#i just got bread and cheese and onions out of my fridge and wiped the bad sauce off with a napkin

[saulbaby]

The autism never fuckin hits harder than after somebody gets my order wrong

[y0itsbri]

it's pizza night at the gallagher-milkovich household!

word count: 2k

usually they order a couple pizzas from some local joint: thin crust chicago supreme for ian and deep dish meat lovers for mickey, though they steal pieces of each others' all the time (even if mickey has to pick off all the onions from ian's chicago supreme.)

but tonight ian wanted to do something different. the tomatoes and bell peppers from the garden were finally looking ripe. ian, with his green thumb, had spent most of spring and summer nurturing a row of plants in the community garden of their apartment complex. mickey had thought it was boring as fuck at first when nothing seemed to be changing, but eventually seeing the plants shoot up and seeing ian excited about all the new growth gave him a paternal kick somewhere from deep inside him. he even found himself wondering how the plants were holding up after a particularly bad thunderstorm one night. for fuck's sake -- was he a plant dad now? when the fuck did this happen?

and if they were going to make their own pizzas with ian's fresh vegetables, they sure as hell weren't going to cut any corners with the store-bought dough. though mickey would never admit it, he was getting pretty good at baking, which was something ian was both a little jealous and very proud of. at this point, mickey was basically a pro specifically at making orange cranberry bread (which ian had become immediately hooked on for a few weeks after jill brought over a loaf as a 'sorry-my-boyfriend-pissed-off-mickey' gift) and also at his favorite peanut butter chocolate chip cookies (mickey has such a sweet tooth, and ian has no idea how he hasn't had more cavities.) surely pizza dough couldn't be too much different than the rest of mickey's pretty impressive baking skills.

after work wednesday evening, mickey emerged from the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist. he peeked out into the living room expecting to see ian zombified on the couch with the usual two boxes of pizza balanced across his legs. however, mickey was thrown off a bit as he spotted ian behind the kitchen counter rummaging through cabinets, occasionally opening the fridge, and proudly wearing his "i like to get high (quality ingredients)" apron, which had been a very appropriate birthday gift from lip.

"what's with all the ruckus in here, big bang," mickey teased. ian's wild eyes calmed a beat after they had finally noticed mickey standing in the doorframe. he checked out his husband up and down once over as a mischievous smile blossomed on his face.

"it's a surprise, but i'm gonna need you to put some clothes on," ian announced, even though his darkening eyes were saying quite the opposite.

mickey was rather hungry and curious about the shitstorm of a mess in the kitchen, so he decided not to push his luck with ian's lustful gaze and instead obediently turned around to pull on some sweatpants while mumbling something about "can't be too good of a surprise if i have to put on clothes." ian smirked from behind him.

mickey swaggered back to the kitchen wearing one of ian's old rotc t-shirts, hoping it would get enough of a rise out of ian for him to enthusiastically take it off late in the night. as if ian needed a reason.

"alright, alright, tough guy. what's the big surprise?"

ian slid his arm around mickey's waist and pulled them flush together as they stared at the array of ingredients sprawled out.

"Pizza," he stated as if it were a simple fact.

mickey's brow furrowed. there clearly wasn't any pizza on the counter. "where's the fuckin' pizza? or did you get too high," he teased, poking at ian's apron.

"ha. ha. very funny, babe. just high quality ingredients, remember?" ian winked and mickey smirked, musing at his dork. when mickey didn't counter him again ian cleared his throat and continued, "no, but for real. ya know how i've been growing vegetables in the garden here?"

mickey nodded. as if he could forget.

"well, for pizza night i was thinking that we could make our own with some of the vegetables and i was hoping," he dragged out the word and squeezed mickey's waist, "that you would make the dough, seeing that you're the star baker of the house."

mickey rolled his eyes. he didn't know where ian got the impression that he was the next best thing to a professional baker when he would usually just take the easy way out. especially when he was hungry and it came to pizza night. but he was secretly very excited to try the food that ian had spent so much time cultivating.

"yeah, man, let's get it." mickey leaned over the counter to turn the bluetooth speaker on and connect his phone, 'wait by the river' by lord huron playing. he grinned as he allowed ian to slide his hand down his arm and lace their fingers as they swayed together for a moment before pulling away and promptly getting to work on food prep.

ian hummed while he washed and chopped the vegetables, occasionally making comments about how he can't believe how colorful they are or how they had grown from nothing. mickey entertained his comments while he made the dough, "well not quite nothing. there was the seed and the sunlight and the shitty ass soil and you watered it a bunch and stuff. all that love ain't nothing." ian warmly smiled at how casually his husband talked about all forms of love now.

once everything was cleaned and diced and the dough was divided into two equal slabs, they got to shaping their crusts. mickey, being the little shit that he is, had extra flour on his hands and wiped some across ian's cheek. he took off behind the counter and into the living room before ian was able to even get out an agitated "what the fuck, mick!" ian was soon on his heels though and tackled him into the couch, wrestling and straddling him and pinning mickey's arms above his head with one hand and smearing flour from his own hand across mickey's cheek as he struggled.

"payback's a bitch," ian teased through his fits of laughter as mickey's face was twisted up in utter disgust, "oh c'mon, mick, can't take it?"

"you know exactly what i can take, asshole," mickey wiggled his eyebrow as he grumbled lowly. ian's face dropped in complete shock as he was taken off guard, and his grip loosened. mickey used that moment of weakness to flip ian off of him and straighten up his shirt as he stood, no mind to the floured handprints placed haphazardly all over himself, and definitely not entirely from his own hands.

"great, so pizza, then?" he smiled over his shoulder at a disheveled ian as he went to go shape the dough, innovatively using a can of beans as a rolling pin.

ian joined him behind the counter and smacked his ball of dough. "hmm"ed and paused. mickey turned to investigate the curious glint in ian's eye when he heard and felt a similar smack on his own ass.

"oh my fucking god, ian. we're never going to get anything done. i'm fucking starving," he groaned.

"as if you didn't start it!"

mickey paused for a moment. sure, fine, yeah. ian had a point with this one, "whatever." he poked ian in the side and then turned back to his pizza. after they were rolled out enough, ian picked up the spoon to put sauce on.

