#i just have a lot of ffeelings

[thejumbers]

i just really want beth and jerry to out loud acknowledge how they’ve hurt morty. like im all for them acting and treating him better but i want them to SAY that they fucked up and APOLOGISE like the boy has gotten so much shit. of  course rick as well but it feels different? like we KNOW rick hurts morty thats the whole show i just dont want specifically beth to act like she hasnt put herself, rick, summer, everyone over morty a million times because she resented him for being jerrys son

[elusiiev]

The Brainrot is Consuming me.

anyway earlier me an my friends were discussing what kinda clothes the main cast of omor would wear bc.... yk half of the cast is in fucking npc ass attire, and we went back and forth about it a lot and now i feel obligated to share this with other people to see if they might agree with my headcanons

mari - for mari i feel like she's very much a cardigan girly, sundresses all the time, probably like sweetheart and square necklines on a lot of her shirts, and she consistently puts lots of time into her appearance, more so for her own pleasure than anything else. however if she doesnt get to change out of pajamas she'd probably get a little upset and feel unproductive as a result - idk she just seems very schedule oriented and i feel her clothing style and habits would match that. she 100% irons clothes, if somethings wrinkly shes not wearing it, and she'd lean into the academia aesthetic. she also gives summer vibes to me, but that might just be because the main canon images of her are during summertime - also lots of purples and yellows, purples her fav color and yellow is the complementary color, plus a color associated with bright light and summertime

hero - he'd probably have a more basic style of fashion, but still look very cute in it. like big sweatshirts, long coats, button ups, wide leg jeans, collared shirts, clean shoes, all in all a very clean look. he prob has some of mari's jackets in his closet that he wears pretty frequently. also he would always wear earrings BECAUSE I SAID SO I THINK ITS AWESOME he might also be a bit into academia fashion, but less over-the-top "i'm the top professor of this college" look and more just autumnal tones and mildly professional attire. also i feel like hero would iron some of kel's clothes if he noticed they were very wrinkled, which might result in hero running out of time to iron clothes for himself, in which he just switches his outfit last minute. this is hyperspecific but but but but but yes

kel - this man does not know fashion, all his tips are from hero, which hero got from mari. his wardrobe probably consists of graphic tees he found funny or pretty, hand-me-downs from hero, and plain shirts and jeans, probably with a couple rips in them from him being reckless. also he always wears some sort of brace, either on his arm or leg he is consistently getting hurt in some minor way /j dirty converses real!! also probably some pen/pencil marks on articles of clothing from getting bored and deciding to doodle randomly on them. also bracelets from random fundraisers or from crafts with the rest of the gang

aubrey - shes actually kinda hard for me to figure out, but i ffeel like aubrey would be wearing a lot of graphic tshirts and tank tops, but like those ones with extra detail yk the ones the grunge ones yeah those, and like huge cargo pants or wide leg jeans, chains hanging from pockets, necklaces and bracelets, and generally ripped things. so kinda punk but also still very fem and not very out there in terms of fashion styles . however this would only be half the time, this half is when she's really feeling like putting in effort to look nice, probably being like "im gonna be like mari today" and spending a good chunk of time putting together an outfit and such. the other half she's fucking done with it and throws on whatever shirt she can find and some pants, tosses her hair a little bit and throws on eyeliner and is out the door, somehow looking gorgeous still. like that effortlessly pretty look even when theres nothing outstanding abt the outfit

basil - grandma ass /j he probably thrifts constantly and the antique store is one of his fav places, so it seeps into how he dresses. lots of sweatshirts with intricate embroidered or sewn in designs, coats, lots of browns and greens, and very worn things. probably wears some traditionally feminine things he finds too jsut because he thought they were nice, again think grandmacore /j he's a very green and wiggly boy, lots of layers in his outfits, and is pretty rarely seen with short sleeve shirts. also collared shirts, messenger bags, pins, custom patches, and friendship bracelets. his clothing represents who he is and can tell a lot about him for the most part, basically story telling through what he wears since he has so many accessories that come from different places. also lots of floral patterns because he's he's the flower boy the little man the flower guy . in summary cottagecore mori kei esque things

sunny - his ass is not putting together outfits /j ok so i feel like sunny is the type to save his energy for other things, i feel like socializing might be a bit draining for him but he loves his friends, so he kind of switches up how he uses his energy to accommodate. but sometimes he'd probably wanna be like mari and put himself otgether, so he probably goes shopping with her and has cute clthes, his outfits just end up being very simple with a graphic tshirt and maybe an oversized jacket. HE ALWAYS WEARS SHORTS!!!! he dislikes the feel of pants and preferred shorts, even if he's cold. if he'd cold he just kinda balls up and puts a jacket around his legs. anyway i feel like he's probably being restricted a lot by his preferences (i hc he has autism and this is one of the ways it impacts him) so he's not the most fashionable person

OK THATS IT this took too long to write it took like maybe 30 minutes ummmmfehrhfweifu im obsessed with this game its taking over my every thought i needed to express this my brains going crazy bhhuu8ewifihbweifuweifok

[marisaeon]

i’ve been thinking about aeon wedding A LOT recently. like imagine ada wearing a traditional chinese wedding dress, hair pinned back with butterfly clips. i feel like it’d be a tiny wedding… possibly just the two of them marrying in secret. but i’d love to hear your thoughts and headcanons <3

YESSSS!! I had an ask about aeon wedding a while back actually, and I totally agree that it'd be something in secret! Or very small. But that doesn't stop Ada from dressing up. In a traditional Chinese wedding dress, red will always be her color, and the gold accessories she would wear STUNNING. If she wore a western one, definitely something to show her curves.

If public, the idea of it overwhelms the both of them, Ada would be known as Mrs. Kennedy.. Just thinking about it makes her worry. Leon is mostly excited, becoming even closer to her. I feel like he's the type to brag about his wife IDK loll

They'd have wedding bands, and Leon would wear his everyday. But it just depends on Ada's mood whether she wears it out or not. It's beautiful though, with red detailing in it. Sometimes she'd just stare at it, admiring what had been chosen for her.

If it was privately, they wouldn't wear them. (｡•́︿•̀｡) but maybe they'd have it as something else!

Something similar, I'm a huge studio ghibli fan, and the wedding scene in the wind rises is so cute. Where the main character wanted to marry his girlfriend, but they didn't have time to plan one properly. So, he married her that very night ♡ it was a traditional wedding, if I remember properly. It was just them and their parents to marry them (correct me if I'm wrong)

I FFEEL LIKE THAT WOULD BE AEON. "Why wait? Just marry me now."

Something like that, did I get side tracked?

( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) i totally did, hope you enjoyed tho!

[bisolationist]

You seem very nice. One of the reasons I'm only rad aligned and not full on radfem is because of the way they treat "unconventional" abuse survivors.

