#i need to be able to function even if my workplace sucks

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

i keep thinking about how my (assumed) adhd symptoms have gotten way worse since i switched from a workplace i liked to one i really don't like. my motivation is at an all time low and the executive function is just gone. every day i'm like 'oh wow that's 5 things i need to do and now i have less time to do them. yay'

[mins-fins]

☆ 1 killing my boss challenge!

❝ day 1289 of work, trying

my best not to quit.. ❞

⌗ NOTE 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 welcome to chapter one ☺️!! now this definitely might be a little underwhelming for a first chapter but tbh im just so excited for this i love nct dream in a silly sitcom style fic (poor reader is suffering i am so sorry) but anyway love you all it is currently midnight so goodbye

⌗ WORD COUNT 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 1.1k

⌗ MASTERLIST | NEXT

YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO WORK TODAY.

you really shouldn't, you don't want to. you can practically hear the sound of your managers piercing screams before you even step out of the house, and you swear it makes you shiver. you don't even have to look into the other room to know that renjun already left, these days, he usually gets up and leaves the house earlier than you do, but he never forgets to leave a note to tell you.

when you walk into the kitchen, the first thing you notice is a sticky note on the cabinet. you can immediately recognize renjun's handwriting, and you simply smile immediately upon seeing the note.

left early again.. sorry mark needed me for something :( see you later i love you!! — renjun♡

you let out the slightest giggle, rubbing your hands over your face before sighing. you place your hands onto the counter, and stare at the digital clock before you. you've never been late to work, even with how late you leave the house, and as you in stare at the time, going from 7:32 to 7:33 am, you almost consider staying home and being lazy.

you want to be lazy.

you want so badly to be lazy.

you do not want to go to work.

but who else is going to pay all your expenses if it isn't you?

so you roll your eyes and suck it up, grabbing your stuff and walking out of your shared dorm.

it's a saturday! a saturday and i'm fucking working!

you twirl your keys around your fingers and whistle a song to yourself. another day, another inclusion of grueling hours of yelling and trying to stop your coworkers from getting themselves fired added to your week. you wish you could stay home for a day, but without you, the workplace really doesn't function correctly.

and that's not just you saying that! mark has told you that on the several occasions where you got the seven of your crazy coworkers out of trouble.

and do you constantly risk your job to make sure that the idiots you work with do not lose their jobs? yes, but can you help it? no.

at this point, your surprised how you haven't lost your job with how many times you take the fall for your coworkers.

when you arrive at the store, you sigh, you almost consider turning around and walking all the way home, because you feel like if you step into the store and clock in you are genuinely going to punch the first customer that yells at you.

but, you have a job to do, and you have money to make.

you can practically hear the complaints from your mother as you step in. why do you even work there? you could find so many better jobs!

yeah well nobody else is hiring!

you'd rather stay here than take the risk of quitting and not being able to find a new job.

"you're late!" donghyuck yells at you as you walk through the door. he smirks as your face falls, you just walked in and you already wanna walk straight out, amazing!

"i'm ten minutes early" you state, gritting your teeth, he stares at you for a moment before rolling his eyes. "if anyone is gonna be late it's jaemin.." you mumble, immediately clocking in as you stand beside him.

donghyuck once again chuckles at you, a shit-eating grin coming to his face as he thinks about a stupid joke he told yesterday. "oh, by the way, yoon wanted me to give this to you".

you raise an eyebrow, confused, but donghyuck just gives you a post-it note with your boss' handwriting on it.

i'm out for an emergency today, so you are in charge, make sure to keep everything in check y/n - yoon jaeho.

you reread the thing at least four times before sighing and placing your head down onto the counter, already regretting coming into work. donghyuck looks over your shoulder to read the sticky note, and immediately bursts into a loud fit of laughter. "holy shit he left you in charge!?"

you want to scream and cry, seriously.

"well good luck y/n, break a leg!" donghyuck pats your back aggressively, hitting it more than patting it.

"don't hit me lee donghyuck".

the stern tone you give him makes him roll his eyes once again, and you flick him in the forehead before walking past him towards the staff room. when he walks through the door, he's met with a specific smiling individual.

"hi y/n!"

"good morning".

renjun gives a smile to you, mark waves, and jeno looks surprised that you even showed up. "i thought you would've stayed home.." he mutters.

you furrow your eyebrows. "why that?"

"you took like fifty exams yesterday" mark says with an exaggerated tone, you barely stifle your laugh, and end up letting out a displeasing sounding snicker. "i genuinely thought you would've overslept".

"oh believe me, i tried to oversleep, i failed".

at the words, jeno laughs, covering his mouth with his hand, renjun just sighs, shaking his head. you scan the room, then stop, because there are people missing.

"where are chenle and jisung?" you inquire, now those two aren't the most reliable people out of all eight of you, but they usually clock in not long after you, sometimes even before you, so them not being here despite the fact that they have to be is.. strange.

"oh, apparently they're coming with jaemin today" jeno responds.

you blink, as if trying to process the very words that jeno just told you. was he serious? "what?"

"yep" renjun nods, chewing obnoxiously loud as he ignores mark's continuous poking on his shoulder. "i don't know why either, i think they just got lazy".

you refrain yourself from absolutely going insane and shouting, because you were left in charge, so you have to keep your cool and stay calm. you sigh and punch the bridge of your nose. "okay yeah um, whatever i'll just talk to them when they get her—"

"y/n!"

you jump as donghyuck peaks into the room, smiling at everyone before deadpanning at you. "um we have an issue with a customer that somehow doesn't understand the layout of the place".

you blink. "what?"

"yeah apparently she needs a verbal instruction on how to navigate the place and your the only person that knows the place like the back of your hand, so..." donghyuck waves to jeno, then looks back to you with that signature empty state of his as he awaits your response.

"i— alright, yeah i'm coming" you slightly wave him off and look back to the three in the room. "be good" you command, pointing your finger at the three of them, as if accusingly.

"aye aye captain" mark replies, saluting to you. you chuckle before yelping as you get pulled out of the room by donghyuck.

"ow! hyuck my arm!"

oh you had a long day ahead of you.

[dark-muse-iris]

Pre-dystopian era truly encapsulates pre 2020 now doesn't it? 😂 The things the last 2 almost 3 years have brought forth in humanity is 👀 disappointing at the best of times.

I'm surprised to see just how the app has changed, as I haven't had the chance to hop on desktop just yet. It seems...almost functioning? No more character limit on asks is nice as now I don't have to break this into 6 different messages 😂 New settings and everything else to try and figure out.

I've turned 24 this last July, and the last time I was truly active on here I was 21 so the personal growth and loss that have come with that is interesting for sure. I've lost both my grandmas in the past year and my living grandfather has already remarried (oh boy the family drama that caused), moved twice and live with my boyfriend of 3 years, have gone NC with his narc family and LC with mine as best as possible, started a job that has me earning the most I ever have financially but definitely have cost a part of my soul 💀😂 and I'm trying my best to get to a place in my life where I'm debt free and in a industry I actually love and care for (cannabis and growing it) and get my boyfriend the disability coverage he needs but I'm sure you're well aware that its a poor joke of trying to get that approved. So on some notes, its been good and I've changed into a better person but also if anything bad happens in 2023 I'm very fragile about it 😂😅

I understand the "striving for mediocrety" as a workplace mentality, and just how exhausting it can feel with wanting to bring better things to the office and just getting shot down. The old dodgers of "this is how we've always done it" dont always seem to realize that doing the same thing for 40+ years only works when the system isn't as broken as it is (or if it even worked in the first place). Is being remote going to give you the chances to take care of your sleep issues and anything else health related thats popped up for you? Ik last I checked you were doing the testing to see if it was more than standard narcolepsy.

(I'll probably message again and finish my thoughts but I am night shift and my break just ended so I gotta head back. It's so nice talking to you again ☺️💕)

I’m sorry to hear about your grandmas. I lost two of mine since 2020 and it’s been really hard on the family. If my grandfather had remarried that quickly, I’d be scratching my head as to how they were able to make it happen. My grandfather doesn’t appear to be dating, but that’s likely because 1) he cooks, and 2) he’s got stage 4 cancer, courtesy of U.S. chemical warfare in Vietnam.

As someone who works in a soul-sucking job that pays well, let me just say: it’s worth it. It is absolutely worth it to have a full belly and warm place to sleep during recession years. When I worked in industries I loved and didn’t have enough to eat, I resented my dreams and hated myself for having them. Letting those dreams go gave me the chance to have other dreams and I’ve been able to forgive myself for being so hard in my early 20s. It can take years to get the life you want, so don’t let anyone shit on you for doing what you have to do to eat in the meantime, especially anyone of the older generations who did their part to suppress our standard of living.

The insistence on clinging to broken systems of the past is one big reason I transferred jobs. There’s a lot of that still going around. My managers were panicking and kept asking why I was leaving; I think they finally understood how far I’m willing to go to make sure “office culture” won’t waste my time anymore. For me, being a remote employee streamlines my workflow and reduces my workplace accommodations for narcolepsy by half. It’s also much easier to manage my ADHD at home where I can remove distractions. In the office, no one was working on our job shit; everyone just gathered around to talk about their kids or health problems or ridiculous work drama they didn’t plan on fixing themselves. I had forgotten how much time people wasted just bitching for nothing. When I hear a complaint, I want to fix the problem and get rid of it, but that wasn’t a good fit. My colleagues wanted free therapy from someone their kid’s age because *surprise* their kid isn’t talking to them anymore.

I’m hopeful for cannabis and glad you’re pursuing the field! It’s not fully legal where I live, but I have many chronically ill family and friends who rely on it because they can’t take meds or afford the healthcare they need. I have some family who are growers in different states where it’s allowed and they’re happy with the work they’re doing. I never had the green thumb for that; I’m the only who would take dead grass and make a basket out of it.

[sunny-satellites]

This going to be a huge frustration post but I'm genuinely beyond a point where I can tolerate my job. All they'd have to do to easily attract new workers is boost our salary by a whole ass 30%. We make like nothing. Nobody has been hired externally for my shift in two years! And it's just me and a single other person who sucks so bad both as a person and at his job, a guy who won't stop eyefucking me from across the building to make sure I adhere to his definition of "Hard work."

Not only that but there's this act of corporate violence that's been thrust upon me because department policy and workplace policy are allowed to be inconsistent so now in order to take two sick days, I need a doctor's note which is unusual from our department policy. It's because my boss only cares about his own ass and how easy his end of the job is, but couldn't stop being a hypocrite long enough to keep more than a single worker who really isn't here by choice. To top it off I'm under scrutiny every time I take a single sick day because we're so short staffed, I'm viewed as hurting the "team" whenever I actually need to use the time I have.

So I'm here today, feeling the burnout and depression and anxiety and exhaustion like never before, wondering genuinely if there's something else wrong with my body I need to begin to medically investigate. I don't think even in a job like this it's normal to feel this tired? But I'm fucking exhausted from 2 years of staffing issues, a shitty boss, and worse upper management.

Like I went through covid on the front line and eventually just had to start accepting that either I was going to get it and live or die. I lucked out due to being a little freak when it came to sanitization and managed to not get it while everyone around me got it at least once. My workplace pretended it didn't exist after Abbott's installed stooges revoked protocol because the oil barons were hurting, but we still kept utilities shut off and self-cleaning oxidant covers on elevator buttons and doors. Basically pretending the problem didn't exist meanwhile fighting it. My burnout started to get really bad around june of this time.

Apparently our leadership is using a lawsuit (whose punitive damages just wrapped up) to waive any notion of a cost of living adjustment this year. During a year in which we're projected to make record profits and record throughput. The company I work for is worth 5.5 billion in annual income, granted it's a state job. But they do vastly intend for this fucking place to be profitable and its insulting when if you talk to anyone who works as a liason between low-level and the administration, you'll probably hear they're frustrated with how the Admin sector OKd a 30,000 cost of living adjustment across the board for everyone at that stage and up. It's all just lies that crumble as soon as you turn on the microscope.

I need to find a new job fast because I'm just.. so tired I can't function every time my work week starts any longer. Your girl is in fact going the fuck through it and I don't want to any longer. I want to be able to put most of my energy toward my loved ones and not.. feeling like I'm using everything just to survive the start of my work week.

[jessicajonesrp]

Danny Returns

It had seemed like an eternity for Jessica, waiting for Luke to return. She isn’t sure what she expects him to do, exactly. Nothing he does is going to make Trish less sad, and it isn’t his place to be the one there, trying to hold the broken pieces together. That’s Jessica’s job, as much as she feels she sucks at it and will inevitably make things worse. Whatever her limitations, Trish is her sister, and she’s the one who understands the very complicated relationship she and her mother had. She is the only one other than Trish who has a level of understanding of the contradictory, complex person that Dorothy had been. Luke won’t be able to be there for Trish in the way that Jessica knows she has to be, and she doesn’t feel that she has the right to ask him to be there for her.

Still. She wants him there. Selfish and weak as she feels it to be, she wants him there, at least present and at a supportive distance as she struggles to be there for Trish.

She breathes a sigh of relief when she hears him come inside, lifting her head when he looks in on them. Trish barely stirs; if anything she closes her eyes against his voice, seeming to want to block out the world. Jessica nods at him, her voice detached even to her own ears.

“Thanks. I don’t think she’ll eat right now, and I’m not hungry. Maybe later.”

