#i mean also yennefer and triss at rivia but the thing is that they were taking a brave last stand

[hanzajesthanza]

reynevan is the most relatable protag because he started summoning a demon—like a literal demon from hell—and then had a panic attack and started getting really scared and freaking out and messing up the words halfway through and fucked it up and almost died

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Whump you say? Geralt gets Hanahaki

I’ve been waiting for you, Anon. I’ve been waiting for this prompt specifically and boy when I tell you I might have cried writing it...

2k ish (a little less) words long. Idk why y’all were worried, it’s me. It’s gonna have a happy ending.

tw: Hanahaki, blood mention, illness, angst with a happy ending, whump with a happy ending ---

It had started up just before they parted ways for the winter; Geralt had quietly coughed a handful of rose petals into the corner of his cloak and hidden them from sight as Jaskier gave him their yearly parting embrace. “See you in the spring, Geralt!”

“Hmm.”

You might not ever see me again, actually, the Witcher thought. He tried not to let anything show on his face; not his fear and certainly not his longing, but he ached to tell Jaskier that he loved him and that he’d miss the bard’s presence through the long and dreary cold of the winter months. Geralt also knew that if he told Jaskier the truth about his feelings that he may never set eyes on the bard again anyway, regardless of how the disease currently wracking his body developed over their time apart. He was sure that Vesemir could identify whatever the strange illness was; the old swordmaster might even have a cure ready to go in the old storeroom. If not, they could send for Triss. 

“Safe travels.”

“And you as well,” Geralt nodded curtly. He mounted Roach with all his usual grace and ease, biting back another cough and tasting the sickly sweet floral note of rose rising up his throat to coat his tongue again. 

---

“Fuck,” Vesemir sighed. “It’s Hanahaki disease, Geralt. It’s not going to be easy to cure now that the pass is full of snow.”

“What’s Hanahaki disease?”

“It’s-” the eldest Wolf Witcher scrubbed his hand over his bearded face and took a moment to compose himself. He’d seen it happen before. He’d seen human bodies buried in the ground with entire root systems crawling from their chest cavities. He’d watched young men and women alike cough entire violet or rose or daisy buds from their mouths while they shivered with fever and seemingly unending pain, but a Witcher? Vesemir hadn’t even thought it was possible for a Witcher to contract such a frivolously deadly illness. “I don’t know exactly how to explain this to you, Geralt.”

“I won’t go screaming into the hills, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” his middle-child joked, “I can’t run very far anymore without a coughing fit.”

“I can’t send for Triss or Yennefer, either. They won’t be able to do anything,” Vesemir spoke calmly and evenly. Geralt, propped against some pillows on adoptive-father-enforced bed rest raised an eyebrow. “It’s a disease that eats at you from the inside out. It latches on to, uhm, romantic feelings and grows with them until it overtakes its host completely. Or until the host, uh… confronts those feelings head on and admits them to the object of their affection.”

“So this is…” Geralt’s eyes were wide and terrified. The eldest Wolf had never seen the stoic boy look quite so scared before, and he’d seen him go through the Trials. “This is going to kill me, is what you’re saying.”

“Who are you in love with, you stubborn oaf!?” Lambert cried, marching into the room from where he’d been lurking in the hall. He startled the other two Wolves and Geralt coughed out another handful of petals. The blood that came with them was surprisingly new. 

“What do you mean!?”

“He means,” Vesemir said, as slowly as possible (so that even the great Geralt of Rivia would understand his situation), “That until you tell this person how you feel, the flowers inside you will continue to grow and dig their roots in and, if you never tell them how you feel at all, you will eventually die.”

“Then I guess my fate is sealed,” Geralt smiled sadly, settling himself back against the pillows. “My time as a Witcher is up. Coughing up flowers isn’t the worst way to go, all things considered.”

Lambert growled angrily. “I’m not ready to lose my brother yet, Geralt, so just tell us who you’re pining after and we’ll go fetch her back!”

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

Geralt, growing increasingly more feverish and already exhausted from everything that had happened that afternoon, closed his eyes. “Because he deserves better than me, Lambert. He deserves so much more than I could ever give him and I’m not about to steal him away like a selfish ass and force my feelings onto him for my own sake. I’d rather die.”

“Self-sacrificing bastard,” the youngest of the Wolf Witchers snarled, storming from the room. “Ass! Cock! Fool!”

Vesemir could only nod his agreement and follow silently after.

---

Jaskier read the letter once.

Then he read it again.

After a third time through he was sure that he hadn’t misunderstood the contents.

Dear Jaskier (aka Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove, Prof. of the Seven Liberal Arts at Oxenfurt),

I am Eskel, brother to Geralt of the Wolf Witcher School at Kaer Morhen. I write to you now to ask for your presence at the keep. Geralt has fallen gravely ill and will not likely make it through the season. He does not know that I have written to you, but as his best friend and companion on the Path, I thought it my duty to invite you to see him one last time before he’s gone for good. He’s loathe to admit it, but he misses you and fears for your safety come springtime.

Sincerely,

Eskel of the Wolf School

Somewhere beneath the bright embroidery of his doublet and the hand-woven muslin of his chemise, Jaskier’s flighty, deeply-loving heart shattered into a million pieces. 

He grabbed his heaviest woolen cloak from its peg near the door and made for the stables at once.

---

“Geralt!”

The White Wolf opened his eyes a sliver to confirm that he wasn’t hallucinating again; ah yes. What a lovely last dream to have before I die. Standing in the middle of his bedroom at Kaer Morhen, covered with still-melting snow, was Jaskier. The bard’s blue eyes were brimming with tears and his bottom lip was wobbling violently as he gazed upon the Witcher’s withering form.

“Geralt, what’s wrong? Your father and brothers sort of explained it to me but I’m still not sure what’s happening. You’re dying?”

“Don’t worry, bard,” Geralt smiled. A loud, sudden cough wracked his body and he bent over double, spitting a blood-spattered but fully-bloomed rose out into his cupped palm. He laughed joylessly and tossed the bloom onto his bedside table. “I’ll be out of your hair, soon. Won’t this be a last ballad to write, a wolf dying as he’s eaten by flowers?”

“I don-”

“Hush,” Geralt rasped. Jaskier dropped his cloak to the ground uncaringly and rushed to his Witcher’s side. He sat on the edge of the mattress and took Geralt’s closest hand in his, grasping the appendage to his chest and sobbing into the sword-calloused skin like his tears might save his best friend’s life. “Don’t be sad, Jaskier.”

“I am sad, Geralt! I’m absolutely fucking terrified and heartbroken and crushed! Vesemir said you could heal this at any time but you just… you just won’t because you’re stubborn and an idiot and the sweetest goddamn man I’ve ever met in my life! How dare you tell me goodbye when you are perfectly capable of fixing this problem yourself! How could you promise to see me in the spring and then break your word by dying well before the grass turns green again?! You bastard!”

“You won’t miss me after another year passes,” Geralt reassured him, flexing the hand still held tight in Jaskier’s grip. “You won’t even remember me by the time the first daisies spring up.”

“How dare you,” the bard cried again. He pressed a nervous kiss to the tip of the Witcher’s pointer finger before letting go completely and dropping his head into his own hands. “How dare you say those things to me when you know full well that I love you with all my stupid, fragile mortal heart. You asshole.”

“Wh...what?” 

“I love you, Geralt!” The Witcher stared up at his friend with nothing but confusion written across his handsome features. Jaskier reached out, wiping a smear of blood away from the corner of Geralt’s mouth as tenderly as any maiden in any of the bard’s favorite romance novels. “I love you and I’ll never forgive you for letting yourself die on me like this.”

Geralt blushed. He stammered. He coughed up two or three more bloody roses and Jaskier tossed them all into the fire with rage blazing in his cornflower irises. 

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything on this gods-forsaken Continent and now you’re going to take yourself away because you’re, what, scared of something? Is it Yennefer? If she’s refusing to help you then I’ll ride all the way to Vengerberg by daybreak and then I’ll break all her fucking fi-”

“I love you, too.”

“What?” Jaskier asked, stopped mid-rant and mid-thought by the Witcher’s sudden admission. “What did you just say to me, Geralt? If I didn’t misunderstand, you said you loved me too.”

“I did. I do! I have loved you for a rather long time, actually.”

“Well, I’m glad we’ve settled that,” Vesemir said from the doorway. He turned on his heel and disappeared. “See you both for breakfast tomorrow, I’m sure. Well... maybe breakfast is being a bit optimistic. I’ll see you for lunch.”

“What did he mean?” the bard asked. His eyes flitted between the empty doorway and Geralt’s guilty grimace. “What the fuck did Vesemir mean when he said he’d see us at lunch?! You’re still clearly dying and I-”

Geralt felt his fever receding and coughed experimentally. There were only a few brown, half-dried petals that fell from his lips. No blooms. He coughed again and nothing came out of his mouth at all. He grinned and laughed, tugging Jaskier up onto the bed and against his broad chest. “Vesemir was right!”

“What the fuck is going on?!” the bard begged. His hands twisted into the neckline of Geralt’s shirt, holding him still and steady. Blue bore into gold with such heated intensity that the Witcher thought he might pass out regardless of his recently healed disease, “What just happened!?”

“I- I told you I loved you and it cured the Hanahaki!”

“You had fucking Hanahaki and I was the cause of it? Oh Geralt, I’m so sorry! I should have noticed sooner! I should hav- Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“I didn’t think you loved me back.”

“You didn- Geralt, have you been paying any sort of attention for the past seven or so years? I follow you everywhere, I bandage your wounds, I put food on your plate and a pillow under your head whenever we get the chance. I bathe you and mend your clothes when your fingers are too stiff from practicing your forms to do it yourself… you utter fool. You buffoon. You great, dumb, goofy, idioti-”

He was cut off by Geralt bringing their mouths together with such gentle but insistent pressure that all Jaskier could do was melt against him. His hands unwound from the shirt and stabilized against the Witcher’s pectorals instead. He sighed into Geralt’s mouth, swallowing down the happy sounds his dearest Witcher made in return. When they were finished pouring out their affections they sat, breathless, curled against the pillows of Geralt’s enormous bed. 

A large pointer finger slipped beneath Jaskier’s chin and tilted his face up, locking their gazes, “This isn’t how I wanted you to meet my family or see Kaer Morhen for the first time, but I’m glad you came. I know the journey through the snow couldn’t have been easy, even though I’m sure there was some magical assistance.”

“For you, my love, I’d travel the pass barefoot.”

“You’d die of exposure.”

“Not if your life was on the line,” the bard murmured against those flower-chapped lips. “For you, Geralt, I could survive anything. Just as you must swear from this moment on to survive whatever you can to make it back to me.”

“Will you go back to the academy until spring?”

“I’m never leaving your side again, Geralt of Rivia. Come flora or fauna, you’re stuck with me for good.”

“Hmm. Good.”

“Just… Just don’t bring me flowers any time soon.”

[mrobrotzly]

It would be a terrible night, Geralt was sure.

He and Lambert had been talking about it for a week, but every time Geralt managed to escape.

It turns out that Lambert, his roommate and practically brother, had finally summoned some courage to ask Aiden out - finally! These two had been dancing around each other since their first year at university and Geralt loved to tease Lambert with that fact.

Well, loved it until he's reminded that he, Geralt Rivia, wasn't that different. Even worse: he had a crush in a guy since high school.

And that's exactly why he avoided "the conversation" with Lambert every time. Until finally give in - not willingly obviously, he lost a bet while drunk.

Now Geralt found himself packing some of his personal belongings in his bag, he'll change rooms with Aiden, to allow him and Lambert a night alone.

Look, he would have done this much earlier, his brother deserved time with his new boyfriend, if Aiden wasn't Jaskier's roommate.

Jaskier, the person for whom he hid, ugh... feelings.

Lambert called him stupid, told him to get his head out of his ass and just talk to the man, but Geralt wasn't the best person when it came to relationships (and Yennefer would readily agree) and he really liked Jaskier, even though they didn’t talk much, every time the two were in the same room Geralt couldn't pay attention to anything in the world other than Jaskier and the way he seemed to be made of joy. He didn’t want to spoil it.

That is, if Jaskier was also attracted to men.

He thought more than once of asking Aiden about it, but sure he would tell that to his roommate and that would draw attention to Geralt, so no, better not.

"Go on, Romeo" Lambert accompanied him to the door "Get your man, you've a great opportunity tonight."

"Shut up" he growled.

Lambert laughed.

"And don't get even near my bed" Geralt said, receiving a wolfish smile in response.

Aiden was waiting for him outside, to point which one was his room - Geralt knew, but chose not to comment it.

"If you knock more than once and still no response, get in, Jaskier likes to hear music really loud sometimes, maybe he won't hear you."

Okay, easy, Geralt thought, it's just one night.

Aiden got it right, no one opened the door when he knocked, so he just walked in.

Their room was... colorful. More messy than his, but that was expected, Geralt liked organization (Lambert didn't, but he tried to not have to hear his friend complain).

And, fuck, Jaskier was lying on the floor, listening to music and writing something in a notebook, completely oblivious to the world, his ass pratically up in the air, wearing shorts so small it was almost indecent, it shows the lower part of one cheek and Geralt just wanted to squeeze.

He cleared his throat, both to get attention and to repress the sound that wanted to escape at the sight. This time Jaskier heard, turning his head back and looking at him with beautiful wide blue eyes.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, taking off his headphones and getting up, his shorts no longer exposing the skin and Geralt was disappointed by it "Geralt!"

Something he never got used to: Jaskier always greeted him with a hug "I thought you would show up later."

"They want more time alone" he replied and his voice sounded more hoarse than usual.

Jaskier smirked.

"Well, it's already time" he took Geralt's bag, placing it on a small wooden table that already had a stack of papers on top "If you knew how many times I'd to hear Aiden complain that Lambert didn't ask him out" he sighed, laughing.

"Hmm" was the answer, Geralt watched Jaskier approach a mini fridge, he crouched and Geralt did his best to not look at his ass.

"Beer?" he asked, holding out the bottle.

"On a wednesday?" he raised an eyebrow, but accepted, taking the bottle.

"Our roommates are fucking on a wednesday. There's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun too" Jaskier smiled.

Something about those words made Geralt's body hot, oh, he really wanted to have fun with Jaskier in that way ...

He took a sip. 

It would be a long night...

