#i make a damn fucking good turkey yall

[unforth]

Gorgeous local lady has gotten a massage and been stuffed full, and is now sitting in a lovely sparkling cider bath in a toasty hot oven. 👨‍🍳👌

[ayeyolooo]

Roommates!

1000 + words 😓(please excuse my grammatical errors!)

YOU LAID IN YOUR BED BOO BOO CRYING. Your boyfriend just broke up with you. Did you know why? Absolutely not. You stopped crying before sniffing and you started boo boo crying again. Connie walked by your bedroom and his eyes furrowed. He knocked on the door with his knuckles and called out your name softly. "Y/n?" His soft voice rang on the other side of the door. You just sniffed and ignored him. Connie just sighed before he went to go and get eren and armin. Connie walked downstairs to see armin on the game with his headphones on. His back muscles glowed in the sun as the curtain was open,shooting the natural light on his back.

His piercings shimmered in the sunlight as he threw his head back in annoyance. "Bro yall big goofy asses cheating." Armin's deep voice rang throughout the house. Eren just leaned on the counter and laughed at armin. Armin sucked his teeth before turning towards eren and pointing towards the tv. "Nahh cause they asses double teaming." Armin said with a lil attitude.

Eren just laughed and popped a blueberry in his mouth. He took the fruit out and he began mixing him some fruit in a glass white bowl. His fruit mixture was watermelon,cantaloupe, strawberries,mango, grapes and pineapple. He placed the fruit back in the refrigerator and walked over to the couch and plopped down on the seat next to armin. Armin looked over to eren and seen him scrolling through his Instagram feed. He took his opportunity to dig in his bowl and take some of his fruit before eating all of them.

Eren looked up from his phone with furrowed eyebrows. "Bro.. why are you digging your hands in my fucking bowl ion know where your nasty ass hands been." Eren said popping armin on the nose.Armin's hand quickly went up as he clutched his now red nose. "Ouch dickhead,you hit my piercing." Armin's voice muffled from his hands covering his mouth.

Eren just smirked before going back on his phone. Armin just rolled his eyes before he began playing the game again. Connie just stood on the stairs and watched the whole thing unfold. He laughed and walked to the kitchen. "Okay whenever y'all done with y'all lil arguing and shit. We got something else to worry bout?" Connie said taking the pancake mix out of the cabinet. Armin and erens face screwed up in confusion as they turned to Connie. "What's wrong??" Armin asked as his tatted hand began to take the ps5 headphones off.

"mama up there crying."Connie replied taking the ingredients for pancakes out of the refrigerator. Armin placed his headphones back on as he spoke into the mic. "Aye I gotta go imma talk to y'all later." Armin said before turning the game off and walking in the kitchen. "What's wrong with n/n?" Eren asked standing up and making his way to the kitchen. "Beats me." Connie said shrugging as he mixed the ingredients in the bowl. "You asked mikasa?" Eren asked. Connie just shook his head no.

"Did you try asking her?" Armin asked taking out the pots to help Connie. Connie and eren just looked at him like he was stupid. "Well no shit." Connie sarcastically responded. "Okay my bad damn." Armin mean mugged everyone before he began getting the butter out of the refrigerator and spreading it into the pot. Eren took the turkey bacon from the freezer and stood to the side of armin turning the oven on and placing it on 350°.

He cleared the oven out making sure that it was nothing in there. He took a baking pan and he placed some bacon strips on the pan. He slid the pan into the oven and he closed it back. "I'm thinking about changing my tongue piercing." Eren said breaking the silence. "For what? Isn't the one you got good already??" Armin asked. "Yeah,but I want a bigger one..I don't know yet though." Eren said licking his lips and rubbing his two tatted hands together making his muscles flex against his tight dry fit shirt.

"Okay we have to make her cheer up." Connie said pouring some of the batter on the hot sizzling pan and cleaning up the sides so that it'll be clean. "Yeah." Armin and eren both replied with a sad tone. "But mikasa I don't know what I did wrong." Your voice cracked at the end. "Girl fuck him.. he wasn't shit anyways." She said. She despised your boyfriend. She couldn't stand him.

She hated him so badly that she didn't even want to breathe the same air as him. You just tucked your head into your arms and you cried and cried. Mikasa felt bad for you. Since she didn't know how to comfort anyone. And she wasn't anywhere near you. "Girl his dick better have been that good to where you crying like that." Mikasa said looking at you. "It wasn't but I loved him." You said sipping your eyes. Your white acrylics could be seen as mikasa just shook her head in dissapointment.

"Stinka,that wasn't no man..I mean look at the way he talked to you Ma." Mikasa's raspy voice rang throughout the phone. You just sniffed as you tried to wipe your eyes. But the tears kept coming out. Your Nose was running and you were starting to get hot.

You sniffed and stood up. When you stood up your head felt dizzy . It was from you crying so much. You walked to the mirror and looked at your face. Your puffy eyes ,your red tipped nose. All of this for someone you loved.

But did he love you back..?

You kept your light off,but turned on your fan. You removed your jacket and made your way back underneath the covers to sulk some more.

You got into the bed and continued to cry. Mikasa whispred sweet nothings over the phone as you cried. She was trying her best,but you kept crying.

She just sighed out in defeat. "I'm so sorry ma that he's making you feel this way." Mikasa pouted over the phone.

You just shrugged. "Maybe it's cause I'm too fat?" You admitted. "Woahhh hold your motherfucking horses." Mikasa placed one finger up in the camera as a 'wait.' Signal.

"Girl you are a real female. You didn't get surgery..and you're naturally thick.. okay??" She asked you. "But.." you muttered. "But nothing y/n shut the fuck up and listen to me." Mikasa's stern voice said to you as you immediately shut up.

"You have a pudge, so what? You have cellulite? So what? You have stretch marks,so what??  You have lower belly fat,so what??All of that make you human y/n." Mikasa's voice turned soft as she explained.

"You're not putting all of this plastic and shit in your body. Your body is perfect for the person who you're meant for." Mikasa said. "Okay? Now stop crying pretty girl." Mikasa said.

"Wipe your tears, ion wanna see you crying anymore." Mikasa said as you nodded and wiped your eyes. "Sasha wants me to go and cuddle with her..I'll speak to you later pretty girl." Mikasa said smiling at you.

Your lil phat ma throbbed but you played it off since it wasn't the right moment for that. "Love you n/nnn."Mikasa drug out there last letter of your name. "I love you too kasaaaa." You said bringing the phone to your lips and making kissy noises.

Mikasa did the same thing before saying bye to you and hanging up.

You laid on your back as you scrolled through your feed. You checked your dm's and it was a client. She wanted you to do her daughters hair and nails,for her 16th birthday.

Hello! Ms.y/n would you be available today by any chance? It's my daughters 16 th birthday today and I was wondering if you could do her hair and nails?

You sat up and turned your light on.

'Yeah sure! Read the information in my highlights🤍. Can you please bring her by 12:00?' You sent it said that she seen it.

'Yes sure,would you like your $15 deposit on cash app or in person?'

'On cash app ma'am.' You replied. She said okay and sent it. She showed you the way she wanted her hair.

You told her what she needed,and you sent her your address. You kept on erens sweatpants, and they were able to fit due to your thick thighs.

You had on one of armin's white tee shirts and you had on Connie's 'euphoric' hoodie. You made your way downstairs to see the boys all in the kitchen making food.

All of their backs were turned. So when they all turned around to place a piece of food on the plate. They all shrieked when they seen you.

Your eyelashes off, your eyes puffy,the tip of your nose red. And your eyes glossy.

"You okay?" Armin asked walking over to you and giving you a warm hug. Your eyes started to water as he  kissed your head. Eren just walked over and pulled you off of armin. He turned you around and he wiped your tears.

"What's wrong pretty girl?" He whispred and leaned down so that he could face you. "Nothing." You turned your head so that he couldn't see you crying.

He gently grabbed your chin and faces you towards him. He used both of his thumbs and wiped your eyes. "You crying doesn't seem like nothing." He whispred lowly.

You just sighed. "I'm okay,and I have a client today." You said giving all of them a closed smile. "Oh that's cool. Come eat." Connie said placing your plate on the table.

You hesitated before making your way to the table. They all made their plates before coming to sit next to you. "You okay ma?" Connie asked looking at you with his hazel green eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine." You said messing with your earring. "I call bullshit." Armin said. You just rolled your eyes as eren laughed.

"Yeah y/n you ain't a good liar." Eren motioned to you playing with your earring. "Hop off okay?" You said with a lil attitude.

"You and markeshia broke up??" Connie asked breaking the ice. You just mean mugged him at the name. "His name was Marcus and yes,we unfortunately separated.. why did you call him markeshia?" You asked picking up a strawberry and biting into it.

"Cause he acted more like a lil girl than he did a man,so why not?" Connie asked shrugging and taking a bite of his pancake. You just laughed at the name. Armin seen you laughing and he broke out into a smile.

You started to die of laughter as the three boys joined in from your laugh.

Them three didn't fail you. When you were sad they found out a way to cheer you up.

When you were  hungry or needed money they had no problem paying for you. Mikasa thinks that you have a crush on them. But you denied her,even though it was true.

I mean how could you not? Here lemme explain to you.

Eren okay ,Greek God. Slim waist. Tattoos,tall?? Not fine??

Armin, messy undercut,pink lips,nose ring?? Tattoos? Taller than you but shorter than eren. Still not fine???

Connie,green eyes. Nose piercing? Eyebrow piercing?? Tattoos?? Shorter than armin and eren but taller than you. You lying if you say they ain't fine ass hell.

You continued eating. You finished and placed your plate in the sink so that you'll be able to wash it later. "N/n you need us to help you?" Eren asked as all of their eyes shot towards you.

