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#i hate this brain fr and I am ashamed of myself
lucasgregorowicz · 1 year
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And I relapsed
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seongminiz · 5 months
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to do list:
write smutty things in jo’s inbox✅
so.. i see u like zb1…did u watch the mv for zb1’s sweat? i am currently trying to keep up with too many groups atm but the mv did alter my brain chemistry permanently and honestly i’m too scared to watch the live stages but i’ve got 2 scenarios playing out here because i am not a loyal person when it comes to zb1😓
i desperately need to ride jiwoong and have him smack my ass with the same enthusiasm as he humps the air towards the end of the mv.. his chest.. ugh i wanna lick all over it and suck his tiddies in my mouth, men who have tiddies justshhdjdjdjd i desperately need my face in between them at all times slobbering all over them omgggg.. erm and then idk i just need jiwoong to wreck me . like i’m so serious he’s insane for looking like that what the hell!!!! is his problem!!!! that wasn’t really a scenario honestly head empty when it comes to him. i could see him being into dumbification for sure.. i also see ppl hc him as being rly mean/frat boy but i don’t think so :( i think he’d be a fairly soft dom but if u want him to hurt u then he will >:))))
matthew on the other hand.. on paper, he’s my bias for sure, and i love toxic!matthew headcanons and i do agree he is probably(hopefully) rly big and girthy.. he’s definitely the type of guy to want his partner to wear a sundress or like some loose shorts whatever gives him the easiest access to play with you, would fill you up with his cum and then make you try to hold it in, in public<333 park dates or beach dates or smth summery but he’s out to get u the whole time, keeping you so flustered and needy and then giving you what u want, mocking you for it cuz ur just a dumb baby :(( need his cock all the time :(( and then cumming inside and making u hold it in so he can watch you struggle to do so and become so ashamed when it begins to dribble down ur thighs.. but the feeling of clenching to try to keep it inside you just makes you desperate again and the cycle continues<33333
i feel like i often come into ur inbox and then kinda blackout and then i’m just like yeah idk what that was *tucks hair behind ear* anyways i hope u like.
- 🧁 anon
🧁 do u want me dead be honest ..... just think of how i felt when i woke up this morning n saw this long ass ask in my inbox 💔💔💔 /pos
(i kept it to myself for the whole day bc im a gatekeeper at heart amen)
yes i did watch the sweat mv !! that part of the choreo at the end .. my friend started calling it the dickslap so now everytime we see a video of it we send it to each other like 'get dickslapped‼️‼️' bc we have the humor of a 12yo
ANYWAYS u r so real especially bc like .. who doesn't love a good pair or man tits⁉️
me with jiwoong fr fr :
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NO LITERALLY JIWOONG IS SUCH A SOFT DOM IDC IDC U R SO RIGHT FOR THAT idc what anyone else says
matthew ..... i dont even have words for what u wrote for matthew i just .
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yeah .
hes such a tease i cant stand him i hate him so much (read : i want him so bad its not even funny)
OFC I LIKE THIS HELLOOOO I LIKE EVERYTHING U WRITE I SWEAR
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pandoraimperatrix · 4 years
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can you do sunflower for batcat? love your work!
Season 4 in the Hoe!Bruce arc.
And yeah, it’s smut.
Thank you for the request <3
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The night was always ending when a fight blew up. Tabitha and Barbara were nowhere to be found, just great, just perfectly great. Selina marched to where the commotion was centred, and, when she discovered it was a catfight between to wasted bitches over Bruce fucking Wayne, who was just standing there laughing, blood rushed to her head so fast it made her ears ring, anger taking the rest of her body in hot waves. She grabbed her bullwhip and with the help of the staff, ended the fight and declared the bar closed, sending everyone home or to fucking hell, she didn’t care.
But, when she came back, fuming, Bruce was still there, sitting on the bar, serving himself drinks as if he had any right.
“Why are you are doing this?” she teared the tequila cup off his hands and slammed it on the table, spilling most of it.
“Doing what?” he had the nerve to ask. “Partying? You used to tell me I didn’t know how to have fun. I know now, you are just jealous I’m not having fun with you.” He took her wrist and drank the remaining content of the cup.
“Urgh” she rolled her eyes and pulled her arm back. “You should slow down with the dope it’s turning you completely delusional.”
“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Oh please. Look, I don’t get it. Gotham is huge, why my place? You could be partying in your castle in Italy. You don’t need to be here.”
“Chalet in Sweden,” he smirked and drank directly from the bottle, “what if I want to be here?”
“Whatever, I’m just tired of cleaning up after you and your prissy whores. If you want to keep coming to the Sirens, you’ll have to behave yourself.”
He laughed, it sounded dark, fake, and not at all how she remembered his laugh when they were younger and sillier. When she’d tell him a joke so lame it was barely enough funny to be considered as such, but he would find hilarious and laugh so much she’d think he was laughing at her instead and they would fight. Seeing him there, so different, corrupted, broke her heart, but also made his pull over her grow twofold, curiosity and cats had always been a dangerous combination, and before Selina could stop herself she had stepped in closer.
“Make me,” he said looking down her body.
Selina tried to ignore the goosebumps that spread through her body by rolling her eyes.
“What? God, you are pathetic,” and deciding he didn’t deserve more of her attention, or maybe too afraid of how weird he made her feel now, Selina clicked her heels around, ready to leave him and that stupid conversation behind, maybe get someone to drag his ass out.
“Yeah, leave, that’s what you’re really good at.”
She stopped, grabbing the fabric of her tight skirt to conceal her shaking hands.
“What?” she managed to ask, her voice creaking, higher than the usual.
The air stood still, unusually dry. It felt just like their relationship, the once reliable ocean had disappeared.
“Forget it” he spat in a low voice.
“No,” she turned back, now it wasn’t only her hands, her whole body was shaking, “say it,” she dared him. “You started, now you’ll finish.”
He looked different. Gone was the stranger. The rich playboy that came to her bar night after night to party hard with a bunch of assholes. Who constantly pretended they knew nothing about each other so well she actually doubted. It felt like a weird collage of an old familiar face on a stranger’s body. Reality felt fragile, like time was folding in itself.
