#i know how the code works in terms of like. the card functions

[risingsunresistance]

please ignore all the cryptid mod stuff happening here-

i never showed techno off after i finished tweaking his card! yes he is overpowered but that's just because i wanted him to fit in with cryptid, an already overpowered mod lol. i still never figured out how to add my own cards in (i am not a mod maker at all) so i just overwrote one of their cards. that's why he still has the cryptid sticker (plus some silly "credits")

he's designed like the legendary cards are, so the card editions only affect the background and not him. i love the polychrome one, and i like that the negative variant makes everything gold :]

he's basically canio, but he will take any sacrifice. he's not picky 🐖⚔️

[kozachenko]

Behold, my Touhou Project Inscryption Au that I started working on before all the stuff with Touhou 20 went down. Mainly finished this so I could get it out of my head lol.

No one asked for this. No one needed this, but I have free will and this is how I choose to use it lmao.

Artist's Notes;

Full disclaimer I have never played Inscryption before, I have only seen gameplay videos going through the entire game and have watched lore recaps, analyses, and videos on it. I do still love this game though and want to play it someday.

I remember it was during one of my many rewatches of Markiplier's Inscription playthrough (The Flying Uryaruli never gets old, plus they're kinda comfort videos lmao) that I thought of the dumb idea of "what if Chimata was in it?" and thus this idea was born. My initial concept of this was "the devil added microtransactions to his game" (bonus points if you understand that reference), which then evolved into "what if Megumu, Tsukasa, and Momoyo were the other scribes" which then evolved into me thinking way to fucking hard about this idea and deciding to swap out those three for other characters to be the scrybes. I'm sure you can tell who I chose for the new scrybes based on the cards (it's Zanmu and Keiki), though I did leave a hint as to who would be replacing which scrybe in this AU (hint, look at their health and attack line's, Keiki's attack is 1 btw it just got covered up by Zanmu's card). That part will probably become clearer as I develop the concept more (which will probably come in a long while) but in the meantime I'll explain the abilities more.

So I decided to adapt the cost into coins because in my mind, Chimata would focus really really hard on the collectathon trading card aspect. In fact, I imagine that in the beginning of this AU she's say something like, "and if you collect all of the cards, you'll be able to find a special little promo code in them. For what exactly? Well where's the fun in me telling you that now!" As I wrote in the image above (for those who can't read the font it says, "Balancing isn't exactly my forte, so some of the cards I gave you in your base deck have a 50/50 shot of being trash or stupidly overpowered!") Chimata probably doesn't care for the balancing and mainly wants to oversee the exchange in ownership with trading cards. I know characters like Nemuno or Ubame fit Leshy's vibes more but Chimata was kinda the progenitor of this idea and I think it would make more sense for her to care about cards so much so yeah lol (also there is a specific part in Act 1 of the game where I think Chimata's theming with the moon in Stage 6 of UM would work really well).

Also, in this AU, Sumireko would be the protagonist who runs a lost media Youtube channel where she discovers the cartridge with Inscryption in a similar way that Luke did in the OG game.

As for the effects on the cards, I'll go over them briefly:

Zanmu's sigil would negate the effects of the opposing creature's sigil, I was initially gonna give her the "if an opposing card attacks this one, it doesn't" sigil but decided that would be too OP and went for this idea instead.

Keiki's sigil basically functions like the warren sigil in the original game, where upon placing her down on the board she gives the player a free Haniwa card (which would be 1 attack 2 health and no cost). For obvious reasons I think this fits Keiki pretty well.

So the main purpose of this AU isn't to be 1 to 1 with the game's characters personality-wise (for reasons that will become apparent if you know who Keiki is substituting for) but in terms of theming I did try to think about who would fit best (other than Chimata but again, she's kinda got special treatment since I just though the idea of her constantly pulling out microtransactions to get herself more faith or trying desperately to convince Sumireko to get another person to play the game so she has someone to trade with would be funny). Visually this will also look different from Inscryption because...ain't no way I'm replicating that and also I want to use this as an oppurtunity to let myself do harsh lighting because I love doing harsh lighting in my drawings :D

Again, this is going to be an ongoing project of mine that is mainly gonna be shitposts like this. As you can see with the drawing I did not care about rendering the metal scale much and focused more on getting the shading on Chimata right. I also changed some things about her design and added some stuff, mainly changing how her dress pattern works, added some shoulder ornamentation to her cape, and gave her some nice big golden sphere earrings because I know she'd wear something like that.

Not the most proud of this piece (I finished this at around 10:30 at night so I was kinda eepy finishing this up) but for a shitpost, this is really all it need to be tbh.

[zoniteillusion-pyritedreams]

hello dearest zoniteillusion pyrite dreams, could you do a reading on how Jung Wooyoung acts when he has a crush , 🥰 or when he's in love and around someone he likes ?

Thanks a lot !

How Wooyoung Acts Around His Crush (Tarot Exposé Edition)

aka: “Help, I think he’s flirting—but also ignoring me???”

So, let’s talk about Ateez’s chaotic flirt king and what happens when he catches real feelings. According to the cards? It’s giving mixed signals with a twist of boyish charm and a whole lotta emotional confusion.

At first? He hesitates. (8 of Wands reversed) You’d expect him to charge in, but nope this man overthinks, overplans, and maybe even chickens out. Think: "Wait, what if I like them TOO much??”

Then boom party boy mode activated. (3 of Cups) Suddenly he's extra social around you, loud laughs, playful teasing, acting like you're just "one of the gang”… but your intuition knows better.

Deep down? He's plotting. (Ace of Pentacles = “Let me build a foundation... eventually.”) But don’t expect smooth execution he fumbles HARD. (All those reversed pages? Yeah. Clueless boy energy.)

Emotionally? A MESS (8 of Cups reversed, 3 of Swords reversed) He’s trying to act chill, but he’s so scared of rejection that he stays stuck in his feelings. He's the type to flirt, ghost himself, then show back up acting like nothing happened.

Then suddenly? Bold text messages at 2AM. (Page of Wands) He’ll send something risky, then act like it was a joke if you don’t respond. Classic “Did it for the bit” energy with a side of “Please love me.”

But there’s drama too. (5 of Swords, 2 of Swords reversed) He overthinks every interaction and might even get passive-aggressive if he's feeling too exposed. Like, "Why’d you laugh at his joke and not mine?”

Underneath all that sass and confusion? He genuinely wants a soulmate-type connection. (2 of Cups) But he’s lowkey terrified of being vulnerable, so he hides behind cocky energy, emotional walls (8 of Swords, 4 of Pentacles), and Insta thirst traps.

Eventually? He’s watching you like a hawk. (Page of Swords) Lurking your stories, reading too deep into your texts, acting unbothered but dying inside.

And the gag is? He REALLY wants to win you over… but doesn’t think he’s doing enough. (4 of Cups reversed, 6 of Wands reversed) Cue the “I’m not good enough for them” spiral.

Overview

Wooyoung around his crush is chaotic, adorable, emotionally constipated, flirty in bursts, lowkey dramatic, and totally lost in the sauce. He’s giving:

"I like you so much I forgot how to function.”

Could you survive the rollercoaster that is Wooyoung in love? Or would you fall off at the plot twists?

He is so and I mean this in the most endearing way possible High School loser grows up to be hot guy coded. I don't know if anyone knows what that means it's like a term that me and my friends have came up with back in high school ironically. Which is basically like the guy who no one really pays attention to no one really like fully likes or anything he kind of just exist he's not unattractive but he's not considered super attractive but then all of a sudden he goes off to college or starts working or whatever and damn he's hot but he still has the same personality he he hasn't changed in terms of thinking of himself as like the guy that no one really talked to or liked too much she kind of just existed so when he has all these pretty women around him or pretty girls throwing themselves at him he has no clue how to act. He's overthinking everything he's wondering if he's doing enough is he doing too much does she like me enough to I like her too much? Absolutely just spirals and then ends up pulling like the biggest you're kind of a douchebag moves you can possibly think of while simultaneously also coming off as a really sweet guy and it's just mixed signals galore.

You absolutely have to be on your toes with this one. If you're not paying attention enough it'll kind of seem as if he's low key bullying you or it doesn't like you, if you're paying a little too much attention he might pick up on it and then he'll end up ghosting you. So you going to have to find that sweet sweet in between.

[ziskandra]

5, 7, and 35: which character (if any) has changed the most as you wrote them, in terms of your interpretation or understanding of their character and choices?

(Fanfic/author ask game) 5. What's something you learnt while researching a fic? I had to mull over this question for quite a while! Given my tendency to mostly write canon-compliant character studies in fantasy universes, most of my 'research' process is double-checking for lore compliance and the like and it was a struggle to identify anything particularly interesting or revelatory which would be worth sharing from those deep dives (unless people want to hear me bang on about the symbolism of Meredith and Orsino both losing loved ones in cupboard fires again). So, I had a flick though the last few pages of my posted AO3 works, and came up with the research I had to do into the neighbourhoods of New York City for my Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fic Crossroads, featuring Rebecca Bunch crashing at her ex-frenemy Audra Bunch's house when stranded in NYC, as well as my Ace Attorney smut fic escargot*, which uh, features the eating of escargot. (I have eaten escargot before, but wanted to refresh my memory of the process because it was basically a food kink fic lol.) *Heads up that this is a (aged-up) Trucy/Miles fic for anyone who's canon familiar and might be squicked by the pairing. 7. Coffee or tea while you write? I don't really tend to drink either while writing these days! They're both very work-coded to me now. (Coffee for when I need to focus, tea for when I need to calm down.) The real question is water or alcohol, to which the ratio is about 9:1 😉. (But no joke, I have found that staying adequately hydrated helps my writing process a LOT. glug glug)

35 (wild card): which character (if any) has changed the most as you wrote them, in terms of your interpretation or understanding of their character and choices? I know I mentioned the other day that I've started finding Meredith easier to write due to recent life events, and I think there's at least a handful of people who follow me here who would understand the full context of why that's the case, and probably a dozen more that could make a pretty educated guess based on what I've mentioned publicly! Because the explanation deals with pretty heavy mental health shit (psychosis, suicide) and is quite lengthy, I'm putting the rest of this answer under a cut.

Long story short, I think it's incredibly difficult to truly appreciate just how fucking weird brains can be when pushed to their absolute limits (especially where trauma is involved). And nothing quite encapsulates that for me more than the circumstances which lead to my involuntary hospitalisation on the other side of the planet last year! Basically, due to a cumulation of insanely stressful life factors between January and June last year, I ended up having a psychotic break featuring hallucinations, persecutory delusions, and delusions of grandeur. Unfortunately, I was still acting just normal enough before my pre-planned trip to the US last year that nobody quite picked up on it until after I left Australia (although in hindsight I was definitely having hallucinations before the trip). Anyway, I quickly grew more deranged after that due to a combination of factors, such as being socially isolated from my support network, missing my connecting flight to NYC at LAX (and absolutely lacking the executive function to rebook one), as well as being separated from my luggage. I also misplaced my wallet and glasses (but somehow managed to hold onto my passport, thank god). Thankfully, I did have my credit card details stored on my phone, so I managed to book a room in a Holiday Inn for several days, which I only left to eat at the McDonald's across the road in a state of constant hypervigilance. I became convinced that I was a secret CIA sleeper agent and that the CIA had killed my cousin (who had suicided some nine years prior). Eventually, I decided that I desperately needed to return to Australia and tried to make my way back to the Australian embassy, missing its closing time by 15 minutes. Lost and confused, I spent a lot of time wandering about in circles hoping that whoever was tailing me would lose my scent. I sent my lawyer an email from an Apple store stating that I had "shaken the fabric of reality and discovered my moral values" and that I wanted to go home now. I got hungry and hunkered down in a McDonald's again. I sat there for a while having occasional moments of clarity where I would be like 'holy shit I think I am losing my fucking mind'. During one of these moments, I asked to borrow the restaurant's phone and called 911 on myself. I then had a very vivid and soothing hallucination of my Honours thesis supervisor who I had not seen in a decade putting on a bad Australian accent (he's American) telling me that everything would be okay and I would get through this. Then the police turned up and I screamed at this LAPD officer about how I was a proud Australian citizen, that I was going to become PM one day, and that when I was Prime Minister (of Australia) I would ... *check notes* fix Los Angeles International Airport? And then I got sectioned. lol As for how all this relates to Meredith Stannard, I think it's very cool and sexy for me to have already been a massive fan of a character who more or less experiences canonical delusions (and implied hallucinations) so I can continue processing this absolutely bizarre batshit experience that happened to me the way I know best (terrorising fictional characters). It definitely gave me more insight into how somebody in that frame of mind (and not sleeping for days!!) might end up putting dots together that aren't there because their frames of reference are wrong, or they believe God is sending them signs, or what have you. tl;dr I was always fascinated by how Meredith's sanity slippage has a very slow build up (she carried that red lyrium sword around for YEARS!) for her to just finally snap the way she does, and although I have written snippets set in that time frame before, I think I'll be able to do it in an even better and more meaningful way now.

[the-hummelverse]

In terms of the hummelverse.com website, it's online again by the way! Been online for a couple months again already actually after the catastrophic failure and year-long downtime caused by moving it over from my previous hoster. But I didn't have any time to do much needed post-move maintenance so far, which I am slowly catching up with now.

Notes:

The website is now SSL-enabled (using https instead of http), but this doesn't really change anything except that some browsers/extensions should now be less likely to act like it's a malicious page trying to steal your credit card data... (This was genuinely the main reason why I had to change hosters, since the previous one would have charged me 10€ per month extra for it when most others out there have it as a free default for your contract???)

I thought the newsletter signup form was broken, but it only doesn't show up when I use Firefox on my desktop PC so maybe my adblocker is overly zealous. I haven't been writing any newsletters lately partly because of that, but now that I know the signup form isn't actually broken, I'll try to get back into the habit. That means if you cannot see it either on the homepage, please try a different browser or check if one of your browser extensions might be blocking it!

The art gallery works again, but uploading the images is very tedious and time-consuming. I forgot to move over the folder that contained all the images on the server, so I had to wipe the database and have to re-upload them all. It shouldn't interfere with the functionality of the website otherwise, though.

The tumblr post feed on the website is broken and I don't really know how to fix it since the API seems to have changed and I am not fully able to wrap my head around the new code. There's a chance that I'll figure it out eventually but it's very low priority for me right now, especially since I set up a webhook for the HV discord server that does the same job but in a more convenient manner.

The pages for the LEGENDS card game are there on the server, but I have to rework and update them with more current content/info. I'll do that as soon as I'm able and will add a link to the homepage once that's done. But it leads me to the next and last point:

As I've mentioned before I want to look into alternative solutions for selling/distributing both my books and my trading card game and the merchandise (bet most people didn't even know there IS merchandise....look, I'm very bad at this whole marketing think, ok?). There's also other Hummelverse things floating around like the free short horror video game I made ages ago and the pen&paper ruleset, for example. I am thinking of adding a sort of "hub" to the homepage that either provides a proper and complete list of links to all these miscellaneous things, or maybe even find a way to consolidate them onto my own website as completely as possible. This is still in the early musings phase, so don't expect to see much of this until a couple months down the line...

[openstorygames]

I've been thinking about how different people process large amounts of information.

This was something I was decently good at as a kid; school worked for me! But now, when the boundaries are more amorphous and I'm in charge of defining what I need to know and figuring out how to break it down, my ND brain doesn't always know where to start.

In fact, I don't have an efficient system for myself.

But I do have something that works for me, assuming I have the time I need.

First, I gather the info. This part is fun, especially if I'm dealing with a special interest. Deep dive, infodump into notes or at my husband or whatever.

Then, I organize it. I might type it up; I might make notecards. I might just put all that info into boxes in my mind. Depends on what I'm working on.

Once it's organized, I reorganize it.

Over and over until it sticks.

Here, like this:

I've been working on prepping for Gen Con. I'm running games for a publisher, and I have a lot of info to absorb and then teach in a limited amount of time.

I picked the pieces I can be strongest with. That took me a bit, but once I realized what I could be good at, I could somewhat release the other stuff. Nobody can do everything, especially on a tight schedule.

Then I started making notecards. I wrote the name of an action, rule, or ability on one side and its definition or effects on the opposite.

The first time I made the cards, I wrote the name in pencil and the definition/effects in black pen.

Next, I alphabetized them. That helped me make sure I had everything I needed, but it also got me familiar with the most important terms that will come up while I'm trying to run monsters or handle questions.

I split these cards into categories next. Combat actions, reactions, natural abilities, passive abilities, etc. I shuffled through the categories a few times until I had a reasonable number of cards in each one. I didn't want to have a category with just 1 or 2 cards in it.

