#i have never been normal about her the entire time weve been friends but i PROMISE

[yukippe]

I am so normal (guy who has to make being normal about people his new years resolution)

[not-goldy]

Tumblr please bring back my update.

It was a long ass post too and Tumblr jx sweeped it under the rugs damn

So Re my gf's dialog of doom- FALSE ALARM😭😭😭

Sis jx wanted to know what I wanted to do on my birthday💀

But like why did she say it like that cos I peed pooped puked pivoted ALL THE BIG P's at the same time😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sis don traumatized me in this relationship 🤧

Anyone who knows what's been going on between us last year. weve been going through this process close to and near my birthday that ends with us breaking up- and then getting back together.

It's very simple, she missed my birthday last year ND the year before that. No post no greetings no calls nothing. So what did I do? Nothing. Didn't complain didnt ask questions. NOTHING.

And it hurt cos I used to do everything for her on her birthday to let her know I be feeling her like that- and honestly I just think it's nice to do nice things for people you care about and her birthday is jx an excuse for me to show her I care and give her experiences and moments ya know?

I don't know. May be it's my mistake I keep giving her the love I want for myself and I keep loving her in ways I never had.

Anywho, I had had enough of her analysis retentive attitude so close to her birthday, I got her all excited, called up her friends to let them know I was planning something for her. I even asked if they wanted to come cos I knew they would tell her either way. they a bunch of clowns really🤡

On her birthday, she cleared her schedule and seemed in a really good mood- I cleared my schedule too( we worked together then, she's my boss so she definitely knew I cleared my schedule that day)

Then on her birthday, I took myself out on a nice getaway staycation got me some nice lingerie pampered my back and toes, had those feet fetishized and love kissed by them cute weird freaky feet eating fishes with foot fetish, strolled through long halls naked under the robe with a glass of wine, and let my phone ring on silence.

Came back n acted like I'd been out with people and had the time of my life.

You can't stress me out and expect me not to love myself.

I'LL LOVE MYSELF ON YOUR BIRTHDAY😘

This year. I totally forgot she's a March born like I stopped caring bout her birthday n I wasn't even trying to be petty or nuin😭😭😭😭😭

I just don't care anymore 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

So when she said we needed to talk, turns out she just wanted to talk about that and call it truce cos she says she can't keep going through that year after year.

And frankly I can't either cos I be having my entire heart ripped out of my chest it be looking like a homicide inside my ribcage- but it doesn't stop me from returning the energy on her birthdays too cos I'M PETTY AS FUCK DUDE

I'm a Libra don't mess with me. I'll take the L, go through all the motions, feel that hurt and pain and betrayal and when I'm done- RUN

ILL GEAR UP AND SERVE YOU HOT STEAMING PILE OF LAVA BOILING REVENGE COOKED STRAIGHT FROM HELL'S COLD KITCHEN😌

She asked me what my plans are for my birthday and I honestly have nothing planned at all- I jx want to be quiet and alone and watch Netflix.

She's hurt cos she says I used to want to do things together with her on my birthday.

I don't know if I've changed like she says but frankly as much as I love her I don't enjoy being with her anymore.

I'd rather spend my birthday alone, do things alone- I love her want her- it's just I'm scared of another fight and yet again another break up and if us being distant is the only way we can have a semblance of a normal relationship then I'll take that.

And I'll rather have this than not have her at all.

Chilee I don't know anymore.

Also yall quit complaining bout me bringing my drama to your doorstep. Like yall have audacity hanging around my blog for free 99 and expecting relative peace and drama free services😹😹😹😹😹

Say it after me, We all in this together

Mi drama is su drama adios 😘😆

[theatrekidenergy]

Can I scream to the void at you please? Thank you so much

(vent(?) more of a ramble but yk what I mean I’m just shouting at the void like I’m chill now dw)

Had a panic attack earlier during a lesson with a coach and then had a break down in the car to my mom and stuff about how I felt like I had no skill and would never be able to get good enough and so much more because of what a coach said but besides that this post is super unorganized but I’m overwhelmed and just need this off my chest, anyways my mom listened to me but after I calmed down a bit she offered to talk about my current hyperfixation with me (Jekyll and Hyde) so I played literally 4 songs from the musical with Warlow and was feeling great, like stopped crying and was belting out the lyrics and ranting about it, had a lovely time and I love my mom with my entire heart. Anyways I guess I just needed to yell into the void this week has been a rollercoaster of emotions, I met a guy and I adore him and he’s so sweet and weve been texting lots and might practice together soon and just hjsudhejsujwitehbw, on the other hand I got involved lastbnight when my older brother figure’s friend tried committing suicide and I had to walk them through and convince them to call 911 and the second I finally got them to call we found out they were overdosing and the paramedics got to them just in time since they were alone so I’ve just been really overwhelmed and needed to yell at the void but yeah my coach (who I don’t even normally have, like I’ve had her twice in total she was just the only one with available lessons today) told me I wasn’t even trying and so I broke down and told her about last night and how I feel so stressed and overwhelmed and feel like I’m not good at anything and had an anxiety attack in front of her and it was really embarrassing and later on and she texted me mom about it later but yeah I got to rant abt Jekull and hyde and deel bettee now isnt ADHD somdthing???

But on a positive note cause I hate being negative:

- The guy is so sweet and kind and his dog is adorable

- I have all A’s!!! I’m so happy abt that

- My mom is getting me new black skates (for non skaters; I have white skates right now since only black ones were out of stock but black skates are worn traditionally by men so she’s letting me get the men’s skates and I feel so happy!!)

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #6: a5a2 part 2

this shit is so trippy and weird and honestly scary im actually scared. the context for the first image is that jade is entering a dream bubble for the first time since her dream self is dead. the second image is daves dreamself looking into the void and seeing like the horrorterrors. and then jade sees them too somehow in the dream bubble.... its honestly horrifying and has me quite perturbed.

it seems like she is also perturbed. and PISSED AWF

IM INCLINED TO AGREE WITH HIM. SUDDENLY HE SEEMS SENSIBLE AND NORMAL I WOULD SAY. I WOULD CALL HIM THESE THINGS.

this is so funny i thought this was just a jade karkat and future karkat interaction but then fucking dave just Appears out of nowhere . so cool

LOOK AT MY SON (do not look at his computer. we wont talk about it) HE IS SO REAL

okay so theres been tons happening but im pretty sure i never got an explanation as to why daves bro is just randomly on LOWAS (land of wind and shade) . and why jack knew he was there. like what are these freaks doing on my sons planet. should i keep calling him my son. gay daughter or thot son

hate these guys but love sword fights so net neutral (secretly cool)

DAVE SPRITE!!! weird that he also knew to come to lowas. i feel like i may be missing some critical information

they are so cute

this is how i talk to my friends on the internet. except maybe with meows

oh god i think this is where everything goes to shit . with umbral ultimatum as the soundtrack. really good song! anyway. gonna watch this now

this is so bad oh man oh god

well. at least theres this. L mans

stop talking to gray text stupid dumb. i think the fact that i find this funny proves that my brain needs to be studied

wow check out this awesome panel. vriska IS the fire. the irons.... are john? irons in the fire. its the thing she always says. i uh i think i lost the metaphor

YESSS HE DID IT HE DID THE [redacted]

what a fucking crazy amount of wind my son has just summoned. that is so much wind. its covering the whole planet!!!!

i love how matter of fact he is about it. like oh this giant swirling vortex covering my entire planet? oh i did that? oh thats cool.

i never read into this before but damn its crazy that feferi is dead here cause the last time we saw her she was literally fine. what could have happened..... ( i already know)

OH HELLYES . HELL FUCKING YES I LOVE THIS SONG

me to your fucking house

dawwwwww

no need to serve this hard??? but pop off i guess....

not you too....

er okay tavros just tried to make jade his girl friend without even really knowing her and he was being really annoying and kind of an asshole while doing it and then she let him down nicely but then vriska was like bro that was the worst thing i have ever seen and was very VERY mean to him about it (maybe even more than he deserved) and then admitted to being the reason why jack noir is a super powerful evil creature now AND BONUS SHE GOT A VERSION OF DAVE KILLED >:((((

i dont wanna dwell on that though because one of my favorite parts of the comic is coming up right now :3

fun fact: "heir transparent" "doctor" and "planet healer" are all songs of john egbert :D

ANYWAY ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!YESSSSSSSSILOVE GAMING !!!! SBURB

8888)

he did it :)

i think this is a good place to end this one . general thoughts right now? huge. pog. things are happening. plans are being formed. i kind of glossed over them but rose and dave are planning to explode the green sun. john just went god tier. and jade is finally in. on the trolls side of things we finally understand why their session went wrong at the last moment, but it seems like even more has gone wrong since weve seen them last? feferi is dead. tavros wants to kill vriska. what could possibly happen next. tune in next time . i dont know when it will be. probably tomorrow. what with all the waiting i'll be doing.

[sixtyeightdays]

Only you, Marinette. Only you.

in which marinette lifts thors hammer with no knowledge of how great it is to wield mjolnir 😔✋🏻

kind of crappy but thats okay

-

Normally, when Tony Stark's name was brought up, the following words would be either 'Avengers', 'Iron Man', or something along the lines of cool and amazing.

But this time, as Tony Stark's name fluttered through the compound of College Francois Dupont, the following words were 'Why her', 'What happened', and'Marinette Dupain-Cheng'.

See, throughout Lila's entire reign at Francois Dupont, unknowingly to the Italian, a certain bluenette had been giving her and all of her classmates choices.

Lila chose to ignore Marinette's warning.

Alya chose to believe Lila and cut off all ties with Marinette.

Nino chose to follow Alya and ignore Marinette.

Adrien chose to remain quiet for fear of Lila getting akumatised.

The class chose to believe Lila, drinking up her lies and claimed connections to celebrities that'll 'boost their careers in the future'.

Now, Marinette wasn't normally one to show off her connections to the world, unlike Lila, who lied about celebrities with every breath she took.

No, Marinette preferred not to mention her celebrity contacts.

However, this time, she had thrown all caution out the window and texted him.

-

mari <3

cant wait to see all of you soon!

do you think you can pick me up at my school drop off point after i end school instead of the bakery next week?

the one and only

sure thing, mari

everyone misses you too and they cant wait to see you again

any reasons why the sudden change though

mari <3

no reason

-

It was a week before he arrived. A week full of taunts and bullying from the people who used to be her friends.

But the day had come, and Marinette was about to leave this place for the summer, and was finally going to be where she wanted to be again.

It was the last period, and Marinette, having finished her work already, started on a new design. She had just finished it when the door crashed open, making Mlle. Bustier and the class jump.

The shock turned into exciting adoration, however, as standing there in all his glory were the Avengers.

Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Thor, and of course, Tony Stark. Pepper was also there, trailing behind with Natasha who were muttering about how dramatic the boys were.

Alya immediately jumped to her feet, fumbling for her phone that she held with shaking hands, and started a livestream.

'Hi everyone! It's your Ladyblogger here, and today the Avengers came to visit! Oh, I bet Lila got them to come, she is Tony Stark's goddaughter after all.'

No one noticed Marinette snort into her palm.

Max gaped at his idol in the doorway, his glasses sliding off his face in his shock before he hastily placed them in it's proper position.

Thor ignored the reporter, making his way to the back of the class where Mari sat, placing his hammer on top of Mari's sketchbook, much to her chagrin.

The devious smile the god gave her confirmed that he did it on purpose, and Mari smacked him in the arm and glared at him.

'Was it really necessary to break down the door?' She deadpanned, unimpressed.

Alya gasped. 'Marinette! Don't be so rude to the Avengers! They're here for Lila, not you.'

Thor frowned in confusion. 'Who is this.. Lila you speak of?'

Alya gasped again. 'She's Tony Stark's goddaughter!' She frowned at the god disapprovingly.

'She spends her summers there, how could you not recognise her?' The Italian in question was sinking into her seat, regretting the lie she told.

Tony clicked his tongue.

'I have a goddaughter, yes, but it isn't this Lila girl. I have never heard of a Lila. No, I'm here for Marinette, my actual goddaughter.' He shot a pointed look to Alya at the last bit, before he and everyone else walked over to Mari.

Pepper passed by Alya and handed out two stacks of papers.

Alya cautiously picked it up and Pepper said, 'These are lawsuits for both you and Lila. It is for defamation and slander of different celebrities, as well as spreading false information.'

Alya gaped at the blonde as she made her way up the stairs to where Mari and everyone else was before turning to Lila with a glare.

'Were you lying the whole time?'

The class erupted in shouts at the girl, until she broke and called out that Adrien had known, but didn't say anything.

'It was for the best! Her lies weren't hurting anyone!'

'I didn't submit my music portfolio because Lila said she'd guaranteed me a spot.' Nino uttered quietly, realising that he had lost a chance to have his big break.

Mylene looked gobsmacked. 'I passed up the offer of meeting Alexander Hamilton because Lila said she'd get him to meet me for free.'

