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keo-k · 7 months

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sometimes i think i wasnt an injury-prone child and then i realise im gaslighting myself

tw: fair descriptions of injury?? if you dont like blood uhh dont read <3 this is just me reminiscing on being a child who thinks they cannot feel. pain. sorry if its incoherent im very sick and life feels like a fever dream and i did not sleep last night! this is so diary-entry-core TLDR i had a lot of random injuries and a few medical mysteries.

i keep looking at the middle of my chest like "man where the fuck did i get this scar from" and then i remember this one childhood day where i was filled with hubris and slid down a chain in a playground and my skin tore from under my shirt and i started bleeding terribly ill also occasionally look at the permanent callouses on my hands and remember running down a hill at full speed, followed by rolling down a hill at full speed, crashing into rocky concrete, looking down at my hands and being utterly terrified because they're entirely covered in blood???? its all red??????? also spinning on the biggest rock in the rock garden in front of my house after a friend's birthday party blowing bubbles when i lose my footing and land chin-first into the sharpest rock there, getting blood all over my favourite party dress and having to go to the ER for 6 hours and getting, not stitches, but glue. yeowie. i scratched most of the scar off somehow, just tearing the skin off my face because i didnt like the texture. its still kind of there if you look at the right angle. being in gymnastics class, doing beat swings on the high bars, thinking "whey my hands hurt im gonna drop and get some chalk (for some reason. its not like i was slipping i was just yeowch)", dropping down, looking at my hands and LO AND BEHOLD three inches of the skin beneath my ring finger on both hands is sticking up stupid vertical ! i couldnt use my hands too good for the next two weeks, also the skin sticking up WAS NOT DEAD so i couldnt trim it without feeling excruciating pain. like cutting your ear off :( not really a "when i was younger" thing, still valid now, but i have hyper mobility so im stupid flexible. especially in my ankles! like i cant do sports without wearing ankle braces on both legs. even that cannot save me sometimes, i still die. anyway my mum thought i was a piece of shit and was faking my ankle injuries bc the limping would last like. a whole month wowie! then we realised i just have bad joint. also i can hit the splits anywhere without stretching, i can walk on the literal sides of my ankles (not like. the sides of my feet no no no. go even further beyond.), i can fold my fingers backwards into silly lookin curls without any pain and keep them there no issue, and i have gotten many MANY greenstick fractures even after my bones developed a lot because my bones soft and refuse to break like a normal persons. like my basketball coach will bend my leg back to test how far it goes and i wont feel any pain and he'll say like. "oh thats waaaay too far back to be safe." and ill laugh because it can go WAY further back! and i hate it !

BONUS: ME BEING A MEDICAL MYSTERY WOOOOO up to age 8 i would have these ... seizures? all throughout the night. i would shake super aggressively and it wouldnt wake me up. my mum filmed it one night when she finally caught it on video (she would stay up HOURS ON END trying to catch it. wild). the shaking would start like a twitching at my fingers and would travel to my hand, to my arm, to the rest of my body and youd think i got fucking electrocuted. anyway she showed it to doctors and they brought me in immediately to scan my brain for fuck knows what and they didnt. find anything? like my brain activity was completely normal. they didnt let me out of hopital for a week cus theyre like "THIS ISNT NORMAL SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS KID" but. womp womp. we never found out. i dont shake anymore but i do shmove a lot. like, a lot a lot. and im always tired and im capable of falling asleep standing up. and have minor chronic fatigue. also i had a bullseye-type thingy on my thigh that really, REALLY looked like a tick bite! i was in immense amounts of pain and couldnt properly walk. there was a dot in the middle, and this surrounding ring of red would expand and shrink overtime. very reasonable to think of it as a tick bite. anyway my parents carried me out to the car in the middle of the night so we could go to sick kids. they measured how much the ring would expand by (i dont remeber number. it was beeg.) and then they sent me to the ER out of the concern that i would get lyme disease. they tested me or something idk i was unconcious and. IT WASNT A TICK BITE! you may be asking "so what was it, mr gorgeous fish?" um. well heres why this is in the 'medical mystery' section. they never found out. it went away a day later and we were just like "ah. okay." so. whoops. when i was a toddler they put me in an mri thing where they uh. strapped me down because toddlers usually freak out and damage the mri thingy? anyway. was in there for two hours. and i did not freak out. at all. i was asleep for one of the hours, but the second one i just laid there very awake and very still and the doctors thought i had brain. damage. i didnt! yay ! i also have many chronic illness now. weeeee i probably missed a lot of my stories here but anyway. heres me being silly

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shjapologist · 4 years

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pls share some of ur 600+ knowledge of s class

oh my GOD anon the amount of bullshit geunseo has been putting us through is fucking insane(S-CLASS SPOILERS AHEAD)

so first off, against everyone who has ever read this novel’s expectations, han yoojin and sung hyunjae actually have.... a healthy relationship going on now! there was some rly fucking good character development to reach that point, especially 4 shj, somefuckign how!!! i went from wanting this guy dead to thinking If Someone Doesnt Put A Ring On This Man In The Next Fifteen Seconds Ill Do It Myself on loop. all the time.

now with the power of (business)partnership han yoojin and sung hyunjae(jinjae 4 short) manage to embody every couple w too much pda that has ever existed in the history of ever. some highlights:

shj turning into hyjs sweets dispenser.

shared a bed once then never talked about it ever again

INSIDE JOKES. SO MANY FUCKING INSIDE JOKES.

that one time hyj threatened to bomb shj’s house if he continued to ghost him

hyjs terror of letting anyone close but still gathering the courage to reach back to shj.

shj taking up knitting

haha what if we were both in an improvised rose garden late into the night and i lighted both our cigarettes at the same time by setting a rose on fire between them with my lighting powers? haha just kidding..... unless..?

stabbing is peak romance

hyj’s giant array of knitted hot pink clothes.

haha what if you sat me down on a hotel desk and cleaned up my split lip while i confide in you about my grief over my late brother. haha just kidding. unless.

and what if you were the first person i talked extendly of my trauma with and you helped me work through it sometimes without me even realizing. jsut fuckging gdikiddn

that time hyj lost all his clothes except for his boots and shj’s coat.

shj: if i don’t hold han yoojin-gun at every chance i get i will die.

kid acquisition

shj’s "do you injure him grievously at your own hands or let him go without hurting him and send him to very likely torture and possible death" dilemma.

hyj’s “i can’t believe he wouldn’t cut off my leg >:(” dilemma.

sexy wine pouring

actually, just general sky high amounts of UST.

there’s more. there’s definitely more but if i look for all of them ill b stuck here the whole evening. OTHER batshit insane things that have happened in s-class:

manifesting your inner cat boy

hyj shooting shj, stw and hyh in the head without flinching.

snapping loved one from berserker state trope, not limited to 1 person (sometimes that takes a very good die)

hyj getting kidnapped(again)

stw evolution from govt dog in dire need of vacation to dilf in dire need of a vacation

3 new kids in the span of 3 months.

hyj getting kidnapped(Again. this time worse than the others 💔 see “very likely torture and possible death” point)

grandpa figure acquisition(i am in love with him)

that one time hyj stripped in front of a whole banquethall-ful of people

hyj 🤝 stw “working on hating ourselves a little less”

han yoojin’s childhood sacrifices.

oh wow so turns hyj knew more people than expected pre-regression, huh?

both han bros’ childhood trauma dude what the fuck their parents were so awful im glad theyre dead

shj and song taewon went on frequent business trips tgt precanon so shj knows the most mundane shit about him like his favorite toothpaste flavor. just songseong things ❤

giving my most powerful skill to the person i hate the most right before i die in a doomed timeline because i want him to live a normal life when i never could. just songseong things 💔

SOME people are at a high risk of dying. are they doing anything about it? at some point they will have to. for now, are they sticking to recklessly making it WORSE? yes.

streamers are evil little incels, this transcends webnovel universes.

han yoohyun’s atrophied tolerating people who aren’t hyung muscles moving for the first time in...... for the first time!

found family :)

i left out other p big spoilers bc i wasn’t sure if you’d like to see them, hmu if you want more details! im always happy to talk about s-class :)

#the s-classes that i raised #ask #s-class spoilers #ca jacte.txt #mysranks

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years

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oh gosh this is like the fourth ask ive sent you in maybe a few hours, but now im wondering how bronte was treated when he manifested as an inflictor. like. from what we know, there have been no other inflictors before or after bronte (until sophie) and like. it mustve been...pretty wild to develop an ability whose sole purpose is to hurt and inflict pain onto others in a society that is completely averse to violence.

and also i had a though recently- what if elves werent always averse to violence? weve had hints dropped that elves have done some pretty wild shit (i think theres a mention in a book somewhere that insinuates elves have a lot of power and have used it in battles before) and now im wondering if the damage caused by elven abilities getting out of hand led to the matchmaking system (in the way that the matchmaking would ensure that the "no violence" gene passed onto more people- and maybe it was even entirely artificial?) although im not too sure about that one.

