#i only do that when conversation is brought up and actively involves me

[endivinity]

i think the most bizarre reaction to seeing fanart (other than going "i thought this was [totally unrelated thing that it doesnt even look like]') is to go 'this isn't canon'. like.... yeah it's not supposed to be?

people have headcanons! there are also different interpretations of unclear or hard-to-quantify-exact-meaning canon!

but it doesn't even have to be a headcanon. art is an exploration of thoughts and concepts. it's an expression of creativity. sometimes it's just a fun exercise. for fun. any time i see someone go 'thats not what really happened' i dont think 'aw shit i got it so wrong', i think: wheres your joie de vivre. your whimsy. embrace things that arent real

[hyunnie04]

crown prince! bang chan x reader, fluff, royal au | m.list

wc: 1.1k words

a/n: dipping my toes into writing something a little out of my comfort zone! this is also lightly (heavily lmao) inspired by one of my fave games fe3h and it's support conversations.. 👉👈

you had no idea what chan might’ve wanted from you when he had invited you out for a cup of tea on the courtyard. it was unlike him to host such frivolous activities like tea parties out of the blue since he was quite busy these days, dealing with his royal duties and what not.

you haven't really crossed paths with him since your academy days and even now, you only ever caught glimpses of him here and there because of your parents' business involving relation matters, so the sudden invitation came as a surprise.

the said academy was for royals and nobles alike, shaping them up to be the future leaders for the next generation. it was how you both came to know each other. chan is the crown prince of the kingdom up in the frigid north, revered to be one of the strongest knights the kingdom has ever seen. polite, charming, not to mention extremely good looking as well.

you however, is just the eldest child of your family. house l/n had strong ties with the kingdom, your parents being close with several affluent families and being valuable members of the kingdom’s council.

"here we are." felix, his right hand man and closest friend, had stopped in front of the cobbled steps, leading down to the beautiful courtyard before sending you a grin. you thank him earnestly, giving him a smile back.

from a distance, you could see chan sitting quietly in the meadows, the lush grass and flowers crowding at his feet, cupping his chin in thought as the wind lightly blows through his hair.

he looks serene compared to the stressed look he adorns whenever you see him hunched over the castle’s conference room, going over his army’s battle tactics.

you bowed upon reaching his presence, the sunlight illuminating his handsome face. “thank you for inviting me, your highness.” chan stands right up, a slight shock on his face before swiftly recovering.

"i told you before, y/n. there's no need for formalities, just chan is fine." he sends you a warm smile and pulls out a chair for you.

the spread before you was amazing. tons of decadent pastries and cookies were laid in a dessert tier, making your mouth water in anticipation. 

“please, help yourself to some tea.” he takes the beautifully painted porcelain pot, pouring some of the aromatic tea in your cup. the steam from it flows up to the air, filling the table in it's light and refreshing scent. the atmosphere starts to dwindle into quietness, the breeze and wildlife surrounding you filling in it's silence.

"...was there something you'd like to talk about?" you cock your head to the side. he looks a little flustered, but ultimately nods. 

"-yes, actually." chan sighs out while he traces the rim of his tea cup, evading your curious eyes.

"did...your parents ever bother you about marriages?" he slowly manages to get out, stumbling through the sentence.

the tea cup you held in your hand freezes in place. now that he had mentioned it, your father and mother always brought up the idea of marrying. they were always pestering you, wondering when their only child was going to settle down. they stopped one day however, just like that. you wondered if your years of rejecting the idea itself had worked or they simply got tired. but you wondered what brought this on? were his parents arranging him with someone?   

"forgive me, i do not mean to be so straight forward." chan coughs into his hand, noticing the lack of reply and turned his head away in slight embarrassment.

"it's alright." you place your cup down on its saucer, secretly admiring how the tips of his ears redden so quickly. "but now that you've brought it up, yes i have."

"i see," the tea was abandoned now, left to cool in the summer shade. “i’ve heard my father speak about an arranged engagement for me a few years ago.”

you politely nod, urging him to continue. now you’re curiosity is piqued. although, you’re not entirely sure why he had come to talk to you about this, plenty of your shared friends and acquaintances had gotten proposals and arrangements.

“that was back then, however. my father got tired of me refusing to settle down and dropped it all together." you rest your chin on your palm, his words strikingly familiar.

“he never told me the specifics but i’m pretty sure he was talking about you.”

something between a choke and a sputter left your lips, “what?”

“it’s true.” he says it as if it wasn’t earth shattering news for you. "father wanted me to marry the heir to house l/n."

you could only gape at him akin to a fish, not knowing how to digest the information given to you. 

"truthfully, i didn't know you well back then, that's why i declined." chan shifts in his seat, unfolding his legs and turning fully to you. so that was why they had stopped. "but i would have been happy to accept it now, if i had known it was you.” 

an intense heat started to creep up your neck upon his confession, a rosy hue dusting your cheeks and tinting your ears impossibly red.

“you mean-” chan nods at your conclusion and smiles, his eyes crinkling in amusement. he would have accepted?

“i don’t think we would have been close if we were married.” you say whilst scooping up a spoonful of cake, distracting yourself from the violent wave of emotions you felt. it was contradictory, but chan seemed to hum in agreement.

“i think you’re right. i’m glad we met this way though.”he sucks in a breath- a cute habit of his that you have observed even back then. 

chan then asks you in a soft voice, staring deep into your eyes. “we can start over if you’d like.”

“i’d like to get to know you.”

you lean your elbows on the table, the wind flowing gracefully through your hair as you muster out a grin. "i would like that."

the rest of the afternoon was spent comfortably in each other’s presence, finally eating the sweets laid before you two while catching up.

“t’was such a pleasure.” chan offered his hand for you to hold when it was time to retire back inside, placing a chaste kiss on the ridge of your knuckles. 

“my, my. you flatter me.” you chuckle, covering your mouth.

from the corner of your vision, you could faintly make out felix in the grassy meadow, sitting down in what seems to be his own table and sipping his own tea. he sends a cheery thumbs up upon seeing you and chan glance at him. chan’s face reddens, hiding sheepishly in his hands as you laugh.

[avatar-anna]

Can you write something about reader having an ED and Harry doesn’t notice at first but then starts to notice And then eventually helps you through it?

Try To Find a Way Back

trigger warning: mentions and direct references to eating disorders. please be cautious if you find this topic triggering

so, i don't know a ton about eating disorders and what it's like for someone who has one to be actively struggling with it, and writing about something i don't completely understand makes me nervous bc i don't want to get it wrong. however, since you asked, i'm going to do my best to write this!

in case anyone is curious, this is the article i referenced while writing

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"I just don't understand what her issue is. If I was in her shoes, I'd get help. It's that simple."

"I don't know if—"

"I mean, it's not like struggling with eating makes her special. Like, everyone has body image issues and we just deal with it. Harry will probably break up with her because of all the reassurance she needs. Poor guy probably didn't know what he got himself into when he asked her out. God what a headache for him."

You backed up slowly, not wanting to hear the conversation that was so clearly about you anymore. You'd gone to grab drinks for yourself and who you thought were your friends, but now your hands were shaking so hard you worried the contents in the two wine glasses would come spilling out, glass shattering to the floor. Your heart pounded in your chest, bile rising in your throat. Finding the nearest server walking around with an empty tray and, you set the glasses down before booking it out of the club.

Tears were already starting to pool in your eyes as you ordered an Uber to take you home. Phoebe was one of Harry's friends, but she'd been kind to you since the day he introduced you to her and the rest of his close knit group of friends he'd had for years. You'd been incredibly nervous. You were an outsider, not a model or a writer or a musician or an actor. You weren't extraordinarily talented or beautiful, you were just...you.

None of that seemed to matter to Harry, though. He'd been nothing but flirtatious since the moment he met you. Well, once he was able to look past his nerves. He'd been a bit of a stuttering mess at first, and it wasn't until an hour into talking to him where he really got comfortable enough to flirt, and flirt he did.

It took not one, not two, but three tries to get you to go out with him, your insecurities getting in the way the first two times. But that had been a few months ago, and now you were pretty sure you were in love with him, except now you knew his friends hated you.

She doesn't understand, you thought. It isn't so black and white. You would love to just fix yourself, to make yourself see a doctor, seek help. But eating disorders were a behavioral disease, and when you were in the thick of it, it was hard to shake. You'd told Phoebe about your struggles with your weight and eating disorder in confidence, thinking she was someone you could confide in, only to find her mocking your pain behind your back to someone else, and now you didn't know what to do.

Your phone buzzed with a text message, and you tensed when you saw who it was from.

Bubbie: hey where'd you run off to?

You: not feeling well. heading home

Bubbie: why didn't you say anything? let me take you home

Wiping away a tear, you typed out a text. In most cases, being around Harry would've brought you comfort, but right now, you just wanted to be alone. You couldn't let him see you like this, so unsteady.

You: it's ok. enjoy your first night back with your friends. kissies xx

*.*

You'd been avoiding Harry for the last week and a half. Phoebe's words sent you into a bit of a tailspin, and shame kept you from speaking to him, not wanting to involve him in your issues. Because you realized Phoebe was right. To some extent. You should've been able to ask for help, you should've been able to tell Harry how much you were really struggling, but your shame kept you from reaching out to anyone or asking for help, along with the desire to keep up your habits, which created a toxic cycle.

"It seems like this boy is doing you more harm than good, honey," your mom said over the phone. She was the only one you told about what you overheard Phoebe say.

"He's not the problem, Mom. I just—"

"You were doing so well up until you started seeing him. I just don't want you to slip again. I worry about you, and if being with that boy is causing you problems, then you need to look at the bigger picture."

Her heart was in the right place, it really was. Your mom had been there for a lot of your darkest moments and was rightfully protective of you and your health. But Harry really wasn't the problem. He'd never made you feel like you needed to change your body for him, it was quite the opposite in fact. He constantly praised the way you looked, and not because you needed reassurance or asked him to, despite Phoebe's assumptions. He just really thought you were beautiful.

"I can't just live my life alone, Mom," you said eventually, not wanting to admit more. "He makes me happy."

You heard your mom sigh, but she thankfully didn't press the matter further, even though you knew she had lots to say. She always had lots to say where your boyfriend was concerned. The last thing she said on the matter was, "Just...be careful."

Once you hung up the phone, you fell back against your bed for a few minutes before standing up and walking to your kitchen. A trip to the grocery store was in order, just based on the meager items in your pantry and refrigerator—pasta and no sauce, cereal but no milk, veggies but they weren't organic, and did you really need the family size bag of Doritos—

You took a breath, willing those thoughts away. You were fine. You were just upset about what Phoebe had said about you, nothing more. "It's just the grocery store," you murmured. "You go all the time."

*.*

The grocery store had never looked bigger. There were too many labels, too many colors, too many brands making promises of health and wellness. Your hands gripped the shopping cart until your knuckles were white, eyes wide as you carefully browsed the aisles. Everyone else was going about their business just fine. You watched as people grabbed what they needed with ease, scratching items off their lists and moving into the next thing.

How did they know which bread to buy? How did they decide on a cereal? Whole grain or multi grain? They didn't even look at the nutritional facts before putting something in their carts, didn't stop to do the math, counting calories and carbs and grams of sugar against what they already had. How could they just exist without caring about—

Your phone buzzing pulled you from your anxiety-riddled thoughts. With shaking hands, you pulled your phone out of your oversized zip-up, Harry's face popping up with the notification that he was calling you.

"H—Hello?"

"Hey, you! I feel like I haven't heard from you, so I thought I'd call and check in."

You smiled, despite the anxiousness that still had your shoulders tensed. "Sorry, I've been...busy."

"God, me too," Harry said woefully. "But I've let work get in the way far too much this week. I need to see you. Are you free tonight? I can come over and make dinner for the two of us."

The word dinner filled you with dread. That wasn't a good idea right now. The idea of anyone seeing you eat, even Harry, felt terrifying. But what could you do? Saying no would involve having to explain yourself, and you wanted to do that even less.

"I'd love to," you said, all that anxiety coiling in the pit of your stomach.

"Yeah? You're in for a treat, I happen to be a fabulous cook."

"Can't wait."

You couldn't even feel excited to see Harry. The dread of having to sit through dinner took up too much space in your mind. You tried to will it away. You liked Harry too much to let your mind get in the way of messing up the good thing you had going.

*.*

A few weeks later, and you were at Harry's house for dinner again, only this time it wasn't just the two of you.

Your date with Harry went better than expected. You picked at your food and pushed it around, shame eating away at you as you lied through your teeth about not feeling very well when Harry asked why you'd hardly eaten anything. He'd been so sweet, making you a cup of tea, laying down with you on his couch to soothe your fake stomach ache, kissing the top of your head and rubbing a hand over your stomach comfortingly.

You felt horrible for lying to him, and you very well couldn't come clean after the fact, but it was better than talking about it. The less you talked about it, the better.

Tonight, you'd been carefully picking at your food again, making sure to take bites that were big enough to look normal and trying not to look like it was making you physically unwell. Each bite was excruciating, your mind telling you not to eat anymore and that you could never exercise all those calories away. It was all you could do to not focus on all the ways you knew how unhealthy this dinner was. It didn't match at all with your diet journal and you'd have to make up for it by—

"—just so hard, don't you think, Y/n?"

"Huh?"

Phoebe smiled at you, but it didn't feel very friendly. You'd avoided talking to her all night so far, had even taken the farthest seat away from her at the table.

"We were talking about how hard it is to live here in LA," she said, gesturing vaguely to the people around her. "It feels like there's a new diet trend every week, and it's just so hard to lose weight while not looking completely anorexic—"

"Phoebe," Harry said tightly, cutting her off before she could finish.

