#i have had to go leave to have an anxiety attack in the bathroom during every single meal in the last four days

[consulaaris]

the score for my LSAT retake comes out tomorrow and i’m not having a funky fresh time lol :o)

[colorfulpumpkin]

one (1) socially anxious preschool teacher vs work holiday party at a mediocre restaurant

who will win?

[foreingersgod]

omg I saw you wrote for pb and I was wondering your take on her comforting a reader who struggles with mental health or anxiety? Tysmia && I love your work !! ❤️🤗

for any of you struggling out there, i’m here with you! if you ever need, my inbox is always open :)

Anxious . PB

pairing: paige bueckers x reader

synopsis: you’ve struggled with anxiety your entire life, but you never told anyone, including paige. during one of your bad anxiety attacks, she finally finds out.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

since you were young, about starting middle school, anxiety controlled the entirety of your life. every decision, every breathe, every moment, anxiety was driving you. it was so suffocating that you fell behind the other kids. you didn’t play sports or join clubs, nor did you hang out with friends because you feared the worst. those voices in your head, that twisted feeling in your gut made life almost unlivable.

when you graduated high school and moved away for college, the anxiety lessened. you think in some ways college helped you find yourself and for a little bit, you were living freely.

in that time, you met your girlfriend paige. you had met her through one of your mutual friends at her birthday party. paige had spotted you from across the room, completely captivated by you. you were beautiful, had the most adorable laugh, and had the most unique style she had seen. she couldn’t help but ask for your number.

the rest was history. you and paige hit it off immediately and became inseparable. when you were with paige, you felt amazing. anxiety was the last thing on your mind. talking to people became easier, leaving your house was no longer scary, life was good. your days of anxiety and panic attacks were well behind you.

but about a year into your relationship, things started to fall apart again. that particular year, you were facing a lot of hardships and it was hard to manage it all. your mother was rushed to the hospital for a minor respiratory problem, she was recovering well, but the financial burden fell to you. school was beginning to pile up as well, it felt like you were drowning in school work. things at your job had been getting worse too, you were understaffed (and underpaid) and practically running the whole place. and on top of that, it was paige’s last year at uconn and she was so stressed about the upcoming season, and you were finding it hard to balance being her support system and the rest of your life.

it was hard.

when things started to go down hill, you felt that familiar feeling creep its way back into your mind. you found that your heart was pounding more and more when you left your cozy apartment, that your thoughts weren’t your own, and that you were always worried about the future. you couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function properly at all. but you stayed optimistic, thinking that this would run its course. because you were getting better, right?

you kept all of this from paige. you were worried that she would worry and you didn’t want to make things worse. after all, you had never even told paige about your struggles with anxiety and mental health in the past and you wanted to keep it that way.

on one saturday night in june, one of paige’s teammates hosted a small get together at a quaint little restaurant with the team and their partners. everyone was stoked to see one another and catch up. normally, you would have loved this sort of thing. you used to love those types of settings, but now you were struggling to act excited about it. when paige had told you about the invite, you immediately became apprehensive.

“you excited?” she asked, telling you the details of the event “it’ll be fun”

“stoked” you managed to croak out.

when 6:00 pm rolled around, you were dressed and ready to go. paige was downstairs, keys in hand, awaiting your arrival, but you remained in the bathroom. you stared at your reflection in the mirror, trying to talk yourself down from a panic attack.

you can do this, YN, it’s gonna be ok you told yourself.

“YN!” you heard paige holler from the bottom of the stairs “we’re gonna be late, babe! are you ready?”

touching up your hair and fanning the tears out of your eyes, you rushed out of the bathroom. paige greeted you by the front door with a kiss, hands finding the small of your back and leading you out to her car.

the drive was dreadful. all you could think about was going home, thinking that something was going to go wrong and ruin your night. it had you discretely biting your nails as you looked out the car window. paige, oblivious to your agitated state, was telling you about the restaurant the get together was held at and how she was exited for you to try it. you nodded along, trying to keep yourself distracted.

after a painfully long drive to your destination, you were being escorted to the table where your party sat. you were met with toothy smiles and cheerful greetings from paige’s teammates as you arrived. paige pulled out your chair for you and sat down next to you while conversing with a few of the girls.

you were doing fine at first, only sparking up conversation with a few girls to keep your anxiety at bay. you were managing. even when the waiters began taking orders, you got through it no problem. laughter filled your small corner of the restaurant as everyone joked and talked with each other, there was absolutely nothing to be worried about.

20 minutes passed, discussion was still alive and you were getting through the night like a champ.

until the food was brought out.

the second that plate was sat in front of you, you felt the pace of your heart pick up. you didn’t know what was going on, but for some reason, the thought of eating your food in front of all of these people set you off. you hadn’t had a history of this, normally you didn’t mind eating in public. you assumed it must of been the stress of keeping food down. you stared at the steaming meal in front of you like it was some sort of extraneous creature. just the thought of lifting up the fork had you spiraling about every possible thing that could go wrong.

what if you threw up?

what if the food was raw?

what if everyone saw the way that you were eating? they’ll probably think you look funny.

your eyes welled up at the thought of it all, your head hung low to hide your dampened mood. your legs were bouncing uncontrollably to try and balance your nerves, body practically shaking from fear.

as you attempted to reserve yourself, praying no one would notice. you felt paige’s hand rest itself onto your knee, gripping it gently to halt your bouncing. she tapped the inside of your thigh, leaning in and whispering into your ear.

“hey, what’s the matter baby?” she muttered just enough for you to hear “you’re shaking”

you bit your lip harshly. fuck

you shook your head. it was all you could muster, couldn’t find the ability in your throat to produce any words. the urge to cry out for help gnawed at your chest.

before paige could question any further, you abruptly stood out of you chair. the wooden legs scraping against the black and white tile of the floor. as your back turned, rushing to the bathroom for any sort of isolation, you felt eyes burning in the back of your head. you heard paige call out for you faintly, but it was no use, you couldn’t sit at that table a moment longer.

the bathroom felt miles away as scurried past other tables. tears were streaming down your cheeks, most definitely taking your mascara with it. finally reaching the single occupant bathroom, you shut the door and locked it behind you. you were careless of the germs as you sunk to the bathroom floor in despair. knees hugged close to your chest and head buried into your arms. sobs racked your body and trepidation coursed through your veins. you were losing control of yourself.

out of the blue a knock sounded at the bathroom door. assuming it was another diner of the restaurant, you ignored it hoping they would move along. then you heard her.

“YN, are you in there? are you ok, what the hell is going on?” paige’s voice rang through the door.

“i’m fine” you hiccuped “i’ll be out in a second, i just need to pee is all”

“don’t lie to me” she said “you were shaking and sobbing when you left the table, the hell you just have to pee”

you continued to cry, loud enough for paige to hear.

“baby, please, what can i do? what’s going on, i want to help” she pleaded.

past all the pain your mind was putting you through, you yearned for paige. she made you feel so safe, the whole reason you were able to battle your anxiety in the first place. you didn’t want to rope her into this, but it was far past keeping it a secret now.

with hands still trembling, you unlocked the door and let her in. without wasting a second, she was at your side, locking the door behind her. her arms wrapped around you protectively, rubbing your back to comfort you as you fell to the floor again. she sat with you as you crawled into her. your head tucked into her chest as you cried, tears soaking into her shirt, fingers clinging to the fabric. paige tried to move the hair out of your face to get a better look at you.

“you’re scaring me, YN” a worried expression washed across her face “what can i do? who do i have to fight, huh?”

she tried to cheer you up, accepting defeat once you cried harder.

“i-i don’t-” you were struggling to speak still “i don’t even know where to start paige!”

she pulled you closer to her chest “just try baby, take your time. i’m right here with you, we’ve got all the time in the world ok. just get it all out, you’re safe”

and that was all it took for you to completely break down if front of your girlfriend. every detail from the last few days, from your past, everything about your anxiety came spilling out.

“before i met you, i had chronic anxiety. like so bad i could barely leave the house. then i moved away for school and it got better, and when i met you it pretty much went away. but you know with my mom? and school and work and now you’re in your last season with your team? it’s just been getting to me and the anxiety has started to get worse again. i can’t eat or sleep right and i feel like i’ve been losing my fucking mind, paige”

she was such an amazing listener, sitting there on the dirty bathroom floor as her girlfriend bawled into her shoulder. the whole time her eyes were glued to you, gentle fingers carefully wiping your tears away.

“why didn’t you tell me all of this? tell me about the eating and the sleeping? YN, it makes me sick imagining you going through all this alone”

“because i didn’t want you to worry and i was too embarrassed to say anything”

“well i’m worried now” she said “and embarrassed? baby…”

“i know, it’s silly, but i was just scared you’d think of me less if you knew what a mess i am when i get anxiety like this”

“i could never think less of you. ever. please know that”

“but i-”

“no, listen” she interrupted “just because you struggle with your mental health or have a hard time dealing with your anxiety doesn’t mean i’ll think anything less of you. you’re my whole world. this life and in the next, you’re my entire soul. i want nothing more than to be here for you and to help you overcome things like this. if anything, it only proves to me how strong you are and how i’m so lucky to have a girl who’s able to get through all this”

you sniffled, tears stopping as she continued “i love you, more than you know. and i’m sorry you felt like you needed to do this on your own”

you really had the best girlfriend out there. someone who loves you even through your own insecurities.

“i love you so much” you kissed her with your lips salty from the tears “thank you for being here, i don’t know what i’d do without you”

“get through all this just the same because that’s how strong you are. i’m just here to help in anyway you need” paige leaned in for another kiss, this time deeper, strong hands cradling your jaw “how about i go tell the team you’re not feeling well and we’ll go back home, eat some ice cream and watch anything you want?”

you nodded, wiping your cheeks with the back of your palm “even new girl?”

“yea baby, even new girl”

moments later, you were back in the comfort of your home. snuggled in bed next to paige, bowls of ice cream on your lap, the tv buzzing in the background.

you could finally breathe again, you just needed your girl.

[after-witch]

Horrorfest: And Be Immortal [Yandere Dabi x Reader]

Title: And Be Immortal [Yandere Dabi x Reader]

Synopsis: "I think I'm being haunted," you say. "By the ghost of my dead best friend."

For Horrorfest request:

Dabi with the movie Candyman?

Word Count: 1084

notes: yandere, implied kidnapping

“I think I’m being haunted.” 

The words come out so fast that you’re not entirely sure that your friend heard them at first, until she gives you a look that is a mixture of pity, confusion  and--maybe you’re imagining it--curiosity. 

“By my best friend’s ghost,” you continue, when she doesn’t say anything. You stumble a bit over the words, realizing how crazy it sounds, how out-there. Especially to your friend who has never given so much as an inkling that she believes in anything remotely supernatural. 

“He died when we were younger--there was a fire, and…” 

You shake your head, unwilling to go further. 

Your friend reaches out, touches your arm. When you look up, she’s got the softest, kindest expression on her face. A smile, subtle and warm, with a twitch of knowing anxiety behind it.

“I know something that might help.”

--

You wake up, breath hitching, sweat covering the back of your head, making your hair and pillowcase damp and uncomfortably warm. 

--

“All you have to do is say their name in the mirror three times,” your friend told you. “And they will appear to you.” She paused. “You could try to get closure. Or at least know that you’re not crazy.” She laughed a little, but the sound didn’t match her expression. 

It was your turn to look confused--and curious.

“My neighbor had a problem with a ghost,” she clarified. You stared, and she bit her lip. “And… so did I, once.”

You frowned. She had never mentioned it, not even once. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Your friend shrugged.

“You probably wouldn’t have believed me back then.”

You said nothing, because she was probably right on that count. You didn’t really believe in ghosts yourself until a few weeks ago. 

That was when it all started--the haunting. 

Items missing from your apartment, treasured things. Your old stuffed bear. A photo of you and Touya as children, and that hurt the most, because it was the only one you still had. 

Your mother had misplaced your photo album before you moved out, but this one, the one you kept in a frame on your bookshelf, had been spared. Admittedly, the photo frame had gotten dusty, but so had other things from your childhood.

And now it was gone. Who would take it? Not some petty thief. Nothing valuable was missing. Just your personal treasures, and trinkets.

And then there were the noises. Footsteps in the night. The sound of a cupboard opening and shutting in the morning, before you got out of bed; sometimes they were left open, and your fingers twitched while you shut them.

And… you swear, you swear this is true, you began to get the distinct feeling that you were being watched. During the night, and then during the day. While you tried to sleep. While you showered. While you ate what simple meals you threw together, unable to focus much on cooking or shopping as time went on.

If what your friend told you is true, maybe you can get some closure. 

Maybe you can ask Touya to stop haunting you. 

Maybe you can tell him you’re sorry.

--

This isn’t going to work. It can’t work. It’s stupid. It’s crazy. You’re crazy.

You take a breath, then another. You’re just anxious. You’re just… frayed.

Nothing will happen, probably, and you’ll realize that this has all just been some walking fever dream, the end-result of too much stress from university and your job and all the villain attacks in the area. Your mind has clearly retreated to the last time you felt understood, safe, comfortable; aching for the hole left by the loss of your best friend, a hole that could never be filled no matter how much dirt you tried to shovel into it.

Your fingers fumble with the matches in the darkness of the bathroom. You were tempted to leave the door open, but your friend was clear on that count: it needs to be as dark as possible when you complete the ritual. 

There’s the telltale sound of the match strike, the faint scent of sulfur. And then the match is lit and you quickly hold it down towards the tea candles you set up on the bathroom counter. When they’re lit, the bathroom is less dim, but no less frightening. If anything, the flickering candlelight bouncing off the walls gives the room (and your reflection) a strangeness that makes your chest tighten.  

Just… do it. Do it and get it over with, and if nothing happens, then you can call a therapist to work through your clearly ongoing grief and stress issues. But if it does work, then maybe… maybe.

You exhale, closing your lips a little, and look straight into the mirror. 

“Touya… Touya… Touya.”

A moment, then another. Then another. 

But the reflection in the mirror doesn’t change. There is no rippling, no blurring, no appearance of the ghost of your dead friend. Nothing at all, except your own tired face and the flickering yellow-orange light of candles. 

A low ache blooms in your chest. What were you expecting? That his ghost would show up in the mirror and forgive you for not being there for him, forgive you for letting his picture get dusty, forgive you for living the life he never did? 

You scoff at yourself, at the ember-lit reflection in the mirror.

And then the bathroom door behind you creaks open, and every nerve in your body stands on edge.

The reflection in the mirror does change, then. Not replacing yours but showing a figure standing behind you. Not just a figure--

Touya is standing behind you.

Only his hair is black and he is burnt and it’s Touya, Touya, Touya burnt from the fire and here to drag you to hell or drive you crazy or something incomprehensible in between.  

You turn, slowly, aware of his reflection in the mirror, aware of the way adrenaline has taken away your ability to feel your body.

“Touya,” you say, voice hoarse. I’m sorry, how are you, why are you here, why have you been haunting me--all these words stick to the roof of your mouth.

The specter grips your wrists with all-too-warm hands, and oh, oh, this is not a specter but flesh and blood before you, something twisted and wrong but wholly alive.

“Not anymore,” he breathes out, and he smells of sulfur and ash. 

The candles behind you all snuff into darkness at the same time. 

[lucyandalexiafan]

It’s Lucy | Lucy Bronze x reader

Summary: reader has a panic attack and Lucy tries to comfort her.

Warnings: angst; allusion to past violent/abusive relationship with family/partner.

Words: 1.9k

I sit against the radiator of the bathroom.

Same place where I sat as a child, when I cried hiding myself in the same type of room and behind that door.

That door that I was forced to close in silence so that no one would know I was inside, leaving only the small light on the cabinet.

I always ended up in the same position.

Back against the radiator.

Head on knees.

Arms holding the legs to the chest, the calves against the thighs.

It's the same position I have now.

And, like then, the chest twists on itself due to the sobs.

Tears running down my cheeks.

I bite my lip until it bleeds in an attempt to hold back the laments, the noises.

Like when I was a kid and didn't want to disturb anyone.

But now I'm alone, at home.

In another city.

In another country.

But that anxiety never goes away.

That fear of being heard.

That fear of being discovered.

That fear of making the situation worse.

Lucy isn't there.

She is at the Barcelona camp, somewhere around Portugal.

Jona had allowed me not to go.

He had seen how bad I was, how badly I was playing, and he had asserted that my mental health was more important.

He had insisted that I was supposed to stay in Barcelona, at home.

So why do I feel so guilty?

I had put my phone on not disturb mode and the only thing I have done during these days as an attempt to communicate was reply to his text every night.

I'm okay.

No more words, no less.

It didn't matter what he wrote to me.

It didn't matter what he was talking about.

It didn't matter what photo he sent me of the team.

I didn't answer anything other than I'm okay.

It didn't matter if it was a lie.

I hadn't checked the messages and calls from Lucy, from Alexia, from the team.

I was, and am, too scared to read them.

To confront the disappointment they feel about me not being with them.

For my having stayed at home.

For my not being enough.

The fear of finding out that Lucy is mad at me makes me nauseous every time.

So I can't look at them.

Read them.

Answer to the calls.

And also because I hadn't heard my voice since she left and it wouldn't surprise me to know that it's gone.

Since Lucy had left I had spent the days at home, alternating between the living room and the bedroom.

A sense of nausea, fear, discomfort pervaded my body since the first second that I was alone.

Preventing me from eating.

Preventing me from going out.

Preventing me from doing anything other than lying still.

Lucy had left, she was forced to leave, having no justification not to.

Mapi was injured, so she was in Barcelona.

She had tried to convince me to open the door of the house: she had camped out on the landing of the floor all the first night, until the next morning the old woman from the flat next to mine had threatened to call the police if she didn't leave.

Three days had passed.

I didn't expect her to come back.

I love her, we are friends, but I never thought I deserved that treatment, that attention, that try one more time.

And, in the end, she had only confirmed my idea, my feeling of not being enough.

My nails penetrate the flesh of my calves.

My hands crush the skin.

I feel dirty.

Useless.

How is it possible that I can't even do my job anymore?

The house lock clicks.

I gasp in fright.

I hold my body even tighter as if this could protect me.

I will not move.

I don't know who they are, but it's not important.

I'm not important.

I hear footsteps.

The sound of an object being thrown to the ground.

The sounds of some doors being opened.

Are they thieves?

It does not make sense, it's still evening.

Maybe it's Lucy.

But why didn't she call me?

I bite my lip.

Then I hear the bathroom door open.

“Amor”

I huddle in on myself.

I try to disappear, to merge with the radiator.

Is she angry?

Does she want to hurt me?

I close my eyes.

“Amor”

I whine.

The pain in the chest increases more and more.

I hear her sit on the floor.

“Don't hurt me, please”

I hear her holding her breath.

“Amor, look at me”

I shake my head.

“I'm sorry Lucy… I'm sorry, I really am - I moan, blood dripping down my calves - I swear… it wasn't enough, but I tried”

There is silence.

Why doesn't she scream?

Why doesn't she hit me?

I feel arms hugging me.

I squirm.

I try to move her away, to push her away.

I don't deserve this affection.

I can't even do my job.

Study.

Leave the house.

Why doesn't she hit me?

Her hair touches my nose.

My forehead against the crook of her neck.

She says something to me but I can't hear it.

The noise in my head is too loud.

The noise of the beats, of the tachycardia, invades the ears.

A dull, constant, fast sound.

I tell her that I can't hear, that I can't understand.

I hold her tight.

My nails dug into the sleeve of her arm.

My tears wet her shirt.

She asks me if she can medicate me.

The worried, sweet voice.

I don't answer, scared at the idea that it's an excuse to leave.

To hurt me.

She asks it again, telling me that she would like to treat my calves.

I swallow saliva.

I grip her forearm tightly.

Two of her fingers rest against my chin.

They force it upwards.

Her eyes fixed on mine.

“Everything will be fine, you just have to cooperate with me, okay?”

I look at her scared.

“Please… Please don't hurt me”

Her gaze softens even more.

She tells me that the only thing she will do to me is medicate me, that she won't hurt me.

She then walks away towards the medicine cabinet.

She opens it and takes out a first aid kit.

The one where there are gauzes, disinfectant, plasters and everything else.

She approaches again.

“Now, every time I do something I'll tell you, so you know what's going on and you can stop me if you need to, okay?”

Will she stop or is she lying?

I nod slightly, too weak to protest, to oppose her.

She opens the kit and I flinch at the sound of the zipper opening.

She soaks a piece of cotton with some disinfectant.

“Amor, can you stretch your legs a little? This will make it easier to disinfect the cuts"

I don't respond, I just execute.

She asks me to leave them slightly bent, so that they don't touch the ground.

I feel the sting of disinfectant on a cut.

I groan in pain, sucking air between my teeth.

Her other hand touches my knee, the thumb caressing the skin.

“I'm sorry, I swear - I whisper, scared, hesitating when her eyes look into mine - I didn't think... I'm so sorry”

“Amor, don't worry” she whispers before chastely kissing my knee.

Then she continues, wound by wound, to disinfect me.

Why does she disinfect them?

Why is she so caring?

I don't deserve it.

I know it, and I bet she knows it too.

If she wants to hurt me why does she medicate me?

“I think it's better to not cover them, so they'll dry quickly, okay?”

I nod.

I no longer look into her eyes.

I look at her hands.

They are stained with my blood.

They smell of disinfectant.

The air smells of disinfectant.

Is she angry?

Why is she so sweet?

So loving?

I bite my lip.

