#i need you to stop being easier to play when you're being angsty

[heartofwritiing]

could you write wilbur soot confessing his love to a crush? 👉👈

something about how he's been pinning after this crush for so long, but the crush seems a bit avoidant or something

but that's because the crush also has a crush on him and is very very shy qpwimsmanssjslslek sorry im not good with requests

You and me need never be, lonely again.

Paring: cc!wilbur soot x fem!cc!reader

authors note: Thank you so much for requesting! I hope you don't mind the reader being a content creator and i’m sorry she’s not super shy because im not really sure how to write shy lol but i hope you like the request! I just thought it would add to the idea and I've wanted to do something similar to this for a while! This is a request back from august. I am so sorry this took me so long to get out. I've been going through some shit irl but I'm finally starting to come back to writing because I genuinely love it and posting on here since it is my safe space!

line from this prompt list

warnings: friends-lovers, reader lives in the US, brief description of anxiety, the reader sends mixed signals, swearing, kinda angsty, happy end, super unedited!

"No! That was such bullshit!"

The voice of Tommyinnit ran through the speakers of your computer causing you to let out a chuckle that you were the reason for his outburst.

You were playing Gang Beasts on stream with some of your closest friends, and you had grabbed Tommy's character and thrown him off the map by picking him up.

Laughter rang out amongst the group as the screen card popped up saying your username won. You cheered as everyone groaned but dispersed into 'ggs' then that's when everyone started to bid goodnight. You hadn't realized it had been four hours of streaming and playing games, showing the good time you were having with friends.

"Alright chat, that's gonna be it for me today! Please remember to click the follow button if you're new to stream that way you'll know when I go live! byeee!" You did your outro, quickly closed your stream down, and logged out of Twitch.

It was an uneventful stream session, thank god. You’ve noticed more and more how your chat gets when you even mention wilburs name.

“you logging off completely y/n/n?” Ranboos voices asks through your earbuds.

“No, I’ll play a few more rounds if you guys are down,” you respond.

“HELL YEAH!” Tommy boasted. “IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS THIS TIME Y/N/N!”

“Oh, it’s on gremlin child!” you replied.

Wilbur listened to this conversation on his end, letting out a chuckle. He honestly doesn’t know why you make him laugh so easily. Anytime you threw a genius comment toward Tommy that was deemed insulting, or calling him a name Wilbur fell for you more and more. If only he had the guts to tell you.

You as well wouldn’t admit it but every time Wilbur laughed all you could feel was butterflies punching your stomach and a smile that made your cheeks hurt. You were also falling hard for him.

After about another fifteen minutes, Tommy and Ranboo had bid their goodbyes for the night and ended their calls. You were left in call with Wilbur, the silence could be cut with a knife.

Knowing him for two years was hard. Wilbur was everything to you. He was funny, smart, charming, and overall made you feel comfortable. Something you thought you’d never have with anyone. Having to only talk on call and video made things easier for you. On call you could hide your blushes and smiles from him, but not from your chat who caught every interaction between you and Wilbur when you streamed. The constant ’Wilbur x name confirmed?’ tweets and comments in your twitch chat were recently repetitive and you wondered when you became such a beacon of attention. It gave you such anxiety to have all eyes on you when you wanted to spend time with your best friend.

It was getting obnoxious to the point where you debated making a tweet to get the fans to stop shipping you both, even if you were dating it was no one’s business. Still you never dared to say anything out of fear of stans coming at you in anyway. You didn’t need to draw more unwanted attention to yourself.

“You logging off? it’s getting pretty late for you,” you spoke up.

“Yeah, we both should, by the way what times your flight tomorrow?”

Right, you were flying less than eight hours from now to finally meet your friends inperson. You all had planned this for months, booking hotels and flights, making a whole deal about it. Then you really wouldn’t be able to hide from him for a whole week.

“Around seven-thirty,” you reply.

He hums.

“I’ll let you get some rest, see you tomorrow night darling,” his voice purposely going lower on the ‘darling’ part that you almost didn’t catch it, making your knees go weak.

“N-night Will,” you stutter, end call and slump back into your desk chair trying to calm your racing heart. Meanwhile Wilbur all the way across the ocean in Brighton has a smile plastered across his lips.

About a plane ride, a train ride and car ride later, you are stood in the hotel lobby in Brighton waiting for a late Tommy and Wilbur to arrive. You were super nervous to meet them. Having only been friends for what was a short time, it felt like you knew them for years, so why was this so scary?

You debated in your mind about texting them to see if they were close by, but you didn’t want to come off as annoying and impatient. You wanted to make a good first impression, but again these were your friends. Why were you shaking with nerves?

You fiddled with your thumb’s absentmindedly until you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to jump out of your skin. You spin around to be met with a cackling Tommy who is clucking his stomach from laughing so hard at your reaction.

“Fucking gremlin child,” you huffed under your breath, not realizing the evident blood rushing to your cheeks from being startled so easily.

“It’s nice to hear you say that in person,” a deep voice said from behind Tommy. You shifted your eyes to see a very tall Wilbur, who was wearing his round glasses pushed up his nose and curly hair fluffed to the side.

His dark sweater selves rolled up to revel his arms tucked into his side as he gazed at you with a soft smile. Finally after two years of being separated by seas, your best friend was standing right in front of you. It was surreal to say the least.

You laugh and jump forward to embrace him. The number of times you’d tease him over-call about his height made you regret your words. He towers over you as he bends down to your level to give you a long awaited hug. His arms are soft, yet firm as they wrap around your back and cage you into his embrace.

You both pull away, both grinning from ear to ear. He looks down at you with a hint of something behind his eyes, he seems to be genuinely happy to finally meet you in person. which makes you blush at the thought of him looking forward to this moment since you told him you wanted to come here. You're quickly brought out of your moment when Tommy speaks up behind you.

"So he gets a hug and I don't?!" his tone slightly offended.

"Yup, cause you're annoying," you bring a hand up to flick his forehead, causing him to let out a irritated noise. you had only just met him in person but something compelled you to do that. Maybe it was just a reason for you to break the ice and it was working because you all broke out into giggles.

“Im just kidding Tom,” you motion him into a hug.

Wilbur just stood observing the entire interaction between his two best friends. He was thrilled to finally have you here, he couldn't wait to show you all his favorite places, hang out, and get to know better in person. Finally.

The two boys had managed to drag you to the beach, and even though it was freezing Tommy insisted on going to the arcade to try and win another 'vlog gun'. After suffering through loosing a few games, Wilbur managed to win you a little stuffed cat that you promptly named Mr Whiskers.

It was endearing to watch him struggle at most of the games so he could get enough tickets. It was all worth it in his eyes to embarrass himself by losing ski-ball to you, twice, he saw the evident blush on your cheeks and the look you gave him. As if he hung the stars in the sky just for you. It made his chest hurt in a good way.

The rest of the night went smoothly for the most part. More and more, Wilbur had been getting more touchy with you. Though you didn’t mind it at all, maybe he didn’t realize how much he was putting his hand on you as you walked side by side as he led you through crowds. How he held doors open for you. It was sweet.

Maybe he was doing it just to be nice. That small voice in the back of your head telling you thats all it was. Because thats what friends do.

Eventually, the three of you met up with Ranboo and Charlie. They were just how they were online, which made meeting them a whole lot better. Walking around Brighton, making inside jokes and teasing each other. You hadn't been this happy in a while. You can remember the last time you genuinely enjoyed yourself, your friends were the product of that. You were fortunate to have found them when you did. Quarantine was hard on you, much like the rest of the world. So when you were invited to join a group game call, you couldn't pass up the opportunity. That night, something had clicked between you and Wilburt specifically. Then you started to join more calls with the gang and the rest was history.

Sometime in the night, you found yourself walking behind with Wilbur by your side chatting about nothing in particular. Until the comfortable silence filled the air between you, you took a moment to take in the nightlife of Brighton. The street lamps guide your way through the beachside and the pubs on the corner were starting to fill up. As if the city was somehow more alive at night.

"I'm really glad you came," Wilbur speaks, sincerely.

You stop your wide-eyed gaze to look at him and smile softly at him.

"I am too," You gush. "I'm honestly considering moving here,” Now he’s smiling.

Wilbur's brain starts to go a million miles a second. His heart leaped at the thought of you living closer to him. Seeing you in person everyday seemed like a dream come true. He begins to slow his step and a frown replaces your smile. Your own thoughts running rampant now, assuming you might've freaked him out by voicing that you wanted to move here so soon after meeting him in person. Maybe it made him uncomfortable. it was too soon to say something that bold. You had only just met him in person today.

"Listen, Y/N..."

You stopped and your brain got the best of you with his tone. You shouldn't have said anything like that to him. It was too soon.

“I don’t want to sound cheesy, but I need you to know how I feel.”

Oh... OH.

You knew what this was leading to. Realizing why he was acting the way he was all day.

"I like you, more than like you. You're funny, beautiful, smart, and everything I could've hoped for in a best friend. But I can't keep pretending I don't think of you when we aren't talking, or how when I look at you my chest hurts."

Wilbur liked you. Really liked you. You would jump for joy and shout to the rooftops about how much you reciprocate his feelings but something in the back of your mind told you not to. The doubt in your mind from yourself, both your fans online judging. It made you slowly start to panic. You felt as though you weren’t good enough for him.

You saw the aftermath of when his fans shipped him and Niki together. It almost ruined their friendship. You didn’t want that.

"Please say something?" he stops his rant to notice you are staring up at him with blank eyes.

"I-uh," you stutter. "can we maybe not do this now?"

His face falls and it instantly crushes you with regret. His disappointment shows as he gives you a forced smile and nods.

"Y-yeah, let's catch up with everyone, Tommy wants to do this big stream at his place." he gestures for you to move along with him, all while you feel horrible for doing this.

You wish you could take back what you said. You know you've hurt him, It's painfully obvious when he doesn't talk to you for the rest of the walk. You glance at him a few times but he keeps his eyes forward and stoic.

If only you didn’t let your anxiety get the best of you. You had to talk to him at some point, but for now you pushed it aside. The rest of the group didn’t seem to notice the sudden tension between the two of you, if they did nothing was remarked about it.

As you continued the journey to Tommys flat, you and Wilbur still walked silently side by side. With what little courage you had, you reached out your hand and held his in a moment of truce. Giving it a gentle squeeze with your fingers to seal the deal that you would talk later. You heard his soft inhale at the contact and he squeezes back. Your shoulders drop from the weight of tension being lifted off. Maybe, just maybe this ment this conversation wasn’t over.

Back at Tommy’s, the monitor in his cramped bedroom with everyone packed together like sardines; shows the twitch chat flashing by with viewers comments.

“WELCOME BACK TO THE STREAM EVERYONE!” Tommy shouted causing you to hold your ear in slight pain.

“God Tommy, could you be anymore loud?” you wince.

“Look who’s here chat!” he gestured to you with his hands, ignoring your complaints. You waved at the webcam as chat went crazy. He introduced everyone else as they all broke out into a chorus of conversation.

Wilbur was mostly quiet on your left, an occasional sarcastic comment made here and there. You could practically feel his eyes buring into the side of your head. Hopping chat wasn’t noticing how he was looking at you, your eyes shifting to your lap to fidget with your fingers.

Out of view, Wilbur reached over and took your hand picking at the skin around your nails. You had stopped your nervous tick and opted for squeezing his hand. Nobody seemed to notice the sudden shift in both your behavior.

Suddenly you felt tense, the feeling of having everyone’s eyes on you made your mind start to spiral.

Letting go of Wilburs hand, you quickly had excused yourself and walked out of Tommys room and into the kitchen.

Everyone had a mix of concerned and worried expressions as they watched you leave the room but didn’t say anything about it. Wilbur had followed you in pursuit. He found you in the kitchen hyperventilating Your panic had taken over and now your lungs were paying the price for the burning sensation from not breathing.

“it's okay,” he took your face into his hands and held you. “just follow my breaths.

he took a breath in, and you followed.

When you came to your senses, Wilbur had asked you what was wrong and you just began to cry. Everything came rushing down on you.

“Im sorry. I-Im sorry I shot you down earlier, Im sorry for h-hurting you. I-i,” you stuttered over yourself. Wilbur shakes his head at you. He probably thinks you’re such a mess.

“I don’t understand, I know you like me too, so I don’t understand why you rejected me after I poured my heart out to you. Then you go and hold my hand while we're walking.'

Wilbur was right. Playing with his feelings was selfish and cruel. He was completely in the right to question you. You were practically flirting with one another all day, and then you shut down his advances of trying to open your relationship.

“I do wanna be with you.” you sniff. “I'm just really scared.”

"Why darling? It's just me, your silly old Wil." he pokes at your sides causing you to let out a giggle. Your best friend, who looked at you with the prettiest chocolate eyes, who stayed on call with you all night when you couldn't sleep. The only person you told your deepest fears and dreams to.

You take a shaky inhale as you begin to explain. "I don't wanna ruin our friendship, we have something I've never experienced with anyone else in my life. I care about you too much to let me be a distraction in your life, and I am scared that the fans will-"

Wilbur interrupts you with a hand on your arm.

"The fans? darling who cares about that, I care way too much about you to even care about what strangers think. It's no one's business who I, or you for that matter have a relationship with." he clarified. "I love you and nothing or no one will ever change that."

Those three words made your heart leap in your throat.

"Y-you l-love me?" you stutter in disbelief.

"Yes, of course I do."

Tears roll down the apples of your cheeks as you lean forward to engulf Wilbur into another hug. His arms wrapped around your back reciprocating your embrace. your face buried in his neck as you inhale his cologne and your tears dampen his skin.

"I love you too Wil," you whisper.

He squeezes you closer to him in return and this time you don't hold yourself back...

-

taglist: @trashcanduck @ax-y10 @mysticalsoot @idontreallyexistyet @loonalvjy @toastyliltoasts41

[yeoosaangg]

Bad Idea || Kinktober - Day 3

pairing ▸ jung wooyoung × f!reader

now playing ▸ bad idea - dove cameron

⤷ ❝i've got a lot of sins, but you're my favorite.❞

genre ▸ college au, (one-sided) "enemies" to lovers, kinda angsty, smut

warnings ▸ mommy kink, dry humping, marking, degradation, biting, mentions of depression, self-harm, blood, attempted suicide, hospitalization

── ⋆ ⋆ ── 𔘓 ── ⋆ ⋆ ──

You sit in a circle, bored out of your mind.

A bunch of drunk college students thought it'd be fun to play a silly party game called "Seven Minutes in Heaven".

The last pair of students came back with swollen lips and a few hickeys.

Typical.

Chaewon: Alright! Y/n, spin the bottle.

Y/n: I told you I wasn't playing.

Chaewon: Just do it once! You don't actually have to do stuff in the closet. Just wait until the seven minutes are over.

If she wasn't your friend, you'd punch her. But you sigh, spinning the stupid bottle.

It comes to a stop and you look up at the chosen one you'd be locked in a closet with.

Oh, fuck no! Absolutely not.

Chaewon: Off you two go! Try not to kill each other please.

Easy for her to say!

Wooyoung smirks, confidently walking towards the closet. You follow, putting as much distance between you and the boy as possible.

Hendery: Game starts as soon as I close this door.

Then he slams it shut, locking it from the outside.

Wooyoung: I see you’ve grown out of your baby cheeks.

Y/n: Is that a compliment?

Wooyoung: Just an observation.

Y/n: Whatever.

He chuckles.

Wooyoung: Haven't seen you since junior year of high school.

You cross your arms, staring at your feet. Why is he talking to you like you're old friends catching up. You just want to leave this stupid closet.

Y/n: For good reason.

Wooyoung: Why? We used to be great friends.

Y/n: Like you care.

Wooyoung: Of course I care.

If he did, he would've been there for you when you needed him the most. But he wasn't.

Y/n: Just shut up.

Wooyoung frowns. You never talked to him this way before, what happened? Why'd you drift so far away from him? When did you get so cold?

Wooyoung: Why do you hate me so much?

You scoff. There's no need for him to know, it already happened.

Y/n: Figure it out if you want to know so bad.

He whines quietly.

It'd be easier to clear the air if you'd just talk to him. Why are you being difficult?

He pouts, not liking how you're ignoring him. So he starts kicking your leg to catch your attention.

Y/n: Quit it!

Wooyoung: Not until you tell me what I did.

Y/n: Ugh, fine!

He smiles triumphantly, leaning forward with anticipation.

Y/n: Remember when I spam called you the night you went to Yeosang's birthday party?

He nods.

He was going to call you back when Yeosang took his phone away so he wouldn't be distracted. He meant to follow up with you, but you disappeared.

Y/n: Massive trigger warning, but I was going through a rough depressive episode and needed someone to distract me from doing something really bad.

Wooyoung's smile drops, his shoulders slumping in sadness.

Y/n: When you didn't pick up, I got upset and the bad thoughts got worse. My mom was home, so I couldn't do it there... But I ended up walking to the nearby bridge.

Wooyoung's stomach tightens, a few tears falling down his face.

Y/n: I took out the razor blade I had in my pocket and cut really deep into my arms. I threw it into the river below me and I climbed the railing.

Wooyoung's bottom lip trembled, taking your hand in his. You didn't pull away from him, which made him feel hopeful.

Y/n: Before I could jump, Haknyeon saved me.

Wooyoung: My friend?

Y/n: Mhm. He said his family was on their way back from eating out at a restaurant when he recognized me and told his dad to stop the car.

Wooyoung: I'm happy he did.

Y/n: I wasn't. But he never told anyone what happened. He covered for me and lied to my mom about what happened. He helped me get better until I fully recovered.

He should thank Haknyeon. His best friend wouldn't be here today if he hadn't been there to save you.

Wooyoung: That's why you randomly disappeared... Because you were in the hospital.

You nod, smiling at him.

Y/n: Very dark period in my life. I still have some days where I'm feeling icky, but not as bad as that day. I hope I never get to that point again.

Wooyoung: I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

Y/n: You didn't know. But I still held a grudge 'cause you promised never to ignore me.

Wooyoung: And I wasn't! But Yeosang took my phone and told me to stop letting you distract me.

Y/n: Why would I be a distraction?

He clears his throat, feeling a bit embarrassed now. It's not an appropriate time to talk about that.

Hendery: Five minutes!

Right, they're still playing the game.

Wooyoung: Ain't no way that was two minutes. This feels rigged!

Hendery: Maybe if you weren't boring and kissed her, time would go by faster!

Kiss?!

Wooyoung: He's crazy.

Y/n: Yeah, but he's hot so it cancels out.

Wooyoung: You think he's hot?

Y/n: Well, yeah. But I wouldn't date him.

Wooyoung: Would you fuck him?

Huh?

Y/n: Why're you asking?

Wooyoung: I'm curious.

Y/n: No. We're both dominant types in the bedroom, it wouldn't work out.

He hums in acknowledgement.

Wooyoung: What about me? Would you fuck me?

Y/n: Do you want me to?

He shivers in place before answering.

Wooyoung: Yes.

Oh!

Wooyoung clears his throat, not expecting the conversation to have gone this route.

But he likes it.

Wooyoung: I've always had a crush on you. Ever since we met, actually.

Y/n: Damn. If you had asked me out when were were kids, I would've accepted.

Wooyoung: And if I ask you now?

Y/n: I wouldn't hate the idea.

Wooyoung: Do you want to go on a date with me?

Your smile beams, making his worries disappear.

Y/n: I'd love to, baby.

He giggles, hiding his face behind his hands. You coo, moving to sit next to him.

Wooyoung: Can I call you Mommy when we're alone?

Fucking hell.

Y/n: Yeah, baby. You most definitely can.

Wooyoung: Okay.

You can see him let himself go, letting you see the side of him no one else can see.

Wooyoung: Can I kiss you, Mommy?

Y/n: Come sit on my lap, precious.

He wastes no time sitting on your lap and wrapping his arms around your neck. His body melts at your touch, your lips dancing with his.

He angles his hips so his crotch rubs against your clothed heat. He softly whines into your mouth, loving the feeling of having you to himself.

Y/n: Baby, can I mark you?

Wooyoung: Yes, please. Want people to know I'm Mommy's.

You smile, pulling down the fabric of his hoodie. Your hot tongue licks the skin of his collarbone before you paint a few red marks on him.

