤️❤️

*liked by enews

timotheefan13 girl nooo 😭😭😭😭

tayfan95 she stole ur man babe don’t say that

ynfan20 cuties 💖

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tchalamet

liked by yourusername, johnnydepp, tomholland2013 and 9,395,194 others

tchalamet ma meilleure moitié, before I made this post I called your mom and dad, and thanked them for bringing you to this life (I literally said “thank you for making her” because I was excited and I embarrassed myself but we won’t talk about that) thank you for making me a better man and giving me all the happiness I could ask for. You bring my life the light and colors I needed. And I can’t thank you enough for that. Keep shining my baby. I love you more than life itself. Happy birthday angel girl ♥️

view comments

timotheefan74 he calls her ‘my better half’ AAAHHH 😩💖✨

yourusername this made me cry 🥹

tchalamet from happiness i hope?

timotheefan10 lol bitch cry more

randomuser hahah yes i get so happy when you’re sad

yourusername je t’aime je t’aime je t’aime 🖤

tchalamet je t’aime aussi

yourusername my mom said she never heard something like this before and laughed

tchalamet i can’t look her face rn oh god 😭

zendaya HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN!!

*liked by tchalamet and yourusername

user2947 lol queen of what????

username107 stealing 😂

randomuser48 bro seriously leave her alone it’s her birthday for god’s sake

user183 thank you for reminding us today is cursed 😔🙏🏻

ynmybaby HAPPY BDAY MY BABY! DON’T LISTEN WHAT THEY SAY ABT U WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💖💖💖💖

ynfan229 YESSSSS

randomuser19 talk for urself

ynsbabygirl fuck off then

timmyfan29 STAN QUEEN Y/N 🤍

randomuser0 she should’ve never born

user924 ugh 😒

username59374 make this day even better and kill urself y/n 😍

ynfan49 get help seriously

yourdadsinstagram I’ll admit that I was shocked when you called us but I’m glad really. Thank you for making my girl happy Timothèe.

tchalamet that’s why I’m here for sir 🫡

florencepugh Happy Birthday Y/n!!!!!

kendalljenner cutiesss 🥺

hulu her smile is the best thing 🥹

tayrussell Happy Birthday bestie i love you soooo much 😘

ynfan27 some comments even made me cry i hope y/n doesn’t feel sad abt this. It’s impossible tho

timmyfan1 i agree!! She doesn’t deserve this hate

username593 yes she does 😍

timotheefan49 you need help dude stop

timmytim19 the caption is too cute i can’t 😭🤧❤️

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yourusername

liked by tchalamet,zayn,taylorswift and 9,953,385 others

yourusername MET🖤

comments for this post are limited

tchalamet 🤯🤯🤯

chanel loved this look 🖤

taylorswift my girl🤍

tayrussell you look amazing!!!

hulu angel 🤎

ynmybaby OH MY GOD ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

pauline.chalamet hottest girl alive

florencepugh hot mamma 🔥

nicoleflender angel girl 💖

ynandtimotheeupdates

1,483,273 likes

ynandtimotheeupdates the way they look at each other 😩🥹

view comments

timotheefan105 oh he is so in love with her

bonesandallfannn no he isn’t

user2943 god i’m so sick of them

ynhater break up with her already

randomuser42 dump her timmy boyy

randomuser204 i can’t even stand her ugly face

user5947438 🤢🤢

ynsbabygirl can y’all stop like wtf is wrong with you guys? Timothée and Taylor are just friends, they said that like million times already. Stop this shit, Y/n did nothing wrong she doesn’t deserve this hate she is getting.

user28472 yuck

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enews

3,373,262 likes

enews According to a close source, Timothèe Chalamet and Y/N L/N called it quits. They said it is because of the hate she gets and that makes her depressed and they can’t have a healthy relationship together. We are sorry for them.

the comments are limited for this post

timotheefan593 nooooooo 😭

randomuser483 god finally!!!!!!

ynmybaby i just hope y/n is ok.

timotheefan59 now get your queen taylor timmy

timmytimmy wtf is wrong with you

ynandtimmyy she deleted all their pic and unfollowed him 😔

ynsbabygirl but timmy still didn’t deleted the pics

timotheefan473 and he still follows her (he only follows her 😭)

taylorfan482 now he can be with Taylor!!!

tayrussell this is getting ridiculous. Timothée and I are friends and we are ONLY friends. You guys are sick. Y/n didn’t deserve that. And let me tell you something I was their matchmaker and I was proud. You guys need a therapist.