Her shirt is stained with disinfectant.

Or maybe it's blood?

The spot is dark, small.

“Can you get up? So we can go to bed."

I plant a hand against the floor, but as soon as I try to get up I feel my strength fail.

I shake my head moaning softly.

I curl up in fear that she will hit me.

That she will start screaming.

Will she hurt me for this?

I close my eyes in terror as she approaches me, her arms raised towards me.

“Can I pick you up so I can take you to bed?”

I watch her.

Eyes widening.

She-

That's why she is so caring.

Of course.

Why did I believe there was no ulterior motive?

How could I be so stupid?

How long was she at the camp?

A week?

Is that why she medicated me?

Because then we can go to bed and-

I push myself towards the radiator

The fear that it will happen again, that she will hurt me too, invades my body.

The memories that come back to mind.

My hands hold my legs, my back pressed against the radiator.

“Please… don't hurt me - she looks at me confused, her lips parted - We-we will do it, I swear - I gasp in terror - but not now, I beg you. I-I don't feel I can do it."

She looks at me.

The confusion in her eyes.

She hesitates, pulling her arms back against her body.

“I just want to make you lie down, you can't stay on the floor all evening” her voice worried.

Maybe scared of my reaction.

“We won't do anything, I promise - I look at her - I just wish you were in a more comfortable place”

I look at her trying to figure out if she's lying about herself.

Maybe she really just meant-

“You won't hurt me?” I ask hesitantly.

She shakes her head.

Her lips parted.

“I would never hurt you, amor”

A hint of urgency in her voice.

Can I trust her?

It's Lucy.

I can trust Lucy.

Right?

It's Lucy.

The sweet girl who gave me Lego flowers because she had seen them in a store and she had thought of me.

The loving girl who always hugs me because she knows that physical contact is the only thing that calms my anxiety.

The caring girl who always orders my favorite pizza when she understands that I'm having a bad day.

It's Lucy.

With her transparent glasses, nose piercing and freckles.

I bite my lip.

The tears welling up in my eyes.

Why do I always ruin everything?

She'll dump me after this.

She won't want to deal with me anymore.

I look at her again.

I know that if she tries to hurt me I won't stop her.

I will cry, but I won't fight her.

I don't have the force to do it.

Ever since I ran away from that house I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone hurt me or hit me, but the reality is that now it is so difficult to fight, to oppose, her.

I nod.

She's right, I can't spend all night on the floor.

In one way or another, we will end up in that bed together.

In one way or another, if she wants, she will find the opportunity to hurt me.

Her arms lift me up.

One under the crook of the knees, one under the middle of the back.

I instinctively push myself against her chest.

My hands clutching the fabric of her t-shirt.

The tears that wet it.

“I-I'm sorry Lucy”

She places me on the bed.

She kisses my forehead, then my nose.

“Don't think about it now, - she kisses my nose again - Whatever happened, it doesn't matter. I love you” she whispers, before lying down next to me, covering us with the blankets and hugging me.

It's Lucy.

I'm not sure that the way I wrote the allusions to Reader's past life is correct: in my native language they work, but I'm not familiar enough with English to know 100/100 if the way I wrote them is correct. If they are wrong please point it out to me, explain me what is the correct way and I will change them (so I can learn for the next time too). Thank you so much:)

[crxss01]

hello!! may i request reader and e42 miles watching a horror movie together

— Night Of Terror

pairing ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ 42!miles morales x reader

summary ⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ watching a scary during the night is bad, watching a scary movie with miles is worse.

warnings ✧˖ ° cursing, miles scaring you.

m. list, main m. list.

translations ✧࿓☾ princesa: princess, bonito: handsome/pretty boy, cálmate: calm down, solo era una broma: it was just a joke/prank, todo esta bien, chiquita: everything is okay, little one.

a/n . . ◟੭ hey, sweet anon! i’m sorry for making you wait so long, but i hope this makes up for it! enjoy!

"look behind you, dumb bitch!"

at this point you were yelling at the main character because she was acting stupid, even though you knew she was going to be the final girl because of plot armor.

"princesa, watch the movie." miles told you for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"i'am watching the movie." you complained.

"then stop talking."

you ignored him. "why are you following the sound!" you started hitting the bed from the anxiety you were feeling. "turn your ass back around and run the fuck out of there!"

"mami!"

"sorry," you apologized but then the girl acted up right on that moment. "don't go in there! stop!"

"mamita, please.." miles begged.

you didn't hear him, already lost watching the movie and you regretted picking that moment to really focus in it without your talking because a jump-scare scene happened, making you jump and pull the blankets up to cover your face.

miles started laughing at your reaction acting as if he didn’t flinch as well.

“you do know i saw that, right?” you raised an eyebrow.

“you didn’t see shit.”

you rolled your eyes, and went back to watching the movie. a couple of times you would speak and miles would tell you to shut up.

that irritated you, but you sat quietly for a few minutes just watching the movie until your bladder felt like it was going to explode.

"ok, pause it." you told miles, standing up. "bathroom break."

"it just got to the good part." miles groaned.

"pause it, miles." you warned him. "and you're coming with me."

miles paused the movie and glared at you. "i ain't going with you, man up."

"what happened to me being your princess?" you questioned.

miles rolled his eyes. "fine, i'll go with you. but only because i love you too much to stay mad for long."

"why would you even be mad for? i just spoke a couple of times."

"exactly, mami." miles stood up, walking in the direction of the bathroom with you. "it's so annoying."

“you get annoyed so easily.” you shook your head and walked inside the bathroom then turned to miles. “wait right there, don’t leave me alone.”

“ok, ma.”

you closed the door, leaving it six inches ajar and wen to the toilet to do your business. after doing so you washed your hands and dried them before going to open the door only to not find miles there.

“bonito, are you serious?” you groaned, thinking he went back to the bedroom.

you made your way to the bedroom, ready to beat up miles for leaving you alone in the bathroom. “miles gonzalo morales, you little piece of—” you started to say when you opened the door only to see he wasn’t there. “miles?” you called out and even turned on the lights to check if he was under the bed or something.

“miles?” you went to the living room, looking everywhere including the kitchen but there wasn’t a sight of miles. “you better show yourself right now!”

you started to think he might have left for some prowler business after a few minutes went by.

“really, miles…” you sighed.

“mami!” you heard his voice called out, but he sounded like he was in pain.

you immediately dashed to the kitchen where his voice had come from. there he was in his prowler suit, his stomach covered in blood and his mask off.

“what the hell happened?!” you asked, kneeling beside him.

“i was— i was attacked.” he started to say, heavy breathing and voice breaking.

“by who?” you started to freak out the longer you saw the blood staining his suit.

“it was… it was..” he couldn’t even speak.

“i’m calling an ambulance.” you went to stand up but then remembered the reason why he was in this state and kneeled back down. “no ambulance, right.”

your hands were shaking as you put pressure where you thought the wound was.

“who did it?” you asked him, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“it was…” miles sighed.

“stay with me, okay?” you encouraged. “keep talking.”

“it was… la llorona.” miles bursted out laughing.

you sat there in disbelief as you watched the boy you were just worrying about, laugh like a hyena.

“wait,” you put both hand up standing up. “that’s fake?” you pointed at his stomach.

“of course, mami.” miles chuckled, wiping the corners of his eyes as he stood up as well. “as if someone could ever hurt me that much.”

the anger started to build up inside of you and you started hitting miles, yelling and cursing at him for making you worry. angry tears also fell from your eyes and you couldn’t help it because why would he scare you like that when he knew how much you worried about his prowler life.

“cálmate, princesa.” he said, grabbing your fists in his hands. “solo era una broma.”

“you scared me, miles.” you buried your head in his chest.

“i’m sorry, mami.” he apologized. “i’ll never do something like that again, i promise.” he kissed the top of your head, wrapping his arms around you.

“never, okay?” you reminded, voice muffled by his chest.

“todo está bien, chiquita.” miles said.

after a moment the tears stopped along with the shaking and miles spoke again. “you want to get back to watching the movie?”

“no.”

taglist: @anikaluv @janaeby @queerponcho @laylasbunbunny @onginlove @all444miles @banqnaz @missusmorales @kamisama1kiss @fiannee @sp1dercunt @milesandcorysupermacy @loonalockley @dxille @miguelslefteyebrow @axeoverblade @iheartcats34 (if you asked to be added to the taglist and you’re not on here is because your @ didn’t appear!)

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ reblogs are really appreciated!

[justmeinadaze]

Inside of Her Head (Steve X You)

A/N: This is just a little thing I wrote real quick. I'm actually experiencing this right now with my brain going a mile a minute. I literally spent 15min telling my roommate I don't want her to leave my side because I'm afraid something is going to happen to her or she's going to leave. My therapist says that's my inner child...some stuff we've been working on *sigh*. But my roommate suggested I channel this energy into something creative and thus you get this...this is what I wold love rn. Steve just holding me till I calm down and then watching a movie with me till I fall asleep <3.

Warnings: Reader experiencing an anxiety (manic) attack; Steve helps her through it

Word Count: 803

Steve comes home from work to a spotless apartment and he’s immediately on edge. Most people would be happy to come home to a clean space but not for him. When the home is this organized, something is wrong. 

“Y/N, baby? Where are you?”

No one responds but he knows you’re here, promptly going on the hunt. It doesn’t take him long to find you sitting on the bathroom floor with your knees to your chin and your hands twirling your hair as your blank eyes disassociate through him. 

You two have prepared for moments like this; you warned him when he moved in. It still doesn’t take away the guilt that bubbles in your stomach when you finally notice him as he places himself on the floor cross-legged in front of you. 

“Hey, Stevie. When…When did you get home?”

“A couple of minutes ago.”, he answers softly as his eyes continue to scan you over. “How was your day, honey?”

Your hands shake in front of you as your fingers seem to drum the air, moving without any real thought as your anxious eyes sift through memories. 

“It was good. It was good. I-I-I cleaned. I had only meant to clean the kitchen but then I thought you would want to relax in the living room when you got home so I tidied up in there but then I noticed your movies were out of whack and I thought it would be fun to organize them buy genre for our next movie night. When I finished that, I was going to lay down and nap but I couldn’t stop thinking about how the bathroom has been really messy lately and you know how I’ve been slacking on that…”

Steve listened to your rambling with the patience of a saint. Your lips were moving a mile a minute but he didn’t need to follow everything to know what was going on. Some days your brain just wasn’t 100%. Some days the medicine didn’t always help or something triggered an episode for you that had you like this. 

You tried explaining it to him before but he never truly understood until he experienced one with you himself. You sobbed on the bedroom floor, crying about fears that he would never allow to happen. He didn’t know you during your trauma so he couldn’t be there for you then but he could definitely keep you safe now physically and emotionally. 

“Baby girl, look at me.”, he cooed as he placed his palms out for you to take, grinning when you did. “I want you to inhale for me. That’s my good girl…and exhale. Good.”, he soothed as his thumbs tenderly massaged your skin. 

“Everything got so loud, Steve. I couldn’t…”, you shook your head as the tears fell before he scooted a bit closer to where you were.

“What triggered it this time? Do you know?”

You shook your head again. 

“I just…had this voice in my head…that says I don’t deserve you. That you’re going to leave me here alone just like everyone else. Today…it was so loud…”

“It’s ok, sweetheart. Breathe in again for me…and out again. Good, pretty girl. You’re doing so good.”, he smiled as he reached up to caress your cheek before taking your hand again. “Y/N, I love you so much. I’ve never met another girl like you in my entire life. You are beautiful, sweet, so talented and so smart, baby. There’s no one in the world more perfect for me than you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Once your breathing had slowed, Steve collected you into his arms and held you to his chest as he kissed your forehead. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance. I don’t mean to be.”

“You’re not, honey, I promise. Your parents are the nuisances…making you think you aren’t enough. You are more than enough, baby. You’re everything to me and I’m always going to be here to take care of you.”

You two sat like that till your anxiety passed and you finally felt safe. After kissing his lips, he guided you into the shower where he cleaned you and washed your hair before putting you in your most comfortable pajamas and carrying you out onto the couch. 

“How about I make some dinner and we watch something EXTREMELY violent?”

You giggle as he widens his eyes and you nod. While he’s making dinner, he brings you your favorite drink and turns on one of the sitcoms that makes you laugh until everything is ready. 

“Steve. Thank you…for everything. I love you to, baby.”

Tilting his body to kiss your lips, he playfully rustles your hair and throws a blanket over your legs. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. I’m always going to be here for you; good days and bad.”

[xmalereader]

Eddie Munson X Professor! Male Reader || TWO ||

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|| Masterlist || ONE ||

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Authors Note: Here you go, hope you enjoy the angst and slow burn next part will probably the last…maybe! Also, I know Eddie is suppose to be energetic and sarcastic but let’s be honest, the man was an outcast, he watched people he know die in front of him giving him trauma and Eddie would 100% be a virgin at dating and during intimate moments. So be prepared to read so more angst Eddie trying to learn how to love. Also grammar error is mine, got to lazy to go back and make corrections.

Summary: Eddie survives the upside down and Vecna is no more. After turning back to Hawkins, the town continues to hate him and decided to leave town and find his way to college, giving himself a new future and another chance at life. He just didn’t expect himself roll around in his Professor bedsheets.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, NSFW, Eddie and reader are in their 20s, age gap, Professor reader, student eddie, 90’s, Dustin is sarcastic, mentions of the upside down, anxiety, panic attacks, kissing, dating, mentions of failure, eddie has fears, reader is a sweetheart, good boy kink, secret relationship, teasing, sexual tension, slow burn, self-esteem issues, trauma.

Word count: 5.2k

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The dining room is full of chaos, all the teenagers talking while the adults interacted with each other, talking about parties that they’ve gone too or school that they have been going too. While everyone was busy talking and eating, meanwhile. Eddie sat at the end of the large dinning table with Y/n sitting across from him from the other end.

The two were silently eating and avoiding eye contact. Their introduction was awkward between the two. Eddie didn’t expect Steve’s guest to be his literature professor, asking the older man how he knew the Harringtons y/n had told him that he and Steve were childhood friends and how their parents knew each other, both did get along but they didn’t have that strong bond that Steve had with the other adults and children.

Eddie squirms in his seat, focusing on his food. Steve had told everyone that they would be staying at his place for the first few nights before heading out to their camping spot. His parents were out of town for the whole summer break and they will be on their own. Steve was able to buy everyone take out as they ate together on the dining table.

“So,” Y/n’s voice causes Eddie to freeze. “How exactly do you all know each other?”

Steve was chewing on his chicken before swallowing his food and answering. “School and because they always got into trouble and somehow became apart of it.” Steve clearly couldn’t say that they met because of Wills disappearance and the upside down opening, instead they stuck with their story of meeting at school.

“School?”

“Yep!” Dustin pops the P with a smile, focusing back on his food.

Y/n nodded, poking his food before clearing his throat. “And you Eddie? How do you know these kids?”

Eddies eyes avert to him, noticing the raised brow. “I—I knew Dustin and his friends from high school.” He quickly says, quickly taking a drink from his water.

“High school?” Eddie can tell that he’s doing the math before saying. “Weren't you twenty? Maybe nineteen?”

“Yeah, Eddie got held back in high school. Had to repeat senior year for failing.” Dustin blurts out, causing Eddie to choke on his water and cough. Grabbing his napkin and cleaning himself up. “Mhm, got held back and repeated my senior year, became friends with some kids because why not? Anyways—I need to use the bathroom.” Eddie rambles out while standing from his seat and leaving the dinning room, focusing on finding the bathroom and locking himself inside.

Eddie leans back against the door, focusing on his breathing and trying to calm his breathing. Eddie felt upset or embarrassed that Y/n knew about his failure, he didn’t know if he would be able to stand the next few days in the same house as Y/n. Seeing his Professor every day and night, bumping into hallways or in the kitchen. His feelings for him were suppose to go away during the summer but that won’t be happening anytime soon now that he’s also here.

Eddie takes his time to collect himself until he got better, flushing the toilet so that no one knew what he was really doing. He sighs to himself and unlocks the door, pulling it open to come face to face with Y/n. He leaned back against the wall with crossed arms.

Eddie froze in his steps. Opening and closing his mouth.

“That explains why you didn’t want to fail.” He hears Y/n whisper, avoiding his gaze. Shame filled his eyes. “I thought you didn’t want to fail because you hated me and my class and would have to repeat it again but, now I understand why you didn’t want to fail.”

Eddie steps forward and closed the door behind him, remaining quiet as he lets Y/n talk.

“You were afraid of failing because of the failure you received back in high school—god dammit.” Y/n cursed, chuckling dryly as he shakes his head. “Eddie, I’m sorry if I said anything that made you feel upset.” He was quick to apologize, pushing himself off the wall and approaching Eddie slowly. The space between them growing small. Y/n reached out to gently touch his arm.

Eddie flinched from his touch, causing Y/n to remove his hand. He bites his lip in worry. “I’m sorry.” He repeats himself.

“No, no, it’s not your fault. I just—I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t know how you would react due to my setback in high school.”

“Did you really think I’d think of you as a failure?”

Eddie chuckles. “You kind of did when we first spoke.”

Y/n groans, remembering when he told Eddie that he knew who he was because he was his number one failing student. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight that day and it just came out.”

“It’s fine.” Eddie is quick to cut in, side stepping from Y/n and making his way downstairs. Y/n is left standing alone in the hall, staring at the empty spot where Eddie once stood before standing up straight and breathing out a deep sigh.

He finds his way down the stairs to meet up with the others, watching the teens sass the adults. It brought a warm feeling to Y/n’s heart, in his family it was just him and his brother. The two of them did get along but sometimes the house still felt quiet whenever one of them was gone. He sometimes felt like an only child since him and brother grew up fast and found their own paths. Right now his brother is married and living on his own while he remains here. His parents had spent majority of their time traveling around the world now that they didn’t have to worry about their own children.

“Hey Y/n,” Steve approaches him from the kitchen. “Think you’ll be fine with having us all here for the next few days?”

Y/n scoffs. “Steve this is your house and in your guest, I don’t think you need to ask for my permission.” He smiles. “But I think it’ll be fine—anyone here snore loudly?”

Steve winced, slowly turning his head to eye Lucas who was bickering with Max and Mike. Y/n laughs a little. “I’ll make sure to stay away from his room.”

“Trust me, you can hear him from miles away. But, he’s a great kid.” Steve shrugs his shoulders before heading back to the dinning room to help clear out some dishes. It felt odd watching Steve act like a parent in front of teenagers, but yet again, Steve always wanted a big family of his own.

His eyes moved to each teen and adult that sat around the table until they finally land on Eddie. He was talking to Dustin about their future D&D campaign and when they can get started. He was too busy talking to Dustin to even notice Y/n staring at him.

Eddie didn’t feel uncomfortable around his Professor, no, he felt comfortable around the man. He just didn’t trust himself being around him for such a long time, afraid that his secret about his attraction towards him will come spilling out to the point where he confesses. He didn’t want to scare the man away or do anything that’ll ruin things. Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if Y/n had gotten confessions from other students who were rejected by the popular professor. Eddie didn’t want to be another reject so, he’s gonna try his best to keep distance from his professor.

—

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You and Y/n will be sharing a room.” Steve clarifies as Eddie’s face pales in horror. “Can’t I share with Dustin or maybe Lucas? I mean, I don’t want to bother your guest.” He chucked out nervously, hoping that Steve would change his mind but the other man only shrugs his shoulders. “Lucas is getting his own space because of his snoring while Dustin claimed to bunk with me so,” he pats Eddie’s shoulder, handing him a pillow. “Rooms upstairs, first door on the left.”

Steve gives him a tight smile and leaves him alone to deal with the others arrangements. Eddie is left standing their, clutching his pillow in hand. He was suppose to avoid him and now he’s bunking with him.

Eddie didn’t have a choice but to head upstairs, his bag full of clothes in one hand and a pillow and blanket in the other. Once he reaches the room he stands outside the door for a few minutes, hesitating to knock on the door. He gives himself another minute before knocking, it felt like he was walking into Y/n’s office again.

He hears shuffling on the other side of the door, a small thump here and a whisper of curses. It takes Y/n awhile to open the door, rubbing his left leg and holding back a pained look after slamming it against the desk. “Eddie, what can I do for you?”

Eddie licks his lips. “Steve was arranging the sleeping conditions and told me that I’d be sharing with you tonight, did he not tell you?”

“No! I mean yes, he did let me know—sorry I’ve been distracted.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair and opening the door wider for Eddie to come inside. Once Eddie steps inside he sets his bag near the closet before scanning the room. Or was spacious and it held a private bathroom, it looked more like a master bedroom due to the size. As he continued to look around the room his eyes land on the bed.

There was only one bed and two of them.

Eddie swallows nervously. “I’ll take the floor.” He quickly says, kicking his bag aside and make some room. “No, Eddie the bed is big enough for the two of us.” Y/n exclaimed, stopping him from lying on the floor.

“But—wouldn’t it be weird?”

“What would?”

“Sharing a bed, with your student.”

Y/n turns to stare at the bed before facing Eddie. “We’re not in class Eddie. Your not my student and I’m not your professor, we’re just two normal people who happen to know Steve and are taking a vacation in Hawkins.” He explains to him, taking Eddie’s pillow and tossing it on the bed. “Will face our backs together if it’ll make you comfortable.” He suggested.

