#i know it's probably impossible to fully avoid but i will do my best

[startistdoodles]

I know we're still a ways out from SV's release, but I wanna say it preemptively before it gets too close: please don't send me any leaks/potential spoilers for the game!

I'm sticking purely to what the Pokémon YouTube channel drops as far as trailers and information goes, so you're welcome to send asks about anything shown in those trailers.

But anything else that is unconfirmed/a leak I am covering my ears and don't wanna be spoiled. Thanks!

[emphistic]

Teenage Dream

<- series m.list

“I honestly do not get why you’re so worked up on this. What’s so wrong about dating someone who does not like macaroni and cheese?” asked Sukuna, raising a brow as he popped a potato chip into his mouth.

“It’s not that. I just—I want to have a successful relationship with someone who likes mac and cheese as much as I do. Conflict of interests, I guess, but is that really so ridiculous?”

“Conflict of interests is more reasonable, now that you put it that way, but over macaroni and cheese? Seriously?”

Sukuna wasn’t wrong, you couldn’t deny that. It’s, without a doubt, a conclusion beyond silly. But, after so many hardships, you’ve finally come to realize that you’ll probably never be able to date a guy who likes macaroni and cheese. Every relationship you’ve had has always been with someone that either hated macaroni and cheese, or was lactose intolerant; no in between. 

At first, it was just a mere coincidence. But after so many instances, you end up thinking you’re cursed, and find yourself consulting with your childhood best friend, Sukuna Ryomen.

You frowned, lowering your gaze. “My parents taught me how to make homemade macaroni and cheese, you should already know that. We always made it together at least once a year, and it’s one of my favorite memories. But, after moving out, I don’t have time to visit them anymore. I remember seeing how happy both my mom and dad were whenever they cooked together. So, my dream has always been to make macaroni and cheese with someone I love, as well. It’s all I’ve ever wanted in life.”

You fully expected Sukuna to laugh in your face, but he didn’t. When you looked up, you could even see a faint smile on his lips, before he turned his head to the side, avoiding your gaze.

“That’s kinda deep coming from you.”

“Is that really all you have to say? I just dumped out a part of my life that I’ve never told anyone else and you decide to—”

“Then again, you do realize Yuuji likes macaroni and cheese, right? Why don’t you just date him? I mean, we all grew up together, and you two are pretty close in age.” Sukuna shrugged, picking up his glass of water to take a sip.

You snorted, waving a hand to dismiss the impossible idea. “He’s like a brother to me. But . . . now that you mention it. . . What do you think about macaroni and cheese?”

Sukuna—understanding the second meaning of your question—spit out his drink, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before turning to you. You didn’t miss the faint blush on his cheeks. “I didn’t hear that last part,” he cleared his throat, “what did you say?”

“Do you like macaroni and cheese?” You repeated yourself.

“It’s okay—” said Sukuna, but you didn’t hear it.

“‘Cause if you did, I think I know a way to get rid of my curse! We can start dating, and after having a pretty successful relationship, we can go back to what we are now, and then, boom!—my curse is lifted, and I can finally date other people who like macaroni and cheese.”

With every sentence that you spoke, Sukuna’s jaw seemed to drop lower and lower. “How did you even think of that?”

“COVID-19, of course!” you said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Natural immunity or something like that. Your immune system produces antibodies to fight off a germ, and if you’re exposed to that germ again in the future, your body’s defenses will be able to recognize it and fight it off with antibodies, making you less likely to get infected again.”

“And this correlates to your situation because?”

You paused, before looking back at Sukuna. “Not important, but anyway, do you like macaroni and cheese? Yes or no?”

Sukuna blinked, before looking as if he was considering the pros and cons of replying. As if he had anything to lose, you thought.

“Yeah. I love macaroni and cheese, actually. I used to have it all the time back then.”

Your eyes widened, and your smile grew. “That’s—that’s great! So, uhm,” you paused, “do you want to do this?”

“Do I want to date—I mean, get into a fake relationship with you? Let me think.” Sukuna put a pointer finger and thumb on his chin, pretending to weigh his options. “What’s in it for me?”

Now this is what had you stumped. You hadn’t thought of that yet; throughout your whole thought process, you were only thinking of yourself. And, there really was nothing about this arrangement that could benefit Sukuna. The relationship was for your sake, not his. But maybe. . .

“You’ll have a girlfriend?” you proposed. “I can, like, cheer for you at your basketball games, and stuff.”

“We go to the same school; you already do that.”

“Right. . . Oh! I can make you mac and cheese whenever you want?”

“Pass.”

You chewed your lip trying to come up with a good enough reason. “. . .I always have the best hors d’oeuvres?”

“Not important.”

“Err, you can just do this for me out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Kindness of my heart? I wouldn’t put it that way, but go on.”

“I mean, we’re friends and all, right? You can think of this as a mere favor; and I’ll repay you by inviting you to my wedding when I finally marry someone who loves macaroni and cheese.”

Sukuna furrowed his brows, looking conflicted at hearing that last part, before finally agreeing to your proposition. “Okay, this is just a favor. Sure, I’ll do it.”

It took you a second to fully register what Sukuna said, but when you did, you set your iced tea down on the table beside you, and, nearly jumping out of your seat, threw your arms around Sukuna, trapping him in the tightest hug you had ever given to anyone. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best!”

His voice came soon after, muffled, but you could still tell Sukuna said something along the lines of “you’re welcome” and “you’re crushing me, brat”. But you completely dismissed that last part.

You laughed at Sukuna as he continued to grumble unintelligible complaints about how he heard his bones crack under your embrace. “So grumpy. This is totally a time to celebrate.”

“It’s really not.”

“Don’t be silly. I mean, I’m gonna be able to finally date someone who likes macaroni and cheese. We should totally go out for drinks tonight!”

Sukuna shrugged, giving in. “Only if you’re paying.”

“I would agree, but is that really something a good boyfriend would say to his girlfriend? Making her pay?”

You could practically hear Sukuna’s eye roll from behind you as you turned around to grab your phone from your bag.

“What’re you doing now? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for our date?” Sukuna said the word with unfamiliarity. Yeah, you had a long way to go before you would get used to the fact that you were in a relationship with the man currently sitting in your apartment.

“In a sec. I’m just making sure I don’t lose my Duolingo streak.”

“Right now? Fuckin’ weirdo,” said Sukuna, as he sat up from his spot on the sofa. “Tell me when you’re ready; I’m gonna take a shit.”

Nodding, you said, “Roger that.”

“. . .Do not ever say that cringey shit to me ever again, or I’ll break up with you.”

You laughed at that last part. The threat seemed more humorous than it should’ve; perhaps it was the unconventional spirit of your relationship.

When you two were kids, you and Sukuna would frequently hang out at each other’s houses and play-fight until the sun would go down, and his grandpa would scold you both for making a mess of the house. It was a bright and colorful time of Sukuna’s life. And, after having known you since childhood, Sukuna grew pretty familiar with your outgoing personality and general craziness.

But, with that being said, Sukuna was beyond taken aback when you brought up the idea of being cursed. You? Cursed? In this decade? This was real life, not some dystopian book. Sukuna thought you were bordering the line between sane and insane when you further explained your current predicament to him.

So, just because you couldn’t find a suitable lover who liked macaroni and cheese, you thought you were doomed for life? Sukuna almost laughed out loud when you expressed how serious you were.

“It’s not funny!” you told him, but he couldn’t have thought you were being more ridiculous.

And when you brought up your idea on how to get rid of your “curse”, Sukuna was planning on telling you how silly you were being, but all thought of that immediately died down in his throat when you mentioned a possible relationship with him. 

What do you mean Sukuna had an opportunity to get into a relationship with you? As in, he could be your boyfriend? It was like the gates of Heaven had opened up right before him, and were offering eternal paradise to him.

Then again, it was only an act. A fake relationship. But, nevertheless, Sukuna would take all that was given to him; he always did.

-

“You know, Sukuna, I’m really grateful for you for doing this. I mean, it might be a little weird to act like we’re dating and all, but it can’t be that bad, right? We’re already friends; dating couldn’t possibly be so different?” you suggested.

Sukuna took a sip of his drink, “Dunno. I’m not usually friends with my girlfriends.”

“Really?” you leaned in closer to the conversation. “So you mean you don’t, like. . . Never mind. How do you even get girlfriends, then? I usually meet people through a mutual friend, and then we get to know each other, become friends ourselves, and—”

Sukuna cut you off, “I don’t think you really get what I’m saying here. Besides, I’m not here for advice on how to meet potential girlfriends. I think I’m pretty experienced in that department.”

You laughed, “But, really, thanks for doing this for me.” 

Smiling, you placed a hand over Sukuna’s, which was resting on the table. He looked a bit tense at the action, but he didn’t push you away.

“It’s what friends do, right?

You hummed, averting your gaze elsewhere. “Anyways, I’m pretty sure this counts as our first date.”

“Huh,” Sukuna agreed. “Kind of boring, I gotta say. I mean, going out for drinks at a bar? Not a very romantic scenario.”

“Still, isn’t this exciting either way—?”

“I think I know a way to make this evening more exciting,” a cool voice cut you off midway. “Mind if we join you?”

You knew that voice. When you turned around, you were met with the face of. . .

[cas-kingdom]

For drabble requests how about something for Greys Anatomy where while Derek is busy in surgery the reader comes in injured and Amelia is there to comfort her and make the medical decisions? It doesn’t have to be anything serious really, I’d just love some reader and Amelia bonding 🥰🥰🥰

The walk of shame along the corridors of Grey Sloan was not altogether unfamiliar to you. Many times had you trudged reluctantly along the polished floors of the surgical unit, clutching some injury or another, purposefully trying to avoid the eyes of anyone you knew--which, in such a unit, was pretty impossible.

Years ago, you would have been slightly less embarrassed. Kids always got into medical equipment, right? At least kids of surgeons who were constantly working. But now, it didn't seem quite right. You were a month away from Johns Hopkins, had aced all your exams and probably wouldn't have even needed the reference letters from half the surgical team, and here you were, head hung low in disgrace as you held your bleeding hand to your chest.

If it weren't for the fact you knew your dad would absolutely murder you if he found out you had hidden an injury from him again, you would have locked yourself away in a break room somewhere and attempted to patch yourself up best you could. Alas. Your father was Derek Shepherd. And after the broken nose you'd managed to keep from him for almost twenty-four hours a couple years ago, he'd all but held you hostage until you promised on his life you wouldn't do it again.

So, here you were. Reluctant as hell but somehow still not regretting the situation that had lead you to this moment.

"Hi, have you seen Dr. Shepherd around?" you asked a passing intern. When he made to walk over to the surgery board, finger already pointing at one row in particular, you visibly grimaced.

"Uh, no, the other one. Amelia Shepherd?" You had no intention of crying to your dad today. Your pride had been smashed to pieces enough.

The intern pointed down the hallway and you saw your aunt walking around a corner with another nurse. Pressing your lips in a thin line, you thanked the intern and followed after her. Your pace was fast enough not to lose her but slow enough that you had time to rehearse your lines before you were bombarded with judgment.

Amelia ducked into a radiology room and you steeled yourself before pushing the door open. "Amelia?"

"Y/N. Why are you holding your hand like that?"

You wouldn't have been surprised at the question, in fact you had fully expected it, if Amelia had turned around to actually see who had walked through the door. Your aunt could do powerful stuff, but mindreading was not on that list.

"I saw you earlier." Amelia turned, arms crossed, brows raised. "Well done, by the way. Meredith thought it would take you longer to find someone. I said it would take..." She glanced at her watch and shrugged. "Twenty minutes. Not bad."

