#i know this has been a subject before but eddie would be very respectful of your stuffed animals he'd know all their names

[aphrogeneias]

Your hello kitty reminded me if how bad i want to have a build a bear date with eddie

at first he's be like 🤨 babe, that's silly, i don't wanna do that, because as cool as he is, eddie is still a guy and he's definitely not a stuffed animal kind of guy, he never had one aside from probably one teddy bear he had as a baby. but then he goes anyway because he loves you and loves seeing you happy, and gets out of there with a little metal looking bear with a tiny leather jacket just like his, and he gives it a name like ozzy. the little bear sits on his bed just like the ones he's seen in your bedroom, and he's very soft with it (just don't let anyone know)

he also gets a tiny bit emotional when doing the little heart ritual with his bear, but you don't tease him about it <3

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Pregnant

Could you write something where the reader is pregnant and she hides it from Eddie and the only people that know are Robin and Steve but Steve accidentally tells Eddie and Eddie gets all mad and doesn’t talk to her till she is in trouble cause Jason keeps bullying her very angsty at the start but fluff towards the end, please? Requested by @mayahawkeluver

Warnings; Angst to fluff.

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated ❤ I do not give anyone permission to copy my work.

The morning sickness was the worst. Robin had been there through it all with her and Steve.

It was hard to hide it from both of them when they literally found her throwing up in the bathroom of Family Video, two tests clutched in her hand as she tearfully told them what was happening.

She had just started working with them at Family Video and she would never be able to hide the nausea and sickness.

The person she really wanted to tell though was Eddie and she wasn't sure how to broach the subject.

This would change their life it's not like she could just drop it into a conversation casually.

She loved Eddie and he loved her but this was a massive change to their lives, they were barely out of high school for one thing.

How could she tell him when one of her fears that wouldn't go away was that she would lose him? What if he didn't want the baby? Ended up not wanting her? Left her for someone else?

The worries were piling up and she knew she had to tell Eddie she just wasn't sure how.

❤

Shit shit shit! Steve mutters to himself having just dropped a bombshell on Eddie.

He stares at Eddie horrified and Eddie is trying to come to terms with what Harrington said.

"Y/n is pregnant?". Steve gapes wordlessly because he didn't mean to open his big mouth it just slipped out.

Eddie was asking if y/n was okay as she looked a bit nauseated this morning which Eddie assumed was a stomach bug but was panicking his girl was really unwell.

"Yeah, she's okay. Got bad morning sickness though".

"You knew before me?" Eddie asks him looking hurt and he's still gaping.

"Uh". Eddie pushes past Steve and goes to y/n who has just started working at the counter.

❤

Eddie stalks up to her, he looks pissed and her already tender stomach begins to churn.

"Eddie?". He reaches her and he looks devastated as he stares at her.

"Can you please tell me why I had to find out from Harrington that my girl is pregnant?"

Oh shit. Steve rushes up to them both looking between the two of them.

"I'm so sorry y/n, it just slipped out". She swallows. She can't be mad at him. She should have said something to Eddie sooner.

"I'm so sorry Eddie, I wanted to tell you but I was scared". Agony fills his eyes and he swallows.

"Scared of what? Telling me? Did you really think I'd react that badly? You're my girl and I should have been there for you. You should have told me y/n".

He walks away leaving her extremely tearful and anxiety filing her even more.

"Eddie wait!". He doesn't come back, he just heads into his van and drives off.

❤

Eddie had been quiet the last two days, it was such a huge thing to process so she was trying to give him some time to process it but all she wanted to do was apologise for not saying anything.

Jason wouldn't leave her alone either. Ever since she started working at Family Video he would not leave her alone.

The guy was a bullying asshole and sauntered around like he was the king of the town.

"Aww look it's the freaks girl, where is your weirdo boyfriend huh?". Ignore him just ignore him.

She turns away and he grabs her arm.

"Hey, I'm talking to you bitch. I'm a fucking paying customer. Show me respect". With Robin in the back rooms, she wouldn't be able to hear and her heart was racing.

Her first thought is to protect the baby and instinctively she clutches her stomach and yanks her arm back.

His eyes darken and he swears.

"Why you little bitch". He doesn't get to finish the message as he is yanked away from the counter and is face to face with Eddie who glares at him.

"Get the fuck away from my girl, now Carver". Jason sneers but doesn't look so cocky now and rushes away.

Eddie vaults over the counter and immediately checks her, hands on her belly, pressing tender kisses to her stomach.

"I'm so sorry I didn't say about the pregnancy, I was worried you were going to leave me, she whispers tearfully. I already had those fears worrying about if you left me while pregnant, my anxieties just got the best of me, Eddie, I'm sorry".

He softens.

"I'd never leave you, princess and you're the only girl I will ever want. Ever. You're my soulmate princess and I love you even more and more every day. You are the only woman I will ever want. Ever".

She sobs and he kisses her belly again and stands up holding her close.

"We're gonna be such an amazing little family sweetheart. My princess, me and my little princess". She giggles and wipes her eyes.

"So sure it's a girl, could be a boy". He shakes his head and holds her close.

"Nah, it's a girl. My little princess. Just you wait sweetheart. You'll see. Have me wrapped around her little finger like her mama".

And you know what? Exactly six months later Eddie was right ❤

[writtenmemxries]

silence the voices that haunt you inside

rated t | 5.7k words

"How are you doing, Diaz?"

Eddie turns his head towards the captain and takes in his sincerely concerned expression. He realises he hasn't seen him since the shooting.

He puts his hands in his pockets, breathing calmly. "I'm doing good," he replies, and takes a moment to appreciate the fact that it's the truth. "Really, I'm doing much better than I was just a year ago."

Mehta nods. "I'm glad, Diaz. Really."

Eddie smiles politely, ready to drop the subject. Then, "Good thing Buckley was there," Mehta adds, and it's so casual, like a thought pronounced aloud, that Eddie's brain takes a minute to process the words.

———

A story of poker nights, feelings realisations, breakdowns and PTSD.

6x13 speculation fic

“Are you sure it’s no bother?” Bobby asks again. 

He’s still wearing his uniform despite the shift having already ended and him and Eddie being the only ones of their team left. He has a pen sitting behind his ear, making him look more like an architect than a firefighter. The door to his office is ajar, and Eddie can only imagine how stressful it must be to fight fires and do paperwork in the meantime. (He’s kind of grateful Bobby has never considered him to become interim captain whenever the opportunity arose, if he’s being honest.)

Eddie fights the urge to roll his eyes at his captain – something about respecting your elders and all the kind of stuff you get taught in the army – and smiles instead, shaking his head in a fondly exasperated manner.

“Bobby, it’s fine,” he says.

“And Christopher—”

“—is at Pepa’s,” Eddie interrupts him. “I told you, it’s fine. You go have fun with Athena, I got it covered.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find anyone else to pin this onto,” Bobby says, and by the way Eddie does roll his eyes this time, it’s probably the fourth time or something very close to that.

“Bobby,” Eddie groans. “We have Saturday night free and I’m the only one who’s unattached. Everyone else made plans, I get it.”

Bobby nods. Something in the way he slightly narrows his eyes tells Eddie that he’s not completely convinced, though, but he lets it slide.

“You could ask Buck to come with you. You know, keep you company. He’s… unattached, too,” he says, and if this wasn’t Bobby, a 50-something year-old man, Eddie would be sure that his tone was suggesting something that Eddie is not quite willing to discuss with his captain.

He laughs it off, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah, sure,” he says, and he hopes Bobby doesn’t realise how dry his mouth suddenly is. “I’m sure we can find ourselves a couple of fancy suits.”

Bobby nods. He clasps a hand on his shoulder, thanking him, and walks back to his office.

Eddie grips his duffel bag tighter. He looks at Buck’s locker – the one that hasn’t been used in a while, the one they used to share – and finds himself pulling out his phone and sending him a message before he has the time to even think about it.

just got off shift. call me when you wake up, yeah?

[continue on ao3]

[cyberhades]

Your writing is so good 🥵 Could you write an Eddie fic inspired by the song Do I Wanna Know by AM?

Too Busy Being Yours ੈ♡˳ | Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader

Warnings: smut, unprotected sex (use condoms mates), passionate sex, friends to lovers, semi-naked sex, fluffy stuff.

A/N: I'm happy you appreciate my writing! And I absolutely love Arctic Monkeys, I'm so glad to write this request! ♡

YOU HAD AN IDEAL LIFE, even though you lived in Hawkins and many considered it a horrible city. But there was nothing bad about this town. There was nothing wrong with your life as you had amazing friends and loving parents. Apart from the episodes that almost ended in tragedy in the Upside Down, but nothing better than a good adrenaline rush in anyone's life, right?

1986 was indeed a memorable year. You were on your senior year, made new friends, got excellent grades, and beat your friend, Eddie Munson, in a fierce D&D battle at the Hellfire Club. It is worth mentioning that Eddie had never been defeated before, which caused astonishment and admiration. It was nice to have all your friends hugging you and cheering you on, while Eddie looked at you and made a polite move.

Eddie Munson — the freak — and you were best friends for life. You were always together in almost everything you did since elementary school. That metalhead was memorable, and even if you sometimes had some indifference, you found your equals and came to conclusions.

But suddenly, your best friend found himself a little further away from you as he was dating the adorable cheerleader Chrissy Cunningham.

It was something that took you by surprise as he and Chrissy didn't talk much. You mean, they had known each other since middle school, but they didn't have a concrete friendship like yours. That relationship coming up all of a sudden was kind of weird but if Eddie were happy, you were happy too.

— The club's a little out, where's Eddie? — Gareth said, eating a piece of his pudding.

— He's spending time with Chrissy, give him a break — you said, straightening your Hellfire shirt that was a bit rumpled on your body.

— The problem isn't Chrissy, it's just that she seems to be the only one in the world and he left us out — Mike complained, sipping his boxed orange juice.

— I think this is normal, he is in love — you replied, smoothing your hair.

— With all the respect in the world, Eddie is not in love with Chrissy — Dustin simply spoke.

Gareth, Mike and you all turned to him who was sitting at one end of the table. The three of you were shocked, but he was at his best and he was very calm. This was all very strange, because if he wasn't in love with Chrissy, why was he dating her?

That was a very strange and even dubious subject, if you could put it that way. In the end you just took your tray and wanted to act like nothing happened. And mostly, as if what Dustin said hadn't been totally bizarre.

The bell rang and that meant it was time for the boring philosophy class with that weird teacher who didn't know how to explain the subject well. After the philosophy class that felt like an eternity, you went to your locker to put away a few things.

— I'm still thinking about what Dustin said at lunch... — Gareth stopped right beside you, opening and taking things from his locker that was right next to yours. You liked to say you were locker neighbors.

— There's not much to think about Gareth. Dustin's just jealous because Eddie's been hanging out with his girlfriend and has left us a little on the sidelines. But these things do happen... I mean it's okay.

— Man, if you think about it, it's true... like, he just approached Chrissy out of the blue and started dating with her after she broke up with Jason. Like, there's no time to fall in love that fast! — Gareth was still confused and looking for answers. He would look for those answers where they were needed, but he would find a reason.

— Gareth, I think you need to go home and put this thing aside for a bit — you laughed. You were also curious about good gossip and finding reasons just like he was, but you would not give in because Eddie was your best friend.

What Dustin said at lunchtime made sense, and what Gareth said as you grabbed things from the locker in the hallway made sense, too. It was weird seeing Eddie with Chrissy, starting with the fact that he's never liked girls like her, but we can't base love on looks or style either. And it was like Gareth said, it was really out of the blue.