“You know what I mean,” his voice cracked, all his artifices dissolving, exposing him exactly how he was. Still very young, and so close, if she just reached, he could be hers again. “You left. Why do you think I-“
“I didn’t leave!” she shouted, months and months of hurt and frustration spilling out, and when she heard her voice she noticed she was crying. “You told me to go!”
He furrowed his brow, and it was so long since last time she saw that confused frown, that particular look of hurt. A wave of loss took her over, she faltered and he came closer, not yet touching her, but she could smell the booze, sweat, the sickling perfume of the girl he had been kissing in front of her just a while ago, past and present mixing, time became an illusion, and everything felt possible.
“So what?! I was hurt, I was…” he paused, covering his eyes with his palms, breathing hard before letting his arms fall and looking at her. “Selina, how many times before I ran after you like a kicked puppy after a fight? How many times have I humiliated myself for your attention? Your respect? And the one time, the only time I needed you to be the one to fight for me you just left.”
Selina didn’t know what to say, she just stood there gobsmacked, suddenly the whole world became this breakable thing and any move rehearsed by her would result in catastrophe.
But he still waited, his eyes begging for an answer, a reaction, anything. After a long while of silence, his shoulders fell, and he swallowed bitterly.
“And now you don’t even have anything to say,” he finally said. “What was I expecting? You are right, you always were, I am pathetic.”
Before she could think twice or plan otherwise, her lips were against his, and, after that, there was no return. Unlike the last time they had been themselves around each other, Bruce didn’t reject her. One hand pulled her flush against him by her waist, the other one went to her face, delicately, pushing her curls away and wiping her tears. She didn’t want to open her eyes never again, things had felt so wrong lately. She had been trying so hard to convince herself that she was better than ever. That she was making something of herself against all odds. But even after learning to apply shimmering makeup on her eyelids, everything around her looked lacklustre. Pointless. And part of herself hated how only on the lips of a asshole that treated her like shit sometimes and like she was his whole world in another, who was just five minutes ago cheering over two poor idiots ruining themselves for his attention, there, right there, she found meaning.
But they had to breathe eventually, and his lips left hers, his hot panting, thick with tequila, fanning on her face.
“Selina, look at me,” he pleaded.
She didn’t, but pushed him against the bar rail and kissed him again, now working to free him from his already half-buttoned shirt. Again, he didn’t deny her, reaching for her face as soon as his arms were free again, cupping it with both of his hands.
“Please,” he said ending the kiss with a peck and when her eyes remained shut, he sucked her earlobe earning a sob that was pleasure and despair in the same measure, “Selina, please.”
She fluttered her eyes open, and he smiled, and it looked so earnest, so relieved, so him, Bruce, her Bruce. Selina tried to kiss him again, and for a moment of terror and confusion she thought he would leave her, but he dove to kiss her neck instead, pushing the straps of her tank top and bra down her shoulder, unafraid of cup her breast as if it wasn’t the first time for them to be like that. She couldn’t help but wonder, if it was just result of practice using other girls’ bodies, or if he had just thought about it, about them, her, for so long it felt natural. She hopped it was the later, but as soon as she remembered about the other girls she was mad at him again, and pushed him away.
“What-“ despite not having a single drop of alcohol, she felt drunk, her brain fuzzy, maybe it was oxygen depletion, maybe her heart was beating too fast “are you think you are doing? I’m not…” she stopped again, sucking air in “if you think you can just-“ god what was wrong with her?! She couldn’t finish a single sentence. “I’m not like them,” she said finally, meaning the girls she had shunned off her club just a while ago. They held each other gazes for a while. Selina felt ashamed, especially because as soon as the last words left her mouth she noticed that she didn’t regret kissing Bruce, not at all, but she didn’t want that night to end like that either, she wasn’t ready to let him go after all he said.
Bruce looked confused, and still Bruce-like how he hadn’t been in such a long time. And that was scarier than if he had reverted completely to his new persona, because she never thought that asshole had anything to do with the meek boy who used to be her friend. But there he was, towering over her, shirtless and half-wasted, with lips swollen by her hungry kisses. Her Bruce. Not the stranger for who she had just second-hand embarrassment and disdain for. But the one whom she feared, for he had reign over her heart.
He approached her, and she didn’t avoid him. Bruce’s hands grabbed her waist, pulling her close again. He kept his gaze fixed on her eyes, and moved slowly when he inserted his hands under the hem of her shirt, sliding them up through her skin and pulling the fabric off her. Selina held her arms up to help him discard the piece of clothing, heat pooling down her navel.
“No, you’re not,” he finally said, and then rested his forehead against hers, sighing, “you… Selina, you have no idea.”
Deciding neither of them was exactly good at talking about feelings, Selina took his lips again, and Bruce seemed to agree they were done talking. His grip lowered and he hoisted her up, pulling her legs around his waist and guided them both back to the bar countertop, lying her down there while he kissed down her throat, sucking and licking her skin in a way she knew she’d have to hide the next day.
He continued his way kissing down her sternum and belly, while one his hands caressed her leg and the other one held hers. And it felt at the same time incredibly sweet having his fingers intertwined with hers, and hot while his large hand slid down her thigh. But then, he started fumbling with her skirt, unsure of how to take it off, Selina was momentarily brought back from her horny induced mind fog to giggle at his annoyance. Bruce looked up from the irritating fashion trap and smiled at her. Selina tuned around on the bar top, exposing her back zipper to him and looking at him over her shoulder. Bruce kissed the small of her back and pulled the zipper down, but before stripping her of her tight vinyl skirt, he used the opportunity to undo her bra too. Just a few moments after that, Selina was lying on her back again, only in her panties and high heels, under the gaze of a very turned on Bruce Wayne who was looking at her as if she was a very tasty meal that he had no idea of what start eating first.
Luckily for her, it didn’t take long before he decided to go straight for the main course.
“Fuck,” Selina moaned when without more wait, Bruce pulled her lacy thong aside and sucked her clit. She felt him smiling against her, and one little part of her wanted to kick him for being so smug, but the thought was fast forgotten when he continued doing miracles with that talented tongue of his. Her heaving and whimpering filled the empty club lounge, and Bruce chuckled when the orgasm hit her so hard, Selina’s involuntary spasms almost threw her off the surface of the bar top, making him hold her there until she calmed herself.
“Are you okay?” he asked her, whipping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Selina took a couple of breaths, before sitting up.
“Peachy.”
