#i havent even named them properly even after years

[tb-png]

Farmer Boyyyyy 🧑‍🌾

my oc isn’t a farmer, but when it comes to drawing him, i put him up to the dumbest stuff with his whole chest out <3

2023 V. 2020

appearance wise he’s still the same, but im glad my art improved so i can finally do him justice LOL

[be-good-to-bugs]

you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

[buckiverse]

Sweet Surprises

inspired by eternal attachment :3

contents: fluff, suggestive if you squint, angst if you squint. friends-to-lovers vibe. confession *heart eyes*. 

summary: you tried to surprise zayne for his birthday but it failed. 

word count: 1.4k

notes: I havent written in so long, forgive any typos

______________________________________________________________

★It was the day before Zayne’s birthday, and your procrastination caught up to you as you stared at various ingredients. “Vanilla…chocolate…strawberry… maybe I bought too many base flavors,��� you muttered. You sorted through the assortment of toppings—macaroons, blueberries, even edible flowers. Who knew you could flavor a cake with flowers? 

★You and Zayne had often talked about his love for sweets, but nothing compared to the day you both stood before the macaroon display at your favorite cafe. 

“What flavor are you gonna get, Zayne?” you asked, already eyeing a few of your favorites. 

He grinned slightly, “what if we get them all?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Get them all? And put them where??”

“In my fridge, of course,” he replied as if it was the most obvious solution in the world.

“Even so, we can’t finish all these by ourselves. How about we pick a few.” 

Zayne leaned closer, his voice softening, “Each macaroon not only tastes good but tells its own little story. Let’s try them all, hmm?”

★You smiled at the memory, whispering, “He’s so cute,” but your smile faded as you remembered the decision ahead. Zayne’s tastes in desserts made choosing the right one for his birthday even harder. And time was running out—this was supposed to be a surprise. 

★Another critical mention: you are a terrible baker. Between your hectic schedule as a hunter and lack of practice, you barely had time to eat properly, let alone learn how to bake. You glanced at the cookbook, the pages worn from your frantic flipping. Then it struck you—why not combine two things he loves? A macaroon cake! A… “cakaroon,” you mused.

★You decided on a chocolate base, grabbing flour, eggs, sugar, and cocoa powder. You mixed them, clumsily splashing batter onto Zayne’s counters. As you worked, one of your favorite songs began to play, and you softly sang along, your mind drifting back to memories with Zayne. 

★It all started when you were kids playing together. Zayne was always the quiet, stoic type, making teasing him all the more fun. As you both grew older, life pulled you in different directions. You moved to another part of Linkon with your granny; years had passed without seeing him before you knew it. One day, you landed a job at the Hunters Association, which came with a new health plan and a new doctor. You still remember the shock when you realized your new primary care physician was Zayne. At first, you thought it was a coincidence—after all, Zayne isn’t an uncommon name. But then, he walked in, the same Zayne you’d known since childhood, standing before you—a man now. 

★The truth is, you always liked Zayne. But you never quite knew how to communicate that. Maybe this cake could be a way of saying, “Happy birthday—by the way, I like you.” 

★You finished mixing the batter and poured it into two cake pans. “Mmh,” you nodded as you slid them into the oven. “Things are going good. I hope he likes this,” you thought, allowing yourself a moment of hope. 

★You sat on a stool by the kitchen island, glancing at the clock and humming to music. Suddenly, you heard the click of the front door. “Shit!” You thought, leaping out of your seat so fast you nearly slipped. During your panic, Zayne walked into the room. 

“y/n?” he called, his voice laced with confusion. He approached, reaching for your arm. 

You turned, face flushing. “Hey…” you said, trying to keep calm as you stood up slowly. 

“Why are you here?” Zayne asked, his brows furrowed. 

“I—I was going to surprise you,” you stammered, feeling your cheeks heating up.

“But it seems you got off work sooner than I thought….” 

Zayne looked at you, his gaze softening. But that didn’t stop you from talking. “I—I planned to surprise you, you know. Your birthday is so soon, and I know you love sweets. So I bought all these ingredients, lost track of time because I couldn’t decide what to do, and then looked up. You got home sooner than I thought, but I wanted the cake ready when you got here because this is supposed to be a surprise.” You stumbled over your words, going on and on about your plans for his birthday. 

Your cheeks heated up when you realized Zayne was smiling at you—that half-smile he always did when amused. 

A playful glint struck his eyes, “Should I leave and come back in an hour to give you more time to finish?” 

His teasing made your face even hotter, and you couldn’t help but laugh nervously. “No, no! I—well, I just wanted it to be perfect, that’s all,” you mumbled, looking down.

Zayne flashed that half-smile and stepped closer, gently lifting his hand to touch your cheek. “I don’t dislike it.”

The alarm for the forgotten cakes went off, breaking the tension between you two. You quickly turned and rushed to the oven, pulling the cakes out before they burned.

“Why don’t we finish the cake together?” Zayne suggested, his voice still light with amusement.

You placed the cakes on the counter, almost burning yourself as the hot pans grazed your fingertips. Zayne leaned over to inspect them, a teasing grin on his lips. “These are quite lopsided,” he remarked.

You blushed profusely, realizing you didn’t level out the batter earlier. Still feeling a little embarrassed, you watched Zayne walk over to his cabinets, pulling out a small container of toothpicks. 

He took one out and handed it to you. “Try this. Stick it in the center. If it comes out clean, they’re done.” 

You took the toothpick and gently pushed it into the cake. Relief washed over you as it came out completely clean. “Looks like it’s ready.”, you said, glancing up at Zayne’s emerald eyes. 

He carefully lifted the pans and placed them on the stove burners to cool. “What flavor were you thinking for the icing?” he asked, his tone more curious now. 

“I was planning on a raspberry filing,” you replied, your voice softening. “Like the macaroons we got a couple of weeks ago.” 

Zayne’s eyes lit up at the memory. “Indeed, that’s an excellent choice.” 

The two of you worked side by side, mixing fresh raspberries, chocolate shavings, and cream. The icing filled the kitchen with a sweet and tangy scent. As you stirred the ingredients together, a thought crossed your mind, and you couldn’t help but voice it.

“Do you ever get lonely?” you asked, your tone more vulnerable than intended. 

Zayne paused, his brows furrowed slightly as he considered the question, “Why do you ask?” 

You hesitated, then continued, “I was just thinking…  You’re working the day before your birthday. Doesn’t that get lonely? You spend so much time helping others, but who’s there for you?” 

He sighed softly, his gaze dropping to the mixing bowl. “I love my work. It’s fulfilling to perform surgeries and make a difference. But, yes, I suppose there are moments when I feel alone. What about you?” 

You stared at the swirling mixture, the vibrant red of the raspberries reminding you of the warmth that had once filled your life. “Sometimes, I’m too busy hunting wanderers to notice how I feel. I often convince myself I’m okay because I don’t have time to think otherwise. But lately, especially since Granny and Caleb passed—it’s been harder. Their absence is always there, even if I try not to feel it. “

Zayne’s hand reached out, gently covering yours. The touch was soft, but it broke through the fog of your thoughts. You looked up to find his eyes filled with sincerity, a quiet understanding that words couldn’t convey. 

“I’m here for you,” he whispered, his voice steady and reassuring. 

