#i have a breakdown i draw my oc i feel better

[patchworkpoett]

[pears-trinkets]

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[ssalballoon]

i wanna get better at art but dont know how to start ^^' whats a good way to get into studying anatomy and improving as an artist? tysm 💗 love your art soso much

more art converts 😼 yay!!

i think these asks were sent by different people but they're pretty related + a lot of my advice is the same! so i'll answer these together under the cut (it's so long oh gosh)

ok first of all i'm very flattered that people are asking me for art advice but i'm really not the most equipped person to ask TTOTT I've never been deliberately studious with my art so I feel bad offering advice when I've mostly gotten by with just drawing fanart and ocs a lot... my rate of improvement has therefore been slow, but I've still had an enjoyable learning experience so perhaps from that angle my input may help! i'll mainly refer you to external resources that have helped me

For anatomy + drawing humans:

1) I know I'm not diligent enough to sit down and study muscles, so instead I make it more enjoyable by drawing my favorite characters in a pose that targets the muscles I want to practice! (i default to drawing ppl naked because of this lol) This isn't the most efficient, but it serves as good motivation to get practice in. (honestly a lot of my general art advice has the undercurrent of becoming so obsessed with characters to drive your motivation to draw even when artblocked/ struggling with doubts!)

2) I want to refer you to Sinix's Anatomy playlist! Although Sinix focuses more on digital painting, he gives simplified anatomy breakdowns that include how muscles change shape under different movements/poses, which is crucial for natural human posing. the static anatomy diagrams from Google don't really help for that

3) What's just as important as anatomy is gestures! (especially important if you're used to drawing non-human objects I think!) Making figures look like they have flow to them will sell the "naturalness"(?) to your anatomy. If you have in person life drawing sessions accessible near you I'd recommend trying those out, or if you prefer trying it digitally there's this website!

This helps you not only get a sense of human proportions, but also natural posing! I'd limit the time taken to draw the poses from like 10 seconds to 1 minute(?) for quick gestures, and maybe 1 minute to 5mins(for now!! typically they go much longer) to study human proportions. I'd say don't spend a lot of time on them, repetition is more important!

4) I've also picked up on useful anatomy tidbits from artists online! Looking at how practiced/ professional artists stylize a body helps me focus on what the essential details are to convey a particular form (looking up "human muscles" and being hit with anatomy diagrams full of all the smallest details can be overwhelming! what do you even focus on?! so these educated simplifications really help me) Like Emilio Dekure's work! Look how simplified these figures are, and yet contain all the essential information to convey the sense of accurate form (even though it's highly exaggerated!)

(shamefully admits I've never studied from actual anatomy books so I can't recommend anything in that sense TTOTT)

For general improvement:

1) I highly recommend Sinix's Design Theory playlist and Paintover Pals! (+ his channel in general) You don't have to put them immediately into practice, but I think these are good fundamental lessons to just listen to and have them in the back of your mind to revisit another day. Plus these videos are just fun and very approachable! Design theory fundamentals are essential to creating appeal and directing a viewer's attention, and critiquing others' work/ seeing his suggestions are a good way to practice noticing areas of improvement+ solutions yourself!

2) If you prefer a more formal teaching resource, the Drawabox YouTube course covers all the basic fundamentals of drawing in short lessons. But honestly if I were starting out, this would be a little intimidating for me (and even now it still is! I haven't done all of them) But even if you don't watch them, the titles should give you an idea of the basic concepts that are valuable to pick up. I think it would be nice to keep in mind and revisit once in a while as you learn!

(One lesson I do encourage you to watch is the line control one! A confident continuous line conveys motion and flow much better compared to discontinuous frayed lines which I think is good to practice early by drawing from the wrist and shoulder)

3) As a universal piece of advice: Please please please use references! Use a reference for literally everything, observing is how we learn! You'll find that a lot of things you thought you knew what they looked like are inaccurate by memory alone. Also, trace! This is solely for your practice, tracing then freehanding has helped me grasp proportions when I was struggling! (of course don't post these online if you traced from art)

I've found that being able to compile references into easy to access boards has been very helpful in encouraging me to use references more. For PC, I think they use PureRef (free/pay what you want), and for iPad I use VizRef. VizRef is a one time purchase (which was definitely worth the $3.99 USD price imo)

4) On that note, try building up the habit to observe from media + real life and make purposeful comments about what you see! Like hey, when I bend my knee, the muscles/fat in my thighs and calves bulge outwards, I should draw that next time. Purposeful observation carries over to your overall visual library, and it's a little thing that adds up over time

5) For motivation, get into media you really enjoy, or make your own characters! The way I started art more seriously was by drawing fanart + OCs from anime that I liked ^^ For OCs it really encourages you to draw more because you're the primary creator of their art! Also you gotta see a lot of good art to make good art! Watching visually appealing media (like animation with appealing stylization/simplification) can passively help you learn just by observation.

ok wow I could go on but this is already a lot of information TTOTT my main aim for this reply is basically: don't let anything discourage you from learning to draw!! drawing is so fun and brings me a lot of joy ^^ practicing often will of course help you improve, and the way to incentivize that is by having fun with it! i hope this could help!💞

[holylulusworld]

Jerk next door (1) – Moving in

Summary: You move in next door to a jerk after a bad break up.

Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!Reader

Characters: Peter Parker, Ned Leeds, OC Doris Parker, mentions of Loki/Thor

Warnings: angst, Andy being a jerk, a grumpy and prissy one, OOC Andy, language, shy reader

Jerk next door masterlist

Jerk. That’s the only word coming to your mind to describe the guy next door. From the moment you got out of your car to carry the first suitcase into your new home, he wouldn’t stop nagging.

You barely had the time to slam the trunk shut before he stalked toward you to scold you for being too loud. Now, fifteen minutes later you are close to a breakdown.

