#i like his voice though :)) vm

[akisell]

Shoutout Father Gascoigne for tricking me into thinking he was an npc I WAS NOT READY

my honest reaction

[ilygetou]

he views my CF story but isn’t replying to my text, isn’t obvious he wants me? 

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hello all! Hope your Wednesday is going well. Today we have nine Pre-Relationship fics for you to enjoy! As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 🩷

gravity-bound by hanap (7,591 words, Teen) Pairing: Jester Lavorre/Essek Thelyss (Jessek) Warnings: None

Essek writes poetry under a pen name, Jester is a fan, she writes to him and they start to exchange letters over many years.

Reccer Says: I love epistolary fic, and also its so cute. There's a lot of background details of canon events we can fill in the background through the letters contents, which is very fun.

in the pieces of what's left or what we've found by SeaWitchDreams (14,620 words, Teen) Pairing: Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Blumenshadow) Warnings: None

Post canon, Astrid decides what to do with Ikithon's tower, and her life.

Reccer Says: Its a nice long read, and the character beats are complex and nuanced, bc that's what Astrid deserves <3

That Lucidian Glow by fjorests_of_wildemount (455 words, General) Pairing: Kingsley Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss (Shadowking) Warnings: None

Essek needs to put on sunscreen, Kingsley volunteers.

Reccer Says: It's fun and cute moment <3

to be in someone else's coat by jaskofalltrades (1,369 words, General) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

After Essek's dinner with the Nein at the Xhorhaus, Molly and Caleb walk him home. Flirting, of course, ensues.

Reccer Says: It's so fun to see how Essek responds to Molly's relentless flirting, filtering through Caleb's observations on how new Essek is to friendship. And how he can tell that Essek wants that companionship so badly! It's very sweet.

though we're tethered to the story we must tell (when I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well). by exhaustedwerewolf (4,535 words, Teen) Pairing: Polymachina Warnings: Mentions of backstory typical violence and character death

On one wrist is your greatest love. On your other, your greatest adversary. And for a certain group of fated adventurers, one of these follows a pattern.

Reccer Says: I'm always a sucker for a good soulmate AU and I *love* ones of this flavor. The angst of not knowing which name is which is delicious and the way this fic plays with that for each member of VM is so good! Also love that the love-bonds don't Have to be romantic, I always appreciate that when it comes to soulmate AUs. And the way it all comes together in the end for VM is just... so good. Also the character voices in the narration? Spot on.

know no shame by hanap (4,453 words, Teen) Pairing: Adeen Tasithar/Essek Thelyss Warnings: None

What if Essek and Adeen had crushes on each other as teenagers and were adorable, messy disaster about it?

Reccer Says: It's so cute. Like oh-my-god so cute. They're adorable with each other and baby wizard Essek trying to join the Aurora Watch so he can spend more time with Adeen has my WHOLE heart. The messy teenage feelings! The circumstances keeping them apart! Deirta and Dad Thelyss's reactions to them!!! It's all so so good.

The Sunny Side by dracoqueen22 (1,767 words, General) Pairing: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett (Beaujes) Warnings: None

There’s nothing Beau won't do if it’ll make Jester smile, even if it means fixing something as minor as a sunburn.

Reccer Says: Cutteee <3 Beau is just so smitten. Plus Cad being his odd self in the first half <3

Today I Love You Even More by wtgw (5,687 words, Teen) Pairing: Yeza Brenatto/Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast Warnings: None

Yeza Brenatto is a creature of infinite anxiety, but he’s not blind. He can see how much Veth loves Caleb. He can see how much Caleb loves her back. And he can also see that Caleb is really attractive. But it’s not like he’s not going to do anything about that…

Reccer Says: Yeza Brenatto is just a perfect sweetheart always and there's this scene where the three of them are sitting around drunk complementing each other that is just too cute

Just Between Friends by biorusted (3,624 words, Explicit) Pairing: Ashton Greymoore/Orym/Dorian Storm (Dashrym) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Aspec Dorian talks with Ashton and Orym about how sex has always felt to him and they share their feelings in return. Things escalate from there. Just as friends, of course.

Reccer Says: Aspec Dorian my beloved <3 always love the dynamics between these three, they fit together so well.

Thank you for joining us this week’s recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 🩷 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 🩷

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Canon Divergent fics. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Keyleth Rarepairs and the weeks after that we’re taking recommendations for Polyamorous Ships and Enemies to Lovers fic! Submissions for all of these themes are currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 🩷

[greenticklerdreams]

Vex vs. The Ticklelock

Fandom: Critical Role - Vox Machina

Characters (lee/ler): Lee!Vex'ahlia, Ler!OC, Ler!rest of VM

Word Count: 2992 words

Summary: Vex is captured by a very strange villain with an even stranger set of powers. Can she hold out until she's rescued?

“FINALLY!! You FUCKING creep!!” Vex’ahlia shouted, finally free of the Hold Person spell. Her mouth was dry and tasted terrible. Her arms were stretched out to either side, locked at the wrists by padded cuffs. She was sitting up against that backboard, back straighter than when Father tried to drill good posture into her and her twin when they were little. Her legs were propped up on a bench, straight out in front of her, her ankles locked in a wooden stocks. Her bare feet felt clammy with fear, despite the roaring fireplace that was the only source of light in this weird underground laboratory. “What’s the big idea, taking my boots off?!” she snarled. “And ONLY my boots?? Not anything else?? Really?!”

“It’s necessary, my dear,” came a voice from the chair by the fire. Vex perceived the hooded man there, though his face was just obscured by the dancing shadows. This same hooded man had dragged her off after successfully casting the Hold Person spell upon her. Dragged her away from the fight, from her friends battling the giant tentacled creature that had risen from the underground lake in this dank dungeon of his. He’d taken her down hallways, stepping around traps, moving past slavering aberrant creatures waiting in the wings, and bringing her here… It certainly looked like every other mad arcane caster’s lab she’d ever seen, and Vex had seen a few at this point in her adventuring career. A shelf full of scrolls, weird instruments on a nearby table, books… and a rather unusual amount of feather quills. They were quills, right? Most humiliating of all was being completely unable to resist as he forced her into this position, removed her boots and socks, shut her wrists and ankles into their bondage, and spoke a command word that sealed the locks with a magical click. Vex had been terrified at the time, but now that she found herself almost fully clothed and otherwise untouched, she was mostly just nonplussed. And pissed off.

The hooded man stepped into the light. He was pudgy in his brown robes, looking a little like a fat monk. Throwing back his hood, his red-brown hair was revealed to be long and lank, and his beard and mustache needed a trim. His eyes looked just a little too large for his face, and a little too black. “You and your friends have something that my master needs, and he has asked me to get it from you.” He grinned a sleazy grin, those black eyes glinting in the firelight. “I must confess, I hoped you would be the one to fall prey to my spell.”

“You would, wouldn’t you? Get in line,” she spat at him. Damned Arcane Locks, she thought, trying and failing to thrash against her restraints. The hooded man advanced to her, stopping just in front of her stocked feet. “At least ravish me like a proper villain. Freak. Pervert.”

“Like I said, lovely Vex’ahlia,” purred the man, his voice low and honeyed. “What I need is information. I need it quickly. And I am going to get it. Although… I am going to enjoy getting it out of you.” Vex felt his soft, pudgy hands caress the soles of her feet. She shuddered in horror - and worse, it tickled!! - and tried to pull her feet away, but her big toes were tied to an unseen hook on the front of the stocks. “You CREEPY fucker,” she snarled, trying not to let him see her reaction.

The hooded man just smiled. “I also would not deprive my pets of the pleasure,” he said. With a flutter of feathers, a pair of doves descended from atop the scroll case. They were the type noble ladies bred, with big, fluffy feather skirts around their ankles. However, Vex recognized that these were not normal pigeons. Their beaks were just a little too long and sharp, the feathers of their wings a little too large and fluffy, those odd spots of exposed flesh on their chests weren’t normal, and their eyes… were too intelligent. These had to be mage constructs of some type. “Lester, Leelee, get to work,” said the hooded man, and the creatures alighted on Vex’s hapless body. The mage-pigeons walked over up and over her chest - she could feel their sharp little claws hooking into the unarmored parts of her clothes, barely poking her quivering skin - and then they started using their sharp beaks to cut holes around her underarms. “Hey!!! What?! Are you serious?!” she snapped, and she tried to thrash, but she could barely move, and the birds hung on anyway. She felt her armpits exposed to the open air. The hooded man smiled. “Start brushing.”

With uncanny intelligence, the birds looked to their master, and then began brushing Vex’s taut, stretched armpits with their fluffy, feathery wingtips. Vex felt an electric sensation course through her body and choked back a cry. Biting her lip, she grunted with exertion.

[MATT: Make me a Constitution saving throw.]

[LAURA: ……17! HA!]

Releasing her lip, Vex gasped as she convinced herself this wasn’t too bad. “You’re gonna have to do better than that,” she said, blowing air out of her nose with a little “hmph” for emphasis. “What do you wanna know so badly anyway, you freak? Who are you?” The bearded man smiled. “I am Gruvo, a servant of K’nizz Mo’lag, a creature from beyond the stars and beyond your mortal comprehension.” Well, at least he’s easy to persuade to talk, Vex thought through the terrible feathery sensations in her armpits. “His many-feathered wings sweep through the universe and will soon alight in this world. None will be able to withstand him, and your kingdom will be reduced to helpless laughter in his ticklish embrace.”

“Lamest Far Realm patron I’ve ever heard of,” Vex taunted. Gods, it never ends. Oh gods. It tickles. “Did the cool eldritch… beings pi-hick you last at recess? You must be so disappoi-hointed.”

Gruvo looked back into Vex’s defiant eyes and raised his hands, wiggling his fingers in her full view. “Form of Feathers,” he said. Suddenly all ten fingers contorted and transformed into long brown feathers, wiggling at the ends of his palms. His beard changed, too, going from unkempt hair to a mass of reddish-brown feathers that surrounded his lips and covered his chin. His eyes seemed to grow larger and blacker, like an owl’s. He lowered those hands, out of view behind the stocks, and suddenly Vex’ahlia felt ten brushy, whispery feathers gliding all along the soles of her feet. “How do you like this, Lady of Whitestone? Do you still doubt my patron’s power?” A strangled squeal escaped Vex’s lips. Her head thrashed back and forth. “Mmhmmph!! Mmmm!!!” The soles of her feet were tingling like crazy. Her knees spasmed and banged against the bench. Then she felt just the tips of the feather-fingers jittering against her soles, ten little points all at once. They quested for the tips of her toes and the spaces between. They danced on every wrinkle. Gruvo chuckled. “You are already succumbing to our power. Now tell me, Lady Vex’ahlia: where is the Tome of Isolation?”

[MATT: That’s another CON save.] [LAURA: … 19.]

[SAM: LET’S GOOOO!!]

“I’ll… never… tell you… ANYTHING!! Eeheeheeheehee!!! Hmmmph!!” Angry that she had let even a few giggles escape, Vex bit her lip again. Her armpits were twitching, her feet were squirming against the toe-tie, but she resisted with all her might. She resolved herself to scrunching her feet as hard as she could, even as those feathers brushed all over her wrinkled, curled soles. “My friends… hhh-are… haha! They’re… going… to kill you… SO hard! Pfffhaha!”

[LAURA: Seriously, how long does it take to kill a stupid tentacle monster?!?!]

[TRAVIS: Ow!! We’re workin’ on it!!!]