You know they'll bruise later.

His hips stutter, loving how intimate and scandalous this was. Inside of someone else's closet at that.

Y/n: Look at you, so desperate for me. Mommy's little whore.

Wooyoung: Mommy, please.

Y/n: Please, what, baby?

Wooyoung hides in the crook of your neck as his rhythm picks up pace, whimpering at how good he's feeling.

Hendery: Three minutes!

Wooyoung quietly whines. He doesn't want this moment to end. He pulls down your shirt and starts biting your shoulder.

Y/n: I like that a lot, baby.

You moves your hands from his hips to his ass, giving him a hard squeeze. He chokes on his moan, not wanting Hendery to hear.

Y/n: Is my pretty boy feeling shy?

Thing is, he has no problem acting like an arrogant asshole all the the time. But when it comes to the bedroom, he turns into mush and wants to be held.

He wants you to reduce him to nothing but Mommy's fucktoy.

Y/n: Aww, look at you. What happened to the boy that was so bold and sure of himself just moments ago? Why do you seem so small now?

His brain short-circuits. Your tone was sickenly sweet and soft, but your words were mocking him. It's confusing his brain.

Y/n: What's wrong, baby? Is it too much to process with that little brain of yours, hm?

Wooyoung: I- Um, w-we... What's-

He looks so fucking cute. You want to fuck him silly, but that can wait for another day.

Y/n: Look at you, stuttering and tripping over you words. How about I shut you up, baby.

He gasps as you kiss him. He feels so good, loving the way you're holding him.

You hum, sliding your hand under his hoodie. You pull him impossibly closer, using your tongue to part his lips.

He quietly whines, rememberng where you guys were.

Hendery: One minute!

Y/n: How about you make yourself cum, baby?

Wooyoung presses into you, the friction stimulating you both. He inhales another moan, trying his best to keep his sounds at bay.

Wooyoung: Gonna cum, Mommy.

His muffled words were so cute, but you understand him perfectly.

Y/n: Go ahead, baby. Let it out for me.

His hips stutter, releasing inside his underwear. You cum at the same time, feeling your panties soak.

He whines, feeling sticky but so good.

Wooyoung: Thank you, Mommy. Was so good.

Y/n: Of course, my cute boy. Now, fix yourself up, We've got 15 seconds.

You smirk, watching him pull down his oversized hoodie over the front of his jeans. He wipes his face and fixes his hair just in time.

Hendery: Wow, you two really are lame.

Y/n: Thanks, Dery.

Hendery: You guys didn't even talk?

Y/n: What's there to talk about?

Your friend rolls his eyes and pushes you out of the closet.

Wooyoung immediately goes back into his confident and arrogant persona. But you know the truth.

Wooyoung: She's a buzzkill, dude. I need another drink.

They wrap their arms around each other and follow you back into the other room so other people can play the game.

═══

a/n: yeah, idk. i think i'm incapable of NOT adding some sort of plot... the song barely has connection to the fic, i just like it. thanks for reading ‹𝟹

[tomhollandisabae]

Loved the ones you wrote about Lewis. Can you do something angsty. Like they have a huge fight cause he's jealous and even break up, but eventually get back together. Thank youuuu

thank u so much for ur request luvv!!❤️

the met - lewis hamilton x reader

masterlist

summary; following your night out at the met gala with lewis, you return home and a huge fight breaks out, leading to many regrets

warnings; heavy angst, panic attack, mentions of death, jealousy, mature language, fluff at the end

words; 1.2k

a/n; please send me ur requests!!❣️

You and Lewis had finally decided to attend the Met Gala together this year for the first time as an official couple. However, if only you knew how things would eventually turn out, you’d never to do that.  

You'd hoped for a nice evening, getting to know new people, socializing and in general having the time of your life with your boyfriend. Nonetheless, as a result of you being a well-known actress- and one of the most beautiful out there- you tended to attract too much attention on you.  

So, when one of your co-stars from your new movie started acting a little friendlier with you, Lewis saw red. You noticed how quickly his behaviour changed, from being out going and relaxed – to being moody and restraint. You thought that he was acting childish, so you decide against paying him any mind, but that infuriated him even more, resulting in you being more than annoyed because of him.  

Undoubtedly, it was expected once you walked in your house, that he’d start throwing fits at you. 

“Lewis, seriously relax” you rolled your eyes as you made your way to your bedroom to change. 

“Relax? You just fucking asked me to relax? No y/n, I won’t relax because you know why huh?” he looked at you while pointing his finger towards you “because today you acted like a total brat, knowing already that whatever you were doing was bothering me, you decided against changing your behaviour and continued on flirting with that asshole.”  

At that point you’ve had enough.  

“I acted like a fucking brat? Me? You're unbelievable Lewis. You have no right to tell me how to behave. I was being friendly towards him, we were playing in a goddamn movie together for six whole months, did you ever think that if I really wanted him like that, I wouldn’t already have done something back then, when I was alone with him?” you yelled at him. 

“I don’t know that...” his posture stiffened. 

“Excuse me?” you asked shocked. 

“I don’t know that nothing happened between you two while I wasn’t around. As you said, it was easier back then and considering the way you both were acting tonight, I don't exactly doubt that.” he told you and you felt your heart breaking into millions of pieces. 

“You really think that low of me? You really think that I would do something like that to you? Even after the millions of times I've told you how much I love you?” you said while biting your lower lip as tears started rolling down on your cheeks. 

“y/n...” his face took a sad expression. 

“no” you lifted your hand stopping him “I don’t wanna hear anything. What you said is really serious Lewis, because now I know that you don’t trust me.” you tried to wipe your tears, but new where constantly falling down. 

“Baby I'm sor--” you cut him off. 

“No Lewis, you don’t get to offend me like that and then say you’re sorry. Fuck your sorry! I need some time off” you finally said while sniffling your nose. 

“What?” Lewis exclaimed in a whisper. 

“I need space Lewis, I'll go to y/f/n’s tonight.” you told him and went to your bathroom to change. 

“y/n, please, don’t leave. I’m really sorry. Jealousy took over me and I know that doesn’t justify what I said to you, but it was in the heat of the moment, none of that meant anything. I didn’t mean anything I said baby. Please baby, don’t go.” you heard him silently crying on the other side of the door. 

Your heart was breaking even more at the sound of his sobs, but you couldn’t let him manipulate you. You couldn’t make him feel as if he had the upper hand. As you exited the bathroom, you paid no attention to him and grabbed your things, trying to make your way to the garage, while Lewis was hot on your heels. 

“y/n please” was the last thing you heard him saying as you started your car engine and left. 

One week had gone by and you were missing Lewis more than anything else. He hadn’t stopped calling you or texting you. He even turned up to your friend’s house, so you decided to go and stay at a hotel instead. You knew that he was worried about you, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him, until... 

You eventually needed to go back to your shared home to grab some of your things. So, you picked a time that you knew he would be gone, more likely during his morning ran, to go and pick up your things. 

However, you were wrong. 

Once you entered your house, you so Lewis sleeping on the couch with plenty of heavy- alcohol bottles scattered all over the place. What made your blood run cold in your veins, though, was that you noticed Lewis’ bear chest not moving.  

Immediately, tears started rolling down on your cheeks and you dropped your keys on the floor as you run up to him, kneeling besides him. 

“Lewis” you exclaimed his name between sobs as you grabbed both his cheeks, feeling how cold his face was. 

The worst thoughts made their way into your mind and you started sobbing uncontrollably while on the same hand, you couldn’t stop muttering out his name. 

“Plea...” your voice got caught in your throat as you begun having a panic attack. 

Lewis was not responding to you; his whole body was cold and you couldn’t feel his pulse as your hands were trembling way too much. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and your vision couldn’t stay focused.  

In your despair, however, you didn’t notice the two strong arms that wrapped themselves around your body as you were kneeled on the floor. 

“y/n...” you heard someone say, but your ears were buzzing too much. 

“Baby... breath, please” you heard his angelic voice in your ear as a soft kiss was placed on top of your head. 

“Lew... Lew” you cried out. 

“it’s me baby, shh, I'm here, everything’s going to be okay” he tightened his grip around you. 

“you’re not... dead” you said between sobs. 

“What?” he exclaimed shocked “of course not baby.” he placed one of his palms on your cheek lifting slowly your head. 

“you’re so cold” you said. 

“I slept with the window open baby.” he smiled down at you as he pointed towards the open window. 

“Really?” you asked in a weak voice. 

“Really baby. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I'm alive, I promise” he chuckled lightly. 

“Fuck you Lewis” you exclaimed in a high-pitched voice and jumped on top of him as you started hitting his chest. 

“Hey hey” you heard him laughing resulting in you starting to laugh too. 

“you’re an asshole Lewis” you said as you leaned down, your face inches away from his. 

“I know” he bit on his bottom lip. 

“But I love you so much” you whispered. 

“I love you too baby... please forgive me” he pleaded. 

“of course” you breathed out with a smile and grabbed both his cheeks with your hands, finally connecting your lips with his. 

[isfjmel-phleg]

Indirectly tagged by @brown-little-robin to make "a playlist to represent your current era." And while "era" seems to me an overly important way to put it for an ordinary person just trying to survive, here's what I've got. You're now in on my angsty music. Sorry. It's been a weird year.

The Show - Lenka

So, life is overwhelming.

Slow it down, make it stop Or else my heart is going to pop 'Cause it's too much, yeah, it's a lot To be something I'm not

Everybody's Changing - Keane

And stuff happens outside your control, and it's not great, and you just have to suffer through it.

So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move just to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same

Pressure - Billy Joel

...and you're on your own with this. It's not something that you can make too public. Still hurts though.

Don't ask for help, you're all alone Pressure You'll have to answer to your own Pressure I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale But here you are in the ninth Two men out and three men on Nowhere to look but inside Where we all respond to Pressure

Surface Pressure - Encanto soundtrack

Can't let the family down.

Give it to your sister and never wonder If the same pressure would've pulled you under Who am I if I don't have what it takes? No cracks, no breaks No mistakes, no pressure

Human - Christina Perri

The emotions are not the socially correct ones and must be suppressed. This is manageable--sometimes the emotions just shut themselves off! you feel nothing! it's fantastic!--but not sustainable long-term.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part If that's what you ask Give you all I am [...]

But I'm only human And I bleed when I fall down I'm only human And I crash and I break down Your words in my head, knives in my heart You build me up and then I fall apart 'Cause I'm only human

Sunday Will Never Be the Same - Spanky & Our Gang

Some changes are good. Some are the worst.

Sunny afternoons that made me feel so warm inside Have turned as cold and gray as ashes As I feel the embers die No longer can I walk these paths, for they have changed I must be home, the sun is gone, and I think it's gonna rain

Love Is Blue - Marty Robbins

This is meant to be a romantic song. I'm not taking it that way.

Blue, blue, my world is blue Blue is my world since I'm without you Gray, gray, my life is gray Cold is my heart since you went away

Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

At the risk of being a cliche...but there's a reason this song took off in popularity. It's A Mood. Everything would be so much easier if you could somehow make people understand where you're coming from.

You don't wanna hurt me But see how deep the bullet lies Unaware I'm tearing you asunder Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts

Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we? You, it's you and me It's you and me won't be unhappy

So Far Away - Carole King

People I love do not live near me. This is normal, but not always easy to handle.

But you're so far away Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore? It would be so fine to see your face at my door Doesn't help to know You're so far away

A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton

Sometimes people are far away and it's easy to feel like they don't care anymore.

It's always times like these when I think of you And wonder if you ever think of me 'Cause everything's so wrong, and I don't belong Living in your precious memory

'Cause I need you And I miss you

Wish That You Were Here - Florence + The Machine

Sometimes the distance isn't just physical.

And I never minded being on my own Then something broke in me and I wanted to go home To be where you are But even closer to you, you seem so very far

The River of Dreams - Billy Joel

I think about this lyric every night while trying to get in the last of my steps :P But seriously, it works in a metaphorical sense too.

I don't know why I go walking at night But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore

Far Away Places - Margaret Whiting

There are moods when you just want to GO, escape, somewhere that's not here. Maybe you finally get the chance. Maybe you don't after all.

I start getting restless whenever I hear the whistle of a train I pray for the day I can get underway And look for those castles in Spain

Anything I'm Not - Lenka

When is the upgrade going to arrive? Because the current model isn't working out for people.

Gimme a break A little escape I am so tired Of being me I wanna be free I wanna be new And different Anything I'm not

I Am Not a Robot - Marina

Cold and heartless and incapable of love (yet somehow also an emotional wreck) but it can be nice to hear that maybe that's not totally true.

You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable You are not a robot You're lovable, so lovable But you're just troubled

One - Sleeping at Last

Look, it's my Enneagram song, coming for my entire existence.

The list goes on forever Of all the ways I could be better, in my mind As if I could earn God's favor, given time Or at least congratulations

Loser Like Me - Sixpence None the Richer

Sometimes people are nicer than they should be, and it's a lot to take in.

You know I need All the love you give A loser like me I just don't know why you would Give it for free When I don't deserve it

Somewhere Only We Know - Lily Allen

It's about the desire to connect, you know?

And if you have a minute, why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So, why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Long Long Journey - Enya

There are bright spots, and for a time the distance doesn't exist anymore.

Long, long journey Out of nowhere, Long, long way to go; But what are sighs And what is sadness To the heart that's coming home?

[dysiver]

DYS DON'T BE SAD YOU WRITE SO WELL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 PERISH THE SELF-DOUBT! YOU'RE AMAZING 😭😭😭😭😭

I'm not sad tbh but I kinda wanna explain myself.

I'm just a tad annoyed that's all, actually I think I'm just upset, but I am mostly annoyed that I take time and effort to try to give y'all what you asked of me which was character bios but when it comes to anything related to Isiah he gets overly criticized or not taken seriously at all. I understand it is due to this character being my vtuber persona, but it gets kinda exhausting because it feels like no matter how much effort I put into his character, nobody really cares so what is the point, y'know?

If this was a character from another show/webnovel/anything else, I doubt he would be receiving such shitty treatment tbh, especially when the story I have written is very self-indulging from what I believe we all like, and this is based on what y'all have told me you enjoy/like and what I personally also enjoy. It has a lot of fucking gay/queer relationships, it has a lot of characters attached to the MC in ways that can be shipped or not, it has borderline super gay relationships that are never truly canon for the sake of drama. It is heavily based on Korean webnovels and the way they do relationships around their MC characters. It is meant to just be FUN, over the top, with angsty scenes for the sadists in the group and character depth for those who need it. Isiah is an OC guys, an original character, he isn't really me. Please, I need y'all to set us apart like other people do with other vtubers and their backstories. The backstory is there for y'all to have fun with it, that's all.

There is a difference between y'all being silly goofballs, and y'all flat-out being cruel to me and nasty. Which is what continues to happen every time I talk about anything related to Isiah. The last time I mentioned Isiah kinda looked like Lucifer due to Lucy possessing his body and shaping it to be his own, all I got was dozens (literally around 30 asks) of fucking asks crying about Lucy being unlucky and ugly or how they hated him now.

When I talked about Noah and how the relationship is between him and Isiah, all I got were asks criticizing Isiah non-stop, even saying that it would be best if he just died and they could be with Noah instead.

That shit isn't funny, it is just cruel. I refuse to reply to asks like these cuz I feel like not replying to them should make people understand that hey, that isn't cool but it keeps happening.

Like, y'all need to understand that Isiah isn't me guys, he's a character like many popular vtubers have and base their lore around but their characters aren't also them, they are just playing a role and trying to make things fun for their audience. Yeah I kept the name Dys to make it EASIER for fucking everyone and cuz y'all wanted me to keep the name and cuz the name Dys means a lot to me, as it was the nickname Somni gave me, which I cherish a LOT, and it means a lot to me.

But at this point, I'm wondering if I should have just swapped everything to just Isiah and dumped Dys in the trash to start completely fresh, something I didn't want to do at all cuz I enjoy being myself with y'all and that's me, Dys, but I don't know if its working with the way everyone behaves towards anything related to my vtuber/vtuber persona.

[killerlookz]

Hi, if you’re not still taking requests, sorry! Ignore this! But if you are I was wondering if you could write a hurt/comfort angsty Dano!riddler fic where the riddler/Edward and the reader get into a big fight and then something happens like the reader leaves and once the riddler calms down he feels terrible ans goes to find her to make up/apologize?? This scenario plagues my minddddd

a/n: hiii!! sorry for taking such a while to get around to this!!! i used essentially? this general premise but changed it just *a little* so, i hope you enjoy!!!

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐆𝐨𝐞𝐬 (Edward Nashton x Gn! Reader)

description: upon finding out edward's true identity as the riddler, reader and edward get into a nasty argument where you end up walking out on him, unable to face that the man you love is simultaneously gotham's current most wanted. outraged and heartbroken, you're dead-set on moving on and never talking to eddie again. but things may have to change when you and edward happen to come into your once-favorite diner at the same time.

content: hurt/angst, break-up, enemies to lovers?, ideations of self-injury (nothing graphic/explicit), mentions of throwing up, pretty severe mental deterioration, comfort, make-up, fluff!

word count: 3485

It had been one week since the worst day of your life.

The worst.

One week since you'd walked out on the man you were certain you were going to marry in a fit of utter despair. You could remember every second of that fateful night as if you were still living in it. Each and every second played on a ceaseless spiral in your brain, over, and over again. Behind your puffy tear-stained eyes lay an incessant, unrelenting memory. You couldn't count the number of times this last week you'd contemplated ramming your head into a wall as hard as you could, as many as you could in hopes to induce some sort of amnesia so you could forget.

Forget everything, forget that night, forget The Riddler, forget Edward, completely.

You needed a new start. But how could you begin a new race when you were already coming in dead last at this one, tripping over your own feet with every inch forward you tried to make, your knees bloodied and ankles swollen.

You couldn't even attempt to move forward with your life, not when you couldn't drag yourself out of the past.

It started like a normal night.

"Normal"

It wasn't really a normal night, but it started way more normal than it ended.

Edward told you he was stuck at work and he'd be home late. But what kind of job keeps you in past midnight? He told you not to wait up for him, and wished you sweet dreams.

You thought he was cheating. And now you wished he had been cheating. It would have been a much easier pill to swallow.

You wrestled with the idea of Edward being unfaithful... deep down you knew Edward would never do such a thing, but why else would he still not be home after 2 a.m?

You heard the door creak open, and shivers ran down your spine at the high-pitched noise. Your head flung around and Edward's eyes went wide. He wasn't expecting you to be up, and he much less wasn't expecting you to be waiting for him in the living room.

"Where have you been Edward?" You got up off the couch, careful not to be too accusatory towards him.

"I-I told you, I was working." He shakes his head, his lip quivering, guilt already plastered all over his poor, sad face.

"Edward, it's 2:40 in the morning." You respond, a little more forceful, a little more accusatory.

"I stopped at the diner, baby. To get something to eat I- it was crowded." His breathing is so rapid you can hear each and every one of his breaths in and out despite being a good distance away from him.

"Eddie..." You started, slowly walking closer to him. You couldn't lie, part of you was absolutely inclined to believe him, but he answered your questions with such little confidence that there had to be something deeper.

The tension in your tiny apartment was paralyzing, so thick that it was suffocating. Despite being physically bigger, Edward looked so small, weak, shaking like a leaf in the apartment's entryway.

He had to be guilty.

"...tell me the truth Eddie- please, are you seeing someone el-" You're cut off by your own involuntary gasping. His face- right across Edward's soft, full cheeks, a dried sanguine streak. Your eyes trail to his arms, an army green jacket draped between the two of them.

Without thinking you're ripping the jacket from his arms, gripping hard at the rough green material as you force it from his grasp.

"Y/n- wait-" He pleads.

You unfold it infront of you and drop it just as fast as you took it when you see the hastily painted questionmark upon it's front breastpocket.

"No..." You shake your head violently, only able to muster up a pathetic whimper in your now swollen throat.

"Y/n-" Edward's eyes are tearing and his hands are placed out in front of him as if trying to gesture you to calm down. "Y/n, please don't cry- I can- please let me explain."

