#i have no clever caption just look at her son

[fool-of-second-breakfast]

Connor Murphy wasn't a bad person.

He was misunderstood by everyone, including his own family. When people say that he wouldn't have regretted his death because the Connor project did so much good, and his sister got a kind and caring boyfriend, in my eyes are wrong. Because in the book he has clearly stated that he just doesn't care, he didn't see the point. He was dead, anything that happened after just didn't matter. 

He didn't understand why Evan was making up lies about being his friend, he thought it was weird but ultimately didn't care. Yes he did get annoyed at his mother for believing what Evan said about him, but never openly got mad at him for doing it. He got mad at his mom for believing it because she never took the time to actually know her son. 

His own parents refused to understand and listen to him, opting to just treat him like a project, hoping that if they just threw money at the issue that it would get better. In reality, Connor only wanted someone that would listen to him, who could understand him, he never really got that. Granted his parents did love him, but they didn't treat him right. They didn't want to deal and actually talk out his problems, they just wanted him fixed. 

Connor just didn’t want to be alone, but he was.

When people say that Connor is a terrible person for the way that he treated Zoe, they don't understand that Zoe also treated him horribly. Yes Zoe was neglected by her parents because they were concerned with Connor, but does that give her the right to treat Connor horribly? I don't think so. In reality she should have been mad at her parents and not Connor. It was her parents that put Connor above her, not Connor putting himself above her. Connor wanted help, he wanted someone to just listen and understand him. He never got that. He never got to be himself either, he tried. But it didn't work out. 

"But see, anytime my mother got a glimpse of the raw me, she couldn't take it. There'd be so much fear in her eyes. There was love, too- I saw it. But the fear... that's what stuck with me. You catch that look, and it's not like you're itching to open yourself up. No, you shut down pretty quickly." 

Another line. 

"I suppose this is what I get for building my walls so high. My family never got to know about my life." 

He didn't let his family get to know him, because he scared his family. He loved them, and he knew that they loved him, but he scared them. He knew that he was ultimately alone, he had nobody and nobody wanted him. So he made his exit, and you can't blame him for doing so. 

Another thing that people don't mention nearly enough. Connor was an avid reader. He constantly quotes/brings up famous writers or people (Shakespeare, Nietzsche, etc) Evan also goes on to mention books that he notices that Connor owns. And points it out as a similarity that they had. 

"Also, like me, Connor has shelves crammed with books. I see The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The Catcher In The Rye, The Great Gatsby, and The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh. Some of the stuff I've never heard of, some I have... He's got at least a half a dozen Kurt Vonnegut novels. A few have Dewey decimal numbers on the spines." 

He goes on to point out one book that they have both read. "Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer." He goes on to say that it's a weird feeling, knowing that they've both read the same book. That he could've had more in common with him. That they could've had a conversation about the books they've read, that maybe they could've been friends. Evan then goes on to open Connors sketch book, landing on a page of a man being rained on by rats and spiders. The caption of the drawing reading, "Crittercism." Evan finds it clever and funny. 

So yeah, Evan could've been Connor's friend. Main word being "Could've". They were both socially awkward, and anxiety ridden, so in reality, no they probably wouldn't have become friends. Neither of them would've sucked up the courage to try.

Not to mention, Connor did have a friend, Miguel. Who is not talked about enough. Because Connor did have feelings for Miguel, but he was scared. Scared whenever Miguel would get too close, and whenever Miguel did get too close he would jump away, only allowing Miguel to get tiny glimpses of his raw self. And as mentioned earlier, his family was scared of his raw self, he didn't want to lose Miguel over that, didn't want to lose Miguel because he finally decided to open up and show him his raw self. He didn't want Miguel to become scared of him like his family had. 

That is one of the reasons why I hate when people say that Connor was a terrible and heartless person, because he wasn't. He was just scared. 

Another reason why I hate it when people say that is because once Evan comes clean to the Murphys, he leaves, wandering out onto the street. Connor follows. Not angry with him, but actually relates to what Evan is saying and going through. He watches as Evan breaks, coming to sit in the middle of the street. Connor begins to get almost worried for Evan, checking the street for cars before feeling compelled to try and reason with Evan. He knows that Evan can't actually hear him, but try anyways. 

"Get up, I say. He shakes his head, keeps shaking it. He can try to wish the pain away. Not going to make it stop. Trust me, I tried." A distant headlight appears. He knows that Evan sees it, but Evan still doesn't move. 

Connor keeps trying to get Evan to move. Eventually getting right in his face. 

"Own it, I say. I wasn't able to. You hear me? Evan? That's what you do. You get up. And you own it." 

You can't tell me that Connor was a horrible person, when he tried to help Evan knowing that Evan couldn't hear him. Tried to help the boy that made up lies about his life. 

Connor never blamed Evan for anything, because he understood Evan more than anyone would ever understand himself. He understood Evan the same way he wanted someone to understand himself. 

Ultimately I don't think Connor did anything wrong, or that he was a bad person. In my eyes, he's an amazing character. As a person, and a character. He is so misunderstood, it's sad seeing a character that was already misunderstood, continue to be misunderstood.

Connor was alone. He loved jokes. He was sensitive. He didn’t blame anyone for what happened, “It’s no one’s fault. And it’s everyone’s.”

Connor made his exit.

[nickelkeep]

Multipass

Pairing: Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen Rating: General Word Count: 1k Warnings: none! Written For: Day 2 AMOK2020, written for @dotthings at the request of @casgirlsam On Ao3

Dean looked between Sam and Eileen as he entered the Deancave. Sam was sitting in such a way that Dean couldn’t see his face or hands, but Dean could easily make out the devilish look on Eileen’s face. They were up to something, and Dean be damned, he knew it was no good. “Sammy! I got the popcorn.”

Sam’s head whipped around, his insane locks of hair whipping into his face. “About time. Thought you died.” He brushed his hair out of his face, before turning back to Eileen and catching her up. “Just need Cas and Jack.”

“We’re here.” Jack stepped past Dean, a cup in his hand that he was clearly trying to keep Sam from seeing. He sat in one of the recliners, furthest away from Sam, and had a clearly guilty look on his face. Dean raised an eyebrow, craning his neck up, and noted the dark fizzy liquid.

Like he’d ever deny the kid a soda.

“Dean?” Cas’ hand clasped his shoulder. “Should we sit?”

Dean nodded and gestured to the sofa, considering Sam and Eileen had stolen the loveseat - a new purchase once she moved into the bunker with them. “So, I figured, it’s a rare night off, we’re all back from our hunts… Let’s watch something completely not related to creepy crawlies.”

“Like what, Dean?” Sam watched him intently, and Dean got all the confirmation he needed that Sam and Eileen were up to no good. “You’re not a ‘chick flick’ kind of guy, and honestly, I don’t want to watch Die Hard.”

“Wasn’t planning on that, Sammy. Gotta keep Jack’s pop culture experience growing.” Dean walked over to the shelf next to the TV and pulled a case down. “Jack, when we were out, you said you were interested in something.”

“Science Fiction.” Jack nodded his head, confirming their earlier conversation. “I have already watched what you called the original Star Wars Trilogy, but you said that there is so much more to the series.”

“Yep. But there’s also other movies and shows.” Dean flipped around The Fifth Element, showing it to the room. “A classic with a little bit of everything.”

“Is it like the Princess Bride?” Cas tilted his head.

Sam hummed before answering. “Strangely, yes. I never thought of it that way.”

“What are you talking about, Sam? They’re nothing alike.” Dean finished popping the disc in the player and set the movie to play, making sure to turn on the captions for Eileen.

“A band of adventurers pulled into a reluctant quest?” Sam looked at Eileen and signed for her to back him up.

“I’m with Dean on this one, sorry, Sam.” Eileen patted Sam’s cheek before snuggling up against him.

Sam harrumphed before squeezing Eileen affectionately. “Well, I can say that you’re a lot like Korben, and Cas is a lot like Leeloo.” Sam shot a smug bitch face at Dean.

“Two bad-asses? Does that make you Cornelius?” Sam frowned at Dean before turning his attention to the screen.

Throughout the movie, Sam would shoot looks over at Cas and Dean, hoping to see one of them have an epiphany based on his comparison of them to Leeloo and Korben. They were speaking to each other in hushed tones. Still, the bits and pieces Sam could hear sounded like Dean expanding upon the movie, or sharing his insane amount of behind the scenes knowledge.

Disappointed that his attempt to get them to open their eyes went over their heads, Sam turned back to the movie. He planted a kiss on top of Eileen’s head, earning a happy sigh from her, and found contentment.

Once the movie finished, Jack stood up and quickly grabbed the empty popcorn bowl and his cup before exiting the Deancave. Cas and Dean had each set up on their own sides of the sofa, and Eileen was still relaxed in Sam’s arms.

Dean sat up straight and stretched out before resting his arm on the back of the sofa. “So, Cas. What did you think?” He winked at Cas, whose mouth quirked up in the briefest of smiles before returning to its ordinarily stoic position. “Was it good?”

“It was. I especially liked the combination of multiple religions to make a unique religion.”

“What did you think of Korben and Leeloo?” Sam spoke up, and Dean looked at him, rolling his eyes.

“Dean is very much like Korban.” Cas agreed, nodding his head. “And I assume that being an angel would associate with Leeloo’s otherworldliness. So I can also understand that comparison.”

Eileen snickered into her hand, hiding her face before looking up at Sam and shaking her head.

“What’s so funny?” Cas looked at Eileen and signed before looking to Sam.

“Sam thinks he’s clever,” Eileen replied, the smirk on her face growing broader.

“I’m just curious if he and Dean see anything similar between their friendship and Korben and Leeloo.” Sam glared at Eileen, who pushed herself up and kissed him in response.

Dean crossed his arms and stared pointedly at his younger brother. “You’re implying something, Sam. It’s a line you probably don’t want to cross.”

“Well, I’m not asking you then. Cas?”

Cas looked at Dean, and Dean shrugged in response. “There is certainly a profound bond between Korben and Leeloo, much like Dean and myself. And they also have sexual intercourse, which Dean and I thoroughly enjoy–”

Eileen squeaked as Sam shot up in response. “What!?”

“What’s wrong, Sammy?” Dean laid back against Cas, who wrapped his arm around him. “Not expecting that?”

“What? When?” Sam stuttered over his words as he looked exasperatedly around the room.

“What’s going on?” Jack walked back into the room, a partially unwrapped candy bar in hand. “Sam’s bright red. Is he under a spell?”

Eileen spoke and signed to Jack. “He just found out about Cas and Dean.”

“How did you not know?” Jack tilted his head to his side. “I’ve known since before I was born.”

Sam’s jaw fell open as he stared at their adopted son. “Before? What…” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took in a deep breath before turning to Eileen and signing. “They hid this from us?”

“Sure. From us. I’m completely surprised too,” Eileen deadpanned, her smile giving her away if her tone didn’t. “I had no clue.”

“I hate you all.” Sam slouched back into the loveseat, and Eileen reclaimed her spot next to him. “But I’m happy for you two jerks.”

“Thanks… Bitch.”

Dean didn’t even try to dodge the pillow Sam threw at him.

[miracul0us-multishipper]

My idea what could happen in Felix

Everything was as he remembered it. No piece of furniture had moved in the last year, not even a new picture decorated the stern grey walls. This house was just like the man it belonged to: cold, serious, stagnant.

Yet, when Felix stepped over the threshold behind his mother, there was a tingle of anticipation in the air that hadn’t been there the last time he had visited.

The Agreste Mansion might look unchanged, but the household it harbored was certainly not. And with all the factors leading up to this day, Felix sensed potential.

Change number one: Aunt Emelie was no longer here. He had not been able to find confirmation on her death, but it was irrelevant anyway. She was out of the picture for now, which meant no more suspicious eyes on him, and no more watchful supervision of his interactions with Adrien. Gabriel Agreste, he knew for sure, did not care about his son in the slightest as long as he was within the confines of his home.

Change Number two: Natalie Sancœur, his other watchdog, had greater things to worry about. Whether it was the mysterious illness that was just too similar to Emilie’s to be a coincidence, or having to hide her scandalous infatuation with her employer, she would not be able to keep track of him if he was careful.

Change number three: Ladybug had been in this house. Two times at least, maybe more often in secret.

Felix could almost see her, as if this soulless mansion had memorized her, as if her mere presence had left traces only he could sense. A red glow of life amidst the mausoleum Agreste called his home. A piece of art in this tasteless temple of wasted potential.

Truly, a goddess in the over-pompous shag of a self-important fool. He couldn’t fault Agreste for never leaving the house: the man should be too ashamed to even look into a mirror. If it hadn’t been for his lack of time, Felix could have come to Paris months ago already. Thanks to him, Felix had wasted precious time pacing around in his home.

“Good afternoon, Uncle.” he greeted the collective disappointment of the fashion world with a smile. “It is a pleasure to meet you again. I hope you have been well.”

It would be too much to hope that he had caught the mysterious illness as well, wouldn’t it?

Gabriel Agreste eyed him with a subtle approval - despite not being related by blood, they were both formal speakers, even with family. Then the old man awarded him with a nod, before moving on to exchange pleasantries with his mother. His usual mistake. He was so far less observant than his wife had been. She had loved Felix, he supposed, the way she would have loved any family member. But oh, she had been clever enough not to trust him. He’d never been alone with Adrien, her sheltered little darling, for more than a few minutes before she would check on them. Manipulating his all too trusting cousin had been impossible, or at least not profitable as long as Emilie had been there to foil his schemes. But she wasn’t here, now.

And Gabriel’s dismissal of Felix was a guarantee that no one would pay any attention if he wanted to spend some time with his dear cousin.

Perfect.

