#i have a lot of feelings about sam going from a hunter to a protector

[shallowseeker]

I just wanted to say that I love how you talk about John? I noticed in the scene where Cas is resurrected, there's not only a coffin in the background but a deer head with horns. Do you think that this is a John motif? The absent father.

Thank you. I think people have warmed to my John fascination, maybe.

I'm not SUPER fresh on this motif in my head, but thank you for pointing this out... think I'll watch for this symbol more often now.

//

So, yeah. You're right! I think this ep (5x01) is one of the earliest times Cas gets flanked by the horned God symbol... I agree it's a John motif, though this is by no means a symbol unique to John.

I think its appearance here dovetails nicely with Cas's enhanced expectations post-Fall (like healing Bobby, for example).

///

Re: horned symbols.

I think most of the characters get associated with this horned-God symbol at various times, especially the hunters when they're hunting.

If memory serves, there are a lot of ram horns, deer horns, goat horns, bull amulets, sitting on bull couches (99 Problems & Tombstone come to mind).

///

But I can think of a few instances where Cas gets flanked very prominently with father-god-horns. Even when he's feeling pretty powerless, like in Reading is Fundamental.

///

Cas also seems prominently associated with Foreign Gods at times, perhaps because, at heart, he is a "Protector from a different family," like a Spouse.

Cas's Buddhist symbols fit nicely with the idea of a "Prince Deciding to Fall into Lower Class/Mortality."

///

But horns.

We see John with father-horns when he's watching over Sam and Dean in s1:

John even has other motifs of protectorship, like THE CHAIR. He sits in this chair as his family sleeps, watchful to the point of unhinged paranoia.

///

But the idealized father-God is supposed to worship and protect the family he loves, not become a Tyrant. He should be a Servant, nourishing the family and adoring/worshipping the ones he's supposed to protect.

(Which is sort of... the whole deal with the angels and their mission, really.)

HESTER: When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost! For that, you're going to pay. HESTER walks towards DEAN, intending to KILL. Cas gets in between HESTER and DEAN. CASTIEL: Please. They're the ones we were put here to protect.

Or even Naomi: "Our mission was to protect what God created. I don't know when we forgot that."

///

He should be willing to bleed for them, not just demand their blood for the Greater Good/War Effort.

VS.

(Think of Aslan in C.S. Lewis's stories, letting his mane be shaved to protect his loved ones. That's the ideal.)

///

As for absent fathers. Yes, I think that swirls around John and the horned-god symbols. Of course.

And yeah, the absent father-protector motif works for Cas a lot too. But my fave motif for Cas is actually the concept of the mythological Artifical Husband. This is the husband who springs from the Cosmic world to step in and carry out "Fatherly" duties in the New Household.

Cas's coat represents the artificial materials that he sprung from, also representing the role Dean wants him to live with him as. (Note: Dean wasn't alone in this. Cas really zones in on the co-Father role in 10 and beyond.)

There are Russian tales I like for this, too - I like the idea of Cas's overcoat representing his and Dan's mutual longing FOR a spouse,. The coat embodies both the idea of the Artificial Husband and the royal/kingly/soldierly/spousal nature of Cas's motifs.

At first, the Artificial Husband is "not real," but he "becomes real" through the mortal's longing for him, causing him to undergo a transformational change. ("You changed me, Dean.")

The Artificial/Divine Husband undergoes a "Civilizing Process" initiated by the Mortal Spouse, and that's how he becomes a proper Cosmic Spouse. (Cheekily, this is why Chastity the sex worker was named Chastity. Aside// I think too of Enkidu/wildman becoming Civilized through sex with a sex priestess in Epic of Gilgamesh. The idea of mortal = virginity has perhaps become warped over time because there's some evidence to suggest that it wasn't rooted in "being untouched" so much as it was about youth/growth/new experiences/springtime.")

Cas becomes "more human" through his connection to Dean. We see this with the mark of the handprint representing humanity.

///

Cas also embodies the Animal Bridgegroom. This motif comes across as early as Pamela, who gets her eyes burnt out because she can't look at Cas.

I think it even works in s6, when Bobby and Sam urge Dean to reveal Cas's true nature and mechanations, ultimately culminating in them working with Death to kill Cas.

Then Cas becomes the Lost Husband, fleeing from Dean, and Dean has to go through many Purgatory trials and seek out new supernatural allies in order to reach him.

"When Cas first laid on a hand on you in Hell, he was Lost!"

Cas gets Lost a lot. Lost in battle, lost in war, lost in paranoia and overprotective overpreparedness, dead again, lost memory, lost sanity...

Don't even get me started on how "recognizing each other" and "amnesia" swirl around Dean-Cas with regard to the divinity-humanity marriage motif. Or how Dean's dubious consent loss/loss of free will/inhibitions gets him spirited away by Hell-Kings and Cosmic Darknesses.

So, yeah, I think there's a lot of mileage for Cas as "absent father," but there's even more mileage for him as the Lost Husband.

[casdeans-pie]

Okay so I have this post-finale fix-it fic that lives in my head rent free and I hope to one day write it but basically

(Also I'm scribbling over the bits of canon I don't want and using the bits I do)

Jack decides that a new batch of angels can fight the war against newly rising evil supernatural creatures, instead of humans, because he's sad at seeing how hunting messes up their lives.

These new angels will be made using the souls of once-humans in heaven, given the chance to become lesser-powered angels and go down to earth to protect humans. But as the new angels are made with souls, they'll have the ability to feel and won't be as powerful as the purely grace-powered ones from before.

They'll be able to walk on earth in vessels created in the image of their previous bodies - as they were when they died.

They won't have to eat or sleep, and they can heal themselves and each other.

But the new angels will not just be soldiers fighting the war against newly emerging evil, they will be protectors and guardians - they will have the capacity for empathy and love and kindness.

Jack decides the people who will be given the chance to become the new angels are hunters who died too soon, or are unhappy with the unchanging, never ending peace in heaven.

Congratulations Dean! You're both of those!

Jack proposes the offer to Dean - be infused with grace enough to be one of these new angels and he can walk on earth again to hunt things and save people. Whilst also being able to come back to heaven to visit Sam (who Jack will leave alone and not ask) and the rest of the people he loves in heaven.

Dean considers the offer for a while, because while he is unfulfilled with his life in heaven - he drives around, he visits Bobby, he talks with Sam, he drives around some more, he drinks beer that isn't real, he visits his mom, and he tries not to dwell on his mistakes (of which there are many and heaven has infinite time to find them floating around his head)

So in the end he agrees.

(Sam thinks it's a bad idea)

Dean still hasn't spoken to Cas since coming to heaven, and wonders what his opinion would be on it...

So Jack tells Dean that his vessel will be made with the blueprint they already have, by someone who's already got the experience. And Dean's only got time to be like, Cas? before his vision whites out

And BAM! Then we get Dean, deposited back on earth into a familiar barn, looking exactly as he did when he crawled out of his grave many years ago, and Cas, who Jack gave a vessel to, looking exactly as he did when they first met.

And Cas just says, "hello, Dean."

And now that Dean is an angel, though a lower powered one, he needs help to control his powers, and he has to learn how to fly (ofc he has wings now) and how to shift between earth and heaven.

Cas is obviously his teacher

Dean has an angel blade, but the ones from the new angels are shorter. Like teeny tiny angelic murder daggers

They become a demon hunting, people saving, duo. And Dean has to navigate his feelings and Cas has to navigate his feelings but they're both very emotionally constipated and they dance around the fact that they are just, stupidly in love with each other at all times.

It's especially difficult for Dean when Cas has to get handsy to teach him how to use his powers.

The other new angels are young hunters (Jo!) or older hunters (Ellen!)

And Dean thrives in this new life.

There's the potential for angel power shenanigans - sometimes Cas will gently touch Dean's shoulder like he used to, but now whatever light bulb is nearby will pop in response to how Dean feels about it. (The first time they kiss the city they're in has a blackout.)

They heal each other when they're injured on a hunt, but the intricacies of touching each other for healing is full of so much sexual tension you could cut it with a knife.

And yeah. This is basically because I've seen a lot of fics argue over Endgame Angel!Cas vs Endgame Human!Cas and I was like, okay BUT how about Endgame Angel!Dean ????

And also we get the season 4 looking Cas and Dean destiel content we deserved

[sallowhillshq]

.✾. ═  welcome to sallow hills.  enjoy your stay.

i see we have a new member to our town.  welcome, welcome DEAN WINCHESTER.  we truly hope you enjoy your stay.  please feel free to head over to bevin & cecil’s until you’re settled.  i know it might be difficult right now and you might be missing your home.  Sam and Castiel may be arriving shortly, so you won’t have to be alone.

══ moony we’re so excited to have your newest muse in sallow hills!  you can re-find the welcome package in the source link & if you are using side blogs, make sure we know where your character is going.  

╔═.✾. ═  LOG *** :  dean winchester |  cis man, he/him |  36.

Just spotted DEAN / THE RIGHTEOUS MAN around town.  Our records show that they remember [ some things ] from their source : supernatural (canon).   They were first spotted in july 2021 and our best guess is that their last memory would be closing the gates of hell & sam “dying”.  Archivists watching them state that they still have the eldest child syndrome, lack of understanding of self, fear of breaking the norm, protector of the weak, dad rock blasting vibe about them.

━  from Armes E. Sallow’s  personal archives. ═.✾. ═╝ ↳・゜eoin macken.

↳・゜hahahahaha mental state: falling back into supernatural and dragging scout with me. ANYWAY. i am pulling dean from just after the season 8 finale, but with a bit of a twist. instead of saving sam by allowing ezekiel/gadreel take over, dean believes sam died closing the gates of hell. he also believes cas was successful in closing the gates of heaven and is forever locked up there (not that he’s mourning that all no, no no no). after roaming around america for a month, he found that he only saw sorrow and the people he lost there. with heaven and hell closed for business, dean figured that the hunters no longer needed him and he could finally leave the business. he boarded a trans-altantic ship with baby and ended up in ireland, and then in wales. he was just driving around northern wales when he crossed into sallow hills. the time jump, truthfully, wasn’t that much of a shock to dean, nor were the supernatural beings. what was as shock was the fact that his favorite freaking characters were here. kate fucking kane and tim drake! luke freaking skywalker.

but despite that excitement, he carries the weight of his lost brother and definitely not way more than a friend but dean is too repressed to acknowledge it. he’s working at the mechanics currently, spending his days buried in cars.

some notes: i’m pulling, honestly, a lot from fanon and some canon divergence. the core of dean is the same, but with some adjustments. i’m going to be writing him on the autistic spectrum with high masking thanks to dear ole pappy John. i also write dean as bisexual, homoromantic.

[socialanxiety-queen]

My thoughts on the Bellaire video

•Colby is Sam’s protector and no one can tell me otherwise.

•Despite what a lot of others think I think both Sam and Colby have abilities, I’ve kept that to myself because so many people claim Colby is the only one. I think Colby is the protector, the one who can’t get attachments because he’s got this strong light energy about him but it makes him sensitive to other energy around him. Sam I think is an empath aswell, he feels deeply and therefore things attach to him more easily. And he does tend to get the most emotional out of the two, things bring him to the brink of tears alot. When Colby has said before the last time he’s every cried was when his grandmother died, he’s not a huge crier.

I think when their together Sam and Colby are a force to be reckoned with, no one can touch them. I also believe the attachment to Sam isn’t from the Sallie house but from the Conjuring house. Sam was by himself, and that shadow in the window is who I think k actually attached to Sam. This is all my opinion, so I don’t expect anyone to agree with me.

• Take a shot each time Colby says “God is with me.”

•I’m not sure the box said ‘Colby’, I heard ‘Hold me’ but I dunno. I’m a huge non-believer of Steve Huff, I’ve always felt he’s a fraud and therefore would never buy anything he sells. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So I’m not going to talk about anything said in the seance room because the portal box is bullshit to me.

•”Three boys about to be alone in a haunted house, to do something spooky -While naked” By Panic! At The Disco

• “Did it get warm in here? 😏” - Bear

It’s my thoughts too when those two are alone bear.

•”I like holding hands with you.” Slow down bear Sam is only easy for Colby.

• That bear counting with Sam was pretty freaky.

• “Someone touched my ass” -Colby

It was me. Sorry Colby.

• Sam’s attachment is totally following and making things go off.

• I’m a bit iffy on the flashlight method after Ghost hunters started it back in the day, they were exposed as frauds and now I just have a hard time fully trusting the method.

• The fact Sam’s attachment says “You’re the kind I want” back up my opinion of Sam’s abilities. Which also makes things worse because if this is a trickster, it’s not a kid and it doesn’t want to leave Sam. His attachment is strong enough to over power the spirits in that house, to be able to talk with them about Sam.

• Its very dangerous that Sam and Colby keep referring to this thing as a little girl. It clearly wants to stay with Sam not stay in the house. Constantly referring to it as a child will feed its trickster personality.

• I was right the attachment is following to each place and speaking to them. 👀

• 23:20, my wife and I checked the Sallie a house video thinking this might be a time stamp. In the video Sam says “Pentagram” while pointing down to Sallies name on the floor. Was all we could find, that or the Bible verse about being hung like donkeys 🤷🏻‍♀️

• OMG THEY CAME TO MY STATE’S MOST HAUNTED PLACE! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 And It’s weird hearing out accent displayed in a trailer of theirs lmao

[bi-bard]

Protector or Stalker - Arthur Ketch Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Protector or Stalker

Pairing: Arthur Ketch X Reader

Requested: by @zizzlekwum

Word Count: 717 words

Warning(s): violence

Summary: (Season 14) The Winchesters and (Y/n) meet a very familiar face while on a hunt. However, this familiar face seems to only care about one person in the trio.

Author's Note: Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-------------------------------------

If there's one thing you never do, it's describe a hunt as being straightforward or easy.

It's the best to ensure that someone is going to get hurt.

Now, I didn't say it... but Dean did.

"It's a straightforward vamp case," he said. "Find the nest and chop off the heads."

So, that was the plan.

We found out that the vamp nest was in an old barn outside of the small town. The group was pretty small... or so we thought.

Once we got in, we learned that we were very wrong.

The group managed to get the drop on us very quickly. The boys seemed to handle themselves. I had beheaded quite a few before one of them got a hold of me.

I was slammed face down on the ground. I barely heard Dean call my name as the vamp kicked my machete away as far away from me as possible. The vamp grabbed my hair, pulling my head back so my neck was on display.

"I always thought hunters had a sweeter taste than anyone else," the vamp hissed into my ear.

There was a knee on my back, holding me down. My kicking legs were useless and my arms couldn't lay any powerful blows.

I closed my eyes, preparing for the final blow.

It never came.

The body became heavy as it dropped on me. My head fell forward as his grip loosened on my hair.

"I've got you," I heard from behind me.

