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becomingherocomic · 10 months

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Becoming Hero

How I almost died in South America in 2023 - #mybecoming

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This title isn’t actually click-bait! In this episode of Becoming A Real Life Superhero, I’m learning alongside you through my own #becoming–and we back back the story waaay up. I’ll take you from military deployment in Korea, to why I found myself under a knife in South America in July of 2023. Basically? I went to Paraguay to support indigenous people who deal with poverty, suicide, and abuse, and I had the privilege to watch some lovely #becoming journeys unfold. These are the protagonists I’m rooting for.

There’s a full AI-generated transcript below, for those who, like me, often get impatient watching videos and would rather read. Once you’re done with that, you can help Project Paraguay, which is an organization that has teamed up with me to provide a medical fund for my indigenous mobile health project. They’re a religious organization, but they are EXTREMELY CAREFUL to sequester funds carefully, so if you put “medical fund” in the comments of your donation, your money (with a tax deduction!) will go DIRECTLY to the medical fund and only the medical fund. I love that their US branch is all volunteer, so 100 percent of anything donated goes to Paraguayan aid. They’re SO transparent their entire budget is printed for you to see on their web page. IF you’d rather give me money directly (no tax deduction), I’m on Patreon, but the benefit of giving to Project Paraguay is that even if I die your money will be used to support Paraguayan healthcare. You can also lend your signature to help my birds and my husband be allowed to come live with me.

I provide you with these kinds of IRL stories because I want to find the few and the faithful who want to do more than common good–the ones crazy enough to imagine becoming real life superheroes. Not keyboard warriors. Not activists. Not a Twitter mob. And not just nice people. But people who take real action, put themselves on the line, drop the ego, and roll up sleeves to save lives.

If you’re ready to break the mold – to actually start saving people – join the five day free superhero mindset training here. I don’t believe in coincidence: you’re here for a reason. So don’t let this moment slip away and miss the chance to get your head in the game. “What if” isn’t a fun regret to have.

Transcript:

This is a picture of the thing that almost killed me this summer.

Let’s back it way up, before even getting on the plane to go to South America, and let’s back it up a couple years ago, before the pandemic, end of 2019, and the end of my military deployment.

Several years before that, I had gone to medical school started on a rather sad path of becoming a physician. During that time I was exposed to more deaths, violent and otherwise, than a lot of young physicians my age because of the kind of patient populations that I served. So because I was working in social medicine I knew people who had been stabbed to death or died in the street in Puerto Rico.

Then my extra exposure to OB that I out, I was exposed to a lot of really tragic infant deaths. I took a lot of this in stride until I was working as a sexual assault medical forensic examiner in the military. At this time things had started to build up and a lot of these unresolved small traumas had begun to kind of pile up in the back of my mind and body to a point where I was very on edge at any moment like might die. Then several rather horrible events happened at the end of 2019 that made it very clear to me that not only were the people, and this is not true, but this is what I believed because mental illnesses make you believe things, the belief that I developed was not only are the people around me going to die, but other people are going to stab my back if I try to help them because that is what happened. And I began to be watching my back all the because all of my rape patients male and female have been assaulted by people in our own military so you start watching your back knowing that the bad guys are on your own side rather than the people that you’re trying to fight but it becomes quite it becomes very horrible because you want to protect your soldiers and you don’t know who the enemy is and it became even worse because over and over again not a single one of them were able to get justice because people were so afraid.

Essentially, a culture of fear had been inculcated in the units that I deployed with. Everyone knew they wouldn’t be believed, even if they had the forensic exam that I offered. It would become a he said she said. And so what was a night of fun for one person became a life-ruining event for other people. I saw people dramatically change from before and after their event. People I knew were assaulted during that deployment in Korea.

So, I had a massive, massive breakdown because not only at this time was I dealing with this backlog of horrible things that I was reliving over and over again, but I also had a disease, a chronic pain disease called Fagromyalgia. This particular illness is one where your body’s neurotransmitters and your peripheral nervous system aren’t processed So your nerves feel pain all the time even when there should be no pain signals and what’s worse other stimuli can then be interpreted by your body as pain. For example if I became very sad I would then get to experience physical pain, sometimes even instead of the emotion actually.

So as this was going on my nights were becoming hell. Every night while I slept there was like a thing next to my bed. like some kind of presence. I developed sleep paralysis and in addition to this thing anytime I tried to go to sleep there was something waiting for me in my sleep so I’d be so tired and so much pain but I was having constant nightmares and night terrors and a lot of times I would get maybe two or three hours of sleep the morning would find me on the fetal position on the floor because I was in a ton of physical pain so I became very very sick and I became sick both physically and mentally that it became difficult to even leave the house. In fact I was almost bedbound for a period of about two years. I certainly didn’t go out to social events and it became almost impossible for me to work. What does this have to do with what almost killed me in South America? Ever since I was 12 years old, I have wanted to go back to Paraguay and help people who don’t have health care. When I was 12 years old, I was under these beautiful green trees at a site that there’s a church there now but at that time it was just green trees and there were some very poor children from the neighborhood who were running around barefoot and they’re running around through kind of dangerous areas with trash and so forth. Barefoot, this little girl sat on my lap and she was so skinny I could feel her bones like stabbing into my leg and at that moment I realized sitting there in a bolt-clown costume, I realized that I didn’t want to be a veteran anymore. I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to make sure that people were okay first. Animals have always been my special love and I am probably always going to like animals but it just became so clear to me that there were people in needed help, and Paraguay isn’t as famous so they don’t get a lot of attention and support.

To me it seemed like Paraguay, this beautiful country of cultural brilliance, was kind of suffering like an organ child not being noticed. So for 20 years I held on to that dream of wanting to go and establish an indigent clinic in Paraguay.

I saved up for 20 years and eventually was able to use that life savings, my savings and my husband’s savings, to buy an ultrasound machine this summer. All of my life savings on my back, that’s pretty terrifying, running across an airport with all your life savings on your back, or taking all your life savings into a jungle community anywhere you go with all your life savings you feel your sphincter clench a little bit took that to Paraguay with me this summer and it was a very special special summer you can see other videos on the channel about it but long story short I was surprised number one and how functional I was and number two I realized why I had had to go through all of those things the military. I remember a moment when I was standing on a hill overlooking the city of Pyeongtaek in Korea and I remember looking up and telling God you’re going to have to be exceptionally Calvinist, I told him, because I can’t believe in you so you’re going to have to have chosen me to believe in you because otherwise this isn’t happening. That was it was one of the lowest points in my whole life, lower than when I had seen my… I have had multiple little siblings almost die. So again, compiling the medical trauma of feeling like there’s always someone gonna die and there’s nothing I can do about it. And I had one little brother die when I was in medical school as well. So another reason that I think a lot of the betrayals of medicine hit me so hard was I felt like I gave up the last years of his life to be to provide patient care. I didn’t see him for the last few years of his life because the military and medicine did not allow it. And that weighed very heavily on me. I wouldn’t go back and undo what happened, but there was a period of time where I would have. There was a period of time when I thought, why have I done this? Why have I gone into medicine if people are going to, you know, ultimately everyone you take care of is going to die anyway at some point. Why have I had to go through all these horrible things, and more importantly than what I’ve had to go through, why have the people around me had to go through these things?

Why isn’t there someone better to help them?

It felt like I was fighting, losing battle.

I got an email a couple months ago, about in March, about a family in an indigenous community called Yvapovondy, who had lost their 15-year-old sister, daughter. She had opted to no longer live anymore, and the entire community was reeling. Around the same time, I was informed in more depth about the deep sexual trauma and abuse that a lot of indigenous women and children face very regularly.

A couple months before going to Paraguay. I hit an emotional wall when I realized my husband wouldn’t be able to come with me– Because in February the last airline in South America. Now I had been relying on the fact that I had survived the last year going outside i didn’t go outside without this little girl. i needed to have an emotional support animal. it’s actually a lie. people say that emotional support animals don’t have to be registered. it’s actually highly untrue. in order to use it for a landlord’s permit, for example, or in a hotel, you have to have a letter from a medical professional, and you have to have an actual diagnosis, as i do, as i have many. i can’t have a dog or a cat because i’m highly allergic to them, besides the fact that these guys are actually far more intelligent and your sponsor has trained appropriately. If not trained appropriately, that is absolutely not the case. So for the last airline, it doesn’t matter all this facts and information because the last airline had decided they couldn’t come with me, which meant that I was choosing between being a responsible steward of the animals in my life or living out my life long dream. I had to leave my husband so that he could take care of them so that we could be responsible because we aren’t going to be trash pet owners and just abandon a highly intelligent animal who I don’t know if you can see from me being away in the summer actually she had started plucking again they become very anxious when they’re abandoned we had improved her plucking significantly thank you are we playing we had improved her plucking and she was quite happy but then over the summer she started looking again while I’ve been away.

Imagine how much worse it would be if both me and my husband had been away. So I was terrified of this plane situation. I knew I was gonna be in intense physical pain and I knew I was gonna be by myself and that my husband couldn’t come with me. And it kinda seemed like the last straw after years of getting kicked in the butt like nothing is ever gonna go right. I just cried the entire day because it was like such a small thing it’s like just a small thing please just let me have the comfort of my little birds please just a tiny tiny thing. I wasn’t even allowed to have that. But when I got this email about this family that had lost their daughter their sister suddenly everything became so clear and I knew exactly what I to do and why I did to do it. I’m very happy to report that over the course of the summer we have been able to change the mother from not sleeping, not eating, and being in a place where her family was worried about her life, to now being again the female leader of her tribe, smiling, living her life, and sleeping and eating. She herself reports that the change has been super dramatic. And it’s because of everything I went through in the military that I have been able to collect evidence-based materials. So for that kind of change to happen was kind of astonishing and very special. All of, a lot of the other members of the family were able to come and get evidence-based tools that I had been given both as a patient and as a provider because of the terrible things that I’ve seen over the years, and because I’ve had so much experience helping people who’ve been through horrible situations, and because I had been helped to crawl out a horrific situation myself, I was able to come from a place of genuineness. I started cleaning trash that was lying around the community the first day I got there. And then the next time, I brought my ultrasound machine and showed a woman her baby. And then, little by little, I happen to mention my brother’s death to one of the sisters. I happen to mention my experience with also wanting to unalive myself, and my experience with my practice attempt as well.

And as I mention those things, little by little, we began to have an opportunity to dig into these things.

They did the work. They sat down and did the trauma healing together. But without the evidence based tools, that mother would still think that she is responsible for her child’s death. Being able to explain, this is a disease. Here are how the neurochemicals work. Someone had told me, oh, indigenous people aren’t educated. They don’t need to know the names of chemicals and so forth. but they did want to know. The father asked me the name of the chemicals by shajeraco-químico he said because they want to know what chemicals are making their lives difficult and what chemicals killed their daughters. Explaining the biological mechanisms made an enormous difference in them being able to understand what’s happening to them and because i’ve gone through it which i wouldn’t have been able to do any of this if i hadn’t gone through this myself. I was also able to start creating a children’s abuse prevention program in a different community and to begin identifying at-risk young girls for mentorship and trying to reach out to their parents about getting them school opportunities. This started with an exercise class that then turned into a how-do-you-as-a-child-tell-an-adult-if-something-is-happening-to-you kind of class. I’ll tell you another story about that later at another junction, but I just wanted to tell you this story to encourage you that no matter what you may be going through, even if it’s truly horrible and it’s the kind of thing that no simple plain cliches can help you with. You never know what is the purpose outside of it. You never know what is at the end of your story. So don’t end it prematurely because the end of your story may be absolutely beautiful and you don’t want to waste your suffering. You want all the suffering to add up to something. So how did I almost die in South America? During one of my visits, a particularly important visit where we were really getting down to brass tacks someone offered me the Paraguayan friendship drink day to day and I Drank it and it’s a shared drink that you share around and then the next day I started having this tummy pain Oh, no, I really hope I didn’t catch like a parasite in the indigenous community I had not caught a parasite in the indigenous community My pain started really gradually it became much worse And then I became really confused and uncertain because I often have random times of pain like that Because of my fibromyalgia, so I thought well, maybe it’s just something related to that I tried to ultrasound myself that didn’t give me very much information I was in pain and having a little bit of difficulty even, you know Being a human that function, right? So that was uh that was not happening so much so i was taken to an emergency room because i found myself in my room screaming and i realized this is not particularly normal and i just want this to end regardless of what this is whether it is my fibromyalgia and god i hope it’s not my fibromyalgia because i don’t want this to ever happen again and i remember in the hospital the first doctor who evaluated me of course assumed it was related to the fibromyalgia because the physical exam was so difficult because it couldn’t even touch my wrist without me like cringing in pain because everything hurt so he thought probably have a viral gastroenteritis with fibromyalgia and I was like well I did come in for your opinion I will say though I’ve never had a gastroenteritis like this so I stayed there for a little while and my who was with me was like, it’s good if it’s not something bad. I’m thinking in my head, man, if it’s not something bad, that’s a little concerning because I don’t want this ever to happen to me again. That’s incredibly painful. It’s almost a worst if it’s not something bad because that means it’s likely to happen again. Oh no, I don’t want this ever again. Whereas if it’s something bad, it’s not so likely to happen again. These were the thoughts that were going through my head as I was lying there in bed receiving intravenous fluids. Surgeon came in, checked me and was like, this is appendicitis. I’m about to get appendix surgery y’all. They operated, it was appendicitis, and my life was therefore saved. However, it ended up being very expensive because I was in a foreign country, so I had to pay out of pocket, And I had also overdrawn my bank account twice that summer buying supplies for the Indigenous communities. It is very expensive when you end up buying clothes, blankets, and food for an entire group of people. It is also very expensive to be traveling all the time and buying rides everywhere. It’s expensive to pay teachers to come to the Indigenous community. Everything is expensive. It’s expensive to pay people’s medical bills. Everything ended up being much more expensive than I had anticipated. I am going to try and see if my American insurance will reimburse me for the costs that happened while I’m in Paraguay. But in the meantime, if you do want to help support any of my work, you are certainly welcome to do so. Buying my books, watching my videos all the way through, all of those things are relatively cheap or even free ways to help out. If you ever see any of the sponsorships or games that I end up doing, So I just didn’t want to let you know that if you want to doing me on my adventures There are many ways to do so that don’t necessarily involve you handing me a check There are a lot of other ways to help out and if you are praying person, are you complaining? Okay, you’re right We need to go out. She’s asking me to shut up You can go out. You want to go out? If you are a praying person, I would definitely appreciate your prayers. So on my adventures, the less things trying to kill me, probably the better. That is how I survived almost dying in South America, and that is how I hope you will survive your next adventure remembering that The things that you’re going through have a purpose, you just have to figure out what it is.

https://becominghero.ninja/how-i-almost-died-in-south-america-in-2023-mybecoming/

#Superhero Alerts (Become a hero!)

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kotetsuandbarnaby · 2 years

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Okay, let's start with the Raleigh and Kotetsu parallel party.

It's gonna be a loooong post because oh boy, I have things to tell and I'm gonna tell them all tonight, so be sure to keep reading if you love both Pacific Rim and Tiger and Bunny, or if you're curious about a hell of a parallel.

First thing first: Both Kotetsu and Raleigh found their calling in being heroes, right? If you put that aside (and the fact they are the protagonists), their narratives specify that they are... pretty average, losers even. No ones.

They were never the most flashy or the smartest or fastest or even strongest. Not while growing up, not on their prime, less alone when compared to the new generations or the real legends. Well, that's whatever! Because they weren't looking for the recognition or the fame or the interviews. Raleigh and Kotetsu? They are heroes at heart, old-school rebeldes going after just one reward: the safety of their world, of their loved ones.