As his mother and Gabriel continued their conversation, he casually wandered to the stairs. Slipping into Adrien’s room used to be a lot harder, the last time. Just as the rest of the house, this room hadn’t changed a bit. The same bed sheets, the same books in the shelves, the same carpets on the floor.

The only difference was his computer. Felix stiffened when he saw that it was turned on and displayed a familiar figure. Ladybug beamed at him from every monitor, radiant even as a mere picture. He came closer.

At home, he’d spent hours rummaging through the Internet and news channels to find pictures of her, to the point where he was positive he had seen every photography there was of her. But he’d never seen this one.

Where did you get this, Adrien?

A scoff escapes him. Of course Adrien would happen to have pictures nobody else had of the red masked idol. He just was that lucky. Had always been. Well, not anymore. Now that Felix was back in Paris, he’d make sure that he, the far more worthy cousin, would receive Ladybug’s favor. For now though, Felix had to have this picture!

He moved to the keyboard to send it to his phone, when a cough let him freeze.

“Felix”, Adrien greeted him coldly. “You are early.”

Oh, right. He had completely forgotten about him.

“Adrien!”, Felix turned around to his cousin, a bright smile on his face. “I convinced Mother to leave a little sooner so we would arrive before nightfall. It’s been so long, hasn’t it?”

Adrien’s sour face relaxed for a moment, before returning to wary.

“Not that long.”

Polite for “not long enough”. He had to get onto Adrien’s good side again if he wanted to succeed.

“It felt like ages to me.”, Felix kept up his cheerful tone. “I’ve been so bored this year. Remember how much fun we used to have?”

Adrien’s eyes narrowed.

“The last time you were here, you tricked me into ruining my fathers designs. He didn’t speak to me for weeks!”

True. Though he hadn’t expected Gabriel to be this vindictive, he’d been bored and Adrien was easy to commandeer around. It had been fun to make him run errands in his father’s atelier, and if he’d convinced him to press a few buttons on Gabriel’s tablet... so what? His uncle was so much more entertaining when he was furious.

“You made it look as if I did it on purpose!”

Felix’ smile wavered.

“I did? I’m sure I warned you that playing with your fathers things had consequences.”

Well, he’d formulated it differently, back then. Maybe he’d phrased it to make Adrien think Gabriel would praise him for sorting his designs. But these details were irrelevant now.

“It’s been so long, I barely remember.”, he chuckled.

After Adrien didn’t budge, he added: “But I’m very sorry if you got in trouble.”

He sighed deeply, thinking of his goal.

“The truth is, I wasn’t always very considerate of you. And I’m really sorry, Adrien.”

His cousins distrust seemed to fade, so he continued.

“You were nothing but welcoming of me, and I was a little... too excited. There’s a lot I should have done differently.”

That much was true.

“I was hoping we could start over,” he offered Adrien the bait, “but I understand if you prefer for me to leave you alone.”

Adrien’s greatest fear: being alone. He would be like clay in his hands now.

“I...”, the older boy started. He was visibly torn between caution and hope, before his need for company took over. “O-Okay. I understand. And... I would like to spend time with you.”

A smile appeared on Adrien’s face.

“Starting over sounds... great!”

He’d taken the bait, just as always. Emilie’s golden boy would never learn.

As he moved to hug his cousin, slipping Adrien’s phone into the sleeve of his shirt was a piece of cake.

-

Oh. Well. He’d thought he had a lot of pictures of Ladybug, but it looked like Adrien had once again beaten him at something. And it wasn’t just the amount of photos, it was their content! Close ups of Ladybug’s face, smiling into the camera or waving at the photographer. Shots of her jumping over the rooftops, from a point of view that should have been impossible to attain. The blurriness of the buildings told him that the camera must have moved at a similar speed as Ladybug, but no News Helicopter should have been able to fly this low or close to her.

“How did you get these?”, he murmured, envy twisting his guts. A gasp escaped him when he reached the last picture of the collection. It was a selfie, and Ladybug was laughing into the camera while playfully shoving the person taking the picture away. Felix couldn’t see the face of the mysterious photographer, but amidst the blurred brawl there was a splotch of familiar blond hair.

He couldn’t believe it.

Adrien, this naive, immature and clueless brat, had taken a selfie with Ladybug on the rooftops of Paris. He was close enough for her to laugh with him, close enough for her to tussle and fool around with on a photo. Everything Felix desired was once again already in his cousins hands. How?!

His mind was racing. He had to change his plans.

Originally, Felix had wanted to use Adrien to get close to the Ladyblogger. The girl obviously had - or knew someone who had - the means to ask Ladybug for an interview. Once he found out how, he would have been able to meet her. To convince her of himself.

But now this was out of discussion. If he wanted Ladybug to pay attention to him, he needed Adrien out of the way.

Without further ado, he opened a closet and pulled out some of Adrien’s clothes. He got changed, ruffled his hair to match his cousin, and carefully peeked out of the bathroom. Adrien was busy on his computer, allowing Felix to check if he had gotten everything right. The hair, the clothes, the shoes... the ring! He wouldn’t manage to steal it without Adrien noticing, but- ...Wait. Since when was Adrien wearing a ring? And why hadn’t he seen it in any Agreste collection?

He felt like there was more to it, but time was precious. Lazily he snipped a piece of soap against the window, causing Adrien to look up and walk towards the other side of the room. A little sneakiness on his part, and he was out of the room.

The adults were in the dining room, talking about things that didn’t interest him in the slightest. He unlocked Adrien’s phone - this idiot hadn’t changed his password in years - and took a selfie with the distracted adults in the background.

“Father isn’t watching - time to sneak out!”, he captioned it, before accidentally sending it to Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s social media.

He didn’t have to wait long. Ducking behind the stairs, he watched as Nathalie looked on her phone, before suddenly rushing up the stairs to check on her protégé. Muffled voices argued on the first floor, before Nathalie closed and locked the door behind her - trapping Adrien in his room.

“Sorry, cousin.”, Felix smirked. “But I can’t afford to have you ruining my chances.”

With that, he happily strolled out of the mansion, ready to conquer Paris - and the heart of its hero.

[arsenicpanda]

favorite gif set or gif you have made?

Ooh, so this is a complicated one, and I’m going to split hairs on it because there are different things I’m proud of.  So buckle up, it’s time for a long list, long enough that it’s read more time, baby, and hopefully it works.

My favorite high-effort gif set is either the Two Truths and a Lie set because I love the concept and it took so goddamn long, but I think it was really worth it or the “Riverdale: It’s sort of a roller coaster ride where you’re always going down” set because I love have a compilation of Riverdale’s wildest moments from seasons 1 to 3.

My favorite comedy/crossover gif set is probably Riverdale + Unraveled because I think it’s just a really good fit, and it cracks me up every time.

My favorite single character gif set is a tie between the Jughead + Born Depressed set and the Jughead + alternate definition of “Bad Boy” that he actually fits set (the latter of which doesn’t look that good on mobile because it fucks up the red font for some reason) that I liked the idea of so much that I fucking remade it after I got better at making gifs.  I think they both really fit his character, albeit in different way.  Bonus points for “Born Depressed” because Jughead having a youtube channel ala Jim Sterling (who uses the song as his theme) is 100% believable, and bonus points for “actual Bad Boys” because it includes the “cares about his community” angle that is so vital to Serpent!Jughead but that most people forget when approaching Serpent!Jughead.  Like, if a take on Serpent!Jughead isn’t heavily advocating for, caring about, supporting, and prioritizing his community, what is even the point?

My favorite bughead gif set is either the flavors of bughead set or the Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E” set (which also doesn’t look good on mobile because I didn’t think to check it first and the font is too thin and the red fucks it up again orz, but I really like how it looks on desktop).  I loved singling out the flavors of bughead (especially “fucking insufferable,” they’re so that) and finding fonts that best fit the concepts (something a friend of mine suggested I do when I asked for her opinion on the original set, which only mentioned the flavors angle in the caption).  And I’m a huge fan of Nat King Cole’s “L-O-V-E”, it’s a.) absolutely gorgeous in lyrics and voice (god, Nat King Cole had the most amazing voice) and b.) the ultimate shipping song, and I think I nailed fitting the lyrics to the scenes.

My favorite parallels gif set is either the Jughead v Penny + Gladys v Penny set that is so spot on because that parallel was the very first thing I saw when I saw Gladys interrogating Penny; you really see that Jughead is his mother’s son there.  And it has a synchronized movement between Jughead and Gladys that I really like (and that movement is the main reason I haven’t tried to remake it with different coloring so the lighting is brighter, although I do like the coloring on the Gladys scene).  Alternately, it’s the “the Jones parents getting what (they know) they deserve” set because it really illustrates the way the Jones parents know they suck and is another one I remade, this time because I had used “grab every other frame” when making it, which made the gifs look choppy, and that bugged the shit out of me, especially because it’s my most popular gif set.

My favorite coloring is definitely the Jughead borrowed Sweet Pea’s brass knuckles to beat up Bret set because, god, it was so fucking hard to color.  I know they look like normal scenes and not, y’know, artsy, clever coloring (something I really don’t know how to do) so they don’t look hard, but, let me tell you, they were a struggle.  I had to fight a scene full of blue/cyan for the Sweet Pea gif (and I won btw) and removing the overlay of blue/cyan and making Sweet Pea’s skin look like a human skin color and not fucking grey was a nightmare, and the Jughead scene had this ugly, ugly green color to it that was a bitch and a half to fix.  I’ve had to reuse both scenes in later gif sets, and I just reused the PSDs each time because I’m not getting those to look better than I did.

And, finally, my favorite “thoughts on” gif set is definitely the one based on my dad’s shipping bughead right after episode one, which was, I think, the first one I made in photoshop, and is so old that I didn’t even know the right tags to use for gif sets or the right dimensions to use for gifs, and it’s the other set I liked the concept of so much that I remade it so it looked better.  It’s just such a charming and hilarious reaction to the first episode of Riverdale.  Because he didn’t care about the corpse of Jason Blossom that was just found, no, his first question was about Jughead’s love life, which I think is fucking hilarious.

Oh, and my favorite non-Riverdale set is probably the SNL parody of “Roxie” with Kelly Anne Conway set because I so, so love that parody and wanted it in gif form.

tl;dr I have different favorites for different types of gif sets and also I’m super indecisive.

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 44

Spoilers, obv.

I'm aware that this is either going to be a relatively short one or an epic one. The risk of the latter is that rather than just talking about the issue, for the first time I'm free to talk about the series as a whole, and so talk about some of those other choices. There'll be some of that, but it would warp the nature of the notes, and give some false perspective. I can talk about it being over now, sure, but talking about it all means I'm not talking about this element. Not least because I can't talk about it all – there's still the question of issue 45.

But still. There's a lot to talk about, and a lot of hard things in here to do. We knew where we going, but the devil is in the details. The devil's everywhere.

Jamie/Matt's Cover

Minerva finally gets her head-shot. I was a little worried that people would realise exactly what was happening to Minerva here, but I didn't see anyone realise she's falling, and speculate why. Of course, I knew what it was and couldn't not see it. That's how it works.

It's a striking last image though – this is an especially blank glance, in the middle of all the motion. Matt's pink/white nimbus is really powerful too.

Emma Rios/Miquel Muerto

Emma's one of our favourite artists, and we were so glad that we managed to get her before the end. Emma's always someone who gets this evocative drama of it all – this is obviously a momentous cover, but you don't know the moment until reading. Laura and Lucifer being a core relationship, and the hint of leaving. Miquel does strong, atmospheric things with the colours as well. It's a great cover to end the story on. On - Pretty Deadly is back on the same day as 45, and I can't wait. Gets!

IFC

In terms of minor things we did which have a big emotional effect, changing the gods' names to their human names was certainly one. It sits there and stings.

Page 1

This issue is particularly tightly wound, so we set the clock on the issue in this one page.

I had a couple of people wonder where the cops came from. I presume it's because the delay in publication – the "we have to go now because of woden's tape has revealed we're almost all complicit" is the only reason why they went for Minerva immediately.

For a page that's so tightly wound, Jamie does some great establishing here. Opening panel with the fire in top of Valhalla, to link to last issue. A shot with all these people in it – a character beat, and three extremely dialogue low panels.

Page 2

Riff on Better The Devil You Know.

The weird rhythm in WicDiv is the arcs-which-take-place-in-a-very-short-time and arcs-which-take-place-over-months.  Faust act, Rising Action, Imperial Phase II, "Okay" are the over-a-short time. Fandemonium, Commercial Suicide, Imperial Phase I and Mothering Invention are the extended ones. The closest to one which does both is Faust Act, which spreads its action over a week or two.

Page 3

Lovely stuff in here with Jamie, in terms of character work – obviously this is Lucifer hamming it up, but seeing individual responses around the room is a hell of a thing. Minerva's a total mess here.

Valentine giving up clever insults at this point is probably a thing.

Page 4-5 "Bothersome" is a very Lucifer word. The expression in panel 2 is also key Lucifer – that eye-roll of it.

Laura's captions also arrive mid way through – key, as they're clearly going to be key. I was thinking of having them at the start of page 3 as well, but we can let us live in the moment.

Laura's performance tentacles is a lovely panel – seeing how Matt works the colours on the space. The blues fading to white, the reds. Honestly, this is making me miss working with Matt already, and seeing how good he and Jamie are together.

Callbacks here to Lucifer in the first arc – the cycle of it all.

"There were two girls in hell" makes me well up. |It's one of my favourite Jamie expressions in the issue.

Page 6-7

When planning the larger structure of WicDiv, I was aware that I made certain calls in hope I would be able to save people. The early "death" of the Heads was actually a way to protect them. I was aware that characters who were in play were far more likely to die, as they had more chances to do so. I knew I could likely save the heads, so by making them heads, I made it more likely.

