#i hate this in general but i rlly felt it today

[winxys]

i find it very annoying that u can't express ur opinion on a song without ppl immediately telling u to shut up and calling u a hater. if i made a song that sucked ass i would appreciate it if my fans told me instead of lying to me

[superchat]

Do you have vision or desire for who you are going to become ? Not necessarily something you are resolved towards but something you’d like to see in yourself and would welcome . It can be small or nonexistent if you really like the way you are

Ohh, hrmmm. idk, i think abt how i do get older and what i will be like, would i be a 45 year old who goes online too much and reblogs too much anime art still or what. i feel like ppl have an idea that "oh once im older things will just Be Different" like their current habits just..wont apply to themselves in 20 years, but i think itd be very easy to just never lose them

I will be honest, i dont really like who i am and think there is an Inherent part of it with just how im wired, i think back to me in 7th grade vs. me now and how things i liked then is just the same now. i had no idea what k-on! was back then but my ipod wallpaper app had pics of the characters, i downloaded a ton of the wallpapers of bassist like this, especially this outfit with the sleeves and hat, cuz she was just rllyrlly cool looking but i was super embarasssd abt any of it, i remember when my friend found out i felt lik dying

A song i listened to nonstop as a kid was nowthen by matt flinner. didnt have much understanding of why i loved it, but now i look back and im like "oh its secondary chords." i look at any song through my life where i resonate with it and its always secondary chords as the reason why i like them

So i see things like this taat dont seem to change and coupled with how i jost generally dont like myseof and thilk im weird and awkward and socializing alwys breaks down at some point, and im like "hrrmm. well. whatever ill be in the future, will probably just be me now, but more"

I think it will be a lonely life, but i was always one who veered towards being alone, my parents talk abt how easy it was to raise me cuz id go in my room and play with my toys by myself for hours at a time. and today i go home from work and i just stay in my apartment and go online, ive been in a couple relationships that lasted 2+ years when i was in highschool but thats been the most involved relationships ive had, i dont think i would be good in any right now even tho i rlly want to connect closely with someone, i think abt it all the time :33 but i dont think i can maintain that, i remind myself that im longing for a romanticized idea

So when im older i think ill be alone and half be okay with it, and half hate it but i dont think ill ever be like "this is unfair!" cuz i dont rlly have anything or anyone to blame, its just how i am rlly

[analogwriting]

ok I feel a bit weird sending in another message today, but the newest chapters put me in such a killer mood I wanted to read more for him

and I must say??? We need more killer writers pls 😔 I love oneshots, hcs, all that stuff, but where are my longfics??? not to complain (i am), but WHERE IS THE SLOWBURN??

ambrose you are a godsend fr fr… I get so picky with this kind of thing because sometimes i’ll say “Oh I don’t like slowburn THAT much” but the moment I find a good slowburn, I will eat that shit up. I will be HOOKED on my phone for hours at a time and let my work pile up because yeah, these fics have me forgetting I need to sleep

Wish I could give you all the kisses in the world because you really just spoil us with ur amazing writing… ive never felt so blessed by an author before cuz the way the slowburn is so agonizing it has me ripping apart my lungs, my heart aching, myself going insane… I live for it.

Respect to you and other slowburn authors, cuz it takes a lot of work to write one… I always find other law or killer fics and the relationships always feel so rushed 😔 please, law and killer are such slowburn potential characters and i hate to see them act so impulsive in other works. I love how u write tho. So so so much. everything is so slow and i love it

(one day I’ll get to reading your law fanfic…hopefully this weekend)

anyways, me 🤝 number 1 kese hater, next chapters are rlly gonna get me 😭

-long rants anon

first of all, don't feel weird. I love getting asks, replies, or anything. no matter how many times. I eat that shit UP ✋✋

second, FKSKFKEKOD???? got me ugly crying on main frfr with this ask. i literally called my bsf crying 💀 you're so fucking sweet??? im just a funky little guy that had a few dreams and decided to write em out bc fuck it and to know that people are enjoying it that much is so insane to me 😭😭😭

im a sucker for slowburn and would eat that shit for breakfast lunch and dinner if I could. i just never really found it of my favorite characters so i was like "dammit if i want this shit gonna have to make it myself ig" i always felt like the law stories kinda happened to fast as well and i wanted some PINING. and then when I started my killer fic, there was hardly any killer content in general. there seems to be a surge in content for him tho which I am forever excited about my mans deserves it.

like the last time I wrote fanfiction it was a decade ago when I was first starting off high school. (not counting rps n shit with friends that continued forever)

never in a million years did i know people would enjoy it as much as they are and that shit makes me so unbelievably happy. like y'all have no idea. when i say i be giggling and kicking my feet n shit I MEAN IT

like this is me every time I get y'all's comments n shit. like I be giggling and just glowing all day. (it's partially why I just kept the trend of posting updates at night so I can wake up to them nice messages 💅 start the day off RIGHT)

like my head is reeling from this ask and im on cloud nine frfr. you are so fucking sweet and i just want to tuck you in my pocket and keep you safe. like FJSKDKDKS I'm going to be thinking about this all day and probably the rest of the week if not forever 😭😭😭

but seriously, from the bottom of my soul, thank you for this. shit makes my year frfr. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ruinikaidoexplodedbadly]