When you compare Yancy with Tomoe, you can see how both the story of Kotetsu and Raleigh started when they lost the person that meant the most to them. Kotetsu saw how Tomoe slowly died at the hospital, Raleigh was still within the drift with his brother when the kaiju took him down. There's a pain right there that they could never express to others. And what makes it worst is the fact that they were in the middle of a crisis when both Yancy and Tomoe died; they didn't have the time to slow down while it happened. They had to keep working— they sacrificed their last moments with Tomoe and Yancy in order to keep being heroes. Of course that's what Yancy and Tomoe would have wanted for them, since they were their main support. However, Raleigh and Kotetsu were the ones who took the decision and now they have to live with that.

Now now, after retiring, both of them got a job that wouldn't really fulfill them, but at least it'd provide a sense of purpose and some money. Deep down, we know neither of them wanted to stop being heroes to go build a wall or drive a cab. That's why they came back! But there's also a shared narrative that I adore: HeroTV and the jaeger program? They needed a veteran who knew how the game was played, someone capable of getting the job done not matter what, someone capable of overcoming the pressure and creating a breach or opportunity, someone capable of teaching others how to work as a team and someone who could bring the best out of their coworkers. Did HeroTV and the jaeger program knew that, that they needed them? Probably not, but Pentecost and Agnes, they had faith in Raleigh and Kotetsu. They saw how great they were when no one else could. Maybe Wild Tiger and Raleigh were a thing from the past, but they were a classic— and had a hell of an instinct, being honest.

Raleigh and Kotetsu have friendly personalities, without it meaning they are open when it comes to their internal struggles. They are soft and familiar, someone to lean on, to trust. They are all goofy smiles combined with cute modals and a strong body. They are not the stereotype of "masculine man", you know. They are considered kinda old without being falling in the seniors category, they are very independent, sincere and clasicfal troublemakers. They won't doubt to defend their beliefs with their fists or with their words. They go after what's right for them, even against their superiors. They feel, so much and so deep. They keep sacrificing themselves and taking the blame and putting themselves in danger, going with the heart and not the mind.

And oh lords, they are underestimated. Outright crazy, even when they jump to conclusions, they can be total geniuses. They are insane fighters without the need of a mechanic suit. Their endurance is out of this world. Capable of taking hit after hit and doing the impossible. You should really check once and twice before discarding them, or else you're gonna have big trouble when they come back. Real big trouble.

The symbolism surrounding them presents them as wild and original, unstoppable. Brawlers, smashers, crushers— they punch hard. And fast. Outdated and capable of little, but just enough. If anything, they are either your last hope or the ones who protect and guide the real last hope (in this case, Mako and Barnaby).

No details scapes them when they want to pay attention. They can read body language and social situations like no one else. And they meddle in, you can bet on that. Impossible to make them shut up if they have something to say.

I want to explore these all on the Pacific Rim au I'm writing for Tiger and Bunny, these and many other things that without a doubt I'll come to realize while writing. But for now, this long ass explanation would have to do. I hope you enjoy it and if you have anything to add or point out, don't doubt hitting my asks or comment.

I'd love to talk more about this!

#tiger & bunny #tiger and bunny #t&b #tnb #kotetsu t. kaburagi #kotetsu kaburagi #kotetsu t kaburagi #raleigh becket #Pacific Rim #Tnb pacific Rim au #T&b pacific Rim au #Tiger and bunny pacific Rim au #Tiger & Bunny pacific Rim au #Tnb parallels #T&b parallels #Tiger and bunny parallels #Tiger & Bunny parallels

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nileqt87 · 3 years

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How I’d write a Buffy/Angel spinoff!

I still say the best spinoff they could possibly ever make would be all the Chosen Slayers getting deactivated, then Buffy and a Shanshu'd Angel (IMO, this plot really would only work with Angel, because it actually matches his story arc, not Spike's, to want a human life and fatherhood) have a daughter who grows up not knowing the truth about her parents (and half-brother!) until it's forced to come out.

I would particularly note that the first thing that happens to newly-called Slayers is their prophetic dreams. If ever there was a way to start breaking secrets to this new heroine that also serves as flashback exposition featuring the old shows, this seems custom-built for it. It’s exposition for the audience that never saw the old shows as well as an introduction to a key Slayer ability, but most importantly, it’s personal family revelations that go far deeper than historical flashbacks of unrelated persons or monsters that mean nothing personal. These would be scandalous secrets for a baby Slayer, given Buffy was the rule-breaking Slayer who is most famous for having romantic relationships with the very creatures she’s supposed to slay. Angelus would be the worst family secret of all! This story has all the makings of an existential crisis before acceptance. That would also be a good place to drop in Connor’s history. Buffy never actually got to react to that bombshell either, so that would be an interesting drama with her, as well. Buffy and Angel both tended to feature heavily in prophetic dreams, so it also just feels right to continue that.

If there's some reason why David Boreanaz (who, let's face it, is really not getting younger and SEAL Team can't go on forever) can't or is unwilling to appear, one could have an explanation that Wolfram & Hart has had him trapped in a holding dimension for years as punishment.

You could even build an arc around that with Buffy or the daughter trying to find him. Basically, a kind way of explaining Angel's absence if necessary and Buffy unfortunately having to mirror her single mother (which was a fear of hers), despite it being no fault of Angel's. It would be yet more cruelty for him to miss out on yet another child growing up, which would be a dramatic plot point itself. It could actually become a story where he does matter quite a lot, despite initial absence or mystery.

An even bigger shock than mom having Slayer superpowers and a world full of supernatural forces would be a reveal that dad is a 394+-year-old (depends on if you count hell--in a modern-day spinoff, Angel is rapidly approaching 400 years!) ex-vampire.

The most interesting and fitting story you could ever do with a maturing Buffy would be having her be a mother and trying to have a normal life.

This would also give Sarah Michelle Gellar a starring role that allows her to be age-appropriate, yet also having a younger generation that the original audience can still care about because she isn't completely divorced from the two previous shows in the way that an unrelated Slayer spinoff would be. It allows the core storylines of *both* shows to truly matter, far more than a Buffy Steele-Gunn offspring would.

---

Just a a few notes about my pitch for a continuation that works with the real ages of actors and their availability... I should also note that Xander (played by Nick, anyway--Kelly might work for a flashback) is a character who could never appear in live-action again, so maybe he could be used as another event that contributed to Buffy's retirement besides pregnancy.

If the Shanshu and conception were directly post-NFA, any offspring would be 16 years old right now. IMO, if there were any plans to give SMG a series with her in a major supporting role, this just means that the space for how long between NFA and the Shanshu or how long Bangel got to be with each other widens for however many years it would take to revive the franchise.

I strongly believe that the best option for the franchise would be a back-to-the-suburbs story exploring age-appropriate Buffy facing motherhood, rather than trying to turn Buffy into a war general surrounded by nothing but subordinates (horribly alienating future for her) with a lack of equals or a grounded setting à la the season 8 comics. If you want to introduce the Buffyverse to a new audience whom you can't expect to watch 24-year-old shows until they're interested enough by the revival, you're going to have to ground characters in a relatable reality.

As for how a new Slayer would be called after deactivation, I firmly believe the line is through Faith now anyway, so it would just take her dying for a minute à la Prophecy Girl for a new Slayer to be called. I would definitely want Faith in the show!

--- Facebook discussion

I feel like SMG's concern was less wanting to reprise the role entirely, but more concern that she'd be expected to play the same exact role in her 40s. This is giving her a role that fits a woman (and a mother in real life) who is in her 40s and is a major supporting role rather than he young lead whose story is being centered on.

As for the Angel situation, SMG might actually be more willing to return if she could beg DB to come back for perhaps an initially-limited role and the scenario is one I believe she'd actually support, as it fits with her preferences!

While it might seem that Buffy as a single mother retreads the original, Angel is obviously nothing like the Hank situation (not to mention Joyce and Hank being completely clueless), so the circumstances of the father would be quite different from Buffy's own situation, while also feeding into her own stated fears about her future.

This also brings up all the conversations in Bad Eggs, The Prom and the Chosen cookie dough analogy (children are mentioned again) to the forefront. Unlike with the other options, it was something that came up repeatedly. Admittedly, it was always by Angel due to his infertility and the human life he most desired; all of which ended up being an important part of *his* story.

However, a part of Bad Eggs that is woefully underrated is that Buffy was disappointed when Angel told her vampires can't have children. She immediately covers it up with a babble speech and then starts making excuses for why Slayers are unlikely to have that kind of future. Young Buffy did not disregard it because she didn't want children ever at all, but because the person whom she saw that future with was someone who couldn't have them.

Enter Nikki Wood, where Buffy learns that at least one Slayer was definitely a mother, which she was clearly surprised by.

That's another reason why I can see Buffy, if she got her hopes up with post-Shanshu Angel and conceived, would do anything to be a good mom by not being all about "the mission". She would never want her child to be raised without parents. And I think she'd be doubly sensitive to that, not just because of Nikki, but because of Hank leaving and Joyce dying.

Buffy also became surrogate mother to Dawn, who was made out of her (in a sense, she is her real mother), so Angel's situation with Connor actually had a direct mirror in Buffy's situation with Dawn.

But those conversations were also not just about wished-for children that couldn't be conceived, but also asking Buffy to think about what she wants for her future if she took out the belief that Slayers don't live long enough to have one.

This show would be the answer to what happens to a Slayer when she does live long enough to have the future she barely wanted to get her hopes up for before.

Buffy (ditto Angel) is the character for which this story actually has a ton of setup in the shows themselves. These characters talked about it! And the circumstances are really nothing like Joyce and Hank, even if the initial setup plays into both Buffy and Angel's worst nightmare scenarios about parenthood: being a single mother and not getting to raise the miracle child you thought you'd never have. That kind of bittersweet writing that shirks too-good-to-be-true wish-fulfillment is a cornerstone of what makes it a Buffyverse storyline. If the daughter's family lied to her about their history to keep her safe and protect her from knowing what goes bump in the night (making them the polar opposites of Hank and Joyce in regards to knowing all too well--especially Angel's experience of being the worst thing you could bump into at night, rather than utterly clueless), that would certainly be a conflict. Especially if she found out in a particularly shocking way (say, prophetic dreams). And if Angel (I'd like to imagine he has the company of ghost!Wesley and maybe Illyria and Spike) has been taken for punishment by Wolfram & Hart, it might really confuse her if she doesn't know that he didn't just leave or some other excuse Buffy covered it up with. Wolfram & Hart would also probably love the irony of Angel getting what he most desires (to be human and a father), only to punish him with it by wasting his remaining years separated from all that he loves.

#bangel #buffy summers #angel the vampire #buffy the vampire slayer #angel: the series #angel the series #angel #sarah michelle gellar #david boreanaz #buffy #vampire slayer #angelus #connor angel #wolfram & hart #shanshu #btvs #ats

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luna-rainbow · 3 years

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Sam, Steve and Bucky meta (part 2)

This is a meta exploring their relationships through Sam's POV. Part 2 covers events in Civil War.

Steve and Sam spent the next two years trying to find Bucky.

When a Russian trained assassin wants to go underground, he's impossible to find. It didn't help that Steve wanted to keep the search a secret. Sam was resorting to inventive ways of getting leads from his contacts without making it clear who they were tracking down.

He's read the thin file Natasha gave them cover to cover a hundred times now. The file was impersonal, almost depersonalising. He knew the man's date of birth and capture, the dates of entering and exiting cryostasis, his measurements, his allergies, the languages he could speak, and his responses to the experimentations. He knew the dates of some of the assassinations, but he knew nothing of what was inside.

Steve was always grateful for any leads Sam came up with, but didn't like to talk about him. Maybe it pained him to recall the man in the past, when he's almost unrecognisable in the present.

Sam wondered what it was that made the Captain so determined. Sometimes he thought Steve would do this for anyone he fought alongside, and then sometimes he remembers Steve's quietly muttered, "Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

Sometimes, when bored, Sam would try to profile "James Buchanan Barnes". He should be supportive, loyal, trustworthy. Maybe also caring. Strong-minded, to have survived the initial experiments from Zola. Brave enough to fight beside the Captain as a small team. An excellent shot...Sam would stop himself there; it was so easy to default to external attributes.

Sam wasn't sure he wanted to join the Avengers. He was just a regular guy in a jetpack, and saving the world was for people with fancier powers than himself.

When Steve finally convinced him to meet the group, Tony Stark took an instant fascination to his wings and had an upgrade for him in a week. He was surprised, because out of all people he was most wary of this wayward billionaire who is media's favourite badboy. He heard countless rumours of the guy's ego, and Sam's main hesitation was that he did not want to take orders from superiors who didn't know where their head's at.

But the Avengers had a more egalitarian relationship. Things were discussed as a group and everyone's opinions considered. Tony's love for theatrics was balanced by Steve's groundedness, and both had an earnestness for doing good.

He decided to stay, and just as he was settling in, the Avengers family had their first divide over the Sokovia Accords. Tony, having just been confronted about his own culpability over what happened in Sokovia, wanted to sign. Steve, who had just personally - and at great personal risk - dismantled an infiltrated government organisation, was much more reluctant.

"If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose."

As a vet, Sam experienced first hand military directives that threatened his personal beliefs, and it was one of the reasons he left. He stood behind Steve.

Before things could proceed, the unthinkable occurred.

There was a terrorist bomb attack on the UN Convention. In an instant, the monicker "the Winter Soldier", his association with Hydra, and his real name and image was broadcast across the world. The ghost story had become a real threat in everyone's consciousness.

"If he's this far gone, I should be the one who brings him in." Sam heard Steve say on the phone, "Because I'm the one least likely to die trying."

Steve still believed there was a goodness in Bucky. He still hoped that, two years from their last encounter, the man might do what he did last time and choose not to kill him.

Even after the man had just blown up a building with over a hundred people inside.

Sam wanted to believe the image of Bucky he had created for himself - steadfast, strong-willed, perhaps a little like Steve in his stubbornness. He wanted to hear the man's story, because he would either lead them to any remaining forces of Hydra, or he had another justification. There must be a better explanation for why he would stay quiescent for two years then suddenly do something so dreadful. Secretly, Sam also believed that the legendary Winter Soldier who nearly killed him twice would not have been so amateurish.

The realisation of this thought made him shudder. This guy had been sitting on his mind for too long, and it was twisting his judgement.

He knew it was futile, but he asked Steve whether he was sure he wanted to continue this quest.

Steve's answer was at once unsurprising, exasperating and touching in his faith. "He'd do it for me."

It was hard not to be envious of this guy who had fought alongside the Captain more than 70 years ago, who had left a string of murders and atrocities in his wake, yet was still regarded as a companion.

"The people who shoot at you usually wind up shooting at me," Sam pointed out.

He thought Steve hesitated for a moment. Perhaps he understood, perhaps he chose not to. Bucky was like a curse on both their minds that would not rest until they find him, but Sam just hoped that if shit does hit the fan, Steve has enough sense to remember that there was someone else he could believe in that wasn't Bucky.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Bucky was finally apprehended. It was perhaps the best outcome for everyone - Steve would be happy he's still alive, everyone else would be relieved he's in their hands, and at least he would have the chance to plead his case.

Except things went downhill from there.

Bucky flipped back to Winter Soldier rage, and the psychiatrist who was there when it happened vanished into the panicking crowd. This time, it was Steve who pulled the unconscious Bucky out of a river.

Sam was at the end of his patience. The guy had just torn through half the Avengers. He was a menace and a ticking bomb, but Steve refused to take him back. In the end, they reached a compromise and kept him clamped down.

"Which Bucky am I talking to?" Steve demanded when the man woke.

Still dazed, Bucky muttered, "Your mum's name was Sarah." He then chuckled to himself, "You put newspapers in your shoes."

Steve let out a small sigh of relief, "You can't read that in a museum."

As the two men dissolved into doltish smiles, Sam couldn't believe it, "Just like that, we're supposed to be cool?"

Bucky was cordial and cooperative with everything Steve asked. Sam could see from Steve's manner that the Captain believed he had his best friend back, but Sam had learned about biases in psychology class. Sometimes you want to believe something so badly because you have craved it for so long and needed it to be true.