BUT BACK TO BRONTE, i find it really interesting since like...i mean, people mustve done some studies on him, right? like, theyre not just gonna let a threat....wander around or something. especially depending on the age he manifested (and i dont think sophie unnaturally manifested her inflicting, so it seems to be brought upon by emotion and stress, which means that he couldve manifested at like. literally any age. i mean sophie was, what, really young? idk where im going with this since sophie's inflicting is artificial but yeah) so im just. what did they do????? i mean, there had to be something bronte was basing his lessons for sophie off of, so im assuming either he or others did some looking into how inflicting works, but honestly all the scenarios i can think of for that are. uh. kinda really awful?

idk where im going with this but. yeah. huh. thats a weird thing to think about. and something were never getting answers to. thats fun.

- pyro

(also it is very late so apologies for any misspellings and stuff!)

welcome back, pyro my beloved!! you're welcome to send as many asks as you want whenever you want--your insights are always fascinating

i feel like inflictors and mesmers might be treated similarly in elven society--grady did mention an interaction he had with Bronte where he received some advice about his ability once--because they hold a certain level of coercive power over others. it's like they're treated like a threat just because they have the potential to be one. the same way people assume grady mesmerizes others to get whatever he wants, they may assume Bronte would hurt anyone who doesn't give him what he wants, if that comparison makes sense

as for him being the only inflictor, we're left with the option that either he really is the only one, or there was someone else once who has since bit the dust, kicked the bucket, flown to close to the sun, some other strange idiom for dying. both have a lot of negative implications, but I'm gonna stick with the "he's the first and only" one for rn.

also, you're idea about elves not always being averse to violence prompts a lot of thought! what were they like before that? were there more volatile, destructive abilities? what was the world like back then that necessitated those abilities? what happened to those people and their abilities--i'm assuming they're dead now. and since elves are now averse to violence, those abilities are like dead abilities (like dead languages), as no one has them and no one will have them ever again. they're bodies couldn't handle it anymore.

kinda ties into the idea of matchmaking--although instead of the "no violence" gene I think they might've also tried to specifically keep the really powerful abilities from being passed on, things like Bronte's inflicting that appeared to be rooted entirely in violence. or! idea: what if there was something so horrific that happened as a result of elven violence that it permanently changed how they perceive it, becoming an instinctual need to get away from it. my brain is trying to relate this to the uncanny valley effect, like how it's this instinctual discomfort.

if i'm remembering correctly, sophie naturally manifested her inflicting when she was nine, so as long as bronte was stressed enough--and he wasn't living during a time of peace. i don't think the treaties had been established yet--he could reasonably manifest even younger. and this is an ability no one has seen before! here is this elven child, this small kid, just absolutely loosing it and hurting everyone around him. i think the only way Forkle got Sophie to stop was by inflicting back on her, but there wouldn't have been anyone able to do that for Bronte. I can't imagine he likes his ability, every time he's used it it's hurt someone. it was probably trial and error to teach him, maybe even him just abandoning what others were saying--because no one else had a violent ability and could understand--and just figured it out on his own. i'm fairly sure the knot of threads under the ribs trick Sophie uses is one Bronte developed himself, so I've just always thought he was using personal experience to teach her.

i also don't know where I'm going with this, but bronte as a whole is a very interesting character! there's so much about his backstory we don't know and probably never will. just inflicting as a whole stands out as an ability because it just doesn't make sense for an elf to have. if i don't stop now i never will, but those are some of my Thoughts !!

#the elves said they demonstrated power through their wealth essentially i think #that's what oblivimire was for (i don't think i spelled that right)#both through the threatening outward appearance and whatever they kept inside #maybe people #but i think the idea of powerful elves is also intriguing #oh that reminds me of vespera. what if the powerful elves were just elves gone wrong?#there's so much to that too #pyro you are excellent #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #long post #quil's queries #pyrokinetic-loser #councillor bronte

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #me on the first post:#its not a liveblog!#me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one #i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time #and crowds my blog less #and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol #dp thoughts

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soulwillower · 4 years

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heather • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

[based off the song heather by conan gray]

requested: OMG I HAVE AN IDEA IDK IF ITS GOOD AND IDK WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT CAN U DO A FIC WHERE LIKE ITS BASED OF YHE SONG HEATHER BY CONAN GRAY WHERE THE READER AND RICH HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR SO MANY YEARS AND HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACHOTHER BUT THERE BOTH SO OBLIVIOUS- SO WHEN RICHIE LIKE GETS A GF ONE DAY THE READER JUST WHSKWHDIWHWIW IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE AT THE END THEY REALIZE THEYRE IN LOVE. SORRY IF ITS TOK SPECIFIC. LOVE U. IM RUNNING OUTTA CHARACTERS

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, themes of cheating but no actual cheating, angst, fluff at the end, unedited.

thank u guys so much for being so patient with this fic <3 love u all so much!

[losers + reader are 18+ in this.]

4.4k words

(also, this fic starts with a flashback and idk if i like this style, but lmk if it works)

♡

the persistent beat thudding in your ears seems to do nothing more than dim your already low mood as you sip on lemonade by yourself in someone's basement bar, sitting on an uncomfortable metal barstool and leaning your head heavy against your chin.

these days, it seemed as though the world was painted in gray.

you look around almost lazily; bev and ben went outside in the snow a couple minutes ago, stan just took a girl upstairs - you're left alone now, because mike and eddie had to study for their exam and bill was feeling under the weather. and richie, as usual, was late.

there's almost twenty other people in the room right now, but you have no desire to speak to any of them. you've been trying to have fun tonight, but you're just having a hard time, feeling distracted and unable to stop thinking about wire framed glasses and a certain bright smile.

your wandering eyes halt your thoughts as a girl in your class - heather perez - catches your eye from across the room, her hair falling in natural curls that makes you sigh in envy. she smiles and waves at you warmly, gesturing for you to come and sit with her. you swallow and look down into your cup of dreary, graying lemonade as you try not to think about how you look in comparison. she's so fucking pretty. you look back up and shake your head with a friendly smile, faker than a plastic flower, and nod to the bathroom. she shrugs and smiles, turning back around.

she was too sweet, it hurt.

her naturally dark hair, long and wavy, her smooth dark skin, her laugh.... but suddenly, your head snaps back up after recognizing a familiar sight on heather's figure.

-is that richie's sweater?

your heart thumps and churns in the most unsavory way as all the breath leaves your lungs in one swift exhale. you feel sick to your stomach and your hand falls to hit the counter to stabilize yourself, the lemonade sloshing out of the cup slightly. but you pay no mind. heather's wearing richie's sweater...

you know that sweater really well. it's definitely his, and for some reason that makes you want to cry.

you blink and force yourself to suck air into your lungs as you look around quickly, anywhere but at heather perez wearing richie tozier's sweater, with all the stripes and patterns and the rough polyester material. you're not sure why you're so caught off-guard, you knew that heather perez was maybe-kinda-sorta seeing your trashmouth. he'd mentioned it in passing a few times and you've not been able to keep it off your mind as bev and bill whisper to richie about it in the halls or during hangouts when you were laying in stan's lap pretending not to hear it.

it hurts, though. holy hell, does it hurt when richie turns the corner and the typical, 'hey, richie!' choruses through most of the people in the basement - and yet his eyes are just set on her.

it hurts even worse when you make eye contact with him and he smiles at you, nodding in greeting and calling a "hey there, toots!" over the thumping of the noise before turning back towards heather.

your heart thumps erradically as you eye him sliding an arm around her shoulders easily, pulling her into his tall lanky frame, crushing your chest and deflating your trembling heart. heather's head falls onto richie's shoulder and you shiver, feeling colder than you've felt in so long. the lemonade you force to your lips tasting like stale water as the sight of richie pinching heather's shoulder and thumbing his own sweater on her frame make you feel empty.

even now, weeks later, you remember how it felt. you sip on the boiling tea and immediately burn your tongue, making you swear as you stare out your window, the snow falling around your house in the dark making you feel an odd, empty kind of peace. that fucking sweater.

you haven't talked to richie in almost a week and a half - he got in trouble the night after the party and his parents took his phone away - at eighteen years old, his parents took his phone - so that he could 'spend time with family' (a task that made you chuckle to yourself when bill had explained it to you about twelve days ago).

it's winter break, though, and you've been missing the last piece of your eight-person puzzle the last few times you've hung out with your friends. it feels empty without richie's boisterous shenanigans, snarky looks and goofy comebacks... you feel really embarrassed for missing him so deeply.

tears well up in your eyes as you think again about his damn sweater, the one that heather was wearing, the same one he'd given you not even three weeks prior.