Eddie thinks about it before agreeing, padding along with the idea of sharing a bed but making sure that their was space between them. The bed is big enough for the two of them so Eddie wouldn’t have to worry too much. He walks over to his bag and unzips it, pulling out some clothes to sleep in. He’s the first to use the bathroom, leaving Y/n on his own to make the adjustments on the bed. While Eddie takes his time changing, once he’s finished and steps out he can’t help but grown nervous.

He breaths softly and tells himself that it’s only for a week, he can handle a few nights in the same bed as Y/n. He can do that, right?

“You can pick a side.” He hears Y/n voice next to him. The older man stood next to him, nodding towards the bed as Eddie claims the left side. He climbs under the sheets and pulls them over his neck, keeping himself covered and closed up. Y/n chuckles quietly, getting into his own side and pulling the covers him, he makes sure to turn off the lamp next to his bedside. The room going dark and quiet.

The only thing heard is the soft muffled voices downstairs, the others still getting ready for bed while Y/n lied on his back staring at the ceiling and Eddie on his side, his back facing his professor. The two are quiet for the first ten minutes, the situation was slowly growing uncomfortable to the point where Eddie didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep at all.

The tension between them grew until Y/n whispered softly. “Does Steve know?”

Eddie raised a brow, glancing over his shoulder. “Know?”

“About us, about our situation and relation.” He clarified for Eddie.

Eddie shifts back in place, facing the wall. “Not that I know of, no.” He whispers back. “Honestly I don’t think Steve would really care—you did say this was our vacation, we’re not at the university. I’m no longer your student and your no longer my professor.”

Y/n knew that eddie was right, they were no longer at the university, meaning that the two of them being here didn’t really affect them as much. The two knew the same person they were friends with and staying at the same house, nothing more.

“Right.” He whispers out, glancing to Eddie for a short while before turning on his side, also facing his back to Eddie. For the rest of the night they keep their distance and are able to get some sleep before sunrise hit them.

Eddie expected things to get better the next morning but they never did. He couldn’t stop bumping into Y/n, wherever he went he was there and he couldn’t find a way to avoid him. Spending the next few nights together in the same bed only complicated the feelings he has for his Professor.

It was his third day at the Harringtons household and he couldn’t stand sleeping another night with his Professor. Which is why he’s standing in a motel office, asking for any available rooms.

“I’m sorry darling, but we don’t have anything available.” The young women behind the desk says with a sad smile.

“Do you by any chance have anything in the next few weeks out?” He asks, more like begs for a room to be free.

She checks the log again before sighing to herself. “I’m sorry, the earliest we have is next month. It’s summer break and everyone is on vacation and had booked rooms ahead of time. I’m really sorry.” She says again, not able to help him with his troubles.

Eddie gives her a polite smile and excuses himself, leaving the office with a frown on his face before getting on the van. He could try to head further out of town to look for another motel but the drive back and forth wouldn’t be worth it. Instead he drives himself back to Harringtons place and parks the van on the drive before stepping out to see Will and Mike checking on the tents and making sure they are big enough and have all the completed parts.

“Hey you two, how’s the check up going?” He asks, walking over to them as he placed his hands on his hips and watched them work. “The tents big enough for two people and we’ve got all the parts too—“ said Will.

“Expect for the cover that goes on top in case it rains.” Mike cuts in, folding up the tent and putting it back in its bag. Eddie frowns, “We can use a tarp and place it over. I mean, we don’t water going in so we improvise.” Eddie didn’t do much camping as a kid. He was too busy being around when his parents argued with each other to the point where he was left at his uncles who actually cared and loved him, the old man didn’t hesitate to raise him.

“Will see if Steve even has a tarp.” Mike rolls his eyes as he stands up and walks further into the garage to check. Eddie hums to himself before making his way inside the house, hearing everyone’s bickering and laughing. Eddie has grown used to the loud noise between his friends, it made him feel comfortable, made him feel like he was home.

Eddie stood on the middle of the living room, looking around to see what he can do to help out with the camping trip and what else they needed to pack up. Before he can head into the kitchen to help Nancy and Jonathan with getting the food packed up. He’s grabbed by the back of his shirt collar and dragged away from the others, startling him as he looks over his shoulder to see Y/n walking down an empty area of the house and shoving him inside the room.

“Hey—what the hell?!” Eddie exclaims as he stumbled inside, hearing the door lock behind him as he turns around to face a very angry Professor. “Want to explain to me why Steve told me that you were switching rooms with Dustin?” He asks.

“I—I didn’t switch with anyone.”

“Oh please, Eddie your like an open book. I can read you easily and you’re a terrible liar.” He grits out, stepping forward as he asks. “Eddie, if I make you uncomfortable just tell me, don’t run away.”

“You don’t make me uncomfortable.”

“Then what is it?” Y/n takes another step forward, backing Eddie up against the wall as he stands in his space. Eddie turns his head to the side, avoiding his gaze and focusing on his shoes. “It’s just—“ Eddie shakes his head, growing nervous as his hands began to shake. He rubs them together to try and make the nerves go away but nothing was working.

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, it’s just—I don’t trust myself to be around you because I’m afraid—“

Y/n gently reaches up, listening to Eddie ramble as his fingers grazed against his cheek, using his thumb to stroke his jaw. Eddie was too distracted to even know what was going on.

“—I don’t know how to react around you or what to say, I mean I’m your student and your my professor and being here feels a little weird, not because you ruined the trip or something it’s not because of that it’s because I’m afraid of letting out my confessions and I don’t want to upset you or do anything that’ll get you upset—“

Eddie was hyperventilating, he felt the room closing in on him and he couldn’t breath. He couldn’t hear Y/n’s voice tying to calm him down. He feels his hands against his skin, pressing their foreheads together as he whispers. “It’s alright Eddie, just breath—focus on my voice. Breath in and out.”

He shakes his head in panic, nothing was working. He felt like he was drowning and he couldn’t move or feel anything.

“I—I can’t.” Eddie chokes out. His eyes going wide as they fill with tears. He can’t even concentrate or process the thought of his own Professor kissing him. His breath hitching as he feels Y/n’s lips sealed against his, gripping his jaw in his hands as he backs Eddie against the wall, caging him in. His eyes grow wide at the sudden movement. All of a sudden he the panic inside of went away and a new one washed over him. His own professor was kissing him and he didn’t know what to do or say.

Eddies body language was enough for Y/n to take notice that he was no longer panicking. He slowly pulls away, his nose gently nudging against Eddie’s before licking his lips and giving Eddie some space. The two are panting, hot breaths against each other as Y/n clears his throat.

“Sorry, Nothing was working and you were calming down. I heard that kissing can help sometimes.” Y/n mumbled out, his hand releasing his jaw and giving it one last stroke before stepping away. “Is it true?”

Eddie furrowed his brows in confusion. “What is?”

“Your confession, is it true?”

Eddie feels his face heat up, embarrassment washing over him. He can’t lie to him now, y/n could easily read him and know when he’s lying. He’s never going to see Y/n again, maybe in the hallways and at Steve’s place but after that he will be back with his uncle, far away from everyone else and alone again. He sighs to himself and gives off a slow nod.

“Yes.” He whispers, avoiding his gaze. “I—I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t know how you would react. But now you know.”

“Eddie—“

“It’s fine, I understand your rejection so let’s pretend like nothing ever happened.” Eddie pushed himself off the wall and walks passed him towards the door. “Thank you.” He mumbled out in a soft whisper, escaping the room they are in together and slamming the door behind him. He heads to the living room where he finds majority of the teens watching television. “Hey, are you guys done checking up?”

“Yeah, where were you?” Dustin questions, tilting his head back to look at Eddie upside down. Eddie smiles at Dustin. “I was doing my own checking, just want to make sure you little twerps have everything because I swear, I saw you and Lucas arguing about forgetting some stuff.” He teased out, earning himself an elbow to the ribs.

Eddie laughs, sitting down next to Dustin as he looks over at the television to watch whatever they were watching. He pulls his knees up to his chest and tries to keep himself focused on whatever they were watching and not try to think about Y/n. The kiss kept coming back to him like a memory, he still remembers how soft and gentle the kiss was and how Y/n held him close.

He feels himself blush and shakes the image out of his head. He only kissed him as a way to help with his panic attack, helping him breath again. But now, he doesn’t know what to do for the next few days out now that he’s kissed his Professor and confessed to him about his feelings. He for sure, can never share a room with him again.

They spent majority of their day watching movies and shows until the teens all fell asleep in the living room. Steve tells them that it’s best to let them sleep here then sending them to their rooms so, Eddie helps out with covering them up and making sure they are comfortable before turning off the tv.

“Hey, Dustin and I usually shared rooms, do you want to share the room tonight or would you like to be on your own?” Steve asks, standing next to Eddie as he watched him help Dustin remove his hat. “I uh, I can take a room on my own if that’s alright?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll be sleeping alone too, taking advantage since these little brats will be sleeping here.” Steve whispers with a grin as he tiptoes away from the kids. Eddie stays behind for a bit before making his way upstairs, before he can enter the empty room that Dustin slept in he’s quick to remember that he left his stuff inside Y/n’s room.

“Dammit.” Eddie glanced at the door behind him, the nearest one to the stairs. He stares at it for a few seconds before making up his mind on getting his Stuff. If he wants to sleep comfortable he’s gonna have to get his clothes back.

Trudging over he knocks on the door, giving it two light knocks before it’s swung open. Revealing a shirtless Y/n who only wore some sweats. Eddie doesn’t notice that he’s staring, he expected Y/n to have a little muscle, maybe, but instead he was lean. He did look fit but it was hidden underneath his clothes.

“I just came to get my stuff.” He mumbled, pointing to the bag next to the closet. Y/n nods and let’s Eddie inside, closing the door behind him as he focused on his own task, getting the bed ready for himself.

Eddie focuses on packing up his clothes and shoving it inside the duffel bag, ignore the movements Y/n made behind him. Hearing him shuffle next to him as he holds out on of Eddie’s shirts to him. “Don’t forget this.” He says in a soft tone, the same tone that Eddie fell in love with when he first stepped inside his classroom.

Eddie looks over and takes the shirt from him hand. “Thank you.” He politely says, shoving it inside his bag too.

The two remain silent while Eddie continued to pack away.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Eddie froze at his words. Zipping up his bag and coming to a stand, turning to face Y/n. “How come?” He has a feeling that he’s the reasoning as to why he’s leaving. He must’ve freaked him out with his confession that he’s leaving town.

“Because you’ll be here after your camping trip and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me around. So, I’m gonna let Steve know tomorrow that I’ll be leaving—find myself another place to stay for the summer.” Y/n removes the covers from his bed, sitting down and rubbing his eyes.

“You can’t just leave, I won’t be here after I get back I’ll be in my room at a motel. If I can find one.” Eddie should’ve booked a room ahead of time but after today he won’t be lucky enough to find a room soon. He’ll probably have to stay here with Steve if he allows him too or else he’ll have to go further out of town just to find himself a place to stay for the month.

“Besides, I’ve already told you that you don’t make me uncomfortable it’s me who makes you uncomfortable—“

“Who said you made me uncomfortable?” Y/n raises a brow.

Eddie shrugs. “I thought you did after I confessed.”

Y/n is up from the bed, walking over to Eddie and startling the poor man as he chuckles. “I was never uncomfortable around you. Don’t you want my honesty, Eddie?” There standing face to face, their chests brushing against each other as Eddie breaths heavily.

“Every time we spent together in my office I enjoyed every minute of it. I liked listening to you talk about your friends, who I finally met, and the way you spoke about your future. I enjoyed those talks, I’ve never told anyone about my family since were complicated and not that interesting but you sat back and listened to me ramble about my annoying brother and how my parents treated us like golden children.” Hs breaths out, leaning down to press their foreheads together. Eddie leans into the touch and swallows nervously.

“When I offered to grade your paper I was honestly hoping you would fail so that I could see you again. But, instead you passed and I knew that I’d never talk to you again and that you’ll be graduating next year.” He brushes their noses together. “Then I saw you again—standing at Steve’s doorstep. I didn’t know if I should’ve been excited to see you or to continue pretending.”

Eddie was taking it all in, hearing his own confessions and truths. He didn’t know how to feel, he imagined that they could be a thing one day but he always told himself that it would never happen. He was a student and he was his professor, if anyone found out about them it could end things. Eddie could be seen as a freak or an outcast again and Y/n—fuck. Y/n could end up losing his whole career all because he wanted to be with him.

“Eddie.” Y/n whispers, his hand trailing up his side and giving it a soft squeeze, he was caged in again. The wall against his back and his chest against Y/n’s, he could feel his heartbeat, if he was quiet enough he swears he could hear it.

“As much as I want too we can’t.” Eddie shakes his head, placing his hand on his wrist and pulling him away. “I can’t be the one to ruin everything for you.”

Y/n groans, taking Eddie by the wrist and pulling him froward causing him to yelp in surprise as he shoved down on the bed, y/n hovering over him. “For you I’ll risk anything.”

Eddie blushes, looking away flustered and not knowing what to say.

He hears Y/n chuckle. “Look at you all flustered, you can’t even look at me in the eyes.”

Eddie groans, pulling away from his grip. “That’s enough.” He tries to get his but is shoved back down. “I’m serious.” Y/n’s voice is stern. “I want this, I want us.” His fingers graze against his jaw, placing his hand against his cheek as he stroked his thumb over his lips. Eddie shudders, staring up at him.

“Can I ask one thing.” Eddie sighs, closing his eyes. “Why?”

Y/n placed a small kiss against the corner of his mouth and mumbled. “Because you’re you. I’ll always love you for that.”

Eddie was afraid of what he might say. It was the most selfish thing Eddie could do, but he leans forward and kissed Y/n clumsily but ardently, over and over again.

At first, Y/n resisted, teasing him. But as Y/n moved then up the bed, his hand underneath Eddie’s bottom as he carried him further up the bed before dropping him down he finally dives down to capture Eddie slips into a heated kiss. It’s terrifying how much Eddie frowns deeply into it. Biting and sucking each others lips, exploring mouths. Y/n’s knee finds it’s way perfectly between the brunets legs, his hands hold his shoulders, keeping him in place.

Soon enough they run out of air, and Y/n pulls away. Panting, he stares at those brown eyes in front of him. Then it clicks. Suddenly sad eyes at staring back at him, he panics and pulls Eddie close with his arm wrapped around him and holding him near. He feels Eddie bury his face into his neck as he final sobs, letting go of all the years full of loneliness and desperation. Eddie didn’t know how to process things feelings, he was kissed this way before and he’s never had anyone like him. Being the towns ‘freak’ caused him to lose a lot of confidence in himself, no one ever spoke to him or even glanced an eye. He was outcast, an outsider and that’s all he was.

So, to be held by someone who actually wanted him for him was causing him to break down. Eddie was letting himself go, letting out these feelings that he kept hidden for years.

He feels Y/n’s fingers run through his hair, holding him in his arms as he whispered soft words to him. “It’s alright, just take your time.” He whispered, lying them down properly with Y/n on the left side, holding Eddie close and placing soft kisses on his head. Eddies grip around him for stronger, afraid that this was all in his head, that he was dreaming and will probably wake up soon with him lying in an empty bed.

“I’m here.” Y/n whispered. “You can talk to me or not talk to me, but I’m here.”

The reassurances was enough for Eddie to know that this was real and that he wouldn’t wake up alone.

——————————————————————————

Tags: @guiltofpleasures @qlqstqr @ur-moms-used-tampon101 @drspencerreid921 @ewf1nn @ziggys-guitar @alexs-playground @vesta0

[nickfowlerrr]

pretty when you cry - prologue

series masterlist / chapter one

*originally posted to @bellareadsandrecs on 01/23/22*

pairing: dark!biker!bucky x curvy!reader (dark!soulmate au)

warnings: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. body insecurities, public humiliation, mentions of panic attacks, anxiety. future chapters will contain noncon/dubcon smut. 18+ ONLY.

words: 1.6k

notes: short little prologue to get this set up. let’s see how this goes. 🙂

This is a DARK series!!! Please proceed with abundant caution!

Two years ago

“Oh, honey, did you really think I was serious?” His dark voice laughed.

You couldn’t breathe. You felt like you were going to pass out. How could this be happening? Actually, that was a stupid question. Of course this was happening. Why would you ever think a man like him would be interested in a girl like you?

He was in his 40’s and you were about to be 23 come next month. He was tall and fit and attractive enough by everyone else’s standards. He wasn’t really your type but when he asked you out to the bar’s Halloween Bash, you just agreed. No one had ever asked you out before. And there he was, being nice to you and calling you “honey”. You weren’t exactly the most confident gal around, you had insecurities abound in regards to your body, but he didn’t seem to care at all. So you agreed and left your shift at the bar that night thinking of the cute costumes you could go as.

Now here you were, dressed as a dumb little deer with tears forming in your doe eyes as Brock berated you in front of the entire bar. The bar, you might add, where you work. The bar that his “biker club” hangs out in nearly every night. The bikers who were now surrounding you and laughing at your public humiliation. The worst part was that when you looked into the mirror before getting there, you actually felt really fucking pretty. Prettier than you’d felt in a long time. And god, you were so excited to come to this stupid bar to meet up with this asshole guy and go on your first date.

It was really naive on your part, you had to admit. Why would this man who’s seen you nearly every day for the past two years suddenly come up to you and start sweet talking you? If you had given it much thought, you’re sure you would have realized that he was just messing with you. And now you recalled every laugh he gave you during that conversation last week - and every laugh you had given in return. Unfortunately for you, you were never truly in on the joke.

After two whole minutes of his cruel words and taunts, your ears started ringing and all you could make out was the sound of drunken laughter. You turned tail and ran out of the bar, tears streaming down your face.

“Oh come on, don’t leave now, honey! You look so pretty when you cry!” He shouted after you.

You finally made it home after having a full on attack in the safety of your car. You pulled yourself up the porch and into your small but little home. You rented for now, but had dreams of buying the place one day. You weren’t exactly sure you wanted to stay in this town anymore, though. Not when more and more bikers seem to show up every day. It’d be a different story if they weren’t so cruel to everyone and anyone they crossed paths with.

Damn, you thought. You really should have known. Hindsight is 20/20.

You made your way to the bathroom and stared at yourself in the mirror. You didn’t get it. You stared and stared and stared.

You did look pretty. You looked really, really pretty. Even with the streaks of tears on your face, you couldn’t find it in yourself to say otherwise. How can what you see be so drastically different from what everyone else must see? You didn’t get it. But as you started to undress in front of the mirror, it became clearer. You had short legs. Thick legs. Big arms. And a little stomach too. You were by no means thin. You had an ass and nice boobs, though. Sometimes you thought that maybe made up for the rest of your body that you couldn’t find agreeable. Other times, like now, it just all came together and you cried in front of the mirror about how gross people must view you as. It was a terrible feeling. No one should ever hate their own body so much. You logically knew that. You knew if you saw someone else walking around looking exactly the way you do, you wouldn’t think any of these negative thoughts about them. So why then, do you keep doing it to yourself? You had asked yourself that question many times. But tonight you had a reason. Because tonight, you had every terrible thought you’d ever thought about yourself thrown right back at you by a completely different person. It wasn’t just you this time. It wasn’t just in your mind. It was all around you. The agreements of those people in the bar, their laughter at your expense. Suddenly you felt validated in viewing yourself that way. Because they viewed you that way too. You finally peeled your eyes away from your figure in the mirror and got in the shower. You tried desperately to wash away the shame and hurt. It didn’t work. You fell asleep later that night only after tiring yourself out from crying.

The next day you called your boss, Jack, to let him know you wouldn’t be coming in. And that you needed to change your schedule. No more closing shifts. You didn’t want to see any of those people again if you didn’t have to. Jack was understanding but let you know that he wouldn’t be able to give you weekday shifts anymore - he simply didn’t need anyone working when no customers were there.

“I get it, that’s fine. Weekend day shifts are fine, thanks, Jack.” you said sweetly before hanging up the phone and calling your friend Eva.

She was your age and beautiful. You’d been best friends since she moved into town four years back. You had started as roommates before she moved in with her boyfriend two years ago. That’s when you found your cozy little house and decided to try living on your own. Although you don’t live together anymore, you still spend as much time as possible with each other.

You tried to tell Eva about your night but started crying again before you could get anything out.

“Oh, y/n! Don’t cry! I’m on my way right now, I’ll be right over!” She promised before hanging up.

It was twenty minutes later she arrived at your door with food from the diner she worked at in hand and her uniform still on.

“Did you really leave work for me?” You asked as tears threatened to flood your vision once more.

“Of course I did! You don’t just hear your best friend break down on the phone and not run over as fast as possible. I know you’d do the same for me,” she said as she pulled you into a hug.

You walked back inside and told her everything.

“Goddamn bikers,” she spoke through clenched teeth. “I told you they were only trouble. From the moment I first saw them ride into town, remember?”

“Yeah,” you chuckled at the memory. You had been walking downtown, about to cross the street, when a motorcycle cut right in front of the both of you. Eva immediately lost it and started ranting and raving about how there’s a motorcycle everywhere you turn now and how you can’t even legally cross the street without having to worry about a bike taking you out.

“You didn’t deserve that, you know,” she said seriously as she looked into your eyes. “I’m serious. Even if you weren’t one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever known, even if you were actually really ugly, you still wouldn’t have deserved that.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at her words. And you didn’t have it in you to argue with her. You simply nodded your head and pulled her into another hug.

