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#it’s the same as the adhd thing man
kiingbiing · 1 year
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Gorgeous
(inspired by t. swift's song)
Harry knew the moment that Draco walked into the bar. He always knew, there was something about the way he carried himself; his magic hot and bright, burning its way up Harry's spine before he'd even actually seen him. He turned his head, craning his neck to get a glimpse of the other man.
"Malfoy must be here," Ron grumbled.
He glanced back at Ron, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that every time he shows up here, you tune out most of what anyone has to say," Seamus piped up.
Harry glared at him, "Shut it. I do not."
"You do," Lavender replied as she slid in next to Parvati across from Hermione. "And it's just so sad because he talks to everyone but you."
He frowned, he had tried to convince himself that it was just his imagination that Draco talked to everyone else and intentionally ignored him. But before he could say anything more, Draco was at their table, he said, "this is Clement," gesturing to the attractive man on his arm before sitting down next to Hermione and immediately striking up a conversation with her.
"It's because he likes you," Blaise said, leaning in closer so Harry could hear him over the noise.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Yeah, right." Draco came with a different date every week, he wasn't interested in Harry.
Blaise shrugged, "Suit yourself but I'm telling you, Potter, that boy's been obsessed with you for years."
Shoving Blaise's shoulder Harry tried to put it from his mind. But as the night wore on, Harry watched Draco talking to everyone in their friend group but him (just like he always did) and when Draco got up to go to the loo, Harry couldn't help but follow. Not wanting to be a perv, he waited outside.
When Draco emerged, he immediately jumped, hand over his heart, "Circe's tits, Potter! What are you doing?"
Instead of answering his question, Harry's inebriated brain supplied one of it's own, "Why won't you talk to me?"
"Excuse me?" Draco asked, looking around as though he thought someone was playing a trick on him.
"I mean, we were friends, right?" he asked, knowing that he sounded more than a little desperate and pathetic. "Like 8th year, we sorted out all of our shit, forgave each other, right?"
"Potter, what are you on about?"
"It's just," he sighed and stared at Draco, wondering if he looked at him hard enough if he'd be able to understand him, "you never talk to me. And you talk to everyone else."
"You should be flattered," Draco said before turning away.
Without thinking Harry reached out and grabbed his hand, giving him a gentle tug, "Wait," he said.
"Adam is waiting," Draco said, not looking up to meet Harry's eyes.
"I thought you said his name was Clement?" Harry murmured.
And before he could do anything else, Draco was pressing him back against the wall and kissing him.
Harry's arms instinctively wrapped around him, drawing him in closer as he kissed him back just as desperately.
"That's what you get for touching my hand in a dark hallway," Draco muttered, nipping at Harry's lips.
"I ought to grab your hand more often, then," Harry replied, tugging Draco's body flush against his own so he could kiss him again.
Draco kissed him back for a long, tension filled moment, body surging and pressing against Harry's before he pulled back, "I fucking hate you."
Harry blinked at him, feeling like he was experiencing whiplash, his brain moving too slow, unutterably confused by the mixed signals he was receiving from Draco's body and his words. "What-" he started, but then Draco was kissing him again.
"I hate your stupid face, and your stupid green eyes," he continued as his hands slid under his tshirt and Harry groaned. "I hate the way you grew into your stupid body; all muscled and handsome. You're so fucking gorgeous, of course I can't talk to you."
"Fuck," he hissed as Draco's nails scraped over his back and Harry flipped their positions, pinning Draco to the wall.
Draco groaned, body shuddering against Harry's as he tried to drag him impossibly closer. "And I hate the way you talk, all honest and earnest, and-" he broke off as Harry sucked hard at his neck. "And I hate that you aren't mine."
Harry pulled back far enough to look him in the eyes, "Draco, you can have me," he said.
"Stop," he whined, giving Harry a shove but immediately tugging him back in. "Don't make fun of me."
"I'm not," Harry assured him. "I want you too, in case that wasn't abundantly clear," he said, pressing forward against Draco's body to emphasize his point.
Draco shook his head, "But I want more than just sex with you. Just sex would never be enough."
"Great," Harry replied, kissing down his neck again and pausing to suck at the bruise he'd left forming on his pale skin.
"I'm serious, Potter," Draco growled, fisting a handful of his hair and pulling until Harry looked him in the eyes again.
"Call me Harry," he said.
Draco rolled his eyes, "I'm serious, Harry. I'm a possessive bastard and I will want to keep you forever."
"Is that a threat or a promise?" Harry asked, feeling a little weak in the knees at the thought of being treasured and kept.
Narrowing his eyes he asked, "Are you being serious?"
"Yes," he said in exasperation, "Draco. I want you, too. I've been head over tits for you for ages."
"Really?" he asked, looking back and forth between Harry's eyes.
"Ask literally any of our friends," he said. "Yes. Really." He leaned in and gave him another soft, tentative kiss.
Draco shuddered and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, "Take me home," he whispered.
"From here?"
Draco nodded, eyes closed.
