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physioblr · 5 years

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How to get a 4.0 with ADHD-C and Dyscalculia

(Or, how to survive Uni as a disabled student)

Disclaimer:

This is what has worked for me. I don’t claim that this will work for everyone. Not every ADHD brain is the same. Also other axis of privilege, time of diagnosis, and support are different between people. I have severe ADHD-C and was diagnosed as a young adult and had little support to help me deal with my symptoms until I met my partner. Psychiatrists aren’t trained to help you deal with the range of issues you will face.

Do keep in mind as well that some professors are just ablest assholes. The idea that someone is kind, empathetic, or will always follow federal law just because they are in a profession that gives them a power differential is ridiculous. You may also run into professors that also take pride in their exam distributions looking like a statistician’s nightmare. Keep an eye out for the obvious dog whistles, and do research before registration when possible. If you end up in these situations, drop the class during the add/drop period if you can. If not, be prepared for your GPA to take a hit.

I’m writing this from an American perspective, if you are in the UK/Europe I lived in Scotland for 5 years and would be happy to help if you have questions regarding the Equality Act 2010 and the UN convention of disability rights.

A. Lifestyle:

1. Sleep hygiene. Sleep = study retention.

I had trouble sleeping for most of my life. I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep or stay asleep at the appropriate times. A lot of people deal with this by being “night owls” — i.e. just accepting that our clocks are set later than neurotypicals’. Other people deal with this by sleeping on a biphasic or polyphasic sleep schedule.

There is another option though. You can train yourself to go to sleep at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning. This might take a couple of weeks for your body to adjust. Here is how I did it:

Take your morning dose of medication about 30-40 minutes before you actually need to wake up. This allows medication to kick in. It’s similar to the trick of drinking a cup of coffee before taking a power nap. I have two alarms. One to take my medication, and the other to actually wake up. My medication alarms have a particular tone so that I don’t take my medication twice.

Wake up at the same time every day, including weekends. You can’t oversleep or your body won’t adjust. Do not press the snooze button. Get up right away to start your morning routine. The 5-10 minutes that your snooze gives you isn’t going to make you feel less tired. It will make your feel groggy, which is something called sleep inertia. Your body doesn’t get to complete a full sleep cycle, and it will donk you up.

Add going outside to your morning routine. Even if it’s the winter, or mostly dark. I have an adorable greyhound, and he has to go potty as soon as I wake up. In the very least open your blinds/curtains and open your windows to get some fresh air and morning light. Studies show that light effects our circadian rhythm. I find that even when it’s dark out though, going outside helps due to the cool morning air.

Keep a consistent morning routine. Do everything in order like you are going down a checklist of tasks. Make your bed as your final task. Don’t get back in your bed. Your bed is for sleep or sex only.

Go to bed at the same time every night, no matter what. Medication has likely worn off by the time you go to sleep, and contradictory to neurotypical belief, when your brain wanders it can make it harder to fall asleep. So can hyperfocusing. I find that reading can keep me up as I will hyperfocus, but listening to audiobooks doesn’t cause those problems. I turn off the lights, put a seep mask on, and play an audiobook with wireless headphones to help me get to sleep. I recommend reading/listening to something light like fantasy or science fiction. Save thrillers, horror, and mystery books to listen to during the day.

2. Exercise.

I recommend exercising in the morning everyday, cardio and strength training. Even if you just do some cardio 10-15 minutes, it is still beneficial. Most exercise physiologists would recommend a rest day, but I’ve found that lighter days work better than complete rest days. You will see a noticeable difference in your hyperactivity symptoms. It’s not simply that it gets the fidgets out of your system, it is good for a hyperactive mind and helps with emotional dysregulation as well. It will help you sleep at night too.

Always speak to your doctor before you begin any exercise regimen, especially if you are taking 60+ mg of ADHD medication and have not exercised regularly on your medication previously.

3. Eating.

Eat at the same time everyday. Your body will tell you you’re hungry at those times. It’s also helpful to schedule your food around medication so that you don’t repress your natural appetite. Also, not that it needs to be said, but the brain uses up a lot of calories. You need to eat to retain what you learn.

4. Emotional Regulation.

This is one of the hardest parts of ADHD that no one ever talks about. You may not even know what this is, or that emotional dysregulation is a symptom of ADHD. It’s never mentioned in the DSM or ICD because emotions are hard (and expensive) to quantify. A lot of medical professionals have never even heard of it. If you want to read up on it, I suggest reading work by Dr. Russell A. Barkley. To give you the basics though, ADHD brains fail to self regulate emotions. We have emotional impulsivity. When we take in sensory information for conscious appraisal the pathway goes like this: stimulus —> thalamus —> cortex —> amygdala. Our frontal cortex is not the greatest at giving us context, or telling us to chill out, so our amygdala can be in the driver’s seat often. This aspect can make us really fun people, because it can make us get excited easily and enjoy life to the fullest. It can also cause us problems. For example, expressing anger at your boss or teacher (even if you are rightfully angry) might not be the best—diplomacy may give a better outcome. Our amygdala doesn’t know what is best for our future selves.

So, how does one regulate emotion when you’re brain doesn’t function like you want it? Try practicing mindfulness. And no, I’m not taking about attending to everything coming into your working memory or weird granola hippy garbage. When you are having an emotional response, check in with yourself. Are you feeling overstimulated? Are you feeling understimulated? Are you hungry, are you thirsty? Are you tired? Is your medication wearing off? Notice patterns, notice what triggers the emotion, write it down. Develop a proverbial toolbox that can help you when you are not regulating your emotions well. This toolbox is individual to you, and it may take some trial and error.

Keep in mind that trauma is different than emotional dysregulation, although our emotional dysregulation doesn’t exactly help. A lot of us ADHD brains have experienced severe emotional trauma via ableism and abuse from the school system, from teachers, or from parents. It never gets talked about because it’s usually caused by someone in a position of authority, and we are hardly ever given a voice to talk about our own experiences. Find someone you can trust to talk to about it. Find ways to self sooth in a healthy way when re-experiencing that trauma. You may have complex PTSD. It’s difficult for us to get help for complex PTSD because society doesn’t recognize that disabled people experience trauma in a very unique way. Keep in mind PTSD wasn’t even considered a disability under the ADA until 2008, one couldn’t get social security for PTSD until 2017, and the ADA didn’t exist until 1990. If you do seek out help though, expect push back from some medical professionals, have someone that will support you through the process, and do so when you will not be experiencing new trauma. Also, remember, fellow ADHD brains are here and we all love and support you.

B. Disability Services:

I’m not going to sugar coat this. We are barely recognized as human beings, so our rights are always under fire. Being disabled in this world is like walking through a mine field. Not every university or work environment is going to follow the ADA. The ADA became law in 1990, and the abled have been dragging their feet ever since. It’s difficult to enforce, complaining to the government often leads to nothing, and getting a lawyer is expensive. It’s also hard to prove discrimination in court. The ADA leaves a lot of room for improvement. Ableism is a systemic problem pretty much worldwide. I’m not trying to upset anyone, but you need to be prepared for what you are up against.

1. Keep the nature of your disability private.

Never ever ever tell a professor or TA the nature of your disability. Tell them you have a disability recognized under the ADA which is federal law, do not tell them what disability you have. There are lots of tips on tumblr that will tell you to inform professors that you have x disability, and that they will be empathetic and blah blah blah. Those uninformed tips are putting your legal rights, and your grade, in danger. There are so many biases professors can and do have when it comes to ADHD and dyscalculia. You are just asking to experience ableism if you divulge. Some professors don’t believe that ADHD is a disability, or they believe that vaccines cause ADHD, or that you just magically grow out of ADHD when you turn 18 etc. It isn’t your job to deal with their delusions, their biases, or their ableism — that’s their therapists’ or HRs’ problem. You do not have to tell anyone but your university disability services. Under the ADA you have a legal right to privacy, but if you divulge to a professor you are waiving that right.

I also wouldn’t recommend telling other students the nature of your disability. Unless you are pretty sure the other student also has your disability, but even then internalized ableism is a thing. You never know who they are going to tell, if they are ableist, or how they feel about your accommodations. You never want an abled student crying to a professor because they think your accommodations are “unfair”. If a student wants to know what disability you have, and you want to tell them something because you have become acquaintances/friends but don’t want to tell them exactly, say that you have a neurodevelopmental disability and/or a learning disability.

2. Advocate for your legal accommodations.

Disability services are not going to hold your hand. They are not going to simply offer you all the accommodations that you are legally allowed or would make you successful. They deal with hundreds of other students and likely have accommodations they offer everyone, regardless of the type of disability you have. Request accommodations that actually put you on the same playing field as everyone else. Read the ADA, and understand what reasonable accommodations are.

If you have ADHD, I would recommend requesting extended time on exams and assignments, a private room to take exams in that is free of distraction, handouts/materials and textbooks in text-to-speech capable formats, the ability to take breaks in-class or exams, reduced course load, and the ability to record lectures for note-taking. You may be able to request a memory aid for ADHD, as a lot of ADHD brains have very low working memory (also called short term memory) capacity. Part of our attention difficulties come from low working memory capacity as sensory input goes through working memory before it is stored in long term memory. Anything stored in long term memory must be pulled back into working memory to be used and manipulated. Get a psychologist that specializes in ADHD adults to test your working memory capacity if needed.

