#i might have mentioned yesterday idk i talked to a few people about it because im anxious so maybe thats what im thinking of

[iwanthermidnightz]

To me, these articles responding to that opinion piece aren’t so much concerned with contributing to the conversation, but with jumping on a topic for clicks that has been blown out of proportion because it made some Swifties uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the actual subject the piece is about has been unbothered by it and taken a woman on her arm to the Golden Globes.

And before anyone tries to counter—yes. We all know why Travis wasn’t there. Yet she has other male friends and even Austin she could have taken with her. Or gone alone.

I think the real conversation should be why it’s ok to “obsess and speculate” over Taylor’s sexuality when it’s assumed to be heterosexual, but an issue to “obsess and speculate” over her sexuality when posited that she could be queer or that her lyrics have queer undertones (if that’s the right wording).

People speculated for SIX YEARS that she was married to Joe Alwyn and were very much recently speculating that Travis was proposing over Christmas. Someone on Deuxmoi speculated she had a miscarriage, which (in addition to the pushed marriage ceremony narrative) pissed Tree off and prompted a direct response. But hey, those are completely fine, because those are built around a heterosexual construct. (*sarcasm*)

Yet, when an article brings up queerness and Taylor Swift in the same sentence, based on words written a spoken and actions conducted by Taylor herself (who as we know, prides herself on writing her own lyrics), it’s suddenly “harmful speculation” or a “delusional obsession” by a group of people projecting their “fantasies” and sexualities on a woman who has said she is straight.

Yeah, all while placing herself smack dab in the middle of the (LGBT) community in YNTCD….when she could have been Ryan Reynolds in her own video.

But I digress.

I think what’s really harmful is when people like Misha Collins (for example) tweet at Taylor about the piece saying his DM’s are open if she wants to talk because “he’s been there” (when idk, she could just talk to Shawn Mendes, who her “associates” threw in traffic while voicing their dismay).

After all, a few years ago at an event, Misha himself said:

"By a show of force, how many of you would consider yourself introverts? How many extroverts? And how many bisexuals?" Then said “I’m all three”.

He later “apologized” calling it “clumsiness of his language”. Saying his intent “was to wave off actually discussing my sexuality”, but he “badly fumbled that” and understood that it was seen as him coming out as bisexual.

So….here we are. Bisexuality (in the queerness family tree and used among the words “extrovert” and “introvert”) is being posed as “clumsiness of language”.

It’s just interesting to me how people use “obsession” and “speculation” in context of sexuality.

I very much agree. Thank you for putting this into words.

The most concerning part (and this has been the case for years and years) is how comfortable people (usually straight) are with accusing queer people of a whole slew of problematic accusations rooted in their ignorance and unwillingness to understand queer experience, culture and history, and their obvious intent of trying to hurt and gaslight an already vulnerable community with the most malicious rhetoric. It tells me the views/experiences of the lgbtqia+ community are not valued. At least not as much as heteronormative standards.

Like the guardian article mentioned yesterday,

“the entertainment industry is perfectly fine with its biggest stars flirting with LGBTQ+ imagery. It’s fine with its biggest stars draping themselves in rainbow flags and making statements about allyship. Dare to suggest that those stars might actually be gay, though, and you’ll see quite a lot of old-fashioned homophobia coming out.”

Moral is, it’s clear society is ok with using queer culture when it’s beneficial, and at the same time using it as a scapegoat when they feel threatened by it.

It’s the double standards and hypocrisy for me. It’s exhausting.

[atthebell]

Pac mentioned today that he had to speak really slowly in portuguese for the translator to work for him because it doesn't understand his accent, and that reminded me of what you said yesterday about which portuguese speakers were easiest for a non-native portuguese speaker to translate! Does Pac have a stronger accent than cellbit and bagi? Is it influenced at all by the time he spent living in Canada?

i wouldn't say pac has a stronger accent, although i'm not an expert at portuguese obviously, i would just say he has a different accent that is more difficult to parse for both non-portuguese speakers and machine translation. the pronunciation is different and that makes it harder to pick up on what he's saying without paying close attention, which machine translation isn't able to do.

i really doubt spending time in canada would change his accent very much-- idk if i've talked about it before, but typically, your accent is far more impacted by how your parents speak and early childhood than it is by anything later in life, although that's obviously not universal and accent changes along with language loss, even of native languages, is something that can happen, i just doubt it happened with pac. so no, i doubt canada would have changed his accent much, he just talks differently than bagi and cellbit, just as forever talks differently since he's from rio (and forever's accent is MUCH harder for both non-portuguese speakers and machine translation to pick up on, although now that i've been exposed to and learning portuguese for way longer i personally can understand him pretty well).

there are a few reasons for this-- from a human translation perspective, paulistano accents sound closer to vowel sounds that are familiar to english speakers, so that makes it easier. from a machine translation perspective, i would suspect that more of the corpa (that is, the sets of data that machine translators are trained on, so an enormous series of documents, recordings, etc. that get fed into, for instance, google translate, and then learn how a typical sentence, phrase, or word in said language usually translates) for the translators used on qsmp (so, from my understanding, google API & amazon API, although i believe they might use other ones?) are trained on material using paulistano accents, so those most similar to cellbit and bagi, versus being trained on accents from elsewhere in brazil. although, i know much of the traditional media in brazil is produced in rio, so i'm not sure how much of it would be included in these kinds of corpa-- google translate used to get all its training material from UN documents, but they've expanded since then (which is why it's improved and added many more languages, although again, not perfect). i would say paulistano accents are also just clearer and easier to understand for both humans and machines for that reason, which is, again, not a value judgment, just an element that i think plays a role in why people and auto-translations struggle to understand other accents.

this is the same in english, i'll also point out-- if they had, for example, a scottish person on the server, the translator would struggle to understand them well, or any accent that diverges from the standardized versions they have available for input (which i believe are fairly broad-- they have various countries, but the amount of data the machine translator has for each of these countries probably varies, and besides that, there are many dialects within countries. again, the translator would have a very rough time with something like cajun english, whereas with fit's fairly standard general american accent, it doesn't have any trouble. if you remember, the translator had a bit of a hard time with phil way way back, since his northern english accent is less standard than, say, wilbur's, as a more southern english accent).

tl;dr there's a myriad of factors as to why the translator struggles with pac's accent, and also as a non-native portuguese speaker and not a brazilian, i wouldn't be able to tell you the exact nuances of pac's accent regardless.

[thedawningofthehour]

I meant to send this yesterday, but did you ever mention what exactly Josh is? I honestly don’t remember there ever being clarification (and if there was it totally went over my head) and while i was rereading for the umpteenth time Josh was referred to by splinter as “the copper one” and my mind kinda went “Excuse me, Copper???” I figured he was a Yokai of some kind but then we know that Rose is a witch/from witch town (right?) so whenever I vision Josh is just a very wobbly image of some nerdy buff guy idk and he’s always wearing a blue shirt for some reason :P

Lol well you're pretty close! Josh and his brother and sister are all witches from Witch Town and look vaguely humanish, as Yokai witches are shown to be.

