#i know im gonna get the speech from whoever i talk to but it doesnt matter because I cant help it

[sad-leon]

Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;

I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that

This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)

[bryndeavour]

i feel like a lecturer, adjusting my glasses and reblogging relevant video clips to prepare for my speech but let me just talk about ronnie box for a second. with no grammar or capital letters or whatever.. i was just editing other ppls writing for a while ok

this bitch had no idea about george fancy’s death being relevant to anything. and im not sure why he underestimated just how GOOD fred thursday was, but maybe he DIDNT and that was the whole point. because box himself isnt evil. hes not a nice guy, sure. but hes not this show’s definition of bad. because every cop is corrupt and basically everyone disrespects women. i think what he saw in fred was someone JUST LIKE HIM. because I think ronnie looks for the black and white in things, and he looks for kinship and familiarity and that old school style of coppering as much as he projects that hes the new school. 

but hes not, is he? he just looks the part. 

as soon as fred gives the money back and walks out the door he KNOWS its fucked up. for him. for fred. and its terrifying for him. we won’t see this man look confident or cocky or sure FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW. he knows he has to go tell whoever it is he has to tell. he knows hes gonna lose another rung in whatever ladder hes climbed with them. because he is just a bitch boy. he’s a smokescreen. HES A PATSY. 

And I think he became that when he figured out just how bad they were. Because he says to fred that you cant get out AND HE KNOWS. they play for keeps AND HE KNOWS. 

But he doesnt know about fancy. and he doesnt know about the drugs. all he knows is hes not important enough, strong enough, BAD ENOUGH to know.

I think that when we meet Box during series 5 (short hair. suit. cocky with mr bright. trying to slap shirley) that he’s at the peak of his confidence with his position. he’s on the take. he’s just gotten over how dirty it makes him feel. hes drinking the coolaid and he thinks a new wave of police control is coming - and it is - but I think after that... perhaps around when hes paired with Jago.. they ask him to do something that he cant do. I think he’s asked to kill someone. Or deal drugs. or WHATEVER and he cant do it. I think they threaten his family. Maybe his mother, on her own, who he’s been trying to prove himself to. His father’s memory he’s trying to salvage and justify. He said no to something and they threatened his life and livelihood and what he held dear.

And now he’s Jago’s beard. he’s jago’s alibi. hes the name on the paperwork. hes the one set up to take all the falls.

So we get into the hair and the clothes. the jewelry. Hes flashier. hes bigger. hes bolder. (*sings*  my makeup may be flaking but my smile still says on.. THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOONNNN)     he knows his place now though. and he listens to people. i mean shit he even cooperates with the cases and listens to morse until morse presses against that ‘enough is enough’ attitude that’s purely 60-70′s policing styles. results vs. thorough investigation. that wasnt even corruption to them. that was how the system worked. 

Box isnt actually surrounded by his peers. he’s surrounded by people who know hes a bitch boy. jago KNOWS he cant kill (and i presume its because he COULDNT when asked). They dont even trust box to know the whole plan. and even if he and jago taken alone are bros.... they both KNOW they are not the same. 

and here comes fred who feels like is on his level. fred who knows the grimey bits and is still a human. FRED WHO BELIEVES IN SECOND CHANCES. so maybe he just wanted a kindred soul. or maybe he knew it was sink or swim and he was looking for a life saver. maybe in some way he knew fred could bring him out of it... maybe not. 

no matter what his motivation was, fred stirred him enough to finally act. to make a move. to do the right thing. to do the only thing that he could, to stop something that he’d never be able to live with. he went from knowing NOTHING for his failures to knowing TOO MUCH and knowing he couldn’t live with that...

idk theres no point to this but thinking about the LAYERS they put into this man in 4 episodes... and it drives me ABSOLUTELY INSANE

also hes well fit so lets not forget that either

[labetalol]

psycho-pass s3e4 - summary + thoughts + analysis (spoilers)

again, i’m back to share what episode 4 was about for those who want all the spoilers!!!

synopsis: 

while kei mikhail ignatov is on suspension, yayoi kunizuka makes an appearance to help division 1. arata shindo is amazed to see her, as she made a name for herself as an enforcer who was able to rehabilitate into society and now is a journalist. more details come to light when yayoi sheds some interesting information on how people are being transported under the radar by knocking themselves out with drugs, basically simulating “being dead” then waking up when back into safe areas. this allows for latent criminals to travel without sibyl’s judgement. kazumichi irie takes the team to dr. kojo tsuchiya lab in an abandoned part of the city, where the late dr’s AI assistant tells the team about the dr’s project: the most advanced of AIs to date. the doctor had lost his daughter in the helmet crisis (season 1!) and he used neuroscience and technology to create an AI that takes thinking out of the equation. with his daughter’s death, he experienced too much of a “cognitive load,” thus wished to ease the burden of thinking by designing an AI that essentially does the thinking for you. THIS is the connection between the dr and karina komiya, as karina komiya (the pop star political candidate) wishes so badly to win that she has this AI wired to her during debates, speeches etc, which is illegal! a team of (unknown who’s really authorizing them) barges into one of the debates with karina and ma-karina, as they call the AI, with the intent to show the rest of japan how karina is using underhanded tricks to try and win the candidacy. division one + kei who “happened” to be there, despite being on suspension, beat up the bad guys, saving karina from death. the team discovers that it was enomiya, an ex-underground-wrestler who was supposedly hired by karina’s opponent to expose how she is utilizing an AI, meaning to dissuade people from voting for her. it all blows up and the secret organization that is the underlying antagonist of the series, Biofrost, wanted this all along, causing karina to win by a landslide. it makes the team, as they watch TV seeing how karina won, that in the end, whoever is most right by sibyl, aka, the AI, is the best version of a member of society. the episode ends with temma todoroki showing kei and arata a card with a signature fox on it, saying an ex-inspector who is now institutionalized is positive the foxes have something to do with a murder that everyone accepted was an accident. it finally cuts after mika shimotsuki tells the chief that she will flush out the foxes. 

thoughts + analysis:

ok so obviously my summary, as best as i could write it, is not really complete and im still kinda confused on the plot. its not the anime’s fault, its just cuz im not the best with watching tv shows! i usually have to watch it a few times to really get it, but this is as best as i can understand! the main things to highlight though in this episode are listed below:

-arata and karina’s relationship: there was a bit where, as arata was saving karina from the intruders during the debate, they were cornered and arata asked karina if she trusted him. she replies, “trust you? of course not!” and he, amused, states “i figured.” after he saves her, she looks to him, about to thank him, where he collapses from sheer exhaustion. she smiles softly, then later in the episode, asks to meet with him. they go on a ferris wheel together and talk, about ma-karina and how sibyl system accepts ma-karina’s role in politics. karina asks if she’s an evil person and arata asks her what she thinks of herself. she replies that she is an evil person and HE states he likes when people acknowledge their evilness. there’s an inkling of some sort of relationship here, as he says he voted for her. i just thought it was interesting to see their relationship dynamic and what it could lead into now that karina is safe and sound and governor.