“We have rules here. This neighborhood has standards,” he looks you up and down, sneering as you are in an old pair of jeans, sneakers which have seen better times, and a worn-out shirt. “The afternoon quiet hour is kept from 13 to 15 o'clock.“

“It’s barely 13 o’clock,“ you retort as the man, who still didn’t tell you his name, glares down at you. 

If not for his shitty behavior, you would call him attractive. His blue eyes sparkle as he runs his hand over his thick bear to think about a comeback.

“I just arrived. Can I at least carry my suitcases inside my house, or do you want me to wait for two hours until I can change clothing?”

“Rules must be followed,” he snarls, and you flinch as he stretches his arm out to point at his house. “All of us follow the rules.” Your neighbor huffs as your shoulders sack and you try to make yourself as small as possible.

“I can’t change clothing out here, on the street. I didn’t even make some noise,” you sniff. “The movers will come much later. I’ll call them and tell them about the rules.”

“Just go inside and don’t bother your neighbors,” he turns around before you can recover from his verbal attack. Why did you have to choose to buy this house out of all the ones you saw on your house hunting tour? “At least try to be a good neighbor.” He mutters while walking away.

“Says the man barking at me the moment I got out of my car,” you whisper. You huff while glancing at the suitcases on the sidewalk. You’ve got a few more in the back of your car but dare not to get them out.

You still stand on the sidewalk minutes after the man left. It feels like hours as you just watch his house to make sure he won’t come back.

“Hi, I’m Doris,” an elderly lady slowly approaches you. She coos her name while holding out her hand. “You already have met Andy Barber, huh?”

“Kinda,” you glance at the house of the jerk attacking you not moments ago. “Did I make too much noise? I didn’t know about the rules. My old neighborhood was more…you know…less suburban…”

“Oh no,” she chuckles lightly. “I don’t care about such things. Andy is the one complaining about almost anything. Noises, the smell of the barbecue on a windy day, messy front yards. I think he tries to compensate…” she bites her tongue, stopping midsentence. “Never mind. Do you need help with your suitcases? My grandson and his friend are still around.”

“I don’t want to bother anyone,” you shyly glance at Doris. She seems to be a kind woman, but you don’t want to get involved with anyone. You’ll duck your head and try not to draw too much attention toward you.

“Nonsense, sweety. Peter and his friend Ned will help you with pleasure,” she softly says. It seems that Doris can sense your insecurities. “Let me call them and ignore Barber. He can be an ass…”

Half an hour later Peter and his friend Ned helped you carry all of your suitcases and the small box with your orchids inside your house. “Peter, Ned, thank you again.”

You are currently sitting in your backyard, eating pizza with Doris and the boys as the moving teams carries your furniture inside your new home.

While you watch the young men feast on the pizza you ordered, Doris keeps a close eye on the men carrying your furniture. “A good team. They are friendly and work hard.”

“The boss is a friend of my best friend,” you explain. “See the tall guy over there?” you point at one of the men. “That’s Thor, and the guy in the green shirt is his brother, my friend’s fiancé.”

“A masterpiece,” Doris shamelessly ogles Thor while you try to ignore that Andy Barber stomps toward your house. “What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.” She sings, making the boys chuckle. “My dear, can you introduce him to me?”

“He’s married, Doris,” she sighs deeply as you tell her Thor is married to a nice woman. “I’m sorry.”

“What about the others?” Doris glances at the rest of the mover team, humming as one of them bends down to pick another box up. “What a nice ass…”

“Grandma,” Peter complains loudly. He rolls his eyes as Doris gets up from her chair to wave at the team. “Can you just not.”

“Aw, leave her be, Pete,” Ned snickers. He watches Doris flirt with Thor’s team. “She’s still a red-blooded woman. You should be glad your grandma is looking for love.”

“I told you,” you flinch as Andy Barber stands in front of your fence. He points at the mover team, scrunching up his nose as you nervously glance at him, “no loud noises. It’s still the afternoon quiet hour.” He taps his watch with his index finger.

“Mr. Barber, don’t be such a spoilsport,” Peter gets up from his chair to walk toward a much taller Andy Barber. “It’s quarter to three. Fifteen minutes, Mr. Barber. Why are you annoying people over fifteen minutes? How about you get that stick out of your ass?”

“PETER!” Doris tuts. She holds back a chuckle but knows better than to mess with Andy Barber. “You will apologize to Mr. Barber.”

“Why?” Peter glances at his grandmother. “Did you forget he yelled at this lovely lady not so long ago? Y/N barely left her car and got a suitcase out before he harassed her.”

“Peter, it’s fine,” you nervously run your hands up and down your thighs. “I told the mover team about the rules. Thor said it’s fine. I’m sorry, Mr. Barber.”

“Hey, it’s not a crime,” Ned gives you a soft smile. “They are almost done. Only the bed is left. Don’t let Mr. Barber get under your skin.”

“I’ll let it slip this time,” Andy glares at you cower in your seat. “Next time, I’ll not let you get away with it…”

>> Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[britishmuffin]

Hello, Britishmuffin

I hope you are having a wonderful day/night.

Just wanted to know what inspires you to make such amazing art pieces? As well how do you deal with art block?

Im a artist myself but times get tuff and I lose motivation and start developing art block.

Sincerely, fisheggsoup :)

Morning! Love your name :D

Truthfully, my biggest motivator is born of necessity these days. I create art because I have bills to pay and family to support. My patrons are a huge driving force in all this, cheering me on from the sidelines while I work; my band of blessed saviours.

I also make sure that my social feeds are full of artists I love, who make art that makes me happy. I'm always watching films and playing games, always constantly absorbing media in this wacky age of technology-infused information. Then if I'm lucky, I get the chance to step outside for a walk in the woods with my sibling to help ground ourselves in the world and reconnect with nature, pure medicine for the troubled soul.

