#i never would have self harmed with the *specific* method i used had i not been given that idea from someone bluntly describing it

[bulldagger-bait]

This is my opinion, but I don't think it's a good idea to explain self harm scars to kids with anything except something like "they're from some old injuries".

(Im talking about scars which by their very nature are healed and therefore "old" compared to fresh wounds. Personally, i think its your responsibility to cover up fresh self harm if you're around other people, especially children. Not because of shame (though usually most of us cover up anyway because of that) but because it has the potential to cause harm to others.

Kids shouldn't be told that you injured yourself on purpose, and that the scars are from doing so. It just puts the idea in their head that that's something you *can* do.

Im not saying that conversations around self harm should never be had with children. I just dont think its a good idea to bring it up unless they've already thought about it themselves. Self harming is unfortunately socially contagious. I dont want to be the person that plants that idea in their head.

My scars are something that I can't hide, and i dont want to hide them because im not ashamed. Moreover, its also not feasible. Its not practical to wear long pants and sleeves in hot weather, or other such conditions (like swimming, or simple shit like rolling up your sleeves to wash dishes). Skin will be shown, and it can take a long time to get over the shame of self harm and feel comfortable exposing scars. Sometimes they're faint and not easily seen, but sometimes they can be discoloured or very noticeable. I don't think someone should have to hide, but that means that sometimes uncomfortable discussions will happen. Kids are curious, and they will ask questions. They're usually satisfied with simple answers. There's no need to tell them that your scars are from hurting yourself on purpose.

If they ask you something along the lines of, "did you get those from hurting yourself", then yeah, obviously, be honest but keep it age appropriate. But if they just ask "how did you get those?", then its really not necessary to open that whole can of worms.

[nyerus]

The Narrative Importantance of Hualian's Sexual Intimacy

This is a repost and minor edit of a thread I made on Twitter yesterday. This is a topic I have always wanted to talk about because of how often it comes up in TGCF fandom, time and time again.

‼️CW: mentions of sexual assault, self-harm, bodily injury‼️

⚠️Major spoilers for the entire novel ahead⚠️

---

Saw a question the other day on what relevance Hualian being sexually intimate by the end of the novel had to either the narrative or Xie Lian's character arc.

In short: it bears significant relevance, especially in context of other themes the novel explores like bodily autonomy.

Throughout the novel, we see time and time again that Xie Lian is often dehumanized by pretty much everyone—including himself—with the sole exception of Hua Cheng. I've talked more in depth about it in an old twt thread, for those interested. @/stalliondany on twt has also made an excellent recent analysis that goes deeper into the specific ways Xie Lian was used as a physical shield, martyr, or scapegoat for others without thought to his humanity or suffering. I highly recommend reading it first!

But to sum it all up: it's important to Xie Lian's character arc to keep in mind that he is used to seeing his own body as a tool to solve problems. And in crucial narrative moments, he is robbed of his bodily autonomy, and either brutalized or violated in service of others.

One of the plot points that ties together all these concepts is actually... Xie Lian's chastity vows. That will be the main focus of this post.

When he was a young teen (or possibly as a child), Xie Lian took an oath of chastity because such was the norm for cultivators seeking ascension in Xian Le. To Xie Lian, even as he grew older, he never had an issue with this because he just never felt sexual attraction to another person, or any desire to be intimate in that way. Even if he yearned for the concept of being loved. And indeed, at first glance, his chastity vows may seem like nothing more than a side note. Or even a funny gag when it comes to Hua Cheng (later).

In reality Xie Lian's chastity vows are not only used against him, but paint a very disturbing picture with regards to his repeated violation.

The Land of the Tender scene is the most obvious example of this. Xie Lian's vows are directly tied to his spiritual powers, and because it affects how his followers see him. They place a high value on his chastity as being vital to his moral character.

For reference, an excerpt from TGCF vol. 3 of the English print translation, page 135:

Xie Lian's method of cultivation required a pure body. Those who worshipped the ascended cultivators who practiced this path were firmly convinced of the transcendence of gods untouched by earthly desires. If they couldn't protect their purity, their following would no doubt collapse and their powers would be devastated. It wouldn't be as serious as plunging from godhood to back to mortality, and there was still the possibility of recovery after many more years of cultivation—but with things as they were now, there was no time for him to sit behind closed doors and cultivate for years!

As a reminder: it is Bai Wuxiang who orchestrated this whole thing. Him trying to compromise Xie Lian in this way is horrific on many levels, yet that's not the main point I want to make here. It's that to preserve his "pure body," the solution Xie Lian realizes is to severely harm himself. To impale himself with his sword through the abdomen.

The juxtaposition of having to maintain bodily purity versus the gruesome violence inflicted on his body is extremely stark.

This grim contrast is no more evident than in the 100 swords scene. Where Xie Lian's body is literally brutalized and defiled to an unthinkable degree. To the point where he, quote: "no longer looked human." Yet he emerges from that temple physically "pure" all the same. His chastity vows were not broken, his body healed without scars. As though he was untouched.... And yet, he was completely destroyed mentally. It left permanent effects on him as a person. It's even worse when the scene is read analogous to sexual assault, as many have talked about before. I think that interpretation actually hits the nail on the head, especially keeping in mind the Land of the Tender scene and all the similarities between them.

Following the 100 swords scene, Xie Lian of course has a complete disconnect between himself and his body. I believe this is part of why he doesn't really feel pain, except when he is with Hua Cheng, who treats him and his body as one. As a person who is cherished, and loved. Hua Cheng is adamant in his adoring treatment of Xie Lian. Small injuries are also something he cannot tolerate because he knows what horrors befell Xie Lian in the past. (He was present at both the terrible moments mentioned above.) He will not let any of that continue, regardless of what Xie Lian says, because he sees it as injustice.

Xie Lian is willing to use himself as a tool to help others no matter the personal cost. He even thinks of it as something he must do, or that he deserves as penance. But Hua Cheng is the one person who asks "what about you?" He's the one that insists "your happiness matters." And it is Hua Cheng that takes issue with Xie Lian's chastity vows as being unfair, unlike everyone else. Regardless of Hua Cheng's reasons for this diegetically, symbolically it means a lot that he is the one opposed to this.

Just thinking about the chastity vows on their own for a moment: Xie Lian can indulge a little bit in stuff like alcohol, which isn't great to begin with for him. But he absolutely cannot engage in "pleasures of the flesh." He can totally have his flesh ripped from his bones, literally, but actually experiencing any kind of sexual gratification? Now that would make him unclean, and lesser.... Why? Because unlike everything else, that's something Xie Lian would do simply for himself to feel good. And what greater crime is there than to ever dare put himself first?

So Hua Cheng—being the one person who puts Xie Lian first above all else—thinking that such a restriction doesn't make sense is important. Hua Cheng being the person who Xie Lian breaks those vows for in the end is important! (Especially because it seems to have been an easy choice for him.)

And of course, the scene with Jun Wu and the Virginity Detector Sword™ has to be mentioned. Again, there's symbolism to be had! The perpetrator of two of the most physically violating moments of Xie Lian's life (both of which were sexual in nature; one literally and one allegorically) being the one to "check" Xie Lian's virginity... oof. Yikes. It's dramatic irony. It's deeply uncomfortable. Especially because Jun Wu probably wanted to know if Xie Lian slept with Hua Cheng, as he already knew Xie Lian wasn't the ghost fetus' father.

So it's once again a stark juxtaposition: of Ghost King Hua Cheng disagreeing with the purity vows, wanting Xie Lian to break them for himself and his own freedom. Versus Heavenly Emperor Jun Wu wanting to weaponize those vows against Xie Lian in whatever way he can, intact or not, to keep control over him.

Naturally, there's something to be said for the real-world problem with such purity vows being used against people, to judge their moral character, societal expectations, etc. Elephant in the room. It's very on the nose, so there isn't even much to say about it that hasn't been said already.

In the end, it comes down to how horrible it is that when Xie Lian tries to help others, it results in immense harm to his body every time. Yet he is expected to continue to bear it, for centuries, by others and also himself. Until he meets Hua Cheng, who helps him rediscover what it means to be happy, and to be loved. So yes, it's absolutely relevant that in the end, Xie Lian decides to break his purity vows to be intimate with Hua Cheng. That he's able to put himself in Hua Cheng's hands, and let himself be treated with affection and desire. It's Xie Lian finally forgiving himself, and beginning to heal.

[anitoko-17294]

some fun facts about Bitter Cacao Cookie (Aka, Fallen-hero!Dark Cacao Cookie)

@xaytheloser @rosejigglypuff76

Providing you both some more of the goods

His outfit is a reference to Our Lady of Sorrow, a catholic devotion and popular religious theme (Kinda fitting since Bitter Cacao is the beast of sorrow)

He has never actually done anything to harm his kingdom directly, but rather chooses to do so indirectly in order to not draw attention to himself (And yes, this has failed), one these methods of attacking his kingdom includes sending out vines covered with purple flowers that, if you made the mistake of smelling them, you too would feel an endless need to mourn

See that crescent-shaped beauty mark on Bitter Cacao's cheek? This is actually based off a headcanon I have that he had been connected to Moonlight Cookie back when he was known as Dark Cacao Cookie (And yes, Moonlight Cookie is aware of what happened to Dark Cacao, and even to this day, she is hellbent on bringing him out of his anguish-induced stupor)

His senses are sharper than usual (His hearing in particular to be more specific), so even a sudden loud noise is enough to trigger a crying jab in the king

His sense of self-care? Besides showering, his sense of self care is basically non-existent

BONUS: The statuses of the other dark cacaoians (And those who are aware of the situation)

Snowberry Cookie (Oc of mine): Yes, she still loves him, even after he made (multiple) attempts to plunge the kingdom into a literal version of the Great Depression. She tries to find normalcy in her and her husband's usual routine, even if it does mean having to be given stares of concern from the kingdom's citizens. She’s also the one who always reminds Bitter Cacao to take care of himself since he tends to forget about his own health psychically and mentally even before he became a beast

Licorice Cookie (I’m just gonna assume he lives there): Keeps an eye on the kingdom's walls (Along with calming the Licorice Monsters down if they start getting too restless as Bitter Cacao is incredibly sensitive to loud noises). Keep in mind that he’s doing this mostly out of pity for the king, as well as the fact that he had left the Cookies of Darkness alongside Affagato after hearing about the status of the kingdom (Spoiler alert: It’s not good, AT ALL)

Affagato Cookie: As per mentioned, he too had left the cookies of darkness to return to the Dark Cacao Kingdom because again, kingdom wasn’t exactly in good spirits. He’s not liked AT ALL by the other citizens, given how he had attempted to take over the kingdom, as well as nearly screwing the Creme republic over. He does at least manage to keep in contact with Cream Unicorn Cookie, so at least he’s not totally alone. He also tries to help out the kingdom by attempting to cheer the king up, and though his attempts rarely succeed, when they do, he swears that he can see the tiniest smile appear on Bitter Cacao's face

Milk Cookie (His tribe lives near the Dark Cacao kingdom territory, so it technically counts): He tries to be optimistic, but with the fact that Bitter Cacao had plunged the entire Dark Cacao Kingdom into a literal Great Depression, alongside the so-called "disappearance" of Dark Choco Cookie, he's not exactly in good spirits, though he wouldn’t ever admit so

Espresso Cookie (They’re an ancestor to the coffee tribe, so again, it counts): She had initially trekked to the dark cacao kingdom to see their ancestors (Aka, the coffee tribe), but decided to stay in the kingdom in order to find a way to bring Bitter Cacao out of his anguish-induced stupor. They stay with Affagato cookie (They’re basically roommates)

Also, if anyone asks, I hc that Espresso is a transwoman who uses she/they

Cocoa Cookie (She’s technically a cacaoian): She actually wasn’t aware about what was going on until a relative who lived in the kingdom gave her the news, and to put it mildly, she’s a nervous wreck about the ordeal

Mint Choco Cookie: He tries not to let the stress of the situation in his home kingdom get the better of him, but that’s easier said than done

Caramel Arrow Cookie: She's often quoted as the mom of the royal family, as she, alongside Snowberry Cookid, are often the ones who constantly pesters Bitter Cacao to take care of himself, with C. Arrow even resorting to dragging him to bed or the dinner table if she has to

Crunchy Chip Cookie: …he doesn’t like to talk about it

Stormbringer Cookie: She honestly didn’t even know about the situation in the dark cacao kingdom at first until she smelled one of the sorrow flowers by accident and wouldn’t stop crying for DAYS. She often tries to help the kingdom by giving travelers a stern warning about the sorrow flowers, as well as often trying to cheer up Bitter Cacao anytime he visits the Chococake tower by offering him Cotten candy clouds

Dark Choco Cookie: ………lets just say you don’t want to know

[vixenbydestroyboys]

idk if anyone was wanting an update, but if you remember from my old account, I talked about how my boyfriend and I came to an agreement that I can $h but with certain restrictions to work towards harm reduction.

it's still going really well! I've gotten my $h sessions down to about once a month, were much happier in our relationship because I don't have anymore secrets or things we can't talk about, and I'm doing a lot better than I normally would when I used to be actively $hing.

for me, $h has always been a pretty private thing, when I first had my big relapse in December, I had a whole panic attack because he saw me bl33d while changing bandages. now that it's not as private, and I have to ask him if it's okay if I do it, it's taken a lot of urges away because it's not as "special" to me if that makes sense. I also have started to $h less in times of crisis because I can talk to him about urges instead of just doing it and hiding it and getting in that dreaded shame cycle. there's no more shame in it. I also have minimized my urges during disagreements and such, because it's a lot harder to $h if you have to ask out loud in the middle of an argument if you can cvt. it helps me curb those BPD self-destruction for attention issues and helps me face how genuinely toxic that is to do.

obviously there are new issues I have to deal with using this method of harm reduction. counting down days until I feel like I can do it again, trying to minimize my sessions and not make them hours long, trying to minimize damage to avoid needing medical treatment.

but all in all, this has been really helpful for me. if anyone has any questions to how we did this more specifically, I'm always open to it.