You know he'd known Chrissy for a long time, since middle school. But they weren't friends before, not the way you two were, they just exchanged a few words here and there, did some work together but nothing more. And why would he be falling in love with Chrissy Cunningham out of nowhere?

That night things could change. And it would indeed change because you would have the answer to the questions you so long waited for. While in the living room, you heard the landline ring.

— Hello? — you answered, waiting for the answer. Nobody could call you this late if it wasn't Eddie.

— Hi darling — he said a little apprehensively, as if something bad had just happened.

— Is everything okay? Did something happen?

— I just need to talk. You can come here? or I can go there.

— I'll get the car keys. Don't worry, I'm coming! — you replied already taking the car keys that were on a hook on the wall.

You hung up the phone and took your car keys. On the way you thought about several things, you had known Eddie for many years and you knew when he was hiding something or wanted to say something important. And after hearing his voice on the phone you knew exactly that he had something important to say, you just wanted it to be nothing bad.

In the middle of the trees there was a path you could drive you car through and it was approaching the trailer where Eddie lived with his uncle. You parked in front and got out of the vehicle. Eddie was sitting on the small steps that helped him up and stubbed out a cigarette, stepping on it with his white sneakers.

You left the key in the ignition, and you left only the headlights on as you climbed out of the vehicle and went to see why Munson was crestfallen. He smiled at you. But it was a kind of sad smile and it broke your heart.

You didn't have to go to him. He came to you, and you sat on the hood of your car, looking at him.

Immediately Eddie hugged you. A hug that referred to sadness and maybe longing because there were days that you didn't see each other, since he started dating Chrissy you stopped seeing each other with a certain frequency. And this frequency was decreasing and decreasing until you practically didn't see each other at school anymore, considering you didn't even have classes together.

The metalhead took a deep breath and pressed you a little against him. It's been a while since you hugged him, but to be honest, you've never hugged him with as much emotion as you were hugging him now. Your hands were subtly caressing his back and his were doing the same to your back.

So far you hadn't said anything. And you wanted to break this silence. 'Cause believe me, the silence between you was screaming.

— Will you tell me what happened? — you left a kiss on his uncovered shoulder.

It was spring. It wasn't as hot as it was on summer days but the freezing winter weather wasn't there either. That climate was suitable for clothes without much "cloth".

Eddie, for example, was wearing jeans and a white tank top. And you were wearing a loose white dress with delicate straps and a red all star.

— I broke up with Chrissy... — he said in a sad tone, but not as sad as the tone of voice of someone who has just broken up with the person they love.

You slid your hands up his arm, pulling away from the hug so you could see his face. The unruly hair falling over his face made him beautiful.

— What!? Why!?

— My relationship with Chrissy was a terrible thing from the beginning, it's hard to explain. But it was something that was only hurting us... — Eddie seemed to want to hesitate whatever he said.

— But in the end it all went well?

— Yup! She understands me because she was feeling the same as I was.

— I'm so sorry... new relationships will come... — you tried to comfort him any way you could. — But... did you really love Chrissy? I mean, I know it seems like I'm intruding too much, but it's always been really weird.

— No... — he replied firmly.

— No?

— Yeah... you know... I tried to love her but I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new.

He said in a sure way looking at you passionately. At the time you didn't know how to react, you never imagined having that kind of conversation with Eddie, not even in some crazy dream one night. It was weird that he had told you that, you could just pretend he was bluffing.

Your heart was beating a mile a minute and it felt like at any moment your chest was going to explode. It was nervousness mixed with anxiety.

— Have you just got colour in your cheeks? — he laughed silly.

Your cheeks were heating up, as if they were going to combust, and it was obvious he'd noticed that. His effect on you was surreal.

— Eddie... I... — you weren't able to contextualize a sentence because the feelings were screaming louder.

— I dreamt about you nearly every night this week... because I always wanted to talk to you about it but I was distant and the distance seemed to remind me all the time that I have to take responsibility for my feelings. I'll never get along with anyone because I'll always be crawling back to you... so... — he took a deep breath and closed his eyes before continuing. — I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

You didn't say anything because it seemed that all your feelings contained during these years could not be described in words. Simple and silly words.

You immediately pulled him by the shirt so you could bring your lips to his. Fulfilled a dream you've been wanting for a long time, not just you, but he wanted for a long time too. His lips on yours had you completely mesmerized, waiting for more every moment.

— Yeah, this feeling goes both ways... — you said catching some air due to a break in that hot, sensual kiss.

That was more than enough to make Eddie smile and pull you in for another kiss. Your hands were around his neck and his big, warm hands with icy, detailed rings held your thighs around his hips. The kissing noises were making both of you horny, mixed with some moans that were impossible to control.

Eddie's sly tongue explored every corner of your mouth masterfully, making you feel extremely comfortable and also very desired. Desired in a way you've never felt in your life. You could not help but feel totally protected and loved in Eddie Munson's arms.

You held the wavy brown haired metalhead's arms and you could feel his biceps. Dear God, that man really was a work of art.

He started to lean you a little over the hood of the car and continued to kiss you. A needy, passionate kiss. His warm kisses slid down your neck to your collarbone. He watched you as he ran his fingers through the thin straps of your dress.

— Can I? — he asked sweetly. Looking at you with those chocolate eyes.

— Yes...

You two weren't virgins anymore. Not losing your virginity to each other as you had in your dreams but that was something to be disregarded. The important thing was to enjoy the moment you were having now, and the countless moments you would have later.

Fingers nimble from years of experience as a guitarist slipped the straps of your dress down to your abdomen. Now your breasts were fully uncovered and your nipples were tight. All because of him.

— Fuck... — he cursed hoarsely as he looked at your body.

He placed gentle kisses on your breasts, smacking kisses. The kisses went to your nipples, and he started sucking on them. He masterfully sucked one while massaging the other, making you grab those wavy hairs of his.

— Oh my God... — you rolled your eyes and moaned in response to his caresses.

— Do you like it? — he asked. His hot breath was against the skin of your chest and he also lightly bit your nipple.

— I love it... — you moaned at that sudden touch already feeling your panties get soaked.

He went down a trail of kisses down your belly, until he reached the part where were the dress. You held his shoulder and he immediately looked at you.

— I need you inside of me, please Eddie... — you asked a little shy. It was weird to be saying lewd things to him when you'd been best friends all your lives.

— Are you sure? — Eddie didn't want to take advantage of the situation. He wanted you to feel comfortable doing that with him. As much as he dreamed of doing to you.

— Yes honey, I am... — the fact that you called him "honey" turned him on and also made him feel warm in his chest.

That warmth in his chest was the love that blossomed more by the second. The overwhelming and uncontrollable passion.

Reaching the skirt of your dress, he slid the fabric until it was just above your panties. The moment he saw the libido stain on your panties he felt his cock throb inside his pants, even more than before. He was extremely horny, and it was your fault.

— Is this all for me? — he smiled slyly.

— Yes... it is... — you replied kind of awkwardly. You were too exposed to him, exposed in a way you've never been before.

His fingers slid down the sides of your panties, and he tugged them down your legs, off your body in the blink of an eye. Now he had that thin piece of fabric in his hands as he watched your sex dripping with excitement over him.

— You can't imagine how much I dreamed of making you all mine...

He stuffed your panties into his jeans pocket and started unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans right away. When he lowered his pants along with his underwear, his cock was near his stomach. His hard cock was melted with pre-cum.

— You can make me yours now... — you said a little shy, but very sure of what you wanted.

He held his cock by the base, penetrating your wet, hot, tight insides afterward. A moan of satisfaction left the metalhead's lips and a muffled, surprised moan left your lips. It was being so good to be with him like this that it felt more like a lie. You could never imagine that sex with Eddie Munson would feel this good.

He waited a minute for you to adjust to his size. Eddie wasn't small and that could hurt you, but he knew how to use it properly. If you were told that tonight you would be lying on the hood of your car having sex with Eddie Munson in front of his trailer you would say it was impossible.

His hands were gripping your thighs and he was lying on top of you, kissing your neck to make you feel as loved as possible. Because he loved you a lot. He never thought he could love anyone as much as he loves you.

— You feel so good... holy fuck... — you swore as he placed kisses on your neck.

You hugged his back while he could delight in feeling your bare nipples being lightly rubbed against his chest covered by the white tank top he wore.

— Making love to you feels so good princess... — he whispered against your ear.

The subtle sound of your bodies was enough to make the two of you thirsty for more. Your skin was so hot you felt like you were going to catch fire and that would consume your bodies like flames in a fire. It was impossible not to feel in heaven with that.

He slid his hands over your body with all the affection in the world, as they were now squeezing your breasts, now they were in the curve of your waist and now they were on your thighs. He was careful and he was being even more so because he had the love of his life in his arms.

— I love you, Y/N — he said getting close to an orgasm in a slightly sly voice.

— I-I love you too, Eddie — you said in a slightly slurred voice.

It was a very crazy mix of sensations. You were horny to have him inside you and you were thrilled to know that you were loved by him as you always wanted.

— C-Can I come inside you? — he asked between moans.

— Y-Yeah... — you said with difficulty, feeling the knot in your stomach being vulnerable. At any moment it would burst. — Eddie, I'm gonna come... I'm very close...

— I'm close too... please, please come while kissing me please — he said it in a sly, desperate tone that made you horny.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him and bringing him into a passionate kiss as he thrusts you. The smacks of the kiss were mixed with your needy moans. And it didn't take long for you to come on his cock, moaning against his mouth as you hugged his back.

And he came inside you, filling you the way you wanted, and he wanted too. The thrusts got more sloppy until he stopped and pulled out of you.

At that moment both were panting and he had his head on your chest while you stroked his hair. He'd already slipped on the jeans and had already helped you hide your nudity with your thin dress.

— Are you happy? — he asked, placing a kiss on your breast covered by the fabric of the dress.

— I am — you hid your face in the crook of his neck. — And you, are you happy?

— Me? I'm happy like I've never been before! — he replied, looking at you passionately. — I love you.

— I love you too.

— A lot... — he added to what he had said before.

— A lot... — you added what you said too.

And so he brought his hand up to your cheek, pulling you into another passionate, slow kiss. There was no other word that could describe that night other than "perfect".

[...]

TAGLIST 𓆩♡𓆪

@eddiemunsons-girl @tvandfanfic @chaoticmunson @iliveforotps @queenariesofnarnia @maxmavfield @mayfieldsqueen @eddiemuns0nswig @kellynickelsgirl00 @hellfireswhxre

[huggybug]

what happens in vegas… - mark estapa

word count: 2.4k words

“He’s fine” 

“No he’s not” You argue, “He’s just saying he is” Luke sighed as he watched you type furiously on your phone.

“Have you talked to him? Has anyone?” You were supposed to be in Montreal with him but you had to cancel last minute and Mark assured you it was okay but you still felt horrible. So, you were at home, in Michigan, watching the draft with Luke.

“I haven’t since a couple hours ago but I’m sure Eddy’s talked to him” Luke nods, pulling out his phone, presumably to text Ethan. You’re about to ask what you should do for Mark when your phone starts ringing. You don’t have to look to know who it is; excusing yourself from Luke, you walk down the hall, away from everyone so that you can talk to Mark in private.

“Hey Marky” You answer quietly, unsure what mood your best friend would be in.

“Were you watching?” His voice is rough and you feel a sharp pang hit your heart.

“Yeah-”

“You shouldn’t have. It was a waste”

“Mark…” You sighed.

“Don’t try to make me feel better, okay? I just… I don’t want to think about it anymore” You knew better than to push your luck with this so you bit your tongue, changing the subject instead.

“You’ll be home tonight, right?”

“Yup, heading to the airport now”

“Okay” You let out a breath, “See you later then”

…

Three solid knocks on your front door sent you running through your house, desperate to see your best friend.