Your grip was tight on your fork, unable to meet anyone in the eye. Did they know? You'd been careful tonight, and any of the other times you'd seen Harry or his friends recently. You didn't want their pity or their questions or their judgement. Nothing would've been worse than the disappointed look on Harry's face, or the look of disgust if he discovered the truth.

That still wasn't enough to stop, though.

"What? I didn't mean to be offensive. I'm just saying how hard it is to get to that perfect size. Y/n knows what I'm talking about. God, I feel like I can taste every calorie I eat, can't you, Y/n?"

"I—Not really," you said meekly. This was not the conversation you wanted to have right now, especially since it felt like you could feel everything you'd eaten tonight, every single bite, sinking to the bottom of your stomach.

"God, I wish I could just throw it up, you know? Then I could eat whatever I want and not feel guilty about it. No more diets, no more counting calories, I could—"

"That's enough," Harry said, voice sounding harder than you'd ever heard it. He glared at Phoebe, whose mouth was still open from stopping mid-sentence. Her eyes were wide with shock as she tried to justify her conversation topic.

"Excuse me," you murmured to Harry, standing up on shaking legs to step away from the table.

"Y/n—"

"I just need to use the restroom," you said, trying your best to talk around the lump in your throat.

You went upstairs to one of the guest bathrooms where you wouldn't be disturbed, though you locked the door to the toilet for good measure. Panic and guilt and self-loathing swirled through you, tears burning your eyes.

For weeks, you told yourself you had it under control. Your behavior was strict, but not worrisome. And effective, too, but that only made guilt and shame mingle with the feeling of success. Your jeans were loose, but you took to wearing baggy clothes so no one would notice. The scale in your bathroom got lower, but it never seemed low enough. Your stomach was taught, rib cage starting to poke through skin, but that just made you feel even worse about yourself and how quickly things escalated. It was a neverending cycle, but as you continued to lean over the toilet, you told yourself it would be just this once. Just this once and you wouldn't do it again. Just this once—

"Y/n? Can you let me in?"

Tears fell harder when you heard his voice. You couldn't let him see you like this. You couldn't face the humiliation, how disappointed he'd be when he realized—

"Y/n, open the door, or I'll break it down, I swear to God," Harry said with urgency in his voice.

Wiping your eye and then your mouth, you stood up, trembling as you turned the lock. You opened your mouth, unsure if an apology or an explanation would come tumbling out of your lips. But Harry pulled you to his chest before you could say a thing. You couldn't help the sobs that wracked your body as he held you up. His hand held the back of your head fiercely, but not harshly, the other one pushing you as close to him as he could.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I should've said something sooner. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't realize—I never should've—I'm so sorry."

You didn't find out what Harry thought he shouldn't have done because he rested on top of your head, kissing you repeatedly. He squeezed you so tight, as if he worried you would slip away if he didn't. You couldn't focus on anything else but your own emotions, too ashamed at being caught and guilty for having slipped so far in the first place.

"I was okay," you sobbed. "I thought I was okay. I thought—I thought I could control it."

Harry finally leaned away from you, just enough so he could hold your face in his hands and look you in the eye. "This is not your fault. Do you understand? It's not your fault."

More tears streamed down your face, but Harry's thumbs were there to wipe them away. His eyes roved over your face, searching for something, but you didn't know what. Eventually, he said, "There's so much I want to say, but I think for now...I think you should rest."

You agreed, so you didn't try to object. You were exhausted, just wanted the whole evening to evaporate into thin air. You didn't even care if Harry's friends were still in the house or not, you just wanted all the thoughts in your head—the ones still screaming at you to finish what you started and the ones begging you to let Harry help—to stop.

"I just want it to stop," you mumbled.

Harry rested his forehead against yours, breathing in deep. "I know."

*.*

"You're doing so well, love."

It didn't feel like it. In fact, you felt the exact opposite of well. But Harry was holding your hand as you walked through the aisles of the grocery store, his encouragement pushing you to take each step. "I don't think I can do this today."

"What did your eating disorder say to make you think that?" Harry murmured, causing you to grumble under your breath, but it did the trick. You took another step and grabbed the jar of pesto off the shelf.

He'd been doing that a lot recently. Ever since you came back from the treatment facility, he talked about your eating disorder as if it were a separate person, like it was a little devil with red horns talking over your shoulder and not a disease. It grated on your nerves at first because it made you feel like he was talking down to you, and because he was right. Your eating disorder had been the voice in your head and making you make unhealthy decisions. How he saw it first, you had no idea, you were just thankful he was still here, still with you on your road to recovery.

The trip to the grocery store took longer than it probably should've, especially since you only needed a couple things. But the minute you stepped inside, your body tensed up as you took everything in. It was a struggle not to turn packages over to read the nutritional facts, and even harder to put things in your cart. Today was re-introducing day, which meant eating a meal that had foods you'd actively avoided in the past. It scared the shit out of you, which was why Harry was here.

He'd been incredible, more patient than other people would be. He put up with your mother's harsh words when she blamed him for your relapse, he was there every day he was allowed to visit, and he picked up every phone call when you eventually came home. Whether it was to talk you down or talk about random things that came into his head to distract you from dangerous thoughts, he was there.

You honestly didn't know what you did to deserve him.

"How can I help?" Harry asked when you came to another stop.

"Do we really have to buy the parmesan cheese?" you asked, eyeing the aisle filled with various cheeses with a queasy stomach.

"I think you can do it," Harry said, not entirely answering the question. "I can tell you a story while I put it in the cart for you, if that helps."

"Okay," you said, not really sure if it would.

"Right, let me think for a moment," Harry said, mostly to himself. "Oh. Got it! Okay, so one time I went on this blind date, right? And I normally don't like them because my friends seemed to think I can't function without a partner, which is horribly embarrassing, and I normally have a horrible time, but I went to the bar I agreed to meet this person at, and—"

"What? You hated it?" you asked. Part of you thought it was weird that Harry was talking about a date with someone else, but it was doing its job.

Harry raised his brows at you. "I talk, you push."

You rolled your eyes, but pushed the cart another inch, trying to focus on his voice and not where you were headed.

"As I was saying, I get to the bar, and I'm like, holy shit, because I see the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life, and as I go over to talk to her, someone calls out to me, and I realize the girl I saw wasn't who I wasn't supposed to go on a date with, it was someone else. But I can't just ditch this other girl even though I'm dying to just go over to the girl by the bar, so I stay put and try to engage in conversation and laugh when I think I'm supposed to, but I just—All I could think about was the girl in this cute little mini skirt and vest and what was making her laugh so damn much."

"Mini skirt and vest...at a bar...Wait, you don't mean—You were on a blind date when we met?"

The bar in question wasn't one you frequented. It was an upscale one, and you went because your friend dragged you inside, curious to see if she could get any CEOs to buy her a drink, and you...you were just there to make sure your friend got home okay. But somehow you bumped into Harry, though now you supposed you knew why.

"Not technically," Harry said. "The date was over when I walked up to you, and, well, you know the rest. I charmed the pants off you."

You snorted. "That's not what happened."

You'd known who Harry was when before he introduced himself, it was kind of hard not to. You'd seen music videos and heard his songs on the radio and seen him on your TV more than a handful of times, but it was definitely surprising to see him in person, especially because on screen he seemed so chill and cool and cute, the Harry you met was cute, but he could hardly get a word out.

"Nonsense. I remember it differently," Harry said with a sniff.

"You were so nervous it was so cute," you said, wrapping your arms around one of his while he took a turn with the cart.

Kissing the top of your head, he said, "If that's how you want to remember it, fine. But I do remember talking to you for hours and feeling like no time had passed at all. We closed down the bar, do you remember?"

"Mmhm," you said, nodding against his shoulder. "And then you tried to take me home."

"Can you blame me? I met the girl of my dreams, I couldn't just let you leave."

"You mean that?" you asked, looking up at him.

With everything you'd been through recently, it surprised you to know Harry was still with you. This battle you were fighting was lifelong, and you wouldn't have blamed him for leaving somewhere down the line. You loved him, and it would've hurt like hell, but you would've understood. But he never did, and every time you asked him about it, he just said he wasn't going anywhere.

Eventually, you stopped asking.

"I do," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "You did it, love."

"What?" Raising your head off his shoulder, you looked around. You were at checkout, all the items you and Harry set out to buy today sitting in your basket. "We did it."

"You did it, Y/n. I'm so proud of you."

Relief rushed through you. It was one hurdle, just one, but each one was a victory, and Harry was there to help you celebrate each one. It was too public to kiss him, even though you felt the urge to, so you squeezed his hand and kissed the top of it instead.

"I love you," you whispered.

"I love you too," he said, taking you by surprise when he tilted your chin up for a brief kiss. "You ready to check out?"

Anxiety filled your belly once more as the weight of your situation bore down on you once again. Squeezing Harry's hand again, you shook your head.

Harry wrapped an arm around your shoulders and tucked you into his side. The warmth emanating from him was a comfort, and you breathed in deep, letting the scent of his cologne and laundry detergent flood your senses to distract you.

"Don't listen to the disease, Y/n. Listen to me, okay? How about another story?"

You nodded. "Please."

"You're going to be alright, Y/n, I promise," he said.

And maybe you didn't believe him completely now, but you trusted him enough to believe it for you until you did.

[lloreya]

Heartbreak

: ̗̀➛ paring ; neteyam x f!metkayinareader

warnings ; angst, heartbreak, mean teyam :/ 

|| you had loved neteyam sully dearly, you believed he was your true love. You believed it was the same for him, considering you two were in a relationship. Though the thought became questionable after seeing him with her.

“So Kiri stuck her foot out it, then- then Loak tripped it was so funny!” You wheezed, picturing the funny memory you had witnessed earlier that morning.

“Mh..” Your mate hummed, clearly unfazed or interested in the conversation. The Omaticaya boy sharpened his dagger he was gifted on his 10th birthday — it never left his side since.

You awkwardly sat there, fingers tapping the ground to fill the tense air. Lately he’d been so.. distant from you and you couldn’t understand why. Your blue eyes just watched his fingers work, your own still making a rhythm on the floorboards.

“Yawne stop I am trying to focus.” He whispered, the navi accent slurring right off his tongue.

A quiet ‘sorry’ escapes your soft lips, still eying his activity.

The hut you two shared was usually loud, filled with laughter and love but recently— it was the complete opposite. Either Neteyam came home late or an argument would occur, it was draining. You missed him, not this stranger.

You missed the man you fell involve with.

“I’m going to go sleep.” You spoke softly, glancing at your mate one last time as you rose to your feet. He sat there, legs hanging into the water as you two were sitting at the outside part of your hut.

A nod was all he did, still focusing on the dagger.

“Goodnight.”

“Yeah, night.”

You wanted to take your mind off things, so the following morning you decided to hangout with your best friend Loak by the water. Atleast HE gave you attention, which was ironic. The younger brother of your mate payed more attention to you in a day than he could a month.

The troublemaking boy noticed your sad demeanour, nudging your side with his elbow.

“Hm?” Your head turned to face him.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing?” You mumbled as you brought your knees to your chest, taking in the view of the water and the blue sky ahead of you two.

Loak hated when you were like this— sad and didn’t want any help. He knew you were too stubborn to speak, stubborn to keep things to yourself. So he stood up, holding his palm out to you.

A puzzled look was all he received, so the boy rolled his eyes, “cmon.”

“What?”

“Let’s go see payakan, cmon bro.” Loak pulled you up to your feet, holding onto your wrist tightly.

“i dunno— i should head home soon, neteyam will-“

Loak scoffed, “neteyam, neteyam, neteyam~” He mimicked your voice which made you let out a soft chuckle, “cmon, you can hang with me for an hour or two. Please.” A pout formed on his face, a pout he did that always got him what he wanted.

This boy really knew how to get onto your nerves, but soon, you caved in and smiled.

“Finee, only an hour.”

“Thank youu you’re the best!”

Soon enough you arrived home, it was after eclipse now so the sky was dark, the bioluminescent ocean was the only thing lighting the darkness of your home.

“Tey? i’m home—“

But you froze. There he sat with another girl in the clan. She had beautiful long curly hair that was tied up in a bun. The girl sat there, kissing Neteyam as he wrapped her arm around her.

“Teyam.” You whispered. It was the only word you could whisper. Your Teyam, your lovely Teyam had another girl over in your home. Kissing another girl in your home.

Your breath was stuck in your throat, your heart felt like it was crumbling — your eyes began to water.

“Yawne.” Neteyam stood up immediately, slowly walking towards you, hand reaching to hold you.

“no- no- Just stop! Okay? you-“

How could he do this to you? You stepped back away from him.

“Let me explain, ple-“

“No! No- these past weeks you’ve treated me like shit! Now i come home to see you cheating on me with another girl are you serious?”

Your mate sighed softly infront of you, “yawne, please i just-“

“You just what? huh? you just decided to cheat on someone who loves you so damn much?”

“i just lost feelings okay?! i didnt know how to tell you.”

The air was now cold and silent — you two shared intense eye contact until yours softened.

“i’m going.” You whispered with a shaky voice, turning your back to him and his side piece, walking out the hut. Your eyes forced you to turn around one more time, to see if he’d follow you. But to your surprise, he didn’t.

He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t love you anymore.

