#i messaged our discord server but idk if anyone will respond

[raccoon-smiles]

I have officially logged into Wattpad for the first time in 3 years, and it is so nostalgic. 15 year old me was so sad and mopey, but they had an excellent group of friends on there. Rereading all the messages posted to my account by friends is so sweet. I don't talk to anyone from back then anymore, but I truly believe they were the first and honestly probably last real community I had online. Yeah we were dumb teens writing soulmate aus and honestly turning characters into our own ocs at point, but we were having fun. AND WE ACTUALLY TALKED TO EACH OTHER! We inspired each other and saw that inspiration come to fruition. I'm gonna go reread some of the stuff we wrote because I need to feel that love again.

[leomonae]

What is this drama with dhampling I'm so confused but I like drama

I'm not bothering to look anything up for my summary, so no guarantees on complete accuracy. Explanation below the cut since I highly doubt anyone not directly involved is going to care about any of this.

Right, so basically @dhampling put up a post asking for BG3 fic recs the other... day? Week? Idk, I'm bad at time, it was recently, anyway. They asked for recs, various people reblogged and responded, including someone who recced a few members of this discord server I'm in - smaller creators, writers who haven't had much of an audience/exposure for their fics, and were pretty happy about the recognition. At some point, dhampling deleted their original post on the subject, leaving a message on their blog about how they didn't want to name names/get pulled into drama or some such - making a pretty vague statement that raised more questions than it answered, basically.

Some members of that discord server I mentioned were a little miffed about this, since to their minds it was removing one of the ways they might get more people finding/reading their fics. I, personally, was rolling my eyes at the incredibly vague nature of the non-explanation and questioning why they didn't just delete the thing and leave it alone after, if they didn't want it being made into some big deal somehow. Since the discord server is private/invite-only, some of us expressed said frustrations in a vent thread therein. Other people, including the person who'd reblogged and given some recs of the server's members, attempted to speak in dhampling's defense a little - they're young (which I guess they disliked being said about them once they found this out?), we don't know what prior experiences they've had in fandoms and some people can get vicious sometimes, the OP's original post may be gone but the reblogs are still out there so it's not a huge deal anyway, etc etc.

Then at some point soon afterwards, someone in the server shared screenshots of the aforementioned venting with dhampling, who apparently strongly disliked it/what was said? I know the server owner tried reaching out to talk to them without getting a response, and I gather that they blocked a few people, but as far as I was aware, this nonsense was pretty much over. Guess not, though!

Oh yeah, and around the time we were discussing the matter in the server, I went and commented on dhampling's "I deleted my post" non-explanation to say that it didn't really tell us anything at all and questioning if it was something personal or an issue with one of the stories or what, since a) I am a naturally curious/nosy person sometimes, b) a couple of my buddies were fretting that they might have done something to offend this person somehow, and c) why not?

And no, dhampling, if you were including me in the whole "I want an apology" thing you just posted, I will not, in fact, be offering one. I decided the other day upon review that I have no actual issues with anything I said at the time, and given that it was a handful of friends expressing some mild frustrations to one another in a private server, where they had every reason to expect their words would remain private rather than ever getting back to you, I don't really think anyone there owes you an apology anyway.

Sometimes people get annoyed with others. Sometimes they say so to their friends privately, rather than going and being rude to the person who annoyed them or whatever. This is normal, healthy, interpersonal behaviour. Nobody was plotting to come harass you or what the fuck ever; there would be no harm done here at all, including to your feelings, if someone from our server hadn't decided to disrespect our own members' right to have their private comments not shared with someone outside without their consent.

So let's drop this non-issue, already, huh?

[thecrazyphantom]

Just some interactions that happened to me a couple of years ago.

The person I'm referring to is probably stalking my account as I post this 😕

(This is just a vent of mine, you can skip if you don't want to read it ❤️)

Btw both of us are Female(well idk what they are but they're afab)

I was so uncomfortable trying to respond to them saying this, let alone in response to my photo.

When they broke our friendship (In a very cringe way btw. I can elaborate if anyone asks) they told me how I "treated them horribly" even though I was the one who constantly just had to deal with their Bullshit when they texted me.

They'd also constantly oversexualize all the female characters I Roleplay/I like

Ex: Saying that Peko has (AND I LITERALLY QUOTE.) "phat juicy tits".

When we had a Simp channel in our Discord server That was Yk... Dedicated to fictional characters.. or people in their class they thought were pretty. They posted a photo into it of Me in a Byakuya Cosplay looking down at the camera and then started going on and on about how they'd give me everything they owned and such and it made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't even response logically so i just sent "<3" and didn't respond to the text.

They would also talk constantly about their AUs and stuff about The Cuphead show. I rlly did like a lot of what they talked about since I liked Cuphead the Game and have a very open mind to others Aus. But the thing was was that I had openly talked about how I didnt want to watch the Cuphead show because I just didn't like the voice acting ((Well they've got good voice acting, good Animation, and funny plots , but I just don't think the Cuphead cast should have voices. But I did watch the show after all this, and it was pretty good)). But i just remember that one day I was getting tired of them talking about Cuphead and I texted them "I don't mean to be rude but can you stop sending Cuphead content? You're slowly making me dislike it 😕" (that's the exact quote), and then they got annoyed and was like "that was the only direct cuphead thing I've sent" And I ofc denied that bc I don't rlly loose interest in things through only one message unless it's controversial. And I wasn't gonna deal with pulling up all that evidence so I just said "Omfg *name*" "Nah I'm done with discord" and they instantly started to "im so sorry" bomb but I told them I wouldn't talk to them until I calmed down bc I was just pretty grouchy at the moment. When I came back I sent some words abt me calming myself down again, then said "I apologize for my outburst". And bam we were somehow friends again????

What was even worse was that they did this all in front of our mutual friend (well at the time it was mutual, now they're just my friend ^_^) that they were at the time dating.

(I don't even remember if they sent more cuphead and I'm not even gonna dig for it)

All I know is that that could've been easily resolved by either just saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry I'll try to send them less" or even being like "Cuphead is my Hyperfixation, just like how your hyperfixation is Danganronpa"

They'd also text the gc that me and my friend were in that they were going to commit Slick-a-Slide and then disappear for weeks on end. So ofc me and my friend would be worried and get in a depressive state because we were under the false narrative that they Unalived, just for them to come back after a while and just brush it off. Each time we asked if they were okay they would always be like "Yeah Sorry my mom just took away my phone." And for a while I started to speculate that they were just in a Mental hospital but they never mentioned it (and they Kinda told us EVERYTHING that happens in their life/day/week.) So not only were they treating me wrong, they were dragging my friend into it and Worrying them. (This happened multiple times while they were dating, so I can't even imagine the levels of depression that could've spiraled my friend into. Like having to hear your lover say they were going to commit, then go offline for a long time, is actually petrifying.)