It’s another hour before Trish finally drifts off to sleep, and Jessica waits until she can hear her stuffy breathing become more even and regular before she gently detaches herself. She keeps her movements slow and quiet to keep from disturbing her as she leaves the bedroom, taking a long shower. She still feels as though her body and her mind are separate entities, existing somehow not together but in parallels of each other, so as she washes herself she is surprised to find that there are dried remnants of tears on her cheeks. When had she cried, and how had she not noticed this?

As she emerges, she takes the soup and some spoons Luke had left out and also snags a bottle of whiskey for herself. Holding the items, she says briefly to Luke, “Sorry. I guess you get the couch again for a night or so. I can’t leave her by herself right now.” She paused, her lips briefly thinning, before saying quietly, “Thanks for coming back.”

She doesn’t tell him that she’s glad he didn’t find Phillip. She isn’t sure that she is, to be honest. Right now she doesn’t feel much of anything at all.

The next few days are even more excruciatingly long and painful for Jessica as she struggled to take over managing Trish’s needs along with the needed but infuriating details of handling Dorothy’s death and the necessary arrangements. Trish had almost completely shut down. Jessica had seen her high, drunk, and in withdrawal more times than she cared to remember, and yet she had never seen her retreat into such dark and blank grief as she was showing now. Even in the aftermath of physical abuse from her mother and sexual abuse from movie producers in her childhood, Trish had never seemed so shattered that Jessica could not tease, coax, or bully her into functioning on some level. Jessica wasn’t an overly analytical person when it came to emotions, but it was starkly obvious to her that no matter how badly Trish got along with Dorothy at times or how unhealthy their relationship, she must still have deeply craved the eventual approval of her mother. For this now to be forever impossible seemed to have rendered her almost immobile with shock and pain.

Jessica answered Trish’s phone for her, informing her workplace in no uncertain terms that she would not be returning to work or making any sort of public statements until she damn well expressed the desire to. She told those offering condolences to save it for emails and managed the details of arranging for Dorothy’s autopsy, funeral services, and speaking to the officers investigating the case with the minimal amount of consulting with Trish about it that was possible. Of course, she didn’t tell the police any information about her brother’s involvement. She couldn’t bring herself to do that, even though she was well known to them herself at this point and they would no doubt believe a relative of hers as capable of the ability and violence to cause what had occurred. For one thing, Phillip Jones was supposed to be dead, and given what had just happened to Dorothy, it didn’t feel fair to Trish to further tarnish her reputation by explaining the part she had played in this lie being widespread. For another, Jessica herself worried more for the safety of any normal police officers on Phillip’s tale. Whatever he might do to them if he felt himself cornered would be on her own head. If they found him on their own, that was one thing; she wasn’t about to hand him over. Besides, it wasn’t like she knew where the hell he was anyway.

She spent most of the time not unwillingly speaking to people on the phone either sitting with Trish, keeping her company. She was scared to leave her alone in the state she was in. Trish had never expressed suicidal ideations before, but she had overdosed enough in her drug years and almost died during the Simpson era of last year that it was often a fear Jessica carried in the back of her mind. She couldn’t take losing Trish, not now. Not after everything. So she stayed shadow close to her, making her eat what Trish would accept, making her use the restroom, brush her teeth, change her clothes, and shower. Other than that, she just sat with her, not trying to talk to her or force her to talk.

She was feeling progressively worse physically herself, but she ignored this, focusing on trying to keep Trish healthy. It was weird. Drinking wasn’t giving her the relief and numbness that she usually sought; in fact, it seemed every time she tried, she got sick to her stomach soon after to the point of actually vomiting. For Jessica, who was used to drinking very large quantities without ill effect, this was mysterious, but she chalked it up to stress and kept determinedly trying- and failing- to drink. Food was more or less not a priority to her; if she couldn’t drink without puking, she sure as hell didn’t feel like eating. It was difficult for her to sleep deeply when she was trying to simultaneously listen out for Trish, and what she sleep she did get was broken often by nightmares.

But the worst of it was that she had no idea where Phillip was or what he was doing. She refused to watch the news, even when Trish was asleep; there was far too much about Dorothy and Trish on at all hours. For all she knew, he could have burned half the city at this point. She figured Luke would tell her if he had.

After three days of enormous stress and strain, she finally heard a knock on the door. Trish was awake but not communicating much, as was normal now, and Jessica got up, murmuring to her she would be back. Her shoulders are rigid with the possibility that it could be Phillip on the other side, and she said to Luke shortly, “Keep an eye on Trish, you didn’t order delivery, did you?”

When she looked through the keyhole and saw that it was Danny standing on the other side, her legs went weak, and she sucked in her breath, a burst of gladness sparking through her chest for the first time in days. She went to open the door, but instead of hugging him or stepping back to let him in, she socked him hard in the shoulder, three times in a row.

“Where the fuck have you been, what the fuck took you so long to get back here?! Do you realize that we needed you here, do you realize that we’re fucking drowning, while you go off to some stupid god world and fight for people that should fight for themselves?! Meanwhile my dead brother is a serial killer who killed Trish’s mother and half a dozen others, and you just left us to deal with this alone! I’m fucking done with this, done!”

When she started yelling Jessica went lightheaded by the first sentence. She hasn’t been moving much for the past few days and she’s dehydrated from attempting to drink, getting sick with it, and then not drinking enough non alcoholic fluids to make up with it. By her last three words she had stumbled back, tripped, and her legs gave out so she fell more or less to her knees, tears breaking forth for the first time since she saw the news. She doesn’t even know why she’s crying, or why she’s so angry, but she but she feels like she has unleashed something she’s been holding back and it refuses to come back inside her.

[grukk]

Me and depresso

Sorry, but after watching so many people fake disorders, I just feel like I have to say this:

The only time I feel like self diagnosis is valid: 

I am lowkey self diagnosed with depression. I have not recieved an official diagnosis, but I am open about it with my physician.

The reason why this is valid: Depression often goes hand in hand with my ACTUAL diagnosis, which is ADHD. 

I have brought it up with several physicians and psychiatrist during on and off sessions, and none of them has denied it whatsoever.

My physician agreed that I needed help and has referred me to therapy.

We both agree if that does not work, I will need to get assessed for an actual diagnosis of depression to recieve medications.

my goal is not clout. My goal is to be able to function like a normal human being. I am about to turn 24 years old, and I have been dealing with this on my own for over half of my life.

Self diagnosis is not valid unless you are doing it with the intent of seeking actual treatment.(and even then it is hardly so)

It is not valid because it won’t do shit for you, lemme tell you! The reason why a diagnosis is needed is when you require treatment/medical, benefits and/or accomondations at school/workplace etc.to be able to function on a daily basis. Self diagnosis will not do this for you.

However, with that being said. It does not mean that your experiences aren’t valid. My recommendation: If you are struggling and you think you might have, let’s say ADHD, there is absolutely no harm in joining online support forums on sites such as reddit or tumblr, to look for ways to deal with certain symptoms. Also it is a quick way to see if you recognize yourself in the experiences of everyone else there. 

What isn’t okay: Invading tags meant for support and acting out “symptoms” for attention. It is not cute, quirky or fun. Mental illness fukkn sucks and I would give up my arm just to know what life is like for a neurotypical person, if only for a second. 

[staytheb]

Scenery

Pairing: SF9′s Youngbin x OC [Seul] || TBZ’s Sangyeon x OC [Yeon] ] Genre: slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 3,453 Summary: Seul and Yeon are having a female-only bonding time before attending to their respective bosses after the outing.

Warning: none... i’m pretty sure.

hello! it’s been awhile hasn’t it? had writer’s block but eventually found some inspiration and came up with this. anyways, this is the Office Life with Yeon and Seul which i’ll make a separate post soon as it’ll get crowded later if i continued writing for these pairs lol but yeah, i think that’s about it. so happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

Yeon held a large leaf in hand whereas Seul held the clear umbrella over them with one hand as the sisters looked at one another with smiles on their faces to which they posed for the so-called candid shot in request of their mother and soon-to-be stepmother.

"Ooh, lovely, girls!"

Narae exclaimed as she proudly took the picture of her two daughters before looking over at her ex-husband's fiancee.

"Don't you think, Sanghee?"

"Yes, Narae. They're quite lovely."

Sanghee then glanced at Jangmi in her arms.

"Right, Jangmi? Mommy and Auntie Yeonnie looked pretty, huh?"

"Pretty! Pretty!" Jangmi cooed with a laugh as Sanghee continued speaking.

"That's right. You can't tell that they were annoyed with us at all throughout the day."

Jangmi agreed with a happy-go-lucky attitude as the older women chuckled leaving the younger two to eyed them a bit annoyed. Of course Jangmi had no clue what was going on besides knowing that she was having a grand time.

"Obviously." Yeon curtly responded while fingering the plant between her index finger and thumb before handing it to Jangmi.

"When y'all wanted to talk about the future of our soon-to-siblings, I didn't expect to be out here at Dream Forest having a grandmother-mother-daughter-granddaughter-auntie-niece whatever bonding time."

"Yeah," Seul agreed while handing the clear umbrella to her daughter as Sanghee set her down as the little one ran about them.

"Although I don't really mind, but we haven't even talked much. Just sight-seeing."

"If we did that, then we knew that Yeon wouldn't come." Sanghee explained with a knowing look.

"Um, yeah."

Yeon shot them a pointed look.

"I wouldn't even be wearing this dress if it was my choice."

"But you look so beautiful, my daughter." Narae cooed. "I can't imagine how you'll look at the wedding for Sanghee and Kisuk soon."

"Or for yours and Yongin." Sanghee added with a similar attitude.

Both women gushed at the idea of their weddings, but also that the other three would be a part of it. Yeon's face scrunched at both possibilities being very likely soon as Seul shoulder her with a mischievous look.

"Yeah, two events where you'll have to be all dressed up."

"Ugh. Don't remind me. I still have to go dress shopping for Sanghee's engagement party."

"Yeah, you still have several weeks before then." Sanghee smiled as Yeon sighed tiredly.

"But I still have to get dressed up."

"Oh, you'll live." Narae told her eldest daughter before taking another photo with a grin.

Narae took a few more of her  granddaughter.

"No wonder you get that from her." Yeon remarked to Seul as the younger sister chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways," Seul changed the topic, "What else is on the agenda for today?"

"Nothing really." Narae answered with Sanghee nodding.

"Yeah. We mainly just wanted to get away for a few hours."

"Seriously?"

Yeon was not amused.

"We could've gone literally anywhere outside of Seoul for a better scene."

"Well, technically, it was more for the two of you then us." Narae explained with a sheepish look. "Sanghee mentioned some incidents at work and we both agreed that the two of you needed some relaxation in your schedule."

Sanghee held up a hand in her defense.

"To be truthful, it was just our idea. Kisuk is still unaware that the two of you work at EDAM since the both of you have applied under an alias."

"Okay, but y'all still could've just told us that, too." Seul said with a firm tone. "It's not like we're three."

"That's quite true." Narae agreed before shooting her daughters a knowing look. "But the same goes for the two of you when applying for a job outside either family's workplaces. You could've just rejected the positions we had aligned for you."

"Nah, Dad would've forced us either way."

Seul remarked as Sanghee nodded knowing that was the truth.

"Yes, that's true. Kisuk seems like the type."

Narae changed the subject a second later.

"Yes, he very much is. Anyways, let's get lunch on our way back home. Jangmi you're hungry, right?"

"Yeah! Food! Let's go!"

Jangmi charged on ahead as the umbrella and leaf in each hand moved about her in motion while the quartet followed suit with smiles on their faces. The quintet enjoyed a nice meal at a nearby restaurant while discussing Sanghee's engagement party as well as the future of the newborns. After that both Narae and Sanghee went about their own day leaving the trio to return home after stopping by a bakery along the day.

"Can Auntie have some of your milk bread?"

Yeon asked her niece while placing her hand near the said dessert.

"No."

Jangmi declined with a giggle as she moved the treat away from Yeon's reach.

"Are you three, too?"

Seul questioned her sister with Yeon frowning.

"Um, yeah I am because that was mine before your daughter wanted to trade because she didn't like the mango yogurt."

"Then you should've just ordered her the same thing than let her decide."

"Yeah, I know, but I wanted Jangmi to decide for herself since she liked how the drink looked."

Yeon went back to eating the yogurt while watching her niece happily tear apart the milk bun. Seul scoffed with a knowing smile.

"Sucks for you."

Yeon ignored her as Seul answered a call that came shortly after.

"Hello?"

Seul immediately muted the call while facing her sister.

"Um, it's my boss. I'll be back."

Seul patted her daughter's head.

"Mommy got a call, okay. Be good for Auntie Yeonnie, okay?"

"Otay!"

Jangmi responded cheerfully as Seul cast the two a smile before standing and walking out of the shop. Yeon watched her sister before facing her niece.

"If auntie buys another one, then you won't take that one, right?"

"No."

Jangmi giggled while chewing a piece of the condensed milk bread as Yeon knew that her niece was lying, but smiled anyways.

"Hey," Came Seul's voice as she returned, "I have to run some errands for my boss. Will you be able to watch Jangmi alone?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Do what you gotta do." Yeon told her sister.

"Thanks."

Seul patted her daughter's head.

"Mommy gotta work. Be good for Auntie Yeonnie until I'm done. Okay?"

"Otay. Love you."

Jangmi puckered her lips as Seul leaned closer for a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, and Mommy loves you, too."

Seul returned the same gestured before leaving with the umbrella that Yeon handed to her.

