#i mean i dont look normal anyway but i felt like i looked completely insane making it about kaisoo lol..... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

strawberrymilkgeorge · 4 years ago

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Part Ten. Faces

warnings: swearing, hate comments word count: 4.1k (not including pics)

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

A/N: sorry its late!!!! this feels rushed but i was just too excited to get to some parts!!! also i have had some parts written out for SO long that they dont even feel cute to me anymore so im literally praying to every deity rn that you guys think its cute lmao anyway enjoy!!!!

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It had been about a week since Karl's slip up but everything was already more normal than Y/n had expected it to be. Of course, George, Sapnap and Quackity were all very understanding and gave her space while simultaneously reassuring her that she was safe with them. She fully believed it too, she knew she was safe with them and they weren't going to tell anyone her name.

The one unusual thing was now she had a heavy guilt, like someone dropped another sandbag in her stomach, every time Dream texted her. If the others knew, it was only fair that she tell him her name too, right? I mean, it's Dream. Dream! The boy who had quickly slipped his way into her life and, though she wouldn't admit it to Karl or Naomi, her heart.

But how? Does she just come right out and say it or wait until it gets brought up? She hadn't practiced telling anyone her name because she wasn't planning on doing it any time soon. Though, maybe she should have been seeing as she was going to see them all in person in a little over a month.

Regardless of the guilt, Y/n had other things to worry about today; Quackity was coming to visit. Karl had picked him up from the airport and the two of them spent all day catching up and doing who knows what but Y/n still hadn't met him. She was scared. She wasn't scared of Quackity, but scared because it was the first time one of her online friends would be able to put a face to her name and voice.

Y/n shuffled across her living room rug and reached for her phone on the coffee table, looking for some sort of distraction while she waited for them to arrive.

Y/n rolled her eyes but smiled, shaking her head as she threw her phone on the couch. Okay, he's right. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be great. It's just Quackity. If he said anything rude or annoying or anything she could literally just step on him like a bug.

A sharp knock on the front door of her apartment snapped her back into reality. She shook her limbs of nervousness as she made her way to the door, two familiar voices begging to be acknowledged from the other side.

"Let us iiinnn!! Y/nnn!!!!" Karl whined.

After countless times asking the same question, she finally convinced Karl that she was okay with him using her real name in front of Quackity. He clearly still felt guilty about telling the boys her name, asking her multiple times in different ways whether he should call her Y/n or Bugsy in front of the guest. She finally got it through his head that she didn't mind either way.

"Hold on!" she yelled back. She unlocked the door and swung it open to see Karl and Quackity. "So impatient."

"Holy shit, you are tall! Goddammit, I thought that was a joke!"

Y/n laughed shyly at the greeting, looking at Quackity like he was crazy. "Hello to you too. Tried to warn you, dude."

"Yeah but, damn! You're tall and attractive, what the hell?"

"Dude," she said with a warning in her voice. She thought the flirting on Twitter was funny, but in real life she got embarrassed easier and wasn't a fan. "I'm about to kick you out of my house before I even let you in."

This was weird, meeting Quackity before meeting some of her other friends. She loved Quackity, but she had known George much longer and Sapnap even before that. There was no problem with meeting Quackity, she just had no idea how to act since she felt like she hardly knew him.

"Am I allowed to tell people that you're hot?" he asked as he fell on her couch, Karl following right after.

"Quackity!" Y/n yelled, her face heating up at a compliment. "Seriously?"

Karl cackled and shoved Quackity. "Shut up, Alex! No, you're not allowed!"

"Sorry, is that compliment reserved for Dream?" He cackled at his own joke and Y/n's face heated up even more.

"I seriously will kick you out of my house."

"You wanna be flirty on main but not in real life?" Quackity scoffed.

"I'm not flirty on main, you are!" she laughed. "Seriously, don't."

"Okay, sorry, I'll stop," Quackity promised with a laugh in his words.

The three of them fell into easy conversation, mostly because Karl and Quackity were already comfortable around each other at this point. They eventually decided to go to the mall, just to mess around and do something.

*reminder: covid doesn't exist in this fic bc we only want happy things so ignore their masks :P*

Y/n frowned as she unlocked her front door, staring at her phone. She had been so happy with all the fans freaking out about the meetup so she looked at the trending list, expecting to see a flood of keyboard smashes and happiness, but that's not all she ended up seeing. BUGKARLITY was trending, so she scrolled through the tweets and was upset to see not all of them were positive. In fact, when she typed her name in the search bar, lots of the tweets using her name were rather mean.

A few that stuck in her head called her an attention whore and said that her friends only flirted with her because she paid them too. Who on earth would even do that? Some hurt way more than others but she tried to push them aside. It wasn't like this was the first time she had seen comments like this, but they had only gotten worse since her Minecraft date with Dream. She was worried it was cause more hate for her friends and the last thing she wanted was to be the cause of their own hate.

She typed several different messages to Dream, deleting them all after she reread them. She felt like she had to request the same thing from him in a different way. Maybe because she felt like his words meant more, even if he really was just joking like the rest of them. She decided to call him instead of texting.

"Hi!" he chirped happily from the other end.

"Hi, Dream," she said as her chest filled with something warm at the sound of his voice. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he dragged out the word. "How are you?"

"Okay."

"Just okay? What's up?"

"Um," she started, immediately forgetting the words she decided she'd use. "I just... would you mind, uh, not flirting with me so much on, like, Twitter and streams and stuff like that?"

There was a silence before Dream's frantically apologetic words came through. "Yes, of course, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. If I had known I was making you uncomfortable, I wouldn't have—"

"Wait, no," she interrupted but he must not have heard.

"—said things like... oh gosh. Bug, I'm really sorry—"

"Dream!" she raised her voice, getting him to stop ranting. "You don't make me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Really?"

"Of course not. I actually think it's really..." Cute? Adorable? Endearing? "funny," she decided.

"Oh. Then why...?"

She sighed heavily and explained what she told the others. "So, yeah. I just don't want you guys getting hate because of me so I figure if you stop then... you know."

"Bug..." he said gently. "I'm really sorry. I promise you that I don't—none of us think those things about you."

"I know."

"No, seriously," he said, clearly not believing her. "You need to understand that I..." he paused. "I mean what I say. Always."

Always? she thought. There's a few things he's said that certainly he didn't really mean... like calling her cute?

"I don't joke around like that unless I want to. I wouldn't say things like I say to you unless I really, really, genuinely considered you a close friend and felt comfortable around you. And I do."

Her heart swelled. "Thanks, Dream. I just... maybe don't do it so much for right now? Online, at least," she clarified, not wanting to deprive herself completely of Dream's flirting.

"Yeah, if that's what you want, of course."

"Well, I don't want you to stop flirting with me but, yeah."

He chuckled. "Oh, you do like when I flirt with you?"

She hummed and changed the subject. "Did I interrupt you doing anything?"

"No," his teasing voice dropped and was back to his regular self. "I'm just editing the video we filmed the other day."

"Oh, the 'Minecraft, but you can't touch the floor'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, not meaning to sound disappointed. "I'll let you get back to it—"

"No. I mean, you can stay on the phone. Unless you're busy."

She smiled and put her phone on speaker and set it next to her foot on the floor. "I was just gonna paint. So I can stay."

Before she knew it, almost two hours had passed of them sitting in comfortable silence, occasionally speaking to share something with the other before going back to their tasks. It was comforting knowing she didn’t need to speak constantly and could just hang out with Dream.

Y/n's phone rested on the floor next to her, Dream on speakerphone on the other end, only the sounds of his keyboard clicking letting her know he hadn't fallen asleep or hung up. She wasn't sure when they started doing this, staying on the phone even when they had nothing to talk about, but they had done it a few times before. They had talked on the phone and Discord many times but it was usually always with purpose, not usually this silently-enjoying-each-others-presence nonsense. Who was she kidding calling it nonsense, she enjoyed it an embarrassingly insane amount.

She repositioned so she was laying on her stomach as she finished sketching an image that was in her mind.

"Hey, you still there?" Dream asked softly.

"Yeah. Sorry, am I taking away from your sitting in silence time with George?" she joked.

Dream chuckled lightly. "Nah, you're more fun. I was just seeing if you ditched me for Karl yet."

"Nah, you're more fun," she mimed truthfully. "But I'm very focused on this drawing."

"Can I see it when you're done?"

"Don't expect too much. It looks bad."

"If you don't tell me what it is, I can't know how accurate or inaccurate it is."

"Very true..." she trailed off, holding the canvas further away to examine it all at once. She wanted the sketch to be perfect before she made permanent choices with paint. She enjoyed the serenity they maintained even when talking, voices low and delicate like they were keeping secrets but not quite whispering. "Are you almost done editing your video from the other day?"

"Sorta. I'm at the part where you and Sapnap almost died laughing because a ghast knocked George into lava and then Sapnap laughed so hard he fell into lava."

She chuckled, remembering the situation vividly. "That was so funny. The way George screams is so funny."

"Let Naomi know that," he mumbled, causing Y/n to gasp.

"Dream!" she laughed loudly and he joined.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's true though."

"Disgusting!"

A distant voice sounded on the other end and she assumed it was Sapnap. "What do you want for dinner?"

Dream responded with a soft, "Nothing, I'm good."

"Are you talking to Bugsy?"

He must have responded physically because the next sound was Sapnap's very clear, much more lively voice speaking directly into the phone. "Hi, Bugsy!"

"Hi, Sapnap!"

"Can you tell Dream to eat some damn food? This man literally hasn't eaten a single thing all goddamn day."

"Dream," Y/n scolded slowly. "Please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not showing you my painting until you eat."

A door closed on the other end and she took that as a sign that Sapnap had left.

"I don't wanna see it anyway. It's probably trash."

"Take that back!" she gasped lightly. She looked at the canvas as she grabbed the first paint color and laughed. It was only a sketch and it was already trash. "Fine, then I won't go on the trip if you don't eat in the next ten minutes."

"That's punishing yourself too though."

"Who says I want to see you?" she asked.

"I never said anything about not seeing me being the punishment."

She had been caught. "It was implied."

"Sure it was."

"It's true though. Who says I wanna see your stupid face?"

He didn't say anything, but an incoming FaceTime call lit up Y/n's phone. A FaceTime call from him.

Her smile dropped. "Clay?"

"Answer it," his voice was lower and her heart started beating faster. Was he really about to show her his face to prove a point? Reveal his biggest secret that only a few close friends knew? To her of all people? She made sure she couldn't be seen in the small window and pressed accept, the voice call ending and the FaceTime call starting.

To her surprise, what came into view wasn't his face, but the logo of the hoodie he was wearing, the simple smile of his merch taunting her. She laughed, the anxiety slowly fading away as it was replaced with a heavy feeling in her stomach. Was she disappointed? Maybe a little, but he teased her into believing she would see him.

"Oh, wow! Dream face reveal! He looks just like his icon, no way!!!"

His chest moved up and down as he laughed, not moving the camera away. "You heard it here first, guys! You've known my face all along, the logo is actually my face!"

She laughed and returned to painting, not paying any more attention to her phone since he was now also showing his ceiling, a small corner of his monitor in frame but nothing else. "I mean it though, if you don't eat, I'm going to be so mad I won't even want to be friends anymore. Or you'll die from malnourishment before we get the chance to meet."

"I doubt it. I'm just not hungry."

"Whatever."

"Oh, hey, so you met Quackity today. How was it?"

"Very scary."

"Yeah?" he asked sympathetically, urging her to explain if she wanted.

"Yeah. But it turned out okay! He didn't act any different so it was fine. It was mostly just awkward. He's also so freaking loud. You would not believe how much louder he and Karl get when they're together."

"I can imagine. Aren't they doing a stream right now or something?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't wanna watch though, I've had enough of them for the month."

Dream laughed. "How will you deal with them together for New Years'? It'll be for like two weeks."

"Who knows if I'll actually go?"

"Wait, what?" he asked abruptly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice. His keyboard stopped clicking and she could picture him staring at his phone as if looking at her. "Of course you're going."

"Not if you don't eat food! You have, like, 3 minutes to eat something until I officially am busy doing other things whenever the trip is."

Dream groaned and clicked a few things on his computer before the image on the screen became blurry as he walked through the house, still pointing it at the ceiling. She looked away again and kept painting.

"Quackity's really funny though," she continued. "It was super awkward at first but it was fun to have someone else to help me make fun of Karl."

"Wait, Bug," Dream called out over the sound of wrappers crinkling.

"Hm?" She hummed, continuing to paint.

"Bug," his voice was much softer and he sounded nervous.

She looked at her screen and dropped the paintbrush as she focused on what she saw, grabbing her phone and holding it closer to her face so she could see, still making sure she wasn't in view. All the anxiety from the beginning of the FaceTime suddenly came back and hit her like a truck. Sitting on her screen, waiting to be seen, was Dream. His hood was up, tufts of blonde hair sticking out, and he was standing with his back towards a dark room, the dim light from his pantry making his face just visible.

He held up a cookie in front of his actual, real face. "Are you watching?"

"Y-yea... I... Yeah. I'm watching. Is that really you?"

He nodded once before shoving the cookie in his mouth. "There, I consumed food," he announced, his voice muffled by the cookie. "Now you're legally obligated to come."

"I—What? CLAY! WHAT?"

"What?" he asked innocently as he chewed, walking back to his room and still holding the phone up to show his face. His room light was on, making his face much more visible. If Y/n thought he was attractive in the harsh pantry light, he must have looked like a god in his room lighting, even as pixelated as he was due to the quality of FaceTime. He fell on his bed and Y/n could only gape at his features. He slumped against his headboard, surrounded by roughly a thousand pillows, sporting a small, shy smile as he stared at the screen. "Bug, what?"

She opened her mouth but no words came out. Needless to say, he was unbelievably handsome. Part of the speechlessness was from the shock that he showed his face out of the blue, but obviously, the majority of it was that he was pretty much the most attractive person she'd ever seen. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in a hoodie, especially when pixelated.

"Hmm," he hummed thoughtfully. "Wanna take back what you said earlier?" He bit into another cookie.

"W-what did I say earlier?" Why was she stuttering???

"You said you don't wanna see me and that I'm ugly," he teased.

She paused for too many seconds too long before finally muttering, "you arrogant son of a bitch." He laughed loudly at that.

His eyes crinkled and he threw his head back. So that's what he looks like when he wheezes, she thought to herself, pretty.

Dream shuffled his position on his bed and rested his head on one of his hands. He looked so comfy. "Why are you so quiet, weirdo?" he mumbled.

She set her phone back down and touched her cheeks with her hands and looked away for a moment, grounding herself to the real world for a second. She couldn't process her thoughts when she was staring at a man as gorgeous as Clay. "I don't know, maybe because you gave me no warning before showing me your face? Or because you failed to mention that you're incredibly hot?"

She was so glad she had looked back at her phone or else she would have missed the glorious sight of his cheeks turning bright red before he turned the camera back to his ceiling. "Oh my gosh."

"Aw cute, I made you blush."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "You threatened to not come if I didn't eat something!"

"You didn't have to—you showed me your freaking face just to prove you ate a cookie!! DREAM! I would have believed you if you just said you ate something!" she laughed breathlessly, staring at the phone now for a chance to see him again. "I was joking anyway!"

"Sure you were."

"I was."

"Well, oh well. You deserved to see me anyway."

"Oh, I deserve to see you?" She laughed. "How big is your ego?"

"You know what I meant," he groaned. "You got doxxed by Karl and you met Quackity in person. And you've clearly had a bad day because of all the hate and stuff. You've done a lot of stressful things recently and you deserved to be let in on a secret too."

He was so sweet. Like, tooth-rotting, Halloween candy stash hidden under a kid's bed, upset tummy sweet. She also couldn't get over the fact that he was a million times cuter when he was shy like he was being now, his voice soft and unsure. It contrasted vastly with the confident, loud-mouthed Dream everyone usually saw, though she liked that Dream too. She wished he could show his face for just one more second to see what he looked like shy. Probably sickeningly adorable.

This was it, wasn't it? The chance she had been waiting for to tell him her name? He just let her in on his biggest secret, now he was the one deserving to be let in.

"Y/n," she said with a confident, but soft voice.

There was a long pause. "W-what?"

"Y/n."

He understood the second time immediately. "Y/n..." he tested, the smile in his voice clear as day. "I like it."

"Yeah, well, I guess you deserved to know the secret too."

"I would have been content never knowing."

"Really?" She didn't believe him. He seemed like the type to never be satisfied, always looking for something better. Not in a greedy way, but in a motivational, goal-oriented big achiever way.

"Really," he hummed. "I already feel like you're too good to be true so I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't a real person."

It was silent as she tried to collect her thoughts.

"Bug? You okay?"

"Yeah, I... it's just a lot."

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. Well... I don't know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when you say things like that," she admitted.

He paused. "I think you always have the perfect responses when I say things like that."

"What do I usually say?" She smiled shyly, pulling her hoodie up to her lips.

"You usually call me a nerd or say you can't stand me. 'Oh my gosh I cannot stand you'," he mimicked before laughing.