She pulled him closer by his belt, and then, looking straight into his eyes, she undid the buckle. He dove to kiss her, but she avoided his lips.
“Shhh,” she made, “I want to see.”
“What?”
“Your face,” and then her warm small hand was around him.
Bruce closed his eyes shut, his mouth opening in a silent moan when she started pumping.
“Does it feel good?” She asked, feeling unsure of what she was doing, he was so smooth and hard, but she was afraid her nails might hurt him.
He swallowed.
“Yeah.”
“Hmmm” she made, her free hand on his neck, thumb rubbing his skin there too. “Tell me what you like.”
He smirked, and reached for her face, pulling her for a kiss, sucking her bottom lip as he let her go.
“I like you.”
She let out a chuckle from the back of her throat.
“Right now, I’m sure you do,” she said, feeling brave enough to pump a little harder, Bruce moaned.
Selina then opened her legs wide and urged him to draw closer.
Bruce replaced her hand with his own and rubbed the tip of his dick on her wet entrance.
Selina’s chest was heaving and he looked up worried.
“Are you ready?”
She bit her lower lip and nodded. In a swift motion, Bruce slid inside. Selina shut her eyes hard, she expected pain but felt none, the sensation was unfamiliar, but not bad, not bad at all. Her nails broke the skin of his shoulders, and she felt Bruce’s breath close. She thought he was about to kiss her again, but he rested his forehead on her temple.
“Are you okay?” he asked, and she could hear the restraint in the tightness of his voice.
“Yeah,” she managed “B,” she called.
“Hm” he made, opening his eyes, they were so dark, she could barely see the blue.
“Kiss me.”
He smiled first, one hand holding her face sweetly, and then he did as asked, kissing her, slowly and meticulously, while his hips started moving. His free hand slid down her waist and went to her clit. The wave of the pleasure due to the double stimulation got Selina surprised making her break the kiss to cry out. Bruce then kissed her chin, and her throat, he was getting momentum, and his rhythm becoming erratic. Selina was holding him by his shoulders for dear life, her head hanging behind while she tried to match his trusts with her own, both of them desperate for release.
She locked her shins behind him and pulled him closer, hugging his neck. Bruce let go of her face and clit to slam his palms on the bar top to stead them both as he went harder against her, thanking his lucky stars when she started trashing again and pulled him with her over the edge of pleasure with another loud curse.
They were breathing hard when the world stopped spinning. Bruce pulled out, feeling like he had just given up something he’d miss badly for the rest of his life. Selina was speechless, her eyes still closed, legs still open, with their mixed fluids dripping from her. He never seen her more beautiful. But he knew well there was something very wrong. That was not how their first time should go. With him half drunk, still smelling like some other girl’s perfume, on a bar after a nasty fight. Well, the fight made sense. Every time he fantasied before about having sex with Selina it had a fight involved before the make up.
But this… This was all wrong. They didn’t make up, they didn’t fix anything. They only made it more complicated and if he had no idea of where they stood in each other’s lives before, now he was too afraid to ask even himself.
They heard noise of someone approaching and Selina opened her eyes wide in alarm, she jumped off the bar top on wobbly legs, looking for her clothing.
“Selina,” he tried, fixing his pants.
“Later,” she said, rapidly putting her top back on without even putting her bra first. “You need to go.”
She couldn’t find her skirt but started pushing Bruce towards the back door.
When they finally reached the back of the service area, and Bruce stepped outside, they notice it was already morning, and they frowned under the aggressive sunlight.
“Selina, plea-“
And to his surprise she pulled him for another kiss, it was hard and fast, and made him a little dizzy.
“Later,” she said, and closed the door on his face.
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remminold · 4 years
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I've been cleaning out the note app on my phone, where I put my random ass thoughts, and here are some of my favorite things I've wrote:
Whoever does that is a chode and a bastard and deserves to have their spine climbed like a fucking ladder to remove their brain stem
being in the grace of god doesn’t mean he won’t fucking kill you
I yearn for the days of which I could only hope to ponder why the gods were so afraid of the creation they had made. Now I see the void of creation like the one's before me and am horrified by what stares back into my being. For God's hold no soul, but the void needs not a tether to damn you to the oblivion of your own misgivings.
And honestly, death is a darling companion to the lonely
Soemtimes the body has a hokey pokey and it turns itself around and it be like that
*in response to how do you feel?* Horny mostly, I fear not death nor pain, only the blinding sensation of existance
Realized I can't sensor S*gmund Fr*ud out loud
Bedding continuous
LovepotionNO.9
Are you afraid of change or are you afraid that they will be able to see you at your most vulnerable
It's not about policy, it's about being able to ignore the political climate because it won't effect your standard of living
No man has that much conviction without sucking a lil dick
Never thought I'd write about our 16th president Abraham Lincoln while listening to a lesbian shout in my ears about kinky sex, but like it was a vibe
Just 😲 found out 🧐💭 that kys🖤⛓️🔪 doesn't mean🙅‍♂️👎 kissing you soon 😘💋 all of those🕑🕝🕣 hate comments😡💢 had me thinking 🤔💭 they loved me💞💞 but really they all👭👬👫 hated me🤬🤬
Spiritually I am a family dollar store, physically I am nothing but a sack of uncooperative meat
Of course, what kinda bastardized scone would I be if I didn't
I set my past selves alight and warm myself in their flames
Any man can become God, but many find the sacrifice is not worth the gain
As a writer I love all of these, as a person with existence, I'm slightly ashamed of the creations I've made.
Feel free to take what you will of my crop, but prepared to live with what you create.
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exqui-thicc · 4 years
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The Seven Seas Of Rhye (Queen AU) Chapter 1
Hi! Welcome to my new Queen fanfiction!
I hope you are gonna like it!
Freddie's P.O.V.:
I was in front of a lake, situated somewhere I didn't know. I was alone. I didn't recognize that place. I sat on the grass and then laid down. It was a starry night. Sometimes, I saw some shooting stars. Suddenly, I heard a noise. Like something had fallen behind me. I turned around and saw nothing. I began to be scared, wasn't I suppose to be alone? "Hello?" I tried. No answer. I turned back to the lake, saying to myself I was dreaming. But I immediately froze when I saw this dark distorted figure. I couldn't clearly see what it was, but it was terrifying. The thing approached me and began to stroke my hair. I was petrified, I didn't know what to do, I could feel my heart hitting my chest. "Come on, wake up, Freddie!" Said the thing in a wrong distorted voice. But I knew that voice, it seemed familiar to me. The figure began to shake me a little. And, then, I realized...