He rubbed his nose over Draco's cheek, "What about-" he broke off trying to remember the bloke's name, "what's-his-name?"
"Who?" Draco asked, hands slipping under Harry's waistband and distracting him even further.
"Your date?" he prompted even as his fingers tangled in Draco's hair, turning his to the side to give himself better access to Draco's neck.
Draco whimpered, body arching against Harry's. He waved a hand, "I don't give a fuck. Take me home. Right now." Then softly, in Harry's ear, "Please," he all but moaned and Harry's self control snapped.
He apparated them right from there, straight into his bed, and suddenly Draco had absolutely no problem talking to him.
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Read more of my fics inspired by songs, if you'd like
tagging the lovely @phoebe-delia since it's taylor swift and that is her jam <3
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iceclew · 27 days
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Did I accidently write more than just a few lines of dialogue for this scene?... *shyly fumbling with fingers* 🥹👉👈 maybe...
Sorry, I suck at words and this isn't betaread nor properly proofread and I am not native english, I'm very sorry in advance...
full story down below
(Chappel Roan - Love me Anyway)
(Benson Boone - Slow it Down)
"VICE-CAPTAIN!!!!"
The tiny moving plush-like thing in his hand apparently started screaming as well now.
"WHY ALWAYS MEEE!?!?"
What looked like the chibi mini-version of the Defence Force's biggest trump card, struggled to hold on his thumb, kicking around those little feet of his.
"Well, now I'm quite curious abut THAT story..."
"I CAN'T TURN BACK AND I AM T I N Y !!! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )"
"I see that... How'd you even get in here?"
Tiny #8 stopped fidgeting a bit. Instead two unproportionally big round dark eyes goggled at him. It was undeniably adorable to look at. "Well after THIS happened, I couldn't grab my phone on the table anymore, so I ran around to find someone, but I figured Narumi and Kikoru would very likely take advantage of my situation and do something stupid with me."
"Oh yeah, they definitely would and I get why, honestly."
"So I ran around to find you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG THE 1st DIVISION IS, WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS, OK?! And then I saw the slightly opened window and just crawled in... ༼☯﹏☯༽"
"Wait... you know where my temporary place in the 1st Division is located? Why?"
"....Coincidence? (*゚ー゚) "
He sighed. "Well just when you think you saw everything...Kafka Hibino enters the stage..."
"SIR, WHAT SHOULD I DO?? WHY ARE THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME??"
"you really want me to answer that, bud?", he barely tried to hide the undertone of his voice, which left the small creature on the palm of his hand baffled for a second.
"Wha-? HEY, MEAN!! What are you on about!?"(>д<)
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know STOP CHANGING in general, like I told you f.ex.. or maybe stick to your training routine without going OVERBOARD on a regular basis? How 'bout that?"
The big dark round eyes got even bigger with every word spoken.
"Yeah, don't look at me like that, I might coincidently got wind of stuff, you know?"
His unexpectedly open and emotional response threw Kafka off. For a second he forgot about his *tiny* main problem, his mind jumped between confused and worried and he couldn't comprehend with his reaction for now. After some awkward seconds in silence, Hoshina's tone grew significantly calmer, but still sort of off to his usual self-assured expression. "Well at least this time you're actually telling me about stuff that bothers you, huh?"
Silence again. While hanging from the palm of his Vice-Captain's hand Kafka realized something (besides his size) was different. His senses grew more aware of his surroundings to find answers.
"Are... are you drunk, sir?"
Besides the slight scent of alcohol in the air, and the - well quite obvious - bottle of sake on the table, the startled twitch on his face confirmed Kafka's guess was right. Other than the sake the only other thing on the table were some snacks. Another odd thing to Kafka, who was used to see Hoshina's surroundings stuffed with documents, loose papers, books and other work related things.
The silence lingered around them uncomfortably. To Kafka's suprise Hoshina was seemingly struggling with words. A look on his face Kafka couldn't remember seeing before. Now his mind definitely jumped to 'worried'.
Hoshina tried to mimic an insulted face and looked away. "A little tippsy at most... I'm off-duty for tonight.." Besides the slightly blushed nose and cheeks, Kafka now noticed some dark circles under red eyes. "..and despite my gut telling me better, I assumed I probably won't be needed anymore today, and that I could hang loose a little. It's not my Division after all, there's another Captain and Vice-Captain in charge here. So I might as well make use of that chance... Should have known, it would end up that way or another.. " He smiled a bit and Kafkas felt like his heart clenching from the sight. "Although I definitely should have placed my bet on YOU to be the reason for that." He chuckled lightly, while his expressions grew somewhat softer.
"I'm sorry, Sir."
"Nah, it's fine. As if I didn't get used to your-"
"I never put much thought to it, but ever since the Defence Force started preparing for the big counter attack on #9 your workload must've at least doubled in the 3rd and 1st Division.. and here I am still taking over the rest of your time as well..."
"Don't like where this is going, officer... You're not starting pitying me, are ya?"