I'll have been $hing for 16 years in December, and I never thought I wouldn't feel any shame in it. and now I don't. and it's a nice feeling.

here's a photo of my cats first birthday, and first time eating sashimi

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"The host lady, she's the wife of Coli. She must know him, right?"

They go back to the main room and approach her

"Oh, you're back, um, i hope the room was ... business appropriate"

"Ah, yes, yes!, very appropriate, we did a lot of business!"

"God, Oliver..."

"... Are the sheets, um"

"We were just chatting! We needed a private room to discuss our joint business!"

"This is true. I have never seen this man naked in my life"

"Thanks. For that input. Oliver."

"... Right. Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes, answers, specifically about husband"

"Are you some sort of reporter? A cop?"

"We are not cops!! We are private investigators!"

"Lady, we suspect that your husband might have used this event for his own plans"

"...That's a fair assumption"

"So it's true?"

"Why do you want that information?"

"Because I was also invited you-!!!"

"Hey hey hey partner, this is not an interrogation.

Excuse my silly friend here. He's not very experienced.

The truth is, miss, we see that this is a museum funding, but the number of people does not seem to reflect that.

Seeing as the man that invited us with such a weird letter is nowhere to be seen, and the last time someone heard from him was right out of jail, we fear that this might be a plot to harm everyone here."

"I know this sounds farfetched, which is why we are currently investigating his previous crime, We were wondering if you anything about the speedrunning incident?"

"... So this is a plot."

"Uh, could you elaborate?"

"The museum wasn't supposed to be here.

The previous owner, Dr. Díaz, wanted this building demolished, so I planned it to make it in the village"

"But one day, the people in the municipality received an email from Eugene saying that we are working together and that we should use this house instead to preserve history or something.

Of course, they believed him.

I didn't think much of it. Well, I didn't want to think much of it, I just wanted this done, even with his meddling.

If this really is some giant secret project by him to do who knows what, I wouldn't be too surprised."

"But why would he do something like that? Aren't you his wife?"

"Ex-wife, and to annoy me, I guess.

He might talk about himself as a self-made man, but truly, all his projects had me involved.

When I decided to settle down and focus on our children, he got really angry that I wouldn't keep aiding him in whatever crazy stunt he wanted.

He seemed betrayed, the dickhead.

So he's probably angry at me doing big projects again after we divorced and is trying to sabotage it"

"Wow, what a child"

"But to cause harm...?"

"Miss, he has harmed multiple workers already. This is, frighteningly, possible."

"... I don't know why he did that.

He cared a lot about his public image, so I don't know why he would do something that would make him look like such a fool. It's very unlike him"

"That puts us in a spot. If he changes his behavior so easily, we might need alternative methods to deduct his next moves.

How can it be that there's no motive? Is he really just a big fan of speed running?

Although there is another possibility."

"Mr. Oliver?"

"Ah, yes?"

"Is he really going to hurt us?"

"Kill us?"

"...We think so."

"There is something I would like to ask of you"

"Um, right now?"

"Seeing as this might very well be my last night on earth, I have some issues to solve with certain people.

While I talk with someone here, could you please bring me my children? They are in the mansion, but I don't know where. Or if they even would talk to me if I went to them."

"We can do that"

"And something else, you are a man of the law, are you not?"

"... I know the law, yes"

"If anything happens to me, could you take care of them?"

"Wha- You want me to adopt them?!"

"Not necessarily.

If I'm gone, then his father would be in charge of them. In that situation, I need you to fight so his sister, Nina, gets full guardianship of them. A man that's been in jail so recently will not be seen as suited for children.

If both of us are gone, then...

Would you make sure they go somewhere nice?

Owen is a great friend, but his family is not suited for raising 2 more children.

Simon is just 15. He's a nice boy, a bit shy but very kind and helpful, he loves cooking! He might even surpass my own!

He's in that age where he gets in all sorts of trouble. He and Owen are banned from 3 supermarkets just from messing around with the shopping carts. These kids, I swear.

He... He needs someone to care for him, someone who will see him for who he is and love it, without conditions or compromises."

She's starting to tear up

"And Nadia, she's 17 now. That's a very difficult age for anyone. She wants to be a film director, you know! She has all kinds of cameras!

She got most of the traits of her father, his determination, his passion, his ambition.

His eyes.

But don't let that fool you. She's a complete cuddle bug and Nina's girl.

She's still growing, trying her best to thrive in a world that gets more and more difficult, I dont want her to go through it alone.

She needs someone to support her, someone who will see how great she is on her own and be there to help."

"They are my little berries"

"I know I ask for a lot, but you understand, right? The need for your children to be okay?"

"...Yeah, I definitely understand"

"But it won't be necessary. We'll get to the bottom of this, so no one gets hurt"

"I hope so, not to bring you down, but sometimes it really feels like we'll get hurt regardless.

Like we were already hurt."

"Ah, you imagine death so much it feels more like a memory?"

"Is that a common phrase?"

"Uh, I dont know, I just saw it in a funny sonic video..."

She laughs, and smiles

"Im glad to know they will be in good hands. You seem like a good man"

"I wish they had a good man as a father"

They say their good-byes and go to find the teens

"Oh. Uh oh. Oh no.

This is bad. This is a terrible moment for that fear to appear.

Why now?? I know it comes and goes but why now???"

"You seem worried"

"I am being haunted by thoughts"

"I wouldn't mind said hauntings to be shared, I mean, we are being hunted for sport. What could be more worrying than -"

"Fatherhood"

"Oh. Yeah, no, that's bad"

"Not to, you know, move the problem from 'being hunted for sport' to 'Adult life is getting to me', but you dont mind if we worry about normal things while we walk?"

"I love to ignore my current problems with another"

"Exactly! So you see, I am 28, all my friends are getting married and having kids, my parents were already having their own house at this age and all I have to show is a boring Grinder profile that I use to order food.

How am I supposed to do all that adult stuff when Im not even sure I would be a good romantic partner? Let alone a good father??"

"Don't ask me, the closest thing to a father figure I had was a history teacher and a life-size statue of Ronald Mcdonald.

You seem like the type of guy who has a decent father, shouldn't you know?"

"Well, he would pat me on the back and go fly kites with me and tell me not to act too gay or fidgety in school"

"Oh, so it's not too different"

"Was Ronald Mcdonald also midly homophobic?"

"I mean, someone wrote gay slurs on him one time, so pretty much the same thing"

"Are we supposed to be homophobic now??"

"I don't know! Do the parenting books say so?"

"All parenting books say different things!"

"Alright, alright, don't panic, I have a plan"

"First, we find a pre-child, something that's like a baby, but to its bare essentials"

"A cat"

"Exactly"

"I already have a cat"

"Really? What's the name?"

"Alright, we get another cat with an equally silly name"

"Then we find a parenthood book and use all the hacks they have"

"Oh, I see, then we see the result and try another book with another cat!"

"Yes! eventually, we will have enough knowledge for the ultimate parenthood guide"

"What will we do with all the cats?"

"Donate them to Vivi"

"Then we get a child?"

"Yes, then we get an actual child"

"What if, hypothetically, the child does not behave like a cat"

"Then we come back here, lay down and wait till the maniac kills us"

"Oh yeah, that guy, you think any parenthood guide has anything to deal with being hunted for sport?"

Ángel can't keep the bit going and breaks in laughter

"Wow, this guy has a terrible sense of humour"

"...I'm glad. It's nice to see him happy. He deserves it"

"It really is a nice smile...

He has nothing to worry about. He would be a great romantic partner"

"Hah, it really seemed like we were talking about getting kids together"

"Or cats.

It would be nice to have a cat with him..."

"In a completely friendly platonic business way, of course. With a fellow colleague.

This is not the time for feelings. The only feeling allowed is adrenaline, and that's not even a feeling! That's how banned they are!!"

They walk to a lounge area and find Simon with Owen.

[possiblymiranda]

Ask Game (All of em)

chipotle order?

thoughts on veganism?

a specific color that gives you the ick?

mythical creature you think/believe is real?

favorite form of potato?

do you use a watch?

what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home?

do you have a skincare routine (and how many steps is it)?

on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice?

anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%?

first thing you’re doing in the purge?

do you think you’re dehydrated?

rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

your boba/tea order?

the veggie you dislike the most?

favorite disney princess movie?

a number that weirds you out?

do you have an emotional support water bottle?

do you wear jewelry?

which do you find yourself using, american or british english?

would you say you have good taste in music?

how’s your spice tolerance?

what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

last meal on earth?

preferred pasta noodle?

ask me anything !

ALL OF THEM? 💀

1. Chicken Bowl with White Rice, Fresh Tomato Sala, Sour Cream, and Cheese

2. I would do it too if I had that level of self control

3. Blue

4. Loch Ness Monster not so much because I believe it’s real but out of all of them I think that one is the least harmful so it’s the safest one to exist lol

5. I love all potatoes equally; mashed potatoes, smashed potatoes, baked potatoes, garlic potatoes, french fries, sweet potatoes, potato skins (so maybe the one I like the least is potato salad)

6. All my watches have dead batteries RIP

7. Jellyfish I could watch them for a million years

8. The real question here is who doesn’t have clothes they only where at home

9. My skincare routine is the cheapest face wash I could find any time I take a shower yet I have 50 skincare products sitting in my Amazon cart waiting for the day I win the lottery

10. I have never been offered juice on a plane lol depends on the time of the flight orange juice is a morning only drink

11. I wish I still had my childhood stuffed animal all my stuff was thrown away every time I moved

12. Nope can’t let capitalism win

13. Staying home playing animal crossing

14. 24/7

15. this one is kinda psychotic I did not read this list before reblogging I just really wanted to tell everyone my Chipotle order so someone can bring me some

16. mint chocolate chip is the best flavor you cannot change my mind

17. I don’t have anything I do daily but I do have to do specific things in the same order every time idk how to explain it maybe for example washing dishes I have to wash the plates first then bowls then cups then utensils

18. I’ve only had boba once or twice I just get the brown sugar one lol

19. Broccoli

20. Mulan

21. My social security number

22. When I worked in office I had an emotional support off brand metal cup

23. No I can’t afford ones that don’t break all of mine are broken

24. American

25. No I vibe with every song on the planet like wow someone really wrote these lyrics someone really sang this song I could never

26. I like to think I could handle anything probably not but I’ll try anything spicy

27. A hoodie and leggings I am so boring

28. Movie theater popcorn and a cherry coke with some peanut m&ms

29. Have y’all seen the heart shaped ones?

30. (Ask me anything)

[metalgirlrising]

Idk but the majority of "tumblr funnymen" on here is a bit cringe. Everyone's sense of humor comes from just....being sarcastic and referencing someone else's joke on here but they rlly aren't "jokes" it's usually someone else snarky comment on a specific conversation (the "you may be ___ but IM different." Is the only one to come to mind rn)

And I know it's sparky for ME to bring this up and maybe even cringe myself since no one is doing any harm and ppl are just having fun on Here but it just reminds me of when I was in highschool and I didn't know how to fit in at all. I didn't know hownto dress nice or have a sense of style or even knew how to socialise. Anyways I had language arts with these two white girls and they where snarkey as all hell. They where the type of girls who felt they where the cut above the rest because they made family guy references AND read books and got straight A's. I had once bought myself a pair of hello kitty glasses and wore them to school a couple of times. (Again I had no sense of style and was trying to figure it out but I knew I looked cute in glasses and this was the Era where girls would wear those 3D glasses u get at the theater and just take out the lenses anyways I just thought it was cute) and I remember they where making comments about me they made a comment about me loud enough so I could hear them saying "oh, you mean the girl with the FAKE glasses?" Within earshot so I could hear. A part of me was a lil hurt and maybe my self esteem went down a lil but also I remembering thinking 'man....what a fucking prick.' Like I KNOW they're fake I know that everyone KNOWS their fake. It isn't big news to anyone.

But the story doesn't end there. In the same language arts class the two girls grouped together with this scrawny white boy that would be tumblrs sexyman and would be obnoxious trio in the back making snarky comments making references that they think no one but them gets yadda yadda. WELL this one dude enrolled in our class he definitely did and sold drugs. On top of that he was genuinely funny. He even made conversation with me a few times and he was the ONLY one that talked to me during class. WELL.... somehow me,him, and the three snarky kids and I think two others got grouped together for a project. I already made plans so sit there and stay quiet and do my work alone but somehow the three obnoxious kids and the stoner guy got into a discussion about the "best method" of using a bong and these pretentious ass kids said that a water bottle is the most efficient way to smoke think we where gonna be like "ooooh and aaaah" cause they didn't think anyone smoked weed in this class and the stoner guy was like "are you fucking kidding me a water bottle are you dumb??" And continued to lay down hard how and why it was efficient at all and these three kids tried to chime in with some shit they pulled up from wiki pedia or something but this dude wasn't having it. Then he went "you guys obviously never smoked weed." And they where ALL quiet and all I could think of was "ooooooooooh" this dude redeemed me without knowing he did. It was great it was awesome because he was right!