timotheefan583 I saw him at a cafe and he looked so damn sad 😔

ynfan63 I saw the paparazzi pics and god he looks devastated

timotheefan0 hope u guys happy now

tchalamet

liked by pauline.chalamet, kidcudi, benbarnes and 5,384,249 others

tchalamet taking a break from social media

the comments are turned off

yourusername’s story

[misc-obeyme]

Hi CC!! I missed talking to you (･–･) \(･◡･)/ how's your days been? I'm just going to ramble a tiny bit bear with me

had a writing exam and one of the options was: "Write about someone you adore" and I had to physically restrain myself from wititng about barb lol. the teachers are done with my barbatos bs😂

the new birthday events are awsome! I was panicking because I thought last year cards won't be back.. but they are and way better. the new pity system is awsome, another win for NB lol

only 99 days till his(us haha) Birthday!! :<<

Hi Kian! I'm always happy to hear from you! Things have been pretty good for me recently, I've been writing like crazy so I can't complain about that lol!

Oh that would be so hard... like what the hell of course the answer to a question like that would be a Barbatos essay??? There's so much to say about him! Plus, don't they want you to be honest? Well, I dunno, maybe they don't lol. But if I was a teacher and my students answered questions like that with fictional characters, it would fill me with happiness.

I'm finding the new birthday event to be very interesting. I'm not used to having to wait to read the story. Like maybe I could unlock the whole thing in a night, but the AP regeneration kinda requires you to do it a bit at a time. I don't hate it or anything, actually it's kinda nice. But I'm not sure how I feel about the story yet 'cause I haven't unlocked it all.

I'm wondering if they were always planning to do this or if it's that everybody complained so much they were like... we gotta do something different. Probably the latter, let's be real. But at least that means they're listening to the fans! I can't complain about that!

I like the exchange rewards, too. If I'm unlucky, I can still get the card. If I'm lucky, then I get some other stuff I need instead (or a skill up which is also helpful). You do have to pull a lot still to get the card, but if you're trying for it anyway, it's better to have a point at which you can just use the exchange points to get it instead. Rather than wasting however many more vouchers.

You have a counter for Barb's bday? I love it! We still have some time, but it draws ever closer!! I'm always prepared to lose my mind over his cards lol. I'm excited to see what his birthday event is like!

[lucinatta]

GIRL OK I'm going to vent. If u want to read that'd be great cause I want to know if I'm in the wrong here lol. It's long tho so no need <3

Last monday was my birthday, it's a sucky day to have as a bday so what I did was invite my friends over for dinner on sunday, wait till midnight, blow the candles, eat some cake, open presents, and send everyone on their way at about 1 am so all of us could sleep relatively early. These were like, my "important" birthday plans, because they happened on my actual birthday. I invited my closest friends + 2 girls my friends have been dating for about 7/8 months, because a) I like them! and b) I knew they were spending that weekend over at my friends' places anyway so bringing them was easier than not.

Context for later: The 2 friends with the girlfriends are male, those are the only 2 partners that are external to the friend group, there's 9 of us, and we've been friends for about 10 years.

Anyway, so when I set that plan up on the gc, I explicitly asked both my friends to bring their girlfriends. They told me they would, they did, everything went great. After sunday's plan, I proposed we go out to dinner and then for drinks this saturday so I could have like proper bday plans that don't get cut short because everyone has to get up early for work. Everyone said they could come. Great, no issues so far.

Issues start yesterday, in a gc I'm NOT in that my friends made so they could discuss my present for sunday + a surprise cake (that now I know about lol) for saturday. This is not uncommon, we have bday groupchats for everyone in the group. One of my friends (girl) proposes the surprise cake, and apparently one of my male friends says that his gf can make the cake (as a gift) because she works as a baker. My friend (girl) says that it's not a good idea, since it be weird to have her make a cake for a plan she's not invited to. Apparently this caught both my male friends off guard, because they were under the impression that both their gfs were invited and had already told them about the plan. Now, to be clear, I didn't invite them and at no point did I imply they were invited. Not necessarily because I didn't want them there specifically, but rather because I wanted a night out with just my friends. These 2 girls come to a lot of our plans as a group, but when they do it's because we either tell them to, or our friends ask if they can come. NEITHER OF THESE 2 THINGS HAPPENED!! I want to clarify though, I didn't and still don't feel strongly about them not coming, and if it had been up to me, I would have liked both my friends to reach out to me and let me know that they had misunderstood, that they thought the girls were invited and that they had already invited them, and I would have told them to bring them!! like it really wasn't a big deal. Instead they got upset and told their girlfriends that they couldn't come because I DIDN'T WANT THEM THERE, which sounds sooooo much more drastic than what it actually is. So I find myself in a very shitty situation with NO WARNING (because again, this started in a gc I'M NOT IN!!!), when one of my friends sends me this really long message about how sad and hurt he is and asking me if I'm mad a him or his gf or whatever, and how he had hoped that I would think of her as my friend after all this time. To clarify she's not my friend, she's my friend's gf (that I really like!!), and "all this time" is 8 months lmao. Now these 2 girls think that I hate them, and I have to apologize for something I DIDN'T DOOOOOO. Like this wasn't my misunderstanding, I wasn't even on the gc!! and like what options do I have, realistically? Telling them to backtrack and invite them back gives major "you can come, IF YOU WANT" vibes and I hate that, and telling them that, no, they're not invited sounds like I don't like them or want them there. Like both my options suck.