“Maybe… heehee!! Maybe if you tell me… hh-why?!” Through scrunched-up eyes, Vex saw Gruvo’s smile fade. He looked oddly serious as his feather-fingers brushed her feet. “My patron attempted to enter this world and brush his feathery wings over it, but he was thwarted… by a goddess called the Dawnflower. That tome of the Knowing Mistress’s is able to banish a god, am I right? Well, my patron will be able to corrupt that tome to drag a divine being into his realm. There shall we bind her, and K’nizz Mo’lag will tickle your meddling goddess into oblivion.”

Seriously easy to persuade, Vex thought through the sensations flooding her body. Would’ve been more appropriate if he’d grabbed Pike. Not that she would’ve fallen to a lousy - hhooooohhhh gods. Oh gods my feet. Don’t let him get between your toes. Focus. “Stu-stupid plahahannn,” she gasped. “Ahahaha. Heeheehmmmph.” 

Gruvo’s face grew uglier. “This is taking too long. I think it’s time we changed it up.” He raised his hands and Vex saw his fingers and beard go back to normal. “Lester. Leelee. The belly.” He walked over to his shelf, but Vex was too busy watching the pigeons walk down her ribs - damn those little claws - so they could start snipping off the middle of her shirt. “Come on! Really? Not my look, you freak. Though I’ve got better abs than you!” It was a lame taunt, but Vex felt woozy from resisting the tickles. 

The chubby warlock walked back over with a bottle in his hands. He uncorked it, poured the glistening yellow contents into one hand, and rubbed them together. It had to be oil of some kind. He then started rubbing it into her feet. Vex gasped. Just rubbing the oil on tickled her poor feathered feet so badly. Suddenly all of his fingers slid between all of her toes to rub it in. “YEEE-hee-heek!!” she squealed, throwing her head back. When she looked at her captor again, he was grinning. The birds had fully exposed her belly by now. Gruvo walked around to where she sat, poured more oil into his hands, and then rubbed down Vex’s pale, quivering belly. Vex smothered another squeal and squirmed for all she was worth. “You do have nice abs,” he murmured, looking her full in the face. “Does it tickle, Lady Vex’ahlia?” 

Vex shook her head violently. “Nuh-uh. Fuck you.” Gruvo just smiled back. “I think our tough ranger has a ticklish tummy…” He curled his fingers and squeezed Vex’s slick midriff. “Mm-hm!! Hmmmm!!” came the strangled cry. The warlock chuckled softly as he rubbed more oil into her armpits. Suddenly his fingers were digging in! “YA-HA! Heeheehmm!!” Vex heard Gruvo chuckle as he walked away, back down to her feet. The oil wasn’t making her cold - if anything, it was too warm. And her sensitive skin was tingling like crazy. Gruvo raised his hands again. “Form of Nodules,” he said. It was hard to see in the firelight, but Vex perceived his palms and fingers sprouting weird, rubbery-looking little nodules, like painful-looking boils, darker-colored than his sallow skin. “Oh, what the fuck,” she said. “Lester! Leelee! Tentacalus!” One of the pigeons hopped up to Vex’s chest while the other perched just above her belly. Their heads reeled back… and two fleshy tentacles emerged from those odd bare spots on their chests, squirming like giant earthworms. “Ohhh WHAT THE FUCK!!” Vex screamed in horror. “Now,” said Gruvo, voice low and dangerous. “We’re going to try this again.”

Suddenly Vex’s feet were being scrubbed, rubbery nodules bouncing and sliding all over her oil-slick soles. The pigeons’ tentacles were in her right armpit and slithering all over her belly, the tips finding purchase in her soft, slippery skin. One tentacle slid into her belly button and vibrated around while the other prodded one side, then the other. “Where is the Tome?” Gruvo called in a raised voice.

[MATT: Make another CON save, this time with disadvantage.] [LAURA: Aw WHAT?!] 

[MATT: It’s magic oil.]

[LAURA: …… 4.]

[the table groans and laughs]

[MATT: There it is! First failure.]

“BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! AHAHAHAHAAAA!!!” The laughs Vex’ahlia had been holding back suddenly exploded forth, like a burst dam. She felt herself give in to the sensations as her back arched and stiffened, head hitting the backboard, as tingly fire filled her body. She had taken lightning damage before. This was worse. Her feet were being tortured with endless electric shocks as the nodules scrubbed her arches. That tentacle in her belly button had to be like Percy sticking one finger of his Diplomacy gauntlet in and turning it on. “NOHO!! NOOO!!! WE ALREADY HAVE IIIIIITTT!!! WE HAVE IT!! WE HAVE IIIT!!! AAAAA-HAHAHAHAAAA!!!”

“You see?!” Vex could hear the glee in Gruvo’s voice rising above her laughter, oily as his hands. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Poor Vex here can’t handle the tickles… she’s such a ticklish girl… all will fall before our master.”

[LAURA: Will you hurry the fuck up?!?!]

[LIAM: We’re almost there, we’re almost there! Geez!]

“You're doing so well, my lady,” purred Gruvo. “You like this form better, don’t you? Now you’re going to have to tell me…” He grabbed her left foot, nodules helping him to grip despite the oil. He raised his other hand, showing her his knobby fingers, wiggling them slightly. “Where did you put the tome? Which one of you has it? You will tell me.” He lowered his hand and Vex felt those fingers, noduled on three sides, force their way between her toes and start sawing back and forth.

[MATT: That’s another CON save. With disadvantage.]

[LAURA: I KNOW!! ……… There is a thud as her head hits the table.]

[TRAVIS: barks with laughter]

[LIAM: Yeah, that’s a natural 1.]

[MATT: Hmm. I think that’s Vex’ahlia’s worst spot.]

[the entire table cracks up]

[LIAM: That’s canon now, motherfuckers!!!]

[SAM: Go update the wiki!! Hurry!!]

Vex shrieked as the nodules raked her sensitive toes, her normally sultry voice going full soprano. “NYYAAAAHOOO!!!! NOHO!!! AHA!!! AHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!”

“Tell me, Vex’ahlia!!” Gruvo bellowed triumphantly, and through the horrific tickling on her belly and armpit - the pigeon had switched to her left - she felt that hand grip her toes and bend them back. “NO!!! NO!! NONONONO!!!” Vex cried, but it didn’t matter. Gruvo took one noduled index finger and scrubbed back and forth across the top of the ball of her foot and under her toes. “AAAAAAAGH!!! IT’S SCANLAN!!! SCANLAAAAANN!!! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!”

“The little gnome, you say? Then he will be next on our list. My shrieking, laughing beauty, I will drive you mad!!!” howled Gruvo as he continued to saw under her toes.

Just then, the door slammed open from a mighty kick. Gruvo stopped what he was doing and rose with a start. Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III planted his front foot and leveled his pistols at the astonished warlock.

[TALIESIN: Natural 20. 23. And another natural 20.]

[the table cheers as Matt shakes his head ruefully]

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Gruvo’s chest exploded, then his shoulder, then his face. Even as he started to fall backwards, Vax’ildan swept past Percy into the room, swift as a shadow. Dagger, dagger, dagger! One pigeon shot off Vex’s chest, transfixed by a knife, then the other fell upon her belly and slid off. The third dagger buried itself in Gruvo’s ruined chest as he collapsed to the floor. The warlock was stone dead in a matter of seconds.

“Well. That was easy,” said Percy, checking his guns for damage. “I guess the tentacle monster was the real threat… darling! What in heaven’s name happened to you?! Did he hurt you?”

However, Vex’ahlia was not looking at her betrothed. She was glaring daggers right past him at her twin brother. Percy looked to Vax and saw he was wearing his most teasing smirk. 

“Don’t just STAND there!!” yelled Vex, out of breath, sweat coating her brow, braid half undone from thrashing about. “Let me out, ya asshole!!”

“Oh, dear sister,” Vax said smarmily. “What an interesting predicament we find ourselves in.” “WE?!?! Get me out of here, you shi-”

“Percy.” Vax clapped his hand on the human’s shoulder. “Did you know my sister is terribly ticklish?”

“So’re you, ya fucker!!” screamed Vex as Percy blushed scarlet.

“Yes, I am. She always won tickle fights when we were growing up.” Vax’s face was all mock sorrow. “I can’t help but see a golden opportunity… to get even.”

“YOU WOULDN’T!! YOU CAN’T!!”

“Her feet were really bad, the couple times I got them,” Vax said to Percy. “I think there was this one time I got right under her toes, and she shrieked-” 

“NO!! DON’T YOU DARE!! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!”

The rest of the team started filing in behind Vax and Percy, coming to see what all the commotion was. A slow grin was creeping across Percy’s face, a grin Vex’ahlia did not like to see at all.

“I’ll tell you what, Vax. I see this as a great opportunity for some team bonding. I think everyone should get in on this.”

“WHAT?!?!?!”

“Come on, everyone!” Percy waved all of Vox Machina into the room. Scanlan was already rubbing his hands together as he walked to her stocked feet. Grog started guffawing as he walked behind the backboard and started to reach over for her armpits. Keyleth hung back, watching with wide eyes as Pike joined Vax at Vex’s tummy.

“All right,” declared Percy in his most noble voice, “on my signal. Keyleth, get over here, everyone participates. I get a foot, Scanlan, you don’t get both to yourself. Ready?” “NO!!! FUCK NO!!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!”

“One… two… and begin!”

They would eventually let Vex’ahlia out, far sooner than Gruvo the warlock would have. Until that time, however, the air rang with laughter, and only a few swears - because, as Vex would have to admit to herself later, being tickled by friends was actually pretty special. Or at least better than being held captive by a creep with “nodule” hands.

[starseungs]

➳ words i want to say. hhj

pairing: hwang hyunjin x gn!reader (ft. han jisung)

in which hyunjin decides to tell you the words he wants to say through voice messages. // wc: 2.1k

genre/s: angst, there's fluff in there if u squint (how the tables have turned), best friend / childhood friend hyunjin, unrequited love

warning/s: some swears but not excessive, hyunjin had a bad headspace for a while, fights (remembering), mentions of somewhat obsessive behavior

note: this is just something i've been wanting to write for a while! the vm concept was inspired by The Recovery Files Series by @thepixelelf, so go check out that one too^^

⌦ Voice 001

Hmm...

Should I just write it? Ah… what am I doing? This is so awkward— it’s okay! It's all good. I can do this!

Well… maybe not. But I have to anyway. Why did I decide to record it first again? Stupid. The assignment is written. 

…

Hyunjin— just record what you want to say so you can rewrite it easier later.

Test, test… God, I'm getting cold sweat from this. Why am I so nervous?

So… okay. Psychology 325, Project— what? Did I just blank out from that? Ah, whatever.

Let’s just start over.

...

⌦ Voice 002

Psychology 325, Project “Words I Want To Say”. Entry by Hwang Hyunjin.

… Okay that’s funny. I didn’t need to say that. I’m just gonna rewrite this on a document file anyways.

But words I want to say… to whom? Damn it— I forgot to pick one. Just use whatever comes to mind.

…

Should I talk about Y/N?

This— this won’t be sent out right? The worst that could actually happen is just Professor Lee reading about it.

Yeah, that’ll do. Let me start over—

⌦ Voice 003

Hi, Y/N. This is Hyunjin. I know I’m not actually talking to you right now, or will you ever read this— well, unless my psych professor betrays me and forwards the final paper to you. Hopefully not.

… Do I include that in the final version? Nevermind, leave that to future me.

As I was saying, what I’m doing right now is for a psych class assignment. Professor Lee said to write a letter full of words we want to say. He didn’t exactly elaborate about what or whom, but I think that’s the point. You were the first thing that I thought of, so here are the things I want to say to you.

…

And there’s a lot more than you think—

⌦ Voice 004

Sorry about that. I was holding my phone and I guess the nerves got to me. I know you know I dropped it. You always did say I dropped things often.