It was no surprise that Jaskier talked a lot, talked enough for both of them, but Geralt didn't care, he liked to listen and many of the stories were hilarious, like the one when Jaskier had to jump out of a window because he didn't know the girl he was with had a boyfriend, or his first musical performance, at a street market, the amount of vegetables and fruits that flew towards him wasn't small.

"And there was this time when I dating this guy, Valdo Marx" he started, opening the fourth beer "Geralt, he was unbearable, I know that I'm not the immaculate image of modesty, but by God the ego of that man..."

Geralt nodded.

But wait.

"You dated a guy?" he said before thinking about the words.

Jaskier pressed his lips together, suddenly looking a little  nervous.

"Uh... yes... I like both" he explained "I hope this isn't a problem for you, you know, there a lot of people in the world who are pan or bi..."

"I know" he replied "I am. Bi."

Jaskier looked at him, surprised.

"You are?"

"Hmm" he nodded. Jaskier bit his lip.

"Cool" and took another sip of beer. "Have you... dated a guy?"

Geralt denied.

"I only dated seriously twice and now they date each other" the corner of his mouth lift in a small smile as Jaskier laughed.

"Ah, yes, Triss and Yen. They seem to be nice. Intimidating, but nice."

“They are" he watched Jaskier going to the mini fridge again, taking another bottle for both, and fuck, that ass...

"But have you..." he sat next to Geralt, their thighs touching "You know. Did it... with a guy?"

He felt his throat get a little dry.

"Once" replied "But not the full... thing."

Jaskier hummed and, for a few minutes, was silent, seeming to decide whether or not to say something.

"Do you want to try?" he said finally.

Geralt almost choked.

"What?" he opened his eyes wide.

"I've some experience" he said, biting his lips "And I really like being the bottom, so you don't have to worry, and..."

WHAT?

"Wait... do you want to have sex with me?"

Jaskier looked at him, flushed, his blue eyes seemed to shine and Geralt felt out of breath. He nodded.

"Why?"

"Geralt," he rolled his eyes "have you ever looked in the mirror? You're like a greek god."

"Isn't it 'cause you're drunk?"

"If so, I've been drunk since high school."

Wait.

"What?" he asked again and Jaskier grimmaced, he probably didn't mean to let that information out.

He took another sip, taking a deep breath.

"I've eyes for you since the first time I saw you in our math class" he said looking away "But I never saw you with a man and you never showed interest so I thought: better leave it alone. Which is incredibly difficult with you being... you."

Geralt felt his mind spin and the drink had nothing to do with it.

"So..." he started to say, the man staring at the floor "Do you like me?"

He nodded, the tips of his ears turning red.

"Good" Geralt said and put a hand on his thigh, making Jaskier look at his face. "Same. I- Like you too."

Jaskier's eyes widened, but he smiled "Really?"

"Hmm."

"Since when?"

"Since the day you brought the guitar to class and played that song, the one exposing our teacher as a racist."

He laughed and Geralt couldn't take his eyes off him.

"That was in the second year of high school, Geralt!"

"You started to like me in the first."

"True" he put his hand over Geralt's "Why did you never say anything?"

"Same reason as you."

Jaskier nodded, still with a small smile, then he looked at Geralt with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"So..." he approached, lips dangerously close to Geralt's ear "Do you want to try?"

Geralt groanned, pressing his fingers to Jaskier's thigh.

Forget what he thought earlier.

The night would be great.

♡ if you enjoy my work, you can support me & buy me a coffee ☕️

[jaskierswolf]

You Set My Heart Ablaze (24/25)

Previous

Warnings: Jaskier has a small panic attack in this chapter, but Geralt helps him through it. The whole thing is barely a paragraph.

_______

Saturday.

Finally!

The first day of the summer holidays! Jaskier had barely been able to resist throwing his arms around Geralt the day before when the fireman had come to collect Ciri after school but they’d both agreed that they should at least try to wait until the weekend. So he’d forcibly stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled on his feet. He couldn’t help the dazzling smile he flashed at Geralt but at least he managed to keep his hands to himself.

But that was now a thing of the past.

He sat up in bed with more energy than he’d had in the mornings in years. He pushed his glasses up his nose and ran a hand through his hair as he searched for his phone within the pile of sheets. He found the bastard under one of his pillows and immediately rang Geralt without looking at the time.

It rang a few times before Geralt picked up.

“The fuck?” Geralt grumbled into the phone.

Jaskier frowned and pulled the phone away from his ear so he could look at the time. “Oh shit!” He cackled and then put the phone on speaker. “Sorry, darling. I’m still on school time.”

“Jaskier, you’re never on school time, even during term time,” Geralt muttered.

“Oh shush. I just wanted to say that I love you!” He trilled happily.

Geralt grunted.

“Oh ho ho! Aren’t you a grumpy arse this morning?” Jaskier giggled and rolled onto his back, planting his legs up against the wall.

“Fuck off.”

“No! Because it is the school holidays and I, Jaskier Pankratz, love you, Geralt Rivia.” He sighed wistfully.

“Hmm.”

“Geralt!” He whined.

He knew the fireman was tired but he could at least say it back once. The fucker.

“Love you too, now can I get back to sleep?”

Jaskier rolled his eyes. “Yes, dear heart, but call me when you’re awake, alright?”

“Fine.”

The line went dead.

The bastard.

He considered going back to sleep himself but he had too much energy. He jumped out of bed, tripping over his shoes that were on the floor right by his bed, and went flailing across the room.

“Oh cock!” He cursed as he landed, rather painfully, against the door. He would probably have a lovely bruise on the hip that crashed against the wall, but it was better than landing on his wrists and breaking them.

He sort of needed those to play his instruments.

He supposed he could always just sing.

Nah. That was shit.

Plus Priscilla would kill him if he couldn’t finish up the new album. He still had at least one lute track to put down, and even though she could play the lute, he was more skilled and she preferred to focus on the singing. She’d complained enough about his insistence on using the lute over the guitar on this album but he’d refused to back down. He had a vision!

So fuck the guitar.

He sighed and straightened his glasses, frowning as he noticed the smudges on the lenses. How the fuck were they already dirty? He’d only cleaned them last night before bed.

Fuck it.

Pancakes!

Ooh he could make the chocolate chip kind and send photos to Geralt. They had an unspoken rule that one did not make chocolate chip pancakes without photographic evidence unless they were both there to enjoy it. He frowned as he reached the edge of his living/kitchen area, and stuck his tongue between his lips. Maybe he should wait until he could make pancakes with Geralt and Ciri? He didn’t want to make them too often. They wouldn’t be special if he made them too often.

He scoffed. “Yeah, well. I’m hungry.” He muttered. He gazed longingly at the flour and sugar on the top shelf of his cupboards and then grabbed a box of chocolate cereal instead.

Yes he still ate chocolate cereal. The boring old flakey stuff was shit and he actually had taste buds. He preferred his food to not taste like cardboard.

Gods, how was he an adult?

He sighed and scrolled through the social media on his phone. Triss had put up a few pictures from the pub the night before. He’d reluctantly declined the invitation as the wolves were going along, even though Geralt had stayed behind to look after Ciri. There were quite a few of Triss and Eskel pulling funny faces at the camera, and one adorable photo of Triss kissing his cheek. Eskel looked incredibly happy. They were cute together. Jaskier hit the heart button and typed out a string of heart-eyes emojis in the comments.

Even Yennefer had put up a rare personal post. She normally kept her social media for her art stuff  but there was a stunning photograph of her outside the pub. She was wearing a long white chiffon  dress matched with a leather jacket and heavy leather boots, not exactly summery but it was Yennefer. She was gazing off to the side, her face lit by dull glow of the street lamps, one fiery violet eye almost glowing in the darkness.

Jaskier pouted. How was she so fucking photogenic all the time? Seriously how was Geralt now dating him after that?

“Urgh,” he groaned and hit the heart button.

JaskierTheBard: Stop making us all look bad, Yennefer! Stunning photograph darling x

He reread the reply twice and hit send. It was kinder than he usual response to Yennefer but honestly he had to admit she was a little bit sexy in that one, which just wasn’t fair.

Renfri had posted a group photo of the whole gang and he whined. It looked like a fun night. Stupid Philippa and her rules. It wasn’t fair that he had to miss out, but thankfully those days were officially over!

He lost track of time as he scrolled on his phone. He swore as he suddenly remembered his cereal. He groaned as he peered into his bowl. The milk was chocolatey and the cereal had all but disintegrated. He fucking hated soggy cereal.

“Cock,” he muttered and threw the whole lot in the bin.

He was about to put some toast on when his door bell rang. He yelped and jumped at the sound. He looked down at himself. He was still just wearing his boxers. Fuck. He ran to his bedroom and grabbed his dressing gown. It was too hot really to wear it in the summer but he wouldn’t have time to get dressed.

As it turned out, he needn’t have bothered. Geralt was at the door holding a bunch of roses with a sheepish smile on his face.

Jaskier grinned. “Geralt!” He flung his arms around his boyfriends neck and then swore as he realised he was probably crushing the flowers. “Umm, let me just go get some water. Wait. These are for me? They are beautiful. Geralt!” He whined and covered his face in his hands.

Geralt, the fucker, just laughed at him. “They’re for you. I thought… well, Ciri said I couldn’t go on a date without flowers. She was really stubborn about it.”

Jaskier snorted and carefully took the flowers from Geralt. They weren’t too badly crushed, thank Melitele for that. “I wonder where she gets that from,” he teased.

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Calanthe, her grandmother. Even Pavetta had a stubborn streak. Trust me, this one has nothing to do with me.”

Jaskier’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit! I’m sorry. I forgot. I didn’t mean… hmmph!”

Geralt had kissed him.

Not that he was complaining. He smiled into the kissed and then pulled back to gaze into Geralt’s beautiful amber eyes.

“You don’t get to do that every time you want me to shut up, dearest,” he chided gently.

Geralt smirked and just kissed him again.

Ok so perhaps he could.

Gods he was so smitten.

“I love you,” he breathed against Geralt’s lips when they finally pulled apart.

Geralt brushed his nose against Jaskier’s. “I love you too, even if you do have morning breath.”

Jaskier gasped and shoved against Geralt’s chest. “Rude!” He pouted.

“You love me,” Geralt reminded him. “How are you not dressed yet? You’ve been awake for hours.”

Jaskier shrugged. “Internet.”

“Come on, get dressed. I want to take you out.” Geralt instructed with a tilt of his head.

Jaskier laughed. “Take me out how? Kill me or date me? Honestly I’m down for both.”

“Jaskier!” Geralt growled and rolled his eyes.

“Kill me, right. Got it,” he winked at his boyfriend. “Now are you absolutely sure you want me to get dressed? Because I have the perfect outfit to wear but once I’m in those jeans I am not taking them off again,” he stroked Geralt’s cheek with one finger and then bopped him on the nose.

“Hmm. Brush your teeth and I’ll get water for the flowers.” Geralt took the roses back off him. “Do you have a vase?”

Jaskier scoffed. “Of course I have a vase. I’m gay!”

“That’s not an excuse for everything, Jaskier, and I’m pretty sure you’re bi,” Geralt rolled his eyes.

Jaskier laughed. “That’s just homophobic.”

“That’s not—” Geralt cut himself off and pinched his nose. “Bathroom. Now. I’ll find the vase.”

Jaskier giggled happily and went to brush his teeth.

Oh sweetest Melitele! He loved the summer holidays!

__________________

After a few false starts they finally made it out of Jaskier’s flat. He was slightly regretting his choice in black skinny jeans but really they made his legs and arse look great. It was was his first proper date with Geralt and he wanted to look good. They both managed a quick shower and Jaskier braided Geralt’s hair to elevate his usual half up do. Geralt even let Jaskier slip a couple of buttercup clips into the braids.

Geralt was wearing the outfit he’d turned up it which Jaskier hadn’t managed to appreciate before but he could now as he gazed happily at his partner across the table. Geralt had also gone for black skinny jeans, thank you Freya, and a slick black short-sleeved shirt. Honestly Jaskier didn’t know how the man wasn’t boiling in the heat of the summer in all that black but he wasn’t going to complain. It was the first time he’d seen Geralt in a shirt and he was loving it.

In comparison Jaskier had decided on a bright turquoise shirt. He’d left the bottom few buttons undone and tied the ends in a knot to turn the shirt into a crop top. The intensity of Geralt’s gaze on him when he’d finally been allowed to see the whole look had almost cause yet another delay to their date but Jaskier had just winked and pulled his slightly dazed partner out of the flat, switching his glasses for his prescription sunglasses.

He had been far too hungry to delay any further and he wanted to go on a cute date with his boyfriend!

Geralt suggested an adorable little sandwich parlour. It didn’t look like much from the outside but inside it was cosy and quiet, a perfect lunchtime date spot.

Or it would have if they hadn’t been interrupt by Lambert and Renfri… again.

Seriously, every time they ended up in a coffee shop those two were there. They both had wet hair and flushed red faces. Jaskier assumed the pair of them had been at the gym. Geralt had mentioned they liked to spar together on the wolf pack’s days off, that and the work out clothes sort of gave them away.

“Well, well, well,” Lambert laughed as they approached and crossed his arms. “So much for Triss and Eskel’s theory of you moving on, Dandelion.”

Jaskier gaped at the redhead. “Wait what? Have you been talking about us?!” He pointed a finger at the pair of them.

Renfri rolled her eyes. “Do you honestly think they have anything better to do? I’ve had to keep my mouth shut for months whilst these idiots try and think of a plan to set you two up. Triss was heartbroken when you told her you’d moved on. She was really rooting for you guys.”

“Wait, you knew?” Lambert growled at Renfri, she just shoved him in the face.

“Of course I knew. It was fucking obviously. You just had to look at Geralt’s face whenever Jaskier was mentioned. He lit up like a petrol can.”

“Renfri,” Geralt sighed. “I wasn’t that bad.”

Renfri snorted and Jaskier cackled. Oh ho! He was going to have so much fun with this. He held Geralt’s hand over the top of the table and smiled at his lover. “Oh darling, I didn’t know you cared so much,” he simpered with a flutter of his eyelashes.

“I’m pretty sure I showed you how much I care this morning, more than once.”

Jaskier blushed and pulled his hand away. “Touché, dear heart, touché,” he licked his lips as he remembered the morning’s activities. “Please, feel free to remind me any time.”