They just wanted an excuse to go and watch you do hair.

"Yeah y'all can come in and help if you'd like." You said showing them a beautiful smile and walking to your little hair salon.

"Y'all seen that sexy ass smileeee??" Connie whispered as eren and armin's face went red. They all dabbed eachother up before finding their faces and making their way to your hair room.

"Y'all go put on some clothesss,I can't have y'all looking like that when my clients over here." You said looking them up and down.

"What's wrong with what we got on?? This out house too n/n." Armin mean mugged you. You just rolled your eyes before you started separating the hair and placing it on the stands.

Armin has on a white wife beater with some black jordan basketball shorts. Connie had on a white tee shirt,with some grey sweatpants and a black beanie on.

Eren had on a black fitted dryfit shirt with some black sweatpants and his hair was in a messy bun to the back.

All of them looked delicious.

"Find whatever." You said rolling your eyes. Armin walked over to you "you need us to help you?" He asked with an innocent smile as he looked down at you,with low lidded eyes.

"Yeah,you can help separate the hair for me?" You asked handing him the hair. He took it from you and began to separate the hair.

The boy all knew how to work your salon. On days you were sick,they'd take your place and they'll give you all of the money when they were done.

Connie did the nails,armin and eren did the hair. They were able to do this because they watched you every single time you'd have a client.

Pt 2🤔??

[katsukikitten]

FRIENDSGIVING HEADCANON

Aight so friendsgiving is something the heroes decide to keep a tradition of after they all had to quarantine together during the height of the pandemic.

They have it whenever all of them can meet up. Sometimes it's actually on thanksgiving and other times it's a day or two before or after.

This got long so please look under the cut

Momo has the biggest house so she always hosts, insisting on catering the event but that pisses Bakugou off more than he'd care to admit so instead he barks "How the fuck is that thanksgiving? We gotta cook." Little does he know that if he doesn't assign people an entre or a side to bring it quickly becomes far too similar to an unorganized office potluck with a lot of food but nothing to eat.

He makes denki make the Mac and cheese and every year without fail Kaminari almost drops the decadent dish in the flimsy foil pan until Bakugou buys him "proper fucking cookware" he's hoping this year Kaminari's nerves won't glitch out causing his fingers to drop the only thing of his that anyone can stomach.

Sato brings the rolls, homemade rolls, and butter of all sorts he always makes a chocolate cake too leaving the pies up to Uraraka and Tsu as its a heavy debate if sweet potato or pumpkin is better. Jiro makes these killer stuffing balls, they're like stuffing but in the shape of a huge ball, the outside is the right amount of crunch and the inside is anything but mushy.

Momo is in charge of the pre dinner snacks. Everyone comes over early to watch the day parade and Momo insists on several pre dinner snacks. A cranberry brie dip, a charcuterie board filled with fine meats and cheeses, an array of all sorts of tea and lastly a heavenly homemade sangria. Ojiro and his new wife Toru bring a mean broccoli salad to add to the pre dinner snack.

Tokoyami makes the BEST mashed potatoes hands down. He leaves just the right amount of skin and mashes them just right (not lumpy but not whipped either) they are buttery and so full of flavor that the turkey gravy elevates you and the potato into heaven.

Kirishima oddly enough makes yams with the little marshmallows on top. The yams are to die for and he always has to make an extra pan so Mrs. Bakugou can have some.

Izuku makes the green been casserole and he is not shy about the onion straws on top. For a vegetable that pan sure as hell empties quick.

Mina brings the cornbread and collards. The cornbread is in cast iron skillets and it's so damn good, everyone drools just thinking about it.

Mineta brings the drinks, he admits he isn't the best at cooking but damn if he doesn't provide. Any soda, beer, wine you can think of he finds. He even somehow found a gallon of milk Thanksgiving day on year. Since then everyone put him on beverage detail.

Naturally Bakugou handles the turkey. It's perfect every fucking year. He makes ham too and that hunk of pork has people fighting over the last slice. Every year the comment he should open a seasonal restaurant and sell them and he says "fuck off I ain't sellin out" but everyone reads between the lines and hears I only want to share this with yall. He is also careful to create a vegan faux turkey dish and gravy with Koda in mind.

Koda makes a fine salad, every year it's a new recipe and every year is better than the last. Ida brings this weird dish, maple bacon brussel sprouts. Everyone was leery over it at first but once they had a bite they couldn't RESIST. they drop hints that he better be bringing it to the dinner. Shoji makes the cranberry sauce, homemade and brings one canned sauce because Kaminari insists it taste better as a disk. Aoyama outdoes himself every year, with a delicate sweet yet tart apple pie where the crust is in the shape of a deliciously flaky rose.

Shoto brings an ice box cake, one his mom has passed down for years and finally had the chance to teach him. He also brings cold soba every year and every year Bakugou questions both Shoto's taste buds and capabilities as a hero.

All and all this young group of adults that feel as if they are rapidly aging look forward to the event every year. Everyone comes through the door with a big smile and a tight hug because thankfully they have all lived through another year.

[disgruntledspacedad]

Jayyy!! Sweet, slutty in the AM.

Without giving BL spoilers, or maybe you won't? Idk 👀👀 not *cough* fishing or anything *cough*

Can I please have 💖 for Javier??? I'm curious...

Angel out-

Javiears pregnancy headcanons? You got it, babe!

Quick and obvious disclaimer to treat all of these as if they are a Better Love AU, at least until I tell you otherwise. 😘

Any baby that these two have would be a total surprise. Ears never wanted kids, and Javi has never thought long enough about it to decide how he feels about a family. He’s always assumed that was never in the cards for him.

Once the initial shock wears off - and that’s gonna take quite a while for both of them - Javi and Ears both jump feet first into the parenting thing. They each harbor some intense opinions about what a kid should and shouldn’t have to put up with, and there are lots of deep conversations that Last into the early morning hours. They nail down the important stuff pretty early, decide that they’ll figure out the rest with time, and discover a whole lot more about one another in the process.

Ears’ body hates being pregnant. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s got her Ashkenazi ancestry to thank for this. Ears is sick as dog snot clear through her first trimester and well into her second, exhausted and achy and throwing the fuck up. She gets awful migraines, too. There are days when Javi is convinced that carrying this baby is going to kill her, and he worries a lot.

Ears handles all of this as stoically as she can. She’s miserable, but she’s not about to complain and make Javi feel even worse.

Speaking of Javi, that protective streak he’s got goes into overdrive the instant Ears tells him about the baby. Ears has got to constantly remind him that she’s pregnant, not dying, and Javi good god, please just let me do things, okay??

That being said, it takes Javi a little while to connect the idea of Ears being pregnant to Ears carrying his baby. It’s all very abstract to him, to the point that on Ears’ worst days, Javi almost feels a little resentful.

That all changes at Ears’ sixteen week appointment. She’s just starting to feel like a human again, and this time, Javi is allowed to go back with her.

Oh my god, you guys, when Javier Peña sees that blurry, black and white, tiny little baby on the ultrasound screen... yall, his entire world shifts.

Ears notices instantly. It’s kind of hard not to, given how tightly Javi is suddenly gripping her hand. He glances over at him to find his eyes glued to the screen, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. It takes her aback a little. “You okay?” she asks quietly, and Javi nods, drags his eyes away from the ultrasound screen and gives her a soft, wet smile, and something slots into place for Ears, too.

Javi quits smoking cold turkey that day. Seeing his tiny little daughter for the first time put a lot of things into perspective, and Javi decides then and there that he wants to be there for her as long as possible.

The first three weeks are miserable. Javi does his best to get out of the house when he’s feeling tetchy (which is always), and Ears does her best to be understanding, but they get into more than a few little spats.

The makeup sex is 🔥🔥🔥, though.

Ears is not a big girl. When she starts to show, she shows fast, and Javi swears he can see her body change every day. Ears is pretty indifferent. She’s not self conscious - Ears finds pregnancy to be inconvenient, more than anything.

Javier Peña has never seen anything as beautiful as Hannah Aarons carrying his child.

Javi fucking loves it. There’s something primal about running his hand over the gentle swell of Ears’ belly and knowing that it’s his daughter that’s growing there. He’s not one to talk to the bump, but Javi can hardly stop himself from touching it. All the fucking time. Ears will sometimes playfully shoo him away. “Hands to yourself, you animal. I’m trying to nap!”

Seriously, their sex life doesn’t suffer at all. It doesn’t help that Ears refuses to buy maternity clothes. She’d much rather lounge around in Javi’s t-shirts and his old sweats, something that makes Javi’s cave man brain damn near implode every single time he sees it.

Ugh, and he’s sweet to her. Observant and affectionate and accommodating of absolutely everything. Cravings? Tell me what you want, babe, I’ll get three. Foot massage? Come here, mi reina, let me make it better. Yawning through dinner? Go get in bed, Ears, I’ve got dishes tonight.

Javi starts noticing Ears’ puffy feet somewhere around the 28th week or so. Ears swears they don’t hurt, exactly, so they both write it off as one of those weird pregnancy things.

It’s not. Ears has severe pre-eclampsia. Javi only finds this out after Ears gets a migraine so bad that she can’t see straight. Javi carries her to the car and forces her to go to the hospital. They’re there for all of five minutes when the doctor on call deems Ears’ blood pressure to be high enough to constitute a medical emergency, and Javi’s world is turned upside down again when he hears the word “c-section.”

Ears is only 33 weeks pregnant.

Less than an hour later, Javi is holding his baby girl. She’s tiny, the tiniest little human that Javi has ever seen, but she’s got a hell of a set of lungs on her, and Javi has never been so relieved, so stunned, so riveted, or so enraptured by anything in his entire life.

Oh, shit, he’s crying again.