I wish I spoke up then but lmao idk sometimes when I see certain posts I just think of those two gals

[tooweirdforyou]

Straw Hats With A Suicidal! Shipmate

message @pixelkittycomet » Hi, I love your stories/scenarios. I has an idea for my one piece fan character, (this is a bit touchy so idk) but I was curious how do you think luffy and the straw hats would react if their y/n crew mate tried to take their own life? Like they caught them just in time or something? Sorry if it's too serious.

-

Hello! First of all, thank you. And second, I wasn’t sure if this was a request, I don’t think it is- and I also took a look at your character and I think it’s really good. Also, wasn’t sure if you wanted together or separate.

I won’t dwell too much into this topic, since it’s very sensitive. I also changed it up a little bit. I did do something similar to this before though.

WARNING : mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, methods of suicide, self-harm, etc.

PLEASE USE CAUTION! NEGATIVITY AHEAD! PLEASE BE CAREFUL! I WILL NOT BE WRITING ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN, I hope.

-

Luffy

LUFFY wouldn’t quite understand. He’s never had to lose a loved one like this before..

“[Name]?.. what are you doing?”

The loud gasp that escapes your lips is heard as you snap up with wide eyes and turn around to face your Captain, who’s staring at you with eyes just as wide as yours.

“Why are your hands bleeding? Did you get hurt?” His clueless tone and the tilt of his head makes your heart pound against your chest, quickly shifting to hide your hands from his sight.

“Luffy!- blood? I, I don’t see any blood. I’m fine, really. Why are you here again?”

“I.. came to see what the noise of crying was coming from.” He mutters out almost inaudibly, his eyes widening by the second at the slow realization.

You, hiding your hands with teary, puffy red eyes and the bloody water filled sink.

The first thing Luffy felt was rage.

You, of all people, were thinking of doing something like this? What could be so horrible to take it this far and deliberately hurting yourself?

And why didn’t he see this sooner, so he could stop it?

But instead of lashing out at you, he lowers his head to hide his face, and slowly walks towards you, before eventually jumping at you, and lunging to wrap his arms around your body, forcing the two of you onto the floor.

With his tight embrace around you, Luffy leans into your ear and you were able to hear his weak voice to you.

“I’m sorry..for not noticing sooner.. so please..” his voice cracks and you sensed he was crying with his frail, trembling voice.

“Please don’t hurt yourself anymore..”

-

Nami

Nami wouldn’t even know how to react, she’s just stunned but once realization hits, genuine fear and panic flashes in her eyes and she’s yelling at you desperately.

The navigator was simply hoping to rest and relax in the aquarium lounge.

So when she walks through the door, she’s not expecting the sight of you trying to take your own life.

“W-What are you doing...?!”

Quick to react, Nami pulls out her Clima-Tact and fires a lightning bolt towards the suspended tied rope before you could even stick your head through the loop, successfully burning the rope.

“Nami! What are you doing here? Why’d you do that?!”

Hearing you made her scoff in disbelief, glaring at you through her quick teary eyes.

“You’re asking me why I did that?! Are you listening to yourself?!”

If you still didn’t listen and insisted on arguing, Nami doesn’t hesitate to slap some sense into you.

“HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE!?”

It would be silent as soon as she slapped you.

“I can’t believe you’d even think about this!”

Her voice is weak and she’s trembling, yet her cries and glares didn’t falter for a second.

Tears continue to stream down her face as she wipes them away, before she lunges herself at you.

“Are you trying to make us suffer by doing this?! Did you even care to think how we feel? How I’d feel?..”

Her lectures didn’t stop, even through her sobs.

“Don��t you.. EVER, think about doing this again! Okay?!.. just.. just come talk to me.. you idiot..”

-

Zoro

Zoro tends to yell because he doesn’t know how else to comfort or cope, and it’s just the stress he’s feeling from almost losing you.

The swordsman let out a heavy sigh as he climbs up to the crows nest after taking a quick break for a drink.

As soon as his head pops up through the little door to enter, he’s startled to find you, playing with one of his swords.

Specifically, the Wado Ichimonji.

Though, perhaps “playing” wasn’t the correct term. Either way, the sight of you angling it towards your neck to slice was something that instilled pure paralyzation and shock into him.

“What..-“ Zoro sprung into action, immediately jumping to push the sword away from you, shoving you away and onto the couch of the crows nest.

The impact forced into you from the shove made you grunt, knocking the air out of your lungs as you peer up at your assailant.

“Zoro? What are you doing?!”

“That’s my line, dumbass! What the hell was that just now?! Huh?! Were you really planning on taking your own damn life here?!”

“Shut it! You have no idea what I was planning!” You retort and Zoro scoffs. “I think I had a pretty good idea.”

“Tch. Even then, it’s not your problem!-”

“Of course it’s my fucking problem, [Name]!” That shut you up.

Zoro let out a deep breath and stared at you with his piercing eyes.

“Did you even think about how the people on this ship would feel? If they saw you doing something like this?.. what about Luffy? Did you give a damn about how our dear captain would react if his precious crew member, that he took the time to know and recruit to his crew, took their own life without an explanation?”

You didn’t say anything. You felt the tears brimming your eyes at him but you couldn’t say anything.

“Damn it, [Name]..” The swordsman looks down, shadow casted over his eyes and the clenched fists he had made his nails dig into his skin, veins forming.

Eventually, he slowly relaxes and walks to you, seeing your teary eyes and knelt down in front of you.

“Don’t fucking do this again, okay?.. please.. please don’t leave me alone like this...”

-

Sanji

Sanji would burst into tears the instant he realized it, all the regret and pain burying itself into him for not noticing your pain. He’ll beg you to stop. But he’ll definitely be yelling / comforting too.

The chef who wakes early to get started on breakfast for the day, whistles a quiet tune while brushing away the morning drowsiness.

And due to his exhaustion, when he opens the kitchen door, he doesn’t believe his eyes at first, but a quick second glance lets him know it’s real.

Seeing you, standing over the sink with a common kitchen knife ready to cut. Definitely not vegetables.

“[N-Name]-chan... what..”

The panicked expression you held while you snapped your head up towards him made his heart break.

“Sanji! You’re up early..” Sanji watches as you frantically move to hide the knife and rinse your hands, as if you were merely washing up.

“I just thought I’d help you out a little bit is all! Since you’re here, let’s get started, yeah?” You let out a awkward, nervous laugh and turn off the water.

Sanji felt tears brimming his eyes when he realized just what you were about to do. “[Name]-chan.. were you.. just..”

He’s in utter shock and disbelief, the pained look his eyes held made your heart sink to your stomach at the sight.

“How can you do this? What happened? What made you even think of doing this?”

Sanji didn’t hesitate to rush to you, grabbing you by your shoulders and tightening his grip. “Tell me, [Name]! How can you go so far as to attempt to do this?!”

Tears are cascading down his cheeks rapidly, before he pulls you into his chest in a tight embrace.

“Please don’t lose value in your life like this, [Name]-chan.. you deserve to live.. don’t take this for granted..”

Sanji can feel his shirt start to get wet but he didn’t care, rubbing your back and hiding his teary face. “Whatever it is you’re suffering from, i will help you through it. I promise.”

-

Usopp

Usopp would be frozen and panicking in the spot, before shouting at you with pleas and blabbers, before forcing you by tackling you to the ground.

Seeing you standing on the edge of the railing catches the sniper off guard. He was simply leaving his room to go to the bathroom when he sees you.

The moonlight is shining down on your form, and if Usopp wasn’t so concerned and didn’t have a sinking feeling at the sight of you, he might’ve thought you were a goddess.

“[Name]? What are you doing up? Get down before you fall!”

Upon being deeply lost in thought, you barely heard Usopp’s voice but managed to catch it.

You turn around to face the sniper and you offer a weak, teary smile which startles the poor guy. “..Usopp.. I should ask you that.”

Instead of responding, he widens his eyes and runs over. “Hey, were you crying?.. why? What’s wrong, [Name]? Should I go wake the others? Or chopper?” He was internally panicking.

“I’m fine.” You cut him off and turn back to the sea, shifting your weight as your smile fades and you stare at the water below you solemnly.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Usopp, surprised, nonetheless nods and leans against the railing beside you, still hoping you’d come down.

“Usopp... will you.. let me die?.. will you kill me?”

Silence.

Frozen.

His body froze. His mind blanked. His blood stopped circulating. Nothing could be heard but the ocean waves washing around the sea.

Immediately, Usopp did the first thing that came to mind and ran at you, wrapping his arms tightly around your legs to prevent you from what he assumed was jumping.

“STOP! I WON’T EVER DO THAT! DON’T SAY STUPID THINGS LIKE THIS! HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS AFTER EVERYTHING WE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER?! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS, [NAME]!”

Loud sobs were quick to escape the sniper’s mouth as snot and tears cascades down his face, roughly pulling you and tackling you down to the ship’s deck so you weren’t on the railing anymore.

“Agh- Usopp—“

“PLEASE DON’T EVER THINK THIS WAY AGAIN! I...” Usopp stares down at you before shutting his eyes tightly, tears flowing nonstops, his grip around you unmoving, as if he was afraid you’d disappear if he let go.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you..”

-

Chopper

Chopper would be screaming and sobbing endlessly, hugging your leg as his desperate pleas reach your ears.

Humming a sweet tune, with a carton of milk in his hoofs, the little doctor steps into his medical office and instantly, his once bright smile drops into a look of horror.

“[NAME]!”

Milk tossed aside, Chopper is quick to come bouncing by you slouched over, a half-empty flask of a green liquid in hand and your shallow breathing behind heard.

“Ch..Chopper.. hi..”

The little reindeer has pure fear lit in his eyes as he takes the flask from your hands and looks to see what’s in it.

“Why did you touch this?! This is a dangerous chemical, [Name]!” Chopper panics, fumbling through his book to find a quick antidote, ignoring your weak protests.

How could you go through his things and drink the deadly chemical?!

“Chopper, stop..”

The little doctor wasn’t listening, tears blocking his vision as he tried to read the words and began mixing some of his liquids together to begin working.

“This,.. and this.. no, this isn’t right-! Where’s Traffy when I need him!?” Chopper cries as he frantically mixes the liquid, eyes flashing towards you in worry.

You didn’t say anything, closing your eyes and felt sweat forming on your forehead and felt your temperature raising.

Weakly, you manage to wrap your arms around Chopper’s little body and hugged him like a stuffed animal.

“Thank you, Chopper... I appreciate it.. but.. I’m fine.”

“[Name]...”

Choked sobs slipped from his mouth as he grips the flask tightly, persistent in finding the cure for you.

The chemical you took wasn’t completely unknown but it was still foreign enough to Chopper that he didn’t know how long you had or how deadly it even was.

“I’m not giving up. I don’t want you to die! I don’t know or care what brought you to do something as drastic as this. But YOU’RE MY FRIEND! and I don’t want you to leave me alone!”

“So please... don’t die, [Name]..”

-

Franky

The silence Franky has is painful, he’s feeling mixed emotions at the thought of losing someone dear to him again. He’s angry, clearly but he doesn’t yell at you. Instead, he shares his thoughts.

The cyborg stare solemnly, his sharp eyes boring right into your slouched, teary, and sobbing figure.

The blade that was once in your hands was now discarded, unused and forgotten. Franky made sure of that last second.

He walks up to you, looming over you from behind as he pulls out a tissue with his mini hand and holds it out for you to take, still keeping silent since he came in.

You eased your sobs a bit and muttered a quiet gratitude before taking the tissue. You weren’t sure what Franky was thinking and honestly, you weren’t sure if you wanted to know.

“..feeling better?”

A startled pause came from you as you froze for a second before relaxing and nodding. “..yeah.”

“Good.”

“Franky.. I-“

“I don’t need to know.”

Interrupting you, Franky continues to look at you before going around and sitting on the ground in front of your form so you would face him.

“I don’t know why you did this. I don’t need to know either, but if you want to tell me, I’ll listen. However, I won’t apologize for what I did just now, I won’t ever let you hurt yourself like that when I’m here.”

You stay quiet, letting Franky continue but his words are enough to make you start tearing up again.

“A life is not a choice. You should value it and keep living for the ones you love and for the ones that love you. Everyone on this ship is a loved one that cares about you and I’m sure you’re aware of that, but you must’ve forgotten. It’s okay to forget that though, because I’ll be here to remind you. Understand? No one on this ship wants you to do this ever. We love you more than you know.”

Wiping the shedding tears that continue to escape, you peer up at Franky and see him offering a genuine, assuring smile.

“So don’t do this again and live. You got an amazingly crafted and you are part of this SUPER~ pirate crew, the Straw Hats!”

-

Robin

Even if this has nothing to do with her whatsoever, Robin will never forget nor live down the guilt and regret of letting you even thinking about doing something like this.