Now I'm color coding the name side based on category. I'm erasing the penciled-in name and replacing it with Sharpie pen. Brown for general rules, for example. Purple for magic. And so on.

As I do that, I'm reading the back of each card out loud. Then, when I finish a category, I alphabetize it back into the main flashcard deck. When I put the card in its place, I quiz myself on the effects. It's working. By the time I'm done with this round of organizing, I'll have half of these cards memorized. Maybe more.

I tried to do this in high school with court cases for a mock Congress competition. Didn't have the executive function to make it work for me. Couldn't figure out when I had enough info, and I had far too much to memorize by the time I switched to organizing.

So it may be slow, but it's progress. And I'm happy with that!

[maximumninjavoid]

rewrites for Mining for Unobtanium

@indigosaurus she's AMAZING and really helped me....

so I took another dive at it and fixed some things.

the breaks aren't where they were.....Asterisks indicate emails

if you're under 18 or offended by secks and consensual BDSM, GO AWAY

feedback is always welcome

I'm not even certain how it happened. I was just slogging along like everyone else, checking off plagues on my 2020/ 2021 bingo card, trying not to lose my mind. I couldn't watch the news, THAT was an exercise in insanity: watching allegedly grown-ass humans argue about the benefits of their rights versus the health and wellbeing of thousands of others....fish tank cleaner, for crying out loud.....Horse de-wormer. I had been going to work every day. As an *essential* I quickly figured out THAT meant the same thing as expendable, but I loved my work, and loved my clients even more.

Home, work, home, work, occasional trips to the grocery, mask, gloves, wiping things off before I bring them in the house, and praying that I don't get sick. As an extrovert, all the things I would usually do to replenish are prohibited. So, no gathering with friends, no going out, no dinner parties, no seeing people, no performances, nothing. Sure, zoom. But that's not the same.

And then the phone rang.

And I looked at my cell, and I didn't even recognize the sequence of numbers, and the program I have that blocks Unknown callers kicked in, and that was that, or so I thought. It rang again. And again. Fourteen times from that odd sequence of numbers, no area code I was familiar with. When I'm home, the phone is on its charger. No one calls me. Truly. I'll get messengered. I get IMs through various programs, but almost no one calls. Especially with my work schedule. I honestly didn't know there were that many calls. I'm headed out to work in the morning, it's about four am when I leave, and that when I see how many calls have come from that odd number. " Determined little bugger aren't they? " and I hop in my little black Club Edition Miata MX5 and turn on Pandora to my 80's Euro-pop and start shredding gears.

I'm not going to apologize for my musical taste. Some of it's a function of my age. I happen to like ABC and Scritti Politti. I think "My Aim Is True" was LIGHT YEARS ahead of its time. Besides, it's great to listen to while driving a six-speed manual, and I get to work in a great mood. So far, pretty much like any other pandemic day. Phone appointments with clients, stay on top of my documentation, grab a smoke where I can, and Google that phone number.

Which is where it got weird. Turns out, it's a what do you call it? A Solicitor? Some firm in the UK. Lots of names; their website looks lovely, but that doesn't tell me much. Why in the name of Odin's panties would a solicitor be trying to reach me? I mean, that didn't make any sense. I've never even been to the UK, and the closest I got to Europe was three hours in Orly airport about a hundred years ago when they took all our luggage off the plane, had all of us deplane; in the rain, I might add ..... So we could all identify our bags and get back on the plane. I was eight.

I added the solicitor's number to my contacts, figuring that would stop it from getting blocked by Robokiller, and then perhaps they might leave a message or something. I went on about my day and didn't give it another thought.

Soon, it would consume my every thought. How was I to know....

They left a message. A rather cryptic message. I must have played it six times and when I pulled over I read it an additional four times.

“We are trying to contact you at the behest of our client to set up an initial meeting to ascertain if terms may be agreed upon for a mutually beneficial relationship. The client wishes your knowledge and expertise in certain areas and would insist upon the utmost discretion. ”

Reasonably certain I am nowhere in line for the throne, and even more certain I have not been left a peerage, I’m at a loss as to what this is even about. I mean at one time I had been told that my biological father was English, a subject of the Crown. Having gone looking for medical insight and falling into that rabbit hole known as “every genealogical and DNA site known to humankind” I now know that is a fiction. There goes the last imaginary stab at long lost relations across the pond, right? I put it in the back of my brain and then I got an IM from a dear friend and MC I have had the pleasure of working with, “you’ll never guess who wants to talk to you!!!!’“

I look at the instant message and assume it is a prank. I send him love, inquire after his husband and cats, and then, almost ladylike, I tell him to sod off. “Oh you’ll be eating those words, you will. I swear on her Majesty the Queen’s diamond tiaras". OK. Surely he was serious. Gay men do not swear on crown jewels frivolously. John calls and regales me with the story of his last gig pre pandemic at Fringe Festival in Edinburgh and the massive crowds, and how well it was going...John says “One day this bloke comes backstage with his mates and they were quite taken with the international man of leather bit. It seemed they had a tonne of questions”, and while Jon said they’re good-looking, they…..didn’t play for his team. So we chat a bit about that, and then he says he has to ring off.

I’m still befuddled.

I get home, kick off my shoes, take off my damned bra, and there’s a knock on the door. I look out the little window and it’s a person in a polo, from a courier service. I open the door a crack, they ask my name, I confirm my identity, show proof, and they hand me this envelope. Very mysterious. Ok. This is some next- level weird shit. Is there a cell phone in the package? Will it direct me to take the red pill and meet Morpheus? Become unplugged from the matrix? So, I light a cigarette, grab my reading glasses and see just how far through the looking glass we are about to venture.

It appears to be a non-disclosure agreement. Pretty serious shit, I might add, that will penalize my sole descendant and her descendants, which by the bye do NOT exist as of this date, in many courts, in several languages, in perpetuity. If I agree to the terms, I am to sign it, scan it, email it, and upon receipt, a link will be sent for a secured video call, but not with the principal. Well, it wasn’t worded that succinctly. The language was a bit more flowery. And in Legalese. Oh for crying out loud….. I cannot even imagine for whom THIS level of crazy would be necessary, but now, my curiosity has got the best of me, and I’m in.

Not only do I sign, I add a drop of blood and the retinal image from my last eye exam ( what? You didn’t ask to keep yours?) I figured if we’re going to be extra, well, by all means, let’s be extra as FUCK. No sense in trying to disguise my sense of humor, either.

Off it goes, inconveniencing electrons, and then there’s the email notification. Secure video call. My God. I click the link, seven extra steps and I’m video chatting with a very nice man in a very nice suit who explains that his client would like to engage my services.

"My services? For what, exactly?” I’m running the possibilities through my head. Slapping drinks out of the hand of a Kardashian adjacent ne’er do well? Certainly not as an MC or a joke writer. I don’t know how to write jokes. I can tell stories, but that doesn’t seem likely as an engagement of this magnitude. No one pay that much money for a story teller. By process of elimination it appears safe to assume that this might be connected to …… umm……. My extra curricular activities.

This seems as good a time as any to explain, I suppose. I’ve been a part of the Leather Community for some time now. Kink, sure, but Leather is different. Not just in the material.

If kink encompasses a whole list of things; think you may have seen, things you might even have done, and you may not even identify yourself as kinky. That’s really ok, perfectly fine. At some point you might decide “ hey, I AM kinky” and we’ll be right here waiting for you, eager to show you all our toys and the cool things we learned along the way, various tips and tricks, wardrobe options, all the things we gush over with other like minded folx.

And while I did say Kink, and you’ve probably connected the dots to BDSM being a part of that- I did specifically say Leather. Leather, TO ME, and I really do need to clarify that this definition is situational, contextual and not universal, is about a set of shared values. Honor, service, duty, community, family; it informs the way in which I move in the world as much as the twelve Steps do. It is about how I treat people, how I would like to be treated, it encompasses integrity, honesty and my personal ethical compass as well as my love of mixing sex and power. It’s between consenting adults, there are rules, protocol, a hierarchical structure, AND it makes my heart happy.

Back in the day, all right not THAT long ago, I was a Femme Domme of some renown. I had submissives, slaves, people in service to me. I travelled around this part of the globe teaching classes at conferences about interpersonal dynamics within hierarchical relationships, classes on negotiation, safety, the ins and outs of entry in the Community and I loved giving back that information which was freely given to me at the start of my journey. I played in conference dungeons with all manner of implements of destruction. I had written more than a few published articles and I still MCed and judged contests.

It HAD to be that, right? But why me?

“Well, we would like to retain you, as an advisor. You’ll be compensated, of course. Your travel will be taken care of, as well as the quarantine period and any testing. Should you travel while we are still experiencing restrictions due to the Global Health Crisis, you would fly privately, and expect to spend fourteen days in a superior accommodation until the end of the quarantine. Then, you would travel with our client. Your meals would be provided, you would be paid a generous per diem…”

“ Exactly how long did you imagine you might need my advisory services, do you figure?

"Well…..we were thinking approximately six months with the option to extend.”

And I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. My brain had vapor locked. SIX MONTHS? I had a job, a life, and a home, and bills and things. Regular people stuff. I couldn’t just chuck it all for half a year, could I?

“I do have a career I’m quite fond of, and I’m not ready to retire…. ”

“Your compensation will be more than worth the inconvenience….” And he threw out an almost incomprehensible number. Six figures. For six months of work. And no expenses. I actually could retire. “Ok. Who is your client, and in what capacity do they want me to advise?”

“ We would have to calculate the time difference, coordinate schedules, and get back with you. You’ll be hearing from us in a few days. Good to have you onboard”. And the phone call ended.

Right as that happened my phone notification went off. My bank showed a wire deposit of eight thousand dollars.

Indecorously, I’m certain my mouth was agape. Eight thousand dollars, for a phone call? Surely they were barking mad. Criminals, perhaps. Something. This was just so…..weird. I took the documents to bed, picked out my clothes for the next day, then re-read them as I wound down for bed.

Thankfully there was the usual amount of sheer chaos at work to occupy my thoughts and I got through my sympathy unscathed.

The drive home was fun. I can always fix anything with six gears, loud music, and ignoring the posted speed limit. I had a few hours, so I did dishes, tossed in a load of washing, and was about to get a few more chapters done in my edX Harvard class when the phone rang.

An odd set of numbers? Check. Similar to the Solicitors office? Check.

“ Hello? Yes, this is. How can I help? Secure call? Yes, I’ll hold… ” and I’m sure that my heart could be heard pounding through my chest…. “Hello.” This lush beautiful full-bodied husky voice on the other end…. “ do I have the pleasure of speaking with miss Y/L/N? ” “ yes, this is. You appear to have me at a disadvantage, I don’t believe I got your name? ”

“You didn’t.”

“ Are you shy, cautious, or just a bit of a rake, kind sir? ” He laughed, and it was an infectious sound. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him, charming. Very charming. “Then how do you prefer I address you? Sire? My Lord? Sultan? Or perhaps Daddy is more to your liking.” That got me a sharp intake of breath…..I smile, make note of that.

“Was there some purpose for this call, or do you usually make secure phone calls for no apparent reason?” Silence. I could hear background noise, but he didn’t speak. “ You’ve paid for my time, if you would prefer we spend it silently, so be it. I will put you on speaker, so I can at least continue with my classwork. ”

“Classwork? In what subject? ” That voice. Twenty years in radio and I process everything through my ears; his voice was dynamic, rich tones, well-modulated. “It’s a class on the Opioid Epidemic. When I finish, I’ll have a certificate from Harvard to add to my collection.”

“ Collection? ”

“Yes, I collect alphabets.”

“ You what? ”

I laughed. “It’s a bit of a euphemism: for letters, after my name. Professional certifications. ”

“I hope you don’t think THAT’S why I’m contacting you…”

“ Truthfully? It crossed my mind. There’s no shame in getting help if you need it, and I can see where having a personal sober coach would be a benefit. That would explain the drop everything and travel. ”

More silence. Not awkward, but not at the companionable stage, either.

“Well, I’m not planning on calling you by some honorific, and you still haven’t provided your name, so I shall give you a name. Yes. From two of my favorite book titles. Hero Solo. All right, Mister Solo… What is it you need from little old me?”

And then he laughed again, a deep belly laugh, like there was a great joke, but, clearly, I wasn’t in on it. When he stopped laughing he said “ I ran into a friend of yours. I was with friends and he was doing stand-up comedy, and some of the things he talked about were…… Intriguing, shall we say? So I went round after and one thing led to another and he said you were the woman I needed to find. ”

Now the gears are spinning, processor speed doubling every few seconds, a United Kingdom stand-up act…. and it clicks into place. "I can teach you what I know, and what I like. But there are still issues that may prove insurmountable.

For you see, Mister Solo, I know who you are, and why you came to me. “

Having finally figured it out, who the caller was, I was amazed I hadn’t freaked out and hung up. Internally I was fangirling my ass off, OMG I am on the phone with HENRY CAVILL.

And I can’t tell anyone. Damn my ethical standards to seven hells, and that Non-Disclosure Agreement didn’t help, either. But, it made sense. I had gotten some scene vibes from watching him. From some of his roles, August Walker, if I have to tell you, but also in interviews, and thought there might have been something else besides Big Dick Energy there.

Thankfully, he spoke. “ Issues? Like why I had to have solicitors involved? ”

“Well, that, of course. But there are other considerations. While what it is we do has become more mainstream, it is still taboo, and playing with sex and power can have consequences. Especially for dominant men. Too easily twisted, and too easily misconstrued. And, you have a bright future to consider. Fifty shades of crap did a great deal more PR harm. I mean, if Christian Grey hadn’t been wealthy, it would have been an episode of Criminal Minds.”

He laughed again “ John said you were funny.

“Oh I’ll have you holding your sides, but I’m not professionally funny. I do like your laugh, so that’s an incentive. But, here’s something you may not have considered. How do you explain me? I cannot just pop into your universe, and become some orbiting satellite. I mean, look at you for fucks sake.” I knew I was starting to sound a bit exasperated, but it couldn’t be helped. “I’m ….. Well…..I’m …. Well shit. I’m at least twenty years older than you are.You can’t be seen with me. You’re not Keanu Reeves, and even Keanu Reeves took a ration of flack for dating a woman his age. And, besides, I look like, well…. Me. ”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. You do realize I have seen photos of you. I don’t believe they do you justice.” That voice. Those words. And I wanted to let it pour all over me like a balm for my bruised soul. I could feel it oozing into the dented places, soothing the hurts. “ So you admit to being a stalker too, Hero? I hope you got great shots of me on my way to work. Or did you pay someone to hack my social media? That’s rich! ” Now I was laughing.

I could genuinely like this man, and that was a great place to start. But, I still had a mirror, and he still had paparazzi. We’d been on the phone for three hours, and it felt like minutes, but, I had to go.

“ This has been delightful. I’ll send your money back. I feel terrible for taking it. The NDA will remain in effect until the stars fall from the sky, or the end of the world. You’re safe. Thank you for a lovely conversation. Goodbye. ”

And I hung up.

I only wished I could stop thinking about it. And him.

As though the Gods themselves had conspired to create a perfect man.

Tall, broad shoulders, thick dark hair, blue eyes that I swear could see through me, with that brown part in one eye, so he’s still mortal. Strong chest, covered with the perfect amount of hair….. Which I was willing to bet was the right combination of crisp and soft. So you’d want to play with it, bury your face in it but just rough enough to harden your nipples.

Well as it turns out the solicitor was having none of that. They sent a rather tersely worded email reminding me I was under contract and that the funds would not be able to be returned and that I may wish to rethink the terms I had agreed to and they expected me to fulfill my obligation. Damn my sense of leather sensibilities and that ethical compass. Now I had to figure out how to make this work in some way shape or form.

Days pass. I go to work, do my thing, help a friend through a rough spot, and find myself reading entertainment industry sites. Can you roll your eyes at yourself? Is that internal, or is there a facial expression that accompanies that action?

I deduce he’s in Hungary, try and fail to calculate the difference in time ( I have always sucked at time mathematics) and while I know there’s an app for that, I have no idea what a production schedule looks like. I also have no comprehension of what a typical day might be, or if there even is such a thing. I send an email to the Solicitors General and suggest that email may be a temporary solution, given scheduling constraints, and make a call.

“Benji! I am so glad I caught you! You aren’t currently dressing anyone fun? …Not that you can tell me at the moment…..did you ever get contact information for whoever did those designs for Patti Lupone in Ryan Murphy’s Hollywood? I know!!!! "We both squealed. "She looked AMAZING! " we said practically in unison. "So do you have a few minutes? Can I pick your brain? What does a typical day look like for a principal, on location?”

