#i hope that i could express the theme of loss this song carried throughout

[coffeeforkai]

characters inspired by songs, part three.

this is a character inspired by: kit chan's 天冷就回来 🎧

for: my friend lettie @violetsinsummer <3

song reqs are open!

introducing: fern.

this is a story for the wistful, a character made on reminiscence.

as fern sits by the window with her cat on what seems like a perfectly normal day, she catches a glimpse of the first snowflake of the season. she finds it funny how even after all these years, something as frail as a snowflake has the power to make all those memories seem not too distant.

the first memory is of her mother - the woman who seemed to find the most joy in listening to songs on the radio. her mother's face while bidding her goodbye to go out to the city to study was still etched onto fern's memory. her eyes were as beautiful as ever, and her voice so sweet when she said, "come home if the world outside is too cold." this conversation with her mother would end up being the last one. it seemed as if her childhood flew away to the stars with her mother.

the second memory is of her best friend. he was ambitious, but he didn't believe in dreams. "don't overexert yourself, don't drive yourself over the edge", he used to say. but who knew that this was exactly what he was doing. "come back home and don't wander outside in the cold", he said, but he never came back home. it seemed as if her adolescence flew away to the skies with her best friend.

the third memory, perhaps the most significant, is of her husband. he felt like spring, he felt like the ray of hope after a harsh winter. "come back home when it's too cold outside, please", she said to him. she didn't hear from him after that. that accident may have taken her husband away from her, but she was still waiting. maybe the day when she would have to go to find him by herself would come soon.

she was awakened from this state of trance by the sound of one of her cats dropping the flower vase and breaking it. oh, how pretty those daffodils looked. she looked out the window and saw that there was already a significant amount of snow outside. she was grateful for winter. the chill, the mist, always helped her to acknowledge the memories of these people who shaped her. surely, she would meet them again. but for now, she was happy for the little things which were capable of giving her this feeling of love she was all too familiar with.

this is a story on reminiscence, a character made for the wistful.

[sleeptokeninterpretations]

Sleep Token’s “Take Me Back To Eden” and the five stages of grief

So I have had an idea for a possible interpretation for the album Take Me Back To Eden and as far as I have seen an interpretation with this idea has only been provided for Sundowning so far so I figured I’d give it a try.

Essentially what I’m seeing as a possible interpretation is Take Me Back To Eden expressing the five stages of grief after a suicide of a loved one, in particular a romantic partner. How I came to this idea? Let’s have a look.

TW: we will deal with the topics death, suicide and grief here.

Denial

Why would a song about death and grieving begin with two songs that sound more like an offering (see what I did there) to a lover rather than a sad song?

I think there are two reasons why the album starts with these songs. One of them is the stage of denial. When grieving, many people either feel numb or ever carry on like nothing ever happened in an attempt to ignore the issue. Both Chokehold and The Summoning can be seen as attempts to write about a passed loved one like nothing ever happened.

However I believe there is another reason. Throughout the album we watch the speaker go through a variety of emotions caused by the loss of a loved one. By starting the album with Chokehold and The Summoning, we are to understand how intense the relationship between the speaker and their lover was so we can empathise better with the emotions displayed in the course of the album.

Anger

Moving on to the second stage, anger, which is dealt with in Granite.

Now if you’ve wondered why I think the album might be about grieving after a suicide specifically, the explanation for this is mainly found in songs expressing anger. We will get back to this when talking about anger within the stage of depression but we can find some references in Granite already. It appears that the speaker is mad at their lover for not expressing their feelings before their death. Specifically “we’d rather be six feet under than be lonely” suggests that the loved one has not expressed their negative feelings out of fear the speaker might leave them. A similar theme is dealt with in the line “You say you want me but you know I’m not what you need”.

Bargaining

See, with Aqua Regia and Vore it gets a little bit tough and I definitely find it hard to find lines actually referring to this state but we’ll work with it.

I think Aqua Regia could be understood as the speaker offering to go through the same pain as their loved one in an attempt to get them back, kind of like “come back, I’ll be in pain with you”.

Vore goes in a similar direction, the speaker is trying to make themselves relatable (“Are you in pain like I am”), hoping that this might bring their loved one back.

Again this is very brief (and analysing Aqua Regia has always given me a headache) so I will keep it at this.

Depression

We enter the fourth stage, depression. This is by far the longest stage with five whole songs, which quite naturally shows how grief isn’t linear.

Ascensionism is a whole emotional ride on it’s own and can almost be seen as a trip through different stages within the grieving process.

I would still consider this to be part of the depressive stage. “Anything’s better than the way I feel right now” definitely suggest this.

Lines like “you make me wish I could disappear” might feel a little out of place here as they seem to be directed at a person who has hurt the speaker, however I believe the line is to be understood as “by disappearing out of my life, you make me wish I could disappear”.

Though as mentioned before, Ascensionism is a whole ride on its own and I will definitely write an interpretation on this song alone at some point.

Next we have Are You Really Okay?, definitely one of the main reasons that led me to this interpretation in the first place.

Here we have the speaker clearly expressing desperation and helplessness (“I want to help you but I don’t know how”) and we are confronted with the speaker being well aware of their lover’s mental struggles way before their death. The lyrics of this song are also the main reason I believe the album is dealing with grief after a suicide specifically since here we have a bunch of references to mental health struggles.

Now for The Apparition and DYWTYLM we can see an interesting shift in the feelings. If we stick to the 5 stages of grief we would still be in the stage of depression, however we can see the speaker circling back to anger.

It’s important to know that the stages of grief are to be understood as a “guideline” to what grief can look like when we observe people dealing with illness or loss, yet they do not necessarily have to appear in this exact order, grief is rarely linear.

Additionally we need to understand that a less commonly known symptom of depression is anger, so the anger expressed by the speaker can be understood as a symptom of the depressive state rather than a separate stage.

The Apparition seems to deal with the speaker (day-)dreaming about their loved one, however they keep circling back to reality and realise that those dreams are only based on memories and events that no longer can happen in the present.

Examples for this would be lines like “Why are you never real”, “But I know you will disappear just as I awake” or “Loaded dreams still leave me empty”.

What we can see here quite well is a combination of depression and anger. The speaker is angry with their passed loved one, they basically yell at them to finally leave their thoughts and stop haunting their dreams. At the same time they express the depression and feeling of emptiness that those dreams leave them with.

Now DYWTYLM continues the theme of depression in combination with anger while switching the topic. The speaker now asks for answers on questions that potentially deal with the suicide of their loved one. Simultaneously the speaker understands the death as an offense against themselves, they assume that their loved one has expressed a lack of love for the speaker by ending their own life.

Two things are important here. One, this does not mean that the speaker is self centred, it does not even mean they genuinely hold this belief. Looking for the “bad guy” is a very natural process in grieving, essentially the brain is trying to provide answers to questions that cannot actually be answered. Two, while the song is titled DYWTYLM and therefore the focus is easily on the emotion of anger, I don’t believe this is the actual focus here. Rather than that we can look at all the questions in the verses like “Do you pull at the chains? Or do you push into constant aching?” or “Is there something you give? That you will never receive in return?” While the anger in lines like “maybe not that you conceal your feelings, they just don’t exist” cannot and should not be ignored, I believe the main theme here is the speaker making an attempt at understanding the emotions that eventually caused the death. Furthermore the speaker briefly expresses their own sadness specifically in the line “my reflection just won’t smile back at me like I know it should”.

Lastly for the fourth stage we have Rain.

I put this under the stage of depression but I do think there is a good reason this is the last song in this stage.

The speaker is looking back on their love “the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me” but we are still slowly fading into the stage of acceptance.

The last line in the bridge “When I open my eyes to the future I can hear you say my name” could be seen as an expression for the very common phrase “they would want you to move on”.

When the speaker thinks about the future, he imagines his lover guiding them a way into said future.

Acceptance

We now enter the stage of acceptance with the last two songs and I believe acceptance refers to two different things in this case, accepting one’s own feelings and finally the actual death.

In Take Me Back To Eden, the speaker mostly attempts at validating their own feelings. In the first verse, they let themselves indulge in memories of the past, in the second verse they express how they have been experiencing the journey of grieving.

One line I want to talk about in particular can be found in the third verse.

“That we’ve no idea what we’ve got until we lose it and no amount of love will keep it around if we don’t choose it.”

I think this is such a powerful way to express both the fear of not having appreciated the significant other while they were alive and the realisation that the speaker themselves can’t be blamed, the death of their loved one was not to be prevented by the speaker just loving their partner more.

Last but not least, let’s move over to Euclid.

We have to understand the death of a loved one does not mean one has moved on entirely. One can simultaneously accept while still being desperate, sad or helpless.

“Give me five whole minutes” may refer to the feeling of wanting to relive the time experienced with the person just a little bit longer. Generally the first verse refers to this exact feeling, getting lost in one’s memories and wanting back the old times just a little longer. If we think about lines like “Give me one last ride on a sunset sky lane”, we can see the speaker almost begging their lost love to come back for just a little bit. This could also be connected to a very common feeling in the process of grief, where one wants to go back to times with the loved one to experience the moments together more consciously.

“Call me when you get the chance, I can feel the walls around me closing in” appears to be the speaker wanting to talk to the loved person they lost while already being aware they won’t actually receive in an answer.

The second verse continues the theme of wanting back the loved one, however the speaker expresses the awareness that they are gone.

“I play along with the life signs anyway” seems to describe the process of slowly getting back into one’s daily life while slowly moving on from actively grieving.

Now as I already mentioned, moving back into your daily life and moving on, does not mean you entirely forget about the person.

“Yet in reverse, you are all my symmetry, a parallel I would lay my life on” can be understood as an attempt to express that the speaker does not want to forget about the person they lost, maybe they have learned a lot of valuable life lessons from that person and want to remember those things in their future life.

“Call me when you have the time, I just need to leave this part of me behind” basically concludes this feeling that has been building up over the second verse, the speaker clearly expresses that they feel the need to move on with their life.

Now for the sake of interpretation we are not going to look into the last verse being a reference to TNDNBTG and just look at lyrics on their own.

The first part of the lyrics once more shows the speaker reminiscing as in the line “We tangle endlessly, like lovers entwined”.

Now let’s have a look the last few lines.

“I know for the last time, you will not be mine, so give me the night.”

The speaker seems to reflect on their own process of grieving while also coming to terms with the fact that their loved one has passed away. They know they cannot be together like they used to be and are ready to go on with their life. “Give me the night” can be understood as an expression that the speaker is ready for new challenges, memories and experiences.