Like yes, these people are undoubtedly Not Human, but unlike many other Yokai they don't seem to be anything else in particular. (in general-I see Lion Dude up there, but he's an outlier) (I've actually thought a lot about the lore of Witch Town and I have no idea if I'm going to end up using any of it so I might do a write-up one of these days)

Josh and his family (his twin sister, their little brother, and the little brother's husband, and maybe his niece I haven't decided if she exists here) all live in Witch Town and run an apothecary. They actually met Bella because the little brother Reed (who I apparently haven't even referenced by name yet, sorry Reed) was her bodyguard while she competed in the Nexus. He got into some debt and the debt was then purchased by Big Mama, and he refused to fight for her. Big Mama basically rigged his contract so he could never pay her back, effectively enslaving him, and had his tongue cut out for talking back to her too many times. He got assigned to Bella because she already knew how to sign, they became friends, and when she left she bought out his contract. Turns out his sister was hot and his brother was her platonic soulmate, so happily ever after. (Bella and Reed are still really good friends, they're just less reasons to mention him because his skills aren't really plot-relevant)

Josh is definitely a nerd, he's pretty tall and broad-shouldered but skinny. He's kind of pink, not intensely so but definitely a few shades into 'not a human skin color'. His hair is either blond or he's a very light redhead, depending on how I feel that day. He has an extremely prominent nose, which...I just realized that doesn't sound good, considering he's Jewish. Okay, to be fair, when I designed him he was not Jewish. He's a Dishonored OC, the Dishonored world does not have any real-world religions, they have one twink who is also a whale as their god and their religion is centered around hating on him. I made Josh Jewish because Bella was Jewish and I kind of liked the idea of her bonding with him and his family over that. (I don't know why Bella is Jewish, she just Was) (also Bella and Josh aren't religiously Jewish-they're atheists)

Rose looks pretty similar, except she's much shorter (which vexes her greatly, as she's the oldest) and her hair is more of a ginger color. Reed however is massive, taller than his brother and super buff, like 'body of a Greek god' but unironically. His coloring is more pinkish-purple and darker because he has a different father. Everyone thirsts over him and he is entirely oblivious. His husband got a lot of high-fives when he put a ring on it. (and a lot of jealous glowers, especially when the story of how he proposed with a BBQ sandwich came out)

Splinter calls him 'the copper one' because their last name is Copperspoon but he couldn't remember. (he's old) And they have that name because their mother is this bitch:

Delilah Copperspoon, bisexual poly witch and bastard daughter of an emperor. She's such a wonderfully evil character.

[arrogantsoap]

back on tumblr to possibly stir the pot on tumblr queen fandom idk

(these are for context)

I was talking about it on twitter as you can see on the images above and decided to move it here because.

this is a huge rant, it might piss people off.

Idk, this is conspiracy theory but whatever, it's not like my opinion has any relevance. I saw a few comments on the thread of op's post mentioning how fucked up it is of roger and brian to contribute to borhap being the way it is (villainizing freddie for being gay basically). and like. idk. I've checked out of this fandom quite a while ago, so I'm not exactly keeping up with anything. but like it would be interesting to analyze them as a "friend group" again. because behind the scenes there might've been some fucked up homophobia going on, or some shit like that. like it definitely seems like the image they're trying to paint of themselves is only that clean to hide something else.

and now im going off my own tweet, like i see no reason for them to be so quiet/private about certain aspects of their lives (? idk how to explain this). like, you could argue that because they're still alive they still have an image to maintain of sorts. but idk. look at the beatles. everybody knew they were fucked up and now the remaining living ones just say yeah actually we were fucking insane. now queen seems a lil weird. they're a seventies rock band, im guessing everyone who knows anything about seventies rock bands will assume they were all fucking insane, but instead of ever elaborating on it (from what I can recall from more recent interviews I remember seeing/reading) they just don't really mention it??? like it's always about freddie, and how freddie was a tormented genius who fucked up his own life because he was crAazy guys!! idk. they (brian and roger more directly) never really let the people in their lives and their actual thoughts on things. they make sure to always mention freddie (because how could you not, really) but always say exactly the same things, i haven't seen an actual thoughtful retrospective by them. and it just feels like they're hiding shit, y'know? they seem very pr friendly.

and yeah maybe you could argue it's for privacy reasons. but they like talking about their past. just not about themselves and how they played a part in their past. borhap is the proof. they do like using queens image and !!to me!! it seems that it is solely for profit.

one of the great things about biographies and biopics and all that is the reflection about past events, revisiting events with a clearer understanding of context, being able to see clearly the different sides of the same story and all. but the remaining of queen seems to suffer from a chronic lack of self awareness when it comes to their own lives. and again !!!!to me!!!! that might be a sign that they weren't friends (with freddie) perse after all. mccartney can shit on lennon all he wants but he never diminished his importance or paint him in a bad light after his death for the sake of his own image, and that's a telltale sign of love and respect between the two of them.

and back to the homophobia bit, i don't think i explained it all that well. it's interesting how freddie was one of the biggest queer icons and impacted so many lives, but since his legacy was in the hands of the straight people around him it got all warped as soon as they had the opportunity. I could understand a biopic like borhap being made about him by some random director with loads of money to spend and no interest in queen/freddie besides the money their image could bring (think the movie yesterday). but it's completely different that roger and brian wanted the story to be told like that. that just shows that no matter how much they say they loved freddie (and who am i to say they didn't) they didn't bother to respect him.

idk. idk idk idk. this is just a convoluted way to say: queen's version of the story we've got so far seems iffy. i don't really trust it. but maybe im just misinformed. in that case just ignore what i said.

[httpiastri]

i’ll keep this short because i feel like you might be getting tired of my really really long long asks and also because my heart still aches from yesterday so im not feeling v talkative so

- you made a type in pepe’s name and you made him pee and idk i found it funny okay 😭😭 and its ironic because as i was typing this i made the same typo too

- def trust your intuition!! i’m literally just a teenage girl but there’s been instances where trusting my gut feeling has lead me out and away from really danger or at least warned me enough about it so i could mentally prepare for it

- and i also agree that there doesn’t have to be many coincidences for it to mean something!! sometimes just one coincidence is enough because of the timing and nature of the way it even came about yk?

- i was kinda raised with the beliefs of two religions…? if that makes sense, of course. but even when one religion contrasted the idea of fate and destiny i think it’s something younger me could never shake off and no amount of lessons could ever change that belief in me, and idk but pepe’s season so far kinda made me religious again (this sounds so stupid i’m so sorry 😭😭) but like i do believe in fate and destiny but also in manifestation (which basically means we choose and create our path in life) but rn i’m believing in fate and that there is a reason why his luck (and i say luck and not season, because he is a very talented driver, and the only thing that has been messing him up is his luck) is so awful rn, and that he will shine on the top step of the podium again. he won in barcelona last year, and did the so so good in all barcelona testing’s this year, so even if monaco messes up his race again (which i pray does not happen), barcelona will take good care of her golden child, pepe.

- i realise ive rambled too much again 😕😕

- but yeah omg one of my biggest questions when i was child was why i was put on this world at this exact time and this location because like?? i was always a very emotional child but i was always grateful to be surrounded by so many lovely people, even when i was being bullied in school or whatever. but i also used to feel guilty because why me? when there are others in the world suffering, why did i get the better life, but i think that’s a bit too much for rn.

- also i think paul’s cockiness isn’t too surprising, i think in circumstances where he’s doing really well after two very important teams didn’t stick by him, it’s understandable that he would be acting that way but some of the things he says just makes me go a bit 😦😦 like the wonder kid comment and yesterday’s comment

- but yes i tried to keep it short but i really hope pepe gets his chance to do well again, and i hope its a win, because you mentioned patterns with maiden wins and yesterday my feed decided to just fill itself with pepe posts and i saw one from you from last year: https://www.tumblr.com/httpiastri/732051888669917184 and in the tags you said he had such a good start to the season but then got unlucky and i just looked back at last year’s race results and his dnfs at the end of season were so horrible too BUT he also did end up with 3 wins that season so maybe its like a sandwich pattern thing… where he did well at the start last year, got unlucky at the end of season, got unlucky again (minus his first race podium) and then becomes supremely lucky again at the middle to end of this season

idk im so tired and upset rn and another word i don’t know in english but i hope your week gets better as it goes by!! monaco is just this week so in a few days time, this won’t be the most recent pepe race that we remember, and hopefully by then his luck has changed so the most recent pepe week we remember is an amazing one (i hope that sentence made sense because my brain’s been lagging a bit recently) but yes, thank you for taking the time to reply to my v long asks, and i hope i haven’t been stressing you out with these asks because i really don’t want you to feel pressured to always type out a really long reply to mine— but anyway, have a lovely day ahead, and an even better tomorrow!!💗💗

p.s. thank you for writing about pepe snapping at you and giving you the silent treatment and accidentally making you cry because i imagined the exact same thing yesterday and now it’s in written form so i’m def not going crazy 😵‍💫😵‍💫 but i think id feel guilty if i cried and he had to comfort me because he’s been the one with the horrible luck these past few months?? not me?? but i think it could lead to some really sweet bonding where i give him one of my good luck charms which lead him to win or at least score a podium finish in his next race so

oops i rambled again im so sorry 😭😭😭

- 🪷

?!?! i would NEVER get tired of your messages wth???????? theyre the highlights of my day honestly 😭 im so sorry for being late to answer sometimes but ive been so extremely tired these last few weeks…. i promise to get better 💔 but please never feel like you have to make a message short or like you can't send this or that!!!!!!!!