“Hey- woah!” Mark stumbled back when you flung yourself into his arms. “What’s going on?”

“I missed you and I know you don’t want to talk about it but I’m sorry, I really wish things had gone better” You could feel him deflate in your arms but it was only for a second before he squeezed you tight.

“I missed you too” It had only been about a week since you last saw him. “But I actually have some news”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm can I come in or do I have to tell you out here?” You rolled your eyes, dragging him into your house. You two ended up in the kitchen and you slid a drink to him, waiting for him to crack it open before he finally tells you the news. “I was invited to Vegas for development camp”

Your eyes widen and your arms shoot up in the air in excitement. “Mark! That’s amazing!” You hug him quickly and he laughs, thanking you in between.

“Yeah it’s next week so…”

“You’ll be gone next week?” You ask, feeling almost a little dejected. Although you’re quick to stuff that down because it’s not fair, Mark’s doing big things, really important things and you shouldn’t be upset with him for missing something as silly as your birthday.

“I know we were going to go to Toronto with everyone but…” You we’re officially going to be legal in Canada so Brendan decided months ago that your birthday trip would be to Toronto and everyone would meet there for a few days. The plans weren’t very well thought out since a lot of the guys would be at their respective development camp but you were still excited to go be with some of your friends again.

“What? No, c’mon it’s fine!” You waved your hand, smiling as if that would make your words more true. It was fine. You weren’t going to stop him from following his dreams just so you could go drink in Canada.

“Y/n…” He said quietly. You could tell he felt bad and you absolutely hated it.

“Mark…” You mocked right back at him. “I’m serious, we can go another time, it’s not a big deal”

“Why don’t you come with me?” Mark’s eyes lit up, as if he just came up with it on the spot.

“What?”

“My parents can’t go so I was just going alone but you should come! I mean you won’t be able to legally drink but… Moyle’s gonna be there! He can get us shit and we’ll party in the hotel room” Mark’s mind was running a mile a minute, the plan unfolding as he spoke.

“Nolan’s going?” You ask, confused as ever.

“Yeah and Briss will be there. C’mon Y/n/n it’ll be fun!” You’re pretty sure he was already looking for flights so there was no point in saying no.

“Okay fuck it let’s go to Vegas” You still had to talk to your parents but with how much they love Mark, you’re sure there would be no problem.

…

“You’re so stupid” Luke groaned over facetime that night. He was busy training for his World Juniors tryout camp but as soon as he got the text about your impromptu trip, you had an incoming call.

“Wha- Luke!” You whined which made him laugh.

“Sorry, you and Mark are stupid” Luke said with a grin. “Do you really think this is going to end well?” He asks, raising an eyebrow and when you don’t answer right away, he must take it as you don’t understand because he kindly begins to explain it to you. “You’re going to Vegas. With Mark. Mark Estapa, the guy you’ve liked since you met him but have been too scared to make a move”

Okay so maybe you liked Mark. He was a good guy, he took care of you at school and made sure you got home safe from parties, even if it meant walking across campus in the dead of winter. Mark was… he was your best friend but your relationship with him was very different than your relationship with Luke, your other best friend.

“I’m not scared” You weakly defend.

“Yeah okay” Luke scoffed.

“I’m going to Vegas with my best friend and you’re not ruining it for me”

“I’m not stopping you… just don’t make me say ‘I told you so’ when you come home” Luke said with a smirk.

“What exactly are you telling me Hughesy?” You sigh, not sure if you actually want to hear any more from him.

“If you go on this trip, you’re not coming out of it single” You laughed. Loudly.

“I managed a whole school year Luke, I’ll be fine” Luke shrugged, shaking his head.

“Alright say hi to Mark for me, unless you’re too busy kissing then don’t worry about it”

“Goodbye Luke” You say, rolling your eyes as you hang up.

…

“Welcome to Vegas, Baby!” Brendan yells as he slings an arm around you, dragging you out of the airport while Mark trails behind, dragging both of your suitcases.

“Where’s Nolan? Is he here already?” You ask as you watch the boys pack all the bags into the back of Brendan’s car.

“You just saw me for the first time in months and you’re asking about Moyle?” Brendan asks, offended.

Mark laughs and you smile, sliding into the seat next to him as Brendan gets in the drivers seat, taking a double take at the empty passengers seat beside him.

“What am I? A fucking Uber?” Brendan shrieks. “Ugh I didn’t know I’d be signing up for a week with the lovebirds, you guys are even worse than you were in AA, now you can’t be separated in the same car?” Luckily, the playful teasing from your friends wasn’t anything new but that didn’t stop you both from blushing.

You stayed quiet, watching out the window as the Las Vegas Strip came into view. Brendan talked almost the whole drive with Mark answering whenever he could get a word in.

Brendan helped you guys cart your stuff up to your room before disappearing, promising he’d be back later with Steve and Nolan, ready to celebrate your birthday. You asked him to bring along any other cute boys he found along the way; he laughed, Mark scowled.

…

“Happy Birthday to Y/n!” You winced as the boys serenaded you fairly off key but you clapped at the end anyways.

“Now drink!” Brendan cheered, sliding shots in front of each of you.

Your little birthday party had been going on for a couple hours now. Brendan had been forcing everyone to take a shot every 20 minutes, it was like he had a timer going. Nolan and Steve were honestly almost passed out on the couch while you sat with Mark on one bed and Brendan was sprawled on the other.

“We should go out” Brendan says suddenly, shooting up from the bed.

“We’re all underage” Mark points out and then glances at the couch, “The only two legal ones are already too far gone” You giggle when Nolan’s hand rises, flipping Mark off.

“I’m going out” Brendan announces, typing away on his phone.

You look to Mark who just shrugged, watching as Brendan moved around your hotel room, collecting his things.

“Take those two with you, they’re not crashing here” Mark said motioning to the two older boys. Brendan huffed but agreed, helping them off the couch and towards the door.

“Happy birthday kid” Steve slurred as he tripped out the door. You giggled into Mark’s shoulder.

“Be safe!” Nolan yelled as Brendan shoved him out of the apartment, the door closing quickly behind them.

The room is quiet except for the music still pumping through the speaker connected to Mark’s phone but you don’t say anything. You look up at Mark, he’s staring into space and it makes you laugh for some reason which then steals his attention.

“What?” He asks, laughing a little. You giggle in response, realizing just how much of an affect the alcohol has taken on your body tonight.

“You’re so pretty” You say with a straight face before breaking out in giggles.

“You’re prettier” Mark says back with a wink. “C’mon, let’s go walk around”

“It’s like 1 in the morning” You check your phone before looking up at a grinning Mark.

“We’re in Vegas, the city that never sleeps”

“That’s definitely not Vegas”

…

You were thoroughly drunk. Mark was practically carrying you down the Strip while you two giggled away. You were gone for an hour before you made your way back to your hotel, stumbling through the lobby like it was your first day walking.

Mark guided you into the elevator and pressed the button to your floor as you leaned tiredly into him. “Mark”

“What?” He asked, looking down at you.

“I’m a horrible friend” You say suddenly, feeling tears prick at your eyes.

“What- no, you’re not! You’re my best friend!” Mark slurred, stumbling through his words.

“I’ve been lying to you for months, that makes me bad”

Mark froze. The elevator doors dinged as they slid open but Mark stayed rooted in his place, staring down at you.

“Lying?” He said after a moment, clearing his throat.

“I’m sorry Mark, please don’t be mad, I swear I didn’t want to ruin this but I should’ve told you. Just please don’t hate me” Your mind was running a mile a minute, trying to redeem yourself and save the sinking ship that was your and Mark’s friendship.

“Hey, no, I would never” Mark grabbed your hand, pulling you down the hall and into your room, shutting the door behind you. He expected you to head to bed but you stayed standing in front of him, obviously signalling that the conversation wasn’t over. “You can tell me, you know. Whatever it is, I promise I won’t be mad”

In that moment, something told you there was no going back from this. Maybe it was the softness in his eyes or maybe it was the way his thumb brushed against the back of your hand. Whatever it was, it made you think of Luke.

“Ugh Luke’s gonna kill me” You we’re already dreading having to tell him he was right.

Luke was unfortunately never wrong, especially when it came to you. However, this time you weren’t sure you were that upset about it.

“Luke?” Mark asked, not having a clue as to what Luke has to do with anything.

You decided… no time like the present. “I like you” You blurted. “I’ve liked you since I met you and I really hope you like me too but if you don’t… what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas so you can’t tell anyone!” It was your loophole. A stupid one but nonetheless, a loophole. Nobody would find out about this embarrassing confession because Mark couldn’t tell a soul, due to Las Vegas law.

“You like me?” Mark echoes, trying to figure out if what you were saying was in fact true. You just nod.

Mark is at a loss for words but luckily, he does t need any. He leans down, closing the gap between you two and suddenly his lips are against yours and then, fireworks are exploding because you are kissing Mark. Mark Estapa is kissing you!

Once you break away, Mark’s looking at you with a soft, fond look and you can’t help the blush that rises to your cheeks.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that” He says happily. “But… how does Luke fit in with this?”

You fill Mark in on everything Luke said about this trip and even some of the stuff he’s said in the past about you two. Mark informs you of the relentless chirps he got all season from the boys and it makes you laugh. After talking about it, you realize you’ve both practically been in love with each other all year but had yet to voice it so it obviously went unnoticed.

“We’ve kinda been stupid huh?” Mark asks and you laugh, agreeing.

“Yeah but it’s okay, I like ‘em a little dumb anyways” You wink and Mark shakes his head.

“Shut up” He tugs you closer and suddenly he’s kissing you again. You can feel him grinning into the kiss which makes you smile.

Everything feels so surreal. You’re in Vegas with the boy you like who apparently likes you back. Maybe this is the one thing that happens in Vegas that doesn’t necessarily have to stay in Vegas.

[munsontm]

hi i would like you to please talk about eddie's "sound." like obviously he likes metal, but what does his own music sound like? what does his singing voice sound like? i mean this both when he's playing with the coffin guys, but also in terms of his own personal sound. what's the process look like from writing a song to releasing it? how does he structure albums? how does his music change as he grows & "makes it" ? tell me about eddie's work & the musical process!

ahh, i had to split this up into sections, babe. otherwise, i wouldn’t be able to answer it fjjdsjsj. and some of these answers might be more brief than others because i am not really a songwriter or musician of any kind. 

1. what does his own music sound like?

To give context, first of all. I think Eddie in particular resonated hard with Black Sabbath even when he was a kid. They were a working class band that contrasted with the propogated life view of free love, prosperity, and the american dream. (yes, i know they’re from england, aite.) Their usage of satanic imagery and horror-filled lyrics hit hard with Eddie who lived in a poor and abusive household. Eddie saw people around him, kids and adults, living in Hawkins who had a much better life than he did. and why? because he’d been born into a shitty family. it left him angry for a long time, and he lashed out through it in his lyrics and eventually with his guitar too.

so sounds wise---it’s easily relatable to black sabbath. cc is comprised of two guitar players, a bassist, a drummer and a singer. it’s easy to imagine they laying down a very hard and dark tone when they play. the kind of music that makes the floor vibrate and your guts shake. that gives it a bit of a horror edge, maybe puts a lil anxiety in your bones. that's not to say that cc don't play fast music, they do, and that'll have listener ls equally enthralled and uneasy. Like running from a serial killer. 🤷 But it's not extremely prominent in their music either. eddie didn’t come to play when he took up guitar lmao. He wants his music to have impact on all fronts on his listeners, emotionally and physically. i think once they have the dough for bigger stage shows. some real horror theatrics will come into play.

and eddie’s music often has a tone of cynicism to it about various subjects whether it’s society, politics, mental health or his personal life, morals and philosophies. eddie doesn’t make ‘sexy’ metal. like, you won’t catch him making songs about fucking in a car or how great his dick is. there’s no comedy and little sexuality in corroded coffin’s performances or music. you MIGHT find the odd love song, but those are very few too. and this is what sets the tone for their fanbase in that they aren’t a typical sounding metal band. their music always has a hard hitting message.