“Nope!” Lambert yelled and covered his ears. “No. You are not going to be that couple. Urgh.”

“Months I’ve had to put up with this!” Renfri complained. “Come on, wolf. Let’s leave the love birds in peace. They’ll put me off my lunch otherwise.”

“So gross,” Lambert agreed.

Jaskier laughed as the pair of them scarpered from the shop, and he rested his head on his chin as he ate his chips. They were like the kind you get in fish and chip shops and covered in blessed salty goodness. Geralt, the monster that he was, covered his with vinegar so Jaskier wouldn’t steal his chips as well.

“So what’s their deal?” Jaskier asked though mouthfuls of delicious fried potato.

Geralt tilted his head, he also now had a mouthful of cheesesteak sandwich.

“They said they weren’t dating?” Jaskier tried to explain.

Geralt huffed and Jaskier waited for him to finish eating. “Renfri doesn’t date. She has no interest in it.”

Jaskier nodded. “Asexual?”

Geralt shook his head. “Don’t think so. Just the dating thing,” he scowled as he tried to formulate his thoughts. “I think she called it aromantic, but even then her and Lambert are practically siblings. They’d probably both stab you for suggesting anything else.”

“Right. Noted. Rather not be stabbed. I made it all the way through the school year. It would be a fucking shame if I got stabbed now,” he flicked his fringe from his eyes. “Especially when you look so bloody sexy in that shirt.”

Geralt scoffed. “Says the man wearing a crop top.”

Jaskier grinned and leant forward so his lips were almost touching Geralt’s. “It would look better on your bedroom floor, darling.”

Geralt’s eyes went dark and Jaskier kissed the tip of his nose. “But not yet. I’m starving and these chips are brilliant! I cannot believe you would ruin them with vinegar.”

Geralt groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re a fucking tease, Jaskier.”

Jaskier just laughed and brushed his foot up against Geralt’s leg under the table. “You love it,” he agreed with a wink.

“Hmm.”

“You doooo,” Jaskier insisted. “And you love me!”

“I admit nothing.”

“I’ll make it up to you later?” He flashed his most flirtatious grin at Geralt, rubbing his foot further up Geralt’s leg.

“Jask,” Geralt half moaned and Jaskier laughed at the pretty blush on Geralt’s cheek.

“Yes, dearest Geralt?” He sang, feigning innocence.

“I hate you.” His boyfriend groaned and hid his face behind his hands.

“I know, love. I know.”

____________________

Jaskier was busy pulling on one of Geralt’s hoodies that he’d pinched earlier on in their relationship, when Geralt sighed loudly. Jaskier bounced back over to the bed and straddled his boyfriend’s hips.

“What’s up, dear heart?” He said with a tilt of his head.

Geralt’s long hair was now loose. Jaskier had taken great delight in undoing his own work and letting the silver strands fall loosely by Geralt’s face. His hair was naturally wavy after a shower anyway but it had been accentuated where the braids had been, and by the gods, Geralt had looked so beautiful. He still did. Only now he had his grumpy face back on. Jaskier gently stroked his thumb along Geralt’s cheek, brushing a loose strand away from his eyes.

“We need to tell Ciri,” Geralt groaned.

“Already? I thought we were going to tell her we’re friends first.”

“Won’t work.”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow and huffed. “And why not?”

“She’s too clever, and I love you,” Geralt grumbled.

Jaskier felt his smile soften at Geralt’s words and he shifted so he could lie back down on Geralt’s chest, nuzzling into the crook of Geralt’s neck. “And I love you, my dearest of hearts.”

“Hmm.” He felt Geralt kiss the top of his hair and he sighed happily.

“So we tell her when?”

“Come home with me?” Geralt suggested. “She knows I was on a date.”

“It has been a long date,” Jaskier hummed thoughtfully, and it really had. Geralt had arrived mid-morning at it was now late afternoon bordering on early evening. “Won’t she be worried about you?”

Geralt chuckled and Jaskier felt his heart race faster in his chest. Geralt’s laugh was so warm, rough and woefully underused. It always made Jaskier’s day when he could make Geralt laugh so freely. “Yennefer took her to the zoo. She thought we might need the extra time.”

Jaskier giggled. “I cannot imagine Yennefer Vengerberg at the zoo!” He laughed harder as he pressed his face against Geralt’s bare shoulder.

“Why?”

“Oh I don’t know,” he grinned, placing a kiss on Geralt’s shoulder. “She seems too classy for the zoo.”

Geralt threaded his fingers through Jaskier’s hair and he hummed in contentment. He’d always enjoyed it when his partners played with his hair. The gentle tug at his scalp just turned him to goo. If he was a cat he was sure he’d be purring. As it was he couldn’t stop the happy hum in his chest.

“No one is too classy for the zoo,” Geralt said with such sincerity that Jaskier let out a peal of laughter and rolled onto the mattress next to Geralt. He felt Geralt roll onto his side and their eyes met. Geralt was smirking at him with mirth in his eyes.

Jaskier was overwhelmed with the love that was in his heart. In reality his time with Geralt really hadn’t been that long at all but it had just been blissful. Their forbidden romance seemed to have extended their honeymoon period and he still felt as gooey over his boyfriend as he had the first time he’d seen Geralt enter his classroom ten months prior.

“Quite right, dear. I love the zoo,” he sighed longingly. It had been ages since he had been.

“Next time we’ll go.” Geralt suggested. “I like the animals.”

“Deal. Ooh does this mean I finally get to meet Roach?!” He cried in excitement, a smile lighting up his face.

Geralt nodded. “She doesn’t like new people though. Don’t get your hopes up.”

Jaskier reached over to kiss Geralt and then rest his forehead against Geralt’s. “Of course not, darling.”

“Good…” Geralt paused. “Darling.”

Jaskier’s heart clenched in his chest and he buried his face in one of the pillows of the bed, making sadly incoherent noises that he wasn’t proud of. “Geralt!!” He whined pitifully. “You can’t just say things like that!”

Geralt scoffed. “You do all the time.”

Jaskier glared at him with a pout. He could feel the heat of the blush on his cheek. “Yeah, well…”

“Don’t worry.” Geralt smirked, kissing Jaskier’s temple. “I don’t think pet names are my thing.”

Jaskier pouted. “Hmmph.”

Reluctantly he rolled off the bed and pulled Geralt to his feet. With one last kiss he let Geralt get dressed. His boyfriend really did need to get back to Ciri and apparently Jaskier was going to be re-introduced to the young girl as her father’s new boyfriend; only a day after the term had finished.

Jaskier wasn’t nervous. Why would he be? Ciri loved him… as her teacher. Oh gods, he was going to fuck this up so badly. His heart was racing, and not in the good I’m in love way. Oh no. No, no, no, no.

He gasped a breath and leant against the wall. Geralt’s arms wrapped around his waist in an instance. “Breathe, Jaskier.”

Jaskier breathed, trying to match his breath with Geralt’s. “Sorry,” he mumbled when the worst of it was over.

“What happened?”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” He asked, his voice sounding pathetic even to his ears.

“She adores you, Jaskier.” Geralt nuzzled his neck gently. “She was disappointed when I said it wasn’t you.”

Jaskier groaned. “She’ll hate that you lied to her.”

“She’ll come round.” Geralt insisted.

“How are you so calm?” He snapped.

Geralt sighed. “Because she’s my daughter and she loves me, and she adores you.”

Jaskier nodded. “Ok. Ok. Yes. Let’s do this, before I run away and decide to live in a cave with just my lute for company.”

Geralt scoffed. “Always so dramatic.”

Jaskier managed a smile at that, even after his little wobble of anxiety. “You wouldn’t have me any other way.”

__________________

They were standing, hand in hand, outside Geralt’s house. Geralt and Ciri’s house. Jaskier hadn’t been here since the beginning of May when Ciri had been away with Yennefer. Ciri wasn’t away this time and they were about to reveal everything to her. He curled his toes in his shoes and hummed nervously under his breath. Geralt’s house suddenly seemed a lot larger than it had before.

Geralt squeezed his hand. “It’ll be fine, Jask.”

He nodded and took a deep breath. “I know. I know. I trust you.”

“Come on then. You’ll stay for dinner?”

Jaskier nodded again. “But I should probably go home after dinner. I imagine we’ll both need our own space by then.”

Geralt chuckled quietly. “Yeah. Ready?”

“Yes?” Jaskier’s voice squeaked a little, much to his embarrassment.

“Good.” Geralt moved to unlock the front door but it opened before he could get the key in the lock.

Yennefer stood on the other side with her hands on her hips. She was smirking at them both, looking far too evilly delighted for Jaskier’s liking.

“MR JASKIER!!” Ciri shrieked and there was a blur of blonde hair before Jaskier was knocked flying by the young girl.

He laughed nervously and hugged her back. “Hello, Ciri.”

“I knew it was you!!” She screamed happily. “Dad said it wasn’t but I knew it was you!”

“You don’t mind?” Jaskier asked, tentatively patting his former student on the back as she clung onto him.

Ciri pulled back and looked up at him. Her nose was scrunched up and she pouted. “Why would I mind?”

“Well, because I was your teacher and now I’m dating your father?” Jaskier stammered. He glanced at Geralt who just raised a knowing eyebrow at him. The bastard had known this would happen.

Ciri rolled her eyes and scoffed. “So? Everyone will be jealous. You’re the best teacher at school!”  She announced as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

He laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “Maybe you shouldn’t boast too much about it Ciri. It’s not kind.”

Ciri just stuck her tongue out at him. He stuck his tongue out right back at her and she giggled.

“Jaskier’s right, princess. It would be best if you don’t tell everyone just yet,” Geralt said as he scooped her up into a hug.

“But it’s Mistle’s birthday party next week!” She pouted.

“Ciri,” Yennefer sighed, brushing the young girl’s hair out of her eyes. “Can we trust you to keep this a secret for now?”

Ciri scrunched her nose but nodded. “Ok, but only if we can go back to see the lions at the zoo! They were my favourite.”

Jaskier met Geralt’s eyes and smiled. “Well, buttercup, funny you should say that….”

____________

Next

[fruithoods]

broken bards

He thought back to his time with Valdo Marx, the sweet whispers, the soft way he had told Jaskier he would mean nothing. Jaskier had believed him, for a time.

Then he met Geralt, who- however unintentionally- helped him find himself. He lost himself in the stories of the Witcher, for years, knowing that no true harm could come to him while he was with him.

And then the day on the mountain had happened, and Jaskier had been shattered once more.

This time, there was no one to pick up the broken pieces.

He had tried- singing songs from the good old days, steadily ignoring the way his heart ached. How it yearned for the Witcher. He traveled, and traveled, going as far away from that mountain as possible. The further away he was, he figured, the further away the memories would be.

Until he wandered so far away that he lost the protection of the Witcher. It was common knowledge that the bard Jaskier was under Geralt of Rivia’s protection, and any harm that befell him would be dealt by Geralt twice over to whoever was stupid enough to inflict it.

Until the months passed, and the bard was no longer the Witcher’s constant companion. Which made him an easy target.

He honestly wasn’t sure how exactly it happened- the events shrouded by the fog of drink. It wasn’t uncommon for him to drink himself halfway to death, a habit from his time at Oxenfurt that he had never managed to quite shake.

All he knew for certain was that he had been grabbed, firm and harsh hands digging into his arms, making his skin crawl-

He had been dragged somewhere, for how long he didn’t know, to somewhere cold, and damp. He wasn thrown onto the floor, in complete darkness, his head hitting the ground so hard he saw stars.

Someone had come in behind him, their footsteps echoing in the silence, but drowned out by the ringing in his ears.

He felt himself being pulled up, and forced into a chair, chains binding his arms and legs, until he was sitting there, completely helpless.

Hands cupped his face, so like Geralt’s, and yet not.

And then,

pain.

The needle pierced him, and Jaskier screamed.

The first thing Jaskier registered when he woke was the pain. It seared through him, every nerve on fire. His mouth, his mouth. He-he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t-

“Jaskier.” Geralt. When did Geralt get here? How did he-

He was hyperventilating now, the air not coming in, not enough. If he could have opened his mouth, he would have.

“Jaskier, Jaskier look at me.” A gentle but firm grip was nudging his chin up (just like Them), and he looked up through blurred eyes, up at the Witcher. Geralt took his shaking, bloodstained hand in his own, and lay it gently on his chest. His heartbeat was slow, slower than Jask’s own, and certainly slower than what a normal human’s would have been. But it was calming. Grounding. “It’s going to be okay. Listen to me, okay?” Geralt’s other hand came up to cup Jaskier’s jaw, his touch soft, softer than Jaskier could remember it being. As if he was worried he would hurt him, Jaskier thought. It was a bit late for that. He tried to relax, years by Geralt’s side and playing doctor had taught him that the best thing to do when injured is to calm down. He listened to Geralt’s breaths, and tried to imagine that everything was fine. They were together, it was before the mountain, they were lying in an inn somewhere. Jaskier had just performed, they were safe, and they were happy.

Everything was fine.

No it wasn’t.

He was probably hallucinating, he had gone insane and he was seeing things. Geralt-Geralt wouldn’t have come for him, this was his mind playing tricks on him.

He was alone, alone, alone, and no one was coming, Geralt wasn’t coming, Geralt hated him, he would die alone in this filthy dungeon, drowning in his own blood-

Choking in his own blood, more like it.

His mouth-

Oh Melitele above, his mouth-

He would never speak again- he would never sing again

It was that thought which broke him more than the pain ever could.

The way the needle had pierced him, the pain of the thread being pulled through his flesh

He was dying, he was sure of it.

Jaskier the bard, unwanted and alone, was going to die

Even if Julian Pankratz managed to escape, to get out, to survive-

He could never be a bard again. He could never do what he loved, he could never be the person he was born to be, the person he abandoned his family for

Who was he without his voice? It was bad enough without Geralt, without the muse he had loved, the muse who had thrown him away that day on the mountain-

But without his voice- his music?

He was no one.

Better off dead.

Better off dead.

Better. Off. Dead.

He squeezed his eyes further shut, so hard that spots danced in his vision. This was a dream- or a hallucination.

This was not real.

Geralt wasn’t there, Geralt had abandoned him.

His eyes remained closed when he was gently lifted from the chair, when the hair that had fallen into his face was brushed away by hands, familiar hands, hands he had held and kissed and knew like his own.