"nah, man! what the fuck are you doing?" mickey snapped, more with urgency than actual agitation, "we gotta cook them for a little bit first before putting all the shit on there, ya know?"

ian put his hands up in innocence and slowly backed away from both the pizzas and the oven, "my bad, chef, carry on."

mickey flipped him off before slipping the two crusts into the oven for a couple minutes. while they waited, ian picked up mickey's phone and pulled up a youtube compilation video of gordon ramsay 'critiquing' his chefs.

"hey mick, this is you in the kitchen."

they watched for a couple minutes as ian laughed his ass off.

"oh fuck off, you'd burn the place down without me," mickey retorted, carefully pulling the crusts out of the oven. ian just rolled his eyes and resumed playing the music from a spotify playlist that mickey totally did not have named 'date night🥀.'

they took turns spooning sauce with chunks of fresh tomato onto their half baked crusts and then sprinkled on some grated cheese and pepperoni, which they had picked up at the farmer's market on their last trip with a couple of the women in their complex they had accidentally befriended.

as much as mickey ate like a broke college kid when he was left to fend for himself most days, he really didn't mind vegetables (except for fucking onions -- those could rot in hell.) despite this, ian still looked on astonished as mickey piled on the veggies just as much as his pepperoni. that was really saying something.

mickey glanced up, "what, popeye? like you're the only one that gets to enjoy the shit from the garden? i gotta taste for myself all the hype that went into this!"

a look of pure adoration flashed across ian's face as he laid a smooch on mickey's forehead. mickey's felt fucking butterflies in his stomach. he thought that being married to the guy would make those feelings simmer down, but as if it was even possible, the flames burned even stronger.

as they waited for their pizzas to cook in the oven for the final time, they giggled like lovestruck teenagers as they wiped the flour off of each others' faces, making an even bigger mess than they started with, as mickey's hair was now dripping wet. they then cleaned off the countertops and packed the extra ingredients in some blue-lidded tupperware set that debbie had recommended.

ian got two beers out of the fridge, "special occasion," he reasoned. mickey scoffed. as if they needed a reason to get fucking smashed.

soon the pizzas were done, and only slightly burnt at the edges, "adds flavor," mickey reasoned. as if anything mickey actually put effort into cooking would be less than perfect.

ian sliced the warm pizzas as mickey grabbed a couple plates, pausing in his steps to not-so-subtly stare at his husband's biceps flex with the force of the pizza slicer.

they didn't even bother to put on a tv show in the background as they ate. mickey's phone was still playing some chill, lowkey romantic music, and they were just excited to dig in. at this point mickey was fucking starving. mickey quite literally moaned as he took his first bite. ian snapped his head to stare daggers at mickey, watching his throat intently.

"shiiiit. that good, huh?" ian murmured.

all mickey could manage to do was nod as he swallowed.

"might have to do this more often," ian suggested as he took a bite of his own slice. shit. this was good.

"good job growing this shit, man," mickey praised through a mouthful. he swallowed, then added on teasingly, but actually oh-so-serious, "might wanna try growing some mary jane next year if you keep it up with your green ass thumb."

"sure, mick." ian took a sip of his beer. ian would agree to anything mickey would ask of him right now, tipsy on both his beer and his fondness of his husband. as if he could read his mind, mickey reached his hand out to rest on ian's thigh, squeezing once before resting it there for the remainder of dinner.

they finished off the beers and pizzas in bliss, leaving the dishes near the sink to be tomorrow's problem. they didn't even make it out of the kitchen before ian started to tug on the hems of mickey's shirt.

[deadmomjokes]

Adulting 101: Grocery Shopping, Smarter

I have roomed with way too many freshmen who lived on fries and takeout because they, per their own admission, had no clue how to buy groceries. And I know a bunch of people are probably in the same boat. So I’m going to take you through the issues I often had to help my tiny baby roomies with, and drop some extra tips on you that I’ve figured out while living away from home. Feel free to add your own!

PRODUCE BUYING (yes, you need to eat a plant every now and then)

Canned and frozen veggies are just as nutritious as fresh, sometimes moreso. Nutrient content degrades as the vegetable sits after picking, and if you live somewhere that your produce has long shipping times, it’s actually less nutritious than canned or frozen. In canned vegetables, look for the “low sodium” marker. Canned and frozen also last a million times longer than fresh, and are WAY cheaper. Buy the frozen broccoli and thank yourself later when you have Netflix money left over.

Pro tip: when using canned veggies, rinse them a few times. They now taste fresh, ready to cook or ready to eat straight. You’re welcome.

When shopping for canned fruit, pick ones that are packed in 100% juice, not syrup. That syrup not only makes things way less healthy, it makes it pretty slimy too. Plus the juice is nice in smoothies, if you choose to save it.

If you buy fresh, do so in quantities that look too small. Get what you think you need, then put a little back. You always need less than you think. If you DO buy large quantities and they start to look funny, cut them up and freeze them.

When buying fresh, get some that are ripe now, and some that need a few days. This way you have some that will last a bit longer rather than trying to scramble to eat 3 avocados within 24 hours.

Buy onions in bulk, chop them up all at once, and freeze them. Only cry once, my friends. They cook much faster when they were previously frozen, and they last ages. Plus a sack of chopped frozen onions makes a good makeshift ice pack for twisted ankles and sore backs, and it won’t hurt to thaw and re-freeze a few times.

Here’s a cheat-sheet for how long produce lasts and how to store them. This should give you a good idea of how much to buy. It is very conservative, tho, so don’t panic. For instance, it says tomatoes only last about 3 days, but I’ve gotten a week and a half out of them if you don’t refrigerate them and keep them away from other fruit. Use it as a guide, and google some other “produce cheat sheets” to get an idea of your time window.

When buying frozen vegetables, get the big resealable packages. They’re cheaper per ounce, and you don’t have to worry about whether you can eat all of it at once. If you have limited freezer space, however, just get some freezer ziploc bags and store the extras in that. Twist-tying the opened, non-resealable bag will just freezer burn your food.

I know you think you eat a lot of potatoes, but you, an individual, do not eat enough potatoes to warrant that 5 or 10 pound sack that’s always on sale. Pass it by and go to the individual, select-a-piece display. You’ll thank me when you aren’t cleaning up rotten potato goo in a few weeks because you only got halfway through the sack and just couldn’t eat any more potatoes.

