#i promise ill do a proper pretty art of him soon

[venomous-qwille]

LET'S PLAY PRETEND IT'S ALL THE SAME

[ID: Eclipse kneels on the floor looking up at the viewer, he is holding dolls of Sun and Moon. The art is black and white except for his right eye, which is red. In the background illegible words are scratched in red pen. /End ID]

[hdra77]

Ok since this blog is kinda getting alot of attention i'll just make a pinned post about a little bit of myself

---- interested in commissioning me? my art commission page can be found here! i accept payment through ko-fi or paypal! feel free to dm to inquire or if you have questions! :D

!! DISCLAIMER !!

Btw please read this before following my blog!! There would be gore,body horror,dark themes and even some suggestive themes Sometimes but overall i do not post any explicit nsfw here !! (they can be filtered through tags but just putting this here as a heads up)

tags are usually: #cw body horror, #tw body horror #cw gore, #tw gore, #cw suggestive, #tw suggestive

Heyy! i'm Soren!

He/Him

You can call me zarou or dra

I am bilingual but im more comfortable speaking in english (still bad at it actually)

i really like cybercore,webcore,warcore aesthetic it may not look like it right now but expect a whole bunch of techcore designs soon

Oh and i am also a huge fan of astronomy,space and all of that sort. Along with post apocalyptic settings,body horror elements and eldritch beings.

Using my art as PFPs/Banners is okay! As long as you give proper credit! But reuploading my works without my permission or claiming them as your own is NOT okay. I will find you and i will hunt you down and turn you into a helpless flopping fish gasping for air.

Inspirations is ok too!! But please do not directly copy from the original work.

Commissions: open

Art trades: friends/mutuals only

my DNI are basically the general DNI: proshippers,homophobes,etc. you know, the general

my interest varies but i currently hyperfixtate on these fandoms so far:

Rainworld

Nine Sols

Marikinonline4

Animator vs Animation/Animation vs Minecraft

Warrior cats

My dms here are also open so feel free to send me a message! (No weird dms or you get instant block)

Im busy and i dont check discord as frequently but i would be happy to talk to you! I would also be glad to make friends im not intimidating i promise i dont bite totally-

My ask box are always open! Ask me anything basically, my aus, ocs, pretty much anything. You can also send some requests but they will take a gajillion years to finish but i promise ill get them done soon!

My socials:

Twitter - HINDRANCE77 (!! page contains some suggestive themes !!)

Youtube - HINDRANCE77

Tumblr - hdra77 (you are literally here right now)

Ko-fi - HINDRANCE77

My tags:

#hdra7shitposts - yes, shitposts

#fishdoesart - all my art comes here

#fishdoesdoodles - random doodles and some occasional shitposting, mostly on ms paint

#fishdoesrequests - all my art requests comes here, so far this is where you find my ship requests (still open for now btw)

#wips - wips

#fishbites.txt - ramblings

#othersart - gifts/fanarts! Sometimes some reblogs

#asks - all of my responses comes here

My other blogs:

@nyaworld-askblog - for the nyaworld au! this blog is story driven but asks for specific characters are always welcome!

@fallowclans-unruly-demise - for a warrior cats clangen blog, still stuck in hiatus void

My Rainworld AU tags:

#rw voided au - simple AU about iterators called voideds who drains void fluids out of other iterators, theres also some rot infection going on too

#rw disarray au/SYSTEM FAILURE - a virus in Lttm's code had created a fatal error in her system which caused her to slowly spiral into insanity as she would slowly loosen her grip onto reality, claiming that she had found the solution to their problem..but was it really the answer all along?

#rw nyaworld au - joke au about the entire rainworld cast taking place in the 2000's this one is purely just for nostalgia purposes

#into the sigverse - technically considered an au. this is just a silly little askblog about different versions of NSH interacting because for some reason they can now magically interact with different alternate universe versions of themselves. ocs being used to interact is allowed to!! anyone can use this tag however they please you don't have to send me asks to be a part of the sigverse

My Rainworld Oc tags:

#Sector7c - official oc local group tag!

#7c dystopian arbitrary

#7c golden life

#rw ocs

#ocs

-- still WIP --

[hexdsl]

Stranger in a Strange Land (by Robert Heinlein)

Thou Art God.

I have just finished it and I have things to say.

Grok.

The word "Grok" is the reason I read this book. The word Grok is taken to mean either "understand" or "know." You may have encountered this word if you spend any time with "high end" ass hats. You see, casually dropping a foreign word into conversation is the behaviour of the sorts of people who like the smell of their own farts. Adding a world from a made up language is a special kind of masturbation even by "fart sniffer" standards. Yet. Many shrivelled winkles of people think its a perfect thing to do. As you can grok, I am hostile towards this behaviour. Also. If you use the word you have bloody well better have read the damned book!

Grok. A made up word. The only word of the Martian language that is actually explicitly used in this novel. The fact that some how its gotten into general usage by some basement dwelling freaks is astonishing to me not least because its meaning is at best vague. Do you have any friends who use "Smuf" on the regular? well, next time someone says "Grok" to me, I fully intend to reply with "Ah smuf, smurf, but I think smuf smuf smuf, then there is smuf to consider.... you grok? DO YOU SMUFING GROK THAT?"

Despite my hostility to using made up words in general conversation the word its self is not held accountable by me. I have never however been able to hunt down a definition that actually stands up to any scrutiny. The reason for this is that its a Martian word that's used to express a relationship between things in a way that we have no world for on earth, and certainly not in English.

Depending on usage it can mean understand, know, intercourse, eat, consume, destroy, and a bunch more. The most common usage however on its own basically means to know something effortlessly on a spiritual level. So when some dick end tells me they "grok how to use" an application I will be even more irate. I'm pretty good with Vim but is it an effortless spiritual experience? No. Its a fucking text editor.

Also I will not be accepting its casual usage by someone who I suspect has no idea of its origin.

Its out of my system now. Ill continue...

It is this word that prompted me to add this to my reading list a space above "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" Mr Heinlein's arguably more well known work (I'll get to that one soon. I promise.) Its been a blast. The book has some great moments and is honestly a joy to read although it does meander more than a little at times.

The plot

Team of explorers get a ship as far as mars and as far as anyone know, die there.

Years later a proper space ship gets there and its like WHAT! a HUMAN!

Turns out the original team didn't die on the way, they died on Mars. But not before jumping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. A baby is born and its raised my Martians (who are seemingly a peaceful people who don't care about all the Human fornication around them)

Anyway, they bring that young lad back to earth. He doesn't really speak any English (Or other earth based dialect) but he is smarter than most people and learns real fast.

What's this? He is the legal inheritor to a vast fortune because his mom invented space! (okay, space ship engines) this makes him a problem for the government as its AMAZON levels of money. Oh, also.. He legally owns Mars because REASON OKAY!

Some stuff happens! He ends up in the care of a Doctor Jubal Harshaw. An older man who is grumpy, seemingly a bit of a perv and apparently a literal, for real genius himself. He helps the boy get whats owed to him by starting a legal fight with the world government.

All that was spoilers-lite and takes you up to the early "meat" of the story. The rest is well into that real spoiler territory.

The Man from Mars (Valentine Michael Smith, Mike as he is known) learns some things and has some things happen. The book blind sides you with a sudden reveal that he has "Super Powers" and can remove things from existence at will. Astral Project. Slow his perception of time, use telekinesis, never sleeps, control his own body on a genetic level and remember everything he ever sees or hears.

The fella is a little over powered to say the least. But he is a nice boy. People like him. It is said that his powers come from the fact that he thinks in Martian a language that empowers him to control reality by understanding it deeply (If he groks a thing he can change a thing)

Anyway, he has a lot of sex and starts his own church.

That little summery is the most basic version of the plot. But in a lot of ways it's not the plot that kept me hooked on this novel. The writing is rigid and often inelegant. The story takes place in three wildly different "bits" of the Martian man's life and it seems to have random but infrequent flashes into "heaven" that are literal nonsense the likes of which I have not read since "the Illuminatus trilogy" or whatever that Robert Anton Wilson thing was called (again a good book with some stupid narrative)

The Good.

The Man from Mars - Valentine Michael Smith has a pretty interesting journey from confused alien to skilled speaker an all the people in his life sparkle with wonderful individuality. He is humble and lovable while being maybe the most dangerous man on earth. He learns things in ways that come across reasonably and his Martian motivations are constantly explained and justified to the reader. While written in formal rigid style at times the story has a wonderful way with the characterisation.

I'm not even sure this is a science fiction novel. It's set in "the future" sure but the Man from Mars is just a device for exploring religious faith, scientific knowledge and the questions that our concepts of objective morality really gloss over. It could quiet easily have been Man from the future, Man from Heaven, Genetic experiment Man. Doesn't matter. Not even a little. He is a device for generating circumstance and the conversations that follow it. I liked that. A lot.

This book has no villain and that is a nice change to the normal. Oh and it invented the idea of Water Beds (A little aside for you there)

The story puts forward a Martian idea that once you "share water" with someone, they are your "brother" (regardless of gender, Martians don't have gender) and once they are your "brother" you are family forever. You will die for them, kill for them and follow their every wish. They do the same for you. It's a founding idea that Mike has that is at the core of his beliefs.

It also puts forward the idea of a "fair witnesss" someone trained to observe, remember and report EXACTLY what they saw and heard. Admissible in court and a very respected profession. The point is made that when recounting things when will give only factual information and make NO assumptions about things. I love this idea. Its sort of daft when we have recording equipment but I love it anyway.

Most of the book is not action or adventure. Its conversations, long conversations between characters. Some explaining things to Mike, Some talking about him and rationalising his actions. Its deeply philosophical and is very willing to question "modern" American civilization and Taboo. Often the writer puts himself in a position where he has to both defend and attack morality and reason. Its fascinating to me because the conversations are interesting on their own and because as a reader you know this is essentially the writer talking to himself. I still have no idea what side of all this Robert Heinlein supports. I have a few guesses but its not explicit.

As the book goes on it get braver in its questioning and its derived answers. Mike realises that out ability to think clearly is tied to language and Martian is a more complex and refined language hence the speaker is gifted with "abilities" because he is better in touch with reality. Thinking in Martian is inherently going to make you better at everything. He teaches his first real love and travelling companion Gillian a little Martian and she begins to see the world differently.

I have been somewhat interested in the idea of more complex language effecting ones personal reality ever since I first read Grant Morrison's Invisibles. There is something poetic in the idea and I find it captivating.

Eventually Mike "Groks" Humans and has a good old laugh at us. I mean that literally. Once he has "Groked to fullness" he is overwhelmed with laughter for the first time in his life. He then slowly decides that he can help a lot of people by sharing his knowledge of Martian and the book jumps about two years into the narrative.

Its this point that the tone changed from polite critique of social norms to full on free-love new-age throw it all out and fuck everything.

The "nest" as its called is a temple of sorts where the members of the church live. They practice nudity, open sex with multiple partners and a belief that they do all this because they are closer to enlightenment. The book is pretty specific that they are. The sex writing in the book is quite tasteful and mostly can be read and enjoyed even all these years later. Mostly, but ill come back to that.

The little cult is a joyful place where people all just love each other free from modern morality. They never get sick, they hardly sleep and they accept each other totally. Its how we all should want to live if you ask me.

All this happens in the highest "level" of the church because you cant accept this pure angelic life style until you learn Martian. Learning Martian makes you better. Angelic seems to be the right word.

There are a lot of characters in this book. I have not talked about many, the reason for this is that it's the ideas that are important not the people having the ideas. But the character of Jubal Harshaw was one that I adored. He is at first introduced as a grumpy airbag. Surrounded by beautiful women he introduces as his secretaries. He lives in a big house with a pool. His household is free and has basically no rules, no clocks and no TV.

It soon becomes apparent that Jubal is a genius who is a qualified lawyer, doctor and a part time writer. He has a political past that is barely covered in the story but hinted at a lot. He's always grumpy, seems to be set in his ways and those girls really are his secretaries.

His works flow is simple, he has an idea for a book, poem or article. He shouts "font" and one of the girls starts writing down what he said. At some point it will be written up, edited and sent to some magazine, publisher or news organisation. This is all done by the girls.

Jubal starts off by refusing to help Mike and Gillian but soon finds himself drawn into the boys life. He's a wonderfully written character who manages to be rude and arrogant in the name of justice and rightness. Such a flawed but deep man. Eventually he becomes the unwilling patron saint of "the church" and its referenced and the only man alive who can "grok all things" without learning Martian. His innate understanding of things carries him further than most humans simply because he thinks about things.

The way Jubal runs his "house hold" is only a little step away from the free and pure "nest" that the church lives in. He was pretty close to enlightenment before he even met Mike, or at least. Thats the implication as I read it.

I think it would be easy to say that Jubal was the writers fantasy projection of himself but I don't buy that theory at all. Most writers are within all their characters but in this case I think Jubal represents the writers own regrets while the girls in the book reflect his hopes and their forgiveness of his bad tempter his own internal conversations and struggles.

The religious morality of the book reminds me in no small part to Wiccan faith but taken to a more open and honest extreme than you would fine any Wiccan admitting to striving for. The basic teachings are there. All things have a soul of sorts, God/Gods are in all of us (We are all gods of out own) and love, emotional or physical should not be a thing that we feel shame for. Oh and faith brings control of reality in one form or another.

The Bad

The book meanders a LOT and a modern editor would have stripped it down quite a bit, making it more punchy and circling points less. As I said earlier, its mostly conversations and things to make that conversation happen. Many of the events are far less interesting than the discussion that result.

There are some lines in this novel that are to say the least indelicate and the opinions one woman in the novel has about rape and it often being the fault of the victim are not okay. The writer is very wrong and is projecting shitty opinions even for a book from the 1960s. There are some moments where the motivations on the female characters lead me to wonder if Robert Heinlein has ever met one. But over all from the point of view of those in this story and the way the world was when it was written back in '61 I forgive a lot. You almost have to when reading old science fiction. The writers often think they are being edgy but are just being strange and shitty.

Also, Mike is free from the human morality trappings but its continually said that he is "not a homosexual" maybe its because I'm reading this many many years after it was written but the books obsession with only putting your winkle into lady holes contradicts a lot of the Martian teaching in this book. Its a little odd. If Mike wants to be gay then that's fine. No one will care. At least not in "current year"

There are also moments where Mike seems to outright disrespect the women in his life (Calling them whores and such like) while everyone including those women respond as if he is being flattering. Quite odd. If this was supposed to portray a loving in-joke or banter it missed the mark for me.

I'm no prude and I have no issues I with multi person relationships as a way of life as long as its all equal and respectful. In this religion mutual respect, free will and agency are founding ideals but the introduction to it is a little heavy handed. It goes from "I should start a Church" to lets have sex with these people! Now her, now here, now we are all nude allllllll the time. It could have been handled better considering how slow the conversations are, it could have got there in a smoother way.

There are these moments when it is suddenly in "heaven!?!?" and angels are talking. Total bollocks and needless. Literally BORING but thankfully it doesn't do it a lot. So honestly fucking strange though and without reason. It makes the book worse by being there.

The ending

The ending of science fiction is often the make or break moment and this one has quite a telegraphed ending (I wont go that spoiler heavy) But over all an optimistic one.

It also arrived at its ending quite suddenly and it feels a little like Mr Heinlein suddenly ran out of ideas and wanted a quick exit.

The Verdict!

I liked it a lot. Despite the flaws in the narrative an bad politics at times. The core story and main characters are loverly. It makes you question things and leaves you with a warm glow that makes you want to greet everyone with "thou art god"

I think I have some more specific thoughts about some of the things raised in this book but I have to let all this noodle about for a bit.

I will read again on day, I'm sure.

[the-void-writes]

Nurse Me: Jasio

Another quick but sweet Jasio prompt for you, my dear friend! Thanks so much for suggesting it! Instead of choosing who would nurse who, I cheated and did two separate instances lol.

Freaks of Preston - Nurse Me

“Rio!”

His heart jumped in his chest as Jason rushed into the room, hands hovering over the burn marks on his arm. He took the gauze from Rio’s hand and placed it back on the table.

“You can’t just wrap it up!” Jason said. “You have to treat it with water and ointment.”

“Jay, they’re just force-field burns, they’ll go away soon.”

“That’s not good for you— Please, let me help you.”

Rio stared at him for a bit. He knew Jason cared, obviously, far more than he probably should have. The surprise was in his level of care and attention. No one had ever offered to patch him up before.

“If it’s not a bother to you, then sure.”

“Caring for you isn’t a bother, Rio.”

Jason moved like a bullet, dampening a few rags in the sink and digging some burn cream out of the cabinet. The wet towel stung against Rio’s arm, but it slowly eased a bit of the searing itchiness on his skin, with the cream relieving the rest of it. With the proper treatments in place, Jason finally wrapped the gauze around Rio’s arms.

His pale eyes were perfectly focused on his work. It made Rio feel important, in a way. Jason was determined to keep him healthy and safe, more so than anyone ever had in his life. His compassion was so strong and admirable that Rio couldn’t help falling more in love with him.