————————————————————————

AN ; this is my first piece of work— i hope you guys enjoy it 😭 im not quite the best at descriptive writing but im trying to get better,, drop some ideas for me to write id love some :)

@lloreya 2024

[little-emerald-snake]

Kinktober Day 19

Double Penetration - Sebastian Sallow X Ominis Gaunt X F!MC

🔥NSFW 🔞 MDNI

1.7k words

Sebastian was hot on her heels as she quickly made her way from the quidditch pitch toward the castle. Her face was red with shame as Seb tried to calm her nerves and get a grip on her robes to slow her down. “Hey! Would you slow down love! Seriously, it's no big deal! I’m just surprised is all! Look, I’m sorry for embarrassing you! Slow down so we can talk about this.”

They’d been hidden away under the quidditch stands alternating between kissing and telling each other fantasies when Sebastian had coaxed a rather juicy one out of his girlfriend.

She’d admitted to liking the idea of having two men fill her at the same time. She’d wanted to try two in one hole but said she wasn’t sure if she would be able to take it and would settle for one in her pussy and one in her ass.

Sebastian had admitted it would be rather hot and immediately went to teasing her about which friend he’d ask to help fulfill her fantasy. She’d gone bright red and bolted, leaving Seb trailing behind, trying to apologize for scandalizing her.

Once he’d caught up to her, finally snagging a hold of her robes, he pulled her around to a part of the castle wall where they could talk without being overheard. “Love, please. I’m sorry for teasing you. But I really do want to do this with you if you’d really be interested.”

She was quiet for a moment, milling over who they would possibly choose and what that person would say about their ‘extra curricular activities’. She finally grasped his sleeve anxiously and nodded. “F-fine. But only if we find someone to agree…someone who won’t out us to the whole school preferably.”

Sebastian chuckled, pulling her close and rubbing her back gently. “Love, you do realize half of this school's population would kill to shag you, right?”

She pulled back, playfully punching his arm. He only laughed, pulling her close for a hug before taking her hand and leading her inside and castle. “Would you like to hear my first idea?”

She was toying with the hem of her sleeve nervously as they walked. She was clearly anxious but she nodded, looking up at him with a question in her eyes. “I think Ominis would…he definitely wouldn’t say a damn word about it if he didn’t want to at the very least.”

She thought for a moment and had to agree that she could never see Ominis doing something like that to her or Seb, even if he was totally scandalized by the idea. “I-if you’re sure. Would you mind asking him by yourself? L-like I’m just nervous to hear the conversation…in case he is shocked.”

Sebastian nodded and assured her that he would take care of it. He was fairly confident that Ominis would be game for it. They’d never shared a girl before but in a drunk conversation one night he hadn’t been opposed to the idea Sebastian had brought forth randomly.

He made his way to his dorm room where he knew his best friend would be at this time, slowly knocking and entering to see the blonde leaned back in his bed against his pillows with a book in one hand and his wand in the other, tip pressed to the page as he looked up towards the door. “Sebastian?”

Sebastian stepped inside and shut the door behind him before walking to sit on the side of Ominis’ bed. “Hey, Om. I actually have a pretty personal question. Do you have a minute?”

Ominis’ brows lifted but he closed his book and placed it to the side, sitting himself up and looking in Seb’s direction. “Of course. Is this something that’ll make me want to hit you or will we be okay?”

Sebastian chuckled a bit, running a hand through his brown curls. “Ha, about that. You may want to hit me but I don’t think it’ll be for the reason you’re expecting. It does involve my girlfriend though so don’t be too mad.”

Ominis inhaled and nodded. He wasn’t sure what to expect but he was preparing for anything. After all, it was Sebastian.

Sebastian nervously picked at the hem of his robes and sighed. “Well, me and her were talking…about things we’d like to explore. One we both landed on was…a threesome…or more specifically double penetration…”

Ominis’ brows raised again but he said nothing, giving a curious look. “Are you asking for advice? An opinion? I don’t exactly see how I’m invol…oh! Oh shit! You thought of me?!”

Sebastian swallowed hard, plucking the fuzz from the blanket beneath him anxiously. “Yea. Figured we both agreed on you and even if you weren’t down for it you wouldn’t air out everything for the whole school.”

Ominis was surprised but nodded, looking down and contemplating how that would go. “Well, you are correct. I won’t tell anyone, that’s for sure. I guess you both don’t have a second option picked out do you?”

Sebastian shook his head even though he knew his friend wouldn’t see it. “No. You were our first and only choice really. I honestly thought you’d be kinda into it…since I know you had a crush on her before we started dating and all.”

Ominis nodded again, a grim expression on his face. “Yes. That’s true. Well I suppose I’ll agree. If nothing else it could be some fun to take my mind off of the increasingly hard school work as of late. Plus it’ll satisfy a craving for all of us. I can hardly see the harm.”