"What? How is that the perfect response to you saying you can't believe I'm real?"

He hummed and she could practically hear him shrugging. "Because it's a classic Bug response. It's a hundred perfect you. So yeah, it's perfect."

She was silent, trying to compose herself before she exploded.

"By the way, check Twitter."

"Why, are you bragging about me calling you hot?" she teased, hoping to make him blush like she had earlier. It worked.

"Oh my gosh, no. Just look."

She clicked her home button and navigated to the app, her feed instantly flooding with the same similar messages.

"Oh, my gosh," she muttered, her fingers flying away as she typed out her own tweet in response to the love.

Dream chuckled from the other end and when she asked him why, he vaguely said that George texted him but didn't explain further.

"Um, I have to go," she said mournfully. "Karl and Quackity are coming over again."

"Booooo," he pouted.

"Sorry, you aren't the only man in my life," she teased before instantly regretting her choice of words. Too flirty, Y/n, she thought to herself.

"Hm, shame. Am I at least at the top of the list?"

She bit her lips, wanting desperately to repeat what she had told him on their Minecraft date. In the end, she gave in. "I always mean what I say too," she started. "You're my main bitch, baby."

Dream made some sort of sound, a mix of a scoff and a whine but Y/n didn't comment on it, just glowing with heat in her cheeks.

"Leave before I don't let you," he said softly and the heat only grew.

"Goodnight, Dream," she pressed, the tone in her voice letting him know he was being a tease. "Thanks for... thanks for your tweet. And for everything you said earlier."

"Of course. Sorry that you have to see those kinds of things a lot."

"It's okay when I have people like you."

"People like me? What does that mean?"

"Just.... people like you." Cute, sweet, kind, genuine people who make her heart flutter.

She could hear his smile in his words and she figured he knew the unspoken words in her thoughts, the ones she was saying without saying. "Okay. Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight."

**********

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cosmicgoddesswrites · 4 years ago

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The Nanny - Chapter 2

Single Dad!Kuroo x Nanny!Reader

Summary: Kuroo Tetsuro is about at his wits end; there's only so much a man can take with work piling up, his divorce getting messier by the minute, and his 6-year-old daughter raising hell at home. Hiring a nanny sounds like a band-aid solution, but who knows, maybe this will work out?

Word Count: 1738

Warnings: Female!Reader, Some cursing, mentions of v!olence, implied panic attack

Prev. Masterlist. Next.

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Pulling up to the house the next morning was just as nerve-racking, if not more so, than it was the day before. (Y/n) was excited to meet Emiko, but couldn’t help the anxiety bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

What if Emiko didn’t like her? Kuroo said if she did well then she would get to stay on as her nanny. Did that mean if she did a shit job that he would fire her?

(Y/n) pushed her worries to the back of her mind as she approached the front door, gripping the spare key Kuroo had given her so hard she thought it might bend. With a deep breath she unlocked the front door and made her way inside.

Her footsteps practically echoed in the spacious house. One would think she was there completely alone.

Making her way to the kitchen, (Y/n) set down her messenger bag in one of the island chairs. Should she start cooking? Should she wait for Kuroo to greet her? Would he even greet her? Did she have to wait until she knew Emiko was up?

Her inner monologue was interrupted by a loud crash followed by a shrill scream that could have easily been mistaken for an emergency siren.

Instinct had (Y/n) rushing to the source of the noise and almost bumping into a frantic and half naked, very wet Kuroo.

“O-oh my god-”

“Oh, hi. Uh, I was showering, should we-?” Kuroo interrupted (Y/n), pointing to the door they were both standing in front of. (Y/n) prayed he didn’t notice her staring.

“Yes, yes we should-” she mumbled, moving to let him open the door.

Kuroo swung open the door, rushing to his daughter’s bedside and checking her for injuries. The father sighed in relief when he found none, only for his smile of relief to drop when he saw a very expensive looking night-light had been thrown on the floor.

“You scared me half to death,” he huffed, picking up the night-light, “did you throw this? You know daddy paid a lot for that.”

The little girl’s attention had shifted from her dad to the stranger in the room, her intense, amber eyes almost sizing the woman up. “Who’s that?”

Kuroo frowned at the lack of response from his daughter. “That’s (Y/n), she’s going to be your nanny, okay?” he explained, inspecting the light for any damage.

(Y/n) smiled and opened her mouth to speak only for the 6-year-old to cut her off.

“I don’t like her.”

Ouch.

Kuroo choked on his saliva and quickly turned to face his daughter, “Emiko that isn’t nice, you just met her. Can you give her a chance?”

Emiko stayed dead silent, continuing to stare (Y/n) down.

(Y/n) tried her best to play off the insanely awkward encounter, kneeling down to meet Emiko’s eye-line. “That’s okay, buuut do you like pancakes?”

The girl’s eyes lit up for a moment, she was obviously trying to mask any reaction to the mention of food, but her stomach betrayed her as it rumbled loudly.

“Well I like pancakes too, I make them nice and thick and fluffy with lots of syrup. How about I go make you and your dad some right now?” (Y/n) offered Emiko a bright smile as the little girl glanced over at her father.

“I know that sounds good to me!” Kuroo said, “How about we get dressed for the day while (Y/n) starts cooking?”

Kuroo didn’t even wait for a reply, he just stood straight and began getting Emiko’s clothes ready for the day. (Y/n) gave Emiko one last smile before heading for the kitchen.

(Y/n) could hear arguing coming from Emiko’s room as she cooked breakfast. It was clear the little girl would pull no punches on (Y/n)’s first day, making this a difficult start to what would hopefully be her new, permanent job.

Kuroo eventually entered the kitchen, frustration evident in his features as he carried Emiko to the small dining table. The little girl kicked and struggled in his hold, whining and grunting as she tried getting away. Her school uniform and hair was a mess, it couldn’t have been genes making her jet-black hair stick up like that.

(Y/n) served Emiko her breakfast as soon as the young girl was in her chair, ensuring she wouldn’t try running off to get her father to chase her. Those adorable amber eyes identical to Kuroo’s lit up as she began digging into her breakfast, not even bothering to wait for her dad to sit beside her.

The older man adjusted his tie before sitting at the table and beginning to eat breakfast as well; he seemed very pleased with the comfortable silence that enveloped the three of them.

(Y/n) turned her back to them to start washing dishes. And that’s when things took a turn.

“Can we stop at McDonald’s on the way home from school, daddy?” Emiko asked, her mind already on her next meal despite the near-empty plate of pancakes in front of her.

“You’ll have to ask (Y/n), sweetheart. From now on she’s going to be the one taking you to school and bringing you home.”

Emiko didn’t like her father’s reply. Not one bit.

She practically threw her fork down on the table, a fire in her eyes (Y/n) was all too familiar with. “I don’t want her to take me! I want you to take me!” she shouted, mouth still full of half-chewed pancakes.

“Emiko, the earlier daddy gets to work the earlier he can come home to you.” Kuroo reasoned, only to be met with a glare from his daughter.

“You always say that then pick me up late from school anyway!” she snapped, “I don’t want her!”

Kuroo gave Emiko a stern look. “Emiko. I’m the parent and you’re the child. I’m saying (y/n) is taking you to school. She’s taking you to school.”

(Y/n) internally cringed at that. Maybe she externally cringed too. She could have a talk with him about that communication later.

Emiko kicked her legs under the table, causing it to thump as Kuroo hardened his gaze. “Well if you’re done eating you can go ahead and get to school.” Kuroo stood up and scooped Emiko out of her chair despite her protests, ignoring her as she screamed her head off and thrashed in his arms.

In the midst of her thrashing, her closed fist collided roughly with Kuroo’s nose. In shock, he set Emiko down and cupped his nose in pain, the pain causing his eyes to water. Emiko looked shocked for a moment before continuing her tantrum.

Kuroo wordlessly picked Emiko back up, grabbed her schoolbag, and carried her to (Y/n)’s car. (Y/n) followed behind silently, unlocking the car so he could get Emiko in the back seat. Once she was strapped in, (Y/n) turned Kuroo to face her and cupped his cheek.

“Let me see that, do you need ice?” She asked before he quickly pulled away.

“I’ll be okay… Drive carefully.”

(Y/n) bit her lip before getting into the driver’s seat, wincing at the volume of Emiko’s screams. Despite how upset he was, Kuroo blew a kiss to the crying child in the car before turning to go back in the house.

Emiko sobbed and screeched and wailed the whole way to school, somehow not tiring herself out at all no matter how hard she thrashed in her seat. (Y/n) was almost grateful to pull up to the school parking lot and get the screaming child out of her car.

She opened the backseat of the car, noticing how Emiko flinched away as she was now practically hyperventilating through her tears.

(Y/n) immediately set beside her and cupped her cheeks so Emiko would look at her. “Hey, hey- it’s okay. Just look at me and breathe, okay, pretty girl? It’s okay, breathe.” (Y/n) cooed, gingerly wiping Emiko’s tears.

Emiko continued breathing hard, her tiny chest heaving with each breath she took. “D-Dont yell at meee!” She wailed, “Pleaaase don’t yell at me! Don’t be maaad!”

“Sweetie I’m not mad at you, I’m not going to yell at you,” (Y/n) assured her, brushing strands of messy hair off her tear-stained cheeks. “I’m never ever going to yell at you, okay? Please just be a good girl and breathe with me, okay?”

Emiko nodded quickly, staring up at (Y/n) as she mirrored her breathing. A couple moments later, Emiko was breathing normally, blinking back tears and shaking in her seat.

“Good girl,” (Y/n) gave her a gentle smile as she praised her, continuing to stroke her head. “Can you tell me why you’re upset?”

The little girl sniffled, her bottom lip quivering, “I hit my daddy…” she whimpered.

(Y/n) frowned as she began to try combing down Emiko’s messy hair with her fingers. “You didn’t like hitting your daddy, huh?”

Emiko responded only by shaking her head. “He hates me…”

“That’s not true.” (Y/n) quickly corrected her, tilting her head. “Your daddy loves you soooo much. And I bet more than anything he just wants a great big hug from you to make it okay. How about when he gets home, you apologize and kiss and hug him better?”

Emiko nodded sadly, nervously picking at her fingers.

“We have to get you into school now, okay? I want you to think about what you want for dinner and I’ll take you grocery shopping with me after I pick you up, okay?” (Y/n) smiled down at her. “Anything you want I’ll make, then you and daddy can sit down at dinner and share it.”

(Y/n) felt relief wash over her as Emiko nodded and unbuckled her own seatbelt, moving to get out of the car. “Do you know how to make spaghetti?” She asked quietly.

(Y/n) giggled and helped her out of the car, walking her to the front doors. “That’s my faaavorite thing to cook! I’ll make a list for the grocery store, sound good?”

Emiko nodded, already looking like she had perked up. The two said their goodbyes and (Y/n) left her teacher her phone number before going back to the house. Hopefully Kuroo would be gone and the two could avoid an awkward encounter.

-----------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@kellyyween @whore-for-anime @lilith412426 @yourstarvic @prinkipissa-aa @syynnaaah @boosyboo9206 @lowkey-falling-apart @chwlogy @chichibia @chirity-chu @faithfulferns @fi-chanwrites

#kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou #Kuroo Tetsurou x reader #The Nanny Series #Single Dad!Kuroo

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thisdreamplace · 3 years ago

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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honeypirate · 4 years ago

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Hi 🥺 first of all thank you for the follow and the amazing writings 😭❤️ and secondly hopefully I can request a Aone x reader where the reader is like usually very blunt and mean skater girl vibes. But with Aone they are like all bubbly and very shy with him. And everyone wonders why they are together 🥺

Hopefully you can do this request !!!! Have a amazing day my love!!!!!!!

THIS IS SO CUTE AHHHH!

thank you so much for this! i had so much fun writing it. i’m not experienced with writing skater things, this was my first try lol i hope you like it.

Aone Takanobu x Skater Girl Reader

warnings: maybe a swear or two

words: 2.5k

“God Ko did you have to take so long? We’re going to be late now. I should have just left without you!” you shouted at your best friend Koganegawa over the sound of the wind in your ears, your foot coming down to push against the concrete on the sidewalk as you both skateboard the relatively short distance to school.

He had volleyball practice and you had softball practice at the same time in the morning, and being two out of a handful of students who like to skate you guys became fast friends, when you ran into each other the first morning skating to school for practice he decided right then and there you would be best friends.

“Oh come on Y/N-chan! I know you’re glad you didnt leave me behind!” you shake your head, your hands shoved in the front pocket of your black hoodie as you coasted down the hill, “no part of me is glad!” you shout back and he sticks his tongue out at you, causing you to laugh.

Since most of the teachers and faculty weren’t at the school in the morning you usually used your skateboard in the school, which wasn’t a problem until today. Because of Koganegawa being unusually late, they were practicing with a different setter, causing the ball to be set at the wrong angle causing Aone to hit it straight out the door at the same moment you passed by and of course hitting you in the back and knocking you off your board.

“Aone you hit someone!” a voice shouted from the gym, Koganegawa who had stopped a few feet before you so he could go into gym was now on his knees with laughter, you caught your self with your hands and knees then with the momentum slipped onto your elbows, you felt your knees sting as you rolled up to a sitting position.

You could hear the team running towards the door as you inspected your knees, Koganegawa having a hard time crawling over to you since he was laughing so hard, “you should have seen that! I wish I could have gotten it on video! It was hilarious!” he’s on his back now, holding his stomach as he laughs, you shoot him a glare “shut up you ass! It really hurt!!” you rubbed your wrists, they were starting to ache from the impact.

The rest of your angry words died on your tongue as a white haired boy ran over to you, taking a knee and looking at you with furrowed brows. “Are you okay?” he says and you feel your cheeks flush from his intense gaze, he reaches out and takes your hands in his, inspecting your palms and wrists as you stared up at his handsome face, completely at a loss for words.

“I didn’t mean to hit you” he says, the rest of the team behind him watching the scene go down, most of them silent, shocked that their quiet giant was speaking so much. You can't help the quiet giggle that escaped your throat when he looked back into your eyes, “I- I’m fine! No worries! A couple scrapes is all” you manage to say, your cheeks feeling hot and your palms starting to sweat, he was so cute! you ‘ve always had a crush on him from all the games you went to, he had such a kind and good vibe it made your heart happy, and here he was! Your crush! Basically holding your hands! After he hit you with a volleyball but that was a different case.

“Yo Y/n why are you acting so weird?” Koganegawa says, now kneeling beside you both, looking between you and Aone, trying to figure out the vibe he was getting, the rest of the team had retreated back inside the gym and you heard some whispering from inside. You send a glare at him as Aone looks down at your knees now, the skin red and rubbed raw through the holes that were already in your jeans. His gentle fingers brush above the mark and you get goosebumps, when he’s satisfied that you weren’t really hurt he took your hand and helped you to your feet.

He leans down and picks up your skateboard, handing it to you as he bows deeply “I’m sorry again” he says and you take the board before awkwardly bowing back, “dude you’re still late for practice” Koganegawa says and you curse under your breath, “see you after class Ko! Thank you Aone!” you say as you throw your board down, skating off in the direction of the girls locker room at the other end of the hall.

“How are you friends with that girl?” Futakuchi was saying as they started to practice again, “she’s always angry. She's a psycho skater. You heard the rumor that she lit the principal's car on fire” Koganegawa growls “and that was just a rumor! She's a good person, sure she has mean vibes but she’s just a badass! She’s blunt and keeps me humble. She’s a good friend and you should see her play softball, she's insanely talented” he sets a ball to Aone perfectly to spike and the white haired boy hits it with so much force it slams against the gym floor. He didn’t like hearing Futakuchi bad mouth you, you were adorable and sweet, how could they not see that? “Focus guys come on” and with that their coach had silenced all talk unless it was vb related.

“Ugh! Im so awkward! I thanked him! I thanked him for hitting me with a ball! God help me!” you think as you take your board out of the locker in the locker room, practice was finished and now it was time for classes, you make your way to your normal locker and stash your board there, leaning in, you rest your head against the board and books as you sigh defeatedly.

“Whats your problem?” Ko says coming up by you to his locker that was on your left, “did you fuck up stealing third again? Or maybe you’re feeling like an idiot because of your encounter with Aone earlier? Does someone have a crush?’ you growl and lean out of your locker “at least I wasn't caught with volleyballs in my shirt like boobs” you quip back and he gasps “that was one time!” he shouts and you scowl “yeah, sure, okay” you close your locker door and turn to him “if you tell anyone about this morning I’ll print off that picture and post it around school. Don't make me do something i would really enjoy” you smile sweetly before turning and heading down to your first class.

After school you had more practice before showering and heading to the gym to wait for Ko, it was something you had done before but this time your stomach had flipped into knots thinking about Aone again. You wanted to run into him but at the same time you never wanted to see him again, you popped a cherry bubblegum lollipop into your mouth as you walked, your board under your arm.

You stuck your head into the gym to see the team just standing and chatting, practice having just ended, you make eye contact with Aone and squeak as you pull your head back, pulling the sucker from your mouth as you lean against the other door that was closed, your heart racing and your cheeks already starting to feel warm. You weren't a shy person so why did he make you feel this way? You tried to calm your racing heart but before you could your heart footsteps approaching.