Sam told himself that he needed to stay rational, because on this matter alone, Steve seemed to lose his levelheadedness. Fortunately, any pity he had for the former assassin was quickly evaporating under his bristly attitude.

The Avengers clashed at the airport. The match was tight, and time was short. Zemo might already be at Siberia, which would mean 5 more super soldiers unleashed on the world.

When Steve told Bucky to head to the jet, Sam cut in and told them to both go. There was no way he was going to let a volatile murder machine go off to Siberia on his own and meet up with his winter soldier comrades. Who knew which way he would turn?

The likelihood of them all flying out was too low, and they just didn't have the time to fight it out. Bucky knew the way, and he needed to go with someone who can control him - and at that moment Steve was the only bet.

Did he regret it when they ended up in the Raft? Only a little. If there hadn't been the threat of the super soldiers, if they didn't have the Sokovia Accords overhanging them, he would have preferred to convince Steve to bring Bucky back, rather than put his entire team in jail over a violent enforcer who would eventually have to face the law.

When Steve came to find Sam, he was alone. In typical laconic form, Steve recounted the brawl in Siberia with a few sentences. As he finished, he said, almost emphatically, "What he did all those years, it wasn't him. He didn't have a choice."

Sam understood that, but he also understood Tony's grief. What victim could accept "he didn't have a choice" from a murderer? What about their choice when he went after them?

But what he heard next surprised him. Bucky had chosen to go back into cryo because he couldn't trust himself to control the Winter Soldier.

He was free, but he put himself back in chains because he didn't want anyone else to be hurt.

That was the first time Sam separated Bucky from the Winter Soldier.

#sam wilson #bucky barnes #steve rogers #sambucky #captain america: civil war #cacw #mcu #meta #almost fanfic #tfatws

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xianglingslesbian · 4 years

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ewbts - my top moments

no i will never stop laughing at that abbreviation it’s beautiful. buckle in because this is gonna be long, and probably don’t read it unless you’ve watched/read kuroko’s basketball and like izuki lmaoooo

chapter 1: hatchling, awaken

Izuki swallows. “Why do you all think I can do this?”

Then Kiyoshi turns to him with steel in his eyes (that must be how he got nicknamed Iron Heart - he seriously never backs down!) and asks him very clearly, “Why don’t you?”

Why don’t I think I can be captain?

“Because nobody thought I could be until now.”

aka “ceru is a masochist”, exhibit 1/???. anyway lets hear it for insecurities!!

chapter 2: liftoff

Predictably, Kuroko drags him aside at practice the next day and says, “I have something to tell you, Izuki-senpai.”

Izuki smiles at him. “Is it about your five evil exes?”

Kuroko looks horrified. “My what?!”

i think im funny

chapter 3: crash landing

As Izuki walks off the court, he looks for flashing glasses and grey eyes.

He curses himself for the heavy sadness that falls over him like a blanket when he doesn’t spot them.

yay for “ceru is a masochist” exhibit 2!

Oh, he [Izuki] watched videos of Aomine, came up with strategy after strategy to corner him, but videos and strategies can only go so far. Aomine in real life is something else entirely, a flash of lightning setting the court on fire with the sheer elegance of his crazy street basketball. All one can do is sit back and watch, awed beyond belief. Nothing can curb the wild madness that is Aomine Daiki – unrestrained, gleeful insanity dancing across the court like it’s his playground.

i also rlly like this line, it has some pretty imagery and we all know im a slut for pretty imagery~

chapter 4: a broken bone grows back stronger

“All right,” Koganei says to himself, moving to stand in front of the hoop. “One more time.”

He jumps, raising the ball to just above his face and releasing it. It misses, and he lets out a cry of frustration.

Can he even do this? Is it worth the time?

Koganei bites back the wave of guilt that washes over him at the thought. Izuki, Kiyoshi, Tsuchida, Rinnosuke, Kagami, Kuroko – he’d be letting them down if he didn’t give this his best shot. They’re all so dedicated to basketball that they each have a special skill honed from years of practice and love for the sport. If he can’t bring anything of his own to the table, what will he mean to this team? Seirin makes him want to be a team player, to add his skills to theirs rather than shining on his own. The change is good, yes, but he doesn’t want to stop there – he doesn’t want to be useless.

He will not be useless.

a bit of context: in this fic, since hyuuga did not return, koga became the SG for seirin :D i think my favorite character to develop, apart from izuki, was koganei - it was so fun to imagine all the ways he could have gone!

chapter 5: spreading new wings

All too soon, the day of judgment arrives, and Seirin convenes in the gym one last time before they head off to the Winter Cup building. No one says anything; not Kagami, fresh from his training trip to America, not Izuki, not Kiyoshi or Riko. They simply stand there, breathing in the scent of cleaner and leather and something else that’s so entirely Seirin, and knowing that no matter what happens this Winter Cup, they will return to the gym different people than they were before.

Different, and better.

Then they head out and off to the opening ceremony of the Winter Cup, not looking back once as they do.

yay for more pretty words!!!

“Oh, no worries. The actual motivational part is coming. Anyway, as I was saying – Tōō was just better than us that day. It’s hard to admit, I know: far easier to blame yourself, say you didn’t give it your all, but you know; we all know. It was their day to shine, not ours. But I think we’ve worked hard enough and are in a good enough mindset to change that, today. We aren’t scared or apprehensive about Tōō and Aomine, because we’ve faced them before. We know what attitude they’ll walk into our game with, and that’s what we’re going to exploit!”

“You’re going to exploit,” corrects Tsuchida. “Unlike you, the rest of us aren’t manipulative bastards.”

That raises a bunch of cackles, which quiet down when Izuki gives his team a glare. It doesn’t work on Riko, however, who sniggers under her breath and smirks at him.

izuki highkey sucks at pep talks lmao

chapter 6: ride the storm

Kagami and Aomine were made for each other. Made for this rivalry, this intense competition that will push them to their very limits and carry them onto a plane that no ordinary human can reach. Neither can defeat the other per se - they’re destined to stand neck and neck forever. However, one has a trump card on his side; and that trump card can make all the difference in the world.

Aomine Daiki may be strong, but Kagami Taiga is just as good. And damn him if the power of Kagami’s determination coupled with Kuroko’s unshakeable support won’t overwhelm the undisputed king of basketball.

Move aside, light bulb, Izuki thinks vindictively. The tube light is here to replace you.

pretty words. gay words. i love them (aokaga + izuki being a salt man lmao).

chapter 7: eagle versus aegis

“So bitter,” he [Izuki] reflects aloud, answering Himuro’s question.

That’s the emotion in his eyes. That’s what I might have become, if I had let my anger grow.

And suddenly he isn’t seeing Himuro Tatsuya anymore, but a version of himself, a version with darkened eyes and a mocking smile and pain and rage bubbling below the surface. Immensely talented, but not able to break the last barrier. Because he’s an ordinary man, and it’s as much as an ordinary man can do.

Strong, so strong. But also so terribly, heartbreakingly weak. Weak in a way that today’s Izuki Shun will never be.

GOD where do i even start w/this scene its literally everything i’ve ever wanted to write ksjfhsfj

chapter 8: clawing through mirages

Izuki’s taken aback for a millisecond before he continues his mad dash towards Murasakibara, letting out a war cry as the center makes to simply toss the ball into the hoop.

“It wasn’t their intention,” says a quiet but familiar voice. “But, this is the result of Kiyoshi-senpai and the other upperclassmen’s tenacity.”

Izuki grins, feeling new strength fill him up.

Together, huh? Okay. Together.

“This is where it ends for you!” shouts the voice, becoming stronger.

Not one, but two hands knock the ball out of Murasakibara’s hands and onto the ground. Kuroko shimmers into vision, smiling at Izuki with all the happiness in the world, just as the final buzzer rings.

i loved writing this match tbh, yousen is super underrated!

chapter 9: catch the updraft

21 - 22, in their favour at long last. Izuki grins at Kasamatsu, who shakes his head wearily.

“Using my own advice against me. What a terrible student you are,” he says, affecting an old man’s voice.

“The true student is the one who beats the master at his own game,” Izuki says quickly, sliding back into their familiar banter. “I swore to myself, my drive would beat your drive today, kitakore.”

“When did you get so wise?” asks Kasamatsu with a sigh, ignoring his pun and receiving the ball from Kobori, who was quick to grab it once Koga scored. Izuki just laughs, not bothering to reply and instead focusing carefully on Kasamatsu’s movements.

Kasamatsu shifts his weight right, left, then right again. Izuki narrows his eyes, trying to figure out what the hell his upperclassman is doing—

But it’s far too late, as Kasamatsu successfully passes through his defence in his moment of distraction, ball clutched tightly in hand. The sound of the scoring whistle is shrill and unpleasant to Izuki’s ears, and his chest stings at the loss.

“What was that about the main course?” Kasamatsu teases, wearing an enormous grin as he comes forward to guard Izuki once more.

izuki + kasamatsu banter is so so fun to write y’all have no idea

chapter 10: headwinds

This is your fault. If you’d been a better captain, a better point guard, a better everything, none of this would’ve happened. Seirin would have been well in the lead and controlling the game—

Izuki shakes his head violently, trying to get rid of his intrusive thoughts. He knows he’s a good captain, and doing this to himself will do no good for the rest of the team. He has to be strong for them. He has to lead them to victory, he can’t be a weak person overwhelmed by emotion. But it’s so hard to breathe, suddenly, and Izuki’s about to sink when—

“Don’t worry, Captain. I’ll take care of this match today,” says a confident and familiar voice, and a hand claps down on Izuki’s shoulder. He turns, a little surprised by the sudden contact, to find Koganei’s cat mouth set in a determined frown. “You can rest your hopes on me. I’ll be Seirin’s wings for as long as you need me to.”

kogazuki brotp feels man. kogazuki brotp feels.

chapter 11: cliff edge

Riko nods, sobering up a little. “I do know. And… I have to admit, I was a little harsh on you in the early days… I kept comparing you to Hyūga-kun.” She looks at the ground briefly, then raises her head to continue, meeting Izuki’s eyes with no hint of doubt in her own brown irises. “But then I saw how different you were. How you were never willing to give up, even if you were the worst player in the world. That’s what… that’s what made me truly believe in you.” She swallows thickly, taking a deep breath, but not averting her gaze from his.

The honesty and trust in her eyes is what shatters Izuki’s calm.

He steps forward, and she rises too, opening her arms. Then he hugs her tightly, murmuring, “Thank you for having faith in me.”

The “Of course. You’re family,” that she whispers back fills Izuki’s already overflowing heart even further.

Eventually, he lets her go, and she drops lightly to the ground, straightening her sweater and skirt.

“We never speak of this,” Izuki warns her, moving towards the door of the room.

Riko nods, back to her usual haughty demeanour. “Of course. No one can know we’re actually big softies who care a lot for each other.”

“To them, we’re just sarcastic jerks,” Izuki agrees. “And that’s the way it stays.”

anyone said izuriko brotp???? this fic is just platonic feels tbh

chapter 12: overcast skies

What should I do? Someone tell me! the voice cries out in Izuki’s head, a voice he hasn’t heard since the loss to Tōō. It is the same voice that whispers all his insecurities in his ear in the dead of night when no one is around to reassure him, the same voice that gave rise to all his fears and worries. It is the voice of the vulnerable and weak part of Izuki, the one that needs someone to guide him with a gentle hand, and he hates it.

It is a voice that, frankly, he never thought he would hear again. Yet, here it is, crying out for attention, screaming for someone to help.

He thought he had left it behind. It turns out he was wrong.

Izuki shoves it deep into his heart with more effort than he’s exerted all game, breathing a heavy sigh when he succeeds in locking it behind the glass wall that keeps his emotions away.

let’s hear it for “ceru is a masochist” exhibit 3~

chapter 13: nosedive

“I don’t know who you are,” Koganei completes his little speech, anger brimming in every part of his being. “But I know that my captain is Izuki Shun, not Akashi Seijūrō. The coach can bench you if she likes; we can fight without our captain, because we know he wants us to win for his sake. We’ve been fighting without him all the match, and we can continue doing so. We don’t need a player that can’t play with the same passion as us!”

Izuki looks at the ground and doesn’t respond. Somewhere within, something is stirring at Koganei’s words. Something that cries out to fill the gap inside him.

Next to speak is Kiyoshi, standing up and executing much the same move as Koga had by yanking Izuki up by his collar. However, Kiyoshi pulls Izuki into a standing position so that Izuki is half-leaning against him.

Brown eyes meet black, and Kiyoshi simply states, “I didn’t expect this from you, Shun.”

Then he rears his fist backwards and punches Izuki in the jaw.

“ceru is a masochist” exhibit 4!

chapter 14: bird of prey

“I just… I didn’t think you’d give up so easily.”

Koganei’s head shoots up. There’s fury in his eyes, and his face is white. His hands are shaking.

Izuki continues, calm and careless as he always is, “Really… after you gave me all that talk at halftime? I don’t believe this is you.”

Koganei’s jaw clenches, and he cries, “But I have done everything I can! He’s just too good—”

“And when has that ever stopped you?” Izuki keeps his voice quiet and even, but it has the gravity he intended it to - Koga falls silent immediately, eyes wide and riveted on him. “When have you ever backed down from fighting? You don’t know the meaning of giving up. You’ve never cared about whether someone’s better than you. I knew a shooting guard once, just like you, and he had the potential to be the greatest in the world. He was held back because he cared that he was worse than others. But you? You never blinked at it, just practised and practised until you could do the impossible.”

His words are getting louder with pride; he’s unable to keep it steady with the outpouring of emotion in his speech.

“Tell me, who can master Ray Allen’s form in one and a half years? Who can be such a rookie at basketball, yet be able to fight an Uncrowned King and respond to a shot that has left all its previous victims unable to move?!” Izuki leans forward and jabs a finger into Koganei’s chest demandingly. “Tell me, who the hell was that?!”

“Me,” Koga whispers timidly, looking down.

ahhhh yay for more platonic comfort and bonding. *izuki voice* yelling is the way to get ur team to get their shit tgt

chapter 15: born to soar

Izuki finds himself moving, barely thinking as he grabs the ball and bawls for an attack. He’s running faster than he ever has, flying up the court like there are wings on his legs. No one follows at his pace - they’re all too far behind.

No one but Kiyoshi.

The rhythm beats louder than ever, a heavy pulse in Izuki’s head and heart. He can feel Akashi on his heels and knows he needs to do something.

One second left—

Izuki’s hands move on their own, passing the ball to the one person he knows that he will always find.

Kiyoshi catches it and jumps.

Fortyfivethirtyfivetwentyfivefifteen—

The ball leaves his hands.

Fivezero—

The whistle blows to end the game. Kiyoshi’s shot hits the backboard and drops straight into the basket. Time stops as a shrill sound screeches into the air and the ref shouts, “124 to 123, Seirin High wins the Winter Cup!”

there we go. the most heartwrenching scene of this chapter ahhhhh

chapter 16: final flight

“We should go. Don’t want to keep them waiting too long,” Kiyoshi says, staring daggers at Hyūga, who to his credit doesn’t flinch but merely stares back.

“Let’s go, then,” Izuki agrees. He looks straight at Hyūga and allows a small, formal smile to play on his lips. Hyūga just nods, accepting the answer.

Izuki nods back, then turns around and starts walking away. But even as he moves toward the exit, something weighs heavily in his tired chest. For the first time in a long time, he isn’t confident in his decision.

Acting on impulse, he turns on his heel and yells out, “Call sometime, maybe!” before walking backwards out the door that Kiyoshi holds for him.

It’s an open-ended suggestion. Hyūga can choose to wallow and ignore it, or he can choose to pick up the phone. Izuki isn’t going to do so either way - he’ll be happy if Hyūga makes that call, but he won’t be terribly sad if he doesn't.

This time, he’s going to be the one that walks forward without looking back.

ahhh okay so this scene means a hella lot to me personally because... i had to grow, the way izuki grew. izuki’s now strong enough to sort of put the olive branch out and say, “take it or leave it,” and if it’s left he’s not gonna be upset. that’s something i really learned with a lot of difficulty and i think that that growth - in both me and him - is a lovely thing.

and there we have it! my favorite moments from each chapter of this story. *cries in a corner* god i can’t believe it’s over...

