#i only got into one piece at the end of last year... but ive been in the anime and manga scene for like. my entire life

[fluffyartbl0g]

The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese

Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since

[somekindofpoet]

Like A Movie

Summary: Reader is a struggling screenwriter but things start looking up when they get a surprise visitor who wants to buy their movie.

Jenna Ortega X Fem! Reader

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: This takes place 10 years in the future. I’m suffering some serious writers block on my other fic and hopefully this helps. It feels weird to write about a real person, but it came so easily I couldn't waste it. 

Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

You’re an up and coming screenwriter. You just retired after twenty years in the military, and now you’re living in a tiny apartment in LA. You figure you spent your youth doing a job you hated, sacrificing everything and for what? Now you’re going to live out your dream.

The truth is, you’d written page after page and screenplay on screenplay on screenplay and you had nothing to show for it. You sent them all out, hoping and praying for a bite. But now it’s been a year, you’re 38 and the only thing you have to show for your efforts is an apartment full of stacks of haphazardly bound paper and a serious caffeine and nicotine addiction.

Until now. You had written a full feature film, probably the 100th one you’d finished. You stuck it in a drawer months ago, but decided to pull it out and rewrite. You wrote until your fingers ached and your eyes burned. You edited until you felt as if you cut actual pieces of your soul out and threw them away. And finally, you had your final draft. When you printed and bound it, you didn’t think twice about it. You’d figured it would probably end up in the pile of your other stories, gathering dust and resentment. 

Your sister came down from Northern California to visit you, and one day while you were out she’d picked up the script and read the entire 120 pages. She was beside herself. She hounded you until you gave in. The compromise was you’d only send it to A24, not even gathering the hope that anyone would read it. And you thought it had been dumped in the trash, until you got a phone call.

You were standing in your kitchen watching your espresso machine spit its sweet lifeblood into your oversized mug when your phone rang. You considered not answering. You hated talking on the phone, and it was an unknown number. But this is Hollywood, so you know you’re obligated to pick up in case it’s an agent.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this the author of Secessus?” A man’s voice comes through the phone.

“Uh, yes?”

“Are you currently at your apartment?”

You look around, confused. You walk to your kitchen window and look outside, but all you see is the bag lady rummaging through the dumpster.

“Yeah. This is creepy, I’m hanging up.”

Your last sentence fell on a dead line. The person on the other end had already hung up after you had confirmed you were home. You shake your head and pick up your mug, taking one last glance outside.

“Weird.” You say as you shuffle back to your desk. Your computer is open to a new script you’re working on, this one is a spec for tv. You figured you’d try your hand at a multi-episode plot and hope to get picked up for a writers room on another show. If you weren’t going to write something original, at least you’d still get to write something. 

You’re about to start tapping away at your keyboard when there’s a soft knocking at your door. You glance at it, then at your phone. None of your friends ever came over unannounced. They knew you hated that. So who the fuck was this?

You get up, and tiptoe to the door. At least if you’re quiet you can look through the peephole and see who it is without alerting them to your presence. This way if it’s someone you don’t want to interact with, you can go back to your desk and pretend you aren’t home. You stand on your tiptoes and close one eye, pressing the other to the small glass window in the door.

All you can make out is a small figure, like really small. They’re wearing a bucket hat but you can see brown hair falling over their shoulders. The person is clearly nervous, and you can see them spinning the rings on their fingers. It’s a girl. 

You lower yourself back down, frowning. It was a rare occasion you turned a girl away from your door, but you had no clue who this was. You get back on your tip toes again to get another look. She’s looking right at the peephole, and even waves at it. You can’t tell who it is because she’s wearing massive pittvipers under her hat, effectively covering her face. 

You lower yourself again, more confused. You shrug to yourself and figure ‘what’s the worst that could happen? She tries to sell me a bible and I tell her I’m a big fat lesbian. Byeee.’ Before opening the door you look down at yourself. You’re bra-less and wearing a white ribbed tank top (formerly know as a wife beater but now affectionately dubbed a wife pleaser) and gray sweats. You are perfectly aware that you look like shit, but you don’t care. Maybe it’ll scare the girl away.

Another knock raps against your door, this time louder and more frantic.

“Hello? I know you’re in there can you please open up? I really need to talk to you.” The girl says from the other side.

She has a sweet voice, high in pitch but not piercingly so. You sigh in resignation and grab the doorknob. The damn thing wasn’t even locked. You swing the door open and blink at the sudden blast of sunlight in your face. 

The girl is there, bouncing on her toes with anxiety. She looks up at you, and you think she looks shockingly familiar. You can’t quite place it though, not with the hat and the sunglasses. She’s wearing a baggy white shirt with a green hem and denim jeans. She’s casual but you can tell that it’s calculated. She’s trying to blend in.

“Uhm, can I help you?”

“Are you y/n?” She asks.

“Yes? Is this a joke? Did you have someone call me?” You’re slightly worried now, and still half blind from the sun shining in your eyes. 

“Can I come inside?” She asks, glancing behind her nervously.

“Are you in trouble or something? Am I being roped into like some action movie scenario?”

She laughs, and you can’t help yourself but think it’s a pleasant sound. She still seems so familiar. Maybe if your damned eyes would adjust you could figure out who this woman is. 

“I’m not in trouble, I just want to talk to you about your script. And I’m pretty sure there’s a paparazzi in your neighbors trash can.” She says, glancing across the parking lot.

You smile, “Oh no, that’s just Janice. She’s the bag lady.”

The girl looks at you like you’re crazy. At least you think she does, because you can’t see much of her face behind the giant reflective glasses she’s wearing. You find yourself feeling slightly indignant. Who is this girl to look at you crazy when she’s the stranger knocking on your door and asking to come inside?

“So?” She says, still looking up at you.

“Oh, uhm…” you hesitate. Your apartment is a disaster. There were scripts and coffee cups everywhere, and likely a pair of socks or two. “This is about Secessus?”

She nods, raising her eyebrows above her glasses. Is she getting impatient? The stones on this girl. You sigh and relent, stepping to the side and waving your hand inside to usher her in. She hurriedly slides past you, her converse squeaking on your wood floors. You shut the door and turn to her. She’s staring at your living room. 

You grimace, “Oof, I wasn’t expecting company so…it’s a mess.”

She approaches a stack of scripts and runs her fingers along the cover page. When she speaks her voice is quiet, almost reverent. Like she’s speaking in a church.

“Are these all screenplays?”

“Yeah- wait, you haven’t even told me your name dude, and you’re in my house. How do you know about Secessus?”

She doesn’t turn around, instead thumbing through the script you know is called Green Ties. You wrote it two months ago and have yet to revise it. 

“Because I read it.”

Realization dawns on you, “Oh you’re from A24?”

She hums, “You could say that. Sometimes.”

She takes her glasses off but she’s still turned away from you. 

“Sometimes? Are you like an agent or something?” You ask as you move around her into your living room. 

She looks up at you and you immediately know who she is. How it took you so long is still a mystery, but now that you can see her of course you know her. Brown eyes, a spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, the most perfect cupids bow lip.

Jenna motherfucking Ortega. 

“That’s me. Except it’s Marie, not motherfucking. Although that would be a pretty dope middle name.” She replies with a shrug. 

You hadn’t even realized you said it out loud. Your mouth is hanging open and you’re eternally grateful you set your coffee down or it would be on the floor. Along with your pride. You glance down at yourself now painfully aware that you look like a bum who hadn’t showered in a week.

“Jenna Ortega. In my apartment. Read my script.” You think you may be going into shock. She does too.

“Do you want to sit down?” She’s worried, you can see it on her face.

You nod and gesture toward your dining room table. It’s the only surface that isn’t covered in your manuscripts. You grab your coffee from your desk and sit with it at the table, your hands shaking as Jenna sits down across from you. You set the cup down, mentally kicking yourself

“Would you uh-do you want an espresso?” You’re scrambling now, desperately trying to make this scenario less fucking weird. 

She smiles at you and pulls the hat off her head, shaking her hair free. “I’d love one.”

You get up, far too quickly to be considered normal but you figure that ship has sailed now, and make her a cup. As you’re waiting for the machine you begin to gather your senses, willing yourself to be a normal human being for once in your life.

“So, uhm, I just want to apologize. If I had known,” you pause and lean into the counter, looking back at her. “I would have been more…presentable.”

She leans her elbow on your table and rests her head in her hand, still smiling at you. Why is she smiling at you?

“I prefer it this way. It feels more real.”

“Well it feels pretty fuckin unreal to me right now.” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. You grimace at your words but she laughs again. Before you can say anything else the espresso machine chimes telling you Jenna’s coffee is ready. You turn and grab it, quickly setting it down in front of her.

You sit back in your chair, then stand back up when you realize, “Oh shoot do you want anything with it? I have sugar cubes and oat milk, if you’re into that.”

She shakes her head no and blows over the top of the mug, “This is great, thank you.”

You sit back down. You know you’re being a fool. You just can’t get your feet under you. She’s still smiling at you, her eyes shining. She looks exactly like her pictures, maybe even better in person. Her 20s have treated her well and she wears 30 like a goddess. You close your eyes in frustration, seriously what is wrong with you?! Get it together y/n. You take a deep breath and open your eyes again. She’s watching you closely, half hidden amusement on her face. 

“So. You’re here about my movie?”

She nods, her face lighting up like she’s just remembered why she’s here too. “Yeah! A24 gave me the script last week and once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down. I’ve read it at least ten times now. I’ve even found myself rehearsing all the lines for all the characters, I’m obsessed.”

You’re dumbfounded. Jenna Ortega is sitting at your kitchen table and she’s obsessed with your script. You briefly wonder if you’ve ascended into an alternate universe. 

She takes your silence as an invitation to go on. “So I wanted to come here and meet the person who wrote it. I want to make this movie. If you’ll let me.”

“You. You want to make my movie?”

She nods, sipping her coffee. “I’d like to be in it too, obviously. But A24 would produce it. It’d be my directorial debut. But like, if you’re not cool with that we can hire someone too.”

This whole morning must be a dream. You’re dreaming, you decide. And if this is a dream it doesn’t matter what you say. 

“You’ve got to be shitting me right now.”

She laughs again, you feel proud. That’s three times in the span of ten minutes you’ve made Jenna Ortega laugh. But of course this is a dream. So you’re great. 

“I’m not shitting you. What do you think?”

“I think I’m dreaming.” You say. 

She laughs again. You’re crushing it.

“You’re not dreaming.” She reaches across the table and grabs your hand. You KNOW you’re dreaming now because Jenna Ortega is holding your hand. “See, I’m real. You’re real. And we’re going to make your movie.”

“Holy shit.”

“You haven’t said yes yet.”

You nearly fall out of your chair. “Yes! Yes a million times yes! You can act all the parts, direct it, produce it, burn it to the ground for all I care, are you kidding me?”

Her laughter is quickly becoming the soundtrack to your morning. “I don’t think I can act all the parts, and A24 is on board so we just need to cast the rest.”

You feel like a fish, your mouth is moving but absolutely nothing is coming out. She pulls her hand back and takes another drink of her coffee.

“I’m sure this is sort of overwhelming. But I want you on set with me. And I want you to help me with the cast. If you agree, the studio already has your contract drawn up. They’ll pay you for the script and we’ll start in two months.”

You take a sip of your coffee, then look deep into the cup. Did your sister slip shrooms in the espresso again? You look back to Jenna, she’s patiently waiting for you to answer her. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I’m trying to get it together right now. But yes. To all of it. Yes.” You run your hands through your hair, a nervous habit.

Jenna grins at you over her mug. She has her fingers interlaced around it and she’s clinking one of her rings against the porcelain. If you didn’t know any better you’d say she was excited. Thrilled even. 

“Great!” She says, “I’ll let them know.”

You nod. Thanking the universe she’s already read the script because she would probably think you were an idiot if she didn’t know that you could write. You could not pull it together. This morning was just so WEIRD.

“Do you usually make house calls to writers?” You ask her, attempting to compose yourself.

“No. This one is special. And now that I’ve met you, I know I made the right decision.” She downs the last of her coffee and stands.

You stand with her, and move around the table as she makes her way toward your door. You lean around her when she’s in the entry and open it, letting her out. As she’s about to step outside she turns to you.

“That coffee is incredible by the way. How do you feel about this time tomorrow?”

“How do I feel?”

She nods, pulling her hat and sunglasses back on. “Yeah. Do you mind if I come back by to go over the details? I’d stay longer today but I have to go to a casting call.”

“Uh, of course. I’ll have a cup waiting for you.”

You mentally pat yourself on the back. Good job y/n, so smooth, much rizz. 

She grins even wider and turns on her heel, heading down the stairs, leaving you standing in the doorway, awestruck. You watch her as she gets into a town car waiting in the parking lot, and wait till it drives away before you close your door. 

“What the fuck.” You say quietly, “wait what the fuck?!” You yell this time. 

Excitement pumps through your veins and you can’t help yourself but to dance a little jig around the stacks in your living room. Your script is bought! You’re making a movie! Jenna Ortega is coming back to your apartment tomorrow!

You stop dancing, the realization spreading over you. Jenna is coming back over tomorrow. You look around. You have some work to do before she comes back. You pick up your phone and call your best friend, you’re going to need his help if you’re going to get this place cleaned up.

He picks up after two rings.

“Nando. You are not gonna believe the fucking morning I’ve had. How soon can you get here?”

[thefreakandthehair]

eddie is very emotionally attached to his hair. he loves the look, obviously, but also loves using it as a shield. he plays with it when he needs to fidget, he pulls pieces in front of his face when he’s flustered or nervous, he sweeps it over his shoulders to hide his face from time to time. it’s a built-in barrier and ever since he’d grown it out at around 15, he’d sworn to never go back. eddie’s hair make him feel safe.

that is, until he wakes up in the hospital post-upside down to find it cut short. too short-- can’t-twirl-or-play-with-it short. once the shock and relief of oh fuck, I’m alive, thanks steve, wears off, he laments the loss.

"steve, it took me years to grow it out. I’ll be 25 by the time it’s back where it was!" he admits during a rare moment when it's just the two of them in his hospital room. the machines beep evenly and steve sighs from his position in the hard, wood-backed chair next to the bed.

"man, I get it. my nickname was the goddamn hair for awhile, so I know it's a part of you but it'll grow back, right? and--"

"yeah yeah, I know it will, that's not the problem. it’s— ugh, forget it.” eddie instinctively reaches to pull his hair over his left shoulder to hide his face and is reminded of what the problem really is. he feels exposed and seen in a way that he can’t control and it makes his skin crawl-- particularly that it's steve harrington he feels so seen by, and he frankly has too many other crises going on to unpack that at the moment.

steve, for all of the ‘dumb jock’ jokes tossed his way, is perceptive. you don't survive high school in hawkins and four end-of-the-worlds without a dash of social intelligence, after all. so when he sees eddie reach for his hair like a phantom limb, he starts putting puzzle pieces together.

"why don't you want people to see you?"

eddie freezes with his hands falling to his chest, the IV in one hand pulling a bit at his skin. "that's not... I don't ... nothing, it's nothing." he sputters, unsure how steve has gotten such a fucking read on him.

"hey, I mean, I get it. kind of, at least? after the last few fights knocked my brain around, I've gotten some gnarly scars and bruises and I uh, I don't really swim or go around shirtless anymore because of it. I know that's probably not exactly the same but... yeah. I can understand. want me to get you a wig?"

steve watches as eddie slowly turns to look at him, and more importantly, to let steve look at him and his hesitant smile with furrowed eyebrows.

"why are you telling me all this?" eddie wants to think it's more than steve being steve, more than him just looking out, that it's personal. that maybe he likes eddie. hell, there must've been a reason he and wayne were the only two in the room when he woke up. and it clearly hadn't been the first time, given how close steve and wayne seem to be now. he'd pretended to be annoyed about their banter over the chicago cubs but really? it gave eddie a glimpse of something he wanted so badly, it made him ache. but that couldn't be it.

eddie's heart monitor beeps a little faster when steve reaches out to place a hand on top of his. steve looks up at the screen and back down to their hands with a small, hopeful smile.

"you're one of us now." steve shrugs and replies simply, as if that answers any of eddie's burning questions. he doesn't want to overwhelm him, but Steve can't help some good-natured Harrington flirting. "and it'd be a real shame for you to keep hiding that blush."

there's something here, steve thinks, a reason he wants eddie to let him look, to let him see, to keep making him blush from his neck to his nose. he'll give it time though. after all, the danger is gone-- they're here, and alive, and the world is safe, and they've got nothing but time to watch eddie's curls grow back.