All of these activities serve to stir the Brain Soup and sometimes reflect in my artwork. I rarely get struck with the "fabled bolt of inspiration" these days, but I blame the current climate. I did used to.

As some of you will already know because I'm being quite open about it this time, I'm currently battling the worst bout of burnout I've had in literal years. So really, I'm not sure I'm the best person to be asking on the topic of how to deal with it, but here you go:

In my experience it’s not the best idea to wait for inspiration to strike. Inspiration is unreliable, constantly waiting can leave you anxious, and also most of us just don’t have the luxury of being able to. I kinda think we just need to create despite it (or TO spite it, or in order to spite someone who told you you couldn't, if that's your sauce).

If you feel like your art sucks, instead of expecting perfection try just giving yourself permission to be bad at art for a while, you might be surprised about how much of a relief it feels. Make a hundred terrible little sketches, doodles, scribbles, or just make marks on paper. You don’t even have to show them to anyone, they can be just for your eyes! More often than not I’ve found that the physical act of creating artwork can genuinely inspire you to make more, and better work. It flexes those art muscles and gets the creative cogs whirring. Just make stuff!!!

As a person who’s had little choice but to create for years, it can be really helpful to push through it. Not always, though.

Sometimes the art block you’re staring down actually goes layers deep into the realms of debilitating mental health and poor living status, right into dangerous burnout and breakdown territory. Some would argue that creating art in times of real pain is the best medicine, and indeed, creates the best results. I wholly disagree.

My advice is to always make art in those moments when you can, even if it sucks. And when you just can’t, then rest. Watch your favourite guilty pleasure anime, cook some delicious food, hug your pets, go exist in nature for a bit. Have you ever seen Kiki’s Delivery Service? That!

Helpful links to combat art block:

Line of Action has great learning resources, while also being a brilliant tool for a variety of speedy sketch warm-ups

Don’t know what to draw? Use a character description generator!

You could flex your figure drawing muscles with models on Figurosity, AdorkaStock, or ArtModels360 (nudity warning)

Improve your fundamental art skills with Drawabox or videos on The Fix List

Generate some colour palettes to use as a challenge. Adobe’s colour wheel tool isn’t too bad either

Other more practical tips include:

If you struggle staying motivated, try to refocus by sitting down and asking yourself "What kind of art do I really want to create?” Try to rediscover what excites you! Is your aim to work in the art industry? To be able to draw your OCs smooching? Draw beefy bara men? Do you really just wanna paint cool rocks? All valid af

Pull up images of your favourite artworks and study them. Ask yourself “Why do I like this artwork?” Are the outfits really cool designs? Is the lineart super stylish? Do you love the way they used colours? After that, think about what you need to learn to get to that point yourself, and start small. Mimic your favourite artworks in order to learn how to do it.

Example: If you realise that you want to improve at drawing hands, just spend a week learning about them. Draw pages and pages of them, find a way to make them fun and sexy to draw! I did just that, and now hands are actually one of my favourite things to draw, it works.

Warm-ups are SO important. If you just started on a piece and already feel defeated, ask yourself “Did I warm up enough first?” You can try looping fifty quick spirals in different sizes with your pen, scratch out some box shapes, doodle some funky wiggly shapes, crosshatch them, whatever you want! Just get that hand moving before you leap into your artwork of choice, it helps to loosen up to keep your lines from becoming too stiff.

If it’s just not working today, that’s okay. Take a break by filtering your creativity into another entirely different creative pursuit. You could try baking something tasty, making music, writing for your next D&D campaign, building cute houses in minecraft or the sims, painting miniatures, crafting with paper or sewing fabric, etc etc. Anything that keeps the creative brain ticking that isn’t drawing is also worthwhile.

And, mentally:

Try not to worry about what other people think of your artwork. Doesn’t matter what age you are or your background, the fact you’ve created anything at all is incredible. You brought something into the world that didn’t exist before. You’re powerful as hell.

Related: please please please don’t focus on being “successful” on social media. Even though I know it can feel awesome to post your art and get instant reactions, these things are a death spiral of addictive behaviour and shouldn’t dictate your creativity. Use sparingly.

Remember that your kid self would absolutely be losing their mind over the cool stuff you’ve made now. Same goes for your ancient ancestors who used to make those little clay animals. You’re doing great, be proud.

Don’t be so damn hard on yourself. I mean it <3

If you keep drawing you will improve. You will get your motivation back. You will make art again even if it takes you a while. And know that a muffin is cheering for you c:

[crownedinmarigolds]

12, 19, and 17 for Noa and Xandy if not already answered?

*Gasp!* Thank you for asking ahhH! 12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Noa: 12. I would say the most difficult part about creating art for Noa is having to really restrain myself! Noa is incredibly repressed and has SUPER staunch beliefs and a code she really sticks to, so I feel weird if I just do certain things with her with wild abandon even if I really really want to. Like if I want to fun crack!ship her with anyone, then I overthink like "well she wouldn't do that," or etc... making her probably the most socially "inept" out of all of my OCs! Like, Nono is not a meme'r. 17. I'm usually very flexible with character stuff, I don't keep things I feel are actively detrimental to the stories I want to tell with them! If they have something going on with them, I put it there purposefully and with good reason. I will say I regretted certain things at her initial conception when I was playing her on a live VTM server. I had made her a Instagram starlet with a cute big butt. I had just added the butt thing as a dumb little "hee hee I got a bubble butt" but a LOT of people really ran with it? It made me actively uncomfortable how people took the "has a big butt" thing and made her to be a very very sexual character. It was this attitude towards Noa that actually had me hard reverse her into being sexually repulsed and also being small and flat as a board. Of course... people still sexualized her even with these traits as well in our next server we played her on. It could just be the way I type making people feel nice, but it's still very annoying to try and play a serious game or write out a serious conversation and people just won't stop writing about how their drooling over her body. So I regret making Noa curvaceous in the beginning of her play, but I'm VERY happy with Noa as she is now. I use the sexualization from these people to fuel a very important part of her motivations! 19. I love lots of stuff about Nono, but I think I love her having a good father despite being a Giovanni? Now her father wasn't good to her brother of course, but so many people go nuts with the more unsavory parts of the Giovanni lore in VTM, so I just feel satisfied with Noa having a good relationship with her Dad while he's alive.