If you have dyscalculia, I would recommend requesting a memory aid (used for formulas, constants, equations etc), the use of calculator on exams and assignments, extended time on exams and assignments, reduced course load, and a private room for exams.

3. Get accommodations implemented.

This is a different process than getting accommodations approved. My uni makes me contact professors at the start of the quarter in an ‘engagement process’. Due to re-experiencing trauma, I avoid setting up a meeting with professors and just email. Emailing prevents professors form cornering you or badgering you to divulge your disability, or subtly threatening you about your registration or degree, and puts everything in writing so there is a legal paper trail.

Professors may try to get out of their legal obligations. I have had this happen multiple times. I’ve even had professors tell me that accommodations aren’t helpful for disabled students, or that they are not fair to abled students — I responded with “well it’s not fair that I was born with a disability and that you’re gatekeeping disabled people from getting an education”… they didn’t take that well. Do not try to argue with a professor about your disability rights or accommodations, it will only make you upset and they will likely accuse you of being hysterical or unstable. I’ve even had a professor say that I “threatened” them when I simply reminded them of their legal obligations under federal law as they were trying to not implement accommodations. This is why email is the best choice — you have time to respond professionally and having the receipts is important to keep you legally safe. If a professor is being belligerent about implementing accommodations, tell disability services what is going on (forward your emails) and remind them that accommodations must be implemented in a timely manner under the ADA. If disability services tries to make you argue with your professor, say that you do not feel comfortable doing so. If they push further, tell them you would rather not without an attorney or other representative present — mention you would rather the university handle it internally as you are concerned bringing an attorney or representative into an argument would escalate the situation which isn’t ideal for anyone.

I have a standard email that I send professors during the ‘engagement process’ that I edit slightly to reflect the course. It is professional, polite, and reminds them of their legal obligations as well as university policy. In it I also outline what my approved accommodations are and suggest how they should be implemented.

4. Any paperwork you have to turn in, make sure to do it early.

Create reminders on your calendar, write the dates in your bujo future log, whatever you need to do to get that paperwork in on time. Read everything slowly. These are legal documents. If you have a support system… ASK FOR HELP. Seriously, don’t be afraid to ask your support system for help with legal documents.

C. Studying:

1. Choose two places to study.

I don’t like studying in the library or in cafes. I know it’s not as aesthetic to study at home, but it prevents me from people watching and getting distracted. I have two designated study areas. One is my desk, the other is a cozy couch. Choose locations based on stimulation and comfort. My desk is fairly understimulating, while the couch is a bit more stimulation.

2. Learn to use your hyperfocus.

Most reading this probably know what you need to get in the hyperfocus zone. If you don’t, then note any patterns/conditions when it happens so you will have an easier time using the only ADHD super power you’ve got. When you are hyperfocusing on studying, ride the wave for as long as you can. However, make sure to set alarms to eat, go to the bathroom, stretch etc. Don’t let your hyperfocus keep you from taking care of yourself.

3. Create a study routine.

I know I keep blathering on about routines, but it helps. Treat studying like you would training as a professional athlete. When you have a study routine, you never have to decide to study. That decision is already made for you. When studying for exams, make a checklist of everything you need to cover. Ask the professor in advance about what is going to be covered on exams so that you can make an exam study plan early. If your professor is a garbage person and won’t tell you use the syllabus, textbook readings, labs, lecture slides, and snoop on the internet for past exams. Last minute learning is never a good idea. The human brain simply can’t do it, and your working memory capacity is too low to cram.

4. Accept that everything will take you longer, and that it’s okay.

It sucks, it really does. Those neurotypicals don’t know how lucky they are. It’s going to take you longer to read, to learn material, and to do basically anything in life. That’s okay, you do you. Don’t compare yourself to others, it will only cause you to feel bad about yourself. Guess what though, you are already a statistical anomaly. Only 32% of ADHD children graduate high school. Only 22% of adults with ADHD get into university. Only 5% of ADHD adults graduate from university. You are already punching those statistics in the face by existing. Seriously, do what you need to do and fuck anyone that has a problem with it. You’ve got this!

5. Create the environment you need for your brain.

Sometimes I’m feeling really over stimulated and I need complete silence. Sometimes I feel at a sort of stimulation equilibrium and I listen to lofi study beats playlists. Sometimes I feel understimulated or I’m doing something really tedious, and I need to put on a tv show or a movie in the background. I keep a list of TV shows and movies that I can put on in such cases. Pick things that you won’t really watch and that you are familiar with. It usually helps me transition so that I can start the studying task. Listen to your body and do what works for you.

6. Don’t use the pomodoro technique.

The pomodoro technique was made for neurotypicals. ADHD brains have difficulty transitioning between tasks. It’s better to study for as long as you can maintain focus or hyperfocus than rely on a set 25 minutes. Again, be sure to eat and use the bathroom! You don’t want to be taken off your meds due to weight loss, and you don’t want to get a UTI.

D. Tools of the Trade:

1. iPad Pro & Apple Pencil v.s. Echo Livescribe Smart Pen

I used to use the echo livescribe smart pen but now I use an iPad. It’s cheaper in the long run and I don’t have to worry about running out of paper. Apple has way better customer support as well as iCloud backups, plus they can find your device if lost. Now I only use the echo livescribe pen when taking exams. My university lets me use one from the disability office so that I can make verbal notes when doing long answer exam questions and to keep track of my thoughts if I want to skip over a question and come back to it. I requested it as an accommodation, it had to be approved by committee. They actually thanked me for being so creative and trained the person in charge of accessible technology so that it could be used with other students. It’s almost like asking disabled students about what helps us and our experiences is a good thing!

2. Notability

I use the app Notability for lectures as it can record the lecture and has great organizational capabilities. I usually copy/paste slides into my notes so that I can write on them as well. I also use Notability to read textbooks. It’s got fairly good text-to-speech compatibility, so you can move around if you need to.

3. Goodnotes 5

I use the Goodnotes 5 app for a digital bujo as well as for making mind maps. It’s got some great shape recognition functions. Although Notability has improved their shape functionality, it’s still not as great as Goodnotes 5.

4. iWork

I also use pages on my iPad to make condensed study guides / study notes. It’s also really great for writing essays or making tables. I used to hand-write study notes, but it takes way longer.

4. Omnifocus

Omnifocus is great for breaking down big projects into smaller tasks or making quick checklists. It’s a bit of a pain to learn how to use, but once you do it’s completely worth it.

5. Quizlet Plus

Quizlet Plus is completely worth it. I use it a lot for figures or structures I have to memorize, I draw figures in Notability and take a screen shot or grab it from my textbook. It’s a really amazing flashcard app. Also, if you have your textbook on your device, you can copy/paste definitions right into quizlet.

6. Studybreak

Studybreak is a great app for iphone. It tells you how long you have been studying, nags you if you’ve touched your phone to scroll social media, and can suggest that you take a break. You can program it to set how long you want to study for, how long you want to take a break for etc. You can also ignore the break suggestion which is nice when one is hyperfocusing. It also keeps statistics on how long you have been studying and for which subjects.

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momtemplative · 4 years

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Summertime.

Summertime is fucking awesome for a kid.

I remember entire days—chunks of days— that were spent at the pool, with Will Smith’s SummaSummaSummaTime bumping through the loud speakers while we ate nachos with fake cheese for lunch with our wrinkly, chlorine-sodden fingers. For months, everything smelled with a hint of chlorine and freedom. Open expanses of time were glorious.

Then I had kids.

With kids and summer, there is a lot to consider, a grand choreography to uphold. I always lose sleep before summer. It feels as if my role jumps from “parent” to “coordinator of peace and good times for three straight months,” (even typing all that was exhausting), where everyone is entertained, but not too entertained, happy, but not overly happy, everyone has a routine, but plenty of time for spontaneity, and so on! YAY!

Like all grand puppet-masters, I feel deeply anxious before the show even begins. Damn you, summer!

Summer is just the right length where we can get through it, at times gliding through mercifully, at times, hanging on to all the tow-ropes and oh-shit handles we can find along the way. The number of kid meltdowns and sibling fista-cuffs greatly increases as we near the finish line. The phrase, “We’ll try and get you some space,” is utilized daily. Then, when school starts again, we all heave a sigh of relief that is audible for blocks.

I wasn’t fully aware of the amount of time and energy that went to keeping the machine-of-summer afloat. Until COVID and our involuntary exposure therapy. We were thrust into “summer” two-and-a-half months early, without warning and without any external supports. It felt like some bizarre test in endurance. Like our human capacity for resilience was being evaluated for future generations. There was no more just getting through. We were thrown in way too deep for that. We had to figure out how to function, how to grow and maintain sanity because, for this version of summer, there really is no finish line.

After the first two COVID-weeks of being at home with the kids, no work or school (or online school at that point), no activities or playdates, no outside world to depend on, I fell apart. As in, to pieces—the way one does when they are trying to hold everything together. The uptick in fights, tantrums and explosive emotions, with no end in sight, was too much to process.