I originally planned for Dionysus to die, but I couldn't bear it. His hubris was real, but the idea that someone could give so much without anyone really caring or doing something for him was too heart breaking, even for me. I realised during Rising Action that I could actually save him – the pieces were already in play, and I just had to lean into those relationships to lead to Baph's choices. At the start, I wasn't sure where Baphomet ended in year 4 – part of me thought he'd survive, as I didn't have that final beat for him at the start. That I didn't have a hard end for Baphomet always made him open to the story finding another purpose for him – which is an end which I can't imagine any other way now. WicDiv is an awful necessary machine.

That applied to Lucifer too. She was a darling, obviously, but she was always going to be trouble. Part of me was aware that she could come back and almost immediately get killed again. I'd like her to make it out, but it was possible she wouldn't.

So, as I said last time, when I realised she was the final opposition I was pleased – that was perfect to the themes and the structure.

I wrote in my synopsis that Laura uses a performance to touch Lucifer and convince her into renouncing her godhood, and left it at that.

There it sat until I came to script it.

Because, in all honesty, I had no idea how Laura was going to convince Lucifer to give up her godhood. I just trusted that there would be some way Laura could reach her. Or, really, I hoped there was – because I knew if I wrote something that didn't feel convincing to me, I wouldn't do the scene. Lucifer would have died instead.

So, the day came when I was scripting this sequence, and I started writing, and wondered what the performance would be, and I just wrote "Laura descends the Ananke head sequence and drags Luci back."

Then I leaned back, a little shocked, because that was clearly right, and so clearly fit with what the series does – a final deconstruction of one of our core visual icons, giving a new way to look at the sequence and think about it. It was just there. As if it was there all along. Or just the sort of thought that emerges when you've been obsessed over this fucking thing for five years.

I'm aware of the weird resonance as well – Laura's finding a performance to save a friend is me finding a performance to save a character. WicDiv was a weird book.

Jamie and Matt go to town, of course – the melting faces are just painful, and wonderfully done. The fleshy reds, the fires. How Clayton uses the captions across the page to play with pacing...

I originally suggested we do it completely as the WicDiv spread, with Laura crawling across the centre spread and making her way up – that it would be treating what is meant to be two columns as a space was decided to be too much, so instead we went with flipping to a subjective perspective on a space that we've only experienced from a single objective outside viewpoint. That's got magic too.

Page 8

A long time to get to this kiss, right?

We moved the dialogue around a little to nail some moments – we had the magic effect on the final panel so the transition to the next page wasn't too much.

The annoyance of Eleanor in the last panel is just my everything. I described it to Jamie by using a metaphor of me in my early thirties, having split up with an Ex, and torn between various places, including seriously wondering whether, after everything, the simple answer to my sexuality stuff was that I was just gay. How annoyed I would have been, after all those years, if it was that. Just a "Oh, FFS. I'm just gay! Why didn't I get that earlier? Why have I wasted all this time? What a fucking fool I am."

That.

Page 9

Repeat of core WicDivian imagery, turned to a different purpose. After these magificent godly reveals, we do this very normal world.

Yeah. This would have been a happy place to end the series.

Page 10

Laura wants to be better, of course. It's easy to say you want to do better.

A+ Cassandra-ing in the background there.

Page 11

Now, Minerva is dead in a few pages time, and she is a genuine monster, trapped in a system of her own making. But I didn't want to send her into the void thinking she had that horror awaiting her. I can't forgive her, but I can give her a little peace.

Title drop, of course, with a wonderful expression by Jamie. There's a lot here.

Okay, let's do this.

"Okay" is a phrase that's haunted WicDiv. We've come back to it multiple times – it's a fascinating word in the English language, and has caused problems for people translating it, in the mixture of ambivalence and optimism in it is really tricky. Clearly, we use everything inside the word.

It wasn't my Dad's last words, but it's the last exchange I remember with him. Everyone else was out, and I was helping him back to his seat. He says to me.

"Son, I know this is strange, but I can't help but think it's going to be okay."

And I can almost imagine my eyes bulging out of my head, as I wanted to howl at him: no, Dad. It really fucking isn't.

This comes up almost verbatim in the first arc, with the exchange between Laura and Lucifer before she breaks out. The series is about many things, but my Father's death was the core inspiration for it, and that "It's going to be okay" haunted me and it.

I don't think this is what my Dad meant, clearly, but it's how I've ended up metabolising it. I've been signing "It's going to be okay" when I sign Faust Acts, partially as it's the WicDiv phrase, partially as a secret-promise-that-they-won't-all-die-and-there-is-hope and partially because "When death comes, it's okay" is that buried in it. If I had to boil the book down to a sentence, it'd be it. It means different things depending how you look at it. That's all I've got.

Page 12

I talk about Solving The Equation of the third year, and Dio being in play for this section is absolutely part of it.

That first panel. I said that the cast were all people I'd have killed to be at various stages of my life. Umar is someone I try to be now. I don't succeed, but he's a worthy goal. Kind is not soft and all that.

While the silent panel is something you've all seen before, it's worth highlighting how good Jamie is. The favourite gesture of the scene is the eyes upwards of Cassandra – I don’t remember Jamie using this angle before, and it's really striking. I suddenly miss that I won't be working with Jamie again for a while. Have fun, Jamie. You were the best.

And now, this.

Page 13-14-15

"It would take a real monster to kill a kid" is one of those lines that have been sitting in the files since the beginning.

There was a fan artist in the WicDiv community early on who kept on doing these totally charming portraits of Baal and Minerva playing around in a big brother and little sister way. Every time I saw them, I felt both love for the art, and a sadness. "In four years time, you are going to have a terrible day."

That's one of the weirdest things of the last four years – that. Knowing that stuff is out there.

Looking at this at a little distance, I see the elements in – the standing on the edge, the "Please Don't" and all that. I sigh. This is awful and upsetting and that page turn is one of the hardest in the series. I wish Valentine would forgive himself, but he couldn't.

This is the sort of thing I want to write a lot about, and want to write nothing. I think I'll keep it as just the facts, in terms of trying to plot this.

Occasionally you get to a knot – I knew Valentine had to kill Minerva, that Valentine couldn't bear to live after that was done and that Minerva had to die after Baal gave up his powers. How to you put those three together, without introducing something else.

C asked "Where does it happen? Could it happen somewhere high?" and the rest was there. Falling being the repeating WicDiv image as well.

I think I pictures this actually side on, without the drop. Jamie's choice is better, just because of the eyes.

The three panels is something we're returned too, but choosing the distance was key. You know it's there, but I didn't want to revel in the dead bodies. This is a different kind of death to many of the ones in the book, and has to be treated as such. Any more blood than shows they're dead would be obscene.

I sigh again. I note that Matt does the lights on the guns perfectly, but I want to highlight craft. The shot of eveyrone waiting is a huge thing – Inanna's grief, Dio stepping in, and the crossed arms of Cassandra...

16

I think it was when I was plotting the second year at WicDiv that I realised that I couldn't see a way out of this which didn't involve the majority of the cast ending up in jail for a while. I was okay with that, as it made some sense. It's thematically resonant for a few ways – it's a choice which shows their acceptance of their acts, and their actual humanity as well as an understanding of their power, and lots more.

However, due to all the straight, white characters being dead, it does mean that a all-queer all-PoC-minus-Lucifer cast going to jail, in the current jail system. That said, while far from perfect, the UK is not the US. I don't think I could have written this ending in the US. Even in the UK, I safety-proof it conceptually as much as I can.

They are all queer, and almost all PoC... but they are also superhumans (and mostly rich.) They have a degree of power, and options which are not open to other people... and it is their one chance to try and navigate this space with no-one else (either them or other humans) getting killed. It's their last chance to act in good faith to the rest of the species.

I wouldn't trust the system if they were people without their resources. They're not. And this is the least-worst choice I can see.

I'm sure some of you will disagree with me on that.

17

More safety-proofing – Voluntuaryism is an anarchist idea. "The only true order is voluntary order" basically.

18-19-20

This is a lot of space for a sequence which is relatively minor dramatic weight, but as we segue towards the end, we want it to breathe a little. Plus there's the matter of the page turns – the previous interstitial was about pushing that as well, so both the "surrender" and Laura's final headshot are on a turn.

Matt's lighting in this sequence is wonderful – I said to Jamie that I was thinking of almost suggesting we're changing genre before Laura steps in. It's a "The special forces go after Batman" sort of sequence. I was thinking of the one from Batman: Year Zero, which is some top class special forces entering darkened environments.

Another moment of the weird-colouring-in-a-balloon, and the actually living in the moment.

Taking the guns is more safety-proofing, showing they are not acting in blind faith of the system. That Laura can take the guns also shows that Laura likely could walk out of prison any time she wants, and the rest will be able to do the same too.

(Not that the people in power know they don't presently have access to their big ones, of course.)

We originally has Cass shouting that final line, but had it much more matter of fact. This is kind of past shouting.

21-22

Yeah, this is calling back all manner of stuff. Back to the courtroom.

Jamie asked me a lot about the final expression, as is only right. This is a story where we've used head shots a lot, normally with pose. This is something else.

23

Worth noting that Laura couldn't be sentenced to life imprisonment. She's 18 so would be sentenced for "custody for life". Not that the story actually says what she's been sentenced to that either – we cut before the sentence is given. Don’t expect a firm answer to that in next issue either.

But they all have been sentenced to life, in the obvious metaphorical way. Laura has been depressed and self-destructive to the point of a death wish throughout. At the end, she's decided to try to live.

I count that as bitter sweet, and I count that as a win. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of them all.

I'm in tears now.

24-28

And we were when compiling the letters page. Thanks you lot.

29

Jamie and I both had really intense feelings about the final cover. It's clear why we've kept it secret (it gives away Laura survives) but to see this young woman we've been writing about older was incredibly moving.

Laura was 20 years younger than me at the start of WicDiv, and she's 20 years older than me at the end. Feeling suspended between the two poles, identically. The duality of it, one more time.

I love this cover so much, and I loved these characters, this book, you lot.

Thanks for reading.

[densi-mber]

The Spawn

A/N: Because they’re gonna make BABIES!!

XXXX

Kensi makes her way over to the couch, sitting with her back against the arm, placing her feet in his lap. Enjoying the soft light coming from the tree and the crackling fire, she pick up her phone and scrolls through her Instagram feed. “Really, babe? Really?”

“What?”

She smiles at the picture but rolls her eyes at the caption. It’s a selfie of him and their four day old son, lounging on the couch with the Christmas tree in the background with the caption “I spawned.” written underneath. “What? That’s how you announce the birth of our son?”

“Um, yeah. Well it’s the truth….” He picks up his phone, ready to look at the clever post again when he gets a notification, quickly opening it up he winces. “Okay, yeah, I need to change mine.”

He scrolls through the multiple photos she posted. Admiring each one for the beauty that it is. Jacob Andrew Deeks. 6 lbs. 14 oz and 22 inches long. December 8, 2020. Our hearts are full. 

The first photo is of the littlest Deeks wrapped in a blanket, followed by one of him laying on his daddy’s surfboard wearing a Santa hat. The last one making his eyes glisten with unshed tears. It’s a selfie that was taken unbeknownst to him of the three of them laying in their bed, snuggled up with their boy in between them, both father and son knocked out cold. 

He stares at the last photo for the longest time. Mesmerized by the surreal feeling of finally having everything he’s ever wanted. Kensi and their baby.

She watches as her husband begins to wipe at his cheek. In all the years she’s known him, she’s never seen him cry as much as she has in the past four days. Taking her eyes off him, she takes a peek at the swing next to the tree. Said swing being occupied by none other than her son, Jake. She didn’t know she could love something so much. 

Jake makes a little huff noise and it’s enough for Deeks to turn his complete attention to his son. Quickly getting up off the couch, he makes his way over to the swing, checking on their boy. 

Her heart can’t take much more of this. Is it possible to die of happiness, because she’s almost there. She looks on while he rearranges his blanket and makes sure everything’s okay, the softness in his voice as he talks to their son sends her into tears. 

“Are you okay, buddy?” He nods his head, as the little boy sighs. “Yeah, just like your mama. Wanting all my attention on you.” Deeks looks over at his wife, sending her a wink.

Grabbing her phone when he turns his attention back to the four day old, she finds what she’s looking for, types out the message and waits for him to join her back on the couch. 

Hearing the notification from his phone, he checks his son one last time and makes his way back to the couch. 

Once he’s settled, he clicks the notification, sending him back to her profile. 

Seeing you with him brings peace to my soul. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Marty Deeks, and I can’t wait to watch you become the best thing that’s ever happened to our little man. My heart……my everything. My boys. My boys. 

The caption paired with a photo of Deeks cradling his mini me in his arms, both staring up at their Christmas tree in amazement. 

He looks over at her, his love, his wife, the woman of his dreams and the mother of his child. Reaching his hand out, he takes hold of her wrist and pulls her towards him. She doesn’t resist and falls into his embrace. Sliding under his arm, she snuggles into his side, wrapping her arm around his waist.

“I love you, baby. I love you so much.” He kisses the top of her head and then rest his head on hers. 

The sigh of contentment she lets out is just that. She’s never felt this at peace before. Sitting here snuggled up to her husband as they watch their boy sleep, giving off little snort snores. “I love you more.”

About a half an hour later he’s left with a double dose of snort snores as his wife succumbs to sleep. He shakes his head in awe at what his Christmases and everyday life have become. Wrapped up with his love, staring at what their love made, he takes his phone, sending off a quick message before he places his head back on hers and closes his eyes, succumbing to sleep himself.

She doesn’t hear her phone go off, notifying her of a message, but she’ll see it in the morning. 

You’re my world and now you’re his too. He’s gonna look at you and know that he’s loved and always will be. Your strength and beauty make me fall more and more in love with you everyday. You are my home. Your smile. Your laugh. Everything. You are my EVERYTHING. 