Xandy: 12. Xandy is a bit difficult to write for because I have very specific situations in mind that involve her that are hard to make interesting in a written format? If that makes sense. She's very action oriented, swift, silent. If I could animate I think she'd be a blast to draw - I imagine her operating like Faith from Mirror's Edge - lots of parkour and smooth disarming motions. However writing action isn't my biggest strong suit. One of her coping mechanisms is to try and see herself as a tool for her Master to use, and while writing her breakdowns is very thrilling, I also can't have her upset ALL the time. She fills a great role in the canon but otherwise a little difficult to make the main character. ALSO - a lot of her stuff is history based, and that's a TON of research to fall down the rabbit hole for! 17. Xandy was one of my first REAL OCs... I had a few before her but she's probably the one I've had and kept the longest. [I had a ATLA one for a little bit and a Naruto OC that lasted a while but none stuck like Xandy!] I have changed her a lot over the fifteen years I've had her! There's not much I regret really, she was my Call of Duty Modern Warfare OC, so she was a military woman - which COULD be regretful but nah. It suited what I liked at the time and she's changed for the better I think! I suppose one regret is that she's silent and distant, which makes writing fun interactions hard, but it's still an important part of her character! 19. My favorite fact about her is.... commitment issues? I think I love it because I'm such a hardcore Ride or Die, and so are practically all of my characters. So it's kind of fun to have someone who is like "BAIL" the second someone really shows genuine adoration and interest in her beyond a one night stand or a passing curiosity! She's not against-against commitment... she just knows the life she lives and how "it just can't work."

THANK YOU GORGEOUS FOR ASKING!!!!!

[chatgroove]

Lol so uh, hi, I'm Pulse, and I don't use my personal tumblr as much as I should and I would like to change that. I recently made a decision to get rid of a side blog that made me pretty happy because the people who partook in said k!nk community made me want to rip my hair out after a while. To save you the suspense I had a blog focused around my tickling kink lol It's still something I think about lately but my interests have changed and I don't want to associate my OCs with just k!nk anymore. They're so much more than that.

I want to finally write my book one day. Maybe even get the drive up to work on the comic. Idk something, I want my babies out there. And it feels weird trying to do that with my n/sfw blog hanging over my head with these characters that is totally...ooc for most of them lol. So if you're following me from said blog, hi, it's good to see you again and sorry I've been so sparce. Life has been kind of mean this past month.

Idk if I mentioned it but but we lost our 7 year old German Shepherd Lucy to stomach cancer later in September. She was the light of our life and currently as I'm typing this I'm weeping once again for her. That's because it was a combo of my mental health taking a nosedive after deleting a blog I had for 8 years, a pit of depression I fell into, and ofc, OF fucking course losing our precious Lucy.

But today was the tipping point. Mandy, the dog we adopted from the pound, had to be taken to the vet one final time. The bastards at the pound knew she had kennel cough and they wouldn't wait on spaying her so she got aspirate pneumonia from the procedure. We tried so hard for a week to nurse her back to health, get her to eat, get her to take the meds, anything. She just like...tanked overnight. And we had already fallen in love with her.

Today fucking sucked. Losing Mandy is making the feeling of all my other loses hit me all at once and I woke up from a nap unable to stop crying. I know this is just a rough patch but wow this hurts. This hurts really bad. I just want Lucy back. I want Mandy back. I wanted to give Mandy a good home. She was so sweet and she was taken from us too soon.

Again, I want to get into the swing of using this blog more and posting art but currently I'm just trying to keep my head above water man. I can't even draw or do anything that I love to do.

It'll come back to me, I know it will. I just. I'm hurting right now so I guess please be gentle with me haha. For those on discord who reached out to me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart but I'm so bad at having friends see me having a mental breakdown that I'm kind of just hiding away. But thank you guys for being so kind.

I'm gonna hug Dante and watch some movies I think and eat my pizza and try to feel better. Thanks for reading <3

[wisp-enclosure]

this is ages and ages and ages late because I fussed way too much trying to figure out the "right" wording, but - I hope you're feeling better, or that you will feel better soon. I know it's not always easy to accept what's said at face value, but you're a genuinely wonderful presence in the community and (even though I never could figure out a graceful way to say it), I always love hearing what you have to say and hearing about your characters. take it easy and take care ❤️

SQUEEZING U SQUEEZING U

I'm definitely feeling better since the breakdown, still not 100% but I'd say a solid 85. Getting there. There are still some things I'm trying to get back into the headspace for (drawing, sharing things about my ocs just like, in general) but at the very least I no longer think I'm like, a burden to be around.

[mossy-rainfrog]

Trich isn't a fucking cute little condition for your shitty character

Hi there! I’m going to choose to be respectful here and give you the benefit of the doubt on this and explain my motives here a little. I do not owe you my time or my backstory, but I am going to give them because I truly hope that you are someone well-meaning who is concerned about misrepresentation and/or glorification.

That being said. Yes, I am aware it isn’t a “cute” little condition. I myself struggle with trich and have struggled with it for over half my life. It sent me to the hospital once, and completely destroyed my self image for years. It was and still is an incredibly difficult disorder/behavior to cope with, and although I am doing so much better with my mental health now, it is still something I struggle with. I know first hand how harmful it can be.