Not real not real not real

His eyes remained closed when he was picked up, strong arms carrying him easily, his head resting carefully on a shoulder

Not real

His eyes remained closed when warm air tickled his face, a light breeze that felt so real-

They stayed closed when he felt himself being put on a horse, the strong arms that had carried him letting him lean back on a firm chest, a familiar medallion pressed against the nape of his neck, surrounded by a presence he knew so well.

Not real. Not real.

They didn’t stir when he was lowered onto a bed, so soft, so different from the harsh, cold floor of the dungeon-

Not. Real.

All he had to do was open his eyes, and he would see that he was in the dungeon.

He opened his eyes.

And Geralt was standing beside him, covered in blood, his long hair messy and tangled. He looked horrible.

He was staring at Jaskier though, with that vulnerable expression that had made Jaskier melt.

His hallucinations were realistic, then, which made them so much worse.

Any moment, any second and he would wake up, to find himself chained to that fucking chair, alone in the dark, wishing he was dead-

Geralt saw his open eyes, and knelt down by the bed (not real not real-) slowly, as if Jaskier was one of his monsters, easily provoked and dangerous.

“Jaskier I-” He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment. It was so like him, Jaskier could have cried. “I’m sorry. I truly am. What I said on the mountain- I can never forgive myself. And I can’t expect you to forgive me either.” He looked so honest, so vulnerable. This was, frankly, the most emotional intelligence Jaskier had ever seen Geralt display. It was obviously part of his hallucination. But hallucination or not, Jaskier still yearned to comfort him. To tell him that yes, it had hurt. Yes, he was an asshole.

But Jaskier still loved him, and he had forgiven him long ago.

He couldn’t, though. Not- not like this.

Jaskier pulled his arm from out of the cocoon of blankets he was in, and weakly reached for Geralt, his hand grasping for him. Geralt seemed to understand, and grasped it in his own. Jaskier squeezed, and he felt his lips unwillingly turn upwards.

He immediately regretted his mistake, as a searing pain shot through him. He flinched, hard, and his hand flew towards his mouth. It came away bloody.

Geralt immediately grabbed a towel and some water, which had apparently been next to him the entire time. Jaskier also saw a knife.

“Forgive me,” Geralt said, as he gently took Jaskier’s hand and pulled it away from his face. “this is going to hurt.”

It did.

(And it was real)

Recovery was, well, hard.

His lips healed fairly well, according to Triss. Yes, he had scars, and he hated them. They felt like a constant reminder, a constant reminder that he would never be the same- he would never be whole, again.

It was made worse because it was his fault.

There was something wrong with him, something broken. Because even weeks, even months after the stitches were gone, he couldn’t speak. Triss said it was because of the trauma.

Jaskier thought he was just weak.

Compared to Geralt, who had more scars than Jaskier could count, he was nothing. Geralt recovered from injuries in days, and he couldn’t get over this, this weakness in almost a year? Pathetic.

He tried, he tried so hard. He tried at night, when Geralt lay in their bed in their house by the sea (Geralt had insisted, and Jaskier had cried) and everything was silent. He stood in front of the mirror in their room for hours, trying to force the words to come out-

Geralt would always catch him staring at his own reflection, hating himself. He would climb out of bed, come behind Jaskier and hug him, resting his chin on Jaskier’s shoulder. He would tangle their fingers together, and press a kiss to the side of Jaskier’s head.

“You’ll get there, love.”

Jaskier would turn, drawing Geralt as close as he could, and wait until he felt those strong, familiar arms envelop him.

He didn’t deserve Geralt, honestly. He truly, truly didn’t. He was so patient with him. Somehow, Geralt always seemed to understand him. It was like when they were younger, and Jaskier had been able to decipher every “Hmm” or hum that Geralt made.

He always knew what Jaskier needed, and Jaskier loved him for it.

The day Jaskier spoke again was the day he got married.

It had been a dream, something he had vaguely thought about but never quite thought possible. Geralt proposed to him by the sea, his hair whipping in the wind, and Jaskier thought at that moment that he may be an angel. He said yes, of course.

The ceremony was to be small, with only their closest friends present. Yennefer had taken over the preparations, her only reaction to the news of their engagement a smile and “finally”

It was a dream.

Until it turned into a nightmare.

Because the first time Jaskier spoke, the first time he said Geralt’s name in years.

Was his scream as his fiancé (his almost husband they had been so close-) was run through.

The blood covering his hands as he held his Witcher, holding him close, as his tears threatened to blur his vision. “Geralt, Geralt- I-” he stuttered, hating that he couldn’t even say goodbye properly.

Geralt smiled, his mouth full of blood. Jaskier felt sick.

“Oh dear heart,” Geralt said, his voice so full of love. “It’s okay. I love you, my bard. It’s not- not your fault.”

The howl of anguish Jaskier let out as his fiancé died in his arms was indescribable.

At Geralt’s funeral, Jaskier finally spoke. It wasn’t much (not what Geralt deserved, he deserved so much better-)

As the casket fell down into the earth, Jaskier dropped his bundle of dandelions (Geralt said he loved them because they reminded him of Jaskier, once) on the ground, his eyes filling yet again.

He knelt, his chest feeling so heavy he couldn’t breathe, and he was thrown back to the dungeons from so long ago, helpless and alone.

Except this time, Geralt truly wasn’t coming.

“I’m sorry.” His whisper was soft.

He clutched Geralt’s medallion, given to him the night before his death-

Geralt smiled, his hands cupping Jaskier’s face. “This, this used to be the most important thing in my life. It meant that I belonged somewhere, that I had a home.” He pulled off the medallion, pressing it into Jaskier’s hands, and folding them gently over it.

“But now you’re my home. You always have been, it just took me so long to see it. It’s yours.”

Jaskier buried his face in his hands and sobbed, letting the grief take over. It was yet another one of those nights, when he felt so alone he thought he might die. He was clutching Geralt’s medallion like a lifeline, trying to stay afloat-

He didn’t deserve to be there. Not when Geralt was dead. It should have been him, it was always going to be him.

He burned his lute that night.

The lute- his first gift from his travels with Geralt, a constant reminder of all that he had lost. His music, his voice, and his Witcher.

He threw it into the fireplace, watching it slowly be engulfed by the flames.

He was broken.

His soul burned with his lute.

The bard followed his Witcher, forever, and always.

[ihyperfixatedtoohard]

We had an AI write fanfiction for us.

TW: Bodily functions (Ie: expelling a certain thing from your ass), referring to Geralt somewhat femininely I guess???, Sexual content, Jaskier is referred to as Geralt's grandmother... so suede incest????? WAIT! I JUST WENT BACK AND READ IT AND JASKIER IS ACTUALLY RELATED TO HIM! HE'S HIS AUNT AND GRANDMA!

The Witcher : The Secret of the pillow

by Serenity Darkmoon Raven

A/N: All my story's take place in a alternate reality where the characters act this way.

---

A little Later, White Wolf was taking a shit.

He was having trouble though.

It felt like days passed and still no sign of release.

"Help..Errrr... ahhhh! Christ! when is this epic poo gonna pass!?" The Butcher of Blavikan exclaimed, His face wincing with effort.

He made every effort in his little boy body to expel this demon thing from his womanly back side.

Just as The Butcher of Blavikan was going in for another push..

Without warning the bathroom door suddenly burst open unexpectedly. Ahhhh!

"Well hello...White Wolf" a seductive noise whispered from the doorway.

A shadowy person stood leaning against the door frame. His deep, sensual voice which The Witcher knew immediately. His mind began racing and a nervous sweat began pouring from his face and groinal area.

"The Human... is that you? wha- what are you still doing awake...?"

He appeared in nothing but a towel, seemingly ready to take a steamy shower.

However He couldn't with Geralt of Rivia near by....they were like family now.The Human was like His grandma.

Any sane person would never allow their own grandma to see them in the nude. Right? RIGHT!!?! SHIT!"

"Oh I felt dirty from masturbating all day...ya ever feel dirty Geralt of Rivia?"

"Y-Yes, I mean NO! NO! NO! Never" Geralt of Rivia shrieked, He became so immensely worked up he cleaned his colon clear of the demon feces that had been clogging it. His voice also cracked like he was 13 again, but in comparison to the loud flatulence he just unleashed, who cares? The Bard heard though, and giggled like a adorable baby girl laugh. It sent tingles all up The Butcher of Blavikan's spine.

"Oh you've always been the shy one in the family, The Butcher of Blavikan..."

Geralt was not shy, at all. He defeated The Wild Hunt and blew up Her evil machines for Christ's sake! and now he suddenly found himself speechless. Was He going to see his metaphorical grandma literally naked? Little did he know, that was merely a choclate source on the banana split of love that was to come.

"..the shy and excitable one." said The Bardling finishing the sentence with a sly smile.

"Wh-what the..." and before White Wolf could send the third word out of His mouth..

..The Bard's towel dropped to the floor,setting his swingy bits free into the mist of the shower.

Geralt of Rivia noticed everything on him instantly. His soft butt,his magically gravity-defying middle leg and the tiny thingy colored birth mark on his butt, which made Him feel funny...as He had one there too.

Still, the sight of his near perfect body caused White Wolf's penis to become very hard. It stood erect and proud, pointing straight towards the mighty heavens.

"hehe oh my Geralt of Rivia...you're more impressive than I thought."

"uh... ye-yeah, th-thaaanks Jaskier, you're cute too." THIS IS SO WRONG! It raced through his head at lightning speed. But the beautiful, wet, soapy body that stood before him spoke otherwise. Him shapely body was everything Geralt of Rivia could want in something to wank to. Yet did family like relationship matter?..

...

...

NAAAAAH!!

But just as The Butcher of Blavikan was commiting. Commiting to a path that they couldn't go back from.

Geralt burst into the toilet!

"What are you too upto?"

"Err..nothing" said Geralt as he causally slipped his pants back on.

The Bard, who The Witcher didnt notice, picked up his towel and backed out slowly.

"Really?"

"I was just having a shit...see?" Geralt of Rivia gestured to his shit.

"Oh, thats a shit all right! One hell of a shit!

Ok, if your done we better go"

So White Wolf put his other pants on and left. He had a serious case of blue balls, but at least his anus didnt feel so bad now.

As he walked out The Human whispered one word. A word fall of hope.

"Later"

The Witcher Giggled.

Fortunately, their traveling companion was as oblivious as ever, and didn't notice.

---

A long long time ago, the legendary Ciri was forged....

Jaskier winked at The Butcher of Blavikan when no one else was looking.

"Later" he mouthed at him silently so no one could hear.

---

This is a story about how Jaskier, and Triss all first met. It takes place in Rivia Highschool before all the events, incidents and happenings happened..

In this story is a jock, Geralt of Rivia is a dork and Yennefer is the school pet.

We join our bros as they first check their school timetables.

"Who are you guys anyway?"

"Yo yo yo I am " said , pretending to be cool.

"Yo yo yo I am The Wild Hunt" said The Wild Hunt, who was actually really cool!

"Our next class is next" said The Raven haired Witch.

"I noticed. We should go together." said Geralt of Rivia.

So they did.

When they got to class they went in and went to their chairs.

The chairs were hard and made from wood. Probably hard wood.

They sat down on their chairs (different ones).

At that moment The Wild Hunt came into the class room.

"omg! look its The Wild Hunt " said Yennefer.

"Welcome class" said the teacher.The teacher was sexy, btw. All the teachers were sexy.

"Your first class, ever, is design and technology. So open your books to page 86 and start learning."

Geralt started learning intensely. His mind was filled with Design And Technology.

was actually trying to learn stuff, but failing because they sucked hard.

The Wild Hunt looked like they were studying, but Geralt knew they was clearly just faking it. Probably cheating. Yes, her was cheating at learning.

"Stop cheating!" said Geralt

"Screw you!" said The Wild Hunt

Teacher turned around sexily.

"Who said that?"

"Geralt and The Wild Hunt did!" said , who was keen to grass people up. Because sucks.

"This is my final warning you two!" said Teacher.

Geralt went back to his business studies book to continue learning.

The Wild Hunt, however, had other evil plans.

From her desk she got out a plastic straw. She winked evily at The Witcher....

....and then blew a rolled up bit of paper at the teacher!

"ahh!" said the Teacher.

"Ok, thats it! The Wild Hunt and The Butcher of Blavikan goto the principles office right now!"

"but..."

"Now"

The Wild Hunt cackled as she went out the room. Geralt of Rivia followed depressively.

"Its not fair, you did it"

"life's not fair you pipsqueak"

After a unpleasant walk, they arrived at the principles principle office.

---

Later, The Witcher and The Bardling were alone again.

"Its Later" said The Bard, pulling Geralt of Rivia towards the bathroom.

"But what about the others?"

"I'll just tell them you are helping me shower. They wont suspect a thing"

"True. They are all idiots"

Then, suddenly, The Bard was naked. White Wolf wondered how He did that. He must have been nearly naked this whole time!

The shower turned on...

..The Witcher was already.

Jaskier lathered up good and fine. The soap dripped off His body at a seductively slow pace. Geralt could not contain the powerful urge of excitement that raced through His veins.

The alluring look of his nudie comrade became too much for him to fathom and his erect penis launched a mighty wad of semen directly onto Geralt of Rivia's eye.

There The Witcher sat, His pink panties pulled quickly down at his ankles, on a toilet full of poop with His bodly fluids on full display, eyes bulging from His face.

The Bard giggled as Geralt of Rivia's dignity shriveled and died, but Geralt of Rivia had always enjoyed that delightful snicker, even after He found out He was His own flesh and blood.

"Well...wh-what do we do now?" The Witcher said, desperately trying to sound suave.

"It. We do it."

"it?"

"yes. it"

"we do it?"

"yes"

"oh"

...and with that The Human jumped on The Butcher of Blavikan. What little remained of their clothes plopped of quickly. Some fell in the toilet.

"um... lets g-get you outta my toil-dreams and into my bed." White Wolf stuttered, desperately trying to be slick, yet he knew it was hopeless to be suave on the shitter.

The Human hopped gleefully out of the shower, the soap continued pouring from His shapely body.Geralt of Rivia stood up from the toilet, His naughty bits proudly waving about and His pants still down around His ankles. He hurried to chase His shapely body down.

