#i know i basically killed this blog when i went inactive for a month but hey )

[eddisfargo]

CoMC Chapter 108

CHAPTER 108

The Judge

24 minutes

Whoa! The reckoning is at hand for Locusta! 

First, we get Noirtier glaring bloody murder at the murderess and then at her so-far inactive husband. Villefort promises he’ll do it--just one more day. Locusta and her son (do we even know her actual name, btw?) are playing a disgustingly adorable little fetch game with kisses, but they’re both horrible people so whatever. 

Villefort pulls an all-nighter on the Benedetto case. He takes a little nap and wakes up. 

So he wakes up like TODAY’S THE DAY. Wifey dearest is all “I sent you some hot chocolate honey, because you’re so sweet ;) <3 <3”  and he’s all “this is probably poisoned.” But then he chugs it anyway because que sera sera at this point. Turns out it was not poisoned. 

Then she’s all “OK I’m ready to come with you to your big trial baby!! I wanna see it! Should I bring our son??” and he’s all “no look we need to talk.” He tries to get Edward out of the room--Edward’s innocently destroying the things his mother is reading--and Edward’s like “umm but mommy didn’t say, so I don’t gotta.” So Villefort YELLS at him and he goes “OK OK I’M GOING GEEZ” 

Now, I don’t usually use direct quotes because that’s tricky with an audiobook, and even when I happen upon them while I relisten at 2x speed to write these sometimes, I tend not to use them because I don’t want to set a precedent, hahaha. But this one has stuck in my mind since this morning when I heard it (like 12 hours ago), and would have even if he hadn’t repeated it 2 or 3 times. He asks his wife, “Where do you keep the poison you generally use?” Which is just so BRUTALLY casual. And she’s like “w-w-w-whaaaat??” And he’s like “you know, the poison you killed my entire family with. That poison.” 

So it’s out there. He recaps everyone she’s poisoned so far, she doesn’t deny it. She asks if she’s speaking to her husband or to the judge, and he’s like “TO THE JUDGE” (hence chapter title). 

So he gives her a choice. Find the poison she “generally uses,” and dead herself up before he gets home from court today. If not, she’ll swing on the scaffold. . He’d rather the poison so as not to bring dishonor on his house. Because obviously if yet another person gets poisoned in this household where 4 people have already died, everyone will just be like “tralala that’s fine.” 

And she’s actually expecting him to let her live!! After killing his beloved, innocent daughter and several other people! Just like she was expecting to somehow get away with this ridiculously unsubtle crime. It’s a shame she won’t live long enough to find two brain cells to rub together. 

(Probably got that idea from that post someone did with a table of people’s brain cell count vs perceived brain cell count in this book. Will definitely share that when I finish. I want to say I saw it on @edettethegreat‘s? But I try to avoid your blog until I’m done, haha. Especially since I went to one of your friends’ blogs and saw something about MC’s big reveal to Morrel before I actually got there. I didn’t read it! Just saw that there was a scene where he revealed his identity, which I pretty much knew there had to be. Luckily stopped before I saw more). 

So, got to admit I’m a little disappointed in Villefort’s actions here. Team Avenger was promised a REALLY HORRIBLE reckoning, the likes of which would MAKE YOUR HAIR CURL or something (he definitely never said that, but it was implied to be just appalling). And it turns out it’s… suicide or face legal punishment for your crimes? I mean yeah, that’s pretty much the default options, barring “get away with it.” 

Aaaanyway, prediction time I guess. What will be Locusta Villainfort’s choice? If her husband finds her alive when he returns home, she swings. Clearly poison’s the better choice, right? Uh-oh, he left a loophole. If he doesn’t find her home at all, she probably thinks she can survive this. She’s probably wrong, but w/ever. Ooooh, maybe she’ll go to THE GUY WHO GAVE HER THE POISON. That’d be interesting!! And what would he say? “Whaaaat? I gave you MEDICINE for your FAINTING SPELLS! I was NEVER expecting you to POISON people with it!”? 

Also, further predictions: Valentine’s got to wake up soon, right? Cuz like. She can’t just live with no heartbeat or breath or food in that vault for long, I presume. Pretty sure Juliet woke up like, the next day. I’m guessing she doesn’t… decompose, since she’s NOT DEAD, I’m still pretty solid on that. And I know the potion is basically handwavy magic-style science, so who knows what its properties are, but here’s what’s bothering me. It’s pretty assured that Morrel is supposed to be miserable for another solid month (to the hour) after his suicide attempt, which obviously means no Valentine. She presumably is going to walk in right as he starts to shoot himself or whatever the heck. I’m… not currently able to make the timing work out. Does he revive her (has he already) and then just… hide her for a month, for some reason? Is she off in Hayding? (get it? Hiding with Haydee? Did that work? Probably not. They are legit pronounced the same though, according to my audiobook)

Guess we’ll see! 

[kyloreyorgana]

STAR WARS 9 ! TROS SPOILERS !

In case this is not obvious enough, this post will contain SPOILERS for the last Star Wars movie, which I’m just now coming home from. These are my first thoughts. I have tried to tag as best I could so that people who mute the tags don’t see my post. Do not proceed f you don’t want to read any spoilers.

You have been warned. Long (and I mean LONG) post ahead.

First of all, I’m happy to be back y’all! Just with TLJ, I come from months (or has it been years already ?) of inactivity to jump right back into the fandom, as obsessed as I was back when I came home from TFA. Which is funny because at the time TFA came out, I had lost all interest in Star Wars and heard so many critics from people who’d seen it and said it was horrible and that Disney basically sold the franchise to the devil that I didn’t even want to see it, to keep the good memories closer to my heart. One night, one month after its theatrical release, I thought “aw fuck I might as well see it, at least for Carrie, Mark and Harrisson” so I went to the cheap theater that was near my home... I had zero expectation, and really I think it’s the reason why I loved the movie so much. I didn’t chose to ship Reylo, this ship whacked me like Harley Quinn’s oversized hammer with the Hades and Persephone aesthetics. When I came out, completely mesmerized with what I had just seen, I jumped on Tumblr as soon as I got home, and I ended up creating this blog just days later. I wanted more and more, fics, metas, fanarts, headcannons, theories, cracks, I could never get enough. For TLJ and TROS, I had lost most interest in the fanfics and the fandom (because as much as I love the movies and some people in the fandom, most of it can eat shit as far as I’m concerned). I heard so many critics of TROS already, I was afraid I was going to be disappointed. But I loved it. Only Star Wars can make me go from utterly uninterested to “Wow I can’t wait to see this new Star Wars in theater, what a time to be alive”, to a stage of total obsession that lasts for months. And that is the reason why I don’t give two shits about anyone disliking the movies. It’s sad you didn’t like them, but it made me feel the same way I felt right back when I was a child watching the original movies with my father. It feels like home. And that is the best thing I could ask for.

Like in TLJ, I cried as soon as I heard the first note of the opening. The last Skywalker story, the last time I ever see my Space Mommy on the big screen...

I know the Reylo community is about to be nuts. The whole movie, like TLJ before it, is basically a series of things we’ve already done in fics and theories. I am 100% positive I have read a fic where Rey and Ren try to hold back a ship with the Force and Rey ends up involuntarily shooting lightning. Whichever one of you did it is probably going to have a stroke in the theater. I nearly did.

And really, I wish I could see the look on the Antis’ faces when they see the movie. I’m sure it is a sight to behold. I wanted to scream “TAKE THAT, BITCHES” more than once. As in TLJ.

My biggest fear was what they would do with Leia. I knew Disney said they wouldn’t use CGI and chose to stick with the scenes Carrie had already shot, and I was afraid it wouldn’t honor Leia’s legacy. Well I... have mixed feelings. While the way they used Carrie’s scenes and made it look like she really is here is to be lauded, it sometimes feels like Leia had nothing interesting to say but they tried to put her in a dialogue anyway, because she needed to be seen doing (or rather, saying) something in the Resistance. And about her death... I still can’t put my finger on what exactly I didn’t like about it but I felt like something was missing. Watching the scene, at first I didn’t know if she was having a heart attack or if she stabbed herself or chose to give up her life because she somehow felt it was the moment, I’m still not sure just why she did what she did. I wish they put something more to motivate her decision and explain what exactly she does. I don’t know, a flashback of Leia holding baby Ben, a little more dialogue, something. Not just Leia suddenly getting up and going to bed whispering her son’s name. 

I knew I was going to be disappointed. Among all the celebrities’ deaths, Carrie’s is the one that affected me the most, and believe me I was a wreck when Bowie passed. I miss her, I think about her every single day. And Leia deserved more, much more. When I saw TFA, part of the reason why I loved the movie was that, even though it pained my heart that Han and Leia’s son turned out this way, I thought they would make it right. I spent hours imagining a scene in the 9th movie where Ren would defeat Rey (incapacitate her the Skywalker style cutting her hand or something) and approach to give the killing blow, and Leia would enter the scene, pick up Rey’s lightsaber, look her son dead in the eye and say “Over my dead body, son”. Because Leia would never give up without a fight, even with her son. And she would get her son back, and her story arc would have been completed. I would have paid good money to see this. 