After a few hours of wallowing, I picked myself up and pulled down a pile of books from the shelf that have added perspective in the past—Siblings without Rivalry, The Wisdom of No Escape, Care of the Soul. The words were nice, but nothing cut through the wall of despondency. So I pulled out my phone and searched “Siblings Fighting” on my Janet Lansbury podcast, smearing tears as I went.

(A note here on Janet Lansbury. As a parent of young kids, no one person has benefited my faculties, mental health and wit more than Janet. Her podcast is rich with real-life wisdom that changes the experience of parenthood for the better.)

In the random sibling-titled podcast that I discovered—from years ago, but still, obviously, totally current—Janet was replying to a woman who had three young kids and was losing her mind trying to maintain tranquility in her house. The woman said something to the effect of, it would have been so much easier if I’d only had one.

To this, Janet replied with what felt, to me, like a beautiful and classic snap-out-of-it moment. She said, No. I disagree. Followed by something to the order of this: When you have one child, you can still live under the illusion that you can keep everyone happy. When you have two kids, you start to see that it’s really tough, damn near impossible, to keep everyone happy and peaceful, but you may still try. With three kids, you have the gift of experiencing first hand that the jig is up! No matter what kind of tiny-statue-winning show you maintain, there is no way in hell you can keep three young kids peaceful all the time. So you are forced to stop trying.

I came to the conclusion that COVID is my third child.

And with that thought—like the scene in Mary Poppins where the messy room gets magically tidied as if from an internal intelligence all its own—my insides were completely fresh, organized, and updated. My energy quadrupled.

With the externals turned down, with nowhere to go, and all of us cohabiting the same tiny shoebox of a house, it’s not going to be business-as-usual for quite some time. And we’ll all fare better with adjusted expectations. We are all in a fishbowl and, while clocking in endless hours together, I saw right-quick the laundry lists of things I feigned having control of: my girls and their interactions, potty training for Ruth, the weather (which rules if we can or cannot get outside), my mood, Jesse’s mood.

Janet says, wake up expecting turmoil—then you won't make it your job to live free of it, get rid of it, fix it, numb it. Discord is healthy. Emotions are healthier. Don’t dive in and ride the waves with your kids, stand back and watch, give them space, be there for them to come back to shore. The last thing they need is a mom who is also out of breath, scraped up and with sand in her ears. I don’t need to be Queen Empress of their journey as siblings. I don’t need to have a say in every nuance, every detail and pixel of this habitat.

And, she says, give yourself permission to flounder, too. Always, but especially right now. Some moments just feel brutally claustrophobic—we can be ready for that. A few days ago, I started crying while Jesse was giving me a shoulder massage. No warning, just did. I had a major-headache and I couldn’t think straight. Opal said, “Mom, are you crying?” SO defensive, I said, “I feel like I’m under a magnifying glass!” and ran out of the room. And sometimes it just goes like that. (I apologized to Opal soon thereafter.) If my emotions are coming out sideways like this—at 42 and with thousands of dollars under my belt spent on therapy—imagine what our sweet kiddos are going through!

And sometimes things settle organically into their rightful place, without force or manipulation. Today, I was lying on the floor in the hallway—not an unusual sight in the middle of the day for me to have my legs up a wall for a short period of time. This time, Ruth was in the bathroom in the tub, the door open to my right. She was acting out a full drama with her Elsa and Anna barbies. Opal was behind her bedroom door, which was closed, reachable by raising my right arm. She was doing her singing lessons over Skype, crooning her gorgeous little heart out. Jesse was behind door number three, our closed bedroom door, easily reached by my left hand. He was talking on the phone in hushed tones to who-knows-who. Three completely separate worlds were happening peacefully, simultaneously, all within my arm’s reach. It was a tiny little subculture, and I was in the middle, observant and spacious, not expending even the slightest molecule of energy.

If anything, I was bolstered as a part of this whole, the Grimes system, my family. And there were a few cherished minutes to get lost inside of that settled feeling, which is becoming less and less rare, before Ruth hollered that she needed to pee and I snapped back to attention.

So here we are, nearing the end of the first official week of summer. No public pool or Will Smith or finger-paint-yellow nacho cheese. I can’t quite fathom a summer without any of the norms—camps and playdates and travel. For now, no public places, parks, or our blessed little library.

Things are starting to slowly open again, though I suppose they have been for weeks now. We have taken two magnificent walks with our close friends—socially distanced and masked. It’s still strange, but a step forward, no doubt. Cultivating moments of connection like these, situations hinged in community—even if virtual—are key in maintaining some sense of equanimity as time moves forward.

(PS: This is utterly different from the work of the puppet-master.)

Though time feels anything but linear. I flash-forward to the image of my daughters ten, twenty, years from now, reminiscing about the COVID era with their friends. (Six feet apart on walks, remember? The masks, OMG, the MASKS!) I think back to when I was a kid and scour the already-murky memories for some example of a comparable viewpoint, something I can offer to my girls, tell them I had been through something similar when I was their age. But I come up with nothing, nada.

We are all writing this story as we go.

May 27, 2020

#momtemplative #mindfulparenting #COVIDwords #summertime

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gobigorgohome2016 · 6 years

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Fitness Check: Tobacco Road Half Marathon

Race weekends are so weird. I will never understand how time can move so quickly, yet so slowly, in the span of 48 hours.

Today I raced the Tobacco Road Half Marathon in Cary, North Carolina. Everything about this weekend seemed to embody the dichotomy of fast and slow.

I arrived in NC early Friday afternoon, around 11 AM. I think this race was first on my radar because my teammate, Andie Cozzarelli, lives in Raleigh and mentioned it to me the last time she raced the Indy Monumental Marathon. My main motivation for choosing races this year was to choose ones where I could win money.

In the past chasing cash has scared me, because I have been afraid of the gnawing anger / frustration / embarrassment / resentment when the race doesn’t go the way I had hoped, and I don’t win the money I had anticipated. There is also a factor where trying to win money, and then losing it, makes it feel more real, and scary in a way. Which is something I need to confront.

Friday was a lot of fun. Andie and I went for a run, watched approximately 30,000 episodes of Friends, then went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant in downtown Raleigh. I had possibly the best seafood risotto I have ever tasted, paired with a delicious red wine. Afterwards we watched more Friends. What I love about my Haute Volee teammates is that they have pretty seamlessly filled the gap that was left after college during racing weekends. Whenever Andie and I are together we run, do a little bit of work, watch some tv, eat, and talk to the point of exhaustion – just like my college days with my roommates.

Saturday I joined Andie for the end of her long run, then we headed over to the cutest coffee shop I have ever seen for a volee meet up. A friend of mine who I hadn’t seen since high school lives in Raleigh, and we got together for lunch at a Japanese restaurant. I ordered pho, solely for the reason that this time last year I went out to dinner with the ZAP Fitness team in Jacksonville and ate pho before running a PR.

After parting ways with my friend, I took an uber to my hotel. One of very few perks of Dave traveling all the time is that he can hook me up with Mariott hotels when I am out of town. I was able to have a suite with a kitchen. By the time I checked in at 2 PM, I only had 3 hours before the expo closed and I had to pick up my packet (no race day packet pick up). I still needed another short run, and the expo was 2.5 miles away, so I naturally ran there. Except, there was no sidewalk. So I ran on the shoulder of a super busy and scary road. #fail

By the time I got back to my hotel, I was pretty exhausted. Even though I had really done nothing in the past 24 hours, I also felt like I had done everything. I still needed to find some groceries, because I had already eaten the pre-race breakfast I had packed. #secondfail

Grocery stores were really far away, but, Instacart exists in Cary! Many struggles and 45 minutes of indecision later, I finally place my order for 18 larabars (literally), yogurt, two blood oranges, a box of instant oatmeal, 3 bananas, a beer, a dark chocolate bar, two kombuchas, and a small carton of orange juice. Why did I order 18 larabars? Well, I either could choose to pay $10 for delivery, or reach a certain threshold for free delivery. 18 larabars it was.

I watched Loyola upset Tennessee, then excitedly got ready for bed because I was SO TIRED. I had no idea the race was at 7 AM, which meant a 4 AM wake up call. I turned off the lights at 9, but then COULDN’T FALL ASLEEP. Normally, sleeping the night before a race is not a problem for me. I wasn’t even thinking about the race, I just couldn’t fall asleep once I turned out the lights. First the room was too hot. Then I had to switch around my pillows. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Then the room was too cold. Then every single person who walked down the hallway sounded like an elephant. Then I started my period and was having cramps (seriously, my last 10 of 14 races I have started my period within 24 hours of the race. It’s bizarre). I remember looking at the clock at 2 AM and thinking to myself, just get 90 minutes of sleep.

Even though I didn’t get a good night’s rest, I woke up feeling pretty good. I had my breakfast and watched MTV. I’ve had to give up coffee before races because I don’t think it does anything for me. Instead, I drink green tea. I packed a hand-made tea bag of roasted green tea that I bought in San Francisco for my morning cuppa.

My friend, Tim, picked me up at 5 AM to head over to the start. You know what’s cool about racing competitively? You accumulate friends all across the country who are willing to do things like drive out of their way to pick you up.