Unable to sleep, the archaeologists was simply resting on her lawn chair on the upper deck, where her beautiful flowers laid.

Robin, resting her eyes as the sunset settles in the bay of the ocean, slowly disappearing. However, the quiet patter of footsteps creaking onto the upper deck made her open her eyes.

With one glance, Robin was able to see your figure quietly heading to a particular area of the garden, which was Usopp’s large plants, and also a view blocker.

Robin furrows her brows and quietly sat up, crossing her arms and shut her eyes, quickly forming a pair of eyes near you.

The sight of you hunched over, plucking at one of Usopp’s plants makes her eyes widen as she quickly sprouts arms.

“Cinco Fleur!”

Instantly, two pairs of arms formed and forcefully grabbed your wrists apart, a third pulling Usopp’s plant away from you and two more forcing you to back up.

“What the hell?!” You curse and struggled in the movement. “Robin?!”

“[Name]! What are you doing messing with Usopp’s poisonous plants?”

The historian shows herself to you as she continues to hold you in a bind, so you wouldn’t move. The pained and confused expression on her face almost makes you feel guilty, for you withheld.

“Poisonous? O-Oh, I had no idea. I thought they were vegetables!— Anyways why are you awake at this time??”

“I should be asking you that, picking vegetables at this hour?..” Robin mutters skeptically, tilting her head as her expression saddens.

“Don’t tell me you were...”

The turn of your head and avoidance of her gaze let her know your true intentions and she can almost hear her heart breaking.

“why?..”

You didn’t say anything and clenched your fists tightly, shutting your eyes and ignored the fact that she had released you.

“I’m sorry, Robin.. I can’t do this anymore..”

“To go this far? I didn’t think..” she continues to trail off, her eyes quickly becoming glassy and lost, painful memories of her own suicidal thoughts arising.

Robin sinks down to her knees and brings her hands to her face, tears brimming her eyes. “I don’t want you to do this, [Name].. you deserve so much and.. I want to keep seeing you on this ship.. I’m sorry.. I want you to keep living but I caused you to..”

Guilt became overbearing and you ran to her aside, engulfing her in a tight embrace, sniffling your own tears.

“Don’t, I’m sorry. For doing something so stupid with my life...”

Robin exhales gently and wipes her tears, looking up at you. “Say it.. please?”

You offer a small, genuine smile and nod.

“I want to live... I mean it.”

-

Brook

Brook feels great pain and sorrowful memories run through his mind, the thought of losing more precious people to him breaks his nonexistent heart.

The undead musician exits the bath, a towel wrapped around his hip bone to cover his lower regions and a towel tied around his hair at the top.

“Ah~ another refreshing wash from the bath.. I wonder how it’ll feel to bathe in a tub of milk.”

Brook’s walk was cut short as he notices you, attempting something quite dangerous that not even Luffy would try. Yet, something about it was familiar.

His eye sockets widen as he runs over. “[Name]-san!” Hearing the familiar voice, your startled self drops the object and it shatters instantly.

“Brook! You scared me!”

“Apologies... may I ask you what you were doing with that?..” Brook carefully asks, taking note of every action you made. He could feel how serious this seemed.

You bit your lip and turn away, kneeling down to pick up the pieces. “Nothing.. I just...”

‘Ah... I see.’

Distracted, you nearly jump when a few phalanges grab a hold of your wrist.

Brook’s tight grip forced your hold on the shattered pieces to release as he pulls it away and pulled you away from the mess.

“...” Even if you didn’t tell him, Brook already had a pretty good idea. He wasn’t stupid after all, his own crewmates often did similar things and it costed them their lives.

However, he could tell yours was intentional.

“Your life means more than you think.”

The skeleton spoke this as he begins to lead you to Chopper’s office, noticing you had cut your hand a bit.

“I don’t understand why anyone would take their own life deliberately like so.. no matter what the possible reason could be.. nothing is worth the attempt to take a life so precious, that you only have one of..”

Silence overtook you as you take in his words, feeling a swarm of emotions filling you inside.

“I won’t ask what’s going on but know that I and everyone else is always willing to listen...”

Outside Chopper’s office, Brook stops and turns to look down at you.

“[Name]-san. I’m sure you remember my backstory, right?”

You weakly nod, avoiding his gaze which he didn’t mind.

“Then you know that I am actually dead. However, I didn’t choose to die. Life chose for me.. and even with this devil fruit, I am given another chance at life, but at a cost.”

Tears were finally escaping you, silent sniffles being heard here and there as you continue to listen to him.

“Lives are not something to be taken lightly, and even if I am actually dead, I don’t regret this chance and am taking this opportunity to do better and I’m happier too. I’m with a new crew and family who I will protect and take care of, even if I die again to do so. You are one of them I will die for, if I have to.”

“[Name]-san.”

By then, you were a teary mess but that didn’t stop you from looking up at the tall musician as he offers his teethy smile.

“Remember. Your life means so much more than you think, hold more value for it. If you want to talk, I’m always here to listen and if you want a little song, I’m always happy to oblige.”

You muster up a weak smile through your tears as you nod and wrapped your arms around him tightly and gratefully.

“Thank you, Brook..”

His arms wrap around your smaller figure as he leans down more, smile softening as he chuckles.

“Yohohoho~! of course, any time.”

-

A/N : sorry this took so long, hun. Hope you still can see this when it posted it. I’m also sorry if it’s not great or what you expected.

I think the best one is Brook or Zoro.

[midnight-on-pluto]

I really really really love your writing and the way you portray the Bnha boys! It's really accurate (in my opinion) and always a pleasure to read!💞💖💞💖❤❤❤

This one is a little more personal cause I'd like to see it in your writing, but could you do scenarios about how the Bnha boys react to finding lots of self harm scars on thier s/o? Specifically outer thigh and with fresh marks.

If you aren't comfortable with this I totally understand and you are more than free to reject this ask!

Here is a cute baby to make up for any uncomfy feelings and to lighten up the mood

They Find Your Self Harm Scars masterlist

Genre: fluff/comfort/angst

Warnings: Self harm scars mentions, little bit of angst, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF MENTIONS OF HURTING YOURSELF TRIGGERS YOU, I have other writing that would be better suited for you, don’t feel pressure to read this just because you like my writing and want to support. Thank you 💕

A/N: Thank you so much! I really try my hardest to portray the boys well lmao, I love you very very much kisses for you 😙💕💕 Yes!! I used to self harm so this is pretty personal to me as well. Once again if you are triggered by mentions of scars please shy away from just this one! There’s much more others you can read, but if this will help you feel better then please read on, my work is for your comfort and I wouldn’t want you to feel triggered by what I write 💕

✄——————————————————————

𓆝 Midoriya is a very happy and bouncy friend so when he finds your scars he’s so sad. He never knew you were hurting and you never said anything, so he never knew until now. He just placed a hand on your thigh and looks up at you with sadness. You’re flustered with his hand on your thigh and embarrassed that he’s noticed.

He notices the effect this has on you and pulls away immediately, giving you a tight hug and telling you he’s here whenever you need someone. You always call him whenever you need him, asking for cuddles or hugs, anything. He doesn’t care if you cry on his shoulder as long as you don’t do that.

You rant to him and he enjoys listening, nodding and making slight comments. He’s become your new comfort item and to be honest, after time you realize that you’ve been cutting less and less…..

𓆝 Todoroki may be dense, but self harm scars and fresh cuts, are something he’s familiar with. It’s not something that he’s personally done, but Touya had a multitude of scars, which included ones self inflicted with a pocket knife Endeavour had given him. When he first sees them his first reaction is sadness. Not for you, but with you. The fact that you had been doing that without his knowledge made him feel like he’s failed as a friend, and he doesn’t have much experience with friendship fo begin with.

He figures the last thing you need right now is for him to vanish, or push away because of this. He wants to better himself, as a friend. He tries to talk to you about it one day while you both studied. “Y/N, I’d just like to ask about your scars, on your thigh.” He notices how embarrassed you get and it seems like you don’t want to talk. “I know what they are, but I just want to help you, you’re my friend right? How can I help you?”

The gesture warms your heart, you rant to him, talking about any problems you have. And he listens, he really listens. Closely, with intent, and he reacts to them, giving you helpful advice.

𓆝 Iida has never really seen self harm scars nor really understands it. When he first notices it he’s so confused, “how did you get those scars, Y/N? Those cuts look bad…” Luckily you two were alone when he noticed but you still get super embarrassed. He’s so confused!! How are you confused?! He’s so sorry for anything he might’ve done wrong.

You have to explain to him that no, it’s okay the scars are just really personal. Still doesn’t get it so when he heads back to his dorm later he 100% looks up “strange scars on friend’s thigh” into google. Then he understands. He’s kinda sad you didn’t say anything to him but he understands what you meant by they’re personal.

He doesn’t know if he should tell somebody else, but he doesn’t want you to get upset. He decides that he should just help you out and make sure you know he’s someone you can trust and confide in. He doesn’t stop you, but he helps suppress the need to hurt yourself.

𓆝 Bakugo is angry. Not with you but with himself. How could he not see you’re hurting? How could he not be there for you when you obviously needed him. He’s tried so hard to become a better friend, not only to you, but to all of 1-A.

At first he distanced himself from you. It’s obvious to him that he’s not helping you so he’s not a good friend, he needs to leave for you to get better. It’s only after he’s been ignoring you for a week that he notices you’re doing worse. He sees the bags under your eyes, the puffy red of your face as if you’ve been crying all night. He can tell you’re hurting more, and that’s what makes him come back.

After that he doesn’t leave your side. He’s there for you, always. Him distancing made things worse so doing the opposite should make things better, right? He walks you to your dorm, he comes to get you in the morning. The sweater you told him you liked, sitting in your closet now and it still smells like him. “That’s what people like, right?” He asks when you question him. Class 1-A always wonders if you two are dating now and Bakugo snarls at them before hurrying you both away.

𓆝 Kirishima understands. He’s someone who’s definitely thought about it so when you tell him, he does everything right. He understands and helps you patch up fresh scars, rubbing scar cream on the old one. He lectures you about infections and how you should always disinfect whatever you use after, then disinfect the cut too.

He’s there when you need someone, and he’s there when you need him to patch stuff up. Seeing what you do hurts him, but he’d rather know when you do it and know that you’re safe and sound from infection.

He becomes a shoulder to cry on and someone you confide in. After a while he realizes you haven’t asked him to patch stuff up in a while and he questions you. It turns out having him around has actually helped, any of the newer scars have been patched up perfectly by yourself, and even then there’s barely any! He gives you a tight hug and congratulated you.

𓆝 When Kaminari notices he’s immediately thinking of other coping mechanisms. He’s the king of coping and offers many different approaches. You first start to notice little colouring books on your desk after he leaves, then there’s a journal, then a cassette player with tons of different mixtapes, all made by him.

You do try all the methods but they don’t completely stop the self harm. He’s offered so many things he even mentioned masturbation, good lord this boy.

Only stops once you’ve found one you love. Eventually you do and he’s so happy! This doesn’t completely stop you but you do it less and less, since you usually do the other coping mechanism instead :)

𓆝 Shinsou honestly doesn’t care? Not that he doesn’t care about you! He just thinks that what you do on your own time is your business. He does prefer that you don’t, but he can’t stop you and he won’t force you to stop either.

He does stay with you more often, napping in your room instead of his, studying with you, just doing “random visits.” It’s sweet gestures that he gives you, but he never once begs you to stop.

He understands why you do it, since I headcannon him as doing it himself, in middle school. He’s since stopped but he shows you how he understands so you don’t feel so alone, it’s really hard for him but it’s all worth it if it makes you trust him more and feel less alone.

[the-littlest-goblin]

ooooooooh for fic prompts, could i request: essek interacting with Frumpkin, specifically playing with him (so as to impress Caleb and earn his favor a bit), but our favorite hot boi most likely did not have pets growing up and is at a bit of a loss with what to do. (bonus: Caleb sees this and thinks it's incredibly endearing)

I think you got everything you wanted. ft. my personal 'here’s how Frumpkin can still win’ headcanon.

----

This was not how familiars were supposed to work.

Essek may not have summoned one before (he’d never really understood the use of an assistant with no opposable thumbs), but he had read enough about the spell to know that this was not how familiars were supposed to behave. 

Maybe that was because Frumpkin didn’t technically count as a familiar anymore.

No one knew exactly what had happened, or why. Essek and Caleb had exchanged a number of theories on the matter, but so far the best explanation still went to Beau’s conclusion: “weird fey shit.”

After Aeor and the Somnovem, when they had all finally gotten a chance to breathe again, Caleb had done some sort of ritual to more permanently banish his familiar. Essek hadn’t gotten the full context at the time, but it had something to do with symbolic closure and moving on. The cat was already gone from the Material Plane at that point, but Caleb had wanted to remove the temptation to summon him again, and so devised a sort of reversal of the Find Familiar spell.

However, upon performing the anti-summoning ritual, the cat had appeared in the ritual circle as if Caleb had cast the spell as usual. Only instead of going to his master’s side, Frumpkin had sauntered away from Caleb with a swish of his tail and gone to sit directly at Essek’s feet.

“Hmm,” Caleb had muttered, the hint of a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. “It looks like he has made a choice.”