Episode 9 was supposed to be Leia’s movie, just like ep. 7 was Han’s and ep. 8 was Luke’s. When Carrie died, I knew it would be compromised and it broke my heart, because Leia deserved better. She lost everything. Her parents, her planet, her father, her husband, her son, her brother, the Rebellion, the Resistance, everything. She fought all the way, all her life even faced with the worst odds she never gave up hope, she inspired hundreds of people to keep fighting for what is right, and she would never have a satisfactory ending. What a fucking heartbreak. She didn’t even get to see Lando. Leia deserved more. Every little girl in this world who grew up with her as a role model deserved more. But c’est la vie, as we say in French... My only solace is that I know fanfics and fanarts are going to make me feel a little better about it.

Of course I cried every time I saw her on screen, and especially when they honored her body, as we all honored Carrie when she passed away. This was one of the many fanservice moments, and surely the one I liked the most, although there was some concurrence (more to it later).

Another thing I didn’t like is what they did to Poe’s character. Many people disliked TLJ because of it, which they attributed to a political agenda of hate on men. This is so ridiculous and has already been debated enough that I won’t get into it. I did like the evolution of his character in TLJ, because for me it was an interesting character development as well as a good message: wartime is not only about barging in fights head first, shoot first think later, as is, let’s be honest, everything Anakin ever does. At one point, the narrative of the reckless hero who saves the day when a situation seems impossible and everyone begs him not to do it gets old. Sometimes in war, you have to think ahead, to plot, and yes, listen to what your allies have to say. And it actually was a good critic of toxic masculinity. Could the conflict between Poe and Holdo have been avoided with minimally sane conversation ? YES. But the message was here (as were Holdo’s hair and dress and WOW gurl) and I thought that was it, and Poe would evolve into a wiser person.

But this Poe is, at least in the first half of the movie, not very likable. Hear me, I never really liked Han Solo (never been into macho men) but I really loved Poe in TFA because he was genuinely nice and brave. Here, he’s bitter and annoying. I told myself that he was jealous of Rey because he heard of Finn’s crush on her and he wanted to keep Finn all for himself, which I know is just a crack headcannon, but hey, anything to make it better I guess.

Of course, I’ll never forgive Disney for not making FinnPoe a thing, when even Oscar Isaac ships them hard. And trying to make Poe flirt with the other girl (whose name I even forgot and whose face we didn’t even see, now tell me again how Star Wars has been corrupted by feminists... sigh)  Speaking of, it is me or did two women kiss at the end ? 

I liked the new droid, it reminded me of my puppy. But at the end, it was just another fanservice moment, it didn’t really do anything useful onscreen apart from being cute and funny.

When Rey was finally revealed to be a Palpatine as I hoped, I giggled like a wee girl. Watching TFA, I begged the old gods and the new that they wouldn’t make her another Skywalker, because it would’ve spoiled the Star Wars spirit for me. The whole franchise, in my opinion, is a story about fighting for what you believe is right, no matter who you or your parents are or where you come from. Even though Luke and Leia’s ended up being Vader’s children, they weren’t the only meaningful characters. Anakin was basically a Space Jesus and went from a total nobody to the Chosen One. I didn’t want Rey to be a Skywalker because it would mean that your importance would only ever lay in your bloodline, and that is depressing and totally against the spirit of the Rebellion/Resistance: no matter who you are, you can fight for what is right. For this reason, I wished for Rey to be either a real nobody or Palpatine’s granddaughter, which is also why I liked the fact that Han and Leia’s son turned out bad, even though it made me sad for them (Leia didn’t deserve this). No matter your bloodline, you can always make things right, or fuck up badly if you let yourself be taken away. And, of course, the reveal that Rey and Kylo Ren are two sides of the same coin (aka one of the many times where I picture us Reylos screaming CALLED IT in our seats) was exactly what I hoped for, a beautiful balance. I didn’t share Palpatine’s implication that a Palpatine and a Skywalker are meant to work together, though. That is not how I choose to interpret this duality. That is not what they end up doing, anyway.

Speaking of that old pal Patine, seeing the trailers I feared I would feel nauseated that they chose to reanimate the Big Old Villain, just like they reanimated the Even Bigger Death Star in TFA (how lazy can you be ?). But I enjoyed it. What saved it was Palpatine’s will to be killed by Rey to perpetuate the Sith rite of passage. I don’t even care if it’s cannon or not. I was afraid they would recreate Vader’s dilemma in ROTJ with Rey, but I liked the choices she made. And the throne scene worked for me. Like the rest of the movie it was flawed, for instance we don’t even get an explanation on how he survived. Just like we don’t even get what Finn wanted to tell Rey, even though it was emphasized several times. Was it a love declaration ? What happened to the rushed romance with Rose in TLJ ? (What happened to Rose, actually). While we’re at it, why did Palpatine want Ren to kill Rey ? So many questions. So many flaws.

And, of course I cannot comment this film without mentioning my sweet star-crossed lovers, Rey and Ben. First, I’m really eager to see your reactions. We did it, Reylos! Years of hate and slander and we were right all along. Let’s rejoice.

I like Rey’s evolution. For the moment, I don’t feel like I have too much to say about it (which is fine because this post is way too long already). I like the way she handles her emotions, I like her choices and her character evolution. 

And Ben. Oh, sweet Ben. Although I think the part where he gets his old mask fixed wasn’t necessary, I kinda like what they did with him as well. I must say though that I liked his hair in TFA better.  Oh boy, I loved Kylo Ren but I absolutely adore Ben Solo. And I think the way the movie depicts him even surpasses some fics. The moment when Rey gives him the lightsaber and he gets up and does the Han shrug  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I almost lost my mind. This ties with the hommage to Leia’s body as my favorite fanservice moment.

And their relationship... Look, I know I wet my pants really enjoyed myself in TLJ when they held hands, but that scene felt rushed even for me who ships them with the force of a thousand suns. Like many things in TLJ (and, as I said, also in TROS) it felt like things I had already seen in fanfics, but in the fics I enjoyed the most Rey had tried to kill him at least 5 mores times before even agreeing to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Their romance in TLJ felt like it was hormone-driven, but I get Johnson couldn’t really do a slow burn in 2 hours. When Leia died and they both felt it in the Force, I could feel that Rey wanted to touch him, to confort him, to grieve with him. I’m glad she didn’t. It wasn’t time. And I really like that she told him she wanted to hold Ben’s hand, not his. And Ben, the Dork Knight, finally realized that if he wanted The Girl, he shouldn’t, you know, threaten her and chase her but get back to the Light Side like she begged him multiple times. Because he really isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, this is apparently what makes him choose to tip over. That or the fact she saved his life. I was still frustrated by Leia’s death so I don’t know if I’m not entirely convinced because it happened just after, I’d have to watch it again. I liked Han’s moment, though.

And in my opinion, Rey and Ren’s fight on the wreck of the Death Star is as good as Anakin and Obi-Wan’s. My Reylo heart will always have a special place for their couple fight in TLJ (aka the best non-sex sex scene in cinema, don’t @ me) but I also liked this fight in light of their relation. Surprisingly, it reminded me more of their fight at the end of TFA, when we see Ren holding his blows and Rey barging in. I thought it was endearing.

The end. Oh my god, the end. I can’t wait to see the first gifs and I really really can’t wait for the HD gifs, because oh boy, I now only live for Ben Solo’s smile. That’s it, I found my will to live, my depression is cured. And the way he handles Rey’s body with the utmost care (while Finn apparently watches it and does or says nothing). And that kiss... And the SMILE. And the KISS. 

Oh, dear gods. Oh dear.

I can’t wait for the first fics in which Ben doesn’t die and they live happily ever after on Tatooine or Naboo or wherever they damn want. Or the fics where he is indeed dead and they still share a beautiful relationship (if Force Ghost Luke could get his X-Wing out of the water, I’m eager to imagine what Ben would do with his Force dick, tongue and fingers. Forgive me, it’s getting late and I’m still flustered thinking of their kiss)

And the fact that she declares herself a Skywalker ? I know a lot of people are disappointed in this, but apart from the fact that she completely deserves the title in my opinion when she inherited the will of both Luke and Leia, which is reason enough, she is absolutely married to Ben and deserves her place in that family. Also, it’s again a beautiful way to remind you that bloodlines don’t matter as much as what we choose to do with our lives. And while I’m glad they showed Leia’s Force ghost (I would’ve been really mad if they didn’t) I’m super frustrated they didn’t show Ben’s. What am I to believe, that he gave his life for her, became one with the Force and vanished into litteral nothingness for him to never be seen again ? Like hell I don’t. Again, counting on the fics and arts to right this wrong.

The movie sure has its flaws, and I still have many unanswered questions, like what the fuck is the badge Maz gives Chewie, or how Rey does her lightsaber staff at the end, and I wish they explained some things better. I wasn’t sure if the saber Leia wanted Rey to have was hers or her mother’s. Most of those questions will be answered by bigger geeks than me in this fandom, so I really can’t wait to read from y’all.