Sebastian cleared his throat and blew a relieved breath before they made a plan. This Friday after classes they’d take a bottle of firewhiskey to the Undercroft and fulfill their little fantasy for her.

~~~

By the end of the week she was anxious, hugging her books to her chest as she peered around, making sure none of her classmates spotted her heading to the Undercroft.

But after just a bit of teasing and two shots of firewhiskey they had her undressed on the large bed Sebastian had conjured, big enough for all their group activities.

Ominis was fully undressed, laid out on the sheets as Sebastian laid his girlfriend across his best friend's chest, using his fingers to tease her open and get her ready.

Once he was satisfied he helped her straddle Ominis and sink her hips down onto his pale girth before climbing behind her, between his best friend's legs and using a lubrication charm to begin stretching her other hole.

She lightly rocked her hips on Ominis, driving strained groans from the man below her as Sebastian’s fingers stretched her. “Fuck, Seb…just want you now. Feels so good, need to be fucked…”

Sebastian growled, eager to give into his pretty girlfriend's cries. He pulled his fingers out, lined up to carefully slide into her. She whimpered and moaned at the stretch. One felt good but two were intense. She’d never had any feeling like it before but it excited her and she could hardly wait till they both moved inside of her.

After allowing her to adjust a but, Sebastian wasted no time in slowly sliding her hips forward and back onto them. Both men groaned as she molded perfectly around them. Holes tightening as she experienced the new feeling of being so incredibly full.

Sebastian gripped her hips and rutted gently into her, eliciting a pleasured sigh to fall from her lips. Ominis pulled her down with a hand on the back of her neck and swallowed the whimpers she made as Sebastian’s thrusts continued, rocking her back and forth so that both men were sliding in and out of her at the same time.

Before long she was hyper fixated on the small space between their cocks, how incredibly full she felt between her legs. She clenched and tensed around them in utter bliss as her holes swallowed both cocks greedily.

Ominis had taken to holding her hips in place and thrusting up inside of her while Sebastian took advantage of the position and fucked into her with fervour. She was a moaning, soaking mess between them.

She was absolutely on cloud nine. Both holes spasming around them. She cried out loud when she finally caved to the delicious friction of them and came hard, tightening impossibly so around them both.

It had been the most intense orgasm she’d ever felt but neither man slowed their pace which only drove her further into a frenzy. She was spasming so intensely around both of them that Ominis fell apart next, cum flooding her tightness as she came once again around him.

Sebastian wasn’t far behind, grinding out his pleasure as long as he could before he finally groaned with release, hips stuttering against her round ass as he collapsed over his girlfriend, still mounted on his spent best friend. “Oh, fuck…”

She laid across Ominis chest, hair in her face and tits pressed against his pale chest as Sebastian finally sat up and gently slid out of her perfect body with a sigh, toppling over to one side of the bed and reaching for his wand to clean up.

Ominis wiggled to the side and gently rolled her off to lay between him and Seb. She whimpered when he slid out but made no other protests. Ominis kissed her temple gently and pushed her hair out of her face with care.

She let a sweet smile across her lips as Sebastian leaned up on his elbow on her other side with a blissed out smile. “Damn, you guys are hot. Was it as good as you thought it would be, love?”

She turned to look at Seb and smiled, giving a small nod. He could tell by the glow of her cheeks that she had thoroughly enjoyed the experience. He gave a wolfish grin, leaning in close to her ear. “What if we convinced Ominis to make this a more…permanent arrangement?”

Her eyes widened and so did Ominis’ from her other side. Seb smiled at the reaction from them both as he leaned back and took in the moment of himself, his beautiful girlfriend and his beautiful best friend together in bed. “Yea. I think this is something I could get used to.”

Kinktober Prompt List

[swordfright]

Since we're talking c!Quackity...one of the interactions that fascinates me is the conversation between him, c!Wilbur, and c!Tommy when crimeboys visit Las Nevadas, because it contains this snippet of conversation:

This snippet comes in the middle of a larger conversation wherein Wilbur, more or less freshly revived, is grilling both Tommy and Q for details about how to get into the prison to see Dream. After this, the conversation moves on to navigating the visitation system. This snippet is framed within the context of Wilbur wanting to visit Dream, Tommy trying to convince him not to, and Quackity...? Well, okay, what is Quackity trying to do here? What's his goal in this conversation? He readily supplies Wilbur with info about the visitation and security systems (while Tommy actively withholds and obfuscates this info), so does that mean Q is trying to normalize his own visits by encouraging other people to visit? That's possible, but what interests me more is the question of, like, what the hell is going on here in a broader sense.

The simplest view of this conversation is that it's an argument between two people who are diametrically opposed, and Quackity is the third party here, a guy who doesn't seem particularly invested in either outcome. Which begs the question, why does he bring his own visits up at all? Q is the one who cuts in and mentions that he's been visiting Dream, which at this point isn't a secret on the server but it's also not something Q seems interested in discussing at length. The torture visits are something to be flaunted, not talked about. My assumption, given what we know about Q as a character, is that he's leveraging his experience with navigating Pandora in order to impress Wilbur. Information is something that can be negotiated, brokered, sold - so he's letting Wilbur know he has something Wilbur wants.

This is classic Q behavior right up until the end, where he gets oddly touchy about the torture being brought up. This moment has always struck me as weird, especially considering the handful of other times Quackity doesn't care whether people know (the conversation he has with George comes to mind, as well as the path he asks Foolish to build.) So there are three possibilities here:

that Q is bothered by Tommy saying the quiet part out loud;

that Q has only just found out about Wilbur's gratitude to Dream in the last 5 minutes (literally) and doesn't want to give Wilbur a reason to oppose him right now;

there's something about Tommy specifically knowing about and acknowledging the torture that rubs Q the wrong way.

Personally, I don't see option #2 as viable, given that Wilbur and Quackity are already beefing over how close to Las Nevadas Wilbur can build stuff. That's part of the reason Wilbur is here in the first place: to execute some chernobyl-grade negging. It's not world-ending beef, but given the propensity for mid-tier beef to turn into world-ending beef on this server, it's not nothing. Point is, Quackity and Wilbur have already been at odds with each other for this entire episode. Is Quackity less likely to tolerate conflict involving Dream? Absolutely, but I don't think avoiding such a conflict is his primary reason for acting the way he does here.

My current theory is that it's a combination of #1 and #3 - Quackity seemingly enjoys implying that he's been torturing Dream, but rarely talks about it outright unless it's with Sam. I can't think of many examples of him discussing the torture openly with other characters. I think it's not a stretch to say he enjoys the power of suggestion, he likes making people wonder, he likes making people scared, but he's not really prepared for someone to bring it up so boldly and directly the way Tommy does here. As for why this bothers him, my best guess is that the torture is actually kind of...difficult to talk about with people who aren't directly involved (i.e. Sam and Dream.) It's an incredibly demanding habit that takes up much of Quackity's time and energy, not to mention it's insanely intimate. Like I just don't think it's a stretch to say that Q probably just straight-up doesn't know how to talk about it in a way that's upfront, rather than gloating or flaunting or vaguely implying. Another reason it's likely difficult is that, based on the interactions we've seen, Q probably isn't used to other people bringing it up at all. Tommy's remark catches him off-guard in a very literal way.

The "Don't say that, not even as a joke," really gets me though, because it's such a defensive thing to say, coming from a guy who up until now has been very clear about how little interest he has in defending the indefensible. Is this comment a sign of remorse on Quackity's part? Fuck no, but I do think it's an admission of something. Keep in mind that Quackity's mannerisms when speaking to Tommy are almost identical to the way he speaks to c!Slime. This is evident in a number of streams from the Las Nevadas era, but especially this one: Quackity's tone of voice, language, demeanor, all of it is calculated to evoke the same kind of mentor-mentee relationship he has with Slime. And it makes sense - at this junction in the story, Q views Tommy as someone who's young and impressionable and fucks up a lot, someone who could use Q's advice, someone who's easy to manipulate.

If I were to hedge a bet, I'd say the primary reason Quackity reacts to the torture comment with defensiveness in this scene is because Tommy's remark reminds him that he needs to stay in control of the narrative. I think this is why Q brings up his visits (not the torture, but the visits) earlier in the conversation: "Tommy, you know about this, right?" He's testing Tommy to see how much he knows, and is taken aback when Tommy is prepared to bring up the nasty stuff. Q can walk around with Dream's blood on his shirt all he likes, but once the story's out, it's out - Quackity will no longer have control over who knows and, more importantly, what they think. If anything, this moment is a fleeting but noticeable admission of Quackity's insecurities surrounding the torture in specific. If he's going to properly manage his alliances, he would do well to maintain control of info surrounding, uh, how he spends his time.

[blueroan-equestrian]

Yawne pt 2

Part 1

@Isazelhmann

Aonung walked into our home with his catch of the day and some fruit.

I gasped excitedly, “Aonung! You brought home fruit! Where did you find these?”

He smiled as sauntered over for a kiss, “it was a bit away but I know you love these. Thought I would surprise you. Will help me with the fish? I got enough for the family dinner. I’m going to stowaway the fruit though.”

“Of course, thank you for providing for me.” I hummed.

He leaned in for another kiss, “of course Yawne. How was your day? Did mom teach you anything new?”

I chuckled, “Yeah… today was just a diving to Eywa and listening for her… she helped me stay under the water longer than I thought I could… you know I still have a long way to go with my breath work… I don’t get as much practice as my siblings…”

He kissed me stopping my rambling, “I know babe, it’s fine. You are a healer. We need good healers. I hunt for us, I can’t heal anyone. I know I used to worry about it but I wasn’t choosing you back then… I chose you now.”

We got to work on the fish and as we were finishing up, my family arrived. Aonung has been more involved since we reconciled. Sure we started family dinners before but he was only going through the motions. Now he actively participates in the conversation. He was currently telling my father about the best spot to fish during this time of the year and I was completely enamored with him.

He caught me staring and he flashed me a cocky smile, “Enjoying yourself Yawne?”

I smiled back and rested my chin on his shoulder, “Yes I am. I can’t be more proud of you.”

Lo’ak of course made a face and I couldn’t care anyway.

When walking my family out my mom turned to me and says, “I am glad to see you happy. I am glad that he has grown to not only love you but adore you. I was worried at first but he has proven me wrong.”

“Me too mom. He has proven us both wrong. And I am so grateful that he has. Thanks for coming over.”

Mom hugged me tight, “No thank you for the beautiful family night.”

… I watched my family walk back before turning to find Aonung already cleaning up. I smiled watching him taking care of me in a way he didn’t before. Before he did this just to go through the motions and that was a big step for us as before we weren’t even doing that. I remember the first time I started sitting with him during clan dinners, we didn’t even speak. I remember our first family dinner he brought the fish and and vegetation that I asked for and didn’t participate in creating a meal, only spoke when spoken to and never helped clean up. We were sharing a bed and I think it did help with us bonding as we would snuggle even if it was unintentional at times. Then he pulled that stunt and what I thought had killed all progress we had worked for turned out to launch us forward to this. Us really seeing each other.

“Aonung, you spent all day to get ready for this, for me, why don’t you let me clean up. I’m sure you haven’t seen your friends all day. Why don’t you go join them. I’m sure they are still out and about as they always are.”

“I don’t mind Yawne, these nights are important to you.”

“Yes they are but I know that my little brother can really get under your skin. You can go unwind while I clean up. You need your time with your friends as much as I do with my family. Please, go relax.” I cooed placing a hand onto his shoulder.

He stood up handing me what he had in his hand and then kissed me quickly, “Thank you Yawne. See you in a few hours?”

I nodded and kissed him again before he trotted off. I cleaned up quickly enough. I moved onto preparing a bath for myself. It was definitely needed, diving was still a bit of a challenge for me. My muscles had tensed up from the focus it takes to keep myself under water. I love the way water feels but the day made me feel like I stank literally and metaphorically. I sat in our small wooden tub that only I could fit in. Aonung would have to run a wet rag over him and if he wants more of a flowing water he has to stand in the tub and take a basin and pour it over him. I finished up and used his basin to drain the tub enough for me to be able to carry it out and dump it out. I sat in our shared bed falling asleep quickly. I was awoken by Aonung crawling into bed with me. I turned around and snuggled into him.

“Did I wake you, Yawne? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you… Yawne?” Aonung whispers into the darkness.

“Hmmm?” I hummed.

“I… never mind.” He mumbled.

“No tell me my love.” I coo as I reach for his face.

He covered my hand with his and looked into my eyes through hooded eyes, “we have a tradition of when we are mated to get tattooed… I am not asking for you to do it. I don’t care one way or another. But I was thinking of getting it done… but I don’t want to be alone when I get it… will you come with me?”

“Of course I will come with you.” I hummed. “Why do you want them now?”

“Because I have a wife, whom I love and respect. I want the clan to know just how committed I am to you.”

“But you don’t care if I don’t do the same.” I questioned.

“No, it’s my tradition, it doesn’t mean the same thing for me as does for you. So it’s purpose isn’t really relevant. I want it because that’s it shows that I am proudly married, that is how we show it. I’m sure that you have your own way of showing your marriage status.” He shrugged.

“Not anything quite so obvious as the tattoo.” I sighed. “We used specific feathers… feathers that aren’t from around here…”

“How about some special seashells instead?”

“Yeah… will you pick them out?”

“Yes I would love that.”

…

Aonung sat cross legged in front of me holding my hand as the elderly woman tapped the needle into his shoulder that was being used to tattoo him. “You’re doing great baby.” I cooed.

He gritted his teeth and tried to make it look like he was completely fine. This tattoo was going to be a two, three day if not longer event as it was going to be from his shoulder blade, down his pectoral and down part of his arm. I worried that he would pop a blood vessel with how much he was straining. “Try to relax baby, you got this.” I hummed patting his hand that I was holding.

He squeezed his eyes shut, “I’m trying too.”

“You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” I reminded him.

“I’m fine, Yawne. Nothing that I can’t handle.” He strained to say.

I checked, “alright Yawne I am with you.”

…

When she finished she turned to me, “so when are we doing yours?”

I glanced at Aonung nervously, and thankfully he responded, “(Y/n) has her own customs, that she will be abiding by. The tattoo isn’t something she will be participating in right now.”

She smiled tightly with a judgmental expression but didn’t dare question the future chief. He dove for the best shells that were small enough to weave into my hair but still colorful. Aonung insisted that he would braid them in but I had to redo it. Of course I let him think he did it all on his own. “Look at my beautiful wife, may all other men know you have been claimed and look on with envy.”

I chuckled, “Aonung being one of the only forest Navi in this tribe, I stick out like a sore thumb and everyone knows that I belong to you anyhow.”

He stepped close to me and pulled me close, “You know I think there’s another way to show off that you are mine.”

“Oh? How?” I chuckled as I played along.

“Let me put a baby in that pretty little pussy of your.”

I chuckled nervously, “Aonung… I have done nothing to stop a pregnancy, I know that I have to produce you an heir.”

He cocked his head to the side rolling his eyes, “Babe, you don’t have to if you don’t want to… but I would like to have one with you if you want one with me too…”

“And if I say I’m not ready?” I asked tentatively.

“Then I would say that maybe we should start taking some precautions until you are ready.”

I looked at him, “and you would be alright with that?”

“Of course I am, it’s your body and if you aren’t ready for it then I don’t want you to feel obligated to change your body in anyway for me. Even for an heir.”

I smiled, “and if I am ready?”

“Then we continue as we have. So my Yawne, what are we doing?”

I bite my lip, “I think… we continue on as we are and let Eywa decide.”

He simply leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine as he led me back to our bed. His lips kissed down my neck, to my chest, to my stomach where he stopped to pay extra affection to before proceeding to my pussy. His breath hit my skin and my breath hitches in anticipation of his tongue flicking out to swirl around my clit. I bucked my hips desperate for more. He pulled back, “baby girl I need you to hold still. I will take care of you baby.” He pressed his lips firmly around my clit as he devoured me. His tongue twisted inside of me and his touch made me see stars. He climbed back up me and whispered, “baby, wanna ride me or do you want me to fuck you senseless?”