-elevator scene with enomiya: so i guess the biggest thing im unsure on is Bifrost. i’m assuming there some hidden organization that pretty much runs society and they got bored and made a game out of it. so they make bets on who’ll win the governor position, etc... whoever loses can get into big trouble, maybe even as far as being killed. Bifrost ultimately is responsible for karina winning, using enomiya as a pawn. as soon as she fulfilled her duty on casting suspicion on the wrestler candidate (forgot the name), making him lose his standing as a candidate, she was killed. the guy, i dont know his name or even if it was given, but the one who watched enomiya fall down the elevator, he seems to be a pawn as well from Bifrost, maybe some sort of assistant or outside player, like a judge or referee. hmmmm

-irie x arata: ok i dont know why but i love their dynamic. irie was drunk as fuck and was very touchy with arata so idk! but drunk irie went outside and scared mika shimotsuki, to which she blushed and was surprised he asked for her to join the team’s little “party” as they watched the polls. i think irie’s character is developing really nicely, considering he seemed shallow and lame in the first episode, now he is loved be me!!!!!!!!

-akane and kogami???? so here we get a glimpse, at least i’m assuming, that akane is the institutionalized ex-inspector who became obsessed with the “foxes”, who are now the key focus of arata and kei. another mention of akane is by mika, when irie thanks mika for saving him from the slums, where mika replies that it was all thanks to akane, with a reminiscent smile on her face. i guess this ties in with kogami’s spiral down as he was so obsessed with makishima that it landed him as a latent criminal. akane, she probably doesnt have a cloudy hue but had to be institutionalized because with the stuff she knows along with hellbent on destroying these foxes, she might pose a huge threat to the sibyl system. 

questions I have:

-what exactly is sibyl system and Bifrost’s relationship? im thinking what i said above, but is that right? who knows!

-when the FUCK are akane and kogami gonna MEET!!?!??!

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

[svucarisiaddict]

can you do a nick one where the reader is a detective and she ends up in a hostage situation and the hostage taker puts the gun to her head and says something like “you love her. Don’t you?” To nick and he has to admit it

//This is so long! Sorry! I’m talking 2500+words…I get a bit carried away sometimes//

Soft light started filtering through the curtains waking you from your peaceful slumber. A heavy arm was over your body holding you in place which was fine and dandy with you. Mornings like this were few and far between for you and Nick so you were relishing every second.

“You awake?” Nick mumbled as he nuzzled his nose in your hair. His hand skimmed down your bare thigh. “Cause if your not. I’m about to give you a very rude awakening.”

“Hmmm…just how rude?” You shifted your hips to press back into Nick.

“Obscenely rude,” he replied.

“Oh, how I love Saturdays.”

Nick peppered kisses on your shoulder and down your arm while his hand traveled over your belly slowly making his way to the juncture between your thighs. Nick’s phone rang and buzzed on the nightstand. He groaned as he rolled away from you to answer. “Amaro. Got it Liv. I’ll be there in 20. No. It’s okay. I’ll call her. See ya.”

“How bad?” you asked as you sat on the side of the bed before standing and wrapping the sheet around you.

“Bad bad,” Nick answered. “Rape, homicide and hostage situation.” He pulled on his boxers and started redressing.

“Jesus. Guess that answers my next question about a shower. What time is it anyway?”

“Uh, just after 6am. You finish getting dressed. I’ll get the coffee going.” He rounded to your side of the bed and kissed your cheek. “Good morning by the way, .”

“It would’ve been a lot better if Liv hadn’t have called,” you grumbled.

Thirty minutes later you and Nick rolled up to the scene. Liv and Carisi were already there and Fin was pulling up at the same time as you.

“Mornin’ guys. Didn’t you wear that suit yesterday, Amaro? Dry cleaners closed or somthin’?” He smirked.

You hid a grin behind your coffee cup. Fin knew about you and Nick but put on that he didn’t. You had a pretty great partner in Fin. Usually, Nick had an extra suit at your place. Unfortunately, the suit he had on was extra from when he stayed the previous night.

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah. Something like that.”

The three of you reached Liv and Carisi to get a briefing on the situation at hand. She gave you a quick rundown. A man followed his ex and her new boyfriend home. Raped her, killed the new boyfriend and was now holding her and her roommate hostage.

“Hey, Nick. Is that the same suit from yesterday?” Sonny asked as the group walked to the mobile command.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Nick said.

“Sorry, Sarge,” Sonny replied.

Liv eyed you and Nick but didn’t comment. “Well now that we’ve all acknowledged that Nick is wearing the same suit he did yesterday can we please get back to the case?” She gave pointed looks to you and Nick. “Okay, guys name is Jake Malone.”

Your ears perked at the name. “The hostage taker? He early 30’s, tall, red hair?” you asked.

“Think you know him?” Fin asked.

“Possibly. An old roommate had a brother by that name. Probably a coincidence,” you concluded.

“Here is his picture,” Liv said as she passed you the tablet she had in he hand.

“It is him. Holy shit,” you mumbled. Something in his eyes was different. He was always happy, the life of the party, his eyes bright, but now they just looked sad. “Has anyone made contact with him?”

“Just one phone call from the negotiator but he hung up,” Liv informed you.

“Let me talk to him. Maybe if it’s someone he knows he’ll be more open to talking,” you suggested.

“You’re not going in there,” Nick blurted out. “Too dangerous. Even more so because he knows you.”

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at Nick’s outburst. Except for you. Right now you were shooting him daggers. Smooth, Nick. Real smooth. “Who do you think you are? Last I checked I could make my own decisions,” you snapped.

Nick pointed a finger in the air at you. “I’m your sergeant and your-” Nick stopped his speech right before he outed the two of you the squad, half the ESU and negotiations. “I’ll go. I doubt he wants to talk to a woman right now since he feels like he was screwed over by one.”

“You may be my sergeant but Liv has final say.” Crossing your hand over your chest you turned your attention to her. “So. Do you think I can handle it?”

She stood silent for a moment no doubt replaying the interaction that you and Nick just had. Liv looked between you and Nick. “Get your vest on,” she directed you.

“Your alpha male is showing,” you said in passing. You made it a point to shoulder check him.

“Really mature,” he mumbled.

“Fin you stay close to her, but out of sight,” Liv ordered.

“On it,” Fin replied. He jogged to catch up with you. “Trouble in paradise?” he asked you.

You looked around to be sure no one could hear you. “It’s like all of a sudden he sees me like some fragile porcelain doll,” you answered. “Drives me nuts.”

“He sees as more than a fellow cop now. The dynamic of your relationship has changed. Nick has always been protective but now that you two are…well together that protectiveness just went into overdrive,” Fin explained.

“You ready? We got him on the phone.” The negotiator said.

You nodded and took the phone as he passed it to you. “Jake? It’s Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’d like to come up and talk with you if that’s okay?” He repeated your name then was silent. He finally agreed but only without a gun and you had to come alone. “That’s not a problem, Jake. I’m giving my gun to my partner right now.” You unholstered your gun handing it over to Fin.

When Nick saw what you were doing he shook his head and started stalking toward you. You halted him with one look. He clenched his jaw but stayed put.

The walk up the five flights of stairs felt like it took forever. When you reached the apartment you rapped on the door. A woman opened the door with the chain attached. “I’m Y/N.” The door closed and you heard the chain slide open. You were ushered in quickly. The woman that opened the seemed unharmed physically but she was terrified. Her eyes were big as she opened the door. “What’s your name?” you asked the brunette.

“Tori,” she said.