He fell in the door way, tripping over His pants. He pulled His face up from the floor and gazed at The Bard, DANCING ON THE KITCHEN TABLE

The night wreaked of eroticisms...and White Wolf could see that it was going to be a all you can eat porkfest.

And it was!

The Bard was soon ridding Geralt like a pogo stick.

"Poke me! DEEPER! DEEPER! GODDAMNIT!"

"Oh God I'm going to hell!" Geralt of Rivia screamed.

Geralt still had his Hawaiian shirt on and The Human was dripping soapy water all over the bed.

His perky penis swung around, like a happy child on a moon bounce. UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT!, Geralt of Rivia liked it. It was a big, beautiful thing that ached to be sucked on.

Geralt especially liked that from this angle He could not see the awkward birth mark on His ass cheek. Which was a relief. White Wolf wanted to be hard and strong where it counts for the person He had always thought of as His aunty.

"Oh Geralt!" He breathed heavily, deep and cavernous "is what we're doing wrong!?!?"

"OH GOD YES!!" He yelled back at His naked aunty.

"GOOD! YES! YES! YES! YES AUNTY!!!" The Bard screamed.

When it was over they cleaned themselves, the room and the nearby hut down.

It took awhile - fortunately they finished before any of their friends got back. So their little secret was safe...for now.

---

"Sit down" said the Principle.

They did so. Geralt wondered what would happen. There was plenty of witness's to what The Wild Hunt did. But would they dare tell?

"So, The Wild Hunt, I heard you did something rather naughty to Teacher"

"yes sir"

The Butcher of Blavikan breathed a sigh of relief. Good! The principle knows! The Wild Hunt must be going to get expelled! Wait...why did she admit it though?

"I had too Sir. You see.....Teacher was a spy!"

Geralt of Rivia and the Principle looked shocked.

"what?"

"yes sir, a spy"

The principle couldn't punish The Wild Hunt if he did that too a spy. That makes him a school hero! And no one could prove Teacher wasn't a spy!

"Ok The Wild Hunt you can go. "

Noooo! thought Geralt. She got away with it!

"You, The Witcher,however will have to have some detections. You have no excuse for what you did!"

Geralt was depressed. He lost this round it seems. But he knew for future reference that The Wild Hunt was evil. He knew they would fight again, and next time he would have to win!

-The Start

[purplebunny0517]

There are two things I can't express enough how much I love about it in the whole Merigold Hailstorm ™ scene in Rivia: while my precious baby Triss was having all the glory to herself and she was painted as such, she would most certainly be dead were it not Yennefer who shielded both of them when Triss was not able to; and when Triss told Yennefer gently but firmly afterwards that there's still something she wants to protect she meaned and only meaned Yennefer because Ciri and (ew) Geralt was nowhere in sight. This is my dream Trissefer dynamic as it always should have been in spite of the man drama between them. They were not supposed to be at each other's throat like they were moments ago before shit went down

(Also as a sidenote I prefer book!Triss over game!Triss so that she can match Yenna's bitchiness on some level because she may be a cinnamon roll but a DEADLY one at that also I am weak for women with a dirty mouth

[roxinnaxu]

The Witcher fic recs

Now that people are forced to stay home I thought ”hey, why not share some amazing fanfics for people to read”. Fanfiction is amazing, amazing thing and I love spreading knowledge of new fics and fics that people might have not read yet! Here we go!

(Note: most of these are centered around geraskier, as that’s a very common ship and I love their relationship, no matter if it’s platonic or romantic or whatever else. Most of these also include angst and hurt Jaskier, in some way or another. I will include content warnings)

CW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS and SELF-HARM

in restless dreams i walked alone (the sound of silence) by august_embers

Chapters: 3/3

Fandom: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Jaskier is not okay sometimes, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, No actual suicide attempt, Pre-Slash, Geralt is trying his best, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, major depressive disorder is a bitch and a half, Yennefer has her own definition of helpful Summary:

"Geralt is able to scent the guilt on a lying man from ten feet away, to catch sight of half a pawprint in the undergrowth in the dead of night, to know when to lean back before the coming blade can cut through his throat. Much of it comes from his training at Kaer Morhen, where his instincts were honed and enhanced, but even more comes from his travels and experiences while walking the Path. Geralt notices things, because not noticing means death.

He does not notice the lack of singing."

Something is very wrong with Jaskier.

Ok so I love love love this fic! It has suicidal Jaskier, which I am a fan of (mostly because that hurt/comfort and vent), and Geralt finding out and being terrified and comforting him, and Yennefer relating and being a good friend, thought maybe not in the best way.

-

CW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SELF-HARM and mentioned CAR ACCIDENT in the past

a tapestry of scars by @splendidlyimperfect​

Chapters: 3/3 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold, Roach (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Meet-Cute, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Mental Health Issues, Bipolar Disorder, Self-Harm, Scars, scars from self injury, Reference to previous suicide attempt, Trauma, talk of previous car accident, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dogs, Roach is the best therapy dog, yes I'm projecting on Jaskier, but at least he gets all the puppy cuddles, and Geralt tries his best to be comforting, Geraskier Week Summary:

Jaskier comes into Geralt's life on a sunny afternoon in May - wide smiles and baby blue eyes; breathtaking stories and half-written song lyrics. He's mesmerizing and full of life, and Geralt can't look away. But sunshine doesn't last forever, and when Jaskier disappears, Geralt learns that beautiful things have dark and broken pieces, and even damaged people can help fix them.

I’m just going to put these suicidal Jaskier fics here. That trope is comforting, so bear with me. This one is a modern au, and it has fluff and comfort and found family! Yen and Jaskier are friends and Triss too and I love it! Geralt is a bit clueless but nonetheless comforting and reassuring and worried. And Roach is a three-legged therapy dog!

-

CW: vague SUICIDAL MINDSET

Bones by @runninghaunted​

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Witcher (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Roach (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Additional Tags: No monsters have been harmed in the making of this fic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, headcanons about witchers, timeframe? Never heard of her, Post Season 1, Geralt doesn‘t do feelings dammit, spoiler: he does them anyway, Jaskier you are a dramatic idiot, we stan this boy, if roach could talk there wouldn‘t be any problems at all, systematic butchering of tags and language Series: Part 1 of Kindred Summary:

Jaskier knows that Geralt will probably end up killing him eventually.

I love this fic series! I don’t want to spoil anything but Jaskier is not what he seems and also has a lot of issues, most of which he ignores completely. Also Geralt does not know what to do.

-

CW: POISON and implied, non-graphic TORTURE

Sometimes a Hammer, Sometimes a Lockpick by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels​

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Humor, BAMF Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Being a Feral Bastard, Casually Poisoning an Entire Castle, As you do, Hurt Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Soft Jaskier | Dandelion, Vague Hints To Jaskier Being Elvish, Whoever Said 'You Can't Just Waltz in Here' Never Met Jaskier Summary:

Geralt's been in a dungeon for two weeks and is understandably frustrated. Jaskier, on the other hand, is what one might call... livid.

THIS is the feral bard Jaskier content that I’m craving. He’s sneaky and competent and determined and also almost poisons the whole castle. Also has that good good Geralt angst.

-

CW: TORTURE and MIND GAMES

To Sleep Perchance To by sospes

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Games, Magical Fuckery Summary:

Jaskier gets kidnapped and tortured. Geralt comes to rescue him.

Except it's not quite that simple.

Ohh boy this is the Hurt Jaskier Fic. He is tortured in a way where Geralt comes to rescue him or hurt him over and over and over again, and it focuses mostly on that (it has a bit of an open ending and only the start of recovery, so if you are looking for a recovery fic, this is maybe not for you. If you are looking for Jaskier whump and worried Geralt and caring Yennefer? This is absolutely for you)

-

CW: almost DROWNING

Shining by @nemainofthewater

Chapters: 37/37 Fandom: The Witcher (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, very much in the background - Relationship, Jaskier & Borch, Jaskier & Saesenthessis Characters: Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Roach (The Witcher), Borch Three Jackdaws | Villentretenmerth, Saesenthessis, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Vea (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Don't copy to another site, Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, dragon!Jaskier, he doesn't know about it though, Introspection, Episode 1x06: Rare Species, jaskier is forcibly adopted, Swearing, Emotions, cute baby dragons, Telepathy, Fluff, Family, Cuddling, Transformation, there will be a happy ending I promise, no grimdark fantasy here, Found Family, several instances of, Kidnapping, all of the same person, there is angst here not going to lie but all will work out in the end Series: Part 1 of dragon!Jaskier Summary:

Things that Jaskier can remember about his family: -His mother stroking his hair, the soft murmur of her voice as he settled more comfortably against her. There was firelight and warmth and love. -A brief moment of triumph and then the feeling of weightlessness as his father lifts him from the tree and cradles him to his chest. The steady rhythm of his heart in his breast. -Reaching up to the sky. He’s not sure what for. Possibly for his parents, though he knows that they are gone, that they have left him, that they are never coming back. -His grandfather’s stern visage. The knowledge that he doesn’t want him. That no one wants him. Being sent to temple school is honestly a relief.

Jaskier is (unknowingly) a dragon and is (forcibly) adopted by Borch, post Rare Species.

Ok so this is just the best non-human Jaskier fic! Jaskier is a gold dragon and has a family and also everyone is constantly kidnapping him! (It does have angst and hurt/comfort and it’s so beautiful!) If you are looking for a multi-chapter fic with an amazing plot, you are in the right place

-

CW: RAPE

The Public Perception of the Barding Profession by sospes

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Feelings, Sexual Assault, Rape, Idiots in Love, Angst Summary:

“I’m a bard, Geralt,” Jaskier says, like that explains everything. “To a lot of people, there’s a very fine line between a musician and a whore. A line that’s so fine that, in fact, it doesn’t really exist."

Geralt learns that Jaskier's life can be just as painful as his, sometimes.

This has very, very good hurt/comfort centered around the fact that Jaskier, as a bard, is used to people having sex with him, no matter if he wants it or not. I love the protective Geralt, hurt/comfort and angst with it, but be mindful of the themes and warnings!

-

That’s it for now! I might continue this rec list at some point, but right now I can’t think of anything else. Feel free to put your faves in, though! And remember to leave kudos and comments!

[witchofmorena]

I was tagged by @merthurlocked​ thank you so much love✨ your choices were very nice

rules: list your top five (or ten) witcher characters ranked in order of sexiness/your willingness to do the deed, and tag some poor, unfortunate souls to do the same

1. Renfri - cause she doesn’t give a damn what anyone wants and does her own thing (almost cried when she died)

2.  Vilgefortz of Roggeveen - just look at him, so pretty and cute and freaking badass

3. Geralt of Rivia (duh) - I mean look at that sexy sexy son of a witch

4. Fringilla - feels kinda unpopular, but I found her pretty awesome (especially before going to Nilfgaard) also look at her locks and the gentle(ish) look in her eyes, the innocence just sdjnaldljbisa 

5. Yennefer - pretty obvious why, completely fell in love w/ her at the very beginning 

6. Triss Merigold - prefer game!Triss....I mean I def get why Geralt was w/ her soooo......just look how fierce and ready to burn whatever down she is *sigh* so pretty sexy

7. Lambert - just look...how can anyone not want him? how can anyone not want to cuddle him?(actually this goes for Geralt and Eskel too)

8. Eskel 

9. Pavetta - seems very sweet, but what do we know? (she is a monsterfucker after all)

10. Tissaia - she is pretty damn sexy tbh 

now unfortunate souls i tag are: @a-kind-of-merry-war​, @geralt-of-baevia​ and @wildbluerobotvampire​ (sorry for spam if you are already tagged guys)

[murfeelee]

Alright, I’ve been talking about The Witcher TV show for months and months, and now I’ve FINALLY seen it.

I've skimmed through the books here and there, but really I’m a diehard fan of the video games, particularly The Witcher 3 (I’ve played TW1 and TW2 as well). Because of all the hype, attention and love the TW3 got over the years, with even Henry Cavill being a major fan of the video games, Netflix went and made this tv show, with Cavill as Geralt of Rivia, The Witcher.

MY THOUGHTS

It was GOOD! \(^0^)/ I really liked it!

Alright, don’t get excited, I think this show had some serious problems. But we’ll start with the good before getting to the bad and the ugly.

THE GOOD

THE ACTING

Everyone was top notch, and did a fantastic job. I freaking LOVE Grandma Calanthe, omg. I wanted more of her, and Mama Tissaia, and the different sorceresses (when Sodden started I was like hooo boy, I know how this goes; the finale is WORTH the price of admission, folks).

I even liked Eclipse-Princess (her name escapes me, my bad; I was calling her Arya 2.0 in my head). Don’t think I effing missed how they threw in a nod to the Eclipse Princess from Blood & Wine; that was awesome, featuring the Black Sun “curse” again.

I already knew I was gonna HAVE to tune in to see Yennefer’s story, and it was every bit as superb as I suspected it would be. Dare I say it was THE most interesting story arc of the three? Caught me tearing up a few times. I still don’t see book/game/Polish Yennefer with her, but she did a GREAT job, nonetheless--her emotions and delivery and everything was excellent.

She sounds so dang young though, which throws me off with the timeline, cuz when exactly does Yenn’s story take place in all of this? It’s hard to match her with the more...well....matronly/mature persona we’re more familiar with in the games. But I guess she develops that over time, after getting to raise Ciri. Though this does put in better perspective why she was so mean to Ciri at first, calling her ugly and everything. She wanted a child so badly, and Geralt just...gets one by surprise, and she was feeling bitter, I see it now.

THE ACTION

And I gotta give it to Cavill. Boy can MOVE. My favorite moments with Cavill were when he was sword fighting; whoever choreographed all that needs a frikkin award. I imagined the Butcher of Blaviken just tearing up mofos, and that’s exactly what we got. And he was WERKING them pants! XD

Except we never really saw my favorite sign, Igni. Oh well. And I hate that he doesn’t have cat eyes. And the Toxicity ISTG makes him look like a vampire and makes no effing sense, but whatevs.

And sometimes he was sounding WAY too Batman or demonic with this really deep and gravelly voice -- I appreciate that he was trying to give us that gruff and sandpaper dry video game Geralt, but when they’d make him yell or be mad I was like JFC NOT TODAY SATAN. But an attempt was made, and I appreciate it. ^_^ He was fine for the most part. More than fine, even. As I said, the acting & action was great, and they played to Cavill’s strengths.