“Roll over darling, I wanna ride you.” I moaned as we rolled so that I would be on top. I reached down to take a hold of him to guide him into me. We both let out a sigh of relief as I sank down onto him. His hands found my hips and helped guide me back and forth in a steady rhythm until he seemed to need more. He used his weight to flip us, smiling down at me with a glint in his eye, he placed a hand above my womb and pressed down creating a delicious friction inside of me. “Oh Aonung! Oh Eywa! Harder please!”

He growled and picked up the pace, throwing his head back. “Baby you feel so good.” With a few more thrust, I was cumming and he was shooting his seed, deep inside of me. He rolled off me panting, “Well baby let’s hope it takes.”

I rolled my eyes, “What ever happens, happens.”

Part 3

[luna-writes-stuff]

Wasting Love, Kirk Hammett

Song link

Fanfic, fem! reader

Angst, bittersweet pining

Word count: 4269

Tw: mention of sex, groupies, that rockstar life™ etc. You also kind of sleep around so maybe kind of OOC to you, but the whole song is about one night stands and sex that doesn’t involve feelings, so cry about it <3 For a fic about sex, it sure lacks actual sex and smut. This is just angst revolving around sex, so I’m sorry to my horny readers :( Mentions of drugs/being drugged (doesn’t happen in the story, but it gets mentioned) and use of alcohol. Swearing, Luna’s favourite swear word fuck <3

Summary: Touring with Metallica brought unnecessary talks about groupies and their nights spent together. And it shouldn’t have bothered you, had you not been head over heels for Kirk. When you see him sneaking out of an hotel room one night, you finally break.

Buy me a coffee/force me to write more

“Maybe one day I'll be an honest man. Up 'til now I'm doing the best I can.”

There were so many great things about touring with Metallica: you saw a little bit of the world, met many amazing fans, had fun company and you didn’t have to pay for much. It did come as a plus that you had known James as long as you had. He had, after all, been the one who had managed to get you to be the one to tune the guitars, basses and make sure their amplifiers were working correctly. It was a job that technically only had to be done 2 to 3 hours before the band had to go up on stage, so there was plenty of time for you to enjoy your time in a new city.

The single awful thing about travelling with Metallica: learning a lot more about their private life than you would have actually liked. It was no secret that rockstars had their local groupies, but the time spent with them would continue to baffle you. The worst part of it all were the ineffable feelings that had begun to grow towards a certain guitarist. You didn’t know if he was oblivious or did it out of spite (which would have been way worse), but each time you couldn’t come on the bus or knock on hotel doors because of… well, activities, your heart broke a little bit more.

You should have anticipated this from the start. James had kindly warned you about it, which had been an awkward conversation at first, but you truly thought you could handle it. But when they weren’t busy, they were talking about their nights, bragging about it as if you weren’t sitting right there. What hadn’t helped the situation was that James knew about your whole situation, so the usual comments he’d throw towards his band members had lessened significantly. Especially when Kirk had something to throw in.

“Long roads, long days. Of sunrise to sunset, of sunrise to sunset.”

You had been good friends with all of them for years, so they never really considered you as an outsider to their conversations. Initially, it had led to great talks, but now all they really brought was sorrow. And Kirk seemed perfectly happy in his situation, often talking about how this was so much better than a relationship, because no feelings could be hurt. After that, you could never really find it in yourself to find a move on him.

So, you let yourself get caught up in their lives too. After all, with the involvement the band gave you, many fans had laid their eyes on you as well. If they could find their joy and liberty in sex, you might as well. No feelings attached, just brief hook-ups and nights spent in other hotel rooms. You didn’t know what hurt most: the fact you found little relief in it, or the fact no one seemed bothered you had been sleeping around. When you casually mentioned it once, the band seemed to almost cheer for you, claiming it was good that you found some pleasure as well. You had hoped for that slight shift in Kirk’s posture, or a tiny twitch in his eyes, but nothing.

James hadn’t talked with you about it. He just figured you had moved on. In all honesty, he was too busy as well to properly have a conversation about emotions, actions and feelings. You didn’t want to burst his bubble.

“Dream on, brothers, while you can. Dream on, sisters, I hope you find the one.”

Thus, you continued the tour as you usually did. Some days you’d hang out with the band, other days you’d discover cities on your own. Besides your pining, you and Kirk had been close friends as well, so it wasn’t unusual for you to go to bars together or explore backstreets with just the two of you. But the longer the tour wore on, the more uncomfortable it had gotten. Ever since you had shared your experiences, it seemed to only fuel their… private talks. None showed shame in it, and none noticed that that fake laugh you had been putting up was getting weaker by the day.

You didn’t know how many weeks you had been on tour now or how many shows had been played. You didn’t even really know in which city you were, nor who was the name of the person in the bed next to you. When you had gotten changed and realised they were still sleeping, you couldn’t even tell what time it had been.

You had stumbled out of the unknown hotel room, hair messy and clothes lazily thrown on. It wasn’t as if you were going to run into anyone important during this hour. Except, it did.

By the time you rounded the corner, you found Kirk sneaking out of another room, seemingly in a similar state to what you had been in. Your heart shattered all over again at the sight, but you swallowed it down. When he noticed you, he fumbled with his pants, giving you a goofy grin and a short wave. You hadn’t even noticed you had frozen, your eyes glued on the red marks on his neck. However, you snapped out of it quickly, copying his wave before walking the other way. You couldn’t recall where your room was. You didn’t really want to find it now. Somehow, that sheer sight managed to get you more worked up than it should have.

“All of our lives, covered up quickly. By the tides of time.”

The elevator took too long to reach your floor, so you opted for the stairs after waiting for a full five seconds. All you really wanted to do right now is find a secluded space where you could just sink to the ground and cry. For a really long time.

The only logical place in your head ran to the lobby downstairs. They would have enough bathroom stalls for you to simply collapse there and have a good crying session. When you were done, you could recollect your thoughts. The idea of it sounded so nice. However, by the time you came downstairs, you were simply too exhausted to do anything else but collapse on the nearest chair and just stare blankly at the wall. It was still dark outside, the only thing illuminating the streets being the streetlights and occasional cars. You only saw them from the corner of your eyes, your head still straight towards the empty green wall in front of you.

You could have sat there for hours, and you wouldn’t have known. It probably wasn’t. When you were done staring, you spotted a clock, seeing the pointers on two and six. You didn’t reach the hotel until one, so you couldn’t have sat there for hours. It felt like it, though.

You didn’t want to move. Not really. You just felt incredibly numb now. You should have just mentioned everything at the beginning. You shouldn’t have been such a pussy and should have made a move years ago. You shouldn’t have joined this tour. You could have known this going into it. It was a mistake. This was terrible.

“Spend your days full of emptiness. Spend your years full of loneliness.”

In a fit of frustration, you throw the heels in your hands across the room, sick and tired of holding them the entire time. You watched as they bounced on the floor, before coming to halt in an almost cinematic shot. When they stilled, your hands balled up into fists. These heels were gorgeous to look at. You remembered picking them out this night. They went perfect with your outfit and simply looked stunning. You remembered the reason why you had put them on: you were going to a bar with the band. And you looked breathtaking. These were the heels that seemed to ooze sex and ask for attention. Of course these had to be the heels you had worn for him. He had told you how much he loved them when starting the tour. When unpacking your wardrobe, he had casually wandered in and went through your shoes, and these were the ones special enough for him to mention. You had worn them for him. And he left with some chick, leaving you wallowing in self pity in the bed of a stranger.

Fuck those heels.

You couldn’t even properly formulate why it had devastated you as much as it had. He didn’t seem interested in you, so you began to pick up on his lifestyle. You hadn’t even done it in an effort to make him jealous or glue his eyes to you - no; you simply needed the distraction from him. And you were so convinced you were going to find it in the bed of another, but you didn’t.

All his stupid fault. No one told him he had to be so damn desirable and kind. In all truth, you were convinced he couldn’t even see how much it bothered you. You couldn’t tell if that made him a bad friend, or you a bad friend. Probably both. All you knew was that, if it wasn’t for him, you’d be perfectly happy where you were.

“Wasting love, in a desperate caress. Rolling shadows of nights.”

The longer you remained stuck on your own thoughts, the harder it became to suppress the huge lump in your throat. The urge to cry resurfaced, and you could have cursed yourself for getting so wound up for some guy.

The tears had already gathered in your eyes as you scanned the room, looking for anyone nearby. When you couldn’t find them, the first drop fell down. Resting your elbows on your knees, you leaned forward, sobbing into your hands, repeatedly muttering the word ‘stupid’.

All you really felt now was just anguish, pain, anger and embarrassment. A silent longing for home filled you as you mourned the comfort of your own bed, and the hugs of those you couldn’t take on tour with you. You could use a hug from anyone who had nothing to do with Metallica.

But fate wouldn’t have you sit there weeping on your own. During the tour, you had felt truly secluded when you needed company, but the one moment you simply wished to be alone, you wouldn’t be.

“Dream on, brothers, while you can. Dream on, sisters, I hope you find the one.”

You hadn’t heard him walking down the stairs nor had you heard the sound of the elevator, but you could feel his presence suddenly beside you. And his stupid cologne. That damn thing never seemed to wear off.

You looked up at him in a mixture of annoyance and sadness, holding your hands flat out, not trusting your voice to speak for you. His face softened as he noticed your tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, kneeling down to come eye level with you. The gesture made your heart flutter, even when you least wanted him to be there.

“What are you doing here?” He asked confused, though his voice was gentle all the same. You snorted unflatteringly, simply not caring for his opinion now. “Couldn’t find my room.” You shrugged, wiping stray tears off your face. Then, your eyes fell on your knees, refusing to meet his eyes.

Kirk was silent for a while, one of his hands resting on your thighs, the notion nearly lighting your skin on fire. “You okay?” He questioned, rubbing the skin soothingly. Successfully catching your attention, your eyes met his once more. When you didn’t answer him, he frowned, now looking at your face as if he was searching: “Did he drug you or something?”

Curse him to be concerned when you just wanted to shout at him. You didn’t have the energy to do it, though. He just needed to leave you alone. “No. I’m fine.” You answered, hoping it was enough to get him to leave.

It wasn’t.

“All of our lives, covered up quickly. By the tides of time.”

“You sure?” He went on, his hand leaving your thigh; a touch you didn’t know you would miss so soon. He forced a small smile, trying to lighten the situation: “I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t cry after sex.”

Yes, well, it didn’t lighten everything. It made it worse. The remark came as a dull stab in the heart to you, and you couldn’t suppress the hidden mumble under your breath. “Yeah, you wouldn’t.”

Thankfully, he didn’t catch that. And if he did, he didn’t respond to it. “I’m not drugged,” You assured him. “And I’m not drunk.” “You did drink a lot.” Kirk countered, though the humour had vanished from his face when you didn’t laugh at his remark. You’d always laugh at his words, even if they weren’t that funny. His words didn’t try to make fun of the situation anymore. It was genuine worry now.

“Trust me, it wore off.” You dismissed, running a hand through your hair as you forced yourself to sit upright. Kirk stood up as you did so, holding his hand out in front of him, ready to catch you if you were to fall. When you didn’t, he looked around before looking back at you: “I’m gonna get you something to drink,” Then, he pointed to your seat. “Stay here.”

He took off to the nearest vending machine, fishing for some loose change in his barely buttoned up pants. “Kirk, I’m fine.” You called after him, but he waved his hand in a dismissive manner, now typing in a number. You simply watched him do so, your face set in a scowl as you whispered a hushed ‘fuck you’.

“Sands are flowing and the lines are in your hand. In your eyes I see the hunger, and the desperate cry that tears the night.”

He returned with a bottle of water, handing it you as you begrudgingly opened it and began to drink. “You have room 403,” Kirk’s voice called as he sat down next to you. “You’re next to James, who has 405, and opposite of me: 402.” You just hummed at him, no longer interested to hold another conversation with him. You just wanted to curl up in a warm bed that wasn’t shared with anyone.

“That bad of a night, huh?” He commented as you gave him the half-finished bottle. “It’s not funny.” You deadpanned, doing your best to keep your breathing steady as you stood up. Again, Kirk tried to loosen the tension, though unsuccessfully: “Trust me, I know.” He stood up with you, his eyes still on your figure. You gave him a slight side-eye, shaking your head: “Yeah, I don’t think you do.”

Unsure of what to answer to that, he simply decided to follow you to the elevator. You didn’t speak to him during the short walk through the hall. You always talked with him. Any moment you could, really. It’s why he liked hanging around you so much. Even as you halted in front of the elevator doors, you said nothing.

“Are you alright?” Kirk tried again. “Like, really?” Inhaling sharply, you forced the newly formed tears back, the question cutting you so deeply, you had to do your best to not fall apart right there and right then. “Absolutely not.” You answered honestly, giving him a sarcastic grin before glueing your eyes on the pending floors above the elevator doors. Floor seven. It would take some time before it would get to the lobby.

Again, his hand found your skin, now softly settling on your shoulder. You now noticed he had carried your heels in his other hand, the shoes dangling from them in some sort of sick poetic way. “You know you can talk to me, right?” He went on, new words that pierced through you. But, once more, you forced yourself to keep it together, instead widening your eyes slightly as you spoke mocking words to yourself, aloud: “Oh, that couldn’t be further from the truth.” “That’s bullshit,” Kirk countered. “You can tell me anything.”

Turning around sharply, you pointed your finger at him, the gesture causing his grip to falter on you: “I don’t have to tell you jack shit.” Holding his hands up in defense, his eyebrows furrowed together. “What did I do?” “Nothing,” You replied quickly, unable to resist the slight choke in your voice as a stray tear slipped down your cheek. “You did absolutely nothing. You’re so fucking perfect, how could you ever do something wrong?”

“Spend your days full of emptiness. Spend your years full of loneliness.”

The furrow in his eyebrows left, now slightly raised in concern:“Are you sure you’re not drunk?” A painful smile etched upon your face at that, speaking a little inside prayer of relief as the elevator doors finally opened. “Fuck you, Hammett.” You muttered, stepping into the cabin, reaching for the ‘close doors’ button. When they began to slide, Kirk’s hand quickly shot between them, forcing the doors back open: “No, wait.”

You tried your best to ignore him, a pounding headache already forming in agony. “Hey,” He spoke gently. “At least let me walk you to your room. I’m going that way, anyway.” “No offense, but I’d rather be alone now.” You denied, furiously rubbing the tear from your face. At the notion, you could see his expression change slightly. You didn’t want him to feel sorry feel you, but something in his eyes simply made you melt on the spot. “I don’t think that is a great idea.” He offered, holding out his hand again to stall the elevator. Now, annoyance came back into your system.

“Smell my breath, Kirk,” You spoke angrily, blowing breath his way. “There is no more liquor on my tongue. In fact, there are all kinds of things on my tongue now that I couldn’t even taste any alcohol even if I were to throw up. Some trust would look great on you.” “I trust you,” He persuaded, ignoring your innuendo as he stepped into the elevator. “Drunk or not, if you collapse onto the floor for whatever reason, I don’t like to leave you there.”

You crossed your arms at his words, slightly moved by it, but not enough to let all that anguish fade. “How romantic.” You mumbled sarcastically, watching him punch in the number to your floor. Maybe it was for the best he was so adamant on joining you. You didn’t know what floor your room was on.

“Wasting love, in a desperate caress. Rolling shadows of nights.”

Floor eleven. Your room was on floor eleven. The silence was deafening. You didn’t know what you preferred: his constant worrying or the space you were in right now. It was on floor three when you couldn’t handle it anymore.