“It’s okay, Tori. I’m gonna get you out of here,” you said in a calm voice.

Holding your hands up you made eye contact with Jake. It had been a couple years that you had seen him. His eyes were haunted.

He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Y/N? I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it,” he said in a shaky voice. His arm was around her neck with a gun pushed to her head.

“Cause you’re a psycho. I should have known as soon as we started dating,” the blonde said. Must be the ex, Mandy.

This was your opportunity, a little role reversal. “Okay, Mandy. What did you do him?”

The look she gave you could kill. After a beat, she understood what you were trying to do. “I-I had a miscarriage, cheated on him,” she stammered.  “I’m so sorry, Jake. It was wrong.”

“Too late for apologies. Our baby is gone. Maybe you should have thought about that before you became a slut,” he spat.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that. That was a horrible thing to do,” you empathized.

He lowered the gun. “I just want to be happy again,” he said.

“I know you do. What you went through, I can’t imagine.” You bite your bottom lip then took a deep breath. “Why don’t let these two go. So we can sit and talk,” you suggested.

His phone started ringing. “That will be my lieutenant. She wants to help get everyone out safely,” you stated.

He never broke eye contact with you as he answered the phone. “Hello? They’re fine. No. No. I won’t do that.” He took a deep breath then pushed on the screen of the phone setting it on a nearby table. “Tell him you are okay. He doesn’t believe me.”

“This is Sargeant Amaro. How is everyone?”

Fucking Nick. “We’re fine, Sergeant. Jake is calm. We’re talking.” The other women chimed in saying they were fine. “We were talking. Jake is going to let Tori go. Right, Jake?”

Jake put his hand to his head. “I dunno.”

“If you cooperate with them, they work with you, Jake,” you reminded him.

“Go. Fucking go.”

“Tori. Head out, slowly.” She nodded her head in acknowledgment. You breathed a sigh of relief when she got out the door. “Tori is coming down now.”

“Thank you-” Nick was saying but Jake ended the call.

Mandy tried to squirm out of his grasp. “Not you,” he said and tightened his arm around her neck.

“Please, Jake. I’m sorry. I-I want to come back. I was stupid-” she begged before she was cut off by Jake.

“You really think I want you back? A cheating whore?” he said with disgust. “I want someone that will stay loyal, honest…”

You knew ESU had cameras, mics, snipers in place by this time. It’s what I want too. Hard to find it these days. Seems all anyone wants is a roll in the hay, then see ya later.”

Jake eyed you skeptically. “Yeah. Or they act like they want to be with you but don’t actually make the commitment.”

You smiled. “You really seem to get me. Why didn’t we talk more when I and your sister were roommates?”

He actually gave you a smile. “I was too shy. You were older and just seemed out of my league.” Jake started loosening his grip on Mandy. “Do-do you have a boyfriend?”

“I really wouldn’t call him that,” you scoffed. “Probably using me like every other man has. Guess I’ll take what I can get. It’s really all I deserve.” Looking up at him through your lashes you said, “makes me wonder if there are any good guys left out there.”

“Those are boys. Men don’t treat women like that,” Jake stated. “You deserve better than whoever it is you’re with right now.”

“You’re right.” Taking a couple cautious steps toward Jake you said, “let Mandy go. Me and you, we need to be alone. Talk.”

The phone rang again. “Answer it,” he directed. “On speaker.”

Slowly you reached for the phone. “This is Detective Y/L/N.”

“This is Lieutenant Benson. Is Jake able to talk?” she asked.

“He’s here, Liv.” You nodded at Jake.

“Hello?” he said.

“I want to thank you for letting Tori go. What can we do for you?”

Jake looked to you. “It’s okay. Liv is a good person. She’ll help you,” you insisted.

“Nothing you can give me,” he said.

“How about you let Mandy go? We’ll help you get out safe,” she offered.

“I can stay with him. He doesn’t want to be alone,” you said. You could hear Nick in the background swearing and saying no way. Liv covered the speaker to block Nick. Once he had either calmed down or moved away she came back on the phone.

“Can you do that? Can you let Mandy go and Y/N can stay?” Liv asked.

Jake furrowed his brow. The hand holding the gun clenched around the handle and released. He was contemplating his choices. Jake nodded quickly.

You let out breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Liv? Mandy is on her way.”

“Great. That’s great, Jake. Thank you for working with us,” Liv said.

Mandy slowly slipped out of Jake’s arm. She cautiously walked to the door, her eyes flicking from you back to Jake. You heard the door the door open then click shut in short succession. Just you and Jake. Your mind raced with thoughts of how you were going to get out of this one. “Why don’t we sit?” you said.

Jake took a seat on the couch then gestured you to join him. “Tell me. This guy you’re with, do you work with him?”

“I do. Which was a bad decision right out of the block. I thought he may be different but…” you sighed. The things you were telling Jake were real feelings. Fin tried to talk you out of getting involved. But by the time he had found out you were in too deep with Nick. The scary part was you had fallen in love with Nick months ago.

“You love him?” he asked.

It wasn’t a question you had expected. “Yeah. Pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same. Unrequited love has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.”

A commotion at the door startled both you and Jake. Nick came busting through the door. Jake grabbed you and put the gun at your side. “Who the hell are you?” he screamed.

“Sargeant Amaro. Put the gun down, Jake!” Nick warned. He turned his eyes to you, clearly afraid. He mouthed “I’m sorry.”

“It’s you. Isn’t it? The one that has been playing Y/N,” Jake challenged.

“I’m not playing her. I love her,” Nick said softly. His eyes shifted to yours.

The next thing you knew Jake was on the floor holding his knee. The sniper finally had a clean shot. Nick rushed over and kicked the gun from Jake’s reach. ESU burst through the doors as Nick was cuffing him. Once he was taken out of the apartment by ESU it was just you and Nick.

Nick took your hand to lead you out the door. “Let’s get you checked out by the EMT’s”

“I’m fine-”

Nick sighed then mumbled. “Can’t you ever do anything you’re told?”

“Now what fun would that be?” you joked.

Nick waited for you until you got the all clear from the paramedics. He put his arm around your shoulders as you walked to the car. “I want to talk about earlier when I said I love you-”

“It’s okay, Nick. I know you said it because there was a gun held on me,” you gave him a tight smile. “I get it. Going through a divorce-”

Nick stopped and grasped your shoulders. “I love you, Y/N,” Nick interrupted you this time. He didn’t give you time to say anything as he leaned over and kissed you. Like a reflex, his arms encircled your body and yours wrapped around his neck.

Cheers, claps, and whistling made the two of you stop and giggle. When you turned Liv was the first person you saw. She had her fingers between her lips eliciting a high pitched whistle.

“Bout time!” Fin called.

Sonny was clapping and smiling wide.

“I think we have everyone’s approval,” Nick said with a beaming smile.

“Seems so.” You put your hand on Nick’s chest. “ I love you too, Nick.” This time you stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss much to the delight of the audience.

[zonerz]

Discussing Pink Diamond Theories

So yall already know abt what direction I think Pink Diamond’s personality would be more likely to go, if we’ve learned ANYTHING abt how 3-dimensional the characters in this show are LMAO

So, with that in mind, lets talk theories, and continue with where I left off; Pink’s dilemma with Earth. 