The body was dragged off of me and I rolled onto my back, trying to catch my breath. The fighting had stopped since I had been grabbed. I looked up at the person who had saved me.

"Ketch," I asked, still panting.

"Hello," he greeted. He reached down and helped me stand up before he tugged me into a hug. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I said as I hesitantly hugged him back.

"How'd you get here," Dean asked, walking over to us.

I stepped back. Sam put a hand on my shoulder, silently checking on me. I nodded.

"I've been... keeping tabs on you guys since our time in the apocalypse world," Ketch explained.

"Why," Dean raised an eyebrow.

Ketch fell silent for a moment, not having a good response.

"It's (Y/n), isn't it," Sam asked with a smirk.

Ketch looked over, his mouth opening and closing but no words coming out. Then, he looked at me and still didn't have a response.

"Oh my god," I mumbled, smirking just a little.

I would be lying if I said Ketch was an ugly man. After everything had gone down with the British Men of Letters, I had shrugged off any feelings that I had. Now, after all that we had gone through in the other world, feelings had started coming back.

"Is it so bad to be protective," Ketch asked.

"Dude, you're not being protective, you're stalking," Dean replied.

"I mean... I don't mind having a guard dog," I shrugged.

Dean scrunched his face up at me and Sam looked down, trying to hide his chuckling.

"Thanks for the help, Ketch," I leaned up, kissing his cheek softly. I smiled at the blush on his face. I didn't let him speak before I left the barn, the Winchesters in tow.

"Wait, (Y/n)," we all turned around when Ketch jogged out. I raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to go to dinner... with me? Or maybe out for a drink?"

I could feel Dean rolling his eyes.

"Sure," I nodded. "There's a bar in town. We can meet there in say... an hour? And then Sam and Dean can handle this mess?"

"Umm, yeah, that sounds... that sounds great."

I turned around and headed toward the impala. Sam and Dean sat in the front while I sat in the back.

"A drink, really," Dean asked. I shrugged. "The guy was basically stalking you!"

"Rather him than a monster," I replied. Dean rolled his eyes again before starting the car.

"Ew," Dean grimaced as we drove out.

"Be safe," Sam said, throwing a smile back at me. I nodded.

Drinks with Ketch couldn't be that bad. It could actually be kind of fun. I bit my lip as I looked down, picturing how nice my night was going to be.

-------------------------------------

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[verobatto]

Unrequited Destiel...

The Legend of The Sun and The Moon

I just wanted to explain in a few words to those that are asking why Dean didn't reply to Cas or why is Jensen talking about angelical way to feel things.

I know they're a lot of post saying WE TOLD YOU THIS AND THAT, and is true. Because if you read my Destiel Chronicles from the beginning, you will see I ALWAYS CALLED THE UNREQUITED LOVE FROM CAS AND DEAN'S POV.

Some of you disbelieves this idea, but is the only way to intepretate why Destiel is the slowest slow burn ever.

No more intro, let's suffer together...

Season 4 and 5 JUST A FLIRTING GAME

Once Dean was pulled out from Hell, Castiel wanted to talk with him. He didn't wait a second. Things blew and it was messy, and even Bobby was scared that that thing would hurt his idjit. But it was just Cas, trying to speak with Dean, desperately trying to reach him in his true form. Why? Because he wanted to talk with him. He had to explain Dean's mission but also, he felt fascinated. And even more after their first meeting face to face when he was finally able to find a vessel.

And Dean just it took him just a little of his time to feel the same fascination. The almighty angel, that could see right through his soul.

But also the angel that said things like...

And we have the handprint too, such an intimate sign between these two.

Castiel showing him, honestly showing him with words and actions, his special interest on him:

"My superiors begun to question my sympathies. I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You."

How would Dean take this here? The poor guy just decided to check out the angel, and speechless as he was at that moment, couldn't reply to it. "Is he flirting with me? Does he know how gay this sounds?"

Then Cas rebel against Heaven for Dean. Dean pushed him, the whole he pushed Cas to help him. If you rewatch season 4 Dean is constantly asking Cas to help him. Because he already know Cas was different. Because he felt Cas was his friend, his ally, and something else it was growing up in his chest.

While Cas pushed him against the wall, cut his forearm and drew the sigil, Dean's face is full of awe. He can't believe this soldier powerful angel is doing this for him.

And then... "We're making it up as we go."

Gif credit @cyxnrose

The beginning of season 5 is a very busy Cas searching for God, but also, the flirtation begins. Dean is like a cute boy flirting with his crush. The second meaning jokes, trying to figure out if Cas catch it is hilarious. But he will understand 'Cas doesn't understand that reference.'

From Dean's POV in these two season, we coul under he thinks angels are junk less.

Season 6: The profound Bond and the Longing

The romantic feeling from both sides began to flow even more when Castiel goes into the black side, and the first Destiel break up appears infron of our eyes in the middle of a very romantic scenes.

Gif credit @starlightcastiel

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

The last gif is out of discussion, bot men looking at each other with sad eyes, longing and as if their conversation isn't over. Dean being disappointed at Cas and Cas trying to make him see his point. Everything he does, he does it for Dean.

And now we know why it is.

Season 7: Mourning Dean and the Jealousy

Even with Showrunner Sera Gamble trying to focus Dean's morning into a Wincest subtext, we had put king Ben Edlund came to the rescue in episode 7x09.

Putting things in order, we were faced with Dean's source of depression: Castiel's death.

So, after that, when Cas really comes back, the reunion is another romantic movie. The MEMORY LOST trope.

And then... Castiel's pseudo wife...

The trope is getting better with the spicy Jealousy in Dean's eyes.

Gif credit @impalaofgrace

So he can't completely enjoy Cas is back because:

1) He doesn't remember him: so, how can be mad or anything else if Cas doesn't remember any details of their break up?

2)The guy has a wife! Okay, so, he has a wife, he easily got a wife from... Nowhere?

And then Meg comes and he is Jealous all over again!

Dean is a really mess of feelings, but in the end, when Cas recalls everything, and when I say everything, i mean Dean, because the majority of his memories was him, Dean just pulls out from his car Castiel's bloody trenchcoat and gives it him back!

So, if there was any doubts about why was Dean mourning and depressed for, we have the confirmation!

Then, let's turn the page, because now is Cas the mess... Depressed and suffering, because he almost destroy heaven, but, do you know what cares the most to Cas and when he cheers up? Yes...

When Dean says... "I RATHER JAVE YOU, CURSED OR NOT" Castiel immediately changed his face, he smiles, and kept staring at Dean with heart eyes. He was happy because Dean was forgiving him. Because since he recovered his memories, the biggest cause of it was Dean's rejection. Dean not being able to forgive him. That was the main cause of his sadness. That's why he avoided reality, he didn't have a cause, because his cause was Dean and Dean was mad at him. But now? Cas is happy again. That's why he decides to come back to battle. "I'll go with you."

Season 8 Purgatory of love and Pining!Dean

Okay, is in this season, Carver era, when Dean's POV has a turning point about Castiel and his true feelings for him and is in this season, when Dean starts pining strongly for the angel, and feeling his love is unrequited.

The cause of it, is Purgatory. The Purity about Purgatory resided in the capacity of that place to resides in abolish every human necessity to let the mind to focused in what really matters. In this case for Dean was SURVIVE AND CAS.

So we can say that what remained pure in Dean's heart was TO FIND CASTIEL.

That's why he prayed to him every night, and that's why in the moment Cas CONFESS he ran away to protect him, something in Dean changes forever.

Gif credit @agusvedder

If you pay attention to Dean's face reaction here, is the expression of the man that realizes in that precisely moment his feelings for Castiel. Even Cas stares to a side, because there was Benny watching them, and the thing he was about to say it was too intimate. I did it to protect you.

Dean, the Big Protector, is being protected by Castiel. So, in Purgatory, Dean Winchester find out his not platonic love for his best friend.

Then we had the entire season with pining!Dean and deception.

Dean's mind invented one excuse for Castiel running away from him because thinking his best friend abbandoned him, was just too painful. He does this again when Cas pushed him inside the gate and he stays in Purgatory. Dean just rewrote in his mind the whole sequence. Imagining that Cas was defeated. But the reality was, Castiel wanted to stay. And when Cas reveals this truth to the hunter, Dean's face is a mix of deep sadness and deception. He felt really rejected by his friend. He felt his unrequited romantic love for him. But he will feel it more stronger in the crypt scene, with the brainwashing and how Castiel's love for Dean broke th connection. But he left. That was a real rejection the hunter barely could handled.

Season 9: Pinning!Castiel and Human!Cas

When Cas became Human, he has to face all the intensity of human's feelings. In this season, is time for our angel to realize his romantic love for the hunter.

Castiel will mirroring Dean's pining in season 8, and he will also feel rejected by him.

Just like Dean in season 8, Castiel will feel his romantic love is unrequited, after Dean kicked him out from the bunker, being this the parallel to the crypt scene.

But then Cain's mark comes, and everything gets worst.

Season 10: Castiel is Dean's Colette

The whole Cain's mark was the visual sign of the Destiel handprint (profound bond) attempt of break.

With Cain and Dean going through a perfect parallelism in which Crowley was placed in the friend's spot, Sam in the brother's spot and Castiel in Colette's spot. Blatant and canon exposure of what Cas means for Dean.

But now, is time for Dean, after came back for being a demon, to feel unrequited again. And this is a detail that could be not seen, but it caught my attention.

CASTIEL: At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car.

This is what Castiel says when he goes into Dean's room and after Dean praises him...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

Dean had been with Crowley when he was a demon this whole time, so Cas was heartbroken. Even this season opens with a very depressed Castiel in the bed just let himself die because Dean was gone. So, that's why Cas says this.

So you went with Crowley, i have a female in my car. See? I don't need you.

He was Jealous, and now Dean gets Jealous, but he also gets the sensation again of his love for Castiel is unrequited.

The episode that followed this one, Dean goes into a blind date with random chick he took from a date app (very ooc, but he did it because he had his heart broken and because he thought CAS had cheated on him while he was gone as a demon.)

Season 11: Dean resist a forced bond with Amara because he's bonded with Castiel

Season 11 is a blatant exposure of Dean's feelings for Castiel. There a lot of hints throughout the season telling us Dean is in love, just like in season 9 there was hints of this with Castiel. (Again, mirroring each other).

Dean resisted Amara because of his love for Castiel. But Cas is oblivious about this.

When Castiel is possesed by Lucifer, Dean switch's into desperate mode. If he was worried about his attraction for Amara, now the only thing he cares was Castiel, exposing again WHO DEAN IS IN LOVE WITH.

But when Dean wanted to rescue Castiel, and Cas didn't want to come back to him, it hurt him worst. Again, just like in season 8, Dean can't handle Cas doesn't want to come back with him (first from Purgatory and now from being possesed). Again Dean feels rejected and unrequited. That's why when Cas is back and the end of the world is close... Dean says these words...

"You're our brother, Cas. I want you to know that."

And Cas' face...

Gif credit @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs

That's a man with the heart broken, mostly because we know now he was in love with Dean CANON FACT! (sobbing louder).

Season 12 and the confusing I LOVE YOU

This season was full of married couple situations, but mostly, we had Castiel's I Love You in the barn, before "dying".

At first Dean thinks the angel was saying this as goodbye, expressing into words his feelings for the Winchesters. Because as and angel, maybe Cas was feeling he has to protect them all. But then he says this singular I Love You to Dean, and the guy doesn't know how to take it. It was a platonic ILY? A non platonic ILY? Does angels feel the same like us? Does he sees me as a brother? Dean was truly a mess, so he decides to respond to that with a Mixtape.

But, when Castiel disappears for days, he sinks again into that sensation of unrequited romantic love.

Then Cas comes back, and then he goes away again, and then he dies.

Season 13: The reunion and the meaning of Castiel coming back

Dean's mourning for Cas can't be interpreted otherwise than LOSING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE.

And the longing for his angel plus some Nougat powers, brought him back.

The thing is, Dean didn't expr as his feeling for Castiel and when the angel asked him that he needed to believed that he came back for a reason, Dean goes...

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

This sound like if he was recruiting Cas for war. And Cas' took it as that. So he came back to soldier angel mode. Because, okay, if Dean and Sam needed him to fight, he will fight.

Unrequited Love again.

Season 14 Healing Dean and the prelude of the break up

Post-possesed Dean is a follow up of self knowledge and self growing. He was healing the whole season.

But in episode 14x04 we heard Dean being Jealous or hurt because Castiel didn't go to rescue him and then because he goes into hunts with Jack. Unrequited love again.

Did Cas miss me as I missed him?

Is the first time Dean will actually name the word LOVE talking with the kid.

And then Mary dies and everything is a mess.

Dean yells YOU ARE DEAD TO ME, and how sad that sounds now that the angel had died again. Saving his life.

Dark clouda over our ship...

Season 15: And Maybe is not too late...

In season 15 we lived the angst of the Destiel break up, but then their reunion in Purgatory was beautiful.

Again, facing the fact that he could lost Cas one more time, Dean went down on his knees and prayed to him, and because he was in Purgatory, his heart and mind were released from any distraction, and he was plenty focused in the love he feels for his angel.

He cried, and begged for him to come back.

And he found him, following his heart, the profound bond he has with Castiel.

But, when he was about to say something that he hadn't said in the prayer, Castiel cut him off. So... Again the hunter had to swallow his words and the unrequited love punch him again.

Then... Castiel's romantic love confession took Dean by surprise, because, now that you read all the clues i gave you and i convinced you that Dean and Cas thought their love were unrequited, you will understand Dean's reaction.

Gif credit @spnsmile

Dean didn't can't believe Cas had loved him the way he does this whole time and now, he will lose him again. Is too much pain he can't handle.

For a lot of reasons we had analyzed so many times (Dean's arc has to have a closure expressing his ILY to the angel, the Empty plot is not ended, Etc) Is logical to think Cas will come back in the last episode, and this slow burn story will end with them being together, finally.

To Conclude:

The legend of the Sun and the Moon talks about two lovers that can't be reunited but they love each other deeply.

Is accurate with Destiel, because these two men had always being pining for each other but never be able to be together as they wish.

Castiel always thinking Dean doesn't reciprocate his romantic feeling for him and Dean thinking because Cas is an angel, he doesn't love him back romantically.

The Sacred Oath always playing in Castiel's POV as an impediment too and Dean's love clocked in shame too.

The deal with the Empty had been settled as we suspected in season 14, as a romantic plot. So, it has to have a closure.

These thoughts are based on the volumes from my assay "The Destiel Chronicles", currently in it's 87th volume.

See you soon! Have faith!

Destiel Is Forever!

Tagging @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @maleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-cas @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires November 17th 2020 8:33 PM

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (January 18/2021) - Founding of the Syndicate

Technoblade decides to start a new organization of anarchists in the Arctic and makes plans to find new recruits. He’s not the only one seeking recruits, though, as both Snowchester and the Eggpire attempt to gain Foolish’s favor, with varying degrees of success.

