#i like working with kids its more rewarding than i ever thought it would be

[krbkitten]

the other day at work one of the first things a kid said to me was "excuse me, you're really pretty" and her friend looked at her and said "don't be gay" and I turned back and said "hey. everyone's allowed to be gay. it's pride month" and she told me she loved me

[dduane]

I recently came across an old post of yours from 2013 where you answered an ask about your religious background (https://www.tumblr.com/dduane/69415098525/i-always-wondered-reading-yw-as-a-kid-whether-you) and it reminded me of something I thought I should tell you.

My parents were pretty indifferent to religion, but they thought I should still learn about Christianity since it was such a big part of our culture. So I went to Sunday school for a few years until I decided that that world view was Not For Me, and my parents were relieved they could sleep in on Sundays again. These days I would basically describe myself as an atheist with an asterisk, that is, I'm perfectly comfortable with the idea that there are more things in heaven and earth etc.

All that said, the most spiritual meaningful text I've ever encountered, to me, was the Surak chapter in Spock's World. It meant, and still means, more to me than a lot of two thousand year old tracts about judgemental patriarch in the sky.

I don't think I've ever read something you wrote that I haven't really enjoyed, but that one still stands out. Thank you!

You're very welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed that... because I worked harder over that sequence than (probably) anything else in the book.

In the introduction to C. S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters, he talks about how he would have liked to write a similar book from the angelic-advice point of view, but felt it to be pretty much impossible to pull off. "Every sentence would have to smell of Heaven," he says... while having earlier commented ruefully on (by comparison) how easy, in fact way too easy, it was to write from the POV of evil.

He was absolutely right there. Trying to write as if from a place of enlightenment is tough, tough business. (And in its own way, paradoxically, also sometimes a dangerous expression of one's own opinions about one's abilities.) I sweated buckets over that work. But my reward is to still hear about it sometimes from people; and especially about that six-line distillation of Surak's POV that gets, I like to think, significantly more traction than the quote about the potato chip.

So thanks for letting me know. It's much appreciated. :)

[kaneandfeels]

SO A LOT OF YOU ASKED A LOT OF QUESTIONS So we answered every one we were asked

1. What is an element of your story that surprised you?

How quickly the Holmes and Watson dynamic we used as a writing crutch entirely flipped through our characters growing and developing. Feels became the star rather than the sounding board in a way that is really organic and good - Jack

Its scope. I had dabbled with absurdism before Kane and Feels, but never gone full existential horror. I’m more of a like quiet melodrama type so i love that jack was able to get me writing more esoteric bullshit- Oli

I don’t know if it's surprising, but there’s a tenderness to a lot of the series that I wasn't expecting when we started. It sets its tropes out strongly, and then the characters interact in that space and take it in wildly different directions, while remaining true to the genre. - Jude

2. Is audio drama the only medium you've worked in? How does it compare to other mediums?

Audio dramas are the only form I've ever received feedback for really, I have a literature degree and I am constantly making stories but I don't really have any other published works like this. - jack

I’ve studied in other mediums, but not worked in them. I’ve done bits of filming at school but found quickly my talents laid in sound. - Jude

I’m an audio nerd, through and through. Started as a musician, became a DJ, wrote a sitcom, did a degree, made some docs and factual programmes and then it's been audio dramas since then. It's a difficult medium to master but a rewarding one when its’ done right. - Oli

3. What are some audio dramas that inspire you? Both in general and for your podcast.

Welcome to nightvale was a big early touchstone, the work of Dirk Maggs like batman knightfall meant a lot to me as a child, I had it on cassette tapes

HItchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the radio series) is a big one. I listened to it religiously when growing up. Neverwhere was another one that inspired me from a sound perspective. The shifting brickwork always tickles my brain. - Jude

I listened to a lot of HP as a kid, while going tobed. I graduated onto the BBC7 ‘Comedy Club’ which played a mix of half hour sitcoms and stand up comedy vehicles between 10 and midnight when I was going to sleep… occasionally I would drift into the ‘seventh dimension’ where I’d hear the man in black, Blake 7 and all other sci-fi horrory affairs.  When Nightvale turned up, that was a game changer, cause it opened the field to people like me to go make audio dramas without the clout of the BBC behind us. Same with Wooden overcoats. 

More specifically though, there is a direct line between Aker and Blacker’s “beyond Belief’ on the Thrilling adventure hour’ and the early drafts of Kane and Feels

4. Who is a character that took you by surprise?

Councilman Geoff Grace. Go listen for why - Jack

Jeanine (the housewife) wasn’t surprising, but she was shocking. I just loved her framing and existence in the story. It's one of those ones where you can feel the screen on the scene. you ‘re looking in at this strange commercial of a woman as she lives this warped 50’s vibe. - Jude

For me, its the monster from wonderland. I had this idea for something grotesque, that pulled apart the idea that words don’t hurt. Of course words hurt. That’s why they can lead us to violence or action or whatever. So I had this idea of a monster who said words ‘scar from the inside’. Jack said ‘this is great, what is this monster?”…. And i hadn’t thought that far ahead. I said ‘I dunno, that’s your job, spookyman’ - so suddenly its the voice of the goddess of spite, we get Vivi P, the most terrifying italian woman ever to grace our studios to do her voice, and then pepper her in through out the series making her a serious big bad. Didn’t know she’d have that milage considering it was essentially a joke about sticks and stones breaking bones. - Oli

5. If you're the writer, how did casting/producing change how you thought about the podcast?

No one gave a fuck about our opinions on this particualr subject. - Oli

6. If you are a voice actor or audio editor, what is your favorite blooper moment?

There's a line with constituents in season one episode 4 that I just couldn't say - Jack

I think a lot of our weird bloopers end up in the show, either as the take or buried beneath some stuff. Season 2 is lousy with them, from Chippie’s final monologue to the sound of me and Oli in Thornbush’s charity shop. To even the joke about Paul Bearer in the final episode. - Jude

There’s one take we never used, where Ali Cambell, Jeanines’ actor, improvised a story about their first hamster. In the story, she crushes it to death. We loved it at the time, but it was arguably better than anything any of us had written so I personally coward’d out and didn’t put it in. - Oli (Id’ forgotten about that - Jude)

7. If you could make a crossover (canon or non canon) with any other audio drama, what would it be?

Am I allowed to say ‘Camlann’? Even though its very recent we’d slot in very well.or Victoriocity - Jude

I mean, I want to be on hello from the magic tavern, but not as kane - Jack

Sandman. Wanna work with Dirk. or What’s the Frequency or if Rose Drive ever resurrects.  - Oli

8. What is an inside joke or reference that is hidden in your podcast?

So many wrestling kayfabe references -  Jack

I always think of ‘GET BACK VILE BEAST’ *dunstan throws a spanner at a bird* - The real joke is that a lot of the rocks from St Dunstan made it into Camlann episode seven when the hill opens up into the underground.

The inside joke for me is the loops. “Jude’s discount Loops” - hacking these beautiful pieces of music that Oli has made and getting them to work. They’re all like 14 minutes long and there’s chopping that needs to be done. 

9. What are some of your favorite podcasts to listen to?

World Beyond Number. Westminster Insider, Too many Tabs, Chapo Trap House. I’m a trash person who listens to trash. (other than WBN, most exciting actual play on the scene RN) = Oli

Is it terrible I’m more of a music person? I’m currently spiraling back into Nonagon Infinity by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard. I listen to old audiobooks to sleep. At the moment it's the good omens radio series with Mark Heap and Peter Serafinowitz. - Jude

I have an elaborate weekly schedule of podcasts I listen to, my current favorite is 'mom can't cook'

10. Are the podcasts you make / enjoy making the same kind you enjoy listening to (genre, formatting, etc)?

I mostly listen to character improv comedy and comedy reviews of film and wrestling. A little bit of D&D actual play too. so I guess... no? - J

I can’t just say ‘I don’t listen to podcasts’... I mean I can and I don’t. - Jude

No. - Oli

11. Free space! Tell me something cool about your podcast!

The music is crazy good - Jack

The Sound Design is once in a generation. - OliThe writing is ambitious and exciting - Jude

[slamminslamminmcgill]

brother i swear to you your saul/reader fics got me creaming for my life I've never been fed this well ever in my entire life. may i make a request/suggestion? I'd kill for you to write some overstimulation involving one of those remote controlled vibrators while on working hours, that shit would slap so hard from you omfg

hi!!! hope ur ok w/ a drabble for now :3

You swore one of these days you were gonna look for a new job. 

Today was not that day. You had left work yesterday carrying a delicately wrapped gift box, courtesy of your boss, who told you very specifically not to open it until you were home. And that you were to come in to work the next day wearing it. You remembered being flattered by his generosity, excited all the way home about what it could’ve possibly been. 

And then you opened the box and remembered your boss was a gigantic pervert. 