THANK YOU FOR THE JOURNEY!

#knb #izuki #eagles were born to soar #izuday #ceru writes

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ohlayarfp · 3 years

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Film Review - Misteri Dilaila by Syafiq Yusof

Misteri Dilaila is a Malaysian horror thriller film that went viral in 2019. I rarely watch Malaysian films because when i do, it’s usually the same plot all over again. Drama, romance, action, comedy and everyone’s favourite, Horror. I feel like these genres are the usuals everywhere but what makes it unbearable for most of us Malaysians is how similar every story is. Rich boy meets a poor girl. Rich boy falls in love with her and when they get married the mother hates the poor girl. They fight and one day someone dies and the end. For horror, it’s just about some people getting haunted by a ghost that was sent by a close friend of theirs.

The thing I understand about the horror hype for Malaysians is how our culture is deeply rooted with mystical beliefs and as religious as we tend to be, ghost stories seem to intertwine with our faith for countless years. Personally, I believe in Asian ghosts more than the western versions. This is probably due to my own family having our fair share of sights into the world of the undead.

The reason why I chose to talk about this film is because of how disappointed I felt when I watched it. Unlike most Malaysian films, it had the potential to be a great one. The look of the film was far better than the usual ones we got and the story building had a Gone Girl vibe. What made me disappointed was the fact that while watching that film I was hopeful and excited thinking finally a Malaysian Filmmaker is making a psychological horror instead of those in your face jump scares.

The story is about a married couple, Jefri and Dilaila, who were spending their holiday together at a luxury vacation home in Fraser’s Hill. After a petty issue where they end up quarrelling at each other, Jefri discovers his wife went missing the following morning. Next thing he knows, a mysterious woman who also goes by the name of Dilaila shows up one night where she claims to be his wife. Adding more confusion is the supernatural occurrences that regularly haunts Jefri whenever he’s alone in the house.

Throughout the whole film, I was at the edge of my seat thinking that there’s finally a malaysian filmmaker that is about to introduce a character with a mental illness as the protagonist which would’ve justified his hallucinations of the ghost. Unfortunately, it was just like other films where there’s no actual context to the sightings, they were just ghosts being ghosts and haunting him for no reason. Well that’s for the 2nd version of the film.

Another fun fact about this film is that it went viral due to the alternate endings it has. When the film came out in the cinemas, people were surprised to hear that they had different endings when they discussed it with their friends. This was purely the filmmaker and his team’s intention. Different halls have different endings and this was meant to be a surprise for the audiences. It was a great marketing strategy and considered as a genius way of thinking for some people while some were mad that they were being ripped off.

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

As a person that watched both versions, I was unsatisfied with both versions as both endings angered me. Nevertheless, I didn’t think it’s an absolute flop though. Both versions have the fair share of plot twists. The first version revealed that the protagonist we thought all along was the actual antagonist. He was the one that killed his own wife whilst every supporting character was a part of the police team that were acting to make him confess to his wrong doings. It was then stated that the hallucinations he got was a result of his guilt and him being under the influence of drugs all along.

The second version on the other hand is more mystical. The ghosts made more appearances in this version. The protagonist is still the good guy but the inspector that was involved in the case turned out to be a fake policeman and he was working with the imposter Dilaila. Towards the end, Jef found out that his wife has been dead a long time ago and the ‘wife’ he was holding turns out to be something else (this we never see on screen though).

Personally if i were to choose an ending, I would choose the 1st version as it makes more sense logically but I can understand why people love the 2nd Version. Malaysians and their thirst for horror films explains the statistics. But a famous film reviewer on YouTube (ZhafVlogs) once made an instagram poll and asked his subscribers to choose between the two versions and surprisingly it was a tie. This proves that the director made the right decision to come up with alternate endings.

*END OF SPOILERS*

The film then landed in a controversy within the next few weeks after the premiere. Someone noticed that the story was awfully familiar. It was then proven that the story was 90% similar to a few films from India, America, Russia and more. People were comparing it to a film called “Vanishing Act” and they were right.

As a film student, I am aware about the concept of adaptation so I personally see no wrong in the filmmaker’s act. However, I can understand why people are mad. The filmmaker went silent once news got out about him “stealing” the idea and “claiming” the story as his. But based on my research, I never found him claiming the story as his before. Although, he also never mentioned about him making a remake of the initial film as well. The filmmaker went silent for a long time and people kept sending him hate comments but soon died after a few months.

A year later, the issue was raised yet again by someone and this caused the filmmaker to finally speak up. He explains the concept of adaptation and how he was inspired by a scriptwriting book called Save The Cat which said that “A good artist copy, but a great artist steals”. He also states about there being so many films abroad that have the similar concept to an older film such as Fast and Furious with Point Break, Avatar with Pocahontas and Inception with Paprika. He finally came clean and stated that he was inspired by a stage play from France called “A Trap for a Lonely Man”. He then added his own twist by adding some horror elements knowing that it being the target audience favourite genre.

Also regarding the quote from Save The Cat, (in my opinion) I feel like what the author was implying is about ‘stealing’ stories from life. Not stealing the exact plot codes from other films. This is based on my understanding from the phrase which I assume Syafiq may have misinterpreted it.

He raised logical points from a filmmaker’s perspective and he also raised some issues about being pressured from his father (Yusof Haslam) and brother (Syamsul Yusof) who were well known filmmakers as well. He said that everyone kept on telling him to be better than his father and brother. Sadly, when he was at his lowest, even his family turned their backs on him and said that it’s fully his fault.

From my point of view, I was initially furious with him for not being able to defend himself by explaining about the adaptation because I feel like most Malaysian audiences are unaware about it. People assume adaptation is from book to film when it's more than that. I, myself, learnt that from film school. And I’m not entirely defending him as well, I’m still disappointed in him for not speaking up sooner. But I do empathise with him as well. The audience were quick to attack him. The film industry in Malaysia is not entirely in the best state for these past few years. So a film like Misteri Dilaila made everyone hopeful for more quality films like it only to be betrayed at the end when they found out that it wasn’t his own creative idea and a total rip off. I still feel like he did a good job with his visuals which was an improvement from the local films around that time.

Reading through the whole issue and looking at how this decision to “copy” the plot codes as he was inspired from the Save The Cat book has opened my eyes. As a filmmaker, I feel like i should always do research before starting on a project and the best thing is to always be honest with our intentions. If it’s inspired by a remake, then set it straight and give credit to the original piece. Don’t keep it to yourself. It is terrifying though, being in his state where everyone turned their backs on him, even his own family. He released a few films after that, saying that film is his job and that it is his source of income so as much as it may seem hard sometimes, life still goes on. Sadly, he received a lot of backlash and people lost their faith in him. People were being sarcastic and teasing him if the film was even his.Seeing that happened to him opened my eyes. People may let it slide but they’ll never forget. Once you screw up, people will remember and use it against you.

Pictures of the set:

Links to Film Reviews:

A Non-Horror Fan's Guide To Watching 'Misteri Dilaila'

https://rojakdaily.com/entertainment/article/6414/a-non-horror-fan-s-guide-to-watching-misteri-dilaila

Misteri Dilaila (2019) Review

https://www.caseymoviemania.com/2019/02/misteri-dilaila-2019-review/

Movie review: Misteri Dilaila

https://www.thesundaily.my/style-life/reviews/movie-review-misteri-dilaila-DJ649603

Link to news about the controversy :

Is Local Horror Film ‘Misteri Dilaila’ a Rip Off? Here’s What The Director Had To Say..

https://juiceonline.com/is-local-horror-film-misteri-dilaila-a-rip-off-heres-what-the-director-had-to-say/

Horror fans slam ‘Misteri Dilaila’ for ripping off Hollywood film ‘Vanishing Act’

https://www.malaymail.com/news/showbiz/2019/03/05/horror-fans-slam-misteri-dilaila-for-ripping-off-hollywood-film-vanishing-a/1729154

Clarification/Statement by the Director about the issue (in Malay);

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=649749852534594&set=pcb.649750949201151

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first-batter-hatagami · 3 years

Text

Did Utsumi’s test.

Primary Type Wiring

Starring Roles

Loyal Skeptic, Trooper, Trouble Shooter, Defender, Guardian, Questioner, Devil's Advocate

TrueType Wiring

6-3-1

Personality Type

The Taskmaster

Instinctual Wiring

Self-Preserving

Instinctual Stack

Self-Preserving, Intimate, Social

Worldview of Type 6

Overview

You are a conscientious, loyal, and dependable person who strives for certainty and security in a world that can be unsafe and unpredictable. You are cautious and have a knack for knowing who can be trusted. You seek reliable authorities, trusted friends, credible systems of reference, and valued traditions.

Friendly and playful, you enjoy camaraderie and working for a noble cause. While reluctant to commit to bad situations and afraid of getting in trouble with others, you can often lighten stressful situations with your playful and self-deprecating humor.

You might manage your fears or doubts by focusing on what could go wrong and being cautious, or you might deny your fears and courageously take risks to handle situations. When you feel prepared, you can be very effective in crisis. Your keys to growth include distinguishing the difference between your genuine awareness and your projected fears or doubts, and trusting your own inner authority and guidance in the present moment.

What You are Great At

Identify potential hazards and either avoid them or face them head on.

Being dedicated, loyal and committed to friends, family and allies.

Troubleshooting, strategizing, and problem solving.

Anticipating potential problems, taking calculated risks.

Being giving and supportive in committed relationships.

Taking protective action for a better future.

Being analytical, planning thoroughly, prepared for worst case scenarios.

Being thoughtful and careful before taking action.

Mobilizing and supporting others during crisis.

Carrying out the directives of and being devoted to trusted leaders.

Working hard for the team without needing recognition or reward.

Supporting underdog causes and fighting for the underserved.

Core Wiring

You want to be safe, secure, fit in, and belong; but most importantly, you want to have certainty, a trusted friend, or a known system to put your faith in. You are the true devil's advocate and can always see both sides of every issue. You may struggle with feelings of fear, doubt, and/or anxiety, and risk undermining or blaming others to protect yourself.

You may manage your fear by focusing on what could go wrong and by avoiding perceived hazards. Alternatively, you may face your fears and take calculated risks to prove that you are not afraid. Secretly, you still prepare.

You feel that the world is a dangerous place. Most people have hidden agendas, so you must focus on security, loyalty, and trustworthiness. At your best, you are courageous, supportive, engaging, dedicated and loyal.

What Drives You

Driven by an underlying fear of what is perceived to be a dangerous or hostile world, you are motivated to find or create safe and supportive means and/or relationships to protect against external threats. You want to be clear about your situation, feel supported by others, and have certainty and reassurance about the future.

Inner World of Type 6

Core Fears

Your core fears are of being blamed and punished for something you didn’t do, and being misled or unsafe in a dangerous world. This may be expressed as either fearing authority and becoming passive-aggressive or challenging authority and becoming provocative and aggressive.

You may have a fear of being alone, unsupported and/or unprotected as well as a fear of success because successful people are often targeted by others. You may also have a fear of fear -- thinking that if you are afraid, you might become paralysed and cowardly- unprepared and unable to defend yourself and others when needed.

Core Desires

To be safe, secure, certain, protected, and supported, as well as to have clear structures and a sense of belonging so you can take calculated risks and contribute to a noble cause.

Core Needs

You need predictability, a protective authority, and the security of feeling like you belong. You long for trustworthy guidance to manage your feelings of fear and doubt.

You're a "proof junkie" who tests people, ideas, and beliefs numerous times to see if they merit your loyalty. You tend to need reassurance, encouragement, and positive feedback from friends and loved ones.

Core Beliefs

The world is chaotic, unpredictable and easily-angered. It's best to stay alert, be vigilant, and prepare for all worst-case scenarios. I must seek trustworthy guidance from experts to keep my world safe and predictable.

Likes

Clear structures and guidelines.

Rules and regulations.

Rehearsing to feel confident.

Preparation and predictability.

Security and certainty.

Loyalty and commitment.

Heroic gestures and noble causes.

Supportive relationships and environments.

Trustworthy authorities, friends and coworkers.

Plan B and preparing for worst case scenarios.

Tension and conflict.

Openness and honesty.

Dislikes

Being blamed for something you did not do.

False compliments or hidden agendas.

An uncertain future.

Anger and uncertainty.

Unjust authorities.

Show boats and those that are insincere.

Dangerous situations out of your control.

Unpredictability and feeling caught off guard.

Others that do not follow the rules.

Inconsistencies, suspicious behaviors.

Being mislead.

“Us against them” scenarios.

Outer World of Type 6

Strategies

You scan for problems and inconsistencies to prepare for all worst-case scenarios. You doubt and question, seeking reassurance and guidance from trustworthy sources. You are hypervigilant, thinking and analyzing instead of acting.

Impact of Strategies

Having conducted a sweeping analysis of the environment for threats, you feel you have enough confidence, information, support, and trustworthy guidance to feel safe, certain and secure.

What's Great About You

You are warm, friendly, curious, loyal, dutiful, committed, and dedicated. You are a faithful and dependable friend, co-worker, and family member. When necessary, you are brave and courageous.

Attention goes to...

Your attention goes to feelings of fear, doubt and scanning the environment for danger and hidden motives or agendas. You have a tendency to focus on the worst-case scenario.

Your fears and doubts can keep you from taking action and/or trusting yourself and others. You may at times be overly phobic and at other times overly counter-phobic.

Operating System of Type 6

At Your Best

You are a trustworthy, responsible, hard-working and committed person who focuses on what is needed in any given situation. You are especially courageous in the midst of crisis. You readily pick up on signals of potential threat or danger, anticipate problems, and prepare for action.

In order to work toward best-case scenarios, you imagine worst cases and prepare for them. You are especially adept at spotting hidden agendas, pitfalls and facades. You enjoy working with people you trust, and are especially committed to family, friends, coworkers and worthy causes.

You identify with underdogs and work tirelessly to support them. You’re a natural troubleshooter and team player that is adept at predicting, analyzing and solving problems. This aligns well with team competencies of mutual accountability, authentic and open communication, trust, collaboration and support.

Under Stress

When doubt and insecurity are running the show, they can generate the very situations they are meant to overcome. Focusing on worst case scenarios can sometimes make them more likely to happen and indulging in anxiety is sure to make you more anxious-- because it’s presence makes you think there must be something worrisome “out there” to cause it. As pressure builds, feelings of self-defeat can mount, leading to defensiveness and a sense that people are against you.

Fearing that others will be unfair or blame you, you might become unfair or blame them “in return”. If you are a cautious person you might blame others in a passive-aggressive way, such as raising doubts about their character.

If you are an assertive person you might become aggressive and challenging. Either response can alienate supporters and trigger your core fears of being blamed, physically abandoned, unprotected and unsupported in a world that feels threatening. Worst of all, incessant fearful thoughts make the longed-for sense of certainty, strength, and safety seem ever more elusive.

What Holds You Back

Remaining fiercely loyal when people don’t warrant your trust. Being preoccupied by worst-case scenarios, being hyper-vigilant. Hesitating or not taking action out of fear.

Doubting oneself and being suspicious of others’ hidden agendas. Constantly questioning, leading to uncertainty rather than answers. Avoiding feeling badly about yourself by unconsciously projecting “badness” on to others, seeing them as wrong or threatening.

Imagining that you are being targeted or victimized. Feeling helpless; that the power to affect your life is with others. Challenging / not accepting / trusting authority / being provocative.

Sabotaging your own success due to fear of being blamed / exposed.

Becoming dependent on others.

Feeling overly responsible for others.Coping Strategy

To feel safe and secure you avoid any form of deviance from the standards to which you subscribe. You manage feelings of fear and/or anxiety in a number of ways. You often cope by being overly analytical and hyper-vigilant, scanning for any threat or inconsistency in the position, situation or relationship, and having some sort of protector or like-minded group (believing there is safety in numbers in an “us-against-them” scenario).