Puffy’s Hero Arc continues as the server also welcomes its second new member: HannahxxRose! 

---

- Techno wants to speak with Phil alone, without Ranboo. He wants more people to join him in the fight for anarchy, and wishes to create a collective of like-minded individuals to help him. He feels that there are other people who hold his beliefs, but they aren’t aware of possible alternatives to the governments that exist. 

He wants to form an association of anarchists to unite all the anarchists on the server.

He says he doesn’t think L’manburg was the only government. He’s heard rumors of other factions...

Techno doesn’t feel like they can trust Ranboo yet. They aren’t sure if he shares their beliefs, and he just hasn’t been there long enough to gain that sort of trust.

- Ranboo is nervous about being kicked out if he tells the truth, but decides to tell Techno and Phil about his memory issues, of him blowing up the Community House, and the fact that he’d had one of the discs

Techno says he doesn’t care about the Community House or the discs. He just thinks Ranboo’s a little weird, but they wouldn’t kick Ranboo out over it. 

- Techno leaves and shows Phil the stronghold and End Portal. They call it a summoning circle and decide to make it into a cool table for their headquarters.

- DreamXD comes on for the first time since the Dreamon Hunters streams and destroys the End Portal, but is convinced to place it back after Techno and Phil reassure him that they have no plans to ignite it. 

He calls himself “the protector” and says that he’s a separate entity from Dream.

- Techno and Phil continue to develop their plans, aiming to form a syndicate. The Syndicate is to remain secret. Techno wants to do some recruiting for more members. 

He doesn’t see Ranboo as a reliable-enough possible recruit. 

- Foolish logs on and wants a lot of gold.

- The Dream SMP has another new member! HannahxxRose on Twitch!

- She gets a welcome from Purpled and Karl. Antfrost and HBomb say hi as well.

- Purpled tours her around.

- Meanwhile, Tubbo wants to work on the nuclear weapons.

- Purpled explains that Hannah can build her house wherever, but Purpled’s the guy she’s got to go to to pay for the land plot. He also shows her his real estate office.

- Foolish wants 292 blocks of gold. Tubbo tells him to come to Snowchester. 

- Tubbo says that he’s welcome to come hang out in Snowchester any time if he wants to be a part of something.

- Hannah plants “Hannah’s Rose” on the boardwalk.

- She then goes off and explores on her own.

- Foolish decides to join Snowchester!

- Puffy gives Hannah a Netherite axe and shovel as a gift. In return, Hannah gives her one of her roses.

- Puffy tells her how to cleanse in Prime water after touching the Blood Vines.

- Then, Puffy and Hannah go into Ponk’s Maze out of curiosity and get trapped in it. Hannah wanders through and wonders whether she should pull the lever to sacrifice the animals. She decides not to and escapes up the staircase.

Puffy has some extra difficulty getting out.

Puffy: “It looked like I was in Heaven. There was no god there.”

- Puffy explains the routes through the Nether and shows her the path to the Guardian Farm and Tubbo’s Jungle Base, then later Sam’s base.

- Finally, Puffy shows her the L’manburg Crater before taking her to see the Egg.

- Later, Puffy checks on the L’manburg Flag and the vines that have spread at the bedrock. She wants to create a hidden refuge somewhere.

She creates a bunker underneath Eret’s Castle.

- Puffy ponders to herself about her loyalties again. Everyone around her seems to have gone off the rails. She no longer has a duckling. The Eggpire’s plans are concerning.

Perhaps it’s time she talks to Techno?

- Puffy also reflects on how Hannah’s only just joined and is thus innocent. But who knows how long that will last? 

She takes the rose Hannah gave her and goes to the bunker to write in the Captain’s Log.

“I’m forgetting what it means to be a knight, but maybe it’s more important to learn to be a hero first.”

- Puffy heads back to the Crater. For all that Tommy’s been through, he’s come back from all of it. 

“We have an empty table with what feels like...empty knights. And honestly, even though I wasn’t part of L’manburg...I feel something more when I come here than when I go to the Castle."

“I’m not just a knight to Eret or the kingdom. I’m gonna try to be a knight to everybody.”

- She feels like Eret hasn’t done much as king to actually protect anybody.

- Bad logs on to check the Egg. He says his disguise needs to be updated or else it might fade. He also needs to be careful with people like Technoblade around...he has a plan to put up propaganda everywhere.

- He observes that the Vines in the Crater aren’t spreading as fast as he thought they would be, and theorizes that without the Egg’s direct presence there, their growth has been slower. He wonders if there’s a way to remedy that.

- Bad speaks with Foolish with the intentions of converting him to the Eggpire.

- Foolish tells Bad he’s already joined up with Tubbo in Snowchester. Bad asks which faction it is, and Foolish skirts around an answer. Bad is confident that the Egg might be able to convince him otherwise and leads Foolish to the Egg Room. 

- Foolish asks what the Egg hatches? Bad says he doesn’t know, but it probably doesn’t matter. Isn’t it nice and red? Foolish says he’s “more of a green guy.”

- Foolish says he wants to sleep on it. Bad suggests he literally sleeps on the Egg. 

- They run into Antfrost on the boardwalk as Bad leads Foolish to the green flower in the Casino. Bad says he doesn’t actually like the green flower, now that he thinks about it...something about it feels off to him. Foolish says he likes this one better.

- Bad tries to convince Foolish by pointing out that Puffy is in the Eggpire, but Foolish says that he wants to have his own space away from his father and not be in the same faction.

- Bad shows Ant the possible Eggpire flag design. Foolish points out that his eyes are bright green, which is why he’s more favorable to the color. It’s a fashion thing! Gotta stick to the color scheme.

- Foolish lets slip that he thinks the Egg is stupid. There’s an awkward recover and he then leaves the Eggpire members to continue with their propaganda.

- After working with Antfrost on the propaganda, Bad decides that he’s comfortable enough that he can reveal his true form to Antfrost. He takes off his disguise. Antfrost observes that the Egg has transformed him, but doesn’t seem disturbed by it.

- The Eggpire is merely a stepping stone for Bad. This isn’t about the Eggpire. It isn’t about Bad or Antfrost or any person in particular.

It’s only about the Egg.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Tommy and Tubbo confront Dream (Wednesday)

- Futuristic Tales From the SMP Episode (Saturday)

- Nuclear Weapons Test (January 26th)

[curioussubjects]

“Probably think you’re overcompensating:” Perception, Masculinity & Queer!Dean

So I’ve been wanting to write about my particular take on Dean, queerness, and masculinity because all the time I see takes, and I get into discussions, and I keep having to repeat myself. Not exactly an issue except peddling takes via hyperlink is much easier. This post is a bit of a journey, as anything I write tends to be, but the central thread here is fairly straightforward: emotional vulnerability. Most of my understanding of Dean circles around issues of emotional vulnerability and perception, which is not wholly unconnected to my reading of Cas and happiness -- that is, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, and accepting your worth is crucial to accurate perceptions of reality. 

In the beginning, we had John Winchester: after Mary died, John “was just a shell.” He became entirely closed off and focused on one thing, and one thing only: finding YED and killing monsters. John actively suppressed his grief over Mary by immersing himself in hunting, a new found mission meant to avenge and protect. The change in John is so marked that in our encounters with younger John lead to his own disgust at the parenting Dean describes, without knowing it’s himself he is censoring. Furthermore, in the Winchester motto being “saving people, hunting things, the family business,” we can see into what drove John in his mission: his guilt in not being able to save Mary, hunting as an outlet for that guilt, the imposition of that mission onto his sons. When Mary died, John’s entire philosophy and modeling of how to be Father and Husband (and Man, really) rested on his ability to be a sword and shield. A protector, unflappable, steady, focused. Someone who should always put the mission first, with little to no distractions. 

Dean, as eldest son and the natural second in command, inherited John’s mission and philosophy. While John was away, Dean was in charge of protecting the family (Sam), and was expected to that steady, unflappable protector. Someone who was in control of their vulnerability and never open to weakness. If John’s mission was to avenge Mary, Dean’s mission was to look out for Sam. Anything that caused Dean to deviate from that was a failure. It meant that Dean failed as A Father (and Husband mirror, not that he was a spouse proxy, but that John projected his own image onto Dean). Crucially, when we see Dean “fail” in the mission of looking out for Sam, they're due to Dean doing something for himself, or even doing something for Sam -- hence how he ended up at Sonny's for shoplifting. because apparently theft is wrong if it's not credit cards scams, thanks John. And in looking out for Sam, we find the first fault line in Dean being able to uphold John’s maxim of being invulnerable because to protecting Sam also meant, to Dean, to shield him from John’s abuse and expectations, it meant that Sam was nurtured, as best Dean could manage. Beyond protecting Sam, however, Dean would also inherit John’s mission should he die in the line of duty. And so Dean did. He was tasked to kill  the YED and even Sam if Sam became a threat. Anything that would make Dean deviate from that single minded mission was to be purged. Or shoved so far down that the mission would not be affected. 

In short, the baseline of duty Dean was operating on was: look out for Sam, look out for the Family, obey orders from the Father, carry out the Mission, avenge mom, kill monsters (noble and good, sure, but still immersed in the revenge mission). Whatever tool you use to carry on another day is acceptable, so long as it is ephemeral and utilitarian. If you need to drink, fuck, etc, in order to keep going so be it, but whatever you do must never impact the mission. College, relationships, picket fences, and dogs, are distractions. They are things that would necessarily take you from The Life. They can only ever be the rewards for completing the Mission. Paradise, if you will.  

Emotional vulnerability, then, that which allows the world to thing touch you that deeply is a distraction. You have to be a shell. You fight, but you also fight because the hunter life is not for others. All in the hopes that one day the mission will be done, and there’s an end of the tunnel with peace and a normal life, which is a lie. Not a lie because hunting is antithetical to happiness, but a lie because the mode of operation created and imposed by John makes it impossible for one to ever reach happiness. Happiness needs a way in. 

But what’s all this have to do with Dean being queer? Well, this has everything to do with how Dean experiences his queerness. A lot of the time I see people thinking of Dean as someone who suppresses, or, even worse, represses his sexuality when neither of those things are true (someone suppresses or represses their queerness doesn’t go around loving queer film, gushing over crushes, and making queer cultural references). Personally, I don’t think Dean represses as his go to coping mechanism (though he does repress, sometimes, like how John wasn’t a good father, actually). Dean is much more likely to suppress his feelings and his trauma: those are his to handle, and his to stow so he can Get the Job Done. But if Dean ever suppressed his bisexuality, which at some point he might have, I’d argue had much more to do unnecessary risks, than something like self-hatred.

Nevertheless, the issue when it comes to queerness, then, wouldn’t be Dean fucking men or being attracted to multiple genders. It wouldn’t wholly be an issue with masculinity either because the Masculine Values™ the Winchesters operate under a very specific to their situation, as I described above. It’s less about manly posturing, and more about being the perfect soldier (and, eventually, commanding officer). However, queerness brings with it queer & homophobia. As such, one’s sexuality could be leveraged as a weakness. It's something that can be exploited, if one allows it to hurt them. It’s also something that could draw attention to oneself, which is a bit dangerous for a hunter. So, for me, if John ever knew about Dean being bi (and with his neglect, he very well might not), his main problem would be with it being unnecessarily dangerous. Taking these issues into account, it makes sense to me that Dean would be uneasy with being perceived as queer because of it being a tactical disadvantage rather than him having an actual problem with being queer. So when we see posturing and overcompensation, when we see Dean lean particularly hard on the more overtly macho sides of his personality, it’s a mask. Incidentally, if Dean ever found himself in queer spaces he wouldn’t be so uneasy to the point of having to lean into the overcompensating mask -- which, of course, is influenced by cultural heteronormativity and all that mess. 

Ultimately, Dean wants to control how he is perceived because it gives him the upper hand. He had to learn to be a chameleon to survive, and he had to develop a thick skin because to show weakness is to fail the mission, and weakness means that you die, or, worse, the one you are meant to protect dies. It’s no wonder that Dean’s character development had little to do with him accepting his queerness (which canon, refreshingly, presents as just a fact of who he is, no fuss), but learning to be emotionally vulnerable. To let love and happiness in. To be who he is completely, without fear, without guilt, without shame, and without self-doubt. That letting himself be happy isn’t a sign of weakness or leading to failure, that it isn’t a gateway for hurt. And none of that, none of it, is about some internalized hatred of his own queerness. Finally, Dean’s freedom and lesson is that the true steadfastness is self-actualization, and really, to quote Cas:

I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are.

[spn-fanfic-reblog-writes]

So, the wonderful @marisferasiop gave, what I think, is very spot on for the Moon Knight system especially with their college education in psychology.

I love character studies. >.> I really like to understand why people are the way they are and what that means for their strength’s and weaknesses.

I just wanted to see what @marisferasiop view is on Dean, for rn.

I bring this up with their permission for discussion as they have watched Supernatural.

Dean

Dean and Sam being brothers and referenced having a very “weird” or “messed up” relationship.

When it really isn’t, it is that Dean had his father in grain into him he was Sam’s protector and caretaker. This is in addition to being “Daddy’s little soldier.” Dean as a child remembers what it means to have a home and what that feels like which is why when they discover the Men of Letter’s bunker, Dean is like I am home. He was exposed to this terrible toxic masculinity as a child thanks to his Dad, a former Marine (navy) and Vietnam veteran. His father trained him from four years old to be a soldier, truly a killer which he excels at. He also is commonly quoted for “no chick-flic moments” (or calls it gay which eventually became socially unacceptable so the show stopped) which the brothers are both terrible at when it comes to dealing with and expressing emotions in a healthy manner and hugging. Seriously, hugs. Does this mean that unless they were little kids, their Dad barely hugged them? They only seem to do hugs when it’s been a while, when it’s omg you’re injured, or something similar. He doesn’t do relationships unless wholly platonic except for Lisa Bradley which I never fully understood that.

I need to rewatch and get a better understanding of the background because it seems like it was the only time the brothers are ever happy are when they’re with a partner or each other. It’s not surprising that being alone is something neither can handle. With the way things were in grained in them, they still end up sleeping reaching out for each other, their arms hanging off the bed, since they were their only comfort growing up. It’s a lot to ask anyone, let alone a child.

He, in reality, is a complete geek; I love this about him. All of his pop culture references, including Disney, and even some of the amazing books he quotes or references, such as Kurt Vonnegut and Tolstoy. He knows Aesop and actually knows his Christian Bible. The man is extremely intellectual and intelligent, such as the first episode where the voicemail their Dad left had EMF on the background which Dean had to lean what is and how to use Goldwave in order to better identify and understand the voice leading them to the “Woman in White” case.