The loneliness that weighed so heavily on you seemed to lift for a moment. You moved your hand to hold Zayne’s fully, feeling the warmth of his palm against yours. In that shared silence, you knew you weren’t alone. 

Zayne gazed deeply into your eyes, wanting to see the soul that lay beneath. Tranquility filled the room, and the gentle strings of music were the only sound that broke the silence. 

Zayne leaned in closer, your lips almost touching; the tension between you was palpable. 

You lifted yourself, balancing on your tiptoes. Gently, you kissed Zayne's lips, feeling your heart skip a beat as your lips met his.

The kiss was soft, yet it carried an intensity that spoke of the emotions brewing deep within you. Your heart raced as he held you close, your veins pulsating beneath your skin. 

He slowly pulled away from the kiss, his emerald eyes never leaving yours.

______________________________________________________________

what did ya'll think :333

planning on writing a pt 2 maybe

ignore that I did not finish coding the stars LMAO

[clownsalot]

uhm i come bearing milgram ocs can i come play in the sandbox with you guys 👉👈

anyways here are my silly guys!!

(im kinda too lazy to come up with my own entire prisoner roster and Es, so i basically just plopped my guys straight into canon. also, im only throwing in stuff from trial 1 because i havent really thought out trial 2 yet beyond vague ideas)

details and stuff below the cut!!!

introduction

015

t1 songs of the prisoners

No, I'm too scared to—!

t1 voice trailer

Ah, my name is Takahashi Naoto. Just Naoto is fine. I'm 18, in my graduating year of highschool. Nice to meet you, Warden. I think asking me about how I feel will just sway your decision making. It's straightforward, so let's keep it simple. Just take the facts. —"—"- What the hell...what the hell? I didn't think it would...it wasn't supposed to...

016

t1 songs of the prisoners

This is...payback!

t1 voice trailer

Yo~ I'm Hashimoto Akane. I'm 15 years old, 3rd year middle school. That makes us a similar age, doesn't it? Let's get along! Well, I will admit that what I did definitely made some people very upset. You'll be deciding if I should be punished on their behalf, right? —"—"- You deserve this. You deserve this! You're the one who chose to go that far...!

interrogation questions

Q: Family?

015: Both my parents. An older brother, too. I don't talk to them often since I stopped living with them.

016: Myself, my mom and dad, and my younger sister. She's 14, I love her very much!!

Q: Who was your victim to you?

015: A schoolmate. Her name was Asuka. You could say we were friends.

016: She wasn't anyone important to me or anything, so don't get weird ideas. I only knew about her because of my sister.

Q: How is your experience in Milgram?

015: It's not all bad. I've never had this much free time before.

016: It's alright but I still kinda want to go home. I worry about how my sister is doing...

Q: What do you dislike?

015: Just in general? Well, it doesn't matter i guess. I don't like things that are bothersome.

016: People who mistreat others for no reason. They're terrible. Terrible!

Q: Are there things you regret?

015: I try not to think about them. Regrets don't erase your mistakes, so what's the point?

016: I did everything believing it was the right choice at the time. But I wish I'd done more sooner. It would have saved my sister a lot of suffering and I might not even be here if I had.

Q: Do you have apologetic feelings for your victim?

015: You're the one responsible for judging if I should, aren't you?

016: Who knows. But I don't regret what I did.

Q: Any prisoners you're close with?

015: I'm on good terms with everyone. Though, I like talking with Kayano. He's a bit like an older sibling.

016: I like taking care of Amane and always try to look after her, we're the youngest in the prison after all. But I don't know if she likes it...

Q: Which prisoner would you say is most like you?

015: Mr Mukuhara. There's just something about him, like if he looks at me too long he'll know what I did. That he'll know that I broke a promise too.

016: Not that sure actually...maybe Kotoko?No...Kajiyama? I don't know. But Kajiyama's actually kinda nice when you get down to it, isn't that surprising? He looks out for Haruka, like I try to do for Amane.

Q: Is there a verdict you hope for?

015: That would defeat the point. I want to be judged properly by an outside perspective. Whatever you decide must be correct, right?

016: I'd like to be forgiven, since I think I did the right thing. But I know what I did also hurt others, so I understand if you choose not to forgive me.

bonus notes!!

i was thinking that the trial results would go something like:

for naoto (015) it'd be t1 guilty t2 innocent, something like fuuta. because his mv and song would be super vague and the prevalent theory would paint him in a terrible light, kinda like shidou except without the pretty privilege, and like fuuta whether he feels bad or not is hard to tell, so he gets guiltied. then somehow his trial 2 would garner him a crap ton of sympathy again like fuuta and his vote would turn around

for akane (016) it'd be t1 innocent t2 guilty, kinda like a reverse of naoto. she might be like muu or kotoko where the trial 1 paints her as super sympathetic/heroic, leading you to root for her, but in trial 2 she gets painted in a more negative light so she gets guiltied then

funny side note is that in terms of character parallels by complete accident i accidentally gave naoto like a wild number of paralles to kazui?? like i reached the 'which prisoner would you say is most like you' question, looked at it and suddenly realized, hey isn't this guy just like kazui??? it's that 'i personally relate to kazui a staggering amount' swag ig

akane's parallels were a lot harder to think of because she paralleled a lot of characters in different ways, so the way i ended up writing her response was deliberate and it's great fun to me lol.

i actually couldn't decide if akane would like fuuta or hate his guts, so i didn't include a 'who do you get along with?' question here since i didn't know how to answer it

for their names i ended up going down the 100 most common japanese surnames list on wikipedia and choosing ones that i thought fit, then put them in combination with their given names. i think what i came up with is a little morbidly funny in relation to their crimes that i still think i was kinda clever for, but i didn't write anything about their actual crimes beyond the vague hints in the interro questions, and i havent included the actual characters for their names. idk is that interesting to you guys

so anyways i was wondering if it'd be better if i elaborated on the crimes and wrote them out as it happened in another post or..? idk what do you guys think? should i continue to just be super vague about them

i did also come up with these guys with a prisoner pair theme in mind and it's supposed to be something like 'how much of yourself would you give for your loved ones' but im a little afraid that might be too similar to shidou and mahiru's theme about love? even though their crimes are vastly different i think

anyways that's it, have a nice day!! if you were interested enough to read all the way to here thank you so much <3

[hollowwrites]

A Magical Christmas

🎄 Merry Christmas 🎄

Summary - The gang do Secret Santa during sixth year. Just an excuse for all my ships to give gifts to each other

Just a few key points if you havent read anything else of mine: Anne curse is dormant after Rookwood died. Anne and Sebastian haven't spoken after they all confronted him about the Relic.

Warnings - None…very sweet. Sickeningly so…

Word Count - 1897

~

The Great Hall was, as usual during seasonal events of the year, stunning.

It was quieter than normal what with many of the students already with their families over the holidays. And because of this, the long dining tables, normally adorned with house specific colours and trinkets, sported a new colour scheme. A more festive one.

Each table had a long green and red gingham runners with glimmering gold trim. Fir garlands decorated with pinecones and cinnamon sticks neatly separated the foods from gathered group to group. Where people had gathered, the floating candles descended and floated in little clusters near them giving each cliche their own space. Space that could be afforded to them considering a maximum of thirty students at occupied the room.

Garreth was as usual, sat with the Slytherins, hand flailing widely at the snow to try and capture it. Imelda tugged harshly on his arm to get him to sit, a soft playful smirk cracking the stern crease of her brow.

