#i just remembered cause my friends and I got drunk af and they just said yeah bitch you’re prolly autistic 💚

[kiingbiing]

-

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 19 Soobin — drunk sex // dirty talk

➥ best friend!Soobin × reader

summary: Best friends Soobin & Y/N get a little too drunk at a friend’s house party and end up back at her place after drunkenly confessing their feelings for one another.

wc: 3.2k

warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, alcohol consumption, friends to lovers, sexual content (minors dni!): oral (f receiving), protected sex (at least they remembered lol), lowkey love making cause they're so in love with each other, use of pet names (baby, honey, angel, bunny, etc), dirty talk (like a LOT of dirty talk because Soobin can't shut up), big d!ck!Soobin, admissions of 'I love you' 'cause they're sappy af. I think I got everything but let me know if I missed any!

a/n: psa: drunk sex isn't always consensual and I know that. Everyone should know that. This is fantasy, don't use this as a guide whatsoever lol that being said, the reader and soobin have been pining over each other for close to a year and are down so bad for each other that once they drunkenly admit their feelings, they're all in. Thank you for reading and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon

Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog @kosmoreads @yourfavoritefreakyhan

Txt taglist: @niktwazny303 @rapmonie2047 @rdiamond2727 @kangfication

MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED.

Join the taglist!

════════════════════════════════

How you ended up here, you'd never fully understand. One minute, you were standing in the kitchen at Yeonjun's apartment with your best friend, Soobin, and the next you were under him, your back pressed to your mattress as his lips attacked yours.

You remembered standing in the kitchen as you got yourself another drink when Beomgyu poked his head into the room and called over to you that a game of Paranoia was about to start and Soobin was saving you a spot.

You don't remember walking into the room or sitting down between your best friend and Taehyun who smiled at you as you accidentally bumped into him and waved off your tipsy apology.

You knew this game very well as you actually taught it to this group of friends. One by one, one person would whisper a question into the ear of the person sitting next to them. The person would then answer the whispered question out loud.

To find out what question was asked, the person who was asked had to repeat it or take a shot. Normally you'd flip a coin for this but it was a party with alcohol, of course the house rules would include shots, that was just Yeonjun's rules.

It was Taehyun's turn to ask you a question and he leaned in and asked you so clearly. "Do you have feelings for anyone in the circle and if so, who?" You sat up straight and without missing a beat, you said your best friend's name aloud.

Soobin looked from you to Taehyun who gave the older man a wide grin, looking rather pleased with himself. "What was the question, Y/N," Yeonjun asked, leaning back against the couch, arms crossed over his chest, a knowing smirk on his face.

Did everyone know what Taehyun had asked you? Was this all some sort of elaborate set up? Your mind was so focused on these thoughts that you hadn't even heard Soobin asking if you were okay. When you finally came back to reality, the game had moved on past you and Soobin. You apologized but Soobin dismissed it.

Finally it came back to you and Taehyun now had a devilish grin on his face as he made eye contact with Yeonjun who seemed to have the same expression as Taehyun leaned over. You weren't sure if it was your imagination or the alcohol but the way Taehyun placed his hand on your knee as he leaned in felt oddly intimate.

"Do you want to sleep with anyone here, if so, who?" he whispered in your ear. Your eyes widened almost comically, making others sitting in the circle laugh at your response and speculate what was asked while you processed the question and how to answer it.

Truthfully, you did have someone you wanted to kiss and he was sitting right next to you, all 6'1 of him crammed into a small space between you and some guy whose name you forgot two drinks ago. You licked your lips, suddenly aware of how dry your throat seemed.

"I need water," you croaked out, making several people boo as you got up, ignoring their protests and demands you answer the question. The last thing you saw before entering the kitchen was Soobin's concerned face. You opened the fridge door, grabbed a bottle of water, twisted the cap off, and took a large gulp.

"You okay?" you heard the gentle voice of your best friend as he approached and greeted him with a fake smile. "Just peachy!" You lied, taking another sip. Soobin reached out for the bottle and you handed it to him, averting your eyes as he took a large drink.

"You're a terrible liar," he muttered, handing the bottle back to you. You took another sip and then another, trying to finish the bottle as quickly as possible to escape whatever awkward conversation was about to happen only Soobin was too fast.

"What did he ask you?"

You cursed yourself mentally, you should have known he'd ask you this. Anyone would honestly after the way you reacted to Taehyun's whispers. If you had been in their shoes, you'd be curious, too.

"It's nothing," you said quietly. "Let's just forget it, please."

You moved to cross the room but Soobin's large hand closed around your wrist, halting your escape abs pulling you back in front of him. "I'm your best friend, Y/N. I can tell whatever he asked is affecting you, so please," he said softly. "Don't push me away."

You felt tears burn the corner of your eyes. "Please Soobin," you whispered. "Don't ask me to repeat it." Your best friend's eyes widened upon seeing your reaction to being pressed and sighed, pulling you into a hug. "If he said anything inappropriate, I swear I'll kill him," he grumbled.

You shook your head. "It's not his fault."

"Don't you dare protect him, Y/N. He clearly asked something to make you uncomfortable on purpose. The look on his face made it obvious," Soobin said, hugging you tighter. There was no way he could hear your heart hammering in your chest but he acted like he couldn't hear anything. "He just asked…" you started softly.

"If I liked anyone in the circle," you finally blurted out. Soobin pulled back to look at you. "And you do? Is that why you panicked and had to leave the room?" he asked softly. You shook your head.

"No, that question was if I wanted to sleep with anyone," you answered. Soobin's brow furrowed. "He asked both of those questions just now?" he inquired, looking even more confused when you shook your head. "No. The question about liking someone was earlier," you replied and then covered your mouth with your hand.

You just let it slip, inadvertently, that you liked your best friend. You hoped he wouldn't catch on but luck, it would seem, was not on your side. Soobin's voice was soft when he spoke.

"You… like me?"

You sighed, nodding slowly. "Yes," you replied softly. You felt him cup your cheeks and tilt your head to look at him. "And what was your answer to the second question?" Soobin asked, eyes boring into yours. Your cheeks burned under his intense gaze.

"Y-you," you answered, voice trembling.

Everything that happened next was so fast. Soobin crashed his lips against yours, tasting the drink you'd made yourself on your tongue. You whimpered against his lips as he backed you up against the counter, hands grabbing the front of his hoodie to stabilize yourself.

When he finally pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, he sighed, letting out a couple laughs. "I've been wanting to hear that for so long," he admitted. "I like you so much, you dork," he added, pulling back to look into your eyes.

You don't remember the ride to your place, only remembering Soobin telling the others he was taking you home and that you were tired and needed to sleep. You remembered him supporting you in the elevator down to the lobby then suddenly you were walking into your building lobby.

"How did we even get here? I don't remember being in a taxi," you said, pushing Soobin back so you could speak. "You fell asleep in the car," he answered, moving to caress your cheek. "And then you woke up when we got here."

You accepted this answer because it made sense and you trusted Soobin to tell you the truth as he's always done. You pulled him back down into another kiss, moaning against his lips as you felt him roll his hips against yours. "Fuck, it feels huge," you whimpered as he grinding against you.

"Does it?" he asked, lips ghosting over your cheek and down your neck. "Think you can take all of it?" he murmured, his lips tugging into a slight smirk. "You wanna try?" he asked, grinding against you again. "Hng, Soobin," you groaned.

Your best friend sat up, pulling his hoodie off and leaning over to undo your jeans. "Wanna find out if you can take all of this cock?" He asked softly, tugging your jeans and panties off in one go.

"Soobin," you whined, pressing your thighs together, hiding your glistening sex from him. He pushed your knees apart slowly. "Don't hide from me, baby," he said softly, eyes focusing on your most private parts. Parts of your body he's never seen before.

"Fuck, you're so wet, Y/N," he muttered, sliding his hands up your thighs to your hips and pulling you closer to him. "Can I taste you?" he asked, glancing up as you nodded, cheeks heating up under his dark gaze. "Yes," you whispered.

He settled onto his stomach, his head nestled between your thighs and arms curling up around your thighs, holding your hips in place as he kissed the inside of your thighs before licking slowly up your sex to your clit, pushing his tongue past your lips and teasing the sensitive nub with the tip of his tongue.

You let out a moan, one hand moving to his hair, holding tightly as he delivered lick after lick, the lewd sounds of him licking and sucking filling the room along with your breathless gasps and moans. You felt one hand move up your side to cup your breast over your shirt. Before Soobin slipped his hand under the material.

Your back arched off the bed as his tongue continued to pleasure you, his hand kneading the soft flesh of your breast. "Mhn, Binnie" you whimpered, your muscles tensing under his touch, your thighs shaking as he drew your orgasm closer and closer with his tongue.

"You gonna cum for me, baby?" he asked, pulling away momentarily but continuing to draw circles on your clit with his thumb. "Y-yes," you gasped. Soobin hummed in response, leaning his head against the inside of your thigh.

"Then cum for me, angel," he murmured, replacing his thumb on your clit with his tongue, giving it quick flicks before sucking and driving you over the edge. Your thighs tried to clamp around his head but he was quick to hold them open, licking and lapping at your clit as you came, moaning his name and tugging on his hair.

Soobin pulled back, wiping his chin with his shirt as he watched your chest heave with each deep breath. You were a sight to see. He never thought he'd ever get to see you from this angle.

He pushed himself up, moving up to hover over you. "God you're so pretty," he mumbled, leaning down to kiss you, tongue slipping between your parted lips and making you taste yourself.

You groaned, grabbing at his shirt and trying to pull it off him. Soobin chuckled, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it off quickly, tossing it aside and capturing your lips once more.

"I want you so bad," you whined, hands moving to undo his jeans. "You want me inside you?" Soobin asked as you unzipped his pants, your hand pushing past the waistband of his boxers and wrapping around his thick cock. He let out a moan, forehead resting against yours as your hand slowly stroked him.

"Fuck, that feels so nice," Soobin groaned as your hand moved faster. "I'll bet it feels even better inside," you mumbled, your free hand moving to the back of his neck and pulling him down, tongues meeting in a sloppy and rushed kiss as you continued to stroke him.

"Where do you keep your condoms?" Soobin asked, breaking the kiss suddenly. "Over there," you muttered, pointing towards the bedside table. Soobin reached over, opening the drawer and grabbing one and sitting up.

He pulled your hand out of his underwear, much to your dismay and rid himself of both his pants and his underwear before pulling your shirt off finally exposing your chest to him. His hands moved up your sides, moving to cup your chest.

"Have I ever told you how absolutely breathtaking you are?" he asked softly, making your cheeks burn at his compliment. "I'll tell you every day for the rest of my life if you'd let me," he admitted as he grabbed the condom, opened it and rolled it down his length.

You barely had a chance to catch a glimpse of it before he was guiding the tip to meet your slit. "I'll go slow," he said, looking up from where your bodies were about to meet to catch your gaze.

"I don't want to hurt you," he added, rubbing the tip against you slowly. "Spread your legs for me a bit more, baby," he continued, watching as your hands grabbed your thighs just under the back of your knees and spread your thighs further apart as he instructed.

"That's it," he cooed, pressing the tip of his cock against your entrance. "Such a good little bunny. So responsive and willing to take my cock. I'm gonna ruin everyone for you. Make you so desperate for me and that my cock is the only one you want," he hissed, pushing forward just enough for the tip to slide in.

You let out a whimper. "S-soob. It's s-so big," you moaned as he slowly slid in, inch by inch, stopping to allow your body to adjust to him. He knew it would take a bit to get his entire length inside you but it felt like time had stopped for the two of you and you had all the time in the world now.

"You okay, angel?" Soobin asked softly, thumbs caressing your hips as he held you in place. You nodded as you relaxed. "It doesn't hurt now, it's more of an ache now," you answered. Soobin slid further in, groaning as your walls squeezed him as he entered you.

"Almost there," Soobin said softly as he continued to move, keeping his eyes on your face to watch for any sign of pain or discomfort but saw nothing but pleasure. He finally stopped, buried inside your tight cunt. "Fuuuuuck," he groaned. "You feel so good, baby."

You whimpered as your body adjusted to the sheer size of his cock. You'd never taken one so large before. "F-feels so good," you moaned, your voice thick as your body relaxed. Soobin pressed a kiss to your forehead. "You're doing so good. Taking my cock so well," he said sweetly. "I'm gonna move, okay? Just relax for me."

A loud moan left your lips as Soobin pulled back and thrust into you slowly. He had to hold back the primal urge to ravish you that surged through his body at seeing you bare under him, taking everything he gave you.

He didn't want to hurt you. You were far too precious and important to him.

His slow back and forth movements progressed into a steady pace, thrust into you, filling you with each stroke. "God Soobin, it's so f-fucking big!" You whimpered, eyes burning with unshed tears.

"God I love you so much," Soobin murmured, lips pressing against your forehead. Your heartbeat a little faster at his admission. "You love me?" you asked softly, drawing his attention. Soobin nodded, not ashamed of his words. "I do, baby. Fuck, I love you so much."

You let out a small sob. Soobin's eyes widened. "Oh no, baby, did I hurt you?" He asked. "I'm so sorry!" You shook your head. "No, I'm okay. I just- I love you too," you admitted. "So so much, Soobin."

Soobin captured your lips in a passionate kiss. "You really mean that?" he asked softly, smiling when you nodded. "I love you so much Soobin. I wish I had told you sooner," you said sniffling.

Seeing you so emotional, Soobin cupped your cheek, his thumb caressing the skin. "It's okay, baby," he whispered. "I know. It feels so good. I'm not hurting you am I?" he asked, smiling when you shook your head. "Doesn't hurt. Feels so good. So full."

"You gonna be a good girl and take it all?" Soobin asked, wiping the only tear that managed to escape. You nodded. "Yes, yes Binnie." You let out a cry as his pace quickened, snapping his hips against yours, his thighs hitting your ass as he thrust into you.

"God you look so good under me like this," Soobin groaned, eyes fluttering shut as he lost himself in the feeling of your walls around his cock. "I want to remember this forever. How you look, how your tight little cunt feels around me. I don't want this to end."

With each thrust, moans fell from your lips, your second orgasm approaching as Soobin pounded into you. "Look at you," he cooed. "Can't even talk, can you? Does my cock feel so good you can't even talk?" He asked, voice trembling as his hips faltered for a moment. He was getting close.

"Fuck, I'm close," he cursed. "You gonna cum with me? Gonna cum on my cock, baby?" You nodded vigorously, unable to speak. "If you cum first, you gonna let me use this hole to get myself off? Like a sweet little slut. Are you my cute little slut?"

Your cheeks burn at his words, not expecting such dirty words to come from your best friend. "So tight and wet," he groaned, the wet sounds of his cock pounding into you filling the room overshadowed only by the sound of his skin hitting yours.

"All mine," he moaned. "You're all mine. Only I get to fuck you and see you like this, right, baby?" You nodded again as your orgasm started to roll over you in waves, your body shaking as you moaned out his name, thighs tightening. "Oh fuck baby," Soobin grunted, his hands moving to your thighs and pushing them down as he angled his thrusts down, hitting a different spot and making you see stars.

"Ugh, I wish I didn't wear a condom. I wanna fill your pussy so fucking bad. Cum inside you and fill you until it spills out onto your sheets. I wanna ruin you," Soobin growled, his movements becoming more erratic as his own orgasm hit him.

He continued to thrust into you, riding out both your highs until he shuddered, the sensitivity taking over and he pulled out of you, falling onto his side next to you.

"Soobin?" you whispered, turning your head to look at him. He opened his eyes sleepily. "Hey," he said with a grin. "Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, propping himself up on his elbow. You nodded with a smile. "I'm okay," you said, brushing your fingers over his arm. He relaxed, falling back onto the bed.

"'M so tired," he mumbled as you pulled the blankets back and slid under them. "Get under here, " you whined. Soobin sat up quickly and pulled the used condom off, tying it and tossing it into the wastebin beside your bed. "Where did you go?" he asked turning around to find you.

"Under here, you idiot," you mumbled, pulling the blanket down to show him your face. He crawled under the blankets, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. "You're sweaty," you whined. "Only cause I'm naked," he protested.

"No, you're sweaty cause we just had sex," you retorted.

"Well, yeah. That too."

[histronic-gizmo]

I made this post a while ago, but I changed my mind about creating reviews for all the episodes. This one is completed so thought I'd share it

S1E1 - Pilot

Got all set up for a marathon tonight! Small bowl of takis, a coke, a caprisun, and lights dimmed. Let's fucking go!

I'm gonna do this by reviewing directly after the pre credit scene then do the rest of my thoughts on the episode afterwards.

OKAY, so, the pilot's opening!! I love this scene. I still remember the first time I watched this episode, it was the first thing I ever saw of Rick and Morty. That's a wild ass introduction to a show lmao. The first thing you hear is *RAPIDLY APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS* and then a drunk old man drags a teen boy out of his bed and into a ship made of garbage, I can't-

The way Morty kicks Rick in the face is so funny too. And Rick just straight up lying and passing out after he grabs his flask? 10/10. My jaw was on the floor the first time I watched it. I had to pause it on the opening titles and lay down and ask myself what I was getting myself into lolol

"Or you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick", IT SOUNDS SEXUAL, WHEN I FIRST HEARD THAT I WAS LIKE "AS IN SLEEPING WITH HIM ALL NIGHT???"

And Rick's quote about sleeping and school? Definitely relate. Not in highschool anymore but it was only 2 years ago and it haunts my nightmares fr plus college is hard af

"Dammit!" "JERRY" "Beth D:" instantly knew their dynamic with three words

Love the immediate introduction to Rick's cynicism with his "There is no god" comment, this ep really set it all down. Which makes sense, it's what pilots do lol

Morty's "rename them...?" comment is underrated by the way, gets me everytime

Also, the amount of trauma Frank Palicky smashing to pieces must've caused Summer :skull:

I love the type of humor thats the scene with Morty and Frank. It's a bit cheesy and some media overuses it, but I fucking love it!

Poor Morty, always getting manhandled by his grandfather. I'm sure he likes it though :smirk:

My heart flutters when Rick saves Morty from, you know, almost getting stabbed. He acts like he did nothing, but I'm sure deep down he got pissed, why else would he just leave the guy frozen? He was maaaaad!!

He totally bumped into Frank on purpose. Look at him, already being possessive over his 14 year old grandson. GRRRR unstable old men, I love them

Here comes my favorite quote from the entire show:

"Oh man, Rick, I'm looking around and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing."