Without any warning, a choked sob escaped you as new tears escaped your eyes. God, you hated being in the same elevator as him after finding him in the situation he was in only minutes ago. He was the one who could cheer you up, but at the moment, he was doing nothing but ruining you and he didn’t even know it.

Alerted by your sudden sobbing, he turned to face you. “Hey, it’s okay.” He tried to soothe, walking up to you as he pulled you into his arms. The action was enough to cause you to break down even more. It simply felt so right - so comfortable. “No, it’s not,” You wept into his shirt. “I don’t think it will be.” His hands found your back, rubbing soothing patterns onto it. You hated all of it. You hated how much you longed for it.

“You're worrying me now,” He spoke, his head resting atop yours as you gripped onto his shirt tightly. His heart had begun to sink as his head started to assume the worst case scenarios. What could have possibly happened that had shaken you up this much? There were enough things he could think of and none of them were pleasant. “What’s going on with you?”

“Spend your days full of emptiness. Spend your years full of loneliness.”

You tried to calm yourself down, forcing you out of his hold as you stared at the ceiling, sniffling desperately. “Sleeping around is awful.” You confessed, a heavy sigh escaping your throat at the words, your eyes casting back down in front of you. Kirk hummed at your words, nodding in understanding: “Sometimes.” “No; all of the time,” You protested, rubbing your hands over your arms in anxiety. “It feels good for five seconds, if I even get that, and then it’s just humiliation and embarrassment.”

He didn’t know what to say about that. Sure, he has had terrible experiences, but he would be lying if he said he hated all of them. “I’m sorry,” He offered, feeling genuine remorse for you. You knew it was genuine. You knew him good enough to know when he was lying or not. And even though he was the main cause for your sadness, he was also one of your closest friends. And you needed someone to talk to: “I just want the distraction.”

You didn’t look at him as you said that, but you could feel his gaze change into that of remorse. The way he had looked at you earlier was in worry. Now, he just felt sorry for you. Both of them were appreciated. And they both amplified your emotions.

“I want to go home,” You finally sighed as the elevator reached the eleventh floor. “I can’t do this.” Stepping out of the cabin, you could hear Kirk halting for a second before he followed you. From here, it was easy to read the numbers. 388. 390. 392. You knew your room was close.

“Wasting love, in a desperate caress. Rolling shadows of nights.”

“Are you sure?” Kirk asked, his voice more quiet than it had been earlier. You didn’t know what to make of it. “No,” You answered honestly, grabbing the blank key card from your pocket as you reached door 403. “But the last past days have just been getting worse and worse, and I don’t think I can-“ Your voice hitched as you forced the sob down, now opening your door. You wanted to tell him. You needed to tell him. Even if he would hate it. And you were too caught up in your sadness to think straight now: “I don’t think I can spend another day watching you bang some chick and pretend it doesn’t hurt.”

Moments of silence passed as you almost watched Kirk shut down. He didn’t move, he didn’t say anything. His expression didn’t change. There was nothing in his features that could make you decipher any sort of reaction to what you had just said. And it broke your heart into a million little pieces.

Grabbing your heels from his absent hands, you threw it in your hall, your expression softening: “It’s not your fault, Kirk,” You tried to reassure. “You’re famous, enjoy it. I hope you find someone some day.”

But, once more, there was nothing you could see on him that made loose any sort of reaction. You just nodded at him, a sorrowful smile forcing its way up: “We never had this conversation. Ignore me for all I care. I’m going home tomorrow.” And with that, you closed the door, leaving him out there. The second the securing of the lock was heard, you threw your head against the wall. In any scenario you had imagined yourself confessing to him, you would have never expected him to freeze. And somehow, that was the worst reaction.

“Spend your days full of emptiness. Spend your years full of loneliness.”

Emotionlessly, you sauntered to the bed in the middle of the room, throwing your body onto it, no longer finding any energy to change or even just get your clothes off. Everything felt heavy. Your eyes were glued to the lights outside, unable to do anything but simply stare.

A hesitant knock brought you back to reality, followed by a muffled voice: “Don’t go tomorrow.” You didn’t have anything left in you that told you to cry at his voice. Perhaps that was for the best. Swallowing thickly, you filled the silence in the room: “Why?” Another beat of silence. This one longer than the previous one. “I’ll miss you.”

You closed your eyes, trying to convince yourself that leaving was definitely for the best. It was. “You can always call me.” You proposed weakly. You were so tired. So tired, yet not tired enough to sleep. Staring would have to do. “Would you answer?” You didn’t respond to that.

“Please, stay.” Once more, you didn’t answer. You couldn’t. It was almost as if your voice had simply failed on you. All you could really do was stare.“Just for one more day.”

When he realised he wasn’t getting an answer, he nodded, even though you couldn’t see his face. “Okay,” He tried to understand. Then, he grabbed the second key card to his room, leaning down to slide it under the door. You could hear the shuffling, and through the neon lights from outside, you could see the key card making its way into your hall. “In case you want to talk.” He offered. Another beat of silence, followed by a sigh you could hear from your bed.

“Goodnight.”

“Wasting love, in a desperate caress. Rolling shadows of nights.”

[good-beanswrites]

An 0309 drabble for an anon ask I got a bit ago :) Thank you for being patient, I really enjoyed writing this!! It's actually a little moment I've wanted to write since I started Milgram fic, but never got around to it. (I mention his injured eye, but don't actually describe anything)

“Stop moving around so much.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“I mean it. You’ll make things worse.”

Mikoto watched as the intensity in Fuuta’s gaze flickered between fire and fear.

He had a doctor’s kit laid out on his lap. Recently, Shidou had his hands full with Mahiru’s treatments and having intense conversations with Haruka, so Mikoto wanted to give him a break. With none of the injuries actually healing as they should, the prisoners were caught in an endless loop of changing bandages and checking for complications.

Shidou was grateful for the help. Many of the others tolerated Fuuta in the same way they spent only the necessary time around Mikoto. They smiled and placated him, acting like he’d gone mad all of the sudden. Whatever was making the others avoid the two of them, it drew the pair together. Mikoto was finding he enjoyed Fuuta’s company. Something about him was rather… charming. 

“Me? You’re the asshole that will make things worse. You’re no doctor! Fuck you.”

Eh, maybe he had gone mad. 

He took comfort, at least, in the knowledge that Fuuta was growing more comfortable with him. He sure had a special way of showing it, but Mikoto didn’t brag about being a people-person for nothing – he picked up on the way Fuuta sought him out during the day, pretending to be involved in his own activities. The way he struck up a conversation, then acted as if it had been Mikoto’s idea to come over and bother him. 

Therefore it was exciting, though not surprising, when Fuuta allowed Mikoto to help treat his injuries. They had only done it a few times, but today brought a whole new challenge. 

“I’m not performing surgery or anything. Shidou said it just needs some basic disinfecting.” He flashed his usual grin. “I have a steady hand – I’m a photographer, you know.”

Aside from Shidou, Fuuta hadn’t allowed a single person to look under his eyepatch. 

He remained unamused by Mikoto’s smile. For better or worse, he could always tell when it was forced. “It’s not like I have any proof of that. You could be awful at it, for all I know.”

“First chance I get, I’ll request a camera and prove it. Want me to take a picture of you first?”

“If you haven’t already messed up my face…” Fuuta’s focus was glued to the hand carefully reaching towards him. 

Mikoto pouted his lips. “Shidou trusted me enough with this. And you must have, because you agreed earlier. So If it’s not about me… You’re not scared, are you?”

There were some things that Fuuta didn’t stop to see through. He sputtered in surprise. “Hell no!” He lifted his chin, finally taking his attention off Mikoto’s hands. He stared defiantly. “I can take it.”

Mikoto felt a bit guilty for resorting to foul play. But not that guilty. “Good. Now hold still...”

He got right to it. One hand held ginger hair out of the way, while the other pinched the corner of the eyepatch. Fuuta’s good eye darted nervously around the room, avoiding the other's close-leaning face. Mikoto peeled it away swiftly, gently

As a horror movie buff, the injury didn’t faze him in the slightest. As someone who’d grown close to Fuuta recently, he felt a wave of anguish at the sight.

Fuuta squirmed. “It’s nasty, isn’t it…”

Mikoto reached down for some supplies. He considered mustering up a smile and saying there was no need to worry so much, but it would have been pointless. Times like these, it was kind of a relief when someone else could see right through him for a change. 

“It looks like it hurts.”

“Tch, I don’t need any pity from you.”

“I was going to say, you hide it well. You’re tougher than the warden gives you credit for.”

His cheeks flushed red. “I – I don’t need any flattery from you either!”

“Don’t need anything from anybody, huh?”

Before he could come up with a retort, he hissed through his teeth in pain.

“Ah, sorry.” Mikoto immediately retracted his hand from where it had been dabbing alcohol onto the injury.

Steeling his expression, he muttered, “it’s fine.”

Mikoto tried again. He made sure to move with even more steadiness, his face drawn up in concentration. He saw Fuuta’s features flinch when he touched him, but he stayed still. The two were silent, now, as Mikoto worked. Leaning his face so close made the short task feel much longer. The reddening in his cheeks didn't subside.

He expected Fuuta to snatch the fresh eyepatch away the moment he unwrapped it – he was shocked that Fuuta let him adjust it into place without a word.

“Alright. You’re all set.” He started packing up the kit.

“Listen, don’t tell the others. About my eye.”

Mikoto squinted. He gestured to the right side of his face. “I hate to break it to you, but the big patch kinda gives you away.”

“You idiot! I just mean, don’t tell them what it looks like.” He pulled his hood down over his hair. “I don’t need everyone trying to steal a look at it like I’m some sort of freakshow.”

“Hey, of course.” Mikoto gave him a smile, the kind they both knew was genuine. “I’ve got you.”

Fuuta nodded. He turned his face away, his fingers lingering over where Mikoto’s had just been. “... And… thanks.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for blocking my ex after he broke up with me?

I already tried to break up with him a week into the relationship because I didn’t feel like I was ready for one, but he insisted he wanted to make it work, so we stayed together for a while longer. I liked being friends with him because I have AvPD and he always made sure I didn’t feel pressured to instantly respond to him ever because that stresses me the fuck out and sends me into prey animal mode, but he always said he was trying to be accommodating and patient.

However, I kinda disappeared off the face of the internet for about a month while I was stuck deep in animation crunch working on a project for school, I didn’t talk to ANYBODY, him included, and at this point I had also decided I would break up with my ex using the old “it’s not you it’s me” card after I finished and submitted that project, because not only did the “not feeling ready for the relationship” feeling never go away, but he would also corner me into REALLY explicit sexual discussions in public discord servers, which granted I should have asserted boundaries about but I was worried I was overreacting. After my initial failed breakup attempt, most of the time we talked was in group chats because it greatly eased the pressure of me having to be involved in a one-on-one conversation and it made me worry slightly less about him taking shit as far as he had in our DMs that scared me into trying to break up in the first place because maybe if there was an audience he wouldn’t go That Far. If he had a problem with talking in group chats more than DMs, he NEVER brought it up to me, he just assured me he wanted me to be comfortable.

But, before I got a chance to break up with him, he suddenly messaged me talking about how we needed to talk about how I was being selfish and ghosting him. I was currently still busy working on animating, so while panicking and feeling extremely guilty about it I tried to think up an apology and response to send him when I was done for the night and even available to talk, but again, before I got the chance to, like ten minutes later, he sent another message breaking up with me and kinda-sorta berating me for my AvPD, saying the only reasons the relationship didn’t work was entirely my fault, not accepting blame for Anything he might’ve done wrong, not even acknowledging that I had already attempted to break up with him before.

At least my plan to break up with him would’ve just been shouldering all the blame onto myself, but this at least took the pressure away and ended it on a sour enough note that I was scared to ever talk to him again, so I blocked him on all socials and like any sad gay tumblr boy would I vented about feeling bad about the whole thing on my blog.

AND THEN, I suddenly receive two consecutive anons that didn’t explicitly reveal an identity but were clearly written by him because they mentioned shit only he (or someone he talked about me behind my back with, I guess) would know, despite the fact I never told him my tumblr AND he repeatedly insistently said he never used tumblr, leading me to the conclusion that he had been stalking me on tumblr the whole time without me knowing, which freaked me the fuck out even more because I already have cyberstalking-related trauma. Anyway the anons AGAIN berated me for everything, painting my ex as an innocent angel who didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one ignoring him (and everyone, I didn’t talk to ANYONE while in crunch), “thriving on instagram” (not true, I also was barely fucking at all active on insta during this time??), “forgot our sixth month anniversary” (I didn’t even know that was a thing people celebrated and if it was no one told me that was something I should be concerned about and I wasn’t keeping track of the date, only the one year anniversary), “too childish and immature for a relationship” (again, I’d already tried to break up with him before because I said I wasn’t ready), among other things that I forget. It was a numbered list of either seven or eleven things, I forget because this happened back in February, but those are the ones that stuck in my mind the most. Since I was already in a state of panic I answered both asks publicly (had no other choice, they were on anon), and all my mutuals frantically came to my defense and tore my ex’s shit to shreds.

That’s the last I ever heard from him, and considering the anon jumpscare fiasco I’m glad I blocked him because I’d prefer not to be with the type of person that does something like that, but considering it wouldn’t have happened at all if I hadn’t blocked him, I can’t help but wonder….AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[eastwindmlk]

In the cards

So,I originally wrote this for the Bittersweet challenge for @jilytoberfest where, and I got to turn an angsty quote into a sweet one. “You have given me so much pain.” has inspired this cracktacular piece of fiction. It did get yoinked at some point, but I will reupload for your consideration this @jilymicrofics (807 words) Enjoy!

Game night was always a big thing with the Potters. It was the one night a week when no one was allowed to make other plans. They took turns picking and bringing games, ordered food and poured generously from whatever alcohol was being served that night. It was cosy. Something to look forward to during the week. This was one of those weeks that James really looked forward to a night of friendly competition and hours of conversation.

Depending on whose turn it was to pick the game, the night turned out differently. James favoured co-op games, working together to get to the goal. Sirius, on the other hand, liked trivia games, things that he knew he would excel at. Peter preferred the silly sort of game, something active and guaranteed to give you the giggles. Remus always seemed to find amazing niche games with complicated plots and mysteries. Rich in storytelling and creative solutions.

And then there was Lily. Lily had a way of finding the most competitive, aggravating, friendship-ending games. Which had all started with Monopoly, a game that was now banned from the table. As a direct result of a gruelling, no-prisoners game that lasted seven hours before they collectively gave up. Which launched a series of game nights that only a masochist would enjoy. So clearly, all of them had the time of their life.

Other games brought by the redhead and subsequently banned were: Sorry, Settlers of Catan, Scrabble and for unrelated reasons charades. Which they mutually agreed was better kept for when they were forced to stay family-friendly. It did not always go wrong though. There had been a few fine games and one that everyone seemed to enjoy a lot more, despite multiple squabbles and disagreements. Risk, which was added to the permanent rotation.

Tonight was Lily’s turn and everyone was equal parts excited and apprehensive. Hoping she would finally fail in her streak of finding the worst games. So, when James got him and saw the pack of cards sitting on the table in the living room. He was relieved. Cards were usually fine. They had several card games they rotated. But this was Lily they were talking about.

For a moment James inspected the package, it looked innocent enough. Pretty straightforward too. But this was Lily. He was sure that there was some chaos involved, but he really could not see too much pain in a card game called UNO. Little did he know just how wrong he would be.

The first few rounds were rather tame. While the rules were simple, everyone seemed to hold back a little. Testing the waters. Not wanting to get into too much trouble until after dinner. Much to Remus’s dismay, Chinese food arrived. Halting the round for everyone to eat their fill and crack open another bottle of wine.

