#i present to u: what got me to finish my thesis

[sukugo]

baby boy u are my everything

16:9 ver so u can use it as a wallpaper :D

[terrainofheartfelt]

Do u have any book and movie recommendations?

sooooo many. you might regret asking.

I love books very very much, just in case you didn't know, so let me fire off at random some of my all time faves with and without blurbs.

poetry: Devotions, Mary Oliver | No Matter the Wreckage, Sarah Kay | Leaves of Grass, Whitman | Post Colonial Love Poem, Natalie Diaz

nonfiction:

My Life in France, Julia Child --- her memoir of moving to France with her husband post WWII and her discovery of cooking and deciding to write her cookbook and it's so charming and so her and it's just a delight

Open Me Carefully, Emily Dickinson --- a chronological collection of letters, poems, and letter-poems Emily sent to her lover sister-in-law Susan Dickinson. it's intimate, playful, kind, passionate, and the editors do a great job of putting it all together. and you read it and just know that you are only skimming the surface of the deep love these two women had for each other i gotta lie down

What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, Kristin Newman --- funny sexy travel memoir by a TV writer who spent her hiatus months in the aughts summers by traveling solo and having whirlwind romances and also her reconciliation between being the woman who can't be tied down but also wanting to build a life with a partner.

The Real Traviata, Rene Weis --- an opera book because me. a biography about Marie Duplessis, the French woman who inspired Dumas to write La Dame aux Camellias and therefore Verdi's Traviata and THEREFORE Baz Luhrman's Moulin Rouge. she had by the most objective accounts a difficult and short life full of fear and illness and abuse but also full of strength and color and love and I found it really moving.

fiction: aka the novels I am thinking most about right now.

House of the Spirits, Isabel Allende --- an all time favorite. a historical, multigenerational epic that left me staring at the ceiling after finishing it. and cemented Allende's place as one of my fave authors

The Sentence, Louise Erdrich --- it's about ghosts and independent bookstores and indigenous women and community and love and trust and the pandemic. great novel.

Sex and Vanity, Kevin Kwan --- people are always looking for who they should crown the modern Jane Austen, and it's him. it's kevin kwan. this is a modern remix of A Room with a View and it is funny and sexy and sweet and was a delight to read.

Beautiful World, Where Are You, Sally Rooney --- my favorite of hers. I love how the chapters of story are interspersed with emails between the two leads. yes there's romance, but the real center of this story is the friendship between the two women.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong --- entirely lives up to the tumblr hype. possibly exceeds the tumblr hype. I told my best friend to read this book. which she did. then scolded me because while she agrees it's beautiful it's also so heartbreaking. truly some of the most beautiful prose I've ever read. I checked it out from the library but i really want a copy of my own to mark up.

Bright Young Women, Jessica Knoll (out Oct. 3rd) --- i got this ARC at the librarian convention. I'm in the middle of it right now but I have to talk it up because it is sooooo good. It's about women who meet because they have the worst possible thing in common: their best friend was murdered by the same serial killer. It hops around between the '70s and the present day, reads like a thriller, and the thesis is really about destroying the myth of the criminal mastermind, a la all those true crime docs about dahmer and bundy. I'm almost halfway through and the murderer is only referred to as "The Defendant." It's about taking the narrative away from him, the universal defendant, and recentering it around the exceptional women whose lives he ended and/or destroyed. Again, please check it out when it comes out this fall. But be forewarned that the subject matter is dark.

as for MOVIES, well, if I tried to make a list like the one above I'd be here all day, so why don't I just list a handful that I consider central to understanding who I am as a person:

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Life of Brian

The Blues Brothers

The Princess Diaries 1 AND 2

Little Women (2019)

Juno

The Holiday

Pride and Prejudice (2005)

Star Wars, the OG and prequel trilogies

and, last winter I stumbled across The Four Seasons starring Alan Alda and Carol Burnett, and I thought it was delightful.

[peaches-writes]

off season

description: student athletes need to look out for each other—well, at least seungmin needs to look out for your clumsy ass most of the time member: seungmin genre: fluff, sports au, best friends to lovers au, slice of life au, summer au, a side of college au (but like the ugly ass summer classes aspect of college life), implied fem reader  word count: 11.3k warning: explicit language, blood, injuries, extreme sports, a very poor attempt at writing sports, seungmin worries the entire time for good reason  note: a bunch of stuff put together it’s not rlly good sldkfsk like it was getting too lengthy i had to like haphazardly end it somehow + the one time you see me write a sports-themed fic & it’s not abt the actual sports i play lmao + also hi @t-toodumbtocare​ u told me to tag u so here we are

one - saturday

Amidst preparations for your incoming senior thesis, choosing your course specialization, clubs, and training, Kim Seungmin rushed getting his driver’s license before the end of your 3rd year’s 2nd semester for the sole purpose of driving you around the city this summer and you’re quite sure that that’s love. Though he disapproves of your specific choice of escapade that has you running around Seoul in circles in the first place, your best friend still made sure to pass his driving classes a whole month before the previous semester ended and with flying colors so he can “look after you” as he would put it. It definitely is love—simultaneously a heartwarming and annoying one at that. 

“I can take care of myself, I’m an adult,” You feign a frown at him stubbornly for the third time this month, sliding in the front seat of his navy Subaru anyway and placing your gym bag in front of your feet. You then busy yourself with taking your roller skates out, switching them out with your old Converse. “and it’s not like I don’t know how to commute.”

But, just as you’ve had this conversation every time he picks you up from your dorm on Saturday evenings, Seungmin only dismisses your argument and replies, “Yeah, and you know transport is not the main reason why I chaperone.” From the corner of your eye, you then see him expertly shifting the gears and turning the steering wheel, driving the car to the campus’ South gate, his serious expression unwavering and making you stifle a giggle. “You could get seriously hurt playing. Your mom will kill me and your coach will kill you for that.” 

“But I haven’t yet.” You counter with a slight teasing in your tone, pretending to ignore his last comment. You don’t even repeat this argument every week in the hopes of changing Seungmin’s mind at this point; after almost two months of the same starting conversation between the two of you, you just press his buttons now for fun. Undeniably, it’s funny seeing him get visibly riled up. “I’ve been playing derby for two months and the most I’ve gotten is a severely bloody nose. It’s nothing I can’t handle—“

“Yet.” He scoffs now in frustration before turning right to the main highway, well-aware of what you’re doing but letting himself get stressed anyway. “Even athletes get seriously hurt in the field, Y/N, we both know that.” 

You only nod with a hum, twisting your body to Seungmin’s direction and poking his side. “I know, Minnie.” You assure, softer now as you finally let out the chuckle you’ve been holding. “Now relax, loosen up a bit! You know I’m just messing with you!” 

“I know and it’s getting a bit concerning.” He rolls his eyes, finally relaxing his shoulders a bit and sighing in disbelief before swiftly swatting your hand away from his waist. “You talk like you’re not training for next year’s Championships.”

“Ah, but it’s because training isn’t as strict yet, at least with mine.” You shrug, sitting up properly in your seat as you take this opportunity to change the topic. “How’s your training, by the way? I barely saw you this week. Is Jeno giving you a hard time as co-capt.?” 

You sink in your seat and look up at Seungmin expectantly after, smiling unconsciously when he doesn’t respond immediately to focus on driving, giving you a brief moment to admire his focused expression. “Training’s okay.” He eventually replies, quirking an eyebrow when he briefly glances at you over his shoulder and catches you staring. “Surprisingly, Jeno’s chill with being co-capt. We’re getting along.”

“’Chill,’ you mean lazy like you.” You scoff playfully. ���Why have you been too busy to hang out this week, then?” 

“Practicing my driving so I don’t accidentally kill you first before roller skating could.” He answers dryly, making you roll your eyes. “That and Mr. Im’s giving too much papers for an intersession class.”

“Right, summer classes. So responsible.” You scrunch up your nose. “Aren’t you tired? Training, summer classes, driving me on Saturdays, not to mention we’re going to be seniors after the break...”

When you don’t speak after trailing off, you see him shaking his head. “A bit, but driving you around is relaxing.” He corrects casually, missing the way he catches you off-guard. “It helps me think and, like I’ve said before, I get to look after you so, seriously, don’t try sneaking around me and commuting on your own or I’ll start panicking.” 

Now, that is new to your Saturday conversation starter. 

“Really now?” You raise your own eyebrow, trying your best to not sound too surprised. “So you don’t hate this as much as you make it seem like?”

“I didn’t say that.” Though visibly caught off-guard too, he shakes his head as seriously as he can look, not even sparing you a glance this time as he makes another turn. “But making sure you’re alive is kind of part of the best friend job.” He explains after, making you laugh. “And driving—driving’s always fun.”

“Sure, sure.” You smile as you try playing it off coolly, looking down on your hands as heat rises up your neck. “Whatever you say, Minnie.”

-

You first got into roller derby through Yuna, a freshman in your university and a fellow figure skater who began training alongside you during the 1st semester of your 3rd year. Sometime almost two months ago, one of her derby team members, Yeji, had to cancel a few days prior to an important game to attend to her personal matters and so she immediately turned to you as a possible substitute, noting your figure skating skills and how you’re already familiar with the sport from occasionally watching her. Naturally, with your adventurous streak, curiosity got the best of you when presented with the offer and, especially after winning the game, you’ve been hooked ever since; meeting up with her and the rest of the all-girls team almost every Friday and Saturday at the warehouse on the way to Incheon where the games are usually held. 

So naturally, she always makes sure to meet you at the entrance of the venue, especially now that she’s not training with you for the summer to focus on her own summer classes and a part-time job. 

“Finally, you’re here! I missed you!” She hurriedly waves at Seungmin before throwing an arm around your shoulder in a side hug. “How have you two been, lovebirds?”

“Ya, Minnie and I aren’t like that.” You roll your eyes as you briefly hug her back by her waist, careful of her arm injury from two Saturdays ago while expertly hiding the heat flaming your cheeks. With this gesture, you almost miss the way Seungmin’s lips frown every so slightly in front of you, if it’s because of the nickname or your reaction to it, you dare not to ask for fear of further embarrassment. “And I’ve been well, Coach Park isn’t going beast mode on me yet. Seungmin here’s been busy, though.”

“Oh, right! I heard from Jeno that your first game’s in 2 weeks already.” Yena then turns to your best friend expectantly. “How’s training? The game’s on a Saturday, right?”

“It’s...fine,” Seungmin answers slowly with a hum, almost as if he’s hesitant on what word to use. You then see him narrow his eyes at you when he sees the mischievous glint in your eyes at the familiar question. “...chill, actually.”

“Chill as in lazy.” And as expected, you chime in the same words you commented on the car ride to the venue, making Yuna throw her head back in laughter. “You know how our friends are.” 

“As expected of Seungmin and Jeno together, I guess.” She nods in confirmation between laughs, making Seungmin groan in defeat even more. “How do boys in team sports even do it? Train, I mean?” 

You shrug in response, giggling at Seungmin’s annoyed expression directed mostly to you. “Guess we’ll have to see in two weeks, right? Are you free on that weekend?”

“Yeah, intersession’s been hectic, but I’ll try and clear my schedule!”  

“Oh coo—!” But before you could even comment more on a possible hangout with Yuna, Seungmin is already directing the three of you inside the warehouse impatiently. “Ya!” 

“Yeah, yeah, finish your game tonight first then I’ll think about letting you in mine. Aish, you two are so mean to me and Jeno all the time.” He huffs with a roll of eyes, stopping right in front of the path behind the audience bleachers leading to the locker rooms.

Turning to you again, he then bids you goodbye with an affectionate pat to your head and a long sigh. “Be careful tonight, okay? Make sure to wear your gear properly.”

“Always am.” You assure with a wink, holding your gear up in front of him before he can take another step back. “Relax, would you? Just enjoy the show tonight!” 

Seungmin nods at you with pursed lips one last time before waving goodbye as he starts retreating back into the crowd, most likely to join your other friends at the bleachers. “I’ll see you on the rink!”

“I’ll be the one with the star on my helmet!” You jokingly remind with a chuckle, smiling when he acknowledges you with a final wave before finally turning around to walk away properly. 

“Ah, lovebirds.” Yuna comments on the side once Seungmin fully disappears into the crowd, making you glare at her at already knowing where this conversation is going to lead to. “Every single time you’re here without fail. So romantic!”

“Yuna!” You scold much like you’ve been doing the past two months, throwing your arm around her shoulder this time as the two of you now turn left to the lockers. “It’s really not like that!” 

“I’m friends with Kai and Jeno but you don’t see those two caring if I die on the rink every game. I’m pretty sure they want me dead more than anything, even.” She points out in defense. “I’m telling you, Seungmin’s a whole keeper! And you already told me you like him too so what’s stopping yo—“

“We’re not dating ever.” You insist stubbornly, entering the locker rooms now where your teammates greet you (and Yeji scolds you again for arriving late). “He’s just looking out for me because he thinks I can’t commit to anything without threatening death. Besides, he’s busy, I’m busy—” 

“—You like him, he likes you, you’re both dense.” Yuna interjects in the same enumerating tone you used, settling on a nearby bench as you move to your locker to change and prepare your gear. “The same speech every week, and they’re not even good excuses. Seriously, just date already!”

You open your mouth to respond while taking your outer clothes off, revealing your derby uniform inside, but Lia, as expected, suddenly pops out of nowhere, asking, “Who’s dating?”

“No one—”

“Will date, you mean.” Yuna corrects, turning your frown into a scowl now as you pop your head out of your shirt, carefully discarding the material inside your locker with your gym bag in exchange for your helmet and arm gear. “You already know who.” 

At this, you see Lia smile knowingly and lean back on the bench as you hurriedly put on your gear and helmet. “Right, the lovebirds.” She nods at Yuna before turning to you. “Did anything happen this week?” 

You quickly shake your head, adjusting your helmet as you do so. “No, Yuna’s just teasing me—again.” You then sit in between the two girls, re-tying your roller skate’s laces. “Don’t listen to her, she’s delusional.”

“Um, delusional for a reason!” The girl in question protests much to Lia’s amusement, bumping her shoulders with yours in the process. “Who even drives people to places even when they don’t want to? And he always insists on looking at your injuries after every game too? I think someone’s whipped and his name begins with a Seung and ends with a Min.” 

“He’s just nice and—” You try to insist again but to no avail when you see her raising her eyebrows and smiling suggestively, your hands going up to your face sheepishly as your stubborn front easily breaks down at it. “Ugh, stop with those looks!” 

On your sides, you hear Lia and Yuna laugh, patting your back and shoulders comfortingly.  

“Hey, you know Yuna’s just messing with you.” Lia reminds you softly after a moment, prying your hands off of your face and helping you up. “You won’t let that get in your head now of all weeks, would you? It’s the re-match game against our seniors tonight!”

“It’s just you always put me up to it. Seriously, stop it!” You groan instead in protest, belatedly swatting the two away as you join your team back outside and to the rink. “I swear, if I end up getting thrown by Jeongyeon across the rink again tonight, I’m blaming it on you because you keep teasing me.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Yuna rolls her eyes playfully just as you reach the rink, meeting the crowd’s cheers that momentarily prompts you to wave and smile at them. “maybe until later after the game.”

“Don’t even try pointing at Seungmin to me again mid-game.” You elbow her harshly, ending the conversation as the announcer, Jaemin, calls your team name and starts listing your numbers one by one in introduction. 

“...number 5 Lee Chaeryeong, number 9 Shin Yuna, and number 17 Y/N Y/L/N!” 

“I don’t have to,” Yuna retorts playfully as she prepares to slide in the rink before you, referring to your last comment. “You always find him yourself, anyway.”  

And, as if her words easily got to you, you unconsciously find Seungmin waving at you from the crowd, seated with Jeno, Kai, and Jeongin who are holding yet another cheesy poster for your team. You wave back at him out of courtesy, glancing at Yuna after to roll your eyes in her direction.

“See?” She mouths at you before moving to the very front of the group with Lia and Yeji, starting the game. “Whipped!”

Meanwhile, you skate over to the back with the opposing team’s jammer, Jeongyeon, accepting her high-five before getting in position. 

“Y/N, long time no see! Are you with your boyfriend again?” She teases just as Jaemin, blows the first whistle for the pack to start skating. “Seungmin, right? The kid from Legal Management?” 

You glance at her briefly, skating on the second whistle first before exclaiming, “Jeongyeon, not you too!” 

“I’m just asking!” She holds her hands up in defense, quickening her pace almost at the same time as you do. “Just so I know if you get distracted again!” 

“I won’t this time, promise.” You assure, using the conversation to fuel your momentum and easily overtaking her. “I’ll be focused tonight!” 

“We’ll see about that!” You hear her yell behind you as she catches up, dodging your teammates while you dodge hers to score a point. 

Swiftly, you duck and jump around the pack, making sure to avoid Seungmin’s eyes when you pass his bleachers to prove to Yuna, Lia, and even Jeongyeon otherwise as you come in contact with them. 

Eventually, with a little difficulty and a lot of harsh shoulder and hip bumps from Chaeyoung and Dahyun, you then score the first point with a huge gap between you and Jeongyeon. 

“See, I’m focused!” You brag to your senior who runs behind you before turning your gaze ahead again. 

