#i managed to write sth for him eventually

[patrophthia]

attention is what i want! | theo. nott

pairing: theodore nott x fem!reader

genre: pining, one sided crushes, angst !!, complicated feelings, theo is a dick tbh, humor (my attempt at it), reader embarrasses herself (multiple time), girls girls pansy, reader are friends with the golden trio but isn’t a gryffindor, cursing, drinking, a bit suggestive in the end hehe

wc: 4.3k (idk how it got this long, i planned to write sth with like 2k at most but it kept going)

note: i wrote this while listening to attention by new jeans for two hours straight (yay pining!) i have very mixed feelings for this fic but here it is anyways!

summary: it’s no secret that you have a crush on theodore nott, theo knows it, hell the whole school knew it; maybe if they didn’t then it’d be easier for you to get over him after you embarrassed yourself in front of the whole school. at least you got a new friend because of it.

To say you had a crush on Theodore Nott would be an understatement. You never actually confessed to the Slytherin but it's as clear as days that you were into him. 

And when he was as good looking as he was, could anyone really blame you? 

Not really, not when most of Hogwarts found your attempt at shooting your shot with him the most amusing thing ever. 

"Good morning, Nott." Your hand shot upwards the second the Slytherin enters the classroom. His eyes settling on you whilst his friends bickers behind him. "I saved you a seat." 

There's snickering from behind you, hushed whispers as your classmate gossips about your pathetic attempt at getting with Theodore once more. 

His eyes scans the room, finally settling on one of the two empty seats behind the class and B-lining towards it. Zabini, having lost to Malfoy at grabbing the seat next to Theodore smiles at you kindly. Maybe even apologetically as he sits next to you. 

"Better luck next time?" He offers, trying to lighten your mood and you smile back, nodding. "You'll get him eventually." 

And though your voice is low, barely audible and muffled; Zabini still manages to hear you huff out a: "doubt it." 

"Do you think he'd pay attention to me if I dyed my hair green?" You ask, playing with your hair. 

Sure, your hair would end up damaged but if it meant Theodore would spare a glance your way then you'd take it. 

Harry looks at you as if you'd grown an extra head, green eyes enlarged as he tries to gauge whether you were serious or not. "Excuse me?" 

"I think I could pull of forest green hair." 

Hermione rolls her eyes. "No, you can't." She doesn't really mean it though, she does agree that you'd probably pull off forest green hair but she'd rather you do it for your own personal wants rather than to gain someone else's attention. "And you won't." 

You only huff at her words. "Why not?"

"Because, it's stupid. You'd look stupid doing so." Mione doesn't bother sugarcoating it, she doesn't need to when you've known her as long as you have. "If you need his attention so badly then ask him out, just drop the question and get it over with." 

"I'm trying to!" You groan, passing your plate with leftovers over to Ron who accepts it gladly. "I could walk naked in front of him and he wouldn't even bat an eyelash." 

Ron face scrunches at the idea, finding the prospect of a naked you disgusting. "You could put up a banner," he suggests through a mouthful of food. "I'd notice someone if they put up a banner with my name on it." 

And when Hermione's whacked Ron at him encouraging what she deemed was self destructive behavior, the conversation shifts to something else completely. 

You're huffing and puffing when you straighten up, showing your three closest friends what you'd been working on for the last two days. "What do you think?" 

Ron gasps loudly, eyes wide as he takes in the imagine in front of him. "You're crazy." 

"If you'd just—" Hermione, as if it was second nature, reaches up and smack at his arm. "—learnt how to shut up, this wouldn't have happened." 

It's only natural for you to frown at their reaction, brows knitted as you asked them. "Is it too much?" 

Harry, and his sweet sweet soul tries his best to not hurt your feelings as he nodded. "Maybe?" He tries to soften the blow, adding on: "I think it's brilliant, it's just ... a lot." 

You look over your masterpiece. Reading out the glittering paint, letter by letter and watching it as it takes shape into one of the biggest banner you've seen at Hogwarts by far. 

Written in shining green paint were the words: 

A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N, attention is what I want. Nott, go out with me? 

"I mean, if anything you'll definitely get his attention with that," Harry says, blinking rapidly at the banner. "It's pretty hard to miss." 

"Let's hope so." 

The dining hall is louder than normal, it has always been noisy; having seated thousands of teenagers who had little to none supervision during their breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

But like Theodore has noted earlier, it's noisier than normal. And the drop of voices is significant when he steps through the large doors, loud gossips turns to hushed whispers; eyes roaming between him and a figure by the Gryffindor table. 

It doesn't take him long to notice why, a dust of glitter falling down on him from above. He glances up, eyes squinting as he reads out the banner before him. 

A-T-T-E-N-T-I-O-N, attention is what I want. Nott, go out with me? 

The letters are bright, glinting under the candle light as if it was taunting him, pushing at his buttons for a reaction. And though, there was no name written on the banner to indicate who'd made it; he knew that it was you. 

Dark eyes narrows as he zones in on you. You dressed up nicely, watching him with a pretty smile on your waiting face. 

And when all he did was roll his eyes and turn towards the Slytherin table, without sparing you another look. You all but deflated in front of everyone's eyes. 

You knew it was stupid, and that it was all your fault to make your love life so public for everyone to entertain themselves with, but you can't help but feel hurt at the laughter bubbling through out the hall. 

You're scrambling out of your seat, rushing out of the hall when a voice shouts out. "Serves you right, pick me!" 

Oddly enough, it's Pansy who speaks up; her voice loud and clearly irritated when she shouts back, telling them to go and: "Fuck yourself." 

Why the Slytherin threw a dirty glare at her friend and ran after you despite the two of you not being friends —let alone having been seen together before, was a mystery to everyone. 

And since Hermione loves you too much for her own good, she’s quick to scramble out of her seat, casting a spell to set the banner up in flames as she rushed after Pansy and you. 

There’s a sort of guilt that Hermione feels when she finds you hunched over with Pansy’s hand running up and down your back. The two of you weren’t friends, neither is Hermione and Pansy but when a girl’s in need of comfort, it’s only normal for them to be there for her. 

“I don’t get why you’re into him, honestly,” Pansy grits out, “out of all the boys in Slytherin you just had to choose the dickhead, didn’t you?” 

Hermione can hear you sniffle out a laugh as she takes a seat on your other side. “Out of all the boys in Hogwarts you just had to choose the dickhead, huh?” 

Pansy and Hermione are sharing a grin as you lift your head up slightly, a small smile tugging at your lips. “It’s not like I wanted to like him, you know?” You say with a small laugh. “I guess I’m just attracted to an asshole.” 

“You’re guessing this now?” Pansy says with a roll of her eyes, there’s no venom in her tone, only playful annoyance. “This isn’t the first time he’s treated you like this. I’ve heard all about your … attempts, you know?” 

“Really?” You’re laughing and the hurt in your tone is clearer than ever. “How embarrassing.” 

“It’s not,” Hermione reassured you, “if anything I think it’s endearing.” 

“Me making a fool of myself for a guy is endearing to you?” 

Pansy giggles at your words. “I’ve done worse, maybe just not so publicly.” Her voice is playful when she adds on, “but this should be the final nail in the coffin right? Finally getting over that asshole after this?” 

“That asshole is your best friend,” you remind her and she looks to her side bashfully. 

“That doesn’t excuse him for being horrible to you,” she mumbled. “And I thought Draco was bad.”

“Malfoy is bad,” Hermione chimes in. “He just didn’t humiliate you like Nott did her.” 

Pansy tilts her head to the side in thought. “Maybe. Or maybe we should just stop dating Slytherin guys over all.” 

Hermione only smiles fondly at her words. “Maybe.” 

You’re doing fine. Or as fine as one could be after a publicly humiliating confession. You’re still very you, smiling at Theodore every chance you get even though you’ve told your friends (now extended to Pansy) multiple times that you were getting over him. 

The only BIG difference that anyone noticed after your rejection was that you no longer attempted to get closer to Theodore. You don’t save him seats, you don’t tell him good morning, and they’d be lying if they said it wasn’t weird. 

“Is this seat taken?” 

You look up, eyes widening at the person in front of you and nodded. “I’m saving it for someone.” You pray to Merlin that he doesn’t hear the waver in your voice as you did so. “Is there something you needed?” 

He doesn’t answer you, instead placing his book bag on your desk. You try to control the butterflies caged in your stomach, fluttering at the sight of his forearm flexing as he did so. “You’re saving it for me? Like always?” 

You blink at him. “… no. I’m saving it for Blaise.” 

“Huh,” he hums thoughtfully, “you’re in first name basis now?” 

You move to your right when he takes his seat to your left, trying to distance yourself from him. “What do you want?” 

He looks at you and your pretense of being over him crumbles all over, tumbling as he nearly knocks you off your feet just how intense his gaze is. And though you’ve always wanted his attention, for him to look at you back like he’s doing now. You can’t help but feel sick to your stomach with how much you still liked him. 

“Attention is what you want, right?” 

What is he playing at? “Not anymore.” 

“Shame.” There’s a slight smile at your answer. “I was finally ready to give it to you.” 

“He said that?” Pansy repeats your words back to you, her hand moving away from your face as she dips it back into the face mask she’d mixed up. “That’s weird.” 

“That’s what I thought,” you murmur, feeling Hermione kick her feet into your lap. “I’m so confused right now.” 

“Maybe he’s playing hard to get?” Hermione suggests. “Even if he is I hope he knows the only hard thing he’s getting is a rock thrown at his face.” 

It’s clear that she’s taken your rejection harder than you did, grumbling at the thought of him. “A text book if he’s lucky.” 

Pansy finishes up your face mask and sets the bowl down. “I told him to apologise to you, not to go and bother you," she says, frowning slightly.

“You told him to apologise?” The tone of the conversation shifts, downing just the slightest bit. 

Pansy avoids your eyes as she nods, “I just wanted him to say sorry for how he treated you, you didn’t deserve that. But that fucker decided to go and do something weird, I’m sorry, lovely.” 

When she’s taken up the nickname lovely for you, you don’t know. But you’re too much into your head to say anything about it. “Please don’t do that. Don’t meddle with this just because you pity me. I can handle this by myself.” 

“I don’t—” Pansy pauses, realising the weight of her actions “—I’m sorry, I promise I’ll leave you be.” 

You’re nodding when you tell her: “thank you.” 

Trying to jot down notes does nothing to soothe your nerves, and it definitely doesn’t distract you from the fact that Theodore Nott is sitting so damn close to you. So close that your thighs were touching, and that with any small move you made, your shoulder brushes against his. 

Moving your chair to the right is no use, not when he’d move his just so he’d be closer to you. You’re so close you could practically hear him breathe. 

It’s when your quill slips off of your desk that you have to confront him about it. You nudge at his thigh with yours, forcing them to his left only for him to look at you curiously. “Can you move?” 

“Why?” He asks instead, planting his thighs where they’d been. 

“My quill fell, I need to get it.” You explain, avoiding his eyes as best as you could. His attention is not good for your heart, maybe it two weeks ago, but it definitely wasn’t now. 

Theodore is uninterested and unmoving when he quipped back. “And you can’t get like this?” 

Not if you didn’t want to plan your face on his lap and be so terribly close to his— yeah no. You sigh, leaning forward to tap at the person’s in front of you shoulder. “Would you mind getting my quill for me please? It’s bit hard for me to reach.” 

The person in front nods and leans down to get it for you with a smile. And when they hands it to you, their finger brushing against yours, you distinctly feel Theodore press himself closer to you. 

“You could’ve borrowed mine,” Theodore says lowly, eyeing you from above. 

He’s slightly taller than you, even when you’re both sat. Trying to prove to him (and yourself) that you were over him, and that this close proximity did not matter to you; you strain your neck up to glare at him. “You could’ve moved.” 

“Maybe,” he concurs. “And you could’ve just asked for me to get it for you.” 

“Like you’d do that,” you murmur with a roll of your eyes. “For me of all people.” 

“For you of all people,” he repeats. 

You hate how you instinctively break away from his gaze, looking at your notes as you try to calm your beating heart. Two weeks is nearly not enough to time to get over a crush you’ve been harboring for the longest time, not when you liked him so much you didn’t bother to keep it a secret to anyone and he knows it. 

He knows it and he’s using it as an advantage, for what exactly you don’t know. What you do know, is that you need to get away from Theodore Nott. Or kiss him. Whichever works. 

You sigh, glancing at your hands and hope that your voice doesn’t tremble when you quietly ask him. “What are you playing at Theodore?” You’re exasperated and he can hear it, he can hear the exhaustion in your voice and he tries his best not to let it get to him. “I know Pansy told you to apologize but you’re not apologizing, you’re just making things worse.” 

He doesn’t say anything, though you can still feel his eyes on you. “Excuse me, Professor,” he says suddenly, his shoulder knocking yours as he stood up, “I’m feeling a bit under the weather, would you mind letting me slip to the infirmary?” 

His hands are on you, holding firmly onto your wrist as he speaks. “It’s best if I had a friend to help me.” The professor doesn’t get a chance to respond before Theodore is pulling you away from the class. 

Your words are jumbled, flailing as you try to match up his pace; you’re confused and against your better judgement, you trust that he wouldn’t hurt you —even if he’d done so many times before. 

He comes to a halt by a hallway, it’s quiet still; students having yet left their classes. 

He looks at you, dark eyes clouding with emotion and tries to get you to look at him. Practically begging for you to give him your attention before speaking. “How am I making things worse? It’s what you wanted isn’t it?” 

“It is,” you say after a minute. “It’s just— this isn’t how I wanted it.

I like you, Theodore. A lot and I’ve made it so clear so many times and you always made it clear that you didn’t like me back. I finally try to get over you and you do this? What even is this? What are you trying to get at, Theo?” 

He doesn’t answer you, his hand finally releasing the grip on your wrist to rest by his side. 

You scoff, noting how he falls back to his pattern of not speaking to you when you’re practically pouring your heart out to him. 