And you were right. The other guys never pointed it out though. Maybe they haven’t noticed like you do… I guess that’s what made us best friends.

…

Best friends, huh. 

Is— is that all in the past now? Cause I still can't believe it…

… It was only like yesterday that we were still heading out to get something to eat whenever all our classes ended for the day. How many years was that our routine? From what I remember, we started it in 4th grade. 

Wow… 4th grade. Time flies so fast, huh? We used to be so small— and now we’re in college. Do you remember back when we first entered high school? You cried right after we got home because you didn’t want to grow up yet. But look at you now…

I’m proud of you.

Did I tell you that? I don’t think I ever did. And I regret that so much. More than you will ever know— more than you'll never know.

…

Y/N, what happened to us?

...

⌦ Voice 005

Ah… I got too emotional. I think I get why we had to do this now or maybe it’s just me. How could I not feel anything?

… After all, it’s you.

You know, there was never a time in my life where I imagined myself to be without you. From the moment I was born, you were already right there beside me. I always used to think that just like our moms, we’d be by each other's sides until we grew old.

And, well, looking at our current situation, it didn’t quite work out like I wanted after all.

…

I hate it. So much. How I’m even getting through the days— I don’t know myself.

It’s torture for me, Y/N. I miss you so much, and I can’t believe it’s my fault.

… Are you feeling the same way?

Tch. Probably not. You have that stupid boyfriend of yours. What? I know I’m right. You’re probably out there having a cute little date with— what’s his name? Han Ji whatever. 

That’s what I always heard from you anyways. Ji this, Ji that. He’s not even my friend, and yet I hear his nickname more than I hear mine. Do you even remember it? You used to call me Hyune by the way. Just reminding you. 

Now it’s just Hyunjin.

…

I’m sorry. I know this is so unfair to Ji whatever. He never did anything to me, and yet all I do is blame him for everything.

I don’t even know why—

⌦ Voice 006

For fucks sake, why do I keep getting cut off? My phone battery died. I didn’t even notice because I was so focused on this recording thing. 

…

But, I guess it was a good thing for it to die on me at that moment. I was starting to not think straight again. The last time that happened, we— yeah. This short break gave me some time to think about what I really wanted to say while waiting for my phone to have enough battery.

In the last message, I was going to say that I didn’t know why I was blaming Jisung so much— right, I remembered his name now. Could you at least be proud of me for this?

… Thank you. I can’t hear you right now, but I know you’d acknowledge my efforts. Those years of us being friends aren’t for nothing to me, you know? I think I can say that I know you well enough. You’re the same for me.

Actually— I think you might know me better than I do myself. And while I know other people would find that annoying, the thought was quite comforting to me. That someone cared enough for me to know me more than I did. 

Yeah. That.

You were my comfort, Y/N. 

Always there for me, even in times where you really didn’t need to. Of course— I did that for you as well. Anything and anytime you want me to. I’d do it if it was for you. To me, you were my other half. And I loved it.

I loved you.

…

That was why I blamed Jisung for breaking us apart. 

He— he was never in the future I created for ourselves. And I know that’s where it went all wrong. I really should’ve…considered chances of us having significant others. But I didn’t— no.

I refused to.

Just the mere thought horrified me beyond belief. I wanted us to be… well, only us. I was selfish. An absolute fool. A madman in love.

I had my own wonderland inside of my head. And I kept the thought of you as a prisoner.

It was ridiculous Y/N. I can’t even believe I did that.

…

But I’ve changed. And still changing. Truthfully, I’m not saying that for you to come back to me. I’m saying this for myself. Hwang Hyunjin has thought of his actions and its consequences, and is now working on changing himself for the better. 

I— I don’t care if you don’t believe me because I’m not pleading with you to. I’m not even gonna ask for your forgiveness, because I know it’s not my right to tell you how to feel.

But I want to at least explain. For me, and for your peace of mind.

...

⌦ Voice 007

Should I start from when I realized I liked you? Yeah, then I’ll just progress from there.

Hmm…I think it was middle school. 2nd Year. It was that day when you were rejected by the first crush you ever confessed to. I remember how sad you were and had the instant thought to beat up that person. I never did it by the way, in case you’re worried. I may have jammed his locker a bit, but that’s about it. You wouldn’t want me in trouble. 

Going back to that event, I honestly thought I was thinking about it from a brotherly light. It didn’t last long though— cause I also told myself that I could be a much better boyfriend to you. Brotherly light my ass, what kind of brother wants to date their sibling?

… You know what, don’t answer that. At all.

Anyways— that was when I realized I did like you in that way. As to when I exactly started liking you…I don’t know. Maybe it was just something that developed over the years. 

By now I think you’re wondering why I never confessed to you, am I right?

Uh… It’s quite an underwhelming answer actually. As cliche as it is, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I did want to try, but it was so obvious you didn’t see me in that light—

Oh God, now my previous actions just sound silly now. How did that not stop me from making some kind of imaginary world? Maybe I do need help. Changbin’s good at giving advice, maybe I can talk to him.

You do know Changbin right? He’s friends with Jisung as well. It’s funny how we have multiple mutual friends but we’ve barely interacted. I guess that’s just how the world works sometimes.

…

Speaking of Jisung— it’s time to talk about that isn’t it?

That night.

… I’ll tell you my point of view. And— I hope it can give you clarity.

I remember you coming over to my apartment after your last class. Normally, we would be getting food by then, but I had a massive headache that morning and decided to skip everything I had that day. Granted, my headache was already long gone by the time you arrived… So that really doesn’t excuse what I did next.

I was so glad to see you. After being sick, all I wanted was to be with you. To talk to you about your day…

Yet, all I heard was about Jisung.

And maybe it was valid. He was your day, the current sun in your life. If I could love you, why couldn’t you be in love with him too?

That’s what I think of now. Back then— not so much.

Jisung was definitely a sun. For you, it was positive. He lit up your days, and became the light you had in dark times. But for me… it was nothing short of negative. 

He was a source of light I had to constantly fight over. A burning sensation that left me to suffer with the pain.

If he was the sun, I was the moon.

So close, yet still the one being pushed aside.

Hearing about him made me so mad. Each mention of him clawed at my heart and released my deepest insecurities. And that’s why I ended up yelling at you that night.

…

I just wanted it to stop hurting.

That, maybe if I did that, you’d finally see me too. Maybe you’d see how much pain I was in before I realized it myself, just like before.

But instead— I ended up hurting you.

I said too many unnecessary things. Words that were formed from my hatred and boiled from the heat of the moment. And at some point, I ended up hating you too.

Hating you was never an option I considered. You were an angel to me. And I was that human you liked enough to be blessed by your presence.

Now, I’ve come to the realization that you were human too. Just like me. That I was once again putting you on a pedestal for myself.

Who knows, maybe my love for you isn’t even love— though that might just completely break me for good.

…

I don’t hate you. I know that’s the last thing I told you before we stopped all contact, but I don’t.

At that moment, I guess part of me did resent you for hurting me. But it wasn’t just your fault. I also fanned the flame that would roast me alive on my own accord.

That’s why I’m so sorry for putting all the blame on you. I now understand the barrier you put between us. I'm the best friend, but he's your significant other. That being said, I'm sorry for all I’ve said about Jisung too. 

As much as I hate to admit it, he’s a great guy from what I’ve heard.

…

That’s all I have to say, really. I do feel a lot lighter now having done this. I know— hmm. I was planning to not send this to you at all, but maybe I will now.

You deserve closure as well.

…

I hope you live your life to the fullest. I’ll try to do that now too. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. By then, let’s be better versions of ourselves, yeah?

Thank you, Y/N.

For everything.

These are the words I want to say to you.

...

This voice message has ended.

[demigoddessqueens]

How would Vm react to a baby vm who has seperation anxiety? Like this baby would cling onto them for dear life because they don’t want them to leave

Ouch! My heart 😢💔

Keyleth wouldn’t know what to do at first but she’d try to be calm and understanding with them. Reassuring that she’ll come back to them, with faint memories of her own mother

When Vax and Vex each deal with VM baby respectively, it brings up old memories from before with Elaina. Though this time, things will be different

Pike tries to fight back her own tears as well in her departure but gives Little One the biggest hug ever with a promise to come back

It tears at Grog’s heartstrings to see them sad like this, but in his own charming way he tried to cheer them up, with promises to teach them how to fight with a battle axe

Scanlan drops the joking facade but reassures Little One he’ll need their strongest singing voice when he gets back

Percy is torn at Little One holding into his leg, begging “don’t go”. In the best way possible, he gives them a reassuring hug along with the promise of “I’ve got a new project ready for you once I get back.”

[theserpentsadvocate]

I'm using @jaqofspades's encouraging words as an excuse to post teasers of the longer VM fics I'm working on (since they're more interested in the V/W stuff than the J/E stuff, and the latter is all I have finished because all the Veronica/Weevil fics are going to be long).

The Revenge Gambit

The laughter among the PCHers took on a darker edge at the reminder that she was the sheriff’s daughter. Veronica forced herself to ignore it, to act confident. To be like Lilly, a voice whispered in her mind, but she refused to listen. She’d do whatever she had to to beat Lilly at her own game, and she wasn’t going to be swayed now.

She shrugged casually. “I figured you’d want to piss Lilly off as much as I do, but…”

Something about his demeanour changed sharply, although he didn’t move from his casual position; the smile vanished. “What do I care about Lilly Kane?”

“I don’t know,” Veronica said. “What do you care about Lilly Kane?”

Something darker than anger flashed over his face, and for a moment she remembered all too sharply what he was capable of.

“If you want to talk privately…” she offered, trying to sound casual and not sure if she made it. Being alone with him felt insanely risky, but antagonizing him in front of his entire gang was a bad move.

And she was going to have to be alone with him either way.

“Yeah, you know what?” He reached out and grabbed her upper arm. Veronica forced herself not to flinch. “That does sound good. Let’s talk privately.” He made it sound sexual enough that the PCHers hooted and catcalled, but his eyes held nothing but threat.

The Hearst AU

“I didn’t change my locks, you know,” Weevil said, opening the door.

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t change the locks. The key you definitely didn’t copy along with the rest of them – the ones you also definitely didn’t copy even though you never need my help to sneak into the offices anymore? That key, with which you have absolutely not broken into my home on multiple occasions, usually to accuse me of assorted felonies? It still works.”

“You wound me,” she told him, pouting.

He pulled the door a little wider, stepping aside. “I think you just like me jumping up to do things for you.”

“Got to keep you on your toes,” she agreed with exaggerated good cheer.

He rolled his eyes, retreating back to the kitchen area. “Want a beer?”

“Better not,” Veronica said before she could think better of it. He stiffened a little, saying nothing, and she cursed herself, the awkwardness suddenly bringing the memory of the last time he’d offered her a beer sharply to mind.

She’d like to blame her current predicament on that, but the truth was neither of them had had more than one.

The Zombie AU (this one is lower on my list and the excerpt has almost no canon characters in it but it does exist)

There were probably worse things than weathering the actual apocalypse in a Starbucks storeroom with Peter from work and his new girlfriend, at least in the realm of apocalypses, but nothing topped it for surrealism.

Caleb couldn’t say exactly why Peter had called him over, but they’d barely had a chance to say hello before someone had climbed over the counter and started chewing on the barista’s forehead, and now they were all crouched in the back room with boxes full of flavour syrups their only defence against actual zombies.

The girlfriend, whose name might have been Jane, was freaking out about her kid, but she still had it more together than Peter, who kept muttering about hallucinogenic spores and the National Guard until Caleb had to clap a hand over his mouth so they didn’t get eaten.