“And the first 5 points of the night goes to number 17, Y/N!” Meanwhile, Jaemin announces into his mic from the center of the rink, catching a high-five from you as you pass. “Must be all that formal training, huh?” 

“What are you talking about? This is how I usually walk!” You reply playfully, eliciting more cheers from the crowd as you naturally change into your athletic persona. 

“And the figure skater brags again.” Jaemin muses out loud, receiving the banter well as the host. “Careful there, Y/N, Jeongyeon, number 1, is catching up quickly!” 

But despite the warning, you take the time away from the pack to momentarily slow down, waving and receiving more high-fives from the crowd before finally looking over at Seungmin who is now on his feet and clapping wildly while cheering for your team, a stark contrast of his usual worried disposition at the start of the night. When you reach his bleacher as you quicken your pace to try and score another point, you lean over the barrier and send him a confident wink which he receives with a playful scoff. 

“What are you doing? Focus on your game!” He scolds, the other boys snickering next to him.

“I’m just checking in with my biggest fan before he goes back to worried mode.” You grin at him, pinching his cheek affectionately. “How was my first five points?”

“Great, great.” He answers quickly, gently pushing you by your shoulder as if gesturing you to go back to your game. “Now, go, you have a pack to catch up to and a game to win.” 

Cute, you think to yourself, a grin forming on your features as you bid him goodbye again to go back to chasing the pack around the rink. “Okay, Minnie, whatever you say!” 

“You two are so adorable!” Sana points out as you reach her on the side of the pack after, not even bothering to block you or hit you by the hips now with how much she’s gushing over you and Seungmin. “So cute!” 

“I know, right? Unnie, can you believe they’re still not dating?” Yuna agrees, letting her guard down momentarily from blocking Sana until she sees Jeongyeon catching up to you from over your shoulder. 

“Yuna, stop it!” 

“No! It’s fu—oh, look out!” 

Behind you, Jeongyeon easily knocks Lia and Chaeryeong off their skates, her hand reaching your shoulder to propel herself forward in the tightly-knit pack. 

“Come on, guys, less talking more hitting!” Your opponent jammer sticks her tongue out, purposely waiting for you to catch up before picking up the pace again. “Y/N, you said you’re not getting distracted!” 

“Sana and Yuna were ganging up on me!” You retort in protest, bumping her by her shoulders and hips and overtaking her again. “More hitting it is then!” 

“Oh, it seems like this second game between Team Neon and Team Magenta is going to be bloody!” Jaemin, quickly picking up on the commotion, comments. “Who will be our winner tonight? It looks like it’s going to be a very close call!” 

“Ah, not on my watch.” You mumble under your breath, expertly knocking out Jeongyeon on the way to another five points. 

- 

The game ends almost two hours later, the score being 115-110 with your team emerging victorious and at least four overall cuts and bruises around your body. As soon as all the photographs have been taken for Instagram and the weekly plastic trophy has been passed around your team at least twice, Seungmin immediately takes you away from the crowd and your team right after taking your things from the locker room, his adrenaline for watching sports directing its attention to tending to you again and his cheerful expression switching back to worry. 

“Minnieee,” You call for him for the second time as you near the bathroom at the end of the hall, tiredly stumbling over nothing when Seungmin doesn’t slow down a bit with his brisk walking. “Minnie, slow down a bit, my legs are tired!” 

But he only slows down when you reach the bathroom, gently hoisting you up to sit on the cold marble of the sinks before taking out his first-aid kit and the ice packs he got from Jaemin from the outer pockets of his backpack. His serious and worried expression doesn’t falter once, looking even worse than the one he always wears on your car rides to the game. “Don’t move too much until I—until we’ve checked everything.” He instructs you, lifting your gym bag and his backpack that he’s been carrying with him to the side.

“You’re so serious again.” You feign another frown at him once you’re settled on top of the sink, gaze softening as he quietly and hurriedly shuffles around to wrap the ice packs in towels as if ignoring your comment. “Don’t I get another ‘congrats’ or a ‘good job’? I scored 85 of those 115 points. I’m fine.” 

“I already congratulated you with the others out there,” He reminds with a frustrated sigh, carefully inspecting your arms and legs for more bruises he didn’t initially notice. “and you already know you did really well against Jeongyeon this time around but that fall before the 85th point...”

At the mention of your one violent fall tonight, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “This one?” You ask for confirmation, lifting your shift up and pulling your waistband down slightly against your heated cheeks and Seungmin’s suddenly wide eyes. Clearing your throat, you hide it again from him as quickly as you showed it and assure, “It’s fine, seriously, I—“

But, just as stubborn as you are, Seungmin’s hands move shakily to the hem of your shirt, hesitantly lifting it up after looking up at you in permission to see the harsh mark. “I-It’s turning blue. You didn’t even ice it up properly when you switched positions with Chaeyeon.” He argues back as firmly as he can and thus cutting you off from showing him your other bruises, his other hand holding up the ice pack in between the two of you. “This one really needs the ice pack more than the rest.”

Your eyes widen back at him because of the gesture, freezing for a moment in place until you quickly regain composure and manage to stutter out, “O-okay, fine...” And with that, you take his hand off your shirt, holding it up yourself while your other hand takes the ice pack from him. “Th—shit—t-thanks.”

Seungmin only nods and hums in acknowledgement awkwardly, picking up two other ice packs wrapped in a towels and leaving one to rest on your right thigh while he hovers the other over your your collarbones. “The other two don’t look too bad, though.” He comments, changing the topic and muttering a quick apology when you hiss at the simultaneous cold contact on your skin. “You’re not hurt anywhere else, right?”

“I think I have a cut on my feet, I’m not sure, it stings a bit when I put too much pressure.” You shrug your free shoulder carefully, meeting Seungmin’s eyes when you turn to him again and find him hovering dangerously close to your face. With the way he looks at you expectantly for answers, you immediately figure out that it’s not time to tease or play games with him anymore. “I-I’ll just—walk back out with slippers, it’s probably just the blisters from last week.”

“We’ll have to check that too. You also have a cut on your lip, you know.” He points out after when he leans closer, his free hand picking up a small box of face tissues from the first-aid kit. “When did this even happen?”

Instinctively, you reach out to touch your bare lips first before taking the tissues from him, only then noticing the dry skin bumps that have now formed around what you assume would be a dried cut. “Huh, I didn’t even notice.” You muse out loud, closing your mouth and taking the tissues from Seungmin immediately when you feel the wound open slightly again. “It must be from when Chaeyoung hit me—shit.”

“Nothing you can’t handle, huh?” Seungmin mumbles under his breath, looking down on your thigh to check the bruise under the ice pack he left freely on top of it. “You’re so clumsy.”

You frown at him and the reference to earlier this evening, making him crack a small amused smile when he meets your gaze again. “Fine, maybe I am a bit—clumsy.” You admit hesitantly with a sigh and a roll of your eyes when he raises an eyebrow at you again. “But at least I got you to patch me up every time, right?”

“And that’s why I chaperone you.” He reiterates firmly, briefly taking off the ice pack he’s holding against your collarbones to inspect the bruise after and furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Tch, it’s not like this happens every week. It just happened that tonight was extra violent, you know.” You reply slowly before licking your lips and disposing the tissue into a nearby chute. 

“Yeah but point you still got hurt like you always do every single week.” He retorts before picking up the ointment and cotton balls next to you, taking a step back and crouching down to the level of your skates. Untying your shoelaces then taking your skates and socks off, you lean forward to see Seungmin wince at the amount of red blotches and commenting, “Look, you even managed to open your blisters tonight.” 

“Is it that ba—sh-shit! Ya, Minnie, you’re pressing too hard on i—ya, it hurts!” You wince when Seungmin presses a cotton ball coated in ointment on one of your blisters, making you instinctively grip on the edge of the sink and lean back. 

“Ya, you really didn’t notice this? At all?” He scolds, cleaning your wounds again but this time simultaneously evading your unconscious attempts at kicking his face. 

“Well, I was too happy knowing that we’re advancing to fina—ow, ow, ow, it stings!” 

“Ah, seriously. Ya, stop moving too much, I still need to bandage these.” He hisses, slapping your leg gently before going back to cleaning your wounds. “I’ll make it up to you later, promise.” 

“Piggyback and ice cream?” You pout. “You’re being really harsh on my blisters.” 

“Wheelchair if you don’t behave and kick me in the face.” He threatens, holding your feet in place by your ankles before going back to cleaning the rest of your wounds. “Now, just hold it in a bit.” 

two - sunday

Seungmin also dotes on you by randomly checking in during your training hours. Though he’s always done this even before you started training competitively, ever since you’ve picked up your side hobby of roller derby this summer he’s started picking up a more consistent schedule of coming over on Sunday mornings (when he knows you’d still push yourself to attend training) to make sure that you’re not overworking and further damaging your already bruised and wounded body. It’s a bit too much for his character, you’d know very well as his best friend with years of observing how he treats his other student athlete friends, but he always brings you coffee and a cheat meal bento for when Coach Park isn’t looking so you can’t really complain.

“Minnie!” You greet him with a wave as he finally arrives, 8 PM on the dot just as you finish your best attempt at warming up your already sore body. Skating over to his side of the audience area, you then lean over the barriers with your arms folded on top of it with an anticipating smile, watching him get comfortable in his unofficial seat in the middle of the front row. “What do you have for me today?”

“It’s Korean special for today.” He answers with a smile, taking out a pair of familiar white bento boxes typically sold at the cafeteria of the nearby College of Architecture and shaking it in front of you before placing it on the seat next to him. Looking around the empty rink, he then asks, “Coach Park isn’t with you today?”

“Faculty meeting, won’t be back until lunch,” You shrug before another thought crosses your mind. “Hey, do you want to skate?”

Seungmin hesitantly shakes his head in front of your wide eyes, sinking in his seat. “No, I’m good, thanks.” He shrugs as casually as he can, though you’re quicker to take note of his gaze lingering on the smooth ice.  

So, stubborn as you are, you insist anyway, “I see that look!” 

“You’re supposed to be training—actually, you shouldn’t even be with all the hits you took last night.” He points out. “Anyway, don’t you need the whole rink?”

“I’ll be here the whole day. I can just practice seriously when Coach Park is actually here.” You grin widely, smoothly gliding to the gates now to fetch him. When he doesn’t move in his seat, you continue further up the stairs until your blades hit the rubber mats of the audience area. “And like you said, I shouldn’t be training with all the hits I took last night.”

“We can just skate around leisurely!” You conclude, Seungmin’s eyes narrowing up at you when you reach him and his body automatically cringing at the sound of your blades hitting rubber. 

“Yeah, but—”

In response, you take hold of his free hand with your own while the other puts his backpack to the side, tugging him to the direction of the locker rooms. “I’m injured so I need help getting around.” You answer after halfheartedly. 

“You were already skating before I could even get here.” He tries reasoning out but before he can even continue, you’ve already managed to pull him up to a stand, almost tripping the two of you even until he quickly balanced himself right in front of you. 

“Kids will start training here by next week so this is literally the last time we’ll have the ice on our own for a while.” You counter back, already pulling him to the locker rooms with the loud thud of your blades. Glancing over at him from behind your shoulder, you chuckle as you catch Seungmin’s expression change into that of resignation as he finally lets you pull him along. “Ha, knew it.” 

“I’m just looking out for you,” He states, more to convince himself than you. At that, you reach the locker room, proceeding straight to the unclaimed locker next to yours by the door for Seungmin’s skates—an old pair you stole from his house some two Christmases ago when he started visiting you like this. 

“Right, right.” You giggle at him, passing him his skates and taking out another article of clothing from the lockers, this time a familiar hoodie from your locker that immediately catches Seungmin’s eye. “Just put these on.”

“Didn’t you say you lost this hoodie?” 

“It actually got lost in my laundry for two months bu—ya, don’t look at me like that! At least I’m giving it back now! I don’t want you getting in there cold!” 

-

Seungmin is exceptionally knowledgeable on many things like Legal Management (his course), baseball, music (especially singing with the amount of times he hangs out with Jeongin, his other best friend), and skating—but the last is quite debatable since his knowledge is limited to growing up watching you upgrade from the lake behind your houses when you were five to the rinks you train at today. He still doesn’t get how scoring works (”But you looked so great out there!” “Not to the judges, I guess.” “Huh?!”) and he still can’t differentiate the common jumps in competitive figure skating that well but you trust him as one who has a good eye for artistry and technique. He is a fellow athlete, after all. 

“Can you extend your arms a little more?” He asks after you’ve shown him a particular step in a work-in-progress choreography for next year’s Championships. After a mini argument with him over whether you’ll practice your stunts while he’s still with you or just skate around until you feel tired, he somehow convinced you to show your choreography first before skating with you by offering to treat you to another bento box and a cup of iced coffee later. 

Damn his negotiating skills. 

Skating back to him from the other side of the rink, you sigh. “I mean I can if I’m not injured at the moment.” You answer, gesturing to the bruise on your collarbone hidden behind your own long sleeves. “Maybe on the day itself, you know, 7 months from now.” 

“Then you should make sure to extend your arms out in that move when your bruise heals so you look pretty,” He concludes, taking your phone out of his pocket and pressing pause on your chosen music that now fades to a segment without choreography yet. “and don’t play any derby on that month.” 

The last comment makes you smile as you now leisurely skate in circles around him. “So you’re allowing me to play derby until next year?” You ask with your most hopeful look, halting to a stop next to him and linking your arms with his after.

“I’m just saying in case you still want to play derby until next year.” He shrugs, following you around the rink when you tug him forward. “The choice is still up to you.” 

You then take this as a sign that you can now skate freely around after a whole hour of “practice,” mindlessly leading the two of you around the ice. Seungmin would still trip a little bit no matter how many times you’ve tried teaching him how to glide smoothly on the ice but you pretend to not take notice of this, gently helping him balance himself wordlessly instead. 

“Wait, do you still want to?” He asks after a moment. “Play after the summer, I mean?” 

You shrug back, alternating your attention between thinking of a more elaborate answer and looking down on Seungmin’s skates to make sure he’s not threatening another fall. “Derby’s fun and all, especially right now on my off-season but I don’t know. It does take a toll sometimes.” You end up saying in the end, guiding Seungmin around the curve of the rink in increasingly larger glides. “Coach Park’s kind of getting mad at me already too when she sees some of my blisters since it’s not helping me break in my new skates.”

“So...yes, no, maybe?” 

“Maybe.” You answer, looking up at him and admiring the way he concentrates on balancing himself. “Besides, I still have to ask you about it too.” 

At that, you catch Seungmin’s gaze and raised eyebrow. “Me?” He repeats, almost falling over in front of him and prompting you to slow down. 

“Yeah,” You naturally follow up, skating ahead of him and moving your hands back into his as you try skating backwards this time. “as my no. 1 fan—and by that I mean my best friend who always scolds me before and after the games but cheers on me wildly during—what do you think?”  

You observe Seungmin without too much anticipation in your expression in case he correctly guesses that you’re expecting a certain answer from him. 

“I’ve already told you before...” He eventually trails off after a moment before glancing at you again and sighing. “...it’s just, you look like you’re having fun but—”

“But it’s dangerous.“

“But you should play less.” He corrects seriously, skating the arms distance between the two of you and placing his hands on your upper arms, holding you in place. With this gesture, you look up at him with a confused expression, trying to decipher all the thoughts that seem to run over a mile a second in the way he glances back at you. “I’m always behind you and whatever you do, even if it’s dangerous and stupid, that’s what best friends do—but even that has limits sometimes.” 

You pause. For some reason, you don’t think of an immediate and witty comeback to lighten what has unconsciously become a sincere atmosphere, your thoughts lingering instead to the conversation you had with Yuna just last night. 

“Who even drives people to places even when they don’t want to?” You hear your friend loud and clear in your mind, almost nagging even. 

Definitely not Seungmin, you think to yourself, especially if it’s another person like Hyunjin or Jeongin...

“Y/N?” Seungmin suddenly calls for you, his voice just barely above a whisper as he hesitantly lets go of your arms and snaps you out of your daze. 

Blinking twice up at him, you catch him just in time before he can even skate back away from you, holding him by his fingertips. “So...” You trail off, furrowing your eyebrows in thought. “so yes, no, maybe—?”

“Maybe.” He finishes the thought for you, rubbing the nape of his neck awkwardly before huffing slightly in the cold, a puff of white air escaping his pink lips. “That’s a maybe too, I guess.” 

You nod slowly in acknowledgement, tugging him forwards. “So, in conclusion,” You reply slowly, changing your direction again as you now move yourself and Seungmin to the very center of the rink before breaking out into a chuckle to diffuse the unnecessarily tense atmosphere. “let’s get back to it after the summer?” 

“That and don’t play derby when the time comes that you’re actually in Championships.” Seungmin points out, catching up with you now so you’re skating next to each other again. “Multi-tasking isn’t really your strongest suit.”

“Ya!” You protest, elbowing him gently and making him laugh. 

“I was just kidding!” When you try skating away from him, Seungmin latches onto your elbow and desperately pulls you back to his side, barely missing another threat of a fall. “Don’t let go, I’ll trip!” 

“Says the one who called me clumsy that I can’t multitask.” You roll your eyes with an amused chuckle

“We just had a really heartfelt talk and that’s all you picked up?” Seungmin feigns a frown at you, tightening his arms linked to yours. “You’re unbelievable sometimes.” 