You spent the rest of the night watching movies, eating the food she had brought over, and talking about the small town gossip. Eva also brought up the idea of you working at Norman’s Diner with her. She’s tried plenty of time before to get you to quit the bar and work with her. She never liked you working there, always said it was too unsafe. She was right, but you couldn’t just up and quit. It was your first ever job and you couldn’t just leave Jack hanging like that. But now with your schedule change, you did need a new job to work during the week. Lucky for you, Eva was recently promoted to assistant manager. She said you’d just need to come down to the diner tomorrow and fill out some paperwork and you could start right away. She also said she’d make sure you were always scheduled together, “it’ll be fun!”

You agreed and the rest was history. You worked the diner Tuesdays through Friday mornings and then worked the bar’s day shift Friday and Saturday. It was a good schedule and you couldn’t complain. You’d managed to avoid Brock and his men since the incident and life was going well.

About a year and a half later, you heard gossip around town that Brock and his gang had been run out. You were incredibly relieved that you wouldn’t have to worry anymore about running into him or any other biker when you were just out and about. That relief was short lived though, when you heard that they had been run out by a different club. A club whose reputation truly preceded them. From the stories you’d been told, you decided it was best to still steer clear of any bikers you may happen to see around town. The prospect of having a run in of any kind with any of them truly scared you more than the other bikers had. You still kept to yourself mostly and avoided the town’s nightlife as you always did. Life continued and you didn’t find yourself in any more trouble. Until you did.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Pspspsps!

Hey, hey!

I don’t remember if this was canon or just fanon, but there was something about Mei and putting trackers on her friends? In the TMKATI-verse, this could be her way of dealing with her parents, to know where her family is. Some keep them on them for her sake.

But what if it those trackers also had cameras and could record sound?

And it recorded the moment Mr. Star Lord of Fire hit Li Jing with his car?

I am only saying this because it would make for Nezhas favorite video clip ever.

And him showing it to Canon!Nezha would be good too. He’d get a human world phone just to have this video with him, I think.

May or may not show it to the rest of the canon group – many reactions ensue, at least a few snickers to a cackle.

But imagine, later – Li Jing for some reason has arrived and has to tell the canon-gang something (can be anything, not important). The Eclipse twins are placed a in a hastily made nest from the scarves/capes and given a phone with a video playing as distraction, while the grown ups deal with that a-hole.

And he’s talking.

And talking.

And talking.

Man’s posturing more than saying the very important thing somebody high up in the Celestial Realm sent him to say. It’s very annoying. The 30 minute video the cubs were watching has ended already and they are now randomly jumping from video to video.

Until the algorithm manages something magical.

The next video they play, is the cucaracha car horn.

It is loud.

Loud that the gang instantly stiffen and desperately stone their expressions to not burst out a laugh.

Probably doesn’t help that the ‘huh’ sound Li Jing made was almost similar to the sound he made when hit with the car.

At least that got him to finish the message and leave.

Cackles ensue. The twins are confused but okay with the hugs baba is giving them.

Mei does in canon have trackers on the rest of the Monkie Kid gang as mentioned in "Noodles or Death", it's how they're able to find out where Pigsy and Tang are; apparently a camera is attached to Tang's glasses.

“I attached cameras to all of you guys a while back. Not so creepy now, is it?” ―Mei

The canon series doesn't really expand upon it much afterwards beyond being an easy way for the crew to find out where Tang and Pigsy went.

[In the TMKATI-verse, this could be her way of dealing with her parents, to know where her family is. Some keep them on them for her sake.]

Oh thats sad af. I love it >:)

Baby Mei def had attachment issues - her dragon parents knew she was the new Ring of Samadhi, and they didn't want to "get too attached" (especially with a warning from Ao Guang about something big going down), and after the whole "batman-ing" happens...

Cue a baby dragon with separation anxiety who screams if she isn't in the presence of at least one of her caretakers. Like she'd start crying if someone went to the bathroom without her.

Mei got better as she got older, but she always had very bad anxiety regarding her family members even as an adult. She started to worry about the ways her adoptive family could be hurt and unable to contact her. An Incident where MK got himself into some hero-nonsense as a kid and couldn't answer his phone for many hours, Mei had a straight up panic attack, worried that her little brother had gotten hurt.

The trackers/cameras came in as a compromise to Mei clinging to MK 24/7 after the incident. It really helped to put her anxiety at ease and allow for her and MK do their own things as teenagers. As someone who grew up with anxiety, its kinda hard to learn to just "go do stuff" on your own.

Pigsy thinks the cameras/trackers are a bit creepy, but Macaque and Wukong are like; "How is it any different from us using our powers to keep tabs on you guys?" Pigsy in turn argues that the monkeys don't have a chance of catching him in the bathroom ("I use Gold Vision all the time during work to see if you're in the can or not."). Eventually the arguments peter off until the adults just agree to keep the trackers on their phones/personal effects.

MK in turn is very meticulous on keeping himself findable for Mei.

MK: *is being kidnapped by Villains of the Week* MK: "I wanna warn you guys, I swallowed an air tag." VOWs: *shared looks of confusion*

And ofc due to at least one family member at a time having a camera on them, especially during missions...

[And it recorded the moment Mr. Star Lord of Fire hit Li Jing with his car?]

Post referencing; Li Jing getting hit by SWK's Lawyer's car XD

XD

You know the kids are watching that on loop, adding sound and video effects until it's like an old youtube poop. Nezha has the video saved in multiple dimensions for a laugh.

[The Eclipse twins are placed a in a hastily made nest from the scarves/capes and given a phone with a video playing as distraction, while the grown ups deal with that a-hole.]

Oh gosh the imagery of two pairs of little glowing eyes peaking out from a scarf/blanket nest is soo cute. Probably the default way the monkey parents know how to keep cubs occupied. X3

I love the idea of the Eclipse twins accidentally startling/embarassing a whole god with the sound of La Cucaracha. You know the Celestial Realm would never let Li Jing live it down, no matter the universe XD

[treacheryinblue]

Chapter 4/?

× Elysium (noun) : a place or condition of ideal happiness. type of: fictitious place, imaginary place, mythical place.

Word Count: 8.6k

Masterlist

A Noah Sebastian x OC Series

× Summary: Noah and his new found (sort of) friend, Persephone, battle the trivial ins and outs of being teenagers in a world that doesn't accept you. They survive together all the way into adulthood - with bouts of loneliness included - where the world is still a fickle bitch.

× Warnings!: eventual smut (chapter 4 and beyond), language, violence, slowburn, friends to lovers to enemies back to friends, rinse and repeat (not even in that order), sexual themes, etc. Each chapter will have its own set of separate warnings.

× Author Notes: ( 1 ) We've hit 2016, so if you've been following along, then you know what that means. ◔‿◔ ( 2 ) Always remember that this is time jumps galore! Happy reading!

× Chapter Warnings!: smut (oral - f receiving), language, light description of a panic attack.

SPRING 2016

PERSEPHONE

“I'm not going to your stupid fucking party!” 

Her statement was punctuated by the rattling slam of the refrigerator door she had previously been peering into. She had gone back and forth to it multiple times within the last hour, leaving empty handed every single time. Nothing looked appetizing in the least bit but she wanted something. It was the specifics of that something that had yet to come to her. 

“Persephone Diana Hill!” 

Oh, her mother was clearly very upset with her. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten her entire name yelled at her. 

Actually…yes, she could. It was during her little meltdown two summers ago. How could she have forgotten? 

“You will be attending whether you like it or not! It's not up for discussion!” 

Seph scoffed and rolled her eyes, head shaking. “Well, I have plans that night. Are you saying you want me to cancel my prior engagements?” Her expression now held a look of false shock, a hand pressed to her chest while gasping.

“How horrifically rude!” Of course this was done in jest to mock her mother’s typical ways. 

“What could you possibly have to do? And with who?” 

Ouch, that hurt. Not her own mother throwing jabs at her for not really having friends anymore (as far as she knew). It usually wouldn't be a question as to what she was doing or with who, but after everything, not many people wanted to be around her. Seph was okay with this, though. She didn't necessarily want to be around them either. Assholes. 

“I have plans with Alexa in the city!” 

It wasn't a complete lie. Alexa would be there and she was sure they would mingle together while the guys were on stage. Plus, it wasn't like her mom had asked for the entire guest list. 

Marilyn took in a deep breath and shook her head, her hand making a back and forth waving motion that read as ‘no’ to her. 

“I can't deal with this right now, Persephone. You're going to be at the party, even if I have to drag you to it myself.” 

Seph narrowed her eyes at her mother from across the kitchen. Her jaw clenched and her lips pursed, this being the easiest way for her to bite back all the vile words she wanted to yell at the woman. 

“Bring Alexa if you must, okay? Can we compromise with that?” 

A shrug was given as a response before she exited the kitchen without a word. She could hear her mother release another heavy sigh while she made a beeline for the staircase, taking her right up to the comfort of her bedroom. Seph groaned loud after closing her door, her hands rubbing along her face while following the familiar path to her bathroom. She immediately reached for her bag of meds, a hand sifting through them until she found the specific drug she was in search of. Was it possible to overdose on anxiety meds? It had to be, right? 

No, she wasn't trying to do that. She just needed to make sure it wasn't going to accidentally happen when every conversation she had with her parents had her on the goddamn edge. 

Seph fell back onto her bed after dry swallowing the pill, her limbs stretched out around her, eyes focused up on the ceiling. She remained like this for a long moment, before finally turning over onto her stomach and sliding to the edge of her bed so she could retrieve the sketchbook from the floor. 

It was a Christmas gift from Nick after he explained that getting into drawing had helped him with his own mental setbacks. 

“Maybe it'll be able to help you too.” He had cheerfully hoped when extending the blank book and pens to her. 

If she was being honest, it did help with distracting her and giving her somewhere to place her emotions. She had never done any drawing before outside of doodles when in class, and while she wasn't going to be winning any awards, the leveled up doodles were pretty decent. 

Only when the cramping in her hand became a bit too much did she finally lay the pen down. And almost like he had a sixth sense for these sorts of things, a ding came from her phone, followed by an incoming text. 

‘Come over?’

'There's pizza.’ 

Seph smiled at the messages, her thumbs moving swiftly along the touch screen keyboard until her response was sent. 

'You had me at come.’

…what the hell was that? 

If she let herself inwardly search for the answer for too long, then she would end up sitting there all night, just lost in her thoughts. 

Pushing it aside for now, Seph grabbed a few items in preparation for staying the night, then she was out the door with yet another lack of explanation to her parents. They had given up with trying to get one out of her at this point. 

× × ×

“No…dude dude dude! Right there!” 

Noah was motioning frantically at the screen as Nick controlled the character within the game. He was making a high pitched squealing sound, one that had her wincing slightly before sending a piece of pineapple flying towards him. 

“Oh, a snack.” Nick grinned, snagging the pineapple from his lap and popping it into his mouth without a second thought. 

“Fuck! Goddammit! Jesus fuck bitch!” 

Seph chuckled at Noah’s over the top reaction to Nick dying, eyebrows raised as she stared at the two guys sitting in front of the screen as she settled back comfortably on Nick’s bed. 

“Wow, such foul language,” she joked, snickering. 

“Hey! HEY!” Noah pointed a finger at her, trying to act as serious as possible, but a smile broke through his little dramatic attempt. “None of that!” He was then standing from his seat and taking long strides towards her until his hands were able to latch around her calves. Seph laughed as he tugged her down the bed and then hoisted her form over his shoulder, leaving her helplessly dangling. 

“I'll be back!” Noah announced when they were already halfway down the hall, his bedroom awaiting on the opposite side. 

“Try to keep it down!” Nick fired back, then any other sounds were drowned out by the restart of the game. 

The door was pushed closed with a nudge of his foot, her body dropped down to his bed, leaving her bouncing just a bit before finally settling. Her laughter had yet to cease and she wasn't sure when it would with Noah now hovering over her, his face buried into the crook of her neck and his fingers digging into her sides to tickle her. 

“No!” Seph yelled out through her hysterical laughter, her body involuntarily folding in a bit and trying to shove his hands away. “Noah!” 

“Okay, okay, I'll stop,” he chuckled, his hands pausing on her waist and eyes now focused down on her. 

Even though he had stopped with the dreaded tickling, her breathing was still heavy as she tried to regain her composure. It was never very easy. 

A hand drifted up along her side, over her chest, and to her face where he gently brushed strands of hair out of her eyes. “Did you eat today?” 

Ugh, why did he have to ruin the moment with such tedious questions? 

“You just saw me eat pizza!” Seph huffed with annoyance, her answer causing his eyes to grow darker. 

“You ate a slice. Don't think I wasn't watching you.” 

No, she was very much aware of the way his eyes kept flickering over to her. Lingering. Watching. Maybe that's why she was feeling a little frustrated now. Noah eying her always had her feeling a specific way and he knew that. She assumed that's why he did it. 

“I had a smoothie this morning,” she finally replied, eyes rolling. 

Noah’s fingers continued to push her hair away until her face was completely clear and he could focus on other more pressing matters. A knee forced her legs apart so his thigh could settle between them, pressing up in a way that most would assume was an accident but Seph knew better. 

She sharply inhaled while fighting the urge to grind herself down against his thigh. She couldn't let him know that she had been starving all day, but for one thing in particular. Earlier when in her kitchen, she hadn't been able to figure out what her hunger was focused towards, but she soon figured it out as soon as his text came through asking her to come over. 

“Not good enough,” his voice lazily scolded. Noah slowly stroked his fingers along the length of her neck, glancing down every so often to admire the angle and the way he could feel her pulse pick up against his fingertips. 

“You know the rules, Seph.” 

Not this stupid game again. 

It wasn't that she didn't want to eat, because she very much did. It was simply the fact that her constant change of medications in search of the perfect combination was always fucking with her appetite. So, Noah had taken it upon himself to find ways to get her to eat, even when she didn't want to. It was sweet, or whatever. 

Until his ways centered on her hunger for him. Then she wasn't amused at all. 

“Can't we just ignore the rules this time?” 

Noah had taken to pressing slow kisses to the front of her neck. She could feel him smile against her skin at her question, though he didn't give her any sort of response. That told her all she needed to know. 

He was moving further down at an agonizingly slow pace, taking his time with memorizing every inch of her again and again. The only time he didn't take his time was when he had just performed and the adrenaline that still pumped through his veins had him attacking her like some sort of feral animal. No one would ever hear her complaining about that. 

Another jolt shocked her right to the core as his thigh pressed firm up between her thighs again. This time, she couldn't help but to let out a breathy moan, though it could've easily been taken for a sigh. 

“What was that text about earlier?” 

So he had picked up on her little slip of the tongue. She should've known he would. 

Now his lips were leaving a line of heat between her breasts after his left hand pushed up the t-shirt of his she was wearing. Noah forced the fabric high enough to sit at the top of her chest, leaving her abdomen and breasts on full, bare display for him. 

“Heh, I knew you weren't wearing a bra. Clocked that as soon as you walked in.” 

“What text?” Seph played dumb, her eyes rolling for the millionth time in response to his taunt about her lack of bra. Of course she had chosen to tug it off before leaving her house because her plan had been to pounce him as soon as she walked in. Unfortunately, things hadn't worked out in that way since Noah had been in the middle of a game with Nick. She couldn't really have her way with him with that happening. 

Noah looked up at her, faintly glaring, though there was still a hint of his amusement beyond his eyes. She flashed a smile, hoping this would get her off the hook, but she would never be so lucky. If anyone’s stubbornness rivaled her own, it was Noah's. 

“I had you at come,” Noah explained by repeating the text in question. His head was lowering back down to her chest where he began kissing along the swell of her right breast, his large hand firmly palming the left. Seph gasped the moment his teeth pierced her nipple, followed by a swirl of his tongue to soothe the little assault. 

“Well…you did…” she managed to reply after licking over her lips and taking in a deep, much needed breath. 

“Is that what you want?” His voice was slightly muffled from the way his mouth still pressed against her chest, biting and licking at the hardened peak that was her opposite nipple. “To come?” 

Seph nodded as her fingers clutched his shoulders, tugging at the shirt he still wore for whatever reason. Didn't Noah know by now that she always craved his bare skin against hers? Even when things weren't getting…steamy…

“I think I can hear your heart beating,” he pointed out. And as if to test this theory, Noah dropped his hand from her chest and planted it on her thigh. Curious digits crept up higher and higher along her inner thigh until they had slipped beneath the lounge shorts she wore, his fingertips lightly grazing her panties. 

“Yep…cause it's fucking racing now.” 

A groan of frustration escaped her and she dug her fingers deeper into his shoulders to purposely inflict the smallest amount of pain. “I hate you so much sometimes.” 

Noah’s head quickly turned to place a single kiss to her wrist and then he was sitting up, simultaneously tugging at her shorts to slip them down her legs. 

“Are you sure about that?” 

There was a hint of a growl in his voice, the mere sound causing her to press her thighs together in an obvious need for stimulation. Noticing this, Noah gripped both of her legs and forced them apart again, just so he could lift them enough to rid her of her panties as well. 

“Cause it doesn't really look like you hate me…” Noah continued, his gaze dropping down to the wetness that glistened between her thighs, briefly lingering before finding her eyes again. 

Seph had been nervous the first few times she ended up naked in front of him, mostly because Noah had a knack for wanting to look at her. She wasn't sure why, but he liked studying every inch of her body, especially the sights no one else had seen but him. With that being said, she now found only comfort and excitement when under his sights. This time was no different. 

Sensing that he was growing impatient with his own teasing, she watched as Noah slipped off the bed and down to his knees. He extended forward to tug her to the edge, his arms then hooking under her knees to keep her at just the right angle. 

She could feel his warm breath tickle her skin, a chill shooting straight up her spine. He was then kissing along one of her thighs, going high enough to the inner more sensitive flesh where his teeth could sink in until a mark was left behind. 

The building anticipation was making her mind go crazy, though she was trying her best to keep her composure. He was so close to where she wanted him. Just another half an inch to the left and Noah would be right on the mark. If only he would just get there…

“You're driving me insane,” she pouted in frustration. 

This earned her a slight smack to the side of her thigh where his hands lingered, followed by a firm grasping hold that made her slightly gasp. Seph dropped her head back against the bed, her pout continuing in new forms. Just when she closed her eyes, figuring that she had no choice but to be as patient as Noah desired, he dived right in, his mouth laying claim to her clit. 

Seph’s lower back arched and a hand instantly flew to grip the top of his head, knocking his beanie aside in the process. She took in a deep breath the best that she could while his tongue worked in slow circles and rhythmic patterns across the swollen nerves. 

“Mmmph, Noah…” she hummed in delight, her hips jerking upwards slightly. This prompted him to push her hips down firm to the bed to keep her still, a warning glance being sent up to her. 

“You look so fucking beautiful like this.” Noah dragged his tongue down the length of her cunt and back up in hungry lapping motions, like he was a starved man and she was the only meal he needed. His lips wrapped around her clit in a concentrated suction that had her fingers tightening in his hair as the other set gripped the sheets for dear life. 

Only the sounds of her moans and rapid breathing could be heard over the lewd noises he made between her thighs, adding in moans of his own to show his praise for her body. 

There was a tingling that began at her toes, slowly working its way up as Noah continued with a ferocious hunger. At some point he had let go of one side of her hip so his hand was free, allowing him the chance to ease two fingers past her thoroughly wet entrance. Her body tensed and her fingers scraped along his scalp, ever so gently pushing his head a bit further between her trembling thighs. 

Noah's fingers worked wonders inside of her, skillfully thrusting and stroking along the bundle of nerves that sat back a bit. When he received a reaction from her body that he especially liked - a twitch of her hips, a high pitched moan, a tight clench of her walls - he would repeat the same motion again and again until she was a shaking mess beneath him. 

“N-Noah…” she whimpered, the tingles drifting higher until settling in the pit of her stomach. 

“Are you going to cum for me?” He murmured heavily from between her thighs, his mouth only detaching from her long enough to voice the question. 

Seph quickly nodded, the pressure building up faster as his tongue swirled wildly around her clit. She swore she even felt a slight nip of his teeth, the sharp sensation causing her to gasp just before the climax fully took over. Loud moans erupted one after the other with zero consideration for anyone else in the house. She usually tried to be quiet, but Jesus, it was so hard when his mouth could do that. 

With her thighs attempting to close from the overwhelming rush of euphoria, Noah had to dig his fingers in harder to keep them open. He was always so determined to drag out her orgasm for as long as possible, watching her face as he did. Once she began to come down, though, her body relaxing, he slowly freed his fingers from the impossible grip of her cunt, his tongue eagerly filling the space. 

“Overachiever,” she chuckled as she lifted her head enough to be able to clearly see him. Seph was convinced he would make her cum with just his mouth several more times if she let him, but she figured his roommates wouldn't appreciate that too much. She was already pretty embarrassed at times knowing Nick, of all people, could hear what she sounded like when she came. 

Noah popped up from his kneeling position with an excitement that surprised her, her eyes going wide at his energetic demeanor. He was on top of her again in seconds, his mouth quick to find hers to pull her in for a deep kiss. Seph softly laughed within their tangle of tongues, eager hands beginning to work at freeing the button on his jeans. 

“Nope,” he pulled back with a shake of his head, swatting her hand away. “You know the rules.” 

Seph groaned, falling back against the bed with a huff. 

“Seriously?!” She exclaimed, her head turning to look at the aggravating man that was all smiles beside her. 

“It's been like…two weeks!” 

“It has not been -”

“Yes! It was the same night Alexa and Folio came over and I helped her make that pasta thing-”

“The garlic…”

“Mhm, you said something about how garlic made you horny! Which is still really odd to me…like…I don't know, but anyway-”

They quickly went back and forth with each other; one typically cutting the other off or both trying to talk at the same time. That's usually how their little arguments played out until one of them gave up. This time, it was her. 