Aone looked out the hallway, around the door to look down at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “Hi” you whisper before popping the sucker back into your mouth. You saw the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile as he walks out into the hallway to stand in front of you. “I- I uh” you stumble through our words, swallowing hard you took the sucker from your mouth again, your hands moving through the air as you spoke, “I’m sorry about earlier. When i was being awkward. I thanked you as I left, essentially thanking you for hitting me with a ball and that was... weird of me. Anyway I hope you dont think im weird now” you look down at your feet for a moment, your faded black and white slip on checkered vans tapping together at the toes, before looking back up into his kind eyes “do you? Uh i mean, do you think i'm weird now?” you twist the sucker stick between your thumb and forefinger as you wait for his response.

He shakes his head no and you smile, a sigh of relief passing your lips as you scratch behind your ear with your free hand “oh good!” you say “im glad” he reaches out, taking your hand gently in his hand, a look of concern as he inspects your palm which was now covered in tiny cuts. You chuckle softly and relax your hand in his “it wasn't because I fell” you realize after saying that, that it was because of a fall, just not that one, you hastily correct yourself, the awkward feeling in your body growing “I mean, it wasn't because of you making me fall, it was because of softball, I forgot my gloves today”

The rest of the team exited the gym now, stopping when they see you two, Aone doesn't let go of your hand he continues his inspection as the rest of the team just watches. “Aone” you whisper after a few moments and then he looks back up at you then over at his team, sending them a look that says if they didn't just go he’d be mad, Koganegawa in the front put a skip in his step as he ran off towards the locker rooms, pulling Futakuchi behind him so he wouldn't stay behind and be a dick, the rest of the team following suit, all of them watching you two the whole way causing your cheeks to grow as red as possible.

“Uh shouldn't you go as well?” you whisper and pop the sucker back in your mouth, he watches you actions and you smile softly “want one? I have grape, cherry, and watermelon” he nods and says “watermelon” you reach in your backpack and hand him a watermelon bubble gum lollipop and he bows a little before taking off the wrapper and putting it in his mouth, a smile forming on his lips as he enjoyed the flavor. “Thank you” he says, his voice a little whistle-y around the candy in his mouth and you nod “no problem”

After that you brought him a watermelon sucker every day, making sure to stop in after practice every evening and give it to him, he looked so happy every time it made your heart soar, after a little while he started sitting by you in the cafeteria, your other softball and skater friends looking at you funny the first few times but soon didn't mind. Your angry badass persona would be replaced by bubbly shy and cute, three things you rarely were.

“What is going on?” Futakuchi said one afternoon in the cafeteria as he looked over at you two together “I don’t get it.” another one of the team members says “She’s skater punk and will beat your ass and he's a quiet soft boy won’t hurt a fly” one of Futakuchi’s friends says through a huge bite of a sandwich. Ko just sighs “you guys should get to know her. She’d never hurt a fly either. She's actually quite afraid of confrontation as well unless she knows you or you really deserve it” after a moment Futakuchi says “i still don't see it”

Your phone beeps and you look down at it, it’s a text from Ko that just says “looking cozy ;)” you send him back a middle finger emoji.

When you leave the cafeteria you turn to say goodbye to Aone but stop with the way he was looking at you, expectantly, like he wanted to say something but was too shy. You were about to ask him to walk you to class but the words couldn’t escape your mouth, your shy tongue keeping them in your throat. Koganegawa comes over and lightly shoves your shoulder. “Hey lovebirds” he says with a mischievous grin and you glare at him “what are you doing?” you ask him through your teeth, your cheeks growing warmer and he just chuckles “our y/n here is quite something huh?” he asks Aone to which he just nods once “I know a secret about her if you want to know it” your face turns totally red as you glare at the dumbass “Ko I swear to god if you don't shut your mouth” you seethe at him and he just laughs harder, sneaking to hide behind Aone and simultaneously standing on his tiptoes to whisper “she has a cruuush” your eyes go wide as you stare in horror at your supposed best friend, your cheeks red in embarrassment as Aone just looks down at you, confusion in his expression. “KO! Shut! Up!” you say and he shakes his head “on you” he finishes his sentence before taking off, you go to run after him but Aone just grabs your hand, keeping you next to him “is it.. True?” he asks and you look down at your shoes again, debating lying but you doubt you’ll get a better chance to confess, “yes” you whisper and after a few long seconds of silence you look up at him, meeting his eyes.

His cheeks are dusted pink as well as the tips of his ears and he has a small smile on his lips “I” his voice was a little too quiet so he clears his throat to try again “I like you too” he says and you feel your smile widen, going from ear to ear as you beam up at him “really?” you ask and he nods. You can't help but throw your arms around his middle and hug him in the middle of the hallway, he hugs you back gently, his big body almost engulfing yours.

The bell rings for the first time and you pull back “will you walk me to my class?” you ask and he nods, smiling down at you with his eyes closed. You lace your fingers with his and begin walking again “to think this all started because you hit me with your volleyball and sent me flying off my skateboard” he sends you a look that says he was still sorry about that and you laugh, squeezing his hand as your cheeks turn red again “I'm not sorry about it Aone, so you shouldnt be either. I got to meet you and it was worth it.” the tips of his ears turn red as his thumb brushes yours. You get a glimpse of Ko watching you down the hall very obviously taking photos of you guys and you remember what you told him you’d do if he ever told your secret, you squeeze Aone’s hand softly again and smile mischievously up at him, a smile he would come to know all too well, and say “so I have to do something a little, delinquent-y and I was wondering if you would help me? It’s a prank on Ko for spilling my secret”

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu aone #aone takanobu x reader #aone takanobu x you #aone x you #aone x reader #aone x y/n #aone takanobu #aone fluff #aone x skater girl

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smell-like-daisiess · 3 years ago

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A Letter To You

Its been a while since we spoke. Since you found someone to fill my side of the bed. Since you found someone to say your good nights and good mornings to. Since you found someone to rant about how hard you day was. One thing im proud to say though is how proud I am of myself. Before I get into that I just want to tell you how Ive been so you dont ever feel the need to ask. There are days when I feel like im on top of the world, when i am insanely happy and take advantage of that because you just never know. Then some days i feel so sad, but dont flatter yourself... Its not about you.. Its about me. Lately Ive been feeling not fulfilled with my purpose in this world and it stresses me out. honestly. I think as each day passes though im figuring it out. Its not often I feel depressed though. I feel so indifferent with life that im just going with the flow. I talk to whoever i want, I sleep with whoever i want. I mean all that is meaningless but i dont mind that because that just means i dont need to invest emotionally into it. But as my day goes by i realize that i never needed you. I never thought id live each day without you because i always pictured life with you. How we always talked about what we would name our kids, looking at houses and fantasizing filling it with all the love we could give. But then i realized all that was unrealistic once i figured out that you never loved me, you never pictured that for us because you wouldnt have done the things that you did. i realized how much i deserved better and realized how much of a not good person you are. I hate that shit though, i hate thinking horrible about you so i always tried to thing good thoughts about you but then i cant. All that negative shit over powers all the small good things you did. Thats the thing though... you never did anything big for me, you never cared to even love me to accept me for me. Everyday i have to erase all the bad things you said about me and how much you told me that no one is going to love me as much as you did but thats the thing... i will never find someone like you and im happy i wont. you were horrible to me. Again i hate saying that but again i will never want to be with someone like you. So as time goes on i see myself getting better and enjoying life a whole lot more. After i traveled to the UK i did not think of you at all. I didnt even think “Oh itll be nice if she was here”. No thoughts like that. As my days go by youre slowly becoming something that made me once happy but unhappy and im beginning to just love me. Thank you for being in my life for several seasons because if it wasnt for you i wouldnt know exactly what i didnt want and that would be you. Someone like you only brings misery, hate, anger, triggers and lastly sadness. For 3 years i have felt nothing but all those. Although some people would consider all that as a wasted 3 years, i consider it as a life lesson to never give my heart away to a girl who still had a broken one. To a girl that only kept me around to fill in the gaps until she got bored. Meanwhile i was picking up the pieces that you kept breaking until they were completely shattered, i had to stop trying because it was nothing but glass dust. The pieces weren’t even big enough to put together and it wasnt even my fault. I thought it would be hard, i mean ill admit it was so hard but then i realized that im okay. That this is a normal thing and im going to go through this kind of thing for the rest of my life. Whether if the relationship was bad or good. Anyways... Me being proud of myself though... its pretty obvious... the things ive gone through and the strength I had to show for not only everyone but for myself just shows. No one can take that away from me and honestly i am so excited to find my person because i know im coming from a place of love.. not having someone fill voids that i can only fill. Remember Taylor... Theres a difference with being actually happy and finding things to distract yourself... You are the queen of distracting yourself and eventually having it biting you in the ass in the long run. Thats okay though because it is no longer my problem. There are people who are not like you and i am so happy that the last 3 years did not make me have my perspective change.

Until then.

#letter #relationship #toxic #toxic relationship #break up #heartbreak #heartfelt #spilled writing

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legionofpotatoes · 4 years ago

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we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

#text #another one in my bulleted review series with no rhyme or reason #sorry resident evil fans this could be a painful read pls turn away #i know almost nothing about it but i am gonna be super fake familiar and critical of this one hey ho

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yeetussfetus · 4 years ago

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run.

aight this one is kinda silly, i like it but then i dont ya know anyway the way i got this idea is really weird imma explain it at the end and uh yeah enjoy

words: 2341

warnings: cursing, alcohol, fighting (implied)

Pryce walked down the long hallways with her coffee, along with her many files about the latest rebel activity. To be honest, she was extremely proud of how it turned out. She had worked hard on this particular file the night before, also why this was her 5th cup of coffee that morning. However, she was sure that when high command read the file, it would all be worth it. Of course, considering this was the Empire, she also had low expectations, but no matter what they had to say, she was sure that this was going to be good.

But she was so in thought of her little project that she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going. And in result, she bumped into you. Fortunately she didn’t spill her coffee, but she did drop her files, which was technically a datapad. You reached down to pick it up, and seeing that it was already turned on you read a little bit of the file. Pryce did not stop you, as she wanted to see what you would say about her hard work.

You smiled politely while reading it, “Wow, Pryce, this is really good. I’m sure high command will agree.'' Pryce's pride shot through the roof, but it immediately died out when your smile dropped. “Oh, you have a typo here. It’s supposed to be ‘their’ not ‘they’re’.”

Handing it back to Pryce, you started to walk towards your destination. You turned back to give her a comforting smile. “I’m sure the high command won’t notice, though. See you around!”

Watching you walk off, she gripped the datapad with unknown force. “I fucking hate my job.”

Deciding that the high command could go fuck themselves, she headed towards the bridge where they would be waiting for her work.

--------

Eli was actually surprised with how well Pryce’s work was. Not saying that she was terrible at her job, but this was extremely well put. Besides a few typos, but if the rest of the officers wanted to bitch they could bitch.

Thrawn was certainly impressed, and even though it might’ve been hard to read it, it was obvious that he was from his almost non existent facial expressions. He turned to look towards you to see if you were the same way, but he didn’t see you at all. He looked around the bridge, only to see that you weren’t there. Were you late? No, if you were, you would’ve been here by now.

Thrawn seemed to see how confused Eli was, and leaned towards him. “If you’re wondering what they mean by the attacks on naboo, they mean the ones that happened last week.” Eli turned to him, a little offended that he thought Eli didn’t understand what they were talking about. “Yeah, I got that, I’m trying to look for _____, have you seen her?”

Thrawn straightened himself, before replying, “Last I heard, she was heading to Tarkin's fleet for a meeting. She will be back by tonight, so do not worry.” Eli felt a little hurt that you wouldn’t tell him, but then again, Tarkin liked to pull you from Thrawn's fleet for random meetings, probably just shit talking sessions, so he didn’t hold it against you.

They all turned their heads towards the intercoms when they heard the long ‘beep’ that played out when something long was about to be announced. Eli sighed and waited for a few seconds. But nothing played. Confused, he looked around the room to see if everyone else had heard it. They did, and they were all looking confused as well. Then, there was the faintest sound of audio being picked up, before it seemed to be… playing a recording.

Before anyone was able to ask what was going on, strange music started to play through the halls, and then Eli realized that the song that was playing was the “Coconut Mall” theme from Mario Kart. It got a little louder, then a little lower, before it stopped being adjusted.

Everyone in the room just stood there, listening to the theme song, wondering what the hell was happening. Finally, after almost 2 minutes, the song ended. Thrawn stared at the intercoms with a slight glare, but he turned back to the group to talk about Pryce’s excellent work but got interrupted when something else started to play. This time it was caramelldansen, out of all the songs.

Eli turned to his datapad and opened a new browser and looked at the security cameras, where he then went to the area where they would play the weekly announcements or just emergency alerts. However, the place was in shambles, with the people who were supposed to be controlling the comms were all trying to stop whoever was messing with them. Eli tapped thrawn on the shoulder and showed him the camera footage. Thrawn stared at the panicking staff, before he pulled out his own comm, which could technically be broadcasted to the entire ship and walked over to one of the control panels and inserted it into the panel.

After a bit of typing, he was pleased with what he could do, and pushed a button that would technically override the comms, but before he even spoke, the control panel beeped, before a error message played out on the screen, reading, “CANNOT OVERRIDE EMERGENCY COMM”. Thrawn seemed to be even more confused, and continued to type away at the panel, but the same error just appeared on the screen. The typing started to become louder and louder almost as if he was trying to drown out the song that was playing overhead, but it was no use.

Whoever planned this was extremely smart in making sure that they wouldn’t be able to get the comms fixed. Finally, in an act of frustration, Thrawn just raised his fist and banged it onto the screen panel. However, the spinning wheel of death came to a halt, revealing the words, “CANNOT OVERRIDE EMERGENCY COMM”. With this, thrawn took out his comm, and then tried to broadcast his own voice, but the same message played. By this point, the song was almost over, and everyone thought that this would be it. Whoever was playing this prank was sure that they were going to be caught.

But unfortunately, it didn’t.

After a few seconds, a new song played. All Star by Smash Mouth.

By this point many of the technicians were heading towards the intercom area, to see what the hell was going on. Most of the crew on the bridge were impatiently waiting for the speakers to be fixed and so that they could find whoever was playing the songs. Pryce looked like she wanted to murder someone for ruining her presentation, and Thrawn had a resting bitch face, which eli was able to tell from the way he would galre at anything and anyone.

The first time the song ended, everyone was waiting for which new weird song would play. But the same song repeated itself. Which was weird, considering the fact that they had played a different song each time. But Thrawn didn’t seem to care, simply talking over the song telling people to resume their normal duties and that the song should be down by the end of the day. How wrong he was.

The song played for a third time, and at this point Eli was starting to focus more on the song then his work. Whoever is doing this is gonna wish that they were hiding…

Then, a fourth time. Pryce came into Thrawn's office where Eli resided with Thrawn, because, well, Thrawn had his room soundproof, so that he could scream in peace when the Empire was complete bullshit. Since the speakers in his room were designed to be quieter so he could work in peace, it was a godsend for Eli, especially now.

The fifth time it played, it almost seemed as if the quiet speakers were useless. Eli was starting to get the song stuck in his head and it was bothering the hell out of him. Pryce was trying to revise her presentation in case she missed something, but everytime she went to edit it, her brain tried to write the words she was hearing. Thrawn was just about ready to reveal a flask filled with alcohol if the song didn’t stop.

The sixth time was when shit hit the fan. In the middle of the song, Eli heard running from outside the door, and he then heard, “WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS ARE DOING THIS, I’M GONNA BEAT YOU ALL TO-” and then the sound of people fighting each other. Someone probably got tackled to the ground. Eli didn’t even want to go outside to see what was happening.

The seventh time was complete insanity, Eli was able to hear the screaming and fighting outside. He had no idea how this would have happened on the ship, but it was absolute chaos. Looking at the security footage, there were at least 6 different viewpoints with multiple fights. He was just about to call a goddamn containment breach.

Then, out of nowhere, a new song started to play. It was Wii music. He was almost able to hear the cries of relief from the crew, and as it played he tried to fall asleep to drown out his problems. He listened to the calming music of the speakers that brought peace to his mind, and he was about to fall asleep, when.

“SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME,”

Screams could be heard from across the ship as the eight time, and people started up their fights again. Eli saw from the corner of his eye Thrawn pulling out a datapad and he started to type to someone. This continued for a minute before he pulled out a holopad and turned it on. He pulled out your contact and called you. When you answered you were sitting down somewhere, holding a random datapad probably from Tarkin.

“Thrawn? Are you good?” Thrawn seemed almost to cry in relief when you answered his call. “No, my dear, I am not.” He then went on to explain the situation, before he hung his head low, almost wanting to die having to explain this to you of all people. You stared at him for a moment, before reassuring him, “Don’t worry, I’ll get them to send someone with experience to help you out. They’ll be there in about half an hour.”