*

And as a bonus, this excerpt from the Alternaverse fic, which is basically the only thing I have, because I don't want to risk contradicting myself later:

“I screwed up a lot. With Logan. With Yolanda.” She pulled a hesitant face. “You know, with Aaron.” She brushed a hand against Veronica’s arm without touching her or moving from where she was standing. “You and Duncan. With Weevil. Even my parents.” She shrugged. “But here’s the thing – I was sixteen.”

Lilly pulled back suddenly, bright as she’d always been, solemnity gone. “Oh, here – ask me how old I am.”

“Lilly…” Veronica’s voice was tight with tears. She knew how old Lilly was. She knew exactly how old Lilly was. Seeing her made her so much younger than even the memories.

“Come on!”

“How old are you?”

Lilly leaned in, somehow a few feet away and also a few inches away. “Sixteen,” she intoned in a hushed voice. Then – “Ask me how long I’ve been sixteen.”

The past nineteen years burned in Veronica’s chest. She forced out, “How long have you been sixteen?”

Lilly lowered her voice into a deep monotone, scowling intensely at Veronica. “A while.” There was a long, silent beat, and then she burst into hysterical giggles.

(Jade/Eli under the cut)

I meant to have the long depressing fic finished by now, but the 'brief summary of her worldview and their relationship breakdown' that I meant to start with is clocking in at 12 pages in Word, and I just started a new job, so... well, here's a taste of it:

It didn’t keep him off the bike, either. For a while she asked him where he was when he got home late, as if the idea of having to tell her would stop him from doing anything too awful, too permanent – or at least that the idea of lying to her would. He’d always been honest with her, at least, and Jade clutched at that as hard as she could, because surely that still meant something.

But he didn’t tell her, and he didn’t bother lying to her. “I was with Hector,” he said, or “I was with Dante,” or “I was with Arturo.” (Sometimes he said, “I was working,” and she was almost sure he was telling the truth, but there was a part of her that was absolutely terrified that working meant something different now.)

She started asking what he was doing with Hector or Dante or Arturo, and he shrugged, or he said “Riding,” or just, “Nothing important,” and Jade wanted to scream and cry, to rip at her hair, to fall to her knees and grab his shirt and beg him not to do whatever he’s doing, to not get arrested or hurt, to forget about the bad blood and the PCH and just come home to her and Valentina and stay safe, but instead she would go cold, repeat back what he said in a brittle voice, and turn away when he came to bed. (The last time he almost didn’t come home to them it was because he stopped to help someone in his truck, in the slacks and button-down he wore to his high school reunion. She knows that, she knows that, she does, but he still has choices, doesn’t he?)

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

this is for @blorbologist for responding to my survery!

Prompt: Kiki/Vax/Gil, a spin on the happy ending AU, after Gil is back safe n sound after the whole kidnapping n being put in VM's path, just! Comfort!

Though there are celebrations and festivities to be had, Keyleth and Vax can’t find it in themselves to enjoy it. Vecna is defeated and yet all they can think about is Gilmore. Not even two hours ago he had been lying dead in their arms after they had killed him. But after they had brought him back, all he had done was smile sadly as he took Kaylie and Cassandra’s hands, teleporting from the lair to safety. 

Safety turned out to be a rather large inn just on the outskirts of Vasselheim. Though there is still much revelry taking place, all of Vox Machina find themselves pulling away early, clinging to each other as they make their way to the inn to check on their loved ones. 

Keyleth can clearly see the white knuckled grip that Scanlan has on Pike’s hand and how Percy is leaning heavily onto Vex, looking as though he’s aged a decade. And she knows that her own hand is leaving a bruising grip on Vax’s hand, but she needs to see Gilmore. It’s complicated, the relationship between Gilmore and Keyleth. They’re not partners in a romantic way, but she loves and adores him all the saw. He has that same uncanny way of calming her down that Vax and Percy do. 

When they get to the room, Vax wastes no time in knocking, saying, “Gil? It’s us, we-”

Before he can even finish his sentence, the door is yanked open and on the other side they see their boyfriend. His characteristic glitz and glamor is all gone, he’s just wearing some borrowed clothes that are far too big, his hair pulled into a simple braid. His eyes are red and skin pale, but when he sees the two of them, he sighs in relief and pulls both of them into a crushing hug. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, his low voice rumbling in Keyleth’s chest. She clings to him gratefully, soaking in the familiar comfort as she nods into his shoulder. 

Gilmore sighs again, pulling them even closer in his relief. They stand like that in the doorway for a long time until Vax pulls out of the embrace and takes Gilmore’s face in his hands. The man leans into the touch. “Are you alright?” Vax asks softly. 

He nods, “I’m perfect now that you’re here.” He pulls the two of them into the small room, shutting the door behind them. He walks over and pours them both a glass of water, chilling them in a swirl of magic. “You two must be exhausted.” 

Keyleth shakes her head, tears coming to her eyes as she sprints towards him and hugs him again, crying, “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I swear we didn’t know it was you-”

Gil hugs her back quickly, “I know, gods I know. You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t know.”

“We could have checked.” Vax, unlike Keyleth, is stoic and full of sorrow. “If I hadn’t…I should have known something was wrong. I should have-”

“No.” Gilmore pulls away from Keyleth to gently grab Vax by the back of the neck, squeezing until the rogue meets his eyes. “You couldn’t have known, you were doing what you thought would keep your family safe.” 

Vax shakes his head, tears welling in his eyes, “It doesn’t matter. You died because of us and I don’t know what we can ever do to earn your forgiveness.” 

“What happened?” Keyleth asks softly, wiping her eyes as she takes a sip of water. “How were you there?”

Gilmore swallows thickly, “This conversation can wait until another day, until the morning at the very least. We’ve all had a very long and tiring day and all we need to do right now is get some food in the two of you and go to bed.” He smiles sadly and kisses Vax gently. “Okay?” 

Vax nods, “I’ll go run and grab something for us. And order something for everyone else.” 

As Vax leaves, he touches both Gilmore and Keyleth’s backs. And when the door shuts behind him, the room falls into silence. Keyleth sips her water, “You don’t want to be weak in front of Vax.” 

Gilmore sighs, “Of course not. You’ve seen him, he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, if he thinks that I’m upset-”

“You are upset.” 

“Then he’ll carry that too.” Gilmore sinks onto the edge of the bed. Keyleth tucks a leg under herself as she sits beside him. Gilmore rests his head on her shoulder.

“Vax loves you, we both do,” Keyleth tells him softly. “Don’t lie to use, not about something this serious.” 

Gilmore squeezes her knee, “Tomorrow, it can wait until tomorrow, dear, lovely, Keyleth.” He kisses her temple and pulls her into another hug. She can smell the familiar scent of incense and violets that always seems to linger on him and presses her face into the crook of his neck. She doesn’t say anything, but she can feel tears landing on her head. 

Gilmore pulls back after a while, running a hand over her dirty hair, “With all the love and adoration in my heart, you need a bath dear.” 

Keyleth shoves his shoulder with a laugh, “Now that’s just unfair. I fought a god today, I’ll have you know.”

“And I thank you for your service,” Gilmore kisses her forehead. “But you still stink.” The two of them laugh just as the door opens and Vax returns. 

At the sound of two of his favorite people laughing, Vax smiles. “Did I miss all the fun?” 

“The fun comes later, handsome,” Gilmore flirts as he stands from the bed, pulling Vax into a long kiss as Keyleth takes the plates from his hands. “But gods, you need a bath first too. What is it with you adventurer types that always smell just awful?” 

“It’s called hard work and saving the whole continent,” Keyleth tells him, mouth already full of bread. 

Gilmore hums thoughtfully, “An exception can be made then, but you’re both taking a long bath before you even think about getting under the covers.” 

“Are you planning on joining us for this bath?” Vax asks, his voice playfully sultry as his hands fall to Gilmore’s waist. 

He chuckles, “Not a chance in hell.” When Vax pouts, Gilmore just kisses him, “You’ll still get plenty of cuddles. Now come on, let’s eat some food before your girlfriend takes it all.” Keyleth makes a noise of protest, rolling her eyes as Gilmore kisses the top of her head. “Love you, dear.”

“Love you too,” Keyleth mumbles through a mouthful of food.

That night, after their bellies are full and they’re slightly drunk on wine, Gilmore lays in the middle of the bed. Keyleth and Vax are both soundly asleep against his chest and he holds them close, feeling the rise and fall of their breathing. If he closes his eyes, he sees their teary and distraught faces, their hands covered with blood. 

And then Vax’s nose nudges his chin, humming as though in protest of Gilmore’s thoughts. Gilmore hugs him a little tighter and sinks deeper into the bed. With the two of them, he’s never felt safer. Though times will still be hard ahead and there’s lots of things to figure out and talk about, he knows that with the two of them everything will be alright.

[blorbologist]

Hi Maggie!! Congrats on 1500, this is HUGE!

I'm here for the rolls! Let's see what the dice gods have in store today:

Of course gotta ask for Percy and Vax'ildan, both HCs?

And then maybe two rolls of the d8??

Congrats again! And thank you!! I hope you have a lovely rest of your day. ☺️💕

Thank you so much! You're always a delight to see in my notes, reminds me to get a little chaotic. Keep em guessing >:D

Miss Thing is really helping out with rolling dice:

Let's say the blueish with silver is Percy and the edgy is for Vax:

2.Angst for Percy

God, what rock haven't I turned over with him? ... ah: I think he'd initially have a lot of difficulty handling when the children Not as babies, though baby howls are practically designed to cause distress. No, it's when they're older: teenagers sobbing over heartbreak, or raising their voice to talk back, or whimpering after a hunting accident. Even a laugh that turns into a shriek of delight can be too close on some days. (The screams from the dungeon, from the cells next door, from across the dining room, from his own throat. And just enough of Vex (and thys Vax) in the tones to turn them from memory to nightmare)

3.Fluff for Vax

I fucking adore Vax cutting Kiki's hair after the Thordak fight!!! so!! much!! I HC that Vax is the main hair guy for VM during their early days - he's the most at ease with daggers and knives, and likely already has experience tending to his and Vex's hair on the road (potentially learned from Elaina giving them haircuts at home). Of course Percy will not let him touch a hair, and Keyleth never really wants a cut until then - but I like him sprucing up Scanlan before a bar crawl, cutting burrs off Trinket, keeping Pike's hair from getting too long and messing with her armor, making sure Grog didn't miss a spot shaving his head (he's never allowed to do it again after shaving half the beard tho 🤣). And then following Kiki's initial cut he cleans it up a bit in the days after, less of a necessary job and more getting it to her liking.

This but ~magic~

I think more druid magic should feature plant communication and mycorrhizal networks! They already feel so close to magic, it's fascinating. Waterbending plants and Caduceus' fungal-flavored healing are favorites of mine, but just consider: a lesser version of Transport via Plants limited to plants who are, if distantly, connected to the sane network, or specific plants used for Grasping Vines and other such spells to cause photosensitive blisters, or nasty thorns, or just fucking trigger allergies.

Hot take or tea

I don't care how many degrees someone has, if they start spouting 'oh we can exterminate all of X species I don't like itd be fine'. Even in a hypothetical magic world where you can bamf all mosquitoes out of existence, a huge host of insectivores are now without a huge amount of biomass to eat and larger animals' movements (to avoid mosquitoes) are impacted, resulting in changes in browsing/hunting/use of that environment. In a more realistic scenario, there's huge financial and manpower costs to factor in, as well as problems of specificity. We're struggling to deal with the invasive, 100% destructive species in many ecosystems (ignoring for this those that are actually not entirely detrimental) - how do you expect we'll erradicate X pest you don't want? It's also just so arrogant to assume we know everything and know what's best- I think of that parasite driveb to extinction because their endangered hosts were given treatments to remove them.