Things have smoothed over now with my friends but I know they're mad about their gfs being hurt and SO AM I but like, it's not my fault!!! They (my friends) assumed they (their gfs) were invited when they weren't!! But again, it wasn't something I felt strongly about! like honest to god idk why they didn't just tell me they had invited them because they thought they were invited before stirring the pot behind my back. Now everything's a mess and things are tense because the rest of the gc sided with me. And I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda mad that they made this my problem on my bday week. Like couldn't you have waited a week to bring it up?? Anyway that's it lmao

[ghoulysaphomet]

Meet the artist... Finally finished this lol.

Text:

First picture;

Meet the artist Saphomet.

"Holo there! I'm Saphomet, most call me Ghost. I'm mainly a writer/fanartist who enjoys creating dark, gothic or humoristic work. I've been sharing my writing since 2013, same-ish with my art."

Fun facts:

My favourite season is winter, I hate summer.

I don't really watch movies, I prefer books.

I love saving small trinkets in a chest I keep on a shelf, one of my fave things is a bday card I got on my 21st bday from my grandma that reads; "I don't know what's wrong with you. Love grandma".

I collect bones and teeth. I keep the teeth in a jar on a shelf.

Questions:

Fave TV show?

Depends. Live action? Probably spn or hannibal. My fave anime is Shiki, and has been since 2013.

Fave Game?

LOZ breath of the wild and Pokemon legends arceus.

What kind of music do you like?

Yes. (lol jk)

My music taste is very broad. I really enjoy choir music and listen to OSTs a lot. I don't know if there's one specific genre I listen to more than others.

Other hobbies?

I like to read (Like, actual books) a lot. Most, okay all, of my books are non-fiction or text books. I'd like to read more fiction books, preferably horror books. I read carrie once and I really enjoyed that. My fave fiction book is se7en (yes, like the movie).

I also watch gaming videos a lot, mostly horror games. I occasionally play games myself too.

Second picture:

As a writer....

Background:

I started out on deviantart in 2012, moved to ffnet in 2013 and then to ao3 in 2014. I do have an ffnet acc still, but I don't use it.

Has your works changed since you started?

In some ways yes. Of course they have, it's been more than a decade.

In other ways? No. Many of my first works were.. Dark. Similar to what I write today honestly, just a lot more dramatic somehow.

I would consider transferring those first works to ao3 if I could delete my ffnet account, if only as a reminder of how far I've come in terms of quality.

Questions:

First work?

My first still published one-shot is an Ao No Exorcist fic. My first multi-chaptered still published fic is a Homestuck fic. Both from 2013.

Fave thing to write?

Angst. I love grief, angst, tragedy and death. I love exposition. I love hurt. Dark works::)

Fave tropes?

Hmm... Platonic cuddling and intimacy. Forced cannibalism. Fuck or Die. Pain-sharing. Body-swapping. Secrets & Exposition. Codependency. Enemies to family/Enemies with benefits.

Fave works?

As of August 2024;

It's better when you're with me (but that's better left unsaid) &

Bacterial Contamination

Ever thought about rewriting a work?

Oh yeah. I'd like to rewrite my first Aoex fic one day to be more tragic. I would also like to rewrite my GF fic 'Boiling Blood' to be less... blegh.

Last pic:

And as an artist?

Background:

I've drawn fanart since I was a kid. I started doing digital art on mspaint in 2013, then got Ibispaint x on my phone in 2014.