“Why did never ask me out?” 

Your expression is puzzled, and he knows that he needs to explain himself, for him to tell you exactly what he meant but can’t bring himself to. Not when he wants to keep his pride in check.

“I did ask you out,” you tell him slowly. “In front of everyone.” 

“Exactly,” his reply is breathless as if he had been pondering over this for ages, “in front of everyone. Why didn’t you tell me you like me? Why didn’t you ask me when it’s just you and I?” 

“Are you serious?” You let out a ridiculing laugh. “You never wanted to step a single foot next to me and you expected me to ask you when it’s just me and you? Are you kidding me? 

Did you ever wonder why I wrote ‘attention is what I want’?” 

He’s speechless. And screwed. He can sense that you’re growing agitated with him, and he hates it. 

“Would it have changed anything if I had asked you out between you and I?” 

His silence is loud enough for you to understand his converted answer. 

“Merlin, why did you bring me out here, Theodore?” 

Theodore is bad at emotions. He’s bad at feelings, he’s bad at love and everything alike. He doesn’t like you and he’s pretty sure of it. Then why does it bother him so much to know that you no longer wanted anything to do with him. 

“I don’t know.” 

“Of course you don’t.” You meet his eyes and he knows that this is the end, you’re done with him for good. “Out of all the boys in Hogwarts you just had to be the one I liked, huh?”

“And that’s it?” Ron ask curiously. “You’re finally getting over him?” 

“Mhmm,” you hum, waving at Pansy who waved at you from the end of the dining hall, her Slytherin friends pointedly looking between you, Pansy, and Nott. “Finally am.” 

Ron doesn’t need to know that despite your mind being set on getting over Nott, your stomach still did somersault every time you see him —even in your peripheral vision. 

And when you smile at him, much like you did to everyone else and he doesn’t smile back at you; you feel your heart break all over again. 

It’s your own fault though, falling for a mere stranger who you’d only ever spoken to in classes —all of which having been conversations about school. 

“Do I get reward?” 

Hermione rolls her eyes. “A reward for doing something we’ve been telling you to do for ages? You wish.” 

“I’ve been wishing for something else.” The mischievous look on your face is enough to clue her in on where your mind as gone, scrunching her face as she scowls at you. “Gross.” 

“Are you okay though?” Harry asks you lowly. “I know it can be hard to get over crushes.” Take him and Chang for example. “So if you need anything we’re here for you.” 

“I’m okay,” you tell him. “Or at least I’ll be.” 

Harry offers you a smile, as kind as always. “That’s good then.” 

It’d only be weird for you to visit the Slytherin common room often (courtesy of Pansy) and for you to not run into Theodore at least once. 

You’re standing outside the common room, waiting for Pansy to come and get you when the door swings open and he stands there in front of you. He’s in his pajamas, an oversized sweater pooling at his hands. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Though you’re also in your pajamas, you feel slightly underdressed under his eyes. Only having worn a loose T-shirt and shorts for girls night. 

You want to ask him what he’s doing here but it is his house’s common room so you withheld your question to yourself. “Pansy.” 

He gives you a once over before glancing back into the common room, it’s roaring with laughters; a bunch of the Slytherin boys deciding to play card games as they indulge themselves with the alcohol they bought with their father’s money. 

“Let me walk you in,” he offers, already turning back into the common room; expecting for you to follow after him. 

“You don’t need to—” you don’t get to finish your words when Theodore throws you a sharp look. As if he was asking you to protest him on this. You sigh, following after him. 

Theodore stays a good distance away, hiding you and your bare legs from the other Slytherins. He doesn’t really have to though, most of them minding their own business until Blaise chirps up to say hi. 

“Hello,” you greeted him back, waving at him. Crabbe, now noticing your interaction lets out a low whistle at the sight of you. And Theodore moves closer to you, almost possessively. “I’ll see you in the morning?” 

“Mhmm,” Blaise says, humming before turning his attention back to Enzo. “Goodnight, princess.” 

There’s a snicker from Goyle, smirking as he says. “You’re stealing Nott’s girl now?” 

You only offer him a smile, feeling Theodore come in over closer to you as he hurries you up the stairs. There’s a thump! from behind and you knew, without seeing, that Blaise threw a pillow at the bastards face. 

Theodore doesn’t try to hide his amusement when you curse a hex in Crabbe and Goyle’s way, not when Mattheo’s laughter roared across the room at your spell. 

“Thank you,” you tell Theodore, and you noticed that his lips are curled; why exactly, you don’t want to know. “Goodnight, Theodore.” 

You’re halfway up the stairs when he calls your name, you turn to him. “Yes?” 

“Goodnight,” he says, turning on his heel to leave. 

You turn back up the stairs, only to pause and look back at him once, twice; before setting off to find Pansy. 

It’s two weeks later when Theodore bumps into you again, this time; quite literally. His hands are on you, stilling you so you wouldn’t fall flat on your ass. 

The dance floor is crowded, but it’s to be expected when one of the most popular students at Hogwarts (read: Blaise Zabini) is throwing a birthday party. 

You’re —by extension through Pansy, a friend of his which means you needed to be there or he’d be pretty (very) sad about it and pester you about it for the rest of your life. 

“Woah!” Your hands lay awkwardly on his chest, trying to push him away whilst trying to balance yourself still. “Watch where you’re going.” 

Theodore straightens you up, hands lingering a little too long before letting you go. “Sorry,” he murmurs, “I’m sorry.” 

And though you promised yourself to let go off Theodore months ago, you can’t help but feel your heart twist at his words. Skin burning where he’d touch you mere seconds ago. 

“It’s fine,” you wave him off, “just be more careful.” 

“Yeah.” His tone is breathless, blinking at you slowly as if he couldn’t believe you were so close to him. “You look nice.” 

You better hope so, it’s not like you spend an hour getting ready to look anything but nice. And despite your better judgment, you feel butterflies setting off in your stomach once more. But that could’ve also been caused by the mixed concoction you downed five minutes ago. 

“Thank you,” you murmur. “You too, Theo.” 

“Mhmm,” he hums nodding, his expression is hesitant. “Thank you,” he says, turning his head to the side and under the clubbing lights, you can easily spot the tinging redness at the top of his ears. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

“What?” It’s not that you didn’t hear him, it’s that you didn’t want to hear him. Because you knew, damn well, that if he’d just repeated himself you would agree within a heartbeat.

He gulps, and repeat himself. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

Maybe your heart is weak, maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe it’s just Theodore that gets you out of there with him attached to your lips. 

His hand pressing into the small of your back as you leaned against the wall, a small groan slipping from his lips when you nipped on it. 

Theodore pulls back, eyes wide and roaming your face as he takes your features in; memorising the slope of your nose, the plumpness in your lips, and the apples of your cheeks as if this was the last time he’d be able to do so. And presses his lips to yours once more. 

He calls out your name, a free hand reaching up to cup your jaw so you’d look at him. For you to give him the attention he so desperately wanted from you. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I know you probably hate me and I’m so sorry but give me a chance, please.” 

His tone is desperate, almost begging as he did so and you wonder if he knew the impact he still had on you. He lets go of your jaw, arm wrapping around your waist, bringing you impossibly closer to him.

“Give me a chance to make it up to you,” he asks of you, mouth pressing wet kisses down your neck as he repeats himself. “Please, please, pretty girl.” 

“Theo.” His kisses doesn’t stop, much less falter at your words. “Theo.” 

“Mhmm?” He hums against your neck, pulling back to give you his full an undivided attention. “Yes?” 

He’s a bit taken aback when you kiss him quickly, chasing your lips as you pulled back. “You have a lot to make up for.” 

“I know.” The curled smile of his returns, dark eyes glinting as he looks at you. “But for now let me give you all my attention.”

— from bee: i guess reader got what she wished for at the end lol, feedbacks and reblogs are greatly appreciated!! (๑>◡<๑)

p.s this pic of mingyu is so (my) bf i love him!!

[vechter]

Top 5 Dick and Bruce moments or things

it's gotta be what faith tells dick in JLA (1997) #73

just the implications of it all. how bruce recognizes he hurts people, whether its criminals or the people who have chosen to love him. but still. still. he is immensely and immeasurably proud of dick. he can never say it, he wouldn't know how to even begin to tell dick how much dick means to him. also the crazy thing- we all know dick is insane about bruce and how endlessly devoted he is to him. but bruce is equally insane about him in his own neurotic way. he puts dick on a pedestal (he is right to) but just how fucked up of him. bonus scene from the obsidian run (#76) that always makes me grin:

2. this one is from robin: year one (2000) #4

so bruce fired dick after two face nearly beat him to death with a bat and dick ran away and managed to end up joining a league of assassins vengeance school under this dude named shrike. i won't bore you with even more plot but something about this panel just kills me. they're both so lonely and desperate for each other's partnership. bruce knows he miscalculated firing dick even if it was for dick's safety- dick isn't going to stop being a vigilante just bc batman said so (bruce u fucking idiot) and i think this instance of firing, while glossed over later in favour of the whole two-face of it all did sth that changed their dynamic fundamentally and irrevocably. it is probably the catapult for all of dick's future doubts and insecurities about his role and place in bruce's life. meanwhile, bruce giving dick agency in what he wants to do next- he needs dick just as much as dick needs robin. it's incredibly sad because i think there is a part of bruce that believes dick is only coming back to be robin, a doubt furthered when dick eventually forms the titans and loses all semblance of a life outside the mask.

3. this one is from outsiders: five of a kind - nightwing/boomerang (2007)

basically, dick decided to hand over the outsiders to batman and this is owen boomerang, the son of the guy who killed tim's dad. this is post-adoption so dick is more secure in his role as bruce's son. and just sth about how dick won't stand for people criticizing bruce, even when he might be thinking unfavourably of bruce. bc he can do that. but other people? no dice. also the added angst from owen talking about his own dad and his own version of legacy. i like to think dick probably felt some type of way about owen yelling out 'he was my father' bc while dick probably hasn't ever verbalized that, he has probably felt similarly.

4. batman (1940) #636

bruce brooding over the past. little does he know his second son is back and ready to haunt him literally instead of metaphorically lol. but anyway, this always makes me froth at the mouth. both bruce and dick have a tendency to look back on those years very, very positively and something about how nostalgia warps your memories but also how much of it is nostalgia and how much is truth? bruce is forever living in the past. @nighhtwing summarizes one of bruce's core truths in their fic Hereditary beautifully: Bruce has lived with grief longer than he’s lived without. It’s easy, then, to mourn this moment even as it’s in front of him, alive.

5. basically all of the comic batman/nightwing: bloodborne (2002). one of the most stellar pieces of bruce and dick writing. the art's a little funky but the story is fantastic. the devotion dick has. it's debilitating, it could kill him. it should have (thinking about the blast dick took for bruce in infinite crisis and how it was supposed to have killed him). the same toxin and anti-toxin runs through their veins. something about the intimacy and inherent religious imagery and nature of sharing blood. but it isn't even a cursory thought to dick. of course he will put himself in death's way if it means being able to save bruce. dick's biggest fear: being unable to save bruce like bruce saved him all those years ago. the way it all takes place on the anniversary of his parents' death. fantastic, killer, devastating show-stopping even.

[cantalooprat]

Perfection

What I Liked

the moment the wn rly clicked w me was after wen jianing auditioned for the side char role in october fireworks and when he asked lu jinlang what made the director hesitate abt him, lu jinlang basically told him that he was too good and for some reason it just rly... struck a chord in me somehow

i think i just vibe w the way jgq shapes her stories even tho i've only completed mingri and as of writing this, halfway thru perfection. i think it's the way she writes her side chars too, yi nan and wen lin r especially somehow kinda fleshed out despite not appearing that much and i rly like them and wen jianing as a trio lmao

as of halfway: idk if i'm dumb or if i rly buy too much into the story, but i rly somehow bought into wen jianing thinking that lu jinlang isn't sincere abt him even tho there r facts proving otherwise e.g. him having a clean private life, like the framing of lu jinlang is rly influenced by wen jianing's bias even though i also feel like wen jianing's deepest thoughts aren't often revealed easily

at first i also thought that lu jinlang picked up ke xinhang bc he like had a crush on wen jianing or sth but it turns out he didn't rly know wen jianing that well???

i also like wen jianing's identity crisis and the way he has to cope in his new body, and also the way he actually had to start from the very beginning and had to watch his prev friends no longer be his friends, and also the bar manager guy who realized that something wasn't quite right with ke xinhang but ultimately he wasn't close enough or didn't care enough to pry... like there is sth abt the way jgq writes relationships in this wn that i rly like

it's also nice how the relationship is framed as sth that could only have happened bc wen jianing "transmigrated"---if it was only wen jianing, then they both would still only be barely acquaintances, if it was only ke xinhang, then no one would know if lu jinlang would really have taken an interest in him beyond superficial reasons

how wen lin could totally be the mc of a dogblood entertainment plot where he charms this playboy investor but knows his limits and bottom line and how li rong, said playboy investor, will eventually stop his playboying ways...

What I Disliked

lmao the way wen lin extra ended like pls pls pls i want a conclusion!!

hmm... i think there were things i wish would get fleshed out in the extras i remember thinking that 2? extras weren't enough but now idr what they were lmao

Notes

my last read of 2022 and first wn finished in 2023

[dat-town]

love passes by

Characters: Hyunjae & You

Setting : childhood friends to lovers feat good old mutual pining and a sprinkle of angst

Summary: Hyunjae was too easy to fall in love with. Too bad you knew it was bound to end in a heartbreak.

Words: 4.7k

Partly inspired by his A to BoyZ video, IU’s When love passes by cover.

Gangneung was a relatively small town by the beach, where most people made a living of fishing or something related to that and countryside tourism. You never had the ambition to leave for a bigger city, to live the infamous Seoul life because you were content with the simple one you had.