I obviously don’t know if this is the meaning intended by Vessel (if you ask my literature professor the meaning intended by the author doesn’t have to concern me either way).

However I think that it deepens the understand of songs like Are You Really Okay or Euclid and provides a rather new perspective on songs like DYWTYLM.

[outofwriteoutofmind]

Module 8 Assignment :Your Musical Theme

The theme I chose for my playlist is “Saying goodbye to a loved one”. Our deepest emotions are often addressed through music, which enables people to completely acknowledge, experience, and embrace them. Sometimes words are not enough to communicate a situation currently and music offers a means of expressing grief. It also allows individuals to interact with others that could be going through similar experiences. Listening to music about loss may help us create a logical sense of what we're going through and offers a sense of reassurance as we deal with our emotions. In addition, music comforts us in lonesome circumstances by encouraging us regardless of how unaccompanied we may feel, we are not alone in our sadness.

The first song that I chose was “I’ll be Missing You” by Puff Daddy and Faith Evans and the genre is Hip-hop/Rap. It was written in memory of Christopher Wallace and his widowed wife; Faith Evans created this tribute to him. It resulted in having a big impact on the world and helped obtain closure, with genuine lyrics and an expressive delivery. The melody of this song is very upbeat and musically satisfying. Even though it is about missing someone, it is a touching song that resonates with people dealing with loss.

The song “How Do I Say Goodbye” is a song written by Dean Lewis and the genre is Pop. It is about the approaching loss of his father who was diagnosed with cancer but is currently doing well. This song is very meaningful because he expresses how different his life would be without his father. This heartfelt song has a gentle beat that is also steady and allows the lyrics to be the main focus overall. It gives a comforting atmosphere that captivates the feeling of saying goodbye to a loved one.

The next song I chose is called “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Billie Joe Armstrong and it is Alternative Rock. It is about losing his father when he was 10 years old. The tempo is on the slower side, that is about 72 beats per minute. The song has a melancholic feel to it which is deepened by the gradual tempo permitting emotions to be felt. Some terms include grief, passage of time and tribute to his father. The balanced parts create a sense of relief and resolution, and the balance of consonance and dissonance adds depth to the song.

Another song I found is called “Go Rest High on That Mountain” by Vince Gill and it is a Country song. It is a very magnificent and touching song that captures the pain of saying goodbye. It also offers a sense of comfort and hope as well by resonating with a tough time in life. It has a slower and soft rhythm and a heartfelt ballad. The tempo of this song creates a reflective and powerful feeling that is gracefully emitted. The melody flows smoothly and gracefully in every note.

A Jazz song called “I'll Be Seeing You” by Billie Holiday is an amazing song that resonates with the topic of losing an important person. It is a sentimental song that conveys heartache and yearning for a loved one who is no longer present beside us. The lyrical part carries a significance of hope and although they have passed away, their remembrances will always be cherished. This song is different from the previously mentioned because it has a moderate tempo that sets a nostalgic mood by captivating bittersweet feelings for remembering that person.

The last song I chose is called “The Thrill is Gone” by B.B King and it is a Classical Blues song about the pain of losing someone and fading love. This one is distinct from the prior songs because it doesn’t speak on the loss of a loved one rather it is about them not having a bond together anymore. The singer’s voice is touching and the guitar being in the background has a compelling and moving experience. The lyrics show interpretations of misery and sadness when a relationship comes to an end. It has a verse-chorus patter that maintains throughout the song and his guitar solo adds a exquisite touch overall. At the end of the song, the final chorus has a comprehensive instrumental section and a fulfilling conclusion. The arrangement improves the listeners ability to enjoy the music and fully immerse themselves into the song’s impact.

Song Links:

"I'll Be Missing You"

"How Do I Say Goodbye"

“Wake Me Up When September Ends”

“Go Rest High on That Mountain”

"I'll Be Seeing You"

"The Thrill is Gone"

[eighthxjune]

aixa writes black people + love #2 community: A “World” Still Necessary

It was 1987 when A Different World premiered.  I was young, like not yet double digits, young.  Every Thursday night, at 8:30, my mom, dad, sister, brother and I gathered around the TV, belting out the show’s theme song by Phoebe Snow in season one, Aretha Franklin in seasons two through five, and Boyz II Men in its final episodes.  Those lyrics were soon my alma mater:

I know my parents loved me Stand behind me come what may I know now that I’m ready For I finally heard them say

It’s a different woorrrrrld than where ya come from

Hillman College was a pinnacle place for me.  It personified cultural identity, and as someone who grew up in a predominantly white suburban town, the only Black pupil until high school, it was majestic and I wanted to be there.  Hillman displayed the cool factor our culture exudes so effortlessly; highlighting our style, dialect, posture, passion, and purpose from every region of the country, the continent of Africa and the Caribbean.  This “world”, was different than where I came from, and it was beautiful.  It gave me hope that a place - outside of my own home - supportive, caring and nurturing existed.

I saw Black teachers champion students who didn’t see their own unique potential, and dorm directors give sage advice. Witnessed roommates with nothing in common become best friends, and confidants.  I got hyped, and danced when adamant voices rallied together until a donor ceased support of South Africa’s apartheid.  And understood what loyalty looked like when a friend rescued his homegirl from what nearly turned into a date rape.  I cheered on two Black men fighting the weapon of racial injustice brought upon by a rival school, and marveled in a student reclaiming the image of Aunt Jemima, realizing her imperial complexion was to be treasured.  I observed discoveries, rejections, failed attempts, triumphs and losses, and empathized as if they were my own, because honestly they were.  Hillman was a community, a Black community, our community, an extension of who I was, who I am.  At such a young age, it was introducing me to myself.  This “different world” was a reflection of my desires and dreams.  It was an aspirational exhibit of Black successes - a rarity shown in media. Hillman was a place that encouraged you to stretch your capacity of thought and understanding.  It valued unlearning stifled ways of thinking, to learning expansively and with zeal.

Debbie Allen, an HBCU alum of Howard University, and the show's brilliant producer, as of season two, understood the importance of telling Black stories with all of their complexities.  She used television as a tool to address what was most difficult and challenging about us.  “If we’re not doing that, we’re not doing a good job.”  She expressed to Netflix’s Strong Black Legends.  When brought on board she excitedly wrote a storyline for character Denise Huxtable (Lisa Bonet), who, at the time, was pregnant in real life.  She thought it would be great to present the experience of a young Black student from an upper middle class family, not married, about to embark on motherhood.  Though the idea got nixed by the show’s creator, Bill Cosby - who didn’t approve of Denise being pregnant in college - I wonder what her story would have developed into as a student mother, a credible notion, and one I’m certain would have advanced her role.  

See, at Hillman, students strived to be the best versions of themselves, and looked forward to reciprocating care to those who raised them.  But, even more vital, they knew their obligation to boost those who were succeeding them. They cherished their Blackness and its power.

The hub of the campus was The Pit - the school’s eatery that made an appearance in practically every episode.  It was where students solely exhaled after a day of grueling classes and friends merged to catch up on the latest of tales.  Conversations flowed candidly at this hangout and with comedic flair.  Everyone passed through the beloved grumpy owner, Mr Gaines’ (Lou Myers) spot.  Even my forever heartthrob, Tupac, made a stunning guest appearance as Piccolo, an old flame from Baltimore coming to put claims on his childhood love, Lena James (Jada Pinkett Smith).

Relationships played a significant part in character maturation at Hillman, and the love story that tugged at my heartstrings was Whitley and Dewayne, performed by Jasmine Guy and Kadeem Hardison.  Cleverly laced throughout the show’s entire series, we journeyed with a high maintenance southern debutante from Richmond, VA and a Brooklyn native in J’s and flip-up glasses, who got a perfect score on his math SATs.  Allen took us on an exciting ride while these two people - growing individually - were also hesitantly falling in love with each other.  It was the ingenious love story I needed, and subconsciously yearned for, even if I were only in the fifth grade.  How could I not gush over this attainable fairytale that spoke my love language. I kept twinkling at the idea that, ‘In just a few years, this college life will be a reality for me.’  

Although Hillman College was a fictional place, its impact tripled enrollment of Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  As you may have gathered by now, A Different World ignited my love for HBCUs, and then began my search in finding one most suitable for me; a place that served as a home and fostered my voice, since it was currently muffled, allowing others - who didn’t look like me - to feel comfortable in the presence of my Black skin.  By the time I got to high school I attended the Black College Tour, twice.  Not because I was having trouble finding a good school, but really I was in awe of the noteworthy offerings provided at these historically Black schools.  The curriculums were impressive, the faculty resembled me, and the alumni were groundbreakers.  I was visiting institutions that are irreplaceable.  There was so much to learn about myself, and it was to happen in this next phase.  During my visits, I watched students purposefully carry themselves across campus, greet friends with hugs and daps, expressively admire each other’s gear and hairstyles, pause on building steps to continue debatable class discussions, only to be interrupted by an eye-catching smile.  The exploration alone made my heart flutter, and shortly after I was back at home flexing in my new Black college apparel - showing off the schools I toured.  By senior year of high school I decided to attend Howard University in Washington, D.C. and it was more than I imagined it to be; finding me in a way I didn’t think it could.  It met me where I was and readied me to rule the world.

There have always been skeptics who find HBCUs to be limiting.  But, honestly there isn’t a place that will “teach you how to love and know yourself” like one - a necessary move after centuries of oppression; especially as a Black woman who receives bare minimum support when it comes to this country’s level of respect. These institutions encourage you to go inward and prepare yourself for life ahead, beyond Black communities.  On the backs of scarred ancestors, almost 200 years ago, HBCUs were created, reshaping American history.  Literally built by their hands, these Black forebears constructed a place to acquire a well desired education, and for once, as a majority, marked a setting where Black issues could be discussed. Despite what history instilled upon us, Black people were thriving and these HBCUs had a strong hand in making sure of that.

Howard University is a big part of my DNA, a connection made due to A Different World.  It’s not easy expressing to those who have never attended an HBCU how magical those four years were, and how much rich history is seeped in the campus soil.  However, the show is the best demonstration; restoring a feeling that will always remain in my heart, reminding me of friendships built that reside at my core.  I graduated from Howard years ago, started a career in New York and since moved to Los Angeles to begin a new chapter.  But every autumn, when I can, I race back to celebrate Howard’s homecoming, in high hopes of reliving just a taste of some of the greatest years of my life.  It's never quite the same, but I don’t expect it ever will be.