In the face of danger or threat, you may avoid taking any action at all, and/ or engage in risk-taking behaviors -- both of which create a false sense of security. If you have a cautious personality, you probably do everything you can to prepare for the future by being dutiful, obedient, careful, and dependable and aligning with a trusted authority in order to feel safe and secure.

On the other hand, if you have an assertive personality, you plan and prepare for the future as well, but you are more likely to become rebellious, challenge unjust authorities and situations, and impulsively take protective action in order to feel safe.

Defense Strategy

Projecting your fear and negativity onto others, ruminating about your doubts, and being evasive are your primary defense mechanisms. You may also defend against fear by making people or things “all good” or “all bad”, or simply worrying about it. The fear of being blamed or endangered is so overwhelming that you have a tendency to not be clear or to obfuscate things so that you will have an exit strategy if needed.

At the same time, you demand clarity and reassurance from others in order to feel secure. When you feel fear, you scan the environment to find the source of your distress and can unwittingly project negative intent onto others and then feel helpless and defenseless until you reclaim your power with the support of a trusted ally or a defensive action. You may also project that an imagined fear will happen, spin out negative scenarios, and stay in a state of anxiety or panic about it.

This can ironically feel self-soothing because it feels like you are monitoring and managing potential problems when you vigilantly think about them. All of these defense mechanisms can keep you from taking responsibility for your feelings and taking necessary action.

Hot Buttons & Triggers

Others’ behaviors or actions that seem to lack integrity.

Being pressured or rushed to act when important things are at stake.

Not knowing what is going on or underdogs being hurt or oppressed.

People not being committed or responsible to the team or cause.

People breaking their word or being unreliable.

Any perceived threat in the environment that can signal danger.

Feeling betrayed or “turned against” by a trusted ally.

When facts are omitted/fabricated or people make exaggerated claims.

People not following the rules established by the leader or team.

Being caught off guard or surprised by seemingly preventable problems.

When authorities seem unfair or dangerous.

Being forced to make decisions without proper preparation or thought.

Blind Spots

Disowning parts of yourself may lead to blind spots, including not recognizing your own power, strength, courage, authority and capacity to solve problems. You can also over-rely on thinking and not trust your own gut feelings. It may be very hard for you to see when a perceived threat is not outside, but only an inner state of fear - especially when it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Your doubt about self and others has the effect of sabotaging yourself and undermining others. You may also need to see the ways you may unfairly project blame onto others or undermine them by raising doubts about them. You may not see how you adjust your behavior and become submissive or aggressive depending on the situation at hand.

Mistaken Beliefs / Trap

It is a cognitive mistake to believe that by focusing on vulnerability, obfuscating or avoiding decisions, you are less likely to experience blame, or by over focusing on challenges you are stronger and more prepared. Thus your biggest trap is to be stuck in a cycle of doubt leading to endless overreactivity, feelings of doubt and worry, preparation, and/or seeking constant reassurance, believing it will make you safe, when it only perpetuates more doubt, fear and mistrust.

Since you almost always worry about things, and the majority of the time, things end up working out fine, you develop a superstition about the power of your worrying - you believe that it actually helps to prevent bad things from happening. Worrying about worst case scenarios feels like “doing something” proactive and seems to help keep things safe, when in fact, it is just causes you more stress. In reality, true protection and certainty comes from an inner trusting one’s inner guidance.

Growth Journey of Type 6

Transformation Journey

Your transformation journey involves: 1. Realizing that overthinking, second-guessing and analyzing what can go wrong doesn't actually change anything and that you must take steady, appropriate action to actually change your situation. 2. Trusting the natural intelligence of the universe. 3. Recognizing that all the guidance and authority you need is already inside of you.

Under Stress

An Average Day

As you see your fears aren’t protective but rather the actual source of insecurity, your attention is less drawn to self-protection. More energy is freed up to dedicate yourself and use your gifts for worthy and fulfilling causes. Your natural desires and abilities to establish deep, committed, lasting relationships and build supportive community flourish.

Your innate tendencies to anticipate obstacles and potential issues become strengths to problem-solve effectively in all areas of your life. Others respond to being cared for and nurtured, feeling they can rely on and trust you. Your confidence grows. Mistrust becomes self-trust, you feel stronger, and others believe deeply in you.

In The Zone

Grounded in self-trust and inner strength, your need to look externally for protection and safety drops away completely. Coping through anticipatory fear is clearly seen to be its own self-fulfilling prophecy and no longer drives you. The power of self-responsibility and inner authority emerges.

Others become increasingly inspired by your integrity, conscientiousness, compassion, and deep care. They now also see the immense inner power that radiates from your core sense of being secure in yourself.

People dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to you and your life work because they inherently trust your intentions. You are a true refuge for others. Deep confidence, security, and wellbeing flow from your core and others respond with love and reverence.

Keys to Growth

Develop inner guidance and wisdom rather than looking for security or answers outside of yourself (in systems, rules, surveys, people or authorities).

Realize that what you need is already available within you. You actually don’t need safety or protection from without.

Notice that when you feel sure of your thoughts and decisions, you have no trouble taking right action. You don’t hesitate at all when duty calls or crisis is upon you.

Focus on and intentionally imagine positive outcomes to balance worst-case scenarios.

Stay in contact with others when afraid and/or wanting to withdraw.

Connect with your own strength and power and develop courage by trusting yourself.

Examine your fears objectively and feel the energy itself as just passing waves – they have no power over you.

Recognize when your anxiety is projected outward and reign it back in to look at your desire to control fear with negative thinking.

Use your astute observation and attention skills to look deeply into your own inner dynamics of insecurity and fear and how you avoid making a decision.

Watch for fear of praise and recognition and examine the tendency to self-sabotage your own successes for fear of being a target.

Stay grounded in yourself and in your own being when anxiety gnaws at you to take protective action.

Learn to consider your options before making commitments. Learn to say “no” instead of just not doing something or making excuses and letting others down.

Type 6 In the Workplace

Working with Others

In a supportive environment, you reliably and dependably work hard, build teams, forge alliances and move mountains. You are especially motivated to work hard for worthy causes and underdogs. You can be incredibly focused, attentive to details, and aware of potential pitfalls in strategies and plans.

Your devotion to a trusted leader and to your team carries you through many challenges and trials. You may at times be seen as inconsistent and unpredictable when you are overly cautious and indecisive one moment and rebellious and impulsive the next. Your ability to see and desire to point out what can go wrong may seem like disruptive naysaying and may cause others to see you as not being “on board” or not being a team player- especially with anything new or with minor changes.

Ideal Environment

You work best when you have a team you can support and feel supported by; you will work diligently when you are inspired by the collective effort. You also work well when expectations are clear and lines of authority and responsibilities are fairly distributed.

In the ideal work environment, your concerns are appreciated and acknowledged and problems are dealt with directly when they arise. You feel most confident in a friendly and collegial work environment where issues can be closely examined to prepare for pitfalls.

Typical Challenges

You work less effectively in a work environment when plans change rapidly, unpredictably and without notice because you don’t like feeling caught off guard and unprepared for change. You don’t work well when alliances are unclear. You may also have trouble when you feel pressured to make decisions without careful analysis or when you don’t have certainty.

It can be difficult for you when your loyalties with different people become conflicted, or you lose faith or trust in family members, coworkers, leaders or authorities. Your fears and concerns may cause you to have a pattern of making mountains out of mole hills.

This catastrophizing pattern can cause others to stop listening or to take your concerns less seriously over time. You may consciously or unconsciously sabotage your own success in order not to draw attention from others, possibly shying away from leadership positions.

Taking Guidance

You actively seek out strong protective figures as well as systems and resources that can be trusted to provide guidance and protection. You have a push/pull relationship with authority. On the one hand, you want to follow a trustworthy leader or commit to a secure belief system or situation.

On the other hand, you may really doubt whether anyone can really be fully trusted and relied upon. You may at times, push for what you believe in, even to the point of being oppositional or quarrelsome, only to have to backpedal when a strong other points out that it is a weak position.

You may also have problems following through-- due to fear of others criticizing or being unsupportive of your work. You want to do well for your team and leader but fear can block this intention.

Leadership Style

As a leader, you inspire others to work hard by your own example. You can make great sacrifices of time, energy and resources to support others. Anticipating potential obstacles and problems enables you to develop excellent strategies and careful plans that others can execute.

You have a genuine desire to lead others, particularly in good causes, but hierarchy and authority are sometimes conflicted for you. You may attract others who are loyal, trustworthy, and faithful but lack important work competencies. You might not hire strong personalities because you are uncomfortable with their forthright nature but this can cause you to miss important perspectives that could add a key element to your success.

Famous 6s

Famous People with Your Type

Phobic: Jason Alexander, Woody Allen, Alan Arkin, Kim Basinger, Candice Bergen, Albert Brooks, George Bush, Lynda Carter, Rodney Dangerfield, Ellen DeGeneres, Sally Field, Ed Harris, Jack Lemmon, Richard Lewis, Penny Marshall, Marilyn Monroe, Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, Richard Nixon Anthony Perkins, Sydney Pollack, Paul Reiser Rene Russo, Kristin Scott-Thomas, Carly Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Stewart, Meg Tilly, Brian Wilson. Counterphobic: Eminem, Adolf Hitler, Warren Beatty, Spike Lee, David Letterman, Judy Davis, Carrie Fisher, Mel Gibson, Andrew Grove, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, J. Edgar Hoover, Tommy Lee Jones, Wynonna Judd, J. Krishnamurti, Gordon Liddy, Charles Manson, Steve McQueen, Michael Moore, Paul Newman, Chuck Norris, Rosie Perez, Richard Pryor, Robert Redford, Janet Reno, Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Steven Seagal, Ben Stiller, Patrick Swayze, Justin Timberlake, Ted Turner.

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alexisluthor · 4 years

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A view of Prodigal Son through my lens of mental health

Prodigal Son is a fantastic show. One of the reasons I got so drawn into it is because I can relate to Malcolm. I have PTSD, night terrors, panic attacks...in short - trauma.

Malcolm’s trauma, and how he deals with it, plays a significant role in the show and the writer’s have done a great job exploring this, but there’s always room to explore further.

For as much as I have in common with the character of Malcolm, I have just as many differences. I’m not pretty, I’m not rich, I don’t have medication that works for me, and my father’s not a serial killer. I’m average on a good day, totally broke, allergic to the majority of SSRI’s and my dad’s a geologist. Writing all of that down I realize that only the last point works in my favor.

My own personal drabbles aside, there’s a lot I’ve experienced that I’m sure the show could explore as well.

For one, finding the right medication can be a slow, terrifying and tedious process. There can be side effects...withdrawals like ‘brain zaps,’ when you’re going off one and getting on another. It can be quite rough. There’s maintenance medication, and emergency medication like Xanax. Malcolm said that he’s wildly dependent on Benzos, but we’ve never seen him take an emergency medication I don’t think.

Still, he has his medication and his routine, which is good. Maybe he’s got all that figured out already. I don’t really know what that’s like - to have that all figured out. I’ve tried. I’ve been prescribed (what feels like) nearly everything and have had a whole host of terrible side effects - one of which (rather ironically) is anxiety. My body simply can’t break down anxiety medication, the drugs building up in my system until side effects become inevitable. That’s just my own weirdness though.

Another thing that works out pretty well for Malcolm is how others, namely his team, treats him. They know that he’s ‘different,’ but they accept him. In real life...well...in my experience...it’s not like that really.

What it *is* like is people judging you or trying to help you or blowing you off entirely. I personally devote a massive amount of time and energy attempting to ‘come off’ as normal. I do things that scare me to death - things I wouldn’t normally do - just to prove my normalcy. But I’m not normal.

I bend over backwards to make concessions for other people, but (aside from a few family members) no one does the same for me. They don’t do it because they don’t understand. And if I try to explain my aversion to certain things...if I try to explain my anxiety to someone who has never dealt with it themselves (or know someone who has) it’s nearly impossible to explain. It’s like trying to describe colors to someone who’s colorblind.

There’s this inherent loneliness, this clawing desire to be known and understood that goes unmet, and this massive fear that no one out there cares or understands.

You try to explain things in such a way that people will understand.

To demonstrate the disheartening result of me trying to open up to people, these are the kinds of things I hear from people in response to my trying to explain. “Why don’t you just get over it?” “You should put yourself out there more.” “Well I never had a problem with XYZ, why do you?” “Being anxious means you’re not being strong enough in your faith.” “Have you tried essential oils?” Have you tried yoga?” “You should go Keto.” “It sounds like you need to work on XYZ…” “Why do you have PTSD? You were never in a war.”

Eventually, you just stop putting yourself out there. You stop trying to make friends. You stop trying to date. Because the experiences you have - the truly bad ones - are so crushing, discouraging and heart wrenching.

I’ve had bosses pick on me for being anxious. I’ve had some ask me to do things that really made my anxiety quite bad - and I did them anyway, rather than trying to explain. I’ve had terrible coworkers, and awful people who I thought were my friends, who turned out not to be.

And Malcolm’s team is just...there for him...supporting him. And it’s wonderful. But it would also be wonderful to see him interact with someone who really doesn’t get it. Because that happens quite a lot.

Switching gears, I’ve also had some different experiences when it came to therapists - if I could afford them. I had a good one, but she went to work at a hospital. She left, and she was the only therapist I had ever connected with. I tried to see one before her, but we didn’t connect at all and it left me wondering if therapy was even an option for me. Then I found her and it was a good option. It worked out nicely. Then she left. And I’ve struggled with my anxiety now more than ever...but I don’t have her...so I’m trying someone new.

And each time you start with a therapist, it’s like starting at zero. Recalling all of your trauma with them...wondering if they can help or not. One lady I saw, who was very much the wrong fit, told me that I couldn’t have a kid on my own. That it wasn’t right if I didn’t have a husband. Needless to say - that didn’t work out.

And you do try everything. You try the tapping method thing and the brain spotting thing. You try traditional therapy and so many other things because, more than anything, you want to be normal. People say normal is overrated, but it isn’t. It’s a golden, beautiful thing that feels so out of reach - so unattainable sometimes.

And you’re not sure when it happened, but you’ve somehow got this label. This necklace that says, “broken,” that’s chained around your neck. And you carry it, believing that you are inherently defective - the belief seeping into other areas of your life like a poison.

You try to cope, but that’s not always possible. Malcolm copes through his job, but that can be extremely dangerous, as I found out when I no longer had a job. You have to be able to stand on your own...without putting your chips into anything that you have the potential to lose. A job. A relationship. A certain home. A particular friend.

What would happen if Malcolm no longer had his job? Or like...during this quarantine, for example...he wasn’t able to do it?

I think Malcolm said it best when he said that he’s a mess, but he’s a functioning mess. Right now, I can’t make that same claim. There are peaks and valleys of dealing with anxiety on this level. There are moments - years - where I did wonderfully. And then there are moments like this - years - where I’m at the very lowest point possible.

It’s a rollercoaster ride that you can’t get off. There are moments of progress and major setbacks.

I realize that the show’s main focus isn’t Malcolm’s mental state - although it probably could be - but I think that there is more room for the show to delve into this ongoing battle more.

I’m terrible at transitions at 12:37 am so I’ll just go on in saying that there’s another thing I, personally struggle with. My Dad has cancer. Terminal. And I often feel guilt. Guilt for not spending enough time with him or guilt because I don’t get along with him. We’re quite different people and he - in no way, shape, or form understands what my anxiety/PTSD is. Some of the most hurtful things ever said to me, were said by him. And it creates this dichotomy. On one hand, I love him - and on the other, he’s hurt me beyond measure.

I think Malcolm feels this same dichotomy, only in a different way. His father’s a monster. He wants to hate him - part of him does. But part of him also loves him. There's guilt there. It’s the same type of guilt that I have, although it’s a different flavor - it exists for a different reason.