Still, you figured you didn’t fare much better, especially since you were the one standing outside your job with a vibrator inside you. It was off, thank god. You considered it a stroke of luck when you realized you had no idea how to turn it on. You fished your phone out of your pocket, about to text him that you were outside, when the front door swung open.

Saul Goodman was there to greet you with a shit-eating grin. “Right on time, kid! Come on in.” He was as giddy as a kid on Christmas, and it was fucking irritating. You thought about the pros and cons of cold-cocking him in his smug face, but figured great sex and steady income were worthwhile rewards of being his sexual guinea pig.

He pushed open the doors to his office, beckoning you inside. When you entered, he grabbed your wrist and pinned you to one of the columns. You were understandably caught off guard, which he saw as the perfect opportunity to start kissing and sucking your neck. His other hand wasted no time in getting to your crotch. He pulled away to ask you, “So… did you follow my instructions?”

You yelped, your mind racing to find the answer to his question. “Yes, sir. It’s… it’s inside.”

He pressed two fingers down hard against your clothed sex, searching for the toy. He gasped in delight when he felt it. “Good boy. Can I see?” He asked, letting go of you and stepping back.

He had you trained so perfectly. The second his hands left your body, you were scrambling to undo your belt. You slid your pants off and braced yourself against the marble before spreading your legs. Between them was a hot pink vibrator nestled inside you, just barely touching you where you needed it.

Saul gave a wolf whistle at the sight of you. “God, I knew this was a good idea. Though, just one more thing…” He reached into his pocket and grabbed some small plastic thing. You couldn’t quite tell what it was, but you figured it out seconds later.

He clicked a button and the device ignited inside you. Your knees buckled and you grabbed the column for support, already a whimpering, disheveled mess. Just how he liked you. He stepped closer to you, forcing his leg in between yours to keep you upright, and grabbed your chin.

“Look at me,” The command made you feel even weaker than you already were, “Here’s how today’s gonna go. We’re gonna have all our scheduled meetings in the morning. Then we break for lunch, and do walk-ins after. Regular day, right? Except you’re gonna keep that toy inside you the whole time. And you’re gonna do exactly what I say, when I say it. Understand?”

You nodded frantically. Verbal confirmation would have taken too much brain power.

Saul was not impressed. You knew he expected a verbal answer. “Hm. You wanna act like a brat today? Fine,” He tapped the up button on the remote a few times, and the vibrations grew stronger. You shrieked, back arching, knees buckling, your body practically liquifying but for his firm grip keeping you up. “Act like a brat all you want. But I’m in control here, and I’m not gonna let you forget it.” He turned the vibrator up to its max level. “Now I’m gonna ask you again. Do you understand?”

“Yes!” You cried, already on the precipice of an orgasm not 5 minutes into your shift. “Yes, fuck! Yes, Mr. Goodman! I understand!”

“Good boy,” Saul answered, clicking the vibrator off and letting you go. You whined at the lack of closure. He’d snuffed out your flame before it barely got to burn. “Get dressed. First client is gonna be here in a minute.”

You couldn’t even do that in peace. When you bent over to pick up your clothes, Saul flicked the vibrator on and off a few times just to watch your body jolt in response, laughing to himself each time he did it.

This was gonna be a long day.

[aitadjcrazytimes]

ok so brief summary bc i need to go to work, i'll still be making a Last Post tm later today but just to summarize

c and his sister are indeed talking again, he is back to walking her down the aisle on friday and things are chill there

she told him that t and i are dating now, she did not tell him abt the blog

c texts me saying we needed to talk

i get home, he tells me he knows about t and i dating, we start arguing about how it isn't fair for him to have a problem with my dating t when he MARRIED him w/o checking in with me first (am i actually angry about this? no. but like its the principle of the thing man)

t comes home and hears us yelling, starts to intervene, realizes there isn't a point to it, starts to make mac and cheese, but eventually we get too loud so he tells us both to shut the fuck up and sort it out from separate rooms

the Emotional Vulnerability conversation happens, during which i receive a bowl of mac and cheese reward for being quiet and also so so adult and brave about it

emotional vulnerability conversation on C's end basically consists of: dude, what the fuck, like, i know im a mess, but i thought you were better than that. like. T and I have been trying to kill each other since we were kids but idk. for some reason i thought you were above that, and i mean minus the getting married thing--which i will concede was shitty--i have been trying to be less of an asshole lately (which I, TK, have actually noticed, but i thought it was a result of lack of proximity to T and not an intentional effort) and it feels shitty that i have fucked up the only not toxic relationship i have ever been in by being a dick again

conversation on my end: dude, i know you're a dick, i like you being a dick, i want you to be a dick bc you wouldn't be you otherwise. the getting married thing was shitty but only on principle bc im not actually mad about it. i dont want you to be less of an asshole, i just want you to be an asshole around me specifically. t also. we're assholes together. i would like to be assholes with both of you indefinitely. im not better than that or you bitch

then i told him about the tumblr blog and he was v upset at first but was eventually able to see the humor in it. i showed him a couple posts and he thinks it's funny that ESH is sitting solidly at 69%. he will not be posting on here or on the AITA blog because he thinks that would be annoying (i agree).

i did also bring up the poly thing again and he said he thinks it's more fun to say we're monogamous and just be cheating on each other all the time--which just seems like poly with a cheating kink to me, but whatever man, you do you.

[idkaguyorsomething]

Why Greta Gerwig should adapt The Magician’s Nephew instead of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

I had some thoughts. They are below the cut in list form

Something we Haven’t Been Shown Before- to put it bluntly, we already have a perfectly good adaptation of TLTWATW, and it’s probably as good and accurate an adaptation as you could ask for. There are a few minor details that got cut and added, but honestly, as far as book-to-movie adaptations go, it’s extremely faithful to the plot, themes, characters, the whole shebang of the original book. Even if you don’t count the live action movie, there’s still the animated movie, the BBC production, and several play adaptations out there. It’s had its time to shine and by adapting The Magician’s Nephew, we’d be getting something fresh from the franchise.

Equally Accessible Starting Point- while TLTWATW was the first Narnia book to be written and published, chronologically The Magician’s Nephew takes place before it, serving as both a prequel and standalone story so that newcomers to Narnia could get into the series with either book. C S Lewis himself said that it didn’t matter which one people chose to start with, so it would serve as a great entry point for anyone looking to get into the Chronicles of Narnia as well as provide an interesting prequel for people familiar with the movies that already came out, leading me to my next point:

Worldbuilding- this book has so much cool stuff you guys. The pool world, Charn, the apple grove, the rings, Frank. ¡Actual literal worldbuilding! Also Sherlock Holmes and Atlantis for some reason. There’s just a lot of really interesting concepts and locations in this story that have the potential to be a true spectacle while also serving as a rewarding expansion of the universe that Narnia fans know that newcomers will still be able to appreciate.

Our Heroes- Digory and Polly are incredibly adorable and likable protagonists. They feel a good deal more fleshed out and realistic than the Pevensie kids in the books, and even though the movies went out of their way to give them some more depths, our dynamic duo from The Magician’s Nephew still feel quite distinctive in their own right. Their interpersonal conflict never grows as deep as something like, say, Edmund’s betrayal, but they both have different perspectives and things they bring to the table as individuals while also having a very fun, genuine friendship. Bonus points for being a rare boy/girl relationship that is never so much as hinted to be anything beyond platonic.

The Villains- The Magician’s Nephew has a pretty perfect combination of antagonists who manage to be memorable and legitimately menacing as well as pathetic little meow meows. This book gives us Jadis’ backstory as well as her getting to wreak unhinged havoc in downtown 18XX London as well as Uncle Andrew, a conspiracy theorist incel Redditor before Reddit was ever a thing. They’re delightfully entertaining in completely different ways, and seeing them onscreen would be an absolute treat.

Thematic Resonance- lots of things that happen in this book carry a lot of similar motifs to other films that Greta Gerwig has worked on, and since she hasn’t really created any epic fantasy style films yet, they could provide a strong emotional core to center any experimentation she tries out in the genre. You’ve got Digory’s loving but complicated relationship with his mother due to her illness displacing them from home, the coming-of-age aspects as the children encounter various adult figures they feel powerless to oppose, and learning the consequences of one’s actions. It’s even mentioned in the book that Polly is working on a little writing project that she’s sensitive about, like Jo March. A lot of people have complained that they feel Greta Gerwig will neuter the story by toning down the religious elements (which there is A LOT to dissect about concerning how C S Lewis’ beliefs led to things like the Problem of Susan, but there just isn’t enough information about the actual movie out yet to draw any actual conclusions) yet I’d argue that these emotional arcs, which play into Gerwig’s strengths as a director, could easily hold up a movie on their own if handled well. Combine that with the potential for unique visuals, the book’s surprisingly good sense of humor, and the many concepts that could be brought onscreen in a truly unique way, and you’ve practically got a recipe for a great addition to the Chronicles of Narnia unlike anything the movie fans have gotten before.