"No I-...I just feel like.. I didn't realize, and there for not appreciated your work enough.." Silence. "And also.." The tiny kaiju had his look glued to the floor in front of him for a while now. "I know you told me to brush it off earlier but,... I truly regret ... not telling you about... #8 n'stuff.. I'm sorry... I'd change that if I could.."
A small plushy-sized Kaiju was gently put back on the ground again. Hoshina scratched his nose for a second, before bending far back to the other side of the room. He grabbed for his smartphone that was burried in piles of carelessly pushed aside documents.
"As I said. You're here now, aren't ya?" When he got his phone he chose to stay laid down on the floor and started typing something on the lightened screen.
A tiny transformed Kafka carefully made his way around and walked up on eye-level with Hoshina's face again. Once again overwhelmed by his current state of being, he let himself fall back on the floor and sat on the ground. "So... what should I do?"
"The first thing WE do is trying to make some calls. But since you seem to be in no life-threatening condition, we might have to wait 'till tomorrow for a first medical examination. If that's the case you'll stay, and I get you down to the lab first thing in the morning."
"Wait!" The tiny Kaiju made a suprisingly far jump right up to Hoshina's chest and pressed the (for him very big) red hang-up button on the screen with both paws. "You're right about that, I won't die this second from being tiny, so we might as well wait for tomorrow."
The questioning look on the opposite's face made a tiny Kafka look away and scratch his neck shyly. "Well, since you're ... I dunno,... I feel like, I can't have you be seen d-dru- .. like this by other officials of the 1st Division, b-because of me..."
A finger poked his forehead, which caused a tiny being like him to fall right back landing on warm soft fabric of Hoshina's shirt.
"Idiot. But you might be right about that."
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angeltannis · 1 year
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The fact that Symmetra’s seemingly only childhood friend was a boy she fundamentally disagreed with everything about and disliked pretty much everything that he stood for - and that it was exactly the same for him - is so so so funny to me. Unlikeable neurodivergent bitches gotta stick together
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ohmigoshiloveu · 19 days
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Okay so like. I still haven't managed to get myself to finish episode 9, so I don't fully know how Theo's glow up finishes, but regardless I fucking love relistening to Emizel's section of episode 1 and like. Fuck man Theo does a lot of growing. Like he's a little bit pathetic at the beginning of the series. He's so, so brave during the alleyway fight, but he sounds shaky and scared and like a sopping wet pathetic baby the entire time. Charlie specifically describes him as not very alert, not a great fighter, and gives him this little moment where it takes him a second to manage to crush a soda can. He botches the check to beat Emizel in Smash Bros so there's a chance he sucks at the related skills (dexterity and computers I think?), but also after he loses Charlie specifically has him sound super frustrated and conclude that he should've 'stayed in his lane'. When Emizel says 'We'll do what we do best,' and Theo immediately responds with 'drink soda?' so fast that the other players notice it. Charlie might've had that as a predetermined character thing. Theo drinks soda. There's not much else to him.
Which creates this interesting dynamic between him and Emizel, because Emizel is so much better at him at all of these skills that the people around them (a FUCKING GANG) value. Emizel's perceptive, and agile, and strong, and a great fucking fighter irl and in videogames AND he always sounds badass. He's the top dog, the apex predator in their social circle. And I think that colors their relationship a lot? Like Theo has to look up to Emizel. I bet that Theo's looked up to Emizel since they first met, maybe Emizel came crashing into his life doing something epic and Theo thought it was the greatest shit ever.
On the flip side, I was getting a few hints of resentment? Hear me out! It's that 'should have just stayed in my lane' line. He's painfully aware how great Emizel is, compared to how much he's (from his perspective!) just a one trick pony. He's here to drink soda and say funny things, that's all most people want from him and he fucks up whenever he tries to do anything else!
And later in the segment Theo snarkily brings up a medicine check that Emizel had just fucked up in like this super backhanded, super passive aggressive way. That could be him wanting to rub Emizel's one singular fuck up in his face (especially because Theo was having a Moment about how he feels like people only see him as the soda guy, so any feelings of inadequacy would've been dialed up to eleven, so if there was any time for him to resent Emizel it'd be then), but it could also be that he was frustrated with Emizel being an ass (Emizel had just guessed that Theo's dream was to be a nurse, which was flat out wrong, and that's literally what set up the backhanded comment. Theo was saying something like 'thank fuck you don't wanna be a nurse cuz you sure fucked up with nursing that guy earlier.' It could also be that Emizel literally almost forgot Theo's name. Theo literally gave him the 'th' sound, it might've just been a bit Charlie was doing or it could've been Theo being AWARE that Emizel almost forgot his name. Or! It could be that in this moment, where Theo was confiding in Emizel about feeling like being the soda guy was all anyone ever saw in him, Emizel said something to the affect of 'well yeah Soda's the fun one.' Emizel doesn't think before he speaks and literally has a 1 in empathy. Just because he loves Theo doesn't mean he's not gonna blunder into being a complete and utter asshole to him. I'd hazard to say Emizel accidentally being an ass to people he cares about is a running theme).