Anne had managed to join them with her curse settling down significantly. Though her and Sebastian sat at the opposite ends of their friends, exchanging awkward smiles and passing comments. She’d forgiven him for his stupidity in fifth year but wasn’t quite ready to talk to him properly just yet.

Evelyn was the only one who looked like she was having a miserable time. Her eyebrows pinched together in a near constant frown as the soft tinkling of the bells in her hair continued to plague her ears. Anne had, of course, forced them upon her. Those and the little berries that lay neatly tucked in the bun upon her head.

“Ho Ho Ho, Everybody” Ominis said flatly as he sat down alongside Evelyn. His face remained its usual stoic and unbothered mask, despite his mirth filled words. A slight jingle came from him as he sat down and Evelyn noticed the outrageously green jumper Garreth gave him last year.

“Merlin’s Beard…what are you wearing?” Imelda exclaimed as Sebastian rested his head in his hands.

“You look beautiful, Ominis” Anne clapped excitedly.

“Thank you, Anne. Once again you are proving you have awful taste” Ominis teased.

“I’m so confused…” Evelyn mumbled, gently picking at the streamers that littered his jumper. Like he had rolled around on the floor beneath a tree. His Santa hat flopped in front of his face as he turned to her, a smarmy little smirk on his face.

“Ominis goes overboard at Christmas” Sebastian explained from the safety of his hands, covering his eyes.

“It’s a traditional muggle holiday, therefore my family and a bunch of other pretentious pureblood families refuse to celebrate it. I try my very best to be an embarrassment” Ominis grinned

“…why?” Evelyn probed still clearing his jumper of settled fake snow and glittery accoutrement.

“Because why not...” His grin grew wider, if that was even possible, his regular pettiness out in full force “…It’s the only time of the year when I don’t get weekly owls from my family. Tis a time celebrate”

“Speaking of…” Imelda muttered “…can we get this gift giving over with? I need to get the next train home”

“Yes! Me first!” Garreth shouted shuffling under the table, pulling numerous brown paper packages and piling them in the centre between them all, knocking over a plate of mince pies into Anne’s lap.

“Garreth…we each had one name, what’s all this?” Sebastian frowned as he looked over the large parcels. He noticed one had his name hastily scrawled onto the paper and he grabbed it immediately.

“Yes well…these are from Momma Weasley. Ominis is so handsomely demonstrating what they are. And if me and him have to look stupid in these jumpers then so do all of you!” Garreth explained as everyone tore into their presents. A sea of green and black jumpers littered the table each with their owners initials expertly knitted onto the chest.

“Bless your mother for making all of these.” Anne mumbled as she pulled the jumper over her head, tugging the sleeves over her hands.

“Yes this must of taken her months” Evelyn said, her brows raised and meeting in the middle as though she was trying not to cry.

Garreth simply shrugged and pulled another package from under the table.

“We Weasleys are prolific knitters. Example B…” he thrust the small package towards Anne “…Merry Christmas”

As Anne grinned and ripped the paper she rolled her eyes.

“What is this?” She rolled her eyes smirking.

“Well I don’t know if you know this but…the scarves are enchanted to match your house. Any scarf I gave you would’ve change to green so I simply had to knit you a Gryffindor one…” Garreth leaned forward, tugging the end out from the package and showing off the crude embroidery of a lion at the end. It looked as though it had three eyes and was a little cross eyed, but Garreth beamed proudly at it. “…Now I can say I officially converted you”

“Gryfferin…” Anne grinned, wrapping the scarf around her neck

“Slythindor…” Garreth winked pulling one more parcel from under the table, his eyes flicked to Sebastian briefly “…this is also for you”

She tore into the present, opening the box inside to reveal the family brooch she once gave Sebastian.

“What is it?” Imelda asked peering into the box and back at Anne, who looked as though she was going to cry. She looked up at Garreth, smiling sheepishly, then towards Sebastian who desperately tried to avoid eye contact. He looked up finally as Anne spoke.

“Thank you…Garreth” she sniffed, whilst looking towards Sebastian. She nodded softly and looked back at Garreth, who just looked relieved she wasn’t upset with him for meddling. “…I got you” she said sweetly, carefully lifting a box, unwrapped, and placing it on the table. The sound of glass hitting glass tinkled as she pushed it towards him.

“Ooooh…” Garreth immediately ripped off the top, inspecting the contents with a raised brow.

“They’re all the potions I messed around with last year. I thought maybe we could try and replicate them. Or when I’m a little better we could try them out…see what happens” Anne explained quietly

“I don’t think that’s a good ide-“ Evelyn started before being cut off by Garreth slamming his hands down on the table, a wide mischievous grin plastered on his face.

“EXCELLENT!” Garreth screamed, mounting the table to get at her, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug.

“Sorry I didn’t spend any money. I can’t really lea-”Anne choked out as Garreth practically strangled her

“Don’t be silly!” He mumbled giving her another squeeze, opting to take the seat next to her instead of rejoining the other side. They huddled together, head practically touching as they muttered about different potions they had made, why the lion had three eyes, what ingredients she used…

“My turn…” Sebastian exclaimed smacking his hands and rubbing them together. “…Imelda…” he stated, presenting a rectangular box to her and smirking. “…Merry Christmas”

Imelda groaned and took the present, muttering the whole time about how Sebastian had to be the absolute worst person to have buy you a gift. And her suspicions were correct when she peeled back the paper to reveal a copy of ‘Quidditch for Beginners’.

“Sebastian Sallow, you are the absolute worst-“ each word was accompanied with a soft slap to his arm. He chuckled and grabbed her wrist, forcing it back to the table, smiling devilishly.

“What? I just thought you could use some pointers on how to be a better Captain” he said smugly, tapping on a piece of paper sticking out of a page.

With a hard angry brow and an exasperated sigh, she flicked to the marked page. Chapter 5: The Captain and their Responsibilities, underlined with two tickets to the next Quidditch World Cup. Imelda gasped and held the book open, just staring into the pages in disbelief.

“Merry Christmas, Mel” Sebastian whispered leaning into her with a cocky grin.

“Will you go with me?” She blurted out suddenly, her cheeks burning.

“I thought you’d want to go with your father…” Sebastian recoiled in shock.

“No no, I want to go with you…” she muttered “…seems only fair. You bought them…Here. This is for you…” she shoved a rather large box towards him with a gruff sigh.

“Ooh it’s big…” Sebastian said as he removed the lid from the top, looking in on the brand new Keepers uniform. “…Mel, uniforms are expensive…”

“Well…I don’t want my new Keeper looking scruffy in school uniform. Besides, after your last fall you need a little extra protection” …it was her turn to smirk when Sebastian face soured, recalling his knee injury his first week back on the pitch.

“Aww Imelda. Do you…care?” He teased, earning another smack from Imelda.

“Right then, it’s your turn then” Imelda muttered, pointing towards Evelyn, desperate to get any attention from her.

“Okay, well obviously I got Ominis…” Evelyn physically shrank into herself with all of the attention suddenly on her “…and I realise that my wrapping is probably lost on you but…here”

Evelyn had grown accustomed to what Ominis was and wasn’t comfortable with. She gently took his hand and placed it on top of the delicately wrapped stack in front of him.

He smiled lopsidedly upon feeling the elaborate bow in his fingers.

