#i never get chances to so when i do i just....TALK A LOT LOLLLL

[theyellowhue]

"Kim will always choose Chay's safety" that line got me thinking. A lot of fics write Porsche hating Kim for what he did to Chay, but I don't think that's how Porsche would respond. I agree he'd definitely be upset at first, Protective Big Brother after all, but I don't think he'd hate Kim. Even after everything Kinn put Porsche through, Porsche never hated him. He was angry sure, but never hated I believe. If anything, I think the Protective Big Brother alarm bells will go off in Porsche's head. We know Kim isolated himself quite some time ago, which common sense tells us is not a healthy lifestyle. And it's not exactly like Kim has a good support system of ppl who will reach out and help. Hatred isn't in Porsche's nature, kindness is. Keep in mind, Porsche lied to Chay too, and for the same reason, to keep Chay safe. And that's another thing Porsche and Kim have in common: they both tried and failed to keep Chay away from the Mafia World.

I think once Kim is given a chance to explain his side, Porsche will understand. While Kim may have isolated himself, I think we can agree that he doesn't want his brothers dead. And he's noticed and been keeping track of suspicious activity, and Porsche suddenly getting hired the way he was would definitely fall under that category. After all, there are always ppl out to kill Kinn. Porsche being part of some plot to get close to Kinn to kill him is pretty reasonable to think honestly from Kim's pov and from a general Mafia World pov. And well, as harsh as it sounds, Kim getting close Chay to try and get info on Porsche is actually pretty normal and expected of someone who was raised in the Mafia World, not the Regular World. And honestly, the way Kim approached Chay is pretty tame for someone raised in the Mafia World. He could've easily been way more cruel. Bc another important detail about Kim (and the entire Theerapanyakul family really), is that they weren't born cruel. They were forced to be by the Mafia World they were raised in. They had to be to survive. But I don't think cruelty is truly innate for any of them or truly what they want to be. (Ngl I also have some thoughts about ppl saying Porsche hates Vegas. Again I don't believe Porsche can really hate anyone. Be angry and dislike someone? 100%. But I think his thoughts and feelings about Vegas are more grey and complicated than what a lot ppl make them out to be but anyways we're talking about Kim rn)

I feel like Porsche would actually try and adopt Kim as another baby brother, much to Kim's confusion and (initial) refusal. I think Porsche would actually try and find a way to help Kim learn how to communicate his feelings (not just for Chay but in general as well) as well as help him with his isolation struggle. And bc Chay was raised by Porsche, I don't think he hates Kim either. Angry? Hurt? Sad? Confused? All of the above and then some? Absolutely. But not hate. Hatred isn't in Porsche's nature, and he raised Chay. Hatred isn't in Chay's nature. Any chance of Kim and Chay getting together will take time and effort but I do believe it's possible.

(Your recent Kim post got my KinnPorsche brain rolling and felt like I'd share lollll)

I really am not a Kimhant apologist but thats only because he made Chay cry. Honestly, i could sympathize with Kim. He wanted something outside of the gore and violence of what his family name could bring him. He probably moved out of the main house the moment it was legal to detach himself from the family business. But try as he may, he still does care about his brothers, oh how Kim does care. For the short screen time we had with Kim, he showed great character development especially when its about Chay.

WIK was the charismatic idol persona that Kim has curated for the public while Kim is aloof, standoff-ish, and rude. then comes Porchay, little ball of beaming smiles and innocent eyes who, at their first tutoring session, declared that he loves ALL sides of Kim.

Kim's character has just so many layers because Kim broke Chay's heart to protect Chay, to keep him from the dangers that his family name brings. He sacrificed his greatest happiness because he cant be certain he can protect Chay. Thats why when the Daemi sequel got leaked where apparently Kim hurt Chay, i saw red. Kimhant didnt just give up Chay to keep him safe just for Kim to force himself of Chay. absolute bullshit. i refuse to acknowledge Kim's character assassination

i understand your perspective on Porsche's reaction and honestly i could see that. we dont have enough canon material between Porsche and Kimhan to know how they would react but in my headcanon, Big Brother Porsche would definitely not like Kim at first. Porsche worked long enough under the Theerapanyakuls to know how that family works and he probably has heard rumors about Kim. Chay would call him a hypocrite when Porsche is literally sleeping with the mafia leader himself and Porsche would go on a "do as i say and not as i do" tirade but i think he would warm up to Kim when he sees that Kim is a shade lighter of red compared to his boyfriend and make himself Kim's honorary big brother and teach him healthy communication skills and good relationship advice.

tldr, still not gonna define myself a kimhant apologist but i do acknowledge that Kimhant would first impale himself on a sword and ever knowingly hurt Chay (unless its for safety reasons)

[seekingthestars]

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND, MR LEE SEOKMIN omg yes :DDDD

there are lots of rambles and pictures and links so. under the cut! :D

First! Before I ramble! This is a very cute interview he did for Get In The Car in July of last year! almost 11 minutes of him being a whole entire sun, bless okay now onwards to my rambles!

His birth name is Lee Seokmin, stage name is DK / Dokyeom. Birthday is February 18, 1997 (and fun fact, he shares a birthday with Vernon! same day, different year. they are the 218 bros c: picture below is from their birthday livestream this year!) He's a member of the Vocal Unit and is main vocal, a member of BSS (BooSeokSoon, a subunit with Seungkwan, DK, and Hoshi / i also believe he's leader of BSS!), and member of svt's 97 line with Mingyu and THE8/Xu Minghao (HEY BUDDY from Semicolon is a 97 line song!). and he has an older sister (three years older i believe)!

He debuted as a musical actor in 2019 in the musical Xcalibur in the lead role as King Arthur! He was also on King of Masked Singer as "Baby Demon" and made it to the third round 💪

He's VERY LOUD LOLOLOL this is a fun story, but they were at a music show during Don't Wanna Cry era and BAP was in the waiting room next to them. DK was practicing his part for the live ("If I cry now, I may never see you again") over and over stupid early in the morning and Daehyun from BAP sent them a voice message going "STOP CRYING!!!!!" also I think I read somewhere that he collects headphones? and he has a really big collection of them!

Dokyeom is a PURE RAY OF SUNSHINE, just absolute sunshine in a bottle, he is the most adorable 🥺 the members call him pure, he's just a huge sweetheart 😭 during the online concert they had in January, there was a part during encore where they played a recording of fans singing svt's special song "us, again" to them, and Dokyeom just CRIED so much, Dino and DK were the only ones who cried, sweet boys, they made me cry 😭

He loves dogs!!! He loves doggos so much 😭💘 this video compilation is svt with dogs, but 70% of it is DK, it's so freaking cute i wanna perish, he loves doggos and doggos love HIM

his favorite food is PIZZA. the boy LOVES PIZZA. he had his own pizza-making vlive, he talks about pizza all the time, he just loves pizza. in US/English interviews he has taken to introducing himself as "Pizza Boy" and/or that time in that one Buzzfeed interview when he goes "HI MY FAVORITE FOOD IS PIZZA" and forgets to introduce himself, LOVE HIM. (both of those clips are in previous linked video!!) (and did you notice his birthday cake in that picture was PIZZA SHAPED)

more fun facts, Jeonghan recently adopted a pet rock (named Doljjong) and the rest of the members were like. teasing him mercilessly for it. but dokyeom, the SUNSHINE BEAM OF A HUMAN BEING, went to visit it and took pictures with it, and then BOUGHT HIS OWN PET ROCK, he named it Dodol, i love him

pictured here are DK with Jeonghan's pet rock and then the first picture of his own pet rock, Dodol

i now include this picture of Jeonghan visiting Dodol specifically bc you can see DK keeps Dodol on a shelf with a collection of?? little fake dogs/dog figurines?? which is somehow SO DOKYEOM and also very endearing, i told you he loves doggos 😭💘

OH also to go along with him being LOUD, he's also a bit of a scaredy cat 😂 (no judgement, me TOO) the members can and have referenced this one exact moment several times since it's happened, but it's iconic, you must see (clip set to start at beginning of the sequence for context, but the exact moment is ~6:40!) See also: Going Seventeen 2020 ep 28 The Tag #2 (dk and s.coups going into a ~haunted house~ together, that's full chaos 😂)

also apparently bad at video games, see Going Seventeen 2020 ep 29/30 Christmas In August #1 & #2 lol

Hoshi started his whole "horanghae" agenda two years ago as a special way to say "i like you"/"i love you" to fans and now every member has their own version and Dokyeom's is "doahae!"

^^^^^ ilu from the vocal team ❤️

He's also one of the members who posts on weverse a fair amount and his posts are either ridiculous and funny or like. stUPIDLY SWEET and so endearing 😭💘

like for example this one time he posted a couple of pics and was like "my hair is couch-colored........"

bless his face

also this boy is so fine and fOR WHAT 😭 i cry about this. a lot.

Some miscellaneous DK videos i will link bc i can!!! : DK being an archery master at ISAC 2019 and only hitting 10pts and also knocking out the bullseye camera // that time Jeonghan went live the same time as him and he sulked about it // DK's high tone rap is legendary

And some DK covers/OST songs! She Didn't Love Me / Missed Connections / The Little Prince

And lastly, random, but he has a Spotify playlist of favorite songs you can listen to ^^

ANYWAY THERE'S SOME INFO ABOUT RESIDENT SUNSHINE BEAN DOKYEOM, SORRY FOR ME JUST RANTING ALL THIS INFORMATION AT YOU BUT. HE'S A DARLIN'.

❤️@koalamb

[vexedtonightmares]

hey :) do you mind sharing some more about the skam austin panel today?

yeah for sure!! i’ll put what i remember under the keep reading tab for ppl who wanna hear about it :) i only went to the panel, not the rewatch (bc money lmao) so there are probably some other things they talked about that i missed, but i’m sure there are other ppl on here that can fill you in on any gaps that i miss!

it was valeria (jo), julie (megan), and lakeisha* (shay), and pedro (p jo) on the panel (he was the moderator, the other three did most of the talking), though they did mention other castmates throughout :,) 

*lakeisha was the name they went by on the panel, and in the info before the panel it said they use they/them pronouns, so that’s how i’ll be referring to them throughout this 

all of them started out by talking about what they’re doing currently, julie said she’s dropping out of school because her therapist told her “you as a person matters more than you as a student” which i thought was a great sentiment as well 

lakeisha said they’ve been making a lot of clothes and music (also throughout the whole thing they kept showing us their shoes and they left to pee like halfway through something they were answering one time hfjskaj)

they then talked about their audition processes (val had the most chaotic series of audtions omg i would love to see her audition tapes)

val originally read for either jo or megan, and she had literally just moved there like right before casting and almost didn’t go to her audition

she said that she decided to be the loudest person in the room so that they couldn’t ignore her, and that carried her through most of the rounds of auditioning

she said that at the end she said “if you don’t choose me, which you should choose me, but if you don’t, please choose another latinx actress because you have no idea how much it means to see someone who looks like you on screen”

julie auditioned because she was hoping julie (andem) would bring lisa and tarjei and she basically wanted a free meet and greet djkfshk 

she found out about skam og on tumblr !! she’s one of us 😌 

she thinks julie andem is the coolest person in the world 

they told her that she was pretty much everything they envisioned megan to be, so they cast her fairly early on and then had her partner with the marlon prospects 

giovanni, who eventually played tyler, auditioned for marlon and they kissed during their audition even though they weren’t supposed to

julie went to high school with till who ended up playing marlon and people would always ask her what it was like to get to make out with him and she was just like .... we just working bruh

lakeisha found the ad to audition on instagram and decided why not because it said it was a paid job 

they looked up a bunch of improv games the night before because they had no experience and had no idea what they were doing

in the audition julie asked what the tattoos on their hand meant (and also the one thing lakeisha was excited about being out of contract was that they could get as many tattoos as they wanted without asking for permission)

they all had a lot of love for julie andem and loved working with her

val said that she’d always try to make julie laugh and she said that julie is the reason og and austin are so good, because it’s her story and her vision 

they roasted the shit out of fb too (as they should)

basically fb ghosted them and never renewed the show but also never cancelled it so technically they don’t even know if anyone else could get the rights to reboot the show somewhere else (lakeisha said ‘skam austin onlyfans’ lmao)

i don’t remember which one of them said it but they said fb is like an inconsistent dad lollll

they also think that fb sort of finessed julie/her team because they were under the impression that it would be like og where they had their own website for the show and everything, but then it ended up just being a facebook page

they also filmed promo for season 1 that never ended up being used but they don’t know why 

lakeisha felt super disrespected by the fact that not only did they not get their season, but also the fact that they just dropped the show like it was nothing and none of them even found out that they probably weren’t getting more seasons until they saw that their instagram accounts were gone

everyone was upset about the igs getting deleted too because they put so much work into the content on there for it all to just disappear 

val said “no one tells a story like the one that was about to be told” and everyone agreed

val said that if the show would have continued, jo would have been undocumented and they would have shown her trying to navigate college (not only were we robbed of a jo season, we were robbed of college seasons 😤)

jo x jo were definitely going to be a thing

val said that when they wrapped s2 she was like finally!!! because now they could get into the stories that they really wanted to tell and really knew would make a difference (everyone vehemently agreed)

they were proud of the fact that they’re the most diverse cast and that they don’t just treat the characters of color like sidekicks like the other remakes do

julie talked about how skam france was the only remake to have jonas not accept isak right away when he was coming out and how it was suspicious that he happened to be the only non white jonas and that was the choice they made

val said that druck is the only remake she’s watched but she likes it

they also talked about how, even though it’s great that the cast was so diverse, practically everyone behind the scenes was white

val said that she didn’t really think about it much at the time because she found it hard to speak up since she was very young and inexperienced but looking back she wishes jo’s body wasn’t so fetishized as a latina (she didn’t clarify whether she was talking on a production level or within the fandom, but she talked about costuming so i assumed she meant more on a production level)

they all wished there was more representation off screen as well as on

shay x megan was brought up and julie said that shay was going to have her own love interest (am!even !!!!) come season three, and that it wouldn’t have been megan 

she also said that megan was mostly just confused and like ‘haha i kiss girls when i’m drunk’ but then she also said that megan and shay never had feelings for each other at the same time so 👀 

she was upset that they made megan and marlon get back together at the end of season 2 because she wasn’t a fan of them together, but she said it also makes sense because a lot of teen girls go back to their toxic exes even when they know it’s not good for them

lakeisha said that they hated shay’s acrylic nails because it didn’t make sense to them for her to have them (especially since shay was a musician)

they also said that they’ve been pretty confident and open with their sexuality since they were around 12, and that one time in middle school they dated a boy because he had an xbox and then they were like oh no is this toxic am i using him because he actually has feelings for me?? hdskafja 

they also said that the cfgc music happened because they heard that the boys from og also had a song and at first i was like wtf are they talking about but now i think they meant the penetrator song 💀💀 

julie has a cfgc shirt :,) and they all stole a bunch of clothes and stuff from set, val said she took a bunch of outfits that jo never wore which makes her sad to think about now 

val’s favorite scene to film was the car scene in s1 before the party (she said it was one of the best moments of her life) and julie said she liked that one as well (val said there’s a shot of her looking into the camera and flipping it off but they didn’t include it in the show, i feel robbed)

people asked how it felt for lakeisha to be the first lesbian isak and they said that they didn’t feel like they were, because they didn’t really get the chance :(( but they also said that the idea itself was very intimidating and there was a lot of pressure around it

they also said that they and gio were very very close both on screen and off, they said it wasn’t even like they were an extension of one person, that’s how close they got

there were a lot of improvised scenes, particularly with val, and she also said that incorporating spanish into jo’s dialogue was mostly improvised 

julie, val, and pedro also all talked about how they’re all mexican, and how each of their life experiences vary so much from one another, on the show and off and julie said megan’s upbringing was a lot like hers 

they all also said that they liked the music the show used and a lot of them have emotional attachments to a lot of the songs 

val said she wishes they used more frank ocean and i agree 

they also said they’re not sure if there are bloopers or anything, but they’d love to see them if there are 

i’m trying to think of anything i missed ahhh i feel like they talked about so much but i think i’ve got the key points soooo

that’s all !!! hope this was interesting to ppl who still care about austin like i do :,))

[katoodlez]

uwu meter exploded and i ate dinner at 2am after watching this aka the sam and bucky show episode 5

The new episode was sO goOd omg tbh i didnt think i was gonna be able to watch it last night and i legit cried. But i did and i am very very thankful. Because it was a very very good episode. But before we start stOP reAdING cuz theres gonna be MASSIVE SPOILERS IN THIS POST.