The photo on his home screen of his wife and baby boy cuddled up on the couch, sleeping, now made public to the world….or at least their friends and family. 

[casually-inlove]

I think he tian as the worst childhood too like maybe is father is the cause of is mother dead is bro already killed people in front of him when he was little he think is dog is dead bc of is bro now he sleep with light on and is very depressed and lonely and is family is in the mafia business he know in the future he gotta do pretty much what is bro doing but I think he gonna take another path has is bro but well see anyways that make me feel like cryy 😭😢

I think you may be onto something, dear anon. I wouldn’t personally go as far as to say that He Tian had the worst childhood, after all, MGS is also a contender for this one; it’s just that their childhoods represent different kinds of shitty-ness. Warning, there’s a ton of text below.

It’s possible that HT’s family business (whatever it is, mafia or not) was the reason why his mother is supposedly dead. There’s a panel depicting one of HT’s nightmares, where he sees himself on a burning yacht. I do believe that his mother might have died there.

It’s also possible that young HT blamed his parent for her death. Such trauma is not easily processed by young children, and various bitter feelings towards his father might stem from it. Now, I’m sure that He Tian’s father isn’t a psycho or a monster, but he probably is an authoritarian figure. The kind that is obsessed with the idea of dynasty. It’s possible that he’s been trying to mould his sons into his likeness, i.e. make them follow in his footsteps, become successors to his business (again, whatever it is). As far as I know, He Cheng has been shown to have mafia connections, but we don’t know yet about their father. With that said, it’s not implausible to suppose that He Tian might have been forced into doing things against his will. I think it was @barabounty who made a post that dealt with translating the captions for some official illustrations in OX artbook. There’s one picture of HT supposedly in his father’s house that is titled “Prisoner”.

And here’s the panel from the manhua, when HT agreed to see his father after He Cheng saved MGS from the angry mob. The interior looks similar, so I suppose it’s one of his father’s houses.

I think the title alone gives an accurate impression of what He Tian was forced to experience. On top of that, let’s look at He Tian’s fighting abilities. I’ve already touched upon that in another post, but his hand-to-hand fighting in so incredible, it almost screams “he was taught”. What kind of family makes their child into a fighting machine? That’s a rhetoric question.

That leads me to believe that since He Tian apparently experienced love through being forced to do something, it might be part of the reason why he used to be so forceful with Momo. He simply doesn’t know any different.

To this day, HT exhibits some signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. Those are his repeating nightmares where he’s literally tossing and screaming in cold sweat (he also shows similar symptoms when dreaming about the incident with that dog, so it’s safe to assume it had been an incredible blow for him). It is literary him experiencing drowning in the open sea (hence why he’s kinda afraid of the darkness). 

However, the symbolism of this scene goes beyond just a life-threatening situation. OX drew it in a very clever way. The yacht is burning, bloodied He Cheng is probably the only surviving member of his family and He Tian is literally refusing to leave. He’s screaming that he wants to stay (with his brother, with his family), but He Cheng symbolically abandons his brother by tossing him into the dark water, literally throwing him at the deep end. In He Tian’s mind, his brother left him alone.

It’s worth noting, that it’s nighttime and young He Tian is apparently wearing pajamas or sleeping clothes. Cue present day and He Tian is still sleeping fully clothed when he’s home alone (as opposed to Momo, who sleeps half-naked). It’s subtly hinting that He Tian doesn’t feel safe – that he expects shit to break out any moment, hence why he’s clothed and ready for the fight-or-flight instinct to kick in. Or maybe I’m looking into it way too much, haha.

The puppy episode is also very telling. I don’t know whether TVtropes ever pointed that out, but the moment when He Cheng tells He Tian that he buried the puppy really fits into the Broken Pedestal trope: He Tian’s faith and trust in his caring older brother are shattered. He felt betrayed. His secret he entrusted to his closest person was betrayed. This is apparently when the crack in their relationship began. The painful thing here is that He Tian apparently started to believe that he couldn’t trust anyone, even those close.

Which brings me to another point. He Tian suffers from profound loneliness. It’s different from the kind of lonely that MGS experienced. True, MGS had been bullied and ostracized, and he has grown that delinquent persona in order to show others that he doesn’t fucking need them, yet he still managed to connect with others, like his gang. He also had a safe harbour at home, with his loving mother.

He Tian had none of it. People don’t see past his money or cool persona, and he’s nearly always surrounded by sycophants that applaud him whatever he does or says. He doesn’t have a safe harbour home: his relationship with his brother and father is broken, and he apparently suffered a lot of emotional neglect and deprivation in his childhood. Hell, his flat doesn’t even have a touch of anything personal, like personal possessions (excluding basketball stuff and a couple of magazines). It’s like he’s refusing to grow attachments (until MGS comes along, and maybe Jian Yi to an extent). It’s also clear why: he’s afraid that it’ll be taken away from him again. Bottom line, HT is deeply alone, and the sad thing is that this loneliness is very much ingrained in him. OX really underscores it by showing He Tian’s apartment: his figure is tiny against its vast space. And really, his smoking habit? A detrimental crutch.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if in the future chapters OX will show that HT has self-esteem issues. He seems to be living with a burn of failure. He failed to protect something he loved (puppy, mother), hence why he’s trying so hard with Mo. He was ready to protect him to his last drop of blood, even when it was a pretty much suicidal move against the angry mob.

All in all, it’s a sad story, true. I won’t be saying his childhood is worse than the one MGS had; it’s really impossible to compare such things. Comparing them is like comparing apples and oranges: they are simply different. Both bullying/abuse and emotional neglect/abuse have detrimental consequences on psychological and physical levels. Each is horrible in its own way, and both lead to lasting trauma, damaging both sense of self and the ability to form relationships with others.

As for HT working in the family business, yes, it is a possibility. But as I said earlier, I don’t believe his father is as much of a monster as He Tian imagines. True, he may not be a good father, but I’m sure there are things and reasons that He Tian isn’t aware of yet. Or rather, I should put it as the road to hell is paved with good intentions. He Tian’s father undoubtedly wished the best for his son, but his methods clearly were questionable, as was the environment He Tian grew up in. I strongly believe that at some point he shall mend his relationship with He Cheng and his father. At least, there won’t be any animosity.

I’m also sure that He Tian will get better. Of course, it will take A LOT of time and patience, but I’m positive that HT and MGS can heal each other’s wounds and give one another what they had been deprived of.

[thelanguageoflovers]

On the Steps of the Palace

@officialheroesofolympus @tj-goodman I hope you like it!

***

Cyrus looked at himself in the mirror warily, fixing his hair and putting on the masquerade mask Andi had given him the day before. He adjusted his navy blue suit carefully, turning to face his best friends.

“Good enough?”

“You look perfect!” Andi assured him.

“I still don’t understand why you’re forcing me to sneak out to the Kippens’ Halloween Masquerade Ball,” Cyrus huffed.

“It’s not even sneaking out! Your parents won’t be home until midnight,” Buffy protested.

“And you know this ball only happens once a year, and the Kippens always throw the coolest masquerades,” Andi added.

“Not to mention your crush on their son,” Buffy teased.

“I do not have a crush on Rich Boy Theodore Kippen. “

“You’re rich,” Buffy said.

“Just- Go get changed, let’s get this over with.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Andi said, picking up both of their garment bags and masks. They both rushed into the bathrooms, reemerging a few minutes later. They both wore masks and heels, Buffy in a maroon suit and Andi in a gown. “Buffy, can you lace me up?” she asked, gesturing to her corset.

Buffy stepped behind her, lacing her into the pale yellow gown. Andi’s breath was knocked out of her lungs, but she ignored it. “Thanks.”

“Sure, you okay?” Andi gave a weak thumbs up, gesturing to the door.

“Shall we?” The trio linked arms, only to immediately regret their decision as they attempted to descend the stairs in sync. Buffy and Cyrus were forced to catch Andi before they all tumbled down the staircase.

“Mistake,” Cyrus said.

“Yep,” Andi agreed.

“Big one.”

***

They stepped into the Kippens’ mansion, looking around in wonder at the decorated ballroom. The room was full of swirling bodies and spilling drinks, everyone donning extravagant gowns and intricate masks. At the far end of the room, flanked by his sisters, stood Theodore Kippen. All three of them were sipping something from champagne flutes. The triplets were the only people in the room who were blatantly recognizable, a feature that was likely by design. They all wore dark purple outfits accompanied by white and gold masks.

Cyrus felt the air pulled away from his lungs as he laid his eyes on them, noticing Andi and Buffy’s matching reactions.

“You know, being that they’re triplets, it’s a miracle that they all have different eye colors,” Buffy mumbled. “Blue, brown, and green. What kind of ridiculous genes are those?”

“The fraternal triplet kind,” Cyrus responded, grabbing a flute of champagne and sipping at it.

“Cyrus!” Andi exclaimed, trying to take the glass away from him.

“You force me to be here, you deal with the fact that I need a drink,” Cyrus said. “Plus, it’s Friday night. It’s not like I’ll be hungover in French tomorrow.”

“I’m with Cyrus,” Buffy said, picking up a glass and clinking it against his. She handed Andi a bottle of soda, all three of them downing their drinks quickly.

“Should we dance?” Cyrus asked.

“I don’t even know what type of waltz that is!” Andi protested.

“Viennese.” He took her hand, mumbling a ‘follow my lead’ and blowing an exaggerated kiss to Buffy. They started to spin around the floor, following the tempo of the music. “See? You’re doing fine!”

“Yeah, because you’re dragging me around,” Andi joked.

“Well, sorry to abandon you, but-” Cyrus spun her into a new partner, pulling Buffy onto the floor to dance with her. “Hi.”

“I hate you,” Buffy grumbled as they danced.

“No, you don’t.”

“I really do,” she insisted, looking over Cyrus’s shoulders to where the Kippens had joined the floor.

“And you say I have a crush,” he teased. “You’ve liked Lucy since 8th grade.”

“Oh, hush.” Cyrus simply grinned, steering them toward the triplets. They wound through miles of fabric before he ultimately passed Buffy off to Lucy. Unfortunately, this clever play resulted in Theodore taking his hands and guiding him around the floor.

“Hey. I’m TJ.”

“I know, this is your masquerade.”

“I like the suit,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus closer with the arm wrapped around his waist.

“Thanks,” Cyrus mumbled. He blushed at the feeling of TJ’s arm wrapped tightly around him, looking up to meet his eyes. “Yours is nice too.”

“Thank you.” The music swelled as people switched partners again, but TJ kept Cyrus held close to him. “Do you go to Grant? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.”

“Yeah, but I’m a year younger than you, I think. We don’t have any classes together.”

“Ah, figures. I’d remember if we did,” TJ flirted.

“Oh?”

“Definitely.”

“You don’t even know me.” Cyrus smiled up at him.

“I know, it’s a shame,” TJ said, frown on his face. Cyrus rolled his eyes, playfully swatting him. They could feel a hundred pairs of eyes on them as they danced, or rather vaguely moved along to the music. “Um, you wanna go somewhere a little more private?”

“Yes please.” TJ lead him off the floor, slipping out of the room and around a few corners. They ended up in what Cyrus assumed was TJ’s bedroom. TJ immediately took off his mask, setting it on the desk.

“Are you gonna leave the mask on?” he asked, turning to Cyrus.

“My best friend spent seven hours making this, I’m going to make it worth her time,” Cyrus said, sitting down on TJ’s bed and looking around.

“Fair enough,” TJ chuckled. “Lucy made all three of our masks. But we wear them every year, so I figure it’s okay.”

“How long has your family been throwing these things?”

“For as long as I can remember, I guess,” TJ said. He shrugged off his suit jacket and sat down next to Cyrus. “You’ve never come before.”

“How do you know that? Hundreds of people are in that ballroom every year.”

“I would have noticed you if you had,” TJ reasoned.

“Is that so? Amongst approximately a thousand people in taffeta gowns and corsets, you would have noticed me? In a suit? And a mask?”

“...Yes?”

“You don’t even know who I am.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t recognize you,” TJ rebutted. Cyrus smiled softly, letting TJ pull him in for a kiss.

“There you are!” The pair jumped apart at the door opening. Andi and Buffy rushed inside, tugging Cyrus out of the room. “It’s almost midnight!”

“What?!” Cyrus exclaimed.

“I never got your name!” TJ called, running after them down the hall.

“That’s because I didn’t give it to you!” Cyrus tripped over his feet as he sprinted down the steps away from the mansion, one of his dress shoes sliding off as he ran. Andi and Buffy were both running barefoot, heels in hand. “My shoe!”

“Leave it!” Buffy exclaimed, getting to the car and handing Andi the keys. They all got in, not bothering to stop to buckle their seatbelt before speeding away. They dropped Cyrus off in front of his house with a quick ‘love you’.

Cyrus ran up the stairs to his room, hiding the suit, mask, and remaining shoe in his closet and changing into pajamas. He flicked off the lights, crawling into bed just in time as the door opened slightly, his mom looking through. Deeming him to be asleep, she closed the door again, footsteps padding away down the hall.

Cyrus sighed in relief as they disappeared completely, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening Instagram. TJ had posted a photo to his story of Cyrus’s shoe, captioned ‘hey Cinderella, you forgot this’. Cyrus rolled his eyes, opening his messages and typing in TJ’s username.

@cyrus_goodenoughman: hey prince charming, i think you have something of mine

[skookworks]

Gallery – Half Hour Sketches 31 to 60

From last year, the second set of thirty daily/half hour sketches. Do you have any favorites?

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Story Seed #45 A Bad Seed Blooms

Karren was always a difficult child. Demanding, clingy, prone to throwing tantrums when she didn’t get her way. Dealing with her on a daily basis was enough to convince her parents that they didn’t want to have another child. Yes she was often charming. Yes she was usually very entertaining and she could seem very loving but, damn, she was awfully narcissistic.