“It’s not like we don’t always talk about it.” You scoff, pulling Seungmin close by linking your arms again. “Though, I am a bit surprised with today’s answer. You just always know how to re-word the same thing a bunch of times, huh?” 

“You brought it up and I answered sincerely.” He gestures to you with a tilt of his head, looking down on his skates after. “I didn’t even know my opinion was that important to you. I mean, you have been ignoring it for 2 months straight.” 

“Like I said, no. 1 fan.” You grin before nudging him by his shoulder. “And I don’t ignore your opinion, I’ve been retiring from the game itself earlier like you asked me to before!” 

“As if that makes a difference.” He rolls his eyes, pursing his lips before he could comment further. “You still play 3/4 of the game, anyway.” 

“We’re going to argue about this for the whole morning if ever, Kim Seungmin.” You chuckle, holding his hand again and leading him to another spin around the rink. “Let’s just skate freely for now, hm?” 

- 

Coach Park arrives an hour earlier than she intended later on while you and Seungmin ate your bento boxes, prompting your best friend to not return to the ice after and to simply watch you from the stands instead. When your training ends almost five hours later, you’re quick to change back into your shoes in the locker rooms to return back to Seungmin’s side, making even your coach laugh in amusement. 

“I’ll see you next week Thursday, correct?” Coach Park asks you as she readies to shut the power off the venue, still chuckling every time she glances at you standing next to Seungmin by the entrance. “Those wounds should improve by then so we can start landing at least half of your jumps.” 

You nod, adjusting your gym bag on your one shoulder. “I’ll rest until then, promise!” 

Coach Park then turns to Seungmin with a feigned strict look, pointing at you as she then instructs, “Look after them, Kim, alright? I trust you’ll keep Y/N in check until then.” 

“I will, coach.” Seungmin assures with a nod and a smile himself, slinging an arm over your waist to help you balance yourself before turning you towards the direction of the entrance doors and concluding, “We’ll be off now!” 

“Alright, see you!” You hear coach Park bid you goodbye before you pass through the double doors of the entrance, getting pulled to the direction of the parking lot by Seungmin after. 

“I thought you’re buying me an extra bento box? And iced coffee?” You ask when you don’t make the turn leading to the College of Architecture, following Seungmin straight ahead to his car parked right across the building entrance anyway. “Ya, Minnie—”

“I texted Changbin to buy, it should be at your dorm’s kitchen by now.” Seungmin answers casually, taking out his keys from his hoodie pocket and pointing it to his car. Once you near the vehicle, he then opens the door for you on the front passenger seat, wordlessly taking your gym bag and placing it in the back along with his backpack. “If not, then I’ll just drive back here, I don’t have anywhere to be today.” 

You smile at the thought, happily putting on your seatbelt. “I love you, have I said that this week?” You chuckle, wrapping an arm behind his waist in a side hug before he can close the door. “You’re the best, capt.!” 

“It’s weird when you call me capt.” He feigns a scowl, patting your head and briefly hugging you back anyway. “And you only love me because I practically babysit you.” 

"I never even asked to be babysit in the first place.” You pout, following him with your eyes even when he closes the door and moves to the other side of the vehicle to the driver’s seat. Turning your body to his direction as he turns on the ignition and starts driving away, you then add, “You’re supposed to say you love me too, capt.” 

Seungmin rolls his eyes in an attempt to move your eyes away from the wild blush on his cheeks. “Put your seatbelt on.” He steers the conversation instead, placing a hand behind your headrest as he backs the car away from the parking. 

“‘I love you too’?” 

“What do you want to do when we get to your dorm?” 

“Okay, I’ll take that. How about you choose the movie for today?” 

three - wednesday

Though he never demands you for it from knowing full-well your own busy training schedule and classes, you’ve always made sure to attend each and every baseball game Seungmin participates in ever since you were children to cheer him on and he’s always thought that that’s your own version of showing your affection to him in return for his support for you. Though you can get a bit embarrassing cheering on him the loudest and always wearing his extra old jerseys to the games, he never complains about it anyway and only argues with you after the game about other things, mostly you skipping your own training to see him or attending his games instead of resting at home like today. It definitely is love—simultaneously a heartwarming and worrying one at that.

So today, at his baseball team’s scrimmage, he’s not even that surprised anymore when you show up with Jeongin by your side, insisting that your cuts and bruises are already manageable enough to let you walk without needing much help. He is, however, still worried over your well-being as usual. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks you for the fourth time since you met up right outside the field, an arm draped over your shoulder as you walk. Ahead of you, Jeongin and Yuna have already reserved seats along with the rest of your friend group, chatting away with some members of the team. “And you’re not skipping any training today?”

“I already told you, Minnie,” You giggle, limping a little from your blisters and leaning most of your weight to him with your hand on his waist. “My next training’s next week, you were even there when Coach Park reminded me! And it’s not like I’m playing, I’m just going to watch you today!” 

“I’m mainly worried about your blisters since you were training last Sunday. You could’ve just rested at the dorms today.” He points out, sitting you down next to Jeongin on the aisle before kneeling right in front of you. “It’s just a scrimmage, anyway.” 

“But I don’t want to miss a game,” You insist stubbornly, smiling reassuringly at him and his furrowed eyebrows. “and even if it’s just a scrimmage, it’s still you playing. I want to see you play.” 

With this, Seungmin eventually sighs in defeat. “Whatever, not like I can walk you home now and get back to the game in time.”

“I’m already here and you can’t do anything about it.” You affirm with a chuckle, patting his arm. “Now, go, shoo, you have a scrimmage to win.” 

Seungmin then turns to Jeongin, gesturing to you as he stands up, “Look after Y/N, please?” 

“If you mean look after them as in not letting them topple over the seats then sure.” Jeongin nods with a laugh. 

“Hey, I don’t—!”

But, as if ignoring your protests, Seungmin nods gratefully and bids you two goodbye. “Thanks!” He then turns to his teammates before you could even finish another sentence, ushering everyone to jog back to the field. “Okay, guys, chat time’s over. Let’s head to the field!”

“Ay, Seung, don’t get too flustered over Y/N now!” Jisung reminds him with a hand over the younger boy’s shoulders and a snicker, tapping on the mound with his glove as the two reach their designated positions. “Jeno’s pitching, too, you might get hit in the face if you’ll just keep looking at your Y/N.” 

“Shut up, Ji.” Seungmin rolls his eyes, tapping on the mound as well with his bat just as Jeno signals from across the diamond, preparing to pitch. With one last glance at you, he then mutters to himself, “Aish, why did they even come today? They’re injured.” 

Jisung opens his mouth to speak behind his helmet to ask what Seungmin could mean with his last comment but he’s inadvertently cut off by Jeno signaling for everyone to get ready, expertly throwing the first ball which Seungmin instinctively hits hard with his bat, prompting him to start running to first base before Daehwi and Eunwoo could even retrieve it by the chain link fences of the field, thus leaving Jisung to his thoughts. 

“Yay, let’s go Kim Seungmin!” You cheer and yell from the bleachers, almost standing up with a struggle until Jeongin pulls you down by your arms, most likely to remind you of your injuries, which Seungmin is more than grateful for. “Go Minnie! Number 22! Number 22!” 

As he runs, Seungmin makes sure to wave at you in responds when he passes by your bleachers, sending a bashful smile your way that only fuels more teasing from Jeongin without him noticing. You wave both hands back in response before he could turn his eyes back ahead, sinking in your seat as he now tries to aim for second base seeing everyone moving a bit slower than usual. 

Eventually, he makes it to second base just in time, sliding into the plate and narrowly missing Daehwi’s attempt at getting him out. 

“Yay, let’s go Seungmin!” He hears you yell and clap loudly again, making his ears heat up and everyone in the diamond to stifle their giggles. 

“Hey, isn’t Y/N injured from last Saturday?” Daehwi asks at belatedly noticing your presence.

Seungmin then stands up and dusts the dirt off his uniform, adjusting his cap and turning his focus to Jeno and Hyunjin (who bats next) ahead. “I insisted that they skip today’s game since it’s just a scrimmage but you know how they are.” 

“Really? That’s so sweet!” Daehwi squeals in delight, waving at you and the others from others bleachers. “and here everyone thought that Y/N skipping training was already cute enough! They just outdo themselves every time!” 

“Way to romanticize injuries, Dae.” Seungmin scoffs, hiding a smile from Daehwi. Simultaneously, Jeno signals again that the game is about to start, preparing to pitch. “Seriously, it’s not cute. I’m more worried than flattered.” 

“Right, because waving at them while running was definitely being worried,” Daehwi chuckles, getting in position again. “Just say you’re whipped and go.”

“You wish,” Seungmin scrunches up his nose, successfully dodging Daehwi again and leaving him on the second base. “but I do have to get going now!” 

“Ya!” 

“Woo! Go Seungmin!” You yell loudly and repeatedly again, until he successfully reaches home base which prompts you to finally stand up and jump around in cheer despite the pain your lower half. “Way to go Seungmin!” 

Seungmin can only roll his eyes at you as he walks off the field, scoffing in disbelief when you don’t stop cheering even as he approaches you from the other side of the chain link fences since he’s already done for this particular inning. 

“Why are you up? You’re injured.” He frowns, his hands going up the chain links. “Sit down, Y/N.”

“I’m fine!” You dismiss, sitting down anyway when Jeongin and Yuna start tugging on your shirt for you to sit down. “But, more importantly, you did well!” 

“It’s just the first inning—and a scrimmage.”

“Scrimmage, formal game, it’s all the same, you don’t have to say it twice.” You retort, rolling your eyes and chuckling. “You looked really cool out there!” 

The last comment definitely catches Seungmin off-guard but he hides it better this time, waving his hand in front of him. “It was nothing.” 

“So modest,” You scoff with a proud smile, leaning forward and linking your hands between the chain links. “What do you want after the game? Ice cream? Tteokbeokki?” 

“Don’t stand up too much during the game and I’ll think about it,” He answers instead. “and we’re not going anywhere after this with your injuries. I’m taking you straight home.”

“Fine.” You huff in defeat, gesturing to his teammates after. “Okay, now go back, Jeno’s looking at us weird.” 

“Don’t stand up again!”

“I won’t!”

- 

Seungmin meets up with you again after the game. When the scrimmage ends later that afternoon with Jeno’s team winning at 14-18 and everyone heading straight to the showers, he sees you with Jeongin right outside of the locker rooms, sitting on a nearby bench while the younger boy pesters you with questions on your summer training and last Saturday’s game.

“Hey, Y/N!” Jisung, accompanying Seungmin on the way out, greets you with an innocent slap to your back before your best friend could, making you wince in pain. “Oh, shit, sorry!” 

“Ya,” Seungmin reprimands him firmly, slapping Jisung’s hand away from you before helping you up from the bench. “Careful, Y/N’s injured.” 

“Why?” Jisung asks curiously, making everyone turn to him.

“Derby last Saturday.” You answer sheepishly, leaning your weight to Seungmin again appreciatively as he helps you balance yourself. “Got knocked out before scoring a point.”

“You would’ve seen if you didn’t have a date that day.” Hyunjin adds, playfully catching Jisung in a chokehold as your group now walks out of the lockers rooms and outside the field. “It was so bloody as fuck, they were against the league veterans!”

“You make it sound like I died and got resurrected.” You scoff, reaching out for Hyunjin with a struggle and slapping his arm.

“Don’t entertain him too much, he’s just dramatic.” Seungmin assures you, eliciting protests from Hyunjin.

“Really?” Meanwhile, Jisung frowns in jealously, prying Hyunjin off of him and kicking him from behind his knees as a comeback. “Ay, I really would’ve gone if only Haneul liked watching derby.”

“They don’t seem to like watching sports in general,” Jeongin points out bluntly, you nodding along to his right. “why are you still going out with this person, even? Clearly, they’re not interested in your major passion.”

“Because I like them,” the boy in question shrugs without hesitation, making you tilt your head in confusion. “I mean, Haneul’s cool but we—I guess we never really talked about the whole sports thing.”

“Why not? Bro, you’re aiming for the national team.” Hyunjin prods this time. By now, your group has reached and stopped on the sidewalk of the main campus road where you’re supposed to part ways since Jeno’s hosting a get-together but Seungmin’s insisted on taking you home. “In a few years, it’s gonna be weird being in games and having one less person to cheer you on, especially if that person’s your girlfriend.”

“Well, not everyone’s lucky enough to being in love with people who have similar hobbies as they do.” Jisung rolls his eyes dryly, his gaze instinctively landing to you and Seungmin after which only prompts you to raise an eyebrow while Seungmin glares at Jisung.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, making Jisung chuckle.

“Nothing, nothing.” He waves his hand dismissively at you before turning to Hyunjin and Jeongin. “Anyway, Haneul and I will talk about it again more later on. Personally, I’m not that bothered right now—I’m just happy we get to hang out.”

“But that’s because you started dating before any major games.” Seungmin speaks up after a while. 

Jeongin nods in agreement. “We’ll really just have to see next Friday if you still think that way.”

“Seung, Y/N always attends our games so I don’t think you’re qualified to speak over my love life.” Jisung deadpans, prompting Seungmin to hit him again. “Ow! But it’s true!”

“What?” You scoff, finally getting what he means but pretending to not know anyway in embarrassment.

“Whatever.” Seungmin huffs dismissively at Jisung, directing you away from the group now. “Anyway, we’ll get going now. It’s getting late.”

“We’re seriously going home?” You frown up at Seungmin who’s now standing behind you, both his hands on your shoulders as he moves you to the opposite direction of where the rest of the boys are going. “I was hoping you’d change your mind last minute.”

“I didn’t bring my car here today and Jeno’s dorm’s on the other side of campus.” Seungmin answers your question, waving goodbye to the others. “Come on, let’s go home. We can order again or something.”

“Fine.” You sigh in defeat, letting him walk you backwards as you reluctantly wave goodbye at everyone. “Bye, guys. I guess I’ll see you next Friday.”

“Bye!” Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin wave back at you as they laugh over your frown, the eldest boy making sure to add, “Have fun on your date!”

“It’s not a date!” You yell back at him in exasperation, making the three laugh.

“We’ll make sure to eat well for you!” Jisung teases, winking at you before Seungmin could pull you to the left turn leading back to your dorms. Before you completely part ways, you hear him yell, “Alright, now let’s eat samgyeopsal!”

Heading back to your dorm now, Seungmin stands next to you again, draping his arm over your shoulder again and matching your pace. You walk in comfortable silence for a while, that is until you think about Jisung’s words once again, prompting you to ask, “What was that about by the way?”

“What?”

“The thing with Haneul.” You clarify, tearing your gaze away from him to look down on the ground. “Jisung said something about other people being lucky that they like people who have similar hobbies then looked at you.”

“Looked at me? I thought he was looking at you?” Seungmin tries to joke awkwardly before stopping when you don’t laugh along. “It’s nothing, he’s just being weird.”

You furrow your eyebrows, looking up at him only to meet his side profile. Taking a quick inhale, you then try asking, “Seungmin...do you perhaps—do you like anyone lately?”

At that, Seungmin almost trips over nothing uncharacteristically, his grip on your shoulder accidentally tightening when he holds onto you for support. “Sorry, um—w-what?”

“It’s just,” You shrug awkwardly, feeling smaller under his arm now that your impulsive question suddenly made the air awkward. You walk slower now, despite your dorm being only a block away now. “what Jisung said and—and, you know, you’ve been busy lately.”

“Yeah, because of you and classes.” He points out, still with furrowed eyebrows. “I don’t—I don’t have time to date.”

“But do you want to?”

“Hm?”

“I-If you weren’t busy with classes, training...looking after my clumsy ass and all—would you...would you want to date anyone? Do you like...someone?” You clarify as clearly and as eloquently as you can against the pain on your feet from walking and the sudden loud hammering of your heart against your chest. Why did I even ask? You can only scold yourself internally, keeping a front anyway now that you’re in too deep to change the topic now.

Next to you, Seungmin thinks about your question carefully. He’s not actually thinking about the question per se, more like thinking about why you would ask such question. Are you expecting some kind of answer? “I...” He trails off in thought, catching your gaze momentarily from the corner of his eye. “N-No, not really.”

“Oh.” You muse out loud, trying your best to hide your disappointment. “I guess that’s understandable. You’re aiming for the national team, after all.”

Seungmin then stops walking altogether, making you stop. In front of you, you see your dorm building coming into view, confusing you even more when he moves in front of you.

“No, it’s....“ He shrugs, looking down on his hands before flitting his eyes up again to you. “all my time’s for you, classes, and training right now and it’s fine. Sure, the end goal’s the national team but at the same time, I have all I need right now—dating just so happens to not really a top priority right now.���

You nod slowly with a low hum, smiling at his sincerity after a while. “So I’m top priority?”

At your comment, his sincere facade immediately fades into a scoff, rubbing his temples up in frustration. “I answer your question sincerely and all you pick up is you being a priority?” He asks in disbelief, making you laugh. “And here I was, about to offer you piggyback again.”

“I was just kidding!” You bluff in between laughs, extending your arms out for him to carry you. “Piggyback, please! I live on the third floor!”