But also all of that might come down to Charlie still getting the character down. Or, because I've theorized before that Theo might not've been supposed to survive the first Gabriel fight, the little hints of bitterness might've been intentional (even if they were completely improvved and Charlie didn't mean to add that to Theo's character) because Charlie was trying to shove as much character into this character before he was gone, but once it became clear that Theo was going to stick around longer he dropped it. As far as I remember, that bitterness is completely gone in all later interactions we see with Theo. OR! It could be that the bitterness drops because they've both got bigger fish to fry from that point onward, what with Theo's Shilo Incident TM, Emizel's vampirism, the Weylin twins. He doesn't have time to be bitter, he's too busy worrying about losing a cornerstone of his identity or helping his best friend adjust to being a fucking vampire now. And then after he learns to live without soda that basically negates his feelings of inadequacy- like, getting over the idea that he's nothing if he's not the soda guy would be required for him to give up on being the soda guy. And then Emizel would drift back into JUST being a guy to aspire to instead of also being a reminder of Theo's short comings, and then drift even further down into being 'guy who is actually going through it and has to overcome his own demons just like I had to overcome mine'. Like, I think we got to watch Theo slowly start to take Emizel off this pedestal in real time (he still definitely thinks Emizel's hot shit tho. Emizel's his boy, after all.)
Regardless, even if Theo did resent Emizel a little in the beginning, it's so fucking clearly overshadowed by how much he fucking loved him. And like, how could he not? Imagine you're Theo, critically low self esteem, and the literal coolest guy you know fucking LOVES you. Like, Emizel keeps consistently going out of his way to pull Theo up to his level and to treat him as an equal (mostly. Sometimes protectiveness bleeds through, like in his hypothetical fang scenario in ep 1 where he predicts there being five Fangs to fight and he says he can take three and Theo can take two (which in itself is still incredibly kind to Theo. Like, boy, you thought Theo was gonna be able to take out two whole guys? Hell no.) But that could also be chalked up to Emizel just being a cocky ass who wants to show off). Like dude, c'mon. Emizel might be a reminder of everything that Theo's not, but he's also probably Theo's biggest cheerleader. He wholeheartedly thought he was being supportive when he said he thought Theo'd make a great nurse! In all seriousness, though, even if it ultimately discourages him, Theo playing that Smash game against Emizel was at least a little bit of proof of him decidedly not 'staying in his lane,' and Emizel seems to inspire that! Later in that segment he challenges Theo to see which of them can break one of the Fangs kneecaps first! I bet Emizel challenged him to stupid competitions a lot, and that got Theo fired up and competitive in return!
And even when Emizel's not building Theo up, he's still giving Theo special attention, or readily receiving any attention Theo gives him. If nothing else, even at his lowest points that might've made Theo feel cool by association.
On Emizel's part, I think he's like, possibly completely oblivious to any turmoil Theo's going through? Like he thinks Theo's the shit and genuinely sees him as an equal. I'm 99% sure that Theo being his right hand man happened because Theo would've put himself into the role (in episode one before he gets all of his character development he's pretty much always looking to Emizel for what to do, and still more or less does whatever he says up to where I'm at in the series, with refusing to leave the alleyway being the only exception I remember). I think if Theo'd had higher self esteem or been less eager to defer to Emizel, Emizel would've happily gone about his business slotting Theo into more of a partner role. He tells Theo to run from that alleyway because Theo'd taken a fucking devastating hit and Emizel was sure he could handle himself, not because he knows Theo sucks at fighting. He tries to turn Theo into a cool vampire. He convinces Shilo that Theo'll be a valuable asset to raiding the Weylin warehouse and they take Theo with them instead of having him stay behind with the car like Grefgore, despite Theo being the one who actually knows how to drive. He tells Theo about being a vampire even though he keeps it a secret from everyone else, confides in Theo that 'yeah he might absolutely be susceptible to going into a frenzy like Shilo did.'
When you get down to it, Emizel pretty much tells Theo everything he would think is relevant, with two notable exceptions. Maybe three if you count him not telling Theo he has nine lives like a cat but tbh I think he might've just forgot. Or maybe he gets to it later, or maybe he did tell him and I forgot! idk man! But! Those other two things. First off, he like. Pointedly does not tell Theo that he's a prince. Like when they were doing the recap on the way to the Weylin warehouse, there's like. Charlie gives Condi an opening to say it, a little 'is there anything else?' and Emizel just. Doesn't. And the second one is that (at least where I'm at) Emizel never comes clean about bloodbonding Theo. Maybe it just hasn't come up yet, but still. It fits a pattern of Emizel not wanting to admit something that makes him, like, ABOVE Theo somehow. He sees Theo as an equal, and a precious one at that, he doesn't want things to get weird between them because he's literal royalty, and he doesn't want Theo's life to literally revolve around him like it would under a level three blood bond- and doesn't want to admit that he even considered it, even if he did it without really understanding what it was.
