#i just gave up on the franchise at that point bc like wtf was that mess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ialreadyreadthatfanfic · 5 years

Text

Charles Xavier Is A Huge Dick: The Movie

or,

X-Men: Dark Phoenix

Hey, if you haven’t seen the movie yet and don’t want to be spoiled, you probably should stop reading!

I watched the new X-Men movie. Not only I’m that annoying cinema-goer that sits behind you and mocks the movie audibly during the seance, oh no, I’m also that annoying cinema-goer that comes back home and makes a bitchy tumblr post about the movie.

But, guys, that was so bad.

First off: I’m convinced that upon reading the script, James MacAvoy and Sophie Turner instantly lost the will to act, because we’ve all certainly seen far better performances from both of them.

My other theory is that the director simply told them not to bother, because this was, as far as I can tell, a deliberate franchise-killer.

The scene-by-scene description of the train-wreck under the cut for the curious.

PROLOGUE

We open the movie with the scene where young Jean Grey and her parents are in car crash, because Jean Cannot Control Her Powers. The kid survives; the parents aren’t so lucky. This scene is generally inoffensive, if predictable.

From now on, young Jean Grey behaves like a kid-shaped robot. Someone please write her better dialogue.

Charles Xavier arrives at the hospital, confirms her parents are dead, somewhat unenthusiastically delivers some well-worn platitudes and whisks her away to his school.

Hey, mutant powers are like pens. Especially the ones you can’t control, because sometimes pens go on a rampage and stab people in the eyes, you know, unintentionally.

(No, seriously, they went with that metaphor.)

TITLES - BACK TO THE FUTURE - or 1992, I guess, one cheer for 90s nostalgia

In effort to remind us humans that as a species we did some cool things on our way to ruining the planet, we watch the launch of a space shuttle.

Suddenly Houston, we have a problem. A sentient solar flare or something is attacking the brave astronauts! Oh no! Who’re we gonna call?!

Charles Xavier!

Like literally, the Mr. President of US of A calls Charles Xavier, like Chuck, are you watching the TV rn?, and Xavier’s like, already giddy with anticipation, Why yes, Mr. President, I see you are in a spot of trouble, and Mr. President’s like, Sooo, Chuck, I literally HATE TO ASK, BUT... and Xavier’s like, practically bouncing with glee, BUT OF COURSE, X-MEN TO THE RESCUE!!!

So Chuck sends off his chicks. Nominally, the team is under Mystique’s command. There also Hank, and baby-faced Storm, and even more baby-faced Kurt Wagner, oh yeah JEAN, she’s there too bc PLOT, and Scott was along too. Did I forget anyone?

I forgot someone, didnt I?

OH YEAH, the Quicksilver was there too. Considering how cool he was in earlier movie(s?), it’s kinda sad that he’s largely inconsequential here and I forgot about his existence about halfway through.

Charles calls Houston on the Cerebro like a huge showoff he is, and the X-Men proceed to rescue the astronauts from weird-looking space cloud (which is of course the Phoenix Force, or whatever comics call it). There’s some cool looking scenes here where X-Men use their powers, but they’re just window dressing for the main plot:

Charles Xavier is being a huge dick, backseat driving this mission through Cerebro and not trusting Mystique’s judgement.

BTW, Mystique might be the only character in the movie who behaves like a sensible person, which is why she’s not there for very long.

Anyway the scene goes like this:

Mystique: we saved ALL BUT ONE astronaut! Coming back for that one guy is super risky and probably will only lead to more deaths! I’m cutting my loses like sensible field leader!

Prof X: OH NO YOU WON’T get back for that one guy or the whole mission is a failure!!!

Mystique: WTF??!! That’s crazy, we will get killed!

Prof X: But it’s better to throw away our lives than have less than 100% record on rescue mission, because if we give humans even slightest pretext, they will instantly revert back to hating us, see? The President will stop taking my calls, people will want to arrest us for property damage, and neutralize our powers and stick us in prison for mutants.

Mystique: ...seriously, why am I on your side again?!

Prof X: Just have Kurt take Jean to the shuttle and she’ll hold it intact while he looks for the guy! Raven, I want to remind you I can bitch at you telepathically anytime, anywhere, for the rest of your life!

Mystique: DAMN YOU FINE

So they do it. Kurt manages to rescue the guy, but not Jean. The shuttle blows to bits around her. We are supposed to be sad for 2 seconds there, but then the Phoenix Flare swallows her, she survives, X-Men return to Earth with the astronauts and are showered with praise from adoring masses who stand there with cutesy sings to welcome them upon landing. Whatever.

Jean has a conversation with Scott where they mack on each other and she reassures him She’s Never Been Better, Really, I Feel Great After That Traumatic Experience, and Scott is like, IDK but okay?? I guess??

And Hank checks her out too, and her power is OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND, but Jean’s like, chill, I feel greeeeeat, so Hank’s like, the only problem with this situation is that I need to design a better power-meter!! Ha ha!

Meanwhile, back to plot A, where Charles Xavier continues to be a huge dick. Mystique calls him out about his control freak thing, Charles responds by being a sanctimonious asshole because it’s not like he ever learns or grows as a person in these movies, you know, and Mystique basically throws her arms up and storms out, which is a good representation for audience reaction at that point. Her parting shot is one of like two good lines in the whole movie:

Mystique: And anyway, as far as I can see, the women saved the day again! Maybe you should think about renaming us X-Women!

The movie will shortly repay her for that, don’t worry.

Some other things happen. Creepy aliens looking for Phoenix Booster covertly invade Earth. Mystique goes to Hank and says, hey so Charles is being a huge dick and a total control freak. I’m kinda fed up with him, maybe it’s time to move out and start living our own life? To which Hank is like, IDK Raven do even have a life outside X-Men, and I don’t want to move out of my lab, and Mystique is like, ugh okay I’ll stay.

Jean gets upset at the party and pushes some people over in midst of Phoenix breakdown, which makes everyone panic. Charles notices that her power is now OVER 9000 and he can’t just go and fuck around in her mind anymore, so the logical solution is to use Cerebro to do that anyway.

It turns out that Phoenix thing not only amplified Jean’s power, it also dissolved mental blocks Charles put in her mind to hide a terrible truth from her: her father survived the car crash. In fact, with her powers, she can find her father right now! Jean, in midst of her generic emotional crisis, blows out of the school to do exactly that, because she feels alone and misunderstood and betrayed, man.