If you were a woman who was abused by another woman, youre not allowed to develop trauma from that, you're not allowed to ffeel unsafe around women, youre not allowed to criticize female separatism. Ugh idk i just feel like you'd understand how it feels like to be a survivor of something thats seen as maybe less serious or less important? Sorry if this is like hurtful idk how to phrase it.

I feel like there's no space for women like me in feminism let alone radfeminism and i feel like the only people who can be kind to me, understand and extend some empathy are the "overlooked"/non conventional survivors.

I'm sorry, I can't speak to that since I'm not a radfem, but I'm really sorry you've encountered that. I have definitely heard from other people abused by women that they also found a lot of difficulty in finding support and made to feel their trauma/abuse was inherently not "Serious". I deeply empathize with that so I'm so sorry.

I think quite honestly, that nearly all groups of any ideology or rhetoric are far more anti-victim than they realize. They have not shed the anti-victim mentality of our general culture, they only mime supporting certain victims when it suits them for other goals that make them feel good. I say this in seeing how they have treated other abuse victims in practice, even ones that were "ideal" victims according to their worldview. But you're right that survivors that they at least view as "non conventional" often receive a lot of outright contempt and unnecessary hatred.

Again, not specific to radfems, but rather it speaks to how pervasive and ingrained anti-victim mentality is. On some level when faced with actual victims a lot of people see us as being either whiny just for speaking up or as troublemakers.

[echos-castle]

tired mx echo, bit of a vent so sorry

accidentally regressed at class and it was kina upsetting was honestly really upsetting and now just ffeel so icky and tired and just wann curl up for tiby time but gotta stay be big an amd do hard assignments:(

-🧵

im so sorry you had a rough day :( i hope you were able to get your assignments done quickly and have a chill rest of your day. i hope today goes better <3 lots of love

[demonsoup]

im ssick from the vaccine yall

[hazmoonxmuses]

I love this queen sm. Queen of female hysteria <3

[mapleshmaple]

m,m

[presidentbungus]

I ffeel like… hm. i was thinkin like what if I made a sideblog for the tf2 character theme days? Like JUST for taking hc asks and responding to them and posting them or whatevs. Just constant theme days all the time bc I love doing this and want to keep at it w/o spamming my blog with it for the rest of time and (this is the important one) I could get another person or two also answering asks bc this is a lot of fucking asks to work thru lmao. not that I’m discouraging y’all from sending them ofc (I love yall and the stuff you send sm) it’d just be nice to have some extra hands. would anyone be interested in that kinda thing?

[autisticstarseed]

no offense but the concept of ‘’’’quality of life’’’’ sucks like the only part about being disabled that makes me wanna die is having to hear neurotypical/abled people discuss whether or not i should die

[softrozene]

Same anon that requested advice on anon hate. It helped a lot so thank you! Thouggh now I have a different question you don't need to answer it!! Bbut I was wondering how you cope with losing followers if you do? I ffeel so sad when I do and I know it's another silly thingg. 😅

Of course Hon, I am so glad it helped! As for your new question, mhm, it doesn’t really bother me when it happens to me and I do have my reasoning. I have multiple platforms so I tend to not really notice lol but when I do I find that the reasons people unfollow others are because:

They lose interest in the fandom.

They lose interest in your content.

They can’t remember why they followed you in the first place, and etc.

Every person has a different reason and each one is going to be valid since it is their reasoning.

However, if you are solely writing to gain followers that is a quick way to become bitter and lose all motivation for writing. It just ain’t the good route friend. If you start writing just for yourself and just become glad to share your content with others, you will become much happier.

I hope that helped! I can’t really relate to getting sad but just remember everyone has a different reason, and people tend to change their likes and dislikes as they grow.

[coldkryptonitecupcake]

“Abomination”, Ch. 15

  As they left the caves, Poppy glanced at her friend every few seconds, to the point where Sienna sighed exasperatedly. "If you have something on your mind, Poppy, spit it out."

"What was that back there? And I want a real explanation," Poppy demanded. "None of your deflections this time."

  Sienna shrugged before launching into her tale. "When I first came to the Shore, it was right after..." She trailed off as grief filled her eyes, and Poppy almost thought she saw them lined with silver. "Just after Cayde died. I was still numb, except for the anger. I knew that Spider had information on the Scorned Barons, so I broke into his safehouse. I... threatened to leak his coordinates to them if he didn't tell me where I could find them. Looking back, it was amateurish.  But he gave me Araskes. It took me three days to get her, and in the end... it was over too fast. I went back to Spider, still with that anger. He informed me that Uldren was already dead, that someone had beaten me to it. My kill had been stolen, and with it, my one shot at vengeance." Her grip tightened on her rifle, but her voice remained steady. "Spider offered me a spot as his enforcer. Long story short, I worked out most of my anger, made a lot of Glimmer, and then I quit."

"Wait, what? No one just quits Spider, that's not... you threatened him, didn't you."

  "Just a little. Besides, all''s well that ends well. He still likes to remind me that I worked for him with his 'favors'. Some day, though, he-- get down!" Sienna hissed the last two words as she dropped onto her stomach. Poppy followed suit, her eyes darting to catch a glimpse of whatever had spooked her friend. When she saw nothing, she turned, furious, intending to scold Sienna for scaring her over nothing. But when Poppy turned, what she saw making its way over the plains could never be described as "nothing".

  Trudging along the rocky and wreckage-strewn ground were a dozen Abominations, and between them they carried six cages. The cages held Fallen and Cabal, the latter filling half the cages alone. As the procession plodded past, Sienna noticed a Vandal or two wearing the red and gold of the House of Light. She nudged Poppy and jerked her chin towards them. The Warlock's eyes widened behind her helmet as she recognized the colors. She made to stand, but Sienna's hand on her arm made her pause. She stood still for a moment, thinking, before laying back down.

   After a few minutes that passed like hours, the Abominations were out of sight. Sienna and Poppy stood hesitantly, locked eyes, then summoned their Sparrows and launched off to follow the trail. As they raced along, Poppy contacted Narvuk. "Hey, big guy. Everything goin' alright back there?"

  The Knight's voice crackled through their helmet comms. "It's quiet as the Hellmouth here. But at least it's not - unf! - boring."

  "What exactly are you doing in that cave, Narvuk?," Sienna asked almost flatly, focused as she was on tracking.

  "Mph! I'm re - mm! - decorating, like I ssaid."

  Poppy laughed for a moment before turning it into a cough when Sienna turned and glared at her. "We're on the trail of some Scorn activity, possibly related to the 'cooperation' Spider mentioned. For now, just stay there, and I'll call if we need you... or when we're on our way back. Poppy out." She cut the feed as Sienna signaled to stop ahead. The pair hopped off their Sparrows and crouched behind a nearby outcropping.