On picture of Joker Miku: Trad fanart from 2012

On picture of Natsuno: Mspaint art 2013

On MLP anthros: Ibispaint art 2014

On Allen painting: Pictured is a painting i made in 2013. My grandma loved it so much she decided to hang it in her living room. She still has it, and has no idea who that is lol

Questions:

First art handle?

GoddammitGabriel. My current handle is Saphomet/SpleenJuice

Fave colors?

Bright neon colors! Especially greens, blues and yellows. I love most colors tbh. Except for purple, I really don't like purple honestly

Fave thing to draw?

Monsters! Character design. Taurs. Symbolistic art.

Process?

Depends. Usually I just doodle on my phone. If it's a planned thing I will sketch it out on paper first in my sketchbook and take a pic. My go-to pen is the dip pen (bleed). I don't use a stylus.

Where do I post my art?

On Tumblr @GhoulySaphomet and on Furaffinity @SpleenJuice. I do not have other social media.

[lofibeanie]

I have never been an Apple iDevice person but imma be honest, since Procreate put out the statement on anti-AI generated images and stuff, I have been looking into buying an iPad purely so I can start learning how to use Procreate (gdi for only being on iOS)

I have 3 pays until my birthday so HOPEFULLY I will be able to have enough saved to get it as a bday present to myself lol. I also have a con in a couple weeks so. Who knows how that will turn out. Artist Alleys make me wanna spend all of my money...I need to be careful :') I'm going both days so I need to be even more responsible LOL

Still umming and ahhing between the 11" and the 13" iPad Air M2 (I cannot justify the Pro, oof, I ain't made of money), and I definitely want the 256GB one. Obviously need the Apple Pencil too (Pro? Maybe?). Then there's the stuff like the case, need nib protectors too bc I want a paperlike screen protector bc I have a Samsung tablet atm and it's a glossy screen and it kinda sucks for drawing on. My Cintiq is a more matte screen which is SO MUCH NICER to draw on.

I have ideas and I want a portable option so I don't have to just sit at my desk, I can sit anywhere in the house or even bring it when I go out places, etc, etc...also Procreate has some really neat features (I love you CSP but I am not paying for 2 subscriptions) I was trying it out on my sister's iPad and it's pretty nice indeed, I could get used to this. Also the amount of user-made assets and tutorials for Procreate is so cool, I know I can definitely find something that's in the realm of what I'm wanting to do :3

Also I am one of those people who loves customising their devices and it's so much easier to do on an Apple device over an Android. I use a Samsung phone and I do have it to a point where I really like how I've customised it, but my tablet is another story - it's okay but ehhhh, I want it different. Yes I am going to change my icons when I get my iPad, this thing is gonna be so fun when I am done with it. Still thinking about if I should get a clear back folio case so I can stick prints and stuff in the back or if I should just go for a regular folio case, but that's a problem for idk, a few weeks from now.

Oh god my birthday is in just over a month-

Anyway yeah. Hoping to get the iPad and stuff around my birthday but knowing me it'll prooooobably be closer to Christmas but also I hate waiting so we'll see if my impatience is stronger than my impulsively spending on other stuff I don't need - place your bets now /hj

[lovesick-boyz]

hi.

well… after being stalked and harassed for the past couple of months, i am finally back!! stay tuned lol i got some fics lined up for y’all 😁

anyway if you read that first line and thought to yourself “WTF?!?”, here is the full story for my curious readers (just a warning, it’s long and i rant a lot):

a couple of months ago, i started getting tagged by random accs on tiktok and insta that posted vids accusing me of the most random and heinous shit. honestly, it just baffled me the first time i saw them bc they made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

when the first ones popped up, i just blocked them thinking it was a random troll and went on with my life.

but then i kept getting spammed by other accs with new posts where they not only involved me but also my friends, and accused us as a friend group of being horrible ppl.

i had enough (i can’t even remember how many accs i blocked) and deleted ALL my social media apps for a while (i.e. more than a couple of months, oops) and basically isolated myself from ppl so that i could focus on other things to distract me (i ended up making daily exercise a habit so ig that’s one good thing that’s come out of this lol, i also rewatched all the marvel movies in timeline order hehe). i wish i continued writing so i could’ve at least had more content to share by now, but i was feeling so negative and pissed that i couldn’t even bring myself to write anything (i even uninstalled notion from my phone and that’s where i keep all my drafts and fic ideas)

i only found out the full situation less than a week ago when i reinstalled tiktok bc i missed it, only to find more burner accs harassing me. i finally had enough so i reinstalled insta to rant about it on my spam acc for my friends to see and to my surprise a couple of them knew who it was and explained the whole situation to me.