"Okay, so it's just you and me, MiMi. What do you wanna do after this?"

~~~~~~~

"Thank you for taking care of this errand on short notice, Ms. Lee. I really appreciate it."

Youngbin thanked Seul with a grateful smile as she brought him the Milkis cake from Tous Les Jours for a business function at the Four Seasons Hotel. He noticed her attire with a slight frown as the pair met at the front desk.

"I didn't pull you away from a previous engagement, did I? You didn't get caught in the rain either, I hope."

Seul shook her head.

"Oh, no. You didn't and the rain was very light out, but you're welcome, Mr. Kim. Luckily, I was nearby after an outing with family."

She vaguely informed him as she knew that Youkyoung was supposed to have ordered the cake and have it deliver beforehand, but no order was made and it left Seul to scramble at the last minute on her boss' behalf. Youngbin was unable to get a hold of his secretary as well.

"Oh, okay. That's good to hear."

Seul cast him a small smile.

"Will there be anything else, Mr. Kim?"

"No. I should be fine now. Thank you, Ms. Lee."

He looked about him before returning his gaze onto his personal assistant.

"Hopefully Ms. Seo will arrive and I won't have to bother you too much."

"Well, I am your personal assistant and it is my job to take care of errands and other miscellaneous things that Ms. Seo is unable to."

"Yes, very true. Well, Ms. Lee, have a wonderful evening."

"And the same to you, Mr. Kim."

Seul cast him one more polite smile before turning away. Her attention soon drifted to another part of the lobby upon recalling Sanghee wanted to have her engagement here at the same hotel. The hall was large and consisted of an indoor pool along with an amazing view. This piqued Seul's curiosity as she entered.

"Wow, this is really pretty."

She said to no one in particular as she moved closer to view the outside better, but avoided being close to the pool itself as she didn't have spare clothes to change into if she did get fully wet.

"No wonder Sanghee wants her party here. This will definitely be beautiful at night."

There were other guests of the hotel and of the business function scattered about in the room as well.

"Whoa, Yiseul Park, is that you I see looking so lovely right now?" Dawon said with a surprised teasing tone in seeing his friend and fellow colleague.

"What are you doing here?"

Seul turned and made a face at him using her real name.

"It's Seul Lee, remember?"

"Oh, right. Work-related. You and Yeon both. My bad."

Dawon chuckled as he neared.

"I thought you were on a family outing. Why are you working?"

"Youkyoung didn't bring the cake for your boss and I had to do it."

"He's your boss, too."

"Mmhmm. Anyways, why are you wandering around? Shouldn't you be mingling with the others and assisting Mr. Kim and what not?"

"The talk gets boring over the years and they have really long speeches that really makes no sense to which I don't have to listen in on as that's Youngbin's job. Anyways, I'm also trying to avoid a certain someone at the moment and do not want to meet their boss. By the way, you looked good in that dress."

"Thanks. You're not so shabby in your own get-up."

Dawon made a face.

"It's gets stuffy at times, but I can't wait until this is over and I could get out of this."

Just as Seul was gonna comment she was suddenly bumped from behind and stumbled into the pool.

"Yiseul!" Dawon called for her while turning to face the person that caused it.

"Seriously, Yuri?"

"It was an accident. It's not like I purposely did it."

Yuri countered. She was the person he was trying to avoid

"Right and the fact that you didn't  fall in either."

"I righted myself before I could."

Dawon ignored her.

"Yiseul!"

Seul resurfaced as she tread water to stay afloat while making sure all of her belongings didn't float away. Dawon called his friend's name and she waddle on over to him.

"I got you."

Seul reached for Dawon's outstretched hand as he pulled her closer to the edge of the pool. She coughed up the water as she breathed in air until her breathing returned to normal.

"What just happened?"

She looked at her friend as he motioned with his head towards Yuri.

"She happened."

"Who's she?"

"The one I mentioned earlier."

"I see."

Before Dawon could help Seul get out of the pool, Yuri pulled him away.

"C'mon. My boss is looking for you."

"Let go. I have other things to worry about."

"But she wants y-"

"I don't care."

"Dawon. It's fine. Just go before something else happens."

Seul told him as she managed to lift herself out of the pool and sat beside it.

"But-"

"I'm fine. Really."

"See, she's fine."

Dawon's jaw tightened as he looked at his friend. Seul gave him a nod that she was fine.

"C'mon, Dawon, let's go."

Yuri urged as she continued to pull on Dawon's arm. He shook her hold off of him with an annoyed look while casting his friend a worried look.

"Just call or message me when you get home. Okay?"

"I will."

"Alright, then. Take care."

"You, too."

Dawon cast Seul another concerned look before turning around and walking off. Yuri followed after him and tried to hold his hand, but he shook her hand away. Seul sighed wondering if the other woman thought she was competition, but recalled that she was the younger sister of Yuna. Seul scoffed at the idea that Yuri still clung to Dawn even after school when she knew that he would never like her back like that. Seul dismissed the thought as she wrung out her hair and dress with an even deeper sigh. Despite the whole dress being white she was glad that it wasn't see-through. She needed to dry off soon before returning home. Just as she stood up and had turned around, Youngbin was there with a towel for her.

"Are you cold?"

She eyed him weirdly not taking the towel.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Not that long."

He continued to hold the towel for her to take. She tentatively took it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

She placed it around her shoulders and noticed that he was still standing with her with no cake in hand.

"Shouldn't you get to the event?"

"Just some speeches going on that I just have to make sure to check in every now and then."

"Mmhmm. Well, thanks again. Where do I return the towel?"

Seul had removed the towel from around her as she used it to dry off the rest of her.

"Oh, they have a hamper at the changing room over there."

Youngbin pointed to the other side of the room that had a small area that disappeared around the corner.

"Okay, thanks."

Seul was about to walk off, but Youngbin stopped her.

"Hey, wait."

She watched as her boss began removing his suit jacket.

"Um, what are you doing?"

He didn't answer, but instead draped the fabric over her shoulders. He cast her a cheeky smile as he secure the jacket upon her.

"You can return it the next time you see me."

"Bu-"

"Sorry, gotta go. It's in your care for the time being."

Youngbin rushed off with a playful smile as Seul was left staring after him with furrowed eyebrows. She sighed, but nuzzled into the warm clothing.

"He's so weird. I'll see him the day after tomorrow."

Seul didn't ponder on it for long as she returned the towel, made a call to her sister using the front desk's phone, and drove to meet them as Jangmi wanted to go shopping.

~~~~~~~

"Okay, MiMi. Mommy needs new clothes. Let's find her some."

Yeon informed her niece once they were on the fourth floor of the Shinsegae Department Store and had entered Lucky Chouette.

"Why?"

Jangmi asked while holding her aunt's hand as Yeon lead the both of them around.

"Something happened when she left. Let's pick something Mommy would like."

"Otay!"

Yeon received the call from Seul after she had explained what had occurred. Yeon thought it was stupid on how that played out, but told her sister that she was lucky she was in Myeongdong. Now here she was looking for something that Seul could wear for the mean time until they all got home. Yeon remembered her niece still had the plant from earlier and wondered why she hadn't tossed it.

"Jangmi. Why are you still holding the plant?"

"Because it's nice."

"I know, but it's becoming dried up. Let's toss it, yeah?"

"No. Auntie gave it to me."

"I know, but it'll ruin the other things here."

Jangmi frowned.

"But, it's so pretty."

Yeon reasoned with the child.

"Nex time, Auntie will give you something else, okay?"

Jangmi beamed as she handed her aunt the plant.

"Otay. Promise."

"Thank you and yes."

Jangmi giggled as she wandered a bit to choose something for her mother to wear as Yeon sighed with a smile. She knew her niece liked the piece of nature, but she really didn't want the toddler to spread it throughout the store and cause the staff to be inconvenienced. Yeon placed the plant inside her bag before focusing her attention on something for Seul to wear. Yeon had chosen a few pieces of clothing when she heard her niece called for her.

"Yes, MiMi?"

Yeon glanced at Jangmi and noticed that a little boy was with her. She kneel to be at eye-level with a concerned look.

"Hi. Jangmi, who's your friend?"

"This is Howon. He lost his uncle."

She introduced the other toddler as Howon held back tears, but still sniffled.

"Oh. Well, hi, Howon."

She glanced about her and wondered if the boy's uncle was still in the store or something. Yeon stood again to scout for the boy's uncle, but there were only other females walking about. She kneel to Howon's eye-level again.

"Um, where was the last time you saw your uncle?"

"I don't know."

The boy replied and Yeon wondered how she was supposed to find his family member.

"Okay. Let's go to the front and see if we can find your uncle, Howon."

Yeon decided to head to the front to purchase the clothes while informing the staff of what had occurred. Just when Yeon was informing the boy of his new situation, Howon became upset. In the end she left her contact with the staff while Yeoon took both children to Vecchia e Nuovo which was a restaurant and bakery on the same floor as Lucky Chouette. Both children were hungry and Yeon thought it would be better if they were still in the same area for the uncle to find his nephew. After ordering Yeon messaged Seul about the situation and a moment later her boss' name popped up calling.

"Hello, Mr. Lee?"

Yeon answered with a confused tone.

"Uh, yes. I'm Yiyeon Park. How do you know that? Oh, uh yes, he's with me."

Yeon glanced at Howon learning that he was the nephew of Sangyeon.

"Um, we're at Vecchia e Nuovo. Uh, yes, we've already ordered."

The pair were too engrossed with the menu as they made a game out of it to listen in on Yeon's conversation.

"Yes we're on the fourth level. Ah, yes. See you soon."

Yeon ended the call while looking over at Howon.

"Howon, you're uncle will b-"

"Uncle!"

Howon exclaimed upon seeing Sangyeon entered the restaurant a moment later. Yeon's gaze went to the male as she watched the pair soon hug while her boss informed his nephew that he shouldn't have wandered and all that other stuff. Sangyeon's attention went to his secretary.

"Thank you for watching him, Ms. Lee."

"Um, you're welcome, Mr. Lee."

"Hi."

Jangmi greeted Sangyeon with a smile upon remembering him.

"Hi, to you, too."

Sangyeon greeted in a softer tone than he did Yeon.

"Did you and Howon become good friends?"

"Yes!"

"Yeah, Jangmi gave me this."

Howon held the leaf that Yeon had put away earlier. She couldn't resist the pair when they begged to see and play with it.

"Yeah, it's a token from something earlier today."

Yeon shot Sangyeon a small smile hoping he wouldn't probed further.

"I see. Did you say thank you?"

"Mmhmm."

Soon the staff brought out their meal and Yeon suggested for Sangyeon to join them so that Howon could eat before leaving.

"I want to sit next to auntie." Howon stated as he moved to sit next to Yeon.

"You don't want to sit next to me?" Sangyeon asked.

"Nope."

"But I want to sit next to auntie." Jangmi whined as she stood off to the side.

"You can sit next to uncle." Howon suggested, but Jangmi frowned.

"No."

This caused Sangyeon to slightly pout as he played along with the kids.

"No one wants to sit next to me?"

The pair shook their heads as Yeon stifled a laugh which caused her boss to glance at her. Upon seeing his supposed hurt look Yeon couldn't help but let the words flow on out from her mouth.

"Are you jealous?"

"Not at all." He replied nonchalantly while composing himself.

"I see."

Eventually, Yeon managed to get Howon to sit with his uncle leaving Jangmi to sit beside her. It wasn't that bad as the quartet ate and talk for a while before Seul messaged her sister. Yeon decided to cut their meal short after informing Sangyeon about the situation with her sister. The four bid one another goodbyes before parting. Yeon hoped that her boss wouldn't ask about her real name and just let things be, but she received a messaged later that day with him asking if he should address her with Park instead of Lee. Yeon didn't respond and would deal with it on Monday.

[raleighliving]

Raleigh Apartment Culture

So I'm of the mind that Raleigh is a great place to live. It has my favorite things, my favorite people, and I'm too broke to move anywhere else.

Raleigh works for me, but I recognize it doesn't work for everyone. Some people had less than ideal childhoods and wanna escape the state ASAP, some just want to live closer to their dream jobs or have new opportunities. That's all fine, but what if this describes where you are now?

What if, for the sake of argument, you're outside of NC and wanna move in? Moving is expensive, time-consuming, and risky at the best of times; so you wanna make sure that wherever you're landing is at least as good as where you started 90% of the time

"But RL," I hear you say, "you make Raleigh sound like an idyllic dreamscape populated with parks and a diverse kumbayah of peoples living in harmony"

I do talk about Raleigh in a positive light but, like a life saving medicine flavored like ass, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

So before you spend thousands of dollars on moving vans, boxes, and grits; here's a crash course on what it's like living in a Raleigh apartment, coming from someone whose majority of Raleigh Living (heh) has been in apartments.

First off, location. Any realtor will tell you that location is 80% of the sale to sound profound, and as anyone who has lived in the middle of ass-backward nowhere can tell you: It sucks having to drive 30 minutes to go anywhere.

Good news: With the Raleigh Beltline and connecting roads, there are very few places in Raleigh where your trip will last longer than thirty minutes one-way. Bad News: where you set down still matters because cutting down on travel is important for car and mental health.

North Raleigh is different from south Raleigh is different from northwest Raleigh, and the locals aren't the only difference you'll find between locations. Each segment of Raleigh has something to offer, with easier access to some attractions than others and neighboring cities for when you need something outside the RDU area.

Using downtown as the center of our wheel, people generally divide Raleigh into North and South Raleigh (with distinction given for NW, SE, NE, etc when needed). N.Raleigh is considered generally more upscale, a slice of suburban living interspersed with plenty of shopping centers for families and the moderately wealthy; but it's boring as all hell.