  When they peeked over, they saw a Hive rune circle surrounded by strange monoliths, but within the circle stood a Scorn Chieftain. "Umm, Sonni? Any idea what we're looking at here?"

  "The runes and circle configuration match previously logged transformative and enhancement rituals, though there appear to be minor differences, I'm assuming out of convenience. Do be careful," the Ghost warned before vanishing. Poppy relayed the assessment to Sienna quietly as the Hunter peered down at the ritual. As she took in every available detail, she noticed the cages from before stacked behind the Chieftain, but no sign of the Abominations. With the elevated view, she could see red and gold on almost half of the Fallen. The rest were either House Dusk or Spider's "associates".

  "Poppy, we've got a slight complication," Sienna whispered, pointing out the allies below. "Options are limited, there's more than we could sneak out efficiently. Thoughts?"

  "We could do what we always do: shoot our way in and out."

  "We've got a Chieftain, no idea where the Abominations went, Traveler knows what else, and you want to charge in there like a Striker? I might be a sharpshooter, but one rifle can only do so much. We need backup."

  "There's no time! Even Narvuk is too far away to help."

   Just as Poppy finished, the sound of a transmat sounded behind them. When the two whipped around, Narvuk stood before them, though he quickly got down when he noticed their tension. "How did you find us?," Sienna whispered harshly, lowering her rifle.

  "I can ffeel Hive magic. It has small effects on the land from far away, but when you've been part of them, it's like hhearing a song you know by heart faintly," Narvuk explained. "Whhat have you seen?" Poppy quickly filled him in on the situation. "The runes... this is like the Ogre ritual. They twist flesh and mind, using Light as both temptation and torture. The result, as yyou've seen, is normally mindless and fueled only by rage. But that is when a Thrall is subjected to this."

  "So this Chieftain is going to be an even bigger problem, is what you're saying," Sienna summed up. The Knight nodded, and Sienna turned back to the plateau before them. "Two Wizards now, no visible backup. The way I see it, we've got one advantage. The Fallen have a sense of self-preservation that's unmatched. They'll help if we can free them. Narvuk, you think you can break those bars?" He gave her a look that suggested he would be raising an eyebrow if he had them, and Sienna rolled her eyes and turned to Poppy. "You hate Wizards? Good. They're your priority once the Fallen are free. If we can disrupt this ritual, we have a chance. I'll cover you both. Go!," the Hunter ordered.

   Narvuk crept down the cliff face as quickly as he could, almost 20 meters from Sienna's position. About a meter from the ground, he let himself fall the rest of the way and landed with a soft thump. He crouched down and swiftly crept to the cages, staying as low as he could manage. As he approached, a few of the Fallen noticed him and hissed. He hastily motioned for them to quiet down, but only succeeded in agitating them further. He planted his sword in the ground to prove his intent, and some of the hissing stopped as Dregs and Vandals looked at him in confusion. He extended his hand, and Zivath materialized, saying nothing as she did. Some of the Fallen, mostly the ones wearing red and gold, pushed their way to stand in front of the Knight, still glancing in wonder at his Ghost.

  "Ddo you... understand me?," Narvuk asked, cocking his head at the nearest Vandal. It hesitated, likely fearing a trap, then nodded. "Good. If you wwant to escape, stand back." The Vandal's four eyes widened as it grasped his plan, then frantically waved its companions back. Narvuk rolled his shoulders, gripped the bars, and pulled. For a few moments, nothing seemed to happen. Then, with a roar like a lion, the Knight tore the cage wide open, the bars screeching as they bent and twisted against their will.

  As the Fallen rushed out, Narvuk saw Poppy leaping at the Wizards through the emptying cage. He turned back, retrieved his sword, and cut open the other two cages of Fallen. One of the spined Vandals, Spider's by Poppy's description, gestured for the rest to follow him, but stopped to say something to his savior. "We have cache nearby. Will return to assist soon." With that, he turned to guide his fellows, and Narvuk shoved through the empty cages to fight with his friends.

  He learns compassion. It weakens him, [dulls] him. I have no need for him if he is weak. He will have to be [resharpened] if I am to succeed. I am a scalpel, and I will cut away the rot.    

[ninakaina]

i just finished playing patho 2 and since ur one of my fave pathologic blogs i wanted to hear abt ur opinions on the endings- i went with nocturnal and definitely felt happy with the choice i made. but i wanna hear more in depth thoughts on them if u have any to share bc i felt a lot of things during the ending and i just really wanna hear thoughts from other ppl especially bc i think ur opinions r always quite sexy and correct

i do have. a lot of thoughts on the endings. however i can’t make them into normal words. all my thoughts on the endings (mostly diurnal, but chapter 1 talks a little about nocturnal) are in whale fall if you havent read that-- and there will be a lot more, im still struggling to express them in writing. nocturnal ending made me crazy crazy i was crying the whole time  and id ffeel like charlie kelly pepe silvia if i tried to get into all my feelings abt it rn

[purpleyin]

Flash 6x04 thoughts

Fun to get a Halloween episode and this one was RAW, so much emotion flying about. Also some fun action. It was a weird mix of comical and angst-ridden but somehow that worked?

As usual, rest behind a cut because it be long.

lol to the previously on doing Cisco airqutoes for “Nash”.

ooh we see Caitlin, if only in the previously on.

Aw, he seems like a nice doctor at the start so my immediate assumption is he's gonna die isn't he :(

Wow Ramsey is sweaty, presumably feverish and I was honestly surprised the other doctor doesn’t notice it and ask him if he’s feeling alright... See ramsey this is why you shouldn’t put random dudes blood in you.

I’m with Cisco on the not just accepting it. But do they know how Barry dies is vaporising by antimatter? I thought the scenes we got implied he died by running too fast as part of some solution or was that not running fast enough to outrun it? It’s all so vague about how Barry saves everyone and I feel like they should be talking specifics, because that’d be how to out think fate.

Very different circumstances/motivations of course but Barry being so very acepting of fate kinda of struck me me as a parallel to Savitar who also didn’t seem to work that hard to escape the crappy fate he had in S3. I know an interview I saw a transcript for somewhere had them mentioning S3 was about how you face death and that this season was about the opposite in some way - maybe how to live post-crisis? 

Really, those lines from Frost in the lounge seems less Frost cadence and more Caitlin here so it’s a bit confusing why they didn’t have Caitlin briefly back to speak those...

It did bug me why is Frost so accepting of Barry sacrificing himself but we get the answer later anyhow. fFeel like Barry leaving the lounge there was a missed opportunity for a Iris/Frost talk and someone to ask Iris how she’s coping with it all.