A Different World came to an “end of the road” in 1993, and now I stream its episodes to emotionally reconnect with a missed experience; watching amusingly as if I hadn’t seen each one several times already.  Because I still yearn to explore a “world” that inspires me to reach for more of myself, and a Black love story that provides hope.  And though this “world” may be different, I know, I’m not alone.

Take care of yourself.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Blending left field jazz elements with club tropes to forge something truly new, Emma-Jean Thackray's work is never less than riveting. New album Yellow is out on July 2, with the composer commenting: “It’s a record about togetherness, the oneness of all things in the universe, showing love and kindness, human connection. I approached the record by trying to simulate a life-changing psychedelic experience, an hour where we see behind the curtain to a hidden dimension, where the physical realm melts away and we finally see that we are all one.” Set to be released via her own Movementt imprint, the album is led by gorgeous new single 'Say Something' - opening with glimmers of Rhodes piano, it leans on that hi-hat shuffle before Emma-Jean Thackray uses her voice to elevate the song. A plea towards communication, it's a powerful introduction. [via Clash]

Philadelphia punk rockers Mannequin Pussy have released the title track to Perfect, their upcoming EP due out May 21. The new song comes with a flashy music video that’s inspired by the kitschy glamor of Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, too. Musically, 'Perfect' is a distorted blaze of rock guitars that sees vocalist-guitarist Missy eviscerating the idea that people must manicure their own social media presence. “Last year, I found myself spending more time on my phone than I ever had in my life… I realized that through years of social media training, many of us have grown this deep desire to manicure our lives to look as perfect, as aspirational as possible,” explained Missy in a statement. “We want to put ourselves out there, share our lives, our stories, our day to day — and these images and videos all shout the same thing: ‘Please look at me, please tell me I’m so perfect.’ It’s simultaneously a declaration of our confidence but edged with the desperation that seeks validation from others.” In the accompanying music video, directed by Missy, viewers get to watch as a 10-year reunion at Sugarbush High slowly unravels. It opens on three former classmates, all three of whom are pregnant, dishing some hushed gossip and talking about how they want to get plastic surgery that’s so good they mistake one another for strangers. Cue two students-turned-drag queens making a grand entrance and strutting their stuff on the dance floor (mirroring the 1997 comedy classic) while old classmates gasp, shield their eyes, and panic. Meanwhile, Mannequin Pussy can be seen tearing up the band stage while they perform live. [via Consequence]

Following the release of her debut EP I Can’t Cry For You in December, Manchester’s Phoebe Green is back with new bop ‘IDK’. “[It] explores a complete detachment from reality, observing things from a place of total apathy and feeling as though I’m witnessing my life as a bystander with little to no connection to it,” Phoebe explains. “It’s a horrible state to be in, I think it happens when I get overwhelmed.” [via DIY]

Fast-rising French-Korean artist spill tab is unveiling her latest mesmerising single ‘Anybody Else’. Accompanied by a new vid directed by friend and collaborator Jade Sadler, spill tab says, “This song is cheesy as fuck but I love it, it’s pretty straight forward, a little shameless - the lyrics are sort of a way of expressing my love without openly saying I love you. Jade Sadler (the video director) and I just wanted to have a shit ton of fun on this one. We thought about something with narrative or plot and it was just getting to be too corny. I wanted something lighthearted and playful, so we decided we would have all of our homies in this video paired with different colors and angles and set designs. I’m so excited with the way it turned out.” [via DIY]

Willow Kayne has shared her debut single 'Two Seater'. The Gen Z talent links together huge opposing forces, creating her own potent brand of rebel-pop. New single 'Two Seater' finds Willow blazing a trail, upending convention through melding together differing sounds. The lush, 90s inspired soundscape leans on nostalgic impulses, but her punk-like disregard for convention is sheer pop futurism. Produced by DANIO, it finds Willow Kayne coming into her own completely off the bat. [via Clash]

BENEE has shared a video for her single ‘Happen To Me’. It’s the latest cut from her debut album, Hey u x, which arrived last November featuring guest spots from the likes of Grimes, Lily Allen and Flo Milli. “This song is super important to me,” she says. “It’s the opening track [on the album]. It’s the first song where I’ve written about anxiety. The lyrics are pretty dark. Life is pretty crazy right now, and I think it’s important to talk about this kind of stuff.” Of the video, she adds: “Stoked to be sharing this music video with everyone! I filmed it with a bunch of mates, and it was the coolest set! Hope you love it as much as I do.” [via Dork]

Los Angeles-based art-pop artist Kit Major has shared the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work,' a more introspective stab at her signature dark, electropop sound. Blending driving dance beats and thumping hyperpop-influenced synths, Kit Major creates an intoxicating elixir of soundbites and grit. Taking inspiration from Charli XCX, Billie Eilish, and Charlotte Lawrence, 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the overwhelming vulnerability and panic of failing to curb a depressive episode with medication. With this release, Kit Major furthers her efforts to be open and make light of her mental health struggles. On the video, Kit Major shares, "'When The Drugs Don't Work' was filmed in one weekend, directed by my best friend in my departed grandparents' now empty house. We filmed this in quarantine without a crew and worked to create a dark & twisted fairytale together. When I first started thinking about the video, I knew I wanted a more lighthearted take to balance the darker theme of my mental health in the song. I wrote the lyric, “little princess hurt locked away inside her palace,” because sometimes when I'm isolated in my room I visualize myself as a Disney princess running inside her castle, instead of being in my bed, surrounded by empty water bottles. This song was written from a mix of different perspectives including my own, my persona, and outside voices. I think we accomplished the storytelling behind WTDDW by portraying the importance of imagination and trusting yourself."  Alongside, director Noël Dombroski adds, "WDDW is a raw, introspective song from Kit that shines a light on parts of herself that at times may be hard to face. We were lucky enough to be able to shoot at Kit's late grandparents' house, an emotionally significant location that acts in the video as the inside of Kit's head. We wanted to challenge viewers to look at every facet of themselves and realize that each part is valuable, even if you may not like it. A conversation we had a lot was about the color scene, where the image of Kit is being pulled apart by color channels. You may hate one of those colors, but you still need it to create that full image. The same can sometimes be said about depression - it may be a layer of yourself that you don't care for, but without that experience, I don't know that WDDW could exist." The music video dives into the psychological turmoil at the heart of the track with a hyperstylized touch. Spotlights wander through a funhouse version of Kit's childhood home, hunting down our protagonist, who we find trapped behind bars, downing teardrops from teacups and champagne from the bottle. Simultaneously unnerving and stimulating in a Paranormal Activity-meets Alice in Wonderland aestheticism, the music video for 'When the Drugs Don't Work' dives into the floating images of a mental breakdown with a fever dream lucidity.

Number One Popstar continues to prove herself as a powerhouse, shaking up the music world with her fresh, unapologetic beats. This week, she shares another one, her new single 'Forever 21.' And no, it’s not about clothes. 'Forever 21' begins with a kicking beat, but subdued with reflective, twinkly keys. It’s a perfect mix of existential dread and dance. Carrying this vibe throughout, it breaks in between with a beaming guitar-driven bridge. Lyrically, the track makes us question why brands and media make it seem like our twenties are our prime, when we still have our whole lives ahead of us? Despite the effervescent pop sound, Hollowell got vulnerable about her past and its effect on the song, saying, "I initially started writing 'Forever 21' when I found myself looking back on my early 20’s, wanting to recapture the hopeful and dumb feelings of my youth. But the longer I spent on the song, the more it became a reflection of the loss I faced when my parents passed away in my early 20s. I started looking at my own fear of death, of dying like them. I really didn’t know where my life was headed back then. […] I eventually turned that painful experience into a motivation to go after everything I wanted in life. To be seriously less serious, recognizing everything is fleeting.” Like her other music videos, Hollowell likes to flip popular culture and societal expetations on their head. While also bringing the fear of aging to life, she also reminds audiences to stay present instead of holding on to youth. [via Earmilk]

Following in the footsteps of Prince and Lizzo, Dizzy Fae is set to become the Twin Cities’ next pop sensation. She just dropped her brand new track, 'BODY MOVE', and much like the name suggests, it will make you want to move. Self-described as alternative R&B, Fae takes a few notes from contemporary hyperpop artists like Charli XCX and Doja Cat with an industrial iciness that plays off the technicolor pop melodies. It’s an influence you can hear on 'BODY MOVE', produced by New York’s Stelios (Young Thug, SZA). The track builds itself off a snappy, rubber band bass line indebted to pop’s recent disco revival. “It’d be so cruel if I didn’t let my body move,” Fea’s voice loops through a robotic filter. A buzzing drum machines barrels in at the chorus, transforming the lightly retro groove to a futuristic club track more akin to the production styles of 100 gecs. But for all the modern influences, the Ying Yang Twins reference shows she’s a student of all types of music. [via Consequence]

Technically, 'Your Power' is not the lead single from Billie Eilish’s newly announced album Happier Than Ever. The album includes two songs she released last year: the jazzy, well received ballad 'my future' and the contemptuous multi-format radio hit 'Therefore I Am.' However, 'Your Power' is the first song Eilish has released since announcing the new album, debuting her new look, and officially commencing her LP2 era, so there’s definitely a deep sense of anticipations around the song. Eilish teased 'Your Power' this week with a brief sound snippet featuring acoustic guitar and the words “Try not to use your power” sung to a Feist-y melody. Now the full song and its Eilish-directed music video have arrived. The completed record remains as soft, pretty, and devastatingly sad as the preview audio. In the clip, a slow pan across a mountainside in the Simi Valley reveals Eilish in the clutches of a gigantic snake. (A press release specifies that it’s an 80-pound anaconda.) [via Stereogum]

[somereadingsasmr]