LITERALLY ME ON A DAILY BASIS, ITS CONCERNING

And Rick saying that the way you handle new situations is to charge into them like a bull? Manic episode me fr, also just me generally being reckless

*shoves morty into the danger*

I adore Rick's mad scientist vibes in this early season 1!! Makes me pleased, I love mad scientist and jaded genius Rick equally fr

I wonder a lot about Rick going into a "future dimension". He said he was there for a while, when he was there for 30 seconds on the screen. Does time move faster in there or something? Cause otherwise, wouldn't he have come back instantly? Hmmm

POV: ur grandfather asked you to put too large seed up your ass for him

The 'airport' scene is AMAZING ofc, we get out very first "Don't think about it!" in the series >:]

Morty getting traumatized everyday :skull:

Now come on Morty, we have to get those seed out of your ass >:[

Rick is forever albert ein-douche to me, Jerry is an amazing angry father / improviser. I'd kiss him. Wait, am I attracted to Jerry? I think I'm just attracted to all the main characters in this show :skull:

Overall rating:

9/10

I rate it only 9 because I've watched it too many times to introduce it to my friends so it's hard for me to watch cus I overused it :pensive:

[aamethyst000]

What fckn even? (june 1, 24 - 5:12pm)

Duude. a lot has happend in a short amount of time. first off, Happy Pride Month! second, my childhood friend just moved back home like not even 4-5 months ago and we hung out like once with a group, and once alone. and in that time, i noticed he was odd and i had a little feeling it might have been about me. so ive been making it known that i am, in fact, gay af but that didnt seem to stick because (and i hesitate to even type this out) he still confessed to me. like??? to be fair, we dated once when we were teenagers and that was when i was still straight and cis. This is different now, i'm different now, and i know for damn sure that he is too. i even mentioned to him about my progress to legally change my name and gender. he said it was fine and that doesn't change anything but like, it DOES!!! i told him that if he still feels the same way, then maybe, you're POSSIBLY not as straight you may be? i mentioned that i did not want to force that onto him. cause if he never thought about it before or even looked at others that way, i dont think he has feelings for ME, as he says, he might still see the old me. which kinda bugs me, just a little bit though. This is what i was worried about too. if my attention on him was genuine, just from old habits as teenagers or i do have genuine feeling for him. i was trrying to figure it out when he moved back to his ex girlfriend. clearly, i didnt have it all figured out before he moved back home. i kept imagining myself dating him. the holding hands (this gave me the ick butterflies and a ick after taste in my mouth) kissing him and all thst shtick. i kept getting uncomfortable and it keeps reminding of my relationship of my last ex boyfriend. i didnt like it at all, so i am sure that is my answer to myself and him. i consider him my friend and goddammit i want to keep him around as a friend. i even said to myself, if it happens in the near future, it happens, but other than whats going on now, i dont see him in the same way. i may have to tell him as such too. i dont like it. it makes me nervous that i may lose him like that. which is kind of stupid if i do. i know thats how most of the men here are, im also aware that not all of them are like that. its just difficult to diffrentiate when most of them act aggressivly. anyway, i do not want to keep him waiting any longer than it needs to be. i told him it may take a couple of week because i have a hard time determinatiing my emotions properly. i have to know if its a trauma response or a genuine repsonse. it tends to be hard to tell.

12:23am - i even distract myself from thinking about it too much. i'm trying to get out of my head that if and when i do reject him, i'm not missing out on anything (no offense to him) it's just fears and the ugly voices in my head making me think i'll be alone for the rest of my life. like, so? i can adopt 2 cats, MAYBE a dog (a smol one) and keep up with my hobbies. there is nothing wrong with being alone, however, i am allowed to feel lonely. i keep trying to remind myself of that. i'm doing a lot of thinking with this one and i keep on coming to the same solution. i'm not interested in him, romantically. i just want him as a friend. Poor guy even remember the night we all gathered together for our "reunion class" we all got very fricken drunk and got stupid. i remember parts of it, up until we all head to my best friend's house to chill a bit. i feel so bad about that. it was the one time i let myself go too. not like we didnt do much, just hold hands and sat close. we didnt even kiss. HE EVEN APOLOGISED. i just hate rejecting people in general. not to mention hurting a persons feelers (i know, i am aggressively working on that issue, that kind of thinking go tme into trouble a lot). This whole situation got me so nervous, but im not going to change who i am as a person. i know for a fact that my personal issues and truamas are for me n my therapist to deal with. not for a relationship to magically fix. i dont even know if i am truely interested in being a relationship. i dont seem to miss it. sure, i may complain about it and say i want a girlfriend but the last time i did have a girlfriend, i ended up screwing that up by ghosting her. i know, dick move and so not cool. this was back in 2020 by the way but i still think about it. thinking about actually opening up and letting them see me for who i am makes me nervous as hell. not to mention the thought of sex makes me even more nervous. almost avoidant. its a lot to think about but i avoid thinking about it like the plaque. i just go day by day thinking about something else that is able to distract me. like leagally changing my name and gender. how much money i am saving and what not. anything to not think about me in relationships. just fckn nope. why the fuck is being an adult so goddamn difficult? lmao i hate it and i want to be 7 again, but at the same time, i so do not want to go back, my exsistential crisis was too much for lil me to handle at the time. i remember vividly how much that freaked me out! anyway, i get the feeling that tonight will be a long ass night again, i probably wont go to bed until 4-5am. and i keep on forgetting to take my damn medications too. no matter how much i try (ugh. i felt a sicking feeling in my belly when i wrote that), i have a reminder alert on my calandar, i tried to make it a habit to write it in my journal, and type it out here, but in my personal notes and i still dont take it on time or i miss nearly a week to a few days. its annoying, even for me.

june 28,24 4:31pm - this is me second time trying to fucking type this out. i am planning on tellling him that i do not have any romantic feelings for him. that i do not want to go out with him. not that there is anything wroong with him or me, i just dont want to be in a relationship with him because i am nervous that we both would be falling back to our old habits from our highschool years. im also even more nervous that he may not see me as who i really am, just as much im not seeing with the new and current him.. i dont like it at all. i even told him that i am getting top sugery and getting my name and sex change. he said it didnt matter, but it matters to me! im gay and very much iffy about men (personal trauma from a relaationship and father figure) and that is what i am going to tell him. not gonna lie though, im nercous to lose him as a friend. i just got him back this year, and it is fun to hang out with him. but if it happens, it happens i guess. this is the people pleasing issue that i am going through right now, as a teenager, i would have thought about it for a week then tell them that i have romantic feeling for them and then go out with them. those moments resulted from a game called "truth or dare" from my classmates. they really liked to use it as a dating game. A LOT. it actually got very annoying after a couple of months. it was awful in some months and others were just downright harrasing. anyway, i went on a tangent there, im just trying to get out of that people pleasing bs. old habits really die hard. i hope this goes well for the both of us, i wish the best for him and his children.have a good night/day, readers!~

[twinstarlovers]

Hm… I should be gone for a few days or maybe not at all. I’m going through a depressive episode ✌🏼. Either the sleeping thing caused it or it was the start of it. This depressive episode ain’t it fr. Got me triggered for nun like I’m mad I’m a girl like I was crying cus I hate being a woman w all my heart even tho that’s my ego speaking but still. I’m hopeless af too. I haven’t thought about a lot of the things I’ve been thinking about in a minute. I feel lonely af. I have no soulmates & I get lonely when I have no soulmates. I have ‘friends’ or people I talk to but they aren’t soulmates so I feel really distant from them like there’s no connection whatsoever. I hate that when I do drugs, the universe makes it into some lesson or idk like I was drunk a couple of days ago & I was looking at women & sexualizing them cus you do that & made me hate being a woman even more. Must be nice to be you lol. There’s no reason I can’t enjoy being high or drunk. Really ain’t no reason I can’t have a life or friends lol. The universe be crazy. You know what’s annoying… the moon is in Pisces so that’s just amazing. You know it be interesting tho how I be swearing this depressive episode gonna last when it really doesn’t but still. I feel hopeless af like I don’t have hope on going to the concerts I wanna go to like m83 & Maná & shit like I wanna throw all of that away. I actually wonder what triggered this. I think waking up disoriented af is part of it but idk. I’ve been isolating lately tho lowkey. I forgot why. Oh right, it’s cus my friend got mad at me like she got triggered. Let me tell you the story. So I was drunk & I called her & I speak out my ass when I’m drunk & she has a twin & they ain’t talking rn & I was like I like him & shit like that but not LIKE HIM like I like him for her like as a guy like I miss him/them & I guess she has trauma w sneaky weird friends so me saying I like him & shit triggered her thinking I was tryna be w him or sum. I never had issues w my friends being like that + I feel like we are good friends to know that I would not mean it like that. So anyways yeah she got mad. I remember I was drunk & she said “okay Cassie” LMFAO but nah lol. I was hurt cus she thought I would really do her like that. So that day I put my phone on dnd & haven’t took it off since. I got over it but if my phone is on dnd, it’s sum else that’s making me idk. I think that was the trigger tho. I don’t like my friends thinking im capable of shit or suspicious of me because then that breaks trust cus now I can’t trust to be authentic w you if you don’t even trust me to be. I hate friendships, like actually. Friendships that aren’t soulmate connections literally be beating my ass on the low cus it’s like settling for less & I hate settling for less because I truly don’t give af but the universe be like settle for less like what. I’d have to settle for less or else I’d have no friends. I can’t laugh or find joy in friendships that aren’t soulmates. I literally can’t. I feel like I can’t be present. I can’t listen to what you are venting to me about because we don’t connect like that but I gotta pretend to listen ofc. I’d like to be alone w money & I think I’d be fine. It’s giving earth moon LMFAO. But hmmmm don’t mind me talking. I have no spam remember. I hope I get it back. I think it will take a month idk. Anyways yeah I’m in a depressive episode. I’m gonna say fuck the concert tickets for good for rn. I’m more hopeless about going because they gonna sell out soon if they aren’t already & I know if I eventually feel hopeful again, they gonna be sold out so. & no I don’t think I’m gonna start smoking again actually. But hmmm I think I turn very affectionate w women when I’m drunk cus I lack that shit & lack fulfilling friendships. But anyways I’m actually so embarrassing when I’m not sober like if I get high w someone, they always more put together then me like I can’t walk or talk like no bruh that’s embarrassing. Also when I’m drunk, IM ALWAYS THE DRUNKEST. It’s so fucking embarrassing

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

heated, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: An (innocent?) conversation about D/s dynamics accidentally leads to you confessing that you think about your childhood best friend while getting off. To your childhood best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Erm. This is after he told you that you would be “an awful sub”, btw.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, discussions about adult topics; reader is bisexual; smut (fem reader, dry humping, fingering, [tiny bit] m-receiving oral, penetrative sex); fluffy af; non-idol!AU; F2L; softdom!Jungkook x softbrat!reader; you kind of have a forearm kink and you never let Jungkook have his lovey-dovey moment, whoops

MMA 2020 ‘ON’ Jungkook? Yeah. That one.

--

“I could never be a sub.”

You clicked rapidly as you spoke, mashing the right button on your mouse. It was quite loud, paired with your mechanical keyboard.

“Why not?”

The music coming from Jeon Jungkook’s smartphone was a rhythm game, nearly as loud as you, since he was grunting angrily at it. It was very obvious when he missed a beat.

“I can’t imagine that being me, you know?”

You, on the other hand, were on your computer, playing with the new items in League of Legends from the latest patch. Using the practice tool, you had loaded up your favorite champion, Jhin, the Virtuoso, and messed with various builds, trying to find the best combination. So far, Lethality was feeling pretty good.

“Like why would I ever let my pleasure be handled by someone else?” you mused, reading the high damage numbers of each shot. Oh, the fourth shot felt nice. “That sounds stupid.”

Jungkook rolled over on your bed, growling in his throat as the level ended. He restarted it, trying to get a better score. “Maybe people like to let go sometimes. You know, not always be in control.”

You snorted. “I could never trust someone else with my body.”

“You got an alien body or something?”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.”

“Fine.”

“Anyway,” Jungkook continued, ignoring your outburst. “I didn’t ask if you could be a sub, I just asked what you thought of domination and submission as a dynamic in general.”

You shrugged, trying to see if you could do Baron alone. Welp, you needed lifesteal, of course. “I mean, I’ve tried it in various situations. I was never the sub.”

“Kinky.”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.” Jungkook suddenly sat up, excited that he achieved a higher score. “Look, look. I got ninety-eight.”

You craned your head to look at his phone screen. “Why isn’t it one hundred? You’re a disgrace to this family.”

He bopped you on the nose with his phone. “If I was part of your family, your family would be even more dysfunctional than it is now.”

You rubbed your nose and looked up at him. “How much gel did you use in your hair? You look like a wet dog.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows went up and he touched his long black hair. “It’s not crunchy though.” He grabbed your hand and lowered his head, placing your palm on his slicked back hair. “See?”

You pulled your hand back, staring at your palm. “Still feels weird though. I call sorcery.”

He shrugged, creaking the black leather jacket he was wearing. He wore a black t-shirt under it. The black jeans he had been wearing were on your bed, swapped for the black joggers he kept at your place. You weren’t really sure why he left the jacket on. Maybe he was cold or something. It was pretty cold in your apartment. You were wearing fleece green pajamas with Pikachu all over them.

“You want me to turn the heat up?” you said, gesturing to his jacket.

Jungkook looked down at his chest. “Eh. It’s fine. Saves you money.”

You shrugged, getting up from your chair, leaving the League client open. “You’re only staying a little while, right? Party to go to and all that?”

Jungkook followed you as you left your room. “Told you it was cancelled, so I was just going to sleep over. No reason to go back home.”

You turned around, walking backwards. “When did you say it was cancelled?”

Jungkook raised his dark eyebrows. “Literally when I walked in your apartment.”

“Hah.”

You turned back around and went to your fridge, grabbing an aloe juice. Jungkook went to your water kettle, hunting for hot chocolate among your tea packets.

“You’d make an awful sub anyway,” Jungkook said, returning to the original subject as he filled the kettle with water from your filtered sink faucet. “Like, probably the fucking worst.”

You took a large swig and glared at him. “Alright, first of all, you wouldn’t even–”

“You’re terrible with authority.”

You paused. “Okay, true.”

“You’re angry, twenty-four, seven.”

You walked up to him and slapped him in his very hard pecs. He gestured at his chest, as if to indicate, exhibit A.

“And you’re super uptight.”

“I am not uptight.”

“Control freak.”

“That’s–”

Jungkook turned around and placed the kettle on its stand. You swooped in with a Pikachu-themed kitchen towel and wiped the excess water away, scowling. Jungkook raised his eyebrows at you, brown eyes laughing.

“That’s literally a safety hazard!” you exclaimed, waving the towel at him.

Jungkook rolled his eyes and pressed the button to start heating the water. “Haven’t you ever just… not freaked out over every little thing? Done something spontaneous and stupid?”

You placed the kitchen towel back in its proper place. “No, because that would be spontaneous and stupid, Jeon Jungkook.”

He leaned against the counter, watching you perfectly fold the towel into three parts and hang it on the rail. He scratched his nose, shaking his head. “You should be more like me.”

“Having the police called on you because you were standing on a lawn chair tooting a party horn at four in the morning?”

“That was one time! Stop bringing it up,” Jungkook groaned.

You raised your hands in innocence. “Well, I was the one called to pick you up because you literally couldn’t remember any other number and I was very disturbed on New Year’s Eve, where I should have been peacefully sleeping and not hauling your drunk ass across town.”

Jungkook sighed exaggeratedly. “I’m sorry, okay? I won’t drink that much again. Jimin made me do shots–”

“You always blame Park Jimin,” you interjected, smiling. “Jimin’s the kind of guy who only wears clothes to take them off.”

“Well, it gets him laid, so I guess it’s working.”

The kettle whistled noisily, cutting through the conversation. You took a sip from your aloe juice as Jungkook grabbed a mug from your cupboard and poured the hot chocolate powder into it.

“You want some milk?”

He looked up. “You have milk?”

You went to the fridge and took out a small carton. “Because you said you were coming.”

“Aw, what a sweetie.”

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No.”

That’s how it was with you two. Growing up together was the same conversation over and over of you constantly saying shut up and Jungkook always replying with no. If both your dads hadn’t been such good friends, you probably wouldn’t have been able to tolerate him. Since they were, you were forced to, which turned out to be okay, since it turned out you had similar interests in games and such. It drifted apart a bit when you two entered high school, but you two reconnected once university started.

The dysfunctionality Jungkook was referring to was your two older sisters, who both got pregnant out of wedlock and thus caused a lot of tension between them, your parents, and you, the one who hadn’t actually done that yet. And you were trying to keep it that way.

Jungkook poured half-water and half-milk, stirring it with a silver spoon he found in your drawer. You lived alone, having gotten a full scholarship to be able to pay for tuition, meals, and part of a small apartment. Your parents paid for the rest – another point of strain between you and your sisters. That’s why you kept your grades up and rarely went out.

“When was the last time you fucked a guy?”

You sucked the inside of your cheek. “Dunno. Maybe two years ago.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows and took a long sip. “So, only girls, huh?”

You tilted your head and sighed. “They don’t get you pregnant.”

“Neither does a condom.”

“That’s a ninety-eight percent chance, not one hundred.”

He licked the excess off his pink lips. He looked like he wanted to say something, but reconsidered, taking another sip before replying. “You don’t miss dick?”

“I mean, a dildo is a dick.”

Jungkook nearly spat out his hot chocolate. You snatched your Pikachu towel again and threatened him with it. He raised a hand, coughing.

“A dildo is not a dick,” he hacked out. “You insult me.”

“Hmph.” You turned back around and placed the Pikachu towel back in its place, making sure the graphic was perfectly centered.

“You tell your parents?”

You narrowed your eyes. ‘Why the fuck would I tell my parents that I fuck girls instead of guys to avoid getting pregnant?”

He shrugged. “Give them peace of mind?”

“You think too highly of the generation before us.”

Jungkook gave you a weird look. “So… you’re just using them?”

“No.” You paused. “Okay, maybe a little, but it’s not because they’re girls. I guess I haven’t found someone who understands me yet.”

He took a long, noisy sip of hot chocolate. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“No one can understand you if you only fuck once and drop them.”

“Wouldn’t you fucking know,” you replied irritably.

“Now, I fuck multiple times before I realize it’s not going to work out,” Jungkook countered.

You shoved your bottle of aloe juice back into your fridge. Suddenly, you weren’t thirsty anymore.