When Karren was eight, her mother became pregnant (their contraception method failed) and her parents decided that they’d keep the baby. Karren would adapt, she’d have to. Right? And for a while it seemed like Karren would. She was delighted by the idea of having a sibling. She had fun playing nursemaid and helper to her mother and she revelled in the appreciation that her parents showed her for her new attitude.

The baby came, a little sister. Karren played doting big sister, giving cuddles, helping with bottles and rocking her to sleep. But, her parents had less attention for her and got crankier form lack of sleep, the old Karren resurfaced. She was jealous of the baby, angry that it just wouldn’t behave. Her play became meaner and rougher. One morning her mother caught her holding a pillow over the baby’s face. She wasn’t trying to kill the baby, she was just trying to make it stop crying, she didn’t know what she was doing, did she?

Her parents made arrangements to send Karren to a boarding school. Until she could depart her parents never left her alone with the baby and they locked her room at night.

Two days before Karren was to depart her mother took her and the baby to run errands. Karren had been behaving. She seemed contrite. Maybe safe? As they returned to the house their car was blocked in by a pair of black SUVs and armed men pulled them from the vehicle.

Karren’s parents were comfortably upper middle class. Karren’s grandfather, her father’s father, was rich and had made a lot of enemies getting that way. The kidnappers were in the employ of a Russian gangster that Grandfather had doublecrossed.

Karren, her mother and her little sister are taken to a remote location. Karen’s mother is forced to record a ransom plea. Karren pouts, Karren yells, Karren is not a cooperative hostage. The kidnappers beat her, tie her up, cut off one of her little fingers and send it with the ransom demand.

Karren’s father is in shock and desperate. Grandfather is disappointed. His son was always a weak thing. Grandfather harrumphs and takes charge. He has his security chief put together a team to rescue the kidnapped mother and her girls. But Grandfather didn’t get rich by giving a shit about anyone but himself. The team is to rescue the family if it’s convenient but it’s more important to him that they kill as many of the Russians as they can. The “girls” are expendable.

And Karren? Karren is very, very mad. Her parents could be boring. Her parents could be strict. Her parents often spoiled her fun. But they’d never hit her. They’d never hurt her. And now these smelly men have dared to hurt HER and threaten HER mother and HER little sister?

Karren is clever. Karren will get out of her bounds. Karren will make them all very, very sorry.

Recommendation

I am behind on my newsletters. I have a virtual stack of them waiting to be read and, at the moment, I can’t remember which ones I’ve already recommended. So this week I’m recommending a youtube channel: Cartoonist Kayfabe. Jim Rugg and Ed Piskor are veteran comics creators and they regular post a lot of videos about comics. I’ll let them introduce themselves –

Local News

I don’t have heroes. When I was a kid I kept discovering that the folks my history classes promoted as role models were often pretty horrible people. Even the ones the weren’t horrible were usually … human. That is, they weren’t necessarily nice, they weren’t always faithful and they often did things that were sloppy and stupid. As a kid, I was looking for perfect heroes to model myself after and real humans just kept failing provide me with the examples I wanted.

As I grew up I came to admire the people who stood up, who took action to make the world a better place, regardless of whether they were also shitty spouses, terrible parents or lousy friend. Rather, I’ve learned to admire the noble actions they took and accept that the rest of their lives and behaviors were probably pretty messy.

I’ve been following and reading Warren Ellis‘s work since I encountered his columns at 9th Art back in the 90s. I posted some art in the Remake/Remodel challenges in the FreakAngels forums. I found a lot of interesting newsletters (and was inspired to do this one) because he recommended them.  I don’t get many regular comics these days but I did pay attention to what he had coming out next. I mostly heard about that when I read his latest newsletter. I only heard about the controversy when he posted his last one. This essay gives the pertinent details with links to more info.

Of all the bad actors who have come in to light in the last few years, Ellis is the first one whose work really matters to me. After a few days passage I’m still … I don’t know. I believe the women. You don’t get 30 or more artists to agree on something unless there is truth there. And they’ve got the emails. (And being a whistleblower is never about money unless you’re already rich and famous. Being a poor whistleblower means you, at best, become a famous and poor whistleblower. Anyone who thinks that someone calls out injustice for fame and glory and wealth is someone who doesn’t actually care about injustice.)

I admire his work. I’m sorry he’s behaved poorly and kind of relieved that he didn’t behave worse. I sympathize more with the women who had to put up with his shit than with him for what’s happening now. What struck me, in his statement, was this –

“I have never considered myself famous or powerful, to the point where I’ve made a lot of bad jokes about it for twenty-odd years.”

  It’s a reminder to me that our perceptions of ourselves are often off the mark. You might think that someone in Ellis’ position, who has had the accomplishments and influence that he’s had, would have a better perception of his place in the world. But most of us don’t. Most of us hear our internal dialogues, our fears and our doubts, much louder than the feedback we get from the outside. We rarely perceive ourselves accurately. 

It’s a reminder that I/we have much more power in the world than I/we think I/we do. It’s a reminder to be more aware, to think before speaking and acting. It’s a reminder to talk more about perceptions and expectations even when doing that seems like it’s going to kill the flow of an interaction. I may think things are hunky dory but the person I’m with might just be being polite. 

I don’t think I’m currently in a position of power. In previous jobs I have been a supervisor and an assistant manager and a manager. As I moved up in responsibility I became conscious of having a responsibility to model “professional” behavior. Getting wasted and flirting with one’s coworkers isn’t a good look for the boss. Now I’m just one mail carrier in a station of about a hundred other carriers. I go to work. I don’t really socialize. I just want to put the hours in so I can get paid and go home and draw. Do I have power? Of course I do. I’m an older white guy who, to the new hires at least, probably seems like I’ve been around forever. Postal carriers have a union. Carriers advance by seniority. There’s a culture of not ratting on your fellow carrier when they misbehave. So I maybe could fuck with the new hires and get away with it. I’m pretty sure that veteran carriers already do that.

I have gotten tired. I have withdrawn. But I’m not dead. It’s time to pay a little more attention at work and in the world. I am not a hero. But I do have power and I can take a few noble actions now and then.

Tuesday Night Party Club #25 Gallery - Half Hour Sketches 31 to 60 From last year, the second set of thirty daily/half hour sketches.

[asherlockstudy]

Braime S8E4

I am gonna tell myself to fuck off with my obsession with this particular part of the plot right after this but you know

maybe we just saw the heartbreaking fulfillment of Azor Ahai’s prophecy

this is the first caption from their love scene

Oathkeeper and its lion in front of the fire. Oathkeeper is the symbol of Jaime’s love for Brienne and of the man he aspires to be

The last criterion for the fulfillment of the prophecy is that AA sacrifices his loving wife Nissa Nissa, asking her to bare her breasts which Nissa Nissa does eagerly

Nissa Nissa's cry of anguish and ecstasy left a crack across the face of the moon.

So there’s both anguish and ecstasy. No death would ever be more torturous for Brienne than the ultimate betrayal from the only man she truly loved and eventually trusted in. Jaime took everything from her (anguish) right after he gave her everything (ecstasy). 

I wholeheartedly say that I would prefer Brienne to die 10 honourable deaths than what she goes through here because this is what Brienne always feared.  This is worse than death for her. 

"Killing” Nissa Nissa though was the ultimate sacrifice for Azor Ahai himself, which leaves me with the hope that Jaime intends to kill Cersei. Jaime has said almost the exact same words about what he can do for Cersei to Edmure Tully. He managed to fill him with fright for his baby son’s life and consequently took the castle without even a soldier’s nosebleed. Hopefully, he thinks Brienne must hate him in order to ensure she stays safe at Winterfell but he completely misjudges that what he did was as bad for her as if he just had driven his sword in her heart instead. 

The only problem is that the Oathkeeper is still with Brienne and I doubt the stupid Widow’s Wail is Lightbringer. But [spoiler] I saw some info that Brienne as well as Sansa, Arya and Bran will head south soon because the actors filmed in Croatia. Brienne might intend to take revenge or maybe clever Sansa will advice her to calm down and rethink if Jaime’s words and actions make sense. Revenge could be possible as it might be a twist in GRRM’s plot where Lady Stoneheart commands Brienne to kill Jaime and that’s the last we know about her. 

I’m still worried about how Jaime will acquire Oathkeeper when Brienne arrives at King’s Landing. Jaime doesn’t need Oathkeeper for Cersei because we assume he will strangle her, according to the Valonqar prophecy. Maybe Jaime’s role is bigger than just taking Cersei out of the way (Bran?) and this is where he will need the sword.  However, it would be too much if Brienne ALSO dies after her faith in Jaime is restored just for him to take the sword because she’s done her part, she’s tortured enough. Hopefully he will just lose his own and ask for it or she will give it back to him when she meets him again, meaning everything between them is over. Another problem is that if Jaime kills Cersei and then becomes AA viewers might have problem realizing that his actual sacrifice was breaking Brienne’s heart and not killing Cersei. Another problem is that for any of this to make sense Brienne and the Starks will have to take a fucking airplane in order to arrive at King’s Landing and find Jaime in time. 

There are many ways things can go wrong and the reason is, well, the terrible writing. Even if the major things that happen are interesting, honestly Missandei’s and Rhaegal’s death, Daenerys’ increasing paranoia (I start understanding her), the change of most characters’ allegiances, everything that happens between Brienne and Jaime, Bronn etc etc would all be great stuff if only they were properly shown in a 10 episode long season or even more. Right now characters just jump to new places with completely changed behaviours and beliefs and it’s just maddening. I don’t get why they tried to squeeze everything in 6 episodes like someone is chasing them with a gun. Especially if we have more to see from Bran, then, I bid my farewells to the show’s ambitions.

This is irrelevant but as a Braime shipper... was I the only one who was somewhat put off by their scene? The directing in this episode was really atrocious and the actors felt like they didn’t have the right guidance. The writing was just as bad. Jaime and Brienne’s first time didn’t happen under good and in character circumstances. Jaime wouldn’t drown her to alcohol and grasp the opportunity after his brother shouted in the room she’s a virgin. He wouldn’t be that much of a disaster either and Brienne wouldn’t be like “oh the heck with it”. Or maybe he would be a disaster but in a charming way not a comedic one. I was also surprised at a certain lack of chemistry there before the kiss between them since they have proven their insane chemistry many times before. Maybe this was a challenge for Gwen as a relatively new actress (although she nails it previously despite the horrendous writing) (but Nik was off too) or them being friends IRL was making this too awkard for them (like Rupert Grint and Emma Watson in Harry Potter) or maybe the director really left them hanging because the scene was cut abruptly, the angles were freaking weird (did anyone feel Nik was closer to the cam than Gwen? and probably on a box or something? he looked shorter but huge). I think the directing and writing of the scene made the actors uncomfortable and we lost a scene that could have easily been one of the very best of the show. In their defense, there are many as awkward or just plain dumb scenes in this episode including teleporting from one place to the next only to be attacked by a freaking navy in seconds, a navy everyone missed in the perfect daylight. 

There was only one true to herself character with a nice development: Arya. I am sure Gendrya shippers are heartbroken but I honestly feel it was something positive because it shows Arya remained who she was, no man or one night stand could change her. She was never one for romance. Been there, done that but her priorities were always different. She finally chooses to become again the companion of the person she secretly bonded the most with and it is not sexual or romantic. It’s mentor and student, father and daughter-like or something more unconventional than that but as strong and meaningful. Hats off to that. 

No wonder Gwen and Emilia were dropping hints there were many shitty decisions taken by the writers. I will fucking have to read the books. In the meantime, I hope Jaime proves he never meant to leave Brienne for Cersei otherwise we are talking about the most despicable and idiotic character I’ve ever had the misfortune to feel and root for. Until he proves that, this is the last piece I write for GOT, I’m not wasting more time to a potential dumbass and those who thought he was a good idea.  

[aftaabmagazine]

A Wish for a Lamp

By Noor Mohammad Saheem Translated from Pashto

[caption: This is a film still from the 1983 Afghan film Moments لحظه ها directed by Wahed Nazari. A group of bandits portrays the anti-government forces.]

It was early dawn when Zargul took a rope and headed towards Tira Ghondai with his three sheep. The weather was pleasant. The moon and stars shined in the sky. The trees in the slopes and the wet ground produced an unusual musk, awakening sleepy souls. It got folks to want to work.

Yesterday Zargul decided to head to Markhana earlier so that he could graze his sheep better and collect mushrooms, vegetables, wild spinach, and firewood. Above all, it would be a change of atmosphere. For forty years, he had wandered in this area and knew it well. Markhana was famous for its beauty in the spring. He had hardly left home when he remembered about poor Lalgul's death. Slowing down his steps, he became worried.

He told himself, "God forbid. It isn't a good idea walking in these empty hills because of the wolves. It wouldn't be good if I were torn into pieces by them like Lalgul."

He looked up at the stars, stopped and said to himself, "Zargul, you better take your gun. That is the occasion to use a gun. Otherwise, what is the purpose of a gun? Today is the day. My late father told the story when my grandfather killed three wolves with one shot with that gun. It is a different gun. It won't miss a single target. It is an old one. Whenever there is the talk of a good gun, they always mention my name. But it is a great pity that its bullets are not readily available."

Zargul thought some more, and suddenly, raised his right hand in the air and said, "Zargul! Are you walking ahead or talking to yourself, wasting your time? Whenever there is a head, there is a hat for it too. Damn it! I only have two bullets. Well, when I used them, I'll worry then."

He quickly guided his sheep to a green patch near the stream and hurried back home. As he got closer, he shouted to his wife, "Zaro's mother! Zaro's mother!"

From a smoky room, a voice responded, "What is it? Why did you come back?"

  "After the gun!" Zargul yelled.