One by one, the students began listing everything they missed out because of Lila's lies, from Alix not being able to be in the X-Games like she was promised, to Kim, who had quit his swim team because Lila told him she'd get Michael Phelps to train him personally.

Adrien cracked and admitted that yes, he was wrong, but Marinette knew too!

The class suddenly remembered Marinette.

Marinette, who had been telling them all along that Lila was lying.

Marinette, who they had bullied because they thought she was jealous.

Marinette, who was scolding Tony Stark right now, wait what?

Sure enough, the bluenette was reprimanding the billionaire, who's head was hanging low like a kicked puppy, with Natasha smirking in the corner.

'I told you to come after school! There's still 15 minutes before school ends, Uncle Tony, you couldn't wait another 20 minutes?'

He hung his head and Steve snickered, until Marinette turned to him.

'Why did you let him come so early? I thought you were the responsible one.' She pinched the bridge of her nose.

The class took advantage of the momentary silence to swarm Marinette, until the Avengers glared at them and they backed away slightly.

'Girl, we're so sorry for believing that liar! Will you forgive us? We'll be best friends again.' Alya looked excited, a gleam in her eye.

'Do you think you can get me an interview with Tony Stark?'

Marinette looked at her in disbelief.

'So you want to be my friend again, just because I'm Tony's goddaughter.' Pepper and Natasha looked furious as well, while Tony eyed his goddaughter's class.

Steve placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder.

'Besides, Marinette already has a best friend.'

Alya spluttered. 'Who?'

A swarm of black and blue flew into the room and crashed into Marinette, causing her to fall back into her seat.

'Peter!' She laughed. 'MJ! Ned! Great to see you guys too!'

Peter smiled gave her a brotherly kiss on the cheek, while MJ gave her a hug and Ned fistbumped her.

'Oh! That reminds me, MJ, I'm done with the design for the dress you wanted! Let me show you!' Mari looked around for her sketchbook before noticing it under Thor's hammer.

Thor, noticing this, moved his hand forwards to pick up the hammer, but his jaw dropped as Marinette easily picked up the hammer with one hand, holding it up while she moved the sketchbook underneath it away before placing it back on the table.

She flipped through the pages of it, not noticing the shocked looks on her classmates and family's faces, and the pale face of Lila. She had become enemies with a girl who could lift Thor's hammer!

Alya, who was still live streaming, looked like a fish, and her hands, which were still raises in the position of recording, trembled.

Marinette let out a small 'aha!' when she found the page she was looking for, and looked up to see her friend's shocked face.

She frowned. 'Do you not like it?'

Adrien, still rather astonished, spluttered out. 'Marinette.. you just lifted Thor's hanmer!'

At the sound of his name, the god snapped out of his stupor, and lifting his hammer, he pointed at the bluenette. 'She is worthy! I must take her to Asgard with me!'

Marinette cocked her head. 'It's just a hammer and it wasn't even that heavy. Now you big babies, let's go back to New York!'

She grabbed MJ's hand before picking up her bag and running out, she and MJ excitedly chattering about the dress, Marinette having not understood the implications of lifting Thor's hammer, and MJ, who had seen weirder things in her life.

The Avengers, Ned and Peter blinked before filing out of the room slowly, following the excited bluenette and brunette.A certain blonde god staring at nothing in particular.

'She doesn't know what lifting my hammer means?' He snorted. 'Only you, Marinette. Only you.'

-

well yeah there isnt exactly a ship for this but i wanted to write something where mari lifts thors hammer bc i dont see enough of those

mj and peter are together, in case u didnt know

kind of lost interest in the end but thats okay lmao so the endings kinda crappy but i think weve established that i cant write for shit

thank u for coming to my tedtalk ok byee

[wearethewinx]

fate episode 6 spoilers below

admittedly that opening shot slaps. like that immediately makes me curious

bloom why are you looking. everywhere but at the glowing pillar in front of you

LOL WHOOPS

AISHA ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. WRITERS ARE U FOR FUCKING REAL. THIS IS NOT MY GIRL

lol dowling thats what happens when u liiieeeeee

jfdlsfjlds terras dad being so stumped by her completely correct rebuttal that he just says 'you need to cool down'

'sorry you have to be visible to have a point of view' that line really made it into the script huh

theyre REALLY gonna make aishas first and only autonomous act in this entire show be to snitch on her friends

oh so there are witches huh. is that how were doing this huh. oh my god this is so unnecessarily complicated and confusing? this is. ridiculous? why wouldnt anyone else know about the witches? how does them being witches give rosalind the right to murder them all? HOW IS BLOOM OK WITH THIS LADY JUST SAYING 'yeah i lied and killed them all because only fairies are allowed to do magic' HWAT THE FUCK

*sky voice* i am literally so fucking stupid and boring its unreal

lol even sam is like 'terra shut up'

see i dont wanna be so mean to terra but shes explicitly written to be as annoying as humanly possible? people keep telling her theyre not interested and she just mows right over them completely not caring EVERY time

oh bloom is growing a braincell now huh

'only vanessa and michael could give you love' YOU CALL THAT LOVE? YOU CALL THAT SHIT LOVE? WHERE ARE THE WRITERS ILL FUCKING KILL THEM

me, every time: weve gotta be getting close to the end now right weve been here at least forty minutes

the timestamp, every time: 21:30

HOW is it possible for a show to drag this much? six hours feels like 18

nobody told the caption writer that rivens name is riven not 'riv'

stella being like 'WE shouldve never gotten back together WE are codependent and toxic' gurl,,,,,,,, You

rly have to stress that bloom listened to rosalind talk and was like 'oh genocide? well thats totally understandable, i trust you implicitly. here i was thinking you were just a regular mass murderer!'

WHY ARE THERE NO MAGIC PAINKILLERS. WHY IS THE ONLY WAY TO EASE SOMEONES PAIN FOR MUSA SPECIFICALLY TO TAKE IT ON

ALSO TERRA FUCK. YOU. FOR EVEN THINKING THAT, MUCH LESS SAYING IT OUT LOUD

how does the solarian royal family have a magic teleportation ring but they cant move troops across their country in less than 2 days

*bloom voice* come on sluts im gonna put you all in danger

PLEASE let sky miserably wail 'YOU KILLED MY FATHER' please god let it happen PLEASE

damn ok i actually REALLY like skys reaction here. unironically well written, very believable. even a stopped brain has good ideas twice an episode i suppose

love that musa only gets dignified with the slightest sliver of backstory in this, the final episode

STILL only HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE. THIS IS SICK TIME DILATION FUCKERY

flora isnt supposed to be the loose canon of the winx for fucks sake

ok but WHAT ARE THE BURNED ONES. WHERE ARE THEY FROM. WHY DO THEY CARE ABOUT BLOOM. EVEN SHE HASNT ASKED YET! ARENT YOU CURIOUS ISNT ANYBODY CURIOUS

bloom: yeah rosalind unleashed the burned ones to attack us all but i totally trust that she told me the truth about how to stop them

blooms wings look FUCKING STUPID those arent even wings theyre just random red blobs with a mesh pattern

i guess im glad we actually GOT wings but my god is this a disappointment as wings go

also @ everyone in the tag calling this a 'transformation': are we watching the same fucking show lol. having fire swirl around you isnt a transformation. TRANSFORMING. is what makes it a transformation. absolutely nothing changes about her except having a couple blowtorches on her back

CANT STRESS ENOUGH THAT BLOOM KEEPS HEARING PEOPLE ADMIT TO MURDER AND RESPONDING WITH 'OH it was just MURDER lol thank god'

'bloom transformed' nO SHE DIDNT THAT WASNT A TRANSFORMATION OH MY GOD

ok but why WOULDNT rosalind reveal exculpatory information when it benefited her lol. why are you idiots believing her. why are you accepting that as a justification

'ive been a brat' OH SO YOU ADMIT IT

'can we hug' very normal request bloom especially considering the circumstances /s

my mom would flip her lid if i invited four friends over w/o asking in advance and then put her on the spot abt whether they can stay the night, and thats WITHOUT the added context that BLOOMS MOM THINKS THESE ARE HER SCHOOL FRIENDS FROM S W I T Z E R L A N D AND THAT THEY WOULDVE HAD TO FLY ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET THERE

this bloom family montage is 1: unearned (i remember the door, assholes) and 2: TOO long and cheesy

i love that stellas mom still hasnt admitted shes missing or come looking for her lol. the HEIR to the THRONE has been MISSING for WEEKS and thats just Okay

lmao what the fuck. how is andreas wearing the same clothes as 16 years ago. anybody care to explain what the goddamn hell is going on here

dragonflame namedrop huh? interesting

LOL EVERYONES JUST ACCEPTING ROSALIND BACK WITHOUT QUESTION? SHE DISAPPEARED AND WAS PRESUMED DEAD FOR 16 YEARS

HOW STUPID ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD

THE KING OF ERAKLYON. ABANDONED HIS SON. TO RAISE BEATRIX

WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL

omg she just fucking killed her

absolutely metal

ah HERE are the hideous outfits from the promo image. hate

final thoughts: this show is dumb

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Recruits, Regulation″

Recruits Kimber, Alvarez, Han, and McCaster sat mostly slack jawed in the little conference room on the command deck of the UNSC Harbinger. The little alien doctor they had called ‘Krill’ was standing at the front of the room, and in general military fashion, he had a powerpoint holographically projected over the far wall. 

On the projection currently was a diagram of a human body, the kind you would see in high school health textbook.

The little alien was pointing vigorously towards the diagram, “And here, right here this little opening that leads into the bladder is called the urethra, and if you STICK things in it, it gets grossly infected and causes horrible urinary tract infections.” The group of recruits simple sat there in shock, “This, this is the anus, this muscle was designed to push things out not take things in. In fact, if you try, the negative pressure created by your adventure can pull things INSIDE your colon and up your large intestine. The procedure for getting that out might include surgery, but could just involve someone like me reaching up there to grab it out.” 

Mouths gaped in astonishment.

They couldn’t be living through this, could they.

“This, this machine right here is the mechanism used to close the airlock doors. If the airlock doors get jammed, do NOT stick your hand inside to try and fish them out, because this may cause something called degloving…. If you don’t know what that means, its when all the skin peels off your hand like a banana and-”

The door at the far end of the room hissed open, and they turned to see the commander, of course the man didn’t just walk into the room like any normal person. He glided in on his ‘heelies, hands clasped behind his back like he was standing at parade rest. It was such a strange sight, considering the man was wearing an officer's uniform and a captain’s cap having ditched the sunglasses from earlier in favor of the eye patch, which did not, in fact, seem to be a joke, but was definitely part of his everyday wardrobe. 

He came gliding to a halt next to them, “You made a powerpoint?” He asked in mild amusement.

“Of course I made a powerpoint.”

“Hmm,” The man shrugged, “Guess it makes sense.”

“Can you let me finish.”

The man grinned, “Afraid not. We are about to launch, and I have it on good authority these four have been invited to the bridge to see the spectacle.”

The little doctor sighed, “So human by way of his exasperation that it was hard to tell he was even alien, “Alright go then, but when one of them ends up in my infirmary with some stupid injury, I am going to blame you.”

“You blame me anyway.”

“That's because I am convinced you are the amalgamation of human stupidity and recklessness.” The recruits looked nervously back and forth between the two. Its not everyday you watched an officer get insulted to his face, but the man just smiled and laughed blowing the entire thing off.

“Well I’ve never gotten anything stuck in my colon, so I guess I’m not a good representative, anyway.” He pointed to the four of them, “Come on. I think you’ll want to see this.” 

Nervously the group of them stood and followed the Commander through the open doors walking along behind his gliding form.

He had…. Not been what they expected. They had seen the movie trailers, heard about his exploits, watched flight demonstration videos, in certain cases, and even received lectures about intergalactic relations based on transcripts from his conversations, and or interactions. He was a legend at the academy, at the forefront of human/alien relations. All the books were written based on what he had done or what people in his crew had done. He had been the first man to SEE sentient nonhuman life.

And there he was, wearing an eyepatch and heeleing down the hall like a botched middle school costume party. Not to mention, when they had heard of him, they had immediately assumed it would be someone older and more experienced, someone graying at the temples who had seen more life than he knew what to do with, but this…. This guy wasn’t much older than them. Young enough to be their older brother, or their older brother’s weird ass friend.

Then there was that smile, like he didn’t have a serious bone in his body, and they were expected to follow this guy?

How could they take him seriously?

“Um… Sir, I don’t mean to sound…. accusatory , but.” He glanced over his shoulder back at them, green eye sparking with some unknown emotion.

Recruit  Kimber pointed down at his shoes, “Um, are those regulation…. With the uniform or…”

He grinned again and turned away, “Uniform regulation Gama on the proper maintenance of footwear when wearing uniform. Footwear must be classified as a dress shoe and come in Mat black or grey, no laces.” he pointed downwards at his feet, “These are slip ons, and in the online description they were described as a ‘dress shoe” maybe it was on a technicality but I took a screenshot just in case anyone asks.”