Well. Could be worse. Eli found two pillows and stuck them on his ears trying to drown out the song.

------

The ships came earlier than expected. Then again, the place where Tarkin usually resided wasn’t too far from their post, but he wasn’t expecting Tarkin to bring about 4 ISD to the scene.

However, it became apparent why when Tarkin stepped off the smaller ship that had been sent out. Along with you. The song had still been playing, the goddamn tone was getting to Eli so much.

Walking through the halls was a mess in itself. People were trying to restrain others, they were fighting each other, it reminded you of the time the whole Life Day incident happened. But this wasn’t the same.

When the two of you finally reached Thrawn's office, the place had been put on lockdown, still the damn song playing. You did have to admit it was starting to get annoying having to hear it on repeat. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like for an hour.

Walking into Thrawn's office, you saw Eli in the corner, on the floor, with two pillows held up against his ears, Pryce sitting on one of the chairs with her elbows on her knees, head down, and her hands covering her ears, and Thrawn had a tipped over flask on his desk. Overall? A fucking mess.

However, before anyone could explain anything, the music stopped mid play. It was a relief to everyone. Pryce lifted her head like she was seeing an angel for the first time. Thrawn looked almost the same, but his eyes held relief. Eli didn’t hear it stop because the pillows were so good as sound blockers that he didn’t have to worry.

Tarkin gave a smirk, before asking, “So, you needed help with what exactly?”

------

That same day Thrawn held a bounty to whoever could find out who did the prank. A lesser reward for whoever had any info on them, but it was all the same. The ship had to be cleaned up from the whole ordeal. Multiple cleaning crews from other ships had to be requested. Even the Emperor got attention for what happened and had a good laugh (in private).

Vader was supposed to appear for a meeting the next day, but it had to be postponed from the damage.

You, Thrawn and Eli had a secondary, more private meeting in Thrawn's office, where Eli explained what happened. You had to hide your laugh as a cough, which worked better than expected.

After the mini meeting was over, Thrawn left, but you asked Eli to stay for details on what happened that you knew Thrawn wouldn’t want to remember. Eli begrudgingly agreed and told you what happened in detail. You had a good laugh, and Eli did as well, long forgetting his anger towards the situation. After a bit of laughs, you gathered your things, telling Eli that you would be getting on with the report you had to give to Tarkin about the situation.

However, before you left, you turned back to face him. “You know, I’m surprised that those emergency comms had that much range. I was expecting it to die out, you know? But I guess they’re called emergency comms for something.”

Eli stopped, dead in his tracks, and turned back to face you. You gave an innocent smile, before saying, “Hope you didn’t mind. See you around, Eli.”

Eli was left with a feeling of betrayal from one of his closest friends, and a feeling of emptiness.

------

did it. ok so the way how i got this was that i was scrolling through someones blog and i found a funny video about john mulaney and that whats new pussycat and i was like oh hey didnt something happen to my brother and so i asked him about it and long story short in highschool someone had played pumped up kicks like 3 times i think and there was a fight somehow that ended up with someone going to the hospital so yeah. also i havent edited this much so pls tell me of any mistakes lmao anyway heres the guys who imma tag:

@theninjahobbit666 @danger-xylophones @justalittlecloud @queenie-chi-cosplay @ssevent33n @fallenrepublick

#grand admiral thrawn x reader #eliiiiiiiiii #my bb thrawn #thrawn x reader #thrawn #eli vanto

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obx-writings · 4 years ago

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That Night - Pt 1

Request: Hey can I request a jj fic where y/n doesn’t want to do sex/touching stuff with jj because of a past she has. When she gets uncomfortable around it multiple times he thinks she’s not really in love with him or that she’s cheating. At a kegger, topper comes up to y/n when she’s alone and flirts with her and touches her arm. He tries to get her to go some place else but she doesn’t want to. Jj comes in and punches topper and they fight. Topper exposes y/n and says that they already had sex before, but it wasn’t just sex it was rape. Y/n doesn’t want to talk to anyone again, but jj comforts her and says it doesn’t define her.

AN: So I decided to make this into two parts, since it was just going to be wayyy too long as one. I also understand how heavy this topic is, so I am trying to deal with it with as much care as I can. Please let me know what you all think of this one! Part 2 will either be posted tonight or tomorrow, I have a 14 page paper due today so I gotta focus on that haha!

Warnings: Sexual Assault, Anxiety, Self Doubt, Angst

WC: 1.6K

---

You were incredibly happy. You were curled into JJ’s side, head on his chest listening to his heartbeat and feeling the vibrations of his low voice when he spoke. His arm was around your back, playing with the hem of your shirt aimlessly while he talked about the future with you. Ever since you were little, you had been best friends with Sarah Cameron, and when she dumped Topper and started dating John B, you were pulled into the friend group, finally evening the boys and girls ratio. Ugh...Topper. Even the thought of his name left a bitter taste in your mouth. But none of that mattered, that is, until JJ started trailing his fingers down. Your heart started beating faster and your breathing hitched. It was like this everytime. JJ made an advance into the sexual, and you started freaking. He looked down at you, eyes dark and began placing soft kisses to your neck, oblivious to the sudden shift in the air.

“You look so beautiful, Y/N” He breathed in your ear, voice husky with desire. The mere sound of it brought you back to that night and your stomach twisted. It didn’t matter that it was JJ, it didn’t matter that he made you feel safe or loved, you couldn’t differentiate it anymore. You pushed him away and sat up, discomfort evident on your face, but you tried to play it off like you just weren’t in the mood right now.

“Sorry, J, I’m just not feeling well right now.” You ran a hand through your hair and down your face, turning your head to look back at him, his face stoic but hurt in his eyes. HIs lips formed a straight line and he gave you a curt nod of the head before moving to get up. “Where are you going?” Your voice almost broke, shocked he would just get up, but in his defense, this was the sixth time something like this happened.

“I just need to clear my head, but I’ll pick you up tonight for the kegger, kay?” His voice sounded rough, not at all like the sweet tones he was using with you earlier that day. You just nodded your head, and he slipped out of the room. Slowly, the tears began to well up in your eyes and down your cheeks. You laid back down and curled into a ball under the covers, letting the horrid memories of that night flash behind your eyes.

That’s exactly how Kie found you two hours later. She came over to start getting ready with you for the kegger, and walked into the absolute mess that was your brain. You hadn’t moved since JJ left, and your chest felt like it was collapsing.

“Y/N? Y/N, what’s wrong?” Her voice was filled with concern as she sat on the bed and began to stroke your hair.

“Just feeling a little off, JJ left a few hours ago and I don’t know, he seemed mad at me that i didn;t want to have sex with him.” You attempted to play it off as if you hadn’t been crying yourself into oblivion, but your voice broke on every other word. She gave you a look of confusion.

“That doesn;t sound like JJ at all, he adores you, Y/N! I’m sure it’s nothing.” She tried to comfort you but you knew that it was just Kie being Kie.

“It’s just…” You began, but stopped yourself, never wanting anyone to find out what Topper had done 7 months ago. “It’s just, I’ve never had sex before, I’m just nervous, I mean, he’s slept with the entire island, what if I dont live up to his insane expectations.” This was true. You actually had never willingly had sex, and these were fears of yours, which is why it was so easy to lie and say this is why you were upset.

“Y/N, he loves you. Like loves you. Like won’t share a door while freezing to death in the ocean loves you. It’ll be okay, I promise, and it’ll happen when you’re ready. Please don’t let JJ being a slut a year ago ruin how amazing you two are for each other now. He hasn;t even looked at another girl since he met you.” Kie smiled your way, and you actually felt a little better, laughing at her slut comment about your boyfriend. You nodded, and slowly sat up, wiping the tears away. Kie brushed her hand on your face to help you. “Okay, now let’s get ready, we have a party to get to!” She got up and dragged you from bed, pulling you into the bathroom so you could change.

---

“She’s fucking someone bro, I know it!” JJ screamed at John B, pulling his hair out in different directions. He had immediately gone to the beach where he knew his best friend would be setting up the keg after leaving the Chateau.

“Bro, Y/N is literally head over heels for you, there’s no way.” John B scoffed at his friend, but gave him a look of sympathy. For JJ to be saying anything like this about you, he had to have been really hurting.

“Then please explain to me the second I touch her, kiss her, try and do anything other than fucking cuddle her she get’s all squirmy and pulls away. She gets so distant dude, it’s like she can’t even look at me.” JJ’s voice broke at the end, and he collapsed in the sand, head in his hands, trying not to let the tears fall. John B walked over to him and put his hand behind his back, rubbing comfortingly.

“Maybe she’s just nervous, I mean she is still a virgin, and you have a pretty extensive list of girls you’ve...y’know?” John B laughed a little, but JJ stayed serious.

“I don’t know bro, but I have to confront her tonight about it. I’m fucking in love with this girl and if she’s with someone else...I just can’t do it dude.” JJ let a tear fall from his eye. That was the first time he’d expressed to anyone that he was in love with you, and the look on John B’s face made that evident.

“Wow...JJ, I really fucking hope you’re wrong dude.” That was all he could say.

“Me too, man...me too.” He trailed off, looking at the water and realizing that the sun was beginning to drop below the horizon. “Shit, it’s getting late, I gotta go and pick her up.” He stood up and held his hand out to John B, silently asking him for the keys to the van. John B tossed them over, and watched as his best friend walked away silently. God he really hoped he was wrong.

---

After JJ picked you and Kie up from the Chateau, everyone could instantly feel the tension on the way to the beach. JJ, usually so full of life in the car, sat silently, not even tapping his finger to the radio. Kie just sat in the back, scrolling on her phone and trying to act as normal as possible, while you sat there anxiously. You kept feeling his eyes darting over to you every now again, but you stared out the window, avoiding his gaze. When you finally parked, JJ looked at Kie, silently asking her for a minute alone. SHe looked at the both of you and held her hands up in defense.

“Wasn’t trying to be in the middle of it anyways” She mumbled as she opened the door, slamming it shut behind her as she went to find the guys.

“I’m sorry, about earlier. Really, I just needed some time to think.” JJ said after you both sat in silence for what felt like an hour, but was probably only a few minutes. “I need to ask you something, and it’s not going to be pretty, and you might hate me after even suggesting it, but I need to know, Y/N.” His voice was shaky and your heart broke. “Are you…” His face twisted and he grimaced, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. “Are you...sleeping with anyone else.” He kept his gaze straightforward, not bearing to see the hurt flash in your eyes.

“How could you even think that, J? Of course not!” You were completely taken aback, not expecting his brain to ever go to that place.

“I’m sorry, it’s just, you barely let me touch you, sometimes, I just worry that maybe someone else is doing that for me.” His voice was flat, unrecognizable. You grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“Baby, I've just...never done anything with anyone, I’m scared I wont be good enough for you. I promise that’s it.” You grabbed his face and kissed him softly. He kissed you back, and when you pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I just...my head, it just…” You shushed him, telling him it was okay.

“Let’s just go have fun.” You forced a smile, and went to open the door, but he grabbed your arm and you turned to face him.

“I’ll wait, whenever, however long it takes. I’ll wait baby. And you will be more than good enough for me, because...well it’ll be a first for me too.” You looked at him confused, his eyes were unreadable, expressing something you’ve never seen in him before. “I’ve never had sex...with someone I’m in love with before.” You had never smiled so big in your life.

“I’m in love with you too, J.” you breathed, and kissed him hard. She both stayed in the moment, sharing kisses and loving looks, before you decided it was time to make an appearance at the party.

#jj maybank #jj fanfiction #jj imagine #jj outer banks #outerbanks #obx x reader #jj obx #obx #outer banks fanfiction #angst #jj angst #john b routledge #john b #kie

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missputotyra · 3 years ago

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Monster boy Encyclopedia- MDZS- Gusu Lan 1

“Welcome to Gusu Lan I assure you there is nothing wrong , I just don’t think humans and non-monsters can handle what the Cloud Recesses has become all at one .Please take this Stone and experience our true home at your lesiure . - Lan Xichen , Current leader of Gusu Lan.

- So Gusu Lan’s main base The cloud recesses is an Eldricht Demon realm . Which is why Xichen has filter over it for someone who is a good Cultivator like him it’s pretty easy to look at Gusu Lan in its full warped Eldricht Beauty with out going insane .

- They have a lot of Harpys and Were rabbits around the

- this dose Bring Concerns about about Sizhui the only human there who sees the true Cloud Rescesses everyday and is still sane . There are. Many theories that people have which includes Him actaully having a personal Filter , him being adopted at an age were he could adapt to it and the most ridiculous being Sizhui being a higher Eldricht Being hiding using Sizhui’s body as a way To manifest itself.

- Kamen Riders , Lilim and Patron Librarian also seem to be able to by pass the Filters on Cloud Recesses and not go insane.

- the Realm is described as A visual depiction of Music the Fauna is often as Living Lyrics, notes that’s Fly ,walk like normal creatures and the Scales move like snakes across the Sky and thier are constant beautiful mesmerizing voices singing the music of Gusu Lan

- but inside there a grating dissonance takes over the Mind of those unprepare for Gusu Lans True beauty. You’ll want to stay there forever and Turn into one of them an You’ll become a Slug , a Shoggoth , An Eldricht priest Or Very rarely a Mindflayer

- Shoggoth and mindflayer seemingly lose thier natural Pigment and turn white and Blue when joining the Sect. Shoggoth also lost thier Butler like devotion for a more familial devotion

- Though many of these Shoggoth were abandoned by thier masters to dry out on the mountain and thus felt betrayed

” what about these Slugs . Well the Slugs were originally Human members of Gusu Lan.”

Xichen seemed to change hes serene Tone for a more Melancholy one looking at one spefic Slug person with two Juniors one was a Slug like Him and other completely human . The Slug Junior seemed to have done something wrong as he was being pulled the older slug .

“Who was that you asked ? Hes my Younger brother Wangji…. I mean Lan Zhan .Wangji is a courtesy name.”

- Wen wanted to Assert Dominance . Basically in an Archery match the sects have every year in Wen sect no body from Wen sect came in the top 4 Lan Wangji came in 4th despite throwing the competion halfway ,He's brother Xichen came in second ,Jin Zixaun was third and in first was JC's Adopted Brother Wei Wuxian . This made Wen worry

- The first thing that Wen did was attack the cloud recesses of Gusu Lan .However Wen didn't just stop at forcing them to burn the place down not they did something worse after they had burned the Cloud recesses they then release a Large amount of Parasitic Slugs on the poor sect and since thier Home was burned they had no where to go , since Wangji 's Leg was broken and everyone left to run Wangji was infected more severely than most of the sect .

- However Lan sect was Surprisingly resistance. to Changes these Parasitic were making to thier bodies and Lasted a long while until Xichen came back with allies .Where Qiren inform him of the state Gusu Lan was in , If the slugs weren't removed they'd all sex addicted feral frankly ugly eldritch Slug creatures known as Deformers and says some have already transformed and left the sect in search of what ever unfortunate partner they can get thier hands on.

- Luckily, the Order of the Chief god heard the Plight of the sects fighting against Wen's sect and thier healer/doctors could help them . Not really ...the order of the chief god are kinda horrible people when it comes to monsters including the Chief god himself and When Xichen asks for help removing parasitic monsterizating slugs from members of his sect most healers/ Doctors from the order turned him down saying Gusu Lan was a lost cause and Xichen couldn't get help from healer's or doctors from the area even with help of Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue asking around when they weren't fighting no one would take the Job as it would require a skilled surgeon and Gusu Lan's resitiance to the change was dwiddling .

- Xichen started to notice that his own brother would sometimes attack him in a brief feral Lust fuel rages before snapping out it as if Wangji couldn't discern Xichen as his brother .

- Xichen was getting desperate he didn't want anymore of his Sect to become these feral minded sex fuel Monsters that barely any remembered who they were. Even if they did win the Sunshot campaign , Wen would still have the last laugh .Xichen even consider infecting himself with the slugs so that he'd aleast be able suffer with his sect in thier final moments of being human and being capable of having rational thought .Even though Jin Guangyao and Mingjue protested him doing this they both knew thier was no point Xichen was going to go down with his ship . “That was until a strange man who was eating cake at the other table put down his fork he seemed to have be from Zipangu“ Xichen countined his Story ”however Mingjue got more defensive when he saw the strange belt around his waist the man was a Masked Rider one the orders many Hero's several of whom help us out in the fights against Wen. “

- However this rider stated that he meant no harm as he hand over heard Xichen's plight about the parasitic slugs and give the men the hard truth ,The order doesn't operate on people with these Parasitic slugs inside them because Removing doesn't prevent people from becoming monsters.But it dose save thier ability to think rationally though they become an entirely different monster from a deformer .

- The rider then said He'd offer to help as he's known through the order as being a Master surgeon able operate on any organ. Xichen accepted his offer with tears of joy and hope it wasn't to late to save his brother and Uncle .

The Rider called his two female assistances over and told them they were headed to Gusu lan's Section of the battle field and then to the cloud recesses itself

- The Cloud Recesses now regard this rider and his assistances as a hero who selflessly put themselves on a the order's chopping block as they resisted the order commands not to help them .