She called back, "Is everything alright? How come you are thinking about the gun? For the last fifteen years, you never..."

"Keep quiet. I have left the sheep untended.  Hurry up, give me the round too. Didn't I tell you I was going far away?"

It was still dark when Zargul moved to the other side of Tiraghondai with his sheep. As the morning light increased, the sight of the daybreak made Zargul happy. But Lalgul's death bothered him, and his tragic story occupied his mind, including the wolves.

He talked to himself again. "For wolves, day or night, it makes no difference. When a wolf's belly is hungry and empty, whether, in the mountains or plains, it only thinks about the hunt to fill its stomach.  The wolf doesn't know anything expect its hungry stomach. They say in daylight, a pack of wolves killed Lalgul. His poor mother mourned, she too was going to die. Damn those evil things! It is.... it is a pig... it is a hideous looking animal. The wolf doesn't care for a mother's cry for her son. It doesn't care for anyone grieving. It only cares for its stomach. It is a shameless animal. You'd think its heart is of stone. It doesn't know pain. Damn, a merciless heart that doesn't hear a mother's cry. And the noble love of a mother is of no importance to them."

God knows what else Zargul would have said about Lalgul's mother and her sorrowful sighs when suddenly a strange voice made him stop, "Hey you, stop there!"

Zargul stopped. He squinted and looked around the hills, plains, rocks, and plants. He couldn't see anyone.  Bewildered, he remained still. He continued to scan around and thought he perhaps mistakenly heard something. He called his sheep. He then proceeded to walk. This time, he heard a voice again on his left side. He saw two dark human figures coming up from a cliff, "Hey you!"

Surprised, Zargul said to himself, "Who could that be?"

For the first time, he felt afraid and a little shaken. He started thinking about his future. He looked at his sheep in a manner as if a poor boy was staring at the toys of a rich man's son. His little daughter Zaro came to mind, crying for milk. He thought about the gun that may be lost. The gun was the only reminder of his grandfather. Zargul didn't know why he felt this way. He didn't know who they were, where they were going, or what they wanted. To comfort himself, he said, "No. No. I shouldn' worry. Maybe they are just hunters."

Then he doubted it. "Maybe they are..."

Zargul weighted the pros and cons of the situation. At that moment, two men with masked faces arrived with guns in their hands. Breathing heavily, they said, "Hey you! Where are you going?"

Full of doubt and suspicion, Zargul asked them, "Is everything all right? Where are you going?"

"We were waiting for you."

"For me?" Zargul responded.

"Yes, for you."

"Do you know me?" Zargul said.

"Why not? If we didn't know you, then why did we stop you?"

Zargul understood that he was facing another type of wolf. After a minute of silence, Zargul smiled sarcastically, "You are going for a hunt, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are hunting."

The second stranger said, "He is clever, isn't he?"

"Why have you masked your faces?" Zargul called back.

"Just to keep warm."

Zargul replied, "Well, the weather is very..."

One of them jumped towards Zargul, took his gun, and yelled at his partner, "Hurry up. We can't do anything now. The day is breaking. Hurry up."

A few minutes later, his grandfather's heirloom and the valuable source of milk disappeared. Only the range of the hills was visible with sounds of the birds echoing the morning air. Zargul was tied up with his rope.

He was quiet. What was he thinking about? His mind wondered. Then in a sad voice, he said, "By God! What kind of strange people they were! They were scared of light. I wish I had a lamp instead of a gun!"

Notes

This translated version was published in 1990 by Writers' Association of Afghanistan in the book Short Stories from Afghanistan and printed by State of Afghanistan Printing Press.

The light represents the knowledge that most Afghan intellects (roshan-fikraan روشنفکران) sought to transmit to the masses through their work. The dark shadowy figures, the bandits, represent the ignorant lot of the population because they lack the "light" of enlightenment. The 1983 Afghan film Moments (لحظه ها ) visualized this theme where a group of robbers portrays the anti-government forces who caused havoc on the population.

About Noor Mohammad Saheem

Noor Mohammad Saheem was born in Nahreen, Baghlan in 1952, grew up in his home province and graduated in 1975 from Kabul University. He has published works on Pashto literature including "The Matter of Innovation In Pashto Modern Poems" and "Realistic Ideas in Pashto Short Stories."

[tessatechaitea]

Team Titans #17

Team Titans is an anagram of Fuck Donald Trump.

The joke in the caption relies on regular readers knowing that I keep doing anagrams of the title except this time the anagram isn't an anagram at all! I know some people probably didn't even have to double check, especially the really observant ones who instinctively knew that "Team Titans" did not contain an "F". But the other point of that caption is to make readers who both enjoy Donald Trump and the stupid shit I write about comic books suddenly realize that they don't like what I write at all. In half a second, they'll realize how stupidly wrong they were about their opinions of this blog. In a half second after that, they'll admit that they've always thought I was a dumb asshole who has never written anything clever in his entire life. A few seconds after that, they'll probably be jerking off to another Hillary Clinton rant by Sean Hannity. We all have to face the consequences of our beliefs and actions. One of the consequences of supporting the modern GOP lampreys attached to the tits and ass fat of Donald Trump is that you don't get to enjoy myriad entertainments. Pretty much all you've got is Last Man Standing and reruns of Home Improvement. Of course, you could try to ignore what you've now learned because I probably won't mention it again for quite some time. But it's also possible I might pull at your victim status trigger again by the next paragraph! Speaking of triggers, the NRA can eat their own filthy asshole. Unless they like doing that! They seem like the kind of organization that would like doing that! And I don't mind kink-shaming people who love to eat their own filthy assholes because the Venn Diagram of people who can eat their own assholes and people who love to eat filthy assholes is nonexistent.

This whole nineties Teen Titans thing went off the rails a tiny bit when they introduced a rapist version of Nightwing with a nipple ring.

Is it weird that I have an unrepentant love for Lobo and a slightly repentant love for Deathstork but I feel like I'd be crossing a line having any kind of love for Deathwing? I get why people love Lobo because he's over the top and his space jeans craft a nice package in his nether area. Plus the chains! So penis stiffening! And Deathstork was cool enough to have gotten an underage girl he fucked killed without the entire comic book community feeling disgusted by him. I think his old age helped. Deathstork is like a beloved grandfather who tells such incredible stories from his youth that nobody minds that 23% of them are racist. But if somebody told me Deathwing was their favorite character, I'd be frightened. Although I guess they could mitigate that fright by explaining they like the Rebirth Deathwing and then I'd just be, "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were gay. Cool!" That probably came across as me using gay as a synonym for lame but it was meant to express my feelings that Rebirth Deathwing should be a gay icon, if he isn't already. Like the Babadook. In that picture above, Deathwing is coming out of a clockmaker's closet (so maybe he's a gay icon too?), probably to rape the clockmaker (Oh yeah! He's totally rapey, so probably not a gay icon!). Now I'm wondering why Superman doesn't stop more rapes? Or why he doesn't commit himself to stopping all rapes? He could end rape forever with his powers! I guess he just doesn't have the commitment to end rape. You know how fast rape would have been stopped if Bruce Wayne's parents had been raped in that alley? Considering how many murders still happen in Gotham City even though Batman has dedicated his life to stopping injustice, I'm guessing it wouldn't have been fast at all. Batman is a huge failure. Meanwhile back at the Long Ranch, Nightrider (as opposed to Deathrider, his rapey twin), recovers from being shot by the neighbor. Granted, the neighbor also tracked down the wounded vampire to rescue him. He didn't realize he was shooting a living, feeling creature. He just thought he was killing a stupid bat! I hope no bats read this blog! They might think I'm being insensitive to bats! And, I mean, I am! But I don't want them to know that! They might start sending me memes of their creepy little faces saying things like, "Bats have rights too!" and "Bats cry more than most human males!" and "Today is the worst day of the rest of your terrible life, motherfucker!" That last one would make a good motivational poster for the lunchroom at most offices.

Wait. Is "vampire" a derogatory term?!

I just watched a Kids React video on YouTube about whether or not "hell" was a curse word. Sydney took the opportunity to say as many near curse words as she thought she could get away with. I'm pretty sure if I were young or hip or with it (which I obviously am not as noted by my usage of "hip" and "with it"), I would now use the word stan somehow. Why is there a Kids React for "How to Cure a Hangover"? What the fuck is wrong with the Fine Brothers?! Here are some more great ideas for your dumb Internet show: "Kids React to Joe Pesci's Death Scene in Goodfellas" "Kids React to Satanic Rituals" "Kids React to Seeing Their Parents Murdered" "Kids React to Goat Testicles" "Kids React to Their First Blow Job" I should stop listing these because I could do it all day and also I think some of them would actually work. The "How to Cure a Hangover" video isn't actually a Kids React; it's an advice episode featuring all ages of reactors. The first question they must give advice for is "How do I get someone to kiss me on New Year's Eve?" According to a lot of the answers, nobody seemed to give much of a shit about consent in 2016. Although my stan Sydney is all, "Get your parents to kiss you!" Oh my God she owns the world. The next question Sydney answers is "How do I touch a rainbow?" She says to get the biggest ladder in the world so she might be kind of dumb. I mean, a ladder doesn't have to be that big to touch a rainbow! Although she is just a kid so I'll let her slide on this answer. I suppose it's more important that she gives a cute answer than a correct one. For "How do I cure a hangover?", Sydney says, "Why are you asking me this question?" After which, I'm assuming, she walked off camera and kicked both Fine Brothers in the balls at the same time. Okay, back to Team Titans! The neighbor tries to apologize by explaining that he wouldn't have tried to murder the bat if he'd known it wasn't a disgusting bat. Terry Long, the worst character in a comic book full of terrible characters (and I'm including Deathwing here!), blames the victim and Terra's angst meter tops out. She goes into a blind Tumblr rage without any regard to the neighbor's apology, explaining how Nightrider was only acting on his true nature. The row disturbs Donna's baby which becomes the worst issue of the night.

"Whith"? I've never noticed Donna's weird accent before this issue! I also love how she thrusts her baby at the others to show that they've upset it.

While the majority of the team take Nightrider to STAR Labs for treatment (can't they just let him suck the baby a little bit?), Mirage and Terra stay behind to protect Terry and the baby. Well, Terra stays behind to protect them. Mirage still suffers from the trauma of being raped while none of the others seem to give a shit. She's decided to run away and have her baby somewhere else. Hopefully she won't have the baby in the town where Deathwing grew up because you know what that would mean, right?! Ugh, I can't even type it! Mirage was raped by her own time traveling son! Okay, it wasn't that hard to type after all.

Out in the yard, four elementals are approaching to kill Terra: an elemental of glaciers, an elemental of shit, an elemental of men's farts, and an elemental of lady's farts.

Over at STAR Labs, Doctor Velcro determines Nightrider's life can't be saved because he's already dead. He's a vampire! And Doctor Velcro knows because he's a not just a vampire specialist but a vampire himself! He's one of the Creature Commandos! His prescription to keep Nightrider alive is human blood. At this declaration, the rest of the Team Titans begin acting like Nightrider is a goner. So their first thought is that he's going to die if he doesn't drink human blood? Not one of them is all, "Drink from my veins, buddy! As much as you need! Well, maybe not too much! You know, just a taste! But there are like eight of us, so you can probably get your fill by sampling us all!" Fucking jerks.

The 90s had some pretty fucking nihilistic AIDS public service adverts.

As Terra protects New York as a Team Titan by defending herself against elementals that want to kill her, the rest of the Team Titans defend New York by battling a bunch of electric beings in thongs that want to kidnap Killowat. I laugh in your face, Councilwoman Alderman! Look at all the good these Titans are doing for the city! The energy beings easily kidnap Killowat because he only had the majority of the Team Titans and Battalion defending him. Terra, all alone, just barely manages not to die in her battle right before a newly human Prester Jon (back from the Terminus Agenda!) manages to save her.

This might be my favorite panel from 1994. In case you couldn't tell by his idiotic hands or his stupid baby, that's Terry Long under the clock.

The person who kidnapped Killowat turns out to be the clockmaker's old beau, the one that taught her to work on futuristic Titans' communicators. He was a member of the Team Titans named Lazarium but he seems to have been a spy working for Lord Chaos. The leader of the Team Titans (identity still unknown!) sent him and his team back in time to die. But he survived and now he owns a good chunk of the media world. His name might as well be Rupert Murdoch because he has a media empire that's trying to turn the world against heroes and he has his own sexual harassment problems in his organization, seeing as how Deathwing works for him. Team Titans #17 Rating: It took seventeen issues but I'm finally interested in this comic book! The Lazarium story arc has momentum and ties in to the overall history of the team, hopefully finally separating them from the Titans book for a bit. I know it still relies on garbage time travel theories but it also threatens to expose Killowat as a huge racist piece of shit! That should be exciting! It's also slightly heavy on implied rape which I didn't mean to add as one of the reasons I'm enjoying the book but just as a simple fact to say, "Look. This was a comic book from 1994! Rape was an important plot point to raise tension and pull on the emotional heartstrings of an audience that didn't quite understand how writers were just using rape as a lazy way of creating drama and emotional tenstion!" What I'm trying to say is: B+! Good work, everybody!

[kahran042]

Encyclopedia Brown thoughts: book 10

Encyclopedia Brown Takes the Case

The Case of the Talking House:

Scoop is five years old and illiterate? That's pretty pathetic. But then, I might be biased because I taught myself to read at two or three.

I know that the coin always falls before the bill when both are dropped, but does it always land on top of the coin?

The Case of the Two-Timers:

Nothing to say about this one, really... it's pretty boring. Sorry. :(

The Case of the False Teeth:

Freddy Zacharias is apparently named after one of Sobol's friends or family members. I know because I've seen at least one book in this series dedicated to someone of the same name.