“Is that the only reason?”

You closed the fridge door.

“Reason for what?”

“Is fear of pregnancy the only reason you fuck girls?”

“I don’t know!” you shouted, throwing your hands up. You spun around, blowing hot air. “I don’t fucking know why I do it, Jungkook. I don’t know why I load up dating apps to only hook up with girls, I don’t know why I don’t try to get into relationships with them, I don’t know what is wrong with me and why I can’t give anyone a chance and I don’t know why you pop up in my head every time I try to fucking masturbate! It is annoying and I do not like it, so I try to get off with someone else!”

Your chest was heaving with exertion and annoyance, hand curled onto a fist and planted on your kitchen counter, glaring at the space past Jungkook’s head, muscle twitching in your cheek. Your heart was beating so fast it didn’t feel real.

Silence.

“Fuck you, Jungkook.”

And then you turned around, stalking back to your bedroom.

Or would have, if you didn’t hear the clink of the mug touching the kitchen counter and Jungkook grabbing your upper arm, yanking you back, slamming you against his muscular body. You hissed, staring into his chest.

“Let me go.”

“Hold on a second.” You watched Jungkook take a deep breath, his toned, tan skin rising and falling. The silver necklace on his collarbones flashed as he breathed. “Just hold on a damn second.”

Your eyes were on the low neckline of his black shirt. It felt weird being close to him. Not that you two haven’t been physically close, because you had. But it had never been like this. Since you realized he wouldn’t leave your mind every time you tried to masturbate. Since you started looking to other people to push him out. Since you were sure that it was not just a passing thought, not just your brain playing tricks on you. And being this close to him now, you understood.

And it scared you.

“You cannot dump all that on me and expect me not to react,” Jungkook said quietly.

“Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No,” he snapped. He grabbed both your upper arms and shook you violently, making you jerk your head up to blink at him. Jungkook furrowed his brows, his dark eyes glaring at you, jaw clenched tightly. “I will not shut up. Why should I shut up? I should shut you up.”

And then he kissed you.

Your eyes widened. Jungkook’s pink lips were on you. You. On your lips, pressed firmly against them, gripping you so tight you were losing feeling in your arms. You tore back, stumbling, touching your lips, shoulders shaking, not sure why your heart was beating out of your chest, not sure why your lips tingled and wanted more, not sure why Jungkook slowly opening his eyes and flickering to you made your knees knock together uncomfortably.

“What are you doing?” you sputtered. “You don’t even… what…?”

“I’m kissing you,” he growled, walking up to you and pinning you against the counter. “I’m fucking kissing you because you want me to.”

“I don’t…”

“Just shut up, please.”

And then Jungkook kissed you again, harder this time, pressing you against the kitchen counter, hands coming up and taking you by the waist, pulling you to him and his leather jacket, him and his black shirt, breathing your name into your lips, your hands grabbing his t-shirt and yanking him to you, gasping into his mouth. And you wanted to say, no, no, you weren’t supposed to know, but it was too late because you were shoving his leather jacket off, grasping his shoulders, fingers pressing into his hard muscles, sliding down his biceps.

You yanked your head back and his hand came up to grab it back, kissing you more, more, tongue licking your lips, hissing your name, grinding his hips against yours. Your hand came up in between you two, stopping him, stopping him and his insatiable lips.

“You have to s-say–” You moaned, feeling him harden against your fleece pajamas. “You have to say it.”

“Say what?” Jungkook muttered impatiently, kissing your hand, speaking into your palm.

“Say you’re okay with it,” you gritted out as he rolled his crotch into yours.

“Obviously I’m okay with it,” he grumbled. “Why else am I humping you in your kitchen?”

“You said I’m a c-control freak,” you groaned, throwing your head back as Jungkook slid his hands down to your ass and squeezed it, grinding against you.

“You are,” he grunted. “You can’t let go, you can’t enjoy yourself, you can’t even tell me you like me so I can fucking fuck you already, instead of me cancelling my parties so I can spend time laying on your bed and staring at you playing video games wondering when you’re going to fucking notice that I want to bang you.”

“What?” you replied breathlessly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You’re so busy controlling your own life that you don’t even notice the people around you anymore.”

“What?” you repeated again as Jungkook hoisted you up by your ass and began to walk, forcing you to grab him by the shoulders and stare down his right arm, the fully tattooed one with flowers and script and the tiny circle with angry slits for eyes and a frown on the inside of his elbow, the one Jungkook said was for you and you had slapped him in the chest and told him to shut up.

“Let me take over for once,” he mumbled, placing his chin on your shoulder and nudging you with his head and his non-crispy but still not quite soft dark hair.

“You said I would be an awful sub.”

Jungkook dumped you on the bed, shooing you upwards. You didn’t move, frowning at him. He sighed dramatically.

“You would. You are,” he corrected, planting a hand on your chest and pushing you down, bouncing you against your Pikachu bedsheets. He sandwiched your arms at your sides and straddled your torso. The bed bowed far too low and you almost slid off. Hurriedly, you scooted upwards and Jungkook followed, unbothered.

“You said I’m terrible with authority.”

Jungkook wrestled your arms back down and pinned them with his strong thighs. “You are.”

“You said I’m angry, twenty-four, seven.”

He cocked his head, slowly unbuttoning your pajama shirt. “Still true.”

“And you said I’m uptight,” you added ruefully, pouting.

Jungkook shrugged, reaching in between his legs to unbutton he last few ones. “I’ll fuck it out of you.”

“Jungkook!”

“What?”

He paused, towering above you, eyebrow raised. His black hair curled around his ears, against his silver hoops and base of his neck. His dark eyes pierced down at you, tiny mole under his lips clearly visible from this position. You could see the bottom of his sharp chin, the black t-shirt clinging to his chest, the shape of his tan arms, one tattooed, one not, from below.

“Y-you’re pinching my right arm…”

Jungkook looked down, moving his left leg. “Sorry.”

You winced, pulling out your left arm to rub the other. He tapped your forearm impatiently with his finger.

“You’re ruining the moment,” he scolded.

“You ruined it by bruising me,” you shot back, backing up to your pillows on your elbows, grimacing as you soothed your arm.

“I’m going to bruise you more if you keep being a little brat,” Jungkook growled, following you on hands and knees, the neckline of his t-shirt hanging down, revealing way too much of his skin. Your eyes widened and you slipped, a white plush Poro bonking you in the head. He grabbed it and tossed it aside, the poor guy rolling on the floor.

“That’s very rude,” you muttered, but he was over your body now, breathing hard, staring down your now open shirt and the curve of your breasts into your black bra.

“Why do you get hotter every year?”

You raised an eyebrow. “I… don’t?”

Jungkook shoved the sides of your pajama shirt apart impatiently, reaching under your back and pinching the bra clasp, undoing it with one hand.

“Yes, you do,” he exhaled hotly. “Every year you get prettier and prettier and it pisses me off so much that I have to work out to look half as good as you.”

You felt your ears and cheeks get hot. “Well… you do look very, erm, good.”

“You’re very convincing,” Jungkook chuckled darkly, pushing your bra up and sucking in his lower lip as he revealed your hard, quivering nipples.

Your eyes shifted away from his hungry eyes. “I, uh… am very wet.”

A single, perfectly shaped eyebrow ticked. “Show me.”

“Um…”

He lifted himself off you, pointing down.

“Show me,” Jungkook commanded.

You tried to move your arms and found them tangled in your clothes. You frowned and shrugged out of your pajama shirt, chucking it and your bra aside, before gripping the waistband of your green fleece pants. You hesitated and looked back at Jungkook, who just flapped his hand downwards, giving you a neutral expression.

You puffed your cheeks and raised your hips, yanking your pants and panties down your thighs. You had to bend your legs a bit to fully take them off since Jungkook’s knees were on the outside of your thighs.

Now you were fully naked in front of your childhood best friend. And he was still fully clothed.

“Er, aren’t you going to–”

Jungkook cut you off. “You still haven’t shown me.”

You blinked at him. “What do you want me to do, become a fucking pretzel?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Any way you can prove to me you’re wet.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Fucking…” You bent your right leg and slid it up between his thighs, brushing against his sweatpants and feeling his hard-on for a hot second before you jammed your leg into your chest and lifted it out, pressing your thigh against your torso and raising your calf into the air. You turned your head to the left, letting out an exasperated huff.

“There. You see it?”

Shit, this position was embarrassing for some reason. You could feel cold air on your dripping pussy. Maybe he couldn’t see or something. You lifted your right arm to wrap around your thigh, pressing it down against your breasts since Jungkook wasn’t saying anything.

“That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jungkook breathed.

“Okay, going to put my leg do–”

You gasped, suddenly feeling Jungkook’s fingertips touch your heated core, smearing your juices around the lips, his hot breath against your ear as he touched you. You shuddered as he stroked your folds, your name on his lips, his lips kissing your ear.

“Had to touch you,” he whispered against your neck, tone desperate. “I’m sorry, I just had to touch that beautiful pussy, all wet and slopping for me.”

Your eyelids fluttered as his middle finger found your clit, pressing on it. “J-Jungkook… That’s my…”

He chuckled deep in his throat. “Yeah? That’s your what?”

Slow, lazy circles, pushing it around, moan leaving your lips. “My c-clit…”

“Want me to touch it?” Jungkook purred. “Want me to handle your pleasure?”

But he as already touching it, nursing the sensitive bundle of nerves and rousing your lust, igniting it and setting it on fire.

“Y-yes…”

He kissed down your neck, whispering softly, licking your collarbones. “You trust me? You trust me with this pretty, perfect, hot, sexy, fuckable body?”

You arched your neck, giving him more access as he ran his pink lips all over, rubbing your clit, mouth on your throat. Your whole body shook, hips rolling into his finger.

“Y-yes…”

His breath so electrifying that you could barely focus, barely speak as Jungkook’s other hand came up behind your head, long fingers burying into your hair, holding tight, so tight it almost hurt, teeth nipping at your skin.

“Want to mark you,” he mumbled. “Want to give you a big fat hickey you can’t explain, want to bruise you so bad you’ll be staring at it for weeks, thinking about my lips on you, remembering my teeth gave you that.”

He pressed another finger to your clit, increasing the pace, and all you could do was hiss out a yes, a burning yes, a pleading yes, please, Jungkook, whining as his teeth sank into the spot where your shoulder and neck connected, sucking hard, his tongue licking away the prickling pain. His hips rolled into your thigh, his hard cock pressing against you, straining against his pants.

Jungkook moaned into your skin, so hot, so intense, rubbing your aching clit faster, harder, more urgently. Sucking and humping your leg as the feeling of his teeth and his fingers overwhelmed you, one hand clutching his shirt and one hand curled into your sheets as your thighs shook, trying to close but unable to because Jungkook was so strong, so there, so overpowering that you could only lay there and take it, take it as his name poured out of you in a breathless wail, throwing your head back as you felt your pussy clench around nothing, your juices becoming slicker, thicker, the scent of your orgasm staining the air.

He shoved the two fingers inside you and unlatched his mouth, moaning with you as he felt you squeeze his fingers, pumping you in long, slow strokes, all the way to his knuckles. You whimpered, tightening your core and Jungkook moaned again, eyes closed, his hair in disarray as you fucked his hand, clamping your hands on his right forearm, gasping at the feel of his muscle. Pussy throbbing around his fingers, hips meeting his knuckles over and over.

His eyes opened, watching your fuck yourself with his hand, an almost bored expression on his features, but you didn’t care because you felt him flex his fingers and his arm, telling you to continue, telling you he liked it.

“I thought you were going to let me do it.” Jungkook’s voice was low, trying to stay even despite his shallow breathing. “Have to control everything, don’t you?”

You caught your lower lip in your teeth, eyes moving to his face, his handsome, angular face with his black hair curled around his forehead and his cocked eyebrow, smirk on his lips.

“I’m not in control,” you panted. “Your forearm is…”

Jungkook flexed it under your hand and you moaned pathetically, breath hitching.

His smirk grew wider.

“It’s getting you off touching it.”

You swallowed, close, so close and Jungkook was taunting you and for some reason you couldn’t tell him to shut up, because he kept tensing his arm and it was so fucking hot that you really were going to orgasm.

“Say it,” he purred, breathing your name. “Tell me you like my forearm.”

Your eyes shifted down to his arm in your hands, the tiny angry face tattoo in his inner elbow frowning at you.

“I fucking love it, Jungkook,” you gasped. “Fuck, I love your delicious, sexy-as-fuck forearms.”

He grinned and began to thrust his fingers into you, fast, so fast you couldn’t even fathom how he could be that fast like a fucking vibrator, sending torrents of pleasure through you and his arm was so hard and his skin so soft that your eyes rolled back into your head, moaning his name far too loud. Jungkook placed a hand over your mouth and you screamed into it, liquid gushing down your thighs, but he didn’t stop, he kept going until you felt it again, pussy throbbing, back-to-back, eyelids fluttering, nails digging into his arm as the crescendo slammed into you, taking your breath and senses away, lost only in the feeling of Jungkook’s secure presence above you.

He slowed, breathing hard. Gently, carefully pulling his fingers out of your pulsating pussy, gasping as he removed his hand. You vaguely heard Jungkook place his fingers in his mouth, sighing wantonly at your taste.

“You taste so good,” he whispered around his fingers. “Fuck, so sweet and thick and delicious.”

Your brain could not compute what the fuck was happening. Did Jungkook just give you three mind-blowing orgasms in a row after you exploded at him and admitted to thinking about him while masturbating?

Holy shit.

He pressed his face into your hair, inhaling your scent.

You swallowed thickly.

“Jungkook, do you, ah… want something too?” you asked quietly.

You heard him snicker. “If I take my clothes off, I’m going to want to put my dick in you.”

“… I’m cool with that.”

“I thought a dildo was the same as a dick?”

You cleared your throat. “Ah… Well, I didn’t think you’d want to put a dick in me.”

Jungkook laughed. “If I had five dicks, I’d put them all in you.”

“Erm… mathematically speaking, that doesn’t really work…”

“Shut up.”

Jungkook sat up, looking down at you with a smile. The same smile he always had, but a little different now, because he didn’t have to hide his attraction to you anymore.

“You really let me put it in you?”

You narrowed your eyes. “With a ninety-eight percent chance, only.”

His smile became mischievous. “That’s not one hundred percent.”

You puffed your cheeks.

“I’ll take the two percent chance for you and only you, Jungkook.”

He grinned and turned around, throwing himself to the end of the bed where his jeans were barely holding on. Fishing through the pockets, retrieving the foil packet from the back pocket. You blinked at him.

“How long has that been–”

Jungkook gave you a silencing look. “I bring a new one every time I come over, in hopes you become drunk enough to sit on my dick.”

You blinked at him. “What.” Not a question, just you stating it.

“Because you’re paranoid.”

You frowned. “I’m not–”

He launched himself over the bed and silenced you with a kiss, deep and longing. You leaned into it, breathing softly, tongue against his, pressing back against him. Jungkook drew back slowly, thumb on your cheek. Eyes looking into yours, careful and tender.

“I don’t want you to worry,” he said against your lips. “I’ll do anything you want. I know it’s not easy for you. I know you’re not ready for the million babies I want from you.”

“I can’t have a million babies. It’s not scientifically possible,” you interjected.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes. “Can you just let me have one romantic moment?”

“Erm, sorry.”

“You want me to have a damn vasectomy or something? Because I’ll fucking do it. That shit’s reversible.”

“No, that kind of requires more time and I’m pretty horny for your dick right now. Condom will do.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “You are a shitty sub.”

“I will do better after I’ve had the dick.”

Jungkook straightened and yanked his black t-shirt over his head. “No, you won’t.”

Your eyes roamed over his toned chest. Damn, he was ripped. Maybe he was insecure about you being hot or something, but you were certainly benefiting. “You never know?”

Jungkook sent you a pained look and pressed a hand to your chest, shoving you back into your bed. “I’ve known you way too long to believe those words coming out of your mouth.”

You were going to reply, but he ran his hand over your chest, inhaling sharply as he brushed against your nipples. He ran his fingers over them, squeezing a little. You whined, trying to get more, but Jungkook pressed his palm down on your breast, breathing hard.

“Listen, woman, I’m about to explode in my damn underwear. Stop sounding so sexy this instant.”

Your eyes found his, pupils blown wide, lips pursed, and jaw tight. Your lips parted a little, tongue peeking out, a soft moan of his name emitting from your throat. You saw a muscle in his eyebrow twitch. He looked like he wanted to throttle you, at least a little bit.

You grinned.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes.

“You are lucky you’re cute,” he muttered. “And lucky I want to be in this pussy more than I want to be alive.”

“Don’t you ne–”

Jungkook planted his hand on your mouth. “The only words I want to hear out of you are, “Fuck me harder” or my own name, you got that?” he snarled, pressing his hand into your face for emphasis.

You nodded quickly.

He sighed, almost in relief, and yanked his pants and underwear down, wincing. There was a large wet spot on his boxer briefs, strings of pre-cum clinging as he pushed it down his muscular thighs.

“You made me a giant mess,” he muttered, eyes flickering up to you. “What do you have to say?”

You blinked at him and gave him a thumbs up.

He grinned. “You do know how to listen.”

In truth, you couldn’t say anything because you were breathlessly staring at Jungkook’s thick cock, red head glistening with pre-cum, dripping everywhere. You slid down quickly, startling him, and wrapped your lips around the head, moaning as his strong taste invaded your mouth. He hissed, gritting his teeth as your tongue swiped around, licking his length all over, feeling the veins and contours, memorizing them.

“F-fuck,” he gasped. “You wanted to clean me up that bad?”

Your eyes traveled up his abs, his pecs, his neck, to his face, giving him your best imploring look. He smirked, placing a hand on your forehead, and gradually, with great effort, pulled out of your tight mouth. Tight because you sucked in your cheeks, not wanting to let him go, but Jungkook was stronger than you. You frowned, but he shooed you away.

“I allowed it this one time. Now back to your spot.”

You backed up, tsking as you watched him roll down the condom, groaning as it covered him.

“I’m actually glad I have this fucking condom,” Jungkook muttered, glaring at you.

You couldn’t say anything, so you spread your legs. His eyes dropped down and he bit his lower lip, crawling to you, grabbing your thighs. Placing himself right in front of your soaked entrance, staring down at your pussy as he guided himself, sinking into you.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut.