In this episode we read 1984 while sitting in a secret room above the top of Mr. Charrington's junk shop! I hope you like it. ____________________ My thoughts on the chapter This chapter may seem to hold some very easy to spot themes - but I believe some of its best parts are slightly more subtle. Of course the prole woman outside of the window singing leads Winston to believe that the proles have a sort of 'unbroken' will. Something which could possibly allow them to revolt against the governing power and lead to freedom for their society. Though I think more than this, the contents of the song are actually important to consider. I definitely feel that the very basic idea of love and missing your lover is imperative to understanding the missing animalistic / basic need for love in the 1984 universe. The love song is not subtle nor carries any deep wisdom, its just about wanting a partner and loss. Some things which are so deep, so primal, that they are difficult to eradicate in the party members. Something which is not even being attempted to be abolished from the proles. Throughout the chapter, the love is ALMOST unbroken. Except by one small thing which breaks through their new created world - the rat. For further details on this, watch the rest of the book ;) ____________________ Nineteen Eighty-Four is public domain in Australia. This video is intended as a public service, to educate and entertain. To provide a relaxing and effective way of communicating one of the best works of literature to a target audience (being the ASMR audience). I have decided to put a little more production value into this series. The first series I did on my channel was of Animal Farm, and to honour this tradition I thought it right to increase my efforts. #1984 is a classic, it is mentioned all throughout culture. #Orwellian is a popular description, basically describing a situation in real life which is negative in George Orwells eyes to having a good society - as depicted in his writings. I am very active on social media, if you would like to follow me! I respond to DMs and would LOVE to hear from you. Even just to chat (I respond on Instagram and Twitter the most!). 📸 Instagram | @SomeReadingsASMR 🐦 Twitter | @asmr_some ^ Contact me on these two. I also have: 📌 Pinterest | pinterest.com/SomereadingsASMR 📮 Facebook | facebook.com/SomereadingsASMR 💡 Minds | @somereadingsasmr #️⃣ Tumblr | tumblr.com/blog/somereadingsasmr My Paypal is somereadingsasmr@gmail.com (use this mainly to increase the quality of my videos). ❓ What IS ASMR? Why are you being WEIRD? ❓ ASMR is a tingly relaxing phenomena that occurs when some people hear, see or feel different things! Videos tagged with 'ASMR' are created with the express purpose to try to trigger these relaxing feelings. Personal attention, whispering, clicking and various sounds & visuals commonly trigger this sensation. People watch ASMR for relaxation, escapism, entertainment, to pass the time, to sleep or to avoid being lonely. You don't need to feel weird about watching ASMR! If you do not experience ASMR, you are definitely still welcome to watch! If you don't understand the feeling - the closest I can explain is the feeling of getting a relaxing massage from a professional massage therapist. Below are some excerpts I have paraphrased from Wikipedia for further detail: Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), sometimes auto sensory meridian response, is a tingling sensation that typically begins on the scalp and moves down the back of the neck and upper spine. A pleasant form of paresthesia, it has been compared with auditory-tactile synesthesia and may overlap with frisson. ASMR signifies the subjective experience of "low-grade euphoria" characterized by "a combination of positive feelings and a distinct static-like tingling sensation on the skin". It is most commonly triggered by specific auditory or visual stimuli, and less commonly by intentional attention control. A genre of videos which intend to stimulate ASMR has emerged, of which over 13 million are published on YouTube (Wikipedia, 2020). Citations Wikipedia (2020). Retrieved on 11/03/2020 from: https://ift.tt/1bRjnor My weird brain (whenever I research, create and post). by SomeReadingsASMR

[hcpefulmarshmallow]

Zansakura (Danganronpa) & Leaves From The Vine (Avatar: The Last Airbender) Are Shockingly Similar, And Both Remarkable 

-- The Essay No One Asked For.

I vaguely eluded - and by that, I mean bluntly stated - this comparison before, but as a big fan of both these series and these songs, I figured this whole thing deserves a real, proper post, meta tag and all. But in order to compare the two, we must define them first. 

 It's fair to say I’ve done a lot of thinking about Zansakura. A while back, I even did a rather, let’s say, meticulous deconstruction of the song as well as Zettai Kibou Birthday, and compared the two to one other. In the interests of saving time and effort, I’ll do my best to summarise the key points; but if you’re interested, here’s the link. 

 Zansakura is one of Nagito Komaeda’s character songs, in which he conceptualizes his life as Sakura petals falling from their tree, and being carried away in the water. Sakura flowers - or cherry blossoms, as we know them - carry a certain significance in Japanese culture. The long and short of it is this: they signify impermanence, transience, and a wistful sadness in the face it. Cherry Blossoms are considered at their most beautiful, not as they bloom, but as they begin to wither and fall; see his canon dialogue: “As soon as my life entered the final round, it quickly became a rollercoaster ride!” Nagito, of course, suffers from an illness that is likely to take his life very soon. Throughout the song, he expresses a deep, regretful sadness at this being the state of things; but moreover, for the one line he breaks his Sakura motif in the song, it’s to say: “To live an ordinary life and die together with you/Oh, if that could come true”. For Nagito, the saddest thing he’s losing is not his life, but rather, the potential to love and be loved in return. 

 In the world of Avatar, Leaves From The Vine is a well-known nursery rhyme in the Fire Nation, and going by the lyrics alone, seems to have a vaguely optimistic message - a soldier returns home from war. However, the out-of-universe meaning behind this song is something else entirely. 

 We, the viewers, are not exposed to all aspects of Fire Nation culture, but rather those that are relevant to the story. So we do not know the song as any kind of nursery rhyme. We know it from Book 2, Episode 15: The Tales Of Ba Sing Se. This anthological filler episode - and I use the term filler loosely, because boy, was this show good at filler - follows various characters throughout the same day, as they go about having separate adventures in the Earth Kingdom capital. Each story serves a different purpose, but by far the most memorable and heartbreaking is the tale of Iroh. Iroh is a very beloved character, and for good reason. He used to be a renowned General, and the heir to the Fire Nation throne. But after his only son Lu Ten was killed in battle, fighting the war the Fire Nation started, Iroh lost all faith in his purpose. His life spiraled and his grief eventually lead to him being disinherited by his father, becoming a disgrace in the eyes of the Fire Nation (though still loved by many for his personality), and perhaps most importantly, turned him off the war altogether, and into the kind and nurturing figure we the audience know, and Zuko relies on. I mean, it was a little more complicated than that, but that’s the crux of it. 

 His tale in Ba Sing Se mostly revolves around disjointed, seemingly random events in which he somehow makes a stranger’s life better; talking a thief and mugger into turning his life around, comforting a crying child. But at the day’s end, Iroh climbs a hill and sits alone beneath a tree, retreating to grieve privately. There he lays out a cloth, incense, a picture of Lu Ten, and after having helped so many people, expresses his regret that he couldn’t help his son. This day happens to be Lu Ten’s birthday, and in his memory, Iroh sings a tearful rendition of Leaves From The Vine. He is barely able to make it through the final lines of the song: “Little soldier boy/Come marching home/Brave solider boy/Comes marching home” and that’s where is tale ends. Remember what I said about Avatar’s filler being remarkable? This, right here, is the entire essence of Iroh. At the end of his segment, we’re left in awe at how much pain he carries with him, and how he’s able to easily help so many people despite it. 

 This is where the song leaves an impression. This is the context through which we remember Leave From The Vine, so this is the lens through which I’m going to interpret and compare it to Zansakura. 

 Both songs elude to similar themes: namely death, loss, ephemera, ideology, and the downfall of having been devoted to an imperfect cause. In Iroh’s case, it’s the loss of life and purpose; and in Nagito’s case, is the lacking of purpose and love. 

Imagery

 In both songs, a certain sad imagery is evoked. It’s through this medium the bulk of the emotion is expressed. It is the withering and dying of nature. Though not sentient, the vines in Iroh’s case and the Sakura trees in Nagito’s are both undergoing a process that cannot be stopped, and will mean the end of everything that is beautiful for this living thing. 

 In both cases, however, this motif is broken to address things more literally. In the case of Zansakura, Nagito breaks to give the “to live a life” line. But it’s said in a way, and in a context, where we are meant to understand that he doesn’t believe he will ever achieve this. Likewise, even as Iroh sings about the Solider coming home, we know he never will. Both state a simple desire, to be with someone they love, despite the fact that it’s impossible. A perfect summation of each song, as it’s presented to us. 

Death, Loss & Ephemera

 Ephemera might just be one of my favourite words. Something that is said to be ephemeral exists for only a short time. Going back to the significance of cherry blossoms, the most common variety actually bloom and fall within a week -- and remember, this is when they’re said to be their most beautiful. Both Nagito and Iroh express a certain sense of defeat. They know their time has passed them by and there’s nothing they can do to get it back. While there is a huge difference between losing a loved one and losing your own life unloved, in both cases, it leaves things unsaid, undone, and unlived. There is a powerlessness both characters feel, that is palpable throughout these songs, and throughout several moments in their respective canon. Though they’re worlds apart, grief is something that can touch anyone, no matter what universe they live in, fictional or otherwise. It’s something that will touch everyone at some point, so perhaps that’s why these are such memorable themes for both Iroh and Nagito. 

Ideology And An Imperfect Cause

 For Iroh, it was the war that the nation he served began that lead to the death of his son. He fought for the glory of the Fire Nation his whole life, passed on this ideology to his son, and Lu Ten paid the price. Similarly, Nagito’s cycle of luck for which we can blame his illness, is largely tied to (perhaps even responsible for) his belief in hope and despair. But as we’ve seen, for that cause, Nagito will go to lengths so extreme, he often does more harm than good. It because of his luck he may never have the chance to live long or know love; the thing that, by his own admission, he wants more than anything.

 Both characters have faced unimaginable pain in the name of a certain ideology. However where they differ is that Iroh used his pain to follow a new path, one that would lead to a better world. Nagito only believed even harder in hope, followed more determinedly the path he was already on. But either way, despite the fact that winning their own personal desires is literally impossible for them, both characters have instead made it their life’s ambition to make the world better for others in whatever way they deem most valuable, no matter the cost to themselves. 

 In conclusion, I don’t really have one. Sure, the songs dabble in similar evocation, similar themes. A lot of songs do. Loss and pain are hardly unique subject matter, and both materials - almost all materials - handle them differently, just as different people do. I guess this was nothing but an excuse to riff about stuff I like. So there. 

[gobbochune]

What fantasy stories do you enjoy? And what makes something fantasy vs not fantasy? Not to argue, I'm just curious how you define it

Never be afraid to ask me about my personal nitpicky definitions for media, i love this shit! 

the reason it took me so long to piece together my feelings about this show is because, like i said, its tied up with the uncanny valley of my personal tastes. There is no one obvious decision that is bad, but rather it consistently presents a character or theme I might enjoy and ruins it for me. The characters are somehow simultaneously over explained and unrelatable. The world is too realistic but also so cartoonishly dark you cant take it seriously. everything that happens is predictable, and yet i still manage to be disappointed by the execution. it is so out of synch with the bare minimum of what i’m willing to tolerate that its almost impressive. Usually when i hate something i’ll consume everything i can from the franchise so i can properly illustrate my complaints (or in the hopes that it will redeem itself) but game of thrones was so contentious to me specifically that i couldnt even be in the room if it was on. The only other show that has ever offended me that badly was scandal, which coincidentally is also a shock value political drama. 