“Not completely lost…” he whispered gently pulling at the bow and feeling the whole present unfold. He could smell old books and could feel pages under his fingers. “What books ar- Is this braille?” He suddenly said upon flicking through the pages and feeling the intricate bumps of the paragraphs across the page.

“Yes…I hope you don’t mind, I’ve been practising transfiguration on a few copies of my old books. They’re the ones we were talking about a couple of months ago. I don’t know if the translation is correct, if it doesn’t make sense you can always ask me…”

Ominis was quiet for a while, his fingers tracing over the tiny intricate constellations of words across the page.

“It’s perfect…” he whispered “…some of your favourites?”

“Yes…I have another four copies of each if these are ruined” she explained, her voice taking on a slightly giddy tone. It may only be a simple muggle tale, but they were her favourite and the thought of having someone else reading them filled her heart with joy

“That won’t be necessary. I’m afraid my gift isn’t as thoughtful…” he lay the book back down with the others and pulled a long thin box from his pocket “…nor is it wrapped but I asked they put it in a nice box for you”

She took it and opened the small hinged box revealing a delicate silver necklace with the skull of a bird at the end. She gasped sweetly, though Imelda scrunched her nose up at the sight.

“The few times I’ve borrowed your wand…it’s hilt is a birds skull is it not? A dove?”

“It is…my mother used to call me her dove…” she breathed wistfully, her hands shaking slightly as she inspected the small metal charm.

“Good…” Ominis smiled “…pulled a few strings with the jewelers in Hogsmeade. And Ollivander had the initial sketch of your wand still…”

“It’s beautiful…” she smiled softly and squeezed his hand. “…Thank you, Ominis”

“You’re Welcome. Merry Christmas…”

Masterlist

[sages-herp-garden]

MAN i havent even really posted about Operation: You Wouldn't Download A Superworm

images of irl worms, pupae (i.e. weird transparent bug parts), and beetles below the cut!!!

so if you keep herps you probably know of superworms:

theyre a common feeder insect, a larger cousin to mealworms. operative word insect, because they aren't worms as in annelids--they're actually larvae of the zophobas morio beetle! they usually don't pupate left in the same container together because the other larvae will just eat a largely motionless pupa, but if you separate them out, they metamorphose!

that's my goal: putting them into little individual worm jail cells (using a jewellery box) and raising them into adult beetles, so i can breed my own worms instead of always buying them from pet supply shops. hence Operation: You Wouldn't Download A Superworm. i'm taking some worms i purchased fair and square and starting an illicit beetle breeding ring.

this was... a more difficult task than i expected. i did a LOT of tinkering with the heat and humidity levels, killed off a TON of worms and even some pupae! here's what those look like btw:

i redlined it so that you can see the structures of the folded-up legs, the wings/elytra (in green), the antennae, and the eyes (plus the mouthparts and anime blush).

my first few beetles came out malformed. the original beetle looked like this:

and beetle: the sequel immediately after looked the same. i got the heat right in time for beetle: the threequel, but the humidity was insufficient so her wings didn't form properly:

all three perished shortly after reaching adulthood. we honor their sacrifice in the name of clueless, fumbling science.

fortunately the era of success was immediately to follow, and i now have five (5!!!) healthy, thriving beetles!

i'm being a little cheeky showing all 5 because god knows i can't tell them apart once they darken. the pale coloration is from when they're freshly done cooking, and then they turn black over the course of a few days. their names are beetle: the squeakquel, beetle: electric boogaloo, beetle: senior year, jenah 2, and marshmallow (soon to be burnt to black).

the useful thing about these pics though is that you sex them by looking at their mouthparts. i have 4 females and 1 male, the only male being the eldest (beetle: the squeakquel). you can see the concave space above his mouthparts here:

contrast to the female bugs pictured, who don't have that little space.

[mushyposts]

New ocs 👀

Or is just pov and I am confused 🤔

Either way I am so excited to see!!!!!

I also am kinda wondering what are you fire Nation laws?(Everyone has different ones)

not a new OC! Som very special people are getting POV's in the next chapter hehehe... Im not too sure what you mean by laws, so im gonna take it as a general "What are the major laws thatll effect the fic" kind of thing! The Fire Nation has legal banishment for everyone, which I mentioned offhandedly in the fic. You can send a document to the Fire Lord, but usually its seen by his representatives for that area, to get someone you are legally in charge of (your children, adopted or not, anyone ur the legal guardian of, OR if they've committed treason under the military branch ur in control of! although that can sometimes open u up to speculation, why are so many in ur command questioning our great nation??? What are you teaching them?) banished, this can be conditional (like Zuko's was) or it can be permanent. Sexuality isnt spoken about, theres technically no laws around homosexuality as it isnt even given as an OPTION, the only law that mentions it is that any relationship not mentioned by Agni's words, is not permitted and is seen as a crime against Agni, and is punishable by conditional banishment or even death in some spaces. Since Sozin removed any mention of homosexuality, polyamory, or honestly any relationship/gender outside the cishet binary, this means that without even MENTIONING the idea of homosexuality, as they did not want to even give a name to it as name is power, they've made it functionally illegal. Agni Kai MUST be fought between the parties who initiated it. The one who asks, the one who accepts, unless the Fire Lord says otherwise. This includes him taking the place of, or even permitting (read: Forcing) others to take place for either party. This is meant to be used to protect members who may be unable to properly fight, but still need to have their honour protected. It is. NOT used in that way, usually used as a way for two people engaged in an Agni Kai to try get as better fighter as they can OR Ozai may swap strong benders for weaker one where he wishes another party to win. There arent many laws around women or men's roles. Its more so centric around bender or non-bender. If you can bend, you're expected to do military service on the battle grounds. If you cant, then youre expected to do compulsory military service as a desk worker or something of the sorts. very low ranking, but still something. Very rare for non-benders to climb up the ranks, this got more prevalent during Ozai's rule. I think for the most part the Fire Nation would rule through the unsaid, the inexplicit. Propaganda, subtle laws, technicalities. Keeping their nation as in the dark as they can, lack of proper education/severely distorted education (This is displayed in canon too when Aang goes to the fire nation school.) and it was done slowly, subtly over the years of the war, through twisted narratives. I do believe in explicit laws being present, of course, but I also think sometimes the most dangerous of things said, is what is left unsaid. Lack of explicit, direct legislation, also would give Ozai the opportunity to use loopholes, or consistently falling on Agni's word seeing as he is Agni's will on earth, he can do whatever TF he wants. Less explicit, the better for him in the long run. UH! Thats all I can think of at this point hehe. Also to be clear I havent actually watched LOK, nor have I read all the comics, so this is all based on my own world building after years of obsession w ATLA and atp im too attached to it to let the other stuff change my mind i am SORRY... I also just dont have time ot read all the comics and watch LOK.

[jils-things]

NEW COLOR PALLET TRIO INFODUMP AAUGH‼️‼️(art by nero mwamwa)

OKAY im genuinely gonna take huge insp off the movie because it just matches so well and it bridges missing concepts i needed for their lore AUGH OKAY so

• i'm reclaiming the idea that red gave jaide a torchic and named it chuy (it was named kaia but its CHUY NOW!!!) while i unfortunately cannot answer how did red acquire a torchic it's totally meant for her (maybe through trading with a hoenn local that happened to be in kanto at the time)

• before jaide left for johto, red and blue invited her to the safari zone in fuchsia city because they miss her and they want her to experience what it's like to catch pkmn (despite the pikachu incident that occured before) this allowed jaide to discover her talent - she's really good at catching pkmn, even better than both boys combined.