Ever since, Caleb had been unable to banish Frumpkin, or communicate with him, or give him orders. He had seemingly lost his magical connection to, and mastery over, the cat—Frumpkin was no longer his familiar, as had been the intention. It was just that Frumpkin apparently liked the Material Plane better than the Feywild, and so refused to leave. And since Caleb had let him go, he chose a new wizard to keep him company. For the next several days they had spent recuperating and planning their next moves, Frumpkin stuck with Essek, never straying from his side for long.

But, crucially, he did not become Essek’s familiar, a lesson they had learned quickly enough. Essek didn’t even have Find Familiar in his spellbook. He couldn’t banish Frumpkin, he couldn’t communicate telepathically with him, and he certainly couldn’t give him orders. 

So, Essek just had a pet cat now, one which happened to be fey in nature. Stranger things had happened—much, much stranger—so for Essek’s part, it had seemed easiest to just accept this development in stride. At times, he was even grateful for the cat’s presence. 

But right now, he was very much not. At least familiars were obedient.

Essek winced against the sound of shattering glass—a sound which was becoming somewhat routine since taking up residence in these new, temporary lodgings with Frumpkin as his roommate. 

Essek closed his eyes and took one deep breath before looking up from his notes to survey the damage. His gaze met Frumpkin’s round, amber eyes across the room, looking impossibly innocent where he sat primly on one of the tables which Essek had set up to house his research. His tail swished back and forth where it hung over the edge, acting like a flashing signal to point Essek’s attention down towards the starburst of broken glass glittering directly beneath him.

Mercifully, the beaker which Frumpkin had marked for termination had been holding a harmless and easily replaceable solvent, rather than any of the more valuable or dangerous liquids Essek had lying around in his provisional lab. His fingers curled protectively around the precious vial of liquid dunamis sitting next to him.

“Why?” He let the single syllable of the word stretch out into a long, bone-deep groan lasting several seconds. The question was aimed both at Frumpkin and at himself, and covered a variety of curiosities he had about the situation. Why did Frumpkin feel such a persistent desire to destroy Essek’s belongings? Why had he chosen to adhere himself to Essek in the first place, when he seemed to hold a deep disdain for everything Essek owned or did? Why was Essek incapable of learning the very simple lesson of locking the door to this makeshift lab? Why had he promised Caleb that he would take care of Frumpkin while the Mighty Nein dealt with the Assembly, instead of throwing the mangy beast out onto the streets of Port Dumali as soon as they had arrived at the safe house?

None of these were questions to which Essek was about to get any answers, so he tried another one.

“What do you want from me?”

Frumpkin blinked.

“You are still a fey being. You don’t need food or water, and as far as I understand, providing those two things are the pillars of caring for a pet. So, what else could you possibly need that requires my attention?”

Frumpkin flicked his ears.

Caleb had given Essek a brief overview of what to expect in terms of cat-care, but either he had chosen to leave out a lot of unsavory details, or decoupling from their arcane connection had put Frumpkin through a drastic personality change, because Essek had received no instructions about how to handle the kind of stalemate in which he currently found himself.

“You have my sincerest apologies, but unlike your previous master, I cannot read your thoughts, and your current methods of communication are lacking in clarity.”

Frumpkin’s tail began swishing faster. He broke eye contact with Essek to gaze intently at the row of jars lining the next table over. These were full of various concoctions, including some potentially dangerous acids, the results of Essek’s increasing boredom as he stayed hunkered down in his safe house day after day. He only ever went out for the duration of a Disguise Self to buy food or other necessary supplies; he was too noticeable to amble around the city for leisure, on the slim but ever-present risk that word of a strange drow in Port Dumali would reach the ears of Ikithon or his servants. Essek was under strict instructions to stay as hidden as possible until he got the all-clear from the Mighty Nein. With only the materials to continue his most basic experiments with dunamis, he was growing bored out of his mind. 

Essek heaved another deep sigh before reluctantly abandoning his notes and gliding over to where Frumpkin had stationed himself. With a short wave of his hands, the spill vanished and the broken shards of glass floated gently into the trash bin. Then, Essek unceremoniously lifted the cat into his arms before he had the chance to wreak any more havoc, and deposited him outside the door. 

Distraction removed, Essek made to turn around and return to his research, this time intending to lock the door to prevent further feline interruptions. But before he could do so, he made the mistake of looking into Frumpkin’s eyes again. The cat’s pupils gleamed, impossibly wide and round, and his tail was still swishing back and forth in an incomprehensible pattern, like some sort of code. A mixture of affection and guilt welled up in Essek, rooting to the spot.

Godsdammit, but he had promised Caleb he was going to take care of his cat, and that meant not ignoring Frumpkin when he was clearly trying to tell him something. Because even if Caleb no longer wanted a familiar to travel around with him, he still loved this damned cat, and also Essek was trying to be less callous and heartless in general.

He thought back to Caleb’s instructions with a fair bit of desperation, searching for some hint of what would make Frumpkin happy. All he came up with was a faint recollection, something about enjoying being scratched behind the ears.

“Is that all you want? Is that what you interrupted me for?” Fighting not to roll his eyes, Essek reached down for a pet.

As soon as he got close enough, Frumpkin lunged.

“Gah!” Essek snatched his hand back, nursing the sting of pain from Frumpkin’s bite. There was no blood; the little demons’s fangs hadn’t managed to break the skin. It could barely count as an injury, but the shock of betrayal hurt more than the scratch.

“What in the Nine Hells was that for?” Essek glared at Frumpkin, then noticed just in time that the cat was poised to strike again. This time, he only had to turn slightly to keep his hands out of harm's way, but Frumpkin wasn’t aiming for the exposed skin. There was a loose thread dangling from the hem of Essek’s sleeve, apparently caught by the previous attack. Frumpkin was intent on it. He flung himself at the thread, grabbing at it with his clumsy paws. It slipped through his grip, and he lunged again without hesitation.

Experimentally, Essek lifted his arm so the thread dangled higher off the ground. Frumpkin took the challenge to heart, leaping to grab it in his teeth before it slipped out of his grasp again, and he landed on the floor in defeat. Essek moved his arm over to one side, and Frumpkin followed with enthusiasm, this time managing to get the thread around one claw. The split second of resistance was enough to tear it from Essek’s sleeve. Frumpkin rolled over onto his back, victorious, batting his prize around in euphoric glee.

A grin spread across Essek’s face as he watched this display of simple delight. 

“I suppose you were just bored, too. Was that it?”

Frumpkin responded by biting the string with a vengeance. 

An idea began forming in the corner of his mind as he watched Frumpkin playing. Absentmindedly, Essek twisted his fingers and summoned a trace thread of dunamis into his hand, shaping and stretching it into a longer and longer cord of greyish, glowing energy, which he then dangled tantalizingly over Frumpkin’s head. The boring, non-magical string was immediately forgotten and discarded as Frumpkin caught sight of the dunamis toy. His whole body wiggling in excitement, he lunged at the cord again and again, pulling a genuine laugh out of Essek as he bobbed and weaved the magic around, dancing it out of Frumpkin’s grasp. He needed a break from his lab anyway, and this was shockingly entertaining.

---

“Well? How are they?” Just a hint of nerves colored Caleb’s voice, as it did every time they checked in on Essek. The fear that this time, the scry would reveal him not safe and sound on the Coast, far from the Trent’s reach, but somewhere cold and dark and threatening.

The faint glow faded from Jester’s eyes as the spell ended. Looking up at Caleb with a smile, she said, “You’re not going to believe this Caleb, it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Caleb grinned back at her.

[gimme-mor]

BETWEEN THE LINES: NIGHT COURT ELAIN & SPRING COURT FEYRE

*DISCLAIMER*

This is a really long post and based on my interpretation of the text.

This is strictly an analysis of Elain as a character because, in my opinion, there isn’t a lot of talk about Elain outside of ships and conversations about her character arc typically revolve around to whom she is paired, especially if that person is Azriel. She is her own character and gets the short end of the stick in the fandom because everyone is more concerned about who she’s shipped with rather than her as a character.

Also, anyone who is rude/condescending will automatically be blocked.

In ACOSF, SJM went out of her way on two occasions to highlight Elain not looking good in black. While it may be minor or insignificant to some, I think those instances were meant to show something about Elain specifically and what she may be going through in the Night Court. Elain has been a passive character for the most part, contributing to things in her own way earlier in the series. But after she was taken by the Cauldron, her safety has become everyone’s main concern and the other characters have slowly excluded her from courtly matters. In ACOWAR, this was understandable because she was traumatized and not fully present. However, as of ACOSF, Elain was still excluded from courtly matters with the other characters heavily relying upon Nesta, who made her reservations known, because they were on a time constraint and couldn’t afford to wait for Elain to reacquaint herself with her powers.

The fact that the other characters use the kidnapping situation to excuse their current actions toward Elain is eerily similar to the way Tamlin and Lucien used the Under the Mountain events to excuse Tamlin’s actions toward Feyre in ACOMAF. And the characters use Elain and Feyre’s safety to justify why neither of them should be involved. In my opinion, Elain in the Night Court resembles Feyre in the Spring Court because not only do they experience similar things, but both of them are (or were in Feyre’s case) in places that stunt their growth. Even though Night Court Elain isn’t exposed to all of the things that Spring Court Feyre was exposed to, the similarities in their experiences (and how those similarities might potentially impact Elain similarly to the way they impacted Feyre) shouldn’t be overlooked.

Being monitored

Feyre

I was too watched－too monitored and judged. Why should the bride of the High Lord learn to fight if peace had returned? That had been Ianthe’s reasoning when I’d made the mistake of mentioning it at dinner. Tamlin, to his credit, had seen both sides: I’d learn to protect myself...but the rumors would spread. (ACOMAF)

“Tamlin－Tamlin, I can’t...I can’t live my life with guards around me day and night. I can’t live with that...suffocation. Just let me help you－let me work with you.” (. . .) “I’m drowning,” I managed to say. “I am drowning. And the more you do this, the more guards...You might as well be shoving my head under the water.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Nesta said, “The Trove. And what happened the last time I scried.” Feyre said, “We won’t allow any harm to come to Elain. Rhys warded her this morning, and we have eyes on her at all times.” “Eyes can be blinded,” Nesta said. “Not the ones under my command,” Azriel said with soft menace. Nesta met his stare, knowing he was the only one aside from Feyre who could truly understand her hesitation. He’d gone with Feyre into the heart of Hybern’s camp to save Elain－he knew the risk. “We won’t make the same mistake twice.” She believed him. “All right.” (ACOSF)

Trying to fit in

Feyre

I hated the bright dresses that had become my daily uniform, but didn’t have the heart to tell Tamlin－not when he’d bought so many, not when he looked so happy to see me wear them. Not when his words weren’t far from the truth. The day I put on my pants and tunics, the day I strapped weapons to myself like fine jewelry, it would send a message far and clear across the lands. So I wore the gowns, and let Alis arrange my hair－if only so it would buy these people a measure of peace and comfort. (ACOMAF)

I sometimes debated asking her to pray for me as well. To pray that I’d one day learn to love the dresses, and the parties, and my role as a blushing, pretty bride. (ACOMAF)

Elain

And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court－and would do whatever she needed. (ACOSF)

So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court...It sucked the life from her. (ACOSF)

Pretending everything’s all right

Feyre

“Fine,” I breathed. I made myself look him in the eye, made myself smile. (ACOMAF)

Elain

“And you?” I made myself say. “Are you－all right?” Elain looked over a shoulder at me as we entered the foyer, then turned left－to the dining room. In the sitting room across the way, all conversation halted at the smell of food. “Why wouldn’t I be all right?” she asked, a smile lighting up her face. I’d seen those smiles before. On my own damn face. (ACOFAS)

Clothes not looking right on them

Feyre

I really, truly hated my wedding gown. It was a monstrosity of tulle and chiffon and gossamer, so unlike the loose gowns I usually wore: the bodice fitted, the neckline curved to plump my breasts, and the skirts...The skirts were a sparkling tent, practically floating in the balmy spring air (. . .) I might have dealt with it all if it weren’t for the puffy capped sleeves, so big I could almost see them glinting from the periphery of my vision. My hair had been curled, half up, half down, entwined with pearls and jewels and the Cauldron knew what, and it had taken all my self-control to keep from cringing at the mirror before descending the sweeping stairs into the main hall. (ACOMAF)

I again surveyed the room, my wedding gown hissing on the warm marble floors. I peered down at myself. You look ridiculous. (ACOMAF)

Elain

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. (ACOSF)

Looking good in clothes that suit them and that fact being pointed out

Feyre

My high-waisted peach pants were loose and billowing, gathered at the ankles with velvet cuffs of bright gold. The long sleeves of the matching top were made of gossamer, also gathered at the wrists, and the top itself hung just to my navel, revealing a sliver of skin as I walked. Comfortable, easy to move in－to run. Feminine. Exotic. (ACOMAF)

But those claws now dug in－and my entire body, my heart, my lungs, my blood yielded to his grip, utterly at his command as he said, The fashion of the Night Court suits you. (ACOMAF)

Elain

Gone was the ill-suited black dress from the ball, replaced by a gown of amethyst velvet, her hair half-up and curling down to her waist. She glowed with good health. (ACOSF)