WHERE can i find yanos backstory

when i get home i can give you the original japanese text if you can read japanese but unfortunately its untranslated at the moment (aside from like… you can put it through deepL and try deciphering it there but its messy because its written entirely im rhymes so) so if you cant ill try to sum it up under the cut major tw for child abuse and ptsd and abusive relationships and drug addiction + like typical yakuza shit also i am notoriously bad at keeping things concise so good luck reading this lol

basically it all starts with yano who grew up in shitty conditions like his mom left idk if she died or she was just like okay bye when he was little then he was left in the care of his incredibly shitty dad whod regularly do awful shit to him and this led to yanos ENTIRE back being covered with horrible cigarette burns <- to this day he cant handle the mentions of cigarettes rigt so and then one day when yano was 15 and just totally sick of everything so he took a knife and tried killing his dad but before he could the yakuza boss actually took him in and saved him from his situation and made sure his dad could never contact him again

so he like actually gave yano his own place to live like he did with odokawa but yano literally had no records of his existence because of the cutting contact thing so he couldnt get a job or go to school so from the ages of 15-20 he was left totally alone in an apartment basically fucking fighting for his life just barely surviving in the WORST state ever until he was allowed to finally actually join the yakuza and was appointed to work under dobu his new big brother/aniki type mentor figure

so dobu took care of him he learned him how to use chopsticks <- ya his life was so bad he didnt even learn how to do that and he bought the suit he wears today and he gave him good advice but he also purposefully triggered yanos ptsd a lot by mentioning his past a bunch and told him that one day hell be grateful for his parents and this bothered yano but he was still really attached to him to the point of wanting to kill his gf which is rlly funny but anyways so this all stopped one day when yano after going kind of independent recieved a letter from dobu and the letter contained his dads fucking address and nothing else so now he hates dobus guts for potentially putting him in a lot of danger and thats kind of where his hatred of him started even if he felt really uncomfortable around him prior to this its a whole thing i can elaborate later but basically

moving on to non backstory information found in the story around this time yano also met sekiguchi and they began working together yano also became severely addicted to prescription drugs and most likely stimulants in general (its implied dobu was his dealer and thats why dobu exclusively dates nurses <- thing we find out in one of yanos songs) but anyways and then one time sekiguchi and yano were chilling they had to go to an office to do yakuza stuffbut in the office they found YAMAMOTO and they didnt know who he was and yamamoto didnt know who they were and yamamoto was like wait holy shit are you guys from the yakuza idk anything about this i hate you stupid scum of the earth im just renting this office for my idol management stuff etc etc pissing thm both off then yano while being high on every drug in the universe almost slit yamamotos throat with a knife until sekiguchi stopped him and thats how they met up with yamamoto so thats one main story thing explained in the short story ^_^ and like ya

[imnooneyouknow]

i felt everything and nothing today

right i need name labels because i dont wanna use names

friend 1: favourite person (hi there :33) i hang out with alotttt

friend 2: one of my bestest friends and my first friend in secondary

friend 3: also a friend of mine. ive started to dislike them a bit

OKAY SO WHAT HAPPENED TODAY so we were in class like first period and friend 2 was like really sick. not really really sick but they were 100% sick enough to be upset. which i absolutely hate when theyre upset, theyre the only one which i could show extremeee empathy towards, like all the times gheyve cried ive either cried or almost cried. anywaysss i asked them if they were alright (which they werent) and so did friend 3. idk but recently i feel like 3 is trying to be even closer to 2 than i am. which i get, theyre both close and match energies, but it just sucks. its like one of the reasons im alive. 3 sent 2 to wellbeing and that also just sucked because i couldnt be there. it made me feel so insignificant to them and so fucking small. i feel like km losing my best friend ir sucks.

later today i tried texting 2 to see how theh were doing and 3 also did and said j copied them. i was really stupid to scream in their ear but i was just in general really mad. then 3 and one of my other friends were talking and stopped when i came over. my friend told them to text them later. i assume they were talking about me.

3 also emphasise and talks alot about how im always with 1 and that i love them more than everyone else. they are my favourite person in the world thats why i seem more attached to them, because i am. but it just seems like thats the only thing they focus about when it comes to me?? they also make jokes about us being gay, and while i love 1 to pieces, i cant see them in any other way than platonic. i dont know how to establish boundaries and say rhat i dont like jokes like that.

anyways about today. for like half of today (since 2 was gone) i was either on the verge of tears, relapsing or dissociating. no one noticed tho. i really really wanted (this is gonna sound rlly bad) an ego boost, i thought that’d make me feel better. i didnt get one but whatever.

so in summary 3 is a better friend to 2 than me and it makes me want to cry and throw things :(

[edgaralienpoe]

hi, i’m back as promised. my actual reactions are under this post (and it’s reblogs) it’s well documented 🤣 also forgive me!! this ask is quite a long one 😭

we’re in on it for the same reason!! 🙃 i discovered park jihoon earlier last year bc of at a distance spring is green and i was hearing news abt this new show he’d be in that his character strays away from the boy next door types he’d been playing.