• so when she was prepared to leave kanto, she would at least have this newfound passion to try to capture, and her target is the johtonian pkmn. she's thankful they helped her find something special about herself. her parting words was hoping that she'd meet them and they'd become fully fledged trainers they aim to be

• skipping past the gen 3 to gen 6 events, we land on the gen 7 timeline, they're all adults now. blue is viridian city's gym leader,

jaide is professor oak and elm's designated professional catcher,

and red is the mysterious living legend and champion who later opened up to the public again thanks to blue.

• meanwhile - thanks to kukui, alola has been creating their own championship league which meant that it's still new. i like to think that the battle tree was also created at the same time and he needed "bosses" to facilitate the battle tree.

• kukui invites red and blue to become the battle tree bosses, to which red and blue agrees with. it's gonna have some sort of grand opening and this brings attention to people from the other regions to want to visit alola. i like to think bringing blue and red was a celebrity bait in some way, especially for red who's popular despite not showing his face around.

• at that same time, professor oak has a new job for jaide which was to capture all alolan regional forms of certain pkmn - she was given the funds to help her go travel to alola. blue would know about this and he tells her to come visit the battle tree because he and red will be there as well. (AHEM AHEM LIKE HOW MANOLO IS GONNA HAVE HIS FIRST BULLFIGHT AND IT COINCIDES WITH THE DAY MARIA RETURNS FROM SPAIN AND AND AND--

• ahem anyways, blue is very excited about this! because red and jaide havent exactly met up with each other properly (they were only able to say hi to each other through blue's contacts since blue and jaide consistently talking to each other throughout the years) (just imagine a funny zoom call where red and blue are in the same room and jaide is on the other side)

• red's ... quite nervous and excited about this! he's still getting used to the public attention and usually loses his mojo when he's being watched, and it's double the pressure when she's around. he can only pray he'll do fine at the battle tree if she's gonna watch him.

• a fun cameo happens with elio/selene where they solo red in the battle tree and blue watches them - jaide eventually appears as well to watch and they're both cheering for red 🫶

• red almost lost that round because jaide showed up and he kept taking chances to look at her

• after the grand opening, they were officially reunited and it felt so good to meet each other again. well, blue with jaide and red felt like nothing since he was simultaneously in contact with them. he's like the messenger between the apples 😔😔

• i like to think red really has never fallen off of liking jaide since he was a kid but it only got stronger when they meet again and it's like an old book had been dusted clean and ready to be opened

• and appleshipping pre romance begins shortly after wehehehhe

[bugsinthebayou]

Blacked out saw cult in an oc lore post slammed the anon button so fast I'm here i wanna hear abt OCs and cults (< made a fictional one to toss my guy into so I can stretch and knead him like thinking putty)

HEHEHE HIIIII !! cult ocs r sooo fun :3

the ocs are named Guide and Runaway :3 they were both raised in a cult where runaway, who was called 'Vessel' during this time, was prophesized to inherit a great power and,,, destroy and recreate the world to be without pain (which would kill everyone and herself in the process)? something like that, i havent fleshed it out fully. guide was raised to be vessel's, well, guide. she was meant to ensure that vessel would follow her destiny and fulfill her role as a martyr for the cult. guide was only a year or two older than vessel/runaway.

vessel is like,, her deadname. both metaphorically and literally (shes mtf and transitioned after running away from the cult). im gonna refer to her kid self with she/her even though she didnt use those at that time.

for many years they were both very loyal to the cult for a while, even despite the odd teachings. they thought it was normal for vessel to be worshiped like she was. im not sure exactly how, but at some point in their preteens(?) vessel realizes something is wrong. guide also notices that its wrong, and truthfully has felt like something's been off for a long time, but still chooses to feign ignorance.

sometime in their teens, probably not even a year before vessel is supposed to use her power to reach into the weavings of reality, she wakes guide up in the middle of the night and tells her she's leaving. she holds her hand out to guide and guide really, truly, wants to take it but she cant. she tells runaway to leave before she alerts some of the other people in the house and runaway leaves. she's not happy about it, though.

runaway manages to find her way to someone that takes her in and teaches her how to properly control her power and just keeps her safe from people trying to take her back. for years, runaway and guide end up on opposing sides of missions and sometimes battlefields. as time goes on its clearer and clearer to runaway and the cult's trying to recreate her power into guide. and they're partially working; but not without severe consequences.

at some point, im not sure when but its likely post-some kind of big battle, the cult is disbanded and guide and runaway are reunited. they start living in the same apartment and are officially together. guide starts going to therapy (runaway's been going for a little while), and things just start looking up. until the events of the Extra Story happen but they're mostly jn the background (well, runaway's at the forefront of things but guide's chilling at home).

and so there's a brief overview of some of the major things about my longing cult yuri ocs! i love them dearly and really need to draw them soon,,,,

[literalite]

can you share some backstory or head cannons on the roomies if you havent already

OF COURSE HEHE ok so i have a bit of stuff written here and somewhere else but i literally lost it so i'll elaborate a bit more under the cut

ok so zoe patel (she/her bi trans woman) mitchell kalani (he/him bi cis man) gavin richards (he/him gay cis man) j huntington iii (he/they queer something something)

i think the gang met in their first year of uni! they were all randomly assigned dorm mates (zoe hadn't really cracked her egg yet) that clicked wayy better then anyone ever expected them to - so went from strangers to life long friends within like. six months. between the four of them i think only j came into the uni being an out and proud gay person while the rest of them slowly were working themselves out. zoe was in the arts, gavin into compsci, mitchell bounces around the english/history departments but eventually drops out and j was in sociology until he dropped out

mitchell and gavin sort of had a casual on and off again nonexclusive friends with benefits going on while j was cutting ABSOLUTELY loose with his newfound freedom and zoe was busy figuring herself out. they applied to keep living together and got what they wanted ehe so they stayed together for two more years until j dropped out of uni entirely to pursue other career paths (in my head hes big on social media as sort of a comedian/influencer lmfao) and zoe even though she was starting to transition decided to stay with the guys for another year because they're her friends <3

after that they moved out of uni housing and rented a house together. j moved back in after they broke up with his most recent boytoy. mitchell drops out uni at this point and goes through several different odd jobs and his and gavin's relationship starts getting a bit more serious. zoe finishes her arts teacher degree at some point and gavin finishes his compsci one. they do move out of the shared house eventually and lead separate lives but they are all really close friends :')

gavin and mitchell work out their shit and do properly start dating for real and zoe dates a handful of people throughout uni and beyond but i do know in my head and heart who The One is for her. to be clear it's not j he is like. self proclaimed radioactive waste toxic. a really good friend but a terrible like genuinely awful boyfriend. will forget your name in 20 minutes will start scrolling grindr in front of you

if u want any more specific stuff then just ask!! these guys mean a bunch to me :')

[selamat-linting]

if yall think that department store job is bad wait until you hear about the stock broker job i almost had.

so, i recently turned 19 at the time and was desperate for employment. there's this walk-in interview ad on the local job site. i went there, hand in my resume, and without looking at my file the HR told me im accepted for a three day training program. it should be a red flag, but i came in anyway.