“You’re a pretty good doctor,” Rio said.

“I’ve treated a lot of injuries,” Jason said. “Four children and six patients teaches you a lot.”

“I don’t doubt it. You’re amazing.”

Jason kept his head down to hide his smile. “I’m amazed you’ve been living without treating your burns.”

Rio chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, tease me all you want.”

“I only hope you don’t neglect your other injuries or illnesses. I’ll have to become your personal nurse.”

“You don’t have to do that, Jay. My health isn’t your problem.”

Jason paused and stared at him. “Rio— I’ll still worry about you.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Rio grumbled. “I should do this myself.”

He relaxed as Jason touched his chest, massaging him through the tough fabric of his shirt.

“I can’t imagine how tough it’s been for you, having to live on your own for so long.” Jason kissed his chin. “But I promise, you don’t have to do this stuff on your own anymore. I’m more than happy to help you.”

Rio sighed and pulled him close. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“You can always tell me again, dear.” Jason giggled. “I love to hear it.”

The soldier smiled and kissed his angel. “Good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How are you feeling, Jay?”

Jason took a moment to blow his nose, clearly answering Rio’s question. It was a cold autumn morning, and Jason had developed an awful fever. Even when he was sick and exhausted and miserable, he looked like a piece of art. The tip of his nose was as red as his hair, and Rio couldn’t help but find him adorable, especially when he clung to the pillow under his head.

“How much longer until the meeting?” Jason asked.

Rio had to laugh. “Jay, you can’t be serious. You can barely stand.”

“They need me, Rio. No one else in this damn building can do anything.”

“That’s no reason to work yourself to death, baby.” He kissed the top of his head. “I’m gonna make you some food, and you better still be in bed when I get back, okay?”

Jason sighed and nodded weakly, not having the energy to argue. Rio made him a quick can of soup and a cold glass of lemon-lime soda— If it worked on Jin, it would probably work on Jason, he reasoned. If not, then he’d have to call Avery for advice.

Thankfully, Jason was still in bed when Rio returned. He helped him eat as best as he could while they watched some old program on TV. Jason rested his head on Rio’s chest, and even though his body was warm and fidgety, he seemed to be at peace.

“Thank you, dear,” he whispered.

Rio massaged his hand for him. “Anytime, Jay. Just take it easy, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

Jason hummed. “Is that so, Mister Untreated-Burns?”

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Never, it’s too funny.”

“You’re lucky you’re sick, Angel, or I’d kick your ass.”

“I know.” Jason chuckled softly. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Rio couldn’t help but smile. “Just get some rest, you goofball. You can tell me how lucky you are later.”

[ibijau]

more of baby nhs getting sent to Gusu very early

warning for mentions of child abuse still

It’s not a very big room, especially when Huaisang is going to share it with someone else. It’s also very sparsely decorated compared to the one he has in the Unclean Realm, but he’s starting to realise that things are just like that in the Cloud Recesses.

“Please sit,” Lan Xichen says for the third or fourth time.

And for as many times, Huaisang stays standing, looking around awkwardly. He doesn’t like it here. This whole place is too quiet, and this room is too empty, and the bed looks too hard. Huaisang doesn’t like it. He misses his da-ge, and he misses a-die too, even after what happened. He is wary of the two boys with him, Lan Xichen who smiles too much, Lan Wangji who doesn’t smile at all.

“It’s really fine for you to take my bed,” Lan Xichen insists. “It’ll be more comfortable than whatever they bring in later, and you’ll need to be comfortable. This must be so inconvenient.”

Even though it’s useless, Huaisang instinctively tries to cover his wounded arm with his other hand.

At home he has stayed fairly isolated after that incident, so he hasn’t had to bear with anyone looking at his arm except Zonghui and da-ge, who he both trust implicitly. They know the truth about what happened, and even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t think ill of him for getting hurt. But the Lan brothers don’t know. 

Huaisang was dropped with them by Lan Qiren who just said that Huaisang will stay in Lan Xichen’s room until his arm is healed, and then left to make necessary arrangements. Lan zongzhu, whom Huaisang likes far better than Lan Qiren because he is much more gentle, went his own way as soon as they entered the Cloud Recesses. So Huaisang is alone with strangers who probably think he is weak for getting hurt like that. They must think he fell and wasn’t even skilled enough in martial arts to know how to land without hurting himself. They must think he got into a fight with someone too strong for him and didn’t know when to quit.

As long as they don’t guess the truth, it doesn’t really matter what they think, Huaisang knows. Still, he has his pride too, and he doesn’t like that this is the first impression he’s making.

Lan Xichen, seeing all his efforts to be nice fail, sighs deeply and turns to his brother.

“Wangji, can you go see if tea might be brought? And something to eat as well. Nie gongzi has travelled from very far, I’m sure he’d be happy to eat something.”

Lan Wangji frowns, so slightly that Huaisang wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t watching these two so carefully. In answer to that frown, Lan Xichen only smiles until his brother gives in and leaves the room. Huaisang watches him go, fascinated by the way those Lan people walk. It’s almost like they’re floating, nothing at all like the way people at home go about their business.

“Nie gongzi, let’s sit together,” Lan Xichen offers, coming closer and pushing Huaisang toward the bed.

Since it’s impossible to refuse anymore, Huaisang obeys. The bed, just as he feared, is very hard. At home, he has pillows and many blankets, because a-die spoils him.

Spoiled him.

Not anymore, not even if he bought that pretty fan.

Sitting on the bed, fidgeting with his sling, Huaisang looks down at his feet. He tenses when Lan Xichen sits next to him, and refuses to look at him. He smiles too much, Huaisang isn’t used to that and he’s not sure he likes it.

“This must be really hard for you to leave home like this,” Lan Xichen says. “I know I would be scared if I had to.”

Huaisang shrugs. He should be scared, sure. Mostly, he feels uneasy. He doesn’t like it here. But he wasn’t really liking it back home either, not anymore. He can’t say that, but he’s glad that he’s far away from a-die. If only da-ge were here too, safe too, then Huaisang wouldn’t mind so much.

“Since we’ll be sharing a room until you’re better, I think we should try to be friends,” Lan Xichen says. “It’ll be nicer like this, won’t it? Maybe you can tell me about your home. I’ve heard a lot about Qinghe, but I’ve never been there. Is it very nice?”

Huaisang energetically nods. Of course it’s nice. It’s his home, so it’s the best place in the world, with the best food in the world, and his sect is the greatest. It’s obvious.

It's why the Wens don't like them, he's heard some disciples say. Qinghe Nie is just too great, and Wen Ruohan can only wish he had a son as skilled as Nie Mingjue.

“I hope you’ll like it here too,” Lan Xichen remarks. He pauses, and laughs softly. “To be honest, most of the guest disciples don’t really like the Cloud Recesses, so maybe you won’t either. People say it’s too quiet, and there are too many rules… but I find other places are too noisy. Quiet places are nice too. Oh, and do you like music?”

“Hm.”

“That’s good then, because we use music to cultivate here. Do you play any instruments?”

“Mm-mm.”

“Too bad. Maybe you can learn, when your arm is better,” Lan Xichen offers. “A man of good birth should play the guqin at least. Do you know the other four arts?”

“I play Go with my da-ge,” Huaisang mumbles. “I’m not very good.”

“You’re still young, it will come. Wangji isn’t very good either, but don’t tell him I said that. Sometimes I let him win, just so he doesn’t get discouraged.”

Huaisang can’t help a small smile. He suspects that his da-ge does the same, to encourage him. And so even though Lan Xichen really smiles too much, Huaisang starts thinking he might not dislike him after all.

“We can play together too,” Lan Xichen suggests. “It is always nice to play with someone new.”

“Will you let me win?” Huaisang asks, looking up at Lan Xichen’s face for the first time since they sat together.

Lan Xichen blinks a few times at the impertinent question. Huaisang almost fears getting in trouble for this, even though he should know better than to misbehave, especially toward someone who has even less reasons than a-die to put up with him. He braces himself for a scolding.

Instead Lan Xichen turns away and tries to hide laughter behind his sleeve.

“Nie gongzi, shouldn’t you try to win with your own skill first?” he teases when his laugh calms down. “Letting you win… we’ll see. I don’t think I will, not at first. I want to see if you can beat me on your own first. Isn’t that more fun?”

As long as he wins, Huaisang doesn't really care how. Winning just because someone is sad for him and lets him… that's still winning. He knows he can't say that out loud though. If Lan Xichen is like other people Huaisang knows, he'll say hard work is the only way to get anything, and he must strive to improve… And Huaisang is too tired and depressed to put up with a lecture right now.

“Then I will try hard to be worthy of a game with Lan gongzi,” he sighs. “Please be merciful if I do badly.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine. If not, I will try to help you improve.”

Huaisang knows he should smile and give thanks and be nice. Lan Xichen doesn’t have to be this kind to him, so Huaisang should be grateful, but now it’s all starting to catch up with him. He’s in this place, he’s without his da-ge for the first time in his life, he’s going to be like that for a long time maybe, and it’s scary. 

He misses da-ge so much.

Da-ge too promised to help him play better, and sometimes Huaisang did win all on his own, thanks to da-ge's advice.

Huaisang doesn’t want to be here in this new place, with new people. He wants to be home, with his brother. He wants to go find Lan zongzhu and beg him to take him back. He’ll be quiet, he’ll be good, he’ll never bother his father again. He’ll do anything, if he can just go home.

Huaisang half feels like crying.

He keeps it in though, because he can’t embarrass himself like that in front of strangers. He’s a Nie, he should only cry with people he can trust. Right now, that means only with his da-ge, who is too far away, alone with their suddenly unpredictable father.

Huaisang really, badly wants to cry.

Thankfully, Lan Wangji returns at that moment, carrying a tray with tea and some cakes. If it was impossible to cry in front of Lan Xichen, then it is even more so in front of Lan Wangji who gives off the air of never having shed a tear in his life. So Huaisang puts on a neutral face, hops down from the bed, and goes to sit at the table where Lan Wangji put the tray.

Carefully, as if he were serving some great and important person, Lan Wangji pours tea, first for Huaisang, then for his brother and for himself. His gestures are slow and elegant in a way that Huaisang can only envy. Suddenly, it makes sense, the way disciples at home speak of Gusu Lan. If someone the same age as Huaisang can be so refined, then the adults have to be even more so.

It would be nice, to be elegant like Lan Wangji.

“Lan gongzi…”

“It’s just us here,” Lan Xichen remarks, passing him his cup of tea and a share of cake. “You don’t have to be so very formal in private. Right, Wangji?”

Lan Wangji throws his brother an unimpressed look, pinching his lips somewhat. Huaisang feels a little awkward for a moment, wondering if this is an argument that those two brothers had had before. Lan Wangji seems like the sort of person who really is too formal at all times. Didn’t he call his brother xiongzhang earlier?

“You can call me by my courtesy name,” Lan Xichen insists. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Huaisang hesitates, and shakes his head.

“Lan gongzi is older, it wouldn’t be proper to address him so casually,” he mumbles. “Already Lan gongzi is going to be troubled so much because of me, I can’t be disrespectful as well.”

This seems to sadden Lan Xichen a little, but he doesn’t push any further.

"Then call him gege," Lan Wangji encourages in a monotone voice. “From you, it’s fine.”

Huaisang could swear there's a slight smile to his eyes. Intrigued by that, he doesn't notice Lan Xichen rolling his eyes and looking mildly annoyed. 

"Can I really, Xichen-ge ?" Huaisang asks.

Lan Xichen, who had opened his mouth to say something to his brother, closes it and stares at Huaisang with a somewhat funny expression. For a moment Huaisang worries that he was tricked into saying something he shouldn't have, and that he'll get in trouble already. Quickly enough, Lan Xichen breaks into a radiant smile. 

"Yes, you can. It would be very welcome, in fact,” he says, glancing at his brother and wrinkling his nose. “Oh, but drink your tea, Huaisang. You look so tired, it will make you feel better.”

It is a little awkward to pick up the cup with only one hand, but Huaisang manages without making a mess for once.

The tea is very good, a different blend from what Huaisang is used to drinking at home. It has a touch of bitterness to it, but it’s still very pleasant and refreshing. It goes very well with the cakes that Lan Wangji brought, which have a subtle flavour. Huaisang does feel a little better after.

Maybe it won’t be so bad here.

[beebubb]

I read your LJ and will headcanons and i really love them! Can you perhaps make some headcanons of when LJ had to take care of baby william? Like how would he treat him when he hated him and then when he actually grew to like him?

Ahhhhhh!!! Yessss!!! I'm gonna make this a post of LJ taking care or will from newborn to now

LJ taking care of william grossman headcanons (childhood all the way to now) + a bit of will's back story

Will as a baby

Will was assigned to LJ before will was even born

So while everyone was celebrating the pregnancy, LJ was just pissed

"GODDAMNIT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T USE PROTECTION!!"

no one could hear or see him obviously, so he could say what ever he wanted

He just look at the dad be like "i bet that brat isn't even yours!"

He would just DREAD the day will was finally born

When will was born, and his mom finally came back home with will in her arms, was when he finally met him

".....he looks exactly like fucking isaac goddamnit!!!!"

He wouldn't take care of will and could care less about him

He would appear to will whenever he was alone in the nursery room and just say the meanest things to him or just hate anything will did

".....you're the cum shot your mom should have swallowed...."

"can you shut the fuck up?!?"

*carrying him* "go to hell you annoying waste of space"

"i wish I could take your eye out like I did to your fucking grandpa....."

"you know I can gut you whenever I feel like it"

Or just make dark jokes

"i can knock all your teeth over just like isaac! Wait, you don't have any! Hahaha!!"

LJ doesn't admit but, when he was watching over will, he just started crying, he was just so overwhelmed by everything, especially knowing he was stuck with his enemy's grandkid "i hate that i'm stuck with you!!! Why the fuck would you even want me?!? You're just going to abandon me just like your damn grandfather!!!"

With time though, he started growing fond of him

Will was really close to LJ. He would just smile to him, laugh, grab his pointy nose, and even if jack rarely carried him, you know those feathers jack has on his shoulders? Will would immediatly fall asleep with those

Once LJ was a bit more ready to care for him, was when he actually started trying

"Alright, i'm your guardian! I hate it! But if i'm stuck with you, i'm going to raise you MY way!"

"I'm the one protecting you so you BETTER say my name as your first word, got it?"

It took him a bit to warm up to him but it eventually came along

Will was a cuddly baby, so he loved to sleep on LJ's shoulder and grab his nose

"let go of my nose before I kill you"

When he was finally attached to will, he was acting more of a parent than anyone.

He would hate it if someone didn't take proper care of him

"you're holding him wrong!"

"he doesn't like to be held like that!"

"you're supposed to put 2 scoops of formula! Not 1!!"

"goddamnit I'm doing most of the work here!!!"

"if yall wanted a kid you should atleast know to care for it!"

Will's first word was JJ.

It was his attempt at saying LJ

"holy shit!!! That's not my name but it's close!! I knew it!!"

His mom and dad saw it as insignificant and thought it was just those weird baby noises that babies make

But LJ knew what he meant and was more happy than ever

"he likes me more!! In your face assholes!!"

Will as a toddler

LJ was there for his first words, so he was also there for will's first steps

Will was also a very energetic kid, and once he started crawling and walking, it was more chaos for his parents

They had to baby proof a lot of things

But LJ could keep up with his energy, and sometimes even tire him

Though there was this one time when will called him "daddy" and his dad thought he was calling him but actually, he was talking to LJ

Many think that LJ might hate to be called that sense well, you know, he hates children, but he honestly didn't know how to feel. He was a bit surprised, a bit happy, and confused

He didn't deny it, it was just like

Toddler will: daddy! Daddy!

LJ: um....uh... Lets keep playing ok?

LJ loved will and was happy to care for him and pretty much the hate he had towards him was pretty much gone but, he didn't really know how to feel

He let it slide but will called him that a lot

LJ would get a bit emotional sometimes but he would just try to ignore it and keep playing with will

Or he would just slightly smile

Will as a kid (4-11)

Will was now more aware and way more energetic

Which was more fun for LJ

Will didn't have many friends, except for LJ

Even if he was happy and energetic, will was a shy child at school.

Also he didn't play with anyone except jack

The teachers thought that will was weird and called his parents a lot

The teachers would always say stuff like "he doesn't play with any of the other children, and talks alone like if he were talking with someone else especially someone he says is called" jack", is everything OK at home? Have you seen a family psychologist?"

Will was actually taken to a few therapy sessions but he wasn't diagnosed with any mental illnesses. So people just assumed that will just had a really active imagination and that jack was just an imaginary friend

Though will being "weird" just meant he was gonna be an easy target to get bullied

But jack wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let some asshole kids ruin will's childhood

Sometimes when the kids would go to the bathroom or just go to the hallway to the drinking fountain, he would scare them by turning the lights on and off

Or he would even follow them home and would make his claw like hands appear from inside their closets or under their beds.