I know a whole lot of people are going to hate the movie. The antis, the gatekeeping trve fans (already I’ve seen people say that those who enjoyed the movies are not Real Star Wars Fans and welp, we’re going to see a lot of shit). The manbabies who genuinely believe in a feminist takeover and see equality as a direct threat. I’m specifically happy they will be disappointed while I got the privilege of enjoying Star Wars as much as I did. It’s not my fault, or Disney’s fault even, that they turned out to be on the Empire’s side. And the day has not come when I defend a megacorporation. 

Leia was the first SJW. The Resistance lives on. People will always fight against evil, like it or not. I know the world is a shitty place and we don’t have much hope nowadays for things to get better, and Star Wars has always motivated me to keep going and stick to my values and my convictions. I felt chills several times in the movie, like at the end where everyone comes to fight, and now I’m more willing to keep fighting than ever. For Leia.

Godspeed, Rebels! 

[svtskneecaps]

@transparentnctseventeenperson YOU WANTED GUIDES HERE U GO I THREW MYSELF OUT OF MY BED IN EXCITEMENT SEEING THAT I STG

(people who know better pls check my work am baby)

THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT: TRCNG is a ten membered boy group under ts entertainment that debuted in October 2017 with Spectrum and deserves the absolute world thank u. Fandom name is Champions, we waited for y e a r s and we finally have it

(unfortunately i don’t speak korean and can’t force myself to watch through videos i don’t understand longer than like ten seconds, and with a lack of subbed video content there’s only so much i know about personalities so i’ll have to mostly stay away from there,,,,, i’m sorry)

Music Videos Yeehaw:

Missing

Wolf Baby

Spectrum

Utopia (it’s a dance practice technically but i fuckin love that song)

Game Changer has an mv i think but it’s blocked in my country (and no, i don’t have a VPN :( i don’t trust myself to download things anymore))

Blogs on Tumblr:

@hohyeon-anti (translations and other things, they’re gr8)

@bapwoo (gifs and other things, they’re also gr8 and helped me out when i went full stan)

(i can’t give u pointers on any other platform i don’t use twitter sorry; hopefully those guys can fill in my blanks tho)

discord (i snagged the one from bapwoo bc that’s the one i joined?? idk if it’s the same as the one hohyeon-anti runs and honestly i’m too afraid to check yeehaw edit: have recieved confirmation, they’re the same)

Translation Accs on Youtube (that I know of)

Rising Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

TRCNG Subs (inactive; last upload was 1 year ago)

(just as a side note there’s this great channel that does crack for them it’s adoringguk check them out too it’s not optional they’re funny)

Other better guides:

An Actual Helpful Guide to TRCNG (it’s like 40 minutes tho, the price we pay for helpful rip)

An unhelpful guide to TRCNG (shorter and from November 2017, a month after debut, but still a goody it’ll hand u the basics)

An introduction they did on Arirang/Pops in Seoul (i don’t know how to introduce this one rip)

Members (i’m using their kprofiles page to make sure i’m not spreading inaccurate facts):

again, i can’t speak for personalities beyond intuition so unfortunately most of these are gonna be p short i’m sorry take it with a grain of salt (most of my knowledge comes from the 20 or so odd subtitled vids on the channels i linked + whoever posts on instagram, but there’s only so much i can glean from short captions, and some people post there like once in a blue moon so,,, sorry)

(if people have anything to add go for it i’ll credit)

Yang Taeseon

September 2000

leader

lead vocalist

a whole beanstalk (5′ 11″ / 182 cm) {most of them are beanstalks honestly what are they feeding them}

why are most of the clips i see of him screeching from somewhere offscreen i adore him

Kim Jihun

January 2000

oldest

lead vocalist

he played the violin (so as a viola i am duty bound to duel him)

had an acting career

gets overexcited and is probably going to hurt himself (fell off his chair once rip love him)

Choi Hayoung

August 22 2000 (s o o n)

main vocalist

speaks english (he lived in LA at one point wow fancy)

s i r e n n o i s e (it’s almost as bad as the one by my house damn dude what are your lungs)

knows / is friends w nct haechan (we stan intergroup friendships) (thx bapwoo)

Lee Hakmin

September 2000

kprofile has him listed as ‘vocalist, dancer’ and i don’t know enough about roles to disagree

he’s left handed nerd

jongup fanboy no 1 (thx bapwoo)

Jo Wooyeop

September 2000

vocalist, dancer

likes coffee; nickname ‘sweet caffeine’ bc he’s sweet & likes coffee

can do a minion impression (honey i love u but you’re on THIN FUCKIN ICE)

reportedly has two dogs, the intellectual (thx bapwoo)

Kim Jisung whaaaat another kpop jisung whatever will we do

December 2000

high rapper

child actor (i’m pretty sure he met / did a show with nct’s jisung but don’t quote me on that; there’s so many jisungs it could have been any of them) (bapwoo says it’s cursed and we do not speak but idk car wash balloon jisung is still p cute)

(i had to add the pic jisung honey i’m sorry)

had braces pre-debut

a little bit camera shy in some of those old videos (dunno if it still stands)

HIS MIND WTF SOME OF THE THINGS HE’S WRITTEN (here’s an example, another example)

Kim Hyunwoo

January 2001

low rapper, dancer

him n jisung trained the longest

he’s got this lil peace sign like thing i keep seeing him doing n it’s cute

voice so deep it’s illegal excuse u

has a cat (thx bapwoo) (ARE THERE PICS OF THE BAB IDK I LOVE CATS dogs are great but they scare me rip)

Yoo Siwoo

May 2001

low rapper

SPEAKS RUSSIAN HOW COOL IS THAT

lived in Kyrgyzstan for awhile, kprofiles says 7 years but i cannot confirm (thx bapwoo)

breaking: siwoo’s hair in missing era kills hundreds, more at ten

Lee Hohyeon

October 2001 (he’s younger than me and yet oodles more talented how is this possible)

main rapper

writes lyrics for their albums w jisung (w ow)

reportedly hosted The Show w Youngjae (i’m assuming a bap member but i didn’t stan rip) (thx bapwoo)

Kim Kangmin

November 2001

main vocalist, maknae

also wore braces pre-debut

damn good at bboying (second video on this insta post he’s like a helicopter wtf where did physics go)

does short covers of various songs (his bad guy cover killed me; i can’t listen to the original anymore like i’m sorry i just can’t)\

i’d look up more shit but i already spent like 2 hours on this rip and i think that’s p good for the basics; again for older stans pls correct me or add to this if you need/want

THANK U FOR LOOKING THESE BOYS DESERVE THE WORLD

[stayvisible]

41% of transgender people have attempted suicide. 47% of trans youth have thought about suicide and 19% have attempted. In 32 states, transgender individuals can still be fired or denied employment for their identity. 26% of transgender people have lost their job because of their identity. According to USA Today, 2018 was the worst year for deadly assaults against transgender Americans than in any other year recorded.

Many are shot. Many are stabbed. Some have had their houses burned down while they were inside.

According to Haaretz, the number of trans people reported murdered each year by TMM has risen steadily, from 148 in 2008 to 358 in 2018.

The first murder this year was January 10th.

***

Here’s a secret. As someone who is white and went to Catholic school (and is a Gemini, ha!), I knew I could hold my own in conversation with the bigot (who came to campus 3 months ago, to the most trafficked place on campus) and could feign politeness. I despised every second of it; I was afraid for every second of it. With a 100% understanding that this was a fruitless effort, I just wanted so desperately to understand the lies transphobes tell themselves and the point of view that threatens the lives of millions.

After three hours, my lips were blue. My friend was tugging me away, so I went up to him and I said:

“I am leaving but I’ve got to tell you something. I am trans. If I live a devout life, following the Ten Commandments, reading the Bible, going to church every Sunday, working for charities, and living my life to the loving service of others, and I get to the Gates of Heaven, and I repent everything but my gender identity, am I going to go to hell?”

He just nonchalantly said, “You could.”

So I kept asking. I repeated the whole thing over and over. By the fifth time, I got the response I was looking for.

“If I repent everything but my gender identity, am I going to go to hell?”

“You could. I don't know - I could go to hell.”

“Exactly. You get it. Go home.”

***

A letter to the people I love, and the people I wish I had the chance to,

I learned what “transgender” and “non-binary” meant on the internet when I was thirteen. Pretty much all the resources I've ever had were compiled by some (very competent, mind you) 16-to-18-year-olds. There were no other resources than Tumblr and some WordPress blogs. The first time I participated in my own community was in the mourning of Leelah Alcorn, who ended her life on December 28, 2014. I was 14 years old.

StayVisible has been created as something tangible for trans youth to say, “Look! Here are people who have lived, survived, and thrived who are like us. Who are us.” What I didn’t realize was that I, too, needed that reassurance.

In retrospect, this project has been so very tethered to my heart is because that protest on December 10th 2018 woke me up.

I came to UBC because I thought it was the best place to be myself. I'm from a small town in Southern Alberta and just… realizing that I fought to be here and that I need to do that again broke my heart. But I saw people who were close to me and people I barely knew feeling scared and unsafe so I basically ran to the protest and was the first one there: “Okay, let's start a counter protest, let’s make those kids feel safe!”