our trainer is a man in a fancy suit. the first thing he said other than the over-excited greeting was thanks. thanks for not believing the naysayers who said this job is a scam.

i might be stupid, but im not stupid enough to ignore that. immediately i was hyper aware of everything this trainer was doing and saying. our first day was all motivational speeches and bombarding everyone who dared to question their scheme with noises and covert shaming so they'd get in line. the actual product we're selling, the daily operation, he either sidesteps the question or explain it in such a vague nothingburger way that you couldnt understand it. at least they gave us free lunch though.

when i get home, i began looking up the name of the company. theyre formally certified as a broker company, but its hard to find an actual job desc or the benefits. there's even accounts of costumers who felt theyre getting scammed out of the whole deal. i still came in the next day.

i dont know what i was thinking tbh. i guess there is a part of me who wished it was all a misunderstanding, or a part of me who thinks i can actually make a sale and get money despite the circumstances, and a part of me who wants to convince myself that im not a quitter. i was a mess. i went on my second day, and at least a quarter of people are gone. we did our training, this time we're taught how to trade stocks, using software we barely understand with principles we dont even get. and ofc when we get the job, the money we use for trading would be our customers' money.

during break time, they told us to get comfortable with the workers who have been there for months. i was friendly with them, but i realized they're the ones i could actually get a straight answer from. i basically cornered and made one of them to admit this is a job with no base pay, just a commission scheme. and some havent closed anything for months since the day they start working. i admit, i did it for myself, but i hope other people who enrolled in training with me heard it too.

it was then i made the decision to drop out. dont get me wrong, commission only jobs are a standard practice for a lot of sales industry, and i respect people who do the hustle. actually, i might even try it one day if (big IF here) im skilled and financially stable enough to weather the rough months. but its wrong for that company to avoid explaining that aspect especially when the job is convincing people to fund your trading business and you cant even educate your workers on the product properly! its predatory and scammy as fuck.

and for years after that sometimes i hear a story of a coworker who tried their luck. all of them failed. well, one girl i know manage to close a deal. except she got screwed by her seniors and she didnt get her earnings. one guy i know even end up drowning in debt because of that job. but then again, i dont feel sorry for him because i overheard him confessed to raping a girl at a party once so he deserved it lol!

anyway, the office of that trading company was soon shut down around 2020. i heard they got sued, or they cant pay the rent for the building, im not sure. they were closed though. and everyone who knows that place but doesnt work there, recognized they have a not so stellar reputation. however, they recently reopened under a new name. different company name, same business model. thats capitalism.

[k-ru-h]

theres something to be said about inherent human kindness and art and all that

i had an absolute trainwreck of a day and an hour long gap between classes, so i decided to plop by the local art store thats too far away from my home but maybe a 10min walk from school. they had really good prices and i wanted to buy the pretty pastel watercolors for myself and my friend, to make the day less miserable.

the storeworker, a kind-looking old man (surely at least in his 60s), picked up all the aquarelle boxes, saying he didnt want me, a seemingly abled person, to have to kneel on the floor to look at them. and he told me how he doesnt stock all the colors but he explained to me in detail, umprompted, how to order them for myself, with or without paying him. and he told me how hes owned this store for 28 years and hasnt changed locations (despite the location being horrible) because hes genuinely attached to this one. this shitty, tiny little hole in the wall place with no AC or even proper ventilation. and he started talking about his days as an artist, and all the incredible people he met, and how stores from the capital monopolizing certain brands ruined his once proud selection of products, and how to properly use watercolor paper, how to use distilled water and stick to one paper brand and how his personal dream is to get his hands on the aquarelles created only by and for that one russian college, and he treated me, a fucking infant baby child (18) whos been doing aquarelles for like two days (4 years) as a genuine peer and worthy conversation partner. and i almost started crying from the genuine love i felt for him.

and the day after, i got hungry between classes and decided to stop by the bakery. the bakery itself is overpriced - for the same price as other ones, you get maybe half the product. and its been closed for tax fraud maybe a month ago.

and this storeworker is an elder woman - not as old as the artist, but surely near or in her 50s - and she sometimes wears the bracelet i made her. the other students call her the "empress" of the store (named "empress"). she is the only reason i go there, and i only go when shes working the shift. at first it was because of the free food shed give us. shed always toss in a few cookies, she even remembered my favorite, and shed wish you a "royal" day (pun intended). soon, we started going there outside of the rush hours, and actually talking to her. her dream has always been to be an opera singer, but this is a poor country, and she has a sickly mother and a son who lives abroad to take care of. but she told us she found her fulfilment in work through the kindness she spread - not just the free food, but the compliments and kind words. and i almost cry every time i remember she didnt know she was so loved by the students. when i told her everybody only goes there for her, she actually didnt believe me, and when i noticed she dyed her hair (we now have similar haircolors!), she put it down and posed in front of the little hanging mirror with the biggest smile ive ever seen on her.

and i havent seen this person lately, im assuming because i havent been to one of the two places she frequents and she, probably, has, but theres this wonderful woman - i cant tell if shes old or worn down by hard work and stress - who always has the most vibrant, colorful jewelry and carries a little cardboard box.

and she approached me one day, i was going to meet up with some friends to talk about lord of the rings, and she stopped me to tell me how beautiful my hand made jewelry was. and she was holding a puppy under one arm, almost cartoonishly, and told me all about how she used to have a jewlery stand right here in this street. all of the money shes ever made shes invested in taking care of stray cats and dogs. even if it meant shed go hungry, she always made sure the animals she took care of were fed and warm and happy. but the stand was closed because of tax issues, and no cop was sympathetic towards the little kitten or puppy shed always take with her, so she was forced to make ends meet however she could and beg for money or pet food donations. and this wasnt her pressuring me for money - i hadnt even brought my wallet that day, i had my phone and some tea. this was her genuinely just wanting to stop and compliment me, and being delighted to have someone to talk to, and whenever i see people treat her like dirt i want to cry.

my point is, i met a painter and a singer and a craftsman, and all of them were the kindest people ive ever met. and i don't really look approachable, i usually only get hateful looks in public, but these three people, with far more experience than me, just genuinely wanted to talk about the things they cared about, and what they create, and i think creation makes you kinder. i think painting and singing and crafting, no matter if its a life long profession, a dream, or a failed venture, makes you more than the summ of all your parts. or something cringe like that idfk

[thegeminisage]

ok, i got about an hour and a half to play some zelda!!! i'm in rito village cuz i got my frog armor. my map says there's a chasm here so i'm gonna get some korok seeds and see if i can find it

god i miss kass.

i havent ben back here since i did the wind temple, so there's a lot of sidequests lol

ok, i NEVER would have found that chasm without help. the opening into the cave is SO tiny

off to a fantastic start. landed by a yiga hideout AND a lightroot!!

oh! it's isolated! i guess that makes sense cuz in the overworld it's surrounded by water. i was gearing up to do some Depths Exploring though, i kinda miss it??

i notice mineru didn't meet me. so she really is only in one little section until i do the dungeon. blegh

oh, it's not a proper yiga hideout, there's just a diary. something about a weapon with blue stone. PLEEEEASE be a timeshift stone please please please (guy who knows it wont actually be a timeshift stone)