[captainsspnanon]

C2E62 - Domestic Respite - reaction

The things people don’t say about hyperfocusing is that it’s really fucking annoying when you are only interested in the one thing despite having other things you want to do.  I have been hyperfocused on a youtube channel for like, two or three weeks, and each time I’m like ‘hey I’d like to watch this other thing’ and my brain is just like NOPE THIS ONE CHANNEL ONLY.  Last night (future me note: last night being like almost three weeks ago lol) it finally broke (woohoo!) so back to the mighty nein!

(also I did end up buying the Nine Eyes of Lucien, so we’ll see how I like that.  And reunion special coming soon!!!! *intense vibrating*)

…...why do they all look super sexy this episode what the fuck

also top table blurry again :(  at least it’s not AS noticeable when they go to the stacked shot

though I’m also distracted because it looks like Matt’s wearing foundation?  That maybe doesn’t match his skin tone?  Not actually sure if this was a screen test experiment that just didn’t work, or if they’ve been doing it for ages and for whatever reason it’s just more noticeable this episode.

Sam’s bit starts with the dndbeyond bundle, and as someone who has looked at the prices of those, HOLY FUCK that’s a lot.  I was contemplating it once I started playing until I actually saw the price and said FUCK THAT.  The legendary bundle?  IT’S OVER 900!! /meme   sourcebook bundle is over 400, and it’s just like…..nope.  To be fair, prices make a bit more sense when you consider that a lot of the people who would buy it all would slowly accumulate it over time which makes the impact less, but if you’re like me and joined late, hell no.  I will save my cash for dice.

First – watching them slowly plan out the layout of the house warms my heart so much, it really makes me wish we could have seen Vox Machina planning out the keep.  Second – despite having only watched an episode of this a few weeks ago, I’m astonished how much I’ve MISSED these voices!  I’m genuinely loving C3, it’s my second favorite out of the three, but the Nein just means SO much to me.  I swear, I’m going to be so emotional with the reunion special!  Though I’m going to be very sad to be missing Caduceus T.T

The Xhorhaus isn’t the Xhorhouse until the tree has been planted.  *giant dopey grin* I love this so so so so much.  Soon the hot tub and the mural and life will be good.

Holy fuck Liam that creaking sound!!!  Sometimes these voice actors smack you across the face and remind you that they’re professionals.

Caduceus putting in micro-shrines for everybody MY HEART.  Also, is C2 the campaign with the most PCs with deific relations?  Fjord and the Wildmother, Caduceus and the Wildmother, Jester and the Traveler, Yasha and the Storm Lord, and then Caleb and Beau have respect for a deity without it being worship (the Archheart and the Knowing Mistress respectively), so only Nott without a connection.  Even Molly had a connection to the Moonweaver, unknown if it would have become more prominent than the few offhand mentions we originally got.  C1 had Pike and Sarenrae, Vax and the Raven Queen, and then Vex and Scanlan got ‘championships’ of Pelor and Ioun respectively, but I honestly consider that to be tangential considering how much it felt like last minute powerups versus any type of actual worship.  Keyleth has the staff of Melora but not any even tangential relationship there, and Percy was also solidly non-god.  Tary we never really got into the details of.  I don’t know how much I’d count Grog with whatever-the-actual-name-of-the-Stormlord-is-I-forget, he enjoyed the fighting, but I don’t know if there was ever any worship or godly respect there aside from fighting?  I’d have to wait til the rewatch.  Kord?  I think Kord. C3 seems to be getting into deific stuff now, but still less than the others.  Huh.  You know, I never would have thought of C2 being the ‘religious’ campaign.  To me, it feels more like VM would have been the worshippers, but it’s really not.  I don’t have analysis for this at the moment, this is something I have to chew over for a while.  (and also, there is a distinct possibility that I’ve come to this exact realization earlier in my rewatch and then completely forgot it.)

THE MURAL!!!!!! also, I just rewatched this bit again but only focusing on Travis’s face.  I miss so much by focusing only on the people RPing!   This is why, despite some of the nonsense I see, I do love following the fanbase on tumblr.  Because other people notice this shit and gif it so I can see it later.

Fast travel activated!  I’m glad that even with the options that they get, there’s still a lot of slow travel in C2.  C1 was so much fast travel all the time (wind walk and transport via plants), and C3 it feels like the travel is skipped over so much.  I love love love the slow travel.  Looking forwards to Eiselcross and its slow travel now.

I love Fjord so much.  Travis plays the dry wit SO well!

(for those watching C3 live right now, who else agrees that they need a decompression episode like this right now?  They need to breathe!)

Huh, head of the Gold Chain Mercenaries vanished into Darktown 10 years before the campaign began.  One shot NPC?  Honestly doubt it, but would be thrilled if that ended up being a bit of an easter egg.

One thing I adore about the Fjord and Jester RP scenes is that there’s this level of uncomfortableness to them from Fjord, a case of being unwilling to open up fully, even as he trusts Jester to a significant extent.  If I recall correctly, these RP moments get more and more open and honest as the campaign goes on and as Fjord slowly continues to shed his hesitation and bravado.

LOL at Liam being like “I have a bunch of RP stored up, gonna grab a few!”  I forgot about this letter conversation though.  Once again, fuck you Liam and your RP ripping out my heart. Talk about minute facial expressions and mannerisms to tell a whole fucking story.  I’m entitled to financial compensation for the distress he puts me through.

Calianna’s package!  I wonder how long it’s been sitting there.  I’ll be honest, the only gift of hers that I remember is the wand, and it’s because Caleb uses it for the tower.

I know Liam really likes to emphasize that Caleb was in a poly relationship with Astrid AND Eadwulf, but when he says things like Astrid was ‘the one’, I’m not surprised that people focused on that aspect and pushed away the Eadwulf part.   I’m actually trying to remember, at this point in time, I think it’s very reasonable to only think that he was in a relationship with Astrid.  She’s been brought up several times (best dancer, the letter, this comment) whereas Eadwulf has only been brought up in the initial story.  In fact, I’m wondering if the Eadwulf ‘reveal’ (which wasn’t even that much) was only when Caleb saw him guarding the beacon and asked Matt if his arms were still as sexy as he remembered (paraphrased).

HOW DID I MISS SAM’S REACTION WHEN CALEB DENIED BEING IN LOVE WITH NOTT!  These goofballs.

I do see why people may get irritated with Liam for his big RP stuff.  After all, here he’s doing three scenes back to back to back.  I get it, but at the same time, I also get Liam’s point of view.  How long has he been trying to have these conversations but there hasn’t been time for it.  They’re in two weeks of downtime now, but since it’s not played out in real time, he’s got to make sure to get the RP in before the group goes down a rabbit hole of another thread.  I honestly can’t say how I feel.  I really enjoy all the scenes, but I also feel for the other players.  It’s not super fun to just sit and spectate for a chunk of time!  With these three conversations, I most feel like the Beau and Caleb conversation could have been skipped, but you never now how things are going to turn out in the moment.  Hmmm.  Looking at the timestamps.  For those two scenes, it was still only 13 minutes, which actually isn’t bad.  The Caleb and Fjord (of which the other players interject a section before it happens) is under 10 minutes.  Okay, that’s actually not bad at all.

Not only that, but they’re all really respectful of each other and the time.  Laura interjects at a break in the scene, and Liam immediately gives a thumbs up to Matt and/or the table, indicating that he’s fully cool with sitting back and waiting before he hits his next point.  I recently saw a few clips from the second episode of VM, and oh boy things were so so SO much worse then.  So much talking over each other CONSTANTLY.  I know part of it was just them improving the show quality, but also I feel a lot of it was also them respecting it as a performance just for themselves.

Nott crafting things!!!  While Taliesin was always close to the chest with WHAT Percy was creating, I did enjoy having the PCs that actually made stuff.  And Matt being adorable and having Yeza and Veth act as partners instead of lead and assistant (which makes super sense).  We got some good crafting stuff from Nott, though I always could go for more.

Oh Yasha and your bracers.  Do they EVER get picked up after being enchanted??? …episode 91.  We’re in episode 62.  Okay (okay okay), she gets mind controlled.  That’s episodes 70 through 85.  (well, 86 and 87 as well I think?  Ashley is back as of 86, but that’s the fight where the mind control is broken, and then the Obann fight I THINK goes into 87 as well?)  And the bracers were still being enchanted during the first stretch.  SO.   Actually, that’s not that bad, is it?  That’s only like 3 or 4 episodes of her being back before she picks up the bracers.  Looking at the timeline, it’s maybe 6 in game days from when she is returned to her normal mental state? That’s actually super reasonable!!!  I guess it just feels so long because 29 episodes is over 6 months of actual play time.

3,000 gold and 10 weeks.  Hmmm, Beau’s were only 1200, I wonder if it’s a Rosohna markup?  Or maybe Beau’s are only plus one whereas Yasha’s are plus two?  Nope, they’re the same.  Huh.  One of the mysteries I’ll never know.  ALSO, I re-discovered that while Yasha picks up the bracers in 91, Ashley doesn’t have her swap them out until 110, so THAT explains that.  That’s 23 episodes from her being back to putting them on, nearly half a year AGAIN.  So almost a full YEAR between her purchasing them and using them.

LOL at Travis “no you need the defense.  I know, almost as if I was there and it was happening to me”

Also, considering my little spiel up there in regards to Liam and his RP?  I take most of it back, this was broken up very well with everyone being respectful. Any complaints of Liam this episode are invalid.  *slams gavel*

CALEB AND ESSEK CALEB AND ESSEK THE 12 PERSUASION AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*cough* Look I’m not immune to Shadowgast, okay???  Anyhow, many many people have written about this moment, far better that I could even try.  My impressions are very muddled though.  I am not smart enough to keep up with the 20+ INT wizards and their layers and layers of subterfuge and veiled statements and hidden context and fear and enticement and strategy.  I’m akin to Jester, an open gasp when Essek even invites the idea of starting to teach Caleb.  Regardless, I love every second of it.  (I’m a fan of the honeypot4honeypot theory, even if it doesn’t meet actuality.)

(subtitles have Caleb saying “do come in”, but I think it’s actually “willkommen”)

(also I LOVE how everyone gets so stoked with Essek teaching Caleb magic.  Even though it’s technically only a bit moment for Caleb/Liam, it feels like a bit moment for everyone)

Oh man this conversation between Fjord and Caleb.  I truly wonder if Fjord would ever have come to Caleb if he hadn’t had his powers stripped away and been left defenseless.  Was it just a deflection?  Was it something that he was intending in the moment but then later changed his mind?  Was there just no time for it before his whole thing happened?

WAIT WHAT IS THIS PERCEPTION CHECK THAT FJORD FAILS AAAAAAAAAAAA

We’ve had hints, but this is the first real descent into Sprinkle’s memedom.  The entire thing just went SO BADLY, it’s PERFECT.  Everyone at the table just absolutely DYING as Laura keeps rolling bad and worse and it’s such a glorious disaster.

…….Fjord just called Professor Thaddeus a shithead.   …..PROBABLY NOTHING PROBABLY NOTHING

Whoops it’s now been over a week since I touched this episode again.  Will I finish it before the first episode of the M9 reunited?  WHO KNOWS (probably not).  Brain went and fucked me again.  It’s been a time.

Back almost a week after that week comment.  The first of the two parter airs tomorrow, I’M FINISHING THIS BITCH TODAY.