MEAT BUYING

Buy in bulk, keep out only what you’ll use within a day, and freeze the rest into individual serving size packages. You can get SO many meals out of a tray of chicken breasts, so buy as big a package as you have freezer room for.

Check the yellow-tag/clearance section. You find amazing deals there! Just freeze it right away if you aren’t cooking the whole thing for dinner that night. Yellow-tag is always because it’s nearing its sell-by date.

Don’t feel like you have to cook meat in whatever size or form it comes.  Buy big honking roasts and cut your own chops/steak from it. Buy that tray of chicken breasts and cut each piece into stew chunks or strips . Get the bone-in stuff and fillet it yourself. Think big when buying, small when storing, and then use that knife block your mom gave you and slicey slice things down to an individual size, or into something new. (Pork roast into chunks makes for a great, cheap stir fry.) Pop the rest into freezer ziploc bags and take it out the day before you need it. (Thaw in-fridge, please, it’s much safer.)

Ground turkey acts the same as ground beef in most recipes, and is generally cheaper unless you live in beef country. Substitute and save.

GRAINS

As with produce, buy your flour and sugar in much smaller quantities than you think you need. That 2lb sack doesn’t look like very much, but it’s a lot less likely to attract pests if it’s not sitting there for months while you struggle to use it, and it’s also much more manageable so it doesn’t get everywhere while cooking or storing. (You’ll also make fewer sweets if you don’t have a huge bag of sugar sitting in your cabinet getting clumpy and worrying you.)

Mac-and-cheese IS a viable grain option, and if you dump in some broccoli and/or chicken chunks, it’s a full meal. It’s cheap, but less sodium than ramen, so try switching it up. Also try to look for mac-and-cheese made with whole and/or enriched flour if you eat a lot of it, you’ll be slighly less likely to get constipated from it.

Premade loaf bread has a butt-ton of sugar in it. This is not only not as good for you, but makes the bread more likely to mold quicker! So look for low-sugar options. (Or make your own bread, it’s not too hard.)

DAIRY

Unless you’re like me and drink a crapton of milk (doctor’s orders, don’t judge), buy your milk in half-gallons. You can always grab another one if you run low between regular grocery shopping days, but you don’t want to have the experience of going to pour your cereal and getting your appetite ruined by the smell of rotten milk.

If you can’t or don’t want to drink milk, most milk alternatives are now fortified with the same nutrients that animal milk has. Don’t skip the dairy recommendation because you don’t like animal milk, get yourself some soy or almond milk and get your daily calcium intake!

Cheese lasts a long time, but will get dry, hard, and powdery if not stored properly. Look for, you guessed it, resealable packages.

Most of the time, block cheese is cheaper than grated and you can just grate it yourself at home. But always check the price-per-ounce, it’s usually located in the corner or on the side of the tag.

Yogurt lasts longer than you think it will. Buy in the big tubs, not individual cups. It’s cheaper, and you can pick how much you want.

SHOPPING TIPS

Shop by what’s on sale to save money. Have an idea of what you want when you go in, but be flexible with your choices. For instance, I would go in with a shopping list that had an item that was simply “sale meat.” I had meal ideas planned out that I could replace or alter based on what was on sale at the store. No chicken on sale, but the tofu was marked down? We’re having tofu stir fry on Wednesday instead! Apples on sale? You had planned to get bananas, but if the apples are cheaper you can either get some of both or just do apples. Check the sale papers or online ads beforehand to see what kind of specials they have, and try planning meals around that.

Speaking of, CHECK THE SALE PAPERS! Save those mailers, compare prices, and see which store has what you’re after. Google the store’s website and see if they list their specials online.

Have a basic plan for what you’re going to do with your purchases. Don’t just pick up a bunch of kohlrabi “to try” if you don’t have a plan. It could be as simple as “I’m going to look up a recipe later today and I’m moving Tuesday’s dinner to next week so I can make this new thing on Tuesday.” But don’t just go “huh, that’s neat” and buy it without consciously planning when to use it. Or you’re going to end up with rotten kohlrabi and money wasted. Be aware of what you’re buying, and tell yourself how you’re going to use it before you put it on your list, or in your cart if it’s a last minute decision.

Don’t shop hungry. Simple idea, you’ve probably heard it before, but you’ll come home with impulse buys and a headache if you shop on a very empty stomach.

Make a list. You ARE going to forget that you really needed rice if you don’t put it on that list. I know you think you’ll remember, but you won’t. Crossing the threshold of a supermarket completely wipes your RAM. Write that stuff down somewhere and take it with you.

Be willing to shop around. I know Walmart is convenient, and it has asparagus on sale, but if the Kroger also has an amazing sale on the salad greens that you were planning on buying, try to make the effort to get to both stores. Nobody said saving money and eating well was easy, but it is worth it. Unless one store has price match, then just take your ad in and do the shopping at that store.

Try to have a buddy. Grocery shopping can be exhausting and stressful, but a friend can make it easier, and keep you sane. They can also help steer you away from impulse buys just by their very presence. It’s a lot harder to justify the checkout candy bar when your friend is right there, even if they don’t say anything. (Or you could get both of you a candy bar, if you’ve got the cash for it.)

Try to pick a single grocery day and plan for it consistently. Weekly, biweekly, whatever is best for you, just plan a day to do your in-depth shopping. Shopping piecemeal is a good way to spend more money than necessary, and to make sure you forget stuff. (You may have to make fill-in trips between big shopping days, but plan the big ones and try to put off as much as you can until then. But stopping for milk because you ran out won’t break the bank, so don’t worry about doing an occasional quick-stop.)

STORAGE TIPS

Ziploc bags are your friend, but make sure you know what kind you’re getting. Only specifically labeled “freezer bags” should be used in the freezer, or you risk your food getting icy and freezer burnt. Also, look for the store-brand zipper bags, they work just as well.

Label everything you put into the freezer if it’s not in the original package. You’re going to have days where you can’t tell if that’s chicken or tofu. Most freezer zipper bags have a space just for labeling. Keep a kitchen sharpie handy and label stuff. Also put the date on it, and use things within a year of freezing.