You moaned, feeling Jungkook’s cock stretch you out, so different from a silicone dildo or multiple fingers, because it was Jeon Jungkook praying for air as you clenched around his length, his cries of pleasure as he rocked his hips into you. Those long nights with your vibrator and his Instagram open on your phone were incomparable to his cock molding to your walls, his hard hips finally hitting your thighs, all the way in, and it was so good that you throbbed around him, shuddering.

“J-Jungkook…” you pleaded.

“I know,” he panted, hands gripping your knees tight. “I know, but give me a second to appreciate this pussy, holy fuck.”

He jerked his cock inside you and you cried out, definitely crushing your sheets, but Pikachu had seen a lot by now and there was only going to be more.

Jungkook finally began to slide out and push back in, groaning, starting slow and deep because quite frankly he needed to last more than five seconds and your pussy was not letting up. You had too much control over your vaginal muscles and he was too into you to not be hugely turned on by it, shoving your legs up higher so he could go deeper, feel more of you surround him and massage his length.

“H-harder…” you whimpered. “Please, Jungkook, fuck me harder…”

And how could Jungkook say no to that? Begging so perfectly, with just the right amount of desperation, and you didn’t even know it was driving him insane, because he knew normally you were so wound up, always worrying about being perfect, always worrying about doing the right thing, but now you were unraveling on his cock as he bent down and put more force into it, pounded you harder, watching the ecstasy in your eyes, your mouth opening and tongue peeking out, hot breath in his face. Knuckles white as you clutched the sheets, pleasure radiating up his length as you came with a cry, his name, his name on those perfect lips, lips he always watched with envy, wondering who had them, wondering who was so lucky to capture them.

And now it was just him, just him and you, and his hips slapping into your hips, pussy nearly choking his cock, but it felt so good, so fucking euphoric as you fucked him back, raising your hips to meet his, loud, wet, and lewd, probably causing a ruckus next door. But neither of you cared, your names mixing together, your eyes staring to Jungkook’s piercing brown ones, hot pleasure radiating up your stomach, your chest, to your head and there was no one else.

No one else but Jungkook’s name tumbling out of your mouth as the wave soared into you, pussy spasming as you came again, unsure at what number it was, but it was the one Jungkook wasn’t prepared for and he groaned, smacking into you one last time before you felt his cock throb and pulse against your walls, spilling into the condom. You gasped at the feeling, clenching around him, his right hand reaching over to grasp yours and hold it tightly, intertwining your fingers.

“W-wow…” you whispered breathlessly. “Nice cock.”

Jungkook burst out laughing. “You’re unbelievable.” He reached down and gingerly felt around in your dripping folds, finding the end of the condom and pulling out carefully.

“Fuck. It’s so much,” he gulped, brows knitted in worry.

You waved a hand. “It’s fine. I finished my period yesterday. Likelihood of you getting me pregnant is pretty low.”

Jungkook jerked his head towards you.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say that sooner?” he roared, slapping your leg. “I was scared shitless over here!”

You placed your hands over your ears. “So loud. Shut up, Jungkook.”

“No!”

--

masterpost

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

[harryhandstan]

gotta get better

gif credit

This concept has been in my head for a while now and it took me like a month to write and edit and just get it all out! I had surgery two years ago today and it was one of the most emotional, stressful experiences of my life simply bc I’m just a big baby lol. This is just something to celebrate that day and the fact that I’m still so happy it’s all over! Fluffy af as usual cause that’s all I know how to write. :)

Thankful to @bfharry​ and @bopbopstyles​ for not only inspiring me with their amazing writing but pushing me towards finishing this and reaching (even going over) my personal 5k goal! I appreciate you both so much!!

I recently saw a post about tagging triggers properly so I’m gonna do it that way but if I do it wrong or it doesn’t work PLEASE let me know and I will fix it immediately (just want to be sure all my bases are covered)

// needles tw, pills tw (prescription), anxiety tw // (if I missed anything I should’ve tagged please please let me know!!) and I’m sure there are some medical inaccuracies bc that whole day is kind of a blur for me haha 

as always likes/rbs/comments are welcome but absolutely not necessary :) 

final word count: 7.1k

//

"Y'nervous, angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Bout to chew your finger off. I know there can't be much of a nail left."

Your hand drops back to your lap. You hadn't even realized you were doing it. A bad habit of the nervous child you thought you'd long forgotten. He offers his left hand and you accept it, thumb swiping over the cross painted across his skin. He knows it's one of your favorites and you're thankful for the comfort. You don't know how many times he'd teased you about how you would eventually rub it off one day and he'd have to get it redone.

"S'a routine surgery, I bet they do them all day. You're gonna be fine."

You'd been over all this a thousand times before. Harry had to ban you from looking up the procedure online at one point. You became obsessive with worry. What if you're still awake when they cut into you and you can't talk? What if you feel everything and can't tell anyone? What if you don't wake up? He had shot down every one of your horrifying theories.

"How much longer before they take me back?"

"Nurse said it would be about 10 minutes when we checked in. Shouldn't be too much longer. Want me to check the board again?"

Checking in had only consisted of a nurse taking your name and giving you your bracelet for the day with an ID number. The number would help Harry stay updated on where you were throughout the whole process. The "board" was simply a tv mounted to the wall that frequently cycled through each patient's last name and ID number.

"No, no," You cling to his sleeve like a desperate child, "Don't leave again. She said they wouldn't update anything until I went back anyway."

Harry had left you only briefly when you first arrived. Hands in his pockets, wandering around like a lost child around the big, open expanse of the waiting room. He stayed where you could see him and the whole time you had anxiously chewed your bottom lip until he returned. You hated it, but you knew he was just as nervous as you. So you let him have that moment. To check his surroundings and release some of the nerves so he could come back to you, calm and cool as always.

When the nurse does call your name, you almost jump out of your skin. You freeze, unable to move. Harry stands and flashes the nurse a quick smile before turning back to you and offering his hand.

You shake your head, "I can't do this, H. I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I move."

"You're not, promise. Remember those breathing exercises we practiced? Do those. C'mon..deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out. Do it while we walk."

Slow deep breath in. Pause. Slowly let it out.

You remember how silly you felt the first time you did it. How it made you giggle at first. This is never going to work. But eventually it did. Anytime you got upset or started to overthink about this day, Harry made you stop whatever you were doing and sit down. Breathe.

It was a little difficult to do while walking. Your body wanted to pause your steps when your breath paused, but Harry tugged you along, you almost hiding behind him until you made it through a set of heavy wooden doors to a small space with a hospital bed and a curtain drawn in front of it.

//

The IV had had been your biggest dread, the fear overriding any logic that it was something you needed, instead of something the nurses decided to do simply to torture you.

Your face twists into a wince of pain when the needle goes into your vein, Harry standing over you, his face a mirror of your own as you squeeze his hand. When the nurse pulls away with a triumphant "all done!" you flash a look of surprise between your arm and Harry.

"Not that bad, eh? Think ya overreacted a bit about how bad that was gonna be?" He raises his eyebrows, waiting for you to shoot him a nasty look for teasing you.

"Maybe a little." You pinch your index finger and thumb together, indicating a minimal amount.

"Tiny bit more, babe," Another nurse appears from around the curtain and he laughs before speaking to her, "it's all she's worried about all morning."

"Honestly that's everyone's least favorite part. The rest of the day should be aces if you can handle that!"

Harry settles himself into a chair while the nurse goes through a myriad of questions. Any other surgeries? Allergies to medications you know of? Do you smoke? Drink?

Harry snorts when you say no to drinking, but quickly clasps his hand over his mouth when the nurse's head snaps to look between you and him.

"The occasional drink is fine, no worries. Nothing this morning though, right?"

"No, ma'am."

Your eyes meet his, a mischievous grin still plastered across his face. He mumbles a quick "sorry" while you try to pull your concentration back towards the nurse and the remainder of her questions.

"Alright, time for the good stuff," she passes you a small clear cup with two white pills, "First one is just something to keep you calm and relaxed, second one is to prevent any pain after the procedure. They'll give you something to make you sleepy when you get to the OR, but this might make you a bit loopy for now."

"This should be fun." Harry claps his hand in front of him, rubbing them together quickly. He leans forward in his chair, as if ready for a show.

"Yeah? Is she a happy drunk?"

Harry had only ever experienced you high on any sort of prescription medication once, almost a year ago when you went on a girl's trip with your best friend and twisted your ankle in an attempt to make it back to her car after dinner out one night. You calling him from an unknown ER in the middle of the night had terrified him enough to start packing a bag to fly to you before your best friend could grab your phone and assure him you were fine and she would put you on a plane home to him in two days as planned. He had teased you endlessly when he picked you up from the airport and for the next few days afterwards as you limped around on a bruised, ACE bandage wrapped foot.

But after too many wine drunk nights to count, he had enough stories to humiliate you with and the thought of any one of them being told now had you sinking further into the hospital bed.

"You could say that. Last time she.." His voice trails off at the sight of your eyes, wide as saucers, begging him to stop.

The nurse grins, her face kind and sympathetic to your silent cry for help.

"We're a little behind schedule this morning so it may be about 20 minutes before they come transport you, okay?" You nod, the effects of the sedative already working its way through your system, "Keep an eye on her? Make sure she behaves?"

"Yeah, I got her. We'll be fine, thank you so much." He's closer now, standing next to you again, a hand sliding up your arm to settle on your shoulder. You manage a thumbs up and a sleepy "thank you" as an affirmation that you appreciate all she's done for you.

"You're more than welcome. You'll have a different set of nurses in recovery but if you need anything until they come get you, just let me know, alright?"

"We will, thanks." His thumb ghosts across the front of your collarbone, the lightest of touches to soothe you, his eyes still focused on the nurse.

"Good luck! You're gonna do just fine, I promise."

The second she's around the curtain, Harry nudges you lightly, "Scoot."

"Huh? What do you mean..Harry, there's not enough room for you in this bed." Your head feels too light to deal with his nonsense now.

"Yeah there is if you scoot. C'mon. Hurry before we get caught. M’supposed to be keeping an eye on you, remember? Gotta make sure you don't fall outta the bed."

He's already wedged himself next to you, trying to make his tall frame fit into the limited space.

You move over as much as you can, the rail of the bed poking into your hip.

He tucks one arm behind your head, the other one thrown behind his own as a cushion.

"You feel more relaxed now, lovie?"

You scrunch down in the bed, just enough that you can tuck your head under his other arm, "A little. I don't feel sleepy enough though," Your eyes dart up, seeking the comfort of his face, "I'm scared, H."

"I know you are, baby," the hand behind your head shifts to cup around your arm, pulling you closer, "Just pretend you're home with me and we're taking a nice little nap together, yeah?"

"But you won't be there with me, not really."

"I'll be there when you wake up though. First thing you'll see when you open your eyes, promise." He runs a finger along the curve of your nose, "Close your eyes. Try to sleep, hmm?"

You shake your head, turning towards him to hide your face in his side, inhaling his scent.

"Want me to turn the light off? Would that help?"

"No," You toss the arm that isn't trapped between you two over him, holding tightly to his shirt, "Stay."

"Alright, then. We'll just wait," He tilts his head to rest closer to yours, "Have you thought about what you want to eat after?"

"Not really. M'too nervous to think about food."

"We'll think of something good. Whatever you want."

"You're gonna get us in trouble, better scoot back to your corner like a good boy." Your words come out unintentionally slurred and you weakly push yourself up and away from him as he slides off. He doesn't sit though, just stands near you, an anxious look flashing across his features.

"Hey, c'mere. Gonna be fine, routine surgery, remember?" You stretch your arms out to him, a plea to be near his warmth again.

He sits on the edge of the bed, facing you. You tug lightly at the sleeve of his cardigan, a feeble attempt to pull him closer. He indulges you, his brow still creased with distress.

"Know ya gonna be fine, just hate you have to go through it at all. Wish I could take it from you without all this." He gestures to the IV he knows you despise so much.  

"You have helped take it from me. All the sleepless nights you spent up with me, holding my hair back when I got sick. All the days after when I was too drained to get out of bed. You were there for as much of it as you could be. And you pushed me to go see the surgeon in the first place. You've helped me more than you give yourself credit for."

His fingers intertwine in yours, the pad of his thumb soothing over the front of your hand.

"Make sure you keep my phone with you, my mom will probably call you every 30 minutes for updates." A yawn stretches across your face, "She has your number too, bullied me into giving it to her last week when I called to tell her about the surgery."

He nods, patting his pocket to make sure both phones are still nestled there together.

Another yawn threatens to escape and you muffle it this time, more content to fight sleep to stare at Harry; his hair a perfect mess of curls under the harsh brightness of the hospital lighting. His face is more relaxed now, his eyes still focused on your fingers tangled together. He catches you, your eyes glazed over, too heavy and threatening to close.

"Darling, please close your eyes. I can see how tired you are," His fingertips sweep delicately over your nose again, as if he was lulling a baby to sleep, "You don't have to stay awake for me."

"Closing my eyes for just a second, alright? Not because you told me to though. I want to. Wake me up in 2 hours, don't wanna sleep too long."

Your eyes are already drifting closed, the last thing you hear is a chuckle; effortless, light as air, "I will, promise."

Soft kisses pressed across your face, "Sweet dreams, love."

//

His voice is the first you hear as you wake up in the dimly lit recovery room. Well, really it was more like a big cubicle, another space with a curtain drawn in front of it. Even with the floaty, dreamy feeling flowing through your system, you can still detect the worry in his voice.

"Harry?" It takes your mind a minute to catch up and process where you are and what had happened.

Oh yeah. Surgery day. No more annoying gallbladder. No more sleepless nights. Freedom to eat what you want and not be haunted by nausea and sickness from what you ate.

"How are you feeling? Any pain?" Suddenly a nurse in bright blue scrubs is there, way too animated and loud at the moment, "Pain scale 1-10?"

"I don't have any pain. Zero." You're aware of how high you sound and a giggle escapes through the haze. That earns you a smile from Harry, one that lights up his whole face and makes his dimples shine through.

"Awesome! Well then as soon as you're good and awake we're gonna get this IV out and go over some paperwork for both of you to sign. I want you to drink something for me too, so what would you like?"

You request a ginger ale and as soon as the nurse leaves to retrieve it for you, Harry scoots the chair he's sitting in as close to the bed as possible.

"How long was I out?"

"Couple of hours," He absentmindedly fixes your hair, looping various curls back around to their respective places, "Took a little longer than expected, you had a small infection so they had to make sure it hadn't spread."

"How much longer?"

"Long enough you had us all slightly worried." His hand trails down your cheek to cup your chin gently, urging you to look at him, "You sure you're not in pain? Now's not the time to do that stubbornly brave thing you do where you pretend nothing's wrong."

"I feel fine, really. Just a little tired, ready to go home."

He studies your face, trying to find any trace of dishonesty. When he's satisfied you're being truthful, he stands and extracts your phone from his pocket.

"Already talked to ya mum, but your co-workers were all texting you, asking how you were. Figured you'd want to handle that yourself, didn't know how much detail you would want to give them."

"Did you give my mother all the details? Infection and everything?"

"Um, no. I knew better than to do that. Promised her you would call when I got you settled at home."

"You promised or she demanded?"

"Okay..she politely asked that you call her when we get home."

"That sounds more like her." You roll your eyes, pushing yourself so you're sitting more upright in the bed.

"She just worries about you." He adjusts the pillow behind you, fluffing and tucking it where you direct it, against your lower back.

"I know. I'll FaceTime her when we get home to prove I'm alive."

"It's been a while since we've seen them, maybe we should plan a visit?" He plops himself back in the chair, leaning back as far as he can go; hands behind his head, eyes closed. You'd both gotten very little sleep the night before, you were too anxious and he was too gracious to let you suffer alone.

"Oh please, I'm lucky I even got time off to do this. My boss would never allow another break so soon."

"Maybe for the holidays?"

"Maybe..but only if you can go with me, you know they love you more than me by now anyway."

"They do not," He peeks one eye open at you, "They love us both equally."

You shoot a quick text to your co-workers, using the group chat between the few of you to make it easier.

I'm out! Feeling okay for now but that might change later lol

The nurse is back, apologizing for taking so long, "We've been so behind all day, it's crazy busy. I had to wait for your doctor to sign off on your release." She hands you a can of ginger ale, white bendy straw already poised and ready for you.

"Just need you to sign here," She holds a clipboard and a pen out to you and you balance the can dangerously in one hand while you scribble something that resembles your signature. Close enough. She gestures for you to pass the clipboard to Harry, "His signature goes under yours, just says he's responsible for you for the next few hours until everything wears off."

"This means I'm the boss, right?" He leans over to grab the board, a wink thrown in your direction. He's enjoying himself way too much at the thought of being in control of you for the next few hours. Smug son of a bitch.

She takes the clipboard back and pulls off a yellow sheet of paper, "This is just your copy of what you signed, and also has post op instructions for your bandages. Your prescription's been sent to the pharmacy, and there's a brief summary of pain management information on the bottom there just in case you need it."

"Thank you." You transfer it right to Harry's waiting hand, knowing he'll be the one surveying every word, making sure you follow everything to the letter.

"I know you mentioned earlier having a little bit of a drive home, so probably once you get her some food and pick up her prescriptions, it'll be time for another round of meds. Okay?" She turns to you again, "I know it sounds silly, but one of the most important things after this particular surgery is lots of walking. Otherwise you'll be miserable. Rest for a while when you get home, then get up every 10 minutes or so until bedtime. Don't let her skip that part, alright? Very important."

"I heard you weren't a big fan of this thing," She nods towards the IV in your right forearm, "So this'll probably be the best part of this whole process for you. We'll get this out and then you can get changed and we'll get someone to wheel you down and out of here, alright? Don't look and you won't even know when it's gone."

"Hey, think about what you want to eat, huh? Your first freedom meal. Yay!" He slips his hand into your left, raising your connected hands victoriously. You didn't think it was possible for you to love him anymore until this moment. The way he could so easily erase your fear was one of his many gifts you adored him for, "What are we having, babe?"

You don't even hesitate before answering, "Pizza, from Milano's. It's my favorite, other than that one place in Italy you took me to. Please? Oh and one of their salads, with the little bread knots on the side!"

He glances at the nurse, awaiting a reprimand for your meal choice.

"As your nurse, I feel I should remind you that while you can have anything you feel like eating, we usually recommend something small and light at first. Broth or soup with some toast, maybe. The salad may be fine, but the pizza might be a little heavy. Taking it slow would be best. But everyone is different."

"So..just cheese then? Maybe some mushrooms?"

You let your head fall back against the pillow, a foggy haze settling over you, "Plain cheese, no mushrooms."

