#i hate what you've fucking done to me

[h1lpuri]

I can't believe Ted Lasso is the reason I'm gonna start writing fics again, I perish of boredom the minute there's football on tv and yet I am doing research to write about these goddamn football himbos

[iamfuckingsorry]

"Do you know where we are going next?" I asked ART.

Y'know what, I think maybe I don't need any more Murderbot books. I think maybe ending things here is fucking perfect and as much as I love Wells's writing I'm genuinely not sure it can get better for me.

Like, so much of the books are about MB learning how to be a person, about becoming okay with being a complete individual with everything it entails. The first thing it does once it's actually allowed to decide on its own is it runs away from it all (admittedly to go on a mission to confirm some things about its past, because it genuinely just wants to be *good*). It shoves all its emotions away as much as it's able to. Then shit happens, and it makes its first friends, makes decisions based on these friendships, goes through a lot of emotionally intense situations...

And we get to this point here. MB having zero doubts about going with ART says a lot about its relationship with ART, but it also says a lot about its relationship with its humans - it knows that wherever it goes, when it comes back, the humans will still be there. Its humans actively acknowledge its struggles with being a now-free SecUnit and MB is willing to entertain the discussions to an extent and share information about its deeply personal experiences. Hell, System Collapse ends with MB admitting it might be somewhat broken, but that's okay as long as it can keep doing its job, and agreeing to basically do counselling - this is the guy what would rewatch its favourite TV show again and again in order to avoid acknowledging it even had Emotions a couple books back.

Reading this, I know that MB will be okay. It has hopes and goals and genuinely believes in itself and it has an amazing support system that its willing to lean on for the first time in its life. I'm convinced it'll go on to do great things with ART. And that's really the only thing I need to know.

[absurdlyalive]

people who pick apart people's accounts of their problems on the basis of semantics go outside challenge

[aeolianblues]

I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

[dogearedheart]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

[theghostofashton]

.

[maakeba]

i've always been a very picky shipper and then ted lasso s3 happened

two aces? sure, royjamie? alright!, jamiekeeley? not bad, keeleyroy? must be, jamiekeeleyroy? of course!, roytrent? i get it, tedtrent? i see it, tedbecca? the signs are there, all of the above? why not!, none of the above? cool too!!!

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[levil0vesyou]

Literally what are you still doing here!!! What do you want!!! Just unfollow me!!! What, you didn't notice you're the one mutual I deliberately didn't refollow with the new main??

What do I have to do to get your terf ass to finally fuck off

[ranger-kellyn]

i said it on my swiftie blog last but fuck it i'll say it here too bc i woke up still annoyed about it:

for a website that does a ton of bitching and moaning about media literacy and and saying all this "you all clearly didn't pay attention in high school english", funny how suddenly none of y'all know what a fucking metaphor is.

of course taylor wasn't literally raised in an asylum! the public eye is the inescapable asylum!

i think about all the genuinely shitty and harmful things i've said and done across all my nearly 30 years. i have said and done some awful shit, because i am an incredibly fallible person who was raised by incredibly fallible parents and relatives, raised in a fallible community (things i literally had ZERO choice in) and surrounded by incredibly fallible friends. i have hung around some horrible people who said and did horrible things.

if i had to learn everything i've learned all while under a microscope from the public-- yeah! i'd go fucking insane! i wouldn't last ten seconds in that!!

and i really reckon you wouldn't, either, because the unfortunately reality is we're all fallible. most of us just have the luxury of being complete nobodies

[zelda-posting]

tears of the kingdom could have been so good if it were built around like, its story or its characters instead of being a clunky shell to show off the mechanic no one asked for that it forces you to use

[liferetainsitssparkle]

op/la is a really good case study for adapting a work while engaging meaningfully with a quarter of its themes

[neverendingford]

Therapists have two genders:

Professional Asshole and

Well-meaning Incompetent

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I need you all to understand that I worked for about two months on Further Than Blood (my 50k vampire fic) and banged out In the Gray (my 26k zombie fic) in roughly 48 hours. People like the former but they are going absolutely BATSHIT over the latter.

My first point is that writing is a bit of a crapshoot. You can never truly be sure what stories are going to hit an indefinable sweet spot that drives people to madness (complimentary). So write what you want to write, and don't destroy yourself over whether people will like it or not.

My second point is that I've gotten a lot of compliments for churning that second fic out in basically two days. People want to know how I did it. I joke that I don't know, and that I was clearly possessed, but the truth is: Two decades of work went into that fic.

The burst of inspiration and skill that allowed me to write that fic in such a short time didn't come from nowhere. It came from working on my writing almost every day for twenty years. It came from taking breaks from writing when I needed to. It came from reading fics and books and watching films and shows written by people far more skilled than I am. It came from making writing a daily habit, even if it was only a sentence, rather than sitting around hoping lightning would strike me.

Those two-day sprints of inspiration, where the writing just flows, where you feel in the grip of the story, where the muse is basically giving your writer brain a blowjob? You can't wait for them to come around. They will, but not without all the work behind it. And if you only wait for those moments, you'll write very little, and you'll be waiting for a long time.

The last time I had a fit of inspiration like that and churned out a fic that people went batshit over?

December, 2018. Confidence Trick, my best Timeless work. That's almost exactly four years ago, for those of you keeping track.

To summarize:

Write for yourself. Write what you want. You don't know what'll be popular and if anyone else says they do, they're lying.

You can't sprint the 500 meter dash and win a gold medal if you don't get up and go for a run every morning.

[ralexsol]

i love when i make plans with other people and im super on top of it and everyone agrees to the plan. and then lo and behold nobody else goes with the plan