Get canisters. There are some cheap ones, even, but get SOMETHING. Put your flour and sugar in the canisters. It will last longer, and you don’t risk the bugs. You may think your apartment is safe, but bug season comes for us all in the end, and those little turds go right for a folded-over sack of flour, I swear.

Keep a list on the front of your freezer of everything that’s in there. Add to the list as you put stuff in, and cross stuff off as you take it out. That way you don’t have to dig to know if you have any more of those frozen peaches you like in your smoothies. Nor will you forget for a million years the bag of stew meat you had intended to use. Small magnetic whiteboards are particularly good for this purpose. (Also consider doing that for each major storage area--fridge, cabinets, pantry, etc-- if you routinely forget what’s in there. You could even tape it to the inside of the cabinet door so nobody else sees your bad memory.)

Don’t store potatoes and onions next to each other. They’ll both sprout.

Keep bananas away from all other produce. They’re naughty ethylene fiends that will spoil your tomatoes just for fun. That said, stick a banana in with an under ripe fruit and it’ll be ready in a day or two.

Take your produce out of the little plastic bags unless they need to ripen a bit more.

Go through your fridge completely once a month. Take everything out, check the dates, sniff it, and throw out old/rotten/nasty stuff. Go through your freezer once every 2 or 3 months. Reorganize your stacks, and double check your content list is current.

I know this is long, but I hope it can be helpful. Please add on any tips you have, at the very least I’d love to read them!

[frangipanidownunder]

I have a sickly sweet prompt for you. Set slightly in the future. Mulder and Scully's second child is now 12. Will visits every now and then but never stays long. During one of his visits, his 12 year old sibling randomly asks Mulder how he and Scully fell in love. I just wanna overdose on fluff right now. Don't let me down frangipani!

Windmills: a fic

Tagging @today-in-fic

It’s a strange feelingto know that Will is on the way home. And yes, it is home. That’s what he calls it. The blades of the windmill turnanti-clockwise despite the tendencies of the prevailing winds. Mulder alwayswaggles his eyebrows and says, in his exaggerated southern accent, “Build it,and he will come. Y’all best get the pot roast on.”

           And she does. It’s a recipe that shesaw once in a vision and Mulder declared it the best thing she’d ever cooked,without a hint of irony. The windmill blades turned and Will showed up on thedoorstep with a crooked smile and a grateful hug. He spent two days with them,fixing the flywires, turning soil in the long-dry vegetable patch, sowing seedswith his father. And yes, he is his father. She’s always known, but for thesake of science, she ran the tests anyway. Love conquers all. Even black-lungedpsychopathic rapists.

           Today, Esther is in the yard, pitchingher baseball. There’s no wind. It’s high summer, muggy with the threat of an eveningstorm. Her skin is sheen with perspiration and Scully sees the rash of pimplesbreaking out across her forehead. Her body is changing, growing. She looks moreand more like Mulder these days – all rangy limbs and the large nose she hates.But she’s beautiful beyond convention and every day Scully tells her daughterthat.

           The blades turn and Esther throwsthe ball one last time before rushing up the steps, past Scully. “Dad! Will’scoming.”

           Scully puts down her book and watchesthe windmill. In her head, there’s the familiar pressure of the connection andshe breathes. In and out, as the blades rotate. He’s coming and he doesn’t knowhow long for but can she cook those fritters this time, the curried corn onesbecause it’s too hot for roast and besides Mulder really needs to get thebarbecue out and give it a clean. And how are the tomatoes? There should be areal good crop this year. He’s got fresh basil with him and a wedge ofmozzarella so he can make Esther the salad she loves.

           Before she’s really come around,Scully has already reached for the olive oil and the salt and pepper and she’ssearching for the platter and bowls with the blue windmills pattern becauseit’s like a family joke now. Everything gets served on them when Will’s back.

His hair is short thistime. Neatly cropped and pushed up at the fringe. He looks like a movie starand she remembers Mulder with his spiky bangs and baggy suits what feels like ahundred years ago. Fuck, he was handsome then and she couldn’t do a damnedthing about it but look. And she glances over at him now, washing tomatoes atthe sink, wearing an old grey tee that’s untucked so she can see the flare ofthe muscles at his waist and the patch of silver hair in the middle of hisback. He turns and smiles at her and fuck, if he isn’t just as handsome now andthere’s a whole lot she can do about it, even if it takes them a little longerto get there these days.

           “Can I layer the salad, Mom?”Esther’s curled her hair so that it frames her face and she’s wearing a fittedvest and cut off denims that just make her look even longer-legged.

           “Sure, honey. Wash your hands.”

All the while, Scully’s watching Will and he knows it. He opens a beerand sits next to her. “I don’t know,” is all he says and she knows he’ll begone in a day or two. She covers his hand with hers and squeezes, grateful forany time with him.

The salad is perfect with the fritters. There’s sourdoughbread and salty butter and fresh greens with spring onion relish and a crispwhite that Mulder pours with a little too much extravagance. Scully is flushedand the fan is ticking overhead. Her hair is sticking to her head and Estherhasn’t stopped asking Will questions. He fields them with experience, neverreally saying much, but giving his sister enough material for him to remain heridol. Mulder runs his beer bottle against his lips and she smiles at him,running through their years together. If there was ever a case more strangethan their son, she can’t remember it.

              “Will,do you have a girlfriend?”

              “Nope,”he says, leaning back on his chair. “Don’t have time these days.”

              Shefrowns and says in a low voice, “But you must have been in love at least once?”

              Willlaughs and the fan clicks in time. “I’m not sure if I know what that even means.”

              Estheris growing more curious.   “Everybodyknows what love is,” she declares with the authority of a pre-teen. “Even Momand Dad know.”

              There’sa slow smile spreading over Will’s face and it’s the perfect out for him.Esther needs to choose her words more carefully. Scully picks up her plate andstarts to take the others to the bench next to the sink.

              “Yeah,why don’t you tell us how you fell in love, Dad?”But it’s Will who asks, teases.

              Mulderchuckles and he’s had a bottle of beer too many and Scully knows it’s bad. Sheturns on the tap, running her wrist under the water and praying it’s not goingto be too bad.

              “Well,”he starts, “it’s pretty hard to fall in love with a spy. Especially one in asuit three times as big as she was.”