They stared at him. 

“Um…. sir…. I hate to sound like an….ur well…. But you arent exactly…”

“What you expected?” The man finished, coming to a stop and turning to face them.

“Well.” Alvarez rubbed the back of his head, “Yeah, I mean you…. Well weve read about you in military science and tactics, and we sort of just assumed that you’d be more ...”

The conversation died away as the young recruits shifted awkwardly.

He smirked, “you thought id be some old stuffy officer with years of military experience. Some regulation stickler with a metal rod shoved up my ass, yes sir, no sir, you say jump, I say how high, that kind of person?”

They shuffled their feet awkwardly, but didn’t answer.

The man didn’t break his expression, “Well this is the reality.  When I was a kid I used to set up my telescope out on the lawn, hoping I would see a UFO I trained for over five years in aviation to get my ass on board the Enterprise, because I wanted nothing more than to go to space.. My first trip to space was in an F-90 darkfire, and I nearly died. I was on the forerunner team that stepped foot on Proxima b and then when we receive incoming radio signals from an unknown source,I accompanied them as well. There I was the first person to see extraterrestrial life, not only that but I helped to establish linguistic contact between the two races. When the Drev war happened, I was deployed when I never should have been, lost my leg become a part of operation steel eye fought through withdrawals and PTSD before crawling back to the UNSC only to learn that the GA Knew me and trusted me enough to want me as the human representative to the rest of the galaxy.” He paused for a second looking them over, “All of that, was just one big accident. I was in the right place at the right time, and aside from training as hard as I did to be a good pilot, I have stumbled and crashed my way to success by the grace of my own luck.”

The group remained silent.

He looked at them with a critical eye, “Do you want to know what I learned through all of that?”

They remained silent but nodded nervously.

He took a breath, “I learned first and foremost to never stop loving what you do, With the army it is easy to take all the rules and regulations, and hate all the political loopholes you have to jump through. It’s easy to make a routine to grow bored. But boredom leads to burnout, and every day I wake up on MY ship living my childhood dream and determine I have no right to feel that way, so if that means wearing heelis on the command deck, Playing songs older than dirt on the bridge, and making myself look like a fool, than I’ll do it, just as long as I remember to contain it when it most matters.”

He turned away and began gliding down the hall again, “Ever wonder why my ship, despite being the most dangerous, is the most sought after in the fleet… It's because Morale. I make sure to keep my people entertained and happy. Morale has the happy side effect of making people work harder, they try more, and they are more loyal. Everything I do, I do for the crew, and for myself.”

He came to a halt at the bottom of the steps and led them upwards onto the bridge. 

The small blue Drev, Sunny, was waiting for them, “Rousing lecture, I almost peed myself a little.”

He snorted and shoved her aside with a shoulder, “You know you love me.”

The drev lifted her head slightly, “Do I?”

“Yes, you do.”

The recruits followed nervously after him glancing towards the Drev female and her bright gold eyes. She snapped her beak at them and they stepped back nervously. She made some sort of humming sound deep in her chest. The the base of her throat they watched as two large holes opened and closed in time with her breathing.

Creepy.

“Begin preflight sequence.” The commander had taken a seat in the captain's chair, and as he was sitting there giving orders and taking command of the ship, you could almost forget that he was wearing an eyepatch and a pair of heelies.

By order form one of the bridge men, they strapped themselves into their seats as the countdown sequence began, “Crew of the harbinger this is your Commander speaking. Please follow all takeoff protocols for we are beginning preflight at this time. Please make sure to strap down all objects that would be lethal flying towards you head, and keep your hands and and feet inside the vehicle for the duration of the ride, thank you for flying with the UNSC.”

He flipped some controls on the chair as the countdown began, and it wasn’t moments before they were being lifted into the sky. Everyone braced themselves against their seats clutching the harnesses as they were thrust upwards into the sky, hands clasped onto harasses, and then they were airborne.

Despite the sudden and violent takeoff, the ride was relatively smooth, and they watched out the windows as earth receded behind them.

It was an amazing sight, more than any of them had ever before imagined, “Charge warp drive!” The commander ordered.”

“Charging warp drive, engage on your command, sir.”

“Diagnostic report on the coolant system?”

“100% operations functional, sir!”

“Engage warp drive in three ...two…. One.” 

And then they were gone, off into the vastness of space at the forefront of space exploration.

At the forefront of danger.

***

The forefront of danger was not what they had been expecting, they certainly had not expected the aggressive prank war that occured on April first, a prank war that covered McCaster in Green paint, and resulted in Han having lost all of his left shoes. 

They didn’t expect the mess hall to burst into a sing along when the commander began playing outdated rock music, they hadn’t expected to get cleaned out in a game of poker by an alien nearly twice their size, or chased out of the shower by a very grumpy looking spider hybrid.

All through this, the commander appeared and disappeared at random wheeling past or riding on the back of the electric blue Drev, only to prance down the hall out of sight leaving a trail of…. Something dumb, bubbles or confett, behind him. 

How he managed to requisition any of the things he got his hands on was a mystery to them.

And though this was the strangest experience they had ever had, he hadn’t been wrong about burnout, boredom, or monotony. They never knew what was coming next, and there was always something interesting going on.

If you walked in on the commander, one moment he was trying to teach the spiderlings how to shake, and the next moment he was on a conference call with the president of the UN brass of the UNSC and the galactic Assembly giving tactical advice with the same mouth that had earlier proclaimed the hypothesis that , why don’t we just do all our laundry in space seeing as the inhospitable vacuum would kill all the bacteria, not entirely sure if he was joking or not.

During meal times he spent a good portion of it rotating around the tables and eating with a new group every day. Generally his big blue friend, Sunny came with him, and more often than not, the doctor as well. Seemed odd how close he was with them, but no one would give a straight answer when questions came up about the nature of the relationship.

It was on just such a day when the commander made his way over to their table and took a seat followed by the blue Drev who was carrying a large salad in a mixing bowl. 

The drev could really put down food, but that made sense.

“Morning gentlemen.”

“Morning, sir.” 

He tilted his head, “Don’t look so thrilled, you might have an accident with all that enthusiasm.”

Alvarez clutched his mug, “Sorry not a morning person.” He muttered 

“And you commander.” 

“Any time is a good time to be alive.”

“And there is the optimist.” Han muttered with a sigh rubbing groggily at his eyes before pausing “What are you wearing?”

The commander grinned leaning back to show off his shirt, “Star Wars T, its vintage, do you like?.... Don’t give me that look, it’s casual friday.”

They just shook their heads in slight amusement as he leaned an elbow on the table, “I was meaning to ask you guys something.”

They nodded, and he was about to open his mouth to speak when, alarms started going off all around the ship.

Suddenly, the geek was gone and the commander stood in his place demeanor no more marred by his clothing than a speck of dust in a beam of sunlight.

“EVERYONE TO YOUR STATIONS, NOW!”

“What’s going on!”

He tilted his head to the side listening, probably to a report over his implants.

“The GA is under attack. “

[nvvermore]

i cannot shut up so :)

bro i am just. begging to be treated with common decency??? a little consideration!??? u just. u cannot be this absentminded and as if we havent fucking been through this a billion fucking times if u cant function u need therapy!!!! which we have no problem getting!!!! u are just so. FUCKING

i just. the other day before she went to go pick up a friend of mine, the first time ive seen said friend or anyone besides her in fucking months and before she leaves she just Has to bring up when we will be getting divorced. as if we arent in the middle of a fucking pandemic where im high risk and like, have already agreed to hold off on anything big until things go back to normal. so why does she feel the need to bring this up while i am excited and have the fucking audacity to tell ME that she just “wants to move on with her life” well im pleased to disappoint because youre stuck with me for a long time to come lmao. also like u want to move on with ur life, u just want to replace me asap cause now no one is taking care of u, u broke up w me because i was pushing u to take care of yourself on your own so sureeee thing

i just like. nothing is happening. weve been broken up since march. im only sad about her in the context of like feeling sad when i see lovey family fluff cause she stole that from me and im never going to get it back. we have to continue to live together until the pandemic is up and its been good to borderline emotionally abusive and i just never know when its going to just switch one day. i blew up for the first time in years a few weeks ago and she finally stopped ignoring me completely after an entire month (two??? idk) of doing so Completely. and things have been normal and then she has to just say shit like that!!!!

i just this is so messy and theres so much stupid shit and i hate it and from the outside i know it looks ridiculous and weird and it keeps me from like telling anyone about it so.

anyways i am just so. sorry if i seem like i go from either super annoying or maybe distant i just dont fucking know how to act anymore. she spent years building me up and then one day suddenly tore it all away and so now i just. i have no frame of reference for how to interact and being isolated with only her being less than pleasant to me for almost an entire year now is just. not helping

[happyhealthycats]

Simcoe and Citra

These girls have been making their rounds on tumblr for a while. Mostly Citra for her endearing honk-meow. I figured it’s time to put in an update!

I will say that their origin gets a little sad. While I don’t normally cling to the “all shelter animals have a sad life” (Heimdall didn’t. Sif didn’t.) These girls absolutely had a rough start in this world. But I promise there’s a happy ending.

My husband and I bought a house and had a wonderful roommate who lived with us. She brought her cat, who got along with our cats wonderfully. When she moved out, we felt a bit of a hole in our hearts where our previous roommate cat had been. We contemplated adopting another cat. We were no longer in our apartment, and our local laws didn’t have any stipulation on the amount of cats you could keep inside (outside of serious instances where Animal Control is required, but 3 was hardly near that limit). So we thought about it.

As always, we went to get some food for Heimdall and Sif, and in the window were these two beautiful orange girls who were snuggling together as closely as possible.

We were told they were Clementine and Savannah, and they were in the store because they had almost no human interaction at 5 months old. They were found outside at 10 weeks, and their foster home kept them in a cage. Their foster had trouble handling them at all, so they just left them in the cage with their food and didn’t touch them or interact with them at all. They were only touched to get ringworm medicine (which they had a rather nasty case of), and other upper respiratory medication. So their only human interaction was stressful on them. Putting them in the store was the last ditch effort to get them used to people so they could realistically be pets and not just terrified of everyone.

In the cage, Savannah allowed us to pet her when she ate. Clementine would not approach us at all. We asked to see Savannah in their meeting room.

She hid and hissed at us the entire time. Hair on end, ears flat, completely terrified. But I saw something in her while she was in that cage where she had spent so much time. Savannah had the ability to warm up, she just needed the time and patience to help her. 

We couldn’t decide if we wanted to adopt her though. It would take a lot of work, and they would probably NEVER be comfortable with people. My husband and I knew that if we took them home, we would be the ones to feed them and give them places to hide and exist as comfortably as possible. Take them to the vet and care for them. They would never be as friendly as Heimdall or Sif. 

But the Pet Valu manager told us that they were getting out of their cute kitten phase where folks were willing to look past their issues because they were so young. They were already hard to home, but in a few weeks, they’d go back to their foster home permanently. Kept in a cage and kept away from people like feral cats.

So we asked if the girls were a bonded pair. The manager said “Well, Savannah would be okay since you have cats at home. But Clementine would probably decline.”

So without skipping a beat, my husband chimed in with, “Then we’ll take them both.”

They normally didn’t do this, but our friend let us take them home on a foster to adopt 2 week window.

At first, Clementine ran under the bed and stayed there. We made sure food, water, and a litter box was close by for them and just left them alone. Savannah stayed in the carrier, too terrified to even run out and join her sister. But eventually I moved the carrier closer, and Savannah darted under the bed and sat with her sister for HOURS.

But, they would eat and drink after a few hours. We heard them use the litter box in the night. We left them alone and just spent a lot of time in the room with them. We didn’t reach for them, or try and grab them or pet them. Everything was on their terms. As long as they were eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom, they were okay. 

In less than a week, something amazing happened. These two kittens who were so scared of people began to come out of their shells. We couldn’t hold them, but they climbed into the cat tree and made noises in order to get our attention. Savannah did it first. Clementine tried to imitate her sister, but never quite got the hang of it, (and Citra has her wonderful little honk from that).

We thought of names. We just couldn’t think of anything that fit them. But then my husband, an avid beer drinker, suggested “Citra and Simcoe”, after hop variants. Cute names for little orange girls, and it kept the “C” and “S” names from Clementine and Savannah.

With that, they were named. And obviously, they were home with us.

They had a lot of growing to do. After a trip to the vet, we found out that both girls had FHV. Citra was able to eventually shake it after an ear infection, but Simcoe remains symptomatic on and off to this day. We work with our vet to keep her symptoms in check. Sometimes it’s just her being a little sniffly. Sometimes she sneezes. Sometimes she has discharge from her eyes or nose. She’s on some vitamins to help her immune system, and we keep a humidifier for her running all the time.