2. what does his singing voice sound like?

eddie doesn’t have a very deep voice---but he can drag it down, make it deeper and raspier if needs be. and playing his guitar in deeper sounding notes helps with that a lot. but generally, he has a very smooth and alluring voice. i guess he actually is kind of a vampire in that respect lmao. he can draw in an audience with his voice alone. i’d compare his voice to that of Paul Stanley from KISS.

3. what's the process look like from writing a song to releasing it?

Mmm, Eddie tends to write a bunch of drafts and then ignores them for a while before going back and looking them over again to see if he now hates them, or what maybe needs editing. And sometimes there are a few gems that don’t need lyrics changing. And what he writes always depends on how he’s feeling at the time and what’s going on around him and in the world. 

The lyrics always comes before the music! because he’s the main lyricist, that has to come first, and he’ll write the music with the guys collaboratively for the most part. Musicians usually write the music first, but Eddie prefers to build the music around the lyrics, rather than the other way around. Sometimes he’ll do it the standard way, but standard is not usually his thing. He very much enjoys watching CC lay down something haunting or heavy to his lyrics because they very much get him and the messages right off the bat. The structure of the music also comes into play here too, and lyrics might get moved around, lyrics might subtly change. but the song concept will remain the same throughout. 

it’s also not uncommon for eddie to record himself singing the lyrics solo to hear them before anyone else. because he wants to present how he sounds as the singer perfectly, and this part of the process allows him to be critical of his sound and voice, and change things if he wants, like a word or how he sings during certain parts. if he really doesn’t like it---people will unlikely get to hear it ever.

4. how does he structure albums?

CC is very much about concept albums i.e. albums that tell a story from start to finish. this is actually something that is in steep decline during the 80s...but i’m saying CC end up bringing it back at the end of the 80s, and no one cal tell me otherwise thx.

what are those concepts, you ask? well, the debut album is literally the retelling of jane’s story. it’s a fantasy metal album steeped in a reoccuring haunting melody throughout created by eddie and jeff with some screaming guitar duos, followed up by gareth’s slow and unsettling drumming and mitch’s bass that is more subtle, but always a threatening earthquake waiting to jump out and get the listener when they least expect it. it’s a horror album too, ngl.

but it’s not just about jane, it’s about eddie too. the concept is essentially about survivors of child abuse and overcoming that past, and whether you can ever overcome that. it’s up to the listener to determine for themselves whether someone can or can’t. it’s meant to leave a question in the listeners mind and get them thinking.

That’s how I personally see CC’s music. It’s not all metal fantasy, but there is a lot of concept going about. and again, it’s not always concept either. that is just eddie’s preference. he wants to tell lots of epic stories just like lotr and through music instead of literature.

5. how does his music change as he grows & "makes it" ?

that’s a tough question. because in the end, soooo many artists sell out and become a generic sound. ALL my favourite bands from my teen years did exactly that, and i can’t stand any of them now because they lost their artistic integrity for whatever reason.

Eddie doesn’t want to be that.

I definitely think he gets on board with grunge music in the 90s as a lot of the themes work well with his lyrics, and CC already has that daunting and angsty sound to them. So, I think that’s a sure thing for Eddie in the 90s. Plus, grunge music allowed men in music to express themselves more emotionally in their music, and essentially rebel against conventional forms of masculinity. what wouldn’t eddie love about that?

I cannot see Eddie caring much for the sounds of Nu Metal. Hip-hop and metal? Nuh uh, not for him. He supports the messages that the artists are trying to express in a world that is becoming more---shitty lmao, but the sound is not for him. And some of it...might even be too ouch for Eddie. 

With all that in mind, he won’t ever turn to generic rock. He won’t sacrifice his artistry to become a sell-out. I think nu-metal era is a time that he takes out to do other things, like produce, maybe write fiction and even delve into the art world a bit. But when metal starts to make its comeback as it has been for some years now...Eddie will be there loaded with all the material.

@musecraft  &  @harringtontm

[once-was-muses]

anonymous | Misc. Asks

do you have any ships youre more inclined to?

[ I will admit that I do have some favorites for certain muses, that doesn't mean I subscribe any less to the "shipping with chemistry" philosophy. Even if one of my mutuals is a character I really like with one of mine, I'm more inclined to sit and think on it and run a few interactions before approaching the subject- or accepting if I was approached first. ]

[ Now, with my wee disclaimer out of the way, here's my list of an answer (minus OCs because. Everyone except Jackdaw is original fiction, and even then Irene doesn't have any ships at the moment.) ]

Abe: I am very attached to both the idea of Abe Has Two Hands (for Hellboy and Liz), and B.P.R.D. Agent Found Family Siblings- but the former has been growing on me lately. I don't particularly like Abe with Kate, I see them more as explicitly close friends, but I could be persuaded otherwise.

Bro'Dee: my first big ship for him was an itty bitty rarepair with Martian Manhunter. That's still near and dear to me, but Arkillo, Hal, and Kilowog have entered my multi-shipper heart. The idea of Bro'Dee and Sinestro or Iroque/Indigo-1 has crossed my mind a few times now, but those are harder to explain, lmao. Bro'Dee's Mentor-Slash-Adopted-Dad relationships with Kyle and Razer are So Important to me, thus unsurprisingly no-gos as far as romantic ships.

Dedan: I don't really ship him with anyone. He absolutely has feelings for Queen Vader, not just protective/loyalty but romantic- however he knows better than to ever admit so allowed. He and Enoch are a big no for me, same with Japhet. Dedan and Hugo Found Family is all I really care about dhhsks-

Edwin: besides (obviously) Jon, I really like the idea of. Not necessarily a romance (not at first) but he and Eddie. I like ships with Nygma that go from "I hate you so much you're so stupid" to "okay maybe you're not THAT stupid but I STILL HATE YOU" so on and so forth. Also love the idea of Winnie and Selina being little shit kleptomaniac friends.

Harriet: hello yes I think Harrie and Steph Brown would be so good. Not for anyone else in a five mile radius, but they would be the perfect Chaos Lesbians. (There's a joke about Steph liking people with caffeine addictions to be made here.)

Harvey and Harv: Bruce Wayne or Oswald Cobblepot are who I almost always think of for romantic ships for the Dents. I think them and Selina and/or Eddie could be interesting as well. A really inexplicable pairing I like is them and Jon of all people, I have no clue why, lol. (I also think it'd be interesting to see what a Two-Face/Batman/Riddler relationship would look like òvó)

Jon: again excluding the obvious answer (Edwin), I'm not opposed to he and Riddler but it's not my favorite. I'm more partial to Batman, Catwoman, Bane, or even Two-Face or Croc as a partner(s) for Jon. Harley, Ivy, and Hatter are hard nos for different reasons (found family, usually found family's girlfiend and/or lesbian, and Very Bad History respectively.)

Linda: another I don't really ship with anyone. She's not aromantic, but. In terms of like practice, Yes She Is. Linda isn't that concerned about a partner (and refuses to tell me what her type is beyond "people I can use.")

Salaak: Guy. Or Kilowog. It's inevitable that Salaak is the "long suffering" in the "jackass and long suffering partner" dynamic, and name two bigger jackasses in the Corps (that aren't Hal or Kyle.)

Sameer: also zero ships. The only Squad member he has even close to a positive opinion of is Harley, and even then it's more "you didn't plot to kill me, leave me to die, or try and force me into shit so. You're cool I guess" than anything.

Thoth (really straddling the line between "canon" and "OC"): I've mentioned this on my sideblog for EoK but. I didn't intend to pair either god with anyone (and still don't, not in the main story at least), but Set and Thoth have become my number 1 pairing for that project (tied with a pair of goddesses that do actually get together in main story.) I also like the idea of Thoth hanging out with other wisdom gods and psychopomps, not necessarily as a romantic thing but a fun dynamic.

[culttvblog]

Dead Head: The War Room

The third episode of Dead Head takes us into the show's lower level of hell, the lower class one.

Once again the action of the show starts on a day delineated by an event related to the Royal Family, in this case the Queen Mother's birthday, so 4th August.

Like so many people for whom the capital has become too hot, Eddie travels to Birmingham where he hides out in a squat, and spends his time gambling. To his surprise he spots Jill, the girlfriend of his friend Caractacus in a pub. It was at Caractacus's flat in London that Eddie was picked up by MI5 and she was present then. Eddie makes her tell him where Caractacus is, and so they get on the train together to Bristol. There, Eddie begs Caractacus to make him fit for the forthcoming battle, and Eddie hides out among the Black community in Bristol. Eddie, Jill and Caractacus come back to Birmingham where they set out to persuade Stoker, the man who originally gave Eddie the commission to collect the box which turned out to contain a severed head, to tell them what is going on. Eddie obviously wants to find out what is happening and why he is being framed by the establishment for the murder of this young woman, but things don't turn out as he would like.

Every review of this episode I have seen, including the DVD commentary by the writer, Howard Brenton, comments that this episode rather goes off the rails, and indeed it does. Personally I wouldn't want people to be put off this show by that fact: in fact I think the problem of the murder is more present in this episode than it was in part 2 so in that respect it manages to stay more on subject. However since the series is very much thematic I am going to deal with this episode with reference tothe show's recurring theme of Eddie's body.

It doesn't appear in the DVD commentary and I haven't mentioned it before but there is a prominent theme of physicality in this show, and it nearly always revolves around Eddie. There isn't a single apparent meaning to the scenes where he is either in the bath, exercising, having sex, or otherwise naked, though. Far be it from this show to have a simple understandable set of symbols! In this episode the fitness aspect dominates. Roughly half the episode is spent with Caractacus putting Eddie through a fitness regime to get him fit for the war and get him off the booze. In my opinion this is where the show loses its way, because way too much time is spent on this. You could even say that it's unnecessary because other plot devices could have been used to elaborate Eddie's closeness to Caractacus.

I think that although there isn't a simple explanation for the symbol of Eddie's body, the scenes in which this device is used mostly establish relationships with other people: his jealousy that his ex-wife is sleeping with someone else, his preparation for and concentration on the task in hand, his fear of Hugo's apparent homosexuality, his forced submission to being dried by Hugo because he's handcuffed, and so on.

In this episode the purpose of these relationships delineated in physical terms is to lead us to a climax where Eddie (and we) gets a revelation of the true nature of all these relationships.

I know I said that the consensus on this episode seems to be that it loses its way, but I actually like it. As I said my own criticism would be that the fitness regime arc is too long. I am also not sure what is being depicted: we see a number of Black people who are in some sort of community with Caractacus who is clearly their boss, and so I wonder whether we are intended to think that this is some sort of opposition to the powers that be who cover up murders. However you understand this community it is never clearly developed. There is also a problem to my mind with how they get Eddie off the whisky. This episode is intended to depict the lower class circle of hell, and I think that even in the 1980s if Eddie could stretch to a bottle of whiskey to pour down the loo every day the people surrounding him could have found a better use for it than that.

Although I have fixed on one plot aspect and the relationships to which it points, I am absolutely certain that this episode of the show could lend itself to many other interpretations as well. The rich plot of this show is one which I think has also meant it isn't very popular because of the amount of work it requires on the part of the viewer.