The next part is pretty standard: talk with your runner friends while waiting for the start, use the porta potty 30 times, run warm up, do drills, take off clothes, pee in the woods because the porta potty line is too long, do some strides, get nervous, gun goes off, fall into rhythm.

Funny story: the Tobacco Road is a crushed gravel trail. Basically, this race weekend was the most type B weekend of my life. I had no idea it was a trail race because I didn’t read the website. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have done the race had I realized, but fortunately “trail” meant a nice crushed limestone / hard-packed dirt, tree-lined path.

The course elevation map looked hilly. I thought the race was going to be hilly. Then people told me, no! the course if very fast and flat! I have determined that when you have a race in your hometown, you decide it is either the hardest, hilliest race in the country, or the flattest and fastest. Well, this race was neither. The first 2.5 miles (and subsequently the final 2.5 miles) were moderate rollers, while the middle miles on the tobacco trail were long, gradual inclines / declines. There were a few areas that were more treacherous than others, but nothing worse than that random gravel path we had to run down at the Trials.

My plan had been to start at 5:45 effort and make adjustments as necessary. Fortunately we warmed up on the first mile of the course so I realized that 5:45 effort was going to be significantly slower, because of both the wind and the hill. My first mile was ~5:52 (I think). I had overheard eventual race winner talking on the line with someone and make plans to go for 73ish min. My plan was to let her go, then reassess the situation at 4 miles and figure out what I needed to do to catch her. Meanwhile, within the first mile it became apparent there was going to be a struggle for second. A woman was right with me, and surging hard to try and drop me.

photo cred: Andie. Taken ~2.5 mi into the race before the wheels fell off

A big goal of mine this year has been to compete more. To be honest, I don’t love this situation. I am very comfortable running alone. I don’t love to do battle at the time (of course if I come out on top I’ll tell you otherwise). So, every time she made a surge, I went with her and then put in a surge of my own. I did this 4 or 5 times before dropping her for good, around the 6 mile mark. Splits that I remember: 3 miles, 17:30, 4 miles: 23:04; 5 miles: 28:50, 6.6 miles: 38:00. The way back was a death march of sorts. I’m not sure what happened. Certainly the way back had more long, gradual climbs, which are not as easy for me as steep hills (they never have been; I think it’s just the way my body is built and the fact that I grew up training in the dunes). Also, I definitely thought the wind was in my face on the way out, but it turns out it was most certainly in my face after the turnaround (there was talk of a shifting wind conspiracy. I would have to agree).

Something I noticed during the race was that I was far less concerned about where I was on the course because my only goal in the short term was to stay in 2nd place. I knew that I was gaining on first, but I was also on the struggle bus myself. There was a very real feeling at mile 8 of just get through 1k at a time.

Final finishing time: 1:17:43.

Am I happy with that? No. To be honest, I am pretty disappointed. But, I also realize I am incredibly fortunate to be able to say that a sub-78 minute half marathon is a “disappointment,” especially when I earned enough money to cover a student loan payment, a car payment, and a couple weeks of groceries. It’s also a matter of perspective. When I was training for my PR marathon, I ran a 5 mile road race 7 weeks before Twin Cities. I ran 28:45 and was beyond ecstatic with a new PR. Today, I went through 5 miles in 28:50 and still had 8.1 miles to go. 7 weeks out from the trials I ran 1:17:19 on a course that was flat and didn’t have gravel. To quote Brene Brown, the middle is messy, but that’s where the magic happens.

I have had quite a few setbacks recently. It’s hard to acknowledge setbacks, but also not allow them to let you feel like you’re spiraling out of control.

My coach reminded me today that I strive way too hard for perfection, when all I have to be is good.

Regardless, I asked Coach Dean if I could set up an appointment with him this week, because I think a mental game tune-up never hurts.

Even though I consider myself a highly Type A person, I did a whole lot of Type B things this weekend:

-have no idea I was running a trail race

-have no idea what time the trail race started (there was a point in time where I banned myself from running 7 AM races because it requires waking up at 4 AM…)

-wait to get my bib number until the last possible minute, then get stuck running down a highway

-forget to grab my gels when I went to the starting line

The great thing, though, is that none of this bothered me. I think there was a point in time where I would have freaked the f*ck out if any one of these things happened, let alone all of them.

So, what would I have done differently? Absolutely nothing. 77:43 is where I’m at right now. It’s not the worst place in the world to be, that’s for sure. I wish I was faster, but all I can do about that is keep working and making the right investments into my training.

#marathontraining oisellevolee

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boliviahome-blog · 6 years

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3.30.18

Matthew and I have been feeling pretty high stress in our relationship lately. This is strongly correlated to the fact that we’ve only had 2 hours away from the kids (and not focused on work) since mid-December. As I like to say, two hours is too few hours.

This is one of the more hidden costs of doing this type of work: you move away from everyone who provides a safety net to your domestic craziness. At home (meaning, back in Minnesota) we had my sister and parents just a short drive away, plus a whole congregation of generous-hearted friends living in our neighborhood, all of them willing to provide regular respite from the perils of life with a toddler and a baby. But no more. Now we live in Bolivia, with genial colleagues who are not yet close friends. And we’ve had a frustratingly difficult time finding a babysitter.

So we’ve not had much time to focus on our relationship. We have been furiously treading to keep the family’s head above water until the many transitions of these initial months cease. Keep the kids free of diarrhea and terrible diaper rash. Guide Lev into the pleasures of continuous sleep. Maintain Thea’s body temperature at a salubrious level in the tropical heat. Protect everyone from whatever the heck kind of snake this is that was living in our backyard. You get the idea.

One of the game-changing pieces of advice we got early in our marriage was to treat our relationship better than a car: the idea being that we invest in regular oil changes, make costly repairs, keep our vehicles clear of road salt and winter grime, but when it comes to the most valuable thing we own (our marriage), we hesitate to spend money to maintain it properly. People wait too long to make marital repairs, i.e., through counseling, and often it’s too late. I don’t know, I’m not a counselor, and I am keenly aware this isn’t always possible for everyone. But - for us - we took the advice to heart. We typically went to see Shannon, our counselor, about 4 sessions a year. An hour and a half appointment is long enough to talk, scowl, laugh, scowl, and laugh again. We bring the intransigent issues we have, she offers perspective and homework, we work on it, we forget about it, we go back and hash it out again the next year. It’s been helpful and an encouragement to us, a safety net.

When we moved to Bolivia, we anticipated and tried to mitigate the huge stressors by scheduling an online marriage counseling session within our first few weeks here. We have unlimited and free access to them, which I think is one of the best perks of the job. One thing we didn’t anticipate, however, was an erratic internet connection. We got the kids to bed, breathed a sigh of relief, plopped down at the kitchen table, reviewed what we wanted to talk about, and... BLAARGH. [That is the sound of the internet crapping out.]

The counselor rang us back about 10 times in 10 minutes, until we all called it quits. “We’ll ... see ... [garble garble] ... later when ... [garble]... is fixed,” we barked at the screen. I think she got the point. Well, that was 3 months ago.

Matthew and I have been neglecting each other and this past week the strain was starting to show. We both became snippy. The word “butthead” was bandied about. I was feeling depressed and really homesick, Lev got sick, then I got sick, and my emotional margin was exhausted. All the transitions - the moving, orienting, traveling, life at 90 mph - these are all done. It’s time now to get the kids, the house, and ourselves back on track. So Say We All!

Today is Good Friday, a work holiday here, and the kids were napping simultaneously, so we decided to make it a Really Good Friday by paying attention to each other, maybe having a little fun, playing a game, and talking about important stuff.

We started things off by rating our perception of our marriage right now:

Me: What grade would you give us?

Matthew: [Sigh] Oh, maybe a B- or a C?

Me: Oh really! Wow!

Matthew: What?

Me: Oh, I’m just pleased that you think we’re doing that well.

[Some more detailed talk about the ins-and-outs of this season for us, what’s going well, what’s going badly, how the kids play into it or not.]

Me: Well, yeah, I think I’d also give us about a C. Not great, but not fundamentally broken, either.

[More detailed talk about what “fundamentally broken” means.]

Then we played Hanabi, which got interrupted by Lev crying, and we started bickering again. The equation is very simple: Kid crying = frustrated bickering. The louder the crying, the louder the bickering. I. SERIOUSLY. HATE. BICKERING. Lev went back to sleep.

Matthew: Okay, let’s try again. Reset on the game.

[Game played. Fun sort-of had. You can’t just relax at the drop of a hat.]

After the game, we set the pieces down and looked around. Matthew was gratified that neither of us was looking at our phones or the laptop. I was thrilled the house was quiet and that no marching band was rehearsing nearby.

We decided to gaze into each other’s eyes for 30 seconds, which is something we do once in a while, on the premise that maintaining our love doesn’t need to be rocket science or grand poetry, that sometimes it can be aided with some tried-and-true methods: in this case, simply staring at another’s eyes for 30 seconds increases your affection for them. At least, I’m pretty sure I read something about that once. Matthew set his watch timer.

Me: Wait, wait, let’s do a pre and post-test. Don’t start! Stop looking at me! What’s your current level of affection for me? Mine is about a 3.

Matthew: [appearing slightly miffed] Out of what?

Me: 10.

Matthew: Yeah, I’m about a 3 too.