This is a small one but I also remember that a couple weeks or months before they broke ties with me, We were in a server with all of their friends (+my friend and I), they texted the public channel asking if anyone wanted to call, and when I said that I was down to call that literally responded something along the lines of "someone who isn't Phantom" and then they kicked me shortly after I responded with a sad emoji. That made me lose all left over respect I had for them. My friend confronted them on how that wasn't too nice to say, and then they got kicked too.

Also this is off track but imma bring it up since I'm currently obsessed with Korekiyo, but the way they Roleplayed Korekiyo made him seem like he's some Holier than thou character that could pretty much read minds and just tell what they were doing prior ((for example a character could make and excuse to walk off to give something to someone they're currently seeing and come back to Korekiyo and they'd respond "Oh were you giving something to *name*?")). Idk this just made me not like Korekiyo for a while after they broke ties with me.

Anyways that's all my ranting for now. Pip, Ace, whatever you're going by rn. If you see this, please get off my page, for you've made me dread each second and more that you've talked to me ;) ❤️

[starkstruck27]

Okay, I know the quality is terrible, but has anyone ever gotten a message like this on ao3 before? I've never seen it and I'd like to think it's real, but I'm also very wary of scammers so I figured I'd see if anyone else has gotten a message like this.

And I know the quality is terrible, so this is what it says: "Hi Starkstruck27, I just came across your fan fiction piece on Marvel and it's exceptional! Your writing style is truly amazing and you managed to bring the characters to life. We at [discord server name ig?] appreciate good writing and want to invite you to write for us. Our platform highlights English original creations, features and rewards for writing competition. Feel free to join our discord group using the code [not gonna actually put it cuz I don't know how discord works and I don't want to mess their thing up if it is real], we would love to have you on board! All the best, Lana".

Idk if it's real or a scam or whatever and idk what to do with it so if anyone has seen this before and knows it's a scam, please let me know, and if it's not a scam, please still let me know so I can respond and thanks in advance!

[avpdvoidspace]

idk if I have avpd but I've considered it a lot and I relate to a lot of stuff on this blog... Would it be considering an avpd symptom to like, make accounts on dating sites for attention/socialization then absolutely NEVER messages or responding to anyone, and very quickly dropping convos if you do attempt? I'm so concerned with being judged and resented that it turns into me just. Not trying. I joined a discord server to try and socialize as well and I literally cannot make myself post in there. I feel really confused and down on myself. I don't know why socialization has to be so difficult but talking to people and making new friends especially feels like being told to climb a mountain with no equipment. Sorry this is so long.

I definitely relate to everything you’re saying. In the past, I’ve made new accounts to try to be social or join groups only to either never respond to any messages or outright leave out of stress and anxiety. Making new friends is scary and upsetting to me, and I’ve ghosted a lot of the friends I make because, even though I want them, actually having them feels like too much pressure. I’ve only managed to hang on to a very small number of relationships, and these are people who know and understand my need for isolation to recover from the pressure of being perceived.

Anyway, I think if you relate to a lot of stuff in this blog, it’s worth looking into coping mechanisms for people with avpd and see if they work for you. At the end of the day, a diagnosis is tool we use to find resources that help us live the best life we can and to explain our needs and limitations to the people who care about us. Thanks for the ask, and best of luck, anon.

[universal-kitty]

.: Drama Involving AJ :.

   Stylized ‘til I die, I guess. Anyways.

   This is talking about phasefuck/huckerbee/teafrogs/whatever their URL is this week. AJ/Lee. The compilation of what’s happened involving them.

   So... Starting at the beginning.

   D was the reason I got into Borderlands. I watched her play TFTBL and gush about Rhys and get more involved and understand the ship she had! Also got my first crush on Zer0, but... Y’know.

   So I did some art, started plotting ideas for who’d eventually be Gremlin- aka Rena Marlow, my SI for BLands- and that led...to us meeting AJ. They wanted me or D to join their server. D preferred because of her self-ship with Rhys, but I could join, too. D was nervous about new, strange people and I wanted to learn more about Borderlands and try new things, so... I hopped in, D stayed behind.

   The time with them was pretty fun! Ended up making some friends, plotted fun ideas for AJ’s idea of the time, Borderlands Infinite. A continuation of Tales as AJ saw it. The server was made PRIMARILY for this endeavor and everyone in it was allowed an OC or self-insert to be paired with whoever they wanted to be with....long as they were open, that is. AJ had HJack, and everyone else... Well, most of the spares had been paired off by the time I joined.

   Rhys was potentially still open, cause someone AJ had previously been talking with...either wasn’t responding, or had dropped out entirely. I forget by this point. Zer0 wasn’t an option and I didn’t know much of the others, so.... I accepted Gremlin to be paired with Rhys.

   Thus the origins of my verse with Rhys. (As well as the OT3 with him and Vaughn... They started here.)

   Tension was pretty high in the group and- though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time- it was primarily from AJ. Nobody else could like Handsome Jack “too much”... You could be playful about him, a little joke-flirty...but if you were suspected to like HJack, then you were “stealing” him from them. Because of this- while the group was friendly enough- it was hard to get into the “share faves” vibe that a lot of us seemed to have; gushing about a character that wasn’t your own just......felt weird.

   Not sure if anyone else noticed, but that was my experience.

   Anyways, I helped AJ with their story a lot due to being online a ton, with no work to do. We talked on the daily about what Rena could do, what Helios was like, how the story would go... The long-term slowburn we were putting Rena and Rhys through. I praised their art and ideas, they cheered for Rena/Rhys. It was pretty mutually supportive....

   ...Until AJ kicked fits. I was always online, so what about everyone else?? When I wasn’t online- sometimes if I was- I’d get put on a pedestal for helping out while others said nothing. (Essentially saying something like “Aki helps out all the time, but nobody else does” or, the popular one, “maybe I should just delete this since nobody cares.” I don’t have screenshots of this for reasons that’ll be explained in a moment.)