it was my first time interacting with ppl outside of my family in months lol, when i tell y’all i isolated myself i really did mean it 🙃 my irl friends didn’t even know anything out of the ordinary was happening bc i’m notorious in my friend group for going off the grid for months at a time bc of how bad my mental health gets sometimes, they know to just let me be and let me deal with it alone bc they understand that’s how i work best. (they won’t see this bc they don’t know this tumblr exists but i wanna apologise to my dear friends for my disappearing acts, my bad, i love y’all for being so understanding and still being my friend after all this time 🫶🏼)

anyway, it turns out the culprit was this guy that my friend had rejected previously and he’s so bitter and hateful that he decided to harass me bc he knew i was one of her bffs (the ppl he targeted were the ones in her closest friend group which included me)

but here’s the kicker: I’VE ONLY TALKED TO THIS GUY TWICE!! AND EACH TIME WE TALKED FOR LESS THAN 5 MINS ABOUT IRRELEVANT SHIT!!! WHY AM I INVOLVED?? YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!

when my friend found out she was so surprised and appalled that he was harassing me too, bc him, my friend, and the other ppl he targeted all go to the same college together (and i’m the only one in the friend group that goes to a different college, so to reiterate once again: this guy barely knows me! the last time we spoke was at my friends bday party 3 years ago!! he’s literally insane!)

she knew he was harassing my other friends since they’re all in the same school and know him in person, she didn’t think i would be involved too and i couldn’t believe i was.

anyway, i just wanted to rant about this whole thing bc i’m having a hard time processing it tbh. i hope that guy rots in hell and also finds a job there bc he was acting hella unemployed like who has time for this? he made me feel so confused and paranoid for weeks and i hope he gets all the karma he deserves in the universe.

y’all wanna know something funny tho? i started writing a changmin stalker fic in june, way before this whole situation happened. life imitates art ig 🤪 anyway i finally finished it and i’m gonna release that fic next after i fine tune it, at least now it’ll be somewhat realistic lmaoooo

[kfanopinions]

Jooyeon Ideal Type (Astrology)

okay frist and foremost he is super cute!!!!! if i was younger i'd totally have a crush on him lol...anyway...i'll be looking into jooyeon’s moon and venus signs for this. both seem to be scorpio so this may be on the short side lol like always please take everything with a grain of salt <3

scorpio moon || scorpio venus

ummm... okay so this is with both his moon and venus signs...soo...beacase he is not 21 yet (remember his bday is in late sept.) i'll just say this...his partner may want to get used to the ole horizontal mambo...if you catch my drift *wink...wink...wink...* like they should already want it too >////<

intensity in ten cities <- sorry just being weird feeling his feelings is going to be a big thing. he needs someone who is able (not willing) but ABLE to handle the extreme ups and downs of his emotions

long-term look scorpio's vet people, okay? so if he finds someone he's shown interest in they should have it already implanted in their brain that they want a long-term relationship. this guy right here doesn't want that short fling. he wants a RELATIONSHIP

dr. jekyll and mr. hyde DO. NOT. CHEAT! this is what he needs in a person ^^

"yes your royal highness" his partner should devote themselves to him...okay not really...but physical touch and words of affirmation may be part of his love language. someone who tells him how much they appreciate him. who shows interest in him (but doesn't cross the invisible scorpio line) just someone who loves him unconditionally

in order to get YOU give opening up first and sharing their hurt, pain, joy, love, etc. will help him to open up. i will also advice for his future person not to give up all of their life's story completely. scorpio placements like a little mystery *wink*

secrets are meant to be kept this can include the relationship as a whole but someone who won't shout it out that i'm dating jooyeon would be ideal. if he wants to keep the relationship a secret or doesn't want "everyone" to know, he needs someone who respects this. or w/e he tells them they should keep it to themselves and themselves only

heat miser and snow miser a person like stated above who can handle his extremes is needed. that also means someone who can handle him being super loving and smothering them with affection one second and then making it seem like he hates them the next