Alrighty without further delay, the Sam and Bucky show episode 5 and all its best things (there are a lot, to no one’s surprise). Im gonna go in chronological order to avoid losing my mind.

1. The fight in the beginning. Omg. Walker looked like he was gonna do both Sam and Bucky in with the shield like 6 times and it was lowkey scary. And when Walker knocked bucky into the electric tower or whatever it was— skdjfjs i saw some people post abt Sam’s glare mid battle like “if this is sam looking at walker after he hurt bucky” anD IT ACTUALLY WAS marvel why.

2. Walker ripped Sam’s wings off omg. That was so brutal i audibly gasped. I think we’ve seen the wings being shot at or broken but never ripped clean off. 0 _ 0

3. I like how the fight ended with all three of them on the ground and the shield just lying there. And then Bucky picked it up, left it for Sam and left. Walker was defeated but it kinda shows how Sam still wasn’t sure about the shield, he just knew in that moment that Walker absolutely couldn’t be the one to have it. I feel like that fight scene really conveyed how all of them felt about the shield and it was done really well. (Ok but on a side note, remember in episode 2 when Sam was like “bruh we cant just run up on the man, beat him up and take it?” I guess they went with that plan after all)

4. TORRES MY BELOVED. He’s back and I’m so happy 🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i love how he’s not afraid to give Bucky sass lmao.

5. WHEN SAM TOLD TORRES TO KEEP THE WINGS. listen i havent read the comics but i know what happens in them and Torres is such a Falcon fanboy omg if he’s gonna be the new falcon im gonna be so happy for him ahhHhHh

6. Sam’s conversation with Isaiah Bradley. Man. I’m really really happy that we have that scene. The scene with Isaiah in episode 2 left me reallly uneasy because it ended on a really bad note with unfinished and unsaid things between Sam, Bucky and Isaiah. Also Sam didn’t really get to talk at all in that scene and I felt like he def had things he wanted to say. I appreciated how Sam said that he really didn’t get some stuff and he had Isaiah explain more of his backstory. I think Sam believes that things can change, for good reason, and at the same time Isaiah believes that nothing will change, also for a completely fair reason. But having the time to let the two of them talk, esp with the shield in the room and without Bucky’s complicated history was a really well written piece of dialogue. Thank you screenwriters.

7. SARAH WILSON SUPREMACY. I’m glad we got more of Sarah in this episode ahhh. She’s such a caring sister and I’m here for it. Sam and Sarah sibling dynamics also >>>>>

8. Sam calling in the favors to help fix the boat was so heartwarming omg. And Bucky just showing up lmaooo

9. Bucky flirting with Sarah to get on Sam’s nerves LMAOO

10. Sam and Bucky fixing the boat together was something I needed to see. That entire montage, the teamwork and warm lighting and akskdjajd my heart 🥺🥺💕💕💕

11. Bucky waking up to Sam’s nephews playing with the shield reminded me of the Black Panther end credits scene but also of that one scene in Wandavision with Pietro and wanda’s kids lollll

12. Sarah asking Sam if he’s gonna let Isaiah tell him what to do and then Sam asking/telling Bucky to stop letting others, even Steve, tell him who to be was just. Skdkfjaod. The character conversations in this episode ahHhh

13. On that note, Sam and Sarah having a chance to talk about themselves, their boat and their family was just amazing. They’re fighting to keep their history and also understanding each other at the same time.

14. Sarah telling sam that there’s the fight out there and then theres the fight in here is so special. It in a sense reflects/applies to not only Sam and Sarah’s relationship and struggles, but it also applies to Sam and Bucky’s relationship and struggles esp with Steve and the shield’s legacy, Bucky’s history as the Winter Soldier and all the weight he carries with it. They gotta sort out the inside stuff before getting into the thick of what I’m sure will be the final battle next week as superheroes in the face of the world.

15. On that note. Sam and Bucky finally having the chance to talk was so relieving and eye opening for both characters. Bucky finally understanding Sam’s perception of the shield and its weight on his conscience because he is an African American representing his people and Sam finally understanding a more personal side of Bucky’s relationship with/perception of the shield feels like a knot in their friendship that has been resolved. The development in this show is just through the roof omg.

16. Okay but Bucky talking about how Steve told him about the plan to give Sam the shield... wkerjkakdja I feel like that makes Endgame’s ending a little better 😭😭😭

17. Shield training shield training shield training ahhhHhHhHhh i swear whenever either sam or bucky touched the shield in this episode i started physically vibrating LOL. Its so cool to see the shield in the hands it’s supposed to be in again ☺️☺️ Sam’s training montage with the shield was also AMAZING omg it was so so cool to watch him grow with the skills

18. Not Sam asking Bucky if he has nightmares and talking to him about amends and stuff skdjfjskd lowkey Sam is the superior therapist in this show and he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for it aksjdjskdjajd. Also the implication that Bucky will go back to Nakajima and give him closure for his son I— 😭😭

19. Also im so glad the scene where they’re walking away from each other ISNT the last episode. Its sort of like a “we’ll see each other soon” walk : DD

20. Okay but Bucky helping the Wakandans capture zemo at the memorial (which i think is for his family? 😭😭😭) and then the favor that Bucky called in for sam. WHATS IN THE GOSH DARN BOX OMG. i think it’s either new Falcon wings, a vibranium Redwing (please let it be this) or a suit of some kind

21. And lastly what the heck does Sharon wanna kill Sam for?? She workin for the flag smashers now or sumn? Also Batroc coming back when the last time i think we saw him was in CA: Winter Soldier 0 _ 0

Did it take me an hour to write this post? Yes. Did I get everything? No. I dont think I discussed Walker in this post but he was super scary and deranged and Wyatt Russell blew it out of the ballpark in this episode. Also whats the special character that everyone was hyped about? Anyways. Until next week 0 _ 0 season finale and im not ready for it to be over

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[smutty-ki113r]

I will definitely share my experience with you if it makes you feel motivated!!!!!

Now, first of all, it took me a WHILE to finally shift. AND LMFAO THE FIRST TIME I SHIFTED I GOT SCARED AND WENT BACK TO MY CR AND I WAS SO PISSED, but like after a couple more tries I finally was able to shift again and omfg it gave me euphoriaaa I almost didn't want to leave but I love my friends and family in my CR too much.

When I went back to my CR though I was EXHAUSTED, so that's why I recommend taking care of your body and nourishing it correctly before you shift because there's a 99% chance that when you wake up your body will feel like crap if you don't.

The process of shifting was so aggravating, everytime I would try shifting my body would give me the signs that it was working and I would get too excited and just jump up only to be disappointed smhsmh.

Also I have this dumb thing where I always feel like there's tiny things crawling all over me and it always fucks with me when I shift. Even when I'm trying to sleep normally it pisses me off because I'm always feeling likes there's ants on me or some shit.

I honestly don't shift very often, only when I really feel like I want to, because it's really mentally exhausting and when I used to do it often I would end up getting realllyyy depressed when I wasn't in my DR and that's dangerous because I don't want to be obsessed with it and end up damaging myself. So if you do end up shifting, don't do it too often.

Anyway, when I first got into shifting and tried it out, these are things I was doing wrong:

- I wasn't taking care of my body

- I was doubting my abilities in shifting

- I wasn't meditating often

- I wasn't listening to subliminals throughout the day

Listening to subliminals often is importantttt, it helps to really engrave the shifting concept into your mind and meditating is extra important because if you want to shift healthily you're going to have to really give yourself that brain power/strength and clear away all the anxiety you have, the more you doubt your ability the shift the more your brain is going to pass on it.

Also I remember a time I was at a fucking sleepover and I decided to attempt to reality shift AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO MY FRIEND WOKE UP AND SLAPPED ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I DIED I-

It was frustrating.

The process is frustrating, but shifting is possible, and if you really really want to do it then you can. Keep encouraging yourself and keep researching and taking care of your body and your brain will finally get there.

Also, while you're in the process, it's also so important to NOT get distracting while you're shifting or get too excited. It will 100% mess you up. Shifting requires intense concentration and you need your body to be completely relaxed, only think about your DR and ONLY think about what will happen when you get there, will you smell or hear something, or will you open your eyes to something, it all depends on how you script it.

Also do whatever method works for you and try all kinds of methods, me personally I used a combination of the raven method, staircase method, and counting method while using a heartbeat subliminal. It may seem like a lot but it's what worked best for me personally.

Anyways, I hope this helped! ^^

👅

OK I finally have time to respond to this in DETAIL YAY! Btw, thank you so sososoosososs much for taking the time to write this out. Also you don’t have to read any of this, it’s just me talking about it lollll.

First off, UPDATE: bro I wasn’t trying to shift last night and then I was tired (3am) so I tried to sleep but couldnt so I listened to (DO NOT LAUGH ISTG) the song of unhealing cause its calming. And I started hearing this sort of muffled noise, I tried paying attention but couldnt make it out so I think it was voices. And then- holy lord I almost lost- wait no I LOST MY SHIT. I heard knocking, a fucking ACTUAL knock, I fucking. My whole body got so hot and I had to stop cause I was so excited I cried. Then I was exhausted so I went to sleep.

SECONDLY. I’ve never heard of your body being exhausted after so thank you for the tip. I used to be convinced I was there and then I wasn’t. FUCKING ME TOO! I think there’s a fucking dust particle on my arm and then an itch on my neck or something.

I have been scared of that too, because I have had (and I feel horrible saying this but it’s the internet and you dunno who I am) a very rough childhood. Maladaptive daydreaming and just pretending I somewhere else gave me a lot of trauma, especially in really bad situations. I think a huge part of why I haven’t shifted yet is because of the existential crisis I will most definitely have. I already obsess enough over this world, and now I’m trying to go? It’s hard, but I can’t NOT do it. If I stop then I won’t have a goal, and if I’m constantly going for something do I have a purpose? SEE? I can’t help it.

Ok so I’ve been trying for a while too, and I AM COMPLETLY CONFIDENT that I can do it, also that I do meditate every day! Taking care of my body is sort of a lost cause, I refuse to eat fruits and vegetivles (stupid I know) but I used to associate “healthy” foods with my *TW* an*rexia. Now I feed off pasta, also cause it’s cheaper. I sleep at 1 or 2am because why. Because I am 1. Writing and I need to post on schedule 2. Listening to music and imagining that I’m already in my dr. Or doing other unholy things. I can’t stop exercising, so Im constantly tired and heavy, I feel bad if I don’t/ do less. I have tried taking care of myself for years, it’s very, very hard.

You’re so right, I need to get the idea in my head and establish it. HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOURE DOING IT? Do you detach from your body? Or do you melt through your skin?

Hehehe I do tend to get excited, but my good voice tries so hard to hold me down. I have been trying to keep myself concentrated in creative ways, just focusing on the sound of the knocking, or the sound of the fan, or the person I’m trying to get to. The person I will fucking push myself to the edge for because I want him to have someone to love him. I want him to be ok.

I know I can do it, I know it’s possible, I know I will do it. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <3

[avversiera-writes]

‘till death do us part - chapter 7 [tobirama senju/you]

Chapter 7 - Make Him King

Summary: Tobirama gives Hashirama a chance to make it right. Unknowingly, pieces fall into place, pushing Tobirama to finally step up. 

Words: 3.4k

A/N: okay, somewhere in this series, i did say that Hashirama stepped down as Hokage because of his depression, his self-destructing way of gambling and maybe alcholism. I did not accept the fact that Hashirama's death was GLOSSED OVER, so I am slowly making preparations of how to go about it. Depression is serious, and it affects not only you, but the people around you. I hope I did it justice implying it here because you know this is the ninja world, there is no such thing as mental health to them apparently. I also did put in like little easter eggs that most of these characters here suffer a form of ptsd, exacerbated by the situations they are put in, but I will leave it to you to draw conclusions. Maybe it isn't enough, but the lack of evidence can sometimes be telling.

the Senju brothers will make up, they are siblings after all, and they have a really strong bond. these are just tough times.

anyways, get ready for the last chapter LOLLLLS 

cw // VERY SLIGHT knife? blade play??? listen to two weeks by fka twigs when you get to it HEHEHHE

available on AO3. 

<< Chapter 1 - Allegiances // Chapter 2 - Union // Chapter 3 - Love Like You // Chapter 4 - Look to the Horizon // Chapter 5 - Return // Chapter 6 - How to Steal a Crown 

While you dry yourself, Tobirama prepares hot tea and sets up the fireplace just outside the living room to keep the heat going. You settle yourself on Tobirama’s makeshift study in the living room, and study the ledgers he presented to you, and his upcoming plans that the village is gradually adapting. You sip at the hot tea, and thank Tobirama when he puts a thicker blanket on your shoulders and the two of you spend this late hour in silence, going over the papers that Tobirama arranged on the table. 

 “Tobirama, this is all well and good–amazing–really,” you praise him for his plans–they are more than what you can imagine. Tobirama has such an intelligent mind, and each time, he never fails to surprise you. “But, some of these take years and a lot of money to apply.” 

“I know,” Tobirama drones on. 