initially, i thought the show was quite unrealistic (the part where they managed to successfully stop some huge scheme that was going on, yeah, high schoolers?? fr??) and i hate seeing that in shows that someone mirror reality but i changed my mindset, started just looking over the unrealistic parts and immersed myself in the found family of the trio 🥹 (big mistake, really fucked myself up there). also it’s true what you mentioned abt the violence bc it’s somewhat a peek into why people did what they did to survive in the hellhole of a school (or show lol)

i thought it was well done for something so short (minus the first quarter or first half 😭) specially loved it when we started seeing into the trio more? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH AND I KNOW THAT IF CIRCUMSTANCES WERE DIFFERENT THEY COULD’VE BEEN REALLY GREAT FRIENDS! you can’t tell me otherwise :(

about bumseok, my thoughts in the posts/rbs are not representatives of how i think of him today pls do not take me seriously 😭 i was just rlly mad at him and looking for someone to blame when i knew (or know now that) it’s not his fault. i think all he ever wanted was a place where he felt like he belonged and for acceptance and for ppl to look at him as their equal rather than smth to look down on. while i think he really misinterpreted the situation with sooho, we also can’t blame him for feeling that way bc it’s all his ever seen so far :( i hurt for all three of them but presently, i hurt for bumseok most bc i know that everything he did wasn’t his fault (it was his decisions to do the things he did, yes, but everything leading up to were beyond him).

what hurts more is that nothing will ever be the same from this point on and there’s no happy reunion for them (also weak hero the webtoon is more on sieun’s life in that new school). and even if they meet each other further down the line, i don’t think i’d like to be happily friends with someone behind my being a comatose and we just have to live with that conclusion.

if there are specific points you want to talk to me with, feel free to do so bc i need prompts to bring up those traumatic memories (the show) HAHA i’m just thrilled that someone else has watched the show bc i have been suffering in silence for a MONTH. i actually got sad for days after watching it so i feel you. i hope talking to someone else abt it helps with the post-show depression 😭

ok so I just woke up and I wrote so much... I don't think my phone nor Tumblr are gonna like that://

some clothing piece that was rEd and read 'keep pushing' at the back like a warning or maybe it was positive. then bumseok being almost naked while his dad was hitting him, when he's generally fully covered and you can even see his arms when he's at school or hanging out -could also be to hide bruises and stuff :((- 

like you, bumseok made me feel so conflicted, cause we kinda know why he ended like he did but also, a person can't just excuse everything on their trauma.

I loved the first scene on episode eight, when the three of them were together but sieun is left alone, because that's just how the show started and sadly, how it ended. and like you said, even if they find each other I don't think it would be the same because all of them hurted so much from that to the point that I don't think they're the same people anymore, would you like to see them back together? A lot of people want to.

who was your favorite character? What made them your fave? (I saw you talking about keep watching because of suho but maybe that changed)  do you think there was something else between suho and bumseok? I saw people take the whole situation as bumseok having a crush on suho -that would make sense because of how impulsive he got - but then some people took it as bumseok just wanting to be like suho and reading too much into what he was doing (kind of what you said) again sO complex

[butcharyastark]

wish i could actually find smth religious/spiritual that actually felt meaningful to me

[mari-the-bimbo]

You're way too sweet. Then, for the request..

My favourite Barbie movie is the Princess and the Pauper, and I've been singing 'To be a princess' a lot recently.

What if Y/N, a poor average peasant had to pretend to be a princess for a few days, and Gojo (pardon my familiarity... Prince Satoru), who grew up in a noble family and knows exact etiquette, coaches them like Julian. He's fun and bubbly and so excited to turn confused Y/N into a perfect Milady™.

I'm weak to Royalty AUs... Thank you my love, have fun with this one 💙

Royalty roles (Prince!Gojo x reader)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

A/N: Loved this request! I don’t rlly remember what happened in the movie since I haven’t watched it in a while, so I hope you don’t mind me twisting the plot a bit! Anyways enjoy! <3

As you walked along your village one early, misty morning, something felt different. Could today be a seasonal change?

However, your guesses were proved wrong when the guards of the royal kingdom’s found you upon the hill and scouted you to pretend to be a princess for a few days.

After all, you were a spitting image of the real princess. With makeup and a change of hair colour, no one would know the difference! No one would even realise the disappearance of the real princess!

You were beyond confused and bewildered at the order, but you quickly accepted when they promised a generous amount of money for your family and funding for your further education.

Now here you were face to face with Prince Gojo, the crown Prince from another kingdom that was close to this kingdom, he agreed to help the kingdom coach the peasant who would fake to be the Princess.

Prince Gojo was more lighted hearted, funny, and playful than any Prince you’ve ever seen

He’d poke your back every time you slouched.

Prince! Gojo calls for you loudly across hallways, “OH PRINCESS!!!” he’d yell with a wide, cocky smile, knowing he was pissing off the workers and ladies-in-waiting of this kingdom.

Prince! Gojo hugs you from behind, scaring the life out of you, then he’ll playfully scold you, wagging his finger in your face, blaming you from not noticing him beforehand.

“A good Princess should be more aware of her surroundings little y/n!”

Prince! Gojo who plays footsies with you under dining tables of important meetings, later claiming he did it to test your self control ‘like a good Princess’

Prince! Gojo who will banish anyone who dares insult you or mistreat you for being a peasant.

“You dare insult miss y/n in my presence, you mere chit”

Prince! Gojo who admires both your clumsiness and your eagerness to master the role.

Finally after a new days, you were fit to be a Princess! Your poise, manners, language were truly one of a Princess. And good lord, you did look beautiful in that rose gold gown Prince Gojo chose for you.

He watched you like a hawk while drinking his wine, he watched your interactions with the real princess’s fiancé, Prince Dominic.

As much as he hoped the Prince didn’t realise your real identity, he started to hate Dominic’s lustful gaze on you, the way he touched your shoulder, you hair.