I slowly opened my dark brown eyes to see what was I thinking. My roommate Roger Taylor was waking me up.
"Come on, little groundhog, the Sun is already high in the sky~" He whispered with his soft voice that made me want to go back to sleep.
"Five more minutes, Rog..." I asked, groaning.
I heard Roger laugh a little.
"We are late Fred." He informed me in a serious tone.
Fuck! The University! I had completely forgotten! If the Sun was already high in the sky like Roger said, we were very late!
"The University, oh no!" I cried, jumped out of my bed, forgetting my sleep.
I ran to the bathroom, took a really quick shower and combed my long thick black hair.
"Roggie, why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I asked him as I ran to my wardrobe.
I took the first things I found, what wasn't in my habit.
"...Why didn't my clock ring ? Oh shit!" I dressed up in the most quick way I could do.
As I was going to put my school things in my bag and to leave the room, I realized that Roger was looking at me in a very amused way.
"Roger, darling, school began at 9:00AM, remember-" I didn't need to finish my sentence, I already felt really stupid.
Roger was still in pyjamas... We were in vacations... That's why my clock didn't ring! And it was 11:00AM!
Roger exploded of laughter.
"I'm gonna kill you!" I mumbled, feeling really shameful.
"Oh Fred, you should have seen your face! Totally falling into the panel." He giggled.
Roger is not gonna get away with this. I'm gonna make him pay what he had just done to me.
"Oh... You want to laugh, Taylor?" I innocently requested, as I slowly approached him.
"What-" I didn't let him finish his sentence: he was already tackle on my bed, with me tickling him.
"FRED- ST-STOP IT-T!" He stammered with his high-pitched voice, crying of laughter.
I didn't want to let him go, not after what he had done to me. An awful joke like that needs a punishment.
"OK-AH FREDDEH I P-PROMISE I-I WONT-T D-DO I-IT AG-GAIN! PLEAS-SE!" He begged, his baby blue eyes turning red.
What a pity! I reluctantly let go of him. He was fighting to catch his breath.
"I leave you this time, Taylor, but next time you do that, I'll kill you of laughter, understand?" I gently threatened him.
"Y-Yeah Fr-Fred!" He promised, big tears of laugh still on his face.
I collapsed on my bed, lying next to him. He looked at me. I looked at him. We began to do a look battle. My eyes began to burn, so I was going to close them, when, miraculously, a little dust landed in Roger's left eye. My blonde mate moaned and closed his two eyes at the same time.
"Loser!" I singed, very proud of me.
"I fucking hate you!" He laughed as he stroke his painful left eye.
Suddenly, the door of our room opened and my sister, Kashmira, appeared, looking at us weirdly. I immediately understand why.
"Roger, are you alright?" She asked, intrigued. "With these screams, I thought that Freddie was torturing you."
We both laughed. Yes, I was torturing him, but in a very soft way. But Roger answered Kash's question before me.
"No don't worry, actually we were working." What was he telling? Working? Seriously? With our postures we looked like we were doing anything except working! Roger was so stupid sometimes...
"Working?" Repeated my sister, absolutely not believing us.
"No, actually-" I began a sentence, but my blonde mate cut me off.
"Freddie needed to improve his arts' skills by drawing his best friend who was laughing... You know our facial features when we laugh are very complicated to draw-" It was clear for me, Roger was a very big idiot.
Kashmira rolled her eyes, annoyed.
"Whatever you two naughty boys did this morning, I just came here to tell my dear brother I was going to help mama at work today." She snapped.
"Nice holiday." I heard Roger mumble. Couldn't he just shut his mouth sometimes?
"That's alright, Kash!" I smiled. "Roger and me will probably go for a walk-" The blonde cut me off again.
""I" not "We", I didn't gave my agreement to go for a walk." He did a grimace. God I was going to kill him.
"Well, if you are seeking me, you know where to find me." Concluded Kasmira, as she left the room.
I thought that when my sister would left the room, Roger would get up and explain me why he woke me up. But nothing happened. He just began to lie under the cover of my bed and to fall asleep.
"God why didn't I have a bed as comfortable as yours!" He complained, as usual.
"I don't know, darling, I don't know..." I sighed, I didn't want to spend the entire day in my room, I wanted to go outside and to do somethings.
"Can I sleep here, tonight?" The blonde asked me.
"No." I retorted. "You don't know hard it was to get a mattress topper!" Shit! I shouldn't have said that!
Roger opened his big blue eyes.
"You have a mattress topper?" His face looked like he had seen a ghost. "HOW DID YOU GET IT? AND HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I DON'T KNOW THAT?" He yelled in a high-pitched that destroyed my eardrums.
"Hush! Roggie! People will really think I am torturing you if you continue to scream like that!" I whispered. All this drama for a mattress topper?
"I don't care! I want a mattress topper!" He was so childish sometimes. "Do you know how is it to have a fucking backache every times you get up?" Fuck! He was doing the terrible puppies eyes! I couldn't say no to puppies eyes! "You are not that cruel Freddie, are you?" He mimed a fake sobbing noise. That bastard! I couldn't say no to that blonde messed up thing.
"Okay, you win!" I sighed. "Tonight, you sleep in my bed!" When I said that he began to giggle in victory. Why did I say yes already? I was going to regret it.
He collapsed on his- my bed and began to roll himself into the cover. But, suddenly, he looked like he realized something. He got up from my bed confused and lifted the blanket. Shit! I have forgotten that... Roger found a paper that I have "hidden" here. Actually, that wasn't very personal. It just was the map of that place that Kashmira and I created when we were young. For a long time, I used to see it every night, in my dreams, so I have drawn it to remember it.
Roger took the paper with a very confused face. He looked up at me, his blue eyes looking at me in a weird way.
"What's that?" He asked, sounding a little bit scared.
I began to laugh. Sometimes, I really thought that Roger thought I was a satanist or something like that.
"You can open it, Rog. It's just a drawing!" I assured him. He looked at me with a fake suspicion gaze, as he undid the rope of the drawing. My blonde mate unrolled the drawing and looked at it deeply.
"Rhye?" He rode. "What's that?" He asked curiously.