 “I do not know if the village will hold,” you say, trying to find the right words to express what is on your mind. “Appearance-wise, we are quite strong, but these...are incriminating evidence. Someone is always out there, looking for an in, a weakness, and technically, this is tyranny.” 

 Tobirama nods stoically, and his eyes darken. 

 “If someone usurps your brother’s place unexpectedly,” you begin, but Tobirama finishes your sentence. 

 “Then Konoha is doomed,” he concludes and he meets your eyes. You see sorrow and determination in them, his preparation to do the worst to do good.

 “Everything you have worked for, have fought for, will fall apart,” you affirm. “It is one thing to build these walls and these incredible infrastructures...but we are dust without labor and money and you know this already.” 

 You glance at your husband, wondering why you have to lay out his thoughts for him.

 Tobirama stands up and he starts to pace. 

“Tobirama, you know what to do,” you aver, and you set down the book you are holding. You watch the way his jaw tenses. “What are you waiting for?” 

 Tobirama continues to pace, and you can clearly see the wheels turning in his head. “He will never forgive me for this.” 

 You press your lips together, and you let out a heavy sigh. “Does this count as a coup?” 

 “What?” Tobirama snaps, his eyes getting fiery by the second. “Of course not. We can get a council together and vote. We’re not killing anyone.” 

You sigh in relief. “Well, good. You know you won’t stand a chance against your brother.”

 “I am glad to know that you have such unwavering faith in me,” Tobirama sneers. 

 “Okay, okay, calm down,” you try to pacify him. 

 “Stop joking around,” Tobirama commands. 

You gesture at him to keep going. You begin to fill your cup with tea again, but Tobirama takes the teapot and pours it himself. 

“I froze the village funds temporarily so that I can give back what was taken,” Tobirama says. “But it will not last.” 

 “My students are still in my family’s land,” you begin slowly. “I can write a letter and ask for some money to be delivered, if that can help.” 

 Tobirama nods, and he sighs in relief. “That will help. The other daimyos are still hesitant to loan money, and well, we cannot let the word spread too far.” 

“The daimyos love their money.” You sigh, and see Tobirama crack a small smirk. 

 “Now, obviously, this is a temporary solution,” you facilitate the conversation. “What are you going to do now? These plans...Tobirama, they require proper management and judgement, and from what you have told me, your brother is not up for this.” 

 Tobirama’s forehead knits in frustration. 

 “It is not betrayal,” you reassure him. “He will learn to forgive you with time.”

 “I will give him one more chance to get it together,” Tobirama asserts, but the both of you know well how things are going to go. 

You finally release a breath you have been holding. Things are happening too fast, and too soon. You are not ready to give up your husband for the village, but he is someone who never steps away from responsibility. Not when he has the means to make everything right. You wonder if you are encouraging another storm.

//

Tobirama leaves before lunch, leaving you alone in a messy house that for some reason refuses to make itself habitable. Despite your efforts of moving your stuff in, it still feels empty. For now, you just try to clean what you can without being too exhausted, and you peek into Tobirama’s study, trying to decide if you should touch anything and risk his lecturing about how particular he is about his things. 

You leave it alone for now, and you decide to wander around the house. You observe the garden, and the small pond in the corner, walk on the cobbled stone paths that seem to wind all over the place. The house seems very traditional compared to the small apartment that you used to stay in, that this transition to a bigger house makes you feel so little and vulnerable. You want to fill it up with something, but then you do not want anything unconventional in the house and alienate yourself from it. No, you want something inviting, and warm, a foundation to build a life on. 

 You are not much of a gardener, since you have spent more time holding weapons rather than flowers, but you decide to try your hand on it so that you can fill your time and occupy your mind. You go around the village, looking for simple decorations, and new curtains and bedsheets, seeds of flowers you want to try and raise, and you focus on your self-made tasks. 

While going around the market to shop for dinner ingredients, you spot Hiruzen talking to a lady with light brown hair, who seems to be looking at him, unimpressed, but you can spot the softness around her eyes. You decide to stick around, pretending to mind your own business, to observe what’s up, and when the lady leaves, you decide to approach Hiruzen, whose ears are slightly blushing from the encounter. 

“Hm, who was that?” You ask casually.

 Tobirama’s favorite student starts, and he turns to you, like you caught him red-handed. 

 You raise an eyebrow, and Hiruzen shakes his head, finding no reason to keep this a secret from you. 

“Her name is Biwako, she’s studying to be a medical-nin,” Hiruzen clears his throat. He relieves some of the stuff you are carrying. “How are you and Tobirama-sensei?” 

 You shrug, and you give Hiruzen a playful smile. “But I want to talk about you and Biwako.”

 “Sensei,” Hiruzen protests. 

 “Fine, fine,” you chuckle. 

Hiruzen seems to have grown older, it’s hard to believe that they were just pre-teens when you first met them. Now, he is even getting ready to date and it makes you almost nostalgic. 

 As you two near your home, Hirzuen’s face changes to a more serious one. He seems to be stringing the correct sentences to say. His forehead knits, and lips purse, and you sigh. 

 “Yes?” 

 “Tobirama-sensei met with my father and the other clan leaders,” Hiruzen starts. “Is something...wrong?” 

 You stare ahead as you walk, trying to think about how to go about this. 

“Your sensei will not penalize you for deducing on your own,” you tell him. “For now…” 

You stop short from the gate of your house, sensing a presence in it. 

 “I will take it from here, okay?” You send Hiruzen a reassuring smile, and take your stuff back from him. “I will see you soon.” 

Hiruzen’s puzzled look does not get better, but he does as you say and leaves. You enter your home and find your sister-in-law waiting for you by the engawa. You look around, trying to see if she brought her sons with her or her personal maids, but she is alone. 

 You set the rest of your things on the porch and you gesture inside to let her in. 

 Your heart thuds against your throat. Mito looks refined and elegant as always, and this is emphasized by the fact that the current state of your house is in disarray. You almost feel ashamed, but you note that the air she weaves around you is serious. You are not really sure how to act around her yet, but you remember her kindness towards you before your wedding. 

“I won’t be long,” Mito suddenly says. 

 You nod and avert your eyes as a sign of respect. 

“I know that someday your husband will be Hokage,” Mito folds her hands in front of her. “I did not imagine that it will come so soon, and in this way.” 

 “Tobirama is only trying to help,” you say evenly, but even to you, it sounds lacking and unconvincing.

 “Save your words,” Mito cuts sharply. “I will talk to my husband to step down willingly, if it comes to it.”

You look down at the floor. You hear her move towards the door. 

 “I hope that this does not cause a rift between us,” Mito suddenly says. “I do not hope to alienate you. I think we could be friends, if you choose to act on behalf of friendship. This is my hand being extended to you.” 

You hold your breath until she leaves, and you let it out, feeling the need to sit down. This is why you hated your husband’s politics. It suffocates and it hurts others even if you do not mean to. You wonder how Tobirama does it. He probably finds it fun despite the stress that it brings him. 

 You forget any thoughts of gardening for today and you search for your swords. 

// 

You twist the katana in your hand, slowly forcing the other half of your body to get back to working condition. It is not as flexible as before, but the pain is completely gone, and not even a visible scar is left. Focusing your energy at the point of the blade, you go forward and wind it back to strike at the air. Then, quickly keeping the sword in a straight line, you stab at the air, and your body fluidly follows to flip forward. You let your thoughts pass through you and you deliver them out, like an act of contrition.

 You flip your sword again, your wrist twisting to wind behind your arm behind you back, and you rest your blade on your shoulder blade. 

 Taking a deep breath, you wait for your heartbeat to steady itself. Sweat drops from your temple, from your neck to your chest, and the cool late afternoon that sweeps by immediately provides relief. 

 You feel Tobirama’s presence come up from behind, and you whirl around, unwinding your arm from your back, and you point your sword towards him. 

 Tobirama regards you, his face easing to a more smug expression. 

 You use the flat tip of the katana to tip his chin upwards, and Tobirama’s eyes narrow, anticipating your next move. 

 An inexplicable hunger tears through your body, and you bring your sword down to his chest, tracing lightly at the lines, until it stops short on his collar. The warm afternoon changes, and suddenly, your skin is humming and it flushes with heat. You watch as Tobirama visibly swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. You undo his clothes by cutting the front of his yukata open, revealing his naked and defined torso. 

Biting your lower lip, you lightly press the sharp edge of your blade to the center of his abdomen, drawing blood, and the sight almost makes you light-headed. You do not know what has gotten into you, but it makes you want to drink in Tobirama and get your fill. 

“Everything is arranged,” Tobirama states, and he knocks the blade aside with his palm, catching you off-guard and seizing the moment to his direction. Then, he grabs the blunt edge of the blade and uses it to pull you closer to him. 

Your mouth latches itself to his mouth and you devour him, licking the neck muscle that juts out when he flexes his jaw, and you travel further down, to the base of his chest and suck the blood that you drew out. Your free hand grabs at one of Tobirama’s arms to placate him and prevent him from touching you, and you look up coyly, meeting his fierce eyes. Then, you take the blade to his neck, and regard him from a distance. 

 In this moment and in another Senju household, Mito is talking to Hashirama and she is trying to steal him back from the claws of the demons that live in the shadows of every contrived reality. 

 And you are getting ready to throw your own husband into the fire. 

 “And if it doesn’t work?” You ask, and you meet his eyes levelly. 

Tobirama finally gives the words life. “I will take up the mantle.” 

You lower your sword, your emotions and the pride you feel for him clashing against each other. 

“I haven’t had you for long,” you murmur. 

 Tobirama stands there, unsure of what to make of your comment. “Preposterous,” he snaps. “I’m not dying.” 

 You raise an eyebrow. 

“You understand the responsibilities it demands of me,” Tobirama explains as if you already don’t know. 

 Gods, you have spent so much time fearing for him over it. 

 “Shut up,” you whisper. 

You plant your sword to the ground, and you go to him and you capture his lips into yours. Tobirama’s hands immediately come to your waist, and he returns your kiss with the same fervor. You take his face into your hands, and you relay to him your heart. You open yourself more and more to him, and maybe it is reckless. Maybe you will lose everything, but nothing is set in stone. 

Tobirama presses your body against his aggressively, and he carries you in a swift movement, and lays you down on your back on the engawa. He violently pulls apart your clothing, and rips it off you. His mouth ravishes your neck, the dips of your collarbone. His hands fondle your breasts, and kneads your waist, and you writhe under him, his every touch making you more euphoric by the second. You close your eyes, and you arch your body towards him, yearning for him to take you. 

 You gasp out your want, and he presses a soothing kiss on your collarbone. You hear his breathing, loud and overwhelmed, and then, he fucks you senseless on the wraparound porch of your house. You stifle your screams, as they sound almost guttural, but Tobirama takes your wrists and pins them above your head as he grinds into you at a rapacious pace. He leans over, and kisses you on the lips, insistent and tender, and you let him in, closer, and even closer. 

 Your eyes snap open as Tobirama ruts against you, and your hips and your legs shake from pure ecstasy. You see Tobirama’s eyes, and you feel his desperation and the fight that he has yet to continue inside his mind. 

 You bite Tobirama’s shoulder as you come, and Tobirama fucks you through it, his hips snapping wildly, and you feel him unravel inside you with a growl and you keen, tears involuntary flowing out from your eyes. 

You gasp, as your high continues to make your body spasm–every touch sends jolts of pleasure that wipes your mind white. Tobirama leans over you to cover your body with his, not yet pulling out. He plants light kisses on your temple, your cheekbone and your ear, and he whispers your name, and three words that he always saves for you. 

 Tobirama has only said it once before, but he has said it to you more than anyone has.

Your fingers come up to brush his cheek, and you hold him closer, showing him that you heard him. You feel his fingers clutch your hair, and then he slides his hand under the back of your head. 

 He meets your eyes and you remember him like this, all soft and broken open for you. This is the Tobirama that you have always seen beneath his many and complicated layers. It took a while to pry them apart. You want to hope for the best, but maybe Tobirama’s pragmatism is rubbing off on you. You know that it is simply time. 

You crack a tired smile. “You say the worst things.” 

 The surroundings are dark now, but you can make out the amused expression on his face. “I did say it first.” 

You chuckle, and Tobirama hooks your legs around his waist, and then picks you up by sliding his arms around your back to carry you into the house.

//

The council is gathered in a closed off room somewhere undisclosed in the village. This is a meeting about Konoha’s village funds, and a scare tactic to make Hashirama get his act together. The council filled with the clan leaders are eyeing each other, sensing the tension between the two Senju brothers. 

 Tobirama jots down anything that may be of importance, and when the meeting is adjourned, Hashirama abruptly stands up before anyone else could move. 

 “Alright, what is this?” Hashirama finally demands. 

 “Brother,” Tobirama interrupts. “Do you not mind?” 

 Hashirama seems to have grown his claws around his brother. “I do not like what this council insinuates.” 

The days of fighting are finally weighing on the two of them. 

 Tobirama watches his brother carefully, and he looks down on the paper, unable to read his writing. Technically, they cannot really abdicate him without the presence of the fire daimyo, so he does not know what Hashirama is talking about. This was only supposed to get the village on his back. 

“Fine,” Hashirama snaps. “I quit. You be the Hokage then.”

The room erupts into chaos, and Tobirama stares at his elder brother, aghast. Hashirama storms out of the room, and Tobirama glances at the council, for once, unsure of what to say. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

 Tobirama chases after his brother, and they stop moving once they make it outside. 

 “Elder brother, I beseech you to take back your words,” Tobirama almost sounds pleading. “The village still needs you.” 

 “I single-handedly almost destroyed what we built,” Hashirama almost shouts as he whirls around. “You know well that you are the only one who is capable of leading it, of making the harder decisions I could not make.” 

Tobirama crosses his arms, and he falls silent. The air grows thick with their auras, but it is not to fight with each other. 

 “I do not want to lose anyone else,” Hashirama confesses brokenly. “This village means nothing if…”

Tobirama angrily says, “If Madara is not here? After all this time, you forgive him?” 

 “You and your paranoia towards the Uchiha!” Hashirama shouts back. “He was a member of this village and you actively opposed him!” 

 “I did what I had to do!” Tobirama snaps steely. “For you! For this village!” 

 “Keep telling yourself that!” 

Tobirama shuts his mouth, and he backs off. 

 A breeze passes by, carrying the sound of rustling leaves. 

Tobirama lets out a shaky breath. “Brother, please.” 

 Hashirama turns to walk away, and Tobirama clenches his fists. 

“I need you to be with me on this,” Tobirama begs. 

 Hashirama stops. “You never needed anybody in your life, Tobirama. That’s why our late father left you to your own devices. You do well on your own."

 “Elder brother,” Tobirama protests.

Hashirama turns his head to regard his younger brother. “I will always be there for you. You are my family, but you must remember to thank your wife. I did not give you this seat.”