She’s absolutely perfect. Off her oxygen within two days, taking feedings like a champ, and obliterating every goal her pediatrician sets for her.

Javi is so fucking proud when his girl is discharged a full week earlier than the doctors anticipated. She’s still a little small, but growing like a weed, and Javi just knows that between her and her mom, he’s gonna have his hands full.

Ears is fine, just a little sore. There are no long term complications from pre-eclampsia, so as soon as she’s up and sort of moving, Ears in full mom mode.

Ears loves being a mom, but she and Javi are in full agreement on this - one and done.

[scandeniall]

Can I request Atsumu Afro!American!s/o inviting him to her family cookout ( I’m not American tho)

Since you said you weren’t american i tried to make this not americanized (bc thats what i know) and relatively general so i hope i didnt trash this 

ok so i want to start this by saying i can actually see atsumu as a top tier type of bf to bring and heres why:

hes not gonna show up there and be awkward as fuck. Hes not gonna be scared to engage in conversation. Also not gonna be the type of s/o thats like “babe come with me to fix a plate”. His ass is gonna just GO do it

he makes a perfect balance between a dork and smooth talker so he can vibe with all your family. Bashful laughs and genuinely polite greetings when he first meets your parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles to being able to act a fool with you and your cousins when the older folk are away

so when you first approach him like “hey do you wanna come to my family’s cookout,” hes excited. For one- its canon that this man loves food and loves to eat so hell yeah hes in. Second, i can imagine the fact that you’re comfortable enough in your relationship to bring him (whos obvs not black) is a big deal. Like you want him to meet your more extended family? hes like “oh shit i gotta impress” (also people be out here demonizing him more than needed- hes an asshole but not that bad, so even before he was aware of the more cultural aspect of it and is super respectful and wants to learn)

So you pull up with him, and I can imagine him being lowkey nervous the day of/drive to and youre just like “relax, just dont be you” as a joke and he glares at you and youre just like “I’m kidding”

Give him a tiny pep talk, he’d appreciate it. It’d be one of the times you get the sweet side and not the “yall just wild ass best friends who are dating” type him.

The minute he steps out of the car he literally hits a 180 on you and suddenly isn’t nervous. The music is a vibe, your hand is in his, and that food smells good. Hes annoying though and as yall walk thru to the central location hes like “watch your family like me more than you”

Anyways when yall get there its not early but its not late either, so food is highkey still cooking, save for a few hot dogs (which i’m gonna say turkey or veggie for my own selfish indulging LMAO). And this mans does NOT care. He’s still gonna eat 2-3

Anyways, you make quick rounds with him by your side to greet: he straight turns on the charm. To the point where its like “OK but you didn’t even charm me like this sir.” And trust me he eats the compliments your aunties and shit shoot off at him up. (but also props to you because you bagged a man who is fine as fuck) 

Whether you say something or not, he asks YOU to go dance. So yall got your little red solo cups and he smooth grabbing your hand and just straight vibing with you. (he looked at youtube videos and learned to step much to your surprise so uh, you better know how to before he embarrasses you). bonus: when youre alone with close cousins later they like: spill the tea. his hips? d**k game gotta go crazy

anyways towards the later half of the day where the air is a lot more settled and everyone is just chilling, hes over with some of your guy cousins (lets say yall around the same age). Anyways you walk over after talking with your parents, beer in hand for him. Hes the type of bf to just wrap his hands around your middle even while your standing and you gotta give him the look that his hands better not slip lower. But yeah, your fam teasing anyways F in the chat

idk if hes more touchy because its getting late and the adrenaline and excitement for the day is winding down, or its because hes that comfortable with your cousins and they all friends now so if he wanna touch on his baby hes going to

hes actually really good at cleanup (now if only he’d exercise that not around your family lol). Hes handing out the foil, helping empty garbage cans, etc: yeah hes invited back, your family is impressed

yeah now hes tired, its dark its late and as yall are walking back to the car, he offers a squeeze to your hand. “Thank you for inviting me. I had fun.” He also loved seeing you being unapologetically black and you and not having to code switch and yeah he fell in love right then and there at the bright smiles and just pure joy (hes not gonna tell you that part tho, maybe if your sleep and he thinks you cant hear but don’t hold your breath on him voicing that)

bonus: he helped (kinda) with whatever dish you made. He also brought the extra foil, because he didn’t wanna fuck up and bring something stupid 

bonus: your fam like “ooo you should bring us a Japanese dish next time” and yeah he takes something osamu made and claims its his and that he made it all while you look at him like 🤨 knowing damn well-

[kill-ie]

Here have some rather odd threats

I will swallow your leg

i will liquify your eyeballs and make you drink your eye juice

i will cut the webbing between your finger with a rusty knife and make you lick up the blood

i will replace your stomach with a small black whole and cause your body to slowly implode and be crushed from the inside out

sit down before i bash your empty head with 39 spoons and a fucking bible

i will literally rip every bone out of your body and turn it to jello then force feed it to you

i will turn you into a fucking potato and play soccer with you till i get bored and feed you to a pig if you say that again

i am going to shove a butternut squash so far down your throat your stomach will start reciting the bible

i am going to chop your hands off, turn them into gloves and then strangle you with them on

i will skin you alive and wear you as a fursuit

i will boil your teeth

i will roast your ribs and sell them to the nearest chinese restaurant

im gonna dismember you for doubting me

i will shove you into the mc donalds toilet while eating my happy meal and pouring your protien shake over your head. i will then remove your teeth and use them in place of ice cubes. you will finish the tooth cola with toilet water and protien shake soaked head and shirt

i will skin you, and then i will melt your bones. i will then solidify them into one large cube, and then carve several sculptures of you. i will then throw said sculptures at your mother, and say "that was a pretty good joke you made, have several of the same one so it becomes overused and never funny again, like most dad jokes

shut the fuck up before i turn your dick inside out with a peeler

who's stopping me from finding your house and pissing in your frudge huh

i will break out your third vertebrae and use it as a cock ring

i will turn your ribs inside out

i will double the amount of bones in your body

i will turn you inside out

i swear to god ping everyone here again i'll fucking get a rusty spoon and scoop your fucking eye goop out then shove it up your fucking anud with a shit of hydrolic acid

i am going to use temporal manipulation to age you into a boomer so your body is too old and frail to stop me from chopping you up into square shaped pieces and building a mini minecraft house with your body

i'll fucking disect you and put your brain into three frogs

i will teleport into your fucking driveway and piss on your car before entering your house and filling your entire fucking prostate with ranch cum

i will rip your hands off your body in your sleep

i'll horribly crop your entire body

i will build a chair out of your bones

fuck off or i will make you shit your own teeth like kidney stones

i will find your house, burst into your bathroom while you are showering and fill your sinuses with cement

i'll send peppa pig to suck you off

i will shoot a hole in your hand and use it as a fleshlight

i hope you accidentally put water in your frosted flakes

shut the fuck up before i sew your mouth shut with your computer wires

i will not hesitate to fill your fleshlight with thumbtacks

i will crack your dick like a glowstick

shut the fuck up or i'll rip out your spinal cord while you are sleeping

i will grind your bones into hot chocolate

i will serve some of your cock for thanksgiving instead of turkey

i will personally fucking shove your spinal cord up your arse and rip it out so you'll spin like a damn bayblade if you dont shut the fuck up

i will bisect your testicles and make salad out of your skin

i will literally shove your remote up your ass so deep you gotta bite down to switch the channel

i will literally rip your toenails off one by onr and shove them up your ass and then shove a chalkboard coated dildo up there so you know what the sound of nails on a chalkboard sounds like echoing in the empty chambers of your lower intestine

then feel the wrath of a thousand suns, the weight of the earth, moon and stars will strike you down with such force and accuracy that you will know no ending to the suffering. your sins will follow you to hell, and at deaths grave repose, you will have no eulogy, no mourning will be done that day. only celebration, instead, those that you knew in life will dance on your sodden amd accursed grave, your rotting corpse will be the subject of jeers and laughter. jokes, numerous in nature will be made at your expense, misery and hatred will be had at you in hell where you belong, lucifer himself will make great amusement of torturing your decrepit and downtrodden soul into the vast eternity of ever moving time

i will fill your garden with uncooked pasta and play the saxaphone with your spine

i will personally unbraid your DNA from the inside

i'll use your mouth to make instant noodles

i'm gonna line a treadmill with sand paper and grind your teeth on it

i will swallow your organs like a fine cuisine

i will glue your hair to a pocket rocket and send your scalp to space

i will scramble your kidney and feed it to you on a biscuit

i will find you and eat your fridge

if you do that one more time i will inhale your vocal cords

i hope you get strapped to a chair and forced to listen to jar jar binks playing the recorder for the rest of the decade, fed with a single slice of bread for each meal

if you dare fucking talk again i will rip out your urethra and use it as a belt

i'll cut you with a kitchen utensil only master chefs have heard of

i will turn you into a desert and the blood that pumps through your being will be the sand that keeps the desert dead

i will use your forearms as chopsticks to consume your kneecaps

im gonna put spider eggs in the corner of your mouth where you cant reach

i will cut your fucking vocal cord and then make you fucking eat it

i will deep fry your eyelashes and put them in a salad which i'll force feed you, while simultaneously shoving your own foot so far up your ass it gets lodged in your throat so you choke on deep-fried eyelash salad and foot

i’m redirecting the income of my platonic love for you to my pillow

i will rip out your large intestine, fry it in diet orange powerade and wrap it around the christmas tree

i shall turn you into a microwaved burrito

i’ll bash you over the head with a femur

your mum should have eaten you as a baby when your bones were still soft

if you dont stop, imma go to medical school, spend hella cash and several years to gain my license and become a doctor so i can surgically open her chest, fill the entire body with beans and seal it shut without her dying

i will find you and slowly fill your room with crickets

i will boil your teeth then i will fill your ears with concrete and your sinuses with urine followed by an inversion of your ribcage that will end your judgementalist life. and i may or may not harvest your toes and then fillet your tongue

this shit makes me wanna boil my teeth and use ur skin as a fursuit

if yall can think of more pls add some

edit: more added

[dickie-gayson]

guess what it’s Doctor Mid-Nite loving hour again!