Feel free to disagree about any of that, though. Hearing where other people think the netflix movies should pick up would be really interesting, so leave any thoughts on the subject in the notes if you want. I just wanna see Fledge the pony accidentally get yanked into another dimension.

[abalovesfic]

Gonna talk more about The Book of Bill in this Ask. As well as ur answer to my 1st Ask:

"1. Preorders start today actually!!!!! It’s a really great zine and I’m excited to have been a part of it."

Nice!

"2. I do plan on finishing at least The Helpful Lie, I think I owe the fic that much and I have so much of it mapped out. That being said…"

I really do hope u will at least finish this fic someday. As well as Illumine and Cosmic Twins. And etc. I love these TAU fics dearly after all. However, I can wait. I have waited years for more of something, and I can take a long to post and stuff myself. And I can do the same with these things.

"3. Spending time in the Psych fandom has been so rewarding. This was the right time for me to transition into something else. I’m gonna put this vaguely for privacy’s sake— I needed a new fandom if I was going to engage healthily again. And honestly, I think in 7 months Psych has given me more support and community than 12 years in Gravity Falls ever did. (But that’s luck, considering I went to Psych con and met the people who live in my phone.) (And probably also demographics.)"

I am sad u feel like the GF community couldn't always give u the stuff that the Psych community did. I have had great times in the GF fandom(s) myself personally. Saying that, I am happy Psych and it's community is is making u happy right now.

"4. Obvi Gravity Falls and TAU are still the loves of my life and rn there’s this beautiful meld of Psych and Gravity Falls coexisting in my brain. Book of Bill was great and it reinvigorated something in me. So yes, I’ll come back eventually and write more but for now, I’m invested in my little queer detectives"

And I hope to see u and I am excited to see u come back more in/to the GF and/or TAU fandom(s) someday (like new chapters and/or fics. Etc.), but like I said, I am happy you are having fun with Psych right now. And/or having fun with a blend of Psych and Gravity Falls in ur mind.

Also, "Book of Bill was great and it reinvigorated something in me",

Cool!

Gonna talk more about this, but I will save that for it's separate Ask.

Thank you for ur Answer to my previous Ask.

:)

1/?.

Oof. Uhhhhhhhh.

I think it’s just the helpful lie I’ll be finishing. (Maybe cosmic twins.) I can’t go back to Illumine. I do not like to contradict canon and though I didn’t know Book of Bill would be a thing a the time, I still don’t like that my story arc was off and the fic is too far gone to change anything. I won’t delete it but I’m not finishing it.

I love the game of canon too much. I like having to work within its confines even if I’m going off the rails with an AU. It challenges me as a writer. So Illumine has lost its appeal, but The Helpful Lie has certainly gained some. I have thoughts about my dumb triangle son…

And ok ok… it’s not that Gravity Falls/ Tau wasn’t a great fandom with tons of love and support. It is! And forgive me if this gets TMI. But I felt like I would never be good enough for this fandom. All of my fic, cosplay the freaking fanzine I started, my whole thesis, every single academic conference I went to specifically to talk about the show, all of the work I put into to Gravity Falls: I was essentially destroying myself for a fandom that wouldn’t love me back with the same passion. I still LOVE Gravity Falls with my whole heart and soul. But that burnout still hurt me.

So this step back has been good.

And Psych is oddly different. I think the fandom is old enough now to be kind of its own thing— but going to Psych con was the eye opener. I was worried about being the new kid on the block in this fandom from 2006. But complete strangers have shown up for me, tried to help push my academic career by promoting my writing and trying to get me celebrity interviews (which didn’t work out but damn— I’ve never had folks do me those favors before just because they want me to succeed), among other things. It changed my perspective a lot to have total strangers hug me and tell me I had done so much.

That was very ranty and emotional because I’m super sleep deprived (Bill my son please hop into my brain and joy ride me around, leaving me to wake up in a Taco Bell and with half a chalupa. This flesh puppet is ripe for the takin’). But things have been good different in this new corner of the internet. And when I’m ready I’m gonna finish the helpful lie so that I can feel good about it and not like I’m jumping through hoops.

Oh and the blending in my brain looks like memes

[lucassinclaer]

jancy + 18 ❤️

okay so first off this was so goddamn fun!! tysm for sending this! second, this isn't proof read and i hope it actually fits, adkfjhadf

send me a things you said prompt

18. things you said when you were scared

There’s this thing Jonathan does when he looks at Nancy. She likes to think of it as the photographer's eye. Sometimes people don’t say what they’re really thinking. But you capture the right moment, it says more. Ever since they'd entered each other's orbit he hadn’t needed a camera to make her feel that seen. It's just him and that uncanny observance he has, laying her bare with a look. 

When things are fine it’s a triumph, a string he plucks that makes something in her chest sing. But it's the thing that undoes her when it gets worse.  

It’s what gives him the ability to leave her speechless in the woods. It’s what coils around her heart like barbed wire when she’s scared. It’s what makes her cry into his chest. Or it’s what makes her lash out when she isn’t ready for it. 

The quick burning anger in her resents it with an acidic meanness. “I never would have thought you were a coward,” she tells him as her thoughts clamor to justify the words as they tumble out of her mouth. Because she can’t stand that gaze, needs to disarm him like he disarms her. She just wants him to feel this same helplessness. Loving Jonathan has always meant this excruciating vulnerability. Cost and reward in one. 

It works. The repentance of him turns in a complicated twist of his features. “My mom, my siblings—they need me, Nancy! And I couldn’t risk you giving up your dreams for me, but I can’t just leave them.” 

She scoffs. The answer of a martyr. A better person than her who's never let leaving Mike or Holly behind stop her from pursuing her ambitions. 

But there’s a different kind of fury in her, too. Less sudden, less prone to pass in a few minutes when she'll regret what she's saying. Something different. 

“What about your dreams?” she asks. 

He looks like she slapped him. Actually taken aback. Like this time she's the one who might have exposed him. It’s hard not to find a kind of sickening satisfaction in that. 

“What?” 

“What about,” she repeats slowly, feeling control come back to her, “your dreams? You used to talk about NYU. All the time.” He says nothing. Somehow, it unfurls more of that simmering rage. “You think I don’t know you, Jonathan? You think that I don’t know that no matter what, Emerson or California, you were already giving up?”  

He stares at her, then looks away and she wants to scream for him to face her but the wave of fury she'd felt had broken over her head and everything else was dragging behind in its wake.  

“It was a stupid kid's dream,” he says and Nancy’s heart breaks. He’s never looked young to her before. Most times he reflected her own age, sometimes he'd look older than he should be. Never like this.  

Like a boy who's afraid. Scared out of his mind. Of leaving behind his family for something to befall them. Of not succeeding. Of being left behind. Of falling into a pattern he can’t escape, dragging everybody with him. 

Silence stretches between them and he shrinks in on himself more and more. 

“Jonathan.” She longs to reach out and twist her hands into his shirt to pull him close, but it's not the time. They can do that later and she can wrap her arms around him and card a hand through his hair and mourn for the little boy who felt he needed to leave his hopes behind for other people. “I don’t want you to sacrifice everything for me either. And neither does your mom. Or Will. Or El.” 

The anger has passed over her and left the wreckage of fear that must inevitably be faced. “Can we just start there?” 

[tactidoll]

Dollypop, got any rap recs?

so ive been planning on doing a series of playlists as a kinda introduction to rap, especially so after the dot vs drake beef has put rap back in the spotlight and made more people than ever actually aware of the lyrical content of these songs, its mostly been an issue of executive function beating my ass 5 ways to sunday lately, but suffice to say rap recommendations has been on my mind a lot lately

i could probably go on for a few hrs about hip hop and its place as the culmination of all music prior, but rap is a genre that more so than others rewards album listening so i will more often than not recommend albums over singles/tracks but ill try my best to isolate what i consider to be a well rounded list (no links cus i dont use spotify lmao)

theres a lotta ways to split up rap and hip hop as a whole into a thousand micro genres, especially when you take regions into consideration but i think im gonna go with just 15 tracks that cover as many bases as i can and give a little explanation for each track starting with

NY State of Mind - Nas: ny state of mind is THE classic in my books, dj premier provides the perfect boom bap beat for nas to make the final push to usher in a new generation of rap, literally sampling eric b and rakim in the chorus, the previous pair to bring the genre from the 80’s into the 90’s, furthering that push with more complex rhyme schemes and blending the street/gangsta rap of nwa and wu-tang with the jazzy introspection and philosophy of de la and tribe, a perfect set piece for the album of a desperate kid rapping and telling his stories like its his last day on earth because it just might be