I took notes. Good intelligence and reconnaissance are always important. Turns out there isn’t any typical. It'sseldom what they need to shoot, but rather what got screwed up, what requires different angles, or lighting, or even who needs to be worked around. Maybe the horse is having a bad day.

Maybe I could find out what his interests were, what he’d done, what worked, what didn’t, what he wanted. See if he’d read anything or if he needed to unlearn any foolishness, and in the meantime, I’d do my best to keep my mind from wandering off on tangents about hoping he was switchy. That maybe he wanted to feel what it was like to not be in control, or there were sensations he was very interested in exploring.

Oh, I’d very much like to restrain him and tease him. I would love to see what sorts of noises he might make…. Moans? Growls? Threats? Promises of retaliation? Sharp intakes of breath? I wondered how fun it might be to edge….see how close I could get him to cumming, and then stop. With my hands or my mouth, show him what a woman with very little gag reflex is capable of. Or slow down, or change gears. How many times could I do that, I mean before he exploded?

Part of me KNOWS that he is busy, working. But the asshole who lives in my head cannot resist the opportunity for a stroll around my neuroses. He’s not going to contact you….. Because LOOK AT YOU. It’s good that you’re funny. At least you have that. You had your few minutes. Be grateful for the call and the laughs that you got. It’ll never be anything more. Don’t kid yourself loser.

And can we just talk about THAT for a minute? As someone who spends a bit of time in the public eye, granted a different public, but still.. and who had gotten misquoted and had it taken out of context and then there was a shit storm, you completely understood where that whole debacle had come from. His parents raised him and his brothers to be gentlemen. If he ever even did anything that would make his mother wince, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

And we’re not talking about “ alternative” sexual activities between consenting adults, right? We’re talking about actual consent violations, Harvey Weinstein stuff, the things that make you need a Silkwood shower. He likes wooing women, loves flirting, enjoys that whole interplay, but in the current climate, he could see where there might be a potential minefield.

He’s famous. Why do you think he had to have you sign a non-disclosure that was binding three generations forward? As in your great-grandchildren, yet unborn, couldn’t talk about this? Some people look for an easy out, sell their stories to tabloids. I mean that triad, where one of them was a fucking sex doll? And they ( the other two ) talked about her ( I am assuming her gender pronouns based upon her looks and I shouldn’t, but as the doll is mute it cannot verbalize any other preference) as though the doll were an actual third party in the relationship WHO WAS AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT.

And when people started talking about it on social media, had all the nerve to be offended that misconceptions were being fostered. Darlings, YOU gave the interview to the tabloid.

So in interview he said ““There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman,” he said. “There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.” Cavill went on, saying, “It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something.’ So you’re like, ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked,’” he said. “But it’s way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I’m someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what’s going to happen? Now? Now you really can’t pursue someone further than, ‘No.’ It’s like, ‘O.K., cool.’ But then there’s the, ‘Oh why’d you give up?’ And it’s like, ‘Well because I didn’t want to go to jail?’”

And I can see that he’s a) old school and b) loves women.

To silence the asshole that lives in my head, I researched. There’s not a lot of anything about this man to be found on the interwebs. Pictures, Photoshoots, Ad campaigns, that horrid GQ Australia interview.

I can also see that he has no idea what the “new rules are” if one could put words in his mouth.

And he thinks that it would be easier to go back to someone he already had a ‘ relationship ‘ with because it’s a known commodity, even if it didn’t work.

And you can’t fault him for THAT, we’ve all done it.

Oh come on, a show of hands, everyone that had sex with an ex because you really needed sex and the battery-operated boyfriend was not cutting it.

I keep trying to do research, see who and what I’m dealing with. I mean between living my ordinary mortal life, paying bills, fretting about clients, making my productivity numbers. What surprises me is the utter lack of anything even remotely negative about this guy. No one has anything bad to say about him. His third-grade teacher, the kid down the street who used to play toy soldiers with him, heck, even the women he’s no longer dating have NOTHING bad to say about this man.

That tells me one of two things. Either a ) he really is some kind of a pod person and he’s an artificial construct; or b ) he really actually is that nice.

I’m cynical. I have a hard time believing B. But, all the data tells me otherwise. I watch hours of video, read all manner of articles, talk to people that work in the industry. Everyone says the same thing. “ What a great guy, Lovely, really. Nicest man, So kind. Someone you could really just talk to , I mean if he weren’t a world famous superstar. Not at all stuck up”

But, there are some interesting tidbits. Like that whatever that was with that actress from Big Bang Theory. That was a PR stunt. I think they were together for a coffee. He was with Marisa Gonzalo, who is a game hunter……. Odd choice considering his causes, and well she went and posted pictures of their vacation to social media, and whoops, trap door opened and she fell through. I think she engineered that whole thing, finding out the gym where he worked out and putting herself right in his path.

The women he seems to have stayed with the longest are Gina Carano ( The Mandalorian) and The professional show jumper…. what was her name….. they were ENGAGED for crying out loud….. but, the common thread is, I think with those women he didn’t have to hold back. I mean, he could. That’s always an option, to be gentle, soft, tender. But at over six feet, all that training, all that muscle, all…. that….. thrusting power……to HAVE to hold back, because you’re afraid you’ll damage your partner? Actually hurt them? and , you know not in a nice way? Like not in that “ oooh every time I sit down, I get that twinge in my nether regions and then I recall how I got that_ particular_ soreness and it makes me blush, and my undergarments get dampened” that sort of thing? More like “ I think I may have torn something and they might have to put an episiotomy stitch or two in that” sort of thing.”

Come on. We’ve all seen the pictures.

Blue sweat pants. You know EXACTLY the pictures I’m talking about. That is NOT the introductory class. Not by any ( pardon the pun ) stretch of the imagination. { I know, I’ll see myself out }

So I think that is part of why he is looking for additional dimensions to his extra curriculars, as maybe that might be a key. And I can see it. A submissive or a slave would inherently be more willing, more geared to his wants and desires, and if he were the proper sort of ethical owner operator, then he would be more geared to hers. It is after all power exchange, not power theft. If you’re going to surrender your will to another individual it’s based upon a deep level of trust and love that they’re going to cherish you and care for you and not do anything to damage you. That everything is consensual, negotiated and communicated.

It’s like a very complicated but elegant tango, really. So stunning to watch. Mesmerizing, looks effortless, but so much goes into it, years of work and practice, to make it look that seamless and easy. But that’s how he approaches things. This is the person who thought that the leather jerkin for The Witcher needed to look ‘ lived in’ so he lived in it. Slept in it, wore it constantly. Didn’t have some production person do it, HE did it. Does his own stunts. He doesn’t have to, he’s just that invested, and just that authentic. So , if this speaks to him, this power exchange, this Dominance and submission, then he’s going to approach it the same way, I would imagine.

Makes me wonder what he’s up to, wherever he is……

The phone rings.

It’s that odd series of numbers again, and it’s been a while but, I know, he’s busy. International superstar and all that. Filming, training, playing with his Bear Dog Kal. Yes, I know, not actually a bear, but a pretty good impersonation, really.

“ Yes? “

“ Is that how you answer a telephone?”

“Only when I know it’s you, Hero.” Trying to calculate the time difference is making my brain hurt. I light a cigarette and wait.

There’s a few moments of static and silence and then he speaks. Gotcha.

“ I read some of your writing. It’s …… not traditional. I rather like your perspective.”

“Thank you. Was it difficult to locate?”

“ No, not once I had the right parameters.”

“ Well, I do apologize for some of the drivel that surrounded it”.

Again, that laugh. “ That was more what I had come to expect, and not at all what I was looking for, really. “

“ Where do you find the time? “

“ Well, my schedule is a bit unusual, so I have time, it’s just not when one would expect. And I also found those two books. The Third Piano Concerto? Rachmaninoff? That was really quite a tale.”

“It’s one of my favorites. I read it at least once a year, despite the fact I can probably recite it from memory. I’m surprised no one’s made it into a film.”

“ Was that a..?”

“No, no not at all”, and I laughed.

He had some questions about my take on D/s dynamics and how I saw it a bit differently, that I didn’t think it possible that oneperson’s needs could be met simply by meeting the needs of another person. And that it wasn’t possible for it to be elegant gold chains and constant cocksucking, with a platinum butt plug in twenty two hours a day. Real life, you know? We have jobs and families and parents and responsibilities and interests, and fiction isin fact fiction, for a reason.

He talked about how it intrigued him, and I asked him which side of the dynamic. There was a long silence. In fact I wasn’t certain if the connection had been lost, but I waited. He said he wasn’t sure. I said that there was no shame in not deciding, and that it was perfectly reasonable to want to explore prior to making any determination.

“ Did you buy the first Bentley you saw, or did you drive one or two? Maybe take an Aston Martin for a spin? Pretend you were a Bad Guy in a Bond movie and get behind the wheel of a Jaguar? Drive a high end pasta rocket until you realized there is no place to put take away? “

“ Yes, exactly” .

“ What you need is a test drive. You have no idea what you like, but you probably have a better idea of what you don’t, perhaps.”

He paused again. “ Late at night, when I’m by myself, I know what excites me. I know what gets me hard. And it isn’t always the same things. And I’m not certain what to do about that.”

“ They’re fantasies. And they’re yours. You do whatever you like with them. If you want to try them out, great. If you want to keep them to yourself, that’s great too. Some of them are meant to stay in our heads. There’s no judgement. But, you won’t know unless you try. And I’m the safest person to try.”

“ I had hoped you would say that. I really had hoped you would say that “

“ I know. My role is to figure out what it is you want, even if you can’t tell me , or don’t quite know, and then serve it to you, on a silver platter. The term you’re looking for is Service Top.”

The phone calls continued, at odd hours. He would occasionally leave voicemails, saying things like “ I know you’re at work, but I wanted to pick your brain about….. ” or “you’re probably asleep, I don’t know what time it is there…” At one point I suggested emails, so if he wanted to discuss something then he could just send it, and not have to concern himself with time constraints .

I almost wish I hadn’t. I found myself checking my email more often, and my pulse racing when I saw one from him. He was sharp, inquisitive. Had stellar questions and a brilliant mind. Rather unfair, really, to be that good looking, nice AND smart. At this point now I’m starting to look for his Shakespearean tragic flaw. Like, there has to be SOMETHING wrong with him, doesn’t there?

He tells me how production is going, the training and the fight scenes. I give him shit about the comment he made in an interview about Geralt’s leather pants and how they had to change that because the leather would stretch out and then look….. Baggy. “ You ride a Ducati, don’t you? ” “You know that I do.”

“And do you ride in khakis? ”

“No, that would be excessively foolish. One dresses for the fall.”

“ And your riding gear is leather, yes? Does it get…. What was the word you used in the interview? Baggy? ” I was thankful in that moment we weren’t doing video calls. I don’t think I could keep a coherent thought in my head with that face looking right at me, while that voice was speaking to me at the same time. That’s enough to fry a woman’s circuits. Well, mine, anyway. And there was that damned laugh again. It turned my insides to goo. If the heat in my face was any indication, I was probably blushing. And I’m reasonably certain I do not blush.

“So you’re saying if they were made out of the right leather…..?”

“ Exactly. Leather pants should fit like you were dipped in leather, and left to dry. That spectacular ass you work so hard on should be framed like the work of art that it is, and if I’m to be completely candid… ”

“As if I could stop you…”

“ You did contract for my opinion …. You’d be sin personified in the right pair of leather pants. And the right cock ring. But I’m not certain I’d share that vision with anyone. Certainly not the media. There’s quite enough speculation about your endowments, and if we gathered all that up and prominently displayed it, well, I daresay I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the cardiac incidents. ”

I ask him to have his costuming measurements sent. I may have a trick or two up my sleeve. I know someone who does couture leather. Works with theaters and television. He tells me they will be wrapping up soon, and hopefully won’t need reshoots. I ask how much time before the press tour and he says he has maybe a month after they finish shooting, maybe more. “ Hmmmm. A month. That would be a start. Are you ready? ”

There’s a pause. I hear him breathing. I hear ice cubes in a glass. I wait.

“Yes. I mean, I think so. Or, I will be. That didn’t come out right. I sound like an idiot.”

“ You sound honest. Which is the perfect starting point. ”

“ So, what now? ”

“All sorts of things. Fun things, boring things, logistics, because you’re a royal pain in the ass, do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to locate an evil overlord impenetrable lair on short notice? Much less to MY exacting standards? And some basics. Ground rules. Limits. Interests. …I have assignments for you.”

“ Ok. ……Ma'am ”

“Oh, you’re going to be delightful, and probably evil on the other side of the switch. That’s why we need ground rules. And safe words. Ma'am….. Oh you make my cold black heart go pitter patter, Hero. Anticipatory behavior gets rewarded. I’ll mark that in your book. ”

I told him to find an exhaustive list of activities, fetishes and kinks and mark all that he had done, and loved, done and liked, done and didn’t care one way or the other about, done and never wanted to try again, NEVER EVER wanted to try, was interested in but hadn’t done, thought about, and which ones got him harder than Graduate Calculus. He said he would and rang off.

After that phone call I laid there, covered in a light sheen of sweat, panting, cunt throbbing, aching to be completely full of cock, and having to be content with the orgasms I had. I rolled over, lit a cigarette and contemplated the twists my life had taken of late. It was almost incomprehensible. And it occurred to me I hadn’t been paid lately, and I wasn’t entirely certain that I minded. But apparently thinking about it triggered something at the solicitor, and sure enough, another balance notification. I called my friend that did couture leather and asked if they had time to construct a few things. Measurements sent and funds transferred, I felt rather pleased with myself. Very cat with a saucer of cream, you know?

I had gotten the list back of the kinks and fetishes, and, as I expected, he was thorough, and precise. There were things he was interested in exploring, and things he wanted to experience, and he specified which he had done, and which he wanted to do, and from which side of the equation. I smiled. I KNEW he was switchy.

It didn’t change the fact that he had yet to lay eyes on me. That he hadn’t come face to face with the age difference, my additional pounds, and all of that could still be a deal breaker. Oh. Great. Hello, asshole that lives in my head. I figured you would show up about now. I was having too good of a time for you not to destroy it. So, sure, hit the highlight feel and let’s revisit EVERY bad decision I’ve made since third grade. I lit another cigarette. This was going to be a long night.

Now, in the right frame of mind, for the right individual, I can be very submissive. But I’m much more of a bottom. I’d prefer to still be in control….. Ok, we’ll do this ,this, this, you’ll do this to me, this to me, and, then, we will fuck like wild animals…..ready? Go!

Nothing jumped out at me as I went down the list, face fucking, choking, some August Walker shit…. Not surprised…bondage, edging, orgasm control, restraint, ice, wax, knives…..ooooh… I LOVE knives….hair brush spankings, I’ll bet that goes with the Daddy thing…teasing, spanking, hair pulling, oh, yes…..this was going to be fun!

If this was actually going to happen, then I needed to start putting things into motion. I called a friend at Mr. S in San Francisco, and gave them my shopping list. Butter soft leather, custom construction, suspension cuffs, wrist and ankle restraints, a few brand new floggers, one in certain for warm ups, one in buffalo that’s thuddy, almost like a massage, and then I started searching my stored toys.

Paddles, canes, needles, first aid kits, my singletails, harness, dicks, it had been a while since I had a submissive of my own, but, some things a Domme can never part with. It gave me something else to focus on rather than my rising panic. Even if I strapped myself to a treadmill and ate a rice cake a day…..just stop. We are not even going there.

Having extra money means things get done faster, shipped faster and in a matter of days I had the leather pants and all the custom work from Mr S. Yes, I wickedly overpaid. I even bought new leather suitcases. Well, toy bags. Suitcases. Whatever.

The next time the phone rang, it caught me off guard. I had been daydreaming, I suppose. Thinking about actually meeting him. Seeing that face, those eyes, and looking at me, and smiling. I don’t even think I registered the ring tone. “ Hello? ”

"Oh, it’s hello now, is it?“

” Yes, well, one must try to keep some air of mystery…. You must be completely done in. Any new injuries? “

” So far I have been fortunate, the training has really paid off. I am looking forward to not wearing contact lenses for a while. “

We talked about Kal, the press schedule, what was next, the new Netflix movie and I said I really like the longer curls. "Just enough to grab a hold of” and he got quiet.

“ And where do you think we’ll be going? Know of an island, do you? Where they won’t impound Kal? Someplace you don’t get mobbed? Wait, I know… Another planet? You haven’t even told me your name.

"Did I cross a line?”

“ No. … I …. Just….. ”

“You think you might enjoy that. You’re surprised I mentioned it. I think there’s a great deal you may enjoy. And I’ll have you know I’m working very hard to not sing ’ A Whole New World’ from Aladdin very off key. I’m a terrible singer but enthusiastic. But that’s….”