Im sure she’d be sentimental about her first planet that she learned so much about, so it’s possible she might do what she could to save it, and taken her seemingly impulsive nature and obvious tendency to really FIGHT for what she wants, not afraid to stand up and argue with those higher than her, I feel her doing something drastic to get what she wants isn’t too far of a stretch, especially if she was truly attached to the planet. There’s also the fact that she was the creator of Rose Quartz soldiers, so our Rose could have possibly influenced her if she had been close enough or had gotten the opportunity. We can infer that Pink didn’t hold the same traditions that the other diamonds do, and it’s possible she spent a lot more time with her soldiers personally than the others, especially because of the fact that a lot of them were defective like herself. Hell, she might have even used that to her advantage to help motivate them, giving a whole “I was kicked down for being different but look at how I ended up! I’m here! I was able to climb and you can all do good too.” speech.

Also, with this intimacy with her court and army, she could’ve easily have been more aware of the seeds of rebellion that were growing. Again, this can split off into two branches, either she hates it and tries to shut it down (or merely never knew and thus was truly murdered by Rose/whoever framed Rose) or, and frankly more interestingly but also less likely, she could have seen a possible rebellion as an opportunity.

If anything were to get the other Diamonds off of Earth’s back, it would be a rebellion, a STRONG one too. 

So, and this is where we get into wild speculation here folks, but what if she had colluded with Rose??? Rose obviously loved Earth and if Pink Diamond had shown EQUAL support of the planet, then just imagine the possibilities of what these two could have planned. Pink’s supposed shattering of course is another story. Betrayal perhaps? Or a planned and unfortunate sacrifice for something Pink and Rose loved? Hell, maybe even it was staged. IK there’s a theory going around that Pink could possibly be bubbled (or have even escaped and gone into hiding) and while it’s probably not true, its fascinating to think of the possibilities of what could happen if she were still alive.

I mean, imagine it. The defective and oh so fragile Pink diamond seemingly being resurrected and then openly fighting on the side of the Crystal Gems, just for one planet. Imagine showing her true face and self for every other gem to see. Hell, imagine Jasper and so many gems like her’s reactions to finally seeing the legendary Pink Diamond and realizing that she’s defective. Imagine the kind of spark the idea of a defective diamond could spark in the rebellion. For characters like Amethyst who have always seen themselves as lesser for being short and coming out “wrong”! It’d be absolutely mind-boggling and would make even the most devoted homeworld gems question their oh-so perfect leaders!

Like I said, mad speculation that’s probably not gonna happen, but LET ME D R E A M–

EDIT: WE FORGOT ABT THE MURAL WHICH COULD MOST DEFINITELY SHOW US SOME MORE INFO!!

So the gem that Rose is fighting obviously doesnt look like Pink, that’s clear to say the least, especially with the diamond being on the chest rather than the lower stomach. Now, while this could be an idolization, it still doesnt add up. The coloration suggests that this gem Rose is fighting is instead White Diamond. But them again, the gem placement comes into question, but let me offer a solution!

Perhaps the diamond insignia on the chest is simply apart of a universal outfits the diamonds wear, after all we’ve seen all of the lower rank gems wearing outfits with that similar diamond on their chest. Ik I personally assumed it was just a yellow diamond thing but we’ve seen that everyone wears them because of the Amethysts in the Zoo and then Blue Agate herself, so why is it so far fetched that the diamonds themselves used to wear the same outfits and only Yellow from what we’ve seen, seeing as she’s the most militaristic, kept up the tradition? Pearl’s spacesuit even has Pink Diamond’s diamond on the chest!

So, this diamond is most likely White. So, what’s happening in the rest of the pic? Well, first off, it looks an awful lot like Rose is holding Pink Diamond.

So okay, let’s assume she IS. There’s two possibilities of what’s going on then. 

1) PD was only Poofed by Rose when stepping out of her palanquin and then was held as a sort of hostage by the rebellion as a hope to gain and advantage. PD’s freedom for The diamonds to leave Earth alone (although it’s unlikely they’d follow through) THEN furthermore, with the way White is standing, it’s possible that she’s literally denying it saying “No, you all have caused enough trouble for us, this ends now.” Which could’ve ended with Pink shattering in the midst of battle and then White blaming it on Rose

Or, and personally what I think if more likely

2) Pink was protecting Rose and the others. If we look at the way the mural is placed and how each character is standing, it looks more like Rose has her hands out in a “No, don’t!” type position as White seems to be launching an attack. And then of course, we see PD’s gem seemingly blocking and taking the blow of White’s shot if the lines going into the gem itself are anything to go off of. This exact moment could be what shattered Pink. As I looked at earlier, it’s extremely likely that a character like Pink got attached and wanted to protect her planet and her court. That dedication, appreciative and downright love could have been what saved them and Rose but also cost Pink her life.

And as Zircon said, it’s only possible for a Diamond to be shattered by another diamond! And of course White may not have intended to hit Pink, but if she did, she would most definitely try to cover it up. And who else is a known fugitive and rebel as well as being perfectly matched in the frame with WD?

Rose Quartz.

*Mindblown*

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[hoodedlouis]

my review of harrys show

this is gonna be long & its mainly for twitter but hi this is from his radio city show

so im gonna get the ‘negative’ side out of the way first, i may review each and every song but who knows yet im just excited to do this 

THE SETLIST- should not be how it is, its just an odd mix and as much as i love ever since new york, it should not be the opening at all. I agree with only angel being the opening cause i mean cmon with that lead up & its fast paced but not too much so its fun to start, i just think that having those like not slow but not fast songs first mixed with two ghosts does not work, it should be only angel, ever since new york, carolina, ever since new york, and then the rest how it is (mainly bc i cant remember the setlist loooooollololooloolol) 

as much as i love just a little bit of your heart, it really doesnt fit, it really is kind of random and the sadness of it just doesnt really fit where it is and idk its just an odd cover to do once ur like in the setting and not just watching from videos, i think he needs another hyped up one to play, idk what he would play but i think he needs something to really get the crowd going, also story of my life should not be the second cover im sorryvfurebf but like i and maybe half the crowd blanked on the words plus stockholm IS SO GOOD CMON

NOW THE POSITIVE, lets talk about him in general because jesus fucking christ, if you dont know i was second row for this show in the pit and it was fucking insane, he’s beyond gorgeous and pics do not show his full potential, his voice is actually that good like i was shocked with all his running and jumping just how fucking good he sounded, he’s so raspy and really does his job well, he was made to be on stage its so clear to see how much he loves it and really gives his all during his shows, i could not take my eyes off him and i just swayed along during the sad ones and went insane during the fast ones while my eyes never left him, he really does trap you in and connects with the crowd, SPEAKING OF CROWD, the fucking attention he pays to the crowd is insane, yes he caters to the first two rows a lot but he makes sure to connect to the back and upper and he was itching the entire time to climb those stairs im so happy he did, he has such a presence that i really cannot describe you really can only experience it and i hope you all get the chance to be second row for him, ever since his show ive been feeling so weird like i actually ache to see him again, i miss him terribly and this show left such a lasting impression on me because it was just that good like truly mind blowing once i think back to it