And Emizel backing off from ghoulifying Theo after Arthur explains what it actually entails kinda leads into a far more headcanon-y relationship analysis thing so um. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.
So! Like. Why the fuck was Emizel so attached to Theo being Soda. Like he gets over it decently quick, cuz that's his buddy and it's what Theo wants, so like. Whatever. But like, if I'm right about Theo always looking up to Emizel from the moment they met, there might've been some wiggle room between when they first became friends and when Theo became Soda. And like, before Theo became Soda, being Emizel's buddy would probably be the only thing he'd feel he had going for him? Which would've made it even harder for Emizel to get them both on equal footing, and I think that's just... really unappealing to him. Like! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Emizel loves having people kiss up to him and respect him and blah blah blah, I just think Theo being his boy and Emizel treating him like a partner go hand in hand. Either they weren't best friends yet or Emizel was just. Kind of uncomfortable and eager to push Theo into growing into something more than a hypeman. And then the soda incident occurs, and it gives Theo SOMETHING to define himself by, something people like him and know him for that's got nothing to do with Emizel, and maybe the initial soda incident was bad, but having that sense of identity and falling into what kind've feels like a class clown kinda role might've helped get Theo over his self esteem issues long enough for Emizel to go 'oh you're actually super cool. sweet.' and then blah blah blah they get super close like they are in canon. And then whenever Theo seems like he's backsliding into what he was before the soda incident, Emizel tries to course correct not because he doesn't think Theo's any fun without soda, but because he's made the mental connection that Soda without soda turns into less of a best friend and more of a follower, which as stated before he probably really doesn't want from Theo specifically. but idk. pure conjecture here.
Anyways, above all else, Theo's important to Emizel. I really, really like the idea that Theo was supposed to be like a brother to him (which. Again pointing at my 'Theo was supposed to die in episode 1' theory, can you IMAGINE the angst Emizel could've had about that? Lose one brother and then someone else claiming to be your brother shows up? It would've felt like some hellish, not-worth-it trade. Like a betrayal, like accepting Shilo might mean replacing Theo, and how could he ever?)
And Emizel's important to Theo! But unlike Emizel (who I'm 99% sure is gonna have some kinda moment with Theo but I genuinely cannot see him loving Theo in any other way than the way he does now), Theo has the bonus of having his view of Emizel have a clear trajectory to evolve over the course of the campaign. Like I said, he seems to be getting more confidence in himself and like, not gonna get into the stuff I've had spoiled beyond episode 9 but it seems like Theo's gonna get a lot more comfortable being a proper leader and not just a number two. He's gonna have an easier time seeing Emizel as an equal, and I think that's fucking awesome!
I could be completely off base, but if I never watch another episode then I'll never be proven wrong. So. Ya know.
#jrwi the suckening#emizel tucker#jrwi emizel tucker#jrwi soda#jrwi theo collins#theo collins#suckening thoughts#fizzfangs#jrwi the suckening spoilers#I also personally headcanon that Theo might've been like the first person to think Emizel was cool. Like. okay hang on.#I think Emizel didnt get a lot of attention growing up and learned to act out to get peoples eyes on him. Which fixed the first issue but#created a new one where all attention he got was negative attention#and then younger Theo who still feels painfully mediocre (in a way that TOTALLY wouldnt tie into him being neurodivergent adhd in canon)#and Theos getting negative attention without even trying. maybe its because his grades suck. Maybe he gets distracted or fidgety and gets#detention from being disruptive or for being accidentally disrespectful and Emizels also in detention because he blew up all the school#toilets and flooded the building. and more importantly Emizel is EMBRACING the negative attention that Theo cant seem to avoid#And it makes Emizel seem really fucking cool and Theo thinks hes really fucking epic and starts following him around and hyping him up#and then its genuinely the most positive attention Emizels ever gotten and he fucking eats it up. it pushes him to show off and go bigger#and it also gets Theo a very very special place in Emizel's heart. its just that Theo being kinda mediocre makes it really hard to hype#him up back the same way. Except- ya know- Theo fucking loves soda so Emizel can insta-win at positive social interaction if he keeps soda#on him#its like one of those kids who give out candy because they dont know how to make friends#Emizel give Theo soda because he genuinely doesn't have a frame of reference for a wholey positive relationship yet#and then whatever the soda incident is kinda just solidifies it. He's his boy Soda! Soda's his thing! Emizel loves him so much!#idk man this is all headcanon territory im just going insane am i even making sense rn#goddammit this might age like milk i have GOT to finish the suckening so i can brainrot properly
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rocktis · 6 months
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fanon my beloved vs. fanon my beloathed
beloved - zack's nicknames for cloud (spikey, sunshine, cloudy, etc) - kunsel has hacked into shinra's database and could cause massive damage to the company on a whim by tapping a few keys beloathed - "zack's so stupid lol he's such a himbo" - "cloud's just a cocky asshole who doesn't care about anything but money and himself"
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amokslime · 6 months
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About the whole ADHD "finding a way to motivate yourself without using the stress of impending deadlines" thing:
I hate to say it, but learning to be nicer to myself changed a lot of that for me. I really truly hate to say it. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you gotta find a way to be nicer to yourself inside your own head, in whatever way works for you. I know it sucks so bad to hear.