” The Rider told me to call him Brave as to not give The order any reason to attack Gusu Lan .” Xichen snapped out his Reminescening when you ask a question “ What are the Slug people called now well Beforers .”

Beforers

- Beforers and Deformer are a Type of Eldricht Slug monster That was an Idea that me and a friend came up with during her Recent Star Wars obsession . I expanded upon Cloud Recesses and Beforers After taking a look at Junji Itos Uzamaki you know the story where people turn into snails and spirals .

. - yes Gusu Lan being Eldricht beings is inspired by the Eldritch Lan Au I personally found it on@angstymdzsthoughts

- Anyways beforer just like Other Eldritch monsters are Weird . Beforers and Deformers are classified as Tritionia subspecies as they look like Sea slug though thier body structure mimic The struture of blue Dragon sea slugs( though they often are seen with legs ) they can have the Look of anything kind of sea slug.

- Deformers come from a Parasite . Deformers are basically Feral Eldritch beasts that basically Attack anyone the see as a potenial Vessels For the slug parasites and Taking them out is A basically only one way to become a Beforer as previous Said Gusu Lans Music can also cause humans to become beforer .

- So Beforer don’t manifest Genitals until they take partners. but they do Birth Asexually little slug creatures That eventually turning into Beforers basically cloning themselves

-Yes Beforers are Hermaphrodites like Normal slugs .

- They a look plumper and Gain Long tentacles like appendage that grow from their lower back that seem to have mind of its own after Taking a partner.

-yes The Tentacles are infact Their Partners dont worry they can change back at will . They do the weird Transformation thing all eldritch monster do.

—-

“ What Am I ? ” Xichen looked in confusing “ I’m A Kind of Subspecies of the Dark Priest , I guess you could say I’m an Eldritch Priest.

“ A few month Of living in this Realm I start having dreams I was in the water in the deepest Depths of the ocean and a voice saying that I should Join my people and teach them of the Great old ones. ”

Eldritch priest

- a Subspecies of the Dark Priest Who are more connected to the the Great Old one .

-They are more Cultish in behavior than the Dark priest of the Fallen god.

- usually keep doing thier Jobs of recruting people into the great church of Cthulhu even after obtain partners.

- What Eldritch priest transform thier Partner into is Entirely thier Choice Among the Eldritch Monsters .

You notice the strange almost Mint green colored cloak or was it a pale Yellow it was twice as Large as Xichen and it was really dark inside but , Did you see two scary looking yet familar Faces in that cloak . Your suspicions were confirmed by a hand Coming out and stroking Xichens Face it’s had Yellow sleeves so they had to be from Jin .

——-—

Notable individuals In Gusu Lan

Name: Lan Xichen

Species : Eldritch Priest

Notes: He’s smiles all the time and it’s kind of unsettling . Their are often Golden and/or Green Masses attached to Xichen so hes Most likely Taken .

Favorite color: …White I’ll describe it as white

Favorite Types: Caring and tender people

Status: Taken?

-———-

Name: Lan Qiren

Species : Beforer

Notes: He’s Apparently Lan Xichen and Lan Zhans Uncel

Alot people like the “Moustache”

looks more like Chromodoris willani

Favorite color: Navy Blur

Favorite Type: …he hasn’t really thought about that I guess Mature and Gentel

Status : Singel

————-—

Name: Lan Zhan

Species : Beforer

Notes:

He looks so Sad

he Hates the Leader of Yunmeng Jiang with hidden burning Passion and Lan Zhan wrote down he wished that “ The Leader of Yumeng Jiang be put to sleep like the dirty mutt he is.”

Lan Zhan also wonders why BoJian( MDZS oc) is Even friends with Yunmeng Jiang‘s Leader

Likes rabbits

looks like Glaucus Aka Blue Dragon sea slug

Favorite color: Red

Favorite Type: he Drew a picture that looked similar to current Yiling sect leader if he was human . When we mentioned this he immediately tagged along with us to Yiling .

————-—

Name: Lan Jingyi

Species : Beforer

Notes: He was Born a Beforer it’s believed he split from Lan Zhan

We thought He and Sizhui were twins but they arent

sweet kid ,Huge mouth ,forgetful

Looks like Chromodoris elisabethina

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite Type: I don’t know someone like Jin Ling !?

Stautus : I’m not ready to marry yet !! ;-;

———-—

Name:Lan Sizhui

Species : Hes Human

Notes: The only Human Gusu Lan

Lan Zhan says he came from Wen

As Said before This is Strange because He’s only a Junior and hasnt Gone insane for Gusu Lans Beauty

Favorite color: Periwinkle

Favorite Type: I have no idea I guess I follow Jingyi and Say someone like Jin Ling

status: Not ready

#eldritch #eldritch!lan #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #mo dao zhu shi #lan xichen #gusu lan #lan sizhui #lan zhan #lan wangji #kamen rider #kamen rider ex aid #monster boy #monster girl encyclopedia #alternative universe #crossover au #crossover

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aveys6 · 4 years ago

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little wip

how richie's health changes in relation to his relationship w eddie

* the dialogue is rough bc i intend on actually putting it into structured sentences in ao3, bare w me

age 13 - 1989

"sorry guys, cant hang today. i have a hot appointment scheduled with dr noelle" he lifted his eyebrows and shit to insuate prostitution

"so, what, you have a physical?" stan said unimpressed

"that's the techinical term, stanny, but we all know better. i cant wait to have her hot bod all over me on the examination table-"

a chorus of dismissal waves around him, and eddie elbows his upper arm. stan even mutters something about 'examination' being quite a big word for richie to use.

"i bet theyre gonna test you for HIV. or maybe you'll get diagnosed with lung cancer from all of those cigarettes you've been smoking. *insert fact about smoking here that was probably exaggerated*"

"oh yeah? and where'd you hear that? your mommy?" richie challenged, ignoring eddies mention of the 'queer disease'

"ill have you know, dipwad, that my mom is highly educated in the field of medicine. cigarettes are insanely addictive-"

rich cuts him off and mocks with a nasally voice

"according to my calculations, cigarettes have roughly 236 chemicals in them-"

"thats basically true!"

"you guys are infuriating, but im pretty sure eddie's right on this one"

"thank you stan!"

"my mom says its fine because im young"

"im pretty sure she said that in reference to your junk food intake which you should also cut back on-"

"anyway," rich cuts in "im 100% sure everything will go completely fine. my doctor will be swayed by my irresistible charm to which she will then add a couple inches to my heigh chart so i can officially be 5'4 and make fun of you all"

eddie was determined not to smile, his quivering lips miraculously staying straight and expressionless "thats not how it works and you know it"

"not with that attitude!" noogie on eds

"fuckin quit it!"

his heel was practically slapping the waiting room floor, eyes flittering over childish paintings of sea creatures on the walls.

eddies irrational-but-not-quite-irrational rants finally processed in his mind.

richie never liked worrying his friend. he knew the boy's mom was a nutjob and said as such often (as well as vocalized his extreme desire to 'love her up'). he knew eddie was basically brainwashed.

it was scary, having someone worry about you. it means they cared. richie never truly comprehended why they cared. why eddie specifically cared. but it also felt good to have someone worry about him, outside of his mother, who, speaking of, gently placed a hand on his knee to stop its incessant movement.

richie wasnt the prime of schoolgirl crushes. he looked a little buggish: big eyes, thin limbs- clumsy and annoying. he wondered why eddie of all people gave him the time of day, and sometimes even more than that.

"richie toe-zee-air?"

the pair stood up despite mispronunciation.

richie was more than delighted to announce that his appointment was flawlessly average. everyone knows the deal: lie about how many fruits and veggies you consume, exaggerate how early you go to bed, deflect when the doctor asks if you've experienced any romantic or sexual attraction, count the inches of a growth spurt- no biggie.

"im sorry for, like, berating you earlier. i dont like doctors."

"i would hardly call what you did berating eds. it was your normal amount of neuroticism. dont sweat it"

there was a pause

eddie breaks the silence "i just worry sometimes"

ah, so it was confirmed.

"i know you do, eds."

"how do you know the word neuroticism?"

"heard my dad say it."

--------

age 25 - 2001

richie was back to tapping his foot on the linoleum of a waiting room. this time, alone, with no one to calm his fire-y energy. its not like he wanted the tapping to stop anyway. the repetitive motion helped ease the anticipation of getting scolded for letting himself go. this time not by a boy he couldnt catch the name of, but by a licensed professional.

he reasoned that he would rather hear it from the boy. what the hell was that shit bag's name?

this was the first appointment he had attended and organized since his pediatrician refused another after his 22nd birthday. she was already stretching the age limit of which he could visit (said extension curtesy of his dad being friends with medicinal people).

he figured it was time to move on with his life once snotty kids started giving him weird looks for fidgeting with the baby toys displayed near check-in. what says being an adult more than scheduling your own health appointments? richie answers that question by saying 'having to pay for them'.

richie's silent complaints are interrupted by a soft knock. a very typical, white-haired, doctor you'd see in movie, type of dude sauntered in.

"mr tozier, im dr sigman, how're we doin'?" he said, pumping obscene amounts of hand sanitizer.

richie replied automatically, "i'm doing pretty well, doc', how are you?"

as one can tell by the excruciatingly boring small talk, richie seemed to have lost his most palatable edge: quirky socialization.

"eh, my condition is not what's important here. how about you sit up on this here table and we can listen to your heart and lungs."

richie followed the instruction, heart rate increasing accordingly. the paper on the bench-table-thing crinkled far too loudly to be acceptable. maybe he was hungover. it would explain the heightened senses.

"so, according to your medical records, tozier, you haven't had an annual physical since- uh..." the man scanned his clipboard, "1998, correct?"

"that is correct, sir" his ears were aflame.

"mkay. you eat healthy?"

okay, then, they were getting right into it

"as healthy as i can, sir" what kind of fuckin answer was that?

dr sigman grimaced a bit, clearly knowing richies response meant his patient ate an apple every month or so to throw his body for a loop or, rather, 'reset' the ol' immune system. a shallow try at 'taking back your life' like some tabloid bullshit.

"you have a stable sleep schedule?"

richie shrugged with an "i guess" that conveyed that his average hours of sleep per night were as dreadful as his attempt at a balanced food pyramid plate.

"smoke or drink?"

now thats the million dollar question

#richie tozier #it 2017 #it 2020 #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #yeah idk

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angelicmichael · 4 years ago

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Imminient Annihilation Sounds so Dope, Chapter Seven

Michael Langdon x reader

Summary: Reader confesses to Mallory that she met Michael and they go have a night out, execpt they run into a certain someone ;)

Words: 6.1k+

Warnings; Mentions of alcohol poisoning, and someone gets VERY drunk (not saying who cause I don’t wanna spoil it). For the sake of the fic pretend that all characters including the reader are of legal drinking age: please and thank you lol

A/N: Sorry for not updating this in so long 😶 I will be back to add a ‘read more’ line and add it to my master list in a couple days. Idk why all my chapters and fics are so fucking long I’m sorry 😂 this chapter was originally even longer but I cut it down believe it or not. I feel like the chapter is the ‘peak’ moment for the tension between Michael and Reader for sure. The tension and the dynamic between them is just so fun to write honestly haha. Reblog or like this if you enjoyed ♥️ also if u wanna be on the tag list let me know!! ALSOO this is readers POV and takes place about a day after the last chapter!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You felt tense. That was the best way to describe how you felt but it also wasn’t. You felt a constant swirling storm inside of you since you met Michael. That storm made you feel different flavors and elements of being anxious and angry but being tense was the most prominent emotion of them all.

You made the difficult choice to lay low about your new powers, but that only seemed the make the crazed whirlwind of emotions you felt even worse.

You knew you were making the best decision by not telling the coven, it would only breed more chaos and make everything more complicated if you did decide to come clean about your powers. You hated to admit it but lying to Cordelia was too fucking easy.

Telling little white lies to Cordelia was easy anyway, however, pretending that you only had two powers everyday was not so easy. You could feel your new powers growing and itching to be used. It was almost like you had all of this pent up energy inside of you but no outlet. It seemed to burn at your fingertips and the fact that you couldn’t be your true authentic self in front of your sisters was slowly killing you and sending you into some kind of depression. You weren’t sure what was worse, going insane or letting the depression slowly eat away at you.

However hiding your new powers from your best friend was what was really proving to be the most difficult of all. You were normally a open book with Mallory, she knew everything that there was to know about you.. execpt for this. She didn’t know that you were now supposed to be the next supreme, and she certainly didn’t know that your powers were so strong that you were even stronger than the actual antichrist himself. And it was killing you not to tell her, and it was showing.

You had been drawing back and becoming reserved around Mallory over the past couple days, and it would be naive to say she didn’t notice. You knew she noticed but you two were just avoiding the topic.

Today was starting out as another typical morning for you. You and Mallory both got up, got dressed and were prepping to go downstairs to have another boring, dull day. Even though you had been distancing yourself from her you still waited to walk downstairs with her, and make small talk atleast. You atleast owed her that much.

You watched Mallory come out of the bathroom that was connected to your room, and shut the door. You stood up and approached your bedroom door; getting ready to leave but you felt a small hand touch your shoulder instead and stop you.

“(y/n), wait”.

You turned around and met Mallory’s sad honey colored eyes. It wasn’t just her eyes that seemed sad though, you could even hear it her voice. Something was wrong.

“Can we talk”?

She asked and you immeaditly nodded as you two both sat down on her bed. You couldn’t help but remember how last time you two sat on her bed to talk it was to discuss how you found out Micheal was your soulmate.. it seemed like only bad news was revealed on this bed.

“Yeah of course”.

You replied and took a deep breath and continued to keep talking instead of letting her talk.

“But it’s not fair to you Mallory that you have to be the one to initiate this conversation.. I.. Ive been hiding something”.

You spoke softly as you bit your lip. You could feel a pit in your stomach start to form as you did not want to continue to have this conversation with her but you knew you had too. You really shouldn’t have been keeping this information from her for so long in the first place. You noticed Mallory started to sit up a bit straighter as her eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. Her mouth opened like she was about to start talking when you cut her off once again.

“I hurt Madison”.

Your words came out shakily, and you made sure to utter them out as a whisper so that none of your sisters could hear. The only thing you really became conscious of was your breathing and your heart beating in your chest. Everything else in the world seemed completely silent and irrelevant. It was as if the world had paused for a couple of seconds until Mallory chose to speak again.

“Madison? How? Why-“

She looked awfully confused as she spoke, and the words seemed to come out quickly. As if she thought the faster she spoke the faster you would give her an answer.

“I didn’t mean too but Micheal wasn’t there at all at first, it was Madison and it was my only option - she would’ve killed me”.

“So it was self defense”?

Mallory asked, the confused expression she wore ealier melted away and now was replaced with a much more stoic and cold look. However, it still held a touch of softness. She had to know deep down that you wouldn’t do something like this unless it was absolutely necessary.. right?

“Yes! I would never hurt her otherwise and you should know that! I wouldn’t hurt a fly”.

You replied and this was when Mallory gave you a small smile and rubbed your shoulder gently with her hand.

“I know (y/n) it’s just I don’t want you to get in trouble. Maybe we should tell Cordelia”?

Mallory offered as she drew her hand back from you.

“There’s no way I could tell Cordelia, Mallory. You know that this whole situation would just stress her out even more than she already is. I feel like she already thinks that I can’t pull the whole ‘seduce Michael’ scheme off. This would just add fuel to the fire, you know”?

You asked her, biting your lip in frustration.

“No, your right. I’m sorry, I just- this whole thing is so complicated. It would just be nice to have a easy solution to all of this”.

Mallory replied with a giggle and a small smile. She looked at you and looked at the floor as if she was deep in thought, and when you got a look in her eyes - you saw a glimmer of adventure and playfulness in her eyes. It was the same glimmer that was in her eyes when you first met her - it was what drew you to her initially. Mallory turned her head back up to look at you and this time she was grinning.

“So your telling me that your powers are stronger than Madison’s? Because you look unscathed”.

She continued and you took a deep breath.

“I- yeah. That’s another thing.. I think seeing Micheal for the first time set something off inside of me because I have these crazy powers, Mallory. I- I stopped Michael from hurting me. I dont know exactly how but I did. Each day my powers seem to be growing and I don’t want to burden anyone else with this information so.. I just feel helpless”.

You ranted. You felt incredibly guilty as you spoke, you knew you were implying that you would be the next supreme but that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t want to be supreme. You didn’t want to take that away from Mallory, your best friend.

“I know your meant to be the next supreme and I would never want to take that away from you-“

You continued to talk but Mallory hugged you and before you realized it you stopped talking. You sat there on the bed speechless. You looked at the patch of sunlight that was in the room since the light was turned off and the curtains were drawn. You supposed noticing this ray of sun was a sign - a sign that things would finally get better and that Mallory would drag you out of this weird funk you’ve found yourself in the past couple days. Then Mallory started to speak,

“Don’t ever think that your taking something away from me. I never really wanted to be supreme anyway I mean, that’s a lot of responsibility and.. I don’t know (y/n) but maybe your not supreme. If your powers are really growing at the rate you said they were then wouldn’t Cordelia’s powers be dying out? And Cordelia’s powers haven’t been affected that I’ve noticed”.