(as a scorpio woman idk why we do this but it happens...i'm not saying this is what happens with him but perhaps our love batteries just need some recharging time <3)

stubborn as a mule someone who doesn't pressure him to cave in to what they want. unless there is a valid reason this guy is who he is. he feels what he feels. believes what he believes. challenging him will be like having a staring contest with a brick wall lol

leo's step aside there's a new king in town (jk) he wants to be the leader of the relationship. he needs someone who doesn't challenge that authority ^^

seducer someone who will entice him. who knows their self-worth and can make people crumble at their feet. a sort of femme fatale type...jessica rabbit? <- sorry just watched who framed roger rabbit lol ->

the hot seat a partner who can handle any and all questions that he will fling their way (even if they're weird ass questions or personal questions) scorpio placements dig deep trying to figure people out...he'll more than likely do this with a love interest whether he's aware he's doing it or not lol

the waiting game someone who can wait for him to get to the point of comfortability. scorpio placements take some time to open up to people. a patient person is ideal

passionate

intense

keep him on his toes predictability is SOOOOOOOO boring. so a partner who keeps him at attention/always guessing will be A+

sorry it's so short but with him having scorpio in both his moon and venus i didn't want to repeat myself haha still hope you enjoyed it <3

[peligrosapop]

I can’t sleep and have a headache, I’m in pain and sober ( weed would help 2/3 at the least)for some stupid reason. So, I’ll rant.

I went skating (as in skateboard) yesterday

did my first ever 50-50 trick (skate trick) at 40

but also pulled a muscle in my upper thigh and I’m limping a bit and it hurts. (Hi, It’s me, Pedri without free accessible healthcare)

A girl flirted/hit on me and I can’t thinking about it bc, maybe I liked the attention? and she’s cute? I get plenty of attention at home though, dunno wtf is going on.

I forgot to call my mom on her bday but I called her today and we talked like an hour and it was nice. I like my mom a lot. I don’t want her to die, ever. My dad’s death anniversary was last week and I just realized yesterday. None of us surviving family members said anything either, guess we rather forget.

The call with mom also made me realize I barely call anyone anymore, ever. Last time my older sister called I didn’t pick up and have ghosted her since. I told my mom I’m being anti social atm. I need to call my pregnant younger sister. I guess I’m the asshole.

I text with a lot of people that I don’t know IRL and have neglected a lot of my IRL friends. I even have neglected online friends I like a lot. I still chat people a bit too much, I’m afraid.

I think my current obsession with Barça on tumblr and tumblr in general helps me focus on something else but myself when I’m stuck creatively or emotionally.

I need to finish writing 4 songs that I started and are almost done. One about staring at your crush, one about dreaming of people that have passed away, one about Messi (in the most non-obvious way) and one about leaving everything behind to move somewhere else to remake your life. It is annoying to feel like I can’t when I’m perfectly able to. They are 80-90% done.

Right now I’m in between jobs doing some gigs and the break in routine and extra time to do fun stuff things has been , instead of being liberating, weird.

My fav girl friend has been really busy lately and I fucking hate it. I feel needy. And I hate it.

My boyfriend is amazing, thank god he’s there. My bff. I am a mess rn. He was trolling me a week ago saying “I read this list of symptoms of depressed people and you checked out most of them” and I laughed at him and he was like 😅. I’m not depressed. It’s okay. I have depressive tendencies from anxiety but that’s it. I’m a hedonist most of the time, anyway. 🤣 Very few fucks given but active existencial dread.

My health/body has been changing since I hit 40 and it’s pissing me off. Also I kinda stop caring care of myself for a second but getting back on track. Also need to start saving money for all the “hey you hit 40 so you may have this” health test, like cancer screenings and shit. But hey, better old than dead.

and….I need a hug. And to write poems but they won’t come out. I don’t need anyone to do anything. I just need to get it out of my system.

I wish you were here and not so far away, you know this. I punched my pillow today like I told you I wanted to. I wish it was easier.

We had a friend as a house guest for a week and he just left today without telling us, even though he was supposed to be here 2 more weeks and now he said he is with a dude we don’t talk to anymore. lol wtf is wrong with people?! can’t they be normal?!!!! You can say you wanna go see a friend, why just disappear and tell us a one like text when we asked where the fuck you are. He may come back? I dunno ahahahah. Maybe its our bad for having a bunch of moody musicians as friends.

Also, like my bf jokes all the time….when I die, be happy for me because I won’t have to pay any more bills.

Maybe this was too real but IDGAF. The end.