"well look at you." richie says with amusement trickling through his voice like melting icewater through a calm creek. you spin towards him with a grin eclipsing your face as you shrug around his sweater, pretending not to smell his strong scent and pretending not to feel the immediate comfort it gives you.

"you know, for as dumb as it looks, i kind of like it." you tease, brushing some hair back from your eyes as the sweater sleeves fall back down past your hands. he laughs, eyes not leaving you for a second.

"shit, doll. keep it." he says, sounding serious. it makes you pull a face at him, starting to lift it slightly over your head to return it to its rightful owner.

but he shakes his head, hands gently gripping your arms and halting your motions, subsequently setting your heart on fire. his lips are set in a gentle grin as he shakes his head again. "it looks so much better on you."

it's spoken simply, in such honestly that it makes you blush nearly immediately. in fact, you're so flustered that all you can do is shove him a bit, stuttering out a quiet, "shut up, richie, you- i - okay, whatever."

it makes him chuckle as he takes the soft blow of your hands against his shoulders, deftly running his hands through his curly locks as he shakes his head. "you're adorable, kid."

you're lucky he'd turned around to gripe around on his messy bed for his laptop, because the stupid grin you're sure is painting your face is enough to make you dig your own grave and then hand him the shovel. if only he knew how much you liked him.

you didn't keep the sweater after that night, though. at the time, you'd told him it was because it was putrid; that the colors and patterns were a sin to man and that you'd never be caught dead wearing it out. he laughed the whole time because you had literally worn it to the store with him it with him that same day. but now, you'd give anything for richie to give you that sweater again, to feel that polyester inseam fall against your stomach and your arms and chest, like a huge richie hug (without all the bones and the cologne and the caffeine-pulsing heartbeat - so not a real richie hug, but as close as you could get to the real thing without actually just having it).

god, you like him too much. you rub your face with your palm, the moisture from the tears that had accidentally escaped your eyes smudging against your face. you're tired, almost - it's like an empty, heartbroken exhaustion that sags your shoulders and chokes your throat and makes you zone out for minutes at a time. one thought overwhelms you right now, so as you see a car's headlights shine out your window through the falling snow, you don't even notice it.

you just wish you were heather.

you've tried to hate her. really, you have - you figured maybe, just maybe, if you were able to rant to bev or eddie about how much of a bitch heather is, how she's terrible to richie and how boring she was, maybe you could justify the heartbreak in your chest.

but god, she's so perfect. heather, with her shiny hair, bright smile, her flawless mind and caring heart. she's, as far as you're concerned, an angel. of course richie would choose heather, who wouldn't?

the other day at that party, you'd tried your hardest to ignore your intrusive thoughts, but you can't help feeling like it would all be better if heather didn't exist. and even that thought alone hurts your heart, because you remember the smile on richie's face when he looked at her, swathed in his sweater and floating around the room like a beacon of light.

and you could never, ever in good conscience take that from richie.

you almost laugh at how absurd it is - now you're talking to yourself while you stare out the window, half asleep, dreaming of freckles placed just like constellations and crooked noses, of jawlines that jut out and long, lanky fingers; of loud, chipping laughter and beat up high-tops with cuffed corduroy pants.

"y/n?" a voice behind your door makes you jump a bit, unsettling your already disconcerted bones. you’re imagining him, now? you laugh into your scalding mug for a second, but after a double-take at the doorway you find the angel himself to be standing there with a perplexed look.

"richie, what're you doing here?" you ask, rubbing your eye to make sure no tears are left. he looks troubled. "i knocked, but nobody answered. so..." he says with a shrug, and you ned, tucking a leg under yourself and nodding.

"what are you doing, toots?" he asks, backlit by the hallway light. and then you finally can see what he's wearing, and you almost laugh at your own misery.

but you don’t laugh, your brain short-circuiting as you feel the knife twist further into your abdomen. the stupid fucking sweater.

“-um, nothing. y- did you get that back from heather?” you try to deliver the line as smoothly as possible, but by the look on his face, you did a real shit job at that.

“what?” he asks in an exhale as he shakes snowflakes from his hair and shoulders, closing your door as he walks towards you and falls to sit next to you on your windowsill seat.

“i thought you gave her that sweater.” you say and he raises a brow, “yeah, like two weeks ago.” he says slowly, eyeing you. he adds, “she obviously didn’t need it after that.”

you frown, “did she need it then?” you didnt try to sound bitter at all, but your voice comes with more of a sting than you’d anticipated.

as always, richie meets fire with fire. “it was twenty fuckin’ degrees out, she was wearing a tank top.”

you don’t know what to say so you just stare out the window with a quick huff, crossing your arms. "why does it matter? it's a sweatshirt." he mutters. "i was just being nice to her."

you nod, pain twisting around in your stomach. he's right, it's just a sweater. but he gave it to her, because he likes heather better.

“what’s up with you, kid?” he asks, gentler this time.

“don’t call me kid, richie.” you say sharply, not meeting his eyes. “and there’s nothing up with me.” you know you’re being difficult, but you really don't have the energy to argue with him right now.

it’s quiet again, and the silence is even more awkward. you take another scalding sip of your tea.

“um, y/n... is this because of heather?” he says after a bit. you feel the tension that the acknowledgment brings as it hits you in the thick, cold air. richie’s tapping a rhythm on his thigh, so you can tell he feels it too.

"richie." you say weakly, your voice coming out too quiet, too obviously broken and exhausted. "i cannot do this. please don't do this right now"

he blinks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "sugar, i'm so lost right now."

you decide to change the subject. "-why'd you come over?" you ask, actually looking at him then immediately regretting it. he looks hurt and confused, like a lost puppy.

"oh. um, i just need to tell you something.it's about heather, too." he sounds anxious, and you roll your eyes, looking down at the tree outside your room as wind blows powdery white mounds off its branches.

“can this just wait until tomorrow?” you whisper. doesn't he get it?

it's quiet and for a moment you believe that he's going to leave it, to not bring up the obvious jealousy brewing in your chest. but he breaks the silence too soon.

"i tried to kiss her." he says and you immediately look towards the door, the most immediate escape possible.

your breathing gets heavy; if you have to hear this, you know you'll admit your feeling to richie, and you don't want to do that to him. but you have a suspicion that he already knows.

"richie, i'm so, so glad to see you. and that you like heather. really, i am. but- it's not a good time. i'm not- i'm not okay." you say, voice thick as tears well behind your eyes.

richie’s eyes widen almost comically as you make eye contact and his hands immediately find purchase on your arms, his thumbs rubbing in the way that he has done ever since that one foggy summer you spent in the sewers. "y/n/n, what's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, watching sadly as a tear slips from your cheek. it breaks your heart when he calls you sweetheart, and you shake your head.

you can't tell him the truth - that you love him, so instead, you mumble, "i've missed you. there's a lot going on, and i just really need you."

he looks guilty as he pulls you into a warm hug, one that takes you off guard but that you return gratefully. "you've been too busy spending time with heather and with your parents, and i understand that, i just - you know, i miss you." you say, voice muffled as your cheek is squished into his shoulder. he sighs shakily, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “i know i’ve been with her a lot, i’m sorry sugar.” he mutters.

it feels like you’re both holding something back from the other.