After finishing high school, instead of pursuing further education, you started working as a waitress at your family's fried chicken restaurant. You used to do the same during summer breaks, so the regulars knew you already, greeted you as if you were their daughter just the same. Living in the suburbs of the town made it feel like a lovely village where everyone knew everyone and other than the mass of tourists in the summer season no new faces arrived. Nobody that could have turned your life upside down.

Not until Lee Jaehyun.

He wasn't a totally new face per se, but still, it had been years since the town had seen any of him and now he was back.

"Kwak Auntie's family visits her for the summer. Have you heard? Nobody knows why all of a sudden. We haven't seen them in years," you overheard a few murmurs in the restaurant about the news but didn't give it much thought even though the ahjumma lived right next to your family's home. You knew that if something was indeed going on, you would get to know it in time. And how right you were about it!

"Hm?" You looked up from your food when your mother called your name during dinner and she looked at you like she always did when she had something to ask. She always looked so apologetic about it even though you rarely said no because you had never been the rebellious kind and her requests weren't huge things either.

"You know, Mrs Kwak's daughter and grandson will come to town for the summer. I was thinking since you and Jaehyun used to play together, it would be nice if you could show him around, so he would see a familiar face."

You gulped down the spoonful of rice before nodding, throat closing up in a way that threatened to suffocate you.

"Sure," you croaked out, digging your own grave.

Truth was, seeing Hyunjae again was dangerous to your fragile heart but in such a small neighbourhood it was inevitable, so you might have as well bitten the bullet and taken it.

You just didn’t expect it to happen so soon, so sudden.

"Petite!"

The familiar, playful voice called your old nickname so affectionately that your lips trembled as you forced a smile, halting your movements. You needed to take a breather before turning around to face the boy who had grown into a young man over the years. After all, you had been sixteen and hopelessly in love with him when you had last seen him.

“Hyunjae...”

The name you used to call him fell from your tongue naturally as you saw him jogging up to you on the sidewalk a corner away from the street where you both resided and you felt your heart do a silly flip (or more like a slip) in the confines of your ribs as you caught the sight of him.

Your childhood friend had been handsome already once he had grown into his lanky limbs, face thinning with the years, eyes ever so mischievous but the good span of seven years that had passed since you had met matured his features. He was even taller, shoulders wide and his soft brown hair was styled sideways, still letting a few locks fall into his forehead. His thin lips were pulled into a wide smile and the dark of his irises sparkled with a giddiness. It was almost like he hadn’t changed a bit. He still wore clothes a bit too big on his slim frame, long, elegant fingers disappearing in the sleeves of his white shirt. His smile was so bright it outshone the Sun and small wrinkles appeared around his narrowing eyes. You needed to remind yourself to breathe.

“I heard you’re back… for the summer,” you fumbled with the words clumsily like a puppy learning to stand on its feet. Truth be told, you had no idea how to act around him without being awkward. You should have been over it, way over it, but seven years had passed and all those messy teenage feelings were back.

“Yeah, yeah I guess I am,” Hyunjae chuckled and the echoing sound of it messed up your heartbeat.

Oh if he knew how he made you feel! But despite him being so straightforward and sharp about everything else, he seemed so oblivious to your feelings that it made your heart ache. You had convinced yourself that he knew, he knew about it all too well and didn’t bring up only to save you from embarrassment, to save you from a hurtful rejection. You also convinced yourself it was better this way: he always left after all. He lived on the other end of the country and you didn’t want to be anyone’s summer fling.

“Where are you going?” Hyunjae inquired curiously, hands slipping deep into his pockets, eyes expectant as they were searching for yours but you refused to look up.

“Just running a few errands,” you shrugged and lifted the bag in your hand with a container full of fresh kimchi from Mrs. Kim a few streets down.

“For the restaurant? Gosh, I missed your mother’s fried chicken! Hers is the best. Just don’t tell my mom,” the boy next to you joked and you got startled when his fingers grazed against yours around the strap of the bag. You were so taken aback by the sudden action that you let go instinctively and the boy took the baggage from you.

“I can do it,” you protested, reaching for the strap after a moment of shock but Hyunjae’s mouth curled up in a smirk as he raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Good luck taking it from me.”

For a second long you held the eye contact but then you were the first one to give up, of course you were. You turned your head, feeling your cheeks heat up at the depth of his dark eyes and his laughter filled the quiet streets with life. His steps resumed and you needed a moment to catch up under the scorching Sun.

“Have you been well?” he asked, sounding curious and your heart wished to tell him how much you had missed him all this time but it was too pitiful.

“Same old, same old. You know, nothing much changes down here. I’ve been doing well,” you answered instead because really, you had no complaints. Your life wasn’t exciting at all but you didn’t need it to be, you didn’t need heart attacks like Hyunjae to come more often than they did. Which also came to the fact that he was indeed there after all these years and you wondered why all of a sudden. However, you didn’t want to push, so your voice was kind and your tone was tentative as you asked: “And you?”

“Good. Seoul keeps me busy as always,” he said but he was short on words, didn’t tell you much, nothing specific and you were too afraid to ask, so instead you thanked him for his help with the container when you reached your house. It felt awkward not to know how to say goodbye. Your mother might have asked you to show him around but you weren’t kids anymore, he didn’t need a helping hand to get to know a town he had already been familiar with and you didn’t want to become a bother. But as soon as you turned around to go into the house, hand already on the handle, the boy called after you.

“When is your next day off? We could hang out a bit, catch up,” he suggested casually and it gave you a feeling similar to nausea.

“I’m free on Monday,” you told him and closed the door behind you so quickly that you missed his bitter smile.

The beach sand burnt under your bare feet.

“Remember when we were playing tag around here?” Hyunjae brought up suddenly and you hummed, grateful to the ice cream in your hand to cool you down a bit. You walked closeby, arms almost brushing, sharing stories here and there, nothing serious though, nothing that could have ruined the light atmosphere.

“Yeah. You always cheated,” you scoffed but with no malice and the gasp the boy let out was playful as well.

“Not my fault that I run faster,” he objected to your accusations to which you rolled your eyes.

“You just have longer legs,” you argued and as you started bickering about something so trivial like this, you could feel the tenseness melt in your bones and looking at him didn’t hurt that much anymore. By the time you both devoured your sweet treats, you had walked along the beach up to the famous white lighthouse and the ground turned more rocky than sandy. It didn’t stop the boy from chasing you to prove a point and laughter bubbled up your throat as you looked over your shoulder while trying to find your balance on the colder surface.

Hyunjae threatened that he would catch you and you weren’t going to let him, but you didn’t pay enough attention to the slipperiness of the rocks as you jumped from one to another and before you knew you lost your stable point. You had already gotten ready to land on your butt in the shallow sea water, but before that could have happened, slim fingers wrapped themselves around your waist, holding you in place. Hyunjae caught up with you just in time and the giggles stuck in your throat as he pulled you back into safety, close to his chest, looking down at you with worrisome eyes.

“I told you I’d catch you,” he murmured and you gulped. Oh how you wished he would have been there to catch you when you fell (deep in love with him).

Hyunjae became a regular at the restaurant your parents owned. He was always doted on, getting free treats just because he flashed a pretty smile. Or maybe it was because of his neverending compliments on which you called him out after a while.

“No, for real! Fried chicken became my favourite because of this place, so let me enjoy it,” he insisted and let out a moan at the taste of the crispy meat and you let out a laughter before running off to serve another customer.

You slowly got used to having him around, having him keep an eye on you from across the place. Sometimes he was there for hours long, a notebook in front of him, pencil in hand, hovering over the table, only looking up with a bright and mysterious smile when you walked by to refill the water jug on his table. He never showed you what he was working on.

Sometimes he stuck by until closing hours and then, no matter how much you objected, he stole a wet cloth for himself and helped you wipe off the tables, turning the volume on the radio up, having fun around the place. It was indeed more fun with him there, you had to admit and if it wasn’t for you fearing your heart, you might have admitted it out loud.

“Come on, dance with me,” Hyunjae held a hand out just when you wanted to get a mop and clean the floor but he saw through your weak protests and took your hand in his.

Your parents and other employees had left already, it was only the two of you for once in this cozy place you knew as your second home. An English song you liked came up on the radio and the boy had you twirl and laugh as you stumbled around in-between tables as if you were in a ball room. When he pulled you close and you felt his heartbeat over his chest, eyes boring deep into yours, you told yourself you only imagined the hammering speed of his heart and the longing of his eyes. It made it easier to laugh it off and to let go of his hand when the song ended.

Just one song, for that much you could let yourself be in love.

Again. Still.

Warm sand stuck to your water-soaked feet as you watched the waves play with your toes every other minute. It was getting dark, you were supposed to go back soon after another day off spent together. The silence wasn’t heavy, just nice and cozy, just like being next to him. So you didn’t expect him to tell you anything grande. Not until his quiet voice got lost in the wind.

“I dropped out of college,” he said, as if it was final but his voice wasn’t sad. You didn’t know what to say. Sorry? It sounded weird because turning your head to look at him, he didn’t seem like hurting. Just maybe a bit afraid of judgement. There was an answer on the tip of your tongue but he was faster. “I wanna do art. Something to let my voice heard. Business is not for me.”

The words felt rushed, as if he wanted to explain himself but he should have known better: there was nothing to explain to you, he didn’t need to.

“You’re still young. You have plenty of time to find your way. Don’t waste it on something you don’t like,” you said trying to soothe his pain, trying to mend his wounds and the smile he gave you had you catch your breath in the throat.

Suddenly he looked much older than your teenage selves. Suddenly you felt like adults who shouldn’t have made rash decisions and while you were okay letting life go with the flow, enjoying the calm serenity of your seaside days, Hyunjae had always had big dreams and big ambitions. He had grown out of this town, he belonged to the city with its buildings reaching for the skies.

“Tell me about your art,” you spoke up before he could have done anything that made your heart falter even more. You turned back to the sea, watching the Sun set on the horizon while Hyunjae told you about how he had picked up on drawing first and then photography. You listened to the way he talked about what he liked in these and there was a surreal kind of jealousy building in your chest as you realized he was in love with art.

“You could show me one day. If you’d like to,” you whispered and you thought the waves washed away your wish but the stars seemed to listen as Hyunjae didn’t even take his eyes off you.

It wasn’t the first time you were in his room but back then it was a child’s room, now it was just a guest room with barely anything personal. You felt like walking in a territory you weren’t supposed to but Hyunjae acted very casual, telling you to make yourself home while he brought drinks and snacks. Sitting cross legged on his bed, looking out of the window, seeing the same as you see from your own window made you feel some type of way.

The boyish smile that pulled on his mouth when he got back just added to it but then he pulled out his sketchbook and camera, laying them both on your lap, letting you look over them, seeing into the depth of his art. You were in awe at the way he was able to capture the sea and the sunset or the way he made ordinary things like an empty street seem serene and beautiful. It struck you even harder when you flipped through his drawings made with nothing but pencil and yet so delicate and amazing. Your hand trembled though when you found a few drawings of you.

“I was just messing around and you were there,” Hyunjae shrugged, skipping a few pages full of you as if you had been on his mind just as much as he was on yours.

You didn’t ask why though, you didn’t dare.

Yet, you agreed when the boy asked whether you would stay over for a movie night and he put on his favourite superhero film before settling on the bed next to you. One movie turned into two and then a whole marathon, him lending you more comfortable shorts and an oversized shirt to wear to bed. Both of you knew you could have just gone home to change but somehow you didn’t have it in you to reject his offer. So you sat by the headboard of his bed next to him, in a soft white tee smelling like his laundry detergent, smelling like him, while watching Tony Stark save the world again.

Summer was passing too fast.

You knew you were getting too attached with each second. You knew you should have stopped it before it was too late but you were already too deep, especially after that day in the arcade.

Hyunjae was still sometimes a kid at heart and you couldn’t say no to him when he dragged you into the corner arcade, playing a few rounds of games, giggling so loud as if he had the time of his life. He even promised to win you your favourite Pokémon plush but after wasting ten thousand won you stopped him from trying, telling him it didn’t matter that much but he wasn’t one to give up.

“Give me your hand,” he said as you were sitting on a wooden bench waiting for the bus to come and you frowned as you looked at his determined face. You let out a small huff of a sigh and gave up already. Hyunjae was too stubborn, so if he didn’t want to tell you why, he wasn’t going to no matter how much you begged him to. You held your right hand in front of you with palms up but the boy’s gentle fingers quickly turned it over, nails grazing over the back of your hand before you felt something cold slide onto your index finger. You could only stare when you noticed the thin band of pink toy ring he just put onto you.

You blinked at him, seeking the warmth of his brown eyes on you but when he looked back at you, his mouth was already pulled up into a mischievous kind of smile, washing away any other emotions.

“See? I won you something,” he said triumphant and you were too taken aback to notice the matching silly plastic ring on his hand.

You had always had a fascination with summer rains but you would have never thought you would be caught in one with the boy who made your heart beat so abnormally.

The two of you were out on the beach, running around in the warm sand bare feet, splashing water to each other and laughing about some story he was telling you before you would have let out sounds of shrieks at the cold raindrops on your skin. It didn’t take even a minute for the downpour to turn into a storm, pouring enough water on you to soak your clothes through.

“Come, let’s find a hideout,” Hyunjae grabbed your hand, your slippery fingers fitting perfectly as he pulled you away from the beach but both of you chuckled by the time you made it under a balcony to catch your breath. You were quietly panting as you watched the storm move the trees and sunshades.

“I told you it was going to rain! You never listen to me,” you nudged the boy’s shoulder next to you but only then you noticed that you were still holding hands, fingers intertwined and there were so many unsaid questions in your eyes as you looked up at him. His hair was almost in his eyes, the brown mop sticking to his pale skin like second skin while the raindrops looked like pearls against his smooth features and sitting on his eyelashes. He was the most beautiful daydream you had ever seen.