Doomsday – MF DOOM: the manifesto of a super villain, a rulebook on rap, a re-emergence of a forgotten rapper, after the death of his brother and issues with the record label dropping KMD Zev Love X disappeared in ‘94 and then in ‘99 MF DOOM dropped operation: doomsday, the dizzying rhyme schemes and word play, the casual humor and pop culture and sampling referencing lends to a true statement of a song, that DOOM was here and was gonna change the world

4th Chamber – GZA: a dozen wu-tang tracks could’ve appeared on this list and all would be justified but 4th chamber is my favourite by far, starting with the now iconic samurai or kung fu film sample and then kicking into a crazy intro beat that calms slightly in time for ghostface killah to come in and pick it right back up with the first verse of this slick posse cut

Mathematics – Mos Def: Yasiin Bey Is a genius plain and simple, another track produced by preemo another masterpiece of a beat, Bey raps about the sociological statistics that work to keep the black population down in this mathematically driven guide through the politics of the late 90’s

You Got Me – The Roots: this track really shows just how good live instrumentation can be, black thought is one of the greatest of all time, simple as frankly I don’t have too much more to say its just a brilliant song

Wesley’s Theory – Kendrick Lamar: the opening to the greatest album of all time, opening with the mission statement of the album, the sample at the start before the james brown esque hit me pulls the tone back down to earth, part one of the track being a young kdots reactions to the money hes been looking for and part two kendrick plays the role of uncle sam the mascot of white supremacy looking to exploit over eager black artists and talents and lump them with a bill and lock them up when they cant pay it, the deep seeped politics, the groove of thundercat and george clinton of the parliments and funkadelic collectives and the dr dre break really helps sets the tone of the album

Jazz (We’ve Got) – A Tribe called Quest: the perfect jazz rap song, the beat was original made by pete rock before being remade by q-tip, a quintessential classic of the genre simple as

Shook Ones pt 2 – Mobb Deep: the greatest gangsta rap song of all time and frankly its not close its something spectacular, the hardest two 19 year olds ever sounded, over a dark almost evil beat produced by havoc this track is an absolute landmark for not just queensbridge but the entirety of the east coast

Introvert – Little Simz: this track is nothing short of spectacular, a powerful, cinematic, orchestral masterpiece, deep diving into her inner turmoil and her roots, the corruption of the british government, this song shook me to my core when I first listened to simbi, a rallying cry that calls for a war against the oppressing forces further tightening the chains if we ever are to be freed from the oppression

Don’t Cry – J Dilla: this song is gorgeous, chopping up I cant stand (to see you cry) by the escorts into a wonderful beat, made by jay dee in the final throws of his life, half worked on while hospital bound, frequent collaborator and fellow soulquarian questlove stated that this was a message to his mother as J dilla knew the end was near

Nuthin’ But A G Thang – Dr Dre ft Snoop Dogg: the quintessential G-funk banger the genre doesn’t get better than this

SORRY NOT SORRY – Tyler, The Creator: a weird choice for this list, I wasnt sure if I wanted to include it because its so tied to tylers discography but its honestly one of the best rap songs ever when you have the context, especially when you take into account the music video where tyler and all the various versions of himself stand before an audience of ex’s and other notable judgemental presences in his life, as he kills almost every version of himself barring the ‘ugliest’ sides of himself in igor and goblin era tyler potentially insinuating those parts of him still reside inside him

I Used to Love H.E.R – Common: this song is so very important, maybe the best use of metaphor in the whole genre, a fallen out of love story for that very same genre, fantastic storytelling and a great beat by no I.D. one of the most important producers and figures in hip hop out of chicago

Aquemini – Outkast: the title track from one the duos third album and really the record that put the dirty south on the radar on a nationwide level, a sign of their decision to stick together for as long as possible, andres verses really shows hes one of the all time greats and that big boi is not far behind at all

Hazard Duty Pay – JPEGMAFIA: this song was all I listened to for a few weeks after it release, an aggressive single verse track over a soulful beat what more could you want

[shuxiii]

Everyday pt. 9

Hanni Pham x reader pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5, pt6, pt7, pt8, pt9, pt10, pt11, pt12, pt13

a/n yall ask for a daerin crumb but ill apologize in advance teehee, credits ''every day'' by David levithan

Day 6007

I wake up the next morning in Beyoncé’s body.

Not the real Beyoncé. But a body remarkably like hers. All the curves in all the right places.

I open my eyes to a blur. I reach for the glasses on the night-stand, but they’re not there. So I stumble into the bathroom and put in my contact lenses.

Then I look in the mirror.

I am not pretty. I am not beautiful.

I’m top-to-bottom gorgeous.

I am always happiest when I am just attractive enough. Meaning: other people won’t find me unattractive. Meaning: I make a positive impression. Meaning: my life is not defined by my attractiveness, because that brings its own perils as well as its own rewards.

Shim Ja-yoon’s life is defined by her attractiveness. Beauty can come naturally, but it’s hard to be stunning by accident. A lot of work has gone into this face, this body. I’m sure there’s a complete morning regimen that I’m supposed to undergo before heading into the day.

I don’t want to have any part of it, though. With girls like Yoon, I just want to shake them, and tell them that no matter how hard they fight it, these teenage looks aren’t going to last forever, and that there are much better foundations to build a life upon than how attractive you are. But there’s no way for me to get that message across. My only course of rebellion is to leave her eyebrows unplucked for the day.

I access where I am, and discover I’m only about fifteen minutes away from Hanni.

A good sign.

I log on to my email and find a message from her.

Yn,

I’m free and have the car today. I told my mom I have errands.

Want to be one of my errands?

H

I tell her yes. A million times yes.

Yoon’s parents are away for the weekend. Her older brother, is in charge. I worry he’s going to give me a hassle, but he’s got his own things to do, as he tells me repeatedly. I tell him I won’t stand in his way.

“You’re going out in that?” he asks.

Normally, when an older brother asks this, it means a skirt is too short, or too much cleavage is showing. But in this case, I think he’s saying I’m still dressed as the private Yoon, not the public one.

I don’t really care, but I have to respect the fact that Yoon would care—probably very much. So I go back and change, and even put on some makeup. I’m fascinated by the life Yoon must lead, being such a knockout. Like being very short or very tall, it must change your whole perspective on the world. If other people see you differently, you’ll end up seeing them differently, too.

Even her brother defers to her in a way I bet he wouldn’t if she were normal-looking. He doesn’t blink when I tell him I’m going out for the day with my friend Hanni.

If your beauty is unquestioned, so many other things can go unquestioned as well.

The minute I get into the car, Hanni bursts out laughing.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she says.

“What?” I say. Then I get it.

“What?” she mocks me. I’m happy she feels comfortable enough to do it, but I’m still being mocked.

“You have to understand—you’re the first person to ever know me in more than one body. I’m not used to this. I don’t know how you’re going to react.”

This makes her a little more serious.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re this super hot pretty girl. It makes it very hard for me to have a mental image of you. I keep having to change it.”

“Picture me however you want to picture me. Because odds are, that’ll be more true than any of the bodies you see me in.”

“I think my imagination needs a little more time to catch up to the situation, okay?”

“Okay. Now, where to?”

“Since we’ve already been to the ocean, I figured today we’d go to a forest.”

So off we go, into the woods.

It’s not like last time. The radio is on, but we’re not singing along. We’re sharing the same space, but our thoughts are spreading outside of it.

I want to hold her hand, but I sense it wouldn’t work. I know she’s not going to reach for my hand, not unless I need it. This is the problem with being so beautiful—it can render you untouchable. And this is the problem with being in a new body each day—the history is there, but it’s not visible. It has to be different from last time, because I am different.

We talk a little about Jiwon; Hanni called her house a second time yesterday, just to see what would happen. Jiwon’s father answered, and when Hanni introduced herself as a friend, he said that Jiwon had gone away to deal with some things, and left it at that. Both Hanni and I decide to take this as a good sign.

We talk some more, but not about anything that matters. I want to cut through the awkwardness, have Hanni treat me like her boyfriend or girlfriend again. But I can’t. I’m not.

We get to the park and navigate ourselves away from the other weekenders. Hanni finds us a secluded picnic area, and surprises me by taking a feast from the trunk.

I watch as she picks everything out of the picnic hamper. Cheeses. French bread. Hummus. Olives. Salads. Chips. Salsa.

“Are you a vegetarian?” I ask, based on the evidence in front of me.

She nods.

“Why?”

“Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we’ve eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you’re a carnivore and you add up all the animals you’ve eaten—well, that’s a long time in purgatory, being chewed.”

“Really?”

She laughs. “No. I’m just sick of the question. I mean, I’m vegetarian because I think it’s wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment.”

“Fair enough.” I don’t tell her how many times I’ve accidentally eaten meat while I’ve been in a vegetarian’s body. It’s just not something I remember to check for. It’s usually the friends’ reactions that alert me. I once made a vegan really, really sick at a McDonald’s.

Over lunch, we make more small talk. It’s not until we’ve put away the picnic and are walking through the woods that the real words come out.

“I need to know what you want,” she says.