Joe’s comment about Cisco wanting to save lives but Barry and Cisco go about it differently was interesting. Is the main difference is Cisco wouldn’t give up, he wants to save everybody and maybe that is unrealistic overall and something he needs to work on? But Barry is only so defeatist because he's convinced he’s seen all possibilities - and I’m not convinced he did since they stopped the procedure short due to it overloading his body/brain.

Anyhow, saving lives is the clearly the theme here for the episode. Ramsey wants to too but it’s how it can twist people - Cisco making a choice that was both self-lress for Barry and selfish for wanting to save his friend rather than others and Ramsey’s self-preservation trumping everything else.

Wondering just how fast does HLH progress in this. What I read up on it online did not sound like what they were talking about in the show so I’m not expecting this is medically accurate... I don't quite get why use the centrifuge once he puts the black blood into new blood to create more. I thought centrifuges were to to seperate stuff, no? But I should probably stop expecting medical/scientific accuracy.

Aw to the flashbacks to his mum. I do wish we could have seen her with Caitlin too given the strong bond they are said to have had. The flashbacks feel a touch out of place but I’m guessing this is to humanize him more as he grows more monstorus for a contrast to what he was.

Cisco really isn’t budging is he. Maybe the solution here would be Barry could convince Cisco it’s the only way if Cisco could see all the possibilities too by some method. But I do not think he saw all, only a lot of them (and so didn’t see Oliver’s involvement? or did he see that and Barry dying is the only version where everyone including Oliver survives?).

Barry deciding they’d cure Ramsey did throw me a bit, his focus on how to teach Cisco about saving people is weird (also surely Cisco has saved his share of people as Vibe but the lesson needs to be you can’t save everyone, to pick carefully). Surely that would’ve better been a Cisco and Caitlin thing... I know it diverts quickly into something else that works for their team up but the start of that part felt like yet again they don't use the people that make most sense ala S5 and the cure.

Now I wonder whether Nash will ever use the door normally to enter. Is this gonna be his characters running gag? lol to him bugging cisco. If Cisco’s not wearing the same outfit as he was in 6x03 then where is the bug - like, shoes was a good guess if those are still the same. I'd say it could be on his hair, but surely that'd be brushed/washed out. Maybe his watch or something - or the extra troll-y option that Nash didn’t bug him at all but found out by other means.

With the look on his face at Nash’s turning up, how much patience does Barry have for another Wells? At least they get further and further from Eowells with each Wells iteration they come across but does he maybe always worry what if it could be another Eobard in Wells face, just from another earth? Is it always going to be at least somewhat hard for Barry to trust another Wells? If they do ever do Eobard as Eells from another earth, eep, maybe one of these series...Even weirder if it was not his Eobard but just another Eobard who hates all Barry Allen’s.

Aw to Iris' look when Ralph is so unethused about her dearbon lead.

Argh, why are scifi needles never just normal... eek to Ramsey’s thoughts and the obvious conclusion he's gonna need people to incubate it. Although I did expect his justification was going to be ‘for the greater good’ too. Do love the discordant feel for his theme.

So they’re in a ‘mobile research unit’ van but what did they use those for at S.T.A.R. anyway, sometimes I wanna know what other research they did other than the PA.

ah, McCulloch is gonna have another breakin, oh dear. They’re really using that namedrop as much as possible, aren’t they. I’d be surprised if they don’t make a big deal of them again somehow later in the season...

I was gonna say, how can the serum heal tissues in cases when the body doesn’t know it’s gone wrong but I guess they’re going with if more than 50% of your cells are okay those duplicate?

Oooh to it being Invasion leftovers but McCulloch has sat on that for a while. Trying to reverse engineer it? I’m sort of surprised Barry and Cisco didn’t try to too because more of that could be good to have, although meta reason is it’s too OP of course (and let’s just ignore that no matter how aweseome that serum is healing from anti-matter cancelling you out sounds like bull, but...). 

Oh yay for meta dampener plot point. They’re not overrelying on Barry’s powers this season to be the answer to everything and I really enjoy that, as well as the implication business’ are trying to stop meta crime with those things. lol to their asses getting caught. Did Nash do that just to impress them with saving them, hmm.

I did find Cisco and his plotting fun to watch but a) Cisco no no bad plan and b) if that serum needs -15 then how do thry plan to transport it? lol to Barry just following Nash. Ooh to the explaining his disappearing act last ep with the smoke ball transporters. Kinda comedic for Grant with somestuff this season and I enjoy a bit of that - the faceplant into the floor post-transport especially. XD

Aw to Ralph eating his feelings. Argh to sad Ralph being mean Ralph when Iris is only trying to help him! His comment did make me wonder if Iris has been avoiding Barry or Barry avoiding her, with his dealing with Frost and Cisco and team prep? Do like seeing Iris and Ralph scenes as I like their dynamic we but hoping we get Iris in scenes with others more too.

An important question is, who decorated the louge for hallowen... Maybe Frost if she’s never got to before? I know Cisco did Christmas decorations back in S4 but he does seem a bit preoccupied. I might headcanon Frost tried to distract Cisco with the task.

I swear there was a minute I thought Nash said ‘Bareon’ instead of Barry Allen, because it was said so fast and I thought he’d made up a nickname for him.

And Cisco joins the bad liars club along with Barry and Caitlin... Oh Cisco you could've put a sticker on the thermostat reading, way to make it obvious - did he want it found? He didn’t even put it somewher Barry wouldn’t be likely to see see. I suppose at least Barry got better at telling he was being lied to? He hasn’t always been good at that.

Wow to Cisco determination about not letting Barry at the serum, especially for someone without powers. But ow ow ow with the conflict of Cisco not wanting to let him sacrifice himself and Barry holding onto his friends living as the reason to do that. All the emotions!

So Barry says he's been dealing with it for weeks, but how does that add up with only telling the team last ep. Was there some time before they told them the first part about Crisis bumped up or was there more of two weeks between 6x03 and 6x04...

Oh gods, so much more ow to Barry's ’Maybe I made the wrong choice. They bringing all the Barry & Cisco feels *cries* 

Ooh to the lightning flashes on Barry’s face when he’s in Ramsey’s lab. I was fully expecting Ramsey would take it and it would be too late and just make the bloodwork cells duplicate but it was interesting they went with it didn’t work, after hyping the serum up...

Also shouldn’t Barry have mentioned the -15 storage requirement? It appears to only need -15C when it’s plot convenient... Ahhh that shot of Barry before he leaves the lab, happy to have been able to give it to Ramsey, is such classic noble Barry.

Ooh to a Joe and Ralph scene. So... another timeline pondering - when he says last summer, does he mean summer 2019 or last year’s summer in 2018 (I think the latter?) which would’ve been somewhere in s5... Oh more ow about Barry news being relating to the giving up on the Dearbon case.