"It's a kind of a Kingdom that Kashmira and I invented when we were young. And, sometimes, I've visited it in my dreams" I told him.
"In your dreams? How the hell can you remember the dreams you do wben you sleep?" He demanded. Sometimes, I was worried for him.
"You know, not everyone has a strange brain like yours." I informed him.
"How dare you-" I cut him off, sometimes, I wonder why we are friends.
"Hush, Blondie, your brain doesn't have the capacity to understand some things." I snapped, sarcastically. Roger did a fake sullen look. I began to stroke his back softly.
"Don't worry, it's alright if you have nothing in your brain..." I provoqued him.
"Shut up!" He yelled, as he jumped on me.
He tackled me on the floor and he looked in my eyes. After a few minutes like that, I decided to interact with my strange roommate.
"What do you want to do today?" I asked him. It was 1:00 PM, and it's been two hours since we woke up and we did absolutely nothing.
"Go for a walk." He retorted. What?
"I thought that you didn't wanted to-" He cut me off one more time.
"I changed of mind, I want to go outside." He got up from me and began to walk to the door. "Are you coming with me?" He demanded, his hand and on the door handle.
I began to laugh hard.
"What's funny?" Roger requested, feeling a little bit ashamed, without knowing why.
"You are still wearing your pyjamas Rog!" I cried of laughter without any control.
He looked at himself and realized it. Roger wasn't blonde for nothing. (A.N. : I'm sorry...)
"Oh fuck it!" He moaned, laughing.
________________________________________________________________
Roger and I left the University and went for a walk in Kensington. During our first day of vacation, we usually go for a walk in Kensington Gardens. It was a tradition that we have created during our first year as roommates, in the University. The first of our first vacations, Roger proposed me to go for a walk in Kensington, for knowing each other better. We walked in Kensington Gardens a few hours and we became the two besties of the world. It has been two years that we are roommates, now. And I fucking thank the University for made me meet Roger. I really didn't know what could I do without him.
We entered Kensington Gardens and his daily beauty : his flowers, his trees and his green grass that made everyone want to roll himself into it.
In July, Kensington was under his best Sun. And it was more wonderful than the rest of the year.
Roger and I sat under a tree and began to relax ourselves. The University was finish and that was a big relief. I had my year with good grades, just like my blond mate.
As I was looking at the beauty of the landscape, Roger began to get up.
"Where are you going?" I asked him, sleepy.
"Seeking food. Do you want something?" He answered. I have just realized than I didn't have a breakfast and that I was very hungry.
"Yes, please Roggie, bring me whatever you want!" I laughed, answering his smile.
"I'm back in a few." Roger assured me, beginning to walk away.
When I was alone, I began to feel very sleepy and to slowly being taken away in my dreams.
I was in front of that lake, again. Roger wasn't there and I still didn't recognize the place. The distorted figure appeared again. It gave me his hand, but I didn't want to take it. I had a very bad feeling about it. Suddenly, a violent wind began to blow. "Be careful, Farrokh Bulsara, sometimes, wrong choices can create a disaster..." Said his strange voice. I didn't understand : how can this thing know my name? What was it? "Who are you? What do you want?" I wanted to know that badly. Why did this same thing comes visit me every time I sleep? Suddenly, the figure disappeared and I found myself alone in the dark.
I felt the bottom of my pants being pulled. I opened one eye to see a little cat trying to eat the bottom of my pants. It was so cute.
"Hi there, darling! Are you lost?" I asked to the little creature, as I began to gently pet it.
I looked up to the sky and I realized that the Sun had moved a lot. For God's sake! How many time did I sleep? Where was Roger? Why didn't he wake me up? That was weird.
I looked back at the cat and saw that he was pulling my jeans aggressively, like it wanted me to follow him. I got up and saw the cat running away.
I followed him, because I knew that it wasn't scared of me. If that was the case, it wouldn't have run in a specific direction, it would run everywhere and hide in a bush, like a normal cat.
The cat had me following him into the woods. Roger and I never went there, because we had always found this place creepy as hell. I hesitated to follow him, but finally I thought that if a cat brings me here, there was a important reason behind.
We walked through the woods for a long time and I still didn't understand why the cat was bringing me there. But suddenly-
"DON'T HURT ME, PLEASE!" That was definitely Roger! What was happening?
I followed the cat more quickly than before. The adrenaline made me forget how sleepy I was from my nap. I rushed after the cat, with my heart pounding in my chest.
Suddenly, the cat stopped running and I imitated him. There was a big abandoned park in the center of the woods. That was terrifying. I hid myself behind a tree and tried to identify Roger.
Not a long time after, I saw him. He was petrified. I looked in the way of his stare, and... Oh my God...
Was I dreaming or there were a big fucking ogre and with giant creatures? I would have asked my dear Roger, but, with the expression of his face, I had already understood. He was seeing the same things.
Then, everything happened too fast.
"HE IS THE ONE, CATCH HIM!" Ordered the ogre in a loud voice.
I wanted to scream to him to run with all my heart, but I didn't, I was too shocked for that. Roger was immediately tackled to the floor. Encouraged by seeing Roger in difficulty, the creatures ran to him. It looked like a fucking red ants invasion. They hung Roger's arms, legs-
"HELP! FREDDIE!" I heard him shout before the creatures put their dirty hands on his eyes, mouth and completely immobilized him. It was appalling!
"BRING ME HIS VOICE! NOW!" What? His voice? Have I missed an episode? Why did they want Roger's voice?
When I saw that big scary creature beginning to approach my poor terrified blond mate, who was trying to free himself from the creatures hands, I knew that it was time for me to act.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I yelled as I stopped hidding behind my tree, without even thinking. I was stood with my hand on my hips, showing them I wasn't scared (even if it was the case multiplied by a thousand in my head). "OR I CAN ASSURE THAT I WILL..." Fuck! I haven't even thought about that, I was a freaking idiot. How would I fight an ogre which was actually ten times taller than me and an army of big red ants?
The ogre didn't even let me the time to finish my sentence. "CATCH HIM TOO!" It yelled.
Oh fuck! I didn't see that coming! Five big creatures were now running to me! I couldn't move, I was too scared for that. But when I saw this kind of big spider jumping on me...
"DON'T APPROACH ME!" I screamed. After a few seconds I realized that the spider wasn't there any more. Did I kill it? How?