“I want us to be together.” I say it before I can think it over.

She keeps walking. I keep walking alongside her.

“But we can’t be together. You realize that, don’t you?”

“No. I don’t realize that.”

Now she stops. Puts her hand on my shoulder.

“You need to realize it. I can care about you. You can care about me. But we can’t be together.”

It’s so ridiculous, but I ask, “Why?”

“Why? Because one morning you could wake up on the other side of the country. Because I feel like I’m meeting a new person every time I see you. Because you can’t be there for me. Because I don’t think I can like you no matter what. Not like this.”

“Why can’t you like me like this?”

“It’s too much. You’re too perfect right now. I can’t imagine being with someone like … you.”

“But don’t look at her—look at me.”

“I can’t see beyond her, okay? And there’s also Minj. I have to think of Minji.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t know, okay? How many waking hours were you in there? Fourteen? Fifteen? Did you really get to know everything about her while you were in there? Everything about me?”

“You like her because she’s a lost girl. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen before. But do you know what happens to people who love lost girls? They become lost themselves. Without fail.”

“You don’t know me—”

“But I know how this works! I know what she’s like. She doesn’t care about you nearly as much as you care about her. She doesn’t care about you nearly as much as I care about you.”

“Stop! Just stop.”

But I can’t. “What do you think would happen if she met me in this body? What if the three of us went out? How much attention do you think she’d pay you? Because she doesn’t care about who you are. I happen to think you are about a thousand times more attractive than Yoon is. But do you really think she’d be able to keep her hands to herself if she had a chance?”

“She’s not like that.”

“Are you sure? Are you really sure?”

“Fine,” Hanni says. “Let me call her.”

Despite my immediate protests, she dials her number and, when she answers, says she has a friend in town that she wants her to meet. Maybe we could all go for dinner? She says fine, but not until Hanni says it’ll be her treat.

Once she hangs up, we just hang there.

“Happy?” she asks.

“I have no idea,” I tell her honestly.

“Me either.”

“When are we meeting her?”

“Six.”

“Okay,” I say. “In the meantime, I want to tell you everything, and I want you to tell me everything in return.”

It’s so much easier when we’re talking about things that are real. We don’t have to remind ourselves what the point is, because we’re right there in it.

She asks me when I first knew.

“I was probably four or five. Obviously, I knew before that about changing bodies, having a different mom and dad each day. Or grandmother or babysitter or whoever. There was always someone to take care of me, and I assumed that was just what living was—a new life every morning. If I got something wrong—a name, a place, a rule—people would correct me. There was never that big a disturbance. I didn’t think of myself as a boy or a girl—I never have. I would just think of myself as a boy or a girl for a day. It was like a different set of clothes.

“The thing that ended up tripping me up was the concept of tomorrow. Because after a while, I started to notice—people kept talking about doing things tomorrow. Together. And if I argued, I would get strange looks. For everyone else, there always seemed to be a tomorrow together. But not for me. I’d say, ‘You won’t be there,’ and they’d say, ‘Of course I’ll be there.’ And then I’d wake up, and they wouldn’t be. And my new parents would have no idea why I was so upset.

“There were only two options—something was wrong with everyone else, or something was wrong with me. Because either they were tricking themselves into thinking there was a tomorrow together, or I was the only person who was leaving.”

Hanni asks, “Did you try to hold on?”

I tell her, “I’m sure I did. But I don’t remember it now. I remember crying and protesting—I told you about that. But the rest? I’m not sure. I mean, do you remember a lot about when you were five?”

She shakes her head. “Not really. I remember my mom bringing me and my sister to the shoe store to get new shoes before kindergarten started. I remember learning that a green light meant go and red meant stop. I remember coloring them in, and the teacher being a little confused about how to explain yellow. I think she told us to treat it the same as red.”

“I learned my letters quickly,” I tell her. “I remember the teachers being surprised that I knew them. I imagine they were just as surprised the next day, when I’d forgotten them.”

“A five-year-old probably wouldn’t notice taking a day off.”

“Probably. I don’t know.”

“I keep asking Minji about it, you know. The day you were her. And it’s amazing how clear her fake memories are. She doesn’t disagree when I say we went to the beach, but she doesn’t really remember it, either.”

“Soobin, the twin, was like that, too. He didn’t notice anything wrong. But when I asked him about meeting you for coffee, he didn’t remember it at all. He remembered he was at Starbucks—his mind accounted for the time. But it wasn’t what actually happened.”

“Maybe they remember what you want them to remember.”

“I’ve thought about that. I wish I knew for sure.”

We walk farther. Circle a tree with our fingers.

“What about love?” she asks. “Have you ever been in love?”

“I don’t know that you’d call it love,” I say. “I’ve had crushes, for sure. And there have been days where I’ve really regretted leaving. There were even one or two people I tried to find, but that didn’t work out. The closest was this girl Danielle.”

“Tell me about her.”

“It was about a year ago. I was working at a movie theater, and she was in town, visiting her cousins, and when she went to get some popcorn, we flirted a little, and it just became this … spark. It was this small, one-screen movie theater, and when the movie was running, my job was pretty slow. I think she missed the second half of the movie, because she came back out and started talking to me more. I ended up having to tell her what happened, so she could pretend she’d been in there most of the time. At the end, she asked for my email, and I made up an email address.”

“Like you did for me.”

“Exactly like I did for you. And she emailed me later that night, and left the next day to go back home to Maine, and that proved to be ideal, because then the rest of our relationship could be online. I’d been wearing a name tag, so I had to give her that first name, but I made up a last name, and then I made up an online profile using some of the photos from the real girl’s profile. I think her name was Haerin.”

“Oh—so you were a girl?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Does that matter?”

“No,” she tells me. “I guess not.” But I can tell it does. A little. Again, her mental picture needs adjustment.

“So we’d email almost every day. We’d even chat. And while I couldn’t tell her what was really happening—I emailed her from some very strange places—I still felt like I had something out there in the world that was consistently mine, and that was a pretty new feeling. The only problem was, she wanted more. More photos. Then she wanted to Skype. Then, after about a month of these intense conversations, she started talking about visiting again. Her aunt and uncle had already invited her back, and summer was coming.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Yup—uh-oh. I couldn’t figure out a way around it. And the more I tried to dodge it, the more she noticed. All of our conversations became about us. Every now and then, a tangent would get in there, but she’d always drag it back. So I had to end it. Because there wasn’t going to be a tomorrow for us.”

“Why didn’t you tell her the truth?”

“Because I didn’t think she could take it. Because I didn’t trust her enough, I guess.”

“So you called it off.”

“I told her I’d met someone else. I borrowed photos from the body I was in at the time. I changed my fake profile’s relationship status. Danielle never wanted to talk to me again.”

“Poor girl.”

“I know. After that, I promised myself I wouldn’t get into any more virtual entanglements, as easy as they might seem to be. Because what’s the point of something virtual if it doesn’t end up being real? And I could never give anyone something real. I could only give them deception.”

“Like impersonating their girlfriends,” Hanni says.

“Yeah. But you have to understand—you were the exception to the rule. And I didn’t want it to be based on deception. Which is why you’re the first person I’ve ever told.”

“The funny thing is, you say it like it’s so unusual that you’ve only done it once. But I bet a whole lot of people go through their lives without ever telling the truth, not really. And they wake up in the same body and the same life every single morning.”

“Why? What aren’t you telling me?”

Hanni looks me in the eye. “If I’m not telling you something, it’s for a reason. Just because you trust me, it doesn’t mean I have to automatically trust you. Trust doesn’t work like that.”

“That’s fair.”

“I know it is. But enough of that. Tell me about—I don’t know—third grade.”

The conversation continues. She learns the reason I now have to access information about allergies before eating anything (after having been nearly killed by a strawberry when I was nine), and I learn the origin of her fear of bunny rabbits (a particularly malevolent creature named Swizzle that liked to escape its cage and sleep on people’s faces). She learns about the best mom I ever had (a water park is involved), and I learn about the highs and lows of living with the same mother for your entire life, about how no one can make you angrier, but how you can’t really love anyone more. She learns that I haven’t always been in Maryland, but I move great distances only when the body I’m in moves great distances. I learn that she’s never been on an airplane.

She still keeps a physical space between us—there will be no leaning on shoulders or holding hands right now. But if our bodies keep apart, our words do not. I don’t mind that.

We return to the car and pick at the remains of the picnic. Then we walk around and talk some more. I am astonished at the number of lives I can remember to tell Hanni about, and she is amazed that her single life bears as many stories as my multiple one. Because her normal existence is so foreign to me, so intriguing to me, it starts to feel a little more interesting to her as well.

I could go on like this until midnight. But at five-fifteen, Hanni looks at her phone and says, “We better get going. Minji will be waiting for us.”

Somehow, I’d managed to forget.

It should be a foregone conclusion. I am a seriously attractive girl. Minji is a typically jerk.