It turns out he willingly gave her up and I guess hates her because she caused the accident by putting her mother to sleep while driving. Jean is pretty upset and about to smite the whole neighbourhood, when the X-Men arrive.

This is how X-Men discreetly take care of their business: They suit up in their official uniforms and take their official super-advanced jet and land it on the street, so everyone around will know what’s up. The only thing they were missing while confronting Jean was the transparent with the word INTERVENTION.

Jean freaks out, X-Men try to fight her, they all cause maximum collateral damage possible, there’s police, Mystique tries to talk Jean down, Jean semi-accidentally kills Mystique by pushing her over and impaling her on some wooden debris.

It’s all very badly written and feels utterly cheap and is a total waste of character. Frankly, the scene made me angry and not much else. But since the whole movie revolves on the fact that everyone is an idiot, Mystique didn’t go there anyway, I guess.

Anyway, it furthers three things:

Plot A, Charles is reaching new heights of being a huge dick wherein he goes to sprout platitudes at Hank, who predictably doesn’t want to listen to him and lashes out, to which Charles reacts very maturely by being OFFENDED, because Raven was HIS sister, OBVIOUSLY he’s the MOST injured party here! (No, seriously, he pretty much says that).

Plot B, Hank needs to be a bigger idiot, to which we will come back in a moment.

Plot C, Jean Grey is now Public Enemy Number One and all people are back to hating humans! The President literally stopped taking Xavier’s calls, people want to arrest X-Men for property damage, neutralize their powers and stick them in prison for mutants.

Oh, and aliens are tracking Jean to get the Phoenix Power or whatever.

Jeans next move is to go visit Erik Lehnsherr, who is living like a hobo in Genosha with a handful of like-minded mutants. She wants to ask him for life advice, I guess, because when Charles Xavier is being a huge dick and hiding your memories of your childhood trauma from you without your consent, Magneto is the only alternative.

Too bad she wants advice on Not Killing People With My Powers When I’m Kinda Upset With Them. It’s unsurprising that Erik Lehnsherr, who spend his whole life Deliberately Killing People With His Powers Because He Was Very Upset With Them, can’t really relate.

This upsets Jean further, and she demonstrates that by attacking US soldiers who came to Genosha to arrest them and doing her best to kill them. Then she flies off to drink in a bar, where an alien picks her up, because it wants to show her the whole wide world or something.

Let’s come back to plot B for a moment, which is Hank being an idiot. Hank is very distraught and wants to kill Jean. So Hank goes to Magneto.

Hank: I want to kill Jean and I need your help with that.

Erik: Wait, what? Why?

Hank: She killed Mystique!

Erik, already frothing at the mouth: ...let me grab my I’m Being A Huge Idiot Helmet, Hank, and we can commence the business of killing.

So the aliens are pitching their “Let’s Re-Create The Earth In Your Image” campaign to Jean, which can be done only in a New York townhouse, specifically in a very special bedroom (...oh hey, I didn’t pick up on that creepy vibe until now!).

Jean is largely convinced, because in this movie characters just go back and forth as the plot demans.

So both Charles and Erik with their lackeys track down Jean, and have a huge fight in front of the above-mentioned townhouse, with lots and lots of collateral damage while they debate who is right. Before that, Erik has the second good line in the movie, which is used to rightfully call out Charles:

Erik: You’re always sorry and there’s always a speech. But no one wants to listen anymore.

Anyway, X-Men and the mutants beat up each other, Erik gets into the house and fails to kill Jean, then Charles gets in the house and tries to talk down Jean, which is followed by perhaps the most genuinely disquieting scene in the movie, in which Jean uses her telekinesis to destroy the wheelchair and force Charles to walk up the stairs.

They have an exchange that is supposed to be hopeful and heartwarming and so on, but by this point I’m fed up with this world movie.

Jean rejects the aliens’ campaign, so the alien head honcho attempts to suck out the Phoenix Dust out of her, and partially succeeds, but is interrupted midway and knocked out. All the mutants are arrested, put into special shackles restricting their powers and put on a train which is going straight to special prison for mutants.

Don’t worry, we’re in the last stretch.

Aliens need the rest of Phoenix Macguffin, so they ambush the train. There’s a big action scene, everyone is fighting the aliens, there are a few cool shots but beyond that I’m blanking. In the end Jean awakens, wipes the floor with the aliens, and when the alien head honcho tries to emotionally blackmail her into not eviscerating its hide, she grabs it, flies up into the sky and explodes them both.

Much sad. Very sacrifice. Such tears etc etc etc.

AN EPILOGUE, FINALLY

The situation returns to the status quo, except some people are dead.

The humans were about to lock up mutants in a prison like five minutes earlier, but nobody mentions that. Guess everyone forgot about that.

As far as I can tell, nobody except X-Men noticed that Earth was about to be invaded by aliens.

The school is renamed after Jean Grey.

Hank is the new headmaster. On his desk, a cheesy nostalgic photo of Mystique.

Charles, despite seemingly getting a pass on his dickishness on every turn in this narrative, is Worn Down By His Losses and retires. He occupies his time by brooding morosely at a cafe in unspecified European-looking country.

Erik finds him there. He is disproportionately cheery, like a man who after decades of pining finally is in a place where he can bully his longtime crush into a reluctant chess date, which he proceeds to do.

Camera pans up, to the sky. The sky gives us Phoenix Force-shaped wink.

THE END

#x men #xmdp #dark phoenix #review #spoilers #nebra original #my stuff #charles xavier is a huge dick the movie #jean grey #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr #mystique deserved better

6 notes · View notes

lovedeluxe92 · 5 years

Text

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that.

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist, but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit.

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy.

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have?

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

#tw: racism #tw: sexism #tw: suicide #tw: drugs #idk...what else to warn y'all about. just know this is a fucking #mess #i mean these arent horrific mentions of any of these things but i dont wanna trigger anyone unintentionally #better safe than sorry with tws

7 notes · View notes

kentojun · 7 years

Text

Suda Masaki’s ‘All Night Nippon’ radio show, Aug 21st, 2017 (feat. Kento) (episode 20)

☞ v long awaited translation that’s 2 weeks too late but better late than never right??! hope u enjoy it’s long af bc the show is 2 hours long um i divided it into 8 parts so its like baby chapters & you can pretend you’re reading a book or something. i also added audio links to some parts of the conversation as “(listen)” bc 1 audio is needed in some parts bc it wont make sense, 2 some parts were funny & 3 they’re cute as hell. so go grab some popcorn and your favorite beverage or s/ cuz i’m warning you it’s v long. enjoy!!