 Tobirama’s eyes narrow, and he grits his teeth. 

 “She gave you that seat, and now, she will suffer because of you.” Hashirama walks away, leaving a stunned Tobirama. 

He watches his brother’s figure disappear in the distance, and an impossible weight places itself on his shoulders. He looks to the sky, but it does not grant any reprieve, after all, he did set the motion for these series of events, along with his wife. He only has his ways, and his undying loyalty to his brother and his family. There is no time for him to consider himself. 

This is the way he has made it, but for the first time, he does not know the right from wrong below the picture perfect goal of peace, and their village. There is him, in the middle of it all.

  To be continued...

Epilogue: The World As He Made It >>

[kuroosweakness]

Hi Lia! Hope you are doing well. I don't know if you are taking requests at the moment, but before I blabber out anything let me just tell you that your blog is one of my comfort blogs, like whenever I feel dejected (which is often), I just come to your Kuroo writings and get a fresh dose of serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, no matter how many times I re-read them.

Okay so here's the thing! It's kind of comfort/self-indulgent of sorts. So, like the scenario is that the reader is insecure that maybe they are too smart, studious/nerdy and independent for Kuroo. Like normally they are indifferent and doesn't even bother what is happening around, but at times they feel slightly sad when all the girls flock around Kuroo, to help them with studies or any other tasks. They know very well that some of them purposely come to him to see him and to spend time with him (Like he is so charismatic!!). But Kuroo being a sweet and helpful senior can never deny them. So reader has thoughts like "I wish I were dumb and stupid", which of course somehow Kuroo gets to know and consoles them. Like you know saying stuff like "I love your beautiful mind", "only you can find the stupid faults in my pickup lines", "genuinely laugh at my chemistry jokes", "you are my partner-in-crime" etc etc.

Feel free to shorten this request and add more characters if you feel like, as per your convenience but I am not over with my rant yet. I hope you won't mind, I just needed to vent out.

So basically the thing is I am a NERD and there are many reasons on why I love Kuroo but most importantly I feel like I could have mentally stimulating conversations with him since he is an officially recognized chem dork by the fandom. And um since I am passionate about chemistry along with every other subject under the sky (Nerd things, yeah!), so you know. But usually in most of the fics it is shown that the reader is not good at studies, and asks him for help and him being cheeky, and helping the reader out by tutoring them, like nothing wrong in that but at times I feel left out because I honestly don't need any help with my homework or any tutoring in study dates. I am at top of my work even though I procrastinate a lot. How about discussing cool stuff about the subjects that we study over such sessions? Another pathetic thing that I have observed is this disastrous pick up line used in Kuroo fics (I am sorry if you have ever mentioned it or liked it. I don't mean to hurt you) is that - "Are you a compound made up of Beryllium and Barium because you are a total BaBe"..... Like ughhhh give me a break! Beryllium and Barium have the same oxidation state of +2 , so they can't really combine to form a compound duhhh!!! Or maybe I don't know, probably Kuroo won't like a smart or studious s/o?

Anyways, I am sorry if I wasted your time and thank you if you read all of it. Sending you loads of love and take no stress. You have the complete liberty to not write this request and if you choose to write this then thank you so much <3 <3

omg hi there! i get where you're coming from!! and to answer your question, he'd most definitely love having a nerdy s/o who'll geek out over things that stimulates his brain! to be able to have complex talks and arguments with you is one of his favorite past times :) he'll talk about the things that he wonders about to you and whenever he comes across a trick question/puzzle, he'll go to you like "can you figure this out? i've been stuck on it for ages!"

and if you figure it out easily, he'll be dumbfounded ahahha

i'm very very glad that this is a comfort blog for you :' in all honesty, it's a comfort blog for me too. it feels wonderful to be able to have a platform where i can share my thoughts and interact with others who have the same ideas

about the scenario, i'd be happy to write it! but firstly, do not ever wish you're dumb and dependent >:( whaaa the things i'd trade for your brain???

- your independence and intelligence are traits that kuroo looks up to. although you're already his s/o, your independence gives him chances to seek your attention and love, all while having the reassurance that you love him already. he can have fun teasing you and chasing after you for affection, all while knowing he'll get the love back!

i don't know if this is making sense lol but kuroo wouldn't fall behind or cling onto you, instead find his own ways to turn your independence into something he finds a lot of joy in. and also because he's quite independent and busy himself, he totally understands you!

and yes, there will most likely be a flock of girls (and guys 👀) lined up outside his door to spend time with him (kuroo and his charismatic charms that are too good for their own sake) he makes it quite clear that's he's already taken and has zero interest in them besides helping out! but also, getting other peoples' attention does feel good, so his schedule involves a lot of tutoring and helping others.

except it's not a pretty sight when you walk into the library where you're supposed to meet him, and see the close proximity between him and the girl he's "tutoring"

who said that he doesn't need your help?? help goes both ways!! kuroo would go to you and seek your help and attention :) and also because he likes to have an excuse to spend time with you, all while understanding the concepts he's been struggling with!

if you ever have those "i wish i was dumb and stupid" thoughts, (which 1. you should literally NEVER BE HAVING) then kuroo would likely notice *somehow*

idk it's like his 6th sense...to connect actions and facial expressions with thoughts. he'll teasingly tell you "if you didn't have that brain and personality of yours, who'll i go to for help? you're supposed to be my plan A here"

no but seriously, what'll he ever do without you? you're making him feel *negative feelings* when you have those thoughts!

and so the conversation will turn into him covering your face in small kisses. he'll hold the sides of your face and stare at the top of your head, saying something ridiculous like "i'd kiss your brain too if i could"

and of course, you'll nudge him and he'll laugh.

you're genuinely the only one he loves giving those pick-up lines and complex jokes, mostly because 1. he loves your laugh 2. you're the only one who understands! you two will have many, many inside jokes that no one else knows about, and he thinks that's special

also, less and less girls will start going to him for help after he keeps dropping those "yeah no problem...review on monday? sorry 'bout that, i'm hanging out with my s/o that day"

or "oh, it's okay to not understand this. i didn't know what was going on until my s/o taught it to me"

~~~

YES having mentally stimulating conversations with him!!!! deep talks!! not only would you be able to have deep and complex convos with him, but also light hearted ones about movie characters, songs...he's a very open-minded person and that's what i love about him :'

how. are. you. so. smart. and. on. top. of. things. gimme ur skills and motivations D:

although you don't need tutoring on study dates, kuroo would search up difficult problems that requires a lot of critical thinking and *poof* hopefully, you'll be stuck and he'll feel all proud for knowing something you don't (bonk him on the head for me)

but if you do figure it out, he'll be like o_o the whole rest of the study date

RIGHT !! BaBe does not work together lollll (omg i've never thought about their oxidation states :0) but it's still a cute joke in a way :)

but yeah, i don't like those scientific jokes very much either. they get old after a while D:

if kuroo ever drops that joke on you, tell him to do better and he'll laugh and walk away, later trying to think of a better and accurate one

wdym kuroo won't like a studious s/o ?!!!! OF COURSE HE WOULD

~~~

no time wasted here! :) i hope my insights and thoughts were good enough because i didn't really do much writing :'D again, kuroo would be head over heels for you. *sends a handful of love and me and my neighborhood stray cat that reminds me of kuroo* <33

[krysyuy]

I continue to love Flower of Evil! There’s a lot going on in Episode 4, so let’s dive in. Oh, and I’ll be alternating between using Hyun Soo and Hee Sung, so apologies in advance if it confuses anyone. While the majority of the episode is focused on the chase for Hyun Soo, we still manage to get some crumbs about the Baek family. Me, every time with their scenes:

I keep saying this, but I’m so curious about this storyline!! What happened that the parents felt the need to have someone impersonate their son while he’s in a coma? I’m leaning more towards them being responsible for whatever happened… Unless their son did something so awful, they decided to cover it up thoroughly and completely in order not to lose face. Though Baek Man Woo (the father) seemed to treat his son with care. Whatever happened, they went to great lengths to conceal their secret. They even have a mute maid, though I don’t know how much that would discourage her from “talking” if/when push comes to shove later. We see that original!Hee Sung was quite the math whiz. So the only concrete fact we have about him (aside from the shady family) is that he’s extremely smart. Now is he good or bad… I initially thought we had a Queen Yoo situation on our hands with Kong Mi Ja (the mother), though apparently that’s not the case. I was genuinely shocked when she apologized, and THEN at the end admitted to the house being too big for two people, so she invited him to come over and eat some time. (Does that invitation extend to his wife and daughter?) I would not have expected this from the parents we see in the first episode. I love it though. This scene gave the mom a bit more depth, instead of her being another variation of the Evil Matriarch trope. For a moment, there seemed to be a kind of softening in the tension of this scene. Though of course she also majorly freaked when she found out Ji Won is on the case. I definitely feel like it’s the guilt and the stress of their situation regarding being found out, which then led to these anxiety problems. I am living for these flashbacks of Hee Sung and Ji Won’s past. And young Hee Sung is so clueless, please😭😂 I mean, it’s understandable why, but still. Kudos to Ji Won for not backing down. Their past versions are so cute, and the set-up could’ve easily been its own drama. I’d love to know what Ji Won thinks is going on when Hee Sung stares at an empty space, and then gets all guarded and freaked out. But later when Hee Sung says Ji Won scares his father - MY HEART😭 Even if she doesn’t know it, she protects him. “Why do you like me? Why?” I actually would also like to know this, lol. Hopefully we get an answer in the next flashback about why she fell for him. But I also would not blame her if it’s primarily because of his pretty face. xP Either way, she clearly sees something in him that he does not. I really like Ji Won’s team, but I’m always going back and forth on her sunbae, lolll. He’s funny but can also be a bit irritating. So sometimes I like him, sometimes I don’t. Which I think is how he’s purposefully written, haha. Her hoobae is always great though. Finally, we’re introduced to Hyun Soo’s sister. I was kinda ???? when she touched her phone with all that fake blood on her hands. She didn’t even ask her assistant for a towel or wipes… ANYWAYS lmao, I didn’t really get any ~shady vibes from her, but there wasn’t much to go on just yet. I do think she’s lonely and she misses her brother. When Ji Won was commenting on Hyun Soo’s life, and he’s right there with his head on her lap😢 It would be interesting to see her start to realize/uncover the truth of some things about Hyun Soo before she fully realizes he’s her husband. I’m very curious as to how the writer is planning this reveal. “Was my husband always this handsome?” Yes. But seriously, why are they so adorable. I just want them to be happy😭 Me, with the earlier eps: I mean, he’s possibly irredeemable, it’s cool if he doesn’t have a happy ending— Drama as it reveals more of his character:

Hee Sung faking sadness was so funny because we know he dgaf about his would-be murderer. I do feel bad for the wife, but she did end up giving Hee Sung a huge clue. I certainly didn’t expect the culprit to be the taxi driver! When the driver was telling his story to JW’s sunbae previously, I do remember thinking it was odd that the killer would share that they’re in the same profession as their father. If you’re a killer, why would you be dropping personal details like that to a possible witness later? I’m sorry, what is this coincidence of him being caught on camera in the photo background of someone visiting from his hometown???? I’ll roll with it, but wow. lol Moo Jin trying to sniff out the story of how Hyun Soo obtained his new identity with the Baek family… I was warming up to him, but then he tried to record HS. Thankfully, HS caught on, but if Moo Jin backstabs Hyun Soo/Hee Sung later ISTG… I wonder if he’ll change his tune (because he is so not giving up) when he meets up with Do Hae Soo again. There’s definitely something going on with Do Min Seok’s death. I doubt he committed suicide, so I wonder if HS or his sister did the deed. The chase scene with Hee Sung and Ji Won was amazing, and I could only think about how these spouses are hella in shape. And that fight - well, more like struggle - in the building! HS deserved that kick to the nuts lol. But the way he instinctively jumped forward to save Ji Won from the falling tools… 😭 He loves her GDI. I wonder if he realizes this though. He was suspiciously quiet when Moo Jin was asking if he really didn’t have any feelings for her. HS never directly answers this when it’s brought up. Everyone in the know asks if affection bloomed because of Eun Ha’s birth, but the flashbacks clearly show that is not the case. Also, this thought came to me in earlier episodes too, like when he snooped in Moo Jin’s place, but Hee Sung is leaving his fingerprints EVERYWHERE. Please wear gloves, I am begging😭 “We should’ve continued that exorcism!” “What does Do Hyun Soo have against this town anyway?” YOU ALREADY ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION, PLEASE SHUT UP. The phone call with Eun Ha may be my favorite part of the episode, lmao. She’s way too cute. I was the grandma trying not to laugh in the background. Like Eun Ha was so devastated that he wasn’t around. It’s precious how much she loves and misses her dad, which is something that Hyun Soo must marvel at. Before Ji Won, he never experienced that. (Maybe with Hae Soo, but we still don’t know enough to gauge their relationship.) But that ending!! I’m dying to know what’s going on in Ji Won’s head when she sees this piece of evidence (Hyun Soo, please be smarter omfg). Like I don’t know if her mind will immediately jump to HS being the one she was chasing (even if she’d be right lolll). First, she’ll wonder how tf the watch got there and then go through different options before then landing on him. I don’t even know if she’ll get the chance to make that leap because from the preview, we know the taxi driver is up to no good and Ji Won realizes her husband is in danger. Hee Sung/Hyun Soo was injured from the falling tools earlier, and I think that’ll partially be the reason why the taxi driver gets the upper hand and subdues him. I’M SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK!!! I’ve been hyped for the water scene since the teasers, and we’re already getting it. But I’m also so confused because there are still 12 episodes left, lollll. I thought this would be a mid-point scenario. And we’ve already seen a lot of the material that was in the trailer. Not everything, but a good chunk. I really love how things are progressing. Nothing’s dragging (to me). I am a little worried about the back half as that is where dramas tend to do or die. I’ll guess the situation with the Baek family will drive the 2nd half, and that the real son will wake in the middle eps or later. The writer hasn’t given me any reason to doubt them so far. I’m still along for the ride, and I hope the next episode is as promising as it looks. My Twitter liveblog for Ep4: twitter.com/krysyuy/status/1291852350747901952

[dinoyoongi]

Confirm or Deny (2)

SYNOPSIS: You’re a member of the rising group FRNZEE. You’ve been dating Namjoon for years when Dispatch releases an article exposing your relationship. Your company confirms the relationship. Big Hit denies it.

PARTS: ONE |  TWO | THREE | FOUR

PAIRING: Namjoon x You

GENRE: Romance, Angst

WARNINGS: Language, brief mentions of sexual situations

WORD COUNT: 3808

AUTHORS NOTE: I’m not sure how many parts this will have - I’m just going to write until I’m satisfied and break them up in chunks. Please show it some love if you like it and want more! And yes, this is inspired by the very real “scandal” between iKON’s Yunheyong and Momoland’s Daisy.