It was laughable, Prince Gojo felt like laughing. He was well aware of the feeling he felt right now,

Jealousy.

Only Prince Gojo can touch you like that, not the useless Prince who didn’t even know who you really were. What a fool.

It’s not surprising is it? After all, Prince Gojo always got what we wanted, so when he realised this was the first time he couldn’t have something he wanted, he laughed bitterly.

‘Don’t worry y/n’ he thought to himself.

‘It won’t be long till we are together again’ he thought as he schemed ways to expose the real princess’s escape, not above exploiting his powers as the Prince.

[darkveyn]

𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐝

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 － inui seishu x reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 － cursing, grammar errors

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 － 799

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 － i rlly want to turn this into a series but i know i don't have the time and ability to do that so cries 😭 originally this is about inui struggling between both of his degrees and how reader will help him throughout his uni life. additionally, there's koko who major in finance and hanma, who comes from a rich family, studies business management lol. koko and hanma are smoking buddies lol. I SRSLY WANT TO WRITE IT AJSJSKDKDKHDH

inui is a fine art student but also pursuing a piano degree. it suits his calm and serene character. 

he's the type who stays back late in the class to practice. inui thinks he has to constantly refine his skills because he has a high standard for himself. and other people too. that's why he hates group projects. he prefers to work alone and refuses to let anyone watch him practice.

that one evening he was devastated with the grade he got for an art piece he'd been working on for months. he tried to cool his head, flaring his nose with eyes closed as he sat in front of a white grand piano.

he slowly swipe his fingers across the keys, casually putting on a canon in d. perhaps these soft cheery melodies will soothe his irritated nerves.

no, it didn't. his eyes are still closed, and the darkness only creates a space for him to ruminate the entire incident over and over again. if anything, it adds up to his frustration even more now.

i should've practiced more. he felt his eyebrows scrunching together. he thinks that he'd tried his best. but his mind is telling him otherwise.

you're not trying hard enough. his fingers twitched as the anger bubbled up at the pit of his stomach again. he missed a key.

“fuck,” he mumbles under his breath lowly, but his anger couldn't be subdue in that one word so his hand curled into a fist, diverting all his stress into it, slamming it all down to the piano. 

he glared on his lap, palms clutching on his knees now as he tried to calm himself again. before inui could even attempt to compose himself again, he heard a small series of claps resonated around the recital hall, but the source was right behind him.

he turn around in shock. no one ever seen him deranged like these before. although he doesn't care about his image in the university, inui would hate it if the others make up rumors and gossip about him. as if he wasn't known as the dry and lonely perfectionist among his coursemates already.

inui tried to take a good look on you. he didn't remember seeing you in any of his classes. maybe you shared one of those general courses with him?

“i don't know what you're mad about but,” you said as you approached him in small steps carefully as you're aware of his mood.

“you've worked hard today!” you added, as your lips etched into a smile out of reflex. you think it's an after effect of that beautiful melody.

his heart twinged at your compliment. wait, was it even a compliment? but he doesn't hate it. inui was constantly praised for his natural talent and creativity in art. he had heard enough of that. no one ever talked about how hard he worked for his passion. no one  sees it. 

but now, here you are. smiling at him like an angel glows upon his eyes, warming his heart like a cup of hot chocolates in winter.

inui couldn't think of what to say, just switching glances between your face and the floor. you noticed that, and you assumed you'd made him uncomfortable.

“i guess i'll leave now. keep up the good work!” you pretend that you're in a hurry, abruptly waved at him and turn your heels, ready to run for the door.

“hey,” inui calls out, even his hand stopped in midair, but he doesn't know what to say. he thinks he probably look dumb now.

and you, who thinks that you've just annoyed him, turn around to face him again but are too afraid to say anything too.

“urm,” he retracted his hand back to the nape of his neck, eyes on the ceiling this time. damn, he look so stupid now.

“will you...come and watch me practice again?” inui can already feel his cheeks burning. he should've asked for your name first. goddamnit.

“sure!” your voice boomed with excitement, echoes around the hall instantly. 

“but urm...only if you want me to,” he was amazed by how you switched to a timid voice now just within seconds. just by watching the way you tuck strands of hair behind your ears shyly made his heart melt. cute.

inui stood up to grab his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he walked down the stairs. you expect him to say something but he walked past you before you could react.

and before you could even ask for his name, the sound of the door creaked as he pushed past it.

“see you tomorrow at 8”

© 2021 darkveyn. all rights reserved. reblogs are very much appreciated <3

[ringmyheart]

Can I request Vin Jin boyfriend headcanons and some fluff? (You don't have to force yourself)

(This and the other vin jin rq were merged!)

Honestly the way I see it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a very calm person or outgoing person. No matter what this relationship is gonna end up being considerably chaotic

He ropes you into everything he does. Doesn’t matter if u r a design student or an architecture student or if ur on the opposite side of the school from him, u r practically in his class. Dating him is like signing a contract sealing away ur own life bc he makes it a point to be ALWAYS w u

In class he doesn’t gaf if the teacher has ur seat on the other end of class, he is somehow finding a way to sit next to u against ur will or not. And when the teacher moves u two away from eachother INTENTIONALLY bc of this, he is threatening whoever happened to sit next to u to trade seats w him. He will go as far as to dress up as them to make it look like they’re them to be next to u and he’s so dramatic ab it.... being away from u felt like u were star crossed lovers whom the world was fiercely against

And if UR against this cuz ur tired of getting in trouble in class, or if you reject any of his advances, he’s gonna be really, really, really offended. He will at first sputter and be kinda shy and embarrassed about it, before he goes “fine! Have fun on your own without me, the greatest thing in your fucking life!”