[coconox]

honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

[tumblasha]

10.02.2023 - grateful

i feel like this is a word that’s brought up a lot in my writing [1] and today is not any different. this month is so special to me!! let me list some reasons why:

a. reunion month (i saw a college pal today in LA, i will see a high school pal next week in nyc, i will see almost everyone here This Weekend in nyc!)

b. it’s my little brother’s bday at the end of the month! oct 23 if u wanna send david some happy bday thoughts :)

c. learning that my life is flexible! i work remotely!! i can work from wherever!!! [2]

d. end of this week will be my official first completed month of being an Employed Adult with a Big Job renting an Apartment with Roommates who are Nice to me

e. i saw pabllo vittar today! talked to some brazilians!! i met a peruvian-boricua (bori-peruana? idk)!!! glad i wore my ear plugs bc pv was yelling all night (positive)

f. i’m planning to travel internationally next year!! taiwan in march and hopefully perú in june / july [3]

i just love myself, everything, and everyone & i wanted to shout that into a void for more than 280 characters

thank u,

<3 -dc

---

[1] if u look up “grateful” or “blessed” on my twt acct you will Find things, esp references to this one mha panel of the main character thinking his life is blessed (he’s surrounded by his friends having dinner) right before they all go into war. the war part is less applicable. (i also journal in my notebook but no one will see that)

[2] been feeling homesick. looking forward to november, going to stay in houston for two weeks LOL

[3] my grandpa (dad’s dad) has been feeling lonely so we wanna say hiii. he deals w lonely-based depression and it’s hitting hard again bc i think my aunt and young cousin moved out :( kinda scared tho bc he and my grandma (dad’s mom) hate hate hate traveling so i forgot if they got their covid vaccines yet (they don’t even like the 3hr car + 2hr plane trip to lima). i’m sure they got at least a first dose, idk abt boosters, but my fam hates masking so i hope they’ll mask up for them :((

[izzy-b-hands]

So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.

[wanderrlust0]

me and my friend just worked on a puzzle with 1,000 pieces for like hourss while watching multiple shows and we stopped at like 2:30am lol

were gonna continue it the next time i hang out with her but today was fun. we stopped at ulta and then five below was nearby so we went there and it was her first time so we looked at like everythingg. i knew shed like the place and she did. then we were in target for like probs over an hour omg we always take our time there. when we got out it was already dark. i hate this time change where its darker early like it makes me feel like the day is shorter! anyways, we stopped at popeyes bc shes never tried their chicken sandwich! i got the blackened chicken one and its so good; i like it more than the original. we also had some snacks and mozzarella sticks and pizza rolls. i tried some of her sisters enchilada from a place called chalupas and it tasted good. now its so late and i have to wake up early for work-.- im gonna be so tiredd but once im up ill be okay. im glad i dont need coffee to wake up and i dont need naps either. ill be hanging with my bf after work so thatll make my day better. i already started to shop for his bday and christmas since theyre like 3 wks apart! its funny bc our bdays are 3 days apart and then its the holidays right after so this time of year is like gifting season for us. i have a whole list in my notes app for present ideas and i feel like it helps me think and visualize everything. when i went into the carhartt store alone for a beanie for him, the guy ringing me up asked if i wanted a bag and then his coworker was walking by and asked if i wanted a bag as well and then he just said he liked my hair and walked away lol. i have to start this drawing for his sister that she wants me to do for christmas!! it wont be too hard but itll still take a whilee so i need to start it soon. i feel like i have less free time lately which i guess is a good thing bc im keeping myself busy whether its working or hanging out with people and im not dying in my room all day. i seriously have to sleep now bc im gonna hateee waking up // 11.20.22

[t-w-i-l-l-e-r]

BULLIED THE BESTIE INTO BINGING ALL OF HELLUVA BOSS WITH ME *NOT CLICKBAIT* *GONE WRONG* 

it was my birthday recently !! Friend Of The Show @casperthearoaceghost n I have this goofy semi-tradition where they watch silly shit that I’m into with me around my bday and lo and behold, Apology Tour came out recently enough that the helluva brainrot was still alive and kicking when it came time to brainstorm this years ~festivities~. We’d also been talking about wanting to do a summerween-inspired hangout 4 a while n since apology tour took place on Halloween, well, it just made sense. AND THUS just a few short hours ago, casper n I watched ALL OF HELLUVA BOSS (murder family to apology tour, skipping shorts, music videos, the pilot n anything not considered a full canonical episode bc this binge was already pushing 6 hrs long and that’s just. So much.) AT ONCE. Below I have their RAW UNFILTERED thoughts on each episode individually. These r all 100% true direct quotes and if they say I’m lying then THEYRE the liar and they should receive jail time for those actions. 

Murder Family: “6/10. I love Loony Toons. Cartoon antics are fun but Blitzø gets on my nerves. Millie and Moxxie r rly cute!! Thought teacher lady was a main character and was disappointed :(“ 

Loo Loo Land: “8/10. Solid!” 

Spring Broken: “6/10. Felt like watching porn.” 