What happened next was the most unfortunate set of circumstances James could have ever imagined. He was riding high with only two cards left in his hand, the colour in his favour and he even had a mythical plus four cards ready to mess with Remus on his right. But right before the round could get to him Sirius threw down a skip card, moving his turn to Remus instead. Which was disappointing, but he could do another round.

Or not. Luck seemed to be smiling down on him when Remus reversed the turn order. That is where it all went wrong for him. Emboldened by his stroke of luck, he threw down the plus four proudly announcing: “Uno!” He smirked along the table when he caught the glint in Lily’s eye. And as if in slow motion he watched Sirius place a plus two on the board. Watching Lily doubt what card she should be putting down, made him nervous. For good reason too. Watching her place down another plus four.

Peter added a plus two, deciding on the colour red. His lucky colour. Which did not let him down when Remus was merciful, playing a reverse card. Seemingly saving him from his fate. The rollercoaster continues with Lily putting on a third plus four. It was now all up to Sirius, who paused just long enough for James to remark: “You have given me so much pain already. Just do it.”

Deflating when his friend placed down another plus two. Making the total cards he was drawing sixteen. Enough cards to force them to reshuffle the pile just so he could draw more. Muttering, much to everyone’s entertainment. “Lils picked this game alright.” Feeling hands on his shoulders from all sides. Consoling what would be a devastating loss on his part. Something only mildly mediated by Lily saying “Don’t worry love, I will make it up to you when everyone leaves.” Her wink made him feel only a little better.

[livlivlivliv]

could you do hawks x fem!reader, you just came home from work, prepare for dinner, few moments ago, hawks came to your apartment for dinner, you two were together in apartment when you asked him to be lived with you, you two simply helping and eating, washing the dishes together. they honestly love each other to help it out *fluffiness*

(hope you will write it, thanks and have a good day)

you ask, you get <3

HOME ೃ⁀➷

Low heat, bubbling pots, meat ready and seasoned. The aroma of sauces and spices filled the entire kitchen. Outside the weather was cold, it had even been raining but by nightfall the only evidence left were the puddles that graced the city streets. Despite being exhausted after a long day at work, wanted to cook something hot and delicious to wait for Keigo. Some time ago you wanted to talk to him about a specific topic.

A few last fixes and spoonfuls brought to your mouth for "quality control" and the food was done. Plates and bowls were placed on the table, which was laden with your creations. Broth, noodles, vegetables, meat. Without a doubt, there is no better option than this for such a cold day. Humming a song while finished accommodating the cutlery, you heard the sliding door to the balcony open followed by a "I'm back".

Just a few seconds after his arrival you could already see him from the dining room, totally focused and guided by the aroma that the dinner gave off. "What is all this?" he asked smiling.

"You say that like i never cook" you put down the last glass and turned to face him.

"Yes but today it seems that you were inspired" he approached and took off his aviator glasses, letting them fall somewhere. He was right, usually when both of their schedules extend into the late hours of the night they limit themselves to ordering fast food.

You felt a kiss press on your forehead followed by a slight shiver. "You are so cold!" your hand traveled to his cheek to check his temperature and realize that he was indeed freezing.

"It's not one of my favorite activities to fly in this weather" looked at him compassionately.

"My poor boy" you lightly pinched his cheekbones which instantly turned a soft red "You're lucky this girl made you such an amazing dinner" said feigning superiority and making a dramatic gesture with your hand.

"You don't know how lucky I am"

The food had been delicious, not a trace of what had once been a table laden with steaming dishes. In the case of you two, didn't stop talking and laughing for a single minute, just like all the meals and moments you shared since even before you started dating. No one knows where but they both gathered strength and deigned to clean everything to wash it afterwards. Apparently they were very involved in the conversation since they almost always leave everything dirty and immediately collapse on the sofa or bed. The next day they will take care of it.

You finished reaching the last bowl to Keigo, who had been in charge of washing and you continued bothering around him. He was still in his hero outfit, only without his glasses or his jacket, you had always thought how attractive he looked without it on.

Next to him while he was washing up, you remembered the reason for dinner when he had mentioned that today he could not spend the night in your apartment since tomorrow he had some unfinished business at the agency first thing in the morning. He hated to say things like this to you after had a great time together.

"You know Kei, that's what I wanted to talk about" you started somewhat insecure.

"Tell me. Hey, why doesn't the grease come off this thing?" He said frustrated, very involved in the work, scraping the pan hard. You smiled.

"I'm more than satisfied with the time we spent together and I love receiving you here, it's practically your home too" you watched a smile form on his face and continued. "We've been dating for a while now" you kept rambling.

"And, I don't know, maybe we could... live together" you rubbed your arm shyly and pressed your lips together. "move" you finished.

You heard how the water stopped falling and you could feel his eyes looking to meet yours, you were ready to receive some negative response.

After a few seconds of silence, totally impatient, you looked up to see a smiling Keigo on the verge of tears. Your heart pounded. "Kei i-" His arms held you tightly against his chest and emotions took over you as well.

Without any intention of letting go, you returned the hug by rubbing part of his back as a comfort. You felt his nose sniff. "Sweetie? you are well?" a small laugh rumbled near your ear "Of course I would live with you."

Happiness and excitement ran through your veins, but what caught your attention the most was the opponent's reaction after finding that his voice was somewhat broken. You separated a bit and you could see that there were indeed at least two tears falling down his cheeks. His eyes sparkled.

Confused and with a shy smile, you delicately ran your fingers over the wet skin. "Kei, why are you crying?" you asked softly, his vulnerable state softening your chest and slightly crystallizing your eyes.

Keigo didn't know domesticity, didn't know the warmth of a home or the feeling of belonging. The taste of a home cooked meal and a hot stove was also unfamiliar, it sounded so foreign. Until he met you.

And for the first time he experienced what he and his inner child longed for, a home.

A home where receiving comforting hugs is something of every day, a home where there is someone who is always looking out for his well-being and does everything necessary to see him happy. A home that, despite the fact that it is snowing outside, remains warm, a home that gives off laughter and good times.

It's everything he ever dreamed of. Darkness and loneliness were no longer part of his life, not since he knew the warmth of the sun and how bright it can be. The past does not disappear, he always remembers where he came from but he prefers to turn and see where he is going. Maybe because he is an optimist.

If you wonder why he's crying, it's because for the first time he can say that has a home. And can not imagine another better than this.

luv u [masterlist]

[difeisheng]

i'm intrigued by how, along with li xiangyi and di feisheng's interactions speaking for themselves in depicting a much more familiar bond than one might initially think, mysterious lotus casebook is also actively highlighting the importance and nature of that relationship— to di feisheng at least— by comparing/contrasting it to his dynamic with jiao liqiao in multiple ways.

on a couple different occasions (up to episode 31 as that's as far as i've watched scenes from at this point), these two relationships are framed in dialogue as being equal and therefore vying for attention. in episode 16, you have jiao liqiao giving a speech about how di feisheng ignores her, rejects her romantic/sexual advances, actively seems to despise her, and the reason she finds for all this is li xiangyi. she views however di feisheng sees li xiangyi as being rival to her feelings, something to compete against. it's brought up again in episode 27, where she complains about how di feisheng was obsessed with duelling li xiangyi to the point that he cared about nothing else, and that obsession with him apparently hasn't changed in the present.

jiao liqiao is thoroughly obsessed with di feisheng herself, deeply possessive/defensive of him, which extends to her declaring to the as-yet-unnamed man in the hood (again in episode 27) that di feisheng is hers and no one else is allowed to touch or hurt him. later in episode 31, going off of the preview trailer, di feisheng tells his henchman to tell the wansheng clan that li lianhua/xiangyi's life is his. the wording of both lines is similar and gets across the same message, phrased as a threat: this person belongs to me, and everyone else is hands off. the two relationships involved are being understood by the script here as being similar in sentiment.

aside from dialogue, there's some other events that come up where these dynamics interact in comparable settings, but the details mark them with vastly different emotions. take the meal between di feisheng and jiao liqiao in episode 19. in my opinion it's a very smart scene that's absolutely horrible to watch, because di feisheng and jiao liqiao's relationship is so off— neither of them trust each other and never will! their conversation and interactions are poking at the power dynamics of status and knowledge and it's a very, very uneasy back and forth. there's horror movie-esque violin sawing in the background throughout. the scene ends with di feisheng telling jiao liqiao she doesn't belong at his side, but under his sword with the other traitors he's killed. no one comes out of this scene feeling good, including the viewer.

a singular episode later and we have another meal, this time centered on fang duobing, li xiangyi, and a-fei, newly woken up without his memories. despite the natural wariness a-fei currently carries, this entire sequence is far more lighthearted and easy-going for him. he's squabbling over food with fang duobing before the latter storms off, and then it's just a-fei and li xiangyi. their conversation, too, is far more honest and earnest than any exchange di feisheng has had with jiao liqiao, and rather than his part ending with threatening to kill someone, the most significant thing a-fei says is that although he doesn't believe everything li xiangyi has told him, he believes his past self wanted li xiangyi to live. it's the only thing he believes for certain.

another contrasting component of these two scenes is eating behaviour. throughout the show di feisheng treats food in a very deliberate way, and he does not eat around other people. or when he does, such as in episode 8 while sitting with fang duobing, it's very hurriedly (i know it's played for laughs, but where/why do you think di feisheng learned to eat like someone was going to take his food away from him?). even without recalling past experiences, a-fei tends to separate himself from others during meals; he walks by and takes fang duobing's rice before eating by himself outside lianhualou in episode 20, and in the girls' mansion, while li xiangyi, fang duobing, and qing'er/zhaoling discuss the case around a meal, a-fei sits by himself at another table. as late as shishou village in episode 26 he still prefers to stand guard by the door, instead of being seated at dinner with li xiangyi, fang duobing, and the village elder.

this is a pattern that endures during di feisheng and jiao liqiao's meal. i don't know that they actually got to the food given the weight of their conversation, and the scene cuts before we see the end. given how unhappy di feisheng looks at the sight of the laid-out table (and her), and how close she presses to him when they sit down, i'm inclined to think he wouldn't have been comfortable enough to eat. we only see them both drink wine. as far as i can recall, there are only two occasions in the show so far where we see di feisheng eat with both contentment and while taking his time, and the earlier one is this first meal he has as a-fei. he's bantering and smiling and seems genuinely happy where he is, sitting with li xiangyi. (the second instance is in shishou village when he's alone with fang duobing and they swap bread and water. but that's for a different time.) within the environments of these two meals there's a massive contrast in how trusting di feisheng is around the other person he's with, shown in both dialogue and uncommented-on behaviour. with li xiangyi he seems to feel far more safe.

in all these different moments throughout the show, there are parallels between di feisheng's relationships with jiao liqiao and li xiangyi. although the feisheng/xiangyi relationship cannot be said to be explicitly romantic, this pattern compares it to a dynamic that does have romance involved (albeit in one-sidedly). in relation to that dynamic, feisheng and xiangyi's interactions are seen as either equal to it in intensity, or even stronger in trust. this all works as a way of indirectly coding these two as having a romantic relationship, or at least you can read it as such. at the very least, it shows that di feisheng holds his relationship with li xiangyi as more meaningful or significant to him than any other prospect of romance presented to him in the show. good job, lotus casebook. i'm blowing the writing team a kiss

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: kermiekermie

today's interviewee is @kermiekermie, who ran "Friend or Host", was a part of the "Block Men Simps" group chat, and has generally been an active member of MCYTblr for a long time! below is a transcript of the questions and answers.

Q: What was your general experience in MCYTblr? Does anything stand out to you immediately?

A: I think my general experience on mcytblr was pretty positive compared to some peoples. The one thing that really stands out is how young I was- i was 11 when i joined mcytblr in early-mid 2020. That didnt really change the way people treated me aside from the occasional teasing and babying, but I did make it a point to say I didn't want to be treated differently. Mcytblr was not my first time in a fandom space and I knew how to avoid creeps already so I never really had any truly negative experiences, honestly the only annoying things that happened were being banned from discords and blocked by people due to my age (which was completely understandable). The biggest memory I have of mcytblr is of course the Block Men Simps group chat, and the original members of the group chat are really the only tumblr mutuals I still keep up with (snail actually has my snapchat!) I still kind of view them as a sort of family, and they were there for me in what I consider an extremely low point of my life and really helped me take my mind off things. During quarantine, I didnt have any of my irls numbers or socials and my mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, so I quite literally NEVER left the house and tumblr was really the only social interaction I got for a solid year. And while that definitely impacted my social development (i still cant start a conversation with someone irl without feeling nauseous and shaky) i'm very grateful I had people to talk to throughout that.

Q: I understand that you were the one who set up "Friend or Host". What was the process of organizing a fandom event like that like?

A: Friend or host . god. Like I said, I was 11-12 throughout the majority of my time on mcytblr, and I had ZERO experience organizing anything and I had very little help from anyone else. I tried to make it work the best I could and got creative, but overall I don't think it was a very big success. Funnily enough, not everyone who participated in FOH knew my age and one of the winners actually blocked me afterwards they found out, which I still giggle about today.

Q: How did Friend or Host go?

A: I don't think FOH necessarily went bad, but if I had a little more help and better organization skills and planned it out further ahead of time, I think it would've gone better. It was still fun and I had a good time either way, but I can admit it was a little messy.

Q: What major events in the fandom do you remember? (Either from the MCYTers themselves or fandom-specific!)

A: Honestly, my memory of my time in the wider mcytblr community isnt all that great and I tend to get timelines a little messed up, but i DO remember being there for the creation of the original dreamceler copypasta. In the BMS group chat we were having our normal conversation and someone oncest got brought up at the same time as dream somehow, and thus Ginger wrote the extremely cursed dreamceler copypasta. This eventually evolved into an entire universe (the dreamceler cinematic universe?) with various different copypastas that eventually had to be archived because of how out of hand it got. Sometimes I still see the copypastas floating around and it kind of freaks me out every time. I also have a veryyyy vivid memory of the time I made the 2020 mcytblr election discord read OmegaNotFound on wattpad (do NOT research. for your own safety) and it was really amusing seeing everyones reactions.

Q: Do you remember any of the "kinnie" blogs?

A: oh MY the kinnie blogs!! i actually have dms with a couple of them plotting little jokes and such and I got involved with them quite often!! i actually ran a justaminx one for a couple days (yikes) and it wasnt really that believeable looking back. me and ginger as well as a couple other mooties loved spamming the ask boxes of them with piss jokes and such, and I feel like we played a pretty big role in how widespread and popular kinnie blogs became.

Q: What was the "Kroger Anon"?

A: oh my dearest kroger anon how I miss you…. I still dont know who the kroger anon actually WAS, but they would send rainbow colored advertising messages about Kroger to various mcytblr blogs at random intervals. Funny thing is, I dont live near any krogers and have never been to one in my life, but the anon messages kinda made me want to go. I miss kroger anon…. kroger anon if youre reading this come home please..

Q: What were common in-jokes in the fandom of that time? (Copypastas, headcanons, rumors, etc)

