#i know its very irrational | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

minamaybe · 5 months

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anyone else feel all consuming dread the day before something they've been looking forward to is happening or is that just me?

#in other news - I'm getting my first tattoo tomorrow and im this 👌 close to losing my mind lol #like ive wanted a tattoo for YEARS #i always knew this motive would be the one i wanna get #and now im second guessing everything bc i fundamentally distrust myself with my decisions #like what if it turns out not how i imagined #or what if it does and turns out the way i imagined it was always dumb and wrong #whenever i change my appearance in any way im gripped with terror bc i imagine people going “this is what she thinks looks good? okaayyy...”#and this is such a permanent change so im really freaking out lol #i know its very irrational #and that i have one wild and precious life and should use it to do what makes me happy #but sometimes my life long anxieties really come through strongly lol #anyway done ranting into The Void now #if anyone relates to these feelings and has some calming words that would be amazing #at the same time i really hope no one can relate bc this is so silly and annoying :(#mina mumbles

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bigfatbreak · 5 months

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Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

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toytulini · 3 months

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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts

#toy txt post #my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW #its very silly of me #imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad #even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i #listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary #i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a #different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound #so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy #ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate #feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed #*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it #which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting #sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same #i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic #OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about #different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject #needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP #ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE #WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE #SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR #ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT #anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess #(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill #deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts #and the subject

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cowboy-robooty · 9 months

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primal fear

#VERY OLD DRAWING 😍😍😍#it looks like shit cuz its an hour doodle thing #little grayscale blending test #draws #IM TRYING TO GET OVER MY IRRATIONAL FEAR OF PEOPLE THINKING MY DRAWINGS ARE VENT ART WHEN THEYRE NOT #i just... dont want people to get the wrong idea about how i percieve the world and what my struggles are..#but this is mai personal blog i should post any drawings i think are a little cool #people should already know someone can explore themes without having a personal connection to them #shit is just interesting sometimes and its fun to be an outsider looking in #classic robooty essay in the tags LOOK I HAVE A LOT OF SAY THIS IS MY HOUSE AND ILL YAP AWAY!

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spearxwind · 1 year

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This is gonna be such a weird post but id like to know if other people have this problem as well. Do any of you feel like... really misplaced uh. Embarrassment when looking at pictures of people on your phone? Especially people who you actually know, including yourself. Because i have this issue where i find it hard looking at pictures of both me and others (my friends and loved ones) if they are not """perfect""" looking (whatever that means to my brain) because im afraid of people eventually seeing them and judging them as less than perfect or pointing out imperfections etc.

Even knowing that no one but me will ever see said pictures i am haunted by the fear that since the pictures arent like. Idk, magazine cover worthy then people will find them cringe or embarrassing or god forbid ugly (and im a lover of ugly candid pictures too. I think they're the most charming). The way that some people judge a person and their appearance based on a single picture. So I struggle a lot showing pictures of my friends to my family for example out of this fear, and i really struggle to just take pictures of myself that arent from my one Brain Approved Angle(tm)

#i very much feel like this is an effect of both social media and dysphoria in a horrid combo #i don't really know what to do about it but its a terrible way to live #struggling to open pics of me and my loved ones on my camera roll and actually focusing on them #its like that same irrational fear of mind readers (that I honestly have sometimes) but instead its 'someone will judge these or would judge #these unfairly someday if they could see'#thunderclap #idk if this makes sense but man if its not terrible.#it really sucks bc the closer i am to someone the more this affects me #maybe its because my choice of company has been endlessly scrutinised my whole life as well as my own appearance #unrebloggable so it doesnt escape containment #also I promise this is not a jab at my loved ones appearance at all it is literally just Brain Gunk

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the-tiniest-demigod · 3 months

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i am. slowly building up my confidence back up

#very slowly #but its happening #i dont know when all this irrational fear started #but i know when its gonna end #sometime this summer or next year i dont actually know #also someone call a doctor im positive posting for once #dext

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hexslvt · 5 days

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not to be dramatic but i just saw my ex in a twitch chat of a streamer i showed her and now i feel sick to my stomach 🤡🤡🤡