i looooved reading the pee part of this message because i was like "😭😭 r u gonna realize why i wrote that maybe…." 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and then seeing these messages made me laugh out loud aaaa

i have decided to trust my intuition more bcs of you !!! it will be interesting where it takes me even if it's abt smaller things :)

don't say it's stupid, i think it makes sense!!! personally i feel like life is a good mix of all of those and while i do think you can choose a lot of what happens to you, i guess i believe that not everything can be changed because some things are more fate-y. but i do believe that everything will work out in the end and even if things don't go how you intend them to (/what you manifest), you'll get the right results in the end as long as you have the right mindset & so on? if that makes sense?? im also a believer in karma so like if you do good things then good things will definitely happen to you. so i 100% agree abt pepe and the fate thing, it doesn't matter if he has a few tough races because he's a good driver and deserves to do well, so if he just keeps fighting and doesn't give up then he will be rewarded in the end 🥺 oh i will be so so so happy if he gets that home race win again, it would truly be the highlight of my year 😭 but i have a good feeling about monaco again !!!!

yesss i feel the exact same way, i feel so insanely lucky to have grown up in this country, in this family, with all of these opportunities and all of the good stuff around me.... i think that a lot of stuff i do today also are very deeply connected to things i felt in my childhood? in a way that i feel like i've had like revelations abt stuff????? like i went through a rlly hard time with my family when i was like 10 and i really didn't wanna go to practice, but the second i met my friends and started playing i was just like "aH this sport has the ability of erasing all of my issues?? sign me the f up" and so 12 years later, ive dedicated my whole life to it..... idk if you get what i mean but i have so many other examples but 😭 but yes i totally get the guilty feeling, esp when im not doing what i should be or like using the opportunities ive been given. the fact that im allowed to go to school, which btw is for free (!!!!), and yet i don't find the energy to study? when people all over the world would kill to learn how to read?? and so on

oh yes 100%, i love the cockiness tbh, it's well-deserved. just like i love pepe's attitude too 🥰

yes yes yes it definitely could be!!!! fingers crossed for a good middle of the season 🥺 also so silly that i wrote abt spa because i was like sooo torn in spa 😭 because obvs i love him (wasn't as obsessed as i am rn tho) but i was so shocked at how he didn't get any kind of penalty (or did i forget abt that?...)...... yes it was probs the team's fault but still 😵

you put it very well, this weekend will be amazing and definitely one to remember <3333 thank you for taking the time to send me these long asks love!!! you definitely have not been stressing me out, i love love reading them and i do not feel pressured. i hope you're having a lovely week s far and that it gets better and better for the weekend !!!!!💗

awwww darling im definitely not going crazy too...... i love his soft side but i also like him showing a bit of emotion yk?? and yes pls like "no don't say you're sorry, im sorry that i haven't supported you enough for a win" 🥺 good luck charms thoooo....... my heart is melting 😭

yet again, shuuuush i don't wanna hear u saying u rambled too much!! you didn't ramble enough, i want twice this much next time!!!!!!! (pls don't feel pressured to write if you don't want to shdjfkhd i just love hearing from you 🥺 no matter if its short or long)(though i prefer long 🥰)

[hundredsspoons]

Death tw under cut

So my aunt unfortunately passed away a few days ago. Everyone thought she had like 5 years left, but she got sick the other day and the hospice staff (she was there for pain management NOT hospice) literally told her it was useless etc. None of us know what medical information they were basing this on, because the last cat scan we had gotten before that was not that critical. The problem at that moment was that her blood pressure has dropped unexpectedly. My aunt was talking to people about her long-term (5 years) plan just the day before, so she was NOT aware of how bad things were and was NOT planning on dying so soon, but the staff on the phone told my mother that clearly her sister had been hiding information from her. My mom is a nurse practitioner with a phd, and she was sitting next to a trained doctor at the time, and they both were telling the staff (on the phone) how easy it is to fix blood pressure if you go to the hospital, but the staff was just like "no no it's her underlying condition" idk if they had the new cat scan, which we got like 2 days after her death, and did reveal that basically her cancer had doubled in size in 2 weeks. If they knew that, it might have made sense. But why would the hospice house have access to medical information before the patient and her husband? Why wouldn't they give that information to the husband to explain their position? Then my aunt decided (after the hospice house said the ambulance would take 2 hours to come from a hospital that was 5 minutes away by car and that it was a useless situation) that she would rather have a dignified death. Understandable, but we all feel like she was pressured into this decision by a strangely-eager hospice house, a lack of medical information, and the fact that she was drugged out of her gourd because she was in so much pain. So then she was given more and more morphine (which is a medicine that drops blood pressure!!) until she passed away. She had a husband and a 2-year-old child. Everyone is miserable and, frankly, furious.

Me and my mom live in America, while her sister lived in England, so there's not too much to do aside from text other family members. My mother is deeply devastated. I should say that I'm doing alright (I didn't know my aunt very well, though she seemed like a lovely person).

On a somewhat lighter note, I've been trying to comfort my mother and she mentioned yesterday how much she liked a special type of milkshake when she was a child in South Africa, so I tried to recreate it today when she came home from work. I was melting the chocolate bars for the drizzle, and she walked in. Holding a milkshake from mcdonalds. We just stood there staring at each other like 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️. You may or may not remember, but I had tried to make her a meal the other week, but she was too stressed out about the mess to enjoy it. This time she just shook her head and said, "....We're really not good at this." 😂😭 She asked if we can make the milkshake tomorrow lol.

[n4talia-chaparro]

Can you tell me bout your CU au pwease👉👈

🦋||꒷꒦︶🌿︶︶꒷꒦︶∪∪︶꒷꒦︶︶🌿︶꒷꒦||🦋

I might be terrible and bad explaining but I don't know if you want the lore or the small info or facts then I guess I've to give it a try <:]

So lemme try to explain half of the lore cuz it's still in process and development (?)

Ahem uh here's the laziest, cringy and random summary or sum cuz most people don't take me seriously don't mind me being hella goofy and silly with the lore.

Harold and George were minding their business until they noticed that the school bell hadn't made a single sound after all the children were in class. Bo showed up a bit and George asked him what happened and turns out the bell was broken and Ms. Yewh has been sick since "yesterday" and isn't going to come back until further notice. However, Bo also mentioned that they will be having a substitute teacher since he overheard the conversation with the staff room or the meeting or whatever fucking room the school has. The boys thought it was a good moment to prank, etc. until the prank went wrong and Krupp got hella pissed so uh

The next day the substitute teacher came and surprise it was Jerry himself, then Melvin thought of making an invention and name it "smartychanger2000" or sum since he wants smart teachers to exist but unfortunately instead of shooting Jerry with it, Krupp got shoot. Did he became a monster? Nah. It took him 3 or more months for his brain to develop Intelligent and then uh few moments later the motherfucker snapped and accidentally killed Ms. Hurd only because she was talking about her time and mention something about childhood and made Krupp triggered by it causing the bastard to snap the leaving fuck out. Finding out not only his anger issue got more worst, he can also break thinks and is smart now.