People not wanting them to be involved in things

Feyre

“I want to go.” “No.” I crossed my arms, tucking my tattooed hand under my right bicep, and spread my feet slightly further apart on the dirt floor of the stables. “It’s been three months. Nothing’s happened, and the village isn’t even five miles－” “No.” (ACOMAF)

“I could use my powers against Hybern.” “That’s out of the question,” Tamlin said, “especially as there will be no war against Hybern.” “Rhys says war is inevitable, and we’ll be hit hard.” Lucien said drily, “And Rhys knows everything?” “No－but...He was concerned. He thinks I can make a difference in any upcoming conflict.” Tamlin flexed his fingers－keeping those claws contained. “You have no training in battle or weaponry. And even if I started training you today, it’d be years before you could hold your own on an immortal battlefield.” He took a tight breath. “So despite what he thinks you might be able to do, Feyre, I’m not going to have you anywhere near a battlefield. Especially if it means revealing whatever powers you have to our enemies. You’d be fighting Hybern at your front, and have foes with friendly faces at your back.” “I don’t care－” “I care,” Tamlin snarled. Lucien whooshed out a breath. “I care if you die, if you’re hurt, if you will be in danger every moment for the rest of our lives. So there will be no training, and we’re going to keep this between us.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

“Nesta’s spine straightened. No one spoke, but their attention lingered on her like a film on her skin. ‘You will not go looking for it.’” (ACOSF)

“Then go off on adventures,” Nesta said. “Go drink and fuck strangers. But stay away from the Cauldron.” (. . .) “Keep out of this,” she hissed at her youngest sister. “I have no doubt you put these thoughts in her head, probably encouraging her to throw herself into harm’s way－” (ACOSF)

Amren said, “We do not have the time to wait for Nesta to decide. I say we approach Elain tomorrow. Better to have both of them working on it.” Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.” “But Nesta should?” Cassian growled. Everyone stared at him. He swallowed, offering an apologetic glance to Az, who shrugged it off. Amren drained her wine and said to Cassian, “Nesta has a week. One more week to find the Trove with her own methods. Then we seek out other routes.” She threw a nod toward Azriel. “Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.” (ACOSF)

“I think Eris is our ally, and will expect to dance with a lady of this court at the ball no matter what. I won’t let Feyre within five feet of him, Mor might kill him, and Amren is more likely to scare him off than win him over, so you and Elain are the only options.” “Elain doesn’t go near him,” Feyre said. (ACOSF)

Their safety being brought up when they want to be involved

Feyre

“Please. The recovery efforts are so slow. I could hunt for the villagers, get them food－” “It’s not safe,” Tamlin said, again nudging his stallion into a walk. The horse’s coat shone like a dark mirror, even in the shade of the stables. “Especially not for you.” He’d said that every time we had this argument; every time I begged him to let me go to the nearby village of High Fae to help rebuild what Amarantha had burned years ago (. . .) “People want to come back, they want a place to live－” “Those same people see you as a blessing－a marker of stability. If something happened to you…” (. . .)Tamlin said softly, “I can’t do what I need to if I’m worrying about whether you’re safe.” (ACOMAF)

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he murmured. “It’s fine,” I breathed. “I understand.” Not a lie, but not quite the truth. His fingers grazed lower, circling my belly button. “You are－you’re everything to me,” he said thickly. “I need...I need you to be all right. To know they can’t get to you－can’t hurt you anymore.” (ACOMAF)

“Tamlin got what I didn’t,” Lucien said softly, his breathing ragged. “We all heard your neck break. But you got to come back. And I doubt that he will ever forget that sound, either. And he will do everything in his power to protect you from that danger again, even if it means keeping secrets, even if it means sticking to rules you don’t like. In this, he will not bend. So don’t ask him to－not yet.” (ACOMAF)

“Did he let you take me today,” I said hoarsely, “so that I’d stop asking to help rebuild?” “No. I decided to take you myself. For that exact reason. They don’t want or need your help. Your presence is a distraction and a reminder of what they went through.” (. . .) “I know you wanted to help,” Lucien offered. “I’m sorry.” So was I. (ACOMAF)

Elain

“The last time we involved ourselves with the Cauldron, it abducted you,” Nesta countered, fighting her shaking. (ACOSF)

“Like calls to like,” Amren countered. “You were Made by the Cauldron. You may track other objects Made by it as well, as Briallyn can. And because you are Made by it, you are immune to the influence and power of the Trove. You might use them, yes, but they cannot be used upon you.” A glance to Elain. “Either of you.” Nesta swallowed. “I can’t.” But to let Elain involve herself, jeopardize her safety－ (ACOSF)

Nesta’s pulse pounded throughout her body. “Do you not remember the war? What we encountered? Do you not remember the Cauldron kidnapping you, bringing you into the heart of Hybern’s camp?” “I do,” Elain said coldly. (ACOSF)

If it was between her and Elain, there was no choice at all. She would always go first if it meant keeping Elain from harm. Even if she’d just hurt her sister more than she could stomach. (ACOSF)

Pushing back against what others want

Feyre

He hissed, “You have no idea how hard it is for him to even let you off the estate grounds. He’s under more pressure than you realize.” “I know exactly how much pressure he endures. And I didn’t realize I’d become a prisoner.” “You’re not－” He clenched his jaw. “That’s not how it is and you know it.” “He didn’t have any trouble letting me hunt and wander on my own when I was a mere human. When the borders were far less safe.” “He didn’t care for you the way he does now. And after what happened Under the Mountain…” The words clanged in my head, along my too-tense muscles. “He’s terrified. Terrified of seeing you in his enemies’ hands. And they know it, too－they know all they have to do to own him would be to get ahold of you.” “You think I don’t know that? But does he honestly expect me to spend the rest of my life in that manor, overseeing servants and wearing pretty clothes?” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Cassian shifted in his seat. “So we track down the Dread Trove－how?” Elain spoke from the doorway, having appeared so silently that they all twisted toward her, “Using me.” Nesta’s head went silent as Elain’s words finished sounding in the room. Feyre had twisted in her seat, face white with alarm. Nesta shot to her feet. “No.” Elain remained in the doorway, her face pale but her expression harder than Nesta had ever seen it. “You do not decide what I can and cannot do, Nesta.” (ACOSF)

“It nearly killed me. It trapped me like a bird in a cage.” Elain said, “Then I will find it. I might require some time to...reacquaint myself with my powers, but I could start today.” “Absolutely not,” Nesta spat, fingers curling at her sides. “Absolutely not.” “Why?” Elain demanded. “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.” (ACOSF)

Being used as pawns against others

Feyre

“We need you to tell us everything,” Tamlin said. “The layout of the Night Court, who you saw, what weapons and powers they bore, what Rhys did, who he spoke to, any and every detail you can recall.” “I didn’t realize I was a spy.” Lucien shifted in his seat, but Tamlin said, “As much as I hate your bargain, you’ve been granted access into the Night Court. Outsiders rarely get to go in－and if they do, they rarely come out in one piece. And if they can function, their memories are usually...scrambled. Whatever Rhysand is hiding in there, he doesn’t want us knowing about it.” (ACOMAF)

Elain

Rhys angled his head at the not-quite question. “I trust in the fact that we currently have possession of the one thing he wants above all else. And as long as that remains, he’ll try to stay on our good side. But if that changes...His talent was wasted in the Spring Court. There was a reason he had that fox mask, you know.” His mouth tugged to the side. “If he got Elain away, back to Spring or wherever...do you believe, deep down, that he wouldn’t sell what he knows? Either for gain, or to ensure she stays safe?” “You let him hear everything tonight, though.” (. . .) I considered his question: Did I trust Lucien? “I don’t know, either,” I admitted, and sighed. “I don’t like that Elain is a pawn in this.” “I know. It’s never easy.” (ACOWAR)

Cassian glowered at Amren. “It’s not right to wield Elain as a threat to manipulate Nesta into scrying.” “There are harsher ways to convince Nesta, boy.” (ACOSF)

Although Elain and Feyre are surrounded by two different groups of people with varying levels of care for their wellbeing, they’re treated similarly which is hard to overlook. In Elain’s situation, Nesta, Azriel, and Feyre take on the “Tamlin role” (either undermining Elain’s attempts to contribute to things or preventing Elain from helping altogether) while everyone else takes on the “Lucien role” (validating the concerns of others while also enabling their behaviors, which doesn’t support Elain’s desire to be involved).

[honeybeanboo]

genshin boys with eating disorders : pt. 1

DISCLAIMER: okay first off! i have an eating disorder and i wondered what my favorite characters would be like in my situation! i am not pro-ed whether it be BED, ednos or anorexia or others. i'm using this for comfort and please do not use this post to further your own disorder!

CHARACTERS:

albedo ✔

bennet ✔

chongyun ✔

diluc ✔

kazuha

kaeya

razor

childe

venti

xiao

xingqiu

zhongli

MAJOR TW //

eating disorders, mental health challenges, bodyshaming, dysphoria, self harm, fatphobia

┅ albedo ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: before the traveller arrived, he's had it for a year or so

❂ who knows: sucrose suspects although doesn't hasn't told anyone yet

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of albedo's ed is forgetfulness and recording

he works in his camp all day, at his desk, doing experiments which in itself takes up a ton of his time! what started the behaviors was simply overworking himself and to the point where he was almost getting sick [ :( albedo ] the alchemist would forget to eat, multiple meals a day he would skip, chemicals in the vicinity making it unpleasant to eat, so he would opt for nothing at all

albedo doesn't recognize what he's doing as an eating disorder, he pushes the thoughts away when they remind him of what he's doing and that it's wrong,,, over time, he would end up having a small breakfast and wouldn't eat until dinner, subconsciously slipping into a routine and writing down each meal he would have, taking care to never fill more than half his note-page

chemicals in his lab constantly are bubbling and changing, so even when he decides to eat, they interrupt him and he constantly leaves unfinished food on his desk for sucrose to find later and wonder why he always leaves it there

- has always been secluded but avoids mondstat more and more, sending sucrose into town for errands and stays in dragonspine to do experiments -- this leads to never getting new clothes and in turn, him working to stay in the clothes he has

- denies everything if mentioned, seems confused at the mention

- very protective of his notebook

THIS MAKES ME SAD ALBEDO SOBSD

┅ bennett ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around the time he became friends with razor and met fischl - around 6 months

❂ who knows: fischl definitely knows but chooses not to say anything due to how bad she is with talking about feelings :(

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of bennett's ed is dysphoria and responsibility

as we all know, bennett has always had horribly bad luck and although he doesn't know it, a lot of people admire him for his perseverance, albeit avoiding his company

he almost always finds a way to overcome the overwhelming hopelessness and guilt of always relying on other people for help and bringing them down with him, but as he enters his 15th year, it gets too much :(

when he met razor, and befriended him, the boy was something of a miracle, he stuck around, he helped bennett and taught him survival tactics :D he was bennett's best friend but bennett felt so incredibly guilty about relying on him for protection, friendship, and good food, he began to turn it away and began to disappear without warning to neither fischl or razor

he would go out adventuring, trying to bring back things to cook for lisa, for razor, for fischl, for kaeya, for diona, he felt like a burden and gave back as much as he could to make up for the consequences his company brought

≡ trans bennet headcanon: he's always been told he's small and thin by his dads, even before transition, so after he began to do more physical activity and bulked up a bit, it weighed on his mind

- dysphoria plays a lot into bennett's ed, not wanting to fill out the curves he always hated

- after a particularly bad batch of eggs he had cooked up, he threw up in the cat's tail's bathroom and that in turn started a small purge cycle before someone in town noticed and took his to the doctor which scared him enough to make him stop

bennett i will just sob and cry on the floor

┅ chongyun ┅

❂ restrictive / purging eating disorder [overeating in beginning]

❂ started + time had: started during his intense studying period for his exorcisms (can't remember the specific method he mentions) - around 2 years

❂ who knows: no one, although an older woman that works at Wanmin Restaurant is worried about him

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of chongyun's ed is control and work

chongyun has always been unstable, whether it be physically or emotionally, due to his build-up of ying energy, so it's no surprise when he bubbles over during the crunch of studying. his teacher pushed him harder and harder each lesson and the things he had to do to keep his stirrings in check weren't the healthiest, one of which was eating specific foods in excess

he bubbled over one day and had a full on mental breakdown, but with his family not near the place he took lessons, he turned to the thing he thought was making his ying energy multiply, not the workload but instead the food

the exorcist's disorder waned off when he met xingqiu, it being the happiest time in his life, a friend to talk to about practically everything, but then when his exorcisms began to only cause distress to the people he thought they would help, his energy became too much and he began purging, which helped enough for him to continue [ :( i'm so sad ] the popsicles help to calm his stomach after a purge and he came up with a low cal recipe to eat tons of

- the calories didn't matter much to him, but xingqiu was very into numbers as well as books, so it began to weigh on him

- he passed off any bad mood as just tiredness from his work

- xingqiu, my man i love him but he's completely oblivious although slightly worried about "burnout" for his friend

┅ diluc ┅

❂ restrictive eating disorder

❂ started + time had: around when him and kaeya were fighting, like really fighting and he hurt him badly - 3 years

❂ who knows: a lot of people suspect, but either dismiss it, or are too scared to confront him due to his intimidating nature T-T

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

the nature of diluc's ed is discipline and control

diluc tends to be very critical of himself and very hard on himself, which you may not know just from talking to him, or even from being a friend of his, as he tends to keep a lot of stuff to himself - if he makes a mistake, he takes all measures to make sure it doesn't happen again

when he and kaeya were fighting and things got violent, he burnt him quite badly right on his eye which is the reason why the captain wears his eyepatch - this scarred the brothers' relationship badly and diluc quite took literally took those scars unto himself,,, he would let himself be burned easily by his elemental powers, constantly feeling the immense guilt of their tension :[ he healed easily, but would do it again and again

although kaeya forgives him, diluc continues to remind himself every so often that he is the reason for problems, taking the responsibility to fix them, even though they may not even be his! he acts alone and aloofly even when the other person doesn't blame him in the slightest [ TT ]

diluc doesn't drink, he doesn't want to lose control, he never wants to loose control, which is why people almost never see him eat

he eats in small portions and toughs it out, disciplining himself, trying to prove himself worthy to no one but himself

- people have offhandedly mentioned that the bartender never seems to eat or drink - "hardly seems human sometimes"

- when he was caught by the traveler being the darknight hero, this worsened this "discipline" for himself, the man not thinking himself worthy if he was defeated so easily

≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡≡

and that's part 1! i'll make a part two soon because this is really fun and i really enjoy making these- i will include a more wide range of eds in the second part which will be kazuha, kaeya, razor, and childe

bennett's really made me sad dang

anyway bye!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: self-harm, panic attacks, suicide, and past intrusive thoughts (I will try not to be overly detailed about it), family, police, hospital

I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for, maybe reassurance and advice on how to view this.