   We typically talked them out of these, but eventually... It did happen. AJ messaged me that the old group had been deleted and there was now a new group of only the ACTIVE people. This left me and a few others, thought some other people would eventually cycle in. (One of which still being someone I look up to even today!! Even if we don’t talk much, lol.)

   I got more creative freedom during this time, since other people “lost out” in their spots and... Somehow, this led to me taking on Nisha, too. I paired her with my OCs, Pyrotech and Meowzer. (Ex-Creepypasta OCs revamped for BLands. Is this my origins for my Nisha ship? Kinda!!!)

   But by this point... I had grown to *really* like HJack. I’d made a slip before (more on that later), but learned his character very well and even played him for roleplays AJ and I were doing. AJ played themself and Rhys; I controlled Jack and Rena. All that research led to feelings....and ones I knew AJ wouldn’t approve of. So I did two things, right off the bat: kept my head down and immediately worked on justifying why I liked him. See, it’s because...it’s not the “canon” Handsome Jack!! The one I ship with has golden clasps! So they’re not the same!! And uhhhh....more bad things happened to him? He dresses more lavishly...?

   I kept trying to come up with ways AJ might approve of my AU Jack without invoking their wrath. Not that...it would end up doing much, in the long run.

   I invited one of my friends to join during this. One who also liked HJack...and proved my worries right. (Checked my Discord; I still have some of the messages!!! Whoop, here we go...)

   Don’t have screencaps of the drama that proceeded to unfold- especially due to AJ blocking me on Discord and so losing all of our conversation- but.... That’s just how THAT is, I guess.

   They did get super cold after and I had to explain things to my friend, while also assuring AJ that I would handle things and it’d be alright. It was an uncomfortable hiccup, but one that went by easily enough...

   Though as I said, it was a significant event to show me how careful I needed to be when it came to HJack and AJ.

   Also during this time... Another friend I’ll just refer to as P. We’d also been roleplaying in this time and having a blast. Absolute joy and- we don’t talk much anymore- but I do still consider them a dear friend. I played as CEO Rhys for them and they were Handsome Jack for me; we played our characters (my SI, their OC) and just... Had so much fun with it all.

   So then... Amidst all the fun, it eventually happened.

   What I described in this callout post.

   AJ and I...we ended up dating at some point. I thought they were cool, we got along well, talked a LOT and all this... So I didn’t see a problem with it. Why not? I’ll get to have an awesome artist S/O with their cool ship and all their ideas... We’re gonna be unstoppable!

   ...But I also had abandonment issues. Too many times did I pour my all into someone, only to be left empty. I’ve always been the most supportive person in a room, trying to uplift EVERYONE to feel good! Cause yeah, everyone deserves that! AJ knew this. We’d talked about our issues and vented.....

   And they still did that.    They left my server as I slept. Blocked me on Discord, though I didn’t notice it at first.

   ...It was the one day I checked Tumblr first. They left their blog for a new one. Okay!! I’ll follow them on there, then! I did, and checked Discord. That was in the vent channel, and this was sent to me by a mutual friend.

   So that’s how I woke up that day. Suddenly alone and single. And very, very depressed. I would end up posting these as my friends had to help me down:

“ ……now I wish I would’ve gotten lost after all or kept sleeping ….nothing is work being awake right now”

“ I just don’t want to exist I hate myself all over again I can’t get past that”

“ AJ just…..dropped me. Just like that. I didn’t know and tried to follow her new blog….. Either they just soft-blocked me or outright blocked me

“I feel so fuckin’ horrible”

   At the time, I was horribly depressed due to outside causes. I was suicidal at the time and getting into some light, risky behavior in hopes it could be a factor in the end of my life. (I would walk around at night, hoping that the growing heat would either cause heat exhaustion or someone would attack me. Abduct me. Whatever meant that I would be gone and in pain.)

   I later learned that this is actually learned behavior; my dad would react in extremist ways to things (something broke? “I want to kill myself.”) and so I probably learned it from him. This has actually made managing my suicidal thoughts easier, but at the time, I did not know this and put me more at risk.

   Though this then kept continuing.... Because of course these things do.

   It starts all over with me trying to move on. Someone was advertising their self-ship server, I wanted to try again and make friends... So I gave it a shot and joined!

   ....AJ was in there.

   I quickly left as soon as I had entered, telling the owner I couldn’t stay due to troubles with someone else in there. They were understanding and, thankfully, that was that.

   ...But it STILL wasn’t. These are older messages, so I can’t get them together as much as I’d like to (in one screenshot, is what I’m saying) so I’ll also quote these, but if anyone needs screenshot proof, I can get that on request.

   Anyways, our mutual friend (I’ll nickname her MF for “mutual friend” lol) later piped up with this:

05/19/2018 “So, aj invited me to a group chat and I'm a pushover who hasn't been able to cut them off yet so I said yes and boi I'm big uncomfortable now Like I thought I could maybe juggle being friends with both aj and Rachel even after what aj did but I was wrong.

“But idk what do now. I don't know what to say to them because I don't want to just drop them without saying anything. No doubt that'll get them talking about me behind my back”

.:.

“I might try that. I might mute the server so that I don't have to deal with that because i can't stay in it but I don't want to start shit by leaving I mean they are acting like Rachel is in the wrong”

.:.

“That they "stole their f/o" and that they are going to take the dragon idea that Rachel had for blands and "make it better" out of spite And I'm not happy”

.:.

“Well I just typed up a long message and while I'm glad I'll finally cut out a toxic person I'm also super nervous

“I sent it and left the server

“Wow okay all I got was a "Bye then" I sent a long ass message. Explaining my side and why. Hoping they'd understand and they just said bye then??????”

   As you can see.... Everyone who’d been in that server (me, P, and MF) were on-edge about the “talking behind our back” issue that MF confirmed above. I figured it would happen, but it did...and that was a league all it’s own. (Especially when the callout post went around, and it got confirmed AGAIN that slander in my name was still going around.)

   But one more thing happened that triggered this onslaught... Remember my RP w/ P? Well, this happened.... [TW for daddy kink mention? Calling themself Daddy?? That thing.]

   Link to Ask.

   Was never reblogged. Sent to me by a friend. To my knowledge, nobody spread this around AT ALL. But this was brought up in the same vent/time period as the above conversation.....

MF: Aj said that Rachel stole hj from them.