“Maybe if you didn’t respond weirdly to my emotional rant—“

“Ya, Seungmin!” You protest, hopping on your better foot and jumping on his back before he could even move away from you. “Ha! Got you!” 

Reluctantly, Seungmin then adjusts the strap of his gym bag on his shoulder and hooks his arms under your legs. “If you’re not so injured right now, I’d drop you on the ground.” He hoists you up on his back with a groan, continuing to walk forward anyway. “Ah, this brat.” 

You chuckle, pinching his cheeks before resting your arms on his shoulders. “But seriously...” You trail off with an awkward cough. “Just date, dude, you can multitask, better than me at least.” 

You then hear Seungmin mumble under his breath, “Maybe if...” but you fail to catch the last words as he then shakes his head and adds, “Ah, whatever. How did we even get to this kind of talk?” 

five - saturday 

As if the universe is conspiring against you, you end up getting severely injured halfway through your next derby game the following Saturday. When the score is 45-70 in favor of the opposing team, you end up taking a nasty fall after successfully scoring a point, causing a broken nose. 

So much for all the talks you had with Seungmin in the past days, you think to yourself as you catch his surprised gaze from across the rink. 

Maybe it’s also because of how you’ve been talking to him a lot lately about his concerns for you and this sport that he immediately rushes to your side as Yuna and Yeji help you walk from the rink to the locker room as Jaemin suddenly announces a short break. Quickly and gently taking your arm from Yeji’s shoulder from the sides of the rink, the next three minutes are a bit of a blur to you as Seungmin multitasks between examining your bruises, assuring your teammates that he can take care of you, and walking you to the nearest bathroom—all the while scolding you under his breath. 

You can only pout at him the whole way, letting him drag you along with him until he’s hoisting you up again on top of the sink counter much like every other Saturday. 

Except it feels a bit different this time, especially since Seungmin has never looked this worried since you started this sport 2 months ago.    

“Okay, let’s see that bloody nose again.” He asks you after a while, tilting your face downwards with his one hand (the other holding an ice pack from Jaemin) and scrunching up his nose with furrowed eyebrows. “Yikes.” 

“I’m sort of choking here a bit.” You point out, shifting uncomfortably in your place at the feeling of blood on your tongue and the realization that you also have small cuts on your lips. “Um...” 

You see his eyebrows furrow deeper in thought as he then turns to his side and places his backpack next to you, temporarily placing the ice pack in the space between your leg and his backpack and taking out a first aid kit. “That bad? Fuck.” He hisses under his breath, more to himself than to you, as he proceeds to prepare a whole bag of cotton balls, wipes, and ointment. “I can clean and ice this up but we’ll have to go immediately after this and get you checked out at the clinic across the street.” 

“Really?” You wince at seeing Seungmin hold up a wet wipe to your face. “So I can’t finish the game?” 

“You’re face is broken and you’re thinking about the game? Y/N, please...” He sighs disapprovingly at you, cupping your chin again and lightly dabbing on the trail of blood on your face with the wet wipe. “Try to hold in the pain for a bit while I clean your face and maybe try not to think about the game.” 

"Sorry...” You trail off, pouting up at Seungmin and earning you another sigh from him. 

“This is the worst I’ve seen you.” He muses out loud, his furrowed eyebrows slowly softening as he purses his lips. “What even happened back there? It was all too quick for me, to be honest.” 

“The other team’s jammer bumped me a bit too harsh.” You reply slowly, careful of the blood on your lips and the sting you feel from inhaling. In front of you, Seungmin unconsciously winces through carefully cleaning your face. “We were skating on the slope going up so I ended up hitting my face on the barriers.” 

“They’re visitors, right?” He asks you next and you nod quietly in response. “I’ll have to remind Jaemin to talk to them. If not, I’ll talk to them myself...” 

“Seungmin—”

“You fell really bad, they should be accountable.” He insists anyway. “Even if derby’s a violent sport, there are still limits to it and this is just too much.”     

You unconsciously mirror Seungmin’s frown the longer he stares down at the bloodied lower half of your face, your shoulders slouching deeply when he finally reaches the end of the drying red trail on your chin with his third wet wipe. The physical pain of a broken nose and a bruised lip can’t even compete with the guilt pooling in your stomach now as you observe your best friend’s disappointed expression, making you wince less and sigh more in front of him at knowing full well that it’s all because of how you played tonight. “Just say it already.”

“Say what?” He mumbles back, now with a raised eyebrow at you as he disposes off the used wet wipes next to you on top of the sink counter. He then passes you the ice pack, guiding your hands to slowly move it up to your nose. “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” 

You see the genuine anticipation in his eyes of what you meant by your words, making you look down on your free hand rested right on top of the faint bruise marks on your lap. “That I’m being stupid for pursuing this sport, that I should stop playing.” You answer quietly as you shift in your seat. “It’s just that we were talking about this exact thing for the whole week and then it happens and now you look so upset so I thought...” 

In front of you, you hear Seungmin sigh before gently tilting your chin up again, meeting your eyes with a soft gaze before moving his hands up to carefully massage your cheeks. “Ya, you’re not stupid,” He shakes his head. “you’re just clumsy sometimes but that’s because you keep forgetting that you’re supposed to be on wheels here and not blades.”

“Ya—”

“And this incident wasn’t your fault.” He adds after a while, when you don’t immediately speak. “I’m not mad at you, just frustrated. I’m mad at the other team, though.”

"Seungmin—” You huff in his touch, cracking a small and brief smile on his face.

“Anyway, I still think you should lessen playing, especially since the semester’s about to start again.” He interjects quickly before you can even say another word, briefly turning to your side to pass you another bundle of face tissues when he hears you sniffling. “but I’ll never ask you to stop playing completely because I know you really enjoy this. The same applies to the other one, of course.”

“Besides, what sport doesn’t involve getting hurt?” He adds as an after thought, taking out two plies of tissue for your incoming cold and the stray tear on your cheek.

“Um, board games?” You muse out loud as you take the tissues in his hands and place them in between your face and your ice pack, fully cracking his serious façade this time as he breaks into a scoff.

“You know what I mean.” You see Seungmin roll his eyes at you, making you purse your lips as a smile tries making its way on your cuts. When he sees your reaction, his thumb instinctively moves over to your bottom lip, stopping you from smiling. “Don’t smile, dummy, we just fixed that lip cut.”

The gesture makes your heart flip and your gaze unconsciously softens at him as you watch him dispose of all your trash with a small ‘alright, done.’ under his breath. “Have I told you I love you this week?” You speak in a low voice with no intention of sounding teasing at all this time, giving him a tight-lipped smile when he looks up at you again in confusion. “You’re the best, capt.” 

It takes him a moment to process your words, especially with the unusual tone in your voice. Eventually, you see him return your smile. “You already did. I’m just looking out for you as usual.” He shrugs bashfully, offering you a hand which you gladly accept when you stand. “I love you too...” 

“I know.” You nod, tugging on him by your intertwined hands and pressing a light kiss on his cheek when he tilts his head to your side. “I’m sorry again.” 

“You’re being soft all of a sudden.” He points out, biting down a small smile. “It’s probably the fall.” 

You roll your eyes at him, pressing the ice pack closer to your face. “How many minutes do I have to hold this ice again?” 

“If you’re thinking of throwing that on my face, I’ll have you know I can deny you entry on my game next Friday.” He warns, placing his hand on the ice pack again to check your wound. “Fifteen more minutes. I’ll text Jaemin and Yeji for now, the clinic should still be open at this time.” 

[becomingbts]

hiiiiii!! how are u doing?

hi love!! Sorry for kinda going mia for the last two weeks TT I've been alright even though it has been hectic! I have only one week left to submit my bachelor thesis, so I have to admit that I have put that in my top priority list for now! I also passed my master's entrance test,,, it was pretty okay I think! I have an oral presentation next week and then results so stressful process! I also tried to enjoy FESTA (watched the two days of the show it was INSANE) and PHEW with all the content we got BTS wise, my head just went all over the place! Fanfic-wise, the Seokjin one shot is soon ready! I just need to write the end and proofread, next moonchild chapter will be terrible because I still haven't started and GOD there is a lot to write LMAO And Time Heals chapter has also not been started but I already know what I want in it so it should be quick to do once I find the time! I honestly wanted to update you guys with the Seokjin one shot at least, but I'm still not done TT

I hope you're doing good anon! It has started getting hot where I am, so please be careful while going outside, don't stay too long under the sun, and stay hydrated!

Thank you for waiting for me everyone, I'll be trying my best very soon but right now, I have uni to finish! However, things are coming don't worry!! I can't wait to be back at uploading, I really miss it TT

Take care!!

Love you lots

[starbornvalkyrie]

what we could be | part one

A/N: This is a Modern AU Rowaelin fic, loosely inspired by some major events in my own life. I’m not sure how long it will be yet, or how often I’ll be able to post, but please enjoy my first fanfic ever!

Let's just… see what happens when I get back.

Those words have been running through Aelin’s mind non-stop. The bomb that Rowan dropped before his study abroad program in Wendlyn was Hiroshima to her heart. 

“I don't want you to feel obligated to stay loyal to me,” he’d said. “I don't want to make those kinds of promises yet.”

During the drive from the airport, Aelin cried. She drove straight to Lysandra’s house and cried some more. A week later, she was finally able to eat a full meal, only to throw it back up. The same with the two meals following that.

“I just don’t understand what was wrong, Lys. I thought we were on our way to a steady relationship.” Aelin sat on Lysandra’s bathroom floor, leaning against the toilet, and looked up at Lysandra who was perched on the edge of the tub.

“Nothing really went wrong, hon. I think Rowan is just being your stereotypical college guy. He met a girl who very well could be the mother of his children, which, naturally, made him panic. I mean, you remember what happened with Aedion.”

Aelin had to snort at that. Her older cousin, Aedion, is Lysandra’s fiancé. But years ago, there was a span of time when Aedion was the biggest idiot and asshole on the planet, failing to see the perfection staring him in the face. 

They had just graduated college, and Lysandra had just been accepted to the University of Adarlan to pursue her Master’s in Fashion Design. But Aedion was off to Perranth to start Basic Training for Terrasen’s Army. Needless to say, Aedion turned into a controlling bastard and tried to convince Lysandra to stay in Terrasen.

Lysandra said no, went to Adarlan, and when Aedion’s eight weeks of BT were over, they reconnected. By no means was it easy, but they made it through. The rest is history.

Aelin had to admit, Lysandra had a point. But that still doesn’t tell her what they do now. Did he say that so he can hook up with foreign chicks without guilt? Or does he think Aelin isn’t good enough?

“I know what you’re thinking, and no, it does not mean that you aren’t good enough.” Lysandra took one of her hands. “Aelin, sweetheart. I know how hard it is for you to be rejected, but look where you are right now. Ten years ago, you were barely a preteen fighting her way through the foster system--”

Aelin closed her eyes as the memories of Arobynn and Sam flooded her mind. Aelin’s parents were victims of a drive-by shooting when she was twelve years old. Aedion’s family didn’t know she existed until she had already endured five years of playing human punching bag and hiding her most prized possessions under her pants while she slept on the floor. At that point, however, it was too late for her Uncle Gavriel to claim guardianship. She only needed to last three more months in hell before she turned 18 and could attend Terrasen University.

Growing up, Aelin was always fueled by pure hope, by her fireheart, as her mother called it. But towards the end, even on her best days, she didn't think she’d make it out of there. She was forced to watch her favorite foster brother, Sam, be beaten to a pulp while another was sent to Juvie. All of her energy was put towards getting good grades and staying on Arobynn’s good side. The former was easy, she was always good at school.

The latter… Well, let’s just say there was an incident with a matchbox, Arobynn’s favorite wrist watch, and a can opener. Aelin still has a scar on her left brow from what went down after that.

“And now,” Lysandra’s voice brought her back to the present. “Now, you are a first generation college student about to graduate with a degree in Chemical Engineering. You alone got yourself a full ride to Terrasen U, and you alone have brought yourself back from the depths of hell to make something with the life the gods gave you.”

“But--”

Lysandra cut her off with a squeeze of her hands. “But nothing, Aelin. I don’t care if this man is your mate. I don’t care if you end up growing old and dying with him. You do not need him to dictate whether or not you are worth something.”

Aelin knew when to argue with Lysandra, but after those words, now was not one of those times.

Groaning, Aelin did what she does best: she got up from the floor and went on with her life. 

When classes rolled around in the third week of January, it was easy for her to forget about Rowan. She only had two more classes and her senior thesis standing between her and her Bachelor’s degree, which hopefully comes with an acceptance into the Pharmaceutical Engineering Master’s Program at Terrasen U.

Fire had always fascinated her. The bunsen burners and hot plates and mixing of chemicals spoke to her in a way that she couldn’t really put into words. But fire, while beautiful, can also destroy. So she chose a field that would allow her to burn while creating methods of healing.

It didn't hurt that her TA, Chaol Westfall, wasn’t bad to look at. Last semester, he had asked her out on a couple dates, but she was already starting to talk to Rowan. It didn’t matter now that the man in question is probably off with some bimbo from Doranelle. His loss, right?

About a month and a half into the semester, Aelin finally worked up the courage to ask Chaol to grab coffee after class. She was packing up her books to head home and get ready when the nausea hit. She haphazardly zipped her backpack and ran to the nearest restroom. As she rinsed her mouth in the sink, she mourned the chocolate cake that was now making its way to the Avery.

Her mourning quickly morphed into panic when she thought about what day it was. As she did the mental math, she ran out the door and beelined for her car. Thank the gods no police were on the road at this time because she definitely deserved a ticket for how fast she drove to the pharmacy, then to Lysandra’s.

Aelin sprinted up the steps to her front door as fast as she could and incessantly knocked on the door.

The door opened to reveal a man with his shirt half unbuttoned, hair in disarray. Aedion scowled at her. “You better have a good fucking excuse for interrupting, cousin.” He said it playfully, but Aelin didn't have the mental capacity to roll her eyes and play along.

She pushed past him and ran to the kitchen, not stopping to think about why she knows their fetishes. Lysandra is tucking her breast back into her dress when Aelin exclaims, “I’m late.”

Lysandra, bless her soul, knew exactly what she meant, and ran to her side. “How late? Did you take a test?”

Aelin let Lysandra guide her into a seat and listened to her command to breathe. “Not yet, but I picked one up on the way here.” She looked Lysandra in the eye. “I always get my period the last week of the month, no sooner, no later. I wasn’t really thinking about it last month because I was so busy planning out my thesis, but…”

“...but it’s the end of February and you still haven’t gotten it,” Lysandra finished for her. “Not to play the Mother Hen part, but were you and Rowan always safe? I thought you were on birth control?”

Aelin shook her head. “My body doesn’t handle birth control well, but Rowan always, always, used a condom. When we didn’t have any, we didn’t do it, end of story. Our relationship was so new, we didn’t even do it that much.”

“Okay, well, condoms aren’t always 100% effective, but let’s not jump to any conclusions. Let’s take this one step at a time. First, drink some water, then pee on the stick. I’ll be with you to read it, and then we’ll figure it out from there, got it?”

Aelin nodded, eternally grateful she didn’t have to go through this with Aedion. The Army must have done something right with his brain because he made himself scarce after he answered the door.

She did the deed, opened the door for Lysandra, and they both sat on the floor holding hands for three minutes.

Aelin already knew what it would show.

Two solid pink lines.

Positive.

---

to my tag list: hello, i’m back, and currently in the process of uploading the rest of this fic! please let me know if you do not want to be on my list anymore, or if you would like to be added! love y’all!

@maddymelv​ || @lucy617​ || @tillyrubes10​ || @faerie-queen-fireheart​ || @tottenhamboys20​ || @the-third-me​ || @superspiritfestival​ || @rolltide7​ || @courtofjurdan​ || @sleeping-and-books​ || @aelinchocolatelover​

[ificanthaveu]

Hot Chocolate and Other Things That Taste Like Peppermint || Shawn Mendes

Description: It’s finals week, and you’re ready to head home for the holidays to see someone you haven’t seen in months. Shawn will do anything to not let that happen.

Description per my notes (aka a jumbled mess): it’s semester break and I have to tell u how I feel before you go back and see that high school friend you’ll inevitably hook up with

A/N: HAPPY DAY 1 OF FICMAS! I forgot it was day one and didn’t edit this pice until right before I posted it oops. But she cute and she here so ENJOY

Word Count: 3k

12 Days of Ficmas

The incessant pounding on your door made the bells hung on it jingle like crazy. You sighed and finished typing your paragraph. Whoever was there could wait. You took a sip of the peppermint hot chocolate you had treated yourself to and went to answer the door, mug still in hand, hair a mess, still in pajamas, with your glasses pushed down your nose. Happy finals week.

The knocking began again, and you swung the door open, making the bells slam against the wall.

“What?” You said with a little too much anger.

“Where is your Christmas spirit?” Shawn said as he gave you a look.

“It’s on hold until finals week is done, and I’m on my way home for a whole, beautiful, month,” you said, taking another sip and a deep breath. 

He glanced down at your mug and then back up to you.

“Peppermint?” He questioned.

You rolled your eyes and nodded your head, “I’m not a complete Scrooge.”

You left the door open and walked back into your room, sitting at your desk and setting the mug down. Shawn found his place on your futon next to you, playing with the lights dangling off your desk.