Very nice they got a Chyre mention nod to s1, they’re doing good on past season mentions/callbacks this season. Such feels to Joe not saying anything to Ralph’s “I’m gonna miss him” like he can only nod.

Not sure what to make of Nash calling Cisco kid. Is it just to rile Cisco up? Wondering did he know another version of Cisco elsewhere so that’s why he so quickly gets under his skin?

Yay for Frost using the bartending skills.

Her line about you can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving re: Barry fate, not to mention the “the obsess over it leading down a dark path and a mistake you can’t fix” follow up made me think of her team-up with Savitar in S3. Wondering whether Frost wanted to be able to save him (he was the first person to accept her for her after all), for them to escape the timeloop fate and whether she was regretting what she did with getting sucked into that scheming of his.

I may have face!palmed at Ramsey and his epiphany about epinephrine. The whole you must be afraid is so frequently the key, to power usage anyhow, so this being the case is predictable. I just don’t know why he skipped to I must scared and kill people - why not add ephinprine to the blood? It’s a big jump from that to conclusion about the chemical requirements to the have to kill people while they are super afraid. Ramsey, chill, try adding some to the blood samples or something first. Or I dunno taking blood samples from scared people without killing them? There were options and he skipped to the most gruesome and extreme choice. I think I’m gonna have to assume for a smart guy he was a) too desperate to think straight and b) possibly feverish again like they showed earlier in the ep and so not thinking clearly due to being ill.

So they’re tapped into every alert citywide but I’m curious how. Do they hack every system? Or they could just make the security systems to sell  (or buy up a company that does) and add a backdoor if the labs has decent income these days, but I suppose that might backfire if anyone figured it out.

We get another Frost speeded in shot! I am finding it fun for them fighting together this season. Like seeing her using Caitlin’s medical knowledge too. The blast to get out of choke was fun, as was the, ice knuckles and there’s a nifty shot that shows off the shine in her costume. They’re really making efforts to use powers better and in varied ways (and not making people too OP/without weaknesses despite that) and I adore seeing that.

Again with Barry whump, they do like that this season too - almost always with the him thrown into something. And he gets to plead with someone again - so much Barry pleading with people lately.

lol to ‘the bad guy was taken line’ from Frost. Her character growth has been cool to see.

The Ramsey ramblings were strange, he does seem twisted from the flashbacks. I was expecting he’d justify it as wanting to find the cure for others but it is just straight up selfishness he admits, with a little meglomaniac philosophising. Also some irony to talk about finding immortality with two metas who do have healing powers that might slow their aging, although it’s other circumstances for Barry won’t live as long as he could.

That anger for the poor doctor he held hostage felt like it came out of nowhere but must’ve just been well hidden earlier in the ep, he did have other priorities after all.

Ew to the dissolving into black bloody goo for the zombies. Made me think of Stranger Things grossness from S3.

Only 5 killed actually seemed quite a low total given the chaos at the hospital. It being night time and oncology department they were, did Ramsey pick likely terminal patients? So that he could feel least guilt about killing...

The composition of that shot when Barry is talking to the team about Ramsey had a sort of last supper vibe. Also, Barry’s eyes do look red kinda like he’s been crying maybe in between the hospital and there. :( Headcanon time - Barry crying at the futility of having given Ramsey the cure to no avail. His giving up his chance to survive Cisco suggested and it coming to nothing and more people dying instead - the failure of it all getting to him. But if that happened at the hospital, I wouldn’t bet on Frost being good at comforting Barry. Though maybe she would try, figuring she'll have to get good at that too sometime and Caitlin could talk her through learning to be there for people like that?

I find it weird we get Frost turn up in the hallway to ask Iris if Ralph is okay. Don’t get me wrong, I like Frost’s concern for Ralph and their brotp but when are we gonna get a Frost and Iris scene? One just about them! And when is someone gonna ask Iris how she is with everything. It’s like Iris is just expected to be strong, while everyone else falls apart and she’s supporting them but not the same in return and it bugs me.

Ended up glad that Ramsey being bloodwork going so wrong wasn’t due to taking the serum. That'd be extra argh if Barry's choice made it worse.

Eee to Cisco and Barry making up (yay we don’t have a repeat of S3 multi ep falling out). The thing about Cisco finding it hard to pick himself up, was that why he stopped being an (obvious and in the field) hero himself with Vibe? It feels like that could relate to his mental health and heroing getting to be too much to cope with.

They're really making use of that lounge and balcony this last season or two. I like it and it makes a change from the Cortex but I sort of am starting to want more variety now, like more at Barry’s lab or Jitters...

Finally we get the Joe feels on everything. They made Barry cry again, is it gonna be every ep in the lead up...Single tears from him are big this season. Also Barry’s clothes are very S1 feel here too, I feel like they might’ve done that to up the Joe & Barry feels compared to them having more talks like this back then. It does remind me that one of the reasons I got so attached to The Flash in S1 was that I loved they had a show where a male character got to have all kinds of emotions like this, to cry if it was needed. 

So, the projection that Nash watched - did he see the Monitor moving down that corridor through the wall or was it just someone in similar outfit, could it have been Pariah?

Overall like the ep but there were some odd jump to conclusions from characters & plot choices that could have been done to better as they ended up clunky. I think emotionally, it did bother me how preachy Barry got to Cisco. Cisco hasn’t been The Flash but he has been Vibe, and with Barry from the start, so he does know heroing, he’s been there after all. That might not be the same as being the leader like Barry wanted to prepare him for, but I’m not sure Barry went about teaching Cisco what he wanted very well. It was a very obtuse way to go about it.

The contrast with the Frost ep is interesting, because Barry struggled with her at first but figured out how to get through to her after a while (with the Ramsey parallel at least). He didn’t seem to manage that with Cisco here in the same way, it’s only at the very end they realise what’s important. It makes me feel like Barry doesn’t understand Cisco anywhere near as well as Caitlin, or even Frost he could figure out. But maybe that fits narratively seeing as we haven’t had a lot of Barry & Cisco interaction last season and Barry was also irking Cisco in 6x01 with his behavour, pushing too hard and not realising. Makes me want to see/read fic for those two reconnecting better before Crisis.