Sometimes he would even grab their legs which would terrify the kids

They soon stopped bothering will because "jack will come and get you!"

So will had a pretty good childhood thanks to Jack sense he would protect him of pretty much everything

When will was in kindergarden they had arts and crafts, he would sometimes draw his mom and his dad together but mostly his drawings were of jack

The teachers thought the parents were irresponsible because lets say that sometimes will's drawing were a bit graphic or creepy and they thought that it was because will watched too much horror movies

Teacher: what are you drawing, William?

Will: it's Jack and I!

Teacher: oh that's nice! But.. What.. What are you doing with Jack?

Will: We're using the stuff inside the guy's belly to make balloon animals! *keeps drawing* jack said that I'll be a killer when I grow up!

Jack was just a proud clown guardian

Jack's prized possession was a drawing that will made of the two of them. It just made him feel really appreciated. Also he encouraged will to play with the kids but will just preferred LJ

LJ: you know that you can play with the other kids right?

Will: i don't want to! I don't like the other kids! I want to be with you, you're my best friend!

It was just fun with will that someday jack would spend days laughing and laughing that sometimes it felt like he would get his colors back

Also will learned to cuss at a young age. And everyone can already guess where he got that from

He was a horror movie fan

Which is why he always said "i want to be like Jason when I grow up!"

"i want to do what leatherface does!"

"I'm going to be just like ghostface!"

But when LJ told him about the pastas, is when he started admiring them

"when I grow up, I'm going to work for slenderman!!"

Also you know in that one comic page where will was at the institution and said "i am the one and only grossman! And I will become the greatest killer the world and the underworld has ever seen!"

Well he had been saying that ever sense he was a kid

Will's mom was a really caring and nice mother but she would soon start getting angry every time will said he wanted to be a killer

Everytime the family got together or the neighbors would ask will what he wanted to be when he grew up, will's mom would always get embarrassed and try to change the answer

Neighbor: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Will: i want to be a killer!

Mom: AN ACTOR!! he wants to be an actor!! He just.. Um... Has seen so many horror movies and well he likes the actors! So he wants to be one!

Will would always get scolded by his mom or get grounded

"William, i told you a million times!!! Stop saying you want to be a killer!!! That doesn't exists! Just choose something normal!!"

William would sometimes just stand or sit in the corner and cry

LJ was always there to comfort him

"Don't cry buddy! Don't listen to that bitch! You will be a killer!"

His mom would get annoyed a lot of will talking about LJ

"You're six!!! You're old enough to know that jack is just an imaginary friend!"

"He's not imaginary!!!!"

And ever sense will knew about the underworld, that's the only place he would talk about.

Will: LJ please take me with you!! I want to go to the under realm! I want to meet jeff the killer! And ben! And masky! And slenderman!

LJ: i can't take you now but i promise i will when you're older!

Will loved his parents but he slowly started disliking them.

His mom always seemed embarrassed of him and his dad was becoming distant

The day that his parents got divorced, he did cry a few days.

He would always ask LJ "did dad leave because of me?"

But jack was there to reassure him it wasn't his fault.

"He's just a deadbeat bitch dad! But i'll be here for you! You don't need him!"

LJ pretty much took a fatherly role to will but never realised it

In will's school he had this "bring your parent to school day" thing and he didn't tell his mom, he wanted LJ to come

LJ didn't have a human disguise like the other pastas sense he was technically an imaginary friend. So he had to consult the rulers of hell to give him a temporary one or grant him that ability

LJ: Come on please! He really wants me to attend! Lend me a fucking hand here!

Paimon: i don't know, your job is just to protect him, you don't NEED to attend something as simple as a school event, he has his mother

LJ: i know but my boy wants ME to come! He doesn't want his damn mother to go!

Yeah, LJ called him "his boy"

He was more of a father than ever even if he didn't admit it

Bael: *sighs* fine, we'll give you a disguise just for today

LJ: yes! Thank you!

And LJ was able to go to will's school, he just presented himself as will's uncle

Will was happier than ever

Jack tried to act normal so he made up lies of his career

"Oh um i'm a....surgeon!"

Being a surgeon was the closest thing to his actual job. I mean, they both take out people's guts right?

Will as a teen (13-17) (basically now)

Will had a bit of an emo phase but not completely. It only appeared whenever he was with his mom

Only when he was with his mom he was distant and always seemed annoyed

He became the typical angsty teen. Started drinking, getting piercings, dying his hair, wear black, eyeliner, etc

Mom: another piercing?!

Will: yeah! Why do you care!?! I'm already an embarrassment to you aren't i?!

They would get into arguments a lot

Especially because of his sexuality

His mom didn't respect will's privacy so he would always check his texts, pictures, etc

"You're talking with girls AND boys?!?!"

Will was bisexual but only LJ knew obviously.

"If my boy likes guys then fucking let him!!! Stupid bitch!!!"

Though no matter who won the argument, it always ended with will crying or just laying on his bed listening to music

William would run away a LOT

Him and LJ had found an abandoned hospital where they would always hang out.

Will could be himself with LJ

His mood and attitude completely changed there.

They would drink beer together, tell jokes, prank random people in the streets, or just do random things

"Look at this street sign i stole!!"

But how did will finally go to the underworld? A family argument in will's 16th birthday

His mom invited everyone to the house.

But will was uninterested

And his mom like always, didn't want to "be embarrassed" by will, so he forced him to wear something else besides black, to take all of his piercings off, and didn't let him dye his hair

Everyone was there eating together

But will, like always, was distant

Uncle: so how are things in school?

Will: everything's fine

Cousin: what college are you going to?

Will: *shrugs*

Will hated his party.

LJ: enjoying your sweet 16? Haha!

Will: i hate it....

LJ frowned seeing him upset in his own birthday, but he gave him something

LJ: hey, i got you a little something! I know you want to be a killer so here!

He gave will the bird mask

Will: ! My...my first killer mask?!

LJ: yep!

Will: holy shit!!! Thank you! *puts it on* i love it!! I look like an actual serial killer!

LJ: i knew you would like it!

Will was super happy with his mask but he was called outside to cut the cake

"Cut your cake bud! Once this party is over, how about we go get some drinks?"

Will smiled "alright!"

He went out to cut his cake.

A few hours later though, everything was ruined

Will had another argument with his mom.

Will: I'M your son!!! Not them!!! Why do you like them more?!

Mom: i do like you will! I just...i just want you to be normal like them! I want you to want a normal career! To do better in school! To dress differently, and like girls!

Will: i DO like girls!!!

Mom: then why were you talking to boys?!?

Everyone just looked at will in shock

Will: b-because.....because i'm fucking bisexual!!! I like boys AND girls!! I'm not gay!!! There's a difference!!!

Mom: but you like boys!! That's not normal!! Nothing of you is normal!! Liking boys isn't normal! And being a killer isn't normal either!!

Will: oh so you hate me for being me?!?! I fucking hate you!!! You make my life a living hell!!!

Will stormed off to his room and locked himself and started sobbing.

Jack saw everything. He would have killed will's mom but everyone was there, plus he wasn't allowed to (a disadvantage of having a deal with the rulers of hell)

Will felt humiliated infront of the whole family

Jack saw how upset he was, so that's when he finally made up his mind

LJ: hey, remember when i told you i was bringing you to the underworld one day?

Will: *wiping away his tears* y-yeah?

LJ: well, that's today!

Will: wait, really?!?

Will immediately sat up his a smile on his face

LJ: yep! How about we leave this place? Let's go to to the underworld! You won't have to worry about your mom anymore! Or that shitty family of yours!

Will: yes!!!!! Yes I'd love that!!!

LJ: then pack your things and lets go!

Will got up from his bed and started packing. And once he was done, he just stood up smiling with his bags in hand

Will: let's go!!

LJ covered will's eyes with his hands.

And before Will knew it, he was in the underworld.

And that's when will finally started a new life.

LJ didn't have a luxurious life to give will but will loved it. Even if they lived in a shitty apartment, will was more happy than ever.

Will was still underage so LJ took care of getting him registered as an official underworld citizen and getting all the paper work done to have full custody of will as his guardian

So he basically adopted will

Will: i can actually be a killer here right?

LJ: yep! There's actually an institution for killers! So I'll start working on enrolling you in!

Will: yes!!!

And that's basically how their lives started

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 1: CamelNOT

[Lively Music Plays]

I shit you not... that’s what it said in the CCs.

Tower of London (?)

*Catherine looks at the array of crowns like a museum curator and the proceeds to strut down the halls*

Wolsey: *gives her this strange look which is a mixture between damn girl and the eagle is my spirit animal.

Then Catherine gets fake detained and taken to Henry in what must be a strange variation of the whole Robin Hood/Maid Marian roleplay they historically engaged in.

... did she just call his erhm manhood his kingship? Well that’s original, I’ll give them that. Also funny how Bessie Blount initially looks on in fright... don’t worry girl that will be you soon.

———————————————————————

*the four ladies have a brunch friendship moment together*

I see Blount is among them... I see they are setting her up as Catherine’s friend in order to play up the whole betrayal.

Alright. Jokes aside, I realised how much I’ve played myself. I was inspired by @melusineloriginale ‘s sporks (which if all this TSP episode posts got you in the mood for PG show mockery I urge you to check out here - you’ll thank me later). In truth, Henry VIII’s early reign is a bit too late from my main area of focus for me to make intelligent jokes.

I’ll content myself with just bullet-pointing random thoughts that came into my head, and if some intelligent thought gets through, well that would be the pinnacle. In any case I’ll aim to not parrot some of the stuff that’s already been said, repetition can get annoying.

This image embodies this post, but maybe not the show. I’ve noticed those Starz productions get better by the end.

First Scenes:

- The recap just reminded me how much I will miss Margaret Beaufort in the coming episodes. I know her portrayal was innacurate but Harriet Walter just made everything better.

- They are making such a big deal out of this whole ‘we were crowned together, we rule together’ thing in this episode - it makes no sense. Catherine was an influential Queen but she was definitely no more than a consort and never saw herself as more.

- Ruairi’s new haircut is pleasing to my eyes.

- When she says ‘Abuelo’ it’s super adorable awww

The Ferdinand and Charles V scene:

- Bessie Blount looks so much like Ursula Pole lmao. Also they totally got the Pole children’s birth order wrong and UGH WHERE IS GEOFFREY POLE???

- I like Mary Tudor’s actress and her facial expressions. However, this whole polyglot image they are representing is innacurate. I am fairly certain she knew no spanish and I recall reading a contemporary account which said that she was not very learned.

- I’m pretty sure it would be considered bad luck to prematurely crown your son ‘Henry IX’ while you’re still alive.

- I actually like the whole Grape motif in this episode. It’s probably the smartest thing they’ve come up with so far for this episode. I know a lot of you will be all like ‘there’s no record of Ferdinand being abusive’ but this choice sort of makes sense when you recall Joanna’s treatment. Also I appreciate them for not being tacky and showing flashbacks of more overt abuse eg physical. The sugared grape is also fairly symbolic (the sugar is like a gilding, the grape easily crushable)

- OMG the guy from Garrow’s law is playing Thomas More!

- AND PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME IM NOT SEEING THINGS? Margaret Pole x Thomas More is happening?? Please god that is a historical crackship I am getting behind. Yes. This is what I’m most invested about.

Margaret Tudor and Scotland Scene:

- The whole ironic cutaway to Margaret being all depressed after Charles Brandon’s statement about her charming Scottish king is such a cliché movie technique.

- If this were a more artsy film I would think the whole setup resembling a stereotypical middle-class family breakfast was done on purpose for humorous effects or to create a link with the past. But here I don’t have as much trust in the producers. I think they just failed to capture the time period accurately.

- The modernisms continue: ‘Negassi please stop playing’ idk, there just something so modern about this for some reason ahaha

- Also again, I’m getting tired of all this ‘Catherine is basically queen herself’, ‘Catherine is a political genius’, ‘Catherine Catherine Catherine’ ugh. I don’t think the producers understand that Henry VIII was a very autocratic and traditional ruler. He didn’t make any show of joint-rulership (correct me if I’m wrong).

- The teeth thing is funny, smart and I liked it.

Back to Westminster:

- I like Ferdinand’s actor!

- Also Catherine’s response to ‘who are you loyal to?’ was not that smart. I feel like the producers wanted us to be impressed. What if Spain and England’s interests conflict, ey??

The Joust:

- I care too much for the whole Margaret Pole plotline. I’m so invested.

- I could watch a series of More and Pole just exchanging lines. I love the actors too and this is my hope for this series. The whole frustrated parents is SO CUTE.

- I didn’t know More tutored Reggie, I would be curious to know more.

- The way compton says groom to queen’s stool is freaking hilarious. He looks like a pervert.

- Henry Pole is a darling and must be protected at all costs.

- Oh Christ oh Christ that eyeball shot was just... good job on the special effects guys. Don’t know what the point of that choice was.

- I found the whole armour mentions after interesting, it looked so set up as a PR campaign because Stafford speaking about the armour just sounded like a statement agreed on beforehand ‘should have worn the same’ and the Catherine with ‘steel in the bones’ and Ferdinand’s impressed face (it was him playing them?)

- Am I giving this show too much credit?

- Also whats up with “God save the Queen?”

War Counsel:

- Henry VIII’s actor is quite charismatic in this scene. It’s almost as if Catherine is the hothead and Henry the wise one that speaks less but more significantly. It almost feels like they gender-swapped them.

The Bedchamber:

- Did Catherine breastfeed the baby? I thought it was Anne Boleyn. Doubtful... I’m tired of the trope of ‘you’re a good woman if you insist on breastfeeding the child yourself despite social conventions’. For a feminist show, the writers seem very attached to some 1950s perceptions of motherhood.

- I feel like the age difference between Catherine and Henry is well conveyed.

Scotland Again:

- ‘All the sheep were pregnant’ 👀 oh touché Margaret. oh my. Did she just?

- I know they are playing out this disenfranchised Margaret arc to reinforce how great Catherine and Henry are (cheap technique) and to build up to her involvement in Flodden (innacurate historically but I know what the show will do). But I will say this: the humour is pretty good in the Scottish scenes! But I know it’s unintentionally so... (I highly doubt they wanted us to laugh at Margaret hitting James or calling Alexander a pig).

Westminster and the baby chamber:

- What’s are those red splotches on the babies face??

- Oh that shot of Margaret and silent Reginald :((( it makes me sad.

- And now the Poles are at church! I just love the look of them.

- That scene of Maggie and Catherine was needed, as we didn’t get the best friends vibe much in this episode. The whole thing looked a bit pagan though, but it was nice :)

The whole Ferdinand’s betrayal segment:

- The grape motif again was fitting, him snapping the fruit right before she gets to it even despite her knowing what he’s like and what he’ll do, was a good parrallel.

- I’m tired of hearing of this ‘Camelot’. Even in the novel, Camelot was Catherine and Arthur’s dream and... can we just live it up with Arthur?

- Ursula Pole’s, Bessie Blount’s and Mary Boleyn’s actresses look way too similar.

- I fail to see why Catherine thinks she’s turning into her father... she doesn’t strike me as much of a game-player or subtle two-facer.

- I’m intrigued what will happen with Oviedo and Lina... I feel like they won’t stay in England long.

- He was made knight bannaret... nice... but why does he thank Catherine publicly for this? It was in Henry’s gift that he was made a commoner Knight.. if this transpired irl Henry would have been gravely insulter.

Catherine’s Dead Baby and thereafter:

- Guys. In all seriousness, I don’t think the TV series is trying to imply that Catherine killed the baby with her negligence. I mean, they are so bent on us liking her they wouldn’t do that. It would be a bit too ballsy anyway. Remember the red splotches I mentioned earlier? Could those have been a sign that he was already ill but no one noticed/was in denial?

- The pebbles in hands would have had more emotional payoff if it had been established earlier if you know what I mean. Basically, this episode is too fast and entire arcs begin and end within it which extinguished any build-up.

- Oh man Henry is so sweet in this, how will they build him up as the tyrant he was historically if they keep this up?

Scotland Again:

- I must admit, I don’t like all those nicknames they keep using. But somehow James calling Margaret ‘Meg’ is nice and seems fitting.

- What’s a hermana sister?

England Last Mourning Scenes:

- YOU DID NOT BUILD CAMELOT ughhh

- Why is Catherine giving the speech and not Henry?? It turns out Catherine was more emotional historically then the whole perception of ‘perfect queen of stone’ to which some people hold her. However, I doubt it would have been proper of her to give a speech in such a emotional manner.

Conclusion:

6.5/10

Some of the dialogue was stilted, the costumes are confused as to which era they’re supposed to be (aesthetically distracting) and many other characterisation issues.

I don’t have high hopes for this series in terms of cinematography or art but I sure as hell expect it will be entertaining. So far, everything is just getting set up and I find some aspects promising. As you can tell I am truly excited over how the Margaret Pole plotline. I am also interested in how Henry will be portrayed, with Catherine being so OTT and pushy this episode Im starting to Stan him more. In this show he appears sensitive and serene and kinda... adorable. Kind of like a little brother hanging onto his sister’s skirts.