______________________________________

“Omg this is the biggest publicity stunt ever from Hot Star.”

“LOLLLL like Namjoon would really date her.”

“CAN'T STOP THE CRINGE OMG. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER RIGHT NOW.”

“Is she delusional?? Just because they trained together, she's going to take advantage of him like that?”

“Honestly Big Hit should sue at this point. It's obvious that Hot Star is trying to profit from BTS' popularity right now.”

“Like any of the boys in BTS have time to date right now. Get real, Y/N. Nice try though.”

“#Y/NISCANCELLED”

At some point during the slideshow of knives to your gut, you've sunk so far into your chair that your forehead nearly grazes the edge of the table. You've stopped following the words with your eyes but you can't drown out the sound of your director reading them out loud, his voice growing angrier with every click. You're so wrapped in your own misery that you don't notice when the voice stops.

“Y/N,” someone hisses from down the table. Lifting your gaze, you notice countless set of eyes glaring back at you. “This is serious. A scandal like this wouldn't put a dent in a larger company like Big Hit but for us … stocks have already fallen and we've already had two advertisers ask to replace you with another member. Are you even paying attention?”

You manage to successfully restrain yourself from unleashing the growl at the bottom of your throat. “Of course I'm paying attention. Of course I'm taking this seriously. Every K-Pop fan in the world hates me right now – how can I not pay attention?”

“Y/N, is your relationship with Namjoon serious?”

You scoff, not missing the way your director's face tightens in annoyance. As someone in the predicament that you're in right now, you know it's not best to speak so disrespectfully to the management and label. But you're unable to control your anger and your mouth, knowing that the responsibility for this lies completely on their shoulders for not consulting with you first. “Yes, I think so.”

“You think so?” a man you've never met before mocks you from the other end of the table. You watch as he rolls his eyes, muttering a lot of words so low that you can't hear them. But you do manage to make out a select few. “Delusional bitch.”

You jump from your seat with so much force that it knocks the chair backward, slamming against the floor with a loud thwack. Your manager is quick to grasp onto your arm, yanking you back before you can take any steps towards the man.

“Sit down right now,” he seethes under his breath. Using his free hand to pull the chair upright, he pulls you down into it, keeping his grip so tight on your arm that you can feel his fingernails digging painfully into your skin.

“Y/N, we had hoped that by now the controversy surrounding this would be gone but unfortunately it looks like this situation has turned into some kind of internet meme. We regret not allowing you and Namjoon the chance to sort out a story before we submitted a statement but the damage is already done. Now, about the comeback -”

You can almost feel the way your skin pales instantly.

“You can't!” you screech, suddenly alert. They would seriously punish you by canceling the comeback? The thought of the disappointed faces of your fellow members forms a lump in your throat. “The group didn't do anything wrong. Don't punish them because I-”

The director cuts you off with a hand in the air. “If you'd let me finish – it's far too late to delay the comeback. We've already recorded most of the song, the music video crew has been hired and your outfits have been ordered. Too much money has been spent at this point so the comeback will go on as scheduled -” you exhale a sigh of relief - “without you.”

There's an explosive slamming against your chest, your gut.

You breath hitches at the two words. Without you.

You've worked so hard for this comeback and now …

“Wait,” you croak, your throat suddenly feeling dry. You blink quickly, attempting to rid the pools of water building beneath your eyelids. “You're pulling me from the comeback?”

The director sighs. “At this point, our marketing team has decided that your presence would do a lot more harm than good.”

“But … but I-I've worked so hard and I-I-”

“Y/N,” your manager says gently, his grip loosening into soothing rub, moving in circles on your shoulder sympathetically. Every part of you is screaming to shove him off but you're too numb to move your limbs. All of your hard work … is this really happening right now?

“We're sorry, Y/N. We'll make sure to have this mess cleaned up for the next comeback.”

The next comeback? When would that be? It had already been seven months since you released your last EP. Would it be another seven months? A year? Longer? “But I already finished recording and-”

“We will re-record your parts with the other members. Please don't worry too much about this. Have a nice rest and work hard on regaining your image. You know what that means, don't you?”

Despite trying your absolute best not to show your vulnerability to these men, you can't help the lone tear that slides down your cheek. Of course you know what that means. “You don't want me to see Namjoon anymore.”

“I imagine he won't want to see you anymore either,” the pig from down the table chuckles. The director shoots the man a quick glare before switching his features back to sympathy. None of it feels authentic at all.

“We just need to you lay low, okay? Cheer the girls on from behind the scenes. You'll get to shine next time, okay?”

Lay low.

Behind the scenes.

Next time.

With a polite smile on your face, you rise as stiff as a robot, bowing curtly before turning and escaping from the room. Your manager is saying words, talking so quickly, but you can't hear him. There's a pain from inside your chest that has you pounding your fist against the top of your breast bone with a firm pressure.

Is this what a broken heart feels like?

_____________________________

Hours later, you lay awake with a throbbing heart and bloodshot eyes. Your gaze is focused on the telephone sitting on the dresser next to your bed. After passing out a few days ago, your manager turned your phone off to stop the incessant buzzing. Phone calls from family and friends, text messages from fellow idols, alerts from Naver and Google of articles containing your name … it was all too much. You haven't spoken to Namjoon since hanging up with him that day and despite your relationship being the blame for everything falling apart, you long for his embrace more than anything in the entire world right now.

Reaching a hand to the device, you press the button in to turn it on. It springs to life almost immediately, lighting up with countless notifications. 59 unread text messages. 34 missed phone calls. 23 new voicemails. 49 new web results containing your name.

Namjoon's name sits atop of the results, as if your phone knew exactly what you needed.

Please call me. I'm freaking out. I don't know any of your members numbers. If you don't call me soon, I'm going to come over there.

The text was sent last night. You don't know if Namjoon is being serious or not, but you sit up and press the call icon next to his name anyway. He answers almost immediately. “Y/N? Is this you? Why haven't you been answering your phone?”

You pause, unable to find your voice. “Y/N?”

“I had to turn it off, Namjoon. I couldn't handle what they were saying.”

He groans, long and pained. “How did this happen, Sweets? Why did you tell them to confirm that we were dating?”

Listening close enough, it almost sounds as if he's accusing you of something. With your guard up so high, you latch on to it, your pride shoving away any kind of desires. “Excuse me? Why did you tell them to deny that we were?”

“Sweets, I know we've always talked about going public but now is not the time. The Grammys are announcing nominations in the next day or so and-”

“The Recording Academy doesn't give a shit about who you're dating, Namjoon. America doesn't … doesn't take away deserved success based on something so trivial,” you say, your voice cracking as you remember your own opportunities being stolen from you so easily earlier today. “And for your information, I didn't tell them to confirm our relationship. They didn't even speak with me about it. Did Big Hit … did they ask you? Did you tell them to deny it?”

There's a deafening silence on the other end of the line for what feels like an eternity. “I didn't have a choice. I had to think of the boys first.”

You gulp, nodding your head even though he can't see you.

Although you harbor nothing but love, friendship and respect for the other members of BTS, you knew that Namjoon's loyalty was often split between you and them. Working hard in your group, there were times when you completely understood his devotion to them. They were a team, a family. They've worked so hard to get to where they're at and Namjoon can't let a personal scandal – you, you're the scandal – take any of that away. But what about you? You've known Namjoon as long as Yoongi and Jin have. You've been just as close – even closer – to him. You've been his driving force and he has been yours.

So why is it only BTS? Why can't Namjoon find space in his loyalty for you as well?

You decide that's an argument for another day.

“Did they tell you not to see me anymore?” you ask quietly, fingers picking at the fabric of your blanket. He sighs and you know that's a definite yes.

“It's what they told me, yes. But I don't plan on listening. There's nothing in my contract that says I can't date. Did they tell you not see me?”

“They did.”

“Sweets-”

“Joonie, can you come over?” you ask, unable to disguise the sob in your voice. “I know it's a really bad idea right now with everything going on but I need to see you. Please.”

He sighs heavily and you have a strong suspicion that he's trying to generate a reason to deny your request. In the end, he relents. “I'll be over in fifteen. Do you need anything? Are you members okay with me being there?”

“I don't need anything but you and my members have all gone to learn choreography.”

“Why didn't you go with them?” The surprise in his tone is palpable. You ignore it.

“I'll see you soon. I love you,” you mumble, ending the call before he can say anything. Glancing up at your reflection in the vanity mirror across the room, you sigh. Has there ever been a time that you've looked worst than this? You try to think back but you honestly can't recall. Red skin, puffy eyes, hair greasy and thrown up in a messy bun, oversized sweatpants and one of Namjoon's giant hoodies. Should you change your clothes? Put some make-up on?

In the end, you decide to settle for quickly washing your hair in the bathroom sink. If you expect Namjoon to wrap you up in arms later, you don't want it to be spoiled with an inhalation of dirty hair. By the time you've finished drying the ends with a towel, the doorbell rings. The security camera confirms that it's Namjoon, clad in all black with his chin dipped down and an oversized face mask hiding his features. You buzz him in and he bustles in within seconds, pausing to glance around every corner warily before closing the door behind him.

He's not even completely turned towards you when you lunge, wrapping both arms around his neck and tucking your face into the crook of his neck. He's startled at first, stumbling backwards a few steps before he steadies himself and slowly melts into you. His long arms wrap themselves around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. You hate the way your muscles immediately relax as your face presses against the warmth of his neck. You hate how the colossal rainstorm in your chest fades into a lulling drizzle when he rocks back and forth on his heels, swaying both of your bodies. You hate how for this brief pocket of time, you manage to forget anything and everything except Namjoon and how undeniably, distressingly in love with him you are.

You don't realize you're crying until Namjoon is lifting your chin, using the pads of his thumbs to gently wipe away the moisture on your cheeks. You watch his dimples as they deepen with his frown, surveying the damage done to your face. “Sweets, you've been crying. What happened? Did management go hard on you?”

You dump your face back into his neck, muffling your voice. “I don't want to talk about it.”

You hear him sigh before you're suddenly swept over your feet, squealing in surprise when he begins to carry you to the couch. He sits gently, lowering you onto his lap. His hand reaches up to press your the side of your face against his chest. “We need to talk about it. We need to be on the same page if we're going to get through this, okay?”

“Namjoon, if this is too hard … if being with me is going to cause you-”

“No,” he protests sternly. “We're not going down that road. Like I said, there is nothing in my contract that says I can't date. Besides, BTS is kind of … well, we're huge right now. They wouldn't even touch the idea of messing with that.”

You want to giggle at his words because he often has these moments of being rightfully cocky and you absolutely love it, but a bucket of cold, hard reality washes over you when you remember why you were in such desperate need of cuddles in the first place.

“Namjoon?” you mumble into the fabric of his sweater. He hums in response, his hand coming to glide soothingly along your spine. “They pulled me from the comeback.”

His fingers stop moving. He cranes his neck to look at your face directly and it suddenly makes sense why you're with him and not your group right now. Now that he's looking for it, he can see the devastation on your face. He knew how important this comeback was to you, how excited you were and how hard you had worked. Namjoon recalls a dinner date a few weeks ago in which you confessed all about your daydreams and visions that this song was the song for FRNZEE. You had already pictured yourself and the other members taking home your first music show trophy after three long years of insanely hard work, high expectations and even higher disappointments. Namjoon wanted it so badly for you. He knew that if your confidence and pride for this comeback meant anything, it's that you were sure to finally find some of the success you deserve.

The fact that Namjoon has played a part in destroying that for you is killing him.

“Sweets … Baby, I'm so sorry,” he croaks. You smile sadly when you notice his eyes go glassy. “Is there anyone from your management I can speak to? Do you think my team can try to convince yours to let you back in?”

Your snort sarcastically. “I'm supposed to be staying away from you, remember?”

“We're not letting them break us apart, Y/N. I meant that. We'll get through this, okay? With the way this industry has been going lately, it's only a matter of time before another drug scandal comes out and our story will be forgotten by the media.”

You lean your head back against his chest, nodding in agreement. There's a comfortable silence between the two of you. Namjoon is great with words but he's also wonderful with expressing himself through gestures. The fingers tapping along your spine, his lips grazing against the crown of your head, his foot gently kicking yours as they dangle together. You're okay. I love you. Stay strong. He says the most when he doesn't say anything.

“Sweets, do you want to just join BTS as the eighth member?”

It's such an absurd thing to say that you can't help but laugh loudly. The sound makes Namjoon's chest swell in relief. “No, seriously. We can move Jungkook to the rap line and you can take his place as a vocalist. I know you could keep up with the choreography plus imagine how great it'd be for me to see you in your tiny workout clothes every time we practiced.”

You laugh again, shoving his shoulder. “That would mean the rest of the boys would get to enjoy me in my tiny workout clothes as well. Does that still sound like a good idea to you?”

He hums in consideration. “Okay, new plan. Hear me out – you and I have our own practice sessions and-”

“You're being ridiculous,” you giggle but play along. “How about I join you in a sub-unit? I think we'd go pretty well together and we'd get all the private practice sessions we want.”

His grin is dazzling as he leans closer into you, giving you those hooded eyes that usually mean he's up to no good. “I think that's the best idea you've ever had, Sweets. Should we start a practice session right now?”

You push yourself up to meet him halfway, your lips skimming his. “I don't have any tiny workout clothes with me though.”

“What a shame. I guess you'll just have to wear no clothes at all,” he quips smoothly before closing the gap between your lips, his tongue slipping through to hurriedly deepen the kiss. Twisting your body around on the soft, you find yourself straddling his lap again, your hands gripping his shoulders to keep you steady. He already has your shirt off and thrown to the floor when his phone begins to ring. Tearing his lips from yours, he groans when he pulls the device out of his pocket and sees Jin's name, tossing it to the side before returning his attention to your waiting lips. The second time the phone rings, his shirt has been discarded and you were drafting circles around a vein on his jugular with your tongue. Glancing at the screen, you sigh. “It's Jin again. Maybe you should see what he wants.”

He groans, louder this time before swiping to answer the call. “Jin, somebody better be dead or dying over there. What do you need?”

You're absentmindedly tracing the raised skin on one of his abs when he jolts upright, nearly knocking you off of his lap. The look on his face is hard to decipher. Shock? Fear? Disbelief?

“Joonie, what happened? Is everyone okay?” you whisper frantically, leaning in close to the phone. You can hear Jin garbling out words though you can't understand what they are. “Is Jin crying? Namjoon, what's going on?”

When he doesn't answer, you snatch the phone from his hand. “Jin? This is Y/N. Can you tell me what's going on? Jin? Kim Seokjin, are you there?” There's no answer. When you glance at the screen, you notice the call has long since ended.

“We did it,” your boyfriend mumbles in awe. You frown in confusion.