Part 1: Where and how did they meet?

❋ Masaki started the show talking about summer vacation and the weather. After a while he read some fan mail demanding him to bring Kento already. One of the fan mail was rlly fuckin weird and basically the girl was begging for Kento to go on and I guess she was moaning??? (WTF), so of course, because Masaki is Masaki he read it while moaning, which eventually lead him to introduce Kento. (listen to masaki moaning at your own risk) ❋

Masaki: This is Yamazaki Kento, everybody!!!!

Kento: *starts moaning* I’m sorry to have kept you guys waiting. I’m Yamazaki Kento, your leader and saviour, and I’ll be in your care today. (again, listen to kento moaning at your own risk. disclaimer! its grosser than masaki’s)

Masaki: Hey, are you okay? What did your manager tell you earlier?

Kento: Hmm… before I came here he told me, “I believe in you.”

Masaki: Won’t you get in trouble for what you just did?

Kento: I think it’s fine. I haven’t actually said anything bad.

Masaki: Oh, okay. Well, when was the first time we met each other?

Kento: I think it was when I was 16 years old at the set of the movie ‘Kirin no Tsubasa’.

Masaki: Oh, yeah. But why did we get closer after that? From what I remember, after that I went to a baseball field where there were a lot of actors playing and you were there. That day you were wearing a New Era cap with a short sleeved t-shirt and shorts and you were wearing Hello Kitty sandals, and you came up to me and asked me, “Suda-san, what kinds of clothes should I wear?”

Kento: Yup.

Masaki: I think that that conversation was when we actually met and I thought to myself, “Wow he’s so adorable” And I responded to you telling you that you had a great body and your face was cute so you didn’t have to worry and that you should just wear simple clothes.

Kento: Yeah, I agree.

Masaki: What?

Kento: I have a great body and my face is cute. I’m an amazing person.

Masaki: *laughs* You’re right. How long ago was that?

Kento: I was wearing really hideous clothes back then and Suda-kun was so fashionable. I was even wearing a Hello Kitty New Era cap that I had gotten from a friend.

Masaki: Where do they even sell a Hello Kitty New Era cap?

Kento: Maybe in Harajuku?

Masaki: Oh, okay, so that’s how we met.

Kento: And then yeah, I thought you were very fashionable. I used to think to myself, “Why am I the only one wearing Hello Kitty?”. So I went up to you and told you, “I want to buy clothes.” I think that’s how it all started.

Masaki: Oh, yeah. After that, your manager was mad at me for taking you around.

Kento: Right. We went to eat ramen and bought clothes in Harajuku.

Masaki: Kento was the one who asked me to show him around, but I was the one who got in trouble.

Kento: I think that that was my manager’s way of saying that he trusts you.

Part 2: Kento used to steal Masaki’s clothes

Kento: I used to go to your house and you used to give me a lot of your clothes.

Masaki: Yeah… Wait, no, that’s not true. It’s more like you didn't stop stealing them from me.

Kento: You’re right. I always stole them.

Masaki: The legend that is Yamazaki Kento that I remember was that he would take off the clothes he was wearing and leave them there, and he would leave wearing my clothes.

Kento: Right.

Masaki: But the other day, recently, you came to my house. That day I was so proud of you. You stopped stealing my clothes. I mean you still came over and wear my clothes, but you put it back on the hanger and you folded it. So when I saw this new side of you, I was like, “What? What kind of change is this?” You've become an adult, haven’t you?

Kento: Well, you see, it’s actually very simple. I have more um… money now.

Masaki: SHHH STOP! DON’T SAY THAT!

Kento: Since I have more money, I’m able to buy my own clothes.

Masaki: Right, you've become an actor now so you can buy your own meals.

Kento: Exactly.

Masaki: You have a point.

Kento: I do have a point.

Masaki: You’re right.

Kento: I’m right.

Masaki: You don’t have a reason to steal them from me anymore.

Kento: Yeah, I can buy my own stuff now!

Masaki: But do you even remember those times when you used to steal my clothes?

Kento: I do.

Masaki: Why did you do it? Did it occur to you for a second that maybe it would bother me that you would leave your dirty jeans in my house. Didn’t you feel a little bad for making me wash them? A normal person would think that.

Kento: I guess.

Masaki: What was your intention back then?

Kento: Back then I wanted you to give me your clothes. I was like, “Senpai, please give them to me.”

Masaki: So before you realized it, you were leaving with my clothes on?

Kento: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you were the one who was like, “Kento, it looks better on you.” And I would be like, “Really? Are you serious? Does it look good on me? Okay, then I’ll have it!”. So that’s why I always brought it home.

Masaki: Okay, but why didn’t you wear your own clothes when you went back home?

Kento: I always forgot.

Masaki: You would forget? Wow…. But yeah, I probably offered my clothes to you.

Kento: Yeah, one time you came to my house a few day after I went to yours and you went through my closet, and you were like, “Well, actually this is really nice,” and you took them back.

Masaki: Oh, yeah I did do that once. I went to your house and I was like, “Wow, this is actually dope. I’m going to wear it,” and I stole it back from you.

Kento: It was really sad.

Masaki: Do you still have the clothes you stole from me?

Kento: The clothes I stole from you?

Masaki: At least you admit that you stole them. But do you go to other people’s houses and steal their clothes?

Kento: No, I don’t.

Masaki: Then why did you steal them from me?

Kento: Well, it’s because you are such an open-hearted—

Masaki: I bet you threw them away.

Kento: I-I didn’t throw them away-

Masaki: YOU DEFINITELY THREW THEM AWAY!

Kento: *jokingly* N-n-no I didn’t…. I h-haven’t thrown them away.

Masaki: So you stole my clothes and you threw them away.

Kento: No, seriously, I haven’t thrown them away.

Masaki: Oh, really?

Kento: Um… it’s just that um…

Masaki: What is it?

Kento: I gave them to my cousin.

Masaki: YOU BASICALLY THREW THEM AWAY!

Kento: No, no, no, no. The clothes I got from you—

Masaki: WHY WOULD YOU GIVE MY CLOTHES TO OTHER PEOPLE. WEAR THEM!

Kento: I’m honestly very sorry for that, but I couldn’t wear them anymore. But I didn’t want to throw it away so I asked my cousin if he wanted them and he said yes, so I gave it to him.

Masaki: So why did you stopped stealing my clothes?