“ not the point” he interrupted. “These phone calls and emails are great. But I… We…. Can’t make any inroads this far apart. I know you’ll need a two week head start, for quarantine, even if you have a negative Covid test. ”

“And you haven’t even asked my name. “

And I hung up the phone and I had a good cry.

I did a few laps in my pity pool, a bit of water ballet, since I was already wet, and then I shook it off. You’re too old for that flavor of foolishness, I told myself, and I tried to get on about my business. All right, maybe I did need a bit more concealer than usual, but, that’s not the point.

My work was rewarding. Exhausting but rewarding and I dearly loved my clients. About three hours into my day a delivery man arrived, asking for me. My director pointed my office out and an enormous floral arrangement came around the corner. It looked like it was moving under its own power, since the person carrying it was actually obscured from view. White roses, green roses, hyacinth and Lily of the valley. Fresh start, new beginnings, and deeply traditional apology flowers. They smelled heavenly. I had no idea where I was going to put them. They were bigger than the clear space on my desk. I thanked the delivery person and went to get my work bag to tip them. “Oh, no, ma'am, that’s been taken care of, more than generous, really, thank you.”

I reached for the card.

My darling, can I call you that? Of course I DO know your name, Lord knows I’ve moaned it a time or two in the recent weeks, I’m surprised you didn’t feel me. I feel that connected to you.

I knew right the moment it went pear shaped, and I didn’t mean to come off as such a wanker. I just thought you felt it too. If you don’t forgive me, I shall have no other alternative than to learn the Rach Three, and join the French Foreign Legion.

Yours,

Henry William Dalgliesh Cavill

ps did I mention how absolutely sorry I am? Can I make it up to you over dinner? At four, your time?

What the apricot flavored fuck was he up to?Dinner? At four? Ok, that completely fits with my schedule,but he’s on the other side of the planet, and I’m not sure how this works. Instead, I wafted on the intoxicating fragrance of the flowers, tucked the note VERY close to my heart, and smiled when everyone and their cousin wanted to know why I got flowers.

“Just because I’m amazeballs."

” Damn straight.. That in fact you are! “

“All right I’m handing out homework for group, cause Miss Rona is no fun at all. Get it back to me TOMORROW, or you don’t get credit! “

I wish I had video of me trying to get this arrangement of flowers into my two seater. That was all flavors of funny. There was no way it went in the trunk, it didn’t quite fit on the floorboard, I didn’t want have to put the top down and let the wind at highway speed have at it. But, I prevailed, got it in the house and managed to make a section presentable for a zoom date. I stood in front of my closet for a good 45 minutes, freaking out. What do I wear? All dressed? Casual? Waist up? Alluring? Slutty? Screw that. It’s August. The temperature is best described as Satan’s front porch. Elegant and comfortable. Maybe my stomach will settle and I won’t throw up.

At precisely 3:45 my doorbell rings, and it is delivery people. I open the door and they come in and set up a small table , set it, plate the food, put some things in the kitchen and leave!

Food’s out, my mouth watering, and you have an upcoming video talk with possibly the world’s most good looking man. Nothing to panic about, at all.

I look and find a case of all the different flavors of No 1 water and remind myself to thank him for that as well. Mint. Ok. Let’s give that a try.

And throwing any and all caution ( and self preservation, I suppose) to the wind, I power up the laptop, and click the zoom link in the email.

Yes, by the way, it IS possible to drink a half a bottle of No 1 mint water in one swallow, especially if you’re desert parched and nervous as fuck.

And then my heart stops. And I swear to every God and Goddess I can recall, time stands still, and I’m praying that my mouth is not hanging open, because he is perfection. The angles of his cheekbones. That jaw line. Oh my God those blue eyes. Literally I could just fall into them, and never be heard from again, and I would be ok with that. The slightly messy sable curls, begging to have hands run through it, and all of this is short circuiting my poor overloaded brain in the space of SECONDS.

"Hi”

Seriously? Hi??? Is that the best you can do? You blithering idiot. Just turn off the computer, and find a hole to crawl into.

" Thank you for accepting my apology, and my dinner invitation. I really am sorry that I made such a dog’s dinner of it. I just, well, we were getting on so well, and it was comfortable, and I made a cock up of it. “

I remembered to breathe. In and out. You’ve been doing it for years…

” Well, I suppose I will let it go this once, but I reserve the privilege of punishing you later. “ And I smiled.

He looked down for an instant and then back at me, through his lashes, and there was a wicked twinkle there that wasn’t present before. "Deal.”

Dinner was delicious, and if I told you I recalled what I ate, it would be a bald-faced lie. It was eleven in Hungary, and the end of a long day for him, I’m certain, but the conversation was easy and light and a little flirty. I have no idea when I grew a set of balls that big, but, since no one had come back to tell me that reincarnation was a thing, I might as well swing for the fences. At about the two hour mark, I realized I was probably being very selfish and I should let him get to bed, and said as much.

"That’s the thing that technology lacks…“

” what’s that? “ I asked

"At the end of a marvelous date, I would see you home, and then I would take you in my arms, and I would kiss you. First kisses are important. You can tell a great deal about a person from how they approach a kiss.”

" You mean like long, slow, soft, wet, deep kisses, that last three days? “

"And the small of a woman’s back, and opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve”

"Thank you for a lovely evening, Henry"

"Thank you, y/n"

The next morning there was an email.

***The other thing I rather dislike about current technology is that I would have preferred to write this to you on proper paper. With an actual pen. There is something about the right paper stock, the feel of it, how the ink glides along the page. I do so love handwritten correspondence. Perhaps we can make that part of our dynamic. That is what we are constructing, is it not? I would hate to think we were not, for I feel as though we are, and I find myself floating in it, and at the oddest moments.

I spend, as you might guess, a great deal of time in make up and hair, and I use the time to go over lines and scripts ,changes, fight choreography, and then I see your eyes, laughing, with me, and I feel warm inside, and content. In a way I can’t quite put into words, but I definitely want more of, and soon. I think of things I want to talk to you about, and there is so much that I don’t know. I really should start keeping a list. I think about how your hair fell in front of your face during dinner, and the way that your voice changes in tone and how that does something to me. I want to lose myself in you. Can I do that? Will you allow me that?

The difference in our age doesn’t make a DAMN bit of difference to me. I find you captivating, elegant and so very real. You intrigue me and I need more. I suppose you may already know I had a relationship of some importance with a woman older than I, when I first came to the US. It’s odd, talking about it, now, with you, and when I think back to almost being cast in ‘50 Shades’, well, it’s rather ironic, isn’t it? And, oddly no one batted so much as an eyelash when I was romantically involved with a girl not old enough to drink in a pub.

I would love to be able to run away with you. Please let’s make that a reality. I have about four more weeks here and then I could get away. Anywhere you like. I want to be able to court you properly, hold you, kiss you, feel your hand in mine. If you leave in two weeks, your quarantine will be completed by the time I arrive.

Are you up for an adventure, y/n? Take a chance, on us? On this?***

I’m certain the word I was looking for was gobsmacked.

I had a difficult time staying focused all day and started and rewrote at least seven or eight emails in response. But my mind kept wandering off of its own volition.

He and I laying in the sun, laughing, Kal playing in the shallow end of the pool, secluded enough that I was working on an all over tan, and didn’t feel the need to dress. The kitchen was stocked, so we had no need to go anywhere and were free to enjoy each other’s company.

I got up and walked to the outdoor honeymoon shower to cool off and Henry came over and stepped behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head on top of mine. He pulled me into his embrace and we were both standing under the fall of water. I turned, and lifted my face to his. He gently brushed his lips with mine and I pressed my lips to his and leaned into the kiss. His tongue darted between my lips and I moaned, my nipples pebbling with desire and the added friction of the hair on that rock solid wall of a chest. My hands slid up his back and I pulled myself closer to him, still kissing, our tongues dueling for dominance and I can feel Henry getting hard.

"You’re incorrigible, like some randy teenager, aren’t you?“

” And maybe I’m just happy to see you"

“Maybe you’re just like Big Dick Richie and you finally found the pussy that fits that monster. How long has it been since you didn’t have to hold back?”

"About an hour or two" and he picked me up and slowly impaled me, inch by delicious inch on that weapon he calls a cock.

In between clients and panty dampening daydreams, I managed to formulate a response.

*****Ok, Hero,

Somehow, I knew you’d be a pen and paper sort of gent. And I would wager you’re particular about your choice of pens. Has to have the right heft, glide just right across the paper. I have specifications about pens myself.

Somewhere secluded. No press. I can go anywhere, and no one will notice me. You, on the other hand will cause a stir anywhere you go. Has to be someplace Kal can go. This isn’t going anywhere if the baby bear decides I’m not ok. I wouldn’t have anything to do with someone my dog didn’t trust.

I’ve probably spent more time than I should have thinking about kissing you, holding your face in my hands, losing myself in those eyes, and building this whatever this is. We will need some ground rules, safe words, and I would imagine your preferences, needs, wants and requirements will come into play. You’ll need to keep up your training, I’ll need to be aware of any dietary issues. There’s probably someone you trust enough for me to coordinate with on this, I would imagine.

I apologize. This is rather choppy, stream of consciousness, isn’t it? Multitasking, let me show you it. Or, maybe you just want to go home? Simple enough to get me into the UK, stick me in a hotel for two weeks and then it’s done and you have all the comforts of home. I can bring what I need and with minimal fuss, we can begin.

Your choice.****

So how IS this going to work? I mean , really? I keep telling myself this is ridiculous. I mean, for all of the reasons that my brain keeps playing on death loop; and then some. Let’s see, I could:

Go do medical tourism, have a frame off restoration, get an entire body lift and then MAYBE feel good enough to perhaps get caught by a photographer within twenty miles of him.

Invent a really good cover story about who I was and why I was anywhere near him.

Become some long misplaced relation who was lost to adoption two generations ago. Some charity case he took pity upon.

Believe me, it just gets worse from there. My brain is a very inhospitable place.

Instead, I forced myself to think a tad more pragmatically.

I looked at the list of things he wanted to do, and thought of the things I was willing to do and decided it was time to begin something that looked like negotiation in the time of the pandemic.

****Hello Handsome:

How are things in Dorking? Which, I have to say is probably the most aptly named place in the hemisphere, since you’re there, you dork. I hope they’re at least being kind to you and not beating you up too badly. With any luck, you’ll save some of that for me.

I’m compiling a list of *activities* and some of them intersect. I can’t say I’m too keen on arm wrestling you to see who gets to top first, so we shall defer to age before beauty. Treachery over youth and skill? There is a skill set that goes with some of these toys, and while it is referred to as play, some of them are considered weapons, and can do damage.

First things first. Safety and trust. If you didn’t trust me, we wouldn’t even be considering this, and at any point you can use a safe word. I won’t assume you know what that is. I will go from the concept that you know nothing and we can adjust from there. it should be a word that doesn’t come up in every day conversation, that’s unique enough that it won’t be misunderstood, but not so complex that you may forget it. For instance, the word I usually use is aardvark. But, in your case, maybe I’ll change that to kryptonite.

I am imagining you laughing. I hope you’re laughing. I’m laughing.

I will never damage you. I will hurt you, and ideally, you’ll like it. I hope to cause you exquisite pain. Erotic anguish. It is what you said you wanted. Been spending any time thinking about it? I have.

Anything that might cause marks will need to be healed back up by the time you have to be on set, or be able to be camouflaged. How do you tend to heal? Do you bruise easily? And never the face. Dear Gods no, not that face. We’ll start slow and go at what ever pace you feel comfortable. I honestly don’t think I can harm you and I’m probably more likely to injure myself on the mountain that is you.

Speaking of injuries, I expect you’ll pay for any damage you do. We may need to find a concierge physician who makes discreet calls. I might have a hard time explaining how I was injured. Should things go really sideways and I perish, I would only ask that you provide for my daughter. Nothing extravagant, just so that she is ok. And she doesn’t need to know where it came from, and it just needs to be enough to keep a roof over her head and gas in her car. Other than that, I don’t really think anyone will make that much of a ruckus. You’ll figure out a way to dispose of my remains. Make me into a diamond, put me in a pinkie ring.

I don’t think I’m destructible. I’m pretty hearty. Now if you want to have a training buddy, I’m down for that too. I could stand to be more fit, and would love a bit more flexibility. I can cook, and will learn what you like. But, there are some ….. concerns. I smoke. You drink.

I know you used to smoke and you’re extraordinarily health conscious, but I don’t have any intentions of quitting. So we will have to figure out some compromise. You drink and I’m twenty seven years clean and sober. I’m not going to tell you not to drink, but I don’t ever want that flavor profile in my mouth, not even in kisses. Something tells me I am going to love kissing you.

We’ll have to figure out a work around for that as well.

However I do think the part you’ll like the best is not having to hold back. Whatever it is, I can take it. And I look forward to you trying to wreck me.

Sweet dreams*****

And then I hit send. And cackled

Instead of an email, I received an attachment.

Not a picture, but a video. I guessed it was a “This is where we are shooting, and here’s my dog, and see how I look before they put this wig on me, or I thought I’d say hello while I was waiting for all the prosthetic scars to dry. “

You know, cell phone video of Dorking, wave hi to my cast mates, here’s where Joey fell into a mud puddle, that sort of thing.

Oh. No. While that may have been what I was expecting, that was not what I got. I clicked the link and damn near died. It was cell phone video, no doubt there, and I knew precisely whom. Panning down that rock solid chest sprinkled with all that chest hair he kept teasing to the women ( And men) of the planet…. and I thought about the nights I dreamt of my face buried in that chest hair, sweaty, satisfied, using him as a human weighted blanket. In my dreams he protested, said he was too heavy, surely I must be crushed by him, and I smiled trying to find the words to tell him how happy it made me, how safe I felt.

My eyes traveled down the eight pack…yes. Holy smokes he has an actual EIGHT pack. Is that even possible? Can humans do that? And I can hear him….

“Do you see what you do to me? One dinner? A few phone calls, some emails and look at this…..”

And God help me, I could not tear my eyes away. His hand, stroking up and down his very erect ,even bigger than I had extrapolated, beautiful thick huge cock. It took my breath away. My heart started to pound. I wished I was closer. I could see the pre cum leaking from the tip and my tongue licked my lips in anticipation. What I wouldn’t give to be able to show him in person what a grown ass woman with no gag reflex can do.

He was purring. That’s what it sounded like, a back of the throat kind of growly thing and his hand was moving faster, and I swear he said “ I’m hard like this almost constantly, dreaming about what will happen when we can actually be together, I want you…..” and he moans, and tightens his grip , and speeds up. His cell must be propped up, because I can see his other hand cupping his balls.

And his abs tightened up and ropes of cum splashed all over his taut stomach, watching some of it slide down those sinful iliac furrows……now I know why gay men call those cum gutters, and I swear I was drooling. I just wanted to lick him clean. My nipples were so hard they hurt and my pussy throbbed with need.

Muttering and cursing under my breath about the time difference I sent back a text message.

* Breakfast looked delicious. Wish I could have helped with that. I’ll see what I can do to make that worse, later. Flights and scheduling are up to you. Good night and sweet dreams, Solo.

You bastard.

Destroyed me, for days you did. Can’t even think properly and all I see when I close my eyes is that…..Dear God above. I’m dripping. Just dripping wet.

W A P indeed. This is ridiculous. My thighs are sticky, my panties are ruined, and I cannot stop thinking about that concealed weapon and how well you wield it.

You owe me a slew of sex toys. So many of those poor defenseless mechanical bastards lost their lives because of you, their numbers decimated, families destroyed….. “ mum, why won’t daddy ever be coming back to the bedside drawer? He’s been gone so long. I’m worried…. ” She doesn’t know how to tell her poor insertable battery operated offspring bout the power surge that cost da his life, and how hurled across the room in frustration, he had shattered on impact, and they couldn’t even have a proper burial…..

Oh I’d get so goddamned close, feel my center coiling up, tighter and tighter, nerve endings on fire…muscles tensing, cunt throbbing

, My toes would curl, and my legs would shake, and I’m making all sorts of noise…….And then…..

Slipped through my grasp, and I’m whimpering in frustration. What’s worse, is I can see you doing that for little lip biting thing that you do, trying to appear sympathetic, whilst at the same time trying not to laugh, and failing that, you actually laugh out loud. A deep resounding belly laugh. The infectious kind that has everyone else laughing. Mocking me.