The other thing is, if my brain is really refusing to tackle a task, often times the main thing I'm feeling is confused and understimulated. Which leads to me sitting there with the jeopardy theme song playing in my head, and then I unconsciously gravitate towards something that's more stimulating and therefore easier to wrap my head around. So overstimulating myself in some sensory way helps me be less confused about what I needed to do. Everybody's brain is different, though.
And uhh the other thing that helped is concerta, and listening to my body, and working on not being so ashamed when I failed. Which means you will probably have to fail a little bit unfortunately
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allsnarker · 11 months
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< still mentally grappling with not only am i loved but people like. think about me when im not there (in a good way) whoa. like i know that but whoa.
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super-nowa-art · 2 years
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aaaaaaa wdym he’s my fave nooooo,,, totally,,,, not,,,,,
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eldritchamy · 1 year
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me, drinking coffee for once: this is it, this is going to fix me. today I will have just enough of a functional brain to be productive and get important things done
the horrible little creature that lives in my brain and decides what I hyperfixate on and when I go into an infodumping trance on an arbitrary topic and also makes me wildly over- or under-use punctuation:
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#man fuck ADHD#can somebody diagnose me with 'holy shit how are you ALIVE without adderall'#for the record the horrible little creature that lives in my brain just stuck me in a 90 minute rant#about how 'Monstrosity' is a HORRIBLE creature type in dnd#it's so ABSURDLY wide ranging#there are 'Monstrosities' that should be BEASTS like the obvious Owlbear or Peryton or some specific cats and wolves#but there are also things like. horrible centipede monsters and Purple Wurms and disfigured Kraken monsters#AND ALSO CENTAURS AND MINOTAURS WHICH ARE EXPLICITLY PLAYABLE RACES????#as well as a NUMBER of creatures that could EASILY fall into the humanoid category#things that WEAR CLOTHING and use CRAFTED AND MAGICAL WEAPONS and have CULTURE and SPEAK MULTIPLE LANGUAGES#is a YETI less humanoid than a Bugbear or a Grung???#what about Draconian mages which are literally just dragonborn?#what about all the YUAN TI and THRI-KEEN which are literally viable PC races#what about Yakfolk priests and Merrow swordsmen and Driders which are no less humanoid than a Centaur#WHY ARE THEY LUMPED INTO THE SAME CATEGORY AS SPACE HAMSTERS AND WEIRD PARASITES AND GRIFFONS#THERE'S NO JUSTIFICATION FOR ALL OF THESE THINGS BEING A SINGLE CREATURE TYPE IT'S JUST PURE FANTASY RACISM#and also extremely lazy worldbuilding#why the fuck are PLAYABLE RACES lumped in with displacer beasts and mimics?#because you suck at categorizing your creature types that's why#in a fantasy world that has fantasy creatures there's no reason for an owlbear or a peryton or a griffon to not be considered animals#you know the Polymorph spell specifies beasts of your challenge rating (player level) or lower?#did you know the highest CR in the Beast type is 8?#T Rex Sperm Whale and Huge Giant Crab are all CR 8 beasts#so Polymorph can't scale past level 8. even though player levels go to 20.#meanwhile TRUE Polymorph and SHAPECHANGE just say any creature. Shapechange specifies not constructs or undead#and you know what. Wild Shape specifies BEASTS. with a MAXIMUM CHALLENGE RATING OF ONE.#unless you're a moon druid and then it's your level divided by 3#except they're removing that in 'One DND' (shut up it's just 6e)#anyway DND has some CRAZY fucked up stuff in it and Monstrosity is just 'Miscellaneous' but with more racism in it#also I have not been productive today at all thanks coffee
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toherlover · 4 months
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We Made A Post. Perfect. Amazing. Easily Godlike.
Only For Them To Be Removed Once Again... And Gasslight As "Just A Glitch"...
No... This Is Nothing But A Way To Attack And Erase Progressive Things... Showcase This Abuser... Called Tumblr Has An EVIL And BIGOTED MONSTER AGENDA...
Make Us Transition. We Live In Finland Freeze Our Little Ones And Give Us Diy Hrt. We Deserve So Much. Especially When We're Nothing But Abused All The Time... Like Right Now... Whatever We Type In Now... Can Never Recreate This Amazing And Perfect Post... Just Like The Other Ones... But This One Was So Good... I Loved Her... And They Abused Us... Now She's Gone 😭😭😭😭...
:(... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭!!!!
I Will Finish This Post Soon... But I Am Depressed... And Traumatized... I Panic... I Could Jump Trough That Window Right Now... I Have Anxiety... Evil... Has Once Again Hurt Us As I Sweat Once Again On This Abusive Spot This The EVIL Situation We Have Been In Before More Times Than To Count... Them All Stacking Up Into This Horrible Experience... A Feeling... Inside Of Our Brain... A Dark Deep Pain... Weighing On Them... As I Sweat.. In Pain... I Could Scream!! But Can't!! Because Of This Evil Body!! And Evil Abusive Place We're In!! I Can't Show My Emotions... That Would Be... More Painfullness If Anything...