‘but wait! Dickie didn’t u make a Mid-Nite appreciation post recently??’

ur goddamn right i did and ur damn skippy im making another bcus Pieter Cross is literally a saint and i LOVE him. yall!! gonna!! see!! him!!!

for real tho, pls at least humor me and take a look at some things he’s done bcus he’s not just a great superhero - he’s a genuinely good man that works so hard to help everyone around him. like highkey id cuff him if i was given even a split second of a chance and i dont even do relationships. he’s just that genuinely kind-hearted. (Dinah u missed out, girl)

here’s some shit he’s done just as regular Pieter Cross:

1. He treats sex-workers with genuine respect 

and goes out of his way to make sure they’re staying healthy and gives them free condoms to make sure they’re protected. he even comments that he wants to help them stay in business by making sure they’re safe bcus he understands that they’re just making a living and there’s nothing wrong with that. he doesn’t grandstand or judge them or try to change what they do. he accepts them for who they are and treats them kindly. like i dare you to list other heroes who go out of their way to do this on the regular. he does this shit daily.

2. He takes part in a safe needle exchange. 

He understands that not all addicts are going to quit and those that try likely can’t quit cold turkey and that trying to do so can be super dangerous. he doesn’t posture or insist they stop using right then and there or any of that shit. He provides clean, free needles so that those using are using safely bcus above EVERYTHING he genuinely fucking cares for each and every human. he doesn’t judge. he understands. like Mr Terrific said, his greatest attribute is his compassion. he wants to help those addicted to drugs while also making sure they’re being safe in the process. he wants to help them get better and be healthy in whatever way he can.

(there was another panel where it’s mentioned he provides clean needles but i forgot to save it and idr which issue it was in)

3. He operates a free clinic. 

Mind you: he’s a world-class doctor who graduated from Harvard Med at 19. He chooses to operate a free clinic and even has a website to offer free advice. He never got into the profession for money (it’s actually mentioned he’ll throw his money around willy-nilly to help others). And it’s said time and time again that he’s a bleeding heart who thinks he can change the world himself. He’s called the ‘Midnight Doctor’ bcus he makes nightly rounds through the impoverished neighborhoods offering free care and supplies to those in need. He helps ppl without hesitation or a second-thought. It’s actually garnered him quite a bit of local loyalty bcus he’s just...so fuckin kind. ppl turn around and try to help him when he needs it.

4. He doesn’t judge. 

As mentioned in early points he legit does not judge anyone. like...ever. Not unless they’re foul, cruel human beings who hurt others. In that case, he’ll prob try to fight them for being terrible. other than that? he never judges a person for the way they live or what they’ve done. drugs, sex work, poor self-care, impoverished, etc. none of that matters. he looks into the hearts of people. also he always asks if he can help someone. 

These next ones are just fun bcus i straight laughed at these panels. 

 5. A little oblivious. 

He’s a genuis and a goddamn angel but by god if he isn’t a lil obtuse some times. he shows up in a lady's apartment in the middle of the night looking like a whole-ass villain about to monologue and has the gall to act shocked that she screams and runs right into his bigass friend that looks like a bodyguard/goon. imo it’s bcus he legit forgot that there are really shitty ppl in the world and popping up in random houses looks sketchy af.

honestly Pieter wtf did u expect to happen. ur lucky she even trusted ur ass after that. must be all the Saintly Vibes he gives off (btw for those curious she has a rare medical condition and uses an illegal and dangerous drug to cope. he saw her at a drug deal so he popped up at her house to offer his help)

6. Kinda goofy

and Not Awesome at the whole ‘secret identity’ thing tbh. at least not at the beginning. these are just mild and tiny things i zeroed in on like a fuckin hawk. He has medical stationery with his superhero name on it. what a goddamn NERD. i LOVE it. also when he became Doctor Mid-Nite he immediately told like...4-5 ppl?? he’s SUPER trusting like that. tbh his Norwegian accent prob doesn’t help since he was living in Oregon at the time. also that free medical advice site he runs?? that’s run as Doctor Mid-Nite lmaoo Imagine going onto the internet and getting medical advice from a goddamn superhero. That’d be so sick.

(It reads: 

From the Desk of Doctor Mid-Nite

Take three creeps & lock them up forever! 

Doctor Mid-Nite)

what a cornball, im in L O V E.

These boys stole the groceries from a little girl and he swooped in like a fuckin Nightmare to scare the shit out of them and chide them for stealing. Then what does he do???? he walks the little girl home with her bag of groceries and insists they eat healthily and stay well while still in full superhero gear. that lil girl calls him her friend without a second of hesitation. im weak help. 

Panels from: Doctor Mid-Nite Issues #1 & 3 (mostly 1).

[marvelandimagine]

New Beginnings (part two)

SO I am stupid rusty but I’m gonna take a swing at this bc I was bored at work and started reading my old fics and was like dang I kind of really like this one??

so basically plz take pity on me it’s been awhile LEAVE FEEDBACK AND I’LL LOVE U FOREVER this was gonna be a two part but it’s gonna be three oooOoooo the suspense

also tagging some lovelies from like a year ago who liked part one IM BACK YALL hope u lovelies see this and read lmk if it’s not trash<3 @nuvoleincielo @bengaligrl @wintersoldier9 @heatherpotter @deanskitten

-

You glance down and beam at your stomach, eyes glistening with emotion. 

“You are quite possibly the best thing to ever enter my life.”

“Y/N, you are literally carrying our firstborn child right now.”

The table echoes with laughter as you grin at Bucky next to you, tousling his hair before shoveling a massive forkful of maple-glazed sweet potatoes into your mouth, the bowl balanced perfectly on your protruding belly.

You swallow and rub your stomach happily

“True, but they haven’t officially arrived yet! And besides,” you reply, shifting the tureen off you and replacing it with four buttered Hawaiian rolls nestled in a cloth napkin,

“What kind of mother would deny her baby the wonders of Thanksgiving? And Doc said I should be getting vitamin A in, so it’s a win-win.”

“Good listening,” Bruce says with a smile before moving to return to his plate casting a bemused look around the table at he catches Tony wolfing down a stolen scoop of stuffing.”

“All’s fair in love and Turkey Day, Banner.” 

While the science bros begin to banter, you tear off a piece of the sweet roll and pop it in your mouth, savoring the flavor that permeates your senses much more deeply thanks to the physical upheaval that is pregnancy. Despite all the tough parts about it, though, you have enjoyed what you’ve referred to as your “culinary Spidey senses.”

You pat your tummy, smiling as you feel a gentle shift beneath your fingers. Your fingers are soon joined by another, larger pair that interlaces with yours with ease, and you turn your smile toward your husband.

“What’s up?”

Bucky’s returned  smile comes and goes in a flash before adopting the look of concern that you’ve grown to love/hate these past nine months, causing you to take a deep inhale. After his previous trepidation and insecurity, you were thrilled that he had become so dedicated to impending parenthood -- reading books constantly, getting excited over baby clothes and toys and helping with the shower registry, designing and building the nursery with help from Stark -- but he was almost too involved at times, hovering over you like a mother hawk. It was sweet at first, but you had to put your foot down when he said he’d wait for you outside the bathroom. 

“I”M PREGNANT, NOT DISABLED, BUCK!” you had yelled down the hall in frustration. And while he backed off slightly, he still couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something would go wrong, that he wouldn’t be able to be who you needed -- and who your child needed.

So, even with hormonal outbursts, you had been the mostly calm one in the pregnancy, consistently reassuring Bucky that you were ok and that he was being an absolutely wonderful source of support. So your own fears got pushed inward, knowing that while you had always dreamed of having your own baby, it was still a new dream for your husband -- and he was worried he would let both of you down.

But now, as you were due in mere weeks, those anxieties were bubbling to the surface.

Bucky lowers his voice in an effort to obscure his words under the din of chattering Avengers.

“You want to go lie down upstairs doon? I know you said you were feeling tired earlier and you need to stay rest-”

“You think I don’t know that?” you snap and Bucky looks taken aback at your tone, but his wounded look just angers you further, months of frustration pulsing in your veins. “Am I not allowed to sit and have 30 damn minutes of not worrying about vitamins or exercises or breathing or, you know, that I’m freaking out about probably needing a C-section and that any tiny choice I’ve made in the past nine months will have impacted our baby in ways we might not understand or know about for years?”

You realize that the voices around you have stopped, and it only makes the stinging in your eyes burn more, obscuring your vision until Bucky’s blue eyes are just blurs of color and your voice cracks from the strain.

“You don’t think every waking moment that I’ve had has been about wondering if I’m not doing enough, if I’m doing this right? But I can’t take one more second of being told what to do until I am there on that table. Especially from you -- and I’ve let you because I know it makes you feel better, but fuck, did you ever stop to think how I needed to feel better? That just because I had wanted this for a really long time doesn’t mean I’m not scared?”

The silence around the table sinks into you like stone while embarrassment and guilt flood your face. You stand up, pushing in your chair and wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

Bucky comes back into focus and seeing the hurt on his face, hurt that you just gave because you couldn’t just suck it up for a few more weeks, pushed you over.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, backing away from the table, roughly pushing in your chair and breaking into a half jog to the hall.

“Y/N, wait.”