I’m not really allowed to be mad at my dying father. Malcolm’s not really allowed to love his monster of a father. Etcetera, etcetera. Which I think is a fascinating bit of cognitive dissonance for the show to dissect.

So...that is my very lengthy and probably barely relevant analysis of the show through my mental health lens.

There is such a stigma attached to mental health that I didn’t even want to admit I had a problem until I was eighteen, even though my struggles started a decade prior to that. The stigma is so difficult to get past. The questions you get asked are so intolerable and invasive at times. The progress forward can be so slow and painful. Still I try my best. And I realize this is just a show, but it’s a show that means a lot to me for obvious reasons.

There are those massive differences between real-life-me and TV character, Malcolm Bright.

Malcolm is beautiful. He’s wonderfully dressed and comes from money. He had enough money to attend one of the best Ivy League colleges and attain an amazing degree. He doesn’t have to worry about paying for meds or his therapist. He has meds that work for him. He has a fulfilling job that piques his interest and pays him enough to live off of. He has coworkers and a mother and a mentor who are there for him in a non-judgmental way. He is not the norm - but the exception. And it works for the show.

I just hope that people know that having these issues is not thrilling or sexy. It doesn’t make me a more interesting person. And oftentimes, people who do suffer from these issues don’t have half the support or care that this character does.

I hope that this show succeeds in getting the conversation about mental health started. I hope that the stigma around mental health begins to wane. And someday, I hope that mental healthcare will be available to everyone - no matter their social class or income.

There’s a lot that this show can explore with Malcolm and his mental health journey and I hope that we get a season two so that it can.

#prodigal son #long post #PTSD #anxiety #panic attacks #prodigal son analysis #mental health #therapy #malcolm bright #honest #medication #essay #jessica whitly #gil arroyo #martin whitly #fathers #dani powell #pson analysis #very long post

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themclisseconnection · 4 years

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Our Yacht is Sailing!

What's going on??? Over the past two years, the Earth got hotter, the plants grew taller, your pets grew up, someone you know got engaged or got married, some of you graduated from school and started a new job or a new business venture, reached a new milestone and some of you also joined a new fandom. How many books have you read? Did you learn how to cook? Did you transfer to an unfamiliar city or traveled to a different country? Were you able to maximize your talents, skills and productivity? Hopefully, yes. Hopefully, you were able to discover more about yourselves, just like McCoy and Elisse.

A ship on a yacht? Is that even possible? With McLisse, it is. A yacht— not too big, not too small, private and romantic. McLisse likes to keep it that way.

The photo reminds us of an unforgettable chapter in a Wattpad novel. It's like a lovely scene from a romantic movie. At first look, it seems too good to be true but once it sinks in, you'll go from "It's too good be true" to "It's so good and it's so true." Its caption gave us all the feels since McCoy used one of the fandom's most treasured words, ALWAYS. "ALL WAYS" added more depth to it. Joy, peace, warmth and security are written all over their faces. The post conveys an extraordinary feeling of freedom, a sense of contentment and infinite bliss.

The recent events, losses, madness in the government (grrrrr!) and the global pandemic somehow became our wake-up call and encouraged us to be more expressive, thoughtful and proactive. The pandemic also taught us to take a good care of ourselves and our loved ones. We only have one life to live so we should stop all our doubts and fears from getting the best of us. We should let happiness in. Right here, right now.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Mccoy De Leon (@mccoydeleon) on Aug 30, 2020 at 11:12am PDT

instagram

Yes. A good news dropped in the middle of a pandemic. It immediately became a symbol of hope for many of us who are slowly being eaten up by skepticism, animosity and hopelessness. We suddenly have a special reminder that things can get better in time. McCoy didn't just post to give a hint that his heart is at peace. He literally shared his joy to us. Every "finally" we encounter in the comment section stresses that they had been holding it in for the longest time.

The comment section is full of good vibes. Their celebrity friends, co-actors, the staffs they've worked with and the bloggers who consistently root for them couldn't help but express their happiness upon seeing the photo. Anyone could tell that they're genuinely happy for McLisse. The crying emojis, red hearts and words "SA WAKAS" and "FINALLY" definitely made a strong statement.

OUR STORY

It's no secret that McCoy had worked on several movie projects with new love interests and he even started a new business venture while Elisse landed as one of the leads in an afternoon TV series. She also got busy with her business.

McLisseians still expressed their support even in their solo projects. Every one clinged to hope and pride was set aside. We wanted them to feel that we are not just here for "kilig." As McLisseians, we knew that a part of us would always root for them even if they already stopped rooting for us. It was painful to hear them talking about us in past tense but we knew back then that deep down in our hearts, our love for them will always be stronger than our ego as shippers. We couldn't lecture them about love. The heart has a mind of its own. We could only check on them from afar and hope that they would be happy with whomever they'd end up with. It even came to a point where we had to let go and let God.

The super loyal, persistent and ever generous McLisseians continued to see the good in every opportunity. We completely understood that every opportunity they received would help them gain more knowledge and experience. Maturity took over. Each one of us learned to focus on the bright side of life with the vision that their new setup would benefit both of them. They would surely come out as better actors in the industry.

McCoy's post got many people saying "Sana all" but to be honest, McLisseians also had our own "Sana all" moments. We had so many what ifs in our list. McLisse's journey as a love team was quite short compared to others. We had to deal with multiple rejections, cancelled guestings/tours and media play during movie promotions. We got to see them acting with different partners and live with the thought that they aren't each other's first on-screen kiss. HEHE AT LEAST, MAY REAL-LIFE KISS. Ch0ur not ch0ur. Every shipper's dream is to collect many firsts and create more memories with his/her ship. Bittersweet, that's how we call it. McLisse had their own record of life-changing firsts but let's not forget that McLisseians had the privilege (Privilege!? Let's think positive. HAHAHAHA) to experience both reel and real pain earlier than the usual. The unimaginable transition and all the intentional shunning also disheartened us at one point. Sana ganito, sana ganyan. Sana maging okay na sila. Sana po mapagbigyan. It was a never-ending struggle of staying positive in the midst of chaos.

Their love team was slowly dissolved. They broke up and eventually got linked to different people. Right there and then, we knew that we had to know our place as shippers. In our hearts, we firmly believed that we could still make a difference.

McLisseians transformed into prayer warriors who fervently prayed for peace and reconciliation every single day. It was hard to see everything falling apart. We had to endure all the sudden changes, disturbing articles and heartbreaking announcements. We lost both reel and real, we had nothing to hold on to except one another, our faith and our belief that one day, they'll be able to face each other again with a smile.

2020. We started the year full of hope and it's safe to say that McLisseians had been waiting for this moment to come. McCoy kept on saying in his past interviews that they wanted to build a strong foundation first before hinting or confirming anything so we had to go along with it. It came naturally. Our GCs were filled with scoops and rumors. Some people had seen them going out again. We were ecstatic but our first instinct was to protect them. Wag mo ipost!!! Bawal! Ang kulit! Eh pero nasa FB na rin eh!?! Admin oh!!! Hayaan na natin sila, low-key muna tayo. 😂

We used to have petty fights over those things. We prayed a lot for things to get better but we never thought that "better" would mean McCoy and Elisse taking a risk and finally choosing each other again. Honestly, we were okay with them being friends after everything that happened but apparently, they're not okay with that. HAHAHAHAHUHU.

We were infuriated by some nasty articles and insensitive people. The world tested our patience. At times, we would think "McLisse, umamin na nga kayo please. Daming mema, mga kuwento na nakakainis at nakakagigil." It was really disappointing how some people took advantage of their situation. They even assumed that the two didn't reconnect at all. We patiently waited for interviews and other venues where they can freely express themselves. Nacancel TWBA dahil sa lockdown!? May interview? May digital presscon? Sana maghint na sila o magbigay kahit konting clue. McLisseians were hopeful at the very least.

(I had to keep all the excitement to myself. I respected their decision to stay in private so I just waited for a concrete proof/a fearless move from either one of them. And McCoy... Grabe. McCoy's post just blew my mind.)

McLisse is friends with every fandom. It's also nice to see other fandom appreciating our loyalty and our efforts. They would often commend us for sticking with McCoy and Elisse even if they had to part ways as on-screen partners. McLisse's recent update has become every fandom's glimmer of hope.

McCoy and Elisse were apart for quite a while. They went out with other people but eventually found their way back to each other. Love is indeed a verb. It's something that you keep on doing. You show up. You fight. You stay. McCoy and Elisse were able to get to know themselves more. They were able to realize the value of each other more than ever. McLisse will have more days together than the days they spent apart. Maaabot na nilang muli ang kanilang mga pangarap nang magkasama. *sobs*

The future isn't as scary as it seems. Optimism has found its way to us. We just know that we trust McCoy and Elisse so much. All the heartaches in the past inspired all of us to be indestructible. Tough times turned our fandom into one of the toughest fandoms out there. Their CHOICE put back all the pieces together. Mareng Kyla's prophecy was too powerful. Love really led them back to us.

McCoy and Elisse will always have each other. (OMGGGGG. IT'S REALLY TRUE,,, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING THIS LINE,,, /CRIES IN THE CORNER/)

McLisse will always have us. Always... All ways. ♥️

#McLisse #Always All Ways

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arcticdementor · 4 years

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Can you believe ...?

Perhaps no question has been repeated more times in reaction to more events this year than that one.

The most recent major outrage in the Jewish community, now several news cycles behind us, came on the Shabbat before Yom Kippur—the holiest day in the Jewish calendar—when many American Jews seemed dumbfounded by what was to me predictable news: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, progressive superstar, had pulled out of an event honoring Yitzhak Rabin, the Israeli prime minister assassinated because of his efforts to make peace with the Palestinians. Rabin was, as Bill Clinton said at his funeral, “a martyr for his nation’s peace.”

…

But it wasn’t AOC who was mixed up. The savvy politician had read the room and was sending a clear signal about who belongs in the new progressive coalition and who does not. The confusion—and there seems to be a good deal of it these days—is among American Jews who think that by submitting to ever-changing loyalty tests they can somehow maintain the old status quo and their place inside of it.

Did you see that the Ethical Culture Fieldston School hosted a speaker that equated Israelis with Nazis? Did you know that Brearley is now asking families to write a statement demonstrating their commitment to “anti-racism”? Did you see that Chelsea Handler tweeted a clip of Louis Farrakhan? Did you see that protesters tagged a synagogue in Kenosha with “Free Palestine” graffiti? Did you hear about the march in D.C. where they chanted “Israel, we know you, you murder children too”? Did you hear that the Biden campaign apologized to Linda Sarsour after initially disavowing her? Did you see that Twitter suspended Bret Weinstein’s civic organization but still allows the Iranian ayatollah to openly promote genocide of the Jewish people? Did you see that Mayor Bill de Blasio scapegoated “the Jewish community” for the spread of COVID in New York, while defending mass protests on the grounds that this is a “historic moment of change”?

Listen, it’s been a hell of a year. We all have a lot going on, much of it unnerving and some of it dire. Moreover, many of these stories only surface on places like Twitter; they don’t make it into the pages of The New York Times or your friends’ Facebook feeds, which is where most Americans get their news these days. Reporters don’t cover these stories adequately, contextualizing them, telling readers which ones are true and which ones aren’t, which ones matter and which ones don't.

So it makes sense that many smart, well-intentioned people are confused. Or rather: Looking for someone to explain why an emerging movement that purports to advance the ideals they have always supported—fairness, justice, righting historical wrongs—feels like it is doing the opposite.

…

To understand the enormity of the change we are now living through, take a moment to understand America as the overwhelming majority of its Jews believed it was—and perhaps as we always assumed it would be.

It was liberal.

Not liberal in the narrow, partisan sense, but liberal in the most capacious and distinctly American sense of that word: the belief that everyone is equal because everyone is created in the image of God. The belief in the sacredness of the individual over the group or the tribe. The belief that the rule of law—and equality under that law—is the foundation of a free society. The belief that due process and the presumption of innocence are good and that mob violence is bad. The belief that pluralism is a source of our strength; that tolerance is a reason for pride; and that liberty of thought, faith, and speech are the bedrocks of democracy.

The liberal worldview was one that recognized that there were things—indeed, the most important things—in life that were located outside of the realm of politics: friendships, art, music, family, love. This was a world in which Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg could be close friends. Because, as Scalia once said, some things are more important than votes.

Crucially, this liberalism relied on the view that the Enlightenment tools of reason and the scientific method might have been designed by dead white guys, but they belonged to everyone, and they were the best tools for human progress that have ever been devised.

Racism was evil because it contradicted the foundations of this worldview, since it judged people not based on the content of their character, but on the color of their skin. And while America’s founders were guilty of undeniable hypocrisy, their own moral failings did not invalidate their transformational project. The founding documents were not evil to the core but “magnificent,” as Martin Luther King Jr. put it, because they were “a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.” In other words: The founders themselves planted the seeds of slavery’s destruction. And our second founding fathers—abolitionists like Frederick Douglass—made it so. America would never be perfect, but we could always strive toward building a more perfect union.

I didn’t even know that this worldview had a name because it was baked into everything I came into contact with—my parents’ worldviews, the schools they sent me to, the synagogues we attended, the magazines and newspapers we read, and so on.

…

No longer. American liberalism is under siege. There is a new ideology vying to replace it.

No one has yet decided on the name for the force that has come to unseat liberalism. Some say it’s “Social Justice.” The author Rod Dreher has called it “therapeutic totalitarianism.” The writer Wesley Yang refers to it as “the successor ideology”—as in, the successor to liberalism.

…

The new creed’s premise goes something like this: We are in a war in which the forces of justice and progress are arrayed against the forces of backwardness and oppression. And in a war, the normal rules of the game—due process; political compromise; the presumption of innocence; free speech; even reason itself—must be suspended. Indeed, those rules themselves were corrupt to begin with—designed, as they were, by dead white males in order to uphold their own power.

…

Critical race theory says there is no such thing as neutrality, not even in the law, which is why the very notion of colorblindness—the Kingian dream of judging people not based on the color of their skin but by the content of their character—must itself be deemed racist. Racism is no longer about individual discrimination. It is about systems that allow for disparate outcomes among racial groups. If everyone doesn’t finish the race at the same time, then the course must have been flawed and should be dismantled.

…

In fact, any feature of human existence that creates disparity of outcomes must be eradicated: The nuclear family, politeness, even rationality itself can be defined as inherently racist or evidence of white supremacy, as a Smithsonian institution suggested this summer. The KIPP charter schools recently eliminated the phrase “work hard” from its famous motto “Work Hard. Be Nice.” because the idea of working hard “supports the illusion of meritocracy.” Denise Young Smith, one of the first Black people to reach Apple’s executive team, left her job in the wake of asserting that skin color wasn’t the only legitimate marker of diversity—the victim of a “diversity culture” that, as the writer Zaid Jilani has noted, is spreading “across the entire corporate world and is enforced by a highly educated activist class.”

The most powerful exponent of this worldview is Ibram X. Kendi. His book “How to Be an Antiracist” is on the top of every bestseller list; his photograph graces GQ; he is on Time’s most influential people of the year; and his outfit at Boston University was recently awarded $10 million from Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey.

…

And just in case moral suasion is ineffective, Kendi has backup: Use the power of the federal government to make it so. “To fix the original sin of racism,” he wrote in Politico, “Americans should pass an anti-racist amendment to the U.S. Constitution that enshrines two guiding anti-racist principals [sic]: Racial inequity is evidence of racist policy and the different racial groups are equals.” To back up the amendment, he proposes a Department of Anti-Racism. This department would have the power to investigate not just local governments but private businesses and would punish those “who do not voluntarily change their racist policy and ideas.” Imagine how such a department would view a Jewish day school, which suggests that the Jews are God’s chosen people, let alone one that teaches Zionism.