Kento: The reason? I don’t know… I mean, one is that I have more money now and the second reason is um…..eh?

Masaki: Wait, is this your first time on radio?

Kento: I’ve done it a couple of times for promotion.

Masaki: But you haven’t talked this much about yourself, haven’t you?

Kento: Yeah, I always talk about my movies and its plot.

Masaki: Right, right. You usually never talk about the times you stole clothes-

Kento: I haven’t stolen them!

Part 3: Manga live action adaptations

Masaki: Well today, the two actors who have done too much manga live action adaptations are reunited.

Kento: Don’t you think you’re doing too many live adaptions?

Masaki: Well, if you think of it number wise, I thought you had done a lot of live actions, but now that I think about it I think I’ve done too many. Weren’t you thinking that you’ve done more than me?

Kento: I was definitely thinking that, but when I thought about it, I was like, “Wait, what? I’m getting constantly attacked by everyone.”

Masaki: *laughs* What are you saying? It’s not like that!

Kento: I really am getting attacked, but like Suda-kun’s-

Masaki: Don’t say that. I also get attacked a lot.

Kento: Really?

Masaki: Of course.

Kento: …..

Masaki: You don’t look the least pleased right now.

Kento: No, no… But I am seriously getting attacked..

Masaki: Why do you feel that way?

Kento: Umm… Probably society’s opinion.

Masaki: Really? By the way, I watched “JOJO”.

Kento: What did you think?

Masaki: It was great and really funny. It was 100% “JOJO”.

Kento: Oh, thank you.

Masaki: Hey, but have you watched any of my movies?

Kento: I’ve watched “Death Note”, “Teiichi” and “Gintama”.

Masaki: Oh, so you’ve been watching a lot of the recent ones. Did you watch them in the movie theatre?

Kento: Yup, in the movie theatre-wait—

Masaki: You really suck at lying.

Kento: No, no, no, no, no.

Masaki: You really suck.

Kento: I watched “Death Note” in the theatre. And “Teiichi’s Country” as well. Also “Gintama”.

Masaki: You’re so annoying. So you actually watched all three in the cinema. Oh! Of the three movies you mentioned, we both starred in “Death Note”. I mean isn’t it crazy that you played ‘L’?

Kento: Yeah, I worked very hard for it.

Masaki: Not only was it cool, but it’s a role that every actor would envy playing.

Kento: Did you watch it though?

Masaki: Yeah, I actually did. Actually, while I was watching it, I remember during commercial break there was an announcement saying that they were going to make a movie version of the franchise and I was like, “Wow, they’re doing a movie as well”. And then it turned out I was going to be in the movie and I was so surprised. I was like, “I'M DOING IT?”

Kento: Oh, I didn’t know. Talking about this new era where a lot of manga live action adaptations are being done, I think we’ve both done so many.

Masaki: True, true. But it’s something that we’re both very grateful for. In spite of the fact that we’ve done so much, there are lots of different types and genres of mangas.

Kento: Yeah….. But I think I did too many shoujo mangas. It’s as simple as that.

Masaki: DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF.

Kento: You’re right. It’s not that I did too many, it’s more like I had the opportunity to do that many.

Masaki: How many times have you done kabedon?

Kento: Actually, I’ve only done it once.

Masaki: What?? Really???

Kento: I had only done it the movie “L♥DK”, but recently I did a parody version on “Saiki Kusuo”.

Masaki: Oh, yeah. I watched it in the commercials. When you did it, your broke the wall.

Kento: With that, I feel like it all became full circle. Suda-kun, have you’ve ever done kabedon?

Masaki: I actually never have. I’ve really wanted to do it for the longest time for a romantic film. And when I got casted in “Oboreru Knife”, I was like, “Yes! This is my chance”, but I ended up grabbing the girl by the neck and spitting in her face. It turned out to be a crazy story. I kind of wanted to play a character who did kabedon while saying, “I’ll always protect you”, but I just choked my lover.

Kento: I think that’s the major difference between you and I.

Part 4: Fan mail

Masaki: We’ve gotten some messages from the fans. Radio name: ryounerutouch, “Suda-san, Yamazaki-san, good evening!”

Kento: Good evening!

Masaki: “I have a T-shirt that says ‘Shimanchu’ in hiragana and a Pikatchu New Era cap in my room. Do you want to steal it?”

Kento: HEY, I DON’T NEED THAT! I’ve already graduated from character styled New Era caps! (listen)

Masaki: We received more messages. Radio name: dorodoro, “Yamazaki Kento-san, my leader and saviour, an incredible commander and ruler who’s magnificently wealthy, I want new sneakers that’s made out of a weird material. Please give me money.”

Kento: Hmm, that’s a little difficult. The contrast between the beginning of the message and the end is so big. It went from a Teiichi-kind-of-spirit, kind of like “I’M GOING TO CREATE MY OWN COUNTRY” to “I want new sneakers that’s made out of a weird material.”

Masaki: More messages. Radio name: baccars, “Yamazaki-san, in which part of Harajuku do they sell the Hello Kitty NEW ERA cap? I coincidentally want to buy that same exact cap. Would you like to go out with me to shop for it together?”

Kento: You’re just making fun of me, aren’t you?

Masaki: “Actually, I’m free next Saturday.”

Kento: Next Saturday, huh? I don’t think I can make it. By the way, that cap was a present from a friend. I didn’t buy clothes when I was younger. All my life before, I was just living off of clothes people gave to me. Either I was getting it from Suda-kun or I was getting it from another friend.

Masaki: I see. Right now, do you have things you wish to receive from people?

Kento: Well, the other day I went to your house, right?

Masaki: Did you find something you want?

Kento: Yeah.

Masaki: What was it? Dude, stop considering my closet as a base for your fashion inspiration.

Kento: It’s just that your closet looked more of a clothing store, than any other clothing store I’ve ever seen… I really wanted something… What was it? Um…… JUST GIVE ME EVERYTHING! (listen)

Masaki: Hey, everyone who’s listening. Isn’t this Yamazaki Kento different from the person you see on TV?

Kento: I agree.

Masaki: Kento-kun is actually a really funny person in real life.

*both start laughing*

Masaki: Okay, we got more messages. Radio name: nerikeshi. This seems more of a serious question. “Do you feel a lot of pressure filming live actions?”

Kento: *purposefully* Yeah, I definitely feel it. I always feel a lot of pressure when I do those types of things. I mean of course there’s that, but I think it’s very important to take that kind of pressure and try to think of it positively. I mean acting with that much pressure is-

Masaki: Dude, don’t you think you’ve suddenly become outgoing or something.