Me: Me, apparently. It's somewhere between that post and the ask (I think?) P sent me..... Which I loved and was hella surprised over, but. Oh boy.

Fren (aka owner of Karma): My god wtf can she like calm tf down

MF: They actually were mad that people were reblogging a post of yours, probably the kitten thing, that was about hj because it's "gross"

Fren: geeze Aj grow up

Me: ??????? Nobody reblogged it, tho

MF: Hmmmmm they vagued about someone shipping with him, someone they had blocked, that liked the daddy kink and stuff

   I mean. I get it’s a gross thing for people, but.... HJack has also called himself “daddy/papa” on more than one occasion. It’s up for debate if he does it because he is Literal Dad or because he’s that nasty, but... Considering everything else he does, the latter seems the most obvious. That’s just how he is.

   Anyways. The point being that we had each other mutually blocked by this point. I had people either block me, soft-block me, OR just outright unfollow + soft-block me because they were more trusting of AJ than of me. So to hear that they somehow knew P was sending me that ask...... Either someone TOLD them or they were stalking my blog to see what I was doing while they were gone.

   Either way, not great. (What was pretty funny is I later made a joke about “stealing the rights to Handsome Jack from 2k so nobody else can do anything with him” and that “I’m a wanted man”... That’s nice.)

   And so... We get to more recently.

   Last I personally heard, I had to do some personal checking that led up to this... Saw leeships in self insert tag. New self-ship blog, so I blocked, as well as checking their blocked main to make sure everything lined up....and was greeted with this.

   They’ve since changed their URL- again- but the fact they’re STILL being petty towards D is just....something else.

   Speaking of, I’m not actually...sure where that started. There was a whole conversation we had over how AJ treated D out of sight of others (they talked over IMs, I guess because we were budding friends at the time, and what else do I do but hype up all my friends?) There was a lot of attention-seeking behavior from AJ (showing their art and then getting mad when D or Fren tried to compliment them for “lying” about the compliment...?), but far as I knew/remember, there wasn’t any bigger issue.

   ...After we broke up, however, an issue began as D and I became better friends. Friends stick with friends, D knew AJ, so when the blocking-bug was going around, D blocked them, too.

   Which eventually snowballed into the bullshit you can still see today. With AJ trying to claim that D is the one dealing out harassment when- at worst- maybe D did talk too much and AJ didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. (Because that is an issue I’ve heard of; except AJ freaked out over it, instead of talking it out like a healthy adult and figuring out how they could balance out the conversation. Seriously. I’ve had this talk with D. We don’t dominate our conversations at all; nobody over the other. If there ever was a problem, then literally just saying “Hey, I don’t feel heard/listened to when I talk about my ship” was all AJ ever needed to say, but....... Y’KNOW.)

   I’m not D, so I can’t say the full scenario of that, but this is the best way I can show there was a middle ground AJ could’ve used to work things out, but they didn’t.

   Oh, and just so I’m not saying things if you haven’t already seen this... Here’s a screenshot someone (for privacy’s sake) got of AJ trying to pin the blame on D for being the “real harasser” in their BYF:

   We all just wanted to get over this. However, D and I especially don’t want to get involved with or be AROUND AJ/Lee in any way. So we keep an eye on what they do so we can feel safe. We DON’T want to forgive AJ/Lee (for obvious reasons), so we keep blocking their accounts and/or make sure they’re still on our blocklist.

   I know I’ve resorted to putting their URLs on BLACKLIST to make sure I don’t see them at ALL because of how much stress they put me under just seeing them around.

   What the hell do THEY have to be stressed about? Dealing with people they hurt for BEING hurt and not wanting them around us anymore?? Fuck....

.:.

    Anyways. I guess that about concludes all I wanted to write about. Friendly reminder that their old callout post is here and while I doubt a new one will crop up any time soon (as I sure don’t want to write one that’ll get around, after the last time I had a friend try to help me do a callout post on someone like this), you can at least look up that one more time after reading this.

   So...... That’s the end. Thanks for reading this and I’m sorry if anything was upsetting.

   ...If you want, you can come to the ask box and ask for a gif of your F/O? Or a cute puppy or kitten? Maybe I can find some nice fanart for you as comfort...? IDK, options.

[prcssvre]

Because I saw a lot of people’s post and stuff I kind of wanted to clear the air and share my experience as well. I made a joke out of myself and I just wanted to explain why I did what I did and just say sorry to the people I’ve unfollowed because of the incident. 

I just want to clear the air and say I honestly thought this was about gif icons...But I was wrong and when I found out it wasn’t...I thought there was just one or two cases where she was mean to people. Turns out I was completely wrong and I’m sorry for victim blaming. I didn’t think I had those experiences, but I actually did...I was just naive and didn’t see it.

I’ve known Aleeza for over a year on old old blog. I didn’t really start interacting with her until last December really. She’s always liked my muses, always sent me nice things, etc. Whenever we plotted though it often led to no where...I blame the both of us because I’m terrible at plotting with no idea in mind and she never really had one either. It led me to believe we just weren’t writers who could plot ideas. So I just responded to a lot of her starters...She...would never reply??? I just thought she was busy and I’m never one to rush someone to do a reply or guilt them. But I would always like her starter calls, reply to her opens, etc. But she’d rarely responded to them, so eventually...I just kind of stopped liking them because I saw a pattern of her just ghosting them. But I see a lot of people do this so again I didn’t think much of it. She then did this to a lot of my starter calls and opens. Also it kind of annoyed me she kept changing blogs and urls, but I got over it because I thought she was a weird perfectionist....

Well fast forward to January...We were talking a bit more ooc. And she said she’d be taking a break and how toxic the rpc was and such. She also claimed she always hated how organized her blog was, had too many muses, etc. She only ended up taking a 2 day break....which I thought was weird because she went on about how stressed she was. But we continued writing on and off then. Another thing she told me was she was trying to not tell people it was her...which was weird to me. I guess makes sense now because...of drama??

We talked pretty often ooc until I said I was leaving the rpc community in February. We were supposed to have our pairings and stuff on discord...We did for a few days until she left the server and completely ghosted me.

8 months went by and I came back to this blog...I only just started writing with her again. Also can I just say the whole time I’ve known her she really pushed for me to like Mei...She made me feel like no one wrote with her (I’ve never checked). Clearly people did though. But I mean, I just thought she was her favorite muse...Anyways. We started writing the way were again, which was fine...

