Really sorry guys but I’m all out of forehead kisses today😔
All I’ve got instead is mentally cradling your face and resting our foreheads together and reminding you that you are good, that you deserve love and kindness, that you’re welcome here, that i care about you and i hope you’re doing okay
Yeah sorry idk if that makes up for it….sorry for the inconvenience….
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I went to my first plant swap and man. It was WILD.
Keep in mind I heard about the plant swap a little over 24 hours before it was happening. I have no plants to exchange, I barely even have seedlings yet. But I do have a bunch of seeds so I decide to roll up and see what I can do.
Its from 2 to 5. I show up at 2:12 and its mostly houseplants. But the local library branch has a tent and they’re letting people check out some gardening books they brought if they have a library card on them!
So I checked out “Seedswap: The gardener’s guide to saving and swapping seeds” by Josie Jeffery!
Woohoo!
(They also told me that if I want the library to set up seed libraries I should email showing interest because a lot of librarians have suggested it but public interest is needed 👀 special reminder to email/contact your local library about adding seed libraries if you haven’t got one already!)
I considered leaving but I decide to hang around and see if anyone else comes around with stuff that’s more my fancy (no disrespect to people who like houseplants but I have a 99% killrate with them and they’re just not my vibe) and
Y’all
I obtained a Boxcar tomato, a Blackberry Lily, a variegated pepper, a hibiscus cutting, loofah seeds, okra seeds, and FOUR (4!!!!) peach tree seedlings!!!
HELLO??????
I spent like 6 bucks total (1 on a peach tree seedling, 5 on the pepper) and the rest was just seed trades (or the peach tree lady just… giving me more peach trees for being nice. Be nice to the elderly you might get peach trees out of it.) I was there for like an hour and a half TOPS.
(I had to pot up the peach tree seedlings myself but this is still a W in my book lets see if they survive)
So uh
WOOHOO
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After everything that happened the sweetest thing Orellia has actually said to Julia was probably when she was sitting at her kitchen table and was ‘I miss your hair’
Like okay cool just go ahead and admit you miss the past
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so fun fact about me before i go to sleep (it is so so late. i got too focused on making my sims sexy i forgot about the time and now. the quencies). i have this weird habit like. when im gaming or drawing or doing smth else i often talk to myself or like. say it in my head but basically i imagine that im actually streaming and im talking to my viewers so it's like im going "how are we feeling about this chat" or "hi chat today we're doing this". and i often feel like i can actually "see" or "hear" some of the comments in my head (i am so normal btw. this is definitely not a symptom at all) and i reply to them and idk it sounds weird and i understand how dumb it is but it actually helps me feel better.
so i was playing ts4 rn and i was like "hey any (character name) simps in the chat wanna help me pick out clothes for him" and i was again "seeing" comments in my head and laughing and then. i heard a voice that sounded a lot like one of my headmates' and she was like "he's kinda cute tho :D".
needed a moment. and then went "ah. ah okay. okay it all makes sense now"
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okay if i'm honest, i do really wanna write chiyo sacrificing herself for someone bc she'd do it so?? intentionally and thoughtlessly. intentional in the way that if she has the time, she'd consider the odds, and if the odds weren't in her loved one's favor? she'd change them, even at the cost of her own life. i say thoughtlessly, too, bc she wouldn't give much thought to anything else but her loved one's safety. it might cross her mind briefly that she's gonna die, but it's kinda like... well, would that be so bad if they live in the end?
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also this replay as Chronos is my ‘official’ worldstate for this now because i’ve been going back and forth on. Choices
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I hate that they are still friends with them. I've been at the point in my anger that I do want them to be miserable, at least a little bit, cause I'm still fucking thinking about this almost daily, they should still be experiencing that pain too.
Of course I'm also getting my comeuppance for how I treated E. Probably feeling a lot of the same feelings as them, hating that people are still friends with the people who wronged you. Or she's more emotionally mature then me and doesn't feel that way at all, or at least not as long as I am. Which is likely.
I want to stop caring so bad. I hate the amount of emotional energy I'm constantly giving to this hurt. They don't deserve even that much of my thoughts.
But if I can't move on from them right now, then I think I should work on forgiving MGH. Freeing up some old emotional burdens at least..... things to tell my therapist....
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