"Alright, sounds good. Why don't I go call it in and pull the car around? Meet you out front?" He leans closer, a quick peck to your cheek before pulling his hand loose from yours and turning to leave.

"Hey, wait," You attempt to tug at his wrist, but fail, your brain still set to slow-motion. He takes pity on you and returns to your side, "Let's eat there. It's in the mall so we can window shop after we eat."

"You sure? You still seem a bit tipsy, honey."

You don't feel tipsy. Just tired, and hungry. Very hungry. As if on cue, your stomach makes a remarkably loud noise; an objection at not being fed for the past 12 hours.

"Alright, alright, calm down. " You let out an embarrassed groan when you realize he's talking to your stomach, "We'll eat there."

He kisses you again, closer to your mouth, "Missed."

"I did, huh?" He chuckles, close enough to your face now your noses are almost touching, "Let's try again."

This time his lips meet yours and you know he missed on purpose the first time by how amused he looks when he pulls away.

"One more for luck?" You can't resist letting the back of your hand wander over his face, before resting the palm of your hand against his cheek.

"I think I can handle that," He smiles before landing another quick peck to your lips, "Be good for the nurse while I'm gone. I'll have the getaway car ready in 10, yeah?"

//

You're certain Harry would have fed you if you would have let him, right here in the mall food court in front of everyone. But you refuse, insisting even, on carrying your own tray to the table. He chuckles when you pull your phone out of your sweater pocket to take a picture of your food, quickly uploading it to Facebook.

He watches you closely as you take the first bite, even pulling his own phone out to sneak a photo of you when you temporarily close your eyes to appreciate the indulgence of being able to eat one of your favorite foods again; free from that anxious feeling of whether or not it would settle right with your body later. You open your eyes the very moment after he captured the image.

"Harry!"

"You just looked so happy! I couldn't help it. You know I'll never post it anyway. Snagged a few of you earlier in your little blue cap they made you wear too." He flips back through to show you. You try to snatch the phone away, but he's too quick to pull his hand back and stash his phone in his pocket.

"When??"

"After you fell asleep, right before they came to take you back."

He takes a bite from his own generous slice of pizza in front of him before gesturing to your tray, "How is it?"

"Amazing. Even better than before, if possible."

His smile is bright, loving the satisfaction of seeing you actually enjoy food again.

Your plan to walk around the mall was cut short, you could barely make it through one store without yawning. You cling to Harry most of the way back to the car, his arm securely wrapped around you to keep you steady.

You doze off on the drive home, and when your eyes flutter open you find him opening the passenger door, offering a hand to help lift you out of the car and up the stairs into the house. Your foot stumbles on the first step, failing to make contact and you almost fall back.

"Easy," He giggles, an arm thrown behind your back to catch you before encouraging softly, "Try again."

When he's confident you're stable enough on your feet, he lets go to unlock the door.

You're greeted by a bouquet of flowers, a colorful arrangement of roses and lilies from Harry's band mates. You immediately recognize Sarah's handwriting on the card and make a mental note to shoot everyone a thank you text later. You don't know if it's the medication still in your system, the exhaustion of the day, or the overwhelming amount of love that makes you teary eyed.

Harry stands behind you as you admire the flowers and the card, arms curving around to hug you, careful of the large bandage on your upper abdomen and the two smaller steri-strips on your right side.

"How did they know pink roses were my favorite?"

"They love you, peach." He rests his chin on your shoulder, "Besides, you've only mentioned growing up with a pink rose bush in your Nanna's garden about a hundred times."

"I always loved it. Still do."

Your mind travels back to your earliest memories spent there; summers when you practically lived at the small house on the hill. Helping pick tomatoes and peppers from the garden, too warm afternoons spent with a book in your lap under the shade of a peach tree, your grandfather's corny jokes and loving smile. Your Nanna's too generous portions of food contributing to the few extra curves you still carried with you to this day.

You don't even notice the tears at first. They slip down your cheeks and land on his arm. Once you realize, you try to quickly wipe them away, but Harry sees.

"Hey..c'mon, I think your high's wearing off a bit, bub. Pajamas, meds, nap. Sound good?" He turns you to face him, using the sleeve of his shirt to brush away any tears that still linger at the corner of your eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 3..why?"

"No nap. I'll never sleep tonight, and you know how grumpy I get when my sleep schedule is thrown off." Even with your declaration of not wanting a nap, you can't help but rub your eyes, a weak attempt to keep yourself awake. Any resolve Harry had to try to convince you to nap melts away. A smirk on his face, he knows you'll eventually crash later, most likely on his chest or in his arms. He's content to let you be stubborn for now.

"Okay, then. New plan. Pajamas, meds, movie. Better?"

"Better. You get everything ready and pick the movie while I change?"

"You don't wanna pick the movie?"

You wave him off, already shuffling towards the bedroom, "You're the boss today, remember?"

You take your time gathering what you need to get cozy for the rest of the day, selecting an oversized, well-worn tie dye t-shirt and leggings from your dresser. You even take a moment to dip into Harry's extensive sweatshirt collection, grabbing your favorite one. It's amazingly soft and still smells of him, a faint scent of his cologne and well..just Harry. You couldn't imagine anything more comforting.

In your pursuit to feel more lucid, you venture into the bathroom, taking a moment to wash your face. The cool water instantly refreshes you and pushes you closer to feeling like yourself again. Wanting your hair out of your face, you pluck a scrunchy from your shared collection of hair accessories. You quickly recognize that your arms still have that too heavy feeling of unconsciousness and after a few attempts to gather your curls into some sort of up-do, you give up and loop the accessory around your wrist to try again later.

Harry senses your frustration when you find him in the kitchen, two small green pill bottles sitting on the counter in front of him. He's already filled your favorite cup with ice water, and you gratefully take it and drink from it.

"What's wrong?" His brow creases with concern and you feel guilty for making him worry over something so silly.

"Nothing..just wanted my hair up out of my face but my arms wouldn't cooperate." You try to laugh it off to put him more at ease, "It's not a big deal."

You know it's only the weariness of the day still making you feel so emotional, clear-headed you would not be upset over something so small.

"Here. Let me try." He slides the scrunchy from your wrist and pulls you closer to him, moving behind you to gently work long fingers through your hair, gathering it all in a loose ponytail on top of your head before securing it around a few times with the scrunchy.

You let your shoulders drop with a deep sigh when he's done, it was such a simple thing, but it made you feel so much lighter. He spins you around to face him, a charming gleam of pride at his handiwork adorning his face, "Too tight?"

"No. Much better. Thank you, Harry. You take such good care of me always, but today..I don't know what I would've done without you. I made such a big fuss and probably made you miserable with all of my worrying." You're suddenly very aware that you are rambling, but when you catch a glimpse of his face, his smile is wide. So bright that the skin around his eyes is crinkling.

He leans towards you, lips stopping whatever words may have come next, arms wrapping around you to pull you closer in a soft, warm embrace. When he pulls away, his eyes bore right into yours, and your heart swells with more love than you could ever imagine having for one person. But he wasn't just any person. He was your person, your whole word staring back at you.

"I'm SO proud of you. You've been so strong today, always knew you had that strength in you, but seeing you take that leap of faith..doing something you knew you should despite your fear, that's all you, love. I can't take any credit for that. You've made me anything but miserable, trust me."

His face is still close enough to yours that you nudge forward, pressing your forehead to his, a silent appreciation of his affection.

"Any pain yet?" He pulls back, a thumb across your cheek, eyes still locked on yours.

"My head kind of hurts? And I still just feel kind of..drunk."

"You have always been a bit of a lightweight, babe. And a thief too, I see. S'that my sweatshirt?"

"Have not!" You swat playfully at his arm, "Maybe. Is that my hair clip in your hair?"

"Possibly." His eyes dart up to the swoop of curls on top of his head, a black plastic clip twisting it back and away from his face.

"Guess we're even then."

"S'pose we are." He tries to keep his eyes narrowed in a mock attempt of annoyance, but it quickly fades into laughter.

You decide against FaceTiming your family, hoping that hearing your voice will be enough. It seems to satisfy them at least for the rest of the day. You assure them that Harry is taking very good care of you and that everything went as smooth as could be expected.

He raises one eyebrow at you as you hang up, "As smooth as expected, huh? You aren't going to tell them the truth?"

"What's to tell? I had an infection and now it's gone. I'm fine, there's no sense in worrying them. We can give them the full story later."

He shrugs, fingers working to open one of the green pill bottles before passing one of the white pills to you, "For your headache, lovie. There's something here for nausea too if you need it. M'worried the pizza might've been too much. Maybe you should take one of these..just in case?"

"Harry, I promise I will tell you if I feel anything other than fine." Your hand runs from his shoulder down his bicep, squeezing gently, "Besides, I cannot take a whole one of those. If you think I'm a lightweight now..I'll sleep for the whole week if I take that."

He slips the bottle in his pocket, pulling you in to press a kiss to the top of your head, "We'll keep it close just in case, okay?"

"Sounds good," Your hand trails back up to his neck to work fingers through his hair, "Hey, thought we were watching a movie? What'd you pick?"

"Thought we could decide together. C'mon, let's get you comfy in bed."

"Ever the gentleman, always trying to get me in your bed."

"Hey! I am a perfect gentleman, thank you very much," He chuckles, a hand coming to rest on the small of your back, "Just thought you'd be more comfortable, you can prop up and stretch your feet out."

You let him tug you along for the second time today, thankful it's the luxury of your shared bed you get to settle into this time. He tucks you in softly, propping pillows behind your back and head.

"Comfy? Need anything else?"

"No, just need you to quit babying me so much and relax with me for a bit."

"Since when am I not allowed to baby you?"

You roll your eyes, "Never said you weren't allowed. Just want you to stop worrying so much, that's all."

"Good. Cause y'are my baby," No matter how many times you'd heard him say it before, it never failed to make you blush, "Do anything for you, y'know that, right?"

"I know," You look down at your hands, trying to slow your racing heart, "You never let me forget."

"Hey," He pokes your cheek, pulling your gaze back up to him, "I love you."

"I love you more, H."

He kisses your forehead, "Impossible. I love you most."

The reference to one of your favorite movies has you smiling at him, that dreamy feeling falling over you again, "Can we watch Tangled?"

"Sure, princess."

He sinks next to you, head propped up on your shoulder, navigating easily through Disney+ to find your requested movie.

Your eyes drift closed right about the time the lanterns are being released in the sky, a moment that normally leaves your face wet with tears, the soft vibrations of Harry humming along the perfect lullaby to push you further into your dream.

//

He wakes you later in the evening.

"Dinner's on the table if you want to join me."

"Time's it?" Your voice is still heavy with sleep.

"7. You were sleeping so deeply I didn't want to wake you, thought your body could use the extra sleep today."

"Yeah. It was nice, thank you." You stretch your arms forward, reaching for his hands to help pull you up.

"How do you feel?"

"A little sore. More sober, for sure."

Dinner is simple; a bowl of plain broth, salad, and toast. Exactly what the nurse suggested earlier. There's even a warm mug of tea waiting for you.

"With honey for my honey," He's so proud of his cheesy expression of love you cannot help but smile.

You look at him curiously when he sits next to you, the same boring meal set out for himself.

"Harry..you can eat what you want, babe. Seriously you've done enough today, more than enough to be supportive. It wouldn't hurt my feelings if you made yourself something different."

"Nah. S'fine. We're in this together, yeah?"

You raise your eyebrows at him playfully, "Did you have an organ snatched from your body today?"

"No, I didn't." He laughs, "I just meant food wise, love. It's vegetable broth, by the way, hope that's alright."

"It's perfect."

You nudge him lightly, an elbow to his side, shifting closer to ask for a kiss. He meets you the rest of the way, lips planted firmly on yours. When you don't pull away, he quickly adds another.

After dinner is done and you have another round of meds, the two of you end up in an awkward ball of cuddles on the couch. Harry flips through the channels on the tv before finding a show you both agree on.

But you're too restless, unable to find a position comfortable enough for you. You shift a few times, finally giving up and letting out a frustrated groan before tossing the blanket off the both of you and springing up and off the couch.

Harry doesn't panic, just grabs your hand before you can get too far away or lose your balance, keeping his voice low when he asks, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing hurts. I just can't get comfortable, and I don't feel right."

"What doesn't feel right, angel? Explain."

"I don't feel like myself. I don't know how to explain it. Just feel off."

He sees you're on the verge of tears and ascends from his spot on the couch, arms quickly enveloping you before placing a finger under your chin to pull your face up to look at him.

"It's probably gonna take a day or so to adjust, baby. Yes it was a minor surgery but it was a major change to your body." He's bending now to look right into your eyes, searching them,  "How can we fix it tonight, hmm? What do you need?"

Tears are free flowing, falling on the front of your t-shirt and down to the floor.

"Take your time. Breathe." A large hand smoothing warm circles firmly across your back; a balm for your restless spirit.

You pause, deep breath in before slowly letting it out, "I think I just need to move around for a bit."

"Let's go for a walk, eh? A quick one and then back to bed. Your mind needs more rest. How's that sound?" He taps your forehead softly.

"Okay, yeah." You nod your head, an approval of his plan.

"Don't worry about it, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."

You nod again, scared your voice will break if you try to speak. He knew that those words held a lot of weight for you, he'd repeated them often throughout this whole process and to hear them now was a reminder of how safe you were. That with him, you would always be safe and loved.

Being dark outside meant you gracelessly padding through the house, up and down the hallway a few times and back to the living room. Harry stays close, encouraging you along with little claps and kisses to motivate you. When your stomach starts to feel uneasy, he urges you once again to take something for nausea. You agree to take a half a pill, knowing it'll help you sleep.

Despite the nap you had earlier and only being awake for a couple of hours, it doesn't take much convincing for you to settle back into bed.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

He's already reclined next to you, book in hand, the soft light from the lamp illuminating one side of his face. You're smushed against him, drifting between that sweet space of almost asleep and wanting to stay awake to enjoy any spare moment you get with him. His hand working through your hair helps push you towards the former of the two.

"I'm sorry to be such a burden today," Your words are slurring together but you continue on, just needing to get your thoughts out before he can stop you, "I don't deserve you and I shouldn't have overreacted so much about something so simple."

"Hey, none of that now," He lays the book on the nightstand, careful to save his place for later before pulling you closer to him, "You were not, nor have you ever been a burden to me. Just because you needed a little extra help today does not mean you aren't deserving of me or my love. You will never have to earn that. It's yours, always has been, will be as long as you decide to keep me around."

"Thank you. For all of it. I'll always want you."

"Always? Y'might change your mind someday, angel."

"I won't. Promise."

"Yeah? Me either."

A kiss laid delicately to the top of your head has your eyes dangerously close to falling shut again before another thought navigates its way through your mind and out of your mouth before you can stop it.

"H..what am I gonna do with a full week off from work?"

"Let me take care of you?"

//

And that's exactly what he does.

Mornings spent sleeping in, late breakfasts made together and afternoon walks. Evenings consisting of the two of you preparing dinner together or ordering takeout from some of the forbidden places you couldn't eat from before. Mugs of herbal tea before early bedtimes, you sweetly falling asleep to the sound of his voice reading to you most nights.

But his favorite part was that the scent of lavender was no longer cursed for you. Some nights before your surgery, when you simply could not fall asleep the pain was so unbearable, you would fill the tub with hot water and lavender scented bubbles to try to calm yourself enough to be able to drift off afterwards. It never worked, the heat always doing more harm than good. Harry would always be waiting for you, open arms and a soft towel to wrap you in.

So the smell became one you hated, memories of sleepless nights and nausea. But now you were free to use it again for what you always loved it for before it was cursed. In your body wash, lotion, even your laundry detergent; spreading the scent all over your shared space in as many ways as you could.

He even mentions it one night after dinner, when the two of you are pressed impossibly close together on the couch. His nose buried into your neck, inhaling deeply, pulling away to announce, "You smell like you again, love. Missed it so much." He burrows back in, placing kisses from your neck to your shoulder, ignoring your giggles and protests of how much it tickles.

A week later, the alarm wakes you sooner than you've become accustomed to, reminding you of your return to work. Harry's arm thrown over your waist pulls you closer as you try to leave the bed, a sleepy "Don't go." mumbled in your ear.

You do your best to peel yourself away from him, admitting silently to yourself how much harder it is for you to leave the warmth of your bed as it is for him to let you go.

//

2 years later, you have a scar you swear didn't heal right, and a man who loves you even more because of it.

[bucky-iss-bae]

Drunken Confessions - (Billy Russo x Reader)

A/N: This is a shamblessss, I lowkey love it though. It’s been in my head a while, idc if I done what I wanted, but it is what it is. FLUFF AF 

Fandom: Marvel’s The Punisher

Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: FLUFF 

Word Count: 1600ish

Getting older you realised how bad your tolerance with alcohol had gotten. Whenever it was girls night, you were guaranteed to be black out wasted by the time it came to getting home. Last time you don’t even know how you got home.

Tonight was no different. You don’t remember calling someone to pick you up, but you definitely had a ride home.

Billy was sat drinking with Frank and Curtis, a few other guys they knew had joined them, they were in a different bar, playing snooker, poker, a few others. Billy wasn’t drinking, he didn’t like drinking unless in the right environment.

He was currently winning in snooker when his phone started going off. He checked it seeing it was you who had called, he then realised it was nearly 2am. 

“Give me a minute” He murmured before answering the call, “Hey baby, you good?” He asked,

“Billy” You cheered excitedly, “You know how you lo-love me” You cut off hiccupping there before you slurred out the rest of your speech, “Please come get me.”

He looked around, smiling to himself glad that he could use you as an excuse to get out of this. Despite nearly taking easy money from one of the guys that piss him off.

“Yeah, I’m on my way” He told you before throwing some money down, telling Frank and Curtis where he was headed before leaving to find you.

You were outside of the bar, drunk off your head, but singing an old song that was playing from the inside. A proper 90s throwback.

“Hey Y/N, your mans here now. Get home safe” one of your friends said kissing your cheek, you shouted after them saying you love them,

“Hey baby, you ready to go?” Someone asked from behind you, you turned around and grimaced at them,

“Excuse me, I’ve got a boyfriend”

Billy chuckled at you shaking his head, “I’m sorry, come on let’s get you home” He said leading you towards his car,

“Are you taking me to Billy?” You asked him pouting,

“I am Billy sweetheart” He said making sure you got in the car properly,

You gasped at that, “No you’re not. Billy isn’t an uber driver.”