By the time she was finished talking, Mallory stopped hugging you and was looking at you dead in the eyes. The patch of sunlight seemed to hit her and highlighted her dark brown eyes, making them look golden and honey brown. They were beautiful. She was beautiful.

But now was not the time to ogle at Mallory’s beauty; you knew she had a point. Cordelia was constantly teaching and preforming her powers, it would be obvious if her powers started to deplete.

“Yeah but what would that even mean? Would that mean I’m like some other entity like Micheal is? I mean, damn maybe I’m not even a witch at all”.

You were thinking outloud at this point. You crossed your arms gently as you started to get deep in thought. What the fuck would that even mean if you weren’t a witch? How many entities were there that even had ‘magical’ powers? And how would that even really make sense anyway? Your powers really only advanced so rapidly once you met Michael, before that you were just like any other witch. If you really were a entity or something, wouldn’t your powers manifested immeaditly? Plus, you think you would’ve noticed if you really were a demon or some shit.

“Well don’t jump to conclusions I mean, if you really want to know if your a witch you should talk to Cordelia. She would know. Taking the seven wonders wouldn’t be a horrible idea either”.

“Yeah.. maybe after this whole ordeal with Micheal is over though”.

It was nearly as if a lightbulb was turned on in Mallory, she suddenly lit up when you mentioned Micheals name and her mouth even dropped open slightly.

“I totally forgot about Micheal! What happened with Micheal when you met him? How did he not hurt you”?

She questioned and you licked your lips before you continued.

“Take a guess”.

You said with a smirk. It was as if she read your mind because she seemed to know immeaditly what you were talking about. She knew that you were implying that your powers were stronger than Michaels.

“No way! We need to tell Cordelia”!

Mallory’s face continued to light up but you simply shook your head.

“I cant, Mallory. I really can’t”.

You replied softly, trying to stifle a laugh. It made you happy to know that Mallory didn’t reject you or the idea that you might possibly be supreme. However the idea that you perhaps weren’t even fucking human at all overwhelmed you - to say the very least. For now, you were trying to ignore that little detail though.

“Well if your stronger than Micheal than there’s no reason to stay cooped up then, is there”?

“But the coven and Cordelia still need to think that nothing changed. They don’t even know that I met Micheal-“

“We’re going out tonight whether you like it or not. It’s a Friday, and no one will notice if we sneak out.. we deserve a nice night out stress free”.

She replied and you couldn’t help but agree to it. She had a point, it felt purely stupid now to hide away in Robichaux’s when you really had nothing to fear.. even if Micheal did show up, you were stronger than him.. when it came to him hurting you though. Who knows if you would be able to stop his powers if he tried to hurt someone else, like god forbid, Mallory. The odds of Micheal actually showing up tonight in Lousiana were slim to none though. Most likely the fucker was cooped up in his crazy expensive penthouse back in L.A.

But after all you deserved to have a nice night out. You deserved this.

It wasn’t hard to find a house party to go to on a Friday night in Lousiana.. it was nearly laughable at how easy it truly was. It was getting close to midnight and you and Mallory had just arrived, parking the black SUV about a block away from the party you two planned on ‘crashing’.

The house was huge, and college students decorated the yard and flooded the house - making the once spacious area seem cramped and tiny as you walked through the yard and then into the house with Mallory. Mallory led the way as she held your hand as to not get lost as you two had to push through people to find drinks.

It was difficult to be completely certain but with the limited decor you noticed on the walls, the house seemed to be a frat house which explained why all the boys looked like jocks and why all the females seemed to be dressed in minimal clothing. You and Mallory both sported black dresses, hers was long and flowy and fell to about her knees while your dress hugged your body a lot more and ended mid thigh.

You two looked like you belonged here, like you were a part of the party scene but you really weren’t. This was the first time you and Mallory had ever been to be a place like this... from what you heard - this seemed to be more of Madison’s scene. You know she frequently visited frat houses - probably even this one atleast once.

Thinking about Madison put a bad taste in your mouth - it made you incredibly sad. The image of how Madison’s body looked when you threw her against the wall played in your mind but you were quickly brought out of your thoughts when Mallory handed you a cup. You took a sniff of it and sure enough, whatever the substance was DEFINITELY had alcohol in it. You tried not to think to hard about what the substance exactly was before you completly chugged it. Mallory merely gawked at you.

“Your gonna get sick if you keep drinking that fast”!

Mallory yelled at you, you could barely hear her through the blasting music and all of the people talking. You simply giggled at her before replying.

“I’ll be right back”!

You yelled as you turned around, on a mission to find where the rest of the booze was. Of course you didn’t see where Mallory got your booze from in the first place, and it was fucking impossible to see where the kitchen was when you were literally shoulder to shoulder with strangers from how packed this house was.

You swear you could already feel the effects of the alcohol because you knew normally you would be gagging at the smell the house reeked of. It could be best described as pure sweat and maybe unwashed underwear?

You were pleasantly surprised to find that when you next opened your mouth, it was words that came out and not vomit. You didn’t even look to see who was next to you when you spoke; there were so many people in this god damn house - someone was bound to hear you. You had wandered off from Mallory as well, you couldn’t see her anymore but you really weren’t worried at the moment.

“Excuse me, do you know where there keeping the alcohol”?

You tapped the person who was next to you on the shoulder lightly.

The person had their back turned to you and as soon as you actually had time to look at them - you felt as if you had been stabbed square in the chest with fear.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The person you tapped wore a full black outfit with hands crossed behind their back, and their fingers were adorned with several expensive looking rings. Their hair was a curly, beautiful, golden blonde that seemed to rest around their head like a nest or halo of some sort. You just knew that all of these features seemed to hauntingly familiar to you. Too familiar.

Your mouth fell open as you tried to back up but you ended up stepping on someone’s foot, you were trapped. This time, if it really was him, you didn’t have the luxury of running away like you did on the previous meeting. You didn’t know if it was worse to be alone with him or to be stuck with him in a room full of people. Hopefully you were just over reacting and this was just a doppelgänger at best.

The person (who you were hoping wasn’t Micheal) finally sauntered around to face you, you couldn’t help but continue to gawk at them with your mouth wide open. You knew if you continued to keep your mouth open you would surely attract flies so you managed to close your mouth.

You realized this person was wearing a light black cape with two golden claspes on each side with a golden chain running between the two claspes. You couldn’t help but briefly think how expensive those claspes probably were - fuck. All it took was for you to look up and meet his icy blue eyes. Fuck, those eyes. Once you pulled yourself out of the trance his eyes seemed to put you in, you then realized who you were staring at... oh no.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck fuck!!

“I don’t, I was actually just looking for the drinks myself. Care to search with me”?

You stood there as he spoke, completly fucking baffled. You forgot you had even talked to him at all ealier, but he sure didn’t seem surprised to see you. Weird. It was almost as if he knew you were going to be here, but how was that even possible? He wore a smug smirk on his face while your thoughts started to race at one hundred miles per hour.

You tried to make it look less apparent that you were so shocked; it looked like he was getting off on the fact that you looked caught off guard. You didn’t know too much about him but you knew he had a thing for control and manipulation; and you weren’t about to let Langdon control you anymore than he already had.

“Wait.. What? What the fuck are you even doing here”?

You asked and threw your hands up in the air in frustration. The sheer hatred and anger you held in your voice got the attention of a few people who stood close to you but they quickly lost interest.. thank god.

You went to this party with the intention of finally letting go of fear and being able to be free and yet you ran into the person that you were dreading would be there. You felt incredibly angry that he took this night away from you, a night where you could just let go and have fun but now that was fucking gone.

It was odd how he wasn’t scared to confront you when he knew you were stronger than he is. It’s as if he got off on having control over you and your life, and even how you felt.. And you were so fucking over it. It was so fucking sick.

“I could easily ask you the same, couldn’t I”?

Micheal responded. Instead of yelling to talk to you, you noticed that he kept moving in closer and closer to talk to you and you were still trapped. You could feel your palms starting to itch with inticipation, waiting for the right moment to use your powers to attack - if it came to that but that was the absolute last resort. You were surrounded by way too many people to just use your powers freely like in the abandoned house you two had met in previously.

“You don’t own me Micheal. I’m sick of feeling like you control me, I feel like I’m not even in charge of my own emotions or actions anymore. And now when I finally try to have a night to forget about you, you fucking show up. So let me ask you again, what are you fucking doing here”?

You hissed. You kept your voice a little low, still yelling but not quite at the volume that would catch other people’s attention. You made sure to look right into Micheals eyes as you spoke, you wanted to show him you weren’t scared. There was no reason to cower from him anymore.

Micheal smirked as he glanced over his shoulder, as if he was making sure no one was picking up on your conversation. There was so many fucking people here, it was really hard to tell if any of them were purposely listening in or not. And even if they were listening, it probably just sounded like you two were exes that happened to run into eachother at a party.

“I’m here for the same reason you are. To forget about all of the bullshit that’s happened within this past week. So, C’Mon lets go take shots”.

Micheal said and actually grabbed your hand. Your mouth dropped once again as soon as he touched you, your not sure if it was from pure surprise or disgust.. maybe both? Your first instinct was to take back your hand and you tried to - you really did but the fucker seemed to have cat like reflexes and he caught your hand before you could yank it away too far.

You thought the first time you would touch your soulmate you feel sparks or fireworks and maybe even butterflies but when Micheal touched you, and was even leading you through the crowd now - you felt nothing of the sort.

You felt regret, nausea, and if anything it felt like you had almost been electrocuted when he touched you. And not in a good way.

He was moving through the crowd pretty damn fast, and he wasn’t really holding your hand - more so grabbing onto your wrist as if you were a kid who was about to be punished. You tried to slide your wrist out of his grip but he wouldn’t fucking let go, and it was really starting to hurt. You stumbled behind him and he continued lugging you through the crowd and to the kitchen; where there was definetly still a crowd but it was more dispersed and there was actually room to breathe. It was a little bit quieter here too, the music a little bit distant and the crowd was more sparse. It wasn’t nessacary to scream here to talk but you chose to anyway for your next sentence because you wanted to make sure he fucking heard you.

“Micheal let go”!

You yelled, you still couldn’t work your wrist free so you took your other hand to pry Micheals hand free off of you.

You noticed people were staring at you two - you didn’t look to see but you could feel their eyes on you. Micheal must’ve sensed that you two were getting attention because he finally let go of your fucking wrist. Ow. He might’ve let go because you were also digging your nails into his skin as well.

You rubbed your wrist which was now red as you frowned deeply. Even though your wrist was really just irritated and not actually injured; you still chose to put your other hand over your wrist and heal it. It’s not like anyone would notice, you doubted even Michael noticed what you were doing. However, What you really wanted to do was to continue to yell at Micheal but you knew you couldn’t do that now, espically since you just got people to stop staring. You cleared your throat.

“What the hell is this all about Micheal? Are you out of your mind”?

You hissed, glaring daggers at him as you spoke. You hurt Madison, why was he not furious with you? It made no fucking sense. And he wanted to take shots with you?? What??

You don’t know what exactly you were so mad about honestly, because this point it was fucking everything. You don’t know if it was the fact that he was trying to pretend everything was okay when it obviously fucking wasn’t, or the fact he was expecting you to just forget all of the bad blood that was between you too? Who knew at this point.

You waited for him to talk but instead he moved toward the counter to pour shots, you assumed since he was so hellbent on you two drinking together. You wouldn’t be surprised if he poisoned your drink honestly but something about Michael today seemed desperate, and sad. He really seemed like he was trying to get on your good side; maybe you were just reading him wrong but you felt like you could trust him tonight.

Michael didn’t even bother to turn around to reply to you; he kept his focus on the alcohol and not even making eye contact as he spoke.

“I told you, I’m done fighting”.

He said. He nearly slammed the alcohol bottle down onto the counter and he turned to look at you as he kept speaking. He first handed you your shot which happened to be clear in a tiny red plastic cup. You stared at the fluid in the cup suspiciously, and then you looked back up at Michael. You figured you would watch him drink his shot first before you had yours.

“The more I try to distance myself from you, the more I just end up getting fucking nowhere so I’m done trying to run away from you. Whenever I try to push you away someone ends up getting hurt, so It’s not worth it.. bottoms up”.

Micheal took his shot and downed it within seconds and slammed it back down on the counter. You noticed he was already reaching for the bottle to fill up his glass again. You continued to keep holding onto your cup absentmindedly as you watched Michael pour himself another glass. You couldn’t help but to notice how whenever he spoke tonight there seemed to be a desperation in his voice, it was as if he had given up. It almost made you feel bad for him.. almost.

You had to remind yourself who he was, and what his ultimate goals were. The only reason he was sad and angsty tonight was because he couldn’t manipulate you or use his powers against you, it wasn’t because he cared or felt any kind of empathy for you. It stung and hurt for you to acknowledge that but you knew you couldn’t let his charm cloud your judgement.

You already had a drink ealier but you figured this tiny shot wouldn’t hurt, being tipsy around Micheal couldn’t be TOO risky.. After all Michael seemed to be pretty cozy with drinking around you. You downed your shot and pull your small plastic cup back onto the table; assuming Micheal would fill it for you since he was still holding the bottle of alcohol.

You were about to speak but instead you heard someone else speak up and talk to Micheal instead.

“Why are you even taking shots? You might as well just drink the whole bottle at this point”.

It was an all too familiar voice, you whipped your head around and you saw Mallory. You exhaled and grinned, you were never happier to see another human being in your fucking life.

It’s not like you were alone with Micheal, you were surrounded by people but you felt alone. Micheal could do whatever he wanted to you here because you couldn’t use your powers. You felt isolated and alone but now with Mallory here? You were getting the fuck out. Nothing could stop you now.

You were surprised Mallory made such a snide remark to the damn antichrist of all people.. I mean she knew who he was.. right?

Micheal at first smirked, and then he full on laughed - it was like he was trying to hold it in at first. He was defintly feeling the alcohol you could only assume. You’d never seen him laugh before... you couldn’t decipher whether it was a true laugh or a sarcastic one from being challenged.

“Your right. I guess I will”.

Micheal announced, he placed his shot glass on the table and even slid it across. Your not sure if it slid naturally or if he used a bit of his magic - a quick glance around told you that no one seemed to notice or care execpt you.

He started to chug the bottle which happened to be a pretty big fucking bottle of Absolute Vodka. You watched his throat as his Adam’s apple continued to bob as he swallowed.. and swallowed and swallowed. You and Mallory’s mouth both dropped open, you didn’t know what the fuck to do. You both looked at eachother in shock as you watched the amount of liquid in the bottle start to grow smaller and smaller.

He was defintly going to get sick at this rate, and be drunk off his fucking ass. Yes, you hated him and wanted him dead but not like this. Choking on his own vomit and dying drunk and alone would be a fucking awful death; even for the antichrist. And lucky for him you actually gave a shit about people and their feelings.

You knew Cordelia’s ideal end game would be to have Micheal dead as soon as possible but if you could help it Micheal wasn’t going to die tonight. You would rather it be a quick and painless death if he had to die; dying by being drunk would not quick and painless. And on the other hand, Mallory didn’t even know this was Micheal yet. You assumed she probably thought this was just some guy you stumbled across - which wasn’t a totally wrong assumption. You brought your attention back to the man in front of you; who was still fucking drinking, the bottle was nearly empty.

“Hey! Stop”!

You hissed at Micheal. You gripped the end of the bottle and yanked it away from him - he had a damn good grip didn’t he?

The bottle was at least three quarters empty, fuck. You noticed Mallory gave you a weird look when you yelled at Micheal but you only did so cause you didn’t want to randomly name drop him, you figured they could have a (semi) proper introduction.

You still held onto the bottle as you shifted glances between Mallory and Micheal. You pointed at each of them with the bottle you held as you said their names.

“Mallory, this is Micheal. Micheal, this is Mallory”.

Mallory, who was staring at you before, instantly snapped her head toward Michael as her eyes grew wide. It was as if she was trying to convince herself that what you had just said wasn’t true. She looked completly panicked, in fact you could nearly feel the anxiety radiating off of her like how you would feel the heat rising off of a hot stove.

“This is Micheal”?!

Mallory asked in a panicked whisper. You merely nodded quickly. Micheal on the other hand looked purely amused, and swayed in place dangerously. If he wasn’t drunk before, he definitely was now. you had no doubt in your mind that he was reading and taking in all her thoughts right now, if he wasn’t too drunk to use his powers anyway. You weren’t drunk, maybe just a little tipsy at most but you could still feel the strength of your powers swirling inside you. Being intoxicated definitely had no effect on the strength of your powers - that was good to know. Michaels blue eyes flickered from watching Mallory to meeting your gaze.

You knew no one else execpt maybe Mallory was staring at you but you felt under the spotlight under Micheals gaze, almost like how a bug would feel right before being squashed. You started to sweat and shift uncomfterably in place. You felt even more uncomfterable as he spoke.