"i wish i were heather." you say against his shoulder, knowing richie’s completely unaware of the depth of your statement. but he pulls back and stares at you, an unknown look on his face. you open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off before you can get anything out.

and his lips fall against yours lightly, almost as if they’re ghosts against yours. his presence feels fleeting.

you barely close your eyes and press closer to him before you snap out of it, jerking backwards with wide eyes.

richie’s eyes fall open too as he looks at you questioningly. your heart is thumping heavy as you shake your head, more shocked than you thought ever possible. “what?” he asks, as if he’s surprised you’re not kissing back.

you give him a sad, broken look. you think you’ll cry as you mutter, "why would you ever kiss me? i'm not - i'm not nearly as pretty as her, i'm just-"richie suddenly looks like he might get sick, his face paler than usual as the steam from your tea dwindles idly between you. he cuts you off. "-why are you - why are you saying all these things y/n/n-”

“heather. you like heather.” you say frantically, trying to remind him so you dont have to live through this fresh faced heartbreak twice as painful if he kisses you again.

but richie shakes his head, and your confusion skyrockets just as much as your heartbeat."no. a-amy asked her out." he says breathlessly. "-she said yes."

you blink, pulling even further away as it dawns on you. "wait. so... so you only want to see me after the girl you wanted finds someone else?" you ask, watching as the smile gets smacked off of richie's face so quickly you think it may give him whiplash. "wait, no-" he starts, but you shake your head.

“richie, do you understand how hurtful that is?” you say, voice heavy as you try not to let tears fall.

he shakes his head, eyes glossing with tears as he gapes at you, “n-no, y/n-“

“fuck, richie. i know you know about my feelings for you. how could you do this? i’m not heather, i’m reminded that every time i’m in the same room as the two of you. she’s had you completely mesmerized for the last month, you can’t just use me to distract yourself.” you say, your tea completely forgotten as a tear escapes your eye.

he shakes his head, looking at you with an emotion you don’t have the energy to decipher. “leave, richie.” your voice is broken and it shakes as you look away from him.

you’re not sure what you were expecting, but when richie stands up silently you dont even look away from the window. you see him wipe his cheek in your peripheral before he sighs quietly and walks out of your room, shutting the door quietly.

you cry openly as you hear your door shut downstairs, your hands shaking as you cover your face, your shoulders shaking with sobs. you make it under your covers just as you hear a car engine sputter outside, your heart empty and lips still tingling as the feeling of richie’s lips linger on yours. you groan into your pillow and let out another sob, your eyes squeezing in agony as your heart feels like it’s ripping in two.

because even if they’re not together, richie still likes her.

why couldn’t you be heather?

you cry until you’re asleep, your now cold mug of tea resting on the windowsill as your phone charges next to you and snow swirls in the dark sky.

when you wake up the next morning, your headache is nearly blinding. you feel like crying more as you remember last night. you roll over and rub your eyes, unlocking your phone groggily.

but you check your notifications and your heart immediately stops as you see a missed call from richie at 3:49 in the morning last night, and a voicemail left a minute later.

well, you guess he got his phone back.

your fingers tremble as they hover above the play button, feeling like you may vomit from anxiety - the message he left is two minutes long.

closing your eyes, ready for even more heartbreak, you press play and hold the speaker to your ear.

“um, y/n.” the voicemail starts off, and you’re already tearing up because richie’s voice is full to the brim with anxiety and he’s not using his usual nicknames for you.

“uh... okay, i- i know it’s four in the morning, and you’re probably asleep - god, i hope you are, and that you’re not ignoring me. not that i dont deserve it, but i just want you to get good rest. uh, a-anyways. fuck,” there’s an awkward pause and you’re holding your breath.

“you know i’m not good with phone calls or voicemails-“ his rambling just adds to your anxious feeling, but you think if you don’t listen to this, your anxiety would eat you alive.

“- fuck, i don’t know how to say this. kind of ironic, i guess, since i’ve been thinking about saying it like every day for probably more than a year- okay, i’m... god, spit it out, trashmouth.” his voice gets thicker and you can hear the emotion as he takes a shallow breath.

“y/n/n, you make my hands shake. i swear, my heart feels like it’s going to backfire and explode when we touch... and it scares me so fucking bad.” you feel your heart halt in your chest, the air leaving your lungs.

you keep the phone pressed tightly to your ear as richie’s recorded voice goes on.

“-fuck, y/n. i’m terrified. sometimes i think.... like, whoever created me... they designed me just to be yours. and... it’s not in the same way i feel about bev, or bill, or eddie-“ his voice breaks as he sniffs on the other end and it dawns on you that he’s crying. “-you’re you. you’re y/n. i tried to like heather as more than just a friend. but...” it’s silent for a second.

“i just kept comparing her to you. i do that with everybody. i think i’m broken. i love you so much that it hurts.” he’s crying enough by now that it’s leaking into his speech; he’s hiccuping, stuttering slightly, his inflection changing as you can almost picture the tears rolling off his thick eyelashes and onto his rosy cheeks.

“-and i can’t sleep right now knowing that i hurt you like this. i can’t believe that i let you think of yourself as lesser than heather in any way-“ he sobs quietly in the recording and takes a stuttering breath. "i can’t believe i put myself before you. i’m such a shitty friend. i should’ve been giving you my stupid fucking sweaters the whole time.”

tears are pouring out of your eyes as you sit up, ripping the comforter off your legs. you’re pulling on socks and your shoes as you continue to listen to richie’s voicemail.

“i’m sorry that i kissed you, and i’m sorry that i dragged you into this m-mess, that i used heather as an excuse to ignore my feelings for you. i-i love you so fucking much, and i’m just so scared of hurting you. i’m so sorry that i hurt you, y/n.”

you have to see him.

“-and, um, i’m sorry i left this voice message. this is probably the worst way to find this out but i figured that it would be easier for us to ignore if it wasn’t in person- y’know, because you don’t have to respond. just- now you know. that i’m sorry, and that i don’t expect you to forgive me or want to speak to me for a while. i just- i need you to know that you’re so loved, y/n. and that you deserve so much better than me.

“so, um, okay. i’ll let you sleep now. b-bye.” he whispers the end and then the line cuts dead.

you’re left with shaking breath and tears in your eyes as his voice rings in your head. you try to take in what he’s just said, but you think you’re about to pass out.

how can richie love you back?

you brush your teeth almost aggressively as your heart beats erratically in your chest and then you’re suddenly flying down the snowy road towards the tozier’s house.

you realize too late that you look completely awry, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and swollen, shoes untied as you knock on the front door of richie's house.

went opens the door, richie’s younger sister sat on his hip as he smiles at you, "y/n! long time no see. richie's upstairs in his room."

you smile at him in thanks, too rushed to say anything to him or munch. then you’re all but sprinting up the stairs, only feeling the anxiety as you throw open the door to his bedroom.

you're relieved that he's laying in his bed, surrounded by pillows and fluffy comforters as he jumps from the noise of your arrival.

when he sits up, neither of you say anything. his eyes are red and rimmed with tears, a heartbreaking sight as his lower lip trembles slightly. you're sure you look the same as you take a step towards his bed, your eyes not leaving each other's for a second.

he looks incredible, still.

"y/n..." he whispers finally, his eyes wide. "did you get my message?" he says, lips tilting in a stupid, forced smile. his voice holds no humor in it's sad thickness, though, and you sigh as you look down to the carpet.

you shake your head, "can you not joke for a minute, rich?"

he laughs wetly, standing up fully and although he towers at 6'0, he looks so small. "i can try, doll, but then i'll start to cry a lot, and that's just not what anybody wants-"

"richie." you say, effectively ceasing his rambling. it's cold in his room, bright white from the snow outside, and silent. he looks at you with huge eyes and a red nose.

but you don't know what to say. you’ve spent so long wanting to be heather, but now you've found out that richie's loved you this whole time. it hurts, but you can't wait another second being away from richie.

you launch yourself towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your mouth.

this time, the kiss is warm, unexpected again but much more loving. it's a kiss that tastes like tears and love and trust, and all you can feel is richie as his hands find purchase on your cheek and back, pulling you so close to him that you can feel is rapid heartbeat.

he pulls back to mumble against your lips, "i'm so sorry." you shake your head, pressing another kiss to his and loving the feeling of richie against you finally. "i love you." you say, feeling his grin against your mouth.

"i love you so much." he says, pulling you lightly to fall onto his bed with him and tickling your sides.

you laugh lightly, swatting at his prodding fingers. "please stop crying." he whispers, laying above you with a small smile. you roll your eyes, "you stop crying rich." you retort, and he shakes his head, one of his tears falling onto your cheek. you jump from the feeling and wipe it away, sniffling a gasp and pulling him into a tight hug, his legs tangling with yours.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks so his lips pucker out and you smile at him, whispering, “i forgive you, rich. i love you.” and then you place a soft kiss to his lips and he kisses you back enthusiastically. he pulls back and hugs you again, burrowing himself in your neck.