“What do you want?” You asked, giving him a look.

He stopped playing with the lights and looked back at you before saying, “I need you to proofread my Sociology paper.”

“No,” you said simply.

“Please, [Y/N], I will owe you for the rest of my life, but you know I get, like, a whole letter grade up when you proofread them. I can’t afford to get a bad grade on this,” he begged.

“Shawn, I have my own paper to finish, two in-class exams to study for and a presentation to prep for, which we both know never goes well,” you said as you pulled your feet up onto your chair. 

“I’ll help you with your presentation!” He said a little too loudly. “I’m great at public speaking, so you can practice on me, and I’ll give you advice.”

You stared at him as you thought this out. You really did need his help with this presentation. And it probably wouldn’t take any longer than a half-hour to proofread his paper.

“Fine,” you sighed. “I’ll proofread it tonight, but you can’t go doing something else while I’m doing it. You’re sitting with me, and we’re going through it together.”

“You’re literally a lifesaver. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he repeated. 

“Now, no offense, but I have to finish my own paper. So, get the fuck out,” you said as you turned back towards your computer.

You heard him sigh and stand up from his spot before patting you on the shoulder. 

“Does 7:00 work?” He asked while looking over your shoulder at what you were writing.

“Yep,” you said, unflinching. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just walk myself out,” he said dramatically. 

“It’s a dorm room. It’s ten feet,” you said. 

“Ouch,” was the last thing you heard before he shut the door behind him. 

You glanced at the clock and leaned back in your chair. It was 4:00, which meant you had three hours to finish the last few pages of your paper, proofread it, and eat dinner. Looked like you’d be ordering in. 

It was 6:55 when you were finishing up your last slice of pizza and proofreading the hard copy of your paper in front of you, marking things in red pen to fix on your laptop later. You made a few final corrections on the last page before reaching for your computer to fix the mistakes. A knock on your door interrupted you.

“It’s unlocked,” you yelled as you tried to correct your mistakes quickly.

Shawn came walking in with his backpack and sat down next to you on the futon, pulling his legs up into a pretzel and pulling out his laptop. 

“I just have a few more corrections, and then I’ll help you. You can have some pizza,” you said through a mouthful. 

Shawn shrugged and grabbed a slice, watching you as you did your corrections. You sighed as you corrected one final thing and submitted your paper. You slammed your laptop shut and set it next to you.

“I am one fourth done with finals week,” you said with a smile as Shawn handed you his laptop.

“Ok, cool, now read my paper,” he said, still eating the pizza. 

“You didn’t just print it out?” You asked as you glanced at him.

“Why would I do that?” He questioned.

“It’s easier to see mistakes on paper,” you said like he was just supposed to know that. 

“It’s a waste of paper,” he rebutted.

“Fine,” you gave in as you started to read his paper. “Shawn, I’m one sentence in, and it’s already a run-on.”

“No, it’s not. There’s a comma,” he said as he pointed at the spot you were talking about. 

“Semicolon or comma and a fanboy,” you reminded him.

“A what?” He asked.

“FANBOY - for, and, nor, but, or, yet,” he rattled off as you continued to skim through his first paragraph. 

“Huh,” he said as he took his laptop and replaced his comma with a semicolon. “This is why I need you,” he said as he gave you that smile that made your heart flutter. 

“Also, your thesis is weak as fuck,” you whispered.  

Shawn slammed his head back against your futon and closed his eyes. 

“My whole paper is based on that thesis,” he whispered, barely audible. “That’s the point of the thesis.”

“And that’s fine. You just need to tighten it up. It’s way too broad. Just pick specific points that you talk about in your paragraphs and replace the vagueness,” you lectured. 

“Alright,” he mumbled before working on fixing his thesis. You took this as your moment to check your phone for the first time in hours.

You had too many facebook notifications and a few snapchats along with a lot of emails. You kept scrolling until a text caught your eyes.

“Shut the fuck up,” he said under your breath as you opened it and stood up. 

“What’s up?” Shawn said while glancing up at you and then back down at his computer. 

“Hayden texted me,” you said as you gestured to your phone.

“And he is?” Shawn asked as he kept looking at his paper.

“We kind of had a thing in high school? I don’t know how to describe it, I guess. We just flirted a lot and made out every once in a while, but we haven’t talked in months,” you explained as you kept staring at his text.

“What’d he say?”

“When do you come home? I have to see you!” You read out loud.

“Is that his way of asking you on a date?” Shawn scoffed. By then, he had his laptop set to the side, fully invested in what was going on with you and this guy he’d never heard of. 

“Probably not…” you said quietly as you trailed off. “It’s just been a while. He wants to catch up.”

“Why now? Why not over Thanksgiving break?” Shawn pointed out. 

You shrugged your shoulders and sat back down. 

“I don’t know,” you mumbled. “I guess it’s a little weird.”

“I know why,” Shawn said confidently without elaborating.

“And?” 

“Well, first, who wouldn’t want to see you? But that’s not the point. Second, you posted that picture last week on Instagram. The one of you and me at my formal,” he explained.

“I forgot about that,” you mumbled, trying not to think too deep into the first part of his statement.

“And third, who doesn’t want a hometown friend to hook up with over Christmas break when your regular college hookups are back at their own homes?” Shawn said. 

“Well, you’ve got a point,” you said. 

“So are you going to?” Shawn asked hesitantly.

“See him or hook up with him?” You asked.

“Both.”

“I’m going to see him, and I guess I’ll see where things go,” you said with a glint of hope in your voice.

Shawn didn’t say anything, as he handed his laptop back to you.

“Is that better?” He asked.

You skimmed over his new thesis and nodded your head. “Perfect. Much better.”

Hayden was long forgotten as you dove back into Shawn’s paper.

Shawn didn’t forget. 

It’s all he thought about for the next week. He tried his hardest to focus on the finals he needed to study for, but he couldn’t go more than fifteen minutes before his mind wandered off to you and whoever Hayden was. 

His curiosity got the best of him, and he searched for his Instagram. It was exactly what he expected it to be. Typical frat boy, obnoxious, “I peaked in high school,” energy. He had no idea what you saw in him.

“Who’s that?” Brian said and Shawn nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me,” Shawn said as he locked his phone and tossed it aside.

“Who was it?” Brian repeated as he motioned to Shawn’s phone.

“No one,” Shawn said quietly. 

“Bull shit.”

“Alright, it’s [Y/N]’s hometown friend who wants to ‘see her’ over break,” he explained, putting up quotes. 

“What’s the problem with that?” Brian said as he sat down and gave Shawn the look he was dreading.

“He’s disgusting. That’s the problem. [Y/N] deserves better,” he said sternly.

“Why don’t you just tell her?” Brian asked.

“Tell her what?” Shawn replied, playing clueless. 

“That you’ve been in love with her since the moment you met her,” Brian stated.

Shawn sighed and rested his head in his hands. 

“I was hoping that would just come out naturally, or she’d figure it out on her own. I can’t just walk up to her and go, ‘hey, it’d be cool if you loved me like I love you,’ but it doesn’t happen that way,” Shawn rambled.

“You either tell her and it goes well, you don’t tell her and she hooks up with that dick or you tell her, and it doesn’t go well and she hooks up with him,” Brian said with a shrug.

“That last option is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard,” Shawn said slowly.

“But it’s highly unlikely. I’ve seen you two together. You took her to formal. You almost kissed her at formal, but that’s a whole other thing,” Brian said and gave him a look.

“I’m meeting her in her room tonight to help her with her presentation,” Shawn said as he glanced at the clock and stood up. “Actually, I have to get going.”

“Is this the last time you’re seeing her before you go home?” Brian asked as Shawn shoved his things in his backpack. 

“Yeah, it is,” he paused. “She has her presentation first thing in the morning, and she leaves right after it. I’m still in my final when she leaves.”

“Then you better make your decision quickly,” Brian asked as he pulled out his laptop to study for his upcoming exam.

“Thanks for the advice,” Shawn mumbled.

“Anytime.”

Shawn stopped at the cafe on the way to your dorm building, grabbing you a peppermint hot chocolate and himself a coffee. He attempted to pull his hat down onto his ears to protect them from the wind, but it was no use. 

He kicked your door with his foot a few times since his hands were full. You swung the door open, and he handed you your drink without saying a word.

“Peppermint hot chocolate?” You asked, taking a sip of it.

“Of course,” he said with a smile. “I would’ve gotten you the peppermint mocha, but if you have caffeine now, there’s no way you’ll sleep for your presentation.”

“I’m already not going to sleep, so what’s the point?” you said as you plopped down on your futon, setting the cup on your desk next to you. Shawn sat down next to you, admiring the way the multicolor Christmas lights lit up your face, even if you were frowning.

“You know you’re going to do great. You’ve just gotta practice with me a little bit, and then you’ll be fine,” he said as you faced him. 

“Let’s get this done with,” you mumbled as you stood up and grabbed your tablet. You pulled your presentation up on your TV and took a deep breath before starting, trying not to look down at your notes too often.

Shawn barely even looked at your presentation, mostly watching how you talked about it. Since it was a public speaking class, you got to choose whatever topic you wanted. You chose to talk about the service work you had done with disabled kids that past summer. 

You finished the presentation and waited for Shawn to say something. He finally snapped out of his daze and clapped his hands a few times.

“That was actually really good,” he said with surprise in his voice.

“Why do you sound so shocked?” You said, slightly offended.

“Well, you stress out for these things, when you actually know what you’re talking about. It’s obvious you’re really passionate about it, and you only glanced down at your notes a few times to say the statistics, which is good. My only note is to slow down. You’re talking a little too fast,” Shawn explained.

“I talk fast when I get nervous,” you reminded him.

“Well then fix it,” he replied.

“It’s not that easy,” you complained.

“Just talk as slow as you possibly think you can. It’ll end up being a normal speed because of how nervous you are,” he said. 

You nodded your head and scrolled to the top of your notes and started the presentation over. You started speaking again, first talking about the first time you met with the kids. You couldn’t help but notice how Shawn looked at you. 

You finished it once again, and Shawn nodded his head.

“Perfect. Looks like an A+ to me,” he said with a shrug.

You breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Ok, let me do this one slide again.”

You went back to the one you messed up on as your phone vibrated. You had left it on the table, so Shawn glanced down at it. His heart dropped.

“Hayden texted you,” he mumbled, interrupting you halfway through your presentation. 

You gave him a look before finishing off the slide. 

“You could’ve just waited until I was done,” you said, giving him the same look again.

“Well, I know how you feel about him. Just thought you wanted to know,” he said with no emotion in his voice. 

You grabbed your phone off the table and put it in your pocket without looking at the message. 

“You’re not going to look at it?” Shawn asked, confusion in his voice.

“Not important right now. Now actually listen to this slide,” you said before starting over. 

Shawn crossed his arms over his chest, his loving expression from just minutes ago was replaced by the one you didn’t see very often.

“Ok, what the fuck is your problem?” You asked after you finished your presentation. 

“Nothing.”

“Shawn, seriously,” you said as you crossed your arms and looked at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I think Hayden seems like a dick,” he finally said.

“You’ve never met him.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You ran your hands down your face and rubbed your eyes a few times. 

“I don’t think you should see him over break,” Shawn said slowly and quietly. 

You walked over to Shawn and sat on the coffee table across from him, your knees hitting his. 

“Why?” You asked.

He didn’t look at you, just stared down at his hands. 

“Shawn,” you said quietly. “Why don’t you want me to go on this date with Hayden?”

He finally looked up at you, noting the change in your voice, the irritation being replaced with that soft sound of your voice that he always craved.

“You know the answer, don’t you?” He said quietly. 

You nodded your head in response, “Yeah, I think I do.”

He didn’t say anything, just leaned back and rested his arms over his face. 

“But I need you to say it out loud,” you said, leaning your elbows on your knees. 

“What are you going to say back?” He whispered. 

“Guess you’ll find out.”

Shawn took a deep breath before saying, “I think I’m falling in love with you, and the thought of you hooking up with some guy that isn’t me over Christmas break, where I don’t get to see you for a month, makes me sick.”

“I’m not seeing him,” you responded a little too quickly.

He looked up at you with a confused look.

“I told him that it probably wasn’t a good idea,” you paused. “Because I didn’t want to ruin what I think could happen with someone here.”

Shawn didn’t try to hide the smile on his face as he said, “Who’s the someone?”

You rested your head in your hand and mumbled, “Do I have to say it?”

“You made me say it, now you have to,” you heard his voice from just inches away from you. 

You looked up, his nose almost hitting yours. 

“It’s you,” you paused. “I didn’t want to ruin what I thought could maybe happen with you.”

Shawn cupped your cheek in his hand, and you leaned into his touch. You both leaned in as he kissed you, holding your face in both his hands as you rested yours on his knees. He pulled away after a moment, looking at you with that look before pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“You taste like peppermint,” he mumbled against your forehead. You couldn’t help the laugh that came out as you pushed him back against the futon and straddled his lap. 

“Want to taste it again?” You said before leaning in again, your presentation long forgotten, as you let your Christmas spirit hold break a little earlier than planned. 

P.S. I wanted to name this “Peppermint Kisses,” but that clearly gave the ending away. 

REBLOG, SEND ME MESSAGES, ASKS, REPLYS ANNNYYTTHHIIINNGGG

taglist (message/send me an ask/reply to be added for ficmas!!) 

@fallinallincurls​ @shawnblrficawards​

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[lin--zhang]

overexertion | mic&lin

who // micaiai lemeur & lin zhang when // friday, august 14, 2022 where // micaiai’s apartment what // lin and micaiai are meant to have a simple dinner in, but lin’s headache gets in their way.  notes // fluff

@micaiai-lemeur

It had been a busy couple of weeks for Lin. With classes looming just around the corner, and his thesis on the agenda for completion within the next two semesters, along with the work he was doing as a research assistant, he was exhausted, hours packed with work and research. When Micaiai invited him over for dinner, Lin was happy to accept. But now that he was at the Dominant's door, there was a headache behind his eyes, and he felt tired beyond belief. Still, he smiled, albeit a little weakly, as he knocked on the door and waited to be greeted.

Inviting Lin over for dinner seemed like the next logical step for Mic. He was being gentle with the boy so as to not scare him away, but he also wanted to make his more serious interests in the other known. He’d prepared them a simple dinner and was setting the food down when he heard a knock on the door. Smiling, he walked to the door and pulled it open. “Lin— come in.” He motioned him in.

Lin smiled a little nervously when Mic opened the door. He still felt some butterflies when he was alone with the Dominant. And this was intimate. They were together in his home. "Thank you for having me," he said politely as he entered the space. The headache behind his eyes pounded slightly, and his smile fell for a second. "Uh...did you have a good day today?"

“Of course.” Mic responded before catching the way the others smile faltered. For a moment he thought that maybe Lin was worried about being in his home. Throwing caution to the wind and reached to brush his fingers across the others cheek. “Are you alright?”

"Hm...?" Lin hummed before nodding his head, eyes slightly widened as the Dominant touched his cheek. He didn't want to impose worry on Mic. "Yes, I'm okay. Sorry. It's just a little headache that I'm sure will go away in no time. Nothing to worry about."

It didn’t abate any worry Mic was having about the other but he smiled and decided to simply keep an eye on it. “Come on...” he guided the submissive into a spot at the table before moving to the kitchen to get a tall glass of water. “I want you to drink all of that.”

Lin let Micaiai lead him to the kitchen, sitting down at the table, and watched as the Dominant retrieved a very full glass of water for him. "Thank you. It's really unnecessary," he said, but he did as he was told and started to drink the water. It never hurt to be more hydrated. Even as he said it, he could feel his body sinking into the chair, relieved to be off his feet after long hours in the lab. "It happens sometimes after a long day." Long weeks really and about to get longer when classes resumed.

“I disagree. Water is always important.” Mic moved again and went into the kitchen to retrieve their food. “How often?” He asked, concerned. He set down the plate of chicken and rice in front of the other. “Afraid I’m not overly creative in the kitchen.”

"True," Lin agreed. "I meant your concern though." He gave the Dominant another weak smile. "Maybe a couple times a week. This week was...a lot. I'm getting ready for classes to start again and working and..." Lin paused and smiled. "I'm sorry. I'm speaking entirely too much about myself right now."

Mic shook his head, “I think my concern will always be warranted.” He responded, eyes moving over the others face. He was listening patiently when Lin cut himself off. “No you are not. I asked.” He frowned, “How often are you submitting? Or even taking a mental break?”

"Oh um..." Lin hesitated and thought about when the last time was that he knelt for anyone. "It might have been...some weeks ago. It's hard to remember." Mental breaks too were scarce lately. The book he'd been reading for enjoyment was sitting on his nightstand at home, quite abandoned, and he'd hardly done any skateboarding. "Sorry," he said again, knowing this all probably made him look bad to Mic.

Mic was really frowning then, eyes full of more concern than he should probably let show. “Don’t apologize, but I think you know that it’s affecting your health. I promise I’m only concerned.” He sighed and looked to the plates of food. “Eat some of that, please, and finish all the water. Then we can discuss it more.”