Dean’s mental health is wholly other issue, omfg. I was originally going to do an entire post on his mental health but thought I would discuss here instead. I think Dean has PTSD, Adhd, depression and general anxiety disorder. I’m sure could be more or something different but I am most knowledgeable with these. He self-medicates— alcohol — which is probably partially taught from his father, John. With the amount of loss/grief he has experienced, I feel he has compartmentalized his experiences as a hunter, a trauma response, to allow him to function. This would mean his brain separates the actual experience (fighting/killing) from the emotions he experiences during this which could include sadness. I do think Dean was raised, essentially poor which is why he eats so much and eats what he loves instead of what is good for him, like Sam. Dean had to sacrifice for Sam and this is how he dealt with it. As an adult, he is a glutton for what makes him feel good from food to sex to watching Scooby Doo, a leftover from his childhood as well.

He was forced to grow up to take care of his little brother who was allowed a sort of childhood, and I feel like due to network rules that what really happened when their father was away was actually worse than what could be told like the stealing and thieving. I feel like Dean is an ex-smoker. I feel like Dean should have tattoos as a form of rebellion against his Dad’s expectations of him or as a way to individualize/separate himself from his father. I also wonder if he would have taken abuse from others in order to provide for his little brother.

I mean he was physically abused by John when Sam ran away as a kid and even as an adult in his mid-20s (at the time), he was upset about it but it was never discussed further. He doesn’t deal with his mental health unless it is forced upon him.

When he was with Lisa Bradley, he still drank heavily because of all his trauma and mental health issues that he attempted to ignore. He still was paranoid that something would happen to his family. He still kept weaponry and taught his adopted son how to use it as precaution. He was always the last to go to bed because being a protector has been so in grained into his identity, it is second nature.

Sam is next

[hollywoodbabylondean]

@spnwomenweek DAY 5 - NEW SCHOOL

The sign that heralded "Singer Auto and Body" has been knocked down for a while. So have the remains of the old house that burned down something like ten or so years ago. Jody said the owner had no next of kin, he was an old friend of hers named Bobby. Claire thought it's funny, when she first moved here a lifetime ago, barely an adult, she was called "Bobby 2.0". Maybe it was the same guy. She wondered what he must've been like, living among all these cars and... A massive cache of weapons in a cellar that hadn't been destroyed. With a devil's trap and walls of iron coated in salt. A hunter.

Gran didn't have much of an estate, and with Amelia being missing for ten or so years without financial activity, Dad being missing, because Cas finally made his own fake ID instead of using Jimmy's, and whatever odd jobs Claire and Kaia worked between hunts (and a small loan from Jody)... She'd managed to scrounge up enough to get a house built.

It was Kaia's idea, really. For obvious reasons, she never had the stomach for hunting. She had to do enough to survive while she was gone. She deserved her own place. The Mills' place. Novaks? Winchesters? Hanscums? They were still workshopping their last name. Yes, they've been married for almost five years. Whatever. If you're a hunter, what's on paper is a lie. That's something she'd come to know for a long time. Reality is what's in the dark, what's on the centuries old rare books or weird chat rooms with no credibility, and most importantly, what's in your heart.

Claire Novak is 28 and she has a wife and a house. An accomplishment, for a gen z kid. They have a table full of phones, neatly labeled, FBI, CIA, USFWS, BLM, Texas Rangers, and, when she's feeling fancy and has to work up north, RCMP.

Kaia's the one who answers them. Not just for her, but in the manner of both sets of Claire's adoptive parents, they ran into some hunters along the way, too. A lot are older than her, but Claire's been hunting since she was 18 and running from demons since she was 12. There's a grudging respect for seniority among hunters. Especially when you're the ones with a laminator in the office where the blade of one of the most elite of Heaven's warriors hangs over their head. Along with a smug reminder that she was 18 when she earned it.

There's a kid a couple years younger than her. Ben Braeden. Total rookie, but good heart. Stupidest aliases ever, though. And, of course, she hears from the old crew every so often.

Claire and Kaia are still close with Jody and Donna. Of course they are. Claire even attempts to make dinner for them once in a while. Kaia is definitely the cook in the relationship after she confused the cayenne pepper for the paprika, though. And, well, they're old enough that the mantle of "protector of Sioux Falls" has definitely been passed to the Mills-Hanscum-Winchester-Novaks. Cas and Dean have also decided that since Jack is ten now (God, Claire's getting old), he's allowed to just run around the house when they need a weekend off and Sam and Eileen are off traveling to Europe to find more lore or whatever." Kaia once again asks if they can go to Europe. Claire once again asks if she's okay spending weeks at sea with her because there's no way in hell she's flying. And there's that look between Dean and Cas. Ugh, she really is turning into her parents. Jesse and Cesar are retired. In Mexico. Plus, she only really knows them via the even smaller network in the hunter network of young gay hunters. So, it's really a shock when they show up at their door with presents.

"Uh, I think you're a few months early for Christmas," Kaia laughs as she brings them inside.

"It's five years, isn't it?" Jesse asks his husband.

"Yeah, Claire. Your blog post says it's five years."

Claire raises an eyebrow. "Okay, now you have me curious. I haven't touched that thing in months."

Kaia swears under her breath and laughs. "Ugh, trust the guy with the obsession with cicada monsters to remember dates." Kaia leans up a little and pecks Claire's lips. "Since I got out."

"Oh." Claire and Kaia both try to forget about it, about losing two years of their relationship to Kaia's other self and her spear.

"Plus, we have about eight years of presents from nice old ladies in town to regift."

"Ugh, I hate you," Claire says lightly. "My baby brother is God, you know. He can and will turn you into chickens."

[blackmissfrizzle]

Part of Your World

Characters: Dean Winchester x black!reader

Summary: Its basically a Little Mermaid AU (still in the SPN realm) with a dash of African mythology.

Warnings: A couple of puns, because I couldn’t help myself lol

A/N: My love of Disney caused me to write another fic based on one of my fave princesses. Also it was inspired by this post I saw and then I had to do my own research, because I was so interested. I need more African mythology in fantasy! Anyways, as usual this is for the black girls that done feel seen in the show or the fandom! I hope you enjoy!

Humans were bad. They were selfish, careless, and evil. Or that’s what you were supposed to believe, according to your mother. But to you they were interesting and not as bad as your mother made them out to be. Just like merpeople some were as your mother described, but most were good or at least trying to be better. That’s why you had to save them.

One day when you were swimming up to the surface and saw a bunch of protectors of the land. Those things they called cars were flashing red and blue lights. There was a dead body on the shore and the person’s wounds were unnatural for another human to cause. So, naturally you investigated.

Since the time you were a teen, you would sneak on land to watch the humans up close and personal. Your Aunt Iliana was the sea witch. She gifted you with a necklace that allowed you walk on land. According to her, your destiny was on land, which is why your mother banned you from swimming too close to land and keeping you away from your aunt.

This time you were making your trek to land every night. Scuttle, your skin-walker friend allowed you to work at his bar and you hoped to catch some gossip on the murders. Tonight, was busier than usual. You were running from one end of the bar to the other and not catching a word about the killings. That was until you heard an alluring voice. It was deep, slightly gravelly, but smooth and could easily lull you to sleep.

“Dude, I’m putting money it’s a witch. That’s the only reasonable explanation.” Dean argued with his brother. They had been in town for 2 days and no leads whatsoever. All they had was a bunch of guys who suddenly had a turn of bad luck, lost all their money and died of on land drowning.

Not only were you attracted to this man’s voice, but he was looking into the murders too! You had to make yourself known. Turning around just in time you saw him finish his drink. He was the most perfect man you’ve seen. His green eyes rivaled the coral reefs vibrant color. His lips were unexpectedly plump for a man of his shade. His jaw was set hard, but you could tell he had a soft nature.

“Stop staring and talk to the man!” Scuttle encouraged you while tending to other patrons.

“Stop being a guppy, Y/N!” You told yourself before making your way to the man. Pointing at his empty glass, you asked the stranger if he wanted another drink.

Dean had to do a double take. The beautiful bartender was talking to him. He noticed her all night. When she was walking up and down the bar, she was singing to herself and he thought she had a beautiful voice. Some of the time Dean would tune Sam out just to listen to her.

“Yes, please. Can you make it a double?”

Shaking your head yes, you brought out the good liquor. Scuttle would most likely kill you, but you needed information and the best way to get it was making this beautiful stranger’s lips loose. “On the house,” you mentioned when you saw he was about to object for the pricey whiskey.

“Thank you.” He gave you a loop-sided smile and you walked away, not wanting to push too quickly. “Wait,” he called out, pulling something out of his pocket. It was a picture of him in some fancy suit saying FBI Agent Dean Plant. “I’m Agent Plant and this is Agent Page,” he pointed to the taller man next to him, “have you seen any of these gentlemen here?”

Dean stared at the red-haired beauty as she stared at the photos of the male victims. It wasn’t like him to be so mesmerized by a woman that he didn’t even notice her pointing out the latest victim.

“Yeah, he was here. I remembered because he seemed so sad, so I decided to check on him.”

Agent Plant perked up and leaned forward on the bar, “Do you know what had him so upset?”

You wanted to look at Dean, but his green eyes made your stomach flutter like a school of fish, so you paid attention to his partner. “Um, something about how he made a bad deal and lost all his money and his girlfriend.”

The two brothers turned towards each other and silently communicated that they both thought it was a demon deal. Quickly, they both stood up and paid for the drinks. “Thank you! We’ll be back tomorrow.” Dean smiled at you before following his brother out the bar.

For a while you stood there in a trance. He was coming back tomorrow! You would have to tell Scuttle to take you shopping for some more clothes.

“Don’t do it.”

“Huh?” Scuttle’s voice startled you to the present.

“He’s a hunter and human. Both things your mother hates the most. Secretly help them and go on about your life.” Scuttle warned, then attended to another bar patron.

--

Too bad you didn’t listen to Scuttle, because now you were in trouble.

The following night, Dean and Sam came back they seemed discouraged. Turned out their lead was a bust. No demon deals occurred in this town according to Crowley.

Throughout the night, you would eavesdrop on their conversation about the case and it was becoming clearer to you what exactly were killing these men. Because of a festival that happened earlier that day, the bar was slammed, and you didn’t get to tip off Dean and Sam about what they were hunting before they left.

Time to time your best friends, Sebastian and Floyd would escort you on land to ensure your safety. No one wanted to feel the wrath of your mother if something bad were ever to happen to you.

“Fellas, I need one of you to cover for me.” You leaned across the bar already batting your eyes. It was always a struggle to get these two to do something without a little coercion.

“Why?” Sebastian ran his hands through his dreads, he was already suspecting you were up to no good.

“So, I can tell the hunters what’s killing the humans.” You rushed out, then tried to leave but Sebastian stopped you.

“Uh huh. No way, missy. We all agreed that you would do it without outing yourself.” Sebastian was the harder of the two to convince. Being your mother’s court advisor made him be more overprotective of you.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N. Humans are already scary, but hunters are terrifying.” Floyd shivered at the idea of talking to one. He could already imagine his tail as a trophy on some hunter’s wall.

You ruffled your friend’s kinky blue curls. “Don’t be guppy, Floyd.” Finished messing up his hair, you ran out the bar. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. It was always that way with those two. You wanted to do something, they would say it was a bad idea, and then you would do it anyway. Those two should’ve learned by now.

You didn’t have to go far since Scuttle’s bar was on the beach and Dean and Sam were already there. It looked like they were inspecting something, when you saw hands made of water grab onto the two and drug them into the sea.

It was her; you knew it. Shedding your clothes, you dived into the water. You couldn’t bask in the water like you usually would after a day on land. Cutting through the current you found the men drowning and the mysterious water hands gone. She didn’t need to kill them instantly. The depths she brought them to would do the job for her. She just didn’t count on you to come in and save the day.

You were a lot stronger in water than on land, so it was easy to drag both men up to the surface. Hopefully, she didn’t have eyes on you. She had eyes everywhere in the water.

You took them to your hidden grotto you used to come onto land or just to think alone. Using your powers to manipulate water, you expelled the water from their lungs.

Dean was the first one coming into consciousness. It was the same voice from last night. The bartender, he thought. He sat up to thank her, but she wasn’t there. The only thing he thought he saw was a fin.

“Sammy!?” Dean rolled over to his brother. He slapped him to jolt him awake.

Sam sat up, out of sorts for a moment. “Dude, what the hell was that?” He dragged a hand over his face.

Dean shook his head. “Man, I don’t know.”

The brothers sat there confused not knowing what the hell they were gonna do.

--

You watched the brothers leave the grotto from behind a rock formation. Once they were gone, you emerged from your hiding spot.

“Helping hunters?” She clicked her tongue. “I’m disappointed in you. I thought a daughter of Cora’s would know better.” Mami Wata stood above you in all white, draped in the most expensive jewels, stoking the head of her snake. This was the first time she appeared to you and you were in awe despite the circumstances.

“You’re killing innocent men. What else am I supposed to do?” Normally, you would speak to her with respect, but this situation did not call for it. People were dying.

“They’re not innocent. I promised them riches in exchange for fidelity. They broke the agreement.”

She was right. Those men did make the deals of their own free will, but what she was doing didn’t sit right with you. “But you didn’t have to kill them. Other Mami Watas leave them broke.”

“Who are you to question me?!” Her voice echoed, causing some of the rocks to shake. “Sorry,” Mami Wata regained her composure when she saw you tremble in fear. “I like you, Princess Y/N. You’re strong-spirited, but I can’t have you in my way, but I also promised your mother I would protect her offspring.”

“Then what now?” You crossed your arms with an attitude. Mami Wata released the python that was wrapped around her into the water.

The green creature slithered up to your neck and squeezed tightly. “It’ll be hard for you to help the hunters without that beautiful voice of yours.” In a panic, you clutched your neck trying to speak, but it was already too late. Mami Wata already took your voice.

The snake went back to its satisfied owner. “A little piece advice,” Mami Wata looked at you with pity. “The one with the green eyes, don’t fall for him. The pale ones are always the worst.” She chuckled as she made her exit.

Even though, you didn’t have your voice, you had to find a way to warn the hunters.

--

Sam and Dean were going crazy. All they could come up with is that they were possibly dealing with the god, Poseidon and even that sounded far-fetched for them.

They were knee-deep in research when there was a knock on their door. Both brothers grabbed their guns and Sam looked out the peephole. “It’s the bartender from the other night.”

Dean shoved his little brother out the way. “Smooth, dude.” Sam mumbled at a flustered Dean. Opening the door, Dean greeted you. In return you waved back. “Hey, Y/N, right?”

You shook your head vigorously, excited that he remembered your name.

“What can I help you with?” He asked, looking at you expectantly. Oh shit! How were you gonna let him now you were there to help?

An idea popped in your head. You held up a finger and brought out the cellphone Scuttle bought for you. Unlocking the phone, all the words were gibberish to you when they shouldn’t be. You were fluent in all languages. Mami Wata must’ve cursed all your modes of communications. Son of a bitch!