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[wanderingwomanwondering]

Eddie’s Queerness

*long post*

I said something on this subject months ago and I meant it but I don’t think we’re going to get it so here’s my updated perspective…

I’ve been having thoughts and feels about Eddie’s healing journey all season like literally everyone else in the Buddie fandom. I know many of use have differing opinions about how his arc is going to go, especially as it relates to his sexuality. The Buddie fandom knows that he’s some flavor of queer. I’ve seen gay, bisexual, and demisexual all floated as possibilities for what his queerness looks like. I want to throw my opinion into the pot since it feels like we are very close to something truly extraordinary in terms of Eddie’s overall healing. (Come on 517, make my year!!)

From my perspective, each of the 3 common possibilities for Eddie’s sexuality is valid depending on one’s own reading of and interpretation of the narrative. I favor demisexual or bi/pansexual for Eddie over gay. But I will cheer no matter which route the show takes.

Here’s my perspective below the cut

Eddie’s Personal History & Context

Eddie had an incredibly difficult relationship with his parents. They had high standards and expectations for him on every level - from career, to romantic partner, to parenting, etc. - and they were controlling as well as impossible to please. Eddie has made in clear throughout his time on the show that he never felt good enough for anybody. Not for his parents. Not for Shannon. Not for Chris.

His parents’ expectation that he would work in the family business forever combined with a shotgun wedding to Shannon after they got pregnant forced him into the military. He said at one point that the military was the only way that he could see to escape his parents’ (specifically his father’s) grueling expectations for his life and future.

Shannon is a long and difficult chapter that the fandom has spoken on at length and on multiple occasions so all I want to say here is that he has said repeatedly that he loved her. In Eddie Begins we saw his struggle with Shannon’s expectation that he be a partner to her rather than simply a provider and again in Merry Ex-Mas. It’s implied in Eddie Begins and basically stated in Merry Ex-Mas that Eddie felt like a constant disappointment to her because he could not figure out how to show up emotionally. 

On the Chris front, he feared he’d have the same problem he had with Shannon. He struggled with what it meant to be a good father to Chris and how to show up in that role as well, which the show talked about briefly in Merry Ex-Mas and again (via Mitchell) in Brawl in Cell Block 911. We also learn through Eddie’s conversation with Savannah in Cell Block that he felt unlovable, both by Shannon and by Chris to one degree or another.

Eddie’s struggles with building a family of his own track fairly directly in my opinion with his struggles with his family of origin. Never-satisfied parents had convinced him that he would fail at any and every endeavor. Never respecting Shannon (before she left) to the point of constantly insulting her to Eddie’s face. Making Shannon feel like an awful mother (before she left) because why wouldn’t Eddie’s parents subject his wife to the same poor opinion they seem to have of him; after all, he can’t do anything right. Eddie’s entire life in Texas sounds like it was in terms of blame, fault, error, and inadequacy!

Given what we know of his family life so far, why wouldn’t he become a man who keeps his emotions to himself, strives for excellence by someone else’s standard (the military and the LAFD especially), and in his personal life demands control of every situation as much as possible on his own terms (which does NOT work in a marriage or in parenthood!)? Why wouldn’t he have trouble finding his own heart? Why would he be someone who could recognize and strive to meet his own needs? his own wants? his own dreams? his own happiness?? 

All of the above has followed Eddie into the present, into his partnership with Buck in all things, into his evolving parenting of Chris, and into trauma recognition and trauma recovery. From my perspective, Eddie has not even asked himself about what happiness means or what it looks like because emotions are a floodgate. We can’t have full access to joy without seeing and feeling despair. Emotions are a package deal. So if Eddie wanted to court happiness in any deep and self-fulfilling way, he’d have to deal with all the painful shrapnel lodged inside him. That’s what he’s doing now. Wading through the pain so that he can have a clearer, truer, and fuller happiness available to him. A happiness that could let him find a meaningful love that he could hold as his own and a one that would allow him to show up in his son’s life in an authentically joyful way. Before he dove into his healing journey completely, he as becoming increasingly numb...able to fain joy but not feel it fully. Eddie’s healing arc is one of reclaiming. Well, more accurately he’s actually healing by discovering and claiming his complete, full-feeling heart for the first time!

Eddie’s Sexuality

Literally all of the above struggles can and do make total sense if Eddie were straight. How many people have demanding, controlling parents who want mindless mini-mes and get offended when their kid isn’t under their thumb. How many people feel obligated by their parents wishes in one way or another and ultimately live in cages built by their parents until they break free or irrevocably internalize the cage. One does not have to be queer for that to be their reality!

But we know Eddie’s not straight. Repression. Hiding parts of yourself. Trying to be the right kind of person for everybody else’s benefit. Living a fake life because of fear and/or confusion ie having no clear map to authenticity. Those themes absolutely exist for straight people, but they are hallmark themes of queerness (especially in contemporary media) on a whole other level. They are incredibly relatable to the lived experiences of oh so many (too many!) of us queer folks. That’s why with each passing season we saw the mounting queer themes in Eddie’s history and in his psychological & emotional arc.

Looking at the sexuality possibilities for Eddie, demisexuality captures the details of what we already know. Eddie actually loved Shannon and seemed to enjoy having sex with her. He said it multiple times even when he didn’t have to and I choose to believe him. Due to the presence of legit feelings he entered into a romantic and sexual relationship with her. From what we’ve seen in the show, Eddie doesn’t seem to readily experience sexual attraction unless he can tie it to his feelings. I think that fits for what we saw with Shannon and with Ana too. Ana was in his orbit and only became a romantic and sexual option for him when he considered what she meant or could mean to the person he cares about most in the world, Chris. It would also track with what we’ve seen of Eddie’s deepening relationship with Buck and the strongly rooted Buckley-Diaz family.

Bisexuality may capture Eddie’s experience. In the bisexual scenario, the sexual attraction is there from the start though. Maybe Eddie was sexually attracted to Shannon, Buck, and/or Ana before he got to know them. Feelings were present too at some point for each of them except Ana. We have a lot of *compelling* theories within the fandom but we don’t quite know because Eddie hasn’t directly spoken on the subject of his sexuality.  At least at this point in the scenario. 517 will hopefully be a game changer on that front!

Backtracking a bit, regarding Eddie’s marriage to Shannon, there were other relevant factors, chief among them was an unexpected pregnancy along with family expectation (I’m guessing, since they’re Catholic) and a sense of moral obligation because it is Edmundo “obsessed with doing the right thing” Diaz even when he doesn’t quite know what it is or how best to do it. There is no doubt in my mind that Eddie felt trapped in that marriage but he also felt trapped within himself by his circumstances, his upbringing, and lack of a clear and (perceived) equally righteous alternative. Eddie’s marriage to Shannon was painful and tumultuous for all those reasons in addition to youth and neither of them actually knowing what they wanted or needed at the time. With Ana it was based firmly in a sincere desire to do what’s best for Chris without regard to himself. By that point in the narrative, I would argue that Eddie was even more emotionally numb than usual because of his mounting unaddressed trauma. Like. It didn’t even occur to him that he was doing Ana a disservice until Buck pointed it out! 

Regarding the possibility of Eddie being gay, I will cheer as I would with either of the above possibilities. However, my fear is that the powers that be would assert that Eddie’s relationship history and context were solely "a high price to pay for a fake life” and that next to nothing at all about it was real/meaningful which is valid and relatable to so many (too many!) queer people, and also wildly painful to watch. No matter how they cut it though, parts of Eddie are falling away and still other parts are being uncovered/recovered/discovered and that’s exciting. 

Deep feelings - sadness, guilt, confusion, fear, joy, love, and desire - are hard for Eddie. They are hard for a lot of people and catching feelings for your best friend is a challenge even for people who are trauma-free. So I can imagine how overwhelming it all must be for Eddie. Whatever ends up happening next in Eddie’s Epic Healing Arc, Eddie has grown so damn much this season with Buck’s help, and imo he has romantic and sexual feelings for Buck that I can’t wait for him to profess in one way or another!

[bi-bard]

I’m Sorry... I’m a What?- Evan "Buck" Buckley Imagine (9-1-1)

Title: I'm Sorry... I'm a What?

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley X Reader

Requested: Nope

Word Count: 760 words

Warning(s): fluff

Summary: (Y/n) was beyond excited to get to see their friends. They were all meeting for lunch and it was going to be a nice time. A fun lunch leads to some silly stories... and Buck earns a new title from (Y/n)'s friends.

Author's Note: I don't know why I did this. I kind of hate it.

Support my work? https://ko-fi.com/khoward0

-----------------------------------------

I opened the door to the restaurant and tried to keep from running over to the table where my friends were sitting. They both stood up and met me halfway.

"(Y/n), it's so good to see you," Trina said, hugging me tightly.

"You too," I replied as I moved from her to hug Maggie. "How are you both?"

"Good, good," Maggie nodded. We all sat down and started looking at the menu. "So... you're dating a firefighter?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Can we hear more," Trina asked. I chuckled.

"His name's Evan, but everyone calls him Buck," I started. "We met at a bar after one of his shifts. And he's great."

"Just great?"

"Alright," I rolled my eyes, holding my hands up. "What do you want to know?"

"First date," Maggie seemed to sit up straighter when she asked.

"We went to dinner at some small restaurant," I shrugged. "I felt so weird and awkward. But he was sweet and understanding. It worked out really great. I mean... we've made it this far."

"And haven't let your best friends meet him," Maggie said.

"It's not for lack of trying," I chuckled.

I don't think I've ever been more grateful that a waiter showed up. We put our orders in and they went on to drop the subject. I loved catching up with them. Maggie had just gotten a new job and Trina's mom had set her up on about 300 dates in the last year. That's the number according to Trina, of course.

I was happily listening to a story about one of the many failed blind dates when there was a tap on the window next to our table. We all jumped before looking over. Evan was standing on the other side, waving at me, Eddie standing behind him, pinching the bridge of his nose. I waved back before motioning for them to come in.

I stood up as the door opened. I smiled as Evan pulled me into a hug, kissing the side of my head. Eddie waved at me.

"This must be Trina and Maggie," Evan said as he sat in the booth next to me. Eddie pulled a chair over to the table and sat down.

"This is Evan," I introduced to the two of them. "And that's Eddie."

"Nice to meet you," Eddie nodded.

"I'm sorry about missing the meetings, time has not been on our side," Evan chuckled. I grinned at him, grabbing his hand. "I'm happy to finally get to meet you, (Y/n) talks about you all the time."

"Oh god, what did you tell him," Trina looked over at me. I rolled my eyes at them.

"All good things," I replied.

As we all continued talking, the waiter dropped off our food and asked the boys if they wanted anything to eat. The boys placed their orders and it turned into a question and answer session with Evan.

"Oh my god," Trina said quietly. "You didn't tell us that he was a simp."

"Eww, don't call him that," I replied.

"Sorry, I'm a what?"

"I'm only stating the truth," Trina held her hands up.

"She's got a point," Maggie added.

"I don't care, don't call my boyfriend a simp."

"What's a simp," Evan asked.

"Especially to his face."

"Will someone please tell me what a simp is," Evan repeated. Eddie had spent this time trying to cover up his laughs.

"I'll tell you later-"

"A simp is someone-"

"Stop it."

"I want to know," Evan looked at me.

"Would you rather I said himbo," Trina asked. Evan's eyes went wide.

"I honestly don't know," I shook my head.

"Himbo sounds right," Eddie shrugged.

"Okay, so am I a simp or a himbo... and what does that mean?"

"A himbo is a man that's an idiot but respects women," Maggie explained.

"Yeah, sounds about right," Eddie nodded.

"Shut up," I snapped before looking at Evan. "I'm sorry."