But in a way that is a disservice to the real historical figure which would not tolerate such a representation. I am very irritated by this whole ‘joint-rulers’ thing which is just sooo innacurate. These STARZ shows have an obsession with showing women turn into men for the purposes of feminism - I see.

Catherine overpowers Henry too often and it sometimes feels like he’s HER consort. Of course, the feminism in this show is schizophrenic as we get the overemphasis of Catherine as a 1950s motherly ideal with the whole breastfeeding angle (“you’re better than other noble woman who would find this beneath them”, “they’re not as motherly as you”).

So the relationship dynamic between Henry and Catherine is a bit off at the moment, but oh well.

Mary Tudor is a bit distracting with her dark hair but I find the actress extremely endearing and promising. I know there will be emphasis on her storyline too and I hope they’ll not be clichéd with it.

[crushaa]

Explaining the long break and how I got diagnosed with ADHD:

This is a post about mental health. There’s a TLDR at the bottom :) 

“Apply yourself, Cien. If you wanted to pass this class, you would be trying.” 

When I was 15, I got my tonsils out. I got the same kind of statement from a few friends and even family members; “Oh yeah, they used to take EVERYONE’S tonsils out! Even if they didn’t need it, it was the cure to everything. But now everyone’s got ADHD, so that’s the new trend.” 

Around the end of July 2019, I was running out of steam. I still had plenty of creative energy, but I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to work on anything anymore. The truth is that I knew I would hit another music block, and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone else expected it too. My posting history has always been very irregular, even back in high school with long unexplained breaks in between new songs. Knowing it would happen, I felt confident in my ability to tackle it and change my pattern of behavior.

I never thought it would last this long. With each month passing by I began to feel guiltier and guiltier, trying to find out why I couldn't do it. I'd sit in front of an empty FL Studio project for hours, and all my Paint Tool Sai canvases never had more than a few lines.  As the months went on, some pretty dramatic life events took place- various family deaths, 2 near death experiences myself, an abusive doctor. For whatever reason, I just could not recover. 

I used the tragedies as excuses as to why I couldn't do it. It would be reasonable to not be able to do anything. My antidepressants were definitely working for the first time in my life, but why couldn’t I work? I spent the New Year holiday feeling just as guilty and frustrated as ever…. I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided that I was going to go back to my doctors loaded with new theories and ideas as to what could possibly be wrong with me. It never occured to me to tell anyone I couldn’t write more than 2-3 songs in one year when it’s literally my job to write music. 

I began speculating the possibility of another psychiatric disorder, and that made me nervous. Would she think I was lying? Or faking it? I could no longer stand the treatment from the nurse practitioner who had been treating my psychiatric illnesses. I’d always been very uncomfortable with how she treated me, but she’d found the rare genetic disorder I had. I felt that I owed my progress to her and that I should stick it out. But I was still leaving her office in tears at the end of every session. An off color comment, passive aggressive reminders to take my medication, the feeling that I had no say in my own treatment plan… it was too much.  But she was the only one in town who was available to see me. So I went, and I was administered an MMPI by a psychiatrist in that same building. At the end of February, I’d get the results.  

The next appointment with her was the last time she’s ever going to see me. The results of the test had come in as inconclusive, and my world fell apart. She asked what I thought of the results, and I answered truthfully. I told her I was afraid that she saw me as a hypochondriac. 

“Well what if you are?” I didn’t answer. “Well, you are,” she went on with a cocky smile. 

She began to tell me it was my own fault. She told me I had brain damage. But it was fine, because she told me I could be treated for believing I was still sick. 

It affected me deeply, for days I couldn’t stop crying or eat a full meal. The guilt, frustration and embarrassment swallowed me whole; the problem was me. Of course I was making it up. I felt suicidal for the first time in 4 years. There was no point in trying anymore because I as a whole was defective. This world would be better off without a lost cause like me. 

I pulled myself out of this headspace for a while one day, and realized that a HEALTH CARE PROVIDER made me feel this way. 

WHERE WAS THE BRAIN SCAN, BITCH????

 All the guilt, embarrassment, shame- it morphed into a new red hot burning rage. I fired her immediately and revoked any permissions she had. I went to my primary care doctor and asked him to prescribe me my psychiatric medications while I looked for a new psychiatrist, to which he agreed. I asked him for an ADHD test, but he wasn’t comfortable doing it himself. He referred me to a psychiatrist with a 6 month waiting list who then tried to refer me to the abusive nurse practitioner. I set up the six month appointment wait and began to look into doctors in other towns.

On Monday, April 6th, I went to go see a different doctor for something completely unrelated and walked out with an ADHD (Inattentive type) diagnosis. And now less than a week later, everything about my life has changed. 7 long months of executive dysfunction came to an end in the 1 hour it took for the first half-pill to dissolve. Hot damn. 

It felt like everyone else in the world was allowed to use the sidewalk to get from place to place, but there was a rule that I had to dodge incoming traffic to get anywhere. Now, I can use the sidewalk too. I am relearning everything that I know. 

I am no longer ashamed that I have the GPA of a baked potato. I know that I am not lazy, I am not stupid, and this was NOT my own fault; I was sick and nobody knew. The signs were there, but how we view ADHD has changed entirely since I was a child! People still called it ADD. So why was it so hard to get diagnosed in this day and age?

The stigma has shifted into something far more dangerous than I’ve ever realized it was. I don’t hear “I have ADHD OO SHINY” jokes anymore, you know? We believe it to be a grossly overdiagnosed behavioral disorder meant to punish children for having a lot of energy. We wave it off, calling it the new tonsil removal surgery trend. Of the three types of ADHD; Predominantly Hyper-Impulsive, Predominantly Inattentive (that’s me!), and Combined Type; a mix of the two, there tends to be more stigmatized attention towards the hyper-impulsive type. We believe in what we see, breaking the first rule of mental illness: Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. 

This leaves those suffering from both inattentive type and combined type to rot. Attention deficiency itself doesn’t have much of a stigma because it isn’t even seen as having a seat at the ADHD table. This is catastrophic and will continue to destroy lives because people don’t feel hyper enough to even consider that they might have ADHD. In turn, those who are told to try harder, apply themselves, stop procrastinating, and to stop being so lazy do not receive the proper care they need. Those who suffer without treatment get worse over time; they lose confidence in themselves, they don’t start new things in fear of the inability to finish, they break promises to friends and family with the inability to follow through, damaging important relationships beyond repair. 

My confidence has been shattered. I was the artist who failed art class. College was never an option because I knew I’d go straight back to failing every class I took. I feel like I am a burden and the token “lost cause” of my family, the one everybody worries about because I’m not right in the head. I’ve grown to become a reclusive, bashful adult who struggles to make and answer phone calls and emails. ADHD devastated my life in deeper ways than my OCD, my PTSD, my anxiety or depression ever could. 

The number of diagnoses are going up because we can recognize it better. This is not a bad thing- science is evolving to show possible causes of the disorder itself. We know not to smoke while pregnant anymore, we know not to eat and drink high fructose corn syrup, we know not to sit in front of blue light screens all day, and we’ll continue to learn.

As soon as I started my medication, I was able to start taking care of myself and working again. The symptoms of my other mental illnesses began to let up, and I felt like a human being for the first time in my life. I have control over my own emotions- I can walk on the sidewalk with everyone else, I am free. 

However, it’s going to take the rest of my life to unlearn the methods I came up with to perform basic self-care functions. It will take many years to gain confidence in myself, to make phone calls without shaking or to even consider the thought of college, potato grades and all. But my mindset has transformed from “I can’t” to “Maybe I could try,” --a first for me. 

Question everything, don’t settle for the minimum, and don’t stop fighting. Thanks for reading this post. I'm hard at work on Propaganda part 2 and hope to post it on May 31st. See you then :-) 

TLDR: ADHD destroyed my life in ways my depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses never could. The stigma surrounding ADHD is shifting to become more dangerous than it has been in the past.  

We live in a society.

[apharine]

Sightseeing

Chapter 3

Pairing:  Siane x Nanu

Fandom: Pokemon

Rating:  T

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 on Tumblr  |  Chapter 2 on Tumblr

My writing commission info!

Summary:   Siane hadn't meant to wind up in Alola, under Nanu's care, while she recovered from a mysterious illness that left her prone to weakness and collapsing. But now that she's here and getting stronger, she wants to see more of Ula'ula than just the rainy skies and the Po Town wall by Nanu's police station. And who could be better suited to give her a tour than the Kahuna of the island himself?

Notes:  Siane is the wonderful HybridDragoness’ OC, you can find her art of Siane here!  You can also find Hybrid on Twitter and AO3 under the same handle as on Tumblr!  For anyone who hasn’t seen yet, Hybrid has done some amazing art of a scene of her commission here!

                                     _________________________

“So, observatory next?”  Siane asks, once again dipping her feet in the water.

“Hmm,” Nanu hums, checking his watch.  The day is ticking by surprisingly fast, and he wants her to see Ula’ula Meadow more than anything else, at this point.  “Depends on how fast we can get back to the bus stop.  Buses leave for Mount Hokulani every 30 minutes, usually, so…”

“Okay,” Siane agrees, pulling her feet out and picking up the remains of their lunch.  She stuffs all the trash into one of the brown bags and goes to pull her shoes back on.

“There should be a trash can right over there.  I’ll be right back,” Nanu says, grabbing the brown bag and standing.  He’s right; the trash can is still just around the corner, and he drops their garbage in, moseying back to Siane and trying to mull through his thoughts a little.

To his surprise, Siane’s up on her feet and walking to meet him.

“If we’ve gotta make it to the bus stop for the half hour, we’ve gotta hurry, Nanu!”  She exclaims, a smile breaking across her features.  “C’mon -”

And then Nanu’s heart stops as her legs give out under her and she drops.

He’s close enough to her that he can rush forward and catch her before she hits the ground.  She falls mostly onto his shoulder, and his hands support her around her waist.  If he weren’t wearing pants, he’d probably have skinned his knees diving for her; as it is all he has is a little bit of fabric burn.

“Siane!”  Nanu shouts, gathering the girl up in his arms.  He rearranges her slumped form so that he’s almost holding her princess-style.  To his relief, she stirs in his arms.

“I went down, huh?”  She asks, blinking blearily up at him.

“Yeah,” Nanu says, pressing one hand to her forehead.  She’s a little warm, but nothing bad, and he can’t help but cradle her a little closer to his body with his other arm.  “You okay?”

“More or less,” she admits.  She always seems a little shaken after collapsing, but who can blame her?  Nanu figures he would be, too.  “Mostly thanks to you.  Thanks for catching me.”

“Of course,” Nanu returns, and though he tries to make his voice surly, it just comes across as soft.  “I’ll always try to catch you.”

Siane blinks at this admission, then sits up, using Nanu’s shoulders for a little bit of support.

“Well,” she smiles.  “Guess that makes you my hero in more ways than one.  Now c’mon - help me stand up.”

Nanu obliges in silence, pulling the young woman to her feet easily.

What did “my hero in more ways than one” mean?  Did she already consider him her hero?

The thought makes his chest swell with the same sense of pride he’d felt upon imagining showing Siane the island he loved.

“Let’s skip the observatory today,” Nanu says, letting go of Siane, though he lingers closer than ever before - just in case.  “You’re getting more worn down from all of this than you’d like to admit.”  Siane goes to open her mouth, but Nanu continues, not letting her get a word in edgewise.  “Besides - I really want to show you the Ula’ula Meadow today.  You’ll like that more than the observatory, anyway.”

“Yeah?”  Siane asks, apparently somewhat mollified.

“Yeah.  There’s not much to the observatory during the day, anyway.  I’ll take you at night sometime.”

Siane smiles and starts to walk; she’s a little unsteady on her feet, so Nanu continues to linger close.

“Is that a promise?”  She asks coyly.  Nanu snorts, a lopsided smirk pulling at his lips.

“Yeah, Siane.  I promise,” he returns, and he wonders why, exactly, it feels like he’s just gotten a pretty young thing to agree to a future date with him.

 “You seemed more excited about the Ride Charizard than you were about the Ride Tauros,” Nanu observes, quirking one eyebrow at Siane as they walk together, approaching Ula’Ula Meadow.  He’d been hesitant to put her back on a Charizard again now that she’d dropped once today.  At least on a Tauros, the fall would be relatively minimal, and the Pokemon could be urged to walk slowly under the guise of observing the scenery.

“The Ride Tauros was good, too,” Siane says mildly.  “And he was great at his job!  Very mellow and soothing to ride.  It’s just…”  Siane trails off for a moment, a smile playing across her lips.  “It doesn’t get better than flying, you know?”

Nanu hums in acknowledgement, feeling his lips tug up into a smile in return.

“You’re sure you’re feeling up to walking through the Meadow?”  He asks after a beat, holding a tree branch out of the way for Siane as they meander through the thicket that is the entrance to the Ula’Ula’ Meadow.   “I could call the Ride Tauros back…”

“No, I’m all right,” Siane insists.  “If this place is as gorgeous as you say it is, I want to walk and take it all in.  Besides,” she says with a playful smirk.  “If I have any issues, I know my big hero will catch me, right?”  She bumps Nanu’s shoulder teasingly with her own, walking past him.

Nanu is rooted to the spot for a minute, unable to come up with a response.  Big hero?  Him?

Finally, he lets go of the tree branch and follows after Siane.

“Yeah,” he mumbles.  “Something like that.”

A moment later, the pair step into Ula’ula Meadow proper, and whatever thoughts Nanu had been having about Siane’s quip disappear.  This is the moment he’s been waiting for all day - the chance to show off what he, privately, thinks of as the most gorgeous part of the island,

He’s not disappointed.  Siane stops dead in her tracks, taking in a sharp breath.  Her eyes widen and scan the scenery in front of her, the brilliant colors of the endless fields of dancing flowers reflected in her gaze.

And then a pair of Baile Oricorio swoop and chitter, dancing in the air across the meadow.  Another pair follow soon after, their brilliant red and black feathers flashing in the sun, but Nanu isn’t watching them.  He’s watching Siane.

A brilliant smile breaks across her face, and she follows the Oricorio until they disappear from sight.  Her eyes linger a moment where they’d vanished; then she turns to Nanu, affixing him with the full force of her beauty.

“Did you see them?  The four birds?”  She asks breathlessly.  “They were gorgeous.  This whole place is - it’s beyond gorgeous.  It feels like a waking dream.”

Nanu feels his stomach twist under the brilliance of her smile, her enthusiasm, and it’s only then that he starts to realize that he’s possibly getting in over his head.  He hasn’t felt like this in…so long.

He takes a deep breath in to steady himself and lets it out slowly, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

“I’m glad you like it,” he says.  “Ula’ula Meadow is the gem of this island, in my opinion.”

“I can’t believe you’re kahuna of all of this,” she breathes, turning to gesture at the endless flower fields.  Nanu ducks his head and puts his hands in his pockets, but Siane continues.  “That’s pretty amazing, you know.”

“You’ll make me blush, carrying on like that,” Nanu grumbles, but Siane catches the way he can’t quite suppress that soft smile she’d seen earlier.

“Oh?”  Siane says, quirking one eyebrow up at him.  “I didn’t even know you could blush.  I don’t think I’ve seen you blush once, in the whole time I’ve been with you.”  She grins teasingly at him, then steps into the meadow, treading the path carefully.  Nanu follows behind her, staying close as always.  “I bet you probably turn as red as these flowers when you do blush,” Siane laughs, gesturing at the swaying fields.  Nanu snorts, but doesn’t respond.  He honestly can’t remember how red he does or doesn’t get when he blushes.  In the distance, an Oricorio calls, then darts across the meadow again.  “Or as red as those birds,” Siane murmurs, suddenly entranced.  “What are they?”

“They’re called Oricorio.  They come in several forms across Alola.  This is the Baile form,” he explains.

“Fire Type?”  Siane guesses.

“Yup.  And Flying secondary type,” Nanu affirms.  “They actually change form depending on the type of nectar they consume.”

“Really?”  Siane asks, the fascination clear in her voice.  “That’s pretty interesting, from both a biological and conservation standpoint.  I’m going to want to hear more about that.  What kind of form changes do they undergo?”

Nanu starts telling her about the types of forms Oricorio come in, and which nectar influences which form, but soon, they’re at a crossroads in the Meadow.  Siane pauses just as Nanu’s finishing up about the Sensu Oricorio, and he walks past her, gesturing down the right direction.

“This way to get back home,” he says.

Siane continues to ask Nanu some questions about Oricorio as they walk, especially about the different types of nectar and what ecosystems they thrive in, and the two of them fall into an easy, companionable conversation.  Nanu leads the way through the Meadow, which, with its twists and turns, could seem rather maze-like to the unfamiliar.