A few seconds passed before she couldn't contain herself and ended up speaking again. 

“I also feel bad now because you didn't get to get off and I'm not going to let you make me into a pillow prin-”

“Who said I didn't get off?” Noah wiggled his eyebrows at her, blessed her lips with another kiss, and then carefully rolled off the bed to grab a few tissues from the box on his dresser. 

When he returned to her, she was already shimmying the t-shirt she wore down to cover herself again. That obviously wasn't going to stop him from doing his due diligence and cleaning her up, though. No matter how stubborn she chose to be. 

“I'm a giver, you know that.” 

Yes, she very much did, but she didn't know it went so far that he would be perfectly fine with cumming in his pants instead of pushing his new rules aside. Noah truly was a different breed all of his own. 

× × ×

“Eating my cereal again, I see.” Nick rubbed his eyes as he shuffled into the kitchen the following morning, a yawn releasing to accompany his words. 

Slowly chewing, she glanced down to the bowl of Captain Crunch, then back up to him. “Sorry,” she spoke in a muffled voice as her hand lifted to shield her mostly full mouth. 

Chuckling, Nick shook his head and grabbed a bowl down for himself. “I'm just fucking with you.” 

“You know I'm good for it,” she continued once she had finished her current bite. “I probably do need to go ahead and replace all the things I've used…”

“Oh, you mean now that you've become our unofficial fourth roommate?” 

A sheepish smile tugged at her lips because Seph couldn't tell if Nick was annoyed by this or not. Sometimes it was hard to read his tone since he always sounded the same no matter what mood he was in. 

“I hate being at home,” she explained with a light shrug of her shoulders, lips twisting to the side. “I feel better when I'm with you guys.” 

A therapist or two back had warned her about putting her happiness in the hands of other people, especially with this mental journey she was on. That was something she tried not to focus on, though. Why ruin it for herself now? 

“That's because we're fucking awesome.” 

“Who's fucking awesome?” Noah appeared from around the corner, his hair damp from the shower he had been taking for the last…twenty minutes. 

A look was passed her way by him, his gaze briefly focusing on the almost empty bowl of cereal with raised brows. He then smiled and leaned down to plant a kiss to the top of her head, gently squeezing the back of her neck at the same time. The little moment of affection told her he was happy with what he saw.

Seph smiled, a warmth quick to rise to her cheeks. 

“Not you, with those stupid ass flip flops you can't seem to quit.” Ruffilo fired at Noah, immediately bringing forth a rush of laughter from her. When Noah shot her a playful glare, she cleared her throat and coughed a couple of times as if that's all she had been doing. 

“Gonna shove these flip flops right up your ass.” 

The two guys engaged in a bit of back to back smacking of shoulders and heads, like two toddlers tussling over nothing in particular. Seph shook her head with a heavy sigh, though she continued to spoon what remained of her cereal into her mouth. 

“I'm having my breakfast in the living room!” Nick announced in a dramatic style, as if he was truly upset and hurt by his and Noah's commotion. 

Honestly, this was how most mornings were around here. She would never understand how they could both have so much energy before noon, when she could barely function without at least two cups of coffee or something beyond sugary. 

“Since you're awake and chipper this morning, I have something to ask you.” 

Noah glanced back at her while retrieving the gallon of orange juice from the fridge. He pushed it onto the island before reaching across the surface to grasp her hands, holding both within his own now. 

“I would love to go steady with you.”

Seph cocked her head to the side in confusion, her brows pulling together to showcase the same emotion. 

“Oh, I wasn't aware we had traveled back to the 1950s.”

After tugging her hands free, she waved off his silly comment so they could get back on track with what her actual question was. 

“Your show Saturday night starts at ten, right?” 

Noah nodded, a cup now occupying his grasp that he was carefully filling with juice. 

“Well, my parents are making me go to this stupid party thing they host every year, it starts around 6. I was wondering if you'd go with me?” 

Noah paused, his gaze quickly averting from his juice and up to where she sat across from him. 

“We can ditch early…make it to the venue in time for you to get prepped and all that…” 

It felt awkward asking him this, even though he was her boyfriend…technically…kind of. Well…okay, maybe they hadn't actually defined their relationship yet, so she was just assuming. What else was she supposed to consider him as? 

“Do I have to wear a tie?” 

A smile began to tug at her lips, knowing he was going to agree, even if he didn't actually want to go. She couldn't say she blamed him, since she also didn't want to. The difference was that Noah didn't have to, whereas she wanted to avoid her mother literally dragging her to the party so she had no choice. 

“No, never.” 

“Alright, I'll be your plus one, but just know that I don't put out on the first date.”

× × ×

“Hey, peach…what would you say if there's something personal and kinda embarrassing I wanted to talk about? Maybe even a little awkward…” 

Nick’s motions abruptly halted from where he had been working on a piece on his iPad and he now peered at her from over the thick rim of his glasses. 

“I'm not interested in becoming your third. I'm flattered, but the logistics just seem too complicated. So many limbs, so many hol-”

“Ew! What?!” Seph erupted into laughter, her hands lifting to cover her face from the sheer embarrassment of the ridiculous words coming from Nick. 

When she lowered her hands back down, Nick had returned to his work, but he was still laughing to himself. It was obvious that he was rather proud of that little joke. Or, well…what she was assuming was a joke. 

“What's up, pom?” 

“This is probably way more than you ever wanted to know but I can't talk to Alexa about it because then the whole damn zip code will know by dinner and I just-”

“Out with it!” 

“Okay, okay!” 

Seph heavily exhaled while recapping her pen and closing the sketchbook she had in her lap that she had been occupying her time with. Noah was working a desk shift out in the main area of the tattoo shop, none the wiser to the topic she was about to drop onto Nick. 

“Okay, so…like…Noah and I haven't…you know in two weeks.” 

There was another slight pause she had picked up from Nick, though it was barely noticeable to someone who wasn't overly aware of everyone's actions. 

“Uh huh…not what it's been sounding like…”

A groan escaped her and she lifted the sketchbook to gently smack it against her forehead, the embarrassment really taking over now. 

“Not the point! But what is the point is that it seems like he only wants to take care of me lately…if you catch my drift.”

Nick leaned back in his chair, his focus now on her from across the room. She assumed he couldn't bring himself to multitask during a conversation like this. It wasn't as if she was making it easy for him. 

“I don't know,” she continued, the words refusing to be swallowed. “Once we started, it didn't really stop. I'm talking, like, on the daily. Sometimes more than once. But now? Two weeks, peach, and that's not from my lack of trying.” 

“Are you sure we should be talking about this?” 

“No…but I legit have no one else! Come on, Nick. I'm just trying to figure out if something's wrong, like if he's not interested in me anymore or if it's just not good or what?” 

Okay, maybe she felt a little bad for bringing this to his attention. Seph knew it wasn't his issue to worry about, but she was being honest when she said she had no one else, and the thought of just sitting on it wouldn't have ended well for her mentally. 

“Let me figure out how to say this…” Nick propped his elbows up on the table, hands clasped in front of his face. 

“Talk! To! Him!” 

Seph stared blankly at him, very much unamused by the given response. Why did Nick always have to be the voice of reason instead of simply going along with things?! 

“I don't know how you two haven't figured that out yet. Could've saved everyone a shit load of headaches two years ago, last year, last week, and probably even this morning if you guys would just open your damn mouths to each other!” 

Nick took in a deep breath and slowly released it, appearing as if he was calming himself. She was a little shocked and taken back by his response, though she couldn't say she was surprised. She also wasn't offended, believe it or not. It was hard to be offended by things when Nick was the one saying them. 

“I will tell you that I don't think it has to do with him not being interested or things…not being good. So you can stop all those thoughts from running through that overactive brain of yours.” 

Seph scoffed, her fingers nervously picking at the corner of her sketchbook that she had lowered her eyes to. “How do you know that?” 

“Because he –”

The door opening caused Nick to stop mid sentence, though he immediately picked up another topic all together without missing a beat. 

“...and that's why it's illegal to give a scorpion pepper jack cheese in Nevada.”

Noah’s face showcased just how lost he was on whatever he had walked into, but he merely shook his head and continued his trek to the fridge for a bottle of water. 

“You two are always talking about the weirdest shit, I swear.”

NOAH

Why had he agreed to this? Every ounce of his being was telling him to turn back and run far, far away. He felt out of place, like everyone was looking his way and silently wondering why he was there. Why had she brought someone like him? Fuck, he was wondering the same thing. 

Oh, right. He was there because of her. Because he would do just about anything she asked him to, no matter how outlandish the request may be. Was he completely whipped for this girl? Yes. No doubt about it. 

Noah watched from the table Seph had claimed for them as she sat in the grass with some little kid, a wide smile on both of their faces. The little boy was laughing and clapping at whatever she had said, while her fingers worked skillfully to secure the dandelions and other random flowers from the garden together. She was making a small flower crown for the boy to match her own that he had witnessed her nervously making only moments prior. Noah already knew having to pluck the flowers pained her, but at least she was receiving joyous laughter from it. 

Only after Seph had placed the flower crown on the boy's head and he ran away to show his parents, did Noah begin to make his stroll towards her. 

“Didn't think you were so good with kids,” he joked, a hand extended out to help pull her from the ground. Once she was steady on her feet, he used his opposite hand to assist in brushing bits of grass from the white dress she wore. He could only imagine what her mom would say about it - based solely off the things Seph had said about the woman in the past. 

“Kids are easy,” she chuckled with a shake of her head. “All you have to do is act excited and give them something you say is important, and they're good.” 

Seph’s head then angled up to look at him and she graced him with a smile that made his heart melt in the best way possible. He couldn't help but to take her cheeks lightly in his hands before capturing her lips with his own for a chaste kiss. This wasn't the time or place to get too carried away but he was only human and he couldn't resist. 

Even as he pulled away, her smile remained, and Noah could only form one of his own to give right back to her. 

Fuck. He really did have it bad. 

“What?” Seph softly spoke, more than likely because of how long he had been staring at her. 

Noah shrugged, his head shaking. “Just thinking about how beautiful you are.”

Yeah, he could be charming when the moment called for it. Not sure why no one ever believed him when he tried to explain this. 

Unfortunately, the sweet exchange could only last so long, because Seph's shift of expression alerted him to an enemy approaching. An enemy in the form of one of her parents, or possibly both. God, he was praying it wasn't the latter. 

“Persephone…I thought you were bringing Alexa.” 

The woman he recognized as Seph’s mom was now waltzing towards them. She had a glass of wine in her hand and wore a smile, though Noah could tell it was practiced and fake. He knew far more about her parents than they probably would've preferred, but he could play nice, and he had promised Seph he would. As long as her parents did the same. 

“Changed my mind,” Seph replied, her figure leaning in a bit closer to him. “I asked Noah to come instead.”

And that was his cue to be as polite as possible. With a clearing of his throat, he extended his hand out to the older woman, smiling the best he could manage. “Noah.”

“We haven't ever officially met…since I'm not going to count that one time a couple of years back.” He inwardly cringed at the memory of the interaction when Seph had merely referred to him as some guy. Oh how the times have changed. 

The woman’s hand reluctantly met with his for a small shake, which he considered to be better than nothing. 

“Uh…” he nervously cleared his throat again, a hand then motioning to the dolled up backyard they stood in. “You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Hill.” 

Isn't that what you were supposed to say to rich people? He assumed they loved hearing compliments about their displays of wealth. 

“Oh?” An eyebrow arched as the woman lifted her glass for a sip of her wine. “Fond memories of it, Noah?” 

Right…she knew he had been here before, at least that one time. Whether or not Seph’s parents were aware of all the other times was unknown to him. 

He forced a smile, as well as a slight laugh. “No…not really…”

“Call me Marilyn, by the way.” 

Noah could feel Seph tense beside him, though he placed a light hand on her lower back to hopefully soothe her, even if just a bit. 

Before he could say anything else, Seph was reaching for his hand to lead him away. “Come on, I'm thirsty.” 

Moments later they were back at their table, both with a drink in hand. No, not a fun drink since her parents had warned all servers about their underage daughter beforehand. It didn't matter too much anyway because Seph still wasn't drinking, as far as he knew. 

“What exactly is this party for?” He vaguely motioned outwards to the people before bringing his soda and lime up for a swallow. 

“It's pretty much just for my parents to network and kiss ass. Show off. Brag. Talk about boring rich things with other rich people. Who has the biggest boat and the most expensive car, whose kid is going to change the world.” 

Seph snorted, the sound drawing his eye to her. She looked back at him, her head shaking. 

“My parents aren't going to win that one.” 

Noah decided not to touch that one. He could tell Seph she was wrong until his face turned blue and she would still never believe him. Her parents had really done a number on her, with their beliefs that titles and money were the only things worthy enough to show someone's success. Not everyone saw it like this, though he was in the wrong place to start that argument. Noah assumed not one person at this party would agree with him. 

As his eyes did another sweep of the area, he caught a glimpse of a slightly familiar face. This face in particular brought forth a slight anger within him, an emotion he was sure Seph could read all over too easily from the way his posture changed. 

“What's wrong?” 

Heavily sighing, he did a discreet nod of his head, her gaze following in the direction. 

“Is that Maisie?”

Seph’s clenched jaw told him all he needed to know on that. 

“What is she doing here?”

“Our dad's have been friends since middle school. I'm surprised she decided to show her face, though. Maybe her dad is groveling. Trying to get back in my family's good graces or some shit.” 

Noah picked up on the distaste in Seph’s voice, the reaction immediately causing him to bring a hand closer to her. He rubbed slowly along the top of her back, his touch then dropping down to rest on her knee. 

“Do you want to go? It's…” he shifted to catch a glance of his phone screen, “...a little after eight anyway.” 

“Yeah…” Seph stood from her chair, adjusting her dress as she did. Of course he followed suit, his motions moving along with hers so they could both get somewhere more comfortable. 

“I'm going to go grab some things real quick since we're here, okay? It'll only take a couple of minutes.” 

Noah wanted to protest because that meant he would be left alone with the wolves, but he smiled and gave her a nod. She was already leaning in close to kiss him, which he would've been crazy to deny, and even crazier to ruin with his childish pout. 

PERSEPHONE 

Not one word had been spoken between her and Maisie since she had returned home months ago. Seph truly thought she had done an amazing job at avoiding her and dodging her calls and texts, but now here she was, mingling in the same vicinity as her. 

Just seeing her had put her into a fight or flight response - the latter being her chosen reaction that day. There were other things on her mind that had nothing to do with Maisie, so the last thing she wanted was to waste her energy on someone so minuscule to her now. 

Seph was quick to climb the stairs once inside, heading right for her bedroom. She retrieved a random overnight bag from her closet and began stuffing things into it that she would need: clothes, shoes, other random necessities, as well as her pillow so maybe she could start sleeping better. The zipper was proving to be a bit hard to pull, more than likely due to how stuffed the bag was. She cursed to herself, her fingers latching around the metal piece to tug harder. 

“Hi, baby.” 

The voice was like nails on a chalkboard to her now. She didn't even turn to look at Maisie, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of seeing her annoyance. 

“What do you want?” She instead chose to snip, following it with a sigh of relief from finally closing the overnight bag. 

“Good to see your spice is still well intact.” Maisie softly laughed, the arrogance seething from her. “I just wanted to be a polite guest and come say ‘hi’, do a little catch up.” 

Seph finally looked at her, eyebrows raised in disbelief for her words. She released a laugh of her own, her head slowly shaking. “I don't have anything to say to you, Maisie, other than get out.”

“Still with Noah, I see. That's cute.”

Had her demand for her ex-best friend to leave gone completely over her head? What the fuck? 

Remaining silent, she watched as Maisie stepped further into her bedroom, pausing at the window that overlooked the backyard. A smirk fell upon her lips, her nail gently tapping at a spot on the glass. 

“I guess he is kinda fuckable.” 

There was a twitch in her brows, anger shining within her eyes that ignited the moment Maisie looked over to her. The reaction only made the other girl grin, though. God, she really was just an evil person. 

“Sephy!” Maisie exclaimed in fake shock and awe. “You dirty girl! I know what that look was!”

It only took a few steps for Maisie to approach her, her hand then extending out to lightly walk her fingertips up her chest and tap her chin. 

“You've let him deflower you, huh? And now you'll be attached to him forever…even once he's moved on.” 

Seph swatted her hand away, forcing it to the side and down with more force than she had anticipated. The grin Maisie wore faltered slightly, since she obviously hadn't been expecting such a reaction from her. If she kept it up, then there would be much worse for her to endure. 

“Don't you have someone else to go be miserable around?” 

Maisie gave a light shrug. “I'm just saying, Sephy. Better tell your parents to go ahead and reserve you another room in Sweden for when that day comes, and it will come.” 

“It's better than the fucking jail cell you would've been in had I not convinced my dad to drop the charges against you.” 

This brought forth a tinge of actual rage from Maisie that settled in her brows and showed through a brief squint of her eyes. 

“Now get out before I embarrass you in front of everyone outside.” 

Maisie licked over her lips and adjusted her expression, her usual bitchy face returning to cover the previous features of anger and entitlement. She then turned on her heel, taking her leave before things could truly escalate. 

Now that she was alone again, Seph was able to take in a deep much needed breath. She glanced out the window again, her gaze immediately falling upon Noah who was…talking to her dad? 

Fucking hell. What else could this day throw at her? 

× × ×

Spoke too soon. 

“Hey, shh, it's okay. You're going to be okay.” 

Noah was leaning over the sink with his head bowed, desperately trying to catch his breath as she rubbed along his back. She had tried splashing his face with water, though that first attempt at calming him hadn't worked out so well. It only made him feel dizzier, that being why he was now clutching the edge of the counter for dear life. 

Bad Omens hadn't even gone on for their set yet and already his anxiety was getting the best of him. As far as she knew, Noah hadn't experienced an attack in awhile, not until now. It wasn't the nerves that came along with performing, he had explained to her before. It was the lights, the loud noises, all of it happening at once transporting him back to that day. 

“Noah,” she softly spoke while reaching over with her free hand to gently guide his face until he was looking at her. “Do you want to sit? Let's sit.” 

Unfortunately, the bathroom obviously didn't have chairs, but she was able to help him down to the floor. With his back against the wall, Seph sat on her knees beside him, a hand soothingly stroking his hair away from his face. 

There were tears in his eyes and his face was bright red, his breathing heavy and uneven. It killed her to see him like this, even more so when he was clutching so tight to her other hand with trembling fingers. 

“Look at me,” she requested as she leaned in a little closer. 

While Seph had no idea what sort of grounding techniques he had, she did know of things he liked to do that kept him occupied. 

“Tell me what color my eyes are.” 

It took a moment, but Noah was eventually able to look at her. He stared directly into her eyes, which she had widened a bit just to help him out. 

“Brown.”

Expelling a small laugh, she shook her head. “You've never once referred to my eyes as brown.” 

“They're, uh, they're golden brown. Like…amber…or a new penny...”

Seph smiled, nodding along to his description. His breathing wasn't as heavy as it had been only moments prior, but she could still hear how shaky it was with each inhale. 

“Count my freckles.” 

Noah took in another ragged breath, his eyes dancing all around her face before settling on what she assumed was her cheek. His lips were moving as he whispered the numbers, but barely a sound was coming out. This was how they remained for awhile, as long as they needed to until she knew he was able to breathe normally again. The hand she had on his face dropped to his chest, just so she could attempt to feel the thumping of his heart. Faster than it should be, but nowhere near as rapidly racing as it had been. 

“You're okay,” she told him, offering another gentle smile. “You did good. I knew you could do it, see?” 

“137.”

“What?”

“Freckles. There's 137 on your face.” 

Seph couldn't stifle her laughter because of course he had legitimately continued to count every faint marking scattered across her nose and cheeks. Good thing they had been in the sun for a bit that day, or else he may not have had as many to count. 

Seconds later he was leaning in, his arms slipping beneath her own so he could bring himself close against her. Noah’s face buried into her chest, this being his chosen place of comfort in that moment. 

Taking in a deep breath of her own, Seph leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head. Her fingers alternated between rubbing his scalp and massaging the back of his neck - doing anything she could to help him along. Noah relaxed into her, though his hands still clutched her shoulder blades as if someone was going to pry him away from her before he was ready. 

Movement caught her eye, causing her to lift her gaze to see Nick now standing in the doorway. His eyebrows were raised in a silent question, to which Seph gently shrugged. She glanced down to Noah, then back to Nick before holding her hand up to tell him they needed five more minutes. Nick wasn't rushing them, but simply trying to see if everything was okay, and that was obviously appreciated. If anyone understood how bad it could get for Noah, it was his best friend. Based on what Nick had told her before, she hadn't even seen the worst of it. 

“Can I get a minute?” Noah rubbed at his eyes as he began pulling away from her. 

Seph nodded while bringing herself to her feet and helping him do the same. “Yeah, I'll be right outside.” 

“Dude, what happened?” Nick muttered as she exited the bathroom and took a few steps down the hall. 

Glancing over her shoulder in the direction she had come, she shrugged in response, her eyes then falling to Nick. 

“I don't know. We were standing on the side watching the other band, then he was suddenly…choking. It was fucking terrifying, peach.”

Seph knew she would never be able to get the image of Noah looking so helpless out of her head. The way he had been looking at her with wide eyes, his entire body trembling…it broke her heart. 