Want some fun? Excitement in the evenings and a more traditional urban experience with bars, night clubs, strip clubs, and more? South Raleigh is your best bet, at the cost of being the "sketchy" side of Raleigh. That kind of place where you'll see a bunch of auto shops that look abandoned but haven't been closed in the past 5 years and there's at least one customer from time to time.

Of course, this is a lot of generalizing but you'll find that it's still mostly accurate. The main exception in this is Capital Blvd, a highway cutting across north and south Raleigh on the eastern half of the city; a high crime corridor that's undergoing some changes in the northern half that have (somewhat) reduced crime but most people will still associate that area with the majority of Raleigh's crime and debauchery.

More importantly, is the distinction Raleigh citizens put on inside the beltline versus outside the beltline. The I-440 and 540 highways that wrap around Downtown form the mythical beltline, and to a degree what you have access to. Inside the beltline is the majority of workplaces, stores, and shopping centers; while outside you'll still have these things just to a more... dispersed extent.

North Raleigh actually kinda exemplifies this perfectly. Living inside the beltline, you have access to places like North Hills, Crabtree Valley mall, and Triangle Town Center. Live outside the beltline, like I currently am, and you're looking at 10 to 15 minutes to the nearest sheetz for that late night double hot dog fix.

So for point one: How important is it that you're near things? The majority of apartments and rental properties are in or around the belt-line, but if you want to save some cash on rent checks the cheaper properties are gonna extend your trips a bit.

Next, what can you expect in terms of neighbors? Does Raleigh have a hip party scene full of teens renting cheap apartments and blasting trap music at 3AM?

Depends on where you live

I swear not every point is going to be this, but there's an important distinction this time that affects the type of people your complex will likely have surrounding you; are you in North or South Raleigh?

North Raleigh has a ton of pre-schools, k-12 public schools (Leesville, Hillburn, Lead Mine, just to name a few), and office complexes that make up the job market. As a result the majority of apartment renters in north Raleigh tend to be families with a few small kids or so.

As a result, living off of Glenwood North and Edwards Mill I never had any noise problems from neighbors, the worst being kids playing outside at 3PM sounding like they were being murdered (which apparently is a common thing and I apologize to any neighbors I frightened with ghastly shrieks).

What I did have a problem with, however, was the typical Karen's you hear people complain about online. Renting a property now, we have access to our neighborhood's NextDoor page and it's hilarious sometimes to go on and read the comments, but living at a certain property we had a sort of mini-Facebook for residents

That thing was always full of either people who were moving out looking to sell their furniture or people passive-aggressively challenging each other/the apartment managers with comments about things happening around the complex.

Once I logged in to see one man accuse another, without ever actually accusing someone specific ("I know who did it and they should be ashamed" type post) of putting glass beer bottles under the tires of his truck to try and puncture them. Everyone acts civil in public, but then online they'll stir the pot harder than a chef with a hand mixer.

South Raleigh, you have the schools like Shaw University, Meredith, and NCSU; so the people renting down there are typically college kids. You'll see more apartments that cater towards them like University Village or University Woods, but sometimes these places will cater to both college kids and working adults

Avoid these places like the plague, because despite sometimes having a lower cost to live there the neighbors and their shenanigans will drive you up the wall (unless you're the type to join in, then go wild).

I've had friends stay at places like University Village and The Proper (formerly The Vie, formerly Wolf Creek) who've shared horror stories. 3AM parties ending in property damage or vomit in inconvenient places, drug deals not even trying to be subtle, and maintenance workers doing nothing because regardless of the apartment conditions; no school's gonna pull their contract with them unless news articles start getting written.

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_898ddf34-82f5-11e7-b3d8-07059d248619.html

https://www.wral.com/vie-at-raleigh-residents-finally-able-to-move-into-clean-units/16887833/

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_ea8ed7aa-a092-11e8-a2af-e70af36566d0.html

Otherwise, south Raleigh apartments are largely like north Raleigh apartments; except the crime rate tends to be a little higher and you'll run into more singles and people working full time.

Otherwise, Raleigh apartment culture is like apartment culture anywhere else in the country. You have a mix of apartments catering to those just looking to live versus more ostentatious luxury apartments with fancy pools, exercise facilities, and tech packages to draw people in.

If you're renting in Raleigh, however, do try to get a roommate or two if you can manage. Even with a decent job paying 800+ on a one bedroom one bath apartment can be exhausting at best, but with even one other person that can functionally halve your expenses

So if you're a young professional, or a student, or even if you have a small family, I can safely recommend renting in Raleigh. There's plenty of places that'll accommodate you, and cater towards your needs.

But what about everyone else? Are there people who shouldn't rent in Raleigh?

No

But there are groups who I'd seriously ask to consider their other choices before picking Raleigh as a destination for their new home.

For instance, are you a member of the LGBT community? A trans or non-binary individual? Well then, first off, I want you to know that you're loved and valid. I'm accepting of who you are and appreciate everyone's right to identify how they choose, but I'm not everyone.

Raleigh's bluer than other parts of North Carolina, as I've stated in other blog write-ups, but it's still part of North Carolina unfortunately and as a result, you'll face some challenges.

I doubt anyone's gonna burn a cross in your yard or knock over your mailbox, but Raleigh doesn't offer LGBT protections for housing, jobs, or credit/lending discriminations according to the Movement Advancement Project's website.

We have support organizations for LGBT and NB individuals, plenty of high schools and colleges have Gay-Straight Alliance clubs, and there are numerous businesses downtown that cater specifically to those individuals... but we're also the state that got into a lot of hot water because of a stupid bathroom bill, and our politicians are trying to pass anti-trans sports legislation (because they now magically care about the integrity of womens sports).

By that measure, but to a lesser extent, if you fall outside the Liberal/Conservative political spectrum then be prepared to have no one to discuss your politics with outside of a few sparse networks like the DSA.

Additionally, if you don't have someone to room with or a significant other to split costs with; you may want to try searching somewhere a little cheaper.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Raleigh housing prices aren't terrible for a major metropolitan city, but we're not the best prices in the world.

You can get prices on apartments and rentals lower than say, California or New York. However, compared to other parts of NC like Greensboro or Garner; rentals are still a bit much.

On average, a Raleigh apartment can run you about $900 for a single bedroom and a single bathroom. You can find cheaper, but often times there's some risk associated (Crime levels, quality of the room, quality of the property manager, etc.) Looking for a two bedroom? Then your average price is gonna jump up to around $1,200, and this is all before utilities and cable come into play.

It's true a lot of companies around here will pay more than the $7.25 minimum wage, but most low-skilled jobs will pay around 10-11 an hour.

I guess though, that's kind of an obvious statement. "Don't live in Raleigh if you can't afford to live in Raleigh."

I might expand on these thoughts at a later time, but hopefully for now I've given you some food for thought; or at the very least an entertaining read for a few minutes.

I love my city, and I love the friends I've made in it, but the sad truth is that nowhere is perfect for everyone; leastways Raleigh. If Raleigh sounds like the kind of place you'd like to live in, at least take a day trip to come visit and see how things go that way. Visit some stores, meet some locals, and form an opinion off of more than travel blogs and youtube videos.

[purplesurveys]

1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave. 

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

[exeggcute]

Would you mind elaborating on your job search experience? I found your sankey chart really interesting and informative!!

Did you get something related to your degree?

In my experience most job applications I hear back from turn out to be spam or BS. Which is SUPER exhausting and SUPER disheartening. What are some warning signs you have learned to look out for that something is sketchy or exploitative or scammy?? Thanks for anything you’re willing to share 🥺

yeah for sure! I'm glad you liked the chart, tracking my job applications in a spreadsheet finally paid off lol.

I may be a bit of an outlier in the typical millennial experience of Job Search Hell (at least this time around) because I finally managed to get a foothold in my field and have pretty concrete experience for a specific job title that (1) has consistent hiring demand, albeit with a fair amount of competition among candidates and (2) was already remote-friendly prior to the pandemic so it's somewhat easier to scour job listings when you aren't restricted to your immediate geographic location. (granted, the wider selection of remote roles to choose from is somewhat offset by the fact that everyone else in the applicant pool is also unrestricted by location, so you have more choices but also more competition. the ratio likely evens out overall). I exclusively applied to (or considered) remote roles, but there's a handful of on-site jobs in my area (at least in the Before Times)—though those only crop up sporadically and are also hypercompetitive.

for context, my 2018-2019 job search (immediately after graduating college) spanned nine miserable months, although not continuously; I had three separate false starts where I quit a shitty internship, quit a shitty online job, and got fired from an in-person job, but over the course of those nine months I probably sent in like four hundred applications total and had about a dozen interviews, most of which were fucking bananas. nearly all of these job applications were for in-person roles, and I was applying for stuff pretty much at random—unlike this last time around, when every single job I applied to (or was approached to consider) either had the same title as my last role or was functionally identical in terms of job duties but had a slightly different name. all of this is *related* to my degree, broadly speaking, but in practice almost nothing I studied in college applies directly to my job. it's a weird situation because you can technically major in this exact field (or enroll in certification programs for it) but very few people do. having SOME kind of degree is pretty much a requirement (undergrad at a minimum, grad school is nice but not necessary unless you're really specialized), but having a BA in english or communication is about as common as having a BS in comp sci or engineering. (literature major here.) the preference for a BA or BS varies between company and specific sub-industry (more specialized roles generally prefer people who have a degree in that particular area), but once you have a few years of experience under your belt people stop caring for the most part.

getting my foot in the door with experience was 100% the most difficult part of this—and honestly, was the main differentiating factor between this job search and the last. I did have some pre-graduation job experience that I was able to leverage at the end of my nine-month search that landed me my last job, but I didn't figure that out until way too late in the game. it's not a one-to-one analogue with what I do now, but it was close enough that I figured out ways to classify it as relevant experience and boost my "years doing X role" number from 0 to Not Zero. (the "you need experience to get experience" paradox is only solved by a bit of creative reframing, lol.) once I had that purported experience under my belt, I was able to get a job that gave me actual tangible experience, which blows the whole thing wide open on future job search cycles.

which is all to say: there's nothing wrong with twisting things a bit for your benefit, so long as it's not something that'll bite you in the ass later. reframing particular skills or experience to suit a potential role is a workable strategy as long as you know you're actually capable of doing the things that role requires. don't lie about knowing how to build rockets if you’re applying to a job at NASA.

the spam shit is way too common with job applications these days, whether it's outright fake listings or vaguely scummy shit masquerading as a cool place to work. specific red flags vary, but some things I look out for:

job listings that don't clearly name the company you'll be working for. exceptions obviously apply, like if you apply through a specialized job board or staffing site that anonymizes its clients, but if a listing just says it's an "exciting opportunity" or "fun workplace," it's probably not. if there is a name, google it.

check out glassdoor ratings from past employees. if a place has a really shitty rating or reviews that consistently mention egregious shit in the workplace, you're better off saving the effort. certain places will also have ratings from applicants and interviewees, which might give you more insight into whether it's worth looking into.

anything that requires you to pay the employer for the privilege of working there.

for writing gigs specifically: any freelance gig that requires you to submit fully-completed work but doesn't guarantee that they'll pay you for each submission, only the ones they approve, and you won't know if it's approved until after you already wrote it. content mills suck across the board but these are the worst of the worst.

general corporate bullshit speak like "work hard, play hard," "fast-paced environments" where you "learn on the job," any indication that you'll "always be in a working mindset" or that "you're never truly off the job," or job listings that make it sound like you'll be doing completely random things on any given day with no consistent job duties.

any place that lists "free coffee" under a list of employee benefits. it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I swear it's a huge red flag... if cheap instant coffee is their best shot at convincing you it's a good place to work, it's gonna be a nightmare.

[shadow-warren-whump]

I just got an email from my boss. In it was an attached document. It was a roughly two page letter that he has all ready to send. My test has not come back yet. I'm acting confident that it is negative otherwise I would be non-functional. I don't think he meant for it to, but that e-mail just made me feel so much worse about this whole situation, feel more guilty about it, and feel like an even bigger failure.

I know my boss is just being overly cautious. I know my boss has no right to trust me. But it just feels like my mental health is getting sucked back down the drain again. And I finally, FINALLY crawled out of that hole. Like, I got tested. It has only beem 28 out of a possible 72 hours. Let me be until they come back, please. I'm staying home. I haven't even gone outside. I'm doing what I was told to do.

I hope I get my results back tomorrow and don't have to wait until Monday. I should be able to get the results on a Sunday in the US, right?

EDIT: the letter said that my identity woukd be kept confidential. The whole workplace knows I have a cough (And it's a harsh cough which sucks)!!! If that sign needed to go up, everyone would know who it is!! It's a good thing I plan on spending the next month on finding a new job.

[tricktster]

You’re an icon and I followed you like a few days ago and you’re on my list of role models?? So like. Yeah. You’re kind of epic and keep doing whatever the hell it is you’re doing because it seems to work. Also idk if this is at all relevant to your career but u seem to be successful and functional and shit SO any general advice for an ambitious person or specifically for someone going into law/politics

1) Choose better role models. 

No, I kid, that is a very sweet thing to say. As far as advice goes, I can give you a basic principle that will be very easy for me to tell you, very hard to actually adopt, but I swear to god, once you have it, you will immediately see the impact. This advice applies only in a general sense to the American business world, but feel free to dm me if you want more specific advice and I can probably hook you up. 