And then people weren't showing up. “Oh, I've got class, I can't come.” These people are threatening my life, and you are my friends.

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was on our campus. The director of the largest anti-LGBT organization was on our campus. A man who became a nurse to be an anti-abortion activist in hospitals was on our campus. A man who had the most interveners in a court case in the history of this country was on our campus. A man who has been sued millions and millions of dollars for infiltrating the Toronto Pride Parade and handing out anti-LGBT propaganda was on our campus. And you had no idea.

There’s a reason it’s an “activist.” It’s an active responsibility. It’s not easy. Unlearning is also not easy. But I had to do it, this whole community had to do it. You misgender me - I’ve misgendered myself, too. But I practised. And it’s easier than you think. But you have to think about it more than just when trans people are with you.

We are asking for help. Inaction kills.

And for people who ask, who I brush off… of course, I am afraid. I am afraid and I do it anyway. There are people in my vicinity at all times who want to murder me and I don’t know who they are, and I’m making myself a target. But I will not say I am scared, and I am angry, and I am in deep, deep mourning, because don’t you dare pity me. Don’t you dare let these stories die.

—Scout Wasdell

follow this blog for interviews with significant and famous people in the trans community - the founder of TDOV, the founder of TDOR, Sense8 Cast, two-spirits, and a bunch more

[johnny-writes]

Guidelines and stuff

I have flexible rules, and by “flexible rules” I mean that I don’t really know what to put here, because I tend to trust more other’s common sense than written rules.

The main ones are no NSFW (I’m not very comfortable and, plus, smut requires quick replies, writing two weeks for a reply that’s just moving a member to another position kills the mood - NSFW is basically smut, while gore is NSFW, I don’t include on this rule, still I won’t do gore frequently), no godmodding (flexible - if you hurt (including deadly wounds) my character without my permission, depending on the circumstances I might (so it’s not 100% certainty) play along just to see what you’ll do), respect for grammar and formatting.

This blog is semi-selective, I usually follow back blogs that I RP with, but I don’t require people follow me. If you don’t answer my memes or ignore my messages, I’ll interpret that as you not being interest in interact with me and I will unfollow you. No follow/unfollow is set on stone, though.

But if you do have questions, don’t hesitate to PM me, my inbox and IM box are always open, even if you don’t follow me. Although I might look a bit forward when suggesting plots, I’m always open to take heed to what the other will say, especially in a fandom I’m not into, but still want to interact.

Usually I reblog promos even of fandoms I know nothing about. After all, reblogging is free. If I reblog your promo, and you follow me, I’ll follow you.

I’m ok with iconless RPs as well, sometimes I’m not feeling like putting icons (or when I’m on mobile), so I won’t, don’t feel pressured. As a matter of equivalence, if you choose an iconless RP, I also can make my replies iconless as well.

However, I have a single rule regarding icons, that needs to be put separatedly: I’m not comfortable with live-action icons. For example, I can RP fine with  a Tony Stark that uses icons from the cartoon or the anime (yes, there was an Ironman anime), but I’m not really comfortable with live-action icons, as much as I like Robert Downey Jr.’s acting. I can explain why I don’t feel comfortable privately, but If you want to RP with me with muses from live-action series, I’d like to request to not use live-action icons.

Mun =/= muse (but not that much, I must admit). I know my OCs are based on me and my experiences (for example, I’m an economics student, so I made Marcos an economics student because I think it could make him an interesting OC), but one reason why I’m into RPing is to develop them to become clearly their own characters, so that they become less and less my self-inserts and more like their own.

Continuing from the previous rule, if my muses do something obnoxious or idiotic, call them out on it. They’re characters with flaws, sometimes they need a good slap in the face. Do not assume that I’ll defend them, I’m the writer behind them and I want them to fail, to make mistakes, but if you do think I went too far, you’re free to call me out.

Shipping can happen, but why would happen? (In other words, it all depends on the development and chemistry). Although I enjoy writing romance, it all depends on how it’ll go. If you don’t want write romance, do not hesitate in telling me. Platonic relationships are underrated and, obviously, not all RPs have to end with the muses as friends, if you want our muses to become rivals or even mortal enemies, I’m all up for it. More details here.

In addition to that, this blog is multishipping. I mean, it took me a while to put it here, but I thought it was self-evident. Still, each thread is usually its own separated verse (unless stated otherwise), so each can have its own shipping. Only Padparadscha and Rutile are exempt of this rule.

I’m too old for drama. I will unfollow you if you start throwing excessive drama.

Above all, RP is to have fun. Just tell me what you want to do and let’s do it! My OCs used to have verses, but I changed that, each thread is a verse, unless specified.

I send memes whenever they appear in my dash. I don’t care if I receive a few or none back (even if I would like), it’s costless and I end up giving more than I receive so that I don’t really mind not being paid back.

Since this is a multimuse blog, it’s okay to blacklist some tags, of muses or threads you’re not interested. Most everything here is tagged, so it shouldn’t be complicated.

I don’t do magical anons (M!As), my blog doesn’t receive enough attention to make them worthwhile.

Follow backs and softblocking: this one got so big it needs its own page; in summary, I’m not mutuals only and I can RP with people who I don’t follow and don’t follow me, but if you’re going to unfollow me, please softblock me.

Also I unfollow blogs who are inactive for a few months. This is something that can be reversed under request (like you returning from your hiatus).

Asks without context or that I’m unable to understand will be deleted on sight.

I will unfollow people who post too much politics. I deal with politics every day outside tumblr and I don’t want to deal with it here.

If we’re mutuals in one blog, we’re mutuals in all blogs. So, even if you make a blog and I didn’t follow you (yet), due to lack of familiarity or ideas to interact with, you can still send memes and even starters that chances are likely that, if it’s not a RP/personal hybrid, I’ll follow you.

I don’t RP with furry muses. I mean, I can RP with animal and animal-themed muses (like from Sonic), but I won’t RP with muses of the furry fandom. I also don’t RP with kin blogs.

Even though it’s a big list, it should be reminded that all (with exception of one or two) are basic common sense rules, so there shouldn’t be a problem.

[studiousbees]

Who is StudiousBees??

Hello, everyone! It’s been about… one and a half? years since I started this blog, and I’m really appreciative of all the support that I’ve gotten here :) I don’t have a language-related content post for you all today, but I have been wanting to write a post just sort of letting you guys know a bit more about myself and why I’m writing this blog!

Who is StudiousBees?

I guess I’ll start with some basic bio stuff. I’m from the US, went to Canada for university, and moved to Korea almost immediately after graduating (and I’ve been here ever since then, a bit over four years ago!). I’ve loved languages ever since I was younger, and that has been a driving force in my life. I also had dreams of becoming an author or an illustrator when I was younger, but I soon realized that I only liked writing and drawing purely as a hobby and that thinking about doing either beyond hobby level just killed my motivation for them.

In university I studied East Asian studies as my major and Korean and linguistics as my minors. I’m currently an EFL (English as a foreign language) teacher, and I’m working on my M.Ed TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). If I could get into translation at some point, I wouldn’t be mad about that either :)

How many languages do you speak/have you learned (and for how long)?

I’ll just do some list action! The bolded languages are the ones I still actively use/learn:

1. English (~25 years)— native speaker :B

2. French (~7 years active, 7 years inactive)— literate. French used to be my passion. When I was a kid there was a French after school club at my elementary school and my mom signed me up for it because I asked. I don’t remember learning much at all there, but I knew I wanted to actually learn French when I got to middle school (there was that and the fact that my older sister was taking French, so I figured I could just get help from her if it was hard… in the end, I was a lot better at it than she was :B). I studied French for seven years in middle and high school and was going to major in French translation at university, but I actually ended up changing my major on the very first day of classes. Oops! I can’t really speak it anymore outside of really basic stuff, but I can still read it. I think that if I were to expose myself to more and more French and actually try to use it again, it would come back to me.

3. Korean (~7years)— fluent; been learning for a bit over seven years now. I’ve never taken the TOPIK exam, so don’t ask what I scored on it >.> Lately I mostly just maintain my Korean through talking with people, reading books, and watching Youtube videos and the news. The death of my French is Korean's fault :B

4. Spanish (1 year)— skills non-existent (except a bit of reading). I shouldn’t even count this; I just had six credits to burn my last year of uni and decided to take Spanish. I didn’t really like the class, but I didn’t find it too hard since it was very similar to French. Not too interested in getting back into this one.

5. Mandarin (~2 years)— basically conversational? Semi-conversational? I’m not sure how I’d call this one >.> I can have conversations fairly easy with people online and I can read simple books, but at the same time, my speaking and listening need some work. The on-off nature of my study of Mandarin has made it hard for me to pinpoint exactly how long I’ve been studying it, but I’ve decided to put the official start of my studies at October 2015 since that’s when I bought my first Mandarin textbook from Taiwan and really started going hard.