“Woah!” Dean lifted his arms as you pushed pass him when you saw a photo of one of the victims. Grabbing it you motioned to the boys you could help. They were confused to why you weren’t speaking and even more confused on how you knew another victim.

“Dean, I think she’s connected somehow.” You eagerly waved the photo in agreeance. Sam crouched down to assure you he wasn’t a threat. “Did you lose your voice because you know who did this?” Sam clapped his hands in victory when you confirmed his suspicion.

Dean wanted to believe you were there to help, but he could never be too careful. He’s been burned too many times before. “How do we know you’re not the one doing the killings?”

Pinching your nose and pointing to the boys, you reenacted their drowning and you pulling them out. “You’re the one who saved us? How?” Dean scanned you up and down, there was no way you had the strength to pull him AND his brother. Well, no way if you were only human.

Of course, they wouldn’t believe you. To them you were a human woman. You puckered your face like you seen humans do to imitate fish, then you pointed to your closed legs and made swimming motions with your hands.

“No way.” Sam thought out loud.

“What,” Dean asked, still in the dark.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Man, you were always bad at charades.”

“I’m not!” Dean sputtered like a child.

“I think she’s a mermaid.”

“Sam, don’t you think we would’ve heard of them being real?” Dean couldn’t wrap his head around the idea.

Dean’s disbelief caused an argument between the boys. They were too busy with trying to be right that they didn’t notice you taking off your clothes. There was only one way to end this argument. Just in your bra you tapped your seashell necklace and prepared for the fall.

At the sound of something falling, Sam and Dean stopped arguing. “Oh shit!” They simultaneously said, realizing Sam was right.

It was uncomfortable to have your tail and not be near water, so you transformed back to legs in forth of them. When Sam and Dean noticed you were naked down below, they quickly turned their backs to you.

After you were dressed properly, you tapped both on their broad shoulders. Questions were flying at you. Was it another mermaid behind the killings? How many mermaids are there? Are you a good or bad mermaid? How do you have sex?

You pointed to the photos to direct the hunters’ attention (more Dean than Sam) back to the case. “Oh yeah, the case.” Dean sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “You said you knew who’s behind the murders, right?”

Nodding yes, you began thinking of how to act out Mami Wata. Jumping up and down you got the boys’ attention when you figured it out.

You mimicked the motion parents do when they rock their babies. “Cradle? Rocking?” Dean guessed.

“Baby?!” Sam called out. You smiled at his correct guess, but that wasn’t the word they needed, it was only a connection.

Pointing between you and your imaginary baby, you hoped they would get it.

“Mom?”

“Mother?”

“Mama?”

“Mommy?” Dean threw out. You squeezed his cheeks and gave him a kiss.

Dean gave Sam a superior look. “And you said I was bad at charades.” Sam ignored his brother’s smug smirk and paid attention to you searching for something. Your eyes lit up when you found it. This should be easy.

“Water?” Dean asked and it earned him another kiss from you.  He smiled victoriously at Sam. Now he wanted to play charades with you all the time.

Combining the two words, Sam asked you, “Mommy water?” Close enough. You knew they weren’t familiar with the dialect. You nodded your head yes and Sam began searching it. “Okay, I think I got it.” Sam announced after a few minutes. “Mami Wata?” He looked to you for approval. You jumped over to him and placed a big kiss on Sam’s cheek.

“Shut up,” Dean told Sam before he could say something smart. “What are we dealing with?”

“Okay, lore says Mami Wata is an African water goddess. She can take an appearance of a mermaid or human. Either way she’s extremely beautiful, like Aphrodite beautiful.”

Dean hovered above his brother. “Enough with the backstory. Why is she killing dudes?”

Sam scrolled down further until he found what he wanted. “I think I got it. Mami Wata appears to some men and promise them riches and good fortune as long as they remain faithful to her. Cheat and you’ll lose everything. Sometimes even your life.”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. How do we kill her?”

Sam leaned back and sighed at what he read. “Wooden stake dipped in the blood of one of their living victims.”

Dean started browsing the local newspaper. He remembered something sticking out. He shook the paper when he found the article about a man winning the two million dollars lottery. “Boom! I think we got our next victim.” He started grabbing his belongings. “Sammy, Y/N, let’s roll.”

--

It was always a set-up. The men Mami Wata made deals with were notorious cheaters. She knew they would break the deal and cheat. With some teamwork, preparation, and some luck the three of you were able to kill her before she got to her next victim.

“You know it would be nice to have a mermaid on Team Free Will.” Dean desperately wanted to spend more time with you.

You intertwined your fingers with Dean’s. “I wish, but I belong in the ocean. Princess duties.”

Dean nodded his head to himself. “Well, let me leave you with a parting gift.”

Dean’s lips were less than an inch away from yours when you heard your mom’s voice. “Y/N!” She was flanked by a sulking Sebastian and Floyd.

You wasted no time going to her. For her to be on land meant you were deep in trouble. You gave Dean one more glance, taking in his features for the last time.

--

Tears feel from your eyes as Sebastian and Floyd tried to comfort you. Your mother really banned you from the kingdom. Sneaking to land? Forgivable. Almost kissing a human? Forgivable. But killing her goddess? Unforgivable, apparently.

Your friends assured you the queen would change her mind. Despite your different beliefs, you were her favorite because you were so similar. But how long would it take for her to change her mind? Your mother could hold a grudge.

“Y/N?” Dean called into the grotto. Behind him was Sam and Scuttle. “What’s wrong?” He sat by you and pulled you into a hug.

Sebastian splashed some water on him.

“What the fuck, dude?!”

“Don’t you think you’ve helped enough? Both of you?” Sebastian glared at both brothers.

“What did we do?” Sam asked, a little scared of the abnormally buff merman.

Splashing some water with your tail, you admonished your friend. “Don’t mind Seb, he’s always crabby.”

“I get crabby when my princess and friend gets banished because she helped hunters.”

Sticking up a finger, you corrected him. “For your information I got in trouble for killing Mami Wata.”

Sam knelt by you, feeling horrible that him and Dean were the cause of your current predicament “Is it true?”

“That I got banned? Yeah, but it’s not your fault. I knew this could happen. I’m just bummed I have to find a new home.”

Scuttle laid a hand on your shoulder. “Y/N/N, you always have a home with me.”

Sam and Dean traded looks with each other, this was their fault and they needed to fix it. “Or…” Dean drew out. “You can live with us, hunt with us.” Dean saw the debate in your eyes. “That’s only if you want to. No pressure.” He added nervously.

When your eyes lit up, Floyd began shaking his head no. “Y/N, nuh uh! There’s vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and demons!”

“Stop being a guppy, Floyd!” Your Aunt Iliana chuckled as she swam up with her dolphin, Pica. “This is where she’s meant to be.” She gave you a knowing smirk.

Her prophecy! You remembered. Sliding back in the water you gave your aunt and friends hugs and kisses goodbye. You promised them to visit as much as you could.

With a press to your necklace, your tail turned into legs and with some magic from Aunt Iliana you had clothes on this time.

“Ready?” Dean offered his hand.

You put your hand in his. “Yeah.” It sucked to be kicked out of your world, but now you could be a part of Dean’s.

Tagging: @titty-teetee @chonisberonica @awshitdaviddonedonethisshitagain @cocooned-butterfly @babypink224221 @deanscroissant @deansbbysblog​ @nervouspetsonanime​ @nerd-lovely​

[formerlyrighteous]

some notes about my dean:

dean will be canon divergent through season 5 and 6 in that he distances himself from sam earlier than he does in canon.

      this starts in season 4 when he returns from Hell by dean going off on hunts by himself, keeping secrets from his brother who is also doing the same (i.e. his activities with ruby), and overall a lack of connection between them. when his brother asks him what he remembers of hell, dean lies. deep down he doesn’t feel like the same person he was before he went to hell yet there’s bigger stakes to consider than the fact that he can’t talk to sam because he has to have it all together. 

post-hell dean is self-destructive, even borderline suicidal because of his belief that what is dead should stay dead. he engages in reckless behavior, adopting a careless attitude toward hunting.

       he doesn’t handle the revelation that he broke the first seal well. in his mind it’s his fault for not being strong enough like john. as castiel said, he doesn’t feel he deserved to be saved because of what he went through but before that he didn’t deserve to die. from his own mouth he admitted during an explosive rage that his father was an obsessive bastard and he doesn’t have an identity aside from devoted son and brother who will sacrifice everything for his family regardless of the personal cost. he's played a role all his life: soldier, brother, protector, then a vessel for michael. who is he when he isn’t any of those but a hunter that’s worth is measured by how many monsters he can take out? that question’s one he has to answer for himself and introspection’s not exactly his strong suit.

dean doesn’t go to lisa after sam ends up in the pit.

      as much as i would LOVE to see him have a happy and normal life, this isn’t how he should have gone about it. he showed up at lisa’s door a mess which wasn’t at all fair to her or ben since he would have had a lot of trauma to work through that should have been done on his own. we’re talking nightmares, panic attacks, you name it. that’s not a good environment for a mother and her son to be in and i honestly think he would have realized this and stayed away. also he can’t expect to just quit and that be the end of it.

hunting becomes a distraction from grief and guilt once sam goes into the pit to an obsessive degree.

     he’d do anything for sam, that’s not a secret. would he break him out of the cage and risk lucifer getting out as well is the question? no, he wouldn’t. the guilt he feels for being the one to break the first seal is combined with the guilt that made him keep his brother at a distance for so long, and both are pushed aside to focus on what he can do. maybe he can’t save his brother or fix what broke between them but he can keep innocent people from dying and he latches onto that, pushing everything else aside. to put it simply, he doesn’t have time to dwell on all the ways he failed. 

his way of showing affection can be abrasive at times

       does this make it less genuine? no, of course not. when he cares about someone, he cares with everything in him but it doesn’t make those rough edges velvety smooth. he’s not the softest person out there but that doesn’t make him heartless. he’ll still fight for you and if he loves you, you’ll know. maybe not with words but actions sometimes speak louder and he won’t change who he is to be someone he’s not. once you earn his trust you earn his loyalty as well but once lost, both are hard to get back. it won't necessarily be impossible but he won’t be as open like he was before either.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCIV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And you are not here... (Part. II)

(13x02/13x03)

Hello dears! We are here again, witnessing Dean's mourning for Castiel, and we are suckers for that.

I will try to convey in this meta two episodes, so let's see what happens!

The rejection

At the beginning of the episode, we had Sam and Dean talking about Jack. Dean keeps rejecting the kid because he put on him the weight of loosing Castiel.

They find a motel, and Dean plays the tv, and there's Scooby, and for a brief moment we saw him smiling. Then Dean gives Jack the Bible, and the kid opens it in the Book of Song of Solomon, which is from the Old Testament, and it talks plenty about a two lovers that try to find a way to be together. So the poems describe their passionate and beautiful love for each other, their sadness and their difficulties. Is narrated romantically poetic of that time.

This is very meaningful because the book could be symbolizing Castiel and Dean, trying to be reunited. And the kid is the one who will help to do that. Two lovers that were separated by death but also, who had lived a lot of difficulties together.

Also this quote from Asmodeus:

ASMODEUS: The pain, the, uh, the total humiliation… it forged an eternal bond between us.

Is just a little taste of a dark parallel to Destiel. Is a dark, toxic bond, forged by pain and humiliation, all the opposite of Destiel bond. And we are witnessing this quote because is in the next episode the one Jack will wake up CAS through Dean's mourning. The power of their bond forged by love. The lovers will be finally reunited again.

This scene is when Jack shows Dean is his role model... But also, let's check out the colors...

Go f credit @deansplushy

The room is blue (Castiel) and the kid is imitating Dean, Dean knows it and looks very done with it.

But the whole room is painted in Blue, as if Castiel were in Jack and Dean's mind the whole time.

Then, this foreshadow...

DONATELLO: Sam? Dean? Is God with you?

Donnie was certainly sensing the new God, but also these words...

DONATELLO: (...) So… a few days ago, I’m online, checking out condos in Boca, and I am knocked off my feet by this weird wave of power. Not exactly like God’s. More like… something new, something fresh. I was drawn to it. It’s here.

Something new, something fresh, that's a good description for a new God that just had bey born. Donnie knew it the whole way long.

After this they decided to brought Jack to tattooed the sigil... And this very symbolic dialogue happened between Jack and Dean:

JACK It hurt.

Gif set credit @demondetox

This is the description of grief. So, if Dean was trying to give himself a message and to push the kid into that idea, Jack took it well. He knows he has to endure it. Even if Jack is talking about physical pain, or emotional pain, it fits perfectly with the lesson is floating around loosing Castiel.

Another discussion about Jack happens and this time Dean explodes into hurtful words, and Jack flies away.

The scene in which Sam is talking with him is very beautiful, but also, the colors caught my attention again...

Gif credit @deansplushy

Again, the color blue behind Sam and Jack, is another reminder of Cas. We also have the green (Dean) behind Sam, and Sam is talking about him. Is a very nice played scene, because Dean is to Sam what Cas is to Jack here "a father" but the good one. And Sam trying to explain why Dean acts like this...

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

JACK: Maybe I’m not worth all this.

SAM: Your mom thought you were. So did Cas. So do I.

Sam is mentioning one of Dean's inner issues: THE BIG PROTECTOR, as a raised first born, and as a obedient soldier, Dean is trying to fulfill the order his father gave him the night their house were burning and Mary died. John Winchester gave Sam to Dean, and asked him to take care of him, so, the GUILT HERITAGE as I spoke so many times, is playing rudely in Dean right now. He wants to fulfill that mission, because his father asked him to. This is the toxicity in Dean's personality. In harmony with the quote that is said in this same episode: the sons that try to please their fathers.

The Anger and the Patience

When the episode starts, we are immerse into a psychic house, in the window we can see an eye, as a representation of psychic but also, the eye in the triangle represents God. And we all know Chuck is about to come in season 14.

We can distinguish too a book: 'The knowledge of ourselves" in Dede's house. Is an interesting reference to what I about to come: the whole season 14 will be a self-knowledge path Dean will take based on his experience of being faced with himself in the possesion. As I described in my metas, the experience of the possesion is similar to being in Purgatory for Dean: all his human necesites will be gone, and the purity in his heart will be exposed: What do you want?

When Dede is in front of the spectrum, she can see his true form, just like we will see through Anael's eyes, AUMichael's true form.

Let's jump onto Jack's scene watching a video Kelly left him. The mother's message is very pivotal in Jack's life.

KELLY: Hi Jack, it’s uh… I’m your mom. I guess I should tell you, um, I always wanted to be a mom. I’d play with dolls. I was that kind of girl and daydream about my baby.

Kelly is certifying here he wanted to have Jack, Jack was loved. Not rejected, but loved. Kelly says I WANTED TO BE YOUR MOM.