KIWI GOES OFF CAN I TELL YALL THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW, i was lucky enough to hear it 2.5 times and he fucking owned every single time, that song gets the crowd going so much no matter where u sit and he makes sure to sing in your face (i would know i had the pleasure of screaming im having your baby with him while he was in my face) WOMAN IS SO SEXY LIVE LIKE WE ALL KNOW ITS SEXY BUT ITS SEXY (he did not think my dancing was sexy https://twitter.com/hoodedlouis/status/914613372087361536 see that face from the beginning to :05 yeah that was at me LMAO HE LOVES ME) what makes you beautiful is his pride and joy that man loves one direction and he loves the love we all still have for that band

NOW THE SAD ONES, two ghost really doesnt pack a punch for me live, idk why but like i zoned out for 5 seconds during it and i freaked over his note changes more than the song idk what it is but jfc was i not looking around for louis behind those curtains, SWEET CREATURE RUINED MY SOUL that is my favorite song and it really really hits you, you can feel how that man feels about whoever hes singing about (louis) and u can tell the crowd isnt focusing on who its for we just make it about him and sing back to him, i just remember sobbing along while singing and he has such a look on his face when he lets the crowd sing you bring me home to him because he gets it and he knows, FTDT > MMITH BY A LONG SHOT, before i didnt care for them much they were on the same level for me, LIVE FTDT HITS TOO FUCKING HARD, it had me crying and the tears would not stop its heartbreaking and you can hear/feel it from him, mmith is kinda just eh to me like its still a lot for him but he has a lot more emotion for ftdt, he makes this speech either before the chain or sott but it kinda bases around sott and let me tell you. hearing sott live. takes you on the worst ride, you just go back to that video of him walking before it came out and you remember being so excited and shocked and i went back to my night in my room waiting till 4am to hear it on bbc 1 and you feel your first reaction and u feel how much that meant to him, he looks around the crowd while singing we got to get away while the crowd gets louder and watching his eyes he is just really taking it all in nd cant believe he gets to do this

overall, as i sit here in public trying not to cry over it, this concert is my overall first favorite and has left such an impact on me that i will never be able to move on from, im seeing him at msg and i know it wont be the same bc this was beyond intimate this was on another level where it felt like it was just you and him, i miss him terribly i feel like i left a bit of my heart with him and you will never understand how much i feel bc i cant describe it, harry styles is a legend no matter how much u wanna take away from certain things due to other things, hes got something to him and he knows it and he thrives on the crowd and i love him so much i cant even tell you, i am so so lucky to have gone and been so close and to have had moments with him where i felt like it was just me and him in the room as old friends i hope you all get to see him and experience the heart wrenching and heart swelling experience i got  

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 8: I think I'll call her Vengeance. - Adam

So tonight went well. We didn't have to go to tribal council and Nahte voted out the person I, literally, did not want to meet up with if we swapped again or merged. I don't know Cole, so maybe he's a decent guy, but I've seen and heard some things that were uglie that I just didn't want to deal with. But anyways. This fucking challenge. Honestly, it's like demon music. It's like Satan himself threw up into my ears. UGH.

I know what you're thinking. Adam crushed another redemption challenge? That means it's time for whiny McBitchersons 3 right? Wrong, this episode has been cut short to make room for this heartfelt speech about my love for Andreas: Andreas, Love is like a flower, It only blooms when you're both on redemption and you keep winning together and staying alive and being the only person I talk to right now. And I know I never tell you truthfully how well I'm doing in the challenge but that's only because it's a stupid thing to ask and I'm of course going to lie because although I want you to stay alive too I still want you to only be second best because if for some reason one of the other bitches ever did better than us I still want to stay alive. I had a dream, that one day we would both emerge from the island together, and return to the game we were so wrongfully terminated from. But sometimes you have to wake up from the dream, and realize it's only me or you. And I'm glad it's either one of us, because none of these other weak ass hoes who came to redemption ever deserved it. Like check out these lame fucking scores they all gave. It's like they hardly even tried. The ones that actually tried that is! How many people just straight up quit when they get to redemption? I seen two so far and that shit is funny, it's like you ain't even want it at all! Must be scared or just feelin shitty about being voted out. But bitch we all feel shitty after being voted out! You gotta harness that fury and channel it into your redemption challenges. I'm getting a little off track here, but the point was Andreas is my dude, and while I won't really swear to avenge you because I'm pretty sure the people who voted you out are the friends that I was voted out for having, so it's like if I ever get back I probably won't have much of a choice of who to work with, BUT if given the opportunity I will do right by you, because your chill and friendly and it seems like they did you wrong. So, if I win cool, if you win whatever, that sucks for me but better than someone like Cole winning redemption after just being voted out, cuz this challenge really is anyone's game. So good luck dude. I'm rootin for us

I hate this challenge. There is no way I'm going to be able to discern anything. I know that whoever wins that most useful will probably go the isle. So like I can't wait to get voted out.

This challenge sucks! It is so hard to hear all the different songs. Right now my tribe is very quiet. I hope we have a swap soon so I can have a more active tribe, I haven't talked to anyone one on one in DAYS. Except Drew, he's the only one who seems to make any kind of effort. I'm pretty sure that Regan and Charlotte are aligned but are not saying anything. Why else would they keep trying to be the ones to go to Jordan Island? It is suspicious all right! Lets hope we win immunity so I can do no work for another day :-)

At this point I'm not sure if I'll win. I have a feeling my time is running out. I'm gonna have to do some wicked talking to Adam and see if I can convince him to fall on the sword for me lmao. Doubt it'll happen but you never know. If I can't, then Im gonna give him my idol in the hopes that he can actually do something with it. I'm kind of scared. Redemption Island has always been so good to me... plz dont fuck me over

I feel like I confess too much and I'm going to cringe when I read them back once the season is over. We're about 21 minutes away from the challenge deadline and I just don't know what's going to happen. I think we relied way too heavily on Shazam, but the other tribes are probably going to do the same thing. It's basically going to come down to luck on this one, I think... and who has the more wrong answers to deduct points. Also if Situations isn't that emo song at the beginning, I'm quitting the game right here, right now. No joke. 

GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE I FORGOT KAREN WAS EVEN ON THIS TRIBE SINCE SHE CONTRIBUTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?? WHAT A FUCKING MOOD.

Okay so update. Adam told me that he has 12 songs and I have 17 and we are waiting for results and IM GOING TO PUKE IM SO NERVOUS FUCK

(this is meant for last round oops, put it in there if u can) im so fucking pissed off bc of this damn tribe, i am so done w them like really? THREE people threw, apparently bc i wasnt able to submit like thats a shitty excuse just say u want me out or that u want ur ass to be immune and get idols i cant wait for the one round that despite them throwing, me david and ryan get good enough scores to win and one of us ends up immune i hope cole’s ass gets kicked on redemption and emma can choke too AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA When! Will! This! Neverending! Marathon! Of! Tribal! Councils! End!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LczLqQWCihg&feature=youtu.be https://youtu.be/qmpGefnZ0RQ TO TOP THIS ALL OFF I WANT TO KEEP EMMA AND LILY DOESNT AND ITS DOWN TO THE FOUR OF US AND IDK WHAT IM GOING TO DO EMMA WHY ARE U SO FUCKING USELESS WWHYHGUIJYHFILUWYSHDFILCKEWHSFLCAWEVC9OIWAREUHRWLSD,U]