It’s funny, I’m honestly not sure if it was Fjord or Travis resisting using the flirting angle, but then he just goes whole hog into it and it’s amazing.  I don’t think I’d heard a clip of Travis singing before this, so I thought he couldn’t for a while.  I know better now XD

Thinking on it, I cannot recall if Grog flirted more than like one or two times in the entire C1.  I remember a goliath drummer when Tary was there, I think?  Fjord certainly used the tactic more (Avantika and Maruo), but Travis is such a good RPer that while I THINK it may have been him slowly getting more comfortable with it by leaning into the absurdity, it could just actually be how he’s playing Fjord and Travis had no reluctance at all (at least for the Fjord/NPC stuff. We know from Talks he was highly reluctant for the PC/PC stuff). ...insert relevant C3 comment here.

Sorry not sorry but the fact that Maruo’s name is spelled Maruo and not Mauro drives me nuts.  NUTS.

Somehow it seems really fitting that Nott can’t pick the lock but CAN blindly cast mage hand to flip the latch.  I’ve mentioned this before, but Sam for a lot of the campaign never really felt to me like he was super interested in rogue.  Based off of the subclass and seeing C1, it made a good argument that he enjoys playing a support caster a LOT. While Nott certainly swiped a lot of things early on the campaign, she really did reduce her stealing pretty dramatically, rarely remembered to search for traps, and frequently got prodded to scout ahead or to pick locks.  I don’t want to call her a bad rogue because she certainly isn’t, but it’s a very interesting take on a non-standard way of playing one.  It works incredibly well with her character and the choices that Sam ends up making throughout.  He mentioned early on in a Talks that he hadn’t planned her subclass, had been considering Thief, but ended up going Arcane Trickster based off of the RP he had with Liam.  It’s very hard for me to picture Nott as a Thief Rogue, one of those curious What Ifs that will never be explored.  (looking at the features on dndbeyond right now, I REALLY can’t picture it.  I’m sure Sam would have played it well, but these don’t feel like they would lend to Nott at all.  The only thing I can think of off the top of my head would have been using Fast Hands as a bonus action when fighting the Iron Shepherds the first time, which would have let Nott attack and then try to lock pick, possibly helping to keep Molly alive?)

LOL they only got the residuum and suude because they weren’t sure what they should be doing and so were like ‘yeah we’ll just pry some random shit open’.  Also, first time watching I 100% missed Matt saying it was spices and them whispering it was suude.  I get the reference now XD

Huh, I forgot that Caleb/Liam pushed to have the Xhorhouse called the MT House for Molly.  Sorry dude, Xhorhouse is a million times better, and I’m pretty sure the MT House / MT Spa literally never comes up again XD

MAP!!!! MAP MAP MAP MAP MAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt did a pretty good Shakaste.  He couldn’t nail the exactness of how Khary spoke, but he captured a lot of the personality.  Ended up being a little ‘sexier’, but that’s probably just how they took in Khary’s performance XD

One – the fact that Caleb had to roll a history check and didn’t know what a Scourger was seemed bullshit, but Matt explained it nicely by clarifying that Caleb knew the term Volstrucker and didn’t initially piece the two together.  Two – ‘royal assassins’.  So this is something known by the crown.  In the fan base (and I feel like by the end of the campaign as well?) it’s more understood almost to be Trent’s private army.  I’ll have to pay attention and see if this is just fan interpretation forgetting things, or if this was genuinely altered during the campaign.  It certainly adds a new level of complexity to the story...though perhaps it’s only Trent’s METHODS that are what gets him tossed under the bus, not the existence of Scourgers themselves.

Holy shit I’m checking out the wiki and it talks about how Volstrucker can send messages to each other through sending letters through the fire and I TOTALLY thought that was just an invention in one fan fic that I read!!  Also, looks like they report directly to Trent – not stated necessarily in the campaign but confirmed in the EGtW.

Once again, I forgot how hard Caleb was pushing to essentially be a double/triple agent. It doesn’t happen, but he typically went there first when thinking about strategy and plans for moving forwards.  Once again, props to Liam for how deep he leans into the RP of his characters, holy shit. Layers upon layers upon layers….and he always jokes that he’s dumb.

“Real question, do you care about the Empire?  No judgement.”  “I didn’t think I did.” FUCKING STAB ME THROUGH THE HEART MARISHA RAY FUCK YOU I love beau so much it’s not even funny

Ending the episode on the Brjeaus being emotional and supportive, and then Matt and Marisha being adorable about her birthday.  GOOD EPISODE.

[feeisamarshmallow]

i’ve not had as much time to write more of my vm fic as i wanted, so have a lil snippet as an apology:

"Shit. Sorry," he says, glancing over at her.

It's the first time they've alluded to any of the various baggage they've brought along on this road trip.

"It's fine," she says. She forces herself to unclench her fists and take a few deep breaths.

"No it's not," he says plainly.

That strikes her. No one has said that to her in so few words—that it wasn’t fine. There’s something relieving in its simplicity. Even though her mother won’’t stop calling her to check in and bringing her leftover casserole, and the college therapist is teaching her breathing exercises, and Parker always stays late at the library so they can walk home together. No one has said it just like that. It wasn’t fine. 

Suddenly, tears are upon her again. Despite her efforts to suppress it, she lets out one quiet sob before she’s able to swallow it down. She scrubs at her cheeks; they’re burning in embarrassment. 

Weevil just keeps looking out the windshield, giving her space and looking vaguely uncomfortable.

“Do you want…” he trails off, glancing at her. 

“I’m fine. Sorry. Just give me a second.” 

He nods and goes back to looking straight ahead. She takes a few deep breaths and wipes off her cheeks in awkward silence. But even that small breakdown has made her feel better.

"Well, now I'm two days in a row crying in front of you. I don't suppose you have some heartbreaking trauma you'd like to process in front of me to even it out?" She says after she can speak without her voice wavering.

She isn't sure what kind of a response she's expecting from him. Maybe to laugh it off, or even to try to comfort her again.

Instead, he says, "Give it a few more hours and we'll see." Maybe he meant it as a joke, but his tone is a little too serious.

[whomadewaffles]

Eh since I was bored and I am feeling the excitement build for season 2, here is some of the things I realy want to be done and done right in season 2 in no particular order (I feel I know were getting the sunken tomb 100% so that's a given)

I want to see vasslehaim the dawn city come to life so bad

look none of the guests characters so far have been featured but I have a soft spot for Kare and his friendship with keyleth I realy hope they at least have him as a small role, and cmon Mary is the voice director can I pls get zarha and kash with bonus mention of thr slayers take?? Pleasee

kaylie, cmon she is very important to scanlan's arc and I like her alot.

I've like to see an actual dragonborn in the show tbh just not..urgh tibs or gern

Craven edge, just craven edge

Grogs herd and the kevdak fight "vm f*ck s**it up!" A small grog backstory montage would be nice too since it isn't very complex and wouldn't take up huge amounts of time

Artagen like of they don't include him I'll be sad his sketches are like pre-made comedic gold

Trinket vs the gaint bear spirit (feel this could get cut but I hope it dosen't I just love it)

Twin backstory and syngorn (I mean i feel like this is a given but if they included some flashbacks that reference kith and kin I'll be so happy)

I'm a perc'ahlia shipper so "do I look like I come from money?" And "its lady vex'alia" both are a must

Suadur (sp? Forgot the actual spelling) fight and its impact on vex

Maybeee if season 2 does end at glintshore like people are saying then we might get a look at ank'harel and its leader

The next 2 are little moments I don't think will make it in but I love anyway, starting with the stand off over the skull between percy and grog with vex in the middle and the rest of vm outside, to me this was so gripping and so tense I hope they somehow find a way to do something like that

When the white dragon flies over a hidden Whitestone, this little moment I loved so much because how the charaters react was so fascinating to me and realy led to some good growth also I'm a sucker for vex showing how much she cares for this place and its people even though she had only just got her title, first time it starts to feel like it sinks in that this could be her home one day. It also made the danger of the dragons feel ever present like it could all go wrong at any moment..hope they keep it in.

More alura and kima development please I think anyone who didn't watch the streams wouldn't even know they have a thing...at least In season three I hope they do the feeble minded alura plot cos that was heart breaking

And maybe a scene where vm get also by a young inexperienced young lad who wants to join them but they see him as not ready after subjecting him to "tests" designed to make him change his mind..surely this plot point won't come back at the very end of the season at glintshore not at all (bonus points if kynan is played by Robbie daymond cos cmon)

[the-melancholy-muse]

Vinyl Moon Volume 97: The Pond Beyond

With Strength, Brandon.

This volume required more strength to digest than I imagined it would, but by the end the pros outweighed the cons.

Listen along with me here. Playlist is also on Spotify.

Let's get into first impressions.

Did I over-hpye this volume before it hit my turntable? Perhaps. I blame a simple premise: KOI BIAS.

The album art truly hooked me in on this one.

I grew up watching my parents' 20 gallon fish tank. I raised Betta in college. I was mildly dismayed wen my husband announced my dreams of aqua-scaping the apartment were officially cancelled when we adopted our cat-not-catfish.

Stereotypically, I worked at an aquarium. One that was home to 90 koi in an interactive exhibit. My employment ended; my visits to pet and feed my babies have not.

Koi pond album was definitely a catch of the month from the sheer looks of it.

VM 97 Listening Log

A1: TRIPPY CELLO INTRO. THIS WILL BE SUCH A DOPE VOLUME. Love the Vocal Timbres. LOVE IT ALL 10/10.

A2: ...was hoping the strings would remain constant. Credit goes to the funky bass line. The synth stabs are a bit too harsh. Downtempo ending was a nice contrast to the mainly repetitive song.

A3: Instantly love the accent of the vocalist and the shimmer guitar and synth. Minimalist chorus, but super effective. I honestly just see Ncuti as the 15th Doctor dancing in his TARDIS with this pumping out the jukebox. More my speed than A2.

A4: Hand percussion is always appreciated in my book. especially when it is slightly more prominent than a set. Downtempo groove and a filtered voice really brings out the isolation vibes the lyrics are giving off. Wall of soft sounds round out the ending. This might be my favorite section of the song. This one kind of just hangs in the air. Fits the lyrics. Not badly written at all, but didn't jump out at me. Still, better than A2.

A5: Traditional shoegaze bass melts into horns? They are not too bright. Feeling this jazz band feel. From jazz band to near silence and oceanic pads. Soft filters, gentle flute, super quiet orchestral brass chords. How did we get here? Compositional genius. Final, darker recurrence of the jazz band ends with a radio fade. 10/10 RECOMMEND. NUANCED SOUNDSCAPE. <CHEF'S KISS>

B1: How can this go from so right to so cloying in 21 seconds? Duet voices and ALL instrumentation hammering the same exact beat pattern in unison. MAKE IT STOP. The best retreat we get is the voices alternating and very basic accompaniment instruments. Voices have not changed their rhythms at all. The only "bridge" they muster is a guitar solo that follows the rhythm of the previous vocal line ...much like the entire song. A side ended in a 10. B side starts with a 1. where s this going to go?

B2: Opening is promising...until vocals start up. It's giving older Taylor Swift. Also giving dixie chicks? Or it sounds like the artist who sang "I'm Gonna Soak Up the Sun". This is not my personal style. Nothing wrong with it songwriting wise. Some people will LOVE this. For me, another dud. I fear for B3.

B3: SWEET RELIEF. This is a bop. Simplicity and plate reverb of surf rock meets a male vocalist who sounds similar to Fleet Foxes. There are a few guitar stabs throughout the chorus, but they add to the song instead of act as a distraction from the vocalist. Well balanced. Loved this little riser section in the kit. Loved all of it, actually. BRING ON B4.