6. Japanese (~1.5mo)—VERY basic. I remember when I was younger, maybe middle school age, I wanted to try learning Japanese. I bought a book on it, but all the introductory stuff at the start of the book, talking about weird and crazy things like particles had me so confused that I wasn’t able to get very far. If you’ve been following this blog since (near) the beginning you’ll know that I was studying Japanese then, a year and a half ago. However, I quickly dropped it because I couldn’t handle studying both beginner Japanese and beginner Mandarin at the same time. So, I left it alone for a few months, and I only recently got back into it. I was surprised to find that, other than fairly decent recognition of Hiragana and Katakana, I had pretty entirely forgotten anything, so I don’t feel cheaty saying that my real Japanese study started only a short while back. I feel like I’m progressing fairly quickly though, especially since I’m making sure to study it every day and use it on language exchange sites, even if I’m just having the same conversation about the weather a thousand times.

Why did you make this blog?

I started this blog primarily because I wanted to encourage myself to study more. At the time I started it, there were a lot of people I follow on my main account that were doing 100-day challenges and things like that, and I was made very aware of how much I had slacked off. I thought that if I entered into such a challenge and documented my study in a public way, I would feel more drive to study. I never did stick with the whole 100-day challenge concept, but I did stick with studying every day!

My grammar posts started from my wanting to mentally consolidate and keep track of grammar I had studied. One of the best ways to make sure you know something is to try to teach it to someone else, so that’s what I did. Those posts were very well received, and I really liked writing that sort of stuff (and still do!) so it took off. Then I added in book reviews, Hanja posts, and app reviews as more people starting following me and asking me questions and all. I was so surprised that people were actually looking up to me ㅠㅠ

Any questions??

If there’s anything else you guys wanna know about me, feel free to ask and I’ll answer them in maybe a follow-up post or something! As always, thank you for your support, and happy studying

[destruction-personified-blog]

*HIATUS* (+ an explanation for my absence)

Hey guys. How’ve y’all been?

...I know, recently I haven’t been very active on any of my blogs, except for a few art reblogs here and there. I felt it was unfair to leave my followers in the dark as to where I have been, so here I am with an explanation (which may double as a vent.) You can unfollow if you want, I don’t care anymore, I need to say this.

(sensitive subjects below)

Recently - as in, for the past few months - I have felt like absolute shit, both emotionally and physically, for no apparent reason. So much so that I have felt too tired to roleplay on Tumblr, and stuck to Discord for any interactions, which is why my blogs have been inactive with no explanation. My shitty emotions have been affecting my muse and the way I roleplay, so for the most part, I’ve been trying to avoid it, because so far I’ve ruined several of my muses most close and long-running relationships by trying to roleplay in my current emotional state.

Only a few days ago did I hit a critical low.

I was home alone, nothing to do, sinking into a deep state of emotional numbness, when I began thinking things I usually don’t think. The thoughts scared me.

“Life has lost meaning.” “You find no joy in anything anymore.” “Not existing would be so much nicer.”

“You’d be better off dead.”

I broke down. I’ve never felt suicidal before, in my life, I’m not diagnosed with any mental illnesses, and I don’t really want to kill myself, but I do want to stop existing. I’m just too much of a coward to do it myself. And I know there are people - family, friends, schoolmates - who would be destroyed if I just up and left.  My clinically depressed mother depends on me, my friends (though few in number) presumably care about me a lot, or so they say, and I’ve experienced the sadness an entire school, an entire community, can feel from the death of a peer. It crushes people. It makes a bustling school into a ghost town of sadness and quiet mourning. No matter how “unpopular” the student was, the entire school feels their death. So, no matter how unhappy I get, I don’t think I could ever go through with ending my life. For the sake of everyone who cares about me.

Still, the thoughts were there, and I was terrified for myself. So, I did what school had always taught me to do in this situation. I called a suicide hotline for young people. The lady I spoke to was very nice, I explained to her what I was feeling, and she told me to go to a room with another person in it, and call my mother. I thanked her, hung up, went into the living room with my brother, before calling my mum. When I told her what happened, she immediately came home from work and broke down in front of me. She spent the whole night with me, making sure I was okay, we both cried and I finally told her what I’ve been feeling the past few months.

Then, she made me an appointment to see my doctor. She said a psychiatrist would maybe help me feel better, but to get a session, I needed a referral from my doctor, so two days later we went to the clinic and I explained to my doctor what I had been feeling. Luckily, he was very understanding, and gave me a referral.

Three days passed and we got a call from a mental health facility a few towns away who were willing to let a nurse see me for a session. So, the day after, we travelled there and I finally saw a psychiatrist.

Over an hour and a half, I unloaded everything to her. I poured out all of my stress and fears and struggles, told her I have few real-life friends due to where I live and the only real friends I can have are people I meet online, told her I’m lonely, that I always worry about how people think of me, that I crave affection and physical interaction but I get overwhelmed easily and isolate myself, that I barely find joy in anything anymore, that school has lost all enjoyability and I dread going every single day, that I’m overemotional, then finally told her about the suicidal thoughts I’d been having, and in a nutshell, her feedback was this;

“You tend to worry too much about other peoples feelings when you interact with them. Your empathy gets in the way of taking care of yourself, and so you end up isolating yourself from people to avoid interaction. When you offend someone by saying the wrong thing, you blame yourself and call yourself a bad person, when you’re not, you just said something you thought was innocent and ended up hurting somebody without intending to. You put too much pressure on yourself to be a good person, and so you let yourself be walked over, which brings you down and causes self-loathing. So you turn to online interactions to avoid the face-to-face consequences of messing up what you say, which has been affecting your sleep pattern and appetite, which has also caused your physical and mental health to decline even faster. You barely exercise from your constant exhaustion, and this too has caused a decline in physical and mental health. My suggestion is, you find a way to put less pressure on yourself. Take care of your own emotions, find different coping mechanisms, talk to people face-to-face, and try to get more sleep and physical exercise.”

I think the psychiatrist really helped me calm my nerves and open my eyes to what I need to work on. I have another session in two weeks, which I am looking forwards to, and I may even update you guys on how it goes.

So, from what the nurse told me, I made the decision to take a long break from roleplaying. I realised that the negative interactions Guzma keeps having due to his own decline in mental health is badly affecting me too.  (Hell, recently his boyfriend, the love of his life, decided to take a long break from him due to the mistakes he’s made, and every day since has been a struggle to keep his overwhelming negative emotions from seeping into my thoughts and dragging me down. I know IC =/= OOC, but my muse is a big part of me, and his emotions are greatly affecting me, which I know is not healthy.) So for now, I’m putting him to rest, and letting us both take a break from stressful interactions. 

Yes, I have depression. It’s not officially diagnosed, but I know, because my current emotional state is not normal, or healthy, and my mother before me, and her father, and his father all had the same experience as me, at roughly the same age. In fact I recently found out that when my mum was my age, she swallowed a bottle of pills, and only survived because my uncle found her and called an ambulance. She would have died. I never would have existed. It’s terrifying. And she blames herself that I’m feeling this way. I assure you it’s not her fault; it’s mine. 

TL;DR:: Basically, my emotions and the emotions of my muse have made roleplay completely unenjoyable recently, and I need a break. I’m so sorry to anybody who was planning on interacting with me, or anyone who even enjoys reading my roleplays, I feel like I’ve failed you. 

To all 500+ of you: thank you so so much for following, and I’m so sorry for not taking care of my blogs. I need to take care of myself right now.

To anyone my emotions may have hurt, I’m sorry. All of you please take care. I’ll be back soon. Promise.

[nolongerbeneaththemoonlight-a]

Osamu Dazai

If you haven’t already, meet Osamu Dazai, past Demon of the Port Mafia and current agent of the Armed Detective Agency. Let’s explain him a bit, shall we? I’ll be using a lot of help from the BSD wiki, just so you know~

Basics:

Osamu is a suicidal maniac, but we all love him. Because of this, suicide will be a large part of this blog. 

He has an ability called “No Longer Human”, where he can nullify the abilities of others with a simple touch. This ability is always active, and he can’t turn it off. All he needs is skin contact to completely turn off someone’s ability, and after he pulls his touch away, their power is inactive for another 2-7 seconds.

Appearance:

As the BSD wiki states, Dazai is a handsome male with mildly wavy, short dark brown hair and narrow dark brown eyes. His bangs frame his face, while some are gathered at the center of his forehead and fall just above his eyes, sometimes hanging over his orbs. He is quite tall, standing at 5′11″ (181 cm) and slim in physique. For his attire, Dazai wears a long sand-colored trench coat, the belt of which he leaves untied. Under it is a black vest over a striped dress shirt that is light blue in hue. He wears a bolo tie, which is held by a brown ribbon and a turquoise pendant. He also dons beige pants, dark brown shoes, and has bandages wrapped around his entire body; only his face, hands, and feet are left uncovered. The reasons for the bandages are yet to be discovered canonically, but I have my own theories which will be stated below.

Back when he was in the mafia (or in his Dark Era Verse), Dazai wore a dark trench coat that reached under his knees. He also wore bandages over his right eye and his right arm is in a sling. At some point, he was able to regain the use of his right arm, as evident when he was 18 in the anime. 