Hyunjae called your name, gently, almost like a stroking touch and a breath got stuck in your lungs as you kept eye contact. You felt yourself drowning in his eyes and you weren’t sure you shivered because of the chilly breeze the storm brought. Those dark orbs on you had something serious in them, something that pinned you into place.

Hyunjae’s thumb stroked your wrist and the sharp inhale of air he took had his mouth parted, had you follow the movement with your eyes, only to have him take a step, impossibly closer to you. You needed to raise your chin to look into his eyes and when you saw him leaning down, your eyes fluttered closed on instinct.

It felt like dreaming, the drawn out moments, until a loud thud made you open your eyes.

“Yah, come inside, both of you will get cold!” The ahjumma from the nearby café yelled at you and embarrassed, with pink ears, you stepped away from Hyunjae. On your lips you were missing the feeling of something you never experienced: his kiss.

You didn’t talk about it. Hyunjae didn’t say anything even when he walked you home after the storm passed, so you just watched him go with a thudding heart.

But you should have been a fool to not notice how he avoided you the next couple of days until you got enough of this weird awkwardness between the two of you and you went over to the neighbouring house only to face unexpected news: the house was on sale. It was clear on the table displaying a phone number and when you pushed your way through the entrance, you only saw wrapped up and covered furniture. Mrs. Kwak was moving, that much was obvious. That must have been why her family came: for a last time. You couldn’t let that pass without comment, so knocking on Hyunjae’s door, you didn’t even greet him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you raised your voice immediately. There was a storm inside you threatening to spill and you could barely hold it together. He was never supposed to stay, you knew that much but to act as if this summer was like any other when in reality it was your last together was unfair. To you at least.

“I just wanted a chance to say goodbye before we leave,” the boy gulped, shoulder tense and eyes swimming with sadness. But you were too busy fighting your own demons, the hurt in your body, the ache of your heart to care about that.

“You should have told me nevertheless. How was I supposed to find out that you will leave next week and never come back?” You questioned harsher than you wanted and seeing Hyunjae’s face crumble made you guilty right away.

“Why are you so angry? You knew I was going to leave. Like every single time! I never made you believe otherwise. I didn’t want to give you hope when I can’t stay,” he said and arguing from the two sides of a doorstep really made it feel like you were on opposite poles of the absolute truth, yelling something that the other wouldn't have heard anyway. All you could hear were excuses while he only heard accusations. His question - Why are you getting so angry? - rang in your ear and you just wanted him to understand, finally, after all these years.

“That’s exactly the problem! You always leave,” you claimed, putting the blame on something that you had known from the get go, so in that sense you should have been blamed just the same but Hyunjae with that desperate darkness in his eyes seemed to get it. 

“No, the problem is what we make it to be. The thing is: you belong here and I don’t. I’m just passing by like summer, I come and go like the ocean waves but you never asked me to stay,” he said through gritted teeth, leaning closer. He looked very cozy in the shirt over his tee, off the shoulder as he kept his balance on the door frame. At his words, you felt like air was knocked out of your lungs but if someone then Hyunjae knew exactly how to take your breath away. “Why do you think I haven’t visited in the last few years? Why haven’t I told you I’m in love with you?”

“You… what?” you blinked because his words didn’t make sense. Not to you, not now and the boy you had known all your life was standing in front of you as if he had been standing at the edge of a cliff before diving forward until your back hit the wall of the corridor behind you. With a hand on your neck, he tilted your head and pressed his chapped lips against yours so gently and so loving that you had the urge to cry. It was a goodbye you knew, so no matter how sweet it tasted your salty tears broke your heart.

“You’re being unfair,” you told him as you shoved him away until he stumbled back. You looked into his heartachingly beautiful eyes one last time. “You never asked me to leave with you either.”

After Hyunjae left, the town got quiet and calm again.

Your days were just the same and you claimed you didn’t want anything more no matter how pitying your own mother looked at you. It was like she knew yet you didn’t want to share your heartbreak story with anyone. You told yourself it would go away and months after months it seemed you were right.

On winter nights, you missed his warmth and in spring you wished he would be there to see the cherry trees bloom. When songs reminding you of him played on the radio you could smile again after almost a year and then you only thought of him from time to time when storms passed by the beach, the sea and the rain singing their own ode to him. You convinced yourself you moved on, almost believed it was better this way until news of someone buying the house next to you came.

“What? It can’t be bought by just anyone,” you looked at your mother in horror after she told you that the house is going to be turned into a studio and abruptly, you stood up from the table.

Mrs Kwak’s house was a part of your childhood, a place you cherished and treasured as it held many of your memories with Hyunjae: hide-and-seeks, movie nights and a kiss desperate and regretted. You didn’t want a stranger there who would do who knows what. It was irrational, you knew that much but you just couldn’t help it, the urge to do something. So you took the welcome tarte from your mom and got out of the house before she could have protested. You walked up straight to the van of the moving company and asked where you could meet the new owner. One of the guys from those who carried those brown boxes pointed towards the sea. There, on the beach sat a man in the sand, knees pulled up and hugged close to his chest.

Your heart skipped a silly beat as you got closer because you knew this silhouette all too well. You almost dropped the dessert in your hands when he turned around, looking straight at you.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in a trembling voice, trying to hide the childish ring on your finger in the meantime but Hyunjae always had sharp eyes and the small movement made him crack a smile. A heartwarming, genuine one.

“Staying.”

[trashcanfills]

Ok yea so I actually do have dreams where I was doomfist s/o in a variety of situations. I dont know if its funny or ridiculous but the dynamic tends to be that we do have a thing for each other, but I usually end up rejecting/not bother with doomfist much because I cannot stand his incredibly extreme actions following his belief on “only through conflict do we evolve”. Meanwhile uhhh he still attempts to pursue me or occasionally pop up to say he’s still interested because he hasn’t given up on me being his partner.

Boy oh boy as u can see that dynamic can easily be played with a lot. Theres one where we are still in contact kiiinda as friends even though we have broken up, except he’s still determined to get me back by being his usual self around me. Imagine reader being his s/o in that dynamic whereby overwatch wants to find impt info on doomfist and they send agents to find it through reader, since they know reader is like an important friend to doomfist right? Oh wait turns out it’s his ex and he’s been trying to woo them back. Lolololol

Orrrr there was one where reader is an overwatch agent/sponsor but it’s not well known since the organisation is just starting up and is still illegal. Doomfist and reader meet a few times and reader goes hm maybe I should get more info abt him and play double agent, EXCEPT OH NO THEY GROW GENUINE FEELINGS FOR THE MAN AND ITS RECIPROCATED. Reader is conflicted with themselves, realises they cannot continue on the relationship and stop but doomfist is determined to get reader on his side, even after realising reader sides with overwatch.

Aaaand this one technically is cus of self-ship and a good doomfist x reader one shot lol but basically doomfist and s/o meet up before his accident and when he was in a competitive martial artist. Somehow they meet thanks to s/o friend who is a fan of doomfist, and sparks fly. They eventually get married, but doomfist lost his arm in the Omnic crisis, which started his path to darkness. S/o tries to support him throughout until he gets inspired to do things again but because its now criminal activities, the moment s/o realises the extent of them (because s/o is like oh yea sometimes the law does suck and ppl do their own form of justice is ok so long as its morally acceptable to me. Except doomfist has killed innocents. Which s/o draws the fucking line), s/o and doomfist start arguing abt it.

It does cause a rift in the relationship because s/o starts to see df is not the man they love anymore, and df being unhappy because s/o doesnt accept his philosophy. S/o becomes hesitant to leave because they have mixed feelings and also fear doomfist would do sth to them if they actually leave. Then doomfist gets captured and jailed, and s/o managed to walk out of their shared home, file for divorce on grounds that her husband was a criminal, and later go into hiding because shes worried that he might escape because he is that smart and determined, and does her best to cover her tracks. At some point she manages to find Overwatch and joins them, just as doomfist escapes his cell.

Yea as u can see they are all budding ideas, but I might be able to write a story out. We need more doomfist stories ngl.

[spidernerdsblog]

Hi 🙋‍♀️I have a request if u take them. Cud u write sth about Tom Holland x singer reader and the reader is performing at the Grammys or sth and the performance and song and costume is like really seggsy and Tom gets jealous??? Idk 🤷‍♀️ Sorry to bother u I just love your writing

Sorry this took me so long was at a lack of ideas. I strongly believe Taylor Swift’s reputation deserved a Grammy. So I'm borrowing her album for the reader. Hope you like this.

Pairing : Tom Holland x Singer! Reader

Warnings : angst, fluff, jealousy, suggestive theme, missed typos

Mini Playlist : Endgame by Taylor Swift, There’s nothing holding me back by Shawn Mendes

Baby I'm jealous

You and Tom were seated at the back when your limo pulled over at the venue. You could hear the commotion from the inside even though you have walked numerous red carpets by now but it still seems to be a little nerve racking to you. Especially when this is the first time Tom is accompanying you to the Grammys which is going to be a big deal for the media. The security personnel opened the door and as you stepped out of the car you were flooded with flashing lights from the cameras. 

Tom held out his hand for you, you slipped your arm into his and walked with a dazzling smile posing for the cameras “you look amazing, darling” he knelt down to whisper in your ear. In the meantime a lady journalist came forward to ask you a bunch of questions. 

“So Y/N three nominations this year, how are you feeling?” 

“Well it’s always good to be back here and share the stage with all these talented artists as usual I’m excited and looking forward to the night” you answered.

“We see you have brought company this year” she remarked which had you blushing.

“Yeah, I couldn't think of a better company than him on this very important occasion” you said bashfully tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Tom, what do you have to say?” she poses the question to him.

“Uhh I mean she has always been an incredible singer and her songs are the reason that made me fall in love with her in the first place” he replied looking proudly at you.

��Aww you both are adorable. Wish you the best” she said before leaving.

“Thank you so much” you thanked her, walking inside the auditorium and sat on your designated seats. There you were met with lots of your friends from the music industry as you said hi and chatted with them for a while.

“Hey Y/N how are you?!” you heard Shawn from behind as you turned around and went to eagerly hug him. You and Shawn were really good friends from the beginning of your career and you have always been supporting each other’s works.

“I’m good, how are you?” you chirped.

“I’m fine now” he remarked cheekily and went to sit beside you as you started talking catching up on each other totally ignoring Tom. To be honest he was a little annoyed seeing you so over friendly with him but he brushed off his thoughts quickly.

The show began and a few awards were distributed with some performances in between by different artists. You too had to perform for tonight which also included a duet with Shawn and soon your time came as you stood up from your seat to go backstage.

“Best of luck, love” Tom said to boost your confidence.

“Thanks babe” you kissed on his cheek lovingly.

“See you on the stage Y/N” Shawn snickered.

“Oh I’m looking forward to it” you blew him an air kiss and headed backstage to change into your stage outfit. The stage was set and you could hear the loud cheers of the audience from backstage. Truth to be told you always get a little nervous before any public concert but this time it was different because Tom sat there in the audience and you are more excited than nervous to perform. The lights went out and the screen doors slid open as you walked on the stage with the spotlight on you. The notes begin to play as you vocalize striding across the stage with oomph.

I wanna be your endgame

I wanna be your first string

I wanna be your A-Team

I wanna be your endgame, endgame

The crowd cheered as the supporting dancers slowly entered the stage. Tom sat amidst the crowd in awe witnessing you in your full glory. You owned the stage like a queen. He knew you were the prettiest woman he has ever met but the bodycon suit you were wearing accentuated your curves all at the right places.

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me we got big reputations, ah

And you heard about me, ooh

I got some big enemies

You waltzed around the stage with a sultry look in your eyes, slightly swaying your hips making the crowd go crazy. Tom was very good at keeping his emotions under check but when it comes to you he’s a possessive man so when he heard a few men from the crowd passing comments of how hot and sexy you looked he was fuming from inside. You went on to sing two more songs from your album then transitioned to Shawn’s latest single.

You take me places that tear up my reputation

Manipulate my decisions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

“Make some noise for Shawn Mendes!” you cheered as he emerged from the backstage playing the chords on his guitar and the audience screamed at the top of their voice.

I wanna follow where she goes

I think about her and she knows it

I wanna let her take control

'Cause everytime that she gets close, yeah

He sang with his gaze directed at you which didn’t go unnoticed by Tom who was looking at you both with narrowed eyes and clenched jaws. 

She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing (mmm)

And maybe I should stop and start confessing

Confessing, yeah

You joined in singing along the lyrics with him exchanging flirtatious gestures with each other. You encouraged the audience to sing along with you.

Oh, I've been shaking

I love it when you go crazy

You take all my inhibitions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

You take me places that tear up my reputation

Manipulate my decisions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

There's nothing holdin' me back

There's nothing holdin' me back

You were clearly having a fun time sharing the stage with Shawn as you both swayed to the beat with a wide smile and the crowd cheered you on. Tom heard  someone saying “they make a good pair” and he completely lost it. Now he was jealous even though he knows it’s wrong because you had always made it clear that you loved him more than anything but you in that ravishing outfit dancing and singing being way too comfortable around each other wasn’t helping much. 

Your performance ended after some time and Tom couldn’t be anymore happier. You were back in the audience again as Shawn couldn’t stop praising you “you just set the stage on fire Y/N! It was awesome”

“Oh shut up! You weren’t bad either” you quipped. Tom sat there silently feeling neglected at how you had time to talk with everyone except him. The show ended with you winning the three categories you were nominated for : album of the year, song of the year and artist of the year. You were elated at your achievements as your team escorted you for a photo session. You saw Tom standing at a distance and walked over to him.

“Why are you standing here? Come and stand with me” you said, grabbing his arm.

“No I’m better off standing here rather than being your arm candy” he says bitterly pulling out his arm from your hold.

“What?!” you were slightly taken aback as you looked at him in confusion.

“Hey Y/N!” your manager called out.

“Just a moment!” you told him to wait and dragged Tom to a corner.

“What the hell was that back there?” you hissed at him.

“You know it very well” you shrugged with a disinterested look on his face.