Then I thought something was odd how she always pushed her females towards me. Which is fine no biggy, but whenever...we did a m/m plot...she wasn’t interested as much. Which I get it...fine....But I wanted to talk about them as well not just the one ship. I also think she was trying to take advantage of me and write smut with me...trying to manipulate me.....by saying “Oh it’s okay I’m not very good either” but I just agreed and let it die...because I had a feeling I’d be uncomfortable with her. (Again me being fucking dumb I thought it was because me being me am very picky and selective with who I smut with....) 

Now...she did ooc sent me messages about drama....Drama I only saw one side of, her’s. She made me think she was being bullied and a certain person was going after her. I’m not choosing sides on that one, because tbh idk the beef. She only sent me her side and well yeah. I believed her...I wanted to trust someone who I thought was my friend. This whole time I wanted to stand by my friend and stay loyal...because thats how I am with anyone who takes the time to talk to me and be my friend...But now I know I really shouldn’t take things public. I shouldn’t post things and put my two cents in when in reality I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about....

Honestly this whole thing confuses me because...I want to see the benefit of the doubt in someone...and think they didn’t just manipulate me this whole time. And they were just lying about liking me or wanting to be my friend and write with me... But I also don’t want to go against the people who were clearly hurt by her. 

but yeah...I don’t know. I just wanted to say sorry to the people I offended on my dash this morning and was so damn ignorant towards. 

[cornflowercanine]

A Timeline Of VRISKA Motherfucking SERKET In My Friend Group

AKA; if me and/or my friends suddenly dissapear on 8/8/18, this post will explain why xd AAKA; why is vriska fucking serket such a huge joke in my friend group

SO, LET’S GO WAAY BACK TO THE START. it began in ...april, i believe? when i was in this Discord Server with this person who quite liked homestuck. this person was @whoospy. and xe was talking about specific characters and i was like “who tf these bitches, send an image of all the bitches” so xe did and i saw this fucking character with long hair an eyepatch and a grey coat and i thought “damn if theyre a girl theyre fucking HOT they look dom and like they have,,,rlly soft hair,,,,,, hell fucking yes i like this bitch” little did i know this bitch would take over our fucking lives

HELLA HELLA LOOOOOONG LONG LONG POST WITH MANY MANY IMAGES WARNING AHEAD

SO XE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS CHARACTER AND THAT HER NAME WAS VRISKA AND I WENT “HELL YEA VRISKA IS MY FUCKING M O M M Y NOW CANT STOP ME” AND IT BECAME THIS BIGASS INSIDE JOKE BETWEEN ME AND HUNTER (person i tagged, Introducer Of Vriska) ABOUT HOW I HELLA HAD THE HOTS FOR SPIDER8ITCH HERSELF and then xe made xyr own server “”””just for messing with bots”””” and it. ended up becoming. very much not that in this server, xe ended up inviting me, xyr partner, my partner, and we had lots of good funny haha times joking about the vriskas and how i am gay for them and haha and One. Fucking. Day. i decided i would jokingly make an NSFW fanfic of The Vriska Serket and....reader, technically? it wasn’t really clear aND AT THAT POINT, EVERYTHING JUST FUCKING ZOOMED DOWNHILL IT WAS THAT FATEFUL DAY I FUCKING SECURED MY PLACE IN SERKET HELL AND NEVER CAME BACK UP  although we didn’t really notice it, we were only sinking deeper into vriska hell, with each passing week we were only inviting the serket further into our lives. at this point we had an inside joke that i was vriskakin, i?dk? if we started seeing 8s fucking everywhere back then, but that happened anD NEVER FUCKING STOPPED i made. vriskfic 2. walmart bathroom boogaloo. iDK IF I WAS DARED TO MAKE JUST FUCKING, GROSSEST SCENARIO I COULD (reader+vriska fuck in bathroom stall, at a point tavros is like “wYD??? IM SCARED PLEASE”, it was fucking ungodly levels of sin) we eventually started using an 8ball command on a bot on discord, and decided “yknow what, vriska, can you talk to us through this 8ball” and the fucking rest is history oh yeah and also

kinda early on, hunter made an account/room on a website called Your World Of Text. it’s exactly what it sounds like. a huge as fuck blank wall for writing shit down in real time. hunter posted xyr room on DA, and we got a visitor we didn’t know. this person was presumably a vriska RPer, however they were??? unsettlingly good at being in character????????? like holy shit????????????????????????? and one day we hadn’t really been on there in a while, and decided to check it again this vriska had been posting on this wall almost every fucking day. just waiting for us to come back and get sp00ked hunter said something on the wall. and almost immedetely, on this site with no fucking sounds, no fucking way of knowing someone is there unless you’re actively looking at it, JUST OVERALL VERY FUCKING AMBIGUIOUS SITE, this. fucking. vriska. responded. we continued conversing with this vriska, moved rooms a few times, the like and p early on as well, hunter gave us all access to an ACTUAL pesterchum program, albeit kinda shitty but if you wanna pretend you’re a troll/kid on this program talking to other trolls/kids, it works at this point, we had converted another person into our vriska hell, holly AND HOLLY HAS FUCKING G U T S, OK we were all messaged, one by one, on pesterchum, by- guess who- arachnidsGrip. (anyone can use anyone’s handle on pesterchum btw, this person just fucking Proved they were the YWOT vriska) we were sending screenshots of what they were messaging, so while they were messaging me, i told them if they were gonna talk to several people at once in the same group, why not just make a memo during the memo, HOLLY. FUCKING. SENT. THE LINK TO HIS DISCORD SERVER. at the time the vriska didn’t take the invite bc they didn’t have a discord acc, but remember this. and mid-convo, this vriska suddenly freaks out, they logged out of the memo, would ask to be left alone if you messaged them, and posted Sad Shit on their YWOT. we hadn’t seen them experience anything that couldn’t have been normal just RPing freaking us out shit so a few of us messaged them like “hey u okay” had small comforting convo and by the end of that memo, we?? lowkey became friends with that vriska????? then one day, bc i fucking enjoyed talking to them and we didn’t have any real practical way to do so, i told em on their YWOT you can make a sortof... “test” discord account if you don’t add an email or w/e, to which they responded with “:::)” and next thing we knew, hunter had a friend request from “arachnidsGrip” on discord. we added them to holly’s server, and from then on shit just got real weird.