"I'm putting it on a shirt," Eddie said.

"A himbo doesn't sound like an awful thing to be called," Evan shrugged. "As long as it doesn't affect my job."

"Oh, I'll make sure it does," Eddie nodded. I glared at him. "I'm kidding, I promise."

"You better," I mumbled. Evan leaned over and kissed my head.

"I'm perfectly fine being a himbo for you."

"Yeah... we're retiring that right now," I scrunched up my face. "All of us... deal?"

Everyone else nodded. Evan just shrugged, acting like he was thinking about it, "Deal."

"Good. Very good." I nodded. "Love you."

"Love you too," Evan replied quietly.

-----------------------------------------

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[abigailnussbaum]

Stranger Things Season 4, Volume I

Folks, I am somewhat flabbergasted to report that the fourth season of Stranger Things - a show that I would previously have described as “derivative fun, if you don’t think about it too hard” - is not only its best, but genuinely good TV. There are some caveats to this claim - the last two episodes haven’t been released yet, and the protracted episode runtimes (ranging from 63 to 98 minutes) are impossible to justify - though for the most part the show wears them pretty lightly. But even so, this sort of thing just doesn’t happen. A show in its fourth season - much less a smashing popular success that is also its platform’s flagship product - doesn’t suddenly get good. And yet, it really feels as if the Duffer Brothers have finally, after three seasons, figured their premise and setting out, as more than just a delivery system for 80s references and meme-ready bits.

So what happened? For starters, the fourth season of Stranger Things is the first where the show’s nostalgia feels interesting, and even a little thorny. For the first time, we’re addressing not just the pop culture products of the 80s, but the culture itself, and the ways in which it was poisonous. Chiefly, this is through a running thread in which the satanic/D&D panic arrives in Hawkins, and dovetails with the season’s menace - a being from the Upside Down who is killing teenagers - to implicate the town burnout and leader of its D&D club, Eddie.

It’s a really obvious development given the period and the main characters’ geeky pursuits. But not one you’d necessarily expect from a show that has, until this point, treated its setting with what almost felt like studied neutrality. (See, for example, the complete absence of any sense that Robin or Will - the two characters most likely to feel stifled and even threatened in a small Midwestern town in the 80s - are desperate or even interested in getting out.) But by having Hawkins turn on Eddie - and forcing the main characters to take sides for or against him, and to recognize that their parents and teachers aren’t capable of distinguishing a harmless hobby from actual monsters - the show creates a sense of menace it never had before. Suddenly, the Upside Down seems like the less scary option.

What’s interesting is that the season manages this without losing the show’s essential referential nature. The core kids are older now, so instead of referencing Amblin movies, this season of Stranger Things is an homage to slasher films, particularly A Nightmare on Elm Street. The season’s villain, who kills teenagers by putting them in a trance state and confronting them with their fears and guilt until they surrender to him, is clearly modeled on Freddy Krueger (down to having a secret origin story that ties into Hawkins’s original sin). Robert Englund even turns up in a surprise cameo. Those films always had an undertone of distrusting their suburban settings, seeing monsters not just in the serial killers who showed up to menace horny kids, but in the respectable adults and authority figures who failed to protect them, and may have even created the danger in the first place.

There’s a genuinely disturbing scene in the midseason finale in which the main characters’ parents - who have been persuaded not only of Eddie’s guilt, but of their own kids’ involvement with him - cheerfully hand their children over to the police to be “taught a lesson”. In previous Stranger Things seasons, the local authorities (with the obvious exception of Hopper) were clueless and easily evaded. In the fourth season, they’re just as much of an obstacle as the monsters.

Things are even worse in the Eleven subplot in California, where she’s subjected to vicious bullying (very strong shades of Carrie in these scenes), often with the knowing collusion of adults - the roller rink DJ who puts on a mocking song and does nothing when she’s accosted by a crowd who leave her terrified and crying. But when Eleven lashes out in response, the authorities are quick to criminalize her. To be clear, I don’t think it’s wrong to arrest a child who gave another child a concussion. But the fact that there were no systems in place to prevent anything that came before that moment (or that those systems existed, but were openly in support of the abuse that ended up triggering that violence), speaks volumes.

To top it all off, the season’s supernatural villain finally feels like the Duffers learning how to develop their horror mythology in interesting, coherent ways. He is both an illustration of the season’s overarching themes - the product of a seemingly perfect family with dark secrets; a psychological manipulator who tries to get a bullying victim to strike back in violence - and a fantastic expansion of Eleven’s backstory. The revelation of his identity is perfectly handled - one of those twists where you guess about 90% of it, but then the last 10% come as a total shock, making you feel both vindicated and thrilled.

So yeah, a lot still depends on how this story will resolve itself, and there are still problems with the season - the adult characters no longer play a significant role but are still being kept around because of their star power; it’s long past time the show figured out something to do with Eleven besides piling more traumas on her head; I simply do not care about any of the romance storylines. But for the first time, a season of Stranger Things feels like a story in its own right, not just the sewn-together bits of other stories. And that story is darker and more impactful than anything I might have expected this show to deliver. It almost makes you sorry that there’s only one more season to go.

[extasiswings]

How we feeling clowns?  Wrecked?  Anyway, here, have an episode tag for both the crossover and Buck Begins.  Also on ao3.

Eddie’s driving nearly on autopilot, the roads familiar as they get closer and closer to El Paso. Part of him almost wishes he hadn’t taken the driving shift to get them to his childhood home, even if it made the most sense—he can feel the tension in his jaw and shoulders creeping in, curling tighter with every mile they come closer, and his fingers itch for his phone, for the commiserating sympathies of his sisters who understand what he’s likely to walk into much more than Buck or Hen. 

Technically they could have skipped the detour. Eddie hadn’t even planned on telling his parents he was coming to Texas at all—it was Christopher who let it slip, and then Eddie had been immediately put on the spot and he hadn’t been able to come up with a good way out of stopping by after his weak deflection that it wasn’t a social trip was met with well, you have to stop and eat somewhere, don’t you. 

Sophia told him to lie and say the department said no. But she’s always been much better at lying to their parents outright than he is. Adriana shrugged and said if he didn’t want to go he didn’t need to give them a reason and should just say he wouldn’t be coming. But then, that’s her tactic as well and always has been—putting her foot down to establish hard boundaries, forging her own path and bucking all expectations.  Eddie’s always fallen somewhere in the middle, which he supposes is fitting—struggling to set boundaries, often getting there only when pushed, wanting approval but lacking Sophia’s talent for gentle manipulation that usually leads people to think that whatever she wants was their idea. 

So. Here he sits. Driving to El Paso. 

“Eddie?”

He blinks and clears his throat as he registers Buck’s voice, the edge of concern that says it’s not the first time Buck has called his name. 

“Yeah?”

“I was going to ask if you could pass back the aux cord,” Buck says. “But now I think I should ask if you’re okay.”

Eddie glances over his shoulder—Hen is in the back of the truck, head pillowed against the window, dozing with her eyes closed.  He swallows. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen my parents is all,” he replies. “And usually when they call it’s to talk to Christopher so...it might be uncomfortable.”

Buck’s voice drops. “Have you talked to them since the thing? Other than about this I guess.”

The Thing, also known as the huge fight they got into when Eddie decided that if he was going to keep working he couldn’t live at home for awhile and they tried to once again insist that he take Chris back to live with them. Like some terrible combination of the arguments they had before he moved to LA and after Shannon’s funeral, only even worse because Eddie had been raw enough over the decision to move in with Buck and let his abuela take care of Chris for awhile and really didn’t need to hear anyone tell him that choice made him a bad parent—

Sophia had been spitting mad when he told her and while he doesn’t know what she said in her own subsequent call to their parents, he knows that the next time they called him, the subject didn’t come up again.  Which, he supposes is as close to an apology as he’s ever likely to get.  

He probably could have used that as an excuse to not visit.  But then, that’s not really how they are.  Don’t apologize, pretend you don’t hold grudges, act like everything is fine, and repress until it feels like it is—the Diaz family way.  

Eddie sighs as he focuses on the road.

“Not really,” he replies.  “They’ve called Christopher every few weeks, but we’ve only talked directly...three times maybe since then?  Things seem to go south more quickly when we’re in person though so I guess I’m…”

“Bracing for impact,” Buck fills in quietly.  “I get that.”

“Yeah?”

Buck shrugs.  “I don’t talk about my parents,” he points out.  “Don’t talk to them either if I can avoid it because they always have a way of managing to just—anyway.  The last time I even called was after everything with Maddie and Doug.  Haven’t seen them since...since before I started with the 118 at least. So.  Yeah.  I get it.”

He hesitates, then adds, “You know I have your back, right?  You’re my best friend and you’re an amazing father.  I’m not going to let anybody get away with talking badly about you in front of me, even if they are your parents.”

Eddie glances back and manages a faint smile, some of the tension leaving his shoulders.  

“I’m glad you’re here,” he admits.  “Even if you did try to steal a fire truck in the middle of the night without me.”

Buck laughs and shoves at his shoulder.  “At least it wasn’t this truck.  Besides—you caught up before I did it anyway.”    

“Yeah, my Buck’s about to do something dangerous senses were tingling, couldn’t let that slide,” Eddie teases.

“Just give me the damn aux cord,” Buck shoots back, but he’s grinning.

And as they pass the next exit, Eddie feels like maybe things won’t be quite so bad.

***

Buck hates Eddie’s parents.  

It’s not the most charitable thing to think about someone you’ve only just officially met—he saw them at the ceremony when Eddie passed his probationary period, but he’d been on pretty strong painkillers at the time and Maddie had shuffled him back home as soon as possible—but he really does.

He hates the tense, anxious set of Eddie’s shoulders, hates the way his smile looks forced—it triggers the same fierce, protective instinct that rears its head whenever he gets between his parents and Maddie, and, well, he did promise, so—

He really doesn’t feel bad for interrupting the very first digs about how seeing Christopher over video isn’t the same as in person, but it’s nice to have the option and technology really is wonderful, Zoom calls must have been a great improvement from your army days, right son with—

“You know, it is wonderful isn’t it?  Did Eddie tell you how amazing Christopher is handling hybrid learning?  It’s really so great how his teachers have adapted, I can’t imagine he would have kept up so well anywhere else.”

Buck smiles brightly as Eddie’s mother’s lips thin.  Hen coughs and takes a long sip of lemonade.  Eddie blinks in surprise from across the table and clears his throat, grasping at the lifeline.

“Yeah, top of his class,” Eddie says.  

“He even has a reading group once a week with some of the other kids in his class that Eddie started to help them stay social.  I know a lot of the other parents appreciate it,” Buck adds, and Eddie rubs at the back of his neck.

“We definitely do,” Hen says, glancing at Eddie’s father as she clarifies, “I have a son Christopher’s age.  They used to play together all the time before all of this.”

“His therapist said kids are resilient, but I wanted to at least try and give him something normal,” Eddie replies, and his mother’s brows raise.

“Christopher is in therapy?”  There’s a note in her tone that makes Eddie tense and Buck’s hackles raise.

“I took him to see someone for a few sessions after Shannon died, mom,” Eddie says evenly.  After the tsunami, Buck fills in for himself.  “It didn’t seem like a bad idea to go back again to make sure he’s okay during a time that’s pretty unprecedented for just about everyone.” 

“Really, I think more parents should send their kids to therapy,” Buck interjects.  “If it’s a feasible option, I can’t see that it’s anything other than great parenting to make sure your kid has the best tools they can to take care of their mental health.”

God knows if he’d gone to therapy a hell of a lot sooner, he might not be struggling through sessions with Dr. Copeland now that he’s nearly thirty, but that’s not really the point.