              “A spy?”Esther squeals. “Mom wasn’t a spy. She was a scientist. A doctor. And all shewas trying to do was keep you in check. She’s told me this part. She wasassigned to keep Spooky Mulder from chasing aliens. And you shouldn’t judge awoman by her clothes.”

              Willgrins and takes another swig of beer. “There’s no such thing as aliens.”

              Esthersits upright, leaning on her elbows. Her eyes widen. “Then how do you explainyour blood? And Mom’s?”

              The roomstills, save for the whoosh of the fan blades, and Scully turns to look at herfamily, seated round the table. A typical scene. But her twelve year olddaughter is goading her adult son about his bloodwork and her husband iswatching them like he’s at a tennis match – head turning from child to child asthey trade arcane statements about their provenance.

              “Iworked out pretty early on she wasn’t really a spy. Not in the Cold War sense,anyway. Although, she was pretty good at freezing me out of anything importantin her life.” His expression is pure Mulder. A wide, cocky smile, chin up,eyebrows raised.

              “I thinkyou forget just how many times you ditched me, Mulder.”

              “I didthat to save you, Scully.”

              “Good tosee your martyr complex is still as strong as ever.”

              Estherclaps. “Round one to Mom. Tell us about your first kiss.”

              Will linkshis hands behind his head and waits. Mulder stands up and takes another beerfrom the fridge. Scully sighs, wiping her hands on the tea towel.

              “Shekissed me when I wasn’t me,” he says. “A man who could take any form trickedher with some red wine and a smooth line or two and she fell for it. Can youbelieve it?”

              “Ididn’t kiss Eddie Van Blundht with a silent H, Mulder. And you know it.Besides, his smooth line or two was generally what one might consider typicaladult conversation. He asked me about my life. I told him stories. He listened.That’s how dates usually go.”

              “So youadmit it was a date?” Mulder says, looking at Esther. Their daughter giggles.Will shakes his head.

              Scullythrows up her hands. “It wasn’t a date insofar as we were partners and therewas no way we would have or should have been dating. But it was an occasionwhere grown-ups conversed like grown-ups while enjoying adult beverages.”

              “Wherewere you, Dad? While Mom was not kissing you?”

              “I wasbravely fighting my way out of a locked cupboard and rushing to your mother’srescue.”

              Scullydraws in a breath. “I’ve never needed rescuing, Mulder. You know that.” Thesuds float around the sink, swirling and dancing with the same mirth that set Estheroff.

              “TheAntarctic ring a bell, Scully? Snowcats and anti-virus medication. Alien podsand hyperthermia.”

              “Is thatthe bee thing?” Esther asks, eager for more, even though she’s heard thesestories, or versions of them, for years. “You didn’t kiss then, either. What’sthe go with you two? How long did it take you two to actually kiss and declareyour love?”

              “Itried,” Mulder says. “I kissed the 1939 version of your mother and I declaredmy love for her when I got back to 1998. But she didn’t believe me. How manytimes can a guy be rejected?”

              Scullysmirks and jabs him in the ribs. “You rejected me when I turned up in yourhotel room with wine and cheese. You decided searching for the mothman was themore attractive prospect.”

              “Ah,Florida. Your hair was a frizzy mess and that blue coat, not quite as bad asthe earlier version but still, and your singing.”

              “Scullyhas a nice voice,” Will says. And she sees him in his cot kicking his legs likethe baby he was but wondering what was going on in that brain of his. “Iremember the lullabies she sung me.”

              The soundof Mulder’s bottle hitting the table top startles her. He flexes his jaw andchews over what Will has just said. His abilities are a blessing and a curse.To consciously remember a mother’s lullaby from those early months may seemlike a wonderful thing but it wasn’t that much later that Scully gave him away.

              “You stillhaven’t told us about the kiss,” Esther says. “And the zombies. I wanna hearabout the zombies.”

              “Again?”Scully asks and she takes the cheesecake out of the fridge. She pours maplesyrup over it and sprinkles crushed pecans. “It was very chaste but it meant alot. The kiss was the beginning.”

              “Andwhen did Mulder really tell you he loved you, Scully?” Will is amused now,egging on his sister, but as he leans forward, there’s a wistful look in hiseyes. She’s listened to him for years, out there, doing whatever it is he’s doing.He tells her his dreams. He tells her his nightmares. She’s come to know theirson in her head and she shares it with Mulder the best way she can but there’sstill a disconnect that both Mulder and he find frustrating. Here now, at thetable, surrounded by his family, Will looks a little broken.

              “Muldertook a little while to actually say the words.” She pushes him a plate ofcheesecake and watches his lips pop open a little. He’s remembering that momenttoo and it’s not one they’ve shared. So many of the roads in their lives havebeen twisted, pot-holed and filled with dead-ends that this one moment wherethey were both in the same lane is one they hold dear.

              “And sodid you,” Mulder counters. “Besides, we both showed our love in different waysand in less conventional terms. I once told your mother that she was my one infive billion.”

              “You hadbeen committed at the time, Mulder. Was I really supposed to take the ravingsof a madman seriously?”

              “Your motherforced her way into a game and shot all the bad guys.”

              “Andgirls,” Scully adds, nodding to Esther.

              Mulder chuckles.“And she made sure I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself on national tv.”

“I saw that episode,” Will says, “andyou did make an ass out of yourself, Mulder.”

Smiling, Mulder shakes his head. “Whatwas it you said, Scully? ‘Mulder, you wanna talk about werewolves to me, knockyourself out but this could ruin your career’. That meant a lot.” His mouth straightens.“You were and still are my constant, my touchstone.”

“So, we know you don’t say itvery often but when did you feel it?” Esther asks. “You’ve told me all thesestories but I still don’t know when you both fell in love.”

Will smiles quietly and Scullyshivers. Mulder puts his spoon down.

“When your mother was returned tothe hospital, after she’d been abducted, I felt so grateful that she was back,so compelled to find out what had happened, it drove me for years, that fire. Ididn’t recognise it at first,” he stops and looks at Scully. “but that was lovein its purest essence.”

“Mom?” Esther hands Scully atissue. “your turn.”

Scully dabs her eyes. “I wasdying. And the only person I was truly scared for was your father. That waslove in its purest essence too.”

“But why didn’t you tell him?” Estherasks.