“I-I really don’t understand where this is coming from Tom but are you upset with something?” you were really concerned with his sudden outburst.

“Well isn’t that obvious? When your girlfriend brings you to a public event to treat you like a sidepiece and goes on flirting with her colleagues on stage it is naturally upsetting” he jabbed at you.  

“Are you even listening to what you are saying Tom? Everyone here are my work friends just like you have” you retorted in a hushed tone.

“Well it looked more than just friends” he bit back.

“Now you’re being ridiculous” you were totally done with him, fuming at his accusation.

“Y/N come fast!” your manager called you again.

“Yeah coming!” you replied and turned to Tom again “you know what it was actually my fault that I brought you along with me. I thought we were ready to take the next step in our relationship but it clearly doesn’t look like that” you snapped at him and walked back to have your pictures taken. You were stopped by various people, for interviews as well as to congratulate you for your win but you were so annoyed with Tom you couldn’t concentrate properly.

Towards the end of the night, you had almost forgotten about Tom’s comments as you busied yourself into conversations with different people from the industry, sipping on champagne. 

As soon as he cooled down Tom was quick to realize his mistake and tried to approach you several times, but you successfully ignored him by preoccupying yourself elsewhere. He eventually caught up to you, grabbing your arm before you could walk away “Y/N, please. Can we just talk for a second?”

“No I don’t think so because I’m quite busy flirting with each and every guy over here” you snapped, turning to walk away. He grabbed your arm again, “Y/N, c’mon love, I’m really sorry” he whined.

You whipped around “not now Tom. We will talk after we get out of here so if you will excuse me” saying so you walked away to be stopped by a reporter for another interview. The after party ended an hour as you and Tom exited the place. You climbed into the limo, quickly putting up the privacy window. Tom climbed in after you, taking a seat glancing at you.

“What?” you scowled, crossing your arms over your chest. You could tell he was really upset with what he’d said earlier. 

“Y/N.. I can't even explain how sorry I am” he started “I know I was being a dick back there and I feel terrible about it”

You leaned back in your seat sighing “you know what, I'm really tired. Can we talk about this after we reach home?” He nodded silently in agreement without uttering a single word on the drive back.

Once you got home, you walked through the living room and made your way into your shared bedroom. You sat on the bed taking off your heels and massaged your ankles. After sometime Tom joined you in the bedroom. He takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie as you stare at him for a second. He looked so good in formal attire which filled your head with filthy thoughts. How you could have celebrated your win in a different way but he had to ruin it by acting out like that.

“Y/N, I truly am sorry. I.. I have no excuse for my behavior. It was completely my fault” he walked over to you, sitting next to you on the bed.

You sighed deeply and stood up walking over to your walk in closet. Your hands went to your back to reach out to the zipper of your dress “I really didn’t expect this from you at least. Of all the people I thought you would understand since you are in the same line of work” you said with disappointment clear in your voice. Tom hung his head low in shame.

“I know babe it was rude and totally uncalled for. I was a fucking idiot and let my insecurities get the best of me” he said with remorse.

“Then just think about how I feel when I have to watch you making out with other women on screen. I never said anything to you. Instead I always supported you and you on the other hand questioned our relationship just because I was singing and dancing with someone else who happens to be a very good friend of mine” you ranted still struggling with the zipper of your dress “a little help please?” you huffed slightly irritated and angry.

Tom bit back a smile as he walked over to you and helped you unzip your dress. He took your hands in his and pecked on them gently “I didn't mean to ruin the night for you” he apologized, looking down at your hands.

You pulled out your hands and crossed your arms “well it wasn’t that bad given that I won three Grammys but I wished you were there by my side” you said completely forgetting that you were standing there in just your strapless bra and very tiny pair of lace underwear.

Tom was eyeing you the whole time with a known smirk plastered on his face. You noticed that and looked down at yourself “oh, c’mon. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here!” you scoffed, throwing your hands in the air. You shook your head in annoyance and grabbed the black silk robe, tying it around your body.

Tom was broken out of his trance as he walked over to you, placing a hand on your cheek “Y/N believe me I’m really sorry. I wish I could take back all the horrible things I said to you. You didn’t deserve any of it. Sorry for being such a jerk to you”

Your expression softened as you held his hand gently “well I’m glad to hear that. And even if I try I can’t stay mad at you for a longtime so apology accepted” you said with a smile. 

“Thank you darling it would never happen again I promise” he says stroking his thumb on your cheek bone as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips “and I mean it” he stated a hand reaching up to untie your robe as your robe fell open, your breath hitched “though it was slightly your fault too, how do you expect me to not get jealous seeing you with someone else looking so bloody gorgeous in that outfit?” he hooked his index finger under the silk on your shoulder, pulling the robe down slowly, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin “but I’m really sorry” he whispers in a husky tone. 

“Then prove it” you looked at him challengingly, a smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without any further delay Tom crashed his lips to yours effortlessly lifting you up by your thighs as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

...........................................................

Reblogs are appreciated ❤️

[sztefa001]

for the fic title thing!

"ruin you"

OH THIS IS DELIGHTFUL!

Now let's hope I don't spend half a day trying to write actual fics for it skfhsdjkf

1.My first thought was TerrorRain x Morphine, probably sth when they realize that the other is "that one guy who miraculously survived the battle only I thought I survived and now I gotta kill him or else that battle will remain a draw instead of my victory." Or it could be a kinky nsfw piece with them, ending surprisingly pleasantly on each side >w>

2. Speaking of kinky (and not only) it could also be Lord Master x Taffy now that I think about it. A cool past-present comparison with sexy-ruined Taf vs later mentally-ruined Taf vs even more later physically/financially/socially/etc ruined LM (after Taf sends him to a hospital, court and then jail and finally recovers and reclaims himself).

3. Surprisingly, that title would also fit sth for... MiniMint. How could it ever be good for the cute tiny little innocent flier as her you ask? Well... kids grow up. I mean she technically didn't grow as she got created and started off as kinda adult already but you know what I mean! Anyway. When she moves with her family to Cybertron she gets a new job there, mets new tfs, etc. She also falls in love and starts working together with one guy. They're a charming small-sized bean and with them she forms a lovely couple and she's certain they're gonna bond soon and then become conjunxes.

But unfortunately turns out the guy's a dirty cheater who was planning on leaving her as soon as she finishes fixing their spaceship for free. When she finds out and confirms it (she has special agents for parents so yeah, her dads sure taught her a thing or two) she's absolutely devastated. And as they go on blissfully unaware that their plans got discovered and that their sweet little Mini is planning revenge. The fic would end up in describing how horribly she feels (emotionally ruined) and then promises "I'll ruin you too."

First fic ends on that and the others are on how she sabotages her own work on the spaceship (impossible to fix without $$$$$$$ or $$$$ and a small enough engineer) and leaves butu not before writing a blunt note that the ship's unusable. She wants to ruin one guy, not kill them (and possible other tfs).

Tl;dr she gets sued but wins easily proving she's right and exposing all the bs the guy did. Tbh harder than that was only keeping her dads (@president-alpine 's Knight Strike and Aeronaut) from going murder mode on the guy but after some ups and downs she managed to convince them not to blow things out of proportion. From then on she's more careful with dating (not even in mood for them tbh) but eventually she finds that special someone once she's ready <3

[just-another-miserable-prick]

Due to popular demand of one whole person (@land-of-diesel-10), the first of many OCs, Ella! My beloved axe-wielding shortstack, her In The Sky!design specifically :D

Since she's an OC, and I haven't talked much about her, here's a little rant about my girl:

Her backstory, summed up as best to my ability (that is to say, ya'll are in for one hell of an angsty ride):

Ella, with her fleet of siblings (364 of them to be exact, reference to the MÁV 424 class of steam engines she's based on) worked for the AU's equivalent of MÁV, high up in the sky. Nothing special there. Well, working for this shitshow of a company is a nightmare, so Ella, along with her siblings, tended to try and fly as far away as they could. Unfortunately, they aren't able to get very far.

After literal decades of the roster's shenanigans (one of which resulted in Ella getting the axe she's holding in the drawings), staff decide they have enough of their antics and chain and lock them all up in an old, abandoned station with limited supplies.

They planned to come back for them, planned being the operative words here, but times change, as do people in charge and eventually, they're all forgotten.

Days turned into weeks, months, years, the weakest of the bunch dying in what ended up being a decade-long "adventure". Out of the 365 siblings, 19 remain, Ella being one of them.

As the last 19 tried passing the time, hoping for someone to find them, or death at that point, Sir Topham Hatt, with Edward came to Hungary for some sort of meeting I haven't completely fleshed out yet. The latter ended up hearing the remaining few trying to get themselves noticed by singing songs as loud as they could manage.

Since this post is already very long, let me summarize: Edward checked the old station, just to make sure he hadn't gone completely nuts, while STH did his own thing. Finding the sight of his chained up bretheren, he stood still for a second, then ran for STH, who, along with whichever executive he was talking to, was shocked, to say the least, to find 19 workers chained up and locked away from the outside world.

One thing lead to the next, and now those 19 live their happiest lives on the Island of Sodor, free from the figurative and literal chains of their home country.

Personality:

Ella is a sassy goofball, always down to pull a prank. She's actually not very social, tending to spend time by herself if given the option, but she gladly chit-chats with her coworkers-turned-friends during the day. She's also very observant, reading anyone like an open book. This caused her to not be approached often by many, mostly those who tried to fake something about themselves to her.

She loves to read and draw, and she's not a stranger to writing either, stories in general being something that she's living for. Gardening is another hobby of hers.

As for things she dislikes, there aren't many actually. One of said few though, is tight spaces. If you read her backstory, which I hope you did if you're this deep into the post, you know why (-> why she has cieling-to-floor windows in her room).

What does she think of her new coworkers?

Thomas: He's a tiny gremlin child and she loves him like a son.

Edward: She and her siblings literally owe him their lives, so immediate respect. Ella in particular sees him as a father figure.

Henry: They're both introverts and have many things in common. From their dislike of tight spaces, to their interest in gardening. She looks up to him like that one cousin who always seems to have an answer.

Gordon: She sees him as a brother, something she'd never admit to his face. That in all senses of the word: she'd try to beat him up in a heartbeat, but will also do anything in her power to make him as happy as she can. They're both fucked up and vibe in peace.

James: She thinks he's annoying as fuck, yet also very fun to be around. His apparent obsession with his clean, pristine uniform never fooled her, thanks to her ability to read anyone like a book. Overall fine, can be a bit much at times.

Percy: "My caterpillar son :)" that's literally it. She loves him like a mother loves her son.

Toby and Henrietta: they're like grandparents to her, they're normally the ones she'll go to rant about her day, or James.

[dracowars]

I was wondering if you can write one with harry for me? Where harry and reader are dating around when sirius died in order of the phoenix and harry is very depressed about the stiuation and slowly disassociates from the reader and when he/she wanted to talk about it and lighten the weight on his shoulders harry says sth to reader along the lines "you are not my family and you are not my home" and a big fight eventually harry realises what he has done and gets very upset bc he loves her/him so much. They eventually make up but i want drama and tears you know lol i will be very happy if you can write this!!

don't shut me out | harry potter

pairing: harry x gryffindor!reader

word count: 2,5k

summary: where harry shuts y/n out after sirius' death

a/n: my first harry one shot, yayy! thank you for sending in this request <3

warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of death

universe: harry potter

"Please write an essay about the effects of the Anti-Paralysis Potion until next week", Professor Snape grimly finishes his lesson and immediately chaotic murmur breaks out in the classroom when all the other students pack up their things and leave for their well deserved break.

You on the other hand calmly close your book and slowly slide it into your bag before getting up from your seat with a sigh, but not without taking another look at the empty seat in front of you first.

Harry did not show up for class again today. This is the third time this week and even when he is in one of his courses, his mind is not there with him.

A week ago he returned to the common room, devastated, and Ron and Hermione even had to support him so he would not fall over. The only thing you knew at that time was that they were on a secret mission at the Ministry of Magic, but you did not know what a terrible disaster happened.

Harry did not exchange a word with you and went straight to bed that evening, leaving you behind confused and ignorantly until Hermione told you about the recent events. Sirius Black, Harry's godfather and last living relative, was killed right in front of his eyes through his own cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. While Hermione told you what happened, tears were already uncontrollaby streaming down your face.

You knew exactly how much he meant to Harry.

Now that Harry has also lost the last remaining member of his family, he has shut himself off completely, hiding from the world, from his friend and also from you. Any attempts to talk to him have failed, but you keep a close eye on him everyday.

If he does not shown up at dinner again, you bring him a plate full of his favorite food to his room, even if it is without his consent, just to find it barely touched in the morning. If he misses another of his lessons again, you always take even more detailed notes than usual that you later give him so he is able to catch up on what he has missed so far, just to watch the pile grow bigger and bigger.

Every time you enter his room, it breaks your heart when you have to see how your boyfriend, whose face has lost all color by now, looks at you with such sad eyes and cannot even utter a different word at you than a simple 'thank you'. It pains you to see him like this, but he won't let you get to him anymore, he won't let you or his best friends help him.

He shuts himself off the world completely.

"Ms. Y/L/N", Snape suddenly approaches you as you are about to make your way out of the classroom. You look up at your grouchy professor, full of expectation and also a little scared.

"Tell Potter if he does not show up for my class one more time, he will fail", he explains seriously and you can only nod while his cold stare is fixed on you. "Very good."

Turning around, you quickly run out of the door and meet Ron and Hermione in the hallway in front of it, waiting for you.

"What took you so long? I am starving", Ron asks you oblivious as you make your way through the crowd of students in the direction of the Great Hall.

"Snape held me from going. If Harry does not show up for class soon, he will fail in all of his courses", you mutter and your thoughts immediately wander back to him and how he is doing right now.

"Snape can't do that! Dumbledore will not allow it anyway. Everyone knows what happened and no one is this cruel", Hermione breathes out in shock.