Her supposed victory was short-lived when she looked up. Her eyes fell on your hand and her face dropped as she walked quickly over to you. "I'd rather you not drip blood on the floor," she said, an obvious tease behind her words, as she gently pulled you over to sit down.

You made a face, not having realised. "Oops."

"Oops is right, kiddo." Amelia knelt in front of the swivel chair and let you uncover your hand, humming under her breath when she noted the long, jagged line running down the side of your hand from the base of your wrist to the middle of your pinky finger. "How'd you manage this, huh? Don't tell me you found the electrical saw again."

You rolled your eyes. "I stabbed myself, actually," you said matter-of-factly.

"Ooh, that's a new one. With what?" When your reluctance finally kicked in, Amelia looked up. "With what, Y/N?"

Your hand began to throb and only then did you decide that answering your aunt's questions was probably the easiest way to getting relief. "A needle," you said. "I found a suture practice kit and, oh my God, Meelie, you know that's like giving me candy. I couldn't just leave it alone."

Amelia nodded along, gently probing at the red skin around your wound. "So you practiced sutures on fake skin and, what? Sewed yourself?"

"There was a noise outside and I jerked my hand," you deadpanned. Amelia glanced up, on the verge of laughter, and you looked away stiffly. "It hurts."

"Well, lesson learnt. For now," she added after as a second thought. There was a short silence after that was broken only by your hiss of pain when Amelia touched an exceptionally sensitive spot. Sucking a breath through her teeth, the surgeon sat back on her heels and looked up at you. "How were your sutures?" she asked. "Straight? Neat?"

You lit up, Derek's smug smile curving your lips not a second later. "Straightest and neatest you'll ever see."

"That's my girl." Amelia squeezed your knee before standing to her feet and taking out her phone. "Now, what do we tell your dad when he sees you later with stitches in your hand?"

You couldn't have groaned louder. If the chair didn't have a straight back, you would have fallen backwards with the force of it. When you righted yourself, a fierce look of indignation on your face, Amelia wasn't even attempting to hide her amusement.

"I need stitches?"

"Yup. Aaand, lucky for you, I think Derek should be out of surgery by now." Chipper as ever in the face of her niece's almost tangible disgust, she held open the door and nodded in its direction. "Come on, kiddo. He'll be glad to do a little needlework. Bring him back to basics."

You rolled your eyes once more as you got up, cradling your hand to your chest. "Like brother, like sister," you grumbled as you passed your aunt.

"What was that?"

"I said: like brother, like sister, you sadist."

Amelia snorted.

Grey's Masterpost

[demonzoro]

none of this is proofread but here's my ideal modern au for the goth fam. wall of text incoming, sky is blue, etc.

mihawk: World's Most Reluctant College Professor. history/archaeology. reluctantly employed because his place of residence (half-wrecked castle) is owned by the university and one of the terms for him to live there for free is to teach classes. initially hired as a publicity stunt that petered out. actual respected swordsman in the modern age but the reality is "swordsman" is... not very lucrative. really important to me that he is forcibly employed while having gigantic unemployed energy.

his ass is not showing up to a lecture hall unless under extreme duress (shanks showing up to his place unannounced again🙄). fully aware his papers are only taken as a credit filler (robin lectures the papers that are more practically applicable). almost exclusively "teaches" by emailing out reading lists and assignments. actively trying to get his students to drop his paper so he can do fuck-all for the rest of the year.

zoro: phys ed major. he's so serious about his main courses as well as mihawk's stupidly niche paper. probably the first person the "Dracule Mihawk Teaches Here!" publicity stunt has worked on in years. has trouble with the heavy focus of book-smarts this paper requires but powers through it best he can until mihawk sets some indecipherable tome as part of a reading list and zoro is like. okay. you leave me no choice.

he fully shows up on mihawk's doorstep at 9:44PM on a tuesday night brandishing this tome. mihawk answers the door because he is two bottles into his wine.

zoro, furious that this piece of shit tome has no audiobook alternative: this. YOU. explain. NOW. mihawk: a student. at my doorstep. did shanks blab to you. zoro: your address is publicly listed as a minor tourist attraction. mihawk (<- didn't know that): hm. come in.

zoro is treated to a full drunk history session and the supermarket gift wine mihawk has been avoiding but accidentally opened. he wakes up the next morning and zoro is still there in one of the guest rooms. he's like what are you doing here and zoro is like. i don't have a whole day to waste getting back to my dorm i need to do your assignment.

mihawk, fully aware the dorms should only be a max twenty minute walk away: interesting. get out.

safe to say, zoro thinks visiting mihawk's home is easier than emailing him. which is true in some ways since mihawk takes small joys in putting unread emails straight into trash.

perona: fashion major OBVIOUSLY. really interested finding vintage/archival sewing patterns/designs and modernising them. LOVES using essays as outlets for her rants. blase on everything else in life but takes her course so seriously. HATES zoro ever since he almost made her fail an assignment because he had checked out a book she needed and held it for fucking aaages.

similarly zoro hates perona bc she almost made him fail an assignment by hogging the only lightbox on this side of the campus that makes it possible to read some of the archival material mihawk puts on his impossible reading lists.

zoro gets lost in mihawk's castle and meets perona in-person for the first time outside of a name on a booking sheet and they have a huge stupid argument. zoro storms off and accidentally finds mihawk again this way and he's doubly mad because he can't believe mihawk has been chasing him away all this time while letting another student just live in the east wing.

mihawk (<- didn't know that): there's a what.

turns out perona just said "umm dorm fees? rent? in this economy? there's a wrecked castle 20mins away from campus it's free real estate". and she's right. she also finds out mihawk has staff access to archival materials not readily open to students and she immediately whips out a wishlist.

anyways i imagine perona graduates and becomes a fashion designer. zoro decides booksmarts is not for him and drops out to focus fully on a professional athlete career or make his way as a stuntman. models for perona on occasion. mihawk fully quits his job after those two leave bc they were the only ones in years that made it interesting. retires but robin recommends him as a consultant to the museum society and he does some work there. ALWAYS calls zoro or perona if he's restoring smthng cool he thinks they would love.

jfc are you still here. i kiss you on the lips

[paper-crab]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

summary: letters to your past crushes get out and its a whole mess, based on the movie/book, yadayada

warnings: swearing, cliché, very rushed

wc: 6914

ignore any grammar mistakes it’s too long for me to reread and if it doesn’t flow smoothly i’m so sorry i rushed it so bad

Writing letters was an emotional release; something healthy to pass the time, and look back on later.

That’s why you’d written a series of letters, spanning from 3rd grade to now- senior year. They were intimate letters, ones you wrote to get your mind off of a crush you’d gained, so when you’d looked for the box to add a new letter and couldn’t find it, you freaked out.

Luckily, younger you was only able to get her hands on two addresses.

Unfortunately, those addresses were the two worst ones you could have gotten. Everybody else had either moved, or come out. They were irrelevant.

Who had gotten the letters, however, were not irrelevant: your school's player, and your best friend's boyfriend. You were fully in panic mode now, how are you supposed to recover from that? You can only contemplate your options for so long before anxiety eats at you. Maybe if you skipped a week or so of school it would blow over.

“Yeah, not happening. Rise and shine.”

You groan. “Dad, you don’t understand. This could ruin my life, I might actually die.”

He doesn’t respond, leaving you to grovel and pick up the pieces of your pride.

In order to avoid your friend's boyfriend, you need to avoid her, which means you’re walking around school alone. You know you’ll need to have that awkward conversation, telling him ‘I liked you when you were just my childhood best friend- those feelings have passed’, but you also know that you are going to avoid it for as long as humanly possible. Asserting yourself was never really your strong suit.

You had grown up next door to her boyfriend, and fell out of touch with him in middle school. While he was blossoming as a social butterfly, you lurked in the background, like a moth drawn to his effervescent light. Like the sun, the light was too hot for you to stay in, and you stopped talking until mid junior year when your friend had reintroduced you.

The other letter, the heartthrob, had been a lot kinder in middle school. You’d heard some not-so-kind stories about him recently though, and they were the exact opposite of the kid, Matt, that you knew.

You hadn’t been particularly close or anything, only exchanging a few words in your 7th grade math class, but you were infatuated with him. When you were younger, he hardly talked, but lacrosse had brought him out of his shell; the shell you’d never managed to crack- or rather the cocoon you’d never emerged from.

Matt probably didn’t know your name, even though you’d boldly signed it in your letter, so you were confident he wouldn’t find you. It’d be just another day for him, hopefully.

Your friend's boyfriend, on the other hand, was constantly with you. He lived right next door to you, and you felt like it was impossible to avoid him. You’d try to get through the school day without an encounter, then lock yourself in your room to never be seen again.

The first couple periods you had? Had gone off without a hitch. Then you hit lunch, and even if you tried, you couldn’t run from your friend forever. She found you, her boyfriend trailing behind.

“I missed you this morning!” She tells you, reaching to give you a hug. You don’t do much but nervously laugh, pulling away from her. “Yeah, I came late.” You lied.

“Ugh I wish, I’m going to get lunch, you coming with?” She says, more to her boyfriend than you. He shakes his head, “I’m good.”

“Alright, be back in a minute!”

“Can we ta-”

You cut him off immediately, nervous laughter coming back. “I have a test to study for, so I’m going to the library, sorry. We’ll catch up later. He knows what you’re doing, but he doesn’t really want to talk about it himself.

After excusing yourself, you make a beeline for the library, seeking a moment of respite. The library turns out not to offer that much solace either, because you see Matt’s two brothers enter, meaning he can’t be far behind. When he rounds the corner, his eyes land on you, lighting up slightly. You see him excuse himself from his brothers, and you immediately stand and run out of there, muttering “Nope, no, no,” under your breath. The sound of you slamming the library door open definitely isn’t quiet.

You can’t help but begin to panic, packing up your things and abruptly running out of the school, through the parking lot, and jumping into your car. If studying wasn’t how you were going to escape the situation, avoiding lunch apparently was. It’s tempting, incredibly so, to skip the rest of your day, but you know you’d be in so much trouble. You can’t handle that right now.

You head back in and continue your day, just praying, wishing, dreaming that you won’t encounter the two people you don’t want to see most- but now you’re seeing them out of the corner of your eye in every passing period; and you can’t even confide in the one person you most want to.

The school day ending feels like your saving grace. You’re exhausted, mentally and physically, from running away from your friend and her boyfriend, and narrowly avoiding Matt didn’t help.

You walk out of the school, into the parking lot towards the direction of your car, ready to be done with the day.

In highschool, you’re never done.

Your friend's boyfriend is leaning against your car, looking around for you, arms crossed. You make a sharp left, in the direction of the lacrosse field and bleachers. You’re not really thinking about it when you do it, it’s just the closest shelter, other than walking back in the hellhole that is the school.

You make your way onto the bleachers mindlessly, trying not to think about the events of today. You set your backpack next to you, not realizing there’s an unexpected guest making his way up to the top of the bleachers where you sat.

“Hi.” You jump, startled by the sudden voice as he sits next to you. You recognize that voice, obviously, so you flinch before turning to him. “Y/n, right?”

You nod, not sure how to continue this. There’s a plethora of things he could say, and you’d rather not hear any of them. Matt taps his fingers on the bleachers, waiting for you to acknowledge that he’s said anything; when you realize you nod.

“Look,” he starts, and that’s never a good sign, “Your letter was really kind and whatever, but I just broke up with my girlfriend. I’m not really ready for anything serious, so if you’re looking for casual-”

“I wrote that in 7th grade.”

“Oh.” He says, scratching his head. “Why’d you send the letter then?” You look to your left, spotting your friend's boyfriend walking towards you, and you panic.