Me: Okay! Let’s see if staring in each other’s eyes helps raise that.

So we scooted closer. We held onto each other’s shoulders. It was nice. He set the timer. We started staring.

Matthew: You’re only looking at one eye. Look at both.

Me: [adjusting]

Matthew: Now I’ve made you into a cyclops. [leaning in and out] Wooo-ooo-ooooo!

Me: Stop that!

Matthew: It’s like a Magic Eye picture.

Me: [trying it] I think I see a lion coming out!

[Both of us giggling and then settling into it, staring at both eyes]

I’ve always liked Matthew eyes. The summer we met, when my heart was still quite ragged from a hurtful season some time earlier, I remember how struck I was by his soft, kind, brown eyes. I’ve since heard that’s some kind of pop-culture cliche, probably with a snarky gif, but the debasing of it doesn’t take away from the truth of it for me. Matthew did have soft, kind eyes. He still does. I still find healing and a sense of home when I look in them. Especially when he’s not being a butthead. Because his heart is Good.

30 seconds passed. A minute passed. We didn’t know that, of course, because you can’t shift your eyes to watch the clock or the whole thing breaks down. We finally drew apart.

Me: Where are you at now?

Matthew: A 4.

Me: Me too! Wow, that’s amazing. Only a minute and we gained a whole point! We could get all the way up to a 10 with only 6 more minutes. That’s nothing!

So... it’s a start. We feel good about the prospects. Everything is calming down: the job, the potty-training, the travel. We keep repeating this, reassuring ourselves, as if a magic mantra will make it so.

But the proof is in the ordinary details: We’re eating home-cooked meals. Yes, half of them get thrown on the floor by our punk 12 month-old but that’s irregardless of geography. Thea is watercolor painting again, right now to the soothing tunes of Ladysmith Black Mambazo from a Putomayo Kids album. (Pretty happy about that.) She’s asking me to sing Hark the Herald at night again. Lev is discovering to how play by himself and often sits quietly, entranced by Fisher Price Little People, throwing them, transferring them from bus to barn to mouth.

And we are proving it too: today we finally scheduled another online counseling appointment and we booked a babysitter for next Tuesday. Hopefully she will not kill the children. We may be only at a 4, but 4 is almost a 5, and 5 is halfway there. Today is Good Friday, when Jesus decided the whole earth was worth healing. Seemed like the right day to decide that for us too.

(In any case, we already know we’re MFEO - Made For Each Other - because we both hate that scene in movies when someone needs to give someone else a necklace and - even though they’ve just been frantically running through a forest or dodging bullets in a war and the necklace has stayed on securely the whole time - somehow in the moment when they need to pass it off to someone, all they have to do is gently tug on it and the clasp comes loose and they gracefully hand it over. Eye-rolls all around from us. I’m looking at you Frodo Baggins.)

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azworkingdogs · 5 years

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How to Train an Older Dog to Use a Pee Pad: The Bad and the Ugly

Someone recently contacted me and asked me how to train an older dog to use a pee pad.

Well, that was an interesting conversation. Look. Potty pads have their uses. If you live in an apartment complex and you don’t have access to a yard where you can take your dog every time it needs to go potty, then pee pads are essentials.

Here’s the thing, though – I don’t like potty pads. In fact, for most situations, I think they make it harder to potty train dogs and not nearly as effective as our go to potty training strategy.

However, if you have recently moved and found yourself in a situation where your adult dog needs to get adjusted to using pee pads, potty pads, or puppy pads, then we have a guide for you right below. First, though, here’s a quick little warning:

It’s true – I’ve said it, I’ve written about it, and I HATE potty pads!

Here’s Why:

1) You Give Up

Most people go to the store and buy potty pads and think they are some kind of miracle. Place the potty pads in designated areas and sit back and let your puppy find them and use them. Viola! He is now potty trained – but not really.

It is like potty pads are a license to give up on actual potty training. The truth is, they are not a miracle. In most circumstances, they are detrimental to your potty training at best.

Teaching a dog or a puppy to go potty outside is WORK! It is your job to make sure your puppy gets outside right after he wakes, 20 minutes after he drinks or pees, after he exercises and about every two hours in the beginning.

It is your job to make sure he can’t wander off and throughout your house without being constantly accompanied or watched by you! It is your job to catch him in the act of having an accident, and calmly and kindly get him outside so that he can be conditioned to where he should relieve himself. 99% of dogs will have accidents in the house, it is our job as owners and partners to kindly (no beating, no rubbing of noses) catch them and teach them where to go.

It isn’t easy! If it was, no one would have problems and I wouldn’t get this question several times per week. After all, dogs aren’t born with our rules and social norms, they have no problem going potty in their space, until they are taught and given other options.

2) They Are Confusing at Best

Let’s look at it from your puppy or dog’s standpoint…

You scatter these things all over the house, they have one or several attractive smells (like ammonia) and encourage your dog to use them to urinate and defecate. At least in the “old days,” newspaper had a very unique and different smell and feel.

Nothing else in your house smells like or feels like newspaper, not your laundry, not your carpet, not your rugs, which is the big reason that newspapers often worked but potty pads create more of a problem than they are worth.

Because…

3) It Teaches Your Dog to Potty Indoors

Either you want your dog to potty indoors, or you don’t! When you have a puppy, encouraging or allowing both is confusing. I mean, how does your puppy know that your intention is to actually have him going potty outdoors full time?

It is especially confusing if you aren’t teaching him. I mean can you honestly say that you are taking him outside or to his indoor spot as often as he needs to go and you aren’t allowing him to wander alone?

In the beginning, I recommend that you either choose to potty train your dog for outdoors or indoors! Once he is older and conditioned to the path that you have chosen (indoor or outdoor) THEN you can teach him another way!

That way, you can train your dog for one or the other and condition him. I have found in my years of dog training, that usually what a dog learns first becomes his default in times of stress. After all, teaching a human toddler potty training is difficult enough, imagine having different rules in different places!

4) It is Hard to Distinguish a Potty Pad from Your Things

For your dog, it is often hard to distinguish a potty pad from your other things. Think about it; potty pads are soft and plush and smell like ammonia. Carpet is also soft and plush. Bathroom rugs are also plush and soft and smell like our human (ammonia scent).

Human sweat and urine often smells like ammonia (even to us in some circumstances) now remember that your dog’s nose is thousands of times more powerful and sensitive than your own nose.

No wonder these dogs pull down towels, and pee on laundry and carpet; because of course by using ammonia scented potty pads we are, in fact, teaching him to do so!

Interesting thought, right? I mean, most people don’t realize how stinky we are (to our dogs) and how our own odor can increase the likelihood of our dogs using our things as a place to mark or put their own scent and relieve himself. Heck, he figures you did! We alleviate this when we teach our dog that outside is the only place to use to relieve himself.

5) It is a Main Cause of Euthanasia

A large majority of dogs end up in shelters because people either can’t or won’t potty train their dogs. After years of accidents, or new carpet or flooring people decide to get rid of their problem dog. Most of these discarded dogs never make it out of the shelter. After all, who wants a dog that they KNOW will soil their house?

And, the hard part is that bad habits or poor conditioning (a behavior that has become a habit) is hard to change! In reality, all of that can be avoided, if the people would just devote the time and effort it takes to potty train their dogs. Potty training is more about the person getting the dog out (or into an appropriate spot) and not allowing bad habits to form than it is about the puppy or dog.

I Used to Teach Dogs to Potty in the Bathtub!

What if You NEED Your Dog to Potty Inside?

So what if you need your dog or your puppy to go potty indoors?

Occasionally there is a person who can’t take their dog out; or perhaps they work such long hours that they simply need their dog to go potty indoors!

It CAN be done!

But, I will tell you it is even more difficult, in most respects, than potty training outdoors can be. 20 years ago, before there were ever indoor grass potty spots, I was teaching dogs to pee and poop in the bathtub! Yes, it is true! I trained Service Dogs, and a couple of my clients wanted to take their dogs with them on a cruise ship.

As you can probably imagine, a cruise ship is not set up to have grass for dogs to poop and pee. Yet the physically disabled partner relies on his/her Service Dog! And, they should be allowed to travel together! So, before there were indoor doggy patches, we were using grass carpeting in the shower/tub (of course it was easier to clean up here).

In the beginning, we used a very large piece of grass carpeting, and slowly as the dog became used to going potty in the shower; we could cut it down to a tiny piece that could simply be tossed into any shower.

Sounds easy, right?

The Hard Part

Like potty training a puppy to go outdoors, this took time and effort, even more so than regular potty training. When I am potty training a puppy to go outside, all I have to do is take him out and release him into a yard. The puppy can run off a distance away and relieve himself.

With indoor potty training you can’t take the dog outside (after all, it is indoors where you want him to go), you have to take him on leash to that ONE spot and wait for him to go potty there. Often, I had dogs that would hold their bladders for hours and hours not wanting to go potty inside. And, I had dogs that would refuse to poop for over 24 hours for the same reason.

It took time and consistency taking the dog to the same spot inside and not wavering. Every 2 hours, sometimes more, I would walk the dog to the shower and ask him to go potty and then wait. Just like outdoor potty training, I couldn’t then allow the dog to run off leash in the house or he would likely find his own place to relieve himself; which of course was what we were trying to avoid.