Its not enough to say “Game of Thrones shouldnt count as fantasy because XYZ” because I have examples of the same things being done in different fantasy books without contending with their classification. I don’t even like some of these books, and yet I still got a clear taste of the world and characters in a more tactful way then game of thrones does anything. 

But my initial interest in Game of Thrones (and subsequent disappointment when it doesnt live up to my expectations) can be boiled down to one complaint:

The Tone

When I think of the perfect fantasy adventure that exemplifies what I lowkey want from any fantasy world my mind inevitably drifts to the presentation of The Last Unicorn. What this surreal not-quite-a-kids movie from the 80s lacks in vague writing and a pretty lackluster 3rd act it makes up for with its almost oppressive tone of loneliness, searching, loss, and wonder. 

The film opens with a song about a world that wastes away waiting for just one glimpse of a unicorn before everything succumbs to the cynicism and apathy. The lyrics express how it feels to slowly lose your sense of wonder as nature crumbles, seasons change, and time passes. But at the end of each verse, as if to represent a silver lining, there is a reminder that there is just one unicorn left. She’s old and broken and you might never see her, but she’s a reminder that magic lives somewhere out there. And for that, you feel alive. 

That feeling of carrying on with the bittersweet hope of seeing a unicorn follows throughout the movie. Every single character the unicorn comes across has had their hope destroyed, but those who kept believing are able to see her and join her on her quest. It presents optimism and faith as an unquestioned truth, but a truth that weighs on your soul as you grow up. 

Like game of thrones the world of the last unicorn is cruel and unfair. In such a world hope is a heavy burden, and those who wait for unicorns instead of moving on with their lives destroy themselves waiting. Its so sad and unfair that when they finally meet her they fall to pieces. 

The last unicorn journeys is to find others like herself, other spots of light in the darkness that have been stolen away by the cruelty of men. It is this sacrifice of her own innocence that saves the other unicorns, and though she can return to the forest happy there are unicorns in the world again she’ll never truly go home again. Her home was defined by the eternal and immortal hope she represents, and with that gone, it will never be the same.

The Last Unicorn is haunting and oppressive and bittersweet, and it never has to explain its themes to anyone. 

We never learn what happened to Molly Grue in the years she waited to meet the unicorn. She doesnt get a monologue where she explains in masochistic detail every terrible thing she saw and did to make her so ashamed to stand before the unicorn now. If you’re young like I was when I watched this scene, you might have no idea why Molly is angry at all. The answer comes with age and experience, not through the writer describing the disgusting abuse she faced from her husband and his men. This scene is darker and sadder than anything that happens in Game of Thrones because of its sincerity, not its content. We can listen to Cersei talk about how the period-appropriate misogyny made her sad as a kid but she never allows herself to be as vulnerable as Molly Grue in this scene. By comparison we know Molly a lot less than we know Cersei, but Molly manages to instantly have my sympathy in one scene while I still dont give a fuck about Cersei after six seasons. 

This refusal to explain itself is present in the lore as well. Rules are not drawn up and given context but instead referenced with such certainty that you believe and remember them. 

Why must one never run from an immortal? Because it will only attract their attention. 

This rule of the universe is brought up once but I think about what it could mean all the time. What if it means that immortals are so powerful that your only hope to avoid their notice? That their nature as an eternal truth makes running away pointless? Perhaps theres something about immortals being so ancient that they can only see you if you’re moving quickly. It is such an alien and vague statement thrown out so casually that it makes you feel confused and out of place in a strange environment you dont understand. 

Like, I dont know, you’re on an adventure through a fantasy land or something. 

While its cool that I know the scientific properties of fire that keeps burning until its all gone, if I understand that fire as a threat its mere presence in the story already spoils its effect. Its a fire that keeps burning. Big Whoop. I guess those ships are gone now but what exactly did that add to my experience? The dragons are neat but they’re a type of lizard that is capable of preforming magic. Once you know what that magic is theres nothing all too mysterious or dangerous about them. They’re just large aggressive carnivores. Of course its a stupid idea to let them run rampant through a city. Anything shocking that happens because of the dragons isn’t a reminder that this world is a strange world filled with unpredictable consequences, but that these big fire-breating animals are being managed by idiots. 

It doesn’t matter where the Harpy came from or what exactly happened to Molly Grue. The harpy is terrifying despite having no special powers and Molly’s arc begins and finishes within a minute and 16 seconds and it manages to be more believable and tragic than anything that happens in Game of Thrones. And while the idea of a dry political drama within a fictional universe is a cool idea, its just not one I have any interest in and I’m tired of people insisting i need to watch it. 

[kainfamilyfortune]

Thea - Journal Entry #10

10. Leaps of Faith

The gentle tug and pull of the ship lulled me into a restless sleep last night as we made our way closer and closer to the Kul Tiran capitol of Boralus. I couldn’t help but wake upon the cot next to my new comrades, feeling the anxious ties as they too toss and turn. The eyes of a Gilnean woman met mine in the dimly lit hull - I could see the face worn by so much loss and hardship, and I hoped she could see the strife that I had in my life as well mirroring her expression. She cracked a hopeful smile before closing her eyes, her long dark hair covering half of her face as she embraced the frayed linens, peacefully whisking away into slumber.

I had fear in my judgement, Light being my guiding hand, that I wasn’t strong enough for this. Leadership may be in my blood, but this was further than what even Pap told me of Andrew Kain, first in the family, who was bestowed the gift of the Light. He helped the first immigrants of humans travel from Tirisfal to Westfall, then the Kain name traveled back north to settle all throughout the Eastern Kingdoms, “All we have is our legacy.” I could hear Pap say, but all I could feel was pressure to bestow a line of kin, bare a child in a cluster fuck of a war-ridden world. I was truly the last Kain.

I stared at the ceiling of the ship for a long while, hearing the uneasy snores of those who I would fight alongside in the coming days, before calming... thinking of far beyond where I was.

I opened my eyes, as I stood from the dilapidated cot, smelling the lush forest. I have never been here, I thought. The only place that this reminded me of was home, but much more overgrown and raw, as I looked off into the distance I could see a lake and... Arathor banners around a small plateau of tents and huts, and the makings of a small castle. This was Tirisfal. I was home. I turned to where our humble abode would be, to find nothing but a few tents and a gentle fire under the twilight sky. Two boys about my age sat across from one another talking, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying so I walked over to them and waved to get their attention but they didn’t acknowledge my approach. The conversation become much clearer, “So you’re actually going through with it, eh brother?” the darker amber haired, broad shouldered boy said.

The other boy, bald with soft amber eyes and sharp chin answered, “Aye, Andrew, I’m afraid I won’t be able to join the caravans. Besides they need me to take care of the sick, this disease is... it’s not looking well. The High Priest has already started to show signs... clammy hands, high fever, the coughing... we fear that he... he isn’t going to make it.” His sentence breaks off as a few tears begin to well up in his eyes, before wiping them away.

“Silas, we need you. Kobolds and Gnolls are the least of our fears as we travel south. We need a good priest to spread the message of the Light. I need my brother.” Andrew nods in an encouraging way, but gives a frank smirk knowing that the other boy has already made his choice.

“You’re the leader. You always have been. Ma and Pap, they- they would be proud. So proud-.” He stops, looking up in my direction, as I step upon a twig breaking the silence, “You’d better check that out.”

“Aye.” Andrew mouths, approaching me at a vigorous pace, mace in hand as it flared in light, two paces away from me before he passes straight through me. I wasn’t here. This was a dream, and I was left alone with the one named Silas, as he looked straight at me with a curious look, not speaking a word. 

“You see me, don’t you?” I spoke, breaking the silence. Anxiety welled up in my throat burning like acid. I was met with silence for a moment before Andrew walked past me dragging the carcass of a limp boar.

“That’s going to be a good dinner.” Silas said, his eyes still staying vigilant on me, before shaking his head and standing up to help his brother hang the boar upon the fire pit, flames licking the freshly skinned flesh. Good they couldn’t see me. I approached the fire, sitting down on a third log between the two, I couldn’t help but appreciate the brother’s silence as they cooked their dinner under the now dimming sky, the songs of crickets in the wood and snapping of embers in the fire, looking closely at each one’s features. Andrew was built, like he had spent most of his days chopping logs and carrying heavy loads for this newly found kingdom. His eyes matched my dark amber ones and button nose gave him a warmth in his rounder still boy like face, as he stared at Silas across the fire with earnest. Silas’s sharp features lulled downward looking towards the boar as he twirled the fire spit, his thinner, spindly build showed that he wasn’t much of a fighter, robes clean, seemed like he was a priest in the making.

Silas stopped and got up, grabbing a knife, admiring the boar skin as he stretched it up a tanning rack, as he began to trim the hairs. His careful movements were calculated and precise. He was interrupted by Andrew as he began coughing, “Alright brother?” He asked from behind. I looked to see Andrew covering a hand now drenched in fresh blood as he attempted to clear his throat. “Aye.. Aye-” He coughed again and again. Silas approached him now with a slight panic, “The dinner can wait, Come now.” He moved the boar off the spit with one hand, conjuring light to hold the other end and then grabbed his brother by the shoulder and walked him towards the main camp.

I followed the two, stars showing the way, as Silas struggled to drag Andrew up the hill. Finally they made it to what I assumed to be an infirm tent. The largest in the camp, paled only by the ground work of the castle to be built around them. He carefully set Andrew down as another priest assisted, procuring a combination of herbs into a mortar and pestle and feeding it to him, Silas dabbed a cold rag around his neck and forehead. Andrew looked up from the cot to Silas and said weakly, “I’m-I’m fine brother. Does the fever come so quick to kill?” He attempted a jest, laughing at first then proceeded into a coughing fit.

“Rest brother. A cure is coming.” Another tear stroke down upon his cheek as the priest flanking Silas rested a hand upon his shoulder. I couldn’t watch this... Andrew couldn’t have died. He didn’t. I exited the tent and watched the sky for a moment, night blanketing the scenery in an eerily similar fashion to my youth, then the turned into day, then to night again, then day, then night. It was dizzying that I shut my eyes for a moment wanting the shock to subside. When I opened them again it had stopped, and I heard crying from behind me.