“Kiss me,”

“Okay.” He shrugs, grabbing you. His eyes are closed, but you don’t bother closing yours. You’re a bit busy glancing in the direction of your other victim, and when you watch his face fall as he turns back around, you finally close your eyes. “Not that I’m mad about it, but what just happened?”

“It’s really hard to explain, but you’re not the only one that got a letter. The other person is my best friends boyfriend,”

“Damn. That’s low of you, and I’m not special? My feelings are hurt.” He smiles a little bit, trying to ease your tense expression. “I wrote his before I ever wrote yours, and before they knew each other. I can’t talk to him, though, and if she ever finds out, it'll break her heart.”

“Okay, respect. I gotta get to practice, but I’ll find you tomorrow?”

You want to say no, but you don’t. He did just do you a big favor after all. “Yeah, see you then.”

-

He sticks to his words, finding you in the library the next day. His mouth twists into a grin when he sees you, and he shuffles over holding eye contact with you.

“Hey,” He says, slightly whispering. It might be lunch, but the librarian is still strict. She wants to preserve the quiet atmosphere of the room, in which you can only hear the sound of flipping pages and an occasional murmur. “Mind if I join?” He settles in next to you.

“Uhm.. listen,” You say, launching into a monologue, “about the whole letter thing, It’s, uh, not what it seems. Well it is, but it’s not. I wrote those letters a long time ago, and they don’t reflect my feelings now, and I never meant for them to get out, so, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into it, and I’m sorry you did, get dragged into it, that is.”

“If you didn’t mean for them to get out, why would you send them?” He questions, tilting his head.

“I didn’t send them.”

“Okay, uhm, who did?”

“I don’t know, but I cannot talk to my friend's boyfriend, like ever.”

He nods, a mixture of concern and confusion evident on his face, like he’s really mulling the situation over.

“So, someone sent those letters behind your back? That’s not cool, dude. Messed up, but I think we can help each other out here, take control of the situation.” A wicked grin takes over his face. If you squint hard enough you can imagine a lightbulb over his head, like he’s had an “aha!” moment. “I have an idea,”

“What do you mean, control?”

“Yeah, control. Think about it, we fake date. You need your friend’s boyfriend off your back, and I need my ex to get jealous and come back to me. Win win, and it gives us a chance to control the narrative.”

“Yeah, I mean… it could work, maybe?” You respond, uncertainty in your tone. “How would it even work?

“I don’t see how it couldn’t.”

“Okay, I guess, but I don’t see how it could be that simple.”

“Yeah, it could. Trust me, we play it smart, manipulate the situation, and we get what we want.”

“Okay, yeah. Let’s do it.”

“You sure about this?” Matt asks, searching your eyes for confirmation.

“Yeah, I mean, you said it best. I can’t talk to him about this, not for a long while, anyways.”

“Sick.”

“So, uhm, what next?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, rules and stuff?”

“You want rules, you make ‘em’” He shrugs. You grab out a notebook, labeling the top ‘Rules’ in neat handwriting. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“No kissing,” you start writing, and Matt groans.

“If we’re not kissing, how do you expect anyone to believe we’re dating?” You squirm a little bit.

“Matt,” you say in a hushed tone. Heat rises to your cheeks. “I don’t really kiss people,”

“Wait,” he chuckles, trying to make a joke, “was I your first kiss?”

When you don’t answer, he gasps. It almost makes him feel bad, but not enough to apologize. “No kissing then,” he confirms, trying to steer the conversation forward. “What else?”

“No couple-y social media shit,”

“Agreed. We keep it low-key.” He nods. “What about spending time together? How often do we go on dates, and are we hanging out all the time?”

“I don’t know, maybe like, once a week? And I don’t wanna be around your friends all the time.”

“You don’t want to be around yours either,” he points out.

“Fair point. Once a week, I hang out with you?”

“Most days, yeah.”

“Also, no meeting the parents. That makes it too real.” You add.

“Off the table. Oh, I’m not calling you babe or any of that gross shit.” He says. You pale at the thought, literally gagging. “Please don’t, I think I’d throw up.”

“That it?” He laughs at you.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

The bell rings. “I’ll walk you to class,”

Your face morphs into confusion. “Why would you do that?”

“To make it seem like we’re really dating..?”

“Oh. Yeah,”

He walks you to class, hugging you when he drops you off. “Meet by the bleachers after school?”

“Yeah,” You say, slightly dazed by his request.

When you walk out of your classroom, you let your mind wander back to his ask, ‘what could he possibly want’ playing through your head. You walk through the front doors, taking a sharp left towards the bleachers; just like yesterday.

You’re not waiting for very long when Matt sneaks up on you, whispering “Boo.” into your ear.

You jump, caught off guard, but that’s besides the point.

“Hey,” he says, putting his hands on your waist.

“What are you doing?”

“People are looking.” He shrugs a little. You’re eager for him to get to the point; the longer you’re away from your bed, the more cozy and inviting it sounds. He clears his throat. “I need your number,”

He’s careful to make it come out as a whisper so surrounding students don’t hear. To them, you’re already a couple.

“And your address, so I can pick you up tomorrow.”

“What?”

“As your boyfriend, I’ll be driving you to school, and home, and I need to pick you up for our date too.”

“Date tomorrow?”

“If you’re free, for the ‘spending time together’ bit,” he says, pulling his hands from your waist and doing air quotes with his fingers.

“I can drive myself,” You tell him, as he grabs his phone out and hands it to you sneakily. You proceed to put your number in, and your address, before handing it back to you.

“You can, but it’s more convincing if we come together.” He murmurs, absorbed in drafting you a message. After a moment, you hear the familiar ping of a notification.

“There,” he grins proudly, showing you the message. “Now it’s official.”

-

The morning sun casts a warm glow on you, making you feel cozy and relaxed, despite the nerves growing. The idea of Matt, and his brothers, coming to pick you up scares you a bit. You fiddle with the strap of your backpack as you wait on your front porch.

When you see a car pull up, you know that’s your cue to start walking down your driveway. Matt hops out, rushing to hug you and open the passenger door for you.

“Doesn’t Chris usually sit there?” You ask quietly, still smiling to keep up the charade. “Yeah, I made him move.” He whispers back before he walks to the driver's seat.

“Good morning,” Nick says, sounding completely done. Chris doesn’t even raise his head, giving you a small wave. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you guys.” You say softly, not wanting to disturb them. You think them going out of their way to pick you up this morning was disturbing enough.

The car ride was a mixture of awkward silence and small talk. Nick and Chris are both too tired to engage much, but Matt is trying his hardest to keep them involved.

You pull up to the school gates after a short while, Matt parks the car. You get out and he walks over to you, joining your hands while you walk in. He gives you a reassuring smile as you walk in, “Don’t worry, they’re not always like this in the morning. I promise it’s not personal.”

You nod, trying your best to offer a smile that comes out faint. “Yeah, I won’t take it personally. Thanks again for the ride, Matt.”

“Of course,”

The second you get into the school, Nick and Chris part ways with you two. You’re still holding hands, you realize, when the murmurs and glances direct themselves towards you. Matt can feel the anxious energy you radiate because of it, so he leans in to whisper in your ear, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb. “Don’t worry, it’ll blow over soon.”

For all the stories you’d heard about him, you hadn’t expected him to be even half as polite. Maybe it’s because you were faking, you decide.

The rest of the day seems to float by in a blur, but Matt was right; the buzz around your relationship did seem to dissipate the more people saw you together. During lunch, you find yourself next to Matt. You’re doing your best to maintain the facade with his lacrosse friends, Chris among the group.

You can feel the stare of your best friend and her boyfriend though, and it only brings back those feelings of guilt and anxiety. You’re grateful for the distraction of food, though, because it provides you an out from conversations.

You’re not used to basking in the light like this.

As the bell rings, you feel a mixture of relief and apprehension. Matt walks you to your last class, of course, offering you a quick hug before parting ways.

The class passed by slowly as you try to piece together the events of the day. In under a week, you went from a nobody with 3 friends to a somebody dating one of the most popular boys. Fake dating.

When you’re finally dismissed from the shackles of public school, you feel an odd sense of relief. You know it won’t last very long because of your scheduled date tonight, but it’s there nonetheless.

You find Matt waiting outside your classroom, as promised, a smile on his face. He falls into step beside you as you make your way towards his car. The chatter of surrounding students fades into background noise when you’re with him. A cool breeze dances through the air, making you shiver a bit. For a moment, you stayed silent, enjoying the comfort he brought you just by being next to you.

It was reminiscent of middle school; his silence made you comfortable because you weren’t alone.

“Wait, don’t you have lacrosse practice?” You interrupt.

“I take Nick home everyday, I have time to take you too.”

You nod. As you navigate through the sea of juniors and seniors preparing to leave, Matt turns his head towards you. “Hey, you okay?” he asks, concern evident.

“Yeah, yeah,” you nod, offering a chuckle and a hesitant smile, “Just processing the day, you know? It’s kinda weird.”

He nods understandingly, turning his head back towards the car that Nick is already waiting at. The ride to your home feels significantly shorter when you engage in pleasant conversation with Nick and Matt.

Despite the guilt you feel over keeping up this act, the conversation flows genuinely and you find yourself really enjoying it. He pulls into your driveway, putting the car in park and smiling at you.

“Thank you, and thanks for today.”

“No problem, I’ll see you tonight?”

“You bet,” You say, waving goodbye to Nick. You walk into your house and feel like a puddle of goo, every emotion flooding your body in one go. It’s only the second day of pretending, and you’re feeling like a fly stuck in a web of lies.

Despite your conflicting feelings, you begin to get ready for your date, feeling genuine excitement. Even if it’s just as friends, Matt is really pleasant to be around.

Matt: Movie at 7:30?

You: Perfect, see you then.

The hours tick by as you prepare yourself to hang out with him. You hear a knock on your front door that makes you jump. “Dad, I'm going out!” You yell, rushing out to join Matt.

You weren’t expecting him to hug you when you stepped out. There was no one around to keep it up for, but you decided not to question it. “Hi Matt,”

“Hi.” He grins, pulling away from you. “I didn’t buy tickets yet because I wanted you to choose the movie,”

“You didn’t have to do that.” You tell him, heart filled with gratitude. It was a small gesture, yet it immediately made your middle school crush on him come back.

“I feel like you know a lot about me, so I thought you choosing the movie would help me learn something about you.” He said as you pulled into the movie theater parking lot.

“Yeah, I’ll pick.” You giggle at him, hopping out. When you walk in, you’re overwhelmed by the aggressive scent of buttered popcorn. Matt glanced around, beginning to guide you to the ticket counter. “Shit, that’s my ex.”

“It’s cool, play up the pda to make her more jealous,”

His arm wraps around your waist as he leans into you, pretending to whisper something in your ear. When you walk up to the counter, he unwraps his arm for a mere second to grab his wallet.

“Movie?” He asks. You tell him and he nods. “Two tickets please, he hands his ex his card.

“Hi, Matt.” She says, smiling at him. You immediately get possessive vibes that make you feel uncomfortable, but that means the plan is working. “Oh hey,” He smiles lightly, acting nonchalant.

“Who’s this?” You can literally feel the jealousy she's emitting, and it makes you shift in his grasp. “This is my girlfriend, the tickets?”

“Oh, sorry.” She hands him the tickets, making sure to brush his hand while she glared at you. As you walk towards the next counter to buy popcorn, you start laughing. “I don’t think she liked me much.”

“Good, means the plan is working.” He says, going to fish for his wallet again.

“Nuh-uh. My turn.”

“That’s not really how dates work, but nice try.”

It feels like the hours have crept away from you. The movie comes to an end, despite you willing it to last longer. Matt offers you a hand and pulls you up, making sure to hold your hand when you exit the theater. It almost makes your heart flutter; then you remember why he’s doing it.