[guillotinebypierre]

It was the night of the Melon Music Awards.

Award season was going strong and the Daesangs were passed around to the usual suspects, or so people thought.

This year things were different, very much so from the average year. This year there was one man, nay one phenomenon who had been sweeping the grand price at every award show he went to.

Y/n L/n, soloist under High Up Entertainment, whose only other noteworthy act was StayC.

Y/n, also known as the 4th gen IT boy, the nation's dream boy and many other, some of them not so PG, nicknames, had debuted this year and was on a streak of breaking records after records, earning him the title of "The Greatest Thing to Happen to Kpop since BTS"

The main appeal of Y/n was that he wasn't only self produced, an incredibly talented singer, songwriter and rapper, one of the best dancers in the industry according to a survey answered by idols in the industry, but also his ethereal visuals. Y/n stood out from the bunch due to his confidence, his height and his impeccable discography.

To many idols, both male and female, Y/n was the definition of crush material. And one of them specifically wanted to use today as an opportunity to finally claim the nation's IT boy as her own.

--3rd Person POV--

Yuna had been eyeing Y/n the whole night, some may even say the whole year. Ever since he debuted she was always talking about his music on Vlives, reposting herself listening to him on Instagram and so much more.

She knew she was wanted by damn near the whole industry and she knew she could have any of them, but none of them were Y/n L/n. None of them had what she truly needed, what she desired.

The night had been another one for the history books, with Y/n dropping another masterclass of a performance and sweeping yet another set of awards, but it was nearing the end.

"And the last award of the night, the award for the Album of The Year goes to......Y/n L/n!"

Soon after the announcer finished his speech confetti shot out on the stage. The camera pans towards a tall man, 20 years of age. He's wearing black a three piece suit, tailor made and exclusively designed for him by Dior, and a black Dior tie . His stance, his confidence, his fragrance, everything about him screams wealth and confidence. His handsome face shows a smile as he stands up and walks up to receive his award.

"I know you might be sick of seeing my face at this point and I'm sorry for that! I want to thank all my fans for everything they've done for me, coming from a smaller company I didn't really expect to achieve this level of fame yet but I am happy to give both me, our company and my lovely StayC sunbaenims more exposure! I want to thank Dior for making this outfit for me tonight and I want to thank everyone who streamed my music! I'll be releasing more next year so be tuned for that. Lastly, I'd like to thank all my peers, ranging from BTS, Red Velvet and TWICE sunbaenims, to NewJeans, IVE, Le Sserafim and Aespa and Itzy noonas for creating music. Your music is amazing and it definitely motivates me to continue making music myself! Please never stop because I love every single one of you! Thank you for another award and good night!"

And with that, Y/n left the stage while the whole building clapped for him. The groups mentioned, blushing while doing so, clapped even harder as they believed this would help them get closer to Y/n.

The night continued and after the event a party for all of the artists was held. To many, this meant drinking and letting lose but to others, it meant getting drunk and getting laid.

--Y/n POV--

I watched as my peers around me let lose a little. It was a nice sight to see if I'm honest. Most of them are way too stuck up due to companies putting bullshit rules on their dating lives and on their personalities. It was nice seeing them unfiltered for once.

Speaking of being comfortable, I finally got around to take off a bit of clothing. I had taken off my jacket and vest, leaving me only in my tie and dress shirt, of which I had rolled up the sleeves to get a bit more comfortable.

"Y/n congratulations on the win!~", a obviously drunk Karina told me as she went for a hug.

"Thank you so much Jimin. You and the girls were great during your performance, I loved your outfits", I replied while hugging her. Even with the strong smell of alcohol on her I still could smell her perfume.

"Thank you baby~ Say, how about we get out of here Y/nn? I really want to spend some time with you alone", Karina told me in a sultry tone.

"Rina I'm flattered but you're obviously drunk. How about I give you my number and we spend some time some other day when you're sober again?", I replied while holding her so that she didn't fall to the ground.

"Gladly~", she replied while giving me her phone.

I typed my number in and saved it before searching for her members and her manager. I looked around for a while before finding Winter and Giselle next to a sleeping NingNing. As I walked towards them Karina started hugging and snuggling up to my side, which made a certain blonde stare daggers into her head.

"Girls please help me with your drunk leader.", I started before dropping onto the couch next to NingNing.

"Oh~ Wha- Y/n? What are you doing here?", NingNing asked me, a bit startled.

"Sorry for waking you up Ning. I was looking for your manager because I think it would be better if you girls went home now.", I told her

Soon after that I spotted their manager appearing, seemingly out of nowhere and looking stressed.

"Manager-nim! Can we go home now? It's getting boring and Jimin had too much to drink already.", Giselle told their manager.

"Sure-" "

Y/nn I don't want to leave you yet~", Karina interrupted them while 'crying'. God knows why she started being cutesy but it was kinda working on me.

"Rina I promise I'll call you after I get home, we can definitely do something tomorrow but now it's better if you went home and slept for a bit.", I told Karina while holding her face forcing her to look me in the eyes.

It was as if she was in a trance and I'm not quite sure if she even heard me but all she said was "Ok" and with that Aespa said their goodbyes and left.

Now it was like before, I was alone and everyone else was having fun. Of course occasionally artists would come up to me and congratulate me. I was especially surprised and moved by Red Velvet and Twice appearing and thanking me for the words I said towards them, but also by Minji from NewJeans, who came up to me and asked me for my number while stuttering, which I found really cute.

However, it soon died down and with everyone being drunk I was about to leave until-

"Y/n wait up!", someone called me from behind.

"Yuna?", I stated questioningly before turning around.

"Wow you really know my voice that well?~ Am I your bias or how did you recognize me that easily?", the gorgeous blonde teased me.

"You are my bias, yeah, but I also noticed you staring at me a long time from that corner over there. Where you mustering up the courage to come up to me all that time?~", I teased her back which resulted in her becoming as red as a tomato.

"Y-Yah it's not my fault you're so intimidating. Doesn't help that you're that handsome either", She said while whispering the last part.

"Anyways, what's up Yuna? Why'd you call me?", I questioned her

"Ah right! You seemed really bored, just like me, so I wanted to ask if you'd like to do something? Drinking isn't really for me since and everyone else but you is damn near blackout drunk soooo", She said while looking up to me.

I smiled at her before agreeing to her offer, which seemingly flipped a switch in her as she now stared at me with lust and hunger in her eyes.

"What did you have in mind noona?", I asked her

"Aish I'm barely older than you, you can drop the honorifics Y/n", she replied while grabbing my hand and dragging me off.

It was dark and I barely couldn't see where we were going, the light only allowed me to see what was in front of me.

We soon reached a door and Yuna walked inside, the bright light startling me due to the contrast to the dark corridors of the venue. I soon realised that she took me to a bathroom and I then realised what kinda of activity Yuna had planned for us.

I turned around and took in her outfit. The lighting in the previous rooms had not done her any justice. It was as if Aphrodite herself had stepped down from heaven and was now reborn as Shin Yuna. She wore a short black dress, designed by Prada for her, matched with high heels that made her damn near 6 feet tall. She had a Louis Vuitton bag in her hand. Her make up was impeccable, it was natural while putting focus on her beautiful features and bringing them out even more. Her lips were full and glossy, natural in their colour and still so beautiful. Her big eyes stared at me, lust evident in them, while blonde hair fell over her shoulders and covered a bit of her forehead. She still still had fake tattoos on her arm from her group's performance. To put it simply, she was ethereal.

"Take a picture it'll last longer", She said, taking you out of your train of thought.

"I'm sorry for staring, you're just really gorgeous", I told her while walking up to her.

She smiled and closed the distance. Our faces were now centimeters apart from each other.

"I'm sure you know why I took you here, don't you big boy? I know you've been given enough prizes already but theres one right in front of you and she wants to be taken by you too." She said before finally closing the distance completely.

It was as if time stopped for a second, my brain was overstimulated due to her scent and the taste of her lips. They tasted sweeter than the sweetest cherries I had ever eaten and it was addicting. Our tongues battled for dominance and we both tried, and failed, to take each others clothes off while making out. I grabbed the straps of her dress and let them fall off her shoulders while she fumbled to get my tie off.

I helped her with taking my shirt and tie off while she took off the rest of her dress. After what felt like an eternity, we both reluctantly stopped kissing in order to catch our breath. I looked her, seeing her only in her bra and panties, while she stared at my abs and chest.

"Take a picture it'll last longer", I told her while smirking

"Shut up and kiss me you idiot", She replied while closing the distance again.

This time she jumped onto me, which gave me the message she wanted me to sit her on the sink. I carried her over and continued making out with Itzy's maknae. My hands found their way towards her waist, gripping it firmly, while her arms interlocked behind my neck, forcing my tongue, which was now inside her mouth, even deeper down her throat. I removed one hand from her waist and expertly took off my belt in one swift motion, letting my pants drop to the floor.

We broke off our kissing and I looked at the goddess in front of me. Her lips were swollen, her eyes dripping with lust and her breathing rapid and uneven.

"I want to taste you.", I told her assertively.

She didn't respond but instead looked me in the eyes, practically begging me to do so, so I did.

I took off her bra and started working on her breasts. I sucked on the skin around them before moving onto the nipples. I played with one of them while sucking the other and vice versa, always making sure to threat them equally. I felt her look at me which made me assume Yuna looked down on me, probably smiling and taking a mental picture of the situation. I knew of her crush on me, the girl wasn't hiding it very well and I'm not stupid nor oblivious, but I can say that I was surprised of her courage to shoot her shot like this.

I continued moving down, liking up and down her toned, flat stomach before making my way to the main dish. She wore black semi see through panties and I quickly noticed that they were damp. I teased her a bit by kissing around her core, licking her inner thighs and biting the flesh, before diving in and pressing my tongue on her clothed vagina. She threw her head back and it was in that moment that I realized that her panties were not damp, they were soaked. I took them off with my teeth, sliding them down to her legs before raised them in order for me to take them off completely. I looked at her pussy. The scent was driving me crazy. It looked freshly shaven and, just as anyone with more than one functioning brain cell could've guessed, was very clean too. I didn't want to waste more time and dove in tongue first. I liked around her outer labia while making circles with my thumb on her erect clit. Yuna was in heaven as far as I could tell based one her moans and how hard she was gripping my hair, so I decided to add even more stimulation. I stuck my tongue inside her wet core, tongue fucking her while continuously playing with her clit and now also her nipples. After a while I switched it up, latching my mouth onto her clit before sticking two fingers inside her and fingering her. Soon enough she came, or rather erupted, as she squirted all over my face and onto the floor behind me. She looked satisfied, however I wasn't finished, so I continued eating her out and it seemed like the stimulation was too much for her sensitive body as she came again soon after, violently shanking and moaning before spraying her sweet nectar on me again.

I stood up and took off the final piece of clothing, my underwear, before taking a few tissues and cleaning my face.

Yuna looked down at me and her eyes widened after laying eyes on my dick before slowly getting off the sink and sinking down to her knees.

She took me into her mouth, trying to fit as much as she could into her before sucking on the tip. She looked up at me, still with lust, while bobbing her head up and down on my member. The bathroom was now filled with gagging and slurping noised as the blonde continued reciprocating the energy I just gave her and sucking me off. She slowly but surely took in inch after inch before going back up and gasping for air. Yuna stroked my cock, which was now completely coated in a thick layer of saliva, before getting up and bending over the sink and swaying her ass at me.

"I think that was enough foreplay, please get over here for the main course Y/n. Claim your prize."

I walked over and positioned myself behind her, however, before entering, I had an idea. I grabbed my tie from the floor and tied Yuna's hands behind her back, using my accessory as a makeshift handcuff, before penetrating her petite body. The bathroom was once again filled witg a loud moan, this time coming from both of us an a kind of perverse harmony. It was as if time stopped again. I felt every fiber, every muscle contracting on my dick. It was as tight as our schedule and as hot as magma. Yuna's pussy felt like heaven and it took everything I had in me to not cum inside her that second. I stayed still for a second, giving her time to adjust to my size before finally fucking her. I thrusted deep, hard and fast into her, fucking as if it was the last day on earth. With every thrust I felt her pussy clench around my dick and I saw her ass jiggle. With every thrust her moans reached a higher pitch, reaching octaves that she didn't even reach in the studio. With every thrust I felt the knot in my stomach growing bigger and bigger, I felt that familiar sensation boiling up and coming to a climax. With every thrust I saw Yuna's mouth hanging open wider and wider, more and more drool dripping out of her mouth. With every thrust her eyes rolled further and further into her skull. Her hands had gone limp, hands which she could've used for support had they not been tied up. All of this culminated into a climax, a climax as hard as either of us had every climaxed before, with Yuna clenching so hard around me that it was borderline impossible for me to go out of her again, before violently shaking again and dropping with her face down onto the sink. I continued thrusting throughout her climax and just as I felt the knot in my stomach about to explode I looked her into her eyes and they told me one thing- to not pull out.

So that exactly what I did. With one last thrust I buried myself as deep as I could inside her before finally releasing all of my semen into Shin Yuna's womb. Thick spurt after thick spurt shot out of my dick, coating her insides in a layer of cum, so much so that it started dripping down her thighs. I stayed inside her for a bit before finally pulling out, exhausted but still hard.

Still unsatisfied I picked Yuna up, holding her from beneath her thighs while having her back turned to him. I walked in front of the mirrors before entering Yuna again, making her release a long drawn out moan. I continued pistoling in and out of her like me life depended on it, making sure she could see her lewd expression on the mirror before slowly but surely feeling myself come to a climax again. I continued fucking her, slowing down a bit but thrusting harder than before until Yuna came, squirting onto the mirrors in front of her. Her head dropped down in exhaustion and a few seconds after I came inside her for the second time this night. I emptied out my semen before placing the exhausted girl down on the floor, seeing as a puddle of my cum was slowly building due to it overflowing or rather flowing out of her.

Yuna was breathing heavily, barely being able to hold herself upright before speaking for the first time in forever-

"We aren't done yet. I still need your cum in my mouth.", She told, no she demanded of me.

Yuna crawled towards me before taking my semi hard dick into her mouth, tasting a mixture of our cum. She licked around the tip, this time being unable to both support herself and stroke me due to her hands being tied up. She gagged on my cock, going further and further down each time, almost trying to increase her depth with each lick. I felt her throat tightening around me, making me feel things I had never felt before. She continued bobbing her head up and down until I decided that I had enough and took the lead myself. I grabbed both sides of her head and started throat fucking Yuna. The gagging got louder and Yuna got wetter. From where I was standing I could make out the shape of a smile forming onto her face. I continued bucking my hips back and forth, reaching further and further with each thrust until, for the third time that night, I felt my orgasm inching closer and closer. My thrusts became sloppier, my grip on Yuna's hair loosened and soon, with one last throb, my dick came undone in Yuna again, this time coating her throat in thick, white, hot, sticky spurts of cum.

I stayed inside her for a while, giving enough room to breathe but also making sure she kept all of my cum inside her mouth, until finally backing off and looking at what I had done to her. Her make up ruined, her chin coated in saliva and precum, between her legs was a puddle of my semen and her cum and our clothes were scattered around the bathroom. The sink was wet, the mirrors were foggy and still had her squirt on them and my pants were soaked in her juices. I looked at her and she innocently looked back, smiling sweetly before standing up and cleaning herself.

We both put our clothes back on before she walked, or rather limped, back to her members. The party was surprisingly still on going, however, it was more than appropriate for me to leave. I looked back at Yuna, bowing towards her members before seeing her wink at me and soon I left the party. I got into my car, asking my manager to drive me back to my house before checking my phone, seeing two new messages.

unknown number

>hi Y/nn. I hope you had fun, I already miss having you inside me baby. I got your number from Jihyo unnie, hope you don't mind. Feel free to call me if you want to 'spend some time' together again ;) I feel so full right now, thank you for your nutritious meal.

See you soon handsome~ xoxo -Yuna

'This girl will be the death of me', I muttered while throwing my head back. I quickly replied to her before looking at the second message.

Rina Noona❤️

>Y/nn~ I think you can tell who this is based on the name I put but I got home and I'm feeling better already. Please text me once you get home, or call me. No matter the time I'll pick up. I really want to hear your voice again baby~ I'll definitely hold you up to that offer too because I always get what I want and you just happen to be first place on my wishlist right now. Don't forget to hit me up or I'll be sad :(

xoxo your -your favourite Idol in the whole wide world.

...To be continued

--------------------------------------------------------------

[hannahssimblr]

I get suspended, but it’s not that bad. 