KELLY: Jack, don’t let anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be. Because who you’re supposed to be isn’t fate, it isn’t me, it isn’t your father. You are who you choose to be. And I know you’re going to okay. You are going to be amazing. You have an angel watching over you.

'It isn't me (not human) it isn't your father (not an angel)' is the perfect description of Jack, because he is gonna be the New God. And the last quote is a recall of Mary saying the same to Dean, when she was pregnant. And, emotionally linked to episode 15x18, in which Case says 'I got you' to Jack and then to Dean.

Dean keeps rejecting Jack, calling him a monster, is a blatant self punishment facing the huge guilt he carries in his heart after losing Castiel.

An important scene happens between Missouri and Dean. She, as a psychic, can sense Dean's mourning and depression.

MISSOURI: Oh honey, I’m sorry for your losses.

Dean looks surprised to these words, all the pain he was trying to hide, mostly in front of Jody and her, it shows.

Another self reflection in the mirror of the spectrum foreshadowing Dean staring at the mirror, possesed by Michael.

The conversation between Sam and Jack shows how Jack feels himself as a monster, also he has GUILT, we are witnessing here the GUILT HERITAGE from Dean to Jack, just like John did with him.

Also, Sam see himself in Jack, through his experience with the darkness in the past.

A parallel with Kelly's messages is reflected on Missouri goodbye words to her granddaughter Patience in the cemetery.

MISSOURI: I promise, no matter what happens, no matter where I go, I will always look out for you. You hear?

The words are different but the feelings are the same. Mostly because Sam was reading a book about how to help gifted kids, and this episode talks about two gifted kids: Jack and Patience. The two of them trying to control their powers. But Jack is encouraged to do that and Patience is not allowed to do it by his father.

A little bit interesting point we have in the spectrum WRAITH feeding by psychic's brain, is a continuity with AUMichael living inside of Dean.

When everything ends, Dean has some words with Patience that caught Jody's attention...

PATIENCE: I talked to my dad. He thinks I should put it away. Dad says we should just get back to normal. Maybe he’s right.

DEAN: He is. This life, hunting, monsters, there’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.

Dean speaks directly from his broken heart, he had just lost CAS, so he lost everything. There's not meaning in keep living for him. He had seen the death that being a hunter brings. So, he had changed. Everything is sadness, grey and dark for Dean. There's no hopes, no light.

But Jody will speak again, just like Kelly did with Jack, using similar words for Patience:

JODY: Patience, wait. I may be out of line here but you don’t have to listen to him. To either of them if it’s not what you really want.

Not me, not him, Patience need to find herself, just like Jack. Just like the book prayed at the beginning of the episode.

Okay, we are going to focus now in theast scene, so so important!

When Sam sees Dean is back, they started talking about Jack again...

SAM: How was it? Uh, Jody told me about Missouri.

DEAN: Yeah, just another day at the office. How’s the kid? He go dark side yet?

Dean talks about Missouri here with apathy, emotionlessly. This is part of his depression. Then, Sam confronts him.

SAM: No, Dean. He’s messed up because of you. Dean, you said you’d kill him.

DEAN: It wasn’t exactly like that.

SAM: Then how exactly was it?

DEAN: I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad.

SAM: I didn’t.

DEAN: What?

SAM: I didn’t ‘end bad’. When I was the freak, when I was drinking demon blood.

Sam sees himself in Jack in the good way, with hopes, but Dean sees himself in Jack as something that needs to be killed...

DEAN: Come on man, that’s totally different.

SAM: Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t! You saved me! So help me save him!

DEAN: You deserved to be saved, he doesn’t!

SAM: Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!

I will stop here, Dean reflecting himself in Jack is blatant here: HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE SAVED. Is the self knowledge of his inner GUILT and MONSTER. Dean sees himself as a monster that doesn't deserve to be saved.

DEAN: Look, I know you think that you can use him as some sort of an interdimensional can-opener and that’s fine, but don’t act like you care about him! Because you only care about what he can do for you! So if you want to pretend, that’s fine! But me? I can hardly look at the kid! Because when I do all I see is everybody we’ve lost!

(Gif credit @foxthefanboi )

Here, my mind went immediately at the scene from previous episode, because Jack behaves so like CAS, and Dean can see it. The pain in Dean's face is getting louder and louder, his eyes, the way he is talking, with cathartic anger will reach the high point when he starts mention the most important person he lost in his life... Castiel. All his pain and anger are because Castiel is gone.

SAM: Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack!

But is not about mom...

DEAN: And what about Cas?

SAM: What about Cas?

Now, the pain and the anger are released in front of his brother. And Sam just confirms and faces it in silence.

DEAN: He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!

(gif set credit @shirtlesssammy )

Sam is silent, he takes every drop of anger and pain from his brother, the very cause of Dean's grief is revealed to him. Dean is mourning Castiel. Dean can't forget CAS is dead. Dean can't forgive Jack, himself , for that. That's why. That's the truth. That's why Sam keeps silent.

But the kid is listening...

The grief and the longing is so huge, Jack is able to reach Castiel in the Empty through it. Just like Amara reached Dean through Castiel.

(Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy)

To Conclude:

These two episode showed us how Dean reflects himself in Jack.The guilt and the pain, together with the anger is so huge in Dean's heart, he can't barely hide it.

Sam is the one keeping the flag up for hopes, but Dean had lost everything.

The profound bond is important again now, because is the way Jack reacher CAS in the Empty and wake him up.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read my previous meta from season 13 go to this link.

Buenos Aires, December 27th 2020, 12:45 PM

[thecleverdame]

Caught - 3

Sam x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You’re arrested and interrogated as an accomplice to the notorious Winchester brothers.

Warning: Talk of past violence, death of parents, murder, rape, torture and domestic abuse/violence.

Words: 2.3k

Beta: ilikaicalie

Part 1-7 are available now on my Patreon for a monthly pledge of 2.50. This pledge includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

-

It’s day 3 and this time instead of bringing you to the same interrogation room, Detective Marlow leads you down a series of halls into a cozier side room with an aging couch and scuffed up coffee table. There’s a knock-off Airwick scent dispenser that puffs as you sit down, wafting a burp of sickly sweet cranberry in your general direction.

Marlow sits in an armchair across from you, setting up a video camera to record the interview and then leafing through her stack of meticulously organized notes. She smiles, careful and calculated, trying nonchalantly to get you comfortable enough to open up.

“Would you like a warm-up?” She nods toward your styrofoam cup of coffee.

“I’m good, thanks.” You pick at the edge, crossing your ankles and waiting for the day to begin.

“Let me know if you need anything.” She shifts her hips. She’s nervous. “We’ll get started. If you need a break just speak up. This can be tasking and I want you to know that honestly, I have your best interests in mind.”

“I understand,” you nod and fold your hands in your lap.

“I was hoping we could talk about the beginning.”

“The beginning?”

“After Sam first took you. Those first weeks and months.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Anything you can remember.”

In truth, you can recall almost every detail, the sights, sounds, and feelings of being ripped out of your life and transplanted into a clusterfuck with the Winchesters.

“It was...scary. For a long time. But I was so overcome with grief that I don’t think I let that part of it sink in. Sam was afraid the men who killed my parents would look for me. He knew he and Dean attracted more attention together, so the two of us stayed under the radar. We’d drive two or three hundred miles every day, stay in some shitty motel and do the same thing again as soon as the sun came up. It was three weeks of moving around.”

“Did you try to get away from Sam during that time?”

“He told me I could leave.”

“He did?” She’s surprised, eyebrows shooting up as her pen stops on the paper. “Would he have let you go?”

“I don’t know. Probably not,” you shrug. “He explained how dangerous it was. That I should stay with him. I believed him, so I stayed.”

“Did he threaten you? Hurt you?”

“No, we just watched a lot of movies and read books.”

“Did he talk about his brother?” she asks, taking notes.

“Yeah, as the days went on. I knew we were going to meet up with Dean eventually. I think Sam felt bad, he knew his brother wouldn’t want to add me to the mix. I think he was prepping me for Dean’s reaction.”

“What was Dean’s reaction?”

“Dean was resistant.” You smile halfheartedly. “He didn’t want me there, Sam and Dean were a two-man show and I was the third wheel. Something else to worry about.”

“But Sam insisted you stay with them?”

“Yeah. He said it was safer that way.”

Five Years Ago

“It’s gonna be alright,” Sam says.

The car is parked outside room number eleven at the Cable Car Motel. He’s sitting behind the steering wheel with both hands resting on his thighs. Inside that room is his brother, the infamous Dean you’ve heard so much about it feels like you already know him.

“You keep saying that.” Watching him grimace you unbuckle your seat belt. “I trust you, Sam.”

“Good.” Sam takes a deep breath, looks at you with hesitation then exits the car. You follow him to the door, standing beside him as he knocks once. The door flies open and a handsome guy with a gun in his hand is standing barefoot on aging carpet.

Dean looks from Sam to you and then back to his brother, waving the gun at him.

“No,” Dean barks.

“Dean, we talked about this,” Sam counters, readying for a fight.

“I know. And I told you in no uncertain terms to ditch the chick. The last thing we need is another liability. She,” he tips the barrel of the gun toward you, “is gonna get us killed.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Sam rolls his eyes.

Dean turns and walks back into the room, leaving the door wide open. Sam places a hand on your back, ushering you inside before carefully closing the door.

“You have to know this is a bad idea, Sammy.”

“Don’t call me Sammy. They’re going to kill her, we can’t just leave her on her own.”

“So we stash her somewhere. They are plenty of hunters that could keep her safe.”

“No way.” Sam is adamant about this.

A couple of weeks ago, after a few beers, Sam explained how the other hunters came for him once they knew about his powers. They saw him as tainted, evil. What Dean’s talking about is exactly the thing Sam’s trying to protect you from.

Sam sighs and turns to you. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Sure,” you start to move toward the door but Sam directs you toward the bathroom instead. You sit on the toilet and listen through paper-thin walls. Talk about the illusion of privacy.

“What the hell, man!” Dean hisses. “I said no.”

“And I told you I’m not leaving her. She’s special Dean, like me. I can’t let anything happen to her.”

“Are you sleeping with her?”

“What? No. Look Dean-” Sam scoffs.

“I know how you get when you’ve got it bad for a girl. This is what you do, you ride in on a white horse and save the day.”

“That’s not what’s going on here. But you need to think about this. She lost her family, and people will be looking for her. She shouldn’t be alive.”

“You think yellow eyes hid her away? As what, a backup?”

“Maybe, but she doesn’t understand what she is. She’s just trying to deal and we gotta help her.”

“It’s not a good idea. It makes all of us a giant fucking target. She’s not a hunter. She’s gonna get hurt or killed.”

“I’ll take care of her.”

“Yeah, I bet you will.” Dean is dripping with sarcasm.

“Fuck you, man. I’m not trying to get laid. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

“Fine. But she’s your responsibility. And for the record, this is gonna end in blood.”

Present Day

“Dean thought I was a liability. That I’d slow them down, get them caught,” you snort.

You and Dean have grown closer over the years. These days he’s your family just as much as Sam.

“But Sam wanted you to stay?” she clarifies.

“Yeah, he said he wanted to keep me safe.”

“What did keeping you safe entail? Were you locked in a room? Were there rules?”

You laugh, remembering the near debilitating intensity of the first months with the Winchesters.

“It was the wild west. Sam was scared something would happen to me so he took me everywhere. For probably the first six months I don’t think I was ever more than twenty feet from him.”

“How did you feel about that? Were you scared of him? Of Dean?”

“A little, a first. But I knew Sam liked me, he was kind to me despite being this huge beast of a guy who was trained to kill. Over time being with him felt safe. He’s always protected me, never let anyone fuck with me. Not randos in the bar or some assassins trying to kill me.”

“He’s your protector.”

“He’s a lot of things.” You smile, picturing Sam’s face in the mornings. He’s most handsome with heavy eyes and wild hair, lying on a pillow next to you.

“When did you begin a more intimate relationship?”

“About a year in. I ran away. Their life was too much. I saw something I shouldn't have seen and it terrified me. I wanted out. Sam found me and things...changed after that.”

“Did he assault you?”

“No.”

“You gave consent?”

“Of course.”

“I ask because I have a hard time seeing no as a realistic option. You knew the extreme violence he was capable of. At that point, you witnessed first hand what the Winchesters were capable of. And you also felt a sense of loyalty, for the protection he offered. Could you have said no?”

“Sam’s never done anything to me I didn’t want,” you counter.

“I only know what I’ve seen.” She sits back, watching you thoughtfully. “We watched the surveillance video together. He beat you. Sexually assaulted you. I’ve seen the hospital records. But I’ve also watched the videos on your phone. So I know you care about him, you love him. That has to be confusing.”

“The world we live in is...different. Things aren’t always what they appear to be.”

“I can understand that.” Marlow thinks you’re in denial about your situation, but she’s softened her approach. “Every relationship is complicated, there are layers upon layers. I’m not saying Sam is all bad but you do realize he’s capable of incredible violence, don’t you?”

“They both are.” You look her in the eyes, staring Marlow head-on. “Everything Sam and Dean have ever done has been in the pursuit of bad people, evil things.”

Her eyes narrow, debating how to handle this new declaration.

“Y/N, they’ve killed a lot of people. Lots of them. Remember the diner? The bank? They slaughtered innocent people and apparently enjoyed themselves.”

You squirm, still unsure of how to handle this part of things. Leviathan make everything significantly more complicated.  They left a nauseating body count and the proof to confirm everyone’s suspicions. One look at the video uploaded to one of the victim’s social media would be enough to convince anyone that Sam and Dean are complete and total monsters with a taste for blood.

“That doesn’t bother you?” Marlow asks. Her question is a genuine one, there’s no angle behind it.

“Everyone’s got their shit.” You shrug, tucking hair behind both ears.

“Did you know about that series of attacks? What they had planned?”

“No, of course not.”

“After it happened, you made the choice to stay with Sam. Despite the fact that he murdered dozens and recorded it for the world. You stayed.”

Jesus, you wish she would move on from this. While you understand she’s trying to get inside your motivations there’s not much you can say short of explaining the men in all these videos are shapeshifting creatures.

“That’s not a question,” you counter.

“Okay, let me rephrase. Why did you stay?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Try.”

“That Sam and my Sam are two very different people. There’s so much more than what you see. They’ve helped people, people in real trouble that have no one else to turn to.”

“I’ve read those reports too. There’s a fascinating contrast between the men who shot up a restaurant full of random bystanders and the guys who travel the country solving bizarre crimes.”

Four Years and Nine Months Ago

“He hates me.” You sit in the back of the Impala watching Dean walk toward the gas station.

Sam twists around in his seat, looking back at you. “He just needs time. He’s not used to this. It’s been just the two of us for a long time.”