Lin had forgotten that food had even been placed in front of him. "Okay. Thank you for cooking for us," he said in a quiet voice before starting to eat. It was good. Lin liked simple meals, and this was a classically simple meal. Chicken and rice. "It's very good." It did make him feel a little better to sit down and eat a meal instead of downing something quickly. So he ate some and then finished the rest of his water.

Mic did smile fondly then, “You are welcome.” He hoped the other didn’t misconstrue his intentions here. They weren’t established as anything and he did not want to push the other too hard or too fast. He ate his own food, “Almost like comfort food to me.”

Lin nodded, agreeing with the Dominant. "It is. Warm and simple and tastes very good." More elaborate dishes could be nice too, but right now, this was the perfect meal. There was a little more ease in Lin's body, just slightly, as he did what Mic told him to do. Just a small relief.

Mic offered another smile and then lapses into silence. It wasn’t his normal behavior but he felt like Lin might need a couple of moments to gather his thoughts and settle in their current space. Once they were both done with their dinner they could more seriously discuss what was going on.

Lin didn't mind silence at all. Not usually. Right now, it was mixed for him. He worried a bit that he'd shown a not so professional side of himself to Mic. He didn't want the Dominant to think that he couldn't handle himself. He didn't want him to suddenly decide Lin wasn't worth his time. All the while, the pounding behind his eyes continued, though it lessened slightly as he ate. When he finished eating, he gave Mic a smile, despite his fears. "Thank you. Again. It was very good."

Mic finished his own food, glad to see that the other finished the water and ate most of his food. "Thank you, Lin." He said as he stood up to take his plate. He moved to drop the plates off in the kitchen before he was returning back to the other, "Come... Will you sit on the couch with me?" He held a hand out for Lin.

Lin nodded his head slowly and took Mic's hand before getting up from the table. He followed the Dominant to the couch and sat down, glancing at Mic, wondering what he was thinking. He tried to ignore his headache and his own anxiety over what might happen next.

Mic moved them both to the couch. After a moment, he cleared his throat and asked softly. “Would you like to kneel for me, Lin? I would like that very much.” It was obvious to him that the submissive needed something.

Lin looked at Mic, eyes wide at the question he’d just asked. Kneel? Lin had never done that for anyone other than family or someone at the brothel when necessary, always keeping the scene PG. He wondered what Mic might expect from a submissive that knelt for him. “U-Uh...sure. Yes, of course I’d like to.” He blushed, feeling awkward.

There were no other expectations on Mic’s part except for the kneeling. Reaching over for a pillow, he settled it at his feet and smiled at the man. “Come. Kneel here.” His hand slowly guided Lin. “Kneel in whatever position is most comfortable for you. You may rest your head on my thigh if you desire.”

Lin moved carefully, slowly, and knelt on the pillow. "Um...thank you," he said quietly, taking a moment to look up at Micaiai with uncertain eyes. He eventually leaned forward to rest his head on the Dominant's thigh, the headache making itself present.

Mic hoped that Lin would slowly begin to relax around him. All he could do was try his best to keep the other at ease. If he had to admit one thing, it was that he liked seeing the other on his knees before him. He dropped a hand down and ran it slowly through his hair. “Just relax... breathe for me.”

Lin thought the hand moving through his hair was very nice. He closed his eyes and did his best to relax, head still resting on Mic’s thigh, and breathed deeply as instructed.

Mic wanted to stay like this for some time. Simply to enjoy the way Lin felt leaning against him. He continued to run his fingers through Lin’s hair, fingertips occasionally rubbing against his scalp.

Lin wondered if it would count as submitting if he fell asleep like this. Micaiai’s fingers in his hair were making him want to do exactly that. His own fingers found their way to the hem of Mic’s pant leg, unconsciously fiddling with the fabric.

Mic continued his motions, urging the man to just relax and let go for a moment. Whatever was going on, it had clearly taken a lot of him and he just wanted to take care of Lin. He smiled fondly as the other played with his pants.

Lin started to drift off. The hand in his hair was soothing. Eventually his own hands stopped their fidgeting and stilled in his own lap. He would remain there as long as Mic wanted him to, resting against his thigh and finding some stillness.

Mic allowed Lin to stay there for awhile longer, his mind drifting slightly. It was later when he finally pulled his hand free and gently nudged Lin, “Come here, sweetheart.” He responded softly as he urged Lin up towards the couch. He guided the submissive, wanting him to sit close to him.

Lin opened his eyes at the sound of Mic's voice and the feeling of being nudged. Looking up at the Dominant with sleepy eyes, he nodded and slowly got up off of his kneels, letting Mic lead him back to the couch. He rubbed his knees a little bit and then let his hands rest in his lap again.

"Good boy." Mic couldn't help but let the sentence slip free, hand moving out to brush against his cheek gently. "Are you feeling any better now?" He asked softly.

Lin wasn't sure what it was about hearing Mic say those words. Good boy. "Mm." he said, rubbing his eyes a little bit. "A fair bit, yes." The headache pounded less, becoming more of a dull ache.

"Good... I am glad..." Mic let out a deep sigh and looked the other over as he thought of how to approach what was on his mind. "Lin... This is probably not my place... but how often do you submit to others?"

Lin tilted his head and thought about how to answer. "I...forget sometimes when I'm preoccupied." He wore a sheepish expression. "I kneel for my brother when I can."

Mic reached out and ran a hand through Lin's hair again as he spoke, "I think that is something that we should work on, what do you think?" He responded softly, "Especially if this is going somewhere a little more serious."

Lin looked at Mic with some surprise in his expression. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to take on my needs just because I’ve been irresponsible.” He bit his lip, glance drifting. “Do you...think we’re going somewhere serious...?”

Mic shook his head, "I don't need you to apologize-- that is not a burden to me in the least, Lin." He didn't want the other to feel like he couldn't come to him. "I would like to think so... or at least, I would like to pursue the possibility if you did."

Lin could only sit there and wonder why. Why was Micaiai even interested in him? Lin felt like an imposter, like he'd been portraying some normal person who had lived a normal life, had had a normal amount of lovers for someone his age, but the truth was that he was just plain weird. "I would like that but...I think I've been giving you a wrong impression of myself. I've never actually...been with anyone before. I don't really know how to do any of this..."

Mic offered the man a smile as he spoke, “You don’t have to know, Lin...” he wasn’t exactly surprised by his lack of experience but he had still been trying to tread carefully. “I also don’t want to push you too far...” be cleared his throat, “so I need you to be open with me. Tell me when you like something and when you don’t.”

"You're not pushing me too far," Lin said. He just wondered why out of all the people Vannes had to offer, people who had seen and done more than Lin, how it was that Micaiai was still there. Still, he slowly nodded his head. "I'll tell you..." he said, blushing bashfully.

“Good boy.” Mic couldn’t help but let the words slip out again as his hand dropped down to his neck. “I’d still like to talk more about you submitting— I think you need to find a more regular routine. Whether that be the brothel or... if you’d like... you may come and kneel for me whenever you please.”

Micaiai had told Lin to say when he liked something or didn't like something, right? So Lin put a hand over Micaiai's and gave him a small smile. "I...like when you touch me this way," he admitted, still blushing quite a bit. "And I'd like it...if I could kneel for you regularly."

Mic was grinning then, “then I will keep touching you like that.” He told the other, fingers gently dancing across the skin of his neck. “It can be arranged...” he hummed and inched a little closer to the submissive. “May I kiss you?”

Lin kept his hand over Mic's gently, allowing him to do as he pleased. When the Dominant leaned in closer, he felt a spike of apprehension in his chest, naturally nervous, but also a bit excited. "Yes," he said simply.

Mic didn't hesitate when he got the permission and lean in so that he could steal a kiss from the man's lips. He was gentle in his movements, but also made it clear just how much he desired Lin.

Lin felt a little clumsy in the kiss at first, could feel the heat rush to his face in response to his inexperience. But Mic’s lips were soft and Lin leaned into the experience of kissing him, gradually growing more familiar and comfortable.

Mic was only glad the other was being receptive to the kiss. He deepened the kiss for a moment before he was pulling back,  “I shouldn’t let myself get carried away.”

When Mic pulled back, Lin looked at him, at first unsure if there was something wrong, but the Dominant's expression reassured him. "Mm...what if...I wanted you to?" Lin felt incredibly shy, very nervous, but he did have desires.

Mic grinned, “You want to?” He was worried about going too fast but he couldn’t deny that he wanted Lin. “If you want... then we can go there.” He told the other.

Lin smiled a little sheepishly. "I...I mean...of course, I do want. Maybe...maybe not today. I just...don't want you to think you have to treat me delicately just because I never..."

Mic nodded his head in understanding, a hand reaching out to brush across the smooth skin of his cheek. "Well... I'll have you know... that I do want to-- but I never want to pressure you." He told the other, making the line clear. "Sweet boy." He smiled.

Lin nodded his head, unable to stop the smile on his face when he heard Mic’s title for him. “Then...maybe sometime soon we could...you know...” Have sex. Lin had turned off that side of him, convinced he had other more important things to do, but Mic was changing quite a lot of his formerly held perceptions of himself.

The dominant laughed then, “Yes... that sounds like a pleasant idea indeed.” He tucked his head down suddenly so he could press his lips to Lin’s neck. The boy was positively beautiful to him and he intended on showing him every moment he got.

Lin was a little surprised by the move to kiss his neck, but he certainly didn't mind it one bit. He focused on that spot, where Mic's lips met his skin, the way his skin tingled there. He wondered if he'd ever get so used to it that he didn't hyper focus on it like this.August 23, 2020

The dominant pressed a few more kisses to the smooth expanse to the others neck before pulling back and grinning at the submissive. “What would you like to do now? We can watch a movie... get all spread out here and just relax. If your head is feeling alright of course.”

Lin let himself relax a little bit when Micaiai pulled back, resting against the couch cushions. "A movie sounds nice," he said. His headache had dulled some and was more than manageable now. Enough so that a movie would be just fine.  

[peppersjam]

My Top 10 Albums of 2019

2019 presented me with a handful of incredible events and memories (I turned 30, I got married, etc.), while also serving me a big challenge (my partner is temporarily living on the other side of the country). In a poetic world, these things would have a significant impact on the music that I listened to and loved, but no, not really. This year is pretty on the nose for me, music-wise. Oh, except that I got really into Taylor Swift in the second half of the year.

Before we hop into boring Steve's boring top 10 list, let's revisit the 2018 list. The only album on the list that I barely listened to in 2019 was Cardi's Invasion of Privacy. Everything else gets at least semi-regular spins, although I'd elevate Historian, boygenius, and Big Red Machine above these others.

My biggest disappointment this year was Charli XCX's CHARLI, which is a solid album, but it didn't grab me nearly as much as Pop 2 did a couple years ago. It hasn't stuck in my rotation.

Runners up:

Bon Iver - "i,i" (I love it when I listen to it, but for some reason I'm not often compelled to listen to it)

Ariana Grande - "thank u, next" (Staple of early 2019, but fell off)

Carly Rae Jepsen - "Dedicated" (Great, but I'd rather listen to E•MO•TION)

Taylor Swift - "Lover" (Some true standout tracks, like Lover and Paper Rings, but too many cloyboys and CRJ rip-offs)

Weyes Blood - "Titanic Rising" (I could see this growing on me over the years, like a Radiohead record)

And the pre-2019 albums that should've made my respective yearly lists:

Beyoncé - "4" (2011)

Beyoncé - "BEYONCE" (2013)

Big Thief - "Capacity" (2017)

Big Thief - "Masterpiece" (2016)

Perfume Genius - "No Shape" (2017)

Snail Mail - "Lush" (2018)

Taylor Swift - "Red" (2012)

10. Big Thief – U.F.O.F

Early in the year, I "discovered" Big Thief. I don't know how I missed them before. Specifically, the song "Masterpiece" got right up in my brain and has been hanging out there since. Then Big Thief gave us U.F.O.F. which was yet another great Big Thief album. See #3 below.

9. Andrew Bird – My Finest Work Yet

Look, I'll stop putting Andrew Bird records on my end-of-year lists when he stops making them.

Andrew Bird turned a corner with the release of Are You Serious where he basically acknowledged that he was now going to work with other people and write scrutable songs. It was a good album, but My Finest Work Yet refines this Andrew Bird 2.0 and delivers some of his... finest work yet ("Sisyphus," "Manifest," "Olympians"). While I still prefer earlier Andrew Bird (A Nervous Tic Motion into Fake Palindromes into Measuring Cups... my gosh, that's 10 incredible minutes of music), I understand why he's moved on to something else.

8. JPEGMAFIA – All My Heroes Are Cornballs

I've been in a rap rut. Kanye is putting out self-indulgent gospel albums. Chance and Drake are boring now. JAY Z is working with the NFL.

But the rut is mostly a lack of imagination on my part. There's a lot of rap out there that hasn't made it through my naive filter, and I want to seek more of it out in 2020. Case in point: JPEGMAFIA. He's weird, political, funny... all the things that the aforementioned rappers aren't (or at least, aren't anymore). All My Heroes Are Cornballs is the most hypnotic rap album I've listened to in years. The glitchy beats and effortless flow makes it impossible to turn off mid-album.

7. BROCKHAMPTON – Ginger

GINGER is a proper follow-up to the SATURATION trilogy. While Iridescence had some good tracks on it, the overall experience was jarring (not without reason, given what the group was going through with Ameer). GINGER reads (ok, plays) like an album in a way that the Saturations never did. While it may be spiritually linked to the Satursation, it's a complete departure sonically. Even though it's more constrained and less bombastic than their hits from that era, it feels much bigger and, ahem, More Important. That might not be to the taste of some of their fans, but I'm happy to have both versions of BROCKHAMPTON in my music library.

6. Lana Del Rey – Norman Fucking Rockwell!

Music publications couldn't get over the fact that on NFR!, Lana, yes LANA DEL REY, was wordsmithing at a high level. Is it that hard to believe that someone would become a better poet as they gained more life experiences, inching closer to the mystical 10,000 hours? Some of the praise may have gone a little overboard (and, frankly, seems rooted in a narrow, misogynistic view of Who Can Do Music Good™️™️™️), but I agree with the underlying principle of the praise: that this is a collection of well written and well performed songs. It has my favorite album closer of the year, "Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have - but I Have It." I get chills just thinking about it.

5. Clairo – Immunity

I enjoyed my first listen.

On my second listen, I wondered if it was maybe too simple. I didn't listen again for several months.

But then, when I was working from Pittsburgh the week before Christmas, I listened again. And I couldn't stop listening. It's simpler music than many of the albums on this list, but it appeals to me for the same reason I had a fixation with Snail Mail's Lush this year: it's incredible that songs that sound so "simple" (and I truly do not mean simple in an insulting way) can still be different than anything we've heard before, and can still transfix us in new ways. Behold ye, the power of combinatorics!

4. Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride

Channel Orange to Blonde was 4 years. There's nothing you can do to get your favorite artists to make music faster. There's some beauty in that... that if an artist is financially successful enough, they don't need to rush.

Modern Vampires of the City to Father of the Bride was 6 years (i.e., 20% of my lifetime). But at least there are no duds here, and "Harmony Hall" might sneak into my hypothetical favorite-songs-of-all-time pantheon.

3. Big Thief – Two Hands

Oh, but then a few months later, Big Thief gave us another album. They started working on it right after they finished U.F.O.F, which tracks based on every interview I've read with Adrianne Lenker. She talked about the insane touring and album release schedule they've been on in the past four years, but her point wasn't "I'm getting tired," but rather "let's see if I can do this forever." I saw them play at The Fillmore after they released Two Hands and I got the sense that Adrianne has to make and perform music. She was uncomfortable engaging in the standard nearly-identical pleasantries that artists share with the audience. She was shy. She was surprised to find that we were hanging on her every word and chord. It was relatable. She's the closest to a genius I've seen in an indie rock band in the last several years, although I'm sure she'd hate anyone calling her that.

That genius produced Two Hands, an affecting indie rock record that practically demands that you close your eyes because you need to experience it and only it.

2. Tyler, the Creator – IGOR

This year, I listened to IGOR over and over again. The hooks, verses, beats, and vibe are all infectious. Boring Steve says "hey, look, it's just a great album." I don't have a deeper thought about it. I eagerly await Tyler's next project.

1. Nilüfer Yanya – Miss Universe

This year, like 2009 a decade ago, was an exciting year to be an indie rock fan. Vampire Weekend and Bon Iver cemented their elder ("elder") statesperson statuses, Big Thief came into their own as a true force of nature, and acts like Clairo and Nilüfer made me extremely jazzed about the Ghost of Indie Future.

Nilüfer has a unique and delightful voice that punches through some really fun songwriting and arrangements. Like, what a dumb, awesome lyric:

Although I cannot tell if I'm paranoid

Or it's all in my head, it's all in my head

Miss Universe is her debut full-length album, and it's a lovable and off-kilter thesis statement for what I assume will be a lovable and off-kilter music career. I can better explain why some of the other albums on this list are great, but suffice it to say, the system rewards unique performances.