The last time, when I set the toilet paper dispenser on fire, it was a lot more of a traumatising experience than this. Everyone was so concerned about me becoming an arsonist that I needed to spend several hours speaking to a child psychologist about my motivations, which I explained was boredom and a fascination with watching little pieces of one ply toilet paper burn. It was likely the most worrying thing possible that I could have said. Still, through long, tedious conversation and a thousand boring questions and hypothetical scenarios we determined by the end of the week that I am merely troublesome rather than a deliberate menace and threat to the safety of teachers and students.

This is the same personality trait that got me kicked out of the boy scouts at ten. I am a disruptive influence, and the therapist simply recommended more supervision, which I did not receive from my casually neglectful parents. At least I never set a toilet stall on fire again.

This week is more about watching TV and playing my PlayStation. I do not have to go to a psychologist to go to, just the hospital to get a trio of stitches in my head and checked for a concussion, which I don't have, and then I am back, melding to the couch, playing Grand Theft Auto IV until I am jittery and my eyes are so manic I feel like I have to manually blink them. 

My mother is extremely kind to me, which is interesting. She panicked after I arrived at Trisha Bailey’s house to collect Ivy earlier than expected last Tuesday with blood pouring from a wound in my head and promptly fainted on the parquet floor in front of two eight year old girls. She had to leave work early to come and get me, and she barely even complained about it. She’s been treating me like I’m made of glass ever since, while I, in tandem, have been making an effort to play up my injuries and fake headaches as much as possible so that she is forced to make snacks for me when she’s home from work. This is a pretty good reason to develop something like Munchausen’s Syndrome, I think. I’m actually being mothered, though it's most likely that she's worried that my dying or having brain damage would mean she'll have to hire a full time nanny or bring in another au pair from France who'll lift individual diamonds from her tennis bracelet over a period of months like the last one did.

She even brushes my hair back and kisses my forehead at one point, which feels like it is crossing a line, and is so weird that I feel urged to make a joke about it. It pisses her off and she doesn’t come near me again for the rest of the day, but that’s fine. I wanted to be alone with the TV anyway. 

One evening I go to Jen and Michelle’s, who both coo over me until I part my hair to show them my stitches, which they act disgusted by, but still, they make me snacks and coffee and tell me I am brave for standing up to Fitzy. I don’t deny it even if it’s not what I truly believe. 

Evan joins us later and acts less disgusted by the gash in my head. He wants to know about Fitzy, who he thinks is a massive dickhead, and how badly I hurt him back. I exaggerate, but figure it’s okay because he is suspended too. It’s not like anybody will see him and call me a liar. I’ll tell them that the thumbnail scratch on his cheek was intentional and they will all believe me. 

He and I go out onto the seafront and smoke together, far away from Jen, who is supposed to be off them but will beg for one if she smells them, and Michelle, the daughter of a medical doctor who shuns them and judges anyone who doesn’t. 

“I kind of wish I’d seen the fight,” Evan is saying as we stroll along in the drizzle, and the end of his cigarette crackles and glows in the haze of the night, “Just to see Willy’s stupid face when you smacked it.”

“Yeah, I mean… he looked pissed off I guess. I don’t really remember, I was all adrenaline.”

“I’ve never been in a fight.”

“You don’t want to be. It’s horrible. I only did it because-” I break off and shrug, “Well, you know why, I suppose.”

I see him peering at me from the corner of my eye as I look over the bay, “Is she worth it?”

I sigh, “Yeah, sure. I don’t know. I think it’s complicated. I don’t regret it but I don’t know if she’d appreciate it either, like she might say that defending her like that is too intense.”

“Is that because you’re not properly together?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm. She should be grateful,” Evan says around a mouthful of smoke, and I don't respond. 

“What’s she like?”

I don’t really know how to answer, “Um, she’s nice, she’s, like, sweet under this cool-girl exterior, and really smart.”

Evan laughs, “No, that’s not what I mean. I’m just asking, you know, since she’s supposedly pretty experienced and all that…I just was curious…”

“Oh,” I scratch my head, careful to avoid my stitches which itch almost constantly, “Are you, like, asking me what sex is like? I dunno, man, stick your finger in your mouth. It’s like that times a million.”

“Oh, c’mon, I’ve done it. Christ sake. I was just wondering if it ever gets better.”

I pause as I try to determine whether he’s really trying to have a heart to heart with me or if I'm just picking him up wrong. Either way it's a bit awkward, and I don’t know what to say other than, “Yeah, man, I mean, I don’t know what your situation is or anything but it gets a lot better,” I flick my cigarette onto the path and immediately start pulling another out of the packet. Not that I usually smoke more than one at a time, it’s just I am hoping my fumbling around will interrupt this conversation. 

It doesn’t. 

“Michelle is pretty shy, you know, during,” He admits, and my face burns. I really do not want to think about them that way. 

“Most girls are shy. We’re still pretty young.”

“Yeah but, I dunno, it bothers me a bit, and then I see guys like you and girls like Alison and I think that you must have it all figured out. Do you know what I mean?”

“We don’t really, we’re all just kind of muddling our way through.”

“Yeah, but you must have- I mean, you always have a girlfriend.”

I’m surprised he even paid that much attention to me, “Yeah, most of the girls I’ve gone out with never wanted to do anything more than kiss.”

His eyebrows vanish under his fringe, “Really?”

“Yeah, they’re mostly not ready for anything else. It’s fine, I’m okay with it because it’s just part of how it goes. I just focus on how lucky I feel when someone does want to… let me.”

“Like Alison.”

“Yeah.”

“I think everything kind of makes sense now,” he smirks, eyes flicking to my head wound, and I’m certain that whatever he is thinking about me now, my motives and my reasoning for fighting my friend in the changing rooms, he is most likely wrong. 

“Look,” I stop walking and wave my cigarette around vaguely, “you guys will figure it out, huh? I don’t know what to tell you about it. She really seems to like you, so,”

“Yeah,” he says glumly, “I like her too, it’s just that I wish some things were better. Like, she’s barely allowed to come out at night and hang out.”

“Yeah, I suppose that's because her parents are strict.”

“Right! Her mam always gets so annoyed about her being out too late, and then it’s a big drama, and Shell wants to talk about how annoyed she is, and I’m like, why does your mam even care about what you do? You know what I’m saying?”

“Yeah, I get it. It’d be nice if it were different, but,” I shrug, “You know it’s not for nothing, right? Like, I hate to be the guy that defends someone’s strict parents or whatever, but if they’re not strict on Michelle then they can’t be strict on Jen, and if they’re not strict on Jen, well,” I exhale a lungful of smoke, “You know how it is.”

“It’s annoying though.”

“You’ll have to learn to enjoy Michelle in the light of day, and if you stay together until college then you can do whatever you like.”

“College?” He echoes, pulling a face as though the suggestion of waiting that long is ludicrous and unfathomable, but college doesn’t seem so far away for me. I’m counting down. Fifteen months until we are finished school, I will have one last long, empty summer and then I will leave, I’ll vanish into thin air leaving behind nothing but the shadow of a boy, an imprint on a couch cushion, an unmade bed and a cereal bowl in the sink.

I already have September 2010 circled in bold red marker on a calendar with arrows and asterixis all around it because that's it, freedom. That’s when I will get on a plane and go somewhere far from here and never speak to anybody from this town again. Jen and Ivy and a select few others are the only ones who will know my whereabouts. College, to me, has been aspirational before I was even a teenager.

Evan hasn’t even thought that far ahead. 

“You can probably stick it out until then,” I say flatly, “If you’re in love or whatever.”

“Uh, yeah totally, I think we are. I think we’re good together, so I can probably just learn to deal with it.”

“It's worth it,” I don’t know why it would be hard anyway. Evan is so lucky. If I was in his position and had a girl who loved me like Michelle apparently loves him I don’t think any sacrifice would be too much. I'd be on top of the world. I only get to see her during the day? Wow, how lucky I’d feel just to be able to do just that. Eighteen months until we have the freedom to do whatever we like with our time together? What’s eighteen months? If it was real love with someone then I’d happily wait years. Maybe Evan is just a bit stupid or something. 

I drop a hand onto his shoulder, forgetting that sudden movements shock him, and he leaps about a meter in the air. I clear my throat as he gathers himself again. “You’ll figure it out.” I say.

He wants to go back to Michelle’s house where it’s warm and dry, but I’d rather take a walk by the sea for a while. Several days of being cooped up inside have made me feel all soft and cosy, which Doherty would probably say isn’t a good way to feel. He’d want me to take a bracing dip in the sea or run fifteen kilometres in the driving rain just to feel life pumping through my veins on a day like this. Thinking of his big bald head and angry face prompts me to flick my half smoked cigarette away and leave it smouldering in the cycle path. 

I should stop doing unhealthy things. 

I take out my phone and text Alison. 

Are you around?

I’m at home

Want company?

ok come over

Beginning // Prev // Next

[runningthroughthegarden]

Hi how are you ❤️? You write amazingly well <3

I was wondering, if you take requests, if you could write a Jack/Ethan fic inspired by "You're Losing Me" by Taylor Swift. (You can decide the ending, line sad or not)

Thanks you 💕

thank you!! yall love being heartbroken, me too!! requests are open, i love doing them :)

-

you and jack had been dating for a year when he got offered a role in scream vi. you were more than excited for him, even though it meant you would be spending a lot of time apart. you both decided you would do everything in your power to make it work, but lately that was proving to be easier said than done. the last couple of days you could barely get in touch with him. whenever he did reply it was small or dry remarks. you felt lonely in the apartment you once shared. sitting, staring at the walls that were once filled with laughter and love. feeling your phone buzz you are quick to check the notification. 

“hey babe sorry ive had a long day on set” 

“jack we havent talked in days. i don't understand” 

“i know you don't. listen i’ll call you tomorrow” 

crashing on your bed, tears begin to dwell in your eyes.

you say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

pacing your room with your phone up to your ear you begin to grow anxious. jack broke his empty promise and didn’t call you. so now here you were, trying to piece it back together. as the ringing stops, a smile is cast across your face. 

“jack!! hey, i miss you”

“hey what did you want”

“well you said you were gonna call and i just wanted to check up on you” 

“im a little busy right now” 

“oh okay maybe we can call again later” 

a deep sigh is his only response. 

“is everything okay?” 

“no everythings not okay! i cant get anything done when youre bothering me all day. im working and all you want to do is talk about your day. im sorry but i really don't care right now”

“oh okay. i’ll let you go” 

throwing your phone onto your bed, you break down in sobs. 

do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

you spent the evening on your bed, shaking with tears streaming down your eyes. you could only thing about how good things used to be. when you had a boyfriend who absolutely adored you. now it seemed like you had no one at all. your heart was racing a million hours per hour and yet you felt absolutely nothing. 

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

after that night, that call, you made it a point to stay out of jacks way. he would facetime you every now and then. while he got his hair done, goofing around on set, or just in his trailer. none of these times did he seem to notice that none of your smiles reached your eyes. your replies were empty and solemn. you were happy to see him so excited but apart of you hated him for not realizing what he had done. for not realizing how deep his words had truly affected you. 

“hey you okay” 

biting your nails behind the screen 

“lately not really” you honestly replied. 

“hang on mason's gotta tell me something. i’ll call you later. love you."

every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

your surprised to hear a knock at your door. you open it to reveal your curly headed boyfriend. he had stopped responding to you completely a few days ago, so saying you were shocked to see him was an understatement. tired of being the only one trying to keep the relationship afloat, you let out your frustration. 

“what are you doing here jack” 

“hey i just wanted to check up on you, i have a few days off” 

he brings you into a hug, but you stay stiff below him. 

“whats wrong?” he asks, picking up on your mood. 

“you ignore me for days and expect me to be excited to see you?” 

“ive been busy you know that” 

“jack we barely talk anymore. and when we do you blow me off in the first 5 minutes. hell you even told me to stop talking to you.” you explain, tears filling your eyes. 

“look im sorry, the movies just been taking up all my time."

“and the movies more important than me right?” you say barely above a whisper.

“no but this is my job, my life” 

“then maybe you should only worry about yourself” finally looking into his eyes.

“what are you trying to say” 

“im saying we’re done jack. i cant keep putting myself through hell only for you not to give a shit” 

“no c'mon we can make this work.”

“yeah thats what you said last time. please jack im going to ruin myself if this keeps happening.” 

you both are a crying mess at this point. 

not saying another word, jack leaves. 

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

now, you're running down the hallway

and you know what they all say

"you don't know what you got until it's gone"

the next morning you find a letter left at your front door. 

my love, 

i'm sorry. for absolutely everything. i love you endlessly. when the stars realign, i’ll be there. but for now, be with someone who can give you everything i couldn't. 

-jack

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

stop 'cause you're losing me

crumpling up the paper you begin to cry. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

giving up so much of yourself, you were absolutely exhausted. the beautiful relationship you once had is now behind you. 

you're losing me

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

giving up the fight, you were at rest. 

[punk4ndisorderly]

light on

The one where Y/N is the daughter of a legendary Team USA coach and used to attend the development program with the boys. 8 years after they last saw each other in person, a reunion brings Jack and Y/N back into each other’s lives... and hearts.

if you keep the light on, i'll keep the light on

III IV - knowing me, knowing you V

Distracted by the tv, they hadn’t noticed the storm brewing up outside. The sound of thunder roared loudly in the hotel room, instantly causing a blackout. They dropped each other’s hands, caught by surprise.

“Oh, shit.” she whimpered, going back to bed.

Jack did the same, slightly disappointed their little trip down memory lane had been cut short, resting his hands on his stomach as he thought about the moment they had just shared and the way he his head was currently a messy knot of conflicting feelings.

“I’m not hurting as bad as I thought I’d be.” he confessed, breaking the silence that had suddenly become too loud.

“What?” Y/N asked, confused, sitting up straight against the headboard.

“About the break-up. I’m not as heartbroken as I thought I would be, and that makes me feel… Uneasy.” the Devils' player explained, looking down at his hands, finally letting himself process his life’s most recent events.

Somehow he felt safe in that hotel room, with her. Something inside him told him he could trust this woman, just like he had back in camp.

Y/N scooted closer to him, not saying a word, but touching his hand gently, letting him know she was listening.

“I really have no idea how I got to this point.”

She glanced at him, watching the way his eyebrows were furrowing, deep in thought.

“Okay… First off, I’m going to get the complementary bottle of wine from the mini-fridge and then you, sir, are going to tell me all about what’s going on in that head of yours.” she instructed, getting up to walk to the appliance, grabbing the cheap bottle of wine, taking the corkscrew by it with her and handing it to him.

Unscrewing the cork, he tried giving the bottle back to her, only to have her refuse to take it.

“You get a sip first. Trust me, if we’re having this conversation, you’re going to need it.”

Alina had a point. He did as he was told, passing it off to her afterwards. This time she accepted it, taking a swig.

“Go ahead.” the doctor urged. “I’m all yours.”

He ignored the way his heart skipped a beat when she said those words, sighing heavily.

“Well, I thought this time I was headed towards what I wanted my future to be, but along the way I realized I was just stuck in the same place, feeling somewhat numb and indifferent.” he began, pausing to glance at his old crush, only to find her hanging on every word he said. “I never want to feel indifferent when it comes to love. I want to feel excitement, passion, fear of losing that person. I want to have the urge to shout from the rooftops how in love I am. I want an extraordinary love, something that completely scares me and positively overwhelms me at the same time.”

Y/N could see the sadness in his deep blue eyes, even though the lights were out. She took the bottle to her lips, leaning her head back, before handing it back to the conflicted man beside her. He gave her a half-hearted smile and did the same.

“I want the exact same thing.” she admitted, after a few seconds of comfortable silence.

Jack raised his eyes from his hands and waited for her to continue.

“I feel as unlucky in that field as you do.” the coach's daughter added, avoiding to meet his gaze. “It seems like I’m making a puzzle and I can’t seem to find a piece that fits. I’ve tried similar ones but you can’t really do ‘similar’ when it comes to a puzzle, can you? Either you’ve got the real deal or you’re stuck with a twisted version of what the final result should be. It ends up looking nothing like the picture on the box. I think love works that way.”

He took in what she had just said. She had always been good with words. Only Y/N Y/L/N could explain what he was feeling better than himself.

Without realizing it, they were scooting next to each other as they passed around the white wine.

“How do you do that?” Jack blurted out, after little to no consideration.

Raising her eyes to meet his, a quizzical expression in her face, she took a minute to think about what he might mean.

“How do I do what?”

“Take the words out of my mouth?”