So how are they now?

I’m honestly still emotional over the huge turn around these amazing girls did. I’ll give you the run down one at a time.

Citra:

Our funny little Citra bear has gotten so much better at looking for human attention. At first, she didn’t want ANY. But now, she approaches our friends for pets, even if she’s not quite sure how to do it. Since she missed that ideal socialization window, she’s a little unsure about how to seek affection. She’ll often lean her head forward in that typical “head-butt” way, but while doing that she’ll walk away. She’s still skittish when it comes to people, but she will stand on the table and honk at you until you reach your hand out and let her try and pet herself on your hand.

However, she absolutely ADORES the other cats in the house. When we finally introduced them (slowly, slowly OH so slowly) to the other cats, she immediately gravitated towards Heimdall and Sif. She became fast friends with Heimdall, while remaining absolute best friends with her sister. They sleep, play, and groom together so well. As I type this Citra is laying with both Heimdall AND Seymour on the bed. 

Citra also has an A+ blep, along with just being incredibly silly. She’s an absolute joy.

Simcoe:

Our shy little girl has become a huge snuggle bug. She sleeps with us every single night and she absolutely loves being touched and pet. She’s very shy around people who aren’t my husband or I. But I tell people who visit if they want to see Simcoe, just come into the bedroom, close the door, and sit down on the floor. Sooner or later, she’ll come over and rub up against you. She requires a gentle voice and a gentle touch, but she was so starved for affection I feel like she’s making up for it now that she knows she’s safe.

I mentioned her health, and because she’s so sick, sometimes she gets too nauseated to eat from being congested. And, as I said before, we’ve worked very hard with our vet to get Simcoe to the best weight she can be and keeping her as healthy as possible. One of her triggers for FHV is stress, and with such a skittish cat, it’s very difficult. However, living in a cage would have been infinitely worse for this wonderful girl.

Simcoe has the sweetest expressive eyes. Sometimes I just sit down and pet her for so long because I remember how happy she was when she finally let us touch her. She was so starved for attention and when she finally got it, she didn’t want it to stop (it never will).

Citra and Simcoe are still each other’s best friends. They sleep together, play together, groom each other, share their food (they have separate bowls but they will just switch back and forth). 

I’m always so proud to see how far these amazing little cats have come. Simcoe used to hiss at me when I put her food down. Citra never made noise before coming to live with us. It was worth every single long hour waiting for them to get comfortable enough to eat with me in the same room. Or being willing to walk down the hallway and go into the kitchen. Or finally rolling over and showing us their bellies.

These girls are the ones that inspired me to get my certification. 

We took a chance on them, and they were their own beautiful reward.

[kappasigmalife]

Desolate Caladium: Chp 4 Is this love or war?

Desolate Caladium: Chp 5

Is this love or war?

Callum had been very distant since he kissed me, all he does is keep to himself while were living out in the cabin, hes rebuilt the wall and stayed out for odd hours of the day only coming home at night. When he kissed me, he said he may love me, im so confused, its like theres multiple sides to him at every turn, the stoic, the loving, and the violent. I wish I could help him through this but I have no idea what goes on in a mages head. Evelyn said that the main problem comes from his lack of control over mana as a mage, but training for five years under a master should of helped him.  This had only happened one time before when he and trev were out in the woods hunting and he got hurt while callum was looking for food. A beast came out of nowhere and callum just snapped breaking its neck in cold blood. She was watching from afar and saw the look in his eyes that told her to stay behind or she may be the next victim. I knew a simple hug wouldn’t help him snap out of the rage, it was something we had to watch and see. The more I think about it the more I notice that I do care about him. When we watched the snow he pulled away from me saying he was sorry for kissing me.

“its not something I can control, I don’t know what I feel anymore, all I know is I feel the need to help you every chance I get.” “then stay with me, your going to do the best you can.” “and what if I am the one to hurt you next”

That made me think all over again what It meant to hurt another person, weve traveled and hid for a long time since the death of the king, and were running out of money. Callum works day in and day out, never sleeping and trying to keep up the energy just to live. He visits Alfin and evelyn in the hospital repeatedly looking for the need to apologize but cant do a damn thing about it. Alfin wants a rematch but callum wont stand for it while hes recuperating. The madness I see in his eyes is nothing but a trivial matter in that state, it’s the power he unleashes that comprimises the sanctity of safety. Evelyn visits me in the day to talk and wants to travel with us in spring as a group considering none of us are capable of being on our own.

“its for the best desmond, were not here for any other reason but to survive in this bout of life.” “doing so will keep us in less danger, so please understand that I need to run this by callum.” “of course he will fully give support on a yes or no, but please we don’t have much time to spare.”

“I know and I will talk to him as soon as I can evelyn, its just he doesn’t seem to wanna talk anymore” “I know desmond, he must be sorting his feelings out, im sure he will be back to normal soon.” over the days going by, evelyn has shown me how to fight with the sickle and even sparred with me a few times, while I am still a novice I will learn to get better. She even made a chain for me to use as a long range weapon and got me a grip so my hand doesn’t get shredded. It was nice of her as I know with alfin in the hospital he wont be much help around so offering her food and a place to talk is fine with her. She does seem a bit worried of both of her friends and doesn’t seem to talk about trev as much as everyone else claims to talk about him as well. She says its cuase hes always distant and would normally just hang out with callum more often than not, but that might be cause they come from similar backgrounds and they saw each other as friends through commonality. Trev was the one who joined him during his training as a guard in case things went south.  She said he was always a man after money and almost got callum expelled cause he was taking payment for guard duty of other mages despite it being against the schools rule of compensation.

Elsewhere in the kingdom, trev appears before a group of elders about his performance. He has been wanted for taking payment against orders and may face expulsion from the knights guard for it. The council perceives him as a threat due to his heritage and bloodline, being a vampire is bad enough but a orc dwarf mix is unheard of even in peasant families.

“dear trevant, why do you think its fine to take wares from those you work under as a job.” “to make a living, nothing more nothing less, I find no need to not accept a payment for a better job.”

“we found the pendent in your quarters, is this what you accepted as payment from that wanted murderer?” “I accepted the pendant as a gift from caladium when he left for training before I was sent over, a personal gift from a friend and comrade, nothing more.” “you think we will fall for that garbage, you let a murderer live regardless of the orders, high treason is what you committed, hence forth the elders have decided to exile you not only from the knights guard but from the kingdom entirely.” “fine with me this place was getting to hectic for my taste anyway, just another group of old folk looking to take down a new generation of progressive movement, heres my weapon and badge, im keeping the armor.” “be sure you will be escorted this evening outside the gate, wehre you go from there is your own issue.” “well thank goodness, I thought id be still here begging for mercy.”

Trev is led out to the citys outskirts and led away from the guards. As he looks back he shrugs his shoulders and shoulders his svardstav looking to the north. He recounts that he is happy to be done with being a knight as he found it too bothersome to save anyone based on an order and many of his so called targets were innocent bystanders, who happen to have crap loads of money. Reaching into his satchel he notices how much money hes got.

“thank you caladium and your magic stash.” trev walks down the dirt path as the snow begins to fall looking upwards he decides to head north before the holiday rush begins, knowing full well being alone on holidays is quite a pain in the ass. He traveled to a small lodging taking a black horse and leaving a small sack of gold in its pen stealing one of the swords from the mans armory and hauling off to the north.

I never thought much of the fact that callum was focusing on himself until it donned on me that he doesn’t have anyone to fight on even footing, at least without going crazy. His fight with trev showed me how skilled he is but also how far hes willing to go for the sake of saving his friend. i see the look in his eyes knowing full well he wont be around all the time for us and that the token of giving up a priceless artifact just to save our lives was not to taken lightly. He came to me for the first time in a few days asking if I wanted to go out to the trade market and shop around. Despite the lack of money, he wanted to get out of the woods and enjoy ourselves for once before the tourists pile in. evelyn chose to stay behind and wait for alfin to fully recover, I promised to get her a new coat as her royal one will remain to conspicuous against finding areas to hide out. I notice though that even as we walked, callum was quiet as ever but was at least smiling at me for the least.

“evelyn been teaching you well, your steps are quieter than before, and your getting more fit.” “well yeah more so im happy that your finally talking to me.” “I know, ive been thinking about what I did and how I either acted stupidly or if it truly was for the best I did it.”

“you didn’t have to do it you know, you didn’t have be kiss me like you needed to prove something.” “well it was an heat of passion, I was blinded by emotion and thought that maybe I had some feelings spilling out, but that wasn’t the case.”

He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to one of the shops, it was an apothecary that had rare herbs and minerals from far off lands. As I gazed around I could feel the energy was pure and whimsical to say the least. Callum had wanted this to be special for me, so he called in a favor from his friends outside the kingdom to make up for being so distant. In the back he set up a special meal for us with my favorite food. He lit the candles using magic and tossed a sphere to create an artificial moon over us. The night went on for hours as we enjoyed out meal and attempted to move past the  problems that we were facing with new comrades and the guards after us.

“never in my life would I feel safer than with you.” “no matter how far one of us goes, the other shall follow til the very end.” “despite the time, I feel as though we knew one another once before.” “that might be the case, but regardless, here we are now.”

I felt his foot going on top of mine not letting me go and proceeded to take me by the hand as the light dimmed into the room. He swayed me across as if it was a royal banquet and held me close. I felt overwhelmed as no one has ever embraced me as such before. The night felt like an eternity as I felt his gentle hands on mine, he rocked me in the room all night kissing my forehead and telling me that he was right to kiss me.

“no more will I be afraid, you were the first man to show me the look of innocence.” “and you are the man who showed me how to be a stronger person, to protect and believe that I am meant for more.” “I missed you so much over those five years, I always wanted to see you but the kingdom had turned on itself and I couldn’t find a way out.” “and I only wished to pay you back the way you did for me so many times.” as we walked out of the building he took my hand and held me close, I never seen him smile so much from one night of fun. He pulled me as we started rushing in the streets, bringing me to a wooden path.

“I wanted to ensure that this night doesn’t end too quickly, so I found a spot we can relax at.” “you really don’t have to do all this.” “trust me youll love this.” as he pulled me through the brush and down the path, I could tell that things were getting somehow warmer, like not just in the air or his smile. I finally felt like someone cared after so long. When we reached the end of the path I could only see a massive emerald fire burning in a pit and blanket sprawled out. callum sat asking me to join him and showed me what he had done.

“I used some old runes I had to make a everchanging flame, as it burns it shows the emotion we both convey.” “that’s really sweet, I can feel its heat from here.” callum kissed me saying that he was happy I loved the idea, the two of us kissed as we both saw the flames going from green to a yellow, and then to a deep red.

“crimson red, the color of love and adoration , all that I give for you is what I wish to hold.” “so long at you are close to me I can feel nothing but the upmost care for a man I see as my eternity.” Callum laid me down and undid my jacket seeing me sweating from the fires heat. He swiftly took his off and continued to caress my neck. I felt my arms grabbing his shirt tearing it slightly. When I apologized, he looked at me with an intense look.

“no need to think you hurt me, for im going to love you until the dawn breaks.” he took my shirt off holding my hands as he played with my nipples and teased my pants. I couldn’t help but look as he tore his off showing off his husky physique and sweated chest, his hair down and his brown eyes staring deeply into me like garnet nuggets in a kiln ready to be smoldered. He laid me down and unzipped my pants and began sucking me off. I could feel no better sensation than ive ever felt. I noticed his pants getting tighter and I unzipped them revealing this throbbing dagger, wholeheartedly grabbing and stroking it making him moan. I pulled the pants off as we stared at one another naked under the moonlight as callum waved his hands and wrapped the flames of love around us.

“I want you to see the magic of both humanity and the love I burn for you.” I watched as the flames began enveloping into a vortex around us and he laid on top of me his his hair parted and smiling at me. I felt as he began teasing my virgin hole with his hands and tongue, he was willing to do so much for me, and I could see the man I saw on horseback all that time ago, ready to make love for the first time. he held my hand as he made love to me, thrusting gently and slowly grabbing my waist and kissing me calling me name. the flames changing from red to yellow to a heavenly white. It was a perfect site to behold around me but the real sight was the man I wanted to see gazing into my eyes. He never topped pleasuring me even when he was the one doing the work, he made me feel so good that night. He made me climax right before him and as he waved his hand the flames receded to the pit and continued to burn. With us embracing the sun began to rise.

“that really was a magical endeavor callum, thank you.” he couldn’t hear as he had fallen asleep, I parted his and kissed his forehead and nuzzled up to him feeling his heartbeat as we slumbered well into the day.