Personality:

Dazai’s true personality is hidden from view, only those very close to him knowing the real him. He hides behind a funny and cheerful mask at the ADA, but on the inside he is lonely and in constant mental and emotional pain.

Osamu is a very mysterious and intelligent man, and he never tells anyone his plans until he deems it necessary. He is secretive and manipulative when working, willing to kill and injure others in order to get his way. However, he still cares strongly for his teammates. His plans are all very clever and well thought out, his intellect matching even the most dangerous of the ADA’s enemies, but he acts as if these plans of his were nothing much.

When he isn’t being serious with a case, he seems very lazy and goofy. He does whatever he wants, opting to walk around town or find new ways of suicide instead of doing his actual work.

He is a suicide maniac, as stated before, and often tries to commit suicide in comical manners. However, while his suicidal tendencies are initially comedic, they reveal a truly dark deep hole that Dazai has and believes he cannot fill. 

Back in the mafia, he was much colder and darker than he is now. Thanks to joining the ADA, he is now humorous and playful, as well as having developed a soft side.

In the past, while he was still suicidal, it was shown to be far less comedic. He really tried to die many times, but somehow, he could never actually succeed. He believed he could fill this hole and find a reason worth living for if he lived a life of bloodshed and war, but Oda convinced him to join the good side. In addition, he was extremely brutal and methodical, setting up traps to catch captives alive to torture the of information and often beat Akutagawa for disobeying orders and in order to push him to the limits to improve his abilities. He was extremely confident and was a terrific planner, coming up with long run strategies to subdue his enemies. 

Past:

Here’s where things get different and mostly headcanon based...

Dazai was an orphan like Atsushi, and was beaten and ridiculed like the weretiger as well, but less harshly since Dazai’s ability was hardly as costing as Atsushi’s. However, his torso is still littered with scars from his childhood, which is why he wears bandages on his torso as well as everywhere else. At the age of 13, Osamu ran from the orphanage. He survived for a few months on the food he scavenged from the orphanage and the scraps he managed to find on the streets. 

After a year of living on the run, Osamu grew tired of living like this and saw no point of living anyway. Humanity disgusted him, the world was cold and uncaring. And as a child with nothing but a hatred for the life he was living, he saw no problem with ending it all.

So, he fell from the top of a ten story building. However, he landed on a bush that was acting as landscaping for the building, which cushioned his fall but scraped up his body. He tumbled from the bush onto the ground, breaking his arm in the process and leaving him bleeding and tortured by his own pain.

Osamu was found by Ōgai Mori, a doctor at the time, who took him in as his protege. When Mori killed the boss later that night and became the boss of the Port Mafia himself, Dazai was there as his only witness.

Osamu quickly became the youngest executive of the Port Mafia, becoming an executive at merely 16 years old and being a living legend within the underworld of Yokohama. He was partners with Chuuya and became the “Criminal Underworld’s Worst Enemy”, and earned the title of Twin Dark.

Dazai fit in perfectly with the evil Port Mafia, and was ruthless in his methods. So how did he become a good guy? His closest friend, Oda, requested on his death bed for Dazai to join the good guys and become someone who saves people. And so, he did as Oda wished and left the Port Mafia. He was 18 years old.

For two years Dazai went into hiding to cleanse his records before he joined the ADA, which was suggested to him by Taneda Santouka. His friend Ango helped him in this endeavor, and he soon joined the ADA. It is said that during those two years, Dazai was a drunk who spent most of his time in his favorite bar. 

Dazai’s entrance exam was the Serial Disappearance of Yokohama’s Visitors Case, which he completed with his now coworker, Doppo Kunikida.

Misc:

He is a major goofball and loves to mess with people. This includes Chuuya, any of his coworkers (especially Kunikida), and in some cases, his enemies.

He is a huge flirt and will flirt with anyone, even a trashcan (probably). He is a huge bi disaster, but he rarely ever feels anything when he flirts. However, if he knows someone and actually does have feelings for them, it’s hard to tell if he actually cares or is just playing them. Even he doesn’t know for sure.

Verses:

~ı ċåṅ‘ṭ Ŀıṿє å ṅọŗṃåĿ Ŀıғє; ı ẇåṡ ŗåıṡєԀ ɞʏ ṭһє ṡṭŗєєṭṡ~ [Beast AU] — To be honest? I know VERY little about this AU. It’s the light novel, right? I’ll read it and update this later lol.

~ı‘ṃ jȗṡṭ Ŀıҡє ʏọȗ!!; ʏọȗ‘ŗє jȗṡṭ Ŀıҡє ṃє!!~ [Twin Verse] — This verse is specifically for other Dazai rpers who, like me, LOVE twin AUs?? Osamu and Osaka (my Dazai) were the Demon Twins of the Port Mafia before they left. Never separated, always humorous, these twins love causing havoc and joking around with each other. They may no longer be demons of the Port Mafia, but now they are tricky little imps in their own way. Chuuya and Kunikida, beware~ When it comes to a twin verse, my “twin” will have the same backstory as yours unless stated otherwise. This is to prevent confusion with differing headcanons and backgrounds. 

~ẇє‘ṿє ɞєєṅ ṡƿєṅԀıṅɢ ṃọṡṭ ọȗŗ Ŀıṿєṡ Ŀıṿıṅɢ ıṅ ṭһє ɢåṅɢṭṡå‘ṡ ƿåŗåԀıṡє~ [Dark Era] — This takes place in the time between Dazai being 14/15 to 18. He’s an executive of the Port Mafia, partners with Chuuya, and training Akutagawa. Not much else to say here.

~ı ẇåṡ ṅєṿєŗ ŗıɢһṭ ғọŗ ṭһє һєŗọ ṭʏƿє ọғ ŗọĿє; ı åԀṃıṭ ıṭ~ [MHA Verse (Osamu)] — In this verse, Osamu is a teacher at UA. He wasn’t always a teacher, as he used to be a leading part in the infamous villain group/mafia, the Port Mafia in Yokohama. However, he left the Port Mafia because a dear friend wished him to, and made his way to the leading hero school in all of Japan, UA, to become a teacher. Of course, no one but him knows of his past... He is now the teacher of 3-A in the hero course. (Read more here!)

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

[mychemicalginger]

Thanks @weirdnproudofit​ for the tag! I love these things!

Nickname: Ray (or Rae depending on preference) Mama Ray (which I got from Uni because I’m about eight years older than the rest of my course)

Zodiac: Leo!

Height: 5′2? 5′3? I dunno for sure, I haven’t checked in a while.

Last movie I saw:  I randomly was really in the mood to watch a Knights Tale the other night. (Seems appropriate, it’s based of the Canterbury tales apparently and that’s where I live now so)

Last thing I googled:  ‘Garages near me’ really boring, my car’s due for it’s MOT and because I haven’t lived here that long I don’t know where they are! I wish I could say it was one of my random writing searches but sadly not.

Favourite musician: My favourite band of all time is probably My Chemical Romance (hence the URL) I mean I have other favourites too (Queen, Fleetwood Mac, Twin Atlantic) but MCR started it all off. For solo act... Probably David Bowie. 

Song stuck in my head:  It’s actually an original song written by a friend on my course! She’s writing a musical and so she keeps playing me the new songs she’s made for it (largely because I keep asking) and they’re so good!

Other blogs: I have them technically buuuuut I haven’t used them in yeeeeears, I might make one for the comic I’m writing when it’s more developed, but I do have an instagram and a deviant art for my comic! (if anyone’s interested the username of both is Aphervia - the name of the comic, it’s heavily inspired by Dragon Age! Please read it when I make it guys)

Do I get asks: Only when I reblog prompts and stuff, and more so about my Dragon Age headcanons then personal stuff which is fair enough, I like going on about my Dragon Age headcanons (like enough so that it was in part what inspired the comic)

Following: 333 - Oooh very neat number. I think a lot of them are probably inactive now because I swear I only see like the same 20 people (which is fine because I like those same 20 people!)

Amount of sleep:  Depends on the day... I vary a lot, (thanks mental illness for that) I tend to struggle to fall asleep then when I do I sleep for like 10 hours or something ridiculous

Lucky number: Uuuuuuh.... 24?

What I’m wearing: Harry Potter pajamas. I’m tired, I’ve been studying and working all day and my back hurts so I got in pajamas and lied down.

Dream job: Ooooh there’s a question. See I don’t really have one dream job, I get bored of things and want to focus on something else if I do just one thing for too long, which is part of why I chose my degree in music, I can teach singing, produce, songwrite, preform etc. But my dream job would be Singer, songwriter, comic book artists and author. So Basically being Gerard Way.

Dream trip: Okay this requires revealing some sad back story info to get the picture - so I went to Disneyland with a friend who treated me pretty terribly the whole trip, like my mental health was playing up already so they yelled at me for being depressing and ruining the trip, then after I explained what happened, yelled at me for not saying anything sooner until I had a full on hyperventilating panic attack. I don’t talk to them anymore but even they admitted afterwards they had gone way too far on the trip so my dream trip now is going back to Disneyland but with friends who I have healthy relationships with.