“Well, some people feel those sorts of things are best taken care of within the family,” Eddie’s mother replies.

“With all due respect, sometimes the family’s way of handling problems just makes things worse,” Buck replies, his smile dropping briefly before he forces it back again.

“This lemonade really is delicious, Mrs. Diaz,” Hen jumps in as Eddie pushes his chair back and starts collecting empty plates.  “I would love to get the recipe before we leave.  If you don’t mind.” 

Startled, the older woman blinks.  “Oh.  Yes, of course.  I’ll write it down for you.”

Buck pushes back his own chair as Hen continues redirecting the conversation and follows Eddie into the kitchen where he finds his best friend gripping the edge of the sink.

“Hey,” he says quietly.  

Eddie looks over his shoulder and exhales heavily.  “Hey.”

“Sorry if I overstepped.”

“You didn’t,” Eddie assures.  “I’m just...exhausted.  And ready to get back on the road and home to my kid.”

He hesitates, then adds, “you know, my sisters would be impressed.  I haven’t seen someone manage our parents like that since they left.  I—thank you.”

“I meant what I said in the truck, Eddie,” Buck replies.  “You’re an amazing father and a great man and—it’s not right that anyone should pretend any different.  So.  I won’t let them.”   

Eddie glances at the hallway.  “Guess we have to go back eventually.  I didn’t quite think this escape plan through.”  

“Once more unto the breach?”  Buck offers.  The smile he gives Eddie is far different from the fake one he’s had up since they arrived, and when Eddie returns it, a spark returning to his eyes, it makes Buck’s stomach flip and his pulse race.

He tries not to think too hard about that.  They still have a long drive ahead of them—plenty of time to save it for later.    

“Yeah.  Yeah, okay.”

***

When they get home, Eddie barely manages to shower and plug in his phone to charge before falling into bed and immediately going to sleep.  When he wakes up, he finally checks his messages and sees several missed calls and texts from his sisters.

So? Sophia asks.  How was it?

<em>You were right</em>, Eddie taps out, and then waits. His phone rings a few seconds later. 

“I’ll save the I told you so in favor of asking if I should get Adriana on the line for an emergency Diaz sibling parental grievance vent session or if I’ll suffice,” Sophia greets. 

“It’s not that serious,” Eddie replies. “I’m okay—a little annoyed still, but...I’m okay.”

He’s not quite sure what compels him to add, “Buck was there. He, uh, he told them off about it a little actually. Politely, but that kind of polite...you know the one.”

“The one that’s basically go fuck yourself with a smile and/or plausible deniability?” Sophia fills in, and Eddie laughs. 

“Yeah, that.” He rubs at the back of his neck and leans back in his chair. “It was—he kept pointing out things about what a great dad I am.”

There’s something about the feeling in his gut that he can’t name. Something he wants to poke at, to explore, but that also makes him wary. Like a yellow caution light—it’s not a do not enter but it’s not risk free either—and he’s not sure whether it’s a risk he can take yet. 

Sophia is quiet for a moment. Then she says, “You are a great dad, Eddie. In spite of them. I’m glad you have other people in your life who recognize that too.  You deserve that.  You deserve to trust that you’re good at things, even if mom and dad say you aren’t.  You deserve to be happy, so...”

The silence that follows feels weighty.  

“What?”  Eddie asks.

“Is Buck—?”  Sophia cuts herself off.  “—nevermind.  Hey, the twins are calling, so I’ll call back again later, okay?  Love you.”

Is Buck what? Eddie wants to ask.  But he swallows it back.

“Love you, too,” he says instead.  “Talk to you later.”

As he hangs up and tosses his phone aside, his mind wanders back to that feeling.  Right up to the edge of warning lights and caution tape.  And Eddie wonders for a moment if he should—

There’s a knock at his door.  

“Dad?  You awake?”

“Yeah, buddy,” he calls back.  “Be right there.”

Later.  He can think about it later.  

***

Eddie figures it out at the worst possible time—in the middle of a five-alarm fire when Buck’s trapped inside and he doesn’t know if—

What do you do when you realize you might be in love with your best friend and they could die?

“We have to go back in there,” he says, before he can think of any reason why he shouldn’t.  “We can’t just leave him, we have to—”

“You’re right,” Bobby interrupts, and the other captain makes a noise of frustration.  

“Captain Nash—”

“You’re right,” Bobby repeats, holding Eddie’s gaze.  “We’re going to get him back.”

Maybe it’s stupid, four trained firefighters diving back into an active blaze in an unstable building with unclear direction, but Eddie can’t regret it when he sees the desperation on Buck’s face.  The relief.  The impending breakdown.

After, he’s assigned to take care of the victim and Buck’s carted off to the hospital to get checked, and Eddie thinks maybe that’s better.  It gives him time, at least.  Time to figure out what to say, what to do, whether he should say or do anything at all.  Part of him doesn’t know.  The rest is screaming I love him, I love him, I love him, wants to get his hands on Buck to verify for himself that he’s fine.  That he’s alive.  That he’s going to stay that way.

But when he gets back to the station, Buck’s parents are there, sitting at the table, and Eddie just—

He thinks about the look on Buck’s face earlier in the shift when he spilled everything, when he explained how he was apparently born just for parts and how he used to throw himself into bad situations because it was the only way to get their attention.

He could ignore them.  But he doesn’t.

“He saved my son, you know,” Eddie says, gripping the top of the staircase as the Buckleys look up.  And it’s probably somewhat insane to keep talking because he knows they don’t even know who he is, but he can’t help it because he just needs them to understand—  “Buck.  He wasn’t even working at the time, he was on medical leave and didn’t know if he would ever be able to be a firefighter again.  But he saved my son in the middle of a tsunami—my then eight-year-old son, and god knows I can’t imagine losing him, I think that would be the worst thing I could possibly go through, and I’m not sure I would survive it, but I didn’t have to because Buck saved him.  And probably twenty other people as well.  That’s just the kind of person he is.  The kind who saves people.”

They don’t say a word, so he keeps going.  “He could have died today.  Because he didn’t want to leave anyone behind.  Because he is a good man, even if he doesn’t ever feel like he’s good enough.  And he hasn’t said a lot about you, but he’s said enough for me to know that while he’s gotten the latter impression from you, he learned the former himself.  He built his life here himself.  So...I don’t know why you’re here, if you want to explain yourselves or just want him to forgive you because you feel guilty, but I just wanted you to know that.  That he’s a good man.  The best man that I know.  And if you’re proud of him for that, he deserves to hear it.  That’s all.”

Eddie walks away then, heart beating too fast, blood rushing in his ears.  

The best man that I know.  And I’m in love with him.

That wasn’t for their ears though.  

It thrums in his veins, the words caught in his throat as he showers, changes, waits for Buck to return to the station.  And when he does, Eddie almost—

But something stops him.  

“You have visitors,” he says instead.  And leaves Buck to it.

Buck finds him in the locker room after.

“So, my parents said they heard stories about me while they were waiting,” he says.  “When I asked them who from, they said they didn’t know, but that I saved their son in a tsunami—and trust me, that got a hell of a lot of questions.”      

Eddie is grateful for the open locker, the excuse to hide his face as he pulls out his street clothes.

“Yeah, well—just because they’re not going to appreciate you doesn’t mean that nobody else does.”

“Eddie.”

Eddie pulls back and takes a breath before looking over at Buck.  There’s a look in Buck’s eyes like he’s trying to piece Eddie together like a puzzle, to work out all the things he hasn’t said.  And Eddie suddenly feels exposed, far more than he had when Buck was sitting in his childhood dining room staring down his own parents.  

“You’re a good man,” Eddie says quietly.  “They should hear that.  And...someone should be willing to defend it.”  

Buck’s quiet for a moment.

“I have to go see Maddie,” he says finally.  “But maybe I could come by later?  And we could...talk?”

“You don’t have to ask, Buck,” Eddie replies.  “You know I—”  I always want you.  “—you’re always welcome.”

Buck watches him in silence for another long moment, then nods.  “Okay.  Okay, I’ll see you later then.”

It’s hours before there’s a knock on the door.  Hours in which Eddie burns dinner and then orders takeout because he’s too busy thinking, hours that he spends trapped in his own head, thinking through all the worst case scenarios, through every what if of how things could go wrong.

But also how they could go right.

And by the time he opens the door, he’s almost ready to just let the words trip off his tongue, but before he can, Buck says—

“Please don’t tell me I’m wrong about this.”

—and kisses him.

Eddie freezes, but before Buck can pull back, he slides a hand around the back of Buck’s neck and kisses him back with everything in him—every bit of thank god you’re alive and I was so afraid and I can’t lose you that he can muster.  By the time Buck pulls away, they’re both breathless. 

“I’m in love with you,” Buck admits.  “I’ve been—”

“Me too,” Eddie replies.  “I thought—I thought you were—”

Buck kisses him again.

“I can’t believe you told off my parents.”

“Well, you told off mine, so—”

Eddie pulls Buck through the door.

“Chris is in his room,” he says quietly.  “But...you should stay for dinner.  And…”

You should stay.  Just stay.

Buck does.  

[stagefoureddiediaz]

does buck know about maddies post partum depression, we know chimn told hen but he didn't tell anyone else. Buck could guess that what was wrong but does he know?

Hey Nonnie

My feeling on this is that he knew something was going on before she left, but wasn't cognisant of how bad it was getting. We have to remember that everything with Maddies PPD has been going on in the time of Covid so it was 'easier' for her to hide it from everyone because she had the perfect ready made excuse (and I don't mean that in a negative way, simply that when you are in the middle of a depressive episode you will latch on to anything that you can use to keep people from seeing just how ill you are, so Covid was the perfect cover for her to hide behind) to isolate herself. the thing with depression (especially if you have functioning depression) is that you get very very good at not letting anyone else see, while you're falling apart inside - the fact that the dr at the hospital didn't pick up on it when she took Jee-Yun in after the bath incident, shows how good she has got at covering it up because that dr as a paediatrician would have additional training to help try and spot it earlier.

Not only is Covid going on, but there is a blackout thats lasting for days and Buck is distracted by his newish relationship and work as well as everything going on with Eddie, he's not going to have been seeing Maddie as regularly as before, so its not really surprising he's not noticed that its worse than he maybe thinks.

Once Maddie has left, I think Buck is maybe beginning to realise its worse than he had been thinking, but like Eddie said 'you don't know her the way Chim knows her'. It's a very different relationship. I do think that Buck was maybe beginning to think he might have to tell Chimney something after seeing him spiral at the Madney apartment, but I think he maybe wanted to speak to Maddie first before he did and hadn't had the opportunity to yet.

Chimney spoke to Hen yes, but he wouldn't speak to anyone else, he's to respectful of his partner to do that - its not the kind of thing you go shouting from the rooftops and him speaking to Hen is almost like getting medical advice - she's a highly skilled paramedic who is training to be a doctor and who used to sell pharmaceuticals - she is the perfect confidant for this because she can be both supportive friend and provide medical and medicinal knowledge

I'm very much of the opinion that he saw involving Buck as something completely unnecessary (which it would've been) because it really doesn't involve him, unless Maddie choses to tell Buck. We must also remember that Chimney thought Maddie was going to speak to her doctor about her meds not working - the Blackout prevented this from happening and he can only be a supportive partner in this, Maddie has to be the one to make the moves and decisions.

Sorry this got long and I'm not sure if i've exactly answered your question but i guess my answer is that Buck knows some, but not all - as is appropriate for a brother who is also going through his own major stuff! I will say others have explained Maddie's PPD far far better than I can or have so check out @maddieandchimney if you'd like to understand a bit more about PPD and most importantly - from Maddie's perspective (and from Chimneys) because she has written very eloquently on the subject during 5a and in hiatus.