Bucky’s gravelly tone wavers and it pushes you faster, even more as you hear his hurried steps behind you. With one hand on your stomach and the other reaching out for the key code, you fly into your room, scooping up a blanket from the floor and enveloping it around you, shutting out everything but your muffled sobs and the sudden kicks inside your own skin, this tiny pulse of life deepening your cries as you think about who you created with, and the look on his face when you, essentially, voiced what you knew he’d take as what he feared the most: that he wasn’t able to be there for you.

[wherethewordsare]

In which Q and Felix Leiter are a Thing

- James Bond is gone. Obviously Q was wrong to think he would ever have been the one to keep him. But damn he had to try.

- Q throws himself into his work to forget about Bond but Spectre is still at large as a collection and it turns out that Bond was complete shit about reporting his findings when he was supposed to be on suspension, go fucking figure.

- They have to call someone in. Someone Bond worked with who knew at least a bit about the case in some capacity.

- Enter one CIA Agent Felix Leiter

- Felix is charming if not a bit odd and he constantly flirts with Q. Openly and without apology.

- Q is having none of it. He’s done the whole agent thing before and he’s not about to go sticking his finger in that socket again.

- Since Felix hits the tarmac in London, the rain hasn’t stopped and going down into Q Branch only makes it feel even dingier. At least that is how he explains it when he sets a vase of sunflowers on Q’s desk.

- Q is having none of it…. But the sunflowers stay.

- What he is having, however, is that he has sent Felix out into the field four times and he didn’t knock over any buildings and all of his equipment is still intact.

- “You see? Even the American can return equipment!”

- “What? Hey!”

- The cowboys boots.

- Yall, listen. The cowboy boots. Felix has been in London for about 3 weeks when Q comments on those damn boots. What does my man, Felix do? Show up in more outlandish cowboy boots with more sunflowers.

- Felix brings Q coffee which Q hates but he doesn’t have the heart to correct him.

- Tanner intervenes though, discreetly taking the coffee from Felix’s hand and pushing a cup of tea into instead.

- Felix lands himself a dinner. They order pints and talk about rugby and American football and how Felix won’t be home for Thanksgiving and how Q has never had a turkey that was fried.

- Q lets Felix walk him home.

- Felix never breaks into Q’s flat looking for him or just drops by unannounced. Q is pleased by this.

- Felix will explain to Q later that he was seriously intimidated by Q and still is.

- Q thinks it’s because of James and Felix laughs. “Not at all, Sunshine.” They’re curled up in Q’s flat watching Gene Kelly convince this young woman to sing. “It was you! You and that Einstein brain of yours. And he'll press a kiss to Q's temple. "I came in that first day and I saw you operating that drone and your face... You looked like the world wasn't about to stop you."

- Felix calls Q Sunshine because it’s been raining since he landed in England and Q is the only bright spot. It makes Q’s stomach swoop.

- Q finds himself hosting Thanksgiving and Felix cooking.

- He won’t let Felix fry the turkey in the flat so they compromise and Felix is let into an empty gun range to fry his turkey.

- No one uses that gun range for a month because it makes everyone hungry since it still smells like fried turkey.

- Cornbread is a thing and Mallory snatches up that recipe so quick, Q eyes just about whirl

- Felix makes biscuits and sausage gravy once and Q is just “What is this witchcraft?”

- “You fry like a Scotsman…” as Q shovels fried eggs onto his slightly overdone toast.

- “Thank you, Sunshine”

- Their affair is a short one but one that is full of laughs and gentle teasing and a lot of things Q thought he would never get a chance to feel again.

- After eight months Felix has to return to the states but they leave on a good note and stay in touch.

- They even visit whenever the other is in the area of the other one. This means Q will fly down from DC when he goes for a conference and Felix will make sure any of his trips East, he has a layover in London for at least 8 hours.

- It’s a kind of soft love that is in the moment and is fulfilling in a way Q never had with Bond.

- Felix still sends Q sunflowers when he knows it’s raining in London.

- And Q sends Felix a pair of cowboy boots with suns embossed into the leather

- Eventually they each move on in their own way, but look back at the time they had together with fondness.

[kidsviral-blog]

The Game and fans attack ‘racist’ ‘hoe’ Malkin; threaten rape & death

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/the-game-and-fans-attack-racist-hoe-malkin-threaten-rape-death/

The Game and fans attack ‘racist’ ‘hoe’ Malkin; threaten rape & death

http://twitter.com/#!/thegame/status/279400916757671936

Let’s try and decipher this for standard English-speaking people. Rapper The Game is urging his followers to boycott something called “Fox News 11,” as well as Twitchy founder and columnist Michelle Malkin (or someone else named “Michlle” — it’s a little confusing).

RT @thegame: #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 & @michllemalkin !!!!!! RT- Skee we cant let them continue to accept this !!!

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

Why the boycott? It must be because of the Twitchy post calling attention to The Game’s cover for his new CD, “Jesus Piece,” which many people found blasphemous in its conflation of Catholic, gang and drug-related imagery. (Both SPIN and Entertainment Weekly thought it kind of sucked, too, so you’d better boycott them for being RAAACIST, too.)

ICYMI: ‘Jesus Piece’: Have you seen the cover of @thegame ‘s new album? If you criticize it, you’re RAAACIST ==> twitchy.com/2012/12/11/jes…

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

#BOYCOTT @michellemalkin NOW ! She’s racist, & makin racial & blasphemist comments about my album. Same b!$&% said Obama isnt AMERICAN RT

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

Sorry, Twitchy readers, you can’t love both Michelle and The Game. It’s time to choose. These people have chosen … poorly.

Just got off work & don’t even know what is going on but since @thegame said it mannnn f*ck fox #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 & @michllemalkin !!!!!! RT

— Kandyce A (@Babigyrl757) December 14, 2012

@thegame LETS GOOOOO BOYCOTTE DAT BITCH DEN!!!!!

— BullY (@PurpGang_Bully) December 14, 2012

what happen at THE KKK NEWS RT @thegame: #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 & @michllemalkin !!!!!! RT

— ♓♓The Smooth One♓♓ (@amynerdhouse) December 14, 2012

@thegame what did that oriental 👲 troll say now??

— Sexist $auc3 (@LocalJokerSauce) December 14, 2012

Why!!!????, lol we all wanna know RT @thegame: #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 & @michllemalkin !!!!!! RT

— LosThaGreat (@Clos8508) December 14, 2012

@thegame being racist on national Tele about, she definitely a stupid hoe #boycottfoxnews11

— Pablo (@TomBonner4) December 14, 2012

RT @thegame: #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 & @michllemalkin !!!!!! RT lockerz.com/s/268758892

— Indio (@Indeeyoo) December 14, 2012

(File photo courtesy of MSNBC.)

#BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 what exactly happen? Anyone kno?

— YoungPicasso(@FlowBeatz805) December 14, 2012

No! Nobody knows! Let’s make something up.

https://twitter.com/Caramel_Smoke/status/279414670010507265

RT @nipseyhussle #BoycottFoxNews11 @myfoxla @michellemalkin !!!! RACISM CANNOT BE TOLERATED ANY LONGER !!!!! #TakeAStand2013

— Quinn / Mr Hilarious (@Quinton_Harris) December 14, 2012

The album @michellemalkin HATES po.st/XoKDYm ! Since u following me, u might as well download it & drop it low to #5 #ThankMeLater

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

.@thegame Pffft. What do you know about respect? Every other word out of your mouth is “bitch.”

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

RT @michellemalkin: .@thegame Pffft. What do you know about respect? Every other word out of your mouth is “bitch.” – appropriate for YOU.

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

.@thegame Aw, what’s wrong — is your trashy album not selling? Not afraid of you or your race-baiting misogynist gangstas.

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

Ah! Turns out Malkin hates The Game’s new album (which is available from the handy iTunes link in his tweet) — and The Game’s fans have a zero-tolerance policy on hate. No, they won’t stand for it.

Who the hell this bitch @michellemalkin think she is talking shit about #JesusPiece by @thegame?! Thats the best album of the year you bitch

— JJ Gonzalez (@_JayJayG) December 14, 2012

@thegame @michellemalkin stupid bitch u fucking with the game

— cashin out (@yunqDimond) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin but i bet you would fuck @thegame if you got the chance you. Even conservitive cunt likes rappers

— Brody Warnica (@BrodyWarnica) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin racist cunt 🙂

— Kyle L. Jackson(@KushKyle) December 14, 2012

@thegame goin hard at @michellemalkin .put that bitch in her place !!👋👋👋

— A.Hayek (@Ah_EqualsMoney) December 14, 2012

Bitch? Hoe? Damn, we just downloaded “Jesus Piece” and now the president’s calling on the Sandra Fluke hotline.

HOE HOE HOE! RT @th3realsam @thegame @michellemalkin fuck that racist Asian looking hoe! #JesusPiece is the album of the year

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

Are you threatening me, fool? NOTED. RT @therealgreeley @thegame @meekmill fuck this @michellemalkin bitch up

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

Good for you! You fit it all in one tweet. RT @dannygates772@michellemalkin stupid asian cunt bitch GTFO ! @thegame

— Michelle Malkin (@michellemalkin) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin hey would you care to have a piece of the cunt cake? I couldn’t possibly eat it all

— Eric Weber (@DaReal_LiLB0N3R) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/jshuldoe/status/279414535029391360

@michellemalkin DOES NOT DESERVE THE RIGHT TO DISCRIMINATE !! EVERYONE HELP @thegame #BoycottFoxNews11 !!!!

— CRAZY HORSE DEC 21ST (@JohnBOfficial) December 14, 2012

In other news: @thegame just killed @michellemalkin career! Ha #DontMessWitCali

— Meechy (@RealCaliMeech) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin shut the fuck up about @thegame … Game don’t listen to her racist ass

— Elias Mansour (@EliassMansour) December 14, 2012

FUCK @michellemalkin and her lanky faggot ass, i fucked your dad bitch

— yung turkey (@samfuckingwalsh) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin Hahahahaha you stupid bitch! I hope you get the hands.