[ramblingsandruminations]

When Suicidal Ideation is the norm

All the help in the world becomes a muddy puddle of shitty affirmations, thorned gaslighting, and useless guilt. If one more person tells me "have you tried yoga/deepbreaths/vitamin B..." Ugh. Who am i kidding? This is tumblr, where you can always find somone who says exactly what you are thinking ( #omgmetho #datme #meirl ). Weve all heard the "stop giving advice and atart taking it " speech, we're all likely to have read some post about the "evils" and " abuses" of therapy and inpatient treatment, and I'll bet a paper hat, some vending machine doodad, or some shitty-yet-adorably-hipsterly prize that within 100 reblogs someone links to some news article about "Queer Youth Completes Suicide And We Think You Will Pay Us to Feel Bad About It, Don't Forget To Like, Share, and Subscribe to Trevor Project, Your Reblog Will Save A Life (And Keep Us Relevant For Our Advertisers)." Tomorrow(well, next daylight hours) my 26-year-old depressed college freshman self is going to walk into my schools coubseling office and tell them i never recieved the location for the therapist they reffered me to (true story--Honestly not avoiding treatmwnt, even if it is useless) and request a second referral. Ill sit through some lecture about self-advocacy veiled in "concerned questions" and once again be misgendered, deadnamed, and criticized for giving a fuck (note: commenters looking to describe me with the word "cuck," i see you there, good for you, let me know how that white kkknight holier than thou red pill rage fest dopamine addiction is filling the gaping void of existential dread within you). After that, there is always a small chance they'll see just how depressed i am, and faster than you can say "looney is a word based in misogynistic beliefs of womens mental health and menstrual cycles being unhealthily and unscientifically connected to the moon," ill be fielding questions which boil down to "do you want to kill yourself" and "do you have a plan." By this time in my life, i've gotten pretty used to BSing my way around psychology. All it really takes is knowing that all they can take you on is your word, and nothing else. "Do you want to kill yourself?" they ask, and i reply "*short pause, heavy, short exhale denoting weight and truth* Well, yeah. But quite frankly, suicidal ideation is a part of my everyday life- nothing i do isn't plagued with some form of "i should wrap this mouse cord aroubd my neck and die" or " i wonder if that branch is strong enough to support my weight" or "man, my head hurts, but i bet a bottle or two of ibuprofen could make it stop." For me, its not a question of wanting to die, its a matter of what do i have to live for, and ive been through enough inpatient DBT and group therapy to help me cope, using breathing techniques and self-care tips to push me through the worst of it." This is usually if not always all they need to hear. Sure, im depressed, but anything they could tell me is something i know and am already doing-i sound to them more like a patient leaving inpatient than one entering it. Our hospitals are overfilled, understaffed, prqctucally unfunded; if im "stable" im staying out of their ledger book. Occasionally, they still worry, having one of those "consciences" their peers claim to have lost when a schizophrenic patient tried to bite their ear off, and ask a follow up "but are you sure? You seem distressed, and if you need some help, we are here for you," to which all i have to do is look at them through sad, but strong eyes and say "Thank you, but i have a great support network of friends and of course, my boyfriend. He's fantastic, and one of the most important things to have happened to me. He keeps me on this side of the dirt." A small tired chuckle, and their focus diverts towards affirmations of how good it is to have support, their therapy brains running on autopilot. Then all it needs is some "active" listening, uh-huhs, and compliant assurance that ill keep working on myself to assuage them of any guilt or corncern. Maybe, though, ill tell them the truth, and let them take me in. Three hots and a cot, after all. I'll fight through my dysphoria as they ogle every nook and cranny of my malformed body trying to see if im hiding a weapon or some drugs; I'll continue to insist on a private room and remind them calmly yet firmly that no, i will *not* room with a male, and their lack of knowledge on how to treat a transgender non-binary patient is well behind on proper treatment according to WPATH, the APA, and our state govt. When i get a room, theyll say that i should take as much time as i need to get acclimated, and not worry about what the rwat of group is qorking on, and then contradict themselves within 5 minutes and say i need to go to group, theyre waiting on me. In my fresh new scrubs, ill walk in and within seconds, ill identify how th staff monitors who came in when (usually different colored scrubs based on different halves of the week, and of course, anyone likely to leave within 48 hours wearing "normal" clothes), and see the therapist or doctor talking about emotional management techniques. When i sit down, eeyes will be on me, some with looks of angey jusgemwnt, some with awe and wonder: what could THEY be in for? The group leader will ask me my name, ill state it and my pronouns (to several uncomfortable shifts in the room), and theyll let me know what they were talking about. Ill make a good effort to participate, play along, etc. Someone in the group will be desperate to control the conversation, talking more and more as if this entire experience is just for them- another person will be too dissociated to say anyrhing, despite the doctors attebpts to get them to open up. Already, the cliques will become apparent; humans are aocial creatures, after all. When we leave for the next scheduled activity (either rec or lunch, depending on the time) the docs will be watching me- im on suicide watch, and they expe t me to jump out a window or try and slit my wrists with a paperclip or something. Im not a danger in this regard; ive been threatened with solitary and ECT if i dont comply before- i am their prisoner and i must comply. Within an hour or two of being there, ill be able to notice how well funded they are (or more likely, arent.) The quality of their reading materials; the availability of puzzles abd how well taken care of they appear. Recreation will be the most bare of kindergarden activities; coloring books, maybe a tv with basic cable. A daycare for adults, abd not the cool buzzfeed articles. Someone, probably an addict, will be trying to fanangle their attendee into giving them special treatement- a snack, or an extra smoke break. I'll be sitting in a corner, smirking- the staff arent even an eigth as dumb as this person thinks, and they've seen this type before. They might get something, but itll cost them sour looks from staff and less accommodating treatment with the doctors. After the second hour, we'll have another activity (second group, rec, or maybe "outside time" if its a particularly fancy facility; while the sun will certainly be shining, our feelings of freedom will be dampened by the high fances and walls keeping us from getting away). This is usually wheb the realization sets in that im stuck here for 72 hours plus, and ill be counting them down to stave off boredom. 15-30 minutes in to this third hour, ill be called in to meet tye psychiatrist, fisrt meeting with an attendee to fill out the generic details, then 30-45 minutes of diagnosis before im told ill be put on ab antidepressant, an anxiolytic, and tramodol, a sedative marketed as "something to help me sleep" and "another antidepressant" which makes me laugh every time. Tramodol is the auppressant, the "slow down" drug which helps keep everyobe on a nice, calm level thats safer for the orderlies. Were i violent, id concur; instead, i begin to wonder how long it will take before i no longer feel persistently asleep once i leave. A couple weeks, likely. Hopefully, the food will be good, but not likely 5 star- one place ive stayed had been cooking for us in the break room, sometimes PB&J, sometimes microwaved quesadillas. Maybe theyll have more drink options than coffee, water, and sugar-free koolaid- maybe not. Likely not. Some of us will complain; most of us will know it is a fruitless endeavor. After another group or two, it will be dinner, then wrap up group. We will discuss what progress we think we made today, and be sent to bed after meds are distributed in little paper ketchup cups. Most places wont do the "cuckoos nest" tongue check, but some will, particularly the ones with kleptos and pill ODers. Lights oyt will be around 10 pm, the beds will be plasticky and the blankets thin, and sleep will only cone rhanks to our sedatives. Day two, we'll be woken early, around 6-7, by an orderly checking our blood pressure and body temp. Well all gather in the hallway, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and head to the eating area for breakfast- which loooking back will likely be the best meal of the day, not the least be ause we have access to augar and caffiene. By now, i will likely have made a friend, probably with an older woman or two, and we will enjoy surreptitiously smirking at each other when the teoublemaker patwnt tries to get an omlette or something silly. Someone will start telling fanciful stories dreamed up in the night; talk will eventually turn to who is leaving today. The orderlies will be trying to not look too interested in what we reveal to each other instead of them. They will not succeed in this. Ths first morning they will use as a test of how i deal with frustration. An older nurse will act exasperated, as though taking care of me is a curse she was tasked with. She will try to cut theough any response i give her, and rudely discount anything i try to say, as if accuaing me of lying. Knowing it is coming doesnt help it hurt less. If it overwhelms me, ill be labeled as dramatic- if not, as detached. Sluggish from the new medications, i will be treated as though i ahould not be here, and will be led aroubd more quickly than i am rady to be. I will notice that part of it is that i am beginning to realize how broken down i feel i am. Reaching out will result in canned answers and "the doctor is busy's". After all, this iant about me, and theyve seen my type before. At lunch, i will be upset by the bland meal, abd ask if they have any hot sauce, or maybethey will be out of a preferred tea, or the food will not be enough to feed me. The newcomer who arrived at morning group will share a look with the quiet patient. I will try not to notice the parallels. A therapist will ask to talk to me today. It may be a nice session, but will essebtially boil down to "let me give you ideas for solving your problems, so that your depression seems more managed." By the end of the day, they will already begin my release plan. Theyve fixed me, they are sure. I will also get my clothes back. The aurvey will be slightly different today; instead of asking on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being best abd 10 being worst how was my day, it will be the opposite: scale of 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best. This way, they can track how much is me being honest, and how much is me remembering numbers to fake it. (Once, a nurse messed up so often that it was a sentence by sentence change). Later, if there is any improvement, it will be used by the hospital as signs that treatment is helping; if it gets worse, that i had a rough day and shouldnt think much of it. Bedtime will come, and i will relish it- being sedated takes a lot out of a person. When morning comes, the eggs will feel soggy and cereal with be a much better choice. A bagel will be carried into morning group and more DBT will be discussed. I will mostly be checked out; they are pulling most of their material from a 12 step program, and the leader is a student of psychology learning how to help people, but ive heard it all before, and that sense of guilt just pushes me towards suicide harder. At this point, ill feel just how desperate they are to get me out; nurses eill hint at things being the "wrong" answer with " you dont REALLY mean that, do you sweetie?" and " well, you cant keep thinking THAT way, or we'll have to keep you here longer." Boredom and longing for home will encourage me to pretend to be better, and not tell them how last night before falling asleep i stared at the vedfrane wondering if i could take it apart and form a springwire noose, or tear the blankets to make a rope. When they ask if im feeling better, it will actually mean "are you done with your timeout from reality? Have you learned how to fit in properly yet?" The meds wont really begin having a noticable effect for months- they know im lying. What they hope for is a glimmer of hope and a mountain of guilt for wanting to hurt others by hurting myself. Ill fake those, too. Still, ill be misgendered. Still, theyll blame hormones and buzzfeed rather than neurology and chemistry. After all, im well-adjusted, not at all like the Caitlyn Jenners and Wachowskis they read about on their facebooks. Its just a phase, and im just confused. I didnt try to hurt myself- nothing is *really* wrong with me. What can i do? Try and strangle myaelf, or others? That just means im lashing out, and ill get a new med regime and another 3 days, this time strapped down. Being strapped to a bed and left alone is mind-numbingly boring. If i tell them i still want to kill myaelf, theyll just nod their head and tell me it will go away soon; if i say i have a plan, rheyll keep me playing chess and reading AA papers until i apologize. Their job is not to fix me, their job is to stabilize me and make sure i dont break myself more. The fixing is my responsibility. Day four is release day. They will claim i have made improvements and have me fill out an action plan for when i feel depressed again. It will include people i can call, and ways i can push through bad feelings. It is my exit exam.when i pass, ill be set up with a therapist outside the hospital later in the week, and told how to connect with various resources. They will think i didnt know there were trans support groups. I will think that if it was just a support group i needed, i wouldnt dream of death. Neither of us will admit these things. And so, ill come back to school. Late on homework, i will have to prostrate myaelf with dictors note beggibg for forgiveness. I will get it, more due to policy than empathy, and at the end of the day, i will lay in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and contemplate which of my top three anchor spots would be the best ending to my story. Other than medical bills, nothing will have changed. Life drones on. I think i understand why death seems,so much better. In death, i can pretend there is a solution. In death, i can imagine a cure. In death, i can envision a caretaker and easier existence. It doesnt matter that death is the end of it all- i can pretend it willl be more, and my imagination can create many comforts in that void. But even death is a lie, and nothing will ever stop hurting.

[morganbelarus]

The Heartwrenching Reason This Mom Is Delivering a Dying Baby With No Brain

Shes reminded every moment of every day that shes carrying a baby that will die.

Theres hardly a joy that can compare with bringing a new life into this world. From thefirst cries out of the womb to the adventurous toddler years and the rebellious teenage phase, each stage of childhood holds a special place in a mothers heart. Most moms get to envision their childs beautiful journey to adulthoodas they deliver their precious baby, but imagine if you were giving birth toa baby that you knew would not survive?

Could you still walk through those nine painful months of pregnancy knowing that your child would die within days, if not hours?

Well thats exactly what Keri Young is choosing to do.

When this warrior of a mama found out that her daughter, Eva, would be born without a brain, Keri could only stir up one question through her body-shaking ugly cry: If I carry her full term, can we donate her organs?

Her husband, Royce, could hardly believe the words that were coming out of her mouth.