Kendi—who, it should be noted, now holds Elie Wiesel’s old chair at Boston University—believes that “to be antiracist is to see all cultures in their differences as on the same level, as equals.” He writes: “When we see cultural difference we are seeing cultural difference—nothing more, nothing less.” It’s hard to imagine that anyone could believe that cultures that condone honor killings of unchaste young women are “nothing more, nothing less” than culturally different from our own. But whether he believes it or not, it’s obvious that embracing such relativism is a highly effective tool for ascension and seizing power.

It should go without saying that, for Jews, an ideology that contends that there are no meaningful differences between cultures is not simply ridiculous—we have an obviously distinct history, tradition and religion that has been the source of both enormous tragedy as well as boundless gifts—but is also, as history has shown, lethal.

By simply existing as ourselves, Jews undermine the vision of a world without difference. And so the things about us that make us different must be demonized, so that they can be erased or destroyed: Zionism is refashioned as colonialism; government officials justify the murder of innocent Jews in Jersey City; Jewish businesses can be looted because Jews “are the face of capital.” Jews are flattened into “white people,” our living history obliterated, so that someone with a straight face can suggest that the Holocaust was merely “white on white crime.”

This is no longer a fringe view. As the philosopher Peter Boghossian has noted: “This ideology is the dominant moral orthodoxy in our universities, and has seeped out and spread to every facet of American life— publishing houses, tech, arts, theater, newspapers, media,” and, increasingly, corporations. It has not grabbed power by dictates from above, but by seizing the means of sense-making from below.

Over the past few decades and with increasing velocity over the last several years, a determined young cohort has captured nearly all of the institutions that produce American cultural and intellectual life. Rather than the institutions shaping them, they have reshaped the institutions. You don’t need the majority inside an institution to espouse these views. You only need them to remain silent, cowed by a fearless and zealous minority who can smear them as racists if they dare disagree.

It is why California attempted to pass an ethnic studies curriculum whose only mention of Jews was to explain how they, along with Irish immigrants, were invited into whiteness.

It is why those who claim to care about diversity and inclusion don’t seem to care about the deep-seated racism against Asian Americans at schools like Harvard.

It is why a young Jewish woman named Rose Ritch was recently run out of the USC student government. Ms. Ritch stood accused of complicity in racism because, following the Soviet lie, to be a Zionist is to be nothing less than a racist. Her fellow students waged a campaign to hound her out of her position: “Impeach her Zionist ass,” they insisted.

It is why the Democratic Socialists of America, the emerging power center of the Democratic Party in New York, sent a questionnaire to New York City Council candidates that included a pledge not to travel to Israel.

It is why Tamika Mallory, an outspoken fan of Louis Farrakhan, gets the glamour treatment in a photoshoot for Vogue.

And this is why AOC, the standard bearer of America’s new left, didn’t think Yitzhak Rabin was worth the political capital, but goes out of her way, a few days later, to praise the Black Panthers. She is the harbinger of a political reality in which Jews will have little power.

It does not matter how progressive you are, how vegan or how gay, how much you want universal health care and pre-K and to end the drug war. To believe in the justness of the existence of the Jewish state—to believe in Jewish particularism at all—is to make yourself an enemy of this movement.

…

If you’re nearing the end of the essay wondering why this hasn’t been explained to you before, the answer is because, yet again, we find ourselves in another moment in Jewish history at a time of great need and urgency with communal leadership who, with rare exception, will not address the danger.

I understand why people have been blind to this. Life has been good—exceedingly good—for American Jews for half a century. Many older communal leaders seem to lack the moral imagination to see this threat. It’s also hard for anyone to hear the words: They’re just not that into you.

So when I try to discuss this with many Jews in leadership positions, what I face is either boomer-esque entitlement—a sense that the way the world worked for them must be the way it will always work—or outright resistance. Oh please, wokeness isn’t important anywhere but in silly Twitter microclimates. When you explain that no, in fact, this ideology has taken over universities, publishing houses, the media, museums and is now making quick work of corporate America, you hit another roadblock: Isn’t this just righting some historical injustices? What could go wrong? You then have to explain what could go wrong—what is already going wrong—is that it is ruining the lives of regular, good people, and the more institutions and companies fall prey to it, the more lives it will ruin.

…

Last month, I participated in a Zoom event attended by several major Jewish philanthropists. After briefly talking about my experience at The New York Times, I noted that if they wanted to understand what happened to me, they needed to appreciate the power of that new, still-nameless creed that has hijacked the paper and so many other institutions essential to American life. I’ve been thinking about what happened next ever since.

One of the funders on the call launched into me, explaining that Ibram X. Kendi’s work was vital, and portrayed me as retrograde and uncool for opposing the ideology du jour. Because this person is prominent and powerful enough to send signals that others in the Jewish world follow, the comments managed to both sideline me and stun almost everyone else into silence.

These people may be the most enraging: those with the financial security to oppose this ideology and demur, so desperate to be seen as hip; for their children to keep their spots at the right prep schools; so that they can be seated at the right tables at the right benefits; so that they are honored at Brown or Harvard; so that business does well enough that they can renovate their house in Aspen or East Hampton. Desperate to remain in good odor with the right people, they are willing to close their eyes to what is coming for the rest of us.

Young Jews who grasp the scope of this problem and want to fight it thus find themselves up against two fronts: their ideological enemies and their own communal leadership. But it is among this group—people with no social or political capital to hoard, some of them not even out of college—that I find our community’s seers. The dynamic reminds me of the one Theodor Herzl faced: The communal establishment of his time was deeply opposed to his Zionist project. It was the poorer, younger Jews—especially those from Russia—who first saw the necessity of Zionism’s lifesaving vision.

Funders and communal leaders who are falling over themselves to make alliances with fashionable activists and ideas enjoy a decadent indulgence that these young proud Jews cannot afford. They live far from the violence that affects Jews in places like Crown Heights and Borough Park. If things go south in one city, they can take refuge in a second home. It may be cost-free for the wealthy to flirt with an ideology that suggests abolishing the police or the nuclear family or capitalism. But for most Jews and most Americans, losing those ideas comes with a heavy price.

#bari weiss #tablet magazine #anti-semitism #cancel culture

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howtotrainyouragents · 4 years

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Agent H’s AOS Rewatch

S2E10 “What They Become”

I wrote this out during the actual rewatch week, but I didn’t realize I never posted it! Boy, did this get long.

-I had to do a liveblog of this episode because it’s one of my favorites of the season, and we get SKYE’S TRANSFORMATION!

-Okay, so @the fandom who were around back then: at what point did people guess they were doing a terrigenesis/Inhumans storyline? Because I only learned that’s what they were doing via the internet frenzy after the episode was over

Ward, May, Coulson, and HYDRA

-MAY’S. EPIC. FLYING. FUDGE YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH. This is so fucking brilliant of her, dead-dropping the plane and then cloaking.

-”I would put two of these (bullets) in his heads”. Plus, Coulson always looking at the good side: “you saved six agents”. I didn’t do a liveblog of 2x09, but that conversation with Bobbi about acceptable casualties is SO IMPORTANT and vital to who Coulson is and the show overall and you know that’s the moment Bobbi truly supported Coulson.

-Good callback: Before Coulson freaked out that Skye was taken. Now he’s confident that she’ll be able to handle herself until they can get in there.

-”Hand me your side arm, let’s find out”-Skye

-Is Ward’s personality shift (though still a psychopath) this first half of the season because he’s lost without Garrett or because he believes he can be redeemed through helping Skye? Both?

-Yass queen, pick up the diviner

- I loved seeing the bad guys maneuvering around each other in Season 2a, and all of that coming to a head this episode. But I don’t know why Ward and Skye and all attacked and then they just stopped. I think they could have taken the HYDRA goons easily

-“Never turn your back on the enemy.” You know I’m glad Skye shot Ward too. It’s closure on his belief that she can redeem him that’s been carrying him through these last ten episodes.

-I never realized that Agent 33′s voice was distorted

-HYDRA, SHIELD, and the aos writers treated Kara so badly, and I am yelling shame and ringing the bell at all of them.

Hunter and Bobbi

-“If he really is dead, the number of people I trust on this planet, just plummeted.” The Huntingbird hug is so beautiful! How strong Bobbi pretends to be (“Whenever this is all over, I’m gonna cry for like a week”= so real) and how she lets herself go with Hunter. She’s so surprised by the hug at first, and I love how much taller she is than him. He knows about the flashdrive, but he tries to comfort her anyway and that makes me sad and touched.

-”Diego’s early and he’s wearing a suit.”-Bobbi

-The kiss! Ugh, Huntingbird really does fill all the classic OTP tropes

-”Don’t die out there.” “He likes to hear it.” “Who doesn’t like to hear it??”

-”Join SHIELD, travel to excotic distant people, meet exciting unusal people, and kill them” -Hunter

Fitz, Simmons, Tripp, and the Koenigs

-Bahahaha, the Koenigs, His little thumbs up and Hunter rolling his eyes for his life (Hunter would die in the middle of saying something sarcastic, and I will stake my life on that). Also good reuse of the pod units but this time for good (rather than, you know, bottom of the ocean and dying). Sidenote, did we see the pods anytime before Skye gets shot?

-I love Fitzsimmons working together (finally) in the holding cell. I love how the minute they say they’re not gonna work together anymore, they have to work together. Here, they’re so polite but also they’ve got such a natural rhythm. Simmons seems like she wants to talk about them but he’s like oh no, wasn’t talking about myself! Fitz is both back to himself and also gotta new groove (his recovery is going well!). Simmons being genuinely worried for Mack. FITZ’s LOOK OF LOVE

-I only appreciated it on this rewatch, but the show has good continuity of Fitzsimmons/team vs alien tech/bio. They spend majority of season 1 finding 084s and researching their properties and learning how they interact with human biology. Then second season plays off the events of the first season: they’ve seen how many times alien tech/biology is dangerous and they’ve seen it infect and kill so many people. It makes perfect sense why Simmons and the others would be cautious about this alien stuff (Fitz is the loyal one, remembering that this is their friend they’re talking about it and he’s got (blind) faith when it comes to his friends). Season 2 is like introduction to actual aliens (as opposed to relics/artifacts/Asgardians) and how human Inhumans are. Season 3 builds on that further by exploring the good and bad sides of Inhumans.

-I didn’t do a liveblog of the previous episode, but Fitz’s “If you’re looking for vacation time, bribery will get you nowhere. I’ve tried.” is golden. I like the little character traits they give Fitz like, in addition to being a literal genius and all the trauma he’s faced, he’s just a quietly disgruntled SHIELD employee who just wants vacation time and warmer AC (re: season 4)

-Howling Commando gear!!!!!

-Aww, Tripp flirting with Simmons and Fitz is just like…

-The Koenig cloning jokes, hahaha (Poor Tripp)

-First mention of Theta protocol! Dun dun dunnn

-We don’t know what the alien tech is. But Hazmat suits should do the job. :)

-I remember the Fitz splitting off scene being hilarious. Is it because he’s miffed at the flirting, miffed at Simmons, or just genuinely proving that he can do things now?

-Simmons touching Fitz’s arm. And then him holding her later!!!

Cal and Skye

-Cal and Skye’s meeting! This is an emotional, painful reunion.

-I LOVE the actor who plays Cal, he does fantastic job. Seriously how did they get him and Dichen Lachmann to play her parents?? Well done, casting director

-I love that they make Skye biracial just like how Chloe Bennet is and it’s relevant to her storyline

-So to recap Skye’s backstory. Her mother is taken by Whitehall but is released when he gets captures in the 40s. She’s born to her parents, but Whitehall captures Jiaying again. Cal rescues Jiaying, and they return, but HYDRA had already taken Skye as an 084 (?). SHIELD teams led by Audrey then take care of SKye until she is given to an orphanage. Correct?

-”People liked me. I liked myself.” This line deserves much meta

-Teach you about the stars= Inhumans. I love how that’s a total throwaway innocent line, but it all makes sense once you know.

-Just when Skye has figured out life as a SHIELD spy, her world gets rocked again. But I think this path is a good development because she’s not just a regular SHIELD agent: She was born on the outside; learned to think in unusual ways; she’s bubbly and warm and compassionate when SHIELD agents before were typically taught to be rationale and merciless. She’s born to be a new kind of SHIELD agent as well as the bridge between Inhumans and SHIELD

-The lullaby :(

-”Best Day Ever” -Cal

-I mean the emotional manipulation of “After you change I’m the only one who’ll understand” is bad, but he was right in the sense that they all were afraid of her

-Skye wanting to stop the drill and get the obelisk as a way of making it up to Coulson and because she’s a good SHIELD agent. But, like, she knows that’s what her father wanted, so does she just believe she won’t get caught up in whatever is going on? Does she go because fate is pulling her? Does this show believe in fate?? *thinks about all the future time-travelling shenanigans and gets a headache*

THAT ENDING THO

-The thing with Mack presumed dead freaking broke my heart, but it’s a good fake out to blindside us with Tripp’s death.

-IMO, the obelisk is a good fake out for terrigenesis crystals. Even if I knew about Inhumans stuff before hand, I wouldn’t have put it together through what info they give us on the obelisk in previous episodes

-THE TRANSFORMATION. “”WHAT WE BECOME” AKA THE QUESTION THAT WAS ASKED WAY BACK IN SEASON ONE IS FINALLY GETTING ANSWERED. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. The chanting, man. Is it the same one we’ve heard before?

- “I gotta admit I’m just the tiniest bit nervous.” I could write an essay on why I love this line.

-SKYE’S TRANSFORMATION. IT’S SO POWERFUL AND SO HEARTBREAKING. THEY’RE BOTH JUST TRYING TO SAVE EACH OTHER. I’M CRYING.

-I probably just need to rewatch this again, but why didn’t anything happen to Tripp when the terrigenesis first activated but then he gets hurt when he gets hit? Like is it the terrigenesis won’t hurt him, but touching the crystals/obelisk will?

-Ya’ll are gonna hate me for this, but... I get why Tripp had to die. Like, it devastated me and still does and its racist and HE DID NOT DESERVE IT. But from the storyline POV, I see why he was chosen to die. Tripp was incorporated into the story in season 1 to replace Ward. We needed an action guy on the team because half the team is non-combat and we needed someone who was genuinely good to balance out the real Ward. But season 2, everyone’s shifted roles. We have Daisy, Hunter, Bobbi who all fill the action roles, so Tripp’s primary role is no longer necessary. He’s (intentionally?) underdeveloped: he does a variety of things, but he’s not filling any one role nor is he vital in any specific relationship, the way Coulson, May, Fitzsimmons, and Skye are, and he doesn’t contribute to the season’s plot the way Hunter, Bobbi, and Mack do. Plus, it’s a really shitty symbolism of how the show is progressing to darker tones by killing of their sunshine boy.

-Anyway, I cant believe they just end like that for a mid-season finale. Top ten moments of superhero genre, without question. Also, is this the first time we here’s Daisy’s theme song? Because I’ve mentioned before how powerful and sad-sounding it is

-GORDON!!!!!!!

#My grouping has either made this less or more confusing #and I can't tell which #I'm sorry #aos #aos s2 #aos rewatch #aos season 2 rewatch #aos s2 rewatch #may #tripp #coulson #ward #skye #daisy #huntingbird #fitzsimmons #agent h #agent aos rewatch #agent report

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iamjulikakyelle · 5 years

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WHO IS I? WHY IS I? WHAT IS I ABOUT?

Before we get all goofy and shit I will break it down to you.

Take your time and enjoy the vibes.

Creating a blog and actually working on it on a daily baiss has been a longtime wish of mine which I never actually aimed for in the end. Why tho?

Until now.

I started with creating and growing a supportive and loving, loyal, respectful and understanding community on my social media platform on Instagram - love ya´ll!

However, as the time went by and I kept on growing and living I felt that even with all the feedback and replies and love I am receiving for being me and putting myself out there, some areas in my life didn´t have the proper channel to express them fully in all their forms and colors.