"You?" None of your organs feel like they're in the right place, your stomach is in your throat, your heart is buried way down where your stomach is meant to be, and your ribcage feels like it is inside your lungs. Each breath in brings you unimaginable, excruciating pain. You stare at Edward, unable to move, not even able to blink, your gaze does not move from his anguished eyes.

"Y/n..." Edward starts again.

And then it hits you, it truly hits you.

"It's you!" Suddenly you're wailing, unable to maintain your composure. Your knees give out from underneath you and now you're on the floor with the jacket. You double over, and your forehead rests against the cold wooden paneling on the floor. "GOD NO, NO!" You shriek, "N-NO- NO-NO-NO," you repeat over and over again in an unrelenting lament. You can barely breathe, and each breath that you can muster to get in stings worse than anything you'd ever felt before.

With each choking sob, your shrill voice manages new pitches and volumes you weren't even aware your body could make. For any neighbors listening in it must've sounded like someone was being murdered, and with your newfound discovery, you were surprised that wasn't the case.

You might as well have been murdered though, your heart already ripped clean and beat to a pulp, all that remained was a giant gaping cavity.

The floorboards creek and despite not looking up, you can feel Edward's presence on the ground with you. Slow hands inch towards you as he leans forward to caress your trembling shoulders.

"Baby please don't cry-"

"Don't fucking touch me!" You scream, ripping your head from its position on the ground, whipping your arm forward to swat Edward off you. Now you're looking in his eyes again and it makes you sick how sad he looks, and you're even sicker over how awful you feel for yelling at him. His wet eyes reflect the dim light of the apartment and he looks like a kicked puppy. Not even the realization of the awful atrocities that he's committed could taint his appearance- he looked as sweet as ever.

"I-I did it for you- I did this all for you!" Edward begins to lose it too, his voice cracks as it becomes louder with each word he speaks, tears rapidly running down his cheeks. "I love you- please y/n understand- can't you see how much I love you!"

"You murdered people Edward!"

"I-I-I was only trying to make this city better for you-for us! Please-" He heaves, nearly in a worse state than you. Nearly.

You don't respond, you're in no state to listen to his grotesque justifications. Instead, you only stare at him, desperately looking in his eyes for some glimmer of hope. You wait, anxiously for him to break out in a smile and an awkward laugh, telling you this was all some horrible prank, just some elaborate joke.

But Edward was not the type to play around with you like that. For a few moments, neither of you speak, the only sounds hanging around in the tension-thick air are the lingering wails of both you and your once beloved Eddie.

Finally, the silence is broken.

"Edward-" You shake your head in bewilderment, your voice already nearly nonexistent from your relentless weeping. "I-I'm not going to call the cops- I- I can't I- I can't- I don't want them to hurt you. I- won't tell a soul but... Eddie- Edward- I can't be with you. You're a killer."

You spent the rest of that night locked in your bedroom, packing your things, trying not to throw up, as you screamed and wailed for hours on end. Edward was on the other side of the door, yelling just as loud all night, constant pleas of "Don't leave me, I love you!" traveled through the thin wood of that bedroom door as the incessant pounding of his fist tried to fight its way to the other side.

You left the house once Edward's wailing had stopped, you'd opened the door to find him passed out on the hallway floor. You could barely stand to look at him, now knowing what he had done. Yet still, as you stepped out of the room, you leaned down beside him, praying to every power possible that he wouldn't wake up, and placed a small kiss against his cheek, still salty from the lingering tear stains. It pained you to know that was the last time you'd ever see him, puffy-eyed and passed out on the floor. You whispered a soft goodbye, and that you loved him, and ran out of the house, feeling utterly lost.

You'd been staying with a friend since that morning, having lied and told her that you and Edward were on a break and just "needed some space away from each other". She was surprised, yet happily welcomed you with open arms, telling you that you and Edward had always seemed so happy with each other and that she hoped you'd work out your differences. If only she knew.

You sat the counter of you and Edward's once-favorite diner, staring out at the kitchen in front of you, carefully trying to overload your brain with the intense stimuli of a friday night dinner rush in order to ease your mind off the memory of Eddie.

You felt completely disconnected from reality at that moment, your vision blurred from keeping your eyes open too long, and the rowdy conversations around you blended into one monotonous noise.

"Excuse me? Hello?" A voice says, and you can barely make out a figure in your peripheral. You blink a few times and shake your head, desperately trying to come back in contact with the real world.

"Huh?" You ask the figure back.

"I asked if you're ready to order." Your vision becomes clear again and you're able to see that that figure is actually a waiter.

"Oh!" You say embarrassed of your negligence. "Yeah," You nod.

You order and resume back to zoning out, looking down at your feet and letting your senses once again be overwhelmed by the raucous of the dinner.

Your attention is once again pulled back to reality when you can see from the corner of your eye someone sitting directly to the side of you. You sighed, supposing that you did not account for the lack of seating in the diner when you came in at such a busy hour.

You turned your head to the side, and all of a sudden your stomach was in the wrong place once again. Your eyes blew wide in disbelief, there was no stranger sitting next to you, it was Edward.

All of the emotions you came here to suppress started to fill you up at an alarming rate. Your instincts told you to get up and run, run far away but your body was paralyzed, tied down by the utter weight of your dread. If you even attempted to make an escape your weak trembling legs would give out before your feet even touched the floor, and you'd be left even more helpless.

Edward's head turned around, and now he was facing you too, his expression grew to the same petrified face that you sported. His mouth opened slightly as if to say something, but it quickly closed and he looked away. You turned your head down, trying to ground yourself as you looked back down at your shoes.

You swallowed hard, trying to repel the vile taste of your own stomach acid that burned the back of your throat. Everything stung suddenly, your eyes, your throat, your heart.

You knew that you should leave, but, you didn't want to. Despite everything, despite his actions, despite your own conscience, you wanted to stay. You wanted to stay there in his presence forever, and ever. Your trembling hands and the bile that threatened your esophagus meant nothing to you, you wanted to stay.

You peered up from where you were looking, just trying to get a slight glimpse at Edward. You watched his hands, his long fingers extended from his palms so his hands opened wide, then curled into fists. You suppressed a sob as you watched him continuously repeat the movement, the gentle curling of his fingers reminding you of how those hands once held you, how they dried your eyes when you cried, how they gently intertwined with your own hands when you walked along a busy street. Those hands that had once caressed every inch of your body you were now fighting just to look at.

You looked up a little farther, wanting desperately to see Edward's face again. The face that had plagued your every waking thought for the last week.

He still looked so soft, so sweet, but something had changed. The skin around his deep green eyes was darker than usual, a vague shade of purple had overtook his usual pale complexion. The rest of his face was nearly corpse-like, the pallor of death having overcome his sun-less face. His lips were dried and cracked- you'd never seen him looking quite this sickly. Edward had a habit of not always taking the best care of himself- but this was extreme.

A pang of newfound guilt had just hit you like a truck. You had done this to him. The urge to ask if he was alright overwhelmed you, the words impeding at your vocal cords. But you couldn't do it- you couldn't speak. No. Not to him.

You flinch as he moves suddenly, his head turning to look up at the waiter who's calling for his attention. Quickly, your head is back focusing on your lap.

You can faintly hear his voice as he announces his order to the waiter, the same he'd always ordered when you'd come here together. Memories of late nights spent in this very diner flooded your brain as Edward's hoarse voice reached your ears.

Hearing his voice, which had dwindled down into a raspy croak since the last time you spoke, made part of you want to just reach over and hold him tight, to place a small kiss upon his cracked lips. The other part of you wanted to scream at him, to berate him for ruining both you and what the two of you once had.

The internal conflict followed you throughout the night.

You stared down at the food your waiter had placed down in front of you, the meer smell of it making your mouth slick with saliva, priming your mouth for the disgorgement of what little stomach contents you had left.

You placed your hand over your nose in an attempt to keep your sickness at bay.

The bubbling in your stomach eventually became too much to handle, and you hurriedly dropped yourself from your seat, and quickly made your way to the restroom, trying not to make too much of a scene out of your haste.

You opened the door to the, thankfully, single-person bathroom, and nearly immediately began choking over the toilet as you bring yourself to your knees.

Despite your overwhelming nausea, you couldn't muster anything out besides a small amount of spit. There was nothing you could do to rid yourself of this feeling, no amount of coughing, or choking, or gagging could get anything up, this all-consuming sickness was just destined to stay with you as long as it possibly could.

You sit back on your knees before eventually pushing yourself up against a wall, and hugging your legs close to you. You slam your head in the space between your knees and begin to sob, trying your best to at least relieve the lump in your throat.

You're thankful for the loud diner, so no passerby could hear your sonic release of dispair. Your warm tears penetrated the fabric of your pants, as small water droplets dampened the skin of your legs.

"Why me!" you sobbed into your own skin. Why you?

Your thoughts raced at an unbelievable speed, as you desperately racked your brain for some sort of answer as to why this was happening to you. Why did the love of your life have to turn out to be a violent killer?

You thought and thought and thought as the tears came racing down your cheeks, and your whole body trembled with each strained sob. You thought about Edward's tortured childhood, about Gotham's wealthy, and the men that Edward had killed, Edward's desperate pleas the night you left.

And in a sudden, cathartic moment of clairty.

It hit you.

Your head raised from your lap and for the first time in a week you smiled, a peal of sudden manic laughter falling from your lips as your hands raised up to your cheeks and roughly brushed away your lingering tears.

How could you be so stupid?

Edward wasn't a monster.

He loved you.

You sat up from where you were hunched against the wall, combing a hand through your hair before leaving the bathroom, completely oblivious to your crazed appearance.

As you exited the restroom you could see Edward at the door leaving the diner. You make haste, shuffling across the diner in pursuit of him, pushing past wait staff, and hurrying out the door without paying.

A cool breeze hits your face as you step out onto the street, you turn your head and see Edward walking down the street,

"Eddie!" You yell, desperate for attention. He stops suddenly and turns around, and now the two of you are looking at each others faint appearances in the dim streetlights. You didn't think this far. Your breath wavers as you take in another inhale before yelling again, "I'm really sorry!" You yell again.

Edward says nothing, instead just stares at you, unmoving. You clench your jaw, on the verge of tears once again, and almost like you had no control of your own limbs, your legs are moving below you, and you're running towards Edward.

Before you know it you're flinging your arms around him, burying your head in his chest as your sobs pick back up.

You expect him to shove you off of him, just as you had done that night you left. You expect him to push you away, leaving you to stumble back on the pavement as he walks away, never to be seen again.

But he doesn't, before you know it his arms are around you too, squeezing you in a deathly stronghold. His grasp is comforting, familiar, and all that hatred, all that anger you'd been building towards him is melted away.

"I'm so sorry Edward," You're sobbing into his chest, desperately pleading for him to forgive you for walking out on him.

"Don't- no- don't apologize. No." He's repeating over and over again, more incessant with each of your cries. "No, let me apologize, I have to apologize to you."

You lift your head from Edward's chest and stare up at him, his sad, wet, eyes are no longer a source of pain, but rather once again those of a lover.

"Y/n- I- I just wanted to make this city better- I wanted a change- I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm so sorry for making you cry." He shakes his head, his lip quivering wildly as he lifts a hand to your cheek, gently caressing away your tears. "I came here- I've been coming here every day for the last week, desperate to see you, I've been looking for you. Every day looking for you. Hearing you scream like that- it- it was the worst thing I've ever heard. I needed to say how sorry I was."

Your heart is oddly warmed at his dedication.

"It's okay, it's all okay, I see it now Eddie," You nod, "You're what this city needs."

"You do?" His pretty green eyes light up with a joy that makes your heart skip a beat.

"Yes, my pretty boy, my sweet sweet pretty boy-" You're stammering, overwhelmed by all of your emotions. "I've been so blind."

"Y- you don't hate me?"

"I thought I did." You admitted, "But- I can't- I can't ever hate my Eddie." You shake your head, shutting your eyes tight. "My Eddie" you repeat in a whisper, opening your eyes.

"Are you still mine?"

"Yes. Always." Your head bounces up and down in eager confirmation.

Edward's hand travels to the back of your skull, where he pushes against it lightly, pulling your head down to his chest so he can hold you in a full embrace.

"I love you so much y/n" Edward says, his voice is hoarse and cracked, and despite not seeing his face you can tell he's crying.

"I love you too Eddie."

"Will you please come home then?" He asks hesitantly. You know he's speaking of the physical place, the home that you two have shared, but you can't help but feel like, nestled in his arms, you already are.

"Yes please."

[mywritingonlyfans]

Angst fic with Damiano David

prompt: a angsty about reader being sad (dami bff) 'cause damiano doesn't feel the same way romantically. ps. there's a lot of victoria de angelis being a angel in this fic, and it's basically about reader going through it.

warnings: none? it's just a bit sad and longer than usual.

 All the soft touches still tingled all over your body. His scent was until now stuck to you, you never thought you’d feel happy to have woody essence along with cigarette smoke on you. 

 Folding the sleeve of his sweater, you put your tea in one of the cups you always use when you were there. His cotton piece was comfortable, making you didn't regret wearing it in the morning; it was cold and wearing your tank top from the night before didn't feel right. The shorts from yesterday, that were making your legs freeze were enough trouble for you to handle. The remnants of your clothes and belongings were collected from the floor of his room and placed carefully on his headboard, you made sure you were being quiet. Damiano has always been a heavy sleeper, but your counscious prevented you from risking disturbing him when he looks so peaceful. You had already spent much time at his place so you memorized where every thing in his kitchen - and others rooms - was; baking eggs and making tea wasn’t a mystery for you. You had even separated a Tylenol tablet for Damiano, so he could have it with his tea when he woke up with a wicked hangover. He wasn't the type to get drunk and forget what he did, nor were you. Since when you were teenagers, you have gone out and been drunk together a lot of times, and although your feelings were already present, nothing never happened. This time, however, alcohol helped injecting a dose of courage on him. Being honest with yourself, you didn't remember who started it; but the kiss in the midst of the loud music, his hand on the back of your neck, the exchanging glances while dancing and the moment he took you home, they were pretty vividly in your mind. You still felt relaxed, as if his sweaty body was still over yours. Minutes with your eyes closed was enough to feel his eyes roaming your body all over again.

“Hi,” he said in a slurred voice, cutting off your line of thoughts. You jumped, briefly scared but soon turned your attention to reality; a tired Damiano scratching his eyes in front of you.

He was dressed, wearing sweatpants and sweatshirt, duly comfortable according to the weather. 

 “Headache?” You knew he was. He was always a good drinker, he put up with it a lot, but he was never one to get rid of the effects of alcohol on the next day. You, on the other hand, got on better with this issue; fortunately from the night before, only the good moments remained with you.

“Yeah, a bit,” he giggled. “What a night, I’d say.” He added, in a lower tone. What was acceptable, you also felt a bit weird to be in front of him.

“I got you some pills,” you pointed it out to him on the counter, trying to maintain a normal behavior; with no shacking voice or sweaty hands. Quite impossible. “I made tea too.”

“Dear God, you’re a life saver!” He smiled at you, eyes crinkled and all of his perfect teeth on display. Contagious.

You grinned, feeling your body getting lighter. “No worries. I’m glad to help.”

“Y’know, when I woke up and saw that you weren't there I thought you were gone. You know? Friendship destroyed and that whole thing. I’m happy to see you; relieved.” He took a sip of his tea, and maybe a bit of your heart with it. You were an explosion of feeling when it comes to him, you always have been. “That sweater looks good on you, you can keep it if you want. You know that’s my fave one.” And, yeah, you knew.

The tension on you was no longer intense, comforting you to let out the breath you were holding. “It’s good to hear that,” Your genuine smile managed to say many things, you wished Damiano had noticed you earlier on other occasions. “Do you remember that one time, when we were younger, that you were a bit crazy about a girl; Alice was his name.” You stopped; in need of air - nervous - and watched Dami's attentive face. “She was the first person to whom you dedicated a song, you played it to her at school break. The cutest thing I had ever seen. I think it was there that I realized, a little jealous—“

“Y/N,” his voice had been almost inaudible, causing no effect. Had he really tried?

“How in love I was with you.”

His face was paler than usual, he was paralyzed; speechless. You had never seen Damiano like this, the men was always all over the place in a sweet talkative mess.

It took a few minutes for you to be able to read his expressions and realize how fucked up you were. The dose of happiness in your blood had been able to manipulate you to believe in what you most wanted to happen.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” your blood had gone up to your ears, all you could pay attention to was the pressure in your head. How had you thought that after one specific night he would suddenly decide that he was in love with you? After all of this time that you were just a good friend for him? “I’m truly sorry but I’m don’t—“

“Feel the same way?” You finished. He nodded, apprehensively. You have never felt so stupid. It was a mixture of shame, fear and insecurity. You were unable to look directly at him, you knew that there was no change in following a friendship after what you just said, much less after the night before. You had never been so screwed.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing, I shouldn’t have said a thing.” You whispered, realizing that the lump in your throat had turned into tears that you didn't even know were running down your face.

“Come here,” he opened his arms, walking towards your emotionless frame. You allowed yourself to melt in his grip. 

 Your tears fell freely; you could even try to hold it back but there was no strength left for you to think about it. Your crying was silent, as was the kitchen room. Your head was full of questions and cursing at yourself. Suddenly you wished Damiano had yelled at you, asked you to get out of there or said he wouldn't never speak to you again. It seemed easier to deal with it in this alternative way than to have him comforting you for loving him. “Shh, it’ll alright. I could never be mad at you.”

He talked about your friendship, but you knew that nothing would end up well. Maybe for him. But for you? It’d not be that easy. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have known better, you were so loving with me last night that I thought— Fuck, we slept together. Which I know isn’t your fault because I don’t even remember who—“

“Stop, Y/N. Look at me,” He was being careful. You were making a person like Damiano calculate his words, that made you feel like pure shit. You stopped talking, looking at him was still difficult. He understood that you wouldn’t be doing so. “That’s fine. I don’t feel bad about you liking me in that way, you’re wonderful. I don't regret anything, last night was great, but I just... don't feel the same. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I can't even imagine how hard it’s being for you right now.” His words sounded sweet and sincere. He had tears in his eyes as well. His ability to be so empathetic to everyone was something you loved the most about him. He was probably killing himself on the inside for breaking you.

You nodded, leaning on the counter. You wanted to ask him if he remembered that he was your first kiss at the age of seven or all the times he sent you vinyl records with some message - that he had written himself - inside the cover. How did he not feel the same, shouldn't you be everything he wanted?

“Dami?” You sighed. Your eyes were red, your face probably swollen. You then looked straight at him; that surprisingly wasn’t much better than you. “Have you ever looked at me and seen me in another way? Something more than just your best friend?”

He didn’t say a thing, just look at you standing there. You get it.

“I think I should go,” You broke the silence that had been formed. You thought about taking his sweater off, but since you weren't wearing anything underneath, you thought it was better not; you’d have to go to his room to change, and then pick up your things only to delay your leaving.

“I can drive you home,” he said in a hush, looking for his car keys.

“It’s okay, a walk will be fine.”

“It’s fucking freezing outside, I can't let you walk over there like that.”

You ignored what he said, walking around the house to the front exit. He tried to grab your arm just for you to step back.

“I know you're just trying to help, but I need to be alone right now, without you near me.” You tried to say it in the most normal way possible, you didn't want to be mean, you only wanted to be fair to yourself.

“Sure.” It was the last thing you heard him say before you left, feeling the cold wind on your body. You didn't know if he had entered his house again or if he was watching you hug yourself as walking slowly to somewhere. You wouldn't dare to look back.

--------------------------------------------------------

“C’mon girl, get up here,” Upon hearing the husky, strong voice, you were relieved. 

 Victoria wasn’t wearing her usual jewelry and looked like she had just been woken up by force. You weren’t as close to her as you were with the other boys, however, you had never been so happy to see her.

You got in her car. “Thank you,”

“God, you look terrible. You’re fine?” You looked at your reflection in the rearview mirror and well, fine was definitely something you didn't look like.

“Dami asked you to come and get me?” Your throat was scratching, it was difficult to speak.

“Yeah,” she looked at you quickly, but due to your discomfort she backed off. More tears would come. “He didn't say why though, he just said he needed someone to come to you before you froze to death.” She said it in a way that made you laugh, even with your eyes filled with tears. “Did the two of you have a disagreement? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to.”