I entered the tent to find Silas, knelt over the body of Andrew, tunic covered in blood, and four other priests encroached upon him. He was dead. Truly. The woman who had put a hand upon Silas’s shoulder tried to do so again, but he shook it off. “Leave me.” he muttered under tearful jerks, “Leave. Now.” They seemed to be apprehensive at first, but then acknowledged his grief as they exited the tent. Silas arose, wiping away his tears and draped a cloth upon the frame of his brother. He stood there a moment in silence before lifting his arm and snapping his fingers, light filtering underneath the burly build of a man kiting him a few feet into the air. Levitating him slowly towards where I stood.

I followed the two brothers once again, instead of going to the camp where they would have had a jovial meal, to the newly built under croft. I could feel Silas’s aura, his warmth, it matched that of when I lost Dustin, although something was much more raw about it. A soft light from the sun basked the entry way, with flower petals of previous ceremonies of loved ones were showered in remembrance, as the torchlight cancelled the next flight down into the darkened crypt.

Finally we reached the inner chamber, Silas knelt down in the center snapping his fingers and gently laying his brother as he began to pray. “Light, I’ve come to you this day with the heaviest burden upon my shoulders. I have given to you all that I am, all that I ever will be, to see my mother, my father and now my brother die at the hand of disease and misfortune upon this land. Please here my call. Please help me resurrect my brother. My Andrew. So that he can lead these people to greater heights, ones’ that they can’t even imagine.”

I stared at him as he was met with silence, resurrections were not that simple, surely he knew this. I wanted to comfort him, but as I took a step forward the room... the weight shifted. Air felt like it was pulling in from all directions around a singular point. Andrew Kain. The flames sucked inward from the torches as they were extinguished, the only glow in the room was a faint holy aura from Silas and a shimmer in front of him, as the sultry female voice spoke out from the void, “A barter must be made to continue young priest…”

Light. No.

“What do you ask of me? Please save him… he deserves to be in good health.  He has much good in him.” He pleaded, tears streaking his face. As the shimmer caressed the corpse, and began to glow vibrantly, then dim once more. Time felt like it had paused to admire this moment, as he waited, and waited. Andrew began to cough, but not that of violent disease, no. Life was pouring back into him before weakly he grasped at Silas’s hand, with a wide smile. “Silas...”

Before he had a moment to embrace Andrew laying before him, the shimmer spoke again. “A barter has been reached.” As Silas’s body collapsed upon the crypt floor. 

A life for a life.

His funeral was nothing like I ever saw. Tears struck my own eyes as I relived it, honoring the memory of one of the first Light wielders. The one my family chose to forgot or was lost to time itself. Or the one I made up. Because before I knew it, I was being startled awake to get ready for departure. Boralus Awaits.

(OOC Notes! 

Wanna Catch-up? ----> Here!

I wanted to explore a few themes with this one, figured now would be a good time to start to blur the story lines between the two muses and wanted to challenge myself in what would that time be like in Silas’s life, while offering a canon ‘origin story’, while at the same time have Thea be introduced to Silas as this distant past relative that the family doesn’t acknowledge or speak of. Hmmm Wonder why? 

I cannot wait to start writing the Battle of Dazar’alor, I’m about to actually do that in-game with Thea (Since I got her to ilvl330 this morning) once I jump through another week worth of WQ’s, LFR’s and Warfronts! Since I don’t technically main Alliance it’s been super great feeling. For now I wish you all a happy week! Thank you so much for reading if you got this far! <3)

[incrediblyexpandedhorizons]

Jevnation’s top 5 albums of 2018

Kustin here, will be calling myself Jevnation from now on. Time passes quicker than most people may be aware of and as it shows, the members of IEH is certainly moving on to different, new things and interests (and names ;) ). But the love for music is always here to stay and it is in my interest to share my own list of top albums from last year that’s given aural pleasure and new sensations that helped enrich this year and the future to come. There are more albums that’s been on my mind and I’m likely to follow up with worthy mentions. But knowing me, I am a terribly slow writer trying to find words to express my experiences with the albums that crossed my life and ears. Hence this list being a couple of months overdue...

Without further ado, I present to you my top 5 albums in no particular order. Perhaps you’ll find some new gems to check out...!

Cardhouse - City Blur Genre: Electronic/alternative rock The Liverpool band Anathema is seeing evolution and re-invention of their sound constantly, flirting more with modern electronics that graced their recent albums lately. Their current keyboardist/drummer Daniel Cardoso has fit well into the band's current formation and played competently in live shows though his apparent, creative mindset wouldn't be showcased there as much as it would show in his own debut, solo record he produced. Enter, Cardhouse! (I see what you did there, Cardoso)

The music in it is tricky to categorize but does deliver its own thing; a unique combination of alternative/indie rock with modern, electronic production and a dark, aesthetic foundation for the album. Cardoso handles all the instruments and programming that's well calculated yet sounding so unchained. (Yes, he did the Elvis cover here, too)

His crooning vocals go around the mid-high register, which adds to the melancholic value of certain songs but also belts out some yearning tones that adds some weight to the music. The vocal production is also enhanced by applying light pitch vibrato reminiscent of Daft Punk and distortion for intense moments, respectively.

Overall, City Blur is an engaging journey through the nocturnal soundscape that's defined by the electronic-rock hybrid and I anticipate a continuation of Daniel's creative, solo outputs in the near future.

Stand-out tracks: Ink, Forgotten, Monster.

Michael Romeo - War of the Worlds Pt. 1 Genre: Progressive power metal, Symphonic Metal Symphony X is going low since they released and promoted their latest album Underworld, leaving the members to pursue other projects while recharging. The classical-influenced axeman Michael Romeo, however, channels some of the 'X to his solo project, orchestrating new music while taking in other influences and musicians on board. They all fit like a glove together while the fresh singer John Castellano delivers nicely the melody lines, having the timbre and attitude of Kelly Sundown and occasionally reaches up the raw power of Russell Allen.

The record is a sci-fi concept album about the tense relationship between man and machine, making for a blending pot between metal, orchestral music and electronic music at some point. The Symphony X fans will rejoice to the band still sticking to the familiar songwriting, as much as I got instantly engaged in the first half of the album featuring tight songwriting, virtuoso musicianship, memorable hooks and meaty riffs.

Some curve-balls are thrown in, most prominently in the track "F*cking Robots", which I could describe it as a call-and-response between man and machine riding on EDM-metal crossover. Overall, the record had me blown away so here's to hoping the 2nd part holds candle to its predecessor, which might see the light of day this year or next.

Stand-out tracks: Fear The Unknown, Black, Djinn.

Mike Shinoda - Post-Traumatic Genre: Alternative hip hop, rap rock, alternative rock Following the tragedy that has befallen Linkin Park regarding Chester's suicide led by depression, the fellow band members have decided to take a hiatus in order to cope with their terrible loss. Whatever happens to LP remains uncertain by this day but Mike Shinoda has decided to write his difficult experiences and laments, after losing his close friend, into his solo rap album.

As it's a less common genre in my musical taste, Post-Traumatic is a mixed bag of musical elements embraced in Mike's recognizable rapping and songwriting akin to Linkin Park. The songs mainly contain electronics and sample-based beats but there are some rock music implemented in the album. Mike's lyrical deliery walk a fine balance between clear re-telling and poetic expressions, for the listeners to get a share of his states of mind throughout the griefing period that led into this album's production. There's also a handful of songs that feature guest artists that make fine contributions without taking over.

Post-Traumatic is an emotive concept rap record that is pretty dark and honest to its subject matter, with a vulnerable and cathartic side as presented by the LP vocalist, musician and producer. It was surely a difficult record for Mike to put together; the results show how he went through terrible times but forges on as a musician and living person.

Stand-out tracks: Over Again, Lift Off, I.O.U.

Phideaux - Infernal Genre: Progressive rock (Crossover) The wait has been long and Phideaux Xavier finally shows he's still around in the music world, juggling between his jobs as a series director (General Hospital) and his solo prog rock band. The previous album was released in 2011 but seeing that his band's trilogy had yet to finish their concept album trilogy that started with The Great Leap (2006) and Doomsday Afternoon (2007), the time finally came for them to wrap things up after 12 years of waiting. The fans could rejoice for Phideaux's return, as the years of teasing are finally through.

With plenty of materials to go by, Infernal is a double-disc album that follows the musical blueprint similar to Doomsday Afternoon and their recent albums, comprised from mainly 70's progressive rock, chamber music, neo-folk, psychedelic and gothic rock. This results in the decet (10 members!) band going on their adventurous mix of musical ideas that make every song stick out in their own way, characterized by their familiar use of mixed vocals, instrumental effects from modern and early technologies as well as a rich variety of vintage synth sounds.

The concept theme carries on towards its conclusion, touching more upon the dystopic science fiction that concerns a "Big Brother"-like society and ecological disasters. The tracks flow together and contain many cross references, lyrically and musically, that connect them within Infernal and the previous albums.

By the release of this final part of the trilogy being a fact, not only is it welcome for the fact that Phideaux can now put his mind to rest and move on with new, creative ideas but that Infernal showcases the band I've grown to love playing on a strong note as ever.

Stand-out tracks: The Sleepers Wake, The Order of Protection (One & Two), Tumbleweed

Alter Bridge - Live at the Royal Albert Hall Genre: Alternative metal, Hard rock, Symphonic rock, Post-grunge Live albums don't merit easily in the top lists as much as studio albums, so they have to contain something exclusive enough for a listener to buy it along with the studio album (regardless if they're playing your favorite songs in it or not). But a trend has been growing with rock bands doing live concerts, which is adding extra section musicians or even a full orchestra to add to the band's musical performance. The 90's had Metallica realize "S&M", Dream Theater made "Score" a reality in the 00's and this decade had a decent amount of progressive bands perform in Plovdiv, where a local orchestra has made a niche in augmenting the bands' classics with classical instruments (pun intended). It's probably no wonder that Alter Bridge would follow suit and do their own live take with an orchestra; an idea sparked by their manager that stuck fast and came to fruition.