So I used to self-harm in a way that wouldn't break my skin most of the time, but that would still cause pain and leave behind marks. The last time I self-harmed (January) I gave into an intrusive thought I had which involved using an object to break my skin. It was an intrusive thought I first developed in 2020 after I got extremely bad news about something - after the news, I had a very bad panic attack where it was very hard to keep my thoughts and actions in check. It was so bad I even missed an exam that day because I literally didn't care about anything else going on and was so upset by what I had heard. But anyway, one thing I do remember thinking at the time was "Do 'thing' to your 'body part' with 'this object'" and the very first time I tried to, I failed because I couldn't break the skin.

Afterwards, whenever something would happen, A LOT of times my mind would kind of default to that specific thought (like the "Oh well, guess I'll just die" meme but replace "die" with the specific self-harm act). But I just stuck to my "light" method of self-harm instead and not do that specific thing. Then in January of this year, I got EXTREMELY upset over something, it honestly felt like the intrusive thought was "louder" than usual, I had no one to help me at the time and neither one of my parents was being caring or supportive, and I hit such a low point I had nothing else to lose, so I gave in and actually did the specific thing from my intrusive thought.

That was the worst I ever self-harmed since I actually broke my skin, and since I felt like I did something worse than usual, I never self-harmed again. Now I have a scar left from it, and I feel... pathetic/conflicted? Sometimes I see it and I feel disappointed for having left behind a mark, even though it's not that big, it's in an area that's usually covered by clothes, and it's the type of scar I could easily blame on something else totally unrelated to self-harm or the object I used. However, I still get annoyed that it's there sometimes, since it reminds me of the specific incident. I like to take care of my appearance and even though it's not a noticeable mark, it's still a mark that I know is there, so it bothers me just in terms of knowing that area of my skin isn't "flawless" anymore.

On the other hand, there are also times when I feel like I didn't harm myself badly enough. I feel like I should have harmed myself more severely, and that I should have left behind a "bad" scar. I feel like "real" self-harmers leave behind more severe marks and that what I did doesn't even count? I don't know why I even want it to count though since I feel so ashamed it happened in the first place? I guess just to feel validated that my mental state was bad enough to drive me to self-harm and give into the thought I had been struggling with, and to use that as a reference point of how I don't want my mental health to be again.

I've talked to some people online (not any long-term or close friends, but just some mutuals aware of my mental health issues, or people on mental health blogs or text helplines). When I make references to what happened in January and how I haven't hurt myself anymore since then (I don't do any type of self-harm methods, even ones that wouldn't leave marks) they've seemed happy/proud that I don't self-harm anymore. But I feel like such a "fake" because I feel like I never did anything "bad" enough to count as "real" self-harming. I feel weird because it seems like from what I've seen people either don't self-harm at all, or they harm themselves way more severely than I ever did and need to go to the hospital for it and things like that. I'm not planning on showing the scar to anybody, but I feel like it's the kind of thing where if I did show someone the scar, they'd be like "Oh, that was all?" or "That's nothing!" and laugh/joke about it, or think I was just trying to imitate "real" self-harmers. I feel like someone who would DEFINITELY react like that would be my mom. I have relatives who self-harm and have had severe mental crises (like incidents where the police or hospital has gotten involved because they were putting themselves in danger). In particular, I have one relative who is my age that my mom always says I'm negatively influenced by and who I'm supposedly trying to copy by "acting" mentally ill myself, even though I'm not copying them and I have been professionally diagnosed with multiple conditions. I don't even see this relative in-person anymore (all of my relatives besides my parents live far away), but my mom knows I follow their social media.

Anyway, like I said before, I guess I just feel weird and conflicted about all this and keep battling between hating that I left a mark, and being upset that I didn't scar myself worse. I have been good about not harming myself anymore but I don't even know if that's worth being proud of since I feel like I was never THAT bad in the first place. I've sometimes thought of mentioning this to my best friend but I don't really know why? And I feel like she might not know how to react or kind of wonder what I was trying to accomplish by telling her, since I don't even know, either. Plus even though I said the mark is usually covered by clothes, there are some types of outfits where it would be exposed, so I wonder if that would make my friend be on the lookout for the mark and maybe think I was lying or being overly dramatic about it since as I mentioned it's not very noticeable. Ugh. It's just really weird and confusing... I'm sorry this turned out so long but hopefully one of the mods can help me figure out what the hell is up with my way of thinking. Thank you.

Hey there nonny! I really appreciate this ask!

You are absolutely not alone in those sorts of thoughts. Many people who have self-harmed feel the way you do. You may hear about the big tragic stories most, but there are so many stories of people who have self-harmed like you have, and hold the same primary fear—that their pain and hardship wasn’t “enough” or wasn’t “real.” I promise you it absolutely was.

The amount of pain and hopelessness it takes to get to the point of self harming at all is enough. The amount of scarring does not always equal the amount of pain one has felt, and any self harm is “bad enough.” It is not “you either don’t self harm at all or you do it enough to end up in the hospital,” nonny, but “you don’t self harm or you do.” Self harm is self harm, no matter the form it takes, the physical scars it leaves, or the level of severity, and all self harm is rooted in a deep pain that is absolutely “bad” and validated.

Feeling as though you’re conflicted over your scar makes absolute sense, nonny. It is both a reminder of where you have been, and a symbol of what you have overcome. That’s okay. Sometimes things have multiple (and oftentimes conflicting) meanings. Acknowledge both of them, and work towards validating your pain and accepting that what you went through was “bad enough,” because it absolutely was, nonny.

As for telling your friends, do so when you’re comfortable. That’s entirely up to you. However, if your friends ever say that your wounds and your pain isn’t “real” or isn’t “that bad,” you can absolutely tell them different, and those friends obviously do not understand the gravity of the pain that you experienced. It is not obligatory for you to share just how much hurt you were in them with them or anyone else, but if that is their reaction, it is likely that they will not view it differently without knowing why it was bad for you.

All in all nonny, it was bad enough, and your feelings are so understandable. You are not alone, and your pain and confliction is so valid. Reminding yourself of that is so important and can be very helpful in combatting those thoughts that say otherwise.

Best of luck,

-Mod Night 🌌

[ddarker-dreams]

Yandere Behavior: Jotaro Kujo

⋆ ˚｡ Yan MBTI: RDHS ⋆｡˚ ⋆

Jotaro’s method of dealing with unpleasant feelings is to withdraw.  Not for the sake of using the time to be introspective, but to get rid of them. He doesn’t want to get attached. He doesn’t want the vulnerability caring for someone else brings with it. There’s too much on the line, he’s made enemies in all parts of the world. In between working on his degree and family matters, he’s left with little time for much else, and he likes it that way. The structure, and the familiarity it brings. 

You’d think he’d notice it sooner. How his eyes drift towards your form, and how he pays close attention to every word leaving your lips. He’d like to fool himself by saying the obsession came out of nowhere. That’d be the furthest thing from the truth, it just took him a while to notice the full extent of it, since he had nothing to compare it with. How could he rationalize a feeling he’s never experienced before? Especially one this intense?

Unlike other yanderes, Jotaro’s primary goal isn’t to win over your affection. He’d secretly long for this, but it’s not the endgame. After losing those he’s cared for in the past and becoming jaded from it, Jotaro wants to protect you. From what though? Even he’s not sure. There are times this train of thought is how he justifies his actions, and other times he chooses not to dwell on it. 

There might not be a singular enemy to point fingers at, but that’s worse to an extent. Everything becomes a possible opponent. Your job? It’s obvious how stressful it is on you, how it’s negatively impacting your health. Your friends? Sure, you’ve had good experiences with them, but what about the times they’ve also hurt you? Jotaro takes it upon himself to become a self-proclaimed martyr that you never wanted.

It takes a trained eye to catch how he interacts with you in comparison to everyone else. You might not even realize his favor upon you until it’s too late. He still doesn’t speak more than necessary, never mincing his words. Jotaro doesn’t get the point in flowery language. He’ll say what needs to be said, and this applies to you as well. There’s never any ill intent behind it. He’d never hurt you for sadistic purposes, it’d always be accidental, not that it makes it anymore justified.

The manner in which he’s delusional is different than most yanderes. He isn’t delusional in believing you love him back, rather that everything in this world is out to harm you. There aren’t coincidences. It must’ve been intentional. Someone, or something, is out to get you. The unspoken irony is that he ends up becoming the biggest detriment in your life, the force he wanted so desperately to protect you from. That’s why it hurts even more when you look at him with fearful eyes. 

He doesn’t want your life with him to be completely miserable. Should you ask for reasonable things, you can expect to see them randomly appearing within a few days. Questioning him about it won’t get you anywhere as he’ll change the subject. Jotaro doesn’t know the best way to show his love for you, so he sticks to small acts. Making sure where you’re stashed away is full of your favorite foods and activities, maybe even letting you keep a pet (if it isn’t noisy...)

Jotaro considers himself a reasonable man, though your definition of reasonable doesn’t align with his. If you’ve been on your best behavior, he’d be amiable to letting you travel with him as a reward. Only to places that he knows for certain won’t have many people. The prerequisite would be that you must be in his sight (and Star Platinum’s range, for your protection), at all times. The sacrifice of autonomy grants some freedom to explore beyond the four walls of Jotaro’s different homes. 

Not going to see the point in manipulation. His blunt honesty might serve as a form of it, serving to convince you one day that maybe he is doing all of this for your well being. Jotaro might not like it if you keep asking him why he’s doing what he is, but he’ll give you an up front answer each time. It’s jarring how self-assured he is in his motives. Pleading and arguing with him won’t lead to anything other than your own frustration.

Due to his paranoia of one of his many enemies coming to get you, there’ll be a lot of moving around. As soon as you get used to one house in the countryside, you’ll be on a private flight to a city across the world to live in a new penthouse. Rinse and repeat. He does this to ensure that possible Stand users (specifically those who follow Dio and have good reason to despise Jotaro), can’t track you down. 

He brings you back various trinkets from his travels. Whenever he can’t physically be with you, you still remain on his mind. It’s irritating at first, but Jotaro grows use to it eventually. What he gets will depend on what you’re into. If you like different foods, he’ll bring snacks and cultural staples from the country he visited. If you’re into art or photography, it’ll be paintings or photographs of landmarks. When Jotaro’s knocking at the door after a long trip, he’ll have plenty of gifts for you in his suitcase. Should you comment on it too much he’ll stop for a while out of embarrassment...

The greatest guilty pleasure would be introducing you to Holly. Though he might not come outright and say it, he values his mother greatly. You mean so much to him, and the thought of you meeting the other person he treasures most feels right. You might end up visiting her one day, if you’ve proven your obedience to Jotaro. Until that day does or doesn’t come, he’ll keep the wish to himself. 

Quotes.

“I might be gone for a week or two. You have everything you need here, so don’t do anything stupid.” 

“It’s been a while. Check the kitchen counter when you get the chance.”

“How did you find that picture? That... that’s my mother. Hm. She looks too cheerful to be my relative? Give me a break. You don’t have to believe me.”

[aro-comics]

Fashion Analysis (Part 2: Outside of Amatonormativity Alone)

[Note: This post is a part of a series analyzing self-expression, fashion, aromanticism, and how they interact with other parts of identity. For full context please read the whole thing!]

Outside of Amatonormativity Alone: Sexism, Homophobia (and/or Transphobia), Racism, Ableism, and Other Factors That can Impact Self Expression 

My comic was originally meant to be a light hearted joke. I’d always been told I’d want to dress up one day, be pretty and feminine once I fell in love with a boy (BLEGH). I was so certain that I would never do that, and now … here we are. I put lots of effort into my appearance, present feminine, all in the hopes I’ll impress a very special someone - a potential employer at a networking event. I think there’s a certain irony to all of this, and I do find it funny that I managed to both be wrong and completely subvert amatonormative stereotypes! 