“Because what would have been thepoint?” Will says. “And by the time she went into remission, it would havelooked like a sympathy thing.”

The fan whirs above their headsand Esther rests her chin on her hands. “But Dad was already in love with you.”

Chuckling, Mulder ruffles herhair. “And that, pumpkin, is the insanity of adulthood. We spend so longavoiding people or feelings or choices that we miss out on life. Take it fromus, your paths are not always destined to run where you think they will. Somake the most of the journey.”

Will pushes back his chair andcollects the plates. Esther gets up and helps. Mulder leans forward and takesScully hands in his. He mouths ‘I love you’ and Scully nods and says ‘me too’.

Outside, the wind whips up andthe windmill creaks into action. Will stands at the back door with his sisternext to him watching the blades turn and turn.

[prosejudo56-blog]

Marisa McClellan’s Adaptable Chutney with Apples, Ginger & Lemon

Marisa McClellan, author of three books on canning and creator of the website, Food in Jars, just published her fourth book: The Food in Jars Kitchen.

Unlike her previous books, which focused on canning, this book includes recipes to help you use up your many jars of jams, chutneys, and pickles. She created the recipes —  think: jam-laquered chicken wings, oatmeal muffins with fruit butter, bean and rice casserole with tomato salsa — with your pantry in mind; there’s no need to start from scratch.

BUT. If you’re up for it, I think maybe you should.

At the end of the book, Marisa includes a few “essential preserves” recipes, ten of her favorites, including this “adaptable chutney,” which I’ve made with apples, but which Marisa says will work with apricots, cherries, nectarines, peaches, pears or plums. It takes about an hour to cook, during which time the apples completely break down, transforming into a dark, jammy mass.

I find this chutney irresistible — it’s got that expected sweet-tart balance lent by the sugar and vinegar, but there’s also a bit of heat from the crushed red pepper flakes and freshly grated ginger. The apple flavor is nearly indiscernible — the apples are merely a vehicle to carry the many other flavors. When I eat it, in fact, my brain thinks fig, which makes me understand why so many different fruits could work here.

I’ve been smearing the chutney over crackers and topping it with slices of sharp Cheddar cheese, and I imagine it would pair well with so many cheeses from minerally blues to chalky goats to creamy triple crèmes, making it an excellent addition to any cheese board.

For lunch yesterday, I spread the chutney over bread, topped it with grated Gruyère, and made a grilled cheese sandwich, which was overwhelmingly delicious. (More on this soon.)

In the book, Marisa suggests using the chutney variously: in compound butters, cheese rolls, pork tenderloin with pan sauce, and blank slate white bean spread, which I made and ate with endive spears and carrots — the chutney is such an easy and surprising way to liven up a bean-based dip, giving it both texture and depth of flavor.

I haven’t been processing this chutney in a water bath, but come next fall, I absolutely will. Wouldn’t it be fun to gift mini jars of this chutney paired with a wedge of cheese? All nicely bundled together with baker’s twine? And a festive gift tag?

It’s never too late to start preparing for the holidays… (I kid, I kid. Let’s not think about the holidays just yet.)

One More Thing

When Marisa’s last book came out, Naturally Sweet Food in Jars, I had intended to post her recipe for apple-date butter, which I had made and loved. I’m three years late but the recipe is finally up: Cinnamon-Spiced Apple-Date Butter.

Both of these apple recipes would be better suited to post in the fall, but I’m worried if I wait, Marisa might write another book and set me back three more years. So without further ado, I’m posting a few unseasonal but delicious Marisa McClellan recipes on this fine spring day:

Here’s the play-by-play: Gather your ingredients.

Peel and chop the apples and onion.

Dump everything into a pot all at once. How nice?

Simmer.

When it looks like this, it’s done.

Eat it with cheese and crackers, stir it into hummus or a white bean dip, or make a grilled cheese. (More on this soon. The grilled cheese looked so incredibly delicious I didn’t have the patience to take a photo. Will add photo soon.)

Marisa McClellan’s The Food in Jars Kitchen:

Print

Author: alexandra

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 45 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour 5 minutes

Yield: 3 cups 1x

Description

Adapted from Marisa McClellan’s The Food in Jars Kitchen, this chutney recipe will work with apples, apricots, cherries, nectarines, peaches, pears or plums. This is a half recipe, so scale up as needed.

If you’d like more details on sterilizing jars and preparing a water bath for canning, view this post on Food in Jars.

Scale 1x2x3x

Ingredients

2 lbs. apples (5 to 6), peeled and diced small-ish

1 medium yellow onion, finely diced (about a cup)

3/4 cup golden raisins

3/4 cup red wine vinegar

1 cup packed light brown sugar

1 tablespoon mustard seeds, any color is fine

1.5 teaspoons freshly grated ginger

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to taste

1/4–1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

grated zest and juice of 1 lemon

Instructions

Combine all the ingredients in a large, nonreactive pot. Bring to a boil over high heat and then turn heat to low and cover the pot. Cook for 20 minutes. Uncover and raise the heat to medium, adjusting the heat as necessary to allow the mixture to stay at a constant simmer. Simmer, stirring often, for 20-40 minutes more or until the chutney thickens, darkens and the flavors start to marry. I liked to purée the chutney in my food processor to a coarse thickness — I have weird textural issues with cooked raisins and puréeing the chutney solves the issue for me … no need to do this if you have no trouble with cooked raisins.

Transfer chutney to a jar and store in fridge for one to two weeks.

Alternatively, process the chutney: prepare a boiling water bath, and sterilize three half-pint jars. Spoon the chutney into the prepared jars, leaving 1/2 inch (1.5 cm) of headspace. Wipe the rims, apply the lids and rings, and process in a boiling water bath for 15 minutes.

When the time is up, remove the jars and set them on a folded kitchen towel to cool. When the jars have cooled enough that you can comfortably handle them, check the seals. Sealed jars can be stored at room temperature for for up to 1 year. Any unsealed jars should be refrigerated and used promptly.