A: Common in-jokes is a hard one!! like i said earlier, my memory of my time in mcytblr isnt all that great or extensive and I could probably better answer this if I went through my archive but alas, I do not have the patience for that. Obviously we had the good ole tapeworm and pregnancy posts, dreamceler, and various other cursed copypastas and memes. One inside joke between the block men simps gc was "thinkign 👽" which came from a typo snail made that just kind of caught on and we would use every once in a while to giggle at. Other than that, I can't really think of any specific inside jokes.

Q: Is there anything else you remember or would like to talk about?

A: Something I really want to talk about is how much lurking I did!! on the outside I was definitely a normal parasocial mcytblr blog but I lurked on pretty much every corner of the fandom you could really think of. Obviously I have a ton of critblr and other controversial mutuals but I never really openly interacted with that side of mcytblr since it was pretty heavily debated and I am nothing if not conflict avoidant. I also did quite a bit of truthing that no one ever really mentioned which I guess I sort of appreciate. I think being in a fandom that involved actual real people ar that age for that long kind of screwed with me, and ive never really been able to be in a fandom for a piece of actual fiction because theyve just never gotten my interest in the same way, I guess. Even now, i was in grouptwt for quite a while (tgc podcast) and now im active on kpoptwt, which again, both of those fandoms are for actual real people. I dont think its the parasocial aspect either, ive never been super parasocial and have never had a problem criticizing the content creators I watch. Im really grateful for all the people I met on mcytblr, but I think the actual dream smp and the way I engaged with content overall negatively impacted how I interact with things now.

[saelestia]

i am receiving lots of questions as to why i am not in contact with abbie / @mirinae, and heres what i have to say about the matter --

DISCOURSE mentions of pedophiles, comments towards minors, so on..

1) me and abbie’s friendship had taken a rocky start, where the first time she had interacted with anything of mine, was her replying under a post where i thanked my followers for reaching 2k, in which she had said something along the lines of; "woah 2k you have nearly 4x my following" which, could be brushed off as admiration/support. i found it flat-out weird since i think comparing yourself and someone else is completely weird in itself especially being a first impression – and it only gets weirder with time. while abbie’s and my friendship progresses. abbie had took it upon herself to post about creating a collab with me, without my prior knowledge to the fact we were to maybe do a collab together. After that, friend x, comes into the story and he invites me and abbie to join a server (the people in said server are lovely, and have no relevance, and dont play any part in any malicious things mentioned to be done by abbie, and generally aren’t involved in the situation, outside of the second paragraph).

2) Once we joined the server, abbie had been nice, and sweet in general to all members of the server, which i had no issues, or no comments about. However, something peaked my attention, when writers in said server began to exchange tumblr users with abbie, she had immediately acted as if she had known/read the work from those writers, despite saying “she only writes jjk for the notes” while those said writers were predominately jjk writers. Now the real issue applies when abbie begins to bring up follower counts, as she had previously done with me, mentioned above.  I was viewing, but wasn’t fairly active in the chat, i had seen my url come up alongside one other writers, being mentioned by abbie. Someone had brought up the fact that said writer was famous, to which abbie responded, agreeing and calling them famous alongside the other people. Someone had told abbie “you’re famous too abbie” in which they had a playful back and forth about their followers. i hadn’t been involved, let alone hadn’t been adding to the conversation, aside from me encouraging and supporting those who had mentioned their follower count. Abbie had begun bringing me into the thing they had going on, saying “SAELESTIA AND @(URL) ARE FAMOUS” “RAIN IS MORE FAMOUS THAN ME” etcetc.

Side note ; abbie had come to me while on the discussion of a previous situation happening on tumblr, about how, “if it were to happen to her, she would change her name to ares” which caught me off guard, as a long term online friend of mine’s name is ares, and had a few days prior, sent an ask to my inbox, addressing himself for the first time on this blog. 

(Click to Read Full. )

3) I hadn’t brought the topic up to anyone, aside from friend x, i had told friend x that “if i texted abbie about important things, she wouldn’t care unless it is something to do with my followers” as i had begun growing more suspicious as to why she had been doing the things she was/acting the way she is. Friend x had suggested i a.) drop abbie, or b.) sort out miscommunications, as after i did end up following through with asking/telling abbie about stuff i had found important, such as ; a friends art, my puppies opening their eyes, me getting an 100 on an exam, me having an upcoming exam, etc. to which she had simply responded with “oh?” until i had mentioned that i had reached 3k. She had immediately begun typing in caps, calling me famous and so on. 

4) After i had sent that message, i had sent the screenshots to friend x, who had begun to see the way that abbie was acting had affected me. Friend x had advised me to drop abbie, but i had wanted another opinion incase i was looking too deep into the matter. I had begun to talk to friend y. Friend y had immediately understood and agreed with my concerns about abbie, and was being very respectful and helpful with the matter. I had question abbie as to why she only excitedly responded to my message when it was about my followers, to which she’d respond how she didn’t see anything else as worth caring about. ( in the screenshots above and below)

5) Abbie had then reached out to friend x, asking them for advice on how to pursue the situation with me, which i found odd, considering:

1. Abbie has used the fact she has communication issues to avoid conflict, while also stating she likes and enjoys drama. 

2. Abbie hadn’t brought these issues to me. 

after a discussion with abbie, friend x, had given abbie a little bit of advice, and what he thought was input on how i felt, to which, abbie had come out with excuses for herself as to why she had been acting the way she was. Saying how she couldn’t tell when i was “joking or being serious.” but any person who could pick up on social cues could realize/pick up on a joke based on the joking tone. From then, abbie had apologized, one sentence, and without any accountability being held. In response, i said “k” and hadn’t texted her all day, my final text being one of me dropping her. In response to me blocking + dropping her, she went to the server that was mentioned earlier, and ranted in the vent channel that her life sucks because i dropped her, while also providing little to no context as for why.

6) After being informed that i was still in the groupchat, she had went out of her way to dm friend z about her side of the situation, still leaving out key details. Friends x and y had felt bad for the stuff abbie was saying, and had both reached out to friend z to let her know the truth about the situation, after which abbie would continue to talk about me, resulting in me sending out a second message, and eventually needing a third. After the final message, abbie had blocked me, changed her discord url, and her display name to mirinae, and jinko. recently, a new account has surfaced on tumblr, and has been shared to me by others. the url belonging to abbie, who has begun acting like a friend of herself. after i left the collab, she was persistant on regrouping friend z into her collab, in attempt to save her collab, rather than hosting on her own.

7) Now you might be thinking, how does this situation become more serious? In between the story, abbie has done other things to further cause distaste, and discomfort between her, x, y, z and myself. General Summarized List

Being upset when me and x jokingly flirt in front of her

Calling friend z (who’s a minor) “bae” 

Sympathizing for a ped0phille

Supporting a racist artist

Victimizing herself 

Manipulating and guilt-tripping people into joining her collab after i had left

Misgendering someone

Misgenering X countless of times (despite them going by the same pronouns the entire time we’ve known him.)

She then blocked me, changed her discord url to Jinko, and mirinae. Her new account is @mirinae, her old blog was haithamvoid and that is all i have to say as of now.

[karenandhenwillson]

The actual call out part of this whole thing

As said in the first post, I'm not naming names. I did tag two people in a post when I first involved myself in this situation. That was because I for one wanted them to see my response but I didn't want to reblog several other posts with the same post of myself, but I also talked about something one of them had said and mentioned a private conversation that at that point I could only assume had taken place with the second person and I didn't want to talk about them without them knowing. 

(Again, the rest is under the break. I've clearly had to many thoughts to share.)

I'm not in the habit of talking about people behind their back in public posts. So I tagged them with the thought that it would give them a chance to react for themselves either by commenting on the post, reposting themselves or reaching out to me in DMs. Instead the first person blocked me sight unseen and the second never talked to me at all and consequently blocked me sometime late on Tuesday judging by when I could still access their blog and when I couldn't anymore.

In reaction to being blocked by the first person, I included this in my next post:

Interestingly enough, the first person responded with this:

No idea where I called them childish, but whatever. It's honestly par for the course of them and their friends to put words in other people’s mouths, mostly with the goal to make them look bad. I'll discuss another instance in the post about communication, too.

Despite them blocking me, they clearly still got screenshots or maybe have a second account to watch the situation. (And yes, as I have screenshots, I've obviously also friends providing me with those.) Which is a ridiculous thing, honestly. Of course everyone has the right to curate their own online experience. But if you decide to block people in a debate, step out of the debate because you are actively making it impossible to communicate with you while still vague or not so vague posting about the situation on your own blog and actively trying to pull others into the debate to lead your attacks in your stead.

This person clearly made assumptions about what I meant with my comment about blocking conversations while complaining that the other side wasn't interested in those. And I don't know, but I felt it important from the very first moment to point out this wrong assumption. I didn't talk about them blocking the artist, I talked about them blocking me for nothing else but the audacity to back up the artist instead of bowing down to their opinion. (Also, reading what I wrote again, I also wonder how the confusion could have been created at all. I clearly said I couldn't reblog some posts because I was blocked by the person who creaed the blog. How do you go from there to me talking about the artist?)

Edit: It was just pointed out to me that the artist called this person childish in the tags of their re-post of the original art that they made after the call out pots went online. I had not fully read them or at least didn't remember! But alas, another point for how convoluted the vague-posting after blocking someone is, and how much it muddles up the communication!

But that happens when you don't talk with people but just about people, isn't it? You'll make wild and wrong assumption and won't even notice it.

Also, you asked this:

My paragraphs above are the answer to it. You clearly don't want to have a conversation at all, so no one is taking you seriously enough to talk to you off anon. And you've also proven two years ago you'll put anyone on a list for just leaving kudos on the wrong fic or a like the wrong art, let alone arguing with you.

Some readers might wonder why I bring up the situation of two years ago at all. For one, of course, because one of the people I'm talking about already brought it up (and—oh how surprisingly—twisting up and outright lying about what happened). But also because there is a pattern here.

Because the root of the situation two years ago is the same group of people who started it this time as well. It is actually the exact same person who first wrote the artist and then turned unkind as soon as the artist asked for clarification, posting several times on her blog to tell people not to support the artist, all the while also complaining when that didn't work. A little over two years ago, the very first list of "undesirables" that later led to the whole explosion in fandom, came from this person.

(And I feel I need to point out, there were POC authors on this list from the very first iteration on. But of course, the list was created to make fandom safer for POC fans, even though the first iteration of the list before it got expanded wasn't even about Chimney or racism at all despite other claims by the person who brought it up in the last couple of days. It all started with some fics about Maddie that they didn't like, and denying that is so hilarious when their very first fic in response to it still holds the same passive-aggressive tag about "a response to that other awful fic". Yes, I did just go and check if you had changed your tags in the meantime.)

What I have seen from their posts, they don't care that they might have driven away a POC artist from this fandom permanently, again. While others who posted call out posts on Monday have apologized (though, in some cases not very honestly), this group has either not said anything about it or are now complaining about being the original victims (… I don’t even have words without getting really rude!) Or they claim they can harass someone publicly, but apologizing only works in private:

Do you really think the artist should be comfortable with having a private conversation with you after you already twisted and widely shared other private conversations they had with your friends? And do you really think attacking someone openly doesn't also deserve an open apology? What's a private apology worth if the person you hurt had to endure all that hurt openly but now isn't allowed to hear the apology just as openly?

There have been several claims that the conversation was always civil and there was no one asking for anyone to bully the artist:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

Snapping at the artist in response to them asking for clarification isn't being polite. Sitting on your end of a private conversation and sharing this conversation around widely—I'm even assuming openly with everyone in your Discord and also probably looking for the worst meaning in every single word because I'm sure you had already made up your mind the artist had to be a spoiled white girl—is not being polite. I mean, part of this conversation was later—in this case I have to say thankfully because it cleared up one of the misinformation spread—even posted by someone who said to have not been involved until she wanted to boost your call out post. Claiming the attention their art gets is inflating their ego is not civil.

Creating a call out post at all, and then doubling down not once but twice (just counting the reposts, not the other posts about the topic being posted that same day), is so far away from being polite. Honestly, how can anyone think this is polite:

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

(free sprace to show a new screenshot beginning)

The last thing said by one of these people, I want to address this:

The way this situation went, every artist coming into this fandom in the future will very carefully think about even trying to create art about Jee-Yun. Those who already created art of Jee might decide to delete it at least from their own accounts out of fear to be hit next.

That's what your call out posts led to. And what they would have led to even if you hadn't met resistance. Wide resistance, even from people who in the past supported you. And who this time first didn't join in your call outs and later even openly spoke up against it. I truly hope those same people will step up in the future to support your victims instead of just condemning you after the damage has already been done.

I'm convinced they'll do it again, sometime in the future they'll find another victim and they'll also find once more people who'll agree with them without checking or by letting themselves be lured in by their twisted tale of it. Even now in their non-apologies (that's not including everyone who apologized, but some of them) they twist around what happened, claiming to be misunderstood or to be the victim. So they, again, clearly didn't learn anything.

I hope other parts of this fandom will have learned then to step up and support the victim even if that's sometimes a difficult step to take because it will make them a target, too, or make the situation at first worse for the victim. (I felt that way on Monday. That me getting involved would lead to the situation exploding like it did two years ago. I'm doubting this post a little because of the fear of that very thing happening, though I still feel it important to put these thoughts out there. I'm also feeling encouraged by some of the pseudo-apologies to make sure that this situation will not be forgotten. And at this point I hope if it does explode, I'll be the main target of that and not the artist.)

Why am I sure they'll find new victims in the future?

Because this is not the first time they again attacked someone over the past two years. They have targeted their old victims several times, have targeted new people, too. Both on their blogs very openly but also in their victims' comments sometimes anonymously, sometimes not. This is just the first time they found any kind of traction again. I assume because they found a victim completely new to fandom who had at the beginning no backup at all, no fandom friends to turn to for support. I do wonder now if they have found other people like this even before the events of two years ago and successfully driven them away from fandom, celebrating it in their discord server as a victory. Sadly, this also isn't the first group in fandom as a whole to behave like this. There are so many examples practically in every fandom you look at. So even if this particular group by some miracle stops being bullies, others will step into their place. So everyone else of us in fandom needs to be careful and considerate and be ready to take the risk of stepping up.