#fucking hate that i could still remember her twitch username too #holy fuck #its a dbd streamer doing a subathon and playing bg3 rn.#i genuinely want to throw up #her presence is so unsettling #knowing she's like actually alive and living her life is. it's an interesting thought #idk i think one way i coped with everything was by like subconsciously pretending she just didn't exist anymore #oh i'm mentally ill. a streamer *i* showed her. dbd is My game and he is My streamer #i didnt even think she still watched him....#he's all we used to watch together i genuinely want to throw up rn this sucks so bad #why does she taint everything why does nothing feel like mine anymore #and she's in chat talking about bg3 as if she didn't take that experience from me and ruin it #i know im being very irrational abt everything rn i just. i want her gone from everything #i don't want her in any proximity i just dont i want her out of my life forever in every way #it's been almost a year i don't want shit like this happening anymore #jester.txt

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arcaneyouth · 3 months

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oh god i hope the emotional problems dont turn me into an asshole right as art fight starts holy shit

#vent post #negative #day 2 of bad rsd in a row this does not bode well #knowing my brain there are two ways this goes down.#1. i feel like shit and then art fight hits and i go oh yeah people love me!! and move on #2. i start crying because i didnt get an attack within 5 minutes of the game starting #number 1 is the ideal scenario tbh. please please please #number 2 is very possible tho like i KNOWWWW THATS SO IRRATIONAL #but i have BRAIN DISORDERS #my stupid ass is gonna be sitting there sniffling and crying and going back to bed #because nobody can draw me a fully rendered piece in 5 minutes #ITS SO DUMB I HATE THAT IT DOES THIS #with any luck tho it'll just be the first one orz and if it is the second one i am NOT making it anyone problem #but until my brain decides i want to feel loved again im the fucking wringer #(to be clear nobody needs to help me with this #i know how my brain works and i need highly specific scenarios to happen for my brain #to not think everyone wants me dead. its very dumb. i will figure out how to solve it myself #the ironic thing is giving me a ton of love and affection will not fix it because its not 'right'#so no this cant be solved by you. i am simply complaining and wailing)

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sapphygolucky · 23 days

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i'd like to get off mr bones wild ride now pls

#the original word things #this is like the most intense mental health dip i think i've ever had #and it's not even like i can work through it by saying that it's irrational anxiety and going through why that is #because it is rational anxiety #just an incredibly unlikely to happen right now anxiety #like shit nobody can stop and WILL happen just not NOW #and it's like HELLO #I KNOW THAT YOU THINK PUTTING YOUR HAND ON THE HOT STOVE IS A HALF DECENT DEFENSE MECHANISM #BUT THAT'S MALADAPTIVE SWEETIE #it's been a very exhausting two weeks and i havent even done anything #someone give me a prize i've earned it #sorry its (a) personal

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 1 month

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good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep

#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out #now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself #in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational #or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon #and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something #which are running away or getting mean #(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear #and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life #i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive #and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE #anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time #there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified #and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory #and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit #‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY #it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change #i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger #being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying #*change as a #personal #i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so #and this is the next best thing

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stunie · 2 months

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Ume's kitten running away from a cat 🤨

NONNIE !! i’m so slow omg are u talking about me ?!? am i ume’s kitten ????

also omg ): i am gonna be so honest w u all but i am too scared to run from a cat > < i dont wanna make it sad. or like .. reject the cat. i usually freeze like a statue and let them do whatever they want until they get bored ??

#i went to my friends house w 3 others one time #and he had a cat #and it #wanted to sleep #on my lap #and i didn’t move for the entire two hours #my legs were asleep #but absolutely zero movement . and i have RLS #i’ll make sure that cat gets the best nap of its life #however i was so scared and they were laughing at me #i was like #😅🫶🏼#CATS R CUTE #I DONT KNOW WHY IM SO SCARED OF FHEM ?#maybe something happened in my childhood and i don’t remember SMMSNS #i’ve been scared since i was little #OH WELL #it’s a very irrational fear

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eyelessrabbit · 3 months

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cannot emphasise this enough that you can not want to be pregnant to the point of being validly and rightfully terrified of it but you cant insult it without being ableist lol. You dont need to find words and reasons for it to be horrific, you Can Just Not Like It.