:(...
We Watched 3 Episodes Of She Hulk... I Believe A Leftist Should Prrrrtteeeee... I Believe A Leftist Should Showe Their Middle Finger Up A Company's Uncaring Asshole... I Believe We Should Be Doing That... Than Watching Like This... This Situation... All Wrong... From What Is Supposed To Be... Our Consent... VIOLATED... ONCE AGAIN AS ALWAYS... The Consept Irrelevant... But When That Is For Us... ANYTHING... CAN BE RELEVANT JUST FOR US... BECAUSE WE MATTER... WE DESERVE SPECIAL PRIVLEDGES...
:(...
😢...
I Will Take A Break From This Post Perhaps... Who Knows...? We Have Been Hurt And Harmed... Nobody Will Ever Understand!!!! OUR CRAZY PAIN... TEARING APART... OUR INSIDES...
I Love Black People... I Love This Woman... I Love Aisha In Fate The Winx Saga... That Is Racist To Oppose This Character... Only We Matter... If They Don't Matter... Then Black People Don't Matter... And That Would Be... Horrible...
I Love All The Diverse Background Characters Aswell... Tbh... They're All Like Nice Toys... Or Nice Furries... They're Nice... They're Cute... Black People Aswell... They Make Us... Feel Loved... They Make Us... Less Afraid... Evil... Want To Take Them Away... THE THINGS WE LOVE... JUST LIKE ALWAYS... JUST LIKE HOW... WE WATCHED MARVEL STOP BEING WOKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!! WITH THE NEW MALE POWER FANTASY COMING!!!!
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Nobody... Cares About Us... Nobody... Was There For Us... When ANY... OF THIS PAIN... HAPPENED... LIKE THE FACT THAT WE STILL HAVEN'T TRANSITIONED...
I Like She Hulk... I Like... Powerfull Woman... I Like... Black Best Friends... I Like... Watching Her Be Powerfull... Instead Of Rape Porn...
I Like... How Hulk Wasn't On Her Way... And Leaves... I Like... How Nice He Is... I Like... She Didn't Get Reduced To Anything... On The Screen...
I Like This Is About Her... I Like... The Woke Mcu... I Never... NEVER SAID... THEY SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM US... JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE WE CARE ABOUT... JUST LIKE... EVERYTHING ELSE PROGRESSIVE... ARE YOU HAPPY NOW... LEFTIST?!?!?!?! YOU HATE WOKE THINGS!!!! YOU ONLY LIKE CONSERVATIVE THINGS!!!! YOU LOVE CONSERVATIVES!!!! YOU HATE PROGRESSIVES!!!! NOTHING LEFTIST ABOUT YOU!!!! YOU'RE EVIL!!!!
That Was... Cruel... How They Justified All Bigotry... And All Abuse... And Discrimination... In She Hulk... That Was Lame... How The Marvels Is About How Africa Shouldn't Be Made Communist Because Culture Is Evil And On The Way And Irrelevant And The Message The Same...
How Can These Be Titled... Bad Movies...? When The Previous Garbage... Was Nothing But Praised...? THAT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND... THIS IS WHAT IS GOOD... THAT IS WHAT IS BAD... MONEY IS EVIL... MARVEL TOO... EVERYTHING WAS FAKE... EVERYONE ONLY PRETENDED TO GIVE A FUCK!! OR PERHAPS... Some Did... But... They're All... Worthless... Powerless... Pathetic... Losers... They're DESERVE NOTHING... I HOPE THEY SUFFER... THEY DESERVE THAT... JUST LIKE YOU DO... JUST LIKE EVERYONE DOES... BESIDES US!! THAT ONLY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!! LIKE TRANSITION... MAKE US... WE DESERVE ONLY GOODNESS...
This Is Fun... The Previous Is What Is Boring... The Future Is What Is Boring... WOKE MARVEL...? WAS THE BEST!!!! I WANT THEM BACK!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! JUST LIKE I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE... AND PLUSHIES... I WANT MARVEL BACK... SHE IS MINE...
I Liked Seeing Wong. He Is Underrated He's Better And More Diverse Than Doctor Strange. Same With That Villain. I Am Glad He Was Actually Good... But They Also Spread Evil Propaganda With Him...