[stvrshinc]

  °✧｡× :  (  zendaya coleman + non-binary +  they/them )  ───  welcome to roselake village, lydia beckett !  oh, well, i suppose you’ve been here for three months, so perhaps you already know your way around the town. well, you are the twenty-two year old scientist, though, right ? the harvest sprites told me about you ! they said you do not believe in the harvest goddess. oh, my. well, that explains why they also said you’re quite principled and decisive, but can also be a bit stubborn and close-minded. either way, you should be a wonderful addition to our island ! i guess i’ll leave you to it now, but if i need you, i suppose i’ll just look for you at de la lune, yeah ? we hope you love it here as much as we do ! oh, and remember not to go into the tulsy woods ! cheeks stained with ink from falling asleep on notes , wild hair curling over a starched white collar , chalkboards covered corner-to-corner in indecipherable calculations ! ✧ 

A BITCH FINALLY FINISHED okay here we go what’s up, babes !! it’s ya boi, mozzie. i’m 8teen ( a babie , i know ) and i am in hast ! literally no one else is gonna be in that timezone, and i’ve accepted this fact. i go by they/them and uhhhhh got nothing else to say about myself. anyways, i’ll be out here trying my best so pls feel free to hit me for a good time !! or at least, moderately entertaining time.

 S T A T S

full name: lydia beckett

nickname(s): becks

age: twenty-two

date of birth: february 10

gender: non-binary

pronouns: they/them

hometown: flagstaff, arizona

parent(s)/sibling(s): elijah becket ( father ), charlotte beckett ( mother ), amelie grace nee beckett ( sister -five years older ), virginia beckett ( sister - three years older ), isaac beckett ( brother - two years younger )

orientation: science

occupation: grad student - they out here working on their thesis baby !!

P H Y S I C A L

face claim: zendaya coleman

hair colour: dark brown with golden highlights from being in the sun too long

eye colour: hazel

height: 5′8′’

tattoos: n/a - may get some in the future

piercings: standard lobe piercings on both ears. belly button piercing that she got with her sister when they graduated that they haven’t told anyone about. 

distinguishing characteristics: wildly curly hair that they refuse to wear any other way besides natural. known to throw it up haphazardly with pencils/pen sticking out randomly in different directions.

A B O U T

can i just say that they boring as shit until they get to rose lake??

lydia grew up the middle child in a huge family, with siblings and cousins constantly underfoot. their parents loved them all, but obviously were more than busy trying to take care of the horde. with a burgeoning lawyer and star athlete for older siblings and a leading thespian as a younger sibling, lydia found themselves falling into the role of quiet, studious middle child.

they convinced themselves into thinking that there wasn’t anything special about them and that they wouldn’t amount to much. they resigned themselves to a life of constantly being surpassed, up until they decided in high school that they would use their smarts to try and change the world.

they got into *insert fancy school here that would be most convenient plot-wise* on a partial-ride scholarship and decided to pursue environmental science ! college is where they thrived, mostly because they were surrounded by other people who had the same goals as them and were willing to work hard for it. 

environmental science isn’t particularly competitive as a field, but being female-presenting in male-dominated world forced them to speak out more and thus, their middle-child syndrome began to become more prominent. they felt the unending need to prove themselves to others, and they began to steal attention for themselves.

they decided to continue environmental sciences in graduate school, mostly because they weren’t done being a student, but also because graduate school opened up more research opportunities. this is what lead them to roselake in the first place.

they had signed up for a highly-coveted research position in the arctic circle (let’s say,,,,,,,somewhere in scandinavia) but due to some clerical error, they missed out on the spot and was forced to take the only remaining spots left, which sent them to roselake with a miniscule group of two lead scientist and one other grad student. suffice to say, they aren’t exactly happy about it.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

they are a bitch ! absolute grump this one !!

middle child syndrome like nobody’s business. they need to be the best and  is not afraid to step on anyone else on their way to being the best. it a good thing they are in science because if they were in a more competitive field, they’d probably have thrown hands by this point.

 they value their intelligence very much and they like to put the world into neat boxes. sciences makes sense to them. they understand biology and physics but not people so much and never magic, so they absolutely do not believe in the harvest sprites. 

they’re kind of vehemently against the idea of the sprites, so they will be dismissive and often cold with anyone who does believe in the sprites. they do feel like its a loaf of horseshit.

they are going to boost themselves using this tiny town and they will end up with an international prize if it kills them, so they are going to make certain that they find the source of the town’s ecological decline and they are certain there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for it all. their thesis is gonna smack.

honestly kind of feral. tends to get that crazed scientist look about them if they go too long on a research binge with no rest. 

not too interested in making friends in roselake, but i bet there are definitely people interested in making friends with them. 

pls get them to chill the fuck out and get the giant stick from out of their ass.

W A N T E D  C O N N E C T I O N S

pretty pls can someone bring me either the other grad student or any of their leads o-o they can be anything they want i would just love to see someone fully appreciating lydia’s scientific brilliance but absolutely unable to handle everything else about them.

throw all the harvest sprites at them. do your best pls.

friends??? spare friends for them please??? they aren’t going to know how to handle people liking them for their personality lmao so pls baffle them

enemies!! this could be someone else on the team scientist who have differing opinions, either on the harvest sprites or on literally anything else!! this could also just be towns folk who don’t like them cause they’re a dick!! anything !! fight them !!

[peaches-writes]

reliable source

member: minho wc: 1k genre: fluff, time traveler au, vampire au, historical au, a side of college au note: i propose minho as ur vampire friend who’s been secretly in love with u for literal centuries bc u keep time travelling to different parts of his 900-year past to finish ur thesis lol + happens in the same universe as seven hundred and one

Your first instinct at meeting Lee Minho in the 1200s was to laugh and his first instinct, not knowing you then, was to furrow his brows at you as if you were a madman. Partly, you really were, though, at least in the eyes of a Goryeo dynasty civilian like he was at this time, because you wore a hanbok with design motifs that were at least 50 years too early.

And only partly because Minho was already a vampire at the time—and honing clairvoyant abilities as well which identified you to him as an outsider of some sort.

“What’s so funny?” Were his first words to you in his point of view, and it bore no malice whatsoever because he really was genuinely curious about the question. “And who are you?”

You took in a deep breath then in response, exhaling slowly and looking slightly away from Minho’s eyes to contain your laughs. You didn’t know what was so funny then, either, and you still don’t know at your present time whenever present he would pester you about this, but you tried answering, anyway. “It’s just—this is just so...weird.“ You shrugged, only to burst into another fit of giggles. “Sorry, I’m Y/N, by the way.”

Though your answer was unsatisfactory, Minho nodded anyway, as well. “Definitely—and I’m Minho.”

“I know that already. Anyway, you can tell too?” You raised your brows and fold your arms over your chest while his eyes momentarily widen at your casual revelation. “It’s...sometime in the 1200s—“

“Twelve hundred forty-seven.”

“Right.” You nodded at his correction with a dry scoff, piquing his interest further. “It’s only 1247 and you’re already this good of a clairvoyant?”

Minho was instinctively taken aback with you indirectly confirming his thoughts. “How did you—? Huh, well...the hanbok—the hanbok’s a bit of a giveaway too, I guess. It looks different from what the court women usually wear.”

You then briefly glanced down at your hanbok, a pout resting on your features when you look back up at Minho again. “Really? But you—I mean, my source told me that this was accurate.”

Present Minho admitted just yesterday to you that the hanbok he suggested you wear when you travel back to this time really isn’t accurate but he just said so to complete your loop. You smacked him hard with your anthropology book for that.

Minho from 1247, however, shook his head at you then and pointed out the different design patterns that looked foreign to him. “And this hairpin,” He pointed your hair accessory last, from what you can remember at present. “This looks like a wedding heirloom but...a bit futuristic for my time, if that makes sense. I don’t suppose you wanted to come here disguised as someone’s wife, right? That’d attract more attention to you.”

And with that, you almost immediately deflated right in front of him with a defeated sigh and he smirked teasingly in return. To the passerbys at the flea market where you met, people could’ve mistaken the two of you for a quarreling young married couple. “You got me there.” You surrendered easily, your arms loosening. “I guess even at this time you’re clairvoyant and smart. How annoying.”

“So what are you?” He asked next, more as a confirmation this time rather than pure curiosity.

“You tell me since you’re oh so smart and all-knowing.” You challenged him back, earning you a quirked eyebrow from him.

“Village witch? Prophetess? Psychic?” He teased to which you only rolled your eyes at. When you scoffed after, he simply laughed and immediately answered properly, “Just kidding, you’re a traveller of some sorts. I’ve heard some people talk about people like you from the future—though everyone just usually disregards them as madmen.”

“Time traveller.” You corrected, voice going lower when more people start coming in the flea market. “And you’re one to talk about madmen—you’re a vampire.”

“And how did you know as an oh so all-knowing time traveller from the future?” He tilted his head to the side with a smile, mirroring your crossed arms before leaning to the flea market’s entrance pillar right next to him. The word ‘time traveller’ felt so foreign to him then but you’d assure him later on that in 2020, it’s all he bothers you about.

“Because you’re going to help me pass my doctorate thesis.” You answered confidently and almost enigmatically, fully capturing his interest then. When you see it visibly in his expression, a smug smile forms on your own expression. “You’re interested, right? Now, how can I get to the palace around here?”

Minho showed you around the village for the rest of your afternoon because of that. When you came back to Mag 2020 after, his May 2020 self only rolled his eyes at you with the way you swooned over his past self.

“You were much chiller, then!” Was what you greeted him with as soon as your portable machine took you back to your lab where Minho waited with a hospital blood bag stuck between his teeth and his Kart Rider game paused on his phone. This was almost 6 months ago now. “Like, you weren’t even phased that you met me, someone from the very distant future!”

Present Minho wouldn’t admit it to you even after 6 months that he had the cheesy feeling that you’d meet even in 1247 because he’s long established it to you that he doesn’t like the same cheesy things you do (but he’s very close, these days—must be the weird crush he’s had on you for technically the longest time now).

“Because weirdoes vibe with weirdoes.” He only scrunched his nose up at you then, instead as he helped you pack away your things. You still cringe internally at him using modern lingo but you’re getting used to it. “Anyway, you got everything you need, right?”

“Of course you’d know. You were there.” You smiled at him to which he only scoffed at. “I can’t wait to meet you again next week—in 1332!”

full revised version

@skzwriternet

m.list

[ghosthunthq]

Are We Breaking Up, or Is It Just the Heat?

She served him unfiltered Earl Grey tea. Post-canon.

For: @sprghosthunter

By: @dreams-of-kalopsia

Prompt: Noll having his tea leaves read (before or after the series)

Hi, sprghosthunter! Here’s your fic~ :3 Thank you for your prompt; I didn’t know anything about tasseography before, so writing this was an educational experience for me. The title is still subject to change since I just wrote the first one that came to mind. Suggestions are very welcome. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story! ^u^ 

____

The past three weeks had been rather… trying.

June had quickly switched to July, like a spark that set Japan on fire. To Noll, whose body could not ventilate itself as efficiently as an average human’s could, any venture outside his apartment or the office was hell. On particularly hot days he would hole himself up in his apartment and leave the office to Lin, who never failed to set out in time to open SPR at 10 AM. On cooler days, or when he needed to consult a reference book in the office library, as was often the case, Noll would begrudgingly take the cab to Shibuya early in the morning, his mood spoiled for the rest of the day.

It did not help that whenever he mustered the effort to go to the office, he was forced to put up with the usual bothersome rabble. Yasuhara had recently started part-timing again despite being well into law school, saying that he needed the money to get his air conditioner repaired, but Noll could tell that it was just an excuse to stay somewhere closer to his school. The others had been shamelessly and unapologetically forthright with their intentions, much to his annoyance. It also did not help that Mai was on leave until she finishes gathering data for her thesis, which meant there was no one to remind those noisy people to keep their daily contributions to the world’s noise pollution to a minimum.

Thinking of Mai only turned his spoiled mood absolutely rotten.

Despite being gone from work for three weeks, she never thought to phone and check up on her workplace. He understood that data gathering was a time-consuming, important step in writing an excellent thesis, and he would have overlooked her radio silence had the others been treated the same way. But according to what he would overhear from the chatter outside his office (and, given the noisiness, he heard a lot), Mai had been in contact with everyone else but him. That presented the possibility that she had developed some sort of aversion to him. Perhaps all the months they had spent together finally convinced her that his bad personality would never change, and she grew tired of it.

Noll knew what was happening. He had heard about this situation from Madoka before, witnessed Gene use it as an excuse to almost every girlfriend he had lost interest in. The time of onset at eight months into the relationship seemed to fit, too.

‘End of her honeymoon phase?’ Gene laughingly said through their mental link the last time he had woken up, completely unaffected by Noll’s death glare. ‘I can assure you, Noll, the real thing’s so much messier and more troublesome.’

Coming from someone who had the attention span of a goldfish when it came to relationships, Noll did not feel the least bit assured.

The hot summer days dragged on without any reprieve from his rotten mood. He soon started wondering if he could blast the whole world away.

His suspicion came to a head the day Mai returned from her leave. She acted so normal, so happy to be back.

And then she served him unfiltered Earl Grey tea.

Noll stared blankly at the cup, watching the floating tea leaves sink to the bottom. “Do you expect me to drink this, Mai?” he asked just as blankly.

“Yup,” Mai answered with an eager nod. “But before you start drinking, you have to think about what could happen in your immediate future, and keep thinking about it while you drink.”

He narrowed his eyes in distrust, but her eagerness did not waver even under his scrutiny. “What are you planning?”

“To read your tea.”

Tasseography?

“Why?”

“Because I learned it recently and wanted to try it.” She checked the cup’s temperature with the back of her hand before gently pushing it towards him. “Drink it while the temp is right. Leave a tablespoon’s worth, though.”

Noll considered glaring and shooting down her request, but he knew that that would not work on her. It never did. Nevertheless, he glared at her as he sipped the tea to express his displeasure, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation of loose leaves brushing against his lips.

While he knew enough about tasseography to disqualify it as an authentic demonstration of ESP, he decided to momentarily suspend his disbelief in favor of Mai. He reflected on the question she wanted him to ask.

His immediate future… Why would it interest her? Was there some event in his future that she wanted him to be aware of?

A breakup, for example?

If this was how she had planned to break up with him, she sure was putting too much effort into it. Noll would have to appreciate the painstaking way she chose to end things. He should make it easier for her, then, as courtesy.

He swallowed against the sudden bitterness of the Earl Grey.

In a few minutes, the cup of tea dwindled into a tablespoon of tea. Using his left hand, he swirled the teacup three times counter-clockwise before inverting it on the saucer. Then he rotated the cup three times again at Mai’s signal. As he turned it upright with the handle facing south, he surreptitiously rearranged some leaves into certain shapes.

Twisted figures, to denote disturbances. A deer, denoting quarrels or disputes. A raven, disappointment in love. Scissors, separation of lovers.

Four ominous symbols. Those should help her open the topic so they could get this over with quickly.

“Let’s see…” Mai said, pulling up a chair to sit across from him. She peered into the cup and concentrated on the figures formed by the leaves.

He unconsciously held his breath.

“I see an… uh… umbrella on the rim?” She pointed at one of the figures he had distorted with his PK. “You must be experiencing difficulty and annoyance recently.”

It appeared to him more like a mushroom than an umbrella, but he held his tongue. It was not like she was wrong with her interpretation.

“I also see… a ladder. And a line going west. There’s a ship, too, and… a bird?” She squinted. “A swallow. So I guess you’ll have a successful journey westward, and it’ll have a pleasant ending.”

Noll studied the scattered tea leaves in the cup. Aside from the symbols he had formed, he could barely see anything else. His brows furrowed. Was Mai looking at the same things as him?

“At the bottom… there’s an abbey, surrounded by squares. You’ll eventually be free from worry and find comfort and peace.”

None of the symbols she just mentioned were in his teacup. Now that he thought about it, she could not have possibly found time to memorize tasseography symbols and their meanings while preparing to write her thesis, much less learn to read tea leaves. Her swift, confident reading and interpretation could only mean that she had memorized this particular set of symbols beforehand, and that she had been merely pretending this whole time.

He regarded her with a cold glare. “Mai. Stop wasting my time and get straight to your point.”

Mai had the nerve to look sheepish. “Ehehe~ You got me,” she easily surrendered as she produced a white letter envelope from her jacket. She handed it to him.

It contained a flight ticket to London via Heathrow. His flight ticket. He met her gaze with wide-eyed confusion.

“I thought you needed a vacation,” she answered his unsaid question with a smile and explained further, “So I talked to your parents, Madoka-san, and Lin-san as soon as I was free. They were happy to arrange things. I also cleared up our schedules for that time period; I’ll take care of the office while you’re away.”

“What makes you think I needed it?” he finally managed to ask.

“Well…” Mai propped an elbow on the table, resting her chin on one hand. Her other hand held up a finger for each of her reasons: “I heard from Ayako and Masako that you’ve been unbearably grumpy for weeks now. Bou-san complained that you rejected seven promising cases consecutively. John told me he’s worried about your health because you barely step out of your office. Even Yasu volunteered to take care of you in my stead, though honestly he just wanted to stay in the office because your ‘colder treatment than usual added to the air-conditioning’.” She chuckled. “I figured the heat was getting to you.”

“You sure have a lot of free time, chatting with the others in the middle of data gathering,” he commented, his tone disapproving and acerbic.

“Of course not! But they kept calling even if I don’t answer. It was really bothersome!” She crinkled her nose, then smiled again. “But at least I got updates on you and the office.”