He move seats back and will glare at you periodically every five minutes to pavlov dog you so that every five minutes every day, even when he’s not there, you feel the burning stare of vin jin

If you’re his s/o, he’ll buy you a matching pair of sunglasses so ur the freshest looking couple around Seoul (they’re hideous and thick but he thinks u look fly)

The glasses don’t have nearly as many layers as his does for himself so u can see, and u wonder how he managed to make them just as bulky and if he did it on purpose to sabotage u. Like “did u make my glasses purposefully ugly so no one else will want me?”

U have to dodge a punch after saying anything like that ab his fashion decisions LMAOAO

He’s rlly proud of u two matching. With the glasses and anything in general. He’ll make you wear a jacket matching his, or the same shoes and he will stop people in the hall and be like “wait. Notice anything cool ab us today?? Cooler than normal??”

And when they don’t respond he boasts “that’s right!! Me and my other half r matching. Look at us and weep, losers.” He thinks u two look so good....... if ur enthusiastic ab wearing matching things too he is elated u have to pray that tomorrow he won’t show up w another “if lost return to Vin Jin” “I’m Vin Jin” pair of jackets or anything of the like bc it happens SO OFTEN

And on the topic of sharing when it’s cold he likes to share jackets and blankets w u. Ur desks r moved by eachother by vin jin himself and u two share one blanket over u and shiver bc he just likes it, sharing w u plus he’s slightly warmer. And yes if you guys had indivizual blankets you would be warmer, but u guys have to struggle together he doesn’t care what anyone says (yes even ur protests ur sharing that one blanket wether he has to wrap it around u himself and tear up the one u brought on ur own or what”

He is so blind in love that he cannot tell when u guys suck at stuff. Like if ur in the wrong he doesnt care ur RIGHT and he’s taking that to the grave. He can belittle u and call u out but if someone else says ur in the wrong it’s on sight

Will die protecting ur name even when ur the one who was genuinely wrong

He forces u to make a beat for him to rap to. He loves rapping and wants to enjoy it w u, so ur forcefed YouTube videos of how to beatbox so u can be his bgm and eventually u probably just start to enjoy it to

And u always start a beat and he starts busting out rhymes and it’s SO BAD. It doesn’t matter if ur good at beatboxing if vin Jin is on the track w u it’s gonna sound terrible he brings the quality down immensely but u two just cannot tell

Like after a two session ur like “omg... that was so good. We should go pro?” “Fuck yea we should we’re better than those posers” “we could rlly make it in the industry fr” no u absolutely could not

During the school festival, u sang with him and it was SO bad. Half the crowd is gonna have 2 be hospitalized but u two had FUN up on the stage

Like I said, he has absolute faith in u. All u do is right. If ur driving a car for the first time, he is going to be ur little hype man doesn’t matter if u suck. U hit a curb and he went “YES babe!! Ur killing it cant wait till u hit the road bby” Ur not allowed to touch a car for the next two years now bc he kept cheering u on when u we’re doing CLEARLY wrong things

On a plane u r looking for the bathroom like pensively and u see a handle and look back and r like “is this it???” And vin jin thinking u r all righteous will go “yea babe go for it” and u open it and u depressurizate the cabin immediately

Now both on like 5 no fly lists

He loves to do things with u, like I mentioned earlier, and things he wouldn’t do alone he’ll do w u. Like drawing alone?? Boring. Drawing w Y/N??!!! Who knows what could happen..... so much fun could ensue. Maybe he will draw u cutely. Maybe he will draw u so ugly u will be forced to engage in a fight.

He likes to play just dance w u and compete for the “greats/all star!” Little titles above, and it becomes like a Friday night ritual for u two to turn just dance on and just go at it. But sometimes he’ll get too intense and suddenly he’s actually fighting for the chance to beat u. Will trip u so u lose on purpose

He makes u listen to him sing and rap to u. And u try to leave and he hugs tightly and is like LISTEN IFS FOR U, DONT BE UNGRATEFUL and now u have to listen

He makes u a mixtape of songs he made himself and they are all considerably worse than “remember the times we had”. It’s uploaded on SoundCloud and all the comments r hate and u listen to it a lot bc u know he loves u sm he made u a mixtape ya ur gonna play that but everyone else hates it w a passion

Like the comments r like:

Daniel: well.... it’s definitely a song 😅 I’m glad you love (y/n) so much!

Duke: he’s not making it out the hood 😐

Zach: never let this man in a studio AGAIN

Mary: this should’ve stayed in the CD

(Y/N): love it! 😍

Zoe: kill your producer 💀

Mira: ...

He’s overprotective too

If someone looks at u for more than a second he’ll go “what?? U think she is hot, huh? I’ll kick ur ass fucking perv.... cmon babe let’s go”

Will throw his arm around u and streer u the opposite way of any potentially good looking ppl to keep ur eyes on him

Oh Daniel is coming?? What a coincidence u and vin Jin suddenly have to turn the corner to the other way of ur classroom for some reason

Eli is near?!!! Oh no u just got milk spilt in ur eye!! Oh no now he has to wipe ur eyes and u two have to leave the cafeteria whatever will he do

It’s not that he doesn’t have faith in u, he doesn’t have faith in other men. Like he thinks they r all competition, and doesn’t doubt ur loyalty rather doubts how good he can b for u

WILL beat someone up for u. If someone smokes while ur around suddenly his fists r swinging at them cuz even if u smoke or vape urself no one else can get that stuff in ur lungs but YOU or HIM!!