C.H.E.R.U.B: “No comment. Annoying.”

Harvest Moon: “8/10. Stella ordering a hit on her husband as he’s not even a foot away from her is hilarious, I love Hiram and Hermione Lodge <3 <3” 

Truth Seekers: “9.1/10. I won’t rate it a 10 on principle (bc thats reserved for The Owl House) but I highly fuck with this one actually.” 

Ozzie’s: “Anywhere between a 3 and a 4.5. Hate hate HATE that this eps about Blitzø stalking Millie n Moxxie, makes me uncomfy. Stolas is SO much better than Blitzø idk why he’s still fucking around with him, he’s probably gonna get an std. Praying for Stolas.” 

Queen Bee:  “8/10. KESHA MY WIFE COME HOME THE KIDS MISS U. Cotton Candy is probably the first song I’ve heard so far in this show that I’d be interested in listening to outside of it. Queen Bee my queen.”

The Circus: “No rating. Don’t care. I already forgot what happened in it.” 

Seeing Stars: “7/10. Via n Loona r sisters n I luv them <3 Stolas n Blitzø loving their daughters is rly nice actually and genuinely made me feel things” 

Exes and Ohs: Ok so real talk we didn’t watch this one. We got to the bit where Chaz showed up and I just. Couldn’t. Exes and Ohs has always been my least favorite episode in the series n I couldn’t subject either myself or my friend to actually watching the whole thing in its entirety lolololol. I just explained the important bits n we moved on. 

Western Energy: “4.5/10. Feels like it should be important bc Stolas almost dies but like,,,,, also feels like a filler episode.”

Unhappy Campers: “3.5/10. I love Millie and Moxxie. I wish the show loved them back </3” 

Oops: “7.5. Solid! I like Ozzie n fizz they’re silly <3!”

Mammon’s Magnificent Musical Mid-season Special (ft Fizzarolli): “9/10. I think I would like this show more if it were just about Fizz and Ozzie. Or anyone who isn’t Blitzø”

Full Moon: “7/10. The actual breakup scene was pretty good, but I still don’t rly care about Blitzø or his relationships so mixed bag.” 

Apology Tour: “9/10. Ok that was good. I’m very sleepy.” (It was around 1am at this point lol) 

so yeah that’s everything! We generally agree on episode ratings (except 4 Ozzie’s I fw that ep heavy I fear </3) so if u wanna fight u’ll have to go thru me. like comment suscribe etc etc BYE BYEEEEEEEEE

[cobaltwriting]

I feel like I should write about the night you kissed me before I forget any more of the details. It was July 2021, I was freshly vaccinated. I was going over to your place to watch Heat, a movie we had been waiting to watch together in person. It was my first time at your apartment in the city. There was a tension right from the moment I walked in the door; I remember noticing it, chalking it up to it being my first visit there, Covid, the little bit of tension we always had. You convinced me to have a few drinks even though I drove, I let myself be convinced. I brought your belated Christmas and bday gift with me, the Rangers hoodie and Mighty Ducks bomber jacket. I remember thinking, “oh fuck he might kiss me,” after you opened the jacket. I could see it in your eyes. We got the snacks out and the movie set up. I got closer to drunk than I should have, I got closer to you than I should have. I got up to pee and sat down farther away when I came back. Didn’t make much difference because you kept leaning in to me.

The movie ended and I got up to leave. This is the part that I’ll never forget, that I love thinking about the most. I walked past you to the door, and right when I crossed the threshold, you grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into you. You kissed me. It was like an exhale finally, a relief. The thing we had been skirting for years. My hands went into your hair and you pressed me up against the wall. I can honestly say that I don’t know how long we spent there. Your hand drifted down my side and half hitched my leg around your hip at some point. You tried to tug me towards your bedroom but I wouldn’t let you lol. I kept us in place, my back against your wall, my hands in your hair, your mouth against mine, for a long time before saying I had to go home. I remember breaking apart and knowing I had this shocked look on my face. You walked me to my car. It was drizzling and we stepped several times for you to kiss me some more by the fairy lights along the fence, under the cover of the trees. We got to my car and I think I pulled you against me so my back was pressed up against the door. We kissed more in the rain. It was 1 am. I got caught up in the romance of it all, but can you blame me? I said things to this effect that I hate you for making me regret. I set up the plan for our date, I asked you to keep everything between us for now, and I kissed you some more before driving home, drunk on romance and too much vodka. It’s a minor miracle I made it in one piece. It went to shit on the date, but that first night is still the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. Which is probably why I still think about it so often.