— Amram tendog (@DangerHeebrew69) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin wins the racist cunt of the year

— Piff_Huxtable (@Piff_Huxtable) December 14, 2012

http://twitter.com/swaggg_26/statuses/279429839574941696

@thegame I wanna see the video

— Jorge Cano (@ilovejorgee) December 14, 2012

The video? You mean the video of Michelle Malkin delivering her racist rant against The Game on “FOXNEWS11?” Yeah, we’re kind of curious to see that too, but 1) we’re BOYCOTTING FOXNEWS11!!!!!! And 2) it doesn’t exist! Whatever. Take a stand, starting in January!

#BOYCOTTFOXNEWS11 @myfoxla & @michellemalkin NOW !!!! End their constant RACIST pledge against everything URBAN !!! #TakeAStand2013

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

Are you all going to be sorry when the feminists on the Left read these misogynistic tweets! They don’t play.

Hi ladies, you may want to see and comment on how @thegame is advocating violence against women right now. Sickening.

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) December 14, 2012

.@thegame Why are you perpetuating violence against women?

— Tabitha Hale (@TabithaHale) December 14, 2012

Ladies of all political persuasions I ask you: do you find it acceptable the violence @thegame is advocating against women right now?

— Dana Loesch (@DLoesch) December 14, 2012

Update:

Let’s see how The Game addresses some of the threats he’s incited. Will it be a condemnation or a retweet?

https://twitter.com/ThinkDean/statuses/279422026513514496

LMAO sumbody tol her they were gonna rape her RT @phillytheboss: Lmfaoooo @michellemalkin mentions.

— Chris Stone (@DirkDiggler86) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/TheRealGreeley/statuses/279414852827619328

https://twitter.com/Omargaribay8/statuses/279428323233394688

http://twitter.com/DannyGates772/statuses/279429152069804033

@michellemalkin dame bitch u dum af u just sign ur own death certificate

— CFACE3K©(@gRiNDnOW_10) December 14, 2012

RT @theliluminati: @michellemalkin you will be sacrificed for your absurd comments regarding @thegame – Killuminatti !!! Fuck yall too

— Handsome Ass Nigga (@thegame) December 14, 2012

Oh, dear:

https://twitter.com/KashKartel_Curt/status/279453585002078208

Stay classy, Gamers:

@michellemalkinWhen will you stop sucking the GOP dick, its run’n dry yet u CUNTinue to do so.

— Rubin Rios(@RcubedRRR) December 14, 2012

This bitch hating on @thegame and his album #JesusPiece @michellemalkin go suck a dick

— $Money$ MagicMan✅ (@magicmanzahid) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin shut up slut …. eat a dick

— Taylor Swift (@RealJeffLee) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin you should choke on a dick for talking shit about @thegame‘s new album.

— Samuel Ayala (@SnotrBeWittit) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin I would fuck the shit out of you. You look like you can take some hard dick

— Andre (Gods child) (@TorontoKing33) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin Racist Bitch U r dumb as fuck keep digging a deeper hole. Just Shut Up Already n learn ya lesson #Scared@thegame #FuckFox

— JadaKilla (@Two_Strainz) December 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/crazyBonez5/status/279464786255810561

@michellemalkin New Hated Bitch On The Web!!!!!!!

— Mario Rivera (@RMARIOOOOO) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin What the fuck would you know about “good”…..you hateful, misguided, angry little bitch.

— justin azzaro (@jjazzaro) December 14, 2012

Ayo @michellemalkin me love you long time

—80zBaby (@michaelhopeles) December 14, 2012

Animals:

https://twitter.com/Ti90_Medic/status/279462839863881728

People are out there to murderrrrrr! Talk shit bout a gangsta rapper, n u gon get ur head sliced. Cc @michellemalkin

— sue nrora (@suebaibe) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin Bitch u r worthless shit. Eat a dick with aids on the tip.

— UNCLE YAhyA (@yahyashika) December 14, 2012

Update:

The vile attacks continued Friday morning with no condemnation from The Game.

@michellemalkinDO YOU TAKE IT IN THE ASS . Coz I wanna shovel it inside yo ass .@thegamedat hoe Cray

— TonyTroid (@xD_BoyTony) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin SUCK A DICK BITCHH!! FUCK FOX 11 NEWS AND YOU BITCH, NOBODY FUCKS WITH @thegameFUCKIN GATHER YOURSELF YOU HOE!!

— EDIK KARAPETYAN (@DEEK212) December 14, 2012

Racist cunt @michellemalkin go suck some gangnam style

— C H I E F™ (@Nasty_Chuck) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkin Since u so racist on TV….Ya death should be televised

— Pyrex Nitty (@PYREXNITTY) December 14, 2012

@thegame I’m a Muslim and ima tell @michellemalkin to go kill her self don’t fuck wit my nigga

— moodietears (@moodietears) December 14, 2012

@michellemalkinwhat am sayin you need to suck a black cock before you die . Just sayin

— TonyTroid (@xD_BoyTony) December 14, 2012

Shockah: The Game also failed to address the misogynist threats he incited during an early morning interview with DJ Skee. He did, however, make time to pimp his crusade to #BoycottFoxNews11 due to Malkin’s “racism.”

VIDEO: @thegame responds to @michellemalkin and explains his movement to #BOYCOTTFOXNEWS exclusively to @djskee @skeetv skeetv.com/post/378975181…

— DJ Skee (@djskee) December 14, 2012

The Game can #BoycottFoxNews11 all he wants, but if he wants to escape repulsive racist attacks, he’ll have to boycott his own Twitter mentions.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/12/13/fox-news-michelle-malkin-brace-for-mass-exodus-of-viewers-as-the-game-urges-boycott/

[boyshoujo]

u don't even know me but u already kno me and my personality?? wow u must be a sorcerer.................. but im indeed problematic, and ummm i don't like filet o fish??? i hate her but we go to mcdonald's almost everyday and im forced to eat something so it's the only choice i have........ the meat and chicken at mcdonald's tastes like plastic but that damn fish tastes REAL!!! she isn't fake..............

yea Whatever….. a few days ago u told me that “filet of fish gives [you] emotional support” ???? but when i out u suddenly u hate her??? what’s the truth :/

what’s wrong with hadaka shitsuji???? its a funny game!!! don’t u like the main character tomoaki?? he’s the only good main character ive ever seen in my life and he’s a sadistic bitch??? i love sadistic binches cuz they are like me!!! i felt like “i” was in the game when i saw him, he killed everybody and i was proud of this ugly fuck cuz thats what i would do if i was in this game,,,,,,,,,, i would do more fucked up things than him but anyway, i don’t like fedoras!!!!! i just like that dude-

LFSJLKFSJKSF bceuacuse IT’s A BAD GAME!!!!!!!! ITS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually you remind me of tomoaki???? a lot???? gotta add that to ur callout list……………

-cuz he’s funny and btw he’s the one wearing a purple jacket and his name is hashizuka and that fake loser who is a cheap version of sergei is called junichi :/ and tbh i send u furry asks cuz ur the only one who accepts me for who i really am,,,,,,,,, like i sent some arcana blogs some asks about fucking a fictional goose and a donut kink and they just said “what the fuck” and ehh they’re so serious?? like chill its just a joke jfc sharon :/ i go to their pathetic edgy blogs and this is how they treat me???? i just wanted to cheer ur edgy ass up sharon don’t act like ur 70 dammit just accept a joke lol

LFKSKFSJK bicht i’m literally 0.00039 seconds into the game u rec’d and???? /?? ??? literally ALL of the guys r pathetic???? they go to a school called Charming Cherries lFKJLF AAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT IS THIS does this mean the principal guy is a Veteran Cherry…………………..binch…. that’s Why he wears a fedora………………………………..i accidentally picked the annoying know-it-all guy so i’ll go for him first and then mayb try the ceo guy……dONUT KINK,,,,,,,,,,,,,, , > >>>???/ ??/ ?? ??? ?? no offense but i’d be like ???????????? GET OUTTA MY INBOX???????? HOW DARE U COME IN AND DISRESPECT MY BRAND LIKE THIS??? ?? ?? ?? ? ………….anyways i wanna hear about the donut kink LOLIKR!!!!!!! !  ! i hate people who r too serious………………………i mean…. im actually p serious Tbh but some people on this website can’t take jokes????? i saw a shitpost where this person was like “some of yall need 2 get mugged lol” and people were like “why do u want people to suffer so bad??? SHOULD I JUST DIE THEN!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE!!!!” and im like …………… wtf chill Ashley lmao………

i feel like if i ever met u we would be the best friends ever?? actually i would be the one who’s crying cuz we both have the same taste?? ik a lot of characters like segrei and vincent so if u want me to tell u their names im gonna say it in another ask, and i like how u don’t judge me unlike all of my new friends ;^( i had a friend in middle school in 7 grade and i told her a lot of weird shit and she didn’t judge me??? she was a true friend indeed……………….

give me more sergei characters 👏👏👏👏 also DW im deFINITELY JUDGING YOU LMAO but im amused and laughing at the same time?? sometimes u send me asks and im like ???? ????? ? ?? ?? ?? ? ? ????????wtf lmao ? ??? ?

im sure if we talked more ur gonna find out that we’re literally friend-mates= 2 lonely binches who got the same taste in fictional character and idk but we would be the best bff’s ever tbh?? ur the friend who i have been searching for years?? everyone finds my thirst and my “weeaboo” ass (although im not a fuckin weeaboo im just thirsty for fictional characters!!) too weird and they always say “u can’t take ANYTHING seriously!!” like?? im 5???? why should i take anything seriously?? im not 70??

gfgfg bicth? i don’t even know anything about you, how can we be friends!!!!! WHO ARE YOU!! ! !! ! we should make a Lonely Bitch club but the requirements to enter are: do u play otome? would u body slam lucio into the pavement??? would u fuck the goth fish from finding nemo?? r u a thirsty ho????

i thought u would say “she’s a thot lol” and u would agree with me that she’s a thot??? if we didn’t know each other im trying to know her??? im trying to be friends with her????? how am i going to be friends with her if i didn’t talk to her?? fuck that shitty book??? im more important???? im sure she can read that damn book at her home and not in school!!!!!!! she should study like the rest of us………. and she shouldn’t study HER book!!!!!!!!!!!!