Their setlist include tracks from every album released before-hand and don't shy away from songs that may have been played less live, on the principle of how well they fit with the orchestra. The best example would be "Words Darker Than Their Wings", which gives a more soaring air combined from the musical elements of epic rock and symphony. The heavier songs gain more dramatic weight delivered through while the balladic tracks are brought out in new shine, well worth hearing in Alter Bridge's both sides of spectrum. There's some behind-the-scenes footage coming up between the songs, which I find helps make a good connection with the viewers and fans to see the process that lead to the band's historical show.

For fans and new listeners alike, I'd proudly call "Live at the Royal Albert Hall" their go-to live album for the diverse yet accessible setlist and the orchestral addition to their music.

Stand-out tracks: Blackbird, Words Darker Than Their Wings, In Loving Memory

[patheticphallacy]

I want to disclose before I even start this post that the day I started writing this, BookTube came out with a whole load of videos inspired by Jin’s birthday that follows the exact same concept. I promise I’m not trying to plagiarise any of their ideas behind the videos, I’ve been planning this series of posts for months! This is a link to a whole playlist of those videos that meltotheany created, I highly recommend watching. 

If you haven’t been around the past year, I have fallen very deep into the BTS rabbit hole. I was always aware of BTS, because I’ve listened to K-Pop for a few years alongside my other music interests, but it was only once I got into BTS in April this year that I fully dedicated invested myself to actually listening to their music as a whole.

With music obsessions comes associating random things with the people in the group, and, as a result, I came up with a whole load of books that remind me of the members of BTS, as well as individual songs/albums/concepts/etc., so I’m… starting another blog series!

Starting off: BOOKS TO READ BASED ON YOUR BIAS. I love all of them, but I always think of my favourite as the one who, if they are in teams, I always hope they will be the one to win the challenge. I’ve done this for pretty much everything I enjoy.

For me, the person I always want to win is Jin, so I’m going to go eldest to youngest, recommending books that remind me of them.

KIM SEOKJIN

Sadie by Courtney Summers: While Jin is very down to Earth and willing to dick around with the younger members of the group, he is very protective and has his serious moments. Sadie is a dual narrative following teenager Sadie as she hunts for the man that she believes murdered her younger sister. It’s a very difficult read– content warnings for pedophilia, sexual abuse, and violence– but I feel like it hits hard when you’re the eldest sibling, which Jin technically is. 

The Adventure Zone: Here There Be Gerblins by the McElroy’s and Carey Pietsch: Okay, so this is a very different approach to Jin, but Taako… really reminds me of him? I can’t shake the vibes. My original notes for this post literally just say ‘look: jin and taako have the same energy’, I am adamant. 

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin: Another sad pick unfortunately! The Immortalists follows four siblings who all learn the dates they’re going to die, and the book follows them in order. It’s kind of a tragic read, but the exploration of mortality and fate is great. The familial relationships are complicated and layered, with people drifting apart, and as an older sister, it’s quite terrifying to look into the future and realise I’ve got my whole life ahead of me with these people I’ve grown up with. And that, again, reminds me of Jin.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World Series by Bryan Lee O’Malley: Finish off on a happy one! Jin likes video games, and Scott Pilgrim reads a lot like a video game, if that’s possible. It’s about a guy in his twenties who is kind of a loser and has to beat his new girlfriend’s evil exes. Quite a popular read, and the movie is solid, but the graphic novels are just better. They have more Wallace Wells, and Wallace is a character I could see Jin appreciating.

MIN YOONGI

Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink: If it’s possible for a book about a woman searching for her dead wife and accidentally uncovering a world of horror to be quiet, Alice Isn’t Dead accomplishes that. Keisha Taylor, our main character, openly struggles with her anxiety throughout, and Yoongi is very open about mental health and struggling to carry on. The book is about finding your strength and refusing to accept apologies until you’re ready to accept them, and I think Yoongi would like the messages this book sends.

I Want to Eat Your Pancreas by Yoru Sumino: Another one I struggle to explain. A teenage boy finds the diary of his classmate, who is suffering from a pancreatic disease and isn’t certain she’ll live through it. A boundary-crossing friendship blooms between the two, and there are so many unexpected moments. It’s a real tearjerker, I’ll tell you that. Something about how real the narrative is makes me think of Yoongi.

Radio Silence/I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman: Yoongi is, again, very open about struggling with his mental health, and mental health is quite a big theme in both of these books. Radio Silence is focused on the pursuit of what makes you happy in a world telling you to focus on academics instead of being creative, a very Yoongi theme; and I Was Born For This has a POV of a frontman of a boy band who struggles with anxiety and is disillusioned with fame.

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo: Just now realising all of my choices for Yoongi are super serious, which is going to be the direct opposite of the next member. The Poet X is written in verse– a great introduction to the form– and follows a young girl who struggles and attempts to understand her mother’s religion through the poetry she writes. Xiomara’s passion for the form is so beautiful and she flourishes in writing, truly feeling herself when she’s performing, and I think that’s something I see in Yoongi, too.

JUNG HOSEOK

The Monster of Elendhaven by Jennifer Giesbrecht: This is a very strange choice, but let me explain. Personality wise, Hoseok is a Gemini: very happy and hopeful, but his mood switches can be scary as heck. The Monster of Elendhaven made me laugh out loud, but it’s really dark– the narrator is a serial killer in a miserable fantasy world, and the main relationship is toxic but entirely consensual. It’s bizarre, and the contradictions remind me of Hoseok. Also, if you search up Hoseok’s Cypher 4 Live outfit where he looks like a Victorian aristocrat about to do nefarious science, he’s exactly how I picture Herr Leikenbloom.

Lumberjanes written by various: Lumberjanes is a series I’ve read for literal years, and it’s the right balance of lighthearted and heartfelt that it reminds me of Hoseok. Ripley, one of the main girls, is so energetic and passionate that I can’t help but think of Hoseok! Lumberjanes is set at a camp where our characters go on fantastical adventures and have to save the day, even if nobody else knows the day is being saved.

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne: Don’t @ me, Winnie the Pooh is everything to me and I won’t be shamed for my passion. So many of the stories turn into ones of hope and friendship, literally the core of Pooh’s character, and Hoseok is like that for me. Him and Jimin, honestly, but Jimin isn’t until later! No getting ahead of myself!

Bravest Warriors by various: You can tell I love my comedies, can’t you? Bravest Warriors constantly edges on ridiculous, reminiscent of Adventure Time, and I love it for how scatter brained and funny it is. It’s just fun, plain and simple, and I think that’s good for us sometimes. Remembering to enjoy yourself, even when the going gets tough, which Hoseok shows.

KIM NAMJOON

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan: Namjoon, as the leader, has to be very in control and can sometimes seem like he’s drawing himself out of the fun in interviews to focus, but is very driven to change things for the better. In Other Lands focuses on Elliott, a boy who finds himself at a magical school and, against the expectations of magical society, begins to change it from the inside out using pacifism, quick wit and a reluctance to do anything energetic, but finds himself ostracised for it. I think Elliott staying true to his own nature and finding happiness even when it’s difficult is admirable, and also very much a Namjoon thing to do.

Aquicorn Cove by Katie O’Neill: After losing her mother, Lana moves to an island and begins to uncover a hidden magical world that’s at risk because of over-fishing. It’s a soft take on a wider issue, but Katie O’Neill is very good at handling themes like this and making them explicit without losing direction. I think Namjoon would really enjoy O’Neill’s work, but this especially is a very current issue.

No One Is Too Small to Make a Difference by Greta Thunberg: Speak yourself! Express your passions! Greta Thunberg is the embodiment of ‘speaking yourself’ and changing the world for the better, no matter who tries to knock you down.

Taproot by Keezy Young: I don’t know what it is about this that reminds me of Namjoon. In Taproot, Blue is a ghost, and haunting Hamal, his best friend whom he is in love with. There’s a focus on natural colours because Hamal works as a gardener, but it can be quite dark at times, looking at loss and fear of moving on. It just yells ‘Namjoon’ to me. I’ve definitely focused on more environment-focused writing for him.

PARK JIMIN

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson: I like to describe Jimin as being sweet, but the most likely to commit a crime and get away with it, especially amongst the other members of BTS. So many of Stevie’s actions in this book as she investigates an unsolved crime remind me of Jimin, just because only he could get away with it. He’s been voted as one of the top idols like, 50 times, he’s very intimidating. If I caught him sneaking through my belongings, I’d be too scared to say anything.

Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu: Yes, Jimin is intimidating, but I also said he’s sweet, and Eric Bittle is the exact same. Bitty becomes a hockey player after years of competing as a professional figure skater, and finds himself making a home amongst men a lot bigger and a lot physically tougher than him. He overcomes a lot of hardships and works hard, and that’s something you see in Jimin’s dancing and own behaviours in being a part of BTS.

Neverworld Wake by Marisha Pessl: God, this is the exact same reasoning as Truly Devious, I’m sorry. I just really do think Jimin could be sneaky and get away with what these characters do! Neverworld Wake follows a young woman who reunites with her highschool friends and finds herself in a Groundhog Day scenario, repeating the same day over and over again as they attempt to uncover who murdered her boyfriend the year before. It’s very dark and atmospheric, I adore it.

Lovely Complex by Aya Nakahara: I’ll be honest, I’m mostly saying this series because Jimin is short. Lovely Complex follows Risa, an incredibly tall girl, and Atsushi, a boy well below expected height, who become reluctant friends in their pursuit to find romance. It’s very light and cute, probably one of the easiest manga series I’ve ever read.

KIM TAEHYUNG

Animals by Emma Jane Unsworth: This is almost a joint pick with Jimin. Animals follows a young woman in her twenties who parties more than she probably should with her American roommate. Her life slowly begins to unravel as she notices more faults in her relationships, and begins to question if this is what she actually wants from life. There’s something about people in their mid-to-late-twenties partying and making terrible decisions as they have a crisis that reminds me of Taehyung, just because him and the rest of the group have been so open with how much he’s changed and attempted to make himself into a more in-control person.

Snotgirl by Bryan Lee O’Malley: Look. Taehyung is very bougie, and Snotgirl follows socialite and fashion blogger Lottie as she tries to combat her chronic allergies and not get sent to prison for murder. It’s a very exciting series, the characters are self-centred and awful, and I think Taehyung would love it. They are all rich and dress impeccably.

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio: Taehyung is an actor, we all know this, and If We Were Villains follows several actors at a prestigious (and fictional) conservatory specialising in Shakespearean acting who end up embroiled in a murder plot. It’s dark academia a la The Secret History, but its focus on Shakespeare means it’s much suited to Taehyung. Dark, dangerous and dramatic.