“I guess we’re not as different as we thought we were.” she shrugged.

“Maybe not…” the Devils' player concluded. “I’m not really good at dealing with feelings… I tend to bottle it all in… Love fucking sucks.”

Taking his hand in hers, holding it in her lap and gently caressing the back of it with her thumb, she smiled kindly at him.

“I know, babe. But it plays a pivotal part in our lives. I’m sure you’ll find your perfect pic and get the picture on the box. Something tells me you absolutely will.” Y/N assured him.

*

The wine had mellowed them out, slowing down their thoughts and turning off certain filters. They were now facing each other. Jack's fingers tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Y/N shivered when she felt his hand touch her skin, every hair in her body standing up as if electricity was coursing through her veins.

Their hands were still intertwined. Her breath hitched in her throat when he leaned in, his forehead meeting hers.

Loud moans mixed with the sound of rain brought them back to reality. The pair backed up away from each other, bewildered looks on their faces.

“What the hell is that?” Y/N inquired looking up at the ceiling.

“Someone gets in the mood during storms…” Jack chuckled, leaning back against the headboard of her bed.

“It’s almost five a.m., who the fuck gets up at five a.m. for a quicky?”

“A cow and a cat, apparently.”

“What?”

“Whoever they are, they sound like a cow and a cat that are having an angry face-off.”

They both started laughing loudly and uncontrollably.

“I’m officially disturbed.” Y/N stated, leaning back again, her eyes closed.

Rain continued to pour outside, no signs of it coming to a halt anytime soon.

“If we were in camp right now, that mean assistant coach would be making us run outside, freezing our asses off.” Jack commented absentmindedly, staring out the window.

“We’d probably make it into a mud fight.” she pointed out, grinning cheekily.

“Oh, for sure. We’d be going at it.”

She chuckled quietly in response, before she saw another lightning thread the dark sky.

“I actually hate thunderstorms so much.” she mumbled, laying down.

“Really?” the brunette man questioned, mimicking her moves.

“Yeah, I know it’s childish but I can’t sleeping alone during these. So…” Y/N began, reaching out and touching his face. “I’m actually happy you’re here right now.”

The way she was looking at him was driving him crazy. The skin on her stomach was left bare as she laid down next to him. He wanted to touch her, cover every inch of her body with sloppy wet kisses, make her see how beautiful she was in his eyes.

Closing the space between them, Jack engulfed her in his arms, pressing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. Y/N immediately responded to him, allowing his tongue into her mouth and burying her hands in his brown hair. The kiss they were sharing grew more desperate as he pulled them up and she moved to straddle his lap, panting heavily. The doctor helped him take off his shirt, running her hands through his chiseled chest. Jack's lips left hers and she whimpered softly at the loss of contact, only to rejoice internally when she felt him leave kisses all over her neck.

His hands moved from her face to her band t-shirt, pulling it over her head. He stopped, looking at her, as if he was asking for permission. Y/N smiled wickedly, biting her bottom lip, nodding. Jack didn’t waste any time, kissing and nibbling the skin above her full breasts. She threw her head back, moaning his name.

“Jack… Oh Jack…”

“Jack… Jack!”

He opened his eyes as he heard her voice and felt her hand on his back. The early sunlight filled the room. Who would’ve thought that after such a rainy night the birds would be chirping under the warmth of the sun, that was shining bright in the sky?

Jack was laying on his stomach, his left arm pinning Y/N to the mattress.

“Mmm… I really need to pee.” she admitted, looking down at her stomach, where his strong arm was holding her down.

Realizing their compromising position, Jack removed his arm from where it rested, rubbing the sleep off his tired eyes.

“What time is it?” he asked, trying to act casual and keeping his voice low, taking in that his head was pounding.

“It’s a quarter to eight.” Y/N almost whispered in response, rushing to the bathroom.

The Devils' player tried to process the night they had shared together, since finding Y/N in the corridor, to singing with her, almost giving into temptation and sharing a bed. His thoughts drifted to the dream he was having right before she woke him up. Speaking of which…

Jack's eyes were averted to his shorts, that, at that moment, felt like they had shrunken three sizes. His cheeks blushed a deep shade of pink as he got up and took a pillow from her bed, covering his prominent bulge, picking up his room key and knocking on the bathroom door. He heard the water running and couldn’t help but think of what it would be like to join her in the shower.

Down, boy. You’re not really helping yourself right now. Focus.

“I… I’m heading out. Thank you for… You know. See you at breakfast?”

A muffled okay was all he heard before making his exit. He padded to his room, praying to the saints no one saw him leave her room in the morning while sporting an erection. Jack made it to his destination safely, but the key wasn’t working, the door to his safe haven remaining closed as he silently cursed himself out.

You must’ve picked up her key card, you dumbass.

Heading back to Y/N's accommodations, the brunette mam had just knocked on her door when the elevator’s doors opened and Trevor walked out, holding a small grocery bag and a card just like the one he had in his hand.

Oh, fuck my life.

His longtime friend saw him immediately, no chance to escape, raising an eyebrow once his eyes spotted the pillow he was holding over very specific body parts. Jack froze in his place, not daring to move an inch.

Maybe if I stand very still he won’t…

“What’s up, beauty!” Trevor greeted him enthusiastically. “Daddy’s home.”

“That is honestly the creepiest thing you’ve ever said.” Jack cringed at his loud voice and kink.

“What’s with the pillow? But first, what the hell happened to you? You look like crap, almost like you haven’t…”

The blond man was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, Y/N making an appearance in nothing but a hotel robe, her damp hair having yet to be tamed by a brush.

“…slept at all. Oh. Nice!” he completed his sentence, shooting the pair a knowing look. “That’s totally a boner, isn’t it?” Trevor chuckled, pointing to the pillow.

Y/N's eyes widened and all the blood was drained out of Jack's face.

“This is not what it looks like.” she began to explain, tightening the robe around her otherwise naked body.

“Of course not.” their friend winked at her, raising his hand for a high-five. “Anyone? No? Alright, I’ll just retreat to my room so you guys can continue doing the dirty. Remember to use protection, though. Zegras out!” he almost shouted, going full-on Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club as he took a turn at the end of the hall and left their sights.

[sugar-omi]

Okay so we've had leaving Cove for Baxter but what about an uno reverse card here? A post step 4 scenario where MC leaves Baxter and figures out they've always loved Cove?

P.S. Love, love, live your writing!!!

im so glad you sent this!! tysm for the praise<333 i feel like this could relate to this: question abt the reverse also i didn't think abt it then, n maybe i said this but to finish that thought. (eta now that ive linked it, BABE U LITERALLY RAMBLED STFU<///3) but baxter accepts your feelings bc he's desperate for love and he's pined after you for years. ALTHOUGH if i were to write it canonically, he would be so offended that you'd even bother and encourage you to leave cove before you hurt him. cove would do the same, if you confess to him he would Instantly lose all respect n interest in you and would all but spit at you if you did BAXTER WOULD ACTUALLY CALL YOU DISGUSTING AS WELL... i like to imagine cove would bc yk, i like the parallel, but he wouldn't and he'd prbly go "is that what you think of me?" bc he'd feel like a piece of meat in that situation

tags : Angst (w happy ending for you), Hurt/Comfort, breaking up w baxter, unrequited to requited love, falling out of love w baxter

synopsis : you break up with baxter because you realize you don't love him anymore. then you realize someone else is piquing your interest...

baxter is surprised, but he also expected this...

lately you'd been pulling away, and you've been lost in thought. and he's walked in on you crying a few times and you didn't want to explain to him why.

he feels his blood go cold, and he feels pressure wash over him.. he tries not to cry or choke up when he speaks.

he has to act like a gentleman. he needs to be understanding. he needs to be the strong one because you're sitting on the floor and crying, apologizing and hiding your face in your hands.

your sobs and shaky form hurts him more. he knows it's not your fault. it's his, in all honesty.

he left you so cruelly 5 years ago, and even though you've been together for a year and shared many happy moments with hushed giggles and loving kisses, you couldn't find the same love for him as when you were young.

baxter tries not beat himself up, pushing down his darker minds degrading chorus...

he puts a hand on your head, smoothing his palm over his pants. his palm hurts from digging his nails into it.

tonight is going to be rough. tomorrow will be harder.

"it's okay y/n. we had a good time together right?" baxter smiles. although the thickness of his voice makes you tuck in on yourself more.

he continues soothing you, ignoring the tears in his eyes. "i understand... we're so different now, it's not surprising it didn't work."

baxter's humorless and watery laugh makes you cry more, and you know he's crying now too. "we should stop looking back on the past now." baxter pets your head, trying to milk the last bit of affection from your dying relationship.

he feels like his world is opening up.

you turn your face away and wipe roughly at your tears. you know you look like a mess, but you feel so overwhelmed, and you have enough shame to not want to face baxter.

you finally look up at him, baxter lifting his gaze from his knees to look at you, glazed amber staring back at you. your heart clenches.

even though you don't love him the same way anymore, this kills you all the same.

"i'll... get my stuff tomorrow." you whisper.

cove was torn when you got with baxter.

he's always loved you, and when you still pined for baxter even after that summer, he got accustomed to putting his feelings aside to let your relationship grow.

but now you were sitting on his couch, looking distant at his fish tank.

your eyes were blurred with tears, and it took everything to curl yourself into the corner of the couch.

"y/n?..."

...

cove goes to call out again- "yeah?" you mutter, your words tiny and soft. weak. forced.

"what can i do for you?" cove wanted to gather up all your pain and take it away. so that the only thing left was for you to be happy.

...

you lick your lips, fixing your feet that were sliding off the cushion.

"i don't know. nothing for now." you turn and try to smile. "this is okay for now, i'm sorry for bugging you i..."

you swallow. "i don't wanna be alone right now."

cove comes closer, wrapping his arms around you, hiding your face in his neck. "i don't mind, i'll always be here for you."

it's silent for a long moment, the only sound being the TV cove didn't turn off at your insistence.

less sound meant your thoughts were louder.

you focused on the trickling water of the tank and it suddenly made you aware of how dry you were after crying.

you wrestle your arm free from the blankets and cove's hold, and you feel him watching your every move.

after drinking half the glass, you lean into cove's chest and take in the sound of his heartbeat.

cove is the only thing that keeps your head from spinning and the world from crashing.

you huff. this is frustrating. you're frustrated with everything, mostly with yourself.

"do you... wanna talk now?" cove inquires gently, rambling about how you don't have to but it might help.

you don't say anything for a bit, tracing the waves and lines of cove's tattoo.

"..even though i pined for him for so long..." you start, slowly letting the words come to you. "i thought this was it, i thought i was over him leaving me. but..."

you start to cry, so you sit up to turn around, hiding your face in your hands.

"i spent so long being sad that.."

"i spent so long being angry that.."

"i spent so long being angry then sad and missing him that.."

you swallow, muttering. "that i didn't even realize when i stopped loving him..."

it's quiet. and you don't look up to see if cove heard, but you assume he did since he asks a interesting question...

"then.. why are you so sad? i mean i get it, but..." cove groans, trying to word his thought carefully and correctly.

"i'm sorry.. it just seems like you're upset about something else, too..."

you exhale shakily, despising the tears still pouring from your eyes.

you take in what cove asked, debating what to say before you speak. "i thought this was what i wanted, but now i..." you start crying, overwhelmed.

cove just pulls you back into him, deciding that was enough talking for tonight, and now it was just about cheering you up.

it's been a few months, things are... different. some days are difficult. but most of them are better, just a bit mellow.

it took a bit, but your new apartment finally feels like home, and you can sit in the silence and solitude of it without feeling like your chest is caving in.

at least for today.

you and cove laugh, falling onto your new mattress after finally getting it through the door.

after the giggles die down, you flip over and look at cove. "thanks for helping."

cove turns his head to smile at you, "nah. derek did most the work."

"well, he's not here to receive my 100th thanks, so just take it."

cove laughs heartily.

lately, cove has started to look more handsome. ethereal, in fact. and you can't look away..

"y/n?.."

you hum, looking back at the ceiling. fuck you got caught.

"you're doing it again y'know?"

you whip around to look at cove, who has a smug grin on his face. "what? that's the second time you've said that! what does it even mean?!" you exclaim, slapping cove's chest with the back of your hand.

he laughs joyously, "like you're thinking philosophical thoughts!"

you roll your eyes, "ooo big words there, ocean boy. wouldn't you like to know about my philosopher thoughts." you mock, teasing cove with a grin you don't bother to fight coming across your lips.

"yep." cove pops the 'p', simply agreeing that he wants to know what's on your mind.

you watch each other in silence, and your eyes fall on his lips and he parts them to speak but you beat him to it, muttering lowly and if it wasn't for the emptiness and tranquility around you, he wouldn't have heard it.

"i'm thinking about how pretty you are..."

cove stills, you can hear his breath hitch and he stops breathing for a moment.

you continue, letting the water flow now that you've opened the gates.

"i know you've always had a crush on me, and please don't think i'm playing with you.." you swallow, keeping eye contact so as to will yourself to go on, although the depths of cove's glassy eyes make you flatter a bit.

you curl your fingers into your palms, keeping yourself from petting his cheek.

"at some point i started to.. realize just how much you are there for me. and i.." you lick your lips, "i love you."

cove starts to cry, and to that he sits up to hide his face.

you sit up as well, reaching out to cove's back. you don't know if you should touch him or not...

he cries for a bit. eventually, you do reach out, curling your fingers in the fabric of his shirt. you can't bring yourself to come closer, not sure how to comfort cove or if you even should, but you want him to know you're still here and waiting.

waiting for what? you're not sure.

waiting for him to seek your comfort? waiting for him to reject you? either way, you're waiting, and he turns around when he finally stops the waterworks.

"y-you mean it?" cove chokes, and you nod.

"yeah." you whisper, like any louder approval and it'll come off as half-hearted.

he pauses for a moment, looking at you. searching your gaze and trying to pick your brain apart.

"did you... break up with baxter because you...?" he can't say it, like he's not allowed to. like if he says it, it might shatter.

"love you?" you finish, "no. breaking up with baxter had nothing to do with you or my feelings for you."

"good, good..." cove repeats, sagging a bit in relief. "can i ask you one last question?"

"anything, cove." you assure, antsy to what will come out of his mouth. maybe this is all leading to rejection, but at least he'll know you loved him.

"you aren't saying that because i helped you through your breakup, right?" cove approaches softly. he doesn't mean to offend you, and you take none.

"no!" you lean forward, snatching up cove's hands. "i didn't say it right earlier.. what i meant was, i stopped seeing you as just a friend." you fret a bit, softening as you think about how you see cove now.

"i was hung up on what i couldn't have with baxter, and i know it sounds bad, but once i realized i was living in my head too much and didn't even know what i was feeling until after the fact.."

you intertwine your hands with cove's, looking up at him. "i realized life was so much better than in my head, and there was, is, someone greater than i could ever imagine."

you don't realize it until cove reaches up to wipe some tears from your cheeks. you laugh, "you're crying too, dummy."

cove laughs, holding your hand against his cheek.

"i've been waiting so long to hear you say that." cove cringes, "well... maybe too long. you're so hard to get over, i could never do it..."

cove looks at you with affectionate eyes.

"does this mean..?" you question, a bit egear but holding your horses.

cove laughs and nods. "yeah. i love you too, y/n."

you beam, taking his face in your hands and resting your foreheads together. "we'll take it slow, if it helps."

cove flushes, feeling a bit bold and is flustered by the fact. "not too slow, i've been waiting almost 17 years for this."

cove is the one to close the gap, swallowing your words before you can tease him, laugh, or agree.

you let him, letting cove pull you down to earth again and into him, as he always does.

[modelartist-demri]

NEW ENTRY ON MY BLOG!

On October 29, 1996, Demri passed away of acute intoxication caused by the combined effects of opiate, meprobamate, and butalbital when she was only 27. 

Demri and Layne in the Spring of 1990 by Krista Kay.

Her last few years, since around Thanksgiving 1993, her health began taking a turn for the worse. She told her mother she had been having fevers in excess of a hundred degrees. Austin told Demri the next time it happened, she should go to the hospital. The first of many hospitalizations happened shortly after. “She came in to the hospital for the first time at the end of November of ‘93. She was in until January of ‘94. She got out and was back in in March of ‘94 and at that time put on life support,” Austin recalled. “When she would be in, she would come in to the emergency room. They would admit her up into a medicine floor; then she’d go from the medicine floor to the Intensive Care Unit and life support, and then she wouldn’t die. So she’d go back to the medicine floor – she’d be on IV and antibiotics for a month. This went on and on and on. She had her lungs operated on twice. She had her heart operated on twice [she had a heart valve repaired and another replaced and the pacemaker implanted age 26]. She suffered miserably.” [1]

Jacque: “She was very sick in the end. She’d had open heart surgery and had nerve damage to her feet which were mostly numb. She had no body fat at all, and was cold all the time. Often the car’s heater would be on full blast, even on a nice day, everyone would be sweating and she’d be shivering and wearing a sweater.” [2]

According to Amber Ferrano, Dave Navarro was the one who brought up the endocarditis . They had the doctors check and found it on the back of Demri’s heart valve.