B4: Okay. Stark contrast here. The very few seconds of dissonant notes were creepy in a fun way. This song is straight forward. Too much so for my taste. The main 4/4 beat is just slammed into your brain. Not much of a rhythm section or groove to this. Lyrics are fun though. Well-written electro pop. Great for a general pop audience. Do I think it belongs on this volume exactly where it sits in this track listing? Not really? Will I jam to this after leaving a toxic work environment? Probably bumping this on the way home from my last day. It's love-hate for me. Slightly less hopeful for B5, but there truly is sonic art in this volume, so who knows.

B5: Cutesy. I will take cute. This reminds me of the 2010s. It's catchy. It's easy on the ears. Love the folk instruments. It balances lyrical content with proper instrumental breaks...and just like that, it's done! A short little palette cleanser. For me, a palette cleanser was necessary. Ready? or not? for B6.

B6: SWEET JEEBUS ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST. Textured bliss. Uptempo, retro synths. Good balance between walls of sound in the chorus/bridge and minimalist instrumentation in the verses. The bridge gets an edgy intro, then BOOM wall of sound. This gives Walk the Moon's "Next in Line" vibes. Ends on a choppy arpeggio. This last track hit me hard. Glad I didn't give up when the water got rough.

PROS

The songs that I loved from this volume, I ADORED. They are going into shuffle rotation STAT. Absolute Bangers. I think I have found more bands to follow and fall ever deeper in love with.

CONS

There were definitely a few BIG NOPE songs on this album for me, and some songs fell flat. On top of a difference in taste, the volume lacked something I crave in finished works: COHESIVTY/COHESION. This volume felt like a jukebox or a radio station. I didn't find the inner story. I didn't feel like the songs were related whatsoever, and sometimes they didn't sound great one after the other.

OVERALL

This volume was important, but it was mid. Don't skip it outright. My ear's trash could be your ear's oasis. For me, Ill take the good, leave the bad, and most likely will not listen to volume 97 as a unit again.

[urbanacademia]

S - Thoughts and Notes

started reading: pg 1

finished reading: pg 14 (s mark)

so reader eric just wanted to be mysterious when it came to his name? i like it

yippee! a written explanation of when to use the wheel! i like to think i would have figured it out anyway, but i don’t wanna push it

okay, ink update: pencil before any of the pens - probably could have known that before but eh

this book is teaching me how to annotate more effectively

got reader eric’s name for real now, guess the mystery couldn’t last :/ - i do like the reasoning for it though

I relate to the pencil writer, because i too feel as though i’m making observations that currently mean nothing

I just realised that the pencil is just eric at the beginning of his research - what emoticon portrays ‘i can’t even with myself right now’?

ooh… secret organisation?!? this really is my kind of book

i’m currently liking VMS’s voice (supposing this is his writing) - does he view himself too in this omniscient style??

—all of the theories here are total guesses and may be subject to change in subsequent posts—

[serial-sleeper]

8th: The Way I Loved You

I’ve been compiling the things I wanna say for the past few days because I know you need the space and I don’t wanna overwhelm you with messages so here it goes. It might be a long one.

Hi baby, I hope you’re taking care of yourself, getting enough rest, eating well and not getting sick. I know you know those things, you’re a big boy, even though I treat you like a baby before. But that’s because I care about your health, it’s not that I don’t trust you but I just wanna make sure you’re strong and healthy. It’s the least thing I could do as your girlfriend because I know you’re stubborn.

I liked you for a long time. I don’t know how I got attracted to you since before. I never even imagined I get to talk to you alone in dms. I admired you and I don’t know why and how. I just do. I always told myself, his girl is so lucky to have him as a lover. So to be honest, I was jealous of ila. To have a handsome, loving, caring and amazing boyfriend. For all those months, all I can do is admire you. Secretly looking at selfies channel from time to time coz I might get a sneak of your picture. I never thought that the day would come that I get to experience everything I was jealous about.

Now I have you. From calling you “Pomf” to all those endearments, which I thought was cute coz most people stick with only one like “love” or “baby” but I love that we’re so diverse. From stalking you in selfies (no I’m not a creep :D I didn’t save them hehehe) to having thousands of your pictures and videos. From wondering if your voice is as deep as they say to hearing them almost everyday. From admiring you to being your lover. From wondering when I get to talk to you again to talking to you everyday. From sending emojis to sending hearts, kisses, voice mails and I Love Yous.

It might be a short time for you but I liked you longer than you did with me. Everything you do since before we got together means a lot to me. All those little things matter, it doesn’t matter to me if you’re faking it or not, I’m just glad I get to talk to you every now and then before. Sure Jacob was in the picture but he’s too much for me to handle. I regret wasting time and energy on him, but enough about that.

I never thought I’d get to see the day where you said you love me. I can still remember that day. It was December 12th, we were celebrating me and my brother’s birthday since we’re only 5 days apart. They were busy cooking food and stuff while I’m in my room talking to you. You were so down back then because of you know who, so I thought of sending you a voice mail since I figured talking would sound more comforting and sincere than in text. I wanted to make you feel better so I practiced my message while taking a shower. I was so sure I’d be able to deliver it well coz I sounded like an expert while talking to the soap and shampoos.

So I got in my room, wore my underwear and grabbed my phone. (idk why i do that lmao, i take like 5 minutes to put my clothes on after wearing my underwear ahaha anyways, you dont have to know that detail but i’m very detailed at telling stories as you can see 💀). ANYWAYS, I grabbed my phone and pressed the vm button in snap and MAN I WAS SHAKING. My mind went blank and I wasn’t able to say half of what I wanted to say. I don’t even know if you remember that time. But I did, because it’s the first time hearing your voice and your first time hearing mine. I don’t wanna sound like a gremlin coz yk what they say, first impression lasts. 

I remember you teasing me about my mistakes. We exchanged voice mails through the day til the sun went down for me. I remember you calling me “Lexi the cheese grater” coz I said I was an expert at grating the cheese coz that’s all I can do in the kitchen since it’s hectic. I can still hear your voice when you said that. Lexi the cheese grater >:D. I was shocked and happy coz wow your voice was better than I expected, it kinda scared me but it’s fine coz I enjoyed hearing your voice.

Then later that day we talked a bunch on Koma, on that same day, you asked me if I want to match with you. My. Heart. Went. Sky Rocket. My world stopped for a moment. My heart was racing. I was confused at first but then I agreed, because I don’t know when I’ll get that chance again. My hands were cold as ice as I was changing my profile picture. I was so happy. Me. Matching with the guy I was just watching from afar. The guy who never had interest with me before. Imagine how happy I was. I was grinning like a joker but I have to keep my cool and act lowkey.

That same day, I remember you asking if you can see me.  And of course I freaked out. I looked like a mess and the lighting was sooooo bad you have no idea. So it took me a while because I wanted to send the most decent picture in that situation. Then you messaged me that it doesn't have to be much and stuff but of course, I made an excuse. I don't know what I said but it's either "I forgot" or "I fell asleep" hehe. I don't wanna sound like I've been trying to look the best for you like what you've said hehe TwT yk me always lowkey when I have crushes.

update: it was “i fell asleep” but wow i looked so weird here 💀

you didn’t save it which is kinda downing but now im glad coz it’s not that decent as i thought TT

moving on...

You are honestly the cutest thing ever. I've seen the sides of you that no one else did. I never knew that you can be so childish and that made me like you more than before. Believe me, I have a lot of secretly taken screenshots of messages that made my heart go brr. From streaks to even short calls. I have them and I cherish them all. I remember when I was too shy to save your pictures before, that's why I secretly took screenshots of them too. Then I shriek on twitter coz fuck you're so handsome and very worthy of being my crush since the first time I saw you.

I like how you wrote L + W on your chalkboard and mom was all confused, how you drew hearts on the bus window during winter, how you secretly take pictures for streak at school, the streaks that I've waited for all day because that's the time I get to see you. I still have your new year's message after I greeted you too. Every little thing you do, I love them all. The way you freak out while watching your show, the way you act childish and the way you go " :c " just makes me melt.

I discovered a lot of myself and my personalities after meeting you. Maybe because I was so comfortable at showing my emotions, that I don't have to pretend to be strong or to be okay with things I'm not okay with and that I don't need to hold back anything anymore. That's probably why they're too much because I never learned how to control them because I've been sucking it up all these years. 

I never knew relationships can be this hard and overwhelming. I was too innocent for it, I didn't know what was ahead of me or the things that I should maintain or do. It all feels so new. It's like marriage but no kids yet.

We never got to talk on how to handle the things we felt so repetitive and concerning. I like that you're concerned about me for the times we get sad over my sleep schedule hehe TwT but I just wanted to wish you goodnight. I fear that you'll feel lonely all day without me. I got more scared of losing you because of that. When I didn't know that you'd like it more if I sleep. 

We might be different Wyatt, but that's because of our experiences. And that doesn't mean we're not compatible, it's how we handle situations and problems. Compatibility doesn’t mean it’s a perfect relationships. There will always be problems that we’ll encounter that will test us how much we love each other. The kind of love that wont use break up as a solution to resolve a conflict.

From what I've seen, we're both still figuring out how to handle each other. We're two people from different worlds, we have different beliefs on relationships based on what we know from our past experiences. But healthy relationships are not found, they are built. It takes a lot of effort to come up with a conclusion that works for both of us, and the way for that is through communication. We talk it out. I know I've said it a lot but it's one of the ways to understand each other. 

You're probably wondering why I'm still able to keep going and still believing that we could make it. Well, the answer is pretty simple, you. You're the reason why I'm still going. All those words you've said, I kept them so close to my heart.

I wanted to let you go. I've thought about it so many times. But just thinking about how it's going to turn out, I'll probably have so much regrets. You know how tragic love songs are mostly about why they should've stayed instead of walking away, how they could've fought more, how they should've turned back and the regrets they have for giving up. Well, I don't want that. I still have the will to fight, the will to go on and the will to never give up. 

Chances might be lower than what I'm expecting but even if it's 0.0000001%, I'd be willing to take that risk. I loved you so much and I loved you long enough to know you're worthy of my heart. It's just like you said, "There will be more days like this one but we'll get through it all." 

Your words, our memories, our future, is what keeps me going. I'm betting on that small possibility because I'm all in for a better future. It might be hard now, but it will be better. You've gotten this far, we've gotten this far to give up. Because I don't want you to be another memory, another heartbreak filled with broken promises. I told you, I'll prove it in time. I told you that I'll prove to you that forever exists. I want to be worthy of your love as well, the love I failed to keep and take care of...

You're the living breathing proof that dreams do come true. Before, the reason why I never stopped admiring you is because of the thought that, if it's meant for me, it will be mine in time. But I never thought you'd come this soon. I never thought I'll have you because you we're so in love back then as well. I mean, I couldn't really see it coz I haven't seen you talk much about them but I just thought you were. I only ever thought that your girl would be so lucky to have you. If we're not meant to be, then how come we came together even when you never showed any interest in me once? Easy. Things happen for a reason. Life throws shit at you for sure but there's a reason behind it, it leads you to something or someone who would possibly be your endgame, or something that you'd never thought you'd need but came your way.

Having this situation made me realize a lot of things. So maybe this happened for a reason too. I realized how you're more than enough, the efforts you do, the way you grant my wishes... In short, I saw more of your worth than emotions clouded during our relationship. Space is fine because it gives you the peace your mind needs to appreciate all the good things that happened. Sometimes, space is needed for our love to grow more. If it's too tight in between, how would it grow?

But of course, that's only for me. I reminded myself the reason why I loved you in the first place. I scrolled back through our album, the screenshots I took,your videos... everything. And I realized that, wow, you really dont appreciate what you had til you dont get much of it anymore. I'm not saying clingy is bad, it's fine as long as it's not overwhelming.