“So, what did you think of the movie?” He says, offering you his jacket when you step into the brisk air. You smile, feeling fulfillment while you slide his jacket on. “I liked it, thanks for letting me choose. And, um, thanks for tonight. It was… interesting.”

“No problem,” he says, sounding relaxed. “I liked it too. We make a good fake couple, don’t we?”

You continue chatting while you walk to the car, and while he drops you off. Matt gets out to walk you up to your door, genuinely surprising you. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.” He says, offering you another hug. You slide off his jacket and melt into him before handing it back. “Thanks, Matt.”

“See you tomorrow morning?”

You nod.

You close the door behind you, feeling the weight of the day settle into your skin. You’re beginning to ease into the fake relationship; even as the facade gets increasingly complex. You sink into your bed, shifting off to dreamland.

As the week goes on, your arrangement only gets better. You avoid your friend's boyfriend, and he starts getting desperate texts from his ex. By the end of the week, you’re sure he’s close to breaking it off.

When Matt drops you off at home on Friday afternoon, you’re insanely smiley. You feel on top of the world. The day seemed normal enough, for your new normal anyways, but there was an odd air of tension everywhere you went. You knew something was wrong when your best friend landed on your doorstep mere moments later.

She was your best friend for a reason- you trusted her with almost everything, so she didn’t understand why this week, you’d suddenly gone ghost. You normally talked every second of every hour if you could, but this week, your communication had been limited to fleeting glances across the cafeteria, or in the hallway.

You open your front door to find her standing there, eyes ablaze with anger. “Hey.. what’s up?” You say, prompting her to talk and cut through the thick silence.

“Where have you been all week?”

“At school..?”

“No, I mean, where have you been? You avoided me on Monday, and you started dating Matthew Sturniolo out of nowhere; I didn’t even know you were talking! I’ve barely seen you this week and normally we spend all our time together. Something isn’t right.”

You feel like you’re shrinking under her intense gaze. Stammering out an apology isn’t really working for her, or you, because the weight of your fabricated relationship with Matt pinned your tongue. “It’s not like that..”

“Don’t give me that!” She says, glaring at you. “We tell each other everything. Why are you shutting me out now?”

You wrack your brain for an excuse, trying to think of anything to get her off your back when you remember a conversation you’d had with her about Matt. “Look, I know I’ve been unfair to you… but I know you don’t like Matt, and I really do. I’ve been caught up with him, and I didn’t want to tangle you into it because I know you don’t like him.”

“He’s a dick.” She says to you, bluntly. “I don’t think you should be dating him, much less talking to him and ignoring me for him. Haven’t you heard the shit he’s pulled with other girls?”

“Of course I have but-”

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re not different. He’s going to leave you in the dust too.”

Her words cut through you, sharp and painful. The truth hovered on the tip of your tongue, but the weight of secrecy still held it down. You didn’t know how to get out of this one. “He’s not like that with me,” you attempt to defend, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. “People change, you know?”

“You’re being naïve, and I hate seeing you like this. Ignoring your best friend for a guy who’s going to hurt you in the end.”

You’re feeling shackled, like you’re in the ocean trying to stay above the surface, but there’s a weight tied to your ankle.

“I appreciate your concern,” you say, voice shaking “but I know what I’m doing. We’re happy together. You say, a feigned smile gracing your lips. Her harsh glare softens. “I trust you. Just, be careful. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” You nod, acting like you’re relieved, but the pit in your stomach only deepens as the web of woven lies becomes more intricate. She leaves, and you close the door behind you, sinking down to the floor.

All of this because of some letters.

The sound of a message coming through your phone snaps you out of your contemplation. You glance at it, immediately smiling when you see Matt’s name pop up.

Matt: Hangout tomorrow? Nick and Chris r asking

You: Yeah, what time?

Matt: Noon?

You: I’ll be there

Matt: I’ll pick you up

You heart the message, standing from the floor. When you retire for the night, your friend's warning re-enters your mind. You know she’s right, but the reality of your fake dating thing with Matt tugs you back into its tangled web, as it always does.

Each text from Matt, while making you smile, feels like another string of deceit weaving into a thousand more. It just deepens as time goes on. The lure of his attention and the comfort of the familiarity you feel with him vie against the guilt that gnaws at your conscience.

You’ve realized the gravity of the situation, but the truth remains locked in, barricaded by fear and the entanglements you’ve created. You want to call it off, you’ve wanted to, but you don’t want to risk falling into a chasm of more confrontations- from both your friend, and her boyfriend.

You try to shove it out of your mind so you can sleep though, preparing for your day with Matt tomorrow.

-

When you wake up the next morning, you feel giddy. You put more effort into getting ready than you normally would on a Saturday. Then, there’s a knock on your door and a hug awaiting you. This time, you don’t question if people are around, you just accept it with a grin.

“Nick and Chris wanted to come get you,” He tells you, pulling you down the driveway. Yet again, the front seat is empty for you. The energy of the triplets was infectious, in the best way possible. You immediately found yourself comforted by their presence, the simplicity of just being around them had an inexplicable effect on your already good mood.

The drive feels effortless as you settle into conversation with the group. It reminds you of how uncomfortable you’d been mere days ago, and how much had changed. You kind of frown at the thought, but quickly catch it. Matt’s smile never faltered though, leaving you with an odd sense of melancholy when you’re reminded that it’s all fake.

You can’t help but be surprised by your surroundings when you enter the house. You knew the outside, obviously having known the address, but the inside exceeds all your expectations. Family pictures litter the walls, candles are everywhere. It’s cute.

“Your parents aren’t here, right?” You whisper. “Nope.”

“So, what should we do?” Chris speaks up, cutting through the silence. You shrug in response while Matt and Nick go into deep thought.

“We should bake!”

“Nope.” Matt says at the same time you say “Okay.”

When Matt hears you, he turns in your direction. Seeing your smile at the presented idea, he changes his mind. “Yeah, baking sounds good.”

Nick glances at him skeptically, the switch-up being unusual. When your eyes wander towards Chris, you notice his confusion too.

“Baking it is.” Nick mumbles, leading you to the kitchen.

“Alright, what are we making?” Chris pipes in, pulling out various bowls. “Brownies?” Matt suggests, “I think we have a mix and I don’t wanna run to the store right now.”

“Wait, we’re awful at baking. Why are we baking?” Chris questions, wracking his brain to find the answer.

“It’ll be eventful,” Nick replies.

“If we mess shit up and it gets messy, I’m blaming it on you.”

Nick groans, going to grab the mix and the various ingredients listed on the box. “If you do that, I’m gonna tell mom about that time that you-”

“And that’s enough!” Matt cuts him off, grabbing eggs out of Nick’s hand. He ushers you further into the action of the kitchen, imploring you to get comfortable.

“You bake a lot?” He asks, smiling.

“Not really,” You admit, laughing at the commotion surrounding you. It’s fascinating to you how those around you have become such an integral part of your everyday life in the week you’d known them, despite only being in your circle for under a week.

You know your relationship with Matt is false- how could you not? You remind yourself constantly, but these new relationships you’d forged because of Matt? Some of the realest ones you’d ever experienced.

A crack snaps you out of your thoughts, followed by a millisecond of silence. “Chris!” Nick yells, looking at the fallen egg.

“How is this my fault?!” Matt finds himself laughing with you.

The brownies turn out so horribly burnt you’re not even sure if you can call them brownies anymore, and the mess is colossal, but even when Matt drops you off you only have good things to say about, and to, the group.

“Thank you,”

“Of course. I’ll pick you up on Monday?”

“See you then.” You say, waving to Nick and Chris.

The next couple weeks go by so smoothly, you almost forget you’re acting. They’re relatively the same as the first, save for more interactions with your friend. Being with Matt and his brothers, and even his friends, feels natural. Your weeks become more routine, and the plan is working. Matt’s ex is obviously getting more green as time goes on, and your friend's boyfriend won’t even spare you a passing glance.

By your one-month ‘anniversary’, you’re almost 100% sure you two are in the clear. You’re waiting at home for Matt to pick you up, excited to be with him, but feeling a pit on your stomach nonetheless. When you hear the now-familiar knock on your door, you can’t help but run to answer it.

“Hi Matt,”

“Hi.” He smiles and reaches out to hug you, like normal, but the smile doesn’t meet his eyes in the way it usually does. It’s missing its charm. He guides you to the car, sure to open the passenger door for you, but the gesture is missing its usual warmth. He takes you to this cute diner, one that you’ve mentioned in a passing conversation, but the earlier apprehension you felt only grows stronger.

When you sit down, you finally decide you can’t take it anymore. “Is something wrong, Matt?”

“Not wrong, really. My ex wants me back. She texted me the other night,”

“Oh,” Is all you can say, trying to force a smile to your face. “That’s good.”

“Yeah,” He says. You’re not sure if you’re grasping at straws, but you feel like he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself too. “Do you think you’re okay to break this off?”

“Uhm, yeah. I think my friend’s boyfriend is leaving me alone.” You nod at him, looking everywhere but his face. “Should we just go?”

He can’t argue with that, so instead of getting that cute little dinner date you were promised, you’re sitting back in Matt’s car in silence as he drives you home. The atmosphere felt heavy. You’re stopped at a red light when you finally glance over at him for the first time this entire ride back. He’s tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, a nervous tic you’d never noticed before, while his eyes are set on the traffic lights.

“I’m sorry,” He finally says, the second the light turns green.

“For what?” You reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

“For coming up with this idea. It was stupid and I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t be sorry, Matt. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed. It wasn’t stupid; it did what we wanted it to do.”

He nodded, but your gaze lingered on him. You could see the mixture of guilt and gratitude swirling through his eyes. “At least it’s over, right? We manipulated the situation.” You say, trying to bring up the mood. You’re trying not to make something of nothing, but his mood seems just as melancholic as yours. “At least it’s over.”

When the car reaches your house, Matt can’t find it in himself to move, to walk you to your door. He hears your seatbelt click, signaling that you’re taking your leave.

“See you around?”

“See you around, Matt.”

When you exit the car, a bittersweet realization washes over Matt. This isn’t what he wanted. He grips the steering wheel, hurriedly putting his car into reverse. He can’t linger any longer, or he’ll make a rash decision and run back to you. He wanted his ex back, and now that’s what he’s getting.

The next day, you wake up with absolutely zero pep in your step. You drag yourself out of bed, drag yourself into your car, and drag yourself through the halls in the morning. The entire world seems more quiet without Matt next to you; your steps echo in your ears. You catch glimpses of familiar faces, but today, they seem almost alien. It makes you wish you’d never left your bed. By lunch, everybody knows something is wrong. Your spot by Matt’s side has been reclaimed by his ex girlfriend. You don’t miss the pitying looks his friends give you, especially Nick and Chris.

You never realized how humiliating it’d be when people saw that Matt left you for his ex.

You settle in your old spot, across from your best friend and her boyfriend, trying to make the whole thing feel natural. It doesn’t.

The whispers and glances you’re receiving from others feel like needles pricking at your already unsettled emotions, and your friend’s compassionate eyes don’t make you feel any more comfortable.

“Matt’s a jerk. I hate him.” She tells you, and it hurts your heart a bit.

“I don’t.” You reply, voice barely above a whisper, the weight of the situation pressing on you. She winces at you defending him, but rebounds. There’s a strong desire to call him every name in the book, but resorts to saying “I can't believe he would do that to you.”

You want to tell her the truth, the lies of the situation having weighed heavy on your mind, but you know that’d defeat the purpose. You thought that when you’d ended the relationship, the entanglement of fibs you’d found yourself in would unravel, but you feel as though they’d only gotten more complicated. “You told me he would.” You say, pushing your school lunch around. She winces again.