Demri with Dave Navarro ca. 1994 in a medical facility.

Amber Ferrano: “Dave was my go-to person as someone who had kicked to help Layne and Demri when various things came up with them regarding drugs because they had used with him in the past when Jane’s Addiction came through town and now clean. Dave was their inspiration. He was in AA, and though they didn’t believe in AA they loved him, he was non-jugemental and kind. They really wanted to show him they could get clean. Bob Timmins helped too. They thought if lifers could get clean because of him there was hope. 

Dave was the one who brought up the endocarditis, asking if that is what she had. It was the first time we heard of it. All those times in the hospital. They ended up finding it on the back of her heart valve.”

While in the ICU, Austin said Demri was conscious but intubated – she had a tube inserted down her throat to help her breathe, which she despised. She would tell her mother, “I hate being fucking intubated. I can’t talk, and these people come and they ask me these fucking questions, and I can’t fucking talk, and I feel like a fucking fish in a fucking fishbowl.” She communicated by writing on a small blackboard with a piece of chalk. [1]

Despite the multiple hospitalizations and brushes with death, Demri continued using drugs. She had seemingly accepted that her addiction was going to kill her. 

Amber Ferrano: “I brought mortuary books in to Demri at the hospital when Layne got back from New York in April of 1996. I, of course, shocked Demri and said I thought we could go coffin shopping. Of course when Layne got there she told on me. When she first saw them she was balling saying she didn’t want to die. Layne talked about all the issues. I said you have to be clean to fix those issues and they get less and less. The thing with them was people waiting outside their home with drugs as a way to befriend them or mailing it to them. It killed Layne when he got letters about people using. He didn’t write to glorify it, it was cathartic to work his way through it."

Barbara Dearaujo: “She was in and out of the hospital for months at a time before she actually passed away. I would go visit her and she had all the nurses going crazy. She put up all her drawings and flowers all over the walls and did things she wasn’t supposed to do like take off with her IV and go out and smoke. She was a wild child... My heart goes out to her mom. She was a good mother and she tried so hard to help Demri, but Demri was her own woman and she lived in the extreme always. She was a broken child. Grasping for something to relieve some deep pain that no one but her knew.”

One of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Donald John: “I was very close with Demri Parrott, knew her during her last year of life. I met her at the hospital through a friend and became very close to her. I used to visit her a lot while in the hospital, and we had some very deep spiritual conversations about everything, including her relationship with Layne from the start to the end. She even gave me a pair of sunglasses that was his. I used to read books to her and let her borrow a lot of my books, especially art books, to keep her busy. I used to hold her while she cried and watched her while she slept. I used to go outside with her when she wanted to smoke and when she was feeling better to walk, and met her mother. I even got to check out her mother’s home which had a lot of pictures of Demri of her modeling days and stuff. Sometimes on her breaks she would come to my apartment that was like 5 min walk away from the hospital. She would come over and we would do heroin together and paint pictures with my art supplies, sitting Indian style on the floor listening to music. Then when she was released from the hospital she stayed with me for a while in my place and even slept in the same bed with me, we never had sexual relations but were deep friends and something more. She and Layne at the time were pretty much over even though he visited her while in the hospital. Sometimes we would cuddle in bed and she was so skinny. When she would leave to do her errands around town she would sometimes come back with gifts, like one time I got a cool wallet from her and a necklace with an angel on it – at the time I had my first tattoo of an angel on my forearm. When me and Demri first met I was just smoking heroin, then I started shooting and when she found out she was very upset. Time had passed and I saw her frequently. Then I found out about her death.” [2]

The other of the last photos of Demri alive, as far as her mum knew. Demri and her mum Kathleen on September 1996. Kathleen sent this photo to Memories of Demri instagram (no longer exists).

Ryan Kalsbeck:“Demri was staying for a bit with me at my old apartment off 45th and Lake City Way, we had been friends for years by this point but her addiction was sad for me to see. We had long serious conversations about a lot of things. Personal, to say the least. But she always carried her Leather Modeling Portfolio with her everywhere she would go or where she was staying, but she made me promise to please hold on to this portfolio for her and don’t let anyone around it or in it and she would eventually have a solid place to bring it to and for safe keeping. I never let one picture wander off into anyone ever. I promised Demri I would guard it and I knew how important this was to her fading life. She was so afraid of loosing this or someone stealing it, probably swiping rare as f*ck photos of her and Layne, stacks of the two in different vintage clothing. But I had her portfolio in my possession for at least 1 year, and one day like normal she left my apartment and I was still sleeping. Said, ‘I’ll see you at the Off Ramp later tonight.’ I wasn’t surprised to not run into her that night, and this was one of the last times of her disappearing, no one hearing from her for months at a time. But she always popped up at someone’s place eventually. The story is deep, and thick, and personal for me to speak of.”

Terri Brannon: “Last time I saw her, I went over to Carolina Court to say goodbye because I was moving back to Arkansas. I had a very sad feeling when I hugged her. I knew in my heart I’d never see her again. She was so full of life back then. A wild gypsy child. Reminded me of myself many years before. It’s been years and years, but you never forget Demri. She is unforgettable.” [2]

Demri's graveyard at Miller-Woodlawn Memorial Park, Bremerton, Washington, USA 

During her final days, Demri was staying with an older man named Tom, the father of a friend of hers, at his place in Bothell. According to Amber Ferrano, he was a drug dealer, Demri was staying with him because he had klonopin so she wouldn’t have seizures. Demri had lived something of a nomadic existence, staying with different people for periods of a few days to a few weeks at a time. Toward the end of her life, it became very difficult for her to find a place to stay. 

On the afternoon of October 28, 1996, Tom drove Demri into Seattle. She told him she wanted a few things from a Fred Meyer grocery store. When he arrived at the store, Demri was unconscious, and he couldn’t wake her. He went into the store to pick up her things, leaving the car engine running so she wouldn’t get cold. He came out of the store, drove home, and still couldn’t wake her. He left her in the car unconscious so he could do his laundry. He eventually realized something was seriously wrong. 

Demri was eventually brought in to the emergency room at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland at 7:30 P.M. – two and a half hours after she first lost consciousness. Her mother got a phone call from the hospital, telling her Demri was there. 

Kathleen asked the doctors if Demri could hear her. The doctors told her they thought she could. She clutched Demri’s hand and said, “Dem, if you have a choice to stay or to go, you don’t have to stay for me anymore.” During previous hospitalizations, she had always told her to fight, to to survive. This time was different. [1]

Jack Plasky: “The first time I met Layne was when he came by my studio after Demri passed. We hung out for about six or seven hours. We went through Demri’s pictures. We did not talk much, it was more like sharing with me his pain. He was not a rock god that day, just a regular person who wanted to share the loss with each other. We had a very strong bond based on our love and caring for Demri, and her feelings for us. I got a strong true feeling from him when he looked at Demri’s pictures, that life held nothing for him anymore.”

Ariel Layton: “Demri used to spend a lot of time with my girlfriend, Jana. She actually passed away in my friend Tom’s truck. I also ended up couch-surfing at Buddah’s around the same time as Layne shortly after she passed. He had photos of her everywhere, it was very sad.” 

Kathleen Austin: “Derek loved Dem so much and nothing she did would ever change that. He spoke at her funeral, ‘If my sister got on the ferry in Seattle, she knew everyone on the boat by the time it reached Bremerton’.”

Clay: “Demri, it’s been 13 years [March, 2009] since you went to be with Jesus and I still miss you so much sweetie. I’m so glad we got to share all the time with each other before you left us. When we prayed and talked about Heaven and The Lord, it still makes me think about how I look forward to seeing you again and being with you forever. I hope all the world knows you are with Christ now and your faith in Him, so they can have the same hope we shared. I’ll always treasure your Bible your grandma gave me, until we are together again. Love you always, Clay.”

Brochure from Demri’s memorial service, which was held on November 2, 1996. Shared by Marisi Sojit and posted by “Comunidad Alice in Chains Chile” Facebook group. Found via Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

Carolyn Hart Gutierrez: “She was one of the most amazingly trusting, compassionate, openhearted persons I’ve ever known, albeit briefly. We went to the same high school, and she was a friend of my younger sister. I have often thought about her over the years. It broke my heart to hear that she was gone from this Earth. I always imagined that she grew up and became a happy little momma who would teach her children to believe in magic and that if you wish on a star your wish will come true, and to dance in the rain. That’s what I believe. Demri may be gone, but she is never forgotten.” [2]

Krisha Augerot: "She was like the sweetest, cutest, tiny hippie chick – just adorable and gorgeous. Never would I have ever imagined what happened to her happening". 

Mara Whelan: “My dear soul sister, she extracted the truly beautiful parts of my soul and made me unafraid. She brought light into the depths of darkness from within. She loved all my ugliness and glorified my uniqueness.

Demri and I lived together, slept together as sister spoons, hitchhiked all up and down the coast and back and forth to Seattle from Everett a million times. We lived in Seattle together in multiple places. When we didn’t live together, even when the drugs came into play, we never lost each other.

She was the most beautiful soul that ever existed. What I would do to feel her hand in mine again.”

Barbara Dearaujo: “Demri was an artist herself, a model and someone who could always make you laugh. She was the type of person who when she entered a room full of people all eyes would be on her. She sucked the energy from the room and then blasted it back out at you and made you laugh and smile. She was so different than everyone else and everyone knew it who met her. Geeky, funny, caring, talented and unique girl who could of owned the world if she had not got caught up in what was going on around her. She was a star in her own right.”

*All the information has been collected from the "Memories of Demri" document shared on google drive*

Sources cited:

[1] Alice in Chains: The Untold Story by David de Sola

[2] Instagram: memoriesofdemri (no longer exists)

*VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO LITTLE QUEENIES AND MEMORIES OF DEMRI*

Some great Demri sites you MUST check: 

Little Queenies tumblr blog - Demri info

Little Queenies' collection of Demri's photos hosted at Google Photos

Memories of Demri document hosted on Google Drive

Videos of Demri hosted on Google Drive

World of Demri on Instagram

World of Demri substack blog

Demri L. Parrott on facebook

Demri L. Parrott on Instagram

Demri Lara Parrott on Instagram

Demri Parrott Legacy on Instagram

Beautiful Demri Blogspot

[jeonstellate]

selene’s concerto — movement iii

as the sun continued to reign over the horizon, a part of your history repeated itself.

◎༄ jeon wonwoo x gender neutral!reader

◎༄ time travel!au, royal!au, moon lovers: scarlet heart ryeo-inspired!au

◎༄ bulleted list format — 2.5K words

masterlist | s. concerto masterlist | movement iv

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

◎༄ remember when i wrote this, this, & this? yea, me neither. but apparently it’s been ~2 years since, oml. as of rn, there should be two more parts after this. hopefully, they don’t take me another 2 years . . .

◎༄ taglist: @jadesniall (msg me to be added!)

you miraculously reached the jeon household in one piece

of course, that feat isn’t without you making sure you didn’t fracture anything

and also you making sure that there isn’t any evidence on you

bc or else the princes and your fourth cousin would bombard you with questions once you arrive

surprisingly, though, despite the mishap, you are still the first one to set foot on the jeon household

so you told one of the handmaidens there to just come and find you when the lees have arrived

most of the time, when you happen to be the earliest, you seek out prince jungkook or his betrothed

just to bother them, really

but sometimes, you opt to just let time pass by taking a nap at the jeons’ botanical garden

you don’t lie down on the flowers, ofc

(you were taught better than that, js)

rather, you climb a tree and sleep on one of the branches

(just to clarify: it’s one of those trees with a large base and thick branches, like an oak tree or smth)

(the point is, it can support your weight just fine)

not sure if that’s comfortable, but you do it most of the time anw

esp if you’re not that tired to climb one

which was today’s case

tmi but one time you were so tired that you couldn’t climb up a tree and just passed out in the gazebo

since everyone knew your favorite napping spot is up your favorite tree, they assumed they would find you there that time too

but then you weren’t, so they actually had to make an effort to be able to locate you

in the end, they found you thirty-five-ish mins later because you?? somehow?? found?? the most secluded?? part of the?? gazebo??

lmao good times good times

so yea

you slept

and forgot about wtv mishap happened to you today

unbeknownst to you, the princes started gathering little by little while you slept

“where’s [first name]?”

the princes that cared about you the most (read: crown prince joongi and fifth prince seunghoon) arrived last, so they barely started caring about your whereabouts then

“the head maid said they headed to the garden when they arrived,” tenth prince seonwoo informs his eldest brother

“[nickname] must be sleeping then,” prince seunghoon concludes

“who’s [first name]? [nickname]?” a voice asks, prompting everyone present to look at its source

“ah, wonwoo, you’re here,” crown prince recognizes his brother’s presence, “finally after seven years”

“yea,” fourth prince taejoon chimes in, “seven years too long”

“not my fault,” the sixth prince shrugs

“ya! listen to this punk,” third prince exclaims, “he sounds like he didn’t even miss his brothers”

“the border has kept me too occupied,” prince wonwoo defends himself almost nonchalantly, with no remorse in his voice whatsoever

his brothers takes immediately notice of how he didn’t even confirm nor deny prince inyeop’s accusation

but no one bothers to point it out

after all, even if seven years had already passed, their brother still seems to remain the same

the sixth prince — who inherited their father’s cold, fox-like eyes — also conceals any warm emotion he feels to appear more like ice

truthfully, all the princes have that kind of cold intimidation around them

perhaps save for the fifth and seventh prince

and maybe the tenth, too

but the sixth born arguably has one of the strongest

something that only the first born can rival

given that they both got their strengthened aura after years in the battlefield

lowk it’s debatable who has the real strongest cold aura tho, ngl

the first prince had spent more than a decade in total in the battlefield, so he’s def more experienced than the sixth prince

however, according to rumors, prince joongi has gotten “softer” ever since he got married

and no one is really brave enough to confirm it, so

anyway

however

no fight nor battle has managed to take away their affections for their brothers

even if they refuse to admit it

and they both know their brothers well enough to know that they know that they care for them

so, yeah

there’s no really need for the sixth prince to admit it out loud

so the literal translation for his reply to prince inyeop is: “i did miss you guys”

or at least that’s how his brothers heard it

“we missed you, too, hyung-nim,” seventh prince replies on behalf of the rest

“yea,” prince seunghoon adds on, “that’s why you should go fetch [first name] at the garden”

(trust the fifth prince to pass the thing that prolly would’ve been ordered to him otherwise lmao)

prince wonwoo is about to argue, mostly about not knowing who even that is, but he’s easily overpowered by his six brothers

yea

that’s right

he might be a well-decorated warrior, but his skills are subpar when it comes to winning against his brothers

he can’t be good at everything, man

“[first name] should be on one of the trees!” they called after his retreating figure, “if not, look in the gazebo!”

the sixth prince thought it would be more practical to look for [first name] at the gazebo first since it was closer

but he finds no one there, so he figures the person he is looking for is really by the trees

so off he goes

in all honesty, prince wonwoo has no idea who he is supposed to be looking for

but he figures he’d spot that person easily

after all, who else would sleep at the garden??

and sure enough, it didn’t take him that long to spot someone on top of a tree

looking like they’re in an uncomfortable position, but sleeping peacefully nonetheless

frankly, the sixth prince isn’t the one to judge others quickly

especially given that others do that to him too often for his liking

which eventually landed him an unpleasant nickname in the streets

but that’s a story for another time

but it’d be a lie to say that he isn’t literally judging the person on the tree rn

justifiably so, though, bc

who?? in their right mind?? prefers to sleep on top of a tree?? instead of somewhere more comfortable?? and safer??

like, who knows, a guest room?? or even just inside the gazebo?? on the grass??

the jeon household is wide enough to house dozens — if not hundreds — of guests, there’s absolutely no way every single room is already preoccupied atm

esp with his temporary stay, which might’ve prompted some to steer clear from the household

sure, the gazebo might be a hard, concrete surface . . . but at least there are pillows in there??

plus there’s shade there as well . . . so why wasn’t that the main choice for naps?

and as for the grass . . . they can move wherever which way they want?? bc there’s no danger of falling?? and the grass should definitely be softer for the back than the branch is??

sigh, wtv

the person’s peculiar napping spot shouldn’t be his main concern rn

esp since he has no idea how to wake them up without activating the threat of falling

prince wonwoo’s chosen first course of action is to call their name — or at least, the name his brothers addressed the person as

“[first name]? [first name]?”

he unconsciously holds his breath when the person in question stirs in their sleep, suddenly more alert just in case they fall

much to his relief and slight amusement, [first name] doesn’t wake up and fall

so he tries again, this time with a louder voice

when that doesn’t seem to work either, he increased his voice volume again

as in closer to the volume that he commands his troops with

he won’t be surprised if his brothers heard it from where they are tbh

and yet

still nothing

[first name] literally just shifted their position to face away from him

and continued their journey in dreamland

prince wonwoo could’ve sworn he heard his voice echo so it was definitely loud

so how the fck did this person sleep through it??

in that person’s defense, they’re having an intriguing dream

esp since that person happened to be you

aka someone who just got treated like a sack of potatoes earlier by a masked rider

but the prince doesn’t know that

and does he need to?

maybe

maybe not

to him, you’re literally just the person his brothers want him to retrieve

and to you, he is the voice of the man in your dreams

yk the man you kept dreaming about? the one with specs and rolled up sleeves?