“Something similar.” You said shakily; due to your crying and chilly. Inside the car was heated, but your body was so cold that it didn't seem to be enough. You tried to snuggle in the passenger seat, letting your head rest against the window like in a sad film. Maybe that’d help.

“Here,” she handed you a coat, without hesitation you took it. “I brought it to you in case you needed it.”

You nodded slowly. “Thank you, Victoria,”

“You can call me Vic, just like everyone else,” she laughed.

You gave her a half smile. “Okay then, thank you very much, Vic,”

The rest of the day would be crying while you curled up in your bed, you’d let yourself feel at your worst; promising that you would try and change that the next day.

———----------------------------------------------

You expected the first few days to be the hardest, but it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Damiano had tried to call you a few times and in all of them you responded dryly, using short words, pretending it’d be okay. You truly tried, but you needed time to process what happened. You told him that, and then time he gave you.

After completing a month of the incident, you noticed how 'dependent' you had become on him. He was always around since you were kids, any problem you had you would look for him to talk to, now you felt like you had nothing. Your friends were friends of his, too, more of his friends than yours. You missed having Thomas failing on teaching you how to play guitar on your couch and besides you thought about calling him - just to distract yourself - you remembered that he was more a friend of Damiano than yours. It’d be weird. None of them contacted you at that time, not even Thomas. You couldn't figure it out if Dami had told them what happened and they decided to give you space or if they just didn't care about you when you wasn’t around Damiano.

Basically, where Dami was you would be and vice versa. It had always been like that.

When you saw that just time wasn’t solving anything, you programmed yourself to live in a way that you were busy all the time. Your routine became work, home and most of the time taking the work to be done also in your home. You didn't feel energized to make new friends, and going out on dates could help momentarily but it wouldn't be fair to go out with someone in the ‘mood’ you were in; then these ideas were soon discarded. Sleeping was impossible, you spent hours rolling over in bed; both for the flashbacks that plagued your mind, but also for the fact that you missed him. The nights were worse when you visit your mother or when she called and said, "Dami never came to see me again." or something like. “Are you still talking to each other? We don't let someone like Damiano leave our lives.”

Deep down, you knew there was no way you could be in love with him forever and that no matter how much it hurt at that moment it would pass. You started to repeat it to yourself as much as you could, so when the boys got in touch with you again you didn't hesitate to answer. Nothing bad would happen, you just need to pretend to be fine. The first to send you a message was Thomas, with simple questions, he acted like nothing had happened, you liked it. Even though it was obvious that Thomas, as one of his boys, would know this in more detail than you did (which was a lie, but at least he knew how Damiano was feeling about it, which you wouldn't know). He updated you about Dami, who was great as always, and you said you were doing well when he asked. You answering him made Ethan talk to you too, although they were all polite and delicate, they seemed more to be sorry than to miss you. Pity wasn’t something you were expecting.

After five months, you still felt like crap. You had tried to stop counting the days that had passed since you last saw Damiano, but it was almost impossible. You could still remember that night vividly, but you were still trying your best to move on; leave it behind. Mysteriously, you wanted to see him, see how he was doing and find out if he had anything else to say but you were afraid to see him, go back to your place as his best friend just to realize that your feelings for him had not abated at all.

“...I haven't seen you in a while. I wonder if you're alright,” you heard when answering your phone. Your head hurt, your eyes stung. You had slept on spreadsheets that you brought home from your work.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Shit,” she murmured.

You looked at the phone screen. “Sorry Vic, I just woke up I'm still trying to copy.” You laughed to calm her down.

“I thought I didn't have my number,” her voice became softer, as if she was relieved that you had saved it. “I didn't want to wake you up, I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to know how you‘re doing, since I used to see you almost every day, y’know?”

You thought about saying that you saved her number the day Dami called to pick him up at a bar since his phone battery was dead and he was in no condition to drive, but Victoria clearly knew that. “Is Dami with you?”

“No,” her tone matched yours; Dami had told her, now she was being careful with her words. “I saved your number the day Dami needed to call you, in case I needed to call you again.”

“That’s alright, thanks for checking on me then.”

“But he would love to talk to you. He always asks the boys about you or comments on you so that someone can bring you up to the convo. He seems a bit lost when you not ‘round to be honest.”

Somehow hearing that made you happy. Still, the image of discomfort whenever you thought of talking to him scared you. The phone line was filled with silence, until Victoria's husky voice filled the line.

“Anyway, I didn't call you to talk about Damiano. We finally finished the album and decided to have a small celebration at my house,” you giggle at the formality. “We thought you should go, since you were present in more than half of the process. I‘d like you to come. We’d all like you to come.”

———

Your heart accelerated with each step you took as you entered Victoria's house. The rooms had a glow of being calm and the music that was playing helped to make the place cozy. The instrumental of the band reminded you of Fleetwood Mac, and for the little that you knew Vic you would say that the type of sound reminded you of her. 

 Her house wasn’t crowded, there were only a few people around; some you’ve seen before, some you haven’t. You thundered your fingers over some vinyl that were arranged in a corner, pretending to read them. You were looking for familiar faces, honestly even for Damiano, but for some unknown reason you didn't want to make that obvious. Your eyes captured Thomas talking to some girls, and soon you felt relieved to be dressed according to the occasion; or at least according to the girls who were close to Thomas. It didn't take long until he noticed you standing there, you waved and he came to you. He looked surprised, still he didn't wait for you to say anything else, just wrapped you in his arms so tight you had to ask him to let go in between muffled laughter.

“Vic working miracles! Come, I'll take you to the others.” He said in his cute form, holding your hand as guiding you through the house. “So, how's our best girl?”

Your lips parted in a smile. “I’m alright, pretty much the same to be honest,” there was no time for him to ask another question because you soon spotted Ethan and Victoria with their beers in hands. They seemed to be shocked to see you as well; and it was starting to irritate you for reasons you couldn't explain. Thomas put you behind him, hiding you from the two of them as if they hadn't seen you already. He was being such a sweetheart that he had even managed to soften the anxious butterflies in your stomach; but not enough to keep your mind free of worries and Damiano David. Thomas made a funny noise with his hands as Ethan ignored his attempt to be amusing, pulling you into a hug. Who would have thought you would have missed them so much.

“How long without seeing you, I force you not to do that again. Without you we are just another disorganized mess.” You laughed at his nonsense. Your smile was sincere, like it hadn't been for months, still you were forcing yourself a bit more to appear to be actually 'fine'. You’d like to know if they noticed, even though you were appreciating that they didn’t.

“No worries, I‘m not planning on leaving you guys alone.”

 Ethan and Thomas started to discuss about something, Ethan was already under the effect of alcohol, and from time to time they asked for your opinion on how Victoria had been strangely quiet. Atypical of her, but she didn't seem to be out of place or uncomfortable, just quiet.

“Did a cat eat the tongue of my newest attractive friend?”

“Not this time,” she showed you her tongue, and then smirked. Her eyes shone in differently way under your gaze and her make up was making her look more mature. “Are you feelin’ good? Thank you for coming.” Victoria was happy to see you, you could feel that. She might be curious, but pity wasn’t something possible to see in her; different from the other boys. “You must be tired of hearing that question, I'm sorry. It‘ll no longer be asked.”

Her voice was soft, comfortable to hear. “I appreciate that. I really have heard a lot of that, but despite everything, I feel good ‘bout bein’ here.”

“I feel even happier that you came then,” she put her hand gently on your waist. The other two didn't even remember you and Vic were there. “Let's get you something to drink, we bought that red drink Damiano always says you love.”

“No way, it’s bishop cocktail?” You looked at her, a big grin on your face, even though you remembered that this was the drink you were drinking when the universe decided it would be a good idea for you and Dami to have a one-night stand. Just a lovely reminder. “Have you mixed everything up? like the rum with the red wine? or with red drink you just want to say you bought wine?” You asked, ignoring your internal conflicts. Everything would be fine, you ket repeating to yourself.

“In fact, I remember once hearing you comment you didn't mind it being mixed up in a random bottle.”

She pulled a glass bottle out of a bucket full of ice and you couldn't believe she remembered that; given that you could count on your fingers the times that you had actually spoken to her. You didn’t avoid each other, just didn’t have much of the opportunities.

“Oh my god, that’s so fuckin’ lovely.” You whispered. She was quick to pick up a glass and hand it to you, filling it with the so well remembered liquid. You took a sip, and the taste - or alcohol - made your butterflies calmer. “Thanks for that, tastes like heaven.” She took a glass for herself, by her expression she thought it was a waste of rum. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.”

“If you think so, who am I to deny.”

“Don’t be a bummer,” you bumped your shoulder with hers, eliciting a cute sound from her that made you laugh as well.

You wish that sensation had lasted longer, even so when a random girl approached you to ask something, you felt heavy; like a sign. Her hair was golden in perfect waves and her face was angelic in an almost divine way. You might have been overreacting, but she was the type to catch all the attention to herself.

“You’re Y/N, right? I was startin’ to think that I’d never get to know you.” She hugged you tight and you wondered if she really didn't know you. When she released you, you felt your heart breaking right there in front of her. She was wearing Dami's sweater; the same one from that night, the same one that you wore. You wanted to be wrong, but you’d know that sweater from a distance even after years. “He talks so much about you. Can you believe we never met?” She asked, alternating her gaze between you and Victoria. She had been silent, you had forgotten that she was still there. Your head was miles away in thoughts, making you dizzy.

“Hi, Bella,” Victoria said. You remembered that name. Damiano talked about her on a few occasions, anyways he didn't seem to be in love - or you just didn’t want to see that. Maybe you haven’t been able to read him due to your stupid passion. “How’s everything?”

She started talking to Victoria and you couldn't concentrate on listening; all the alcohol in the world would not ease what you were feeling. How long have they been together? What was so special about her that Damiano gives her his favorite sweater? Were they together when you slept together? How did she end up with the same sweater you slept in that day?

She held the cup that was in your hands and handed it to Victoria. “Are you okay, hon’? You look a lil’ unwell. Do you want me to get you some water?”

“No need, I’m alright,” she patted your arm, and then checked your temperature. She was being nice, yet you couldn't pretend to be interested in being there anymore.

Thankfully, Victoria put an arm around your shoulders, asking if you want to join her to have a smoke. “It’ll be good, fresh air will do good to you.”

You agreed. Bella was worried and you felt bad about having to run away from her. She looked like an incredible person, sure Damiano was lucky to have her, that was just too much for you.

“Do this, you will feel better. We can talk later and so you can tell me everything about you and Dami, I’d love to hear you, since you’ve known each other for so long.” You looked for some irony in her voice, but you didn't found it. She was interested in you; after all, you were her boyfriend's best friend. It made sense.

Victoria guided you to the balcony, or at least halfway to it. Midway, someone stopped to talk to her, she tried to dismiss the person, however, as it was a thing related to the album, she would have no way out. “Victoria, it’s fine, I need some time alone.” You whispered to her, patting on her arm. She looked at you reluctantly, but understand. There wouldn't be much she could do for you.

Entering the balcony you felt an absurd urge to cry, your eyes itched and your legs were trembling. Was being in love meant to hurt this much, or was it just a game of chance?

You tried to take a deep breath, ease your heartbeats, telling yourself it was okay. You just needed to calm down. You leaned your body against the wall and watched the place. The plants near the fence - which you didn't know how Victoria had time to take care of them - the streets, and then the sky. Starry and moist, made for good memories that wouldn't come to you. When you felt ready enough to go out and face the party again, you ran into the one you were trying to avoid, Dami. Minutes ago you were anxious with the possibility to see him to know how he was, now you just wanted to run away and wipe these last months out of your mind.

“Y/N,” his body collided with yours while his arms wrapped around you, it was supposed to be a good thing, that you‘d feel safe as the same way you used to feel, except that was uncomfortable now. You couldn't even respond to his hug, for a second you thought you would escape without having to see him. He noticed and gave you space. “I swore that you wouldn't come. My god, it's so good to see you.” He ran his hands through his hair and you remained paralyzed in front of him.

You tried to focus on your breathing so that your voice came out without too many complications. “Yeah... It's good to see you, you look great.” It didn't work, your voice was shaky making your lie sound even worse. He looks great, you didn't lie, he seemed even happier and well rested. You wondered if it was because the album was ready or because now he had Bella.

You forced a smile, but unlike the others, Damiano knew you were acting. He didn’t judge or question, his face became tense, apprehensive. He knew that nothing was right.

“I thought about callin’ you more, goin’ to see you or something. The boys convinced me that it‘d be better not, that it could be even hard for you. I wonder if I shouldn't have done something different to help you because I know I fucked up too.” His hands were undecided between running through his hair and staying inside his pockets. He was nervous, at the same relieved to have spoken to you.

“It wasn't your fault, I’d never blame you for that,” you sighed, smiling slightly. It felt terrible to make him feel that way about it, but there wasn't much you could do. “I'm glad you gave me space when I asked, it's still hard to see you or think about talkin’ to you. It is as if everything that is tormenting me comes all at once.” It was good to say that to him. He nodded and you looked at each other for a while. It wasn't as uncomfortable as you thought it would be.

He was a few feet away from you while you were admiring the night, with your back against the wall. You wanted to leave, maybe go cry in your bed until you fell asleep, still you wanted things to work out with Dami, you wanted that tension and fear of seeing him to get out of your head. Despite that, if it was necessary to suffer in that process, it would not be worth it.

“She’s amazing,” it hurt to say that, but it was the truth. “Bella’s amazing, lucky girl.” You smiled sadly. Saying her name and seeing Dami smiling at that made you thank God for not seeing the two of them together, hugging or kissing. He‘d probably put his hand on her waist while she was talking to one of his friends or giving lightly kisses to her temple, just because he felt like it. Damiano was the cute type, you've seen it before.

“She is, an amazing person. She was all happy to have spoken to you. I told her all about our teenage years and how you always supported the band,” He had told her about you, would he have told her about you being in love with him? You thought to ask, soon giving up. It’d be shameful if so. “If I knew you would be here I’d not have come with her.” It made you think that he had told her.

“What would you do? Would you hide me from her for the rest of your life?” You sighed. it was supposed to sound like a joke, regrettably your voice sounded too cruel for that.

“It’s not like that,” he mumbled. “I was just tryin’ to think of you and—“

“I think I need to go Dami, it’s being too much. I’m sorry.” You needed to get out of there, you couldn't stop the tears anymore and you knew it was a bad idea to talk about her with him.

You took a few steps back just for Damiano to grab at your arm, without putting strength, just like a few months ago, to stop you in front of him. You turned your face away from looking at his eyes, feeling as the tears run down your cheek. You'd never be able to face him, this situation was only proving that to you even more.

“Please, Y/N. Just tell me what I need to do. I will do anything for you to talk to me again. I need you, you know that. The past few weeks have been a mess without you around. Even little my mom misses you. I’d do anything to have you back like before.” He was about to cry, his eyes shone with tears and it was painful to watch. He could do anything for you to stay; except what would make you stay. Unfortunately, it didn't depend only on his good will.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” you said in a lack of air, signaling the space around you with your finger. “But this, this is too much. It kills me to have to be close to you or to be close to things or people that remind me of you, seeing someone else with you doesn't help at all. I still think about the fact that we slept together... I can’t just forget it ‘cause it meant so much to me and to you, to you? it was nothing.” You were out of breath, you just wanted to cry in peace, put everything out until there was nothing left. 

 He released his hands of you, his face red and damp. It wasn't going to be easy for either of you. Time wouldn't matter; it wouldn’t change a thing because whenever you looked at him you’d wonder about how things could have been like if he had chosen you.

He whispered one more time that he was sorry, then let you go. He could have stopped you, but it's not like he knew what to do anymore. 

He watched as you walk out without even looking back.

——-

You went through the party walking fast, avoiding acquaintances and questions about why you were like that. Your body was heavy as well as your conscience. Outside the house the street was empty, the streetlights illuminated the sidewalk and along with the silence of the street you felt invited to sit there. You brought your knees close to your body, trying to breathe calmly. Pulling the air in, and then releasing it in a normal way. Your heart was beating so fast that your whole body was agitated. You tried to stay still. You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling a little dizzy when you saw someone walk out the front door of the house. You dropped your knees, trying to look decent, but gave up as soon as the person came closer to you and you saw that it was Victoria. She sat next to you, pulling you into a hug. You were happy that she went to you.

“I’m fine,” you murmured, hugging her waist and hiding your face in the fabric of her shirt.

“Stop saying that you’re fine when you’re far from being fine, I won’t judge you sweetheart,” she comforted you, giving you a extra squeezing. You were far from being alright, but it helped, having someone there helped.

She placed her chin on top of your head, soothing you until your crying softened. She rubbed your back and whispered that it’d be okay.

“Did Damiano send you here?”

“No, darlin’. He said that you had talked, and then you had to leave, he didn't look well, I thought you wouldn't be either.”

“And then you decided to look out for me?” You laughed, still tucked in her warm arms.

“Yep, sounds like you need me, don’t you think?” She laughed too, causing the vibration of her chest next to yours make you feel taken in.

“Why’s love so painful?”

Victoria didn't answer, she was thoughtful for a few minutes, and then she stood up, holding out her hand for you.

“What?”

“I won’t be taking no as an answer, you’ll get in the car with me and we will do something, anything, drink milk shakes, fill up our bellies with pizza ‘til we can't take it anymore, or even rob a bank.” She held you by the waist, lifting you up for her. “Please,”

You didn't see why not to accept. There was nothing worse that could get even worse at the moment, maybe going somewhere would do you good. “Even rob a bank?” She nodded, pointing to where her car was.

A smile spreading across her lovely face as you realized you’d go anywhere she wanted with her. “Yes, even robbing a bank.”

[geekwritersworld]

hi, el! i hope you're doing good (well, if not, it's okay. we all have awful days. it's totally okay to cry and rest for a while!) im just here to request a tom hiddleston fic where y/n is a celebrity (feel free to choose! model, actress, singer, anything.) that is kind of spoiled, what she wants is what she gets. not until she met tom who somehow helped her on how to budget stuff. then, the media spread nasty rumours about them and y/n's parents don't like their relationship. they tried to fight for their love, and then all so suddenly they started to doubt each other and let what the media say to their head and they decided to break things off. 3 years later, they saw each other at a gala or something, they started to reminisce with each other and think about what could have been if they continued to fight for their love, but nonetheless, they're still happy for each other. and an extra is someone took a photo of them. y/n is looking at tom while touching her purse looking happy and tom is also looking at y/n, both having familiarity and softness in their eyes. thank you! (and of course, it's okay if you won't write this! )

Hoax

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x actress!reader

Warnings: Long, kind of angsty but not much, 

A/N:I kinda base her personality off of Lexie brooks from the middle*Also Anon I apologize for taking so long in putting this fic out.

As always, feedback is always welcome, please comment and let me know what you thought. Thank you for reading❤❤

It had always gone her way. She had enough money to buy her way through things. What she wanted she got.

And no one really stopped her. Why would they when she spoiled them too?

However though she may have always gotten what she wanted, but she’d also always managed to remain kind. People found it bewildering when they’d see the way she’d get always get what she wanted but at the same time she was sweet and patient.

It was undoubtedly something she’d learned from anywhere but her parents, to always remain kind, despite your circumstances.

Y/n always felt the pressure of the outside world that seemed to be watching her every move. She found herself over the years to be spending a lot more time at home rather than out, which was odd since she’d been quite extroverted. she became extremely picky over the numerous invites she’d receive to numerous events. Preferring to keep her circle small, since it was easier to keep the relationships real, Y/n didn’t socialize over a certain point.

It was often assumed that as an actress Y/n would have quickly adjusted to the flashed of the cameras that were shoved in her face whilst judgement and rude comments were thrown her way. But even 9+ years of acting  could never help her get used to the crude comments and stalkers. She did quickly learn that it was something you ground your teeth and tightened your jaw and got through.

It was at an award show that y/n met him. She’d been sitting at the bar, during the afterparty. Stirring her drink for 10 minutes, she placed her elbow on the bar top and her chin in her palm; avoiding touching her face as much as she could.