But having the chance to think about the whole situation, I realize now that my changes in presentation reflect far more. The pressure I felt to dress differently are still influenced by fundamental forms of discrimination in society, and I would be remiss to not address these inherent factors that were tied with my experiences alongside my aromanticism. So in this section, I will briefly cover some of these factors and summarize how they can influence people’s self expression as a whole, before discussing my own experiences and how these factors all intersect. 

Sexism

The pressure on women In This Society to uphold arbitrary norms is ever present and often harmful, and while I wish I had the time to discuss the impacts of every influence the patriarchy has on personal expression, to even try to cover a fraction of it would be impractical at best for this essay. Instead, since the original comic focuses on professionalism and presentation, this is what I will talk about here. 

Beauty standards are a specific manifestation of sexism that have a deep impact on how people perceive women. It’s a complicated subject that’s also tied with factors like capitalism, white supremacy, classism, and more, but to summarize the main sentiment: Women are expected to be beautiful. Or at least, conform to the expectations of “feminine” “beauty” as ascribed by the culture at large. 

They also tend to be considered exclusively as this idea that "women need to be beautiful to secure their romantic prospects, which subsequently determines their worth as human beings. The problematic implications of this sentiment have been called out time and time again (and rightfully so), however there is an often overlooked second problematic element to beauty standards, as stated in the quote below: 

“Beauty standards are the individual qualifications women are expected to meet in order to embody the “feminine beauty ideal” and thus, succeed personally and professionally” 

- Jessica DeFino. (Source 1) 

… To succeed personally, and professionally. 

The “Ugly Duckling Transformation” by Mina Le (Source 2) is a great video essay that covers the topic of conforming to beauty standards through the common “glow up” trope present in many (female focused) films from the early 2000s. 

“In most of these movies, the [main character] is a nice person, but is bullied or ignored because of her looks.”

Mina Le, (timestamp 4:02-4:06)

Generally, by whatever plot device necessary, the ugly duckling will adopt a new “improved” presentation that includes makeup, a new haircut, and a new wardrobe. While it is not inherently problematic for a woman to be shown changing to embrace more feminine traits, there are a few problems with how the outcomes of these transformations are always depicted and what they imply. For starters, this transformation is shown to be the key that grants the protagonist her wishes and gives her confidence and better treatment by her peers. What this is essentially saying is that women are also expected to follow beauty standards to be treated well in general, not only in a romantic context, and deviation from these norms leads to the consequences of being ostracized. 

The other problematic element of how these transformations are portrayed are the fact that generally the ONLY kind of change that is depicted in popular media is one in the more feminine direction. Shanspeare, another video essayist on YouTube, investigates this phenomenon in more detail in “the tomboy figure, gender expression, and the media that portrays them” (Source 4). In this video, Shaniya explains that “tomboy” characters are only ever portrayed as children - which doesn’t make any sense at face value, considering that there ARE plenty of masculine adult women in real life. But through the course of the video (and I would highly recommend giving it a watch! It is very good), it becomes evident that the “maturity” aspect of coming of age movies inherently tie the idea of growth with “learning” to become more feminine. Because of the prevalence of these storylines (as few mainstream plots will celebrate a woman becoming more masculine and embracing gender nonconformity) it becomes clear that femininity is fundamentally associated with maturity. It also implies that masculinity in women is not only not preferred, it is unacceptable to be considered mature. Both of these sentiments are ones that should be questioned, too. 

Overall, I think it is clear that these physical presentation expectations, even if not as restrictive as historical dress codes for women have been, are still inherently sexist (not to mention harmful by also influencing people to have poor self image and subsequent mental health disorders). Nobody should have to dress in conformity with gender norms to be considered “acceptable”, not only desirable, which leads us to the second part of this section. 

Homophobia (and/or Transphobia)

So what happens when women don’t adhere to social expectations of femininity? (Or in general, someone chooses to present in a way that challenges the gender binary and their AGAB, but for the sake of simplicity I will discuss it from my particular lens as a cis woman who is pansexual). 

There are a lot of nuances, of course, to whether it’s right that straying from femininity as a woman (or someone assumed to be a woman) will automatically get read a certain way by society. But like it or not, right or not, if you look butch many people WILL see you as either gay, (or trans-masculine, which either way is not a cishet woman). This is tied to the fact that masculinity is something historically associated with being WLW (something we will discuss later). 

This association of breaking gender norms in methods of dress with being perceived as a member of the LGBTQ+ community has an influence on how people may choose to express themselves, because LGBTQ+ discrimination is very real, and it can be very dangerous in many parts of the world. 

I think it’s very easy to write off claims in particular that women are pressured into dressing femininely when it is safer to do so in your area; but I really want to remind everyone that not everyone has the luxury of presenting in a gender non-conforming way. This pressure to conform does exist in many parts of the world, and can be lethal when challenged.

And even if you’re not in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ environment/places that are considered “progressive” (like Canada), there are still numerous microagressions/non-lethal forms of discrimination that are just as widespread. According to Statistics Canada in 2019: 

Close to half (47%) of students at Canadian postsecondary institutions witnessed or experienced discrimination on the basis of gender, gender identity or sexual orientation (including actual or perceived gender, gender identity or sexual orientation).

(Source 3)

Fundamentally this additional pressure that exists when one chooses to deviate from gender norms is one that can not be ignored in the conversation when it comes to how people may choose to express themselves visually, and I believe the impacts that this factor has and how it interacts with the other factors discussed should be considered. 

Neurodivergence (In general): 

In general, beauty standards/expectations for how a “mature” adult should dress can often include clothing that creates sensory issues for many autistic people. A thread on the National Austistic Forum (Source 6) contains a discussion where different austistic people describe their struggles with formal dress codes and the discomfort of being forced to wear stiff/restrictive clothing, especially when these dress codes have no practical purpose for the work they perform. If you’re interested in learning more on this subject, the Autisticats also has a thread on how school dress codes specifically can be harmful to Autistic people (Source 7). 

In addition to potentially dressing differently (which as we have already covered can be a point of contention in one’s perception and reception by society as a whole), neurodivergence is another layer of identity that tends to be infantilized. Eden from the Autsticats has detailed their experiences with this in source 5. 

Both of these factors can provide a degree of influence on how people choose to express themselves and/or how they may be perceived by society, and are important facets of a diverse and thoughtful exploration of the ways self-expression can be impacted by identity. 

Also, while on this topic, I just want to take a chance to highlight the fact that we should question what is considered “appropriate”, especially “professionally appropriate”, because the “traditional” definitions of these have historically been used to discriminate against minorities. Much of what gets defined as “unprofessional” or otherwise “inappropriate” has racist implications - as an example, there is a history of black hairstyles being subjected to discriminatory regulation. Other sources I have provided at the end of this document (8 and 9) list examples of these instances.  

Racism (being Chinese, specifically in this case): 

For this section, I won’t be going into much depth at all, because I actually have a more detailed comic on this subject lined up. 

So basically, if you were not aware, East Asian (EA) people tend to be infantilized and viewed as more childish (Source 10). In particular, unless an EA woman is super outgoing and promiscuous (the “Asian Bad Girl” stereotype, see Source 10), IN MY OPINION AND EXPERIENCE it’s easy to be type casted as the other end of the spectrum: the quiet, boring nerd. On top of this too, I’ve had experiences with talking to other EA/SEA people - where they themselves would repeatedly tell me that “Asians are just less mature”,  something about it being a “cultural thing” (Yeah … I don’t know either. Maybe it’s internalized racism?). 

Either way, being so easily perceived as immature (considering everything discussed so far) is also tied to conformity to beauty standards and other factors such as sexism and homophobia, which I believe makes for a complex intersection of identity. 

[Note from Author: For Part 3, click here!]

[miraculouslycool]

Hi! I read your analysis on how Lila's Adrien's black mirror (absolutely wonderful, btw), and I was wondering if you had any thoughts on why the writers are making Lila Marinette's arch-rival instead of Adrien despite that? Maybe I'm being too simple-minded, but considering everything Marinette already goes through in terms of enemies and responsibilities, I really don't get why they had to add Lila to the mix where she could've been Adrien's foil all along. I mean, I personally see it as a bit stupid of Lila to be fixated on him when she knows he's aware that she's a liar. Given how proud she is, you would expect her to have moved on from him already... Or is there something I'm missing?

Thank you in advance!

Hi! Thank you for asking, this is a very good question.

(DISCLAIMER: I love this show deeply and respect the decisions of the writers, even if there are a few I don't agree with)

First off, I'd like to say that it makes sense as to why Marinette and Lila dislike each other.

Lila cause Marinette has the respect and attention of the entire class and her peers with little to no effort, and all of that is not because of Marinette's impressive accomplishments, but because she is a good and kind person who loves her friends and would drop anything at the second of a hat to help them. Lila wants the attention that Marinette gets geared to her, but she does none of the work to maintain and stabilize it enough to be RESPECTED.

(Full disclosure, there's a difference between being popular and being respected. Lila doesn't understand the difference between these two. Not like Marinette does.)

She hates that Marinette, on both sides of the mask, had the guts to call her out on her lies, which is pretty telling that a strong outburst is what made her hate both the classmate Marinette, and the superhero Ladybug. There was no one in her life who could see past her facade before Marinette did.

Marinette is an upstanding and forthright person. She doesn't like lying, and the only non-white lies she tells (her being Ladybug and hiding her feelings from Adrien) are only for the greater good and in a manner of self preservation, not to hurt anyone. Marinette would never lie to harm someone intentionally. That's not who she is.

That being said, it's interesting how Marinette's jealous streak is what alerted her to Lila in the first place.

It's the same jealous streak that made Marinette antagonise Kagami too. Except, once Marinette got to know that Kagami is truly a good person, she felt terrible about treating her the way she did. She fought to make amends for her mistake, and started seeing Kagami as a person, and not a problem to be solved. (This is definitely a character flaw of Marinette's, and one that she has mostly gotten over by the end of Season 3.)

On the other hand, I believe that any reason for Marinette to get jealous of Lila over Adrien ended with the episode Volpina Chameleon.

Specifically, the moment when Adrien told her antagonizing Lila wasn't worth it. Until then she was specifically pissed at Lila getting to sit next to Adrien, Lila being close to Adrien, Lila taking Adrien away from her. It wasn't until Adrien helped her see the bigger picture, that Lila didn't have to be as larger-than-life as she seemed that she understood.

As SOME people seem to forget, Marinette was not angry with Adrien for saying that. One person being on her side was enough for her. That companionship from ADRIEN of all people meant more to her than her irrational jealousy over him.

That's what separates Marinette from Lila. No, they don't come from similar backgrounds, their personalities, quirks and traits are NOTHING alike (not even a little similar like Adrien is to Lila).

Marinette is capable of stepping back and analyzing her less than stellar moments and doing better, even at her own expense. Lila, at all times, is only upset at getting caught.

This is why I understand, that even with Adrien out of the picture, why these two girls are arch-rivals.

But the show has made it abundantly clear that Marinette's more outright methods that would work on any sandbox bully does not work on Lila. It's not Marinette who got her to back off from herself without lifting a finger at the end of Onichan. It's not ONLY Marinette who saved Ladybug in that same episode by using Lila to lure Onichan away. It's not Marinette who threatened Lila in the most calm way possible, sacrificing any bit of privacy she might have, to get herself back in school.

That's all Adrien. Even with Gabriel pulling the strings, its Adrien who can give her a run for her money. Why? Because they both share similar traits of deception and manipulation, something that Marinette is not capable of. (Cleverness and Manipulation do not fall under the same category) To defeat one's enemies, one must think like them. Marinette doesn't have to, or even want to be duplicitous like Lila does, but Adrien does that every single day of his double life as civilian and superhero.

Marinette and Lila may be enemies and rivals, but its Adrien who is on equal fighting ground with her. The thing is, Adrien does not actively wish to involve himself like Marinette does. (and that's not a bad thing!) I see why both of them did what they did, but if Adrien chose to antagonise Lila from the beginning, the way Marinette did? We might have some very different results today.

As for the second part of your question, why did Lila not drop Adrien once she saw that he knew she was a liar?

Because she underestimated him. Adrien wasn't antagonizing her like Marinette was. Adrien was being gentle with her. Adrien didn't expose her even though he knew. All Lila saw in him was a gateway to the fame and charisma she deeply desired, and I bet if someone more famous than Adrien was in the class (other than Chloe that is, cause she is famous, not desirable) Lila would have gone after them.

In Volpina, she saw a kind hearted, gullible boy who happened to be handsome and famous believe every single word out of her mouth. Chameleon onwards, she knew he knew, but she was careful enough to treat him like a trophy on her shelf, being careful to not feed him information like she did in Volpina.

She severely underestimated him all the way up to "Ladybug", because she had gotten too complacent and didn't think that Adrien would actually defend Marinette's side, because from her point of view, he hasn't done that before.

I'm pretty sure Lila would have dropped him the minute he told her off the first time, if Gabriel hadn't called her up in Oni Chan and offered her more avenues to use Adrien to her own benefit.

(That's why she's still able to sidle up to him in the New York special even after Adrien told her off. Because Gabriel is enabling her and pulling her strings.)

I hope this helped you!