So uh weeks or month has passed and no one noticed Hurd's disappearance except for Melvin who has been noticing Krupp's behavior but yet uh unfortunately Melvin was the 1st child to be fucking missing and being used as a human experiment or sum, uh not to mention that's how he probably stole Melvin's IQ or intellect. Possibly slamming the child's head harder to a wall or with a basebat, or rule book (get it cuz heavy ass book??? No ok) and uhhhh what else

Yeah, the school feels like hell and everyone in the damn school has been noticing that things were changing, more teachers and students missing, some dead as fuck and others were uh...buried alive. Idfk.

A few months went by and well.

Jerry was being called for a private meeting with Krupp. And they began arguing until...well you guessed it! Krupp attempted to kill him but unfortunately, Jerry escaped and got his left upper arm stabbed. (Now you know why he had a fucking bandage in some of my art so don't be surprised to see a Jerry with a bloody ass bandage) and things didn't age well.

More fucked up shit happened before Cap and Krupp were separated cuz idk how the fuck did they separated them? Idk the logic or sum but Krupp did wanted to get rid of him and his sidekicks too so uh--

And that's the point of the crappy au uh-.

It's so cringy that I'm dying from embarrassment ciz the au itself is bad.

So hopefully I can do proper writing about it like omg bro. I need to fix the au fr fr ‼️‼️😭😭💀💀

[zarisdonut]

My thoughts after watching Wednesday

Okay so since Wednesday came out only yesterday, there's still a bunch of my moots on twt that haven't seen it yet so I decided to express myself here since it's more of a safe space for spoilers and stuff and I will explode if I don't talk about it.

(Wednesday spoilers down below btw)

Okay so first, it was a pretty good show. I think I would've liked it much more if it didn't have that many ∼straightness∼ in it but that's just my very biased opinion cause straight people tire the shit out of me but what are you gonna do lol.

Also, these are my thoughts. If you do not agree, it's okay. I don't want to fight anyone (basically bc I don't have the energy for that) but I am always up for debating and exchanging different ideas.

PLOT

I think that plotwise, the show was pretty awesome. They didn't do anything completely new, never-seen-before or anything like that, but it was enjoyable. Some parts were a bit predictable but I also can't complain because this is, after all, a tv show about teenagers so there are obviously some tropes that are always gonna repeat themselves, which isn't exclusively bad. For example, I always love a good prom/ballroom scene, so yeah. Also, I think that even tho there were times everything was a bit cliché, they still found a way to make it interesting and not want to make me turn off my computer lol.

Also there were a bunch of times when stuff didn't make much sense? Like for example in the competition part. If there are no rules, why didn't they just exploit that? Like, if I had been in there, I would've used an engine for the boat, for example. It's little things like this that make me v mad, cause I feel it doesn't make sense. But I understand that it might just be me cause I tend to think in a more logical way than anything else and also, I'm a hell of a perfectionist, so yeah.

WRITING

This part is one of the most important ones for me (along with character development) and even though I thought that it was overall brilliant, there were some parts of the dialogue (not lots of them, but a few) that felt a bit cringe and that took me a bit out of place. Like, most times when I was watching the show, I felt totally immersed in the story and then BAM. There's a line where I'm like "oh. That's- No." Like, idk how to explain it but they just took me out of the story and I came back to myself, watching a TV Show abt teenagers instead of living in it. (idk if this makes sense lol)

ACTING

Special section to literally BOW to miss Jenna Ortega cause hOLY sHIT girl. I couldn't have imagined anyone better as Wednesday Addams.

THE CHARACTERS

Okay so here is where ∼probably∼ I'm the most conflicted of it all. I found the Addams family (special mention to Wednesday, obviously) truly amazing. It's true that I've known the Addams for a long time and I was already emotionally attached to them, so idrk if I find them amazing because I already knew abt them, or bc they are one of the few characters that are well-made in the show.

But apart from them, all the other characters I found them a bit bland. Where's the flavour, babes? Put some goddamned spices in it, god. Like, all of them fit a certain trope, which I'm not mad about cause at the end of the day all the characters in the world fit a certain group, but the thing is that none of them really stand out. There's nothing really special abt them, and considering that this is literally about a school full of vampires, witches (well, idk if they're actual witches but you get it), werewolves and sirens.... is deeply concerning to me. Like, there's not one character in there that I feel could be remembered, and the bad thing about all of this is that there is so much potential. It's physically painful, actually. (I might do another post with my ideas of how to improve some of the characters to make them seem more interesting according to myself, but we'll see)

I do understand, however, that this show is abt Wednesday, and she is supposed to be the 'special one' since she's the main character, but that doesn't mean you have to write the other ones as plain as a blank sheet of paper. I certainly could go on and on, but I don't want this post to be longer than it needs to lol. Maybe I could do another one where I get into the characters a bit more (cause analysing shit is like, my only thing) so yeah.

RELATIONSHIPS

Yep, here's where my ∼most unbiased∼ opinions end, cause yes, I'm obviously gonna trash all the romantic relationships of the show.

First: what the fuck was that.

Second: No, but fr. What the fuck was that.

I thought we were over the phase of guilting girls into going on dates with guys they're not interested in, but I guess not?

It still astounds me how none of the romantic pairings have a single atom of chemistry in them. And my question is, did they even try? Cause holy shit bro it was hard to watch. (Not talking abt the acting. Its more of a writing problem, I think)

Also, these romances added literally nothing to the storyline. Especially Enid's. Why are yall wasting screen time with useless plotlines and uneventful couples? Can't you use those minutes for something better? Like, literally anything atp. I have at least 20 ideas off the top of my head.

N e ways, moving on... Like I said in the beginning, I barely tolerate straight ships anymore, and sometimes I even gaslight myself into believing they're not that bad, that it's just me, but not here.

Wednesday Addams is the kind of character you can't just push to have a relationship with the first person she meets. And you certainly cannot write her in a love triangle because it just won't work. And what happened in the show? It didn't work. I'm actually really mad at this because that just tells me the writers/the people who were in charge of the show didn't get her character.

First of all, I don't think Wednesday should have a love interest, but if you, for some inexplicable reason wanted this, you need to play the long game. And by long game, I mean SO. MOTHER. FUCKING. LONG. I could make an entirely separate post abt this but I'm going to try to sum it up as well as I can.

Wednesday doesn't get attached to people. In fact, she hates people. So making her fall for someone to me is straight-up bullshit, but we're not gonna go there right now.

She is an egomaniac. If she doesn't find someone useful, she's not gonna talk to them. Obviously, that's not love. So apart from the "regular" process of liking someone, you also need to take into account this extra process that needs to happen. She has to go from "only seeing X as a tool" to "starting to acknowledge X as another human" ending in "holy shit I might like X".

So what I think they shouldve done is invest in friendships first. Build a good relationship with her love interest first, and everything else will come along when it needs to come along.

For example with (and yall prob know who I'm gonna say) Enid. I wouldn't say I ship them per se, but the development is there yk. I like the way their relationship evolved, and I think that if they were gonna give our main girlie a love interest, it would have to be like this (I'm not saying it necessarily needs to be her, but also I wouldn't be mad abt it).

Anyways, those are my main thoughts rn. Believe it or not, I did try to keep it short (lol) but I just get so motivated talking abt these things hehe.

If you stuck around to read what a random stranger on the internet had to say abt a tv show abt teenagers with weird abilities, you're the real one. If my brainrot continues, I'll probably make more of these posts analysing different stuff but with more depth n stuff, so maybe we'll see each other again, who knows.

Until then, have a very nice day and drink water.

Kindly,

The random stranger on the internet

[lemony-snickers]

I don’t think anyone here believes you to be pathetic. I certainly don’t leaving anon hate is pathetic. I imagine it was more of what you said that no one wanted to continue to perpetuate that hate and start a fight. I on the other hand will, I just didn’t see these until right now.

wherever that anon is now I find it absolutely disgusting to leave a comment like this on the page of someone you consider yourself to be a ‘fan’ of. You never know what people are going through and struggle with so really who the fuck are you to come in with your unfounded opinions?