The loud chatter behind her only got louder as the soft music, Ludovico Einaudi if she wasn’t mistaken, began to play. The night had exhausted her, the conversations with numerous fellow actors and actresses and the long conversation with her good friend and co-star Daneel Ackles. Y/n stifled her yawn, however uncomfortable that was and sat up straight, hoping no one noticed her slouch.

“Would you mind terribly if I joined you Miss Y/L/N?” The voice didn’t sound familiar at first.

Swiftly turning her head towards the voice while being mindful of her hair so as not to mess it up since she didn’t need anymore humiliating pictures of herself online, she smiled and nodded upon finally recognizing the gentleman before her.

“Oh I really wouldn’t” she smiled kindly.

“thank you” he slipped off his jacket and set it on his chair, before sitting down and ordering his drink.

“Have you enjoyed this lovely evening?” Tom asked her as he sipped on his drink.

“I did, did you?” she smiled” oh and its Y/n by the way”

“Oh I know, I’ve seen your movies, you’re brilliant honestly, I mean it really is no surprise you win majority of the times you’re nominated”

If it wasn’t for his mentioning of it, Y/n was sure she would’ve forgotten her award on the bar top and not realized it till she was home. It wasn’t because she didn’t care, she did, but she was far to exhausted mentally and physically to fathom her win.

It started off as occasional meetings from then on. Tom would every now and then invite her to the theatre where he would frequently be apart of Shakespeare plays and she would often invite Tommy to the numerous promotional events held for the TV show she was in. 

Then they started inviting each other to their homes, talking walks together, Y/n even occasionally babysat Bobby when Tom would be busy or away.

“What are you buying that antique table for?” he plopped down on the couch next to Y/n , who was lost in the online world of antique stores.

“Because I just want to Thomas” Y/n sighed as she got up to grab her wallet.

“But darling do you need it?”

“No Tom, I want it” she smiled while typing away the credentials online.

Tom had soon learned, few months into their friendship that his best friend seemed a little to used to getting whatever she wanted, he didn’t particularly have an issue, however he just didn’t understand buying excessive things.

“alright” he picked up the remote and switched through the channels.

It was a regular occurrence for Y/n to get things she didn’t need. It was a habit she didn’t know how to break. 

“What do you think?” Y/n turned the laptop towards Tom, who raised his brows.

“I think you don’t need the table darling. It really isn’t a requirement” He softly said.

“Jesus fine” she sighed rolling her eyes. Her friend’s persistence that she didn’t need another antique table wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t used to anyone telling her she didn’t need to buy something because she didn’t need it.

She clicked and typed away. And one phone call later she turned to Tom who finally found something he wanted watch on TV.

“There, cancelled my order. Are you happy now Mr. You don't need it” she rolled her eyes and smiled slightly. 

Y/n remembered the day by lake like it was seconds ago.

They’d decided to go on a drive since both of them had the day off and wanted to step out for a bit. With the sun bright and the air warm, the lake was the prefect idea. It would be quiet and serene, just what both Tom and Y/n would certainly cherish after their exhausting week working.

The grass was damp and cool under her toes,the smell of the lake wafting through the air as the sounds of water trickling tickled their ears. With her shoes in her hand; Y/n trailed behind Tom towards the lake.

The trees stood tall as they walked past them hands interwind, Y/n held Toms hand to keep from stumbling. Tom held Bobby’s leash with his other hand, as his dog trotted in front of him.

They’d found a dry spot to sit, with their knees close to their chests, Y/n put her shoes down, while Tom looked up at the sky and Bobby sat down in between Tom and Y/n with his paw resting on Y/n’s foot.

They weren’t sure when they’d begun talking, but their conversation drifted with Tom speaking of his childhood memories of getting lost in the forest as a child, and Y/n’s eyes brightening and her laughter echoing in Tom’s ear. Y/n told him stories about her childhood, things she’d never disclosed to anyone before.

They’d laughed till the sun went down a little and it reminded Y/n of something.

She decided maybe she could tell him. She hadn’t shown anyone this before. It was her little secret and they weren’t very far from it anyway.

“Come on” She got up and dusted the back of her dress, whilst pulling Tom up and grabbing her shoes.

“what ? where?” Tom dusted his pants as well, placing Bobby back on his leash he followed Y/n, with a confused expression.

“I’ll show you in a minute” she chuckled at his confusion and impatience.

“oh dear” he mumbled

“what?”

“I’m being led somewhere in the middle of the forest, and you won’t tell me where, Darling I have to admit, it doesn’t sound like it’s going to end very well” Tom joked

“Tom I’m 5′5 and you’re 6′4, I couldn’t murder you even if I wanted to, plus Bobby needs his father” Y/n rolled her eyes.

Tom’s chuckle almost made her stop in her tracks, he sounded beautiful. Her chest ached, and she decided to keep moving, not wanting to think about it any further.

“Alright I see cabins”

“Remember how I always go away every few months and I don’t tell anyone where?” she breathed out  “this is where I come”

“Hold on, you come to a cabin? I thought you flew out somewhere” he laughed out, his blue eyes shining.

“Nope, no flying anywhere” She pulled him by his hands towards one of the cabins. There were 4 cabins next to each other, she headed to the the second last one. Climbing the short steps and opening her purse she pulled out her key, while Tom looked around. Taking in the view. It seemed as though only 2 of the other cabins were in use.

Pushing the wooded door, Tom and Y/n stepped in, Tom noticed there were stairs leading to another level. A brown leather couch and fireplace fell under his gaze while he walked in further, not missing the way the entire cabin was furnished.

“So you....rent the cabin out every month?” Tom said slowly following y/n into the kitchen.

“oh I didn’t rent it, I bought it” she smiled, knowing he would’ve said something about it being unnecessary. But he didn’t. Instead he walked towards the large the glass window in the living room and looked out.

“It’s raining, you think we can spend the night here and leave when it stops raining?” he asked her.

“yeah of course, there's food and everything here”

“Bobby” Tommy called out to his spaniel, who poked his furry head from behind the couch.

“I know you’re afraid of the rain buddy” Tom kneeled down and picked his dog up and held him in his arms and slowly sat on the couch. Bobby adjusted himself on the couch and curled up next to his father.

“It looks quite beautiful doesn’t it?” Tom whispered to Y/n when she sat down next to him with a cup of hot chocolate for both of them.

“It really is”

They conversed while the rain poured harder. Tom noticed the way they were both sitting so close, and he almost shifted away a little. But he didn’t want to. He kept glancing at her lips as she talked about her upcoming panel with the rest of her co-stars.

“Jensen didn’t know about i-”she stopped talking when she noticed Tom’s flickering towards her lips every now and then. He didn’t want to wait any longer, nothing good came out of waiting too long and he’d waited too long anyway.

They leaned in, the cold air turned warm, his lips molded with her perfectly, she slipped her fingers to the back of Tom’s head and let his hair slide between her fingers as he held her face with his hands. His warm palms made her feel dizzier than she already felt. 

That was 9 months ago. 9 months ago when she knew what she wanted and she knew she wanted him. But she didn’t just want him, she needed him. He made her so much better as a person. And he wanted her. He needed her.

It seemed so clear then, yet here she was 9 months later wondering if she and Tom were making the right decision.

She’d realized, unsurprisingly that though her relationship with Tom was filled with bliss and love, it was undoubtedly difficult considering not only was the media unforgivingly ruthless in trying to get any insight into their relationship, but they did so by spreading the nastiest possible rumors aimed at Y/n.

She handled it initially, but as the weeks progressed, it became increasingly harder having to live with the constant anxiety that anything she did could be twisted into some sort of inane rumor.

It started to seem as though she and Tom were the only people who supported their own relationship; her own parents, disliked Tom. They didn’t like that he had helped their daughter grow into a more giving person. Y/n’s parents felt as though Tom made their daughter into someone they did not raise her to be. They did not like that she was growing in ways where they (her parents) were not involved.

The days when Tom and Y/n would decide to meet made Y/n feel a sense of dread. She loved him undoubtedly, but she also couldn’t help being torn between her lover and her parents happiness.

Tom started to feel the weight of the media’s pressure a little later on. But he felt it nonetheless. 

He constantly worried that the pressure was taking a toll on his girlfriend. He could see it, even if she refused to say it; he saw it in her sudden irregular sleep schedule. He saw the stress of their relationship in the dark circles under her eyes, the excessive coffee cups and the slowly dimming eyes. It was obvious in the way she began to drag herself in the mornings to set when usually she’d look forward to filming the next day.

Completely aware of his girlfriend’s parents view of him as well, Tom realized he had to speak to Y/n. He couldn’t let their relationship affect her mental health any longer than it already had.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Y/n put down her phone as she grasped her cup of coffee.

She’d be seeing Tom today, the dread that spread through her chest could not be helped. Y/n loved him beyond words, but holding Tom back in a place that wasn’t good for him, wasn’t fair to him in any aspect; she thought.

When Tom stepped foot into y/n’s home, he felt his hand feel clampy. Letting Bobby of the leash; Tom walked into the kitchen and kissed Y/n on the forehead and let his lips linger against her forehead for a second before stepping back and looking at her.

He almost backed out-from bringing up a conversation he knew was going to hurt both of them.

But he blurted it out in the next few seconds, and they sat at the marbled counter, elbows grazing each others while the darkness spilled into the day outside their window. 

Dread built up in Y/n chest as the seconds slipped away. It was the unspoken Tom and Y/n had let sink in better than the spoken. There was only one way that this day ended, and both of them knew that. The conversation was only to delay the hurt that would inevitably come.

“I love you Darling, and I truly hope you understand that I adore you-tremendously” gazing into his girlfriends tearful eyes, his throat felt like it was closing in.

“I know” whispering those two simple yet heavy words Y/n stood up and hugged him. She didn’t know how she’d proceed in the following days without him. She couldn’t just forget someone who’d taught her so much. He held her tightly, a part of him hoping maybe if he just held her and didn’t let go it would be enough to make everything  work out.

But it wasn’t. And he knew it. They knew it. They knew that they’re months of bliss were over, it didn’t matter how in love they were, or how much their hearts broke. Y/n would have to go to set the next day and push herself through filming the next day even though her chest would be hollow. Tom would go to the theater the next day and force himself through his Shakespeare plays and glance around the audience every now and then even though he knew she wouldn’t be there.

Y/n’s urge grew stronger the closer Tom got to the front door; to pull him back and stop him. the tears spilled heavily as her hands grew cold and each footstep felt like pinpricks. How was she to know? that love hurt to the point where your mind went blank and all you can remember is the life you had with him?

Though he tried to keep his composure, Tom pulled Y/n in for a hug before he left for good. And when he stepped foot out of her door, he couldn’t even make to his car before he broke down. He sobbed whilst he got into his car and almost began to drive before he wiped his tear stricken eyes. But the longer he stayed the harder it would, so he slipped out of her driveway and onto the path that would take him further away from her.

She didn’t speak of him to anyone, not even her parents, a part of  her was always angry at them for contributing to their reasons for breaking up. She closed up and almost felt like throwing up whenever she saw pictures of him with another girl, but he wasn’t hers anymore. A year later everyone expected Y/N Y/L/N the phenomenal actress to move on. She’d become more straightforward. And so at an event she was questioned about her and Tom; not before the interviewer gushed about how she thought Y/n and Tom were great together and was sad they broke up , Y/n didn’t beat around the bush. All she said was “That was between me and him, thank you for your opinion” smile and proceeded to walk away.

She only forced herself to be half the woman she was before she and Tom split up. But even she knew she wasn’t the same. Y/n thought of him more often than he probably did; or so she thought. Tom read a page of Shakespeare each day from the 1725 version of his sonnets that Y/n had got her hands on and bought him for his birthday. He remembered badgering about the price, refusing to leave her alone until she told him the price. He knew however that the fact that it was an old antique version, it was nowhere under a thousand. He treasured it, not because it was Shakespeare but because it was y/n who gave it to him.

She never picked up her bottle of perfume she’d left over at his house, so Tom placed it on his highest shelf. He missed her  beyond expression and often spoke of her to his mother even 3 years later.

Y/n’s Parent’s weren’t thrilled to see that they’re daughter had only distanced herself even more. 

“Why don’t you look at another car?” her mother suggested, one evening.

“Why?” 

“well you’ve only got one car, it wouldn’t hurt your image if you got another better one and drove that one out” 

“I don’t need another car, what am I supposed to do with 2 cars, the one I've got is getting me places isn’t it? It’s doing what its meant to, I don't need another one” Y/n placed her cup of coffee down.

Sitting on the other end of the couch her father rolled his eyes, he didn’t think Y/n’s new habits she learned from her ex-boyfriend would carry on even after they broke up. But apparently they did.

“Anyways, once I’m done filming this year I’m taking a break” Y/n picked up her empty coffee mug and got up and walked to the kitchen.

“Oh come one, It’s been 3 years, will you ever move on from him? Tom was a passing cloud, move on Y/n!” her father snapped.

“I’m taking a break after filming whether you approve or not, and I absolutely do not have to explain to you my reasons for needing a break dad” remaining calm and polite was becoming increasingly harder whenever someone brought up the fact that she hadn’t moved on more than a few months later. 

If it wasn’t that she’d already not attended about 4 award events, Y/n almost didn’t attend this one either. But she’d been talked into it by her management and plus, she’d been nominated for an award anyway. She’d mentally prepared herself for the long night ahead.

It was the usual loud and lively event. Y/n had given a few interviews, smiled through the photos, the award ceremony and through her acceptance speech. As she walked back to her seat with her award carelessly held in a loose grip, she looked up momentarily from the ground where she was trying to watch her steps so as not to trip, and allowed her gaze to fall on the suited up gentleman. 

Tom applauded as he heard her name announced as the winner, he didn't doubt her win, and he was proud. He watched as she very carefully walked back to her seat, he remembered the way Y/n was always so scared of tripping at award events-where her fall could be caught by numerous cameras. Smiling at her, he didn’t expect her to look up, had he seen it coming he would’ve looked away.

Her eyes were as kind as he remembered. The way she held the award; Tom knew she didn’t really care. Which confused him a little since she’d always been overjoyed and proud when she won an award, her smile was as homely and comforting as it was the day he met her. He missed her greatly. Just as he smiled at her, she returned his smile with a small one of her own and quickly walked ahead.

When the main event was finally over, as tempted as Y/n was to just head home, she also wanted a drink and she’d promised a few of her friends she’d be at the . So instead she headed to the afterparty and sat down at one of the empty round tables.

She placed her purse on the table, and curled her fingers around the glass of the golden-ish liquid. Y/n did her best to remain interested in whatever it was her friends and former co-star was talking about, but she couldn’t. All she could do was focus on the figure behind her former co-star, sitting on the table beside theirs. It felt as though he was so close yet so far away.

Tom itched to get up mid conversation with Hugh and walk over to Y/n; sitting right next his table, but she herself was immersed in a conversation as was he.

When Hugh finally got up to get another round of drinks, Tom swiftly got up and walked over to Y/n’s table-which luckily she was the only one at and was no longer speaking to anyone else.

“Would you mind terribly if I joined you ?” He almost smiled, when he purposely framed his question the way he did the first time he met Y/n.

“Oh Christ” she flinched and brought her hand up to her chest “scared the crap out of me Tom, and oh I really wouldn’t”

Both of them chuckled, relieved that they were in a place where they could lighten things up with each other.

“How have you been?” Tom smiled, watching her carefully. Y/n did always have a knack for-well not exactly being honest about how she was doing and brushing it off and saying she was fine even when she wasn’t.

“Im fi- ah you won’t believe me will you?” she raised her brows and laughed.

“No, I wouldn’t. I haven’t forgotten your-habit” he smile was sad

“Alright then, I have been alright. Could be better but, well it is what it is” before he could get a word out she continued on to ask “what about you? How have you been?” 

“I’ve certainly been better. Thank you for asking darling”

The small talk and formality in their tones almost hurt them, to go from knowing each other so well and loving each other, to becoming strangers with familiar smiles.

Y/n gazed at his blue eyes longingly. Missing seeing them in the morning as he woke up next to her. She’d missed everything about him; the gentle whiff of his cologne she could recognize anywhere, the way he’d adjust his tie or his glasses.

“Do you think it would’ve worked out?” Y/n blurted out after they’d been conversing for almost half an hour.

Tom didn’t have ask her what she was talking about. She only voiced the question he’d asked himself almost everyday.

“Truthfully” he sighed “ I don’t know. Sometimes I think it would have, but that’s just wishful thinking I suppose” he’d been looking at the tablecloth the entire time, but when he finally did look up at her, he was hit with the urge to kiss her. But he couldn't. Right?

“I don’t think it is. I feel as though maybe we could have” she was looking at him with unhindered emotion of love. She felt for him as strongly even now 3 years later.

With one hand resting on her purse and the other on her lap, Y/n looked at him while he rested one hand on the table while the other slipped towards Y/n’s knee.

“Y/n” his voice lowered as his hands caught hers on her thigh “ do you think, 3 years later we’d handle us better?” Y/n knew exactly what he was asking her, and it wasn’t whether she could handle the heat from others if they got back together.

Tom smiled as he held his cup of tea in one hand, and scrolled through Instagram in the other. He had the day off; to rest from the award event he’d attended the previous night. And while he’d usually sleep in on days off, he had a surge of energy he hadn’t had in a while.

“Darling have you seen this?” he tilted his phone towards Y/n who had just walked into the kitchen with his shirt hanging loosely off of her shoulders and grabbed her cup of tea.

“No I haven’t seen my phone yet, what is it?” sipping on the tea, she raised her brows at Tom.

“here” Y/n eyed the image of herself and Tom gazing at each other, while he spoke. Even through the image, the softness and familiarity didn’t go unnoticed. Y/n realized that she and Tom had been photographed in the same moment she  answered his question.

“I do, but don’t take my word for it. We’re not going to know unless we try” she smiled.

[murdertoothpick]

I’ve been going through a rough patch and I can’t get therapist tech out of my mind. could you write a fic sort of abt that? if not it’s ok

therapy

Pairing: therapist!Tech x gn!Reader

Warnings: None really, may be angsty but its covered by fluff.

Word count: 745

A/N: hi anon i really really hope things are better than when you had sent this request :) and i hope this does something to elevate your spirits. my dms are open to anyone who wants to talk, whether about your problems or you just need to distract yourself from life by simping over the clones or something ahndkjadjbsjd,,, please take care!!

also yes i keep writing tech comfort and fluff fics omg but i love him <3

'Talk to me, please,' he follows you through the door as you enter the barracks, unable to get you to stop.

Again, you don't respond, swiftly making your way towards your bunk, sliding under the covers without a word. You turn your back to Tech, who's now seated at the edge of the mattress, watching you in silence.

'Mesh'la,' he pulls at your foot, 'talk to me.'

Your response is muffled from under the covers, 'I don't want to talk to you.'

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why you were upset was beyond him, but now you won't talk to him about it?

You feel the mattress decompress when he stands up, frowning at the sound of his footsteps as he makes his way to the door. You hear the door open and shut, leaving you alone.

You curl even further into yourself, face warm with shock, then confusion, and then helplessness. You didn't expect him to actually leave.

The door opens again but you don't hear it, wallowing in your despair. You are pulled out of your self-absorption upon the noise of a chair being dragged across the floor, the sound of the friction making you wince. The person sits by your bed.

'Let's get started. What's your full name?' It's Tech. You turn your head to look at him, peeking out of the covers, your brow raised in question.

'What are you doing?' you prose, taking notice of the way he's seated facing you, sans helmet with a datapad in hand.

'I'm therapising you,' he answers, voice unusually chipper.

'You're what?'

'Therapising you,' he repeats, 'Just go with it.' You roll your eyes and he smiles, 'So, how are you feeling?'

You narrow your eyes at him, 'Tech', you warn, attempting to stop his unsolicited role-playing from going further.

He shakes his head, maintaining the act, 'It's Dr Tech.'

'Well, Dr Tech,' you mock, unamused, 'I don't need 'therapising.''

'The way you stormed out of the Marauder upon landing says otherwise.'

You purse your lips, glaring at him, 'I did not 'storm out,'' you defend, though he's not completely wrong.

He hums, pleased, prideful? 'Now we're getting somewhere.'

You huff, turning to stare up at the ceiling, a sign of your stubbornness.

He tries again, 'How do you feel?'