“I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.”

When Matt stands next to his ex, who all his friends tell him is a catch, he can’t help but feel empty. His eyes wander away from his table, landing on you. Memories flood back, a mixture of genuine and orchestrated moments swirling within his mind. He’s completely dipped out of the conversation his friends are having, his grip on his new-old girlfriend's waist weakening as he thinks of you.

He catches the slightest glimpse of your eyes, one that you immediately divert; a mixture of confusion and hurt sprinkled within. A pant of guilt hits him, but he tries to forget about it as he turns back to the conversation presented to him.

“What’s gotten into you dude?” Someone asks. Matt shrugs, trying to stay involved. His eyes wander back to you, and then over to Chris, who mouths “Get her back.” at him.

He tries to pretend like he didn’t see that. He has what he wants, his girlfriend, and you have what you want, maybe.

He knows one thing: he doesn’t like the hole your absence has left in his daily routine.

The week comes and goes, Friday night rolling around and the pain of losing each other doesn’t go away. Matt’s battling himself internally to convince himself that both you and him are happier apart; he knows that’s not true. You’re fighting with yourself constantly to not spill your guts to someone, pressure that you had shared with him before the fake, but impossibly real split, weighing on you. It’s past midnight by the time your wandering mind calms enough for you to sleep.

At this point, Matt’s drafted up about 4 text messages to you, and none of them convey what he’s truly wanted to say. He called it off already with his ex-ex girlfriend. The moment she’d started badmouthing you in front his friends put a sour taste in his mouth; that, and he’d realized he was searching for you in every one of their interactions.

He’s restless, consumed by thoughts of longing for your presence. In the silence of the night, he’s grabbing his keys and heading. You think you’re imagining it when you’re awoken by the stall of an engine, but you’re forced to confront the taps on your window.

As you slowly approach the window, pulling back the curtain, you're confronted by Matt’s anxious gaze, illuminated by the faint, cool glow of the moonlight. You rush downstairs, barely stopping to slide a hoodie and some shoes on. The mix of emotions you feel are mirrored in his expression- a blend of nervousness, vulnerability, and longing. With the weight of unspoken words hanging between you, he opens his arms, pulling you in for a warm hug. He’s worried you won’t hear him out, desperate to express what he wanted to tell you in his unsent messages, but his desire to hold you far outweighs his uneasiness.

“I couldn’t keep lying to myself, and you.” He says, face buried in your neck. “I’ve been lost without you, and I can’t pretend I’m happier this way. I miss us, even if it wasn’t real.” His voice contains traces of sincerity, regret, and insecurity, but he feels a sense of strong relief take over at his admission. “I know it was fake- it started out fake- but I’m in love with you now.”

His honesty resonates as his eyebrows unfurrow, his entire body relaxing, and the weight that’s been dragging you to the bottom of the ocean is shed. Rather than sinking, you’re floating peacefully above the soft waves. You pull away from him, your anxieties dissipating like mist under the moonlight. The depth of his words stir an array of emotions within you: astonishment, relief, and a spark of hope. You search his calm eyes, being practically slapped in the face by his sincere and loving expression.

You can’t help but kiss him, seeing the way the moon puts an ethereal glow on his gestures. “I missed us too,” You start, in a soft voice. The air between you is finally cleared. “and I love you too.”

“Can we date, for real this time?” Matt blurts out, going to kiss you again. He feels intoxicated, your second-ever kiss not being a fraction of enough to sate his ever-growing hunger.

You might have started as a fraud, but somewhere along the way, when the tides shifted and your world changed, you emerged from your cocoon, into a glorious and charismatic butterfly.

“If you’ll have me as your girlfriend, for real this time.”

He kisses you again.

[bluenoo42]

How I do my job and accommodate my disabilities.

So, I have the best job in the world. I'm a fossil tour guide and basically walk around the beach with people talking incessantly about my special interest and they are actually interested and pay (extremely good) money for it. I'm living the dream guys!

As awesome as my job is, there are a few challenges due to my disabilities. Luckily, I have found ways to accommodate myself so both me and the customers all have a great time. I've decided to split this list up by disability rather than by different aspects of the job so if you have one of the disabilities that I mention you can just look at the bit that is relavent to you to see if any of the things that are helpful to me are helpful to you. If you have any other suggestions of different things to try, please put it in the comments!

Autism:

To be honest, the palaeontology field is full of autistic people so I really don't stand out. When people book a fossil tour, they expect the tour guide to be a little quirky, so I do have a bit of leeway for seeming socially awkward without too much judgement.

I don't really pick up the hint that someone isn't having fun any more, so when the weather is bad I make sure to tell people at the beginning of the tour "I know it's really (insert unpleasant weather situation here) today, so if at any time this stops being fun for you, we can always head back early, just please directly tell me 'I'm not having fun any more, can we go?' because I'm not great at picking up hints." If the family are from the UK, I sometimes make a joke about them not being my hostages, but I avoid this with foreign families because that kind of humour doesn't always land well with other cultures.

I have visual materials to help keep my talks on track and to better explain the points that I'm trying to make. I also keep my initial talk pretty similar every time so I don't have to think of the words off the top of my head every time.

I make sure I give clear factual answers to questions that give both the technical terms and a simplification to all age groups e.g."That is a fossil echinoid which is the scientific name for a sea urchin." This avoids having to guess the person's level of prior knowledge and avoids me being overly technical or coming across patronising.

I try to limit my work to around 3 hours per day to avoid getting overstimulated.

Deafness:

I always make sure to tell people about my deafness right at the start of the tour and tell them how to accommodate me. I try to make it lighthearted I'll say it like "Just so you know I'm Deaf which means I can't hear well. If I look like I'm ignoring you, I'm not, I just can't hear you. Please tap me or wave at me to get my attention and make sure to look at me when you're speaking so I can understand you." Some people just ignore the instructions, but at least then they know what they're supposed to be doing, and it normally works out okay.

I have a cochlear implant which helps me a lot, but is vulnerable to wet and windy weather. I use EarGear covers on my processor to block out the wind noise and to protect it from moisture. It works pretty well, but isn't perfect.

I probably would benefit from an interpreter, however my work schedule is pretty flexible and often there are last minute bookings, also there aren't many interpreters near where I live so it would be virtually impossible to find one, so I make do without and it seems to be working okay for me.

Balance and Mobility (HSD and balance disorder):

Luckily my hypermobility is pretty mild so I'm able to weight bear fully on both legs and climb stairs etc.

If I'm going to be walking/standing for over 1 hour, I use knee supports to help prevent knee pain. I use the ones that are thin and elasticated tubes (kind of like a sock) rather than the velcro ones because they look more sleek and I find them more comfortable, also I only need fairly light support. I recommend using the lightest support that is reasonable for you to avoid weakening your joints. If you're not sure, speak to a professional.

I use an ergonomic backpack with padded straps and try and keep my kit as light as possible. I always make sure to carry it over both shoulders to avoid an uneven load on my body. I used to just use any old backpack and cram it full of examples of every single fossil you could ever find. Don't do that. You're not on SAS who dares wins.

Trekking poles. (In my opinion) The most underrated mobility/balance aid out there. Does it make me look like I think I'm scaling Everest? Yes. Does that fact make me feel ridiculous? Yes. Am I very grateful for them when I lose my footing on a pebble bank? Also yes. Most of the time I use one pole just for balance so I can keep a hand free, but I do have two, just in case. It also allows me to point at things without bending down so much which helps with my vertigo issues. If you are considering whether you could benefit from a mobility aid for your balance, especially if you're often on uneven surfaces, I would urge you to try trekking poles. You can use two at a time for extra support, they're gentler on your wrists than a crutch or cane and they come with the option of rubber or metal tips depending on the surface you're on.

Here is my relatively comprehensive guide to how I do my awesome job. If you have any questions or you would like to suggest something that you've found helpful, please leave a comment.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

One way to have "diverse" characters in you story without sounding preachy or woke is to avoid making the antogonist a strawman of whatever political faction you consider """"evil""""""

For example, if my character is a trans man, there is no way, the antagonist would be Mr. or Mrs. Transphobe.

That´ll be boring and predictable.

The absolute best way to do diversity (if you must) is to write a character first, then just make them black, trans, gay, or whatever. And yes, to have the antagonist be a character also that isn't just a stand in for homophobia or racism or whatever. Boring and predictable, like you said.

I remember after The Butler became a hit, Lee Daniels said he wanted his next movie to be an action film with a gay male protagonist. The way he described it made it sound like a straight forward, typical action movie, just with the main character having a male love interest instead of a female one. It never got made, as far as I know, but I think back on it from time to time and wonder if that could have been a "diverse" movie done right. Where the focus is on the plot and the characters and the action and the diversity stuff is just one facet of the character, instead of literally the entire character and the main focus of the movie. Sadly, these days, it's almost impossible to trust that anything with "diverse" characters isn't going to be filled with woke writing and the same diversity committee approved plot points we see in basically everything these days. One of the reasons I'm still mad that Netflix canceled Archive 81 is because it was a series with a black lead who was a fully realized character, and his race never came into the story at all. Yes, the rich white man ended up being the bad guy, but there was nothing racial about it. It was just a casting decision. That character could have been any race or either gender and the character would have been exactly the same. Same with the protagonist. To me, that's what writing should be. Unless the story is specifically about a certain race or gender (ie, you probably shouldn't write a race-neutral MLK biopic) then the race or gender of the characters shouldn't come into play within the story at all.

[hydrxnessa]

alr first floor 2 doors thought dump, obv spoilers ahead // cheers to @d-alva45 for experiencing first playthroughs w me :3

first impression was like oh my god we're actually going in. starting from where we left off and atmosphere was so perfect tbh WE'RE GONNA CRAASSHHHH

door 1 was at first confusing cus like we didnt know what to do (no guiding light this time >:( ), eventually we figured out. i kinda like that mechanic tbh, also the ping noise when you open a drawer/locker when there's an item in it is kinda nice to have

oh the rooms we've seen so far are so environmental like ... definitely giving the mines, its so eerie and atmospheric and dawg the ambience scares me everytime :sob:

the light sibs are there :3 although, curious' had the potion which i know i put there; guiding's had ... a large .... curious .... bottle .... ? i've always had my A-1000 tablet in there, but i thought maybe it wouldnt transfer to the mines so like i took it. big mistake idk what happened to the tablet but i lost it forever. rip tablet you were never useful to me. at least i can use my rift with purpose

i believe our first (new) entity was that white screech? giggle. fuck i hate that thing. i like the idea that friends can take that thing off you but ugh. i hate your laughter. keep doing whatever you're doing great sweetie. anyways later runs we started to catch on that it would just be in the ceiling giggling so thats nice. i like its mechanic tbh

i think my first death was to hide. i caNNOT believe they changed hide's design to be that red monster thing, AND HIDE HAS MINIGAMEESSS???? i havent tried it in the hotel but i kinda hope it didnt fully replace the locker timer. i liked that tbh but i guess they wanted to spice it up. it gets faster the longer you stay in until it becomes borderline impossible and you have to LEAVE. i didnt even know you could LEAVE during the minigame. anyways died to that thing.

next death was the gloombats. oh those things sound TERRIFYING. also guide gives no helpful advice for them, 'they're menacing when they're in a swarm' yeah thanks im getting swarmed how do i get Not swarmed. had to learn through friends that they're attracted to light. gotchu

i dont remember what door number but i think its a fixed one; motherfucking FIGURE falls from the FUCKING CEILING ???!?!?! brother starts wandering around like bro you are Not contributing anything what are you doing. sick though hello old friend

also eyes fucking TELEPORTS around. bro starting working out before the update now its EVERYWHERE. eyes, screech and giggle are worst combo

ALSO WE GOT AMBUSH ON LIKE DOOR 4. DAWG WHAT. rush also came from the front. omg doors floor 2 trailer referenced.