[hisakoichiki]

so here is me typing this in the middle of the night and not thinking of what exactly should i say. i dont have any real life people following me here anyway so it doesn’t matter, no one will care.

so i was hired for a job that isnt related to the degree i finished but totally a qualification since it’s maintaining the laboratory and making sure the flow of being a lab assist to lerning students will be implemented. anyhoo. that makes me ffeel like a step back to what exctly do i aim for myself. eitherway, im only needed for the maximum of 8 months before i find the right job for me. yet they also offer me a teqaching job in the same school while taking up a masters degree. which is rly frustrating tbh??!?!?!!? because i feel like it doesn’t feel as if something i desire but i feel like being curated for me. instead of it being my will. im a decision maker in this equation but being forced into something is not kind of deal. i want to get a masters degree BUT.... it’s necessarily because i want it, not because im forced to do it. 

in terms of my love life, me and this guy are still friends nonetheless of him not being able to tend over even just a relationship. the first time i confessed, he told me that he’s really unstable and he didn’t rly show any sweetness as he defended upon me. which was rly true. nothing was his fault here therefore im left defeated again. when i was drunk one saturday night i bluntly said my sentiments abt the connection to even block him. he told me it was fine, but it wasn’t my predicament anymore. i was a person who has done that a bunch of times and it feels as if it’s childish to do so. i still confessed that i like hearing from him, which brought us to the conversation of how he is so understanding and im happy to know him anyhow. bringing us to the conversation of how did i like him. i told him of how i love conversationalists, and he has to know.

even that feeds his ego, because we both became honest to one another anyway. why lie?

and he’s got the load. moreso of how opposite we are and yet still i started stopping myself. he suggested for me to come back to the dating app we met for. which im literally not going back for a while since he was like the 8th guy this year. im sorry. that was me, 8 guys and nothing. the problem with them is the fact that they havent moved on from their exes, not interested in me or rushing into things all too well. 

we are push pull as of the moment, since he also apologized that he isnt talking to me as much after that cause it was for my sake anyway. which was rly fine for me. the problem abt this was how our tarot cards, a lot of readings have mentiuoned that he;s abt to say something to me. offer something. or there should be a new beginning that could happen, yet it might happen longer than that. i start to doubt abt it since we are in this type of connection. like... do i rly deserve someone like this? should i have more patience? or should i let go. he doesn’t me gone. it’s obvs. whenever i dont communicate with him he starts to initiate conversations.

this week, im pretty down lately. lots of problem and i started drowning myself again in a bucket full of cold water just to feel. and not cry. damn. im starting once again. 

[feel199x]

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩ darling of the stage ♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

jazz singer!lee felix, n jazz singer!reader, highschool!au (sorta), speakeasy!au

speak·eas·y speakeasy/ˈspēkˌēzē/

noun

INFORMAL

(during Prohibition) an illicit liquor store or nightclub.

a/n: whew this was cute i think;;; also this was weirdly longer than most of my works?? sksksk intoducing the modern roaring 20s au series,, please enjoy uwuw uhh ya like jazz?

masterlist

warnings: none??

                                ⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

You don’t know what it was about jazz music that gave you goosebumps on your arms and sent shivers down your spine. There was just something about it that brought you to the brink of tears, that made your chest tight in all the right ways. It was magical. It was a pleasant surprise when you saw the rise of speakeasies come back, and along with it, jazz, blues, and soul singers. It was underground, it was pure, unfiltered art and it was good. You never thought about your singing as a professional career, not out of low self-esteem, but because of realism. Everyone wants to be something, be big, be successful- whether they’re talented or not and those rules applied twice for music. But the truth is, not everyone could do it. But you could dream, even though you knew you were going to end up studying for a career you didn’t want and end up in a nine to five where you worked mindlessly until robots replaced you or you died. But that was life, right?

But then you started hearing jazz on your independent radio again, and your heart skipped a beat. You thought it was a one-time thing, but here it was making its way into underground culture. But then you saw a poster, posted like graffiti in the back alley of your favorite convenience store and you swore it had to be destiny. It was that night, and it was quickly approaching. It was already near midnight when you had stopped for a late-night snack, and if your parents caught you sneaking in after midnight you would have hell to pay- but there was no way you would skip out on going. Because there was never a coincidence when it came to music, it was always destiny- for better or for worse. But you couldn’t go in sweats, no ma’am. As comfortable as sweats were, you had respect for the art. And didn’t want to feel out of place. So you snuck back in and out as quietly as you could, and rushed out to the address.

The outside was a little bit sketchy, it was dimly lit and tucked into a narrow street, hidden away from plain sight. You smoothed down your outfit, walking into the modern-day speakeasy. It wasn’t packed or crowded, but there was a good amount of interesting people in the place. They were all friendly, welcoming you into the place familiarly known as ‘M.I.A.’ The lights dimmed and you sat at a table, watching the small stage be illuminated by a modest light. The pianist started playing, his hands moving delicately along the keys as the room filled with a melancholy sound. And then he came in.

The light made him look nothing less than angelic, he smiled at you as he gripped the Elvis style microphone. But the real surprise came when he began to sing, you gasped quietly, unsure of what you were expecting- but nonetheless, beautiful. It was deep but smooth- he knew how to control his voice and it sounded like what melting milk chocolate looked like. You were gazing intently at him, observing his every movement as he sang about a love that was to blossom, young love- naive love and all the heartbreak that came with it. But it was over so fast, and at the same time, you felt like you had been listening to him for forever. Even though the group was medium, the clapping that came from the group was intense and loud. You were grinning, goosebumps everywhere and the hair on the nape of your neck sticking up like porcupines.

Suddenly, a light was shining on you and you covered your eyes as a reflex. Quiet laughs rippled through the room, laughing as if they knew what was coming- because they knew something you didn’t. The man who greeted you at the door, Chan, came up to the stage and motioned for you to step up. Unsure of what else you could do, you stepped up, full of anxiety.

He spoke into the mic, “What’s your name?”

“Uh, ____.”

He smiled at you. “Ah, ___, can you sing?”

“Sort of?”

The crowd laughed lightly, as all eyes were on you. “That’s good!” he spoke, “Now, I run M.I.A here, and we like to do a little game, but no pressure, yeah? You wanna sing for us? Woojin here can play you a song.”

You looked out at the crowd, their eyes all eager and curious. You were nervous, sure, but you had already come so far.

“Sure,” you nodded, “I can sing you a song.”

“Lovely, darling!” he handed you the mic, and winked, “Give us a show!”

The crowd cheered at that, and you whispered a familiar song into Woojin’s ear as he started to play. You wrapped your fingers around the mic, making eye contact with the boy who was previously on stage, sitting at your table and winked- the crowd cheering again at that. You sang in a way that only the shower had experienced before, putting on a show like there was no one there to watch you. Singing now made you more alive than ever, eventually, someone from the back started to join in with the saxophone. You felt alive, moving like you were performing in front of a stadium- like you had done this so many times before. You were a natural, and you felt like finally, you had found your people. During all of this, you made broken eye contact with the boy from the stage as he watched you with the same intensity as you had watched him. And before you knew it, Woojin had played the last key of the song.