“What did you do?”

“Grammy … the Grammys announced nominations and … we …”

Oh my god. You rest your hands on his chest to propel yourself up as you look at him. Beneath your fingers, his skin vibrates with the quick pounding of his heart.

“Was BTS nominated for a Grammy?”

“Three,” he says, finally breaking out of his trance to lock eyes with you. “Three Grammys. We're nominated for three fucking Grammys, Sweets.”

His wide eyes matching your wide eyes, you both take a second to process this news before you break, leaping off of the couch. He howls in joy and you scream in excitement, scooping you up in his arms and twirling you in celebratory circles around the living room.

“Oh my god, you did it. Joonie, I'm so proud of you. K-pop at the Grammys! Joonie, you're marking milestones here!”

“I'm shaking,” he confesses, holding his arm out to show you his quivering arm. “I can't believe this is really happening. The boys and I … oh shit – the boys.”

“What?”

“Sweets, I have to go,” he says, his excitement suddenly wavering. His eyes move toward his phone on the couch, where it lights up with Jimin's name. You're sure that in the midst of your happy twirls, his phone has probably displayed the names of all six other members. “I want to stay and celebrate with you but ...”

“No way,” you force a laugh, mustering the most convincing grin you can. “I know the boys probably have champagne waiting for you. Go celebrate! Give my congrats to the rest of the boys, okay?”

Namjoon doesn't buy it. There's a war in his mind, an overwhelmingly large side telling him that it's only right to be with the rest of the members at a time like this. It's a moment that he's going to remember for this rest of his life – shouldn't he share that memory with the other six that helped make it happen? Another part of his mind screams for him to stay here with you. You have always been the one that brought him up from his pessimism. You have always been the one that forced him to envision a day where something like this would happen for him. Why shouldn't you be the one that shares this memory with him?

In the end, he's gathering his things and saying goodbye to you at your door with a soft kiss and promise of tomorrow. As the car disappears from view, he doesn't see your crestfallen face or the lone tear that drops to the grass at your feet. You didn't expect him to stay nor did you want to him to stay – of course he should be with his members at a time like this. What you didn't expect was the sense of finality that took Namjoon's place in the air around you. You were obscenely happy for him so why … why does something not feel right?

NEXT CHAPTER --->

[swearronchanel]

8.07

Well, damn

the girls looking so good 😭😍💖 fashion queens

“Sometimes, we simply see each other through fresh eyes and there’s joy it in”

The Turner’s poppin bottles in the house

I still love Mother Mildred she’s wild

Poor sister Frances, literally the new sister Winnifred 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now she’ll have her “first birth experience” and will have the “I’m a midwife, I can do it” epiphany lmao

Sister Hilda has some good lines lol

Hard boiled eggs yum 😂😂 LMAO ew who wants that as an appetizer or hor d’oeuvre

aw there’s baby teddy, the writers remembered his existence this time

small dry sherry pls

Set aside the bottles we are popping birth control pills ladies, on the daily so they work

violet is me in some situations like great idea but who is paying? 😂😂

POSEIDON’S HIPPYCAMP LMAOOO WHAT?

I love sister Monica Joan

Does England have any gold Olympic medals? 😂 no shade I’m just curious

Silver is still good lol but sister MJ ain’t about it

I would like to join the Phyllis Crane fan club thanks

Ofc they were right there’s like single young moms every other episode

So she’s got an STD

Are we guessing her husband is cheating? Cause I am

THE PRIDE OF THE NATION IS AT STAKE LMAOOO SHE’S SCOUTING THE KIDS FOR FUTURE ATHLETES

I want some chips even tho I still can’t used to calling them chips

YAS Mother Mildred Lmaoo tell sister J about it

Sister J has been pushed the side this series and then they give her a time to make a point and nothing lmao, the same lines she said 3 series ago about the pill

I’m offended write sister J better pls

Val spilling family tea

Her poor grandmother tho 💔 so glad a lot has changed in 60 years (even tho more still needs to change )

Miss Higgins and Phyllis is the duo I didn’t realize I wanted to see? Give us more

I knew he was cheating !! Trash

Fountain of all wisdom😂

LMAO Mother Mildred knows Phyllis isn’t down for him

Gonorrhea,,, shit

(chlamydia is the clap tho? do british people call both the clap?)

Not a chartreuse fan but cute coat for shelagh

“Nice to see you kid” pure 😭

PHYLLIS’ CRINGE at the comment I love Lucille tho lmao

“WE’VE ALL HAD A DOSE” SJSJSJ BRO ACTUALLY WE HAVEN’T LMAO

He said he paid for it so casually, why are a lot of men trash?🤦🏼‍♀️

!Courage and humility! We know this, esp humility lmaooo

This other husband seems better

Shelagh’s plaid pants Yass i love

I hope they show the Turner’s talking to the kids, as sad as it is you gotta shed light all the harsher reality side to fostering kids

My best friends’ growing up parents’ fostered so many kids throughout our childhood is was always sad watching kids come and go

“Bribery and corruption?” I love Beatrix 😂 I love when her series 1 playful/jokester self shines through

Ok but not gonna lie I LOVE Bingo LMAO

“Miss Anderson” 😭😍 pure af and she looks so pretty

Where was sister MJ when I was having nervous breakdowns failing all my math courses? 😭

An enema sounds like a nightmare Lmaoo

Aw here comes the talk 😭

Not “the talk” but that would actually be SO funny omg imagine LMAO

Idk why I expected the little kids to say something lol but at least they showed it 😭poor Tim tho

Trixie looks so good serving some mod 60s realness!!

Val’s outfit is cute too

Damn it there was the chance to bring back “children are more resilient than you think” !! (Sister B said that right?)

The fear of God “I’ve already got that” LMAOO sister Frances

My fam loves bingo we play it at my grandma’s I miss it 😂 this caller isn’t that exciting tho

also am an active player of bingo when we go on cruises bc once again YES, I am actually a 60 year old woman

“WAS SHE WORTH IT?” LMAOO

Why didn’t he yell BINGO in confused? LMAO is this british? Who says house??

Why is it hilarious to me that the hookers know Dr Turner?😂

elbow first?? Whatttt the hell

There’s the little fish looking baby 😂

Aww she’s all crusty but reminds me how excited I am to meet my niece when I get back to the states 😭

There’s the new instilled confidence lol predictable af but still sweet

Nosy bitches, I’d be so catty and just start calling people out on their issues lmao

oh yikes that’s a nasty boil

They’re having a whole party 😂

and now the party’s over

Passing the magazine that’s so cute

“What an honor” uhhh

“Hope my Val is like you” pure 😭😭

Omg she wanted to be a nurse my heart stop I’ll tear up

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Mr Pugh? Bc I don’t (am I being insensitive idk tbh)

baby girls are winning tonight

aw she’s so tiny

“You are Artemis” YAS love that greek mythology😂😭 I will scream it everywhere I love sister MJ

Who thought making “Aunt Flo” a character was ok LMAO

IF GRAN IS DEAD IM SUING OMG SJKJKJK

OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

Was not expecting that. what the fuck

And sister Mildred’s leaving aw 😭I’ll miss her

she’s like sister Evangelina but on another level lmaoo 

Why is she leaving mysteriously after her “work” is done like a magical movie nanny?  lollll

I guess this isn’t the best time to say it but this shuts down the speculations that Val had an abortion?

Ok Agnes is an ugly name but do you

this is so so sad 😭😭 this is why safe abortions need to accessible bc this is how it happens when it’s illegal

burning the fucking money, this is so heavy

They both have points tho so you can’t even point fingers at who is right or wrong in this situation. There’s no good or bad, it just is

Honestly the real one in the wrong here is the damn government who fails the state when they don’t give a damn about women and don’t provide access to legal & safe abortions and just overall make women (esp poor women)’s lives so freaking difficult !!

is Val going to call the cops? I know this isn’t the end of it

There’s Britain’s gold tho 😂

“We can never foretell when our fortunes will turn or when the story will change. Sometimes we see each other through fresh eyes and there’s no joy at all. We see what was concealed and what is shameful. We see what is true, and nothing familiar remains...”

Damn this was heartbreaking but also the best episode this weekend.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 028: Cavalry Battle Part 1

Hi everyone, I have HERO A on repeat. Time for some Sports Fest antics.

Previously on BnHA: Everyone picked teams for the cavalry battle. Like a half dozen people swarmed Bakugou going PICK ME!! and he was all WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE. Deku teamed up with Ochako and Iida, but then Iida was like WELL ACTUALLY and ran off to be on Todoroki’s team. Then my new favorite, Mei, was like HEY and so Deku picked her instead, and also Tokoyami, because Deku is the guy who somehow wins the entire fantasy league after sitting out the fucking draft.

Today on BnHA: The cavalry battle begins. Todoroki hints at having Daddy Issues. Deku’s team holds the others at bay through the power of zero-g, sentient bird shadows, and jetpacks. Bakugou gets trolled by some punk from class B and loses his shit. Todoroki and Deku face off.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 51 58 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. lol yesterday was a very productive day) 

Todoroki has a pretty good thing going, not gonna lie. Iida brings the speed, Kami’s quirk is the perfect defense, and Momo can protect them against being hit by Kami’s electricity themselves. meanwhile Todoroki can probably just ice the ground and send everyone else flailing. I wonder if that would be against the rules

they’ve easily got the best defense out of the whole group, and with Todoroki as their one-man offense... everyone else needs to watch out

oh?

what are you just gonna sit this one out or something? I see he’s looking at the stands though

Todoroki. could it be that you have... Daddy Issues

because I’ve been waiting for a character with Daddy Issues, Todoroki

just. it’s another Thing That I Like, bud, so I’m just warning you now

(ETA: need I even say anything more here)

OHO

oohhhh

this must be the famous Endeavor we’ve heard so much about, then :D

and you know, I’d been wondering why he never uses his fire powers, and ever since he mentioned that his dad was a flame hero, I had a feeling that it might be something like this

so I see he does indeed have Daddy Issues, and self-imposed weaknesses on top of that! boy that sure is stupid, Todoroki

(ETA: even though he has Reasons, I still stand by this statement. he’s allowed to be dumb, though; he’s a kid and he’s been through a lot.)

so now let’s talk about this Endeavor guy. I can immediately see that he, like Vongola Primo before him, just refuses to ever not be on fire at all times. there’s just no reasoning with these people

also this dude literally has a mustache made of fire, which is just the most excellent thing I’ve ever seen

I mean, the beard is also cool, but. the mustache. SO UNNECESSARY. SO BIZARRE. I FUCKING LOVE IT SO MUCH

yay we’re finally gonna get started

WOW the gap between first place and third place in that first competition was a whopping 9,999,800 points, apparently. lmao

that’s not how point distribution usually works, U.A. but, you do you

so my boy Kacchan has Sero and Mina on his team in addition to Kirishima. Sero’s tape skills will definitely come in handy offensively. and Mina... FUCKING WHAT IS YOUR POWER ALREADY, MINA. at this point I really need to know, because the anime seems to assume that everyone watching already knows, so they have no problem showing it, and so whenever she comes up on screen I have to like shield my eyes and block my ears because I don’t want to be spoiled :/

(ETA: this was a thorn in my side for so long, it’s a relief to finally not have to worry lol)

and now our second place winner from the previous match, Todoroki, who’s worth... 205 points

this is like fucking Quidditch. why even have other parts of the game. just everybody go after the damn snitch

not wasting any time, I see

honestly it’s kind of a waste to go after him right off the bat, unless you’re Todoroki and your team has a nearly unbeatable defense. whoever gets Deku’s headband first is just gonna paint a target on their own backs. I expect Bakugou to go for it anyway, of course, but really it’s just stupid

and that’s, of course, assuming that Deku and his surprisingly excellent team can’t fend them off regardless

yes, Steel Ryohei, everyone does indeed know that

omg

you go, Hagakure. honestly, the odds seem pretty damn stacked against your team, but best of luck

god I’m struggling with Tokoyami’s name. but I won’t give up!! PLUS ULTRA

anyway so he asks Deku what they should do and Deku’s like RUN AWAY DUH

uh oh looks like that’s not gonna be quite so easy

this vizard guy appears to have a quicksand quirk or some sort. quicksand has always traditionally been a millennial thing. who gave you permission to take it

well, Ochako, better get to it

OH WAIT

LOOOOOOL I FORGOT ABOUT THE JETPACK

JETPAAAAAACK

jetpacks are also a millennial thing, but fine, just let all these gen z manga kids take all of our cool stuff then. that’s what happens when the series is being written by a millennial, I guess

I sure hope Deku is having the time of his life right now

Jirou is going after them with her headphone jacks lol. what are those gonna do

couldn’t even get close

that’s so cool that his shadow can take care of even the stuff they don’t see coming

I just went back to chapters 5 and 7 to check Toko’s rankings, and he got 9th overall in the practical part of the entrance exam, and then 5th in the gym tests they did with Aizawa on the first day. so he’s a pretty big threat all things considered

Deku does indeed seem to be having the time of his life!

I like watching these kids fly around and have fun

apparently everyone is weightless except Ochako! good job not puking so far, Ochako! you’ve gotten stronger!!

oh wow, bit of a jealous moment for her here after Deku offhandedly praises Mei

YOU’RE BOTH GREAT, LET’S ALL BE FRIENDS AND NOT FIGHT

Hagakure’s headband has been snatched! whoops

looks like that Viktor Nikiforov-looking guy has taken it

what was it even worth, anyway, like 20 points? just sit the rest of this one out guys

I guess it’s still worth going after everyone else’s headbands, given that second place, third place, etc. are still worth fighting for if you can’t get those 10 million points for first

here comes Shouji with his hidden Mineta

oh shit Mineta’s stupid fucking grapes have gotten stuck to the cool moon shoes that Mei made

just take them off then I guess

OH SHIT THEY’VE GOT TSUYU TOO

I FUCKING KNEW WHOEVER GOT HER ON THEIR TEAM WOULD BE GETTING THEIR MONEY’S WORTH

I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT LITTLE SHIT MINETA TRIES ANYTHING WITH HER IN CLOSE QUARTERS, I’M CALLING ENDEAVOR TO COME OVER HERE AND LIGHT HIM ON FIRE

ahahaha and here comes this lunatic at last

Kacchan also seems to be having the time of his life somehow

oooh! he tried to blast them but Toko even managed to block that!

lollll. never stop making weird faces my dear son

now Sero’s snagging him back, since he was just flying around on his own up there

apparently it’s legal for him to do that as long as his feet don’t touch the ground

so he can just go flying around all Tsuna-style as much as he wants, with Sero there to catch him at the end

do any of these pro heroes want this boy as their sidekick yet?? I’ll be pretty pissed at them if they don’t

(ETA: 3500 draft picks... I’ll take it.)

everyone is talking about how awesome class A is

and now everyone’s going “WHAT?” and “OHH?!” all of a sudden! what’s going on?