If ur crossing the street and a car almost hits u, it’s the cars fault and he’s kicking the license plate and cursing it out for almost touching u “stupid fucking piece of metal”

Is the type of boyfriend to call u when he knows ur in an Uber and be like “babe u got ur gun w u right?? Oh don’t forget ur BOMB and ur MACHETE!! Yeah just left the house I killed some ppl nbd haha anyways HRU what’s ur Uber driver like” so the driver of ur car won’t even think ab kidnapping u. He has got ur back even when u do not want it

He doesn’t want u to see his eyes, so he’ll tell you to look away so he can take his glasses off and look at u in full color in all ur glory but he never tells u WHY he’s telling u to look away u think it’s a weird thing of his, or he’s insecure ab his face which is partially true but really he’s taking his glasses off and just looking at u. Adoringly.....

He hates PDA. He loves PDA. Do u see his dilemma

Like he loves PDA but doesn’t want anyone seeing him vulnerable even u.... so he’ll hold ur hand and be like “EWWW WHAT R U DOING GET YR HAND OFF MINE”

If u take the lead THATS best bc he can blame it on u and it’s ur fault he HAS to lock fingers w u cuz u did it to him first and he has an excuse to touch u and v like u started this im just sending u ur own energy back 😤

The type to be just like blind, overwhelmed in love. Always thinks ab u, always wants to be w u, worries ab u a lot and frets over u without showing it.... he hates it and loves it to death. Despises it but wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world

Eats lunch w u in the cafeteria and if u sit w someone else u r the ultimate traitor and he will trash talk u to hide his hurt to Mary the entire lunchtime. Kinda possessive.... wants u to also only think about him

WOULDNT EVER fight u for real. Play fights occur VERY often, like pillow fights, tripping ur foot when u say a joke insulting him, grabbing ur collar but he would sooner die than lay a finger on u

Verbal fights happen a lot and if he ever like LOSES it he may lash out and almost hit u and follow thru. I don’t think he’d be able to catch himself that quickly, and if he ever did he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Literally until the day dies he will take it to his grave

He may not sputter out apologieswill just look at u incredulously and then at his hands because what had he done? What did he just do? To you???????? (Y/n))))?????? His (y/n)??? Light of his life?

Will apologize probably over text or through a note or call, and if u don’t respond he is consumed by regret and tries to find u instantly like runs back to ur place

If u forgive him he feels bad still, because does he deserve it? And he might just isolate himself for a bit bc he can’t face u and if it left a scar he is dead inside. It kills him, literally

I could go on w this but I’ll probably save it for another separate pair of hcs later 😭

If u guys ever break up he will fight for u again and won’t stop till ur back together like flowers in ur locker every day, chocolate give during lunch, etc. He wont ever give up hope that he can win u over again and be w u again. He would keep trying, when he wakes up his first thought is ur name in a cold panic bc he can’t rest easy till ur his again and he will try and show off and poorly serenade u and trash his price and be corny and cheesy to get u back

Will set up a performance w the school to let him rap w a mic during lunch for u and he’s saying bars like “(read in bad rapping voice w inconsistent beat) (y/n), love of my life, uh, without you I’d die, uh. Please won’t you take me back? Yuh, without you ima have a heart attack. (Wha!). (Y/n), love of my life, yeah, without you I’m in strife, yup! Please be mine again, (babe), I can never rest till then.”

If the embarrassment doesn’t make u take him back so he’ll pls stop, and when he stands up on the lunch tables to do a little performance doesn’t do it either, then the odd sincerity of his voice and pain in his look (even tho while rapping he sticks out his lower lip in a weird pout) definitely, hopefully will

U make everything worth it !! Truly the light of his life

I hope these were what u wanted, I just had fun w them and wrote stuff that came off the top of my head when I thought of VJ!! ❤️

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[myownprivatcidaho]

hiii sia how are u today? how are things w ur crush how's life in general ? luv u <3 💞💓💘💗💕💝

HI REY :DDD im doing p good. one kf my classes i signed up for was an 8 week speedcourse that i didnt realize was 2x fast until it was too late ajdndjd but the final exam was yesterday so im feeling good about and thats one less class to worry about now!

my CRUSH. hmmm so last wednesday was one of those things that didnt rlly hit until in retrospect. i put more effort into just. engaging with him more (and wore my slutpants on the last day possible before it gets cold beyond the point of no return) and at first it felt like he was ignoring me but then he.sat next to me (again in retrospect on purpose and kinda indiscreetly ajdjfjdjd he was about to sit in the row in front and then just conveniently saw a pencil on the floor kinda in front of me and was like "is this someones pencil?" and then picked it up and sat down right next to me. bless him it was clumsy but a nice save i like him so much) and i stg this guy is fucking CRAZY like at this point we're just playing around without even TALKING like full on flirting like its a game to see how much we can do without outright acknowledging the. like we'll purposefully mirror each others body language he wasnt even TRYING to be discreet about checking me out and. okay OKAY okokok. two important things about this guy

1) hes a fast learner

and

2) he returns favors

so like whenever he could like if he was checking me out (cause he knows im purposefully doing all this bullshit cause i know he likes it) hed flex his hands cause he knows EYE like it and thats like. catching on really fucking fast. i hate him i want to kiss him. anyways if nothing happens before the end of the semester i WILL ask him out on the last day it WILL HAPPEN!!!

but yeah tytytyty for asking overall things are good. HOW are you doing hows life for you?? i hope thingsre good for you too mwah💞✨💞✨

[hyperfixationtimego]

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Like

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

[gaeullie]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3

[nostalgicgeminiii]

astrology & upcoming changes in hollywood 🎬

While reading about the Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike of ‘07/08, I took time to check out the astrology of that time and was pleasantly surprised how the transits supported and illustrated the strike. 