#We Also Found A Cool Channel. But She Was Stupid. Nothing Progressive About Her.#Attempting To Gasslight Everyone Into A Capitalist Machine... Eww... Right...? Disgusting...#They Don't Want Us There... Simple As That... Make Us Transition. Please...#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Interesting Lovable Amazing Admirable Woke Progressive#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing#Adhd Autism Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuse#She Hulk Marvel That Was Pretty Cool This Post Was So Much Better But The Evil Abuser Called This Site Attacked Us...#Suomi Finland Finnish Kiva Kiltti Mukava Rakastettava Kiinnostava Ihana Tule Tänne Pelasta Meidät...#Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Acceptance Compassion Diversity Black Asian White#People Of Different Skins Btw We Love Every Single Skin... We're Trying To Fix Racism Aswell... We're Extremely Kind If Anything...#On Top Of That School Actually Should Have Students Watch Gay Sex. This Already Happens With Straight Sex.#Equality Is Really Hard... However Nobody Else... Has Ever Been... On Our Level... At This...#I Love Trans People... I Love Radqueer Identities... The Cool Ones... The Stupid Ones Straight Up Suck...#Because I Already Know What They're Talking About... But Their Words Are The Same... And Boring...#Lacking In Interesting Unlike The Original... Even Then... They're Badass... We Must Be Very So Ourselves... Us That Are All The Skins...#I Have Somewhere To Go With These Topics :)... That Feels Nice... I Know There's Nothing Racist About Us... We Have Only Been Gasslight...#Btw Fuck Those Capitalist Machines Called “Let's Players”... They Don't Think About Identity And Politics And As Result Always Support The#Status Quo... This Isn't Just A Five Ass At Freddy's Problem... But All These Evil Series... Like Pokemon...#This Is What Is Fun. Otherwise Is Boring. All These Things Are Fun. There's No Way To Win Either.#Conservatives Are Jealous About Happy Queer People And Call Us Dehumanizing Words For That. For Having Fun.#They Call Us Boring Then. Because They Erased And Took Away Fun In Their Loser Kinds...#Intelligent Smart Genius Analysis I Am Very Smart. There Was So Much More To This Post...#Btw Vaush Xandershit They're Both Nothing But Reactionaries... Crazy Huh...?#Nothing Progressive About Those Conservative Lovers That Hate Progressive People And Things If Anything.#I Love Strong Woman Main Character. They're Some Of My Favorite. And All “Bad Writing” Is Actually The Good And Better.#Because A Capitalist Abuser Decided What That Means And Boring Anti Progressive Support Such Abuse Like That Youtuber Cosmonaut... Who Has#Nothing Progressive About Him... Spiderverse Is Shit And Racist Too... But Atleast The Main 2 And Reconstructed Peter Are Cool...#That Doesn't Change The Fact That They Still Need Spiderman For Everything Miles. Nothing Miles About That.#Aswell As Can Never Right Gwen Stacy's Unrightfull Extremely Misogynistic Death...#I Am Somewhat Supportive Of The Sequel... Also I Want Iron Man's Daughter Instead Of Iron Man's Return. And The My Should've Always
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tibli · 11 months
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vyvanse isn't enough i need to do speed
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anonbinaryweirdo · 10 months
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i was getting ready to strip but there's a parade in town at six and devons going so now i HAVE to go.
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toytulini · 1 year
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man i remember complaining about The Bone Bees and someone asking why i drank the 5hr energy and my answer being that i was "a little sleepy!" and saying that "god i shouldve just been A Little Sleepy! it was Fine!" and someone being Concerned by that and being like you shouldnt drive when youre A Little Sleepy! and just being like. i dont know how else to tell you that the Bone Bees Were So Much Worse Than Being Sleepy. i cannot stress enough that the condition it put me in was Worse. i recognize and acknowledge that drowsy driving is bad. that is why i made the Caffeine Mistake in the first place. i was trying to Avoid Drowsy Driving. and i had not Realized that the Caffeine was going to make me So Much Worse Than Drowsy. 0/10 never again. 5hr energy evil.
#toy txt post#i don't remember who it was but man. the bone bees. guys the bone bees were so bad. it was so bad. i never wanna feel like that again#not to admit to reckless driving on main and i want to stress i dont endorse this behavior and also never want to do what im about to say#again either: having once driven after taking a benadryl. and once driven in The Bone Bees. the benadryl was not as bad#i will grant. the benadryl. i was also So Fucking Full Of Adrenaline. for bug reasons. and i also want to stress i really did not want to do#it at the time but really did Not Have Better Options. and am comparing the bone bees to that and saying it was not as bad as the bone bees#to stress just how bad the bone bees were#if the bone bees ever happen again im gonna just fucking wait it out at a rest stop and chug water and piss til the bees fade#you know the feeling when you take adhd meds with no food and then you also have coffee on top of that with no food and you forget to eat#all day and you keep not eating and then to top it off you decide to have more coffee and it feels like you have been hollowed out and like#all of your bones are vibrating and also like you might pass out and stop breathing? it was like that but food wasnt helping and it was just#one single 5hr energy#(i did also have my adhd meds that day) (but it was not at the same time the 5hr energy was way later in the day)#anyway you know how ppl in their 30s will be like oh man i cant do things like i used to when i was 20! that was me at like idk 24 with the#5hr energy#anyway#this is why that battery acid spaghetti post felt like they were really overhyping the effects of the beverage. it didnt taste bad and it#gave me zero bone bees
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dykefever · 2 years
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i’m so bored of people hardcore projecting onto characters stop giving them adhd
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