If you’re interested in law/politics, you’re talking going to grad school, where there is a very small pool of people in charge of your destiny and then a lot of people fighting to be recognized by them. Then, after that, there’s the work world, where there is...  a very small pool of people in charge of your destiny and a lot of people fighting to be recognized by them.  These people in charge of your destiny will generally be very impressive, with the kind of resume and experience that will make you feel pants-on-head stupid. They will be intimidating. They will make you extremely nervous. They might be unfriendly. You will not want to ask them questions or engage with them, because they are Very Important and You Do Not Want To Bother Them.

You know who doesn’t have that problem? The mediocre, rich white dude from Greenwich, Connecticut who sits in the center of the front row and always raises his hand, even when he has absolutely nothing of merit to say. He was born knowing Very Important People. They don’t make him nervous. He genuinely believes that he is entitled to their time and expertise, because nobody has ever taught him otherwise. So he raises his hand, and even if he’s spewing absolute nonsense every time he gets to speak, that Very Important Person knows his name, and in the end, he will be in a better position with his B- and name recognition than you will be with your A- and a face the Important Person couldn’t pick out of a lineup of two. People help people they feel comfortable with. People don’t feel comfortable with people who are nervous around them.  

Understanding this puts you at an enormous tactical advantage. Jeff Connecticut is where he is because he knows somebody. You’re there too, because you’re smart and you’ve worked hard. If you can be as confident as Jeff Connecticut, and hang on to those brains and that work ethic, the Very Important People will not just remember you, they will go to bat for you. They will see themselves in you, and they will want you to succeed. So, start by practicing making yourself uncomfortable in low-stakes situations. Go to a party by yourself and meet everyone in the room.  Eat dinner by yourself, and win over the bartender. Take an improv class, and then go back a second time, even if you flopped. Laugh off your little mistakes and minor embarrassments, and tell other people funny stories about them later, like they didn’t hurt you even a little. Eventually, those little embarrassments will be just as funny to you as they are to everyone else. Insecure people are too proud to laugh at themselves, but you’re comfortable with you, you can show some flaws - people are drawn to folks who are confident enough in their own skin to admit that they’re a little flawed. I mean, don’t go overboard, don’t ONLY self depreciate, but it’s good to be humble. So go to a meet and greet with your favorite author, the person who wrote the book that means so much to you that it’s basically tattooed on your soul, and make it your goal to be calm and relaxed and charming, without trying too hard, and if you fuck it up? Who cares! If you flop, tell the story about how you made an ass of yourself when you were talking to, I dunno, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, to another Important Person, and then the two of you can laugh about it together. 

You need to believe that you are worth knowing, and that takes practice if you’re not Jeff Connecticut. I know that sounds fake, but I swear to god, once you genuinely believe you’re the type of person other people want to be around, you become that person. And while you’re being that person that everyone likes to be around? Bust your ass. Work harder than everyone else, and show initiative by being the one to volunteer for the uncomfortable gigs, the public speaking events, the things you’ve never done before and you don’t know if you’ll be able to do. You can do it. People dumber than you do it all the time, they’ve just had more practice, and they only got that practice because they asked for it even it was scary. Fuck it up? Try again. 

Oh, and don’t forget who you are at the core. You’re stealing Jeff Connecticut’s confidence, but you’re not Jeff. You’re better. So be kind and respectful and genuinely interested in the people who work under you, who have jobs that society deems less important, who have different values and drives than you do. You’re not better than them, no matter how far you go or how Important you get. And someday, when you’re in front of the room as a Very Important Person in your own right, make sure you call on the kid in the back who’s tentatively raising her hand and looking unsure of herself. Recognize that the loudest voices aren’t always the smartest, and that a diverse workplace with diverse ideas will generally be more valuable that twenty people who were in the same frat together and who always arrive at the same conclusions because they’ve got identical perspectives. Look out for the people just starting out. Don’t be a dick.

I hate to end this screed on a downer, but I can’t leave this out. Even though it’s 2019 and equality is here etc etc etc, let’s recognize that most of corporate america is still polluted at the top by really retrograde gender shit/race shit/everything shit, so if you’re not a cis straight white man, do NOT volunteer to do things like cleaning the office microwaves or making the coffee, even if you were raised to want to be helpful and it’s in your nature to just do a task that needs doing. If someone asks you to do that shit, and it genuinely isn’t your job, don’t be shy about telling them that you need to do your actual job, not coffee fetching, but prepare for a backlash anyway. This sucks ass, it shouldn’t be this way, I hope this is different for your generation, but as it currently stands the old farts in charge will think less of you if they catch you doing what they consider Women things (like dishes), and will like you more if you do Old Man things (like scotch and adultery). 

Oh, and this part really, really, really, really, really, REALLY sucks, but you will need to learn how to golf. 

[she-is-tim]

Bleeding Hearts | Elu Vampire Soulmate AU | Ch.2

AO3 link

Eliott is living on alcohol, weed and blood. That drives his dead body on a daily basis, giving him at least some kind of purpose in his meaningless life. Being immortal sucks. Being dead sucks even more. All he wants is to get out of this endless loop of nothingness, but he doesn’t expect that to happen so soon. When he meets him, his world turns upside down and his heart starts to beat again.

Ch.1

Crossing paths

Blood was dripping down from his lips as he raised his head. An inhuman groan left his throat as the warm liquid filled his insides. His whole body was on fire, he felt himself becoming stronger, invincible even. The metallic flavor on his tongue reminded him of who he was and where he belonged, to the darkness. No one could stop him, because he could kill them all. There will be no more hesitation, no more holding back. The beast inside him cried out, showing his dominance. He slowly opened his eyes that were sparkling blue in the dim light, gazing down at the body in front of him. A beautiful face, small frame, the disheveled brown locks now bathing in deep crimson liquid that was still flowing out of the two holes bitten into his soft neck. Large, ocean blue eyes wide open, showing no signs of life in them. Lucas was dead. The monster killed him. 

Eliott’s eyes snapped open, gasping for air. His whole body was covered in cold sweat, hair sticking to his forehead, tears rolling down his cheeks. He grabbed the shirt he was sleeping in, trying to normalize his breathing and heartbeat. It was such a hard thing to live with a functioning body after spending more than twenty years to get used to being dead. He was just like every other human being, sweating, crying, swallowing, peeing, sleeping, but still different. The sun still burned him, that was sure and he still craved for blood more than anything. Actually things got worse in the last few days. 

He kept following Lucas from afar, making sure the boy won’t notice him. He knew that this was not right, but he just couldn’t hold himself back. It was a strong force inside that made him listen to his newly awakened heart instead of his head. And of course it wouldn’t shut up about Lucas. He needed to know where he lived, where he was working, going to school, to get coffee, who he was visiting at the hospital. Every single detail about his life. At least it was a reason for him to get out of his apartment. Luckily the weather was really cloudy and cold, so he was able to be outside during daytime. He had to admit that with his alive body there came a lot of inconveniences, like feeling cold. Wearing shoes were just as awful as he remembered, but he needed it to protect his feet from the cold. Funny how just for that he wished his dead body back. 

He reached for his phone, that somehow ended up on the floor next to his bed to check the time. It was already past 10, so Lucas was already on the campus, probably being bored to death. Eliott loved to watch him through the university building windows as he was sitting in the classroom, tapping on his cheeks with a pencil, gazing at the professor with those beautiful, ocean blue eyes. Whenever it seemed like the boy noticed him, his heart would beat a thousand miles per hour, just to realize it’s basically impossible. He was a vampire, Lucas was a mortal, therefore he was not able to recognize him until he wanted him to. Of course that was all his heart wished for, but he just couldn’t let it happen. He knew if he would enter the boy’s life in any form, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from being around him all the time, trying to get his attention and make him fall in love. 

He got up from his bed. Since he met his “soulmate” and his heart started beating again he needed much more sleep than before. Now it was 5-6 hours instead of 1 or 2. His abilities were still the same, he was fast, quiet, agile and strong. It was just his brain needed a break and his body needed recharge, which was accomplished by sleeping. 

The kitchen was a bit messy, since he tried to cook something last night, which almost ended with burning down the place. Thankfully he was fast enough to put out the small fire in the pan, but he was sure that the omlette he was making died in the accident. A sad story really. He might do a funeral for it later the day by the trash cans behind the building. Gotta give the honor to those poor eggs that sacrificed themselves to prove him that becoming a vampire didn’t help with his cooking skills. 

He was too sleepy to clean up his own mess, so he just turned on his coffee machine and waited for it to make him some liquid black gold. His hands were still shaking and his heart was racing after the terrible dream he had. Ever since he was following the boy, nightmares like this were haunting him endlessly, reminding him of what could happen if he gets too close to Lucas. What happens if he loses control when he’s around him. That’s why he has to stay away, just observing from the distance, never initiating any sort of contact.  One cup of black coffee later he was agressively staring out the window, well more precisely through a small gap between the thick curtains. The sun was shining bright, no signs of clouds. He hated days like this, because it meant that he had to spend his time inside his apartment, far from Lucas. 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. This was not the end of the world, he will go to see him after the sun sets, until then he has a lot of time to spend. The living room was also a mess, crumpled papers, empty beer bottles and an empty box of chinese takeout he ordered after last night’s tragedy. He flopped down on the couch, turning on the TV and just letting it fill the annoying silence. Well, he could hear people walking on the streets, the old lady downstairs talking to her cat, some young couple having sex a few doors away. Who the hell has sex at 11 in the morning? Don’t they have a workplace or school to attend to? Fucking youngsters. 

━━━━

He was halfway through a TV show called The Umbrella Academy when he got startled by his buzzing phone. He reached for it, snatching from the coffee table he was resting his feet on and accepted the call without checking who was calling him. 

“Yes?” he asked, his voice was still a bit raspy, considering he haven’t talked to anyone in days now. 

“Eliott, my favorite barista! How’s it going?” came the enthusiastic voice of Alexandre Delano from the other side of the line. He couldn’t help the small smile creeping up on his face. They knew each other since a while now. Even a vampire needs a job to maintain his regular life somehow, like paying rent, his Netflix subscription, buying weed, alcohol, coffee and other unhealthy things to fuel his body on a daily basis. That’s why he had a part-time job at a night club a couple streets away from his apartment. It was perfect, because they opened after sunset and were closing a few hours before dawn, which meant that he could work without making stupid excuses when it’s a sunny day. Plus the job was fairly easy, he had to make cocktails, serve it and be charming. Basically the perfect place for a vampire. It also helped him with his self control, since it wasn’t easy being around so many people, feeling their pulse pumpig to the rhythm of the loud music, exposed necks and easy preys everywhere. 

“Hey, Alex. Long time.” he said softly, pausing the episode he was currently watching. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you could come in and cover a shift for us today. You weren’t here since a week now and Emma fucking misses you.” he said with playfulness in his tone, which made Eliott chuckle. 

“Or she just misses my special margarita cocktail.” he joked, but it was probably true. Emma was his coworker, just like Alex, but she couldn’t quite keep herself away from the drinks. She almost got fired a couple times, but the boys always stood up for her.

“Oh, come on, man! We all miss your stupid face!” he claimed. “What would we do without your sarcastic jokes and grumpy behavior?” 

“That’s just super nice, thank you.” he murmured, rolling his eyes with a fond smile on his face.

“You know how I meant. And it’s fucking friday, students are going crazy! There will be a lots of people. We need all the help we can get.” 

“Chill, Alex. I was in the minute I heard your voice.” he calmed him softly, enjoying the warm feeling that was spreading in his chest.

“Really?! That’s cool. See you at 21h?” he asked happily and Eliott could hear Emma’s voice in the background. They were probably out together somewhere. 

“Sure. See you.” he replied and hung up. 

━━━━

Long hours passed and the club was now filled with mostly tipsy and wilding university students, trying to get rid of all the stress they’ve been gathering throughout the whole week. Eliott was surprised that his beast didn’t even try to burst out, even though he drank half a liter of AB+ before he left his apartment. Maybe it was because of his beating heart, he had no idea, but there was no reason to complain, since that made his job ten times easier. 

He had a lot of fun at the bar with Alex and Emma, making cocktails, serving drinks to sweaty youngsters, enjoying the thumping sounds of dubstep and techno music while watching the crowd of bodies swaying on the dance floor. Of course the brunette couldn’t help herself and got a tiny bit tipsy within two hours. She was a pain in the butt to handle, keep spilling drinks, jabbering at the guests and dancing around the boys clumsily. They had to help her up or clean the mess she made, but they didn’t mind it, because they were having fun. Eliott couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so much, but with all these new feelings inside him, everything was much more intense. Halfway through their shift Alex pointed out how he changed, but in a good way and that he is happy for him, to which Eliott replied with a wide grin. He really was happier and his friend had no idea how much he actually changed. Finally he could feel like he was a normal boy, who wasn’t 48 years old, stuck in a 20 year old body and craving for other people’s blood. He was just Eliott, the bartender. 

Somewhere around midnight he needed to go to the bathroom, just to wash his face and refresh himself. Babysitting Emma all night was a hard task, even for an immortal. As he looked in the mirror, water dripping from his face he felt like he is not seeing a monster, but himself. The young boy that got killed so long ago by a creature of the night made his way back, taking over his body, enjoying his life. He wished for this to be permanent, but a little voice in the back of his head kept reminding him that he can never be normal again, that he and his whole life is completely fucked up. 