I refuse to think that all your previous statements will turn out as a lie. Just empty promises with an uncertain tomorrow. The "forever," the "I will never not love you," the "it's impossible for me to leave you," the "I will always be a part of you," the "I can take anything," the "I can handle it" and most importantly our vows and pinky promises. I refuse to believe that those are just some empty words that will be left unfulfilled.

Our mistakes led to this. Yes, "Our" not "My." It will never work if you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes as well. If you choose to give up, then everything we've said was meaningless.

8 months with you are nothing compared to a lifetime without you, when we promised we'll be together for the rest of our lives. I'm not saying our 8 months are nothing, but it's just sad that the good times only lasted for a short time. But looking back, we've come so far and we got the rest of our lives to make more memories and to get to know more of each other. Like I said, time will fix everything.

Maybe the reason why I never get the chance to improve before we got together is because everything happened so fast. Improvements and fixing are made during our relationship. So that must be why we're kinda sloppy. But now that I realized a lot of things, I can say that I improved. I no longer cry for something so little. I trust you more. I'm okay with not calling. And I found hobbies. The only time I ever cried was when I was looking at your pictures, happy tears. I'm happy that at least one of my dreams came true. I was blessed with an amazing and loving husband who showered me with love. Reminiscing our days made me tear up a bit coz I'm glad I spent those days with you.

So yes, we can do better together. Everything gets better no matter how hard it is. We're human and we're capable of change. We made a lot of mistakes but it's okay because we can't change it, but we can change what we can do next. There's nothing we can't do together.

Coz like our vows say...

for better, for worse

for richer, for poorer.

in sickness and in health

to love and to cherish

til death do us part

We may start on a rough path but someday we'll be going through a way smoother path than this, because nothing is impossible.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

I don't know if I'll ever get to do this again or if this will be the last time we get to celebrate our monthsary but I just wanted to say, I love you with all my heart. I found my true love. I hope we'll get better. I hope that someday, you'll come back and love me more again, because nothing is impossible as long as we're together. I'll wait for you, even if it takes 10 years.

[blackwidowmarshal123]

Attack on Titan Fanfic: Survey Corps (Bizzarre morning routine) - South Asian Reader

Every morning I wouldn’t hear a horn or anything to get up, instead everyone gets up knowing what time they supposed to get up. I was a new cadet in that Corps so I was busy trying to know my way around. One time I woke up last minute and had to rush myself running around a chicken just to get to the hallway. A horn would have been best.

Hange is usually in charge of taking role and keeping people in check in case anyone is missing. I noticed Sasha taking care of breakfast in the kitchen with the staff.

On some mornings, I would get up earlier than usual at like 5:30 AM. The first time I woke caused me to witness one of the most bizarre things in my lifetime. It had nothing to with titans. Neither was it something that I saw. I heard by ear. I heard music. Coming from instruments. Couldn’t at first explain what it was, but the sound seemed hella familiar. The long, hard strum of heavy grinding tones coming from a sitar. Another one sounded like a violin at first, but hearing the longer strokes of what sounded like a large bow hitting double octave keys, along with taps of drums or tablas. The violinlike sound was actually an instrument I was so familiar and so deeply in love with, but unfortunately I feel like kicking myself for not knowing the name. I heard a harmonium. I fell into a curious state of mind knowing where it came from and was anyone else aware of it. Seemed like everyone in the room was fast asleep. I also heard a male vocal singing multiple ranges, or ragas. His voice sounded deep and vibrating, kind of sultry. The voice was paired with a slightly higher and sweeter male pitch. The two voices with rotating with turns and also performing accapella. The both voices sounded so heavenly. Were they both Indian men? From what I know, there were hardly any Asians left in this world other Mikasa and myself, particularly South Asian folks. So maybe I’m dreaming.

Within 30 minutes or hearing this, we had to get up.

By the time, we stood in line outside by the horse stables, I finally remembered the word. Sarangi. Perhaps I thought too loud when the person next to me, Armin heard me speak. “What?!” He looked shocked. I was frozen in place. I ended up telling and the others about it later on, while we were all cleaning the building. Eren and Mikasa were curious in finding out about it, even though they’ve never seen or heard any sounds. Connie and Sasha were confused at my explanation of my experience. Reiner thought I was going cuckoo.

That’s it! I thought it better not to say anything more. I have been one to lap my tongue at little too long with nonsense. I kept hearing this every morning, and it drove me crazy to a point where I called it quits on waiting.

I went to investigate myself, by sneaking out with my VM equipment. If I feel like an island, so be it. I followed the sound wherever it resided, having to pass through a patch of forest along the way, now too dark before dawn broke. I came to a stop to find two figures perched on top of a tall boulder next to a cliff. I could not make out the identity of the figure, but from a close view, I could see a green cape with the survey corps symbol. I definitely saw long wooden instruments. But where was the other person? Suddenly I saw the figure turn and and I was in full view and I had to make a dash shooting the wires just in case he was chasing.

As I snuck back into my quarters, I quietly put my equipment away, careful not to wake the others. When I was walking to my bedroom, I saw Jean walk out down the hall only to catch my glance. That’s it! I’m toast. He was about to follow me, until I rushed to my bed room. I was too terrified to think. I don’t Jean well enough to know whether he’ll tell on me to Captain Levi or the Commander. I managed to keep calm throughout the day. But what scared me was how Jean’s eyes were on me occasionally. Even worse, I witnessed Hange and Levi’s eyes were on me. Now what should I do? You know what? Why don’t I give a shot at Jean to explain to him what’s up, even though not gonna lie, he’s not that type of person who likes to listen to people. But maybe I’m overthinking and assuming things. Once again, I don’t understand people too well. I’ve only been here a month. I decided to talk to him during lunch. Get over your paranoia, girl. You need to speak up. That one day of embarrassment is not gonna hurt you.

During lunch break, I looked around for Jean until I found him lingering by himself near a tree, eating alone. Where were Connie and Sasha?“Hey there, Jean. What’s up?”

“Hey (F/N)”.

“Mind if I get a few minutes?” I asked.

“Yeah. Sure… Well I was gonna ask the same question.”

Delighted I sat down on the spot next to him and spoke. “I’m aware you taking notice of my awkward moment in the hallway.”

“Huh?” Or course he’ll say that like he has no clue. But he said, “Yeah I did. So what happened?”

“I have been some strange sounds of music outside of these quarters, somewhere far near the forest.”

He grew a bit pale when I told him. “Are you talking about what happened since last week?”

“Wait…so you know about it. I’m not the only one going crazy.”

“Yeah. I heard the weird sounds, every morning at like literally 5 AM out of all hours. And you’re calling it music?” He scoffed.

“Yeah. But let me tell you. This music sounds so familiar. Immediately when I heard it. I was like… this is not just ordinary music. This is Indian music. Carnatic Indian. Or classic, you may call it.”

Jean called me out on ‘classic’. “But classic is supposed to be European musicians, like Mozart, Bethoven, Vivaldi’s…”

I felt kinda flustered about his judgment. “Listen Jean. You c-can’t Euro-centralize the term “classic”. Believe me, I’ve had another debate with someone who said Indian music is not classic. More like folk. Classic is an older higher class form of music from any country.”

He shrugged. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as rude.”

“Anyways, you wouldn’t believe what I just did. I snuck out just to find out.” I lowered my voice.

Jean raised a brow at me. “Wait, youuu….”

“I went into the forest to find out.” I saw Jean looking around.

“Jeez, wouldn’t you get caught by Levi or something?”

“I know I would but I tried to keep on the down-low. But I came into a clearing and found a large boulder. On top of that boulder, I saw someone sitting up there with instruments. Are you familiar with the sitar?”

“Yeah, I do. I see that long wooden instrument at an international festival at Trost, that my mother used to take me nearly every year.” Jean seems to be on my level now.

“I couldn’t identify the person, but that person most definitely is a member of Survey Corps. I saw the cape and symbol.”

At this ungodly hour. Jean scratched his head. “You know I think I know who it could be.”

I turned my face towards him. “My guess that it could be the Commander.”

My jaw dropped. “I was kinda wondering where Commander Erwin was anyway.” But this is Indian music. How on earth would Erwin have a clue with that stuff. No non-South Asian person outside walls know anything about my music. I’m pretty sure there were no other South Asian scouts. There were tan skinned people like Bertolt and Marco, but there is no trace of South Asianness in them. I can’t go on assuming that no one knows anything outside their own culture. Mikasa has been using her Japanese, and Armin picked up on it pretty well, they both argue in it. “But seriously, a white person like Erwin knows nothing about Indian culture.”

Now it was Jean’s turn to drop his jaw. “You’re saying I know nothing about Indian culture. I know (Indian artist/N) and (Indian artist/N). What about the movie (Ind.movie/N)? Your statement is very overgeneralized.”

I reconsidered my statement.

“What I’m saying is Erwin knowing how to sing Indian ragas is a possibility.”

“Or you could be wrong and it could be Levi.” But Levi being so stern and dour could never pick up on that type of art. Besides he spends most of his day cleaning and ordering around.

Lunch period was almost over and we were all heading back to the kitchen to put away our dishes. “Also another fact, there is a second person.” Jean glanced at me smiling.

“Now you got me talking.” He then scratched his head. “Actually I was thinking, maybe we should both sneak out and check it out? What do you say? You should get up at 5 AM and I’ll be out as soon as you are.”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, I’m down.”

At around 16:00, I was called into the main office. Without fear, I stepped through the doors to see Levi, Hange, and Erwin standing there. I stood frozen in place. I was staring at them until Hange was the first to speak. “Oh, we were just worried about you.”

“Huh?”

“You see we saw you looked kinda terrified. Like you saw a ghost or something. Even Levi was worried when he saw you.”

“Ghost? What ghost?” Then I decided now’s the time to talk about the music situation. “I’ve actually been hearing music every morning at 5:00. Call me crazy but I’ve been hearing these sounds outside of these quarters.”

Levi grew pale. Erwin didn’t move but he kept his eyes on me. Levi asked “What kind of music?”

“Indian music.”

“Indian?”

Hange chuckled. Levi glared at her. “I could offer a decent explanation.”

“Captain, I swear. It’s true. If you may ask….”

Levi raised a hand. He walked towards me and crossed his arms.

“But promise us all that you will keep this a secret among others. You are forbidden to speak about it with another soul. After what I’ve seen you doing that one day.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure whether I was going crazy.”

Hange explained, “But if you asked someone, you may cause others to want to figure it out.”

“With all due respect, the music was loud enough for anyone other than me to discover it.”

With a smirk Erwin finally spoke. “(Y/N). Perhaps I can tell you about my recent project. Knowing that you are waking a bit too early.”

“I’ve been practicing (IG/N)’s volumes. Have you heard of him?”

“I have not.”

“Let’s all sit together and talk.” This gonna get interesting about Erwin opening up about his Indian maestrom side. He’s not just Mr. Eyebrows or Captain American. As the conversation went on and on, Levi and Hange were just sitting there listening in. Levi sipped his tea in his unusual way. Turns out Erwin wanted to organize an event for the Survey Corps to honor cultures going to extinction. “I wanted to keep the last bit of it alive, before next thing you know, the last person alive of your kind is you.”

“You know who else is in this game?” He nudged his head towards Levi.

Levi nearly choked on his tea. He smirked.

“Perhaps tomorrrow, I’ll show you what I’m up to. If our Captain here can also show up like he didn’t yesterday.”

I was delighted. “Why thank you.”

“Just show up to our office, we’ll take you from there.”

I was pretty happy about our meeting. But Jean, I have to remind him not to show up. I found him this evening, and explained to him the situation hoping the he’d not say a single word to anyone, and not show up with me. Otherwise, I’d be in big trouble.