"We are still talking about Snape, you know that, right?", Ron replies, only catching an annoyed look from her at his words.

"I will talk to Harry again. Well, at least I will try", you sigh exhaustedly and just before reaching the Great Hall, you leave your friends alone and run up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, entering it after saying the correct password.

Waisting no time, you walk up the stairs to the boys' dormitories and timidly knock on the door. Nothing, not a single sound comes from the inside when you knock a second time.

"Harry? It's me, Y/N. May I come in-"

"Get out!", his voice angrily shouts at you through the door and you back away in shock. There is so much sorrow in his voice, so much pain, so much fear.

So much hate.

"I am not going anywhere", you answer firmly and stand your ground before carelessly opening the door.

The sight that greets you when you enter lets your eyes widen to the maximum. The entire room has been demolished, your carefully written notes scattered in snippets on the floor, his books torn apart next to it and the whole furniture turned over.

And in the middle of it all there is Harry, breathing heavily, as emaciated as you have never seen him before, his hands clenched into fists, his fingernails already painfully digging into his palms. The expression on his face blank when his gaze meets yours.

Without saying a word, you slowly and carefully walk towards him, trying not to stumble over anything on the floor until you stand in front of him. And then you wait.

Wait for him to finally open up to you, wait for him to finally let everything out.

But he turns away.

"Harry", you breathe out barely audible and reach for his hand, which he pulls away in the last second, his eyes on the ground and his back to you.

"Go", he orders, now without any emotion in his voice.

Refusing to listen to his words and let him push you away another time, you circle him to stand right in front of him again.

"I said go!", he aggressively yells at you, but you are quick to catch his face between your hands and lift it up so he has to look at you, taking a good look at him while softly pressing your palms to his cheeks.

His cheeks are still damped from the numerous tears that have flowed over them, and his eyes are glassy, almost fragile.

"I am here for you", you claim in a low voice to not scare him away while you look deep into his eyes, in which you discover nothing but emptiness. "I can help you if you would just let me, Harry. Please don't shut me out."

For a brief moment there is silence, somehow pleasant and safe as it has always been between the two of you. In the next moment, however, your hopes are destroyed.

"I don't need your damn help!", he yells at you again and pulls away from you, running his hands through his hair desperately while you stay frozen in place.

You almost had him.

"You do need me! You can't just lock yourself up here for weeks, Harry!", you raise your voice as well, desperation evident in it.

"You can't tell me what to do!", he loudly shouts and the look he throws at you is again full of nothing but hatred.

"What happened to Sirius is horrible, but you have to move on some day and you can't do that if you do not talk to someone about it. I am your girlfriend and-"

"Exactly. You are just my girlfriend and not my family!", Harry angrily spits out all of a sudden, his words catching you off guard and you could swear how your heart has split into half right at this second. "You are not and never will be my home, get that into your head! I am sick of you, Y/N! How you pamper me like I am a fucking child and never know when to stop!"

"A-Are you serious r-right now?", you let out a trembling sob, the strength to scream at him gone when a tear rolls down your cheek. You look at him with complete disappointment, at the boy whom you love so much, who just hurt you so deep as you would have never imagined him to.

"Get the hell out of here!"

"Do you even hear what you are saying? You do not really mean that. Tell me that you do not mean that, Harry!"

"It is the only thing that I want", he grinds his teeth and you nod understandingly while wiping away your tears.

"Fine. If I can never be your home anyway, then I guess this is where it ends", you sniff and walk past him, your gaze lowered as you go out of the room and let the door slam shut behind you.

And he does not even follow you.

Deeply hurt and with a broke heart, you barely make it to your dorm room, where you slide down the closed door with your back and pull your knees close to your shaking body, weeping bitterly.

You do not know how long you sat there and just cried your eyes out, but when you hear Hermione's worried voice behind you, it is already dark outside and you missed all of your classes.

Exhausted, you let yourself fall into your soft mattress, hiding your tear stained face from your roommates, but of course Hermione immediately senses that something is wrong.

She approaches you carefully as to not frighten you and sits down next to you on your bed, stroking your back up and down soothingly, which in return only makes you cry harder into your pillow. After several minutes you finally manage to calm down and sit up.

Hermione looks at you speechless, does not urge you to tell her about what happened at all, but you do it anyway as it almost gushes out of you. And so you spend the whole night in your bed talking.

The next morning you are sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast, completely exhausted. While Ron allows himself another joke with Hermione, you stare down at your empty plate, your stomach not wanting to be filled.

"Did you finally got Harry back to his senses, Y/N?", Ron asks you out of nowhere, pulling you out of your deep thoughts, and you interpret a teasing tone in his voice.

Your eyes filling with tears in a matter of seconds, you abruptly get up and leave the hall, leaving a confused Ron and an angry Hermione behind as you run back into the common room and into your own room.

Again you let yourself fall to the floor behind the closed door, your arms crossed over your drawn up knees, your forehead resting on top. Without meaning to, your sobs get stronger by every second, shaking through your body while your breath speeds up to an unhealthy pace.

Your head and your heart just do not want to understand that what you and Harry once had is over, once and for all. That you will never wake up in his cozy, warm arms again. That you will never feel his tender touch again. And above all, that you can never look at him the same way you did before.

You lost him for good this time.

The sudden knock on the wooden door behind you causes your head to jerk up in surprise. Not sure if you just imagined it, you stay silent for a moment and hold back your crying.

Another gentle knock.

"Please leave me alone, Hermione", you sniff and lower your head again.

"Y/N", his voice sounds muffled from the other side unexpectedly and your heart leaps painfully.

You always loved the way he pronounced your name, how easily it slides off his tongue. Since your first meeting, back then on platform 9¾ where you immediately fell in love with him head over heels.

Speechless, you are unable to move or say anything, just blinking away your tears.

"I know that you are in there. I can hear you crying", he softly speaks to you through the door and finally causes you to get up from the ground and open the door with a swing.

"What do you want?", you calmly ask him, trying not to show the emotions going through your head right now, and avoid eye contact while playing with the hem of your sweater. It takes a moment for Harry to contain himself, the sight of your fragile figure like pure horror in his eyes.

A sight for which he is guilty. He alone did this to you.

After clearing his throat, he searchs for the right words to make everything alright again, to fix everything he said, anything just so he does not have to see you this devastated. However, there is not a single sound coming out of his mouth.

"If you have nothing to say, get out", you order with all your might and try to sound as serious and emotionless as possible, trying to hold back your rising tears.

At least until you suddenly end up in his warm, safe arms after he pulls you into a bone crushing hug before you could close the door on him. A hug you both needed more than necessary.

"I am such a stupid idiot", Harry whispers in your ear, also having trouble to hide his sadness. "You just wanted to be there for me and I pushed you away even though you could have given me exactly what I needed."

His words only make you more emotional and turn you into a crying mess, your face hiding in his chest. His hand slowly rubs over your back to calm you down. Your legs begin to tremble harder and Harry has to hold you upright with all his strength to not let you fall.

"I-I just could not accept that I was alone", Harry sighs as he listens to your sobs until you finally push yourself weakly away and stand in front of him, an arm's length apart.

"You are not alone", you choke out and Harry gives you a small, tender smile before closing the gap between you and gently placing his hand on your cheek. With his fingers he strokes the strands of hair out of your face that are already stuck to your skin due to the tears.

"I realized that too, sweetheart", he confirms and tilts your head towards him to leave a soft kiss on your forehead. "I can't erase what terrible things I said to and threw at you, but please believe me when I tell you that that I did not mean a single word. I just did not know how to move on and you were there to receive all of my anger.. Do you forgive me?"

"Only if you never shut me out like that again. I will always be here for you and take care of you, Harry. No matter what, I will stay", you answer, also with a tiny smile on your lips and when he returns it before connecting your lips you, the world around you suddenly becomes more colorful and bright again.

"I promise."

[noona96n]

The Guest Ghostbusters AU, you say? I am intrigued. Tell me more, don't be shy, go on, write that fic!

asfghjkldi i can't believe u read my tags lol (for anyone who's interested, i think anon is referring to this reblog)

okay, so, i'm absolutely certain that mb 3 years after canon, Gil Young and Choi Yoon will move in with Hwa Pyung. well, Choi Yoon basically moved in about a year ago but they like to pretend he didn't.

anyway, after finding out that Hwa Pyung is alive, Gil Young and Choi Yoon bulldoze their way back into his life. they visit him every weekend and, when they can't be there physically, they video call/facetime and such. it's also the reason why Choi Yoon finally FINALLY gets a smartphone. well, Gil Young gets that phone for him and tells him to shove it, she's not taking it back, it's a gift. fck that vow of poverty or whatever, he can have the phone bcs he's not the one who bought it.

anyway, one day, in the middle of lunch or whatever, Gil Young was called back to Sangyong for an emergency case or sth so she had to leave asap. Choi Yoon is willing to go back with her but she said she'll come back to pick him up later in the evening. except she couldn't bcs it's a murder case or sth so Choi Yoon has to take a taxi back to Sangyong. except there's no taxi bcs Hwa Pyung lives in the middle of nowhere and it's late af so Choi Yoon decides to just stay the night.

they go on a 5am walk the next morning and Choi Yoon drops by the local church with an old Father. they talk and pray while Hwa Pyung snoops around the church. and then a couple of weeks later, Choi Yoon transfers to the local church in Hwa Pyung's area. he loads all his stuff into Gil Young's trunk one weekend and Gil Young is like ??? and Choi Yoon is just *shrug* and Hwa Pyung is just 'aight, might as well'

the local Father is more than thrilled to have Choi Yoon around and finally gets to retired. Hwa Pyung fishes and visits the church and goes into the confession booth just so he can talk to Choi Yoon.

Choi Yoon lives in the on-site housing (im sorry but idk what the place that priests live in near the churches are called, im not christian. im barely a buddhist lol) anyway, he lives there and Gil Young picks him up on her way to Hwa Pyung's house every weekend.

but, one weekend, after a particularly difficult case, Gil Young is wasted and can't drive back so she crashes at Hwa Pyung's and Choi Yoon's like 'well, there goes my ride' when he can totally walk back to the church. Gil Young stays the night every weekend after that.

and then she starts going there after work on Friday and leave every Monday morning at ungodly hours to get back to the station in time.

and then, one day, Gil Young just... shows up with a fckn ton of luggage with her and claims Hwa Pyung's room as her own ??? and Hwa Pyung is just *sigh*

she transfers to the local police station and eventually retires from active duty after an incident that left her very sick/injured. she becomes a private investigator and goes fish with Hwa Pyung and somehow gets roped into demon hunting with Hwa Pyung and Choi Yoon absolutely loses his shit bcs two supernatural-blind people hunting demons on their own ??? they cant exorcise them what are they thinking ??? cue Choi Yoon internal anxiety going at full force

anyway, further further into the future, Choi Yoon stops caring about his vow of celibacy and officially enters a relationship with Hwa Pyung (bcs im willing to jump hoops for Choi Yoon to throw his vow of celibacy out the windows but unwilling to make Choi Yoon stop being a priest bcs Choi Yoon being a priest means Choi Yoon will be able to save his loved ones in the future + he helped save Hwa Pyung's life (yea i think he managed to exorcise Park Il Do at that beach somehow)). i say officially bcs let's be real, they've been low-key dating since forever, they're just both dumbasses.

anyway, Gil Young be coming back from filing their taxes to see Hwa Pyung bending Choi Yoon over the kitchen counter and she's so pissed but fond of them she throws her shoes at them before leaving and go out to have a smoke in the front porch. and yes she hears them fckn but she's like *smokes* *taps feet* *checks watch* "urgh they're taking so long this time tsk" *rolls eyes* and yes, this time, this isn't the first time she hears/sees them have sexy time

they go on demon hunting adventures together and get thrown in jail every other week and Gil Young phones detective Koh who spends 30mn shouting into his phone but always shows up to bail them out. he also brings them tofu. and his wife's homecook meal bcs he knows they haven't eat shit since their arrest and god knows they need to eat bcs the three of them are more or less dirt poor.

but look, they be struggling to get by and always running head first into danger and complaining about the lack of air-conditioning in the summer and their hot water running out in the winter but u know what, they're happy.

they're happy and that's all that matter.

Hwa Pyung, Gil Young, and Choi Yoon are so incredibly happy and that's all that matter.

[wolkoshka]

i watched the new Gilmore Girls 2016 short season and, despite never actually finishing the actual Gilmore Girls, i still wanted to say that rory and jess are endgame

and here's why 🥰

at first, i found logans character a bit interesting, since he seemed like the person who had it all figured out and helped rory vent basically listened to her as she did that i thought maybe hed turn around and actively pursue her or make his feelings for her clear, but we don't get that, we actually get a very ugly portrayal to his character cheating and two timing his fiance, and the same could be said for rory with her boyfriend, patrick. or was it peter. i forget but suffice to say they don't bring out the best in each other in that sense, esp when it came to rorys conflicted feelings toward logan - he only managed to emotionally confuse her and have her stay in that blurred line between someone significant and being a mistress for a long while, even when he went out of his way to visit her during fall, it was nothing more than a half-assed attempt to still keep doing what they're doing and not about taking the big step and actually fight for a chance to be with her, and it showed how rory really wanted that chance with him. their scenes only managed to make me go colder and colder as they kept interacting, that aside from the sex and his rich privileges, he absolutely offered nothing else and their relationship just took up screen time more than necessary.

now the reason why i think jess is STILL the one for rory is not necessarily bcs i had a huge crush on him (n still do) in the earlier seasons of gg but simply due to the fact that scenes of him calling her out on her BS is gold tier but also once he entered the screen and visited rory and adviced her to write a book about her life and mother, she actually listened and did exactly that.

i actually expected them to just remain friends, close, but still friends who've outgrown their teenage love and eventually went their separate ways, but the fact that jess still got rory, still knew exactly which words to say and which advice to give, sth not even logan could provide despite sleeping/seeing her for MONTHS on end, made me realize jess is just on a whole another league of his own.

i think the showrunners did a good job keeping him off screen as rory got her life together, bcs he's the kind of character that can only add to her life and she wasn't emotionally ready for that and i don't think she still is, but the way she ran out and basically geeked out over the fact that she wrote the first three chapters of her book to jess and did her happy dance and ran back inside the house, just shows how much she actually values his place in her life, even if she doesn't really fully understand it yet.

a long post, but yeah, Jess and Rory for life baby.