“Is this your new normal now? Do you always keep a posey of witches around you wherever you go? How about you just introduce me to rest”.

Micheal mused, you nearly screeched when he said the word ‘witches’ outloud. Even though he looked obviously drunk, his words came out smoother than silk - not stumbling on his words once. You found it odd Michael didn’t even bother addressing Mallory, not even respecting her enough to look her in the eyes. You assumed he knew she was a witch from reading her thoughts, or maybe he could just sense it. This seemed to piss you off any more of that was even possible. He could at least pretend to be civil.

“Micheal, What is your problem? Im not scared of you”.

You snarled, you stepped closer to him, just a foot away from his face as you stared him in the eyes. Even though you felt insanely nervous doing this, you knew Micheal couldn’t hurt you. You just needed to show him that you were in control for once. Not him.

You felt Mallory’s soft hand on your bicep, very gently pulling your arm back. You knew she was scared that you or Michael would start fighting.

“(y/n), we need to go”.

You heard her say. Micheal still had a smug smile on his lips and you wanted nothing more than to wipe it clean off.

You backed off though, you took a couple steps back and turned to Mallory; your back now to Michael. As you spoke, you felt Micheal tug on the bottom of the bottle you still held - trying to take it back - but you gently tugged it back. He was already drunk out of his mind, no fucking way he was having more.

“I can’t leave him like this, he’s going to get himself killed”.

You explained to Mallory, frowning. It’s not like you wanted to spend tonight babysitting Micheal but you couldn’t trust him to be by himself.. even if he was acting like a asshole and purposefully trying to piss you off. You could tell Mallory was about to protest by the look on her face but you spoke instead.

“Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. Go home, I’m gonna stay with him”.

“There’s no way I’m going to let you do that, what if he hurts you”?!

“I’m not worried, I’m stronger than him. Plus he’s drunk, the only one he’s in danger of hurting right now is himself”.

You said with a giggle. Mallory quickly took a couple steps toward you and bear hugged you. You hugged her back and you could barely make out the words,

“Be careful. I’m gonna head back”.

You gave Mallory a somber smile as you watched her melt back into the sea of people as she left the kitchen. You turned your attention back to the drunk bafoon you had the pleasure of babysitting tonight.

You caught him dancing embarrassingly bad and trying to lip sync to whatever hip hop song was playing.. you could only laugh as you walked over to him.

After pick pocketing his phone from his back pocket of his jeans, you quickly got you two a Uber to wherever the hell Michael was staying this time.

You could only hope it was another nice penthouse like how his one in L.A. was.

While holding his phone; you didn’t mean to snoop or go through anything execpt the Uber app (which you downloaded) but.. a message notification popped up.

A quick glance at Michael told you that he wasn’t paying attention, the dumbass was too drunk to even notice you took his phone in the first place.

You looked over back at his phone and first noticed the message was from Madison, and then you noticed what the message even was.. a photo. It looked to be a photo of.. oh my god.

Was that Madison? Was that a fucking nude? Your mouth opened and your shut his screen off, you immeaditly handed his phone back over to him which he reluctantly took with a confused puppy look.

By how Michael was talking ealier you thought that maybe he wanted to make mends but if he still had this kind of relationship with Madison, what did it even mean? What did any of this mean? You saw first hand though how in love he was with her. He wasn’t just going to break up with her, you should’ve known that.

You shook your head, atleast you knew you had a lot to think about tonight.

Taglist: @mindlesschicca @mina672 @guiltyfiend @michaellangdonstanaccount @9layerdevilsfoodcake

#lemme know how trash this chapter was lol #i feel like the writing in the beginning and end is good but in the middle its kinda meh?#writing drunk michael is SO fun #next chapter is pure drunk michael content #michael x reader #michael langdon x reader #imminient annihilation sounds so dope #my fic #ahs

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kareofbears · 5 years ago

Text

persona 5 royal: my thoughts after finishing it five minutes ago

disclaimer: the only reason im writing this is because 1) i have a lot of thoughts and feelings that i need to write down and if i dont ill explode and 2) i want to be able to find this when p5s eventually drops so i can compare my thought processes. if you do not agree with what i’m going to say, that’s cool! just block me or ignore this post.

now for the sake of sanity, i’m going to try and narrow down this entire list into chunks because this’ll probably be very very long and very much about me just screaming about stuff that i liked, loved, and don’t like. i will be spoiling both the original persona 5 and persona 5 royal, obviously, so i hope you finished both!

1) Akechi

so yes. Goro Akechi. Everyone’s favorite murderer. I’m going to by spewing a lot of hot takes, and this is probably going to be the spiciest: i am in the most intense love-hate relationship with this brown haired antagonist because jesus christ is he a complicated son of a bitch. I know i’ve complained in the past about how much Atlus often struggles with utilizing a character well, but that does not at all relate to Akechi in any way, shape, or form.

I’ll say this now: He is a character I genuinely, truly hate, yet he is the one I want to hear from the most. He is someone who is a bad person (yes, he is a bad person) but whenever he comes on screen he makes me sit up, he makes me pay attention to him because that’s just the aura he exudes. He is a character who i would never, ever waste my time defending or justifying his actions, but every minute joker spends with him is a minute i want to stretch out as long as possible because he is just that good of a character. He is interesting, he is well defined, he is smart, he is clever, he is sassy, he’s a motherfucking asshole who’s never had a vibe check in my life and i still hate him. Goro Akechi is what Star Wars wanted Kylo Ren to be, and that allegory may not make sense to many people but it works for me so i’m saying it. It’s to the point where writing akechi in a fanfic makes me sweat because in my opinon capturing the essence of akechi is near impossible unless you know what you are talking about (i do not mean that in anyway to discourage people from writing him, im just saying that I am a coward because i will never be able to write a good akechi). Anyway, bottom line is: i despise him but my eyes are always glued to him at all times.

back to the main point-- Atlus absolutely nailed this character and every single addition they put in for Akechi. I’m so damn thrilled that you actually have confidant hangouts with him because every single time you talk to him, it services not only the plot, but it perfectly does what it is supposed to do: it makes you like him, but also leaves the player slightly unnerved. they do it so casually that I might have trouble explaining it, but bear with me: everytime you hangout with him, he always does or say something that unhinges you just a little bit, it leaves you asking ‘wait why?’ or ‘but how did you know that’ or ‘why are you saying that?’. akechi is constantly playing mind games with you. and not only that, adding backstory to akechi (moreso than in the original) is just fucking fantastic. he’s always been a fully fleshed out character but after playing royal, goro akechi actually exists in my mind, and i still hate him (but also i dont. but also i do. anyway)

2) the ending

just finished the game and this is the point where i am at odds with p5r for the first time. the ending to p5, in my opinion, was flawless; everything was perfect and had meaning. from the shot of akira being shown to not wearing glasses anymore because he no longer feels the need to wear a mask (character development: he was very unhappy at the beginning of the game and now he’s happy with his friends--i love it), to his friends being the one to drive him home (amazing, he left his home town and came to shibuya alone via transit, and one year later he’s now leaving with all of his best friends in a van they rented just so they could stay with him as long as they can--it’s perfect, i love it), and also all of them seeing how large and infinite the ocean is (because now there’s unlimited options for them because they all have a new perspective on life).

But....none of that is there in p5r. it feels impersonal. no one drops him off at his hometown, he was still wearing glasses, and there’s no grand metaphor about what they all achieved.

Now, i am not a (complete) moron. I know why they had to change it: it’s because of persona 5 scramble (i think). they wanted to set up a plot for the next game and i feel like thats the reason why persona 5 royal’s ending suffered for it: they were too focused on the next plot that they forgot to focus on the sentimental ending for p5r. don’t get me wrong, seeing akechi in the train station absolutely made me lose my shit and made me scream at one in the morning, but i think they lost the core meaning in doing the other stuff. i did not like the focus on maruki and kasumi (will be talking about them later), cause i feel like it took away from the ending, and i also didn’t like the fact that the whole joker outfit in the reflection thing (but i will be letting it slide since it was during the after credits anyway). So while i do love one (1) new aspect of the final cut scene, i still adore and stan the one from persona 5.

3) the entire last semester

i’ll be quick: the final palace? the best palace. fight me. it’s fantastic, it’s innovative, it’s interesting, and most of all, the palace ruler is actually the best one in the entire game and i know i wont be the only one to say this. maruki is not a villain: i know for a godamn fact that im not the only one to say that i almost agreed with his deal of allowing the reality (damn i almost agreed twice) because why wouldnt you?? it’s literally a perfect reality! the only reason i didnt agree is because i knew the game wouldnt want me to agree and would force me to have the bad ending! anyway, i love the last section so much. the palace design is interesting, the antagonist is brilliant (who doesn’t love a morally gray antagonist?), and finally, the payoff of kasumi happened and it made me silent for ten minutes. the entire reveal of her being sumire and kasumi being dead is just so genuinely shocking to me that it nearly broke my neck.

what actually broke my neck was the initial incident for the third semester. seeing everyone in this wild alternate reality made me so unsettled that i literally got a stomach ache. i saw morgana as a human and nearly passed out. shiho in the underground? wig. ryuji saying he’s on the national pedastal for running? literally my eyebrows just popped off my head. fucking WAKABA? FLATLINED. brilliantly executed and i love the initial akechi and akira buddy cop movie vibes in the beginning it was just so fun.

one huge part of the third semester for me though, was of course, akechi. seeing him completely throw away his ‘charming ace detective’ speil was the most refreshing and interesting and not to mention, hilarious part of the game. he does not give a fuck about anyone and he is not afraid to let you know. he is the biggest savage and the most insane person on the phantom thieves group. he’ll roast you, he’ll roast your boyfriend, he’ll roast fuckin anyone and it’s fantastic. not to mention his dialogue is killer: he says the most bat shit insults ever and my favorite example is when you go up to him near the end of the game, you know, to hangout with him and be a nice guy, he just does not hesitate to say ‘what, you came just to see me? just the sort of brainless sentimentality i’d expect from you.’ i LOVE IT because why the hell would he try to be nice? the jig is up, he’s got nothing to hide. and he owns it. atlus seriously nailed akechi in this last semester and it’s brilliant and i love it.

4) everything else

- one small thing that pissed me off in both games (but especially this one) is how many godamn fake out deaths there are. Morgana has one, Akira has one, Ryuji has one, Sojiro has one, Maruki has one, motherfucking Akechi has two. it just hurts me!

- sumire is an amazing character who has depth and she is lovely and my biggest complaint is that it feels like atlus shoved her in. like, she feels like a new addition to the game, you know what i mean? maybe its because ive played the original p5 first, but you know, it’s not a big deal. but i love her so much

- on the topic of sumire, i cant say that im completely super duper happy with how different she felt from the other thieves? im sure that’ll be explained in p5s but she just got so much screen time that it just truly made me confused?? maybe im just a horrible person, or that’s just a really hot take. but anyway, yeah maybe im bitter because i really wanted to see extra hangouts/school trips during royal, but didn’t really.

-baton pass? literally orgasmic. it made turn base battles so damn fun and the addition of darts and billiards made me foam at the mouth it was SO SMART AND INNOVATIVE AND I LOVE IT ATLUS I LOVE YOU ATLUS YOURE SO SMART SWEETIE

-small thing, but making spells like ‘dormina’ actually useful just made the game so much more fun and dungeon crawling became something i truly, genuinely looked forward to

-being able to give gifts to my bros? absolutely incredible. thank you. side note: seeing akechi happy from giving him a multi vitamin cracked me up. side side note: giving ryuji a fuck ton of weights and him just smiling made my heart so happy i love that boy so much

- ah this game just looked so GOOD! i thought the original looked good but they really went all out. im not kidding, the smallest details in everyday life or even just normal cut scenes were out of this world. especially stuff from the third semester its just OOF good JOB atlus i love you buddy

-ahhh thieves den! how can i forget? i love it. at first i was a bit iffy with it since it really felt like persona 5 (undoubtedly the biggest game atlus has created) was just jacking itself off. but as time goes on, it became a huge addition to the game and seeing characters’ insights and extra lines of dialogue became super duper interesting and a highlight of the game for me. and don’t even get me started on how much i love love love the photos they added of them hanging out! so lovely, a bunch of them made me tear up

- i know it’s literally impossible, but i feel like the game just forgot that akechi is a person who can wield multiple persona and i just wish that could’ve been messed around with during Palaces

- showtimes are so, so crazy and i get so embarassed whenever they play on my tv because they are just outlandish and unashamed but i love them so so much it just defines persona’s personality

-because i love ryuji: i prefer the final conversation you have with him aka ‘whaddya mean? you’re there’ but there’s still a lot of really tender and sweet moments like akira genuinely telling him that he’ll miss him, and also the fact that ryuji wants you both to send each other your times through the exercise watch so you can still race ahhhh i love him so much yall

so, overall, this game is better than the original p5 because of the extra content we get. if persona 5 was the perfect dinner, persona 5 royal is that same dinner and you get to enter the dessert buffet. it’s brilliant, it’s smart, it’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, and it’s undoubtedly my favorite game of all time without exaggeration. while i do prefer the final cut scene (and final dialogues with some characters) in the original persona 5, in the overall experience, persona 5 royal is superior in my mind. i would willingly get amnesia to play this game again.

I didn’t get to cover everything, but this is definitely most of what i wanted to say. if you actually get to reading all the way to the end, thanks! it means a lot. i hope we can all enjoy persona and look forward to persona 5 scramble together :-)

#p5 #persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #mine #such a long post but totally worth it

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inadaydream99 · 5 years ago

Text

Hate to love you

Ateez Hongjoong

Fluff, slight angst enemies to lovers au

A/N - this is inspired from the Wonderland concept, I don’t know, it just felt appropriate 😂 also to celebrate 200+ followers 😁

———————————————————————

It really is sickening how someone can be so evil yet so unbelievably beautiful at the same time. How you can feel so much hate towards a person and simultaneously find them so attractive.

That’s exactly the way you felt about Hongjoong and you despised yourself for it.

Since the moment you were first introduced to the members of Ateez by your best friend Wooyoung, Hongjoong had been nothing but rude to you. Snarky and spiteful remarks directed your way every time you are forced to hang out together. All the other members welcomed you with open arms and bright, friendly smiles. Which is why you developed such a close friendship with all of them. Well, all of them except the leader.

You had no idea why Hongjoong took such a strong dislike to you. And after several failed attempts at trying to befriend him, you gave up. Deciding that if he is adement to hate you then you would hate him too.

You are distracted from making yourself a coffee by an annoyed scoff emitting from behind you. Turning around, a scour replaces your contented smile upon seeing Hongjoong glaring at you.

“Ugh, what are you doing here already.” Hongjoong grimaces at you. You had arranged with Wooyoung to hang out for the day and arrived early. You were simply making yourself a drink while you waited for Wooyoung to finish getting ready, minding your own business since none of the guys seemed to be up and about this early in the day.

“I’m spending the day with Wooyoung.” You respond, your tone completely indifferent to Hongjoong’s remark as you turn back around to finish making your drink.

“So you just decide to make yourself at home then.” Hongjoong comments as he approches the fridge and takes out some milk.

“Wooyoung offered to make me a drink but I told him to finish getting ready.” You causally respond, not allowing yourself to rise to his little digs at you.

“You’re so bossy aren’t you.” Hongjoong laughs mockingly. “Telling your best friend what to do.” He continues, a shit eating grin on his face as he watches your back tense with annoyance, the deep breath you take filling Hongjoong with pleasure.

“I don’t have time for this.” You say without looking at him, picking up your mug and leaving the kitchen. You were kind of proud of yourself for not retaliating to his rude comments, but as you walk down the hall towards Wooyoung’s room, you can’t help but feel a little deflated.

~~~~

Knocking on Wooyoung’s door it’s swings open to reveal your best friend laying across his bed, the blind shut, leaving the room in darkness.

“Hey (Y/N)!” San cheerfully greets you as you step into the dark room.

“Hey San!” You smile back before turning your attention onto Wooyoung. “Woo, what are you doing.” You laugh as you approach him. Wooyoung crains his neck to look at you, a sheepish smile on his face as you stand looking over him.

“I’m ready I just wanted one more minute of rest.” Wooyoung reply’s with a light chuckle.

“He’s being lazy.” San comments which earns a pillow being thrown at him and hitting his side, an amused laugh sounding from him as he falls back on his bed.

“Come on, let’s go.” You shake your head as you turn around and head out of the room, Wooyoung groaning as he gets up and follows you.

“But you haven’t finished your drink yet!” Wooyoung calls out to you, trying to make a point that you could have let him lay down for a few more minutes.

~~~~

“You seem a little reserved today, what’s wrong?” Wooyoung quizzically asks as you both fall into a comfortable silence, the lull of birds singing in the trees creating a serene atmosphere in the park.

“Oh it’s nothing.” You bashfully reply, diverting your attention onto the gravel path underneath your feet.

You didn’t want Hongjoong’s earlier comments to bother you. You refused to let it ruin your day in the park with Wooyoung. The weather was perfectly warm and the park around you was buzzing with life. So why couldn’t you enjoy it? Why was your mood so affected by someone’s bitter comments?