(if you need a refresher, here)

yea, him

okay, but really . . . that was kind of . . .

a lie

prince wonwoo’s — although you don’t know that it’s him yet — voice is actually coming through in your dream as a voice over

like an unseen narrator whose only lines are your name

or like a heavenly being who’s urging you to step into the light

either way, it’s unsettling to hear any voice in your dream

especially since it’s a dream you’ve had for a million times already

you basically already know what is supposed to happen, frame by frame

and that voice is definitely new

God???

God, is that you???

in your defense, it’s rlly coming off as someone omnipresent

yes, the voice is strangely matching the timing of the man in your dreams

but the shape of his mouth is definitely not matching the words you’re hearing

so, obviously, that voice can only be God

sure, you might not entirely believe in anything religious but honestly, as someone who somehow managed to travel back in time, you’re willing to think of anything

even if you don’t necessarily believe in it

duh

except . . .

is God allowed to curse?

‘cause you were certainly hearing a colorful language now

mixed with your name, ofc

wait wait wait

what if—

if it isn’t God, but Sa—

Sa—

you wake up with a start.

you’re so startled by the prospect of dreaming of the devil that you

plummet down before you can even remember where you were

rip

you instinctively closed your eyes as you wait your body to hit the ground

however, the pain never comes

and as much as you’re glad you didn’t feel any pain, you’re highly suspicious why you didn’t

so you opened your eyes

just to see something oddly familiar obstructing your view

your eyes shoots up in panic, as you mentally chant

“pleasedon’tbewhoithinkyouare” “pleasedon’tbewhoithinkyouare” “pleasedon’tbewhoithinkyouare” “pleasedon’t—”

unfortunately, no matter how many times you repeated it nor how fast you said it, you didn’t seem to be heard

which is a matter you quickly realized after making eye contact with a familiar masked man

aka the same masked rider that dropped you from a moving horse

aka the person you desperately wished he wasn’t

oh, what luck

the universe really likes you, it seems

please note the sarcasm

“you!” your voice holds so much disdain

“you again,” contrary to your disdain, his voice sounds exhausted, like he can’t believe he’s dealing with you again

excuse him, but you can’t believe you’re dealing with him again, either

if anything, between the two of you, you’re certainly the one who’s against your paths crossing again the most

and, really, no one can even blame you, if ever

esp considering that he did just drop you on the ground unceremoniously

“why are you here!” you can’t even bring yourself to make your exclamation sound like a question, “put me down!”

. . .

. . .

. . .

*facepalm*

clearly, you haven’t learned your lesson the first time

and clearly, this masked man is a little too great at following commands

“why am i here?” you hear him scoff while you try not cuss him out for dropping you. again. “shouldn’t i be the one asking you that?”

“i asked you first”

“why do i need a reason to be in my household?”

at that point, you have successfully used the tree trunk to help yourself stand, but you almost lost your footing the second he said that

thankfully, you’re able to regain it before you looked like a fool in front of him

phew

“what— what did you just say?”

you aren’t rlly sure if you actually wanted him to repeat what he just said, ngl

mostly bc you aren’t sure if you want him to confirm his identity

but oh well

too late now

“this is my household,” he repeats,

“i am prince wonwoo of the jeons, sixth prince of the kingdom, fifth-in-line to the throne”

.

.

.

.

.

meeting the prince who completed the ensemble of the king’s alive sons didn’t change anything in your life

at least that’s what you hoped to say

unfortunately, it isn’t necessarily the case

for one, you gained an “enemy” in the sixth prince

technically, you kind of treat the sixth and the third prince similarly

except your banters with the sixth prince aren’t exactly playful

on hindsight, it’ll be better to assume that you get along far better with the third prince

since, at least, you just tease each other to make your days more interesting

there’s only so much you can do for entertainment in this era yk

however, for the younger prince, there’s a feeling of . . . antagonism, almost

it’s definitely one-sided since you’re most likely the only one who feels that way

since prince wonwoo doesn’t seem to care

but wtv

you can’t just forget he dropped you off a horse

and then proceeded to drop you again that same day when you met for the second time

he hasn’t even apologized for either one, btw

when you tried to confront him about it one time and basically told him to tell you sorry

he just rose one of his eyebrows, scoffed, and then said: “you’re the one who told me to put you down. why should i apologize for doing what you told me to do?”

. . .

. . .

you hate how he had a valid point there

but you won’t admit that to his face

so you just hmph’ed away then and gave up on getting an apology from him from then on

in retaliation, though,

since you can’t have him feeling like he won wtv rivalry this is that you have going on

that he doesn’t seem to be aware of

you decided to never be nice to him

that seems like a reasonable course of action for you, esp given that the sixth prince doesn’t seem bothered by your attitude towards him

even if he’s the only one you don’t seem to like, out of his brothers

so yea

everything seems justified

funnily enough though, even with your personified source of high blood pressure,

you still won’t trade these days for others

esp when you know what the future holds for the royal clan and everyone close to them . . .

*plays ominous music*

[quietwingsinthesky]

(Transmasc-rose) Have you ever heard that they were, at several points during the old who days, going to make the Doctor and the Master brothers? In Planet of Fire the Master says "Won't you show mercy to your own ..." which the director and producer of the episode both said was intended to end with "brother", and in the scrapped reboot they were supposed to be half-brothers.

It seemed relevant to your interests.

u must imagine me kicking my feet and blushing and twirling my hair. 🥰 yeah. yeah, i know.

like. okay first lets get out of the way how fucking funny it would be if they ever backtrack their way into this twist again somehow. the utter chaos that would unleash upon the thoschei section of the fandom. imagine that one anime that just got a cousin reveal after a decade of yaoi but by the magnitude of like 50 years of doctor/master shipping. it would be so funny to me, i wanna peek into that universe.

but like god. god. there is something so appealing to me about this idea of them as star-crossed siblings. it’s the spn fan in me, it makes me insane. what if you grew up next to this boy, your worlds revolve round each other, and then as adults, you can never be that close again, you won’t even call each other siblings anymore. just childhood friends. someone you once thought you knew.

i have not seen Planet of Fire (classic who? i’m assuming. and im now very excited for that episode specifically for um. normal reasons.) but Something about the master being the one to bring it up, to call on a brother’s mercy…… thinks about last of the time lords with canon siblings doctor & master. because something i’ve picked up watching doctor who is just how Certain the doctor is that the master will survive, despite all odds, that he’ll find a way back. (something the master has always proven him right about.) and that’s such a powerfully resonant feeling with having a sibling. imagining a world without them is like imagining a world without air, in my eyes, so of course, if we put the master in the role of the doctor’s brother in this scenario, of course he will survive. wah the way it just slightly changes the framing of all the little things, the way this scenario takes the master’s childish “i win” and twists it as old as a sibling rivalry…

im such a sucker for sibling tragedy, i really am. i know im also the haha incest guy, which can be a component of the tragedy, but i really do fall to pieces for just the pure platonic stuff, too. it’s unreplicable, the intensity of that pain. and then. okay, every time i speculate on timeless child stuff, i preface it with me not having seen it just Knowing the basics and making shit up according to the lore ive gathered BUT. but. if ever there was a storyline that would have benefitted from them being siblings over them being childhood friends turned rivals, i really think it would be that one. because it digs into the core of it, of the lie, the unknown rift between them that drives the master to ruin. and god something about them being adopted siblings (without their knowledge) but the doctor still being stitched deep down into the Master’s bones, the core of them wrapped around the Doctor’s existence. the way it both matters so fucking much that this is the lie their bond is based on, but also how can it matter. how can it matter. when she’s in his blood anyway, she would have been if they’d been born together or like this. (and that he isn’t. or maybe, more accurately, that he thinks he isn’t and never will be.

oh, my soul for a version of this show where the master has been calling the doctor brother/sister/sibling all this time without the doctor reciprocating except very rarely, when they’re at their most emotionally vulnerable together (like the end of time ‘stone cold brilliant’ monologue. sorry. getting distracted.) and then suddenly. the master stops calling her that. like come on, that would be such fucked up foreshadowing, i can’t be the only one who thinks that would work so well. it’s all about the framing, all about the very slightly different context that friends versus siblings gives them to flavor the tragedy. the endpoint may be the same, but the pain is different, does that make sense?

and. and also i think it would be hot if they were. so. you know. there’s that. i’m not going to deny that i’m Like That. im a freak who enjoys when familial obsession spirals beyond control and into a horrible, outcast kind of love. they’re renegade time lords, for fuck’s sake, let them do a little incest for funsies. 🤭 drop a story of them at the academy always being a little too close, always making everyone else uncomfortable because of how inseparable they were. 🤭🤭 let the doctor avoid bringing up how they’re related so they don’t have to explain this shameful thing to their companions only for the master to flaunt it because the doctor wishes they could forget it, stop feeling these things, stop wanting the master. 🤭🥴🤭🥴🤭

to be clear, this is. obviously not something id actually want on the show, or would ever be on there, they’re not gonna put time travel incest on disney+. (hell, i don’t even think the siblings twist is preferable to the dynamic they already have except in the specific scenario it would have created for ttc between them.) but like. its fun for me to think about <3 i love when the doctor is filled with an incalculable amount of shame for their own actions—actions they keep repeating because its the master and the doctor needs them—and the master has fun tormenting them about it. but incest flavored this time :3

(as anytime i think about thoschei incest i Need to plug this anonymous fic that lives rentfree in my brain: connection. its sooooo. 🥴🥴🥴 oh they are gonna make me ill.)

[ragingbullmode]

I'm a baby goth who really wants to get better at makeup and more specifically eyeliner similar to what you do. Do you have any products or tips you reccomend for getting started? I try to look up advice online but it's overwhelming and it's kinda embarrassing to ask for advice irl.. ty in advance if you decide to answer this.

hi !! idk how good my advice will be but ill do my best to answer as well as i can !

as a heads up i freehand everything but i have seen people use the tape method to keep their liner/eyeshadow straight (which is just putting a piece of scotchtape on the side of ur eye where u plan to have a straight area of liner)

i found using water activated liner helped me a Lot when i started doing more graphic looks at the end of last year (since its water activated u can easily just wipe it off with a makeup wipe or wet tissue) but there is a difference in feel when applying it compared to using a liner pen (to me at least) ie the brush length makes it easier for me to do the smaller details as it gives me more control, but once i got a good feel for doing stuff like that it made using the pen easier. water activated is also much better if u plan on more colorful looks; liner pens do come in colors but they dont pop as well or as bright as the water liners.

as for making ur liner symmetrical… not sure how to give the best advice for that 🤔 the way i do it is ill line out one eye with the outline of what i want to do & try to match the other eye best i can. i have shakey hands but ive found planting my elbow on my desk table & my lining hand on my cheek really helps to stabilize myself so my lines come out straight. to straighten out my lines (like if i made one side to thick) ill just wipe a smidge of it with a wet cotton pad with water liners, but when i use a liner thats waterproof i use micellar water or a make up wipe to fix it.

as for my lids i use a mehron skin prep toner (its the only product ive found that works for my Very oily lids, but its definitely not for everyone… stings like SHIT if its in ur eye especially since i am… not supposed to use it for what i have been 😬. adding that bc if i do t use it sometimes the oil will denature the liner & smear it all over my lids lol. on top of that i put foundation & whatever eyeshadow i want on top of that when the foundation is dry enough it wont smear. putting liner over whatever u layered on ur lids is a commitment & a little hard to fix if u want to put the liner on in 1 go which is why i recommend practice & playing around !!

dont be scared about it not looking nice at that start, just start with something simple to get that feel for it so u can work up to what u want 👍

as for products, i got my water inks from bymelolops (latina owned, based in puerto rico !) i bought this liner brush (and a few water inks as well) from gavissi. my eyeshadow is mostly sugarpill (i only buy when its on sale, its a little pricey but worth it) but if ur on more of a budget colourpop has good options. as for liner pens, ive been using the last of my nyx liner, but am looking for a good alternative (loreal supports isr*el) so im unfortunately not much help here as im Also on the look out 😮‍💨

i definitely suggest getting some cheap stuff to play around with !! many places like sephora & ulta also sell small sample sizes of liners so u can get one of those to try out before u commit to something. a lot of what i started with years ago came from the dollar store bc that was all i could afford at the time lolll

[dent-de-leon]

ive been following you for years now (since around when promare came out) and this whole time ive just assumed that mollymauk was the main character of critrole but i was talking to a sibling and they were like yeah hes only in 20eps. that cannot be true. i fully was like yeah mollymauks the main character they drive the plot right right?????

HELP THIS IS SO FUNNY ASKSLG---wait, let me explain--

In the year 2018, I started watching the Campaign 2 livestream from when the very first episode aired. I watched live right up until episode 25--26, the one where they lose Molly? That was the first episode I couldn't watch during the stream, and have never been able to bring myself to watch it since.

So 26 episodes doesn't sound like a whole lot. But each one is usually between four to four and a half hours long--there are even some that go up to six hours, and the longest one clocks in at just a little over seven hours. So you're talking about each episode being like four hours--and they were once a week every week. So by the time episode 26 rolled around, I had been getting super invested in this character over the course of several months. I just now checked a list of the runtime for episodes 1-26, so--if my math is right?? and that's a big if lmao--we're talking about a character that has over 100 and a half hours of screentime in the beginning, which is wild--

So yeah, in the grand scheme of things, it for sure doesn't seem like much. But given the nature of CR, it was definitely more than enough time for me to get attached--though honestly, Taliesin had me hooked on this tiefling from the very first episode, I didn't stand a chance. His whole personality and the little glimpses we got of his backstory just meant so much to me, and I adored that he was bi and genderfluid. He's the kind of character that really draws you into the world; I was so excited to see how he'd change over the course of the story, how his heartfelt relationships with all the other characters would unfold--

Molly's character arc isn't abandoned after 26 episodes either. In fact, he comes back as the final villain of the campaign over 100 episodes later. When the tiefling we know makes his reappearance as the major antagonist Lucien, the whole final arc of the campaign revolves around him and his past with the Mighty Nein. Very much a case of someone haunting the narrative. There's just something I love about how Molly is the one that first brings them all together, and then the entire finale of the campaign ended up leading right back to him and how much he meant to his family.

And then the arc ends with the party finally getting the chance to perform a ritual to resurrect him!! It was a very long wait, but the culmination of everything to do with Molly in the penultimate episode was definitely worth it. There's also all the secondary source materials that add to his character. He's got a prequel comic like the rest of the party. And he's the only one of all the Campaign 2 characters that gets a whole novel of "his" backstory, mainly focused on his life as Lucien. You can even buy a copy of Molly's tarot deck, which is such a fun piece of added lore and depth.