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS

I also thought the CGI was fine--not the best, no, but I’ve seen way worse in shows with bigger budgets. The dragons...eh.... And that kikimore.... Well, I’m just remembering the Polish tv show, the Hexer--BIG improvement. Trust me. O_O The practical effects were excellent. Even though they messed around A LOT with the Striga plot from TW1, and what it looked like, I did like that they stayed pretty faithful to the fight. 

THE STORIES & CHARACTERS

IMO, the best episode was E04, with Pavetta & Duny. It was just REALLY well done, and the one I was LEAST expecting. My favorite episode was E06, with the dragon, because of course. Reminded me of Hercules the Legendary Journeys, IDKY. The finale was really good, too; I love the sorceresses and all the magic. And E07 when all the plots and flashbacks come together was great.

And now for MY COMPLAINTS

THE BAD

#1) OMG WTF WAS UP WITH THE TIMELINE?

I feel BAD for anyone who’s watching this show fresh, who’s never played the games, read the books, seen the Polish Hexer tv show, played Gwent, or anything related to the Witcher world.

I was thrown off several times, as they shot from Ciri running for her life or Geralt fighting a Striga in the present time; to Yennefer learning magic in the past. Geralt & Dandelion go on adventures Shrek & Donkey style--I ASSUMED in the present, with the Sylvan, Djinn & Dragon, until an episode or two later they’re in Cintra together in the PAST, and Ciri’s not even born yet, and we’re seeing a drunk Ermion/Mousesack and young Crach an Craite (I squeed, my dad~!! His accent was on point!), and Ciri’s mom and grandma. (And WOW, the lady they got to play the mom looks just like the actress playing Ciri--are they related?)

And they do this over and over again over the episodes--present day with Ciri, eff knows when with Geralt or Yennefer. Especially since you know from the books/games that they’re both almost 100 years old. Yenn keeps throwing out “it’s been decades“ this and “years” that. But W H E N though!?!

I mean, I could follow along, sure, but they REALLY needed to make it clearer SOONER for people who have NO idea who TF these people or which kingdoms are which, that some things are happening YEARS apart from each other. Pay attention to how many times GoT shoved those maps of Westeros and Essos in our faces. Or how different shows use color filters for flashbacks or something. Properly situate the audience in time AND space--we’re not Cirilla, who can travel willy nilly between both. They bounced back and forward between past and present with the toss of a frikkin coin.

And speaking of coins...

#2) THE MUSIC WAS...Well.

Oh, Dandelion. XD

Anyone who knows me knows I fangirl HARD over the Witcher video game OSTs. And unfortunately, the music on the tv show was just...alright. :\ And for a franchise so closely connected to iconic music like the band Percival, it’s a crime against nature that the tv show never had a single track that made me go YES. Give it up for POLAND. The end credits song is okay, but I only started getting into it at like Episode 6, soooo... :\

And no, I didn’t like Toss A Coin to Your Witcher in this show. It didn’t sound like part of this medievalesque universe AT ALL, but something kinda pop/country, aimed at I don’t even know who. Sure, the dude playing Dandelion can sing. But so can Ed Sheeran, and when GoT got him to sing on the show, he sure AF didn’t bust out with the next Billboard Top 40 on us in the middle of nowhere.

#3) THE CHARACTER BONDING?

The acting was top notch...it was the plot/writing I didn’t like. Or rather, the relationships between the characters. I felt more for Yennefer & Istredd, and Geralt & Roach, and Ciri & the Elf boy (and her grandma), and even Pavetta & effing Duny/Emhyr (that royal piece of sh!te) than I did for any other characters on this whole show. And that’s a bit of a problem.

First off, I HATED how they made it seem that TEENAGED Ciri had no idea who TF Geralt was. TV Ciri’s gotta be what? 15? Geralt said something about it having been 12 years since Pavetta & Duny, but even that’s too old. Book!Ciri met Geralt IN the Brokilon or whatever forest with all the water drinking and the dryad queen and mess.

They were already obsessed with each other before the fall of Cintra even happened! Ciri was like 10 already when Geralt took Ciri to Kaer Morhen to start her Witcher training, but this girl on the show’s way older, and effing clueless. They don’t even meet til the final few SECONDS, wtf!! It’s just Destiny~! Destiny~! Child of Surprise, but we never even have a scene together~! Destiny~!

Speaking of children, we have Yennefer and Geralt, which was better, but again, WOAH with the pacing. I felt effing BAD for Istredd! :( I don’t really GET why Geralt & Yenn fell so hard for each other; I don’t really feel that connection. Geralt had just as much bonding time with that eclipse-princess! They only had the Djinn episode, really, and by the end of the Dragon episode it was already over!

I mean, yeah, in the books/game they have A LOT of ups and downs, but come on; we’ve already wasted so much time on Geralt & Triss (that homewrecking wench, I’m glad her airtime was minimal), and I just want more BAMF battle couple parents Geralt & Yenn raising Ciri already! >_<

Same with Geralt & Dandelion. Geralt’s kinda mean to him, which is fair; Geralt hates everyone. But I don’t feel where they’re friends at all, and they part at the end of the season on NOT great terms. I kinda feel Geralt doesn’t really like Dandelion at all. :( Even with the whole comedic relief Shrek schtick,

THE UGLY

#4) THE LENGTH

I dunno what’s up with all the 8 episode miniseries lately (GoT, Mandalorian, Witcher, etc), but it REALLY isn’t enough to really flesh out a story. Especially not one as convoluted as The Witcher, AKA the GoT of Poland.

Again, I REALLY feel for the casuals watching, who probably don’t know what the Conjunction of Spheres Istredd keeps referring to is, or what exactly a Witcher is, or why Ciri’s so dang special -- was Lara Dorren or the Elder Blood ever even MENTIONED???

We know Yenn’s got elf blood, but it’s waaaay more than that with Ciri -- though I don’t think they mentioned her elf blood, either, just that Calanthe’s grandmother or someone had their Banshee powers before Pavetta & Ciri.

BTW, wtf with Ermion/Mousesack? That’s gotta be a red herring or something. Cuz we know this dude’s old AF and thriving in Skellige, sooo....? TF. Why the Doppler? Why?

TBH this felt like Season 1A, if anything. I don’t feel the plot really progressed much at all, other than us getting Yennefer’s story. Ciri & Geralt finally meet (cliffhanger supreme right there), but jfc this felt like a prequel -- so much of the season was dedicated to backtracking us in a roundabout way up to the fall of Cintra, then skipping ahead to the Battle at Sodden Hill.

And why the heck did they wait so long to get to get to Vigelfortz!? That’s what I was sitting here WAITING for! You mean I gotta wait for Season TWO to see my Hanse in full force!? :( URGH. Reeeeeeeegiiiiiiiis~! :(

Maybe cut out some of the unnecessary nudity every frikkin where and tell the full frikkin story, hmm? (Yenn’s boobs look great, we got it the first 5 times. Meanwhile these cowards won’t even have a dude’s left testicle be shown on screen, but whatever.)

So yeah, those are my 4 biggest complaints.

Well, and that wig’s hard AF hair line, jfc.(I was DYING during the Pavetta & Duny scene, when Cavill was holding on to that wig for dear life. XD XD)

Otherwise, I really liked the show! B+!

[tolietfrog]

In Hope: Geralt x Reader

Word Count: 1,375

Warnings: cursing, implied smut

The night was dark, except for the occasional light from a Redanian torch. You pulled your hood tighter over your head, praying that the night would camouflage you. Novigrad was a dangerous place for mages, especially now. Most of your friends had gone into hiding or had completely fled the city. You knew you should have packed up months ago but held out in hope. 

In hope for Geralt. 

You were aware it was stupid. Of course, you knew. Geralt was on some quest to look for Ciri, or at least he was the last time he had written to you. But some feeling in the pit of your stomach was making you hold out. Maybe, just maybe, you would run into him in Novigrad, where he had promised to meet you before Emhyr and Yennefer had dug their claws into him. 

There was also the chance he wouldn’t show up, and you would end up rotting in a cell, courtesy of the Mage Hunters. 

Thank the Gods you were an optimist. 

Moving across the cobbled streets as quiet as you could be, you headed straight for The Rosemary and Thyme. Dandelion would be there, as he always was. And you needed some heavy liquor. Normally, you wouldn’t risk going to a public place, but today was different. You had used a little magic to make yourself look different, just enough so that the soldiers wouldn’t recognize you from your wanted posters hanging up all around the city.  You hadn’t seen some of your friends in so long, that you were desperate and this was a worthwhile risk. 

The door to the former brothel creaked open as your slim hand pushed against it. 

“We’re closed. Get yer fucking ass out,” Zoltan Chivay drawled, a drink in hand. He was sitting at the bar and hadn’t bothered to look your way. 

“No way to greet a friend, now, Zoltan.” You replied, crossing your arms and crossing the barrier into the building. 

“Y/N? Yer lookin’ different, but I’d recognize that voice and stance anywhere,” Zoltan said in surprise as he turned around.

“Just a little magic,” You made your way over to the bar and hopped onto the counter, letting your legs swing, “I couldn’t handle not seeing anyone I knew.” 

Zoltan grinned widely and set his drink down, “Then yer in luck, Y/N. The gang’s all here. Dandelion is upstairs, currently writing some piece of shit for his newest lady. Triss will be back soon, she went out to finish a contract. And... I believe Geralt is with her.”

Your legs stopped swinging and you froze. 

“How long… how long has Geralt been in town?” You asked, brushing a stray piece of your hair back behind your ear. 

“Ohh, I’d say a week. Been helping out Triss with some things, Dandelion with some others. Helped me out as well.”

He’d been in town for a week. A week, and he hadn’t even bothered to find you. He knew you were living in Novigrad. Hell, he had even helped you move into your old flat - that is, before you had to go into hiding. You could feel heat come to your face. Oh, how foolish you felt. To think that the two years you had been together had meant anything more to him then Yennefer, or even Triss. You were just a rebound off of those two. Even though you parted on good terms, it didn’t mean he would just find you as soon as he was in town, naturally, he’d find Triss first, of course he’d find Triss first - 

Your thoughts were interrupted as the door clanged. Both you and Zoltan turned around. 

“Speak of the damn devil and he shall rise,” You muttered under your breath. 

Geralt of Rivia was standing by the door, looking as shocked as a witcher could manage. 

“Y/N… I didn’t expect you,” Geralt said, halting on his words. 

“Of course not,” You replied, your hands gripping the edge of the bar, “I’m not normally expected places.” 

“I, erm, just remembered. Dandelion was expecting me to help him with his ballad. Best be off,” Zoltan interjected, doing his best to worm himself out of the no doubt awkward situation. 

Both you and Geralt didn’t watch Zoltan as he left the room, but rather just stared down each other. 

“How could you tell it was me? I’ve used magic to change my appearance. Didn’t want to get caught by the Mage Hunters.” You finally broke the silence but kept your seat on the top of the bar.

“I can always tell if it's you,” Geralt started to move closer to where you were. 

“Save it. I don’t need your awkward and subpar flirting right now, Geralt,” You put up a hand. 

In all truth, you didn’t think Geralt’s comment was awkward and subpar, you just didn’t want him to be pleased with himself. 

Geralt was silent, just standing. You could feel his eyes on you. Closing your eyes, you tilted your head upwards.

“I thought you’d be with Triss.”

“I was.” Geralt ran a hand through his hair, “She’s gone. Left with the rest of the mages in the city - except for you - to Kovir.” 

“They all left?” You opened your eyes, “All of them? Gone?”

“You didn’t know? Triss said that you refused to go.” 

“I did. I, uh, didn’t want to leave, mage hunters be damned.” You faltered a bit, trying to quickly come up with a reason for not going besides Geralt. 

“Y/N, you should have gone with them. You could have been safe, and now you’re stuck in Novigrad, which is getting worse by the second.” Geralt’s voice started to get louder, until he was yelling at you, “You’ve got to be insane. What on earth could possibly make you stay when your fellow mages are getting killed in broad daylight, burnt at the stake! Every time I pass one of them burning, I always check, just to make sure it’s not-” Geralt suddenly stopped, the words dying on his lips.

“It’s not what?” You asked quietly, hopping off the bar. 

“That they aren’t you.”

“Why do you care?” You snapped, looking at him, “Zoltan told me you’ve been in town for a week. A week! Why didn’t you bother to look for me?”

“I was going to. As soon as I got wind of Ciri’s trail! Then I found Triss, got caught up in helping her, I didn’t have the time-”

“Bullshit!” You shouted, slamming a fist on the counter, “Bullshit! Bullshit! You probably didn’t even remember me, why would you?! Two years don’t mean anything, not to a wit-” 

You gasped, as suddenly, you were pinned on the floor, an angry-looking Geralt on top of you. His white hair hung down and was brushing against your face. 

“Those two years meant everything to me,” Geralt replied gruffly, his nose almost touching yours. 

“Why did you leave me then?” You looked up at him, letting your disguise melt away, the magic seeping into the floors of the Rosemary and Thyme. 

“I needed to make sure. I needed to make sure that I was through with Yennefer, with Triss. I couldn’t fully be with you until I was done with them.”

“Are you done with them?” You asked softly, scared to hear the answer.

“Yes,” Geralt whispered, leaning down.

When your lips met his, all those feelings you thought you had managed to repress came rushing back. You kissed him back fiercely, running a hand through his hair. He groaned lightly, nipping your bottom lip. After what felt like years, Geralt pulled away, grinning. 

“What?” You narrowed your eyes playfully.

“Just thinking of how easy it would be to bed you right now,” He smirked, pressing a kiss to your collarbone. 

“Then why don’t you?” You replied, a mischievous glint in your eyes. 

Geralt suddenly rolled off of you and pulled you up from the floor. 

“I know a place better than the floor. I doubt Dandelion would be too happy to find us down here.” 

“Lead the way,” You grasped his hand as he tugged you towards the stairs. 

You knew for sure you wouldn’t be getting any sleep that night.

[lastdropfalls]

The Witcher Appreciation Week - Day 1

Original post

Aight, let’s do this! I will try to keep this mostly show-related, but will probably fail miserably. Posts might will include spoilers for the books and or games, so read at your own discretion. I’m not good at drawing and I haven’t written anything in years, so I’ll just rant about how much I fell in love with The Witcher.