He wiped his face with a paper towel and exited the bathroom, walking back towards the bar. He had to stop for a moment when his heart skipped a beat. It was so sudden and unexpected, that he got shocked. It took him not more than a few seconds to notice the cause of it. Lucas was standing by the bar, holding a bottle of beer and chatting with Alex casualy. Eliott panicked. His breathing quickened, heart racing like there’s no tomorrow and his nose got filled with the oh, so familiar scent of mint and deodrant, covering all the different smells that were flying around in the air. He could only see and feel the presence of Lucas, everyone else ceased to exist for him. 

What the fuck is he doing here?!

He could feel his palms getting sweaty, hair sticking to the nape of his neck. His heart was screaming at him, telling him to go over there, talk to Lucas, but this time his brain was sober enough to start coming up with escape routes. He knew he shouldn’t be running away from his workplace, but he couldn’t go there to the brunette and act like he wasn’t just following him for 2 weeks in a row, watching his every step, memorizing his classes and routines. 

No, he can’t go there. No way. He was just about to head towards the back door that was leading to the storage, sneaking out from there, when Emma appeared next to him. He was usually well aware of his own surroundings, being able to tell if someone tried to approach him, but not this time. He was too fucking preoccupied with a certain brown haired, blue eyed boy that was currently laughing at something his stupid friend - Basile, if he remembers his name correctly - said just now. And damn if that laugh wasn’t the best thing he ever heard, Adding to that he was wearing tight, stone washed black jeans with a black button up shirt. Eliott swallowed.

“Hey, Eli! My sweetheart, why are you standing here alone?” she chirped, the smell of vodka mixed with brandy almost, almost covered the sweet scent of Eliott’s beloved boy. Emma threw her arm around the guy’s neck and pulled him towards the bar, keep rambling about some shit. He tried to resist, but it would be too suspicious. He had no choice but to join his friend at the bar. 

“Hey! You’re back!” Alex yelled over the loud music happily. “I was worried that you flushed yourself down in the toilet.” he joked and nudged his side playfully. 

Eliott would laugh at his joke, but all of his hairs were straightening up as he felt the strong presence of Lucas. He was too busy explaining something to his friends at the moment, so he got the chance to just take him in. His beautiful face, his strong jawline, that fucking disheveled hair, his long lashes that were casting spidery shadows on his soft cheeks. Damn, he was so beautiful. 

He got startled out of his thoughts by fingers snapping in front of his nose. He shook his head and looked at Emma, who was standing in front of him with a smug grin on her face. Oh, fuck! 

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” she asked, though it seemed like she already knew the answer. Eliott took a deep breath and shook his head. It was almost impossible to take his eyes off of Lucas, but he somehow managed to do it. 

“Nothing, I’m going back to work.” he said, trying to sound nonchalant, walking to the other side of the bar, as far away from the boys as he just could, but before he had a chance to get away, Alex grabbed his hand, pulling him to his side. He gasped as the realization hit him that all four boys had their eyes fixed on him. Those ocean blue ones were even more beautiful in the blue and pink neon lights of the place. His heart was beating to the rhythm of the music that was currently playing, though he couldn’t tell what it was actually. 

“Don’t try to escape!” Alex said with a wide smirk on his face, pointing forward with the hand that wasn’t gripping into Eliott’s shirt. “These are my sweet friends. They just started college.” he explained enthusiastically. The gang in front of them smiled friendly, they must have heard about the mysterious Eliott Demaury already. Emma likes talking when she’s drunk and he was away for enough time for her to spill some tea to basically anyone that was in her vicinity. 

“Hey, you must be the famous Eliott.” Yann said, her bright smile was in stark contrast with his skin color, which was just extremely charming. Eliott would sure find him handsome, but his eyes were still fixated on one face and it seemed like Lucas also had his full attention on him. Ocean blue eyes boring holes into his face, making his cheeks heat up. What the fuck was this boy doing to him? 

“Yes, he is.” Alex answered, pinching his side while shooting him a disapproving look that was saying ‘Just this one time, be nice to them, okay?’ Eliott wished if he could do that, but as he opened his mouth, nothing came out. 

“Ahw, look at him, being at loss of words.” Emma chimed in, sipping on a glass of god knows what, having a wide smile on her face still. “Excuse him, but he probably never seen such beautiful boys like you. Not Basile, but like the others.” she said smirking, winking at her friends.

“Hey! I’m attractive, okay?” the curly haired boy whined, slamming his beer bottle on the counter, earning a grumpy look from Alex.

“No, I’m fine.” He finally managed to find his voice and talk. He could see something shift through the brunette’s face, but it was gone in a second. “Yes, I’m Eliott. Nice to meet you.” he said and his foolish brain and his fucking polite behavior made him raise his hand. Yann grabbed it first, sending him an encouraging smile. 

“Yann, nice to meet you.” 

“Arthur.” was the next one, hair softly curling up by his ears, his glasses sitting peacefully on his reddened cheeks.

“Basile, we heard a lot about you.” he said with an excited grin, shaking the offered hand a bit too fast and too long. Still Eliott would rather take that than touching the last member of the gang. His heart threatened to just burst out of his chest in excitement and fear. Last time they touched was so fucking intense he got a panic attack, so what would happen if they shake hands? 

He had no chance to get away from it now. Basile’s sweaty palm left his, so he reached towards Lucas, who looked a bit nervous before grabbing it. The feeling of it was like electricity blasting through his nerves and veins, freezing him to the spot where he was standing. It was like something clicked inside him, like a puzzle piece finally found it’s place in the big picture. As he examined the face of the other, he just knew that Lucas was feeling this intensity too. He pulled his hand back like he was touching fire, eyes widening from shock.

“What’s wrong, Lulu?” Alex asked worried, switching his eyes from Eliott to the boy and then back. 

“Nothing.” he mumbled, his voice slightly shaking. He unconsciously licked over his bottom lip, taking it between his teeth while looking at Eliott, searching for answers on his face. He wished if he could give it to him, right after he kissed those soft lips bright red. I am so damn fucked. 

“Wanna go back to dance?” Yann asked softly, placing a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, who finally tore his gaze away from Eliott. He could finally breathe normally again. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” he mumbled on a soft tone, finishing his beer with a few gulps and Eliott couldn’t help, but stare at his Adam’s apple moving up and down on his throat. He had to grab the counter because his fangs just popped out. The control he had over himself for the last few hours was thrown out of the window now. Every single nerve in his body was screaming for Lucas as he walked back to the dance floor with his friends. 

He was dragged out of his daze when Alex a bit too roughly poked his side with his elbow. As he looked at his friend, he could see confusion and a hint of disapprovement in his eyes. The urge to tell him everything and explain that he wasn’t just picking out Lucas for a one night stand was too strong in the moment. So as an answer, he shrugged and walked to the shelves behind them, organizing their collection of whikeys. 

Through the rest of the night, he barely saw Lucas. It was almost like he was avoiding him, since it was always just one of his friends coming to them for drinks. He was both glad and upset at that. Glad, because it was easier to hold himself back, controlling his inside monster that just wanted to burst out from the mere presence of the brunette. Upset, because his whole body was craving for the boy so much it was physically hurting him. He could smell him, hear his heartbeat and see his beautiful features in the crowd. This was a torture for sure. 

The boys left an hour before closing, dragging a very drunk Basile with them. Emma already bailed a couple hours ago, now swaying and making out with a girl on the dance floor to some shitty techno remix. Most of the people already left the place, the rest was shit faced and close to passing out. Eliott decided to clean up the floor and the counter, while Alex went to say hi to his leaving friends. Just the thought of Lucas walking away from him was painful, but as he looked towards them, his eyes locked with a pair of ocean blue ones. His cheeks were a bit red, caused by the mix of alcohol and dancing. There was something in his gaze that sent shivers down Eliott’s spine, making his body tense up. The boy blinked a couple times, licking his bottom lip yet again, basically driving him crazy with this and focused his attention back to his friends. The three of them gave a short hug to Alex, still holding their wasted buddy in a tight grip before walking out of the door. Taking a part of Eliott with him.

━━━━

Closing went much smoother than Eliott expected. He helped to get the remaining people out of the building and clean up the place, but he could leave earlier since Alex offered to close and take Emma home. She was now sleeping on a comfy couch, that was placed in one of the corners, snorring loudly. 

He put on his jacket, shaking hands with his coworker and then stepped outside. The cold breeze of the morning air shook him up a little, helping to get rid of his sleepiness. It was still hard to get used to feeling tired and the need to sleep. His feet was making a crunching sound on the sidewalk as he took a few steps, then he noticed a figure standing a few meters from him, leaning against the wall. He looked over and suddenly he forgot how to breathe. 

Lucas was just standing there, his arms crossed, wearing his signature navy blue bomber jacket over that fancy button up shirt. His hair was falling into his face and his eyes were slightly closed. He actually looked like he was sleeping, even his breathing was slow and even, smelling a bit like beer. 

He wanted to resist so bad, but it was just impossible. They were alone, people were still sleeping or going home from parties, so the street was nice and quiet. The orange light of the street lamps were casting dark shadows over the beautiful face of the boy. As he too a step towards him, his eyes jerked open and his small body got all tensed. He looked at Eliott half shocked, half surprised.

“Hey.” he said, trying to hit a friendly tone in his voice, which seemed to ease the brunette a little.

“Hey.” his voice was almost a whisper and if Eliott wouldn’t have such sharp ears, he could have missed it.

“Alex will be coming a bit later.” he explained, since there was no other reason for him to be here than waiting for his friend. He saw Lucas was fidgeting with his hands, looking down to his feet before raising his gaze at him again. He was so fucking gorgeous.

“I was actually waiting for you.” he muttered under his breath and Eliott’s blue eyes shot wide, not believing his ears.

“Pardon?”

“I said, I was waiting for you.” he repeated now, looking a bit more confisent, his eyes filled with determination. If Eliott wouldn’t be already head over heels for this boy, well, he would be now. 

“And why?” he asked, not being able to hold back the amused grin that creeped up on his face. As a response, he got a shy smile which was the most precious thing he had ever seen. 

“I don’t know... I felt like I should do it.” he said honestly, shrugging like it was not a big deal, while it actually was. Eliott knew too well how that felt, because he kept having those feelings around Lucas way too often. 

“Well, I am here now.” He was praying to whatever force that took over his brain in the moment, making himself be able to speak in full sentences without stuttering. 

“I wanted to apologize.” he started, fingers playing with the zipper of his jacket. “I was a bit rude back then, not introducing myself and pulling away my hand, you know.” he mumbled and he was looking everywhere just to avoid the tall boy’s eyes. Eliott found that extremely endearing. 

“No need for that.” his tone was soft, like warm and fresh honey. “You must have had a rough night. I can walk you home if you want.” he offered, not thinking about the consequences of his own words. Once again, his heart was much louder than his sleep deprived brain. Lucas thought about it for a second and his face split into the most heartwarming smile on the world. 

“Okay, that sounds good.” he said happily, stepping on the sidewalk now.

ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^ˇ^

It’s finally here! I can’t believe I managed to finish this chapter, it might be a bit short, idk but I HAD TO cut it off here, because cliffhanger and because my brain is too tired to come up with more story atm  Enjoy this while you can, I’m going to have a long weekend so I might be able to squeeze out another chapter soon. Make sure to leave feedbacks and don’t hesitate to shoot me with ideas if you want. Bisous

[honeymoonjin]

enjoy your stay - chapter eight

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight

A/N - Just for now, I’m trialing not putting in chapter links on this post to see if it helps more people see it since the tumblr search function cuts out posts with links. If there’s not a big difference, I’ll put them in later, but to see the first chapter if you’re a new reader, please click on my blog and check out my masterlist.

ENJOY YOUR STAY ↳Boss!Namjoon, Chef!Jin, Receptionist!Hoseok, Bellboy!Jimin, Bartender!Jungkook, Accountant!Yoongi, Photography student!Taehyung ↳Some inappropriate language and cursing. Later chapters have sexual content.

SUMMARY ↳Working the graveyard shift at a hotel isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but your coworkers are certainly happy to have you here.

CHAPTER EIGHT ↳Your delightful encounter ends up leaving a bitter taste in your mouth when Jimin doesn’t respond the way you’d hoped. But perhaps a new source of comfort is around the corner.

Maybe it was too much to ask for you to just have one good day. It felt like after every good thing, there was a disaster around the corner just waiting to happen so that you didn’t get too happy.

In this case, it was your car breaking down on the side of the road ten minutes outside of town after you and Jimin fucked in a scummy bathroom like animals.

He was remarkably calm and collected about the whole ordeal as the two of you hung out in a ditch with smoke billowing from your hood, but maybe it was because he just had the soul sucked out of him less than half an hour ago.

You, on the other hand, had long left behind the post-orgasm bliss and were desperately holding back angry tears as your car was towed away, and a taxi was called out to take the two of you home.

The mechanics told you it would cost a small fortune to fix your shitty vehicle, but you had no other choice. You lived far enough from your workplace that walking or cycling wasn’t really an option, and you were too proud to take the bus. Besides, you had Jungkook to worry about too.

It only took a couple of hours to fix, but it took more out of your savings account than was put in from working every day for the past two months. If you were a more stubborn woman, perhaps you’d scowl and mutter about it practically being highway robbery, but instead you found yourself in the lobby of the local accounting firm, asking if you could have an appointment with Mr. Min Yoongi.

It was foolish of you to invite a freeloader into your home, acting like you were an upper middle-class diva when really you had just enough cushioning to feel a little secure.

Now, with your car using up more money than you had, you realized just how sad your finances were looking. You couldn’t even afford to hire an accountant, but you didn’t know where else to go. At least he could give you some advice, or something like that.

“What a delightful surprise,” he drawled when you were led into his fancy-schmancy corner office, “to what do I owe the honor?”