The Case of the Skin Diver:

This case is where I learned the word "triskaidekaphobia".

What does Sally mean by a "fur piece"? Is that some sort of joke?

It wasn't until I started re-reading the EB series that I realized what a judgmental little B-word Sally is.

Trisk is pretty stupid if he doesn't realize that Marlin could have just changed the part in his hair since he saw him.

"Scaling" stones? Is the same as what normal people call "skipping" stones?

The Case of the Barefoot Thieves:

I really, really hope that Stingy is a nickname.

I wish that Tyrone's accusation of stealing had been false, if only to make the solution a bit less obvious.

What, exactly, is in the Idaville Special, other than ice cream?

Guess that Stingy is a nickname, after all. That's good. But what’s his real name?

The Case of the Dog-Paddle Derby:

"Meat Director" seems like a pointless job created only for a stupid pun.

Aww, Sally thinks her "lap dogs" pun is actually clever. To be fair, it is pretty good for a ten-year-old, but I don't like her, so...

Puddinghead Peabody? His parents must have hated him, and also themselves because their last name is Peabody.

How many American kids would know how many quarts are in a Canadian gallon? Conversely, how many Canadian kids would know how many quarts are in an American gallon?

Of course Horace Cushing was in on the scheme... he is a teenager, after all, and you know how mystery writers are. -_-

The Case of the Broken Globe:

There's nothing about the globe being made of glass, @brownencyclopedia. It’s just described as a "globe of the world".

Seriously, in the illustration, it doesn’t look like glass...

...and it also looks like it could easily be repaired. Is getting the police chief and his know-it-all son involved really all that necessary?

A globe that cost $90 in 1973 would cost $592.49 in 2022. Are globes really that expensive, or was Mr. Morton just enough of a schmuck to pay that much for one?

Ceiling Horatio Cat, I really can't stand the black-and-white morality in Chief Brown's annoyance at Mr. Morton's students not wanting to be squealers.

What if Gene wasn’t “protecting the guilty” by not snitching, but protecting himself? After all, the U.S. Constitution clearly states that snitches get stitches.

The Case of the Pet Skunk:

Yes, it is "Pet Skunk," not "Dead Pet Skunk." I'm talking to you, @brownencyclopedia.

Does anyone else find it hilarious that the poison bottle was just marked “poison”? :D

The story mentions Corby's "four cats and three dogs", but the caption for the corresponding illustration increases the number of dogs to four and reverses the order, so that it says "four dogs and four cats".

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

Section Fifteen

A/N: This is kinda of a prequel kind of thing to Learn To Be, it takes place before the main story. This is part one and it’s from the perspective from Jason Quinn. If I need to tag anything else please let me know, I want everybody to be safe! 

Word Count: 1,586

Tw: domestic abuse, child abuse, violence, cursing, unhealthy relationship 

Most parents waited with bated breath for the teal envelope with the black seal that’s contents would pave out their child’s future to arrive, but Jason Quinn wasn’t one of them. He held no doubt that both of his children would get into section one, the section for only the most powerful children, the section for the people destined for greatness, the section he had been in himself. After all, half of them came from him. He had been preparing his daughter Jester for her placement test since she hit the age of seven. Within those three years she had gained complete control over her rather limited power and was able to give off the impression that it was much more than it was. While Jason hadn’t been preparing his son Jesse his wife, Heather, had. Despite her weak parenting approach Jesse’s emotional manipulation had managed to develop rather powerfully. Everything was going according to plan, he had no need to worry about those two.

That’s why he let his wife open the letters first, she had been far more anxious than he had. She wouldn’t stop gushing to Jason while they ate dinner how much she missed her little boy. Heather had even gone out and bought a frame for Jesse’s letter to go in once it arrived. Jason refused to do any sort of dramatics like that for Jester, getting into section one was an expectation, not something to celebrate. Anything less was simply unacceptable. He sat on his and Heather’s shared king sized bed watching the television mounted on the wall while his wife fumbled with the letter opener. The television's sound was off at Heather’s request so she could have an easier time pretending that he was listening. In reality they both were fully aware he was reading the captions, he always wanted to be up to date on everything that was happening. 

“Oh Jason he got in! I knew he could do it, and my frame is the perfect size. Should I keep the envelope?” Heather squealed and rambled on to Jason’s annoyance, but he didn’t tell her to stop. Her excitement was good for their image when they were out in public, if he snapped at her now her bubbly joy would feel less real later. If both of their happiness seemed fake it would be glaringly obvious, and they would be no better than the Taski’s. “Do you want to open Jester’s yourself?” She asked, holding her daughter’s envelope with two fingers, letting it dangle in the air.  Her midday sky blue eyes looking for space on the wall, no doubt trying to plan where she wanted the framed letter to go. 

“No, you go ahead darling, I know you’re far more excited than me,” he answered, although when it came to Jester they were both aware of Heather’s distaste. The blonde had never cared much for her daughter, hence why Jason was the main disciplinary for Jester. His wife didn’t protest though, instead she finally put her pretty lips together and tore open the envelope. The television switched to an ad for a restaurant that seemed to serve plenty of spaghetti. Jason considered taking Heather there to snap her out of the mood she was sure to fall into after she hung the letter up. It would help distract her from the empty home. 

“Jason…” Heather whispered, she must have taken a step back because he could no longer see her in his peripheral. All of this pointed to Jester failing, an annoying setback but not something to difficult to work from. Heather was always overreacting. 

“Out with it, how bad did she do? Section two, three?” He kept his voice soft but firm, he didn’t need Heather hiding away from him over nothing. 

“No, none of those,” he waited for her to finish but she just trailed off again. He sighed through his nose and counted backwards from five in his head. Despite trying to keep him from being angry she always managed to push his buttons. 

“Well, what is it then? Four, five?” The commercials were still playing, now an ad for a jewelry store.

“Fifteen,” the shakily whispered word consumed all other sound in the room. Jason sat statue still for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he had actually heard correctly before turning off the television and turning to look at his wife. She had tucked her skinny ass into the corner of the room partially blocked by their polished dark brown wood dresser. Jesse’s neatly cut open envelope and letter rested on top of said dresser while Jester’s ripped apart envelope had been discarded onto the floor right next to the plastic black trash bin. Jester’s letter however was clutched in both of his wife’s hands blocking her large chest from him. Something that annoyed him further since he knew she had been wearing a lacy low cut ruby red tank top that would have given him such a lovely view. 

“Let me see that,” he didn’t yell, there was no reason to yet. Perhaps it had been a misprint, or Heather had read it wrong. She eyed him before pulling herself away from the ash gray walls and with a shaky slender hand gave him the letter. He took his time reading the letter, it was clear most of it was standard in every letter. The first two paragraphs were about how happy the school was to be taking care of your child and a description on what they would be learning. The third paragraph was where things seemed more personal. It began:

‘We regret to inform you that your child did not take part in the placement test, as only children whose powers are extremely dangerous refuse the placement test your child has now been placed in section fifteen. With time in this section we guarantee your child will no longer be a threat to themselves or others-’

Jason didn’t need to read any further, in fact he couldn’t as his clenched fists had pulled the paper apart.  Heather was back whimpering in the corner and part of him wanted to slap her so she would just be silent for once but if he hit her she would just get louder, she always did. Jason couldn’t just do nothing however, his shaking fists and roaring thoughts wouldn’t allow it.

With the speed and grace of a fox on the prowl he stood up off the bed and grabbed the framed picture of the four family members together. He stared at his daughter’s smiling face, she was only nine in the photo but it’d be too easy to mistake her for a teen. She wore makeup that made her features look sharp, dark green lipstick, and purple eye shadow to match the family crests colors. He threw the picture at the wall close to his wife and watched as it left a small hole in the wall. Heather squeaked at the thump as her eyes followed the now cracked glass. She reached down to pick it up but he stomped over and crushed it under his black clad foot, almost catching her hand in the process. 

“Jason!” She screeched, partially out of fear but he could also hear her exasperation. “That was my favorite photo…”

“ Who gives a damn? Just buy a new one- but cut that traitorous bitch out!” He snapped back finally giving his wife his full attention.

“Traitorous? What are you talking about?” She asked, he never understood how someone so stupid got through medical school.  

“Did you even read the letter? Don’t answer because we both know you didn’t.” he cut her off as she opened her mouth to defend herself no doubt. “Jester didn’t take the damn placement test, she played the ‘my powers are too dangerous card.’” What he couldn’t figure out was why?

“Perhaps she got cold feet?” Heather suggested. Her usual disgust when talking about the girl missing, replacing it was a high pitched whine that made everyone of her words feel like their own question. 

“Perhaps her stupid fucking mother got involved and screamed at her one to many times for using her power on Jesse like I had told her to!” Jason shouted in her face as his fist came crashing down like a hammer to a nail on her cheek. Her head hit the wall and she curled up on the soft maroon carpet sobbing. At least she could do that quietly. Jason doubted that Jester was too scared to take the test, she knew what would happen if she disappointed him. When she came home-

“Oh, she thinks she’s so clever…” He mumbled to himself as he realized his initial thought had been right. She was rebelling, and there would be no physical consequence until the holidays. Jester believed that she could do whatever she wanted while she was away at school. He would just have to show her how wrong she was. Her being in section fifteen threw a wrench in his plans, but he could work with it. After all, he knew Jester could get the job done, he just needed to teach her another lesson. Perhaps it was time to create a new national holiday…

“Clean yourself up honey, there’s a new restaurant I think you’ll like,” he spoke with a wide smile while giving her a hand up. Yes, he knew that he could make all of this work out, perhaps even better than before.

[captainoftherollyjoger]

Future Planning

It's Roland's birthday and the group are going on a trip to the zoo. Killian isn't too sure what to think. Throughout the day, Emma thinks about the future she might have with Killian, if only she could find the right words. 

   A few innuendos, a bit of humour, teeny bit of angsty. Over protective mother mode from Emma. Thanks to my bestie @thatwolfbookgirl for suggesting this idea! I say suggesting. More demanding.

Ao3

 “Henry! Hurry up!” Emma shouted up the stairs, he was still in the shower. They had two bathrooms and it still took them ages to get ready. As much as she loved her life, after all, she was married to a man who would go to the end of the world for her, and she had a smart son, she sometimes missed the ease that came with a lonely life. She could grab a coat and walk out the door. Not anymore.

 “What’s the rush, love?” Killian walked into the lounge. He was wearing some grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt, a coffee in his hand.

 “Killian! Why aren’t you dressed?” She stressed. “We’re meant to be meeting the gang at nine! It’s eight thirty.” He just smirked at her. He placed his mug on the table and sauntered over, he snuggled into her neck. “No. You can’t just do this everytime I’m mad.” She stepped back. “Go upstairs, march your arse into our shower, and get changed.”

 His eyebrow raised, “I think you should join me, love. Seems you have a little bit of tension to relieve.”

 “I’ve showered. I’m tense because I promised we wouldn’t be late. As usual! For a pirate captain, you’ve really got lazy.”

 “What can I say, you’ve tamed me.” He walked slowly out the room.

 “Walk with a bit more purpose, Hook.”

 Henry was sitting on the couch, finally. One down, one to go. She had heard Killian shut their bedroom door, at least he was getting somewhere.

“Have you got enough entertainment for the journey? It’s two hours remember.”

“It will feel even longer if you and Killian always make eyes at each other.”

“Stop listening to your mother, we don’t make eyes.” What on earth was he doing? She stomped upstairs. She barged into their room, he was sitting on the bed in his towel. “What are you doing?”

 “I’m tired, Swan.” He lay back on the bed. “I can’t be bothered going out. I can think of much better things to do. Why don’t you join me?” He smirked.

 “Killian, this trip has been planned for a month! Get your clothes on.” He blew his fringe from his eyes. “You need a haircut.”

 “I could get one today.”

 “No, we’re going to the zoo today. Come on, it’s Roland’s birthday. You know how much he loves you.” Killian groaned, he really liked the little lad. She climbed next to him on the bed, he pulled her on top of him.

 “See, isn’t this much better?” He smirked. He went to kiss her but she dodged. She leant down to his ear.

 “Get changed, and I’ll make sure Regina has Henry tonight. I’ll make it up to you then.” She smirked, she kissed his neck as a promise. She got up and he immediately started getting changed. “That’s a good boy.” She laughed and left the room. “Make sure you pick up Roland’s present off the counter.”

 The three of them finally arrived at the Loft. 09:01. Not bad.

 “Killy!” Shouted Roland, the little boy ran up to him and jumped into his arms.

 “Woah! Hey, little thief.” He lifted the boy into the air. “Happy Birthday! Now, tell me, how old are you?”

 “Seven!”

 “Yay! You’re nearly as tall as your daddy.” He smiled. Robin walked over.

 “Roland, put your coat on.” Killian placed the boy down and he did as he was told. Emma walked over to him.

 “How can a seven year old do what he’s told, yet you can’t?

 “I’m a rebel. Like in that Star Wars thing that Henry always talks about.”

  Roland had his coat on and walked back over to Emma and Killian.

 “Hey, Roland. Killian’s got your present.”

 “No, I haven’t.”

 “I told you to pick it up. Did you forget?” At least he had the decency to look guilty. “For goodness sake Killian. I asked you to do one thing.” She sighed and walked off.

 “Wives.” Laughed Robin. “She doesn’t look too happy with you.”

 “Aye, I’ve not been the best today. Admittedly.”

 “Captain Hook scolded by a woman, who would have thought that day would occur?”

 “I’ve been scolded by many a woman, Rob. However, Emma actually matters. I’ll fetch your son’s present over later.” He smiled.

 “Don’t worry about it. He’s got plenty.”