“Maybe he’s right. I don’t wanna get anyone else killed. If you got me a fake ID you could drop me off somewhere-”

“No way.” Sam shakes his head, shifting in his seat to fully turn around and face you. “I told you I was gonna take care of you and I will. Don’t let him make you feel bad. I want you here. We’re going to find out who killed your parents, and who’s after you. Once things are safe you can do whatever you want, but right now just stick with me and ignore my brother. He’s got a bad attitude.”

“I don’t have much of a choice.”

You sit back watching cars come and go from the gas pumps. Sam’s thumbing through his phone but he’s not really looking at the screen. You’ve come to know him in the time you spent alone together. When it was just the two of you, you talked. Talked about everything. Childhoods and college and losing people you care about. You shared book recommendations and watched Netflix on his tiny phone screen to pass the hours. It was a nice little bubble that felt safe, a world away from the horror of what happened to your family. And the uncertainty of what lay ahead. Being with Sam was like living in a cocoon, but now you’re back in the real world and it’s a harsh reality.

“I was thinking,” Sam starts, staring out the windshield. “If you want, maybe you and I can get a room together and Dean can have a room to himself. Only if you're comfortable.”

The three of you have shared rooms for too long. Sam’s slept on the floor next to your bed despite your willingness to trade places. Dean’s complained about how much time you spend in the shower.

“I’d prefer that,” you reply as Dean walks toward the car with a plastic sack full of snacks. “Maybe he’ll ease up if I’m not in his space twenty-four hours a day.”

[anxstiel]

15x09 piece cause I'm a destiel clown

Dean fell to his knees as the leviathan attacked from behind, it's terrifying face full of teeth getting right into Dean's face as he clawed hopelessly at the monsters arms wrapped around his body.

"Hey!"

The body of the monster was suddenly lifted from his and slung up against a nearby tree. He looks up to see a disgruntled Cas standing above him. 

"Thanks." He says, out of breath.

Cas only has time to nod back at him before another monster lunges out of the bushes on top of him and it's partner running at Dean. They end up back to back as they try their best to keep them away, the monsters evading their angel blades.

The leviathan with Dean struck out and successfully managed to block the blade and make it scratch across his abdomen. Dean let out a pained yell before he collapsed to the ground.

"Dean!" Panicked, Cas quickly turned to take Dean's leviathan by surprise to shove his blade into him and turned back around to clasp his hand around the monster's throat to hold it in place before ripping out his blade from the one behind him and shoving it into them.

Both collapsed to the ground, now very much dead. Exhausted, Cas collapsed beside Dean who hands are now covered in his own blood as he tries to put pressure on the wound.

"May I?" Cas holds his hand above Dean's, waiting patiently for Dean to remove it.

When he does, Cas let's his hand hover above the wound and, with a lot more effort than should be necessary, heals it.

He stands. "We need to get moving. This flower is essential and I'm sure we don't have that much time left before we're trapped here." He goes to move away but a hand grabs his.

"Cas, wait." He looks down to see Dean still crouched on the ground, seemingly breathless as he stares up at him, an unknown emotion present in his eyes.

He raises a brow "What is it? Did I miss something? Are you still in pain?"

Shaking his head rapidly as he reached his other hand up to clasp Cas'. "No, no, it's not that. Cas --." He hesitates, trying desperately to find the right words. He knew that they needed to fix this. Fix his mistake. He just didn't know how. If they even could.

"Dean, we really need to --"

"I'm sorry!" Cas looked back at him, surprised at the sudden announcement.

"For what?"

"For everything! For blaming you. For pushing you away. For being an absolute idiot. I'm sorry, Cas." Cas' face softens minutely at the declaration. He puts his unused hand on top of Dean's and pulls to help him up.

"Thank you, Dean. But you were right. I have done too many wrongdoings. There is blood on my hands I will never be able to wash away. The fault was on me." He smiled at Dean and turned away again. "Now come on. We need to find this flower."

"Quit doing that."

Cas stopped. "What?"

Dean pointed a shaky finger at him. "That! Quit blaming yourself. I know it's my fault." He laughed weakly. "I told you I would rub off on you."

Cas looked upon him with confusion. "Don't be ridiculous, Dean. You did no such --"

"You didn't touch me."

Standing rigid, Cas stared at Dean in shock. "What?"

Those usually vibrant green eyes seemed dull as the man replied. "When you healed me just now you didn't touch me. Back at the Bunker, too, after the spell. You always touch me." His voice starts to break at the last few words.

Cas takes a step towards him. "Dean, I didn't realize … It was unintended."

Chuckling, Dean rubbed one of his bloody hands down his face. "But it was, wasn't it? I pushed you away. My best friend. I treated you unfairly. I used to pray to you here. Every night. I trusted you and believed in you without a doubt. I guess I gave up on you and I am so sorry. I guess you've finally given up on me, too, after all these years …"

"No!"

Startled, Dean widened his eyes at the angel.

"I have never given up on you Dean Winchester. Yes, I was upset about the way you treated me. About the fact that I was just being used." His eyes were cast downward now. "I will admit that Belphegors' words got to me. They set me on edge. But nothing will ever stop me from protecting you. Or Sam."

Cas was unsure of what Dean was going to do next. There was an unknown emotion in his eyes and he only stood unmoving. The angel wasn't completely sure what to do now, wanting Dean to take the lead as usual. The Winchester was supposed to be the leader, the protector. He was always strong. But right now, he looked pitiful and tired and so full of guilt and pride. It was too much for just one man to carry.

The angel must've said the last few thoughts aloud because the man before him widened his eyes and reached his hand out to grasp Cas' again. "Then why don't you take some of it for me?" 

It was a miracle.

When Dean's lips met his, he melted. He had imagined this many times. He had always known the emotions he had toward Dean had never been just friendship. There was always a more profound bond. But he was never able to do anything about, keeping himself safe with the belief that the feeling was never mutual.

Calloused hands scrape across his cheeks as he's pulled deeper into the kiss. He has kissed many a woman before but none of them felt even remotely like this. He felt free as he lifted his hands to Dean's neck as he tilted his head to keep his nose out of the way.

Before they could take it further, Dean pulled away, Cas trying to follow his lips, not wanting it to end. Dean laughed, maybe the most genuine laugh he's had in a very long time. Cas took in his face from so close. His smile was genuine and his eyes back to their vibrant green. All of it because of a kiss with me …

"I really am a complete idiot, huh?"

Cas quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

Dean smiled at him and rubbed his thumb softly across his cheek. "How long have you been wanting to kiss me, Cas?"

A blush immediately spread up his neck to the tips of his ears making the answer quite obvious. Curse these human tendencies.

"Yeah," Dean sighed. "I think the same goes for me." His nose scrunches up in thought. "I guess Sammy was always right. I'm emotionally constipated."

Cas smiled at the comment, Dean's usual dry humor being gratefully welcomed back by the angel.

The mood turns sour again as Dean morphed his face into a look of disgust. For a moment, Cas thinks it's because of him. "I can't believe I did all that to you, Cas. You never deserved any of that. You deserve better." He starts to pull his hands away. "Better than me."

Cas catches both of his hands and places them back on his face. "Since when do we get what we deserve?" He leans in.

This one seems even better than the first. Both men emotional at the confessions being made. Learning that they have both been yearning for the other for years. They could've been happy, together, years ago.

All of these feelings were put into the kiss as they grasped for each other's necks and faces and hair, barely able to pause for breath before diving back in. The only thing that could possibly stop them would be if --

A twig snaps.

Both hunters jump into fighting positions before looking over at the tree line.

Benny Lafitte stands before them, his arms crossed and a smirk plastered on his bearded face.

"Well it's about damn time."

•••

This was rushed and probably isn't any good but I need my destiel y'know?

This was just something I came up with after watching the newest episode and after hearing about the whole praying thing in 5x09 so, yeah.

There really isn't any plot to this and I know that beginning fight scene was poorly written but this was made simply for the two lovesick idiots and nothing else. 

And again, I rushed this, so I'm sorry.

Hope whoever actually read this likes and reblogs it :)

[youngster-monster]

Pansy, peony, yellow poppy - caring, bravery, success

(fuck it. three prompts in one.)

1.

When the Red Legion invaded the City, its sight set on the Traveler and its Light, they fought back. They killed and they struggled and they died for the Light. In some timelines, they even won.

Not in this one.

Here, when the Traveler senses their approach through the fog of its comatose state, it makes a choice. Stay or run; hope the Guardians can save it or leave to give itself a chance to heal before the Darkness inevitably finds it again.

It chooses to run, gathers the last of its strength and flees the system, never to be seen again. And so when humanity stands against the Red Legion, it does so alone.

Because of course Ghaul doesn’t give up. One does not lead an undefeated legion by having mercy. When he finds the Traveler once again out of his reach, he turns his sight on the Light remaining in the Guardians instead. Bitter and angry from the unexpected failure, he swears to put an end to humanity as a whole.

But they’re not going down that easily.

This time they do not fight for the Light. They do not fight for the Traveler, threatened by Ghaul’s hunger for power and glory. Hopeless after the departure of their protector, abandoned by the Light, they fight because it’s the only thing left to do. Because it’s that or death and humanity has never been one to go gentle into that good night.

They’ve got to hope for victory and to hold on until then, because if they don’t they will have nothing left. And isn’t that the whole point of being a Guardian? Faith that they can make it through, with or without Light.

Be brave, Guardian.

They’ll have to be.

The Vanguard does not run; without the immediate threat of the Traveler’s death — without the hope of its presence — they step up to their role and lead the survivors of the initial onslaught to the EDZ to regroup. Suraya Hawthorne offers them the Farm as a base of operation in exchange for a say in the way things are run.

Sam is there when it happens, standing at her side as something a little like a Guardian-civilians liaison. Despite that he’s not sure how they settle the debates on who should or shouldn’t lead the survivors in this conflict.

He thinks the Future War Cult bartered their resources in exchange for a place on the war council. From what he hears Dead Orbit is arguing for the merits of fleeing the system again and are supported by many Guardians disillusioned by the Traveler abandoning them. He keeps an eye on the proceedings in case they try to stage a coup, but apart from that he’s too busy to listen to politics that don’t involve him.

At first he works with the other doctors of the Farm, setting up a triage area for the wounded coming in every day. The first two weeks are a haze of blood and exhaustion, Guardians unused to mortality falling back on old habits and getting nearly killed. They lose more than they save.

One day he finds himself with his hands in the guts of one of his rookies. He kind of expected it to happen. He’s been training Kinderguardians for years, one of them was bound to find their way on his operation table eventually.

But when he thought about it he had hoped, perhaps selfishly that he’d find one of the older ones — a Guardian who had already earned their stripes. As if it would be any easier.

Instead, he gets one of the kids. He mentored her maybe two years ago, at most. And now here she is with shrapnel embedded in her stomach, and as he digs them out he can’t help but feel like it’s a failure on his part. As if maybe, if he’d trained her better — if her and her comrades had been more careful — she’d be alright.

He walks into the improvised war room, still covered in blood from the elbows down, and demands of the Vanguard that they train their Guardians to fight like they could die at any time, because they can.

They agree, and put him in charge of it. No good deed goes unpunished indeed.

It’s the right call to make though. Because Sam has been ghostless for more than a decade and a mentor to Kinderguardians for nearly as long, he finds himself uniquely qualified to deal with the newly-mortal Guardians. He calls every surviving ghostless he knows, old friends and people he ran missions with back when Sasha was still alive. Devrim brings in active duty civilians as well, and together they create a training course focused on survival. On guerrilla warfare, long-distance, strategy. Guardians already used to these tactics, such as snipers and lone Hunters who specialize in dangerous long term missions, are put in charge of small groups of trainees in the field while the civilians and ghostless coordinate their efforts in some weird reversal of their usual roles.

They get fewer deaths and grave injuries. The war goes from a constant slaughter to a slower, more frustrating near-stalemate, as humanity and the cabal both refuse to give an inch of held territory to the other.

It takes Sam longer than he’d like to admit to realize they’ve somehow recreated the trench wars, and stumbled into a stable chain of command while doing so.

More than ever he’s thankful to be a medic, meaning he’s called to the front too often to be put in any meaningful leadership roles. It suits him just fine. He’ll take the blood and fire of active combat over politics and strategy any day. And it’s better if Devrim is in charge of that anyway. Light knows it’ll be easier on Mark’s nerves than sending him off to the front line.

2.

“Sergeant Fletcher, sir!”

Sam glances up at the soldier who barged into the infirmary tent. He’s still not sure how he feels about the whole ‘addressing him by rank’ thing — or even about the fact that he has an actual military rank now. He blames it on the Future Car cult. But he can’t argue with how much easier it makes it to know when someone’s talking to him. There are only so many Sgt. Fletcher around.

He writes down the last of the meds that need replenishing and gestures to the soldier to speak up.

“There’s-” They stop as if unsure how to proceed before saying carefully, “We’ve got a Fallen wanting to talk to you.”

“A what?”

“A Fallen, sir. Captain rank by the size of it.”

Sam rubs his face, grimacing. “And why am I supposed to deal with that?”

“Well you’ve got kind of a… reputation? Also it asked for someone in charge and you’re the highest ranked officer present at the moment.”

Light. Save one Dreg (or a few) and you’ll never hear the end of it. It’s not his fault he’s got a soft heart for small, vulnerable bug aliens.

He slings his rifle over his shoulder and follows after the soldier with a faint sigh.

It’s not hard to tell where the Captain is: there’s a crowd gathered around it, some watching it with open hostility and others gossiping in low voices. Sam could hear the chatter long before he reached them. His guide hovers a second at his shoulder once they get there before joining his fellow soldiers.

“Don’t you have a job to do?” Sam barks, striding through the crowd and glaring at the lot of them. “You think the Cabal’s gonna wait patiently while you gossip? Get movin’!”

They disperse and soon Sam is left with a handful of Guardians at his back and one lone Fallen looming over him. The looming might be accidental. It’s been years since he’s been that close to a Fallen and he forgot how tall these fuckers get. He crosses his arms and looks up into the four glowing eyes of the alien.

The Fallen takes out its blades, and he tenses, hears guns being aimed down at the alien behind him, but it only crosses them in front of its chest and bows its head slightly.

He shakes his head and pushes the confusion away. As long as it’s not attacking he’s willing to give it a chance. “I’m Samuel Fletcher, I’m in charge of this unit. You wished to talk.”

“I am Mithrax, Kell of Light” it says, sheathing its blades once again. “I come to speak in House-mine name.”

That gives him pause. A Kell alone in hostile territory sounds… impossible. Or stupid, depending. The Fallen have a near-fanatical loyalty to their Kells, they wouldn’t let one go behind enemy lines on its own. The name of its House is odd as well. Most Houses are named by the Guardians fighting them rather than by the Fallen themselves — the House of Wolves by the grey scruff of their cloaks, the House of Devils by the threat they posed to the City. So why the House of Light? He doesn’t know what would be the most disturbing, between a Guardian naming them that and the Fallen choosing it themselves.