OH DAMN. SOMEONE TOOK BOTH BAKUGOU AND MINETA’S HEADBANDS

there appear to be two teams from class B with a ton of points all of a sudden, so I’m pointing fingers in that direction!

but worth noting that Todoroki has also amassed a total of 615 points now, so he’s clearly been busy as well!

Bakugou probably got his snatched while he was flying around without a care in the world solely focused on grabbing Deku’s band

oh wow it was even easier than that

THIS BOY GOT SOME MOVES HOT DAMN

and now he’s bragging about how class B purposely hung back in the first event and focused on observing the other class’s quirks instead

don’t go getting such a big head just yet, kid. come back to me once you’ve taken a stab at Izu’s headband why don’t you. you’re not the only one who hasn’t shown his quirk yet

also, what a stupid thing to be bragging about. again, the whole point of the sports festival is to show off. if you’re gonna hang back and hide then what’s even the point. I guess some of the pros watching might be impressed with your strategizing, but personally I wouldn’t have risked getting eliminated without getting the chance to do something to catch the audience’s eye

damn this kid is really going all in on his insult fest now

okay, this is at least the second time that incident has been brought up since Bakugou came to U.A. it was definitely a bigger deal than I thought. for someone like Bakugou, it can’t exactly be enjoyable to have everyone recognize you from an incident in which you were a helpless victim and needed to have your ass bailed out. that’s like the exact opposite of what he wants to be known for

and it’s a pretty fucking low blow to bring that up, no matter how obnoxiously he was running his mouth at the start of the competition. Bakugou, you have my permission to tear this guy a new one should the opportunity present itself

and now he’s snapped

I think this Viktor guy is underestimating what he’s gotten himself into here, but also Bakugou is most likely playing right into his hands by predictably getting enraged and forgetting about the real target

class B really went and created a whole rivalry with class A out of thin fucking air

well if that’s how it’s gonna be, I hope class A makes a comeback and shows everyone just why they were so hyped up to begin with

uh oh, now Deku’s starting to feel safe, what with everyone going after other teams. MISTAKE

oh dang

:D :D :D this is so much fun. GO ON AND RASSLE THEN

BONUS: 

MY GIRL MIDNIGHT

“FAVORITE THINGS: VIBRANT YOUTH, THRILLS”

LOL SHE WAS ALMOST THE HOMEROOM TEACHER

HER NORMAL CLOTHES ARE SO NORMAL, BUT I GUESS HER DAY TO DAY UNIFORM IS SO SPICY THAT WHEN IT COMES TO HER EVERYDAY CLOTHES, SHE JUST WANTS TO RELAX AND CHILL

I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HER QUIRK IS THOUGH LOL

(ETA: based on her use of it at the end of the finals, seems to be some kind of sleeping gas type thing that knocks people out)

[sleeplesslemon]

Lifemate Thingy

The most common asked question is this one. Almost every person acrossing me spend their minutes just to throw one or more of these questions. And no, they don't get the expected answer tho.

The ‘where is your boyfriend’ is being the number one among all questions. Like, why are people very curious about this? A lot of things can be asked but why this one? No, i don't mind being asked this way. I'm just wondering why people are really into this?

Don't get shocked if i remember every question asked. I mostly write and ponder them because sometimes (and most of time) i myself do not really know the answers.

Here are some similar questions about lifemate thingy and each of the answers...

1. You've been being single for the last 3 years, isn’t it bothering you being unaccompanied for that long?

Honey, the answer is no. I was not born to be a lonely just because i don't get myself a company. I'm better off and happier this way. I don't know why, but i'm sure i'm this way. 3 years without company might sound sucks, yet you don't and will never know what i did through for years. They could be my hardest. And the last year is the best part, i found myself is totally a strong woman (Sherry Argov said a strong bitch). Then i understand, God placed me in that situation just to tell me that He is never ever leaving me even when i'm thinking i might be leaving myself. Even when people might whisper “who would love a brokenness while there are a lot of perfects out there?” See... my God and I won the battle over the demons. I won myself back.

2. A lot of guys are into you but you're not into them. What happened then?

I might not into a person, just because what they have, or how they look and speak. What i'm totally into is commitment and that's the one i'm not ready with. Another commitments myself needs to fulfill are being success, independent, and passionate about things i'm passioning. I might do so hard for them that made me forget (or even block) all the other commitments coming. I truly need to learn more about being opened, maybe not to people but to things that are coming.

3. Why are you playing so hard? Not every man would get used to it.

My dear, i'm not playing hard. I AM HARD. And the word “man” is not the right word to describe them. Well, we don't talk about the vocab here. I have my own standard of the way i treat myself. Now think, you're working that hard for yourself, and now you're about to let people treat you downgrade? Not a chance. Most of people rely on their material thingy to get everything they want (let’s say to get girls), but i gotta say that i'm not impressed even a little. Just because you drive Mercedesz Bens or the newest Lexus, doesn't mean that's your first step of catching girls. Everyone might need to understand this... I'm about to love you, your naked soul. Not your materials. I can afford them by myself for myself, just don't worry.

4. So, what are really impressing you about a man? I might get you one that matches your type.

Hmmm.. hard enough to tell. I'm impressed by the way people look (at first, i'm not a hypocrite). The way they look so clean, neat, and professional gets me point first (I don't really like hypebeast but that doesn't mean they're bad. Everyone has their own taste, right?). The second, and what impresses me the most is their manners. The last is what i’m needing the most is their relationship to God. This one thing is the most of most important to me. He who loves me need to love God first over anything else, including me. So....yeah. And don't forget, he must be a gentleman lol.

5. Your type sounds hard, are they possible?

I don't believe in impossible. I know the way i treat myself and that's a standard to everyone else treating me. Less of it, must step far away. You don't belong in my inner circle.

6. When is your time to get ready for commitment? Seems like your family await.

Truthfully, i have no idea. I used to force myself to be ready then i know it’s wrong. I forced thing that was not really the time. Wasted much of my time, and the most painful thing is i kinda lost myself. Now, let God lead. I will be ready in His time. Don't worry. If you have much adrenaline, simply ask God, lol. He takes care of everything about me.

7. Now, are you okay being single when most all of your friends are not?

What makes me unfine? being single is not a sin by Bible, lol. If you're talking about age, age is not the reason everyone is getting dated or married. I'm not offending anyone, but take a look at those fail relationships, there are so many cases (also mine). I think it’s because people were in rush. Commitment is something you really have to take care (forever). The bigger is the commitment, the bigger is the responsibility. The important one is to asking yourself, are you ready for it or not? If you're to hard to answer it, look about how you treat yourself and around you. It’s the answer.

8. I think you can treat yourself that good way, still can't find ‘the one’?

I may find my one, but he is (or they are) not my God’s one. That's okay, I already left things in His hand, means i have to let Him doing all my things based on His plan. Easy, huh? Following what He wants and believing that He always leads.

9. How to know if you find ‘the one’?

If you've been laying yourself to Him, you will know it. I have no idea how to answer but i believe, if he is from God, He Himself will make you know.

10. Well, it takes time for you cause you have a lot of wants. Makes it harder for a man to have you.

First of all, things take time. I don't know if it makes them hard to have me. I once listened to person saying “you belong to God, fully belong to Him. Anything anyone who wants you, should come asking Him first to have you.” Well, i believe in this. If it’s hard to them to have me, well it may because they don't ask God lolll. I don't know what else to say, that one theory is what I trust the most. Tell me if there are other things that more make sense. Lol.

11. Aren’t you asking God too for a mate?

Well, who aren’t? But then like what i said, I'm still 22 this year and there is no reason to be in rush.

12. Your old partner who is 7 years gap, let’s say what if you have a man like him again? I mean, you're now 22 and not getting any younger, also him. If you get so, you're marrying a way older one? Is that fine?

The most horrible questions i frequently get, lol. First thing, i might say age doesn't matter but i also don't want the one who is too old for me (I just cannot connect to olds (mind or heart both lollll)). Let’s say 7 years, i was born in 1997 and if he has 7 years age gap, he is a 90′s kid. YOU KNOW WHATTTT...it’s fine because we are the same golden era (Y generation) kids lollll. Can say nothing also. But as long as he is from God, then what should i say?

13. Years gap might make you getting married sooner, babe. Lol.

At first i think so, because it happened to my latest relationship. But then think again, if you get the right person, he will understand that the commitment takes two to tango. One cannot move ahead if the other get stuck. This commitment is about two as one, not one forces the other one. Simple. And don’t forget, this kind of commitment is between 3, they are God, one husband, and one wife. Let every decision be made in God.

14. No, you can't. He is too old for not getting married soon and you should be pity for him.

I believe no one would marry an unready one. Age doesn't tell either we are ready or not. Getting married is a big thing, also things after married. Funny, huh? Think more about it. In case he rushes you to get married sooner, well i may say you get the wrong one. You have your standard set to yourself and others to treat you. If he can't understand you and treat you the way you want to be treated, then you know the answer. And psttt, you gotta treat him (and other people too) as well as you want to be treated to. That reflects yourself (and defines your standards). Anddddd..........tell people not to think about him because he is too old for not getting married. Tell them about you too who is too young for marriage lol. Sound fair, huh?

The conclusion is, everything is not about what people say, nor what people want. It is all about you, because people only see what they see. But you do what is coming for you. People speak, and judge. You have the whole things to do and worth to not be judged. When life gets up, people join to celebrate. But when life is down, people join to judge. You will never be right to people, and that doesn't matter. Just be right for yourself, and in God. People don't bear your things. Once you allow people to mind your business, it’s not your life anymore. It is theirs too.

So, cheers! Don't listen to negativity. Work well for yourself in God and let the right one from Him comes.

[fanciful-follies]

-yeeeaaahh the entire gang is back together and everyone is (kind of) ok (at least they're all alive) -hhhhhh Aaron is so hurt 😭 -THEO NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE A CAPTAIN -"However, I have no desire to see anyone else die on this voyage" oh hell yeah!! don't let anyone die!! -looool John and Lafayette aren't being subtle at ALL ("John flicks his eyes up and down the Android, a smirk slowly making its way across his mouth" i mean,, they could at least TRY) (1/?)

-nooooOO Aaron isn't just hurt physically, but emotionally too :( -the talk™ bc Theo has no idea what's going on, rip -and again the question 'why tf does Alex trust Aaron so much?' (... bc he loves him!!) -"'Because he protects me,' Alex shouts" !!!! that's so cute (and true) i loved that part so much!! ❤️ -yeeaaah!! Theo believes/trusts him!! -"'They’ll be hung' 'I’m sorry' she says softly a few moments later.'But there is no other way'" OUCH THAT HURT ME SO MUCH (2/?)

-'And if you ever need a recommendation' it's what he deserves 🙏 -HELL YEAH THEO!!! LET ALEX SAVE THEM!!! 😍😍 - "What happened?" "Jefferson beat the shit out of me, that’s what" yikes, have I ever mentioned that Jefferson is a piece of shit? 🤔 -"I’m sure he wouldn’t refuse a check up by Doctor Laurens ;)" love that they're all feeling good enough again to make jokes (and make fun of John for liking Lafayette lol) -HE CALLS HIM GIL THAT'S SO CUTE (3/?)

-"I can’t hate him. I just can’t" 😭😭 -the friendship between Eliza and Alex is so cute 😍 -I'm glad Alex let Herc know that they're all going to be ok :') -"What makes you think I want you to stay behind? I told you already, I don’t want you to die. I’m not...you really think I’m that awful?” stop!! hurting!! them!!! (and me) [but also this part was sooo well written i lov it] -"But I wouldn’t have traded you for it" :'( -HE KNEW ALL THIS TIME?? (4/?)

-Aaron thinks he's exactly like the people that have hurt him the most wtf 😭😭 -ok just,,, the entire conversation between them was so good and sad and?? i loved it so much they rlly needed to talk to each other -“Hell, I’d let you kiss me now” he'd always let Aaron kiss him tbh lol -"So I just...I need you to trust me, too. I think I deserve that" uuuh of COURSE HE DESERVES THAT!! (5/8)

-Aaron finally apologized for the things he actually should apologize for :') -YEEAAAHHH HE ACTUALLY TOOK SOME GOLD WITH HIM!!! -Bellamy says goodbye for Herc and Maria has to make sure they don't take hours, but Aaron is just saying goodbye to Alex all alone? Like... they'll take even longer lol -THE BOOK!!! I'M ACTUALLY YELLING WTF HE HAD THAT ALL THIS TIME?? (6/8)

-yeah they're kissing!!!!! ❤️💕 -Alex wants to go with him but he can't 😭😭😭 noooo -they're kissing again!! ❤️💕 -"what are you doing?" "trying to get you to change your mind" THAT WAS SO CUTE AND SAD WTF :( - “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Aaron.” stop making me cry smh (7/8)

-"This isn’t…we’ll meet again, right?" if they never meet each other again I'll just cry forever -LOL Bellamy and Maria must have been waiting for a long time (like I said, they took longer than Bell & Herc lmao) -Maria!!! 💕💕 -"Alex is left to stare at nothing but the open sky beneath him" hm. this is the saddest thing I've ever read and I'm dying. (8/8) OK THIS IS IT, THE LAST COMMENT!!

- AT LEAST THEY’RE ALIVE lol that is the mood for this chapter. - Yeaahh he is not doing well. - And lolll I know, such bad timing. - Theo does care she’s just pissed. - John doesn’t know how to be subtle lmao

- He is REALLY not doing well. - The theme of this whole fic is that no one has any idea what’s going on lmao. - He really does tho. - Alex is going to reflect more on why he cares about Aaron in the next chapter but y e s this was a big moment. - Tbh Theo is v impressed by Alex. - I KNOW RIGHT

- IT IS WHAT HE DESERVES. - And lollll Theo is in a tough spot, but she def doesn’t want to be responsible for Aaron, Bell, and Maria dying. - Jefferson is the WORST. - And lmaaoooo they are all just so relieved to be done with everything and on the way back home. - It is v cute,

- :D - They are best pals and I love them. - And yessss he had to let Herc know. Otherwise Herc would probably try to break them out, too lol. - Aaahhh thank you!!! I loved writing that part. -

- Aaron is going to have A LOT to deal with after this whole thing. - THANK YOU. And yes, they needed to have that talk. And, well, no spoilers, but need to talk things through even more if they get the chance ;p - And lmaaooo that’s so true. - HE DESERVES SO MUCH MORE. ALEX HAS GROWN SO MUCH.

- I KNOW HE FINALLY GOT THERE. - And lolllll right, at least someone did. - And lololol Aaron really just wanted to be alone with Alex ;p. - AARON IS ALWAYS KEEPING SO MANY SECRETS

- Had to throw in a goodbye kiss lmao. - And gah I was so torn with that. Like when I was initially drafting this fic I was gonna have Alex go with him but then I was like wait wait nah Aaron still lied to him and kind of manipulated him and Alex has his friends and his mom he wouldn’t be able to just leave them behind. - Lots of kisses x - I LOVED THAT LINE TOO lol. - Oh man, that scene was my favorite.