Imagine from the dog’s perspective being confused and just wanting a moment to get away so he could relieve himself. Not one moment of being by himself was allowed. If he was restless, he was taken to the grassy spot in the shower, no exceptions.

We knew, as trainers, how bad it would be if the dog were to poop or pee anywhere he wanted. 20 years ago Guide and Service Dogs were much less accepted and an incident like that could ban dogs on all other cruises. Heck, I remember the story of the “Service Pig” that pooped all over a plane and the desire people had to stop letting service animals on planes.

Therein Lies Some Differences

But, therein lies the difference, we were dog trainers; we knew the importance of consistency! We knew there were no exceptions. We could not allow the dog to have accidents in the house or give way to taking him outside (let’s admit I considered this several times).

Training Your Dog To Use a Potty Pad

Sometimes, the inside of your house or apartment is all you have access to. Like I said previously, training your potty to use a pee pad isn’t the best idea, but if that’s all you have, then that’s what you have to roll with. It can lead to accidents elsewhere. However, training your dog to use only the pee pad is possible, it’s just extremely difficult.

There are a few things that can make using puppy training pads easier, one of which is the type of training pads that you’re using.

Potty Training Puppy Pad Options

For dogs, newspaper on the ground may not be obvious enough. Why is it ok to pee on this spot but not this spot? Why can I pee on this newspaper but not that magazine? Giving your puppy a distinct spot to do their business is key for successful puppy pad training.

There are a lot of options for training your puppy to pee in a specific spot inside. You can try:

Classic Potty Pads: Puppy pads are traditionally composed of layered, spongy material that absorbs wetness and is leak-proof.

Dog Litter Boxes: You heard that right – litter boxes aren’t just for dogs! These boxes are filled with recycled paper pellets that absorb your dog’s messes.

Grass Mats: Grass potty mats can be made with real or artificial grass. They are an especially good choice for owners who plan on graduating their dogs to outdoor house training, serving as an easy and natural stepping stone.

It’s worth noting that litter boxes with pellets and fake grass mats have huge advantages because they are more distinct from your floor than classic potty pads. They take advantage of your dog’s natural instincts to help them potty in the right place.

Here are some steps that you should take if you’re trying to teach your adult dog to use a potty pad:

Crate Train Your Dog

Training an older dog to use a potty pad is similar to training a puppy. If your dog is already crate trained, then great! You can skip to step 2.

Dogs don’t like to pee or poop where they sleep, so giving your dog a smaller space can help teach her to hold her pee. When you are just starting out, use a crate for your puppy. Be sure to take her to the potty pad as soon as you let her out, but whenever you’re not watching her, she should be in the crate.

You’ll want to make sure that you properly crate-train your dog well so that the crate is a safe, happy space to be and not a scary punishment.

When your pup is being kept in her crate for potty training, make sure to take your pup to the potty pad very often.

Remember, puppies cannot hold their potty for very long when they’re little. You’ll want to take your pup to the potty pad as often as possible. Take your pup to the potty area 10 minutes after eating, playing or drinking. Basically, whenever humanly possible!

The more you take her to the pad, the better chance you’ll have of her relieving herself there. When your puppy does go potty in the right place, be sure to lavish him with tons of treats and praise. We suggest using super high-value training treats, like hot dogs!

Also keep in mind:

Puppies that are 2-3 months old need to pee every 2 hours.

Add 1 hour of time for each month after that (for example, a 5 month old dog can hold her potty for 5 hours). So, with your older dog, it’s likely that it won’t need to use the puppy pad very frequently.

Don’t leave your dog without access to a bathroom for more than 8 hours, even if she’s 10 months old.

Positive Reinforcement

During the initial puppy pad training stage, you want to make sure not to leave your puppy unattended. If you’re going to praise your pup for good potty behavior, you need to be there to provide positive reinforcement.

It can be pretty frustrating just hanging around in hopes of catching your dog poop on a pad, but it’s absolutely essential if you want to properly train your dog. Once you get to stage 2 and 3, you can begin leaving your dog alone, but until then you’ll have to be patient!

This method also works for older dogs. The chances are that your dog has already completed crate training. If you have a younger dog, then you may still need to worry about crate training. You probably won’t have to worry about training your dog to hold it, either. The bigger issue is acclimation. For this reason, you should keep your dog in the kennel except for when you’re taking it to the pad. Much like with a puppy, you’ll need to hang out while your dog is going potty so that you can encourage him.

Also, positive reinforcement is essential throughout the training process, no matter what you’re training your dog to do. Remember that your dog is seeking approval, and it’s much better to reward positive behavior than to simply punish bad behavior.

Try Using A Larger Area

One your dog is doing well with crate training, you can graduate to a larger space. Instead of leaving your pup in a crate, you will now create a small area within your house for your pup to roam.

Pick where you want the potty pads to go, then confine your pup in a small area including the potty pads. This can be done with x-pens, indoor dog gates, or by closing room doors.

Give your pup just enough room for a cozy puppy bed, potty pads, plus some water and toys. Instinctively, she won’t want to potty in her toys, water, or bed – so that just leaves the puppy pads! Giving her fewer choices makes it easier to make the right one.

As always, when you catch her using the puppy pads, provide ample treats and confirmation. Also make sure to clean up messes immediately so that your dog never faces the temptation to eat her own poop!

Increase Space Over Time

Once your dog has learned how to use the puppy pad in an enclosed space, you can gradually expand the area. Eventually, you’ll have a free-roaming, potty-trained pro!

At this stage, your pup can finally be left unattended.

How to React When Accidents Happen

Your dog is bound to make mistakes – it’s natural and normal.

Don’t scold your pup, or you may end up confusing your dog and teaching her that it’s not ok to pee in your presence. When your pup makes a mess, simply take her to the pad. If he goes there, reward her handsomely!

If she doesn’t, don’t take it personally and do your best to reward her when she does it right next time!

Cleanup

You’ll want to clean up messy mistakes immediately to reduce stain and smell. Dogs have a tendency to pee in the same spot over and over, so eliminating the odor in inappropriate bathroom areas is key.

There are a lot of products available to clean pet messes. We recommend looking for products that are eco-friendly and pet-safe!

If your dog is doing business in the litterbox, grass mat, or potty pad and you do your part to clean regularly, the smell should not be too terrible. These products are engineered to reduce smell!

For disposing of messy pads, most puppy pads usually get tossed in the trash, while grass pads can be biodegradable, but check the instruction details of the products you use for specific disposal details.

This is What Potty Training Comes Down to

Yes, I do think it is important early the in training of your puppy to decide are you an indoor or outdoor potty person and stick with it until you have your first goal (later you can get your dog ready for a cruise).

But It doesn’t matter, indoor or outdoor, what does matter is YOUR consistency and YOUR willingness to not take your eyes off of a learning dog or puppy (use a crate when you can’t) and not accept any exceptions.

After all, your dog’s life might just depend on it one day!

===================

5 Reasons I Hate Potty Pads, But if You Have to Teach Your Dog To Go Indoors, Here’s How

It’s true, I’ve said it, I’ve written about it, and I HATE potty pads!

Here’s Why:

1) You Give Up

Most people go to the store and buy potty pads and think they are some kind of miracle.

Place the potty pads in designated areas and sit back and let your puppy find them and use them.

Walla! He is now potty trained! (Not Really)

It is like potty pads are a license to give up on actual potty training.

The truth is, they are not a miracle, they are detrimental to your potty training at best.

Teaching a dog or a puppy to go potty outside is WORK!

It is your job to make sure your puppy gets outside right after he wakes, 20 minutes after he drinks or pees, after he exercises and about every two hours in the beginning.

It is your job to make sure he can’t wander off and throughout your house without being constantly accompanied or watched by you!

It is your job to catch him in the act of having an accident, and calmly and kindly get him outside so that he can be conditioned to where he should relieve himself.

99% of dogs will have accidents in the house, it is our job as owners and partners to kindly (no beating, no rubbing of noses) catch them and teach them where to go.

It isn’t easy!

If it was, no one would have problems and I wouldn’t get this question several times per week.

After all, dogs aren’t born with our rules and social norms, they have no problem going potty in their space, until they are taught and given other options.

2) They Are Confusing at Best

Let’s look at it from your puppy or dog’s stand point…

You scatter these things all over in the house, they have one or several attractive smells (like ammonia) and encourage your dog to use them to urinate and defecate.

At least in the “old days”, newspaper had a very unique and different smell and feel.

Nothing else in your house smells like or feels like newspaper, not your laundry, not your carpet, not your rugs, which is the big reason that newspaper often worked but potty pads create more of a problem than they are worth.

Because…

3) It Teaches Your Dog to Potty Indoors

Either you want your dog to potty indoors, or you don’t!

When you have a puppy, encouraging or allowing both is confusing.

I mean how does your puppy know that your intention is to actually have him going potty outdoors full time?

It is especially confusing if you aren’t teaching him, I mean can you honestly say you are taking him outside or to his indoor spot as often as he needs to go and you aren’t allowing him to wander alone?

That way you can train your dog for one or the other and condition him. I have found in my years of dog training, that usually what a dog learns first becomes his default in times of stress.