"i didn't think i'd ever get you." he says, muffled by his face in your shoulder. "thank you for trusting me. i love you so much." he kisses your collarbone lightly and your fingers play through his curls lightly as you smile, eyes closing. you're so tired.

"i love you more, richie."

you fall asleep with richie curled up beside you, his breath light on your chest and arms clutching you against him. you fall asleep with richie’s lips on your neck, his legs entangled with yours.

you fall asleep contently, knowing that you no longer have to wish you were heather.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @simplesammyx @brxken-heartsclub @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters <33

#richie tozier x reader #losers x reader #losers club x reader #jewish richie tozier #bill denbrough x reader #stanley uris x reader #beverly marsh x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #ben hanscom x reader #mike hanlon x reader

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imagines-mha · 4 years

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League of villains and the type of s/o they need

Characters: Shigaraki, Dabi, Twice, Toga, Spinner, Compress, Kurogiri

➟ Did someone say patient??

➟ Before you guys date, be prepared for a LONG, SLOW, AGONISING wait

➟ He’ll push you away 93817 times before even letting you know his favourite colour smh

➟ You'll have to be thick-skinned. He has a tendency of saying things he doesn’t mean to test your ability to put up with him

➟ It wouldn’t be surprising if he tried his best to turn you off him cus he doesn’t believe he deserves ur love :(

➟ Affection is key, but in small doses

➟ When you’re alone and he’s being vulnerable- don’t treat him like he’s weird. Don’t even point it out, just let it happen and he’ll love you forever cus it takes a LOT for him to put down his guard

➟ Run your fingers through his hair, lace your pinky with his- cliché little reminders of your love. Remember how utterly touch-starved he is- the tiniest touches mean everything

➟ Having a motherly nature would be helpful. He forgets to shower, eat, drink water, function, and he’ll really appreciate your gentle reminders as opposed to kurogiri’s nagging ones

➟ Also- he’s a tantrum child with both mommy and daddy issues. You’re gonna need to be there for him when he gets out of hand

➟ Someone like his mother would be ideal for him: soft, understanding, gentle, caring

➢ Yeah ur gonna have to be able to throw a few punches when the time comes

➢ He’s gonna run ur ass deep into the ground with his hard-hitting comments and straight-up insults. And he’ll probably pick a fight with you just to see how your body moves 🙄

➢ He doesn’t rlly mean what he says. He just finds it hot when you get mad

➢ If you’re good at arguing then dam 😳😳 he’s gonna be SHOOK

➢ You gotta like to tease, and like to be teased. He’ll pull your hair while he walks past you, you’ll shove him into the door when he’s not on guard. Simple things, yaknow?

➢ Enemies to lovers; slow burn; 500k

➢ He’s a secret glutton for your touch tho. Has no issue with grabbing your ass in public or dragging you into his room to fuck you whenever he wants. Be spontaneous 🧚🏻��♀️✨

➢ POSSESSIVE DOE 😳

➢ If he sees you being too friendly with one of the members the league, then good luck bro cus his punishments HURT LIKE A BITCH

➢ Remind him he’s the only one you want- the only one you have eyes for. Then he’ll be satisfied

➟ please give him your heart. All of it.

➟ He’ll nourish it and water it and care for it like he’s never done with anything else before

➟ Boy has got so much love to give and he wants to give it ALL to you

➟ Someone spontaneous would suit him well. He’s excitable, and operates on a lot of last minute decisions. If you’re regulated with schedules and times, he’s not the guy for you

➟ You gotta be versatile. Able to take high ass doses of energy one second and snarky comments the next

➟ Also thick-skinned. If he splits and calls you a bitch, he doesn’t mean it. It hurts but you gotta understand it- plus he’ll make up for it with thousands of apologies afterwards

➟ Someone who can take a LOT of affection and PDA. If he’s in the same room as you, you can bet your ass he’s gonna be HOLLERING about how much he loves you. His hands will NEVER stop touching you when you’re together in public

➟ He’s so soft. Listen to him bro. Like hear his struggles and trace your fingers over his scars and tell him all he means to you

➟ He’s a baby when it comes to comfort man he just wants someone to hold him

➢ Oh my god DUDE you have got to have SO MUCH SKILL

➢ She’s a problem child at best. If you ain’t gonna at least guide her in the direction of right and wrong, you and your family might end up dead

➢ Just a reminder of her love

➢ Sometimes you gotta talk to her like she’s a child to make her understand. Her moral compass was blown to bits years ago- she’s gonna need someone firm

➢ But also someone who can handle her extent

➢ She’s very forward- and she’ll probably try to take your blood more than you’d probably want her to

➢ But once you tame her, she’s a cutie

➢ Talks a lot calmer with you- and seems a hell of a lot more human than before

➢ She’s really good at listening to you, and even better at taking you into her arms and treating you like you’re the most important thing in the entire world

➢ because to her, u are 🥺

➢ When she chills out, falling in love with her is as easy as pie

➟ Someone NON JUDGEMENTAL.

➟ He genuinely doesn't believe he deserves love. Like ik it’s emo but he’s been thru some shit and he thinks he’s gonna die alone

➟ u gonna need to prove him wrong

➟ Any kind of affection makes him red in the face and dizzy. With that in mind, give him all the affection you have

➟ You gotta be clean too cus his room is a MESS and he’s gonna need the reminders and help fixing it up

➟ Same interests would be nice, or at least have an understanding for gaming and why he loves it sm

➟ If you’re a girl who plays grand theft auto tho,,, he’s 😳 simping respectfully

➟ But fr you gotta treat this man like he’s the cutest guy in the world. He’s flustered as fuck, but he has SO much love in him

➟ You gotta have some level of maturity. He has no time for lackadaisy, over-bubbly girls who are never sad

➟ Show him your depth and then he’ll knock down his walls

➢ Can you handle a tease??

➢ God i fuckin hope you can cus this man is RELENTLESS

➢ You gotta have some level of class like let’s not lie

➢ If you’re well-versed in poetry, got that dark academia aesthetic goin on, read a lot- he’ll FALL SO HARD

➢ he just wants that live-mysteriously-in-the-woods-with-my-lady aesthetic

➢ Act surprised and impressed when he graces you with his magic tricks. He’ll want to show you first, since your acceptance is his top priority so u better act like one direction has reunited to give you a personal bedroom concert u hear me x

➢ You gotta be a romantic. Man’s gonna perform the most GRANDIOSE expressions of love

➢ Kissing your knuckles, dipping you into his arms, bridal style carrying you everywhere, cheesy old-fashioned pet names???? Atsuhiro has GOT it

➢ And he loves to hear it all back

➢ He’s a dad, too. And he wants a girl who is motherly. It may sound traditional, but if you know how to cook and clean etc like a housewife, he’ll be swooning

➟ Oh my god you have got to be delicate. And you have to be okay with being babied

➟ He’s a quiet man with a hell of a lot of strength. He does manage the entire league of problematic kids after all

➟ If you’re mature like he is with a romantic side, he’ll be drawn to you so fast like SNAP. U got his whispy heart beating

➟ But also- be a little carefree yakno like he loves to relax as much as the next genetically modified ex-hero-in-training rip shirakumo

➟ Loves the type of girl who’s unafraid to be truly romantic. Slowdance with him in the bar at 3am and he’ll believe his entire life is worth living

➟ Also pls support him when he cracks his dad jokes 😭 ik theyre terrible but he needs the love smh 😔

➟ He’ll ask if you want to go mountain climbing and oh my god SAY YES HE’LL MELT

➟ If you’re good at tending to the league (whether it’s by being a good listener or patching them up after fights) he’ll be more attracted to you. The league are his greatest treasures, and you being friendly with them will only make his love for you grow

#my hero academia #bnha #league of villains #shigaraki tomura #dabi mha #twice mha #jin bubaigawara #toga himiko #mr compress #kurogiri #spinner mha #shigaraki x reader #dabi x reader #toga x reader #headcanons

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spookyvalentine · 3 years

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oc profile:

thanks for the tag @aceghosts !! i always have so much fun doing these. imma snag @irikahkrios @battlemastershepard @vizarding @comefeedtherainn @yellingaboutmasseffect @zet-sway and have at it if ye wish me mateys!