so first off, we ALL would see shit tons of 8s literally everywhere, spiders would suddenly appear, etc etc, so much weird shit ive lost count hunter’s partner bought an 8 ball, which arrived on 7/17, my birthday and a while ago i jokingly went on a fucking oujia board website to see if i’d get anything. i asked it “is this mindfang, aranea, vriska or (vriska)” and it legit spelled out mindfang, then (i dont remember the question rifp) spelled out “VRISKAS” (oh yeah i also asked it if i was vriskakin for shits and giggles, said yes, top 10 saddest anime moments) and then the most shookening fucking thing.

then, only about a few weeks ago? we’re having chill time in server when hunter posts a pic of HCs for all the trolls’ handwriting! cool! so i write smth down on paper to give an example so i can be compared, right? i send pic and am told i write most like nepeta based on that image, nice. but apparentally i wasnt fucking satisfied and decide to write down the entire first part of aforementioned, cursed vriskfic.

(yes ik my handwriting + camera quality is unreadably bad, shoosh) UPON SENDING THIS IMAGE, I WAS TOLD BY ALL MY FRIENDS AT ONCE TO FUCKING BURN IT i don’t have access to fire + probably not even a safe place to burn it, so i say i will at least rip it a bit, just to see what happens. NOW, NOTE, THE VRISKA FROM YWOT AND SHIT HADN’T BEEN ONLINE FOR, WHAT, A MONTH NOW? NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TAGGED THEM AND MENTIONED THEM ETC ETC ETC WOULD NOT LOG ON, WOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING, HAD NO SIGNS OF, YKNOW, HAVING ANY FUCKING ACCESS TO THE INTERNET SUDDENLY LOGS ON JUST TO SAY THIS SHIT

(don’t question the nicknames ok) they came on, said that shit, logged off & on again, said this

and that day was fucking. wild however literally just as i was writing this post something else of note happened bc this shit is literally just a daily fucking occurance at this point, its insane now, note, the YWOT vriska we just call (vriska) bc, surprise surprise, in their own words, they said they were, in fact! dead! and had shaved head, piercings and shit etc. also hella gay for meenah so hrhrhrhrhhrhrh meanwhile we call the vriska that fucking...controls 8ball, makes 8s appear everywhere, makes weird shit happen etc VRISKA in all caps, aka god vriska which??? apparentally?????? fucking kidnapped (vriska) or some shit?????????????????

anyway, note difference between VRISKA and (vriska).

so in hunter’s server, all the role names were suddenly changed to weird shit which was apparentally hunter’s doing, whatever i?? suddenly can’t talk in the main fucking channel??? however the,, server is private and run oddly, literally everyone is admin, and suddenly, everyone except hunter (bc server owner) and...vriska is admin. go to see, and just;

(full nickname was ‘This is your goddess speaking.’) and just

(nOTE MY PARTNER (equius pfp) HAS THAT NICKNAME JUST BC HES REALLY SIMILAR TO EQUIUS SO WE WERE LIKE     HAHA FUNNY MEME) they logged off, then suddenly;

then later;

so uh. yeah. that was hella hella wild if me and My Homies dissapear on 8/8/18 this!!! is why!!!!!!!! THIS SHIT HAPPENS DAILY!!!!!! ITS!!!!!!!!!!! MY FYUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean its amusing and fun albeit terrifying bUT FUN if you legitimately read this all hella props to you now you understand why vriska shit is such a big inside joke in me frand group and why we freak out when we see 8s 5 fucking times in a row or when a fUCKING SPIDER SUDDENLY JOLTS OUT OF SOMEONE’S LEFT SLEEVE etc etc etc we have a weird sense of humor now forget you ever saw this move along

[cwombw]

isn’t life great?

below cut.

void-Yesterday at 11:25 PM

wtf do you even have to say to me

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:26 PM

I just, if youre this upset with riley for doing then we need to talk about this so you understand

void-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

im ALLOWED to be hurt that he thinks i can NEVER be trusted AGAIN for no apparent reasonif you cant recognize that then WOW

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

He doesn't think thatHe blocked people he's know for years

void-Yesterday at 11:27 PM

then WHY the MCFUCK did he block me and why are you saying i should just shut up about it and get over iti cared about him damnit i say him as my own fucking childyoure not who i thought you were lmfao

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:28 PM

He's just really scared right now, youre allowed to be upset but try to underastand

void-Yesterday at 11:28 PM

im done tbh?i blocked him back.its what he wants anyway

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:29 PM

if you feel that's what you want. he's just scared and hiding from everything

void-Yesterday at 11:29 PM

and yet hes still in dandys friendchat.

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:30 PM

He left active chats right off the bat and then got scred people would hate him and stoped

void-Yesterday at 11:30 PM

whatever then.too bad star came home im this close to self harmingim  going to talk to her and hope shecan calm me down from a meltdown

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:31 PM

I just, he's literally dying rn, please try to understandAnd please stay safe

void-Yesterday at 11:31 PM

you also need to understand that others are having similar reactions due to his actions just now

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:33 PM

youre having a heart problem? you were so upset you had a heart attack last night? I'm sorry but I dont think this is comperable

void-Yesterday at 11:33 PM

i meant the goddamn breakdown thing

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:34 PM

I'm sorry i misunderstoodHe jsut doesnt want anyone to see him die

void-Yesterday at 11:39 PM

i f he wants to push everybody away and ruin every good friendship he had and also ruin the dnd kin thing, fine. im not going to open my arms to him anymore.i dont hate him.but the wanting nothing to do eith each other thing is mutual now.