But more than that, you felt pride like you never had before when they clapped and clapped, even as you made your way off stage, face flush with embarrassment and pride. Chan complimented you as you stepped off the stage, and went to announce that there was food in the back as you made your way back to the table.

“You’re amazing.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” you admitted and then added, “But you-! You were amazing, I got chills- literal chills- like, oh my god.” You were rambling now. “I’m sorry,” you said, “But that- you’re a big shot. The world needs you to make music.” He laughed and you pinched yourself under the table, trying to convince yourself that you weren’t dreaming.

“You’re nothing more than an angel,” he said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you came out and told me  you were a goddess right now.”

Your cheeks when cherry red at the compliment, as you smoothed out your dress. “We should,” you paused, wondering if the move you were making was too risky, “um, would you like to duet together, sometime?”

“I was just about to ask you,” he smiled, “and of course, for that, I need your number, don’t I?”

You had to admit, the boy was smooth. His demeanor was a lot sweeter than on stage though. Up there, he looked untouchable, intimidating, like he wasn’t here to play games. He looked elusive, the kind of man you would fall for but never be able to get because you could never get through to him. You found though, that he was all soft and playful adding a bunch of cute emojis next to his contact name.

“Lix?” you asked, “That’s so cute.”

“A lot cuter when you say it, though. It’s short for Felix.”

Your eyes widened again, and you felt a shy smile peek through your blushed face. “I should go,” you said, “It’s already past my curfew.”

“Cinderella, don’t go so soon.”

“You have my glass slipper.”

He grabbed your hand and placed a kiss at the center of the back of your hand. “Until we meet again, angel.”

You couldn’t think about anything or anyone else for the rest of the night.

The past two weeks was full of thrills, even though all you had been doing with Felix was talking. There was some trouble with schedules, he went to a different school than you and as it turns out, was fairly popular at all the underground slightly exclusive clubs. Until one night, he invited you.

lix: im sorry it took so long for me to invite you! but im singing tonight and i’d love it if you came and sing with me

You: no worries! but what song?

lix: trust me, you’ll know it before woojin finishes playing the first key

You had to sneak out again, this show being even later than the first one. But it was thrilling to have to be quiet and be sure your parents wouldn’t notice that you were gone. It might’ve slightly wrong, a little bit dangerous- but that was all in the spirit of a speakeasy. Felix was singing at M.I.A again, and you were anxious, yes, but much more excited to be able to ffeel the flood of pride that you had gotten after you left the stage. The applause, the cheering- you wanted to feel all of that again. You found yourself zoning out during class, thinking about how good it felt to perform. It felt like you, a you that no one had really gotten the chance to see. And then suddenly there you were, on stage, full of charisma.

“The darling of the stage is back!” Chan greeted, “I was afraid you were a phenomena, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. A paranormal encounter.”

“Oh, you’ve caught me. But I had to come back, I missed the stage.”

“I’m glad you did, darling. Felix is waiting for you.”

As soon as Felix saw you, a bold smile spread across his face- the kind of smile where his eyes were upturned and they shined. You could feel yourself get more confident as you made your way towards him, you were in your element now- even if it was well after midnight.

“You’re here!” he clapped his hands together, “I’m so excited to sing with you, you know.”

“I don’t know, Felix,” your voice trailed off, anxiety clear in your voice, “We’ve never sung together. What if just doesn’t work?”

He frowned, pouting a bit and grabbed both your hands, staring into your eyes. It was weirdly intimate, but you held the slightly uncomfortable eye contact. “Trust me,” he smiled again, “because that’s what duets are all about. Any doubt? You sing it, okay?”

The speakeasy slowly filled up, and you heard Chan introducing you guys to step on the stage. Before you stepped back on stage, Felix grabbed your hand and whispered in your ear:

“You’ve got this.”

Woojin started playing, and he was right, you did know the song. You walked towards the piano, smiling at Woojin as he played the intro of the song, and dragging the mic with you as you sat on the piano. Your charisma on the stage wasn’t a persona, it was you- maybe it was an escapist version, but you nonetheless. This was the only place where people shared the same passion, intrigue, and infatuation with music as you. Soon, the intro finished and Felix began singing. You were caught off guard, staring at him in admiration. Felix belonged here, he belonged on stage, singing. He belonged on vinyl, singing through the speaker of a record player. It was almost automatic, the way you joined in, harmonizing, and sang your parts. You stepped off the piano, and made eye contact with Felix running your fingers along his jaw and then back as you sang your part, Felix coming in every once in a while to add backing vocals. He was right, you guys didn’t even need to practice. Whatever doubt, any fear you had, came out as you sang.

Even Woojin was coordinated, playing his own solo during the song- it was improvised, but the chemistry the trio of you had was nothing short of magical.

But every good thing came to an end. There was a standing ovation, and even though with though it was a small crowd- you felt proud. You stood there, breathless by Felix, filled with childish happiness. Felix jumped around backstage, as happy and pleased with the performance as you were.

“That was great! Oh, god, I knew it! You were perfect, I could kiss you!” He grabbed you by the shoulders still jumpy and grinning like an idiot. “Say you’ll sing with me again, love,” he pleaded, “You can’t deny it, we have some real chemistry!” Your cheeks were rosy red as he complimented you, all giddy with satisfaction.  “And when you touched my jaw,” he continued, squeezing your hands, “It felt like we’ve done this before, in a past life. So say you will, darling, sing with me.”

You gave him a sheepish smile, “Alright, but only for you.”

He pulled you in a tight hug and kissed your cheek, and your face got rosier. “Really,” he said, “I’ve never seen someone as charismatic as you on stage.”

You looked at the time and realized you couldn’t stay much longer, and couldn’t watch the rest of the performances. “I can’t stay, I’m sorry.”

Still, Felix didn’t let go of your hand. Instead, he kissed it like he did nights before.

“We’ll meet again, Cinderella.”

 Felix made it his mission to text you every day, always concerned about how you were doing and what you were doing and if you wanted to come out. It was endearing, mostly because you found yourself falling for Felix. It felt typical, and you knew that Felix wasn’t short of admirers, so you kept the devotion to yourself. It was easy at first, you would just write songs about him until your fingers hurt, but eventually, even that didn’t help you cope. In the midst of tedious studying, your phone beeped and with it, your heart skipped a beat.

lix ♡: are u busy??? i miss u,,, lets go out

you: can’t lix, i have a lot of hw. AND im grounded

lix ♡: say less

lix ♡: open your window

 This had become somewhat of a routine, your parents had grounded you the last time you snuck out to sing a ballad with Felix. When you came back, they were waiting at the kitchen table and scolded you for being out so late. It wasn’t so much they were upset about you breaking the rules, but instead the matter of being safe. It was the second, and thankfully last, week of your punishment and Felix had been whiny about it. You smiled as you opened the message and looked over to your window, Felix frantically waving and pointing at the window.