I don’t know any creator that doesn’t struggle with their work and or self image in relation to that work—some are just better at hiding it than others. what do you mean promotion? Sharing here or on ao3 is promotion, and yes it clearly is a problem other writers are facing in which a work will receive 40likes and 2reblogs. Or 500 hits and 10comments. People don’t want to engage when they can read it and leave it, tiktok only reenforces that, so I don’t understand why you mention that here. How about you share some of the works your a “fan” of instead?? You’ve read the comments but have you left one? On lemony work or others?

That anon must not be a creator, as they clearly do not know how difficult it is to first find the time and drive to write and second find the courage to share those works.

Lemony do not listen to them no one who is a true fan here thinks this of you 💙

let me be clear about a few things:

no bashing or negativity aimed at an anon is ever necessary to still show support for a person who receives a less than ideal ask;

when i rb a "tell me honestly" ask game, i do not expect every response to be positive;

however, i also only rb those things when i know i am in an emotional space to take potential criticism.

so i was pretty fucking blindsided when i woke up on tuesday morning and the very first thing i saw was a long, fairly aggressively worded diatribe about how i am a "nagging girlfriend" fishing for attention in response to an ask game i had reblogged a whole week prior.

TW: talk of animal death in next paragraph.

and not that it's actually anyone's business, but it was particularly awful given that i spent monday night cradling my cat in my arms as he was euthanized after developing sudden & unexpected heart failure. so i wasn't in the headspace to deal with criticism at all. i could barely fucking get out of bed & was actually considering offering commissioned fics out of desperation to go toward the huge vet bill i had to suddenly pay out of pocket.

and then, to receive another anon ask insinuating that i sent the fucking thing to myself to garner... what? attention and sympathy? (lol if i wanted to do that i would've just talked about my dead cat, thanks!) really fucking cut deep. especially when not a soul voiced any support - publicly or privately - that that is not a thing i would do. because, true or not, the way my super cool nagging girlfriend brain works is to take that as confirmation that people agree:

(see anon # 1, i don't throw all of my insecure complaints onto this blog and here, anon # 2, a preview of what a mean ask i sent myself might actually sound like.)

i spent the whole of tuesday crying - at my desk, on the bus home from work, during my therapy session that afternoon, and long, long after. and maybe it's stupid to feel so attacked by meaningless shit on tumblr or lonely because of the lack of response in its wake, but goddamn, y'all. there are nicer ways to air your grievances with me than to be insulting. and if you think i'm the kind of person who would send a lengthy hurtful message to myself for fucking likes or kind asks or whatever (lol joke's on you, i guess), honestly, why are you even here?

tbh, i don't know why i'm here at this point. maybe another hibernation is overdue or maybe i should've stayed gone, idk. what i do know is i didn't login all day yesterday and it felt pretty great. because it just fucking hurt to watch countless folks like and rb all the fanart from my queue that day with nary a, "hey lem, saw those asks, hope you're doing all right" in the same span of time.

(i will acknowledge that one mutual sent a totally unrelated ask re: an opinion on food & drink to change topics which i answered privately because by that point in the day i was so fucking depressed the thought of trying to be fun & lighthearted made me physically ill & i was of the resolute opinion that not a single person would give a shit what i had to say about it anyway.)

i'm sorry to vent on your ask, anon. i probably shouldn't post this but who even cares at this point, lol. people will think what they will of me and i'm too exhausted to attempt a curation of something better or more well-adjusted or self-assured.

i hope you're having a good week, blue heart anon. for better or worse, i hope the anons who made me cry on tuesday are, too. but i'm down in The Pit now (which is what my therapist and i call my deep dark depression spirals) and idk when i'll claw my way back out.

hopefully soon. take care of yourselves in the meantime, yeah? <3

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Daryl Dixon Sneak Peek, Part 2

@galadrieljones:

Idk if I ever mentioned this before but the rat in the walls reminds me of this old short story by Ian McEwan called “First Love, Last Rites,” in which a newly married couple keeps hearing a rat scratching in the walls and it’s meant to represent something they’re not sharing with one another but that is gnawing at the connection between them. The fact that it’s a “rat” is not idiomatic, a la “a snitch.” It’s just a pest that you can often hear but cannot see, that stays hidden just long enough that it’s easy to ignore until suddenly it’s in the soup.

Anyway I am literally just riffing here. I hope this is helpful or at least at all useful lol. Very interested in all thoughts on any of these matters!!

Oh one more thing I just thought of, is that the search for Rick is historically a way of subverting Daryl’s failed search for Beth. This is ofc why he finds the harpy in the woods who ends up looking like Beth. He finds her, but it’s not what he thought. It’s all connected. So now, everyone thinks he’s of “looking for Rick” again but ofc this search for Rick is so much more complicated than what it seems. It’s a way for Daryl to complete the narrative he could not complete many years ago.

(And ofc because Daryl is Daryl he can never admit to himself who/what he is actually searching for—love. Beth. Her. The one who got away.)

(He hopes that if he can find and save Rick, then this feeling will go away.)

OH, also, I read in a couple places that people are speculating the device Daryl is talking into is not a radio, but a handheld recorder. Some are speculating that this will be used as a thematic device, to help break down Daryl's psyche a little, allow him vulnerability, as he's such a stoic character.

I like this idea a little bit. I am interested in the kinds of things he will say when he thinks no one can hear.

It's also this very interesting callback to Beth, who writes in a journal. It's a recorded journal. Hmm.

That's it for my immense ramble for the evening. Hope you all are sleeping soundly

@wdway:

@galadrieljones, you know the old saying be careful what you wish for, well you might feel some regret when I ramble on and on because you asked for thoughts on your speculations, haha. I just want to start by saying how much I enjoyed everything that you've talked about yesterday and all the research you did was outstanding, as usual.

I'm definitely thinking that we're not seeing the previews or the two previews, the short one and the longer one in the correct sequence of events in the storyline. I think that the second one, the longer one where it starts with him getting off of the boat is probably several episodes into Daryl's s1 storyline.

I do tend to want to think that Daryl did in fact start his journey towards Paris from the Mediterranean coastline port of Marseille. Most of that is in telling his story I don't think they would take the time to have Daryl land closer to Paris or on the Atlantic coast then have him journey down and around and back up to Paris. Keeping in mind that we're only talking about six episodes and anywhere between 40 to 50 minutes of actually air story time per episode. The other thing is they have to keep it simple and not get overly complicated in lesser important details.

The GA needs to be able to follow what's happening or will be able to piece together what's happening easily. The spin-offs and especially Daryl's and Rick/ Michonne's needs to hold on to their faithful fans, bring back old fans and create new ones. The plot line not being too overly complicated in order to understand what's going on will be very important.

As always there will be things that the writers will put in that in the scheme of things only a few will pick up on and poke and pick apart. We're part of that that very small group. There will be a lot of things that the majority of the viewers will never notice that we will be jumping out of our seats when we see it or hear it in the dialogue. I believe the writers, Gimple and a few of the long-term producers enjoy leaving these types of hints, clues and plot details that only a special few will pick up on and enjoy the genius of it all.

For the good of the overall TWDU franchise they need to increase their numbers of viewers and that means that they have a good overall story with lots of Walkers/zombies that has twist and turns and major shockers. That will keep the viewers happy and coming back for more. I think it's safe to believe that the things that they announce or allowed to be leaked are simply the things they want in the off-season for people to talk about, to keep the buzz going, but the things that will make viewers sit up in their seat and OMG!!! what did I just see, I've got to rewatch this! are not going to be leaked or previewed unless it's part of the plan to bring people in.