Play any instruments: I mostly sing (I don’t care what idiots say, I took lessons and had to learn technique and music theory to do it, IT COUNTS!) but I do play a little bit of guitar and piano too. I’m not very good at them though, mainly I just sing.

Languages: Basically just English. I can do some french, like if I’m reading french I’ll recognize a couple of words and I can usually just about figure out what they’re talking about but that’s about it.

Favourite songs: Oh my gosh this changes sooo much. Okay right now it’s Dasher by Gerard Way, Hammer to Fall by Queen, Laika by Kill Hannah, Space Dementia by Muse, All through the night by Cyndi Lauper and Ex El by Twin Atlantic. Of ALL TIME EVER it’s probably The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, Life of Mars? by David Bowie, Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill, Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis, How Soon is Now by The Smiths and You Know You’re Right by Nirvana - I’m probably going to post this and go ‘Oh damnit I should have added these fifty songs...) but oh well

Random fact: Ooh... What random fact do I use? Oh! I met Frank Iero one time! In Coventry of all places, my friend went to uni there a few years ago and I went to visit and Mallory Knoxs were playing a gig there with Frank Iero supporting, I was really hoping I’d get to meet him so we hung out inside the venue for like ten minutes because sometimes they come out to sign things but no luck. We decided to look at the merch booth before leaving, went to approach it when a security guard said ‘guys if you want autographs can you join the que?’ and I was like ‘what? with who?’ looked over his shoulder and Frank was right behind him meeting people and I just screamed internally throughout queing, meeting him and the next month... And whenever I think about it.

I have nooooo idea who to tag and my brain doesn’t work so good right now, too tired so if you’re reading this, you’re tagged!

[angel-nero]

I wanna know you better!

Tagged by @glaspaladin !!!!!! *hearts i cant add* I’m tagging: @koganess @captainkaltar @lukaspatel @knight-enchxnter @saltedleggy @lipsticklounge @sumi-masen @soomin009 @a-juuzou-a-day @madithetitanslayer @blue-stripe

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you. 

THEIR QUESTIONS:

1. What’s the one thing you can obsess over without ever getting tired of it? Wow, I get bored of everything, like, I can still love it with all my heart but it will be like meh in a few years even if i still love it. OH BUT THEN THERE'S ART FUK THAT'S THE REAL ANSWER 

 2. Do you believe in aliens? What about ghosts? Bigfoot? I'm pretty sure aliens and ghosts are real. Big foot and all that? Not even a bit lol 

 3. Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Woah, pretty sure I'm a pessimist tho some ppl like to fight and call em/it being realistic?????? 

 4. What’s your biggest regret? God, nothing that has lasted enough for me to remember 

 5. Do you dye your hair? If not, what colour would you go? No, I don't. I just graduated high school and schools here won't permit even a basic color, like, wtf. I wish tho. If I could I would dye it silver even if it doesn't fits me idc. And too many other colors actually. Oh yes, like pastel pink idc, blue and purple i don't give a daaaaammmn, i just need someone to do it for me, knowledge to not fuck up and m0ney ca$h flow. 

 6. Are you a clean or messy person? I like clean stuff, everything has to be clean but I'm very messy and lazy. Shit. 

 7. Do you like where you currently live? Yes! It's a pretty city and it has a beach, but it sucks. It's very damn hot when it's not winter, too many assholes, the government fucking sucks lol, like, wow mexican pals will know where I live if I say our governor is a fugitive LMAO. He did very shitty things, has the worst voice ever and I fucking hate him. It's also very boring in here and wow, there's a carnival in a few days and I hate February cus carnival means BIG MESS, KILL YOURSELF, it endures a whole month the mess, or two. 

 8. If you could change one thing about one of your fandoms, what would it be? FUK BEX WHAT A WAY TO MAKE ME PISSED LOL. Okay, the damn antis. i hate when I follow a blog and then i see their stupid opinions and its like wow unfollow. And the people that actually bother other ppl about what they like, it's like, wow, don't you have a life..? Do you need water? Like, dude, why do you ever give a fuk. Unfollow, block, do ya thing. Also the very lowkey antis, like, wow they don't send hate and sh1t but be like making comments over why certain ship is not CaN0n and b laughing about it like, B1tch!!!!!!! My she1th is cAnOn fuk 0ff. Everything is (or can be) canon, alright???? Wow, this became not vague as i wanted it, wow. I also hate when they're like, making a very stupid comment that's worth shit for a story and b like "@staff make dis can0n" wow there's so many shit that I hate and it took to follow one artist on tw to find out. And when ppl reblog art to be meant for a ship and they change it to sh1t like: "the br0ganes" HAHA SORRY, YO, IM FULL OF SALT. Everything was ok when I wasn't following more than 100 ppl but everyone is inactive and I wanted friends and wow i love you all new @mutuals. Also, when they b like yo, if my pairing ain't canon I quit or shit in other pairs. Like wow i don't expect anything to be canon, but also you're free to do anything you want so quit if you desire it, idc :) about snk? Ppl adding TOO MANY LIKE TOOOO MANYYYY freckles to marco. i know how EVERYONE b like "yo i come from the snk fandom i know about discourse" but that didn't happen to me pal. I realized I just listed what I hate instead of something productive fuk im full of rage don't look at me. 

 9. Do you have any nicknames? Gab. Feel free to add nicknames :-) cus I'm bad at it, like i didn't even called myself gab lol. Oh, and Bowie cus I love bowie a lot and plebs at school would be like "chica bowie" cus they don't even know who david bowie is, it's cute tho. They recently added ‘’Bow’’ wow FUCK GIVE ME EM NICKNAMES 

 10. How good is your poker face? Pretty good :-| 

 11. Have you ever seen something that you couldn't explain? Mmm, fuk im not even good explaining basic shit lol. I curse a lot? I'm sorry

My questions: 1.- do you normally care about washing the part where you drink from of your cans/ box of milk and stuff like that? God, my English is so bad. 2.- how long have you lasted without taking a shower?:^) (god, im so gross) 3.- tell us your paranormal stuff that has happened to you, like, the weirdest one. 4.-Any ship that makes you guilty? 5.-Do you like art? 6.-Do you do art? 7.- What kind of music you listen to? 8.-Ever went to a concert? tell us about it! 9.- What’s yout motto about life? 10.-Favorite fictional character ever? can do a list if needed 11.-What is a chill day for you?

[karenpat]

Drawing from life

I may have mentioned in my last blog post that I'm attending monthly life drawing sessions to brush up on old skills and go back to basics for a couple of hours. First session of 2018 was arranged yesterday evening and for some reason I felt, at first, reluctant to go - I had an early appointment the same morning, I felt sluggish and drained of energy. I was (and still am, to a degree) battling a creative dry spell which makes me question what and why I'm doing every day. A part of me would have liked to curl up on the couch and watch TV - but I gulped down a post-dinner espresso, grabbed my drawing pad and pencils and went.

And after those two hours I knew not only that it had been the right thing to not succumb to mental fatigue and sluggish inactivity, but also how much these session affect me on different levels. I'll explain:

1. Re-introducing play

I'll be the first to admit I'm terrible at drawing exercises involving being playful and "not thinking". My self sensorship hat is pulled tightly down over my head, blocking my eyes - sometimes I can't make a mark on the page without knowing it will look "right", or that it will be up to the standard of, say, other participants in the exercise. But I suppose that when the task is as specific as "draw the body you see in front of you", it gives me something to hold on to that I can then build on - a preset framework that I can allow myself to fail in, to be hesitant, to make a mess of the page, to start again. Unlike other times when I experiment with drawing on my own and the demons appear the minute the pencil line diverges from the plan of my mind's eye, I can draw torsos that are too long, legs that are too short, arms cut off at the elbow because I couldn't make them fit into the page. And somehow it doesn't matter, because there are only a couple of minutes at your disposal, or even a few seconds, and within those set rules I'm allowed to translate a female body into an abstract blob of lines on the page.

2. "Mindless mindfulness"

10-15 people in a room around one model. Silence but for the sharpening of pencils, the turning of pages. Absolute consentration. I find that for those 20 minutes at a time (sessions are divided into cycles of 20 minute drawing/10 minute break) I'm intensely present in a way I rarely am in other contexts. However, I don't think it's really like mindfulness because you're more focused on the drawing itself than on the fact of being focused and aware of the present as such. It's not about focusing on breathing or anything like that either or shutting out everything else around you - or that thing where you're supposed to let all your thoughts flow freely without taking notice or judging them. I find it's a different kind of mindfulness, a profound and intense consentration on a task which involves both the eyes and the body - for me it's a concscious experience of being present in the moment while doing something actively, specific and meaningful. At the same time though, this way of working becomes a flow-like state where I do shut out other things both around me and in my mind, which makes it a form of meditative state after all. Drawing in this way seems to be about both and neither states at the same time - I call it "mindless mindfulness" for want of a better term.