Day one: favorite character

GERALT OF RIVIA (warning for maaaaassive rant!)

Why? I simply saw so much of me in him while I was reading the books, that I just couldn’t ignore it. While he comes off as this stoic Big Bad Witcher, he’s actually a child (in the best way possible) inside and all he really wants is to be shown a little bit of gentleness and love. Behind the raw exterior he’s quite emotional and caring and pays dearly for this, mostly by royally screwing up his own life. I fell in love with his desperate need to be loved, but the inability to express his emotions for one reason or another. By about the first half of The Last Wish I had fallen in love with him unconditionally and I was and still am very emotionally invested in his well-being.

Favorite art My first brief brush with Geralt was with screens from TW3. My first real brush with The Witcher was through the show. While I consider Henry Cavill’s depiction of Geralt to be a great one, neither “his” Geralt, nor Wiedzmin/Hexer Geralt, nor game Geralt were the image (and voice, for that matter) I saw while reading the books. I’m yet to find an art that depicts him at least a bit close to how I see him in my head. As of the time I wrote this, I wasn’t even aware there’s a rock opera and the guy who plays Geralt there has this far come the closest to how I saw him! Even though I continuously reblog stuff from the games, I deeply dislike the scar CDPR have given him. BUT if I were to pick an all-time-favorite art, it would be this one piece by nikivaszi I found randomly very early in my reading progress while looking up lore. Despite the scar, I think it shows a very soft side of Geralt and kinda best captures the vibe I got off him while reading.

Favorite quote/scene (Writing this section I realized what a sucker I am for soft Geralt and that Time of Contempt is probably my favorite book from the series.) Show: that one scene in Yennefer’s tent. You know which one. Game: so far my most favorite scene is still from TW3 when Geralt finds Ciri and thinks she’s dead. The way he breaks down simply broke my little heart even though I knew she wasn’t dead.

Books: I have so many scenes I adore, but my top two would be this from Time of Contempt

‘Look through that hole again and tell me what they’re doing.’

‘Hmm...’ Ciri bit her lower lip, then leaned over and put her eye closer to the hole. ‘Madam Yennefer is standing by a willow... She’s plucking leaves and playing with her star. She isn’t saying anything and isn’t even looking at Geralt... And Geralt’s standing beside her. He’s looking down and he’s saying something. No, he isn’t. Oh, he’s pulling a face... What a strange expression...’

‘Childishly simple,’ said Dandelion, finding an apple in the grass, wiping it on his trousers and examining it critically. ‘He’s asking her to forgive him for his various foolish words and deeds. He’s apologising to her for his impatience, for his lack of faith and hope, for his obstinacy, doggedness. For his sulking and posing; which are unworthy of a man. He’s apologising to her for things he didn’t understand and for things he hadn’t wanted to understand—’

‘That’s the falsest lie!’ said Ciri, straightening up and tossing the fringe away from her forehead with a sudden movement. ‘You’re making it all up!’

‘He’s apologising  for  things  he’s  only  now  understood,’  said Dandelion, staring at the sky, and he began to speak with the rhythm of a balladeer. ‘For what he’d like to understand, but is afraid he won’t have time for... And for what he will never understand. He’s apologising and asking for forgiveness... Hmm, hmm... Meaning, conscience, destiny? Everything’s so bloody banal...’

and also this, also from Time of Contempt.

‘A most deplorable sight,’ she said, folding her arms across her chest. ‘Someone who has lost everything. You know, minstrel, it is interesting. Once, I thought it was impossible to lose everything, that something always remains. Always. Even in times of contempt, when naivety is capable of backfiring in the cruellest way, one cannot lose everything. But he... he lost several pints of blood, the ability to walk properly, the partial use of his left hand, his witcher’s sword, the woman he loves, the daughter he had gained by a miracle, his faith...Well, I thought, he must have been left with something. But I was wrong. He has nothing now. Not even a razor.’

Favorite relationships With the constant Triss vs. Yennefer fights, I simply had to pick one for Geralt and it’s, drumroll, NEITHER. Seriously. Both of them are just not good enough for him and nothing you can say can change my mind about it. Triss is just way too meek and desperate in her attempts to get him to love her. Yennefer does things for him behind his back, but behaves mostly terribly with him face to face. My pick is probably super unpopular and maybe unconventional, but I do believe Essi is the best fit for him, as she calls him out on his bullsh*t, but does it in a gentle way. Since she passed, however, my next choice would be Shani.

Love aside, I actually love the relationship between show Geralt and show Jaskier. Most people who dislike the show often label it as butchered, Shrek-Donkey-like and so on, but I actually quite enjoy it. As for the books and games, I really love Geralt’s interactions with Regis, especially those in TW3.

[jaskierswolf]

You Set My Heart Ablaze Pt.2/25

Previous

Triss Merigold was bloody exhausted. The start of the school term was always the worst. She had barely had a break for the whole of the first two weeks. She flopped onto the sofa in the staffroom with a dramatic sigh. She loved the kids. She hated the parents. Already she’d been caught up on the phone with parents from the younger tutor forms just calling in to check up on their little darlings. No matter how many times she or the other teachers assured them that the school would notify them of any problems. The parents of the older kids were just as bad, blaming the teachers for their bad parenting skills and insisting that all their children should have been top of the class.

“It’s not that bad Triss.” Istredd Gynvael from the Feainnewedd tutor group hummed.

Istredd was the history teacher for the secondary school children and looked after one of the year ten forms. Overall he was well liked by most of the students, he wasn’t a strict teacher but Triss knew the students sometimes found his classes on the dull side. Not that Triss would ever tell him that. No, that little tidbit was between her and Yennefer alone, maybe Tissaia…

She’d never tell the Headmaster, Stregobor, at least.

“You don’t have to talk to the parents until parents’ evening, Is.” Triss moaned. “I have to deal with them all year round. They all think their angels can do no wrong.”

“We become teachers for the children. The parents are an unfortunate side effect.” Istredd sighed.

There was a murmur of agreement from across the staffroom.

“Sabrina’s mum called me a disgrace and failed artist last year.” Tissaia sighed as she turned a page in her book. “Apparently, they weren’t happy that I gave their daughter some constructive criticism on the use of lighting in her portraits. I’m not going to just throw compliments at every student. They’d never learn otherwise.”

Tissaia de Vries was the school’s art teacher. She was also the form teacher of Forget-Me-Nots, one of the year six classes. She’d been the person to encourage Yennefer’s career as an artist ever since she’d been a student at the school. It had been because of Tissaia that Yennefer had started teaching in the first place.

“Oh hang on!” Jaskier perked up from where he was scribbling in his notebook. “I happen to like the parents of my class.”

Triss rolled her eyes. Jaskier had dropped by her desk at reception at the end of the first day to ask for all the parents’ contact details so he could write his weekly emails. He’d been particularly interested in Ciri’s dad. Of course, Ciri was an interest to all the teachers at the school. She’d already been through hell and she was only six years old. The young girl didn’t seem all that bothered on the surface about her sudden change in circumstances. It was all a bit peculiar.

“That’s because you are a bit of a freak, Julian.” Mr Marx drawled from his corner of the staffroom.

Jaskier’s face turned to thunder and slammed his notebook shut.

Jaskier and Valdo Marx had known each other since before Jaskier started at the school. Their rivalry was legendary amongst the staff. No one was entirely sure of the details behind their feud. From what Triss could tell they had been at University together, both studying music at Oxenfurt. They had had some kind of falling out at some point. No one was really sure what about but last Solstice things had flared up when Valdo had had an affair with Jaskier’s partner. It was also Valdo that had told Stregobor and the rest of the staff that Jaskier’s birth name was Julian, something that her friend seemed to despise. Valdo refused to call Jaskier by his chosen name which never ceased to end in an argument between them.

This time was no different as Jaskier coiled up like a spring, ready to pounce on the other teacher.

“Call me that again one more time and I’m putting in a grievance. Wally.” Jaskier sneered. “Some of us actually care about the children we teach, and that means taking an interest in their home life and working out the best way to teach each child individually.”

“Name calling, Julian. How original.” Mr Marx smirked and patted Jaskier on the head as he moved to leave the room.

“Oh fuck you!” Jaskier called after him. “He’s just bitter because all the year twos wish they were Buttercups and not Foxgloves.” He muttered.

“He’s just bitter because he doesn’t get to talk to Mr Rivia at parents evening.” Triss sighed wistfully. “I would climb him like a tree.”

Jaskier’s scowled faded into a blissed out smile. “Oh he is dreamy isn’t he? Those eyes, like molten amber and that voice. Gods, it’s like sex personified.”

Triss giggled. “I knew it!”

Jaskier went wide eyed and slammed his hands over his mouth. “I said that out loud didn’t I?”

“Must you all be so dramatic?” Istredd called over Triss’s squeals of joy. “I’m trying to mark homework.”

“I think we’ve all earned a break, Istredd, if you want to mark in peace go back to your desk.” Tissaia hummed with eye roll.

Istredd sighed. “Just keep it down, maybe try and remain professional.”

“Oh come on, Is. You’ve not seen him. Geralt Rivia is hot!” Triss nudged her friend.

“Geralt? Yen’s ex?” Istredd put down his marking with a sudden scowl.

“No no no!” Jaskier whined. “Please tell me, I’m not competing with Yennefer Vengerberg!”

“Don’t worry Jaskier, that ship has long sailed. Isn’t that right, Is?” Triss winked at the history teacher. Istredd’s fingers gripped tighter around his pen and he muttered something under his breath before burying his nose back into the sheets of paper in front of him.

“Alright!” Jaskier called. “How many people here have had a crush on Yennefer Vengerberg? Hands up!”

“We’re not your kids, Jaskier.” Tissaia rolled her eyes at the younger teacher’s antics.

“True.” He admitted. “But humour me.”

Triss unashamedly put her hand up. Istredd was next. Chireadan was next and a handful of the other staff. Overall, just over half the staff in the room had their hands up.

Jaskier was not one of them.

“Not your type, Jask? I thought everyone was your type?” Triss teased.

Jaskier gasped and put his hand on his heart. “Triss! Just because I’m bisexual does not mean everyone is my type! She’s hot. I can admit that, but she fucking terrifies me.”

“And Geralt doesn’t?” Triss asked with a roll of her eyes, deciding not to point out that she was pansexual and already knew the myths of their sexualities were not true. “He could probably snap you like a twig.”

Jaskier beamed. “Oh I know!”

“Do we need to chaperone parents’ evening, Jaskier?” Tissaia asked cooly but her eyes were twinkling with amusement.

“I’ll have you know I am a professional!” He gasped in mock outrage. “But yes absolutely. I have no idea how I managed to talk to him on the first day. Gods, he looked at me and I wanted to melt. I could write ballads about those eyes.”

“Please don’t” Istredd sighed. “Geralt’s not that great.”

“Oh come on, Is, you just don’t like the fact he used to date Yennefer.”

“Yenna is better than him.” Istredd scowled.

“Oh ho ho!” Jaskier laughed. “Are you going to finally ask her out then?”

“Shut up, Julian.” Istredd hissed.

“Jaskier’s got a point, Is.” Triss gave Istredd a pointed look as Jaskier visibly bristled at the name. “But what about you and Geralt?”

Jaskier grumbled as he moved to retrieve his notebook. “Nothing. There’s nothing about me and Geralt. He’s a parent and I am a professional.”

Istredd sighed loudly and gathered up his belongings and left the room. Tissaia chuckled as she sipped her tea and continued to read her book, but seemed to be content with the gossip that was rife in the staffroom. Other teachers were beginning to file out as the lunch break was ending.

“But you fancy him.” Triss persisted as she checked the time on her phone. She didn’t need to be back at the front desk for another ten minutes and she didn’t have to worry about lesson planning like the other teachers. Her job did have some perks.

“So do you.” Jaskier shot back. “I am simply appreciating that Mr Rivia is a good-looking man but his daughter’s in my class and you know me, I fall in love with everyone I meet.”

“Except Yennefer.” Triss pointed out.

Jaskier paled at the memory. “I have met Yennefer once and I genuinely thought I was going to die a terrible and painful death.”

“Oh it wasn’t that bad.” Triss giggled.

_________

Yennefer didn’t come back to school very often when she was in town but occasionally she would pick Triss up if they were going to the pub after school finished. Sometimes Yennefer would glide through the halls of her old haunt to reminisce over her days as a teacher, popping in to say hello to her old colleagues. The first time she’d visited after Jaskier had started teaching she’d visited her old classroom, the classroom that Jaskier now occupied.

“What the fuck has happened to my door?” Yennefer glared at the bright yellow monstrosity that stood at the entrance to her old classroom. During Yennefer’s time at school the door had been painted lilac with elegant black silhouettes of flowers.

Jaskier had rather a different approach. His door was so bright you almost needed sunglasses to look at it and his class had drawn their own buttercups to cover the door. Their teaching style was completely different too.

Yennefer luckily had been in charge of an older class and mostly taught English Literature and Language to the Secondary school children. Yennefer was firm, and at times strict, she demanded respect from her students and many of them ended up in detention for missing out on homework or mucking about in class. Yennefer’s theory was that by messing about it was both a waste of her time and theirs. Yennefer was not a lover of wasted time. Every action she took was planned down to the letter. She knew what she wanted and how to get there. Her writing was very much the same.

The scripts she wrote for the school plays were intricate and beautiful. Every line, every stage direction, every detail in the costumes had some hidden meaning that would be revealed later on in the play. As a director she was fierce and many of the older students were scared shitless after their time in the theatre but many also went on to attend drama schools. Yennefer could have become an award winning author, actor or director but that wasn’t where her passion lay.

Yennefer Vengerberg loved art.

She always had ever since she’d studied at the school under Ms de Vries. She was a remarkably talented painter but her real skill was in her reviews and critiques of others art. Her analysis was unparalleled and her wit and sarcasm had drawn in a wide audience from all across the Art world.

As soon as she’d been able to earn enough money from her work at a critic she’d flown from the school, much to the delight of her poor students.

Jaskier on the other hand was a ray of sunshine. He was the sun to Yennefer’s moon. The kids adored him and almost everyone on the staff fancied him, not to mention the parents. His charm could have melted the heart of the ice queen herself and had to got him out of many a bad situation in the past, of course it had gotten him into just as many tight spots as well. Where Yennefer was unwaveringly focussed and unrelenting in her teaching, Jaskier was easily distracted and flitted from one topic to another like a whirlwind. He was kindhearted and nurturing to the children, playing his guitar almost every day and encouraging the kids to be the best they could be. He was entertaining and fun, and every child wanted to be in Buttercups.