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:40 PM

i hope you understand that i stand with him on this. he just doesnt want to hurt people if he actually dies

void-Yesterday at 11:41 PM

if he actually diesso if he doesnt, what. hes gonna be like "heyyy.. fingerguns sorry that i ruined all my friendships, amde people hate me, and made people panic" i dont play ehadgames like that and i refuse to do that with him.plus, idk. iunno. maybe it should be our choice if we want to stick with him even if hes on his death bed?by doing this its hurting more than watching hiom die

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:43 PM

He's in the hospital and they said things arent looking good. he's terrifiyed and I think you should remember hes only 16. he's just scared as any dying kid would be

void-Yesterday at 11:44 PM

.. so wait. let me get this straight . he decided to. block. every single one of his online friends, out of fear of hurting them. but he didnt try to distance himself from his irl ones, even though it should be thje same fear that drove him to block everybody online in the first place.iwhatnothis boils down to paranoia and distrustwhy exactly, does he  let his irl friends care for him but wont let his online ones do the same

ArchaicArcade-Yesterday at 11:45 PM

It;s easier to block people you don't know in personI just, I cant do this. hes a scared kin and that's all there is to it

void-Yesterday at 11:46 PM

okim dropping itfeel free to block mefigure you want nothing to do with me anymore eitherJune 8, 2018

ArchaicArcade-Today at 12:01 AM

no it's just I need a bit

ArchaicArcade-Today at 8:34 AM

I'm sorry to say this but I've know Riley way longer and well, I choose him over you. I feel terrible but I need to side with my best friend here

void-Today at 11:56 AM

there shouldnt even be a side but okay. i had a feeling y'all weren't telling the truth. because i forgot last night but now i remember that he certainly did not block everybody he was friends with online and the chat in gov kin is evident as such, since people there could still message him.

you all have fun lying now. but i want you both to remember that i would have gone above and beyond for the both of you because i trusted you, cared about you, and loved you.thanks for ripping away a part of my life.

--

s/o-Today at 7:48 AM

Fuck meRiley is the rat talking to lou

s/o-Today at 11:01 AM

Let me know if you are okay.

void-Today at 11:59 AM

.....wow.

s/o-Today at 11:59 AM

He shared our entire dm

s/o-Today at 12:00 PM

God me too

void-Today at 12:01 PM

you know i have a feeling all their friends were in on it and he didnt even have a heart attack last night

--

s/o- you know I never had a grudge against you, and I wasn't in a good place either when you were in my life. please leave me out of your mouth and i'll continue leaving you out of mine. Don't dis GAK either, it's a quiet kin family. -Lex's "live in" partner.

s/o- also I'm carful about the ages of the people I talk too, and that "flirting with a minor thing" not sure who that was at all? I'm sure it had something to do with the nonsense in KK. Anyway last message I will send unless you choose to respond. Yesterday at 4:53 AM

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches the minor was jeremie diioscuri and the offending behavior was via discord in a mutuals server that he had created Yesterday at 2:26 PM s/o- Now i know what you are talking about. I was mislead about his age. But I also never flirted with him. I sent him an NSFW meme once and his little friends started making wild accusations of me. And I do feel bad for offending him, but I didn't know he was a minor.

s/o- That is also how I personally got kicked from KK. I kicked Alex from KK the previous night because it was behaving destructively Today at 7:44 AM

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches thats not an accusation thats straight up telling the truth

s/o- Talking about trans stuff? I was literally complaing about tucking. I also really feel stabbed in the back right now. You think you know someone

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches you... knew who? look idk what you deem appropriate to talk to minors about but maybe it differs for us

s/o- i don't think a trans vent between two trans people is inappropriate if he was squicked by that he could've told me lol. not go sharing a private convo with you. (and i'm not blaming you for that)

agenderdad420/mystery peaches i will say that there is often an inherent power dynamic between older and younger members that maybe made him more uncomfortable

s/o- you know i can take the blame if I fucked up. I hope you know that I've changed a ton since KK. and since I your drama with Lex started. All I want is to be a good person and contribute something to my fellow kinnies.\

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches honestly i havent really kept up w either you or alex since that point, but i dont doubt you can take accountability for your actions.

agenderdad420/mysterypeaches i just hope that there is change that goes along w acknowledgement and perhaps there has been

s/o- I don't speak for lex. But i just want peace Today at 9:21 AM

agenderdad420 fair

--

s/o - Today at 7:49 AM Apparently riley is the one talking to the person who made my callout Do you have a problem with me arcade? 

ArchaicArcade - Today at 8:07 AM no 

s/o - Today at 8:16 AM I guess i squicked him with something i said 

ArchaicArcade - Today at 8:17 AM i guess 

s/o - Today at 8:19 AM My brain: hes sick because of you 

s/o - Today at 12:02 PM I know you have your reasons  for what you guys are doing. But I hope Riley knows how deep he cut me. I would've given you both the moon.

--

not only have these people caused me to have a severe anxiety attack, they caused my partner the same, as well as many others who weren’t even a part of this.

they have caused me to feel suicidal and paranoid, to want to self harm

as for agenderdad420/mysterypeaches, they have sent me anon hate before, accused me of being racist for my neopronouns (all while saying they’re not against neopronouns, lol), and blew up at me for dropping them after they told me they didn’t like that i was trying to set boundaries for my borderline behaviors with them, and that i was confiding in them everything that was going on with me at the time (which was heavily toxic and depressing towards me) they have used language against me that is ableist and abuse apologetic in nature and their claims otherwise are blatant lies.

i had previously published the majority of the anon hate before deleting it from my blog after a while due to discomfort of having drama on my blog.

they have taken to stalking me to find out more past drama about me, as well as taking false anecdotes from others who claim my s/o has been inappropriate with minors to the point of grooming them, which is 1000000000000000% untrue and taken greatly out of context and skewed into something that never happened.

talking about trans issues isn’t grooming, sending a nsfw meme to a person who my s/o believed to be an adult isn’t grooming.

these people are pure evil and have been planning this for a long time from what i’ve gathered.

they are dangerous and unpleasant and will apparently stop at nothing to obtain their goal, whatever it actually is. as evident as one of them faked a heart attack and may have faked an entire condition.

update 7/17/2018

after speaking to rileys sister who he abused for a good part of their life, as well as ruined it and made their mom send them to live with their aunt, i’ve since learned that this is serial abusive behavior and he has also physically beat his younger siblings, is a pathological liar, and everything i’ve thus learned about him 100% fits his m/o.

he can try all he wants to pretend that he got better and has improved but all i see if that he got better methods.

faking a heart attack in order to call my gf a pedophile for talking about trans issues is fucking despicable.

another thing i’ve discovered is that he did in fact assault the person who he says assaulted him 

and the fact he freaked out over a poorly written callout like that, no offense to the victim is kinda funny and really telling. if he was innocent then why bother mentioning anything? i dont think that many people saw it.

i’ve also learned that archaicarcade, aka julien/julian (and plenty of other past names) also has a past of fucking people over very quickly into friendships and relationships and changing their name and other information in order to hide their past.