I am hoping that Hanni’s theory is right, and that Yoon will only remember what I want her to remember, or what her mind wants her to remember. Not that I’m going to take this far—all I need is confirmation of Minji’s willingness, not actual contact.

Hanni’s picked a clam house off the highway. True to form, I confirm that Yoon doesn’t have any shellfish allergies. In truth, Yoon has tricked herself into thinking she’s “allergic” to a number of things, as a way of narrowing down her diet. But shellfish never hit that particular watch list.

When she walks into the room, heads actually turn. Most of them are attached to men a good thirty years older than her. I’m sure she’s used to it, but it freaks me out.

Even though Hanni was concerned about Minji having to wait for us, she ends up coming ten minutes after we do. The look on her face when she first sees me is priceless—when Hanni said she had a friend in town, Yoon was not what she pictured. She gives Hanni her hello, but she’s gaping at me when he does.

We take our seats. At first I’m so focused on her reaction that I don’t notice Hanni’s. She’s receding into herself, suddenly quiet, suddenly timid. I can’t tell whether it’s Minji’s presence that’s making this happen, or whether it’s the combination of her presence and mine.

We’ve been so wrapped up in our own day that we haven’t really prepared for this. So when Minji starts asking the obvious questions—how do Hanni and I know each other, and how come she hasn’t heard about me before—I have to jump into the breach. For Hanni, fabrication is a ruminative act, whereas lying is a part of my necessary nature.

I tell her that my mother and Hanni’s mother were best friends in high school. I’m now living in Los Angeles (why not?), auditioning for TV shows (because I can). My mother and I are visiting the East Coast for a week, and she wanted to check in on her old friend. Hanni and I have seen each other off and on through the years, but this is the first time in a while.

Minji appears to be hanging on my every word, but she isn’t listening at all. I brush her leg “accidentally” under the table. She pretends she doesn’t notice. Hanni pretends, too.

I’m brazen, but careful with my brazenness. I touch Hanni’s hand a few times when I’m making a point, so it doesn’t seem so unusual when I do it to Minji. I mention a Hollywood star that I once kissed at a party, but make it clear that it was no big deal.

I want Minji to flirt back, but she appears incapable. Especially once there’s food in front of her. Then the order of attention goes: food, then Yoon, then Hanni. I dip my crab cakes in tartar sauce, and imagine Yoon yelling at me for doing so.

When the food is finished, she focuses back on me. Hanni comes alive a little and tries to mimic my movements, first by holding her hand. She doesn’t move away, but she doesn’t seem all that into it; she acts like she’s embarrassing Hanni. I figure this is a good sign.

Finally, Hanni says she has to go to the ladies’ room. This is my chance to get her to do something irredeemable, get her to see who she truly is.

I start with the leg move. This time, with Hanni gone, she doesn’t move her leg away.

“Hello there,” I say.

“Hello,” she says back. And smiles.

“What are you doing after this?” I ask.

“After dinner?”

“Yeah, after dinner.”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe we should do something,” I suggest.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Maybe just the two of us.”

Click. She finally gets it.

I move in. Touch her hand. Say, “I think that would be fun.”

I need her to lean in to me. I need her to give in to what she wants. I need her to take it one step further. All it takes is a yes.

She looks around, to see if Hanni is near, and to see if the other guys in the room are seeing this happen.

“Whoa,” she says.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I really like you.”

She sits back. Shakes her head. “Um … no.”

I’ve been too forward. She needs it to be her idea.

“Why not?” I ask.

She looks at me like I’m a complete idiot.

“Why not?” she says. “How about Hanni? Jeez.”

I’m trying to think of a comeback for that, but there isn’t one. And it doesn’t even matter, because at this point, Hanni returns to the table.

“I don’t want this,” she says. “Stop.”

Minji, fool that she is, thinks she’s talking to her.

“I’m not doing anything!” she protests, her leg firmly back on his side of the booth. “Your friend here is a little out of control.”

“I don’t want this,” she repeats.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be!” Minji yells. “God, I don’t know how they do things in California, but here, you don’t act like that.” she stands up. I steal a glance at her slight flush ears and see that despite her denials, my flirtation did have at least one effect. But I can’t really point it out to Hanni.

“I’m gonna go,” she says. Then, as if to prove something, she kisses Hanni right in front of me. “Thanks, baby,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She doesn’t bother saying goodbye to me.

Hanni and I sit back down.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her again.

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve known.”

I’m waiting for the I told you so … and then it comes.

“I told you that you don’t understand. You can’t understand us,” she says.

The check comes. I try to pay, but she waves me off.

“It’s not your money,” she says. And that hurts just as much as anything else.

I know she wants the night to end. I know she wants to drop me off at home, just so she can call Minji and apologize, and make everything right with her again.

[clickedbait]

She didn't get to leave Hawthorn or the island all that often. Days off came as a reward and earned privilege. Perhaps many would frown at that, but she didn't mind it. It kept her focused, disciplined, and ready. She liked living on the island and with the other chefs, but being allowed off it getting a day off? That was a treat and she was going to take advantage of it by taking the boat into town curtesy of Dale-- another chef with more than the general know how on both boats and acting. She'd dressed herself in civilian clothes-- something simple. Capris jeans and a baby blue button down, sleeves rolled to her elbows. It was a common look for her, hair pinned back and faint smile on her lips. She felt comfortable in it, a close second to the comfort of a Hawthorn chef's jacket.

But she was doing her best not to think about that jacket or the tasks that came with it. She was, again, taking advantage of the day ahead of her-- including picking up a new journal. She'd filled her last one to the brim with thoughts, recipes, and secrets-- the tattered item in her purse hung over her shoulder. She'd burn it while still in town. No reason to hold onto those thoughts or even the recipes (all memorized or official in some fashion at Hawthorn). She found comfort in burning the leather bounded book almost every other time she came into town... enjoying letting go of what's inside.

There's one thing about Katherine though that sets her apart from the rest of the world when she steps onto the mainland. She doesn't have phone. No cellphone to keep up with her friends or her family-- why would she? Hawthorn was her home. Her family. Her friends. She didn't need anyone else-- she wasn't meant to. That's how good it was to work for Chef. Didn't matter how he treated her last year in punishment for denying him. Didn't matter that she had to fight tooth and nail for her position in feeling like she had some of his respect again. She was happy with her life.

Arriving on the mainland was easy and it was even easier to find her way to her favorite little bookstore. Sometimes she'd reward herself with a book purchase, but the only times she had to read were in the wee hours of morning and it was that or sleep. Mind you some of that time was used for the journals she'd have, but sleep was important. It was recommended-- frowned on really if you missed it and yawned the next day. Either way, it didn't stop her from perusing just slightly some of the new releases as she entered. Picking up one and turning it over to read the back flap before returning it to its place. She gave a muted grin to the clerk who greeted her after helping someone, shaking her head when asked if she needed help. She was fine.

She made her way too the back of the store where journals were kept, eyes fixating on the wall lined with them. She nearly missed the woman walking out of the kids' area with a couple books in hand-- Katherine throwing on the brakes and stopping dead. She was quick on her feet thanks to her time in the kitchen, dark blues quickly snapping to find a woman she almost didn't recognize. Mind you it'd been years since she'd seen the woman, but Katherine rarely forgot a face. Especially one you saw almost every week for nearly a year before one dropped out. @witchdoctrines.

She remembered her name (came with knowing a face), but hadn't she gotten married since then? God. How long had it been since college even? The years felt as though they blended together working in this industry and especially since joining the team at Hawthorn. Not that it mattered. The point was-- Katherine recalled who Emilie was. It wasn't just her face and name. She could remember how terrrible the woman was at cooking. How awful she was despite the trying attempts to do well-- had Katherine ever paid her mind to help or was she too wrapped up in her own world.

Quite like now.

Katherine blinks quickly and gives a shake of her head, "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings," but she barely pauses before adding, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're Emilie, right? I think we had a class together back at NYU-- culinary arts one, I believe?"

[hashioki7]

When they fight together again

Travis Hackett stared at the figure sitting with hands clasped between their eyes. Well, to be precise, he glared. In the quiet sheriff's office, where even the rustle of clothes seemed audible, the blonde figure before him was clearly an unwelcome guest.

"If you have something to say, spit it out. I'm busy," Travis said, his voice dismissive, chilling the already frigid temperature of the office. He inwardly felt a slight pang realizing his words sounded colder than intended. Of course, he didn't want to be here with her and hoped she'd leave soon. But considering what he had done to her in the past, he thought it best to at least outwardly be as courteous as possible.

Laura looked up at him with visibly discontented eyes but said nothing. Travis, curious, observed her again with those dark eyes—eyes his mother always found unsettling—licking over him like a flame.

Given her usual demeanor, it was odd she wasn't retorting. Something was up, something quite troublesome, judging by her behavior.