Kento: ?? Wait, what??

Masaki: Can you stop talking as if you’re on a TV programme right now.

Kento: Oh, have I made a mistake?

Masaki: Stop talking like that.

Kento: No, but seriously, I definitely feel a lot of pressure…. yeah, that’s it.

Masaki: Anyway, do you have any types of movies in mind that you would want to do with me? You know, since we haven’t filmed together in a while.

Kento: Yeah, the last time was when we did ‘35-sai no Koukosei’.

Masaki: In that drama, during one of the climax scene, there was a scene where you character freaked out holding a knife, while my character was there. You were all like, “I’m going to kill you!” It was such a scary scene for my character, so I had to act as if I were freaking out, but Kento wouldn’t stop laughing while we were filming. We couldn’t even film properly that time.

Kento: It’s because you were all like, “Ah, ah, oh my god, oh my god.”. It was hilarious. (listen to kento’s impersonation of masaki moaning)

Masaki: Yeah, it also probably had to do with the fact that we were closer friends back then. If we were to film right now, things would be a little different.

Kento: I feel like I play the hero role a lot, so I would like to play a villain for once.

Masaki: So like a Batman X Joker kind of thing.

Kento: I would be the Joker and you would be Batman.

Masaki: If any of the producers are listening to this right now, let’s make it happen.

Kento: Yeah, so I would be the villain and Suda-kun will play the hero.

Masaki: Okay.

Kento: Yeah.

Masaki: Was that your intent of trying to make a conclusion or something?

Kento: Yeah.

Masaki: If you have nothing new to say, you don’t have to say it.

Kento: Okay.

Masaki: Another message. Radio name: asakaraniku.

Kento: OKAY! What is it?

Masaki: You 100% ate something with garlic before this, didn’t you?

*kento starts bursting out of laughter* (listen)

Masaki: Hey, dude. Like suddenly it started smelling like garlic. I didn’t think that THE Yamazaki Kento ate meals with garlic in them.

Kento: Did you really smell it?

Masaki: Yeah.

Kento: Well, before this I had work related to “Saiki Kusuo” and I was with the director, Fukuda Yuuichi-san. When I told him I was going on your radio show, he invited me to go out to eat jingisukan (a japanese grilled mutton dish prepared on a convex metal skillet or other grill).

Masaki: Fukuda-san, why did you do that?

Kento: So we went to a place where the more garlic you put in your meal, the better it tasted. Because of that, we basically made our entire booth (private room) smell entirely of garlic. It was really intense.

Masaki: Stoooop it. When Kento leaves, I won’t be able to talk.

Kento: My plan was to breathe as much as possible right now.

Masaki: Okay, we got a message from asakaranikusan-san, “In your day-to-day life do you ever think to yourself, “Wow I’m so hot”?”

Kento: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Masaki: “If I were Yamazaki Kento I would definitely think so about myself.”

Kento: Well, yeah, I do think that about myself.

*masaki starts laughing*

Kento: No, seriously, I really think so.

Masaki: When does this thought occur to you in the day?

Kento: I guess the moment when I wake up and get up from my bed and look at the mirror-

Masaki: THAT EARLY?

Kento: Well when I’m thinking of brushing my teeth, I look at myself and think, “I’m so hot.”

Masaki: Are you serious?

Kento: No, I’m just joking. I don’t think about it at all. How about you, Suda-kun?

Masaki: I think about it every single day. Every second. I’m always like, “I’m so hot. I look great in every angle.” I always check myself out, all 360°, every angle.

Kento: Yeah, we’re both really hot.

Masaki: We’ve got more mail. Radio name: gorron, “Huh? What? Wait? Huh? This isn’t the Yamazaki Kento I was imagining earlier. Wait? Huh? I might like this version better. Wait? I have a strong feeling that his status as the “hot actor” is soon going to fade away (insinuating that he has the potential to be a comedian). My initial intention was to attack and hate on him, but I feel different now. What’s happening?”

Yeah I’m sorry. It seems like my fan doesn’t really like hot actors like you a lot, but it appears to be that a lot of people are feeling differently about you now.

Kento: I really like how I am today.

Masaki: Don’t say that about yourself!

Kento: *quoting “Teiichi’s Country”* I AM GOING TO CREATE MY OWN COUNTRY MYSELF! (listen).

Part 5: ‘100% Manga’ scenarios

Masaki: The next segment is called…… 100% MANGA!!! In this segment, our listeners are going to send us typical characters, their behaviours and situations that 100% occur in mangas. Today’s theme is “High School Mangas”.

Radio name: kamura, “The hottest guy in school who is very sadistic, who falls in love with a random girl in school that has no interest in him. He makes a move on her, but she ends up getting mad at him telling him to stop and go away. He looks down on her and responds by saying, “I can’t believe you don’t show the least bit of fascination towards me. You may be interesting.”

Kento: This situation has 100% continuously been done before. I mean this is something I’ve even done in my movies.

Masaki: Which movies?

Kento: If we’re talking about the movies I’ve done where this situation has appeared, to name a few there’s “L♥DK” and also “Wolf Girl and Black Prince”.

Masaki: Okay, so can you finish this part off with one final sentence?

Kento: ………………. “I can’t believe you don’t show the least bit of fashcin—fascinsh-”

Masaki: Okay, you’re done. (listen) Next one. Radio name: tonpicchon.

Kento: Tonpicchon! Picchontee~

Masaki: Wait a minute. I want to apologize to everyone for putting this show on hold, but I’m going to warn Kento for a second.

Kento: Okay.

Masaki: Can you stop bothering me when I’m reading the messages?

Kento: What?

Masaki: Like can you stop saying things like ‘picchontee’.

Kento: Choppintee~?

Masaki: Choppintee is also prohibited. The problem is not the actual word. Okay, I’m going to start over. Radio name: tonpicchon.

*kento laughs*

Masaki: I’m serious, stop. Time is running out. (listen)

Kento: Sorry, go on.

Masaki: “The setting is a study session. The main girl goes to her crush’s house for that reason. When they finally have some alone time together in his room, they lean over to kiss, but in that moment his mother comes in the room to bring tea or his siblings come in to disturb them. Because of that, they quickly step back and move awkwardly and the boy moves his hand on the wall and is looking at his feet.”

Kento: I don’t really feel it.

Masaki: Really?? I mean you’ve never done a scene where the characters are doing a study session, right?