The following post will take a look at the transits that influenced the strike and the Golden Globes’ recent decision to cancel its 2022 awards ceremony in a protest against the HFPA who Netlfix, Amazon have also taken a stance against due to their lack of diversity in their voting members.

                                       Let’s get straight into this shit.

A little background info first : WGA announced a strike on Nov 2 ‘07 and the strike began on Nov 5th, the following Monday in attempt to gain increased funding for their writers which were significantly smaller compared to the profits that larger studios and producers in the country made. The strike was one of the longest for the guild and reportedly, the industry lost $500 million dollars to due productions stopping and forcing networks to show reruns.

The transits of that day (using Nov 5th when the strike actually started) that were most important were 

Saturn in Virgo at 6 degrees - as we know Virgo rules over workers and it’s ruling planet is mercury (writing). The double influence of Virgo with Saturn (limitations + larger organizations) showed there was some restructuring that needed to take place.

On the first day of the strike, Jupiter was transiting Sag at 20 degrees (20 = Scorpio deg = jealously / the writers were upset at the lack of funding they received compared to the other parts of the industry ) and moving towards Pluto which was also in Sag at 27 degrees (27 = Gemini = writing). They would make a conjunction in the sign sometime in mid December of that year. Jupiter and Pluto together ->  brought on a wave of upheaval which left plenty of productions put to a halt, productions that were viewed world wide (sag) and networks had no choice but to show re-runs of shows affected. Obvi, Jupiter expands everything it touches (good or bad) and unfortunately during the period the strike took place, not a lot of common folk realized the extent and depth of the issue.

Additionally, the north node was @ 3 degrees in Pisces (3 = Gemini + writing and Pisces = Neptune = film industry) was in opposition to Saturn. They felt a need for order in the workplace with Saturn touching the south node transit in Virgo.

And the cherry on top of the sundae, is the moon - venus conjunction in virgo that happened that first morning. 

In the beginning, Saturn was in the opposite sign of both Jupiter and Pluto’s transiting signs and by the time the strike ended, Jupiter and Pluto both went into Capricorn (Saturn's ruling sign) making a trine aka an easy aspect to Saturn in Virgo. The negotiations between the WGA and other party finally were agreed upon and the strike was able to end with rules and legislation (cap) that supported the writers (virgo). Remember Virgo traditionally rules the 6th house of work and its trine to the 10th house of career, public institutions trad. ruled by Capricorn.

As a writer myself, this is a big issue we can face. We watch actors like RDJ and the Rock earn $50 million for one movie and directors cashing in similar profits while the writers who create these stories have a greater chance of getting snubbed. They also are not really the face of the industry as that role is given to the prominent actors and filmmakers. Writers and other professionals in the industry are often forgotten and not visibly recognized. 

TL:DR /// All that Virgo energy came in and said nah we want some order in this shit 

                                                Now, the recent shit.

Early 2021, saw The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) came under repeated backlash and fire for the lack of diversity in their members and for an email sent by a now - former member of the HFPA that called the BLM movement a “racist hate movement”, to other members. In addition to other actions that were made by this former member ( I rlly wanna call him an ass***), they tried to take action by promising a reform that would bring in inclusive policies and more members of colour specifically black voting members. However, groups like NBC, Netflix, Amazon, WarnerMedia and others made arguments that the proposed changes were not enough to tackle the inclusion challenges in the industry AND it would not be completed soon enough to reflect in the 2022 GG broadcast. The HFPA ultimately decided to cancel the 2022 Golden Globes Ceremony and made this statement:

"change of this magnitude takes time and work, and we feel strongly that the HFPA needs time to do it right"

The HFPA made this history making decision on May 10 ‘21

This acc happened a day before the new moon in Taurus went exact. (note: the moon was in Taurus on this day as well) New moons represent new beginnings and Taurus is associated with - slow & steady. As a result of the arguments and concerns that were brought forward, the change that the HFPA thought was appropriate was actually going to take longer than they believed. Look back at the above quote [ needs time to do it right ] That’s very much Taurus new moon energy right there.

Saturn was transiting Aquarius at 13 degrees. 13 - Aries (first) aqua (groups of ppl specifically marginalized communities) This was the first taste of karmic actions that organizations such as the HFPA have to fix and correct to include equality and inclusion of less represented individuals in an industry that has incredibly dense roots in whiteness and patriarchy. This was the first time that an awards show was cancelled to address this issue.

Jupiter was transiting the final degree of Aquarius (29 deg = Leo) and with Jupiter representing opportunities, this was symbolic of black people (aqua = different/ marginalized groups) getting the chance to be equally represented in the entertainment (leo) industry. 