General-

Name: mercy shepard (no middle name)

Alias(es): shep, coach (from sports coach au)

Gender: agender

Age: i haven’t quite figured out how long i hc 3 to be, but by the end of it, maybe thirty four, fiveish? if you count the years their body was on the table. mercy... doesn’t really. at least start of 2, when asked their age usually what fell out of their mouth first was thirty one. (for sports coach au they’ve just turned thirty one)

Birthdate: april 11? 2154. day isn’t really known for sure? they were found several days old

Place of birth: unknown! but they were left at st. bernard parish fire department, louisiana while still a fresh baby

Hometown: their most stable home was around lake martin, when they were taken in by the henrys. around thirteen they went to juvie in new orleans, and that started their urban feral teenager life. eventually they move out to another megacity (havent figured out which one yet lmao) and meets kasumi

Spoken language(s): they’re pretty adept without the translator. mercy is fluent in english and creole, passable french and korean, and readily picks up phrases in other languages. after being reconstructed, a translator was literally built into mercy. they resent its presence sometimes.

Sexual preference: open. they’ve been too damn busy to even think to seek out experiences, but aesthetically admire all sorts

Occupation: spectre and alliance officer. enormous pain in the ass before that

Appearance-

Eye color: gold. not hazel or brown ‘til in the light type thing. when anderson first saw those odd lantern eyes it made him think of the foxes that liked to linger at the edges of his parents garden when he was growing up

Hair color: somewhere between summer wheat and spun gold. darkens a little, when not planetside

Height: 6’2 >:)

Scars: they have some from the thresher maw, some acid scars on the left side of their body like thick webbing that cut through parts of a tattoo. maybe got part of their ear. and one they got as a kid that sliced across their face. and then they were rebuilt, and what was left in their place were those glowing lines. (sports coach au they still have the thresher maw scars)

Favorite-

Color: greens

Hair color: favorite hair color on them??? they’ve never dyed their hair before, only crazy haircuts

Song: its not mercy’s favorite song bc i dont know how i’d even choose right, but the song that i have in my head for them is falcon in the dive from the musical the scarlet pimpernel (which fucks severely, also just do yourself a favor and listen to this too because christine andreas makes my heart stop beating. wow. WOW yes i will push it on everyone)

Food: clementines, satsumas, mandarins—any sweet citrus that peels easily (oranges are more work, but will be eaten if they’re around). persimmons, figs. cotton candy flavored grapes. cherries, peaches. they’re a very big fruit bat, basically. they get hype for an alien produce stand

Drink: day to day? chicory coffee, lapsang souchang, soda water. Sometimes lemonade or apple juice. for booze, theyre down for a beer. really likes a good whiskey. delights trying homebrew moonshine. ‘you made it in your bathtub? you went blind for two minutes? hell yeah i’ll have a glass cheers’

Have They-

Passed university: they went through officer academy and all that n7 training, does that count?

Had sex: once in a relationship w thane, yeah boiii

Had sex in public: …maybe? that is um. something to explore

Gotten pregnant: never, also not possible

Kissed a boy: yes, although for these situations ‘been kissed by’ is maybe more accurate

Kissed a girl: yes, see above

Gotten tattoos: yep! they have two large pieces from before being arrested and negotiated into joining the alliance. they start under the jaw and both sides of the neck, going across the shoulders, along and down the arms, coming to an end on the forearms, and they shelled out for that fancy ink, that’s a little bit holographic/iridescent, where the colors would shift and glint in the light as they moved. obviously they’re gone when miranda rebuilds mercy, but they’re absolutely still around in the sports coach au

Gotten piercings: had a handful of ear piercings as a teen, but has mostly stopped wearing them, for practical reasons

Been in love: falling in love for the first time

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: oh lmao yes for sure

Are They-

A virgin: not anymore babeyyyyy

A cuddler: with people they are very close to

A kisser: oh yeah, big time. really into it now

Scared easily: nope! if anything, has adrenaline junkie tendencies

Jealous easily: nah. sometimes when they were a teen growing up on the streets, but not anymore

Dominant: in bed? still figuring things out there. maybe sometimes. in life? they’re not domineering, but will shout people down if it comes to it

Submissive: also still figuring that out in bed ;) absolutely not in other situations tho. if theyre being submissive theyre usually up to something

In love: learning what its like

Single: not once mercy realizes what they’re feeling for thane (there was a lot of facepalming from kasumi and frustrated yelling on this one)

Random Questions (tw for self harm/suicide mention)-

Have they harmed themselves: i mean, through some of their harebrained, reckless ideas where the possibility of getting hurt is assured but they don’t care, yes

Thought of suicide: maybe a little, after akuze

Attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: oh absolutely homie

Have / had a job: yeah, pulling peoples heads outta asses

Have any fears: oh for sure, mind control and zombies, and even though now they know how to kill one down absolutely dead--thresher maws

Family

Sibling(s): none, but kasumi is basically one

Parent(s): unknown. they had some foster parents (adoption was never approved) that offered mercy some important years of shelter

Children: no biological kids. but they feel powerfully parental feelings for grunt, jack and tali. kolyat and oriana too, eventually. in sports coach au though (more details to follow soon), jack is theirs. after akuze they got on the scent of cerberus early, and therefore busted down pragia while jack was still a lil kid, who pretty much imprinted on mercy

Significant other: thane, and in sports coach au, irikah + thane

Pet(s): their fish. they’ve got names like hand roll, don and chip

#LMAO NOT ME POSTING LEAVING PARTS BLANK ok fixed and updated #the sports coach au continues to build #hold onto yalls butts #oc: mercy shepard #themshep #mass effect #commander shepard #shrios

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beaglesfoundindumpsters · 4 years

Text

tw, slight mentions to suicide, manipulation, (specifically dream’s manipulation), slight violence and/or murder, and curse words

even though techno said sbi (as a family) isnt canon, im still gonna head canon it, because he said that was okay

so, here we go *takes deep breath*

SBI HEAD CANONS AND INCORECT QUOTES BABYY

im literally obsessed with how strong sbi is. i mean, of course theyre hilarious and tommy’s a child, but other than that... god damn.

starting off, we have techno, of course. and hes super strong just by himself. (TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES and BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD)

then, we have philza. angel of death. killza. he’s insanely strong. like, god.

then, wilbur. wilbur isnt physically strong, but he was always a leader. he started an entire country, for hells sake. he’s smart, a leader, and doesn’t give up. (he also went insane and died, but we dont talk about that)

im gonna think of ghostbur as this kind of seperate entity. (cause he kind of is) ghostbur isnt inherently strong, but no one would ever want to hurt him. hes nice.. a little too nice. now, forgive me if im overthinking here, i feel as if ghostbur might be hiding something. apparently, a few days ago ghostbur joined the server with a new skin, a skin with large goatlike horns.... hmm... little sus...

and, then, of course, tommy. tommy, tommy. the only person dream’s scared of. at the current moment in time, hes super confused. he keeps thinking that dream’s still his friend, and upon seeing the final control room his first instinct was to run back to dream, his abuser. but, techno’s taking care of him right now. hopefully techno can get tommy back on his feet and then they can become a great team.

another thing about philza, he doesn’t really have any allegiance to any country, (*cough* lmanberg *cough*), and he mostly only has allegiance to techno, wilbur, and tommy. aka, sbi. he also recently revealed that he doesn’t think that tubbo isnt actually doing a great job at being president. so, what does this mean for sbi? that once phil gets out of house arrest hes probably gonna go live with techno, tommy, and wil.

oh, lord, am i excited for that.

oh lordy lord lord

im so hungry

what was i doing

oh yeah sbi

nice

anyways, moving on from the immense power in that group,,, um tubbo? i like tubbo

he really cool

i mean, i really dont like the way hes ruling lmanberg right now, but before that he was awesome

i think a lot of pressure was put on him when he became president, especially because he didnt ask to be president and he didn’t even run for president.

and, since everyone else in the cabinet is being more controlling, (possible glatt possestion?), tubbo is seeming less and less like a president as everyone else starts making more decisions than the legit president.

so, i think that exiling tommy wasn’t only a plea for peace, it was also to show that hes the president, that hes in charge and he makes the decisions.

but, sadly he just lost his best friend

also, obviously dream is so bent on controlling tommy because tommy doesnt do what dream says. tommy does what he wants to, what he thinks is best, what he thinks will help his friends.

so, when dream manipulated tommy, and tommy kind of broke, dream thought he finally had him. he had gotten tommy, the uncontrollable hero, under his control.

but, when tommy made the room, dream used that as first; a sign that tommy wasnt completely under his control and second; a way to manipulate tommy even more.

but, that, (at least i think), is when tommy realized that something was wrong.

sitting on that wooden tower, looking at the blown up logsted he realized that... maybe dream isnt his friend.