Facebook/Keri Young

In complete awe of his wifes courage and selflessness, he wrote this tear-jerkingmessage on Facebook that is now inspiring thousands who have been touched by a mothers bravery that few can fathom:

The other night, before I left for New Orleans, I was watching my beautiful wife sleep peacefully on the couch.

I looked at her laying there, her belly big with our daughter kicking away, a daughter that wont live more than a few days, and it just overwhelmed me of how incredible this woman is. Im a writer so when Im feeling something, I tend to have to write it down. So I pulled out my phone and started writing what I was thinking. And I realized tonight sitting a thousand miles away in a hotel room, especially after meeting this awesome kid named Jarrius thats been everywhere at All-Star Weekend who needs a liver transplant, that instead of just keeping this one for me like I normally do, I should tell everyone else just how incredible Keri Young is. (I also miss her five seconds after I leave the house for a trip so Im thinking about her all the time anyway.)

I thought back to the moment where we found out Eva wasnt perfect, and how literally 30 seconds after our doctor told us our baby doesnt have a brain, somehow through full body ugly crying, Keri looked up and asked, If I carry her full term, can we donate her organs? I remember our doctor putting her hand on Keris shoulder and saying, Oh honey, thats so brave of you to say. Like, how nice of you, but come on. Keri meant it. There I was, crestfallen and heartbroken, but I momentarily got lifted out of the moment and just stood in awe of her. I was a spectator to my own life, watching a superhero find her superpowers. In literally the worst moment of her life, finding out her baby was going to die, it took her less than a minute to think of someone else and how her selflessness could help. Its one of the most powerful things Ive ever experienced. In the eight years weve been married (and 15 years together) Ive had a lot of moments stop me in my tracks where I thought, holy crap, this woman Im married to, lucky me. But this one was different. It hit me that not only am I married to my very best friend, but to a truly remarkable, special human being.

Facebook/Royce Young

This whole process has been rough, but I say that as someone watching from the bleachers like the rest of you. Keri has been in the trenches the entire time, feeling every little kick, every hiccup and every roll. Shes reminded every moment of every day that shes carrying a baby that will die. Her back hurts. Her feet are sore. Shes got all the super fun pregnant stuff going on. But the light at the end of her nine-month tunnel will turn into a darkness shes never felt before a couple hours or days after Eva is born. Shes the one that is going to deal with all that comes with having a baby her milk coming in, the recovery process, etc, but with no snuggly, soft, beautiful newborn to look at to remind you that it was all worth it.

We made our choice to carry Eva to full term for a lot of reasons, but the first and foremost was to donate her organs. We dont say that to try and sound like great people or anything. It was just a practical endgame that in our minds, before we came to the realization Eva is alive and our daughter deserves to meet her mama and daddy, gave us a purpose to continue on. Donating was on Keris mind from darn near the second we found out and while the experience of holding and kissing our daughter will be something we cherish forever, the gift(s) shes got inside that little body of hers is what really matters. Keri saw that almost instantly. That kid Jarrius wears a shirt that says It Takes Lives To Save Lives. I couldnt stop thinking about that all day. Theres another family out there hurting and hoping for a miracle for their baby, knowing full well someone elses baby will need to die first. Eva can be that miracle.

Were getting closer to the finish line, and while its going to be amazing to run through that tape and meet Eva, it comes at a cost. Well go to the hospital for a birth, and go home without a baby.

A lot of people say things like, I wouldnt change anything after a trying circumstance, but Im not about to say that. I would definitely change this if I could. I want my daughter to be perfect. I want her to blow out her candles on her first birthday. I want to watch her bang her head on our coffee table trying to learn to walk. I want her to run up a cell phone bill texting boys. I want to walk her down an aisle. I want to change it all so, so badly. But I cant. This is our reality. And theres no stopping it.

Whenever Harrison gets hurt, or has to pull a bandaid off or something, Keri will ask him, Are you tough? Are you BRAVE? And that little boy will nod his head and say, I tough! I brave! Im looking at Keri right now and I dont even have to ask. Shes TOUGH. Shes BRAVE. Shes incredible. Shes remarkable. Shes cut from a different cloth, combining wit, beauty, courage, silliness, character and integrity into one spectacular woman. And somehow, shes my wife. Not that I needed some awful situation like this to actually see all of that, but what it did was make me want to tell everyone else about it.

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The Heartwrenching Reason This Mom Is Delivering a Dying Baby With No Brain was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

[arplis]

Arplis - News: Hollywood on the Hudson: At Home in Upstate, New York, with Amanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen

Weve been following Amanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen for years as they leapfrogged around LA. Amanda is an actress-turned-interior designer who has been on a decades-long remodeling tear. Her style is pleasingly simple, sustainable (since before it was a buzzword), and thrifty: see, for instance, Backyard Bunkhouse and11 Money-Saving Strategies from a Hollywood House Flipper. Her partner in the overhauling business is her husband: theyve lived in 25 places in their 31 years of marriage (along the way, they had four sons), and Corbinthough busy acting, writing, and running his own production companyis a Star Handyman.

After being MIA for a while, they recently resurfaced: When Finley, the youngest of our four, graduated high school and took off for NYC, Corbin and I looked at each other and agreed it was time for another adventure, she wrote.Our book, Open House, had just been released, so we decided to sell up in LA and take a book-signing drive across the country in search of our next project. They made it all the way to the Hudson Valley, where Amandas old friend Priscilla Woolworth has resettled, along with a surprising number of other LA defectors. After experiencing their familys first white Christmas, they decided to stay put.

They knew exactly what to do next: find a structure waiting to be given the Amanda/Corbin treatment. After four weeks of real estate hunting, they bought an 1880s little farmhouse in Germantown, New York, that needed everything. They camped out in a loft rental in nearby Hudson, found a local contractor, and started the demo. Weather dictates a lot here, which was an eye opener for us coming from Californiaand also learning that life has a slower pace here; love that, says Amanda. Heres what the place looks like a year later.

Photography by Amanda Westby, unless noted.

Above: Corbin and Amanda and sons at their new residence (the photo was taken by their oldest sons girlfriend and became this years holiday card). Hands-on creativity runs in the family: two sons work as art directors/production designers in LA., another is in the start-up side of tech, and the youngest is at NYU film school.

The couple bought the house from third-generation owners (who live nearby and were selling when their mother passed away). It had been pale yellow with a front door that was purple and white with a bit of turquoise thrown in, says Amanda. Its now painted a greenish-charcoal called Deep River and the door is Grand Canyon Red, both from Benjamin Moore. Upstate gentrifiers have been accused of defaulting to noirish exteriors, but Amanda defends the choice: its a classic color that draws attention to the architecture and looks great against the backdrop of all these seasons. Plus for every dark house, there are ten white farmhouses around here. Photograph by Jessica Dube.

Above: The couplehes 65, she just turned 60say they love their new surroundings and plan to stay upstate. Theyve become part of a community thats big on bartering: Amanda Westby, co-owner of Alder & Co, employs Amanda as a model in exchange for clothes (Amanda also took most of the photos shown here), and Amanda says she recently gave her doctors husband remodeling advice for medical care.

Im continually struck by the adventure of this new experience and discovering an entire life so different from palm trees, beaches, convertibles, and eternal sunshine, Corbin recently wrote on Facebook. My biggest problem, I guess, if Im allowed to go there, is that I have tons of time to think without all the distractions that Im used to.And when the snow falls, its even more quiet than the normal quiet that Im getting used to. You can hear your heartbeat, literally or perhaps thats the shoveling of snow forcing blood through my veins.

Above: The back doors and basement bulkhead are also Benjamin Moore Grand Canyon Red: I knew if I was going with dark monotone windows, I had to find a place to uplift, says Amanda.

She learned about remodeling historic houses from her father, who was an actor-turned agent and the original house flipper in the family: I grew up in southeast England, and he used to drag me around to look at properties and would ask my opinion. So the whole house buying, fixing-up, reselling thing came from my childhood. And Corbin, coincidentally, learned carpentry from his mother and uncle.

Above: The front door opens to the original staircase: as it was, the door banged into the stair, says Corbin. We fixed that and had to reproduce some of thebalusters. Above: Much of the art and furnishings have traveled with the couple from house to house. (Corbin has become a master packer and uses Pods as an economical way to move households.) Amanda bought the paintinga 1951 work by Brazilian Constructivist Lygia Clark30 years ago while filming a movie in Brazil. The zinc umbrella and cane holder is a long ago LA swap meet purchase.

Amanda tells us: Weve been at this practically since our first date, when Corbin showed me his house that he had just finished himself, and I said, I think were going to have to make some changes. It was full-blown Santa Fe-style and needed some tweaking and layeringsome soul. The English in me came out, and thats when we started blending our styles, and buying and selling things.

Above: We went down to the studs and nothing else, says Corbin of the 1,700 square foot interior. This is the equivalent of a bionic house. Explains Amanda: We replaced or added: HVAC, all plumbing, all electric, insulation, new drywall, bathrooms, and the kitchen.

Their most dramatic move was to open up the main floor and introduce oak beams throughout that are both structural (the ones shown here) and cosmetic. The floor is the original sub floors stripped and sealed with Pure Matte Finish from Vermont Natural Coatings.

Above: The vintage Franklin stove came from Hoffmans Barn in Red Hook, NY. The walls throughout are painted with lime wash from Portola in LA. Amanda had the curtains stitched from canvas drop cloths (each is a hemmed single panel).

I like a neutral balance, so drop cloths always work, she says. I usually make them into shades, but you hardly notice these curtains, and in the winter you can pull them shut to make the room feel warmer.

Above: The living space opens to a roomy dining area and kitchen. The cabinets are Ikeawith Ikeas vertical-groovedHittarp fronts in an off-white lacquer that Amanda painted herself. This isnt something they recommend, but it worked well: even the chipping looks authentic. I used a heavy Kilz primerno sandingfollowed by two coats of Benjamin Moore Chelsea Gray in a satin finish.

Amanda found the center island marble slab on Craigs List for $150 and drove two hours in a U-Haul to get it.

Above: The dining table is one of several pieces that the couple found during their first pilgrimage to the Brimfield flea market. We arrived in the rain witha list of items we needed, including maximum and minimum measurements for each piece, says Amanda.

Corbin bought the tablemaybe originally a schoolhouse piece, definitely Europeanusing money he had saved from the many years his mother tucked bills in his Christmas stocking. I finally realized I dont have to worry about never having a buck in my hand, and decided to honor my late mother with a table that we love.

Above: The counters are butcher block from Ikea and Amanda finished the cabinets with painted wood knobs she bought at Home Depot. The Kitchen Aid stove and other appliances are also from Home Depot: I go when theyre having a buy two get the third free sale. Above: The aluminum hooks in the back entry came from a favorite hardware/antiques store in La Bisbal, Spain, within driving distance of their vacation house, A Fixed-Up Farm in the South of Francethe one project they say theyll never sell.

Recognize the dog painting? We doit appeared in Remodelista: The Organized Home and our postAmanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen Air Their Dirty Laundry.

Above: The moody back room with new built-in bookshelves is the library/TV room and Corbins home office. The lime wash here proved tricky: the couples two oldest sons drove the paint across the country and it froze along the way. When they painted this room, it was streaky and lumpy in parts, says Corbin. I came back from LA with more paint and went over it. I didnt finish but realized it looked right: we like patched-together rather than perfect.

The Emmy is Corbins mothers lifetime achievement awardJeanne Cooper, the grande dame of daytime, was on The Young and The Restless for 40 years, and played Corbins mother on LA Law.

Above: Amanda notes that the cold climate has inspired her to get back into pillows and blankets draped on sofas, and even living with stuff: its about feeling cozy. She got the sofa and chair at the Hammertown Barn in nearby Pine Plains: Theyre from the summer tent sale: I was the first in line at 7 am. Above: The lime-washed powder room is two-toned, another signature touch of Amandas. The Little Bo Peep collage was a recent surprise gift: One of the original owners came by and said, My mother made this tapestry piece and Id like it to remain in the house.' Above: Amandas deskpurchased for $150 at a local auctionis set in a bay on the side of the house. Most of the windows are original and have beautiful glass that ripples, she says. I hung bird feeders right outside, so I can watch the birds as I work. Above: There are three bedrooms upstairs. The red painting, by Peter Aspell, is another fave that goes with us from house to house. Above: The master bedroom has a conceptual headboard: Amanda dragged home from a walk along the Hudson River near their house. In lieu of doors, she enclosed the closets with curtains made from a Les Indiennes print purchased at the companys Hudson, NY, shop. It a very informal little house; curtains lend a relaxed feeling and they dont take up any room. Above: Corbins guitar in a corner of the guest room.The upstairs floors are painted Benjamin Moore Wrought Iron. The reclaimed beams used throughout came from The Hudson Companyand from sellers on Craigs List. Above: The rebuilt upstairs bath has a new-old look. The tub, along with three sinks, came from Hoffmans Barn: Amanda and Corbin hauled them to a local refinisher (but left the exterior of the tub stripped). The painted floors and beams extend appear here, too: Our contractor said, you cant have wood in the bath, and we said, Yes you can,'says Amanda. Above: The houses ceramic doorknobs are original. The giant medicine cabinet next to the sink is one of the couples Brimfield finds: its an antique jelly cupboard that came with decoupaged doors: Amanda whitewashed it and then tackled our kitchen cabinets, says Corbin.