An example of this is knowing that Carol will be in s2 is making a lot of viewers very happy. It's not the shocker. The shocker will be something coming from left field (left=Beth) that no one, or at least the majority of the viewers are expecting. A shocker that will be talked about for days and week and people will tune in in order to see what comes next.

I warned you long ramble.

I definitely like the thought that Daryl would be keeping a verbal journal of his thoughts. I so agree with you that it would give a great opportunity to get into his mindset. It also opens up Daryl speaking, not just us watching him, but us being able to listen to him without having to create other characters that need to have some kind of deeper storyline in order to be believable that Daryl would be opening up to them with his inner thoughts.

Daryl's line of, "I went out looking for something," instead of," I went out looking for someone," suddenly struck me as making perfect sense if his search at this point is for information. He hasn't found the information, yet. His first mission is to locate the information. And if we are correct in that he finds either recordings or video information in that building where he appears to have an epiphany that in fact Beth lived past Grady, than that will send him on his next mission of finding her.

@galadrieljones:

In the original teaser, we see Daryl wash up on a straight beach. There’s no indication of where he is, as far as I can tell. There are beaches on the Opal Coast or northern coast of France but it wouldn’t make sense for him to then somehow end up in the Mediterranean. Ofc there are also lovely beaches on the southern coast of France. But how the heck would he have just ended up floating around in there? That’s a lot of information.

I think you’re right that his ultimate destination must be Paris, since that’s where we know of the majority of filming taking place, not to mention all the Paris clues in WB. I agree too that things need to stay somewhat simple. For him to end up in Marseille that is just mysterious enough to get us talking.

BUT it’s also somewhat bizarre. Why would he be in the Mediterranean Ocean?

Just enough intrigue. As far as the GA is concerned if they even saw the sneak peak they probably wouldn’t know where Marseille was. I’m not trying to denigrate them lol but even I wasn’t positive of where it was located and would have looked it up if you hadn’t already.

So to them it’s just, “oooh fancy France!” But there’s a deeper story implied here.

@wdway:

That's one of the examples of what I was talking about. The writers, Gimple knows that the average viewer does not care, nor would they take the time to even find out where it is, but we jumped on it and had great fun with it.

@galadrieljones:

Here is a French comm on YouTube wondering why he “took the long way,” when he could have docked in Normandy or Brittany. I scanned a lot of comments to find one person asking this question. Most are just stoked the show even exists.

@wdway:

I have some ideas about Carol and Daryl being taken but I need to do some research. It has to do with some subtle hints that were left in the s10&11 and all the things in Fear this season showing us the East Coast has brought certain ideas back to my mind of how I was toying around with how Daryl getting to France and now with including Carol how my original thought could be reworked to make sense. Only speculation but I'm looking for speculation that would make sense. I'll try to pull it together and kind of present it to you guys maybe late tonight or tomorrow.

@galadrieljones:

Looking forward to it!

Also an interesting discovery from the comments: the bridge Daryl crosses in the trailer is called the Pont-du-Gard and is a day’s trek on foot from Marseille. I looked it up and it is indeed on the way to Paris.

Not very far lol but perhaps a clue he is heading that way

@wdway:

This is not part of what I'll be researching and my theory I'll be putting out to you guys later. I just want to say if he originally landed by ship or plane around the Canary Islands/Dog Islands which is closer to Spain rather than go upward he takes another ship or other transportation around Spain and ends up in the coastal town.

Another thing is if this is in a later episode we don't know where he has been before that. Where he is when he meets the nun and her group. I feel that he very purposeful in the preview where he's going. This isn't random, he has a destination in mind. If he and Carol both knew that they want to find the lab or working place of the scientists then they would both know where they could ultimately find each other.

Even if they're not on the same time but I find each other later they know that they're going to be somewhere in the area of paris. Maybe for once they do plan out a system of clues of symbols that they can leave on walls or places along that way they would only recognize would be left by each other. I'm totally just rambling putting down thoughts as they occurred to me.

@wdway:

@galadrieljones, you are the queen of quick research so I have an assignment for you if you choose to accept it. Mission Impossible reference. Would you check out where the equivalent of the CDC would be in France.

@galadrieljones:

Lol I love it

I will see what I can find!!!!

@galadrieljones:

Okay so a couple results. First, in France, Sante Publique is the c for public health, and that is in Paris. However, unlike the CDC, the Sante Publique does not have any laboratories, and it is definitely not a Level 4 Biohazard research facility. The CDC seems unique in this respect. Sante Publique France seems more just like, a bureucratic c which publishes research, holds discussions and conferences, makes decisions on public policy based on health-related issues, etc.

There is also a Sante Publique Quebec in Canada. There are three Level 4 Biohazard research facilities in France. Two are military, one is a private research company that focuses on infectious diseases. Two are in the suburbs of Paris, and one is in Lyon, which is like 275 miles south west of Paris, in the direction if Marseille. Level 4 labs are “used to study infectious agents or toxins that pose a high risk of aerosol-transmitted laboratory infections and life-threatening disease for which no vaccine or therapy is available.”

So like, per Jenner’s example of “weaponized small pox.” There is one in Galveston, TX and several more in the US as well, beyond the CDC. So like it’s not totally a 1:1 comparison but if there was major virus research happening in france most likely it was happening near Paris. In the US, these facilities tend to be in weird, almost rural places, like Manhattan, KS and Hamilton, MT, I would imagine to keep bad things away rom population cs, but ofc we have the space for that.

@wdway:

I love how you included Manhattan as a rural location, haha.

Thanks for this information Tarah. I can always count on you for amazing research duty. The site in Lyon, France is interesting, don't you think. 80 miles from Marseille to the Pont-du-Gard and from there 146 to Lyon. That's regular roadways. It could definitely be a possibility of where he was going. The place we will be seeing is fictional. That there is a Level 4 laboratory in Lyon is a reasonable location with shown that Daryl pasted the Pont-du-Gard on his way to that building.that could be used within the story.

@galadrieljones:

Lol. Didn’t even think of that Manhattan, KS is some ways outside Topeka

[kitcat-italica]

A very specific and complain-y rant that is probably an example of kitcat's thin-skinned-ness incoming:

There's been 2 major instances this week of my fandom spaces being invaded, and I'm so fucking tired of it.

To clarify: I don't mean 'invaded' in the sense that I found some discourse I didn't like on Reddit, or people started showing up with bad faith takes in the Tumblr tags. Those are annoying, but they're not my fandom spaces — they're public spaces. Anyone can post whatever they'd like. You explore the public spaces of the internet at your own risk.

What I mean by 'invasion' is because these incidents happened on my own specific corners of the internet I have curated for my own fandom experience — namely my AO3 account of my own fic, and an invite-only discord server specific to a particular fandom. (Theoretically anyone out there could join that server, since the invite links are floating out there in public spaces? But the fandom is relatively small, and the number of active users on the server even smaller, so my experience of interacting with people on there qualifies it as a private fandom space.)

I am very protective of my private fandom spaces. I curate my internet experience through these spaces to be fun happy escapism from reality with like-minded people. If you find your way into my private fandom spaces, I would hope the understood expectation is that you add to that experience. Maybe that was too much to ask, idk.

Basically what happened was:

1. I started getting a bunch of comments on a fic from someone without an account. They kept changing their anon name to be different names? But it was obvious it was the same person. And they took the story that means a lot to me, and just started quoting certain parts of it wildly out of context, not really making coherent points and just kind of rambling, and making gross assumptions about it. I'm not really sure what response they're hoping to get? It's the strangest troll I've ever received, but I felt all kinds of gross after reading their 13 comments of this nature over the last 3 days.

2. Yesterday me and my discord server buddies were talking about the parts of canon that we really like, good-naturedly joking about parts of it, having fun. When all of a sudden, someone butts in to say that one of the parts I mentioned was one of the worst things about it that they didn't like. It was such an abrupt tone shift from the fun conversation that it really caught me off-guard? I was so taken aback I just commented "agree to disagree :)" and just shut down, and didn't participate in the conversation for the rest of the night.