I think I'll call her Vengeance. Winning this redemption was bitter sweet. Cuz Andreas was the sweet but I'm still bitter. A lot of good came out of this though, I'll make sure of it. Cuz God has a plan and I intend to implement it. You know I was just being friendly at the beginning for fun. You know we're stuck on this island for the same reason, and it's nice to have someone to discuss the game with. But we just kept winning together! Did you know he's the king of redemption? I had no idea. Apparently the dude won like a ton on 3 different seasons. But what's a king to a God ;) It's sad when you really do the math. Because before it was over he told me he got 17, and I only had 12 so I told him you deserve it. I still had hope, because I had faith in my answers so maybe he had made some mistakes, and if he got 3 wrong I won. Turns out he got 4, so if he had just not even guessed those, he would've still had 13 and won. But oh well. We were talking before about it, because he said he wanted to give it to me if he's leaving cuz otherwise it's null. Chrissa gave it to him, cuz she knew she wouldn't win but girl didn't even try. 2000 points? Pathetic. I mean we totally blew it out of the water but still. Anyway we asked to do results earlier at like 9:30 and Jordan took a bit to process the scores and he told us it was 12-9. And well, I think you know whose was whose. It was kinda funny, cuz he yelled MY IDOL!!! and I was like Quick throw it to me!!! It would have been cute if he did an *action* but I guess he's not about that. But anyway I lied before cuz as we said goodbye I asked him if there was anyone he wanted me to murder for him. It felt like the right thing to do. He told me again that Ari really did him dirty. I was hoping he'd say her cuz if he had said like Ryan or Jess her allies I would've had to straight up lie, but Ari I can work with. Idk if they'll not vote me out or not but I don't really have allies going back in anyway. I'm just gonna wing it. So now I've done whatever the blunt equivalent of pouring one out for him is, and I had Jordan find me a picture of my idol to gaze upon, and it's this cute little crab necklace. And I'm just thinking, I think I'll call her Vengeance. 

Alright, so. Tribal's happening soon, and while I am hoping it all works out, a part of me is kinda worried. I know David Robb isn't gonna be going, that's for sure... But I WAS a target, and have been for a little while. Sure, Cole is gone, but Emma might still turn the others against me. I think it's the most logical move, though, because as I said to David earlier... [11:12:07 AM] Lily Owen: So, tbh, here’s my hot take on this [11:12:12 AM] Lily Owen: Emma didn’t contribute [11:12:18 AM] Lily Owen: She threw last round [11:12:22 AM] Lily Owen: Do I need to say it

[mysticmessenger-reactions]

Can I have some angst that doesnt end well? With RFA +V and Saeran if possible.

OK here you go just a

ou go just a warning the Yoosung one is really long OK! So buckle up this is gonna be sad. And if this is not what you wanted then pleaselet me know so I can re-write it!

And dear lord you guys are trying to kill these men…and woman.

Yoosung

Between gaming and school he had no time for you. You could understand studying that was a necessity. But every night when he came home you ran to the door to greet him but he would just push you to the side telling you that he was stressed and needed to game to make him feel better. And thats ok the first few times but not everyday. But being the good wife that you are you still made him dinner, did his laundry, and even washed his dishes. But all you got was a ‘thanks. 

 The day of your anniversary came by. You and Yoosung were so happy on the day of your wedding.  Your friends and family were there it was perfect. Part of Yoosungs speech went like 

“MC I promise to make time for you even though I’m busy I will never forget to hang out with you you are not only my wife but my best friend.”  

And in the beginning of your marriage that was true…..for a while. After his classes he would run home and tackle you with hugs and kisses exclaiming how much he missed you. But over the months his excitement faded more and more to the point where you were basically old news. 

“I’ll spend all my time with you my ass” You mock setting the table for a romantic dinner.

 Then the door opens and you run to see Yoosung.  

“Yoosung~” You say cheerfully. “Your home”

 He just looks at you sadly and walks past you. You give him a cold stare. Finally he looks up at you confused. Tears are dripping down your face. 

“Whats wrong MC” He asks. 

“Have you even looked at the chatroom today. He glances at his phone and sess all the ‘Happy Anniversary’ texts theres even one from V.

 “Shit I’m so sorry” He says.

 “Oh, what sorry that all our friends remember our anniversary but you dont. You yell.  “Its just school an-” You cut him off. 

“No, Yoosung its always school you never have time for me anymore” You yell through tears. “You know what I’m calling Seven to come pick me me up” 

Tears are dripping down his face youve never seen him this sad. You pick up your phone and call Seven all Yoosung can do is watch in horror as his wife walks out the door.

Zen

He came home late….again drunk…again. You had enough of this he had been doing this for the past few weeks since his “career took off”. You were happy for him, dont get that wrong. But this excessive drinking and partying was to much for you. You decided to talk with him.

 ‘Hey Zen, honey.” You say sweetly.

 “Yeah MC” He slurrs.

 “I think this drinking is getting out of hand.” You say genly putting your hand on his lap.

 He slaps your hand away and you stare at him in shock. 

 “You don’t tell me what to do woman” He sneers lighting a cigarette.

 “Don’t smoke on our new couch dear.” You remind him.

 “Im the one who bought this thing” He yells.

 “Yes but your wife gets a say too!” You yell back on the verge of tears.

 “Whatever” He says looking off.

 “What happend to the man I married” You say walking away.

 Once you get out the door you call Yoosung.

 He answers the phone.

 “Hello?” He answers sounding tired 

 Yoosung. You sob into the phone

 MC is that you….why are you crying. He says hecticly

 Zen is such an asshole why did I even marry him” You sob

 MC what happened. He asks with a scared tone.

 Ill tell you can you please come pick me up. You say shakily. 

 Ok Ill be there in a minute MC hold on. He says.

 When Zen wakes up the next morning your gone he then remembers what happened last night. 

 He lost his MC.

Seven

 He came back from a mission and you were so excited to see him. He had been gone for about 3 months and you had been so lonely without him. You missed his pranks, his jokes, and just everything about him was perfect to you. He was such a loving husband to you. You were getting ready to go to the airport Jumin was getting you a ride and you were so thankful. When you arrived you told Driver Kim to wait outside. But when you walked in Seven looked awful you could feel the worry and anxiety from all the way across the airport.

 “Seven~” You scream.

 You go to hug him and he flinches back but you wrap your arms around him and he loosens up.

 “I missed you” You sob.

 He smiles but then turns to a frown he looks behind him and hugs you tighter you feel tears go onto your back.

 “MC you have to listen to me ok” He says frantically

 You nod confused.

 “Someone followed me back their extremely dangerous I need you to get as far away from here as possible” He whispers.

 “What? Seven I-I cant leave you” You sob into his chest.

 “MC…please don’t make this harder for me to say goodbye” He hugs you tighter. 

 He pulls way wiping your tears from your face. “MC don’t cry just know that Iove you”

 “I know but-” He start.

 “MC were running out of time please just go” He begs.

 You hesitate but look into his eyes “Goodbye Seven” 

 You run to Driver Kim’s car and get in.

 “Take me to Jumins’s house now!” You scream.

 As you drive away you see an explosion and cry harder. Your Seven is gone forever.