Kento: Nope.

Masaki: It might be because of that. Okay, let’s go on to the next message. Radio name: natsuki, “The situation consists of a new hot male student changing schools. Soon the entire class finds out that the girl, who is the main character, knows this new student and, apart from the fact that he sits next to her in class, she is assigned to show him around school.”

Kento: This 100% has happened. I’ve done this type of scene in my movie “Orange”. Basically, wait. I probably shouldn’t say this. It might be kind of rude.

Masaki: You shouldn’t say it if you think you shouldn’t.

Kento: Well, “Orange” is an amazing and a very well written movie, and since it has a very sad plot it’s kind of hard for me to say this, but in the movie I play a student who changed schools and on his very first day he is assigned to sit next to a girl, who he’s kind of interested in. And from then on sparks fly.

Masaki: Now that I think about it, you’re so lucky. You’ve done so many romantic movies. I never get those types of roles.

Kento: I’m sure you have.

Masaki: No, not at all. My roles are either virgins or (japanese) yankiis.

Kento: No, but I always play virgins as well. They don’t seem like it, but they’re actually pure.

Masaki: I see.

Kento: We finally have something in common.

Masaki: Stop, don’t say that. It’s going to be on the news tomorrow: “Suda Masaki and Yamazaki Kento share in common their virginities.” Don’t try digging up something that’s not true.

Okay, next message. Radio name: anohinorieko, “A second male lead character who throughout the movie is supporting and helping the female lead, but in the doesn't make a move on her or taking their relationship to the next level. All through the movie he is seen to be having her back pushing her to finally be with another boy. After that, he 100% leans on the wall and slowly sits on the floor and says as he looks at his ceiling, “What am I even doing?”

Kento: I haven starred in this, but that’s literally the plot of the movie “Strobe Edge” by Yamada Yuki, who plays Ando-kun.

Masaki: STOP SAYING THE TITLE OF MOVIES THAT ARE NOT YOURS (psa: I don’t think he’s allowed to talk about it). But have you done a movie like this?

Kento: I actually have. Can I try imitating the second male lead character?

Masaki: Sure.

Kento: “Ehhhhhhh…… What am I even doing?” (listen)

Masaki: Are you sure you’ve done this type or role? What even was that “ehhhh”?

Kento: I was imagining my character in the bathtub saying that….. Can I do it again please?

Masaki: Okay, do it again.

Kento: “AHHhhhhaHHH. WHAT am I even doinG?” (listen)

Masaki: I see, I see.

Kento: Can you do it now? Do it with the intention of giving me butterflies.

Masaki: *whispers* “Ahhhhhh. What am I even doing?” (listen)

Kento: It felt great in my ears.

Masaki: Well that’s it for the “100% Manga” segment.

Kento: What? I’m so sad.

Masaki: We do it every week so it’s fine. Have you even listened to this before?

Kento: I’ve liste—I’ve never listened to it.

Masaki: *laughs* It’s fine.

*outro music starts playing*

Masaki: “What am I even doing?”

Kento: “I guess it’s fine if she’s happy.”

Part 6: More fan mail

Masaki: How are you, Kento-san?

Kento: I’m having so much fun right now.

Masaki: We got new messages for you. Radio name: houdoman, “Kento-kun, it’s so funny! Yeah, yeah. Today’s show is so funny. The only this is that I think that you’re too getting to cocky right now, just a teeny bit. I mean, you’re doing such a great job so just continue by being a little bit calmer.”

Kento: I-I’m so sorry. I’ll be sure to read the atmosphere from now on.

Masaki: I think you’re fine. Don’t worry.

Kento: Really? Am I okay? Am I still alive?

Masaki: You’re still alive, don’t worry.

Kento: If you say so….. I’LL CONTINUE THE REST OF THE SHOW LIKE THIS! (listen)

Masaki: Next message. Radio name: mall, “Kento, dude, you’re getting too fucking cocky by the minute. Since you’ve gone on the mikoshi (divine palanquin), it looks like you’ve been enjoying yourself quite a lot and you’ve been acting so arrogant. We’re not afraid of letting you go and dropping you. Were you not aware that we have dedicated all our lives to celebrate and carry amazing people on our shoulders You dumbass!” (obv this a v exaggerated joke)

Kento: My deepest apologies. I was doing it because I wanted the listeners to enjoy today’s show, but I didn’t imagine the reaction to turn out like this. From now on I—I’ll-

Masaki: Kento, it's fine. Calm down and drink a little bit of water.

*slurps*

Masaki: He doesn’t feel bad at all.

Kento: IT TASTES SO GOOOOD~ IT’S DELIIICIOUSS~~~ (listen)

Masaki: Radio name: moromoro, “I personally love all of Kento’s work, but I also think that he gets attacked a lot for it as well. But I love your work! I think “Your Lie in April” is the best!”

Kento: Umm… you could of left it just as “I love your work”. It hurts more when other people tell me that I get a lot of hate, than me just admitting to it.

*masaki starts laughing*

Masaki: Well you were the one who started saying those things about being attacked.

Kento: I shouldn’t have even mentioned it.

Masaki: After this segment finishes, we’re going to have to say goodbye to Yamazaki Kento-kun.

Kento: Ehh, I’m sad.

Masaki: What are you going to do? Are you going to stay here?

Kento: I think I’m going to leave once.

Masaki: What do you mean you’re going to leave once? Does that mean you’re coming back?

Kento: I think I’m going to go to the bathroom and stuff.

Masaki: There are more messages coming in. Radio name: omoshirosugiman, “I have a line that I want both of you to say: “Let’s go watch the fireworks next week. Just the two of us.””

Kento: “Let’s go watch the fireworks. Just the two of us.” (listen)

Masaki: Wowww.

Kento. I think I did a really great job right now. Now it’s your turn.

Masaki: “Let’s go see fireworks next week. Just the two of us.” (listen)

Kento: Ohh… That sounded really nice.

Masaki: Since it’s summer, I tried a sexier kind of tone. We got another messages from jamuoojiobasan, “Excuse me, but I realized in the middle of the show that something was wrong, but Kento Yamazaki…. are you really that stupid? I apologize if I’m in the wrong right now, but are you stupid?”

Kento: Nooo. My name means ‘clever person’ so there is no way I’m stupid. It’s impossible. To write my name, you literally have to write ‘clever human’ (賢: clever; 人: human). *masaki is dying of laughter during this* It’s a name that my father and mother chose and took their time to think over. They named me that because they believed in me and thought it was the best fit for me. But that’s my opiniooon.