[hcrwish]

i just do not have the energy to write out detailed verse pages and history and what not so here's a short blurb about verses.

ARK days- obviously its during her time alive aboard the ARK

Revived au- there was a second capsule ejected so my hc for this verse is another ARK staff/scientist put maria into it and into a sort of cryostasis which is found later by Eggman who finds a cure for her disease.

Revived au: Future ( aka The Other Dr. Robotnik)- in which Maria grows up to become a professor with many degrees in several different fields pertaining to the planet in Spagonia University.

Comic- based on the original STH comic series in which Shadow finds an interactive program with ARK simulated archives/memories of Maria and Gerald. In comics it corrupts and degrades, but Tails and Nicole manage to save a fragment and rebuild it allowing Shadow to engage with a simulated version of Maria and Gerald that's been created/compiled from ARK video and data.

Sonic Boom- Eggman has his grandfather Gerald on the mainland, who's also a brilliant scientist, but Gerald doesn't initially know that Eggman is evil and so whenever Gerald and Maria visit Eggman pretends he's a good guy. Eventually Maria catches on and lingers on the island to keep tabs on him. Shadow (just on my hc) has no memory of his creation in Gerald's labs due to some freak accident and went missing till he was found again by Maria on a vist and she's determined to help him remember them.

SatBK- Maria takes the role of Guinevere, but is cursed/spelled/trapped by the Black Knight/King to remain in a singular space due to her advocacy for helping the kingdom's people. Lancelot formerly served the late King Gerald and swore to protect Guinevere as best as he was able till they were both taken into the Black Knight's kingdom till later that Maria is trapped to one location deemed the ARK of safety.

[denkilightning]

zuma timeline aka im finally writing all the trauma shit down pls bear w/ me

(tw: rape, csa, child abuse of multiple kinds, fires, burns, death, scars, trauma, suicide attempt, organized crime groups)

ill keep it in a age - what happens chart so it’s easier to keep up with

0 - 6 - baby denki is born in malibu, when he’s 5 and get’s his electric part of his quirk* he and his family move to eureka, california 

6 - 6,5 - baby denki and family (without charles and tora, denki’s sister and her gf) move to japan, saitama 

6,5 - (24.12) the raid happens, lead by eandevor and planned by shakai. denki watches his mom (reine) die in a fire, almost dies in a fire himself. dad kaminari (daichi) gets taken by the police to tartarus, but denki doesn’t know that and he thinks his dad is dead. denki gets taken by HPSC officials to make him a perfect hero like they did with hawks

7 - right after denki ‘starts his training’, falling under shakai’s (his handler) care, he starts planning his suicide. after few months he attempts, and fails. in consequence he loses the water part of his quirk and develops a quirk disability, and he goes hard of hearing. he spends next few months in physical therapy filled with emotional abuse, constantly drugged with quirk repressants and gaslighted. he meets keigo.

8 - denki’s assigned role changes, instead of a pro hero he’s trained to be an assassin. he’s also given the name ‘zuma’. given zuma’s cold, distant and stubborn nature (SzPD + ASD), zuma’s trainers and instructors, as well as shakai, start to physically abuse him.** shakai’s emotional and psychological abuse keeps on going. zuma and keigo’s relationship grows to be sibling-like

9 - 11 - (rape tw) shakai takes zuma to venice, italy. the main plan is to exploit zuma as much as she can, and then kill him indirectly. to do that, she ties with organized crime group (mafia veneta). in overall consequence, for three years zuma gains assassin experience (and he’s damn good at assassinating people), claiming an incredibly high body count, while for the same three years he’s sexually abused by one of the italian mobs (no i did not bother to give him a name yet, ill get to it eventually), and psychologically, financially, emotionally and physically abused by shakai. because of zuma excelling at his job, shakai decides to keep him alive. when zuma finds out shakai wanted him to die, venice massacre happens. (here should be a link to a post describing what happened at the massacre, but it doesn’t exist yet). zuma develops an eating disorder.

12 - shakai and zuma come back to japan. keigo takes zuma into his custody, becoming zuma’s legal guardian. (*finger guns* AAYYYYYYY- sorry sorry im serious now) keigo also lets zuma to cut his hair, that’s been long, impractical, and annoying. 

13 - 15 - nothing really happens that i thought of, unless i forgot of sth. untreated trauma, personality disorders (PPD, SzPD, STPD)

15 - zuma applies to ua, as a way to run away from shakai. he (against his will) keeps his jobs as a HPSC assassin.

also he ends up in QPR with shinsou, becomes an underground pro hero, a pro-hero-medic, and bakusquad agency’s manager. FIGHT ME ABOUT IT.

*here’s a post about denki being a double elementalist - electric and aqua type

** that is an incredibly shitty ass excuse, no one, especially a fucking traumatized child, deserves to be abused. im noting that just to point out that most of the abuse he’s encountered is rooted in ableism, and some is rooted in racism.

additional notes:

if you wonder why charles didn’t do anything about denki’s situation: she thought he was dead the entire time. HPSC literally falsed denki and daichi’s deaths. in records denki kaminari died at the age of 6.

daichi dies when denki’s 17 

if you ask why denki’s age of 6,5 matters: it doesn’t i just figured the date when the raid happened

fuck shakai, ill have the time of my life killing her off, but keep in mind yall that she’s following the circle of abuse. most of shit she does is because she’s been abused, too. it doesn’t excuse her actions at all, tho obviously. also she’s been only abusing denki, not both keigo and denki, so additional fuck you @ her.

both of the abusers die before denki :) very painful deaths if i have to say anything about it :) (/no sarcasm)

[meanscarletdeceiver]

ex-engine on the run

So, funny thing about @togetherness23‘s recent post about a TTTE dream she had... I’ve had a TTTE dream this week too. It’s only the second one I ever had, and the wild thing is that it’s from the same period as B’s!—when Edward was out of commission prior to the beginning of the series. 

Sweet Lady, What Weird Ways Are These.

Mine was also dark? Not as dark as B’s, mind you! But it was rather unpleasant to experience, and really unsettling when I woke. (In a sort of neat way, though? Like a nice low-key spooky movie. But that will sound weird if you read it, because I don’t think telling you what happens conveys the ‘creepy’ ‘unnatural’ and ‘unhappy/lost/alone/desperate’ emotions that it was all drenched in.) 

I wasn’t going to write it up just now... but then I noticed that it’s “Traintober Day 12: Lost,” and... yeah, that really kind fits. Here we go. “Lost.” 

My dream actually turned into a humanization thing? I felt the whole “being a steam engine” thing for a while, without much clue or context as to what was going on, but at some point I was sort of... spat out? And then the PoV shifted a bit, and lo and behold, I was no longer an engine but definitely able to observe a confused and shaky humanized Edward kind of freaking out. 

Apparently in my dream-world engines just sort of, I dunno, spontaneously manifest a human form when they’ve been out of steam too long? And when you do, you can have a total freak-out and resume your engine form... but you also can elect to go exploring and try to make some sort of new life. Useful, really, if this is because you’ve been abandoned or decommissioned. 

It made sense in my subconscious, okay?

Edward was able to go back and forth between forms fairly easily, though, and did so a lot, obviously conflicted. I guess that sticking with the human thing was to sort of give up on his engine life (and maybe my conscious mind was, like... wait, I know how this story ends, he must go back to being an engine). Anyway Edward himself seemed to have thought it was too early to bounce just yet, and that he "ought” to go back to being a good engine and just continue waiting and hoping for his luck to change. But he was never quite sure he’d be able to go back to human if he rejected it too often. And the curiosity was overpowering, so he started “just” sneaking around the sheds and yards... and eventually Vicarstown station...

It wasn’t all that... chronological from there, but I slipped in and out of these adventures for a while. Our boy managed to snag a job as a cleaner of some sort...

... and rode a train to Tidmouth! He was stymied by the lack of money thing, though. Like, he knew he needed a ticket to get on board—and thought himself a pretty smart cookie for remembering—but he had no idea that he would have to give some money in exchange for the ticket, and after a massively socially uncomfortable scene the kind soul behind him just paid for him and brushed off any further contact (it was a shadowy faceless figure, I think my subconscious got lazy there). So Edward took an uncomfortable ride and, irony of ironies, seemed to get terribly motion sick...

... soon totally got rumbled by STH who was like “of COURSE. did you seriously not think I’d know you?” with Edward kind of like ‘... literally thought you’d forgotten I existed, so yeah, basically’ (definitely not language actually used, he kind of... broke, and was speechless, but that was the idea, and I could feel it, and it was painful)...

... oh, wait, I forgot learning how to walk, which appeared to be trés difficult and weirdly like a spider or a tripod sort of deal? in hindsight hilarious but at the time terrifying, not least of all because Edward himself was terrified and like What Are Legs And Whose Idea Were They? These Are Soooo Unstable, MAJOR Design Flaw...  

... at one point totally and with great enthusiasm licked coal dust off his fingers, freaking his new colleagues out... 

... at another point tried to venture further into Vicarstown, out of sight of any rails or railway edifices, just to see what it was like Beyond, and that didn’t go so well either because it resulted in a panic attack...

... lol, in retrospect, weird though this situation is, I don’t know how he wasn’t rumbled by everyone. these all sound like hilariously obvious tells... anyway... 

... totally got jumped and lost his first pay because he was damn oblivious to the most evil-looking thugs on the most evil-looking shadowy corner in the universe... 

... and it’s actually odd that it came to that, because Edward was also damn oblivious to the fact that he was being shadowed by one or two other men throughout much of this. (Honestly Edward was just a human baby in the body of a twenty-three-year old. It would have been a scream except I legit always felt he was in danger.) I was left with the distinct impression that these two had been sent by STH, who was really Not On with the idea of Edward roaming around—as in, had explicitly forbade him to do it, but Edward had countered by not-really-truthfully claiming that he was stuck in human form and thus couldn’t disappear altogether?—and I think STH, knowing that Edward wouldn’t stay put, had dispatched these two as minders. Also got the impression that they might have been the crew that Edward eventually winds up with? Maybe at some point they’d reveal themselves and persuade him to return?... 

... but overall, I definitely felt like the dream was moving towards better and better integration into human world. And I think some level of my consciousness was trying to resist this. But I kept feeling acutely Edward’s own overpowering sense of ‘I’d like to get back in steam again more than anything, but if that’s not going to pan out, then... I might just go on the run, evade STH altogether, and figure out this human thing. And be heartbroken forever? Not sure about that but might be willing to find out.’ 

Anyway, woke up before any closure. Of Course. 

Now I’m left with Emotional Aesthetic, a surprisingly large amount of detail, and a vague sense that “ability to opt out of engine form at the ‘end of the line’” is a really fruitful headcanon/AU that I absolutely do not have time for. 

[baragakiscans]

Firstly, sorry for losing the post to your ask! Tumblr shitty UI stuff happened and I accidentally deleted the draft TvT (they should make an option for asks to reappear if the draft answer got deleted or sth smh)

Secondly, IM SO SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST AAAAA

I tried to keep the explanations short like I did for Saraba (even that was pretty long) but then the more I tried the longer it became, and in the end what was supposed to be my take on like 2 pages of this book became this extremely long in-depth analysis of the entire book  _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_  But I mean, I’ve agonised over the translations for this book for almost half a year and I have Lots of Feelings about it because GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK

Anyway, Makkura is another one of those books with a lot of hidden layers that can be unpacked from the story with multiple rereads. Unlike Saraba where some things were intentionally left open to interpretation (I think), though, this book is slightly more straightforward, and I’d like to offer my take on the story.

Long post and Makkura spoilers below the cut!

At the beginning of the story, Gintoki and Hijikata were already dating (secretly-but-not-so-secretly). They’ve clearly been dating for a while now; Hijikata coming over to Gintoki’s place to stay the night (though he’d usually be gone by morning), mayonnaise in the Yorozuya fridge, etc… Though their displays of affection were rather subdued, to the onlooker (and everyone else around them) these two idiots were so obviously crazy in love with each other 💕💕 However, there is something that seems a little… off about their relationship, and this something would have continued lurking in the shadows…

The beginning of the end…?

…Had Gintoki not lost all of his memories of his relationship with Hijikata. Gone was the man who would become agitated at the mere thought of his beloved going into danger; the man before Hijikata now barely knew him, and the thought of dating the Demon Vice Commander would never have crossed his mind.

Imagine waking up to find out that your boyfriend has forgotten all about his relationship with you and makes THIS face at the mere thought of shacking up with you

What Hijikata did next may seem illogical at first (and don’t get me wrong, it really is), but it makes a bit more sense once you realise what exactly was off about their relationship.

You see, Hijikata didn’t think that he was good enough for Gintoki.

If you’re familiar with Syaku’s works, you may have noticed a particular trope being rather common: Hijikata and/or Gintoki falling in love with the other, yet not taking the step forward because they were afraid of getting in the way of the other’s creed—to protect.

Looks familiar? ;)

In Makkura, they did manage to take that step forward (regardless of who made that step first), but even so, there’s always been a niggling doubt somewhere in the back of Hijikata’s mind that maybe—just maybe—Gintoki would be better off without him. Hijikata would do everything in his power to protect the Shinsengumi, and he knows that Gintoki would do the same to protect those he holds dear. It just didn’t occur to him that he was one of them, too. Instead, he was afraid of Gintoki straying from his path because of him.