So I don’t dare mention it.****

And the tension builds. I become testy. I descend into irritated. I have genuine concerns that I will make the complete transition to bitey angry velociraptor and lose the ability to morph back, or occasionally pass for humanoid. A best friend took pity on me and sent me this fantastic toy her girlfriend swears by. One end is insertable, it’s rechargable, has a billion different intensities, and then the other part is , how do I describe it? Well, there’s an indentation. More like a hole, really. And that’s where your clit goes.

It isn’t like it actually comes with instructions. That’s fair. Neither do we.

So, I messed with it. Some of the intensities were lovely. Some of them were waaay too much. A few of them annoyed me. I’ve never been a fan of the start stop thing. Apparently, there was some sort of harmonic convergence, and everything lined up, nudge nudge wink wink, and between the internal stimulation and the external felt almost like sucking, I swear.

Well, the top of my head came clean off, the skies opened up, the choir of angels sang to me, and you KNOW they all looked EXACTLY like him.

I think I passed out. I’m not certain how long I was blissed out, but I can say it put a smile on my face, and restored my faith in humanity. I was also no longer evil.

Once again fit for human consumption I resume sunshine and rainbow emails. “ Hi! How’s your day been? ” That sort of shit. He’s pretty but he’s not stupid. Video call request. Uh oh.

" Would you like to tell me what is actually going on? “

” Since you were kind enough to give me a choice, no, I would rather not. It’s embarrassing. Would you be satisfied with I have it sorted now? “

” No, I don’t believe I will. And, I love the haircut. Quite fetching"

I blushed, which was even more embarrassing. I don’t blush.

"Thank you. I needed a change. They pushed my start date back on my new job, and I was struggling a bit “

"You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet about that video I sent, and that took a great deal of trust and nerve on my part…”

" oh my stars! I can ONLY imagine and I may never have the words to tell you what sort of an effect that has…. Ummm…. Had….. I really think this is a conversation better had in person…… This is…. gah…..I …. Damn you. I used to be articulate. “

And then he laughed. I slapped the webcam away so it stared at the wall. I was going to need a minute to pull my shit together.

"Y/n? Are you there? Where did you go?”

" Just a second. …. “

I flipped the camera back, features all in place. ” Sorry. I know. I’m hysterical. If I’d had the opportunity to do stand up school you might have seen me rather than Jon at Fringe Festival. “

"But I want to see you. I hate that you have to quarantine.”

"Montenegro and Rwanda have no quarantine requirements. However, I don’t know that either of them are a ) recommended or more importantly, safe for Kal. There’s always Dubai and French Polynesia" I said laughing .

" I’m pretty sure you just want to go home, sleep in your own bed and have your own routine. I get that. There isn’t anywhere you can be invisible. I on the other hand, already am. So, if you want me somewhere, then, you make that happen. My needs are simple. Books, coffee, life water, or maybe you know someone who can actually hook me up with that botanical water I keep hearing about, that I can’t freaking get in the middle of the US? IfI have to stay put in one place for two weeks, ideally I’d love to smoke, I’ll need to eat occasionally, and a treadmill would be the cherry on top. Don’t you have people for things like that, Hero? “

And I smiled at him, with a devilish twinkle in my eye, because, now, it’s ON.

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that they pushed back my start date. I mean, I didn’t think anything of it. He was working , for fuck’s sake. Damn Netflix to eight hells for telling me there is a thing that exists called Inside the Episodes, and then when I go to play it? Oh, NO, y/n. You may not have this viewing pleasure. I’m starting to think it’s a conspiracy.

Two days later, there’s a knock at the door. I get my firearm, and I answer. Look, I’m American. I know that the neighborhood I live in can be a bit touch and go and don’t get me started on the “entertainment” that emanates from next door, but I don’t get visitors, and no one just knocks on the door. I look out, and it’s a man in a well tailored black suit, and there’s an SUV in my driveway. What the fuck?

I open the door, Glock at my side, behind the door frame, “Can I help you?”

“ Are you Y/n L/n? ”

“ Yes, but there must be some … ” the man hands me an envelope.

“I’ve been instructed to wait in the car”, and he turns on his heel and walks back to the SUV, gets behind the wheel and states straight ahead. I’m looking for a camera. What kind of stunt is this? I shut the door, put down the gun, light a cigarette and open the envelope.*****I’m tired of waiting. I enjoy the getting to know each other part, but distance is not helping. Throw some things in a bag, and come on. If you forget something, I’m certain it can be duplicated. You had mentioned you may have picked up a few things. I hope you don’t forget those.

And he signs it;

“Tired of being Solo”

Did I mention it was on?

Well I’ve had a bit of experience packing for trips, there was a time in recent memory when I was traveling thirty six weekends out of fifty two. I am quite talented at gathering what I need, making sure it fits in an appropriate case, that I can manage, and have the right things in the requisite number of carry on bags. In precisely thirty seven minutes, I locked the house, engaged the alarm and startled the driver by knocking on his window.

“Did you want to unlock the door so I can put this in the back seat, please? ”

Myself situated, bag on the floorboard opposite side and my purse and carry on next to me, I assumed this would be a very short ride to the airport. I’m literally minutes away. The driver asked me if I wanted to smoke. I laughed and said I did but it wasn’t allowed in hired cars. He told me it was in this one. I said that I didn’t see the point as we be at the airport in minutes. “No, ma'am. Begging your pardon. I’m to take you to ….” and he looks at a screen. …And says “Spirit Airfield”. Ok. NOW, I’m smoking.

[snarkymonkeyprime]

Oh hai; more of the sci fic weirdness that is eating my brain.  No Dean here but maybe plot?

Given how little had resulted from the autopsy, Castiel went with the only lead he had; that of the former Councilwoman’s successor, Balthazar Severin.  To his annoyance, the flamboyant civil servant was currently not in his offices nor at his home; he was instead traipsing about with donors and other hangers-on in an over-priced, gaudy ballroom in one of the grander buildings downtown.

He bit back an annoyed groan as he called out the address.  The car’s communication screen flickered and announced pleasantly, “Please buckle up for safety,” before sliding into the fast-paced traffic of the early evening.  

As he rode, Castiel pulled out his case tablet, flicking through the information he’d gathered. Rebecca Errol had been hounded by scandal in the last few terms of her Seat.  Everything from purchased votes to greased palms over development deals.  Little wonder why Severin had managed to be win by such a large gap.  Not that Castiel saw much difference.  The Council had long since been a localized but fully corrupt replacement of local governments.  Only really shocking concept was that states continued to function at all.

A half hour later, he arrived at the ballroom.  He left the car and it dinged as it sped away, searching for a parking space. Given it was Friday and relatively early, Castiel believed his car would simply end up circling until he called it back after his interview.

I hate the city, he admitted.  He ignored the valet’s look of superiority and flashed his ID screen.  The man’s face paled and he gestured rapidly.

At least some things still work.  The wide entry to the ballroom was brightly lit and full.  He didn’t stifle the look of disgust.  All this opulence and for what?  Ego stroking?  The amount of money spilling from the crystal chandeliers and elaborate buffet tables would certainly be better served elsewhere.  Not that he could voice such an opinion.

He asked about quietly, seeking the newest councilman.  He found him rather by accident, talking with a tall brunet nearest the open bar.

Both men turned at the same time as Castiel stepped close.

“Councilman Severin? Might I have a word?”

Before the man could respond, the younger, taller one held out a hand.  “I’m Sam, his attaché.  You can make an appointment with his office in the morn-“

Castiel held up his ID screen.  “It’ll take only a few minutes.”

Balthazar tapped Sam on the shoulder and inclined his head to the left when the man looked back.  “I do so love it when he’s aggressive.”  He grinned at Sam’s annoyed squint.  “What, Agent Novak, might I do for you this fine evening?”  He sipped his drink, pale eyes on Castiel’s.  

Maybe I just hate people, Castiel grumbled.  He pulled out his case tablet.  “Last night, Rebecca Errol was murdered at her campaign headquarters.”

“So sad,” Balthazar muttered.  He waved away Sam’s groan of protest.  

“Might not be the best reaction,” Castiel pointed out, hiding his smile at Sam’s look of no shit he threw at Balthazar.  

“You’d have a harder time finding someone who liked her over someone who didn’t,” Balthazar drawled. He shrugged.  “In any event, I don’t know why you’re bothering me with this news.”

“Councilman Severin, you have to understand why I’d be asking.”  Castiel fought back a yawn.  He didn’t truly believe the man had anything to do with her death.  Even the idea of hiring an outsider appeared laughable. Balthazar was many things but from what little Castiel knew of him, he was too lazy to engineer assassinations over something as small-time as a Council Seat.

“Please, call me Balthazar. You make me sound so old,” he wheedled.  

“Fine.  Balthazar.  You’re an obvious suspect given your past in regards to Errol.”

Balthazar pulled a face. “Oh, yes; she and I were fond of our public tête-à-têtes, were we not?”  He held his half-empty glass loose in be-ringed fingers.  His gaze wandered the room, flickering about like a moth distracted by a wildfire.  One could think him well beyond the intoxication of the socially-acceptable; but Castiel could see the pale blue eyes that roved were still sharp and clear.

Balthazar caught his look and smirked, before swallowing the last of his drink.  “My condolences to my predecessor but you’ll no doubt find I have not been in her presence – or in fact, near her base of operations – in nearly a fortnight.”  He didn’t lift his gaze from Castiel’s as he replaced his glass with a full one from a wandering waiter.  He looked away then to peer at his drink, shifting it under the myriad lights of the ballroom.  “In fact, I would believe she has been rather naughty these last few months.” He let the glass dangle from his fingers.  “Perhaps those avenues are better traveled?”

Castiel ignored the question.  “Have you ever actively hired Alters?”

Strangely, Balthazar glanced at Sam before answering.  Any sly humor had tempered as he responded.  “I don’t seek them out, no.  I may have hired them in the past but not with any intent.  Mods are rarely so useful to require purpose.”  His flirty, drunken behavior vanished entirely.  He stood straighter, glass forgotten in his hand.

The man was a chameleon. Castiel could see why he’d been able to win the election so handily, even with Errol throwing money at every corner. Balthazar appeared to be expert in behaving exactly as expected or desired, no matter the venue.  But beneath that shifting exterior peeked a cunning awareness that Castiel found far more interesting.

“Why?” Balthazar asked, tone low.

“Her killer is thought to be one.  He, uh, removed her mods.”  She didn’t have many.  One in her left ear for communicating with staff and cash card chips on the back of her right.  He showed the crime scene, her right arm ending in a bloody stump and the left half of her head torn away, exposing bone and brain.

“Bloody hell,” Balthazar breathed, his face pale.  That reaction alone was enough to convince Castiel that Balthazar had no hand in her death.

The other man took effort to tear his eyes from the photo.  He cleared his throat and pushed Castiel’s tablet down and out of sight.  “I may not have liked the woman but I never wished her dead.” He turned to Sam and leaned in, whispering low.  

The other man frowned but nodded.

He turned back.  “Why do you think an Alter is involved?”

Castiel flicked through his tablet, pulling up the same distorted image he’d shown the shop owner at Winchester Station earlier.  “This.  This was the last person seen around her compound before the morning when her body was found.”

Balthazar grimaced.  “Unfortunate looking soul,” he muttered.  He shook his head.  “I am genuinely sorry she suffered like that, but I’m afraid I’ve nothing to offer.”  He held out his empty hand.  “Nor have I seen that man before.”

To Castiel’s surprise, Sam took the tablet from him, frowning at the image.  “Do you think her mods had anything to do with it?”

“Not at present, no,” Castiel replied slowly.  He retrieved the tablet.  It was an avenue he was considering and found it interesting that a councilman’s attaché had clued in so quickly as well.  Everything about the crime scene spoke of a serial killer with intent.  This wasn’t an assassination.  He’d taken his time with Errol.  Careful and methodical.  Though, his superiors were quick to indicate anything but.  To them, the easiest and cleanest answer was a political argument turned bloody.  Castiel feared it something more.

It resembled two other unsolved cases he had.  In far too many ways.  The grotesqueries.  The destroyed mods.  The time.  He hadn’t exaggerated when speaking with the shop owner; he was certain this killer targeted Alters.  And given Errol’s demise, apparently even ones with minor mods.  Which meant more than half the population at this rate.  

He eyed Sam, watching his reaction.  “Do you have information?”

Sam blinked in surprise. “Er, no.  Sorry.  I just . . . her body getting damaged like that.”  He drew his hand along his mouth and shuddered.  He coughed and looked toward Balthazar who watched him carefully.  “I’ll, uh, have flowers sent to her office in the morning, Councilman.”

Balthazar nodded, a slight smile on his lips.  “So thoughtful, Samuel.”  

Castiel turned off the case tablet and returned it to his coat pocket.  “Chances are, it’s as you intimated; an enemy of hers.  Possibly angry over her election loss.”  He tugged on the collar of his coat.  “I’d be more suspicious of you, Balthazar, if she’d died before votes were cast.”

Balthazar’s grin was cold. “Indeed.”  He raised his eyebrows.  “Well, if I’m no longer needed?”

Unwilling to consider the avenue closed, Castiel nodded.  “For now.”

There was no missing the narrowing of pale eyes.  “Do help yourself, Agent,” Balthazar purred, gesturing to the excess around them.  “As a dutiful servant of the Council, you’re more than welcome.”

Castiel worked a hollow smile.  “Thank you, but no.  I’ve still plenty of work to do.”  He touched two fingers to his temple in a false salute.  “I’ll be sure to leave a message with your office when I’ve more to discuss.”

“Until then,” Balthazar murmured, raising his glass.

Castiel felt two pairs of eyes on his back until well out the ballroom’s false opulence.  He glanced over his shoulder as he headed toward the street and noted both men were now huddled together, the taller one’s hands motioning quickly in agitation.

He frowned.

Something there.  Something to pursue.

Outside, the cold musty air a boon compared to the stuffy confines off the ballroom, he tapped a code on his wrist.  The medallion he wore there vibrated and quite quickly he heard the soft hum of his car as it approached.

He slid into the vehicle with a grunt and directed it to home.  A fruitless day, in the end.  He’d done little more than unearth new questions.  He tapped a code into the console of his car, opening his private computer link.

“Yes?”  The soft, male voice filled the cab of the car.

“Run a search on Winchester Station.  I want to know who owns the building, who runs it, anything.”

“Yes, sir.”  A click and the AI disconnected.

He rubbed his jaw, wondering why his instinct wouldn’t let him risk the public channels.  Why only the ones provided by his old friend, Gabriel. Paranoid, maybe?  Yet, some quiet part of him knew it a wrong turn to use the Department’s servers.  Given their insistence on this being an assassination and Castiel knowing it spoke of worse, he figured he may as well give in.  For now, at least.

He sighed and ground his knuckles into his eyes.  “I’m turning into him, probably,” he muttered.

Thinking of Gabriel reminded him that he owed his friend a visit.  Maybe Gabriel had heard something.  Or knew who might have performed the killer’s mods.

Or knows who performed the shop owner’s.  He sat back in his seat, eyes unfocused as street lights and head lights turned into streaks of brilliant white and gold.  Something very strange there.  Mods so well hidden were expensive.  And if that were true, why would someone with that kind of financial access work in a backwater repair store like that?

He sighed and shut his eyes, settling in for the long drive home.

“What I wouldn’t give for an ordinary murder.”

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: escape room 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: minagi tsuzuru/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 3.4k words, 3 images

𝐚𝐧: the combi of my love for this tsuzuru sr card + a certain enabler + my first time wearing handcuffs being in an escape room = the birth of this fic. it’s chaotic, but so is every escape room experience i’ve had. wtf is this fic.

One of the perks of having Tsuzuru as a boyfriend was that the two of you always found ways to have fun and go out on dates without spending a lot of money. Neither of you were big on splurging out a bunch of money anyway— not with you rather spending your allowance on necessities and Tsuzuru being the King of Part-timers™.

Watching community and college plays, having picnics, movie marathons, making dinner together, going grocery shopping, taking advantage of coupon sites, couples promos and happy hours to get great deals on things you wouldn’t normally be able to just for the ultimate discount...

It was domestic, it was homey, and it was Tsuzuru through and through; you loved every single second of it.

Which was why you were surprised when he suggested going to an escape room together.

“Those can be kind of pricey, right?” you replied, raising your voice slightly to make sure he could hear you despite the noise you were making in the kitchen. You turned the burner to high heat, scooching the veggies over to one side of the pan, melting the remaining butter in the other half.

“Oh, well, a friend gave me a 20% discount coupon. Apparently he didn’t need it anymore,” Tsuzuru’s voice was a little quiet coming from your phone’s speaker, and you quickly put down the soy sauce to adjust the volume before going back to the stove.