- You’ll find ooouuuttt :D - Bellamy was definitely eavesdropping that whole time. -  Maria is a gem. - I KNOW AND I’M SORRY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for these comments (and for sending them again when tumblr ate them lol)

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s May 2018 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

And we’re back for another month of reading! I didn’t do a lot of writing this month, but I read a LOT so this list is long! So buckle up, and let’s look back on the amazing fics I read this month! (There’s a lot of Tomlinshaw, but I promise there’s Larry too! Keep reading and don’t give up on me pls hehe)

but tonight (you’re on my mind) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 There’s a lot of Tomlinshaw on this list this month because I was wanting some awesome banter and high angst due to lack of communication and who does that better than Tomlinshaw? ANYWAY, this fic was almost too much for me hahahaha! Anitra has a way of writing that makes you feel every bit of pain and the anticipation building up to where I knew it was going was killing me, but DAMN was the resolution of it all amazing! If Tomlinshaw is your thing, defo give this one a try.

Know You Know You Got It Bad by @taggiecb / taggiecb This one had me cackling but also horrified at the amount of WOW THAT TOTALLY CAME OUT WRONG and misunderstandings, and that is exactly what made this such a fantastic ride. Another fab Tomlinshaw to read, should that be your thing!

Do You Smile To Tempt A Lover by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 A MUSEUM AU WHERE NICK PAYS HOMAGE TO PAINTINGS OF MAGGIE SMITH AND JUDI DENCH AFTER OGGLING LOUIS? Yes please. Featuring matchmaker Zayn. AND Louis secretly writes erotica during his lunch breaks? This fic is sooooo fun. A defo Tomlinshaw read.

A Royal Wedding by @reminiscingintherain / reminiscingintherain This short ditty is SO CUTE!!! A short and sweet Larry meet-cute surrounding the royal wedding. It is the best little fic snack to leave you feeling good!

We Used To Wait by @magicalrocketships / sunsetmog I read this as I was on my period and started it around 1 am. Both of these life decisions I do not recommend, because I ended up just shoving a tissue between my face and my pillow so I could keep reading without creating a puddle on my pillow as Nick freaked out in the hospital over Louis possibly not surviving. All the same, the fact I kept reading despite all of this should be one of the highest recommendations. This fic destroyed me and put me back together again in all of the best ways. A Tomlinshaw must read.

Somebody Hurt You (I Know A Place) by @writsgrimmyblog / writcraft I...well looking back on this I thought this fic was a lot shorter than it actually is because I devoured it so fast and it reads so well I had no idea it was 20k. ha! So, that being said: Tomlinshaw featuring amnesia. There’s a few of these coming because I NEEDED IT sorry not sorry. The structure of the fic was beautiful too!

loose lips sink ship all the damn time (not this time) by @mediawhorefics / MediaWhore THIS FIC OMGOSHHHHHHHH I loved it. Gosh I loved it. Secret relationship AGAIN, forced outing, exes to lovers, ALL THE EMOTIONS! The way Nick was written too just had me in LOVE. Sigh. Another fab Tomlinshaw with some incredible structuring that allows you to watch the relationship begin and fall apart all while seeing them come back together again. (I promise, there’s more Larry coming, please don’t give up on me lol)

The Disgruntled Novelist's Bodacious Pornographer (or, that time Nick and Louis were rival romance writers) by aliferuined This fic had me laughing so hard on my porch while my son played with bubbles he actually climbed on my lap to see if I was watching a funny video. I was crying and wheezing. This was just... the most hilarious. Tomlinshaw, again hehe

wait for me to come home by carissima TOMLINSHAW TIME TRAVEL!!! And it’s done in such a beautiful way! It completely satisfies all desires for knowing what happens where and I just LOVE it! 

Once every day your life starts again by blackmustache This fic also features Tomlinshaw amnesia (see a theme for me? lol) and soccer aid and secret relationships and Jay helping them find each other again, which is lovely!

Nobody compares to you by @headband-husbands / fallenflowercrowns (meggiewrites) Larry returns! haha It’s all Larry from here on out on the list, promise :) Tumblr AU! Canon Compliant! Best Friends to Lovers! What more could you want in a fic? I honestly don’t know, which obviously means I loved this one lolll

Seeing Blind by @sugarbabyomega / zedi BLIND ALPHA LOUIS, SAUCY OMEGA HARRY! Gosh this fic just. WOW. It flips between POVs and gives such a full and lovely feel for the entire thing. Involving surprise early heats! No Strings Attached hook ups that turn into Feelings! What could go wrong?? hehehe A new favorite A/B/O for me!

Stay Close, Hold Steady by @jaerie / jaerie THIS FIC FAM! It is one of my fic babies that I didn’t write. hahaha My random ramblings to Jenna as I drove in the car back in March might have helped form this amazing fic and I love it so much. “Brothers” A/B/O Larry fic involving finding your lost family, gender presentation, and so much more. Read while listening to The Tide. It’s a good choice. Promise.

Among Friends by @theficwritersblock / secretswekeepxx This fic, y’all. I’d never seen the film it was based on, so I was a bit wary going into it but IT WAS SO GOOD! SOOOO GOOOOOD!  Be prepared for the pain, the ridiculousness, stupid boys, and love conquering all. Duh.

And I Will Steady Your Hand by @icanhazzalou / kiwikero Another great A/B/O fic! Keri pulls out all the stops with late presentation support group amazingness and the changes and confusion/frustration that come with them, especially at a time of life where it feels like EVERYTHING is changing. It’s such a great fic. Defo read it.

All That You Are by @iamasphodelknox / asphodelknox Y’ALL. This fic. It’s historical fiction at it’s finest. WWII soldier OT5 and Shawn friendship and period typical homophobia and dreams and relying on each other and love and I keep talking and it’s just not enough. All the love for this fic. It is art and beauty and wow. Defo read it.

Getting Naked on Camera (NOT CLICKBAIT) by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses) This little thing had me giggling. A great, light little fic to help you smile on a hard day!

Bijou by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie Lauren did such amazing things with this! Micropenises. Who knew? I didn’t until now, but I can’t wait for the other fics that will eventually be a part of this!

my favourite colour is you by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses) SO CUTE. MUCH CUTE. ALL THE CUTE. It’s so soft and lovely and a happy place to escape.

Slow Hands (Slow Days) by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry This fic, y’all. Farmer Harry, Vet Louis. Softness. Country living. Good friends. It feels so lovely and yet I couldn’t stop giggling at the slow hands aspect of it. haha Defo recommend reading this to understand what slow hands has to do with any of this. 

Your Shadow Running Round by @harrystanslouis / harrystanslouis This fic is lovely! So lovely! Stupid boys who made stupid decisions and have to fix things are a soft spot for me, and that is definitely featured in this fic.

Run With Your Mind by @larryandgaystuff / larryandgaystuff (cnd8544) Another great story with such a great connection to the song it was written for! Full of stupid boys with feelings they aren’t talking about even though they really should. Maybe that was this month’s theme. Next month’s should be communication. HAH! 

Took Me by Surprise by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen This is a fic that Molly teased me with the idea for AGES ago and when it finally came to fruition I was not disappointed! Such an amazing read and a fic all around! The kid aspect was so believable and wonderful and just a lovely added bonus to the entire thing.

All My Friends Are Here by abrighteryellow This was the cutest fic! Pub quiz hosted by Harry becomes more than just a little appealing to Louis, despite the fact he doesn’t want it to be. A short little meet-cute to make you smile!

Mars Needs Irishmen by @fakedeepplantjerker / kassio Listen. This is a fic where the relationship tagged is Niall and Space. It’s got a great narrative structure and the story is so lovely! I really enjoyed it. So fulfilling and a great read!

maybe by @gaycousinlarry / momentofclarity This story!!! Two little nerdy boys who don’t think they have a chance with the other falling for each other anyway? Yes please. A beautifully fulfiling story considering how few words there are!

Beat the Odds Together by @ireallysawanangel / crimsontheory Cute! That’s all I can really say. It was so cute! A short little thing with surprising amounts of emotion packed in. 

walk down our aisles first by @jumperlouis / musketrois (B_kate) THIS. WAS. SO. SWEET. I keep saying that, but these short fics for the short fic fest gave me life when I was dealing with stress from my mom’s big open heart surgery and the aftermath of that. This was was particularly lovely as a meet cute with a slight twist to it that I really enjoyed.

Redwood Seedlings Prefer Full Sunlight by @polkadotsvstripes / polka_stripes Girl!Direction short fic featuring a meet-cute! I really enjoyed this one too. A fun quick read that also makes you hope they make it work hehe

Sea of Love by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords Mermaids and Princes! What more could you ask for?

If Anyone Knew by @marastarfar / StarFar Listen. This was one of the first A/B/O fics I ever read, and it was a WIP. A WIP I thought had been abandoned but then the amazing Mara almost made me cry by completing it! This fic is so great. Please be warned though, there are a LOT of triggers and it very much is a dark!fic in many ways, so be cautious before jumping in. Worth it if you can handle it, though! A great read, as StarFar’s stuff always is.

tell me what you need by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface This fic!!! I laughed hard enough to have my husband pause his movie and take out his headphones to ask me what in the world was going on lollll The pacing of this fic! It had me gasping and having to pause reading on numerous occasions so I could see clearly enough to keep reading. Definitely up there as one of the funniest fics I’ve ever read. 

Not yet a breach, but an expansion by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords GOSH THIS FIC! Heartwrenching and beautiful and so powerful in so few words! How?!?! I have no idea. Gorgeous and an amazing twist on soulmates.

when i'm pipe and slippers and rocking chair by nightwideopen Whoops. I lied. Another Tomlinshaw. Whatcha gonna do? This was such a cute little thing, though. Such a fun little established relationship fic hehe

head over feet by @kinglouisxxviii / theweightofmywords This fic was so good I went yelling in my GCs until I could find someone who know the tumblr associated with this AO3 and then I immediately ran and began screaming at Caryn, okay? Please read it. Love yourself. Read this fic.

Wish You Were Here by @undersummerstars / alittlewicked SELKIE HARRYYYYYYY!!! I need all the selkie Harry fics. Amazing. This one absolutely did not disappoint. I loved it and it made me crave more. 

Surrender to Seduction by @laynefaire / Layne Faire (HisDarlin) Layne’s tag “fast and loose with canon” had me giggling but those giggles stopped as I read this fic because the way she writes has such power and draw I was immediately in the story. A great read!

Until You Use Me Up by @fullonlarrie / FullOnLarrie OKAY LISTEN. Before I knew this was Lauren’s I read it and was just like FANNING MYSELF. It was so hot and so well done and amazing. It was just...amazing.

AND THAT, in reverse chronological order (because apparently that’s how I roll today), is a list of the fics I read and loved this month! Thank you to all of the amazing writers who shared your amazing works with us! You provided me with so much help in difficult days and entertainment. 

Please spread love to the fandom writers and leave them comments and kudos on their fics! I’ll be back next month with what will likely be a much shorter list lollll

[hansbekhart]

inventingthelie replied to your post “thatsmysecretduh replied to your post “Tell me one thing about...”

This is so fascinating!! I've been working in corporate communications, and the last company I worked for was a packaging B2B company, so we did a lot with supply chain. I also used to volunteer for an anti-human-trafficking organization, so I've been thinking about CSR but even more specifically about doing something similar to what you're doing: ensuring there's no slavery, etc. in the supply chain. Would love to hear how you got into this!!

Oooooh, that is super cool!  What organization do you volunteer with?  I’d like to do more volunteer work next year, once my life has calmed down a bit. 

My career path is kind of a weird one, in some ways? Or I guess it’s only weird in the sense that I’m your typical older millennial and have had a signifiant number of job changes. I graduated college in 2007, and was lucky enough to get a job actually in my field in early 2008 - right before the economy crashed. I consider myself genuinely lucky about that, even though that workplace was incredibly abusive, and have since learned that the workload I held would be spread between 5-6 people in a less horrible company. (The next two jobs I held were fairly abusive as well, lollll the fashion industry is so glamorous).

Anyway, I made handbags. My job title was mostly Production Manager, which usually entails being the master of the production schedule, sourcing vendors/factories and managing those relationships, product costing and negotiation, and customs work; but can also sometimes sprawl over into design & product development, laboratory testing & compliance, samples & merchandising, and directly working with retailers on private label programs. It’s not a job most people want to do because it involves a combination of diplomacy + being incredibly mean + 5ever lost in the weeds and minutiae of juggling a hundred very expensive balls at once, but I love all of these things so I was very good at it.  (My weirdest party trick is that I can tell you very accurately how much your bag cost to make.)

However, I also am a bit of a hippie despite appearances, and mostly when make small talk about working in manufacturing at a party, people will jokingly ask you how many children your factories employ, so when I was waiting out the process of my THIRD workplace to go under (yeah, the retail apocalypse is rough), I was offered a chance to come onboard the company that had bought them. They already had 200 people overseas who did all of the Production work, but they were looking to expand their Quality Assurance department and thought I was just the bulldog they were looking for. 

So I spent a few years building inspection plans for home products (dishes, furniture, toys, kitchen gadgets, shit like that), researching changes in global regulatory law and implementing internal policies in response, auditing our factories for quality & safety practices, etc. My team wasn’t very well liked, because we made everyone’s products more expensive and had forced a couple voluntary recalls. The company I worked for is very large (if you live in the US, you absolutely own their products) and makes a lot of stuff that is governed by different chemical & safety laws, so I was also the point of contact for several 3rd party QA providers who desperately wanted our business and the several $100Ks+ we spent a year on mandatory testing. I ended up constantly terrorizing with my demands becoming good friends with one particular sales rep, and when I was leaving the job I cc’d him on my farewell letter. He called me up about 10 minutes later to ask if I wanted to come and join his team.

I think most people who are in similar roles came to their jobs through Sales positions - actually, upper management was resistant to hiring me because I’d never had a client facing job before, but I know the laws real real well and sold myself based on the fact that I mostly talk to people who are in the same job I used to have, so I know exactly what they want and how to bend them towards testing with us rather than a different 3rd party lab. And now I get to talk about regulatory compliance all day!!  

I wish I got to do more anti-slavery and worker’s rights projects, but being that there’s not actually, you know, any laws in the US to prevent companies from using forced or underage labor to make their products, most of that stuff is 100% voluntary, and most companies opt not to spend the money finding out to what degree they’re supporting unethical practices. **sad shrug** It does give me a weird perspective on that whole “corporations becoming the conscience of America” thing, because that’s literally most of my career path?