After all, teaching a human toddler potty training is difficult enough, imagine having different rules in different places!

4) It is Hard to Distinguish a Potty Pad from Your Things

For your dog, it is often hard to distinguish a potty pad from your other things.

Think about it; potty pads are soft and plush and smell like ammonia.

Carpet is also soft and plush.

Bathroom rugs are also plush and soft and smell like our human (ammonia scent).

Human sweat and urine often smells like ammonia (even to us in some circumstances) now remember that your dog’s nose is thousands of times more powerful and sensitive than your own nose.

No wonder these dogs pull down towels, and pee on laundry and carpet; because of course by using ammonia scented potty pads we are in fact teaching him to do so!

Interesting thought right?

I mean, most people don’t realize how stinky we are (to our dogs) and how our own odor can increase the likelihood of our dogs using our things as a place to mark or put their own scent and relieve himself.

Heck, he figures you did!

We alleviate this when we teach our dog that outside is the only place to use to relieve himself.

5) It is a Main Cause of Euthanasia

A large majority of dogs end up in shelters because people either can’t or won’t potty train their dogs.

After years of accidents, or new carpet or flooring people decide to get rid of their problem dog.

Most of these discarded dogs never make it out of the shelter.

After all, who wants a dog that they KNOW will soil their house?

And, the hard part is that bad habits or poor conditioning (a behavior that has become a habit) is hard to change!

When all of that can be avoided if the people would just devote the time and effort it takes to potty train their dogs.

Potty training is more about the person getting the dog out (or in to an appropriate spot) and not allowing bad habits to form than it is about the puppy or the dog.

I Used to Teach Dogs to Potty in the Bathtub!

What if You NEED Your Dog to Potty Inside?

So what if you need your dog or your puppy to go potty indoors?

Occasionally there is a person who can’t take their dog out; or perhaps they work such long hours that they simply need their dog to go potty indoors!

It CAN be done!

But, I will tell you it is even more difficult, in most respects, than potty training outdoors can be.

20 years ago, before there were ever indoor grass potty spots, I was teaching dogs to pee and poop in the bathtub!

Yes, it is true!

I trained Service Dogs, and a couple of my clients wanted to take their dogs with them on a cruise ship.

As you can probably imagine, a cruise ship is not set up to have grass for dogs to poop and pee.

Yet the physically disabled partner relies on his/her Service Dog! And, they should be allowed to travel together!

So before there were indoor doggy patches, we were using grass carpeting in the shower/tub (of course it was easier to clean up here).

Sounds easy right?

The Hard Part

Like potty training a puppy to go outdoors, this took time and effort, even more so than regular potty training.

When I am potty training a puppy to go outside, all I have to do is take him out and release him into a yard.

The puppy can run off a distance away and relieve himself.

With indoor potty training you can’t take the dog outside (after all, it is indoors where you want him to go), you have to take him on leash to that ONE spot and wait for him to go potty there.

Often I had dogs that would hold their bladders for hours and hours not wanting to go potty inside.

And, I had dogs that would refuse to poop for over 24 hours for the same reason.

It took time and consistency taking the dog to the same spot inside and not wavering.

Every 2 hours, sometimes more, I would walk the dog to the shower and ask him to go potty and then wait.

Just like outdoor potty training, I couldn’t then allow the dog to run off leash in the house or he would likely find his own place to relieve himself; which of course was what we were trying to avoid.

Imagine from the dog’s perspective being confused and just wanting a moment to get away so he could relieve himself.

Not one moment of being by himself was allowed.

If he was restless he was taken to the grassy spot in the shower, no exceptions.

Therein Lies Some Difference

But, therein lies the difference, we were dog trainers; we knew the importance of consistency!

We knew there were no exceptions.

We could not allow the dog to have accidents in the house, or give way to taking him outside (let’s admit I considered this several times).

This is What Potty Training Comes Down to

But it doesn’t matter, indoor or outdoor, what does matter is YOUR consistency and YOUR willingness to not take your eyes off of a learning dog or puppy (use a crate when you can’t) and not accept any exceptions.

After all, your dog’s life might just depend on it one day!

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northshorehealthandfitness · 7 years

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The Deload Week: Yes, No, Maybe So?

Outside of several other health/fitness arguments – steady state cardio vs. HIIT, low bar vs. high bar squats, weight belt vs. not wearing weight belt, Paleo vs. eating like a normal human being with a life, blue yoga pants vs. black – there aren’t many topics which rev people up or bunch panties more so than the deload week.

Some people believe they’re crucial for long-term progress, while others feel they’re a complete waste of time?

Who’s right?[/footnote]The answer is black yoga pants.[/footnote]

What Is This “Deload” You Speak Of?

For the uninitiated, in simplest terms, the deload week or “deload” is a purposeful, structured, and oftentimes planned reduction in training volume or intensity (or both) with the intention of improving performance, recovery, and/or injury prevention.

The concept has its roots via the Fitness-Fatigue Model (or, Two-Factor Theory Model) popularized by I have no idea (probably some Russian dude, they’re smart) and is a tool used to help optimize an athlete’s preparedness for training, and subsequently effect their ability to “peak” or perform at a high-level in his or her’s respective sport.

Photo Credit: BarbellShrugged.com

Feel free peruse Wikipedia – or any number of my friend’s and colleague’s websites – for a more thorough, eloquent, and potty-mouth free explanation.

However, in even more simpler terms the Fitness-Fatigue Model can be explained as follows: you lift heavy shit in the weight room and you either build “fitness” or accumulate “fatigue.”1

Broadly speaking deload weeks are widely accepted as most “relevant” for a few demographics:

Professional or elite-level athletes (<— probably not you).

Advanced or “strong as shit” lifters (<— probably not you).

Jason Bourne (<— probably not you. But if so, can we hang out?).

Those who are often injured (<— might be you).

If you’re a competitive athlete with an in and off-season and your livelihood relies on your ability to perform at high level or you’re someone who’s strong AF, it’s likely you’ll benefit from a healthy diet of deload weeks.

On the other hand, if you’re Dale from accounting and you spent two weeks on 5/3/1 or, I don’t know, took a CrossFit class two days in a row, relax, you don’t need a deload week.

I tend to agree with strength coach Mike Ranfone:

“Deloads are like cheat meals everyone wants one but not many have earned one.”

In reality, though, the real best answer as to whether or not a deload is warranted is: it depends.

I mean, if you want to keep things as succinct as possible look no further than a brilliant quote I stole from Molly Galbraith (courtesy of Greg Nuckols):

“If you feel good and are making progress, do more. If you feel bad and aren’t making progress, do less.”

via GIPHY

For Shits and Gigs Lets Dig a Little Deeper

Jordan Syatt has written in the past regarding the idea of the traditional deload and why he feels it’s a bit misguided to assume everyone needs to follow it.

In short, a traditional deload encompasses a full-week of pre-planned reduction in training preceded by three weeks of intense training. The deload week usually involves using submaximal loads (40-60%) and can also include nothing more than dedicated mobility/activation work, bodyweight drills, or, for those inclined to do so, Netflix and Chilling.2

An important distinction Jordan makes is that the traditional deload (three weeks “on,” one week “off”) doesn’t always fly or serve people’s best interests:

“Not only does it neglect individual needs and preferences, it fails to account for inevitable variances in how you feel on a day-to-day basis.

Cybernetic periodization, a term coined by the late Mel Siff, essentially refers to accounting for and modifying your program based on your subjective perception of how the weights feel on that specific day.

This skill, learning how to listen to your body and understand what it needs based on how you feel, is arguably the single most important skill to master for both coaches and lifters a like.

Unfortunately, the traditional deload completely neglects cybernetic periodization.”

Often times this approach can derail one’s training mojo. Just when someone is starting to make decent progress in the gym and starting to move some appreciable weight, and despite feeling great on any particular day and ready to get after it, they tap the brakes too soon and toss in a deload week.

You know, because that’s what’s supposed to be done.

NOTE: Admittedly, from a programming perspective, regardless of most variables, it’s not uncommon for me to toss in a “fake” deload week every fourth week. Part of it is because of how I prefer to write the bulk of my programs.

Each one is written in four-week blocks (in terms of overall training volume):

Week 1 = High

Week 2 = Medium

Week 3 = Hahaha, You’re Going To Hate Life

Week 4 = Low

And then the following week after that a “new” program starts and the intention is the client/athlete feels “fresh” to handle the additional volume and/or handle the novelty of any new exercises that may be thrown their way.3

Of course, this is not set in stone. Someone who’s training 2-3x per week as it is probably doesn’t need a dedicated deload week every fourth week. In this case it may be extended to every six to eight weeks, if not more. It depends….;o)

In addition, from a business and gym owner standpoint, the Week 4 “fake deload” subconsciously primes people into preparing for the next program.

I.e., they pay.

All That Said

If we’re honest: most people don’t work hard enough to warrant a deload.

Some people will use any excuse – they had one hard workout, they strained a little bit and their neck vein appeared, it’s Wednesday, anything – to not work hard.

Most general population clients don’t require structured deloads because the clusterfuckedness of “life” (work, school, family obligations, vacation) feeds them more than enough.