in fact.. riley hangs out with a lot of weird people, including somebody who was brainwashed by their older brother to be transphobic, and julien, whos relationship with the minors he surrounds himself with is suspect at best.

he also keeps company with a jehovah’s witness, which i shouldn’t have to explain how problematic that is.

my current thoughts about this is that riley while not innocent at all may be being groomed by julien is who also grooming others with help from his other adult buddies they all hang with. i have no sympathy for riley though after what occurred, whatsoever.

just 10-20 minutes ago somebody on a sockpuppet from wilson, north carolina sent me hate after checking out this callout post for riley, this is the screenshot i took

i’ve since blocked and reported the sockpuppet, even if this doesnt belong to riley, its clearly from one of his brainwashed supporters. amazing that a month later they still want to start shit. but this? this is pathetic.

look riley and co. i, my gf, my bf, my other bf, and all my friends know the truth. you’re fucking liars and fakes and abusive and groom people. do the universe a favor and go to long term therapy or maybe just never go online ever again with any device, anytime, anywhere, ever. and in fact hole yoruself up in your homes and never speak to anybody ever again because you clearly can’t help yourselves from finding new targets to fuck with.

emotional terrorism at its finest.

[pidgezero-one]

assorted thoughts about the state of my stream and discord server

haven't been doing the stream thing a whole lot lately, and that's mostly because of a couple of things

1) i've been very busy with commissions (see https://twitter.com/pidgezero_one/status/972189424955088897 for info) - this is good!

2) i've been kinda sick lately, symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome. don't think this is what I actually have, but it was wild to be sleeping 10-11 hours a day after 10 hours of commuting+working. my job is not physically demanding or mentally draining, and i'm fairly certain that my exhaustion was partially caused by other ppl's personal drama surrounding me. this is bad

so anyway, i've completely emotionally checked out of the situations contributing to reason #2, and it's a bad feeling, but i definitely feel healthier and less tired. but this in part led to me kinda reconstructing my discord server to:

a) be less "intense" of a social environment - not only was the serious talk channel being used in ways that are not really appropriate for a public stream discord (which I think contributed to an atmosphere which would be alienating to many members), it was also feeling kinda cliquey at times and it felt strange to me that I couldnt even keep up with my own server most of the time. i wanted it to be somewhere chill where anyone who watches my stream can contribute without having to be part of an established friend group, but at the same time the LAST thing I want is to discourage people from forming close friendships with each other (seriously, if that can happen because of a community I created, that's a personal victory for me)! finding that balance is an ongoing learning process I guess. i think removing the channel in question was prob the best compromise here.

b) include more dedicated channels related to my stream content. i've spent the last few days brainstorming sub perks and such and am kinda working on that in the background. chances are everyone in my discord is there because they either like my stream or like being friends with me, so it probably ought to be easier to find stuff in there related to my stream

i kinda hope that ppl who have been active there before and have fallen off will start to come back, but also that ppl who are active there wont feel like im trying to make our home a sterile place. just trying to find that inclusive balance

as for frequency/content:

i've got a ton more art commissions to do, but tonight i'll be resuming doing art streams. i think i've been burning myself out pushing myself to get through my entire queue before I even think about streaming, when in reality balancing my time throughout the week will result in higher quality work.

i'm on a huge smrpg kick right now, and that means running whatever category I feel like. that means i'm returning to any% as soon as I finish rebuilding my strat chart. I pbed culex RTA yesterday, I routed and ran an all bosses category for fun, and MOTS is the most fun ive ever had with speedrunning, but I do wanna go back to the real category as well.

early morning streams have been good to wake me up, for the foreseeable future this will just be idiot pills 1-10 as it's all I have time for in the morning. so far i've short-streamed every weekday at 6 am for two weeks and plan on keeping the habit up.

on the side i'm resuming dkc2 and AC. casually I wanna play the nier games, alttp, super metroid, ff9 in the nier (heh) future

a tougher topic: i'm not really sure where to go with the presentation of my stream. i've always just done, said, and played whatever I felt like. for the most part I want to keep doing that, but there are some overhauls i'm considering, namely i've been thinking for a while about making my stream more pg. i'm approaching 30 and many of my friends have young kids at home and i don't want to be off limits to them because i'm swearing too much or being inappropriate or whatever. at the same time, the viewers who built the community I already have, have done so and participated under my long history of relative lack of rules to enforce, which has been clearly enjoyable for them considering the wonderful support i've gotten, and I absolutely don't want to alienate them either. this doesn't have an easy answer and is something i'll have to think about for a while.

another thing that's been nagging at me for a while: meme typecasting! I get blamed a lot for "encouraging it", but if you really pay attention... read my tweet history, discord messages, twitch chat messages, etc, see for yourself there really aren't that many memes there lol. you know what it's like when you make 1 joke around somebody and then references to that joke become the only things they *ever* say to you, and then you don't know how to say "ok, that's getting kinda stale" without sounding like a jerk? this is how I feel when like I try to say something serious and am just met with a wall of emote spam or my sentence rephrased with a random word replaced with "dicks" for example. idk what I even do that encourages it, is it just the fact that I don't say anything when it happens? I really don't like to be the fun police and don't like to be a jerk about harmless jokes and just wanna be grateful that people enjoy saying anything to me at all, but man, being pigeonholed as something i'm very clearly not gets kinda tiring :( there's not really a good way to have everyone in the world understand the concept of moderation, is there? either way i don't really like when it gets outta control in my chat/discord, but that doesn't mean I want ppl to stop making those jokes *entirely*, you know? because I do the whole nonsense spam in chats too, but I also make it a point to know when it's too much and also have it not be the *only* thing I do -- it's harmless at the end of the day and people are just having fun, but still feels kinda invalidating when it's all the time lol

stream monster-y stuff also annoys me more than it should. ive thought several times about censoring "rip" and emotes like "NotLikeThis" from my chat lol. also not a big fan of ppl who go overboard with joking insults, theres maybe only 2 or 3 ppl who can do this with me and have me actually find it funny, and I doubt any of them are reading this. i just make a point of not responding to it because there's nothing to gain from openly getting mad about it

I have no illusions about obtaining partnership. it would be nice to have, but it's not something i'm actively pursuing or really care about. any changes I make to my stream/community are being considered for what would make it more fun for me and more accessible for anyone who likes me or the things/games I stream, and that's what makes it toughest

just some thoughts for now, i'm just gonna keep doing what I feel like doing going forward.