“It’s nothing to do with work. I just need some personal help with my finances.”

He adjusted the glasses on the bridge of his nose and steepled his fingers together. “Hmm. I find that being an accountant is much like being a doctor or a dentist. People only come to me when something’s gone wrong.”

“You’d be correct. Only problem is, I don’t have enough money to even hire you to help. I was just hoping maybe you could give me some advice.” You cleared your throat and avoided his gaze. “Hoseok told me about you two. I don’t suppose you’re interested in taking on another…client?”

He narrowed his eyes at you as your gaze burned a hole in the carpet. “Are you propositioning me in my place of work?”

“…Mhm.”

“Tell you what,” he declares, “I’ll take you on as a pro-bono client as long as you promise to never fucking do that again.” His tone is deadpan but luckily not angry or insulted.

“Got it, chief.”

“Don’t do that, either.”

“Uh- Thank you, sir?”

He nods thoughtfully. “That’ll do. Anyway, pro-bonos look pretty great on the CV apparently, and I’ve always been too much of a cold-hearted asshole to do them before, so, it’ll work out for the both of us.” He unlinks his hands and scribbles a post-it note, tucking it away in a thick leather-bound planner. He sighs. “And please ask Hoseok not to speak of his sexual relations with me.”

You pause. “Is that another condition for you helping me?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Then, with all due respect sir, not a fucking chance.”

He twiddles the pen in his hands and stares down at it in resignation. “Got it, chief.”

“Did he look hot?”

“That’s a pretty redundant question, Hobi.” “Fair. Continue.”

“Anyway, I really feel like him and I are vibing, you know? We had a little back-and-forth, we gave each other cute nicknames, he told me I warmed up his cold, dead heart…”

“I’ve been wrist deep in him, Y/n, so I’d say I know him pretty well, and there’s no fucking way he said that.”

“Maybe not in those words exactly,” you concede, chucking your empty paper cup in the trash can at his feet.

Work was a little slow today, so you had gotten permission from Namjoon to ‘help Hoseok tidy up his work space’, which just meant you and him chilling out behind the desk for an hour, chatting about whatever.

“Anyway, where’s Jimin?”

Hobi shrugs. “He went home early. Probably caught his dick in the vending machine again or something stupid like that.”

You grin. “That’s a shame, it was perfectly functional last time I checked.”

“Well, you know Jimin, al- Wait! What?” Hoseok’s eyes are comically wide, and he’s staring at you like you’ve given him a million dollars. “I cannot believe you let me sit here, discussing my sugar daddy for an hour before letting me know that! You little minx, tell me all about it!”

After spending another twenty minutes explaining the precise physics of your sexual encounter, Hobi finally let you leave to go do rounds again, but before you went back to Namjoon’s office, you tucked yourself away in the storage closet to make a phone call.

He picks up after the first ring. “Hey, baby,” his husky voice answers, and you just about melt right then and there.

“Jimin, how come you didn’t come to work today? I was looking forward to seeing you again.”

He grunts, and you frown at the muffled noises coming through the receiver. “I knew that if I saw you, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.” He lets out a dreamy sigh. “I can’t even control myself now,” he murmurs.

“What do you-” You hear a wet smacking sound repeating rhythmically, and Jimin grunts again. “Are you seriously jerking off right now?”

He laughs breathily, but it catches on a moan. “Yeah, baby, when I came to work, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I got hard right in the middle of the lobby.”

You frown. “Well, can you please…stop for now? I wanted to talk to you.”

Another whine. “We are talking.”

His breath is coming out in little pants and whimpers, and as hot as the sound is, you feel yourself getting frustrated, and not in the good way. “Seriously, Jimin, I’m trying to have a proper conversation here. I was going to ask you out to dinner, or breakfast, or whatever. I thought we should get to know each other better.”

He doesn’t respond, choosing instead to whisper sweet nothings like ‘fuck, baby’ and ‘feels so good’ over and over into the phone.

You think back to the last time you were in this closet, having a very different phone call. How Jin respected you so much that he wouldn’t even go out with you because he didn’t want you to end up disappointed. How he would forgo his own happiness to make sure you didn’t make a mistake in dating him.

And here was Jimin, jerking off like a teenager, completely uninterested in you asking him out.

You squeeze your eyes shut and rest your forehead against a shelf. “Jimin,” you whisper, unsure if he can even hear you as he gets louder and louder, “Jimin, this isn’t what I wanted. If all you want is sex, I’m not going to take part in whatever this is anymore. I don’t need a fuck buddy, I need a boyfriend. I need someone who understands me. I think you and I have misunderstood each other. I’m sorry.”

Somewhere in the middle of your monologue, he thankfully stopped, and the other end of the line was silent, except for the sound of him still breathing hard. “Baby,” he started eventually, “we haven’t misunderstood each other. I really like you. The way you sucked me off yesterday, god, it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen! Give me a chance.”

“No,” you reply softly, but your tone is final. “I’ll leave you to your jacking off.”

“Baby, just-” He’s cut off as you hang up.

Surprisingly, the whole encounter with Jimin has resolved a lot of bitterness with Jin. You could understand him now, not wanting to get involved with someone who expects something you just aren’t the right person to give.

It’s that sense of closure, like you made the right decision with Jimin, and that Jin had made a good call with you, that leaves you quite content as you speed through the rest of the shift.

Jungkook excitedly whips out his laptop when you pop into the bar, showing you an online course he found that would let him study game development specifically, rather than the generalized computer programming degree. He runs you through all the different topics, aware that you had no idea what they were but perfectly happy to spend forever explaining each one in excruciating detail and then thanked you profusely for letting him live with you.

When you had returned home yesterday after the whole broken-down car fiasco, you were genuinely shocked to see your apartment still in one piece. In fact, in the time he had to himself, he had set up his room with a desk and a little bookshelf he had found at the secondhand store. He was really making the place his own, and it made you feel like a protective mother hen to see the boy so happy.

He was just as pumped today and made sure to let you know how grateful he was. Jungkook had a completely different energy about him when he was doing something he actually enjoyed.

It was only twenty minutes away from the end of your shift when Hoseok called Namjoon’s office, saying there had been a noise complaint filed against the room that Taehyung was in. Namjoon, who was steeped in paperwork and reporting, asked you to handle it, saying that sometimes Taehyung could blast music a little too loud, but he’d turn it down if you told him to. He even threw in the exclusive offer that if you went and dealt with it, you could go home early afterwards. Of course, you’d have to wait around for Jungkook to get off, but finishing early was finishing early, so you gratefully accepted.

As you made your way to the hallway of rooms, you wondered what type of music Tae liked to blast. Did he wallow in self-pity to mopey 60s music like a tortured artist, or did he know all the dance moves to the latest k-pop hits?

But the closer you got, you realized there was no music at all. The hallway was completely silent. You knocked lightly on his door, but received no response.

If it wasn’t for the fact that you really wanted to get this sorted for good and go off duty a little early, you probably would’ve walked away.

As it was, you decided to whip out your master keycard and let yourself in. It was only once you got past the threshold that you heard any noise at all.

Certainly not loud enough to warrant a noise complaint since you couldn’t even hear it yourself directly outside the door, but it was there. The second you heard it, your heart dropped into your stomach, and your gaze immediately flicked over to the far side of the room where the sounds originated.

Jimin and Tae were entwined with each other, Jimin in Tae’s arms against the wall in a cruel mockery of the time you spent with him just the day before. Taehyung hadn’t heard you come in over the sound of Jimin moaning, but since the bellboy was conveniently facing the door, he glanced up over Tae’s sweaty shoulder when you came in and grinned at you.

The room tilted a little as your vision swam with the tears that quickly built up. He really couldn’t give a shit, could he? The moment you told him you weren’t interested in sex, he went out and found somebody else.

In any other circumstance, the scene playing out would’ve been completely pornographic. Jimin, hair sticking to his forehead, stared you deep in the eyes with a sultry smugness, jerking at each devastating thrust from the man below him.

Later, when you had cried all the tears you had to give, you would be thankful that at least Namjoon asked you to go instead of walking in on his little brother and the bellboy himself. But for now, you felt stupid and ashamed and used, and it must have been some masochistic streak that caused you to stand there for what was at least a full minute, never glancing away from Jimin’s mocking gaze as he muttered sweet things into Tae’s ear and breathed in little whimpers that were harmonizing sinfully with Taehyung’s deeper grunts and groans.

You tore your eyes away once as the two men began to come undone, bolting into the hallway and slamming the door behind you.

As valiantly as you tried to remain composed until you reached the staff carpark, hot tears spattered against your cheeks as you all but ran down the hallway. Clearly there was no real noise complaint. Clearly Park Jimin knew exactly what the fuck he was doing when he got you to come to Tae’s apartment in the middle of their tryst. You always saw Jimin as a little petty but there was really no reason for him to be this cruel.

What was it you said that caused him to be this way? He was just proving the reason you called quits on whatever it was the two of you had. You were right, really; there was no way he was boyfriend material if this was how he responded to rejection.

Perhaps the worst part of this is that you couldn’t even tell anyone about it. While workplace romance wasn’t illegal, fucking your way around the hotel staff was certainly frowned upon and was sure to bring an awkward light to the night shift. There was no way you were explaining to Namjoon the situation you found his sibling in, and you had no way of knowing whether Hobi would take your side or his.

As you bawled your eyes out in anger and frustration, you weren’t keeping track of the time at all, and you just about jumped out of your skin when the passenger door opened.

“Alrightey, let’s g- Oh my god, what happened to you?”

You shook your head mutely at the boy who sat himself in the seat beside you.

“Are you alright? Do you need me to drive?”

You sniff. “Do you have your license?”

“N- No.”

“Then no.” You clear your throat a couple times and pat your red cheeks a little to sober yourself before making the awkward drive home.

Jungkook had the good graces not to ask questions in the car, or once you got home and collapsed onto the couch to resume sobbing, but by the time midday rolled around and you still hadn’t moved a muscle except to wipe your dribbling nose, he brought you a block of chocolate and sat on the couch next to you. “Please, noona, tell me something so I can help you, I hate seeing you like this.”

You chow through a row or two of comforting confectionery before you answer. “Boy troubles,” you mumble. “Not much you can do about it.”

He tucks one leg under the other so he can face you fully on the couch. “Maybe it would help to just vent. Get it all out there.”

You raise your eyebrows, but he just blinks at you with his wide eyes, completely serious. “Fine. I had sex with a guy, told him I wasn’t interested in sex if it meant nothing to him, and then he got mad and fucked somebody else as revenge. He even set me up so that I walked in on the act. Sick son of a bitch.”

“What? Isn’t revenge porn illegal? I read that somewhere,” he stated.

“It is illegal, but this wasn’t technically revenge porn, it was…revenge sex. I don’t know. I just feel so shitty that he would do something like that. And then I feel shitty for feeling shitty because I shouldn’t care about him anyway since I was the one that ended things, right?”

“I had this one girlfriend,” Jungkook mused, “who would follow me around everywhere, always wanted to have sex, always wanted to make out. And so, I did. But then she told me she’d rather not bother with the making out and just go straight to sex all the time.” He broke off, eyes distant, and shook his head slowly at the memory.

You frown. “How is this supposed to help me?”

“Oh, I guess it probably doesn’t, but I just wanted you to know I’ve had a girlfriend before, and I’ve had sex before, like, multiple times, so I get what you’re going through.”

You open your mouth to retort, but then realize you have no idea what the fuck to say to that. Your mouth closes again.

“Anyway, when we finally broke up, I was super devastated. But after a while I realized that even if I had done whatever she wanted, I wouldn’t be happy. And it was kind of better to be sad knowing that I made the right decision, than be sad and not do anything about it, you know?”

You tilt your head in confusion. “Your grand thesis is that if I’m going to be miserable either way, I might as well be miserable on the moral high ground?”

He swallows and pouts a little. “Well, you’ve been having this conversation with me for the past five minutes and you’ve already stopped crying. You can’t be sad if you’re too distracted to think about your problems.”

“Your logic is very poorly constructed, but I think I see your point.”

He smiles at you, then, and leans in a little to rest his hand on yours. “If you want, I can distract you, noona.”

TAGLIST (if you wish to be added, send a message or an ask.)

@xxqueenwxtchxx

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@cvbachacbitch

@echimozart

[dhominis]

Update on my meatspace existence! CW for parents and disordered eating and general neuroticism. Things are pretty great.

I’m happy.

Social-wise, I am not where I’d like to be but I am slowly getting more and more social contact. (It’s... not enough, not by a long shot, but fairly okay for someone who’s been in a new city for like three months. Especially at my general level of social competence. The ideal setup involves more or less constant interaction with people, far more physical contact -- I need to live in a house with like five or six friends who are smart and excited about things and also really like physical contact.) I have a friend with whom I can hike and talk about cool pathogens. I’m probably LARPing with an cool epidemiologist and her LARP group pretty soon, which is nerd shit and also increased social competence and also running around in the woods -- perfect. I have been doing various social things. (Went to a kink social thing and a cute girl hit on me. It was great -- I don’t think she meant it as a serious expression of interest but I’m generally really ecstatic about people flirting with me. Also got great hugs.) Life is getting better.

Plans for the future seem more and more clear -- flexible, but there are viable paths to outcomes I want. Current most viable path: being an ICU nurse. I think I am going to be a really good ICU nurse; people who are familiar with my general personality concur. I am smart and competent and compassionate but not high-automatic-empathy enough that it’ll interfere with my functioning, I automatically think of things in terms of feedback within systems, I need to be active and under stress, I’m pretty high-conscientiousness with adequate caffeine intake and expect further improvement once I get either real ADHD meds or modafinil, I’ll be so good at this.