The answer comes easier this time. 'Annoyed,' you deadpan, somewhat wishing that he had left you alone right now. He ignores your retort, pressing further.

'What's on your mind?'

'Nothing.'

'I want to help y-'

'I don't need your help,' you grumble, sitting up to face him, knees brought to your chest, 'That's what's bothering me.'

He doesn't say anything at that, but you see his eyes flit between yours, observing the features of your face, distressed and confused. There's an uncomfortable silence around you, and the longer Tech is unresponsive, the more you want to curl back under the covers. The clone, whom you adored even through his incessant rambling, disturbs you with his silence.

After a breathtakingly long minute, he clears his throat, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 'Help me then.'

You look at him with a curious gaze, silently asking him to elaborate.

'Let's say that, hypothetically speaking, there's this person I really like, not like my brothers, though I wouldn't say I exactly like them, but this person, that I hypothetically like—I would like to spend some more time with them.'

The corners of your lips raise into a smile, 'Do you now?'

'Yes, so I offered—I mean, pretend I hypothetically offered to help them with some repairs, and I hurt their feelings. Not that I would be trying to, I just wanted—want to...you know, 'hang out,'' he explains, attaching air quotes at the end. 'What should I do?'

You bring a hand to your chin, dramatically stroking it in thought. 'I think you should be honest.'

'I am.'

'No, as in you should tell this person how you feel. I think they'd forgive you then,' you smile.

He returns the expression, rising from his seat to scoot beside you on the bed. 'I could, but something tells me they already know.'

You laugh. Tech sees it as a welcome noise, resting his head on your shoulder.

You speak up, 'I would love to spend more time with you.'

Mission complete, he thinks to himself.

Maybe after the war, or in another life, he'd make a good therapist. Hypothetically speaking.

taglist: @perpetual-fangirl900 @baroclinicinstability @kybacrystal @teletraan-meets-jarvis @foodandbooksplease @proadhog @sageislostinspring-pt2

[lacunafiction]

i was thinking about jr poly route today and i can’t help but imagine mc giggling at j singing begrudgingly while r plays the piano also begrudgingly

Hi Anon,

I hope you're doing well! 💚

Oh, I could see that happening when deeper in romance, getting R to play the piano may be easier than getting J to sing, but both of them can be convinced by the MC.

Thank you for your ask! 🥰

(Oh...Okay, I meant for this to be fluff and then it got a wee bit angsty, if you squint or look directly at it??? >.> )

_ _ _

Deeper Romance

"...Uh, no," J answers reluctantly.

The piano emitting a dramatic dun-dun-duuuun noise causes you to swivel on the polished wooden bench to face R, who gives a look of affected innocence even though their fingers are still splayed along the black and white keys. Their left hand remains resting lightly on your thigh, not yet raised to take its proper place to play. They had to reach over with their right hand to get to the lower notes, unwilling to move away from you, which is why you are sitting pressed against each other on the bench instead of R taking the proper 'elbows raised position' needed to move freely along the row of keys.

You don't mind the closeness, knowing the bench will only be occupied by R if you are also on it or within the room to listen to them play.

"As I was saying-" you glance back at J with a sweet smile that causes their expression to waver, "-can you sing just a little bit?"

"I don't think I would be good enough for the accompanying pia--Stop with the sound effects."

R intentionally strikes the higher keys, creating a few sharp bursts of sound that are more like discordant noise caused by a baby penguin waddling across the keys than actual, thoughtful music. They lock eyes with J, spotting the inaudible, resigned sigh that causes J's shoulders to raise a few inches before slowly falling again when their arms are crossed. "Dampen my playing with something else, if it bothers you that much," they quip, teasing more than anything else.

It is actually a little freeing to play something mindlessly that would earn their mother getting out the ruler with a disapproving frown. R both likes and dislikes smashing the keys at random; it requires no talent to do so. They delight in the chaos and the disrespect for the instrument. It is beneath their skill level and they know it's improper when a piano can sound so lovely too, which is why they suddenly stop, fingers tingling in a way that makes them want to fidget or keep moving.

The abrupt silence seems out of place after that...'music', but your hand being scooped up by R prevents you from questioning the sudden change. Their fingers interlock with yours like that of a water-tight, woven basket that is so unlike how J holds your hand, but you have learned how to slot your hand perfectly within their grip that is not as tentative or gentle as J's, but no less secure and meaningful. You get the feeling music is off the table for tonight. "Pizza." The idea forms so suddenly you blurt out the word. "Let's order pizza and watch a movie instead?"

"I'll sing you one song after the movie, okay?" J offers, coming to stand by the piano and offering a hand to help you up from the bench.

"Do we each get one? Because I have ideas for mine," R wonders, covering the keys of the piano with the built in wooden shutter. "So many ideas."

That most likely means the lyrics will either be provocative or have a double meaning; your lips nearly quirk at R's boldness.

"Probably not," J answers, but something about the fondness to their expression says 'yes'.

[9tzuyu]

my guitar is slightly out of tune, but i’m eternally yours.

[reuploaded and revised from my old blog.]

↠ prompt: you have a terminal illness but you have a chance with treatment but you deny it, then you meet wanda and you feel alive again.

↠ warnings: kinda angsty, but worth the read :>.

requests are always open!

masterlist

∘∴∙*⋆∙∴⋆∘∙*. ∘

“Oh–” was all you managed to say. “I recommend we start radiation treatments-” You zoned out and watched your feet dangle from the edge of the exam table. Was this it? Was this really all there was for you? It seemed hopeless to even do anything at this point. You figured if this was affecting you again, it was for a reason. 

"No. I don't want treatment." The doctor looked at you and his gaze faltered. "You do understand that if you refuse treatment this will inevitably kill you?" You nodded. The words felt empty, they carried no weight behind them anymore. Nonetheless, the doctor continued to try and persuade you. 

"I said I don't want the treatment. I'm refusing medical advice. I don't want to have to go through this again, it's obviously not going away. Now where the hell do I sign the papers?" You exasperated. The doctor gave you one last look before getting the papers for you to embark your signature on.

“You’re one-hundred percent sure about this?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I've got nothin' left for me here anyways. Might as well just let nature take its course.”

"Well surely you've got someone, a friend maybe?" You shook your head.

 "Nope." You replied, popping the P at the end. The doctor seemed to finally grasp the situation when you handed the papers back to him as if you were turning in a job application.

He pursed his lips, "I'm going to give prescribe medication for the pain. Based on the size of the tumor I'd say you have about eight months to live, but only about half of those months will be enjoyable." You nodded your head in reply and gathered your stuff together. 

So how were you going to spend your last months on earth? That was the question you asked yourself. You walked out of the building and found yourself in a coffee shop. It was busy, but you found yourself a seat next to a window in the back of the shop. Your eyes gazed out the window as you pondered your question from earlier.

'I could move to New York and see broadway shows I've never wanted to see'

'There's always casinos–'

'–Or what about splurging your money on dumb things that you'll quite literally never need?'

You laughed at your thoughts. You made up your mind right there, you were going to live the rest of your life just the way it was. It’d be easier that way. You didn't have friends, no longer had parents, so it's not like anyone would really miss you really. All you had was your pet cat and your guitar. And truth be told, that's all you needed. 

Coffee.

"Hello?" You snapped out of your gaze to see a beautiful brunette standing in front of you. The second thing you noticed was her accent, you'd never heard it before. “I was wondering if this seat was taken?” She softly smiled at you. You returned the gesture and shook your head no. "The place is cram packed and you seemed trustworthy. I hope I'm not disturbing you or anything, you seemed to be pretty deep in thought." The young woman blushed a crimson color, "I'm sorry I probably seem weird or something, I'll go."

Normally you would have cared, but at this point in time you didn't mind the company. So, with the slightest bit of hesitation, you called out for her.

“Wait! It’s fine, don’t worry. I-I’m all alone.” The woman’s smile widened as she took a seat across from you. “Thanks. I'm Wanda, what's your name?”

"Y/N." 

"Y/N..." She flexed your name on her tongue, "That's a beautiful name."

"I'm stuck with it for life, so I sure hope it's at least a decent name." You narrowed your eyes at her as you joked. A giggle escaped the gap between her lips, causing a small flutter to emit in your stomach.

"So what do you do?" She asked, intrigued by your presence.

"Well I do a lot of things, I walk, I talk, I breathe-"

"Oh shut up! You know what I meant." Wanda’s eyes gleamed with friendliness and warmth. She seemed like the type you'd be friends with if you weren't dying. "Okay, okay, I play guitar and sing while my cat eats her food." Wanda's eyes lit up at the mention of a cat. 

"You have a cat? What's her name?" Her elbows were propped up on the table with her head resting in her hands, showing just how actually interested she was in you.

“Her name is Nala. You know, from The Lion King?”

Wanda’s brows furrowed together. She’d never seen The Lion King, much less heard of it.

Your jaw dropped at her confusion. “You mean to tell me you’ve never seen The Lion King?”

“I’m Sokovian, what do you expect?” 

“Ahh, I see. Well, do you at least have any pets?”

"My apartment doesn't allow pets."

"So? Sneak one in." You replied nonchalantly, crushing ice between your teeth. Wanda looked at you in shock. "No way! Knowing me I'd get my ass caught on the first day." You shrugged in reply and the conversation quickly went dead.

Wanda checked her phone, moving abruptly to get up from her seat. "I'm so sorry, I have to go now. I'll see you around, okay?"

“Sure.”

After another half hour of waiting on nothing and thinking about everything, you finally decided it was time to leave. A feeling of regret washed over you. The woman was kind, very friendly, something that you craved.

But you couldn’t allow yourself these things now, especially given the direction you were heading.

_____

Over the next few weeks you'd spent your time songwriting, journaling and a midst of other lonely, boring things. Sometimes you'd catch yourself thinking about the woman in the coffee shop, but you tended not to dwell too much on the past. 

You thought about your tumor and all the different ways it was growing inside you. It grossed you out more than anything, but you weren't afraid. At least not now you weren't. 

A heavy sigh slipped from your lips, and the sudden urge to go to the park overtook the need to do anything else. You’d never really visited the park in your area before, so you decided now was the time. 

The beige acoustic guitar rest heavily on your shoulders, similarly to the weight of the world. It was bitter, no taste of sweetness was left over in the aftermath.

Leaves crunched under your feet as you made your way into the park. The smell of pine and bark surrounded you, just as the pinch of cold air that struck your face. It was tranquil.

You marched your way over to a nearby tree secluded from everyone else. Setting your guitar down, you nested cozily against the wood. Your journal rest aside your hip as did the pen that exchanged your thoughts into words.

Humming quietly, your fingertips grazed the instrument’s delicate strings. Music filled the air around you, but it came to a quick stop nearly ten minutes after you’d begun.

"Hey, I know you. Y/N, right?" You heard a familiar accented voice behind you. You turned around to find Wand standing above you. "Uh yeah, that's me. What's up?" She sat down beside you, making you a little uncomfortable, but you figured you could deal with it for the sake of being nice. 

"Nothing. I just saw you and thought I’d say hi. What about you? I see you have your guitar."

“Just singing,” you mumbled quietly.

She smiled and pushed a strand of hair out of your face that was blown in from the wind. "You’re really pretty." You bit your lip and you could feel the heat rise to you face. "Thanks."

"Mhm. So last time I didn't get your number, maybe I will this time?" She asked (although her eyes were begging). You couldn’t help but feel something while she bit her lip, her doe eyes unintentionally focusing on your lips.

"I'll have to give you mine, I didn't bring my phone with me – don’t use it much." You replied. She handed her phone to you and you typed your number in.

"Do you not have family or friends you keep up with?" Her brow quirked in curiosity.

"Parents died, no siblings, and no friends. I don't have many people to worry about."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine, I don't mind." She looked down in her lap before asking another question. "What about a job? Do you work?" Wanda was definitely a curious one, but each question she asked carried you in a way you’d never felt before. It was refreshing to have someone interested in you, and not your disease. 

"Nope, when my parents died they left all their life savings to me. It's plenty enough for me to live on." Your fingers began lightly playing the chords of a song. It was often that you unknowingly played when you were scared or nervous. You'd only realize afterwards. 

"That's good– not that your parents died, but you know, you have money and stuff. Even if it's– oh my god- " 

You cracked out a laugh, causing her to look at you in terror. Noticing this, you rest a hand on her shoulder. "Wanda, it's okay. You're fine, I know what you mean." She nodded shyly and looked up to the sky. 

"Hey, it's sunset! I love sunsets, I used to watch them all the time with my brother back in Sokovia." Her voice wavered at the end of her sentence, and you easily picked up on it.

"Something wrong?" You asked. She laid her head on your lap and you stiffened, but quickly relaxed. This is fine. This is okay. You set your guitar aside and began to play with her hair.

"I miss him. Pietro..." She paused for a second before continuing. "He died a couple of years ago from cancer." You felt your heart drop for the first time at the mention of the horrid disease that stripped you away from most of your life. "Oh." The word seemed to become your go-to for whenever you didn't know how to accept information you were given.

"He was the other half of me. We were twins, I felt like my whole world fell apart. After he died I moved out of my country and moved here. Since then I've made some good friends. You might like them." 

“I’m sorry about your brother. I’m sure he was wonderful, Wanda.” You whispered, bringing a piece of her hair to the end of a braid. “I'm happy you've made some friends." Wanda nodded and snuggled closer in your lap. "Maybe I can be your friend?" You gave it a thought. You weren't sure you could do that to her, not with your illness anyway. Guilt nawed at you already. She’d already lost someone so beloved and close to her from it, how awful you began to feel if you had to put her through that again.

"Y/N?"

You stared at her for a few moments before answering. "I don't know, maybe." She turned over to face you, but you avoided her gaze. "I'm going to figure you out you know." You stifled a laugh, "And you'll be sorry you ever did."

"Whatever."

____

Four months passed and you thought they would be empty, meaningless months, but with Wanda nuzzling her way into your life you began to feel alive for the first time. When she came around it was like a switch you couldn't turn off. 

Right now, you sat at your desk strumming your guitar while watching Nala play with a toy dinosaur you’d bought her just weeks ago. This life was good too, you thought. But it was lonely.

You weren't quite sure what Wanda meant to you yet, but you were slowly discovering that whatever the two of you had, blossomed into something more each second you spent together.

Popping a Vicodin in your mouth, your phone buzzed. It would be no one else but Wanda.

be there in a few, it's urgent. 

Panic set in your body as you worried for the safety of your friend. What could possibly be the matter? Normally Wanda talked about what was bothering her.

A knock at your door brought you out of your gaze and you stumbled to answer it. Wanda was distressed, her hair a mess and her eyes red.

“Whats wro-” You were cut off By Wanda smashing her lips onto yours. 

She pulled back in shock. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I-"

You shut her up by pushing her into the wall, door closing behind you. Her lips tasted of strawberry and her hands began to roam your body.

One thing led to another and you both ended up naked on your bed. How amazing it must be to wake up and know that you won’t be dead in the next few months.

"You're good. Almost too good. Where did you learn all that from having no friends?" She smirked at you. You gave her a smile and kissed her again. Your arms wrapped around her nude body and together you felt the utter bliss and excitement radiating from one another.

. . . . 

Three weeks later yoy began to shake. It was hardly noticeable, and it just so happened to occur when you were playing

It’s downhill from here and you know that.

"Can you fix it? Can you fix this?" You yelled at him, despite knowing it was all your fault. If you would've just taken the treatments you wouldn't be in this place. But back then your life had no real meaning, it was just you and your cat.

You hadn't planned on falling in love with someone. 

"There's nothing I can do now. Treatments won't work, it's too far gone. I'm surprised it took this long to start showing symptoms."

For the first time in years, you felt tears beginning to build in your eyes. "You don't understand, I love her and now I'm just going to leave her? This can't be happening, you have to do something!" You pleaded, but the doctor’s eyes were solemn, giving you the only reply you needed. 

You stormed out of the hospital and made your way to Wanda. Silence rang through your ears.

Tell her. You have to tell her.

It will be over.

Sobs wrecked your body as you fumbled with the keys to your shared apartment. The door opened to a sight you wanted to live forever.

There she was, perched on the couch while massaging Napa’s scruffy fur. She was content, happy, and here you were to ruin it.

"Y/N? Baby what's wrong?" She got up from her spot and rushed over to you, worry etched on her face. You clung onto her for more life than you had left. And god, You weren't scared before, but you sure as hell were now. 

"I have terminal cancer."

Wanda froze.

"That's not funny, Y/N. You know how I feel about this topic." Her glare was hasty, burning into your skin.

"I was diagnosed almost five months ago, please Wanda you have to believe me. I have tremors, don't you see?" You raised your hand up to show her, but she slapped it away. "You're making yourself do that, Y/N. Stop joking, or I'm leaving." She crossed her arms

"W-What?" Your chest tightened.

"I said stop joking."

"I'm not joking, Wanda!"

"I'm leaving," She huffed, snatching her jacket before slamming the door shut.

And it was true, she did leave. However, Wanda didn't leave for the reasons she gave you.

She loved you, but she couldn’t handle another loss like this.

. . . . 

During the next two months you experienced the most heartache you'd ever felt before. The combination of vomiting, body aches, and dizziness didn't help. If anything, it made it worse. You missed Wanda. Everything about her gave you a reason to live.

You were on your seventh month and the pain was unbearable. It hurt to reach out for a cup of water, your hands shook uncontrollably all while sending jolts of scorching pain throughout the entirety of your arm.

Undoubtedly, the hospital bed became your next best friend (although it was the worst one you’d ever had. But it somehow managed to weasel its way back in your life).

Wanda was nowhere to be seen, and if anything that only progressed your disease. The only thing that kept you sane was your guitar, and the fact that Nala was being taken care of by a sweet, old nurse (who sometimes snuck her in so you could see her).

It was about the small things now. 

More days passed and each one was getting worse. By now you just wanted to end it all on your own, but you were physically too weak to do that.

There was a knock on your door, but you ignored it thinking it was just another nurse. "Y/N?" The voice was soft, it felt like it'd been years since you last heard it. You turned your head slightly to see Wanda standing in the doorway. A weak smile formed on your face.

"Hey you." 

Wanda quickly dropped her things and ran to your side. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She mumbled over and over again as you calmly stroked her hair.

"It's okay, you know it is." You whispered in her ear. She looked up at you and shook her head, "But it's not okay, I left you when you needed me the most." You stared at her adoringly and the tips of your fingers gently rubbed away the tears from her face. "But I'm still here, aren't I?" She laughed through her cries, "Yeah... you're still here."

Both of you knew you didn't have much time left, but you ignored that other than the fact that you made her promise to take care of Nala when you were gone. She held your hand and got you everything you needed.

And you love her so deeply for that.

One night you had the feeling that your time was coming soon, so you woke Wanda up from her sleep. "Sweetheart?" She stirred a little before finally sitting up. 

"Yeah?"

"Hand me my guitar?" She tilted her head, "But your shakes?" You ignored her and asked for it again. 

When she handed you your beloved guitar you took it with grace. "Come help me, I wanna play a song." She nodded and came to your side.

Your fingers struggled as they strummed the delicate strings on the instrument. You picked one of Wanda's favorite, and when you were done you spoke lightly.

"My guitar is slightly out of tune, but I'm eternally yours."

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 As your boyfriend | FKBU Headcanons 』

Characters: female!reader, Kambe Daisuke, Kato Haru

Tags/warnings: Fugou Keiji Balance: Unlimited (anime), 18+, strong sexual references, fluff, angst, Haru's PTSD, headcanons, daddy kink and cockwarming (kind of?) for Daisuke, breeding kink for Haru *coughing intensifies*

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Felt like writing some more for these boys because ~holy shit~ do I love them, and I maybe went a teensy bit overboard. Oopsie! 🤭 But anyway, have y'all seen episode 6?! Let's freaking gooo! (No spoilers, don't worry) Thanks for reading! Enjoy! Imo~

Kambe Daisuke

First up: daddy kink. I know it, you know it, we all know it. So let's not beat about the bush

Quite dominant and firm with you (see: daddy kink)

But he absolutely loves spoiling you

Expensive gifts, like one-of-a-kind necklaces, seductive perfumes, satin dresses, lace underwear, etc.