Jumin 

 “MC not now I have to work” Has become a common phrase in your house. He has become almost robotic like he has no emotion at all. Now hes not good with emotions he never was but now he has almost none including love. You were so done so you stormed out the door to take a walk but you saw the headlights racing towards you to bad you didn’t care anymore.

 “MR. HAN MR. HAN” An employee ran into the meeting room.

 “What is it” He says sounding annoyed.

 “Its your wife sh-” He didnt even finish his sentence before Jumin was out the door.

 “Please be ok” He says to himself over and over.

 When he gets to the hospital he immediately runs over to your room. 

 “Doctor please do you know what happened.” He pleads.

 “She got hit by a car” He says quietly.

  “I will sue whoever did thi-” He was cut off.

 “You didn’t let me finish, many witnesses said that it looked like she saw the car coming she stared right at it” He finishes.

 “So your saying she committed suicide” He looks over at her covered by the cloth. “Why MC” He sobs.

 Jumin was never ok after that he often just skipped work and drank wine. The RFA tried to help him but he didn’t want it he just wanted to be alone

 Ok I spent hours on that so please let me do another one I’ll do the ones I didnt do tomorrow ok. 

[bigbrotherorre]

EPISODE EIGHT: “THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS” - BRYCE RACE AGAINST TIME WEEK! EVICTED: BLAKE - 7 TO 4

RANDY AND KAT ARE BACK BITCHES https://media.giphy.com/media/Y9S9jOb7b1LQA/giphy.gif AND I lived to see a 3-part comp that I can actually do well in?? Oh it's over for these hoes and my dog days are behind me https://media.giphy.com/media/MeHQtCSZ46bRe/giphy.gif

I AM SO SAD ME AND BLAKE ARE GOING TO BE NOMMED BC WE SUCK AT CHALLENGES ARE ARENT RATS!! SO SAD IM CRYING BLAKE IS SUCH A KING AND IF WE HAVE TO BE FINAL NOMS TOGETHER IM GONNA KMS!!! SOOOO SAD IM CRYING AHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG WENT WRONG AND ITS UP TO MY DUMB BRAIN TO DO THE LOGIC PUZZLE BUT I CAN NOT SO UHHHH RIP US WILLL I STAY OVER HIM WHOMST KNOWS!!!

if i had a heart this week would break it

Hola did you miss me? So I didnt record or make a goodbye DR because I knew there was justice within this universe. I knew my eviction was unjust and thats why I''m back because I have a vendetta to settle and I'm not going to leave until I'm successful. Yes ladies you heard it here, its time to cut the throat of bitches who thought double crossing me was okay. And newsflash: it isn't a good idea to fuck me over. I hated the amount of bullshit I had to endure when I came back into this house. Everybody said "omg I miss u" but the only people who were genuine about it were Jose, Autumn, Ali, and Dennis the rest these bitches were just being diplomatic. And that just shows true character. So since I'm back im going to go through the current cast list as of right now. Ali: A british legend he has been genuine the whole time throughout this game and I'm going to work with him especially since not only is he easy to convince but he is amazing to talk to. Alivia: I can't trust her and I'm not going to. However I will play a little stupid and just make it look like I want to work with her. She is just such a strong personality that if she rubs me the wrong way I'll fucking lose my shit nonetheless. She is no different then any other floater just trying to ease her braindead gameplay by voting in the majority in every round. She has lacked a backbone throughout this whole game, and its not going to grow anytime soon Ashvika: Inactive and not interesting. In HOS she was overrated, and playing with her in this game just proves that she should've stayed out of this community. The worst floater within this cast, and I'm hoping she gets killed in the early jury. Autumn: Literally a queen within this game. She is so forgiving, and lovable. She understands me so well and I'm not going to turn my back on her. She kept me which wouldve fucked her over if I didnt come back. So now that I'm back im hoping our agendas will align and we can fuck over those people first. Blake: He evicted me, so i'm not going to trust him, and I'm not going to be his little bitch anymore. But I'm going to make it look like I need him more than ever. Because once im through with Zeezo and Bryce I'm going to have to go after Alivia/Lynn or Sammy/John. He is nominated this week against Bryce so i need him to actually be a good gameplayer and make sure he stays this week. Bryce: I cant trust him. Ever since Nicholas Julia I just have to think its either Bryce or Zeezo. So I'm hoping that with this week I can have an easy time evicting him and then its guns out on taking out Zeezo. Dennis: One of the reeasons I was nominated week 6 was because he was petty. But that shows that his emotion = his gameplay.  So since I'm back I can make a good connection with him. If I can keep up with him and if I know how he feels I'll know how he will play. I have no need to betray him, and I'm hoping in creating a trustworthy ally within him. He's active but I dont think he has cemented himself within any group in this game yet. John: I tried to make a f2 with him to secure his vote. Sister voted me out anyways so I'm not going to trust him ever again. Everytime I talk to him about game he just asks all these questions and shit. I see right through his bullshit because I know a snake when I see one. I put too much trust into him, and he backstabbed me. I'm not going to fuel our relationship, but I will be nice for the time being. I need him to evict Bryce this week so I'm just going to be a good guy with him, and then later into the game kill him for the little bitch he is. Jose: I dont talk to him as much as I want to but I still trust him a lot. He is a good ally, but I just hope he shows more of his potential as a player soon. I want to work with him so im going to continue to be honest and transparent with him. Lynn: I guess she's only social with a handful of people like...... gtfo sister is dry as hell still. She evicted me, and like thats cool. I'm not going to work with her and she is totally at the bottom of my totem pole. Randy: A king... who never goes Prejury Sammy: Out of all the people who talked to me when I came back I knew he was the most nervous when it came to talking to me. He loves appeasement, and makes people know that everything he does isnt with the intention of hurting. Its believable kissass, but for right now I'll buy it. Keep on selling it Sammy. Me and him had an interesting conversation because he thinks im going to target him alongside bryce and zeezo. And I told that I'm tunnel visioned onto Bryce and Zeezo and that now is a grace period ffor him to be on my good side. He's going to be a threat nonetheless near the end, but I need to be good with him since I don't see him leaving anytime soon. Zeezo: I think she's the person who framed me, and if she isnt then i guess I just wasted my time. I would love to take her out, and i would love to get my revenge. I will never trust her, and I will make sure she knows I won't stop until she is evicted. Eviction is tomorrow. I'm pushing for Bryce to leave. The votes Blake has to keep him are me, autumn, alivia, sammy, and probably john. I'm going to talk to Dennis, Ali, and Jose tomorrow and hint to them that I'm evicting Bryce and if they want to work with me that would be the best opportunity to do so. After that I will have to win HoH. I need this HoH because if I don't win it. Its probably going to be Zeezo who wins it. And if neither of us wins it then it  gives Zeezo a window of time to change the dynamics of the game to her favor. And whoever wins hoh will fucking waste it on a floater. And the floaters in this game are my lifeline,..... I'm a the Florax..... i speak for the floaters. Thats all you missed right now...... I hope to win hoh and if I dont then prejury here i come again xx  

i love everyone coming to me to inform me that autumn and ali are voting to keep bryce when i already knew that we were making that decision together :))) i also love hearing the "you and i are on the bottom" speech from everyone who realizes they're not that important in the majority alliance 