“I figured there was some kind of catch,” you replied with a soft chuckle as you continued stirring the veggies and sautéing the rice. “When do you wanna go? I know we’re both busy over the weekend, and that’s when we usually—“

Your hand halted its motions as soon as Tsuzuru uttered the word, “tomorrow.”

It wasn’t like you weren’t free, thankfully you only had one, albeit three hour, lecture during Tuesdays, but wasn’t he saying it a bit suddenly? It was a Monday evening, after all.

“Why tomorrow?”

Your boyfriend’s awkward laughter rang, but he remained undeterred as he explained to you his reasoning— going to an escape room would be a good way to get more writing experience, especially in terms of creating and feeling the ambience.

“Plus, not only is it cheaper if we go together, but the rates are also lower Monday to Thursday,” after a few seconds of silence on your part, he quickly added in, “and! And, we usually don’t have dates like this… so it’ll be fun, right?”

That thought process was so like Tsuzuru that you couldn’t help but smile.

Oh, the rice and veggies were already turning brown?

“You know what? I’m not even surprised,” you commented, adding and stirring in the rest of the ingredients. Ahhh, it was starting to smell heavenly, “by the way, have you had dinner yet?”

“About to. Excited to figure out what kind of curry we’re having,” a giggle escaped you upon hearing Tsuzuru’s deadpan voice, “are you almost done cooking?”

“Just about done!” after giving the rice a taste, you decided to season it with a pinch of salt and pepper, “thanks for giving me your fried rice recipe, by the way. Even though I’m the one cooking it, it feels like I’m about to eat something you made with love~”

As you were pretty much done with the kitchen, Tsuzuru’s exhale was a lot more audible to you. You could already envision the slight quiver in his tight-lipped grin and the way he would avert his eyes for a few seconds as he addressed you.

“Seriously, don’t be so cute,” he said, sounding a little exasperated, “sometimes I don’t know how to respond anymore.”

“A writer at a loss for words?” it was steadily getting difficult to keep the bubbling up amusement in check— you should probably be serving yourself dinner and accomplish your work for the night, but in the same manner it was always fun to flirt with the brunet. “When you put it that way, it makes me want to act even cuter for y—“

“Anyway!” you couldn’t hold back your laughter at his sudden interruption. Alright, that was enough for the both of you tonight.

“So are you free tomorrow?” he asked.

Well, who were you to be able to say no to that?

You completed signing the waiver the staff asked you to fill out, before turning to Tsuzuru.

“I forgot to ask, but which room are we playing? They have, like, 3 different ones here.”

Your eyes followed where Tsuzuru’s pointer finger landed— a simple but eerie poster in black and white, the three masks you could commonly see in craft stores plain and copies of one another, save for one thing. The first mask had gloved hands atop its eyeholes, the second had them covering where the ears would be, and the third had them placed over the lips.

Domain of Discernment.

“I don’t know much about it, but it’s one of the more popular ones. Apparently we’ll be held captive by some serial killer named Sire Maniac, and we’ll have one of our senses taken away,” he explained. Before he could potentially say anymore, one of the personnel went over to bring you right by the room entrance.

After giving a brief rundown of rules and some info about the room itself, she brought out an unused pair of foam earplugs and a blindfold. “Since there’s only two of you, we’ll be taking out the not being able to speak part. Both of you, choose who gets their sight or hearing removed for 50 minutes.”

You and Tsuzuru turned to look at each other, quietly discussing amongst yourselves which option would be more beneficial, coming to the conclusion that you would be the one to don the blindfold and he’d be the one with the earplugs.

“You might accidentally fall asleep if you had the blindfold,” you joked, “besides, I trust you to be able to guide me.”

Not one to be a killjoy or cheat, he plugged in the foam properly as you get your blindfold tied securely by the woman, making sure it definitely wouldn’t loosen up midway through the game.

When the both of you are within the room already, the both of you hear (well, Tsuzuru lip-reads) the woman say one more thing.

“After hand-cuffing you two and I leave the room, the timer will start. Good luck.”

… hand-cuffing?

With a sound of a click and seeing the door shutting from the distance, the both of you knew the timer would be counting down from 50 right about now.

You’re the first to speak up. You’re unsure where he’s facing right now, so you pulled your left hand knowing the pull of the metal chain would catch his attention, and you were right.

At the slight pressure on his right hand, he turned to face you with a hum leaving his mouth, and unexpectedly finding himself stupefied at the sight of you. You opened your mouth to say something, and he can excuse himself all he wanted that it was him not used to lip-reading yet, but he knew it wasn’t the truth.

He felt a little guilty, really. You both knew how flustered or embarrassed he could get around you, but how blissfully unaware you must be right now that his brain was literally mush because of your blindfolded self and how you were handcuffed to him. He, well, he never thought… no, he could never—

Time to kill that train of thought. Right now.

He should really be responding to you right now. What… what were you saying?

“You want me to describe our… surroundings?” he sighed in relief as you nodded. Okay, at least a part of him was still functioning properly. All he had to do was focus on that and not hyper focus on you.

The two of you were in a cell of sorts— barred, jail doors preventing your exit into a much larger room, which inevitably would lead to a door the both of you would escape to.

Though the jail room was significantly smaller, there were an assortment of items to sift and look through— boxes with and without locks, some papers scattered on a small desk, a lampshade that was left turned off, and a CD player were what stood out the most to him.

After relaying it to you, you pulled him again by your shared shackles as you asked him to read out what was in the papers—the first, a hint on how to figure out the number combination to unlock one of the boxes and a code decryption guide.

The second, a torn page from a “book” of either plants or poisons, based on the content and stylisation. Atropa belladonna, also known as deadly nightshade.

“Why are shade and floor highlighted though?”

Another pull on the cuffs. Another look at you— and trying not to be awkward about it as he combined his lip-reading with whatever the earplugs couldn’t block out of your voice.

“Shade? You said there was a lamp shade, right? Maybe a key or something is hidden under there?” you suggested, a pout set on your lips, “don’t know what the relevance of floor is, though.”

He didn’t have to look very far, the papers being situated on the desk beside the lampshade. It’s in his second time staring though that he realised something’s off with it. “You’re right, there’s something in the lampshade.”

When he lifted the bell-shaped cover, he’d come to find that there was no lightbulb in the first place, but a thin flashlight cleverly inserted within a vase. “If there’s a flashlight in the vase, then—“

“Shine a light on the floor!” you exclaimed, excited at the prospect of being able to move forward with the game, despite not being able to see.

Doing just that, he swished the flashlight left and right, verbally listing all the letters he could see.

“X, O, I, C, T…” you repeated, before trying to clap your hands (keyword: trying to, handcuffs say no), “the order is toxic! So the encrypt—“

“I’ll decode it ASAP,” Tsuzuru replied, immediately referring to the guide the “killer” oh so graciously left there.

“The passcode is… 420652,” he fumbled with the digits on the only 6 numbered padlocked box, before grinning, “alright, we got it!”

Another tug, and at this point he’s already aware that tug or pull on the cuff equals you having something to say.

“If they were gonna do a 420 joke, they should’ve inserted a 666 joke for the full eerie, creepy effect.”

Okay, just how was he able to lip read that perfectly? Was he just that used to the dumb jokes you made?

“I can just imagine your dream escape room— all the hints and puzzles are meme related,” the earplugs were unable to block your laugh, ringing through the room as he opened the box. A key, and a CD.

Knowing that between the two remaining boxes left, one of them needed a key so that was pretty much solved. The disc, on the other hand…

He called your name, you turning to face him based on the direction of his voice. “Since there’s a CD player and a CD, and unless I go really close I wouldn’t be able to hear anything—“

“I’ll listen carefully, no sweat!”

“I swear, if I hear the word wall another time, I will scream... and this isn’t even a horror room!”

The two of you came across your first real obstacle. Your audio just talked about poisonous vines growing on walls and other surfaces, while his box just contained another note that neither of you could decipher whatsoever. For five minutes, the two of you stood there, pondering.

Every once in a while, Tsuzuru would check the giant timer— currently displaying that 35 minutes were left.

“… honestly, just give it to me,” you suddenly spoke, Tsuzuru’s shoulders going up in shock.

“Give what?”

“The box! While we try to figure it out, I’ll use my nonexistent luck to just guess the passcode somehow,” you explained, feeling up the type of padlock it was “it’s just rolling everything around anyway until it magically opens.”

Within less than a minute, you had figured out the passcode.

“I’m—“ Tsuzuru trailed off, clearly just as shocked as you were. Your eyes probably would’ve been wide open right now.

“Eye… so this is where all my luck went,” you said, before shaking your head to refocus yourself, “okay! So inside the box is a… another key? It has buttons… car key?”

You hand the object to the brunet, who, upon taking it from you spared no second in his next actions.

“Wall,” he said out loud, pointing the car keys at the wall. With one press of a button, the wall, slowly but surely, opened to reveal another room. Though you couldn’t see it, the sound was loud enough to amaze you as well.

“Worm,” you breathed out, “pretty lit, not gonna lie.”

You wouldn’t know but the room was actually extremely dark, so not lit at all. Thank god he had a flashlight or else the handcuff + your blindfold + him not being able to lip read combo would be… particularly deadly.

The misunderstandings, he could already imagine it. Ah, well, for the writing experience.

“I don’t know what worm means, but yeah, lit.”

“Sorry,” Tsuzuru apologised as he bumped into you for the nth time.

Obstacle number two was unlike any other. It wasn’t another audio recording, neither a puzzle nor riddle.

“Ah, shit, sorry!” you shouted for the nth time, raising your voice as much as you could so Tsuzuru would be able to hear you properly.

This was getting ridiculous. You were able to figure out the meaning of an audio file after a few loops, while Tsuzuru got to work reading more clues and unlocking locks. The real problem, however, was since the room was dark and had limited space, the two of you tended to crash against one another even with what limited movement you could make.

You had to wonder— did the staff get some sort of amusement or feel any pity watching people stumble around in this room through the CCTV? It wasn’t so bad in the jail room, but this closet? storage? room gave you two a run for your money. How did other people get through this room, genuinely? Especially the bigger parties?

“… I have an idea,” Tsuzuru mentioned. You wait for him to tell you what it is, his hesitance confusing you. However, before you could have said anything, you felt his strong arms wrapped around you.

Was… was there an equivalent to a verbal keyboard smash? Even if you weren’t saying it out loud to save you the embarrassment, the fact still stood that your brain was legit going ztesxrdctijmoljhnge right now. Help—

“How does this… help?” you asked, still a little confused by his motive. He wasn’t really one for PDA, and despite the two of you being the only ones in the room the fact still stood that the escape room staff are probably required to glance at the CCTV monitors every once in a while to check up on you two.

“Since we’re… handcuffed, and there’s barely any space it’d be better to just stay together,” he explained as nonchalantly as possible, “sorry, it’s just for this room. We’ll go back to normal when we get to the last room.”

See, if your brain was working right now, you’d be able to think of a counter or a better solution— actually, if you could see right now maybe you could point out something about Tsuzuru’s face that screamed he was lying, but something about escape rooms just made your logic go brrr.

That, or you were just a simp for your own boyfriend.

… not gonna lie, the chances of it being both were pretty high.

“Makes sense. Can’t bump into each other when you’re already stuck together,” you said, already convincing yourself.

Sorry to whoever’s manning the CCTV monitor, it was their fault for handcuffing the two of you anyway.

Well, this set up wasn’t that bad. Other than, you know, getting to hug Tsuzuru, you were able to still keep doing your task while he did—

You heard the padlock unlock after your fingers pressed a certain combination of numbers. Pushing the device upwards, the cabinet doors opened as you removed the lock.

“It’s a digit push combination padlock! How are you doing this? Blindfolded?”

“I… I have guessing powers. For locks.”

“I’m considering robbing a bank or business with you now.”

“Awww, cute couple’s date idea!”

After two or three minutes of Tsuzuru doing some last minute riddle solving, the sound of jingling keys and him letting go of you let you know of one thing— you two were almost out.

With a writer compromising one half of the team, and an exceptional guesser and context clue figure-outer as the other half, you weren’t gonna lie— the last room was kind of anti-climatic to go through.

…

SIKE!

Every time the two of you ever accomplished anything, be it decrypting a message, unlocking something, or finding a hidden item the two of you still reacted to it— Tsuzuru being more on the shookt side and you being on the hype side.

With fifteen minutes to spare, only one thing was left to do— finding who Sire Maniac’s real name, and then decoding that name into number form so you could use it on the exit’s number pad lock. It was pretty obvious to you that you had to use the number equivalents of the name, but first… you needed to know the name.

“You sure you don’t want to try your luck?” Tsuzuru teased, procuring a huff out of you.

There were only two clues. The first was a letter to an A. R. Nicolas, detailing something about being thankful for a book.

Initially, the two of you thought that that A. R. Nicolas would be his real name, but clearly it was some sort of pen name based on the second clue— several torn pages from a book penned by the very same A. R. Nicolas the letter was addressed to.

It was clear— Sire Maniac and A. R. Nicolas were the same person, but what was his third identity? His real identity?

“What are the poisons on the torn pages again? Those usually have something to do with the answer,” you asked Tsuzuru. The sound of shuffling of paper entered your ears as he began listing them off.

“Ricin, amatoxin, tetradotoxin, chloropicrin, batrachotoxin… and arsenic.”

“Huh… arsenic is the only one that ends differently, lol,” you pointed out with a laugh, before it quickly died as the realisation dawned on you, “no fucking way.”

“Okay what the hell, I think you’re on to something,” Tsuzuru replied hastily, “because A. R. Nicolas, as in A. R. Nic. Arsenic.”

“Tsuzuru. Tsuzuru. Tsuzuru—“ you chanted, before laying out one last game-changer, “Sire Maniac. Is a fucking anagram. For I am Arsenic.”

With a speedy enter of the number 2773642, the two of you had achieved freedom.

“Not gonna lie, some parts of it were a little cliche, but… I had fun,” you told him, the two of you walking home together, “I felt simultaneously dumb and a genius at the same time.”

“Same to both, honestly,” Tsuzuru replied, before looking down at your hand linked with his. “Huh, haven’t you had enough of being stuck with me?”

You rolled your eyes. “I could say the same to you— didn’t you totally take advantage of us being handcuffed together? Or me being blindfolded?”

It was just a joke, but Tsuzuru’s sudden sputtering caught you off guard. Did… aha, no way, did he actually enjoy that gimmick?

“Tsu~ zu~ ru~”

“Whatever you’re thinking, that’s not it—“

“Are you sure? Because—“

“You’re misunderstanding something.”

“I’m just saying, it’s better to be honest~”

As the stoplight turned red, the two of you finally found the time to take a good look at each other. The laughter that erupted was instantaneous.

“Thanks for going out with me today,” Tsuzuru said softly, the blooming smile on his face impossible for you to not mirror.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you replied, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After a few seconds, the stoplight turned green, and the two of you continue making your way back home.

want to order again?

𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐬: ⤷ curium fairway (the person who sent arsenic the letter) is an anagram for “i am currywaifu”.

⤷ the “reader is good at guessing part” is just based off of me. being really good at guessing padlock combinations.  ⤷ the hugging part was based on my two irl friends (who are dating) hugging in front of the cctv

⤷ the “one sense gets removed” and “being handcuffed to someone” part is based on two different escape rooms i played

⤷ i wasn’t supposed to make a whole concept for the escape room with media and riddles... but i decided to finally make use of all the research i did before on poison. am i on a watchlist?