ANYWAYS i might've forgotten something but thats all my thoughts down !!! i will be taking a sleep because its MIDNIGHT and i am SUPER EXHAUSTED, i will try my best to avoid spoilers since we only got up to like. door 14. ENJOY THE REST OF THE UPDATE AND THANKS FOR READING MY DUMB RAMBLINGS I GUESS ????? i did not read over this so excuse my grammatically incorrect ass

rip im gonna have to mildly change hide's design. giggle's is gonna be fun to draw. gloombats i dont really know what they look like but probably fun. idk about the big boy, havent seen it yet

[whymustyouhurtmeinthisway]

Sonic IDW 67 was pretty good, I liked it a lot. No Surgeamy hints unfortunately, and the imposter siblings getting hired by Clutch instead of being a third party's kinda lame (though I'm betting there's a good chance they'll end up rebelling against him). Something I did like a lot was Surge's attitude throughout the whole thing:

Despite seeming like she'd be a terrible actor, she sells it wonderfully by not trying to avoid suspicion. She knows Sonic and co. will be suspicious of her no matter what, so trying to act all buddy-buddy with them would probably make them way more confrontational about her and Kit's intentions. The attitude she instead chooses is less "I've had a change of heart, I want to be a hero and change the world now" and more "Yeah living in Starline's old shack blew chunks and we knew you suckers were dumb enough to let assholes like us live here if we asked, so here we are" which is much more believable (and for good reason, as that's basically the truth of their situation give or take a couple important details). Throughout the entire tour she's constantly pestering Sonic about how letting them in was a bad idea, saying stuff like "Man you've really built up a nice place. It'd be a shame if someone burned it down". When he brings up introducing Surge and Kit to Whisper and the rest of the Diamond Cutters and Amy says that might not be the best idea, Surge's response is basically "What? No, I'm sure Sonic knows exactly what he's doing, this'll go fiiiiiiiine. C'mon big shot, let's see you try to sell them on me, this'll be fun."

Her scene with Whisper was especially interesting, I loved it. The last interaction Surge had with Whisper was beating the shit out of her and kidnapping all her wisps to use as living batteries, so she knew Whisper'd be the most distrustful of anyone there (further increased by the fact that she's much less forgiving than all the other resistance members in the first place). Surge handled the seemingly impossible task of getting Whisper to even slightly trust her the best way possible: make no attempt to do that at all, and in fact tell her she shouldn't. Upon hearing Whisper's flat out refusal to accept Surge and Kit's redemption, Surge bursts out laughing, hands her her wispon, and goes something like "Finally! You're the first one to show a little sense around here! The rest of these schmucks would trust a bear trap if it looked sorry enough for snapping off the first leg, but I can tell you wanna kill me right here and right now. I like you. Here's your gun, if I stay here you could aim it at the back of my head as long as you want. I don't blame you. I encourage you." I love this bit of writing, and it's a genuinely brilliant strategy from Surge, going "You're a lot smarter than everyone else here for wanting to kill me, if you let me live in your base I'll be really easy to kill if you want to." is probably one of the few ways on earth to convince someone who wants you dead to let you live very near them. Also, through flattering her on her superior sense of reason, Surge subtly makes Whisper like/trust her just a tiny bit more, and I feel like she could slowly but surely build onto that more and more until she eventually ends up winning Whisper over. I'm sure her and Kit won't be "undercover" for very long but if they were really in it for the long haul I could totally see that happen. Maybe she inherited Sonic's natural ability to make friends with even one's worst enemies, except she goes about it in a much more fucked up way.

Finally, I really liked the one moment of hesitation Surge has upon hearing that the Resistance wouldn't give her and Kit a single order if they didn't want them to. Though she fully came with the intention of maliciously taking advantage of Sonic and the rest of the Resistance's kindness, she hesitates upon hearing how far that kindness goes. In Surge and Kit's eyes, there hasn't been a single person in their life who doesn't see them as

A: Dangerous targets to kill, or

B: Powerful tools they can use to use to their advantage.

Hell, they know that even the partnership they're in at that very moment with Clutch is an example of B and they still accepted it. But then, for the first time in their life, they're offered a home of their own with a solid roof and good food, rehabilitation and reintroduction to the rest of society, an actual normal life for the first time they can remember, all of it for nothing in return on their part. Amy tells them the Resistance helps everyone in need out of the kindness of their hearts and (though they always appreciate more volunteers) not a single person is required to anything to repay their help, it's all free. For a brief moment you can see Surge drop the shithead mannerisms and genuinely consider the proposition. Her internal monologue isn't shared with the audience, but I imagine it must be very conflicted. She then regains her composure and moves on with the tour as before, but I imagine that moment's gonna affect her heavily in the issues to come, and I'm very excited to see how that plays out.

Anyways, good issue all around, can't wait to read the next one.

[punkpoemprose]

Anna Arendelle and the Extraordinary Coat Room Meet Cute- A Kristanna Oneshot

Universe: Modern AU/ Socialite AU Rating: T Length: 2418 Words A/N: A classic meet cute because I haven't written one in a HOT second. Loosely based on the song Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious by the Amazing Devil.

“You’re… uh, on my coat.”

The final indignity. This will be the end of me, dead of embarrassment in the coatroom at a party I’ve tried to escape twice.

“Oh,” Anna replied with a shrug, trying to shake off both the thought and the awkwardness of the entire situation, “You know, sometimes it’s just nice being in someone else’s coat.”

The tall, unreasonably attractive blonde man before her quirked an eyebrow and she realized that if she wasn’t yet in cardiac arrest or in a state of spontaneous human combustion, it was, in fact, impossible to die of embarrassment.

If it were, I’d have been dead on arrival.

She didn’t know why she’d agreed to come to the party in the first place. It was a great opportunity for networking for her family’s charity and she normally loved socializing, but she had fully known, somewhere in the back of her mind, that Hans would be there. Of course, he would be, he was a fixture at major social events, high end restaurants, and sundry “hoity toity” settings in Arendelle city. No one knew, of course, that he wasn’t the wealthy eligible bachelor he passed himself off as, no, that was something that Anna alone seemed to have intimate knowledge of alone.

“Which is, of course, a very normal and reasonable thing to say and do,” she added after a moment of silence.

To her immense relief, the man before her didn’t seem to be backing away slowly or pulling a cell phone out of his pocket to call 9-1-1 on the clearly disturbed young woman withholding his coat from him. Rather, he actually appeared to be calm, maybe even entertained.

“Of course,” he nodded, his voice carrying with it a note of amusement, “I can’t say I’ve tried it myself, but anything has to be better than being out there.”

At just that moment, Anna noticed a well-tailored suit, purchased on her dime, and a smarmy smile approaching the side of the room where the coatroom door was. She could only see him through a small gap between the entryway and the large stranger’s side, but she would know that jerk anywhere.

“Close the door.”

The man gave her a curious glance, still not offended, but clearly taking his time in deciding whether it were in his best interest to be in an enclosed space with her.

“Quickly!”

She swore she could smell Hans’s overbearing, stupid floral cologne from where she sat on the small settee, but she knew that it was probably just her mind playing tricks on her.

“Please.”

That did the trick, and the man, with a glance over his shoulder, closed the door behind him and leaned back into it, providing extra security that it would not be pushed open again until he moved.

Anna breathed out a sigh of relief and felt, for a moment, that she was going to maybe make it through the night after all, even if she was going to spend it in the coat closet avoiding detection by her terrible ex-boyfriend.

“So,” the man said, making Anna realize that he, at her behest, had trapped them in a small space together, “I don’t know whether to ask about the coat thing or the hiding thing or if they’re both none of my business.”

If she would normally be afraid of being trapped with such an immense man, she wasn’t now. The blonde before her seemed to be doing everything he could to make himself seem less intimidating while still leaning his body weight into the door. She noticed his body language, leaning back to make himself appear shorter, his pose otherwise open, casual. He was speaking slowly, calmly, and it was very clear to Anna that the man before her had some practice in trying to minimize his physical presence in a space. She was getting better and better by the day at reading people, both for her own safety, and to better glean which people in a room would be most receptive to hearing about the Arendelle Angels, a no kill shelter she was currently on the board of trustees for.

“I suppose the coat, at least, is your business given it is evidently yours.”

With that admission, she did shift down the settee, removing her bottom from his jacket. He made no immediate move to retrieve it and she wondered if he was just that intent on guarding the door for her, or if he was worried that she’d bite.

“It’s sort of boring though, I just sat on it by mistake when I came in and I am really bad at answering questions on the fly so sometimes I say things that are strange or too much.”

That, in and of itself, was probably “too much” of an admission to a total stranger.

Every nonprofit should want you to oversee their fundraising, you’re crushing this normal and charming thing.

He nodded, like she’d said something sage, and then continued to stand in front of the door, not saying anything at all and continuing to stand in the least intimidating way a man of his stature could muster. He was acting as if he had every intention to stand there for the rest of the evening, party and world beyond the door be damned.

“The hiding thing is a little more fraught,” she added, just to fill the quiet. She’d never been great at quiet.

He nodded again, and she assumed that it was not a surprise to him.

Hiding in closets at parties is not normal behavior, something more complex going on only makes sense.

She sometimes wished that her thoughts would be a little less pragmatic.

“The long and short of it is that my ex is out there, and he’s an asshat, and I was trying to make it to the front door, coat be damned, but if I’d headed for the exit, he would have seen me.”

Kristoff nodded, as if her behavior made perfect sense.

“And you didn’t want him to see you looking so nice at a party after dumping him because you’re just kind like that.”

For the first time since she walked into the party, for the first time in a month maybe, her laughter was genuine.

“I mean,” she said through chuckles that dislodged the anxious tears she’d been so carefully holding in place, “you had the me dumping him part down, but I am not that charitable, at least not to him of all people. No, I just didn’t want to see him and hear whatever asinine comment he’d have already locked and loaded for me.”

She wasn’t certain whether he’d meant to actually compliment her, or whether he was just trying to make light of the situation, but she thought that his respectful twice over of her body from across the small room might tell her more than she was letting herself hear. If nothing else he had made her laugh and she could appreciate that.

“Good thing you dumped him then,” he replied, “and that does explain the coat closet. Have you been in here long?”

Anna shrugged, “Twenty minutes, maybe? I feel a little bad about it. I was in the middle of talking about a rescue lab-pit with a hedge fund manager that is our host’s cousin and I think he was interested in adopting and maybe also sponsoring some of the other animals.”

“You work for a rescue? Which one?”

She was grateful for the changing direction of the conversation. Something in his eye seemed to light up when she mentioned the rescue. Clearly he was an animal lover, those with an ambivalence or dislike for pets always seemed to regard her conversations about the rescue like those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA advertisements that gave everyone a close approximation to Catholic guilt regardless of religious background or lack thereof.

“Well work for is a little bit of a misnomer, I don’t get paid, but I’m in charge of fundraising for Arendelle Angels.”

“That’s amazing, do you have a dog?”

Dog guy, not surprising.

“No, I love them, but I’m only equipped for a cat at the moment.”

He smiled at that, “I work training service dogs, but cats can be really great emotional support animals. My dog thinks he’s a lap cat sometimes, I swear he even tries to purr.”

She laughed again and thought about filling this guy in on besting his record setting win at “most genuine laughter out of Anna Arendelle in a month”, but instead she made herself more comfortable in her sitting position and jumped into continuing the conversation.

“Lapdog?”

The man groaned in mock wistfulness, “120lb Irish Wolfhound.”

Anna snorted with laughter. Another new record.

***

Kristoff.