He loves dressing you up and showing you off

But he also loves spoiling you in bed more like ruining, I am deceased

A lot of butt grabbing in public hnng

He likes it when you don't wear any underwear because it makes for easier quickies like bent over the sink in the bathroom at his favourite club

He likes you sitting on his lap in front of people, too aye papi

American gangster vibes, honestly

He's not really one for soppy, romantic PDA, but he loves you letting people know that it's him you want and nobody else

He loves the look on people's faces when you call him 'daddy' that grin will be the death of me

Especially the look on Haru's face, lmao. He blushed like a tomato and couldn't speak a coherent sentence for a whole hour

Hickeys. Lots and lots of hickeys. And don't even think about covering them up

Daisuke loves sleeping naked and has a habit of walking around the house in just a towel when he gets out the shower fight me

He's also completely oblivious to what it does to you

A MASSIVE bed with super soft, satiny sheets. They feel like clouds uwu

He gets HEUSC to remind him of important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Date Ideas: Unlimited sorry, not sorry

From fancy restaurants, to exclusive movie premieres, to late night helicopter rides to the other side of the country, Daisuke can and will pay for anything if it makes you happy

He also lets you introduce him to lots of new things, like trying different kinds of street food on dates, going rowing on the pond in the park, having a go at karaoke, renting bikes and cycling round the city, going hiking at the nearest nature reserve or wilderness, etc. adorable

He's like a curious kitten when he's trying new things, putting a lot of trust in you to guide him through it

He always looks perfect in the photos you snap, even the ones he wasn't aware you were taking, and it's a lowkey frustrating that he nearly always looks prettier than you

But it's not his fault, so you'll only pout for a little while

His face is pretty hard to read most of the time, but you eventually get used to it and pick up on all his little mood indicators

His ears move when he's happy, and you can't convince me otherwise

He'll hold your heels for you when your feet hurt on a night out

He smells of leather and sandalwood, and his kisses taste of expensive whisky and cigars

He loves it when you bite his lower lip while making out

He's kind of possessive, but in a protective way

He never thought of himself as a particularly jealous person, until one night he came back to the bar and saw some other guy hitting on you the attention was definitely unwanted on your side

It made his blood boil – clenched fists, piercing glare if looks could kill

But he managed to stay calm and maturely tell the guy to get lost, with his arm snaking round your waist

Daisuke made it very clear that it wasn't you he didn't trust. It was that he didn't trust that guy – or any guy, for that matter

His favourite ~position~ is on a table or other surface with your legs over his shoulders

He's a god at eating you out

He's a god at everything in the bedroom, tbh

Saint Laurent condoms, because he's that fucking extra I'm screaming

His hair always falls out of place when you're fucking it's so hot and cute, wtf

It's a lot of glitz and glamour on the surface, but when it's just the two of you, you know just how much you mean to him

The King of Aftercare™

He used to suck at aftercare until he properly tried it. Then he realised that he needed it as much as you did le cry

Back rubs, forehead kisses, playing with your hair, soft whispers in your ear

He holds you so tightly that it gets hard to breathe, and you can feel his heart beating hard against your back

Sometimes he likes to just stay inside you after finishing

He enjoys the feeling of you around him, and honestly, you like just feeling him being inside you cockwarming, kind of?

Soft little nuzzles with his nose in his sleep even better when he's fallen asleep while still inside you

He's not perfect, but being with you makes him try to be better

Help, my heart's so full 🤧

Kato Haru

This man is a sweetie pie, honestly

Not just boyfriend material, but husband material put a ring on it, hun

Lots of home cooking, and it all tastes so good you honestly believe he could just quit being a cop and open up a restaurant

He loves cooking with you, too. It's fun bonding time

Sometimes he stands behind you and guides your hands etc. it sometimes goes a little further, if ya know what I'm saying 👀

Knows how to do all the chores and housework, and actually does his share look at my practical hubby

Random pillow fights that turn into cuddle sessions

He talks in his sleep waaahh, so cute

Sometimes it's utter nonsense, like 'Don't let the donuts escape'

Other times, it's things like, 'I love Y/N so much,' or 'Let's have babies,' while he's holding onto you, and you just melt

Spooning. So much spooning

Lots of budget date ideas, like building pillow forts, watching sunsets and stargazing from the balcony, going for hikes and runs together, going for picnics, feeding ducks at the pond, etc.

One time, a duck chased him around the pond because he had the bread, and he had to run for 20 minutes before it gave up thank God for all that cardio

The Master of Flat Pack Furniture™ – because he takes his time and actually reads the instructions

Daisuke had a ™ so Haru needed one too

Takes good care of you on your period and actually knows about different sanitary products

He smells really fresh and clean, like Imperial Leather soap and air-dried laundry as long as he hasn't been on a stakeout, lmao

He loves taking showers with you, but like, actual showers

The first and only time you had shower sex was hot and steamy until:

1. You realised that water does not a good lube make and 2. He slipped and accidentally shoved his dick in your ass instead

You fully passed out, and he was so frantic that he bundled you into the car and drove you straight to the ER you were in just a towel, might I add

You both look back on it now and laugh, but he was genuinely scared

Shower sex = never again

But he loves it when you straddle his lap and start grinding on him bonus points if you kiss his neck and run your hands through his hair

He's a pretty vanilla boy when it comes to sex, preferring positions like missionary and cowgirl, and liking a fairly even balance of power

He got super embarrassed and flustered when he finally mustered up the courage to suggest having car sex

And then even more embarrassed and flustered when you actually ended up doing it

He was blushing so hard the entire time and came really quickly, which only added to his embarrassment but you thought it was cute

He has really sensitive nipples which you use to your advantage

He absolutely loves hates it when you send him nudes or try and sext him while he's at work, because he gets a massive boner and will either have to live with it and probably get laughed at by those goobs in the office, or deal with it in the bathroom, which feels wrong to him on so many levels

Doesn't really stop you sending them though, because whenever you do, he comes home and fucks you really well

One thing that's not vanilla about him is how much he likes cumming inside you breeding kink, welcome to the party. Please take a seat

He didn't tell you about it for the longest time because he was embarrassed about it and was afraid you'd think it was gross or something please cum in me, sir

He was so relieved when you were understanding about it and open to the idea of indulging him

But he genuinely really wants kids some day he'd be a great dad

His PTSD doesn't stop him being a good boyfriend, but he's convinced that it does

Most days he seems okay, like he's over it, even

But sometimes you'll wake up in the middle of the night and find him curled up in the bath, shaking and crying into his knees my poor baby, I can't

Excuse me while I go and cry into my pillow for a while

You're his safety net

When he feels like he's drowning, you keep his head above the water until the waves eventually calm and recede, and he can breathe again

He hates putting so much on your shoulders

But you swear to him that you wouldn't want to be doing anything else, and that you're not going anywhere

This got so angsty, my heart can't take this 😭

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[dramaticnerdwithanxiety11]

Here have the obnoxious list of quotes of have because i think they're very neat (these come from all over the place ranging from fanfiction, to google to my own fingies)

Also it's funny that I can see with complete clarity where I started getting into new fandoms because I started collecting new quotes relating to them.

(i promise they get less angsty 😭 these are a year and a half in the works)

I've got too many tabs open in my brain, and it's too laggy to close any.

I think i'll just collapse right here, thanks!

All I wanted was for you to leave. But I didn't think you actually would..

You're just like a bomb going off right next to my head..

Why do I have to cram all of my thoughts together just to be heard?

I wish your silence didn't scare me so much..

My body looks like a poorly drawn anatomy lesson, or a bunch of mismatched pieces sewn together.

Why did I have to grow up afraid to admit i'm scared?

What a stupid way to die.

An immortal man with a death wish, how fucking ironic.

Why did we have to turn into such an ugly sight?

I can't tell you why, but it feels like something's wrong.

What would my mother think, now that she's watched her son be buried?

What would you think of me, an immortal man with a death wish?

They are the stars and the moon to my empty sky.

Dreams are like… jigsaw puzzles, assembled wrong.

Are you, or the others, crazy?

How do you paint a pretty picture when your brush is broken?

Is it only in movies that it's black and white?

Sometimes the worst place you can be in is your own head.

Alone. Because everyone will inevitably leave him.

Because I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.

I came face to face with a version of "me" that was nothing like myself.

The present is all we get, so we need to make it work.

We're just kids. We aren't supposed to be heroes.

It's all a bit tragic, isn't it?

She is a child that was forced to grow up.

I stopped being a kid the day you sent me down here to die.

Are monsters born, or created?

We'll never be those kids again.

Dear Death, I'm ready.

I needed a hug, but all they gave me was a box of matches and a knife.

I'm that memory you don't remember.

My mind is blessed with madness, and cursed with the knowledge that’s it’s there.

My eyes burn with unshed tears and suddenly I wish it didn't hurt so much to cry.

I don’t know what's happening but that's okay

We were thin but we were thick as thieves

I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die.

Even white roses have black shadows.

To plant a garden, is to believe in tomorrow.

In an endless garden of Flowers I will always pick You.

My Garden of Roses is wilting, because i spent too much time watering yours..

If i had a flower for every time i thought of you, i could walk through my garden forever.

Are you sure it isn't the Thorns that have Roses..?

Laughter after Tears is is the human equivalent of a Rainbow

I THINK I'M OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW I AINT SHIT.

I heard everything. It was just easier to pretend I didn't.

Remember how bright our first days were?

I miss not knowing who you were, because at least you couldn't hurt me so much without more than a word.

I'm dying slow and I can't stop it.

I really am my fathers child, aren't I?

If I dont go to hell when I die i might go heaven- but probably not.

If this is how you folks make art, it's fucking depressing.

I'm sorry mom and dad, I know I fucked up bad. I should've done better.

You entered the circus, boy, now play like the clowns.

The intimacy of being understood

However fair is for fools, take them away!

Life is a party and I'm starting to think I'm the piñata

I can't telling if I'm dying or not, all I know is I can't breathe.

Sometimes the shortest stick is the sharpest.

You don't hate me because i'm crazy, you hate me because i'm right.

I might be the writer, but you will always be the words.

I'm sending an old friend good luck, through a wishing well of magic.

Karma's probably fake, unless you meet someone who Really believes in it, cause they'll make it happen.

Does it count as being after dark, if the streetlights are on and nobody is looking for you?

Memory lane is not a Well-Mainted Public Road, it's a backroad lined with burning trees.

Sometimes you have to become a monster to stay human

"To be fair I have no intentions of murdering someone then popping a cyanide pill to escape the consequences,"

"You don't pump blood, I would know, I've had my hands in your heart before. Also, you're a terrible liar,"

Just killed a woman, feelin good~

"Fashionless wonder? He won't be saying that when I throttle him with my bowtie.."

"Handfull of BEES?"

"3am is the bitching hour, prove me wrong,"

"He's perfect, we made a baby!" "Team effort," "Go team!"

"Welcome to fucking Applebees do you want the apples or bees?" "Bees..?" "THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!"

Welcome to the nightmare inside my head~

The point is; Frogs are bitches and ~we~ do not associate with terrorists

I'M STILL HEADING DOWNHILL, BUT I FOUND A HORSE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT. SO LIKE, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Characters are their own beings. I just write up their incident reports.

"Don't go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,"

"Drop dead," "Low blow..."

"I would like to apologize... that you, are depriving some village of their IDIOT!"

"Dad, could you stop playing tennis with hitler for just a moment and, yaknow, take a quick call?"

There's a hole in your soul [and something is trying to get out]

I'm exhausted and filled with a longing I don't know how to control.

Longing floods out of me like blood, and I truly haven't learned to properly staunch my wounds.

You're the Hyde to my Jekyll, the Chaos to my Calm. The Hate to my Love, the Lost to my Longing.

I've split myself so far down the middle I'm truly not sure where I end and where I begin.

Sometimes I wonder if joking about not having a soul was ever truly a joke.

I will force feed you a vial of impure salts and then watch as you writhe. Don't test me, kid.

There's something strange, there's something wrong. I see a change, it's like when love dies...

God knows; I am careless; this is the true hour of my death, and what is to follow concerns another than myself.

'If he be Mr. Hyde,' Utterson had thought, 'Then I'll shall be Mr. Seek.'

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Peter Parker - SFW Alphabet

Masterlist

This is for MCU Peter (cuz some of the answers would be different if they were for others lol)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Peter loves affection, but he's got to work through all his nerves first. Just the idea of touching you sometimes is enough to make him start blushing and hiding into himself. But once he finally works through it, affection is always. He likes to receive it, but he LOVES to give it. He basically has all the love languages, but his major two are words of affirmation and physical touch.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Peter Parker is a good best friend...when he's there. He pays attention to all the little things and he always does right when it really counts. He'll geek out with you, help you no matter what, and try his best to make you happy no matter what. However if you don't know about him being Spiderman, it can be a real stress on the friendship, because he'll always seem distant. Once you know, it will be like everything falls into place. You finally understand why he does the things he does. Overall though, he's a stellar friend.

You'd probably become his friend because you sat next to each other in class, or you were already at the Avengers compound, and for whatever reason, the two of you immediately clicked.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

PETER LOVES CUDDLES. And when Peter wants to cuddle, he wants to CUDDLE. He wants to squeeze you and never ever let go. Ngl he'll probably fall asleep while cuddling you because when he's cuddling he's in PEAK zen mode. It's probably the most relaxed that he can be.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Yeah he definitely wants to settle down, but he's scared to. It's not that he has commitment issues, it's just that he's so afraid and aware of the dangers of being with him. But if given the chance, he'd probably settle.

He's not completely terrible at cooking, May has definitely taught him a few things. But he's no chef. Let's be real he's probably had a bunch of moments of forgetting that something was in the oven. There will be lots of disasters. When it comes to cleaning, if pressed, he will clean. But don't be surprised when every room in the house is messed up again because of things that he'll "come back for later" that he never comes back for.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Oh he'd hate every bit of it, he'd dread over it for days and days. If Peter were to break it off, he'd do it face to face. He'd feel so bad about it, and if you start to cry he actually might comfort you in the midst of breaking up with you.

Best outcome, it was mutual and you guys end like friends. Worst outcome, he gets cold feet and actually just leaves you a note.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He's surprisingly cool about commitment, given the dangers of his life. Of course, he's hesitant, but when this dude falls, he falls HARD. So hard to where he'll commit and not think twice about it.

He'd wanna get married whenever it hits him I guess. Not right away, but it's not like he'd have you waiting forever.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Physically- As gentle as the average teenage boy I suppose lol. Well a little bonus because of how anxious he is of hurting you. 5/10

Emotionally- Peter's more anxious boi than soft crybaby. He wouldn't need comfort on everything 24/7, because he can actually handle way more than people give him credit for, but it's when he's going through something really personal or really traumatic when he needs that reassurance that everything will be alright. 6/10

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Peter doesn't mind hugs, but he's gotta be in the mood for one to really enjoy it, otherwise he's just going through the motions with it. Like if he's in the mood his brain is "oh my gosh you're hugging me this is beautiful you've graced me with your touch you wonderful specimen" but if he's not it's just like "oh... this is unexpected." I don't think he's super into hugs because I kind of like the headcanon that he's a bit of a germaphobe but I don't think he's super against them either. He's more in the middle where if it hits him, it hits him and if it doesn't, he doesn't want them.

He gets in the mood to hug like 20 times a day. You'll be beside him doing work and like out of nowhere. BOOM. Hugged. And then he just goes back to doing whatever he's doing except now he's blushing really hard while doing it.

Peter's hugs are really soft and quick (unless he's cuddling you, then it's really long). He just wants to feel your presence until he's satisfied. He's always really warm so that's a major plus.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not right away. It'll be whenever it feels right. And I picture the first l-word drop going one of three ways:

1) Quirky - you guys will be chilling/making out/watching a movie and he'll find himself feeling really sentimental and emotional for no reason and he'll just turn and be like, "hey, I love you". And it sort of catches you off-guard and he sees your expression (whatever it may be) and he immediately starts blushing and stammering and he's like "I-i mean- no I don't!..I-i mean I do!... but like- not unless you want me too! I-in fact I'll hate you if you want me-" and you have to cut him off with a kiss before he gets too wound up and you softly smile back like "I love you too, weirdo."

2) Sweet - he's thought about this for a long time (and even maybe told May and Ned about it) and he really wants to tell you but he doesn't know how and you notice that's he's been weird around you and always looks like he has something else on his mind (like more than usual) and you're getting pretty worried and after awhile you can't take it anymore and you confront him about it probably at the lunch table or in the hallways after school or at his apartment (is there some mission you don't know about? Is he breaking up with you? Is he okay?) and he's stuttering alot and he finally has to pause and compose himself before pulling you aside and softly telling you how we feels.

3) Angsty - after a particularly intense night at patrol (definitely with a casualty) he's perched on the top of a building, staring out at New York, feeling like the biggest failure alive. He's run down with guilt and the tears just won't stop. Hands shaking, he dials your number and you pick up and immediately start asking if he's okay once you hear his trembling voice. "I messed up," he mumbles before he breaks down and sobs out the entire story to you. You try your best to comfort him as best you can through the phone, trying to tell him (with no avail) that it's not his fault and that he can't save everyone. It takes a while, but he finally calms down enough to clearly take a swing, but not before he says, "look..I want you to know that I love you... and I'll do everything I can to always protect you...I promise you that...I can't lose you," he sobs. Given the situation, neither one of you really registers that this is his first time saying it, but it makes it a dozen times easier to start saying it more often from now on.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Peter's jealousy is probably the average amount for a guy. He doesn't do much with it though. He'll just get really quiet and maybe freak out to Ned about it later. Very subtle looks and jaw clenches but other than that, he's fine. Unless you're really attentive, you probably wouldn't notice.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

When he first started getting into the hang of first dates and stuff, his kisses were pretty fast and more like little pecks on the lips and stuff because he was always so nervous about messing up. But now that's he's gotten the hang of it, Peter's kisses (when he's not in a rush) are usually slow and sensual. He wants to do nothing but focus on you in that moment.

Well mostly on the lips of course. He'll lay his head on your shoulder alot when he's bored so every now and then when he's doing that he'll turn his head and give you a little kiss on your shoulder. If he's whispering in your ear in lunch he'll give a kiss on the cheek. Really though, once he gets the all his jitters out about it, he'll kiss you anywhere.

Peter probably likes to be kissed on the cheek and on the lips more than anywhere else

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Peter is amazing with kids. He'll always find a way to get along with them, and they usually warm up to his easy-going nature. He's a bit of a pushover when it comes to really nice kids so they usually love him because he'll give them anything. I'm not really one of talking about having kids, but he'd be a great father in the future. (But we're not in any rush for him to do that okay😂🤭)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are spent, well first of all waking up (obviously), cuddling, finishing whatever movie you were watching the night before, Peter probably rambling a bunch about whatever he finds himself wondering about, playing video games, and basically just relaxing before May tells you it's time for school.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are spent goofing around with Peter and Ned at Peter's home or chilling with Peter which can literally be doing just about anything (making out, relaxing, deep talks, watching movies, doing homework, etc.). You can do practically anything with this guy.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Peter isn't the best about opening up, not because he wants to hide things, but because he isn't on the same wavelength as everyone else when it comes to "important" things to share. Like out of nowhere he'll find himself telling you something and you'll be like "woah I wish I you would've told me that earlier" and he'll just shrug and be like "oh I didn't know that was really important enough to tell". He doesn't tell anything slower or faster it's more like whenever it's on his mind or convenient for him to tell.

But for the most part, if you're important enough for you to know he's spiderman secret, he'll tell you pretty much anything.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not easily angered at all. If anything he's more easily confused then angered. Like if you were trying to make him angry, he'd be more "why are you doing this🥺🤨?!" than "why are you doing this😡?!"

He'd only get angry easily if he'd been going through alot and a bunch of things have been building up, other than that, normally he's a pretty chill guy when it comes to losing his temper.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Oh he remembers practically everything you tell him. Even crap that you've probably forgotten about yourself, he knows. He notices every tiny thing, though he forgets the big stuff sometimes.