“I think the stress of the album releasing…music videos…tour…it's all getting to him.” 

Of course she agreed with Nick, though they both knew what the true underlying cause was for his panic attacks. The stress only exacerbated it all and helped bring it to the surface. And while it wasn't something that either of them could fix, she still hated it. 

Once Noah was ready, they walked hand in hand to where the guys were waiting. Nick had gone ahead a couple of minutes earlier just to tell the others to not question it and that everything was good. While they knew otherwise, no one wanted to make things awkward. 

“Are you pumped?” She questioned loud enough for him to hear over the music the small venue had playing. 

“I'm getting there,” Noah chuckled. His color was returning back to normal - no longer that odd mixture of sickly pale and flushed cheeks. This told her that he was being honest in his response, which she was beyond thankful for. 

“I'm so excited! You're going to be amazing! Everyone is going to be great!” 

Honestly, Seph was probably the band's number one fan at this point. Their own personal cheerleader. Everything they did was always great or amazing or fucking bad ass when they would ask for her feedback, and seeing them perform was obviously no different. 

With a quick last minute kiss, she sent him off to the stage. Noah's entire demeanor changed as soon as the lights were on and the first song began, like he was stepping into another mindset entirely. Her hands cupped around her mouth to join in with the cheering of the crowd, excited applause to follow. 

The energy he exuded on stage was mesmerizing. There was constant jumping and head banging, all of them being put into every word of every song. That's why Seph loved watching them so much. It was easy to forget about all her worries for those simple thirty minute sets. 

As the set ended, Noah came bounding over to her with a look of happiness and excitement that she hadn't seen in awhile. He threw his arms around her, his long limbs engulfing her in a hot and sweaty hug. Seph wanted to playfully protest, but she couldn't even do so in jest when she got a look at his big grin. 

“It was so fucking cute when I’d catch glimpses of you singing and bouncing along.” 

Noah’s face was pressed into the top of her head, though she could still somehow make out exactly what he was saying. Pulling back a bit, she peered up at him with a slight scrunch of her nose. Despite his smile, Seph could see how tired he was in his eyes. That came as no surprise to her considering the events of just before the show. 

“Folio said something about going out but I think I need to get you to bed.” Her hand lightly cradled his jaw once he had loosened his tight hold of her just enough so she could move. 

The wheels were turning in his head, his heavy lidded eyes lingering down on her. Seph knew he wanted to protest but she also knew Noah was smart enough to know when to call it a night. Plus, she wouldn't let him give her any other response but one of agreement. 

After a few beats, he finally nodded. “Bed sounds nice.” 

[dianashiori]

What is Sebastian Michaelis like helping (Y/n) in the middle of an anxiety attack?/¿Cómo es Sebastián Michaelis ayudando a (T/n) en medio de un ataque de ansiedad?

Advertencia: Este contenido es para mayores de 18 años de edad, se recomienda discreción. Cualquier parecido con la realidad es mera coincidencia. (NO SEXUAL).

Warning: This content is for those over 18 years of age, discretion is recommended. Any resemblance with the reality is mere coincidence. (NOT SEXUAL).

English version:

Anxiety attacks are not an easy thing, Sebastian knows it, he has seen many in his life, especially in hell, but he never imagined that his special human would suffer from these from time to time.

He probably realizes that you have anxiety attacks, he sees you trembling, a little restless and that you do not answer coherent things to simple questions, he knows that there is something strange about you, but it could be anything, he will ask you if you are okay, but Since on many occasions you try to control the attack, he knows that whether you can control it or not, he should not leave you alone for too long.

He You probably notice that he is kinder than normal and more affectionate, not because he feels like it at that moment, but because he needs you to feel comfortable. I'm sorry darling, for him you are just a drug, since a demon is incapable of love, but from love to obsession there is a fairly blurry line that every drug addict knows, so if in that kissing session he tells you that he loves you and that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, you won't notice much of a difference.

The first attack you had was the first year you lived with Sebastián in the same house, you were used to being alone during the mornings, afternoons and part of the night, but while you were keeping some sheets in a drawer, the nightmare began , a series of thoughts flooded your mind, distressing thoughts of absurd situations, but that could happen in your opinion. You shook your head, ignoring that tangle of nonsense that distracted you from carrying out your routine as you usually did, then you proceeded to go to the bathroom to clean up and then wait for Sebastian in the small living room of the house.

Everything was going as planned, but the thoughts came back, even stronger, but you waited to calm down before trying to get out of the bathtub with your mind occupied elsewhere. Once dry and dressed you heard the sound of the door handle being turned, that old handle always made a lot of noise when being turned.

Sebastián entered with a smile of relief when he saw his beloved at home again. Although, according to the demon butler, the way you walked to receive him was very hasty, he knew that at that time you had little energy so it was not common to see you walk very fast, but he let it pass, since there was always a first time for everything.

You gave him a welcome kiss and offered him a glass of water or hot chocolate, this time he refused, taking you in his arms and taking you to the couch to sit on his lap and do what he usually did, which was hug you and caress you while you He asked how your day was, there was no shortage of the typical action of inhaling your aroma in the middle of a hug. But this time you answered something strange to his question, you paused too much as if you were thinking about the answer, you repeated some words after pausing as if you were trying to say them well, you mentioned actions of the day in a non-chronological way and, above all, you seemed restless and anxious as you went. that advanced your story.

S: Honey, are you okay?

(Y/n): I think so.

Sebastian thought it would be a good idea to take you to bed, you would probably be tired, but when he got up to enter the room and prepare it, he left you on the couch waiting, and that's how everything intensified, you could swear that your heart rate was so fast that your heart would stop at some point, you couldn't stop shaking and having the feeling that you had to run away from there, you started to cry. Sebastián sensed that anguish from the room so he returned to your side only to see how you had lain down on the couch in a fetal position crying and shaking. All the signs were clear to him at that moment, it was an anxiety attack.

He didn't waste any time and picked you up in his arms and then sat with you on the couch and hugged you. The attack didn't last more than 5 minutes, but for you it was as if it had lasted for hours. Sebastian could only hug you, give you kisses and rock you a little. for it to happen.

Once he stopped and you were better, you were able to sleep peacefully, (or just you, since he is a demon and doesn't sleep). During the early morning that Sebastián had to leave, you realized that he had not yet gotten out of bed, you knew that it was impossible for him to fall asleep, much more so if he had to comply with a schedule, so you turned to see him, discovering that not only was he still there with you, but he was also upset, not enough for you to feel his dark aura, but enough to see him with his frown.

(Y/n): Good morning?

S: Good morning.

(Y/n): Are you okay?

S: No, I'm not.

(Y/n): Am I responsible for that?

S: Not really.

(Y/n): I'm sorry.

S: Don't apologize, it's my fault.

(Y/n): How...?

S: It's my fault for leaving you alone all day, for not being as attentive to you as I should be, if I hadn't put my butler facade above my personal life, I would have realized that something wasn't right.

He pulled you closer to him, he didn't want to let you go, despite not having a beating heart, you could feel the heat that his body gave off, an artificial heat that only a demon could give, but that felt so human, so natural.

As the days went by, Sebastián would occasionally leave some gifts on the door or windows, as a way of saying that he is with you without being there. He also makes sure to come home early from work, before the sun goes down. Ciel is the first to notice the change, but he wouldn't do anything about it, he knew it had something to do with you, and luckily for him, he would have a few more hours of freedom from the methodical demon of his.

Versión Español:

Los ataques de ansiedad no son cosa fácil, Sebastián lo sabe, ha visto muchos en su vida, sobre todo en el infierno, pero jamás imagino que su humana especial sufriera de estos de vez en cuando.

Probablemente se dé cuenta de que tienes los ataques de ansiedad, te ve temblando, algo inquieta y que no respondes cosas coherentes a preguntas simples, sabe que hay algo raro en ti, pero puede ser cualquier cosa, te preguntara si estás bien, pero como en muchas ocasiones intentas controlar el ataque, él sabe que aunque puedas controlarlo o no, no debe dejarte sola mucho tiempo.

Probablemente lo notes más amable de lo normal y más cariñoso, no porque le nazca serlo en ese momento, sino que necesita que te sientas cómoda. Lo siento cariño, para él solo eres una droga, ya que un demonio es incapaz de amar, pero del amor a la obsesión hay una línea bastante difusa que todo drogadicto conoce, así que si en esa sesión de besos te dice que te ama y que eres la mejor cosa que le ha pasado, no notaras gran diferencia.

El primer ataque que tuviste fue el primer año que viviste con Sebastián en la misma casa, estabas acostumbrada a estar sola durante las mañanas, las tardes y parte de la noche, pero mientras guardabas unas sabanas en un cajón, fue que empezó la pesadilla, una serie de pensamientos inundaron tu mente, pensamientos angustiantes de situaciones absurdas, pero que pudieran suceder a tu parecer. Sacudiste tu cabeza ignorando esa maraña de tonterías que te distraían de llevar tu rutina como comúnmente lo hacías, después procediste a ir al cuarto de baño para asearte y después esperar a Sebastián en el pequeño salón de la casa.

Todo iba según lo planeado, pero los pensamientos volvieron, aún más fuertes, pero esperaste a calmarte antes de intentar salir de la bañera con la mente ocupada en otro lado. Una vez seca y vestida escuchaste el sonido del picaporte de la puerta siendo girado, ese picaporte viejo siempre hacia mucho ruido al ser maniobrado.

Sebastián entró con una sonrisa de alivio al ver a su amada en casa de nuevo. Aunque al parecer del endemoniado mayordomo, tu forma caminar para recibirlo fue muy apresurada, sabía que a esa hora tenías poca energía por lo que no era común verte caminar muy rápido, pero lo dejo pasar, ya que siempre había una primera vez para todo.

Le diste un beso de bienvenida y le ofreciste un vaso de agua o chocolate caliente, esta vez él se negó, tomándote en brazos y llevándote al sofá para sentarte en sus piernas y hacer lo que comunmente hacia que era abrazarte y darte caricias mientras te preguntaba como estuvo tu día, no faltaba la típica acción de aspirar tu aroma en medio de un abrazo. Pero esta vez respondiste algo raro a su pregunta, te pausabas demasiado como si pensaras en la respuesta, repetías algunas palabras después de pausar como si trataras de decirlas bien, mencionabas acciones del día de manera no cronologica y sobre todo mostrarte inquieta y ansiosa a medida que avanzaba tu relato.

S: Cariño, ¿estás bien?

(T/n): Eso creo.

Sebastián pensó que sería buena idea llevarte a la cama, probablemente estarías cansada, pero cuando se levantó para entrar a la habitación y prepararla, te dejo en el sofá esperando, y así fue que todo se intensificó, podrías jurar que tu ritmo cardiaco era tan rápido que tu corazón se detendría en algún momento, no dejabas de temblar y tener la sensación de que debías salir huyendo de ahí, comenzaste a llorar. Sebastián percibió esa angustia desde la habitación por lo que regreso a tu lado solo para ver como te habías recostado en el sofá en una posición fetal a llorar y temblar. Todas las señales eran claras para él en ese momento, era un ataque de ansiedad.

No perdió tiempo y te recogió en sus brazos para después sentarse contigo en el sofá y abrazarte, el ataque no paso de los 5 minutos, pero para ti fue como si hubiera durado horas, Sebastián solo podia abrazarte, darte besos y mecerte un poco para que pasara.

Una vez que se detuvo y estabas mejor, pudieron dormir tranquilos, (o solo tú, ya que él es un demonio y no duerme). Durante la madrugada que Sebastián tenía que irse, te diste cuenta de que aún no se había levantado de la cama, sabías que era imposible que se quedara dormido, mucho más si tenía que cumplir con un horario, por lo que te giraste a verle, descubriendo que no solo seguía ahí contigo, sino que también estaba molesto, no lo suficiente para que sintieras su aura oscura, pero si para verlo con su ceño fruncido.

(T/n): ¿Buenos días?

S: Buenos días.

(T/n): ¿Estás bien?

S: No, no lo estoy.

(T/n): ¿Soy responsable de eso?

S: No realmente.

(T/n): Lo siento.

S: No te disculpes, es mi culpa.

(T/n): ¿Cómo...?

S: Es mi culpa por dejarte sola todo el día, por no estar tan al pendiente de ti como debería, si no hubiera antepuesto mi fachada de mayordomo por encima de mi vida personal, me hubiera dado cuenta de que algo no estaba bien.

Te atrajo más hacia él, no quería soltarte, a pesar de no tener un corazón que palpitara, podías sentir el calor que desprendía su cuerpo, un calor artificial que solo un demonio podría dar, pero que se sentía tan humano, tan natural.

Con el paso de los días, Sebastián dejaba de vez en cuando algunos regalos en la puerta o ventanas, como una forma de decir que esta contigo sin estar. También se asegura de venir más temprano de su trabajo a casa, antes de que el sol caiga. Ciel es el primero en notar el cambio, pero no haría nada al respecto, sabía que tenía algo que ver contigo, y afortunadamente para él, tendría unas horas más de libertad de su demonio metódico.

[exololyunho]

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You’re finally free to leave LA. However, Ateez’s final concert doesn’t go exactly as planned, although your reunion with Yunho is exactly as sweet and emotional as you expected. This time, though, it’s your turn to share some interesting information.

warnings: panic attack, general anxiety talk, pda, I just through in random people, proposals, a gift for yunho, oral sex, unprotected sex, soft sex, happy endings

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an: think of this as kind of a mid season finale. this was originally where the series ended, but I realized it needed more, so more is coming.

From the wrap party you had gone straight to the airport. The hours between check in and boarding inched by so slowly you felt like you were losing your mind. It didn’t help that you’d had to take a trip to the bathroom due to nausea. The stress of the long flight you were about to take, the general worrying you always did when Yunho was about to go on stage, plus your anxiety all surrounding the small present you had brought for him was eating you up inside.

By the time you boarded the plane and settled into your little first class cubicle, you had worn yourself out. As soon as you were in the air, you reclined your seat and passed out. 

When you finally woke, about half of the nearly 14 hour flight had passed. You found you were starving. Reaching for the small menu, you pondered the choices, opting for a fruit plate and some orange juice. Anything heavier would simply make you nauseous again.

Once the flight attendant had delivered your meager breakfast, you tucked in, enjoying the fruit while you scrolled through the movie options on the TV in front of you. 

Korean Air had a large selection of American and Korean movies with a moderate selection of other foreign films. You found yourself wincing and quickly moving past every one of your films until ‘Spiderwoman’ appeared on screen. You were only 19 when you had filmed it, 20 when it released, and it was the only one of your movies you could actually stand watching. You had been so incredibly proud of your work that you had gotten a spiderweb tattooed on your shoulder after filming ended. It had earned you the title of ‘Academy Award Nominated actress, Y/n L/n’. You hadn’t won, losing to a much older and experienced actress, but it had put you on the map.

It was also the film you had been in Seoul promoting when you had met Yunho. 

You shook yourself and moved past it. You continued scrolling until you stumbled upon Yunho’s first film. ‘In the Worst Way’, it was called. It was an action thriller that had done wonders for his reputation as an actor. It had even gotten him a Daesang. As much as you loved the film, you knew it would make you miss him so you carried on with your search. When nothing piqued your interest, you resigned yourself to watching ‘Spiderwoman’ while you ate your fruit.

It had been nearly a year and a half since you had watched it. The last time being when Yunho’s members had forced you to during a movie night you had been present for. You could have said no, but their pleading eyes and your pride for this one project had caused you to give in easily. 

You weren’t necessarily ashamed of your other movies. Well, aside from the reboot of the Alicia Silverstone movie, ‘The Crush’. Your version was an 18 year old college student falling in love with a much older professor and going crazy, instead of a 14 year like in her version, but it was still insanely fucked up and had been your third movie overall and your very first as an adult. It still made you cringe. It was a wonder Marvel had cast you in ‘Spiderwoman’ after that fiasco.

Trying to forget about your past bad career decisions, you focused on the movie. You had always been overly critical of yourself, but even you had to admit you did a damn good job on this film. Hopefully, the sequel you had just filmed was just as good. You had tried your best to fully immerse yourself as best you could, but most people could tell you didn’t have the same energy as you did 4 years ago. 

The movie eventually ended and the stewardess came by to take your empty glass and plate before returning with the green tea you had requested. Resigning yourself to listening to the music blasting through your headphones and staring out the window, looking at passing clouds, you sipped on the hot tea.

A little over a month ago, you had finally quit smoking. It had been hard but you’d persevered, knowing it was best for you and those around you. You had replaced that habit with lots and lots of tea. And a few nicotine patches for the first two weeks before you’d stopped using them. Yunho had been so incredibly proud when you told him and Joanne had brought home a cake on the one month anniversary of you throwing your vape and back up pack of cigarettes away. 

As you finished your tea, you finally checked your phone. It was on airplane mode and you hadn’t bothered to pay for wifi, preferring to disconnect for a while. Between your movie and cloud watching, you’d managed to eat up 4 more hours of the flight. In just under 3 hours, you’d be landing in Incheon at noon. An hour after that you’d likely be through border security and an hour after that you’d be in your apartment. 

Ateez’s concert started at 6 pm and would probably go until around 10. Excitement was already buzzing under your skin, along with nerves. You needed to calm down, it was still hours until you could see Yunho again.

Deciding to distract yourself, you asked for another cup of tea and flipped through the games on your phone.

You had been wrong. It took nearly 2 hours for the car service to get you to your apartment due to traffic. By the time you were dragging your suitcases through the door, it was almost 3. You had to arrive at Olympic Stadium at 5 to be escorted to the VIP box the boys had reserved for you and a few of their partners. Thankfully, Miyeon was going to be there

Yeosang’s girlfriend, Kim Doyeon, another idol, and San and Wooyoung's boyfriend, Lee Hosung, a non celebrity, were also going to be there. Jongho had been dating a Japanese idol he refused to tell the name of, but she was overseas promoting and couldn’t attend. That had given you all clues, but still, no one had been able to figure it out. Seonghwa had been flirting off and on with Yeri of Red Velvet for months, but they had never made anything official and you didn’t know if she was going to be there.

Pushing your thoughts aside, you focused on picking an outfit from what you had brought in your suitcases and what was still in the closet of your apartment. You wanted to look cute, but you definitely did not want to stand out. 

Sorting out what to wear proved to be very difficult, but by 4, you had settled on loose fitting jeans and an old Ateez shirt you had stolen from Yunho a while ago. You had just enough time to throw on some makeup, fix your hair, and gather up all the essentials to go in your purse. You were nearly out the door when you remembered to grab the newest version of their lightstick that the boys had gifted you when it was released. You even had some spare batteries hidden in a drawer. 

Quickly, you grabbed a flannel jacket and a black face mask before heading down the fancy hallway of the complex and into its equally nice elevator. Upon stepping out of the elevator, a man in a black suit you recognized as one of Ateez’s staff members waited for you in the lobby. Your steps rang out loudly as you hurried to follow him into the SUV that was waiting for you.

When he opened the door, you were happy to see Miyeon waiting for you. She had always looked good, but with her new blond hair, knee high socks, purple dress, and denim jacket she looked amazing. Even her oversized purse was a complimentary shade of maroon.

As soon as you had settled into the car, she pulled you into a hug.

“Y/n! I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Miyeon. It’s been too long,” she pulled away from you as the car started to pull away from your building. As her hands settled in her lap, you couldn’t help but notice the ring on her left hand. “Oh my god, it’s gorgeous!”

She slyly held her hand up so you could gawk at the ring you had yet to see in person. It was small and gold, but had a diamond in the center with a topaz and an emerald on opposite sides to represent their birth months. “I know right! It’s everything I wanted!”

The rest of the ride passed quickly as the two of you gushed about her upcoming wedding. It was only when the driver approached the stadium and was granted entry by the security guard at the back entrance that she asked about you and Yunho.

“So, when are you getting your very own ring?” She wiggled her fingers at you.

“Hopefully soon,” you were blushing slightly.

“Oh? So you’ve talked about it?” You had. Not too much more beyond that night when he had confessed to wanting children with you, as both of you had decided that was a conversation best had in person.

“We have a bit. And I hope we get married soon,” You bit your lip as the car rolled to a stop. “I’m-”

Before you could finish, your door was opened by another staff member. Miyeon gave you a look that said ‘later’ and you nodded before exiting.

The stadium was huge from the outside and you couldn’t believe Ateez had managed to sell out almost every seat in the venue. Olympic Stadium was massive from the outside, but the view quickly vanished as you and Miyeon were ushered inside to avoid any pictures being taken. The staff led you through a maze of hallways before opening the side door that led to the hallway containing doors to the VIP boxes. The two of you were led to one labeled ‘8’ and told that another staff member would come collect you before the last song so you could all meet the members backstage once the concert ended.

You thanked them before they were off, back down the hallway. Miyeon opened the door and you followed her through. There was one staff member wearing all black behind the bar on the right side of the room. On the left was a table full of appetizers. In front of you was a balcony that showed your box was directly facing center stage. There were dividers on the sides to block the neighboring boxes from looking in and several plush looking chairs and benches placed on the balcony. Inside, there were two tall cocktail tables with no stools.

Doyeon, Hosung, and, surprisingly, Yeri, were all crowded around one. Each of them had a beer in front of them and they were laughing.

Hosung’s eyes lit up when he saw you and Miyeon. His hair was silver and it matched the multitude of rings and necklaces he wore. He looked like he had stolen clothing items out of San’s closet, which was very likely. His black button down was half done up and tucked into black jeans. He had a dark purple velvet jacket thrown over the top. He was a year older than you and the two of you had become fast friends when San introduced him to everyone 6 months ago.