Billy started laughing at that, “Lets just get you home” he said,

Billy adored you, the way you were so sweet and innocent, the complete opposite of how he is. When you first started dating, he was apprehensive to say the least. It took you both to work as a team to break each other’s walls down.

He loved how sweet, patient, and loving you were with him. He almost seemed as if he were touch starved before you came along. You became his everything, his reason for getting up in the morning, for working hard knowing one day you’ll start a family together. And for you it was the same. Billy because someone you felt safe with, someone who felt like home. Who bought out an adventurous side to you, but also kept you, you. The two of you worked in perfect harmony together.

He stared down at you while you continued to sing the song that was on in the club before he started talking to you.

“How was your night sweetheart?” he asked you,

“It was good. I missed Billy though” You grimaced,

“You did? Why?”

“Because it’s Billy. Although I had a good time with my friends, but Billy… he’s just ugh. He’s amazing”

“Is he now?” He asked smirking to himself,

“Uh, yes. Duh! How can you not know?” You mumbled under your breath, “Billy is amazing, and every man out there should be jealous of him” You stated,

“They should, should they?” He asked wanting to see what leverage he could get against you,

“Yup. He’s just so perfect, like don’t tell him, his head will get too big otherwise. But he’s so perfect and I love him. One day we’re gonna have a whole family, I can’t wait. Billy doesn’t know yet though. But we’re having a big family. I want a big family. And we’ll do like cute Christmas card pictures, and we’ll do like family vacations to Disney Land, and life will be perfect.”

He smiled fondly at your words was but let you continue,

“Also, he’s just so nice to look at” You said pouting, “It makes me sad though. He doesn’t realise how fucking sexy his face is, he’s all like ‘oh but people stare at my scars’” He rose his eyebrows at how you mimicked him but was amused at the same time. “in reality, they stare because my man, whoooaaa, he’s sexy as hell. People stare because guys wish they were like him. And girls stare because they want me to punch them for staring at my man. Hah. I’m the only one that can ride that dick and face!” You grinned triumphally while sitting back.

“You want to ride my face then huh sweetheart?” Billy asked you, the thoughts driving him crazy, but he wouldn’t do anything with you tonight. Not when you don’t even recognise him.

“Ew not you. Billy’s. Billy Russo!” You said, “My boyfriend. I already told you! If you fucking try to touch me, he’ll beat you up. That’s right, my man knows how to fight”

Billy couldn’t get rid of the smile on his face even if he tried, watching you like this was something he heard stories about. Even from Karen, how when you get blackout drunk, you don’t recognise anyone or anything. That worried him slightly, but after realising the people you drink like that with know this, and take care of you, it eases his worries slightly. Only slightly.

“Does he now. I know how to fight as well” Billy replied back while he was parking the car,

“I don’t care. Are we going to see Billy now?” You asked turning to him, instead he was half way out of the car, and ready to help you out of your side.

In the light you could see his features a bit more clearly, “Billyy” You yelled jumping up into his arms once he opened the door causing him to laugh,

“I got you baby” he said while locking the car up, and you still in his arms,

You grabbed either side of his face and started to pepper kisses all over his face, “My damn sexy man. I missed you tonight. I had fun though. But I missed you, when we go upstairs, can we have some a little bit of fun. Just a little bit. Please billy, I missed you and your dick” You pouted,  

“We’ll see baby. You’re a little drunk right now” Billy also knew that drunk you was consistently horny. Especially when he was around.

“No I’m not. Just a little bit, I promise” He rose his eyebrows once more at that as he listened to you ramble on about how you’re not drunk until you guys reached your apartment.

“I’m going to put you on the bed, and get you out of this okay” He said to you,

He helped take your outfit off, he then got you a top of his despite your reluctance before he took you to your shared bathroom and sat you on the counter. He had also stripped off and quickly washed and moisturised his face before moving to you, helping you brush your teeth and use your mouthwash before he got to the skincare.

“Baby, we gotta take your makeup off, and do your skincare okay” He said,

“Then we can have fun?” You mumbled,

“Hmm, we’ll see baby. Just sit still for me okay” He started by removing your lashes and then makeup, he then used a gentle cleanser despite nearly getting water everywhere, he then applied the toner you do every day, he added on your eye cream, then serum, before finally moisturising your face.

By this point you were falling asleep in his hands, literally.

“You good baby?” He whispered to you,

You just nodded, “I’m tired Billy” You clung to him like a koala, your head resting in the crook of his neck,

“Let’s go sleep then yeah?” He asked as the two of you laid down, as clingy as you got when you were drunk, Billy wouldn’t change any of it, it was nice knowing that he meant this much to you, trusted you this much. He just smiled thinking back to the way you were in the journey here, the things you were saying, all the things he had been dreaming about with you. Thinking about everything as you drifted to sleep.

**

When you woke up the following morning (Afternoon) you were shocked to see Billy in bed beside you still, your head was resting on his chest, and he was sat watching TV, he wore only grey sweats, telling you that he had already seen some of his day.

After he passed you your water, and tablets he smirked down at you,

“So a whole army of kids huh? That’s something I could get on board with” He smirked down at you causing you to look confused before briefly remembering the car ride home, “Oh lets not forget you wanna go for a ride as well, you’ve got two options, my face or dick”

“Billy” You whined, “Shh, tease me later when I can live up to it” you grumbled,

He just laughed loudly at you before kissing your forehead and muttering an apology. “But for real, I want at least 5 kids” He then said causing you to giggle while shoved your face into his neck. 

[beclynn-herondale]

Inside TMI Gang's diaries part 5 1/2

(long post)

Clary: Dear diary, so the Clave didn't end up punishing me because I didn't technically break any rules when I brought Jace back, but some peeps are staring at me still and like bish you're making me uncomfortable, also I don't know where Jace is and I feel this deep emptiness without him. I decided I am gonna ask the Seelie Queen for help, and no brain you ain't stopping me k, Alec and Izzy will be with me on this and Simon. Also just wait Sebastian just wait, I am gonna show you who to truly be afraid of. But first coffee

*Later*

So shit happened, I went to the Seelie Queen and she asked me to steal these rings, but like I was like no, but I decided to take them for myself, anyway I saw Jace and Sebastian, and Jace looked completely fine, he looked happy, like nothing is even bothering him, and then i said I didn't get the rings, like a lier, and that night Jace broke into my bedroom and we kinda kissed, and I found out he is basically a puppet for Sebastian, and if you hurt or kill Sebastian you hurt or kill Jace, and just whatever life whatever, also Sebastian stabbed Luke and now Luke may die, my mom is taking us to Magnus' and now that we are here he called it saint Magnus' for wayword Shadowhunters, and me and my mom got into a fight, she said stuff about Jace and like that's the thing I am sensitive about, so I decided to tell Simon to meet me and I shall run away and save Jace, I am always gonna be the knight and him the Damsel. Also Simon is the best friend, now I gotta go kill my brother. Need some coffee first.

Possessed Jace: Dear diary, all is well in the day of being evil and running around with Sebastian, he is alright, anyway we are off to cause chaos, I want to try and take Clary with us tho. Also I am not sure but something weird may have happened between me and Sebastian the other night, I can't remember exactly, but it was weird.

*Later*

We broke into Clary's house and I tried to take her with us but Sebastian had to be unpleasant, he may be hungry, he gets hangry when he doesn't eat enough, I plan on coming back for Clary though, oh also Luke got hurt, that one feels bad. Oh and Clary did come back and she is with us now, I love her. Oh also Sebastian and me have gotten up to some stuff, he is a genius, and he is so evil, I love it.

Jace: I am gonna murder him, this bish is so stupid, oh shit wait is this me again? I feel like I am banging on a wall. Who says love that much?

Alec: Dear diary, a lot has happened, Jace is still kidnapped and the Clave didn't end up punishing Clary, thank the angel. I am sneaking behind Magnus' back and I hate it but what else am I supposed to do?, Clary wants to meet with the Seelie Queen and I have a bad feeling about it, she isn't trustworthy, but I guess we have no choice cause the Clave won't help much anymore. Izzy is ready to fight anyone. Magnus is still not sharing much and is avoiding topics, and he doesn't know about Camille. But Camille is the worst, how could Magnus ever have dated her, he's so good and hot, and kind and sexy, he's also giving and attractive, he's beautiful and has a beautiful soul.

*Later*

Still sneaking around, still hate being around Camille. Jace apparently was at the Institute with Sebastian and they were acting like buddies, Jace is my parabatai, Sebastian you little shit. And then Jace and Sebastian went to Clary's house and attacked so now Clary is here at Magnus' and so is Jocelyn. Life keeps getting weirder, and everything is going to hell, if Jace were here, he'd have a way to lighten the mood.

Magnus: Dear diary, breathe Magnus, breathe, thankfully Biscuit is fine, Blondie is still kidnapped. Izzy and Simon have tension between them and I want nothing to do with that drama, I know.i usually like drama but Shadowhunter drama is a mess. Camille is god knows where, probably being evil. Sebastian is still on the loose, probably being evil as well, no definitely being evil. Alec has been distant lately. Chairman Meow is a comfort as always. I am trying to track down blondie, but I have had no luck, Sebastian is good I'll give him that. The Clave is a pain in my ass as usual. And the Seelie Queen is a raging bish, some things never change.

*Later*

So. . . Apparently Sebastian and blondie were at the Institute and after that attacked Clary and Jocelyn in their house, Luke was injured and hopefully will be okay. As always, Saint Magnus' is where Jocelyn and Clary went to, I am like the safe haven for wayword Shadowhunters. Clary and Jocelyn just got into a fight, Mother and Daughter drama is never one you want to get into the middle of but Biscuit isn't necessarily in the wrong here. But I don't want people to explode on me and Jocelyn would so. . . Anyway, I suspect Izzy will be here soon and maybe Simon. Hopefully we'll figure out where Jace is somehow, everyone is miserable and I never noticed how much of a light he actually was until he was gone, and yes I am surprised by those words myself.

Izzy: Dear diary, life is only chaos and a mess as usual, I can't get Simon out of my head and I don't know why, I have never been this way with someone before, ahhhhhhhhh. Anyway the Clave didn't punish Clary so that's good, I would have fought them if they had tried anything. Jace is still missing and we still have no idea where he is, the Clave is deciding he isn't a priority anymore, and if not for me wanting to play it cool I would have thrown some unkind words, but I am also not surprised. But we'll find Jace and save him, I won't accept anything else, there is no way in hell I am losing another brother.

*Later*

Clary saw Jace and Sebastian at the Institute and then apparently they broke in her house, and tried to take her, and Clary says Jace wasn't Jace, that he believed Sebastian was right and I swear whatever Sebastian did to my bro, he is gonna pay for. Still can't stop thinking about Simon and I want to punch a tree, Jace would have said "What did the tree ever do to you" I miss that weirdo, I am heading over the Magnus' cause that's where Clary and Jocelyn are, Luke got hurt bad, hopefully things will be alright. Also Simon wasn't at his and Jordan's apartment, I got a little drunk and may have spilled some stuff to Jordan and I regret it. Anyway I am gonna try to get ahold of Simon and ask him to come, there's something about him that comforts me.

Simon: Dear diary, life as a teenager has been so hard, as usual, being a vampire still kinda sucks, my mom hates me, Jace is still missing, Clary and Izzy are both wrecks, and I just want a chiller times. There's something between Jordan and Maia but I be staying away, I have no idea what me and Izzy are relationship wise, Clary thankfully didn't get in trouble with the Clave. Sebastian is creepy af. I think I am gonna listen to mcr and be angst.

*Later*

Shit got very real again, apparently Jace and Sebastian attacked Clary at her house and Luke was hurt, also apparently you can't hurt or kill Sebastian with hurting or killing Jace, that's just amazing isn't it. Clary and Jocelyn are at Magnus', - although Clary isn't anymore, in fact she is right in front of me telling me her crazy plan to go after Jace, Jocelyn is gonna go mama bear on me, but I can't stop Clary that's never been an option with her, apparently we are gonna keep in contact with the faerie rings Clary secretly stole, it keeps getting worse, this is all gonna be bad. And to top it off I am ignoring Becky and she is gonna come after me if I don't respond soon, but how can I when there's so much. - later, Izzy wants me at Magnus' and I still don't know what we are, but I'll always be there for her, if she lets me.

Sebastian: Dear evil diary, I have to say I have been having a lot of fun, Jace thinks something weird happened between us the others night, and something did but he'll never know what ;), I plan to kidnap my sister and take her with us no matter what it takes, me and Jace have plans, evil plans. We are at the Institute for something, and after that when night comes we plan to find my sister, I know Jace won't do anything without her, she's the only thing that keeps him not fully in my control. Anyway I am to do evil.

*Later*

We broke into Clary's house and she was mad, like I thought you'd be happy to see your boyfriend who has been missing, little sister. But apparently not? And I tried to kill that werewolf but he may survive. Mother will pay. Jace says he's sure Clary will come, honestly his love and trust in her is strange and I do not understand it, father would be disgusted, but I need Jace and I want Clary as well, so I'll do what it takes. Evil is out.

Church: Dear cat diary, I am so fucking done, you have no idea how done I am, Herondale and Fairchild did stuff in the past that led to Herondale getting possessed. Jem you would know what to do, please save me. Herondale is probably gonna have something tragic again *sigh*, Fairchild isn't gonna sit by and do nothing, it isn't in her blood. Lightwood 1 is off and I don't know what it is but he has something, Lightwood 2 may well explode as and I wouldn't want to be in the middle of that, tho I would like to see her go off on the Clave *cat grins*, Sebastian is another evil guy, why do I bother to learn their names? Jem if you were here, Simon is idk, he is doing something, Magnus is Magnus, and I may try and visit Chairman Meow, seeing them may help my cat stress levels. Everything is shit, the world is going to shit, and my Jem isn't here to save me, and I want some frickin tuna.

Tagging @chibi-tsukiko , idk if you want to be tagged in this but I know you said to start tagging you 🙈

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ FALLIN' ALL IN YOU ❜

Songfic with ‘Fallin' all in you’ by Shawn Mendes.

with Jackson ‘Jax’ Teller.

Request: Hellooo love!! How are You?? Hope You good💕 could I request a jax teller x reader? Jax propose to the reader and then they have a wedding and some smutt!! Thank you honeeeyyy💕💕💕 love your work!! Just keep going💗 You are amazing🥰

BY ANON

The marriage proposal.

Warnings: none, fluff af.

Word count: about 1.7k

Aurora says: I didn't write the smut part because I thought that didn't fit in. this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

Masterlist.

Sunrise with you on my chest. No blinds in the place where I live, daybreak, open your eyes. This was only ever meant to be for one night. Still, we're changing our minds here. Be yours, be my dear.

Today is the day. Today is the day when you're going to marry your best friend, your partner in crime, the love of your life, the best man you could ever know. And even if it's supposed that the night before you shouldn't sleep together, you don't believe in superstition. You two wanted to wake up as a couple to go to sleep as a married couple. Your nose caresses his, purring as he closes his arms tightly around your body. One of your hands tour his neck slowly, with the tip of your fingers running over his skin and flooding on his lips, gently and sleepy kissing them. One second after, his mouth meets yours with a soft move before opening his eyes.

“You on time to run away”. He whispers with a hoarse and deep tone of voice.

“You too”. You chuckle sinking your face under his chin.

“I love you, darling”.

“I love you more, Jackie boy”.

So close with you on my lips, touch noses, feeling your breath. Push your heart and pull away. Be my summer in a winter day love. I can't see one thing wrong between the both of us. Be mine, anytime.

When the door rings, you're ready to start with the preparatives at the clubhouse, where your wedding dress waits for you. But before you can go with your girls, Jax grabs your wrist to pull you into him with that dearly smile on his lips that shakes your legs.

“Goodbye, miss (Y/L/N). I will see you again calling yourself ‘Teller’”. He says very proud, peeking your lips with short kisses.

“That sounds amazing”. You mutter against his lips, surrounding his neck with both arms tangled on.

“I can't wait to be married”. Putting away a soft tuft of your hair, he leans forward to kiss your forehead with all the love he carries on his chest.

“Then, hurry. I'm the one who has to be late, remember?”

Fast forward a couple years, grown up in the place that we live. Make love, then we fight, and laugh 'cause it was only meant to be for one night, baby. I guess we can't control what's just not up to us.

You're sitting on a stool in Jax dorms, while Laila does your hair. A beautiful braid decorated with white flowers on it. Watching the long white silk dress hanging from the top of the bathroom door, you can't help but think about the day you met. It was like fifteen years ago, in the kinder garden. Actually, it was really cute because there were some children trying to take off from you a teddy bear, because apparently you were too old to play with him. And Jax appeared from nowhere, followed by Opie. You still laugh because of the looks on their faces.

“That's ready, honey. Do you wanna see it?” Layla asks you while you stand up, straight to hug her.

“It isn't necessary. I would trust you my life”. You just say, before being interrupted by Gemma.

“Look at you…” She said almost in tears, opening and closing the door as fast as she can, to hold you into her arms. “You're going to be the most beautiful Old Lady ever…”

“Do you think that… Jax would like it?”

“Of course he will, sweetheart”.

Every time I see you, baby, I get lost. If I'm dreaming, baby, please don't wake me up. Every night I'm with you, I fall more in love. Now I'm laying by your side and everything feels right since you came along.

The front yard of Teller-Morrow is completely changed. The main door is closed and covered, so you will have the intimacy you deserve. Maybe it isn't the most romantic place on earth, but it's the one where you grow up with Jax and your families. There's a big flowers arch as an altar, and the alley to it it's in the middle of the guests. You will have to walk over a red carpet as if you were a star, because Tig said so.

When the door of the clubhouse gets opened and your bridesmaids step out from it, the soft music floods the crowded yard. The girls positioned themselves at the right of Jackson, waiting impatiently on the altar with Opie putting well on his tie and the flower on the lapel. But as soon as your future husband watches you walk towards him, grabbed to your father's arm, he breaks into tears. You can hear some chuckles, some kindly whispers, and Jax laughing between a soft cry, so proud of what he is seeing.

Oh, you know I've been alone for quite a while. Haven't I? I thought I knew it all, found love, but I was wrong more times than enough. But since you came along…

“When I met you, fifteen years ago… I promised you that I would protect you with my life”. He has to do a brief pause, freeing your hands to clear his tears with the back of them. “You made me a better man. You took care of me, loved me unconditionally, without asking anything back. You have been my best friend since ever, my counselor, my anchor to keep floating, and I can't wait to continue my life with you, (Y/N). I can't wait to have a family with you. To come back home everyday and fall asleep with you between my arms. I will never love anyone like I love you. And I want to show it to you every single second for the rest of my life, 'cause I'm the luckiest man on earth. You're kind, attentive, motivating, honest, careful, loyal. You are perfect for me, and I couldn't imagine a day without you”.