It's so frustrating and heartbreaking to me, because it's not like I went trawling through public spaces and found some bad takes that I felt icky about. No, these are instances of people coming into my private internet spaces, and intentionally making thoughtless comments to bring down my (and maybe other people's) fun time. Maybe one of these instances would've rolled off me after an initial "ick" response, but the fact that it's been piling up on me in the last few days has just made it dig into my skin and stick there.

Part of me really doesn't want to participate in fandom anymore. I hadn't updated that AO3 fic for years now, but I was toying with the idea of picking it back up again. But now I squirm every time I think about what the potential response might be, if it's now on the radar of people like that. As for the discord server, maybe I'll bring it up to one of the mods, but it's not like the person did anything against the rules? They were just expressing their opinion like we all were. But I def don't feel as comfortable talking on there anymore.

I know I'm being very thin-skinned about all this, and in the grand scheme of things this is not that big of a problem. But it still feels awful, and a big piece of joy in my life has been shaken and gives me anxiety when I step into those spaces I used to enjoy.

[oflightningandstars]

Doctor Who spoilers for The Power of the Doctor - probably not in concrete, but definitely implied nevermind

I fully don’t know what I’m going to say about this episode until I write some stuff down. It will be rambley

I got caught up on all of Flux between yesterday and today so nothing has really had time to settle yet, and I imagine my thoughts and feelings will change as I think about stuff more and potentially rewatch (with my copious amounts of freetime /s)

But first off, as an episode, I highly enjoyed The Power of the Doctor. Like, the viewing experience was great, I had a great time watching it - and I can’t say the same for all episodes during 13′s tenure - which is probably why I should rewatch her whole time, because episodes that were meh on first watch might be better on rewatch

I saw a post being disappointed that they spent a year building up Yaz and the Doctor’s relationship and then just. Didn’t mention it. And you know what, I hadn’t thought about it in as many words but yeah, I am annoyed about that. Like, there were times when they could have put it in

It was cool and exciting to see old companions and old doctors - did kind of wonder why that was happening here and now, not that it was bad per se, but it didn’t feel as meaningful as previous times when companions have returned

THAT BEING SAID. I was actually really glad to see the companions making a space to be able to talk about their experiences with the Doctor with other people who understand what it’s like for them to come into your life and then leave and all the stuff that leaves you with. Companions Confidential, as I said to my dad (my dad and I are good at watching TV together because we both like making quips)

overall plot stuff - idk. I’m not sure I fully like. Internalized the plot, things just kind of happened, but I definitely was invested and along for the ride, so it didn’t detract from the experience. Also, I REALLY LIKED YAZ DOING THINGS THOUGH. Like, yeah, she had help from the hologram Doctor, but also she did fully figure out how to fly the TARDIS and I’m so fucking proud of her.

The inclusion of the song. You know the one. 10/10. My dad had never heard it before I showed it to him a few months ago, and that experience came in handy, which I wasn’t specifically expecting at the time, I was just surprised he had never heard it before

Vinder!! - it was cool to see him again, especially since I just binged Flux. Again, it did feel a bit like it just happened for no super big reason, but I’m also not sure I care, the Doctor’s companions teaming up to save the Doctor is excellent, 10/10 would recommend

[mins-fins]

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL] [PREVIEW].

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 2k (preview) | est. 21–22k (full fic)

NOTES: well! hi friends!! hi chenle stans!! hi jj!! as you can see, this is very.. questionable? surprising? one of the best isa works to every exist ever 😊???? this started off as a silly little thing that was supposed to be like 16k words at MOST and now im at 20k…..🙁 smoothie era came around and chenle began heavily heavily bias wrecking me and now i'm here, save me please 🙏 this is one of my fav opening scenes of any of my fics ever, i 💗 chenle, and thank you to user junjiie to listening to my many rants abt this fic and staring at the spoilers!! full thing will be out sometime next week, idk when tho so dont @ me if it doesn't come out at midnight on monday

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always know that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

[megismorallysunny]

HELLO AGAIN 20/09/23

ok so i said i might talk about a situation with a sub yesterday but i didnt end up writing about it, ok so our history and geography teacher was out probably bc theres a cold going around the school. anyways so we had a sub for the past two weeks and i was also out on friday which was a geography day, so this is all second hand information but its from my bestie "Diorite" nicknamed after my one of my fav blocks in minecraft. anyways so what happened is my class all got out of their seats because class was ending in under a minute. but anyways the sub gets mad and says "HEY EVERYONE SIT DOWN NOW ITS NOT THE END OF CLASS" and one of my classmates idk who says "but theres a few seconds left sir" and also its lunch next and the good things run out fast, my class is also in one of the hardest to get out of hallways so like it was completely justified. then the sub says "EMERALD YOUR STAYING AFTER CLASS" also ive nicknamed every1 in my class after a gem and emeralds a guy idk i think thats just a lil important. as soon as the bell goes emerald runs tf out and the sub RUNS AFTER HIM, he starts pushing people out of the way and yelling "EMERALD, EMERALD" apparently people from the canteen could here him, which is like far enough ish away. then the sub catches up and GRABS EMERALDS WRIST and emerald shouts at him "CLASS IS OVER SIR" and then the sub walks away, giving out under his breath. anyways the reason why i didnt say this on like saturday or whenever i said i was, was beacuse i was hoping for some kind of update. i was in school on monday and tuesday, we had first class with our tutor and she didnt mention anything but in english our teacher said "the bell doesnt dismiss you what does, emerald?" and emerald was like "uhh the bell?" and english teacher says "no emerald the teacher" also this came out of nowhere, we werent talking about anything like this before. so yeah quite confusing, and more confusing to pick emerald. on tuesday we had history first and i was really excited to see the sub bc it was gonna be really fucking entertaining. but turns out we had a different teacher. me and diorite were all like "omg i wonder what happened." diorite thinks he didnt want to sub for us anymore and admitted defeat, but i think that he got suspended. in second year a first year told on a teacher for swearing at her, and the teacher was like never seen after that. the teachers still dont talk about her or answer our questions. our history sub was weird, like proper weird, and very antisocial, like walks into other rooms to get stuff he needs during class which isnt too weird people forget things but he doesnt say hi or why hes there, anyways diorites in all my classes, bar woodwork, graphics, maths and business and while we were in history i said, "omg look at his head theres so much blood on it" and she snarkily replied with "yeah like you" (i had spots ok that sometimes bled but i hadnt had that for like 2 months so ty diorite that was luvely jubilee) then i said "no really look" and she gasped like proper gasped, she doesnt gasp not at all. so i was right yeah i know *mic drop* yeah yeah. but there was really a concerning amount of blood on the side of his head but id seen it before so i wasnt too creeped out. anyways not too much else happened so yeah hope you have a good morning, day and night. <333

[knittedkikwi]

personal post, time to scream into the void. please ignore.

So, i’ve been on a wild emotional ride the last two days. as is now becoming the usual with my personal posts, this is about The Guy. yesterday at the office puzzle, The Guy, another coworker, and I were talking about our plans for Barbenheimer. I only have plans for Barbie (going with my mom on Sunday) and The Guy only had plans for Oppenheimer. Other coworker asks if he’d nailed down a time yet and he mentions that the person he was going with (I’m gonna call her Laura for simplicity’s sake) had wanted to go to a time he couldn’t do.