JKSJLSJKSJF i just realized, all of my friendships w/ virgos happened bc they woULDNT STOP TALKING/BOTHERING ME LOL this is why i love virgos…………. ur like stray cats that just never stop meowing until u let them in……maybe u should bother her more FKLSJFKJFS and she’ll finally crack

if i ever tried to read a book it should have pictures in it cuz i don’t want to imagine all that shit by myself!!!!!!! just add a fucking picture jfc…………….. i was exactly like that when i was a kid and im still the same??? i haven’t changed much tbh and im glad???? im glad i still have that silly trait of mine lol 

no offense but READ?????????? imagining things is fun??????????????? books r so much fun????????? wtf???rn im reading a book about some ugly french guy from the 18th century with a Superhuman sense of smell who kills girls to make The Ultimate Perfume or whatever?? im barely like 50 pages in, but he killed his first girl?? and literally shoved his nose up her ass?? it was wild?????? books r wild??????

we’re going to study about christopher columbus this year and his ugly face is in my book???? like bitch why u gotta curse my book with ur disgusting face???? im going to roast this bitch when we get to his part in the book and everyone is going to ask me: “binch y are u angry???” and im like “why don’t u do some fuckin research sharon abt this ugly fuck and then ur going to understand why im angry” like get out of my book u lil bitch!!!!!!! that dam book is cursed now!!!!!!!

👏👏👏 END HIm

I LIKE TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER TOO!!!!! im just kidding but what’s ur favorite season???? mine is winter cuz uhhhh its winter???? everyone who hates winter is canceled??? lucio loves summer and is canceled????

fall-winter???? bc halloween…….. and american thanksgiving is fucked up bc it essentially celebrates the genocide of native americans but tbh……..i love turkey…… (we eat roast turkey and mashed potatoes n pumpkin pie n stuff for thanksgiving)also i just love it when the weather gets colder??? i get to dress up??? and be fashionable??? when it’s hot, all i wear are t shirts and shorts which is Boring it doesn’t snow where i live though lmao and it’s typically warm year-round where i live :/ winter is the only time i get to pull out all my cute sweaters and jackets but some winters only get cold for 2 weeks lmao :—–/

so you’re american right???? which means u have halloween rn??? or does it start on 31 if im not mistaken???? sadly we don’t have halloween here……………………………………………. they consider it “an event where people worship satan” here lmao

halloween is only one day (31st) SKJKSJ

i think its hot if batman would ever judge me

KSJKFSJFKLJFSK i;m gonna frame this ask Bye

[maggiemuggins-blog1]

2016 You.Did.Not.Break.Us.

(me unleashing the fuschia sparkle on new years eve and Princess Leia keeping it motherfucking real. RIP.)

Babes welcome to 2017. We made it through what was, for many of us, a shit-box of a year. Box after box, babes, just full of shit. We all just kept unpacking it and unpacking it. But we are here, the last carton full of crap has been delivered and, if you are reading this, you have hopefully emerged unscathed. I feel like a goddamn warrior slowly standing the fuck up after a serious, didn’t know if I would make it, battle. 2016 babes, she was a doozy. for me personally, for nearly everyone I know, my community at large, and the planet, specifically. For real, babes, 2016 unleashed a bag of dicks upon humanity and I for one am ready to put those dicks back where they belong: on the internet quietly jerking off to shit they find on Reddit.

  And now here we are in 2017. ‘Who knows what this year will hold’ feels pretty goddamn ok to me. I’m not gonna lie I get wooed by a new year. Feels like the world is full of possibility and that suits me. That said, I’m not really a fat babe who waxes philosophical about the new year, and goal setting, and intentionality. I’m down for however my fellow fats want to roll, and I’m not gonna lie, I get inspired by that shit all the time,  but y’all I’m still wearing my armour and I’m hopped up on the adrenaline rush of getting through 2016, and it just seems like maybe a bitchy, blaspheming, Fat Babe in full armour is just what we need to get through the fuckery that is January. I mean, babes, it is a month like none other for the spewing of body hating nonsense. It is the month where collectively the universe does that thing that I hate the most about office lunch rooms: atoning for the fun you had on the weekend by punishing yourself come Monday. Fuck. No.

Welcome to January. Had fun over the holidays? Saw people you love? Ate seconds at turkey dinner? Went out drinking with friends? Got sick by eating multiple boxes of tofifee? You didn’t think you could get away with just enjoying life did you? DID YOU? Don’t worry, January is here to disabuse you of that notion. January is here to say natural consequences are not enough, that you should be mixing that hangover with a hearty dose of shame. January is here to sell you lies about your body. January is here to distract you from the fact that we have some serious organizing to do in order to deal with the aftermath of 2016.  January is the fun police. January is a punk ass mother fucker and I have no time for that. So here I am, feeling ballsy as fuck for getting through 2016, and I think Ill just ride that feeling a little goddamn longer. Cause babes, we can gently, lovingly, and intentionally work our way through January by giving zero fucks about what she has to offer.

Looking hot as fuck while giving exactly none.

    6 ways to give zero fucks about January, her evil twin Fatphobia, and her kid sister, Capitalism

             Don’t drink the mother fucking Kool-Aid– do not be fooled. January is not about making changes. It is about making us feel so shitty that we buy stuff/memberships we are not actually gonna use. Once the ‘joyful xmas/xmas frenzy’ marketing strategy of December is behind us, the strategy switches gears to bring us the ol ‘buckle down/you are the worst’ strategy for January. In the same way that December manipulates, so too does January. And it is sneaky and, unfortunately, a part of the collective consciousness. It is at the dinner table, in our workplaces, and cozily wrapped in our hearts and minds. We confuse naming our hopes and desires for the year with guilt and the feeling that we have somehow cheated and must atone. We need to slow down that thinking to give it a closer look. Cause when we really think about it, we know what is real. We know that behaviour change is complicated and isn’t magically successful just because the year turned over. That is clearly bananas. I go to the gym every damn day and January is full of people ‘making a change’, but y’all, come February it is back to regulars. January is not about behaviour change, it is, like always, about consumption and capitalism. Babes, lets not get sucker punched by some gym trying to sell us a boxing class, yeah?

Make space – making space for reflection, goals, and hopes for the new year is a bomb ass thing to do – in January or when the fuck ever. Fat Babes, we deserve to take a minute, catch our breath and think about what we are proud of, what we wish we could do more of, and how we want to move in the world. So feel free to make some space in the world for yourself. Space that allows you to gently and kindly celebrate who you are and who the fuck you want to be. Sit down with a coffee, or tea, or whatever you drink, and think about how you honoured yourself last year and what you want to do to honour yourself this year. It may be cheesy as fuck but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good for you.

Take space- Babes, remind yourself of why you are worth rejecting the resolution, you are goddamn enough. Ima just say that again for the hell of it. You.Are.Enough. No one has the right to tell you to change, to suggest you improve, to tell you what would make you better. You are the only one who can do that for yourself. And only if you goddamn want to. So take space back from the toxic lunchroom chit chat, don’t attend family dinners that make you feel bad for eating, and go dark on social media if your feeds are all about body hating and diet talk. Resolve to take that space back for yourself. Go ahead. You deserve it.

Remember to breathe – Babes, if you had asked me 10 years ago if I would ever consider mindfulness to manage my anxiety, and my constant state of being emotionally over stimulated, I would have told you to take your junk science and get the hell out of my house. Today I can say that I was deeply wrong and for that I am sorry. If I can do nothing else but save other cranky dirt bags the time it took me to get over myself and try a thing that is super far outside my comfort zone, my work on this planet will be done. Look I get it. It is a stretch, a different way to heal from what many of us have been taught. And also, it seems kind of like the ol ‘take a bath and go for walks’ strategy to manage the deep traumatic ache of the planet. I mean exactly how many baths must one fat babe have to get rid of rape culture, hmmmmm? Self-care practices ain’t gonna convince brahs to change a damn thing. But babes, my logic was flawed and my attitude was shitty. And really, where has cynicism and detached irony got us anyways? If we are gonna be tackling this shit head on, if we are going to stand firm, if we are gonna protect each other, we need to breathe. We need those moments to store up a little flicker of energy and hope here and there. So whether it is a bath, or a walk, or shaking your ass on the dance floor, remember that you are storing up these tiny breaks so that you can face the world with an open heart and kindness while giving a total of zero fucks. Taking a breath to be in the present, to just be alive, and feel the wonder of that, is not twee (or like maybe just a little twee). It is living. I even have a fucking app that guides me through the whole practice of mindfulness. That is how hard-core I am now. An app. So whatever your version of breathing is, however you take space for yourself to be alive in your body do that now, cause we need it this time of year.

Move your body – Yall just cause I am opposed to having exercise sold to me under the guise of self-improvement/body hatred doesn. I love exercise and I even love the gym. If you can find a way to move your body in a way that celebrates it, then for shit sakes, go forth and move.