And then, Siane falls oddly silent, no longer peppering him with little questions or making noises of interest as he talks about the nectar.  Nanu glances over his shoulder, concern clenching around his heart - had she fallen, and he’d failed to catch her?

But no - she’s on her feet, just distracted by something.  He follows her line of sight, eventually landing on the distant outline of the giant shrine perched in the Lake of the Sunne.  Its stone form is impressive, but Nanu can’t help but feel a sense of foreboding as he looks at it, as well.

Some things would be best left alone.

“What’s that?”  Siane asks.

“It’s an ancient shrine,” Nanu says, trying to keep his answer as clipped as possible.  It doesn’t work - of course it doesn’t, he thinks to himself.

“What kind of shrine?”  Siane presses.

Nanu sighs.

“I…don’t know if the shrine itself has a name, anymore.  But it’s all a part of the Lake of the Sunne.  It’s an ancient cultural site,” he explains.

“Really?”  Siane asks, her curiosity growing.  Nanu groans internally; this isn’t going well.  “We had shrines back home in Aedis.  Actually, some of them were connected to the sun, as well.”  She takes a few steps towards the path that leads to the Lake, drawn as if by an invisible force.

Nanu’s heart clenches, and he puts one hand on Siane’s shoulder, using enough strength to stop her from advancing any further.

“Where do you think you’re going?”  He asks, sounding gruff for the first time all day.

“Well, I was just thinking…there’s a path, and it looks pretty clear,” she suggests, her optimistic expression withering at the darkness that passes over Nanu’s face.

The last thing he’s going to let happen is to allow her to go there.

“That place is dangerous, Siane.  It’s old and dilapidated and literally falling apart in the water.  The last time I was in there,” he starts, then pauses as a cold chill passes over him.  He clears his throat, and finds it within himself to continue.  “The floor was close to breaking through in some places, and there was a lot of water damage causing frequent rockfalls.  I can’t - you can’t - expect yourself to be able to stay safe in a place as dangerous as that.  Not while you’re…” he trails off, letting the unfinished implication hang in the air.  Siane scowls, and Nanu wonders how deep this rebellious, headstrong streak of hers runs.  Would it get her in trouble, in the end?  Had it already, back home in Aedis?  “Besides,” Nanu murmurs, trying a different tack.  He softens the hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze instead.  “You’re starting to look tired, Siane.  Let’s go home together and you can rest up.”

The fire in Siane’s eyes simmers down, and her posture softens.

“I guess I am starting to feel a little worn out,” she admits, her eyes flickering back to the enormous stone building in the distance.

“Let’s finish enjoying our walk, then,” Nanu says, giving her shoulder one more gentle squeeze before turning and leading the way once again.  He listens carefully as he walks, and it’s not long before he hears Siane’s footsteps, soft on the ground, trailing after him.

“Nanu?”  She asks after just a couple moments.

“Yeah?”  He responds, continuing to walk.  He wants to get as far away from here as possible; a small part of him is regretting having come to the Meadow at all.

“Will you take me there, sometime?  To the Lake of the Sunne?”

“Hmm,” is the only response he gives, and to his relief, Siane doesn’t press any further.

There’s a somewhat heavy silence between them as they continue to walk; he can tell Siane has more questions for him about the shrine, but knows better than to ask.  He can hardly blame her - if there were altars to the sun in her homeland, of course she’d be curious about this one, too.  Truthfully, even Nanu himself turns over the idea of any correlation in the back of his mind; if the gold bridge in the Malie Gardens had been built as homage to a sister bridge in Kanto, who was to say that there wasn’t a sister shrine to this one in Aedis?

Finally, the path begins to run out, and Nanu can see the thicket that will soon open into Route 17 again.  Judging from the very humid air coming out of the trees, it’s likely raining, as usual, on his home route.

“Guess we better get ready to hurry back to the Police Station, or else get soaked,” Nanu grumbles.  Siane draws close to him, pausing by his shoulder.

“Guess so,” she says, then sighs.  Her eyes cast about the Meadow one more time; she looks sad, pained, even, to have to leave.  “Nanu?”  She says, her voice quiet.  “If you can’t promise to take me to the Lake of the Sunne someday, will you at least promise to take me back here sometime soon?  Back to the Meadow?”

There’s no way Nanu can deny her this simple request, especially when she’s got that look in her eyes.  She looks like she’s longing for freedom, like she’s afraid of being caged up again.

“Of course, Siane,” he says softly.  In the distance, over Route 17, he hears a roll of thunder.  The two of them look off to the incoming storm in unison.  “Must be getting bad out there,” Nanu murmurs, then glances over at the young woman standing next to him.  She’d been working so hard today - working to exhaustion, in fact, if the look in her eyes was anything to judge by.  To think that she was going to have to trudge through the cold rain in a moment, with hardly any protection…  Nanu shrugs out of his cop jacket.

“What are you doing?”  Siane asks, clearly baffled.  

“Here,” he says, handing her the jacket.  “I don’t have an umbrella or anything, and I don’t want you getting sick from being out in the rain while you’re run down like this…”

Siane gets the gist of his idea, a smile breaking across her face.

“Thanks, Nanu,” she beams, holding the jacket over her head.  “You ready?”

Nanu’s heart skips a beat once again.

“Yeah,” he agrees.  Protecting people may be his job, but it doesn’t explain the way his body - or his mind - are responding to this young woman.  It doesn’t explain the fact that he feels, in that instant, that he’d follow her nearly anywhere if she asked him.

“Come on!”  Siane calls, already jogging ahead and leaving him behind.  Nanu sets off after her.

“Be careful!”  He urges, but he gets only a laugh in response.

By the time they’re both safe and sound in the shelter of the Po Town Police Station, it’s pouring outside again.  They’re both breathless from the jog, though Nanu’s more soaked through than Siane - he’s pleased to see that his jacket served its purpose.  He spares a fond smile for her as he closes the door behind them; he can’t help but feel a little proud that she had made it all that way without any difficulty.

The smile she returns for him takes his breath away more than the jog had.

“That was brilliant,” she gushes, dropping his soaked jacket on the floor.  The water that’s permeated the fabric splashes a few of his gathering Meowth, who scatter with a hiss.  “Not just the long run, either - the whole day.  Everything was amazing, Nanu.  Thank you so much.”  To his shock, she wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling him briefly into an embrace.  His arms manage to come up just in time to embrace her back - but then, she pulls back and is gone, still smiling.  “I still don’t believe that there’s a desert out there on this island, though,” she laughs.

“There is,” Nanu insists.

“Doesn’t seem possible,” Siane teases him.

“As Kahuna, I can promise you, it’s there,” Nanu says, his smile growing a little wider.

“Yeah?”  Siane asks,   “Guess you’ll have to promise to take me there another day, too.”

Nanu laughs and shakes his head.

“Sure,” he acquiesces.  “If that’ll make you happy.”

“It will,” Siane agrees, and Nanu is surprised to feel his heart soar at the thought that this brilliant, beautiful young woman might actually want to spend time with him.

What was he getting himself into?

[yoiregencyweek]

Mr. Katsuki & Mr. Nikiforov

Promotion teaser for @yoiregencyweek​. We’re so excited! Please vote for the prompts you want to see in the event.

Art by @littledancer8-writes​ Ficlet by @linisen​

There are few things that made Victor Nikiforov lose his composure. He could count on one hand the times it had happened since presentation as an alpha, and all of them have been associated with Yuuri Katsuki.

The first time can hardly count as Victor’s fault at all. He had only been a year into presentation, hormones still raging in his veins, when Yuuri Katsuki stepped out from the carriage to attend a ball at the Nikiforov estate. Victor had been unable to stop himself from turning Mr. Katsuki’s hand and taking a deep breath right above his scent gland. His nose graced the glove-covered scent gland, and a gasp left Mr. Katsuki’s lips. It was a soft and almost inaudible, but Victor still heard it. He was sure he had been found out, and that Mr Katsuki would alarm his family. He glanced up to catch Mr Katsuki’s eye, which had grown wide in surprise. Victor carefully let go of his hand and straightened, still holding that caramel gaze. Mr Katsuki looked stunned, and Victor’s lips quirked up in a smirk.

“Pleasure to meet your acquaintance Mr. Katsuki,” he greeted. “I shall hope you will save me a spot on your dance card.”

“Yes,” Mr. Katsuki answered, a bit breathless. Perhaps Victor’s show of interest and lack of property was not unwanted. “I do enjoy to dance.”

The second time was during a picnic that Lady Baranovskaya had ochastrated. Victor had been delighted to know Mr. Katsuki would be in attendance, and had approached the omega as soon as he was able.

“Perhaps I could get you something to drink?” Victor asked, turning towards Yuuri who locked his wide eyed gaze to him.

“Thank you, that would be most kind,” Yuuri agreed, his long dark eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks bashfully.

“How is the summer season treating you?” Victor asked after fetching lemonade, and Mr. Katsuki smiled the most lovely smile, making Victor’s heart leap in his chest once more. The conversation was very pleasant, and Victor found himself enthralled by Mr. Katsuki’s wits and humor. So much, that he did not notice the dark clouds that hurried to cover the previously blue sky. Thunder cracked, and the sky split open to pour down on them. They were both soaked in a second.

They hurried towards the tent to seek shelter. The muslin of Mr. Katsuki’s dress clinged to his frame, the white fabric sheer from the pouring rain.  Victor could see every curve of his body from where the fabric had slicked itself on his skin. He averted his eyes quickly, even if he wished to look longer, to linger and see it all. Yuuri Katsuki is most lovely, and having more of his features on display was something Victor found hard to deny himself. As he looked away, he caught the wide eyed gaze of Yuri Plisetsy. The alpha’s eyes had dropped to Mr Katsuki’s form, lingering. A possessive growl rumbled in Victor’s chest. It was unbefitting for an alpha of his stature to act in such a way over an omega that was not his, and yet he could not stop. He hurried to shrug out of his jacket, only to hang it over Mr. Katsuki’s shoulders. Mr. Katsuki looked startled, but took a deep breath of Victor’s scent. For an alpha to be so bold was most definitely cause for scandal, but Mr. Katsuki did not seem to mind.

“Thank you,” he breathed, taking another deep breath of Victor scent.

The third time cannot be blamed on Victor either, because surely the stupidity of others cannot be something he shall have to answer for. They were at yet another dance, and Victor had to clench his jaw tightly so not to let his jealousy spill over as he watched Mr. Katsuki move across the dance floor in Mr. de la Iglesia’s arms. Victor was fairly certain that neither Mr. Katsuki nor Mr. de la Iglesia had any interest in each other beyond friendship, but there was still a possessiveness drumming in his veins as he watched them move across the dancefloor. He had to refrain from cutting in. He was saving their dance for later in the evening, for he wished for his touch to be the last Mr. Katsuki remembered during the carriage ride home. He made his way around the dancefloor instead. He was just passing a group of alphas  when he heard a name he recognized.

“Frankly I do not see the appeal,” Mr. Bin said. “No matter how pretty their youngest is, is beauty truly worth the trouble of such a low class family?” Victor felt his stomach turn. For all Victor knew about the Katsuki family, they were hard working, well-educated, and their estate was prospering in the gentry class. He felt anger rise in his chest, and even though he should refrain from saying something, he found he could not stop himself.

“Mr. Bin,” he said, calling for the attention of the entire party. “Perhaps you should see too that you are able to pay your staff fairly, before you start judging others.” Victor got the pleasure of seeing Mr. Bin’s mouth drop in shock, before he turned and walked away. Perhaps he should ask Mr. Katsuki to dance now after all.

The final one is the most scandalous one, Victor knows. Yuuri Katsuki was withering in his bed, forehead damp with sweat and pheromones filling the bedroom, calling out for an alpha to take care of him, and oh how Victor longed to answer.

“Mr. Nikiforov please stay,” Yuuri gasped, back arching as another wave of his heat rushed though his body. Yuuri had fallen ill during dinner, or so they had thought. He was just about to leave to send one of the serves for the doctor when the first true wave hit. Victor should have realised. Yuuri’s scent had been even stronger tonight, and it had only grown sweeter as the night progressed. It was not proper, but Victor could not deny either of them this, if they both longed for it. He looked at those dark eyes, almost black as the night now. Yuuri turned onto his stomach in a lewd display of presentation.

“Alpha,” he breathed, and Victor felt a shiver run down his spine. He shrugged off his jacket and let it fall to the floor, joining Yuuri on the bed.

“If we are to do this my darling, I feel it would be best if you would call me Vitya.”

“Vitya,” Yuuri breathed. “Please take care of me.”

“I promise,” Victor agreed, finally letting his hands touch heated skin. It shall have to be a fast wedding, he assumed.

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 15

This one is a bit shorter than normal... sorry :(

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/56725165

♡~Feli~♡: So Ludwig i have a question ♡~Feli~♡: How well do you protect against the germs

Ludwig: Pretty well, why

♡~Feli~♡: Because you live in ♡~Feli~♡: Germany

Ludwig: Feliciano Ludwig: I swear to god

...

Ludwig: https://youtu.be/tzQuuoKXVq0 Ludwig: I think you should watch this

♡~Feli~♡: Okie ♡~Feli~♡: The coffee one is so true i feel called out ♡~Feli~♡: OH I FOUND THE ITALIANS VERSUS GERMANS ONE ♡~Feli~♡: https://youtu.be/K0bI6YHhsvM

Ludwig: The vacation one is true

♡~Feli~♡: Yeah but lovi says you usually bring way more stuff and then ppl cant walk around the beach because of you

Ludwig: Well, I have only been to France for a summer vacation so there weren't a lot of options Ludwig: I am not a beach person to be honest

♡~Feli~♡: Thats cuz you ve never been to italian beachrs

Ludwig: I have never had a proper chance

♡~Feli~♡: Ill take you one day then ♡~Feli~♡: I promise you ll love it

...

♡~Feli~♡: Ludwig ♡~Feli~♡: Do you like planes

Ludwig: I guess Ludwig: Why?

♡~Feli~♡: I cant figure out how to draw them ♡~Feli~♡: They just end up looking like a deformed bird ♡~Feli~♡: I feel like ive created an outer space monster

Ludwig: I am not really the person you should ask for art advice Ludwig: Maybe try to find a model of some plane and keep practicing

♡~Feli~♡: Now you sound like my ex teachers ♡~Feli~♡: A trauma i never want to live through again

Ludwig: That reminds me Ludwig: What do you do for living Feliciano?

♡~Feli~♡: Clean after my brothers... ♡~Feli~♡: And art

Ludwig: So you don't have a part time job or anything?

♡~Feli~♡: Nope ♡~Feli~♡: Being lazy is my job acc to Lovi

Ludwig: That is fine Ludwig: I was just wondering because if you have to come here to work on the cover, I didn't want you to miss working hours

♡~Feli~♡: Id like to come someday ♡~Feli~♡: I wanted to see germany for a while

Ludwig: Well, if you don't have a place to stay at or you don't want to waste money on hotels, you are always welcome here Ludwig: Just call before you come

♡~Feli~♡: I will  ♡~Feli~♡: If i dont forget that is

...

♡~Feli~♡: So i found a list ♡~Feli~♡: Of my new years resolutions for 2018 ♡~Feli~♡: Guess which ones i did

Ludwig: None probably

♡~Feli~♡: Youd be close to correct ♡~Feli~♡: I did one

Ludwig: Which one?

♡~Feli~♡: I made a new friend ♡~Feli~♡: You

Ludwig: I... Ludwig: I am flattered

...

♡~Feli~♡: Ludwig do you like bugs

Ludwig: Not really, why?

♡~Feli~♡: I found this strange furry caterpillar its so cute

Ludwig: I feel the need to kinkshame you

♡~Feli~♡: Why?

Ludwig: For that word

♡~Feli~♡: Caterpillar ?? ♡~Feli~♡: Whats wrong with it ??

Ludwig: The one before it

♡~Feli~♡: Furry? ♡~Feli~♡: Whats wrong with it it does have some weird kind of fur

Ludwig: Never go on the internet Ludwig: Stay innocent forever

...

Ludwig: Algebra amazes me Ludwig: So much shit not enough bull Ludwig: Excuse my language

♡~Feli~♡: I will ignore the mentions of math language for the sake of you swearing ♡~Feli~♡: I want this on my gravestone

...

♡~Feli~♡: I asked lovi what furry means ♡~Feli~♡: Ludwig ♡~Feli~♡: Are you into that

Ludwig: No Ludwig: I am sorry you couldn't be innocent forever

♡~Feli~♡: I havent known innocence since i first learned what yaoi was

Ludwig: I am so terribly sorry

♡~Feli~♡: I am too for young me

...

♡~Feli~♡: Imagine if the world just turned to ashes one day

Ludwig: That could happen

♡~Feli~♡: Really ?? ♡~Feli~♡: I was just trying to be poetic

Ludwig: Yes  Ludwig: There is a theory that the sun will swallow Earth in distant future

♡~Feli~♡: I hope to be dead by then

Ludwig: We would all probably be Ludwig: If we don't recycle and take care of our planet

♡~Feli~♡: Yes

...