Now, not gonna lie, I really only remember like half the conversation from there because my brain went into panic mode. I didn’t know that my brain could go into panic mode like that. I just went into this spiral of “oh god, i missed my chance. oh god, he’s seeing someone else. is that a date? do you take dates to movies about nuclear bombs? i would go on a date to a movie about a nuclear bomb so maybe? oh god have i been acting creepy? did i let myself get too comfortable and chased him away? have i been misinterpreting everything??? (which, considering that every time i see him do something that could maybe be interpreted as flirting, i immediately dismiss it as him just being my friend cause i legitimately can’t tell. i grew up on jane austen and tend to romanticize normal stuff, so how do you know????)” anyway, i just withdrew, cause if it is a date and he is seeing someone, then i have to get these feelings squashed real fast. my feelings are my problem and i won’t make him deal with them if he’s found someone.

but this morning, i asked my work bestie (who knows about my crush) if she knows Laura. she said she thinks that might be his friend from his last job and then went to investigate for me!! god, introverts, find yourself an extroverted friend who has no problem snooping. it does help. she was able to confirm that she is his friend from his previous job AT A MOVIE THEATER! OF COURSE they’re gonna go see one of the biggest movies of the summer together. She also said that he’s never shown the slightest interest in Laura and they’ve known each other for years. (I guess we’ll see if that changes after Oppenheimer. also, i’ve known people for years and not developed crushes on them til much later. crushes are few and far between in my world, so the idea of developing feelings for someone years down the road is not beyond the realm of possibility for me.)

Anyway, work bestie then gets it into her head to try to get a group of people together to go watch Barbie on Tuesday when movies are $5 at our theater. She then stopped by my office on the way back to let me know that The Guy went from not being interested (by that point he had made tentative plans to go with his family on Sunday also) to saying “put me down as a maybe” after she said that I might be going (i have a feeling i’ll want to see this movie twice). now, it’s entirely possible that he just said that to get her to leave him alone. work bestie has a very forceful personality and she’s hard to say no to. that’s how i ended up running a dnd game for her (which is a blast btw. this group is great.) but she seemed to think it was because she dropped my name and that......that felt GOOD. idk if it’s true, but god i want to think it is. it was at least enough to pull me out of the funk i was in.

but then i faced the next challenge of the day. Puzzle time. when neither of us have other plans, we both just work on the puzzle for all of lunch. this was a 500 piece picture of deer. we’d made it down to the bottom of it, which was pretty much just all brown and was actually quite tricky cause brown deer in brown grass is hard to differentiate and there’s a horrible glare when sitting on my side. to combat that, i tend to keep my head low so the glare is mostly on the sky part of the puzzle. now, the issue is, i’m hovering a couple of inches over the puzzle, all of the open spaces are on my side. he’s putting pieces in the puzzle and quite often reaching past my face. i’m having to catch myself multiple times from just, like, kissing his hand. i didn’t know that was an impulse i could have! but his hand is right there and it want to touch him so freaking bad that i guess it just kind of morphs into that. idk, it’s weird. the whole thing is weird. really i just want a hug. but, the good news is i have many years of practice at keep all my weird impulses bottled up. you can’t work customer service for years if you don’t learn to think one thing and then do another. (customer is always right my ass....yes ma’am, i can process this (blatantly a scam) return for you....ugh i hated retail).

so, moral of the story, i guess i’m still just in limbo, still grappling with my feelings on my own (and occasionally with the help of work bestie). and sending them out to you, oh wonderful void.

.

.

.

.

although i do have a few more things i want to vent about, since i’m out here. two things in particular. first, he did invite me out for a group lunch on friday, which is new. like, it is a group thing at work, so definitely not a date, but it’s not an official work get-together and he thought to include me. that feels nice.

second, i have no idea why i can’t let this go, but i can’t. i just need to tell someone, even if it is tumblr. idk. he called out sick one morning last week, and when he finally did sign on (from home, so it’s not like i saw him come in or we ran into each other or anything) he sent me this in the chat...

like, i know that sending a gif of obi wan saying hi seems like a very mundane thing, and i am probably overanalyzing (i mean, i overanalyze everything, so here we are) but he wasn’t feeling well. he’d already been offline most of the day. he could have easily just hopped on, joined the meeting he hopped on for, and then hopped off under the assumption that i would never notice (he would be wrong. I 100% noticed his status turn active like 10 minutes before he sent me this. he’s always towards the top of my recent chats.) or claim that he just didn’t feel well enough to do more than the minimum, but he decided to say hi in perhaps the funniest way possible and it’s perfect. somehow it has the same feel as ricky ricardo shouting “lucy, i’m hooommmee” (look, i watched a LOT of retro tv growing up. I Love Lucy, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, watched it all.) 

again, it could just be him wanting to talk with someone about something other than work on a day that was otherwise going to be sickness and meetings (which sounds horrible to me), but it feels different somehow. like, sure, maybe he just wanted to talk to someone, anyone, but he reached out to ME. idk if I was top of the list, but like i said, he’d only been on for about 10-15 minutes, so i must have at least been pretty high up there. i guess what i really want is someone to read through our chats with an outside perspective and tell me if he’s flirting or not, cause i can’t tell. I would like to circle back to the point i made way back in the beginning about being raised on jane austen and romanticizing the mundane (although, i’m not sure i can actually say “raised on” because i’m the one who sought out her books. my parents certainly weren’t reading them to me. they were too busy trying to get me to read agatha christie.) is this just me romanticizing someone trying to break up their day? no matter what, it’s been a week and it’s still making me giggle, so i guess i’ll just enjoy that.

[blackvail22]

i have to write down what im gonna say to my counselor because i genuinely have to make sure i have all of my thoughts straightened out so i dont blank like i always do

ok

my sister moved out on friday and saturday. it feels easier than last time, but it still doesnt feel right. like, i look at my clock when it's almost 4 and i think "oh, my brother will be home soon" and then it reaches 5 and im like "oh, my sister will be home soon" but they never arrive. its a sad realization every time but... yeah. i hung out with my sister and her friend on friday when my sister started moving. her friends personality is very... big, loud, but she can't help it so i dont mind it. my mood went from reserved -> opening up -> starting to be myself -> shut down. like, i was fine until i jokingly said "you have friends?" to my brother, when i know that he does..., and he said "i have more than you" and then he said that my online friends dont count. which, sure... i dont leave my house to see and hang out with them, but they're still friends; i still hang out with them somehow. idk, it just made me feel like .... idk what the word is.... it was just on the spot, and the way everyone was looking at me.. its like i was scared. not like anxiety-scared, but scared-scared. i dont really know why, though? i mean, actually.... i do have a bf and it kinda felt like they were invalidating that (even though they dont know about it and actually only .... hmm.... a few people know aobut it but i digress) but other than that, i dont really get it? it felt like they thought i was just being overdramatic when i said "they dont really hang out with me though" . ANYWAY yeah, i felt sad after that and like my walls went up too. on saturday i dont remember anything significant happening.. ijust remember i worked that day. i worked sunday too. after work on sunday, i have a lot of time because i had an early shift. i started to clean up all of the clothes i have everywhere. i mean, i guess i did alright, but my room still isnt clean somehow so. oh, also late that night i tried moving my bed into my sisters old room and i couldnt drag it like i could my other mattresses because theres a protector on it, so i got my bed, like, stuck and i slept on the floor of my sisters old room LOL it was kinda nice though. monday my brother got the bed in the room and it was nice. i put my desk in this room too. i dont have many of my things in here. i like how little things r in here. sometimes when i have too much stuff in a space i feel like so.... panicked. idk. i like how empty it feels in here. i might never put the rest of my stuff in here lol. uhh and then tuesday (yesterday) i worked as usual. i was talking with my old coworker though about life n stuff and she mentioned how she was looking for a roommate for when she rents and appartment and i offered to be her roommate so thats something now. i havent told anyone else about it because i feel like my mom and dad would be like pissed off which.... doesnt make a lot of sense to me because im less than 3 weeks away from being 18 and i told her i wouldnt rlly be able to move in until early september because of my surgery but anyway.... it makes me anxious to think aobut anyway because i dont have a license UHHH so ... itll be so hard getting to and from my appts and going to and from work. so thats kinda stresful but yeah that was my week. so much to talk about!!!

i stg me talking abt all of this is going to leave me with 45+ minutes to fill because all of this is like nothing LOLLLl