Leaning forward, Jackson kisses your cheek, taking the advantage to clean his tears with your fingers. You know everything that he thinks about you, but these words just make it real. For a second, you thought you were dreaming. That the wedding was a dream and that you would wake up before kissing him again. But there you are, stunning and making your future husband running out of air with a charming smile.

“I couldn't ask for a better way to spend my life, than doing it by your side, Jackson. You are the most intelligent and courageous man I have ever met. Your sense of… keeping close your family, your brothers, your friends… That's what makes the difference. You put their welfare before your own, and that makes you a good man. If your father would be here, he would be proud of who you are and of who you are becoming”. John always loved you like his own daughter, and he used to say that Jax and you would end up married. But you two always used to laugh about the idea, until three years ago when you got badly drunk. And a one-night-stand and an apparently big mistake, made real his prophecy. “Your father told me once that we were made for each other, destined to meet us, destined to protect each other, destined to respect each other. Destined to love each other. Your father was the wisest man I have ever met, even if I thought that he was wrong. And I can't wait to start calling you ‘my husband, ‘my family’ for the rest of my life”.

I'm thinking, baby, you are bringing out a different kind of me. There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free fallin' all in. You fell for men who weren't how they appear. Trapped up on a tightrope now we're here, we're free, fallin' all in you.

It's supposed that you should put the golden ring in each other's finger, but Chibs is crying so deep that he can't even say a single word, making the guests laugh when Bobby pushes him out of the altar.

“Fucking scottish… Or you're drunk, or you're crying”. He mumbles rolling his eyes, before grabbing the wedding rings from Opie's hands.

“I saw him once crying and drinking”. Jackson chuckles, infecting your families there.

“Here we go, brother”. Opie narrows his shoulders, before placing himself with the groomsmen behind him.

“I, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, take you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. Putting in your shaky finger the ring, with his oceanic eyes on yours, you're trying to contain the tears you have been hiding since you woke up on your shared bed.

“I, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), take you, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. You can't help but laugh softly when you notice that he's more nervous than you, holding his hand to put in the wedding ring.

“Aye, ye can kiss yer wife, kid”. Kicking out Bobby's ass, Chibs appears again cleaning his tears. “I haven' been five month practicing ti not say these words”.

Fallin' all in you.

You can assure that his lips are softer than never, with your fingers tangled with his, kissing him under the cheerings of everyone around you two. Jax can't help but hug you. Tightly, dearly.

“I will always love you”. He mutters with a broken voice, intertwining your fingers in his scalp to push him closer.

“Not even death will set us part, Jax”.

✨ Tag list:

@starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @ottosuricato @agirllovespasta

If you want to be tagged, send me a message!

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

05/02/2021

I really don’t think I’m ever going to understand women. Actually, no, scratch that. I don’t even understand why men do the things they do half the time... everybody’s got equal opportunity when it comes to baffling me. There’s no discrimination when it comes to my social autism lol. I’ll just never understand people in general I guess.

My ex had this friend that she only ever introduced me to once. It was at this greasy bar and this friend was drunk af. First thing she says to me is “you’re a lot cuter in your pictures” - I wanted desperately to reply with “you’re a lot thinner in yours” but I bit my tongue rather than start a bunch of drama. But that was the only interaction I ever had with her until things ended between my ex and I. Then within days of that this friend of hers suddenly decides to send me a friend request on Facebook. I ignored it but then she started messaging me, so I just asked her point-blank what she wants since she’s her friend not mine. She tells me that she thinks she got played by her just like I did. Then she starts asking me to hangout, and this went on for weeks until she realized she was wasting her time. But like, why? What possible motive does she have for doing that? Is she trying to make her friend jealous? Is she jealous of her friend? Is she trying to start some kinda drama? What could she possibly want from me? And why the hell would I have any interest in hanging out with her after our introduction? And why would she have any interest in hanging out with me? Was I only ugly because I was seeing her friend? Lol. Confusing. And annoying.

Then she messages me again out of the blue the other night – saying that my ex moved in with her boyfriend and that he’s soooooo ugly. Like, K? Again, why tf tell me that? I’ve told her already that I have nothing but respect for her - that I wish her the best and aren’t interested in talking shit behind her back so why would she try to like bait me into talking shit about her or something? I got nothing to say about her to anyone, least of all her friends. Why would I even care if she thinks he’s ugly? Is she trying to make me feel better or something? Is she jealous? Does she only think he’s ugly because he’s dating her, just like she once thought I was ugly? Confusing. And annoying.

I don’t understand why she even thinks I want to be reminded of her and I really wish she had stopped short of telling me that she’s now driving the car she bought without a driver’s licence and thus no insurance coverage. She originally had bought it and registered it to her mother who then got it insured under her licence, ostensibly so that her mom could drive her to and from work and such instead of relying on others for rides. I remember telling her that I hope that’s all she uses it for until she gets her own licence because if she gets caught driving illegally it’s going to cause way more problems than it’s worth – the fine for not having insurance coverage alone is worth double, maybe even triple, what she paid for the car lol. I thought she was smart enough to understand that, and she assured me she wouldn’t take such a pointless risk because as she herself said it would cause more problems in the long run than it’s worth. But now her friends telling me all that common sense was tossed out the window and she’s now decided she can do whatever the hell she wants and the consequences be damned lol. I really thought she was better than that - that she wouldn’t make such immature, short-sighted decisions. But now it’s stuck in the back of my mind as just another thing to worry about. I hope she at least drives sensibly and avoids busy roads, because god forbid she get into an accident with no licence or insurance. She’s never run afoul of law like that before, so she’d be in for a rude awakening if she did now. I hope she never gets a taste of just how traumatic it can be.

But why do I even care? Or, more accurately, why do I still care?

If anything I should just be mixture of angry and relieved because she had blamed me for “ruining her driving experience” by letting her talk me into allowing her to drive while she was high as a kite that traumatic night we had that horribly bad trip on M. She told me that she can’t drive without getting flashbacks to it, and that she was worried that she’d never be able to get a drivers licence or enjoy driving because of it. And that’s guilt I’ve carried in my heart for so long now. She put that burden on me and made me hate myself just a little more because of it – and now I find out that it was BS. Not only is she perfectly fine driving, she’s perfectly fine doing it completely illegally. She thinks she’s so grown up driving around in her car like a proper adult meanwhile she’s completely skipped the growing up part and is as immature and reckless as ever.

And yet I still feel guilty for some reason.

[flirting-with-psychology]

surveys by emptyliketheocean

Brand of cigarettes you smoke? I don’t smoke

Should you be trusted with a person’s life? Nooope I’m clumsy as shit and idk how to take care of people

How’s your life in general? Frustrating

Have you ever put lipstick on anything besides lips? Not sure

Have you ever picked a fight you knew you would lose? Not really. Maybe on the internet

What’s something you think is crazy about the world? Capitalism

What do you think about religion? I don’t believe in it and while I support people being able to have their own beliefs, I think on a large scale it causes a lot of problems

What about when religion causes violence? That’s what I mean

What color is one of your hats? I have a lot of hats. One is purple

How do you feel? Discouraged

Have you ever gotten in trouble for laughing? I’ve gotten some dirty looks for laughing at an inappropriate time

Something that makes you smile: That post about getting your clothes fresh out of the oven

What do you think about surveys with lyrics as the title? I don’t care, I probably don’t know them

Do you have any clothes with small holes in them? Yes

Do you think the way you live is really okay? No, it sucks

Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No

Have you ever felt fire? I’m sure I’ve burned myself at some point

Have you ever seen a person light themselves on fire? No

Have you ever used crutches when you didn’t need them? I’ve played around with them when my friends had them

If you had 15 beers you would be: Drunk af and would probably have to pee really bad

Are you as bored as I am? Probably

Why are you taking this survey? To procrastinate

What would you say if a person asked you why your face was so messed up? I’d be sad

What would you do if your first love asked you back out? It would be awkward now because I have a boyfriend

What’s your home life like? Fine but I hate having to live with my dad

Do you have a talent that you don’t do anything with? Yes

Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yes

What do you think about your mom? She’s nice but can be overbearing

What do you think about your dad? He’s cool but can be annoying

Which parent do you respect the most? Both for different things

Is there anything someone could lie to you about that you couldn’t forgive? I’m not very forgiving about lying in general

Who do you love unconditionally? My parents and my best friend

Pick an element. Neon

Have you ever wasted a great amount of time and felt horrible about it? Yes. Have I learned? No

What is something that’s been said about you that isn’t true? In middle school someone spread a rumor that I stuffed my bra

Who do you want with you when you’re scared? My boyfriend

Know any bands that not many people have heard of? Only marching bands

Do you have any advice for people in general? Get the vaccine

What’s something you like to do in the summer? Go swimming and go to the renaissance festival

What’s something you like to do in the winter? Go ice skating

What do you think about marijuana? I don’t personally like it that much

Do you wish anyone death? No

Have you ever felt like you weren’t getting anywhere with a person? Yes

What do you feel for the person you first fell in love with? Idk, I’d probably still get flustered around them

Where are you? At my boyfriend’s house

Are you waiting for something? To find a job and to be done with the pandemic

Who is someone you just think has a hole in their brain? Republicans

A candy you like? Butterfingers

Does any part of your body hurt at the moment? No

Explain how you got the last bruise you had. I don’t remember Are you tired? Not really

Explain how you got a scar you have. I ran face first into a brick planter when I was a kid playing cat and dog with my neighbor

Have you ever owned anything illegal? Bootleg musicals (haven’t filmed them, just have some saved on my computer). Also rocks I wasn’t supposed to take from parks

What do you dream about? Random stuff

Do you ever daydream? Yes, all the time

How do you feel about vegetarians? They can be annoying

A fruit you like: Blueberries

Have you ever seen a person eat a bug? No

Something you worry about too much: My career

How do you feel about smoking? I don’t like it

If you had to move out of state, where would you go? Maybe Boston or LA (if I could afford it)

What is your favorite vampire-related movie? Idk, maybe twilight I guess? I haven’t seen that many

Is there a person you keep coming back to? In my head

If you’re listening to music…Give me a lyric from the song you’re listening to. I’m not

[riverboundao3ff]

Riverbound, Chapter 5

You are THE GUARDIAN, and you are currently munching on the most delicious bowl of grubflakes to have ever existed.

You have seen many things over the course of your travels, met all kinds of people and befriended them, been to places most could never even dream of. Space, time, and an entire universe have surrendered to your whim. The heart of an eldritch sun flowed through your veins not too long ago, and you through it.

And yet, you have still to encounter anything as satisfying as a good breakfast.

Yesterday was mostly spent sleeping, only waking up to eat a couple of times and talk to Daraya and her friends. Bronya had also brought Karako with her when she came to check in on you, which had been the highlight of your night. Like Wanshi, he had noticeably grown, and now had a couple of inches on you. There was a new depth to his gaze that had come with the passage of time. He almost looked like that… entity you and Feferi spoke to at her palace.

It was a little unnerving at first, but it had soon become apparent that this boy was still the same young clown you nearly threw hands with seadwellers for. He was still Karako.

That much was obvious as you watch him and Wanshi plot out the next chapter of her Soldier Purrbeasts fanfiction, with Wanshi arguing that Lionstar of ShadeCaste needs to be killed off and Karako drawing out Lionstar eating a bunch of other purrbeasts. It’s very detailed and anatomically correct. You wonder how Bronya even let those books into the caverns, and then you remember reading Warriors as a kid on Earth. Those cute illustrations of cats running around in the woods on all of the covers did a great job of hiding the gorefest that raged within.

Sitting next to you on the couch is Daraya, typing away furiously on her palmhusk, and Lanque, who is trying to judge how well your ribs are healing by poking your side.

You dodge another perfectly manicured claw in time to see Daraya receive another text from Tyzias, saying that she and the others would be at the bottom of the mountain in an hour or so. “Tell her I said hi!”

“You’ll see her pretty soon,” Daraya says, a little confused.

“Yeah, but I’m excited-ow! Lanque, quit it!”

“I’m feeling for the break.”

“You’re gonna be feeling my fist up your flat ass if you don’t stop.”

“They said a bad word!” Wanshi yells.

You freeze. Your mind races for a solution that doesn’t involve Bronya reaming you out for cussing in front of the kids. “If you don’t tattle on me you can say a bad word too.”

Her big black eyes widen. “Really?”

“Really.”

“‘Cause Lanque taught me a really good one!”

“I taught you nothing of the sort, young lady,” Lanque growls, slapping a hand over your mouth to shut you up. You contemplate licking it just to see how he would react. Better yet, you could throw your empty bowl at his head and see how thick troll skulls really are.

Wanshi takes control of the situation by hopping up to you and leaning into your ear. “Lususfucker.”

You squeal into Lanque’s palm, and Daraya’s jaw drops. Even Karako looks impressed.

“Wanshi Adyata!” Lanque scolds, but the corners of his eyes lift in such a way that tells you he’s not actually angry. You wiggle out of his grasp and stand, taking a couple of slow breaths to test the pain. It’s still sore AF in there, but as long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. You’ve had a lot worse for a lot longer.

Taking your bowl and putting in the sink by the bathroom, you turn to your friends and do your best impression of having your shit together. “Alright, so I know it’s only like a fifteen minute walk down to the bottom of the mountain, but I’m crippled so I say we head out early.”

“Bronya won’t be here to pick up Wanshi and Karako for an hour,” Lanque says, tapping the armrest he’s leaning on.

“They could come with us. Tyzias is bringing Tirona, she’s around their age,” Daraya points out.

“Won’t Bronya be mad?” you ask warily. The last thing you want to do is drag her student and her adopted clown son into a possible Situation™. It’s not like you’re going out tonight looking for trouble, but this is Alternia.

Lanque considers it, and then leaps to his feet with a smirk. “Nah. I’ll be coming with you guys, and I’ve taken the children out plenty of times.”

“Bronya didn’t-” Daraya begins to say, huffing in amusement, but Lanque cuts her off with a dramatic twirl of his suit jacket that slaps her in the face with a perfectly pressed sleeve.

“Daraya, dear, if I don’t get out of these godforsaken caves soon I might actually lose my mind. Wanshi, Karako! Come, we’re going on an adventure.”

You watch with a smile as the kids look up with sparkling eyes and instantly abandon their project to scramble over to Lanque. Daraya glares up at the older jade, nose still scrunched up from being smacked, but finally heaves herself upright to follow. You join her as the five of you head out the door and bump your shoulder against hers. She must have grown a little as well, because the top of your head now barely reaches her jawline.

The stairs are kind of a bitch, but you persevere long enough to get to the main level of the caverns. Your ribs are throwing a Karkat-worthy bitchfit, though, so when Lanque halts the group at the end of the corridor for some reason you don’t complain.

“What?” Daraya mutters, impatient.

“Hush. Just because we can leave the caverns doesn’t mean we’re supposed to, and Bronya is supervising tonight’s shift. Do you want to explain to her who we’re going to meet?” he shoots back.

There’s something in his voice that tells you there’s more to this than either of them are letting on. You want to ask them what’s up, but even Wanshi and Karako are silent, so you keep your mouth shut and trot after Lanque. Teleporting is sounding more and more appealing by the second, but you know you’re still a little high from the painkillers Lynera gave you before she left for work. You learned the hard way that teleporting while drunk/high/otherwise incapacitated is a bad idea, like the time when you and Lanque had to ditch a party because the drones showed up and you, in a panic, zapped the both of you right into a river outside of Thrashthrust. That was the night you also discovered that landdwelling trolls are notoriously poor swimmers.

The next twenty minutes are spent dodging from building to building like you’re a group of spies trying to escape the government. It’s fun at first, but when Daraya has to yank you down behind a garbage bin to avoid being seen by a group of girls on their way to class, you wonder how often these trolls have to resort to sneaking around just for a glimpse of freedom. How many jades had never even had a friend that wasn’t of their own caste? How many haven’t seen the stars in the night sky, felt the wind in their hair, had the opportunity to pursue something they chose for themselves instead of being thrown into a life entirely dedicated to others?

Kids raising kids. That’s what this is.

The world outside of the caverns is cruel, devoid of justice and mercy for even those whose blood ran cold in their veins. But when you look at it, really look, the caverns aren’t much better. It’s a prison with bioluminescent cells.

You focus on keeping up with Daraya so you don’t get even more pissed off than you already are. Being angry would have to wait. Right now, you’re going to meet your friends.

… This isn’t the way to the main entrance, though? Where are you guys going?

Lanque answers your question by leading the way down an offshoot behind what you think is a storage unit. No more fungi grows to light the way, so you simply trust him to know where to go. There aren't many other options. In less than a minute it’s pitch black and strangely damp, and the temperature has dropped far enough to make you wish you’d brought that nice jacket Vriska gave you.

“This is how I get out,” Lanque whispers. You hear his footsteps stop, so you stop as well. “It’s a bit of a climb, but it’s the fastest way to the surface besides the main entrance.”

Your heart sinks at the word climb. Also, you can’t see balls. “I’m assuming there’s another tunnel? I'm as good as blind down here.”

“You seriously can’t see? How is your species still alive?” Lanque chuckles.

“Because we’re diurnal, pretty boy. We do our business with the light of our nice, not-lethal sun shining down on our backs. And just because I can’t see doesn’t mean I can’t do anything.” To prove your point, you take a careful step forward and feel for the walls of the tunnel. It’s narrow, and you can already feel the rock sloping up to the surface.

How the hell does Terezi do this?

You feel the challenging spark of Lanque’s gaze on the back of your neck. Nice Boy hours were over, it seemed. Time to return to the regularly scheduled programming of roasting each other until he let you in behind those meticulously maintained emotional walls for a moment or two, or you doing something especially stupid to spite him.

With one foot in front of the other, you lead the way into the darkness.

Fifty steps in and you can tell that if you hadn’t taken the painkillers earlier you’d be on the ground crying. One hundred steps in you trip and almost eat shit. One-hundred and fifty steps, Lanque is right up in your business, trying to make you go faster.

Keyword being trying. You wait until he’s got one foot up on the rock slab you’re standing on and pretend to trip again. He grunts and grabs the walls for support as you slam back into him, using the weight of your frankly magnificent ass to knock him off balance.