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson: I couldn’t not have a book on art in here when I’m talking about Taehyung, and it was only going through shelves upon shelves that made me realise I have read so few books on art. I’ll Give You the Sun is a dual narrative novel, following artist twins Jude (in the present) and Noah (3 years in the past) as they tackle romance, art and loss. There are so many twists and turns, and the writing is beautiful.

JEON JUNGKOOK

A Head Full of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay: Ah, the book that started it all. This is the one I’m most confident in. We follow eight year old Merry, who finds herself and her family exploited in a reality TV show based on the assumed demonic possession of her older sister, Marjorie. It’s a very difficult read. Even though it’s not clear cut, Merry clearly loves her older sister and wants her to be okay, and that’s something that reminds me of Jungkook. He’s said more than once that watching the older members of the band struggle has impacted him most throughout their career, and that’s really embedded in the narrative of this novel.

The Avant-Guards by Carly Usdin: I had to pick at least one athletic narrative for Jungkook, okay. In this series we follow former sports star Charlie, who ends up being recruited by the basketball team at her new College, and begins to carve a place for herself where she belongs. It’s an easy story and all of the characters are likeable, balancing out the competitive nature of the characters. Jungkook is someone who works out a lot but also comes across as very happy, and that’s what these characters are like!

The Magnus Chase Trilogy by Rick Riordan: One of the things I love about Jungkook is how much he cares about the other members of BTS, and Magnus Chase is exactly the same. He almost becomes a background character in the later books in order to help his friends succeed, and it’s that trait that saves their lives in the end. This is actually my favourite Rick Riordan series, so do with that what you will!

Heavy Vinyl by Carly Usdin: I literally only just realised I’ve recommended two Carly Usdin comic series’s for Jungkook, so that must mean she just writes very Jungkook-esque comics. Heavy Vinyl is set in the late 90’s and follows Chris, who has just got a job working at her favourite record store. Only there’s a bit more to the store than first meets the eye, and she’s about to be embroiled in something far larger than she ever expected. I think the active qualities of Carly Usdin’s characters remind me of Jungkook, very willing to involve themselves and do what’s right.

And those are all my recommendations!

I would love to know if you agree with any of my choices, and if you have any you’d suggest. It was so fun working on this post and I cannot wait to work on future posts in the series.

If you liked this post, consider buying me a coffee? Ko-Fi. 

Goodreads|Twitter|Instagram|Letterboxd

BTS and Books #1: Books to Read Based on Your Bias I want to disclose before I even start this post that the day I started writing this, BookTube came out with a whole load of videos inspired by Jin's birthday that follows the exact same concept.

[republicstandard]

American Autopsy: That Esquire Article

———

Social media is aflame with the vile reactions to the March 2019 Esquire article profiling an American boy, Ryan Morgan. An American boy who is, as we need to clarify these days, white.

While the anti-white reactions indeed indicate the downward spiral of our society and warrant discussion, I want to take a different approach.

We’re going to focus here on the Esquire article itself.

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The piece is a high wire balancing act, ping-ponging between the familiar anti-white line and some vague gestures towards understanding the white experience. “Gestures” being the operative word.

The article and its packaging do just enough to seem edgy in 2019 America—they have to sell magazines after all, and while most media outlets parrot the anti-white rhetoric, every so often we get an editor who wants to feel like a maverick.

Is this really anything risky though? Or is it a sleight-of-hand that’s only supposed to appear risky?

Passages of the article are banal, which seems purposeful as if to project Ryan’s voice into the writer’s. This is especially true of the awkward opening, where Ryan was expected to answer what it might be like to be a girl. Who knows how the question was posed, how the journalist spun it, and what we can or should expect from an average seventeen-year-old boy when asked about what it might be like to be a girl.

As for the main thrust of the piece, the Esquire staff knew this would cause a stir among the anti-whites, as writers and YouTubers are rightly discussing.

So let’s look at what you’re allowed to think, the furthest you’re allowed to go in the mainstream if you’re presenting a neutral profile of an individual—the escape valve, the acceptable controversy, the corporately approved rebellion Esquire is engaging in.

The article states that the subject, Ryan, lives in West Bend, Wisconsin, “one of the last Republican strongholds.”

But then it goes on to say,

“Trump held a campaign rally at its conference                   center in 2016, where he declared, ‘I’m asking for the vote of every African-American citizen struggling in our country today,’ even though only 2 percent of West Bend’s population is African-American (Whites account for 95 percent.)”

The article also makes sure to point out that the most popular opinion at West Bend High School seemed to be anti-Trump.

The high school itself is described as, “looking like a five-acre Tetris block fallen in a grass field. A guard buzzes us in. The risk of school shootings is taken seriously.” Sounds a little too reminiscent of a prison for those of us imagining ennobled Faustian societies, and how the education of the youth might look in such an order.

All this in spite of the town and high school being generally safe, with barely any violent incidents in its recent history.

So we see a major theme established: atrophy. No greatness being made again. Even in the American heartland. Even with a President in office who was supposedly dog whistling white-positive overtures while on the campaign trail.

Ryan describes a loss of agency he’s experienced, not trusted because he’s a straight white male.

While discussing social media, he’s quoted as saying,

“I’d post a comment, and the replies would all be the same thing: ‘You’re stupid, and that’s dumb’ or ‘You suck’ or ‘You’re straight, you can’t talk about something LGBT.’”

We learn that Ryn takes in all perspectives and now makes sure to watch both Fox News AND CNN. He leans rights but has embraced the center. So the general reader is meant to lap up this conclusion: Ryan sidestepped the pitfalls of slipping further into the right wing and the scourge of identity politics.

The article makes a comment on how Ryan doesn’t fit into social cliques, notably indicating that he doesn't spend time with, in his own words, “white guys who all hang out with their trucks and guns and say, ‘Heil Trump’ and all that.” Other cliques were listed in the article, and all must have been mentioned by Ryan when the writer, Jennifer Percy, was interviewing him. But only this “white Heil Trump” group was put in quotes, put in Ryan’s own words. A telling detail.

Nevertheless, Ryan is ultimately presented as a representative of Trump’s base, albeit more level-headed. Despite that, we hear no positive political reasoning or viewpoints from Ryan.

We’ll have wait for the subsequent articles in this Esquire series that present the diversity crew, but something tells me that those kids will be more outspoken and opinionated. Esquire wouldn’t dare profile a budding James Allsup, for example, someone who could have debated finer points of white identity and offer critiques of multiculturalism.

Of course, I’m not attacking Ryan himself. I’m analyzing the magazine’s choice of profiling him, the slice they are presenting—as the edge of acceptability, no less. You get the impression that their subject, Ryan, is just, kind of...floating.

Ryan is quoted as saying: “It’s better to be a moderate, because then you don’t get heat. We want everyone to be happy.”

This is the Peterson Principle, everyone!

Another young white male saved from taking too strong a stance for his identity. From caring too much about his European heritage and the European civilization in which he lives. All this despite the swarms currently belching their contempt on social (and professional) media over the mere fact that you’re even hearing from Ryan.

Maybe he’s hiding his power levels, who knows? But we have to assess what we’re being shown.

There’s a passage where a teacher of his makes a gesture towards fairness—much like the article itself—in having the class sing two songs, one representative of liberal views, the other of conservative views.

Putting aside the childishness of having high school seniors participate in a singalong as a lesson, the liberal song contains lyrics with a positive vision while the conservative paints a picture of fear and destruction.

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The article tells us,

“The Liberal Song” is set to the tune of “Ode to Joy.” Mr. Inkmann offers to sing first before everyone joins in. “If I were a liberal, liberal, life would be so very great,” the lyrics read, “knowing that in liberal land this other man could marry me.” ...“The Conservative Song,” set to the tune of “Beer Barrel Polka,” includes lines like “I hate social programs, they really make me want to puke / I would rather use the money for a two-ton nuke” and “Welfare is not good, before we had it, people tried / And I hope the biggest criminals are electrified!”

When mainstream news media is referenced, only one fall from grace bears mentioning, that of Fox News pundit, Bill O’Reilly.

We see a rather unmissable portrait outlined: conservatism and its avatars in traditional white America are on the wane. This way of life and these people are losing their grip. When one realizes Wisconsin is set to be a swing state come the 2020 Presidential election, we get an even better idea of why Ryan Morgan of West Bend was chosen as the subject.

In it's general the tone the article is drab.

The accompanying photographs convey a detached, almost bored eye. The colors and emotions expressed are often bland, save for one sweet photo of Ryan carrying his girlfriend on his back, both smiling.

We hear of Ryan’s divorced parents at a couple of points. They live as far away from each other as legally possible for having joint custody. When they meet bi-monthly at a parking lot to exchange him, Ryan’s parents park their cars in opposite directions so that they don’t even see each other. Fracture and sadness abound in modern America.

Esquire is showing you a snapshot of something in decline. Through the semblance of presenting something fair, interesting, or controversial—depending on who you ask— you can feel this sort of exposé throwing a deathly pall over white America.

While Ryan indeed seems like a good kid, Esquire shows its hand in choosing him because there’s a troubling story from his past woven throughout the article. There had been an incident where a girl at school slapped him, and he then slapped her back.

There were ramifications that followed and even a bit of legal action.

Although we also learn that Ryan doesn’t drink or do drugs, is in advanced classes, aspires to work as an environmental scientist, getting up at 5:30 am for an internship at a water plant, and seems like he genuinely wants to do right by people, this specter of the incident with the girl haunts the article, repeated at intervals.

The message is this: no matter how upstanding a young white man may seem, there could be a woman beater lurking inside.

There could be a hater lurking inside.

He is born guilty, always carrying the stain.

So step back, be mild, be moderate, stay in the center. Take in the perspectives of the margins as if they drive society and don’t question it.

If you color outside these lines, you risk becoming a monster. Be a nice Jekyll and let the new culture ministers continually browbeat you to prevent the ugly Hyde from emerging.

This is the sandbox you are allowed to play in, white man.

We’re shown the outer edges of that sandbox in this article. As mentioned, many are indeed vehemently pushing back against this article even existing “in the current year.”

Every so often, the white man may be acknowledged in new media. But even that is becoming verboten.

The sandbox is shrinking.

Don’t say anything.

As Ryan himself stated, quoted on the magazine cover,

“I know what I can’t do… I just don’t know what I can do.”

from Republic Standard | Conservative Thought & Culture Magazine http://bit.ly/2Ij9qGm via IFTTT