Because of this, when I created Dots, I wanted to give a character the same struggle as me. I wanted to look at her and see someone afraid and frustrated with herself and having the same breakdowns in bathrooms as I had, and then I wanted to give her kindness. I wanted to think she was beautiful and love her for her small victories and her fight against trich, because I wasn’t ready to give myself that kindness yet.

And I’m not the only one. Lots of other people who struggle with trich feel demonized, feel unseen and ignored and mocked, even though it’s quite a common disorder and even some popular celebrities have it (hello Charlize Theron!). And now that I’ve learned my worth, I want to keep striving to showcase that in what I do.

Yes, I’m just drawing my silly little OC’s for the month of october, a challenge meant for my own personal enjoyment above anything else, but if another person with trich comes across my doodle of Dots and feels seen, feels empowered for it? Then it feels like I’m doing this for other people too, and I’m all the happier for it. Us folks with trichotillomania deserve to be seen, deserve to be represented, and deserved to be loved as we are. Full stop.

I hope you’re doing well 💙

[hyperfixated-chaos]

Meet my oc Ethan! You may know him as the first Golden Guard in Hollow Mind (the one with the ruff, I just didn’t draw it here). Also known as the one Belos definitely tried to hit with his staff before Luz and Hunter rounded the corner. He’s 1st Generation, so he's from very early on in the timeline.

(On the left is Ethan when he was alive, and on the right is him in the afterlife.)

Belos is still kind of solidifying his system for making Grimwalkers at this point, but he makes sure they all have human ears (he thinks the idea of a Grimwalker of Caleb having witch ears is offensive). With Ethan though, he was trying to improve his Grimwalker-making and accidentally gave Ethan witch ears. That was bad enough, but as you can see he doesn't like much like Caleb regardless. Because of this, Belos had some particularly disdain for him and was extra violent and cruel. He compared him to Caleb a lot and and said he was a failed version of him who Caleb would be ashamed of, on top of just blaming him for everything that ever went wrong. Let’s just say Ethan had a ✨Reaction✨ to seeing Caleb in the afterlife.

Speaking of the afterlife, Ethan is doing much better there! He’s afraid of touch, but once he feels safe with someone he’s quite clingy because he’s touch starved. He’s actually quite close with Caleb, so you can usually find Ethan with him when Caleb’s around. Ethan’s also a very good listener, he loves it when people want to talk to him and he just sits there like ":)" He’s one of the most prone to breakdowns but pretty much everyone’s nice about it, and all the 1st Gens at least know how to help calm him down. He is the local baby brother everyone would throw hands to protect. <3

{au masterpost}

[lgbtveggietales]

so i made this text post last night, and then i deleted it like five minutes later because i was convinced by my partner that the anon who sent me that “fan art” was just looking for a reaction and i didn’t want to give it to them. after a night of ruminating, i still feel like i deserve to say this. it’s not funny. i don’t know if you were trying to be funny, or if you were just trying to hurt my feelings, but it’s very upsetting. it crosses a lot of lines, and i don’t think tacking “i love your art and ocs!” onto it makes things any better. i’m sparing my followers the details of said drawing, so i’m not going to be writing an essay or anything. i’m also not new to online harassment so if you expected this to give me a complete mental breakdown and stop my world from turning on its axis...well, points for trying, i guess. at least you got your reaction? i think that’s all i have to say.  i’ll pray for you, anon. ((also for my other followers, yes this is why submissions and anons are turned off for the time being. sorry about that.))

[wpdariacutnes]

🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰🥑🍰

Me: but I have eyes, but it's sewn in, there's also meli, but there's also meli discomfort, and I'm having a breakdown, so well, suck both

I just have a strange feeling about Lord Art or something like that I didn't ask at first, I just draw normality (whole life and das normality) except that normally it's ok that normally link works sometimes they use my work o szadki and that's all o ok it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't work, only oc and generally the whole thing, only self oc ponds knows fan cheraters yara yara

but call me metor is a deam took much like i knows yes im can buding shadow a See not so flet das fact on self arts and they think my art is OK, what if it's a comic book anyway? it's more like it's normal, everyone does it and others get it, the heavens open their fucking legs XD seriously, if they find one, they will say some Lord Art and he has picked up on small elements *only in himself he points his ass at me about this fact* because I don't see him saying "it's fine" nope me only say lord's

so I immediately say my logic art me makes ok:

skic pencil anyway lines wiceram as saw how anime/manga/normally art a wona fun or knows chill and bit RP more time (others call it stupid, but I never use it because it depends on the sketchbook, it's more aqua or something like logic poco but im hate dys because one esly bruken and someone hartcore none rezan or say same is flet and full why)

the shading is different, sometimes it was the usual, convex one, but it was very egg-shaped

then I thought it was more about point shadow elements, that it was daytime at all, so it was more like button shadow

and then there are these lines as if they were itching to rip it off, not really, it's black chen or shoper shadow, which means it's more vulgar, but don't tease me because it's not dark, it's just general

and so I mix these 3 logic shadow a going because dys a wona to because slow someone get same lines and not going blood ax das wona bit chages a self because knows logic

but in general knows a paper wogue, look, coputer skrin and das look back look pepers, i.e., I use good intuition and sometimes I look to see if I've lost something or something

and they are complaining that I am like other cams, as I say, I had no idea and I didn't say anything, and I just don't know, I'm sorry, other people who have a better idea that I like them, wadoo, like those anime people who have self-control and wadomo, and they still hit me for no reason

☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰

Me: but I have a strange problem, you say that people themselves, because they are older, use AI because they are afraid that they will lose their heads. it's just a base ref someone say AI not a base ref and someone look and skic dys a more skils and say okey