 They finally got on the road. They had to go in different cars. Mary-Margaret, David, and Neal in the truck; Robin, Regina, and Roland in her car; and Emma, Henry, Violet, and Killian in the bug. Violet had met them at the Loft, Henry had invited her along for some company. Emma hadn’t spoken to Killian since she stormed off. Violet and Henry were chatting away in the back of the car, but Killian just sat feeling sorry for himself. Emma looked annoyed. Henry had bought Killian a new phone for his birthday, they decided to upgrade him to a smartphone and introduced him to SnapChat. Most of the town had regretted that. He took his phone out of his pocket, Emma was too busy concentrating on driving and being mad at him, he took a silly picture and sent it her. Even if she wouldn’t see it yet. He rested his head on the side.

 Emma was feeling quite annoyed with her husband. They were pulling into the services, there was only so far a seven year old’s bladder could go. Killian was sleeping on the door, she may have gone over a speed bump harsher than she had to. His head lifted and smacked back on the door. He woke up immediately.

 “What’s wrong, bang your head?”

 “Urm, yeah.” He rubbed it better. They got out of the car and headed for some food. Violet and Henry ran off to McDonalds, but Emma and Hook opted for Burger King. They sat opposite each other on a small table, Emma was checking her phone. A snapchat from Killian. She opened it. He was pulling a funny face with a caption Sorrrrrrryyy, I love youuuu ;D. She laughed and looked up at him, he was stuffing his face with his burger.

 “What’s so funny, Swan?” He asked after he swallowed his large bite.

 “You. You’re a goofball.” She smiled. “Sorry for being grumpy.” She leant over the table and kissed him. "I've just been thinking about something."

 “Sorry for being a pain. I’ll be on my best behaviour. Care to share?” She shook her head.

 The whole group arrived at the zoo. Roland was jumping up and down in excitement.

 “What are we seeing first, daddy?” Robin smiled and handed him a map.

 “Up to you, you’re the birthday boy.”

 “So, Swan. What is this place?” Asked Killian, who was now holding Emma’s hand. Henry had mimicked a gagging motion towards Violet, when they started being lovey dovey again.

“It’s a zoo. It’s where we can see wild animals. Some people disagree with them, some think they’re cruel, caging animals up. Others think they’re useful, they have breeding programmes and such, plus they’re educational.”

 “What kind of animals? Like dogs?”

 “They don’t have dogs at zoos, Killian.” Laughed Henry. “They have lions and stuff.”

 “Lions? What’s a lion?”

 “You’ll see.” Emma patted his chest.

 “I want to see the elephants!” Shouted Roland.

 “Elephant?”

 “You can’t miss them, Killian.” Smiled Violet.

 The group headed straight to the elephant enclosure. There was a whole range of sizes of elephant. Killian looked terrified.

 “Swan, they are huge. What’s that thing on it’s face.”

 “It’s nose, Killian.”

 “It’s nose? It could give August a run for his money.” He found his joke hilarious, as did Robin. Emma gave him a stern look. “I’m kidding around, love.”

 “Stop being mean to August. Just because you’re jealous of him.”

 “No I’m not!”

 “You so are, Captain.” Laughed Regina. Killian shot her a nasty look.

 “Daddy! Giraffe’s next!” The little boy ran off and they all followed.

 “What the hell is wrong with that things neck? Has it been tortured? It’s taller than the bloody beanstalk I’ve had to climb. Twice.” He smirked at Emma, always fond of remembering their first adventure together. “If I’m not wrong, Dave. That’s where you called me son.” He smiled, smacking the prince on the shoulder.

 “I regret it more and more each day.” He sighed.

 “Killy!” Roland was being asked to be picked up. “It’s a giraffe! They come from Africa.” Killian put the boy on his shoulders.

 “If you keep growing anymore, you’ll be just as tall, lad.” Emma laughed at him. “What else do you know about them?”

 “They have a blue tongue to stop them from getting sunburn!”

 “Wow, that’s very cool. You’re much more clever than your father.”

 “Hey!”

Killian kept Roland on his shoulders for a while, he demanded to see the lions next. Henry and Violet had disappeared, they wanted to go watch the parrot show. Killian was completely against that idea. Parrots he was well aware of. No thank you.

 “Why do these animals have such a big cage around them? They looked harmless, Swan.” He was watching the large male lion dozing in the sun.

 “I can assure you, hubby. You don’t want to mess with a lion.” She chuckled. “They look harmless, but honestly, they’ll kill you.”

 “Hmm, I think I know someone who reminds me of a lion.” He smirked, he leaned in and kissed her.

 “Ew! Killy! Stop it.” Roland yanked his head back by his hair.

 “Ow! That hurt.”

 “Then don’t kiss people in public.”

 “She’s my wife!”

 “Who cares? Take me over there.” He rolled his eyes and did as the boy commanded.

  Mary Margaret walked up to Emma’s side, David was holding Neal and pointing at the lions, he had just started walking.

 “They’re cute together.” Smiled her mother. “Roland and Killian.”

 “Yeah, they are.” She smiled. Her mother gave her a big smile. “No, mom. This is not the time for that conversation.”

 “Is it so bad for a mother to want her child to be happy?”

 “I am happy.”

 “I know, dear. But, I know what would make you happier. You’re ready, and you know it.” Emma rolled her eyes. “He’s ready.”

 “He’s been ready for a while.” She admitted.

 “It would make him extremely happy.”

 “Hook is extremely happy anyway, especially with Henry opening up more and more with him. He keeps asking him loads of questions about Violet.”

 “Is romantic advice from Killian what you want Henry to be hearing?”

 “He won me over, didn’t he?”

 “Eventually.” Emma sighed. “Can we just have a nice day out? I don’t want to think about anything serious today.”

 “What are we queuing for?” Whined Killian. “We’ve been standing here for ages.”

 “Stop moaning.”

 “But, Swaaan. I’m hungry, when’s lunch?” He hugged her around the back and rested his head on her shoulder, he let out a large animated sigh.

 “Five minutes.”

 The five minutes passed quickly and their group was shouted up. Henry and Violet had returned to them. They were having a group picture taken, it was pirate themed, Killian was not impressed.

“Who’s wearing the pirate hat?” Asked the photographer, he was too cheery for Killian’s liking,

“This one, here.” Laughed Emma, pointing at Killian.

“Here you go, sir.”

 “I am not wearing that.” The hat had a long black wig attached to it, similar to the Disney Hook. “You can offer me all the money in the world, I wouldn’t be seen dead in that.”

 “That can be arrange, Captain, put on the hat and make Roland’s day special before I do something you regret.” Spat Regina. He grumpily put the hat on. The man took the picture, but Hook refused to smile.

 “Would you mind smiling, captain?” Asked the photographer. Emma had her arm around him and pinched him.

 “Ow!”

 “Smile.” It was more a grimace than a smile, but they took it. He ripped the hat off and walked off.

 “He really doesn’t like looking like an idiot, does he?” Laughed Henry.

 “Doesn’t he look in the mirror everyday?” Asked Regina, they all laughed. Even Emma. He heard them and walked faster.

 “He gets hangry. If we feed him, he’ll be fine.” Said Emma.

 They had lunch in a large cafeteria, everyone was chatting nicely, Hook’s mood had improved now he had some chicken nuggets in him. Regina bought Roland a cupcake and stuck a candle in it. They sang happy birthday to him and everyone around them cheered. The next enclosure they ventured to was the lemurs and monkeys, the room was open, so they could walk through. Emma and Killian were chatting by a water feature, when he saw Emma eyeing up Henry. He turned and looked, the pair were holding hands and laughing together.

 “Now, now, Swan. It is his girlfriend. Calm your motherly wrath.” Killian was grinning like an idiot.

 “You enjoy it too much, you love seeing him get flustered over her.”

 “What can I say? It’s too funny, he gets all nervous and sweaty. Plus, he does so many embarrassing things in front of her, always dropping things, walking into things and such.”

 “You’re not always the dashing rapscallion you think you are. I seem to remember a certain deckhand who couldn’t even speak to me. Getting all nervous when I taught him to sword fight.”

 “Any man would be nervous with you and a sword near them. If I remember correctly, the first time we met you held a dagger to my throat.”

 “You were a different kind of nervous, you kept tripping over your words, you fancied me.” She teased.

 “Course I did, you defeated a dragon, plus you were the most beautiful woman I ever met. You always will be, Swan.” He smirked.

 “I know.”

 “Swan, why is that bird pink?”

 “It’s a flamingo.”

 “Why is it standing on one leg?”

 “Because if it stood on none, it would fall over.” Even she smirked at the speed of her response.

 “You think you’re sooo funny.” He ran over and started tinkling her sides.

 “Killian! No, don’t! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have been funny, don’t. Stop. Stop. Please.”

 “Get a room.” Sighed Regina.

 “Speaking of which, will you have Henry tonight? If he agrees?” Asked Emma.

 “He told me he was staying at Violet’s.”

 Emma froze, “He’s what?” Hook smirked. “I don’t think so.”

 “Let the lad stay.”

 “Killian, he’s sixteen.”

 “May I remind you that by the time you were seventeen, you were pregnant.” Stated Regina.

 “Yes, that’s why I’m cautious. I don’t want any grandkids yet.”

 “Calm down, Swan. You’re overreacting. Let the lad stay, you trust him.” She nodded and sighed.

 “I don’t know what looks worse, the Dark One, or the real thing.” Killian was looking at the crocodiles in disgust. “Look at them. Ugh.” He felt Emma’s hand hold his.

 “Tick tock, pirate. You’ve been looking at them in disgust for ten minutes.”

 “They’re just so foul.” One of them moved unexpectedly, Killian jumped. “I’ve had enough.”

  Killian trudged into the living room, the last enclosure of the day had not been a successful one. He was never going to a zoo again. Emma followed behind him, grinning like an idiot.

 “No one told you to feed the goats, hubby.” Killian had seen the petting zoo and was just as keen as Henry and Roland to feed the goats, yet he didn’t know how desperate they were. The goat had taken the bag and Killian’s fake hand with it, he couldn’t get it back, so had to walk around with his brace empty for the rest of the day. “I warned you, they’re violent.”

 “I need a bath.” He ran his hand through his hair. “This day has been too traumatic.” She laughed at how pathetic he was being, but she guessed it would be a little strange for him.

 “Oi, you.” She said, gently. He turned around. “Come ‘ere.” She opened her arms out wide for him. He smiled and hugged her tight. “I’ll run you a bath, go and relax on the couch for a bit. Then I’ll make us some pasta. How does that sound?” She smiled.

 “You treat me too well,” he snuggled into her neck. “Honestly. I’d be lost without you, I love you.”

 “I love you too, now, go on. I’ll shout you when it’s ready.”

 Killian was lying on the couch, reading a book Henry had recommended. A guy who was called Hannibal, and he was a cannibal? Henry had odd tastes, but the boy seemed excited.

“Killian!” That was his cue. He stomped up the stairs, he was ready for this bath. He walked into the bathroom, Emma was lying in his bath.

 “I think we’ve brought back one of the animals from the zoo, love. There appears to be a swan in my bath.”

 “What’s wrong, captain? Scared of a bird.” He scoffed and joined her. He lay back on her and closed his eyes. “Can I speak to you about something?”

 “Aye, lass. Anything you want.” He was feeling relaxed and Emma was running her hands through his hair.

 “It’s… well, it’s a bit awkward.” He opened his eyes. “I just want your opinion if I’m being honest. It’s no certainty or anything.” She was glad he couldn’t stare her in the face with his big blue eyes, she would never have managed.

 “I’m worried, love.”

 “Don’t be. It’s just, we’ve been married for what? Nearly two years now.”

 “Aye, our anniversary is next month. Do you want to discuss plans?”

 “Sort of… I was just wanting to know your opinion of maybe extending the family?”

 “Is there another resident in town who has appeared? Another blonde claiming to be related to you?” His voice was full of concern. She slapped him playfully over the head. “Hey!”

 “You know for someone who claims to be quite perceptive, you ain’t half an idiot sometimes! I’m talking about having a baby, Killian!” He tensed.

 “A baby?”

 “Yes. I mean, I’m not certain I want one, and I’d have to speak to Henry, but I wanted to speak to you about it. After all, you’re kind of the necessary ingredient.”

 “I would love to have a baby with you, Emma.”

 “You would?”

 “Preferably two.” He smirked.

 “Two?”

 “A boy and a girl.”

 “You’ve thought about this?”

 “Aye. For a while now.” He admitted quietly.

 “Why did you never say anything?”

 “Because I thought you were happy with Henry, that you wouldn’t want to go through pregnancy again, it was so traumatic for you the last time. I know it scares you, I’m the one who comforts you when you wake up screaming about it.”

  “Surely, if we had a baby, or two.” She smiled. “Then I wouldn’t have to experience pregnancy like that again?”

 “You would be treated like a princess… even more than you already are. I’ll be there for you through anything, Swan.”

 “I love you, Killian. Tell me.”

 “Tell you what?”

 “About our kids, I assume you’ve thought about it?”

 “You don’t need to hear it,” He was embarrassed.

 “I want to.”

 “Okay, well, if I got my own way. I’d have a little boy first. With your permission, I’d like to call him Liam after my brother.”

 “Who would he look like? Me or you?”

 “I imagine him with lighter brown hair, slightly auburn, like Liam had. A bit curly. He’d have bright blue eyes.”

 “Would he have a middle name?”

 “David.... Or Charming, whichever you prefer.” He chuckled.

 “What about our second child?”

 “She’d be a little girl, spitting image of her mother. Stubborn.”

 “Of course.”

 “Gutsy, intelligent, she’d probably have me wrapped around her little finger.”

 “No doubt about it. What would we name her?”

 “I always liked Emilia. Emilia Rose perhaps?”

 “That’s beautiful, Killian.”

 “They would never be taken to the zoo though, I’m not putting our children in harm’s way.”

 “Of course. I love you.”

 “I love you too.”