CRYSTALLIZED ZONAI SHOP LETS FUCKING GOOO

aw and a schema stone

siren call of the depths: i kinda wanna explore more. i was gonna go back up to rito village and knock out some of those sidequests but fuck it

as with the overworld i have a lot of the eastern section knocked out and have barely touched the western half. so i guess i'll go clean up in the east. unfortunately i have not been marking ANY of my boss encounters bc i didnt want to look at this map too closely so i'll probably wind up doing them all again lol

i don't know, am i taking some of the joy of exploration out of the depths by looking at this map early? i guess so, but i don't want to forge on without it, and the internet has spoiled me for the whole thing anyway. besides, they're not detailed enough that you can really tell what it'll look like once you get there. i think some surprises will still remain

i am going to turn on hands i think lol. that's one surprise i DON'T want, not down here

i guess if things get too hairy or tedious i always have my bike...it's been so long since i learned about them, yet since then i've barely set foot down here at all. i was doing koroks. so it's been a REALLY long time since i've properly explored down here.

tiny dark spot by hateno so im starting there. warped to a nearby root and found the two new ones i need pretty much instantly without even using the spoiler map - they were just hidden behind a wall

i read somewehre that the weapons the ghost soldiers hold for you, the unrotted ones, will only be weapons you've already broken above. which is stupid cool but then WHYYY do i never get royal broadswords...they're my favorites...

another mine...i guess that's to be expected. why do they all have the names of the cities above though? like, hateno didn't exist throughout the ages, it wasnt in oot or whatever. you can't tell me every city in hyrule is 10,000 years old. i guess lin's sheikah slate is naming the mines and using the names of the villages it knows? but IT'S 10,000 years old too. i love totk but the way it breaks the lore is so fucking frustrating, especially since i was finally excited about the lore actually being COHESIVE for the first time after skyward sword.

ooh, this diary mentions a hidden yiga academy behind a waterfall in gerudo...i've been spoiled a bit for that questline too but i feel better that i found the tip organically

oh. i found a "researcher" lol

LMAOOOO she's asking me to pick my own demise. incred

good GOD what is that...i shouldn't have answered...i picked burny bc i actually hate freezy more but what in the name of god

i mean i killed her basically instantly but that was a little alarming! i wish i got a schema stone for one of THOSE

MORE refinery shopping. i already have enough for one battery upgrade and i'm close to getting a second

oop yeah there's upgrade #2

and another schema stone!

ok, doubling back to check and old map mark i missed...

GLOOM TREES BAD

oh it's cap of the sky! i actually already have one of those lol but i can sell this one

ok, let's see...there's a tiny dark spot under gut check rock, so i'll get that next...

i have like. 630 arrows lol and it's a good thing too bc i got spotted by a monster camp and just took them out from a tree

zonaite really isnt hard to collect...like, at first having to get 4000+ to max your battery seemed impossible. but the hard part is that the refineries don't sell a lot at once so you either have to warp around or wait to turn it all in lol

i like how weather attack makes food useful again? like i stopped making food to help me with heat or cold bc i had armor...BUT i can't have armor to defend me from the elements AND the attack up from the elements at the same time. if i want both, i need food for one or the other! it's very clever. now i need to be more mindful when cooking instead of just doing the same health and stamina refills over and over

i really hate how hard the lava air effect makes it to fucking SEE down here. jesus

killed a flux construct. sick nice etc

found a proper yiga hideout >:)

minecart tracks??? i want a cart too... :(

sadly lacking in cart to cart combat. 0/10 stars

ok, working my way down towards the spring of power. i want those bargainer statues lol

i like exploring the depth a lot better when shit is lit up. i didn't realize until now but it's exhausting not to be able to see ANYTHING. i think that's why i got so tired of it so quickly before, even though i was also having fun poking around. finding one light point after another is fun and that requires darkness but it's also really difficult to navigate the terrain when you can't see AND there's gloom

found my mf statue. i cant believe i walked right past these before...you wouldn't know they're there unless you're looking :/

YESSSSS HOOD OF THE DEPTHS...finally.................

i had almost 700 poes so i had plenty to buy with lol

ANOTHER yiga hideout!! have i done this one?? it looks familiar...

oh yep lmao i sure have. bummer. at least i can mark it off my map :/

ok, thats all i have time for!!!

[goblinrockcandy]

hey guys im BACK baby and i have some words

here are links so you can still find everything, but be wary that these links are probably gonna break any minute when i start moving everything around. lets hope i can remember to fix them and that i dont take a year to get to doing that: ARCHIVE    MY ART    OTHER ORGANIZATION TAGS

IM STILL ALIVE. i like to think that i never rlly left, but I havent posted in a damn while and part of that is because life stuff caught up with me and moreso because uhhhhhh Well im not quite satisfied with the way my blogs formatted right now, it makes posting and organizing and navigating harder than it has to be and it makes it Not Fun to post things.

SO. what we're gonna do is revamp things a lil bit. we're fucking doing this we are Making It Happen. what this'll do is itll make it easier for me to post things without having to remember every silly tag and rule i have set up here, and ill also just have a bit more of a laid-back and fun kinda art blog. i tried to do an elaborate tagging system, but MAN i am too forgetful for that.

so im just gonna keep it simple. character, fandom, content warnings, and maybe some other flavourtags. the sorts of things thatll make it easier for me to just pop up a quick drawing on even a busy day without having to go through a silly step by step process on how to tag things. because i love sharing my art and posting :)) but not so much when it is difficult </3

but hell who knows how thisll go after i reboot my bloggo. i think she was due for some maintenance for a long while. *pats the sidebar like you would soothe an agitated horse* there there girl, its gonna be alright. maybe ill even start making... casual posts? text posts? things like that??? damn Maybe.

im also gonna private some organization posts until i can properly wrangle then and sort out their kinks and oddities, and im gonna disable my blog theme for a bit. when i get a braincell on how to do an html and a css properly, THEN i can have a pretty theme. in the meantime, ill probably just set myself up with one of the tumblr defaults.

anyways. *ahem* for anyone who doesnt know me and this is their first stumble upon my blog while i move things around. feel free to click the read more if you want to subject yourself to the silliest introduction i could make for myself possible.

hi. i like to draw but lately my art skills have been a bit shakey, i think im out of practice so im probably gonna start out doing some studies. my styles and designs for characters are always changing, but lately ive been trying to cement some designs that are in my brain Onto Paper.

im goblinrockcandy but you can call me GRC if that's a mouthful (thats what i call me because i do not have time for 5 syllables). im a Knight of Heart and sometimes that gets shortened to KoH and so sometimes people call me koh. now KOH is also the chemical formula for potassium hydroxide, but no one calls me that (a real shame, it flows right off the tongue and i think its a lovely set of sounds), but potassium hydroxide also goes by another name and that is lye. so sometimes people call me lye. i don't have a name so if you want to refer to me you have to get creative or pick up my blog by the scruff of its handle like a really ugly cat and point at it and say "this motherfucker right here".

same goes for pronouns. my pronouns are none/applicable. you gotta BE CREATIVE if you want to refer to me... pronouns are a crutch. they were your training wheels and now im the final boss. you have to fight me with your other words, this is what you have been training for.......

im trans queer person of colour, painfully unfunny and addicted to bad jokes, and i love homestuck. my faves switch up every once in a blood moon but right now i really fuckin love jake english. you might have discerned that by the very subtle hints of I talk about Him all the time & dirt striber avatar.