THIS WEEK SUCKS I HATE TWISTS Ali- so fake i thought we were a duo but apparently this decision really is hard for him and hes prob evicting me. i would never have voted him out so im just shocked and upset that he so seemingly easily votes me out. he also makes me feel bad that hes voting me? like what kind of move is that. edit: chose to save me in the end still fake tho. Alivia- I love her so much im so glad our connection is really pulling through and shes choosing me over LAB (unless she isnt in which case choke). my secret weapon <3 edit: i was writing this as eviction happened and while on call alivia tells me she voted me b/c she thinks im going home well i stayed 7-4 so think again you fake f2ing FREAK!! Ashvika- Always so honest with me and i love that and hoping shes still honest that shes with me. shes been not on for a while tho so im scared but im hoping that its nothing to worry about :s Autumn- we never work together and i tried to campaign to her but idk if it worked but either way i cant be mad b/c i never put in the work earlier and i tried to vote her out a bunch so itd be hypocritical LOL Blake- MY KING IM SO SAD WE ARE NOMMED TOGETHER if we hadnt messed up counting we wouldnt be going home. im so sad, someone who i never thought id want gone this early it sucks that these are the final noms :/ Dennis- he has been here with me through the whole eviction and has campaigned for me i literally love him so much like he is REAL and some of these houseguests could take a lesson from the KING himself!! Honestly im gonna listen to some linkin park if i survive just to honor him John- king!! i love him if he saves me, if he doesnt im hurt but hes still a king. like i feel like i  have the most fun convos with him and hes always so funny plus he tells zeezo things and she tells me things so it keeps me informed Jose- depending on the hour a king or a flop. he said he always was keeping me but then i hear he isnt but in the end he is? well at least an hour and half before eviction. he is so wishy washy hes ali but wasnt as close to me so im less  hurt. Lynn- i know shes saving blake so im not hurt shes still a queen <3 lynns world and we're living in it <3 Randy- Julia Nicole rigged for him to come back he wants me out and can choke but he can keep trying cuz I aint leaving Sammy- maybe the fakest person ever. its now like after eviction and HoH so I have some thoughts. he is vague with me the second im nommed talking about hes scared of randy. then he just plans to vote me and doesnt mention it to me??? and i know the whole time and i give him opportunities to talk to me and confess, but no he stays quiet. Then when he sees im safe he msg's zeezo like ahh everyone lied to me, and im like GOOD glad you know how it feels. now after i won hoh he is trying to spin it that he knew i was staying and just wanted to vote me to seem separated from me/zeezo/him trio thats been speculated. like??? he didnt know i was staying and he was just scared of randy!! like just be honest and dont lie to me now that im hoh and ur scared i know you lied already!! idk hes just :@ i was never gonna target him and he threw me under the bus to save himself so quick and easy. Zeezo- the loml. she did so much work to keep me safe. first she came to me with the plan to pretend to be on the fence with ppl so that it would look like we arent close. (something sammy just forgot to do???) and then once she found out sammy was backstabbing me she leaked it to jose and jose was able to convince ali who was able to convince autumn to save me!! she helped me throughout the whole game and i wanna go to the end with her even tho i dont think its mutual... but i love her so much!!

JURY VIDEO

CAST ASSESSMENT

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE RAT WEEK CAST ASSESSMENT!

[ryanjamessalmon]

16/01/2018 - 3:42am - beautiful

how do you make a difference in a Life. how do you possibly fulfil such a futile desire to change the world

i dont think im that different from other people. we’re all organs held together by muscle and bone with blue blood that keeps us all alive. I remember when i found out that blood is actually blue and its only when you get cut and the blood reacts with the oxygen in the open air that it turns red. The explanation was cool i remember, but i wasnt surprised by it bc there were plenty of times where i could see the subtle blue lines on the inside part of my wrist where my arm becomes my hand. so when i heard that the blood thats inside of our bodies is blue it made sense. My blood is the same color as whoever may be reading this. different dna, different blood types, different a lot of shit but when it comes down to it how different are we? All of us, i mean. Man, short for human, not indicative of any kind of gender or whether or not you have a dick. When i say man, i mean human, so all of you who are sitting with you finger on the trigger ready to say how my perspective is flawed based off of irelevent by-thoughts in this post, chill.

Do you want to be somebody or do you want to die without anyone remembering who you are after youre gone? there are people that have the world’s attention and you sit at home on youre computer watching other people’s lives because youres is exceptionally unextrodinary. I dream of people looking at me and deciding that they can do anything. I see myself as someone other kids watch interviews of and feel as if I am the only one who sees what they mean. How do you reach that kind of notoriety? what do you have to do to be somebody? If youre looking for the answer youre looking in the wrong place, but i feel like the fact that you stumbled across this post is a good sign. I cant tell you what you have to do to quench the longing for an impactful Life, but i can tell you that youre only gonna find it looking inward.

Theres a lot going on in the world these days is what it seems like, but at the same time when is there not a lot going on? 100 years ago cars were revolutionizing travel, black people couldnt sit in certain locations if white people didnt want them to, Women were “seen as equals” but they weren't allowed to have a say in any kind of decision on a national scale. I’m not about to research the late 1910′s to paint a vivid picture of what was going on, but the point is that the feeling of being a very small fish in a world sized pond was probably not that far off from what im feeling now. If you let me sit until i think of something i can do to be somebody on a global scale then I’ll die before i stand. Jesus did it. DaVinci did it. Its possible, ya know. but to be honest to impact the world is overrated. No one ever appreciates you until you die and even though lots of people will be impacted by your Life, you never get to meet these people. You dont get to know them and know how there Life was before compared to how their Life was after you came into it.

Its the connection, the feeling of being something more than a common face that people want. The chance to give someone else what they might not ever know by themselves. But you dont have to be famous to be somebody. you dont have to do anything extraordinary for humanity, or create something that changes culture. The man that gives the 25 year old an investment so he can start his own business is somebody to that 25 year old. the grocery store clerk who doesnt ring up the 5 packages of diapers for a struggling single mother is somebody to that mom. because theres more than one way to make an impact and be somebody. you dont have to have any skill. no special talent required. A single gesture can make you a main character in somebody’s Life. To change the world is an often sought dream that is never the journey anticipated. but to change a Life; to give another living person, no different from yourself, something that they wouldnt have otherwise can make a difference in their Life. It wont be as glorifying as the feeling that youre after but its better because it real. Its a real feeling of making a difference. this isnt the feeling of working at a nonprofit or a soup kitchen. The kind of impact im talking about it personal connection. Human to human, raw emotion. being the savior of someone’s Life. Just by being there for someone when they are burning out at rock bottom, you have the power to change the course of someone’s Life. and this isnt a feel good empowerment speech with the intention of getting you to go donate all your clothes to a thrift store or any disney hypebeast bs. Its not a simple answer, its not me pushing the idea that a simple kind gesture can change someone’s Life, becasue thats not the truth. Even if i could perfectly itterate into one sentence what im trying to say 99% of people wouldnt be paying attention when they read it so my intention isnt to give you a solution or change of heart. When it boils down to it this is my thoughts on a monday night when i should be sleeping. Its 4:30am now. so when i close my laptop and plug it in for the night and i get back in bed, as i lay down waiting for my mind to slow its roll, i’ll be thinking about what Lives ive impacted in the 21 years ive been here. who have i really made a difference to? 

even if its to just one person, i wanna be somebody