“Y/n!” You let him pull you into a hug as he immediately started chatting about how much he missed you and much he has to tell you.

Doyeon was dressed in a flowy blouse with black jeans and she simply gave you a nod and a smile. She had been friendly since she and Yeosang started dating a year and a few months ago, but she was relatively reserved and usually pretty quiet.

Yeri was greeting Miyeon, as they had worked together in the past. She had on an Ateez shirt not unlike your own, but hers was tucked into a flowy white skirt. 

“Hello,” she bowed slightly to you when she and Miyeon had caught up a bit.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Yunho’s girlfriend, Y/n,” you returned the bow and she smiled brightly. 

“Very nice to meet you. I’m Seonghwa’s something,” she waved her hand dismissively and everyone laughed. 

“Y/n! Have a beer,” Hosung dragged you to the bar. 

“Oh no I shouldn’t,” you thought quickly. “I just got off a plane, if I have a drink I’ll fall asleep.”

Hosung whined for a minute before he gave in and you asked the bartender for ginger ale.

With your drink in hand, you made your way back to the table as the conversation quickly turned to careers. You were peppered with questions about your movies, but each and every time you succeeded in redirecting the conversation back to one of the other four. 

Before you knew it, the arena started to fill up as fans filed in 45 minutes before the show started. The five of you disregarded the filling arena and continued to snack and chat until the lights started to dim. It was then that you took your seats, being settled between Hosung and Miyeon, preparing for the show to start.

It was about halfway through the concert when a fan seated below your box turned to scan the arena. It was during a moment when the venue was lit up as the boys performed ‘Aurora’ and you knew from the look on the girl's face as you made eye contact that she recognized you. Before she could raise her phone to take a picture, you turned your head and left your seat to go pace safely under the overhang where you weren’t visible.

Doyeon and Yeri had kept their masks on, but you had removed yours to laugh and sing with Miyeon and Hosung. It was stupid, but you had enjoyed the normalcy of it all until it bit you in the ass.

Miyeon had followed you when you got up and you knew everyone’s eyes were on you, but you couldn’t stop your hands from shaking as you walked back and forth. You didn’t really know why you were panicking so much. Yes the girl had seen you, but you had mentioned in interviews before that you were a fan of Ateez. It wasn’t that odd that you would be at their final concert. Your reasoning couldn’t stop your panic from building, though. 

Miyeon grabbed your hands, steadying them. You saw Yeri and Doyeon give you understanding but sympathetic looks as they stopped Hosung from approaching you after Miyeon, pulling him to sit between them and encouraging him to focus on the show. 

“Y/n. What happened?” Miyeon pulled you farther from the balcony. She had seen you panic before. She was 7 years older than you and could easily calm you down quickly. 

“I- a- a fan saw me,” you forced out even though your throat felt like it was closing up. “She recognized me.”

“Deep breaths,” one of her hands left yours to settle on her chest and demonstrate breathing for you to follow. It was hard with the loud music mimicking the pounding of your heart. 

“Air,” you croaked out. 

She nodded, keeping a tight hand as she pulled you through the door into the hallway. There were two bodyguards outside the door.

“Minyoung, we need to go outside,” the bodyguard on the left nodded and gestured for you to follow him. He led you quietly through the hallway in the opposite direction you had entered from before leading you out onto a secluded terrace. It was a bit chilly outside as the sun had gone down about an hour ago but it felt good. Minyoung stayed by the door, looking away from you respectfully, as Miyeon led you farther away from him to lean you against a wall.

You slid down to take a seat while Miyeon crouched next to you.

“Y/n,” her voice was gentle. “You’re safe. There’s no way that one girl saw you and figured out your whole life story from one second of eye contact.”

You knew that. You really did, but your heart wouldn't stop racing. You took deep breaths of the cool air and willed yourself to calm down, it was working, but your panic was leaving a pounding headache behind.

“Here,” Miyeon was holding out two small pills to you. Your confusion must have been written all over your face because she shook a small bottle of Tylenol at you. “I used to get panic attacks when I was your age. I always had headaches afterwards.”

You gratefully accepted the pills and the water bottle she produced from her bag. After swallowing them, you closed your eyes, leaning back against the cement walls of the stadium. 

“I’m a terrible girlfriend,” you said after a long moment of silence. “I can’t go anywhere without freaking out and being paranoid. I can’t even watch him perform.”

“That’s not true. You and I have gone out in public plenty of times and you’ve been perfectly fine. I’ve seen you relaxed and happy at his shows before, too,” she sat on the ground next to you, taking your hand once again. “You’ve just got your issues. We all have them and we all overcome them in one way or another.”

“Becoming famous as a teenager fucked me up,” your eyes opened and you looked at the smaller woman beside you.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “It probably did. But you’re getting better. Eight months ago, when you came back to Seoul, you couldn’t even walk outside but you overcame that. Remember? Within a month you were going to coffee shops and parks and taking walks with me.”

She gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and the memories brought a smile to your face.

“You’re probably never going to fully get rid of the anxiety, but you’re doing great, you really are. And you have all of us and your friends in the states. We all want you to be happy,” Miyeon leaned her head on your shoulder and you laid yours on hers. “Yunho wants you to be happy. And… Can I be honest?”

“Of course,” her question made you nervous.

“I think you should stop acting. At least for a few years. And I think Yunho agrees with me, too,” she lifted her head to look you in the eyes. “You do so well when you stop and come here to spend time with us, but as soon as you go back to working, you just reset. Its heartbreaking. I know I’m not that old, but you feel almost like a daughter to me and it hurts me to see you struggling.”

You nodded, fighting off tears. “You’re right. I- before I came back I told my agent I didn’t want to hear anything about another project for at least a year.”

She was nodding vigorously. “Good. Good.”

With that, you fell into silence, staring across the balcony at the faint lights of the city beyond the massive complex of the venue. You two sat like that before you nodded, mostly to yourself. “I’m ready. Let’s go back and watch our men one last time.”

When you got back, the song had changed to one of their new b-sides. Hosung gave you a worried look but you gave him a smile, sitting next to Yeri after replacing your mask. The five of you finished the show, cheering and screaming and singing along. 

For their last costume change, they were decked out in black suits with orange accents that were personalized to each member. You felt your heart stop as Yunho’s top was revealed to be backless during the choreography, showing off your matching tattoo. Screams and cheers echoed from the fans as Yunho gave a satisfied smirk to the crowd.

It was nearly 10 pm when the door opened and a staff member announced it was time to go. All of you quickly gathered your things. 

Anticipation was gathering under your skin, knowing you were minutes away from seeing Yunho again. Miyeon’s hand in yours was the only thing keeping you from running ahead of the staff member guiding you to the green room.

Once you had arrived, you refused to sit, instead choosing to pace and keep your gaze locked on the monitors that had a live feed of the final performance after you discarded your flannel and purse beside Miyeon on the couch. Doyeon and Yeri were entertaining Hosung, who was almost as excited as you were, despite the fact that he, San, and Wooyoung had moved into a new apartment a week ago and they saw each other everyday.

When the members froze in their final ending positions and the platform they were on began to descend, you shifted your focus to the door. You waited with bated breath for what felt like ages.

In reality it was only a minute before the door flew open. Yunho barrelled through, yanking his mic off and throwing it at the frantic manager who followed him. You ran at him, jumping into his arms as he placed one hand on your waist, the other on your thigh. With your legs wrapped around his waist, arms around his neck, you kissed him like it was your last chance. It was probably way too intimate for the setting you were in, but neither of you couldn’t help yourselves. 

Eventually you had to come up for air and you rested your forehead against his. “I missed you so much, love.”

“I missed you more, baby,” throats cleared behind you and Yunho sighed before he let you down after one more kiss that was a lot more appropriate for a semi-public setting. San and Wooyoung were waiting behind you. Hosung was between them, clinging both men.

“Hug. Now,” he said and you eagerly moved forward to let all three envelop you. As soon as they had, though, you regretted it.

“Ew sweaty!” Struggling against them was futile as San and Wooyoung were both stronger than you and Hosung was just giggling at your struggle. Yunho came to your rescue, pulling you from the group hug to tug you back against him. One of his arms stayed around your waist as you rested against his chest. His free hand took the water bottle that was offered to him.

“Oh so it’s not disgusting when it's him?” San gave you a mockingly offended look and Wooyoung slapped his arm.

“Of course not! She’s probably seen him much sweatier. You should know, you were his roommate!”

You buried your red face in your hands as Yunho chuckled behind you. When he finished drinking, he had slouched over to rest his head on your shoulder, still breathing heavily. 

You twisted in his arms to look at him, a hand coming up to cup his face. “You ok, Yun?”

He merely nodded and leaned into your touch, letting his eyes fall closed. You turned back to face the rest of the room, resting your head against his. Hongjoong was smiling like a lovestruck fool as he sat on the couch, letting Miyeon dab his sweat and flutter around him. San and Wooyoung seemed to have lost interest in you and Yunho, instead focusing on eying both each other and Hosung up and down as they all flirted. Doyeon and Yeosang were farther into the room, hiding from the mess of people as they conversed quietly and shared loving looks despite not physically touching each other. 

Movement caught your eye as Jongho and Mingi frantically searched for their phones in order to snap a photo of Yeri sitting sideways on Seonghwa’s lap as they made out. Your eyes went wide and you copied Jongho and Mingi, grabbing your own phone to take pictures of the pair. This would make great blackmail later on.

Yunho was stolen from you as one of the stylists insisted the boys change out of their costumes and get their makeup removed so they could go home sooner. He pressed a kiss to your cheek and allowed her to drag him towards one of the changing rooms in the back of the green room. She shoved him inside before continuing the task of collecting the rest of the men.

Yunho emerged with joggers and a sweatshirt on, dodging the makeup artist who had a wipe in his hand. “I can take my own makeup off, don’t worry. Gotta go.”

Before you could even say goodbye to the rest of the members and their partners, he was scooping your things off the couch and dragging you by the wrist into the hallway towards the exit. 

“What about-”

“I promise you will see everyone very soon, baby. Let’s go home.”

Without further complaint, you shifted so your hand was in his as the pair of you hurried down the nearly empty hallway. 

To your surprise, there wasn't a driver waiting for you. Instead, you were greeted with the sight of Yunho’s sleek black sedan. He led you over the passenger side and just when you thought he was going to open the door for you, he pressed your back into the cold glass. His lips were on yours, your hands knotted in his hoodie and his hands keeping your hips pressed tight to his.

“Yunho,” you broke away gasping for breath. “We’re in public.”

“Fuck,” he growled before kissing you again. This time, when he pulled away he did actually open the door for you. You got in quickly. He made his way around to the driver's side.

Once he was in and the doors were shut, he placed your bag and jacket at your feet before pulling you into a bruising kiss. 

He pulled away and without another word, started the car and immediately set off towards your apartment. His large right hand never left your thigh as he drove and at every red light he would kiss you senseless.

Your front door opened as the two of you stumbled inside, still locked together like you had been since the elevator had arrived at your floor. Kicking your shoes off proved to be difficult when your lips were stuck together, but you managed. When you broke for air, his lips went to your neck, sucking love bites underneath your jaw. As much as you loved the sensation, you had too much racing through your mind.

“Wait, Yunho,” he quickly pulled away from you, his hands still on your hips.

“What's wrong baby?”

You felt like you were on fire. Between your nerves about the present you had to give him and the heat pooling between your legs you could hardly think straight. “I-I have something for you.”

You took his hand and led him to your room. He let out a chuckle at the sight of your exploded suitcases from earlier but allowed himself to be sat on the edge of the bed.

You left him there to dig through the smaller of the two suitcases, producing the rectangular white box wrapped with a mint green ribbon. Clutching your prize, you made your way back to him. You stood in front of him, fidgeting with the box for a moment. 

“Y/n, what's this?” His hand reached up and you relinquished the box into his hand.

“A… a gift. One I’m really hoping you love,” you knew your nerves were showing on your face as you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I’ll love anything you give me,” he gave you one last smile before turning his attention to the shape in his hands. It looked so much smaller between his fingers than it had in yours.

You held your breath as he untied the ribbon, gently placing it beside him on the bed. Slowly and carefully, he lifted the lid. A million different emotions flashed across his face as he saw the contents. Confusion, shock, disbelief, hesitation, and finally, to your relief, happiness.

“Is this- are you,” he swallowed hard before starting again. “Is this real?

You nodded mutely. A moment passed before his hands were yanking you forward by the back of your thighs, his forehead resting against your sternum and his hand free hand migrating up to rest on your stomach.

“Oh my god,” his voice was quiet but it seemed to wake you from your daze. Carefully one of your hands caressed his head. After resting there for a moment he stood, holding you against him with the pressure of the arm still holding the box. His lips met yours, this time in a slow and loving dance.

“I’m pregnant,” you whispered into his mouth. He held you tighter at that comment. After kissing you for a while, he parted from you, setting the box holding the positive pregnancy test and the ultrasound of the small shape growing inside you beside the ribbon.

“I guess there's no better time to do this than now,” Yunho took a step back, digging in the pocket of his joggers. He produced a small, velvet pouch that he opened as he knelt on one knee. 

You couldn’t help the gasp and single tear that escaped you. With his eyes on yours, he pulled a silver band out of the pouch. It was thin and almost fragile looking. Two strands of silver branches cradled two small diamonds that were nested against each other. It was everything you could have hoped for.

“I was planning on stealing your parent’s numbers from your phone tonight to ask them for permission,”  his eyes were watery as they looked up at you as if you were his whole world. “And then I wanted to take you somewhere, somewhere we could walk on the beach and be totally alone.”

“It’s not the Victorian era, baby,” his words brought more tears to your eyes. “You don’t need my parents' permission.”

“I know, but I wanted my proposal to be as normal as possible,” he cringed slightly. “I also haven’t met them.”

That hadn’t even crossed your mind lately. Your parents knew you had a boyfriend, but that was about it. You had told them he was famous also and treated you well, but that you couldn’t tell them who he was for the safety and privacy of everyone involved. After a while, they had given up asking, but you knew they were curious. 

Oh god. His parents. You hadn’t met them either. The mere thought made you anxious. He had always been hesitant to bring them up around you. You’d heard the rumor that Korean parents didn’t allow their first born sons to marry foreigners plenty of times, but had never allowed yourself to think of it. You had figured that was a bridge you’d cross if the time came but here you were now, staring at that terrifying bridge.

As if he could sense your rising fear, he drew you back into the present with a gentle touch to your hand. The low light of your room illuminated half of his features, giving him both the look of the soft man you loved and the dark, passionate lover who stole your heart.

“We’ll deal with them later. The only people who matter now are you, me, and the little one who’s right here,” his hand not holding the ring traveled to rest over your stomach. “I didn’t have the time to rehearse my speech about how much I love you, but if I promise to perfect it and deliver it later, will you marry me, Y/n L/n?”

Before you even noticed you were moving, you fell to your knees and nodded. “Yes yes yes I will.”

His smile was blinding as he took your left hand, sliding the ring onto your ring finger. When it was settled, he pulled you into him, pressing his lips oh so sweetly to yours.

It wasn’t long until those soft, exploring kisses turned more intense. His hands were clutching you tighter to him. You felt him everywhere, surrounding you and filling your senses with nothing but Jeong Yunho.

When you broke for some much needed air, Yunho’s lips met your neck, leaving sweet, tender kisses instead of the harsh and heated bites and sucks he usually subjected you to. Not that you ever seriously complained, you loved those just as much as he did, but something about his touch now was more intense. Love poured out of his every action and you suspected his gentle movements were due to both the tenderness of the moment and the growing bundle of cells inside you.

As you panted, Yunho worked his way all the way down to the collar of your shirt before coming back up to rest his forehead against yours. “I love you,” he breathed out, eyes closed, panting just as hard as you were.

“Show me,” your words were breathy and pleading. His eyes snapped open, their proximity almost preventing you from seeing the way they darkened slightly, still holding all the love and feelings of before, but now tinged with longing.

“Gladly, baby.”

He laid you back on the plush rug at the foot of your bed. When he eased over you, his mouth returned to yours and your legs wound around his hips. One of his hands laced with your left as the other pushed every so slightly under the hem of the shirt you wore. It didn’t move much farther than your waist but just that small movement seemed to throw gasoline on the fire that was burning in you.

 You started whining into every slow and steady pass of his tongue over yours. Your back arched at a particularly aggressive probe of his tongue into your mouth. With your body pressed tighter to his, he broke the kiss with a groan. His head dropped down to rest where your neck met your shoulder. 

“I’m trying to be gentle with you, baby. I have to now.”

That drew a little chuckle from you. “I’m not going to break just because I’m pregnant.”

Another groan fell from his lips and his hips jerked into yours. “Say it again.”

“I’m pregnant,” your voice was weaker with need now.

He sat up onto his knees, both hands gripping your hips as you laid before him. “Thought you were on birth control?”

“Seems like you’re unstoppable, Yunho,” you were grinning at him.

His own smile twisted into a self satisfied smirk. “That I am.”

Soon enough, he had you stripped beneath him, back settled comfortably into the fluffy rug. He had removed his shirt when you whined about him being overdressed but had ignored your demands that he fucked you now. You were more than ready for him. The idea of the man in front of you, your boyfriend, no, fiance, fucking you so good he defeated your birth control was incredibly and twistedly hot.

With your mind lost in fantasy of the way he moved inside you, you missed him repositioning your legs as he laid between them. You only realized where he was when he pressed a kiss to your currently flat stomach. If you looked hard enough you could almost see the small bump. When you had looked up pictures of other people at your stage of pregnancy, most had noticeable bumps. Your doctor had quickly quelled your worries about not showing yet by telling you everyone experienced pregnancy differently and that you would start showing soon enough. 

Yunho didn’t seem to mind you weren’t really showing yet as he continued to pepper kisses across your stomach. His lips felt like they were burning in the best way possible. The heat was flowing through you, heading straight to your core.

It was when those plush lips of his connected with your clit that you truly thought you were losing your mind. Thankfully, he had decided that he didn’t care about going slow anymore. 

With his lips sucking and tongue giving you small licks, one of his long fingers inched its way into you. The only reason you weren’t thrashing was the broad hand that had settled on your stomach, applying just enough pressure to keep your lower half still. Through the haze that was invading your mind from the pleasure his mouth and fingers were bringing you, you reached one of your hands down to lace your fingers through his that were pressed against you.

He seemed to like this as the pace of both his lips, tongue, and finger sped up. The addition of a second finger into you had you whining. They were tilting up, hitting the perfect spot inside you while his tongue circled your clit. 

You could feel yourself rising higher and higher as he continued his work.

It was a combination of his eyes meeting yours and the knowledge that this was the man you would spend the rest of your life with, the man who had knocked you up, the man who cared for you, who broke the rules for you, who always put your wellbeing above his, that broke you. With tears in your eyes and his name on your lips you fell apart, gripping his hand tightly and shaking as he didn’t slow his movements until you were struggling to get away from him.

When he finally stopped his ministrations, you collapsed down, feeling boneless and light. Your reprieve didn’t last long as he was quickling lifting your limp legs over his thighs. With one swift movement, he pushed himself deep inside you, hips against yours. You let out a cry. It felt like you were having another orgasm all over again as your previous one had ended only a moment before.

His body fell over yours. He quickly took ahold of both of your hands, laying them by your head as his fingers threaded through yours. Thankfully, Yunho gave you a few minutes to adjust to his length before moving. In those precious moments of closeness, he kissed you, murmuring about how much he loved you between the slow movements of his mouth against yours. 

All it took was one nod from you after he gave a tentative thrust for Yunho to truly begin. This was nothing like your typical reunion sex. Usually it was hot and messy and rough as all the anticipation that had been building during your time apart was thrust to the surface. This sex was loving and soft.

Yunho kept his eyes on yours as every movement of his hips brought new sounds to your lips. Cries of his name were followed by ragged moans and high pitched whines that every slow, calculated, and deep thrust forced out of you.

At some point you had begun crying again from a combination of the heavenly pleasure he so easily brought you and the mounting emotions the evening had thrown at you. 

Yunho’s thrusts were starting to lose their calculated movements, falling into a faster, more unstable rhythm. He was nearing his high, but so were you again. When he gave a particularly hard thrust and your walls tightened around him, one of his hands left yours to find your clit. Immediately, you placed your now free hand in his hair, dragging him back to kissing you. 

With his lips against yours, his fingers rubbing circles against your most sensitive place, and his body crushing yours into the floor beneath you, you came. Hard. All the air in your lungs rushed out in one final moan. Your head dropped to the floor and your back arched. With your walls spasming around him and the sight of you, cumming beneath him, assaulting his senses, Yunho came with you.

His groans were loud as his body shook, from the orgasm he was racked by and the exhaustion of holding himself up after a four hour long concert. When he collapsed against you, he just barely managed to keep himself from fully crushing you. 

The two of you stayed like that for a while, allowing your highs to fully disappear before either of you dared to move. Until he realized with a start, that he was laying on you. More specifically, on your stomach. His sudden panic propelled him off of you. 

The suddenness of him pulling out of you, cock long since gone soft, drew shocked groans and gasps from the both of you and he landed on his ass between your still spread legs. 

“Yunho? What are you doing?”

“I-I was laying on you, on our baby,” he recovered from his shock and moved himself closer to fret over you, hands meekly darting from one spot to another, all over your body.