I weirdly looked at myself, searching how did I kill this creature without even touching it. The ogre looked stupefied, but not as I was. I turned around to see that little cat from earlier being attacked by a creature. That made me angrier than ever. Why were they attacking a poor creature without any defenses like this?
I grab a stick and began to knock the monster out with all my might. What an injustice! Hurting a poor innocent cat like that! The cat stood up on his paws and began to purr when he saw me. That was maybe some recognition.
Suddenly, I felt a shadow above me. I was so busy with the cat that I hadn't heard the ogre approaching me. I had nothing to protect myself this time. He grabbed me by the arms and lifted me from the ground. It hurt so much! I moaned and clenched my teeth in pain, but also in fear. That ogre was so terrifying when we looked at him as close as I was. I first began to trying to free myself, but when I looked under me, I realized that it wasn't a good idea.
"I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN PIECES!" Exclaimed the terrible ogre, his voice reasoning into my ears too loudly, as it began to shake me in front of him. It was so painful, that I had tears which began to form into my eyes. My muscles were shouting to the ogre to stop.
It shook me and again, and again, and again, and again...
"AAAAAAAH!" I screamed in pain. When I screamed, a big light took form into my throat and attacked the ogre, which immediately let go of me, shouting.
Was I the one who did that again? I still didn't understand how. The ogre collapsed on the ground, unanimated. I felt exhausted as hell and I also didn't understand why. I jumped in fear when I felt a hand helping me to stand up. But, when I turned around, I saw my beloved Roger. How did he get rid of these creatures alone?
We jumped in each others arms and began to hug for two good minutes. "You're alright?" He asked me, worried. "I think that I am the one who just should ask that, Roger, what did you do to meet these things?" I answered by another question. "It's difficult... WATCH OUT!"
I had just the time to turn around when a big red ant jumped on me and tackled me to the ground. It began to pull my pants violently. So violently that he tore a part and ran away to the ogre, which finally got up, with the piece of my pants.
Roger helped me to get up, without looking away from the ogre. I did the same. It began to walk backwards, looking intimidated. "WE WILL MEET AGAIN, BOYS!" He assured to us, before suddenly disappearing with his creatures.
What had just happened already? I couldn't said to myself it was real because I didn't believe it. Suddenly I saw that Roger was staggering. "Roggie, are you alright?" I asked, worried about him.
"I don't know..." He quietly answered before fainting in my arms. What happened to him?
"Roggie..." I gently shook him, trying to wake him up, but without any success. I began to lift him and to take him in my arms. I'm gonna bring Roger back home... With the cat, of course!
________________________________________________________
"Farrokh, are you okay?" That was my father reaction when I told him about what happened to Roger and I. He wanted to bring Roger to the hospital, but I dissuaded him. I wanted Roger to tell me what happened to him when I was sleeping, first.
Roger was lying on our couch, still unconscious. I still didn't understand why he fainted.
"Papa! I know it's hard to believe it, but if I tell you that Roger was attacked by an ogre and big creatures that looked like red ants, which wanted to stole him his voice-" My dad cut me off.
"Farrokh, I don't know what Roger and you drank, but I can assure that what happened is not real!" He began to be angry. What scared me a little, relative to the ogre attack.
"Bomi, calm down, I can assure that our son looks very sober. Why would he invents something like that?" That was my mother, always here to calm the situation. I love her.
My father looked weirdly at me and then at the unanimated Roger next to me. "That's enough, boys!" He said, walking to the telephone.
I got up from the couch, trying to run after my father-
"Freddie..." My blonde mate called me with his sleepy voice. It was so cute. He felt that I wasn't besides him any more.
"I'm here, Rog, I'm here." I walked back to him and began to stroke his blonde hair, as he relaxed completely.
"Where are we, Fred?" He asked me, confused. Roger looked so disoriented.
"We are in my home, Roger, don't worry they can't hurt you here." I tried to reassure him. My blond mate immediately hugged me tightly and I did the same.
"Are you feeling any pain, Roger?" My mother suddenly asked.
"No, don't worry Mrs. Bulsara, I'm fine." He assured to my mother.
My father came back to the living room. "Oh, Roger you woke up." Papa casually said. "So, maybe you can explain to us what happen to Freddie and you, in a better way..." Why didn't my father believe me for God's sake! It was the authentic version, even if I couldn't believe it myself!
"No problem Mr. Bulsara!" Began Roger. "Actually, Freddie and I went for a walk in Kensington Gardens like we do every first day of vacations. We began to install ourselves under a big tree, when Freddie fell asleep. Realizing we didn't have any breakfast, I went seeking food, but the fast-food was closed. So, I was going back to Kensington Gardens, but I failed my way and found myself in the middle of the woods. After a few minutes of not finding the exit, I sat in a abandoned park, and that was when the ogre and his creatures attacked me." My blond mate debited all these informations in a few minutes.
"Okay, absolutely boys, it's okay, boys..." Responded my father, stunned, as he sat down on a chair, holding his head, like if it was about to explose.
"Papa, you must believe us, we are telling the truth!" I exclaimed, hopeless.
"Roger, do you want to call yours parents for telling them what happened and why you are here?" Gently, asked my mother.
"Don't worry Mrs. Bulsara, they are on a business trip, actually." Poor Roger. I knew his mother. If she found him telling a story like that, she was going to kill him verbally. "But, above all, you can congratulate your son for saving my life." He said with a wink. Oh no! How was I going to tell my parents that when I shouted, magic came from my throat? They were gonna think I was really mad.
But, instead of that, my mother smiled at me. "We are so proud of you, Farrokh. Finally, you see that boxing isn't useless!" I was so relieved, they thought that I have fought with my boxing skills. Even if I said that it was actually an ogre, which was ten times my size.
"No Mrs. Bulsara, actually he-" I quietly gave a small kick to Roger's ankle. I had been enough humiliated like that.
"I think that Roger and I will go to my room." I said, as I got up and pulled Roger by the arm, bringing him upstairs.
________________________________________________________
"Roger, what did you think? Telling my parents I have magic powers? They already think that I am crazy!" I got angry quietly, as my blond mate was looking at all the drawings on the walls of my room.
"You draw so well! You are so talented!" He exclaimed. Ugh.
"Roger are you listening to me?" I asked him, desperate.