♡~Feli~♡: Your ass is grass herr sassafrass

Ludwig: Feliciano?

♡~Feli~♡: Yes this is Feli

Ludwig: You don't sound like Feliciano

♡~Feli~♡: You have no proof im not

Ludwig: Is this Lovino?

♡~Feli~♡: No ♡~Feli~♡: Sorry it was lovi ♡~Feli~♡: He took my phone to text nonno but he texted you instead

Ludwig: Your brother is interesting

♡~Feli~♡: Try living with him youd change your mind

...

Ludwig: *at 3 a.m.* Life is meaningless Feliciano Ludwig: We get attached to people, we learn to love them  Ludwig: But then before you know it Ludwig: They are dead Ludwig: Just like that the human existence crumbles

♡~Feli~♡: *at 11 a.m.* Ludwig are you okay

Ludwig: I finished a good book last night  Ludwig: I am anything but okay

♡~Feli~♡: Aww ♡~Feli~♡: I felt like that when i finished yours ♡~Feli~♡: Read it again for good measure

Ludwig: I have piles of homework to complete

♡~Feli~♡: Books are more important

Ludwig: I am going to have to agree with you there Ludwig: But I do have to finish this soon Ludwig: The deadline is in 3 weeks

♡~Feli~♡: Id do it the night before you have time ♡~Feli~♡: What kind of homework do you even have ♡~Feli~♡: How old are you Ludwig

Ludwig: 21 and a half Ludwig: It is just college assignments Ludwig: We got new ones today and I really like them completed in time

♡~Feli~♡: Aw you re a baby ♡~Feli~♡: Im 22 ♡~Feli~♡: What are you studying

Ludwig: Physics and mechanical engineering Ludwig: And I also have a part time job so Ludwig: Time mustn't be wasted

♡~Feli~♡: Thats a lot ♡~Feli~♡: Ludwig do you even breathe

Ludwig: No

...

♡~Feli~♡: Do you have anything comforting ♡~Feli~♡: Like some dog pictures or something ♡~Feli~♡: Im feeling really sad

*Ludwig has sent a picture*

Ludwig: Gilbert took them fishing today Ludwig: Are you okay

♡~Feli~♡: They are so cuteeee ♡~Feli~♡: CUTECUTECUTECUTE ♡~Feli~♡: Yeah im good  ♡~Feli~♡: Just feeling a bit under weather and lovi yelled at me that i was being lazy again

Ludwig: I see Ludwig: Sorry I am not very good with emotions Ludwig: Would you like some more pictures?

♡~Feli~♡: You get me enouth tnx ♡~Feli~♡: Send the cute

*Ludwig has sent 27 pictures*

Ludwig: I overdid it

♡~Feli~♡: I love them ♡~Feli~♡: When i get my ass to germany i will pet them lots and lots ♡~Feli~♡: Tell them that

Ludwig: Don't spoil my dogs too much

♡~Feli~♡: Oh i absolutely will

...

♡~Feli~♡: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND ♡~Feli~♡: AND WE WILL KEEP ON FIGHTING TILL THE END

Ludwig: Good morning to you too Feliciano

♡~Feli~♡: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS ♡~Feli~♡: WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

Ludwig: No time for losers

♡~Feli~♡: CUZ WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS

Ludwig: Of the world

♡~Feli~♡: Lets form a band Ludwig

Ludwig: No time Ludwig: But i do appreciate being woken up by Queen lyrics at 5 a.m. Ludwig: Why are you up so early

♡~Feli~♡: Bold of you to assume I even slept

Ludwig: I see

[kissygrayson]

LANDSLIDE: Chapter 2 - Happy Birthday Liam

… in which Y/N and Harry fall in love at university.

series masterlist

.

.

.

“Are you ready?” Amy asked entering Y/N’s bedroom. Y/N was sat at her desk in front of the mirror. Her makeup was scattered across the desk and a thousand dresses and skirts lay on her floor. 

“The party started already” Amy said noticing her best friend wasn't dressed yet, still sat in her joggers and hoodie. Y/N sighed. 

“I have nothing to wear” 

“You literally have a million dresses right here!” Amy said bending down to grab the few dresses. 

“They're ugly” Y/N muttered, turning in her seat to face her best friend. 

Amy left the room leaving Y/N confused, then returning with a white crop top and and black denim skirt. 

“Wear this, please!” she pretty much begged. Y/N took the outfit then going to try it on in her bathroom. 

“Well?” Amy questioned “Do you like it or are we going to be another 90 years?” she laughed. 

She left the bathroom, a small smile on her face. She shuffled through the boots and shoes beside her bed then chucking on her black doc Martens. 

“Is that you done?”Amy asked with a huff. She felt like she’d been waiting forever. 

“Okay I'm done, can you stop complaining for a second?” Y/N laughed. 

The girls quickly put the essentials into their bags and left their flat. They passed their neighbour Mary on the way out, she usually sat on a seat outside her flat - for no reason really, other than wanting to see the drama that usually happened across the hall between the couple that lived in the opposite flat, Josh and Beth. 

“Hi girls, you both look nice!!” she smiled sweetly, warming her hands with the cup of tea in her hand. 

“Thank you Mary, anything exciting happen tonight?” Y/N asked with a laugh, gesturing to Josh and Beths side of the hall. 

Mary laughed “No not yet, soon though im sure. You guys going anywhere exciting?” 

Amy gave Y/N a look, telling her to hurry up. They where already an hour late. 

“Going to a birthday party, we should get going though. We spent too long getting dressed” Amy said smiling. Mary nodded watching as the girls got into the elevator and left the building.

.

.

.

The girls finally found the building after searching for so long. They had walked up and down the same street for 20 minutes then realising the apartment was right in front of them. They entered the building hearing loud music, knowing exactly where the party was taking place. They walked up the stairs then coming to face with Liams apartment. A few people stood outside, some smoking, some just chatting and of course a few making out. 

“Shall we just go inside?” Y/N asked Amy. Amy nodded. 

The pair stepped inside a few hundred people cramped into Liams flat, most of them dancing to post Malone who was currently playing from the speakers. They stood awkwardly to the side, Y/N’s eyes searching the crowd to see if she could spot Harry or anyone else she knew. 

“Y/N!” Harrys voice called out as she finished her short search. A smile spread across her face, Harry making his way towards the two girls.

“You guys just got here?” he asked.

“Yeah, took us forever to find the place” Y/N laughed. “This is Amy” she said introducing the blonde to Harry. 

“Harry” he said with a smile in which Amy returned. 

“You girls want a drink?” he questioned. 

“Please” Amy groaned. Both girls then following the older boy to the kitchen where a thousand bottles of alcohol and snacks sat along with a few people. Harry handed both girls a bottle of beer then getting one for himself as they made small talk. 

“So, do you both take the same classes or?” Harry asked followed by a drink of beer. 

“No, Amy’s taking art” Y/N smiled. 

“Wait” Harry paused then shouting “Yo Zayn!” 

A boy around the same age as Harry entered the kitchen, a warm smile on his face and a red cup in his hand. Amy spun on her heel to look in the direction of him noticing he was in her classes. 

“Zayn, this is Amy, she's also taking art” Harry introduced the pair, Y/N shook her head giggling when she realised what Harry was up too. Harry gave her a silly smile telling her to be quiet. 

“Amy, I recognise you!!” Zayn said pulling the blonde into a hug. 

“Please tell me you haven't did the work yet for Monday” she said with wide eyes. The class was to draw something that inspired them, Amy was yet to find that thing, leaving her homework to last minute - as usual. 

“You haven't?” he questioned. Amy shook her head. 

“Follow me Amy” Zayn laughed. Amy looked back at Y/N shrugging her shoulders, Y/N whispering for her to go. 

“Look at you playing cupid” Y/N laughed once the pair left the kitchen. 

Harry smirked “Its what I do best” 

Before Y/N could say another word Harrys phone ringing interrupted the pair. 

“Ill be right back, stay here” he said while running off to answer it. 

Y/N stood awkwardly. She didn't really know many people at the University, never mind this party, so standing alone was her only option. She gave a small smile to the girl stood beside her who just drew her a dirty look back. Typical she mumbled to herself. 

“Have you seen Liam?” A female voice said interrupting her thoughts. 

Y/N looked to her left noticing a brunette that sat behind her in her Friday class. 

“Y/N?” she questioned also noticing the familiar face. 

“Sammie right?” she asked back then offering her a drink.

“Im okay, thank you though. Just looking for Liam, I swear that boy is always disappearing” She laughed.

Y/N smiled “I wouldn't know, you're the only person I know here other than Harry”

“Harry Styles?” Sammie asked taken a back. 

“Thats the one” Y/N smiled, slightly confused. 

“Be careful Bella” Sammie said. Careful? The boy seemed harmless. 

“What?” She asked eyebrows furrowed. 

“His ex girlfriend is a literal pyscho!” She laughed. “No but seriously, they broke up a few months ago and she's bat shit crazy. So please be careful” Sammie finished giving the girl a comforting smile. 

“We aren’t dating, just friends” Y/N awkwardly said. She wasn't sure what to feel anymore. “Thanks for looking out for me though. Do you know where the bathroom is?” she questioned. 

Sammie pointed down the hallway telling her it was the door to the left, then running of to find Liam. 

Y/N made her way along the hallway, passing a few people on her way to which she gave them a small smile. She turned left seeing two doors, opening the first one her eyebrows furrowed. This certainly wasn't the bathroom, she thought to herself. 

The walls where black, a few posters and photo frames scattered the walls. A laptop sat on the desk near the window, a TV and playstation beside it. She took notice of the white picture frame to her right sat on who she assumed was Liams chest of drawers. The picture was of 5 guys, one of them being Harry and another Zayn, the other she soon recognised was Niall and the two brunettes she didn't at all, surely one was Liam though. 

“Y/N?” She heard Harrys voice call from beside her. Harry exited the bathroom that joined to whoever bedroom she was standing in, a confused expression on his face. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. I should go” She hesitantly said. Harry took a step closer to her, shutting the bedroom door. 

“Do you really wanna go back out there?” He laughed taking a seat on the double bed. She shook her head with a laugh. 

“I kinda hate parties too” Harry said with a smirk. Y/N took a seat beside him. 

“Arent you supposed to be the bad boy, Styles?” She said returning the smirk. Harry chuckled at the girl, I guess she had heard the rumours. 

“I’m really not as bad as you think” he said. 

Y/N shook her head still smiling “Sure Harry. So why’d you hate parties?” She asked. 

“Sophie is always there, I try my best to avoid her” he laughed nervously, knowing Y/N had probably been warned about her by now. 

“Sophie? Your ex?” Y/N asked confused also worried. Harry seemed nervous now, so maybe Sammie was right in saying she was crazy. 

“Yeah, she's insane” Harry laughed. “But just ignore her” He quickly said making sure the younger girl wouldn't be scared and decide not to speak to him anymore. 

“You haven't dated since her?” Y/N asked curiously.

Harry shook his head laughing “Dated? More like I haven't had a proper conversation with a girl without her evil eyes staring at me”

Y/N eyes widened in shock. Maybe this was more serious than she thought. She’d never been in a proper relationship before, sure there where little things here and there, but shed never been commited to anyone, so she wasn't quite sure how Harry was feeling right now. All she knew was that this boy seemed nervous, scared even. 

“Cmon she can’t be that bad” Y/N giggled trying to lighten up the mood. Harry raised his eyebrows shaking his head. 

“Y/N you really have no idea” he laughed. 

.

.

.

The pair sat in Liams room - she soon learned it was his room, for the next hour or so, getting to know more about each other. Y/N had learned that Harry had met most of the boys in high school, some of them shared classes with him and the others he played football with. He also hated the university library, calling it fate that she happened to be there the one day he was. She knew from that day in the library that he was soon to take over his fathers company, what she didn't realise was how big a deal that was. His father owned what seemed like a thousand hotels around the world much like her cousin Ollie, most of them in the US, some in Dubai, the UK and the list went on. They where some of the fanciest hotels in the world, only the best of the best could afford to stay the night there. Y/N was shocked. 

Harry soon learned that Y/N had moved from Italy to Oxford to do nursing school. Her mother passed when she was 2 leaving her father to raise her on her own in Brighton, soon she met her step mother when they then moved to Italy and was blessed with two half siblings, Issac and Oscar. They also realised they both adored Fleetwood Mac, Harry claiming he was good at singing then promising he’d sing for her one day - he rarely sang in front of anyone, she must have been special. 

Their meeting was cut short with Y/N’s phone ringing, Amy telling her to meet her outside. Realising that it was now 2am, she waved her goodbyes to Harry, him making sure she knew he’d see her again soon. 

“So what happened with Zayn?” Y/N smirked, hooking her arm in her best friends as they both walked back towards their flat. 

“I’ll tell you everything when we get home. Now you tell me what happened with Harry?” 

.

taglist: @vinylhazza @cryinabtharvey

[cesarborjas]

“we get dark, only to shine” - chapter two

title: we get dark, only to shine verse: wgdots (2/lol) characters: Cesare Borgia, Lucrezia Borgia; Giovanni Sforza; Cesare/Lucrezia, unwilling Lucrezia/Sforza stuff that happens: Cesare keeps his promise, following his meeting with Machiavelli with a detour to Pesaro. chapters: one

CHAPTER TWO

Giovanni Sforza neither liked nor disliked his wife. Borgia though she was, Lucrezia had turned out to be nothing more than a child—simpering, frivolous, often petulant, but neither depraved, as he had feared, nor ill-tempered, as he had expected. She looked pretty and did not much trouble him; that was good enough.

He did dislike her brothers, but the elder less than the rest of the Borgias. If he had to tolerate one of them under his roof, he supposed he would rather the cardinal than the swaggering lout playing at soldier, or the degenerate Pope, or one of the mistresses.

“Cardinal Borgia," Sforza said, scowling at the stones of his courtyard. "My wife did not warn me of your arrival. If I had known—”

Borgia swung off his horse. “The impulse of the moment,” he said carelessly. “I do not mean to greatly inconvenience you.”

It took Sforza a moment to unclench his teeth, while Borgia’s manservant—presumably his manservant; he looked like something dragged from the bottom of the Tiber—dismounted as well.

“I was travelling nearby, and thought to pay my sister a visit,” Borgia went on. “I shan’t impose on you long.”

“You will find the table sparse.”

Borgia shrugged. “I am here to see Lucrezia, not the contents of your pantry. Where is she?”

“I have greater concerns,” said Sforza, “than how or where my wife fritters away her time. No doubt the servants would know.” He gestured at the castle.

Borgia’s jaw twitched.

“Micheletto,” he said.

The manservant gave a jerky bow. “I will inquire, your Eminence.” He disappeared into the stables, leading their horses.

“I hope your marriage has proved satisfactory,” Borgia said, with a thin smile. “Brother.”

“Quite,” said Sforza.

“My sister has not been overwhelmed by her new duties? She is very young.”

Borgia himself could not be more than twenty, if that. Sforza considered him through narrowed eyes. A boy, this upstart cardinal, a yapping pup—but, regrettably, Alexander’s son. He could be expected to carry tales to the Pope. Lucrezia knew better than to talk, but Sforza had not expected any of her vile tribe to land on his doorstep.

“A little, perhaps,” he replied, unbending slightly. “As you say, she is very young.”

“Perhaps I may be of service to her. But—ah, forgive me! I am taking time from your … greater concerns.” Borgia gestured at the dogs crouched around Sforza’s feet, his smile unwavering. “With your leave, my lord, I must find what has become of my manservant.”

Sforza forced himself to nod. “Your sister,” he said, “will see to your comfort.”

“I do not doubt it.”

Borgia bowed, the movement graceful, correct, and somehow just short of outright mockery, then turned on his heel and strode towards the main entrance. His retreating back was covered not in red satin, but green silks and black leather; he did not even have a tonsure. A churchman in name only. Sforza glowered after him.

This could risk everything.

“The contessa is speaking to the head cook in the kitchens,” Micheletto reported. He cleared his throat. “I took the liberty, your Eminence, of telling a maid to send for her.”

Cesare just nodded, glancing around the great hall. The rough grey stone of the walls was, if anything, uglier than the castle’s exterior, unrelieved by any ornamentation. His eyes went to the solid, serviceable doors, to the heavy staircase, to the oppressive lowness of the ceiling. What a place for Lucrezia! She should sit enthroned in splendour: brilliant colours, sunshine on marble, wide airy rooms beneath arches and painted ceilings. If the Pope insisted upon selling her to one of these Italian lordlings—since he insisted upon it—he should at least have chosen one who could maintain her in proper style.

Cesare breathed in deeply, air clear and warm in his chest. Even within these bleak walls, he felt more vital by the second, alight with anticipation and something like happiness. Not quite. If she were unhappy, he would feel her misery as his own. But she was here, his sister, walking under the same roof, skirts sweeping the same floors. Unhappy or not, he would soon be at her side, where he belonged, not longing for her with every breath.