[parasprite]

are you one of those people who goes to goth clubs and says to baby bats "quick name 5 cure songs"? because in that case you really shouldn't be complaining about goth being dead since it's attitudes like yours that are trying to kill it. or do you not go to goth clubs because you get too big of a hate boner for "posers" and you can't let loose and have fun?

are you a batcave tradgoth purist who thinks all goths have to look like siouxsie sioux? because the batcave didn't have a dress code. can you name 5 goth clubs anywhere that have a dress code? can you name 5 prominent goths who were or are "elitist big time" (and who aren't friendless losers because of it)? can you name any kind of goth establishment, convention, festival or event that kicks people out for not being dressed right?

speaking of purity, how many elements of punk or psychobilly does a person have to embrace or enjoy before they get their goth card revoked? if a goth has 1 Cramps album in their vinyl collection, is that enough to poison the spring? if a goth buys army surplus boots or punches a nazi, do they become too punk to be welcome at the goth function? did you know goth and psychobilly both rose to prevalence in london in the late 70s and early 80s and both had strong ties to the punk subculture, with "new punk" being an interchangeable term for goth at the time? none of these subcultures are mutually exclusive

are you aware that music genres can evolve? even the batcave itself started off as a new wave and glam rock venue before it evolved into a goth establishment. i'm assuming you're probably a fan of the classic goth rock artists like the cure, joy division, siouxsie, nick cave, bauhaus, etc... if the waters being muddied bothers you so badly, how do you feel about the clear influence of punk, new wave, psychedelic rock, synth pop, experimental and industrial sounds in all of those artists' work? inversely, the sisters of mercy had a HUGE influence over goth music, style and culture all while being adamant that they weren't goth. but they dressed right and liked the right music, didn't they? what does that mean?

can you enlighten me on the style thing? how can i dress like a real goth? is it victorian corsetry? is it flowy black dresses? is it top hats and winklepickers? is it leather jackets? is it fetish gear? is it chokers? is it piercings? is it band shirts? is it thrifted and dyed at home or bought from an expensive goth shop? is it fast fashion or upcycled? is it tripp pants? is it cyberlox? is it new rocks? is it mary janes? is it black capes? is it halloween costumes? is it gothic lolita? is it white face paint and full glam? is it rosaries or ankhs? are hijabs/niqaabs/burkas/abayas/kurtas allowed or is that too different? how about traditional cultural clothing? are hoodies and sweats allowed or is taking a break from being gothed up too posery? are homemade patches and safety pins allowed or is that too punk? is worn and beat up clothing allowed or is that too grunge? is short hair allowed? are beards allowed? is colour allowed? are modern trends or interests or self expression allowed at all, or should i LARP as an 80s batcaver (or a y2k hot topic emo since you seem to like that too) in a desperate attempt to prove myself to people like you?

speaking of modernity, how can goth be "dead" if the scene is still thriving, especially in europe and latin america? how are there still goth bands slaying the scene like molchat doma, lebanon hanover, kælan mikla, twin tribes and double echo just to name a few? if goth is dead then should all these artists pack it up and stop making music? if real goths don't exist any more should we shut down the goth clubs? should we stop having concerts and festivals? should we shut it all down? would you rather see goth die than evolve?

it's funny that you criticise posers for not looking the part when dressing in all black all the time just to prove how goth you are is the very DEFINITION of poserism. if you're so disgusted by "just be yourself", how can you even call yourself goth? you're arguing in favour of conformity in a subculture that is BY DEFINITION nonconformist. it's a SUBculture, that's literally what that word means! you're arguing that goths should copy each other, how is that an improvement over self expression? say you're an older, traditional goth (although irl i get the vibe you're younger than me) and a baby bat saw you gothed up and then copied your outfit to an absolute tee, would that make you comfortable or creep you out? copying is way more frowned upon in the goth scene than branching out your style. and yes any teenager on the internet who's never been to a goth club will scream that the scene is rife with elitism while perpetuating these in-crowd bullying tactics and impossible standards... actual goths do not give a fuck as long as you're there to have fun and be respectful

if you're really a tradgoth and you hate any new goth trends, that's okay. the tradgoth style isn't going anywhere. you can dress exactly how you want and listen to all the 80s music you want. but that doesn't make you better than anyone else. since the very beginning tons of goths, especially baby bats, have loved the music and wanted to dress goth but didn't have access to it, whether due to their school, their parents, their work, their religion, their disability, their geographical location, social isolation or their financial situation. and goths from around the world have always been incorporating elements of their own nationality and culture into their goth attire and music. people who couldn't go to hot topic (which by the way is pretty much exclusive to the USA) or who didn't have a goth shop in their city had to make do with what they had. disregarding any of that as "not really goth" is ignorant at best and downright bigoted at worst.

how are you up in arms about modern teens shopping at hot topic because "90s hot topic was better"? what do you want them to do? hop in a time machine? if you're upset about the commercialisation of our subculture, hot topic was exactly as commercial in the 90s as it is today. you just wanna scare away newcomers and then blame THEM when nobody wants to join your local goth scene any more. it's so self-defeating and for what? a little thrill of feeling like you're better than someone for a second? its an ageist fallacy that achieves nothing.

finally... you really wanna call ME embarrassing in your silly little tag when you're unironically using the word POSER in 2023? don't make me chuckle

the girl on the left could be way gother than you you can't tell just by looking at her. there's no uniform for being goth you just have to like the music. maybe shes vibing to goth music every day in her room. maybe she does have goth clothes and she just didn't have the energy to get gothed up today. or maybe she's a baby bat who hasn't learned how to do the makeup yet. don't be judgemental. and girl on the right, where's YOUR official goth license? that's what i thought. plus you have a wolf cut and you're wearing a hello kitty shirt and blush on your cheeks. you're not exactly traddy mctradgoth either are you. you don't really have a leg to stand on here. you're being mean and elitist when you could be holding hands and kissing.

[sevensided]

my clown persona is hoping that the writers were writing mike and el like that on purpose and are going to subvert the trope, since both have fallen into a shallow relationship type that does not match their true potential. but then again I see how popular the ship is, a big marketing asset that the show can't pass. and the writers have proven that they take under account the preferences of the general viewers. i hope I am wrong 🤷🏻 my clown persona always overrides any logical side in me lmao

This is... a very interesting thought.

I think that, honestly, if they wanted to subvert the trope they probably wouldn’t have put Mike and El together in the first place. If they break up and stay broken up, it’s not really subverting a trope: it’s just them breaking up. But I do hear what you’re saying. I tend to subscribe to other theories around the use of junk food and pop culture in S3 to illustrate that the shallowness was universal and entirely deliberate. I also think it’s a comment on American consumerist culture and the rise of Reaganite capitalism (case in point: Erica’s speech). It’s about advertising and about artifice. I’m sure I’m not the only viewer who watched Erica applaud capitalism while cynically thinking about American race relations and the decrepit, dangerous nature of capitalism in its current form. The point wasn’t necessarily to show that she’s young, but to show how powerful the concept of capitalism was at that time, and how hugely influential it was in forming American exceptionalism and its fierce tenets of democracy and opportunity. It’s easy to forget that the 80s were a melting pot of technology, politics, and changing international culture. Hawkins is a microcosm: not only is it the place where the show is set, but it’s also illustrative of the small, middle-American town that is familiar to the 80s cinematic setting.

In terms of the marketing asset... another interesting point. I didn’t know that the Duffers outright admitted to listening to fans - the only instance I can think of is keeping Steve and El around. If there are more examples I’d like to hear them! I wonder how strongly Mileven features in the mind of your average viewer. Outside fandom spaces (the ST subreddit is a great example) most viewers don’t think or discuss the relationships on the show. They do consume the story in a very shallow way (not always a bad thing - that’s just my perspective). It’s only in fandom spaces like Tumblr (not really Twitter) that more in-depth conversations around canon relationships takes place. I don’t think that Mileven has that much marketing value. It’s not really marketed as a romantic show. In fact, I’d say that the themes of family and friendship are the pillars of the story, and it’s those that are most memorable to the average viewer. The writers have taken a lot of care in showing the different types of families (both functional and dysfunctional) and the importance of friendship (especially in S3, when puberty proves to be a key factor in unsettling the established friendship dynamic).

That being said, I take your point in that it is the easy way out to keep Mileven as endgame. It’s what everyone would expect. If you do actually go on the sub and search for Mike/Will and read the conversation there, most viewers have no idea as to the queer coding, and outright deny it. I’ve only come across a few comments that indicate some viewers interpreted the S3 fight/rain scene as something to do with Will’s feelings of insecurity around his sexuality (potentially). But I don’t think that even if Will and Mike got together the fanbase would revolt. As I said before, most people watch the show because it’s inventive and interesting, and it plays heavily on the 80s nostalgia card, which is already in vogue. No doubt there would be some homophobic rumblings, but, you know, society isn’t as progressive as it’s presented online. Homophobia and sexism is alive and well. We shouldn’t kid ourselves in thinking that Tumblr is reflective of common opinion, because it’s just not. And I say this as someone who survived Teen Wolf and Sterek, okay. Like, I remember Sterek being pushed at cons. It was a time.

And look, if you have a clown persona then so do I! I really enjoy these discussions and reading meta and devouring theories, because that’s just one way to enjoy the media you consume. I do think a lot about the relationship between canon and fanon and how creative works like fics or art fill that sense of yearning. If it means anything at all, I am hopeful for Byler. In fact, I’m more than cautiously optimistic: I am quite confident it will be canon. I do doubt it’ll play out as popular theories will suggest, and I say that because we’re not the writers, and we don’t know what’s in store. But there is enough in the source material to suggest that at the very least Will is gay and has feelings for Mike. I do think that Mike is gay (not bisexual) and reciprocates those feelings. But as we stand, canonically, at the end of S3, we can only take what’s given to us, and that is a Mileven cliffhanger.

Tl;dr: In a story about friendship and family that plays on 80s nostalgia, I don’t think Mileven is as large a marketing drawcard as you might think. I also don’t think that general viewers - like, your Joe Average viewer - necessarily care about the romantic lives of pre-teens and early teenagers when the pull of the story is the supernatural. But I do agree with you in that Mileven was written deliberately in S3, and it’s meant to be contrasted against the pre-romantic relationship Mike has with Will.

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Just How Cryptocurrency Works

In other words, cryptocurrency is digital cash, which is developed in such a way that it is safe and secure as well as anonymous in some circumstances. It is carefully connected with net that makes use of cryptography, which is basically a process where readable details is converted into a code that can not be cracked so as to tack all the transfers and purchases made.  Buy Ethereum Creditcard

Cryptography has a background going back to the The second world war, when there was a need to communicate in one of the most safe way. Since that time, an advancement of the very same has taken place and also it has ended up being digitalized today where various components of computer science and mathematical concept are being made use of for purposes of securing interactions, money as well as details online.

The initial cryptocurrency

The very initial cryptocurrency was introduced in the year 2009 and is still well known throughout the world. Much more cryptocurrencies have given that been presented over the past couple of years and today you can discover many offered online Buy Bitcoin EU.

Just how they function

This type of electronic money utilizes innovation that is decentralized so regarding enable the different customers to make payments that are secure and likewise, to store cash without necessarily making use of a name or perhaps going through a banks. They are generally operated on a blockchain. A blockchain is a public ledger that is distributed openly.

The cryptocurrency devices are normally created using a procedure that is described as mining. This usually involves making use of a computer power. Doing it in this manner resolves the mathematics issues that can be very complicated in the generation of coins. Customers are only permitted to acquire the currencies from the brokers and after that store them in cryptographic pocketbooks where they can invest them with excellent convenience.

Cryptocurrencies and also the application of blockchain innovation are still in the infant phases when thought about in financial terms. Even more uses might emerge in the future as there is no informing what else will be created. The future of negotiating on supplies, bonds as well as various other types of monetary assets might very well be traded utilizing the cryptocurrency and blockchain modern technology in the future EU.

Why use cryptocurrency?

Among the main characteristics of these currencies is the truth that they are secure and that they provide a privacy degree that you may not obtain anywhere else. There is no way in which a transaction can be reversed or forged. This is without a doubt the greatest reason that you must consider utilizing them Acquire Bitcoin EU.

The fees charged on this kind of money are likewise fairly low as well as this makes it an extremely trusted alternative when contrasted to the traditional currency. Given that they are decentralized in nature, they can be accessed by any individual unlike banks where accounts are opened up just by consent.

Cryptocurrency markets are offering a new money kind as well as sometimes the rewards can be fantastic. You might make a really small financial investment just to find that it has mushroomed into something terrific in a really short period of time. Nevertheless, it is still important to note that the market can be unpredictable too, and there are threats that are connected with getting EU.

Why Should You Sell Cryptocurrency?

The modern-day idea of cryptocurrency is coming to be incredibly popular amongst traders. An innovative principle introduced to the world by Satoshi Nakamoto as a side item came to be a hit. Decoding Cryptocurrency we comprehend crypto is something hidden as well as currency is a cash. It is a kind of money utilized in the block chain developed as well as stored. This is done through file encryption techniques in order to regulate the production and also confirmation of the money negotiated. Bit coin was the initial cryptocurrency which began Buy Bitcoin EU.

Cryptocurrency is just a part of the procedure of a digital database running in the virtual globe. The identification of the genuine person right here can not be figured out. Also, there is no centralized authority which regulates the trading of cryptocurrency. This currency amounts difficult gold maintained by people and the value of which is supposed to be getting raised by jumps and bounds. The digital system established by Satoshi is a decentralized one where just the miners deserve to make adjustments by validating the purchases launched. They are the only human touch carriers in the system.

Imitation of the cryptocurrency is not feasible as the whole system is based on tough core math and cryptographic problems. Only those people who can resolving these problems can make modifications to the database which is beside impossible. The deal once verified enters into the data source or the block chain which can not be turned around after that EU.

Cryptocurrency is just electronic money which is created with the assistance of coding method. It is based upon peer-to-peer control system. Allow us now understand just how one can be benefitted by trading in this market.

Can not be reversed or forged: Though lots of people can rebut this that the deals done are irreversible, however the best feature of cryptocurrencies is that once the purchase is confirmed. A brand-new block obtains added to the block chain and then the purchase can not be built. You become the proprietor of that block Purchase Bitcoin EU.

Online purchases: This not only makes it suitable for anyone being in any part of the globe to transact, yet it likewise relieves the speed with which purchase gets processed. As compared to actual time where you need 3rd parties to find right into the photo to get home or gold or take a loan, You only require a computer and a possible purchaser or seller in instance of cryptocurrency. This idea is simple, rapid and full of the leads of ROI.

The fee is reduced per purchase: There is reduced or no cost taken by the miners throughout the purchases as this is dealt with by the network EU.

Ease of access: The principle is so useful that all those people that have access to smartphones and also laptops can access the cryptocurrency market and also trade in it anytime anywhere. This access makes it even more rewarding. As the ROI is good, lots of nations like Kenya has presented the M-Pesa system permitting bit coin device which now allows 1 in every three Kenyans to have a bit coin budget with them Acquire Bitcoin EU.

Exactly How to Trade Cryptocurrencies - The Fundamentals of Buying Digital Currencies

Whether it's the idea of cryptocurrencies itself or diversification of their profile, people from all profession are investing in electronic currencies. If you're brand-new to the idea as well as questioning what's taking place, below are some fundamental principles and considerations for investment in cryptocurrencies EU.

What cryptocurrencies are offered and also just how do I get them?

With a market cap of about $278 billion, Bitcoin is one of the most well-known cryptocurrency. Ethereum is second with a market cap of over $74 billion. Besides these two currencies, there are a variety of various other alternatives too, consisting of Surge ($ 28B), Litecoin ($ 17B) and also MIOTA ($ 13B).

Being initially to market, there are a lot of exchanges for Bitcoin profession all over the world. BitStamp and Coinbase are two widely known US-based exchanges. Bitcoin.de is a well established European exchange. If you want trading other digital money in addition to Bitcoin, after that a crypto marketplace is where you will certainly find all the digital money in one location. Below is a checklist of exchanges according to their 24-hour profession volume Get Bitcoin EU.

What options do I have to store my cash?

Another essential factor to consider is storage space of the coins. One option, certainly, is to keep it on the exchange where you buy them. However, you will certainly have to be careful in picking the exchange. The popularity of digital money has caused numerous brand-new, unknown exchanges turning up anywhere. Make the effort to do your due persistance so you can prevent the scammers.

Another choice you have with cryptocurrencies is that you can keep them yourself. One of the best options for saving your investment is hardware purses. Business like Journal permit you store Bitcoins and also several various other electronic currencies also.

What's the marketplace like and also how can I learn more concerning it?

The cryptocurrency market rises and fall a lot. The volatile nature of the marketplace makes it much more suited for a long-lasting play.

6 Advantages of Buying Cryptocurrencies

The birth of bitcoin in 2009 opened up doors to investment chances in an entirely new sort of possession class - cryptocurrency. Lots got in the space method very early Buy Bitcoin EU.

Fascinated by the enormous capacity of these fledgling but appealing assets, they got cryptos at cheap costs. As a result, the bull run of 2017 saw them become millionaires/ billionaires. Also those that really did not risk much enjoyed decent revenues.

Three years later cryptocurrencies still stay rewarding, and the market is right here to stay. You might already be an investor/trader or perhaps considering attempting your luck. In both instances, it makes good sense to know the benefits of buying cryptocurrencies Purchase Bitcoin EU.

Cryptocurrency Has a Brilliant Future

According to a record entitled Imagine 2030, released by Deutsche Bank, credit report and debit cards will certainly become obsolete. Smart devices and various other digital tools will replace them.

Cryptocurrencies will no more be viewed as outcasts however choices to existing monetary systems. Their benefits, such as security, speed, minimal transaction costs, convenience of storage, and also significance in the electronic period, will be acknowledged.