Ex: one day May asks him what he wants her to buy at the supermarket for breakfast and he says poptarts because he remembers that you like poptarts from that one time you briefly mentioned how much you liked them and he gets the kind that you like even though he doesn't really like it so that on the days you come over to his house you'll have something to eat...but like legit that same day he forgets that it's your anniversary😬

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He has many favorite moments, one of them being your first date. He was so nervous, and he showed up late, and he'd regretted letting May choose his outfit, and he hated himself for not choosing the restaurant because it'd show that he wasn't assertive enough, and he was pretty sure he stepped in dog crap while he was running to the restaurant and he just knew that he was the worst date ever until finally he got there and you were totally just fine about it. You told him to relax and that everything was fine and you were just glad to have him there, which in turn made him relax. He looked into your eyes and knew there was absolutely nothing to worry about and he had an amazing time.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He's protective, but not suffocating. Like if he sees something happening to you from afar, he's not gonna step in unless you make it clear that you want him to. For the most part, he'll let you handle things yourself.

Peter's more like a "protect you from the unknown" kind of guy. He's gonna protect you from threats that you don't know are there, and that are probably much bigger than the two of you. Things like death or heartbreak. He'll probably break up with you to "protect" you, which, let's be honest, is complete stupid, albeit noble. Overall, he'll do anything in his power to keep you happy.

Peter doesn't really need protection more so... comfort. He knows the world he lives in. He can defend himself and all that, but at the end of the day, he just wants someone to tell him that everything's gonna be okay🥺

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

With Peter it's either extremely last minute but a little thoughtful (because he probably forgot) or extremely thought through with unbelievable effort. No in between. Truly a go big or go home type deal. Like for your birthday he's either getting you something he's researched on for months that he knew you'd love or you're getting a card that he bought from a Walmart on the way to school with a sloppily written love letter inside that he came up with off the top of his head. At the end of the day it's the thought that counts when it comes to Peter.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He thinks literally everything is his fault🙄. If something bad happens, and he feels that he could've done even the slightest thing to change it, he's gonna beat himself up about it no matter what what you try to say.

Also he's a really busy guy. So if you're one of those girls that needs to be kept or need your boyfriend there all hours of the day, Peter's probably not for you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not too concerned. Like of course he wants to look good or cool or whatever, but he's also learned to be pretty comfortable with himself (at least as far as looks go). He gets pretty insecure sometimes but for the most part he's okay with his looks. He'll totally do himself up if he's trying to impress someone though.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Depends on how close you've become. If he only liked you, he'll be okay. If he loved you, yeah, he'll feel incomplete without you. But only if you break up or if you're hurt or lost or something. If the two of you just haven't seen each other for a while he'll be fine. He's not that sentimental.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Peter has a skirt kink. Skirts. They make him weak. He found this out about himself when he started dating Gwen Stacy. He will practically break his neck to see you in a skirt.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone who has extremely poor hygiene. Peter's not the best at hygiene. He's definitely skipped brushing his teeth from time to time, but someone who's a complete slob? It'll just make him feel bad for you. It's a turn off for him. You won't get his affection but you will get his pity.

Someone obnoxious or aggressive. Peter, although anxious, is overall a pretty chill guy. If someone was just on 100 every time he saw them, ngl they'd probably weird him out. Like of course he wants someone with their own personality, but he wants someone with a level of coolness and obnoxious and aggressive people just aren't cool.

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

Peter wants to hold something when he sleeps. When he was little, he used to sleep with a stuffed animal, and once he got older he broke out of it. But when he slept with you for the first time (sexually/nonsexually, doesn't matter) all that came rushing back. He'll hold you tightly in his sleep and won't let go unless you make him.

Hope you liked it!!😁😁😁

Tagging mutuals: @allegra-writes, @angelsparkers, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @underoosjae, @chaoticpete, @spidey-reids-2003, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky

[salamanderskin]

If you're still taking the fall prompts, how about Caleb and colds? Also I love all your fics!!

This took me a little while but I had a great time with it. I always want to write these very angsty things about how Caleb’s training involved no consideration given for things like illnesses, including outright punishment for not being able to master himself, and how that trauma feeds into his terrible self esteem...

... and what comes out is endless fluff where the two clerics make good use of the hot tub and do tag-team caretaking whether he wants them to or not.

......

Caleb is tired. Almost too tired to stamp the snow off of his boots and unlace them. The Mighty Nein all fell through the portal from the North in varying states of snow-soaked and shivering, but that last burst of magic to get them through has really taken it out of him. 

He slowly removes his coat and hangs it before the fire, contemplates if he has enough magic to dry his clothes or if he'll need to undress. Probably not, he thinks. He's right out of spells, they all are. There's something else though. He feels the tiredness down into his bones, coupled with a tight, tingly feeling in sinuses which doesn't bode well. It isn't a sore throat, yet, and he isn't congested, yet, but he resents it all the same. Giving into that feeling never leads to anything good. 

The floorboards outside his room creak sharply and he starts as if he has done something wrong.

He turns his head and has to clear his throat before he speaks. "Hallo?" 

It's Caduceus Clay with a sweater on and a smile. "I'm warming up the hot tub. After the day we've had I think everyone should get in."

"Oh, nein-" leaves Caleb's lips before he can really think about it. When he's tired like this it's easier just to answer no to everything. Easier than considering the options. He'd been trying to fight the habit, these people are his friends after all, but he doesn't have the effort for it tonight. 

"It'll do you good." Caduceus presses. "You're still freezing." 

Caleb can feel the firbolg scrutinising him, and resents it. 

"I think I'll just go to... b… bed-" He stops and manages to turn his whole body away before he sneezes, sharp and painful. "huhhCHshh!"

Caduceus doesn't manage to look testy, not exactly, but his eyebrows arch up to get lost under his hair and he puts his hands on his hips. It's concerning how much he manages to look like Jester. 

"Is that a cleric thing?" Caleb wonders aloud.

"What?"

"Never mind. Okay. I'll come down in a minute." 

"That's the spirit." Caduceus smiles.

…..

Entering the spa room, the steam smacks him the face. It makes his nose trickle and he immediately has to sneeze. It sounds harsh and unmistakable against the tiled walls. 

"Oh, bless you Caleb!"

That's Jester, out of the tub and wearing a fluffy white bathrobe. Caduceus is in the water, leaning so that Jester can sit on the lip of the bath and brush his hair. They look like two bright gems against the pale mist rising from the water. Caleb feels very plain by comparison, especially when his nose drips. He tries to sniffle as politely as he can, but he's left his handkerchief in the pocket of his coat and the next moment he has to- "hetPSch!-Ptssch!-ht''PSCHuh!" 

"Cay-leb!" Jester frowns at him accusingly.

"Ah, entshuldigung. Excuse me." 

"That's not- never mind. Come in and get warm."

The seconds between getting naked and getting in the water make him feel excruciatingly vulnerable, both to their gazes and to the damp air, but getting in the water is amazing. It's hot enough to make him wince, hot enough to make his chilled extremities tingle painfully. He draws a steady breath to wait for it to pass and feels the heat and relaxation wash over him like a hug. It's wonderful.

"Okay, this was a very good idea." He says to Caduceus. His voice sounds crackly and a little congested, even to him. Caduceus hums agreement as Caleb sinks down into the water up to his chin.

He is still for a while, just breathing. He watches Jester's hands in Caduceus' hair, gathering it into a long and complicated braid which she then curls up onto his head like a cinnamon bun. He feels a twinge of jealousy; it's been a while since anyone has played with his hair. Jester would, if he asked, Caduceus would too, he knows, but they are so absorbed in each other that he doesn't want to break the moment.

Unfortunately that's exactly what he is forced to do. He presses the back of his wrist against his nose and takes slow steadying breaths, his expression going vague and itchy until he sneezes again. He manages to repress it almost nothing but it still makes the water in the tub slop, and two cleric heads turn to stare at him.

"Entschuldigung." He murmurs, tries to shrug it off, spasms forward again. “Hah –ngkt!” 

"Oh dear, Caleb, you really sound like you have a cold coming."  Jester says, and turns to Caduceus, "Don't you think he's getting sick?"

"He was sneezing earlier too." Caduceus confirms, thoughtful.

Neither of those things are a crime or an indictment of character, but Caleb still sinks back into the water and hopes the heat of it will over his blush. 

Jester narrows her eyes. "It was pretty snowy out there, and it's only gonna get colder when we go further north. Do you think we should get Caleb a warmer coat? And maybe there's some kind of magical item to give him more endurance?" 

"Yeah I think that's a good idea." Caduceus nods. 

Caleb lowers himself until only his eyes are visible and pretends not to exist as the two clerics discuss him. He knows he has the constitution of a wet dish towel, particularly compared to Jester's astonishing strength, but he can do without the reminder. He tilts his head back until the water laps into his ears, mercifully muffling any further conversation. 

He can't hold his breath forever and surfaces with an undignified splutter. 

"Well, have you decided what to do with me?" Caleb hates the cold, closed-off edge on his voice but he can't seem to help it. He hates this. 

The answer surprises him- Caduceus reaches from beside him and gathers Caleb's dripping hair from his eyes, smooths it back from his face in one tender gesture. Jester places what can only be called a smooch on the top of his head. 

"Oh, just keep an eye on you." Jester says.

"Try to make things easier for you." Caduceus adds.

"Make a fuss of you," Jester finishes.

There's that blush again and a tight feeling creeping up from his gut and into his throat. It's something like panic. This is all wrong. This isn't how getting sick goes. 

Caleb wants to protest that he doesn't need any of that, that he isn't worth any of that. He wants to ask "why?" but realises that they might answer in all sincerity and he doesn't think he can stand to hear the answer just yet. So he says nothing. Swallowing makes him cough but someone's hand is there rubbing at his back to ease him through it. It really does help. 

"Do you think you can handle that?" Caduceus continues, big almond-shaped eyes shining in the low light of the spa.

"I-". Caleb just nods. "Ja. Okay. I'll try." 

[bytheangell]

ELLE! I have a prompt. "I never wanted for you to find out like this!" (Maybe friends to boyfriends, make it angsty, you're the angst queen lmao)

Write the Words I Can’t Speak(Read on AO3)

Magnus Bane is in love with his roommate. He isn’t sure exactly when it happened, but there’s absolutely no denying it, and if left unchecked he’s positive he’ll do something he’ll regret like admit it out loud and ruin their friendship forever. So rather than bottle his feelings up until they explode, Magnus decides to chronicle them in a notebook: a notebook with the sole purpose of writing down every moment he feels overwhelming love for Alexander Gideon Lightwood. A notebook that is quickly running out of space.

He wonders how he got here, sharing an apartment with the person he loves so much he’d do anything for: anything, including suffering in silence through feelings so intense he’s positive they’ll burn him from the inside out one day.

---

Their first year as randomly assigned roommates, Magnus wasn’t even sure he liked Alec as a friend . Alec always seemed uncomfortable around him, especially at the start of the year, and Magnus often wondered if he was simply a bit too much for the other boy who preferred to stay in or work out during his free time than go out to parties or have anything even vaguely resembling fun.

Back then, Magnus wondered if Alec had a problem with him being bisexual. He kept his relationships out of the dorm was much as possible because whenever Magnus brought dates around Alec either left, or grew very withdrawn. About halfway through their Freshman year he brought it up to Isabelle. Though she was a year younger than them she skipped a grade in High School, and started college at the same time as her older brother. She was around often enough and the two of them got along pretty well - if Alec had a problem with him he thought that Izzy might be the sort of person who would be honest with him. But when he brought it up to her halfway through their freshman year, all she did was laugh. “Why would Alec have a problem with you being bi when he’s--” but she cut off abruptly and frowned. “Listen, he doesn’t have a problem with that, I promise.”

All that did was leave Magnus with the fear that, if it wasn’t that , it was just something about his personality that Alec hated. He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something keeping them from being better friends.

Izzy must’ve said something to Alexander, because the next day Alec nervously approached him about it, apologizing profusely for ever giving him the impression that he had a problem with Magnus’ sexuality. He swore up and down that it was nothing like that. In fact, he didn’t have a problem with anything about Magnus. None of that explained the way he acted the first half of the year they were roommates, but ever since they cleared the air that day things between them grew infinitely easier.

Perhaps a bit too easy.

Once Magnus didn’t feel like he had to hide around Alec, once they both relaxed into themselves around one another, they fit together like they were made for one another. It was a gradual shift, from roommates to friends. Magnus spent more nights in watching movies with Alec. Alec occasionally went out with him to a party now and again, especially when their friend Simon’s band played.

The summer after that first year, Magnus missed seeing Alec every day much more than he thought he would. They would text pretty regularly, and FaceTime at least once a week, but it never felt like enough. When they came back Sophomore year they were inseparable, the transition from friends to best friends undeniable. Once or twice Magnus thought he caught something there between them - something more . A look, a lingering touch, usually at a party after a few drinks or during walks home from downtown on the weekends. But it always ended with Alec quickly saying something to fill the silence or physically distancing himself, and Magnus could take a hint. It was just a silly crush, he told himself. He’d get over it.

Except he didn’t. He dated on and off, but none of them were the person he wanted to spend his time with the most. Most of the relationships didn’t last very long, and even more didn’t manage to reach the ‘relationship’ stage at all, stuck on one night stands or friends-with-benefits. His best friend held his heart, and once Magnus found he couldn’t deny that simple fact to himself any longer he almost told him on more than one occasion. He almost ruined everything too many times to be comfortable with.

That’s when he got the idea for the notebook. It remained unmarked, and he strategically left the first handful of pages blank. He made the first entry their sophomore year while Alec slept in his twin bed, legs hanging over the edge, mere feet away from where Magnus sat at his standard-issue wooden desk and began to write.      1. I cannot believe how adorable his snoring is. I almost can’t fall asleep without it anymore.

He looks so peaceful like this, and I hope he could feel this sort of serenity for the rest of his life.

  He closed the notebook quickly and tucked it under several others in his desk drawer, not knowing then how many times he’d revisit it in the months to follow.

Over the summer after Sophomore year Alec came out to him as gay. Besides his sister, Magnus is the only other person he told, doing so over a tearful phone call at 1 am one night. Magnus got in his car and drove the 6 hours between them through the night just to talk in person about it. A selfish part of him hoped that maybe this changed things - that perhaps this gave him the sort of chance with Alec that he stopped hoping for long ago. But a well-meant “I don’t know what I’d do without a friend like you through all of this” brought him crashing back to reality.

Alec needed him as a friend. As a confidant. As support. And if Magnus tried to make a move and ruined that friendship, he’d never forgive himself. The moment he arrived home after the 6 hour drive back he added pages of new entries to his Alec Notebook, starting with:

  He’s so strong, and so much braver than he gives himself credit for. He could take on the world if he only believed in himself half as much as I believe in him.

I wish he could see himself the way I see him. I wish he knew the way he lights up the world around him with just a smile, or a kind word. He deserves to know. I wish I could tell him.

  There were smudges on some of the pages from the occasional stray teardrop, and more and more often Magnus stopped to wonder if this was hurting him more than helping.

And when he fell asleep every night for the rest of that summer, he imagined himself drifting off to the sound of Alec’s snores.

---

Alright, Magnus thinks, so perhaps he knows exactly how he got here. Now that they’re in their Junior year he and Alec share an off-campus apartment. Magnus already knows he’ll miss the sound of Alec’s snores from their shared room, as the apartment has two bedrooms, one for each of them. It also has a proper kitchen and not just a microwave in a dorm. They’re celebrating this by cooking a full three-course meal now that everything is moved in and unpacked, except Alec somehow manages to get more foot on himself than in the mixing bowl.

Magnus laughs as he reaches up to pull a stray sprig of parsley from his hair, and their eyes lock as Magnus’ fingers catch in the slight curls. Magnus freezes, the smile straining on his face but not leaving, even as he watches Alec’s laugh drop into a look of mild mortification before he can control it to something more neutral. Magnus keeps the smile on his face as he excuses himself to the bathroom, allowing his heart to break in private for a minute or two before having to face Alec again. When he comes back out the mood shifts, and it’s all his fault. He can barely enjoy their dinner full of small talk about classes and the goddamn weather .

He needs to stop this.

Magnus withdraws, trying not to show any unnecessarily affection towards Alec so that he won’t notice again. If he can’t stop the feelings he can at least be less obvious about them. Except Alec notices that , and one day while Magnus is going out of his way to avoid him (because he’s growing stubble now and it’s so goddamn attractive when he smiles and the hairs pull around the curve of his lips and--) Alec asks him what he did to make him mad at him.

“Nothing,” Magnus says. “I’m not mad at you.” He sighs, muttering under his breath as he walks away. “I could never be mad at you. That’s the problem.”

But after that Alec pulls away, too. They have their moments, and they’re never unfriendly towards one another, but something changes after that first night. In the weeks that follow it feels like every time Magnus is home, Alec has somewhere to be. Classes. Work. Nights spent over at Izzy’s. He doesn’t fault him for any of it - all it took was one slip-up to ruin everything and he only has himself to blame.

They’re a month into the semester when Magnus gets a call on his way home from class.

“Magnus? So, uh, good news and bad news. Bad news, a pipe burst on the floor above us. Good news, we’re covered to replace anything damaged. But I think a lot of your books got damaged, the worst of the leak was in your room.”

“Of course it was.”

“I”m going to see what I can salvage - I know you hand-write all your notes in class. Hopefully some of them are still readable.”

Magnus can tell from the tone of Alec’s voice that it’s probably a lost cause, but he’s trying. “Thanks. I’ll be back in a few to help.”

It isn’t until he hangs up and walks another two blocks that the realization hits him that Alec is about to go through his desk.

His notebooks .

He tries to call him back but there’s no answer. Magnus breaks into a run, sprinting the rest of the way back to the apartment as fast as he can.

It isn’t fast enough.

Magnus freezes in the doorway of his room at the sight of Alec, sitting in the middle of a pile of water damaged books and papers, with a notebook in his hands. The notebook. When Alec looks up his eyes are wide, and a look of guilt passes over his features immediately.

“I didn’t mean to-- I was just seeing what wasn’t too damaged to still read, and-”

“Fuck.”

“Magnus, I-”

“Fuck!” Magnus feels like his entire world is crumbling around him. “I never wanted for you to find out like this!” His voice is shaking. “I never wanted you to find out at all. That was the whole fucking point.”

“It’s fine! Magnus, listen-”

“It isn’t fine. I’m so sorry, Alexander.” Even as he says it he’s backing out of the room. He can’t be here. He can’t do this. “I’m sorry.” He repeats before turning and leaving the apartment just as quickly as he ran in.  

Magnus ignores his phone when it rings in his pocket, as well as the subsequent buzzing of several text messages. He makes it three blocks before Alec catches up to him.

“Magnus, stop . Please.”

Magnus stops walking, but he doesn’t turn around. It doesn’t matter, because when Alec catches up to him he circles around to face him.

“That notebook… those weren’t all about…”

“You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you? Yes. They were about you. They were all about you. I thought if I wrote it all down I wouldn’t do something stupid like say any of it out loud, or want to sit too close when we watch movies, or-”

“-almost stop to play with my hair while we cook?” Alec finishes for him.  

Magnus winces. “You trusted me to be there for you as a friend. Now I ruined it.”

Alec falls quiet, before offering slowly: “...and what if I want you here as more than a friend?”

“What?” “I don’t have anything quite as impressive as a notebook full of reasons I like you, but I’m sure I could if you give me a few days. I’m a fast writer.”

“Alec, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I like you, too. I was trying to say that back in the comfort of our apartment instead of out on the street in front of a bunch of strangers, but you really didn’t leave me a lot of options.” Alec glances around them but remains resolved.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Magnus can’t quite believe this is actually happening.

“Why didn’t you?” Alec counters.

They both fall silent at that. After a few moments the nervousness fades, replaced by the start of a smile on Alec’s face that Magnus mirrors, heartbeat pounding in his chest.

“So now what?” Magnus asks once he trusts his voice again.

“First we should probably deal with the water damage,” Alec reluctantly suggests. “But then dinner… maybe a movie?”

Magnus imagines all the times he wanted to curl up on the sofa around Alec, sharing popcorn under a blanket. He imagines dinner at their table with a candle lit between glasses of wine. He imagines everything he tried so hard to keep himself from wanting the past two years, all suddenly within his reach.

“I’d like that.”Alec laces their fingers together as they turn to head back to the apartment - back home . And just maybe, Magnus continues to hope, he might get to fall asleep to the sound of Alec’s snores again sometime soon.