Category: Condiment

Method: Stovetop

Cuisine: American/Indian

Keywords: chutney, apples, ginger, onion, mustard seed, sugar, vinegar

Posted By: alexandra · In: Christmas, Condiments, Fall, Father's Day, Gluten-free, Holidays, Mother's Day, Preserves, Sauces, dressings, jams & spreads, Vegan, winter

Source: https://alexandracooks.com/2019/04/03/adaptable-apple-chutney/

[octovolve]

Easy Clean Up Low Spoon Spaghetti Aglio E Olio

Okay so aglio e olio is garlic and oil, and this is kind of a travesty of that, but it works really well in a pinch and only uses one bowl, one pot, a slotted cooking spoon, and a fork.

It’s also super cheap, versatile if you want to add meat and veggies, and eating it is kind of like playing. Also I took pictures! And got really carried away on detail and options! Yay! So let’s get started!

Ingredients

Spaghetti, salt, garlic powder, oregano, parsley, parmesan, and olive oil.

Method

First, read your spaghetti packaging and set that up to cook in a pot of water with a tablespoon of salt and some of the herbs if you like. If your pasta chronically sticks like mine does, spray a tiny bit of cooking oil spray into it.

You should probably stir this occasionally with the spoon.

Second, while that’s going, get your bowl and other ingredients together. Pour just enough oil to cover the bottom of the bowl. Let’s say it’s 2 tablespoons in case you like measurements more than I do.

Shake some garlic powder into it. I’d go with about 2 teaspoons worth, but you know your garlic preferences more than I do. Stir with the fork you intend to eat with until the garlic powder is saturated with oil.

Do the same with about 1/2 teaspoon each of oregano and parsley.

You can absolutely do this with other spices too. If you’re more of a sage or thyme person, use that instead of oregano. You could probably add bacon bits. Have fun with it.

Okay now the good stuff. Add parmesan until that stuff is a thick parmesan paste. I’d say I added a tablespoon, tablespoon and a half tops. I made one serving but you can scale up if you have a spoonie friend to feed. You could probably put this in the fridge for a few days too.

Neato, now in order for this to get all over the pasta like I want, I have to add just a touch more oil to loosen it up. I added a teaspoon, roughly. Don’t add a lot, because your pasta will have water on it and that will loosen it too. Stir a bit.

It looks like this now. You could also just dip bread in this to be honest. I’ve been to catered parties where they literally give you this kind of thing and bread. It’s fancy.

Okay now you can use your slotted spoon or a strainer to strain your pasta, or you can be fancy and pick it out with tongs.

(Tongs are great. No strainer to clean, and it’s how you’re technically supposed to pick up pasta anyway.)

Stir that stuff like a bat out of hell for a minute. The parmesan will heat up and get sticky, so you don’t want it to all stick to the bowl. You want it to stick to the noodles.

Ta daaa! Blurry noodles! I added a bit more parmesan on top because I care more about taste than rationing my cheese today.

When you eat this, it’s best to swish the noodles across the bottom and scrap around the sides to get more oil and parmesan on them. I consider this fun. If you hate that, a plate might work better.

Be advised, this is a napkins food. Oil will try to run away. Noodles will be slippery. Add more parmesan to cut down on stickiness, but have a napkin.

Clean Up

Your pot and spoon should just need a rinse, but your bowl needs to be wiped out into the trash and then rinsed with very hot water.

I let the water heat while I wipe it out and then hold the bowl with two hands on the bottom/sides and angle it under the stream. Then I wiggle it a bit, leave some water in the bottom, and set it in the sink to soak.

Run the cold water so you don’t burn yourself next time you have to wash hands.

Inspect your eating area for specks of oil. Wipe up. Wipe hands and mouth as much as possible with a napkin.

Optional Stuff

I said this was versatile, right? I shudder to call any low spoon food unhealthy, because eating is healthy. Whatever gets food into your tired and hungry body is a good thing. But this is pretty sparse on nutritional value.

You can add veggies. Toss some chopped broccoli, frozen or fresh, into the water with your noodles. Frozen onions also work and canned vegetables like peas also work.

If you’re okay pushing a spoon around and dirtying another pan, you can add all kinds of stuff. OR, you can empty the spaghetti into the noodles and use that pan to quickly cook things.

Peppers. Onions. Real garlic. Cook them in a scaled up version of the oil and herb mix and add the parmesan when you serve. Put your noodles in the pan and push them around on medium heat for a minute to really stick the oil to them. They also fry a little which is pretty nice.

You can also swap your regular spaghetti noodles for noodles with veggies in them. Spinach noodles or tri-color veggie noodles would still be tasty here.

You can add protein. I may have already mentioned adding bacon bits to the oil with everything else, but you can totally do that.

Beans are also a good additive. They come in a can and you can add just a few and microwave them in the oil, then save the rest for another meal.

Chopped lunchmeats, salami, or kielbasa (cooked) are pretty nice additions.

If you have a pasteurized egg that you trust (your judgement call, not mine), you can carbonara that stuff.

Carbonara sauce is whipped egg added to hot pasta and fat/oil so that it cooks mildly and slowly to create a creamy sauce. You don’t want them raw and you don’t want them scrambled.

I microwave it in ten second intervals while stirring furiously inbetween because I’m in the USA where eggs aren’t super safe to consume partially raw. If you’re really energetic you can whip the eggs over the lowest heat with butter and a little water. That’s how I make katsudon sauce usually, but with dashi.

You can add even more dairy or carbs!

Ok lets he real, you knew you could add more cheese. But if you feel weird deviating from a recipe, I’m telling you you can.

You can make thick pasta sauce by dissolving panko breading in oil too. It gets clumpy and oily and absorbs the spices too. Heat it a little and it’ll fry.

You can also totally add whatever cheese your heart desires so long as it melts. Feta? Go for it. Mozzarella? Do it. Queso blanco or string cheese? Only if you have a blow torch on hand.

[appletable80-blog]

cabbage and mushroom “lasagna”

In July, because I make no sense at all, I decided to knock an item off my To Cook list that’s been there since 2010, a golden, bubbling, layered dish of mushrooms, cabbage, thinly sliced potatoes bound with a bechamel sauce and topped with cheese. Talk about beach eats!

But a craving is a craving and I made it with the thought that we could try it, then freeze the rest until that whole December – January zone when the sun sets at approximately 3:32pm and the only way to endure it is to channel some Scandinavian coziness and make it, like, fashion. Candles! Thick sweaters! Tea, a good book, and soft music. Long-cooked winter vegetables snug in a rich casserole.