(I can handle stress, I can handle pressure. I cannot handle not being under pressure. A high-pressure job that occupies a lot of my time is more or less necessary; I am like a neurotic border collie that can’t self-motivate, I will always find things to do, if they’re not imposed from outside those things will be e.g. having pointless anxiety about things that really don’t merit anxiety.)

Be an ICU nurse for a few years. Donate ten percent. It’s worth figuring out whether “reducing medical error via checklists” is a viably high-impact thing; more likely I’ll end up working in the ICU until I stop being a high-stress traumatized adolescent, then go to CRNA school and make ridiculous CRNA salary and donate like $100k/year or something absolutely ridiculous like that.

Also when I moved out here I was very much thinking “yeah I’m gonna just work as much as I need to pay my bills and not think about school and just relax so much” and three months later I’m pulling stupid overtime and figuring out the best way to fast-track my nursing degree. (Depends on how much transfer credit Shitty Online College is willing to give me, but likely the best way to do it will be to finish my BS online while working full-time and then go to an accelerated RN program; that’d be only one full year of in-person school. And then just be a nurse.)

I applied to Shitty Online College today; in a few weeks they’ll tell me how much transfer credit they’ll give me. It might be a viable option, and if that’s the case I’ll work full-time and finish my BS and apply for the one-year RN for 2021. Even if it’s not a viable option I’ll need anat/phys to get into nursing school and it’ll be a lot cheaper to do the self-study CLEP-adjacent test-out thing the shitty online college offers.

...I don’t know how to self-motivate. I don’t know how to self-study. This is a thing I have to learn but also I don’t know how to learn. Offers of peer-pressure coworking are so welcome, guys.

I have been in overtime every week since the first week. I am comfortably middle-class, have been living on about $1200 a month, am saving over half my income. I am in a really good position to do everything I want to! Like, within a few years I’d be able to buy a house were I not instead funneling all my income into education.

It has occurred to me that being non-disabled in certain important ways is a large part of why I’m okay. It’s... not intuitive to think of myself like that; I couldn’t handwrite enough for any reasonable goal until 2017 (a few legible sentences and that’s it for the day!), couldn’t make decisions based on my long-term ability to walk. There is less pain now. I am able to walk the mile and a half to and from work; I don’t need an apartment that’s right next to my workplace, I don’t need a car. I can hang out in a room full of loud alarms going off constantly and also make phone calls constantly and have people’s lives dependent on my ability to cope with this (this is my current job, I fucking love it).

Eating still has not been good (see post, CW for various ~food issues~). I’d hoped that the change of environment and commitment to exposing myself to unpleasant things e.g. eating would be useful, and there have been really substantial improvements (haven’t vomited since I left $homestate, I think I’ve at least maintained my weight, there’s only been one day I didn’t eat at all) but it’s... still requiring sustained effort. (You may notice that I am not yet great at sustained self-directed effort.) I’ll figure it out. Getting adequate therapy is a priority.

I could afford full-time Soylent. This is not an option I’m seriously considering in the near term but it is very comforting to know that there is another option. It’s likely that after e.g. a year of effort and therapy food will become intrinsically motivating again -- it’s been less than a year since my food issues became seriously harmful, after all, and recovery is likely. But even if that doesn’t happen, even if solid food is horrible forever, I have an option besides “do a thing that is seriously aversive every day several times a day for the rest of my life” and “don’t eat and subsequently be unable to function because I don’t eat.”

What else --

I had planned to maintain contact with my parents after leaving, since it’s important to them; this is no longer a viable plan. Every seriously unpleasant mental state since I left has either been “eating is unpleasant” or “I talked to my parents and this is Not Good.” It’s... relevant that every time this has happened, it’s been substantially less bad than literally every day I’d lived with my parents. Possibly I do not have a good understanding of what is a reasonable amount of distress to put myself in. I am still learning this and it’s okay.

So. Not talking to them. It feels good and free and safe. I almost think I should miss them -- it feels disrespectful for my reactions to be universally positive. Mostly this is not distressing because oh my god this is awesome I don’t have to interact with them unless I specifically choose to.

Also, now I am responsible for adult things like meal prep and cleaning and health insurance and finding a therapist and getting my in-state driver’s license and, uh, getting an ADHD eval. I have been putting off going to the DMV and I just... I have to go to the DMV. This will suck a bunch for a very short period of time and then I will have an in-state driver’s license and also will laugh at myself for not having done this two months ago.

(figuring things out and becoming more competent -- intrinsically motivating, for me. it’s a good trait to have.)

[jojo-lity]

I'd like a scenario where a female scientist from the speedwagon foundation discovers that santana is alive (and perhaps has already awoken before she found him) at some time in the far distant future and she finds that the last living pillar man is the most interesting person she's ever met, and he finds that he feels similarly towards her.

here we are, sorry for the wait!

ao3 link

Heavy, exhausted eyes stared up at the dark ceiling. The flight to her new home had been rough, but she couldn’t bring herself to risk oversleeping. After a successful internship, she had been offered a position in one of the Speedwagon Foundation’s most top-secret facilities, and the last thing she wanted to do was compromise a good first impression by showing up late.

Showing up in a state of sleep deprivation might not have been much better. Sighing, she slipped out of bed, trudging to the disorganised kitchen. If she wasn’t going back to sleep, maybe some early breakfast would make her feel a little more prepared for the day ahead.

It proved a good decision, perhaps more for the accompanying cup of coffee than the food itself. While she still couldn’t say she was at her brightest, it was enough to get her out the door on time.

On the surface, the facility looked exactly the same as the place she had worked before. The building’s structure was identical, and it was full of busy people in the familiar uniform, carrying various artifacts of interest to the organisation. The only notable difference was the battalion of guards surrounding every entrance, giving her and her ID a stern stare before parting to let her in.

She had been assigned to the study of a particular project. She hadn’t been told very much about it, only that it had been going on for a long time, and even in the building where everything was secret, any information about it was to be kept strictly under wraps. Apparently, there would be catastrophic consequences if anything got out. It made her nervous, but there was a certain kind of pride to be taken from it, if she was being trusted with such a sensitive matter. Nothing could possibly make her let her employers down.

“There you are.” Her direct supervisor didn’t seem like one for greetings, but at least she wasn’t unfriendly. “Right now, you just have to watch. Let us know if anything changes.” Was there a trace of pity on her face? “Do a good job, and you’ll be able to do something else soon.” From there, there was little left to do but show her to her station- a single chair and small desk, overlooking a large glass case.

The glass was thick enough to appear bulletproof, and harsh light was shining on it from every direction. It seemed strange, when all she could see in there was a rock. It was a bit larger than a human, and beautifully carved- Hang on. Looking closer, it appeared that there was a human face etched into the stone. She was no art student, but was it really possible for human hands to bring out such breathtaking detail? If not for the rocky texture, she almost could have sworn that the full, delicate lips were about to take a breath.

“Santana.” She jumped a little. Had she really been so absorbed that she had forgotten her supervisor was standing behind her? “That’s what we call him. Not sure who thought of it, but…” She shifted a little, almost uncomfortably. “Calling him “it” didn’t really sit right.” She might have been about to say more, but a machine on the other side of the room beeped, and she left the new employee to her work.

—

On the first few days, the sheer novelty of her new workplace, and her growing curiosity about exactly who or what “Santana” was, had been more than enough to get her through the hours of watching absolutely nothing happen. But as the week reached its end, she had to admit…

It was getting extremely boring.

At least her colleagues seemed to trust her, since they were leaving her alone in the room more and more often, especially during the later hours. Having no friends or family in the area, she had no reason to keep a regular schedule, so she had gone ahead and taken on most of the night shifts. In the middle of the night, the lab was a tranquil place, enough that her focus had slipped once or twice.

As luck would have it, it was in one of those moments that her lifeless, unmoving responsibility began to stir.

Body finally strong enough to withstand the constant ultraviolet assault for a short time, the protective hardness of Santana’s skin started to recede, allowing him to move and take in his surroundings. He wasn’t in the well, and Joseph was nowhere to be seen. He only saw one human, who was turning towards him with an expression of horror.

“I have to call someone!” Shocked enough to exclaim out loud, she grabbed her phone, dialling the number she had been given. It went to voicemail, prompting her to speak. “Hey, I…”

Her phone fell from her hand, the call spontaneously ending as it hit the floor. But she never dropped her phone. In the few seconds between that moment and the last time she had looked his way, Santana had escaped from the impenetrable glass, and was towering over her with a vaguely unimpressed look. “Don’t call anyone.”

Apparently satisfied with her timid nod, he turned away from her, eyes scanning every machine in the room. “Humanity has advanced yet further,” he muttered, lifting a computer monitor from its place on the table. In a few deft movements, it was in pieces in his hands, each individual component carefully turned over and examined.

He clearly wasn’t human, if he could move so quickly and effortlessly. But what was he? Why had he been in what was essentially a cage? Why was it so imperative that he didn’t escape? All he was doing was inspecting the rest of the computers, tapping at their keys and intently watching the results on the screens.

“You’ve created minds to think for you.” He turned back around to look at her. Or rather, only his upper half turned. It was a bit unsettling, even with the chiselled perfection of his face in full view. “A creative method to surpass your limits.”

“Thank you… I mean, I didn’t make these! It wasn’t even my idea.” The nocturnal schedule must have been taking its toll, since her stomach flipped at the idea of potentially being complimented by him. Maybe she needed more regular meals.

“Then whose was it?” With one last hit of a button, every ultraviolet light in the room shut off, leaving only a dim fluorescent glow. “Perhaps they’re worth meeting.”

“Well, they’re probably dead now… or most of them, anyway.”

“Hm. Really.” He blinked, drawing her attention to the gear-like symbol below his eye. “Human lives are… perhaps too short. Though I’m sure that’s the next problem you intend to solve.”

“It’s… one of them?” She wasn’t sure just how active the rest of the building was at this time of night, but someone was bound to notice soon that most of the room’s functions had shut off. She didn’t know why Santana had been held captive. All she knew was that as long as he walked and talked and reasoned like any living person, she couldn’t see him back in that position.

“We need to go.” It wasn’t easy to maintain any kind of authority, especially when he stared down at her as if she was interrupting something. When her voice wavered a little, she repeated her statement with more force behind it. “Or else we’re both in for it. Who knows what they might do?”

Thankfully, he seemed to accept it. “I’m taking these with me.” That was all he said before lifting a table that carried most of the equipment, holding it steady in his hands and walking right out. All she could do was struggle to keep up, watching as he effortlessly swept aside any obstacle between himself and the outside world.

—

“I can’t believe we did that.”

“There’s no reason not to believe what I did. It wasn’t even the first time.” After breezing out the door, Santana had continued out into the desert. Feeling somewhat responsible for what she had allowed to escape into the world, and still full of curiosity about his existence, she had seen no reason not to follow. She probably wouldn’t be able to show her face at the Speedwagon Foundation again.

After dismantling all his takings, he was in the process of reassembling them into a single machine. She knew a thing or two about computers, but he worked so quickly that it made her head spin. And he claimed to have never heard of computers? 

“Well, I can’t believe what I did. I worked so hard for that job, and now here I am…” She swiped at the ground, collecting a handful of sand and letting it slip between her fingers. “Maybe I’ll get arrested.”

“Arrested?”

“Yeah, uh… guys with guns will come get me, and put me in a room, and I’ll probably have to stay there for a bunch of years. And it’ll suck… I mean, it’ll be the worst thing ever.” The more she talked about it, the more of a certainty it seemed.

“But you already live such short lives.” She was surprised to find that his attention was fully on her, his voice signalling a faint interest that it had been completely devoid of before. “Why would you be deprived of any of it?”

“I don’t know, it’s… just how we do things?” Now that she thought about it, it did seem odd. “Seriously, though, it wasn’t my idea. And whoever came up with it? Long gone.”

He shook his head in a short, tight motion. “And they told me nothing would change in two thousand years.”

“Two… thousand? Who’s “they”?” Was there any use in asking questions? Everything either of them said only seemed to raise more questions, more than they could answer even if they wanted to. “Never mind.” She fell silent, trying to listen for police sirens.

Some time passed, anywhere from a few minutes to an hour, until the structure Santana had built made a booting-up sound. It was followed by the familiar glow of several monitors, each displaying something different. He seemed to be paying special attention to the one rigged up to what resembled a small radio tower.

“Nothing mechanical is approaching us,” he informed her. “And I would sense the presence of anything biological.”

She nodded, seeing no reason to argue. Even if it was just an extremely convincing fake, she wanted to believe that he knew what he was doing. There was something fascinating about his absolute command over what he knew, and even what he didn’t. It made her wonder… “Why are you helping me?”

“You helped me.” Of course his answer was simple, and made perfect sense. “It seems that it was important for you to keep me in there. And yet you never asked that of me. It’s… interesting.”

There was no reason for him to lie. She was interesting to him, and not just as a curiosity, a representative of an unknown species. It made her feel a little less authentic, but rather than give up, she found within herself the determination to get to know him as a person. He had revealed enough to prove himself more than interesting.

“So, now that you’re out… where were you planning on heading?”

He blinked again. “Nowhere, just yet.” He gestured to his computer, now displaying words and images from all over the Internet. “I have a lot to learn.”

Waiting for the objection that never came, she moved herself closer, eventually settling herself next to him. “I think I do too.”