Coincidentally, on both the dates of the HFPA announcement and the WGA strike, mars was in its detriment sign - Cancer - This transit could bring about strikes and fighting with groups of a close belonging. Take a look at the writers on strike. They were a close knit group of ppl (aka family) within their industry or community who helped defend each other and defend against limitations (Capricorn/Saturn) that threatened their livelihood and security (cancer).

I have an additional interpretation of the mars in cancer transit however (idc if ppl get mad) SOOO imo and from what I’ve read, white ppl are ruled by the moon/cancer and the book of rulership suggests that black ppl are ruled by Capricorn/Saturn. Now when mars was in cancer in 2007, Pluto was in sag which is inconjunct from the sign mars was in (cancer). Sag = other cultures, international -------- The conflict affected not only the country that the strike took place in but many parts of the world that consumed American media. Note: this was also media that majorly represented white Americans (ruled by cancer). Now fast forward to 2021: Pluto has been in Capricorn since ‘08 - a time which marked a visible rise of black achievement in the US (Obama becoming president, black voices being given bigger platforms and so much more) and heavy discussions and protests revolving around the growing violence and systemic oppression against African Americans (BLM, Trayvon Martin) Capricorn is opposite to Cancer so with the recent mars in cancer transit that was opposing pluto in cap we saw actions that needed to be taken to bring about change and mars in cancer moves slow to make those changes and really only makes changes and takes action based on comfort and now  with pluto in its opposite sign being like “cmon bitch move yo ass” changes are finally slowly coming together. Pluto defo destroys and rebuilds but leaves what needs to be kept.

My take on what could happen as Pluto leaves Capricorn and enters Aquarius, we could see the film industry being left and cared for by the general masses. Pluto in Leo brought the control of the industry to a select few and the nepotism in the industry that exists today was fortified. We could really start to see everyday ppl, really different ppl outside of the “norm” brought to prominence. Neptune’ future transit into Aries will help strength this change. (aries = first). I’ll make another post in the future talking about what I think Pluto and Neptune’s transit into aqua and aries will possibly bring 🚗

[plsgivemeadvice]

Ok so my first pedo experience was when I was 11, in year 7.

I was coming home from dance it was 6 or 7pm. I’m not that pretty no chest no ass and I don’t have that much confidence so my outdoor clothes r just sweats t shirt and jacket. I was waiting for the bus from the train station to home when this old guy, he was lk 70 or 80 I think, came over sat next to me(he originally sat on this whole different seat but saw me and came over) and started talking to me about opal cards blah blah blah about how they’re different and how mine was youth and his was senior.

I was so weirded out and I didn’t really know what to do how to react if I should pretend someone was calling me. I’m a major introvert so I just sat there awkwardly nodding along to what he said. The bus came lk 5 minutes later and we got on, he didn’t sit next to me so that was good. We both got off the same stop he got off first and waited for me then asked me if I wanted to go to Maccas, which I obviously rejected. My parents were both still working and my brother doesn’t really pick up my calls so I called my then best friend immediately and just talked to her till I got home.

That experience made me scared to travel by myself for the first time. I have about 2 more similar stories but I can’t really remember what happened in them because it felt so natural, it was just another creepy person so deal with. All of these were strangers so I never saw them again.

I’m 15 right now and I got my first job about half a year ago at a fast food store where most of the people working there are in high school like me or in uni.

About 2 months ago, they hired a bunch of mew people because we were low staffed. Since I’ve been there longer, I have to train them so they know what to do. One day, it was quiet and it was just me and this 20 smth year old uni student so I tried to start a convo so it wouldn’t be awkward. I just complained about the old restaurant manager and how she hated me. Apart from that, we barely talked and I was not close to him at all.

A few weeks after that, he texted me(he got my number from the work gc) and we just had a generic convo…until he out of the blue told me he broke up. That was the first red flag but I just brushed it off and gave him a very generic response lk oh I’m srry just give it some time and you’ll feel better. I probably should’ve realised there was smth wrong when he decided to tell a 15 year old high school girl with no relationship experience and goes to an all girls school about his break up.

We didn’t text for weeks and then yesterday he texted me again. At this point, I still thought he was just tryna be friends so I went along with it. We mainly talked about online school and lockdown and stuff then I realised he kept trying to sneak in things like ‘I hope lockdown ends soon so I can see you again’ to which I would respond oh rlly, I don’t I lk lockdown I get to stay home. That was the second red flag and I got really suspicious so I kept trying to give him hints in my response like my example above where I would just block his attempts. He didn’t take the hints. He later asked me if my parents would approve of me being in a relo. That was the third red flag. I really wanted him to stop and I was giving him as many chances as possible because I don’t know what to do when someone I have to work with starts being a creep.

Anyways, I responded to that by saying ‘no’ ‘I don’t rlly want one rn either’. He then replied saying ‘uhm uhmm nice girl yeah hahaa’ and when I didn’t respond, apologised and said pls don’t be mad. I was able to get out of the convo by telling him I had online school and a dentist appointment after so I couldn’t text him.

He texted me today and was lk yo u forgot about me right?. I still haven’t replied to him and it is currently 11:25pm at the time of typing this. I don’t plan to reply to him anytime soon.

However, since I do have to work with him, I can’t sour the relationship but he isn’t taking any hints and continues to hit on me despite me being a minor and is having a 5+ age gap. Any advice?

Apologies for the long rant and any typos that I may have made.