i honestly cant wait for tommy and tubbo to make up with each other, though.

i really miss the consistent content that they made with each other, and i miss when it was “tommy and tubbo vs dream”

another thing, after wilbur blew up lmanberg, tommy kept saying, “its me and you vs dream,” which i think is kind of ironic. both of them agreed that even before lmanberg, before wilbur, before everything, it was tommy and tubbo against dream. they were best friends and they had a common enemy.

then, they both seperately went to dream for help. tubbo becoming dream’s “ally” while plotting to kill him and tommy being manipulated into being dream’s friend.

obviously, the manipulation isnt tommy’s fault though.

back to more sbi themes

i literally live for how good techno is being to tommy rn

like, literally, he hid tommy from dream, protected him from mobs without a thought, let him live in his house, gave him armor and weapons, and when tommy saw the final control room he said, “its fine, it doesnt take one day to heal,” and got tommy out of there.

tommy’s still a little bitch tho

anyways, tommy’s first response to the final control room was that he wanted to go find dream. this is how manipulators and abusers work. they make you think that you need them, and so when anything bad happens you want to fall back onto them, and that’s what tommy had been doing for the past few weeks, so of course his first thought is, “where’s dream? i need dream.”

luckily, though, techno was there to help him through it, and i just think thats neat.

and, isnt it funny that a sixteen year old minecraft player is representing manipulation and mental illness better than most movies? hmm....

maybe now we can have some incorrect quotes OwO

(im sorry i never want to do that again but i was on a call with a friend and she told me to do that im so sorry god i feel so guilty i hate that i hate is so much i want it to die im so sorry for putting you through that omfg im so sorry)

phil: tubbo.. where’s tommy? tubbo, knowing that tommy is trying to light techno’s house on fire: who’s tommy? phil:

wilbur: tommy, i hate you. you are so annoying, not funny at all, and the worst child ever. you disgrace every other normal child with your weirdness. tommy: wilbur, to literally anyone else: im so proud of tommy and how far hes come. that kid, hes so funny, i dont know how the world will be ready for tommyinnit. he makes great content, and deserves all of the attention that hes got.

techno: butcher army: im gonna kill technoblade. techno: butcher army: yeah, you are so dead, techno. you better count your days. techno: butcher army: *starts attacking techno* butcher army: *almost gets killed by techno*

thats all i have for now! *fades out of existence*

/rp of course

#i still have no idea how tumblr works #sbi #sleepy bois inc #tommyinnit #tubbo #technoblade #dream #dream smp #wilbur soot #philza #philza minecraft #killza #blood for the blood god #e #technoblade never dies #butcher army #phil

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tigerdrop · 4 years

Note

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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acaciapines · 3 years

Text

@mallowstep

woulda sent this as an ask but uh. moth ghost au wont leave my head and this got. long. hope ya dont mind i think about hawkfrost and mothwing A Lot.

under a cut bc. again. long.

bc see the thing is. if i were to do a moth ghost au. the kids are all young when she dies (at least, i think? idk their timeline, i’m assuming they’re like, 3-4 months, so, youngish), so it’s like...ghost sister? ghost sister. sasha cant see her because it’s no fun if she can, so we get hawk and tadpole, both who feel like they’ve killed their sister, both who are kids and cant deal with that grief. but like...moth is right there! she’s right there! she’s still their sister even if shes a ghost and as they get bigger and lose their kit-fluff she stays the same. she’s their sister.

but sasha....sasha just lost one of her kittens, nearly lost the other two, and now the remaining ones are talking to moth as though she’s still there? cats dont leave ghosts behind--cats aren’t trapped like that. humans are, sasha was a housecat and she’s seen how humans pace around their houses, but cats are sneaky lil guys. cats arent trapped to the earth like people are. cats die and leap into the sky and become the world.

moth isn’t stuck, moth is the world. so sasha tells her sons that their sister isn’t a ghost with them, but she’s the world around them--the prey and wind and sky.

hawk and tadpole look at each other, at their very-much-there ghost sister, and are like....yeah sure mom.

so we get a hawk and tadpole who refuse to let moth go. it’s hawk who clings to her the most, i think--he acts as though nothing happened, as though nobody drowned. tadpole is...starting to listen to their mom, a bit. he knows moth is there, but...should she be? nobody should be trapped like this. her spirit deserves to move on.

“we should help her,” tadpole says.

“she’s fine,” hawk says, “she’s right here, and she’s fine, and i’m not going to let you kill her again just because you have something against ghosts.”

and tadpole doesn’t ask again. he was the first one out out that basement.

eventually the kits end up in riverclan, and tadpole doesnt really talk about moth to anybody. like, he still acknowledges her, but only when they’re alone or it’s just hawk. hawk, on the other hand, doesn’t care! sure he’s like, 6 moons old, and moth is still stuck at 4, but! who! cares! and so while the clan teaches them their clan ways, teaches them about starclan, tadpole listens and he’s able to find some comfort in the idea. that theres a place his sister can go, can move on to. he’s always liked the stars. moth will, too.

but hawk...

well, the thing is, hawk’s not a clan cat. he’s got a clan name, now, he’s down a mother and he’s a very young kid staring up at these riverclan cats, but he’s nothing if not stubborn, and he’s clung to his sister thus far and he’s not about to give her up.

the clans dont think much of other religions. they tell hawk and tadpole that there’s no such thing as ghosts. dead cats go to starclan, and only clan cats, at that--your sister isn’t there, why would she be? she died a loner. but dont worry, now you’re here, in the clans, and when you die, you’ll be together in starclan.

“it’s stupid,” hawk says, to moth, alone in their den, “who cares about starclan? thats not mine, and its not yours. if you’re going anywhere it’s the wind, not the stars.”

“did you see that one thunderclan med cat apprentice at the gathering?” asks moth. “i thought she was pretty.”

“never change,” hawk says, fondly.

but he starts to think. as he starts to spend more and more time alone, with only moth for company. and moth is moth but she is...a ghost. she’s trapped. she doesn’t grow and change like a living cat does--at this point she doesnt even know why she’s still around. something about...drowning, maybe? it happened so long ago. she’s just happy to have her brother with her.

tadpole worries. hawk pushes him away. tadpole tells him they have to let their sister go. that they have to move on--that he loves moth too, and he misses her every day, but they’re clan cats, now. they have to be the best they can be, so nobody else is ever hurt again.

so i dont hurt anyone again, he doesnt say.

because tadpole doesn’t think moth’s ghost is around, either. he’s stopped seeing her. maybe he never did. maybe he was just a kid who lost his sister, who killed his sister, even if on accident. maybe he never was able to cope with that.

he wont see his sister in starclan. he probably wont see his mother, either. he doenst know what happens to loners. sasha told them, once. the wind and the sky and the leaves. becoming a part of the world, again. energy that can never truly die, just change shape.

but that was so long ago. he’s nearly a warrior, now. who remembers the stories they were told as kids?

anyways.

hawkpaw becomes the medicine cat.

he’s got two sets of beliefs rattling around in his head--starclan, everything the clans are telling him, and half-remembered stories from his mother, that moth remembers best of them all, forever trapped as a 4 moon old kit. and somewhere along the line these have been mashed together, into one big: starclan isnt letting moth in, because she died a loner. starclan wont ever let moth in but they’re going to take me when i die and i wont let them. i wont let them tear us apart.

it’s not easy. riverclan says he’d need a sign to become a medicine cat, but since when have the dead done that? they’re dead. moth is a ghost at his side, and she watches the flowers, and the bees, and remarks about thunderclan medicine cats that hawk can’t help but be begrudgingly fond of, if only for her.

but he can do this. he has to.

hawkpaw fakes a sign. hawkpaw becomes medicine cat.

hawkpaw goes to the moonpool, and the stars tell him the same thing the clans do: there is no place for your sister here. our heavens are for worthy clan cats only.

hawk is still the villain here, just...in a different way. if this were a warriors book he’d be a villain flat-out, a med cat turning his back on starclan, who lied and cheated his way into this role, who never cared about anybody but his dead sister. but this isn’t a warriors book.

tadpole is the hero. hawk looks at the stars and tells them to their faces if you wont let my sister in, then i’ll make you regret it. i’ll show everyone that you’re nothing. that they worship cats that arent even ghosts. cats that are trapped. maybe youre wrong. maybe moth isnt the one youre keeping out. maybe shes the free one.

hawk plays the long game, though. gets his full name. learns medicines, how to heal.

how to harm.

moth watches him from the shadows. tells him kit-stories about rebirth.

the clans dont believe in that. hawk doesnt know what he is. he doesnt either.

theyre all trapped. thats what he believes.

he sets a trap for mudfur. a fox-trap down by the lake. then he, hawkfrost, will be the only link riverclan has to the stars, and he won’t listen to a word they say.

tadpole is the one to find out, to intervene before mudfur dies. to say hawk, you betrayed us all!

you betrayed me first, says hawk. me and moth both.

moth is dead! says tadpole. you can’t let her go!

you follow the words of the dead, says hawk in return, thats all the clans do. all mudfur did. he didnt want me to be his apprentice. he needed the dead to tell him what to do. what kind of life is that? and if you agree with what he did, how is it any different than me and moth? at least i know she’s real. that she’s our sister. the clans would let her die.

and so tadpole kills his brother with a stake through the heart.

he thinks he can see moth for a second. a flash against the blood.

hawk dies. he doesnt die a clan cat.

was it worth it? tadpole asks.

im going to be with moth, hawk says. youre going to go to starclan.

why dont you answer that question?