[buckactuallys]

Eddie Diaz Week Day 4: “I don’t deserve this.” + guilt

buck/eddie, 1.7k. [read on ao3]

Somehow, it’s always in the middle of the night halfway through a gruelling shift that Bobby finds Eddie going through some shit.

Their last call was a nightmare, more people DOA than still alive, and even more they lost on scene. It’s been silent at the station since they got back, most of them trying to find comfort one way or another, dispersing to call their loved ones if they can, or into the bunk room to try and block everything out.

Buck has stuck close to Eddie’s side the whole time, both to comfort and to be comforted. It should be scary, how well Buck knows him, that he knows exactly what Eddie needs without ever having to hear him say it.

Eddie never wants to talk after these kinds of things, doesn’t see the point in rehashing things he can’t change anymore. And he’s never been particularly great at talking about his feelings, still isn’t.

Buck knows all of that and respects it, even though he’s way more of a talker than Eddie is. He hasn’t tried to broach the subject with Eddie at all, but he’s been by his side since they got back to the station, a solid warmth at his shoulder, reminding Eddie that he’s here and alive. So Eddie knows Buck hasn’t talked about it either.

Earlier, they’d been sitting at the table next to each other, touching from shoulders down to their ankles, and Buck had taken out the notebook his therapist had suggested he get for when he can’t talk about what’s going on in his head. Eddie sat next to him while he scribbled into it, and something ugly twisted in his gut.

Here he was, right next to Buck, having gone through the same damn thing, making him write his thoughts down instead of just talking to him. And Buck never even seemed to hold it against him.

Now he’s asleep with his head pillowed on Eddie’s lap, curled in on himself and one hand gripping the fabric of Eddie’s pants tightly.

Eddie can’t sleep. There’s a war going on inside of him, two equally big emotions fighting for dominance.

On one hand, there’s the tenderness and love he feels for Buck, the wish to protect him from everything coming their way. On the other, there is the guilt and self-loathing he feels for putting himself first anyway, for prioritising his aversion to talking over Buck’s need to. How can he do that to the man he loves?

“Eddie,” Bobby’s quiet voice interrupts his thoughts as their captain sits down opposite him, a worried frown on his face. “Are you alright?”

And maybe it’s that they’ve had these middle of the night conversations often enough already for Eddie to be used to opening up eventually, but Bobby doesn’t have to do any prying before it bursts out of him. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him.”

Bobby’s eyebrows raise. “Buck?”

Eddie gives an aborted shrug and can’t quite look Bobby in the eyes. He’s spilled his guts to the poor guy so many times, he shouldn’t be embarrassed anymore - but he doesn’t want to see the pity on Bobby’s face. Doesn’t deserve that either.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because,” Eddie swallows, trying to find words for what he’s feeling, “he’s too good for me. I mean...you know how he is, Bobby. He gives so much of himself to make other people happy, to make me happy, and I...I can’t even meet him halfway. What do I have to offer?”

“I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself, Eddie.”

“Am I, though? I take and I take without giving anything back. I was a bad husband to Shannon, I’m a bad boyfriend to Buck, he would be better off without me dragging him down-”

“Have you talked to Buck about this?” Bobby interrupts, and Eddie lets out a bitter laugh.

“No, because I can’t even do that, can’t do it when it comes to my feelings or his, and now he doesn’t think he can talk to me about things like what happened tonight, but what would I even say, Bobby? I don’t know how to help, I never have the right words anyway.”

Bobby sighs. “We had a rough call tonight, Eddie, and everyone deals with it in their own way. And that’s okay! I’m sure Buck doesn’t expect anything more than what you can give from you. But for what it’s worth, I think you should try to talk to him about this anyway. If only to hear it from him.”

“Why are you so sure of what he’ll say?”

“Because I know him. And so do you, when you’re not too busy feeling guilty for things you aren’t guilty of.”

Eddie purses his lips, trying to keep the tears he can feel welling up at bay. “So you don’t think I’m acting like an egoistic asshole? Cause I’m pretty sure I am.”

“If you really think you only take from Buck and don’t give anything back to him, you need to talk to him even more than I thought you did.”

Bobby sounds almost disappointed, and it kind of knocks Eddie off balance. He seems to think it’s so obvious that Eddie is wrong. It makes him want to consider that maybe he isn’t looking at things very objectively right now.

“You make that man so happy,” Bobby continues, and his voice softens. “He has had to go through so much, and you were there for him through it all. He felt like he didn’t belong anywhere, and you gave him a family.”

“We all did that, though.”

“Yes, and we mean it - but it’s different with you. You gave him Christopher, and not just that: you gave him your trust with your son, and I think you quite literally saved him with that.” Bobby also has tears in his eyes now and Eddie swallows thickly. “My point is, you don’t have to talk about everything, Eddie, that’s not who you are. But some things need to be talked about, especially if they make you sit here and hate yourself if you don’t. You don’t deserve that, Eddie.”

Eddie wipes his eyes and gives Bobby a small smile. “Thanks, Cap.”

“Try and catch some sleep too, hm? I’m sure you’ll feel better after.”

Eddie nods and watches as Bobby walks away, feeling much better than before. He still doesn’t feel great about essentially leaving Buck alone to process, but hearing Bobby say that there are things he’s given Buck - maybe it’s not as bad as he thought it was. Clearly, he’s a work in progress, and clearly, he still needs to work on both communication and self-image.

Buck’s hand on his knee uncurls from the fabric of his pants, and Eddie sighs, running a careful hand through Buck’s hair.

“Did you hear any of that?”

“Most of it,” Buck murmurs and sits up, looking at Eddie. “I wasn’t sleeping very deeply when you two started talking.”

Eddie looks down at his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry. For leaving you alone to deal with it.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, scooting closer and taking Eddie’s hands in his, squeezing until Eddie squeezes back. “Eddie, listen to me. Is...is that what you think happened? Cause it’s not what I remember. You haven’t left my side since the last call, have you?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t talk to you about it.” He sounds ashamed when he says it, and still feels the guilt heavy on his chest.

“Did I ask you to talk about it? No. I know you don’t like talking about the rough calls, but that’s not even why I didn’t say anything. You were there right next to me, and that was all I needed. All I need. You always give me exactly what I need.” He lets go of one of Eddie’s hands and places his free one at the back of Eddie’s neck, leaning down until he can meet Eddie’s eyes. “If I wanted anything else, I would’ve asked, or gone to someone else.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, reaching out until he can get a hand on Buck’s shirt, wanting to be closer still.

“I love you, you idiot,” Buck says softly, following the pull from Eddie’s hand and pressing his forehead to Eddie’s. “And like Bobby said - you’ve given me so much, and you make me so damn happy. You’re the one person I trust with absolutely everything, and before you, no one’s ever given me that kind of trust back. When all that shit was happening with my parents, you were the only one I felt like I could talk to about everything, and you listened, and understood. You know me, Eddie, and I know you. And even when we deal with things differently sometimes, I know you’re always there for me. Do you know how long it took me to accept that I was deserving of your love? Many therapy sessions, you can believe that. But I learned that we’re both imperfect people with flaws and with baggage, but all that matters is that we make each other happy.”

Smiling, Eddie brushes their noses together softly. “You’re so smart sometimes.”

Buck snorts. “Asshole.”

Eddie presses a kiss to his lips, then another. “I love you, too. And thank you. For putting up with me and my moods.”

“It’s not “putting up with you”,” Buck says seriously, leaning back a little so he can look at Eddie. “I love all of you. Insecurities and self-doubts included, even though I wish you didn’t feel them. And you deserve that love, Eds.”

“God,” Eddie groans, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that are threatening to spill again. “I love you so much.”

Buck laughs a little and pulls him all the way in, holding him close. “I know, but you definitely need some sleep now, you’re not usually this teary. Come on, we can even share a bunk and endure the inevitable teasing tomorrow and probably for the rest of our lives.”

Eddie grins and cuddles even closer to Buck. “I can live with that.”

With Buck by his side, it sometimes feels like he can withstand everything.

[genaleah]

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible. 

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that. 

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually. 

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done. 

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess?  🤔  I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc.  It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM  Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with. 

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite. 

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join: 

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

[supervillain-smut]

Idk if you write for fallout characters, but can i request an SFW alphabet for nick valentine pls?

I usually don’t, but a friend of mine has really gotten to like Nicky, so here ya are!

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?) Nick's surprised you would want to date him at all, so as cheesy as it sounds, everything!

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?) He kind of can't, but he takes Shaun under his wing extremely swiftly, and is very protective of the kid. Should you adopt another child, he'd sweep them up too.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?) He tends not to because of all his exposed endoskeleton and circuitry, but if you're super careful about it, yeah he likes the attention; he doesn't stop worrying though.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?) Extremely romantic and pulls a lot of strings in Diamond City to make sure you're both spoiled but also in private.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)) Partner. I know, I know, but the word means everything to him; he's never had a partner quite like you, in every meaning of the word; the cold cases, Eddie Winter, his heart. You've solved it all.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?) He didn't, really. Not at first, but when he realized he had the same feelings he associated with his former love, in another life, now in this one? Flash, bam, alakazam.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?) With every move he makes! He has to mind his hand, that exposed spot by his neck, his jaw, everything! But in all seriousness, his words are so. Goddamn. Sweet. From a succesful lock pick, to the way you look at him, compliments abound.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?) He doesn't. His good one, maybe, but he's always, always reluctant to hold your hand. He prefers to put his arm around you anyways.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?) Wow you were determined for the ones you love. All that, in this cruel new world, for your son, and later on for him? How can he not have crazy respect for that?

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?) Yes, but he's less likely to show it or talk about it, he'll just grumble and let buddy know when he's officially crossed the line.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?) You have to initiate the kiss, of course. Doesn't mean he hasn't been thinking about it, just that he's too scared to ruin a good thing over misread signals, but he quickly sweeps you into one of those classic romantic kisses. He can't help it, it's ingrained in him.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?) He does! Right after that kiss.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?) All of them. Nick is slowly having to delete memories because he's running out of space, but he'll never touch any of the ones with you, no matter how small.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?) Anything you want that seems reasonable he'll get you, but if you really, really want something, he'll break and get it for you. Depends on how bad you need/want it.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?) Their favorite color, or whatever color they guessed was his favorite. If they said orange, he's suddenly seeing it around them more and more the more he thinks about it.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?) Nothing he already didn't call you, just more affectionately.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?) Power Noodles. He has no clue why, but Takahashis Power Noodles are his favorite snack, even if he doesn't need to eat.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?) Sit inside and read. It's really that simple, so long as he gets to spend time with you.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?) He's more about dealing with emotions, so he likes to talk about it whenever you're ready and help solve it. If you don't feel like talking about it, he's happy to change the subject and focus on brighter things. "Sanctuary's coming along nicely!" "The commonwealth is really starting to heal!" "Pipers new collumn is really intuitive!"

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?) Anything and everything, mostly pre-war though. He'll never want you to stop talking about life before the war.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?) A seat and your presence, a nice engaging conversation and occasionally Diamond City Radio.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?) He's not much of a show off until you put him in front of a locked terminal. Then it's on, always turning to you with a proud smile on his face when he's in, or refusing to leave it alone until he is.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?) He doesn't need a ring or a big fancy wedding to call you his spouse, it just happens one day, but if you'd like to officially tie the knot, it's however you'd like it. He's just happy to be there in the position he is, on that day.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?) Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall, The Sunspots. He's been through a lot, and being a detective means he puts himself through even more.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

(See W)

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?) Dogmeat's fine by him. God forbid you bring home a deathclaw.