Strength coach and resident industry savage, Pat Davidson, says it best:

“Life will sprinkle in more than enough deloads. I’ve always found too many people take a deload right when they start making progress. They get the slightest bit uncomfortable, or they think they need to be on some three week on, one week off deal…and in pops a deload that’s more a derail of progress.”

As an industry we jest that “cardio will steal your gainz.” I’d posit that “you’re lack of making gainz (via incessant training deloads) is stealing your gainz.”

When To Deload

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here.

However my sentiments tend to mirror that of many other coaches:

Even with my most consistent and dedicated clients they’ll still miss some time every month due to work or vacation or any other legitimate reason (Laser Tag Tournament?).

If it’s been 6-8 weeks of heavy training, I’ll incorporate a low(er) volume/intensity week and we’ll turn the page and get back after it the following week.

Heck, sometimes a client will walk in on a random day and I know he or she is not feeling it. When that happens I’ll gauge biofeedback and ask questions about sleep, how they feel, etc and adjust accordingly.

I’ll often give them what I like to call a Bloop, Bloop, Bloop workout.

youtube

Types of Deloads

Again there’s no one-size-fits-all approach here, but below are some of my favorite options:

I find the term overtraining is drastically overused. Most trainees don’t come close to overtraining, but if they do volume is usually the culprit. To that end my “go to” deload strategy is a simple one.

1. Keep intensity high (as a % of 1RM) and cut training volume by 50%, sometimes as high as 2/3rds.

2. Another approach comes via strength coach Chris Butler: Deload the main lifts to 40-60% of training max (5/3/1).

3. Perform bodyweight only circuits for a week. Use the week as an opportunity to re-charge and prioritize mobility/activations drills like this:

youtube

4. Toss in a training curveball. Change up your training entirely. Instead of focusing on the “Big 3,” maybe do a body-part split for a week. Mentally this is huge.

5. Along the same lines maybe a deload week is nothing more than omitting all axial loading exercises.

Give your joints (particularly your spine) a break.

6. Some coaches use the deload week as a “Test Week.”

Meaning, choose one lift per session and go to town. Hit a top set (or maybe a PR?), drop the mic, and peace out.

7. Movement Variability – incorporate movements you rarely perform.

Experiment.

Go outside and do some agility work (skipping, sprinting, etc).

Play around with some sled work KB swings.

Never done frog pumps and try to make people feel really uncomfortable watching you?

Do that. DO IT.

Like I said, there’s no right or wrong here. Have your own strategies to share? I’d love to hear about them.

The post The Deload Week: Yes, No, Maybe So? appeared first on Tony Gentilcore.

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graciouslittlethings · 7 years

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5 Phrases I’m Guilty of Using With My Kids

One of the reasons why I quit my job to stay home with the kids was because I didn’t want to outsource their upbringing to somebody else. I pompously thought I’d be a different parent; you know, the kind who listens to her kids, talks and reasons with them.

Well, I like to think that I mostly do, but as my babies are fast becoming toddlers (and one of them is already outgrowing toddlerhood!), I realised that I’m not exactly who I envisioned myself to be! It’s a good thing I’ve come to realise this because it’s never too late to try to be better!

Here are 5 ways that I’ve been communicating wrong with my kids and I vow to change that starting from right now!

#1: “Stop that now! Put the scissors down! Drop it! If you take it, I’m...I’m...going...sending you out of the room!!!”

Image from New Kids Center

What’s wrong:

There are so many things wrong with this sentence that I don’t even know where to begin....

For starters, it’s not even a sentence. There are FOUR garbled sentences, randomly strung together in a desperate attempt to stop my toddler from grabbing that pair of scissors. Too many instructions only confuse toddlers.

Secondly, my kids are extremely cheeky and an excitable response from Mummy often serves to fire them up.

Finally, threats are certainly not an effective way of communicating!

What could be better:

A simple “Dozer, stop,” in a stern but calm tone would be good to catch their attention, followed by, “Please don’t touch the scissors when Mummy isn’t beside you. You might cut yourself.”

I’ve learnt that using a calm, stern tone has a better effect that being excitable. Even my 2-year-old Baby Dino can tell the difference when I’m being really serious about something which is off-limits. The explanation which follows is equally important because I need to educate my toddler on recognising danger.

#2: “Wow, look at Wendy! She’s using the potty already! Such a clever girl. Do you want to be clever like her?”

Image from US Weekly

What’s wrong:

Thinking back to the time when I was working, I’m sure I’d have been quite upset had my boss told me that I wasn’t doing well because I wasn’t sharp-witted like Siti or if my deliverables weren’t pretty like Simon’s. Instead, my performance assessment was conducted by measuring my achievements against the goals which I’d set at the beginning of the year.

While my (soon-to-be) 4-year-old can’t sit down and discuss goal-setting with me at the beginning of each year, child developmental milestones are not the same as deadlines.

Just as my ex-colleagues didn’t have the same goals which I did, Dozer should not be pressured into being potty-trained by his 4th birthday. As much as I would love to accelerate my child’s potty training milestone, which brings him another step closer to independence, comparisons often backfire and can potentially undermine his self-confidence.

What could be better:

“It’s great that you’re using the potty for ‘wee-wee’. Mummy is looking forward to the next time you use it for ‘poo-poo’!”

Apart from encouraging my child’s current achievements, I need to pause my hastiness and give my child time to be ready for his next step!

#3: “Wait till I tell Daddy what you did!”

Image from She Said

What’s wrong:

As someone who spends 90% of my waking hours with my kids, it’s just so tempting to pass the buck to my husband when the kids just won’t stop throwing things down the staircase!

AND, as someone who spends 90% of my time facing my kids, I also know that the “I’m going to tell Daddy” phrase works only for a short term. I’m actually reinforcing the belief that Mummy is not to be feared, only Daddy, so the next time the kids act up, it’ll be behind Daddy’s back.

What could be better:

As tiring and seemingly ineffective it may be to take care of the situation myself, I should. That way, the kids will know that regardless of it being Daddy or Mummy, incorrect behaviour will not be tolerated.

#4: “No more crying. Only babies cry. Don’t be a baby.”

Image from Mommyish

What’s wrong:

I have a rather sentimental child at home, who sometimes, is more sentimental than I would prefer. We’ve tried to cure him of his “crying habit” and we’ve used the above phrase to death but we’re not making any progress! It’s funny how even though something isn’t working, we tend to use the same approach over and over again!

According to various articles I’ve read, I’m actually denying my child his emotions and the way to better manage the situation is to acknowledge the emotion, before proposing a solution. “Eventually,” the articles say, “your child will cry less and learn to describe his emotions.”

This brings me to the second thing which I hate to admit: my lack of patience. “Eventually” can take many, many months and it’s normal to want immediate results. Unfortunately, that can be unrealistic.

What could be better:

It’s a lot easier to think of a more appropriate response when I am calm so what I’ve realised is that when it comes to crying, I need to:

- First calm myself, - Then identify the reason - Acknowledge my child’s feelings (hurt / anger / pain / sadness) along with the reason to show him that I understand - Propose a solution

“I know you’re feeling angry that your brother doesn’t want to share his toy. I’ll give you some time to calm down then after that, how about we ask him nicely instead of snatching?”

“I know you’re unhappy about having to go home because it’s really fun here. Would you like to spend 5 more minutes here before we leave?” (Note: Dozer can’t count time yet but he understands that 5 minutes means a short while.)

“That was a hard knock. (Give a big hug.) Shall we put ice on it? No? Then I’ll give you a hug, OK?”

#5: “Hurry up! Let’s go!”

Image from Brightly

What’s wrong:

There’s actually nothing wrong in using this phrase occasionally but using it daily will soon cause it to lose its effectiveness. On another level, if we’re always in a rush, perhaps it’s time for adjustments to be made. Perhaps a little routine change or packing your child’s breakfast along in the car?

What could be better:

“We need to get into the car now. Can Mummy help you with your slippers and you can try it out on your own when we get home?”

“Please hurry.” (in a softer tone)

As always, staying calm often works better than getting irritable or angry. Children often imitate our every move so being courteous and calm with them will teach them how to better handle situations too.

I’m really finding that being a mother builds character. Every day is about pushing myself to be a more patient, more positive person for my kids, and also correcting my own bad habits and resolving my own personal baggage!

Wow, who knew motherhood was such a big undertaking! Beneath the surface of every mother lies a tumult of emotions and that spirit that never gives up.

As an ex-expatriate and management consultant in an international firm, Grace was a career-minded woman on a fast-track path in the corporate world. The birth of her first child changed her perspectives in entirety, and she made the life-changing decision of becoming a stay-at-home mum. In addition to being one of Malaysia’s top digital influencers on Nuffnang’s Bloggerati list, she is a Dr. Sears Certified Health Coach and also runs children-related businesses (links available below).

- Facebook: facebook.com/graciouslittlethings

- Instagram / Dayre: @graciouslittlethings

- Blogger Engagements: [email protected]

- Shop Little Baby Grains: www.littlebabygrains.com

- Shop Petite Troopers: www.petitetroopers.com

#parenting #positive reinforcement #negative reinforcement #positive parenting #how to #talking to toddlers #motherhood #tips

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