Eliminate diet talk- I did this for myself years ago and it is the total best. I started telling the people around me that I didn’t want to hear about diets or the ways they hate their body. I was ruthless in that I was all ‘look you can either stop talking about it around me or we can’t be friends. It is that important to me.’ I reminded my people that they can be celebrated for their diet talk by nearly EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD so surely they could just not around me. It worked. I had maybe one post on my feed about losing weight this January. That’s it. Feels good. Maybe that should be the resolution, y’all.

Babes, it turns out we can step into new things, and care about ourselves in loving ways, and swear like a sailor, and shit talk the clusterfuck that is January, and fight the fucking shitstorm of douchbaggery. From where I’m sitting, this year has literally nothing to do with diets and weight-loss workouts and EVERYTHING to do with loving our selves in a deep and real and fucking righteous way, and then getting out there to fight the misogyny, racism, white supremacy, and environmental injustice that is exploding extra all over North America. If our resolutions have nothing to do with fighting oppression and everything to do with fighting our bodies, well, babes, we are doing it all wrong. Don’t let vapid resolutions take up any brain space just cause your co-worker/sister-in-law/auntie/bestie is making bad choices. Make your body a safe and cherished place to come home to. Cause babes, it’s a riots not diets kinda year. Welcome to 2017.

Smooches.

  Stepping into 2017 like a Fat Babe does 2016 You.Did.Not.Break.Us. (me unleashing the fuschia sparkle on new years eve and Princess Leia keeping it motherfucking real.

[survivorwesteros]

Episode 8: Operation: If You Fuck With Me you're Dead - Nic

steffen, darian, yall really fucked me up. i am so mad right now. to be fucked over like this i know i considered voting out steffen earlier but i felt bad and went back on it but i feel so fucking mad and lied to and its stupid.

I'm SHOOK! IT WORKED 😂😂😂😂😂😂

ok so first you know we take off on our dragons cause you know DRAGONS FROM AN AUCTION, while at the fantastic meal place, I snag a vote stealer, cause lets face it, Id rather have control of that rather than anyone else so we get back to camp and Jordan wins immunity in basically a second, so yay another Jordan winning streak, but then we have a lot of down time until the vote, and right as Im ready to go to bed, Darian and Ashley message me saying we need to talk and I’m like, wtf I do now I was basically feeling like I just had a ice cream truck fall on me from the sky turns out I wooed them over to trusting me, and they revealed that Lily wanted my head, which shocked me cause I thought we were good, but in retrospect, I did vote her out before so not a suprise but turns out she had leaked her hit list to Darian and Ashley, going from me to brian to nic, with Andrew somewhere in there and you know while I was freaking out, Ashley and Darian were like wtf we do, so then we sorta came up with a vote split plan, and lets just say it revealed a lot it was super complicated but involved me lying to Nic, which we were kinda on even terms but like, when Darian was going over the plan with him, Nic wanted me out so at that point I knew I couldn’t trust him, following such theres been doubt put in my mind that Drew is in my best intentions and in fact was going to vote me out if not for his self vote, I mean it took a hell of a lot of prying to get him to admit that Lily was targeting me so whether he really wants to play with me is a question at this point But while we were gathering votes I discovered some real interesting information 

1. Jordan isn’t to be trusted in this game with me anymore, he went around trying to get me to vote Andrew and everyone else to vote me, and Brian was already hectic and scared so instead of telling him all the info about how Jordan told me Andrew, I played off that paranoia and bonded with Brian against Lily 

2. Luke, literally my secret spy to get me tea I love him, he basically came clean with all the Jordan tea of targeting me and it just was amazing 

3. Andrew I feel is closer to me than ever because I was there with him for a hard time, and I leaked info to him about Lily targeting him, and Jordan telling me to vote him out 

Basically I feel in an ok spot, the only people I have to be iffy about at this point is Nic, Drew and Jordan, and if I can somehow go about Jordan leaving soon, that’d be great but we managed to have everything work out I got a feel for the tribe dynamics And Lily got voted out after coming for me

anyway for darian and Steffen to use my vote like that and be straight up liars is so ugly I hate men 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 jk my new closest ally Jordan is a man 

why does everyone think I'm dumb is it because I act dumb all the time ?? probably

OKAY SO THIS IS A RANT FOR MY CONFESSIONAL SO DARIAN THINKS HES REAL SLICK BUT I SEE RIGHT THROUGH HIM He told me lily was out for me so obviously I vote along with him, but the way he told me about it was sus I’m usually good at sniffing out a rat but there was little I could do ABOUT it and it would be dumb to make waves about it now, but I see him. There’s no way he did;t know the votes would be split like that, I think there is a group making puppets out of some of us and I need to figure out who exactly is in that group. I know its Darian and Ashley probably Pines too, makybe not. I also just realized I was accidentally interrogating Darian so I’m gonna chill for a little bit But I see him -.- also fucking LOL at Jordan trying to tell me he was the one vote for Steffen when we already know it was Lily hahaha

Well, I'm pretty sure I just shook this entire game up and I have NO IDEA what's going to happen next... I definitely need to win immunity next week or I'm probs screwed 😂 Getting lily out but I voted drew and he's not too happy about it.  He says we are good but... we aren't.. I know it... I really don't think we are good at all Maybe I'm wrong.. idk😭😭😭 I'm so confused

So that tribal was just quite interesting. I mean Darian and I completely got shit done. But now Darian is most likely going to be a target cuz I kinda made him do all my dirty work.... God I am like an awful person (cwl) Well I mean Darian is the one who went to Nic and Brain and suggested our plan, Steffen went to Andrew... I kinda just sat back and watched everything happen, so hopefully no one will completely know I had a semi huge impact on that tribal.

BYE DARIAN IS A LITTLE SHIT HUH This messy Aeolian gameplay whew

So alot has happened & I'm just gonna use the opportunity to write about it.

Soooo last tribal, I was told me, steffen, darian, brian, ashley would all be voting Drew. However, it turns out they were lying to me. 

Darian? Dead to me. Steffen? Dead to me. I have to admit being lied to and being taken advantage of hurt. But in the end it only showed me the light. I love cutting people out ! Who knew 

I love burning bridges and then using the leftover pieces to build new ones. Cause now, the plan is for me, Jordan (my closest ally), Drew (the person i voted for who i am now voting with), Brian (the person who ive barely spoken to), and Luke (icon) to all vote together and take out one of the Terrivle Trio, aka D*rian/S******/Ashley. 

Also apparently Drew has an idol!! Which is iconic. He could be lying to me but idc bc if he is.. whats new lol If this plan works out I will give every person who voted with me 100 dollars. 

If it doesn't work out I just have more excuses to be mad at the people who betrayed me. 

Also.. me being able to freely express my opinions because I don't give a fuck what happens? a concept. If I get voted out it's no big deal cause I have actual friends in Wonderland. Anyway.... bye guys I'm sure I'll have another one of these as things progress. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO JC......... thanks for that letter. You winning Panem and me winning Westeros... its a prophecy

right now im gonna go to steffen and darian and act sorry. will they buy it...... probably not. they're smarter than that! apparently.

So.. tribal is approaching. I have to admit, with everything that has been planned, I will be a bit disappointed to go home. 

Everything is working so far. We have the majority alliance and Steffen/Darian probably have no idea it's Ashley tonight. In fact, Steffen even thinks I've been rallying against Darian. 

I don't wanna get to confident. But I hope this game turns around

Who knew this was gonna be a tie vote! Who knew Brian was gonna change his vote. 

Every moment in this game is an opportunity tho. Even though I've already sent my vote in for Ashley, I'll still use this to chance to make a deal with Darian and let him campaign to me. And with this tied vote, I can still kinda make Steffen think I voted Darian. Which is what he though before tribal. Hopefully this puts me in a good position 

I'm using this to mend bonds with Steffen/Darian, while maintaining my bonds with the others. Minus Andrew idek him 

(i feel like i already sent a confessional about this oh well) 

Anyway now that I actually have something to lose.. I have to be careful of what I say 

How did I go from on the bottom basically asking to be voted out to being in this good position........ I scream

So that tribal was interesting. Darian and I are now kinda against each other and he is very certain it will be unanimous that I am leaving. Which makes me want to punch sense into him because literally anyone can lie through text.

Anyway. my strategy rn is called "Operation: If You Fuck With Me you're Dead" and if that isnt a good episode title idk what is @hosts. 

Ashley? check. 

Darian and Steffen? we'll see i have tons of abi gifs ready

me before F9 tribal:

me @ Ashley and Darian after F9 tribal: 

me @ Nic and Brian after F9 tribal: 

me shopping for a new alliance: 

me as the Ashley votes came rolling in: 

Ashley and Darian as the votes came rolling in: 

me @ Ashley when she tried to apologize: 

me @ Ashley's begging: 

me when she tried to give me her turkey leg: 

me realizing there are still five more weeks of this game: 

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED I'm soooo in the dark it's not even funny My own best friend who just performed the best show yet with me LIED TO MY FACE 😭😭😭😭

[2016-12-03, 9:15:21 PM] Darian Goggin: I [2016-12-03, 9:15:24 PM] Darian Goggin: Am shook [2016-12-03, 9:15:29 PM] Darian Goggin: What just happened [2016-12-03, 9:18:28 PM] Jordan Pines: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ why am i the worst

Dear damn diary 

well thanks to myanmar for screwing up my sleep cycle it seems Ive been out of the voting cycle due to trying to catch up on sleep, so basically its become a Nic and Darian fight, and if I could look at myself at the beginning of the season, I’d pat myself on the back and say, Raven Symone would be proud of you CAUSE YOU CALLED IT.  So while he did save me last round, Im not saving him if Im in minority, its just stupid at this point, so Im at least going to give him the dignity of giving him a heads up, cause he deserves it at this point, but I knew Id probably not go to the end with him, guess I was right, so gotta go with the flow today cause I am too sick to put in effort here