Maybe it’s a risk, but… he’s curious.

Just as he’s about to invite Mithrax to keep talking someone yells, “Medic!”

His eyes dart away. He sees them as they round the corner, a small fireteam that was sent on recon this morning. They’re carrying one of their own, arms slung around her teammates’ shoulders. A good chunk of her armor is nothing but a charred mess anymore.

Forgetting all about this weird Fallen Sam jogs up to them and catches the wounded before her exhausted companions can drop her. Moments later two soldiers appear at his side, carrying a stretcher.

“Get her to the med tent! You two, can you get there on your own or do you need help?” The two other Guardians shake their heads. “Alright. Let’s go.”

He nods at Mithrax on their way past it — him? Female Fallen sound a little different from what he remembers. He means it as an apology since he can’t listen to what the Kell has to say, but Mithrax takes one look at the situation and follows after them. Sam shrugs and waves off the concerned soldiers that try to stop him. He’ll deal with that later, once he’s done doing his job.

The Guardian — Nel, apparently — has a third degree burn covering her chest from her shoulder to her navel from a close encounter with a Magma Launcher. There’s not much Sam can do about it except clean the wound and bandage it while they wait for extraction. They’ll need to get her to the back line before flying her to the Farm, where they’ll have the necessary equipment for a skin graft.

The other two are mostly fine. One of them is an Exo, so Sam sends him to the camp’s engineer despite his protests. He doesn’t understand anything about the way Exos work, but even he knows that a loose wire can sometimes be the difference between hitting your target and getting hit instead. Better safe than sorry.

“I’ll keep an eye on Nel,” the other reassures him, and he reluctantly steps out of the tent.

Finally, once everyone is bandaged and resting, he turns his attention back to Mithrax.

The Kell has been watching him work patiently, staying well out of his way. Whatever it is he wants to talk about, it must be important if he’s willing to spend so much time staring at Sam's back while he cuts dead skin off a poor girl like she’s some kind of human kebab.

(Yikes.)

He takes off his gloves, balls them and throws them in the trash, washes his hands carefully. Then, while he’s cleaning and disinfecting his tools, he angles his face so he can look at Mithrax over his shoulder and says,

“Alright. What was it you wanted to talk about?”

“The Great Machine. It left you, yes?” Sam nods, bemused. “It runs when you need it most. We see this. Some want to attack while you’re weak. Revenge for theft. Others say you are not thieves. You are like Eliksni, chosen by Great Machine then abandoned. Want to help like we wanted to be helped.”

Sam carefully, neatly cleans and packs his surgery tools away, mind whirring with this new information. “Which one won out?”

“None. House of Houses splintered. Old loyalties hard to forget, many new-old Houses now. Again. Some want to fight. Some want to help.” Mithrax makes an odd little sound. Sam finds him playing with the last of his scalpels, staring at the slowly drying blood there. He presents it to Sam, handle first, and holds his gaze with four glowing eyes. “I want to help. We fight together, yes? Then we find the Great Machine again.”

Sam isn’t sure how he feels about running after the Traveler like a… a jilted loved, like something desperate and broken begging to be given another chance. Maybe he’s biased because he’s been living without the Light for so long, or maybe he’s too proud for it.

But in the meantime, Mithrax is offering something far more precious. An alliance isn’t a small thing for the Fallen, who fights other Houses as often as the many factions they’re at war with. It’s near friendship, chaining your survival to that of another House, compromising on your goals to better fight together.

It means a lot. Sam can appreciate that. So he takes the scalpel and holds Mihtrax’s gaze and says, “Alright. I’ll get you to the Vanguard.”

They can talk, leaders to leaders. Kell to Kell. And Sam can stay here, in his infirmary with the quickly dwindling medical supplies and nothing but spite to carry him through, and prepare to welcome wounded Fallen into his care. Just the way he likes it.

3.

Sam isn’t sure how the talks between the House of Light and the Vanguard went. A few days after he brought Mithrax to them the Legion stages an offensive on their front, and there’s no more time to worry about the negotiations. He’s too busy trying to keep his troops alive.

It’s the worst week of his life. The Cabal are relentless because they can afford to be. They outnumber and outgun them, and they have nothing to protect. Every attack becomes a gamble — how much time before the first line falls, how much ground can they give before they’re backed in a corner or putting civilians in danger. Ships can’t approach the zone without being gunned down, the transmat system is down, and the nearest outpost is days away on a Sparrow.

They’re all alone, quickly running out of ammo, and soon they’ll be running out of people.

Sam alternates between the front line and their ever-moving camp, gunning down Cabal and stabilizing the wounded. Most of the soldiers at his side are bearing some kind of injury and fighting despite it. Light knows the one he’s currently dragging to safety will be back in the fray as soon as they can stand on their two feet.

He gets them behind a crumbling wall and leans against the stone for a second, panting. There’s no time for a break. He rummages in his bag and takes out bandages, stitches, the bottle of vodka they’ve been using since they ran out of disinfectant. It’s not a deep wound but an infection is a death sentence when they have nothing to treat it and no way to tell when they’ll be able to get supplies again.

The air rumbles over their heads. Since his hand are otherwise occupied and he can’t risk looking away and fucking up a stitch Sam presses his cheek against the radio taped to his shoulder.

“Hellion, come in, what’s going on?”

The radio crackles with static and gunfire. Hellion-6 yells cover me, half muffled by the noise, before her tense voice comes clearer through the comms. “Fallen Skiff just uncloaked above us.”

Fuck. This could be a saving grace or the last nail in their coffin. He ties the final stitch, shushing the Guardian distractedly when she makes a small pained noise, and finally looks up. He squints at the flag flying above the Skiff. It’s red, he thinks, but that could be Light colors just as much as Devil and he can’t make out the symbols.

Well. Pray for the best and prepare for the worst, right? Not that he’ll need much preparation. Death by Cabal or death by Devil isn’t that different, after all.

The Skiff opens its hatches and drops Fallen troops over their lines. Dregs and Vandals scatter, getting behind cover as soon as they touch the ground. Sam ducks his head so he’s less visible and risks a glance to one of the Fallen.

Red banners and a familiar symbol. Thank the Light, they’re allies.

“Don’t shoot!” He barks in his comms. “They’re friendly!”

“Are you sure?”

The last Fallen to drop from the Skiff before it disappears again is a Captain — no, not quite. Sam grins at Mithrax even though Kell can’t see it. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure. Let them through.”

He leaves the wounded Guardian to the watch of their fretting Ghost and joins the fighting again. He checks his rifle as he approaches and scowls when he finds the magazine empty. He still has his bow, but it’s far from ideal in this situation, even with Fallen support helping thin the herd.

Just as he’s about to take out his other weapon though, the Vandal closest to him steps out of his way and hands him their Shock Rifle, bowing their head quickly before skittering away. Sam watches them go, confused, before eventually shrugging it off and taking aim.

The balance of the rifle is different from what he’s used to, heavier and bulkier than his own, but he gets used to it quickly enough. The fact that the projectiles track the Cabal he has in his sights is definitely a nice perk. More than that though it’s the satisfaction of seeing every shot followed by a dozen more — he’s standing shoulder to shoulder with Guardians, but a few yards down the line there are Fallen too, and it’s the strangest and most wonderful thing that’s happened to him yet.

Survival. What a concept.

Finally the Legion retreats after the loss of one Centurion too many. There’s a moment of tense silence as they watch their enemies retreat for the first time in days, waiting with baited breath for the Cabal to yell it was just a joke and descend upon them once again to grind them in the dust.

It doesn’t happen. When they realize that, the exhausted, mud-stained soldiers break into cheers. Sam finds himself dragged into a hug by Viratz, the rookie non-Guardian of the squad, and rubs his back when he feels tears well up against his skin.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, we made it, we won,” he whispers, squeezing a little tighter. “We’re safe now.”

It’s a lie but one Viratz needs at the moment.

Eventually the kid lets go and Sam pushes him towards the other soldiers. Some have collapsed where they stood, groaning in relief and fatigue, but most are jumping and hugging like they won the war rather than a single battle.

No one died, this time. Guess it’s justified.

“Good we were in time.”

Sam jumps. He puts a hand to his chest as if trying to manually slow down his hammering heart and whirls around to glower at Mithrax. He’s lucky Sam is tired, otherwise he might have gotten a face full of arc projectiles rather than a sullen glare.

(His fight or flight response tends to fall squarely in the fight category.)

“Don’t just sneak up on me like that,” he says. Then it occurs to him that not only is this the leader of a whole House, which entails a little bit of respect unless he wishes for an Arc Blade between the ribs, but also that Mithrax might have just saved their lives and he ought to be grateful. “Thank you,” he adds. “You have no idea how much it meant to us.”

Mithrax makes a show of looking around, at the discarded, empty guns and the drawn faces of his unit. “Have some idea.”

“Ha, yeah, that’s fair. Still. Thank you.”

“You need help. We promised. So, we’re here. No thanks needed.”

Well. He’s not gonna argue against that. He changes the subject, if only because if he stops talking he’s going to drop unconscious and he needs to stay awake to check everyone for injuries.

“Can I keep the rifle? It’s very nice.”

“I know. Eliksni make best weapons. Keep it and it will keep you alive.”

Nice of him.

“Sarge?”

The calm never lasts, huh? Sam turns towards the soldier calling for him. “Yeah, what is it?”

“We got the wounded to the tent. Some of the guys are already patching them up, but-” They glance nervously at Mithrax before continuing. “One of them is a Fallen, and I don’t think we’re qualified to take care of that.”

“I see. Mithrax, would you mind giving us a hand? Or, huh, a few?”

It’s a poor attempt at a joke but Mithrax makes a clicking sound that sounds a bit like laughter, maybe, and follows after them.

The Fallen in question is a Dreg, curled on a cot and clutching their — oh dear, what little is left of their left arm. Sam clicks his tongue, puts his gloves on and leans over them, gently prying their claws away from the wound. They hiss weakly put let him do it.

It’s been cauterized. Gladiator blade, probably, the look of the cut. It kind of breaks his heart to see: he definitely has a soft spot for small, insect-like things.

“Aw you poor thing,” he mutters while inspecting the edges of the wounds. “Say, Mithrax, do you know if your kind has bad reactions to human medicine?”

The Kell makes a negative noise. Reassured, Sam starts by disinfecting the burn, wincing when it elicits pained chattering noises from the Dreg. He tries to make small talks to distract them, even though he has no idea if they also speak Terran. “It’s going to suck having only one arm when you ought to have four, hm? Don’t you worry, we’ll find you something cool to replace it. Like a hook. Or an Arc Blade on a stick, heh? Gives you some more reach to fight those Cabal bastards.”

All the while he can feel the weight of Mithrax’ attention on him. He ignores it — he’s a professional, he has a job to do.

“Few supplies,” Mithrax muses.

Sam waves it off. “Yes, yes. We’ve been off grid for some times and the City engineers couldn’t come to fix our transmat system with all the Cabal around. Don’t worry about it.”

“Maybe not waste it on Dreg. Keep it for kin.”

This time he turns to look at Mithrax, indignant that he would suggest such a thing. He’s a doctor, damn it, he’s not going to let one of their new allies die from the consequences of an impromptu amputation. “I’m not going to hoard my supplies and let one of yours die, Mithrax!”

The Kell shrugs. “Is only Dreg.”

Anger flares inside, burning hot in his chest. He tightens his grip involuntarily and has to apologize when the Dreg makes another noise of pain. He goes back to his task, focusing on the bandages he’s carefully wrapping around the stump. He tries to keep the tension out of his voice when he speaks.

“It’s not my place to judge the value of a life. I take care of the wounded, no matter who they are, and that’s it. I’ll leave the decisions to you leaders.” He can’t stop himself from adding, “And this little guy right there probably helped save my life and that of my squad. The least I can do is make sure they don’t keel over and die because of it.”

He lets go of the Dreg and sighs. Rising to his feet, he tears of the gloves and throws them at the nearest trash can. He should look over his squad, make sure everyone got the medical attention they needed, but it feels wrong to leave the crippled Fallen as is. Not like there’s anything more he could do for them.

Mithrax stops him before he can leave with a hand hovering near his arm, careful not to touch. He reaches under his cloak and takes out a small canister. It glows a faint purplish-blue at the edges and Sam draws back when he realizes what it is. Ether: the life force of the Fallen. It’s not a commodity that is freely given away, yet Mithrax presses it in his hand and nods decisively.

“Give this. Makes healing quicker. Numbs pain. Kell-strong dose, give slowly.”

“I…” Can’t accept this, he meant to say, but this isn’t just a gift. It’s a medical necessity. He’s endlessly grateful for it. “Thank you. I know you are in short supply as well.”

Mithrax shrugs. “I am Kell. Always have as much Ether as I need. And if we lack, Alliance still stands, Guardians help. Find more resources, make more. Small sacrifice. If it helps you, worth it.”

Sam covers his smile by bending over the Dreg to fit the canister into their breathing apparatus. They’ll take it off in a few minutes, take it slow as Mithrax advised.

4.

The Fallen unit leaves once their transmat zone has been repaired and their supplies replenished. Mithrax tells them he will send them reinforcement later, once they have hashed out troop deployment and, apparently, gone through alliance negotiation with other Houses who either sympathize with humanity’s fate or are interested in the protection from other Houses a large alliance offers.

It takes a month, but they do have a small Fallen troop joining them in their outpost. They’re not sure how it will work yet — some of the soldiers are still uneasy with living near Fallen but they’ll have to suck it up — but Sam is eager to see how it goes, if only because their presence might mean fewer casualties.

The first to approach the humans is a small Vandal holding a large bag. Their lower two arms seem to still be regrowing from being docked, so it must be a recent promotion. They hand the bag to Sam, who opens it to find it filled with Ether canisters. His eyes jerk up in shock. The Vandal shrugs, and through the gaps in its armor Sam glimpses the edge of a burn wound around its upper left arm, already healed.

“Kell says for you,” they say, Fallen accent heavy and awkward on the unfamiliar sounds of Terran speech. “For healing Eliksni. Your Ether. Your choice.”

From what he knows of Fallen culture, the higher ranked members of a House are the ones to choose who the Ether supply goes to — Kell and Archons. He’s not sure what it means that Mithrax would grant him the same power. But he looks at the newly minted Vandal, and decides to take it at face value. It’s a gift and a show of trust. An offer of friendship, the Fallen way.

He slings the bag over his shoulder and gestures at the Vandal. “What’s your name?”

They duck their head, clicking softly as they try to understand his words. Finally, they say, “Setres.”

“Setres. Alright. I’m gonna drop this in my tent, and then you’re going to be my interpreter while I show you where you can set camp, okay?”

It looks faintly panicked at the prospect, or maybe at the many words it doesn’t understand, and Sam can’t help a smile as it nods hesitantly.

They’re going to make it through this. All of them, one day at a time.