“My bad, sorry,” you tell the blackness.

“Do I need to carry you? Because I will carry you. Like a little wiggler.”

“No, thank you. You can wait for the poor injured alien without self-combusting for a little while longer. Unless… Daraya? Kids? How are you guys holding up?” you call back.

“We’re good! Take all the time you need!” Wanshi announces, giggling.

“Yeah, dude. Don’t push yourself,” Daraya adds.

“Honk!”

Lanque growls, and you grin.

Luckily, he doesn’t have the time to come up with a plan for revenge when Wanshi yells that she can see the end. You can’t see anything for another half-minute or so, but when you do you, moonlight illuminates the bend in the tunnel you’re rounding like a searchlight. The slope flattens out, much to the relief of your aching legs.

The secret exit leads out underneath some huge tree you have no name for, shielded from sight by a thick layer of roots that twist all over the place. You squeeze through an opening in the mess and hop aside to let Wanshi and Karako through. Lanque hauls himself up and over through a bigger hole above you, and Daraya does the same.

You take a moment to suck in fresh air. The trolls come to stand beside you, and together you all look out towards Thrashthrust. Two moons hang low in the sky, lighting up the planet below in shades of pink and green.

It’s beautiful, but you know the kinds of danger that beauty can hide.

Karako is the first one to hop off the ledge, with Wanshi close behind. You opt to carefully shimmy down as far as you can before sliding to the forest floor. You’re left breathless nonetheless as the impact sends stabs of pain through your torso, but you shake it off and follow the kids. Daraya and Lanque come up on either side of you to lend you support.

“I’m fine, guys, really,” you protest.

“I saw that flinch,” Daraya mutters. “Besides, if we show up with you limping all over the place the teals will have my ass.”

“You just want to impress Tyzias,” Lanque snickers.

Daraya hisses like a feral cat, and you turn to her, interest peaked. “Wait. You and Tyzias?”

“No! We’re just friends!” she snarls, swatting at Lanque.

Lanque has a knowing grin on his face, though, and he wraps an arm around your waist to lean down to your level. “They’re so pale it’s disgusting.”

You look back to a green-faced Daraya and wiggle your eyebrows. Daraya gives you and Lanque the finger and stomps ahead to catch up with the kids.

“We gotta set them up,” you tell Lanque. “How far along are they?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

You want to demand more information than that, but then Wanshi calls out a greeting from ahead. Somebody farther down the path answers.

“What’s with you and good timing?” you ask, your heart rising to your throat. Despite your ribs you quicken the pace, and when you don’t feel like you’re going to pass out you break into a jog.

“Oh, so now you want to hurry it up?” Lanque snarks, but right now you’re more interested in seeing your friends again than coming up with a good comeback.

You follow the path as it turns, and boom, there they are.

Karako, Wanshi, and Tirona are all saying hi and introducing themselves, Daraya and Tyzias are hugging each other (Oh, worm?), and Stelsa and Tagora are standing back like proud parents, even if good old Gor-Gor looks a bit scandalized by all the pale stuff going on.

It’s Stelsa who sees you first. Her hands fly up to cover her mouth and she squeals in delight. Tagora jumps at the noise and turns to see what she’s looking at before breaking out in the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on him, not the customer-service smile that’s all fangs but with his eyes as well.

You manage to haul your crippled ass over to them in time for Tyzias to pull away from Daraya, spot you, and pull you into a desperate but careful embrace. Daraya must have told her about your injuries, which is great because you don’t think you would have survived a whole gang of teals jumping on you all at once.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she croaks. “Fuck, we searched everywhere for you but you were gone and I thought you died somewhere all alone-”

You squeeze her tighter. “Hey, hey. I’m alive. I’m back.”

She sniffles and pulls back in time for Stelsa to wrap up the two of you in her ridiculously buff arms. Not for the first time, you can’t believe how much your friends missed you. It makes you feel so whole to know that you have so many people who care about you, and at the same time you’re crushed with the guilt of knowing that they all thought you were dead. Damn.

“Please, people, not in front of the children,” you hear Tagora complain, but his voice is a little thicker with emotion than you remember it being. You turn and stick your tongue out at him.

“What about me?” A frantic hand smacks your arm. “Hello? Gimme a hug, alien!”

“Hi, Tirona,” you laugh, reaching out behind you to bring her into the group. She squeaks in protest before letting it happen.

“Better,” she mumbles into your hoodie. You graciously pretend you don’t see her using it to wipe away a stray tear.

“Daraya told us everything and I could hardly believe it, it all sounds so… it sounds too much,” Stelsa says, wrapping her arms around herself. “Before all of this the world was so much smaller, and now you’re back because you escaped from a bunch of gods!”

“That’s the gist of it, yeah,” you agree.

Tagora pats your shoulder, which you know is his version of a hug. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. We’re just glad to have you back in one piece.”

Doc Scratch’s calm voice agrees somewhere in the back of your memories, overlaid by Dirk’s- no, not the goofy, lonely young boy you helped feel cared for, the other one-! “Thanks, Gor-Gor. I’m glad to be back, too.”

“Well, there is one thing I hope you’re willing to share,” Tyzias begins hesitantly. “Daraya said something about you being able to do some… interesting stuff. For… ah, screw it. We all know why we’re here.”

You meet her sharp, tired eyes. “What’s that?”

“We’re rebels.”

All of the trolls turn to glare at Lanque.

The tall jadeblood just shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. “What? It needs saying. Words are powerful, you know.”

“Yes they are, Bombyx, which is why you need to be more careful with them,” Tyzias drones.

“I can’t believe you guys are dragging me into this,” Tirona whines.

Tagora gives her a withering look. “Hey, you wanted to come, kid.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I wanted to see my friend-!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” You throw your hands out in a hold up motion. Your mind frantically replays what the fuck just happened. “You guys are saying that all of you are rebels?”

“Don’t say it out loud!” Tirona stage-whispers, ears flattening against her head.

Daraya sighs and comes up to pat your shoulder. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.”

She and Tyzias look at each other, seemingly come to a silent agreement, and then look back to you.

“You might wanna sit down for this,” says Tyzias.

[ofhal]

jacob elordi. cis male. he/him.  ／  hal zaleski just pulled up blasting fame is for assholes by hoodie allen  — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - two year old nhl player, i’ve heard they’re really crass, but that they make up for it by being so easygoing. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say spitting blood, wearing a hoodie no matter the outside temperature, and skating after hours in an empty rink . here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! ( sam, 23, est, she/her )

aw shit here we go again hello friends ! it is i, sam. i also write elvie ( @ofelvie​ ) and in a shocking turn of events, i’m back on my bullshit so here’s hal again !

i. stats

𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖: nathan harold zaleski

𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕗𝕖𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤: hal, zed, nate to family

𝕙𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕠𝕨𝕟: chapais, quebec, canada

𝕕𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙: december 31st, 1997

𝕫𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕒𝕔: capricorn

𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟: heterosexual

𝕠𝕔𝕔𝕦𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟: professional ice hockey player

𝕡𝕠𝕤. 𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕥𝕤: easygoing, protective, magnanimous.

𝕟𝕖𝕘. 𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕥𝕤: crass, rumbustious, naive.

ii. history

nathan harold "hal" zaleski was born and raised in chapais, a small community in freezing cold quebec with a population of just over 1600 people. his father owns a used car dealership while his mother stayed home with their ten kids. yes, you read that correctly: ten kids, all boys. their ages range from the eldest currently being in their mid - thirties to the youngest who just recently turned five years old. hal is one of the middle children and he has nine brothers.

experienced a typical small town upbringing. the family didn't have a lot of money, and his childhood memories are of hand - me - downs with patches sewn over the holes, sharing toys, never eating out, and being homeschooled by his mom along with all of his brothers. oh, and of course — hockey.

hal learned how to skate before he learned how to walk. there was a lake in their backyard that was usually frozen over for ten months out of the year, and his dad is a lifelong habs fan, so hal's been playing hockey for as long as he can remember. more than simply having a natural talent for it, he's always loved it.

being as good as he is, he got a lot of attention once he started playing junior hockey in the qmjhl go huskies. even though he had no other life plans because he has no other skills he wasn't really expecting it to take him anywhere, but he got drafted into the nhl when he was just eighteen and it turned out to be a bigger deal than he ever could have anticipated because he was a first round draft pick ( probably first or second overall ). sent right from the junior team he grew up with to the show was nerve - wracking af a dream come true. he was initially with the edmonton oilers and there was a lot of media and attention and buzz all surrounding him, but miraculously hal didn't choke.

being the rail - thin teenage rookie with a messy mop of hair, people were at first surprised that he managed to hold his own as well as he did, but soon enough his stellar performance ( and his endearing, humble demeanor off the ice ) managed to charm fans. he won the calder trophy after his first year on the ice.

something else that happened when he was eighteen: he got engaged. he was in love! he thought he was ready but, well...he was eighteen. she said yes to his proposal because she was swept up in their romance and the grandness of the gesture, but once reality set in ( and it did so quickly ), she broke things off with him. 

following his second year of professional hockey he was signed to the la kings on an 8 year, 12.5 mil / year contract do the math because he sure didn’t, of which he is currently on his second year. he got a HUGE lucrative deal and he's still a fan favorite, still delivering consistently good performances from game to game, won the norris trophy, earned a couple all - star titles, and rumor has it he’s a shoe - in to be promoted to alternate captain next season.

iii. extras

hal is the primary right defenceman for the los angeles kings hockey team, #74.

his entire personality is basically: golden retriever in a backwards snapback.

six foot five, 190 lbs...a Big Guy.

his first language is actually quebecois, aka canadian french. however, he doesn't use it much except for when he's at home with his family and aside from a slight accent on some words, most people probably aren't even able to tell that english is not his first language.

even though he's technically a middle child, his big brother instincts are STRONG and he's very protective of the people he cares about. he's the sort of friend who can be counted on to answer the phone at 2am and pick up a drunk pal who needs a ride even though he has to be up early the next morning.

he's LOADED RICH but aside from living in a nice penthouse apartment he doesn't flaunt it at all. he's wearing hoodies and sweats most of the time.

OH and he’s griffin young’s roommate. they’re beer bros & it’s cute and wholesome.

GREAT friend, TERRIBLE boyfriend. he's not a cheater and he's not a jerk not on purpose anyway, but hockey comes first all the time. ex girlfriend is a very generous term for most of the people he was once in relationships with because he usually doesn't get more than three or four dates out of someone before he gets dumped for never shutting off about hockey or skipping one or two or five dates to get in another few hours of practice.

he's ambidextrous!

once fought two blackhawks at once and won.

it’s certainly possible to piss him off but he’s not the type to hold grudges so he doesn’t tend to stay angry for long, even if he doesn’t get an apology. for those who realize this and it’s not hard to figure out tbh it can kinda make him a biiiit of a doormat.

when smash mouth said "i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed" ? hal felt that.

iv. wanted connections

his ex fiance !!!! * i’ll probably submit as a wc on the main

best friend, probably a fellow Dudebro™ but it’s a wholesome friendship.

other, non - Dudebro™ best friend for Balance

friends

brother / sister type of relationship

former friends or enemies even though idek HOW that would happen

exes - relationships, hook ups, one night stands, idk all of that stuff. most of his exes probably hate him.

( these are just ideas and i’m trash at coming up with stuff, so please don’t feel limited by what’s listed here. )

[flowerpowell]

The Boy Next Door (Colt x MC / Logan x MC ???)

PART ELEVEN

A/N: I dont even know why I’m putting Logan x MC in the title at this point lol. Anyway, I thought I needed a break from writing this but I got so many sweet af messages from some of you that I wanted to continue it. Thank you so much! I’d love to hear your feedback cause it motives me to write more! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: PG-18 (nothing explicit but just in case)

Word count: 1375

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @desiree-0816 @walkerduchess @liamzigmichael4ever @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @hellomynameisdevi @client-327 @badchoicesposts @blackcatkita @pixel-thirsty @drakeismyweakness @donutsgirl36 @miss-raleigh-carrera @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @lovemychoices @mrskaneko 

“We... what?”

“Never had sex. Slept together. Hooked up. Fu--”

“Hold up,” Ellie stopped him, “hold up.”

Ellie walked over to Colt’s bed and sat down, trying to calm down. She took a few deep breaths while Colt was studying her.

“When I asked you about that night, you said I enjoyed myself,” she blushed at the memory. “You said I was good as for a first-timer. You made me believe we did sleep together. You lied!”

“I lied,” he nodded and Ellie wanted to punch him.

“But... why?” She was confused. She didn’t understand. Nothing made sense. Nothing.

“Ellie... just drop it, okay? I lied, I’m bad person blah blah blah. You’re not pregnant with my child so go celebrate.” He opened the door for her to leave.

“No.”

“What?” He turned to her confused.

“I’m not leaving this room until you explain why you lied.”

“Ellie...” Colt ran his hand through his hair.

“I’m listening.”

“I just,” he sighed, “I know it didn’t mean anything to you and I knew you got back with Logan right away. You seemed like you didn’t care so I wanted to hurt you the way it hurt me. Your indifference, I mean. So I made you believe we did it, just so you could regret it and feel awful. I know it was immature but I didn’t want to be the only one who felt bad,” he shrugged and turned away from her as if ashamed of his own confession. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not stupid,” Ellie got up and slowly approached him. “I-I understand. I actually thought you didn’t care. When I woke up alone and you were gone I thought you left me... again.”

“I never,” he turned to her only to take a step back when he realized how close they were, “I never left you. I just... I needed to think. I’ve seen you and Logan, how you act around each other, how you always wrap your arms around him, how he kisses your forehead. I wanted that too. But I know I couldn’t have it. And when I saw you and Logan kissing... I knew I wouldn’t ever have it. That’s just the way it is.”

“Colt... I thought you regretted it and that’s why you left.”

“I didn’t... I thought you regretted it.”

“I didn’t.” Her confession must have surprised him because his eyes widened as he turned to lock his eyes with hers. She chuckled. “I regretted doing it because I was mad at Logan. But I didn’t regret doing it with you. If that makes sense.”

He sat quiet as if thinking about what she said before she broke the silence again.

“Colt? What exactly happened then? If we hadn’t done it... why was I naked in your bed?” She asked when she realized something. Colt Kaneko saw me naked. Oh my gosh.

“We kissed,” he shrugged, “you tried to kiss me everywhere possible. Before we made it onto my bed, you already ripped all of your clothes and you took off mine.”

“You let me undress you??? Why didn’t you stop me??” She asked trying to cover her extremely red cheeks.

“Why would I? It was entertaining.”

Well, that’s embarrassing.

“So why exactly we didn’t...?”

“You weren’t completely sober, you know? And besides, at some point, you started crying. And I just couldn’t. I’m not a monster,” he added quietly. “So I just tried to calm you down as you cried yourself to sleep. And that’s the whole story.”

I don’t know what’s worse... The fact that Colt saw me naked or the fact that I was too drunk to remember him naked.

“Colt, I am so, so sorry, I... I can find a new apartement and move out and gosh, I can’t even, I--” She started hyperventilating. I dragged Colt to his bedroom. I ripped my clothes off. I undressed Colt. When we were making out I started crying like a baby. That’s it. I’m moving to Alaska. Or Australia. Or Cordonia. No one ever heard of Cordonia, I’ll be safe there.

“Hey, Ellie, Ellie. It’s okay. You were drunk and missing Logan, s’all good.”

“No I-- I don’t know... I just... Logan and I and then you and I--”she mumbled.

“Ellie. It’s okay. Nothing happened.”

“Everything happened,” she was almost crying. “Colt, do you have feelings for me?”

Gosh, woman, when will you stop embarrassing yourself. I wonder how much the tickets to Cordonia are...

“Ellie...”

“I just... I don’t know, sometimes I feel like you like me and then sometimes you’re a jerk again and I don’t know.”

“I don’t hate you, okay?” he turned his face away from her.

“But do you like me?”

Stoooop, Ellie, stooooop for crying out loud!!!

Cordonia sounds more and more amazing with every second!

“I don’t have any feelings. Not just for you, I mean, I don’t have any feelings. I don’t know how to like someone and how to care for someone. So there’s your answer. Take it or leave it.”

“But...”

Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!

“I’ll take it,” she gulped before extending her hand for him to shake. “Friends again?”

“Geez, if you make us wear friendship bracelets I’m kicking you out,” he rolled his eyes and shook her hand. She shoved him playfully and he laughed.

She felt so much better. She wasn’t pregnant, she never slept with Colt so she still could experience her first time and Colt and her were on good terms again.

Life’s pretty cool.

~~~~

Life’s awful.

Ellie was running to her class, almost late because Logan didn’t wake her up. He always kissed her goodbye and Ellie knew it was time to get up. Not today, though. He was long gone when she rolled out of bed and realized she should have got up half an hour earlier.

Even though Ellie’s sickness was pretty much gone, which only proved how much stress affected her, she still felt sick when Logan was nearby. She really needed to tell him soon.

But soon wasn’t today.

On the other hand, her relations with Colt were better than ever. They joked together, watched movies together when Logan worked, and Colt even smiled at her once or twice.

Ok, maybe life isn’t THAT awful.

She was almost out of breath when she ran into the university hall and collided with someone. One of the professors, she assumed.

“Oof, I’m so sorry!” she kneeled down to collect the papers that fell out of the professor’s hand.

“It’s okay, you probably have classes with Prof. Ashton, he hates latecommers,” the woman smiled warmly at her.

So not all professors are bad here! Huh.

“I actually do! I overslept a little,” she admitted and the woman nodded.

“I understand. I’m actually late too and it’s my first day working here. If you show me where’s the dean’s office I promise I’ll write Mr Ashton a note saying it was my fault you were late,” she winked at her. Ellie laughed.

“I’d appreciate that! Where did you work before?” she asked when they were walking down the stairs to the dean’s office.

“At Cambridge, in England. But I graduated from here actually. This is my hometown and I’m so happy to be back.”

“Cambridge? Wow, my boyfriend wants me to go to London with him and Cambridge was on my list of universities I could transfer to.”

“Really? I have many friends there, if you’re interested I could help you with teh paperwork.”

Ellie looked at the woman wondering whether it would be too inappropriate to hug her in the middle of the hall. She was the best professor Ellie ever met and she started wondering if she would ever have classes with her.

I hope yes.

“My name is Ellie Wheeler, by the way. And you’re...?”

I need check what classes she has so maybe I could take hers instead of Ashton’s. This guy is a freak.

“Oh right! Sorry, I’m professor Annya Kaneko.”