Masaki: We got more messages from jeankeijean, “Suda-san, Yamazaki-san, please let me request a line for you guys to say. Please say, “Do you want to come over since I’m good at making rice balls?”” (It’s kind of a tongue twister when you say it in japanese)

Kento: I’m going to go for a natural kind of way to say it. *does the exact opposite* “Do you want to come over since I’m good at making rice balls?”

Masaki: Hey, hey, hey. You’re just fooling around.

Kento: It’s really hard to say it, just try. Do you want to—do you want to- What?

Masaki: Okay, I’ll try. *says it perfectly* “Do you want to come over since I’m good at making rice balls?”

Kento: Wow, you’re so good.

Masaki: Why don’t you try saying it again?

Kento: “Do you want to come over……. since I’m good at making… rice balls?”

*starts laughing*

Masaki: Why can’t you do it?

Kento: I don’t know. (listen)

Masaki: But wait, what kind of line is this? WAIT. Why did this person make us say this?

Kento: She probably wanted us to make rice balls.

Masaki: Why would someone go to another person’s house because of their rice ball skills? Anyway, radio name: shindome, "I want you to guys say this line-”

Kento: “Hey, let’s go catch it… THAT BIG ASS BEETLE TOGETHER!” (listen) ….. I was aiming for that whole “battling each other” kind of scene. It wasn’t really that good… Can you say it next?

Masaki: Kento- kun, you want me to do it?

Kento: Please ♥︎

Masaki: Let’s go catch it… that big ass beetle together ♥︎ (listen)

Kento: That was kind of sexy.

Masaki: Is anyone even enjoying this?

Kento: Is this okay for you guys?

Masaki: I feel like the only thing we’re doing is pouring our heart out for this.

Kento: Yeah, I’m sweating in weird places right now.

Masaki: What even was this segment? Kento-kun, do you want to rest a little?

Part 7: Even more fan mail & Kento’s mannerisms towards Masaki

Kento: “There’s this person I like that doesn’t look at me nor pay much attention to me. Are you asking me what I should do? Do you know why giraffes have long necks? It’s to eat the leaves of tall trees. What am I trying to say is that, in order to be with someone you can’t reach, the only possible way to reach them is to be a giraffe. All you have to do is make your neck longer slowly and steadily, and you’ll be fine. Any person would look at someone who has a long neck. I’m sure she’ll look at your neck. So the only thing left is to wait for your neck to get long. THIS WAS YAMAZAKI’S KENTO ALL NIGHT NIPPON!”

I was so annoying just now.

Masaki: Yeah, you sounded really stupid. By the way, we forced him to say this.

Kento: Exactly, it was in the script.

Masaki: Sure, but no one told you to read it like that…

Kento: It was really fun.

Masaki: We have more messages! Radio name: soshitarasoredekekkoudesu. “Recently Suda-san —although he really doesn’t have to— has been training to get a little muscular. Has Kento-san been training as well?”

Kento: I have. I’ve been going to the gym a lot.

Masaki: Wasn't there a time long ago when you suddenly became so big (fit)? It was right in the moment when I was training for the boxing movie.

Kento: But didn’t you get so thin right after that?

Masaki: Yeah, that was for ‘Teiichi’. In terms of getting fit and gaining weight, do you do it because they tell you to or do you do it on your own will?

Kento: Well, for ‘JOJO’, when I read the manga, my character is obviously so big and muscular, so I know I had to do it.

Masaki: Yeah, he’s not even full Japanese.

Kento: I ended up gaining 10kg.

Masaki: Wow, really? I also gained 10kg for the boxer role, but it’s so hard to gain weight. It's way easier to lose weight than to gain.

Kento: I agree.

Masaki: Are there any other roles that you feel that you put a lot of effort in?

Kento: Yeah, all my roles. No, but in all seriousness, for example, for “Death Note”, when I was filming the drama, I was still filming “Mare”. I was already thin when I was filming “Mare”, so I decided to lose more weight filming “Death Note” because I thought it was better for the appearance for my character. How about you?

Masaki: The only times I changed my weight for a role was for “Princess Jellyfish” and for the boxer. I haven’t trained much for my roles. Until what age do you think you’ll be able to wear a school uniform? When it was announced that I was going to star in “My Little Montster”, I commented that it was going to be the last time that I was going to wear a uniform for a movie. I remember you said a while back that you weren’t going to do more roles wearing uniforms, but…

Kento: I definitely think I’ve worn a lot of uniforms in my career.

Masaki: Up until now, what color blazers have you worn for your roles?

Kento: There’s a lot. Green, black, navy blue, brown, black.. But I’ve also worn jackets, chouran (”JOJO” style uniform)…

Masaki: For “My Little Monster”, my blazer was orange. And when I looked at myself wearing the blazer, I thought that that would be my last high schooler role. I thought that because I used to wear Gakuran (a type of Japanese school uniform with a stand-up collar, a long jacket and loose pants X) back when I was in high school. People who used to wear Gakuran get embarassed when they were blazers. Do you feel that?

Kento: When I was in high school, since I wore a blazer, in my first role where I had to put on a blazer, it felt good.

Masaki: How old are you? You’re 22, right?

Kento: Yeah, I’m almost 23.

Masaki: What do you want for your birthday?

Kento: I want you to take me to a thrift-store that you go to often. We haven’t been to one in a while.

Masaki: Oh, yeah, by the way, I want to confront you about something. One day, suddenly, you started talking to me in tameguchi (In japanese depending who you’re talking to, you have to speak in one way or another. Obviously if you’re talking to someone who’s older that you, you talk in a more respectful and formal manner aka keigo and if you’re talking to a really close friend or a family member, you talk in a informal manner aka tamego). I really don’t care what kind of way you talk to me, but—

Kento: *talking in tamego* Oh, really?

Masaki: STOP THAT!

Kento: Suda-kun, suda-kun.

Masaki: Stop pointing at me… Anyway, one day, you were like, “It’s okay if I just call you Masaki, right?”

Kento: Oh, yeah.

Kento: You always called me Suda-kun, but one day you asked me that. Actually, when you started calling me Masaki, I was really happy. I mean, technically, age-wise you should be talking to me in keigo, but I didn’t really care. But recently, when we’re texting, you always talk to me in keigo.

Kento: The thing is… *in tamego* Listen, okay, so… *in keigo* Please listen to me.

Masaki: Stop!