Her coat room companion was named Kristoff, and he had, rather than leaving as he’d originally intended, decided to spend the evening with her in a coat closet.

He'd even been brave enough to sneak out, not once, but twice, to sneak them both glasses of wine and snacks from the outside world. She'd spilled her guts about Hans after the first glass and he'd been respectful and kind in his responses, including in his offer to leave the room and knock him onto his ass.

She'd said no, mostly because it would mean that their time together would come to an end.

“What are you planning on doing after this,” he asked.

“Well I was going to go home and show my cat some memes. I think he likes the colors on the screen, but I like to think that he actually gets the humor because he's awesome like me.”

He laughed at that and her heart raced. Every time she'd managed to get a laugh out of him she'd felt like she won the lottery. She was frankly a little upset that his asking combined with the sheer amount of people who have come and gone from the cost room, giving them strange looks, meant that the night was almost over.

“I was hoping you'd want to maybe stay a while, meet Sven, finish your conversation with Stone, but I understand, Olaf sounds like an extremely entertaining cat.”

“Stay? Do you mean… head to your place?”

She did want that frankly but she wasn't sure whether it would be a great idea given she had to be up so early the next morning and she had no idea of where he lived. Hell, she knew that he was an introvert leaning ambivert with an emotional support dog weighing just a little less than she did, but she didn't even know his last name. It was funny what had and hadn't been addressed.

“Well I mean technically it's right here. Not this room, this is just my mom's overflow closet, but I do have a room here still, so while it’s not my house, it’s certainly a place I can invite you to stay at.”

Anna was confused.

“I thought this was Cliff and Bulda’s house?”

Cliff and Bulda were a somewhat well off couple whose families had been big in mining some generations back, but who were, themselves, important donors to a variety of animal rights and green charities in the community. They and their extended families seemed to be involved in just about every nonprofit and realm of business that one could think of. Kristoff, frankly, had their spirit but looked nothing like the dark haired older couple.

“It is, he’s my dad. I was adopted, if that explains anything. If you’re worried about it, I can go get my mom to confirm. Or we can both walk out of here now if you want. I had a cousin escort your ex off property the first time I ducked out for wine. I didn’t tell anyone anything you told me, but no one really was asking why I wanted him to go, apparently half the assemblage thinks that he’s an asshole who is no longer tolerable since his girlfriend left him.”

He looked a bit contrite after the admission, and took her shocked silence for judgment. 

“Sorry I didn’t say something sooner, I knew that I should have told you as soon as I got back, but I was feeling a little selfish and I wanted to keep talking with you.”

“You’re forgiven.”

She hadn’t needed to think about it. She knew that Cliff had a son, he often talked about his boy and how proud he was of him while they talked shop about donations and animal sponsoring for the rescue, that he was Kristoff made her already feel that her comfort and trust with the man was well placed. Frankly he hadn’t lied to her, he’d omitted, but given that he’d had Hans escorted out of the party and had continued to help her through her nervousness for the rest of the night had earned him her pardon for not mentioning that the object of her ire had been gone for an hour at most.

Kristoff’s expression went quickly from remorse, to surprise, to gratitude, and Anna liked watching the way the journey played out over his handsome features. She watched the crinkle in his brow give way to softness and his lips go from tight to smiling. 

“Just let me know straight away next time,” she added, “I’ll probably stay in the coat room with you anyway.”

He chuckled, and offered her his hand, which she took with a smile.

“I can and will promise you that.”

“Can you promise me a meeting with Sven, you speak very highly of him and I’m excited to meet such an excellent boy?”

Kristoff’s expression softened further at her request and she already knew that Kristoff was her new favorite person to see at any party.

“I can, his schedule is usually pretty packed but he happens to owe me  a favor so I will make sure he can pencil you in tonight. Maybe after you finish talking with Stone? He’s going to be heading for home in a bit and he’s already got some dogs on your website he’d like to sponsor after he adopts Axel.”

Anna grinned in response, appreciative that her night was not just a success for the rescue, but also for her meager social life. 

“That,” she said, letting Kristoff pull her off the couch and to his side with a freshly earned familiarity, “Sounds like an excellent deal.”

Kristoff’s smile said everything she needed to know. He felt exactly the same.   

[multiplicity-positivity]

hoo boy this will be a handful but. i'm doing this on anon because i am still in the shame/denial phase. so after befriending some systems (and losing said friendships + accumulated stress + other traumatic/overwhelming circumstances), a few alters (around 9 of them, some very recent, some very old) stepped forward and fully made their presence known?? i dunno know to explain it, my co-host (who i thought was a simple character i made up to "roleplay as") said they've been grouping them to finally come out and actually interact. is it normal to have found out about them this late in my life? (i'm in my early 20s). like, there are gaps, blanks and inexplicable things in my life that, upon talking with them, now know are their doing and it makes sense, things are clicking into place now, but i still feel like i'm faking all of this to cope with the loss of my friends. i don't think i'm traumatized enough, or that i "fit the mold", but i don't want to push them away in case they're real (which i want to believe they are but. we circle back to the issue at hand). i already did my homework and researched a ton (psych major) but getting a proper diagnosis in my country is absurdly costly and difficult, and i have no one to run to so i am just. sitting here and hoping for the best.

Hi! It sounds like you’re going through a lot - we’re sorry things have been so difficult and overwhelming for you lately! We’ll share some advice and link a few posts we’ve made in the past that might be useful for you.

First of all, yes, it is very common and incredibly normal to discover your system later in life. Many folks don’t realize they’re plural until well into adulthood. Our own system had our “official syscovery” when our body was 23 years old! For folks with dissociative disorders, there’s probably a few reasons for this, such as:

- having to live covertly and keep the system a secret while actively in an abusive environment

- being unable to properly handle or deal with the range of emotions that comes with discovering a system

- the system functioning okay with heavy dissociative barriers, without some sort of event or circumstance that causes alters to come in contact with one another

And more! Really it is so common for folks with dissociative disorders to not discover their system until adulthood - most of the other systems we know went through the same thing!

Second of all, it’s also very common for plural folks of all sorts to feel like they’re faking. Unfortunately, whether trauma-formed, created, spontaneous, or anything in between, denial and fear of faking are almost impossible to avoid, especially at first in the early stages of learning about your system. Rather than go over all the different ways you can cope with a fear of faking in this response, we’ll just link our previous post on dealing with denial - please check it out if you can!

In that post linked above, we’d like to highlight points 7 and 8: a syscovery literally can happen at any time, and those who really are faking usually know that they’re faking and as such don’t stress so much about whether or not their system is real. Honestly, these days we’re of the opinion that even if someone is faking plurality, they should still be welcomed to explore their “system” and will still be cherished and accepted in our spaces as long as they want to be here.

Third, it is also incredibly common for trauma survivors to worry that their trauma “wasn’t bad enough” or that they should be perfectly functional because “someone else has had it worse.” Feeling like your trauma wasn’t enough can be a trauma response in and of itself. Many of us in our system also have these same fears from time to time. Even in the unlikely event that your system formed just to help you cope with the loss of your friends, that’s still a valid reason for plurality to occur and you are still welcome to identify as a system.

We appreciate so much that you don’t want to push your headmates away! Focusing on building communication and nurturing positive relationships between y’all can be so helpful and healing. Lots of folks tend to shut down when they first discover their system and push their headmates away as a result. So being open to the experience and willing to work with your headmates is huge! And we’re sure your headmates appreciate this as well.

We cannot diagnose you, and it’s possible that you may or may not have a dissociative disorder like DID or OSDD. It’s possible to be plural without these disorders, even for systems who formed from trauma. But people with dissociative disorders still have these disorders with or without a diagnosis. Lots of people out there are unable to access a mental health professional who is capable of diagnosing them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have the disorders they’re struggling with.

We believe it is possible to self diagnose with enough research. You’ve mentioned you’ve done a lot of research, which is great! If you’re going to attempt to self diagnose, please go slowly, ask yourself questions, and try to rule out other possibilities before settling on a particular diagnosis. Our resource post for questioning systems has a complex dissociative disorder section with lots of resources that you may or may not have seen already, but we’ll go ahead and drop the link!

We’re wishing you and your whole system the very best of luck going forward. Please take your time learning more about yourself and your headmates! Y’all will always be welcome here, no matter what you discover about yourselves in the future. We hope this helps! Sorry it got so long! 😅

🌷 Corrie, 💚 Ralsei, and 🐢 Kip

[unusual]

sorry if you’ve spoken on this subject before i’m new here. but how do you feek ab the portrayal of arcane viktor in comparison to his original lore?

Hi!! I actually havent spoken about this at all but i do have a lot to say about it so i smiled when i got this ask… youre giving me a platform to infodump. there’s a lot of meat to this so i put it under a read more just to save people’s dashes, no content warnings

I really prefer his portrayal in league of legends, I’m not sure how clear it is but I think a lot of how he’s portrayed in his mainline lore is just so delicious and smart and fun. there are a lot of elements there that line up to make what i would consider a very cohesive and super fascinating character, and the only issue i really have ultimately with leagueviktor is that they dont use him!!! he has great lore (a lot of which is delivered using jayce’s lore as a vehicle) and is such a good addition to the universe that its kind of a shame hes underutilized and not thought about very much (I feel the same way about jayce as well as their relationship together but that’s a whole other essay). I had hoped for a long time that this would end up changing and that arcane would really boost his and jayce’s popularity in a way that would lead to more content for them, but that isnt going to be the case now as they’re both being fully retconned and replaced with their arcane counterparts (😞). Regardless viktor and jayce are both really special characters to me and I’ll always prefer their league selves over arcane, they’re just so fun and crazy

For what it’s worth I do like arcane viktor. I feel like he’s misinterpreted and misunderstood more often than not which can be frustrating (because I feel like I “get” a lot of his thought processes and experiences so it can be awkward to see someone else assuming the worst or more commonly just treating him like a baby), but I think he’s really cute and loved him in s1. His voice + design are great especially! My gripes with arcane wrt viktor (and by association jayce) mostly come into play when we start talking about things like retcons and character changes — while viktor’s personality remains mostly unaltered, jayce’s was changed as well as the general dynamic of their original school-era relationship (which I prefer; for those unfamiliar think of league vs arcane as like friendly rivals who bicker a lot and have ideological conflicts and are kind of implied to be gay vs friends played straight but kind of homoerotic) and I feel like while it works in the context of the show I don’t like it so much that I want the original to be retconned in favor of it if that makes sense…? I think arcane is great as an au but I don’t think it should be used as the basis for the “new” league lore by any stretch of the imagination particularly since it started out as a tv adaptation of the 2015/16 lore with things cut out for time. I like viktor being ill + disabled, I know different people have different views of that but I feel like it’s an interesting motivation for his ideology and beliefs and probably the best change they could have made for him if they had to make one. IDK I’m just rambling on here but yeah I feel like I’ve never actually talked about that here and now I have… those are my thoughts jsut off the top of my head though. trust that i could go on for much longer.

tldr i like both league viktor and arcane viktor but as a full-fledged character i prefer league viktor and also i feel like its impossible to talk about viktor without talking about jayce and vice versa since they exist in tandem with each other. Viktor arcane is cute to me as an au, i dont think he should replace canon viktor. i do feel like arcane viktor has led to a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations of both him and league viktor which cant be helped at this stage but probably could have been avoided somehow early on.

Ultimately they’re way more like two different characters to me or two different versions of the same person (i.e. multiverse) than anything

[shirajellyfish]

So I'm taking this logic class and we're going over true, false, and nonsense statements. So now I have some "scary" questions for your Sundrop:)

1, What's his response to "this sentence is false"? Would it put him in a loop?

2, How does he respond to nonsense statements? (i.e. the round square sweetly kicked the blue yesterday.)