With this piece of information, Noll’s earlier suspicion was dispelled, and for once he willingly acknowledged that his brother had been right all along.

He released a long sigh, weary but relieved. If he had gone so low as to jump to an irrational conclusion, then the heat must really be affecting his mental processes. Maybe he did need to go home for a while, at least until it cooled down in Japan.

For him to accept the time off, though, he required one condition met.

He slid the envelope back to Mai to start bargaining for it. “I don’t need it.”

Her smile fell. “What do you mean you don’t? Haven’t you been in a constant bad mood lately?”

He shrugged. “I feel fine.”

“Just take a few weeks off, Naru,” she said as she slammed her hands on the table, her frustration visibly mounting.

He raised a brow. “And leave the office to you?”

“Yes! It’s not like you haven’t done it before!”

She was right, so he disregarded her reply.

“I’d rather keep working.”

“I won’t let you work yourself to exhaustion!”

He crossed his arms and scoffed at her words. “Well, what will you do, come with me to Cambridge just to make sure I’m taking a break?”

“If I have to!”

There it is.

Noll took the envelope. “It’s settled, then.”

“Wh-What?” Mai spluttered, thrown off by his abrupt turnaround.

“You said you’ll come with me to Cambridge.”

“Eh—You were serious?! I thought you were mocking me!”

He gave her a dull look. “Am I the type of person who took vacations?”

“N-No.”

“So do you think I’ll stop working just because someone told me to?”

“I guess not…” she agreed but still looked unsure.

“You look like you need the break more than I do, anyway.”

She scowled at him. “Hey, what do you mean by that?!”

“It means I want you to come with me.”

Noll watched, amused and secretly in awe, as Mai’s angry expression froze, morphed into open-mouthed surprise, and became flushed with a radiant smile.

“Okay,” she finally said.

He couldn’t help smiling back.

For the first and last time in his life, he believed what was foretold in his tea. Mai had read him well.

____

References:

- “Tea-Cup Reading, and the Art of Fortune-Telling by Tea Leaves” (2006) by A Highland Seer, found in the Project Gutenberg website.

- “Your Essential Guide to Tasseography, the Practice of Reading Tea Leaves” (2018), an article by Aliza Kelly Faragher, found in Allure’s website.

- “Tasseography Symbols for Reading Coffee or Tea Leaves: What Do the Forms in Your Coffee or Tea Cup Mean?” (2019) by Lindsey Goodwin, found in The Spruce Eats website.

[facesofcsl]

Emma W., Recent Graduate (MACE)

Emma Wallace recently graduated from the U of A, earning a Master of Arts in Community Engagement (MACE). MACE is a program offered by the Faculty of Extension, with an option to pursue a CSL placement with local organizations. Wallace partnered with EndPoverty Edmonton for her CSL placement, and loved every minute of it! She now works as the Program Specialist for the Edmonton Chamber of Voluntary Organizations (ECVO). Read the story below to hear how Emma’s CSL placement impacted her life personally and professionally.

Why did you decide to take a CSL course?

As part of our master's program you had to take four classes, 150 hours worth of practicum, and then a thesis. Essentially, that practicum is served as our CSL. The main reason I got involved is that I wanted to do a thesis project that was partnered with a community organization. This practicum served as a really great way to begin that partnership—to get to know each other, to understand each other's needs and wants, and build trust so that when the practicum was done, I could start my thesis with them. 

Who was your community partner?

I knew that I wanted my thesis to be on poverty, and specifically how can we engage people who are in poverty in the solutions to end poverty. My supervisor actually works with EndPoverty Edmonton, and she suggested I work with them. She set up a meeting for me and I went and told her what I'm interested in, and I heard a little bit about them. We negotiated a bit of a contract and what the practicum could look like—the larger partnership really flourished from there.

How has CSL exposed you to new experiences and knowledge?

In lots of ways! I was able to really find myself in a space where I could work and learn within a community. When you're in a university setting, it can be really hard to understand and appreciate what's happening in the community. There's a little bit of disconnect between research at a university level and how that can then filter through and apply to the community. This was an amazing space for me to learn the community context, but also how research can make an impact. 

It was also a great networking opportunity. I connected with Jay from CSL as part of my research. We made an awesome connection. After my research finished he invited me to guest lecture at one of his undergrad classes. I then got invited again, a month ago, to speak in one of his graduate classes. That's an opportunity that only came up as a result of my CSL. 

What was the most important or memorable lesson that you learned?

I was able to present to the City Council on some of the work that I was doing. I shared my knowledge used to help create community engagement strategies for EndPoverty Edmonton. Getting to present to the city was an incredible opportunity, and it got my name out. Plus, it's more experience. It’s nice to be part of a team that values my opinion as an expert in this field, even though I was a student. I'm also quite young—I'm 25. I'm about 10-15 years younger than the next youngest person on the EndPoverty Edmonton team, so it's quite easy to feel intimidated or not as experienced. But, that's what I love about the team. I never felt like my opinion wasn't valued. I never felt like I was inexperienced compared to them. I was looked on as the community engagement and lived experience expert, and that's how I was treated.

How has CSL impacted your personal life?

The relationships I made [in my CSL placement] were so nice on a professional level, but also on a personal level. I moved here not knowing anyone. I have no family here, and I didn't know anyone when I came. So to develop some of those friendships was so great for me. I was also able to gain all these professional relationships which, when you're looking for jobs—it matters. You need to know people, and you need references. Everyone I know at this point came either from my thesis or from my current job, and that all stemmed from my practicum (CSL placement).

How would you sum up your experience with CSL in one sentence?

It was a transformative experience on all accounts, both personally and professionally.

[purplesurveys]

966

by skiassurveys

1. How has covid affected you? It robbed me of few months’ worth of memories in my last year in college, my graduation, travel plans, employment prospects, a 22nd birthday with friends. Fortunately, other than a mutual friend, I personally don’t know anyone who has gotten the virus.

2. What is a comfort show of yours? Friends, without a doubt. If I need a pick me up I just look up a scene on YouTube and I’m bound to feel better in seconds.

3. Are you open about your past or do you not let anyone in? I’m pretty open about my past as long as people ask the right questions that would make me want to open up that can of worms lol. But I’m very secretive about the present and if I’m currently going through something, I tend to be selfish when it comes to opening up. I don’t like being completely vulnerable, and I leave those last few bits of vulnerability to only myself. I can’t even open up on Tumblr in certain instances; it’s just how I am.

4. Favourite fast food joint? Yellow Cab.

5. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? I don’t. I don’t put a lot of thought into this, either. It’s just not something I particularly care about. 

6. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Finish my thesis. I used to think it was some colossal, nearly-impossible requirement and I never thought I was capable of creating my own. But I got through it and it was such an amazing feeling to see myself and Andrew wrap it up and write our acknowledgments at the very end.

7. Do u ever feel like surveys are usually the same questions? There are definitely questions that come up more often than others, but I’m never super bothered by them. I just try to answer them differently then move on.

8. What were you doing 10 years ago? I was 12, in sixth grade, friendless, suicidal, and was in the biggest mental health slump of my life thus far; so, not doing well.

9. Do you call out Karens when they’re harassing a cashier? I don’t call them out but when it’s my turn to be served, I make it a point to greet them and smile and give them the change, like I do with any cashier – except amplified this time around so they can feel better and not think that every customer is an asshole.

10. Animal crossing, yay or nay? Yay. I don’t play it but I’m certainly not gonna dampen people’s enjoyment by thumbing it down lol. It looks so cute and the challenges look wholesome; that game just can’t hurt anybody haha. But I guess it helps that my favorite characters to play on Mario Kart are Animal Crossing characters, so there’s that.

11. Why do you like to do surveys? It’s a safe space. And I’m very talkative in my head but not in real life, so surveys always serve as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

12. Did you ever have a MySpace? I did but I caught they very tail end of its popularity. By the time I joined people were already starting to flock to Facebook, so it wasn’t like I was ever able to do anything fun or worthwhile on Myspace. It was also never as popular in the Philippines too; we were into Friendster a lot more.

13. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I don’t think things like that work in absolutes. I’m sure breaks work for some, but for others they could also just create more distance and cause a couple to grow apart over time.

14. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no, would you create one? If yes what’s your content? I have one but it’s only so that I can support my favorite channels and subscribe to them, and so that YouTube can tailor my homepage to my interests. If I had to start posting videos, I’d prefer to take it easy and just post chill daily vlogs, nothing that tries too hard; and maybe take part in a taste test every once in a while because I enjoy watching those.

15. Are you a math person? Only up until advanced algebra or geometry. I’ll have to bow out if we have to get into trigonometry or calculus.

16. What’s the worse thing someone has said to you? I’ve been told I was a headache to deal with, heartless, unlovable, ungrateful, lacking a brain. All courtesy of my mom.

17. Have you ever befriended someone because you felt bad? Just once. In Grade 7 there was a new girl who was a bit of a loner, so Gab and I started talking to her so that she wouldn’t be alone during lunch. She didn’t really mix well with us and our dynamic though, so we slowly stopped hanging out with her. I felt bad, but I also didn’t want us to keep faking it with her because it would’ve been unfair to her – at least we tried. I was glad when she finally found her group, which didn’t take long.

18. Would you ever date someone online? I’m not open to it.

19. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? I’m pretty sure what I did with Mike is the equivalent of ghosting...oops. I haven’t been ghosted.

20. When do you think things will be normal again? For a second this sounded really accurate about my life and I almost started crying :’’’’)))))) but now I realize you meant to ask about Covid lol. UHHH idk man. I remember back in March thinking this was gonna be over by April, and I had never been more wrong lmao. It’s so hard to tell.

21. Do you watch anime? No.

22. Biggest goal you wanna reach before 2020 is over? Be happy.

23. How old did/do you turn this year? 22.

24. Do you like tiktok? I don’t have the app downloaded but I’ll watch TikTok compilations on Facebook sometimes, and I’ve never had anything bad to say about them. I loooove the ones where people show what they do in their workplace like cleaning laptops, making ice cream cakes, doing pottery, etc., or showing projects that they’ve been working on like cleaning their swimming pool or renovating their bedroom. Those are the most satisfying to watch.

25. Do you ever miss vine? OMG yes. TikTok is entertaining, but the sense of humor that Vine birthed is on another fucking level. Only Vine could’ve made hurricane tortilla, a child, two bros chilling in a hot tub, and no head funny.

26. How are you doing, seriously? Today was one of the easier days. But I’m still hurting. It was just more manageable to breathe today.

27. Is there someone you want to talk to but you know you can’t? Yes.

28. Do you make jokes to cope with your problems? Sometimes, if I’ve already accepted the problem. It’s harder to make light of a situation that I’m still grappling with.

29. Have you ever had someone call you their best friend but you didn’t even consider them a close friend? I don’t think so.

30. Have you ever dealt with a pathological liar? Sure.

31. Long or short surveys? Medium-length to long.

32. If ur in school, are you doing it on zoom or in class? I’m not in school but I can definitely tell you that there aren’t any physical classes happening any time soon, at least in this country. It’s just not safe enough yet.

33. Would you ever have a pet rat? Nope.

34. Favourite memory with your best friend? I like laughing fits with Angela and spending hours at her house doing nothing. With Gabie, I always enjoy eating out with her.

35. Favourite type of content to watch on YouTube? I’ve mentioned them a lot on surveys recently, but it’s definitely Good Mythical Morning. I always turn to them when I’m going through depression so I’m really grateful that they have 1500+ episodes on their main channel and have a bunch of secondary channels with hundreds of videos in each as well. They have no idea how many lives they’ve saved. Other than that, I also like watching Korean reality shows, mukbangs that double as ASMR videos, soothing baking videos, and vlogs from local celebrities heheh.

36. Are you allergic to anything serious? No allergies for me.

37. Dream job? I don’t really have a dream title for now; I just want to eventually end up at the top of the ladder in my chosen career path which is PR.

38. Do you think dreams mean anything? No.

39. Fave clothing brand? Mango or Zara.

40. Do you miss anyone? Painfully.

[rizkadamalia-world]

Why don't most of us view the opportunities as problems in our time at life?

Even, some people has already got frustated when they just think that there is a problem yes only one problem in face of seconds ahead. But still, It is still just only in their mind!!

In contrary, other people don't do the same

The optimistic one will say calmly, "I know there is a probability to me to see one thing to go through, but..then what is it? " - after this, then only creative-man come along with their actions

When I was on my "recharge" lazy time on a couple months ago eventually I believed that the progress as little as it, still must be pursued even I knew .. I worked so slowly and could be said like the person that wasn't eager enough..but at least, I knew that I did "something" even it effected big or small..

On that time, I just say that I was on my-disbelieve on what strengths of me, I ignored my mind to recall my goals, I let mybody to lay down on the bed on a couple hours in some days, and made it as bad-routine :(

You know what....... after that those unlucky days, I had to face final day to present my undergraduate thesis!!! Only 2 days, I should prepare power points-slide, text for the presentation, white and black as formal cloth, and also text my family to tell em on two days a head would be ma-day.

On the D-day came to me..

I woke up early in the morning at 04.00 am. I got up and went to the bathroom eagerly, I convinced my self with the broadly smiling and sang as enjoy as myself's voice. I was humming as if I will face the Great Show on my life, and I considered the opportunites what I would have after this morning-nervous day. So ..What was it?

First, I convinced my self that I had been working on my research from December 2018, So I really knew what I had done, what the process was, what the data I took, and how the 0% progress until 98% was completely along days

Second, I had to be grateful to have opportunity to be the earlier person who allowed to present my research

So I could make myself free firstly than others who were still doing on their researchs even right now. Of course I hope too now that they can finish immediately, I believe every research has their own hurdles and challenges. Because I believe, they can do their best

Third, I planted to my mind many many time that I could transform my self after this Monumental Time to NEXT PLEASURE TIME Which Can Change MySelf Greater and More Woderful because this time I could handle and face it briefly so it added me to be a "new person"

These what I had been thinking..

So, in my opinion... To everyone who faces the BIG-NERVOUS DAY, please doesn't see it as a Problem but as an opportunity to have abundantly pleasure after and make a conversation to yourself that I Can Make This BND as one of Our Monumental-Transform Day of U in a whole the history of life while the other might not have the same opportunity to overcome like me :)))

That's all from me . Thanks !!!

#alotofgreatness #yes #sharetheworld #bigimpact #Iamgreat #motivateme #motivateyou

[theambivertkid]

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! 

a 2-in-1 update for the month of march and april (yeah sorry ‘bout that, gotta set priorities first aka “school”)

so, Hi everyone! I know we’ve been through a lot these past few months and we are all busy with school ( yeah i feel u) and without further ado let’s start; 

 If only march was a person, I would definitely yell at him and say “you’re the most sh*&(%#$@@ person I know but thanks for the ride”, true, March was really one hella coaster ride and to top it off I got sick due to stress and over fatigue. I gotta study left and right bcos of the last minute exams and do some documentary for one of my subject. T’was really stressfull!!

Then came the announcement for the 3rd cycle of compre results and Thank God I passed 3 out of 6 and our head gave us another chance, another set of cycle and Thankfully I made it and passed it all!

Of course I couldn’t have done this without the help of Daddy God, who is always there for me and for my family and friends for the financial and moral support ( as i was typing this i felt like im doing an acknowldegement for a thesis hahaha) but really I’m thankful for this blessing. This one is for you Daddy God!!

well speaking of thesis, I almost cried when we were defending it to the panel,I thought we’re doomed to fail this,bcos (1) our spss app crashed and all of our datas were there and we cant open it and we were like “are u effin kiddin me?”  (2) it feels  like we’re presenting a baby thesis bcos of the data we cant get a hold of due to the app crashing  (3) we lack supporting datas huhu (4) we’re not ready, there were so many setbacks with regards with our theisis but what can we do, we have to present this no matter what. But thankfully and with God’s help we passed the defense altho we were so ambitious that we’re claiming the title of “best in research” well twas still okay, in the end it was all worth it!

another announcement reached my ears that  I passed clinical pharmacy (which made my 2nd sem unbearable) Hooraaay!!

The last announcement really made me happy bcos I am now a candidate for graduation. 

But despite all of that, I felt sad bcos only half of the class were able to graduate, while the other half they still have to take compre. And 3 of my closest friend were there I just hate it but I know this is one of God’s plan and to my friends I know you can do it! Just Pray! I know that we can do this, we will all become Registered Pharmacists, so have faith. 

ORA ET LABORA

CONGRATULATIONS BATCH 2017!!

so this is a short update for the month of April and Im so sorry you guys for not being able to post for awhile. 

I’ve been busy bcos of grad practice and there are just so many things to finish plus I dont have the strength to post huhu well anyway;

 I just wore the best ootd and I’m happy to say that I’m already a degree holder!! horaaay!

Currently fixing my #roadtoRPh

I’ll also make a separate post for the experiences, the ups and downs,that I’ve encountered during this entire college journey.

Daddy God Thank you for everything!

This might be the end of college days but this is not the end of my story. Another chapter is yet to unfold and I’m ready for whatever is in store for me. I’m facing this new journey with a smile on my face and a heart full of hope.

so to my fellow graduates,

CONGRATULATIONS AND GOD BLESS US ALL!!