Instead, over a few days we finished the whole thing because it’s completely amazing. The recipe comes from the Marcus Jernmark, the Swedish chef who, at the time, helmed Aquavit, a high-end Scandinavian restaurant in midtown. The recipe made its way into a column by Elaine Louie that briefly ran in the New York Times called “The Temporary Vegetarian” that I followed with devotion. It’s not like a decade ago was dark times for vegetarians, but this column had a freshness to it, focusing on vegetable-forward and varied dishes with home cooks in mind, a few years before its time. (It later became a book).

Jernmark explained that in the fall in Sweden, they eat cabbage, kale, and mushrooms, and he wanted to turn them into a seasonal, homey take on lasagna. Because I’m a pedant, I’m not entirely sold on the name. It seems as much a potato and vegetable gratin as anything else but I’m leaving it because it’s layered, and I have a thing for lasagnas outside the red sauce and ricotta cheese box, anyway.

It’s a bit of work, as can happen when three vegetables and a sauce are involved, but it’s honestly the perfect dish for laying low on a cold weekend: lush but not as nap-inducing as pasta-ed versions. And it’s excellent. The photos don’t do it justice, but it’s cooked cabbage, guys. It’s doing its best.

Previously

One year ago: Dutch Apple Pie Two years ago: Brussels Sprouts, Apple, and Pomegranate Salad and Spinach Sheet Pan Quiche Three years ago: Pecan Pie and Roasted Leek and White Bean Galettes Four years ago: Classic Pumpkin Pie with Pecan Praline Sauce and Crispy Sweet Potato Roast Five years ago: Cauliflower with Brown Butter Crumbs and Parsley Leaf Potatoes Six years ago: Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon Vinaigrette Seven years ago: Dijon-Braised Brussels Sprouts Eight years ago: Sweet Corn Spoonbread and Apple Latkes Nine years ago: Sweet Potato Buttermilk Pie, Creamed Spinach and Gingerbread Apple Upside-Down Cake Ten years ago: Cranberry Pecan Frangipane Tart, Mustard-Roasted Potatoes and Walnut Tartlets Eleven years ago: Black Bean Pumpkin Soup, Chicken with Chanterelles and Pearl Onions, Pumpkin Waffles and Cream White Polenta with Mushrooms Twelve years ago: No-Knead Bread, Tomato and Sausage Risotto, Sundried Tomato Stuffed Mushrooms

And for the other side of the world: Six Months Ago: Ice Cream Cake Roll and Garlic Lime Steak and Noodle Salad 1.5 Years Ago: Potatoes Anna and Strawberry Graham Icebox Cake 2.5 Years Ago: Confetti Cookies and Roasted Carrots with Avocado and Yogurt 3.5 Years Ago: Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake and Fake Shack Burger 4.5 Years Ago: Soft Pretzel Knots and Buns and Carrot Salad with Tahini and Crisped Chickpeas

Cabbage and Mushroom Lasagna

Servings: 6, generously, to 12, petitely

Time: 2 hours

Source: Marcus Jernmark, then of Aquavit, via the NYT

Print

There are three key things to know going into this dish:

Seasoning is really key here. It’s winter vegetables, butter, milk, and cheese; it will not naturally boom with flavor. Make sure every element is gets the necessary salt and pepper and it will add up to something wonderful.

I found mine got a little watery as it baked, because cabbage is watery. You can baste a little out, if you wish, or you can just let it go. As it cools, most will settle back around the vegetables and it shouldn’t seem too wet.

I almost didn’t share this recipe because it’s got a bunch of steps, and a lot of vegetables to chop (the dish is all vegetables, after all), and thought nobody would want to make it, but it’s too delicious not to. So do as I do, put on your headphones, queue up The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, try to get your head around the fact that it’s now 20 years old, and you’ll be done before Mary J. Blige shows up.

9 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided

3 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon all-purpose flour

2 2/3 cups whole or lowfat milk

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg

Salt and ground black pepper

1 medium onion, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

1 pound assorted (shiitake, oyster, porcini, chanterelles, etc.) or just cremini mushrooms, thinly sliced

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh sage (I used less)

2 pounds Napa cabbage, 12 large leaves removed from the head, and reserved, the remainder sliced thin

1/2 cup dry white wine

1 1/2 pounds (about 4) yukon gold potatoes, sliced 1/8-inch thick

1 cup grated Parmesan cheese, or Västerbotten (the chef’s preference).

Heat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large sauté pan over medium heat, melt 6 tablespoons of the butter. Add flour, stir for 3 minutes (do not allow to brown), then gradually whisk in milk, stirring until thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Stir in nutmeg and season with salt and pepper to taste. Scrape sauce into a bowl, and reserve.

Wipe out sauté pan (rinse if needed) and melt 2 tablespoons of the remaining butter over medium heat. Add onion and garlic, and sauté until onions are translucent. Add mushrooms, sage and sliced cabbage, and sauté until fragrant and the cabbage is tender, 10 to 12 minutes. Add wine and sauté until it has evaporated. Add reserved sauce and simmer for 10 minutes. The mixture should be very thick. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

While the mushroom and cabbage mixture is simmering, pour 6 cups of water into a stock pot, and bring to a boil. Add whole cabbage leaves, and blanch for 2 minutes. Drain under cold water, and pat dry on towels.

Grease a 9-by-9-inch baking dish or a lasagna pan of your choice (I used this) with remaining 1 tablespoon of butter.

To assemble the lasagna, line the bottom of the dish with half the cabbage leaves, and top with half the potatoes, half the creamed mushrooms. Repeat the layering of cabbage, potatoes and mushrooms, and top with grated cheese. Cover snugly with foil, and bake for 30 minutes. Uncover, and bake until the top is golden brown and potatoes are tender, about 20 minutes but up to 10 minutes longer if needed. Allow to cool for 10 minutes, and serve.

Do ahead: I prepared the sauce and all of the vegetables and then ran out of time when I made this, stashing them in the fridge separately and baking it the next day, which works totally fine. You can also make the dish, chill it, and bake it when needed, and leftovers reheat well too. Finally, you could freeze the whole dish for a later date.

Source: https://smittenkitchen.com/2018/11/cabbage-and-mushroom-lasagna/