Laura fidgeted with her shirt sleeve, her shoulders tense, indicating considerable nervousness. But her expression—though tense—seemed more like she was searching for the right words rather than just being nervous.

Travis had seen such expressions before. Criminals with something to hide, seeking some kind of reward by divulging information just before confession, often wore such faces.

This was going to be even more troublesome. Travis sighed inwardly, making sure not to show it on his face.

Laura's profile, bowed to avoid his gaze, suddenly flushed red. When she looked straight at him, her eyes were resolute.

"I need your help."

"…Regarding what?"

"Ryan… You remember him, right? The camp leader from that incident. He's gone missing."

"What does that have to do with me?"

Laura furrowed her brows, briefly silenced, searching for words again. Her cheeks regained their color.

"…There seems to be something supernatural involved. I don't know if it's a werewolf, but… no, probably not. But what I can say for sure is that it's not human."

"Why would you think that?"

"Ryan, you see, got into Bizarre Yet Bonafide podcast… As part of an internship, he started working for that show. Then, he went to this town rumored to have supernatural occurrences and we lost contact with him. And that town is about 20 km from here."

"Are you kidding me? After all the havoc that incident caused, after ruining people's families and homes, you still haven't learned your lesson? What are you thinking!"

Travis slammed his fist on the desk without thinking. But seeing Laura flinch, he immediately composed himself.

"No… That wasn't meant for you to hear. I apologize."

"Yeah… Well, it's natural for you to think that, given your position."

"And then? What exactly can I do? Even if the enemy is a werewolf, we don't even know its identity, right? I'm just a sheriff, not a ghost hunter."

"But you have more knowledge and experience dealing with supernatural phenomena than we do, right?"

Travis chuckled under his breath.

"Is this the first time in six months since that incident that you've come to ask for help? You're still as cheeky and presumptuous as ever."

"But you involved me in that incident, didn't you? Especially about Silas…"

The last words stabbed at Travis's heart like a knife. It seemed Laura hadn't intended to voice that. Her flushed face turned porcelain-pale, and she bit her lower lip, looking down.

An awkward silence fell between them.

"If you won't cooperate, we have other options," Laura said, her voice quiet yet determined.

"We've gathered quite a bit of evidence from that incident, us camp leaders. We'll take it all to the police and spill everything."

"Hmm… Wouldn't that trouble you more? I lost everything—my family, my home—in that incident. I have nothing left to lose. When that incident becomes public, it's your futures that will be scarred."

"Of course, we'll make sure only the parts that inconvenience us don't get out. With multiple testimonies aligned… who do you think everyone will believe?" Laura retorted.

"…Is this blackmail?"

"No… Please," Laura pleaded.

Well, it had certainly become troublesome. This time, Travis sighed deeply without trying to conceal it.

"Give me some time to think… I know time is short. I'll contact you by tonight. Where are you staying?"

"Harbinger Motel." Was it just his imagination, or did Laura's words carry a faint hint of laughter as she replied?

"Thanks, Travis." As he watched her walk away from the sheriff's office, Travis realized that deep down, he had no intention of refusing her request.

"Shit"

He frowned, clicked his tongue, and exhaled deeply, not knowing how many times he had sighed today.

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

Philia 2 for Neira and June

Storge 3 for Noya and Liam

Storge 5 for Kala

(I hope your weekend is going well! c:)

[ask game]

Weekend's been busy but not bad (sans the heat lol), hope yours went well too! :]

Philia 2: Does your OC find it easy to make friends? Or are there barriers to them doing so? If so then are these due to issues of inclination, communication, or something else entirely?

Neira: To her surprise, she's better at it than she thought! Jowan was practically Neira's only friend in the Circle for various reasons, and after being conscripted is the first time that she forges connections with such a wide array of people. She is a good listener and respects boundaries and is doing her best to learn, though she does have a sort of. quiet stubbornness when it comes to getting through to people. The part she struggles with is the "i am allowed to gain something in turn" part of friendship, but what are friends for if not for forcibly teaching her this

June: She's... really not great at it, and shies away from even trying for a long time because she is very aware of this fact. June has trouble emphasising with people if she can't directly relate to them in some way, and often isn't good at communicating what she needs, both things that, you know, are important for friendships. The thought of having to Learn how to do it, and worse, the possibility of being rejected regardless is fucking intimidating. So for her finding friends is basically done via vibe check; either they get on from the get-go, or not at all.

She gets better at it though! Throughout Inquisition and after she puts a lot of effort into actually forging and maintaining proper friendships, and hey, it works! :)

Storge 3: How far does parental approval (imagined or expressed) impact upon their current sense of self-worth? What might they sacrifice or attempt to achieve in order to ensure the approval of their parents?

Noya: Her parents managed to leave her with a pretty good sense of self-worth, all things considered. Noya used to look up to her mother a lot, so when people told her that she was just like her it made her proud, even if it wasn't always said as a compliment. It did sometimes leave her feeling like she couldn't live up to the image she'd built of Adaia in her head, and things got even more muddled after she died. Eventually it circled back around to giving her confidence though. Cyrion surely played a big part in this, his support did a lot for her self-image. As for approval.. it wasn't exactly for approval and more for the sake of making him happy, but she did agree to the wedding for Cyrion's sake.

Liam: Ahahahah. Well. Intentional or not, both his parents' but especially Leandra's way of raising the kids has strongly tied his sense of self-worth to his ability to care for his loved ones. He is already protective by nature, and living as a family with apostates naturally meant they had to be careful, so protecting the family and his siblings has always been a high priority. Leandra starting to put increased responsibility and blame on him after Malcom's passing obviously didn't help. What would he sacrifice for it? A Lot <3

Storge 5: Is your OC able to love without necessarily needing or expecting reciprocation or reward? Or are all their relationships to some extent transactional? Have they ever loved another person unconditionally, whether a child or another adult?

Kala: Ohh this is an interesting one. For a very long time she believed that everything in life is, in some way, transactional. Nothing is for free. However i would also say that she loved Rica unconditionally. She would have argued that it was still transactional; they were both instrumental to each others' survival, after all. And she would have said that the reason she did not expect anything from Rica in return was because she owed her anyway.

It takes her a long time after getting out of Orzammar to come to appreciate love for its own sake, but at the same time comes to the conclusion that love is never unconditional. She believes that love doesn't form without prior conditions and will not last without them either, even if they are indirect or subconscious.

[saphiraprince22]

Beautiful Just The Way You Are

Author talks: This is my first ever ask and thank you so much for it @aroseinvelaris I hope this is what you are looking for.

Warnings: Leo being insecure of his body and hurt and comfort for Leo.

Leo was confident for most part but sometimes he just couldn't help but compare himself to the other boys at camp.

They were stronger, smarter and had more muscles than he could ever imagine that had the ladies swooning over them.

Now don't get him wrong at the back of his mind he knew that he could give them a run for their money but he just couldn't help but wonder why you wanted him.

His beautiful girlfriend, who was so smart, strong and oh so pretty. You had met him not long after he came to camp after the war, at first you guys were just friends and he was with Calypso.

It all went down hill when Leo and Calypso broke up and you were the only one that could get Leo to have his food. Though he kept up his façade of being the coolest person around you were the only one who saw through his act and could confront him and you were the only one who had seen him cry after his mothers death, that was when he realized that maybe you were the one he wanted.

And it didn't take long after that for him to finally confess to you and you had smiled and told that he had taken long enough and that if he hadn't confessed soon you would have done it yourself. It was then that he realized that he would be happy after all.

Leo knew that the color green never suited him and that he had no reason to be jealous or as he vehemently put "annoyed" by other boys at camp. You knowing him like the back of your hand always assured him that the other boys were just athletic airheads (God forbid Percy or Jason hears this) and that he was way cooler and that she thought it was hot seeing him build things at his bunker.

That had definitely gone to his head and you later found him flexing as he worked around bunker knowing that you were watching as you fondly rolled your eyes and refused to acknowledge the warmth of your cheeks.

All these thoughts were swimming inside his head when he was laying at the infirmary after picking a fight with some Ares kids who saw you as an object of reward and not the smart and powerful demigod that you were.

You had been out the whole week for a quest and were blissfully unware about this and he knew that he would most probably get an earful once you were back.

And you were definitely not happy to seeing him with a bruised eye and a busted lip, but you didn't say anything as you sat at the end of the bed waiting for Leo to explain himself.

You knew that Leo rarely picked fights and you also knew that he wouldn't have done it without any reason so you kept quite as he explained what had happened.

What drew you attention was that at the end he mumbled. "Maybe they are right and that I don't deserve you."

"Leonidas Valdez what makes you possibly think that I don't deserve you?"

Leo started at you wide eyed, sure you guys had your fair share of fights but never had you used his full name before. "T-They are right aren't they, I mean I can't fight like them, I don't makes the girls in Aphrodite cabin swoon over me, they don't even consider me as a compet-"

You didn't let him complete as you pulled him in for a passionate kiss and you only let him go once your lungs were gasping for oxygen.