Anyway, I am so sorry I gave you the wrong idea about Molly asjslfjdfhf but he is absolutely the main character in my heart 💜 So much of his character is about how every little moment matters. And even if you don't get to have someone in your life for very long, that time you spent with them will always mean something. Acts of love and kindness are never a waste, even if it doesn't last. He's a character who was loved so much it made him whole, gave him a second chance he thought he'd never get. His story is very melancholy and tragic, but it's also just so bittersweet and cathartic and heartfelt. He is,, my blorbo--

[adamworu]

hii i just wanted to say thank you for the years uve been posting eva and hyper-analyzing the series and kaworu especially .. i found ur blog after watching the series back when the Kaworu Database consisted mostly of soundboards and shit like that and despite my waning interest in the series ive not had the impulse to unfollow u. which is weird for me, because at the ripe age of 26 there’s a lot about nge that doesnt sit right with me anymore.

i got my boyfriend to watch NGE and the rebuilds with me and found myself genuinely ashamed way more than i’d anticipated. the last movie was the nail in the coffin for me specifically because of, let’s face it, the surplus of self-aware asuka fanservice. i was repulsed and denounced my interest in the series entirely. it was difficult to make such a claim because of how important to me the series was (still is, if im being honest) and how pivotal it was to my growth at the time i first watched it.

saw one of your posts on my dash today and went to take a casual look at your blog cuz i was curious as to how you were faring in the sea of eva content after a solid 10 years. looked at one of your posts explaining what nge is at its core and the messages it means to send and How it sends them and found myself falling back into the mindset of “fuck, i missed this shit.”

i appreciate how many years you’ve spent looking at evangelion as a piece of psychological horror, how many years you’ve spent dissecting it under a microscope with 50000x magnification. you’ve been the Only thing that’s brought eva back to the front of my feeble little brain over the past, idk five years or so, and youve now been the reason why i can still appreciate the series despite its flaws. you don’t focus on those flaws and it reads that you do so not because you don’t care, but because they’re obvious and don’t need to be stated. im starting to ramble and im sorry that this ask was long but dming you felt too.. personal despite this message being exactly that.

TL;DR, thank you for analyzing evangelion and kaworu nagisa for many years and singlehandedly reminding me of all the reasons why i enjoyed the series as much as i did when i first watched it. i know your interest in eva is waning, so thank you for what youve given the world over the last 10 years <3

Thank you ever so much! This blog sort of started as a way for me to navigate Eva myself. It's been 10 years and though my passion has fizzled, I still get those visceral feelings of Eva no matter what. It always pulls me in. I still have some of that juice left in me, but mostly I found other source material at the moment I'm highkey obsessed over (I'll give you a hint: cult classic, starts with V, ends with D). It's not all bad. I hope you have a wonderful day :)

[docilepillow]

2024 February Media Post Thingy : Featuring Movies Also

I've never really liked doing editing " do-overs". i think if this was like a normal year with no leaping ( As of starting this post a couple of minutes ago ( 4:51 PM ) , i only just learned that this year was a leap year? Just goes to show how little i pay attention..! But yea, on topic, on topic, i don't look back to edit these kind of thought pieces after i write them, it'd feel odd to do so, ,and january's post was a mile and a half to write , so, after finishing the Big Thing for this year, i'm starting the writing on this on the 28th so i dont have to finish it all in one sitting this time. I'm not sure when i'll drop or pick up on it, and its not like, done Live with the month, so the actual timeline of things won't be completely perfectly accurate, but anyways : the things covered here are in rough sequencial order, mostly focused around New Media i've tried this month, with an added blurb about anything ive revisited this year at the very end. I'll try to add a blurb about everything, but no guarentees. Also, i said i'd have more screenshots to share, but i forgot again. A significant number of games here were also on 3ds which i have no good way to get screenshots for. planning is hard This month was heavily characterized by the absolutely wonderful time i had for my birthday and the days surrounding it, because wow, am i in love with my boyfriend! after many, many months spent long distance, i'm extremely glad to say that the first few days of this month were absolutely heavenly, and i do absolutely "get" all the lovey dovey emotional stuff that surrounds it. While he was over, we got to watch a whole bunch of different movies and such, and most of the video game focus was directed towards one big game, being God Of War Ragnarok, which is an absolute behemoth of a triple a game and also one aattached to the very sentimental god of war that i've also shared with him in the past ( they're some of his favorite games of all time, and he's especially knowledge on Norse stuff, so it's cute to listen to him ramble about it whenever actual mythology stuff comes up. Its absolutely adorable the way his voice lights up..! ) So, you'd expect the first piece of media i got through this month would be God of War Ragnarok, after all the time i've spent hyping it up already, while it's still fresh in my mind as of typing, And i'm on a massive, sentimental tangent on it, But...! TRUMP VS ILLUMINATI < Least Romantic Movie I've Personally Made Out With Someone Over >

theres not all that much to say on this movie as the title'd show, actually, and, obviously, the movie's a complete joke, through and through ( the titular protagonist isn't even the real deal, he's just a clone of the guy who lives on mars for whatever reason as the last human alive (?) ); and it's so ameturishly put together that i'm almost certain the entire scripting process of it was put together by looking at the title of the movie and quipping in a discord call brainstorming for a couple of hours, but it's absolutely great for virgining couples beccause you'll want to watch the movie for a bit, a bit that's been going on for i want to say little over three quarters of a year, but then, when you actually get to watching, it, you'lll both decide unilaterally to make out sloppy style instead of watching the movie, wow!

by the way, most of the movie is just weird little stock models talking at each other for what i rememeber being 50 or so minutes. i dont tihnk this is a good movie buut i thought itd be funny to bring up because in a shirtless daze after watching it i had the mortifying realization that this shitty movie was gonna be on the top of my media diary if i chose to go through with it . so here it is ! ! ! CATS & DOGS < tulpa movie >

idk what to blurb about this movie i think its entertainment value comes from the varied" WHAT DOES THIS IMPLYYY " moments in the movie and how like

excessively silly it is im not sure if it was this movie in particular but i have a very specific anecdote of this movie as a child before my parents divorce where i was actually Forced to watch it for some reason with my dad and with an anecdote like that the only thing i can think to say about it is that i think i actually enjoyed it more then Wonka theres some puppetry with the cat villain in this movie thats actually pretty endearing actually. its a decently entertaining spy movie. DOCTOR STRANGE

not having a title for this one isnt like reverence or anything i still watched this with my boyfriend in our little place and it was very enjoyable, and, in particualr, this was actually the first movie i watched of this list that i actually wanted to seek out to watch, actually! i've never been an mcu guy ( And, if you expect my movie reviews to professionalize, with like, research on the actors anything, you're dead wrong, i think , also. i think when it comes to assosiating characters with their actors or whatever celebrity or director or whatever, i just. .dont do that. i can see why normal people do but i dont have that built into me. so if i refer to a character it'll be for their character. ) i think this is a good movie i think this is a neat movie i think this a very pretty movie and i like mister stranges arch alot and i think it was really well characterized and enjoyable and id watch this movie again sometime maybe. im not a live action head but i think this movie just looks cool and is well presented in general. i think as an asshole mister strange is very watchable which is unusal for me cus i wince whenever characters do a thing thats like regrettable like noooo dont do that like an autistic weirdo but that wasnt really a problem with me for this movie i think its cool how this prick gets grounded by the fantastical shit in the movie and i think his little mini arch over the movie really stands out as a good character piece. thats all i have to say about it as someone who doesnt super hero movie this movie movies really good and stands on its own. i think its cool. i think this is a very enjoyable movie. i think people should watch it if theyre on the fence on it beingg mcu bc i dont think its like thoose other movies at all. im repeating myself. w/e Alot of early febuaary is characterized by movies bc i want to make it clear that the main game i played in that arch of time was God of War, and there were very much Not Media things that were more pressing for my time. lol VIDEO GAMES!!!! VIDEOVERSE < Most Heartwarming Eboy Game >

the docism i picked for this game sounds demeaning but thhis game is absolutely worth i think everyones time and if theres a game from febuary i'd make as a general reccomendation to my friends, it'd be this one, i think! it's an absolutely heartwarming narrative about an early 2000s era internet community that's being shut down, and its very resonant to at least Me, as a wii u / 3ds era fan

though it kinda melds that kinda stuff with a more early internet aestetic , which i think the combo works Really Well in terms of like vibe alone. the game is very naked with how it presents an early internet community and id describe it as being like hypnospace outlaw but without you the player being in the seat of like an internet moderator. Like you can moderate in the game a little bit but it's much less of a focus compared to the being in a game community with your friend aspect

this games a very well executed narrative about this emmet guy ( in the image above this one, he's on the far left of the screen ) and playing it as the first non GOW game of the week was definitely a choice i made that made me kinda sappy and clingy ( since its very much about the internet anxiety of losing a bunch of friends you care about due to dumb internet social media crap, which feels pretty well timed with this whole tumblr drama going on. also, as someone in a long distance relationship, the romance thing in this game also is pretty relatable in parts )

idk! its a very short game. i played it on deck and it was a very short but sweet pair of game sessions. i think if u like what you see here i reccomend giving it a shot if you're looking for a visual novel . ithink it is cute. if you like cute things this game is for Cute PRINCESS REMEDY IN A WORLD OF HURT < cute em' up where nobody has to die ! >

i actually falsely appraised this as gameboy color style when its supposed to be dos evokative. i knew i was missing something.

this is a free top down shmup game from steam about a cute healer girl! the game has really cute writing and is about an hour long. i think the writing makes it worth giving a try if you have an afternoon! the final boss is litearlly a guy with Every Disease that also has a refrence to ff6, so me being charmed by this game was kind of a given. Oops! I think more people should look at this game! it's worth it !

also, since everyone in the world of hurt has some kind of injury for you to remedy, some of the ones that get picked out are pretty amusing, also. its usually structured around " heres the problem with me " dialogue and " thank goodness im better " dialogue. this game is also for the gays because u can marry whoever you want after the credits. Yay! SUPER MONKEY BALL 3D < worst game icon ive ever seen for a video game award >

the games just kind of mediocre and the only reason i downloaded it is bc it was on 3ds and i just want to point out the games icon is Just a low resolution picture of ai ais face on a white bg. i think thats funny but the games so easy that thats pretty much the only novelty you'll extract of it if youre a monkey ball fan. oops .

something like this ive spent longer trying to find this games home menu icon then thinking about the game after playing it sorry i dodnt think this game is worth that just kind of sad

MEGAMAN XTREME

no reverence for this either pretty much all the games thatre gonna be talked about thatre on 3ds were just me looking through hshop slightly interested in something to do while waiting for my bf to wake up for more gow

all i can really say is that this game is a gameboy demake of the x games thats just slightly worse and going in with that expectation is correct but also its just Really annoying sometimes is very much a game where the levels are short and easy and the boss fights are kind of choppily designed and difficult and i think finishing this game was kind of more of an act of stubbornness then anything. theres this one boss second to last from sigma thats just killing this boss that spams 4 nearly undodgable spammy fast projectiles while you're on two tiny platforms over death spikes and i think that kind of speaks for how much id reccomend this ( not at all ) i think this is the angriest ive been at a game in a bit actually remembering it . i think i said a funny misnomer about it but i dont remember. something about this contributing to why mega man fucking died or something. im realizing i didnt actually consume alot of good media this month took a break writing this on leap day and umm FIRE EMBLEM WARRIORS ( The 3ds version ) < POPCORN VIDEO GAME >

as someone whose never played a dynasty warriors type game this was actually a little less boring then i was expecting it ? you'd assume picking the switch or wii u version would be more ideal, but, as someone whose favorite console is the 3ds , and considering it'd take less time to download to my system, i ended up picking this version. it actually runs pretty well and my only real complaint is that the character i wanted to play as is thuroughly stuck into the post game ( Celica from FE echoes ).

functionally this is kind of just a game that exists to be a stim device while you're in like a voice call or something but at that its pretty good from what ive played. used minerva for most of it and it wasnt too hard but not especially annoying either. its okay. i never got to unlock celica though ( bummed out ) and its not bad at all for somemthing i pretty much only played to pass the time between when my BF was awake to watch me play god of war, which it succeeded at. ive played every FE naturally available on the 3ds. TOM AND JERRY WILL WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

huh what happened howd this happen

guh MARIO MAKER 3DS

game i actually owned legitimately that i forgot i did. technically since the games are going down in a month from now this is my way on reminicing on Maker in general , but i mostly just reflected back on itt as a cute wii u memory and that cute packet that comes boxed with the game. the 100 or so challenge levels in this are neat but not Especially special. kind of existed to pad out the games i've tried and finished this year so far to an even 15. its not bad or anything, it did remind me of a few interactions i didnt know about before. maybe sometime before maker 2 goes down ill finish making that super world i started on when the game was new... putting all my thoughts togetherrrrr GOD OF WAR RAGNAROK

Igod of war ragnarok is pretty cool. for context, im pretty sure the first game of the i wanna say ps4 " duo " of norse GOW games are the two video games that both started me on my ps4 journey recently and got me and my boyfriend together? which i think is very sweet its also very unexpected cus other then being a soft mythology nut i dont see how id get into these kinds of games naturally, considering i'm less genre savvy when it comes to i guess " modern-style " story focused 3d adventures. Considering i'm a nintendo head, these could count as some of the only super duper gamerhead games i've ever played? though i don't know if it means anything when i say that . i think this game definitely needs the groundwork of the first gow to stand up, but, thats not a bad thing, its a very well thought out start to end NARRATIVE, and its a really good one at that. lots of well thought out character interactions and setpieces,a friend of mine described it as a universal ride-style game , and , in terms of linearity, it kind of IS that, but in like the most postive way i can think of in terms of the kinds of games i play , this is probably the drop-dead most prettiest game i've ever looked at from start to finish ( When it comes to detail and realism, i mean. .i think its very pretty to just look at the environments n stuff ) god of war ragnarok is pretty cool. for context, im pretty sure the first game of the i wanna say ps4 " duo " of norse GOW games are the two video games that both started me on my ps4 journey recently and got me and my boyfriend together? which i think is very sweet its also very unexpected cus other then being a soft mythology nut i dont see how id get into these kinds of games naturally, considering i'm less genre savvy when it comes to i guess " modern-style " story focused 3d adventures. Considering i'm a nintendo head, these could count as some of the only super duper gamerhead games i've ever played? though i don't know if it means anything when i say that . i think this game definitely needs the groundwork of the first gow to stand up, but, thats not a bad thing, its a very well thought out start to end NARRATIVE, and its a really good one at that. lots of well thought out character interactions and setpieces,a friend of mine described it as a universal ride-style game , and , in terms of linearity, it kind of IS that, but in like the most postive way i can think of in terms of the kinds of games i play , this is probably the drop-dead most prettiest game i've ever looked at from start to finish ( When it comes to detail and realism, i mean. .i think its very pretty to just look at the environments n stuff ) ( I have screenshots of the game on my ps4, but as i'm a day late to uploading this in the first place, i'm too lazy to both fetch them with my capture card and upload them to an image sharing site, so here's a picture of Jalla, a cute cow critter you get to ride in the game thaat made me very happy . )

I've heard of games that take up entire segments of people's lives for months , and while i've played lots of " longer " games, gow despite being shorter then something like SMT 4 is definitely one of the first games i've played thats been defined like that to me. i dont wanna say too much on the plot because i think these games are worth playing back to back on their own merits, though for me the experience definitely was raised above by , you know, sharing it with the love of my life, haha. its very cute to listen to someone visibly light up when talking about a game and its definitely my boyfriends infectiousness for the game that motivated me to keep coming back to it and dig for all the little details, even if i play 3d games like this like a game's journalist.... but yea god of war is really good i dont want to spoil anything on it but even if you haavent played the past games but have a ps4 and an appreciation for storytelling, i'd definitely reccomend it. Surprisingly cozy, heartfelt story on parenting and war and lingering regret n junk. also i like mimir alot hes silly and brok theres alot of characters in this i like alot

if you know you know TERMINATOR 2

oh yea i watched terminator 2 also very gripping very cool top moms in media for sure i can see why this is a classic movie it abosluely rocks and i was technically present for the voice call where they watched the first movie but i wasnt paying attention to it at all whoops thats technically the last of the new media i did but i also tried out a pokemon X nuzlocke and i replayed king of cards which was really fun and i remembered how much i liked madam meeber

the nuzlocke was a disaster but i actually did do it so winner

im sure there was other stuff too but im tired of typing and i forgot CLICKING SEND!!!!!

[ghuleh-witch]

And We Are Tied As One Eternally

Fandom: Ghost Rating: Explicit Warnings: (For Future Chapters) NSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, p in v sex, oral sex, mentions of past abuse and domestic violence, references to suicide Relationships: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia x OFC Characters: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia, OFC Additional Tags: soft!dom Copia, eventual smut, developing relationship, no beta reader Chapter Word Count: 3720 Summary: Ellie Moran just wanted to make a new life for herself. Running to escape the people in her past, she ends up in a small town in the middle of nowhere that happens to be home to a Satanic church. She never expected her life to change again after she started attending the public masses at said church.