"Freddie, if you want my advice, you should be very proud of you. Even if what happened is weird, you have saved my life!" He sat next to me on my bed.
"I don't know what to think about that..." I mumbled. "I still don't understand what happened and how I did... You know what... It never happened before." I quietly added. I was surely crazy, like my father said.
"Freddie... Don't listen at what your parents said." Advised Roger. So, he could read mind? "Fred... I think that I also did magic..." He confessed. That shocked me.
"H-How?" I asked, confused. He laughed when he saw my disturbed face.
"You know when the creatures tackled me to the ground?" I nodded "Well, while you were fighting the ogre, I don't know what I did, but I concentrated hard... And the creatures immediately released me..." He told. Incredible! If Roger was also magic, it was a big coincidence that we found ourselves in the same room at the University...
"Freddie, I think that I understand something." Suddenly said Roger. "Remember, I was very scared when the creatures attacked me and, after a few minutes, they released me. It was the same for you, I guess you were very scared when that ugly ogre lifted you by the arms..." He was right. If we really had powers, they triggered themselves when we were scared... Fuck! That was so weird!
My door slowly opened and Kashmira quietly penetrated the room.
"Boys, I heard what you were talking about and... I might be the only one who believes you..." Wow. Kashmira was talking to us in a serious way? What was happening?
"Kash, what do you mean?" I asked my sister, worried about her.
Kasmira looked at me and Roger. "Freddie, you know the drawings of Rhye we did when we were young?" She answered by another question, as she took her map of Rhye out of her pocket. "Well, first, I thought that I was dreaming, but, look at that boys." Kashmira displayed the map on the floor of my room. That was strange. This map looked really more detailed that the map we did when were younger. Then, she concentrated very hard and moved her hands above the map. Roger and I thought she was making fun of us.
But, suddenly the map began to have a reflect, like liquid water. That was clear, Kashmira was a wizard, exactly like us.
"Brilliant..." Roger said. "Scary, but brilliant..." He added, stunned.
"And take a look at this!" She quietly exclaimed, as she put her feet into the map, which really turn into a liquid thing. Then, all her body began to dug into the map.
"Kash!" I yelled in anticipation, my hand covering my mouth.
"Don't worry, Fred. You and Roger just have to do the same thing as me!" That was the last thing she said, before disappearing into the map. Roger and I looked at each other, swallowing difficulty.
"That's our destiny, Fred..." Said my blond mate before imitating what Kashmira did a few seconds ago.
When Roger had disappeared, I did the same thing. It was a so weird sensation. Like if I was drowning into quicksand.
When all my body passed the map, I collapsed into the greenest grass I have ever seen. I slowly looked up and saw Kashmira and I's dream world. There was the White Queen's castle in front of us and I could also see the Troll Mountains behind. It was so more wonderful than in my dreams.
Roger's eyes were widened. Even if he didn't know that place as good as Kashmira and I knew it, he seemed amazed by the landscape.
"That's wonderful I-" I tried to do a sentence, as I began to walk to the White Queen's castle. But Kashmira grab me by the wrist.
"Freddie, it could be dangerous to go further now, if someone sees us as the stranger we are, we will probably finish our days into a jail!" Kashmira warned me. She was right and we also couldn't left mama and papa alone, even if this landscape was the most beautiful of the world... Oh yes, I forgot, Rhye wasn't in our world. In our world, there only were works and University.
"And how can we leave this place, Kash?" Asked Roger.
My sister giggled. "Nothing more simple than to jump!" She exclaimed at the same time she jumped and disappeared into Rhye's sky. I reluctantly did the same thing. A few seconds later, we were back in my room.
"That's so fantastic-"
BOOM !
Roger was interrupted by a big noise coming from downstairs. Shit ! Mama and papa were there, what was happening. Kashmira, Roger and I immediately went down the stairs. And then-
"HERE THEY ARE!" This terrible ogre and his creatures were back! How is it possible? How did they found us? The ogre was looking right at a terrified Roger, who couldn't move any more, frightened by the fear. And above all this disaster, a new monster made his apparition and it was a blue troll, probably the most terrifying of all the monsters here.
When I looked closely to the troll, I understood how they found us so quickly. The troll had the part of my pants in his hand, and if we listen to what I rode when I was younger, the troll had a very good sense of smell. They arrived here because of me. God, I felt so stupid right now.
My poor parents were trembling like hell in each others arms. They didn't have the right to hurt them. But Roger seemed more reactive. He gathered all his courage and kicked the troll in the face.
The troll groaned in pain, as he held the part of his face where Roger had kicked.
"WHAT AN IDIOT! HURT BY A BLONDIE!" Got angry the ogre.
"Yes, but I'm not whichever Blondie!" Retorted my blond mate, in provocation.
That made the monsters entered in a big anger. "Freddie! Kashmira! They are too numerous, we need to separate them!" That was right. I didn't know that Roger could be smart, sometimes.
"I have a plan!" Proposed my sister. "Roger, you make diversion with the ogre, Freddie, try to get away the big red ants, and I will try to call down the troll, right?" We didn't have more time to think for another plan.
"Right Kash!" Roger and I said together.
I ran to the red ants. "By here, my darlings!" I coaxed them and they immediately followed me without any hesitation when I precipitated myself outside. Okay, nice, and now, what should I do to get rid of them? I didn't even had the time to think that the troll collapsed on the creatures. Alright then.
Then, I saw a saucepan with four legs made his way towards me. What was that? The saucepan adhere my legs from behind. I lifted the saucepan and found my beloved cat hidden inside.
"Nice armor, darling!" I giggled before put the saucepan back on the ground.
Exactly at the same time I was thinking that we were going to be okay, Roger crossed violently the glass of the living room's window, breaking it.
"Oh my God, Roggie, are you alright?" I ran towards him, there was some big pieces of glass embedded in his skin and he was bleeding a little at some places.
"Don't worry Fred, I'm alright-" The big ogre got out from the house, by destroying the door at the same time.
"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, BLONDIE!" He yelled, looking excited. He grabbed Roger with his big hand.
"ROG!" I shouted in anticipation. Roger was literally squirming against the big dirty hand of the monster.
"HELP ME! FREDDIE! KASHMIRA! SOMEONE HELP!" Screamed my blond mate in fear.