Kento: Well, you’re my senpai….. You’re not only my senpai in my life, but you’re my…… you’re just my senpai in my life, basically.

Masaki: Oh, so there’s no and?

Kento: *in tamego* If I become too friendly with you, I’ll end up talking to you in tamego. *in keigo* I’ll end up talking to you in tamego. So, before I was like, “I’m going to talk to you in tamego!” But then I realized that you’re my senpai.

Masaki: So when you started using tameguchi, you felt weird?

Kento: Yeah, I don’t know why. *in tamego* But Suda-kun, you’re um… you’re…

*masaki laughs*

Kento: You’re the eldest.

Masaki: You mean between my brothers? Yeah, I’m the eldest of three.

Kento: Between your siblings, the youngest is Kento, right? I also happen to be the youngest.

Masaki: Oh, so the same “Kento” connection. You see, this is really confusing. My younger brother’s name is also Kento. How about in your family?

Kento: I have an older brother. I’m the younger one.

Masaki: I see. So what you’re trying to say is that I, Masaki, the eldest of my siblings, whose youngest brother is called Kento, and you, Kento, the youngest sibling, who has an older brother, is the reason why you use keigo with me.

Kento: Well, kind of. But other that, you’re really good at cooking.

Masaki: Have I made you food before?

Kento: Yeah. I'll never forget the curry you once made me.

Masaki: You’re such a liar.

Kento: The avocado cream curry that you made me—

Masaki: That's so nostalgic. You had so many refills that day. You told me that you wanted the sweet version and the spicy version, so I had to use two frypans to make it for the day after.

Kento: Exactly.

Masaki: I remember being like, “Aren’t I your senpai? Why do I have to make two types of curry for you?”

Kento: It’s because you’re nice.

Masaki: I remember in one plate you had on the right side the sweet version and on the left the spicy one.

Kento: Well, Suda-kun, apart from being my senpai, to me you’re kind of like an older brother figure to me. I can’t call you Masaki.

Masaki: I guess. I mean, if anything you should call me by my real name.

*and in that moment your heart skipped a beat. “his rEAL NAME?????”, you must be thinking. he’s right. his name is fake. now you guys are probably screaming. “but i thought his name was suda masaki” BITCH IT AINT. DONT WORRY LIL FELLA IM GOIN THRU THIS RN. AFTER 11 MONTHS OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, AFTER WATCHING 10 MOVIES, 3 DRAMAS, BUYING 2 SOLO SINGLES & MANY MAGAZINES AND WATCHING HUNDREDS OF HIS INTERVIEWS I NEVER KNEW THAT ‘SUDA MASAKI’ WASN’T HIS REAL NAME. THE WORLD IS QUAKING, THE DINASOURS ARE RESURRECING & SATAN HAS RISEN WE ARE ALL SHOOK. ARE YALL READY TO HEAR HIS FUCKING NAME OH MY GOD ITS (no offence ily bb) but iTS THE UGLIEST THING YOULL EVER HEAR (im totally kidding) ITS… ITSS….. SUGOU TAISHOU.

and this is my queue to jump off a cliff :))) antiways here are some text posts i made when i found out about this fake ass lil bitch x x x x x

ok lets get back to the show*

Masaki: It seems like the show is coming to an end.

Kento: Are you serious?

Masaki: We have a new message. Radio name: mokemokestudio, “I’ve never seen such a ridiculously free-spirited actor in my life.”

Kento: Thank you.

Masaki: “You were really great, but you were also really annoying. Kento, good job! Thank you.”

Kento: Thanks, mokemoke!

Masaki: But wasn’t this a surprise for everyone? You know, this raw-kind-of-Kento. You’ve never had the opportunity to talk like this before, right?

Kento: Yeah, it was so much fun. I don’t want to leave. I think you’re amazing. Just thinking about the fact that you do this every week alone is amazing.

Masaki: *laughs* I would appreciate it if you tell me these kind words after the show ends.

Kento: Bu—but you’re my senapi.

Masaki: Stop! Don’t pretend like you meant what you just said. Just leave.

*outro music starts*

Masaki: Today’s guest was Yamazaki Kento! Thank you so much!

Kento: Thank you so much! Suda-kun, thank you so much!

Masaki: Any last words you want to say?

Kento: Ok….. Suda-kun, I love you.

Masaki: Are you okay with that being your last words?

Kento: Um… What should I say?……. *quoting “JOJO”* This was great! (listen)

Part 8: Last & final goodbye!

❋ masaki now alone ❋

Masaki: Yamazaki Kento really is gone now. He’s a really funny guy. We have received a lot of messages concerning him. Radio name: moufu, “Just before the commercial started, right after his embarrassing confession, he ended with an A+ comment. Kento is really amazing.” Right? He started saying, “I love you” and all that nonsense and ruined the mood, but he ended with “This was great.” It was like BAM!!! He’s the type of guy that when he puts his heart into something, he does it perfectly. Let’s hope that he comes back in the future.

. . . .

❋ while Masaki was finishing the show, Kento started bothering him ❋

Masaki: Guys, wait a minute. I’m so sorry, but I’m going to put this on hold for a second. While I was reading your guys’ messages, Yamazaki Kento-kun just came back and is next to me with his arm around me, and he won’t stop taking pictures of me. You can hear the shutter right? He's so annoying. When are you going to seriously leave?

Kento: *starts laughing* I'll leave, don’t worry.

Masaki: No, no, no. Don’t say “I’ll leave, don’t worry.”

Kento: Suda-kun.

Masaki: What?

Kento: Suda Masaki’s All Night Nippon!

Masaki: Yeah, and? Earlier you ended it so perfectly with “This was great!”

Kento: Oh—oh, okay. I’ll leave then.

Masaki: You smell like garlic! LEAVE!

Kento: Bye, Suda-kun!

Masaki: Bye!… Are you seriously going to end it like this?

Kento: It was great.

Masaki: Hmm? It’s a bit different…

Kento: Bye!…. Thankyousomuch!

Masaki: Stop!

Kento: Good morning!

Masaki: Even though it’s past midnight don’t say good morning.

Kento: Thank you so much! (listen)

❀um yea congrats if you read everything!!! please like this post if you have bc this was so TIME CONSUMING so i want to know if people actually care or even read this bc if not fuck yall i wont do more in the future bc this took yEARS off my life im probs going to die in 5 days ok thats it thanks!!❀

#suda masaki #yamazaki kento #all night nippon #translation #*

60 notes · View notes