The layout of the building had changed a lot since Yennefer’s time and this section of the school now housed the primary school classes which was why Jaskier’s class was now in the old English room.

Yennefer burst through the door, Triss trailing behind her. “Seriously! What the fuck?”

Jaskier jumped up from behind his desk, knocking his paper work all over the floor. “Bollocks! Shit! I mean… oh cock!” His travel mug tipped over as he scrambled after the the sheets of maths homework. Coffee poured everywhere, including down his teal floral shirt.

“Triss!” Yennefer snapped. “Why is there a child teaching in my classroom?”

Triss sighed and walked over to help Jaskier save his marking from the coffee that was now leaking onto the floor. “Yen, this is Jaskier Pankratz. Our new year two teacher.”

“What are you, twelve?” Yen asked raising her eyebrow at the young brunet.

“I’m twenty-six!” Jaskier pouted. “I just have good genes and quite frankly a fabulous skincare routine. Did you want a copy?”

“Are you saying I look old?” Yennefer smirked at Jaskier who visibly started to panic.

“Oh no. No no no. You look very radiant, ethereal! Eternally youthful. Please don’t kill me?” He fell backwards in a fluffy of maths homework.

“Oh dear god.” Yennefer covered her face with her hand. “I thought this place couldn’t get any worse. Come on Triss, there’s a couple of bottles of wine with our names on it. See you around, Buttercup.”

“See you on Monday, Jaskier!” Triss passed him a handful of sheets she had managed to salvage from the coffee.

“Holy mother of…” Jaskier breathed as he stared after the hurricane that was Yennefer Vengerberg.

_______________

Triss giggled at the memory. It had been just under three years ago, back when Yennefer and Geralt were still going through their off and on again stage. Jaskier had looked like a deer stuck in headlights in the fierce presence of Yennefer. Triss knew her friend could be quite intimidating but underneath it all was a loyal friend. A lot of her scary demeanour was just a mask to hide her insecurities. Yennefer wanted everything in life, a family, a career, fame, money, power. She wanted it all.

But she was so terrified that she would never be enough, never deserve the things that she desired. Her relationship with Geralt hadn’t help. They burned brighter than the sun on their good days but their fights could have risen the Gods from their slumber. They pulled and pushed at each others souls, tearing each other apart. Triss had never met Geralt before Ciri had started at the school but she’d been there for Yennefer every time he broke her heart.

“It absolutely was that bad.” Jaskier pouted. “I ruined my favourite shirt and made a complete fool of myself. She was looking at me with murder eyes!”

Triss patted his arm sympathetically. “If Yennefer wanted you dead, Jaskier, you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”

Jaskier staggered back and stomped over to pick up his guitar case and satchel. “Wow. Thanks Triss. That is… so comforting.”

The bell chimed in the corridors, signalling the end of lunch.

“Bollocks!” Jaskier cursed and scampered out of the room. “This is all your fault Triss Merigold.”

Triss smirked after him. “You love it, Buttercup!”

_____________

Triss pulled her thick wooden green coat around her. It was surprisingly cold for the end of September and she’d forgotten to bring gloves. She was on home time duty this week which mostly involved waiting in the playground with the kids for the parents who had yet to learn how to read a damn clock. She stuffed her hands in her pockets in a poor attempt to keep them warm. At least her hair was long and thick enough to keep her ears warm. She daydreamed happily about a warm bath and a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and whipped cream.

“Ms Merigold?” A small voice broke through her daydream and she felt hands tugging at her coat. She looked down at Ciri who was staring back at her with tears in her eyes. “Where’s Coën?”

Triss glanced down at her watch and bite her tongue to stop herself from swearing. Ciri’s babysitter was over thirty minutes late. It was unheard of. He was normally waiting at the gates as soon as the bells rang to signify the end of the day, but today Ciri was the last kid left.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. Come on, let’s go inside and I’ll give Geralt a call.” Triss took the young girl’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. Ciri clung on to her tightly and sniffed, wiping her eyes with her free hand.

“What if he’s hurt?” Ciri asked quietly.

“I’m sure he’ll be alright.” Triss reassured her, wishing that she could believe her own words.

The pair of them hurried back inside and out of the cold. Triss let go of Ciri’s hand so she could search her desk for the file where she kept the emergency contact details.

“Mr Jaskier!!” Ciri cried and flew off down the corridor.

Triss looked up to see a very confused primary school teacher, guitar case slung haphazardly over his shoulder, struggling with an armful of small child. His leather satchel had dropped to the floor, books spilling out with a clatter.

“Ciri?” He stammered before he regained his composure and met Triss’s gaze with a worried look.

“Coën’s in trouble!” Ciri cried. “He’s going to leave me! Everyone always leaves me!”

“Oh Ciri.” Jaskier returned the girl’s clinging hug as she sobbed against his chest. “Ms Merigold is going to call your dad. We’ll figure this out together.”

Ciri sniffed loudly but nodded. “‘Kay.”

Triss found Geralt Rivia’s number with ease and dialled, praying that he would answer. She made a mental note to get Coën’s number too, he picked up Ciri most evenings during the week, depending on Geralt’s shift pattern, it was foolish that the young man hadn’t provided his contact details.

The phone rang three times before Geralt’s gruff voice answered.

“Geralt.” He grunted.

“Geralt, Hi. This is Ms Merigold, from Ciri’s school.” Triss started.

“Fuck. What’s happened?”

“Coën didn’t show at pick up today. Mr Pankratz is here with Ciri but she’s not taking it well.” Triss explained in a rush. She glanced over at Ciri and Jaskier. He’d sat down on the floor with her and seemed to be distracting her with a story. She still looked shaken but had calmed down and appeared to be completely captivated by the stories he was weaving.

“I’m on my way.”

Triss didn’t get a chance to reply as Geralt hung up the phone and the line went dead. She strolled over to Jaskier and Ciri, sitting down beside them. Jaskier glanced up at her without pausing his tale of knights and bards and princesses, and she nodded.

Ciri wasn’t an idiot though. She cut Jaskier off mid-sentence. “Is my dad coming to pick me up?”

“Yeah. We’ll wait here until he arrives yeah?” Triss suggested. “No point staying in the cold.”

“Is Mr Jaskier staying?” Ciri asked with wide eyes.

“As if I would leave you here!” Jaskier gasped and placed a hand over his heart, dramatic as always. “You are one of my Buttercups and we stick together!”

Jaskier pulled out his guitar whilst they waited for Geralt Rivia to arrive. Triss always enjoyed watching Jaskier play. She didn’t often get the chance. She knew he played for his class but her job kept her at her desk for the majority of the school day and they didn’t socialise that much outside of work. Occasionally, a handful of the teachers would head to the pub on a Friday evening but it wasn’t exactly the place to start playing acoustic guitar. Usually she’d only get to see him play quietly in the corner of the staffroom if he was working on a new song, or occasionally at a school event.

This was different though, it was intimate like a lullaby being sang in the dead of night. Triss was completely enchanted by her friend and was really starting to wonder how he wasn’t a famous musician. She’d expected him to play something uplifting to distract the young girl but Jaskier seemed to have other ideas. He played a song about heartbreak that was so full of yearning that even Triss could feel the telltale prick of tears in her eyes, and it seemed to do the trick. Ciri cried too but it wasn’t the chaotic full-bodied sobs from before. Tears rolled down her freckled cheeks quietly and Triss suddenly understood.

Jaskier was allowing the young girl to grieve.

He was telling her, through his music, that it was ok to be scared. It was ok to have these feelings and to cry. The teachers had all been concerned that Ciri didn’t seem to have processed the trauma of her young life very well and here was Jaskier, drawing out those emotions that the young girl had kept tucked away. Coën not turning up had triggered something in Ciri, some fear of abandonment that no one had realised had developed.

Triss smiled as she wiped a tear from her eyes. The young teacher had more depth than she’d realised. She’d underestimated him, perhaps they all had.

“Ciri!” Geralt came rushing through the doors, shattering the moment into a thousand shards of shimmering glass.

The girl in question squealed and flung her tiny body towards Geralt. Jaskier almost dropped his guitar in surprise and even Triss jumped a little at the sudden rush of movement.

“Dad!” Ciri cried as she wrapped her arms around her father.

“I’m here, Princess. I’m here.” Geralt reassured her in a low voice.

“Where’s Coën?” Ciri asked wide-eyed.

“Flu. He text me but it didn’t come through until I left work. I’m sorry.” Geralt explained as he kissed her hair. The silver-haired man then looked up to face Triss and Jaskier. “I am so sorry. What do I owe you?”

“Owe us?” Jaskier spluttered. “Geralt.”

Jaskier said the other man’s name like a prayer, fervently and full of adoration.

“You would have been home over an hour ago if it weren’t for me.” Geralt insisted.

Triss noticed with barely hidden glee that Geralt was focussed almost completely on Jaskier. Triss was certain that she could have slipped away and back to her car, and Geralt wouldn’t have noticed. So it seemed that Jaskier’s little crush wasn’t quite an unrequited as he thought.

“Geralt, it’s our job to ensure the children are safe. It was simply an unfortunate and completely unforeseen event. This is not your fault, nor is it Ciri’s or Coën’s. You owe us nothing.” Jaskier insisted.

“Hmm.” Geralt hummed but continued to watch Jaskier intently as the younger man packed up his guitar. “Thank you.”

“That’s quite alright, Geralt. We’re happy to help, right Triss?” Jaskier blushed and looked towards her.

Triss smirked. “Delighted, Mr Rivia, but try not to let it happen again, or I’ll have to inform Yennefer.” Triss teased.

Geralt scowled but Ciri perked up at the name. “Auntie Yennefer?!” She squealed in delight.

“An old dear friend of mine, Ciri.” Triss nodded, throwing a smile at the young girl.

“Please don’t tell Yen.” Geralt groaned.

“Yeah, Ms Merigold. No need to get Yennefer involved.” Jaskier mumbled, glancing down at his feet and then back up at Geralt.

Geralt peered at the brunet. “I thought you only met her once.”

“A story for another time I think.” Jaskier blushed and sent her a warning glare.

Triss rolled her eyes. “Ask Yen next time you call her.”

“Dad.” Ciri tugged Geralt’s arm. “I’m hungry.”

Geralt growled. “Right. Time to go. Thank you for keeping her safe, Ms Merigold. Jaskier.”

“Anytime!” Jaskier replied brightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Ciri! See you, Geralt.”

“Have a good evening you two.” Triss waved them off.

Once they’d left the building, Jaskier sank to his knees and groaned.

“Alright there, Jaskier?” Triss teased with a laugh.

“Fuck me, he’s gorgeous.” Jaskier buried his face in his hands. “This year is going to destroy me.”

“Wouldn’t you rather Geralt destroy you?” Triss giggled as she pulled him to his feet and linked their arms.

“Triss Merigold!” Jaskier gasped. “No, no. You’re right. Oh good lord!”

“Ask him out.” Triss suggested.

Jaskier laughed weakly. “Not gonna happen. Stregobor would have me quartered.”

“Coward.”

“Absolutely! Come on, I think we deserve a drink! To the pub!” Jaskier announced loudly and together they finally left building for the evening.

______

Next

[purplebunny0517]

I see. I'm interested to know what you like about the sorceresses in The Witcher, and their relationships with each other (pick your favs cuz there's a lot :P) xD Also, do you ever see yourself in these characters?

Are you sure you want to give me this chance anon? ARE YOU?

Let me think...

They are cool (duh)

They give zero fucks about people who think they aren’t

They are beautiful. I mean all girls are but let’s be fair they are like super doper beautiful

They are ambitious and methodical, stubborn little shits, headstrong, powerful, but also tender souls with compassion and care

(that last part probably exlcudes Sabrina

They are in charge of their body and sex life

(so much so that sometimes they are the ones men should fear and yes again I’m talking about you Sabrina

(but pls do it safely and on top of a hedgehog is NOT safe

Magical powerful ladies and possibly lesbians! WHAT ELSE TO LOVE

As for my favorite sorceresses relationship the first one is actually Triss/Yenna. Apart from the fact that my gf’s favorite sorceress is Yenna and mine is Triss and we both like them together, their relationship with each other, in my opinion, is way more interesting than either of them with a certain witcher.

Did I mention I don’t like and even extremely dislike Geralt/Yenna? So much so that I even refuse to call Yennefer Yen because that’s what Geralt does? Well now I do. I don’t have anything personal against the famous white wolf, not really. I’m just really allergic to men and heterosexuality in general oops. And the most thing I hate about him is how a man can easily turn two dear friends into their ugly selves we sadly witness toward the end of Lady of the Lake just before all hell broke loose in Rivia. If not for the event, they were going to fight each other like two mortal enemies and it broke my heart way more than literally any other thing happened throughout the books. They are way better than this. So yeah later I was happy again.

And a quick reminder to something I wrote about Triss and Philippa,(book spoiler warning) two canonically sapphic women who have been sharing suspectable long screen time together and nothing happened, yep, definitely

Also it may not be per question request but I still want to talk about Ciri and Triss. I don’t think many people realize the intensity of their bond as it was hardly presented anywhere but in books. Ciri would have been a real witcher through mutation or dead if Triss did not stop the witchers of Kaer Morhan from doing so. The sorceress dressed her,demanded extra attention for her periods when no witcher ever had the presense of mind because of course it’s a woman’s thing, taught her basic elder speech (before Yenna did the advanced one) and makeup and all the “girly” thing, and was her closest friend all the way until much later, apparently closer than all those witchers. Now personally I don’t like those girly things, but to a girl who had lost everything in her past life and only have harsh and servere trainings given by a group of men without emotion or the slightest clue as to how to care for a princess-to-survivor, Triss was the soft landing she did not have the presense of mind to know how much she needed. If Yennefer did not walk straight into Vilgefortz’s trap, he would have kidnapped Triss to torture for Ciri’s whereabout. Triss was her first motherly figure after Calanthe, NOT Yenna. They both parented Ciri. Please let them share custody o(╥﹏╥)o

This shit still turned out to be too long lol I can literally talk about sorceresses all day (proven by my annoyed friends)