...

yeah thats my moth ghost au. is this anything? who knows! its certainly not in any way fleshed out, just the barest bones of an idea. i want leafpool to still get her ‘blood will spill blood’ prophecy--maybe she and hawk become friends, somewhere in there. who knows.

ghost moth man. fun to think about.

#warrior cats #mothwing #hawkfrost #tadpole #i write #anyways time to go to bed its fully one thirty am #i have to wake up early tommorow #i have plans #this is what warrior cats does to you

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eponinemylove · 5 years

Text

Neil + getting hurt

this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but

alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something

he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it

he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.

his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)

sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help

but

if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron

(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)

the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time

anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner

They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad

Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him

Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want

Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”

Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”

and Neil takes off his shirt

a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE

aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.

and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him

His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”

Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up

They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not

Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy

like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered

this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him

Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by

Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small

Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)

So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby

he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!

there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital

It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad

It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself

he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him

they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”

everyone is confused af but they go with it

They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most

the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit

he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him

The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know

Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad

it is

After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up

It’s Nicky

“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”

And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so

“idk. It’s just, when my father-“

collective wince

“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“

so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying

“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“

ok he stops there

they get the point

Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation

it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead

any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions

andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking

he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again

neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore

andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe

170%

everyone goes home eventually

later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs

#listen i know this is trash it was just a quick little drabble ok #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #tfc #the foxhole court

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tank-grunt · 4 years

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Hi I just wanted to say you're one of my fav blogs.... I love reading your posts and they fuel my love for this game!! Anyway--I'm actually here to ask if you have any favorite headcanon about Tank or tank/Johnny because I'm always interested in that 😳

awww thanks! as for favorite headcanons, uhh... hmmm. i have different headcanons based on the different games they appear in together so i’ll uh, categorize those i guess (also warning: long. i am very dramatic and thus am prone to waxing poetic about how i perceive a relationship)

sims 2 pc - tank is just a repressed gay with no idea how to cope with it because of ... you know... everything. he can’t recognize his feelings, he doesn’t know how to cope with them, and he’s so frustrated by everything all of the time because of the kind of home he’s grown up in that all the wires are being crossed, and he’s kind of an asshole to people who don’t deserve it because of that. in theory he really, really likes johnny... johnny’s nice, he’s handsome, and likable... but that’s also why he really, really dislikes him and is supremely jealous... he isn’t in a place where he can realize anything positive he feels. tank doesn’t get why his pulse speeds up or his face flushes when johnny’s around, he doesn’t know why he craves his attention - for anyone else it should be obvious, but for him there’s just too much going on. but he knows when he sees johnny surrounded by people who like him, he wishes that he were johnny, and he knows he’s an alien ... tank knows what to do with that.

in theory johnny could have really, really liked tank too - he’s fit, athletic, he can be witty and goofy and creative - but... johnny doesn’t get to see the part of tank worth liking. the parts that he would like, that he likes in others already. tank won’t show him. tank can’t afford to be vulnerable! so because of tank’s issues, he causes issues for johnny and johnny only sees the tank who is kind of a jealous repressed loner. and he’s already friends with ripp through ophelia so he’d already be aware of how tank isn’t exactly brother of the year as golden child to ripps scapegoat. and with no way of figuring out that the way tank’s treated isnt actually any better, johnny’s a bit biased. but johnny’s bio says he dreams of being a hero on a white horse, so i always kind of interpreted that as something of a hero complex - so i imagine he’d soften quickly if he had any idea the full extent of whats going on.

oh, weirdly, that segues into -

sims 2 psp - not a very romantic headcanon - more about coping with circumstance - but theyre both victims of abuse from buzz and johnny knows it.

but so is ripp. so they’re not close, because johnny can see how the brothers are pitted against each other and he doesn’t like it... but johnny understands tank now, he understands why he’s like that, and he can’t really bring himself to be angry with him or blame him, even when tank is preventing his escape. he still has a hero complex. he sees the way tank has been hurt. he sees the way ripp is hurt, too. but he just can’t be mad. the fact he’s held captive by buzz isn’t the only reason why he hates him so vehemently, so passionately. he hates that he can see a father treat his sons so callously, so cruelly, and can’t do anything about it.

not that he’d put up with tank’s bs... but just sometimes trying to reach out, trying to talk sense into him. and maybe, because the nicest guy he knows is making some good points, maybe tank has doubts. maybe he questions buzz. johnny is very convincing. it’s not his fault!

basically im a sucker for the hurt/comfort of johnny’s kindness and his bluntness and courage helping tank realize that none of whats going on is right, or good.

sims 2 ds/gba - i believe in ds/gba era tank/johnny supremacy, first and foremost - it’s always good! but there’s just something so nice and comforting about it in ds/gba... from their perspective, things are so different and yet also so similar... and there’s a certain kind of comfort with each other in seeing how different they’ve become, but how familiar they are. how they’ve grown and improved, and forged a healthy friendship and connection... and they know each other better than anyone else in town at that point - everyone is either dead, or left town.

and the idea that tank just regularly comes into the pawn shop just to see johnny because he’s grown up and he knows how to follow his heart now... and johnny really is all he wants. maybe all he’s ever wanted, really. and johnny likes that. happiness is a good look on tank, and he likes seeing tank. you ever notice how johnny sells lotto tickets with tank’s face on them? i like to think he designed them himself, because he ... you know, likes tank. likes to see him.

when johnny’s not busy at the pawn shop, when tank’s not busy running the medical center he lives in... i imagine theyre supremely cheesy together. i mean, tank totally goes out of his way to help johnny around the pawnshop. i’ve always personally viewed johnny as supernaturally strong without trying, but i mean... us legbets just loooove to watch objects of our affection lifting things, and i can totally imagine tank just casually lifting things to impress johnny. he’s a bit humble but he likes attention from johnny, always has. and yeah, johnny can outbench him, but he enjoys the view.

and i KNOWwww that tank primarily lives in his dumb little medical center bunker he’s running, but i like to imagine that johnny has an apartment above the pawn shop (um, in the ds version anyways, it doesnt seem like the gba version has one but ... you know tank does spend a lot of time with a telescope up there sooo) and they live together, with a cat. its a very nice, domestic life that they’ve worked hard to manage with each other, and they’ve earned it

sims 4 - they’re gallery sims with no relationship or connection with each other but it’s an alternate timeline so i like to take advantage of the fact :)

you know everything i wrote about tank having a crush on johnny he had no idea how to deal with? i love the idea that it’s the reverse in sims 4 timeline. tank in every other appearance he’s had has been so... insecure, reserved. but tank in sims 4 is confident! outgoing! athletic! ... johnny doesn’t stand a chance. he’s just a useless bisexual and he thinks tank is really cute and doesn’t know what to do about it... but how convenient for him, tank doesn’t have the same problems that really stood in the way of a relationship that he had in sims 2.

lyla’s ghost being around to shape the household post-mortem has definitely had positive effects on the family - the grunt siblings have better relationships with each other, they have their mother to guide them and intervene if buzz is ever unfair to them, and to question his authority...

tank knows johnny likes him, in this timeline, and he’s a bit smug about it. but its ok! he kind of likes the scrawny green kid too. so what if he shows off a little more lately to get his attention? so what if he gets a little close in the hallways at school? whats a little kissing between homies?

#bulletin board #this is so long i am so sorry.#simpuke

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