“I was about to yell at you!” he whispered, “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“You came over yesterday, lix, and you only left because we almost got caught.”

“Okay, but it feels like forever! When is your punishment over?”

“The end of this week.” You closed your notebook, knowing you could finish in between classes and noting that Lix would make sure to distract you.

“So you can sing next week, right? I wanna do something special.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“It’s a surprise.”

This might’ve brought you curiosity, but your mind was elsewhere. It had been a couple months since Felix made it a point to sing with you no matter where he went, it had become a popular act at M.I.A, the word spreading and the speakeasy’s filling up and Chan began to get voluntary support for what once used to be just a hobby. The both of you had even gained some popularity on your own with your solos but preferred to sing together. Your anxiety grew as your popularity did because you were afraid of it becoming less authentic. As pretentious as it sounded, you knew that people changed in popularity- no matter the circumstances.

“Hey, ___, what are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar!”

Felix walked to your desk, squishing your face as he looked at you, coaxing a confession. “C’mon love, tell me,” he pouted, “Please, please, please-”

“I’m scared.”

His face softened as he pulled you in a hug, your face squished against his chest. “You like, breathe talent,” he comforted, “You can sing, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“That’s not it. I’m just...What if we change? What if people end up liking you more than me and-”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“It could, you’re so much more talented than me and so much more emotional.”

“None of that’s true. Besides, we’ll deal with that problem when it comes, if it comes. We have to live in the now.”

“Live in the now?”

“Artists are the only one that understand mortality, so we live large.”

“Famous last words, Lix.”

He let go of you, spinning your desk chair and making you face him, a smirk painted on his face.

“You know what you need right now?”

You couldn’t help but smile even as you said: “No, lix! It’s late! Lix!” He ignored you, pulling you off your chair as you fell into his arms. There was no music, no instrumental, but he didn’t need it. The two of you slow danced as Felix sang quietly in your ear, his deep voice echoing through your body and giving you goosebumps all over. He sang you a couple songs as you closed your eyes, letting yourself calm down as he swayed you in his arms. Felix pulled you away, tucking a hair behind your ear.

“___, I think now is a good time to-.”

You heard your parent’s bedroom door open. “Lix, my parents- you have to go.” You eyed the door, pushing him lightly towards the window.

“Just text it to me, okay?”

He gave you a small, sheepish smile. “Come to M.I.A next Friday, ready for a ballad.” He slipped out the window, and out into the spring wind and you watched as he went down the fire escape. You sat quickly at your desk, flipping to a random page in your notebook as your dad opened the door to check on you.

“Everything alright?” he asked suspiciously, “Thought I heard you talking.”

“I’m fine, a friend just called.”

He scanned your room and then finally nodded, closing the door and sighed in relief. And even though everything seemed fine, you were internally freaking out. It wasn’t like Felix never touched you- skinship wasn’t exactly rare between you two, especially on stage- but that didn’t make it any less flustering for you, and it didn’t exactly help your crush either.

You couldn’t sleep that night.

Felix was asking weird the following week. It was obvious, but more of a subtle feeling. You thought it had something to do with whatever he wanted to tell you, but whenever you brought it up, he changed the subject. But what was most notable, was the fact that not once had he come by to visit and distract you. Usually, you two would meet up to work on song lyrics, along with the help of Woojin for his knowledge in composing songs. But the both of them canceled, and this was something none of you ever canceled, no matter the circumstances. You weren’t oblivious, okay you were, but you knew something had to be going on. So, even though it was a risky move, you snuck out again.

lix ♡: ur coming right??

lix ♡: pls tell me ur coming

you: relax lix

lix ♡: wear smthn like,,, real cool and red!

lix ♡: not that you dont usually look cool

lix ♡: u know what i mean

lix ♡: im gonna stop talking

you: thats a good idea

You had learned from your mixtape last time, and never again would you leave and enter by the front door again. You ran through the streets, realizing you were going to be late if you didn’t move quickly.

“You’re lucky you have the voice of an angel,” Chan teased as he hurried you in, “Woojin has been entertaining the crowd, but everyone’s anxious for the ballad.”

“I’m sorry, I had trouble sneaking out. It’s late you know.”

“I won’t apologize for that, three am is the most honest time of them all.”

M.I.A was full of people, some you recongized from your first time, waving at them as they raised their plastic cups at you. Most of them, though, you didn’t recongized and you swam through the sea of people. Woojin was still playing, giving you a playful glare as you stepped backstage, finally seeing Felix. He was wearing a red silk shirt, slightly unbuttoned and it he looked good.  You were no stranger to matching, but you two had never been this coordinated. But before you could say anything, Woojin transitioned into the ballad. For some reason, the song Felix had chosen barely featured another person. You had sung on your own a couple times, so this wasn’t new, but it was a lot more anxiety-provoking when you had to do it alone. You gave Felix a stern look before stepping on stage, your demeanor completely changing as you felt your weight make the stage's wood floor creak.

You were in your element, you were talented. This was the real you.

The song wasn’t sad, not like the ones you had sung with Lix before, but it was promising, about love and faith. Your favorite part is when the audience caught onto the words, singing along or even bringing out their instruments and playing along with Woojin. And that’s exactly what happened then. Saxophone joined the melody, and then bass. It felt good, to sing and sway- to have your voice be showcased. Felix joined you, and you winked at him as he joined you by your side, gaining a cheer from the audience. Sure, you were flirty as your fingers pressed against Felix’s jaw to make him look at you as he sang, but skinship wasn’t rare between you too. He held prolonged eye contact as you harmonized. But then, the tempo changed and Woojin started to play a completely different song, the rest of the instrumentals joining him in a heartbeat. You were lost and gave Felix a questioning look, but instead of giving you a reassuring look, he smirked. You sat on Woojin’s piano, legs crossed as you leaned back- watching the events unfold before you. Felix started singing a song you had been working on the past weeks, but unable to get just right. And as he got to the chorus, he pulled you off the table and the two of you danced as he looked at you- matching the charisma you had on stage just a minute before. You were unsure of what he was doing, but you danced along- making sure that you looked good, and upheld your charm.

Felix stopped singing, but Woojin and the rest continued to play.

“I know you have to go back to heaven soon, angel, but would you give me the honor of being mine?”

“Is that a real question? You’re my duet partner, it’s destiny.”

Encouragement for a kiss exploded from the crowd, even Woojin stopped playing to join the chanting. So you did.

Nothing changed between you and Felix, excpet for the fact that he would take any chance to kiss you and make sure that you knew that he loved you. You performances continued to get more popular, and the chemistry you has ton stage only grew.

 That’s what was jazz was all about, the 20s have found their roar again.

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