3. The bigger picture vs minor details

I seem to always have had difficulty in considering both details and the bigger picture when making a composition. Beginning the outline is always difficult, never knowing where to start, the feeling like the first mark on the page is irrevocable and has to be "perfect". And then, getting down to the details - feeling like I should stop before I'm finished, reconsidering, adding a detail, being happy with it but realizing it doesn't add up with the rest. It's like an endless conversation between the act of drawing and the desired result, a conversation which keeps on changing at both ends. Life drawing provides a great setting to work on these skills, especially those 10 minute sessions where there's time to go back, reconsider, add and remove. I'm allowed to "kill my darlings", start again, work over the same drawing with softer and softer pencils until it's almost just a black silhouette. And, perhaps related to the previous point, there's nothing like life drawing to make you really SEE - the relationships between shapes, distances and lines and volume in space, and with seeing, understanding is also likely to follow (even though it often seems a complicated connection).

4. Body image

Another thing that came to mind after a while is that when media and perhaps social media even more, bombard us with images of "perfect" bodies, it's hard to talk your mind out of the fact that skinny, toned and/or enhanced bodies are the most desireable. However, studying a more realistic example of a body in that way really makes you appreciate the beauty of body as such - isn't a body supposed to be strong? To show traces of a lived life, mark an identity, be what we ourselves want it to be and not everyone around us? In such a discussion, (although it's too vast to go into here) celulites and cup sizes have absolutely no importance.

5. Community

Talking, having coffee and discussing art is also an element in these sessions. But just being joined in the same activity - which I have discussed the personal importance of in these paragraphs - is also a form of community which adds to the reasons why I keep coming back every month.

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Tag posts!

I am skipping the 11 questions ones that I got tagged in because I was much busier this past week than I thought, and away this past weekend. But:

tagged by @neon-lake and @foobar-the-great, thanks guys! Answers are kind of mashed up together.

Nickname: Em, MK (my IRL initials)

Star Sign: Aquarius

Height: 5'5″ or 165 cm

Time right now: 9:10 am

Last thing Googled: ���iodine isotopes” because I got a nuclear medicine question from a family member (I just got my degree in applied physics, dealing with radiation in medicine) and I wanted to make sure I had the right information.

Favorite Music Artists: I always come back to Talking Heads, Dessa, Spoon, and the Decemberists but recently I’ve been listening to much more classic rock, modern pop, and also somehow the Pandora station I use when I go to the gym basically just plays 90s hip-hop and Daft Punk.

Song Stuck in Your Head: On that note I’ve had Brain Damage from Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd stuck in my head.

Last Movie Watched: Rogue One. It’s awesome.

Last TV show Watched: Fresh off the Boat

What Are You Wearing Right Now: sweatpants and a t-shirt from a brewery (I work evenings so I’m in pajamas still)

When did You Create Your Blog: This one? Fall of 2015. I’d been on Tumblr on my main since sometime in 2014.

What Kind of Stuff Do You Post: here, mostly MBTI with occasional physics, general life, or self-help digressions.

Do You Have Any Other Blogs: Yes. I’m currently the mod of acknowledge-that-mbti-fact which I created because I was annoyed with kill-that-mbti-stereotype but has actually been really fun, I have my main which is my general ‘stuff that I like but lots of nerd fandom and politics in particular’ blog, and I have a blog that in practice is mostly aesthetic stuff but I created because I use the like button a lot and wanted more of a repository to find posts that I didn’t necessarily want to reblog to my main but enjoyed.

Do you get asks regularly: They seem to come in waves, so I just had several in a row but I’ll go weeks or months without them. Ask me stuff! I like it!

Why did you choose your url: at the time there weren’t many ISTJ blogs in the mbti community that I could find, and I wanted to play on the whole ISTJ stereotype (slash, mostly true thing) that we take on duties no one else will.

Gender: female

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw. I have been called a Slytherin by several friends (who also consider themselves Slytherins); I’m definitely not a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.

Pokemon Team: I don’t play Pokemon Go or know more than basic pop culture stuff about Pokemon, but I took the Buzzfeed quiz and got Mystic.

Favorite Color: blue-green

Average Hours of Sleep: usually about 7-8, generally at least 6 or I am very cranky.

Lucky Number: 5

Favorite Character(s): well my icon is Siobhan from Orphan Black and my main icon is Black Widow from Marvel and most of my faves are in that vein.

How Many Blankets Do You Sleep With: One, but it’s a massive comforter from an upper-midwest company that is not messing around.

Dream Job: I’m applying for medical physics residencies, wish me luck!

Followers: 1326 according to tumblr, who knows how many robots that involves :)

Favourite Animal: Cats. Baby bunny pictures are also always welcome

Cat or Dog Person: See above. I like dogs too and am way less allergic to them but somehow I am still a cat person.

Dream Trip: Either Japan or New Zealand.

When Did Your Account Peak: I feel like last summer was really good - my follower count has stayed steady with a slight increase but I think I had the best material then.

What Made You Decide to Make A Tumblr: I started because I liked some comics that updated on tumblr (one promptly went inactive, I lost interest in the other...also tumblr is not a great venue for comics, at least not if you follow the blog, since it’s so easy to miss something.

Fictional character you’d like as a sibling: I have 3 real-life siblings, I feel that is enough :)

How many blogs do I follow: about 320

Aesthetics: darker colors with lighter neutrals, some minimalism but also creative clutter, mountains and trees, books. Basically I like aesthetics but my range is broad.

Tagging: @kendrixtermina, @lophiusdragon, @never-adrift, @permafrost-guardian

[leoxrobertson]

I Don’t Know 1: Hamlet

I posted a set of five blog pieces on the theme of “I Don’t Know” a while back, and as I recall they seemed to outline my favourite type of fiction, which is explained in detail below. Well, I have a larger audience now and thought new folk might appreciate these if they hadn’t yet seen them :) And thanks to those who read them first time around! Hope they were useful :)

I want to discuss the power of not knowing. Not like Barthelme’s Not Knowing, about the power of writing fiction without knowing where you’re going, but the power of delivering the message of uncertainty. This is something that only storytelling of the highest quality can deliver.

You can spot young-writer-nervousness in our work’s occasional accidental didacticism or its desperation to reveal the entirety of something or to right some wrong. In fact, it turns out the most courageous and the truest and most human thing you can do as a writer is only reveal what you don’t know and admit that you don’t know it: you reveal the problem without solving it.

What is IDK? It’s giving a fair and balanced account of all characters, discursive rather than persuasive fiction, refusing to point the finger by instead showing how characters point fingers at each other, empathising as far as is possible with all of them, refusing to provide a victor or a loser and creating a world full of problems so complex that they defy resolution. (Likely this has some literary term I’ve never heard of.)

I have several examples of “IDK” and will serialise them across “I Don’t Know Month” which starts with this post on Hamlet today and continues for as long as an I Don’t Know Month does, because it’s my thing. Any work mentioned contains spoilers. I hope you enjoy these reflections and please feel free to submit your own, because “IDK” is my favourite brand of storytelling :)

I Don’t Know 1: Hamlet

I did begin my own analysis on this but found the basic effect of Hamlet better summarised by Kurt Vonnegut, so much so that it’s more or less all that remains! Ah, why say it twice though? :D

“[Hamlet’s] father has just died. He’s despondent. And right away his mother went and married his uncle, who’s a bastard.… So Hamlet goes up and talks to this fairly substantial apparition there. And this thing says, ‘I’m your father, I was murdered, you gotta avenge me, it was your uncle did it, here’s how.’ Madame Blavatsky, who knew more about the spirit world than anybody else, said you are a fool to take any apparition seriously, because they are often malicious and they are frequently the souls of people who were murdered, were suicides, or were terribly cheated in life in one way or another, and they are out for revenge. So we don’t know whether this thing was really Hamlet’s father or if it was good news or bad news. And neither does Hamlet. But he says okay, I got a way to check this out. I’ll hire actors to act out the way the ghost said my father was murdered by my uncle, and I’ll put on this show and see what my uncle makes of it. So he puts on this show… His uncle doesn’t go crazy and say, ‘I-I-you got me, you got me, I did it, I did it.’ It flops. Neither good news nor bad news. After this flop Hamlet ends up talking with his mother when the drapes move, so he thinks his uncle is back there and he says, ‘All right, I am so sick of being so damn indecisive,’ and he sticks his rapier through the drapery. Well, who falls out? This windbag, Polonius.”

In attempting to kill his father’s murderer, Hamlet murders Ophelia’s father: he becomes the thing he wishes to avenge.

“Neither good news nor bad news. Hamlet didn’t get arrested. He’s prince. He can kill anybody he wants. So he goes along, and finally he gets in a duel, and he’s killed. Well, did he go to heaven or did he go to hell?… I don’t think Shakespeare believed in a heaven or hell any more than I do. And so we don’t know whether it’s good news or bad news… There’s a reason we recognize Hamlet as a masterpiece: it’s that Shakespeare told us the truth…The truth is, we know so little about life, we don’t really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.”

This dense mixture of action, inaction, reality, fantasy and whether or not we can with our reasoning divine the correct action to take and whether or not this action will lead to the desired beneficent consequences is the stuff of life!

For more info on the shapes of stories from Kurt Vonnegut, check this out.