But ploblem none one say is onely hem art but hem flap is a art and again lot camcom use dys and say "oh? But enifing colonel huge and knows use AI a enifing buff skin" and later say " hold on you on now buff art line because camcom lot a das fanbase frow trauma as use it dys"i.e. their meter get huge smap a face because das been Real lines espert huh okey

the only problem is that the whole lord art was crazy about all this only on the children, these are children generally little blood like someone say a kirby someone how and overall, this is a psychological attack on me when they say that Lord Art is Ai and look it start going and das toxic not helping a been humer like sorry but is fact because more hate dys persen because i don't knows one style line a someone wona code radom sexy pick and skrue you because play get radom proity of art like none here like not expleing das frow you a hot tea and knows it

ale muwie soko tak lord art of AI working now das look pintrest and take care because see you working drowing like look it what like or love and dysfret frow a fire because not stop spam or stop coll you ONLY dys role or enifing wona miss gender finks down and do not expleing who or how ploblem like expleing normality

Like knows self skic dys a dys like on fine but dys like someone did and das cool because dys a take self silesly get a handel care for because dys been Real Stell resisting a been here a NOT only knows killing chader

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Me: I say me art look fine but not say a lord king a art or sowing enifing prince because i not so huge a dys dill and dont like it

Because wery wona look das say look pinters das enifing dys a wona go look radom raf/sick and take care

Or normally ask dyfrent a knows it better like knows wideo game artbook and take same a looking das dont charing take me like dys is not work (little i relazing bit a wirdo slap because i dont knows why but enifing better say a art makers is a slaver cancer and why cofuze because normal ingoring dys like is not enifing wall art liners a das pop dester guys eke: pixel art and games or only like sega/nitedo/camcom and radom because is a art lords a slaver on prince like HOLD ON YOU NOT SAY SLELSY NOW?!?)

☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰☯️🍰

Offical note: 05.02.2024.r

Because enifing heppend i expleing bit expleing me esperiments more art radom lines radom handel pycho radom take whatever wer been a work petty rezan like so price take so petty and like i dont knows me explode lafing or cofzue so hart a someone hit a grund and say " let me look deficeld"

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[warriorfujoshi]

so my brains been real fucked up since i got covid near the end of last year and since then ive been in a slush-like mental state where some days i can barely read. plus my physical health which has always been kinda shite is also not doing great. i developed like 2 new tummy-based issues it is that serious fr. its been really hard living on my own in a different country where i have basically no irl support system bc i have no friends due to a genuinely unlikeable personality. ive also been trying to take medication for adhd for the first time and due to my psych being a genuine quack its been fucking me up crazy style with unknown impacts on my physical health too. so like i had a huge breakdown basically 21 years in the making and my mom came to visit and make sure im not fucking dying and im a bajillion assignments behind on every subject so were currently trying to apply to withdraw so i dont get failures on my record. and when that goes through im applying for a leave of absence. and when THAT goes through im packing my shit up and returning to my home country for like a year for various treatments and such. but nothing is guaranteed and i just have to wait. ummm… it fucking sucks. its better than how id get treated by the system back home but ohhh it sucks. no one even cares but i just feel really pathetic these days for the burden im putting on my family and for disappointing all my teachers. i wish i could draw and get excited over my ocs again. i cant really remember much anymore. i wish someone could have noticed and helped me way before all of this, but perhaps its on me for never being that good at asking for help or crying. hahaha.

[bushidont]

Im sorry you had to go throught this.

From the post you made i felt something tragic had happen, im glad youre ok.

Theres only really one way to get evidence for that but if you are all really really scared you can always talk to the police and ask for help. They will know better. Maybe like an injunction or something?

I really feel you should draw for yourself, you shouldnt let anything or anyone make you hate something you like. If drawing a comic makes you happy then thats where it start and end really.

And if you really cannot help yourself then id suggest speaking to a specialist imho

I mean honestly, it was partly my fault for sticking around for so long. There had been plenty of red flags, but I wanted to try and make things better. Genuinely, I was a fool. But it happened, and I have to live with it.

I did go to the police after we broke up and he was stalking/harassing me. They told me that they couldn't do anything against it since we live in different countries. I live in the Netherlands, he lives in Canada. As far as I know, I just have to endure this. I don't want to turn off anons, but sometimes I do because of him.

And yeah, I want to draw for myself. For the most part, I do. But when someone expresses interest in your oc to the point you get fired up, only to realize it's just your ex, then it kind of really takes the wind out of your sails, you know. It hurts to know that the only one really interested is your shitass ex.

And yeah, a number of my friends told me I should see a professional. It's been a hard year on my mental. Had a real big mental breakdown earlier this year that's still bothering me a lot. I just don't know how to get one :/

But hey, anon, if you want to you can sign your anonymous messages with something so I can tell the difference between you and him more easily. Perhaps send a second ask with a little 'N' or an emote or something like that. I'm still willing to draw and do stuff if it's you/not him :)

[the-city-kitty]

Bit of a rant.

I’m so unbelievably annoyed at how shot my confidence in my drawing has become. Like, I don’t consider myself an “artist” in that sense, drawing is not my main mode of artistic expression however it is one that after years of avoiding and hating it I learned to really like doing and found joy and fun in doing. I like to draw. Even if the final product isn’t necessary “good,” if I like how it looks at the end then that’s enough for me and I enjoy the process of getting there. At least I did.

I honestly have no idea what happened and that’s really the annoying part is sometimes you don’t realize what it is you’re internalizing until suddenly the thing that you really liked and you still want to like makes you feel so fucking awful every time you try to do it. I used to give way less of a shit and I would just fill a page with random doodles or I would spend time on an illustration, getting as detailed as my skill level allowed but still having fun the whole time. Now every time I start a sketch I’ll put down one single line and something in me just booms WRONG! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!