Whats next? Amanda reports that theyre looking for a larger place in the area to tackle nextwed like to have enough room for the whole family and friendsand some rescue donkeys and goats The plan is to keep this house and down the line rent it out. I want to host people in cool environments, while I go gray and grow veggies, says Amanda.

More upstate style:

Architect Visit: A Dutchess County Farmhouse Transformed

Hudson Valley Hues: At Home with an Inventive Textile Designer

Saved from Abandonment: A Historic Farmhouse Receives the Ultimate Make-Under

And for many places to stay in the area, consult to our Design Travel posts.

Arplis - News source http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Arplis-News/~3/PN5ELNENLE8/hollywood-on-the-hudson-at-home-in-upstate-new-york-with-amanda-pays-and-corbin-bernsen

[maritabaptiste2-blog]

natural hairy pussy photos - Eight Stylish Ideas For Your Women With Hairy Cunts

Also, hot milf with hairy pussy I am a drinker so sue me, I cant always remember exactly what we said to each other so I made it a little bit up, but the level of flirtaciousness and banter was same. Shit, he looked good tonight, I thought. But then again he always looks good. I cheated so if you arent into that sort of thing look away. He has piercing blue eyes and very short light brown hair. *This story is entirely true, except details are taken out to make it more vague for obvious reasons. I could see his eyes light up as he saw me and I could tell mine were doing the same. I thought to myself about how much I wanted him, wanted to feel his weight on top of me and feel his cock in my mouth, and I started to fantasize as the rest of the room our friends disappeared. Wearing a well fitted blue and white button-up shirt and levis that were just tight enough to see a slight bulge if you stared long enough (I always did). Camden is tall at 6'2 or 6'1, and while not incredibly muscular, is very fit and strong looking. But just as he past through the doorway to enter the apartment I saw Katie follow, and it brought me back to earth and I stepped back into reality. We made eye contact and held it for a little too long, like we tend to do. Right, Katie, he has a girlfriend, her name is Katie, and there she is, pretty, oblivious Katie. The reality of the situation I'm in is this: Camden and I are at a friends house, drinking and having a good time, with our own significant others. He broke into a cute wide smile, the one that makes me melt every time. Also have never posted on reddit before so no idea how the formatting works. It's not that we've discussed this at length. But the only thing we are thinking about is each other. But the temptation is overwhelming and we definitely have crossed some lines with our inappropriate conversations in the past. Oh, and Chris, I have a boyfriend, a wonderful, attractive boyfriend, who is standing right next to me. I think the lines started becoming blurred woman with hairy cunts 2 months ago, about 3 months after I first met him. We've technically never crossed any lines sexually. The morning of the concert, Sean backed out because of some Tinder date, and Chris last minute bailed on me because of a work outing he had forgotten about. *2 months ago, before he started dating Katie, 4 of us were supposed to go to a concert in the city we lived near. Before the show started we decided to grab a beer at the bar next store. "Nah I'm not going to tell you that," he said looking away. "Heres to us, for actually making it to this concert unlike those losers," Camden chuckled as he clinked my beer with his. We chatted innocent for about a half hour about all sorts of things, work and music mostly, but we were also flirting shamelessly. Soon the conversation turned to Camdens most recent luck in the dating world and we started talking about all the girls he had had sex with recently. " Camden smiled bashfully and took another swig of beer. "Give me a break, I go on at least 3 dates a week, sometimes 4! *Last night I looked towards the door to the apartment as he walked in. Is it that unrealistic to imagine I manage to get some of them in bed? " "Alright just tell me! " He laughed, god I love his laugh. Me, Chris, Camden, and Sean. Let me guess at least. " I looked him straight in the eye and rested the palm of my hand on his arm. Camden and I figured we may as well not waste the tickets and went together. I like to picture you with all of them. Our conversations usual turned sexual, but this was more flirting that we normally did. Weve been together for almost 4 years now..." I caught his gaze and bit my lip, mostly unintentionally, "besides, I think its hot how many girls you fuck. You are incredibly sexy. Its been so long since I've been with anyone but Chris. I loved how I couldn't make him nervous like I could with other guys. Sometimes I would touch myself at home and imagine him fucking all those girls in all different ways. Ive also been told I'm pretty attractive. " I could hear myself crossing the line but I couldn't help it, I get this animal urge every time I see him. Guys have always been nervous around me because of the overtly sexual vibe I tend to give off sometimes. *He laughed again, confidently, and stared back into my eyes. At 5'6 130 pounds, I'm slender but not a stick. I have wide set hips and small C boobs, but a flat stomach and slender arms. I have very long blonde-brown hair that is thick and parts on the side. What I said was true, too, I loved thinking about how many girls he sleeps with. Most girls would probably think it's gross to sleep around. I bet you were a complete freak when you were single. What are you doing with Chris again? "Not even a little bit repulsive. But back to the story, that's just to paint the picture of why guys I meet are almost always into me from first glance, and why they usually get pretty nervous when I talk openly about sex. *He looked at me excitedly, "Oh yeah, you like that? My butt is my favorite asset, it's plump and shapely but not too big. *"I like being with Chris because he knows exactly what I want. We continued to eye-fuck each other as the conversation went on about our sex lives for a few more minutes. Its that I cant imagine being with that many people in a week is all. I like to be roughed up, called names, spit on, slapped, and I couldn't guarantee that a new guy could handle those requests. I like that you like that. I could feel my pussy heating up and getting swollen, and was nervous that my face was turning red at the same time. Should you have any questions relating to wherever and how to work with hot girls hairy pussy, it is possible to e-mail us at our own page. " he said as he playfully pinched my waist. " he said as he grabbed me by the hand and led me through the packed room. "Oh I bet you could," I said bashfully. " Camden said matter-of-factly. we got about 15 feet from the stage and stopped. He let me squeeze in front of him since he is taller. God, no guys ever make me nervous like that. Once the band we came to see came on, we stopped talking and started dancing. "Are you blushing, Rachel? Our sexual tension was at a high, thanks to the heated conversation we had earlier and that as we danced we could feel each others bodies rubbing against one another on the crowded venue floor. *When we got in the venue it was dark and crowded. His dick had gotten hard and it turned me on like crazy. "OK OK, let's finish these drinks so we can get to the concert," I said as I chugged my beer and put my finger in the air to signal the bartender. *After the concert we shared an uber back to our apartments, dropping me off first. Still, I pretended to be oblivious to his hard-on and danced my ass off, directly into it. We continued on like this the entire concert, and my pussy ached with desire the whole time. I wanted to grab it and feel it in my hand, but I had a boyfriend and my drunk-brain thought that I was still being a loyal girlfriend as long as I didn't grab it with my hand. He started to touch my thigh, which was exposed as my skirt rode up my legs in the car, he touched it pretending he was accidentley drunkenly swaying his arm into me over and over again. I looked into his eyes and could feel the heat coming off of both our bodies. We no longer needed to talk dirty to feel the attraction we had for each other, I could feel his attraction rubbing against my ass. But then I got control and pictured Chris at home, drunk from his work outing, waiting for me. "Want to come over for a drink? I looked at his lips and willed them to kiss mine, desperate to feel him on me. "I want to, you know I want to. " he said as innocently as he could just before the uber made it's first stop at my place. " "Right, sure, yeah of course," he said as if shaking himself back to reality the same way I did. My boyfriend and I fucked that night and it was dirty and amazing. *The next day I felt so much guilty for wanting Camden so much that I decided to distance myself from him a little. " "Just horny," I said casually as if I didn't know exactly what got into me. At one point afterwards we were both out of breath and Chris said "holy shit, what got into you tonight? Because of how packed it was in there, my ass was pushed right up against his crotch, which we pretended to ignore as we carried on a light-hearted conversation over the opening act. I squeezed his arm as I opened the door to the uber. But I need to go home Camden. For the next month every time I knew he was coming out with the group, I would stay home, claiming I was not in the mood to go out. "Good," I thought, "maybe this will make me want him less". *This brings us to last night, and lo and behold him having a girlfriend did not help me get over him. I heard about it through Chris, and was actually relieved. Still, the reality check only lasted about 45 seconds. "See ya," I said as I hopped out of the car and went up to my wonderful, kind, attractive boyfriend. Then, a wave of excitement came over me. Tall, taller than me, long bright blonde hair down to her waist, very slim. As I saw her follow him into Sean's apartment to greet us all, I tried to come back to reality and think about Chris standing beside me. "This is Katie, I think you are really going to like her, you are a lot alike," Camden said grinning ear to ear. I went in to shake Katie's hand but she came right in and kissed me quickly on the lips. I went up to them and Camden gave me a big hug. Camden talks about you all the time, if I didnt know any better I'd be worried about you. "He's just trying to make you jealous. I imagined them fucking and it got me so hot. It was during this month that Camden started seeing Katie. " *The party carried on and we all got drunker and drunker. But more surprisingly Katies presence didnt make jealous or make me give up on him, instead it just made me want both him and her. " I blushed and lightly hit Camden in the arm, playfully. The boyfreind and I mingled separately and together since we dont need to be neer each other all the time. Surprisingly, Katie didn't mind at all. She played right along with it and shared in our sense of humor and flirtiness. At one point I complimented her on her shirt and touched in gently, somewhat close to where her breast was. As I did that Camden grabbed my hand and pushed it further into Katies boob, so that I kind of groped her. "Aren't her tits great Rach? Normally I consider myself a straight girl, but for the right girl I do get naughty thoughts I admit. I saw her pictures on his instagram account and she sure was a cutie. At one point during the party I was talking with Katie and Camden for a long time. I gave him a sultry look and said "Oh really, would that turn you on? Don't worry about him. Camden and I had our usual flirty banter and while I was trying to keep it kid friendly, its hard to around him. Chris, my boyfriend, had made his way into a bedroom with Sean and some others, likely having some long discussion about who knows what. There were about 8 people in the living room but the music was loud, and people had broken off into smaller groups and weren't paying any attention. You should give them a better feel," Camden said. " "Fuck yeah it would," Camden said as he shot me that grin that makes my pussy ache. He laughed and Katie and I rolled our eyes and giggled. I reached out and gently started feeling Katie up. They felt even bigger than they looked. The party had gotten quite loud and it was pretty clear that no one was listening in on our conversation. Wow she really did have great tits. I looked over and Camden was smiling the biggest smile ever. Katie let out a big laugh and started feeling me up. Then she looked at me in a way that I could tell she was about to kiss me. To see me touching your girlfriend like that? I leaned in a bit to invite her in, and she playfully began teasing my lips with hers, pulling away every once in a while before we could full on make out. *I giggled and finally grabbed her by the neck and kissed her. Our tongues danced for about 30 seconds and I almost forgot Camden was even there. Now, I should say, my boyfriend is not opposed to me kissing other girls, he loves it actually, but I know that he would want me to do it for HIM, not while he's in another room not watching, and definitely not for Camden. I bit Katies lip and we parted and both looked at Camden. I looked over my shoulder to see what kinda privacy we had. He was touching both of us and I finally saw a look of nerves on his face that I was never able to get out of him before. But at this point in the night I was drunk, Katie was hot, and I was so into Camden that the idea of turning him on by making out with his girlfriend seemed to be the right choice. I grabbed Camden and Katie by the hands and led them to the room closest to us. I didnt shut the door fully cuz I wanted to be able to hear what was going on outside the room. *I knew that Chris was in one of the bedrooms with some people and if I know their deep conversations, I knew they werent gonna coming out any time soon. He seemed nervous but excited. *"Can I tell you something? She was a great kisser. 30 seconds in I could feel Camdens hand on my waist, lightly. I decided right then that I needed to have him. I imagine your cock in my mouth. You two are so hot," he said as he rubbed his hands on our waists and down to our asses. I imagine you fucking other girls and how hot you must look when you come. In order to keep Katie involved and make it not seem like it was about me, I said before anyone else could talk "OK I want to see you to together. " He looked down at Katie and they started making out as I stroked their arms and chests. " *He started rubbing me up and down and then adjusted his hardon in his pants. " Camden said "I always thought you were just fucking with me when you flirted. We stared at each other for a few seconds and I could tell he wanted me. This was it, I thought. After a few minutes they came up for air. The anticipation was getting to me, it HAD been getting to me for months now, ever since I first met him. "Sometimes, when I play with myself, I dream about you and what you are like in bed. I looked at his lips and before I could think another thought he leaned down and parted my lips gently with his tongue. " Camden squeezed my arm and got the most surprised look in his eyes. I aggressively kissed him back as we began to ravage each other. fireworks went off in the room the second our tongues touched. " I said over and over. Before I knew it my shirt and bra were on the floor. I was panting and moaning just from making out, that's how much he turns me on. I ripped her shirt off and fumbled with her bra until Camden was able to snap it. *After a while I couldn't take it anymore, I had gone this far, I had to see his cock. I grabbed Katie and started kissing her again to distract me from how much I wanted to fuck her boyfriend. Katie and I already kissed, Camden and Katie already kissed, were Camden and I going to get to kiss finally? " Camden nodded quickly and we backed him up until we got to the futon in the bedroom we were in. or maybe I was just excited. Those are harder to unfasten when it isnt your own bra! " I said, mostly to Camden, but obviously Katie was there too, rubbing both of us slightly. He fell back onto the futon and started unzipping his pants. Katie and I started rubbing it, admiring it. I stopped kissing Katie and said "So what do you think, can Katie and I suck your cock? I finally was able to grab and touch it and holy shit, it was better than I expected. Soon, Katie took his length in her mouth and started bobbing up and down and I licked and sucked his balls gently. I pushed him away because I didn't know how to handle the intensity of how turned on I was. While his dick was probably just your average dick, in the moment it felt and looked like the most best thing I ever seen. I went further down than his balls, almost to his ass, but didn't want to push too far because I dont know what he would be into. I love to be face fucked so I was in heaven. He grabbed my head as I was deep throating him. When I saw his bulge through his boxer briefs my pussy got so wet and began throbbing. We then traded and I deep throated him as she licked his balls. I went in first and licked the head, gently flicking it with my tongue. He started fucking my mouth wicked fast and I started gagging. Katie and I both started licking the length of his cock, and every time we reached the head we would kiss a bit and let our tongues intertwine and then lick back down the shaft. So now my eyes were watering and I was gagging but I didn't care, he is so hot. He came in both of our mouths getting some on our faces as he moved between mouths. *Eventually, an hour or so later, Chris came out of the room he was in with those people and said, "Rach, its late, lets hed out. I looked up and saw Camden staring down at us with the happiest look on his face. He asked me if I had fun at the party and apologized for being in the room so long, "we started getting into politics and philosophy and I didn't even notice the time. The guilt is setting in now but I am going to think about that night for a long, long time. " We stopped and I told Katie to open her mouth and stick out her tongue and I did the same. Katie and I got on our knees and helped him take off his pants. " "It's cool, I kept busy," I said nonchalantly as I pictured Camdens amazing cock shooting a huge rope of come into my mouth. we are early 20s and hes going away to a grad school next fall and i dont plan to leave my home city. **also want to say, not that this makes it better, but chris and i will break up eventually. He tried to stop the blowjob and said that we could all fuck, but Katie was nervous about all hairy pussy sex pictures having sex and I also thought that was the last line that I shouldnt cross, so we continued to suck and lick and slobber all over him for about 5 more minutes until he said "fuck, I'm going to come. We got up off our knees and cleaned up a bit and went back out to the party, trying to seem unsuspicious. again doesnt make the cheating better but in a way maybe it helps because its gonna end anyways flutesandhoes Before she had a chance to swallow I grabbed her face and kissed her swapping the come that was in my mouth for hers.