[rablunt]

ive just started reading edward said’s “the question of palestine” because i want to try and understand a bit more whats going on outside of the obvious atrocities, and after reading the first chapter and introduction i looked up his name because i think its important to know where a text like this is coming from more or less and at the top was this article written in april about the columbia pro-palestine protests and the whole thing was pretty wild, felt more like mongering than analysis, but theres this one part i haven’t stopped thinking of since i read it yesterday.

basically (i havent read it yet so this is going off whats presented in the article) said reviewed “exodus and revolution” and argued that the canaanites where the true exiles saying that the more you do exodus politics the more canaanites will try to bang on the walls keeping them out of “what is, after all, partly their world too”

the article then goes “yeah this claim is reasonable but it erases the threat of violence present within it!” which uh. no it doesnt. the claim is that when you exile people from what was their shit theyre gonna try and get it back. the extremity of the canaanites measures is in proportion to the degree of their forced separation.

and then the article goes and says also the bible says the canaanites were child sacrificers and lawless destroyers so there! which is so genuinely crazy as a gotcha to me i could write another four paragraphs on it alone i cant stop thinking about it but sparknotes analysis is:

1) the “canaanites” are a transparent allegory for palestinian’s today

2) the hebrew bible is a jewish text written by jews across hundreds of years based roughly on actual events w the goal to sanctify and validate jewish thought and narratives

3) the very next line after saying the bible tells us canaanites are totes evil is the guy straight up calling columbia palestine protesters canaanites whove penetrated the walls of columbia

∴ the text written to validate kicking out the people already living there by calling them barbaric heathens so it may be returned to its “rightful people” is being used to parallel the situation today by both a palestinian and a (i feel confident in assuming) zionist but the latter plays it totally straight

more than anything i’m baffled, i cant even properly put into words what i think about this because it is just such astounding logic the requires willful misinterpretation to work and even then it doesn’t even spin

[normalestgirlblog]

UPDATE

so i kind of have a new boy

hes older which scares me in a lot of ways

not that much older like 2 years im being dramatic

but obviously like high school me is flipping shit bc i was so in love with so many of the boys 2 years above me like i was actually obsessed with them and they were kind of like the last era of boys i was obsessed with when i used to be boy crazy

and when i say i used to be boy crazy I USED TO BE FUCKING INSANE AND DELUSIONAL

like a boy would ask me the time and i would think about it for a month type delusional

and atp all my friends were like hooking up / like fucking and everyone thought i was a lesbian, which may have been my fault whoops. i ruined my chances with girls because i may have been a little pyscho to my first girl but she was also fucking crazy in my defense. and then i ruined my chances with guys because everyone thought i was a lesbian bc bitches did not know that bisexuality was an actual thing

anyways

i was just obsessed with boys without even knowing them and it was always the ones like 2 years above me, 3 years was too far, and 1 year was too close plus they were not nearly as cute as the boys 2 years above me. like my art class was fucking incredible for me. although as soon as u get to know them it gets like problematic and i lose feelings. like i was properly obsessed with this boy in my art class, and one day we did this exercise where basically we had to talk about people that we hated. and literally out of nowhere he was like I hate Colin Kaepernick, which like is just so inherently horrible on so many levels. i get that he was like an army boy, he ended up going to west point and like whatever army boys are really sensitive about that stuff. But wtf like 1 that was the first name u came up with and 2 you are so fucking dense that you cant see how thats a problematic thing to say and 3 if you are so invested into this hatred did you at least take the time to understand why he did it. the answer to that last one is def not, because if he did he wouldnt have said that. i didnt even know that people like werent on his side. maybe im close minded to conservatives but like what the hell. Either way my crush was kind of obliterated into a million pieces, i would argue that my heart broke that day during art class.

obviously i would have heart wrenching crushes on people in other grades, but that grade was so good, so mysterious, so like lively and just very obsessable. People in my grade were so outwardly horrible that it was very hard to sustain an obsession on anyone.

however, the reason i havent had an obsession like crush on anyone since then except for this boy and he who shall not be mentioned, might be because i started smoking consistently after this era. and it kind of filled the hole where obsession existed and fed off my romantic ideals and delusional mind. weed like just made me not think or delude myself into liking people that were not good for me or anyone. and honestly if it also filled the hole of insecurity and all of the other stupid reasons i got suspended that wouldve been great too. it made me not care about delusional shit but did not fix me in the ways that i needed. it was never enough. fuck. and now that i dont smoke im getting fucking obsessed with boys again. it feels good but obviously also feels horrible because of the amount of panic attacks and insecurity that comes with liking a fucking boy.

liking a girl isnt much better, i also went crazy doing shit like that, but i havent done that in a while either. its worse to have an obsession with a guy that you know and are actively talking to. because you are just as delusional while they are making u feel bad about yourself to your face, and its not intentional but its not accidental. men are just manipulative creatures that have developed methods of getting what they want from women by playing into these fucking fantasies. that we are socially bred to have. like if i wasnt surrounded by notions of romance and loving a man despite his many many faults, and that my self-worth comes from having sex and being with a man, i would not be this fucked up over a fucking man.

And it honestly makes it worse that I know all of this, and I am still behaving like this. like i see the problem, i understand it, where it came from, why it exists, how it subjugates me and the women even gay women around me. there is still this compulsory subservience of men that is translated into this want and need for their attention and approval and validation. its so fucking twisted. and yet i find myself wanting them, needing them, allowing them into my heart and stomach and blood and brain and just letting them fuck all of my shit up. WHY. its not like i am stupid. i think. but like why. im miserable with them and im miserable without them. maybe im the problem?

i wonder what its like to be a man, to have this much power over women.

wait i got so off topic im just realizing. idk how it is possible but every single one of my posts turns into something depressing and existential. but i am actually happy. i do feel like im going a little bit crazy over the situation, and i am also still leading on the other girl bc i just cant bring myself to break her heart. but new obsession helping me get over old obsession and thats all a girl can really ask for.

however

i am not sure how in detail i can get abt sexual things on this app these days, but i need to get this out because it is bothering me. we were hooking up whatever and he was like i dont have a condom. obviously because i am easy and didnt suspect him to be a whore i was like oh lol thats fine idc. but then he was like oh i dont want to without a condom. which i know is normal and like very healthy but my mind is like a fucking maze of possibilities. one, that he thinks i have an std which is possible since i told him i havent used a condom in a while whoops. two, that he has an std, but we did other things that would make me not believe that. three, that he is really that nervous about getting me pregnant or stds in general, which in that case i would begin to question how nervous he is as a person and whether or not hes being really normal and im the freak, or the cautiousness of that act means something else. either way, im a fucking psychopath and no matter what anyone does im going to think of all the worst possibilities of what something could mean. this is why i like doing this and like unloading all of my thoughts because i get to see how anxious i truly am like i feel so fucking self aware right now its almost turning me on.

i dont think hes a freak, i think hes really normal. i am probably the freak that i find that really odd. also his body is so hard. its nice. and his face, but the beard scruff thing going on left my face RED.

im also completely overthinking all of it becasue it is unfortunately impossible for us to continue whatever has just been started because he is MOVING TO FUCKING SPAIN. fucker. its like he doesnt even care about me. im having a salvatore moment i suspect, and after its over a california moment. if i reference all of my romantic inclinations in terms of lana del rey songs it helps me like process them. still waiting for my groupie love <3