Ao3

Chapters: 1/?

Chapter One

“How do you even dress for mass at a Satanic church?” Ellie Moran said to herself as she stared into her closet. She wasn’t even sure why she was going to begin with. Ever since she saw a grown man in the coffee shop throw a fit over a flyer for the Ministry of Ghost, a Satantic church located on the outskirts of town, she’d been curious. The flyer was advertising public mass times for the next month. After watching the middle-aged man crinkle the flyer up and toss it in the trash, Ellie retrieved it and took it home. It was now lying on her vanity as smoothed out as she could make it. 

If the church was causing such an uproar among the locals, Ellie knew she had to see what it was all about.

It had been two months since she moved to this new town—two months since she flipped her life upside down to be herself, live how she wanted to live, and finally escape. It had been two very long and lonely months though. Besides her job at the small bookstore on the corner of her street, she didn’t leave her apartment. There wasn’t much to do in the town, and the organizations she checked out, such as the women’s club, were filled with overly chipper, old women who would sneer at the tattoos that covered her arm. Ellie never intended to move to such a small town. She only moved there because it was the last place anyone would think to look for her.

She felt pathetic. At 30 years old she was starting over completely. She had no friends, no significant other, no degree or skills, and was working at a bookstore barely making enough to get by. 

Ellie pulled a black skater dress out of her closet and looked it over, deciding if it was appropriate to wear to a church service. “It’s a satanic church, I don’t think they’re going to care what I wear,” she said to herself and shrugged, grabbing a dark green cardigan to wear over it. “Good enough” She slipped her feet into a pair of combat boots and looked in the mirror to finish her makeup and hair. She squeezed some mousse into the palm of her hand and scrunched it into her shoulder-length, dark blonde hair to help bring out her natural waves. She fixed her eyeliner and put on her favorite necklace; a pointed, wire-wrapped black tourmaline crystal before grabbing her bag and her car keys. 

Her ancient Ford Focus sat mostly unused behind her apartment building, and thankfully, after surviving the drive across the country, it got her up to the church in one piece. She parked in the visitors’ lot and walked up the stoned pathway to the entrance. The church was huge and made of stone. Ellie knew at one point it must have been a Christian church. She could see faint outlines of crosses that used to be displayed on the building that were replaced with inverted crucifixes and pentagrams. 

At the entrance there was a person, Ellie thought they might be a man but she couldn’t be sure, dressed all in black with something that looked like a modified gas mask with little horns on their head. 

“Visitor?” They asked when Ellie approached.

“Er-Yea-I saw the flyer—”

“Straight down the hall, the large black doors on the left. Can’t miss it,” they said in a bored voice.

“Thanks,” Ellie said, entering into the building. She was in awe at all the marble and stained glass. There was so much natural light in the atrium and it created a warm and welcoming environment. It was beautiful and not what she was expecting. She had a vision of walking into some stifling hot building with black drapes all around and only candlelight to see by. 

She found the door the person at the front told her to look for and went through. Inside was the sanctuary. It wasn’t as big as the ones she’d seen in Catholic churches, but it was just as beautiful. Stained glass windows lined the room and dark-stained pews sat among stone columns facing the pulpit. The room was mostly filled with men in black monk robes and women in black habits. There were less than a dozen people in street clothes like she was. 

Ellie took a seat at the end of a pew in the back of the sanctuary. She wrung her fingers nervously as she looked around at everyone talking to one another. Once the sound of an organ filled the room, everyone began to quiet down. A procession of people entered the room from a side door near the front of the space. They were dressed in red and black robes and looked like the pictures of cardinals she’d seen at the Vatican. They took seats in the front two pews.

After the cardinals, three older men in nice suits and black and white skull paint enter followed by a woman in a dark gray skirt and blazer. Behind her, an elderly man with skull paint, a walker, and an oxygen tank was escorted into the room by a woman in a habit. The five of them took seats in the chairs that lined one of the side walls and the woman took a place in a nearby pew. 

The organ music died down and another man with black and white skull paint on his face entered. He was dressed in immaculate black robes with a golden “IV” encircled in a starburst pattern on his chest. He wore a black stole with gold skulls running down its length and the mitre on his head was shaped in what looked like bat wings. His eyes, one of them a brilliant white, scanned the sanctuary, giving little nods to people he seemed to know sitting in the pews, and then his eyes settled on her. 

She couldn’t take her eyes off his. It felt like he was staring right into the dark, deep depths of her soul. It was like a wave of electricity washed over her, making her sit up straight under his gaze. She could have sworn the faintest smirk formed on his lips before he turned his attention from her and back to the crowd as a whole. 

Ellie didn’t know what was said during the sermon. She couldn’t help but stare at the man she now knew as Papa Emeritus IV after he introduced himself to the new people in the sanctuary. She stood whenever everyone else stood, kneeled when they all kneeled and attempted to sing the hymns that were sung. Then it was time for communion. Ellie stayed seated while everyone got in line. She watched as one by one people walked up to Papa, knelt in front of him as he said a few words and placed a communion wafer in their mouth, and then took a sip of wine from a goblet being held by one of the men in the nice suits before Papa made the sign of the inverted cross and they returned to their seat.

She noticed more than once his eyes flicked to her, and Ellie couldn’t help but squirm in her seat as though she had just gotten in trouble. Was she supposed to be standing in line with everyone else? She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to take communion. She wasn’t a member of the church and she wasn’t sure if she needed to do anything beforehand to be able to take communion. In the Baptist church she grew up in, one couldn’t take communion until they accepted Jesus as their savior and became a church member. Did she need to believe in Satan and be a member of the church to take communion here?

Once communion finished and the closing words said, the woman in the gray suit stood and invited everyone to join them for a potluck lunch in the refectory. Ellie wasn’t planning on staying, but when her stomach growled, she followed a group of women across the hall to the refectory. She wasn’t going to turn down free food when all she had in her apartment was a box of cereal and a few packs of ramen. While everyone mingled with their plates of food, Ellie stood along the wall finishing up a small turkey and cheese slider. She tossed her paper plate in the trash and watched as everyone talked and laughed, feeling incredibly left out.

Just go up to someone and introduce yourself , she told herself. You’ll never make friends if you’re standing here like an idiot.

“You didn’t take communion.”

Ellie jumped a little, startled by the accented voice coming from beside her. She turned and saw the Papa Emeritus IV himself standing there. He was still dressed in the same black robes he wore during the service. He was mirte-less now and she could see his mousy brown hair, peppered with the lightest touches of gray. She thought he looked handsome and wondered what he looked like without the paint on his face. 

“I didn’t know if I was allowed to,” Ellie said, feeling his eyes stare into her gray ones once more. “I-uh-I’ve never been here before.”

“ Sí , I know,” he replied, holding out a hand to her. “Papa Emeritus the fourth, head of the clergy. And for future reference, anyone can take communion here. Eh, it’s more of a mockery of the Christian communion than anything of significance. What is your name, cara ?” 

“Ellie Moran,” she said, shaking his gloved hand, the leather warm and soft against her palm. She thought she saw something in his eyes light up when she said her name.

“And what brings you to our ministry, Ellie?”

“Curiosity,” she answered honestly. “I saw someone throwing a fit over your flyer posted in the coffee shop, and well, I got curious. I’m new to the area and haven’t…found a place I fit in yet.” She thought she sounded so pathetic as she talked and wished she never said anything.

“How long have you lived here?” Papa asked with interest. 

“Only two months,” she said.

“And how do you like it?”

Ellie shrugged. “It’s fine,” she answered. “The town is boring but it’s better than where I was.”

Papa was about to say something when the woman in the gray skirt and blazer approached him. “Cardi, we need to talk,” she said, seeming to not notice Ellie. 

“Okie dokie, sister,” Papa responded before looking back to Ellie. “I’m sorry to leave you. Perhaps you will come to our next mass?”

Ellie nodded and watched him walk away with the woman and felt very alone again. Frowning, she slipped out of the dining hall and made her way back to the front entrance and her car, cursing herself that she didn’t talk to anyone else. 

As she drove back into town and to her apartment and promised herself she’d go to mass again and next time, she’d talk to someone.  XXX

Copia returned to the refectory a few minutes after Sister Imperator pulled him aside to talk to him about his sermon. His eyes scanned the room looking for Ellie. He frowned when he didn’t see her and turned to the ghoul standing near the door. “Did the woman in the green sweater leave?” He asked Aether.

“She did,” Aether answered. “A few minutes ago. She looked…sad.”

“Hmmm, thank you, Aether,” Copia said turning back to the rest of the people in the refectory. He had noticed her in the sanctuary sitting by herself in the back. His first thought was that she was striking. There was something about her that captured his attention and wanted to get to know her more. It was almost as if he was being drawn to her by an unseen force. He was a bit disappointed to find that she left already, not that he was expecting her to be waiting for him to come back. He hoped that she would come to the next mass. Next time he’d get to know her better.  XXX

A few days later, Ellie was staring at the Satanic Bible on the bookshelf at her work. She didn’t often get to stock books in the spirituality section, but today she got to and the book caught her eye. She thought back on the mass she had attended just three days prior. She couldn’t remember what Papa was speaking about, but she could remember how he looked at her and how kind he seemed to be when she spoke to him briefly afterward. 

But those eyes, she couldn’t get those eyes out of her head.

She stocked the books on Celtic Paganism in her arms and turned back to the Satanic Bible. She picked it up and flipped through it; it couldn’t hurt to learn something before she went to mass again that weekend.

“If it were my choice, I’d burn this whole section.”

Ellie turned to see her supervisor standing there with a stack of Bibles on the cart he was pushing. Charles was a larger man with a ruddy face and balding head. Ellie didn’t care for him. He constantly talked about his hunting trips and how his wife was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He could be an asshole at times and often stuck her with the shittiest tasks in the store, and because she was a people pleaser, just never complained and just did as she was told.

“Oh?” Ellie said. 

“Freedom of religion is a joke in this country. This isn’t religion. This is evil, satanic bullshit,” he said glaring at the books. “But I don’t own the store so I don’t get a say in what’s stocked here. Maybe one day.” He pushed the cart passed her into the next aisle to stock the Bibles leaving Ellie standing there with a frown on her face. 

Later that evening, she sat on her ugly burnt orange couch with her laptop open on her lap. She spent the last hour scouring the internet for information on the Ministry of Ghost. There wasn’t a whole lot. Their website looked like something that came out of the early internet in 1999, but there was a link to a YouTube channel entitled Ghost. 

There were music videos and videos from concerts on the page of a band performing metal and rock songs. Ellie fell down a rabbit hole from there and learned that Ghost was a side project of the Ministry to help spread their message. Over the years they’ve been active, they were led by a few different men, the previous Papas, and their band of ghouls. The music was good, and Ellie ended up adding a few songs to her Spotify playlist. She then saw the videos of Papa Emeritus IV when he was still just a cardinal. 

“Holy shit,” Ellie muttered as she watched him perform on stage while wearing a red cassock. The man could sing, she gave him that much, but the way he moved enthralled her. She even saw a video of his ascension from cardinal to Papa. At one point she thought she was drooling on her keyboard. There was no way that the man in the video and the one she met over the weekend were the same person. She had to snap her laptop shut because she didn’t think it was right to be lusting after what was the equivalent of the pope, even if he was satanic. 

XXX

The next public mass was two weeks later, and Ellie was the first of the visitors to get there. She was dressed in a similar outfit as before; same black dress and boots, but she switched out her green cardigan for a blue one. She nodded to the man in the modified gas mask at the door and made her way to the sanctuary. As she stood in the doorway, she scanned the room, determined to sit by someone she could talk to. When she saw a woman in a habit sitting alone near the front, Ellie made her way to her. She stood at the end of the pew and cleared her throat a little.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Ellie asked when the woman looked over to her.

The woman smiled and patted the seat next to her. “Please,” she said. She had dark brown bangs poking out from her veil and bright hazel eyes. “I’m Sister Gemma, but please, just call me Gemma. No need for formalities.”

“Ellie,” Ellie said sliding into the pew. 

“First time here?”

“Second. I came to the last public mass a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Oooo,” Gemma cooed. “You’re the first second-timer we’ve had in a while. Most visitors don’t come back after their times time. You thinking about joining?”

“I don’t know,” Ellie answered truthfully. She hadn’t really thought about it. She agreed with the tenets of santanism, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to join the church just yet. “I don’t have to become a nun, do I? Are you a nun? I’m sorry I don’t know all the terminology.” She became flustered and hoped she wasn’t making too much of a fool of herself. 

Gemma smiled kindly. “You’re fine. And yea, I’m kinda like a nun. The brothers and sisters here are called the Siblings of Din. And no, you don’t have to become a Sibling to join the church. There are a couple of non-sibling members here. Papa Terzo even had a townie for an assistant for a while.”

“Papa Terzo?” Ellie asked. She knew there were other Papas but she never heard the name before.

“Papa Emeritus the third. He was Papa Copia’s predecessor. It’s easier to say Papa and then their name instead of their whole title. It becomes a mouthful.”

Copia , Ellie thought, liking the sound of his name. She cleared her throat before speaking. “What would I have to do to join?”

“You’d need a sponsor. Everyone who is considering joining the ministry needs to be sponsored by an established member. We act as guides and teachers to help prepare you for membership here. If you consider joining, I’d love to be your sponsor. I have a good feeling about you.” 

“I’ll thank about it,” Ellie said earnestly.

Gemma grinned. “I’ll give you my number after mass and you can let me know.”

Just as Ellie was about to say something else, the organ music started once more. Ellie watched the same procession of people enter the sanctuary, and when Copia stepped into the space, she saw his eyes search the sanctuary. His eyes found hers after a moment and his lips curved upward slightly, giving her a small nod of acknowledgment. 

Ellie found herself smiling in return. She felt Gemma nudge her and saw the other woman had a look of delight on her face.

The service was very similar to the first one Ellie attended. The only difference this time was Gemma was whispering to her, explaining some of the things Copia was talking. Ellie tried to pay more attention this time, but she still found herself focused on Copia. He made her curious and she wanted to get to know who he was. She thought it was strange that she had these feelings. She never felt like this toward anyone before.

When it was once again time for communion, Gemma grabbed Ellie’s hand and pulled her into the line. Ellie remembered what Copia told her last time—that anyone could take communion, and it made her feel less nervous 

“You don’t need to commit to anything.,” Gemma told Ellie. “Papa will say a little prayer in Latin as he puts the wafer in your mouth and you’ll say nema before you eat it and he does the sign of the inverted cross. Then Papa Terzo will offer you the chalice of wine to drink from. Same thing, he’ll say a quick prayer in Latin, you drink and say nema, and he makes the sign of the inverted cross. Then you stand and go back to your seat. Easy as pie.” 

She stood behind Gemma and slowly moved as the line pushed forward. When Ellie realized she was next, she suddenly felt nervous. When she stepped up in front of Copia, he smiled.

“Glad to see you back, cara ,” he said.

She lowered herself to her kneels in front of him and tilted her head upward to look at him. She thought he suddenly looked as nervous as she felt, but then he was holding a communion wafer in his fingers and looking just as calm as before. He lowered his arm to serve her the wafer as he began saying something in Latin. 

Ellie opened her mouth and he gently placed it on her tongue. Ellie had the desire to close her lips around the leather of his gloved fingers but kept herself from doing so. She swallowed the wafer. “Nema,” she said. She watched him make an inverted cross with his hands before taking a step to the side to allow one of the men in skull paint and a suit to step up to her. 

“You’re a pretty thing,” Terzo said as he looked down at her with a smirk. He offered her the chalice and titled it for her to drink from. “That’s it, tesoro,” he cooed before saying his prayer in Latin. 

“Nema,” Ellie replied after swallowing the sip of wine.

After he made the sign of the inverted cross Ellie stood and went back to her seat. “I think he was flirting with me,” she whispered to Gemma.

“Who?” Gemma asked with interest.

“Papa Terzo,” Ellie answered. 

“Oh. He flirts with everyone. And I mean everyone,” Gemma said. “Why did it make you uncomfortable? If you tell him he won’t do it again.” 

“No, it’s fine. I didn’t mind. I just wasn’t expecting it,” Ellie shrugged.

“I’m sorry I should have warned you,” Gemma responded. “You staying for the luncheon?”

Ellie thought it over for a second. She was enjoying Gemma’s company, and if Ellie stayed she could continue getting to know Gemma and maybe meet some other people.

And also maybe she’d get to talk to Copia again.

Translations:

Sí-yes Cara-dear/darling tesoro-treasure