"THAT'S ALRIGHT I'M JUST GONNA BRING YOU TO RHYE, LITTLE BLONDIE, SOME PEOPLE NEED YOURSELF!" No, no, no that couldn't finish like that! I couldn't leave that monster taking my best friend away like this, in front of my eyes!
"PUT HIM DOWN IMMEDIATELY!" Ah. There was Kashmira. "WE HAVE ALREADY PUT YOUR TROLL K.O., WE CAN DO THE SAME THING WITH YOU!" She yelled to the ogre. Wow. She beat a troll herself... With Roger, we were two and didn't even touch the ogre.
"WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO LITTLE ONE?" Provocated the ogre, laughing. My sister didn't break the eye-contact, when she leaned down to me.
"Sing, Freddie!" She ordered me. I didn't understand. Singing? Really? How can my sing destroy an ogre like that? "Come on Fred, don't ask any questions and sing your heart out!" I gulped, I really didn't know how can this help, but whatever, I made confidence to my dear sister.
"AY-OOH!" I yelled. That was weird. I felt something forming into my throat.
"Continue Freddie!" Encouraged my sister.
"DE DOH DE DOH DE DOH DE DOH DE DOH!" I felt the thing in my throat growing. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-OH!" I shouted with all my heart and a shiny thing escaped from my throat and hit the ogre right in the chest. He stumbled a little before completely collapsing on the ground. It was incredible, if I had a magic power, it was... My voice?
With Kashmira, we helped Roger to free himself from the ogre grip. This time, he didn't fainted, but he looked very hurt, with the pieces of glass everywhere on him.
The ogre tried to get up, but without any success. "WE WILL MEET AGAIN, I PROMISE!" He assured to us, before disappearing with the troll.
This time, I think that mama and papa will believe me and Roger.
__________________________________________________________
While mama and Kashmira were healing Roger, I had a discussion with my father, as we were cleaning the living room. He finally believed me, but was also really worried about me, Kashmira and Roger. He didn't want them to attack us again and I understood him, but now that I identified the origins of my power, I could protect myself a little bit better than before.
"And also Farrokh..." When papa began a sentence like that, it usually not good. "Kashmira told me that she found a portal to go to the kingdom you invented when you were children... And... She envisaged to go explore it with you and Roger." Oh my God! That was so great! I couldn't imagine it! I have always wanted to go to Rhye, but I didn't know that my sister had a free access to go there, without any limits! "Farrokh, I want you three to think clearly about the decision you will take, you saw it by yourself, there are dangerous things there and you could get hurt..." I began to get really worried about us.
"Don't worry, Mr. Bulsara!" Suddenly said Roger with bandages wrapped around some parts of his body. "I will make sure your two children are okay and don't make bad things." I wanted to explode of laughter. If there was someone who can't retain anybody to do that, it was Roger! He is usually the first to create the bad idea, where everybody get hurt.
"So, you are ready to go into our dream kingdom, Fred?" Asked Kashmira in a determined way.
"More than ever!" I assured to her.
My sister began to concentrate and to move his hands in a weird way. After a few seconds, a ball of light appeared and opened a portal to another dimension. My magic dimension. Rhye.
"Please children, be careful!" Cried my mother, as she threw herself in Kashmira and I arms.
"Don't worry, mama, we will communicate with you and papa as soon as we can!" She gently reassured mama
We all turned around, facing the portal.
"Ready Freddie?" Asked Roger.
"Yeah, let's go!"
Kashmira went into the portal first, then Roger and finally, me. Before going into the portal I waved to my parents, I was going to miss them so much. But, I left my body being carried by a big shiny magic tornado.
It was the beginning of a new departure...
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smallestdogswilldie · 7 years
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idk even what im suposed to do life is so boring my borderline cock wants to sabotage things to stir up adrenaline and Anger. why do i want something to be angry at or crying about!!! ive literally hit like equilibrium and its bugging me out.bc im so used to being in ruins so GOD my personality is at its peak rn and has been for the past like 3 months and everythungs great and i should feel great but im so not used to this shit and its... its Rocking me and i know this is a weird connection but it makes my personality so alluring for some reason bc it expresses itself in the way i express myself which is existentialist far-off humor and fr some reason ppl are drawn to me GUYS ive never sounded even slightly this narcissistic before because i was always ashamed. of myself of my life my fuckkn illness my Suffrance of the seemingly insufferable .. This is the first time im like steady and confident and my mind is alreay so out of its familiar meighborhood and is on like a different planet. im Not used to recieving thjs much attemtion and love and ????? my brains trying to convince me i hate it and that i need to sabotage my life and reputation again um but god knkws im probably just imagining this all i am known to have fits of extended and embarassing delusion IS ANYTHING EVEN . fuckeng REAL whats whats What is anything
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doodle349999-blog · 7 years
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A danger of a single story...
https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en As this woman says, there are dangers in a single story. There is a single story about me... and perhaps I can shed some light for those who need to know... Well in a way this was brewing for a long time, I had entered a sever depression to the point I was suicidal due to a malpractice of a chiropractor offsetting my father's neck; breaking one of the two main blood Vains that go to your brain. After nearly having him die from not one but two strokes, I became very numb of emotion and didn't care what I was doing to others. It was a period of self hate that plagues me to this day. When I began tracing I was still in that mindset that I didn't care of others, they could suck a dick for all I cared at that point. And then I got help, I started medication, I started talking, I stopped tracing rather heavily. Then the day with the noodle dragon, it was a joke passed around with my friends and I tossed it into the public without the thought that it was traced. I tried to defend myself because *everyone* was tearing me down, back into the unstable state I was... I almost killed myself that day and I'm ashamed to admit that to someone finally. The following day I realized I was scared of you and the others, I sent *every* item I had to a friend, all my dragons I could off to other friends to hold. I don't know if it was just fr picking up on the amount of items I sent to her or if it was the people reporting me, but either way they shut down BlackMgaic as an account. I have waited 4+ months for a reply to know if they will retract their statement(to which I have found them to be one of the worse customers service providers.). I hadn't drawn because of the guilt was eating away at me, and when I finally step into the light to try and be a better person... Everyone snaps once more. This is me trying to make amends. I know I can't fix it all the way, I know no one trusts me, I know I am a horrible person, I know at the end of the day I've said these words so many times but they don't matter... I'm sorry. And that's all I can say.
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