[arplis]

Arplis - News: Hollywood on the Hudson: At Home in Upstate, New York, with Amanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen

Weve been following Amanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen for years as they leapfrogged around LA. Amanda is an actress-turned-interior designer who has been on a decades-long remodeling tear. Her style is pleasingly simple, sustainable (since before it was a buzzword), and thrifty: see, for instance, Backyard Bunkhouse and11 Money-Saving Strategies from a Hollywood House Flipper. Her partner in the overhauling business is her husband: theyve lived in 25 places in their 31 years of marriage (along the way, they had four sons), and Corbinthough busy acting, writing, and running his own production companyis a Star Handyman.

After being MIA for a while, they recently resurfaced: When Finley, the youngest of our four, graduated high school and took off for NYC, Corbin and I looked at each other and agreed it was time for another adventure, she wrote.Our book, Open House, had just been released, so we decided to sell up in LA and take a book-signing drive across the country in search of our next project. They made it all the way to the Hudson Valley, where Amandas old friend Priscilla Woolworth has resettled, along with a surprising number of other LA defectors. After experiencing their familys first white Christmas, they decided to stay put.

They knew exactly what to do next: find a structure waiting to be given the Amanda/Corbin treatment. After four weeks of real estate hunting, they bought an 1880s little farmhouse in Germantown, New York, that needed everything. They camped out in a loft rental in nearby Hudson, found a local contractor, and started the demo. Weather dictates a lot here, which was an eye opener for us coming from Californiaand also learning that life has a slower pace here; love that, says Amanda. Heres what the place looks like a year later.

Photography by Amanda Westby, unless noted.

Above: Corbin and Amanda and sons at their new residence (the photo was taken by their oldest sons girlfriend and became this years holiday card). Hands-on creativity runs in the family: two sons work as art directors/production designers in LA., another is in the start-up side of tech, and the youngest is at NYU film school.

The couple bought the house from third-generation owners (who live nearby and were selling when their mother passed away). It had been pale yellow with a front door that was purple and white with a bit of turquoise thrown in, says Amanda. Its now painted a greenish-charcoal called Deep River and the door is Grand Canyon Red, both from Benjamin Moore. Upstate gentrifiers have been accused of defaulting to noirish exteriors, but Amanda defends the choice: its a classic color that draws attention to the architecture and looks great against the backdrop of all these seasons. Plus for every dark house, there are ten white farmhouses around here. Photograph by Jessica Dube.

Above: The couplehes 65, she just turned 60say they love their new surroundings and plan to stay upstate. Theyve become part of a community thats big on bartering: Amanda Westby, co-owner of Alder & Co, employs Amanda as a model in exchange for clothes (Amanda also took most of the photos shown here), and Amanda says she recently gave her doctors husband remodeling advice for medical care.

Im continually struck by the adventure of this new experience and discovering an entire life so different from palm trees, beaches, convertibles, and eternal sunshine, Corbin recently wrote on Facebook. My biggest problem, I guess, if Im allowed to go there, is that I have tons of time to think without all the distractions that Im used to.And when the snow falls, its even more quiet than the normal quiet that Im getting used to. You can hear your heartbeat, literally or perhaps thats the shoveling of snow forcing blood through my veins.

Above: The back doors and basement bulkhead are also Benjamin Moore Grand Canyon Red: I knew if I was going with dark monotone windows, I had to find a place to uplift, says Amanda.

She learned about remodeling historic houses from her father, who was an actor-turned agent and the original house flipper in the family: I grew up in southeast England, and he used to drag me around to look at properties and would ask my opinion. So the whole house buying, fixing-up, reselling thing came from my childhood. And Corbin, coincidentally, learned carpentry from his mother and uncle.

Above: The front door opens to the original staircase: as it was, the door banged into the stair, says Corbin. We fixed that and had to reproduce some of thebalusters. Above: Much of the art and furnishings have traveled with the couple from house to house. (Corbin has become a master packer and uses Pods as an economical way to move households.) Amanda bought the paintinga 1951 work by Brazilian Constructivist Lygia Clark30 years ago while filming a movie in Brazil. The zinc umbrella and cane holder is a long ago LA swap meet purchase.

Amanda tells us: Weve been at this practically since our first date, when Corbin showed me his house that he had just finished himself, and I said, I think were going to have to make some changes. It was full-blown Santa Fe-style and needed some tweaking and layeringsome soul. The English in me came out, and thats when we started blending our styles, and buying and selling things.

Above: We went down to the studs and nothing else, says Corbin of the 1,700 square foot interior. This is the equivalent of a bionic house. Explains Amanda: We replaced or added: HVAC, all plumbing, all electric, insulation, new drywall, bathrooms, and the kitchen.

Their most dramatic move was to open up the main floor and introduce oak beams throughout that are both structural (the ones shown here) and cosmetic. The floor is the original sub floors stripped and sealed with Pure Matte Finish from Vermont Natural Coatings.

Above: The vintage Franklin stove came from Hoffmans Barn in Red Hook, NY. The walls throughout are painted with lime wash from Portola in LA. Amanda had the curtains stitched from canvas drop cloths (each is a hemmed single panel).

I like a neutral balance, so drop cloths always work, she says. I usually make them into shades, but you hardly notice these curtains, and in the winter you can pull them shut to make the room feel warmer.

Above: The living space opens to a roomy dining area and kitchen. The cabinets are Ikeawith Ikeas vertical-groovedHittarp fronts in an off-white lacquer that Amanda painted herself. This isnt something they recommend, but it worked well: even the chipping looks authentic. I used a heavy Kilz primerno sandingfollowed by two coats of Benjamin Moore Chelsea Gray in a satin finish.

Amanda found the center island marble slab on Craigs List for $150 and drove two hours in a U-Haul to get it.

Above: The dining table is one of several pieces that the couple found during their first pilgrimage to the Brimfield flea market. We arrived in the rain witha list of items we needed, including maximum and minimum measurements for each piece, says Amanda.

Corbin bought the tablemaybe originally a schoolhouse piece, definitely Europeanusing money he had saved from the many years his mother tucked bills in his Christmas stocking. I finally realized I dont have to worry about never having a buck in my hand, and decided to honor my late mother with a table that we love.

Above: The counters are butcher block from Ikea and Amanda finished the cabinets with painted wood knobs she bought at Home Depot. The Kitchen Aid stove and other appliances are also from Home Depot: I go when theyre having a buy two get the third free sale. Above: The aluminum hooks in the back entry came from a favorite hardware/antiques store in La Bisbal, Spain, within driving distance of their vacation house, A Fixed-Up Farm in the South of Francethe one project they say theyll never sell.

Recognize the dog painting? We doit appeared in Remodelista: The Organized Home and our postAmanda Pays and Corbin Bernsen Air Their Dirty Laundry.

Above: The moody back room with new built-in bookshelves is the library/TV room and Corbins home office. The lime wash here proved tricky: the couples two oldest sons drove the paint across the country and it froze along the way. When they painted this room, it was streaky and lumpy in parts, says Corbin. I came back from LA with more paint and went over it. I didnt finish but realized it looked right: we like patched-together rather than perfect.

The Emmy is Corbins mothers lifetime achievement awardJeanne Cooper, the grande dame of daytime, was on The Young and The Restless for 40 years, and played Corbins mother on LA Law.

Above: Amanda notes that the cold climate has inspired her to get back into pillows and blankets draped on sofas, and even living with stuff: its about feeling cozy. She got the sofa and chair at the Hammertown Barn in nearby Pine Plains: Theyre from the summer tent sale: I was the first in line at 7 am. Above: The lime-washed powder room is two-toned, another signature touch of Amandas. The Little Bo Peep collage was a recent surprise gift: One of the original owners came by and said, My mother made this tapestry piece and Id like it to remain in the house.' Above: Amandas deskpurchased for $150 at a local auctionis set in a bay on the side of the house. Most of the windows are original and have beautiful glass that ripples, she says. I hung bird feeders right outside, so I can watch the birds as I work. Above: There are three bedrooms upstairs. The red painting, by Peter Aspell, is another fave that goes with us from house to house. Above: The master bedroom has a conceptual headboard: Amanda dragged home from a walk along the Hudson River near their house. In lieu of doors, she enclosed the closets with curtains made from a Les Indiennes print purchased at the companys Hudson, NY, shop. It a very informal little house; curtains lend a relaxed feeling and they dont take up any room. Above: Corbins guitar in a corner of the guest room.The upstairs floors are painted Benjamin Moore Wrought Iron. The reclaimed beams used throughout came from The Hudson Companyand from sellers on Craigs List. Above: The rebuilt upstairs bath has a new-old look. The tub, along with three sinks, came from Hoffmans Barn: Amanda and Corbin hauled them to a local refinisher (but left the exterior of the tub stripped). The painted floors and beams extend appear here, too: Our contractor said, you cant have wood in the bath, and we said, Yes you can,'says Amanda. Above: The houses ceramic doorknobs are original. The giant medicine cabinet next to the sink is one of the couples Brimfield finds: its an antique jelly cupboard that came with decoupaged doors: Amanda whitewashed it and then tackled our kitchen cabinets, says Corbin.

Whats next? Amanda reports that theyre looking for a larger place in the area to tackle nextwed like to have enough room for the whole family and friendsand some rescue donkeys and goats The plan is to keep this house and down the line rent it out. I want to host people in cool environments, while I go gray and grow veggies, says Amanda.

More upstate style:

Architect Visit: A Dutchess County Farmhouse Transformed

Hudson Valley Hues: At Home with an Inventive Textile Designer

Saved from Abandonment: A Historic Farmhouse Receives the Ultimate Make-Under

And for many places to stay in the area, consult to our Design Travel posts.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/hollywood-on-the-hudson-at-home-in-upstate-new-york-with-amanda-pays-and-corbin-bernsen