#i think tokophobia isnt irrational in the slightest btw and i dont think it should be classified as a phobia #pregnancy is a life changing and very difficult event that not everyone can should or want to do #and yet for a lot of us its an inevibility #even if we know it literally isnt it will always feel that way subconciously due to our culture #so yeah lol i think its valid to be scared af of that in the same way #still dont get people who describe it as body horror. like do u not know what a Disability is.

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spacelesscowboy · 3 months

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they should invent a me that doesn’t have an irrational and intense reaction to bugs or the very concept of cleanliness.

#emyrs.txt #it’s not all bugs i’m in fact super into most bugs it’s one in particular. that makes me start having breakdowns #i so wish i was being hyperbolic i’m not. having to talk myself down from a panic attack bc one was On My Bed #can’t even name the fucking insect bc i feel like ill manifest it into being or some shit.#hey guys i don’t this is normal i think im actually mentally unwell. surely its not common to have this intense of a reaction.#it’s less about the bug i think and more about what they represent. like the very concept of uncleanliness. i’m so frustrated i just want to #not think about this but i can’t. and every step of the way involves me rolling my eyes at how fucking insane i’m being.#worst part about being irrational is when you know you’re being irrational but u still can’t stop The Rituals.#ok. bye. i need to. cry maybe.

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sensitivedead · 3 months

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#shutup sensitive #i know its the case #but i wonder in moments like this #do other people feel like me #i feel like a shell of a person like the body of a person but not the being #and the being i am is like vehemently unlikeable or says things that other beings can’t understand but its like i look like them i act like #them so why dont they understand me #i feel like i understand me very well and i understand others even better than i do myself but why doesnt anyone understand me #ive been in mania for a few days and i recognize it but it really is the worst i cant even reveal in it i dont like this #my desires are so strong right now but are they actually mine or just this other addition of my selves #and if i think long on my desires rn theyre not even real but theyre so strong lol theyre so stupid though why do i need to do something #irrational why cant i just be satisfied per usual #how do i fix it how do i fix it #(time fixes it this ive learned but time is also not a friend of mine)#(i feel like time likes to toy with me and makes broken promises to me that take forever to arrive and im expecting them to not be broken so #i wait and i wait but the time just drags out and then when change arrives its like haha NOT what you wanted! i hate time)#i want to hold the hands of all the hysterical folk in my bloodline i want all the loonies to haunt me and keep me company bc i know what #they felt and i feel for them not having the knowledge and explanations for their feelings like i have and i mourn for them #thanks for passing down the brain worms to me my beloved ancestors im glad i function like you and like nobody else #anyways im pretty sure i need a phat hug #big phat arms wrapped around me and someone to pet my head #so when i get home this is what i will receive but its hours from now #and me and that old time demon :)

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girlwithnoface · 4 months

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trying to get over my ridiculous jumpiness regarding flying insects by standing near the flowers and not flinching in fear abt the bumblebees

#i know theyre not going to hurt me! i knowwww!! its irrational!!!#bumblebees r very cute tho. moved out of the way bc i saw another pollinator i couldnt identify and got scared el oh el

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 1 year

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hiya just a small psa, first off--thank you for those who sent in writing asks, I'm going to answer them soon. also I am going to try and update Gibbous on Oct 12 (as a bday treat for myself) but if it doesnt happen, then I'll just post a small teaser on here of what I have so far of it. My mental health is still a work in progress, despite my post after Spoke No More (iykyk in terms of having a mental high followed by an immediate mental low haha) but if I go radio silent on this blog, it doesnt mean anything bad, it just means I need to take time to care for myself

#kat talks #time to ramble in the tags: i think the worst part of going through a negative spiral is when you know youre dealing with irrational though #patterns but they do feel very real in the moment lmao #its so frustrating! anyways i am having a hard time with my bday coming up because due to Events in my life i feel like #i have aged five years in a negative way and I've weirdly been thinking of myself being much older than i actually am #it feels like im dealing with howls moving castle curse irl is the best way i can describe it #so anyways i do want to be able to finish Gibbous chapter so that is something positive i can look forward to for my bday #but im also not going to let my happiness depend on that #because I've placed my happiness in so many things this year only to be let down by it all #i do want to write more and interact in fandom in a more active way but i am going through a lot rn #so if we have talked in the past please know im not intentionally ignoring you! its not anything personal towards you i promise

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