And I know that to get better at art it takes practice and quite frankly I don’t practice at regular intervals cuz again, it’s not my main mode of expression, but at least for me the development of the skill is sort of secondary, cuz I don’t really start sketching with the goal to be better at the next sketch, I just want to sketch. So it’s incredibly frustrating that as soon as I put pencil to paper I get this innate sense of dread that I’m wasting time and supplies for something I’m not even that good at. It’s annoying because it was something that I struggled so hard to undo when I first got into drawing so that I could really enjoy it and it feels like somehow, without my noticing, I got back to square one again.

Part of it too is that I’ve made such big strides in getting back into writing and maintaining my motivation to write, unfortunately making that progress still hasn’t eliminated the part of me that reflexively thinks that any time spent not writing is a waste. It’s definitely a thought left ofer from the days when I was scared I would never pick up my pen again, but now that I’ve made progress it’s still stuck around, but now it’s just adapted to the new situation. And because drawing has always been a secondary hobby for me now every time I try, that thought just viciously attacks me every time. “Why would you waste time drawing when you could be working on your writing? Your writing is what you will be remembered for, that’s what’s more important.”

And quite frankly I really only started taking an interest in drawing because I wanted to draw fan art. Yes it has since expanded to wanting to draw my own OCs but fan art is where I got started and it’s what is plaguing me now. And it’s frustrating because I am a very visual thinker! I can “see” everything in my mind, and even then there’s reference images and I know intellectually that when I draw the characters I want to draw it doesn’t necessarily have to match up with the style of the show but there’s also something so intimidating about trying to figure out how to translate a character from their original art style into one that I can draw because… I don’t even know what my “art style” is. And that’s always what makes me stop and get frustrated and put my pencil down, fuck man today I got so stupidly close to having a small breakdown because I couldn’t find an eraser which meant I couldn’t fix any mistakes I made on the sketch I was trying to start. So I just… quit. And I’m getting so tired of wanting to draw and just quitting, cuz like I said, I see it all in my head and I think about drawing it and that thought makes me excited and happy and then as soon as I start trying to do it all that happiness just bleeds right back out of me.

It’s like there’s this disconnect between my brain and my hands and no matter what I do, switching from drawing on paper to digital drawing, trying to make the perfect setting (clean desk), or allotting myself plenty of time so I don’t have to worry about anything other than trying to enjoy the drawing process, I just… can’t anymore. And it makes me very very sad.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

(@whimpers-and-whumpers) concept: Chris in college. He has to do a certain number of gen ed credits to get his degree. He ends up in a mythology class. Chris has a breakdown when the class discussion turns to Baldur, Norse god of light and purity.

CW: Referenced past pet whump, traumatic memories, vaaaaague suggestions about past noncon, past whump of a minor, brief internalized ableism, warning for past Oliver being a fucking creep

“Well, this one just has a stupid name,” Ben says, squinting at his mythology textbook, tapping at a page. 

“What, what is it?” Chris and Ben are ‘studying’ together, which today mostly means Ben is studying and Chris is thinking about Laken’s arms when they wear a tank top. 

Ben is on is stomach on his bed, book open in front of him, while Chris lays on his back on the surprisingly plush shaggy rug that Ben bought at Target three weeks ago. Chris could sleep on this thing if he wanted, it’s so comfortable. Not that Chris can’t sleep pretty much anywhere. 

Chris closes his eyes, thinking about Laken’s smile, with their slightly crooked incisor tooth on the one side, when Ben says, “Baldur.”

Chris’s eyes open back up.

Baldur, darlin’. His Sir is calling him, hand on his head, waking him from his doze hidden under his desk, curled into a ball in the safe, dark space. Baldur, wake up, sweetheart, were you dreaming again?

“Why would you name a god Bald-er? Like, celebrate not having hair, I guess. What a stupid name.”

Nicky’s voice, wrinkling his nose, saying I’m not going to call you that when he heard. 

“That’s not, um, not what it, it, it means,” Chris says. Ben doesn’t use the overhead light when Chris is in his room - it buzzes in a way that gets under Chris’s skin. Instead, he uses warm yellowy lamps, and opens the curtains over the window to let outside light in. 

“Oh, you know this?” Ben looks up, and Chris’s face is carefully schooled emptiness, as much as it can be. Ben doesn’t know what to look for, so he doesn’t see it, and that’s what matters.

“Yep,” Chris says, shifting uneasily. Laying on his back suddenly feels wrong and also entirely right, exactly how he’s meant to be. He catches himself and pushes up to seated, looking out Ben’s window, focusing on the blue sky, slivers of white clouds, the gentle rattle of wind against the window when it gusts.

He reminds himself that he can go out there whenever he wants.

“Well... tell me something about him that’s more interesting than this stupid paragraph.” Ben taps the page again.

Sir, can, can, can you-... can you, can-

Words, Baldur. Do you need to practice with the metronome again?

No! No... no thank you... Sir. I, I can... can you... tell me about... the mistletoe, again?

Much better. Of course I can, darlin’. Come kneel here next to me.

“Baldur is, um, is, is... Old Norse it means, um, ‘brave’.” Chris sighs, fiddling with the seam of his pants, shifting his hands up to rub at a rough spot on his knee, then up to the feather necklace he’s always wearing, rubbing at the textured, carved plastic carefully. “Or, you know, in, um, in... sometimes they, they think, it’s the same as, as... same root as Belobog-”

“The same what as what now?” 

“Um, Belobog is, um, is, is, is... is is is, is a, a day... a god of day. Slavic. Um. But, but so, so there’s this idea that maybe Baldur meant, um, Baltas, or, um, an older word like it, because Baldur was, was... beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Ben watches him with interest, but Chris doesn’t look at him. His Sir’s voice is in his ear, a hand tipping up his chin. Somewhere his Sir is... is still there, not in the big mansion with the hallway anymore, but... he’s somewhere. And Chris can feel him.