You were quickly growing cold from his lack of warmth but the words ‘our baby’ caused your heart to flutter. “I’m ok. We’re ok, I promise.”

That softened him and he gathered you into his arms. With his worry gone, the two of you stayed curled around each other for a while longer, until you noticed his eyes drooping.

“Bed time,” you announced as you peeled yourself away from him. Tentatively, you stood, and when your legs were steady enough, you moved to the bathroom to clean the mess between your legs. After a few years of unprotected sex with Yunho that had started when you’d both gotten tested, shortly after your relationship started and you got on what you had thought was reliable form of birth control, you were able to clean yourself up quickly and efficiently. 

You both still needed to shower, but upon your return to the bedroom, you gave up on that. Washing your sheets and taking a long bath tomorrow was favorable to dragging the giant that was dozing on the floor into the bathroom.

Prodding him with your foot quickly caused him to wake up. A smile took over the confusion on his face as you stood, naked over him. 

“Come on love,” with a little more poking, you got him into bed. With care, you placed the box containing the ultrasound and positive pregnancy test on the dresser nearby before you crawled in bed and weaseled your way into his arms.

He fell asleep fast, leaving you curled into his chest. Your mind drifted as sleep slowly took over. 

You dreamt of a house in the middle of an open field with Yunho chasing a little boy around the halls while you watched with the most content smile on your face that the world had ever seen.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hi hun! a little self-indulgent request, but would you be able to write a fic where eddie helps the reader during a panic attack? like maybe she’s dealing with a stressful situation and she doesn’t like asking for help so she kept all her emotions bottled up until she just brakes down. honestly, you can take this in any direction you want bc i trust your vision completely!

hope you’re doing well 🤍

Bestie, this is the perfect request to fulfill for me right now and I hope it can help you find some peace the next time you need it.

"Hey, Y/n, you in here?" A curious voice rings out across the women's bathroom and the door shuts loudly with a bang. My soft sniffles cease as my eyes flutter shut in frustration, not realizing he had followed me all the way out here.

"Eddie! This is the women's bathroom-"

"It's nine o'clock on a school night, sweetheart, no one cares but you." I pout, my fingers itching to reach out to turn the lock and let him into my stall but anxiety swirls in my belly at the sight of his sneakers under the door. He knocks gently on the door and I can sense that he's leaning up against the cool metal, sighing softly under his breath. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" He asks, his voice softer than usual and much kinder compared to the screeching that comes out of him in the middle of DnD campaigns.

"Just needed a breather." I huff, reaching up to wipe angrily at my eyes, wishing the pathetic tears would just stop so I wouldn't have to explain the mascara streaking down my cheeks.

"On the toilet? Kind of weird if you ask me-"

"Stop picking on me." I grumble, leaning against the door opposite of him, wanting nothing more than to reach through the metal and to link my fingers with his and to feel his arms around me in a moments notice at the sight of my red, teary eyes.

"Alright, alright." He laughs sheepishly and I can picture the blush that spreads across his cheeks, the blush that's almost evident in the way he speaks. "You can talk to me, ya know? It's the perk of being best friends with the biggest loner in all the land." He offers sweetly and my eyes flutter shut once more, a bittersweet smile stretching across my lips.

"There's just a lot going on." I mutter under my breath, a gentle weight being lifted off of my shoulders at the confession, not realizing until now how heavy all of my thoughts have been. I've always been good at holding them in until I talk about them and everything comes crashing down.

"Well, if you don't want to talk, do you want a hug?" He offers but I hesitate, my fingers reaching up to flick the lock and let him in but I don't, I just pause. "I'm notorious for my hugging skills." He hums, tapping once more at the metal.

"I guess I could use a hug." I sigh, opening the door slowly to reveal myself to Eddie, watching his eyes make a once over of me, his beautiful eyes saddening at the sight of me so tired and broken. He doesn't say anything, just reaches forward to pull me into his arms, wrapping them tightly around my waist and pulling me almost off of the ground. My arms don't hesitate to wrap around his neck, playing with the short curls at the back of his neck and I tuck my face into his shoulder.

"I've got you."

It's the three simple words that send me into a spiral, the tears leaving my eyes faster than I can control. He only holds me tighter though probably confused at my sudden out cry, my lips parting as sobs wrack through my trembling body. He grips my waist as if I'll evaporate into thin air but I hold him just as tight, like a lifeline that I never knew I needed until right now.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane2828 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi

@crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @minjix @luvrosee @storytellingwitht

[angstysebfan]

The One Where He Needs To Choose - 4

Pairing: Bucky x Female Reader

AU: Modern

Chapter Summary: Bucky needs to live with the consequences of his decision. Also I made a mistake last chapter. Bucky did not moan the readers name during sex, just in his sleep. I originally had it during sex and changed it but missed a sentence. So sorry!!!

A/N: So I came up with this story based off of an episode of Friends. I’m sure if you know Friends you will figure out which one eventually. It’s not a replica of the episode, but based on the subject. Hope you enjoy!

Series Masterlist

--

It’s been a few days since Bucky ended his friendship with you, and to say he was miserable was a true understatement. God he hates himself for what he has done. He hates every decision he has made over the last 5 years, hell longer than that! But now he needs to face the consequences, and boy are they deep.

Sam and Steve both called him and ripped him a new one after hearing what he did to you. They then informed him that their girls (Sharon and Wanda) don’t want to see him or Natasha anymore. While Sam and Steve will see occasionally see him, alone, he knows he has lost or altered all his friendships, and the thought makes what is left of his heart shatter more.

You’re not doing great either. You have barely left your bed since it happened. You’re still in shock that you lost him. You lost not just the love of your life, but your person. The one who was there through it all. All the heartbreaks, the parent deaths, the good, bad, ugly. The one you depended on and who depended on you above all others. 

Sharon and Wanda have been over every day since, to help you and be there for you. The expressed their anger and told you they will never speak to either of them again. After a few days Sam and Steve also came over and expressed how upset they are for you. You’re glad they aren’t cutting Bucky off completely, but respect them for wanting boundaries after this.

One night you had the whole gang over, well they kinda invited themselves. They hoped it would make you feel better to be surrounded by your friends, but in the end it made you sadder, since a key member of your friend group was missing. God, you missed him. You hated yourself for feeling so sad, but it was like a limb was missing. You’re in mourning, and you know you will eventually get angry, but right now you’re just sad.

--

After about 3 weeks you finally start getting into your new normal. While the pain of losing Bucky is still there, you are at least able to function. You decide to invite everyone out to the bar. It’s the one your group were regulars at. In fact you all sit in the same section every time you go. It’s reserved just for you. You’re happy to finally get out of the apartment, see your friends, laugh, and who knows, maybe find a hook up to get yourself out of this funk.

While you’re all sitting there, you notice Steve’s face pale as he faces the door. You turn and see Bucky and Natasha walk in, hand in hand. You quickly turn away, look at everyone and excuse yourself to the bathroom. When you walk in you look at yourself in the mirror and talk yourself out of your possible panic attack. After a few moments you start to feel better and walk out to see Bucky standing alone with your group, looking rather uncomfortable.

You both lock eyes, and you feel a mix of anxiety and comfort at the same time. It’s then that you suddenly realize how much pain this man has put you through over the course of your life. You don’t know what it is in this moment that makes you shift from sadness to anger, but you allow it to happen. 

“Y/N, hey,” he says softly. He feels he can finally breath again after finally looking at you. He knows he has missed you immensely, but seeing you for the first time, makes him realize how much he actually has missed you. He knows he made a grave mistake and doesn’t know if he will ever be able to fix it.

“Barnes. Are you staying or leaving to back to your wife. I just want to make sure she doesn’t cause a scene that I’m in the same bar,” you say with some sharpness in your tone.

Bucky’s eyes widen, “Um... She-she is over at a high top table. I just came over to say hi, and...”

“Well you said it, now please excuse us. We were enjoying ourselves,” you say interrupting him.

The rest of the group looks at Bucky and sees the pain in his face, but say nothing. You however are no longer looking at him, and sit back in your seat. Bucky looks around the group and sees the girls are not focused on you, and the guys are shaking their head at this situation. Bucky silently retreats from the people that were once his family, the people he used to count on, the people he pushed away from because he was stupid. He retreats from the love of his life that can barely look at him now. 

He walks back to Natasha who is sitting with her friends. He sits and listens to them gossip about people he doesn’t even know. Meanwhile he looks over at his friends and wishes more than anything that he could be there with them. With you. He feels like the group of you and your friends was his old happy life, and the group he is sitting with now is his new miserable life. It’s his fault, and he knows it. 

But can he fix it?

--

The next morning was Saturday, and you enjoyed the laziness of the day. After you laid in bed for awhile, you got up to watch some shows you’ve missed. After about an hour of TV you heard a knock at the door. You get up to answer and when you open the door the breath leaves your lungs.

“Hi,” Bucky says sheepishly, barely able to look you in the eye.

It reminds you of the day he ended your friendship and allows the anger to light up again.

“What do you want?” you hiss.

“I was hoping we could talk for a second. There is so much that I need to say, and apologize for,” he says.

You stare at him for a moment, contemplating shutting the door in his face, but a part of you wants to hear what he has to say. You silently open the door wider and allow him access into your apartment. He walks in and sits on his chair.

“You’re free to take that chair, by the way. I was going to sell it,” you say.

Bucky looks down in shame and then back at you with tears in his eyes. You’re surprised that it has little effect on you.

“Yea, I don’t blame you. I’m sure you want to burn every memory of me, and you should. I-I’m so...” Bucky stops, wipes his tears, and takes a deep breath. “I’m so fucking sorry for everything, Y/N. I should have never allowed Natasha to dictate who I can be friends with. Especially with you! You’re the most important person in the world to me. I...” he stops and sighs.

“I’m getting a divorce. We- after the bar, we had a big fight. I never should have married her. I was stupid and because of my actions I lost my friends, my wife, and the... the love of my life,” he says the last part quietly.

“If Natasha is the love of your life, than why divorce her?” you ask.

“I’m not talking about Natasha,” Bucky says looking you straight in the eye.

You stand up and start pacing, the anger inside you burning. “So let me get this straight. You’re telling me that you’re in love with me? You dated and married someone else, you ended your friendship with me because of that person, and yet you’re in love with me?!” you yelled.

Bucky winced, “I know I’m an idiot! I’m an asshole, and I get why you’re pissed. You deserve to be, you deserve to hate me. I-I’ve been in love with you forever, but I never thought you felt the same. I married Natasha because I didn’t think you would want me! I was stupid and I hurt everyone because I’m too chicken shit,” he says.

“Surely, you had to know I’ve been in love with you forever! I mean Bucky, I’ve hated every girlfriend you’ve had. Hell they hated me!” you yell as you pace.

Suddenly a thought comes to your head and you stop and look at him, “My ex’s. They all said you made them uncomfortable, and I thought it was just our friendship, but was there more that I don’t know?” you ask.

Bucky looks down in shame, knowing you’re not going to react well, “I-I uh, I mean...” he stutters.

“Oh my god, Bucky! I’ve been supportive of every fucking relationship you’ve been in, even though I didn’t like them. I never tried to make them feel uncomfortable cause your happiness was everything to me!” you yell and start to cry. “But you have ruined every single relationship I’ve had, except Jeremy, and then you go off and marry someone else?! And you have the gall to tell me it’s cause you love me? That’s not love!” you yell.

“I’m sorry. I would get jealous and say something stupid thinking I would finally tell you how I feel, but then I would chicken out! I didn’t know you felt the same way. You never told me!” he says.

You stop for a second and the fire inside you starts to die. He’s right. You didn’t say anything either. “We’re both idiots, then,” you say as you finally deflate and sit down.

Bucky looks at you, “I’m the bigger one. I hurt a woman who I vowed to be with forever, and I hurt you. I thought if I couldn’t have you, then Natasha was a good second choice. I never took her feelings into consideration which shows was a fucking asshole I am. Though she knew it and still married me,” he says shaking his head.

“She knew?” you ask.

“Yeah, that’s why she told me to end my friendship with you. She knew how much I loved you. I apparently dream about you a lot and called out to you in my sleep. She thought if you were out of the picture that... maybe we could be ok. I was an idiot to agree. I know I hurt you in more ways than one, and I am so sorry, Y/N,” he says.

You look at him and see that he means what he is saying. The fight in you is completely gone now, and a broken heart is all that’s in it’s wake.

“I know you’re sorry Buck. I know. But, you really hurt me. I can’t just...” you stop as tears start to fall.

Bucky gets up and moves next to you on the couch, “I know it might take some time, but please. I’m begging you to let me make things right with us. Let me prove to you how sorry I am,” he says. 

You look at him for a moment before leaning in and doing what you’ve wanted to do for years. You kiss him softly on the lips. After a moment the kiss turns more passionate, but you break it before it can go too far. You open your eyes and see Bucky looking even more hopeful.

“I can’t just forgive you, Buck. It’s going to take a long time, and even then I don’t know if I will ever forgive you for breaking my heart. You broke me, Bucky. You were the one that was supposed to always be there for me, but you left me. I honestly don’t know if there is a way back from that,” you say.

Tears are pooling down Bucky’s face as he takes in what you’re saying. He was hoping that after your talk you both would at least be on a path to redemption, but you are now telling him that it may never happen. How could have done this to you? He hates himself for this.

“I know you’re sorry, and while I may forgive you at some point, I honestly don’t know if we will ever be able to be what we were or more, ever. I love you. I love you so much that I can barely breath, but that’s what made your decision hurt so much. Because if you really loved me, like you claim, you couldn’t have hurt me to the extent that you did.

You really broke me. I couldn’t get up out of bed for 2 weeks. I barely ate. Hell, our friends had to force me to do anything. Sharon and Wanda were here daily, making sure I was taking care of myself. So, while I know you’re sorry, I just can’t imagine ever trusting you again,” you say.

Bucky breaks down and sobs next to you. The weight of what you went through because of him, and the fact that he can’t fix it weighing heavily on him. He has ruined his own life, and while he is sure after some time you will come out of this better and will have a happy life, he also knows he will never be happy again. And that will be his cross to bear, his punishment for his stupidity.

After he finally calms down, Bucky gets up and walks to your door. He turns and looks at you one more time, “I am truly sorry,” he says.

You nod, “Yea, me too,” you say.

He nods, opens the door and leaves. When he gets to his car, he sits there for an unknown amount of time, and just cries. You also cry but call the girls to tell them what’s happened. You also ask Steve and Sam to check on him, and make sure he is ok. 

After hanging up you sit there and replay everything. You know you’re right about it all, and while you wish you could just accept his apology and take him back, you also know in your heart that you will never trust him to not hurt you again.

So you allow yourself another cry and decide it was finally time to move on from James Bucky Barnes. While maybe in the future you can allow him back in your life in some capacity, you know it will never be the same.

--

Ok, so.... I had an idea but decided to hold off on an alternate ending instead. I know how I wanted to end things, but I didn’t want to do the same shit I do every time, so I hope you enjoyed this, maybe it broke your heart, maybe you are pumping your fist in the air cause she finally stood up for herself. Whatever your reaction is, I will put my original idea next for an alternate ending, and then you can decide which one you like better.... lmao! Feedback is appreciated.

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[lesbianpanic]

Stina's anxiety

One thing not many people know about Stina is that she has anxiety. The only people that know are her Swedish teammates, Jonas Eidevall, the Arsenal manager, and some of the coaches and wellbeing staff. She kept it hidden very well as it often wasn't a problem whilst at arsenal, normally peaking on international duty as she felt as if there was more pressure on her. 

Today was a weird day. Stina had woken up with a heavy feeling in her chest. She hated this feeling with a burning passion. It lingered all day, sometimes lasting weeks, and it left her having to use more effort to breathe than what was normally necessary. It also left her feeling nervous. Nervous that she might have an anxiety attack, or worse. 

She stood in her bathroom, hands firmly holding onto the sink in front of her as she breathed deeply in and out. She stared at her face in the mirror and tried to reassure herself that everything was going to be fine and that this was just her body playing tricks on her. She had gotten ready earlier than necessary, just so she could try and calm herself down. They were playing Leicester city at meadow park, so the drive was not too far. She was happy that it was a home game in a place she was so familiar with. 

When it was time for her to leave, Stina took one final deep breath before locking her front door and walking out to her car. It was warm-ish outside for the first time in a while which lifted her mood slightly as she got into her car. The drive was uneventful. Stina had the radio on quietly in the background as she drove, focussed on the road, the game later, and her breathing. Once she arrived, she sat in her car for a few minutes. She could not understand why she felt so uncomfortable in her own body. Nothing had happened, so why did she feel like this? She got out of the car and greeted the media staff as she walked into the building, then walked straight to the changing rooms to meet her teammates. Hearing the music, chatter and gentle laughter managed to make Stina forget about the heavy feeling in her chest as she walked into the changing room. After exchanging some greetings, she changed like everyone else and got ready to warm up. 

That's when it started to go downhill. During warmup, Stina could barely focus, the heavy feeling in her chest back. She was also feeling the slightest bit nauseous, a feeling she felt more regularly than she would have liked. It was getting to the point that with every minor movement she felt as though she was going to throw up, and it was making her anxiety worse. She decided it was getting unbearable, and so she made her way swiftly back into the changing rooms, not noticed by the other players. 

Once inside she made a beeline for the bathroom, going into the furthest cubicle before locking the door and sitting down on the floor. Her hands were shaking and she was breathing really heavily, trying not to throw up. Stina felt frustrated and upset, she had no idea why she was feeling like this. Suddenly she leant forward and gagged painfully, producing a small mouthful of sick which she spat into the toilet. Stina started to cry, a mixture of feeling anxious and sick and uncomfortable. 

As the rest of the team filtered into the changing rooms to get ready for the match, Stinas absence became apparent when she did not sit down in her cubby like the rest of the team. 

“Where’s Stina?” Alessia asked, as she noticed the cubby next to hers still empty. Everyone's eyes went straight to the empty cubby, and there were some worried murmurs of “I'm not sure” and “I don't know”. They were all very unaware of Stina’s situation in the bathroom. 

“I think I know where she is, but don't follow me,” Lina spoke before getting up and walking into the bathroom. Everyone in the changing room shared confused looks as she left the room. 

Once the door was closed, Lina called out “Stina, are you in here?” the swede did not verbally reply, opting instead to breathe in and out INCREDIBLY heavily, hoping that her teammate would hear her. Luckily, Lina had heard her, and guessed the situation that Stina was in, so that was all the confirmation that she needed. Lina walked to the furthest cubicle and knocked on the door. Once she heard the lock unlocking, she slowly pushed the door open. 

Stina sat, leant against the wall with her knees up to her chest. She was shaking, crying and on the verge of hyperventilating. Lina could smell the smell of sick and made an educated guess on what had happened. (SPOILER ALERT: she was correct). She knew instantly that Stina was having a pretty bad anxiety attack, almost a panic attack. Lina sat down next to Stina and pulled her body into her side and rubbed her hand over Stina’s arm and whispered swedish words of comfort into her ear, which seemed to help. Once Stina was drastically calmer, Lina felt alright to leave her and go and get Jonas. As she left the bathroom, she stood outside the door and looked around. Most people were focused on getting ready for the game so didn’t notice her, but Lia did and came over.

“Is she alright?” Lia asked.

“I’m not sure,” Lina replied. “Can I ask a favour? Could you make sure no one goes in the bathroom so I can go and get Jonas?”

“Of course”

Lina briskly exited the changing rooms and found Jonas in the corridor outside. She quickly explained the situation to him and they both hurriedly entered the changing rooms and went straight back to the bathrooms, Lia letting them pass. As they were walking to the end cubicle, they heard a cough, and the sound of liquid hitting the toilet bowl. Lina and Jonas shared concerned looks before knocking on the cubicle door, Lina announcing that Jonas was with her. There was no response from Stina, however the door was unlocked, so they pushed it open. Stina’s breathing was still thready and very heavy, but they put it down to her just throwing up. She was still shaking slightly and had a few tears running down her face, but it wasn't as worrying as earlier. Jonas leant over and flushed the toilet whilst Lina crouched down and comforted the poor swede. 

“I was going to bring you on in the second half but I'm not now. The rest of the team has to walk out soon, but I'm not expecting you too,” Jonas paused, Stina not replying verbally but nodding slightly, showing she understood what he was saying. Jonas carried on. “Don’t feel as though you need to stay for the duration of the game. Go home as soon as you want to, but I do want to speak to you about this on monday. I hope you're feeling better,” he smiled and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. Jonas walked out of the bathroom and Lina looked at Stina. 

“Do you want to go back into the changing rooms and get a drink? You'll feel better after you get some fluids in you.” 

“Sure,” Stina responded extremely quietly. They both got up, Stina relying heavily on Lina to keep her upright, and walked slowly into the changing room. Everyone turned to look at them as they did they’re final things before lining up. Stina buried her head into Lina’s neck, hating all the eyes on her. The team seemed to get the message and all turned away as Lina sat Stina down and Kim wordlessly handed her a water bottle and an electrolyte drink. 

“I need to get ready to go on, but i'll come and check on you in like 20 minutes, if you haven’t gone home. If you do go home before I see you, text me to tell me you’re alright,” Lina said as she gave a smile to Stina, which she somewhat returned. Once Lina left and she was the only one in the changing rooms, Stina took a deep breath in and out, and began to pack up her stuff. She still felt pretty awful and did not feel like hanging around. Once she was done she shot a text to Lina to tell her she had gone home. She then got in her car and drove home, dreading the talk with Jonas on monday.