3, Does he respond differently depending on if an adult is telling him a nonsense statement vs. a child? because a child may say something nonsensical while fully believing it makes sense, while an adult is probably just messing with him.

Ok, that's all. I hope you're having a nice day!<3

Oooh those are super fun!

Sundrop's programming purposely takes the simplest approach to questions like that, to avoid any loops or snags. To him, those are very easy questions! He thinks humans only make them complicated by overthinking what is a very simple answer.

It is indeed false. You told him it was false, and he believes you! No need to think about that one any harder.

He would perceive that as [person] kicked [person/object] yesterday. Very rude! Kicking is not allowed in the daycare, he hopes Round Square went to time out for that. The fact that an shape cannot be both round and square and a color cannot be kicked wouldn't matter or even occur to him. He could even draw a round square if you asked him to, though the result wouldn't necessarily be something that made sense. Nonsense in, nonsense out.

He might respond a little differently since he might want to use simpler language when talking to a child, but that's about it. Children try to mess with him all the time as well, and he has gotten very good at telling "The game I'm playing is testing your reactions to nonsense" apart from "From my perspective, this genuinely makes sense." Either way, he does his best to respond! All is well as long as everyone is having fun!

Two makes me think of a really interesting glitch that happened in one of my favorite games, Sky COTL. In early beta, there was a certain situation where your view would get sort of flipped upside down and bugged out. Later I found out that the bug was caused by a coding error that accidentally instructed the game's camera to display a view wider than 360 degrees.

A human knows that 360 degrees is all there is, you can't show more than that. A human would get caught up on that. But a computer? The instructions said display more, so the game said "On it, boss!" And that resulted in a really buggy, weird view. Computer are like that. They do exactly as instructed, even when those instructions are nonsensical or even impossible.

I used that general idea for inspiration when it came to how Sundrop thinks of nonsense statements. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, he treats it all the same when it comes to thinking through the problem.

Bonus: The more than 360 degrees (according to a computer) view:

[lovelyrickyyy]

wedding impossible ep 6 💍

Overview of ep 6 + opinions 🫠

The whole theme of this episode is jihan letting ah jeong go and wants to forget her he literally keeps praying and looking up ways to get rid of his feelings towards her + ignores her 🫠

So first we start off with jihan at a church literally praying for ah jeong to disappear 🫠 ( I thought y'all was in love 🫥)

then we go to ah jeong missing jihan since she had the umbrella ☔ with her at her house. she so obviously likes jihan 🤣

Next dohan apologized for how he spoke to jihan and wanted to ask him how he was / what happened to me he seemed worried ☹️ throughout that whole scene he really is just saying he wants to talk to him but it's obviously not the best / right time so he lets jihan be alone but something that caught my attention was his line where he says the grandpa would soon acknowledge him now this could mean nothing but considering the next scene I think it could be important .

The next scene is where dohan is talking to the grandpa he says he doesn't believe he could fully take over the company and believes he isn't the right fit to me this is his last pleed asking to not give the company to him and resolve this correctly but the grandpa obviously disagree and encouraged him to take the company after this grandpa says the wedding needs to happen soon and pushes it forward ⏩

Next we see ah jeong missing jihan more with her looking at the phone 📱

We got chaewon + the step sister both being passive aggressive towards each other throughout the convo the step sister is trying to figure out who chaewon took a liking to and finds out it is jihan so she sends chaewon the photos of ah jeong + jihan (that worries me now because i think chaewon knows about do han and if she becomes the main villain she could expose them and this could lead to dohan having to come out )

The next scenes are purely jihan avoiding ah jeong more 🙄

Then chaewon takes jihan out and I think she confesses to him (idk I skipped through this part 🥴)

Next something I found interesting / worrying is the reporter has footage of dohans ex + ah jeong and he seems like he will investigate the ex since he didn't know who he was ( so what happened in that apartment & what scared dohan away that day ? It wasn't the family or the reporter so what was it ?) Not much else happened but this scene will probably play a role in dohans plot wither it be good or bad

The the rest is the family meeting + jihan giving the paper thing to ah jeong and finally letting her go 🫤

I will later talk about preview for ep 7 😜 because this post is to long 🥴 and then I will stop my hyperfixation on this show 🫠

[rin-and-jade]

So, uh.. what do we.. I mean I.. okay, well shit.

I'll start by explaining that I have slight(very big and annoying) memory issue. Like, "what month is it ? How old am I? Why is my hair so long ?" Type of issues. Meaning that I have no decent explanation to this and it could all be random stuff I'm making up w/ realizing it. So. Yeah.

..I'm not sure what I am- in the sense that a few years ago, our brain tried to stick us all together again to form a normal pre-teen. Well, more or less- I'm really not sure at this point. And, due to outside circumstances, it failed. But not completely, oh no no. Partially. Meaning that we're.. something. Never fully a person, never fully separate. Like a very unhappy puddle of oobleck. That changes color, gender and age every few hours on average. But not ever completely ! There's always that underlying current of murky brown, making it so that said oobleck always looks and feels pretty much the same. Whilst not. Also, memory loss ! Fun.

Though, Most of the time I(we ? It ? pronouns are hard) I(well, not me because it's actually not me but we have the same memory and speech patterns and skills so me ? But not. Kill me, please.) Feel like a wave- just a feeling, a vague observer drifting by, waiting for when they crash on the coast and the next wave comes in, always so similar yet different.

It's not fun. I don't know what to do. I don't.. I just don't. Honestly, trying to correctly explain our situation in words feels impossible.

But, yeah, I know you probably won't have any tips or know anybody who's been in a similar situation, but if you do, please, ignore our rudeness(we have weird, indistinct rules in place that quite literally stop us from saying the stuff I need to say directly. This is me doing my best to avoid them. It's probably incomprehensible, but I really don't have any other way to do so.) and answer with them ? I apologize- I'm sorry if this is the wrong place(..and way. Definitely the wrong way.) To ask, and for bothering you either way.

Anyways, I'm sorry for what you've just read and i hope you have a good day

Good timezone wherever you are. This ask sure took a lot of effort out of you didn't it? No worries, i still can comprehend what you are describing, i appreciate the attempt despite struggling. Let's start:

Thankfully you are in the right place, i can answer every system questions people throw at me so far,, i don't know anyone in a similar situation other than my own experience and a friend of mine--i will apply those to your answer here! What you're feeling now, is being blended.

Have things been happening badly these days? Maybe are you exhausted? Or sick? Your physical health contributes to how well you function as a system internally, if this seems to be the case then my advice is to tackle those issues as first priority.

I read that there was an attempt for your brain to merge other parts of yourselves together but got stuck mid way.. below this sentence, i will write the steps for you to incorporate into your daily lives in hopes of easing the disruptive and annoying state you're in:

Find out what's going on Is it your physical health affecting it? Or is your mental health? The experiences you've described also has clear signs on dissociating or disconnecting both of yourself and the world. If it's not a physical issue, then im writing this one at step 2

Ground back It's best you have lots of rest, affirm your anxiety or worries regarding this issue--trust yourself and have faith in the process, and do grounding techniques as well as vagus nerve practices.

Keep track of everything As you're prone to forgetting due to memory issues, it's best you write all, and recheck all your previous notes to tackle the amnesia. Creating a note that has all your important information written down will help reduce the stress and confusion in the future.

Slowly work on it Be it a physical, mental, or any other issues, it's best to go slow instead of rushing, and focus on the process rather than the results and expectations. I trust you to be flexible and adapt or improvise from this current plan. Always take notes and see how things are improving or not, the internet is filled with lots of resources out there!

This is what i have so far, as i cannot find the main reason for your current troubles other than presented signs of dissociation, blendedness and memory issues. Here is the link to my post about blend (along with it's other pals) and here is the link to my post on types of amnesia to give a head start, lastly an alter guide with questions and orientation (not intended for blurry or blended folks, but gives a foundation to understand which 'you' are you now). Feel free to continue this conversation at my DMs if you need further help, see you!

- j

[wysteir]

I don't remember at what points in my life things changed drastically

I guess that's not really something that happened to me, at least in a way I can fully comprehend

They were mostly slow rolls, all throughout. Except maybe the whole moving every 4-5 years when those actually forced me to change schools but that was just a fixture of life for me at that point

Except times I remember- being young, and wanting to be loved more, and yearning for kindness and comfort when I was upset. I remember distinctly thinking that at the rate things were going, nobody could save me from the loneliness

Too smart for my own good, or may smart enough to avoid whatever hole that would have led me down

I knew I had to do it myself

I didn't have the courage nor charisma to reach out to others and make friends at the time, my parents weren't evil but they WERE old school and from a different time AND culture

They weren't raised on American Television, which despite everything still showed love and care every now and then, in cartoons, on the family channel. Childhood best friends forever and understanding parents

Impossible for me, I thought. At least impossible with the conditions and semantics I thought were needed

I had to save myself

And I couldn't really

I could only do so much and I tried so hard

But I was an awkward lonely teenager with no emotional strength or foundation learning everything a bit too late and a bit too slow

But nobody could save me, I had to do it myself

It's a flawed viewpoint but it was all I had, and despite everything it made me not give up hope

For better or for worse I always started with nothing, so losing what due to my own failings or due to shifts in my life usually didn't feel like the end of the world

But it's not good for growth you know? I was already a little behind because I didn't socialize much and it was scary out there

I learned the best ways to deflect statements that hurt me, I learned ways to try and not step on toes, I learned to better slow myself down and often try to think before I speak

And once I had that I could build myself up the way I wanted to, a decade and a half late

I'd given up on so much

There was enough "wrong" with me that I spent most of my time struggling against myself whenever I wasn't doing school or work

I remember a particularly bad meltdown haunting me for three years before I felt it ebb

It's not like anyone else brought it up either, it was just me. All me

I didn't feel like I had too much time for therapy or counseling. I didn't know where to look and I didn't even know what to say

And I spent so much time thinking and going over things in my head that what I WAS able to put into words sounded perfectly coherent and healthy

Eventually counseling helped a little, but there's just a lot that I couldn't rely on someone else for because I didn't know how

And there haven't been that many drastic changes, at least I thought

Not when everything feels like a mountain to climb and every effort feels like digging into the stone with my fingers

Nobody could save me

To get what I wanted I had to do it myself

I envy the dolls here sometimes. I envy the hope they have in Witches sometimes. Granted I don't go to those spaces. But I see the texts sometimes. I'm so exhausted but I feel like letting myself have that hope goes counter to everything I've struggled for, that I've fought for, that parts of me have died for

I really, really, wanted someone to save me

There is this concept of a Witch's unconditional love for her dolls that probably would have made me happy long ago

At the very least a moment in life where I could rest properly for once

But it's not what I want anymore

At least not wholly

It IS nice to relax and let go every now and then, to rely on others as best as I can, to be myself

It's nice to let myself be a burden and be taken care of every now and then

But I am my own Witch, first and foremost

I built my own soul, my own purpose, my own magic, my own pride

My sliver of humanity that shines as bright as any torch in the darkness

I and we and she reached through the mirror and chiseled the jagged heart of our reflections into a smooth core

I won't give up on her

I won't give up on the Witch I was yesterday who struggled to bring me here today, just as she didn't give up on me yesterday, nor the day before, or before that

Even as she climbed over my shattered cerebral porcelain, and I climbed over hers, and mine and hers- from even before I flowered from the prince's tomb

I won't give up on her

I'm a bit manic and delusional and a bit sleep deprived it seems

But I won't give up on her

She never gave up on me

When did it become like this?

Never, not really, it didn't become, it grew

From a flower, to a garden

Porcelain with gold between the cracks is still broken, but it still functions, and it's still beautiful