Gintoki losing his memories was like a wake-up call to Hijikata, that his relationship with Gintoki was too good to be true—and if it will all come to an end eventually anyway, then he should be the one to pull the plug first, especially since the perfect opportunity to reset everything to a clean state has presented itself. He pretended that nothing happened between the two of them. He told Gintoki to “Forget about all this. Everything.” He tried to convince himself that he should make a clean break and completely remove himself from Gintoki’s life, and be content with merely watching from afar.

Maybe Hijikata thought that since he and Gintoki never confirmed their relationship, the people around them will just shrug it off, or won’t notice the change in behaviour. But needless to say, everyone around them immediately noticed that something was wrong. And they even had Hijikata’s inner thoughts all figured out.

The Shinsengumi members know their vice commander too well XD

Even Gintoki himself had managed to put two and two together, but he just couldn’t figure out why he fell in love with the man with whom he always fights like cats and dogs. And since Hijikata himself was so adamant on nothing happening, all he could do was watch as the man-who-is-apparently-his-lover-but-he-somehow-forgot told him to stay out of his way. That’s why, it’s up to everyone else to restore Gintoki’s memories and get these two idiots back together.

While the Yorozuya kids were scrambling to find the antidote, Hijikata opted to go down the slippery slope of self-abandonment by meeting the pervert Bakufu official despite knowing full well what might happen to him. He thought it was all for the sake of the Shinsengumi, but seeing Gintoki down the hallway jolted him back to his senses and made him realise just how wrong he was. He realised the reason why he was actually doing this—to see if Gintoki would come to his aid, to see if Gintoki was still the man he knows and love. He realised that he doesn’t want to give his body to anyone anymore—anyone else, that is. He realised just how truly madly deeply in love he was with Gintoki.

What indeed…

By the time he realised this, though, it already seemed too late; it didn’t seem like Gintoki was going to save him. So, he resolved to keep his memories of Gintoki as a happy dream, and was ready to succumb to despair—when Gintoki finally comes to the rescue! (Not sure if Yamazaki didn’t press the button on purpose here) Of course, Gintoki was pissed off that Hijikata would do something this reckless. So he told Hijikata, “You should treasure yourself more…” (BTW, the original Japanese really only had “You should _______ more…”, I had to fill in the blanks) That’s when Hijikata realised that he was right all along; Gintoki hasn’t changed, even without Hijikata’s memories. And that’s all he needed to know.

And over in this exhibit we have the exact moment when Gintoki fell in love all over again

Right when Gintoki was about to profess his love say something to Hijikata, the kids finally arrive with the antidote! And Sougo even figured out that Gintoki doesn’t really need the antidote anymore since he’s in back in love with Hijikata XD But of course Gintoki wants to remember. Of course he wants to remember all about his time together with the man he now knows he loves. He drinks the antidote—

Ohhhh boy shit’s about to go DOWN

—And we arrive at the emotional climax of the story. Gintoki’s furious—Of course he would be; his lover just tried to erase himself from his life, thinking that it was for his sake! Gintoki thought that Hijikata had underestimated him—in a way, he’s right; Hijikata had underestimated just how much Gintoki needs him. He knew that Gintoki loves him, but he also thought that Gintoki should forsake him for the sake of those he wants to protect.

That’s why Gintoki let Hijikata know just how much he means to him. He has already come to know all of him, so he can’t ever bring himself to let him go. That’s when Hijikata started to realise that he was wrong about Gintoki, and wrong about himself. He meant much more to Gintoki than he ever thought he did.

This led to the one exchange that I wrote out this entire analysis for—

Did I really write 1800 words just for this? Yes. Yes I did.

If Hijikata really meant so much to him, then does that mean Gintoki would have tried to erase himself from Hijikata’s world for his sake, too? Gintoki doesn’t think so, but that’s after everything that has happened so far. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it if their positions really were reversed at the beginning of the story? They both know that, because they both hold on so dearly to the same beliefs, the same pride.

That led to Gintoki throwing the question back at Hijikata—does that mean Hijikata would fall in love with Gintoki again even without his memories, just like Gintoki did? In asking this, Gintoki was telling Hijikata that, even if he were to do the same, deep down, he would still want Hijikata to fall in love with him again. And that’s when Hijikata realised—it was the same for him, too.

At that point, the two of them came to the same conclusion—neither of them can live without the other anymore. Yet, even if their positions were reversed, they would still have done the same. And even if that were to happen, they would still arrive at this same conclusion. They both love the other too much to let go; yet, they both love the other so much that they’d be willing to let go. Now that they both know this, their bond has become truly unbreakable.

Hijikata’s reply was therefore an affirmation—

“Even so, you’d have done the same. Even so, I’ll still fall in love with you.”

That’s just the way both of them are.

And so, at the end of the story, we now have Gintoki who wants Hijikata to know just how much he loves him (maybe becoming more possessive in the process?), and Hijikata who now knows just how much Gintoki loves him, and has come to forgive himself for loving him. Their relationship is one full of contradictions, yet no matter what happens, they will both find their way back to the place where they belong—in (or should I say on?) each other’s arms.

Look at the how much love there is in Hijikata’s eyes just LOOK AT IT AAAAA

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Makkura is one of my top Ginhiji doujins of all time! I really really hope that my translation managed to do it justice, and I hope my ramblings were coherent enough TvT 

If you’ve managed to read this far, do give Makkura a reread and you just might see it in a different light ;) Of course, my interpretation might be different from what Syaku intended to present, so feel free to come up with your own interpretations as well!

Also, halfway through writing this I found an analysis by @mugimarumaru over in the MRM comments section, so do check it out as well :>

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and hope you have a nice day~

(I wish I’d put in this much effort in my college essays)

- JJ

(P.S. The REAL question here: if their roles were reversed would that make it a Hijigin book 🤔🤔🤔)

[papa-1-rights-activist]

Could you tell us some things about your characters?

thank you so much for this ask :D sorry for such a late response, but ngl i got very excited and started writing shit down as soon as i saw it, but then it turned into an entire essay and i had to cut down a ton of stuff until i decided to write it in a list of some sort kjhgkjfgkfg

currently i have like 11 fan characters in total so i will start with 4 to not infodump too much at a time

and i’ll admit that literally all of these guys were made for shipping purposes, but they all have different personalities and dynamics with canon characters. i’m such a sucker for writing couples, so many things to explore, that’s like my favourite thing ;w;

it got very long so imma put it under the cut \o/ (hopefully it works bc tumblr has been pretty unpredictable lately)

sorry if it’s probably way more than just “some things” but i couldn’t help it, i just love these guys so much and i don’t get to talk about them often u v u

e n j o y ~

imma start with the one you guys are more familiar with

Lucas

one of the cardinals in Ghost’s church

Mexican

in his late 40s (like 46-47)

hardworking, ambitious

pretty composed

huge „your teacher from english class who’s also a dad” energies

his character can be summed up to, as someone has said, „he’d kindly but sternly correct your shitty posture”

currently takes the 3rd place of most „best employee of the month” awards (Copia is 4th at that time)

he and Copia start off as rivals for the 2nd place (bc no one can beat whoever is the 1st)

but wouldn’t you guessed it, they end up dating

Lucas has a fair collection of various rodents, including rats. Actually, he’s the one who infected Copia with love for them. Luc prefers ferrets (that’s a rodent right kjhfgkjgh)

he doesn’t really get angry, but when he does he really goes off

he writes poetry, which is actually very, very bad, but Copia loves it to bits which makes Luc feel validated to write more

because his language is so similar to italian, Lucas can implement a lot of spanish into his conversations with Copia, while the other will reply in italian and they will still understand each other (ofc there are some exceptions that result in miscommunication, but that just makes it all more fun)

Copia shared with him that he’s writing music for his album (even tho he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone) and Lucas was more than happy to help him in the process…which was mostly moral support and a few suggestions.

he loves calling Copia “cariño”, “mi amorcito”, “mi alegría” and other cute names in spanish

once Lucas mentioned he used to play flute and Copia immediately decided to include a flute solo in one of his songs, so Luc could play it. Unfortunately things didn’t go as he planned and he had to change it to sax solo

The thing about Lucas is that Imperator sees him as a threat. She’s been plotting with Copia to get him to papacy for a long time, but in the end she isn’t the one who decides who will be in charge, so Copia has to work hard to deserve it. He was already a hard worker, but unfortunately Lucas works harder. It creates this dillema for Copia, bc on one hand he does want to become Papa and in order to do that he has to get rid off competition. But on the other he loves Lucas and he wants what’s best for him.

(i’ll probably post the pic above in a separate post with other doodles, i just wanted to show sth new and relevant)

Elise & Greg

Imma put these two together bc it’s impossible to talk about one without the other.

they work together in a company that takes art commisions such as paintings & murals and their restorations. They’re both pretty skilled in those departments, except Elise specialises in art restoration while Greg specialises in murals and frescos. And ofc one day they’re hired by the church.

they’re both pretty good at painting (but the thing about restoration is that you don’t have to be a great artist to do that, it has more to do with chemistry tbh)

They live together and have been very good friends for a few years now

they both went through some traumatic events in their lives, but maybe i’ll leave that part for another day (or i’ll leave it in my fanfic they’re from that i need to finish ;w;)

they’re very supportive of each other, but also they like to mess with one another

their chat is filled with horny texts about other people

Elise

34 years old

British

a bit awkward, tends to stutter when nervous

very sweet overall, feels the need to be everyone’s therapist

autistic, which shows mostly through her sensitivity to certain textures

hates onions (bc the texture is awful)

gets very emotional very quickly when she sees cute animals. She will use her baby talk to speak with them (which is sth that Copia does too with his rats and once he catches her doing that as well, he feels less embarrased about it)

Cirrus was the first one from the church to actually talk to her and show her around, making her feel a bit more welcome in an unfamiliar place

she talks through her sleep. A lot. Copia finds it very amusing…and adorable.

she discovers that Papa III has fallen hard for her friend way before he himself realises that, but then she’s also the kind of person to not see her own feelings for someone

she finds working on restoration quite relaxing. It’s sth she can fixate over and do for hours (even tho it’s not recommended)

a bit of a workaholic

another thing she finds relaxing is sitting in a corner somewhere warm and doodling people she sees around the abbey (mostly those she finds attractive lol so mostly Cirrus and Copia)

eventually ends up with Copia and Cirrus in a poly relationship

she also finds Cumulus cute, but the ghoulette isn’t interested in another romantic relationship. the one she has with Cirrus is enough for her.

Elise’s relationship with Copia is basically two dorks trying to impress the other while trying not to be too obvious about it, while her relationship with Cirrus is bisexual equivalent of „shy nerd has a crush on a cool girl leading the cheerleaders squad and shopes she doesn’t know. She knows.”

(had to doodle sth real quick bc i can’t believe that i don’t have a single good pic of him lol)

Greg

37 years old

Polish (bc ofc he is)

pretty stoic, might come off as cold

he gives cute nicknames to people he likes (in polish ofc)

he’s actually pretty cheesy and wholesome, but you wouldn’t know that bc he shows his affection through a language that no one understands (which is what he wants, he doesn’t want others to know he actually cares)

has some trust issues, so it’s harder for him to become friends with people

huge Scorpions fan. no, like really, he’s obsessed and will share his music taste with whoever will listen (which is mostly Eli and Papa III lol)

knows a few words in italian, but mostly those related to art after he’s been studying it for a few years. He doesn’t speak it, but he can read it.

he owns a guitar signed by Kirk Hammett (his musical crush)

he’s the kind of guy who will call the person he likes „my dear”, „my love”, „sweet pea” in his mother language and then tell that person it means „dickhead”, „loser” and „lazy ass”

his stay at the abbey is just laying under the ceiling and doing fresco for most of the day, visiting Elise in her art studio and dealing with Papa’s bullshit

Papa eventually starts coming up to lay beside Greg on the construction and watch him work. They tend to just lay in silence while a mix of Scorpions and ABBA plays from the radio. There’s barely any space for a second person, but Greg would lie if he said he didn’t find it endearing.

one time Greg fell off the construction and broke his leg bc of that dumbass (but it’s his dumbass uwu)

anyway he eventually starts dating Papa III

Papa purrs to Greg in italian and Greg speaks sweet words to him in polish (tho it took him a lot of time to get comfortable with that)

their relationship is your typical „1 brain cell and 1 dumbass” and under certain circumstances simply „2 disastrous dumbasses”

they once burnt down Elise’s apartment on accident and the only things they managed to save were the art supplies and Greg’s guitar

anyway

here are these guys in comparison to their partners in this silly style, bc all the other drawings are outdated ;w;

Melea

45 years old

American

fashion designer commissioned byt the Ghost’s church

huge fan of old rock

for a long time her relationship with Papa III was purely professional. He came to her studio, she took some measurements, they discussed what he would like and then he left and they didn’t see each other until the next meeting to try the outfit on, to make some changes, or for another project.

well that is until she asked him to stop putting his face paint on so he wouldn’t ruin the fabrics

i share this popular headcanon that Papa III is pretty self conscious about his clean face, so it was kind of hard to convince him at first

eventually their sessions became that much more personal because of that

she’s a bit superstitious, believing that some things may cause bad luck

collects crystals with good energy

she’s in a way a modern witch…but it’s not like she tries to be one

knows french fairly well, which allows her to talk to Papa (who also speaks it) when they don’t want others to understand them.

huge mum energy

loooves watching conspiracy theories. Sometimes she will pick one of the more ridiculous ones during her sessions with Papa and will argue and try to convince him it’s true, making it seem like she fully believes it, even if she doesn’t – just to fuck with him

and a few times she actually did convince him. Then had to tell him she wasn’t serious and oh my god the millenials aren’t killing the pillow industry by going vegan

anyway at some point they start dating which eventually leads to them getting married ;w;

her relationship with Papa is very soft and romantic. they have the same energy as Morticia and Gomez in regard of how loving they are to each other

also some chibis of these two bc again, all the other drawings are a bit outdated ;w;