“(Y/N) I know it’s not nothing. Come on you can tell me anything.” Wooyoung comfortingly places a hand on your shoulder, prompting your head to turn and face him. “Did something happen this morning?” He questions, his eyes gazing at you, filled with genuine care.

“Well, it’s stupid really. Gosh I feel like a little kid by telling you this, but Hongjoong came into the kitchen while I was making a drink and made all these snarky remarks towards me and I don’t know, I guess I’ve let it get to me.” You confess quietly, a little annoyed with yourself for making such a big deal out of something that really shouldn’t bother you at all.

“He’s still on that? Honestly, we agreed he would stop.” Wooyoung becomes a little tense, his irritation becoming very obvious.

“What do you mean we agreed he would stop?” Your face contorts in confusion as you become perplexed with the vague statement.

“Well, dont tell Hongjoong I’ve told you cause he’ll kill me, but the other day he came to me with a dilemma. It was after you had the argument where he accused you of being stuck up.” Wooyoung begins to explain a little nervously.

“That evening Hongjoong approached me and explained that he felt really bad about what had happened. I was a little shocked cause I never thought he would care about upsetting you. Anyway, after explaining everything, I asked him why he hates you so much and...” Wooyoung trails off, pausing for a minute to think over his next words.

“And what.” You softly ask him after a moment of silence. Wooyoung looks spaced out, his eyes glued to watching the long, uncut strands of grass softly move in the wind.

“And- you know, I really think you should hear this from Hongjoong himself.” Wooyoung breaks out of his daze, his eyes flicking up to meet yours.

“What? You can’t do that to me.” You lightly hit his arm which makes Wooyoung throw his head back in laughter. “I was getting very invested in that!” You shout with a giant smile.

“Just one quick question.” Wooyoung asks, his face turning serious as you both calm down from your moment of joking around.

“Yeah?” You answer him, a little unsure of what he could possibly ask you.

“Could you by any chance have feelings for Hongjoong?” He speaks so softly you almost miss what he says. You’re eyes widen, taken aback by the unexpected topic.

“Umm, I mean he’s insanely good looking but he’s so horrible.” You reply, a little dumbfounded at the question.

You, yourself, were unsure of the real answer. You have always found Hongjoong extremely attractive but his personality was an instant off put. He’s just way too much of a rude person towards you to even consider the prospect of having feelings for him.

You’re not sure why you’re heart flutters at the thought of thinking about Hongjoong in a romantic way. But now you realise that maybe under the burning hatred towards him that you have all along.

~~~~

You and Wooyoung arrive back at the dorms late in the afternoon. By this point the dorm was no longer the silent apartment you had left this morning, but one filled with loud laughter sounding from the living room.

As you enter the room you behold the sight of all the guys engaged in an arm wrestling contest. It was currently Jongho vs Yunho, with the rest of the guys chanting around them.

“And I win again!” Jongho cheers as Yunho rubs his wrist, a small pout on his lips as he stands up and Seonghwa goes to comfort him. You send a knowing glance over to Wooyoung as you join in with the group.

“Who’s next?” Jongho asks, his brow raised in slight cockiness as he eyes everyone around him.

“I’ll go. I think you need to be taken down a peg or two.” Hongjoong laughs, a cheeky smirk on his face as he kneels opposite Jongho and they both rest their elbows of the coffee table in between them.

You would normally roll your eyes upon hearing Hongjoong’s comments, even if they weren’t directed at you, but this time you can’t help but feel like you want Hongjoong to win. You watch intently as he rolls his t-shirt sleeve up, tensing his arm to show off his bicep before Jongho links their hands.

You are snapped out of your daze by Mingi commencing the arm wrestle.

“3, 2, 1, go!” Mingi shouts passionately, excitement evident in his tone which makes you giggle at him.

Everyone shouts and cheers as the match unfolds. You really didn’t expect Hongjoong to put up such a good fight against Jongho; being that Jongho is the proclaimed strongest of the group.

“And the winner is... Jongho!” Mingi cheers as he lifts Jongho’s arm in the air.

You clap for him, happy that he won yet again, but you can’t help feel a little disappointed that Hongjoong didn’t win. What was happening to you?

You watch as both guys stand up and shake hands.

“Well done, you were a tough opponent.” Jongho bows to Hongjoong.

“It’s a pleasure.” Hongjoong politely reply’s, a genuine smile on his face in return.

“(Y/N)? Are you there?” Yeosang teases as he waves his hand in front of your face making you flinch out of your zoned out state.

“Sorry, I just got a bit distracted.” You turn to Yeosang, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

“Sure... anyway, I asked if you wanted a drink?” He asks.

“Oh um, I’m fine actually. But thanks for the offer.” You politely decline, sending him a small smile.

“Woah, Pincess isn’t ordering everyone around for once. Finally tired of having people run around after you?” Hongjoong condescendingly speaks, drawing the attention of everyone in the room onto you both.

“That’s not cool Hongjoong.” Wooyoung speaks up, defending you as you fall silent, stunned by the audacity he has to pick you out just for fun.

“No, I think it’s perfectly justified. Everyone falls at her feat all the time.” Hongjoong continues. Your line of vision falls to the floor in embarrassment.

Normally you would retaliate, make snarky comments back and have a harsh exterior. But you can’t seem to find any words to comeback with, your mind goes blank and your eyes well up with tears as you are made to feel so small in front of your friends.

Before anyone can say anything you rush out of the room with your head down, avoiding Seonghwa’s hand as he reaches out to you to try and comfort you a little.

Wooyoung glares at Hongjoong who doesn’t notice until he turns his head, from the direction you walked off in, to catch Wooyoung’s stare.

“You should go and apologise.” Is all he says, the room silent as all the guys become awkward with the thick atmosphere that has been created.

~~~~

You are sat on the edge of Wooyoung’s bed, your face in your hands as you take deep breaths to try and stop the unwanted tears that stream down your face. Your head shoots up at hearing the latch of the door open.

“What do you want now? Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” You weakly speak as you realise it’s Hongjoong who has entered the room.

“I actually came to apologise.” His tone is remorseful which makes you look at him in disbelief as he turns around to face you after shutting the door.

“I’m really sorry for everything. I don’t just mean for my comments today, but for the way I’ve treated you since we first met.” Hongjoong speaks sincerely, his voice soft and controlled as he sits on the bed next to you.

“Why do you hate me so much?” You take in his expression, the way his brows are slightly furrowed and the frown on his lips as he looks at you.

“I guess I was jealous.” Hongjoong mumbles reluctantly.

“Jealous of what?” You encourage him to continue, wanting to find out his reasoning.

“Because I saw the friendship you had with Wooyoung. When I first saw you I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever laid eyes on and then I saw how you interacted with the guys and it made me mad because I knew I would never have a shot with you. People fall at your feet and I didn’t want to be just another one of them. I realised that if I couldn’t be more than friends with you then I didn’t want to be anything at all.” Hongjoong explains, the way he finally looks at you after revealing everything makes you believe that he is telling the truth.

“But why did you assume that? How could you possibly know how I feel?” You answer him with more questions.

“I’m stupid, I know.” Hongjoong laughs at himself.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I understand what you mean.” Hongjoong’s eyes widen in surprise at your responce, his mouth falling agape, taken aback by your understanding.

“I actually thought you were the most handsome guy I’d ever seen when we first met, until we spoke and you sneered at me. You remember, I introduced myself and you just rolled your eyes and went ‘whatever’.” You chuckle recalling memory which makes Hongjoong lightly laugh along, a small smile replacing his frown.

“I never actually hated you.” Hongjoong confesses after a moment of silence. “I think it was more I hated how much I was completely mesmerised by you. And the more I got to know you, and saw your interactions with the guys, the more I fell.” Hongjoong’s face falls into a tight lipped smile, regret taking over his features.

“You know, in an odd way, that’s really sweet.” You giggle as you place your hand on top of his, the action making Hongjoong snap his head to look at them before taking your hand properly in his and intertwining your fingers together. A shy smile forms on your face as you look down at your interlaced hands, your heart beating a million miles an hour just from the simple act of affection.

“Could we start again?” Hongjoong gets your attention away from your hands onto his face. You meet his eyes and realise how close your faces had become without realising.

“I’d like that.” You nod, smiling happily at him as you both begin to lean in and close the space between you.

Your lips meat softly, the kiss equally firm and delicate, full of unspoken words and pent up emotions that you have both been harbouring for a long time. You pull apart slightly breathless, grinning at each other like a pair of idiots.

“We should go back and join everyone.” You whisper millimetres from Hongjoong’s face.

“Just one more minute.” Hongjoong chuckles before pulling you back into another kiss.

You had no idea that you could ever resolve the bickering you had with Hongjoong. The eventful day, filled with high emotions and lots of tension, turning out to be for the better and you wouldn’t change its outcome for the world.

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dementedgnomicwizard · 5 years ago

Text

i preplanned those tunnel tweets + made a list of specifically what pictures i wanted and finished making the worms earlier this morning so like i wasnt Winging It at all but it sure felt like it! bc weve only ever gone to the tunnels as a group before, but today the only time i could go was in the 25 minutes before my evening class and no one else was free then so i was like whatever ill just go get my pictures and then to class and it’s fine. so i put my little sandwich baggie full of worms in my pocket and went over to the machinery building, which is where the tunnel entrance is, but the entrance is in the basement and there’s two ways to get into the basement both of which are almost always locked so i was like well i’ll just check and see if either of them are open. and it turned out the freight elevator was allowing trips to the basement so i got in and went down

the freight elevator spits you out in like this really cluttered and fucked-up looking storage basement basically which is where the tunnel entrance is and while the tunnel is dark the basement itself is usually lit by these shitty fluorescents HOWEVER! today when the elevator doors opened it was absolutely completely dark in the entire enormous basement. but at that point i was like i made it over here, i have my worms, i have my photo list, i have time before class, and what are the odds the elevator will be working again, ill just use my flashlight who cares. so i turned my flashlight on and started picking my way through to the tunnel entrance, except i stopped and made a detour to take pics in that little office room because i thought it would sorta look like the room where they found gertrude’s body and i could make a fun joke about it ANYWAY as i’m coming out of the office room i notice that the stairway door directly across from me is open, which is weird because they’re Never open because they don’t want us to go down there. so i was like, shit, maintenance and/or security are down here and my only way out is the super obvious elevator so ill just wait them out so i like turned my flashlight off and crouched behind a bunch of shit

anyway i just sort of huddled in the dark for a while and soon enough it became clear that no one was actually coming so i took advantage of my proximity to the ground to scatter some worms and take that first worm pic where im pointing. and then i was like okay, might as well get the tunnel bit over with. so the area of the basement where the mouth of the tunnel is is closed off with this big metal fence and there’s like a wire-mesh on the front with a huge padlock only years and years of horrible college students have managed to sort of beat the bottom half of the gate a few inches outwards + compromise its integrity enough that its easy to pull far enough open for someone else to slip through. however my problems today were 1) like i said ive only ever gone with a group before, meaning i’d always had someone to hold the gate open for me, and i had never attempted to get through without assistance before let alone back out and 2) the gate is RIGHT next to the stairs that i mentioned earlier were open when they usually never are. so i stood there for a minute like... okay, say i DO try to get through myself, and i get stuck. OR, say that happens and THEN whoever was working down here comes back and im stuck so i get caught and in trouble.

and then i was like actually fuck it we ball so i like. sort of just got down fully on the ground (which was gross btw do not recommend) and like rolled and twisted and pushed myself around until i wiggled through. that was the moment when i sort of started to accept just how much tunnel dirt i was gonna be covered in by the end but it was so far past too late to back out so i headed into the tunnel entrance. it gets TRULY dark like really really soon after you walk in also like i thought the basement outside was dark because the lights were off but the tunnels are like.... DARK. anyway i stopped halfway down the entry tunnel to try and set up the like “worm door outline” thing from after MAG39 and like initially i had thought that i could figure out an okay way to at least temporarily get them on the wall bc theyre made of latex and super light but it was quickly apparent that that would not be the case so i found a patch of the floor that looked smooth enough to be a wall and set it up on there instead. so i’m like. squatting on the floor in this very dark and kind of gross tunnel, and i have my phone laying on the ground next to me flashlight-side-up so i can see as well as use both hands to dig cold little latex worms out of a sandwich baggie and arrange them in a pattern on the ground and the flashlight was lighting up the tunnel in the most fucked up way and it was dead silent and the WHOLE time i was like, and this is the moment when like a maintenance worker turns the corner and finds me and is just like, hello??? theres some clown playing with worms in the tunnel????

anyway that did not happen and instead i got my little doorway set up and then it was time to take the first pic (of the worm door by itself without me in it) which was when i realized that when i open my camera app my phone forcibly turns the flashlight off so every time i wanted to take a picture in the tunnels i was gonna have to turn my light off and just like chill alone in the pitch dark in a tiny tunnel for however long it took me to take each photo and i was like hm okay wig i guess so i took the door pic and then it took me like four tries to get myself positioned right for the cringe ass fail worms one because, surprisingly, it is difficult to position yourself directly in the center of an archway of worms that you cannot see, and while i was doing all those failed tries i got to spend a lot of time laying splayed out on my back in the dark on the tunnel floor anyway i got it finally so i just sort of kicked the worms to the sides and kept going in further. to get to the pit you have to turn left at the first fork and then take a right and then theres this weird like step? thing? in the middle of the tunnel and if youre me you have to do a super awkward crabwalk limbo step thing to get over it because the pipes on the ceiling above it are hot and the step comes up to like 6 inches below the pipe but also i dont like to touch the top of the step because its gross. so its always a production. this time i think they had worked on that pipe recently or something because it was leaking so the step was wet and the pipe dripped hot water onto my neck while i was crawling under it LMAO

anyway from there its a straight shot and it opens out into this like larger room near the entrance to the engine room and the pit is right at the edge of where the dirt of the tunnel turns into the concrete of the room floor. and theyve like half-covered the top of it in wooden planks but theyre not held down so when you have to step on them just for a second to get out of the tunnel its so nervewracking. theres overhead lights in that room though so that was nice idk if i couldve managed the flashlight-camera-transition in the dark AND one-handed. so i took my from-above tunnel pic and then i was like (checks my photos list) “well...... i did say id get two from inside the pit.” i had actually never been in the pit before because the other two times i’ve gone to the tunnels i’ve been with other people and they would barely even let me get near it let alone get on the ladder. so i was like well i guess there is a first time for everything so i put my phone in my back pocket and ducked under the little yellow chain they have up and started going down the ladder and i got like 8? maybe 10? feet down before i thought to look down again and let me just say..... all the times we had looked into that pit from above we had never guessed anywhere CLOSE to how deep it actually was. thats all. so i was like.... um i was expecting to be able to like, stand on solid ground while i take this pit selfie, but that was clearly not going to be an option, but also i had committed this far already to getting these pics from the pit so i was like ugh i guess and hooked my one arm over the ladder so i could get my phone out w the other hand and take the pics from in there. and then i climbed back out. the ladder rungs made my hands SO gross and dirty with rust i was like eugh eugh.

but after that the only picture left to take was the one w my pen and the only way for me to go was back out towards the entrance so i was like its fine im almost done. so i went back out until i got to the tunnel after the first fork and i was like cool here’s a good a place as any so i got my pen ready + went to get my camera out, and literally RIGHT as the flashlight went out and the camera app opened i was like SO sure i saw something move vaguely in the darkness to my right like REALLY close to me shoulder height so i was like uhhh no and took a flash photo more out of reflex than anything and i didnt see anything but also the flash lit up for like, one second and then it was dark again so i like switched back to the flashlight really quick and obviously it was just a normal tunnel and i was the only one there so i opened the camera app again to try to take the pic again and literally just like the first time right as the flashlight turned off i was soooo sure something moved right next to me like so close but i was like “nell. youre being insane.” so i didnt do anything and i just took like three more possible variations on the pic i wanted and then i turned my flashlight back on and once again obviously nothing was amiss so i was like epic win and went back out the tunnel entrance. and then i was like............. oh god i have to do the gate squirm again. but there was no other way so i just did it really fast before i could really get worked up about it lol and then i went back over to the freight elevator only when i pressed the button it would light up and then immediately go dark when i unpressed it and i was like oh fuck because 90% of the time when you get in on the ground floor this elevator literally refuses to take you to the basement and i was like oh no it re-locked while i was down here and now i can’t get up this way so im just like in this basement for the foreseeable future but then of course as i was going down that tangent the elevator doors opened and i stepped into the fluorescent light and looked down and was like wow i am just so thoroughly, completely, orangely covered in dirt. but i made it home with like 5 minutes to wash up a bit before my evening class so that was a win! i did learn however that i should never take my evening dose of adderall directly after a bit of minor breaking&entering while the adrenaline is still there because when i got to class i almost jackhammered a hole through the floor with my shakyleg

#tired and still probably quite dirty if im being honest but Satisfied with the Outcome #also i had a lot of fun during + especially afterwards when i got to actually use the pics i took

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