“Yeah,” Chris says, almost breathes. “Baldur was, was, was, was... was the most beautiful god.” He feels every line of his face, that his Sir once traced with his fingertips. He’s pretty. He knows he’s pretty. Too beautiful to be for anything else, sweetheart.

“Wow. So, what else do you know about him?”

It starts like this, darlin’. Baldur had a dream...

“Baldur... had a dream,” Chris says, and his voice shifts, slows down. He goes still where he sits on the rug, staring outside at the sky through Ben’s window. He sits perfectly still, breathing in a slow, even in-and-out, as if guided by the ticking of the metronome all over again. “He dreamed... about dying. And his mother did, too. His mother... dreamed his, his death. Just, just like he did.”

Ben’s face is serious and thoughtful, watching as Chris’s thumb stops rubbing at the feather necklace, and it drops back to thump against his chest.

“He was... sad, because the gods... the, the, the gods-... sorry, wrong, um, bad words, I just-... the gods...”

The gods dream in prophecy, Baldur, pretty thing. Never forget. Gods dream futures.

Yes, yes, yes, Sir.

And I dreamed your future, so what does that make me, sweetheart?

Did Sir ever dream this?

“The gods dream in prophecy,” Chris says, echoing his Sir’s voice in his head. “Frigg was, was, was scared.”

“Wait, that’s-” Ben turned pages in his notebook. “You mean Freya?”

“Frigga, Frija, Frigg,” Chris mumbles. The sky outside the window seems so far away, now.

“She, um, she went around and asked... asked, um, everything on Earth to, to... to promise they would never, never hurt Baldur. And... everything did, except... mistletoe.”

“Mistletoe? Like, the shit you kiss under at New Year’s?”

“Right. Everything but, but mistletoe.” He pulls his knees tight to his chest and sits like that, feeling Sir’s hand drift over the back of his neck, two fingers crook underneath soft leather of a collar Chris no longer wears. “It was... small, and a soft, soft thing, unimportant. When... when Loki-”

“Oh, I know who he is,” Ben says confidently, smiling now - but there’s a hint of something like worry in his eyes as he takes in Chris sitting perfectly still, like he’s carved from stone. 

“When, when Loki heard... he had a, a, a spear made of mistletoe. Loki didn’t, didn’t want to get in trouble for murder, so, um... so, so, so so so he gave the spear to, to, to Baldur’s brother, who was blind. Everyone threw things, at, at Baldur, and it bounced off, and Baldur’s smile was... was like the sun. Everyone loved him.”

Who could ever love you, pretty pet, but me?

“Baldur’s brother threw the, the spear. And killed him.”

Ben blinks, shifts forward. “He did? Holy shit.”

“Um, yes. Because, because the mistletoe-”

“Right. Because the mistletoe never promised not to hurt-... wow, that’s dark shit. Loki did that on purpose?”

“Yeah, he, um, he’s Loki. So. But, so, so, so... so this person, Baldur’s own family, um... killed him.”

“Yeah... shit. What happened after that?”

Chris rubs at the back of his neck, and feels the warmth of his Sir’s palm press over his hand, feels his mouth press a kiss to Chris’s coppery hair-

No, his hair is blue now. He did it himself. His hair is blue.

“Baldur,” He whispers, “went, went, went to, to, to... to... to hell-... I mean, um, to, to Hel, the goddess of the underworld. She, she, she saw his beauty and-... kept him. Be, beside her. And... and he couldn’t, couldn’t escape it, and come back, unless everything on earth cried for, for, for, for... for his loss. But one giant refused. So...” He trails off. “That’s, um, that’s... there’s more, but... yeah.”

“Wow.”

Chris swallows.

Well done, darlin’. You’ve never forgotten a single thing you learned for me...

“How do you know all this shit about fucking Norse gods, Chris?” Ben taps his pen on his paper, looking at his own sharp, angular handwriting, the notes he’s been taking all along. 

Unlike Chris’s notebooks, covered in loopy scrawling writing and with the margins full of doodles of shapes and little drawings of animals, Ben’s margins are as neat and empty as they can be. 

Chris usually feels like what his hand draws, a constant movement, a constant shift, filling his life in with his motion. Right now, though, he feels like Ben’s margins, empty open space. Paint over what was there before, and nothing’s left but the blank spots.

Chris shrugs. He pretends he doesn’t feel the soft weight of his Sir’s hand, resting just over the back of his neck, the brush of his lips over Chris’s earlobe, the whisper of his voice sending a shiver down his spine.

Beautiful boy. Would you like to hear about how Odin got his eight-legged horse today, darlin’?

Yes, yes... yes, Sir. Tell... tell me, tell, but can I... after can you tell me about, about Baldur again?

Silly boy. Of course I can. Lay down on your back for me. 

“I, I knew someone,” Chris says, his heart skipping a beat. He can almost feel himself leaning back into a phantom hand through his hair, ready to lay down on navy silk sheets, like none of the good things ever happened.

Like he’s still a beautiful boy, living in hell.

He breathes in, and then out. Tries to replace the feeling of Sir’s arms around him with the daydream he’s been having about Laken’s arms instead. 

“I knew someone who, um... who liked the, the stories about Baldur. A, a long time ago.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. A, um... a kid.”

“Like, a brother? I thought you just had your adopted brothers.”

“Um, no, not, not, not... not my brother.” Chris grips onto his feather necklace, again. He can almost feel the warmth of Laken’s skin when they accidentally bump against him in line to get dinner at the dining hall. “Not my brother. Just... just, um, a kid... who was kind of like me.”

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary - @whimpers-and-whumpers

(Nicky - briefly referenced here - is @orchidscript’s OC Henry)