One of the doors creaked open. He turned on his heel, seeing only a maid.

“Donata, my lord said nothing of this. I do not think—”

The voice was his sister’s, unmistakably, the timbre as familiar as the brisk tone was not. His blood thrummed.

“Lucrezia,” Cesare called out, unable to help himself.

He heard a gasp—the light thump of footsteps—saw her climb to the doorway, in her woman’s gown and woman’s hairnet still exactly Lucrezia. She stared at him, eyes wide and stunned. Then a smile curved her mouth, lit up her face, and with a strangled sound, she picked up her skirts and darted forward.

“Cesare!”

He braced himself just in time; Lucrezia unhesitatingly flung herself at him, rocking him back a step. He closed his arms about her, swinging her around, her body warm under his hands, their laughter echoing in his ears.

“Lucrezia—”

Cesare set her down, but could not quite bring himself to release his grip on her. For Lucrezia’s part, she kept her arms locked behind his neck, smiling a little tremulously up at him.

“Cesare—I had no idea—you sent not a word--”

“I wanted to surprise you, sis,” he said, leaning his head against her pale gold hair.

“You have certainly done that! I thought you in Florence,” said Lucrezia. She drew an uneven breath. “I am so, so happy you are here, brother.”

Cesare had never doubted her affection for him, nor had cause to do so. They never met each other without pleasure, whatever the circumstances—yet his trickle of unease grew.

Micheletto cleared his throat, and they parted. Lucrezia discreetly wiped her eyes.

“Donata, tell Francesca to prepare rooms for my brother and his manservant, and tell Cook that we shall be three at dinner.”

“Yes, madam,” said the maid. She cast an uncertain glance at Cesare. “And—my lord duke?”

It took him a moment to realize that she had supposed he must be Duke of Gandia. Juan! He didn’t know whether to be gratified or insulted. Lucrezia just laughed.

“My brother Cesare, Cardinal of Valencia,” she said, her proud smile taking away most of the sting. “He is a prince of the Church, no mere lord. Make sure the staff remembers it.”

“Yes, my lady.” The maid curtseyed to Cesare. “Your Eminence.”

She hurried away, and Lucrezia swept him off to a slightly less miserable room, hung with tapestries, and two paintings he recognized from her chambers in their mother’s villa. Her step was heavier than he remembered, reminding him more of himself than the Lucrezia who seemed to walk on air. When they sat near a window, the sunlight bright and unforgiving on her face, he thought she looked tired, almost brittle, her round cheeks already thinner. Cesare took her hand, turning the loose rings under his thumb.

“And how does marriage suit you, sister?”

“Oh, well enough,” said Lucrezia. She switched to Valencian. “You must tell me all the news. Papa writes very often, but you know how he is! He can take up three pages saying nothing at all. Does he think matters of state are beyond my ken even now?”

“I fear he considers many of them beyond mine,” Cesare said. “He likes his secrets, and he has reasons to be careful just now. Your husband, it is said, has a taste for intrigue.”

He watched her closely, but she only raised her brows.

“Does he? I would not have thought it,” she said.

“Then what are his pleasures?”

“Hunting,” said Lucrezia. Her lips thinned. “The marital bed.”

Cesare felt bile rise in his throat. He had preferred to avoid all thought of her unworthy husband touching her, hated the sight of her hand in Sforza’s at the wedding, much less the idea of him in her bed. He turned his head away, fingers tightening on hers, breath trembling in his chest.

“I dislike him already,” he muttered.

When he turned back, Lucrezia was smiling faintly. “I do not think he reads my letters. I hardly see him, except … who told you that he dabbles in intrigue?”

“The Vice-Chancellor mentioned it to Father.”

“Ah.” She lifted her chin. “Well, Cardinal Sforza is his cousin. No doubt he knows him better than I do. Perhaps he finds some time for it between riding his horses and attending to his dogs. But why did Papa send you to Florence? I cannot think you went to listen to that friar’s sermons!”

Cesare was not fooled, but he answered readily enough. “Savonarola? I did hear him speak while I was there.”

“What is he like?”

“I can scarcely describe him,” said Cesare. “He screams and rages and all but froths at the mouth denouncing everything from the city of Rome to the Medici bank to silk, art, books. He would burn Florence to the ground, if he could.”

She shivered. “What a terrible man he must be.”

“A sort of lunatic, I think,” he said. “I even heard that you and I, with the Holy Father, have the honour of particularly affronting him—enough to be mentioned by name, at any rate.”

“You and I! What have we done?”

“Our mother bore us and our father acknowledged us,” said Cesare, shrugging. “He considers my elevation to the cardinalate an offense before God. Well, I could have told him that myself—”

“Cesare!”

“—but apparently your hair offends him nearly as much.”

Lucrezia’s hand went to her pearl-studded net. “My … hair? Has he seen it?”

“Ah, that’s reason talking, sis. No, but he had rumour of the amount of time you spend dressing it, and that was sufficient to condemn you to the fires of hell—or so Signor Machiavelli, the Florentine ambassador, told me.”

She giggled. “Oh, I see. And that was your true mission, was it not? Meeting with the ambassador?”

“You are too clever for your own good,” he said, tapping her nose.

“Not clever enough, I fear. But why did you meet with Signor Machiavelli, Cesare? Need we fear Florence now?”

“Fear? No,” he said. “Cardinal della Rovere recently paid a visit to Piero de Medici, and we suspected—”

“Intrigue?” said Lucrezia, eyes brightening.

“Exactly.” Cesare studied her face, then tipped her chin up to meet her eyes directly. “And now you must tell me of your marriage.”

She opened her mouth.

“The truth this time, Lucrezia.”

He could see the bob in her throat as she swallowed. “What makes you say that?”

“You are unhappy.” Cesare touched her cheek. “I can see it in your eyes, your face, your … you are not what you were. You walk as if the cares of the world go with you. Did you think you could hide it from me? That I would not notice?”

Lucrezia’s smile warmed, though for a long moment, she said nothing. Then:

“I did not think you would come.” Her eyes briefly flicked up to his, then down again. “Well, I did not dare hope so. And I thought you must have known what it would be. You told me that everything would be different, and Lord Sforza might not care for me.”

Cesare had felt horror before, but nothing like this. He could only stare, wide-eyed. “What?”

“You do not even remember.” She gave a shaky laugh. “I was nervous about the wedding, and you said that was natural, and I—”

“I remember,” said Cesare. He had certainly tried to forget the entire incident, to blot his sister’s lips and his sister’s body from his memory. She was a child, or had been—a girl of barely fourteen—his sister! It was his place to protect her, hold her, perhaps, but nothing more; and if he thought of her constantly, suffered through every moment of separation, it had never been like that. Yet it had been so easy, as easy as chasing her in their mother’s villa, whispering explanations at their father’s coronation, tugging her hair as a boy, as all the pieces of their lives together.

Cesare had many preoccupations. He did manage to keep the incident out of his immediate thoughts, most of the time. But there was no forgetting. He looked at his sister, flushed, looked away.

“I did not mean that you were doomed to misery, my love,” he said, “only that some things might prove difficult, and you need not blame yourself for being afraid of them.” And he had known the then-unseen Sforza would not love her as he did, but that meant nothing. Nobody could love her as he did. He turned back to her. “Has he misused you? I need details!”

Lucrezia shook her head. “I—it is … hard, that’s all. Everything here is so dull, and there is no company, no colour, nothing. I have missed you, missed everyone, even Juan. I miss Rome.” She blinked rapidly. “I do not wish to think about it any more than I must. I would keep my spirits up while you are here, and enjoy your company as long as I have it.”

“Then we shall not speak of him any more,” he said, then added, “and now that I am here, I can judge your situation for myself, anyway.”

“So you intend to stay a good while?”

He had, in fact, only intended to delay his return to the Vatican by two or three days. His note of explanation to his father had promised as much. Upon what support could the Pope depend, with him gone? The rest of the College? He might as well lay a nest of vipers in the chair of St Peter. Juan? Ha!

Cesare looked at his sister’s hopeful face. “I have no intentions,” he said, and nudged her shoulder. “I did not think that far ahead! But I may, perhaps. You can throw me off the battlements if my company grows too tiresome.”

The stiff line of her shoulders relaxed, and she grinned, familiar bright happiness falling over her face. In that moment, she was once more the Lucrezia he knew.

“I will keep it in mind,” she said. Then, with a sigh—more relieved, he thought, than exhausted—she leaned her head against his shoulder. “But I never tire of you.”

Notes

Pedantic historical/linguistic notes, whee! I didn't intend to have these, actually, but the fic has turned out to include quite a bit more than I was originally anticipating, so I'm noting the stuff that might be of interest throughout.

1) contessa: countess in Italian. I mostly use titles in English, as the show does (a little inconsistently at first, but it's generally Lady rather than Donna/Madonna and so on), but it seems to go with the Italian for wives (e.g., duchessa), so I did too.

2) She switched to Valencian: irl, Cesare and Lucrezia's native language was not Castilian Spanish but Valencian, the language spoken in their homeland of Valencia, dialectically very close to Catalan (most linguists consider them the same language). The Borgias used Valencian as a private language within the family, when they wished to avoid eavesdroppers, and on at least one occasion, apparently out of sheer excitement. 

While the show mostly avoids the multitude of linguistic complications, it does hint at the Borgias’ association with Catalan in the general morass of anti-Spanish (and especially anti-Catalan) bigotry. So I tried to carry it into the fic, with help from my friend @tulinlina, a lady and a scholar :)

[lyricsbylincoln]

-̗̀ —   “ i come bearing edible encouragement. ”  lincoln moves to set the cooke tray onto the countertop, but he can so much as blink, whole thing clatters to the ground. a musical laugh bubbles past upturned lips. “ crap. clearly, i am incapable of being slick. so now we’ll just have to make due with encouragement of the verbal variety, huh? ”

or alternatively :  whaddup, my dudes !!  it is linc comin’ atchu with my songwriter beb #2, LINCOLN MONROE .  you know what to do! don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a comment below !

(KEIYNAN LONSDALE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear LINCOLN MONROE has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the TWENTY-FOUR year old is a SONGWRITER, apparently. he's so PACIFIC and CHATOYANT, but can also be kind of TRACTABLE and INGENUOUS. i hope he finds success with the band. i'm kinda interested in hearing more about them. 

gonna format this v simply in bullets this time, since i have to leave for work relatively soon & i wanna get it out here!

lincoln grew up in upstate new york after being adopted by kirsten & peter monroe when he was just an infant. they provided a very stable, lovely home. like?? his mother was the unofficial Neighborhood Mom. all the kids were always at the monroe household, sippin’ kool aids, snackin’ on homemade cookies. kirsten monroe is literally the ultimate affectionate, beautiful soul. in fact, when lincoln was 4, she convinced her husband to adopt lincoln’s adopted sister after her family was killed in a housefire three towns over. she’s about six months older than him, and honestly would be a lovely addition to the rp if y’all wanted to bring her in? essentially after the monroes adopted her, she and lincoln grew positively inseparable. 

lincoln expressed an interest in dance by the time he turned 5, so his parents eagerly enrolled him in dance lessons! pretty soon he hopped studios to a competitive school and began competing in contemporary/ballet dance competitions.

then came a full-ride scholarship to a performing arts high school in new york city. his parents weren’t going to say no  ( the monroe’s are characteristic people-pleasers )  so they made the three-hour drive to the city & dropped lincoln off for his first year. many tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and his mother made lincoln promise not to forget about them back home. he’d skype them every freakin’ night.

at this school, lincoln became captain of the contemporary / hip hop dance team. they took national and international titles like they were kids in a candy store. this squad was insane. and with lincoln’s choreo, the awards just kept on coming. after he graduated, lincoln auditioned for the traveling cast of the wiz and snagged an ensemble role. he traveled with the cast for seven months until he decided it was time to put down some roots on the west coast.

at this point, all was well at home. he continued his daily contact with his family, and the monroe group chat was always booming. so lincoln didn’t think to suspect anything was going on at home beyond the usual. his mother spoke about neighborhood baking parties; his father spoke about the work he was doing at the state house as attorney general. all was well.

( tw: illness, hospitals, terminal diagnoses )  the phone call came on the eve before his 21st birthday, after the opening night performance of rent at los angeles theater. kirsten was in the hospital. she’d collapsed while helping to set up for the local church’s benefit concert. his father wouldn’t disclose much information beyond that lincoln should not fly home. against his better judgment, lincoln finished out the two-week run of rent before booking a ticket back to new york. he expected his mother to be out of the hospital by that time, and she’d indicated as much over the phone.

when lincoln’s plane touched down, no one was there to pick him up. kirsten was back in the er -- but lincoln only found that out by pressuring his sister until she caved and told him what was really going on:  three months ago, kirsten had been diagnosed with stage 3 leukemia. and no one in the family had thought to give lincoln a proper notice. 

kirsten was in and out of treatment for several years, reaching short periods of remission before her levels went awry again. lincoln visited home when he could, but once he began booking more consistent jobs, the cross-country flights became more difficult. he still talks on the phone to his mother each and every day, and will absolutely cancel plans to check in on her if need be.

i imagine he started songwriting as side thing, something to post online for fun back in college while he was studying composition? and his youtube channel probably gained lots of steam. following one of his larger runs in the la theatre scene, he was probably approached about entering a professional contract for a song for one of the groups. and he was probably elated about the prospect. 

since then, he’s been contracted for all of the groups, with pieces ranging from pandemonium’s chaotic rock to dream tsunami’s sunny electro-pop vibe. lincoln plays a grand total of twelve instruments & he’s always generating new material.

in addition to songwriting for these groups, he’s also an up-and-coming solo artist himself!! he performs at open mics, local coffee shops, etc. while also uploading things to youtube/soundcloud and performing in la-based theatre productions!

lincoln is ebullient -- his presence practically effervesces wherever he is. he’s always ready to shine, as cliché as that might be. he’s just got this heart full of love and joy and optimism and he’s eager to share.

currently has bleach-blonde hair, because it’s super cool. 

so speaking of that popular youtube channel! there, he’ll post choreographed routines to his favorite songs, little covers, original pieces, and vlogs with the bands he works with. fans probably eat it up and constantly ask for more.

his dancing. gah.  this boy just loses himself in it. catch him at a bjéar concert all-out contemporary/interpretive dancing in the crowd. frick, music just.... consumes him.

his favorite color is green!! why?? does he need to have a reason???

he takes his coffee with whipped coconut cream on top, garnished with a dash of nutmeg & cinnamon. he always gets lil whipped cream mustaches, and he’ll apologize every time.

apologizes a shit ton. will apologize for apologizing, and then apologize for doing so. it’s a spiral. someone stop him.

he’s all easy smiles & spring breezes, the cleared air after rain. it’s very difficult to get him angry, and some people ( cough nikolai cough ) find that absolutely infuriating.

cannot hide when he falls in love.

falls in love once every 30 seconds.

absolutely goes to florist shops to check in on the owners, ask about their favorite memories, and smell the roses. maybe he accidentally nose boops the flowers sometimes. it’s okay. it’s all part of the experience.

allergic to shellfish & negative vibes !!!

speaks fluent french. bonjour, my dudes

blushes v easily !!  will duck his head and smile so wide. compliment him & watch the magic

lowkey voiced prince naveen in the princess and the frog ... ribbit

some examples of original work he’s performed in the area / uploaded online:    x    x    x    x     x       

lincoln is that friend who’ll show up for you, even at 4am, with takeout and a shoulder to lean on. going through a bad time? he’s the one you should call.

lowkey fashion icon ???  let him take you thrifting.

if you get sound bite previews, you’re one of The Trusted Few.

at berklee, he was lauded by his professors and fellow students -- there’s a reason this guy can write so diversely. he’s virtuosic. he’s not afraid to make major leaps. catch him tossing unconventional chords into conventional genres, because the music industry needs a spark and he feels honored to be able to contribute.

you know how some people give birthday letters or cards? lincoln writes original birthday songs. every year. yep.

volunteers at a local dog shelter.

i would love a roomie for him? pls?

i seriously want all the connections so pls hmu on discord or here!! ily all sorry this is such trash on a stick

[vintagemichelle91]

A Hard Lesson in Perseverance: Chapter 11

Author’s Note: Everything seems to be falling back into place...let’s see what more can this part have in store! @rauliskafan and I hope you enjoy this next chapter! 

“Barba. Thanks for coming by.”

Dropping his briefcase, Rafael felt a faint smile cross his lips at the sight of Fin’s gift of an hourglass. When she called, he made the time. But the sands threatening to pour with one flip reminded him of the lateness of the hour. Given the choice, he would rather be with Natalia so they could resume the countdown for their next chapter.

“What’s up?” he asked. “A break in the case.”

“Looks like,” Liv continued. “Take a load off and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“No offense, Liv, but could you do the details in broad strokes?”

At that she laughed and started to lead him out of her office when she waggled her eyebrows.

“I hear your making some headway with the adoption agencies.”