Leo was wide eyed for the second time that night and it was for an entirely different reason, he had never seen you like this and maybe he liked this new change.

"You listen to me very carefully Leo, you are beautiful just the way you are, with these hands that can fix and build just about anything, that keep me warm when its cold outside, that can cook for me because you and I both know that I most probably would have starved to death without them."

That drew a laugh from both of you and you held his hands as if that were most precious things to ever exist. You then cupped his face delicately as he would with all the trinkets he would make for you at his bunker.

"This beautiful, handsome face that comes with the smart ass mouth that just wouldn't keep shut in the most dangerous of situations, the same that just wouldn't stop assuring and encouraging me when I am feeling down."

You once again pulled him for a kiss but this time it didn't last as long as he wanted it to.

"I love you for who you are Leo, I don't care what others think about you, I know who you are and I am in love with you not them so I want you to promise to me that you wouldn't let anyone's opinion change you."

Leo had a warm an watery smile on his face as he held his pinky, "Pinky promise," he whispered as you grabbed his pinky with yours mirroring the same smile that he had. "Pinky promise".

The two of you giggled as you kissed each other. You suddenly pulled back and Leo noticed a fire in your eyes that he had never seen before.

"You are my man Leo Valdez keep that in mind I don't want anyone to look at you the same way I do, do I make myself clear?"

Leo smiled and gave a salute as he replied, "Yes Ma'am".

You both laughed out as the night was filled with laughter and stories of your quest and before Leo could welcome the sleep he looked down at your sleeping figure with a small smile on his face as he knew that no matter how many insecurities and problems you two would have you both would always be there for each other and that it would be ok.

Taglist:

@aroseinvelaris

[steelcityreviews]

PREVIEW INTERVIEW with GRAND HORIZONS director Ryan Trepanier

Coming soon to Dundas Little Theatre is a play about families, acceptance and growth. I had the pleasure of a virtual interview with director Ryan Trepanier and we discussed their vision for Grand Horizons as well as the company's winter clothing drive to assist our community.

What influenced you to direct for Dundas Little Theatre's Grand Horizons? 

I was happily surprised to find that when I read Grand Horizons for the first time, it was much more than a hilarious family comedy (which it still very much is). This play is a lot more personal to me than I would have ever expected. I can see my entire family in the characters Bess Wohl has given us. I thought it would be fun to direct this show from the perspective of the kids watching their parents look back on their lives together, whether that's regrets, desires, fears, etc. In a way, this play is a love letter to my parents, but hopefully to all parents of adult children. It's a really unique dynamic - how do us kids interact with and reason with our parents, who for so much of our lives, are the leaders, the ones who have all the knowledge and all the answers. This is really the question that permeates the show, as a real family dynamic plays out on stage.

For those unfamiliar with this show, how will the show speak to audiences? 

Ultimately, this is a play about very real people. Sure, the situation they're thrown into at the very beginning probably isn't a common problem most families face, but I challenge our audience not to find pieces of your own family in these characters. I can't help but empathize with this family, and I sincerely believe our audiences will too. Oh, and of course, the glue that holds this together is that while it's authentic and sincere, it's also incredibly funny. Because ultimately, we know families are funny and ridiculous in their own unique way. This play captures that, and I think audiences will appreciate how well constructed these characters are.

What challenges, if any, have you faced while bringing your vision to the stage and what have you taken from the experience? 

In a world with COVID, live theatre has definitely changed a lot. We've had to be flexible and patient in terms of rehearsing this play. But ultimately, having such an amazing group of people to work with - 7 incredible actors and an incredible team behind the scenes - it's made the whole process far less stressful than it probably should have been. The biggest takeaway from this production, though I think this just solidifies or confirms what I've always suspected, is that the hardest/most important part of any show is the casting and/or choosing your team to surround you. 

What have you found rewarding about bringing this production to the stage?

It's always incredibly satisfying to see a play take its shape in rehearsals. With this particular play, it's wonderful to watch the cast react to the heartfelt and meaningful moments on stage. I think, that much like myself, our cast and crew see the real people in this play. Everyone can mine their own meaning, and their own relation to these very real people portrayed on stage. And, every time a show goes up and it looks as good as you thought it would - that always feels like a little miracle, and I'm thankful for all of the people responsible for making that happen.

           5.   During this production, DLT will be collecting winter clothing items for Good Shepherd, Hamilton. What influenced the company to organize this and how can audiences help ensure that the clothing drive is a success? 

I have always felt that art should inspire. In the play, Grand Horizons, Nancy is organizing a clothing drive for refugees. Nancy wants to live in a world where people care about others and I saw an opportunity to follow her lessons. We reached out to the Good Shepherd and they were happy to partner with us. Audiences are encouraged to bring in their gently used seasonal clothing to the theatre on the night they see the show.

Thank you Ryan, for such fond insights regarding directing Grand Horizons and for finding such inspiration within the show to help set up a much needed clothing drive this winter!

Look for my full review of the show coming January 21.

For tickets and more information, please visit: https://dundaslittletheatre.com/tickets

Rehearsal photos provided by: Keith Sharp

[fizzingwizard]

I can hear the fireworks going off at the Tenjin matsuri. Thought about going but knew it would be hot, huge, and crowded, and anyway already planning to go to a smaller festival in a couple weeks.

Glad I didn't plan to because i absolutely would have backed out. I'm next level exhausted. Got weird muscle pain that I can't describe. I know I pulled something in my shoulder, but there's also head to toe soreness more like being sick than anything else. Not really any other symptoms except some vertigo earlier so we'll see.

Lots and lots and lots of teachers out sick and it's the first time this year I've seen my boss look panicked trying to figure out how we're going to meet teacher studio ratios. We did it, but mostly thanks to the unpredictability of student absences. I was asked to work overtime again. I've been making sure to take my breaks today and yesterday because I can feel how exhausted I am even though when I'm running around I usually don't notice it till I have a chance to sit. Also I'm done with those evaluations, although I still have a lot to do before the end of August.

Yesterday it was just me and my new young coteacher all day. The kids were difficult in the morning, but lovely after lunch. Today was the opposite. It was me and my experienced coteacher, plus a sub, and the kids weren't just lovely, they were amaaaazing in the morning. I have three kids who are behind the rest of the class: not understanding the daily routine, freaking out over minor transitions, running in circles non-stop, kicking, shrieking... that sort of stuff. During lessons one of them can sit and the other two usually can't. Every year we have kids like this and every year I wish we had training and support to care for them better.

But we do our best, and today, for the very first time ever, two of those kids not only sat through the entire lesson, but they actively participated. They only recently started to be verbal, and today they were talking and answering so clearly. One has never understood attendance. When I call their names, the kids raise their hands and say "I'm here." This student always runs up to me. Every day for four months, no amount of encouragement and modeling and watching other kids and even hand-holding has convinced her to do anything except run to me when I call her name. But today, she did it. Not only did she raise her hand, but she said "I'm here" perfectly. I was floored. Honestly could have cried.

And on top of that, a second kid, who has been probably my most difficult this year, was also able to do attendance very well today. It's not the first time for him, but he generally refuses, and today not only did he do it well, but he joined in every activity without any help, and spoke on his own without needing me to guide him through the words. I have been feeling across the board that my kids' bonds with me have been getting stronger, which is typical after being together a few months. But even though I'm not new to teaching ECE, I tend to forget at the start of a new year with new kids just how long it can take for all the kids to feel comfortable and start coming out of their shells. The majority of kids are fine from the start, so it's easy to be worried about what I'm doing wrong when the handful who struggle seem to keep struggling for months. It's especially challenging since they tend to be nonverbal, and even when they can talk, are just too young to know how to describe what they're feeling. Now we've been through a full quarter together and my kids are seeking me out first when they're upset, and also when they just want to have fun. They're recognizing me as the person who helps them with their problems, not just some buzz kill who doesn't let them hit each other with toys :P It's a big pick-me-up tbh, especially after last week's tantrum. And I felt that the tantrum student became closer with me after going through the tantrum and its aftermath as well. One of the very rewarding parts of teaching this age. I get a lot of stress and want to cry a lot, but when kids start to hit those goals and are happy and enjoying themselves, as well as enjoying their teachers, I remember why I still don't really want to do anything else.

And a bit of silliness to end: Before going home with her parents today, one of my kids came over and showed me her finger, where she'd put a toy like a ring. I admired it, but figured out she actually wanted me to remove the toy. So I tried... and it wouldn't come off x'D poor thing was starting to get upset. I didn't want to yank too hard and hurt her! I can't believe how tight she got it on her finger. But I did manage to get off without needing to find the pliers, lol, and she went home happy. I would ask why she put it on her finger in the first place but I know the answer was "she's three years old, it fit her finger, therefore on her finger it goes" XD