Concrete governing standards would promote cryptocurrencies, as well as enhance their adoption. The report projections that there will certainly be 200 million cryptocurrency pocketbook users by 2030, as well as nearly 350 million by the year 2035.

Chance to be part of an Expanding Community

WazirX's #IndiaWantsCrypto campaign just recently completed 600 days. It has actually ended up being a massive motion sustaining the adoption of cryptocurrencies and blockchain in India.

Likewise, the recent Supreme Court judgment nullifying RBI's crypto banking restriction from 2018 has actually instilled a brand-new rush of confidence among Indian bitcoin and also cryptocurrency financiers.

The 2020 Edelman Count on Barometer Report additionally mentions individuals' increasing belief in cryptocurrencies and blockchain technology. According to the searchings for, 73% of Indians depend on cryptocurrencies and also blockchain technology. 60% say that the influence of cryptocurrency/blockchain will be positive.

By being a cryptocurrency investor, you stand to be a component of a successful as well as quickly expanding community Buy Bitcoin EU.

Boosted Earnings Potential

Diversification is a necessary financial investment thumb policy. Particularly, throughout these times when most of the possessions have incurred hefty losses due to economic challenges spurred by the COVID-19 pandemic.

While financial investment in bitcoin has actually offered 26% returns from the starting of the year to date, gold has returned 16%. Numerous various other cryptocurrencies have registered three-digit ROI. Securities market as we all recognize have posted depressing efficiencies. Petroleum costs infamously crashed below 0 in the month of April.

Consisting of bitcoin or any kind of various other cryptocurrencies in your portfolio would shield your fund's worth in such unpredictable worldwide market circumstances. This truth was likewise impressed upon by billionaire macro bush fund supervisor Paul Tudor Jones when a month back he revealed plans to purchase Bitcoin.

Cryptocurrency and Taxation Difficulties

Cryptocurrencies have remained in the news recently because tax obligation authorities think they can be used to launder cash and also avert taxes. Also the Supreme Court appointed an Unique Investigating Group on Black Cash advised that trading in such money be discouraged. While China was reported to have actually banned some its biggest Bitcoin trading operators, nations such as the UNITED STATES and Canada have laws in place to restrict supply trade in cryptocurrency.

What is Cryptocurrency?

Cryptocurrency, as the name recommends, utilizes encrypted codes to effect a purchase. These codes are acknowledged by various other computer systems in the user community. As opposed to utilizing fiat money, an on the internet ledger is upgraded by regular accounting entries. The purchaser's account is debited and also the seller's account is attributed with such currency.

Exactly How are Transactions Made on Cryptocurrency?

When a transaction is initiated by one individual, her computer system sends a public cipher or public key that interacts with the personal cipher of the person receiving the currency. If the receiver approves the deal, the initiating computer connects a piece of code onto a block of a number of such encrypted codes that is understood to every user in the network. Special users called 'Miners' can affix the added code to the publicly shared block by solving a cryptographic challenge and earn more cryptocurrency in the process. As soon as a miner verifies a deal, the record in the block can not be altered or erased.

BitCoin, as an example, can be utilized on mobile devices as well to establish purchases. All you need do is let the receiver check a QR code from an app on your mobile phone or bring them in person by using Near Field Communication (NFC). Keep in mind that this is very similar to ordinary on the internet pocketbooks such as PayTM or MobiQuick Acquire Bitcoin EU.

Die-hard customers speak highly of BitCoin for its decentralized nature, international approval, anonymity, permanence of transactions and also data security. Unlike paper currency, no Central Bank controls inflationary pressures on cryptocurrency. Purchase journals are stored in a Peer-to-Peer network. That suggests every computer chips in its computer power as well as copies of databases are stored on every such node in the network. Financial institutions, on the other hand, shop deal data in central repositories which remain in the hands of exclusive individuals worked with by the firm.

How Can Cryptocurrency be used for Money Laundering?

The very reality that there is no control over cryptocurrency purchases by Central Banks or tax obligation authorities indicates that transactions can not constantly be labelled to a certain individual. This suggests that we do not understand whether the transactor has acquired the shop of worth legitimately or not. The transactee's store is likewise suspect as no one can inform what consideration was provided for the currency got.

What does Indian Law State concerning such Virtual Currencies?

Virtual Money or cryptocurrencies are generally seen as items of software program and hence classify as a good under the Sale of Item Act, 1930.

Being an excellent, indirect tax obligations on their sale or purchase as well as GST on the solutions supplied by Miners would certainly apply to them.

There is still quite a bit of complication regarding whether cryptocurrencies stand as money in India as well as the RBI, which has authority over clearing up and settlement systems and also pre-paid negotiable tools, has absolutely not accredited buying and selling by means of this medium of exchange.

Any kind of cryptocurrencies gotten by a local in India would therefore be governed by the Fx Management Act, 1999 as an import of items right into this nation.

India has actually enabled the trading of BitCoins in Unique Exchanges with integrated safeguards for tax evasion or money-laundering tasks as well as enforcement of Know Your Consumer norms. These exchanges consist of Zebpay, Unocoin as well as Coinsecure.

Those investing in BitCoins, as an example, are liable to be charged on dividends received.

Capital gains received because of sale of securities entailing Virtual currencies are also reliant be tired as earnings and also following online filing of IT returns.

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How do I activate Cash App card without QR code in 2020?

It's now amazingly easy to send or receive money from the Cash App. This new system comes with a visa debit card known as Cash App Card, which allows you to make payments to many different businesses. An activate cash app card provides excellent autonomy to people that might not, because of a battery or community issues, rely on their telephone to deal with their retail trades. The Cash App card service fees are rather low and demand the very simplicity of use as a conventional debit card.

It's crucial to notice for Cash App card activation, the card is linked to your money program, instead of bank accounts. It makes Square's card completely different from the debit card you will have linked to a money program.

Cash App card activation

If you happen to lose or don't get QR Code, then you can still activate the Cash App card. The next steps will allow you to complete the procedure relatively fast:

·         Open the Cash App and tap on the account balance on your Cash App home display.

·         Click "Activate"

·         Look for your "Support" tab in the exact bottom of this screen and click it.

·         Select "Use CVV Rather" in the given list of Options

·         After this enter the CVV that you received on the registered number for Cash App card activation

How to use the Cash App card?

You can use Cash App card in an ATM and withdraw cash in just a couple of straightforward steps. And, users may withdraw cash from any accredited bank hassle-freely & 24*7. Each of the cash app users is eligible to get a Visa Debit Card.

The Cash App card functions in the same manner as any other ordinary bank card does. All of the data remains encrypted from the processor. Thus, safety and stress-free trade are ensured. Another largest benefit is that users can disable and enable Cash App ATM Card and change key PIN code too through Cash App settings.

Do I have to activate my Cash App Card?

Yes, one has to activate your cash app card to use it in the store or ATM, you can order your cash card at home and then you can use the card like your normal ATM card, here Talking about the balance, your cash app account will work for your bank for cash app card so that whatever balance will be in your cash app account, after your cash card is active you can use it with cash app card.

We have seen people experiencing problems with Cash App Activate Card and Cash Card Activation, but let me tell you that it is one and the same thing that you should once again go with the blog for Cash App Card Activation or other simply put; we can activate the cash card. We have updated the blog just for you guys, when you ask how to activate cash app card you have, you are in the right place with all the information of the cash app card in one place. You also have more topics to clarify about the working and problem steps of the cash app.

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Top 3 Legit Hookup Sites that Actually WORK in 2021

Finding a hookup near you used to be a great ordeal. You may have depended on personal ads or expensive online dating sites. Luckily for all of us, these days it's easy to find free hookup sites that actually work. Whether you are seeking a love connection or just a casual date, there are tons of exciting opportunities out there. We've put together this list to support you in finding the right hookup site for your needs. Let's get started.

SearchingForSingles.com - Best for men

Bumble app - Best for women

Blendr - Best for international dating

SearchingForSingles.com

Pros:

● Packed with all the hottest girls

● The girls are very easy-going compared to other sites

Cons:

● No app, only a website

● The search function could be better

SearchingForSingles is an online platform where you can meet local strangers and chat, flirt, and exchange juicy pics. The main aim of the website is to connect people from different places, or from the same hometown, so they can get to know each other better and eventually have an affair, occasional sex, or even create a friends with benefits relationship. The platform doesn’t ask for a pricey subscription like many other sites; instead, you can purchase credits and pay for sending pictures or messages.

On SearchingForSingles, it’s either you who’s looking for the girls or the chicks who are looking for you themselves. You can scroll through all the hot girls, add them to your favorites, and chat with them about dirty stuff. They can also like you and get in touch whenever they feel like it. There are multiple search options available on the platform but, if you’re risky, the Match Game will be perfect for you. It’s a free game that shows you random chicks you might like, and you can either swipe right or left. The same applies for the lady; she can like or skip you. If you get a match, you can carry on searching or start a conversation. Sending pics and dirty texts is very much encouraged! Want a pro-tip? Don’t put too much pressure on the chicks; be polite and nice. No dick-pics in the first message. Or in the second. Unless a chick asks you for one ;-)

All SearchingForSingles users go through an email verification process and fill out their personal details, so you’re guaranteed that all users are legit. Your transactions are also safe as payments are made through a third-party banking page, meaning the payment is processed there. This ensures SearchingForSingles doesn't take any additional fees or hidden charges from you and doesn’t share your card information with third parties. To avoid potential fraud, don't overshare your personal information or send money to anybody. Although SearchingForSingles takes your safety very seriously and really attempts to protect your chats and private information, it's your responsibility to control what you share.

Are you ready to get pussy hunting? Sure you are! Let’s hope this SearchingForSingles review helped you realize what you need, who to look for, and how to flirt with the best chicks out there. Get ready for some epic flings, flirts, chats, and maybe sex eventually? Who knows where this site may lead you! Test it for yourself!

Check out SearchingForSingles.com

Bumble

Pros:

● Gives women more control

● The majority of matches lead to a conversation

Cons:

● Limited search function

● Men can't make the first move

Bumble is a unique hookup app that gives women the upper hand. If you're a woman in the online dating scene, you know exactly how frustrating it can be to trawl through unwanted messages.

Bumble has created a simple yet effective way to tackle this common complaint of online dating. Here's how it works. It uses the ever-popular swiping system to create matches. Once a match is made, the woman must be the one to start a conversation. If a message isn't sent within a specific timeframe, the match disappears.

Now, if you're a guy, this system can be a little frustrating, but it also removes the pressure of messaging first. You’ll no longer have to worry about those cheesy pick-up lines; just sit back and allow your inbox to flood with messages.

If you're wanting a casual hookup, Bumble is an excellent option. Whilst many users on there are looking for long-term relationships, it's still fairly easy to find a hookup or a one-night stand.

Check out Bumble

Blendr

Pros:

● Easy to find friends with benefits

● Dedicated hookup feature

Cons:

● The user base is still small in the U.S.

● Some inactive accounts

Blendr is a new option for millennials looking for friends with benefits. This site has a dedicated "encounters" section making it easy to find a hookup near you.

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[dumbdancemomssideblog]

S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world. 

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet 

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh] 

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :( 

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/ 

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged) 

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4: 

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call? 

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho.... 

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

[eyeofnewtblog]

Chapter Ninety-One

Debbie catches sight of another three watchers, idling slowly through the junkyard, never really turning their backs on her family. She adjusts her grip on the 18 inch adjustable crescent wrench she’s holding, and angles her body towards Mary. She holds three fingers over her heart and scratches while she makes eye contact with her niece. Mary shifts her gaze, catches sight of them, and rolls her eyes. 

Zoh’ziof comes trotting up to them, brandishing something metal and complicated in his hands, yipping excitedly. 

“Baby, honey,” Debbie sighs, tapping her ear frantically.

“Yes, sorry,” Zoh’ziof finally manages, fumbling the translator on. “It’s just so surprising to find the kind of technology that we’ve been trying to build for the last ten years discarded in a junk heap. But anyway, this is going to take care of a lot of the hard drive issues we’ve been having. Now that we’ve welded wheels and very basic mechanical arms to most of the AIs, this is going to let them have even more autonomy! They can do data dumps of their core personalities onto this matrix, while still functioning in the real world like any other biologically made creature. I’m very excited about this! I wonder how you’ve managed to make the device so small; I bet it's some sort of derivative of quantum-”

“Zoh, I think the Doc is calling me, so I’m gonna do a perimeter sweep while I take this, okay? You go ahead and keep looking for stuff. You’re doing great.” Debbie pats him gently on the wrist, smiles, and tries to sidle away, especially from Mary’s glare. Sure enough, the Morin doesn’t care who he’s talking to, as long as he’s allowed to be excited at someone.

Debbie sweeps the yard with her eyes again, taking in the three she’s just spotted, the four that tailed them from the shipyard, and the two that were already at the junkyard when they’d arrived. Nothing special about them; plain clothes, a mix of species, but always at least one human. Guns strapped to their hips, maybe a few hidden knives, probably ex-fleet, but staying far enough away that they’re clearly just watching. Not looking for their own treasures, considering the fact that they never pause to look over anything that doesn’t have a reflective surface to watch them in. 

The human faces are vaguely familiar, like she might have seen them in passing more than a few times, but she knows for a fact that that she’s never had a direct introduction. It’s bugging her, an itch in her bones that’s growing like a missing limb, right up until she glances over at the entrance of the junkyard. 

One blond human male in a civie suit, flanked by five officials in riot gear, the refraction armor glittering in the weak sun. They scatter rainbows over the ground as they start toward her. 

“Mary, trebuchet! Zoh’ziof, Iditarod! Issac, circle the wagons! Adam, M’kxt, fast n’ furious!” Debbie screams across the junkyard, her voice carrying to every corner. 

Debbie white knuckles the wrench in her hand, feels her front teeth go dry from her lips pulling back. She knows the blond asshat in the suit; she walks slowly out to meet him, letting her family scatter behind her according to their coded instructions. 

She can feel the laser pistol in her hip holster rubbing against her thigh, the knife hilt rubbing at the small of her back, the wrench in her hand; the only thing she has to decide on is how to move her body. She can hope for movement of the watchers, but not court on them. 

“Harry. Hey. How professional do I look now?” She asks, stalking forward. 

“Well, considering the fact that you’re actually wearing sensible shoes, pretty good.” The blond man says. 

Debbie draws her arm back, flattening her palm, as she walks towards him. His eyes dart to her shoulder and back to her face, and she brings her arm around to slap him just as she kicks him in the balls. She brings the slapping hand down to her hip pistol as she pivots, bringing the wrench up to smash into the refraction shield of the nearest officer. 

The shield fractures, but she’s spinning away before her niece can fry a hole through brain matter. She doesn’t even bother with fighting the others, just draws her pistol and snugs the muzzle against the base of Harry’s skull. 

She waits for the whine of their rifles to shift to full power as Harry raises his hands above his head. 

“Not a smart move, Debbie,” he says. 

“You ever play blackjack twenty-one?” Debbie fires back. “I'm guessing not, because you really suck at counting cards.” 

She smiles as the crunch of gravel and the high whine of charged pistols sounds behind her. She doesn’t have to turn to know that the separate groups tailing her have come to her rescue.

“Harry, it’s only fair to warn you. I’m really fucking mad at you for calling my murder pumps unprofessional.” 

“I came here to arrest you, and you’re holding me at gunpoint over a pair of shoes?” Debbie grinds the muzzle into the base of his skull, wishing it was an antique revolver that made clicking noises. 

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna tell you the same thing Uncle Mike will. You made a bad play, and your plan didn’t work because you’re an idiot. Now, would my new guests care to introduce themselves, or do they want to remain anonymous creepy stalkers?”

“Nah, not right now. We just wanted to see if you were anything like Rachel. And if you were, we might want to negotiate some long term arrangements.”

“Harry, this is what good negotiation tactics sound like. In what way do I benefit from you arresting me? In another six months to a year, rouge AIs won’t even be illegal, so the thing you’re trying to achieve is pointless to begin with.”

“You really believe that the prime minister, the ACTING prime minister who was a designated survivor, can push through a bill that drastic-”

Debbie pulls the gun back and hits him in the back with the wrench. 

“I believe that Uncle Mike will want to see us for the holidays. Also, you’ve clearly never met him.”

“You’re not just violating the AI regulations, you’re also recruiting child soldiers-”

“You can keep talking, but I will bash your skull in.” Debbie waits, but she’s met with silence. “Alright, let’s get them cuffed and then get out of here.”

She holsters her pistol, then holds one fist up above her head. She extends one finger, makes a circle, and watches just long enough for Mary to get down and out. 

“Where you headed now?” One of her rescuers asks. 

“No idea. But you’re welcome to tag along if you’re interested.”