This blog is personal. For me. For you. I will be going into more details than just my daily snippets of thoughts that you can see and read through on my profile.Most importantly is the fact that I do it for me, like I said. It is not selfish to want to invest in thyself and improve certain areas in your life. In the end this food for thought is for you, too.I´m like your wifey and mother at once that is picking up the ingredients and herbs wisely and select all the unnecessary bullshit out to make sure your mind/body and soul is properly nurtured and taking excellent care of. Cause I just want the best for you.I gotchu. I want to see you all win! Like honestly. Go for the bag sis - bruh, you deserve living your best life!

I also perceive this as a test for myself, by stretching my comfort zone to the extend and putting myself out here in various ways.

I said goodbye today to my longtime be(a)stie frenemy called - THE PROCRASTINATOR. What a sneaky little bastard he is.

Now is the time. When it feels most uncomfortable to do something new.That is where and when you grow. By taking on new habits.If you want a new life you have to move differently.At least that is how I deeply feel about it. If it doesn´t scare you even just a bit just know that you are too cozed up (ain´t a correct word but I also love creating new ones, who said I couldn´t, right? ) sitting on the sofa with your redbull in your left hand while the right hand is holding a cigarette, filling the entire room with a heavy scent of "I FEEL STUCK AND MY SOUL IS TIRED BUT MY DEAREST FRIEND PROGGY KNOWS BEST WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME AND WHAT ISN´T, RIGHT?!?!?".

You hear netflix playing twentyfive hours eight days in the week in the back but you don´t actually watch. You don´t even listen anymore. You doze off. Complety lost. You just want to comfort your loneliness with the sound of other people talking, it gives you the sweet feeling of not being actually all on your own in this shitty shit hole that you dived deep inside. But also not having to participate to any real conversation.Now get the fuck up and leave the corner of your comfort zone. More like killing zone.You won´t find your happiness in there. Nor success. Whatever that means to you.What you do not change - you chose. Easy right?!

I chose me, over and over again. It is a process and you only get further by holding yourself accountable for everything that you put out into this very world.Confront your ego and let it shatter to the ground for once.Then pick up the pieces and reconstruct it in your own way. You are the chief, designer, regisseur, manager of your life.I as well have had days where I stood in my own way and resisted my true self to prosper.Just yesterday was such a day. What I am trying to tell you is that I ain´t perfect either. I am as well learning each day.. What do you chose? What habits do you pick up day after day while hearing your intuition trying to get to your head, screaming for justice and mercy to finally release whatever you continue to harm yourself with. You have to be on your own team, fam! To keep on telling you these white lies and acting like a snitch that doesn´t want to see someone win, well here is a plot twist; you are the exact same person. So either way you feed your mind with belief and faith or continue to fail and mostly don´t even start a new thing cause you believe your doubts more than your heart.What a pity. What a shame. Ever thought about the heritage of your doubts? What you feel pulsing inside of your chest whenever you do what you where put on this earth to do, is with no doubt your mission. All the projections, negative comments from other people, family members and frenemies do not have ANYTHING and I mean that, to do with your purpose.Doesn´t matter if you believe in such thing as a purpose or not. That doesn´t minimize the fact. It is what it is. Facts.Start doing what you solely are passionate about. To only give you a little spicy taste of my traintrack of thoughts. This the vibe we on now.

I will be speaking openly about sexual traumas, sexuality in general, that includes sexual desires, how to tap into your sexual energy, what is a sexual energy, how to use it for creating more than just a baby, lack of confidence, how to ask for help, easy steps to love your own self, drug abuse, veganism and what this"trend" is actually about, conspiracy threaths, knowledge of the self - the highest, conversations I have with my higher self - she a queen, what I eat, what I don´t eat, why I eat what I eat, subliminals and binaural beats, how to transform your dna with theta waves, how I manifest, what techniques do I practice, witchcraft, christianity and satanism, why I love and admire fashion and how/why my style improved over the last years, breakups and lessons, trust and loyalty. why honest real talk is significant for humankind, how to spot toxic friendships/relationships and more and deeper tings.

Take a seat. if you hear the call. Picc it up babe, it is for you. Your time is now. You deserve all that you desire late at night before you rise up to other and higher realms.I am guiding you through it, with patience, dedication, commitment, grace, honesty, shapeshifting into your highest version. I help you get you YOU.

I am here to inspire, to wake you up, to be a freak, with you. To embrace our soft parts and wildest dreams. To help each other grow and support one another. By giving constructive feedback cause all we want to do is build one another up cause we love seeing someone glow and reach their goals! Yea, face it, we may all have similar dreams, goals, things we want to achieve in our lives but isn´t that in particular what makes it even better? Knowing that we all need help and can help cause we´ve either way already been there - done that or have to go there and do it.Wisdom, knowledge is there to be shared. To be received.I appreciate every single one of you and I am thrilled for this new adventure.

You can always hit up my mailbox with anything that burdens your heart and lies heavy on your shoulders. I will take my time to listen to you and answer you. I am all in. I am with you. For you.-Feel the love. You are blessed.

Yours truly,

Julika Kyelle

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niceprophecies · 5 years

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Nope. Just no.

Today while browsing the tags I came across some very short and very angry text posts. Stating that some Johnlockers are not going to be fooled again, that they won’t watch Good Omens, because it all sounds too familiar and not in a good way.

Let me tell you this show is nothing like Sherlock. Good Omens has healed my broken Sherlockian heart. Everything I could have wished for Sherlock and John to become true is right there. And more.

A forbidden love between two enemies that cannot be (or can it?). The longest and most delicious slow burn in human history, spanning over the course of 6000 years (and still one of them is not ready, ‘You go to fast for me, Crowley’). A desperate situation, ending in a breakup. All the angst when one of them thinks the other one is gone forever. A reunion (thank God one without any aggression, yeah Mofftiss, I’m looking at you, this is not dull at all!). And an ending where ‘A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square’ (a romantic love song in case you hadn’t guessed).

What we don’t get is the constant denial of being in a relationship with each other from either of the two protagonists. And believe me, over the course of six hours of screen time this is often enough heavily implied or openly stated by supporting characters. What we also don’t get is some female love interest. Not once in 6000 years. Alright, Crowley once threatens that he has plenty of other people to fraternise with. This is a classic rom com move and of course they do have to play the jealousy angle, it’s just too delicious. No, but seriously. Humans are nothing to be interested in. Our angel and demon have only eyes for one another.

‘But they haven’t kissed. We are once again denied The Kiss. A Kiss is the only proof.’

Let me tell you that actually no. It’s not. This show is the living, breathing example that this thesis is wrong. Any Anathema/Newt shippers around? No? And why is that? We get some proper heterosexual fornication here, and guess what? It leaves everyone and their dog stone cold. (Or worse, bored or slightly embarrassed). This is because sex doesn’t do shit for your heart! The central couple in this story are two queer celestial beings with whom you suffer and rejoice from their first line to the last look they share. And by the way who is to say that they didn’t do ... whatever it is celestial beings do to show their affection? At least in this show we might not get a kiss, but we get another bench scene and in this one our couple is holding hands. Holding hands to swap bodies. Swap bodies which is quite an intimate trope per se, but on top of that with the intent to save each other’s lives (thank you so much team locations for the park bench scenes, they alone helped me get over the god awful scene between John and Sherlock where there’s only pain and pining that never gets resolved).

That’s what we get from the show itself. Now let’s have a look at their respective creators, shall we?

[x] [x] [x]

We have the creators continually expressing their firm belief that these characters are in love.

Then there are the actors. No denial. They talk openly about this romance in interviews. Michael Sheen especially can’t shut up about it. Even when he’s not asked. Well, what can you expect from a man who has been a fan of the book since 1990 and who openly admits in print media that he has “turned to the large body of fanfic“ in order to prepare for his role?

[x]

Compare that to Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch who scoff and sneer at Johnlockers and blatantly deny any relationship between their characters short of best buddies.

And then there’s @neil-gaiman himself. Adapting his own novel with the intention to stay as close to the source material as possible. He repeatedly stated he wanted as little overall changes as possible to honour his co-author the late Terry Pratchett whose dying wish was to make this story come alive on screen. An author who takes his time to patiently answer every ask on his twitter account or his tumblr blog, and of course there have been shippers asking these questions. Here are Neil Gaiman’s answers: every reading is valid, every interpretation is welcome.

In a blog post he wrote: “Terry Pratchett and I were talking about Crowley and Aziraphale over dinner the other night and wondering what they'd been up to ("...on the South Downs? You really think so?").”

Asked about that quote in a q&a in 2005 his reply was: "Well, what they're doing on the South Downs is sharing a cottage. Next question?"

[x] [x]

Now go and compare this to Moffatt’s and Gatiss’ Cambridge q&a shortly after s4 had aired and everyone was still raw with disappointment. When asked if fans could possibly interpret one of the last scenes of ‘The Final Problem’ as Sherlock and John again living together in 221b, they flat out refused to even acknowledge the possibility. What little grace it’d have cost them to allow their loyal fans to build whatever head canon they wanted? Yet the all knowing author gods (who weren’t even adapting their own creation like Mr. Gaiman, but only writing big budged fan fiction for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories themselves) had to pry this last wilted straw from the hands of the Johnlock community. ‘We imagine John still living at his old flat, occasionally coming over to help Sherlock solve his crimes...’ (and no, if anybody asks if I wouldn’t please give a source for that, I would rather not. I’m getting nauseous only thinking about it, and I won’t look back. You either take my word for it, or climb down into the vaults of my archive on @constancecream. It’s all been well documented.)

Sorry for sounding harsh. I apologise if I offended those in the Sherlock fandom who still enjoy the show, or worse, those who still have hope. It is just no longer for me.

After two years of bitterness, Good Omens has given me some sense of closure. I finally got confirmation that it is possible to tell a beautiful, romantic, queer love story while staying faithful to its source material. The creators have elegantly managed to give their audience the best of entertainment without alienating their fandom.

Go and read the book. Look and see for yourselves what’s on the page, what’s implied between the lines. Good Omens is brilliantly funny and a delight to read. See for yourselves if you pick up on any Crowley/Aziraphale vibes.

If yes, then go and watch the show. I promise it won’t disappoint you.

#good omens #sherlock #neil gaiman #michael sheen #fandom #steven moffat #mark gatiss #queerbaiting #spoilers #mystuff

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/we-ascend-through-unconditional-love/

We Ascend Through Unconditional Love

By A Gift From Gaia

Hello angels, well its fair to say this energy moving through is super transformative once you remember how to surrender, move into acceptance and realise the attachments and release as we go. A super wave is now underway, a wave we as energetic navigators have been talking about for a long time and it is now, the keys we have shared, the practices we have introduced are now showing the alignment through the fields as we move through the transitions, our physical realities are reshaping with ease even though the collective reality appears to be fragile.

Here at A Gift from Gaia I am sure you are aware things have been changing and we are now ever closer to landing in the web, the internet with a website being created to suit many octaves, The Alignment Program is being birthed, there will be access to the SOUL-AR Alignment Program and there will be access to daily energy reports and light gems galore, a three tier membership, a gift to our souls as it will enable people to receive light and come away from social media, which is required regularly when we go through the awakening and ascension octaves. It means the keys and gems I share will be set, in a space to forever be found rather than sinking into the abyss of the Facebook page wall, like a living breathing ongoing book of light for those who resonate with the light I anchor and share.

But of course there is more, because A Gift from Gaia is a state of BEing and there are more of us, Charleen of course will be found at the website with her lotions and potions and musical magic, then we have Jack who is busy creating magical merchandise, he has a super surprise he is working on currently to share with you all, and all will be revealed! You will be introduced to Angela who can assist those who feel disconnected from their emotions and self, and not forgetting Dan from Nomadic Jurassic, his music is simply Divine and as A Gift from Gaia breathes through the light of unity consciousness the site will forever be a place where we will continue to grow and unite with those who’s hearts are wide open to share with you all and create a WHOLEsome experience for you. We have aligned, unified, and we experience the magic this brings to our field so of course we want to share with you all and continue to expand into MORE…..because, there is, always, MORE.

This wave we are surfing has the purpose of bringing in the most exquisite frequencies that hold a baseline completely stable in the tranquil tones of peace, it requires full dedication, to make self the priority over everything and One, whilst still staying fully connected to the fact that by doing so we are more connected than ever, detaching from the attachments whilst re-learning the attachments have been the reflection of self-abandonment, lack and over supporting, and we are seeing this surface now in some root programming with those ready to move from the mind into the heart space or we are observing some of the most subtle ways, we learned to choose conscious and now we realise there is more conscious to choose from, things appear, the body speaks in different ways, requesting feeds, mentally, physically and energetically however is required and things show up, suggestions are heard that catch our attention and before we know it we are purifying the fields within all the more. Who would have thought I would be drinking yarrow tea but apparently my physical says its required.

We ascend through unconditional love, which has been the experience and will continue to be the experience, what changes is the ability to receive unconditional love which is like a blinding light at first, it shines out the pain, it holds accountability which is the awakening process, opening and expanding, sorting and shifting, and for the mind awakened stage constant headbanging as we looped and looped and looped some more until we began questioning, observing and then realising the programming stored within, it was only ever a choice but to realise the choice we must learn how it works and the words go within repeats and repeats until finally the reality spins so hard there is no choice but to go within, the path, the pattern is the same, and whilst many shout there are many paths to enlightenment the truth is there is just one, there is one behaviour of light therefore there is one way of the light, those playing on the path of manyness realise the defence to One is simply a reflection of the separation and attachment to beliefs being held.

We are anchoring unity consciousness this means we hold the pattern of light, the same pattern/behaviour and whilst we experience the manifestations and the physical details differently the pattern is always the same and this is how and why we merge and begin creating super abundant realities and hold conscious relationships that are stable and ever growing, because the baseline frequency of peace has been stabilised within, the subconscious drivers are aligned which creates an incredibly harmonic Sacred Field for us to create within and share. But whilst this expansion is happening, through the physical eyes we see those not choosing, or rather choosing to stay asleep, choosing to play in the programs and beliefs of limits and lack, we see those stating, declaring love and yet its so obviously conditional as there is no availability for renewal, light unites and its open, soft and flowing, it allows all to come and go freely whilst holding the purest frequencies of respect and responsibility.

As we awaken further collectively we begin now to see how firm these human loyalties, relationships and so on have been nothing more than a crutch or an attachment and whatever the octave you surf will always be on a continuous path of purification, those surfing the spectrums of awakening move into the harmonic frequencies of rejuvenation and those refusing to choose self become a part of the presentation we see that gives us the “evidence” required in the beginning to start believing that there is something much greater happening. Of course the evidence is required at first, it is a mirror of many things, duality, attachment, separation, a whole number of pathways requiring clearing start to emerge.

As we progress through to this week’s Full Moon in Aries we are fully aware deep within of the transition or the transformation that is upon us, whilst many are in the thick of emotions there are equally many focused on the temple and what is within, completing the maintenance to hold strong in the incoming waves and therefore strengthening the grids that we hold, maintain and anchor. What makes this such a beautiful learning curve for many who choose to move consciously, and for those who take that first leap of faith there is the ability to receive the higher octave outcomes, instant manifestations, as whilst the full moon has aspects to the streams of change that Pluto shows us, the moon is now on one of its final transits to Jupiter in Sagittarius of this year, Jupiter, the whole way through has been showing us what we can do, what we can attract, what we can expand upon if we simply follow the lead, if we take the signposted road, and if we didn’t, then Jupiter kindly pointed out the massive bump on the head from headbutting the wall over and over and over again.

The moon is in opposition to Juno today which starts to show the split within, where those out there feeds are no longer providing what is required, and in the lowest of octaves we could see infidelities and folk jumping ship and those choosing to see will realise the separation and begin to feed into self all that it requires from within, you see the entire attachment program can only be fully dissolved by realising everything out there is only ever a reflection of you and the attachments you are seeking out there are simply aspects of you attempting to dissolve the separation and again this patterning is now moving through the collective and our physical world is now reflecting this back to us all, we can see the cracks getting wider, we can see the establishments shake and the house of cards is forming into a completely new design, we are anchoring and building our new world by anchoring and building within us.

Have the most magical surf angels

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