There it was. Did she already have a cake stashed away in some hidden corner of the squad room? Was Natalia in on it? If she was, he might savor the sweet and hold her close before they could leave together. If not… well there would still be cake.

“What’s up your sleeve, Lieutenant?” Her expression turned quizzical as she touched his arm.

“Nothing,” she swore. “Just…”

Here it came.

“I think it’s great. Another Barba baby. A little brother or sister for Violetta. I only wanted to say that I’m really happy for you.”

She started to hug him when he held her off and tilted his head to the side.

“Is that it?” he asked.

“Yes. What else do you want me to say? Were you expecting cigars or something?”

“Actually, I had images of dessert. Not that I’d mind that so much, but except for you and… and I guess Dodds.”

“We’ll keep it on the down low,” she promised as she surprised him by shaking his hand and laughing again. “You said broad strokes, right?”

“The quicker the better. My girls are waiting.”

“I don’t think this will take long.”

Following her down the dimly lit hallway, she pointed at the two-way glass. Had he water in his mouth, he would have done a spit take, staining the slightly smudged surface as he looked to Liv again.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Congressman Campbell’s pride and joy in the flesh,” Liv remarked. “On paper known for sort of kind of running an arts charity.”

“There are rumors as to where the gifts go,” Rafael sneered.

“Off the record that will soon go public. He’s a patron of another color,” she said. “Think we know why Daphne clammed up.”

“Diamonds in exchange for her silence.”

“They call them a girl’s best friend.”

Rafael’s stomach turned when he saw the broad-shouldered red-head wearing a Rolex on a wrist resting above well-manicured nails. On the night in question, he’d had to have hidden those. The case was almost cold with no fingerprints, Krista’s battered body bleached inside and out…

…must be how the pretty boy stayed in such a state; always conceal the dirt before moving onto the next conquest.

Or kill?

“How did you put it together?” Rafael finally asked.

“Would you believe he told a friend over a game of chess? Guess he thought it was locker room talk.”

“Without the sweat,” Rafael muttered.

“At least his pal has a conscience. We found gloves. Only a matter of time before the lab locates Krista’s DNA.”

“Checkmate,” Rafael said. “When do we arraign him?”

“It is late and I know you want to get home,” Liv said as they walked back to her office. “Fin and Rollins will keep him busy for a bit. And then the Tombs. Probably won’t be to his liking.”

“Think he has to get used to a world without mints on his pillows.”

Retrieving his briefcase, Rafael was ready to call it a day when an unwelcome knock turned his head.

“Mr. Ward.”

“Seems as if we’re all burning the midnight oil,” the DA said, almost closing the door as his eyes fixed on Liv.

“Lieutenant, could you give us a moment?”

“Is that a request?” Liv challenged. “Or an order?”

“Take it any way you like,” Ward said as he toyed with his cufflinks.

“I think I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that and stay put. Since it is my office.”

Ward peered at her intently with a smirk of his face. A sigh reeking of lemon made Rafael want to gag as Liv closed the door and stood guard, her gaze flashing to Rafael for a split second as Ward’s stare stayed on her desk. Like an errant child, he looked ready to play with the hourglass when Rafael cleared his throat.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you to keep your hands off other people’s things?” Rafael asked. “My little girl knows that much.”

“Your little girl,” Ward murmured. “Family is so very important. And friends. In high places.”

Sighing again, the DA smoothed his palms down the front of his slacks.

“I heard a rumor that you took Evan Campbell into custody?”

“Oh, where’d you hear that?” Liv asked.

“I have my ways. You should be forewarned that your… witness will not hold up under testimony.”

“And why is that?” Rafael demanded. Ward slowly paced the room, seeming to savor the silence as he sauntered around the desk, his hands sliding into his pockets as he swayed with his secret.

“Because he made a mistake,” Ward carefully said. “Boys had a little too much to drink. One of those things.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Rafael said as he stared him down, his knuckles turning white around the edge of the desk. “We have the gloves. Only a matter of time before we figure out he paid Daphne Carlo off. Face it; the house of cards will crumble.”

Was it career suicide? Not if Liv called in another favor from the press. Not if they could track a pattern of abuse and make the case stick to the walls until they closed in around a murderer.

“You would say that,” Ward started. “So I see I’ll have to speak a little more plainly. Lieutenant, this really isn’t meant for your ears.”

“Anything you have to say to him, you can say to me,” Liv insisted. Ward shot her the smallest smile as he sank into her chair.

“I wouldn’t do that,” she warned.

“But it’s not your call,” he said as he sat, pressing his fingers together over her blotter. “Mr. Barba works for me. And he is not going to pursue this.”

“Why is that?” Rafael demanded.

Ward leaned back in Liv’s chair, his eyes dancing in his head. What was up his sleeve?

“You mentioned family? Your little girl?”

“What of it?” Rafael asked.

“I’ve heard that you’re looking to add to your brood. Of course, your poor, sweet, barren wife does you little to no good.”

“You son of a bitch.”

Liv just caught the counselor’s collar as he forced Ward to his feet by the neck, slamming him into the window. Her many citations shuddered as Ward worked a hand around Rafael’s wrist, his tone strangled but his words still clear.

“Think about it, Mr. Barba. Your Natalia. Driving a man to his death. The dancer’s no prize either.”

“Don’t you say another word about---”

“And their father who has more secret than you have flashy ties.”

Ward demonstrated a sudden show of strength, kicking Rafael away. Liv was there to catch him and ordered the DA out.

“Wasn’t planning to stay long,” Ward said as he straightened his own tie, his fingers surrounding the knob before he looked back one last time.

“I’ve done my homework, Rafael. You’ll want to see this through. Maybe you’ll even come out the other side with a winning hand. But know this; you make one move against the Campbell boy and I will block you and your wife at every turn. I have that power.”

Opening the door, he rubbed the bruises just starting to line his throat, his smile turning sickeningly sweet.

“Let it drop and you can start planning a baby shower. Do I make myself clear?”

“You think you can intimidate him?” Liv demanded.

“Your friend does look a little green around the gills,” Ward said with a wave of his hand. “Think on it hard, Rafael. And enjoy the rest of your night.”

Rafael felt ill as soon as he left. Liv sat him in her chair without a second thought and snagged a bottle of water from her desk drawer.

“Easy,” she soothed. “Don’t let him get to you.”

“You should have let me finish the job.”

“And see you in the Tombs, too?” she asked without a single strain of delight in her voice. “Not on my watch.” Perched on the edge of the desk, she rubbed his back until his breath calmed and their eyes finally met.

“Better?” she asked.

“No,” he said as he drank deep. “That fucking…”

“My sentiments exactly,” she agreed. “I’ll back you up with this. If he tries to make what just went down here public---”

“That won’t matter,” Rafael said, his eyes moving towards his wedding band as he trembled where he sat. “Because if… if he poisons the well… adopting was never going to be easy. But this?”

He imagined Natalia crawling back into bed, hiding her head under the sheets. How would he pull her out a second time if what they already had was no longer enough?

“Maybe we should cut the Campbell kid loose,” he suggested.

“You did not just say that.”

Liv snatched the bottle from his hand, the droplets cascading to the floor as she slammed it down on her desk and folded her arms across her chest.

“Because you’re scared of him?” Liv asked. “It’s a bluff. You’ll have all of us in your corner.”

“And a very real chance that won’t count. Olivia…”

She seemed to tense at the sound of her proper name, and he hung his head as he shuffled towards her.

“I can’t take that chance. Not with Natalia. Not when she’s been through so much.”

It pained him; the idea of giving a criminal a pass. But Natalia needed him more. He’d recuse himself from the case. Liv could make it work on her own.

“Lieutenant?”

Carisi popped his head in the office, his face darkening as Liv asked him what he wanted.

“Krista Johnson’s parents are here. We have something new to tell them, right?”

“One second, Carisi.”

He left them alone, and Liv twisted the blinds so Rafael could see the husky man with a shock of blonde hair and his wife wearing a worn face and dark tresses turning grayer every moment that her daughter’s killer remained at large.

“Look at them,” Liv said. “They need your help, too. Krista needs---”

“And what about Natalia?” he demanded. “What would you do if that prick threatened Noah’s happiness?”

Maybe it was a low blow; he didn’t care, ready to leave the office when she suddenly hugged him close and whispered into his ear.

As he fought to keep from crying.

“I’d be losing my mind,” she said. “But you would be there to tell me that you’d have my back. And that I should do the right thing.”

As she pulled away, he shivered and lost the battle against his tears. How could he face his wife with the words destined to drown their future before it even set off from the shoreline?

But how could he forget his oath when another couple’s daughter was screaming for justice?

[kalachand97-blog]

New Post has been published on Globeinfrom

New Post has been published on https://globeinform.com/donald-trumps-route-to-fitness-care-victory-andy-slavitt/

Donald Trump's route to fitness care victory: Andy Slavitt

The dealmaker-in-leader badly wants a deal on health care. President Trump has even been willing to keep his nostril and assist phrases put forward with the aid of the hardcore conservative Residence Freedom Caucus which can be extremely unpopular along with his personal backers, like allowing coverage corporations to showdown human beings with pre-existing medical conditions. Piled on top of a Republican bill with best 17% public approval, the further he is going to the proper, the more likely he’s going to arise empty-handed.

Considering that repeal didn’t cross the manner Trump idea it might, now is a good time for him to step back and determine what he desires to accomplish. The political imperative to repeal and replace the Low-cost Care Act has shifted decisively. After mastering about the alternative proposed by means of Congress, a document high fifty-five% of Americans choose the ACA. 3-quarters say the president ought to try to make the law work and 61%, which includes a majority of Trump supporters, say he and the GOP are responsible for any troubles going forward.

A touch record is in order. Republican sabotage of the ACA predates Trump’s presidency. Championed first via outdoor organizations and attorneys, one of the GOP’s largest victories became stripping funding to insurers that changed into designed to preserve charges from growing too speedy. While Congress eliminated the money after the fact, most of the first sufferers were a dozen or so new fitness plans called co-ops, blanketed in the ACA to add opposition in low-competition regions.

The law’s warring parties went past lawn-range political strategies. They filed several lawsuits to cripple the ACA with the aid of pulling out core pieces. Insurers reported being warned by Republican congressional leaders not to participate. And, maximum significantly, Republican governors or legislatures in 19 states became down price range to cowl millions underneath Medicaid. The effects of this sabotage consist of better rates, better prices to taxpayers, millions of human beings in Southern and rural states left without insurance, and only one or two competition left in lots of markets as insurers withdrew or have been compelled out of the enterprise. All so Republicans should point to the ACA and say, “See, it doesn’t paintings.”

To date, the Trump management is persevering with that sabotage from the Oval Workplace. Widespread & Terrible pronounced closing week that the exchanges are strong and the most important impediments to fulfillment are now the administration’s personal delays and capacity tampering.

As an example, insurers are within weeks of putting their initial top class stages for 2018 and the administration hasn’t indicated whether or not it’s going to hold payments that coverage companies use to reduce deductibles for low-income clients. I met with a dozen coverage CEOs remaining week, every of whom informed me that if funding isn’t confirmed with the aid of April 30, charges will growth notably — by using 19% in one latest evaluation.

How does Trump shift to a schedule which can advantage huge aid? He can start by throwing off the most excessive components of the Republican plan to intestine the Medicaid safety internet. This turned into usually Residence Speaker Paul Ryan’s idea, anyway. It was never Trump’s and it was never famous along with his base, so it shouldn’t be difficult for him to abandon. And he has the proper cause.

The opioid disaster, one of the centerpieces of Trump’s home commitments, offers the possibility to shift the dialogue on Medicaid. At the marketing campaign trail in August, he promised to help human beings hooked on opioids. “We’re going to work with them, we’re going to spend the cash, we’re going to get that habit broken,” he said in Columbus, Ohio. Medicaid budget a full one-1/3 of opioid treatments and immediately serves Trump’s base. Greater than 4 in 10 non-elderly Medicaid recipients are white, and the percentage is better than that in rural states. In West Virginia, As an instance, it’s 89%.

Forgoing Medicaid cuts now not handiest serves Trump’s constituents, who pay plenty More and lose coverage beneath the current Republican plan, however, allows him to forge the alliances needed to create a bipartisan deal. They consist of a large congressional coalition, starting from Democrats to conservative Republicans, as well as governors who’ve been leading the combat towards opioid dependency — among them Republicans John Kasich of Ohio and Charlie Baker of Massachusetts and Democrats Roy Cooper of North Carolina and Tom Wolf of Pennsylvania.

Till Trump takes those steps, no Democrat or centrist Republican will come to the desk. That leaves him suffering to collect a coalition of simplest the maximum severe and unpopular views, and no longer enough assist to get an invoice via both the Residence and Senate. The president’s reaction to events in Syria indicates he’s no longer moored to ideological positions and might pivot When he wants to. Trump’s preference is among sabotaging the ACA and supporting his electorate. Thankfully for him, choosing his voters is likewise the course to a deal which could position a health care victory On the board.

fitness Care Reform – Why Are human beings So Worked Up?

Why are Americans so Labored up approximately health care reform? Statements including “don’t touch my Medicare” or “each person ought to have to get right to entry to country of the art health care no matter cost” are in my view uninformed and visceral responses that indicate a Negative expertise of our fitness care device’s history, its modern and destiny sources and the investment demanding situations that America faces going forward. Even as all of our surprise how the fitness care machine has reached what some confer with as a crisis stage. Allow’s try to take some of the emotion out of the talk by using in brief inspecting how fitness care on this use emerged and the way that has shaped our wondering and subculture approximately fitness care. With that as a basis Let’s take a look at the professionals and cons of the Obama administration health care reform proposals and Allow’s examine the ideas put forth via the Republicans?

get entry to the kingdom of the artwork health care offerings is some thing we are able to all agree could be a good thing for this us of a. Experiencing an extreme contamination is certainly one of the life’s main challenges and to face it without the manner to pay for its miles definitely horrifying. however as we shall see, as soon as we know the facts, we can find that reaching this purpose will not be easy with out our character contribution.

those are the issues I’m able to contact directly to attempt to make a few experience out of what’s taking place to American fitness care and the stairs we will for my part take to make matters higher.

A recent history of yank health care – what has pushed the charges so excessive? Key elements of the Obama health care plan The Republican view of fitness care – loose marketplace opposition Customary get entry to nation of the artwork health care – a worthy intention but no longer clean to acquire what can we do? First, Permit’s get A touch ancient attitude on American fitness care. This is not meant to be an exhausted inspect that history, however, it’ll give us an appreciation of the way the health care gadget and our expectancies for it advanced. What drove prices better and higher?

To begin, Let’s flip to the American civil warfare. In that battle, dated techniques and the carnage inflicted by contemporary weapons of the technology blended to cause ghastly results. now not normally acknowledged is that maximum of the deaths on both facets of that conflict have been not the result of real combat however to what occurred after a battlefield wound became inflicted. To begin with, evacuation of the wounded moved at a snail’s pace and this precipitated excessive delays in treating the wounded. Secondly, many wounds had been subjected to wound care, associated surgical procedures and/or amputations of the affected limbs and this frequently resulted within the onset of big contamination. So that you would possibly live to tell the tale a battle wound best to die at the palms of medical care providers who despite the fact that nicely-intentioned, their interventions had been often pretty lethal. high dying tolls can also be ascribed to everyday illnesses and illnesses in a time While no antibiotics existed. In total some thing like six hundred,000 deaths came about from all reasons, over 2% of the U.S. population on the time!

Let’s pass to the first 1/2 of the twentieth century for some extra perspective and to carry us up to Extra present day instances. After the civil war, there have been regular enhancements in American medicinal drug in both the information and treatment of positive sicknesses, new surgical strategies and in health practitioner education and training. but for the maximum component, the fine that docs may want to provide their sufferers turned into a “wait and see” approach. medicine ought to take care of bone fractures and more and more attempt volatile surgical procedures (now in large part executed in sterile surgical environments) however medicines had been now not yet available to deal with severe ailments. Most of the people of deaths remained the result of untreatable conditions together with tuberculosis, pneumonia, scarlet fever and measles and/or related headaches. medical doctors had been increasingly aware of heart and vascular conditions, and cancer, however, they had almost nothing with which to treat those conditions.

This very simple evaluate of American scientific records enables us to take into account that Until pretty currently (across the 1950’s) we had really no technologies with which to treat serious or maybe minor ailments. Here’s an essential point we need to apprehend; “not anything to treat you with means that visits the doctor if at all have been relegated to emergencies so in this sort of state of affairs costs are curtailed. The easy reality is that there was little for docs to provide and consequently definitely not anything to pressure health care spending. A second thing conserving down fees became that scientific remedies that have been supplied had been paid for out-of-pocket, meaning by way of the manner of an individual’s non-public resources. there was no such component as medical insurance and definitely, no longer medical health insurance paid through a business enterprise. Besides for the very destitute who have been lucky to find their manner right into a charity medical institution, fitness care prices had been the obligation of the man or woman.